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ghostlyferrettarot · 2 months

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🖤✨️Venus in the houses✨️🖤

❗️All the observations in this post are based on personal experience and research, it's completely fine if it doesn't resonate with everyone❗️

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🖤Masterlist🖤

♥︎Venus 1st house: charming people with a flirtatious aura. They know how to get people attached to them ; love to compliment others but expect double the praise in return, they know they are a catch. This individuals are usually the life of the party, the one who unites the relationship/friendship group.

♥︎Venus 2nd house: This is the house of finances, so these people prefer to be pampered by their loved one. People with strong values and respect, they expect the same from their partners. They don't play, they want stability and seriousness in a relationship; most loyal and supporting persons ever.

♥︎Venus 3rd house: really flirtatious and persuasive. They value new experiences, they are attracted to other's personality and interests. You have to keep them entertained, they have an adventurous nature and can get bored easily when it comes to a routine.

♥︎Venus 4th house: These individuals have a really harmonious and protective nature, a fairy-like aura to them. They value comfort and openness in a relationship, they want to feel the love of their partners and create a special bond with them. These people tend to attract people with mommy and daddy issues, with an "I can fix them" vibe.

♥︎Venus 5th House: These are my luxurious people, they have high standards and don't care what anyone has to say about it. They are in love with love, their cheerful nature attracts them towards creative people and people who are in a position of fame or success. They are the muses of artists.

♥︎Venus 6th house: These individuals tend to manage many things at once, they thrive on self-improvement. Their love language tends to be acts of service, they are also attracted to truly selfless people. They can spot a lie from miles away, value trust, and expect the same from their romantic partners. They forgive but they never forget.

♥︎Venus 7th house: They have an attractive and persuasive personality, they are tolerant and charismatic. The 7th house is the house of agreement and partnership, so your luck will probably change after your marriage, your significant other may play an important role in your life. These people crave love and genuine connections.

♥︎Venus 8th house: They are very sensual and intimidating; tend to have stalkers and admirers. They value deep connections, people who truly understand and accept them. People with some type of trauma are attracted to them. You may be interested in occult sciences and have healing powers.

♥︎Venus 9th house: They have a happy aura and an adventurous character. These individuals are attracted to optimistic and adventurous people, those who value their beliefs and want to take risks with them. Venus in the 9th house attracts many foreigners as it may indicate a lot of travelling, you significant other may be from another country.

♥︎Venus 10th House: The 10th House governs public image, career aspirations, and career achievements which makes these individuals attracted to status. They are goal-oriented, always looking to improve, and expect the same from their partners. You will want to live a high-profile life and connect with influential people.

♥︎Venus 11th house: They have a calming and jovial personality. Easily attract many friends who would want to work and connect with you to grow your business. These are my "friends to lovers" trope, they value friendship over romance, which attracts them to those closer to them.

♥︎Venus 12th house: These are my artistic people, they have a lot of passion and compassion. They tend to be attracted to spiritual or helpful people. They value connections and are naturally drawn to others; They find much comfort in helping those around them. They are looking for a partner with good character and empathy.

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astrologydayz · 6 months

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ASTRO SEXOLOGY NOTES🔞 - NATAL CHART

Men with Mars square Uranus will 9/10 times have tendencies to be violent in bed, and not just a little slap but a whole ass beating. They use sex to make their frustrations "disappear", while taking it out on the other person⛓🩸. "Problems with controlling themselves". They usually also have a crooked dick - random yeah. No judgement from here, just saying.

Women with Lilith asteroid - 1181 conjunct their Part of Fortune can show sexual trauma, that they can use to empower other women. Supporting other women/people who have been through some of the same things. They can gain "success - whatever u define it as" on their trauma - speaking out 2 the world about it, and making a difference🌍🌞❤️‍🩹.

Men with Mars/Dick asteroid - 17458 conjunct/trine/quintile their Jupiter = big dick - sometimes2big/could be a grower but mostly a shower. Men with Mars/Dick asteroid - 17458 semi-square/square/quincunx Jupiter = could have a smaller dick, not saying it isn't all that, just pointing it out❤️.

Women with Venus/Klett asteroid - 2199 conjunct/trine/quintile Neptune = "U have a beautiful 😻" is something women with this aspect could hear a lot, "otherworldly pussy". People fantasise about it a lot, either before they get a taste, or after. Women with Venus/Klett asteroid - 2199 conjunct/trine/quintile Jupiter = larger 😻 but it fits her🫶🏼. They can also squirt/cum a lot more than the average women🌊.

Men with Mars conjunct Sado asteroid - 118230 = loves being sadistic 2wards their sexual partners, while also craving a sexual partner who's being sadistic 2wards them. They want2 humiliate, & be humiliated𓀏. They take GREAT pleasure in seeing you in pain/being in pain. Squash their balls, they'll love that shit. It may take them some time before they "fully open up" about it, but once they do = point of no return🕯.

I've seen people say that women with Venus/Mars in Pisces = FOOT FETISH?! like wassup with that? I haven't met a single one yet, who’s into that. My Venus is in pisces2, and if I see someone’s feet???? = shoot me💀🔫. Seriously tho. Keep those feet outta my face, & we’re good😍.

Women with Mars/8th house in Scorpio wants their sexual partners to worship them, be obsessed, give up their soul to forge the closeness they need, sexually. They can't get "close enough", they want 2 own. Not ever share. They need loyalty4a long lasting sexual relationship. They usually won't settle on this, unless they've been "tricked"/feeling attached already⛓. In the long run = won't settle.

Men with Mars/8th house in Cancer wants their sexual partners2 look&act like alluring, sweet, innocent angels on earth💋. They want all their sexual needs2 be taken care of by their partners, be "mothered" kinda. Mommy issues can also be a big thing here! They subconsciously seek out sexual/romantic partners, that reminds them of their mother🧐. They want2 be romanced usually, before being sexual with somebody. "Need 2 have some type of feelings 2 be sexual".

Men with Venus conjunct/trine/quintile Dick asteroid - 17458/Mars can have an easy time with getting women pregnant, like their semen is top notch🤰🏼.

Men with Venus semi-square/square/quincunx Dick asteroid - 17458/Mars can have a harder time with it. They could need a little help, before they'll get someone pregnant💜.

Women with Black Moon Lilith conjunct their POF can have lots of different sexual partners/experiences throughout their lives💋. They can gain "success - whatever u define it as" by speaking out2the world about these experiences/being a big supporter of women having equal rights. - Example - speaking up about women being able to sleep with how many they want2, without being judged by men4it. "They do it, so why can't we?". u tell em👏.

Mars conjunct/trine/quintile Saturn can 100% be into bondage, with their sexual partners. Or into things that "restrains them"/or them doing the restraining⛓. Likes to dominate, and show who's in charge😮‍💨 - unless some serious shit is going on in their chart. Won't give up their "sexual power" 2 anyone, unless they deem them seriously worthy. Control is a big thing here. Wants 2 control, but also wants2be played with sometimes👅.

Mercury conjunct/trine/quintile Mars is usually big on oral👄. They like it, &have no problem with using their skills to pleasure their partner👅. Also big on dirty talk! They want2hear praises about how good they are, how they make the other person feel, if they're touching the right place, &in the right way📢. Be vocal, they'll adore u for it❗️

Women with Venus/Klett asteroid - 2199 conjunct/trine/quintile Fama asteroid - 408 = their 😻 gets talked about a lot/“known” 4 their 😼/or they themselves could be the ones talking about it 2other people🤔.

Men with Mars/Dick asteroid - 17458 conjunct/trine/quintile Fama asteroid - 408 = same as above, just vice versa love❤️.

THANKS4READING!! I appreciate you, always💜.

#astro community #astro notes #astrology #astro observations #asteroids #astrology notes #birth chart #venus #black moon lilith #mars astrology #8th house

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little-emerald-snake · 5 months

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Smutmas Day 1

"I’m going to fucking ruin you" - Sebastian Sallow X F!MC

🔥NSFW 🔞 MDNI

553 words

Sebastian glared at her from across the room. She’d been teasing him all morning, wearing her skirt rolled up higher so it hung well above her knees. Sitting next to Garreth in potions instead of next to him and Ominis like usual.

Even now, she was bent over Ominis, whispering something to make the blonde blush profusely while her eyes met Sebastian’s from across the room.

Sebastian had been reluctant to tell the school they were seeing each other and while their meetups were less romantic and more for intimate late night hook ups. But she still wanted the school to know so if he was secretly fooling around with anyone else she would have a better chance of knowing.

Neither of them wanted the drama of romance but both craved the carnal sexual connection that they seemed to have shared since day one when she walked into Defense Against the Dark Arts.

While Sebastian had never flirted so hard with any of the other girls like he had with her and while she had never flirted seriously with any other boy it seemed logical for them to seek out an escape between each other.

They’d shared so much over the last few years anyway, between adventure, trauma, health and family issues. It made the most sense to seek comfort in any form from the other.

But right now Sebastian was irritated with her little games. He of course knew what she wanted from him but he didn’t want to be ridiculed for taking advantage of her or pulled aside by professors and warned that his actions had dire consequences.

Every bit of criticism they would tell him, he already knew and he didn’t want to hear it from anyone else. He’d tried to assure her that she was the only one he was sleeping with but his assurance wasn’t exactly good enough for her.

While he understood why, it didn’t make him feel any less hurt that she refused to believe him and instead kept insisting that they become public. So instead she turned to torturing him. After all, she knew he was quite possessive of her.

Later when they’d finally met up for their secret nighttime tryst he’d pulled her into his arms and pushed her up against a table. She’d had to sit back on it a bit to avoid being pressed so close up against him. “S-Sebastian…”

He’d slid her barely there skirt up her thighs and hummed in satisfaction as he pinned her against the table and rutted his hips against her center, sending her head tipping back as she moaned. “Don’t…you’ve been a bold little tease all day, and now you’re going to pay for it, won’t you sweetheart?”

She whimpered, his clothed cock dragging against her center as his lips attached to her neck. “Oh you pretty little thing. Look how desperate you are. Do you feel how hard I am? All for you. I’m only hard for you my darling. That’s how it’s always been and that’s how it always will be.”

She whimpered, pressing her hips against him eagerly, body shaking as it begs for friction between her legs. “Come on darling, bend over for me and lift this slutty little skirt. I’m going to fucking ruin you while I mark that pretty neck.”

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy smut #hogwarts legacy fanfiction #writing challenge #smutmas #smutmas 2023 #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow fanfiction #sebastian sallow smut

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that-one-creepy-hoe · 10 months

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do you have like general or relationship head canons for ej? :)

I love talking about one of my 348 husbands!1!1

Eyeless Jack General + Relationship Hcs

Warnings:Basically fluff, EJ just being autistic, I think I used no pronouns I think Pairings: EyelessJack x GN!Reader

General HeadCannons

He is a very big quiet man

To me, he’s probably 6’’9 at his full height

But he does hunch over a lot because he is aware of how much his height makes some people scared of him

While he typically doesn’t care about if regular people, or if the proxies are scared of him, he does do it mostly so the more timid people don’t get frightened

He’s basically a mute until he absolutely has to speak

His voice is very rough and deep from years of not being used much

I headcanon him to be autistic with slight OCD issues

Because of this, he sticks to his routine and wears lots of baggy clothes because he cannot stand most skin-to-skin contact

Actively recoils when people are too close or touch him

Tends to obsessively reorganize his things constantly

While he may seem shy he is not a pushover of any kind

He only knows how to be a weird kind of nice that most people don’t take as nice/ Really cold and distant

He’s kind of like a cat where he just watches people he likes without care

He has lots of scars on his jaw and the corners of his mouth from his teeth(I hc that he clawed through his cheeks when he first turned bc he couldn’t handle the way his teeth felt in his mouth)

He’s always unusually hot or ice cold and really can’t tell too well

If you want to ever get close to him you would most likely need to be close to Hoodie, or Sally

He’s a nice guy just very out of touch with the world around him

Romantic HeadCannons

If you somehow romanced this man I applaud you because he absolutely hates being around people unless he thinks they’re cute (in a small kid/ pet kind of way) or if they can have an actual intelligent conversation with him(AKA hoodie)

But somehow you have wormed your way into his dead heart and at first he will most definitely hate you for it

He doesn’t like the feeling of being attached at first (Since he’s far too used to people betraying him) but soon he craves for you

Expect him to attempt to have charisma (he has none)

Think crow that gives its favorite human weird gifts

If you try talking to him that might help just try not to be too loud

Be ready to do enough talking for the both of you

Once he warms up he will speak some here and there

He’ll give you things he thinks you might like such as; books, clothes, trinkets

If you give him things he will absolutely adore you and never get rid of it

You will most definitely have to be the one to initiate a relationship even then he may think your joking

If you reassure him then he’ll get soft for you and let you do things that he would normally hate (EX: touching him, being louder, borrowing his things)

He’s really insecure about himself so be ready to reassure him a bunch

Total romantic lover, poetry, letters, candle-lit dinners, all of it

#creepypasta #eyeless jack #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta x reader #crp #ej x reader #eyeless jack x reader #ej creepypasta

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gabrielsbubblegumbitch · 2 months

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Adding to the “Velvette is the glue of the Vees” convo (and possible slightly out of character interpretation)

I feel like Vox and Valentino definitely need somebody to confide in other than a fuck-buddy y’know?

Like just a (somewhat) stable friend or business partner no sex involved

…Who they’ll sometimes cuddle on the couch with and bitch about their day to each other

I hc Velvette in all her independent girlboss glory can grow clingy towards those she’s attached herself to - that being Vox and Valentino

Say Vox and Val have an argument Velvette wasn’t around for, so they’re both pissed at each other - Velvette comes to their little shared common space, completely drained from work and drapes herself over whoever is there

Valentino; will immediately start bitching to her but also scoop her up and plop on the couch, maybe get some snacks and drinks as they both recharge

Vox; stays quiet - doesn’t like talking after an argument but will do something similar, maybe go into his office instead to stalk someone while having Velvette in his lap. Velvette is just there doom scrolling on her phone or taking a nap while Vox rubs her back

Whoever Velvette runs into first - she can sense the argument happened. So once she’s recharged and taken care of herself - she’ll text them something stupid like “Can’t sleep. Come here. Now.” without telling Vox or Valentino that the other one will be there - both of them go in her room and are - pissed lol

(Think of that Spongebob episode where Squidward tries to make Patrick and SpongeBob be friends again 💀)

But yeah uhmmm Velvette’s gonna 1. Address the issue directly 2. Force both Vox and Valentino to sleep with her bc she’s too tired to deal with them but will force them into the awkward situation cause she wants the entertainment

If scenario 2 happens Velvette is obviously sandwiched in between Vox and Valentino while they stare at each other angrily. Whoever speaks way too loud first gets punched by Velvette (happens multiple times) so they’re forced to quietly “discuss their issues” while Velvette is playing dumb and pretending to sleep - eventually things do work out and they all fall asleep

I don’t even know where I was going with this it’s incredibly disorganized I just like ranting about the Vees help - love silly Velvette headcanons where she’s the one who’s in control I guess lol

I totally agree with like half of what you've written - with the part taht Vox and Valentino both need someone to confide with. None of them has a lot of opportunities to be just comfortable with another person. Sure they have each other but romantic relatisohips are often more "loaded" than frienships and while they can grant deeper connection, they also generate greater tension. That's why lifelong frienships are way more common than lifelong romances.

But I don't find the idea of Velvette's infantilization appealing, sorry. She strikes me as a person who craves to be feared and respected, to the level that it feels almost like overcompesating for her young age (compared to other Overlords) and non-threatening form. I don't see why would she allow anyone, even her friends to treat her like a plushie. Especially when those friends are power hungry maniacs who nutoriously prey on people they see as weaker.

That doesn't mean I think your headcanon is wrong or bad. It just doesn't allign with my own interpretation. Which is perfectly fine, they can't even be compared in their accuracy in relation to canon because we barely have any canon. So please, don't take it personally - I love you have fun with your ideas, that's the most important part of fandom <3

#hazbin hotel #vox #valentino #voxval #ask #velvette #headcanon #the vees

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ijuststareatstuffhereok89 · 1 year

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Ditched Date: She only agreed to go on a date with him as a favor. Yet when he abandons her and she sees a familiar face and things happen what will happen? Will they make a good impression or will it have better if she had left? Yes there will be a happy ending but it will be angst.

Loki at the time will be a worker she is attached to, but never considering because she thought his flirts with just teasing. Yet when he dates her after she was ditched she thinks maybe she was wrong. The jerk co-worker can be whoever you please.

Sorry this took a hot sec to write! I tweaked just a few deets, but I hope this still satisfies you! Enjoy :)

“The Date”- A Loki/F!Reader Oneshot

After getting tired of your unrequited love for the intolerable, indubitably attractive Loki going unanswered, you finally decide to humor a co-worker and ask them out on a date. When your date loses you in the crowd, the god you last expected to see finds you at your most vulnerable moment…

Pairing: Loki x F!Reader Genre: Angst, fluff ending Word Count: 3k Content Warning: date ditching, body insecurity, Reader has sensory issues, angst

“So…you like cotton candy?” “Not really.”

Another dead end, another failed attempt at making the connection. At least this time Les asked something simple, something that made sense. Five minutes ago, the attempted icebreaker had been “So, what’re your views about that war in Pakistan?”

You deserved this, though, at least in your mind.

“Oh, sorry,” replied Les, looking around awkwardly as you strolled about the street festival, the sidewalks lined with makeshift booths, cheap games, oversized stuffed animals, and food stands serving only the greasiest, sugar-filled delights anyone could crave. “What about…churros?”

You twisted your lip, already regretting the choices that led you here this afternoon. “Yeah, I…I like churros.”

“Okay.”

Thus ended the longest, most complex conversation you’d ever had with Les Leandermann.

Working in Stark Tower, under Tony Stark, Nick Fury, and The Avengers, was nothing short of an adventure for you, but in every epic saga, there was one piece of plain white toast among the fancier cuts and spreads, and that toast was your deskmate, Les. He was attractive, if a little height-challenged, and he came from a sweet, wealthy family of jewelers from out on Long Island. He had perfect teeth and a strong chin that several women you knew fantasized about. A few of your co-workers envied that you shared a workspace in HR with him, and that he seemed to have genuine affection for you.

The only co-worker whose opinion mattered to you, was your only ‘office pal,’ Loki Laufeyson, the newest Avenger, fresh off of a successful plea for his life in front of an intergalactic tribunal for his sins against New York. Many of Stark’s underlings still feared him, or refused to trust a word he said, even as he integrated himself into the day-to-day life of Midgard with relative ease.

He amused you right away, and sensing that, you were drawn to one another like magnets. At first, it was the shared feeling of being outsiders that connected you, but after a while, the feelings on your end began to change. The eyes that winked at you were suddenly a more vivid azure. The sheen in his hair took on a new sharpness, defining the jawline that you suspected could cut glass. Your ears drank in his deep baritone like a rich, dark broth revitalizing you on a cold, empty morning. It took about a month for you to realize that you weren’t exactly looking forward to seeing Loki around the office because you wanted to hear a joke.

At first, it was just his blue eyes you noticed with renewed interest. Then, it was how the sheen in his hair was so bright it seemed impossibly so. You began to imagine how his lips would taste, what flavor toothpaste he used and if he let the scent of it linger on his tongue just in case a pretty suitor crossed his path. He seemed to be that ‘type’ to you--always ready for a whirlwind romance (or, if not a romance, at least a good dicking). You knew he could crush you in his arms, and the more time you spent around Loki, letting his light taunts and teasing bring him closer to you, the more you wished he would crush you under his body.

Sadly, it was at the same time that the evil demons that often accompanied new love began to rear their ugly heads: you couldn’t stand the way you looked. How could he ever want anything more from such a homely, lumpy, average-on-a-great-day creature such as you? Especially when, looking around you, you realized that there was no way Loki would see you as anything but a sidekick, not with the likes of the Black Widow around (not to mention, Loki didn’t restrict his lusts to one gender…so really, you had everyone who wasn’t Thor or Stark to worry about up there).

At first, you kept up hope. He was spending the most time with you, after all. However, it occurred to you in no time that maybe you weren’t looking at things the way he was, explaining why nothing was progressing between you. One day, you’d decided to test that theory…

“Lokes?” you called one afternoon, slowly walking into one of the lounges wearing a black satin dress that clung to every curve of your torso and legs. Steve Rogers’ eyes nearly popped out of his skull when you walked in.

“What is--oh my!” he grinned immediately upon seeing you, making your skin twinge with hot excitement. “What is this?” he asked, indicating the odd attire.

“It’s an old rag that I found in my closet last week,” you began, smiling coyly, hoping he’d take your bait. “I can’t remember why I got it, but what do you think?”

“I think you overdressed for work today,” Loki quipped back without missing a beat, winking again. “Besides, if your intent was to attract a male’s gaze, I think Rogers over here has already nibbled on your hook.”

Your shoulders immediately dropped. Damn, you thought.

“I think you look stunning,” said Rogers, smiling broadly. You knitted your eyebrows with subtle ennui, confusing him. “What? You asked us how you look!”

“I asked YOU,” you asserted, pouting.

“And I said already that you look overdressed,” he replied. “Whoever you plan to impress is going to see a woman trying entirely too hard.”

Finally, you let a frustrated growl escape your mouth. “You…you asshole!”

This surprised Loki, who raised a curious eyebrow. “Oh? What’s this?”

“You think you’re so clever, and you might be at that, but sometimes you’re remarkably stupid,” you shot out. “Do I have to fucking skywrite it? You know what….never mind. I’m done! I give up on you, Laufeyson.”

Loki was only a little hurt by your words as he watched you leave. It was going to be alright. He already had a remedy in mind for you, and he knew exactly what (or rather, who) he needed to help him pull off his master plan.

You didn’t like carnivals at all. Not even when you were a child did you draw anything but sensory overload from the bright strobe lights, loud calls from the game stands, the hot, stifling summer air suffocating you, buzzing and ringing, and the worst part: the shoulder-to-shoulder crowds. You were utterly convinced that someone was going to pick your pocket. Even the pleasant smells of frying dough and popping corn were never enough to give you any semblance of comfort or ease here.

But so rarely did this section of New York City open to festivities, and Les looked so excited to take you to the fair, that you felt you had no choice but to oblige the man. When Loki found out about your date, that was the first point he’d brought up.

“You’re so desperate for any date that you’d subject yourself to a personal hell for the possibility of getting some physical--”

“--it’s hardly HELL,” you reasoned. “And Les is decent and cute enough. It isn’t like you ever--”

You stopped yourself short as Loki raised his shoulders, almost expectantly, as if waiting for you to finish your near-confession. You weren’t planning on giving him the time of day.

All you mustered was “Well, you should have asked me first” before spinning on your heels and leaving the man you would have fallen at your feet for in your wake.

“So you don't like rides either?” asked Les, looking up longingly at the ferris wheel.

Shaking your head, you bit your lip and explained. “I don’t like being hundreds of feet in the air with a few metal rods and a chair keeping me from becoming a puddle on the pavement.”

Sighing and shrugging, Les looked around, as if he had something, or someone, specific in mind he was looking for. “Maybe I should have listened when you said you wanted to go to supper instead.”

Twisting your lip, you tried to keep from saying well, duh. “Maybe a funhouse? As long as it isn’t scary?”

Les stood in thought for almost too long of a moment, as if the idea of wandering in a haunted house or the like gave him an idea. “I saw a mirror maze over by the arcade,” he said. “It was just around this corner, I think.”

The pair of you walked in silence. You didn’t admit it to Les when you suddenly felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, as if you got the feeling that you were being followed from the shadows. Alas, the crowds were so heavy that looking around would have been useless. Besides, spending any time attempting to look through the throngs of bustling carnival-goers would probably trigger your claustrophobia, and that was the last thing you needed to further ruin this quickly-failing date.

You found the Maze O’Mirrors and got in line. Les looked you up and down and sighed.

“You…uh…want to do anything else after this before we go back to my place?”

Quickly shaking your head, you were scanning the crowd as much as you could without getting distressed. Something felt off. Someone was stalking you. It was something that any employee of Stark and the Avengers was trained in, right down to the night janitor. Anyone on SHIELD’s payroll was at risk of being kidnapped by an enemy.

You were too distracted that you had to be herded forward as the line moved.

“Look,” Les finally began. “Are we really doing this or what?” His voice changed its tone, and he was suddenly a bit more assertive-sounding as anger finally began to unfurl in his mind.

“What do you mean?” you asked half-heartedly.

“You’re treating me like your cousin, Y/N. I asked you out, and I don’t think you realize how many women in the office would commit a crime for the opportunity.”

It was the change in demeanor that snapped you back to your date. “Uh, Les, I’m--”

“--no, I’m done with these office games,” he snapped, shaking his head. “I’m not doing this anymore. Look, Y/N, you’re smart enough, and you’re sometimes good for a laugh around the water cooler, but I don’t really like you. You’re a flake, and you’re clearly using me now.”

Wow, you thought. How could any barbs coming from Les Leandermann hit so hard?

“Using you? When you asked me on a date?” you shot back, raising your voice.

“I did it as a…favor,” Les admitted. “After spending the past two hours with you, frankly, I understand why your bedsheets are so cold. You’ve complained nonstop since we’ve been here!”

Your jaw hit the floor. “Excuse YOU, Lester Leandermann, but I’ve barely spoken at all!”

Les looked behind you a moment, almost looking like he was being fed a line from somewhere in the distance. You could have sworn he nodded at someone, but when you turned your head, all you saw was the long line behind you.

“I hope this doesn’t affect our work relationship, but I can’t see you again, Y/N. You aren’t worth it.” Les finally stepped out of line, and without turning back, began walking away furiously.

“Les! No! Wait…you were my ride!” you cried after him, your voice drowning in the ocean of background noises. “Dammit!” you groaned.

“Alright, lady, next! You’re holdin’ up the line!” a teenage boy with a face full of zits and a heavy Bronx accent coaxed you forward in spite of the distress you began to feel. Les may have been a jerk in sheep’s clothing who’d just turned on you rather suddenly…but you were a whole borough away from your loft…it would take hours to walk home in the dark!

Practically shoved into the house of mirrors, you immediately regretted not running after him. You were accosted by reflections from all angles of your body, and none of them were flattering.

Even Les can’t bring himself to fuck this fat ass, you thought bitterly. I guess all the office girls got HIS personality wrong.

You felt warm tears prick the corners of your eyes as you quickly paced past all of the haunting images of yourself in various states of humiliation over being ditched at a street fair. You couldn’t bear to look at the judgmental faces as they followed you through the ramshackle hut. You followed the red line on the ground, dotted with arrows, telling you the quickest way out of the mirror maze. It felt as if you were walking miles.

Finally, you leaned up against one of the mirrors, frustrated at how endless this path was, and how alone you were in this awful place.

That was when, out of the corner of your eye, one of the reflections changed, your sorry image dissipating, and the body replacing it was the person you least expected. At first, you thought the angst that was flooding your senses was beginning to cause you to hallucinate.

Alas, the reflection of Loki acted of its own accord and stepped through the glass, his corporeal figure now in front of you, flesh and bone. He could immediately see your bloodshot eyes, failing to hold the tears back.

“Fancy seeing you on this side of the mirror…has he bored you to tears already?”

You sniffed, trying to muster up just a mote of dignity. “He…he ditched. We weren’t suitable.”

Loki scoffed, but his smug smile dropped. “I could have said that to you weeks ago.”

“But you didn’t,” you shrugged. “Anyway, I think I’m just going to go. Would you mind not lording this over me until Monday? I need to recover.”

You brushed by his shoulder to continue toward the exit, but Loki caught your elbow before you could get further past him. “I’m truly sorry, Y/N. He wasn’t worthy of you.”

You rolled your eyes. “Him. You. Everybody!” you groaned.

“WHat about me?” Loki asked, gently taking your hand.

“I’ve been rejected by all of you!” you nearly shouted, as if the answer was obvious.

“I have done nothing of the sort,” Loki said quietly. “I…I’m sorry if you didn’t take my teasing for what it really was. If I caused you any insecurity, I will make amends. I never meant to insult or put you off.”

You shook your head. “What was your teasing for, then?”

Loki smiled and drew your chin upward, pulling your body in so your chests were nearly pressed against one another. Your lower lip trembled.

“It’s my love language,” he admitted in a tender whisper. “Laughter sets my heart on fire, and there is no act more intimate to me than a private joke between two lovers.”

The words were rich and delicious on your ears.

“I thought you were understanding my angle, but I misread the signs, which I am prone to doing when it comes to women, I’m afraid,” Loki confessed.

“Then there’s no apology needed,” you muttered, trying to regain composure as your emotions shifted from embarrassment and sadness to confusion and lust. "But, are you sure you want Les Leandermann's castoffs? I mean, if he didn't want me, then why should--?"

Loki finally drew your face to his mouth, gently kissing you, making your ankles weak and spine shoot chills to your hips.

"You aren't his castoffs. He wasn't strong enough to handle your radiance," the charmer replied. "I vow to be more forward with you from tonight onward, but know that I've never held you but in the most admirable esteem since the day we've met. Just because you aren't compatible with that piece of cardboard doesn't mean you aren't a jewel worthy of the crown of Asgard."

You felt your cheeks go hot as he places his palm on your face, wiping away your tears with his thumb.

"I won't doubt you ever again," you said with relief. "And thank you for ceasing with the games. Sometimes I just can't keep up!"

He smiled down at you. “Y/N, shall we adjourn to a quieter corner away from here, perhaps some bistro in a private corner of Little Italy?”

“How do we get out of here? I think these arrows are a trick,” you asked, indicating the painted lines at your feet with the toe of your boot.

Loki took your arm in his and walked you up to a panel of glass. Setting his palm against the pane, the mirror seemed to become a translucent doorway, easier to walk through than a wall of bubbles.

“Do you not remember who I am?” he bragged, pulling you into the mirror with him.

The carnival was about to close when you asked to stop at the restrooms. As you did so, Loki made his way over to a fortune teller’s stall, his quick eyes sensing the elderly woman using sleight-of-hand to choose the right tarot cards to satisfy a hopeless dreamer sitting across from her.

Someone was waiting for him there, looking anxious. “Can I have my thousand dollars or what, Laufeyson?”

Gritting his teeth, Loki hissed and rolled his eyes. “You’ll get it, Les. Norns, let me enjoy the night first!”

“You could’ve just finally asked her yourself and cut out the middle man, you know,” groaned the shorter man. “You do realize I haven’t flirted with a woman since I came out?”

The God of Tricks shrugged and began fiddling through a small wallet he’d pulled from a back pocket, extracting a few green bills and roughly tossing them at his accomplice.

“By the way, you oversold it, you idiot. I didn’t ask for you to insult her,” he scolded. “Just to leave her to me and make yourself scarce!”

Les twisted his lip. “I got carried away, man. Sorry.”

“Now go find some strapping man to ride the big wheel contraption with. I have a lady to woo.”

Les smiled and nodded sincerely, quickly counting the cash and walking away from his temporary employer.

Smiling to himself, Loki took a moment to spot you in the crowd again. You were waiting, leaning seductively up against a tent, obediently staying put for now, mulling over your happy change in fortune.

Oh, Y/N, Loki thought to himself, tsking as he slowly began his signature saunter, traipsing the lane like he owned the entire park. You could’ve waited for me to fall at your feet, but you chose to play games. Now you’ll see just how ‘playful’ I am, Princess…

Tagging a few mutuals: @chantsdemarins @coldnique @fictive-sl0th @holdmytesseract @joyful-enchantress @lokisgoodgirl @muddyorbs @mochie85 @mischief2sarawr @sarahscribbles

#loki #fanfiction #mcu #mcu loki #loki fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki/reader #loki fluff #loki angst #sensory overload #mcu angst #fic request

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canpandaspvp · 3 months

Note

KEEP TALKING ABOUT THE SBI FIC THING IM REALLY INTERESTED!! I've always wanted to study that side of the fandom under a microscope but it's scary.

buddy that place is WILDDDD. ok so things you need to know abt sbi side

1. they're damn good writers

2. i don't think they know how to write fanfiction

3. in another universe they create some very well known, published authors

because essentially everything they write is so fucking detached the second it enters an au. with dnf and the general dt side of things, there are differences. sure often times it's a bit more identifiable as fanfiction but that's not a BAD thing. it literally just means people know how to write fanfiction which is what they were intending to do anyways so like hooray

with sbi, i've read SEVERAL (as in i can go into my bookmarks right now and count out at least 10) fics that have just changed and deviated so far from the original source material that it's hard to even understand what they're talking about. in that regard, 100% dnfers get caught out before sbiers, but that's only in the circumstance that they get published at all. sbiers are really creative -- TOO creative, obviously to the point of creation ocs with names and descriptions that often times only vaguely resemble phil, tommy, wilbur, and techno -- which gives them the upper hand publication wise.

that leads into dark sbi which, let it be known, i have NEVER EVER liked. i personally thought it was harsh and unenjoyable but also goddamn did they make some good stories. obviously i read them bc even though i hated the vampires and the kidnapping and shit, it was good. the upper hand of writing fanfiction is that shit is more fast paced and attention grabbing, due to the lack of exposition and shit. so sbiers likely get published first, get discovered on booktube (not booktok cause they only read romance that's packed with tropes to the point of dysfunction), and they at least semi-spread from there until someone is who can't handle any difficult topics in fiction gets upset. but that's a different kind of controversy entirely

sbiers are good authors but they're stuck in this weird limbo of "it's not fanfiction it's just inspired original content" which sort of creates a new genre entirely. they pull some good fanfiction elements into its own realm entirely and it's really frustrating when you want to read fanfiction of something but if you're looking for something fast paced and good to read that aligns with the weird fanon universe they've created, they're your subfandom.

a lot of fics also appeal to personal issues that people are able to project onto easily (i speak from experience) so, while dnf is typically shorter, more accurate, and lighthearted, sbi has dynamics that people often crave in their real life and more people that they can insert themselves into. um that sounds weird but ykwim

they also have The AU's which dnf has but it's just not to the extent that sbi has it. the trifecta:

1. superhero aus

2. royalty aus

3. foster care aus

ran that tag for a good 2 years minimum. those are the sort of Peter Parker Goes On A Field Trip To Stark Industries type of aus where you have a good baseline that people get attached to, so you can sort of rewrite the same story different enough that people feel like they're reading smth new each time. and it works!! if people were to publish an sbi fic (which would likely fall into one of those 3 categories), it'd be realllyyyyyy recognizable just bc it was such a staple in the community. ifl im missing some other big categories but those are just the aus that i remembered off the top of my head that showed up a fuckton

don't get me wrong, i ❤️ dnf fanfiction and you def could publish it if you tried hard enough, but those authors do shit right. the characterization is so niche and specific, the dynamics are so unique, and often times, there just isn't enough in one fic to build and create a story. so much of dnf fanfiction relies on the fact that you already know those two, you know who they are, how they behave, their stakes regarding each other, etc etc. with sbi, the authors end up essentially writing their own stories so much so that they have to tell the story like it's a novel rather than fanfiction. it's very interesting imo esp bc fanon tommy for example is so extremely, incomprehensibly different from c!tommy or cc!tommy, with only enough hits of similarity to keep you hooked into the story with the illusion that you're actually reading the same character, when more often then not, it's like 1/4 tommy, 1/4 fandom misinterpretation interpretation, 1/4 author projection, and 1/4 recycled oc. again, speaking from experience.

also, sbi authors are pretty cocky about their writing, and it's really noticeable when they write a fic with the intention of changing the names and couple minor details to submit to an editing company for a few rounds of revision before they publish their nyt bestseller a few years down the line. they didn't need to leave the fandom to abandon their shit. lorehead analysts have a decent grasp of their content (but i'm biased), but lorehead writers?? different monster entirely. the second dsmp stands for something like "delicious small mtown pforsuperherovillanvigilanteshenanigans" then you know they're too far gone. they're attached to THEIR characters, not the dsmp's; if it means sacrificing the original source material for real life recognition, they'd do it in a heartbeat. i don't blame them but the point still stands.

this is all over the place i'm so sorry idek if i said anything you wanted to know but

tl;dr sbi fanfiction sort of became its own medium between fanfiction and original work so they're more likely to get published, but they fall into the same dynamics in the same type of universes that would easily get them figured out. dnf writers just seem to mind their damn business more. anyway, most dnf writers that left the fandom seem to want to completely forget that they ever did That. usually they just orphan/delete and move on cause they're embarrassed.

sorry again i'm so not good at explaining my thoughts but i did NOT spend 2 1/2 years reading sbi fanfiction 24/7 for nothing. i need to put my experience to use somehow so thanks for letting me do that 😭😭😭

#at least i'm not gonna do another separate essay rant in the notes like i usually do #💀#🍓.ask

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yanderes-galore · 10 days

Note

Can I request gen hc for JD from gears

Sure! This includes ideas from Gears 4 + 5

Yandere! James Dominic Fenix Concept

Pairing: Platonic -> Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Clingy behavior, Manipulation, Jealousy, Some stalking, Violence, Murder briefly mentioned, Blood, Delusional behavior, Possessive behavior, Kidnapping, Trauma, OOC JD, Forced proposal/Marriage, Mind break (Yandere), Forced kissing, Forced relationship.

James, or JD, is the son of Marcus Fenix and Anya Stroud.

His parents were originally both soldiers of the COG.

Although, after the death of his mother, his father became disillusioned with the COG.

JD is an idealist who wants to live life with a purpose.

He went to boarding school, meeting his friend Del, and joined the COG against his father's wishes.

However, even he left the COG with Del to become Outsiders after they were ordered to harm protesting civilians.

He goes through a ton of other events through Gears 4 and 5 due to The Swarm making an appearance.

JD would be loyal, protective, and comforting for the most part.

He's a natural leader like his father and knows how to calm his team.

Although... during Gears 5 he us noticeably colder for a period of time before realizing the harm his actions are causing.

I feel as a yandere, JD is sweet for the most part.

He might have met you somewhere in his youth with Del, perhaps Boarding School or COG Training.

JD is so caring with you.

He'd be a good friend and would probably be awkward when it comes to romance.

He knows he loves you, if he didn't then Del can tell due to how dreamy his gaze is towards you.

JD seems like the type who would stutter and suddenly become embarrassed at the idea of a crush.

At first he is, at least.

Point is... JD would've known you before everything, you're a close friend just like Del.

Or in his case... close friend and potential crush.

He's always been there for you just as you are with him.

He cares for you, comforts you, helps you in any way he can.

The way his name rolls off your tongue, be it James or his nickname JD, it makes him euphoric.

He is infatuated, but hides it.

What makes him happier is you follow him into battle.

Be it as COG, as Outsiders, or with Kait, Del, and him against The Swarm... he appreciates your aid.

JD is a yandere who's attached and delusional at times.

Before the events of Gears 5, he's childish about his feelings and may even try to initiate romance at times to test the waters.

"Hey... why don't we try this? I'll back off if you don't want to, just... thought I'd ask."

He tries to respect your boundaries, but also pushes against them to see if they'll give.

He wants to know how far he can take his feelings before you push him away.

Things like hugs, holding your hand, a kiss....

He gets ahead of himself sometimes but apologizes afterwards.

There's times he's oblivious to his own issues.

For example, being too controlling.

He may let his jealousy get ahold of him and end up commanding you as a leader too harshly.

He doesn't like abusing his power... so if you point it out he'll correct himself.

During Gears 4 he's sweet and somewhat aware of the mistakes he makes.

He tends to blindly follow his love towards you... probably craving some sort of loving connection.

You can deal with Gears 4 JD, he wants to impress, protect, and care.

He puts you first... even when he's jealous.

Most of his obsession is subconscious, even then he's remorseful.

That begins to shatter once Gears 5 happens and he pushes those close to him away... instead being closer with Fahz.

After the Hammer of Dawn malfunction killing most of those under his command, he... changes.

Not just physically, mentally.

He's much more controlling and possessive, he's much colder and uncaring.

Before the incident, he was extremely attentive and caring.

Now? Well now he's more focused on himself and his needs.

JD feels irritated and betrayed when you side with Kait and Del over him.

He thought you loved him!? (Dating or not)

At first he blames you... then he blames everyone around you...

He doesn't blame himself until much later.

How dare you leave him!

How dare they take you!

JD no doubt vents about this to Fahz.

Who merely encourages him.

In Gears 5 JD has a higher chance of snapping.

Pushed far enough and the blood on his bayonet isn't Swarm blood.

He gets more violent and volatile.

Even when he knows the truth of Kait, while he is remorseful a bit and wants to help, well now he doesn't want you near Kait... a Swarm Princess.

You may hate him... but JD tries so damn hard to make you like him again.

If that doesn't work... he blames himself for causing this to happen...

However, due to previous traumas, now he fully breaks.

Next thing you know, once he loses Del to Reyna, he's locking you in a room with him.

He doesn't force you into anything at first... no... he just breaks.

He caves and admits everything on his mind and in his heart.

He loves you, he's scared to lose you, he ended up killing at least one person for you and liked it a bit...

He doesn't plan on losing you... no, in fact he plans on fixing things.

You squirm when he pulls you close, a hand tightly around your wrist.

His lips are dangerously close to yours and he whispers about how much he loves you... how much he needs you...

Then he proposes... he's always wanted to marry you...

You're stunned by the lovesick delusional gaze in his eyes.

You barely even register the kiss he presses to your lips... barely acknowledging him whispering about how much he's dreamed of this before going in for another.

He's... lost it.

His mind breaks and all he wants to do now is settle down and care for you.

His grip on you is tight, like he'd lose you if he let go.

You can only shake when he pulls away to caress your cheeks, pressing you against the wall with a lovesick grin.

His heart belongs to you... he's killed for you and will do it again... he doesn't want anyone else to have you...

He whispers for you to say yes... to marry him... to let him have you.

The words stick in your throat, but JD squeezes you tighter.

Eventually, you'll cave too... you'll say yes to appease him.

Such a response earns you another kiss... JD promising this is the start of him fixing things between you...

Yet you know better than that... he won't fix things... he'll just make them worse once again.

"Dreamed of this forever, baby... love you so much... no one will take you from me EVER again, okay? Gonna marry you... make you mine... just as I've dreamed about...."

#yandere gears #yandere gears of war #yandere jd fenix #yandere james dominic fenix

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adhdbisexualramblings · 1 year

Text

No. You know what?

I am sick and tired of how the Invader Zim fandom treats ZaDr.

While I stand by the firm belief that any romance between them would be imagined, bitter, codependent, and toxic, you are all terrified of that. You are all scared to admit that it’s anything but nice.

“oh but Zim and Dib are so similar that-“ that is EXACTLY the problem. They’re too similar. One is apprehensive to get close to anyone and the other has no social skills. Zim craves attention and isn’t good at giving it. Dib focuses too much on getting the attention of those around him and doesn’t relent until it blows up in his face. And have you seen Zim? Have you seen how manipulative, uncaring, and selfish he is? Do you really think he would accept Dib, a human, as his partner to begin with? Do you not think Dib wouldn’t have an issue with getting close to the enemy? Do you think neither of them would? If anything, a “relationship” between them would consist of Dib following Zim around like a puppy, because Zim gives him attention, and Zim leading him on because he loves being paid attention to.

It would be messy. It would be bad. It would be codependent at best and downright emotionally abusive at worst. They hate each other.

the fact that they will need to “rely on each other UwU🥰” is NOT GOOD. They can only rely on each other so much before it becomes too closed. Zim doesn’t understand human love. Dib is so starved for affection he’ll love anyone who gives it, and have you seen him? He attached to Mr. Dwicky only because he said he believed him. If he wants to get into any sort of relationship, he needs to set some sort of boundary first. He’s not going to do that with Zim, and if Zim does set boundaries, they’re going to be enforced very roughly.

Zim has never gotten any praise in his sad pathetic life. If he does, it’s all he’ll focus on. The one thing he wants is respect and attention. Other than sucking up to superiors, the other way he gets the respect he wants is with fear. Not just respect, even, but a power dynamic that puts him above the other person. See Prisoner 777 and his children and his multiple threats to anyone who he might want to intimidate. He’s not completely prickly, yes, but the anger and brashness he displays is very thick as well as very hard to put down. It takes a lot of coaxing to get anything positive out of him.

Zim likes fear. It’s something that makes him feel superior. He feels more comfortable when he has any sort of advantage. We see him take glee in showing his Tallest or fellow Irkens how he’s the greatest. How of course he’s right and brilliant, he’s Zim. This barely needs to be said, but he has a massive ego. Not to mention his feelings on all humans in general. Filthy, dirty, stupid, inept, deserving of Irken control. He’s hardly eager to get into a relationship with one.

This is where I would mention that they are similar which, while that would give them common ground, is often one of the dealbreakers in actual relationships. If people are too similar, fights often run back and forth for hours. They don’t know how to take in this often painful mirror image. They know every inch of the person before knowing them. They don’t know how to communicate. For Dib and Zim specifically, it would be emotionally damaging as opposed to eye-opening. Neither like being reminded that they’re wrong, or that there’s something wrong with them. They have similar problems, which neither can fix because they’re still pushing back dealing with their own. It would be a circle of hurt, even unintentionally. They might both love the transactional attention, but that would only lead to them believing they need each other, and feeling more comfortable in the obligatory attention the other provides. Because a lack of attention would make them feel their relationship isn’t working. It’s built on the need for an audience and praise.

But they don’t need transactional attention. They need someone who can listen. They need someone who can give another perspective, but if they’re two mirror images, the light only bounces back. They would get nowhere.

Even if it, miraculously, wasn’t filled with bitterness or intentional hurt, the two would be stuck. It would hardly be good for an Irken, who has a completely different moral code and different form of hurt, to be with a human, who is only marginally more self-aware.

I have a lot of feelings about this specific part of the fandom and am up for talking about it more or criticisms.

#zadr criticism #invader zim #Invader Zim ships #toxic relationships #Now I just wait for the hate in my inbox

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thelazyhermits · 7 months

Note

If Fortune!Yuu did finally assured herself that she's staying in Twisted Wonderland and not go back to her original dimension. What would her future be like? Like all grown up with all her boys in NRC. I would like to think she and Sebek somehow got platonically married. Just imagine the scenario with time travel trope, I would think everyone's reaction be very funny, especially younger Sebek, to the Fact Yuu is married to Sebek. Even if it's platonically :)

If Yuu gets to stay in TW, which is obviously what I would like to happen, her future would be heavily intertwined with all her friends since she'll keep in touch with them, especially her sons, so she'll never have to worry about loneliness again.

Job wise, I like the idea of Yuu working for Leona, like what was brought up in my Fairy Gala fic, as a liaison of sorts. All her social connections and her skills when dealing with people, which only improved thanks to all the work she had to do at NRC thanks to Crowley, would make her really good at this sort of job, I think.

Plus, I want Leona to always have someone in his corner, no matter what happens at home. While he's incredibly strong on his own, it does him good to have that support, and of course, Leona just likes having Yuu around since she keeps him entertained and he'll have an easier time looking after her that way.

Because once a certain lion Beastman takes an interest in someone and decides they're worthy of his protection, he'll make sure they're always well taken care of.

Anyway, so this will mean Yuu will likely end up living in the Afterglow Savannah. However, Leona gives her plenty of opportunities to travel for business-related reasons and so she can see more of the world, so she'll be able to visit all of her friends without too much trouble.

Relationship-wise, it's really hard for me to tell if Yuu will ever fall in love romantically with any of the guys or if she'll remain single and have incredibly strong platonic bonds instead. Whenever I write her, I lean more toward her being aro/ace, because she really is completely satisfied with hugs, cuddling, and platonic kisses.

She craves love after having gone her whole life without it, but in her eyes, platonic and romantic love are equal. One isn't superior to the other, so she doesn't think romance is necessary for a happy life.

But she's not necessarily opposed to romantic love. She's just never going to purposely seek it out since she figures if it happens it'll happen one way or another lol

If platonic marriage is a thing in TW, Yuu would absolutely be all over that and would be more than happy to marry Sebek. Honestly, I could also see him being aro/ace, so I don't think he'd have any issue with that kinda marriage.

ADeuce are also contenders since they've both got a lot of love for Yuu and are extremely close to Yuu. Deuce in particular might be the biggest Yuu simp cause this boy adores her so much 😂💕

Because I've been so focused on my biases, aka Jack & Sebek, I haven't been given ADeuce enough attention as of late, but that started changing with the Halloween fic which is when I wrote my first fluffy one-on-one scene with Ace, which was in chapter 2.

Since then, I've been working on more stuff for those two, and I'm realizing just how attached they are to Yuu, which makes sense cause those two are like that with Yuu in canon, based on their voice lines.

But still, I'm only now realizing that Sebek might have some competition when it comes to simping for Yuu lol 😂

#fortune in twisted wonderland

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lady-of-endless · 4 hours

Note

Hi! Can I get a matchup for JJBA (any part) and Overwatch.

I am female, she/her, 25 years old, bisexual, ENFP.

I am a very ambitious person that loves to learn new things, I am an artist by profession and finished 2 art schools. I am a big art history nerd and love to talk about artsy and philosophical things. I am very extrovert and love to meet new people, I love going out and taking long walks. My main hobbies are video games, writing, reading, watching anime and movies and lifting. I am very friendly, love hearing out other people and I always try to understand their side and how they feel. I am very sensitive and tend to easily get attached to people. Romance wise I struggle to show affection to my partner, however I show it trough gift giving rather than physical touch or trough words. Overall in relationships I am very communicative and will always bring up issues or understand if my partner has issues with me and I will try to fix them always.

Appearance: medium length red hair, a mole above my lip, chubby build and short, pale skin and hazel eyes.

Author's Note: Hello again, I hope you will enjoy those. I can tell that you're so fun to be around. It's a pleasure to talk to you and thank you so much for wanting to do this trade!

(beautiful GIFs are not mine, all appreciation to the op)

Your Jojo's Bizarre Adventure matchup is...

Kakyoin Noriaki!

- An artist and a philosophy enthusiast? He's whipped, gone. He will find you absolutely mesmerizing. You two will click right away! And he will also get attached fast.

- However, before realizing that he's falling for you, you two get close to each other as friends first. It is known that he wishes not to feel alone anymore, and to have friends. Because you like to get to know people, you get to him. He's introverted and he finds your presence so refreshing.

- He's bewitched with your whole personality but his favorite thing about you would be your ambition. It just shines through, it motivates him, it gets him going too. He just loves watching your power, your strong ambition, and your kindness.

- He appreciates how you make things work so well in your relationship, making it very healthy. He also always wants to know if there's any problem he can fix.

- He is also a curious person with a desire to learn new things so please, tell him more about your interests, especially about art history. He can listen to you talk about it for hours.

- Please show him your art. Not only he will admire it and praise you for it so much but he also is moved by the fact that you want to show him.

- Romance-wise, even despite his introverted personality, he is extremely affectionate. He just craved showing his love and admiration for his special someone for so long. He has a lot of love to give to you.

- You're into lifting? He starts sweating under his clothes because damn he finds it so hot.

- Art museum dates are your thing. But when you get back home, you'll lose track of time, gaming with him. He will playfully provoke you during it.

- Oh and his Hierophant Green is so clingy with you since he sees how happy you make Kakyoin.

Runner up: Caesar Zeppeli- I feel like your artistic inclination and your extroverted personality charm him more than expected. You're much different than all the women he invited to dinner at fancy restaurants, you're a breath of fresh air, a change in his type, and it intrigues him.

Now onto Overwatch

Your Overwatch matchup is...

Lifeweaver (Niran Pruksamanee)!

- He came to my mind immediately after reading how you take time to try to understand other people's points of view because that's exactly what he does too, all the time. You two are a blessing.

- However, he has seen the cruelty of the world too so he wants to protect your kindness and friendliness from those who might use it.

- Your artistic nature is very interesting to him, very attractive. It speaks to him because he's also an artist, activist, and inventor. That's why you two click and get along so easily from the start. He will always be in the mood to admire your work and hear more from you.

- Your ambition powers up his. You two will always hype and support each other. A lot of people will be jealous of how well you work together as a team.

- He loves to get lost in deep philosophical conversations with you. You will both lose track of time during those calming moments.

- He'll always prepare beautiful bouquets of flowers BUT knowing how curious you are in general and eager to learn new things, expect him to pick the flowers having flower language in mind. He knows you'll probably like to discover what each flower type means when gifted and its symbolism.

- With this in mind, romance wise he also has gift-giving as a love language. Although he can't decide on his favorite love language. He's very affectionate and won't be afraid to hide it. However, he's not going to be suffocating or clingy.

- He is going to treat you like a queen, a goddess even, and not just in the relationship but from the very start. He respects you a lot.

- Will always ask about what you're reading and listening to you talk about it. He will ask if you could read to him as he lays his head on your chest because that's his heaven.

- Long walks through nature as dates! He's going to take you to the most beautiful places just to see you smile and get inspired.

Runner up: Genji - you're exactly what he wants in his life, you're definitely his type too. And even Zenyatta - he too admires your sensibility and kindness.

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yoonia · 1 year

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hi! 13 & 26 for the ask game 🤍

Hello! thank you for sending this in!

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? The subject that becomes an incredibly difficult matter to write about would be anything that has to do with character death, or grief, or mostly those that involve terminal illnesses. Which is ironic, since I know that one of the series that I finished last year talked about grief and the biggest one that has been on hiatus (About Time) has characters with terminal illnesses. This topic is just too close to home for me, but at the same time, it also offers me a sense of healing by talking about this through my writing. The subjects that I avoid the most would be physical abuse and the usage of drugs. I don't think I can even bring myself up to read or watch anything that has these topics because they're too triggering to me. And if there's any chance that I have to include these topics into my writing, I tend to write them vaguely or just have them briefly mentioned without getting into details. What is easy? romance, affection. I think I'm the kind of person who craves affection and romance the most in order to be able to be intimate with someone, and I could just put the things that I wish for from a partner into the characters and the scenes I write to fulfil that need. It's not always easy, but it works the best without giving me so much of a hard time (unless I'm not in the state of mind to do it, just like this one time I wrote a boyfriend JK fic while having a fight with my bf and it turned into angst lol)

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place? I usually put myself in their shoes, and picture myself experiencing the situation that they are in and try to see what I would do if I was in that situation. This is probably why I always grow attached to the characters that I write about. Because even if I always focus on their character traits while doing this and use that to solve the issues or find resolve, I'm still doing it while becoming them for a brief moment so I can feel what they're feeling, I know what they're seeing, etc. I get out by distracting myself from that writing. take a long break, but at the same time, I try not to read or watch anything else just to get out of the bubble so I won't lose touch with the story or characters in case I'm still working on it. Just do whatever I could to get my feet back on earth and stay grounded. I never truly regret doing so deeply when I create these characters. except for maybe one occasion. There's a reason why I haven't been able to continue writing About Time. I always tend to get too deep into my OC's mind when I'm working on that story, and oftentimes (again, because the topic that I write in that story feels too close to home) I end up getting too emotional after writing the scenes that I always have to take a long break from it to get out. The latest update took me months (maybe a year even?) to get out of the mindset I was in while I was writing it, hence I've been afraid of starting it again when I have so many WIPs to focus on.

❥ Talk to me: Weird Questions for Writers

#ask game #get to know the author #fic: about time

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rejaytionships · 1 year

Text

cougarverse: knd timeline

Basic Information

Name: Arnie Treize Pronouns: She/Any Age: (somewhere in her 30s)

Relationships

Father / Benedict Wigglestein-Uno [husband]

Delightful Children From Down The Lane [stepchildren]

Jenkins [friend]

Numbuh 13 [nephew]

Toiletnator / Lou Pottingsworth III [queerplatonic partner]

Timeline Lore

(under readmore)

arnie treize is a tomboy who self-describes as "washed up" and "unlucky"

she would work a few low-wage jobs and every single time she'd get fired for an otherwise ignorable mistakes somehow becoming comically tragic accidents

being in the same family as numbuh 13, arnie believes that the bad luck the two face is actually a gene across their entire family tree

she lands a job as a cleaning lady for father because quite literally everybody else applicable either quit within a week or was too scared shitless of father to get the job to begin with

initially father thinks she's kind of annoying but he's desperate for someone this willing to have a job with him. he honestly assumes she's going to quit within the first week but at the very least her interview went best out of everyone else

when father asks arnie about the knd (specifically to weed out if she'd be a willing member of his evil team) she agrees to help him out with this endeavor

father is most pleased with this new minion. arnie is however 100% under the belief that the knd are simply roleplaying, and she assumes that now part of her job is larping with father's five very peculiar children and their "friends"

father is known to have a horrible temper. the whole household thought father's first temper tantrum around arnie would cause her to quit, but actually she ended up handling it fairly well and even managed to shut it down quicker than usual

the two do talk a little on the off-hours since father has a baking lifestyle going on. arnie likes spectating whatever father has going on, considering his baking style is "perfection isn't enough" and arnie's baking style is essentially "fuck it we ball"

at some point arnie figures out that the knd aren't just roleplayers, and that they were now actually caught in a crossfire between petty adults and wacky children. if father hadn't otherwise been very satisfied with arnie's dedication to the bit, she would have been in a world of trouble with father (it did somewhat embarrass him tbh to find out that his worker thought she was playing pretend with him this whole time)

what causes arnie and father to eventually start getting closer is after one of the missions against the knd failing catastrophically. father was sulking by the fire and arnie decided to bring him ice cream with the excuse "ohhh i wanted some for myself but you seem like you might want some too" and thus it opened up the perfect window to get father to talk about what's going on in his head

this turns into a tradition. father feels upset about something? ice cream by the fire! arnie saw a weird bug when cleaning and needed to complain? more dessert! both of them just needing a reason to socialize? you know where to find them

both of them are very lonely people deep down. the difference is that arnie is the one who takes steps to do something about it, while father was willing to accept he probably wouldn't form meaningful relationships ever

the delightful children (and jenkins) also end up attached to arnie, since she makes an effort to extend kindness to them (and has been taming father's crazy anger issues with this hit new ice-cream-and-chill trick)

the reason they end up together is probably because one night they're hanging out in the kitchen talking about their pasts together and the topic of exes comes up. arnie hasn't dated since college, and father hasn't dated period, so they get to bicker about how much they crave some form of romance......and then it clicks with them. they can date each other, can't they?

arnie ends up getting promoted from "cleaning lady" to "loving member of the house" because of this. even though arnie no longer gets a paycheck from father, he still covers all of her financial needs and more

he's probably above and beyond about it as well. she saw a cool outfit at the store today? he'll have it hand-tailored by professional fashion designers, made to fit her perfectly. she wants to take a trip to a theme park? he'll privately rent the whole place out to ensure the lines are short. it's his love language, and he has his ways of pulling it off

the first time arnie saw father's true form was shortly before the two got engaged. it was something he was frankly very embarrassed about, but arnie did not think it was that big of a deal. like.....oh no, he's still my boyfriend who is also attractive? the event let father feel more comfortable being himself around arnie, although he still does bottle up that side of him a lot for comfort reasons

father ended up proposing at the end of an all-day date just under a year after the two started dating. they had spent the sunlight at the beach, and the evening was spent at a high-end restaurant near the water. dessert got brought out, and right on top of the delightful cake treat was the ring. arnie took way too long to process what was happening and genuinely almost ate that damn ring

the wedding was fairly unpopulated, since all arnie had was immediate family, and father had like.......his delightful children, jenkins, and maybe a few random villains. however, it was still quite grand and they made the most out of what they had

the delightful children sometimes try to play pretend-restaurant at home to treat their parents. they do none of the cooking (at least not after the first time) but they always looove getting all fancied up and presenting things super formally. arnie gets way more of a kick out of it than father does, but they both appreciate the efforts

i'm sure i'll think of more but WAUGH. arnie lore dump. good fucking night it's quarter to 3am

(10.june.2023) EDIT i have more because i'm a toiletnator stan now

arnie would eventually start tagging along to the villain meetups, so that she could see exactly what she needed to learn as a new "villain"

at these meetings is where she met the toiletnator, lou, who managed to get sat at father's table. arnie and lou started to chat it up during the meeting, where lou really hyped himself up as an incredibly competent villain

when father brought arnie home that night, he explained the toiletnator is certainly not competent, much less good at what he does. this only made arnie more intrigued by him

eventually, arnie and lou bonded over feeling like the odd ones out in the group. lou found himself at father's mansion a whole lot more often now that arnie would bring him over to hang out. he was the only friend she could hang out with besides father or jenkins, so after a while he became a fairly big figure in the house. much to father's distaste, of course

lou and arnie also bonded over both having nephews in the knd (lou had numbuh 4, and arnie had numbuh 13)

the two of them becoming qpps wasn't made official in a super fancy way, similar to arnie's romantic relationship with father. lou and arnie were watching a movie, and they started talking about their feelings. arnie tried explaining that she had a weird crush on lou, but it wasn't anything romantic. like a friend crush. lou exclaimed he felt the same way, and then the two agreed on calling what they had going on "friend-dating", like platonic soulmates!

this was ran past father, who didn't judge the type of relationship but rather with whom it was with (he just thought the toiletnator was kinda lame, as kind-hearted as lou was). he ultimately was fine with it though, given how happy it seemed to make arnie (and also kept her entertained when he wanted his alone time)

#arnie treize #she's the man #cougarverse #self ship community #selfship #self insert #self insert community #selfshipping #selfship headcanon #long post #royally flushed #jay's jots

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masquenoire · 2 years

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😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

💗 Has my muse ever been in love?

🍬 Is my muse a sub, dom, or switch?

👮 Has my muse ever had sex in public?

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

sex + romance headcanons!

[ Aright, gonna throw these under the cut because there’s a few to answer... 😂 ]

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

At this rate, it would be quicker listing what he’s NOT into. Anything unhygienic is a no go as well as kinks he considers to be ‘creepy’ such as age play. Roman might like being called daddy but his tastes lie firmly in partners around his age or even a little older. His preference for mature lovers stem from his experiences in that inexperienced bedmates tend to be a pain in the ass to handle - somebody who knows what they’re doing and has an idea of what they like will always be picked over a blushing violet since he doesn’t have the time or patience to deal with naivety unless he’s really into them. It’s also because some of his fetishes/kinks tend to involve rougher stuff such as breath play, BDSM, edgeplay and orgasm control/denial. He’s a sadist (with a few masochistic tendancies) so not everybody is equipped to handle what he can dish out and craves in return, though he’ll usually try anything at least once so long as it doesn’t skeeve him out too much. Honestly, Roman just wants to get off and if he’s got to get a little creative, he’ll do just that.

💗 Has my muse ever been in love?

MANY TIMES. Roman’s fallen in love not just with people but things as well. His very first love was his father’s suits, how classy and stylish he found them to be to the point where he wanted to wear nothing else for the rest of his life. His love of quality men’s clothes persists to this very day with him having deep pride in his collection of luxury clothing. When it comes to people, he’s had many relationships over the years and grew infatuated with a variety of lovers but his most significant partners were his first and second girlfriend/s. Circe was a top model working for his father’s cosmetics company back when he was still a teenager. She was the first person who accepted him as he was and gave his virginity to her, but she ‘abandoned’ him a few years after the death of his parents when Janus Cosmetics ran into serious financial problems. Roman might not have been nearly so hurt if he hadn’t found she’d already hooked up with another wealthy lover, having moved on to somebody else who could provide the lifestyle she craved. Tiffany, his second girlfriend, was much more genuine in her affection for Roman despite being a drug trafficker. Her untimely demise at the hands of the Joker cut their relationship short however, making it difficult for Roman to open up and become romantically attached to anybody again. He’s grown infatuated with various individuals, usually after a good one night stand but his issues regarding trust and commitment currently prevent him from taking those relationships to the next level.

🍬 Is my muse a sub, dom, or switch?

He is hardcore dominant. Due to past trauma, Roman has trouble dealing with trust and it takes a LOT of effort on his end to willingly cede control over to his partner. Sexually he’s more lenient; he doesn’t care nearly as much whether he’s giving or receiving so long as he’s having a good time but he’ll always strive to be dominant over other men compared to women. It gives him a kick having so much control over somebody who perceives (or is perceived) to be powerful, putting them in their place by showing them he can strip all that power away however he wants, whenever he wants. In a healthy relationship that’s taken time to develop, he’s totally a switch but any relationship can be expected to start with him firmly in control barring significant differences between them (i.e: his lover is metahuman and/or has superpowers since he’s just an ordinary human at the end of the day.)

👮 Has my muse ever had sex in public?

Has Roman had sex in public? Does his office count? Looking like he does, Roman tends to stand out in a crowd unless it’s from before his mask fused to his face or he’s found a way of concealing his masked features. He wouldn’t mind the thrill of having sex in public, not even caring if he’s got a spectator or two but he’d really rather not deal with members of public calling the GCPD on him and sticking him with charges of public indecency on top of his already lengthy list of crimes. He’ll settle for sex in his office, maybe even hiding a partner under his desk and pretending nothing of the sort is happening while he’s getting some fun from beneath. Paperwork gets boring sometimes.

💑 - What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

As long as you’ve got a pretty face but aren’t two-faced, Roman’s willing to roll. He couldn’t care less what race his partner is nor would he care if they have superpowers or not just so long as he’s able to trust them. He can’t settle down with somebody he cannot completely relax around and in his line of work, trust is a very fragile thing to place in another’s hands. He knows he’s a difficult man with a lot of problems so somebody who is understanding of that and is willing to give him his space, yet respect he has feelings and is only human at the end of the day is ideal. Roman’s got a bad temper but he’s got enough self-control not to lash out at his loved ones, something which both Circe and Tiffany understood and therefore didn’t try to ‘change him’ for the better.

💘 - What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

Roman can be a demanding man but he can be very giving too. He’ll rarely ever openly admit he loves somebody since words are cheap (plus crime lords have plenty of enemies) but he’ll make an effort to show just how important somebody is to him, typically through spoiling them with expensive gifts and praise. He’ll list off all the things he loves about a person, ranging from how good they look to how talented they are, buying them pretty (or desired) gifts to please them. He has good memory for things people (who are important to him) like, including subtle things they might have only mentioned in conversation once or twice. While he has difficulty showing affection due to how uncaring his parents were, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. With somebody that he loves deeply, Roman will actively walk into danger and even take a bullet if he has to. He’ll swear vengeance on anybody whose hurt somebody he’s close to, making it a priority to hurt them right back even if he’s got to spend thousands doing it. This is a man who told the Joker to his face he was going to kill him for what he did to his girlfriend, holding onto a bad grudge until the end of his life.

#eyeless-smiles #memes ;; sex and romance headcanons #Thank you for sending these in!#It took a while to do so I am sorry about that and if these were pretty lackluster #I just have a lot of thoughts and struggle getting them out #This week is a bad one for that so it seems #This was fun to write though and helped flesh out a few things #I never really mentioned Roman's fetishes/kinks before but... yeah #He's got a few extreme tastes since he can't get off that easily #Anything a bit rough or hurty turns him on #For his lover he can be soft but himself he needs a bit of pain due to sensitivity issues #The last one is pretty significant #Roman is a real ride-or-die lover #When he cares about you he REALLY cares about you

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haldenlith · 11 months

Text

More evening personal life rambling. Really rambling.

The more time goes on, the more I kind of get the vibe that I fall into that "probably won't find a partner" category. I know having the desire for a romantic (and sexual) partner is somewhat silly, and detrimental, but I'm not going to deny that it's there. It is. And I sort of have my doubts as time marches on due to a lot of factors.

My track record isn't exactly great, for starters. I've never managed to even get to "first date" status. I generally get shut down pretty fast. I don't know if I'm just bad at conversing or what. That aside, my lack of interest in a family or marriage has been a dealbreaker for some (okay, actually, all) gents I've conversed with, and I've generally (as in just when talking in a group) gotten shit for being polyamorous.

Gotta love living in a heteronormative, monogamy-centric society. And no, that was not a fun experience, because it came with a healthy helping of slut-shaming and talking about how gross having multiple partners like that is.

Being nonbinary hasn't come up in the past, by virtue of not being out back then (technically still not -- but only because no one IRL has ever asked -- I don't advertise it), but I suspect it would be an issue.

Actually, I think a lot of the issue is the location I live in. Living in the deep south as a queer with no interest in family or marriage makes me very much the odd man out. And with equally queer tastes in men, hoo boy. It's like a vegetarian being stuck in a meat packing plant. The landscape around these parts is either sleazy fratboy, the blandest of corporate white men, or ultra-masculine lumberjack that drives a pickup truck that has the American flag attached to the top and probably unironically voted for Trump.

Well, there's also a fourth flavor: cop.

Yeah, all of those choices do not spark any interest or desire. And no, I don't think I'm asexual. I have felt that attraction before. I (sort of) know what I like. I'm just also aware that the beauty standards of the average man in today's society do not line up with what I find attractive. In fact, what most people consider an "attractive man", I do not. Stripping these men of their status, and going purely on looks (yes we are going full objectification ray on them), if I were sitting at a table with my friends, and Chris Hemsworth or Henry Cavill, or even Michael B Jordan, strolled by, my friends would be tripping over themselves to probably try and get their numbers.

I would glance to notice that a person is passing by. That's... about it.

Now, (again, ignoring career and status), say, Booboo Stewart walked by, I'd do the full tuuuuuuuurn and ponder my angle of attack.

I wish he had a different nickname he went under, but it is what it is ("Booboo" as a name has... unkind connotations down here in my neck of the woods). Also, no, I've not seen anything he's acted in. I literally saw him (I think on Pinterest) once, was like "oh who is this tall drink of water" and went diving. His artwork is cool. Uninterested in his movies.

I have a thing for clean-shaven boyish and/or androgynous "pretty" guys with long hair.

They're, um, not common round these here parts, and when I have encountered them, I've been shot down (see above "not monogamous" + no children issues).

Add to that soup the Kinky Koolaid Man busting through the wall (I'm into kink -- though I am extremely inexperienced), and I've just decided that the odds are not in my favor, and I'm not sure I'll ever have the spoons to fight those odds (and that's without mentioning other issues like ageism towards AFAB folk, ageism in dating in general, transphobia, and general misogyny).

*puts on sock puppet* "Just move to a more open area when you get the opportunity, forehead!"

I'm sure if that ever happens, my prospects in making friends and finding the romance and intimacy my grey matter craves will increase, but I'm not hedging my bets.

Notice I said "if", not when. I'm still trying to get my degree, but also things seem... turbulent... in the graphic design sector of jobs, and the average pay seems to have dropped in recent years, so, yeah. One thing at a time.

But yes, these thoughts brought to you by examining my recent daydreamings of imaginary situations (generally centered around kink positive, sex positive, open and supportive relationships), leading to me thinking realistically about how one would even get into the imaginary situations.

#haldie rambles #personal shit #this is one of those multilevel issues #it doesn't help that I'm not the most outgoing of people #I struggle to make friends let alone find romantic partners

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pretty-volatile · 1 year

Text

Monday, April 17, 2023 6:49 am

I'm currently I'm feeling pretty bluh. I've noticed that it's been hard to get to sleep mentally, whereas before being so physically exhausted would help me pass out right away. Um obviously I go through times where I'm a little/a lot more focused on a specific mental health facet (?) of myself and well...

First check in is that I've become a lot more acquainted with my autistic self. I think I've noticed fewer meltdowns/shutdowns/burnouts/overstimulation/overwhelm than before. I still 'mask' a lot, but I'm trying to be more myself and therefore being able to better regulate and recognize the things that send me into those moments. So yay. Can't be open with everyone, but those I have been open with are very kind and accommodating.

For ADHD, my partner and I have brought the return of my perpetual lists! All over the place indeed. But so helpful! So necessary! Otherwise shit wouldn't get done. Overall struggles with ADHD haven't been too too much to handle.

For my bipolar, it seems when I try to accommodate my ism I also tend to help keep my mood swings to a minimum. But I still fluctuate, I would just say not as bad as the big dramatic ups and downs that would cycle one after the other. I seem to be getting some more stability in between. Still go through my psychotic phases though, but that's mostly workable. My partner is there for me too especially during those times.

For my eating disorder, um, that's still complicated. I try not to weigh myself and try to wait a long time in between weigh-ins. For a while we were only eating a meal a day only cause I didn't have enough money for more food. This month is a little better so we get to eat more frequently. It's still hard not to listen to what my eating disorder makes me feel when my coworkers constantly talk about their eating/weight issues and just sound like a lot of disordered eating and/or unhealthy body image/relationship with their body. But I just try to take it day by day.

For my (C)PTSD um well of course that's something I'm always going to be battling with. I try to logic my way through my memories and trauma, and when I do feel the pain of the past, it washes over me completely and I get stuck. It's hard to process all by myself, and I feel bad for even the things that I have shared with my partner since I know they have their own trauma to carry.

But what has my attention again is my BPD. Since discovering I struggle with this and learning what I do that hurts people or hurts myself, I've truly made an effort to work on all those things. The black & white thinking, the splitting, the running away, the self-harming, the self-isolating, etc. I've learned that my BPD episodes really correlate with my CPTSD & autism and since I've been working on the others, I've been better at managing my more harmful BPD behaviors/thinking. I still struggle with the idea of self harm, while I haven't cut myself in years now, it's still something I look back on, craving like an addiction, not quite being able to let it go but knowing it's no good for me. This has extended to my other self harm tendencies, not just cutting. I still crave stronger drugs than weed sometimes to escape reality/myself. It's a big feeling to sit with, accept, and let go. I fear I could give in, but I'm lucky to not have access. I would day for the most part I'm sex-repulsed due to all the sexual trauma that I've finally had a chance to sit with and process. Unfortunately that has affected my sexualness with my partner, but it's also brought on a whole new level of intimacy and romance, while also still occasionally doing it *wink*. I still self isolate a lot. Mostly out of a fear of being left, rejected, forgotten, judged, or having any sort of strong attachment to someone that could have the potential to end in heartbreak. My partner is my one true person, my best friend, my soulmate, my love. Everything I could need and more. It just sucks not having friends sometimes, that aren't work buddies. But even friends stop talking to me eventually so... I certainly still deal with my black & white thinking, also thanks to the ism. I try to stop and rethink or opposite action, etc. But it can be hard and my partner often has to call me out on it. Even though my partner is my most stable, comfortable, safe, protective, reassuring love that I have ever had, I unfortunately still deal with projecting my trauma onto them. Of course it doesn't help that if it's something that's happened between us two before, even if not intentional. Trauma response just be like that sometimes *shrug*. My emotions haven't quite been up-down like before, but more of the empty, stress, depression, fatigue, fog, etc. That certainly hasn't been helped by COVID. But the inability to recognize or name my other emotions and having a specific set of emotions that I always pick from to TRY to remotely describe how I feel could also be due to alexithymia. I still have outbursts. I still get petty and cranky and irritable. I still get major secondhand stress from others. But the way I handle those things are a lot better. Even my partner would agree that my BPD has been more manageable, smaller things that we can confront head on rather than the big explosive shit that used to happen. Idk just thinking about whether I still deal with it/how much I deal with my BPD traits. Wondering if I had it to begin but realizing the reason why I don't have to deal with it as much is because I really have put in effort to put more love into myself and my life and my partner, to heal the trauma a little that caused all this. It'll take me my whole life, but it seems to be getting better in some ways.

Anyway I've been up way longer than i should be and now I'm going to go self loathe like i normally do. Ttyl~

#journal entry

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