SHINJIRO ARAGAKI I LOVE YOU

hello, i'm finally distancing myself from mcyt :]

it's been really fun!! i loved drawing for everyone, for my interest and esp just interacting with you all. this fandom brought me my friends and different experiences and emotions that are rly unforgettable but i think it's time. thank you for everything, i appreciate you all! ♡♡ pls do stay safe and take care of yourselves!

(my art will remain here ofc but i will most likely be turning this blog into how it was before, multifandom, personal and just a bunch of whatever!)

nerfing blurr with cube illness bc otherwise he would be too powerful

hello. I've a rather stupid question. I've only read the books once, as a kid, and I don't understand why people hate calpyso x leo. whys it so bad? why does everyone seems to hate it on here?

xxx,

eurydice

First of all, this is my first ever ask, I've made it mother :D Secondly, I'd gladly explain! Though please note that it really has been a good while since I've read the books too, so my memory is kinda foggy :] Warnings for: Slight mentions (but not too much) of rape, pedophilia and mental illness (oh boy this is a tough one)

So, I have made a post abt this before, but it was written in a fit of rage so not my proudest moment (but my most popular post, oops). Anyways, I feel that the hate towards Calypso x Leo is because of a few reasons. 1. It simply didn't get enough development to feel worth it imo. Similar to Jason x Piper, I felt like there wasn't enough there to warrant a canon ship. There is also the fact that personally, I thought that their dynamic was more of a familial or that of siblings, which made me uncomfortable. I would've much rather have them be friends. 2. The uncomfortable age gap. It feels very weird because while yes, Calypso was depicted as a teenager, she is thousands upon thousands of years old. The fact that she fell in love with a literal child is incredibly weird. It was weird enough with Percy, but at least they didn't end up dating. With Leo though, she did end up dating him and the age gap feels very odd. Its even weirder knowing she had a relationship with Odysseus, who by that point was a pretty old dude so she was probably very mature and an adult (though she doesn't act like it). 3. Calypso is kinda a rapist. In the Odyssey myth, she forces Odysseus (a married man) to sleep with her. I'm sorry, but I can't support any relationship involving a rapist unless its rapist x prison cell. It makes me uncomfortable because she could very well take advantage of Leo, a mentally ill teenager with self-esteem issues. 4. Her toxic treatment of Leo. Calypso was very pissed when Leo arrived on her island, rightfully so after what she had gone through, but even then her treatment of his was outright cruel, especially compared to that of Percy and Odysseus. She made him sleep outside, exposing him to the elements after he got flung through the air and ended up on her island, which must've caused some damage. Then after they started dating, I still felt uncomfortable reading about the two, because their dynamic just didn't work, and I don't recall her apologizing to him for her treatment of him. 5. Leo's arc was thrown away. I think the worst of all, is how this impacted Leo's character. He should've had an arc where he learnt to love himself, but because of Calypso he didn't. I think the moral was supposed to be: 'even if you're mentally ill or have problems, you still deserve love!' but it came over more as: 'ignore your issues and get all your love from someone else.' Isn't it more important for kids to learn about self-love? And as an extra: what could've been. I think that Leo shouldn't have gone back for Calypso, that that ship shouldn't have happened. I prefer him going back to Echo and them learning about self-love together as buddies (and maybe evolving into more than that). Echo was stuck in an abusive relationship with the Narcissist, so I think it would a good arc for them both. I also think that if you really wanted a romance, Jason x Leo would've been much better. We know that Rick can write good gay romances, we know that Piper turns out to be a lesbian, so why not make Jason and Leo gay? I think it would add much more to the tragedy of Jason's death, but that's for another post (and this one is getting too long already oops). In conclusion, I think Caleo is bad for many reasons, but especially because it didn't have enough time to develop and the dynamic was simply too creepy for me to get invested in. Sorry for the super long post- Have a lovely day :D

can you stupid ass pick me lando fans STOP trying to “noooo his names not acccctually lando norris its ackshually bob!!1!!1!1!! we have to gaaatekeep guyysssuhhh the 😡NEWGENS😡 are gonna take overrruhhhhh he wont be ours anymoooorreeeeee” KILL YOURSELF DUDE HES A CELEBRITY ITS NOT THAT FUCKING DEEP DONT ACT AS IF YOU DIDNT GET INTO F1 BY WATCHING A LANDO EDIT THAT GUESS WHAT THE PEOPLE DIDNT GATEKEEP SO FUCK OFF

“here as proof i was a lando girly before chicken shop date!” YOU GUYS WANTED HIM ON THE SHOW AND NOW YOURE COMPLAINING THAT HE IS AND WHINING AND CRYING AND FUCKING SNOBBLING ALL OVER YOUR SCREEN BECAUSE HE WAS IN AN INTERVIEW THAT YOU VOTED FOR HIM TO BE IN BECAUSE SOME OTHER FANS ARE GONNA SEE HIM MORE THAN YOU?? WAAAH WAAAAH CRY ABOUT IT NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FLICKERING FLOATING FUCK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SCREAM AND COMPLAIN IN COMMENT SECTIONS IT AINT GONNA DO JACK SHIT YOU FUCKING PICK ME WANNABE WAG BITCH

“oh my god is already happeneing…. theyre finding out abt him!!! gatekeep gatekeep” YOURE BUILT LIKE A GATE YOU FUCKING NOLIFER ACTUALLY TOUCH SOME GRASS YOU CRAZY ASS INCEL 💀💀 OFC PEOPLE ARE BOUND TO FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE HES FUCKING FAMOUS DUDE AND OBVIOUSLY YOU FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE IF YOURE TRYNA GATEKEEP HIM RIGHT? RIGHT??

no joke i saw a comment reply to someone saying hes cute but doesnt know who he is scream and cry and whine and BITCH AND MOAN that “noooo hes ours for the f1 community only xx 💖💖🥰🥰” Hes not going to date you. You’re probably ugly as dogshit that someone stepped on irl.

AND THEN WHEN SOMEONE TOLD THEM TO DROP IT BECAUSE THEY AINT GONNA DATE HIM THEY SAID SOME STUPID ASS SHIT LIKE “well you dont know how i feel so strongly abt him he needs to be protected from the new fans!! xx 🙄” what the fuck ?? are u mentally ill? are u fucking crazy? did you get dropped on your head as a baby down a flight of stairs?

And before ANY of u come after me saying “oh my gawd u probably got into f1 through a lando edit too don’t even 🙄🤪ur js like us” NO i did not ive known abt ts since i was THREE YEARS OF AGE ANDDD DOOOONT PULL UP W SOME “yeah ur probably a charles fan instead then average female fan” im an oscar and yuki and zhou defender go fuck yourself with your lando themed dildo cz he aint want u and thats the closest ur shit ass is gonna get

comfort from a demon - beelzebub

summary; being a demon was more of a mental struggle than you expected. you can feel your humanity chip away as you continue to live in the past.

genre/extra tags; slight hurt comfort, fluff, cuddling is the form of comfort fr fr, nightbringer! mc, demon! mc, this is just a silly goofy concept, mc can't catch a break, reader is referred to as mc

word count; 641

warnings; mc gets vertigo, describing dizziness in semi detail, identity crisis(?)

[gender neutral mc]

a/n; i love beel sm :((( he's so,,, hhh i lvoev him :( also i did not read a single thing abt what happened in chapter 80 in obey me og, so uh,, call this canon divergence ig, im in my song looping phase rn. kind of losing my mind bc nothing seems to be hittin. anyways, wrote this at like 3-4am. also something abt writing vertigo made me feel it for a min,,, wild. also i swear i wrote more wtf

you haven't been here for long but you can feel yourself molding to this new form. your mentality is a little less human as the day goes by.

it's been very odd knowing that you're a demon now. you can suddenly understand how to summon beings with ease, read curses, read blessings, and it's just a fraction of what this body seemed capable of.

it was stressful. living your life as a human and suddenly having to be something you're not. you're the "attendant" of the brothers but in another timeline, you're their human roommate that they cherish the most.

they're not really mean in this timeline, which is nice but they are slowing succumbing to the respective sins. and they have to deal with finally accepting that they're no longer angels.

and once again you have to play unpaid therapist while you have your own struggles to deal with.

you can feel yourself slipping away. your head in a constant ache as you think about the past the brothers had to deal with, the way you need to come back, the way you need to regain the trust of the brothers, and the way you need to keep this "attendant" persona of yours until there's a way back to the present.

so here you are sitting in the kitchen, elbows resting on the table and your hand pressed on your temples. it's the dead of night, the world is quiet. it's some of the few bits of silence you needed.

your body aches, your breath is heavy while your head rests on the counter. everything feels dizzy. you can't think right.

"mc? are you asleep?" beel's voice rings gently in your ears. he's gentle as his hand rests on your shoulder. "you shouldn't sleep here, it's not very healthy to sleep sitting like that..." his voice is laced with concern, moving your arms to help him get a better look at you.

but you're adamant and very dizzy still. your body jerks, tugging your arm away from his hold. you can't help but cough, you feel like throwing up as if you were too drunk. but nothing comes out thankfully. "are you okay?" he's moving to the other side where your head is facing away from him. he carefully kneels down to face you properly to check if you were going pale. "i don't want to leave you out here if you're not okay."

you take in a breath only to cough, your body shaking. "not..." you try to speak but fail and shake your head gently to answer his question.

"is it okay if i carry you? i'll take care of you." his stomach is growling but he's too focused on you to care. you swallow your choking feeling back and nod softly. beel is more than extremely careful while he guides your arms to wrap around his neck. he doesn't make any sudden movements to worsen your dizziness. "have you been taking care of yourself?" his voice is softer than usual, laced with concern and curiosity. he hasn't been in devildom for long so he's just as lost as you are on demons and how they deal with illnesses.

you don't answer, head still spinning as you rest your head on his shoulder. your silence speaks volumes to him. he doesn't say anything. you eventually reach the shared bedroom of beel and belphie. it felt like forever to get there with how the world felt like it was spinning faster to you. everything felt too fast yet too slow.

"i'm sorry i can't do much." he frowned. he placed you down on the bed, covering you with a blanket. "but i will help you if you need it. i like you when you're caring for yourself and happy, mc." your heart warms at beel's whisper of a declaration.

no matter the timeline, beel seems to care for you all the same.

"thank you."

MORE BOOTLEG DUCKTALES ‼️team science (oops! all identity issues!) edition

team magic here

archimedes gallas / gyro = more like other versions where he's nice but this man is carrying SOOOO much guilt. insane amounts. his entire character is focused on how much his self-worth is down the drain (also hes being haunted by the narrative (phoebe/della)). also he's half japanese. based off the onagadori

cherry pekin / huey = has a similar problem to archie where she has overwhelming feelings of needing to seem mature, and responsible, where she overworks herself

sydney eggtooth-diazi / fenton = REALLYY wants to seem like a Professional Normal Dude. repressing EVERY urge to wear silly ties. sees morality in a black and white sort of way and it WILL cause problems later. he puts archie on a pedestal and its super obvious and it just makes archie more mentally ill

salem milly / gandra = planning to really lean into how she joined fowl bc they were the only ones that supported her. mainly the contrast with how the Main Family supports each other with unconditional love, the love she has is purely conditional, and she's constantly convincing herself that she Wants to do bad things, and that she doesnt care about these people, because despite how she says she only listens to herself, shes stuck to FOUL, and thats her 'family'. based on mille fleur d'uccle

frankie loon / fethry = IT IS PART OF TEAM SCIENCE‼️ after getting back to mainland after being alone at sea for four years, he joins as a janitor. pulling back the marine biology in the sense that he is interested in EVERYTHING. man of a 10000 copies. winning the idgaf war (DOES care abt how his family is disinterested in his interests but its FINE because HE cares its fine its fine. he's accepted he'll be alone). its presence WILL send everyone else into a shock about their identity. hopefully it'll happen vice versa as well

widget-time-tech / widget / gizmoduck / lil bulb = theyre being consolidated and also theyre lil bug guys now!! i dont care if you hate bugs theyre cute as shit!! widget is Usually in the little ball, but also helps control the suit with sydney. it still has anger issues so it'll make things harder for sydney rather than just silly incompetence. and it was DEFINENTLY made to be a superhero ai. no other purposes. at all. certainly not messing with the fabric of time. just helping the ppl of the town :)

mad clucktor / mad clucktor = iwhile he IS a villain he isn't necessarily a bad person. hes a physical manifestation of the part of archie that WANTS to be alive! that KNOWS his worth! he doesn't have to work himself to death to make up for his guilt!

and he's the reason why toby is even active. why he's back

toby / boyd = cannot be normal abt this sorry

he was made to be archie's idea of the "perfect boy". the perfect kid. what he wants to be what he WISHED he would be growing up. hes happy, he can do everything right, he's intelligent, he's strong. his existence is free of human doubt and anxiety, he's the perfect boy and if he was in archie's place everything would be fine

but it isnt! he gets used! toby's used for evil through no fault of his own. but he becomes a symbol of things that are "wrong" about archie. toby didn't resent anyone or be upset with how people treat him. toby doesnt have his own needs. he can do whatever people need him to do. toby was his symbol of hope but becomes a symbol of how everything with him goes wrong. he becomes an unachievable goal that archie is trying to be to make up for the existence of toby!!

and so the only way for either of them to be "truly human" is when archie learns that he doesn't have to be perfect. he never had to be. even if he's made mistakes, he still deserves to LIVE!! he doesn't have to hide his pain and discomfort for anyone!! and its okay for toby to be toby!

Could you talk abt chuuya blindly defending dazai in a way to akutagawa? Bc I remember you talking abt that. Where was that from btw?

Its from the PM onsen drama cd. Throughout it Chuuya is like an older brother figure and the only sane man amongst the group. They go to the onsen because Mori ordered it for Aku's wellbeing. Aku who is injured tends to treat himself poorly and lives a near spartan life, often forgoing things like warm baths and stuff. A major reason for his dislike of baths is that he feels being away from his clothes in an onsen makes him a liability since he can't use his ability to protect himself and others This fear of failure and weakness stems from his trauma from Dazai's harshness.

Now like I mentioned before Chuuya is like an older brother. He is constantly trying to get through to Aku even though he genuinely doesn't want to be there and he is also constantly trying to keep the peace. So at several points when Aku brings up needing to live up to Dazai's expectations and getting his acknowledgement Chuuya finally cracks and talks to him about it. He clearly tells him that Aku needs to let go of his obsession with Dazai and when that doesn't work he tells him to stop sacrificing his mental and physical health and only then can he possibly do the things that can get him acknowledgment from Dazai. The problem however is that Chuuya knows a different Dazai from the rest of the port mafia, as made clear from the other drama cd. To Chuuya, Dazai has never been genuinely cruel like he has been to the other people and Dazai has always cared about Chuuya's mental state in his own weird way as was shown in stormbringer and dragon head prologue. So Chuuya begins to defend him because he genuinely believes that Dazai has some reason to act the way he did even if Chuuya personally doesn't approve of the way he went about doing it. Maybe he is just making excuses for him at this point, maybe he is only doing it to make Aku feel better but he is defending Dazai to an extent and he genuinely believes that about him.

Here is something important that you need to remember about Dazai's abuse of Aku. Dazai didnt do it out of genuine malice. Dazai is a deeply traumatized mentally ill child in the port mafia. Even now he tends to have good intentions for people but he goes about them in the absolute worst ways possible. Chuuya gets that because he just gets the way Dazai ticks. Chuuya understands the way his mind works and his actual intentions and motives. Other people don't. And its important to remember that Dazai never had any power over Chuuya, so yes, Chuuya defends Dazai's reasons, not his actions but he also isn't the paragon of stable mental health.

Hey! I'm a little confused here, what exactly is the difference between Lusttale and Underlust?

I know you said it's a revamp of sorts but I'm just genuinely confused on what the differences are.

Also, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly are the icks you have with Underlust that originally made you want to redo this AU? I've only ever really seen either the decent aspects of it or the fanon versions so I don't really know most of people's issues apart from the... Weird thing about Chara being in.. That kinda clothing.

Heyy! Ill try to explain :3 <3

Differences i wanted were these:

- Make the storyline more fluid and organized, idk felt like the og story rushed through to try and reach certain parts sooner

- Flesh out characters past the sexual deviant who have random, often uncalled for bursts of angst ( or just have ZERO self control )

- I tried to make some characters make better sense. Example, Chara and their trait/design, the reason for Frisk even going, ect - Give background characters a chance to be shown, not saying the WHOLE au with EVERY monster has to be designed, but its atleast nice and feels more detailed ( even Jerry eyeroll )

^ The AU also switched between being owned by the creator, to the creators mutual ( iirc ), to then being a community owned AU since the OG owner left it for mental health reasons. I originally wanted to continue the story, but rebuilding characters in a way it still resembles the original story with a few kind of tweaks helps it feel new, think like Ink Sans's redesign!

These were icks:

- Some characters had almost nothing fleshed out abt them, i totally understand why some dont (hard to flesh out a entire cast, some characters dont give enough to build off of, ect) but its personality stumping if the character is only shown for a sex joke or be background characters to another angst, example Alphys, shown very little unless to comment on MTT's body, or to be the one to help him (MTT one IS important but after that i barely remember her character outside that..) - I know that separating creator from creation is best way to go about some things, though knowing that they heavily shipped Fontcest (which their own AU was prone to have) and had done nsfw Frans art is gross enough for me to wanna not engage with the original au (small non UL related was a Nazi Chara they drew once, shockvalue humor or not why would you?)

- MTT's plot. I really hate how it went. Its not something im gonna remove, but its something i wanna try and do in a way that doesnt feel so abrupt yk? If that makes sense :,D

Other then the few points i can really give, i also just thought it would be nice to give UL a fresh coat of paint. Not like "i took things into my own hands", but just "this made me and alot uncomfortable, the AU is kinda just sitting there, lets try it " !

Oh what's this? I ACTUALLY POSTED ON MY G/T BLOG HOLY SHI-

Anyways guess whaaat, i have a new au.

CATCH THE TIME AU

An Isekai AU where Akito, Saki, Shizuku, Nene and Mizuki were sent to save the Creatio World from being stuck in it's years long Time Loop, however only Akito seemed to remember each Loop and something weird is happening to him. What shall happen to our favorites lesbians and pathetic bisexual ginger? Let's find out.

This is where I'm gonna go unprofessional (I lied) (Ft Pokemon references)

Also yes there are doodles.

Akito : Poor guy is not having a good time. Hes going insane, not mentally okay. His friends keep dying in each loops and he has barely anyone to talk with. And he has the burden of the world's fate on him as the Timecatcher, the only one in this world who can beat the Time God's stinky narcissistic ass. Oh and something went wrong and now after each loops he keeps growing and he gotta do this quick until his height become a major inconvenience. But that doesn't mean he's doing this alone, he got teammates, most he's barely familiar with but teammates nonetheless. They helped him through his lowest, he helped them at their lowest and they helped remind him that it’s okay to ask for help, something he forgot during the midst of each time loops. The constant loops may have changed him, for better or worse, mentally and even physically but what not has changed is his love for his teammates and how he would do anything to not let them die. Oh and he has a cool sword. He also pukes sand. He also may or may not become a demigod.

Saki : Barbaracore Pookie bear. Shes the team's healer and keeps them alive with her magic healing book. If girlypop wanted to, she can become a full Physical Catalyst user by wacking the book to enemies. Either way she's a silly patootie in a silly magical world, she knows abt the loop but still gets her memory erased, yet will that stop her from smiling? No! She's still the bright and cheerful Saki Tenma and even through the worst times, she won't falter her smile. Also she still gets tired easily due to her health but she got some strong teammates who are willing to support her. She truly loves her new friends and teammates, and wants to support them fully!

Shizuku : The Mom Friend™. Her Leoncore sense of direction is still here and everyone has to keep her on a leash to prevent her from being lost and die. Yes she's a powerful witch but still needs supervision. She's also motherhenning the shit out of the younger ones, if she says you sleep then you fucking sleep, Akito i don't give a shit that you're supposed to save the world, if you don't get atleast eight hours of sleep i will kill you. She too is aware of the loop, memories still erased but is always taking care of her teammates, being the oldest in the group makes her feel responsible to care for the younger ones wellbeing, feeling closer to them, like how she feels with Shiho.

Nene : Siren aaah powers. She got the FANGIES AND THE SHORT HAIR. She has the ability to tell people to shut the fuck up with just her voice but shes too nervous for her liking to actually do it. She's also a Disney Princess, animals love her. In case she isn't using her siren inspired powers, she has a poison-infused dagger ready at hand. She also learns how to trust her teammates even if she's unfamiliar with most of them, and they helped her gain some confidence and she slowly gets more comfortable around them. Shes still mostly shy, being in a new world, but still determined to not let the time loops, that wiped her memories, stop her from supporting her teammates to save the world and cut the time loop. She is Zubat but human.

(Ignore the other lil guy ill talk abt em in another post)

Mizuki : Take Kirby, Tinkaton and Amy Rose and mash em into Mizuki and boom you got a pretty pink lil pookie with a big ass hammer ready to whack some monsters. They got LIPSTIIIIICK. Mizuki is still their teasing self in here and yes they do gush over the cute things in the Creatio World and yes they really love their outfit and hammer like FUCK YEAH THIS IS WHAT I WANNA LOOK LIKE IN A FANTASY SETTING, they are truly in love of how feminine they look (Demigirl Mizuki is canon, if you are transphobic or think they're still a guy pls kindly get off my blog and never touch it again). Mizuki is still observant on the mood of the gang and still helps their teammates, gaining eachothers trusts and starts to express themselves more freely. They are too aware of the loop despite not keeping their memories but will that stop them from supporting their teammates, friends to save the world? No! also they pull ligma and candace jokes on the creatio world's people.

(Side note : i love their lipstick)

I don't ship these 5 romantically (lied bc i was heavily considering a rlly close SakiNene qpr) but they are still family and love and care for eachother.

Pookiebears <333

Oh and did i mention their Creatio World selves are just their consciousness transferred into their current bodies and their actual bodies are in a coma.

PLEASE SEND ME ASKS ABT THIS AU MY INBOXES ARE VERY EMPTY AND I WANNA ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS.

hi!! anon who was making a playlist based off of this :> (also here's the link if you want it!! i think i got most of the songs you suggested??: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLj6eiu-ZvonjoX8OBd0lhWiV1BWP6eYtd&si=GmITgoHgQ68CY1Ck)

i do have other questions just abt characters tho so here: 1, idk if you've answered this but does Milo have any mental illnesses or any of that? 2, would Eris ever physically harm Milo to get something they want? 3, if the Milo's were to find out about Eris' horrible actions, how quickly would they react and could they find a way to team up? 4, can i keep manipulation milo i love him very dearly and would like to help him get better

Hello?? Thank you so much! I was listening to this last week or so there are so many cool songs (I was weirdly spooked when I saw the songs I chose for some reason. Why did that spooky me. I was the one who told you to add them). It has that cool edgy feel that Eris always seems to have.

As far as I am aware, Milo doesn’t have any mental illnesses, just really low self esteem. If you want to head cannon him with one (like he might have anxiety for instance), you can but I did not intentionally give him any.

Hmm, would Eris indeed? I’m sure that’s a question that will be answered in an extra story.

It sort of depends on how far Eris has been able to corrupt the Milos. I think near the end of the route, they are pretty much far too gone, so they will never turn their backs on Eris, no matter how much Eris abuses them. It would surely be a battle of the Milos thats for sure.

If you do somehow tear him away away from Eris, then sure, why not. Manipulation Milo would never ever pretend to get better only to manipulate you instead, that would be silly.

hey girl im back again i think abt sideways like evry single day pls pls pls when r u releasing the next update 😞

Hello again! Thanks for checking in.

Unfortunately, I don't have much of an update. I'm still working on my original sci fi series. It's my top priority. I'm almost done with the first book and then I will be focused on posting it.

That said, "Sideways" is always on my mind and heart. It means a great deal to me, and I'm incredibly flattered that you think about it too.

I wish I had better news for where Part 5 stood in the pipeline, but to tide you over, here's an excerpt from it. I opened the fire-proof safe and dragged out the notebooks just for you!

This is from "Sideways" Part 5. I typed it up from the handwritten rough draft. There are no guarantee that it will be close to the final version or that it won't be cut in editing. But, here you go!

“And after that, you’ll be back in this other timeline, hmm?” Dr. Quigley reached for the bishop and then paused.  He picked up his tower instead.

The med bay lights always felt extra bright reflecting off the room’s metal surfaces.  Shepard squinted at the chessboard on Quigley’s desk.  A bold move.  Too bold.  She had to not be seeing something here.

“You must be good chums with Alenko in this other life?”

“Quite chummy.  You’re really buying this story I’m telling you?”

“Naturally.”  Quigley rested back in his chair and steeped his hands in front of him.  “My most recent head scans for you are a little outdated though.  And I do need to inventory the narcs.”

“Not all mental illness is anatomical.”  Shepard vacillated with her queen.  Two good choices.

“I’m glad you’re giving me more doctor’s advice.  We needed this workshop.”

“So,” Shepard said lightly, keeping her eyes on the board.  “How’d Kaidan take the news?  You told him about the . .. permanent damage.”  Whatever medical consequences there were to his Red Death, the doctor had hinted at but refused to tell her.

She set the queen on the black square near his tower.  Slowly lifting each finger off, she leaned back in her chair. 

Quigley snatched her queen up with his rook.

“Dammit.”  She was losing her touch.  Or maybe just her concentration.  “You can answer my question though, right?  I’m not asking what you told him, just the reaction.”

“I don’t see much purpose sharing that.”  Quigley dropped her queen beside the board. He made a prompting motion for her to continue.

She gave up any pretense and looked Quigley in the eye.  “Was he all right?”

“Seems to be, doesn’t he?” Quigley nodded at the mess hall over her shoulder. 

Kaidan stood at the coffee machine, trapped between Cortez and Allison, listening to one of Adam’s tales, replete with exuberant hand motions.  Allison seemed to be the only one not anticipating the laugh beats.

Shepard sighed. “Hell. You’re right.  I’m being nosey.”

“I'm already sold on you being another Shepard.  Saying ‘you’re right’ is just overkill.”

The med bay doors slid open with a hiss air.  Cicero cut a clean figure in a well-pressed uniform and pressed-lipped smile.

“Here for medical treatment?” Shepard asked.

He wasn’t, of course.  His eyes had zeroed directly on her the moment his squeaky boots hit the threshold.

“I am to understand that you deserve congratulations.”  Cicero meandered slowly along the counter toward them.

“I don’t think so. The doc’s beat me.  Just took my queen.”

“Ah, that delightful humor.”  Cicero tapped a tray of scalpels as he passed it.  “Those have water stains.”

“Oh, dear.”  Quigley clutched his chest.  “I wondered what killed my last patient.”

Cicero ran his hand under the edge of the cabinets and examined it with rubbing fingers.  “This whole bay could use a thorough clean.”

“No objection here.”  Quigley shrugged.

“Anyway.”  Cicero ambled to the desk.  “You’re acting counselor or so I heard on ANN.“

“Forgot my tiara and sash downstairs, but yes, you heard right.”

“Congratulations then.  I’d share a glass of wine with you, but it’s been adulterated.  The antichrist must be aboard. Rather than water to wine, it appears wines can become water.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he was,” she said simply.  

“Regardless, a handshake will have to do.”

“Not even that is necessary,” she said begrudgingly, but shook his proffered hand. 

She checked her palm after drawing back.  There hadn’t been a noticeable sting, but she’d been fooled before with a handshake.  Nothing seemed amiss though.  He was trying to unsettle her with his politeness.

“I suppose the late Councilor Wilson would be grateful seeing you take bat.  He had grown rather close to you and Alenko.  That is, before the end.”

“Uh huh.”  Shepard’s blood pumped.  “If you give me a ‘God rest his soul,’ Cicero, I swear . . .”

“Swear what?  I think it’s well-established that attacking me, at least publicly, is not a route without consequence.”

Shepard lurched to her feet, knocking chess pieces over on the desk.  “Thanks for the handshake and veiled threat.  I’ll see myself out.”

“Ah, ah.  Not so fast.”  Cicero caught her elbow then quickly let go.  “Though my wine’s off the menu, I would be pleased if you’d join me in my cabin for conversation.”

“I’d rather be waterboarded.”  She shot toward the door.

“So sure?  Well, that is a shame.  There’s something you may like to hear.”

Her feet caught. 

She urged herself toward the door, even lifted a hesitant hand to the open button.  She should have taken Kaidan’s advice the first time.  Nothing good ever came out of a conversation alone with Cicero.

“About what?” She couldn’t help herself.

“Dr. T’Soni.”

Shepard’s gut twisted. 

“Well, if you change your mind, you know the floor number.”  He strolled around her.

Frozen in place, she could only watch his retreating back.  He cast a thin smile over his shoulder before disappearing through the door.

I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

out of interest, how do you think izaya developed aspd and npd? i know that pds typically develop as a result of trauma so i suppose his parents always being absent would be a factor but id also like to hear your thoughts on it. love the aspd izaya headcanon btw

first off, thank u!

and secondly, his parents being absent would definetley be a factor. i read somewhere that its actually children whove been neglected that are more likely to develop aspd rather than children who are abused, because the complete LACK of stimului contributes to aspd more than bad stimuli does. take this with a grain of salt though because my source is "i saw it somewhere" and im 90% sure that place was NOT a study so it might be wrong

but either way, both pds are known to be caused by trauma and both have a genetic component to them. the genetic component isnt SUPER well known, but it IS known that there's a hereditery component here

so honestly? i think izaya was born with antisocial tendencies. NOT aspd, i must stress- at a very young age, if he was given adequate support and treatment, they could've stayed tendeicies and he wouldn't have developed fullblown aspd. he couldve turned out like one of those guys with a bit of a skewed morality system but is otherwise mentally healthy enough to participate in society without wanting to kill himself or others. quirks over disorder

but from pretty much every account i can think of, izaya was ALWAYS an odd child, to the point where it was his father that instilled a love of humanity into him

When he was younger, I saw he was distant from others, and that made me worried. And so I wanted him to come to like humans and become a man who could strongly love people twice as others would. (source)

of course this isnt exactly very detailed wrt izayas behavior, but if its enough that his absent father noticed, it mustve been pretty serious

so wrt his aspd, i think he was born with those kinds of tendencies, which were then exasperated by the neglect and ergo got worse and worse over the years, culminating in high school with his friendship with shinra, blackmailimg of nakura, and his beginning to poke his nose in the underground

his npd is a bit trickier

so, the way i personally developed npd is that my mom would seem to have two perceptions of me in her head, depending on wether or not i was following the Good Perception or not. the first me, the good one, was intelligent, kind, and filled with potential. the other one was a stupid lazy monster. i was the good one, up until i did anything she didnt like, then i was the bad one. these two ideas getting fed into me led to me clinging onto the Good Perception as how i really was, and if something even for a second made me slip, i'd crash down from total egoism to total repulsion. And It Sucked!

(disclaimer: do not armchair diagnose my mother. i have my theories but they will stay private and i absolutely do not want a STRANGER butting into this, especially when they could know less abt mental illness than me and thus spread misinformation)

now, i dont think izaya's parents were like my mom- but there was still a dichotomy at play here. he would go to school, where he would be a smart student and praised by his teachers, even if he kept to himself. then, he'd go home, and be alone. as he got older, it only got worse- humans are social creatures, and we don't take well to being lonely. the mind starts to cope with it however it can.

as izaya started to venture deeper into the underground, he couldve started to develop a superiority complex about it. see, look- he's smarter than everyone. better than everyone. that's why he's alone, its because he's too good to be around them. not because he's worse. he's better.

because, especially once he gets to high school age... izaya is smart. izaya is perceptive. izaya would be able to tell that there's something different about him, and that's why people avoid him and he avoids them. there's something wrong with him in a way that's repulsive and unpalatable to most. that'd wreck a kid's self-image, especially a neglected kid's, since he'd already have low self-image from, yk, the neglect

and the dichitomy of the low and high self-image makes him develop npd- the ego masks the low self esteem, but both are equally felt and true, its not like his egoism and god complex are fake- it's all very real, he feels it all and believes it genuinely, and he clings onto it because if he slips, he KNOWS where he's gonna plummet

anyway thats just my take on it!! "it was his childhood" is prolly a boring answer but honestly a lot of mental illness has that answer at the root of it. art imitates life and all

wait can u give me a quick rundown of ur ocs… so i can ask questions abt them 👀

yes ofc !!!! OK SO. My guy that im like hyperfixated on right now is Emil, he's a mad scientist guy and he SUCKS. basically he's just always been a pain in the ass since he was born and never really made an effort to be a better person. Also he's really fucking smart. He ends up getting really famous and wealthy cuz he invented something really cool (still hammering out deets on this, i like the idea of some kinda neural implant or advanced surveillance tech tho). He enjoys living in luxury but hates the constant attention, so one day he decides to abandon it all and isolate himself in his lab in rural Louisiana. He stays in isolation for like 5 or so years and gets soooo depressed. and keeps thinking gay thoughts about his former lab partner .... (i'll get to them in a bit) he just kinda ignores All That and keeps working. Until his lab partner shows up at his door and is like DUDE YOUR INVENTION CAUSED THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD. and then they go on a lil road trip together to stop the Big Bad and Emil learns to stop sucking so much and take accountability for his actions :3 also heres a doodle i did of him recently <3

[ID: a digital drawing of op's character, Emil, visible from the waist up. Emil is a fat, white man with messy orange hair. He is wearing a white, short-sleeved lab coat, black gloves, and a purple button-up shirt. The shirt is unbuttoned a bit, and his cleavage is visible. He has green goggles on his head, and he's wearing colored contact lenses. His left eye is green, and his right is purple. He's frowning and glancing to the right/end ID] so Sahir !! They were Emil's lab partner in grad school. They're a botanical psychologist (some shit i made up, they're researching the cognitive abilities of plants). They've always been the quiet, out of the way, people-pleaser type. Emil kept them around bc they just went along with whatever he did. ANYWAY they always kinda had a crush on Emil and even when he ditched them when he got famous, they didn't stop thinking of him </3 So when shit goes down bc of his big fuckup they go find him and basically don't leave him alone until he gets off his ass and fixes it. They're still not really comfortable with standing up to him, so they just keep letting him be a dick to them until they just. have enough and totally snap. and that's kinda the inciting incident that makes Emil realize how much of a dick he is and why thats Bad actually. So Sahir's whole personal journey is basically unlearning their people-pleaser mentality and gaining confidence in themself <3 SO theyre the only two that really have a solid storyline at this point, i have a few misc guys ill drop tho :) ok so first up there's Mal (short for Malpractice Lawsuit), she's basically liiiike if u took the concept of capitalistic greed and made it into a lesbian robot <3 shes evil and she sucks and shes sooo hot and i wanna write her into emil and sahir's storyline but im not sure how atm !! but perhaps i will figure it out eventually !! and theres Marvin, he's a lil guy robot and my fav oc :3 he's just small and silly and also a genius who does Epic Cool Hacking Stuff but hes also an 8 year old who eats dirt then theres Hugo and Vicki, theyre cool and gay :) Hugo is the most anxious man alive (also hes from boston) and Vicki is a demon who just decided that xey like him and they hang out. not much story there they just kiss each other a lot

so yah !!! thats my guys !!!

rue bennett, ginny miller, and lack of nuanced perception in how mental illness in black women works

i think the tragedy of euphoria (if i had to list just one) is partially the fandom’s lack of understanding of rue, leslie, and gia…cultural attitudes in the black community have a lot to do w why leslie acts the way she does. and then race is never mentioned bc sam levinson doesn’t comprehend the nuances of race and mental health in the black community.

he can comprehend addiction, but nothing like the fact rue being a black woman will have her heavily stigmatized by the black community as well as the predominantly white one she lives in as her “proving black stereotypes.”

he can comprehend addiction, but nothing like the fact rue being a black woman will have her heavily stigmatized by the black community as well as the predominantly white one she lives in as her “proving black stereotypes.”

that just hits a lot harder knowing in the beginning of s1, she has zero hope and so it feels very hollow when lexi encourages her sobriety, and again in s2 from jules when she’s going thru withdrawals. she is tired of being the scapegoat by everyone around her, even if they have valid reasons for wanting her to get clean and she is making decisions that harm others. and she feels during the s2 interaction with cassie that she is being pitied, simply cannot take it anymore, and retaliates bc she is just so tired of everyone around her being believed to be innocent and pure when they are not, and her being expected to be even in the throes of addiction and it being perceived as “not her.”

bc in a sense, rue is not her addiction. however, she’s lived with it so long that she is used to it, practically revels in the deviant label her entire schools mocks her with, and thus feels like she cannot leave. jules conflicts with this, because she cares for rue as a friend and romantically but is not going to associate with her if she continues. but even when she is sober, people like nate are shit talking her efforts to stay clean when they simply have no idea what she’s gone through, yet jules is proud of her despite rue finding it hard to stay clean. cassie only does the same as nate because she needs a defense for having gotten with him but not taking accountability for how that hurt maddy, even if she was right rue’s friendship with lexi was incredibly toxic and transactional. the issue here is everyone has valid points abt rue except for nate, but no one is seeing the nuances of her situation. it’s either “she’s good because she’s clean” or “she’s bad because she’s not” and jules seemed to be the only one blurring that line because she’s dealt with addiction in her family before.

leslie kind of reminds me of my mom in that she did help me thru mental issues, but it was a very “deviant” thing to do bc of how in most of black american society, racism is seen as something you need to be “stronger” than and thus stronger than any other obstacle. so realistically, some black ppl in rue’s extended family might actually ridicule her or attribute her addiction to personal flaws or solely her father’s death. rue is an atheist, but also her mother was this religious church girl in her youth and rue is seen in church settings during rehab. there’s a possibility leslie didn’t even tell others abt rue’s hospitalizations or if she did and word got around, she had to fabricate some sort of lie so rue would not be judged for her addiction.

and ppl perceive leslie as “overreacting” as they do gia and that’s very suspicious to me. idk like, as compared to ginny and georgia ginny has severe depression and georgia is like, praised for a lot of the manipulative shit she says to ginny when that’s a huge contribution to her mental issues not being resolved for as long as they were in the first place. i personally think a lot of the g&g fandom missed the point of the show—georgia is not perfect. loving your kids does not mean they don’t get to feel traumatized when you admit to murdering their step father. generational trauma is a thing and you cannot love someone into not acknowledging or feeling their extent of their own.

ginny and georgia somewhat makes that distinction in the therapy sessions by explaining bc georgia is white there is a lot of experiences she cant understand ginny has, so she cant just invalidate them. however the fandom is so corny and anti black that they will compare ginny’s trauma to georgia’s to undermine her. and then praise georgia for doing what she should’ve done as a parent which is support ginny and complain how ginny should be “more grateful to have her.” and say the same abt her father. that truly just paints an insidious lack of compassion for black women dealing w/ mental health issues. bc abby and marcus, dealing with their own, have quite never been given such animosity for having mental issues, they’ve actually been given much more sympathy.