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vivalarevolution · 6 months

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𝓕𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻

Dark-Obsessive Neteyam x Reader

Request: „I love your works, and I am wondering if you could write dark-angst fic abt neteyam (aged-up obv). Maybe in a scenario where the reader does not like neteyam/sees him as a friend and likes someone else, which makes him jealous. It doesn't have to be nsfw, but I think it will be very fitting considering the theme of the story.‟

A/N: I have a weakness for dark characters. That's why when I was writing this request I couldn't resist and added a few things along with little changes, going beyond the content I was given from anon.

Not my best work but still I hope you will enjoy reading it and that you will like it. Remember, english is not my native language, grammatical errors will or may occur. Works also contains smut , and that's why please minors do not interact with it.

*Some characters have been aged up

She felt it, felt his burning gaze on every inch of her body. No matter where she moved, no matter how she bent, his eyes followed her ,devouring her. This sent a wave of shivers down her spine which spread all the way to her toes.

And when a pair of hands slid subtly over her ribs, the gaze on her body was no longer devouring, but burning, causing her a pain she couldn't forget.

-Your body is right here , with me. But where is your mind tìyawn? - a man asked her, tickling her earlobe with the air that escaped from his mouth.

-My mind is here as well , do not doubt it - she replied, placing her hand on his chest, when her eyes wander over his blue skin and the black tattoos that decorated it.

-Are you lying to your future Olo'eyktan? - he asked, cupping her chin in three large fingers, stroking the soft skin of her cheeks, his thumb tracing her full, kissable lips.

-I would never lie to you, Aonung - she stated quietly, grabbing his wrist, squeezing it gently.

-Yet you're avoiding telling me the truth - metkayina man said, trying to find the answer in her onyx pupils, which had dilated, now resembling a dark night sky that decorated her irises.

Suddenly, the eyes that had been staring at her disappeared, causing her skin to be covered with a long-forgotten coldness.

-There is nothing I am hiding from you - said the woman, involuntarily looking away towards the place where the one who had been watching her every move had recently stood.

But after her words, the person she was looking for so desperately was suddenly behind her, as if summoned. Hiding her silhouette with his massive body ,placing a large, rough hand on her hip, giving her the impression of a silent and sick announcement that she belonged to him, that she was his property.

-I hope I didn't interrupt anything important - he said politely, so politely that it almost sounded like a lie that hide his true intentions.

-No ,of course not my Olo'eyktan - the woman replied immediately, avoiding the gaze of both men.

In response, Neteyam placed two fingers under her jaw, forcing her to look into his golden eyes, which screamed one word - liar.

-Good , very good...in that case, I would like to talk to you - he announced, speaking to her as if they were alone, even though they were surrounded by a sea of people -...privately - he added, and his voice became lower, heavier, almost threatening.

She was unable to agree or refuse before the same hand that held her waist pulled her towards its owner, making her surrender and accept that she was trapped in a snare that was impossible to escape.

But even if she tried to escape, she knew she couldn't do it. She was too weak to disobey, too weak to oppose, and she hated how powerless she had become.

-Neteyam... - she whispered and almost immediately his attention focused on her -...you have to stop. I am begging you.

The man approached her, running his nose over the soft skin of her cheeks, inhaling her intoxicating scent that made him just want to be closer to her.

-I don't understand what you're talking about yawntutsyìp - he said, running his fingertips along her ribs and collarbones, stopping at the crook of her neck.

-My heart doesn't belong to you. I am not yours - the young woman said suddenly - I have never been Neteyam... and I never will be.

Her words made the hand around her neck tighten, not to choke her, but to give her a silent warning.

-Oh, but you are - he growled low in her ear - You are mine, you belong to me Y/n. No one else can have you - his words became more possessive, more dangerous - You said it yourself, I am your Olo'eyktan - he whispered, pressing his body against hers - That makes you my possession.

Y/n let her body go limp.

My possession echoed in her head, and the dark thoughts that had crept into her mind so long ago suddenly became the reality that stood right before her eyes.

-Whatever you feel for me, these emotions. They are dark, poisoned. They are deadly - she noticed, closing her eyes after a moment when in response Neteyam only wrapped his other hand around her figure, pulling her closer to him, so close that the warmth of their skins overlapped - This is not what love should look like.

The man looked straight at her.

-How do you know what love looks like? - he asked, and the hand that was holding her throat found itself on her jaw, holding her head in place - How do you know what my love looks like if you never let me show it to you? You never try to take it, to feel, to truly feel what my love for you feels like.

-If this is what your love is supposed to look like, then I don't want it - the young woman announced, looking directly into his golden eyes, which became shadowy, no longer hiding the darkness that smoldered deep inside men -Your love is like ivy that wraps around me and suffocates me every time I try to move, tightening more and more, so much so that it breaks my bones. This's what your love looks like.

- I'll show you what my love looks like - he growled , suddenly attacking her neck with his fangs , which almost immediately penetrated her skin , creating a bloody mark , that made a silent scream fell out of her mouth , and a shadow of tears appeared in her eyes.

After that Olo'eyktan moved away from her body , watching with a kind of pride what he had done , moments later pushing her against a tree, immediately hovering over her small body ,like a predator who had managed to capture its prey.

His hands touched her with extraordinary precision, giving the impression that he was everywhere, not allowing even one patch of Y/n skin to be untouched. Her shoulders , her hands , her ribs , her breasts , her hips , her thighs. His fingertips left behind a burning sensation that, instead of dying out like a barely smoldering flame, lasted like a wildfire that consumed not only her body but also her mind.

His lips glided over her soft skin , going lower and lower with each kiss , which left a wet trail and chills behind. Neteyam stopped only when he could taste her sweet arousal on his tongue , soaking her inner thighs and loincloth . Her material teased the skin of his face , which found its place on her womanhood. Therefore, his hands , still roaming over her body , found their place on her hips , just above the belt that held her lower garment , after a moment ripping it with great force , tearing it almost to pieces.

-No...no , Neteyam - she whispered, trying to push him away, even though her body trembled with growing excitement that she could not accept.

-Stop fighting oeyä yawne- he muttered, looking at her out of the corner of his eye as his lips brushed her pubic bone, coming dangerously close to her clitoris, which was swollen and wet, begging to be touched - Just give in -he whispered , before his tongue sank between her puffy folds ,tasting her as if she were the sweetest of fruits.

The woman moaned , and her body involuntarily went limp , now being poised by the man in front of her , feasting between her legs , devouring her and making her mind grow emptier and emptier , no matter how much she tried to resist it . Not when his lips roamed over her womanhood , touching her so well, as if he knew her better than she knew herself , which terrified her as much as it thrilled her.

-No...no...oh please stop...I can't - she babbled , as her own body began to refuse to obey her.

But he continued his assault , slurping her juices with great greed , making her orgasm approach uncontrollably fast , too fast . Y/n tried desperately to push Neteyam away from her , but he only clung to her more , lining his tongue deep into her canal , teasing her tight gummy walls , making stars appear before her eyes, while the lower part of the man's face was covered with a transparent liquid.

The young woman let her head drop involuntarily. Her eyes closed again and again , and her mind became completely foggy , unable to think, unable to escape.

-This is what my love for you is , my sweet syulang - he said tenderly , capturing her heated cheek in his large hand - You saw it , you wanted it , you needed it - he announced in a dark tone of voice , kissing the tears that began to run down her face - You truly wanted it , your truly wanted to be mine...forever - he whispered , encircling her tired body with his arms , drawing her toward him , nestling her body into his.

And Y/n allowed him to do so. She allowed him to kiss the crown of her head, she allowed him to bring their kuru together, making them into a unity that even though it wasn't supposed to exist had just been born, finally making her his. Truly his. Forever.

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singbluesxlver · 1 year

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Im so sick of north americans claiming all the time to be so inclusive and respectful to other cultures when in reality they're the most ignorant and self-centered people in the world.

Especially now that apparently being a "latino" seems to be just a trend.

And guess what! Disney took the opportunity to start releasing content from its new series, based on Latin America's (actually just Mexico, because for people in the US it is very difficult to understand that there are many countries besides Mexico in Latin America) culture, "Primos".

Created, directed, written by: people who know nothing about Latin America.

I am not going to dwell on the number of errors that JUST the opening song already has because the internet is already full of information about it.

But I do want to dwell on how part of the team behind this series is defending itself against the accusations of how racist their show is.

Myrna Velasco, who voices the main character in the series, recently posted a video on her ig stories making the following statement with an air of superiority in her voice:

"The Spanish language its not a Latin American language. Its a language that Spanish conquistadors forced upon latin american people (etc etc)"

(all of this happened because someone corrected a grammatically wrong sentence that she said in Spanish)

1- By that criteria, English is not a North American language.

2- Spanish has been spoken in Latin America for centuries. Whether you like it or not, that language (in all its shapes and colors, because the same Spanish is not spoken in Mexico as in Argentina as in Peru, etc.) is already part of our culture.

3- You dont like Spanish because its not native? ok then do it in Guarani, Quechua, Aimara, Nahuatl, etc

4- Why you can go speaking a very broken Spanish and get away with it but every time a Spanish speaker, after actually taking the time to learn your language (because it is impossible to communicate with you in any other way), is mocked and mistreated BY YOU for their accent even though they are forming grammatically perfect sentences??? (this goes to the majority of US population)

5- This woman claims to love Latin American culture but posts things like this one:

in conclusion, stop being so hypocritical and learn to look at what happens outside the United States, the rest of the world does not work the same way your country does or how your country thinks it works.

thanks for coming to my ted talk, I needed to get it off my chest.

chau

#primos #disney #oye primos #🤡

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badassturtles235147 · 2 months

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Things I would change in Shredder and Karai's relationship, and Splinter and Karai.

Shredder and Karai

Ok, I'm going to start with Shredder. Frist, people like me, can obviously see that Shredder was being totally abusive towards Karai, in more ways than one and the thing I would change, I would change how we did not get to explore enough of Karai's childhood.

Am I the only one who, after watching the Lone Rat and Cubs episode, was like, "Huh, I wonder what Karai's childhood was like?"

I mean I get it, the turtles were the main characters, so we got to see their origin but, in my opinion, I think seeing Karai's origin, her childhood, would have helped and made up for all the things we don't know about her!

Like how did she become a kunoichi? How did she meet Shinigami? Did she have any other friends besides Shinigami? And we could have seen more of her and Shredder's relationship but nope! No. Karai doesn't get an origin or even an episode of her very own, no, she gets nothing but LeoRai. Barf!

So, yeah, I would defiantly explore more in Karai's life and her relationships in the Foot, mainly, Shredder and Shinigami. Sad as it would be, I would have liked to see, how neglectful, emotionally, mentally, or even physically abusive Shredder was towards Karai. And I would have loved, to see how she and Shinigami became friends, and get a little bit of Shinigami's story as well.

Another thing I would change, is Shredder's obsession over her. Shredder comes off way too obsessive and creepy, and I know you guys think I am crazy but, he honestly does come off as some sort of predator.

The way he says, "She's mine!" Is the same way, how he said Shen was his. It just feels like Karai was Tang Shen's replacement to him. I mean, honestly, I wouldn't put it below him because I truly believe Shredder is that evil and sick, but...no. No. I would have done it like Thanos and Gamora.

He still would not love her, just act like he did. At first, Shredder took Karai and kept her, because he wanted complete revenge of what Hamato Yuuta did to him and he wanted something to remind him of his victory, also a reminder of the woman he (so-called) loved.

In truth, Shredder hated Karai, and hated being around her. He would never speak to her unless absolutely necessary or when he punishes her. Every time he looks at her, he sees the face of the woman he killed, and she would also remind him of her father almost as much as she reminds him of her mother, which would just fill him with so much hate and disguised.

But then, when he saw Karai's potential, saw how useful and deadly she was, Shredder found a new use for her and so, he trained her as his weapon. A weapon he trusted most to get the job done. After that, Karai was almost always by Shredder's side. He still would see Shen or Yoshi in her, and when that happened, he would lash out, violently but he was slowly, shaping Karai into his perfect image and he hoped that soon, he would rid of all traits of Yoshi.

However, Karai was stubborn as her father was and she was fierce as her mother. No matter what Shredder did, Karai never lost herself completely, never gave him too much control over her. She was his perfect weapon, his favorite daughter, but she was never going to allow him to own her and her choices.

Last thing I would change, is that I would have not let Karai get captured by him so much! I am so sick of the whole, damsel in distress! The only one, I would keep is Vengeance is mine because I do like Karai's mutation and I think it's really cool, and different for her character. (Sucks that we didn't get to explore much of her mutation either)

Splinter and Karai

Ok, first thing I would change, is how these two have no relationship at all! Don't you guys want to get to know each other, make up for lost time?! Splinter, since episode two you have been saying how much you miss your daughter and regret what happened the night she died! Karai, you have been wanting your father's love and attention since we've met you, and you now have a father who is ready to give that to you! Like, what was the point of Splinter having a long-lost daughter if they were never ever going to spend any time together or have at least one episode of them, spending time together, like Splinter does with April!

When Karai comes back, saying she wants to rebuild the Foot and yadda yadda, I would want Splinter to one day check on her and then somehow, have Shinigami convince Karai to let him join on a mission.

They do some bonding, maybe a little bickering, and their father-daughter relationship start to grow from there.

I would have also liked it if Splinter got to tell Karai, how he met his mother and maybe a little background of his childhood.

Another thing I would change, is how after Splinter saved Karai from the brainworm, I wouldn't have let her fall. I mean, this man got a pile of steal metal pipes off of him, sending them flying when Shredder hurt Leatherhead and yet, he could not pull up his own daughter from falling down a drain? Give me a break!

No, I would have let Karai be saved and reunited with her family, and instead of going to Japan to get Shinigami, she stays with her family and calls her friend to come to New York because she will need her help for future battles.

Finally, the last thing I would change, is how Splinter does not help Karai through her trauma when she clearly has a lot. He probably just wants her to make the first step and come to him when she is ready, which I understand but I would have loved it, if Splinter helped guide her, like he always guides his sons in the right direction. Maybe telling her of some of the mistakes he made because when he first warned her of revenge, I swear, it sounded like he was speaking from his own experience with it.

#tmnt 2012 #tmnt karai #splinter #tmnt splinter #2012 shredder

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dreamcatcher92 · 3 months

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Coercion Chapter Four

So this is my second smut story that I have been working on. I am hoping you all enjoy!

It is a bit dark. Yes, Billy Russo is of course our main character aside from a girl named Cassidy. Who is completely made up and meant to be played by the reader. The other characters that are mentioned in this story are made up as well and not based on anyone in particular. I did this one differently than my first story, but I wanted to switch up my writing style a bit. So you may see more differences in other stories to come. Things that are bold and italicized are thoughts.

Now for some warnings for the entire story but necessarily in the current chapter you read: dark Billy for sure, non-con, dub-con, kidnapping, NSFW, 18+, smut, sex, rape, attempted rape, physical violence, abusive behavior, language. I think that covers it, but sorry if I missed something.

Read at your own risk.

Days had passed and each day, things seemed to get better and better. Cassidy kept thinking that this was so strange because here she is living with a man that she does not know and who literally bought her from her kidnappers, yet she feels somewhat comfortable around him. Could this be some sort of trick? But what would he be tricking her to do? So many thoughts raced through her head at lightning speed.

She snapped out of her thoughts suddenly because as she sat up in bed, she could smell the scent of bacon in the air. Eggs and toast too? Her mouth started watering and a childhood memory began to flood her brain.

Every morning when she was a little girl, her mother would always have a huge breakfast spread ready for Cassidy and her sister Olivia to devour before starting their day. She had an amazing mother who did everything she could for her girls and a caring older sister that always watched out for her. Even though Olivia was only two years older than Cassidy, she felt like it was her duty to make sure nothing happened to her sister.

Cassidy’s father left when she was three and was never really in her life. He would send cards and letters, but never came around or made the effort to spend time with his daughters. Cassidy didn’t know much about him other than he was an alcoholic, used drugs, and left her mother to be with another woman he met one night at a bar.

All was well until one day when Cassidy was fourteen. Olivia had stayed home from school sick that day, so Cassidy was stuck walking home alone from school. She was listening to her portable CD player, singing along to the songs on Avril Lavigne’s new album.

She was in her own little world, when two police cruisers and an ambulance went rushing by her with sirens blaring. She didn’t think much of it because she didn’t live in the nicest of neighborhoods. Being that her mom had to work two part-time jobs just to make ends meet, she found the safest place she could to raise her daughters alone. However, as years passed and the girls grew, the neighborhood began to get worse and worse.

When she turned the corner onto her street, she saw that the police officers and ambulance were at her house. Mom?! Livvy?! She took off running as fast as she could toward the flashing red and blue lights.

“Woah, woah, woah! You can’t go past the yellow tape hun.” an officer said to her as he grabbed her and held her back.

She fought him hard, “I live here!! Where is my mom?! Where is my sister?! Please! Let go of me!”

“Shit.” the officer looked at her tearfilled eyes and looked around to find someone to help him with her.

“WHAT HAPPENED!” she screamed.

A female officer came sprinting over to help her partner. She spun Cassidy around and gripped her shoulders. She couldn’t help but to tear up when she saw the fear on Cassidy’s face.

“Sweetie, you need to take a breath and calm down just a bit, okay?” she said as calmly as she could.

Cassidy shook her head, “No! Tell me what is going on! Please ma’am! I just want my mom!”

Officer’s ended up taking her down to the police station to get her away from the crime scene. They did not want her to see the gruesome scene that was left behind in the house. Eventually, two women walked into the room where Cassidy sat hugging her knees. One woman was the police officer from earlier and the other was a state social worker with Child Protective Services.

They sat down with Cassidy and explained to her that her father, in an impaired state, broke into the family home that morning just before her mother had left for work. He shot her mother and sister to death and then turned the gun on himself. He left behind a note explaining that all he wanted was for his family to be together again forever, and that he was sorry to Cassidy that she wasn’t there to go with them to Heaven.

“Cass?” Billy said, causing Cassidy to jump and come out of the horrific trance that she was in.

“Billy! I’m s-sorry! I was…I was..”

“Hey, hey. You okay?” he said as he sat down on the side of the bed with her and wrapped an arm around her waist.

She couldn’t look at him, “F-fine. I’m fine. Just thinking of something from when I was little is all.”

He pulled her closer to him and brushed a tear from her cheek, “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

She told him the story and how the smell of breakfast made her remember. She explained to him that it was nothing that he did, and that she would be okay. He smiled after hearing this and hugged her tight.

“How about we go eat before it gets too cold, huh?” he said, still holding her tightly against his chest.

She grinned, “Okay.”

As they ate, she couldn’t help but think that maybe this whole situation would be okay. They finished eating and Billy explained to her that she would need to do chores today. Dishes, laundry, and dusting were on her list today while he worked in his office for a while to get caught up on some things.

Cassidy placed the dishes into a sink full of hot soapy water to let them soak while she loaded the washer with Billy’s clothes. After finishing with the dishes, she checked to see if the washer was finished, but it still had two more cycles to go through. So, she decided to start dusting things in the living room. This was the first time Billy had asked her to do this chore in the almost two weeks that she had been there.

While dusting, she hummed a tune and focused on getting everything spotless for Billy. She was going down the items on the fireplace mantel and was not paying attention like she should have been. After wiping off what looked to her like some sort of small ashtray with writing inside in a language she didn’t know, she sat it back onto the mantel. However, the rag caught on the tiny ashtray and it fell to the ground shattering into shards of glass.

The entire house was completely silent, so when the ashtray crashed to the floor, it echoed throughout the rooms. Cassidy began to shake. What have you done!? She began to shake even more when she looked over to see a very pissed off Billy Russo standing there staring daggers into her.

“B-Billy. I-I…” was all she could mutter.

Billy said nothing as he swiftly walked over to Cassidy and backhanded her across the face causing her to fall hard to the floor. She let out a gasp as she felt the blow and fell. She began to cry and looked up at Billy in complete shock.

In a low devilish voice he said, “Do you have ANY idea what you’ve just done?”

“Please Billy! I didn’t mean to! I swear! It was an accident!” She cried out.

“I got that when I was fighting in Afghanistan.” He said as he pulled her off the floor and to her feet by her hair.

She grabbed his hands that held tightly onto the fistful of her hair and begged, “Please, I’m so sorry! Please don’t hurt me!”

“Did you think just because we had a few good days that you wouldn’t have punishments anymore?!”

“No! I didn’t think that at all! I swear!”

“Clean this up. NOW!” He screamed into her face.

He released his grip on her hair and slapped her once more before beginning to walk away.

He paused at the start of the hallway, “When you’re done cleaning up the glass, come to my office. Understand?”

“Yes, Billy. I understand.” She said in a shaky voice.

Cassidy quickly cleaned up the mess and rushed down the hallway. She came to a grinding halt when she stood just outside Billy’s office door. She was so terrified of what could be coming for her once she walked inside the room.

Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door. She heard Billy tell her to come in. She gently opened the door and stepped inside to see Billy standing beside his desk sipping on his favorite whiskey.

“Come here.” he said as he sat his cup down on his desk.

Cassidy obeyed his order and slowly walked over to him. She gradually lifted her head and looked into his dark eyes. He met her gaze with a scowl.

“Go over to that wall and place your hands flat against it above your head as high as you can reach.” Billy snarled as he gestured with his head where he wanted her to go.

Cassidy sheepishly looked at the wall, “Yes, Billy.”

She went over and placed her palms onto the cold wall. She reached her arms as high as they would go without being on her tiptoes. Tears began to flow down her cheeks as she waited for Billy to give her instructions on what else she needed to do.

He creeped up behind her, placed his hands on her hips, and whispered into her ear, “If you so much as lift a finger off this wall before I tell you to, I’ll cut them off one by one. Got it?”

Cassidy felt a wave of nausea sweep over her and she felt like she was going to pass out from how afraid she was right now. Would he really do that? She had no idea, but she was not about to fuck around to find out.

“Y-Yes Billy.” she whimpered as she frantically nodded her head.

Billy kissed her cheek and went back over to his computer. Cassidy was so uncomfortable and her arms began to go completely numb. She could no longer feel her fingertips after a few minutes. Billy would take breaks and sit back in his office chair. He would sip on his drink and watch Cassidy struggle.

After about thirty minutes, Billy stood up and began to walk over to where she stood. He grabbed Cassidy’s arms and gently lowered them. He turned her around to face him, but she was too afraid to look at him.

“Look at me Cass.” he demanded in a low voice.

She cautiously raised her head and met eyes with Billy. Tears flowed down her cheeks, but she didn’t dare break eye contact.

Billy grabbed her chin with force, “That’s just a taste of the kind of discipline that you’ll have. That was just mild compared to what could happen if you act up or disobey me. Do you understand me?”

With her bottom lip quivering, Cassidy answered, “Y-yes Billy, I-I understand.”

“Good. In a few weeks, we’re going to be going into the city for a work party. I want to trust you, so you’re going to have to be a good girl for me and show me that I can trust you around people and going out in public. Think you can do that?” He asked while loosening his grip on her jaw.

“Yes! I can be a good girl Billy, I promise!” She said enthusiastically.

Cassidy wanted to prove to Billy that he could take her places. She wanted the calmness to come back into the house. She was going to do whatever it took so that Billy would trust her and that things could smooth back out.

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bluie-c · 11 months

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What is going on with Amanda and who is Mascara?

Trigger Warning for Self Harm, Eating Disorders, CSA, Rape, and Grooming

If you aren't on twitter you probably don't know who Mascara is, but this is insanely important.

Just last month, a 13 year old came out onto twitter accusing Amanda of grooming her. And pushing Mascara to self harm and eating disorders over the same of 1 year. She shared as much information and screenshots as she could over a 40 page google doc. Sadly the document was taken down by Amanda and her "friends" by falsely reporting it. But thankfully someone saved a copy and it can be seen here. I do want to stress that the document shows self harm and other graphic images, so please make sure you are in the right state of mind before reading it!

Mascara and the other victims who have come forward have also stated that Amanda lied about being groomed by Dream.

Do I believe her? Yes, Amanda never came out with the evidence of grooming happening, even though getting the data from Snapchat should be easy. And I refuse to believe that a grown woman who rapes, grooms, and pushes children under 13 to self harm and eating disorders could be groomed by a minecraft youtuber in the span of 2 weeks.

I will believe the victim who came out with the evidence then the one who bragged about it on tiktok comments, begged Keemstar to cover it only to then switch up and denounce him when he does, and pretend to be her boyfriend on another account.

Amanda's actions due to Mascara gathering courage to speak out against her have been nothing less than monstrous. Amanda has created burner accounts to attack and silence Mascara and her other victims. Even partaking in twitter ed circles as she does.

^One of her burner accounts. Thankfully has been suspended.

^And this was her other burner account. Notice here she's trying to devalue Mascara and deny it happening, while also intimidating her.

Amanda then went on to send Mascara dms to intimidate her into silence. And has even tried to get into Mascara's head that nobody would care about what she went through.

And here's further proof of Amanda's sick harassment. Yes, she sent this to Mascara over discord, showing she doesn't care about what she put this poor child through. Reminder that Amanda is over 18 and Mascara is 13.

Thankfully her attempts to silence her victims have not worked. Mascara is as of right now working on a new document to bring light to what happened to her. She has posted on twitter the first page which can be read here. Again mind the trigger warnings. Also there are talks of the police and their ever regarded uselessness in here.

Why am I posting this? To bring attention to the monster that is Amanda and the true grooming victim of the whole situation, Mascara.

If you are on twitter right now people are trying to use the hashtags #justiceformascara and #supportmascara. Please if you could go through it and retweet every kind message you can see to help spread Mascara's story. Don't bother if you see any trolls or antis on there, just block them. They never cared about victims anyways.

And please just reblog this and help spread Mascara's story on tumblr. Amanda cannot get away with this.

And finally, please don't do this!

Don't go to Amanda's accounts and tell her all of this. I thought it was common knowledge but telling an abuser what their victim is doing is only bringing harm to the victims and people trying to help them. Ignore and report Amanda if she tries to do anything.

If you reblog this, thank you. And let's make sure Mascara gets her justice and happy ending.

#tw// grooming #tw//rape #tw // ed #tw//csa #tw//self harm #justice for mascara #support mascara

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occasionallyoil · 16 days

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OKAY CHAT. SOOOOO I MAY HAVE MADE SOMETHING THAT I AM SO INCREDIBLELY INVESTED IN AND IM HERE TO SPREAD THIS STORY TO YOU GUYS!!!

So it starts in 1922. Yvette Mongeau is a maid for the Boubois family. A very wealthy family in the hierarchy of France. Yvette, being a woman in one of the only acceptable jobs for women in the 1920’s, didn’t make much money and was quite poor. She found herself staying many nights at the home of the Boubois family and sleeping from couch to couch.

One night, Yvette meets Laurie, a stunning actor in a corrupt film production. Laurie and Yvette fall in love and commit to a desperate attempt at keeping their relationship secret. But all fails and they are found out. Laurie is imprisoned by state and Yvette is let off with a warning. (They basically said that she’s too important to the Boubois family and kept her alive.) And just barely a month later, Laurie is executed. In her own rage and devastation, she begins to search for a way to bring her back from the dead. Eventually, she finds the spider. A large god-like entity that specializes in it’s favors and prizes. Yvette makes her communications with the spider and it responds, telling her the offer of her lover for her own soul. Yvette agrees and what she knows to be herself, is no longer that. Her once peachy, beige skin turns pale and white. Her brown hair becoming black and her once even slightly colorful self, turned monochromatic. She lost most in the process. Her feeling and emotions were slowly becoming next to nothing. Her limbs felt light, she was always tired but she had no need to sleep, her stomach was empty, she felt hungry, she’s always hungry, but she didn’t need to eat.

The spider was happy, her lover slowly came back, rising from her grave and coming back to Yvette’s graces. But Yvette… she lost everything. She wasn’t even alive anymore, but it was all worth it for Laurie. She kept herself running and she kept herself up and moving for Laurie, she kept herself alive, if that’s what you can really call it, she kept herself going, all for Laurie. But soon, Laurie got sick. Laurie was in horrid condition so Yvette tried to make more offers but she had nothing more to offer. The spider is hungry, that’s what it told her. So she tried killing and feeding it small animals, nothing. Bigger animals, nothing. So she went to her last resort. She murdered her boss in cold blood. She shot him square in the head and watched him die. But the spider didn’t want it. (Needy ah spider)

She was out of luck, she didn’t know what to do anymore. But the Boubois family had a son. Nickel Boubois (yes I’m naming him nickel) who had passed only two days ago after he choked on food (rest in piece lil bro) where the family felt sorrow, Yvette saw an opportunity. She basically went to the morgue, took the kid, and fed him as food for this big ass spider. Yvette finally got her offer finalized. The spider recovered Laurie and they could be happy. Yvette and Laurie began to make plans to run away together, find foreign land and be happy together. But for some reason, Yvette couldn’t leave. The shrine of the spider was in their town and she couldn’t leave it. Yvette had to continue it’s Legacy. Laurie refused to stay and they couldn’t be in two places at once. So Laurie left. And Yvette stayed.

Yvette lived to serve the spider. It was her life now, possessed by the one thing that made her own lover leave her. She gave up on the one person that she even called this thing for. And now she’s stuck to it... (The shrine of the spider does on occasion move locations, but you can’t pick where it goes, you just wake up there.) And in 1942, Yvette was hunted down by government officials, and she was executed. Yvette’s legacy was now part of the spider. Every few decades, a new spawn of Yvette will be born. The father completely unknown, the mother will simply fall pregnant. The child’s destiny is to carry on the legacy of the spider for their whole life, until they die, or are food.

(After this there’s a few years that carry this on, 1950’s is some dancer, 1970’s Is just a housewife who hates it all, 1990’s is Ashlyn Maree, who was raised in the cult. And finally, 2000’s, Cambion Last, who has a demonic parent. I just don’t wanna write it all at the moment so I might add more to this later.)

#writing #story writing #oc #oc lore #lore #tw spiders #independent writer

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medea10 · 7 months

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My Review of My Happy Marriage

How did I get into this anime? So, I noticed this anime’s promotional poster and wondered to myself if this was going to be like Taisho Maiden Fairy Tale. That is the weirdest reason for watching an anime I’ve ever given and I sometimes pick animes just because of who sings the opening theme. Actually, I wasn’t that far off with my idiotic question.

Miyo Saimori is someone who was brought up under some unfortunate circumstances. Miyo’s mother died when she was really young. Her father ends up remarrying another woman and having another child with that woman soon after. Miyo was kinda shoved into the background and become subservient to the family as she was seen as useless. Apparently, everyone in the family has supernatural abilities except for Miyo. That’s why they see her as someone with no merit and useless. Her step-mother and half-sister are cruel to her. Her father says nothing. All Miyo does is lower her head and obey them.

Oh my God, what kind of Cinderella, Princess Sara, Taisho Maiden Fairy Tale shit did I pick up here? This first episode is just cruel. Treating Miyo like a slave is one thing, but erasing every happy thing from her life including what her dead mother left her is just sick.

There is one person who has been kind to Miyo for all of these years and that’s a family friend, Kouji. He’s the only one to ever make her smile. Unfortunately, things change and not for the better. Miyo’s father announced that Kouji was to be betrothed to Miyo’s half-sister Kaya. This of course broke Miyo’s heart despite her expecting something like this was going to happen. Now, there was more to the announcement. Miyo was also to be married off. They’re sending her away to be married to the lord of the Kudou clan. And just to be bigger dicks than you would imagine, they’re sending Miyo to be married off to someone who has a reputation for being a jerk.

If this story takes place around the same time as Taisho Maiden Fairy Tale, could the story do us a big favor and just have this whole family die in the Great Kanto Earthquake? I know it’s a terrible thing to wish upon anyone, let alone a fictional family. I was just really annoyed by everyone in Miyo’s family that it made me say what I just said.

Despite the rumors about this young lord and all of the marriage proposals that have lapsed due to his attitude. This man, Kiyoka Kudou is actually kind-hearted. And Miyo just deserves the best. She deserves a nice life!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: Welcome to a very new experience here. As you all know, this is a Netflix exclusive anime. But unlike many animes they’ve licensed in the past, this one was put out on the same day as released in Japan with an English dub. That is almost unheard of on Netflix. Recently, Netflix has been releasing anime alongside the Japanese schedule like when Blue Period came out. Some had a small, couple-week delay like Komi-san. Others are released all at once like Aggretsuko and The Way of the Househusband. And then there are those animes that people wait an eternity to see, but Netflix finds a way to delay it by weeks or even months.

The U.S. waited 11 months for that Steven Stone vs. Ash Ketchum match. That’s a disgustingly long wait, Netflix. Not even 4Kids was that cruel! THIS DOES NOT HELP WITH PIRACY YOU PEOPLE KEEP SCREAMING ABOUT! I will never be over that one.

So, I’m watching the dub. I gotta give praise to the cast here. This is my first time hearing either Miranda Parkin or Damien Haas. I am impressed by their performance and wish them nothing but the best in the future. It wasn’t all newbies in the cast. I saw a few memorable names like Lizzie Freeman, Mela Lee, and even a few Pokemon voice actors like Erica Schroeder and Mike Pollock. This kind of stuff makes me giddy. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Miyo is played by Reina Ueda (known for Mallow on Pokemon SM, Kisa on Fruits Basket 2019, Kanao on Demon Slayer, Gray on Lord El-Melloi, Jiro on Tokyo Ghoul, and Elianna on Bibliophile Princess)

*Kiyoka is played by Kaito Ishikawa (known for Kiawe on Pokemon SM, Naofumi on Shield Hero, Genos on One Punch Man, Iida on My Hero Academia, Kageyama on Haikyuu, Sakuta on Bunny Girl Senpai, and Urie on Tokyo Ghoul :re)

ENGLISH CAST: *Miyo is played by Miranda Parkin

*Kiyoka is played by Damien Haas

DISLIKED CHARACTERS: I think you know what I’m about to do here.

Miyo’s entire family (minus birth mother) are horrible people. And if this series is set during the Great Kanto Earthquake, I hope they all die. I know I said that before and it’s a horrible thing to say, but I’m at that point where I’m saying ‘fuck it’. The step-mother and half-sister are that usual kind of awful that one would expect in a Cinderella type of story like this. But Miyo’s father, her actual biological, blood father had the audacity to say in the third episode that he doesn’t care about his own kid and whether she’s still alive or not after sending her to the Kudou home. Just because she can’t see spiritual beings like the rest of the family?! I think I hate you the most.

This hatred was just the beginning.

Give Taishou Maiden Fairy Tale some credit as I didn’t have to see Tamahiko’s rotten family in every episode. The first six episodes were full of horrible scenes featuring Miyo’s father, step-mother and step-sister being horrible creatures. Whether through nightmares Miyo continues to have or them plotting and scheming, they continue to exist. The pinnacle of their disgusting behavior came when Kaya got jealous of her sister being happy for once in her life. So, Kaya and her step-mother had Miyo kidnapped off the street, tied her up in a shed, and beat her until Miyo caves into their selfish demands.

By this point, I’m thinking if this is just overkill in the evil department. Like, if you two are looking for the worst characters in anime for the year of 2023, you’d win that category. Even the guy that stabbed Ai Hoshino is in no competition compared to these bitches. But I feel like their evility was much too much.

Thankfully, after episode 7 we don’t see much of these wretched people. Kiyoka torched everything in his way and pretty much destroyed Miyo’s father, step-mother, and sister Kaya’s livelihood. I even think Kaya’s engagement to Kouji was broken off as she’s sent away to fuck if I know. I’ll take any kind of karma that can be bestowed upon these cum-buckets.

SHIPPING: Arranged marriages. Perfect matches or doomed from the start? Let’s see how this works out.

In the first episode, I was worried that this poor girl is going to continue getting abused. By the second episode, I twinged with this after watching Kiyoka put up the defiance just eating the food Miyo made. But that soon disapated with some optimism when Kiyoka took Miyo out on the town and gave her a present that could be mistaken for a marriage proposal. And by the end of episode 4, I was cheering for this. Especially when Kiyoka went to Miyo’s parents and demanded them to apologize to Miyo.

Unfortunately, other forces are working for selfish reasons. Apparently, Miyo’s father had originally promised Miyo to another family. Despite not having any spiritual powers, she still carries her mother’s blood and she could potentially pass on something to her children in the future. And this other family is Kouji’s family. Kouji is of course still on Miyo’s side and was pissed that his father did nothing to aid in Miyo’s torment. Just for good measure, let’s add Miyo’s cunt sister Kaya to this mix. She’s willing to throw away her fiancé Kouji and steal Kiyoka just because she can’t stand her sister being happy.

As I mentioned before, we don’t see much of Kaya and the rest of the family after episode 7. Same goes for Kouji. You would think that’d be the end of the interruptions and this ship can set sail. You know as well as I do that isn’t in the cards. We’ve got Miyo’s meddling cousin Atara to deal with.

ENDING: Everybody wants Miyo! It’s clear that Kiyoka loves Miyo and just wants her to be happy. But then you’ve got these interlopers who want Miyo only because she has an almost extinct bloodline (Usuba) running through her veins. Pretty much the same reason Koji’s father wanted Miyo. Two of those people are Miyo’s grandfather and this guy named Arata that happens to be her blood cousin.

That’s nice. Where the fuck were these two bros when Miyo was getting abused by the Saimori family? Follow up question! Where the fuck were these two bros when Miyo was getting the Kunta Kente treatment just a couple of episodes prior?!

For people so worried about the fate of the Usuba bloodline, you didn’t seem too concerned about Miyo until this very moment when she might have a slim chance of having some special power. As it turns out, Miyo just might. The following problems to this are; it’s ravaging her in her sleep, and her full power might have been sealed off by Miyo’s deceased mother. For this very reason, these two family members insist Miyo stay at their premises. Kiyoka was not going to give up his fiancé to these people whom he still has severe distrust over and ends up in a duel with this Arata dude. This was essentially, bringing a sword to a gunfight. Unless your name is Himura Kenshin, you are probably not going to win in a gunfight with a sword. I know Kiyoka is pretty tough, but…no. Knife to gun fight!

There’s a lot on Kiyoka’s plate at the moment. There have been going-ons with a supernatural called “the grotesques” and one wrong move could result in many lives lost. But this whole thing with his fiancé is something that has him worried all over the place. I guess Kiyoka’s demeanor changed quite a bit since we first saw him in his debut. During the big battle against the grotesques, he wound up seriously injured.

Meanwhile, Miyo learned from her grandfather about the Usuba family and her mother Sumi. Turns out that when Sumi was younger, she decided to help the dwindling Usuba family with their family troubles by marrying one of the families willing to give financial support. That just happened to be the Saimori family. The father was not happy by that decision and it unfortunately caused a rift between the two. Soon after marriage, Sumi gave birth to Miyo and realized her potential already. Sumi (who already had a weak constitution to begin with) managed to seal Miyo’s supernatural powers to prevent her father and the other Saimoris to abuse it. And then she died! Okay, I’m easing up on hating on the grandfather. Miyo’s cousin is still on the sus-watch as he continuously kept Miyo away from Kiyoka. Even when Kiyoka is injured, Atara tried to keep them apart. Thankfully, Grandpa realized that if he did this, he would lose Miyo the same way he lost Sumi. Miyo was able to be by her beloved’s side.

Kiyoka was in a deep coma due to a horrific injury. After a few weeks with the Usuba family, Miyo was able to regain what was sealed away from her after so long. Miyo has a special ability to go into dreams. She went inside Kiyoka’s dreams. After battling around with her inner insecurities, she managed to protect her fiancé and he was able to recover. This power was also able to vanquish the grotesques that invaded too. No one can tear apart these two. Not the Saimoris. Not the evil governor that wanted all the power for himself. Not Atara. No one! And we end with a happy ending where Miyo goes to a fancy party and puts her new education from her sister-in-law to good use.

Yes, love me some happy endings. Miyo deserves it! And best of all, we’re getting a season two to this. Guys, end it here. I know I can’t resist seeing what happens next. But after everything Miyo has been through, I can’t stand the fact that more tragedy could befall her. I also don’t want to see the Saimori’s again. I don’t care if karma came in like a firestorm to these people, I never want to see them again.

I’ll be honest, I was unaware about this story being about people who have supernatural abilities until episode 1 or 2. When I learned that, I thought that was just sloppily tacked on. That was until all this grotesquery nonsense and Kiyoka’s work came into play. I dropped my thoughts on the matter then. Despite every horrible thing happening to Miyo is playing right on my screen, I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see if this girl ever gets her “happy marriage” like what it says in the title. And at least if there’s a season two, we might see the actual wedding. I mean, they aren’t married yet.

But aside from that, if you want to watch a supernatural/romance anime, you might want to consider watching this anime. Just be warned that the first half of the anime could aggravate you with how they treat one of the characters.

Every episode is streaming on Netflix.

#anime review #my happy marriage #miyo saimori #kaya saimori #kiyoka kudou #watashi no shiawase na kekkon #shinichi saimori #kanoko saimori #arata usuba #yumi usuba #kouji tatsuishi

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bidisasterevankinard · 10 months

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Sorry, I'm gonna go off here since you agree with my tags, I'm an Abby hater, and I've been an Abby hater since the first time I watched season one (granted I did watch s1 in a haze in one weekend so everything happened back to back for me) because like, for starters, if a male dispatcher in his 40s used his position to get the number of the cute 26 yo female firefighter he saw on the news, no one would let that fly as a love story and that's makes me irrationally angry because they keep putting Buck through shit and never dealing with it because he's a man, but I digress, Abby abuses her position on dispatch to get his number, actively pursues him to make herself feel better, and I get it, she's in a shit situation, but Buck is a human with his own set of feeling that need to be validated here too, but she never does. She tells him not to sleep with other people before they're even dating, she doesn't believe him with the whole catfish thing, they get into a fight because of it and she just ups and leaves for a different continent with no warning, no nothing. And she leaves him leaving at her place and she decides she's not coming back and her reaction is to stop talking to him? She forces Buck to remove himself from the situation she dragged him into because she doesn't have the guts to break up with him and when she comes back all he gets is flimsy excuses, she never apologizes about the way that she left, stopped talking to him, and came back with a whole fiance, she keeps making it all about herself and her feelings as if Buck wasn't in the relationship as well. And she makes Buck promise he's gonna save her fiance and Buck puts himself in danger to do it. She makes me so angry because Buck is Abby's love interest, not the other way around, so the relationship is all about her, but since Buck is the one who stays, we keep seeing him trying to pick up the pieces when she ghosts him and that shit makes me want to start a fight so bad.

Anna, I'M SO AGREE WITH EVERY WORD WITH 1000000000%. I watched 911 1-4 in a wek before 5s, and when I was watching all 1s I was constantly feel sick with the way they treat Buck like it's ok to make him feel like trash to make Abby feel good. All their relationship from the start looked like old enough woman needed to have fun time and used young man for it. She always treated him like shit, but "oh poor Abby was going through a lot and it's Buck should change himself for her". SHE SHOULD TREAT HIM BETTER TOO. He's her partner, not a toy, but she never did ANYTHING FOR HIM. Not believes him when he was begging her, not even normally end things. HE FOUND OUT SHE IS IN USA, BUT LIVES WITH HER BROTHER FROM CARLA!!!!!!! Like she could at least send a message, but no, just ghost him is better. She is awful. 911 tried to constantly made her look best woman in 1s, but they only made me hate her. I was, am and will be Abby hater

#A*by is the worst li Buck had #yes worse than Taylor #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #911 #anna tag

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cordycepsfem · 10 months

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Pageboy Readthrough, Part Nine

Previously

your reviewer digresses into why this book isn't good (beyond the absolute drowning sadness and every single human who failed EP from start to finish)

I am not on the New York Times bestseller list (or am I? you don't know)

EP plays a horrifically abused young woman in a film and it affects her deeply, leading to furthering her eating disorder

we learned about a handful of things that weigh approximately 84 pounds

EP auditions for Juno and gets the part

she becomes sexually involved with Olivia Thirlby

EP loves working on Juno and is happy

Now

Chapter Eleven

EP tells us that she didn't vomit from the age of eleven until the age of twenty-eight

this suitably impresses me, because as a medically interesting individual I have a lot of experience with nausea and vomiting

EP then goes on to tell us that just because she didn't vomit doesn't mean she didn't get sick in other ways

this does not impress me and is gross

EP writes this very insightful passage about gender dysphoria that I actually agree with

the part I blacked out was where she said she kept repeating "I want to be a ten-year-old boy" every time dysphoria swept over her, because I do not agree with that and find it extremely telling and sad

EP segues bizarrely from vomit to diarrhea to... soccer?... and then back to fights with her step-mother and her awful father

and then to a story about going to a cabin and I am once again whiplashed into the corner - didn't this start off with vomiting at the age of 28?

anyway, Canadian stuff:

well, really just beaver stuff, but it happened in Canada so I'm still right:

I want with everything in me to make several beaver jokes but I am a) very tired and b) confused and excited by the comparison of a beaver to the Babadook, so please make your own beaver jokes and meet me in the next dotted point whenever you're ready

EP's father and step-mother continue to be the worst; they call her "Skid Mark"

her father tells her they're just joking around and once again I would like someone to consider the difference between someone joking with you and someone joking about you

once again I would like to offer my own, better, nicer parents to EP

I have extolled my father's many virtues but my mother is also fantastic

EP then shoves us into a passage about Rollerblading

and I have to say that I would also vomit from this much whiplash

the Rollerblading passage takes a wild turn into a Rollerblading accident where EP tears something in her vagina

she is worried for years that something is wrong with her vagina

EP starts thinking about it again when she's dating a boy who she attempts to have sex with; she doesn't like it, so she assumes it's a physical thing rather than a "you're gay" thing

and once again your reviewer is like "Didn't we start out a party on the first page of this chapter where you were vomiting at the age of twenty-eight on the Fourth of July? I am now lost in the hinterlands sending up a flare for aid"

so EP goes to a gynecologist

the gynecologist tells her there is nothing wrong with her vagina

and also that she liked EP's performance in Hard Candy

and we NEVER GO BACK TO THE VOMITING THING

AT ALL

Jesus Christ, EP, what is this writing style because I both hate it and am impressed by it every.single.time

Chapter Twelve

EP is glad that Oscars season is almost over and she is glad

she wants to quit acting

she can't bear wearing "feminine" clothing or going out for super feminine roles

when asked why she can't just do her job as an actor and wear a costume:

as a fellow head-beater and self-injurer, I get it, EP

best to get out of a job that doesn't make you happy and isn't fulfilling your needs

it took me seven years but I eventually did it

I am still unsure why she couldn't figure out how to tell people she just wanted to wear pants

but as someone who took thirteen years to tell her mother she wanted long hair and to stop wearing dresses, maybe I am less unsure and just more of a very specific type of asshole

anyway

EP gets the role in Whip It, the film that convinced me I wanted to try roller derby

she actually learns to play roller derby, which is so cool

(it is the best of sports)

the woman EP was dating previously, Paula, moves out to LA to be her "assistant"

EP starts to get recognized more as Juno and this is hard on her relationship with her "assistant"

there is an amusing bit about how Paula's parents somehow had no idea EP was gay or that their daughter was gay

also EP is upset that "cis" people get lauded for playing trans and "queer" parts

there's a lovely bit here about roller derby:

I joined a roller derby team because I had no friends

the skating part didn't matter, I just wanted friends

(and sure, maybe to be cool like EP, who I had a major crush on)

but I got a whole lot of friends out of the thing and that was very definitely a "pocket of joy" in my life

and yes, there can be a lot of "intertwined queerness" but the majority of my team is still straight (I love them anyway)

I am going to be able to see them all for the first time in 5 months and I am so excited to see my crazy weird skating family

it is a sport that embraces female power

it makes me feel like my body is powerful

and as someone living with dysphoria and body dysmorphia that's huge

anyway

EP loves roller derby and she loves building a roller derby family with her castmates

they go to Michigan to film

fun fact: Michigan has the most roller derby teams than any other state in the US

second fun fact: I used to live there

third fun fact: I know a guy who played an extra in Whip It but I didn't learn that until after we met and that wasn't the reason why we met

fourth fun fact: I miss Michigan a lot

EP and Kristen Wiig make up a musical together that sounds absolutely hysterical

EP realizes stuff is absolutely fucked and goes to therapy

EP, light of my life for whom I would fight all kinds of Canadian step-mothers and shitty fathers, what in the nine heavens is a queer walk?

I mean I can guess the connotation but EP you are a lesbian and a human and speaking as both we all walk differently

so this is some sort of weird stereotype that I really don't care for

and on that note I must adjourn before I fall asleep here at the computer

#radblr #radical feminism #terfs do touch #ellie's ep posting #pageboy readthrough #terfblr

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endlessbittersweetdreams · 1 year

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"Broken & Beautiful" Chapter 6

It’s been nearly a week since my heart was broken in the basement of 22W. Broken? No. More like shattered and run through a figurative blender set on puree. I don’t know how long I spent crying on that floor, but I finally managed to pull myself up and make my way home. There was a part of me, as hurt as I was, that kept listening for the sound of Jake’s footsteps behind me. Walking home with him has become such a regular thing that I miss it, even though I know it was all part of a scheme to get me into bed.

I wonder how long he was planning it. Did it all begin the night he showed up at my apartment with my medication? Or maybe it started before then, and my vulnerability had been the open door he needed to weasel his way into my life and break down my defenses. Whatever the case, he’s made a fool out of me. I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t give in. As hurt as I am now, I know that I would be leveled if I had spent the night with him and found out that I meant nothing to him.

As you can imagine, this week has been especially hard for me. I called in sick the day after, feigning food poisoning. I spent most of the day in bed, wrapped up in a blanket and listening to music. Every now and then I’d scroll through my text messages. There were a few from my friends. Even Tess reached out to me, wondering how I was feeling and if she could bring me something. But I didn’t receive a single text or phone message from the one person I wished would reach out to me. The wounds that Jake has inflicted are still open and painful, but even now I still hope that he’ll give me any indication that he regrets what happened; that he didn’t mean any of it. I long for an apology that I know will never come.

On day two, I grew tired of wallowing in sorrow and I decided to be angry instead. With the exception of anything work-related, I’ve done my best to shut Jake out. Not that he tries to make conversation with me. Either he simply isn’t interested in doing so, or he’s realized that I am going to shut him down completely. I avoid going to Home Bar with the group if he’s included because it’s hard enough working with him. I’ve even contemplated asking for a transfer to the barbecue place. But I’ve decided not to, because I love this job too much and I won’t give him the satisfaction of pushing me out of this place. And besides, I’m resilient. I’ve been through far worse and I can still hold my head up high.

It’s late Friday morning, and I’m sitting on a bench in Central Park. The sun is shining and people are milling about as I sip my vanilla caramel blended coffee. I’m reading The Lord of the Rings this time, having decided that the love story in Pride & Predjudice isn’t suitable for my mood right now. I’m in the middle of reading the Hobbits’ journey through the Shire when a familiar voice captures my attention.

“Well, hello there.”

I look up from my book and find Simone smiling down at me, looking as poised and elegant as ever. I’m a bit startled, to be honest. Simone and I have worked together for two years, and she barely even acknowledges me. There have been times when I wonder if she even knows that I exist. I give her a small smile in return. “Hi.”

She gestures to the cup I’m holding in my hand. “I see you have a weakness for blended coffees, too.”

Wait. Is she actually trying to make conversation with me?

“Yeah. My coffee maker broke down, and I felt like treating myself.” I take a sip, trying to hide my nervousness. This woman intimidates me, and I’m pretty sure she knows it.

“Do you mind if I sit down?”

I stop sipping on my coffee and then bookmark the page that I’m on. “Please do.”

She takes the seat next to me and then leans her head back, closes her eyes and breathes deeply. “Doesn’t that sun feel wonderful?”

“It does.” Another sip of coffee. Another glance at anything and anyone other than Simone. What does she want?

“I’m glad I ran into you. I’ve been meaning to ask: how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. The food poisoning didn’t last that long. And if you’re talking about my little incident, I’m better.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” A brief pause, and then: “But that’s not what I’m talking about.”

I know what she’s alluding to, and I fight the urge to squirm in my seat or run away. “I don’t know what you mean.” Please go away! Please go away!

Her voice is gentle, and I pick up no hint of patronization. “I’m talking about you and Jake.”

“What about us?”

She pauses, as though she’s choosing her words carefully. And then she says, quietly “I know about the other night.”

Gulp. “What other night?”

“I know he hurt you.”

Now I’m feeling defensive. “What? Were you there? Were you listening in?”

“No.”

I blink a few times when I realize what she’s getting at. “He told you?”

“Yes. He didn’t give me the details, but ...”

I know Jake and Simone are close, but I never even considered the possibility that he’d talk to her about this. Why would he? It’s not something that he’d brag about. And why on Earth would Simone tell me this? I seriously doubt that she’d betray his trust like this.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because he regrets it. I can tell. I’ve known him for so long, I can read him like an open book.”

My heart softens a little. But I’m not ready to let it go just yet. He hurt me. Badly. I’m about ready to tell her that Jake can take a flying leap, but her words stop me in my tracks.

“I also want to ... explain something to you.”

“Go on.” Why am I still sitting here, listening to all of this? Am I a glutton for punishment?

And then, she drops a bomb on me.

“There is something you need to know about Jake. He can be extremely guarded, as you well know.” I nod in agreement. “But what you don’t know is ... he is also ... damaged. There are things that you don’t know. Things only he can tell you. But he’s so badly damaged, and he’s so guarded, that he tends to ... push people away.” She gives me a sympathetic look. “People he cares about. People who get too close.”

“Why would he do that, though?” None of this makes sense.

“Because he doesn’t want to hurt them. He doesn’t want to hurt you.”

I scoff and shake my head. And now, I‘m pissed. “So what you’re telling me is: Jake actually cares for me and he doesn’t want me to get hurt later on. And so, he might as well hurt me now. Is that what you’re telling me? That he’s ... what? Trying to protect me?” She remains surprisingly calm as I suddenly stand up and look down at her. “I don’t know why you told me all of this, or why you even came here. But tell Jake that I don’t need him to protect me. And if he regrets what he said, then he can man up and tell me himself.”

I don’t give her a chance to respond before I walk away from her. There are too many thoughts and too many emotions brewing inside of me, and I need to find a quiet place to think.

I’m in the middle of cutting up lemons when I think about my conversation with Simone. Again. No matter how hard I fight it, my mind keeps going back to what she said and the questions the conversation has brought. Does Jake actually care about me? Is he really just trying to protect me? Am I misjudging him, or have I been right this entire time? I wish Simone had never dropped this bombshell on me, because now I’m confused.

I take another lemon out of the bowl and cut into it when I see Jake in my peripheral. He sets a cutting board down on the bar and begins to cut up some limes, and I can feel the tension rise up in me again. He’s the last person I want to be near. Yet here he is, standing next to me. The audacity! I think about merely gathering everything up and moving away from him, but decide against it and try to pretend that he simply isn’t there. Just as long as he stays outside of my personal bubble, I should be fine.

I’m about to cut into my sixth lemon when he speaks to me. It’s just one word, but it’s enough to increase the level of my annoyance.

“Hey.”

I don’t respond, jaw clenching as I slice up the yellow fruit. Does he honestly think we can go back to business as usual, after the way he spoke to me? Who does he think he is? I’m not in the mood to talk to him, and I make my point by increasing the amount of space between us. There’s a brief moment when I think he’s got the message. But then he’s near me again, and his voice has an almost soothing quality to it when he speaks again.

“I’m sorry.”

I don’t even pause long enough to look at him. “I’m sorry.” Is that all he has to offer? Some lame, generic, two-worded phrase that he thinks he can pass off as an apology? A simple “I’m sorry,” isn’t going to cut it. Not when he made me feel cheap and worthless. He hasn’t even acknowledged how deeply he’s wounded me.

There’s another moment of silence, and now I can tell that he’s bent down a bit so he can look me in the eyes if I give him the chance. “What I said was stupid and cruel, and I didn’t mean any of it. Forgive me?”

I remain quiet. Though I won’t deny that these are the words that bring my boiling blood down to a simmer. I’ve spent nearly a week hoping that he’d say these things to me. As moved as I am by the apology, I still want to know why. If he didn’t mean what he said, why did he say it? Is Simone right? Was he just trying to protect me in his own very damaged way? Or is this part of a game, too? I don’t know what to believe anymore and --

“Shit!”

I allowed myself to become distracted for the briefest of moments, and now I’m paying for it with a cut on my index finger. I don’t think it’s deep, but it hurts. I drop the knife onto the bartop and immediately apply pressure to the wound with a clean bar mop, and Jake is at my side in an instant. Neither of us knows how badly I’m injured, and so he instructs me to keep pressure on the wound and elevate my hand. I do as I’m told and allow Jake to pull me by the hem of my apron as he barks at Will to clean up the area and finish the lemon cutting.

Jake leads me to a room near the kitchen that has a small sink, two chairs and a First Aid kit. Once I’m seated, Jake grabs the First Aid kit and wets down a cloth with water and a little soap. He sits across from me on the other chair, pulls on a pair of gloves from the kit, and says “Give me your hand.” I obey without hesitation and watch as he very gently cleans the area and then inspects the wound. “Doesn’t look like it’s deep enough for stitches.” He carefully applies a bit of antibiotic ointment and then covers the wound with a bandage.

Even though Jake’s task is done, he is still holding my hand in both of his. The rational part of my mind is telling me to pull my hand away. But the irrational part - the one that wants him, even now - enjoys the feeling. He looks at me with those piercing blue eyes of his, and I melt.

“I meant what I said, Lilah,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

I stare at him, studying his face. I can’t find a trace of insincerity. Only the pleading look of a man who knows he’s hurt me. “I know,” I answer, and then I choose my words carefully. “But it’s not enough, Jake. I want an explanation.”

“Lilah, I --”

“Is everything okay in here?”

Jake and I turn to look at Will, who’s standing in the doorway. His eyes fall to our hands, and we immediately pull away like we’re two naughty children who’ve just been caught. While Jake tosses the gloves into the garbage and puts the antibiotic back in the First Aid kit, I tell Will that “Everything’s fine,” and then brush past him.

Will lingers in the doorway for a few seconds, watching Jake suspiciously, and then follows me back to the bar area. I step behind the bar and go back to work, not the least bit surprised when he asks me “Is there something between you and Jake?”

I look over at him, seeing the concern in his eyes. Like everyone else in this restaurant, Will is perfectly aware of the reputation Jake has. I know he’s just looking out for me. But to be honest, I’m not ready to answer his question. I just give him a look - one that tells him I don’t want to talk about it - and he leaves without another word.

@anastacia-lynn

@mypsychoticlove

#jake x oc sweetbitter #jake sweetbitter #sweetbitter jake #sweetbitterstarz #tom sturridge sweetbitter #tom sturridge

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abbatoirablaze · 2 years

Text

Sentimental Me, Chapter 11

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: spousal abuse, violence, slapping/punching, jealousy, stalking.

Lee felt his blood boil at the mere name.

Bobby.

Robert Michael Briscoe.

Her husband.

As she took a step back, he grabbed her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, "ain't nothing gonna happen to you on my watch, okay kiddo?"

She nodded and followed Lee as he led her further into the house. When they got to the dining room, Lee could see his wife sitting down with another woman.

Jane.

And beside her is a man.

His dark eyes caught the couple just inside the kitchen, and he lit up. He was about six feet tall, the same as Lee, but he looked like he'd stepped out of a catalogue. Pointed jaw line that was boxy. Muscles that he'd had when he was in his teens could have rivalled this mans, but now that he was in his 30s, Lee was sure that most women would have chosen Bobby's muscles over his own soft body.

But not her...Not his girl.

"Babydoll," the man smiled. He stood up and looked at Dotty. His smile faded as he noticed her hand holding onto Lees. He saw the man's jaw clench, "and who the hell is this? You whorin’ around on me with some countr-“

"That's my husband Lee," Flo nodded, cutting Bobby off before he could finish his accusation. She smiled at her husband, and Dotty dropped his hand, realizing that maybe the way she'd walked into the room wasn't correct for two married people who's spouse wasn't the hand they were holding, "momma, you remember Lee, right?"

"It's mother, Florence," she said in a pointed tone, "Dorothy. We've been worried sick about you. You haven’t the idea the amount of trouble we’ve endured looking for you!"

"I'm sorry," she replied apologetically. Lee watched the interaction between his wife and mother-in-law before giving his attention back to the man in question, "Lee. This Bobby."

"Robert," her mother corrected. She turned so that she was facing the scene, "well isn't this cute? Dorothy, you came to visit your sister...well, the fun is over. Come here."

Dot shook her head, clinging to Lee's sleeve. Lee puffed out his chest a bit, proud that his girl wanted to stay by his side, but both Robert and Jane frowned.

"I don't want to go back, momma. I-I want to stay here with Flo and Lee.”

"Dorothy, sweetheart," the man cooed, holding his hands out to her. She shrank away from him, clutching onto Lee’s arm, "what are you talking about? Of course you do. Don't you miss our beautiful estate outside of town? I worked on the nursery while you were away."

Florence watched as a look of pain crossed her little sister's features at the mention of her pregnancy, "there is no baby, Bobby."

"What are you talking about?" he laughed, shaking off the statement, "of course there is. We just saw the doctor two weeks ago. Your head is everywhere since you’ve fallen pregnant…silly wife, how could you not remember?"

"She lost it," Lee said simply, "you beat it out of her, you son of a bitch."

"Listen," the man laughed, disregarding Lee’s accusation, "I don't know what stories she's been cooking up, but I didn't beat my wife. Granted, I’m stern with her, as every husband should be with such a wild woman as her, but I don’t beat her. I'm concerned for her. Hired a PI to come track her down. Does that seem like the kind of guy that would beat on a pregnant woman?"

"Does if he's desperate."

The two men eyed one another down.

"I'm not leaving here without my wife."

"And as the sheriff, I'm gonna have to insist that you do," Lee shrugged, "when Dotty came to us, I told her that she didn't have to do nothing she didn't want to. Now she's made it clear to Flo and I that she don't wanna go back to Manhattan. So, we ain't gonna make her."

"My wife's name is Dorothy," the man said with a simple smile, "and Dorothy is clearly unstable. I’ve let her go freely long enough. Dorothy, babydoll, get your stuff. We are going home and you are getting help. Come on, now."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Then neither am I."

"You see," Lee smirked, "that's where you're wrong. You're on private property. My private property. And we ain't in Manhattan, city boy. I'm the law here. So, you're gonna get the hell out of my house, and leave this girl alone, because we already filed a report against you for abuse. And if you don't go, I'mma have to add harassment to that."

"You've got to be kidding me."

Lee looked at the man, and the two of them glared at one another.

"Dorothy. Come here. Now."

"She ain't no trained dog," Lee said, shaking his head, "she's a woman. You treat your momma or sisters the way you treat her?"

"I don't think I like the way your husband is acting, Florence."

"Well, I believe my husband has asked him to leave politely, mother," she said with a wicked grin. When her mother didn't respond she dropped a coffee cup to the ground, breaking it, "oh sweetie, I think Mr. Briscoe here is trying to go for aggravated assault and destruction of private property."

Her mother stood up abruptly and slapped her across the face, "you ungrateful little bitch."

"See, I really wish you hadn't a done that," Lee said with a firm sigh. He pulled the cuffs off his belt and held them out, "Jane Smith you are under arrest for aggravated assault against my wife, Florence Bodecker."

"This is outrageous," the man growled as Lee walked up and cuffed his mother-in-law. He pushed past Lee and went to grab his own wife, "Dorothy, come. We’re going to go home, now!"

"I don't want to leave." she repeated, pushing herself against the counter in the kitchen. He grabbed her by the arm and started to drag her towards the door. When she fought against it, he turned and backhanded her.

"DAMMIT DOROTHY!" he yelled. He grabbed her arm and ripped her off the ground. Her momentum kept her forward as she slammed into the wall, a heavy thud coming from the entryway. Lee ran after them just in time to see him cowering over her form, "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MAKE ME DO, HUH! A GOOD WIFE WOULDN’T BE ACTIN’ UP LIKE THIS!"

Lee pulled his gun and aimed it at the man, "I'm gonna tell you one time, and one time only, step away from Dotty, Mr. Briscoe."

Bobby looked up at Lee, and away from his wife, "you gonna arrest me, sheriff."

"You want to press charges, Dot?"

"Yes," she whimpered, "j-just make him go…please, Lee…p-please!"

"Yep," Lee nodded to the guy. Bobby looked at the sheriff then to his wife, before taking a step back, "Robert Briscoe you're being arrested for the aggravated assault of your wife, Dorothy Briscoe, as well as intimidation, and spousal abuse."

"Doesn't matter," he spat as Lee threw the cuffs on him, "little town like this. I can make it disappear. Good lawyers will take care of it."

They had gone back down to the hospital after Lee turned over Jane and Bobby to the officers at the station. Amongst her collection of bruises from the first time, there was already a deep purple handprint around her wrist, and she had begun to get some bruises on her back from when he'd shoved her into the wall, and a very large bruise forming on her cheek from when he’d backhanded her.

She didn't let go of Lee the whole time. She had clung to Florence when Lee first arrested Jane and Bobby, sobbing into her sister’s dress, but when Florence said she wanted to stay with Deputy Adam at the station, she transferred her sister to Lee’s awaiting arms.

And while he should have separated himself from the events that occurred, he just couldn't. He had to be there for her. He had to protect her. She looked at him with those big doe eyes, and he just couldn't let her go.

When the town had gotten word about what happened to Dotty, they immediately closed in on her, being supportive as one might expect. Whether they did it out of loyalty to the Bodecker family, or because she'd met and befriended quite a few of them in the week that she'd been staying with them, the women were quick to drop by and offer her a shoulder to lean on, and the men quickly offered to go beat her husband's skull in.

And in those few days, Lee felt a new pride rise in his chest for the community he'd lived in. After a day, Bobby had managed to get in front of a judge, and his lawyer argued that she was an unstable woman who ran away from the marriage because she's young and immature.

Even the judge was disgusted by the pictures and two hospital admissions which included the doctor's testimony about how she'd had numerous existing injuries that had healed.

He let Bobby out but told the man to go back to New York. But the hard-headed asshole wouldn't. Lee noticed the black car at the end of the street the first day he was out. He drove right back to the house, and took Dot by the hand, making sure he dropped her off at work, personally.

When he got a call from Herb a few hours later that Bobby was sitting at the counter, drinking nothing but coffee all day, he stopped down personally. As he made his way into the diner Barbie rushed him to the back before he could so much as say a word to Briscoe.

Dotty had been making herself scarce, and was in the changing room. As soon as the door opened and she saw Lee, she rushed him, burying her face in his chest, clinging to him like he was the only person in the world she truly trusted. He wrapped her up in his arms, and rubbed her back, "I got you, peaches. It's okay."

"I'm afraid to even be out there, Lee…h-he showed up and I swear, I was shaking so hard…I dropped an order for a table and Barbie told me to just stay back here til you came," she whispered against him. She held onto him for all that she was worth, "what if he does something? What if he makes me go back? I-I can't go back, Lee."

"He won't do nothing to you," he said, kissing the top of her head, "I'm gonna go out there, and get some lunch. And I'm gonna sit here til the end of your shift, okay? I’m gonna be right there, and if he so much as thinks of trying anything, I’m throwing his ass in jail, alright? You trust me, don’t you, peaches?"

She nodded, ponytail bouncing as she showed that she understood. As she moved a few steps back, he wiped her cheeks with his thumbs, erasing the tear stains, "t-thank you Lee."

He pulled her in for one more reassuring hug, and then he turned on his heel. Barbie was giving him a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry I had Herbie call you. She just became a mess when that man came in. Wouldn't tell me who he was or nothing…poor thing was shaking like a leaf and looking like she saw a ghost."

"That's her rat bastard of a husband."

Barbie's eyes looked to the door, and shot back to him, "him? Wadn't he s'posed to be locked up?"

Lee nodded, "Yeah. Judge told him to go back to New York. Gonna have a nice little chat with him while I have lunch."

"Should I call the station for you sheriff?"

"It's fine Barbie. I can take care of it."

Lee walked out to the diner and sat a few stools down from Bobby. After Lee glared at him for a minute, Bobby gave him his attention, "can I help you out, sheriff?"

"Just making sure the peace is kept," he said simply, "weren't you 'posed to be headed back to New York."

"Just came to talk to my wife."

"You want to add more to your harassment and intimidation charges, son?"

He sipped on his coffee as he stared the sheriff down, "you fucking my wife, sheriff?"

"No. That’s my wife’s kid sister…and in these parts we look after our kin," Lee said flatly, "just saving her from getting sucked back in by you."

Dotty came walking through the door and both men's eyes went to her. Feeling like Lee was a security blanket she walked right up to him, "what can I get for ya sheriff?"

"Burger and fries," he smiled. He frowned when he noticed how much she truly was shaking, "and a pepsi if you don't mind."

"You got it."

She went to the window and put the order in then grabbed him his Pepsi. Knowing Lee was there, she felt like no matter what she'd be okay, and her nerves finally started to calm. She set the glass in front of him and made her way down the counter to where her husband was.

"Dorothy."

"More coffee sir?" she asked, ignoring him. His jaw clenched and he nodded. Lee smiled, taking a large drink from his glass as she began walking down the line, refilling the patron's coffee.

"Hey peaches?"

She turned back to Lee, and he felt his heart in his throat.

"Yes sheriff?"

"A slice of pie too if you don't mind. An’ can I have it before my lunch comes out?"

She nodded, going to the display and getting him a slice of pie. Setting it down before him, she sent him a wink, "it's on the house."

And damn if he didn't love the way she winked at him.

Bobby pulled the same routine for a few days, before Lee finally took him into the station again, citing that he was harassing Dotty.

A few hours later, and his lawyer had shown up, angrier than a cat that'd been given a bath. They pulled Dotty to the station, and had it drawn up that if she agreed to drop the charges, he'd sign for a divorce. While that was enough for her, Lee reminded her that a divorce wouldn't be enough to keep Bobby away.

And that was how she walked away with not the promise of one, but two documents. She would get her divorce, but she would also get a restraining order. And if Bobby came by again, he'd immediately be arrested, and tried in Knockemstiff for all charges that he was previously going to be held for, as well as violation of a restraining order.

Chapter 12

Tag list: @krissy25, @lohnes16, @terrormonster55, @potato-with-hair, @infatuatedjanes

#sentimental me #soft lee bodecker #lee bodecker #devil all the time #the devil all the time #sheriff lee bodecker

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talkprettytome · 1 hour

Text

Is this real life—

How can someone be so cold and so fucking egotistical, self absorbed, lack human decency and emotions, watch someone suffer and inflict more pain pain daily, play like a victim, ignore everything said to them, believe the lies they tell themselves, think something isn’t true if it’s not what they want, be so much in their own world they have no awareness or if they do, no care, or the affects their behavior/actions cause. NO child is raised to do that! So how does that happen?? I used to think he’s sick— I’d let so much slide because I gave the excuse that it’s not him like this, it couldn’t be; it has to be because of an underlying issue. The lying, the cheating, the manipulating was all because he must be HURT himself… I allowed myself to be the punching bag in cause teaching him that he’s allowed to treat me however he wants & I’ll always be there— but when I would try to leave I’d get mentally tortured and threatened in ways that if I do I’d hate myself more than I did at the moment or lose the little will I had left to keep going….. I got lied to, then made to be left completely alone and with nothing but he still held on— he still fake carried as I held him telling me all I wanted to hear or playing victim.

My eyes didn’t open until I was so deep into shit thet it was impossible to get out of. So what do I do? I stay.. because now I’m completely broken and a shell of whom I once was. The real me was LONG gone and I know she’ll never return; but I think the damage that’s been done will make it so the evolved woman will never be able to come to light either. You’re left stuck. Stuck in the shit that you can call out every move, expect nothing more but still getting hurt and losing more and more of yourself that you barely have left holding on.. because you lost everything already, he’s now all you have left of the old you. He’s all you deserve because who would want someone so damaged and scared.. the amount of time it would take to heal and build it all back would be too late for anything you need done.!

So everyday goes by and you hate yourself more, you lose even more shards of who the fuck you are. You wake up multiple times in the night crying hysterically, you have nightmares screaming at you to leave and free yourself, you go to sleep crying to yourself… laying next to the person you once believed you’d have a whole life and family with, who told you that, who you begged to tell you of it’s not what he wants and you’d of respected it no problem, who you had nothing to really offer but still decided to continue taking from you til you’re absolutely empty and even still continue until what; until he took my life too. He grew stronger as time passed & got better at playing victim too; he got everyone around us to believe I am the villain in his story.. and the ones who saw through the bullshit got sick of telling me I’m making a mistake and abandoned me. But I was screaming crying for help THE WHOLE TIME. Just a damaged little girl, desperate to love & be loved, have a REAL family and a REAL home, nourish bc that’s in her nature. She was different; there was no one else quite like her. Eyes like a moonlit night, soul as deep as the ocean.. She's an old soul with young eyes, a vintage heart, and a beautiful mind. She wears her heart on her sleeve and only ever asked anyone she was with for HONESTY and AFFECTION. She’d let you be whoever you were; she loved your heaven and hell inside of you. Never judged. Embraced it all. Found beauty in it all; used her light to heal it all.

But what happens when the girl who took the darkness from everyone she ever came in contact with never learned how to release said darknesses.. they fester inside her, weigh her down, consume of her, and hold her down gasping for air. But she kept taking it because that’s what she knew. She searched for ways to release it, she asked for help— but she was always told “you got through (blank) you can get through this” or “if anyone can get through this, it’s you” or “you’re so strong, you can handle it”. But she in fact couldn’t handle it. Days, weeks, months, years went by & she took it all on her own while slowly losing every piece of herself.. her home, her friends, her family, her interests, her spirit, her SOUL. She was a shell. She slowly was becoming the person she always helped— when the abused becomes enough abused they embody it themself. She cried at every reflection of herself. Gasping for air every breath; but held on because of that ONE PIECE of herself she lost to the monster she loved because that’s what a mother does. Some mothers tell their children they never wanted them and are the reason they’re so unhappy— telling them to go onto the tracks behind their home and doing it right this time since once walking in on a failed attempt. Some mothers take the baby of an innocent girl who did nothing but give her ALL to their child and take on the problem she neglected to use yours as a second chance to right her wrongs she made. Some mothers don’t deserve their children but are able to be there their whole childhood until they’re old enough to learn the truth and the walk away. Some mothers get the chance to do it right and have the right environment and support to have the beautiful experience it’s meant to be & their children do the same when it’s their time. There’s different paths for everyone— but what do you do when you’re on a path you’ve never been meant to be on.. one where you were dealt hand after hand of shitty cards and played them the best you could but just could never recover?

Now you’re scared and alone and lost.. everything you feared became your reality & you no longer recognize yourself. You no longer have the will or strength to keep going.. you want to give up so badly but you can’t— one because you cannot leave your piece behind even though you now believe even though deep inside you dont; it’s better off without you and can be better in the end & because you’re a failure at that too after attempting it before and being unsuccessful. You beat yourself up more and more. You know right from wrong but either way you’re the one who suffers. Who can you turn to? How can you begin to climb out of the hole that everyone left but somehow theres still dirt being thrown onto you as the hole gets deeper to climb out of?

How did it get to this?! You’ve never regretted ANY misfortune or mistake in your life thus far because everything happens for a reason— it shaped you into who you are. But now you regret so many times you could have prevented this from happening.. you hate yourself more for not doing something sooner.. you question everything! Maybe you aren’t the light worker or earth Angel you once believed you were. The story you told yourself that this lifetime wasn’t meant for your happiness you were out here to help others heal and to teach them their lesson.. it was the only way to make you feel better about the bad shit that keeps happening to you dispute your effort and accomplishments. Maybe you are the narcissist.. maybe you are that monster, that villain, that “crazy girl” everyone claimed you were when they looked bad or felt bad for their doings to you. They could sleep so well at night because maybe it’s because of you.. but it just doesn’t make sense. There has to be one person who sees you for who you are.. but where can you find them.. can they help you? You just need that ONE person to grab your hand and guide you out.. you can be a fucking phoenix in the end of this all. They rise from their own ashes…… but you just can’t seem to fucking click that switch inside and do it. You’re no longer living, you’re no longer surviving, you’re just wasting away on the abyss of this nightmare you don’t understand how or why you’re in.. you always tried to manifest the happily ever after. You’ve always put others before yourself. You just kept swimming…… but now can you rise from your ashes?! I hope you do.. but I just don’t know how you can when you keep allowing this to continue. Because you’re scared— so fucking scared.. because the world around you made you this way and now you became your worst nightmare. But is it possible? Will it take too long for you to recover? We do recover don’t we?

You just battle yourself every second of every passing day, questioning others and how it got this way— more time passes making you hate yourself even more. When will you rise?

Please, rise.. that only piece of you thats worth recovering needs you. Give her that story.. she won’t hate you when she’s old enough to process the full story.. maybe she’ll love you more. You’ll be left with misses all those moments, precious years taken from you because others couldn’t see the red flags and bright lights of truth— but maybe it can still be a happy ending.. but it can’t if you give up.. dig deep!!! Make your plan.. and fucking try; one last time try! Your eyes are opening, you’re seeing things you didn’t before. Your mind is so beautiful and your heart has always been so pure— you know who you are even if you can’t see it at the moment. Take the first step; it’s just ONE step at a time! Trust your angels.. it’s not fair; it makes no sense why this is happening but one day it will. Don’t give up.. please, don’t give up yet.

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drawnecromancy · 5 months

Note

4 and 8 for the video game asks?

4. Top favourite characters from videogames.

Oh, boy ! Let's go with a top 3 ?

Miraak from Skyrim. My beloved. My poor little meow meow. My favorite horrible person. i KNOW he's not super well written i KNOW this DLC is kind of a mess i KNOW he has like ONE MONOLOGUE but I love him. I wrote fanfic about him. He helped me realize I deserved way better than my shitty ex. Comfort character.

Issun from Okami. THE funniest motherfucker. He's so supremely unfunny that he loops back around to being hilarious. I love him. Worst jokes. Okay he is also incredibly annoying in an endearing way, I think ? And he's, uh, a pervert so there's that but he is my little guy who's done nothing wrong ever and who KEEPS getting SWALLOWED BY A WOLF (he is tiny).

Yota from Loop Hero. I'm in love with her. I thought she was a teenage boy for 90% of the game. I can't remember if I learned she was a woman by browsing the wiki or by her dialog making it clear like Right after killing the end boss. She's not the only person whose gender i very much did NOT manage to tell. [hello Hero and Priestess]. I would LIVE for this woman that's how far I'm willing to go.

Honorable mention : Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3. I haven't played enough of the game to DEFINITELY point to him as a favorite yet, but he seems like he was MADE IN A LAB to APPEAL TO ME, SPECIFICALLY. there's a 50% chance he's going to get in the top 3 after i'm done dissecting him.

8. What is the game with the best story you've encountered so far?

OKAMI. OKAMI OKAMI IT'S SUCH A GOOD GAME AND SUCH A WELL CRAFTED STORY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I SHOULD REPLAY IT I BOUGHT IT ON STEAM SPECIFICALLY TO REPLAY IT (hi you have activated the Okami sleeper agent. I have been in love with this game since I was, like, 14. Except I was the ONLY person who knew wtf this was and my friends got sick of hearing about it real fast.)

I promise it's not just rose-tinted glasses and nostalgia here, it's genuinely well written, when replaying I caught some foreshadowing that I hadn't seen on the first playthrough, even when the characters can get annoying I think they're all SO endearing, there's literally no one I genuinely hate in there. Amaterasu (nicknamed Ama in the french version, I think she's nicknamed Ammy in english ?) HAS personality as a character who 1. is a wolf 2. does not speak 3. is played by you and she's DELIGHTFUL. Doing things mindlessly, straight up swallowing her companion Issu when she's annoyed by his constant talking, bark bark bark (ok no that one's me as a player. but you CAN bark at people for FUN).

Ok I am veering off-course this was about the story but like. The way it unfolds - keep in mind i was pretty young back then - is that I thought, at first, that one of the Big Bosses of the game was like, the end, and was sad that I didn't manage to find every single Celestial Brush technique (...basically spells) - and i was SO happy to realize it meant there was MORE GAME. and More things to explore and do and more story ! The tiny events of the beginning spark a chain that go so far. Please play Okami it's so good. I don't want to spoil it it's SO good. There's character development, secrets, so much cool shit. I love it.

#there's a funny ass kerfluffle about Amaterasu's gender in french also idk if english did it as well #but at the beginning there's talk of a legend with a wolf named Shiranui and they refer to that one with he/him pronouns #okami spoilers #incoming #OK THE SPOILER IS : that's literally Amaterasu 100 years ago. but Shiranui is CONSISTENTLY referred to with he/him #and Ama in the present as she/her #the sun goddess is transgender and there's nothing you can do about it #ask games #asks #hehehoho !#thanks for the ask :D #i had lots to say it seems!!

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hestiasroom · 8 months

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it really is soooooooooooooooo like my dad to interrupt my otherwise peaceful Saturday to come around begging for $9,000 fucking dollars because he hasn't paid the mortgage in months, and somehow that's now my problem. but don't worry. if i don't have the money, he'll just beg my younger sister for it instead. that's totally not a guilt trip. why doesn't he ask his wife, you may ask? well, it's simple really. he's already drained her 401k so there's simply nothing left. that well ran dry.

It's almost like that's what happens when you quit your job with nothing lined up in December, and then spend the next 9 months fucking around in commission-only "jobs" that don't fucking pay because of course they fucking don't, continuing to try to make the thing work that hasn't been working for him for the last 8 years instead of humbling himself and getting a 9-5 job like every other normal human. you would think he would have realized back when he filed for bankruptcy in 2017 that his money management was off, but why fucking learn when there will always be a woman around to pick up the pieces of his mess? like, he literally quit another "job" at the end of August with absolutely no notice to my mom or anyone else because fuck it, that's why.

and now he fed me some sob story about how he's going to have to sue his former employer (with who's fucking money? does he also expect us to put up a retainer for him?) because they supposedly owe him 14k. I call bullshit. He doesn't stay at a job long enough to earn 1400 let alone 14k.

literally behind every broke or financially struggling woman is a man who is sucking her dry. i feel bad for my mom but also angry that she puts up with this and also allows him to come running to us when really this is an issue that should stay within their marriage.

bottom line i'm not handing over 9k just cuz he asked. i feel terribly that he's just going to pawn the issue off on my sister, but the ONLY thing I'm willing to do at this point is put up a PORTION of it, but only if my mom and sister also put up some cash. i'm so fucking sick of these secretive cash handouts that he is ALWAYS circling between the 3 of us for. if you know what i mean, then you KNOW how it is with people like that. they'll find a few "sources" and just circling between them. sometimes they'll even rob peter to pay paul.

i used to feel sorry for him but now i simply don't. he's in his damn 60s and has had time to realize that his "jobs" aren't working for him (i think he likes the "freedom" of getting to be at home when he isn't on sales calls, but he obviously isn't good enough as a salesman to make any kind of regular income, so he therefore does not deserve to keep chugging away at this failed dream when he has other responsibilities that he must meet, including his fucking mortgage). he has had time to redirect, get a normal fucking 9-5 that pays an hourly wage, so that he can be a reliable financial partner to his wife, but he's just too fucking selfish/lazy/clueless to do that. so i don't feel bad anymore.

god i am just so fucking mad about this. i can't even focus on my book anymore. there's just no consideration for ANYONE else. just give me the fucking money. he also NEVER pays me back ever. I'm so embarrassed sometimes to admit just how much my parents have held me back financially, and how much I allowed it to go on for.

#shoutout to those of you who have ridiculously financially irresponsible parents #my dad literally quits jobs out of the blue ALL OF THE TIME #he never even TELLS his wife aka my mom he just does it and expects her to put up with it #it's such complete bullshit

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