I can't keep being fundamentally changed as a person by animated movies, it's just not sustainable.

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

A different day, the legend returns.

Fuck you, it's Sunday everyone.

recently i reread a bunch of my favorite sherlock holmes stories (norw my beloved) and felt compelled to create my own diagram for 221B

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polymer broadcast signal hijack

at this point I'm not going to finish this, but I need everyone to know that I don't CARE that it was Kamejim, this scene has been replaying itself in my brain for the past week --

I'd often wondered why Terry Pratchett decided to name Moist von Lipwig... that. Then yesterday during lunch I was telling someone about Discworld and they asked what some my favorite books were and I made the mistake of starting my answer with "Well, I love the Moist books", and for a few seconds they gave me this look of utter bewilderment that wordlessly said "what the actual FUCK are you doing to your books", and in that moment I just knew why Pratchett decided to name him Moist von Lipwig

Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

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open for better quality | no reposts

i'm sorry i'm so sorry i know i'm just a "delusional lokius shipper" but loki nervously fixing up his hair and jacket, making himself look good, before approaching timeline mobius??? that was a real thing that happened? and he didn't bother doing it for anyone else lmaooo??? staring at mobius for-fucking-ever as he realises controlling where he wants to be is about who he wants to be with, rather than where, what or why??? and we have another visit to the time theatre coming up where they're both crying?? i'm doing great, guys. fantastic, even. 🤡

early days on earth c

I… do not understand tumblr live. Like, are there actually only about 50 people streaming across the whole platform at any one time? And why are so many of them just… people smoking? Or unoccupied desks? And why is nobody talking about frogs?

DHMIS doodle pages that I managed to cut and paste together and color! I personally like them a lot haha.

2nd doodle page is sorta inspired by @mariaisshiki ‘s piggyback trio drawings.

 B/c it reminded me of the time I tried to carry my baby cousin on my back and I am SO short that even though I got her body off the ground,both her feet were still firmly on the floor. That memory was so horrific I had to project it onto the smallest one.

Watch it man you got a kid on board

i think what is really attractive to me about astarion’s character is that he balances his feminine/masculine traits so well.

like he can be pretty feminine with how he expresses himself (flamboyant, vain, showy) but he’s intrinsically masculine in a lot of aspects (his desires to pursue, protect, provide) and that was sooo surprising to me because usually it’s very black or white with that kind of thing— you typically get characters that are wholly masculine/feminine (or very heavily leaning on one side), not a mix of both (especially not in a man).

it just makes him feel much more alive and not so one-dimensional. it’s really a disservice to try to force him into a box by depicting him as only one or the other. let him be a silly little peacock man in peace