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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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lunarmoontea · 2 months

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How long can Vox and Alastor stay in the same room together?

Answer: Not long.

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milfpopplio · 3 months

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the real reason kieran doesnt have a phone is because all you would see in your notifs during the start of the epilogue is

#arven sending you that sweet sweet inheritance money #(who am i kidding they probably gave him one dollar and some pocket lint)#i spent way too long on this #jealous arven is so cute i need to drench him in milk and throw him at a wall like a webkinz plush #i got halfway through this meme before remembering FUCK KIERAN DOESNT HAVE A PHONE #pokemon #pokemon sv #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon arven #pokemon kieran #kieran pokemon #arven pokemon #mochi mayhem #pokemon sv epilogue

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coffeecatcraze · 2 months

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I would just like to say how hard it hits me in the chest to see Charlie masking every time she's onscreen the day before the fight (including what we see on Vox's spy screens of course), except when no one is with her but Vaggie. Even during her emotional speech she tries so damn hard to keep that confidence up and smile on. But we do see her stop masking twice, when the only person watching her is Vaggie.

First:

No one's really paying attention to her, and she's not smiling; she's worried. When Vaggie approaches her, she doesn't put on a happy face. She talks about her mom with the same smile as in the first episode (during a very emotionally vulnerable moment with Vaggie, might I add). It's not happy or confident. It's nostalgic, wistful, and sad, because her mom's absence is something very personal and painful for her. When Vaggie asks if they're ready, Charlie doesn't instantly start to smile or answer with confidence even though she usually would (even within that short beat of time), because her mask is off. She's not confident or optimistic. She's scared. She's not ready.

Then Pentious comes out and she's all smiles again! The mask comes back on when someone other than Vaggie is there.

Second:

Of course, one of our favorite scenes. Charlie's alone when she breaks down, but when Vaggie shows up, she keeps the mask off. She admits how scared she is. When she does smile, it's not the big smile she's been throwing on throughout the day, and it's not strained either. It's soft, gentle, and real. She's not masking. Vaggie is genuinely making her feel better when she's finally letting herself fall apart, just by being there and reminding her that no matter what happens, she's already accomplished so much, and she's so loved.

Charlie is under a lot of stress and pressure. She's scared. She's not as optimistic as she's making herself out to be. She's giving everything she's got out there being a strong, confident, inspirational leader and friend in front of everyone, and it's only with Vaggie that she lets it go. She doesn't have to try to be strong. She doesn't pretend. She lets down her guard, because for her, Vaggie is that one infinitely special person who gets to see every part of her; the one person she can always be her honest self with.

There were plenty of times in other episodes when Charlie didn't mask her negative emotions around people, but that was when she didn't have anyone looking to her as a leader. She's running on adrenaline and the weight of people's expectations as Extermination Day gets closer, and she can't let the mask she's put on slip in public. She has to seem like she's totally ready for what's coming. But Vaggie is different.

The amount of trust and love Charlie has for her is staggering. She's under an insane amount of stress and pressure, and having Vaggie by her side is probably the only thing keeping her from completely falling to pieces. Seeing a relationship so full of deep trust and love is absolutely beautiful. <3

#hazbin hotel #chaggie #charlie morningstar #vaggie #no i am not saying her usual attitude is always a mask #just that when you're known to be a certain kind of person it becomes an automatic mask sometimes #and from these two moments and the situation as a whole it looks like that's what was happening here #she's probably spent the last month trying increasingly hard to keep up a face of confidence and fearlessness #except with the one person who's by her side and not following her #they are PARTNERS and that word means so much

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anastacialy · 2 months

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tracked down this clip just because of this post! have jokes from skizz and scar

#i spent way longer than id like to admit doing these captions. autocaptions was completely busted so i did em manually #please let me know if i missed / should change anything!#i am a person who needs captions trying to make captions for others lmfao. are the colors ok? too subtle? i wanted them legible still but #anyways sdkjhg here have this #txtly described #(bc i made the captions)#though i will probably also add a video descrip later just. not rn sorry guys #also blease if you can find the post LINK ME i have been searching the tag for ages #hermitcraft #skizzleman #goodtimeswithscar #grian #edit: thank you to the person who linked the post!! :D #second edit: yall ive been trying to swap the video out for the corrected one and it wont swap help

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askinsufferableprick · 8 months

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is this thing working?

oh shit it is this is officially happening lets fuckin go

ok so uh welcome ladies, gents n such to the offical ask blog for the world renowned creator of SBHJ and various other cool blogs i know yall got a billion questions such as whos that super cool dude on camera there's no way that's the one and only dave strider himself i knew he was a epic dude but this is way beyond anything i could have imagined how does such a famous and busy guy got the time for yet another dope as hell blog or like hey doesnt putting your name and face up online go against like basic internet safety protocol all valid questions guess you gotta go throw some asks in that empty as fuck ask box if you want any of the answers

#dave strider #homestuck #homestuck ask blog #hs #homestuck fanart #ask blog #dave strider ask blog #ask dave strider #askinsufferableprick #((my partner and one of my besties r horrible ppl who decided that instead of discouraging me from making this they did the opposite so #now here we are.......#been ages since i had an ask blog so well see how this goes #are ask blogs even still a thing??? do ppl still like these?? anyway #gonna try my hand at pretending to be dave well see how it goes lol #and its gonna be dave from all over the timeline btw not just pre sburb but thought itd be fitting to start there #as i am rereading the comic and am early in act 1 #also please go check the actual blog instead of the basic little mobile looking thing #i spent way to much effort on that thing for it to never be seen #ok thats all for now lol))

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hella1975 · 4 months

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watched saltburn and really fucking liked it actually. day 5937 of realising people on tiktok are just cowards

#‘IT’S SO WEIRD’ do you think that was like. an accident. do you not think it’s supposed to be weird and unsettling and a little ridiculous #and the way it’s FILMED godddd the scenes were all so well shot #I’ll admit I spent the first hour not impressed at all bc I thought it was a really stale class take #like the moment I saw they were oxford students my face was just 😐😐😐#AND THEN I was kinda getting into it but thought they were gonna make the only working class kid the villain so I was still 😐😐😐#BUT THEN. BUT. THEN #I need to rewatch with full context so I can appreciate it properly #watching edits of it on tiktok like im gonna skip all the coquette vids romanticising the lifestyle but my GOD have some people popped off #w the creepy/obsessive audios. the people who get it truly get it #him in the maze with the antlers. real as fuck #just for people to be like ‘am i the only one who couldn’t finish it 😰’ SORRY YOU HATE FREAKISH MEDIA #saltburn

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hedgehog-moss · 1 year

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Just some animal friends hanging out on a balmy May afternoon :)

#crawling along #(am counting myself among the animal friends)#and no of course not pampe hasn't spent the past two weeks in the other part of her pasture like she was supposed to #i Will make that follow-up post to let you know who won the poll but it's going to be a long one as she escaped in like 7 different ways #sometimes 2 different ways at once? an investigation is still underway as to how she got out last time #and i WILL reinforce the fence and put her back. where i want her to be #for the eighth time. don't think i won't

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karuuhnia · 10 months

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Link needs years of therapy after upgrading his gear to lvl 4...

#botw #totk #breath of the wild #tears of the kingdom #((This is a shitpost #but please don’t tell me I’m the only one who is incredibly freaked out by the great fairies in botw/totk #I hate how they outright sexually assault Link and it’s played for laughs.#Imagine if the gender roles were reversed - there would be an outcry!#Am I too sensitive about this subject? Nobody else I’ve talked to seems to be bothered by this lol #anyway enjoy this shitpost I've spent way too much time on lol))

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months

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Names revealed and returned. (context)

[First] Prev <--> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #red vs green saga #ouyang zizhen #jin ling #lan sizhui #lan jingyi #Nameless red disciple #*Tin can crumpling sounds*#[The Nameless Red Disciple] has forfeited their name. Ouyang Zizhen is green now.#Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll! Everyone campaigned very hard! I am glad to see the final result was rather close B'*)#Nameless red disciple is sticking around still but to a lesser extent. They need to go on a gender quest now #I hope most people saw the red vs green poll. Or else this is even more wild and wacky than intended #This comic changed so many times and I'm still not sure it's as funny as I hoped it would be...oh well.#Jin Ling may one day need to go on his own gender quest but thats many years in the future #for now JL is so out of the loop on everything. He is aware gay people exist and thats it #I was looking back at old comics and noticed that LSZ and LJY were frequently standing drawn very small in the bg reacting to things #so heres a little throwback to that era B*)#This fills in for the part where the juniors fight the living corpse hoard. So there's at least a sliver of canon timeline going on #We're getting so close to the end of season 1! In retrospect I have spent too much time on this arc *even with* cutting out several comics #it's all a learning process!

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jessaerys · 9 months

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"But I finished [Near and Mello] together as a set, and although they aren’t particularly laid out as such, I still feel a bit like they’re twins." —Obata Takeshi

whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same:

i. low sky, mahmoud darwish. ii. the world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire, ritika jyala. iii. kadan, 2008. iv. the dreamers, gilbert adair. v. @nathanielorion vi. nagiko, 2016. vii. elektra, sophokles (tr. anne carson). viii. wishbone, richard siken. ix. inbred, ethel cain. x. the boy who, tirol. xi. monster portraits, del samatar and sofia samatar. xii. in the field, @nathanielorion xiii. death note, "use" ch77. xiv. gut symmetries, jeanette winterson. xv. mystic union; fire and wine: poems, john gould fletcher. xvi. @inukai_0055, twitter. xvii. the carnivorous lamb, agustín gómez-arcos. xviii. my sister, the serial killer, oyinkan braithwaite. xix. the beatrice letters, lemony snicket (text); a quiet visitor, holly warburton (art); @unpardonablesins (edit). xx. ada, vladimir nabokov. xxi. this is how you lose the time war, amal el-mohtar. xxii. the borgias, s3e10, showtime. xxiii. @antaarf xxiv. @vilicity xxv. @boymiffy

#death note #comparatives #web weaving #meronia #near dn #mello dn #mihael keehl #nate river #wammy's house #the amount of time i spent thinking about this one and carefully curating it like a bonzai gardener is ridiculous #but i really really like how it turned out i think a lot about the webweave as a single streamlined piece of art not just a collage #anyway hi. tumblr user brothercrush posting about how near and mello are twins in spirit. who could have forseen this #[holds you by the shoulders looks deeply into your eyes] they are SO in love they are SO two parts of the same thing #[shakes you until you get shaken baby syndrome] I AM NORMAL ABOUT THEM <- lying #brothercrush.txt #mellonear

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kookoofufu · 5 months

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