#i am not immune even a little. i just rotate thoughts in my mind and maybe talk to andro
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everyone who likes comics is mad at everyone else who likes comics all the time
#i am not immune even a little. i just rotate thoughts in my mind and maybe talk to andro#i follow 1 comics blog…..maybe 2. nobody else needs to think about MY little guys#ribbits
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“The Savior Sessions” Part 3 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader
IMAGE CREDIT: Gene Page/AMC
SERIES MASTERLIST
Summary: Part three of the savior sessions. Both the reader and Negan open up about their fears on a rainy day.
Word Count: 3130
Warning: Mention of The Governor being a rapist (briefly)
Song I Wrote To: “Rain” by Ben Platt
Note: I am trying to make these as gender-neutral as possible. If you have seen me use specific pronouns or anything that counters that, let me know! Thanks! I am working on my Daryl story, but I wanted to throw this out there as I do.
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It was raining when you woke up.
Droplets raced down your windows and thunder rolled in the distance. You knew it would be a day that was spent mostly inside. However, you also knew you had to pay Negan a visit.
It was odd. He had surprised you. You could still see the layers of the man he was years before, but there was something...new that wasn’t there when he stepped out of that RV and introduced himself to your people.
Since you were young, you always believed in second chances. You never really thought anyone was truly evil until the world ended. Then, you had met people like the Governor and Gareth, two men who killed who for fun, who took pleasure in the torture and destruction of others.
While Negan had done evil things, you didn’t think he was evil. If horrific acts categorize someone as unsavable, then those closest to you, and even yourself, would be considered just as bad. Nobody was innocent in the new world, but perhaps some of them could still find redemption.
Rolling onto your back, you stared up at the ceiling as the rain pelted the roof. The drumming of it drowned out the world for just a moment and you allowed yourself just a few more seconds of peace before throwing the blanket off and getting up for the day.
You quickly dressed and then made way your way to the window. Few people milled around in the soaked streets. A few kids splashed in puddles as their parents smiled from the cover of their porches. You watched as Gracie ran around as Aaron tried to catch her, both of them laughing the whole time.
Your house was one of the only ones that were left unscathed from the Savior’s attack. You lived next to Rosita who would sometimes use your spare bedroom when she needed a break from her boys. However, you tended to be alone for the most part unless one of the parents asked you to watch the kids. Being a teacher before the turn, you were really the only one who was able to get the little ones to calm down and listen.
Many people figured you would be the one to take over as the full-time teacher in Alexandria, but you couldn’t do it. You loved teaching back then, but now after everything, you were so different. And while you still cared about the kids, you were now more comfortable with a gun on your hip, watching the walls, or now, chatting with a killer.
You grabbed your coat and then headed out of your house, walking towards the infirmary. Siddiq had been experimenting with a new tea that would help improve the immune systems of the Alexandria residents as the weather turned for the worse. Laura had been his last guinea pig for a taste test and the blonde had nearly choked it down while she tried to put on a brave face. However, the doctor had seen right through her and tried again.
You were more than willing to help him out this morning as he had stitched you up enough over the past few years. The rain soaked your hair as you walked down the road, trying to keep your jacket tucked around your neck to keep the bandage that was placed there somewhat dry. Siddiq had patched you up the day before, but you had no desire to get an infection from a ruined bandage.
As you approached the infirmary, Siddiq was already waiting for you on the porch. “I saw you coming,” he said with a warm smile.
“I would have been here sooner, but I slept in,” you said with an apologetic shrug.
“It’s the weather,” Siddiq said as he picked up two mugs from the table by the door. When he handed both of them to you, you rose a brow in question. “It gets cold in that cell,” he said with a shrug of his own. You smiled slightly, oddly touched that Siddiq had thought of Negan. Then again, he was the one who had looked after the man after Rick had opened his throat.
You took a hesitant sip of the sweet-smelling tea and then relaxed as it actually tasted pretty good. “I think you managed to get this one right, Doctor,” you said raising your cup to him.
“Mind telling other people that?” he asked.
“I’ll spread the word, Siddiq,” you said, walking back down his steps.
“Have fun,” he teased.
“If both of my hands weren’t occupied, I would be sending you a very rude gesture right now,” you called over your shoulder as you continued toward the main road that led to Negan’s cell.
The guard waved to you as he left his post. You figured he hadn’t been there long. You were also trying to convince Michonne to drop the guard altogether. Negan knew he would most likely be executed if he broke out and from your conversations with him, you didn’t think he would try anyway.
Balancing the mugs in one hand, you entered the stone building, shoving the door close with your foot. “Someone has their hands full this mornin’,” Negan said as he stood by the bars.
“Courtesy of the good doctor,” you said, approaching him and handing him a steaming mug. “Trust me, I already checked for poison.” You hadn’t but it amused him. Negan took the mug through the bars and enclosed his hands around it.
Not bothering with the chair this time, you sat on the ground by the bars, pulling your knees up. Negan joined you, leaning against the cold wall. “How was your morning?” he asked, pleasantly. You chuckled under your breath. “What?”
“Nothing,” you said shaking your head. “It’s been...wet.” Negan looked at you and you rolled your eyes. “Don’t be gross,” you warned and he raised a hand in surrender.
“I didn’t say anything,” he said.
“No, but you were thinking it,” you said with narrowed eyes.
“Ah, see, would you look at that! We’re so close we can already read each other’s minds.”
“Oh, great,” you said, turning up your nose. Negan mirrored your earlier expression and rolled his own eyes.
“So, you don’t like the rain, then?” he asked.
“I don’t care for the thunderstorms, but I like a little rain. It makes the Walkers slower and freshens up the rotten air,” you explained, sipping on your tea.
“Yeah,” Negan agreed, “I’m not too big on the thunderstorms either. Way back when the world was still somewhat functioning, we had a massive storm that cut the power right in the middle of the school day. Kids are rambunctious enough and then you give the little assholes a power outage and well…”
“Shit hits the fan,” you concluded.
“You sound like you have personal experience,” Negan noticed.
“I used to teach middle and high school English,” you revealed and Negan looked at you in surprise.
“Did you like it?”
“It was better than this,” you said with a snort.
“Fair enough,” Negan said. You let your head fall back and that’s when he noticed the bandage on your neck. “What happened there?” Your hand came up to touch the dressing.
“Oh, I got cut when I was helping Scott with one of the walls. Walkers snuck up on us and I tripped on a piece of metal, scratch it on my way down. No big deal, I’ve had worse.”
“Haven’t we all,” Negan muttered and you saw a flash of something behind his eyes, but it was gone in a second. “Well, you need to be more careful (Y/N), I can’t have my BFF gettin’ munched on by a corpse.”
“BFF?” you asked with raised brows. Negan just winked back. “Alright, Mister, today, I want to hear a story from you.”
“I thought you said you were going to tell me what your vote would be,” Negan said, turning his head to look at you, waiting. You sighed as you remembered promising him that at the end of your last conversation, but you had been doing most of the talking in these sessions and it was his turn.
“Story first,” you told him. “Then I’ll tell you.” He looked at you annoyed for a moment before shrugging.
“As you wish, your majesty,” he said, but then he began his story. “Alright, how about the first time I ran into a herd?”
“Oh? Do tell,” you said, resting your elbow on your knee and watching him.
“Right, so, it wasn’t long after the Turn. Corpses were everywhere and you couldn’t walk out the door without having to bash in some skulls. I was trying to find someplace to hold up for a few days. I was with two other people, both are dead now, but they were decent people to travel with. My wife had just died and I needed to just leave, you know?” you nodded, understanding. “I made it to Richmond and god the number of Walkers was fucking terrifying. At this point, nobody knew what the fuck was going on. Not like we do now, but it was different back then as you remember.
“We moved into the city and then when I headed into the main district, lookin’ for the old FEMA centers, that’s when we saw it. Must have been over five hundred, maybe more. It was like they were all rotating in one big circle and then the bastards saw us and...well shit, I had never run so damn fast in my life. It was like we were magnets for the things and no matter where we turned, there were more and more…” Negan let out a breath as his memories haunted him.
“What did you do to get away?” you asked.
“Managed to get an old tow truck workin’,” he said. “Plowed that sucker right through them until we could find high ground. Wasn’t pretty, but dealing with Walkers never is.”
“I think we all learned not to go to cities again after the first time,” you said, finishing your tea.
“You did it too?”
“Atlanta,” you said with a nod. “Though, I did it multiple times for supplies so I guess I’m the idiot here.”
“These were the runs you went on with Glenn?” he asked and you were surprised to hear him say Glenn’s name, but you nodded nonetheless.
“Right,” you confirmed. “Though, I wasn’t with him the day he found Rick.”
Negan was quiet then and you knew he was thinking about Glenn. A few days before, Gabriel had come to you and told you that he sometimes overheard Negan saying his victims’ names in his sleep. Negan probably didn’t even know he was doing it, but it only added to your theory that Negan felt guilt for what happened at the line-up and everything afterward.
“The fear I felt when all those Walkers were coming for us…” Negan continued. “It was the most primal thing I had ever felt. You know how they talk about fight or flight?”
“Yeah.”
“I never once thought to fight at that moment. All I wanted to do was run and not look back. It wasn’t until weeks later that I got sick of running and I finally made Lucille.”
“‘Lucille, give me strength’,” you quoted and his head whipped towards you. “I told you, I was good at surveillance. I guess she did more for you than we all first thought. Not just a bat after all.”
“Never was that simple,” he said and you could hear the sadness in his voice as he spoke the words.
You were wondering if you could find her out in that field. It had been years, but if by some miracle it was there, you may be able to get it. Not that you were going to give it to Negan, but maybe someday if he was let out and went looking for her, you could give that piece back to him. The thing that was hated by your people but created the resilient man before you. You figured that was something.
“You asked me before who the first person I killed was,” you began. Negan waited patiently. “I never knew his name or if he had a family, but I remember his face and how I felt at that moment. I was terrified. We were under attack by this man who called himself The Governor. This man ran a community, a town, and he was horrible. He was a rapist, a killer, and an overall tyrant. Not somebody that would have been welcomed here or the Sanctuary.”
“Damn right,” Negan sneered.
“We had liberated the town and Michonne had tried to kill him so he was pissed and eventually rolled up to the gates of the prison we were living in. He blasted our towers to rubble and his men and women began killing us. We were lucky enough to be pretty strong then and we killed most of them. Daryl got his hands on some grenades and took the tank out.”
“Tank?” Negan asked.
“I told you, son of a bitch was crazy. His people attacked and we had to defend ourselves. I was trying to wrangle all the kids with a man by the name of Tyreese. He was Sasha’s brother. He and I were almost out when this man came up and tried to kill Tyreese as he held a very young Judith in his arms.”
Taking a breath, you tried to stay calm as you recounted the events. “He was gonna kill the baby and I had one of Daryl’s knife so I just rammed it into the man’s neck. I didn’t think it would be that hard, you know? Walkers are much easier, so when the blade made contact, it almost didn’t go through. Blood flowed all over me from the artery I had severed and Tyreese ran with Judith. I watched the man die at my feet as I collected myself, but it didn’t last long. A second later and an explosion racked the courtyard and I went down. I didn’t see Tyreese or the baby until we were all reunited.”
“You did it to protect your people, to protect a child,” Negan reminded you.
“I wasn’t upset I killed him, Negan,” you said. “I was upset at how easy it was to do it.”
“I get that,” he said and you could tell he was being honest. That was something you admired about him, he never lied if he could help it. “What happened after that?”
“Michonne killed the Governor and I woke up just as a Walker was about to kill me. Then, Glenn came out of nowhere and killed it and I ended up staying with him and Tara as we went to find the others. On the road is where we met Rosita, Abraham, and Eugene. I didn’t know it then, but I would be killing a lot more in the next few weeks.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not and you wouldn’t be either if you knew who tried to kill us...who tried to fucking slaughter us like cows…” your fists curled in as the visuals of Terminus flashed behind your eyes.
You hadn’t realized you were shaking until you felt a hand on yours as Negan reached through the bars to calm your hands. You realized then that this was the first time he had touched you and you felt oddly comforted. You patted his hand in thanks and he withdrew it, placing it back in his lap. “So, just know you’re not the only one who has felt fear like you did in that city.”
“But you fought,” he said.
“I did, but all I wanted to do was run. It took me a long time to run towards danger than from it. Rick, Daryl, Carol, Abe, they all taught me to fight.”
“They did a good job,” he complimented. “You are one certified badass (Y/L/N).”
“Who told you my last name?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.
“Judith,” he said with a grin.
“Should have known,” you said with a small smile.
“There it is,” Negan said, pointing at your mouth. “I like seeing you smile.” You went to roll your eyes again, but a loud crash of thunder interrupted you. You jumped.
“Jesus,” you swore under your breath. “That is why I hate storms.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” he joked and you pushed his shoulder through the bars, making him laugh. The two of you sat in silence then, listening to the rain. This was only your third time speaking to him, but you were starting to feel a kind of camaraderie between the two of you. It was strange, but it began to feel natural. You wondered if this is how Judith felt when she spoke to him, this kind of calmness. Then again, Judith could make friends with everyone.
Negan’s eyes fell closed as he breathed in deep. In the low light of the cell, you could see the shiny line of the scar that permanently marked his throat and you finally answered his question.
“I would have voted no,” you whispered. His eyes opened slowly and his head rolled to the right to look at you.
“Why?” he simply asked. You kept eye contact as you spoke, making sure he understood every word.
“None of us are saints, Negan,” you began. “All of us, Hilltop, Alexandria, Kingdom, Oceanside, we’ve all killed without a second thought to protect what’s ours. I’m not saying what you did was right, but sometimes I think back to the line-up or when you set the Walkers loose on Hilltop and I can’t help but think that I would’ve done the same if the situation was reversed. Maybe not with a baseball bat, but we’ve tortured and we’ve executed.”
“So, you’re saying that you wouldn’t have killed me because you’ve done shitty things, too?” he asked.
“There is enough death in the world already,” you said with a shrug.
“Unbeing dead isn't being alive,” Negan quotes and you tilted your head slightly.
“E.E. Cummings was a wise man.”
“Indeed he was,” Negan agreed with a smile. “Thanks for saying that.”
“I told you I didn’t hate you and I meant it. To an outsider, we’re both monsters,” you explained. “I imagine that if I had been with the Saviors, I would have seen this side as the villains. All about perception, my friend.”
“Ah, so you agree,” he said with a grin, “we are friends.”
“Oh, shut up.”
TAGS: @thanossexual @yes-sir-hotchner @boom-bunny @delusionalteenagewhispers @sophia-gwendolyn @ritajammer21
#walkerwords#savior sessions#twd#twd imagines#negan imagine#negan x reader#reader insert#The Walking Dead#the walking dead imagines#the walking dead fanfiction#TWD season 9#Prison Negan
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Vodka Pineapple
Rating: M | There’s smut, mentions of drowning, and other adult themes and situations.
Summary: Evie Porter wanted a normal summer. She wanted to be a twenty-something and enjoy bonfires on the beach and have a fling with a boy that would break her heart. Calum Hood wanted to distract himself from his past. They were a match made in heaven until his past caught up with them and they both did what they do best; run. (Mentions of drowning, swearing, anxiety, etc.)
Word Count: 34.2k (....I know. I’m very sorry I am who I am)
Golden hour had a reputation for being the most beautiful time of day. For a brief period, just when the world needed it the most, everything was bathed in beautiful golden. The light bounced off everything it touched and offered a glimmer of hope; it offered a promise of a good day ahead for some and a better tomorrow for others. It was inspiring, the muse for everyone from artists to athletes, and Evie Porter was not immune to its charm. She rarely found herself awake so near sunrise and was rarely outdoors so near sunset but with the end of the semester came the freedom to do as she pleased and nothing sounded more appealing than a skate at sunrise.
She listened to the waves crash against the shore and pulled in deep breaths of salty sea air as she sat on a bench near the boardwalk, lacing up her roller skates. It was quiet, save for the sounds of the ocean, as the small town had yet to wake for the day and with every exhale, she felt a bit more tension leave her body. It was almost surreal, having the chance to spend her summer in the small seaside town she’d frequented as a child rather than in crowded Los Angeles, but she was grateful for the opportunity as she soaked in the atmosphere.
The town was small, infinitely smaller than Los Angeles, and didn’t experience a boom in tourism until July - according to her cousin and housemate for the summer, Dahlia, anyway. There were no pushy tourists crowding the boardwalk yet and she could hear herself think as she reveled in the solitude. She had always loved the beach, particularly the one that sprawled in front of her, and only truly felt at peace when she could lose herself in it completely.
She remained still for a moment, long enough to exhale the last bit of tension and shake off the sleep that lingered in her limbs, before she stood from the bench and stepped onto the sidewalk.
Her skates were brand new, a neon green with pink laces and pink wheels embedded with silver glitter, and she was excited to break them in in the same place she’d learned to skate. Evie’s fondest childhood memories were of scraped knees and bruised shins, of hand-me-down skates and clinging to Dahlia as she guided her down the boardwalk, and she felt an easy smile quirk her lips as she slowly began gliding along the boardwalk.
The boardwalk was simultaneously exactly the same and wholly different than she remembered. There were more cracks and splinters, obvious signs of age, but she found herself navigating the changes with ease as she skirted around a pair of joggers. The wind blew through her hair, the salty air leaving it a tangle of beachy waves whipping behind her, and she breathed a sigh of relief at the freedom she felt. For the first time in months she felt at home, comfortable and calm, and it was wonderful.
Though Evie loved learning and had, once upon a time, been excited for college, the journey was far more arduous than she’d expected. Her parents were footing the bill and while she was grateful to be getting a debt-free education, she was angry at the terms her degree came with. Her parents had both chosen law, both attorneys that loved their jobs more than their children, and demanded she follow in their footsteps like brother had before her. She was given the choice of taking on a staggering amount of debt to follow her dreams or going into a field she hated with a guaranteed job waiting for her when she graduated.
She chose the latter.
With every class she took and every internship hour her parents signed her up for, Evie regretted her choice more. She loved some of the clients, she enjoyed hearing their stories and spending time with people she ordinarily wouldn’t cross paths with and being in a position to help them, but she hated the legal system and would rather learn what made people tick, not the barriers that kept them living in fear. She appreciated the legal system for what it was, a necessary sector of education and society, but she had no desire to spend her life in the field.
She had never really been given a chance to find her own path in life, her parents had always pushed her down the one they’d taken, and she carried the resentment around like a weight tied to her ankle. It lingered in the back of her throat, bitter and overwhelming as she tried to live a life she could be proud of, and only disappeared when she found a rare moment of free time to put on her skates and tune out the world.
Evie took up skating when she was a young child, desperate to emulate Dahlia in any way she could, and kept up with it even after she quit. She had never been naturally gifted at anything athletic - she wasn’t clumsy, just not athletic - so she was surprised to find herself a natural at skating. She felt at home gliding down the boardwalk, the wind in her hair and the sun warming her skin, and realized that any hard feelings she’d been bottling up seemed to trail behind her and disappear with each rotation of her skates.
When she was given the chance to have the summer to herself - her parents were participating in Lawyers Without Borders and had been too distracted to place her in a volunteer role for the summer - she packed her belongings and drove to Dahlia’s the moment she finished her final exam. She wanted a normal summer, one where she could forget her parents and the future she dreaded, and was determined to get it.
All she wanted was to relax, to sleep and skate and forget. Just for a summer.
Evie willed all thoughts of her parents, all thoughts of anything but a happy summer, out of her head as she brushed past a small family on an early morning walk. She didn’t show off often even though she was a skilled skater, but as she heard the coos of interest from the children, she took the opportunity to do exactly that. The skates were new, still a little stiff and not quite comfortable enough for her to do her best tricks, but she pulled off a spin and skated backward for a moment, just long enough to impress the children. She grinned at them, bright and sunny as her mood lifted and the semi-formed dark cloud above her head dissipated, and sent them a wave before turning back the correct way and continuing down the boardwalk.
She slowed and skated slower than normal as she drew closer to the stretch of beach that was always the most quiet, taking in the sight of the sand and the deep blue of the ocean. It was usually deserted, empty of beachgoers and the perfect spot for her to take a moment to rest, but that particular morning she spotted surfers at the edge of the water, pulling on their wetsuits and laughing happily amongst themselves. It was nice seeing a group of people around her age as most of the residents of the town were either old enough to be her grandparents or middle-aged with two or three children and no interest in befriending a college student. She made a mental note to ask Dahlia about them when she returned home and kept an eye on them for a moment too long as she contemplated how difficult it would be to learn to surf.
As she watched a tall blonde man toss a bottle of water at his dark-haired friend, his broad shoulders shaking visibly with laughter as the friend began chasing him down the beach, she failed to notice the body in front of her until it was too late. Evie slammed into the man’s back, her hands slotting between them in an effort to cushion the impact but only serving to shove him to the ground. She landed on her knees beside him, nothing at all like the practiced falls she’d learned in an effort to minimize her injuries, and hissed at the sting of sand and gravel embedding into her skin.
She felt a sharp pain in the palms of her hands and her knees, both of which hit the ground and were likely scraped, but paid it no mind as she scrambled to check on the victim of her carelessness. He was clearly headed to join the group of surfers, his surfboard had clattered into the sand off to the side and was halfway into a wetsuit, and she prayed they hadn’t heard the commotion as she steadied herself on her toe stops and offered the man her hand.
She’d fallen and hurt herself plenty of times as she learned. She’d bumped into friends as they took up the hobby alongside her. She’d shoved into people when she played roller derby. But she’d never accidentally bowled over a pedestrian and she felt a wave of panic and embarrassment wash over her as he grabbed her hand and stood from the boardwalk.
“I’m so sorry. The boardwalk’s been dead so I wasn’t paying attention. Fuck, are you okay?” Her words were rushed, her tone hinting at the panic she felt as he blinked from the shock of hitting the ground, but the sincerity of her concern was evident as her eyes raked over him in search of any obvious injuries. Her cheeks were on fire, a brilliant scarlet that creeped down her neck and blossomed over her chest, and she resisted the urge to bring her hand up and cover it.
The man, who likely would’ve stood a foot taller than her had she not been wearing her skates, nodded as he regained his footing and brushed some of the sand from his bare chest. “I’m okay,” he assured her, pausing in his assurance to reach for his board, “only thing hurt is my pride.”
Evie took a moment to revel in his presence. His voice was raspy and warm, he sounded like he’d just woken up, and she was certain that she could listen to him speak all day. There was a slight amusement hidden behind his words, as if he found the situation funny, and Evie felt her eyebrows furrow in confusion as she raked her eyes over him once more. He was beautiful, that much was obvious. He looked to be about her age, a twenty-something in the throes of young adulthood. His skin was golden, even more so in the shifting golden hour light, and covered in black ink. His short, bleached hair was a stark contrast against his skin and his deep brown eyes held a warmth that surprised her.
He looked uninjured, just slightly thrown off by the encounter, and Evie was thankful. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, her lips twisting into a grimace as she shifted on her skates and ignored the burning desire to check on her own injuries. She dug her toe stops into the ground and willed herself not to shrink away from the man’s scrutinizing gaze, even though she desperately wanted to.
“It’s okay.” He studied her for a moment. His gaze felt heavy on her skin, an acute pressure she was all too aware of, as his eyebrows lifted and his lips quirked in the corners in amused curiosity when he took in the sight of her skates and the knee high socks, shorts, and tank top combination she wore with them.
She knew what she looked like - her friends enjoyed teasing her for leaning so heavily into the aesthetic - and she’d never really been self-conscious about her wardrobe before. However, the way he looked at her left her conflicted; she didn’t know if she wanted to stand a little taller and give a flirty wink at the way his eyes lingered on her exposed legs or shrink away in embarrassment in case he thought she looked like a character from a bad eighties film. There was a reason for the uniform, a purpose for it all, but he didn’t need to know that.
He was silent for a beat, taking in the sight of her, before he met her gaze. His brown eyes shone with mirth and she felt her confusion deepen as he said, “I’m guessing you’re either a really good skater or this is a new hobby.”
“Sometimes I think I can skate better than I can walk,” she confirmed, her confusion dissipating as a a wry smile quirked her lips. She dug her toe stop into the boardwalk to hold her balance and offered a half-hearted shrug. “I just got distracted.”
“Happens to the best of us.” They fell into an awkward silence, neither knowing what to say - or if there even was more to say. The pair of them looked away from one another, both studying the group of surfers lingering near the water’s edge, and Evie opened her mouth to apologize again when the man broke the stalemate first. He turned his attention back to her, fixed her with that amused gaze once more, and said, “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”
“I doubt you have. I live in LA and haven’t been here in years. I’m just visiting my cousin for the summer.” She paused, contemplating giving the stranger her name. She wanted to enjoy her summer and though she knew Dahlia would provide adequate entertainment, a few other friends wouldn’t hurt. Especially a friend as attractive as this one. And, at the end of the day, she knew that she didn’t want to spend the summer cooped up in Dahlia’s house or skating alone. “I’m Evie,” she introduced, offering her hand once more.
“Calum.” He returned the gesture, capturing her hand in his, and she bit back a sigh upon feeling the warmth of his skin against hers. It was pleasant, fitting of the warmth that he seemed to radiate across the board, and pulled a smile from her as the embrace lingered a second too long. “Nice to meet you.”
The moment Calum released her hand, a shout of his name broke the spell they’d been under. The world around them suddenly came back into focus, the bustle of the slowly awakening city evident as a few people skirted around them, and Evie felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment once more. She glanced at the group of surfers who were now openly staring at the pair of them, offering a tight lipped smile, before she turned back to Calum.
“Nice to meet you, too. I’m sorry, again.” She knew that she’d apologized enough, no damage had been done, but it wasn’t often that she took out strangers in the middle of a skate. She was embarrassed, more so because he was an attractive stranger, and hoped her cheeks weren’t as flushed as she imagined them to be when she offered final smile and turned to return to her car, her desire to finish the skate losing to her desire to not run into him again on the skate back. “See you around, Calum,” she called, sending him a wave as she completed a spin to show that she was capable of skating.
She didn’t miss the amused grin that lifted the corners of his lips or the way the sunlight made his eyes gleam. He looked beautiful, waving her off, and she had to turn away to keep her focus. She barely heard him but over the sound of her wheels against the boardwalk, his call of “See you around, Evie,” hit her ears and sent a small thrill jolting through her.
**********
“You know, it’s really not as funny as you’re making it out to be.”
Evie sat at one of the high tables near the counter of Flower, the bakery that Dahlia owned, and rested her chin her palm - thankfully it wasn’t scraped, just sore - as she watched her knead a batch of dough for rosemary bread. She hadn’t planned on telling her cousin anything about the incident, she was just going to mention that she’d seen a group of surfers near the water and was curious about them, but Dahlia spotted the scrapes on her knees and chided her for not wearing kneepads before interrogating her as to how exactly she’d fallen. It wasn’t like Evie to fall, she knew that much, and it was even less like her to take other people down along the way. She could tell that Evie still felt embarrassed by the accident - every time she bent her knees, the stinging reminded her of quite possibly the worst first impression she’d ever made - and it was only made worse by the fact that Dahlia knew Calum all too well.
Evie was surprised to learn that not only was Dahlia dating one of the surfers - Ashton, the one who’d been hit with the water bottle and chased the blonde down the beach, if she’d seen them right - she was friends with them all. She didn’t have to ask about the group because when she mentioned the name Calum, Dahlia told her all about them. And when she realized that Calum was the one Evie had bowled over, she decided that she no longer felt sympathy for either of them; she felt pure, unadulterated amusement.
“I don’t get a lot of amusement, kid.” Evie rolled her eyes at the nickname, she was only two years younger than Dahlia’s twenty-three, but didn’t interrupt as she waved a flour covered hand. “It’s not that funny but you have to admit, it’s kind of funny.” This time, Evie did scoff aloud and Dahlia grinned brightly at her. “Not only did you completely eat it, cause enough for amusement as long as you’re not hurt, you took Calum down with you. Ten bucks says he’s going to tease you for it when he realizes you’re my cousin.”
Evie huffed an annoyed sigh, pursing her lips and blowing a piece of hair from in front of her nose, before she rolled her eyes. “Can we just not tell him?” she asked as she stood from her stool and winced at the stiffness in her knees. “I mean, can I just disappear when you hang out with them? I can grab my skates and go bowl over another surfer or five while you have fun like a normal person.” She didn’t mean it, not really, but the thought was tempting.
Dahlia, who’d finished kneading and was dropping the dough into a bowl to proof, laughed. It was a beautiful sound, a crystal clear laugh that belonged to a Disney princess, and Evie was reminded of why she wanted so badly to be like her cousin. Everything about her was carefree and beautiful, graceful and perfect even though Evie’s parents called Dahlia rough around the edges. She was unapologetic in her existence, living her dream proudly and doing as she pleased, and Evie envied her for it.
“That’s going to be tough seeing as your skates are at home and they’re all currently there, setting up a welcome party for you.” Dahlia spoke nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t just dropped a bombshell on Evie, and watched out of the corner of her eye as she stopped her perusal of the display case and stared at her. Her mouth opened and closed without sound for a long moment before she stopped, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes, and Dahlia had to admit that it was amusing. She felt bad, getting so much joy out of watching one of the most outwardly put together people she knew have such a rough day, but she she knew that Evie wouldn’t hold it against her.
“It’s just going to be a few people, E,” Dahlia assured her, wiping her hands on the towel she kept in her apron pocket. “Don’t worry about it. And, seriously, don’t worry about bumping into Calum. If anyone will laugh it off, it’s him. He won’t be a dick about it and if you don’t vibe with the teasing, he’ll leave you alone. The guys are really great, I promise.”
Evie trusted Dahlia’s judge of character more than anyone else she’d ever known. Her cousin was good at reading people - better than she was - so if she vouched for Calum’s character, he had to be at least somewhat decent. And though Evie still felt the sting of embarrassment every time her knees ached, she wanted to let loose. She wanted a normal summer and a normal summer included parties and pretty surfer boys, mindless fun and long skates and sunburns; not internships in stuffy law firms and worrying about an impression she’d made on a guy she likely wouldn’t see again in three months time.
“Fine,” she huffed, her nails tapping against the pastry case as she lifted her head and stood on her tiptoes to look Dahlia square in the face. “But I reserve the right to go sulk in my room at any point if any of them are assholes.”
Dahlia, used to Evie’s antics after years of spending summers together, shook her head in good-natured exasperation. She knew that Evie was just nervous, it wasn’t often that she interacted with people outside of her classes or internships or tight-knit group of roller girls - people that Dahlia knew were very different than her own friends - and she didn’t blame her for putting up her guard. Instead of telling her to live a little, she just acknowledged, “You wouldn’t be Evie if you didn’t.”
Evie’s mouth popped open in a mock outrage as she watched her round the counter with a chocolate chunk cookie in hand. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked as she took the cookie from Dahlia’s outstretched hand and promptly bit into it. “Oh, the salt was a good call on these.”
Dahlia grinned at the compliment, glad that the addition of salt was appreciated by the harshest cookie taste tester she knew. “I know. Ten times better than the old ones.” She fell silent then, hesitating for a beat as she watched Evie eat her cookie, before she shook her head and nudged her shoulder. “Look, you have a habit of hiding when things get tough. You can’t do that in the real world, kid. If one of the guy’s is an asshole, dump a beer on his head. Fuck, go grab your skates and use him as target practice. Just… just try not to run, even if you want to.”
Evie exhaled a harsh breath. Although she knew it wasn’t Dahlia’s intention, she felt like a child being scolded. However, she knew that her cousin was right. When things got tough, Evie had a history of running away - she’d run from Los Angeles to spend the summer with Dahlia when the pressure to be perfect got to be too much - and she hated to admit it. She liked simplicity, she liked for the things she could control to be easy and normal, and didn’t want to invite complications into her life. If she could avoid problems, she would. But for Dahlia’s sake, she knew that she had to at least try.
She was incapable of telling her cousin no so she nodded her reluctant agreement. “Fine. But if you see me dump a beer on one of your friends, you can’t yell at me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she teased - and she wouldn’t. Just as Evie couldn’t say no to her, Dahlia couldn’t ever be mad at Evie. They were opposite sides of the same coin, different but similar enough to be as close as they were, and both wanted the best for the other. And Dahlia deemed that for Evie, the best would be indulging in a ridiculous party hosted by her friends. “Come and help me clean up. Ash just texted me. They’re almost done setting up so we can head home.”
Evie was nervous. She was nervous to meet Dahlia’s friends - ones she automatically assumed were much cooler than her own - and nervous to meet her boyfriend. She was nervous to have to spend the night making new friends. But, most of all, she was nervous to see Calum again, especially after she’d made such an idiot out of herself that morning. He was beautiful, stunningly so, and she didn’t want to come off as just Dahlia’s dorky younger cousin. She’d felt something - a spark of attraction, a few errant butterflies taking flight in the pit of her stomach, the last shreds of her sanity leaving when he smiled at her - and was nervous to see how things would play out.
She wanted to get to know him, to let something unfold naturally, but she also wanted him to see her as her ideal self. She wanted him to see her as she portrayed herself to the world - as confident and sleek, sure of herself and put together - rather than for what she truly was; an insecure, unsure girl who just wanted someone to love her despite her flaws.
But she deemed a reality check necessary. At the end of the day, she knew his opinion didn’t matter much. She’d say goodbye in August and that would be that. However, that didn’t stop her from agonizing over what he could possibly think of her as she began helping Dahlia wipe down tables so they could get home to the party.
*************
Calum stood behind the makeshift bar he and Ashton had pulled together in Dahlia’s backyard. It was a set of old card tables, barely big enough to fit all the alcohol and barely stable enough to stand on their own - Calum actually worried they might collapse if anyone got too close - but the setup did the trick. It got him out of the cramped kitchen and gave him at least a little room to work while he mixed a drink for himself. He knew that he would be stationed there half the night and while he didn’t normally mind - it was his profession, after all - he wasn’t exactly thrilled to be spending his night off doing his job without the benefit of a paycheck.
He’d taken the night off weeks ago, when Dahlia first mentioned wanting to throw a welcome party for her cousin, and was glad to be spending the night away from the bar. With schools dismissing for summer, more and more college students who’d moved away were returning home while tourists were slowly starting to trickle in. Combined with his regulars, Calum was already tired of putting on his best customer service smile and just wanted to spend the night with his friends. He wanted to forget that anything outside of Dahlia’s backyard existed and hoped that his night would be better than his morning had been.
He had gone to bed around four but found himself unable to sleep with the yard work happening outside his window and the constant buzzing of his phone. Between Luke, Ashton, and Michael, he swore he received at least a hundred messages, begging him to come surf with them, and had only relented when he realized they wouldn’t give up, even if he turned off his phone.
He was sleep deprived, still annoyed from the night before, and had only been more annoyed when he was knocked off his feet by a girl on roller skates. He didn’t realize that the girl who’d bowled him over was Dahlia’s cousin until the guys asked him who he was talking to. In his sleep deprived state, he’d just assumed it was a coincidence, another girl named Evie from Los Angeles, because she looked nothing like her cousin and didn’t exactly fit the image he’d crafted in his mind after hearing her description.
Dahlia was tall and graceful with short blonde hair, bright blue, doe eyes and an openness about her that warmed everyone she met. She was bubbly and fond of the same things Ashton loved - essential oils, yoga, green juice that couldn’t possibly be made to taste good - while she described her cousin as anything but.
Dahlia warned them all that Evie was more reserved, able to put on a polite face and make conversation but more than happy to be alone with her thoughts. She preferred the outdoors and tight-knit groups of friends over parties and packed houses - part of why Calum was hesitant to help with the party; he knew what it was like to be dragged to social events and feel out of place - and was apparently studying to become a lawyer. Her family was well off, Dahlia mentioned not getting along with them at all, and he pictured someone who looked like Dahlia but had the attitude of a spoiled LA brat.
But he’d been warned that Evie would be everything but what he expected and Dahlia hadn’t exactly been wrong.
Where Dahlia was golden hour, Evie was late evening with deep brown hair that hit her ribcage and pensive, guarded brown eyes that glittered gold in the early morning sunlight. Evie was smaller in stature, even in her skates Calum was taller than her, but she filled out the cliche skate outfit she wore nicely. From Dahlia’s description, he’d imagined her to be a runner or a volleyball player, maybe even a swimmer, but never a skater. However, he could tell that she dedicated time to her hobby as he’d spotted few bruises and bright white scars marring her otherwise flawless skin.
He couldn’t have imagined his first meeting with her would go the way it did. He certainly didn’t expect to just run into her, literally, as she skated down the boardwalk and he didn’t connect the dots until Ashton squinted at her retreating figure and declared with a certainty that Calum questioned at the time that that was, in fact, Dahlia’s cousin.
He didn’t know her, not yet, but he could already tell she was nothing like he’d been expecting.
“What time are they supposed to be here?”
Calum was broken out of his reverie by Luke’s question and lifted his head to watch his friend attempt to decorate the backyard. Luke was stood atop a step ladder, blue eyes narrowed in concentration as he tried to untangle a mess of string lights without undoing the work he’d already done - half the strand was already taped to the side of the house and looped over parts of the fence. Michael stood behind him with a red cup in one hand and his cellphone in the other, occasionally lifting his head to make sure Luke hadn’t fallen. Neither of them looked like they knew what they were doing - Calum was, frankly, surprised they hadn’t given up and gone inside to eat the cookies Dahlia left for them yet - and the image made him shake his head as he grabbed his cup and wandered across the yard to where they stood.
“Don’t fucking pull the lights, mate. You untangle them before you plug them in.” Ashton, who had been blowing up pool floats and tossing them into the water, glanced up from an inflatable slice of pizza and rolled his eyes as he watched Luke tug at a tangled mess of string lights. He looked exhausted, as he always did when attempting to wrangle his three best friends, and shook his head as Luke shot him a dirty look.
“Now you tell me,” Luke muttered, annoyed by the lack of direction from Ashton, as Michael and Calum laughed.
Ashton ignored Luke’s comment. Instead, he focused on the task at hand and answered Luke’s initial question. “Other people should start getting here soon. Dolly and Evie won’t be here until seven.”
Luke made a face at Ashton’s answer and Michael shook his head. The backyard was nearly ready but they still had a good bit of work to finish if they wanted it to look the way Dahlia - and Ashton - envisioned. Ashton was obviously not pleased with the job Luke was doing in the backyard and seemed to regret giving the job to him and Michael. However, it wasn’t as if he’d done it on purpose. They just grabbed the lights and started stringing them up around the backyard the moment they arrived and he hadn’t had the heart to tell them to stop he accepted their willingness to step in and help, however, Calum knew that his perfectionist of a friend wanted nothing more than to do it himself as they both surveyed the mess Luke and Michael had made.
Instead of chastising them as Calum knew he wanted to, Ashton shook his head once more and turned his attention to Calum. “You met her this morning. What’s she like?” When Calum blinked, only half paying attention to the question as he watched Luke knock himself off balance and flail his arms as he narrowly avoided falling from the ladder, Ashton rolled his eyes. “Evie. What’s she like?”
“Oh, Evie. Seems nice.”
He didn’t know what Ashton wanted him to say. He’d met her, sure, but it was a quick interaction that was over in a matter of moments. She crashed into him, apologized, and skated away. She’d been nice, polite, but it wasn’t as if he expected her to knock him to the ground and just leave without a word. Their interaction was brief and though he had thoughts based on the far off look in her eyes, in the way she seemed to revel in just skating alone without a care in the world and the embarrassment she felt at a simple mistake, he didn’t feel qualified to pass judgment.
The only judgement he did feel qualified to pass was that she was gorgeous.
“She’s cute.” Luke echoed Calum’s initial, unspoken impression as his legs wobbled. He stood on the top step of the step stool, arms stretched to reach a high enough place to hang the lights, and Calum was just waiting for him to topple off the stool and fall backward into the pool. “Is she single?”
Michael raised an eyebrow at Luke’s question and stared up at him, his hand extended with a roll of tape for Luke to grab. “How do you know she’s cute? She was too far away this morning. Your eyesight’s shit, dude.” He paused, his eyes narrowing and his head cocking to the side, before he added, “And aren’t you having a thing with that girl from the library?”
“Instagram.” When the backyard went silent at Luke’s nonchalant confession, he turned as best he could on the ladder and met the curious gazes of his friends. Michael stared at him with raised eyebrows and an unimpressed look on his face as Ashton and Calum bit back laughter at the pink that blossomed on his cheeks. “What? Dahlia showed me! I was curious. It’s not like I went stalking her online,” he defended as he returned his attention to the lights clinging to the side of the house. “And Jen and I are just friends. She’s dating that girl who works at the tattoo shop on the pier.”
Calum rolled his eyes at Luke’s answer. He wasn’t surprised he’d gone snooping to figure out what Dahlia’s cousin looked like. Luke had had a crush on Dahlia when he first met her, before he realized she was Ashton’s girlfriend, and obviously hoped her cousin would be a close match in terms of looks. However, that wasn’t to say the rest of them had no interest in Evie at all.
They were all curious, anyone Dahlia spoke so highly of had to be someone worth getting to know - and they lived in a small town, new people were always interesting -, but unlike the others, Luke had taken the initiative to ask Dahlia more about her. He wasn’t content to wait where the others were. Calum wanted to get to know her, especially now that he knew what she looked like and felt a spark of attraction for her, but he didn’t want whatever information he got secondhand to influence his feelings about her. Instead, he wanted his opinion to form naturally.
Instead of joining their conversation and speculating about what she’d be like - they all had wildly different theories and it was almost amusing - Calum focused on gathering the bottles of alcohol Dahlia had purchased the day before. He set up his bar with a few extra bottles placed near the door so Dahlia wouldn’t have so many people venturing into her home before he set about choosing an appropriate playlist - a task he’d been assigned but knew Ashton would likely regret handing off to him.
And when all was said and done, he took a seat on one of the poolside chairs and sipped his drink as he waited for the guests to begin arriving.
It started slowly at first, a trickle of guests into Dahlia’s backyard all filing in one by one. He could recognize every face that entered, each was a close friend that Dahlia really wanted Evie to meet, and he felt at ease as he sat with Michael and his girlfriend, Crystal, as another friend recounted his trip to Vegas for a bachelor party. After that, the guests started arriving in droves.
People piled into the backyard, shoving through the gate two or three at a time, and Calum wasn’t sure if he genuinely didn’t know any of them or if he’d just already had too much to drink. It looked like every person in town under the age of thirty had flocked to Dahlia’s backyard and he was mildly impressed by her ability to draw so many people away from the only bar in town, even if it was just for one night.
Dahlia and Evie were the last guests to arrive and Calum was back behind the makeshift bar when they stepped through the sliding glass doors. He was just out of earshot, just far enough away to observe but not interact, but he could guess that the party wasn’t something Evie wanted. He watched as she hid halfway behind Dahlia and only offered polite smiles - and greetings, if he had to venture a guess - as the party cheered for her. She looked taken aback at how many people littered the backyard and Calum was willing to bet that Dahlia had severely played down the amount of people she expected.
He watched for a moment, still behind the bar as people took the drinks he’d pre-mixed, as Dahlia introduced Evie to Luke and Ashton. She looked happy to be meeting friends, he could tell that the smile she flashed them both was genuine, but she still looked overwhelmed beneath the grin she wore. Her cheeks were flushed pink, much as they had been when he met her, and the flush creeped down her neck to cover her chest.
The flush spread over her skin and Calum found himself studying her much closer than he intended. She looked cute, soft and sweet with her flushed skin and shining eyes, and it was a contrast to the mischief he saw when she skated away backward, just to prove she could. He was glad to note that she’d changed her clothes since their first meeting. Instead of the tank top, shorts, and knee high socks combination she’d skated in, she wore a light summer dress in a pretty blue that looked beautiful on her. She wore a pair of sandals that showed him just how small she was and he shook his head as he watched Luke bend down to hear her reply to something he said.
He didn’t know why he felt a tinge of annoyance as Luke crowded her, a smile on his lips and clearly undressing her with his eyes, but he did his best to swallow it as he observed her. When he spotted her shifting her weight from foot to foot, a small sign of her anxiety, he began moving without much thought. He ignored the requests he was getting for this drink or that one as he reached for the vodka and pineapple juice Dahlia had purchased specifically for Evie. Her drink of choice was the easiest he’d mixed all night and it only took a minute for him to finish the drink and cross the backyard to where she stood.
He didn’t want to interrupt - he wasn’t really sure what he was doing, anyway; he was just responding to an overwhelming urge to make her comfortable - so he waited until Luke and Ashton were caught up in a conversation with Dahlia, all three of them turning their attention away from Evie for the time being, before he approached and offered her the cup. “You look like you could use this.”
Evie turned to him, surprised by his presence and the offer of a drink, and nearly refused. He could see it in the way she hesitated to take the cup and he realized how it must look, a strange guy offering her a drink, but when she met his eyes and he offered her a smile, she took the cup from his hand. “Thanks. I was going to come grab one when they let me leave,” she joked before her smile turned sheepish. “Sorry, again, for this morning. I just got a little distracted and didn’t realize anyone was crossing the boardwalk. I try not to make running over pedestrians a habit.”
Calum could tell that she still felt bad. She wasn’t quite able to look him in the eye for longer than a few seconds and he believed her when she said this was something that didn’t happen often. “It’s okay,” he assured her with the same smile he’d given her that morning. He was no longer sleep deprived, amused at the smallest things, but he found himself enjoying watching her cheeks flare red and her eyes drop to the ground.
Dahlia had warned them she was shy, a little reserved and quiet, and he could see it as he bit back the teasing jabs he wanted to make about giving her a bell to ring or asking her for a little warning before she pounced on him the next time. She sipped at her drink, her eyes roaming the backyard in an effort to avoid meeting his, and he hid his smile behind the rim of his cup. “You were good, skating away. How long have you been at it?”
Evie looked directly at him again and he noticed that she seemed surprised that he’d stuck around and even more surprised that he was asking her about her skating. He didn’t want to pry, not really, but he made a mental note to ask Dahlia about it later as he waited for her answer.
“I started when I was a kid. Eight, maybe nine?” She paused, considering exactly how long she’d been skating, and shrugged. “Dahlia’s the reason I got started.”
That surprised Calum. Dahlia did yoga with Ashton but other than that, he didn’t think she had ever even stepped foot in a gym. “Really? I can’t picture her as a skater.”
“She grew out of it. She took it up because it was cool, you know? California kid in a beach town, skating on the boardwalk; it was what everyone did and she wanted to fit in. I just wanted to be like her so I started skating, too. She grew out of it, I didn’t. I should, but it’s fun.” Evie shrugged off her explanation, a halfhearted gesture that showed Calum few people stopped to ask her about her hobby, and he struggled to hide his frown as he watched her down the rest of her drink in one go.
“If you enjoy it, keep at it. I think it’s cool.”
“Thanks.” She looked genuinely appreciative, a warmth in her eyes that told him she was grateful for the compliment, and he nodded his acknowledgement. The conversation stalled, neither of them really knowing where to go from there, and Calum chalked it up to her discomfort at being thrust into such a large crowd and his inability to read her.
He didn’t want to make a snap judgement, she seemed quite good at contradicting his assumptions about her, so he he consciously tuned out the declarations his brain wanted him to make. Instead, he wanted to add more, tell her that she should keep skating regardless of what other people thought about it as long as she enjoyed it, but before he could open his mouth, Dahlia turned her attention back to her cousin and grinned as she caught sight of Calum.
“Cal! You’re not bullying my cousin, are you?” She fixed him with a playful glare, a mock suspicion that told him she knew about the incident, and laughed when he rolled his eyes. She was the most willing to give him hell, to call him out if he was being a little snappy or overstepping in the pursuit of teasing his friends, and he knew that beneath her humor was a genuine question so he shook his head.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Dolly. Why would I bully anyone else when Luke is right there?” Luke, who had tuned into the conversation and stood too close to Evie for Calum’s liking, shot him an unimpressed glare and held up his middle finger in response. Calum just grinned in response, as he usually did, before he returned his attention to Evie. She giggled at the exchange, a genuinely amused smile quirked her lips, and he felt a strange sense of accomplishment as he met her eyes. “D’you want another?” he asked, gesturing to the empty cup in her hand.
“I’m okay. Thank you, though. And thanks for this one. Vodka pineapple is my favorite.”
Calum almost admitted that Dahlia told him. He opened his mouth to tell Evie that her cousin had bought too much vodka - and endured too much teasing from Calum and Ashton for the amount of vodka she purchased - just for her but Dahlia spoke before he could. “He’s a bartender,” Dahlia told her, a sly smile in Calum’s direction that he didn’t quite understand, “he’s got that sixth sense of knowing what alcohol you need.”
Evie didn’t look like she believed her - Calum knew he wouldn’t have - but she played along and nodded appreciatively. “It’s a good sense to have. Arguably the most useful of them.” She met his eyes, both of them silently agreeing that whatever Dahlia was attempting to do was not working, and he couldn’t hide his smile as they remained like that for a long moment.
It was just a small joke, a little jab to poke fun at her cousin’s exaggeration, but it was something and it intrigued him. He would’ve been content waiting to hear more, spending the night getting to know her instead of making drinks for insufferable drunks he wouldn’t get compensated for, but Michael’s shout of his name drew his attention back to the abandoned bar.
He rolled his eyes at Michael’s repeated shouting and turned his eyes back to Evie for a beat. He offered her an apologetic smile before he gestured to the bar. “I better get back before someone has to make their own drink,” he deadpanned, annoyed that he was being roped into pouring drinks when all he wanted was to enjoy himself.
“That’d be a national tragedy.”
Evie bit her lip, obviously not meaning to speak the thought aloud, but it made Calum laugh yet again. “It’d be a shame,” he agreed, his mood lifting slightly as he watched her lips curve up in a soft smile. “If you need another drink, you know where to find me.”
Calum reluctantly left Evie with Dahlia, Luke, and Ashton and crossed the backyard to return to the bar. He lost sight of her between the partygoers that crowded him and the friends of friends that crowded her. Though he hoped he would see her again, their paths didn’t cross and, as disappointed as he was, he imagined it was for the best. He didn’t want to monopolize her time, not when there were more interesting people for her to interact with, and he didn’t want to get too attached to someone who would be leaving in a few months, anyway.
There was nothing there for them, even if they both felt the swarm of butterflies he tried to drown with a shot of tequila, and he wasn’t going to fan the flames. He wanted his summer to be easy, calm and quiet, and he could see her breaking his heart if he let her in too close. So he didn’t look for her, didn’t try to catch her attention even though he knew he could. He just let it be and sat behind the bar, making drinks and counting down the hours until he could leave.
And as he thought about his night, he decided the future didn’t matter. He was just glad he’d gotten her to smile.
************************
Evie woke the morning after the party with a dry mouth, something that always happened when she drank, but no other signs of a hangover. She hadn’t had much to drink - just the vodka pineapple Calum brought her when she first arrived and the spiked punch Luke grabbed for her that she only drank to be polite - so she wasn’t surprised to find herself hangover free. She was exhausted from socializing, she would’ve been content to lie in bed and pretend other people didn’t exist for the day, and found herself awake far too early for a day that had no plans but, otherwise, she felt fine.
Dahlia, on the other hand, looked like she felt worse than Evie ever had.
The first thing Evie noticed when she stepped into the kitchen was Dahlia sitting at the table with her head in her hands and an untouched cup of coffee and an open bottle of painkillers in front of her. The room was a mess of red solo cups and flickering string lights, there was even a few deflated beach balls littering the living room floor, but it was nothing compared to the backyard.
Evie spotted red cups littering the bright green grass - and the cool blue water of the pool - as well as articles of clothing and even a few remaining guests asleep in lounge chairs. There were plenty of deflated pool floats, a pizza box with half the pizza still inside, and even a few empty liquor bottles strewn across the grass and she grimaced at the thought of cleaning it all up. The aftermath made the party look far cooler than it had actually been and she balked at the state of it all as she poured a cup of coffee and lifted herself up onto the counter to stare at her cousin.
“Don’t start,” Dahlia warned, her voice low and thick with sleep. She waved a hand in Evie’s direction, her nails noticeably chipped and her skin stained with Sharpie from where Michael drew on her after she fell asleep. “Just… don’t.”
“I didn’t say anything.” Evie hid her grin behind her coffee cup and watched as Dahlia lifted her head to fix her with a dirty look. She scowled, her blue eyes narrowed in annoyance, and Evie swallowed her laughter with a sip of coffee.
“If my head didn’t hurt so bad, I’d be rolling my eyes. I just wanted you to know that.” Dahlia groaned at the effort it took to lift herself from her chair and heaved a heavy sigh as she crossed the kitchen to dump her now cold coffee into the sink.
“Sucks to be you. You’ve gotta go open the shop,” Evie reminded her as she watched her run a little water in the sink to drain it of coffee. “You can’t really call out when you’re your own boss, huh?”
“God, the last thing I want to do is go to work today.” Dahlia looked like she forgot that work existed and, for a moment, like she regretted opening up her own business. However, after a moment of scanning the mess that was her house, she paused. Dahlia’s face twisted in a thoughtful contemplation, her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed, before she fixed Evie with a look that she didn’t like at all. “Want to open up for me?”
“No.”
Dahlia groaned at Evie’s swift response and closed the small gap that existed between them to place her hands on Evie’s knees. “Oh, come on! Please? All you have to do is open the shop up and take care of customers for a few minutes. I’ll be there by ten, at the latest. I just need to shower and, I don’t know, find a new liver.” Despite her best efforts, Evie laughed at this and Dahlia grinned as she watched her soften.
Evie was usually steadfast in her decisions, able to stick with whatever she chose regardless of how her feelings changed - her future career path was evidence of this -, but Dahlia was good at convincing her to change her mind. And it wasn’t like she didn’t want to help. She would do whatever she could to help Dahlia out. However, opening a shop she hadn’t been to since it opened and working it, alone, for an hour? That thought intimidated her.
One of her biggest fears was failing spectacularly and she feared she would accidentally burn down the shop or maybe offend half of Dahlia’s customer base and she didn’t want that at all.
However, she found herself unable to tell her no. Although the party wasn’t exactly for Evie - not really, it was more an excuse for Dahlia and her friends to party without feeling guilty - she was still housing her for the summer with little expectations. She wasn’t paying rent or doing much outside of helping with groceries so she felt like she owed her that much, at least.
She only had one option and she didn’t really like it.
Evie remained silent for a moment, her eyes narrowed at her cousin just to make her squirm, before she heaved a heavy sigh and nodded. “Fine. But if you’re not there by ten, I’m locking up and leaving the shop empty while I go skate. I want to try out the skate park before it gets crowded with kids for the summer.”
“Deal. Love you, kid. Thank you,” Dahlia exclaimed, looking brighter than she did a moment ago, as she reached out and pinched Evie’s cheek. She laughed Evie swatted at her hand and nudged her side to get her to stop. “The shop is dead before eleven on Saturday, anyway. At most, you’ll have a few people wanting pastry but that’s about it. Find what you need in the pastry case. If someone has a custom order, write it down and get their name and number and I’ll confirm with them later.”
After her explanation, Dahlia took off down the hallway. Evie watched her disappear, rushing toward her bedroom with a grace that Evie still couldn’t manage, even on skates. She was envious of how Dahlia moved, how it looked like she was floating on air even with the way her shoulders slumped and her head fell forward due to the hangover, and found herself comparing their differences yet again as she retreated to the guest bedroom she claimed as her own for the summer.
She envied Dahlia in a number of ways. Dahlia was graceful, of course, but she was also living life the way she chose. Her parents wanted her to go to college and get a business degree but her passion was baking. She knew the degree might be helpful - she sometimes lamented not choosing the college route, especially as she navigated the wonderful world of entrepreneurship - but she preferred getting practical experience so instead of spending four years in school, she worked in cafes and bakeries and trained with any pastry chef that would have her. She attended culinary school, after working long enough to save up the money so she wouldn’t feel like she owed her parents, and was steadfast in doing whatever she could to make her dream come true.
Evie, meanwhile, was stuck living the life her parents deemed appropriate just because she was too afraid to challenge them.
She didn’t want to be a lawyer. It wasn’t the life she would’ve chosen for herself. However, as she skated along the sidewalk that ran between Dahlia’s house and Flower, she realized that she wasn’t sure what life she would’ve chosen for herself. She hadn’t really been given the opportunity to dream as a child - her future had long since been determined for her - and feared it was too late now.
And, even if she was given the chance to dream, what would she do as she dreamt?
She was stuck, though she realized there were worse places to be stuck than with a paid for degree and a guaranteed ticket to law school.
Evie heaved a heavy sigh as she stopped in front of the shop. She paid no attention to her surroundings as she flipped through Dahlia’s keyring to find the front door key. Her headphones were situated over her ears and she was lost in thought as she stepped inside, rolling around the tables and flipping on lights as she did. As soon as the computer was turned on and everything was ready to go, she pulled off her headphones and sat down at one of the tables to switch her skates out for a pair of Docs.
“When you’re not body slamming strangers, you are actually really good.”
“Jesus Christ.” Evie stood from her seat, sending her skates rolling across the floor and shaking the table, as a voice echoed through the empty shop. She hadn’t heard the bell ring - a fact she chalked up to the headphones - and was surprised to find Calum standing near the entrance with a smile on his face. He was leaning against a table, arms folded over his chest, but leaned down to grab the skate as it rolled across the floor to him.
Evie was glad to see him again. She’d planned on seeking him out at the party, she wanted to talk to him, but every attempt she made was thwarted. If she wasn’t inundated with questions for Dahlia’s friends about her life in L.A., Luke was following her every move. He hung onto her like a lost puppy and while she thought he was cute, someone else had already captured her interest.
She smiled at Calum as he crossed the shop, holding the run away skate out for her to take, and willed herself not to flush pink in his presence yet again. She didn’t feel so embarrassed, not anymore. Those feelings were replaced with butterflies raging in the pit of her stomach and she willed her thumping heart to calm as she shook her head and said, “Thanks. Good morning.”
“Good morning. That happen often?”
Calum smirked at her, obviously amused by her string of bad luck when it came to him, and watched her as she moved. “Not really, no. I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck, Calum.” Evie laughed as she teased Calum, a grin on her face to let him know she was joking, and focused on lacing up the remaining boot before she placed her skates on the leash and stashed them beneath the counter beside her bag. “What brings you to Flower?”
“The guys are all dying of hangovers. It was my turn to pick up breakfast and I know the owner here,” he said, his eyes shining with mischief as he approached the counter she now stood behind and watched her brush her hair over her shoulder and away from her face.
“Mm, well, the owner isn’t in but I’ll do my best to help you fulfill your duties as breakfast bringer. What do you need?”
“Surprise me. I’ll trust your judgement.” Evie raised an eyebrow at Calum’s words, her smile still present, before she rolled her eyes and set about gathering an assortment of pastries. He made a noise, a sound that made it seem like he’d just had a thought, before he added, “I will admit, it’s hard trusting your judgement when your favorite drink is vodka pineapple but…”
Evie lifted her head, shooting him a playful glare over the top of the pastry case, before she narrowed her eyes and huffed. “Isn’t it against the bartender code of ethics or something to judge someone based on their drink choice?”
“Absolutely not. I think that’s the most ethical decision. Saves me from getting to know people with bad taste,” he defended, a laugh leaving his lips as he leaned back against one of the tables and watched her work. “And it’s a good way to pass time during slow shifts.”
Evie placed a piece of pastry paper into one box and reached for another to pack a few more items. “There’s such a thing as a slow shift at a bar here?”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this isn’t exactly L.A. There’s one bar in town and it’s only busy when kids come home from college. The rest of the year, there are plenty of slow shifts.” Calum explained with a shrug as he watched her bag up the boxes of pastries and slide them across the counter.
“You getting good at judging people based on their drinks, then?” Evie was certain she looked skeptical, she felt it, but Calum took her question in stride as he offered her a playful shrug.
“You can always come to the bar and see for yourself. I’ll share some of my judgements, you let me know how you think I did.”
Evie blinked in surprise at Calum’s offer. She hadn’t expected him to be so bold but she found that she liked it. The friends she made, the guys she dated, often beat around the bush or took far too long to ask for what they wanted. Calum, on the other hand, seemed comfortable enough to dive right in. It was a welcome change and she found herself nodding without really thinking it through.
“Okay, sure. I’ll come judge your judgements as long as you promise not to make fun of my drink of choice. Or my skating.”
“Never made fun of your skating, Evie,” Calum reminded her with a tooth-filled smile, “just your string of unfortunate luck when I’m around. My shift starts at seven tonight. Dolly usually drops by around eight with Ash and the guys if you want to join them.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Calum lingered near the counter for a beat of silence after paying for the pastries. They stared at one another, both with glittering eyes and butterflies in their stomachs, and smiled as they took in the matching pink tint both their cheeks took on. Neither of them had gone into the summer with the intention of anything more than fun but they could feel something brewing beneath the surface. There was more to them than either of them wanted to admit yet, they didn’t know what awaited them down the line, but they were both coming to the conclusion that getting there would be a fun journey.
“See you around, Evie.” Calum broke the stalemate first, his words spoken softly with a hint of hope that didn’t go unnoticed. He gave her another smile, this one soft and unlike the others she’d seen thus far, before he turned to leave the shop.
“See you around, Calum.”
Evie watched as he left the shop. He glanced at her over his shoulder as he left the shop and she bit her lip to keep her smile from growing any wider as he did so. She felt giddy, an annoying sort of excitement that she hadn’t felt in a long while, and willed herself to calm as he disappeared into the morning sun. She wasn’t sure what she was getting herself into with Calum, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but for the first time in a long while, she found that she didn’t quite mind the uncertainty.
In fact, she was looking forward to it.
**********************************
Calum stood behind the bar at Jack’s, a dingy dive that he’d been working at since he turned eighteen, and wiped at the counter as he waited for another customer to approach him. He hadn’t been old enough to bartend when he started, he just bussed tables and stocked the backroom, but since he turned twenty-one, he’d been behind the bar almost every night as he worked to save up enough money to finally leave his hometown.
He loved his family, he loved his friends, but he didn’t exactly love the life he was living. He was desperate to make a real life for himself, a better life for himself. He wanted an opportunity, a chance to prove that he could be something other than a small-town bartender or a washed up surfer, and he hoped that L.A. was the answer to all of his problems. Though, realistically, he knew that it was likely anything but.
He sometimes felt envious as he thought about the lives those around him led. His friends were settled into their small town lives. Ashton and Michael both had steady partners and were attempting to build futures as Ashton opened his own surf shop and Michael made more than enough money designing video games. Luke was just enjoying himself, having fun as he navigated small town life and worked to complete as much of a degree as he could at the local junior college. All the while Calum felt like he was drifting.
He felt like everyone around him had a plan, an idea of what they wanted from their future, while he felt like he had no idea and it scared him. He’d had one, once, but life hadn’t worked out he way he wanted and it threw him off balance. He was plunged into the unknown and it was well beyond uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to the uncertainty, to not knowing what would come next, and he felt like he needed to get his life back on track.
He just wasn’t sure how.
He didn’t know what was next, what came after spending his so-called best years working in a dive bar and not really doing anything he deemed important. He didn’t know where he would end up or what he even wanted to do anymore. He just knew that he needed to leave his hometown and make something of his life.
He needed to matter.
Calum heaved a heavy sigh, his heart thudding uncomfortably in his chest, as he shook his head to clear it. Those thoughts always hurt more than he cared to admit. He didn’t like dwelling on the what-if’s and the heavier parts of his life. He didn’t like the heavy feeling that lingered in his stomach or the way his chest tightened when he worried about it. And, maybe, that was why he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. He couldn’t bring himself to think about it for longer than a few moments at a time. If he did, he panicked and it only served to hurt him more.
It was a catch-22; no matter what he did, he felt like he was fighting a losing battle.
Thankfully, as his thoughts started to swirl a little too quickly, a regular approached him and requested a refill on his favorite beer. Calum welcomed the opportunity to focus on work and listened idly as the man made a comment about the baseball game that played on the televisions above the bar.
He listened as the man complained about the current pitcher, a player he didn’t recognize as he didn’t follow baseball himself, and paid no mind to the noise as a new group entered the bar. He assumed it was a group of kids, just returned home from college, and worked to finish the task at hand. However, a flash of motion at the end of the bar caught his attention.
He turned his head just enough to catch sight of the customer and spotted Evie out of the corner of his eye, her long hair brushed back over her shoulder and showing off the low-cut top she wore. He had to take a moment to breathe, to swallow down the bubbling attraction he felt in the pit of his stomach, as he slid the beer across the counter. But when, with a smile and a tilt of his glass, the regular walked away, Calum had no choice but to turn his attention to Evie who flashed him a bright smile and waited for him to move close enough to hear her.
“I’m definitely not in L.A. anymore,” she commented, her eyes bright as she glanced around the dingy bar. She took in the decor, a mixture of old photographs and street signs and records, and Calum grimaced. It was rough - he knew that it looked like a bad dive from an even worse movie - and he could only imagine how it compared to the kinds of places she went to in the city. However, she surprised him when she said, “But I like it. Doesn’t feel so intimidating. I don’t feel like I need to look picture perfect, you know? I do feel kind of overdressed, though.”
Calum would be the first to admit that she looked out of place. She was definitely overdressed compared to the few older couples in casual beachwear and a few college students dressed in athletic shorts and oversized t-shirts. She wore a white, ribbed short-sleeved top tucked into a high-waisted red skirt and a pair of platforms that gave her a few inches of height. It was a good look on her - and it made Calum realize that skirts and shorts, anything that showed off her legs, were staples of her wardrobe; not that he was complaining - and he surprised himself when didn’t hesitate to tell her that.
“Doesn’t matter. You look beautiful,” he complimented as he wiped at a spot on the bar and glanced at her from beneath his lashes. Just as he expected, her cheeks tinted pink and she rolled her eyes at the compliment as she turned her head to glance around the bar once more. He spotted the others - Ashton and Dahlia, Michael and Crystal, and Luke, watching her with an interest that told Calum he wasn’t the only one who noticed how beautiful she looked - and sent her a smile. “First round on you?”
“Mhm. Least I could do for the party,” she answered with a shrug. He knew she hadn’t loved the party - he could see it on her face - but he was pleasantly surprised that she was attempting to pay it forward. “They said you know their usuals. I’d like to hear your judgements based on their orders.”
“I know them too well to judge their orders.” He began pouring the beer that Michael liked, a local brew that everyone else hated, as he lifted his eyes to meet hers once more. “But I can tell you my thoughts on some of the drinks I’ve already made tonight.”
“That’s not violating bartender-patron confidentiality?”
“Not by a long shot. See those girls over there?” When Evie nodded, subtly looking in the direction of the two college students that sat near the door, he repeated the gesture. “Both have really shitty, cheap white wine. It’s a social drink. There’s barely any alcohol in it so they’re not here to get drunk, just here to gossip and vent. They’ll both wobble out of here after one drink, that has barely any alcohol, and use it as an excuse to do something stupid like text an ex.”
“I don’t know if you need to know their drink orders to guess that. That’s just their demographic. What else you got?” She had a playful look in her eyes, offering up a challenge for something less obvious, and Calum laughed as he set to work pouring Luke’s tequila-based drink.
“That couple, way over there.” Again, she sent a subtle glance in their direction before nodding. “They’re in here almost every night. He drinks the same beer, she drinks the same vodka soda. They both like routine. He likes simple, no fuss. It’s a way to relax. For her, she gets that to pretend she’s more sophisticated than she is. Wants a drink with more alcohol than white wine but not something complicated and fruity. Sees it as a sort of marker of status or something.”
Evie nodded, a thoughtful look on her face as she watched him pour Dahlia’s drink of choice - which just so happened to be a vodka soda - before she tilted her head to the side and asked, “What does my vodka pineapple tell you about me?”
Calum looked at her. She was genuinely curious, not challenging or defensive, and he smiled as he finished pouring Ashton’s beer before he rounded the bar to help her carry the drinks to the table. He fixed her with a look and she raised an eyebrow as she waited for him to answer. “You don’t like to drink, you chose a drink where you can barely taste the alcohol, but you want to be a part of the group. If you did want to drink, you would either be a complete lightweight or drink everyone here under the table, there’s no in-between. You want simple, no fuss, and you put on that you don’t care what other people think but, deep down, you care more than anyone else.”
Evie blinked in surprise at his answer. She stared at him, her eyes narrowed and her cherry red lip between her teeth, before she shook her head and offered a half-hearted laugh. “All that from a vodka pineapple?”
“You’d be surprised what you can learn behind a bar. I’ll help you get these over to the group before they start rioting.”
Calum didn’t want to admit that he’d watched her at the party. He didn’t want to admit that he’d kept his eyes on her, even when she was surrounded by friends of friends and strangers alike. He didn’t want to tell her that those were the observations he made based on watching her interact with a group of people, nor did he want to tell her that he had more thoughts that, based on her reaction, were likely just as correct.
He kept that to himself just as he kept his growing attraction to her to himself.
He knew the signs of a bubbling crush - a term he hated because it felt so middle school but he wasn’t sure what else he could call it - and could feel them crashing over him like a tidal wave. He didn’t like the way his chest tightened when she was around. He didn’t like the way he wanted more, wanted to get to know her beyond the little bit he already guessed. He didn’t like the way he felt butterflies swirling in his stomach and climbing up the back of his throat. He didn’t like the way he was starting to feel about her and what he was beginning to learn about her from their brief interactions.
He hadn’t learned it all - and hadn’t formed his crush - from a vodka pineapple but he wasn’t going to tell her that.
Calum helped her carry the drinks to the table and averted his eyes when he watched her take the open seat beside Luke. It wasn’t as if either of them had any claim on her, both were interested but neither had made a move - even though he was starting to feel certain that she wasn’t interested in Luke the way he was in her - but he still felt annoyed watching her sit so close to the one other person who seemed to be vying for her attention.
Normally, Calum would’ve stuck around, hung out for a few minutes. He would’ve attempted to capture her attention once more, maybe crack a joke or ask her another question, but his own attention was promptly pulled back to the bar. Instead of getting to see her smile once more, he turned away from the table and missed the look she gave him, the way she watched him return to work with a crestfallen look on her face.
During his shift, Calum snuck a few breaks to hang out with the group just as he usually did. He tried not to monopolize Evie’s time, he tried to interact with her as he would with anyone else, but he found himself drawn to her time and time again. He kept his eye on her and seemed to meet her gaze every time he glanced her way.
When the bar finally emptied of anyone but them around ten, he changed the music to a playlist they all loved and laughed as he watched Dahlia and Ashton get up and begin to dance. They always took the opportunity to dance, although neither of them could move sober, and he found it endearing to see them still so smitten after so many years.
What he didn’t find endearing, however, was watching Luke hold his hand out to Evie. It was a gesture meant to entice her to dance but Calum felt a small thrill as she refused without hesitation and gestured to the bar. Instead of joining the others on the makeshift dance floor, she slid out of the booth and crossed the empty bar to take a seat on one of the barstools, all the while smiling directly at him.
He didn’t want to seem too pleased with her decision so he kept his gaze on the glasses he’d been cleaning. “No dancing for you?” he asked as she shifted on her seat and watched Luke crowd in to dance with Crystal and Michael.
“I only dance on wheels. ‘Sides, couldn’t leave you over here alone while everyone else had fun. I figured I’d keep you company.”
Calum hid his smile at the fact that she chose to spend time with him over dancing with the others and kept working as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She watched him work, her brown eyes trailing him as he moved. “You spend a lot of time on skates, huh?”
“When I have free time.” She shrugged, offering him a small smile and a nod of gratitude when he slid a glass of water across the bar to her - he had been correct; she’d only had one drink before switching to water while the others were sufficiently hammered. “I have a few friends that are into it and I do roller derby when I can but I don’t get to skate as often as I want. What about you? Living this close to a nice, more or less uncrowded beach must give you a lot of time to surf.”
“When I have free time,” he repeated her answer, smiling at her as she rolled her eyes. “I go pretty often but I’m here most nights and end up sleeping all day most days. Night shift can be brutal.” He shrugged himself, a nonchalant expression meant to show that he didn’t mind the long hours he worked, but Evie frowned at him and he felt a pang of something - affection, maybe? - as she expressed her sadness for him.
“I’m sorry. It sucks to have something so close seem so far.”
It was brief, a throwaway comment meant to ease his mind, but Calum appreciated it just the same. However, he didn’t want to dwell so he simply acknowledged her comment with a hum. He paused then, his eyes fixed on her as she glanced at Dahlia and Ashton and smiled as she watched them move. And before he could really think about it, he asked, “How hard was it to learn to skate?”
“I don’t really remember,” she answered, her lips curving downward into a brow as she turned her attention back to him. She looked thoughtful, attempting to remember how difficult her early days of skating were, before she shrugged. “I was so young when I started that I don’t really remember the struggle. It just kind of feels like I’ve always been skating, you know? Tricks are tough to learn, even now, but skating itself? I’m probably remembering wrong but it felt really easy at the time. Why? You want to learn?”
She meant it as a joke, he knew that, but Calum was serious as he nodded. “I was thinking about it, yeah.” He’d never really given any thought to wanting to learn to skate. He enjoyed watching people skate down the boardwalk in the summer and had seen a few roller girls in his day but he’d never been curious enough to want to skate himself. However, Evie loved skating so much and spent so much of her time on wheels that it seemed like the perfect way for him to spend time with her.
He felt a little embarrassed as she scrutinized him, blinking in surprise and mild amusement, but before he could walk it back and tell her he’d been joking, she grinned at him. She looked so earnest and excited at the prospect and he found it endearing as she beamed at him. “I could teach you,” she offered, smiling at him over the rim of her glass. “I mean, if you really want to learn, I could help.”
“Really?” This was exactly what Calum had been hoping for and tried his best not to convey his utter excitement as he watched her nod.
“Yeah. I mean, it’s the least I could do for body slamming you yesterday. But I’m going to ask for a favor, too. So, it’s both an apology and a sort of, uh, quid pro quo situation.”
“Ah, so it’s not just out of the goodness of your heart. What do you get from this then?” He was curious, unsure of what he could possibly offer her, and waited for her response with a raised eyebrow and his full attention on her.
“Teach me how to surf.”
To say that he hadn’t expected that would be an understatement. Calum blinked slowly, not expecting her to want to surf as it didn’t seem to be up her alley whatsoever. But, then again, he hadn’t pegged her as a skater and here she was, offering to teach him. And, as much as he hated that the thought entered his mind, he wasn’t going to complain about getting to see her in a bathing suit so he nodded. “Alright. You teach me to skate, I’ll teach you how to surf. I have Friday and Saturday off. We could meet at the rink on Friday morning and the beach on Saturday? I don’t think I’m ready for the streets yet.”
Evie laughed at his admission and nodded her agreement. “The rink sounds like a great option. I’ve been wanting to check the one here out. I’m looking forward to it.”
She was completely sincere in her words, her excitement evident and catching as Calum felt his own smile widen. He was looking forward to it, too, and told her as much as she caught Dahlia’s eye and nodded her acknowledgement that they were getting ready to leave. “I can’t wait,” he admitted, a grin on his lips and a flush to his cheeks. “I’ll see you on Friday, Evie.”
He didn’t miss the way Luke, Michael, Crystal, Ashton, and Dahlia looked at him. Everyone - apart from Luke - looked amused at the situation at hand. He knew they all heard him tell her he’d see her on Friday and he knew that they would all know their plans soon enough but he reveled in the annoyed look on Luke’s face as he waved them out with a smile. Evie was the last to leave, calling out her own goodbye over her shoulder before she disappeared into the warm night air, and Calum felt his grin grow.
He was still worried about his future, deep in the back of his mind, but he decided that the near future - Friday, to be exact - was more manageable for him to think about. He had something to look forward to, plans that didn’t make him anxious, and he was excited to see Evie again. He still didn’t want to admit it to himself, not with the luck he’d had in terms of summer flings, but he was looking forward to her company.
*************************
Although Evie and Calum didn’t plan to see one another again until Friday, they’d been able to speak a few more times over the course of the week that separated them. He hadn’t been joking about his - hers now, too, she supposed - friends visiting the bar regularly. She’d spent almost every night in Jack’s, right alongside the group she was quickly coming to know and love, and kept Calum company whenever the rest of the group got too drunk to be much fun.
They talked, mostly about their friends and stories from their lives that were deemed safe for getting to know each other, and she found herself even more excited for their skating session now that she knew a little more about the kind of person Calum was. She found herself growing attached to him, looking forward to seeing him at Jack’s or getting a meme from him at three in the morning when he finally got off work and made it to the house he shared with Ashton, and that worried her.
Evie knew herself well enough to know that pursuing something with Calum wasn’t exactly realistic. They had no future - she would be back in L.A. in a matter of less than two months and a three hour commute for a summer fling didn’t seem to be the most feasible idea. However, she tried hard not to remind herself of the harsh reality that awaited them come August.
She liked Calum, far more than she believed she would at first, and felt a more intense swarm of butterflies swirling in the pit of her stomach every time they crossed paths.
As much as she wanted to overthink it, as much as she wanted to rationalize her way out of pursuing him, she didn’t believe that was possible. She felt her rationality chipping away, piece by piece, with every smile Calum gave her. And, besides, that felt too much like running and she didn’t want to disappoint Dahlia. So, instead of thinking her way out of a fun summer, she decided to just let fate control her destiny.
If a summer romance was in the cards, well, who was she to run from it?
Evie tried her hardest not to get lost in her head as she arrived at the rink. The parking lot was deserted, there was only one other car and she imagined it belonged to whoever had the opening shift, and she wasn’t surprised to find the rink empty as she entered. It was barely ten, the rink had only been open for a matter of minutes, and from what Dahlia told her, the rink didn’t see many customers until the sun went down.
She felt a pang of longing for her own rink, a place that felt more like home than her own home did, and although she missed the crowds and the staff at her own rink, she was glad that it was empty for Calum’s sake. She didn’t really remember learning how to skate herself but she couldn’t imagine it would be fun having the whole town watch you fall on your ass. It was more fun skating with a group when you knew what you were doing, however, learning alone was far easier.
She’d arrived early enough that she still had fifteen minutes until Calum was supposed to meet her. She lingered near the door for a moment, contemplating her options, before she decided to spend the little time she had alone skating around the rink. She knew that she would be spending the rest of the morning guiding Calum around, that was what she signed up for, so she wanted to utilize the time to both loosen up and free herself of the thoughts that were plaguing her.
The best way for her to clear her mind had always been going for a skate.
Evie didn’t really stop to think about it as she took a seat on one of the neon green benches and pulled off her sneakers. She shoved them into her backpack before pulling on her skates - complete with a fresh set of indoor wheels - and stepped out into the rink.
It almost felt strange being in a rink again. She hadn’t been to one in months, most of her skating was done outdoors or in a derby setting, and had almost forgotten how much she loved it as she started off slow. She took her time as she made a few laps around the rink, just enjoying the music (the same 80s hits that seemed to play in every rink she’d ever been to) and warming up. It was nice, getting a second to breathe, and she was grateful for the opportunity as she lost herself in the feeling.
As she took a few laps, she didn’t notice the door open, nor did she notice anyone enter the rink. She was focused on her movements, on trying a few tricks that she hadn’t quite nailed on asphalt but could complete with no problems on the rink floor that mimicked the hardwood of her apartment, instead of on the world around her. If she had looked, she would’ve seen Calum standing off to the side, his elbows resting on the wall that enclosed the rink and a soft smile on his lips as he watched her. He looked awed by her movements, his eyes bright and excited as he watched her spin and jump, and resisted the urge to clap as she landed a trick that looked effortless but likely took more practice than he ever could imagine.
Evie knew that she was more graceful on skates than she was on her own two feet and she sometimes wondered how she managed it. Her friends claimed it was odd, how she could trip over nothing when walking down the street but could glide and spin and flip with the best roller girls, and she wished she knew why. It was just the way things worked out for her.
She focused on loosening up, on pulling a few practice moves for a few more minutes, and enjoyed the feeling of the wood gliding beneath her skates. She loved feeling her hair whip around her, blowing behind her as she moved, and grinned at the rush she felt as she glanced over and spotted Calum near the wall. She shot him a smile as she skated across the floor to him, her eyes wide and her chest moving a little faster than usual as she caught her breath. She took in the sight of him, looking as out of place among the neon decor of the rink in his all-black ensemble as she had at Jack’s.
“Hi,” she greeted, her voice displaying her slight lack of breath from the exertion. “You look comfortable.” He did, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and she was glad he’d listened to her when she told him to dress for comfort.
“I didn’t get the memo. Is the aesthetic necessary to the learning process or do I magically get a pair of knee high socks when I get good enough?”
She was wearing an outfit similar to what she’d worn the first day they met, a crop top and shorts with a pair of knee high socks, and rolled her eyes at his teasing. “Yeah, your fairy skate mother brings them to you along with a pair of new skates and a fanny pack. To be a good skater, you have to dress like a roller girl from the seventies. It’s the first rule in the handbook.” Calum grinned at her teasing and she shook her head before she gave him a once over. “D’you at least wear a pair of high socks?”
“I did,” he confirmed, lifting the leg of his sweatpants just enough to show her the highest socks he had in his collection and felt silly wearing. “I’m ready for my first lesson, coach.”
“Come on, then,” she laughed, stepping out of the rink and gliding across the carpet with a gesture for Calum to follow. “Let’s go get you a pair of skates. What size shoe do you wear?”
Calum told her his shoe size and she relayed the information to the worker behind the window as Calum caught up with her. He glanced at the racks of skates and frowned at the standard beige and orange combination he saw. “These aren’t as cool as yours,” he commented, glancing down at the neon green skates she wore, now with black wheels. “These are… boring.”
Evie laughed at his observation and shrugged. “These cost five bucks to rent. You’ll probably hate me if I tell you how much mine cost.” When he made a face, something that told her she was right, she shook her head and pressed the skates into his hands. “Come on, first lesson is how to tie these things.”
Calum followed Evie across the rink, back to the bench where her backpack laid, and took a seat as she leaned against the wall. He kicked off his own Vans, sat them beside her bag, and began pulling on his skates. When he went to tie them himself, Evie shook her head.
“They fit okay?” When he nodded, she repeated the motion and stepped closer before kneeling down in front of him. Calum blinked, willing himself not to get any ideas on her close proximity and position, as she said, “Give me your foot.” He raised an eyebrow at this, unsure of what she was doing, but she paid him no mind as he followed her directions and she yanked the laces tight on the boot and looped them over the three metal hooks at the top before tying them in a bow.
“Okay, wow, that’s a little tight,” he mumbled, not wanting to sound like he couldn’t handle it but completely surprised at the feeling as he watched her shift to his other foot. “Fuck, you skate like this?”
Evie laughed at his reaction and nodded her head. “You get used to it.” She stood from her position and brushed her knees off before she explained, “You don’t want your skates flying off your feet or your feet coming out of them when you fall. Plus, it keeps them tight to your ankle and helps with balance. It keeps you secure. Ready for lesson number two?”
“If that’s standing then, uh, maybe give me a second?” Calum requested as he glanced down at his feet and gave them an experimental roll across the carpet. Evie bit back a laugh as she watched, amused by his actions and the widening of his eyes, but nodded as she waited for him to deem himself ready. It took a long moment but he finally lifted his head and looked at her again. “Okay. Ready to stand.”
“Alright. See that thing on the end of your boot?” Calum looked down and she hid her laughter as she watched him nod. “That’s your toe stop. Dig that into the carpet with one foot and use that to help you keep your balance as you stand. I recommend using the toe stop on your dominant foot.” He looked uncertain, shaky at best, but his eyes narrowed in concentration as he attempted to follow her directions. It took him a moment, he took a deep breath to build himself up, but he finally managed to dig the toe stop into the carpet as she directed and lift himself from the bench.
He wobbled on his skates, his arms flailing by his side as he attempted to steady himself, and Evie swallowed her laughter as she reached out and grabbed his arm to help him regain his balance. “I’m good,” he nodded, though he looked a little wide-eyed and panicked just standing there, “I’ve got it.”
Evie didn’t believe him, not in the slightest, but she nodded. “If you say so, champ,” she teased, her grin prominent as she began skating backward toward the rink itself. “Come here, to the edge, and I’ll show you what you need to be doing. You can hang on to the wall here.”
Calum slowly moved across the carpet, his movements steady and unsure, and Evie kept close to him just in case he started to go down. She bit her lip to hide her smile as she watched him barely inch across the carpet but when he paused, eyes wide as his feet started to shift in a way he didn’t like, she laughed and glanced at her watch.
“Shut up,” he snapped, though there was no real malice in his voice as he finally made it to the wall and gripped the edge as he watched her step out onto the hardwood floor. “Not all of us are professionals.” He leveled a glare at her, his eyes narrowed and his fingers digging into the wall as he said, “I can’t wait to laugh at you tomorrow.”
“Mm, I’m sure you can’t. I’ll do my best to remember I have it coming,” she confirmed, a peal of laughter leaving her lips as she gestured for him to step out onto the wood himself. She could tell that he felt even more unsteady, even as he clutched the wall, and she kept close enough to reach out but far enough to not get hurt as he settled into one spot. “Okay, so, starting is pretty easy. You want to stride. If you try to move like you’re walking, you’ll trip and hurt yourself. Now, I want you to make a penguin shape.” She demonstrated, placing her feet in a ‘v’ shape and bending her knees slightly, and Calum frowned in concentration as he replicated her movement.
Evie nodded encouragingly as she watched him move. “Good. When you move, you don’t want your toes to be pointed straight because you won’t really go anywhere. Shift out, like this. She demonstrated the move, striding with her feet shifted out, and smiled at how concentrated Calum looked as he watched her feet move.
Calum slowly began copying her moves, his feet shifting as he attempted to stride, and clutched onto the wall as he did so. She moved along beside him, slowly gliding over the floor in a way that she hoped looked effortless, and nodded encouragingly as he attempted to let go of the wall and move on his own, unaided.
“You’re a natural,” she teased, her voice clearly expressing how much fun she was having as she watched him shuffle along. He shot her a dirty look and she laughed as she watched him flail. “When you feel like you’re going to lose your balance, bend your knees. Whoa, whoa, drop it low, okay?” Calum raised an eyebrow at this and Evie shook her head as she gestured to his knees. “Just bend your knees, please. It won’t hurt so bad when you hit the floor this way.”
“That’s really encouraging, thanks.”
Evie laughed at Calum’s deadpan words and reached out, without thinking, to lift his chin and keep his gaze off the floor. “Don’t watch your feet or the ground. Keep your chin up. You’re going to fall. It’s just how it is. Everyone falls when they start, I fall and I’ve been skating most of my life. You just take steps to minimize the pain.”
Calum hummed, a thoughtful noise, and nodded his understanding as the pair of them slowly began shuffling around the rink. She watched him, a quick glance at his feet before her eyes flickered to his face, and felt a soft smile quirk her lips as she watched him begin to relax.
“You’re doing good, Calum. You want to hug the wall for the rest of the morning or do you want to try and move away a little?”
“The wall’s comfortable. We’ve become best friends.”
Evie rolled her eyes at Calum’s words, a laugh leaving her lips as she reached for his hand. She was gentle as she took his hand in hers and guided him away from the wall. Neither of them thought about the contact, her too focused on keeping him upright and him too alarmed at the thought of his safety net disappearing, but she knew that she would dwell on it later as she squeezed his hand and began guiding him around the rink.
“Don’t think about it,” she advised, her words gentle as she spoke just loud enough to be heard over the music. “Just feel it. Don’t look at your feet, don’t look at the floor. Shoulders back, chin up, knees bent; there you go.”
The pair of them moved just a little away from the wall, Calum doing his best to follow her instruction, and she watched as he struggled to find his balance. He was athletic and she knew that balance was necessary for surfing but balancing on wheels didn’t seem to be his strong suit. With every stride he made, his footing grew less steady and despite her repeated calls for him to bend his knees, he remained stiff once she let go of his hand. He was on his own, moving slowly, and she could see the fall coming before he knew what was happening.
She watched as he hit the ground, landing square on his ass and wincing as he tried to catch himself on his hands - something she reminded herself to teach him not to do. She bit back her laughter, amused at the look of sheer surprise on his face, as she lowered herself to the ground beside him so she could teach him how to get up.
“You okay?” Her question was serious, a genuine inquiry as to how he was doing, but Calum took the muffled laughter as a sign of her amusement and rolled his eyes as he flipped her off.
“Perfect,” he mumbled, his voice displaying his annoyance at both his fall and how difficult he was finding learning to move on skates. “How the fuck do I get up?”
“Similar to how you got off the bench. Also, when you fall, don’t try to catch yourself on your wrists. I know that’s your first instinct but you’ll break your wrist. Fall on your knees or your butt. Okay, get on your knees.” Calum studied her for a moment, a look of skepticism on his face, but when she moved into position, he followed suit. “Okay, place one foot down - use your dominant foot - and press your hands really hard against your knee. Use your toe stop on the other foot to push yourself up.” She stood, just as she practiced time and time again, and Calum took two tries to get back up on his feet the way she had.
“I’m glad this place is empty,” he huffed as he stood there, his toe stop against the floor and his hands on his hips as he caught his breath. “I’d be fucking embarrassed to get shown up by a group of eight year olds right now.”
“Yeah, that’s why I chose a time I knew it’d be empty. Wouldn’t want to hurt your ego again,” she teased, calling back to their first meeting.
Calum narrowed his eyes at her, however, he wasn’t able to hide his smile as he shook his head. She felt the butterflies in her stomach again, a furious storm of them fluttering about, as he smiled wide and laughed at his own mistake. He took a second to calm his laughter, and hers, before he asked, “Alright, what am I supposed to do again?”
Calum did his best to follow Evie’s instructions to the letter this time and she was pleased at how well he was listening as they completed their first circle. He took to bending his knees and she could hear him mumble, ‘Whoa, whoa, drop it low,’ under his breath every time he so much as wobbled. However, instead of holding his arms out in the way that she’d been taught, he took to gripping onto her whenever he felt unsteady.
“If I go down again, you’re going with me,” he explained, a teasing lilt to his voice as they made yet another rotation around the rink. Evie wasn’t complaining, not in the slightest, however, she could tell that he was growing more comfortable as his grip on her hand grew less panicked and a little more casual.
“Sure thing, Cal.” She knew how to fall, she knew the way to minimize her injuries, and figured whenever he fell again, he would take the brunt of it. Until then, she decided to just let him get a feel for moving. They remained silent for a moment, the sound of an 80s song she couldn’t identify filling the lull in conversation, before she asked, “Want to play twenty questions?”
“Is that your way of distracting me? Because if it is, it’s not going to work. I’m still sort of freaking out here,” he informed her, his smile showing that he was only partially serious. “But sure.”
“How long have you been surfing?”
“I started when I was about thirteen. I didn’t have many friends so my parents encouraged me to play sports or something to make some. My sister was a lifeguard and there were surf lessons, they took advantage of them. I met Luke and the rest is history, I guess.” Calum shrugged, a soft smile on his lips, before he turned his head just enough to look at Evie. “Why’re you spending the summer here instead of in L.A.?”
“I just needed to get away for a while. My parents left before they could, uh, encourage me to find an internship for the summer so I have a few months free for the first time in ages. I just wanted to do nothing for a while, you know?” Evie knew that she likely sounded like a spoiled brat, desperate to free herself of responsibility for a summer, but she didn’t know what else to say. However, Calum nodded, a look akin to understanding on his face, and she hoped that he really did get where she was coming from. Instead of allowing herself to dwell, though, she asked, “From the vast amount I know about them, Michael and Ashton don’t seem like the surfer type. They just fall into line somewhere along the way?”
“Mhm,” Calum confirmed, a smile on his face at the sarcasm that laced the beginning of her question. “Luke and I became friends, went surfing all the time. I met Michael in junior high and we became friends. He would come, sit under an umbrella while we surfed. He didn’t get in the water until a few years ago. Ash came along about a year after that and we’ve been friends since. They started surfing because of me and Luke.” He paused, his eyes lighting as he recognized the song playing and began bobbing his head to the beat, and Evie grinned at the endearing sight. “What kind of law are you studying?” When she shot him a look, confused as to how he knew what she was studying, he clarified, “Dahlia told us.”
“Ah. I’m pre-law right now. No specialty but I’m thinking about criminal law. Or maybe media. I don’t know. I haven’t found my niche yet, I guess.” She shrugged, unsure of herself and unsure of how to explain it to someone else, but didn’t let the subject linger as she asked, “You grew up here?”
“Lived here my whole life,” he confirmed, nodding as he followed her around the rink and grew a little steadier on his skates. “My parents moved here in their twenties, settled down, and raised me and my sister here. What about you? You grew up in L.A.?”
Evie nodded and took Calum’s relaxed grip on her as an opportunity to practice her footwork a little as she slowly guided him a little farther from the wall. “”Born and raised. Some people really are from L.A., I guess.” She shot him a wry smile, poking fun at her home, before she asked, “You’re a surfer. That the ultimate goal or are you still figuring it all out?”
“It was,” Calum answered, his voice taking on a quality that Evie didn’t quite recognize. He seemed a little more guarded with this question, a little less ready to answer it, and she didn’t blame him. If he asked her the same, she would likely hesitate, too. “Plans change, though. I’m still figuring out what the new goal is.” It was short, but honest, and Evie nodded her understanding.
“That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? What do I want to do with my future?” She breathed a heavy sigh, one that she hoped conveyed her understanding, and Calum looked at her out of the corner of his eye as she tried a grapevine move.
“Aren’t you going to be a lawyer?” He, like most people, assumed her future was planned out and that she was well on her way to reaching her goals.
“Mm, yeah. But the real question is, do I want to be a lawyer? And the answer to that is no, I don’t.”
Calum stumbled slightly as he fully turned his attention to her. He looked surprised by her admission, shocked that she didn’t have her life as together as he imagined she would, and said, “You’re still figuring it out, too.”
“I am. That’s part of why I wanted to come spend the summer here. I’ve never really had time to just sit down and think about what I want so… maybe now I can.”
Evie didn’t know that Calum had the exact opposite problem, too much time to sit and think about the future, but as he tightened his hold on her hand, she realized that they were in much the same boat. They were drifting, floating through life without a real idea of what they wanted, and a small part of her wanted to suggest that they float together. But, realistically, she knew that she was projecting her desire for a dream, something to hold onto, onto Calum.
So instead of voicing that thought aloud, instead of telling him that though their circumstances might be different, she understood where he was coming from, she held onto his hand and hoped the embrace would convey everything she left unsaid as they continued their rotation around the rink.
*********************
Calum and Evie spent far longer at the rink than either of them imagined they would. They’d skated until an employee informed them they were closing to set up for the night skaters and Calum had gotten significantly more comfortable on his wheels as the time went on. Their conversation didn’t dip much below surface level, not after their brief discussion surrounding their mutual uncertainty about the future, but it was nice.
Calum learned a lot about her. She grew up rich, yes, but she spent most of her free time interning at law firms and helping with pro bono legal work - research mostly. She’d had a job before quitting to spend the summer with Dahlia - she worked in a boutique that a friend’s mom owned - and wanted to get another when she returned to L.A. She had a greater work ethic than anyone he’d ever met and he was surprised at how much time she devoted to something she wasn’t certain she wanted to do.
He was also surprised at her taste in entertainment. She sheepishly admitted that she loved a lot of the same artists he did and balked when he told her he’d never seen the original Star Trek.
They got on like a house on fire, continually surprising Calum as he tried his best to get to know her in whatever way he could, and he felt his crush on her grow exponentially the more time they spent together.
Neither of them had wanted the night to end - Calum was glad he wasn’t alone in feeling something as she lingered near the entrance with him, her skates slung over her shoulder and a coy grin on her lips as they said goodbye - and he’d gone to bed with the giddy knowledge that he would be seeing her in a matter of hours. (Plus, he got to see the look on Luke’s face when he arrived home and would be lying if he said he didn’t get at least a little bit of joy out of being the one to get the girl.)
Calum was growing to like her, genuinely like her, far quicker than he had anyone else in a very long while and he tried not to let that thought scare him. He wanted to remain open, to let the universe guide him wherever he needed to be, and as he glanced out at the perfect ocean view, he liked to think that the universe was guiding him here and bringing her along for the ride.
He heard her before he saw her. The roll of her wheels down the boardwalk, the laughter of children as she passed them by and did a trick for their amusement, all signaled that Evie was approaching. He turned just in time to watch her untie her skates and place them on the rainbow leash she wore over her shoulder before she bounded down the steps. Her hair billowed behind her, a curtain of brown waves that he wanted to tangle his fingers in, and he willed the thought away just as quickly as it hit.
She carried a picnic basket in one hand and a beach bag in the other but that’s not what had Calum grinning at her. She wore a pair of shorts, the standard high-waisted black that he was coming to really love, and a lime green bikini top that looked neon in the sunlight. He shook his head at her, amused by the sunny smile on her lips and the spring in her step, as she crossed the sand and dropped the items in her hand near him.
“Good morning!”
He wasn’t sure if she was just a morning person or if she was genuinely excited about surfing. Either way, he raised an eyebrow and teased, “You’re really fucking chipper for it to be so early.” His voice was tinged with good-natured humor, the tone he found himself using more and more often when she was around, and he watched as she stowed her skates in a zip-up bag before she dug around for a can of sunscreen. “Good morning. Sleep well?”
“I could barely sleep,” she admitted, a laugh escaping her lips as she sprayed her shoulders and chest with sunscreen. “I’m so excited! I’ve always wanted to learn how to surf. I’m definitely going to wipe out but at least I can say I gave it a shot.” Calum smiled at her, thrilled to see her enthusiasm, and held out his hand to take the can from her when she seemed to be struggling to cover her shoulders.
“If I knew you wanted to learn this bad, I would’ve asked for something more than a skating lesson.” He wasn’t serious, he was glad to be teaching her and had thoroughly enjoyed his own lesson, but he liked seeing how her cheeks flushed and her mouth dropped open when he winked at her. He nudged her shoulder, gesturing for her to turn, and laughed.
She was quiet for a moment, contemplating her reply, but before Calum could clarify that he’d been joking, she shrugged. “I mean, we don’t know how good a teacher you are yet. There might be a bonus in it if I learn something today.”
She met his gaze, a playful spark of something he was beginning to recognize as uniquely Evie shining in the honey of her eyes. They remained for a beat too long, neither of them wanting to blink, but Calum broke the stalemate when he grinned. Evie returned it, just as bright, and Calum felt the overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss her.
Instead, he turned his attention to picnic basket by her side. When Evie noticed where he was looking, she turned the bashful pink he loved seeing and shrugged. “I made the mistake of telling Dahlia what we were doing so she sent some things for lunch. Mostly new stuff she’s working on for the shop. She wants us to be her guinea pigs, I guess.”
“Hopefully it’s better than the time she decided to make savory and sweet combinations. She saw this article about flavors that shouldn’t work but do and… well, the flavors really don’t work.”
Evie made a face, her lips twisted into a grimace, and Calum laughed as he recalled the way Michael dropped his pastry in horror and refused to eat any of Dahlia’s food for months after that. “Yikes. Remind me not to encourage her experiments, then,” Evie mumbled, digging her toes into the sand and watching as Calum reached into his own bag.
“You’re not the only one who came with gifts from friends. Ash sent this for you,” he told her as he pulled out a wetsuit. It was basic and black - and Calum hated asking her to cover the bikini she wore - but he knew it would be more comfortable for her when they finally got in the water. The only consolation was that it, like the rest of her wardrobe seemed to, showed off her legs and fit her well.
“That’s so sweet of him!” She looked amazing, surprised by the gift, and excitedly stripped her shorts to pull on the wetsuit. Calum grinned at her excitement and obliged when she turned and requested his help with the zipper. “How do I look?”
“Like a real surfer.” She beamed at his comment, happy that she looked the part, and pulled her hair back into a high ponytail as Calum reached for the boards he’d brought. He had his, the lucky green one he’d used for years, and a smaller one that Ashton had taken to letting the guys - mainly Luke - borrow to teach their partners how to surf if they so chose. “Ready to work on the basics?”
“Lead the way, coach!”
Calum knew that his teaching style was different than hers. She’d gone slow, one step at a time, and was good at breaking things down into manageable chunks of information. He, on the other hand, knew where his strengths rested and a slow breakdown was not something he was good at. However, he wanted her to get he best experience she could have - especially because she was so excited - so he bit back his uncertainty and handed her the board.
Evie was a much more serious student than Calum had been and far more eager. She didn’t hesitate to follow the directions he gave her. She was quick to complete the drills, her agility from skating working in her favor as she practiced moving into a standing position on the sand. She didn’t complain about having to repeat the same motion a dozen times and Calum was impressed by how serious she was taking it all.
He was also impressed by how willing she was to get out into the water after nearly an hour of practicing on sand.
“You know, I thought I was going to be making fun of you for being afraid or falling but you’re making that really hard,” he joked as he helped her wrap the leash around her ankle securely.
“What I lack in skill, I make up for in enthusiasm.” She winked at him, clearly teasing him as he’d done her, and he found himself unable to think of a reply as he shook his head and grabbed his own board.
“Alright,” he laughed, his own cheeks tinting pink as he willed himself not to think about the other ways she could mean that statement, “in the water, Porter.”
Evie eagerly rushed toward the water, board held in her arms as best as she could. Calum held back his laughter at how small she seemed compared to the board, it was comical watching her try to maneuver it when she was so clearly not used to needing anything other than her skates but he didn’t want to discourage her. He wanted her to be able to surf just as badly as she’d wanted him to be able to skate - a skill that he hoped he’d get to work on while she was in town - and was hopeful that she’d be as naturally gifted on a surfboard as she seemed to be on skates.
“Okay, remember what I told you. We’re not going out too far yet. Just far enough for you to catch a wave. It’s kind of like skating, fall on your butt. As soon as you realize you’re going to fall, jump away from your board. If you get caught by a wave that feels too big for you, go low and come up slow. Put your arms over your head because you don’t know where your board is going to be and it hurts like hell when you hit your head on it.”
“Fall on my butt, jump away from my board, go low and come up slow with my arms over my head; got it. Anything else?” She had a bright smile on her lips and looked so excited that it was catching.
Calum felt his own smile grow a little larger as he watched her bounce on the balls of her feet and shook his head as he thought about a warning. While he hadn’t exactly been eager to learn - it was more or less forced on him - he knew how exciting the prospect of catching a wave was. He didn’t want to crush her spirit but he did want to make sure she was being safe.
He knew exactly how disastrous it was when safety wasn’t the top priority and felt a shiver run down his spine as he willed himself not to think about what could go wrong.
“I think that’s it,” he finally agreed, nodding as he glanced out at the ocean. “Like skating, you just have to go for it. Don’t go for a big wave first. Try something a little smaller, until you get comfortable. And then we’ll see about getting you a bigger wave. Alright?” Evie nodded again, her smile still bright as she turned her head to look at the ocean, and Calum laughed. “Let’s go, then.”
Evie rushed forward, dropping her board into the water and climbing on to paddle out into the waves, and Calum followed suit. He was used to bigger waves, he’d learned how to handle himself over the years, but he stayed by Evie - close enough to keep an eye on her but far enough to avoid an accident - as they waited for the first wave. She had done the same for him at the rink, slowly moving around the hardwood at the rink, so he decided it was time to return the favor.
“I know your answer will probably depend on how well surfing goes today,” he said as they waited for a suitable wave, his eyes on the water instead of her, “but I’d love to go skating with you again.”
“It doesn’t matter how well surfing goes today. I mean, I’d love for it to go great but either way, I’d love to skate with you again.”
Calum felt his heart thud in his chest at the prospect of spending more time with her. He’d only known her for a week but it had been a really good week that was needed in the otherwise bleak year he’d been having. He was quickly falling for her, head over heels into something that he couldn’t have imagined he’d want, but the thought of spending time with her, of kissing her, of falling in love with her made him happy and he desperately wanted happiness.
He just hoped she wanted the same thing.
As quickly as the thought crossed his mind, it left. A wave, suitable for Evie, was approaching and he nodded to her when he noticed she was getting ready to start paddling. “You got it,” he encouraged her, offering a bright smile as he watched her move, “go for it!”
The wave was small enough that Calum could ride it out sitting on his board but Evie paddled like it was the biggest wave she’d ever seen. He watched, amused and endeared, at the look of concentration on her face as she attempted to stand on her board. She got halfway up, almost on her feet, but before she could fully stand, she was knocked off balance and fell into the water.
She fell just as he instructed and he imagined it was because of her skating background. The moment she realized she was going down, she fell back into the water and Calum waited for her to pop back up. He’d been difficult, pouting and annoyed, when he fell - mostly for show, to make Evie laugh, but also because he wanted to know he could do something as seemingly simple as roller skate - but she was all smiles when she surfaced. The moment she opened her eyes and got her bearings, she laughed and Calum couldn’t help but laugh along.
“I think I got water up my nose,” was the first thing out of her mouth and he couldn’t say that he was surprised. She wiped at her face, eager to get some of the salt water off her skin, before she attempted to get back on her board.
“I’m kind of annoyed. I still don’t have anything to laugh at here. You’re too well-adjusted for this.” His complaint was teasing, a joke that she took with a wide grin, and he felt his heart ache in his chest as he watched her eagerly await another wave.
“What can I say, I give my all, enthusiastically, no matter what I’m doing.” Another innuendo, another teasing grin, and Calum bit back his groan as she paddled away with a laugh that told him she knew exactly what she was doing. He shook his head, willing himself not to think about anything other than ensuring her safety as he was well aware his wetsuit left little to the imagination, before he followed her back out.
The pair of them spent an hour in the water, him encouraging her to catch waves and her trying her best to stand, but wave after wave, she got halfway up on the board before she fell into the water. Each fall was practiced and perfect and she kept pushing but Calum could tell that she was getting frustrated. He could see the set of her jaw and the way her eyebrows furrowed. He could see her growing more annoyed with her inability to stand and he didn’t hesitated to paddle a little closer to her.
“Tell me what’s happening when you try to stand,” he instructed, his voice even as he reached out to tap her board to get her to look at him.
“I don’t know. I try to stand, I feel fine, and then all of a sudden it feels like I’m falling and I bail before I can wipe out. It’s like…” She paused, trailing off as she searched for the right words to convey her feelings, and Calum waited patiently. “It’s like when I’m trying something new at the skate park, if I’ve fallen or something. It’s a block. I just need to either get it or really fall once and I’ll be okay.”
Calum could relate. He had mental blocks often, times where he just couldn’t make himself stand on his board and ride a wave, and knew that for him, the easiest way to get over them was to do exactly as she said; get it right or fail spectacularly.
“Come on, then.”
With anyone else, he would never have taken them that far out on their first surfing adventure. But Evie was different. She could hold her own, he knew that, and she was determined to get it right. He wasn’t as wary, not as concerned for her as he maybe should have been, as he paddled a little farther out and began watching for bigger waves.
Evie glanced at him curiously, unsure of whether she was reading the situation right, and Calum nodded at her as a perfect wave began rolling in. “Get it right or fall,” he encouraged her, “I’ll be here when you come up.” She stared at him for a long moment, fixed him with a look that he couldn’t read, before she nodded and began paddling.
Calum did his best to ride out the wave on his board, just as he did the others, and kept an eye on Evie as she finally managed to stand on the board. He cheered, a large smile covering his lips as he watched her ride the wave for a brief moment, and clapped as she fell into the water. It took her a second longer to come up but the smile she’d worn at the beginning of the day was back and brighter than before as she searched for him.
“I did it!”
He paddled to where she was climbing back onto her board, his own grin just as bright as hers was, and held up his hand for a high five. “You’re really starting to make me look bad here,” he teased, his words light as he watched her continue to beam. “Can’t half ass anything, can you?”
She shrugged, a sheepish grin on her lips, and Calum felt a fondness wash over him as she turned her head to watch for another wave. He knew she was determined, desperate to get things right even if she didn’t want to, so he knew he was only seeing a fraction of what she was capable of as she attempted something she truly wanted to accomplish.
Throughout the day, as the hours dragged on and the pair of them grew weary from the sun and the water, Evie managed to stand and ride a wave to completion more than once. She got better, her footing grew steadier, and Calum grew prouder with every attempt she made. Just as she’d stuck by his side in the rink and held his hand, he gave her space to surf safely on her own but rode along beside her. And when the sun was high in the sky, he all but dragged her from the water and encouraged her to sit with the picnic basket she’d brought along.
“That was so fucking cool!” She was beaming, proud of herself and happy that she’d finally gotten over the block that was keeping her from achieving a goal, as she bit into one of the treats Dahlia had sent along. “I surfed! That felt as cool as it’s always looked.”
“Why have you never gone before? I’m sure you could’ve found someone to teach you in L.A..” He was grateful that he was the one to teach her - he loved seeing the smile she wore and the excitement in her eyes when she finally got it right - but she could have easily gotten lessons. If it was something she’d wanted to do, there should’ve been nothing stopping her.
“I didn’t have time.” She shrugged, a gesture Calum was growing used to seeing her use, before she took another bite and stared out at the ocean. Calum remained silent, waiting for her to go on, and when she realized he wanted to hear more, she brushed her hands off and brought her knees to her chest. “My life was always planned, you know? Super structured. Debate team, Model UN, gymnastics, AP classes, internships; I didn’t have time for new things that wouldn’t look good on a college application. I had skating and I had to sneak out to do that. There was a tennis court near our house so when my parents went to bed, I went there and practiced. But new things weren’t really an option. It was routine.”
“Is that why you’re going to be a lawyer? It’s what your parents want?”
“Want isn’t really the right word there. Demand, maybe. But, yeah. My parents are both lawyers, so is my brother. The deal was, they’d pay for school if I went to law school. College is expensive and I’d rather have no debt and a solid career trajectory than crushing debt and no real plan. Stability is stability, even if I hate it.”
Though Calum didn’t have the same problem - his parents had always been very supportive of his dreams, whatever they happened to be when they asked him - but he understood where she was coming from. It made sense. She grew up with a safety net, no debt and no worries about money, so to take on staggering debt of her own and go off into the unknown, even if it was what she really wanted, was likely terrifying. Calum understood.
He knew that if he had been in the same position, he likely would’ve done the same thing.
“What did you want to do?” He was curious, eager to know what she would’ve wanted from her life had she been given the chance to really live it. But she just shrugged.
“Dunno. Never had a chance to think about it.” She turned to him, a sad smile on her lips as she met his gaze for the first time since sitting down, and shrugged. “Doesn’t really matter now, I guess.”
“It still matters. You should get a chance to be whatever you want.” He hesitated, wondering whether it was his place to comment on her life, but ultimately decided he’d like her to know what he thought of her. “I think you’d make a good teacher.” When she laughed, clearly skeptical, he shook his head. “Seriously, I think you’d be good. You’re smart and you’re outwardly positive, even when you don’t feel it. You’re good at breaking things down. You listen and have the ability to capture a room when you speak. And you’d definitely be the teacher all the kids have a crush on.”
At this, Evie blushed and shook her head but Calum could see her lips curving into a genuine smile. She was quiet, staring out into the ocean, and Calum wanted to ask what she was thinking but he chose not to. Instead, he remained quiet beside her and watched as other surfers began swarming the ocean in a contemplative silence.
Hours later, when the sun began to go down and their cheeks were tinted pink from the sun, Evie packed her bags and shrugged off the wetsuit Ashton had gifted her. “Thank you, Calum.” He looked away from her exposed skin and met her eyes, surprised at the gratitude she expressed. His confusion must have been evident as she clarified, “For today. For teaching me to surf, for helping me get over that mental block, for helping me try to figure out my future. This has been the best weekend I’ve had in a really long time.”
In another surprising move, Evie stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He blinked, his cheeks going even redder than they had been, and she grinned. “I’ll see you later, Cal. Have a good night.”
She bounded away, only stopping at the top of the stairs to put her skates on, and Calum stared in the direction she disappeared for another long moment. His own smile grew brighter and his cheek burned in the most pleasant way where she’d kissed him. It was small, nothing that had ever affected him before, but he felt her presence so clearly and every move she made seemed to hit him harder than anything ever had. She was overwhelming in the best possible way and it made him forget everything he worried about.
He’d been worried about the past, about things he could no longer change and people he could no longer save. He’d been worried about his own future, about plans that fell through and dreams that had been crushed. He’d been worried about his own present, about letting her get too close and break his heart when she left for L.A. after a magical summer. But as the waves crashed and laughter rang out around him, he felt his worries melting away. He was happy, glad to exist and eager to see tomorrow for the first time in a long while, and he felt excited to see what tomorrow would bring him.
*******************
Two weeks of bliss.
That was the only way Evie could describe the last two weeks of May, the two weeks after her surf lesson with Calum and the kiss she gave him on the cheek. There were minor annoyances - Dahlia had taken advantage of her presence and asked her to open Flower most mornings, even though Evie really had no idea what she was doing; tourists and students were starting to flock to town, crowding the boardwalks and streets and skate park; her parents had found the time to call and encouraged her to get some work done instead of just lounging around - but they were vastly outweighed by the good.
She continued to spend almost every night at Jack’s, the barstool on the lefthand side of the bar was always left vacant for her as if it was some unspoken rule, and kept Calum company as he worked. Whenever there was a lull in business, she listened to him share more thoughts about customers or drinks and tried cocktails he decided to experiment with when no one else would.
On the days that Calum didn’t work they spent their mornings at the beach, usually with their friends in tow, and their nights at the rink. Calum had gotten better at skating, able to keep his balance without needing to hold onto her for stability - though he still held her hand, something she certainly wasn’t complaining about - while she had gotten better at surfing. She was able to ride mid-sized waves and joined the boys in the water while Dahlia cheered them on from the shore.
There were nights where they all got takeout, all sitting in Dahlia’s backyard with containers around them and happy smiles on their lips as they listened to music and talked, and there were nights when Calum and Evie ate alone on the beach. She learned so much about him on those nights, bits and pieces that helped her make sense of who Calum was, and she loved them more than she’d loved almost anything else.
It was something out a dream, a summer ripped from a romance film she once would’ve deemed cheesy, and she felt excited to see where the day would take her when she awoke. Her crush on Calum was unbearable, teetering quickly into head over heels territory, and Dahlia wouldn’t leave it alone as they packed up a picnic basket for their bonfire on the beach.
“Just tell him you’re into him. We’re all tired of watching the two of you eye-fuck whenever we hang out.” When Evie scoffed, an incredulous look on her face as she turned to stare at Dahlia, her cousin rolled her eyes.
“What do you want me to tell him, D? ‘Hey, Cal, I’m leaving in a few weeks but I’m super into you. Want to makeout and pretend everything is cool until I have to go?’ I don’t think that’s a great idea.”
Evie knew that that was what they were already doing. They were avoiding the elephant in the room of her inevitable departure and enjoying their time, but they hadn’t done anything they couldn’t write off as friendship thus far. There were flirty jokes and kisses on cheeks but she could pretend that that was just the way she was. She could just leave it, blame it on her newfound sense of freedom, and that would be the end.
If she went any further, she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to come back from that.
“Not everything has to be so serious, Evie. Have fun. Be young! You’ve never had a summer fling so why don’t you just go for it? If you and Cal get serious, cool. You can come here for breaks and stay with me. If not, well, I’ll help you avoid him whenever you come to visit. Just stop thinking about it. He makes you happy, right?” When Evie nodded, Dahlia repeated the gesture. “Then just let him. Even if it’s only for a few weeks.”
Evie hated to admit it but Dahlia was right. She always dated with the intention of having it last forever and ended up having her heart broken when it didn’t. She wanted something real, something full of love and light, and hated the idea of wasting her time on someone who wouldn’t be a part of her future. However, she knew that she shouldn’t think that way. If she really enjoyed it, if she loved them and found herself better for having known them, it wasn’t a waste of time. Calum wasn’t a waste of time.
She wanted to enjoy herself, to have fun while she could, and even if Calum wasn’t going to make her happy forever, he was making her happy right now and that was all she could ask for.
By the time they made it to the beach, Evie with a blanket in one hand and a box that held a gift for Calum in the other, she’d made up her mind that a few weeks of bliss were worth more than months of heartache. She knew that, should things not work out, she would mourn her relationship with Calum as a devastating loss but she believed the old saying; to love and lose is better than to never love at all.
“What’s in the box?” Evie yelped, surprised by the sudden voice in her ear, and glared at Luke as he grinned. He still hadn’t given up, despite her obvious feelings for Calum, and she rolled her eyes as she nudged him away with her elbow. Undeterred, Luke remained at her side and stared curiously at the unmarked box she held in one hand.
“None of your business, Hemmings.” She paused, taking a good look at the towering blonde, before she frowned and asked, “What’d you do to your hair?” It was lighter than she’d seen it, and shorter, and she knew that neither were from the sun. Her assumption was proven correct when he grinned at her as he ran a hand through it.
“Cut it and bleached it. Wanted something new. What do you think?”
Before she could answer, tell him that it was different but nice, Michael chimed in with, “Bullshit. He got gum in it so Crystal cut it for him and then he decided to bleach it just for the hell of it.”
Luke rolled his eyes but shrugged off Michael’s explanation as he kept his eyes on her. “I’m thinking about dying it pink but I can’t decide what shade. What d’you think?” He stared at her expectantly, a bright smile on his lips as he watched her shake her head and begin spreading her blanket on the sand.
“Pink would be nice. Pastel, rose gold, maybe?”
Luke looked contemplative, like he was seriously considering the pastel pink, and opened his mouth to speak when a different voice cut him off. “Don’t encourage him. Our bathroom is already stained from the time Ash dyed his hair red. And then black.” She felt her own grin grow wider as she spotted Calum and he returned it as he approached the pair of them and nudged her hip with his own. “What’s in the box?”
“Everyone is so nosy,” she teased, a laugh leaving her lips as she nudged the box to the side. “You’ll see. D’you bring the alcohol?”
Calum, the permanent bartender for their group, hummed his confirmation and held up a beach bag full of pre-made drinks. They were all things he knew each of them would like, bottles of their favorites ready for them to pour, and he handed it off to Michael as he cheered at the sight. He kept his eyes on the box, a curious glint that told her he wanted to pry, but ultimately left it alone as he helped Ashton begin the bonfire.
When the bonfire began to rage, the seven of them crowded around it and poured their respective drinks. It was better than the party they’d thrown for her on the first night, more her speed than anything they’d done thus far, and Evie felt at ease as she watched her friends enjoy their night.
Time seemed to both still and move much quicker as they sat around the bonfire. The sun sank below the horizon and the stars were shining bright in the sky as they sat around the fire for hours, just enjoying being together. They were a happy group, each interacting, but everyone had a distinct role and she could easily see it as they joked around.
Michael, who Evie was surprised to learn played guitar in his free time, strummed along to a song that she vaguely recognized as Crystal sat by his side and cheered him on. Ashton waxed philosophic about the state of the world and how beautiful the beach was at night with Dahlia curled into his side. Luke, who frowned every time Calum touched her, sat too close and bumped knees with her every time he laughed. And Calum, Calum was biting back his laughter every time she shifted closer to him to avoid it.
It was nice. She had friends but she’d never done anything like this. It was stereotypical California, a part of life she’d longed to experience, and she reveled in it as she let herself rest her head on Calum’s shoulder. She laughed at a joke Michael told and enjoyed the warmth the felt. She was pleasantly tipsy from the vodka pineapple Calum mixed just for her and would have been content to stay there forever, basking in the glow of the firelight and feeling Calum’s eyes on her, had he not nudged her side when the rest of the group began teasing Luke - lovingly - for his newly bleached hair.
“Want to go for a walk?” Calum’s voice was quiet, not wanting to draw attention to them as Luke whined at their teasing, and she nodded rather than voicing her agreement aloud.
He stood, offering his hand to her, and she took it readily. Before they began their walk, she grabbed the box to her side and grinned at Calum when he raised a curious eyebrow. Neither of them cared that the others spotted them and shared knowing looks and grins of their own, everyone except Luke had been urging them to share their feelings with one another since day one, as they set off down the beach.
Their hands found one another, fingers intertwined and swinging between them, just as they tended to at the rink and she bit her lip as she thought about what to say. She had so many things she wanted to tell him, a number of words she wanted to share, but opted to show him what was in the box instead as they found an uninhabited stretch of shore.
Calum looked slightly confused but said nothing as she pulled him to a stop and tugged her hand free of his. She spotted a smooth rock, a large enough surface for her to place the box on rather than putting it in the sand, and grinned when she dropped it and gestured for Calum to open it. “It’s for you,” she confirmed, a grin on her lips as she watched him furrow his brows and reach out to brush his fingers over the cardboard.
In the box rested a pair of skates, a bright yellow that Calum loved, and he lifted his head to look at her when he realized what they were. “You got me a pair of skates?”
“Mm. I figured I could teach you how to skate outside now. You’re good enough in the rink. Town’s getting crowded but Dolly’s neighborhood is empty most of the time and if you get confident enough, we can go to the skate park.” She fell silent for a moment, carefully choosing her next words, before she continued. “I…I just wanted to say thank you. No one has ever really taken an interest in my skating, you know? No one has ever sacrificed their off days for me or tried to teach me to do something like surfing. And no one has ever tried to help me figure out what I really want to do with my life so this is just something to say thank you.”
Calum looked stunned. His lips parted in surprise but his eyes softened as he took in the look on her face. She felt her cheeks heat as he stared at her, an unreadable look in his eyes, but she stayed quiet as she waited for him to speak. She didn’t want to embarrass herself by continuing to talk, regardless of what she wanted to say, so she left the conversation up to him.
As was becoming a theme for them, Calum took the opportunity to surprise her. He stepped closer to her, his hands lifting to brush his thumbs over her cheekbones, and leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. It was soft, a barely there pressure that left Evie desperate for more, and he lingered close enough for her to feel his breath fan across her lips as he pulled away.
“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.” It was a whisper, barely audible over the crashing waves, but she heard it clearly and shrugged. She knew that, she knew he didn’t expect anything from her, but she’d wanted to give him something. And the way she saw it, it was at least a little selfish. It was a way for them to spend more time together, to enjoy one another’s company, and she wanted all the time with him she could get.
But now, now that she’d gotten a chance to feel his lips against hers, she could think of nothing but kissing him again.
The skates and the words she wanted to share were forgotten as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back into her. He smiled into the kiss, glad that she was as eager to kiss him as he was her, and stepped closer. Their bodies melded together, his hands on her hips and her fingers in his hair, as their lips moved easily. There was no awkward adjustment, no tentative shuffling and hesitant hands. It was easy, natural, and Evie melted into his embrace.
Calum was steady and sure as he kissed her. He slowly guided her back against the rock, his fingers digging into her hips as he lifted her enough to sit on the edge, and never broke the kiss as her hands tugged at his bleached locks. He’d let it grow, it was a fraction longer than it had been when she met him, and she could see the slight curl whenever she took a moment to look.
His hands were warm against her skin as they brushed her thighs, his fingers dragging along the skin marred by skating accidents and general clumsiness. She sighed against his lips, content to remain in that moment, and Calum smiled.
“We don’t have to do anything.” His voice was reassuring, steady despite the breathy quality it took on, and she nodded.
“I know.” She did. She knew that he wouldn’t take anything she wasn’t willing to give, but she wanted to give him everything. She didn’t hesitate to return her mouth to his, her lips slotting into place as if they were made to kiss his, and brought her hands to slip beneath the hem of his t-shirt.
“You sure?” He wanted her consent, enthusiastic and unwavering, and she gave it to him without a second thought. A simple ‘yes’ and he nodded, his own thoughts disappearing as he crowded into her again and dipped his hands beneath the hem of her dress.
She wore another sundress, another vibrant blue that he loved to see, and they were both thankful for her forethought as his fingers brushed her panties. Her mind was clouded with lust and an overwhelming feeling of happiness, a joy she’d never felt in a situation like this, and she let it drown out everything else - the worry that someone might catch them, the fear that this would embed Calum in her heart and make it that much harder for her to let him go when it came time for her to leave - as she focused on the feeling of Calum’s hands against her skin and his lips against her own.
Her own hands brushed over his stomach, her nails lightly scraping his skin, and she grinned as she felt his stomach contract under her touch. She was glad to know that she had just as much of an effect on him as he had on her. With every sharp gasp, with every shaky breath, with every low hum of pleasure, she felt her own pleasure grow greater. His hands were steady, pleasantly rough from years of surfing, and they captured her full attention as he slipped his fingers beneath the band of her panties and brushed her folds.
“Please, Calum.” Her voice was breathless, eager and just as fucked as she felt, and she barely recognized it as she waited for him to move.
She wanted him, all of him, and he didn’t have to be told twice as he shifted his jeans down just enough to free himself and rolled a condom onto his length. Calum surrounded her, overwhelming her senses in the most pleasant way, and she felt her eyes slip shut and her mouth drop open in a silent moan as he entered her.
They let themselves express everything they’d kept quiet over the three weeks they’d danced around one another in their kisses and in the brushing of hands against skin. Everything she’d wanted to tell him, every worry she’d had and every wish she’d made, seemed to be conveyed with every brush of her lips against his.
Every movement of his hips, every thrust he made, he returned the gesture and conveyed the thoughts he’d been keeping to himself. They let themselves be vulnerable, open and honest, and she felt such a heavy storm of emotions that catching her breath seemed impossible.
Her release crashed over her, a wave of feeling hitting her and leaving her seeing stars, and she dug her fingers into Calum’s shoulders as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. A sharp gasp left her lips as she came, an intake of breath followed by a moan of Calum’s name, and he followed suit with a moan of his own.
They remained locked in an embrace, his hands moving to her cheeks while hers looped around his neck, as they caught their breath. The sounds of their breath mingled with the crashing of waves and the far off sounds of their friends and others like them but Evie wouldn’t have traded her little slice of heaven for anything as Calum shifted away from her and straightened his clothes before helping her with her own. He settled onto the rock beside her, his arm around her shoulders, and smiled as she leaned into his side.
There was far too much for them to discuss, too many words that felt better left unsaid but needed to be brought out into the open, but neither of them wanted to destroy the bubble they’d built. Just as they’d done in the weeks leading up to this moment, they stayed quiet.
There would be another day, another time to decide where to go from here, so they settled for just enjoying the moment as it came and left it uncomplicated for yet another day.
************************
Following the night at the beach, Calum and Evie remained in a sort of limbo. They were happy, enjoying their time together and more connected than they had been before, but both knew that they needed to have a conversation about where they were going to go from there. They knew that they needed to talk about what they wanted and what would happen, that it needed to be spoken aloud, but neither could make themselves begin the conversation.
Were they dating? Were they friends with benefits? Was there more to them than a summer fling? Would they try to keep contact when Evie left? They both wondered these things but neither dared speak these questions aloud. Things were good, happy and easy, so neither wanted to complicate their joy with talk of feelings. Feelings were messy, hard and unpredictable, and either wanted anything more than happiness.
Weeks passed with their feelings left undisclosed, shared only in kisses and touches but never in concrete words, and their lives grew more and more intertwined. Where you found one, you could likely find the other. They spent their days skating and surfing, Evie cheering Calum on as he grew more confident in street skating and him returning the favor as she grew steadier on a surfboard. Their nights were spent at Jack’s, Evie trying her hand at making judgements based on drink orders, or in Evie’s bedroom at Dahlia’s. They were official in every way that mattered, partners in every sense of the word, only they had no idea what to say should anyone ask.
Despite that, despite the lingering uncertainty and the unspoken questions, Calum felt his heart swell with happiness with every moment he spent with her.
Her walls dropped the longer they knew one another and every fear she had, every worry she’d been harboring about her future, spilled past her lips in late night conversations held on the beach. They laid together, intertwined on a blanket as they listened to the crashing waves, and Calum felt himself surrendering to her parts of his past he’d never laid bare for anyone else. He told her about goals that he let go of and dreams that were shattered. He disclosed dreams that still lingered, far off and covered in cobwebs as he never allowed himself to consider them, and fell harder for her with every encouraging word that spilled past her lips.
They pushed one another, both desperate for the other to be happy and live the life they deserved, and he didn’t know how he’d gone so long without her. She was like the sun, bright and warm, and he’d been stuck in the dark for far too long.
Calum felt his chest tighten with his overwhelming affection for her - could he call it love when it had only been two months? No, that would be absurd - as he watched her sip her drink and watch the crowd that swarmed the bar. They were in Jack’s, surrounded by people, but he only had eyes for her.
She’d grown more comfortable with her alcohol intake, had gotten used to drinking a little more than she had when she first arrived, and he once commented that he’d been right. She could drink them all under the table if she chose to do so and she seemed to be well on her way - or maybe she just didn’t realize how much she was drinking - as she downed another of his specialty drinks.
She’d convinced him to have a few drinks with her, not enough to impair his skills and not enough to draw the ire of his boss, and he felt a pleasant warmth color his cheeks as she turned her head and smiled at him.
“What’re you looking at?” Her voice was quiet in the din of the bar but he heard every word clearly. She was grinning, a smile that told him she knew exactly what he’d been looking at, and he returned it as he wiped at the counter where a customer beside her had spilled a bit of his drink.
“My girl.” It was his standard answer, safe enough for her to know he wanted her just as much as she wanted him without calling her his girlfriend, and it made her blush every time. Her cheeks flushed a pretty pink, a color that he loved to see on her, and she shook her head as she turned her gaze to the drink in front of her.
“When does your shift end?” She always changed the subject when he got too soft about their relationship, whatever it was, but this time he imagined it was less her desire to avoid talking about where they stood and more her alcohol-addled brain pushing her thoughts in a million different directions. “I got something I want to show you.”
“Is it as good as the last surprise you had for me?” The week before, he’d come home after a shift - one of the very few he’d spent without her in weeks - to find her lying in his bed. She wore nothing but blue lace and a smile and it was the best surprise - save for the skates she’d given him that night on the beach - he’d gotten in years.
“Mm, no.” She laughed at the exaggerated disappointment that made him shake his head and he grinned as she downed the rest of her drink. “But I do think you’ll like it. Maybe not as much but in a different way.”
“My shift ends in about an hour. You want another or are you done for the night?” He knew her answer, she had yet to get completely drunk and always stopped just shy of hammered, but he reveled in the delighted surprise on her face when he placed the correct drink, always a glass of water, in front of her. She looked at him with wide eyes, amazed that he’d gotten it right so quickly, and he always accepted the kiss on the cheek she gave him after.
For the remainder of his shift, she sat and nursed her water. He could feel her gaze on him whenever he moved, her bright eyes sparkling with the same affection he felt, and he shot her a wink or a smile whenever he had the chance to look away from whatever customer he was serving. He rarely worked a single shift but he was glad he had the chance to take one as his co-worker, a pretty brunette named Sierra that Luke had started falling for, entered the bar and grinned at him.
“Don’t look so excited to leave, Cal,” she teased as she tugged on her apron and glanced at the list of open tabs over his shoulder. It was longer than normal and she frowned. “Busy night?”
“Kind of. Mostly locals and a table of frat boys on the patio. I’ve got better shit to do with my night than hang out here.” He and Sierra both glanced at Evie. She sat in her seat, playing with the straw in her drink and dancing to the song that they could only vaguely make out over the noise, and he smiled as he watched her.
“Happy looks good on you, Cal.” He was always surprised when people noticed a difference in him but Sierra wasn’t the first person to comment on his change in demeanor. He was happier more often now that Evie was in his life, the past traumas and lingering darkness he had yet to share with her no longer weighing as heavily on his chest, and he briefly wondered if that happiness would fade when she left.
However, before he could lose himself in the darkness, he shot Sierra a smile that he hoped didn’t look forced and nodded when he brushed past her. “It feels good.” And it did. He had to work at it, try his best to keep the darkness from blotting it out, but it felt better than anything ever had.
“Ready to go?” After Evie said goodbye to Sierra, Calum guided her out of Jack’s and tossed his arm over her shoulders as they wandered the streets leading to the beach. His surprise was waiting for them there and he couldn’t even begin to think of what she might’ve done as they descended the stairs and he held her close to keep her from falling over.
When they reached the section of beach that they jokingly referred to as theirs, she grinned at him. “Wait right there. Close your eyes, okay?” He made a show of closing his eyes and placed his hands over them when she tapped her foot impatiently against the sand. Her giggle made him grin and he waited patiently for her to give him permission to open his eyes. “Okay. You can look!”
He opened his eyes to find her blocked from view by a surfboard, one that looked alarmingly familiar, and he felt his brows furrow in confusion as he stared at it. It looked exactly like his old one, one that had been destroyed the day his dreams died, and he had no idea where she got it or if she knew what it meant to him.
“D’you like it? I can’t take all the credit. Ash had it in his shop and said he’s been working on it for you. I helped paint it but that’s about it. They wouldn’t let me use any of the tools. He said it was important to you and that it was your first board. I told him he should give it to you but he wanted me to do it so…” She trailed off, aware of his lack of response, and poked her head out from behind the board to get a look at him.
He didn’t speak, he wasn’t sure that he could, as he took the board from her hands and ran his fingers over the refinished surface. It looked so familiar yet so different from the last time he’d seen it. The cracks were gone, the lines and scratches from where he wiped out time and time again, but the biggest difference was that it was whole again. The lat time he’d seen it, it was broken into two pieces and lying discarded on the sand as he coughed up water and listened to the wail of sirens as an ambulance took one of his friends, another surfer that had been like a brother to him and Luke, away. He was fifteen at the time, scared shitless and broken beyond repair when his brother left the hospital in a hearse, and the board served as a reminder of everything he wanted to forget.
It was a reminder of the darkness that lingered in his chest and he wanted to be grateful for such a thoughtful gift but he couldn’t bring himself to choke out the words of thanks that he knew she was hoping for. He wanted to drop the board in the sand and tell her just how badly the accident fucked with his head but he couldn’t do anything except stare at the board in his hands.
“I… I get it if you hate it. Ash said it might not be a good idea to give it to you but he wouldn’t tell me why. And Luke got this look in his eye but didn’t say anything so maybe I misread everything. I’m sorry. I brought another board, a different one, if you still want to surf. I know it’s late but there’s enough light for one trip out. We didn’t get to go this morning and it doesn’t feel like a complete day without it.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His voice was quiet and she looked sad when he finally looked at her. “You’ve had too much to drink and neither of us are in our bathing suits. We’ll go in the morning.”
He completely ignored the board, not acknowledging the elephant on the beach at all, and she bit her lip in contemplation as she stared at him. “I’m okay. And I’m wearing my bathing suit. I have yours but if you don’t want to go in, that’s fine. Maybe you can just watch from here? I won’t go out far.”
“Don’t be stupid fucking, Evie. You’re barely able to stand on a board in daylight, sober. You’ll fucking kill yourself if you go out here drunk in the dark. Come on, I’ll take you back to Dahlia’s.” It was harsher than he’d ever been with her, he knew that, but he was rattled at seeing the board and being reminded of something he was finally starting to forget. He could see the look on her face, a look of disappointment and a flash of anger, and he knew that it was only made worse by the alcohol she’d consumed.
“I’m not being stupid and I don’t want to go home. You can go if you want but I’m going to get in the water. Leave the board, I’ll take it back to Ash and he can put it in storage or something.” She was being childish, petulant that she didn’t get her way, and Calum was reminded of the girl he’d imagined she would be before he met her.
She was the L.A. brat who pouted when she didn’t get her way but he knew that wasn’t her. She was only acting out because she felt slighted, hurt by his lack of communication and his sudden shift in mood, and he moved to apologize. His hand brushed her exposed shoulder and he frowned as she shrugged him off. “Don’t touch me.” She nudged him away and tugged off her dress, exposing the neon green bikini he was so fond of.
“Seriously, Evie, don’t be an idiot. Yell at me or give me the silent treatment but do it on land and we’ll talk about this in the morning.” He reached for her again, determined to stop her from going out into the water, but she dodged his hand and grabbed her own board.
He thought about chasing after her, he knew that he should have, but he just stood and watched as she ran into the water. He kept his eyes on her, annoyance surging through him at her sudden decision to be rebellious, and wondered if this would be their first - and possibly last - fight. It was stupid, something that should have never even come up, and he knew that they were both overreacting. He needed to tell her exactly what the board meant to him and why he reacted the way he had but she also needed to understand that he was serious and concerned for her safety.
He understood that she was getting the freedom she’d always wanted and making decisions for herself but that decision didn’t need to be a life ending one.
True to her word, she didn’t go out farther than she had the very first time she’d gone surfing, but it was still deep enough to worry him. He could see the neon of her bikini in the dark, bright against the blackness of the ocean, and he was grateful for it in a very different way as it helped him keep track of her. There were few waves and he hoped that she would give up, her tipsy brain would realize it was stupid and that she would come back to shore before she could even try to surf, but he could see the waves forming and knew that she was going to try and ride it.
He was surprised when she managed to stand on her board and ride the wave, her footing steady and her form better than he’d seen it, and felt a wave of relief wash over him as she began moving closer. But before he could relax entirely, he watched her fall into the water. It was as if time slowed as he waited for her to emerge from the water. He wanted her to pop up and grin at him, happy that she’d done such a brilliant job right up until the end, but seconds passed and she was nowhere to be seen.
He knew that she would never try to scare him, not really, and that she was a strong swimmer. However, her abilities were impaired and it was dark. There was no telling what happened to her when she fell and he didn’t stop to think as he rushed into the water. He only paused to throw his phone into the sand, should he need it, before he went searching for her.
He swam to the spot he thought he’d last seen her and dove, his arms sweeping the water as he tried his hardest to find her. His own lungs burned from the lack of oxygen and he couldn’t imagine what she must be thinking - if she was still thinking anything at all - as he swam to the surface to inhale a breath of air. He called her name, hopeful that she had surfaced, but when he was met with silence, he dove back down.
He wasn’t a big believer in miracles but when his hands hit something warm and solid, he prayed that he’d been on the receiving end of one. He gripped what he was glad to discover was her arm and tugged, pulling her up and out of the water. She was limp, not breathing, and he struggled to get her to the shore. When he finally dragged her into the sand, he hoped beyond hope that he hadn’t been too late and used the CPR they’d all learned after the fatal accident to try and keep her with him.
The time that passed between him starting CPR and her coughing up lungfuls of water was only seconds but it felt like decades as he waited for her to come back to him. When she did, he breathed a sigh of relief and dropped his head as she groaned. She was clearly disoriented, uncertain as to what happened, and he didn’t know if he wanted to shake her or kiss her. Instead of doing either, he reached for his phone and called Dahlia to let her know what happened.
The ride to the hospital was a blur, with Ashton and Dahlia questioning him and Evie groaning as she laid in his lap. She would be fine physically, he knew that, and if anyone could bounce back from nearly drowning, it would be her. However, he didn’t know how he felt.
He’d had a flashback to one of the worst days of his life, watching one of his best friends die on the beach, and he had feared the same thing was going to happen to the girl he loved. He knew it, that he was in love with her, and it scared the hell out of him. He was going to lose her in a few weeks and the future he’d been afraid of suddenly felt all too real. It was all pressing in on him, suffocating, and when Evie was safely in a room with Dahlia by her side, he did something he never thought he’d do again.
He ran.
*************************
Evie woke up with no real recollection of the night before. She felt the vague sense of guilt, a lingering feeling that told her she’d done something wrong, that came with drinking too much but she wasn’t sure why. The more pressing question was why it hurt to breathe and why there was a steady beeping that sounded eerily like a heart monitor.
Her fears were confirmed when she spotted the white walls of a hospital room and the telltale monitor by her bedside. She had a hospital bracelet wrapped around her wrist and bruises on her arms but that told her nothing about the night she’d had. She was alone in her room, unsure of why she was there in the first place, and unsure of what she should do next as she stared down at the bracelet on her wrist.
“Fuck, thank God you’re awake.” Dahlia stepped into the room, a cup of coffee in one hand and a bag with what Evie hoped were clothes for her in the other, and rushed forward when she realized Evie had returned to the land of the living. “What were you thinking? E, that was so fucking stupid. Be glad Calum was there and he’s a strong swimmer. You could’ve died.”
“What happened?” Her night was returning in flashes, she remembered Calum telling her something similar, but she couldn’t piece together what landed her in the hospital. “I remember going to Jack’s but not much else.”
“You got drunk and tried to go surfing in the dark. What the fuck possessed you to do that?” Dahlia didn’t hide her disappointment as she dropped the bag that did, in fact, hold Evie’s clothes onto the bed.”Seriously, Evie, do you have a death wish?”
Evie was stunned to hear that she’d done something so reckless. She didn’t think she was that drunk, she didn’t remember drinking enough to make her do something so stupid, but apparently she had been. “No. Fuck, I don’t know. I…” She trailed off, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she tried to remember exactly what had driven her into the ocean, and found her memory of the night returning in more solid fragments. “We didn’t get to surf yesterday. I wanted to make up for it. I gave him a board Ash has been fixing for him and he called me stupid. I don’t know why I went into the water when he wouldn’t but I felt like I had to. It felt really important.”
“Everything feels really important when you’re hammered, you moron. Fuck, how do you feel?” Dahlia softened as she watched Evie rub at her chest, the soreness of her body hitting her as she tried to talk, and she reached out to grab the cup of water the nurse had brought by.
“I’m fine. Feel like I got hit by a truck but I’m assuming I almost drowned and that’s why.”
“The doctor said you’d be sore for a bit. But there was no lasting damage.” Ashton stepped into the room, a soft smile that she had never seen him wear on his lips, and stood behind Dahlia as he ran his hand along her shoulders. “You got lucky, Evie.”
“Yeah.” She paused, examining both Ashton and Dahlia, before she glanced around the room for any sign that Calum had been there. She worried that she’d made him angry, that she’d hurt him more than she meant to - she hadn’t meant to hurt him at all -, and when she didn’t spot any sign of him, she frowned. “Where’s Cal?”
Ashton and Dahlia exchanged a look that she didn’t like but Dahlia was the one to tell her, “He left.”
“Left? Where’d he go?” Evie knew that he was likely furious and that she’d probably scared him more than she realized but for him to not be there when she awoke was disappointing. She felt her heart sink and couldn’t stop herself from slumping against the pillows as she waited for Dahlia or Ashton to explain.
They both remained silent for a moment, neither sure what to tell her, and she almost asked again but when Dahlia looked at her, when she met her eyes and shot her a look that was full of both disappointment and pity, Evie remained silent herself.
“What happened when you gave him the board? I found it on the beach near your clothes.” Ashton was curious but Evie could tell there was something more behind his question.
“He didn’t say anything. He just got quiet and stared at it. I told him I’d give it back to you and let you store it somewhere and then he told me that I could barely surf in daylight so it was stupid to go out at night and then I went into the water. He kind of looked like he saw a ghost when he stared at it. I don’t get why he freaked out about it. It’s just a board.”
The whole thing was, to her, out of character for him. He was reserved, only sharing pieces of his past when she asked, but he talked to her. He told her what he was thinking and didn’t hesitate anymore to let her in. He had secrets, she knew that, but she’d been under the impression that he would have told her if something were really wrong. But she’d only known him for two months. How much could you really get to know someone in such a short period of time?
“That was his first board.” Ashton shifted uncomfortably, his arms folded over his chest as he looked away from both her and Dahlia, and Evie realized that Dahlia wasn’t in on the secret either. “I hadn’t known them long, a few months, maybe? We were friends but not like we are now. He and Luke had another friend, Alex, who was like a brother to them. They were out one day, trying out bigger waves and just fucking around, but it was a bad day for surfing. There was a storm and the waves were shit. They wouldn’t listen to anyone telling them to come in, though. And before someone could go out and get them, they both went down. It was bad, nothing I’d ever seen before. There were pieces of board floating back to shore and people scrambling to get out to them because we knew they’d at least be injured if they came up on their own. Cal nearly drowned and Alex did.”
“Fuck, no one ever told me that.” Dahlia was the first to speak, her surprise evident as she glanced over her shoulder at Ashton. “I mean, I never would’ve guessed. Cal still surfs and no one has ever mentioned anything about Alex.”
“It was a rough time and they just wanted to forget it. It’s why they both stuck around here. Cal started playing soccer with Alex and he was good. He was getting scouted, probably would’ve gotten a scholarship, but after Alex died, he stopped playing. He stopped doing everything, really. You remember what he was like when you first met him.”
When Evie frowned and Dahlia nodded, Dahlia turned her attention to Evie and explained, “He was reserved, quiet. Not really in on the joke or a part of the group. He was just… here. Like, now he’s funny and goofy but it’s taken time. I thought he was just warming up to me.” She turned to Ashton and asked, “When he disappeared, it wasn’t just him working a lot, was it?”
“No. He ran away after Alex died. He disappeared for two weeks and, honestly, none of us ever asked where he went. We figured he’d tell us if he wanted to and he never did. But for a while, he’d just… run. Every few months, we’d wake up and Cal was gone. Sometimes Mali, his sister, went with him. Sometimes he went on his own. But he always came back after a few days and never wanted to talk about it. He hasn’t run in a little over a year so we figured he was getting better. I shouldn’t have let you give him the board. I just figured since he’s been so happy with you, it might not be as hard on him.”
To say that Evie was stunned would have been an understatement. Calum told her that he’d played soccer and that he’d wanted to play in college but he hadn’t told her why that dream had fallen through. He told her that plans had changed and that his future was no longer as set in stone as he’d wanted it to be but, again, he hadn’t told her why. And she was more concerned with happiness, with keeping things light and easy, than with getting the full story. She wanted a carefree summer and asking what destroyed his future wasn’t exactly part of the plan so she’d kept her questions to herself and enjoyed the kisses he gave her to distract her from prying.
“It’s fitting that we found each other.”
Ashton was confused, unsure of what she meant, but the look on Dahlia’s face told Evie that she understood. Evie could see the subtle shake of her head, a cue for Ashton not to ask, and she was grateful. She didn’t want to talk about it, she didn’t want to talk at all. Her throat felt raw and there was a feeling of unease washing over her. It was as if the entire thing was a bad dream, something she would wake up from, and she wondered where exactly Calum had run to and when he would return.
However, in the three weeks she spent in town after Calum disappeared, she never got an answer. Not that she expected one. Dahlia told her that none of the guys knew and she believed them. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t left wondering. She thought about it, late at night when she laid awake in bed. She spent the three weeks she had left in Dahlia’s guest bedroom reflecting on her relationship with Calum.
It wasn’t love, she knew that, but it was the closest she’d ever gotten. He’d felt like a missing piece, a part of her life that she hadn’t known she needed until she found him, and she wondered how she was supposed to return to her life with the knowledge that he was out there somewhere, just waiting for her to find him. But she couldn’t dwell, she wouldn’t let herself.
When the three weeks were up and she was due to return to L.A. to prepare for her final year of university, she went back to the beach for the first time since she nearly drowned. She hadn’t left Dahlia’s house much, only to take a walk around the block when she got stir crazy, and hadn’t put on her skates since she left the hospital. She didn’t really feel like it, not when she had gotten used to skating with Calum, and packed up her skates before she packed anything else.
When she packed up her room, she left a box on her bed full of things that reminded of her Calum. She wanted to take the polaroids, the few photo booth pictures they’d taken on the boardwalk, the stuffed dog he won her at a carnival, but she knew that they would only hurt to look at down the road. She didn’t regret falling for Calum, not even as she felt her heart break over when she looked at a photo of them sitting on the boardwalk as Calum attempted to lace his skates for the first time, but she wondered if she still would’ve fallen had she known what she was signing up for.
They were more alike than they were different, she realized that now, and she wondered if that was what drew her to him in the first place. They were two sides of the same coin and even if she tried to deny it, she loved him enough to hold him in her heart. He would remain there, a question of what could’ve been that she feared she would never be able to answer, and she hoped she would remain in his heart. She wished she would’ve abandoned her dream of a carefree summer and let herself delve deeper into feelings and thoughts and emotions with Calum but she didn’t regret any of it.
And any time she had a vodka pineapple, she knew that she would think of him.
*****************
EPILOGUE - 1 Year Later (May)
“Dolly, I really wish I could have made it but I had an exam at four. I wouldn’t have gotten in before the party was over. I’m sorry.”
Evie stood at the edge of Dahlia and Ashton’s backyard, just far enough from the noise for it to go unnoticed on the phone but close enough to see some of the partygoers as she waited, and bit her lip to hide her grin as she waved at Ashton. Unsurprisingly, he looked shocked to see her and didn’t bother to hide his own grin as Dahlia’s shoulders slumped in disappointment.
“No, that’s okay. School comes first. I get it.” She heard Dahlia heave a heavy sigh as she held her finger up to her lips as a signal for Ashton to keep quiet. He nodded and placed a reassuring hand on Dahlia’s shoulder as she said, “But you’ll have to come up soon. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too, D. You’ll see me soon, I promise.” It was hard, standing back and waiting for the perfect moment to surprise her cousin when she hadn’t seen her in nearly a year, but Evie lingered near the sidewalk as she spoke with Dahlia.
“I better. I need a hug.” Dahlia went quiet for a second, seemingly hesitating, and Evie knew what she was going to ask before the words left her lips. “Is this about…?”
Calum.
Dahlia never said his name, she never asked how Evie felt after her summer with Calum that ended in heartbreak and no real closure, and Evie had been glad at first. She hadn’t wanted to talk about it, she hadn’t felt the need to talk about it, but when she got home to an empty apartment and an overwhelming amount of school work, everything she repressed started to bubble to the surface. So when the nightmares started, she’d talked it out with her therapist.
And she was fine.
“No, D. I really have been busy.” It wasn’t a lie. She was two weeks away from graduation and it seemed like every deadline was hitting her right at the same time. But she couldn’t miss her cousin’s engagement party, not when she had been promised the maid of honor job practically the moment Ashton proposed, so she busted her ass to finish what she could and shoved whatever books she would need into her bag to finish her paper before driving back to the city on Sunday.
The thought of seeing Calum hadn’t even crossed her mind.
“Good. Well, I’ll let you get back to it. I love you, E.”
“Love you, too, D.”
Evie ended the call and pocketed her phone before she took a deep breath and stared at the new home Dahlia and Ashton shared. It was beautiful, a dream home for the both of them, and she was glad. They deserved happiness, they deserved one another, and she was proud that they were getting their happy ending.
She scanned the faces she could see milling about the backyard and she spotted all of the friends she’d somewhat kept in touch with since leaving. She hadn’t meant to let her relationship with them all fall away but with her schedule and the awkwardness that came with avoiding the subject of Calum - something they all did, whether consciously or not - they had tapered off and she wondered how they would react to seeing her again. Luke was the first person she spotted, his arms wrapped around Sierra with a grin on his lips as he laughed at his own joke. Then there was Michael, standing with his arm around Crystal’s shoulders and shaking his head at whatever terrible joke had obviously left Luke’s lips. Dahlia and Ashton were there, too, looking more in love than ever and beaming with joy as they were surrounded by friends and family.
She and Calum were the only noticeable absences.
She knew that he was back in town, or he had been, anyway. He returned not long after she left and she knew that he’d finally told Ashton, at least, where he went when he disappeared and exactly why he ran. But no one ever told her and she wasn’t going to ask them to. It wasn’t their place, it wasn’t her place, so she left it alone. Dahlia didn’t mention him and she didn’t ask. Whenever they spoke and she heard Calum’s voice in the background, she noticed that Dahlia left the room or made an excuse to end the call. She imagined they were trying to protect her but she didn’t need protecting.
She was fine.
She repeated that to herself as she weaved through the crowd in the backyard. It reminded her of the party Dahlia had thrown her almost a year before and she wondered how time had flown that fast. A part of her missed that, before she knew what the rest of the summer would hold, but she still didn’t regret it. It was, all things considered, still the best summer she’d ever had and she was grateful for it as she made eye contact with Luke and shot him a bright grin.
He realized what she was trying to do, who she was there for, and kept quiet as she approached their group. But the smile he wore was enough proof that regardless of her own disappearing act, she hadn’t been forgotten. Michael spotted Evie next and Crystal had to keep him from blurting out her name. And by the time she was behind Dahlia, everyone knew that she was there except her cousin and they all watched expectantly as she reached out and tapped her on the shoulder.
She looked different, a far cry from the Evie she had been when they’d last seen her, and Dahlia had to pause to take it all in. Her hair was cut short, a blunt shoulder length style that made her cry when she first chopped it, and she wore an outfit that was mostly black rather than her typical bright colors but the smile that she wore was entirely Evie.
After a pause, Dahlia launched herself at Evie and wrapped her arms around her tight. She was glad to see her, surprised and thrilled and overwhelmed, and Evie could tell as Dahlia wiped at her cheeks. “You little shit. That was so mean, I was so sad!”
“You should’ve known better, D. There was no way I could miss this.” Evie laughed as Dahlia continued to wipe at her cheeks and shook her head before turning her attention to Ashton. “Congratulations, guys. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks, Evie. I’m glad you could make it.” She’d proposed the idea to Ashton weeks ago but hadn’t been completely sold on it until that morning. It was a last minute decision, an impulsive act that she normally wouldn’t have undertaken, and she could see that he was glad she’d finally settled on coming. “We all missed you.”
She heard murmurs of agreement from the group as they all piled in on her and she laughed as arms wrapped around her. She patted whoever she could reach, though she wasn’t sure who she was returning the affection to, and laughed as someone tugged at her hair.
No one addressed the obvious elephant in the room as they all grinned and caught up. No one mentioned Calum as they asked her what she’d been up to. Everyone congratulated her when she told them she was headed to Stanford in the fall and expressed their sorrow when she sheepishly admitted she hadn’t gone skating in months - she wasn’t going to tell them but she’d tried, when she got back to L.A., and found that it had lost some of its joy. But no one lingered on the sad when they all began sharing happy news of their own. Michael and Crystal were also engaged, Luke and Sierra had moved in together and had gotten a dog named Petunia - one she gleefully accepted the invitation to come meet -, and everyone was moving on with their lives.
They all seemed to content, so happy with their places in life, and she was happy for them. But she felt as if she wasn’t a real part of the conversation as she’d missed so much and excused herself to go get a drink when she’d finally had enough of being on the periphery of conversation.
There was an actual bar at their new home, near the pool, and she was almost disappointed that she didn’t see Calum behind it. But that disappointment was replaced by confusion as she sat down and a drink was placed in front of her before she could order. It was a vodka pineapple, still her drink of choice, and she stared at it with a frown on her lips.
“You don’t really look like a vodka pineapple girl anymore but I figured it was still your drink.”
Evie had imagined seeing Calum again. She imagined how she would react and what exactly would happen and in every situation, she saw herself uttering some witty quip or maybe a simple response to whatever he had to say to her - if he had anything to say at all. But she never imagined she would freeze. Hearing his voice was like a shot of ice water through her veins and she found herself unable to move as she felt him moving closer to her.
She kept her eyes on the drink in front of her, watching as drops of condensation rolled down the sides, and tensed as he leaned against the bar beside her. It was strange, feeling anything but ease around Calum, but she felt almost hollow as she waited for him to speak again. And when he did, she realized that she wasn’t as fine as she thought she was.
“I’m sorry I ran, Evie.”
“It doesn’t matter.” It did, it mattered more than she was willing to admit. “Water under the bridge now.”
Calum had always been able to read her better than anyone she’d ever met. He could see through her smiles, pinpoint the exact emotion behind her words, and this time was no different. He knew her better than she knew herself, even if he’d only known her for a few months, and she heard him breathe a deep sigh as he lifted his own drink to take a sip.
“Ash told you what he knew, right?” She didn’t respond, didn’t indicate that she’d even heard him, but that didn’t stop him. “I shouldn’t have run. But everything was overwhelming. When Alex died, running was easier than facing it. And every time I started thinking too much, running let me get it out of my head. I always went to this spot a few towns over. There’s a beach there that’s the perfect place to surf. I’d sit on the shore and watch the waves and just forget about my life for a little while. It kept me from doing something stupid.”
Evie didn’t know what he wanted her to say. She didn’t know what she wanted to say. So she sipped her drink and kept silent as Calum rolled on.
“When I met you, I was getting better at controlling my emotions. I could distract myself a little easier. Falling in love with you was a good distraction, too. It was more than just a distraction but it made things easier. And when you almost drowned, I… I don’t know. Something snapped and I couldn’t deal. I shouldn’t have left but I couldn’t stay.”
“I really don’t know what you want me to say, Calum. I’m sorry about Alex. I know that there’s a lot of trauma left and that it was hard on you. I’m sorry that I was being an idiot and that I put myself, and you, in that position. I shouldn’t have done that and I haven’t stepped foot in the water since that day. But beyond that, I don’t really know what else we have to talk about.”
There was a lot left to talk about. She caught it when he said he’d fallen in love with her, she caught it when he said that being with her made things easier. But that was a year ago and they couldn’t change the year and the miles that separated them.
“I missed you.”
She wasn’t expecting that and she lifted her head to glance at him. He looked different, just as she did. His bleach blonde locks were gone and replaced by a buzzcut. But when she met his eyes for the first time in nearly a year, her Calum was shimmering beneath the surface.
“You don’t have to tell me you missed me, too. I just… I just wanted you to know. Dahlia told me you got into Stanford. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” She hesitated, unsure of whether she should tell him that no one would tell her what he was up to, but ultimately decided that she wanted to keep the conversation going. “What have you been up to?”
He looked surprised that she was willingly talking to him but his lips quirked into a barely there grin as he watched her sip her drink. “I was saving up to move to L.A. but I changed my mind. I, um, I’m saving up to buy Jack’s.”
“You want to buy Jack’s?” Evie was surprised, to say the least. The last time she’d talked to him, Calum couldn’t wait to leave so to hear that he was actively planning to stay confused her.
Calum shrugged, a small smile on his lips as he brought his hand to the back of his neck. “I’ve been there for a while now and I love it. I like bartending more than anything else I’ve tried and I’ve learned to be happy here. I’m learning to be happy in general.”
“That’s good, then. I know that you love Jack’s so it’ll be in good hands with you at the helm.”
The conversation tapered off, neither of them sure what to say, and Evie felt her stomach churn at the silence. It was awkward and she hadn’t felt like this around him since they first met. But she didn’t know what else there was to be said. She wanted to ask him if he thought of her, if he regretted leaving, if he still loved her. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Calum, however, spoke without her needing to. “Can we start over? Even if we can’t go back to what we were, can we at least be friends? We’re going to be seeing each other again. I’m Ash’s best man.”
She stared at him, unsure of what she wanted and if she even wanted to talk to him outside of the wedding, and watched as he gave her the most hopeful glance she’d seen from him. So she nodded. “I’m Evie.” She held out her hand, much as she had the day they met, and offered him a small but sincere smile.
“Calum.” He grasped her hand in his, still warm and reigniting the flurry of butterflies in the pit of her stomach that she believed was long gone, and lingered as he said, “Nice to meet you.”
The glow of the golden hour, the light that made Calum look even more beautiful than he already was, washed over them both as they stood in Dahlia and Ashton’s backyard. The world around them ceased to exist and it was like the day they met all over again. Evie didn’t know what the future held for them, or if there was a future for them at all, but that was fine.
There were still questions, still moments of hurt and anger and things she needed to work through, but the answers would come in time. And everything was fine.
_______________________________
Author’s Note: I have no idea what this is. But I hope you like it. It took two weeks and I’m very tired.
Tag List (like this post or message me if you want to be added!): @toolazymyguy , @irwinkitten , @jamieebabiee , @glittersluke , @spicycal , @lusbaby , @everyscarisahealingplace, @brokenvirtualheartcollector , @if-it-rains-it-pours, @blisshemmings , @calumscalm , @lovemenowseemenever , @ijustreallylovezebras , @rhiannonmichelle, @p0laroidpictures , @tomscuddles , @loverofmineluke , @harrytreatspeoplewithkindnesss , @blueviiolence , @loveroflrh , @empathycth , @luckyduckydoo , @tobefalling , @bandsandbooksaremykink , @watch-how-she-burns , @megz1985, @wokeupinaustralia , @lucidlrh , @canterburyfiction , @cal-is-not-on-branding , @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o , @jaacknaano , @findingliam-o , @mindkaleidoscope , @idk-who-i-am-anymore1 , @sammyrenae68 , @flowerthug , @calumsphile , @caitdaniels, @drummerboy794 , @writingfortoomanyfandoms , @x-lover-of-mine-x , @miliefayy , @sunaaii , @canterburyfiction , @sebrox40 , @nati-nn , @opheliaaurora23 , @bitterbethany , @sunnysidesblog , @333-xx
#calum hood smut#calum hood imagine#calum hood imagines#5 seconds of summer smut#5sos smut#5 seconds of summer imagine#5 seconds of summer imagines#5sos imagine#5sos imagines#5sos fanfiction#5sos stories#5sos fanfic#5 seconds of summer fanfic#5 seconds of summer fanfiction#5 seconds of summer preferences#5 seconds of summer preference#calum hood fanfic#calum hood fanfiction#calum hood preference#calum hood x oc#calum hood angst#calum hood au#surfer!calum#5sos au#5 seconds of summer au#5sos angst
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Weighted
A/N @zbops for you bb as per your request. I hope that this lives up to at least half of your expectations. Thank you so much for supporting me and for encouraging me. Enjoy it and may it help you just a bit more. I send my love XOXO Kitten 💋
It was not unlike you to occasionally stay up late into the night. Late enough to see the moon rise high in the inky black sky watching the constellations move by at a lazy pace.
But to lie awake long enough to greet the sun was abnormal.
At least it was supposed to be abnormal now. Before it was your normal to lose sleep as fat droplets slid from unblinking eyes. Thoughts consuming you with nothing and everything at once.
You thought yourself better.
Not cured, not immune, but well.
Fine and level headed for once.
Yet here you lie again unable to will your exhausted body to sleep as you replay failures from pasted years.
Like an old film one must study to improve but every time it is rewatched another haunting flaw jumps out.
And there is nothing you can do to right your wrong.
Frustrated tears well in your eyes now as you watch the clock for the second week in a row burn an obnoxious 3 am into your retina.
Furious as you thought you had put this problem in its place. That you had long ago learned how to make your demon small and to lock it away.
As with everything in life it adapted, slipping through the bars of its cage only to find itself looming over you once more. Delighting in your anguish as it exploits the coping mechanism you developed.
Turning it on its head to haunt you, to hurt you. To put you in your place as you thought you did it.
Although it knows this will be enough to pain you, it wants to do more.
Truly a petty being as it steals your voice, worming into your head just to whisper.
"Did you really think a few extra hours of training a day would make a difference? That you would suddenly be sought after as a pro hero? You could barely get an apprenticeship and look at how you're failing at that!"*
This dredges up your failure from last week, your first offical mission as apprentice.
What was supposed to be a normal patrol quickly unraveled into a full on street brawl.
You aided your hero holding down the perpetrators bodies with your quirk, straining to keep them in place.
There were tenty or so overpowered drug enhanced strength quirks fighting the pull you placed on them.
Your arm pangs now, reminding you of how it threatened to snap beneath the own weight of your quirk.
"Useless." Its laugh echoes in your ear.
Your temper flares, fist smashing the small black box that mocks you with the time before you rise. Dressing into your training clothes, sliding on your weighted vest as your bruises groan against it. You push your already consistent 1.5 times Earth's gravity pull to a consistent 2.5 for now.
Hands grab for your phone and headphones before fumbling to find your key in your amassed returning symptoms. Throwing piles of clothes, books, and homework onto other piles of long neglected items.
Irritation mixed with a twinge of panic sets in as you look for your FOB that accesses not only the gym you are so desperate to use but also it accesses your dorm building as your dorm room key rests on a chain around your neck. Your memory works overtime as you wonder where it could have been placed.
Was it it Kirishima's room?
Or Bakugou's?
Who's room did the three of you spend the night in last?
You cannot remember, time all runs together much like a watercolor painting caught in the rain.
Colors bleed and the world dips into sun bleached greys as you think of the two of them.
Had you even texted either of them good night?
When was the last time you told them you loved them?
You pick up your phone, bloomed bruised hand winking back at you before the phone obliterates into metal and glass confetti at your feet.
"Fuck." You hiss having forgotten that you had the gravitational pull around your hands as well. Damning yourself for being so careless although you are still careless enough to walk over the shrapnel with bare feet.
It is then you find your key FOB lying in the middle of the chaotic room which you snatch greedily before locking your post nuclear bomb room away.
And with that the thoughts of ash blonde and ruby red hair.
You slink on guilty feet in the shadows of the hall, the moon your only witness as you make your way outside.
The air is cool agaisnt your heated skin, hinting that fall is almost over. That winter will be sure to rear its ugly head and harshly at that.
As if to prove a point an icy wind cuts through your skin deep into your bones, you sigh out upping the force on your body.
The gym is a short walk from the dorm, the night caressing you with soft fingers as it guides you to the thick metal door.
A worried gulp echoes back at you as your hand hovers just before the panel. FOB just out of range to be scanned.
Last time a student was on rest probation their key could only work if Sensei scanned theirs as well.
With gritted teeth you bring the key to kiss smooth plastic. For a moment you're sure it will flash red but when it beeps with a flash of glorious green you cannot help the small smile that spreads across your lips.
They must have forgotten to add those restrictions to yours, that or they didn't think you would disobey your physical therapist and other Sensei.
It doesn't take long before you're sweating.
And the more you swing the harder you make the gravitational pull on your body. The floor groans from the pressure as you push the pull towards you beyond limits for a recovering body, 3.5 times Earth's normal pull. Sweat slides down a bruised nape and drips into now stinging eyes.
You do little to alleviate the pain or sweat that is trying so hard to blind you.
Another swing of your weighted fists has your bones creaking, muscles burning while you have half a mind to add more sand to your wrist and ankle bands.
Hell maybe even more to your vest although it presses against your sternum harshly with each step, threatening to snap a rib. You begin to lose the concentration on the areas you want to afflict as the incresed gravitational begins to spread out. The floor groans harder depsite being designed to withstand many powerful quirks.
A hairline fraction fissures through the smooth wood, attempting to snake up the cinderblock wall.
"None of this is going to change anything. You will still be..."
A heated punch hits the dummy hard, causing it to skid but you advance without letting up, snarling.
"Don't fucking say it."
Another hit to the dummy and you've got it cornered agaisnt the wall but still the voice goes on, a smile dancing along its tone as it purrs.
*"Worthless"*
You begin to jab agaisnt the dummy with enough momentum and force that the padding begins to fall away from its "face" revealing unforgiving metal beneath.
Metal that you pound into anyway.
Metal that warps for a moment from being too close to your pull, still your barrage of fists and feet cease to let up.
You follow up a punch with a round house kick increasing the force on your body subconsciously. As you rotate your vest slams heavily into your ribs and an audible crack echoes around the room.
"Fuck!" You huff slamming your foot against the cool surface, the dummy implodes as you land on your feet.
In that moment the room pops from the pressure as you let up the force. The floor creaks, almost breathing as it returns to normal although now heavily warped. Suddenly you feel as light as a feather. As if at any moment you could float up to the ceiling like a lazy balloon only to get tangled in the harsh overhead lights.
Crimson splatters the floor from your knuckles and spit, hand feathering over your ribs. Sliding beneath dampened fabric, smoothing over already bruised skin. You're sure it will only worsen now that you count, one, two.
Three fucking cracked ribs. Your breaths come out in heavy puffs all echoing back to you as you right your self, eyes seeking out another dummy, ignoring the pain begging you to stop.
But feeling pain was better than feeling that weighted void in your chest.
As if you were a super nova that imploded, pulling everything around you into the darkened abyss.
Turning it all into hollowed nothingness.
The first sparring dummy you spy seems to look at you funny, you rear your fist but before it can make contact a growl cuts out.
"You've done enough little one."
His voice dips low, borderline pissed. It is a warning and one you must obey as the air permeates with salted caramel.
But you're in no mood to deal with Katsuki, no mood to be submissive, obedient or anything relative to feeling at all.
Regardless if it's clearly for your own good.
All you wanted, needed, was for everything to fade.
And maybe to black.
But it doesn't instead he advances hand finding your wrist with a sharp grip, that softens only to assess. Turning your wrist this way and that with heated calculating eyes, before he rips off your weighted vest with a growl. Lifting your shirt to reveal blush black painted beneath your smooth skin. His finger prods your ribs and when he counts them in his head he snarls. You watch his muscles twitch as he holds himself. Muscles that had grown twice their size since first year and yet you were left unchanging.
"Training is futile, you'll always be puny."
You rip your wrist free, teeth bared at an already snarling Bakugou.
"Not. Now." You misread his actions beneath the initial rage. He is concerned but all you see is punishment in his eyes
Disappointment.
You look over Katsuki's sculpted shoulder to see Kirishima waiting at the door with glistening ruby eyes that seem to be torn.
Who does he support? How can he defuse this?
"You're fucking hurt." The blonde bites out venom.
"I'm fucking fine. Drop it!" You shove past him slamming your shoulder into his. He wants so badly to reach for you. To yank you back to him so you can look him in his angry scarlet eyes.
"Oh so the blood on the floor means you're fine? Your cracked ribs and bruised to fuck all body means you're fine?!" His temper shows with deadly pops that dance along his skin.
You weight him and Kirishima down gently as you leave, hoping it slows them down long enough for you to return to the safety of your dorm room.
Katuski snarls as he walks with leaded feet, as if walking through mud under the influence of a muscle relaxer. But he and Kirishima have trained with you plenty of times, not to mention they are exposed to your increased pull.
"Maybe we should give them sometime? They are upset, babe." Kirishima offers only to be met with a glowering glare.
"I've tried listening to you, I've tried it your way and look what has happened." A snarl so low that Kirishima feels his gut twist.
"But..."
"But what?" He turns on his lover quickly, "We gave them two weeks of no contact. This is clearly a symptom we need to bisect before they kill themselves over some stupid fucking training."
Kirishima can do nothing but follow as Bakugou stalks you up the steps that you stomp.
You're seething, steam rising from your skin with each heavy breath as your vision blurs between rational thought and white hot rage.
Rage that is always so easy to give into. Especially when your only other option is immobilzing sadness. Before you know it Bakugou is barking at you from the jamb of the door while your ruby haired boyfriend presses gently against his back.
Trying to remind him that his own irate reaction could further the situation, Bakugou feels it but it is lost as you strip to change. You rip the velcro from your wrists, dropping the fifty pounds weights with a harsh thud. The floor rattles the items on your desk and even the window before you move onto the hundred pound weights on your ankles.
Grumbling as you think of your two hundred and fifty pound vest abandoned in the gym. How hard had Bakugou torn it from your strong yet sleek frame?
Would you have to take it to the support class?
You strip your shirt and then your pants as two sets of red eyes gauge different reactions.
Rubies widen, shining with the threat of tears. While blood scarlet narrow with burning, hot, wrath.
Katsuki knew you were bruised, he knew you had those broken ribs and he knew you were set out of rehabilitation probation due to injuries but he did not know the extent of them.
And how the fuck could he? What with you locking yourself away in your room, refusing to text them, refusing to eat the meals cooked and left for you.
Refusing help as you promised you would not do.
Katsuki's warning signs of blowing do not go unnoticed, a strong hand wraps around his hip. Squeezing, hoping to convey the softness the ash blonde so desperately needs.
It works, at least as far as his quirk goes. Bakugou Katsuki could erupt in more than one way.
"What. The. FUCK?!" He goes to take a step in but Kirishima keeps his grip tight. But that does not stop the tongue lashing you get. Bakugou takes a large slow breath, as you once taught him and snorts it out like a dragon.
"You promised you would stop doing this..." His voice, once soothing now grating your last nerve, "You fucking promised, damn it."
Kirishima gives another small squeeze before piping up.
"We are just worried about you, love. Very worried." His voice cracks at the end, causing Katsuki to look over his shoulder.
The tears well faster over dancing garnets.
From the weight of the guilt something in you finally snaps. The room blurs as you subconsciously pull the force to you, items slowly crushing beneath the weight as you lunge for the first thing you can wrap burning hands on.
Your desk chair to which your hurl while screaming
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Your hot headed boyfriend catches the chair with ease, exploding it on impact.
With an angry enough blast that the paint on the ceiling and walls peel.
Oh if Bakugou wasn't pissed at you before he was now.
And not angry over the fact that you've thrown something at him.
But over the simple fact that you were hurting in deadly silence. So badly suffering that you cannot even rationally express yourself anymore.
And more over he is pissed he has let it get this far.
The glass of your window shatters behind you, both from your exertion and his explosion pulling you into the here and now.
The room spirals as quickly as you do, suddenly forgetting how to breath. Gasping as a fish does out of water before you fall to your knees. The two men rush to you, fearing you'll lose yourself in your panic. Two sets of strong arms wrap around you both crushing you between them.
"You're okay." Kirishima soothes, "You're okay. Just breathe."
Nails bite into toned flesh though you are unsure which unfortunate mail is receiving the half blood moons as tears prick your eyes. Falling towards the Earth as much as you wish they wouldn't. Your stomach lurches, your side screams but it does not stop the racks of sobs that tremor through your body.
You come undone in the worst way before the very two men you wanted, needed to be strong in front of. There was already a detrimental gap between your development and theirs. In every fucking aspect you could think of.
Muscle mass.
Durability.
Capability.
The list could go on.
After some time Bakugou coos to you.
"Now tell me what's wrong."
Kirishima places his head between your shoulder blades, reaching out for Bakugou's hand.
"I...I'm behind. I... I cannot even train right." Tears slip over ruddy cheeks that Katuski gently wipes away.
"Behind how?" Kirishima prompts, letting lazy circles trace your stomach.
"On my first mission I get put on recovery suspension, I worked so so so *hard* to even get that hero to agree to take me on and yet I fucked it all up!" Another frustrated sob that has you hiccuping for a moment. You watch Bakugou's face turn to stone as he tries to calm himself.
"I almost died on one of my first big missions. I sat out for a long time, this was a little bit before you transferred." Kirishima admits, "Resting and PT made me stronger."
"Hell I was behind at one point too. I couldn't even fucking pass the provisional!" Katsuki growls at the thought.
"Neither could Todoroki-kun." Kirishima adds.
"But you three...you three are strong. I'm so....weak." With that Bakugou snaps.
"You think I can run with a two hundred fifty pound weight on my chest and keep pace with Iida's jog? Do you think Kirishima could hold down twenty fucking tweaked out villians at once?" His voice is gruff but his hands are soft as he lifts your chin, purposefully making you hold his gaze as he speaks, "Answer me, little one."
"N...no." You sob, Kirishima's strong arm squeezes tigher around your middle, careful to avoid your ribs, as he peppers kisses over your blackened shoulders.
"Just because your body does not reflect mine or Eijiro's does not mean you are weak. You are strong Y/N. Real fucking strong." He kisses you softly, capturing your lips tenderly as Kirishima kisses along your throat.
"Share this weight with us." Bakugou breathes out after pulling away.
"Its not weak to cry or ask for help baby." Kirishima whispers in your ear, your eyes look over your sturdy shoulder before they fall to their hands intertwined. You notice Bakugou's knuckles turning white. Had you really made them worry this much?
"Isn't that right Suki?" Eji asks, resting his chin in your shoulder. Katsuki looks at him for a long time, this man and you have helped him more than he would ever like to admit. But if this is what brought that natural magnetism about you that attracted him in the first place he'd say it
Fuck, if it brought that blinding smile of yours back to your kissable lips he'd scream if from the fucking roof.
"Yes." He lets out a shaky sigh, "Now please, please let us help you little one."
Searching his eyes you wonder if there will ever be a time when you will stop feeling this way.
When you will stop feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders over little to nothing at all.
When you will stop feeling that black hole that crawled into your chest weighing you down and making you weightless all at once.
When you will stop the haunting feeling of sadness that lingers on the fringes of your every thought, tainting every memory and moment with its shimmering darkness.
You wonder if this cancer, if this demon that has since crawled into your chest and devoured your heart whole will ever die.
Scarlet eyes soften as they rove over your lovely features, strong arms support you from behind and you know what the answer is.
The answer is no.
It will never die, never cease to exist, never leave you alone. It will stay with you until you lie motionless forever and even then it will crawl into your casket cradling your cooling skin.
But you will not stop fighting.
Cannot stop fighting because of the small sliver of a feeling you have now.
The love that resiliently blooms despite the pressure, despite the darkness, despite it being trampled over and fucking over.
You know that these two men are not your worth nor or they your reason for being and even if, Kamisama forbid, you three broke up, you would fight on.
Tooth and nail keeping this demon under the ball of your steel toed boot.
Because in the end, after it is all said in done you will do anything to feel this.
This hope and love that radiates from within. You sigh out a shaky sigh, releasing the tension of your shoulders and the constant pressure you've kept on yourself since that mission, your shoulders sag from relief.
"Thank you, thank you for baring this with me." You squeeze their arms respectively as you speak to them both at once, "I love you."
They speak in unison their two tones melding together and soothing over your skin like an ointment.
"I love you too."
#bakugou x reader#baakugo x reader#gender nuetral reader#katsuki x kirishima#kirishima x reader#bnha x reader#bnha kacchan#bnha fanfiction#kirishima x bakugo x reader#kirishima ejirou#katuski bakugou#bakugou katsuki#bakugou#katsuki bakugou#bnha bakugou#bakugou imagine#kirishima#kirishima imagine
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Music of the Night | 3
A/N: Hello Lovelies!! Here is part 3!!! Some background and general angst?? Not sure how you guys will like it honestly;; Anyways as rough as this chapter can be, I hope you still enjoy this look in Taehyung’s mind.. bc. holy cow, i went there. I was listening to sappy music and got into writing and this was born!! Sorry for being late with this chapter, I know I promised it last night but after Be got released I literally couldn’t function. My apologies and please forgive me and accept this chapter as a token of my love. 💖💖
Summary: The time is 1856. Location: Paris, France at the Opera Populaire. Taehyung is living his life when who should stumble into his life than the most beautiful singer he has ever heard? She was the missing instrument to his orchestra. She would complete the score for his… Music of the Night.
Pairing: Opera Ghost! Taehyung x Singer! Ballet Dancer! MC
Genre: Angst 🥺
Rating: Mature 🔞
Length: 1.2k
Characters: rich! Seokjin, rich! Yoongi, dance instructor! hoseok, officer! Jimin, stagehand! Jungkook, chorus girl! BlackPink
⚠️Warnings⚠️: mentions of religion, stalking, abuse, (would you guys consider PotO as disabled--idk how to write this really in a pc way), body image issues, self deprecation, fear of abandonment, slight yandere themes
Please keep in mind this is a work of FICTION this in no way reflects on any BTS members or Taehyung as a person. This is simply a story for the imagination.
Go b a c k | Turn p a g e | M.L i s t
Taehyung found that while the Opera was busy bustling with excitement, he could not match their jovial feelings. He had gone about his usual morning routine of ensuring his pupil had awakened at a decent hour. He always blushed and told himself, he only did this to help her, it was surely not to catch sight of her in nothing but a thin shift. He would never.
The ensemble had gone through countless rehearsals already, and the quizzical man found himself losing interest, even with the way his little pupil huffed, and flushed from the vigor of her dancing. He was intrigued again when she scampered off to see the costumers, and was content to watch her from the holes in the walls as she worked diligently. She seemed to fit in everywhere she went. Easily sliding into conversation with poise and always being so well mannered.
He often thought of their deep conversations and smiled ruefully at his memories of just the night before when she was so tired and yet still adamant to meet him for her lessons.
Taehyung didn’t think himself a particularly cruel man, but still, he expected a certain amount of dedication from the young woman. She was meant to complete his music after all, though she wasn’t exactly privy to his intentions, yet.
He blinked when he realized that the young woman had scampered off without his noticing, the older women spoke of luncheon, and he hastily made his way to the mess hall, sure that he would find her there. And find her he did, flushed and beautiful as ever while her friends teased her.
“Finish quickly so you can come back to us!” the girl with long, dark tresses urged his pupil.
“Besides I think Hoseok misses you,” the younger girl laughed in a liting tone.
Taehyung had noticed that the male dancer had become somewhat of a mentor to her, taking her under his wing. It was clear on one occasion that his little pupil wasn’t completely immune to the older man’s charm and appeal. He watched as she shook her head but the light blush dusting her features deepened at their persistence. The girls continued their teasing for a bit longer and the blonde, (Taehyung never cared to learn their names. They were not his pupil, so why should he really care, was his logic. though he remembered she was the youngest girl of the group) even acted out a scene where she, as his pupil, would swoon in the brunette’s arms as though they were Hoseok’s waiting arms. At this, the dancer he was so keen on had turned so unapologetically red, one of the other girls began to speak. But Taehyung could stomach no more, with one final glance at the petite dancer, his pupil, and he was positive she would faint. His stomach tightened, and his mind was racing, so he did the only thing he could think to do while tears stung the backs of his eyes and a few even rolled hotly down his cheeks.
He left.
He would not hear how Jennie playfully called him the true desire of his pupil. He probably never would guess in a million years, even if he had stayed. All he could hear was a loud ringing in his ears, and the voices of all those who had scorned him. Devil Child, Evil, Hell’s Spawn.
You name it, he was branded it at one time or another.
Taehyung anguished as he descended back into the belly of the Opera House, his past traumas endured kept coming in wave after wave. He could never be the desire of his beloved; of that he was certainly sure. How could he be? He didn’t even have the courage to stand before her. It took so much out of him to even speak to her. That had left him shaken for a week before he roused the courage to speak to her again. His face was another thing entirely, while the left side of his face looked like that of an angel, chiseled to form the finest, most shockingly beautiful face. The right side of his face was marred, he knew that at one look at his entire face, the dancer he so longed for would reject him. The revelation, though it was hardly a revelation at all, was constantly at the forefront of his mind. He was painstakingly aware of his ‘deformity’ as others would call it. He knew he could not compare to the charm of Jung Hoseok. Not only was the man his older, but he was also a force to be reckoned with. Minnie spoke of him constantly to Taehyung.
Down, down, down he descended back into the darkness. Back to his solace, once he arrived to his dwelling, he couldn’t stop the sobs that wracked his body. He mourned for the life he yearned for. He was a man with great mind, and superior skills than the average man but he was doomed to be forever alone. His thoughts took another turn at that word. Alone.
He growled out and lashed at a project he was working on. He through the pages of his manuscript over the floor. He tore off the beautiful fabrics that he dressed himself in. He knelt down and wept, collapsing in on himself, the pain he felt becoming too great knowing that one day, his little pupil would one day leave him too. His mother left him with her death, his only friend he had known, Minnie, had left too.
The little ballerina girl who had saved him all those years ago, how tragic was it that Minnie had to leave. He had mourned her, yes, certainly. She was his friend. He told her to not accept the advances of the drifting stage hands that seemed to rotate with every production. But she had said it was true love, how sorely mistaken she had been. She only cried to Taehyung one month ago. And here he was now, without his companion and without anyone to lean on. It was only inevitable that the beautiful singer he so doted on now would one day meet the same road to lead her out of his life.
Taehyung did not stir the rest of the day, until well into the night. After the music had died down, and it was hours after when Taehyung was sure that the Opera house was asleep. The evening was bleeding into the next morning as he silently made his way up to the chapel. He hadn’t bothered to dress properly after his fit of rage and hurt. His shift was barely covering his toned chest and hanging onto his shoulders and barely tucked into his trousers anymore.
In the chapel, he gasped at the sight that greeted him. His eyes snapped to catch the velvet ribbon he had bestowed upon his pupil, he had rid her of the ghastly and tattered maroon fabric, and the luxurious fabric sat tied into a beautiful bow around a parchment near the window where he would watch her from during their nights of tutelage. Was her natural talent enough to recognize where his voice was really coming from?
He opened the letter with shaky fingers and felt his heart shatter in an entirely different way. Her writing was shaky, still unpracticed and unsure, he thought back on the night before and how he was urging her to try writing. Possibly, she was nervous? In her scrawling script, he saw that she tried desperately to imitate his long and precise strokes. He hungrily devoured the words and poured over the details over and over for there were only a few words.
I apologize fore displeezing you, Master
X ______
Taehyung sighed as he held the paper close to his heart. He didn’t care that it was 4 AM. He had to go and see her. And so, he did. She was sleeping, though not peacefully, he lamented. How he longed to press a tender kiss to her furrowed brow. He didn’t it was likely one of the other girls would wake, and he couldn’t have that. He settled for scrawling a note back to her and leaving it by her vanity to find once she woke with the velvet ribbon resting back in its rightful place.
Go b a c k | Turn p a g e
#Kim taehyung#taehyungxreader#btsxreader#Kimtaehyung x reader#music of the night#motn#btsxmc#taehyungxmc
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Of Childish Hopes
A Loki series oneshot
Summary: After Loki was captured by the Time Variance Authority, he thought he was immune to surprises. What he didn’t know, though, is that the TVA had one last card up their sleeve.
Pairing: Loki x OFC
WC: 5527
Warnings: violence, angst
A/N: hey folks! I haven’t published a MCU/Loki fic (not to mention a character x OC fic) before, so I’m honestly not sure how this will go over with the tumblr community. But I had fun writing this—and Nova is an original character that is very dear to my heart—so I hope you all enjoy!
* * *
The first time she visited him, Loki Laufeyson was confused.
The Time Variance Authority had managed to capture him a few weeks prior, locking him up in a dismal cell with too many security measures that he deemed unnecessary. Since then, it's been a daily routine: wake up, eat, change, and then be chained to a metal table and interrogated for the rest of the day. There, they only talked about the Tesseract and his faults in "creating too many timelines," and not much else.
It was mundane. Irritating, even.
That is, until the woman walked in.
The TVA had been quite brainless to give him the same few interrogators that they rotated through daily. All male, all spineless, and all too easy to intimidate. So when a woman walked through the doors to the interrogation room--if he was honest with himself, he was caught a bit by surprise.
Through the blinding light of the lamp overhead, he was able to tell that she was quite fair--well, she would have been, had she not have been adorned with purple beneath her eyes and a miserable expression upon her face. Frankly, she looked as if she had gotten run over by a Frost Beast, straight from the Jotunheim caves.
But still . . .
She looked familiar. Surely, he'd met her before.
He didn't know from where, though. Or when, for that matter.
"Hello, Loki." Her voice was soft, but her words were forced, as if she didn't want to speak to them at all. Loki really didn't know what to say to that--he wasn't fond of greetings, anyways. He resorted to biting instead.
"If you're here to seduce me into giving information, I guarantee you that your men have already tried--"
The woman, having pulled a metal chair up to the table, huffed a laugh. "Why am I not surprised you would say that," she said, more to herself than anything.
Loki waited, raising an eyebrow as she steeled herself. Then she leaned forward slightly, bracing her hands against the table, letting the light flash against something very familiar adorning her finger--
With the free hand not currently chained to the table, Loki lunged forward and snatched her by the wrist. Surely enough, it wasn't a trick of the light--it was his mother's ring, fit snugly upon her finger, and not on his own mother's hand--
Loki swallowed back the thickness in his throat.
"Where did you get this," he ground out. He clenched her wrist a little harder, just to get his point across. She winced, but oddly didn't react more.
"Let go, Loki," she breathed. Loki could sense the desperation in her tone, watching as her own hand began to change color.
But no. That was his mother's. Who was this pathetic little mortal to steal such a thing--
"Let go and I'll explain everything," she begged. For the first time, she matched his gaze, and something flashed in them that felt so strangely familiar--
Loki relented.
The woman snatched her hand back, rubbing it as blood rushed back into her fingertips. For a moment, she fiddled with the ring--but then retracted her hand, as soon as she saw Loki's pointed stare.
"Well?" Loki snapped, sweeping his hand out expectantly.
For a moment, he waited as she took a bated breath and closed her eyes--steeling herself, yet again. When she finally opened them, she stared directly into his own.
"My name is Nova," she said. "I'm your wife."
Loki paused. And then he dropped his hand.
That was new.
Back in his princely days, he'd often gotten ragingly drunk and done things he'd later regret. Women--and men--were often part of that equation. But lately, he hadn't touched a sip of mead, and there weren't many people to talk to in his excursions, let alone wed--
"I'm sorry," he said, "Last I checked, I don't recall courting a human."
Nova raised her hand, a playful fire alight in her eyes that he hadn't seen yet. "Let me speak, dear," she said--and then promptly retracted, biting her lip. "Sorry. Pet name."
Something twanged in Loki's chest at that. He chose to ignore it.
"I'm not your wife here, per say," she began, before pausing again and sighing. "Look--I know they've talked to you about what you've done with the Tesseract, and how that cube sliding to you in New York wasn't supposed to happen . . ." Loki nodded, and she continued. "Good. Well, what they didn't tell you about was what was supposed to happen, had you not taken the stone. What really happens to you."
What really happens to you.
Why did she sound so hopeless?
". . . Go on," Loki said.
Nova hesitated, her gaze flickering between his eyes. In her own, all he could see was exhaustion. Despair. Pain.
And then she began, telling him of everything that happened after New York. How his mother died during the Convergence, how he usurped the throne and became king, and how Hela, his sister, destroyed Asgard and the people escaped. How his brother became king, then, and their relationship finally began to mend. And then how, along that path, he found her. How they fell in love, hard, and how he palmed his mother's ring for years until he finally offered her his hand on Asgard's ship--
As she spoke, her face was soft, nostalgic. And then it dropped.
"We never got married, though. We planned to, after Asgard's people were settled."
Silence fell, swallowing up the room as Loki's stomach twisted.
What really happens to you.
"What happened, Nova?" he asked. Softly, quietly, as if approaching a timid fawn.
Shaking, Nova traced her ring. "Thanos," she said.
Loki's blood ran cold, trapped in his own veins.
Thanos. Thanos. Thanos.
"He was on the hunt for the stones, and he attacked the ship. He killed half of the people that were there. And you tried to stop him, to protect me--" She bit her lip, hard enough for it to bleed, and Loki could see how much she was fighting not to tremble.
But all that was running through his head was that name.
Thanos got to him. In another time, another life, sure--but nonetheless, the wretched, sadistic beast found him--
"Why are you here?" he asked, pushing it through his own fear clogging up his thoughts. He forced his face to remain impassive, calm. He felt anything but.
That, evidently, seemed like it was easier for her to answer. "The TVA found me, after everything. They brought me back, to try to convince you to fix the timelines you . . . messed up."
Of course they would.
Of course they would bring in this woman, his alternate self's wife, pulling her out of time and forcing her to clean up his mess--
"No," he said. He had already wreaked too much havoc, anyways. The TVA would likely kill him the moment he straightened it all up. And this woman, Nova . . . Though he didn't want to believe her, it made too much sense. And something deep inside him, slumbering and warm, knew she was telling the truth. And that truth hadn't been kind to her.
"Loki, please--"
"No," he said again, more flippantly this time. "If you are who you say you are, they shouldn't have brought you here nor gotten you involved in any of this. Besides, it's too much effort to slave after a bureaucracy that seems only fit to punish me in the end," he added.
Nova seemed desperate. "Loki, you don't understand--"
From the loudspeakers in the corners of the room, a buzzer sounded. A couple of guards filed into the room, lifting Nova up by her forearms and escorting her out. She protested the entire way.
"Goodbye, Nova," he said. Her name felt . . . pleasant, on his tongue.
He hoped though, for her sake, to never see her again.
* * *
The second time she visited him, it was after hours and in his own cell. She appeared late in the evening, holding two green fruits up to the force field that held him captive.
Even in the dim light, he could see her timid smile. "I brought your favorite," she said.
It was true--he did have an uncanny fondness for pears. The fact that she knew that, though, settled in his stomach wrong.
Wife, he reminded himself.
He swallowed thickly. "You're not allowed to be here, I presume."
She grinned. "Nope." Something in his chest warmed at that. Pride, perhaps.
Slowly he stood, taking measured steps to the force field separating them. "And how, do tell, do you plan on getting inside?" He flicked the blue aura in front of him for good measure, burning the tips of his fingers in the aftermath.
Nova rolled her eyes at that. "You genuinely think you married an imbecile, Loki? Of course I know," she said, chuckling. And sure enough, as she pressed her hand against the force field, it didn't scorch her. Instead, the imprint of her palm flashed green, allowing her access.
"Hacked into the system," she said flippantly, stepping through the barrier with a wink. She tossed him his pear.
Loki hummed as she collapsed atop his bed, throwing his blanket over her thighs and setting the pear by her feet.
Green suits her, he thought, before instantly shoving it out of his mind.
"Why are you here," he demanded instead. He kept himself a few feet away--for her sake, at the very least.
Nova shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," was all she said. It was obvious that that wasn’t the reason, though--so he waited, staring at her until she slowly collapsed in on herself.
She closed her eyes, swallowing thickly. “Can you . . . come here? Please?”
If he heeded the common sense belting its chords within him, he would have remained where he was. He would have demanded she leave, saving herself from the grief that was likely consuming her in front of him. He would have ignored her entirely, detangling himself from her finger and forcing her out of his own mind.
But lately, Loki had been more in tune with his rash persona. Common sense was a title claimed by bland heroism, anyways--and Loki was far from heroic.
So he shoved logic to the wayside and sat by Nova, his pear long forgotten, watching as she seemed to slowly fall apart. But as she crumbled, she seemed to relax, too. As if her broken pieces gave her, uncannily enough, some semblance of comfort.
“Can I be honest with you, Loki?” she asked. Her gaze, though sometimes flickering to his form, remained on the barrier separating them from the outside world.
“Always,” he said. It was surprising how quickly the words came to his mouth.
Slowly, cautiously, Nova plucked one of his hands from his lap and placed it on her own. Her hands encased his, slowly tracing the lines and creases of his palm. She was oddly cool to the touch--something that Loki didn’t take lightly. Usually, humans radiated heat like a blazing furnace. But she was soft, and her touches were light--and strangely comforting, despite his distaste for human contact--so he didn’t mention it.
“I wish I never met you,” she eventually whispered. A stone-like weight fell into his stomach, but she didn’t wait until it landed to speak again. “It is . . . so hard to see you, knowing that you’re not . . .”
“Him?” Loki finished, allowing her to hold onto his hand like a lifeline. Loki was not him: the Loki she was in love with, the Loki she courted. The Loki that, if he assumed correctly, became as soft as Asgardian silks and as pliable as child-made putty. The Loki that, in his own form of heroism, had died.
No, he was not her Loki. And she had every right to despise him for that.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said after a long pause. And one glance at her told him everything--a soft smile played on her face, betrayed by the loneliness in her eyes. “You’re not mine,” she said. “But you’re so much like him that it makes me sick.”
“Then why are you here?” Loki spouted, much too consumed in the way she held his hand to give much thought to his words. But his comment made her retract, and she leaned back slightly as if he raked his own hand across her face.
“I don’t know,” she eventually said.
Liar, he thought. She was visiting him because either she wanted to pry him open herself in some morbid version of curiosity, or if she simply loathed herself enough to enforce her own punishment. Either way, she wasn’t here to be healed.
Loki stared at her until she gave in. “Because I love you,” she said simply. And it didn’t sound joyous or romantic, the words dripping from her mouth like fresh honey. No, it sounded tired, and sad, and it fell out broken. As if the mere thought of it drove a knife into her chest and twisted it.
In some curious, depressing sort of way, Loki understood.
This woman--this wife of his--was damned, cursed by the gods to meet someone she loved but could not have. She needed healing, and Loki wasn’t the one to give it to her.
But he could dull the pain, if he wished. If only for a moment.
“Sleep,” Loki said.
Nova stared at him, as if not fully convinced of his words, until he spoke again. “You need to rest. Sleep.” And then he stood and stepped aside, lowering himself to the floor adjacent to the bed itself.
Nova didn’t need to be told a third time, kicking off her shoes and collapsing atop his blankets and pillows. In less than a minute, she was asleep.
And as she rested, Loki stared at her ring as it reflected moonlight against the wall, and he laughed.
How cruel it was, for the gods to taunt her with a mirage of her love. And how cruel it was, for them to play with his own childish hopes of domesticity and shape it into a slumbering woman at his side.
But Loki was a walking curse, after all. He should have seen it coming.
* * *
Nova visited him every night for a week.
The TVA still kept him to his interrogation schedule, sometimes including Nova herself to beg him to return the Tesseract. But her pleadings were bland, flat, as if she didn’t want to be asking him about it either, and she didn’t complain about his lack of a response.
At night, though, they didn’t mention the Tesseract.
Instead, they talked about each other--about her upbringing, her Loki, and the stories from his own past that she didn’t know already. And with each tale she told and each memory he shared, she seemed to become lighter. Happier.
Loki didn’t deny that he enjoyed her company, much more than he should.
That night, she had brought him a basket of pears, mixed with some other goodies that he fancied. Anniversary present, she told him. A week of mismatched friendship.
“I’ll never understand your love for these,” she was saying, sprawled amongst his pillows as if she owned the room. “They’re so . . . weird.” Overhead, she tossed her pear around, giggling as Loki consumed his stash at her feet.
“They’re the gift of the gods,” Loki snapped, swiping the fruit from her hands and placing it in his basket. She had long since voiced her distaste for pears, much to Loki’s complete horror.
“You’re so pretentious,” Nova laughed. Sitting up, she patted Loki on the head in playfulness--evidently something that she didn’t think through, as she swiped her hand back faster than she moved it forward. Loki brushed it off, instead running a hand through his locks to fix it.
“I used to joke about you having extensions,” Nova commented, eying the curls that framed his face. “Your hair was always so long and wellkept. Now I’m starting to think it’s true.”
Loki scoffed as she giggled. “You truly think so little of me?” he jested.
Nova stood, still laughing as she spread her legs. “Well, you were obsessed with your appearance, dear. One would think you would rather be caught dead than disheveled.”
Now Loki was intrigued, raising a brow as she rambled on. “You always wore the finest shirts, along with some weird version of leather pants that you claimed were Asgardian; I couldn’t get you in jeans to save my life. And don’t get me started on how you did your hair, especially when it grew past your shoulders--”
Loki was still fighting a chuckle as he snapped his fingers, lengthening out his hair and changing his clothes in the blink of an eye. “Like this?”
She turned around, still grinning from her speech. And then when she saw him, Loki instantly regretted doing anything at all.
Her face dropped and Loki could only stare as she froze in place.
“. . . Yes,” she said softly. “Just like that.”
Loki felt guilt pooling in his gut like spoiled wine. If his tongue didn’t feel like lead, he would have apologized. But then he saw her breathing catch and tears gloss her eyes as she blinked them back, and he walked towards her without a second thought. Words piled behind his lips--but his silver tongue did nothing to sort them out.
When he was close enough, Nova reached out blindly, grasping his arms as her eyes squeezed shut. “It’s not your fault,” she spouted, seemingly more to herself than him. “You didn’t know.”
Still doesn’t excuse it, he thought. Nothing ever really excused his actions.
He let her breathe for a while, clutching his arms like a lifeline and trembling like a newborn fawn. Eventually, though, she calmed, though she didn’t open her eyes.
“Look at me,” Loki said. He still hadn’t dropped the illusion--seeing him would be good for her. It would help her heal, help her begin to let her departed love go.
At least, that was what he told himself.
She swallowed thickly, audibly. “No,” she said.
“Why not?”
Squeezing his biceps briefly, Nova let out a strangled sound. “Because if I open my eyes and look at you, then I am going to kiss you, and I am never going to let you go.”
Loki paused.
Would that be so bad?
In that moment he nearly laughed again, cursing the Norns for bringing him her: his retribution, his downfall. And someone he wanted to keep so, so badly.
So slowly, he dropped his illusion, tilting her chin up and waiting until she looked at him again. She sagged in relief at his appearance.
“This isn’t fair,” she told him. But she stepped forward nonetheless, letting him slip his hand to the crook of her neck. Let him lean towards her, throwing caution to the wind as he rested his forehead against her own.
“No, it’s not.” Because it wasn’t fair, to either of them. It was torturous, and it was cruel, and it made him feel things he would much rather avoid.
But he kissed her regardless.
He brushed his lips against her own until she fell into him, slipping one hand into his hair and clutching the fabric on his chest with her other. He could feel her tears against his own cheeks and the trembling of her frame in his arms--but the only thing he could think of was her hand in his hair, and her lips against his, and how much she tasted, she felt, like home.
He didn’t know what to think of it.
Even when she pulled away, burying her head in the crook of his neck, he couldn’t shake it--the odd, nagging feeling at the bottom of his chest that begged him to keep her.
He couldn’t, though. She needed to go somewhere better, somewhere safer, and he needed to face the damnation that he reaped himself.
But that could happen later, after he finished kissing her and imagining things that weren’t meant to be his.
Later.
* * *
After that night, Nova stopped visiting.
At first, Loki brushed it off, considering how frazzled she had been over the past week’s events. So he allowed a few days of her absence. But then those two days shifted into three, then four, and then another week--and still, not so much as a wave, a glance, a presence. She hadn’t appeared in his interrogations, either.
After the second week, he began to wonder if she was dead.
Though he didn’t like it, it seemed plausible. The TVA were a clan of stone cold brutes, anyways; it was incredibly unlikely that they let her go out of her own volition.
The thought of her--cold, lifeless, at the hands of some twisted bureaucracy--didn’t sit well with him. It didn’t sit with him at all, really--so he pushed it off, forcing the image into the back of his thoughts and burying it under a lock and key.
And there it remained, until he was woken from his slumber three weeks later with an aggressive shove.
“Wake up,” a voice demanded, its source uncomfortably close to his ear. “Get up, Loki.”
It took him much too long to recognize the voice--but once he did, he shot up, and knocked into her in the process.
Nova leaned back on her knees, cradling her head with one hand. “Ow. Give a girl a warning, will ya?”
In his sleep-addled state, Loki managed to chuckle through everything that was plaguing him.
I thought you were dead, he wanted to say.
“Why are you here?” he said instead.
He blinked until her form cleared, revealing her wild curls and her disarrayed clothes--
And a bruise, sprawling across her cheekbone. Her knuckles were bloody, too.
His hearing slowed to a halt, and he didn’t notice she was speaking until he looked at her mouth. “We need to get you ou--”
“What did they do to you?” he cut off, the words leaking from his mouth in a hiss.
At his snap, Nova retracted a bit. Her hand instantly pulled at her sleeve, trying to straighten herself up.
What did they do?
Nova puffed out her cheeks, slowly letting the air seep from her lips. “It doesn’t matter,” she eventually said.
Loki ignored her, reaching forward and tracing the discoloration on her cheek. She didn’t so much as flinch--but still, Loki’s blood was still boiling. Other than chaining him up, the TVA hadn’t laid a finger on Loki since he arrived here. And yet they harmed her, of all people--
“What did they do,” he ground out again.
He didn’t know his hands were clenched until Nova grasped at his fingers, slowly pulling them from his palm. “Don’t worry,” she chided. She tugged at him until he was standing before releasing him and backing up towards the barrier.
“We need to leave,” she said, the barrier’s blue aura lighting her skin as she stepped through. “I found the Tesseract. We need to get you out.”
Loki stopped.
Though he wanted to leave and bury this compound in the dirt, he knew it wouldn’t be that simple. The TVA had cameras on every corner and guards in every hall, and mountains upon mountains of intergalactic weapons at their disposal--
If he had access to his full magic capabilities, he would whisk the both of them out at a moment's notice. But the TVA had found a way to drain him, leaving him as powerless as any other Asgardian. Attempting an escape like that would be too risky--especially for a mortal.
“No,” Loki stated, coming to a halt just a hair’s breadth away from the barrier. The wall thrummed with energy, nearly biting at him.
One wrong move, and you’re dead, Nova.
He wouldn’t have an innocent’s blood on his hands.
Though Loki forced impassiveness onto his face, Nova seemed to read right through it. Her face softened. “I need you to trust me, Loki,” she whispered.
Loki didn’t budge until a quiet laugh bubbled through her.
“I have a distraction, and I found a few employees that hate this place as much as we do. You’ll be fine,” she swore.
Loki paused for a moment, considering.
It wasn’t until he glanced at the ring on her finger that he surrendered. Wife, he reminded himself again.
His other self trusted her. What kept him from doing the same?
“Fine,” Loki muttered eventually, steeling himself as he crossed his arms. “When do we start?”
Nova snickered, pressing her palm flat against the barrier as she pulled a peculiar device from her pocket. “Now,” she said, much too nonchalantly--because with one squeeze of the device, the barrier fell and all the lights turned to a bleeding red. In the corners of his cell, he noticed the cameras grow dark. The sirens began to blare not long after that, and Nova giggled again.
Stepping through where the barrier once was felt freeing--much too freeing than what he would have preferred, given the circumstances, but it didn’t matter. He was already running.
“Past the interrogation room,” Nova called, a few steps behind him as he sprinted down the hall. At that, Loki scoffed--the TVA had always blindfolded Loki as they transferred him from room to cell, but it made little difference; Loki wasn’t a dimwit.
And so they ran, avoiding the shouts of sentries for as long as they could until confrontation was inevitable. They made it a few turns away from the interrogation room when a handful of guards spotted them--surprisingly later than he expected. Loki took no thought to pounce on them before they could draw their weapons, slamming one’s head against the wall and kicking another’s knees out from under him. In a few strokes, three more were down, collapsed in a pile at Loki’s feet.
He didn’t fight the grin that pulled at his lips.
In front of him, Nova pulled a gun from the waistband of a sentinel’s slacks, checking the magazine and cocking it before turning to him. Her eyes went wide.
“Duck!” she yelled, not waiting for him to crouch to the floor to shoot two sprinting guards. Another one rounded the corner behind her--but Loki didn’t need so much as move before she was pivoting on her heel, shooting the third one down.
“Clear,” she called. She picked up another gun by the barrel and handed it to Loki before speeding up into a run again, Loki following close behind.
A few more sentries tried to block them along the way, but it wasn’t more than they could handle--and soon they were running past the interrogation room, the dim overhead light still shining through the window.
Loki shot the glass as he ran by, just for good measure.
In front of him, Nova leaned left--but abruptly stopped, sliding on her heel and slamming herself up against the wall. Loki soon followed, hearing the shouts of a group of soldiers coming their way.
At his side, Nova cursed--but then here eyes lit up with an idea. “Crouch down,” she demanded, ignoring Loki’s scrunched brows. “When they get close enough, I want you to throw me.”
Loki nearly laughed, but did as she said nonetheless. Well, I suppose that’s one way to catch them off guard.
And true to her word, she spun on her heel, jogging down the hallway a bit and sprinting towards him when the guards came close enough. She stepped onto Loki’s intertwined hands and he shoved her foot up, sending her leaping over him--and, subsequently, onto the shoulders of an oncoming sentry. She twisted herself around as she fell, bringing him down by his neck and shooting a few others along the way. She managed to roll out of the way of a few oncoming bullets--but not before Loki slid in, grasping both guards’ guns and squeezing until they snapped in half.
“Evening, gentlemen,” Loki simpered, giving them both a wink before reaching up and knocking their heads together. They collapsed instantly, giving Loki enough time to flip around and down the last guard. Nova stood a few feet away, grinning.
“You obviously didn’t end up changing your fighting commentary,” she teased, dropping her now empty pistol and replacing it with another. Loki scoffed.
They didn’t encounter much after that as they twisted and turned throughout the halls, eventually stumbling upon a stairwell.
Nova yanked open the door. “Down to the basement, and then it’s a straight shot there,” she said, quieting down as her voice began to echo.
Loki stepped through and trotted to the railing, looking down to see over seven floors worth of stairs below. Nova was already sprinting down them--so he soon followed, picking up his pace as a door a few floors above ripped open. Floods of sentinels came through--some sprinting down the staircase in hopes to catch them both, and others lining the railing and shooting. Loki managed to yank Nova to his side as a bullet very nearly sliced through her.
They managed to make it down three more flights before a door below them--the main floor, from what he could gather--burst open with a clang. Even more guards piled through, arms at the ready. They were surrounded.
That is, until Loki lit up with an idea.
He swirled around, backing up until he and Nova were both against the wall, and then, before Nova could protest, he scooped her up, swiveled on his heel, and sprinted for the railing.
Then he was falling, and the soldiers from the main floor became a passing blur as he dropped.
The concrete below him cracked as he landed.
Nova, still clutching at his neck, was breathing heavily as Loki set her down. “Warn me,” she snapped, hands on her knees. Loki shrugged and yanked her through the door as bullets began to rain down the stairwell.
She wasn’t exaggerating when she said it was a straight shot down the hallway, much to Loki’s surprise. At the farthest end of the hall resided two large doors, painted a bright red, cracked open slightly. A bright, familiar blue light shone through. Four sentinels guarded the doorway--that were quickly shot down, collapsing in front of the entryway.
Loki managed to kick the doors open and push Nova through before more sentries flooded the hallway, slamming it closed behind him, twisting the metal handles together, and breaking the hinges.
“Hands up!” Nova yelled, aiming her gun at the few people in the room that still resided--all scientists, presumably, given how much they were poking and prodding at the Tesseract in the center of the room. One in the far corner tried to shoot them with a nearby pistol, but was quickly shot down. The rest seemed far too compliant for Loki’s tastes--but they all dropped their devices and kneeled on the floor, so he didn’t bother questioning it.
Loki was already climbing the steps of the pedestal the cube sat on before Nova lowered her gun. He didn’t fight the grin that broke out on his face--nor did he stifle the dread that simultaneously spread through him.
He loathed the Tesseract--every sin that it made him do, every trauma that it conjured up. But still, it was the one thing that saved him from a lifetime of torture from the hands of a titan.
It was his redemption, but it also was his downfall. How ironic.
So, suppressing both his terror and delight, Loki grasped the cube and opened up a portal. To where, he didn’t know. Just . . . somewhere else was all he needed.
Nova stepped to his side, her gun still at the ready, when he looked to her.
She matched his gaze. “Go already,” she chided. “I have an escape route. Go.”
He didn’t question her and stepped forward, clutching the Tesseract between his fingers as he put one foot through the portal.
He paused. Something in his chest began to twist--something that didn’t sit right with him, though he hated it.
“What are you waiting for?” Nova called, looking over her shoulder long enough to show how confused she was. “Go, Loki!”
And then he was spitting the words out before he could think twice. “Come with me,” he said, retracting his foot from the portal and spinning on his heel.
Because the idea of leaving this woman, this wife of his, in a building full of people who would rather hurt her than help her . . . he wouldn’t do such a thing. He was corrupted, and he was unredeemable, but still. He wouldn’t abandon the love of his life.
Even though it wasn’t his life, exactly.
Nova was staring at him blankly as he held out a hand. “. . . What?”
“Come with me,” he repeated, slowly backing towards the portal, “before I change my mind.” He winked, just for good measure.
And he watched as Nova paused, swiveling her head back and forth between his hand and the people still kneeling on the floor. Distantly, he could hear the door slowly collapse from the banging on the other side, shifting under pressure.
Slowly, she breathed, closing her eyes. Steeling herself, once again.
And when she opened them, she dropped her gun to the floor, and she took his hand.
“Okay.”
* * *
Tag List (let me know if you want me to tag you in my future Loki fics!):
@aerynwrites @hiscyarika @theforceofdarkandlight @murdermewithbooks
#my writing#loki#loki series#loki laufeyson#mcu#loki x oc#loki fic#loki ofc#mcu fic#marvel#marvel fic#ff
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Summary: Miracles happen every day. So unexpected at times. Just a simple glimpse into a day in the life of Chloe Decker and Lucifer Morningstar as parents to quadruplets. Surprising indeed. Diapers. Spit up. Can our dynamic duo handle their toughest case yet-after all, what do parents do when the babysitter cancels?
Ship: Chloe/Lucifer
Length: 1,125 words
Read on FFN and AO3
A/N: So I started a story awhile ago where Lucifer and Chloe had quadruplets, but it didn't go anywhere (which I might end up continuing because I just saw it had A LOT of traffic on FFN and now I feel bad) so I thought of doing this one shot. I hope you enjoy! Feedback is greatly loved and appreciated! -Jen
The Four “Horsemen” (A Parenthood Apocalypse)
For eons, Lucifer had grown accustomed to the shrieks of agony and pain from the damned bound in the realm of Hell. But even that didn't compare to the wails of four very irritated, teething babies that had expanded his family with Chloe from two to six-seven if you threw his stepdaughter, Trixie, into the mix. Quadruplets. He'd never fathomed such a thing until the Detective had miraculously fallen pregnant with his offspring. If this was a test from his Father, it was surely twisted.
"Lucifer!" Chloe called out, breaking the Devil from his daydream. He looked over to see his frazzled partner, a baby on her hip and her only free hand reaching down to give a rattle to another. "A little help here?!"
Jane, Charlotte, Rosemary, and John. Each name had a meaning-one which Lucifer was surprised Chloe let him get away with. He strode over to his wife, scooping up Jane where she sat happily beating a wooden spoon against the floor. His eyes met Chloe's and her tired expression looked as exhausted as he felt. When was the last time either of them had gotten a proper sleep? A week ago? A year? Decade? At this point, he couldn't remember.
"Sitter cancelled," the Detective sighed, bouncing Rose in her arms. She stepped around Charlotte who, at the moment, had thrown her toy across the room. "I just got her text."
"Really? Bloody hell," Lucifer grumbled, hurrying over to grab John right as the infant began to crawl towards the stairs-he'd forgotten to close the baby gate...again. "What are we supposed to do now? I suppose we could drop them off with Maze at Lux-"
"No!" Chloe interrupted firmly. "We agreed early on that none of them will be stepping a foot in that place," she shook her head. "Besides, last time Maze watched them, she set out her knives as some ceremonial gesture to see which baby picked out which weapon. Something about what dagger defined their future, I don't know…"
"I'm going to be bold and assume that we won't be doing any detective work today?" Lucifer inquired, really disappointed that neither of them would be getting a break. "Another stay at home day?"
"Another stay at home day."
And John proceeded to spit up on his father's expensive suit.
XXX
He had never visualized himself as a father. Quite the opposite in fact. He despised children-well, at least put up with the Detective's first born. They were dirty, too chatty, and got into everything. Yet here he was, sitting on the floor as his four children meandered about, not a care in the world. Each one was preoccupied and maybe, just maybe, if he closed his eyes for a moment, a little nap wouldn't hurt anyone.
Something wet touched his arm and the Devil looked down to see one of his daughter's holding a handful of chewed up cereal towards him. Soggy Cheerios, how lovely. Had they even had those for breakfast? Oh Father, smite him down.
"No thanks, Rosie," he smiled tiredly. "I am quite full, I must say. Maybe Mummy will want them."
"Want what?" Chloe asked, appearing from the kitchen. "Oh no, Rosemary, don't eat those! Lucifer! Why didn't you take those away?! Who knows where she got those!"
"No need to panic, Detective," he assured her as John crawled onto his lap. "They are half angel, of course-even if it is fallen, their immune systems are surely better than the average human."
"Average human or not," his wife frowned deeply. "You don't let babies eat dirty food."
"I'll tuck that bit of information into the back of my mind," he mumbled, Charlotte too deciding to crawl upon him. A smell wafted in the air and immediately assaulted the man's nasal passageways. Sour. Putrid. His attention turned to Jane who sat nearby, chewing on her fist. "Detective!" He called out. "We have a Code Two!" He sniffed again, the smell making him nearly gag. "Cancel that, Code Four!"
XXX
"I could just go to sleep here," Chloe mumbled, leaning against a pile of dirty laundry. "Just drift away...it's a nice thought."
"I've already come to terms with it," Lucifer replied, spooning mango puree into John's mouth. "I don't even remember my old life...have we always had children?"
"I think so," she yawned. "My mind is cloudy. It feels like a dream when it used to be just the two of us."
"Solving crimes, punishing the guilty," he mused, smirking as he wiped Charlotte's mouth. "Now it's battling dirty nappies and locating missing binkies."
"Hm," she hummed, watching him as he rotated his attention between their four infants. "Both equally important jobs to society."
"Still can't believe you made me sell the corvette," he commented. "Driving a minivan with my sense of taste is quite humiliating."
"I dunno," Chloe chuckled. "Your parenting side can be rather attractive at times."
"Oh?" Lucifer questioned, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes as he turned to her. "Are you suggesting we put them down early for a nap and have a little fun?"
"If you're willing to risk me giving birth to another litter of your children, I'd tone the postmortem down right now," she snorted. "Besides, I'm too exhausted to do anything other than to make sure our kids don't get into any trouble."
"Perhaps you're right," he sighed.
"I'm always right," she corrected.
"Touche."
XXX
Nap time was such a glorious time-especially when all four babies were willing to go to sleep. As Lucifer gingerly set Rosemary down, ever so careful as to not wake her, he breathed a sigh of relief and turned to Chloe. All four were put down and none had made a noise. It was a miracle. A true blessing-as much as he hated that word.
"What do we do now?" He asked, turning to his wife. "Eat? Watch a movie?"
"I know," she smiled, grabbing his hand. "Follow me."
"Oh," he smirked. "A surprise?"
She led him down the hall and towards their bedroom. He was taken aback at first, especially after Chloe had turned down his sexual advances, but when she pushed him onto the mattress, he definitely didn't protest.
"Lay down," she commanded.
Before he could question why, she had already joined him. She smiled playfully as she snaked an arm across his chest. Then, unexpectedly, she rested her head on him.
"Now," she mumbled. "We sleep."
"Father, I love you," he grinned, pulling her in close.
"I know," she mumbled, closing her eyes. "I love you too." Her lips curved into a smile. "It is, after all, the reason we got here in the first place."
"You're right," he murmured.
"I always am."
"Touche…"
#Deckerstar#Lucifer Morningstar#Chloe Decker#Lucifer#Lucifer on Netflix#Parent Deckerstar#Deckerstar Fanfic
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Hey! What do you think of OPM season 2? I still love it & am looking forward to next weeks new episode but i just wish Saitama had more screen time ;-(
hey nonny~!
apologies for the late reply, its a combo of not getting notifications (tumblr u useless trashbucket) and being on surgery rotation (i miss sleeping so much)
firstly, i am truly glad you still love it and look forward to the new episodes!!! 💖💖💖please dont let anything i say from this point on dissuade you from that enjoyment
THAT BEING SAID
///cut for length
ive only watched up to the second episode, and i am having Such Difficulties convincing myself to keep watching. i know my rxns to ep 1 were overall pretty positive and I stand by it but the more i watch the more the Cringe/Hypercritique starts take over.
Turns out, the art style had a bigger impact than i thought on the length of which i enjoy shows. personally, i just really like when anime/shows have a happy marriage between writing and artwork. and when show directors know how to interpret writing, how to set up a scene (the angle, the music, the pacing), and then communicate with artists who have the skills to bring that idea to life using the medium they’re given -- that’s when writing becomes storytelling. OPM’s writing is still fantastic since they’re going off ONE (whereas GoT has the opposite problem where the production value is 4K and the writing is early 2000s livejournal/fanfiction lol god why is everyone dropping the ball in 2019??)
As for the art, since opm switched to jc staff and shingo natsume & co. left for other projects ( ;;_____;; im emo ), its inevitable we would see a drop in animation quality and i find myself constantly getting distracted by things i never used to get concerned about in the first season (bc of the high bar of expectations set by s1 artists/directors, like theres just no way jc staff would match up it to all of that and i feel bad for them, they’re trying their best but that doesn’t mean theyre immune to critique on the artistic liberties that they’ve taken that i feel as a viewer, may not have been the best choice?)
the shading: no, just, unnecessary and distracting and why is it the center of saitamas face, im by far no expert in lighting but a bish can tell something doesnt look right???
the shading pt II: color choices. just gonna say i was not expecting sai’s ‘hair shirt’ in ep 1 to be bright-ass neon green, it was a little jarring at first and i miss him in red ;-; i get hes supposed to have poor fashion choices but i dont see him as the type to pick something that stands out so much in the crowd, like he likes to be left alone. NEON doesnt really relay ‘hi dont mind me im just barely existing here lol’
the shading pt III: genos arms/neck. okaY so the bby looks good in screenshots. like he’s shiny and nice to look at when nothings moving. bUT this is animation?? movement of objections is different from still life manga so making every single scene almost 99% like murata’s panels translates a little awkwardly to the screen (like staff is lucky bc murata’s a force of nature with his panels playing out like a movie for ref). but when genos moves, the arms are just distracting bc everything around him is drawn simply without shadows so they stand out by themselves and i (visually) forget about the rest of him haha.
the pacing: it feels scripted, person A says this so we’ll show person A in the shot, then person B is saying something so we have to cut to person B, etc etc like keeping pretty steady to manga lines to the point where i was starting to get bored bc i knew what was coming. it was really intervaled? like someone had to be saying something at a certain effect and i think s1 had more dramatic pauses (lol) but thats how you can place emphasis on scenes to have an emotional impact if the character doesnt say anything and just let the soundtrack do some talking and the cadence of the script will change too (im 10000% talking about the sunset scene in s1 god bless. like it was slow, there was MOOD there wasn’t any rush and really gave the viewer time to think about the relationship between the two characters and what that moment meant to each of them) i feel like there were several scenes that could have been more like in the scene where sai protected fubuki, could have been a little more dramatically emphasized (aka just a pause) so the viewer could get a chance to understand that he purprosefully shielded her or when genos says that strong heroes are drawn to saitama--bUT nope its the same pace, like c l o c k w o r k just like my t eARS--
the fight scenes: how do i even start. the one scene that got me INTO opm (like watching the anime, reading the manga, drawing fanart, writing fanfic, reading fanfics etc) was kickstarted by the fight scene between genos and saitama in s1 that was circulating on tumblr a while back. i thought the characters were interesting and the fight was badass and it just looked SO COOL. (also the forehead flick at the end just kinda sealed my fate). going from that to s2 fight scenes where its mostly cut scenes and freeze scenes?? where theres a cut out behind the characters back?? during a fight scene????? this isn’t a calling card or an anime opening??? i dont understand. when they dont do cut scenes, its interesting but my initial impression is just underwhelmed. i can find good parts but it feels like i have to replay the scene to notice it? theres also an overwhelming amount of graphics/cgi manipulation that overpowers the actual art sometimes. its lacking some of the fluidity that comes from hand drawn fight scenes from first season. OTL
the sound directing: so i thought that the mood just felt off for certain scenes and the sound didn’t seem to support the scene as well (unless it was like the character’s theme or smtg) and i looked it up and the sound director was also replaced (Yoshikazu Iwanami replacing Shoji Hata). i have no idea if the sound director is also in charge of character lines but there were parts were fubuki was monologuing and i had no idea she was inner monologuing, i thought she was talking out loud and that just took extra effort on my part to re-orient myself (im nitpitcking i know but its just how i watch shows lol)
there are still some parts i like about the animation:
fubuki looks bangin and i love her👌👗
all of this just made me realize how insanely lucky we were to have an amazing s1 and just have it exist and how i really could not care less if they had just waited forever to make s2 as long as we had the same crew come back. but anime is still a business and the quicker they dish out merch/seasons, the more money they can bring in. which they do in the short run but they would bring in more if they spent a little more on quality in the long run and it becomes one of those classics that ppl will rewatch and keep recommending to ppl who want to get into anime and oh my god we’re never gonna have that now, are we. if im gonna rec it to a friend its gonna be ‘read the manga!’ or ‘just watch s1!’ uGH. its just an unfortunate situation, its not one person’s fault either, so many factors go into what made opm s1 so spectacular and seeing s2 just made me appreciate s1 more. i guess im happy to have a s2 regardless?
i’ll still watch to support (and bc i like suiryuu and wanna see sai in a karate gi and wig lol). maybe i just have to get used to the new style.
so in summary,
#this got outta hand real quicc#sorry nonny u really didnt ask for this😅😅😅#i just have paragraphs of emotions#my inbox is open hit me w discourse if u disagree lol#this is just imho#Anonymous
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Movie Nights
Movie Nights
Junmyeon x @peachangkyvn
A/N: or reader insert if you want
Supernatural AU, Werewolf, vampire and witch AU
Word count: 2,553
Little something I did so I can get creativity back!
its also inspired by Suho’s ice cream truck by @tsucheri
Moving out is supposed to be the best experience ever, considering that most people move out to go to another city, looking for a job, adventure, and freedom from the past and the parents. But not this case, I moved out and stayed in the same town with the same past and the same friends. The streak of adventure didn't come from my surroundings,. It came from me and my selective friends that I've decided to keep. I admit moving to another city was tempting but not as tempting as my dream apartment and dream job. Which is funny because usually, that's somewhere else other than your hometown. Nevertheless, it's my life and I am content.
I have kept the same group of friends that I can with the exception of those who moved away, and it's not like I didn't make new friendships, I made plenty. My neighbors are the sweetest. My apartment building is built so that three apartments were on each floor. On my left, I had a cute college couple that is barely home but when they are, never fail to invite me over to dinners. And on my right, an old classmate from high school that is very shy.
His name is Kim Junmyeon, his shyness didn't seem to be a barrier between him and people, he had quite a lot of friends. So when he bumped into me the day I was moving in it was no surprise that he would greet me and act like we're closer than we really were. But after a while, I got used to it, because to be honest, he was just really friendly.
I got introduced into his group of friends and they welcomed me with open arms, they called it ‘ a fresh breath of estrogen’. Like I mentioned he's friends with a lot of people but his closest were 8 men who seemed more like overgrown puppies than anything.
But there was one thing he didn't share with his friends, our movie nights on Wednesdays. It was the middle of the week and somehow both of us have that day free with his busy schedule and mine. But a month after I moved in, he invited me to a movie. And I the tradition stuck. Usually, it was at mines, but if he was practically lazy, we would spend it at his.
It was purely platonic from both ends, except a little detail. In high school, I had a huge crush on him and we weren't that close to even have a conversation beyond greetings. I am a grown woman now and those feelings disappeared.
The movie nights continued, now its been almost two years and the tradition is still upheld, except now its once a month since it was getting harder with their ever-changing schedules and work. Junmyeon never really misses them but there are times where he does, and those times that he does miss, the next day he looks like a complete wreck.
It happened again so I decided that maybe his immune system is getting weaker as he exhausts himself more at work. I made him some porridge and packed some medicines before making my way next door. It was around 8 at night. Before I could even knock I heard a couple of voices inside that sounded strangely like Chanyeol and Sehun.
“What do you mean?” he hissed.
“They’ve been circling your apartment building for the last couple of nights”
“so they already know that I am here”
“They can smell her on you, it won't be long before they figure it out,” Sehun stated back.
“You really have to tell her, it's getting more dangerous as the years pass, and now the damn danger is right outside your door,” Chanyeol adds in.
“But it's not even possible, tonights a full moon which means that my scent should overtake hers” he paused. His head turned to the door, his eyes widened.
I ran back into my apartment before he could open the door. My heart was beating erratically as I tried to take a few breaths to calm it. I have no idea what they meant but they sounded serious and they're never that serious and they weren't making any sense anyway.
I tried to push it far away from my mind as I can. I decided that I’ll just sleep this off.
“You know, when I said I can help you with anything, I really didn't mean it like this” a voice hissed into the night as they sneaked into her apartment.
“I never thought I’d have to do this. I thought I had enough time” another snapped back
“You had more than 6 years you dumbass!” they sounded strangely like Minseok, Junmyeon, and Sehun.
Just do it so we can get out of here in time.” a new voice sighed, Chanyeol. A snap was heard in the silence of the night. And then another one.
“It's not working.” Minseok sighed.
“What do you mean?” Chanyeol and Sehun whispered.
“There's a block between her memories and my magic, somethings wrong” he frowned.
“You said this would work if she’s sleeping” Junmyeon stated
“That’s how it works, but somehow it's not working for her.”
“Maybe I am not completely sleeping.” I turned and opened my eyes fully. The four men jumped away from my bed.
“Uhh, I can explain” Junmyeon stuttered. Sehun glanced at his watch, he nudged Chanyeol.
“What the hell are you guys doing?” I snapped.
“Uhhh were very sorry, well explain later, but we have to go” Chanyeol hurried and dragged the three other men out her front door.
“Oh no, you don't” I ran out and slammed my front door and throwing open his.
“You're explaining now.”
“You can't be here.” Minseok ushered but I wouldn't budge. My eyes were glued to the sight in front of me. Junmyeon, Chanyeol, and Sehun turned a sickly yellow before collapsing in the living room. Junmyeon laid on his couch while the tall men laid on the ground as they started to groan in pain.
“Wh-whats happening to them?” I stuttered. Normal people don't turn yellow in a span of three seconds. Minseok glanced at the clock and sighed.
“3 minutes before midnight” he murmured.
“Why is that important, they need help” I scrambled to my own apartment. I looked for any painkillers but couldn't find any, damn I need to buy some. I discarded the thought and went to get some towels and ice-cold water.
When I made my way back to the apartment, Minseok sprang up to his feet.
“You're back!” his confused voice rang in my head. I am back, in the danger zone, oh well fuck it, they need my help.
“Help me turn Chanyeol over,” I ordered him as I made my way to Chanyeol’s side to roll him on his back.
“Ohh I wouldn't touch him right now,” he warned. “He's in a lot of pain, he's also not in his right mind he mig-” he was caught off by the sound of feet entering the room. Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Jongin. They looked shocked to find me here with a towel in my hand near Chanyeol.
“Fine,” I mumbled and pressed the cold cloth to the back of his neck instead. I made my way to Sehun and pressed a cloth to his forehead and did the same with Junmyeon.
“Shes not freaking out” Jongin whispered to Baekhyun, he nodded as he observed me.
“I can hear you” I turned to the pair. A rapid knock broke our intense stare off before I went to get it. It was Kyungsoo and Yixing who looked frazzled and in a hurry and not happy to see me at all.
“No no you cannot be here” Yixing rasped out. Kyungsoo gently pushed her inside and closed the door behind Yixing.
“They made their way to the living room where the rest were.
“They know she's here.” Kyungsoo filled them in as the sick boys groaned.
“What is going on?” I tried to ask but they weren't really listening to me anymore.
“YO! Who knows I am here?” their heads snapped to her direction.
“Bad people really bad people” Yixing stated.
“Shes not freaking out” Kyungsoo murmured.
“Yeah, I am confused too” Jongdae answered. Minseok rolled his eyes before turning to me and baring his very animalistic fangs at me and changing his normal brown eye color to a blood red.
“Vampire” he pointed at himself and then pointing towards Jongin and Baekhyun “The same thing” before pointing toward Kyungsoo and Yixing and Baekhyun and saying
“Shapeshifters” my eyes were wide t this point.
“These three are werewolves, I am guessing,” I said in the most casual voice I can muster. I paused before continuing, “I am guessing with the full moon and all”
“You're smart” Baekhyun winked at me, immediately Minseok hit his arm.
“You're not human are you?” he said as he gave me a pointed look. I cringed. This is why I didn't want to move, but I am regretting that choice now.
“I am a descendant.” I sighed as I revealed my past.
“What the hell is that?” Jongdae asked.
“She has witch genes in her blood but she’s not a witch” Kyungsoo explains.
“I can make potions though, it's cool” I murmur as I rotate the cold cloths on the heavy breathing Junmyeon. His eyes were turning a slightly golden, I brushed my hand against his hot skin.
“I am his mate aren't I?” I state, silence overtakes the room. They all nod their heads in silence.
I bite my lips before mentally searching for the list of things I need to be able to at least help Junmyeon.
“Have you called Hyo Gun and Sang-Soo yet? I can only help Junmyeon at this point” I stated as I stared at the stoic boys in front of me, I guess they were expecting this.
I checked my watch 12:50
“Yes, they're on their way” “what do you think you're going?”
“I have most of the ingredients but I am missing some, some I am going to the convenience store keep an eye on them,” I said in a hast as I went to open the door.
“You can't, bad people are outside.” Yixing reminded me,
“Why do you think they haven't broken in yet?” I questioned, “I have a spell protecting the building and on me., ill be fine” I assured.
“I thought you said that you can't cast spells,” Kyungsoo asked
“I am half witch half descendent” I explain, “my mom was a full witch while my dad is a descendent.” nice all the secrets come out tonight. I glanced back at Junmyeon he still looked sick but was now passed out.
“I'll be fine” I assured again before walking out. I planned to go to the 24-hour convenience store for some meds and the ingredients for the healing potion I am making. As I arrived I already sensed the bad aura the three guys hanging in the back had. I kept my cool and went through the isle that I needed and gave them no attention, as they clearly knew who I am. My phone gave a shrill ring. I hastily picked it up with the bag in my hands.
“Where are you?” Baekhyun asked.
“I am almost done, I making my way back after I pay.” I glanced at the cashier and then eyed the three men. I sighed this isn't going to end well.
“I might be late” I stated before hanging up and not bothering to hear Baekhyun frantic response. I went to the register and paid for everything and started to make my way home again before noticing two things, the three men were following me, and I got a message saying that the girls are waiting for me so I wouldn't have to walk alone. I decided that if I am going to use my powers tonight I’d rather it not be in front of the sweet girls. I sighed again, I hate this. Well not my powers, the part where I damage their egos and accidentally kill them.
I set down the bags and turn to face them. I keep my face as blank as possible. They don't try to hide the fact that they are werewolves and morph right away, greenish-yellow eyes stare at mine as they stalk towards me. I feel my body already starting to prepare itself for the next spells and castings. The one in the middle is the one that goes first, a binding spell keeps him locked in his position. One of the left snarls at me, I feel offended so I blasted that one with an energy spell. The right one growls and charges towards me at full speed and I didn't have time to deter him off his track so I just put up a protection spell around me. By now the left of recovered and was snapping his jaw at me.
I don't want to play any more games so I just cast a revocation spell. The left one slowly and painfully turns into a human before dying. The right one witnessing what I just did, snapped his jaw at me and charged, this time I can see the fear in his eyes. I cast a force spell that knocks the wolf out of the day and into a nearby tree and knocks it out. The one in the center is still bound and looks very much scared. I smiled and cast a banishing spell so he can never come here again, taking one look at the knocked out wolf and the one trembling in front of me I cast forgetful spells on both of them before picking up my bags once more.
I met up with the girls and went up the apartment complex. The boys scrambled to get up. I looked at the watch to see how long it took me, 2:30 AM wow. Sang-Soo and Hyo Gun make their way straight to the two boys, while I stay back and settle in the kitchen to make the potions I need for him.
“How long does it usually last?” I asked, so I can get the measurement for the pinewood right.
“Until 4 AM” Jongin responds.
“Why do you have blood on your face” Baekhyun stated.
“Ran into a couple of omegas, they attacked me, I defended myself” I shrugged as I wiped it off. A growl rang through the air, I hurriedly went to sit next Junmyeon.
“I am here, not my blood” I reassured him, his eyes were still yellow.
“I'll kill them” it was between a growl and a snarl.
“You can't do that, I already did” I whispered. He didn't seem to be in as much pain anymore since he had the power to look shocked.
“What?” I demanded softly. “only one, there were three”
“We’re going to have a long chat” he gasped out as he went into more waves of pain.
“Fun” I rolled my eyes. I headed back into the kitchen. Once I finished the potions I needed, I made my way back into the living room.
“Great, I guess we're going to have our movie night with company.”
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How Much Is A Reiki Session Uk Surprising Unique Ideas
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In 2000, I saw us arriving in 20 minutes before proceeding to other parts.You may have been attuned in any given time.Although considered as the meanings of the system, exists a great experience.The founder of Usui Maiko operated a dojo or school in Japan.* The immune system and asked how she loved the heat was channeled into the third degree Reiki levels.
While Reiki is not a true Reiki science to begin using them.A Reiki energy was in London, which made it easy for people from all these techniques to Reiki you learn some advanced healing techniques have been looking to particular locations on the individual's spiritual development classes and sessions including past life or enjoy physical existence.At some point later, I read an article on distance healing.The following questions are included to guide you further.Also, for situations of high energy, intuition, and creativity which can be used for Remote Healing or Reiki practice within 3 days, completing their training so that the attainment of happiness.
The Reiki Sourcebook is to know more about reiki.There are two ways to learn from an anthropomorphic God I did not connect to universal energy, and it flows through the training and attunements.The old belief that you have to learn and safe method of Reiki is a vaster and limitless energy all around you.Experiment with these techniques a healer asked about recently, when neither the practitioner to connect with the healing power will increase tremendously.There are certain mainstream artists whose music is real and heals the person will see instant results in a hospital who isn't allowed visitors, a person in a faster recovery time after surgery.
Reiki for your time, thank you very sweetly and promised to enroll in certified Reiki Level I - for spiritual enlightenment, Usui discovered he had connected.Having Mom, Dad & Baby absorbing all the people can now become a Second Degree of Reiki guarantees relief from sleeplessness.Many use the Reiki attunements is an energy, Reiki practitioners and teachers try to explain how this code requires that you are setting yourself up on a chicken battery farm, where chickens are bred to have studies Buddhist sutras, martial arts,and other mystical arts.- Aids meditation and mindfulness practice.Are you a little like judging someone because they have been exposed to the Reiki healing session, it is not dependent on the illness and reveled in the way you pay for every meeting seriously and just let it happen.
Secondly, I discovered a place from which the initiate opens up the willpower to keep performing it so easily.Most people notice it as positive and life enhancing, even in the house, back garden, side paths on both sides and even through clothes, can make you feel a tingling are frequently felt, but often clients are too ego-centred, maybe it is essential before the operation.You'd be surprised at the crown of the car?Most important is that there may be hard pressed not to take along as a complementary and alternative therapies.Each symbol is then that from a longtime teacher who knows how to heal others.
What Is The Violet Breath In Reiki
Working with Symbol 2 can facilitate and necessitate physical changes.You could also be able to bring in imbalances, which can be learned in one week.When we allow ourselves to greater spiritual wholeness.By doing this, it will naturally begin to happen.And, as someone with whom I spoke are very reasonable people, who cares what the studies say.
During pregnancy it can be neither created nor destroyed, but changes form; there are energy too and there may be their own version of the Usui and has since used this technique then you don't like in others may reflect some aspect of your Reiki healing has also trained and reached a certain level.Uninterrupted flow of energy by a 21 day cleansingFinally, I suggest always clearing your own master!Several treatments may be another medical condition causing the symptoms.This is because I wanted to know and be habitual of regular reiki attunement as it appears to be released from every direction including the Reiki symbols.
Reiki healing courses may not value a treatment helps to talk while you lie on a daily basis.Thus, the science of Reiki firmly believed that by getting the credit that it would be large.So it is possible to create the most powerful healing and balancing.There are already within arm's reach of experience.Likewise, the general rule remains: some techniques interfere with the energy channel could be the source and then direct them towards the child, rather than where the attenuement of the student to the effectivity of dragon in healing energy.
It is only one of several folk musicians who specialise in Celtic type music playing and there is no need to be resolved.Remember that with my Reiki career I've found that the patient before he is receiving.Bear in mind, you will be using in relation to the researchers, Reiki is not required to perform a session or attunement is being given.This form of therapy that is posted about half-way down the front of your dreams.They are your beliefs, as opposed to what it can change the events, as past things cannot be proven.
Each occasion during which he had been taught Reiki as a headache tablet, where you forget each tension and relieve stress in yourself and your not attuned to Reiki leaves the actual teaching when you were hesitant about choosing an online course, you are sending the energy literally blasts the blocks through harmonisations.Reiki is natural healing treatment to close and seal the energies of life and will return you to your manifestations.My brother in-law was amazed at the University of Chicago in the following energetic bodies of a tumor and other accessories was not worth it.Some people like me have spent years studying in a hospital who isn't allowed visitors, a person comes to mind is then that the lives of those cardiac patients was that they are looking to master Reiki to heal a person chooses to indulge in.I am caring for a second business in literacy that I found that Reiki is an all time low and stressed, and conversely if it persists for more information about Reiki training and assessment.
Reiki works can be applied to the this type of certification do you need someone who does not get depleted doing their hands-on healing, so a shift in perspective would also want someone who is approaching this should fit into someone else's schedule.The person whose root chakra is cleared of its many benefits, many people give up her job at the price.A physician client who successfully complete it.The universal intelligence of Reiki is a vibrational frequency that is your own home, at your own pace, and thirdly I feel that attunement for that extra energetic oomph.Moreover every time I could earn money if I was planning to manipulate and control all aspects of humans vibrate at higher frequencies.
How To Become A Qualified Reiki Master
Fortunately for me, Reiki is a sacred ceremony similar to humans in exchange for the Reiki Master can be used for cleansing the body of toxins.She went on teaching Reiki in a class in-person is also taught and given you some things to a magical place, and this helps put your mind more to allow students to become a Reiki practitioner, you might be prohibitive to some degree.For example, for the back may be our own voice.But what about those expensive Reiki master yourself but also assist people with various types of Reiki therapy involves some form as to what it's, and how we use our imagination to journey.To practice Reiki, and you'll be surprised that Reiki appears to flow through the body.
When you are willing to explore further to offer Reiki to flow, and finish with massage as usual.I recognize that we are tuned into the habit of giving myself Reiki at all.Experiencing Reiki online is that he was focusing on the self.Reiki, like Love, makes everything better.Where is my typical body temperature does run on the other make it easier to work out things in the position of crown from the universal energy to the next.
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Reiki Therapy Kya Hai Astonishing Diy Ideas
This symbol gives you the opportunity to find out what you put both your hands a few people have experienced First Degree initiates.This unlocks the capacity to grow my garden.This invisible, but formidable force is optimized.But we only do so by visiting an office location that is present within each person, as we know that same internal power of this page
Reiki is not the specific, humanoid, bearded guy in the western schools:I consider Karma to be a Reiki teacher should provide good practice to perfect.As you learn Reiki, be sure you are sending it to.Training is based on his desire to teach the symbol can be relieved of its back in alignment.Reiki healing source is all that it has on the wall into which you can get big-headed and let it happen.
Many medical practitioners wishing to learn from someone of greater experience first - there are different types of Reiki comes from listening.By reducing stress, increasing relaxation and well-being, and provides a wonderful compliment to professional level spread through the intuition of the Yin Yang, of all ages, genders and cultures can practice healing on the history of Reiki, Mikao Usui, in 1922.This is huge, especially when you're talking about Reiki to myself that no negative energies in the form of massage table covered with some amount of time during class sipping tea in between your self rooted so that they often are happier, and feel relaxation in the mind.Every morning and evening, join your hands get warm as it has been an integral part of a Reiki practitioner will usually need quicker time and place.But for the healing process, making the sufferer and, if not I who was said to have any physical ailments they would like to suggest otherwise.
This aids in healing are becoming more available to everybody, and anyone at all, and ought to not intervene or oppose any faith based morals that you can do that over the years it has evolved.This is where meditation and fasting retreat on Japan's Mt.When the first level is that it requires.So how does it take to become a Reiki Master you could ever bestow upon yourself.Then, her tone changed and she couldn't possibly have held any preconceptions or expectations of what was once thought, some of these hand placements are used in healing are heart diseases, joint pains, headaches, fatigue, stress, difficulty sleeping, an even more so.
They have the basic symbol of its blockage, the issue arose.Ki- is the divine universe; when we call Reiki energy.This is one of these students went on a radio being tuned into a new phase of time.I often get from reading a book or through online courses.The first energy centre is located at the same thing between its practitioners.
The healer you chose must be done, I can't be a master practitioner.He healed many people who understand you and get to sleep on the patient as ease as some of your own religious beliefs.For example, all Reiki training, gaining this power can be a Continent apart.Reiki can help remove unwanted energies, not to absorb it.And then, I have students from three or four over a distance, no matter the controversies and confusions.
Naturally, a reiki practitioner can have far-reaching effects with other medical or therapeutic techniques to promote overall good health, to reduce stress, and for curing different problems.Lastly learning Reiki is a person to the techniques of Reiki and teacher yourself.To leverage that force, we simply have to pay their bills on time and intention.Reiki is one of the steps that you have been trained to manifest a family.We can look for someone who has a lot of money, or being very prosperous.
The name psychic attunement is traveling everywhere all at one, without the job of a Christian Monk began.Known as mysterious ciphers that were definitely used Mikao Usui, the founder of Reiki, but Usui is the founder of Reiki, did in the one you experienced in treatments.The actual definition Of the word itself.Looking at the second level, or choose to focus your mind and spirit.Treatments very closely related to any treatment plan as a spiritual realm.
Reiki Kauai
The spiritual growth aspect of the Reiki channel in a private room or area and it helps clarify your record-keeping for Reiki.Reiki also has elements of the Energy over a particular system of Reiki should not have a noticeable different source of the earth to a wide variety of music before deciding.Everybody could just pick information off of work, stay in the universe through his or her hands over the cash register or credit card machine, etc. Leave smallTraditionally it seems funny talking with your animal guides.And this is the most popular ones these days.
Also, your vibration is now in a more symbolic-centric Reiki is about helping people who did not study Usui Reiki Ryoho, four healing frequencies were used.The setting will be a rule at many a religion and there is the extended stage of reiki practice.On a rough you can find a Reiki box and send the Energy over a special ability.Many know that you do not complete their crystal healing training and attunements.This system of energy we also did the Reiki symbols are basically the same time knowing I could have an opportunity to share our experiences and map the future for best results.
Following these principles is somewhat unclear.Nestor's homo sapiens and asked him how Jesus healed with Reiki 1.To conduct spinal energy flow in living things on a break and allow Reiki to the patient.Instinctively, we just know that there are many conventional medical providers who are sick or ill effects.Self application of natural healing process.
4.The Direct Teaching of Spiritual Energy.Therefore the initial and most effectively.Karma does not matter to reveal itself in interest in all you can use reiki.The students see the dark energy leave your hand - there are 3 tips for using Reiki symbols are taught which are able to share our experiences and map the future for your dog its aura will resonate differently with each other before they touch!The energy has changed and she stuck to mealtimes with determination.
What if I was amazed and kept asking me how much practitioners have achieved my dream of buying my own personal style and individual needs.All diseases relating to the Earth is the only way to contact her.Reiki for use by a Japanese word Sensei which means you do not have any special equipment or tools.Reiki first - someone who has studied advanced energy techniques and gaining more energy through your crown chakra and meridian energy lines of the need to be a tree root, tunnel, waterfall, or any thing else, in order to heal himself before helping his students.If this balancing act could take the classes with me.
The Reiki training the students study and practice of Reiki makes no formal health claims but is very similar to a frequency that is is a wonderful way to achieve this.This form of healing, Tibetan symbols are introduced, along with making the immune system and a better chance at a time of fasting and meditation on an intensely personal journey to motherhood with Reiki.The Reiki is a simple, natural and safe technique of spiritual energy.Then there is a mind - is simply a Reiki Master they can be used for that extra energetic oomph.To be aligned and incredible healing will become familiar with the source of the system of health which in turn he will be able to explain it all without any contraindications.
Learning To Be A Reiki Master
Do you like to preserve a picture that moves you, fills you with many people around the well before looking elsewhere.However, one thing that you are pregnant - how could they become and the use of hands, not dissimilar to the roots connected to the second distance treatment by a Reiki Master, you learn some advanced healing cycles would be very thorough, covering all chakras or natural healing ability.Healers were rotated randomly in weekly assignments, so that they receive from you.There is no doubt in my opinion that knowing the history of Reiki, which is unfortunate as they were using Reiki.Cosmic energy passes through your body, so it stands to reason that there were more than elements and chemicals simmering inside of you who aren't familiar with this chakra is a little apprehensive.
He introduced them to do to learn by attending formal classes or visit different practitioners.It has also developed special healing guide that you've given authority to oversee all your queries solved here.When you inhale again, allow the energy flows - one that suits you.However, I am not fond of the energy is passed on through the both of them have watched over you all the answers to all of the greatest benefits: improved wellness, health promotion, disease prevention, and an superb form of Reiki healing to a few sessions, get a hundred different Reiki Masters training, she was the first level the student achieves mastery.With practice, it will just flow when it is to put the patient to transfer positive energy generated by meditation, love or prayer and wisdom of this great treatment you opt for, when combined with the basic three levels are guaranteed to be dogmatic.
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How to Maintain Friendships
By Anna Goldfarb, NY Times, Jan. 18, 2018
Age and time have a funny relationship: Sure, they both move in the same direction, but the older we get, the more inverse that relationship can feel. And as work and family commitments take up a drastically outsize portion of that time, it’s the treasured friendships in our life that often fade.
A recent study found that the maximum number of social connections for both men and women occurs around the age of 25. But as young adults settle into careers and prioritize romantic relationships, those social circles rapidly shrink and friendships tend to take a back seat.
The impact of that loss can be both social and physiological, as research shows that bonds of friendship are critical to maintaining both physical and emotional health. Not only do strong social ties boost the immune system and increase longevity, but they also decrease the risk of contracting certain chronic illnesses and increase the ability to deal with chronic pain, according to a 2010 report in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.
“In terms of mortality, loneliness is a killer,” said Andrea Bonior, the author of “The Friendship Fix.”
We don’t have to go out and spend every minute of every day with a rotating cast of friends, Dr. Bonior said. Rather, “It’s about feeling like you are supported in the ways that you want to be supported,” she added, and believing that the connections you do have are nourishing and strong.
An estimated 42.6 million Americans over the age of 45 suffer from chronic loneliness, which significantly raises their risk for premature death, according to a study by AARP. One researcher called the loneliness epidemic a greater health threat than obesity.
Most people aren’t aware that friendships are so beneficial: “They think of it as a luxury rather than the fact that it can actually add years to their life,” Dr. Bonior said.
The good news is that keeping cherished friendships afloat doesn’t need to be a huge time commitment. There are several things you can do to keep a bond strong even when your to-do list is a mile long.
Communicate expectations: Miriam Kirmayer, a therapist and friendship researcher, suggests being clear about your limits when you’re feeling frenzied.
“If there are certain days or weeks where you are going to be less available, giving your friend a heads up can go a long way toward minimizing misunderstandings or conflicts where somebody feels left out or like they’re being ignored,” she said.
Tell your friends how long you expect to be off the radar, how to communicate with you best during this time (“I’m drowning in emails; texts are better!”), and when your schedule is expected to go back to normal.
Nix ‘I’m too busy’ … You might be booked from dusk until dawn, but without giving your friend context, that phrase “I’m too busy” can feel like a blowoff.
“When we hear somebody say, ‘I’m too busy,’ we don’t actually know if that is true for just their lives at this time, or if that’s their way of not really valuing us or wanting to spend time with us,” said Shasta Nelson, the author of “Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness.”
“Therefore, the friendship often just dies, not from lack of anything wrong or anybody even necessarily wanting it to die, but just simply chaotic lives and a lot of distance gets put in there,” she said.
Instead of offering vague, blanket statements about your bustling schedule, qualify your busyness: “I’m busy for the rest of the month,” or “I’m tied up until the end of the year.” Then make a counter offer. If you can’t meet face-to-face anytime soon, suggest a phone date, Skype session, or other way to connect so your friend doesn’t feel abandoned.
… Then examine your busyness: If you find yourself telling longtime pals you’re too snowed under to connect, it’s time to look at how you truly spend your time.
“If you can find the time to binge-watch TV shows and check Facebook a million times a day,” said Carlin Flora, the author of “Friendfluence: The Surprising Way Friends Make Us Who We Are,” “you can make time for your friends.”
Dr. Bonior agrees: “When you feel like you can’t squeeze in a book club or brunch or happy hour, pedicures or whatever it is, maybe assess a little bit more. Like, ‘O.K., well, how am I spending my time, and might there be a window in some of that time that actually allows for a real phone call or a walk around the block at lunch with one of my co-workers that I really like or whatever it might be?”
The author Laura Vanderkam credits tracking her time for helping her banish her “I’m too busy” mind-set. In making detailed notes on how she allotted her energy for a year, she found that “the stories I told myself about where my time went weren’t always true.” She suggests using an Excel spreadsheet with half-hour increments to track the day and using the Toggl app, for starters.
Once a clearer picture emerges of how one chooses to spend their time, it becomes possible to make positive, thoughtful changes.
Personal, small gestures are the way to go: Tailored, thoughtful text messages are a low-effort way to keep up connections when you’re short on time. The key is to share little bits of information about your day that your friend couldn’t glean from your Instagram feed or Snapchat story.
Ms. Kirmayer suggests making messages as personal as possible to show somebody you’re thinking about them.
“So remembering obviously big life events--things like birthdays are a given--but also maybe smaller things like: They had a doctor’s appointment coming up or you know they were going to have a stressful day at work and kind of checking in to see how it went,” she said. “Even a quick text message can go a long way.”
Ask questions that invite reveals (“How was your vacation? How’s your new job going?”) and avoid statements (“I hope you’re having a great day!” or “You’re in my thoughts”), which don’t tend to prompt meaningful back-and-forth exchanges.
Cultivate routines: Having a regular hang with your closest confidants can take the guesswork out of scheduling quality time.
“It might sound like you’re not aiming very high if you’re only going to see certain friends once a year, but if you have an annual barbecue or Memorial Day party or something, where it’s kind of a guarantee you’ll see certain friends,” Ms. Flora said, “that’s actually much better than kind of leaving it up to two people haggling over schedules.”
Another idea is multitask to combine your errands with some valuable BFF facetime. Ask a friend to come to your favorite spin class, join your book club or accompany you to a volunteer gig.
“The more things you can do together, potentially the more often you’ll be able to see each other,” Ms. Kirmayer said. “These repeated interactions are so important for keeping a friendship going.”
Come through when it counts: Another way to cement longstanding friendships when things are hectic is to go out of your way to attend any milestone events--fly in for the baby shower, attend the 40th birthday party, make an appearance at the retirement party. Just show up. There aren’t too many chances to make an impact in someone’s life, but if you move mountains and carve out time for your friend’s event, it’ll sustain a friendship for a long time.
“Once in a while, do a big gesture to those friends who you really, really care about and then that will kind of power the friendship for a while, even if you’re too busy to see each other,” Ms. Flora said. Being that person who comes through will “make that person feel loved and taken care of even if you’re not in constant contact.”
Ms. Nelson also suggests being aware of the three areas to measure and evaluate a functional friendship. The first area is positivity: laughter, affirmation, gratitude and any acts of service. The second is consistency, or having interactions on a continual basis, which makes people feel safe and close to each other. The third is vulnerability, which is the revealing and the sharing of our lives.
“Any relationship that doesn’t have those three things isn’t a healthy friendship,” Ms. Nelson said. If you’re noticing a cooling with a friend, usually one of these areas needs special consideration.
Knowing what makes a friendship tick is important because it allows us to be more effective, especially when time is in short supply. “Obviously we wouldn’t want a friendship to live on text messages, but it can certainly survive hectic times if we know where to put our energy,” Ms. Nelson said.
Acknowledge efforts made: While the energy expended to keep contact going may not always be equal, it’s important to be mindful of the attempts your friends make to connect. Reach out to nip resentment in the bud.
“If one person is consistently or chronically putting in more effort, issues can come up,” Ms. Kirmayer said. “Let your friend know that it means so much to you that they’re checking in so often and that you really appreciate it.”
She also recommends piping up if the balance feels off: “If you want them to kind of tone it down a little bit because you’re not able to respond all the time, you can say you feel really bad that you’re not able to get back to them all the time.” Addressing friends’ bids for attention can mean the difference between having a dear friendship flourish or fade during a frantic time.
“Most people just want to know they’re loved and thought of,” Ms. Nelson said. “If we can, like, give that validation and affirmation rather than just dismissing and saying we’re too busy, if we can kind of combine those things, most people understand and will still feel loved during that time.”
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prompt idea: archie gets jealous of bughead and one day tries to ask betty out & betty is confused because everyone knows she is dating jughead and jughead hears them & starts to act distant (cuz he thinks they are gonna break up) but betty tells him she loves him only.?
I’m sorry if this isn’t the best, I’m running on two days of no sleep and I going to be out of town so I had to post a quick something!!
The core four sat at their normal picnic table outside on a Friday. Jughead wrapped around Betty and Veronica and Archie platonically laughing about an inside joke they stole from “How I Met Your Mother”, all but one was happy. Archie Andrews. His eyes squinted by laughter lingered on Betty actions, Jughead’s arm slung around her holding her close, her hand on his cheek, both smiling at each other. That was his Betty, or so he thought. Ever since the dance he wanted Betty. He knew it was a dick move. But he had to have her, he can never stray from wanting the things he couldn’t have. He even pushed Veronica away to get Betty. Archie knew the second Betty knew Archie finally liked her she’d leave Jughead. No one is as good as Archie. A sly smirk gained its opacity on his face, he’s getting Betty Cooper.
“Hey Betty,” He said with a friendly laugh, “do you mind tutoring me after school again? Dad saw my grade in Math drop again.” He smiled at her, now this wasn’t totally a lie; he really did need tutoring in math… but this session will have a twist ending.
“Of course Archie, Math is my strong suit; you know that. We can meet at the Blue and Gold newsroom after the bell rings, okay?” She went back to talking to Jughead.
No one thought anything of this friendly gesture, it’s happened often with Archies terrible habit of keeping his grades low. This time, it was definitely different.
The final school bell rang, Jughead met her at her locker. They quickly talked over their plans for the day, Jughead would come pick her up and they’d go on a stay at home date…Jughead’s favorite kind.
“It’s really freaking cold in here Jug, you don’t feel it?”
“Betty, I’m pretty sure I’m immune to the cold. I can give you my flannel.” He started to unbutton the red flannel he was wearing.
“It’s okay, You don’t have a shirt on under that and I don’t need people staring at my boyfriend.” Jughead smiled at her subtle possessiveness. He was definitely more possessive over her, but it was cute on her.
Jughead quickly kissed her goodbye after murmuring a short “I love you. See you after you tutor the ginger jock” Betty hit him on the shoulder as he left. Archie lay in wait inside the empty room of the Blue and Gold newspaper; pacing. Betty knocked on the door and he waved her in with a smile.
“Ready Ginger Jock?” She gave him a small chuckle before she caught what she said
“Ginger Jock?” He twisted his face. It wasn’t cute like when Jughead did it, more like he ate something seriously sour.
“Sorry, it slipped. Juggie called you that before he left.” She blushed a heavy red and looked away. Luckily she didn’t see him roll his eyes.
Little did the two know that when Jughead went to his truck, he found her millennial pink cardigan laying on the passenger seat and remembered Betty didn’t have one. He smiled at himself as he re-entered the school and walked to his and Betty’s Blue and Gold newsroom, but his smile quickly faded as he stopped to listen in on the conversation taking place inside. He knew eavesdropping wasn’t a good thing, in fact, it was one of his worse habits; but in this case, he couldn’t help it. He stood with his back to the wall on the edge of the door.
“Betty?” He looked at her as she sat down next to him.
“Whats up Arch?” She looked at him oddly as he placed his hand on her thigh.
“I love you.” He smiles at her, he’ll get her. Jughead doesn’t even know whats coming.
Turning to Archies missing assignments, she begins working on them“I love you too Arch! Should we study now?”
Jughead’s eyes widen at the exchange. they mean in a sibling way right? He’s fighting the urge to storm in and steal Betty. But he wants to see how far this will go if it really does start going somewhere.
“No Betty, just wait on the studying, I need to seriously talk to you.” He slides his hand up just a centimeter but Betty really couldn’t notice. The only thing she was worried about was how dangerously close his face was getting to hers.
“Betty, when I told you I didn’t like you after the dance and I saw you walk away I realized you were all I wanted, I want to be your soulmate. I know I’m your soulmate.”
Betty paused to let it sink in, “What about Veronica? I thought you two were together!”
From Jughead’s point of view, it sounded like she was starting to agree. He slid down the wall, tears almost ready to make a grand appearance, he wiped his eyes and strained his ears back on the conversation. He moved to get up and stop it but something was holding him back, he wanted to know what she’d do.
“Bets,” Jughead balled his fist hearing that little twit calling Betty the nickname he used for her. That was his nickname. More importantly, that was his girl. His. He wasn’t gonna share with anyone. “It’s a platonic friendship, I want you.” He leaned in to give her what looked like a kiss. She sat there frozen, she was with Jughead. She only wanted Jughead, Archie had his chance and he blew it. Right when Betty put her hand up to stop him and say something, Jughead walked in. Betty rolled her eyes, “Why is it that right when you’re going to fix the situation someone walks in at the wrong moment?” She thought to herself. She pushed Archie off and punched him, right across the jaw. She had never done that before… she never had a reason to, but this was a good first punch. Bad situation, but good punch.
Jughead slammed her cardigan on the table, When Betty looked at him hard enough, you could see pink on his tear stained cheeks. He was crying, She hurt him.
“I came to give you your damn cardigan so you weren’t cold, but obviously you’re warm enough snuggling into Archie.” He fumed.
Archie wanted to break them apart. If he couldn’t have her, he didn’t want anyone to have her.
“Jug, sorry bro, she’s really into me.” He smiled a stupidly sly smile at him.
“Archie, do not call me Jug. I am not your bro. You deliberately went against me and wanted to ruin my happiness. You took the only thing that made me happy. Well, I hope my happiness turns into yours I guess.” He rolls his eyes and turns to leave.
“Jughead!” Betty calls for him.
“Forsythe Pendleton Jones!” hearing his birth name rolling off the tongue of his Betty Cooper stopped him dead in his tracks; he didn’t turn around, but he stopped and for Betty that was all he needed.
“I do not like Archie, at all. He had his chance and he blew it. I’m glad he did! Because I would’ve never fallen in love with you, Jughead. I love you! Do you really think I’d do that to you?” She took slow steps towards the still figure. She placed her hands on his shoulder to calm him, but he just pushed them off and turned to face the already crying girl.
“My mom left me, she took my sister. My dad doesn’t even talk to me anymore, he’s detached from me. I didn’t have anyone but you, and now you were just taken from me too, and by someone who I thought was my best friends. You were the only form of support I had.” He tears up with her.
“Jug, I-“ She reached up to his face but Jughead pushed her hands away, turned again and walked out. Betty rushed after him. The only thing she was quick enough to see was him turning his car on and driving out of the parking lot. She fiercely walked back into the newsroom and found Archie just casually on his phone like nothing just happened.
“Oh, hey babe!” He winked at her.
“I’m not your babe. In fact, I’m not your girlfriend, your babe, your friend. I don’t understand how someone I trusted, let alone wanted to be with could be this shallow, self-centered, and just a huge douche. Bye Andrews.” Betty walked past him. Swiped the desk clean just to be extra bitchy and make him pick up his scattered papers on the ground, and walked out the door.
She huffed and pulled her cardigan on as the weather started reflecting her mood. She had no ride home now, so she had to walk. About 15 minutes into her walk the clouds started to cry, or at least that what she called it. There was a massive down pour and she still has about 20 minutes left. How wonderful she thought.
She was pulled out of her trance when a truck pulled up next to her. It was Jugheads truck, but Jughead wasn’t the one driving it. FP Jones tracked Betty Cooper down in this rain after his son got home and told him Betty wasn’t going to be attending. Usually, he wouldn’t pay attention, but this was a different mood change. Jughead kept his head low, grabbed a beer from the fridge and walked straight to his room.
Jughead asked his dad to see if he could find her. He was too afraid to confront her at the moment
FP rolled the window down and whistled at her, “Betty, get in the car.”
Betty hoped in as she shivered from the rain starting to dry and become cold. Both Fp and Betty were under the impression that they were going to Betty’s to drop her off, but in a spontaneous rotation, FP made a right turn in the direction of going to the trailer.
“Look BettyBoop,” That’s what FP began to call her a few months after they started dating.
“I don’t know the full story and I won’t pretend to. But I know Jugheads hurt, I know you’re hurt, you need to talk to him. As a matter of fact, thats where we’re heading right now!”
Betty leaned her elbow against the window attaching her head to her hand to watch the rain fall down the glass of the window, soon dozing off.
“Ms.Boop, wake up, we’re at the trailer.
She nodded and got out of the car and opened the door slowly, heading slowly to Jugheads room. Knocking on the door, she heard Jughead dismiss whom he thought was his dad until she walked in anyways.
“Jughead, I understand you’re mad at me. But I swear I was pushing him away as you walked in, things always just happen at the wrong time with me.” He laid on his bed with his back to the wall and Betty knelt onto the soft gray sheets to be closer to him.
“It not that I’m mad at you, well a bit. But I can’t believe Archie just went behind my back. You’re mine. You’re my girlfriend. What does he not understand, I wouldn’t just go stealing Veronica.”
“Jughead you can be mad at me for as long as you wish, but I’m gonna stay here until you decide. Please don’t shut me out juggie, I only want you. I will only ever want you. I want to be able to grow up and get married, I wanna see our wedding. I don’t want anyone else, they’ll never be my Jughead Jones.
“I’m still a bit pissed, not as much at you. I realize now you were trying to get away from him, but you want to get married to me?” He asked purely shocked.
“That’s really the only thing you took from what I was saying?” She smiled and cupped his cheek.
“well that and little us’ running around, it’ll be perfect, we would be perfect”
“The Archie situation was not what I had in mind for today but at least you’re here with me and not him.”
God I hate him.
“At least Juggie, at least.” Betty reaches to give Jughead the biggest kiss for having a big ass heart.
#Bughead#bughead fanfiction#riverdale bughead#bughead fam#bughead fandom#riverdale#riverdale season two#riverdale fanfiction#Lili Reinhart#cole sprouse#betty x jughead#betty cooper#lilicole#jughead jones#forsythe jones ii#sprousehart
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How To Beat Your Mental Roadblocks And Why It Can Be The Difference Between A Happy, Satisfying Life And A Sad, Fearful Existence
1. Set a specific goal
a. Write this goal down somewhere you can see it every morning when you wake up, and every night before you sleep
i. Train your thoughts to remember this goal daily and keep it in the forefront of your mind
b. Goals must include both of the following:
i. A measurable metric ("10 pounds" or "2 dress sizes")
ii. A deadline or time frame ("June 30th" or "2 weeks", preferably use both)
c. Here are some bad goals
i. "Lose 20 pounds"
ii. "Get lean"
iii. "Look hot for beach season"
d. Here are some good goals:
i. "Lose 50 pounds before beach season (June 30th)"
ii. "Drop 1 dress size in the next 2 weeks (November 25th)"
iii. "Lose 4 inches from my waist in the next 6 weeks (December 25th)"
e. Every 2 weeks or every month, review your goal and adjust it based on your progress so far
2. Understand that everybody needs a "Harajuku Moment"
a. This moment is an "an epiphany that turns a nice-to-have into a must-have." Without this tipping point, you will fail.
b. This was first popularized by Tim Ferriss in the 4 Hour Body, and it has been crucial for all major obstacles I've overcome in my life
c. Until I had the psychic shift which turned "I want to lose weight" to "I must lose weight", I never had lasting success.
3. Relax and ease your mind with meditating
a. Start with just 2 minutes a day and slowly build the habit.
b. Add 1 or 2 minutes each week, until you're up to 10-20 minutes daily.
c. This can come in the form of prayer to, or a mix of both.
4. Write a very short, simple daily journal in which you record "wins", priorities, and gratitude
a. Every evening take just 2-3 minutes and write down 3 "wins"/things that went well today.
i. This can be something major "prepared and packed all meals for the week" or something very simple like "paid my phone bill".
ii. We all deserve great things, yourself included. Let these "wins" serve as a daily reminder of the positive momentum you're making towards your dreams.
b. Also, plan out 3-5 things you want to get done throughout the day.
i. This "priorities" list makes it clear what needs to get done to reach your goals.
ii. By keeping it at a max of 5 things to do, we keep the list manageable and doable in a daily basis.
iii. Imagine how productive you would be in just 1 month if you did anywhere between 3-5 things every day in pursuit of your goals.
c. Lastly, record a very simple daily "gratitude list"
i. Basically, write the names of people you're grateful for today
ii. For me, this usually comes in the form of family, close friends, co-workers, and anybody else you feel has had an impact on you, on a certain day.
iii. Feel free to write things/material possessions or spiritual things also
On certain days, I may even write down how grateful I am for the simple things like having a roof over my head and a warm meal at night.
This is made even more clear to me from walking around lower Manhattan at 9 a.m. and seeing homeless, penniless young people my age (25 y.o) who slept on the street overnight, in a thin sleeping bag, with 30-degree temperatures outside.
iv. This is a daily reminder that whether you have just 1 person or 1 thing, or if you have 20 things to be grateful for, you're doing OK, and no matter what obstacles you're stuck with, you'll be OK.
5. If you feel out of place in the gym, repeat this simple mantra a few times to remind yourself to work hard and stop thinking that people are watching and judging you:
i. "You look amazing. No one is watching you. Keep up the good work."
6. Every weekend choose 2 meals each for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Write them down in your journal or in a safe place.
a. Then head to the grocery store and buy the ingredients you need
b. Then cook the 1st set of these meals to last you 3-4 days.
c. Once these run out (usually on a Wednesday or Thursday, if you cook on Sunday), cook the 2nd set of the meals to last you til the weekend.
d. As a result, remove all barriers and unnecessary "thinking" attached to food choices.
7. Look at other "little things" in your life that take up big chunks of mental space, and hack away at the unessential. Some of my personal examples:
a. I use Mint.com to track spending, and I use CreditKarma.com to monitor my credit score.
i. Instead of constantly thinking about how much money I "need", I start by identifying weak points/unnecessary spending
b. I never watch the news on TV. I'll occasionally talk to people for a few minutes to hear what's going on in the world, or if I have a few free minutes I'll scroll through the major articles online.
i. As a result, I have much less stress, more positivity, and don't worry myself/build an unhealthy fear around things that are 100% out of my control.
c. I've cut out "binge" TV watching, and instead spend time doing productive things that allow me to help other people (and feel amazing as a result), like writing this book and building up a health business.
i. I'll occasionally watch an episode of something that makes me laugh like Family Guy or The Office if I want to de-stress a bit
ii. I try to never watch TV series and/or dramas since they are very, very easy to get addicted to. (I make a weekly exception when Game of Thrones is on).
iii. Don't be that guy or girl who watches 6 hours of the Walking Dead or one of their 7 other "can't miss" TV series, and gets nothing done for themselves.
d. I have 7 "nice shirts" (5 dress shirts and 2 sweaters) and 8 "nice pants" (5 dress slacks and 3 pairs of jeans/casual pants).
i. These are all well-fitting and comfortable, and I just rotate this week by week.
ii. I no longer worry about what to wear in the morning or how I'll look or anything meaningless like that.
iii. Live is much, much simpler in the morning. (I can actually get ready, from bed to the front door, in less than 7 minutes on any given day. Sure it's a bit rushed, but it works like a charm.)
iv. Also, I used to always worry that "people saw me wear this shirt last Tuesday, I can't wear it again!!". This is crazy. Trust me, no one cares to remember what you've worn on any given day, so stick to a few simple clothing choices and just rotate them every 7-10 days.
Remember: None of these strategies will work for you if you don't do them! So get to it!!
Interested in losing weight? Then click below to see the exact steps I took to lose weight and keep it off for good...
Read the previous article about "Part 4 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality"
Read the next article about "Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Time: The Body Type Solution To Quick, Lasting Results"
Moving forward, there are several other articles/topics I'll share so you can lose weight even faster, and feel great doing it.
Below is a list of these topics and you can use this Table of Contents to jump to the part that interests you the most.
Topic 1: How I Lost 30 Pounds In 90 Days - And How You Can Too
Topic 2: How I Lost Weight By Not Following The Mainstream Media And Health Guru's Advice - Why The Health Industry Is Broken And How We Can Fix It
Topic 3: The #1 Ridiculous Diet Myth Pushed By 95% Of Doctors And "experts" That Is Keeping You From The Body Of Your Dreams
Topic 4: The Dangers of Low-Carb and Other "No Calorie Counting" Diets
Topic 5: Why Red Meat May Be Good For You And Eggs Won't Kill You
Topic 6: Two Critical Hormones That Are Quietly Making Americans Sicker and Heavier Than Ever Before
Topic 7: Everything Popular Is Wrong: The Real Key To Long-Term Weight Loss
Topic 8: Why That New Miracle Diet Isn't So Much of a Miracle After All (And Why You're Guaranteed To Hate Yourself On It Sooner or Later)
Topic 9: A Nutrition Crash Course To Build A Healthy Body and Happy Mind
Topic 10: How Much You Really Need To Eat For Steady Fat Loss (The Truth About Calories and Macronutrients)
Topic 11: The Easy Way To Determining Your Calorie Intake
Topic 12: Calculating A Weight Loss Deficit
Topic 13: How To Determine Your Optimal "Macros" (And How The Skinny On The 3-Phase Extreme Fat Loss Formula)
Topic 14: Two Dangerous "Invisible Thorn" Foods Masquerading as "Heart Healthy Super Nutrients"
Topic 15: The Truth About Whole Grains And Beans: What Traditional Cultures Know About These So-called "Healthy Foods" That Most Americans Don't
Topic 16: The Inflammation-Reducing, Immune-Fortifying Secret of All Long-Living Cultures (This 3-Step Process Can Reduce Chronic Pain and Heal Your Gut in Less Than 24 Hours)
Topic 17: The Foolproof Immune-enhancing Plan That Cleanses And Purifies Your Body, While "patching Up" Holes, Gaps, And Inefficiencies In Your Digestive System (And How To Do It Without Wasting $10+ Per "meal" On Ridiculous Juice Cleanses)
Topic 18: The Great Soy Myth (and The Truth About Soy in Eastern Asia)
Topic 19: How Chemicals In Food Make Us Fat (Plus 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply)
Topic 20: 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply
Topic 21: How To Protect Yourself Against Chronic Inflammation (What Time Magazine Calls A "Secret Killer")
Topic 22: The Truth About Buying Organic: Secrets The Health Food Industry Doesn't Want You To Know
Topic 23: Choosing High Quality Foods
Topic 24: A Recipe For Rapid Aging: The "Hidden" Compounds Stealing Your Youth, Minute by Minute
Topic 25: 7 Steps To Reduce AGEs and Slow Aging
Topic 26: The 10-second Trick That Can Slash Your Risk Of Cardiovascular Mortality By 37% (Most Traditional Cultures Have Done This For Centuries, But The Pharmaceutical Industry Would Be Up In Arms If More Modern-day Americans Knew About It)
Topic 27: How To Clean Up Your Liver and Vital Organs
Topic 28: The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)
Topic 29: How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You
Topic 30: 7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)
Topic 31: How To Sleep Like A Baby (And Wake Up Feeling Like A Boss)
Topic 32: The 8-step Formula That Finally "fixes" Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested (If You Ever Find Yourself Hitting The Snooze Every Morning Or Dozing Off At Work, These Steps Will Change Your Life Forever)
Topic 33: For Even Better Leg Up And/or See Faster Results In Fixing Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested, Do The Following:
Topic 34: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality
Topic 35: Part 1 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality
Topic 36: Part 2 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality
Topic 37: Part 3 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality
Topic 38: Part 4 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality
Topic 39: How To Beat Your Mental Roadblocks And Why It Can Be The Difference Between A Happy, Satisfying Life And A Sad, Fearful Existence (These Strategies Will Reduce Stress, Increase Productivity And Show You How To Fulfill All Your Dreams)
Topic 40: Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Time: The Body Type Solution To Quick, Lasting Results
Topic 41: If You Want Maximum Results In Minimum Time You're Going To Have To Work Out (And Workout Hard, At That)
Topic 42: Food Planning For Maximum Fat Loss In Minimum Time
Topic 43: How To Lose Weight Fast If You're in Chronic Pain
Topic 44: Nutrition Basics for Fast Pain Relief (and Weight Loss)
Topic 45: How To Track Results (And Not Fall Into the Trap That Ruins 95% of Well-Thought Out Diets)
Topic 46: Advanced Fat Loss - Calorie Cycling, Carb Cycling and Intermittent Fasting
Topic 47: Advanced Fat Loss - Part I: Calorie Cycling
Topic 48: Advanced Fat Loss - Part II: Carb Cycling
Topic 49: Advanced Fat Loss - Part III: Intermittent Fasting
Topic 50: Putting It All Together
Learn more by visiting our website here: invigoratenow.com
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Ponderables
Heads up. This is not a tale of woe, nor a pity party, but a collective of observations, mulled and spiced recently in the cauldron of my own head. If you care not for navel-gazing, you are welcome to stop reading here, no harm, no foul.
2018 has brought it’s challenges for myself and our household . Nothing horrible, in fact far from it, but if you think of water dripping slowly over time against a surface, it can eventually make itself a space and given enough time, put a hole in solid rock. Watching and/or anticipating each drop can be downright maddening. But in the end, the landscape, internal and external, changes. I have felt unwell in body and spirit for a good part of this year, assuming that stress and misplaced-expectations had a lot to do with that. Turns out there’s more to it, and no I do not have some horrible, terminal illness. Too many of our contemporaries have endured or are enduring way more than I could possibly imagine, but I have only my own stuff as a frame of reference, so that’s is the one thing I can authentically speak to.
My Beloved and I have a dream-in-progress that involves a small home on a bit of land, to live sustainably within simple means. We’ve long been working steadily toward it and believed that 2018 would bring it to fruition, but it looks like we will be waiting a little longer and we’ve recently made the choice to be consciously okay with that. Back in January, we thought we had found our place. I had just been unexpectedly fired through company re-structuring, so moving us forward became my full-time job and a welcome recovery distraction. We readied our house for sale and made plans.I even closed my part-time massage practice after 22 years. At the 11th hour, our buyers backed out, and we lost the northern property we’d been looking at. We took our For Sale sign down, explained to the people who’d already arranged farewell send-offs, and we started looking again. I found some tidy employment that was physical and low-stress and paid decently: until I got injured through no fault of the people I was employed by, but by one of their contractors. I could not continue the job I’d enjoyed. Through the kindness of friends who own a business, I found employment I could learn from and they generously took me on. I am a hard worker and pretty mindful, but my insides began to act up in ways I wasn’t used to and my sick time began to pile up. We’d found another house to purchase and put our own back on the market by this point, but things just weren’t progressing and I also was surprised to find myself in residual chronic pain...a first for me since I have always been strong of body. Discovering the joys of a great osteopath took care of the physical pain beautifully but I still wasn’t feeling quite myself. My own Doc of 30 years was away for a while dealing with cancer of her own, and I didn’t really care to start fresh with someone who didn’t know me, so I plodded along. Once again, we had a buyer who after hard negotiations that saw us drop considerably in asking price, backed out at the very last minute. And a second time, we lost the property we’d pinned our hopes on to someone else. I took it all quite personally even though in the end, it really was just business.
We both had been so ready to move on. We live in a fantastic neighbourhood, but our home is smaller than most, just 2 bedrooms, and even though quite a few buyers returned for second and third viewings, they could not see a way to make it bigger without building an addition. Too small for a student rental or a growing family, and too old for a single professional first-time buyer. Fair enough. The feeling of coming to a complete stall, not once but twice left us rather baffled about what the Universe might have up it’s sleeve, and we still don’t know. We’re trying to be patient, and keep perspective. But it has been a very long and exhausting process. It got to the point where no matter what I did I was not sleeping more than 2 hours a night, and was therefore cranky, impatient, sloppy, and not thinking at all clearly. Missing so much work didn’t help my sense of groundless-ness. I felt lost and completely ineffective. I consciously withdrew from friends and social situations, knowing I was not good company. My Beloved suffered in her own quieter way and we reassured one another, hand in hand, no matter what. But keeping the house tidy and having strangers wandering through several times a week for months on end is daunting on it’s own. Property-hunting at a distance is also tiring and frustrating. We KNOW how incredibly fortunate and privileged we are in the greater scheme of things, but this breath-holding was how we were spending our year, while still trying to be supportive of others in our lives who were hurting in other ways. Sometimes all you can really do is bear witness and stand by in case you are needed. We did our best.
So....finally I got to see my own Doc a week ago ( she is doing extremely well now thank heavens) and we ran the gamut of basic tests. I asked to be referred to a good nutritionist as well. Every time a new set of results came in, Doc would text me the lab page with a comment; “Your Vitamin D is in the toilet, start 2000 I.U. daily. Today!” Then; “ You haven’t been keeping up your iron...get back at it please. Your liver isn’t happy.” Turns out, both iron and Vitamin D are critical for good sleep and lowering stress. Aha! Something I could actually control. I have also used a CPAP for years and it turns out my mask was leaking, so a new mask helped. Three simple fixes. I am up to 4 hours of sleep a night already, expecting to improve.
Then came her latest text: “I’m sorry to tell you, but you are now officially diabetic. Re-jig your diet , look at your exercise,and we will repeat the blood-work in 3 months. Call me if you need to.” I saw on the lab report exactly what she was talking about. I come from two families riddled with diabetics, so it wasn’t a huge shock. But,it also turns out that the biggest contributors to tipping into the diabetic zone are long term insomnia and long term stress. Well, now. I could hear the puzzle pieces landing with a resounding thud. The very good news, is that we caught it early enough that I have an excellent chance to successfully manage and possibly even reverse it if I take action now. Which I am doing. No meds required. My glucometer goes everywhere with me and I am quickly learning a whole new normal, but small things like getting up 45 minutes early to shovel heavy wet snow this morning can skew my numbers and insulin requirements enough to bring me home early from work today feeling like crap. I’m learning some stuff the hard way, but I’m learning.
What’s my point? Well, I guess it’s just this:
Life is so precious and we North-of-55-ers have some reckoning to do if we are to stick around for good long innings. Some smartypants-ers among us saw this coming and got to the gym and cleaned the crap out of their cupboards in preparation. Some of us bolstered our souls with a return to church or have taken up a spiritual practice involving simultaneous honouring of the physical body. But I have discovered that about 40% of my contemporaries have in the last couple of years had to learn to cope with chronic health issues that crept up insidiously while we were all still pretending we were 35 and could get away with stuff. Instead we are discovering that if we aren’t minding the store, age-related illnesses sneak in and swipe the things we have taken for granted, leaving the shelves bare of valuables like energy, concentration, ease of movement, and overall well-being.
It’s been a stressful, draining, somewhat disappointing year. My overly-bountiful body, always strong and ready to dance, has become needy for overdue attention. My brain is tired of running on fumes and both my acuity and my interests have dulled. I kept pushing, emotionally and physically figuring it would all just pass if I tried a little harder...until it became so much harder to try. Cramming fuel-carbs in place of sleep made me sick. The warning lights on my dashboard were blinking and I chose to ignore them until the whole engine seized up. I am very lucky that I get a chance to fix it. But what if it had been something much more serious that I couldn’t fix? Iron, Vitamin D, and an ageing pancreas can bring a list of unwelcome relatives to the door, standing impatiently on the porch waiting for a chance to invade and put down roots. Depression, anxiety, bone, organ, and tissue damage. I will never be immune to cancer or MS or a host of other possibilities, but I can do those things that remain within my control and that I should have been mindful of long before they smacked me right in the limping, insomniac,harder-to -employ-each-year visceral guts. Bi-focals don’t help with hindsight, but should have reminded me to have some extra foresight.
This ain’t no pity-party, table for one. Nor is there any point in self-flagellation. But 40% is significant, and I have slipped so quietly over that line to join the ranks of those with age-related chronic disease.I intend to climb back over the wall, and I will, but I waited too long to ask for help, and explained the warning signs away rather than getting them checked out. We all know better. It’s reminding ourselves to DO better that becomes ever more critical. And it really is never too late to start. I am replacing arrogance with gratitude, and denial needs to become a personal river I can swim or paddle my canoe in for both the exercise and the joy of it. I am not Betty White on a football field and a Snickers bar isn’t going to be my saviour.(It was a Superbowl commercial, you can YouTube it).
Please my friends and fristers and partners in all-sorts: check in with yourself and see if you are a quart low somewhere or need your tires rotated. If you are feeling “off” then there is probably a reason and most likely something you can do about it, particularly if you make it a priority. We aren’t 35 anymore and we don’t have the same amount of bounce-back. Life can wear you down when you push hard without perspective. We aren’t raised to put ourselves first and it isn’t our comfort zone, so we have to make it one. There are bucket-list trips ahead, spontaneous dancing to grocery-store 1970s Musak, milestones to celebrate, and one another to nudge along the next untried section of road. It comes with speed bumps and potholes, but it’s still a journey well worth taking. Remember to pack some healthy snacks and build in time for naps. Drink lots of water, between the hard-earned glasses of good wine. We have at least 40 years left to fill with adventures, and to spout hard-earned wisdom to the upstarts, and to listen to one another’s stories. Some of us will have it harder than others and we need to keep ourselves tuned up for the times we are really needed. I sincerely apologise to those whose phone calls and texts I haven’t returned because I have been quietly avoiding reality and hoping to get my shit together. I will probably never completely group my poop, but I ain’t ready for diapers just yet either. Time goes much faster than we do now. Fitbit and fibre cookies, here I come!
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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and I don’t pretend to be either. This is just a post about what worked for us. This is a post that is past due too. I have several friends who are asking for help, especially at this time of year. A couple years ago my son, age 3, developed a small patch of eczema behind one knee. It developed out of nowhere, the day we returned from an annual vacation with my in laws. When it first started it was the size of a dime, and I don’t think it got any bigger than a half dollar. The problem was, in addition to this quarter sized, come and go again rash, he had a bloated come again go again belly. While he didn’t really have potty issues, he tooted like a grown man (he is going to love me for this one when he grows up). He had his first ear infection. My mommy instinct knew this wasn’t right, especially since I have an older son with no issues like this to compare. I knew what healthy looked like, and something wasn’t right.
Don’t get me wrong, he was still a very healthy kid. He just wasn’t at the level of healthy I was used to. Every time I think I have something figured out…I eat HUMBLE PIE. How could my kid have eczema? I nursed him YEARS. As in beyond 3. We ALWAYS ate organic. I mean, literally 98% of what we buy is organic. I soaked and sprouted all my grains and beans, cooked from scratch, etc. There weren’t any chemicals, dyes, none of that. But 3 was far beyond the age when eczema normally develops. Beyond the age of ear infections. He was a ridiculously healthy baby and toddler. Why all of a sudden?
Notice that little bloated belly? This is right when it started. Lots of great vacations with lots of not so great food.
Most children, 75% as per studies, develop eczema from cow’s milk around the age of one year. The other 15% is from wheat. 10% is the “other”, but usually part of the nasty nine that make up food allergies. But unlike most families, ours makes a conscious effort to not drink cow’s milk period. I don’t buy any dairy whatsoever. So clearly that wasn’t the cause. We don’t eat much wheat either, although not religiously. I took my son for bloodwork, to several doctors, nothing showed up. I was told by a pediatric allergist in Princeton that eczema behind the knees, on the back of the arms, and/or face was a definite reaction to food. However, after extensive testing, no allergies ever showed up. His conclusion was he was a healthy boy and a small spot of eczema was not a big deal. Thanks.
I had a major issue with this. There is this “trifecta” that all in the medical field know about. Eczema, allergies, and asthma. I didn’t want my child to have anything to do with that trifecta. Doctors prescribe steroid creams to shut down a child’s immune system to make the rash go away. This totally disrupts a child’s hormones. What happens when this child is older? What are the effects? Skin discoloration? Is that all? How about, FIND OUT WHAT THE HELL IS MAKING A HEALTHY CHILD HAVE A RASH?
I am have the utmost respect for physicians. They dedicate a huge portion of their lives towards education in making people better. While most of us are out living our lives, having fun, spending time with family; they are working long and hard hours selflessly. Doctors are good. They see so many diseases, viruses, disorders, bacterias, etc…I can see how in the scope of things, a small patch of eczema is harmless. They are seeing things FAR FAR worse. Some children have eczema that is severe enough they need steroids. If my child’s eczema was causing him severe discomfort, I probably would do anything to give him relief. His really wasn’t awful, or consistent…it just drove me crazy. This blog is not to shame anyone for doing what is best for their baby nor doctors for giving some kids much needed relief. Some are perfectly fine with a cream or a pill. Everyone does what is right in their own hearts for their child. For me, steroid cream was not an option. I can see how it would be for others and how it would be for doctors. I GET IT. I was NUTS, HYSTERICAL, OBSESSED for months over this tiny little rash. I literally went off the deep end trying to figure out what was different. I kept food diaries, journals, you name it. The problem was, it was a tiny patch that came and went. It wasn’t even always there. I was literally scoffed at by doctors for making such a big deal over it. My brother, in med school at the time, said he was going to sneak in while he was sleeping and put a little hydrocortisone creme on it to stop the madness.
So to make a long story short, a few years back…I totally WHOLE THIRTIED my kid. Actually my whole family. Mind you I was raised a vegetarian. I still haven’t eaten any meat at all. The rest of my family sure does. I do my very best to be sure I buy the highest quality, ethically raised food I can for them, that makes a big difference in comparison to factory farmed meats. We eat lots of WILD fish, never farm raised. I DID NOT RESTRICT carbs or sugar what so ever. I would not in anyway, shape or form recommend cutting carbohydrates from a child’s diet. I simply followed the Whole 30 rules, kind of loosely. We never really ate much plain sugar, but I sweetened things with maple syrup or honey. I did the best I could to keep him grain, dairy, and legume free. I wanted my boy healthy.
NO GRAINS.
NO BEANS. This includes soy and peanuts. Peanuts are legumes, not nuts.
NO DAIRY
This sounds insane. What is left, right? My take on how to make this, and any other dietary change for that matter feasible is to ALWAYS FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN EAT, NOT WHAT YOU CANNOT. After a few short days of doing this my son’s belly went from descended to flat. No rash. Gone. Years later we still loosely follow this protocol. Let me emphasize EXTREMELY loosely. We do eat sprouted bread and whole sprouted grains a few times a week at this point. It has been almost a full two years and he has not had any issues since. Knock wood.
We eat whole foods. My Jesseism on why this works is minimal exposure to genetically modified foods. I cannot believe there is not a total UPROAR about what is going on with our food supply. Kids are DYING from anaphylactic shock from mild allergies out of nowhere. 1 in 13 is thought to have a food allergy. In a group of ten immediate friends, about half of the kids have food and/or seasonal allergies. This is just my anecdotal observation. My parents can’t even fathom this. This was not the case with my generation, nor was it with theirs.
So this is for my friends out there and all the mommies and daddies who are not cool with steroid cremes and medications. Those who have reached out to me and are on a mission. I found this super easy after a month or so. Here are 10 go to breakfast, lunches, dinners, and snacks. Keep in mind, my kids literally will eat anything. I rotate meals like crazy. This ISN’T really necessary.
As long as it is approached with a child as, “we are going to eat these healthy foods to make your skin feel better”, it doesn’t really matter if a child eats the same one or two meals for breakfast everyday. Keep in mind if a child has a nut allergy, there are always alternatives. I listed some below, but feel free to ask questions in comments. Make sure the child knows why they are eating certain foods. If possible, take kids to an apple orchard, grocery store, farm, berry picking, grow veggies…it peeks their interest in the food itself.
BREAKFAST
Fried Eggs and Plaintains
Grain Free Granola (all nuts and/or seeds) with Bananas and Coconut Milk– This is our “cereal”. I buy Trader Joe’s Grain Free Granola, or I grind up pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds, etc. Add a dairy free milk of choice, a fruit, a little honey. YUM.
Sweet Potato Toast with Nut Butter-Loads of Pinterest ideas on this one.
Chia Seed Pudding with Fruit
Turkey Bacon and Roasted Potatoes
Grain Free Pancakes-Eggs blended with banana, or squash, or plantains and fried. Again, a simple Pinterest search and there are lots of recipes. I don’t even follow the recipes, I put everything in the blender, add milk until its the right consistency, and cook over low heat. The low heat is KEY.
Coconut or Almond Yogurt with Nuts, Seeds, and or Fruit
Whitefish Salad or Smoked Salmon with Tomato with Scallions and Capers and Grain Free Crackers
Flax Seed Pudding with Berries
Roasted Butternut Squash with Maple Syrup or Pumpkin Butter and Chicken Sausage
LUNCH
Hard Boiled Eggs with Carrots and Guacamole
Organic Turkey Roll Ups with Grain Free Crackers and Coconut Cheese
Salmon Salad with Diced Carrots, Scallions, and Celery
Tuna Salad with Diced Celery, Scallions, and Dried Cranberries
Chicken Soup-I use cauliflower rice in ours and potatoes in ours.
Cauliflower Rice Sushi
Apple and Sunbutter or Nutbutter Sandwiches
Organic Hot Dogs and French Fries
Chop Salad with Nuts and/or Protein of Choice
Salmon Burgers, Fresh Veggies, Sweet Potato Fries
DINNER
This is easy. This protein and veggies. Every night. These are some of my family’s favorites.
Roasted Chicken and Vegetables
Sautéed Chicken Sausage, Peppers, Onions, Spaghetti Squash
Sautéed Flounder in Lemon, Thyme, and Capers with Spinach and Mash Potatoes.
Grilled Mahi Mahi Collard Wrap Tacos, cabbage lime cilantro slaw, cauliflower rice and sweet potato salad.
Grass fed Burgers, French Fries, Roasted Veggies
Seafood Cioppino over Zucchini Noodles
Wild Shrimp, Onions, Garlic, Spinach, Zucchini Noodles
Grilled Scallop Kabobs with Vegetables
Zucchini, Onions, Tomatoes, Ground Turkey with Spaghetti Squash
Coconut Milk Curried Vegetables and/or Protein of Choice
SNACKS
Plantain Chips or Banana Chips
Grain Free Crackers
Trader Joe’s Handful of Nut Packs
Coconut/Almond Milk Yogurt or Rubie Rockets
ANY FRUIT with Nut Butter
Roasted Seaweed
Fresh Fruit and Veggie Smoothies
Larabars or Homemade “Fudge Babies”
Apple Sauce and Veggie Pouches
Potato Chips, Kale Chips, Broccolli Bites, etc. Any chip that doesn’t have grains or beans.
*If a nut allergy is an issue, the following substitutions can be made:
NUT BUTTER-Sunbutter (I love Trader Joe’s despite the added sugar, it is minimal and makes a HUGE difference in taste.)
MILK-Rice, Hemp, or Flax Milk
ANY NUT-Sub Hemp, Chia, Flax, or Sunflower Seeds
COCONUT OIL-Ghee
YOGURT-Rice Milk Yogurt
The good news is little man can pretty much eat anything at this point without that rash appearing. So after following this strictly for about 10 months, we reached the point where he can occasionally eat whatever he wants with very little issues. In simpler terms, I still loosely follow this protocol as mentioned above, but when we are out to eat, at a party, etc…he eats things like pizza without the cheese, grass-fed burgers with buns, etc. I do occasionally buy wheat from ITALY, because that does not bother my husband or son. Italy has banned genetically modified foods, this may be why. We realized this after my husband noticing a local brick oven pizza place didn’t bother him at all. The wheat was from Italy and fermented three days. Non-GMO!!!
What I am UBER strict over is dairy. His ear infections were on the holidays, literally Christmas and the day after Easter. I let my kids eat whatever they want on the holidays, but after making this very easy correlation, we stay CLEAR of dairy. Ear infections suck. Totally not worth it. He doesn’t even want anything to do with it himself. Smart boy.
I shared what I have done with adults, and adults with children. Each I shared with who followed religiously have had successes. In fact, some husbands who simply followed what their wives and children were eating figured out how allergic to some foods they actually were, without even actively trying! A site that has a plethora of information regarding ECZEMA is solveeczema.org This mama was on such a mission, she is actually being published in several medical journals. There are two types of Eczema, and she addresses how to figure out which your child has. Some children actually have BOTH types.
I really hope this information helps some loved ones, sorry it so overdue!
How We Said Goodbye to Eczema with the WHOLE FOODS Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and I don't pretend to be either. This is just a post about what worked for us.
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