i love all the queer film parallels to byler but get the 13 reasons why one out of here i did not write a ten page paper my freshman year of film school on how mentally damaging that show was for you to remind me it exists when im tryna enjoy my fun little 80s gay monster show

Chasing Shadows (in the grocery line)

This is my contribution to the Harringrove Relay Race! (@harringrove-relay-race)✨

I was passed the baton by the lovely @imsodishy, and I'm honored to close out the relay race with this piece. I've loved seeing all the beautiful creations coming out of this event and I'm blushing at even being considered alongside creators like these. summary:

What had he done to deserve this?

Billy's chest grew cold and achy as he stared at a tousled blonde head of hair, looking at his mother for the first time in years. Except she wasn’t his mother. Just a woman who could be her long-lost twin, if not for the color of her eyes — a cold gray compared to his mother’s ocean blues. tags: pre-relationship, post s2, panic attacks, implied/referenced child abuse, billy sees a woman who looks like his mother and doesn't handle it well, steve harrington is a sweetheart, emotional hurt/comfort, billy hargrove needs a hug word count: 3.4k

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

Hawkins Indiana had been personally designed to be Billy’s own realm of hell, he was sure of it. 

It had been one thing to shoulder the previous levels of misery this town had to offer. The simpering girls with jelly spines in their pastel sweater sets and Indiana’s hilly, woodsy stretches of land with not a drop of saltwater in sight. Did it matter that every single house looked like it had been popped out of one of three molds? He only had to tolerate this place until the day he turned eighteen, at which point he intended to jump in his car and drive until he got back to California. 

It wasn’t worth bothering to ask why he would have earned such a punishment. He was at least self-aware enough to know he wasn’t exactly the pinnacle of kindness and social grace- he was sure plenty of people had quietly wished him to fall into the flames on more than one occasion. 

But this… what had he done to deserve this?

His chest grew cold and achy as he stared at a tousled blonde head of hair, looking at his mother for the first time in years. 

Except she wasn’t his mother. 

Just a woman who could be her long-lost twin, if not for the color of her eyes — a cold gray compared to his mother’s ocean blues.

His breath caught in his throat, bile lingering on the back of his tongue, but he couldn’t look away. It was like the supermarket tiles had grown vines, wrapped around his legs until he couldn’t have moved even if he’d been on fire. 

The woman was around the same age his mother had been the last time he’d seen her, too. Her face was youthful, untouched by age or stress or misery. Features soft in a way only reminiscent of the version of Dianna Hargrove that came out when Neil was away. 

The pounding of his heart was making him dizzy, the woman he couldn’t tear his gaze from utterly oblivious to the damage she was doing to him on a molecular level by simply existing here, in this place, at the same time as him. 

Panic was creeping up his throat- or maybe he was going to be sick. That was also a strong possibility. His vision was starting to pulse at the edges. He needed to get out of here; he needed to—

A hand clasped down on his shoulder, warm and firm, and Billy couldn’t control the violent flinch it earned from him. The hand moved immediately at the jolt, lifting in a gesture of surrender. 

Wild blue eyes followed the arm attached to the hand towards its owner. He took in spattered moles that itched at his brain but couldn’t quite connect why through the wash of panic until he turned his gaze up the rest of the way. 

Steve Harrington stared at him with eyes that were too soft, too big and concerned. He wasn’t used to seeing that expression on Harrington’s face and the perceived pity made him bristle. 

“Don’t fucking touch me.” He muttered, but it lacked the bite that may usually have been present. Billy hated the way his voice trembled like a scared little kid, keeping his gaze as far away from the dairy aisle as he could now. 

Harrington paused, brows furrowing in the middle, and he let out a little sigh in response to Billy’s order. Less irritated by his attitude than normal, more resigned, like a toddler had poured juice on his shoe. He wiggled his fingers as though in reminder that they were nowhere near Billy now, which made the blonde grit his teeth together. 

Then- in a voice a little too gentle- he spoke up. “Sorry if I made you jump. Just ah… looked like you were going to barf. Thought I’d make sure that you were–”

“I’m fine.” Billy interrupted, but the last syllable was weak, to say the least. “I’m fine, I have to go.” He dropped his full basket on a nearby shelf, ducking past Steve as his cheeks started to burn red with humiliation.

He’d be lucky if Neil didn’t kick his ass for not getting the groceries like he was instructed, but he couldn’t stay in this store even one minute longer if he wanted to preserve even a shred of his pride. Bruises would heal, they always did. 

At the door, in his hurry to get out, he almost smacked right into one of Susan’s friends. Cindy, if he wasn’t mistaken, was a brunette with hair bigger than a minivan and a gossiping tendency to match.  

“Well hello there, Billy.” She said in a sickeningly sweet voice, unknowingly just barely avoiding being told to fuck off. He had to remind himself that if he did, she’d run home and tell Susan and then he’d have a lot more problems than a panic attack and a few bruises to deal with today. 

He greeted her kind of flatly in response, but tried to smooth his face into something less shaken and more charming when she raised an eyebrow at his tone. “How’s the husband?” He tried again, even if his lungs still felt like they were in a vice grip.

She sighed dramatically with an eye-roll. “Probably sleeping in his recliner, as usual. Pretty sure he’d rot in that thing if he didn’t have to get up to eat.” 

Billy regretted asking immediately but nodded sympathetically, internally begging her to just fuck off and go do her shopping already. “Can’t live with him, can’t live without him, huh?” 

Cindy scoffed and twirled her hair, eyeing him a moment too long. “Oh, I’d do just fine without him. Unfortunately, the house is in his name.” 

Billy inched towards the door, just barely shuffling his feet an inch at a time to put more space in between them. Just when he was trying to think of an excuse to leave without having to pretend he cared about her shitty marriage, another shrill voice called out her name and she spun to find them.

Sandy, not Cindy. At least he didn’t actually call her by the wrong name out loud. 

Using her distraction, Billy all but threw himself through the glass doors and walked as fast as he could towards the alleyway between the store and the hair salon next door. An employee in a red store vest was smoking a cigarette against the wall, but Billy’s fracturing grip on his emotions must’ve resulted in a slightly terrifying expression on his face.

Dropping his cigarette to the ground and stomping it out, the teen- who Billy thought he vaguely recognized from school- faux casually booked it out of the other side of the alley before Billy had to yell at him to do so. 

Finally alone, Billy dropped down to sit on the red metal bench they’d thrown back here to rust away and put his head in his hands. It was barely three seconds before a strangled sound, not entirely unlike a sob, dragged itself painfully out of his throat, his shoulders curling into a hunch. 

With his eyes closed, he saw the woman again. The way the fluorescent lighting had sat so harshly on her corn-silk hair, the glint of silver rings on slender fingers. A shudder rolled down Billy’s spine as the version of her in his mind's eye turned to face him, eyes blue now instead of gray. 

“Billy, baby? Is that you?” She said so softly, voice lilting in surprise. She reached out a hand towards him, her own basket dropping to the too-white tiles as the eyes she shared with him welled up with tears and–

“Hey!” She spoke again, but her voice was lower. Too deep, not her voice at all. It wasn’t until the third repetition that the illusion shattered, careful footsteps on the concrete snapping him free. Billy’s head shot up immediately, pulse picking up speed, only to see Steve Harrington once again. 

“Don’t you have anywhere better to be?!” Billy snapped, his bitter attitude flaring up to protect the oozing, throbbing hole that had been torn straight through his abdomen. “Or are you so fucking obsessed with me that you’ve decided to follow me around and be a pain in my–” 

“Damn it, Hargrove. Just… take a breath. I’m not going to fight you.” Steve sighed and moved closer, like he wasn’t even a little afraid of Billy’s temper. As though Billy hadn’t left him a bloody, bruised mess in a fit of anger barely six months prior.

“What do you want, Harrington? I’m not in the mood.” He said finally, all the fury draining from his voice. He just didn’t have the energy to fight right now.

He was tired and sad, his chest felt empty, and he missed his fucking mom.

“I know you said you were fine, but you’re clearly not.” Steve said, hovering around the edge of the bench. He shifted back on his heels, heavy-looking plastic bags dangling from his fingers. The tears he’d shed embarrassed Billy. He could feel them clinging to his cheeks, but he couldn’t stop them from falling even now and it was too late to hide them. 

“Why do you care?” Billy muttered bitterly. “I’m an asshole to you. You hate me, I… I hate you.” That last one was a lie, and he knew it, but he wasn’t willing to acknowledge that to himself right now. “Shouldn’t you find this funny?” 

Steve set the bags down, using his knee to nudge Billy out of the way before sitting down on the bench like he belonged there. Billy eyed him warily, lip hauled between his teeth now. 

“Who said I hate you?” Steve said, tone still soft but with an edge like a teacher asking him for the date in history that the Old White Man of the Week had died. Billy felt any answer he may have so much as considered die in his throat. 

“And even if I did hate you- which I don’t- I still wouldn’t find you being miserable funny.” Billy wanted to protest the description of his mood, but it was more accurate than he wanted it to be. 

Eventually he managed a half-reply, “Didn’t mean you had to follow me.” 

Steve shrugged and settled further into the bench, leg just barely pressing against the blonde’s own. “Yeah well. Like you said before, I had nothing better to do.” There was a small smile audible in his voice, and when Billy peeked back over at him, he figured out that Steve was trying to lighten the mood. 

He didn’t exactly know that Billy was bleeding out beside him in slow-motion, so he had no way of knowing a joke wouldn’t patch it up. But the attempt was… oddly nice, even if Billy was still struggling to accept his presence as genuine at all.

“Just having a shitty day. It doesn’t matter.” Billy breathed, turning his gaze towards the gravel-strewn alley ground once more. A soggy flyer was balled up by his feet, which he aimed a kick at to get some of his tension out. It bounced off the rim of a rusted coffee can full of cigarette butts and then rolled off down the alley. 

Beside him, Steve made a buzzer sound under his breath and even as his chest gave another dull throb, Billy found himself snorting a quiet laugh. 

“I can still kick your ass on the court, missed shot or not.” Billy said defiantly, but his voice conveyed an attempt at reciprocated humor, even if it sounded a little flat. Steve just shrugged again. 

“Eh, you’ve got me there.” The brunette acquiesced instead of even playfully fighting him and damn it all, why the hell did that have heat flooding back into Billy’s cheeks? 

He knew why, but again, now was not the time. 

“Can’t believe Steve Harrington spends time buying his own groceries. What, give the staff a day off?” Billy said before Steve could inadvertently compliment him again, picking at the skin of his palm as a tactile distraction. 

“These aren’t mine actually, and believe it or not, I clean my own house, too. I know, shocking.” Steve drawled in a dry, light tone. Had he shifted closer? Billy could swear that he could feel more of Steve’s leg against his own than he had a minute ago. 

“You do grocery shopping for other people?” Billy cocked his head. That was an even more bizarre concept, for some reason. 

Steve shook his head, but his answer was no less cryptic. “Not often, just… sometimes I make an exception.” 

“Ooookay.” 

They both trailed off, silence creeping into the alleyway once again. Billy wasn’t sure when he stopped crying, but when he lifted a hand to wipe at his eyes, his face was dry. 

Maybe Steve wasn’t a horrible distraction.

Billy opened his mouth to speak, anything to fill the silence. He’d always liked silence; silence was the opposite of everything home was. But for some reason, he hated it right now. 

The problem was simple- what did he even say? He was still residually embarrassed and worn out. They’d never had a genuinely friendly conversation before- and Billy doubted this one counted as that either, at least not at the beginning- and he was genuinely grasping at mental straws trying to find a topic. 

Hey man, while we’re having a somewhat normal conversation, mind telling me what was in that syringe my shitbird sister stabbed me with? 

Also, I just casually hallucinated my mother in the grocery store because hey, if there’s a God, he loves taking his morning shit in my cereal. 

Yeah, he was sure that would go over super well. 

Billy’s hand lifted to rub over the spot on his neck that the needle had gone into, a slight shiver running down his back. That had been a weird fucking night. 

Steve seemed to notice his movement, because he turned his body towards Billy a little more. Billy suddenly felt very observed, and he shifted in place before digging into his pocket for a cigarette. 

As he inhaled a deep drag, he felt a little of the rigidness leave his posture. Even with the blonde woman still faintly burned into the edge of his vision, it was helping considerably. 

“Hey uh…” Steve started, then trailed off. He clearly also didn’t know how to break the silence between them. “Are you going to Jennifer’s party?” He said finally. 

Billy couldn’t help but smile at the obvious grasp of a topic, letting smoke curl out between his teeth. “Nah. I have to babysit.”

The displeasure in his voice was obvious. Even if he and Max were still in a weird, post-syringe purgatory phase of their hot and cold relationship, he didn’t exactly enjoy sitting at home and doing fuck all nothing but trying to keep her from sneaking out again. 

“Max?” Steve probed, but it barely sounded like a question. 

Billy raised an eyebrow at him. “You think I’d willingly watch any other snot-nosed kid in this town? If I needed money that badly, I think I’d be happier scrubbing out public toilets with a toothbrush.”

Steve choked on a laugh, hazel eyes crinkling at the corners. Billy may be a little into the way he looked when he was angry, but he was unfairly attractive when he smiled like that. Fuck. It made Billy want to piss him off just so his brain stopped turning all useless and fuzzy. 

“Mm, yeah, that’s fair. Can’t really imagine you playing tea party.” 

Billy made a disgusted sound, forcing himself to look away from that smile. “Yeah, I’m good. No thanks.”

Steve rubbed his palms on his jeans, tongue flicking out to wet his lips. “I should… get going.” He said apologetically, getting to his feet. “I have to get to… uh. Well, a job interview. At that new mall that just opened up.” He scrunched his face, looking disinterested in the concept as a whole. 

Clearly, this job interview wasn’t his idea.

Billy attempted to conceal his disappointment with the loss of body heat at his side, already sensing a small amount of the calm that had settled into his chest fading away. He cleared his throat. “Alright..”

Steve looked at him for a moment longer, then glanced over his shoulder towards the opening to the alley. Was Billy imagining things, or did he look as disappointed as Billy felt?

Though trying to get the words out felt like dragging a sandbag through four feet of water, Billy eventually managed to get out a quiet- “Thanks… for ah- coming out here.” He said slowly, not looking anywhere close to Steve while he did so. He heard a quiet hum in response.

Steve was smiling again when he looked back up and Billy felt that damn fuzziness start creeping back into place. Fucking Harrington and his stupid, pretty smile. 

“Not a problem…” Steve said, sounding genuine. “For… what it’s worth, I hope your day gets a little better.” Billy had to bite his tongue not to laugh sarcastically at the sentiment. He knew deep down it would only get worse. 

But he’d long since gotten used to evading the truth when it came to stuff like this. 

“I’m sure it will.” He lied, fingernails biting into the palm of his hand. 

Steve didn’t look convinced, the corners of his lips twitching downwards. If he did know Billy was lying, he chose not to call him out. Billy appreciated it. He’d already been far more vulnerable in the last half an hour than he liked. 

“I’ll… see you around, Billy.”

Billy. Not Hargrove or an insulting name. He was Billy now. It made his nerves skitter sparks, fingers twitching. 

Steve started to walk away, slipping his hands into his pockets. It was that movement that made Billy realize something. “Hey, Steve–”

The brunette turned to look back at him, waiting. 

Billy gestured lamely to the grocery bags on the ground. “You forgot your bags.” 

Steve looked a little red in the face, but he simply shrugged. “Like I said… they aren’t my groceries.” Then, like he hadn’t just thoroughly confused Billy, he left the alley entirely and vanished around the corner. 

Regardless of whether they were his or not, he was sure whoever Steve had been shopping for would’ve liked to actually get their groceries. He was surprised he had even managed to get all this. Wasn’t his basket basically empty when he’d approached Billy in the store...?

Billy blinked, eyes snapping to the bags on the ground with a new level of focus. Steve’s basket had had nothing but a jar of sauce in it. He was sure of that now. There were far too many bags sitting around his feet for Steve to have had time to get all of it and go through the checkout in the time Billy had been held up by Sandy at the doors. 

He hesitantly reached down to the one nearest his foot, pulling it open. As he scanned the contents, Susan’s grocery list flashed through his mind. By the second bag, his mouth was hanging open a little, and he abruptly realized what Steve had done all at once. 

“What the fuck?” He muttered, a little breathless. 

Steve had bought his groceries for him. He’d grabbed Billy’s full basket off the shelf, and he’d gone and fucking–

Billy’s face pinched into something conflicted as he tried to battle back the wash of confusing emotions now flooding through his body, fingers shaking slightly on the handle of the bag. Relief, gratitude, confusion, and something soft and warm and terrifying. 

Without even knowing the punishment that would’ve awaited him when he came home empty-handed, Steve had waltzed right in and somehow saved him from it.

He looked back towards the opening of the alley, even though he knew Steve was long gone now, with a dangerous fluttering taking over his chest. There was no coming back from this moment in time, that wave of warmth now far too strong to battle back even with his carefully honed talent of repression.

Steve Harrington had a terrible habit of messing up Billy’s plans- and brain- but this was a whole new level. This time, he’d gone straight for the heart.

Oh, Billy was so fucked. 

Chefs Kiss (Sydcarmy) fans stay with me, Chefs!

I’m not taking anything Ayo, Jeremy and Christopher say against sydcarmy, aka Chefs Kiss, seriously.

They purposefully kept Carmen and Sydney as separate as possible this season, which is a big mistake in my opinion.

The show is about the characters and their relationships with each other. Food is a part of it, but it’s mostly the relationship each character has with one another that makes the show.

The writers trying to dispel the rumours by keeping what I would call our male and female leads apart is nuts because Jeremy and Ayo play so well off of each other but by separating them Jeremy gave his weakest acting (which is still very good) during Carmy/Claire scenes?

They keep saying The Bear doesn’t need romance then give Carmen a whole relationship that was so boring to watch for like 7 episodes and felt like watching paint dry because Claire isn’t engaging.

I’m expected to care about her, what she supposedly means to Carmen and hear about how great she is but don’t get to see it? She’s an ER resident for gods sake and she’s running around town giggling every 5 minutes without a semblance of the hard work and exhaustion that comes with being a doctor.

And for the reason stated above, I believe she’s a manic pixie dream girl. She’s there to change Carmen’s view on life, be different and quirky and the one who got away when in reality Carmy forgot who she was and had to be reminded which took him a whole 5 seconds to remember the supposed love of his life, purposefully gives her the wrong number and she says “You’re the Bear, of course I remember.”

No one was gonna take her seriously as the person to keep up with Carmy and help keep him sane.

Meanwhile Sydney does. She anchors him, she keeps up with him and she calls him out on his shit. Sydney isn’t perfect. She’s terrible at stating what she needs at that moment, she slightly short tempered and she is passive aggressive.

She also is working on her impatience and passive aggression. She eventually tells Carmy she needs his attention as her partner. She speaks up for herself to her dad and she’s not letting her ambition be treated like a bad thing anymore.

Carmen and Sydney would make sense because they are flawed. Carmy stops going to group therapy as soon as he starts dating Claire because she’s ‘fixed’ him and they don’t work because of that.

Sydney has ‘levelled up’ in her professional life, she’s more assertive and willing to listen and has just grown as a person and that type of continuous strive for self growth is what Carmen needs to see in order to do the same HIMSELF.

Sydney isn’t there to fix Carmy, she’s someone who he can grow alongside.

Claire was used as a kids bandaid to a gaping wound; the wound being Michael. Claire represents a life where Mikey was alive and Carm’s fucked up family was as whole and happy as it’s gonna be. She represents the past and everyone PUSHED him to want to date her in the past.

There is too much between our two chefs for simply business partners:

S1 shows Carmen scrubbing the floor of the restaurant when in turmoil while Sydney does the same in S2;

She’s spliced into the montage of Carmy and Claire as though she’s a silent part of their relationship;

She has the three dagger heart tattoo which typically represents romantic heartbreak and turbulence;

Carmen remembers her interest in his whites from three months prior even though she didn’t say anything and gets her her own custom whites;

The imagery from their conversation under the table? Him asking her to screw the other side and “say more, please” as he holds up the table (and Sydney) while she finally shares her fears;

“You’re not alone.” “Neither are you.”;

The memories of Sydney being what calms him from his panic attack;

During said panic attack, the song that was Claire and Carmen’s plays in reverse and any flashes of her are accompanied by memories of his dysfunctional family while the moment he thinks of Sydney? The song starts playing correctly. He calms and flashes of his family (and Claire) disappear;

Them constantly cooling an argument with the ‘I’m sorry’ gesture;

Him constantly being in tune with her emotions and body language.

Sydney represents a new beginning. The chance to build a healthy family with the staff of The Bear, Sydney, Natalie and Richie. She represents a future. She represents good change.

I’m fully convinced Ayo and Jeremy are just doing what all actors do with a ship that’s not yet canon: downplaying or dismissing it.

C’mon if you’ve been in The High School Musical The Musical The Series fandom and shipped Rina from the beginning, you know how it feels to be persecuted and gaslit by other fans and the actors for seasons.

TL:DR, Chefs Kiss is literally a super slow burn and no one of the team will confirm it until it actually happens.

Also, never let your girlfriend (Claire) stop you (Carmen) from opening a restaurant with the love of your life (Sydney)

And if you think they should “stay platonic”, ask yourself WHY every swirl ship with a white male lead and black female is hated by fandoms and the argument is “they’re best friends” or “they’re like siblings”. WHY can’t black women be desired? Because you can’t self insert? Check yourself before claiming a character who was so underwhelming I skipped so many scenes is a better match than the character who has seen him at his worst and told him he cannot and will not talk to her like that. The first person he thought to open a restaurant, that means so much to him, with

Hi hi hi!!! On the bandwagon to say how good Disposable Heroes is! (also - what a title!) I love how this take exposes everyone's biases in such a casual way, that through something minor, it snowballs. Not a single person (adult or kids alike) thinks to check on Steve, that one misunderstanding becomes an excuse to treat Steve how they truly view him (ie, still an asshole, taking digs at his personality and intelligence, how easily they distance themselves after everything he's done for them with zero regards to his well-being and feelings.) Thinking of the party trying to defend themselves by downplaying Steve's part in everything, only to have it pointed out that half of them wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Steve - but how it also extends past mortal danger as well, all the outings, check ins, lunch and arcade money, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - And everyone now being forced to confront these biases, that Steve isn't a two dimensional NPC they can recruit whenever they need a tank, devoid of feelings or emotion outside of them. That he's been struggling with the trauma of this shit too. I love your exploration of Steve's character - how he's alarmingly aware and observant of the people around him, how he assesses quietly and chooses to take action for better (despite it maybe not being reciprocated - that scene in Family Video where Steve is so earnest with Eddie... it broke my heart.) It feels so true to his writing, even all the way back to S1/S2 when he realises where he went wrong, tries to make up for it. Also the angst, the good good angst! Dying to read when Eddie finds out Steve's true feelings and what Steve's had to endure this entire time... and how harmful the King Steve moniker actually is. Selfishly, I want the party (+ extended) to grovel a bit to earn back his friendship - but I love that your version has one steadfast Robin Buckley by Steve's side. Such a good premise!!! Sorry for such along ask haha, i got excited. I'd love to be tagged for future updates! - @foundintheshallows

Thank you so much! It amazes me how much positive feedback I'm getting from Heroes, it truly feels surreal. The fact that so many people are liking it is insane to me but it's definitely encouraging me to keep writing more!

Funny little thing about the title, it's actually based on a Metallica song from Master of Puppets! I was listening to the album when I was writing one day and as soon as I was trying to think of a good title, this song came on and the lyrics just... Fit. It's not super important, but I think it's kinda cool :)

That's something I really wanted to express, how people's biases never really go away despite knowing or thinking otherwise. I wanted to show that bias can hurt a person, even when you don't think about it or actively do it. Steve gets hit with a lot of that since his character was one who had a rough past, so I really wanted to drive the point home that even though people can change, they can still get hurt.

Trauma in the show, I feel like, is immensely overlooked so I wanted to amend that. Steve has been through some shit- including Russian torture- and he would obviously have permanent issues from that. Physical issues such as his eyesight (all those concussions had to have fucked up his vision somehow), migraines (seriously, head trauma is no joke), and hearing (which will come in later) as well as mental issues such as panic attacks, paranoia, dissociation, and anxiety. But, despite all that, he puts it all aside for the Party even though they never do so in return and that's where some of that sweet, sweet angst comes in.

This is really just an excuse to dive into the mind of the tiny Steve that lives in my brain because he gets so little attention in the show regarding his character and I wanted to fix that. Showing how kind and compassionate he is- and really has always been- is something I really really wanted to get right. That scene in Family Video was an example of that (I'm really glad you liked it, I rewrote it soooo many times) and I wanted to express how genuinely thoughtful he is to others even if they don't give him the same courtesy in return. He's had a lot of character development, and this is just my way of paying homage to it, I suppose.

I don't wanna give away too much, but the Party definitely feels some retribution for what they did to Steve and he really takes his time to fully accept their apologies. It'll all come full circle in the end, and a loooot of loose ends are tied up.

I'm jumping between Robin's and Eddie's chapters right now to try and iron out some final details so your wait might not last too much longer!

Thank you so much for this ask and I'll add you to the tag list right away!

question why do you not like amity?

Really, it's not that I dislike her. She's just never caught my fancy as much as the Luz, Gus, and Willow trio.

I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a liiiitle bit of bitterness about the show focusing on her and not her AND Gus and Willow, but it's whatever. It hasn't lowered my opinion of her, just made it harder for me to get into her lol.

*shoves a big wall of text behind my back*

oh what this? haha no nothing important back there lol. just redundant stuff really, you don't need to look there hahaha just a little bit of frustration at the show

[in all honesty this just turned into a vent. above the cut is the tldr and sums up my feelings on amity.]

Well okay. My main frustration with her is just how often she takes center stage over Gus and Willow. I know Amity is the love interest, and I don't begrudge her that. But still, I feel like the show could've given Gus and Willow a bigger part.

It's late, so I'm not going to go into all that right now. Feel free to another ask if you do want the big ol' thought dump later.

in the end, it just stings that Luz is introduced as this bullied, friendless kid, right? And Willow and Gus are the very first friends she makes there. But then the show never does anything interesting with them because Luz bonds with their bully instead.

Oh, and this also ties into why I'm not as big a fan of Hunter. The story could've had Luz, Gus, Willow, and Amity involved in the storyline.

Instead? Some unnamed bodyguard dude from the finale takes over. Gus, Willow, and even Amity are all just glorified emotional support while this random guy gets the tie-in with the main villain, gets possessed, dies, is resurrected, becomes Willow's love interest and Gus' best brother (Luz was there first btw).

Like, come on. I didn't sign up for this! I signed up for Luz with her two best friends and her girlfriend, not Luz does most stuff with her girlfriend, hangs out with her "best friends" at school (offscreen), and does all the plot relevant shit with the writers' punching bag.

I don't dislike Amity! I think I would like her if I didn't resent her from taking all the character development in S1 at the cost of Luz's "best friends!"

(I do hate hunter though. Fuck that kid)

My opinion on Amity is entirely neutral. Maybe I'd be a bigger fan if Gus' second (SECOND) A-plot wasn't overshadowed by another Lumity plot. Maybe if Willow's one S1 episode wasn't about how Amity bullying her was just Amity trying to protect her, and Willow's second (SECOND) A-plot wasn't about Hunter saving her sport team.

MAYBE if the characters I thought were going to be relevant, and fell in love with, weren't THROWN AWAY, my bitterness wouldn't be blocking me from enjoying the show.

But it is what it is. The show writers want their show to be about Hunter, Luz, and Amity. Who am I to decide what their show is about?

No, I'll just find new interests. Take Gus and Willow with me, since the show doesn't seem to want to play with them.

Lurk in the fandom a bit too maybe. After all, who knows when there might be a post in the Willow tag that doesn't have to do with Huntlow! It could even happen next week!

But lemme tell you, I've long since given up hope on the characters I love mattering again. I was pessimistic after S1. The trailer gave me new hope, and then S2 would've completely killed it if not for Ttlgr. (don't get me started on Willow barely appearing, or Eclipse lake showing that the writers themselves think Willow and Gus are only good for comic relief, because HEAVEN FORBID they swing at the gentle underhand pitch of HAVING WILLOW AND GUS CARE FOR LUZ WHILE SHE'S SICK, NOOOOOOOO THEY GOOF OFF AND LISTEN TO MUSIC WHILE SHE'S HAVING A PANIC ATTACK OVER HER GIRLFRIEND GOING INTO MORTAL DANGER WITH FUCKING HUNTER TO DO PLOT RELEVANT STUFF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH)

Anyways, after S2a I thought things were getting better! Gus has the setup with the Looking Glass Ruins, surely that's gonna go somewhere! And Willow........ uh...... she'll probably come back? Maybe?

But no. Matt's back in the background, suddenly Hunter is Gus' quote brother unquote or something so the fandom gets to infantilize the poor little baby twelve year old 🥺 Oh and a Willow episode! Surely this will be about her! Maybe they'll even make it a plot about her and Amity!

Nope. She's got HUNTER AS A FUCKING LOVE INTEREST NOW!!

And ALL I EVER SEE IS WILLOW AND HUNTER PARALLEL CALEB AND EVELYN THIS. GUS AND HUNTER PARALLEL PHILIP AND CALEB THAT. WITTEBANE WITTEBANE WITTEBANE I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF THE WITTEBANES I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE LUZ SHOW NOT THE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WITTEBANE SHOW

YEAH I'M GOING TO WATCH THE NEXT EP BUT DO I THINK IT'S GOING TO HAVE ANYTHING ABOUT GUS OR WILLOW? MAYBE ONE SCENE IF WE'RE LUCKY!! THE FINAL? GOOD FUCKING LUCK I HOPE YOU LIKE HUNTER BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE ABOUT HIM AND THE MOTHERFUCKING WITTEBANES AGAIN.

ahem.

kudos to those who like amity and hunter

I wish I could, but that chance has long passed.

my owl house phase is over and I'm just floating here while the flesh of my hyperfixation rots on the bone.

I'll probably write some more. I do genuinely love the characters.

but man, I watched that last ep and felt nothing.

I've lost hope on everything that started my brainrot for this show.

Ya know, I started watching this show for Lumity? I just got hooked on the og hexsquad afterwards. Knock knock knocking on Hooty's door was a dopamine rush when it came out.

It's just hard to love Amity when she's one of the people the writers are ignoring my faves for.

(but fuck hunter all the way)

Ok so there has been a lot of analysis done on Young Royals about the characters, the scenes, even colors etc . So maybe we should analyze ourselves a little bit.  So what scene or character or some specific trait of any of the characters can you relate to the most when it comes to this show on a personal level ?  Asking with a lot of love 💙💙. Also send this to however many people you want. I hope all the people who watched the show will answer this.

Ooh this is a fun question, thank you💜.

The first time I watched YR I really didn't think I'd relate to a lot. I'm queer in rural America, this is a show about upper class/nobility at a boarding school in Sweden (on the surface). I actually had this entire argument with my sister when we put it on because she thought "we already have so many stories about rich white kids struggling with their sexuality, can't we have something more relatable?" Which like 1 I'm glad she's grown up with media such that she can think there's too many of any type of queer story and 2 she ended up being completely wrong because the Netflix trailer does NOT do the show justice.

So obviously first and foremost I can relate to the fact this show is about being queer. I relate more to Simon in terms of being open about it but like Wille, labels aren't as important for the specifics. I'm nonbinary and I lean more towards people who are more "feminine" in appearance but actual gender doesn't matter. I'll clarify with bisexual if people are confused, and I call myself gay all the time cause it's fun, but that's about as far as I'll go with labels for gender or sexuality.

I relate to Wilhelm's anxiety like, so much. Every scene where he's having a panic attack I'm just like, oh I know that feeling. I check my pulse at my neck and run my hands through my hair, similar to how he's always rubbing his chest and touching his hair. The bit on the football field actually, where he's starting to break down and he puts his hand up against the side of his head is almost exactly what I do when I'm having a panic attack. My anxiety happens for very different reasons though.

I relate to Sara having Asperger's. I don't think we use that term anymore here in America, it's all just called autism, but I essentially have what used to be called Asperger's. I'm a bit better at social stuff than her, mainly cause my mom threw me in daycare the second I could talk (10 months old) and spent my entire childhood organizing playdates and making sure I had friends around. I really related to that lunch scene though like, Felice had never told Sara that her family would be disappointed in her and while I might have been able to pick it up from the way they were bragging about being an equestrian family, it really was not that obvious. Also not telling Simon or anyone else about August. There's clearly a bit more going on for her than just, not wanting to but I don't tell my family about crushes or boy/girlfriends or like anything romance related really. It's my personal life, they don't need to know the details about my first kiss or anything. They know I'm queer and that's all that matters. So I can actually really relate to her not telling people about the stuff between her and August until it becomes detrimental to other people's lives (like how she told Felice about August kissing her). August is a really terrible choice for her to make and I really hope she does tell someone in s2 so they can tell her to get the fuck away from him but like ngl I understand if she doesn't.

I can kinda relate to August having money issues, and I definitely relate to the way he wants to be the best at everything. I have a few small fears about failure lol. I can relate to Madison's interest in witchy stuff like, I can't prove any of it exists but I also can't prove it doesn't so who knows? Also rocks are just pretty and I like collecting them and if they're doing cool metaphysical stuff to my life, awesome, that's a bonus.

There's also just a lot of general teenager stuff that's relatable in this show, like the way Wille and Simon act around each other in ep1 (totally crushing but scared about making a move). YR is seriously so good at making these characters feel real and relatable. All of them are complex and multi-faceted.

And yea, that's about it! There's a lot of other, smaller things about this show that are relatable but that's the main stuff for me.

Cobra Kai 🤝 Stranger Things 🤝 Heartland

The “They Were Just Kids” Trifecta

(For reference-

Miguel: Was almost permanently paralyzed from the waist down

Robby: Absentee dad, neglectful mom with a problem with addiction, everybody keep leaving him, has been to juvie

Sam: PTSD and panic attacks

Tory: Terminally sick mother, sexually harassed by her landlord, poor

Dimitri: Had his arm brutally broken by his former best friend, was bullied throughout most of his school career

Hawk: Bullied throughout his school career for his cleft lip, was emotionally manipulated by Kreese

-I haven’t watch Stranger Things in a while and phones gonna die but it’s fucking bad-

Amy Fleming: Mom died when she was at a young age, felt responsible for her father getting shot in the shoulder by armed cattle rustlers, probably more but I’m only on S2, PTSD, survivors guilt on multiple accounts, Dad is a decent dude sometimes but is also an ass who tends to hold her to too-high expectations

Ty Borden: Absentee dad with a gambling and drinking problem, has been to jail/juvie and started the series on probation

Caleb Odell: Felt responsible for his idol being shot in the shoulder, PTSD probably

Ashley Stanton: Emotionally abusive mother, dead father, probably more but I’m only on S2

Could you do your top 5 telenovela episodes for the ask thing?? And if you can't remember them because I know there's a lot then maybe your top 5 telenovela characters? Thank you!

This was a really interesting question!! Ok, i'll do Violetta and SL together.

Also, my opinion on favorite eps may change, especially for SL since I have seen it less times and therefore my opinion may change faster if I rewatch them again.

This is gonna be long, so i'll have a keep reading so people don't haver to scroll through a long post.

5. Violetta: 2x01, Soy Luna: 1x55

Ok there is something so special with the first episode of season 2. We're back, we get to meet everyone again, everyone is so happy and gay. I think what makes this episode so special to me is maybe that I actually saw it at theatres. Sweden had some thing where they showed the first ep of season 2 complete with some behind the scenes interviews about the upcoming season. Like they really marketed Violetta. Anyway, first ep of s2, such a treat!

1x55 for the most part is just a normal episode, but the Open when they dedicate love songs to each other?? More importantly, YAM SINGING A SLOWED DOWN VERSION OF A RODAR MI VIDA TO JIM?? PERFECTION why did they cut it in half to let Lutteo talk in a park smh

4. Violetta: 1x35, Soy Luna: 3x40

1x35 is such a guilty pleasure for me. Leonetta post first kiss, Vilu's friends getting ecstatic over her first kiss, Germán getting a panic attack over it... it's so quirky and wholesome.

3x40, aka the flash open. I just enjoyed the retro style and performances, also Simbar kissing was a little "Oh- WOW OK YOU'RE MAKING OUT ON THE SPOT YEP-" and I love it.

3. Violetta: 3x64, Soy Luna: 3x56

Violetta and Leon pretending like they can only be friends and everyone laughing at them about it? Naty being super gay for Ludmila? Count me in!!

Ok like. Couples getting back together (even if I don't ship some, cough lutteo cough), Jim and Yam getting into musical school? MORE IMPORTANTLY, SIMBAR ROSE SCENE OH MY FUCKING GOD-

2. Violetta: 1x80, Soy Luna: 1x80

If there is one thing the telenovelas know how to do, it's the season 1 finale episodes. Violetta with the goodbyes, reuinions, ser mejor <3 Soy Luna with the skating competition, then rush to sing on the roof and dsdkrjhyj-

1. Violetta: 2x72, Soy Luna: 1x73

MADRID STORYLINE MADRID STORYLINE MADRID STORYLINE MADRID STORYLINE-

The fucking VIBES at Ámbar's birthday party I love it.

Now, my favorite eps change every single day so this may be inaccurate in an hour lol

And you know what? Let's answer the other question too! :D

5. Angie, Luna

I want Angie to be my aunt :,) She suffered a lot and needed to get married to someone else.

Luna is actually a very fun main character. I think people give her too much hate. I think people give Violetta too much hate too, but in Vilu's case she suffered a lot in writing in s3, just like a lot of other characters. I get it, Luna is a little distracted, talks a lot, etc. But honestly, she's a fucking kid. Many people don't like that she "ships her friends with the wrong person" but like... as a FRIEND MYSELF- ok dfsjzsdkxsijd but honestly? Friends be like that. If you mention hanging out with some boy, they be like "OoOoOoOoO~" and Luna's friends do that to her, too. Everyone does that to everyone. And even if I don't ship the couples the friends do, I love how excited they are about each other. Luna cares about her friends a lot and wants them to be happy. If she notices she's going too far, she stops herself. She's quirky and charming, and yes, she does have main character syndrome but it be like that.

4. Leon, Simón

Leon is such a chaotic man. He's very impulsive, but he has such a charm. And he is very romantic. Literally this man has given me such high standards for romance and that's both good and bad-

Simón is also so chaotic, imagine moving to another country just to surprise your crush? Oh my god. And I love his friendships so much. And i've enjoyed every romantic relation he has had except for with Daniela.

3. Naty, Nina

Naty is a precious little cinnamon and I love her. Invented the word "lesbian panic" and she always makes me laugh. And she's strong. SO STRONG. Love you Natalia <3

Nina's such a sweetheart. Definitely relate to her with "better expressing herself online" because, same. I know for a fact she would have a tumblr account lmao.

2. Camila, Ámbar

Camila Torres, an icon. Is there anyone who doesn't love her? Like seriously - she's basically everyone's underrated queen. Short tempered? Yes. Impulsive? Yes. Being the most chaotic little hippie girl the world has met? YES. And I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!

Ámbar is. Stunning. Funny. Cool. Iconic. She's my daughter but she is somehow also my girlfriend (?? i'm sorry I don't know how to explain it). The CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. The DYNAMICS she has with SO MANY OTHER CHARACTERS. AAAAAAAAAAA-

1. Francesca, Yam

Francesca is who I want to be. Stylish, the best friend, the coolest... So, I never cared about Fran's love life very much, her last two boyfriends were cute and all, but what I really care about is her friendships. She CARES so MUCH about HER FRIENDS. SO MUCH THAT SHE WROTE TWO (2) SONGS ALL ABOUT HER FRIENDS. She's so funny, so clever, so cute, i'm- fdfhdjrjkdurdf. I wanna BE HER.

Yam is an underrated gem for me. I think it's just, I feel like I would probably be her in this universe? Like, not taking the most space, but still giving a lot of funny lines and doing fun stuff. I'm also a better singer than dancer. She's a funky little lesbian, absolutely iconic... and sure, she gives terrible love advice but honestly I do too. She cares about her friends a lot, she's also in the mix of it a bit of a quirky nerd, which I love... and she's always up with the shenanigans her friends and her girlfriend are coming up with. Love her.

THIS IS IT LADS

what’s the dust, reggie. explain yourself.

pogo deserves it and the house deserves it, but i don’t think grace necessarily deserves it

THE ELEVATOR SHOTS ARE CHOICE

i do not understand why luther and allison go up instead of down

LIKE EVEN BEN! EVEN BEN, WHO WE ALL ASSUME IS QUIET AND SWEET AND THE LEAST ASSHOLE-ISH OF THE KIDS! EVEN BEN GAVE BABY VANYA SHIT FOR NOT HAVING POWERS!!!

the ONLY ONE she doesn’t have nasty memories associated with as she’s walking through the rooms is five. if they don’t let that be significant in s2, if they don’t at least acknowledge that he’s the ONLY ONE she doesn’t have white-violin rage towards, i’m gonna be MAD

even in the portrait scene, his chin’s tipped down and he’s not standing up straight despite reggie JUST telling them all to. it’s not a lot but it’s SOMETHING.

of course he knew, vanya.

vanya looking down and then looking up as the white violin is an amazing shot and i love it

ahhh the moon at the very top of frame as vanya walks out of the mansion

how the FUCK does five know vanya exploded the academy. where has he been. he doesn’t know she was locked up, he doesn’t know she has powers, he just RUNS IN FROM OFF SCREEN TALKING ABOUT NEWSPAPERS, they don’t have CELL PHONES IN THIS UNIVERSE. it’s the biggest instance of lazy writing i can think of in the whole show and it ticks me off SO much, god 9 and 10 are the most frustrating episodes because of it

the handler should’ve had a much gnarlier scar after that explosion than the one she has tbh

OOOOOOOOOOOH BARRACUDA

white violin vanya is hot as fuck and i’m not sorry for thinking it

DIEGO being the one to say “there’s always options” and FIVE being the one to say “we can’t give her a chance to fight back” is so unbelievably out of character for both of them i cannot even fucking handle it

sknsdknfnkf five scooting to the side and ben squaring up to catch the bowling ball, they’re both cute

hazel is that burnt cinnamon roll meme in this ep tbh

girl on bus: having her gay awakening because ellen page is five feet away in a suit

it’s a serious and emotional scene, but the shot of allison and luther’s bowling shoes shuffling the notepad back and forth is SO funny to watch

WEAR YOUR SEATBELT KIDS

five, stop fucking leaving in the middle of family meetings, goddamn boy

luther is honestly not a great leader.

come up with a better plan than “kill vanya,” asshole.

S! A! T-U-R! D-A-Y! NIGHT!

i will say for everything else i cannot stand about her, i appreciate that the handler eats like a human? there’s none of that dainty ladylike eating in front of other people bullshit that no one actually manages to do ever, and  i can respect that

WHEN will hollywood make light-color contacts not look like shit. they never look good.

if luther would just LISTEN to anyone but himself maybe everything wouldn’t keep getting fucked up beyond repair

she will NOT THANK YOU LATER LUTHER

ben just sittin’ on the table in the entryway

 god poor agnes

“everyone has a past” yeah but not everyone is a temporal assassin, agnes. what are you hiding, girl.

LIKE LITERALLY THINGS WOULD NOT HAVE EXPLODED IF LUTHER JUST LET ALLISON TALK TO VANYA AFTER THE SHOW

the little trill of notes after the pause in the music when the temps agents start shooting and the orchestra runs is my favorite bit in this whole piece of music

five’s dumb ass walking directly into a firefight with no idea what’s going on. “what’s with all the lollygagging?” idiot. i hate him.

“this is not good” thanks sir states-the-obvious-a-lot

ALSO FIVE IMMEDIATELY ATTACKING THE AGENTS WHO SHOOT AT KLAUS IS ALSO A LOT

the bentacles!!!

the look on five’s FACE when he sees ben is agonizing

augh

the look on KLAUS’ face when vanya starts glowing is also agonizing but for different reasons

i know this is like the central irony of all stories involving time travel but the fact that the exact thing they were trying to avoid happens because they fuck up so many fucking times and if they just didn’t do the shit they did it wouldn’t have happened that way fucking kills me

the complete and utter panic in five’s face when they notice the moon chunk. augh.

and his little hair-floofing gesture, iirc he only does it one other time, after klaus tells them reginald killed himself

they are remarkably calm for the world ending tbh

“should we be taking her?” ASSHOLE! asshole. complete asshole.

lowkey five better be out of commission for a solid three days at the start of s2 because this is a ridiculous amount of energy to expend

...WHERE did hazel get a briefcase. did the handler have one with her.

LOOKIT ALL THEM BABIES ;___;

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I SHOULDN’T BE BUT I’M HYPE

no one dies and everyone's gay au

Nancy finds Barb when she gets stuck in the Upside Down when she's in the forest with Jonathan (don't ask me about the logistics) and so Steve ends up finding Jonathan and Barb in Nancy's room? And he's confused because at first he'd just seen Jon and thought Nancy was cheating but then he saw Barb walk into the room? (traumatic sleepover time! except Jon stays on the ground and Barb and Nance cuddle on the bed bc they're best friends and BARB WAS MISSING FOR LIKE TWO DAYS I THINK? she deserves snugs)

But Tommy and Carol started talking about how Nancy was probably sleeping with both, everyone knew Barb was the biggest d*ke in Hawkins, Nancy probably got curious about the other side!

He doesn't necessarily agree but still doesn't stop Tommy from spray painting the theater (because Nancy still lied to him? Lying generally meant there was something? going on? idk Steve's just confused and a little hurt rn)

The rest of the season goes pretty much the same, Barb's just there trying to not die and trying to help the Gang™ find Will and fight this bitch ass demogorgon (I don't think she's really be part of the Nancy and Jonathan luring it to the house and fighting it, she'd help with set up and the plan but I think she'd fuck right off when it comes down to facing it, she's had enough monsters for one life time thx)

But she'd so wanna help get Will out so she's there with Joyce and everyone talking to El while she's in the bath finding Will and talking Hop and Joyce about the Upside Down

(and she's been to the hospital, she didn't get a face sucking monster thing so she recovered quicker? idk don't ask logistics again lmao)

But she and Will end up getting along and sometimes when she's hanging out with Nancy and the party comes over she'll say hi to Will and like ruffle his hair

(also I want a little scene after the big monster hunting trip scene where a) Nancy and Jonathan explain everything to Steve and b) where Steve sees Barb again and pulls her into the biggest hug and starts like apologizing for not paying attention that night and for letting her get taken and even though she assured him it wasn't his fault he still feels guilty about it, it was his house, he should have helped her bandage her hand or something? idk but this right here is the beginning of the Barb/Steve friendship and the start of the "fall of King Steve")

cue s2

and so the four get really close, Jonathan and Steve are actually friends (idk what s2 was pulling but they're friends) and Barb talks to Nancy about Steve and Jonathan and Nancy ends up breaking up with Steve way earlier (bc you know none of that drama would have happened if Barb was there so)

But they're all still good friends, Steve's cool about the break up, and Nancy and Jonathan get together but it's not like right after? so it's all chill and they all went through a dramatic experience together so they remain close knit yeah

and Barb eventually comes out to them (everyone's supportive obviously) and Steve's is ready to throw down with anyone for her

cue Billy

the four of them are sizing up the new guy, Nancy doesn't really care, Jonathan thinks his hair is a little ridiculous (which I mean, that first day? when he steps out of the Camaro? yeah it was a lil rough), Barb can see right through his macho bullshit, and Steve? has a little bi meltdown. bc this kid has definitely had boy crushes before and knows he likes both (kid listens to queen of course he knew he was bi lmao)

blah blah blah s2 happens, Barb, Steve, and Billy have the same English class and Billys generally quiet during school, kinda stand-off-ish, only really bugs people during gym/basketball, but he literally sits in the back and does absolutely nothing during class and still somehow has the highest grade

(FUCK him and Barb get paired for a project and she fucking calls him out? like she's just like you're gay I'm lesbian you can cut the crap around me and they become...not friends? but they have solidarity, they're cool)

and I'm a slut for this trope but BILLY FIGHTS DEMODOGS WITH THEM lmao he hears Max sneak out and follows her and finds her in the junkyard armouring up a bus with fucking Harrington and a couple of nerds? and like the sun is setting and he needs to get Max home so he's like "Maxine! I don't know what the fuck this is and I don't fucking care, we gotta go!" and the four are like yelling at him to either leave or get in the bus! and he's so confused, I'm not here to play games Max! and Steve's running out of the bus with a FUCKING NAIL BAT WHAT THE FUCK HARRINGTON? And Steve's like behind you! and swings at a demodog. Billy has a borderline panic attack before he finds like a fender or exhaust pipe or whatever and starts swinging too

the dogs run away and Billy rounds onto Steve like what the living shit was that? and Steve has to explain everything with Dustin and Lucas interrupting and Max shrugging and trying to understand too? it's a mess

s2 continues with Billy and with HOPPER NOT BEING ABLE TO STAND HIM bc he's caught him speeding and underage drinking and shit and Billy's nervous as hell around cops which makes him mouthy and ITS A MESS

they're all at Joyce's (Barb's there too bc Will's possessed and they need to check up on her too? and she's concerned for Will anyway yeah she's in this too) and El shows up and Steve and Billy are just like what? another one? who the fuck? like Steve heard about her but this isn't a tiny child without hair??? idk it's funny

BILLY WITH AN AXE IN THE TUNNELS

(obviously Steve isn't passed out and the kids don't drive the car, it's Billy's awful impulse control that leads to them going into the tunnels)

okay I couldn't decide where to put Barb here? so I left her with Steve and Billy to babysit and she ends up in the tunnels too? and she's def handling it better than the boys are fuck yeah

Steve has his bat and is in front and Billy found an axe in the pile of shit from the Byers' shed and he pulls up the end

it's awesome

yada yada Steve and Billy end up becoming weirdly good friends by the end and he's good with him and Barb, idk about Nance and Jon but eh

s3 now

Billy ends up getting two jobs; lifeguard and cook at Benny's (bc he's alive too, fight me bitches this is the ultimate fix it) and Barb ends up working as a waitress there too (and working together builds the weirdest bonds so they are besties now)

everything in s3 is pretty much the same but with diner scenes too? and like all the Hawkins moms swarm Benny's too and leave lipstick stains on their kitchen tips and "send my compliments to the chef *wink*"

Billy eats it up but Barb can tell he also kinda hates it bc he's barely 18 and not even remotely into women and it makes him super uncomfortable but publicly he "loves" it (he starts wearing tank tops to the pool and tries to hide out in the kitchen but it really doesn't work)

he still gets caught up with the mind flayer but it's not bc he's about to sleep with Karen bc ew, idk why he's driving out by the warehouse idk maybe he's out on a drive bc he can't sleep yeah

anyway he gets caught up but like he knows, or kind of knows, what this is and calls in sick to both jobs and talks to Hopper bc WHAT THE FUCK isn't the gate closed? I got face fucked my an interdimensional monster so unless you know where the fuck that came from?? and they deal with it earlier (most of the shit still happens but it's less...messy? like Hop and Joyce are more involved in the Billy shit and Steve knows about it?)

Steve still gets caught up with the Russians (I don't think he'd have a chance to tell anyone (specifically Hopper) bc he finds out about Billy then the elevator stuff happens like right after and yada yada)

so for most of the season it's them trying to actually help Billy! and they end up saving a lot of people? (specifically Heather bc she was really nice to Billy and I want he to live fight me it's my au)

but enough people get melted and shit that starcourt still get destroyed blah blah blah!

but Billy makes it and so does Hop and Alexie (no one dies au) and they all end up doing the thing in the mall like they did in the shed with Will? like breaking Billy out? Barb talks about working at the diner and their secret and Steve talks about them hanging out and playing basketball and the tunnels and Max talks about Billy buying her a new board and them scream-singing along to ACDC in the Camaro and the kids mention him giving them rides and shit and yeah! El talks about his mom and that's it! Joyce and Hop close the gate while Billy's holding the one arm (he doesn't get stabbed in the chest, as cool as that scar would be, no...but he gets some on his hands and upper arms and his sides?)

(also Billy's drinking like bleach rn so they try and reverse that as much as possible while he's possessed so that he has a better recovery later bc no! chlorine is not good for you! and Billy tries so hard to not drink it but sometimes he can't fucking stop? idk but he has a support system now!)

and Robin came out to Steve and Steve comes out to her too? like kinda? he alludes to it vaguely bc he's so not ready to be out to anyone FUCK

And Billy comes out to Steve (he was planning on doing it earlier that summer but shit happened)

and Robin becomes friends with everyone (ITS ROBIN X BARB HOURS BITCHES)

(OKAY small like side shit? Benny and Hopper have known each other for years and Benny's like one of the only registered foster parents on Hawkins so he ends up fostering a lot of wayward kids while Hop figures out legal stuff (he hasn't adopted anyone yet but him and his husband (yeah Benny's gay deal with it) really want to? they just haven't yet, all the kids they take care of end up in their care temporarily) BUT Hop finds out about Billy and Max's home life (I know a lot of people write that Neil wouldn't hit Max but...nah son not how that works? idk but he needs to get them out? and Neil's bad to Susan too (he's the worst to Billy but still bad to Max and Susan) anyway Hop helps Susan leave Neil (it takes a while and Billy and Max end up with Benny for a little bit while the divorce is going down and all the legal shit yeah it's safer out of the house rn) long story short Billy ends up staying with Benny after everything and ends up getting adopted (they're like we know you're 18 and you don't need a guardian but if you want we can be your dads? and Billys like yeah sure that'd be nice and yeah) Hop ends up being a weird like uncle figure? idk like I said him and Benny are close and they both adopted kids so yeah? and Billy ends up considering El his little sister and he still visits Max and Susan and yeah?)

ANYWAY everything kind of calms down, Hop and Joyce get together (I just realized I forgot about Bob so...idk I guess this isn't an everyone survives au? no no that's weird um idk him and Joyce end up breaking up idk why) but yeah Hop and Joyce get together and like it's kind of fast but they've been in love for a long time so it's kind of fine? like idk but yeah

Barb and Robin get together (ITS FUCKING CUTE they go to aquariums and have paint dates where they sit on some old sheets and paint while listening to Robin's records ITS CUTE!)

STEVE COMES OUT TO EVERYONE! he definitely cries bc fuck he was scared! bc he likes both and he wasn't sure if that was a thing or whatever for a while and Billy's like oh yeah, like David Bowie or Freddie Mercury? and that's when Steve's cries bc oh thank God you guys get it and you're cool with it oh fuck and YEAH

UM Max is bi too, Will comes out as gay (listen I know none of this is like 80's realistic but everyone's gay and alive and happy, fuck off)

Um it takes forever for Billy and Steve to get together, it's awful. like Barb and Robin have to deal with their pining and shit? and like Robin hears about it from Steve at work and Barb hears about it from Billy at the diner and they put their knowledge together and make a Plan ™

it's like elaborate and dramatic (shut up they're all like 18-19) and shit? BUT LMAO okay one day they're all hanging out at Steve's (bc I've also hopped aboard the neglectful parents train sorry) and idk Steve and Billy are there before Robin and Barb are so the girls walk in on them arguing over whatever and like Billy's talking really fast and Steve's talking with his hands and idk what it's about but Billy ends up yelling that he loves him BUT THEY KEEP ARGUING FOR LIKE A SOLID MINUTE AFTER THAT BEFORE IT HITS THEM and Steve gets all quiet and is just like you love me? and Billy doesn't fucking know what to do?? he's like bright red and frozen and Robin and Barb are by the door trying to not like break the spell (bc it's been months guys) and Billy's like of course I do asshole and Robin thinks Steve's about to have a panic attack but he like rushes forward and cups Billy's face and kisses him senseless and it's like the best thing Robin and Barb have ever seen

and they're resting their foreheads together, Steve's still holding Billy's face and Billy has his hands on Steve's chest it's really tender but Robin's like yeah congrats and shit but you guys ruined our Plan™! and she gives them a long ass rundown of their elaborate scheme and Steve and Billy are like still touching and bumping into each other as they listen and Barb interrupts and says that this was better and Robin rolls her eyes but agrees

and they're watching a movie or whatever, cuddling in their respective couples and Steve fucking jumps up randomly and rounds on Billy like hey woah fuck I love you too, I didn't say that earlier! and Billy's looking up at him like yeah I know that asshole and yeah

What are your non-negotiable Will,Mike or byler scenes for next season? Any you have a clear vision for?

oooo i have plenty of very clear byler visions for next season that are all very plausible and make sense narratively but thats not to say that im 100% confident they will happen.

i think non-negotiable is a pretty aggressive way to define this theory im about to talk about because i think it kinda implies that theres no other way it could possibly go down which just isnt true but i do think it would be a huge missed opportunity of they didnt do this. i think mike will be revealed as gay to the audience through a vecna trance and i think this may also be how el finds out because she was piggybacking in his mind and saw/heard everything.

i do think there is some good evidence to support that mike will be vecna’d. a big one is mike being the one to see max get a bloody nose. you would expect lucas to be the one to see this and worry about her. mike is a really random choice and there is always intention and meaning behind little things like this in film.

also bathing will in light and the idea that max has to go to the light to leave vecna’s mind. they light up will in the van scene but also the cabin scene which i think has a double meaning and foreshadows their conflict with vecna because this lighting is the EXACT kinda lighting we see in the creel house.

max also tells lucas that vecna targets people who have something “haunting” them. mike is such a perfect victim for this. we saw in s4 how much he is trying to be someone else and trying to burry the part of him that likes will and likes boys in general. every one of vecnas victims has had some kinda guilt that theyve been trying to hide. (which is why eddies line “its forced conformity thats whats killing the kids!!!!!” is fucking genius). mike has been doing that for YEARS. i think the only reason he wasnt a target in s4 was because he wasnt in hawkins.

now for el, i have less evidence to backup that mike will be outed to her but i do think its possible and i really really hope el is the first person to know mike is gay. i think it would help him so much to hear from someone who didnt grow up the way he did and wasnt ever taught to hate people like him.

i have always thought this shot meant that el was suspicious of mike and wills feelings, and it probably does mean that, but now that i think about it it could also foreshadow her piggybacking into mikes mind too and seeing will in his mind.

i think mike is overdue for a full on panic attack. we see will express his emotions pretty much every season but mike has been suppressing them so deeply for years. the last time we saw him totally break down was in s2 when he was yelling at hopper. since then, he’s been trying to be someone else, whether its consciously or not. he needs a scene like wills destroying the castle and el needs to be the one to comfort him.

i envision mike waking from his trance of being tortured by vecna with all his feelings for will and being gay and hes breathing heavy with tears down his face. hes frantically looking around the room and everybody there and then he sees el take off her blindfold and wipe the blood dripping from her nose and he realizes she was in his mind. i see them both looking at each other, el with sympathy and mike with total panic, and mike runs to a separate room and el follows.

then el would sit with mike on the floor and mike would apologize profusely and theyd have a long, sweet discussion. mike would come clean and just tell her everything. that hes gay, that he loves will, that he felt so bad not breaking up with her as soon as he figured out, then he said he loved her because he thought it was the only way to get her to live. and el would just listen and then admit that she doesnt think she ever really loved him romantically either and that she wants to just be friends. i want this scene to be SO SWEET AND SO EMOTIONAL AND I HOPE IT MAKES ME CRY!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways thats just part of how i envision queer mikes reveal to the audience and his first coming out experience.

Torchwood 1x01-1x08

Since I’ve been posting Torchwood rewatch episode reactions over on DW, I may as well post them here too!

Cut with a readmore because long and also spoilery. No specific S2 spoilers except set off in its own section.

----

1x01: Everything Changes, aka Torchwood is the worst-kept secret in the greater Cardiff metropolitan area. The episode with the infamous date rape via alien aphrodisiac. I have made the deliberate choice to compartmentalize this/pretend it never happened due to TV writers being notoriously terrible with recognizing the real-world implications of fantasy aphrodisiacs and sex magic (there was just a scene like this in The Witcher in 20-fucking-20), and treat it as what it is clearly supposed to be in context -- unethical but basically harmless misuse of an alien artifact -- instead of what it really is. But I recognize that this is a personal choice and I also hate this writing decision and wish they'd picked literally any other way of making this particular point, for the record. Anyway ... the rest of this episode other than the fucking date rape was a lot of fun, though. Torchwood is the worst secret quasi-governmental agency at being secret. THE ACTUAL WORST. I love the team trying to keep straight faces and then giggling when Gwen enters their secret base, and the entire base set is just so fantastically bonkers; I really really love it a lot. There's literally a fountain in the middle of it and, like, random water everywhere?! And a pterodactyl. And the invisible lift, with Gwen's wry comment about how there's nothing to stop random pedestrians from falling down it. It's possibly the most utterly bonkers secret spy base outside of kids' cartoons and I love it. 1x02: Day One, aka Murder By Orgasm. In which the show classes things up with an alien who kills people (men only!) via orgasm. Choices were definitely made in this episode. Many choices. For sure. Owen continues to be a total sleaze because the writers think it's funny. Also, his survival when the sex alien targets him makes absolutely no sense at all. He's literally the only person she left alive, and she's in the throes of sex-energy withdrawal at the time. In short, this was an episode that happened. There were a few cute team bits but really not enough to redeem it. 1x03: Ghost Machine, aka Burn Gorman Is Very Pretty. Not that I am biased. He is so pretty in this episode. SO PRETTY. Also, for a refreshing change, Owen manages not to be creepy and sexist at all in this episode. He's just prickly and kind of sweet. I like this Owen. I want to keep him. This episode overall was really a lot of fun, aside from (or perhaps also including) the most unintentionally hilarious death of a redshirt ever, in which he goes to hug Gwen and she accidentally stabs him with the knife she's holding. But overall it's so great! The Owen arc was my favorite - I love how affected he is by the memory device (the scene where he's clearly having a panic attack and trying to keep control!) and how determined he is to get justice for the murdered girl, only to be essentially brought down by his basic decent nature and inability to kill an old man in cold blood. Owen trying to save the guy's life when he was holding a knife on him thirty seconds earlier breaks me a little bit. Lots of fun team scenes in this one, too. The Splott conversation! ("Estate agents call it Sploe.") 1x04: Cyberwoman, aka CYBERBIKINI! Here again, Choices Were Made, most of them by the costuming department with a side of deeply uncomfortable racial implications on the part of whoever cast the episode. To be fair, maybe they just couldn't afford enough tinfoil to cover CyberLisa entirely, since the budget for this episode was clearly three shoestrings and a potato. I don't know if my favorite part of the low-budget f/x is the way they're clearly splicing in Doctor Who clips for the cyberization process, or the fall of Torchwood One, a giant battle involving hundreds of participants that is represented by Ianto screaming while surrounded by plastic sheeting. Honestly, I really love this episode. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination, but there is something incredibly charming about its sheer commitment to utter batshittery and OTT sobbing over emotional team betrayals, and parts of it were incredibly tense. It has the general feel of a horror film shot by college theater majors. Also someone getting doused in barbecue sauce and fed to a pterodactyl is literally a plot point, and the team basketball game at the beginning is one of my favorite little team moments; it's so cute. Cyberbikini aside and with expectations properly lowered, this was terrific fun. 1x05: Small Worlds, aka Death By Hanahaki Disease. On the whole this episode was not terrible nor was it memorably unpleasant; it was just kind of there. In going back to write about the episodes, I really had trouble remembering what even happened in this one. The concept is really interesting, but the fairies stopped being nearly so creepy once you actually see them in all their low-budget-CGI glory; I think the episode would actually have been better if they'd stayed invisible. The flower petal deaths were really gross. I hadn't realized that, while Gwen (unlike the rest of his team) knows that Jack can die and come back, she didn't actually know before this episode that he's much older than he looks. 1x06: Countrycide, aka Don't Split The Party. WELSH MURDER VILLAGE. I loved this episode. This is the ridonkulous teamy sci-fi horror shenanigans that I'm here for. I mean, I was there with bells on for TEAM CAMPING TRIP and then it just got better and better. Ianto gets to go out in the field for the first time and nearly gets eaten by cannibals! Poor Ianto. His life is the worst. I sort of vaguely knew because of season two that there was Owen/Gwen in the first season, but what really caught me off guard is how much I enjoyed it. I was expecting meaningless sex with a side of skeeve, and I do really hate that she's cheating on her boyfriend and how pushy about it Owen is at first, not to mention outing their kiss to the whole team. But the crazy thing about it is, by the midpoint of the episode they're actually, genuinely very sweet, and by the end of the episode you can see what they're both getting out of the relationship and get the feeling that it's a positive human connection for both of them. Also, the near-kiss and teamwork in the woods was incredibly hot. I really loved (and was also surprised by) how loyal and protective Owen is toward his teammates. We saw it a little bit in the previous episode with his "Don't you touch her!" re: Gwen, but it's abundantly on display here, from Owen repeatedly insisting that they need to go after Tosh and Ianto, to his fury at the guy threatening Tosh, to his captor having to restrain him when they pull the hood off Ianto's head near the end. Love Jack's big-damn-hero entrance to the Murder House, and everyone running around screaming and getting separated and hurt, which is always a good time. Basically I just loved this episode. It needed more hurt/comforty aftermath, though. I might have to write some. 1x07: Greeks Bearing Gifts, aka Tosh Has An Alien Girlfriend. I really loved this episode, on the whole, but it is Made Of Ouch. As well as Tosh's isolation and hurt, there's also that bit where she hears Ianto's thoughts and it's just endless painpainpainpain. I like to think that after this episode, she started getting together with him for drinks occasionally and talking about things. They both need friends so badly. (I do not love Jack's random transphobic comment near the end. From JACK of all people. WHY.) And seeing Tosh's delight and squee when she gets to just geek out about things is so lovely. Tosh is absolutely a person who leaves her teammates notes with little hearts on them. I love her. ♥ (Also, as much as I love Owen personally, I really wish that so much of Tosh's storyline didn't revolve around her hopeless crush on Owen. Toshiko deserved better, in all ways, than what this show gave her.) It's too bad that Gwen and Owen's affair is, on the whole, a rather destructive thing, because they're really happy! They're like the only happy people in Torchwood at this point. It's not a grand love story or anything, but I felt like the sheer joy of that initial rush of infatuation was well conveyed and sweet. Owen's relationship with Tosh in season one is completely baffling to me. He's not only staggeringly oblivious to Tosh being into him, but she's literally the only woman at Torchwood that he doesn't hit on. And yet, it's not that he doesn't like her! He clearly does like her in a friend kind of way and enjoys hanging out with her. The card that Mary was looking at in Tosh's apartment looked handmade to me, so he literally made her a handmade birthday card! And yet, he is blindingly oblivious to her interest and rejects her every time she makes overtures. ... I mean, the meta-reason is probably just that the writers thought it would be funny if the character who always sleeps around doesn't notice the one person who really wants him. But I can't help wondering if the basic issue is that Owen has somehow, without really intending to, classified his relationship with her as basically a sibling-type one. We know from the flashbacks in season two that they both joined Torchwood at about the same time and were both in a very emotionally fragile place when they did, and Jack also has a very quasi-parental sort of vibe with both of them. It makes me wonder if Owen either tried to initiate something early on and was rebuffed because Tosh wasn't really coping well either, or if he met her at a point in his life when he was really not interested in having relationships with anyone and simply classified her mentally in a sort of little-sister category. This actually does fit very well with the sometimes bullying, sometimes playful and sweet, generally sexless way that he relates to her this season, and the way that he clearly does care about her and in fact is very protective at times; he just doesn't view her as a target of romantic interest. Anyway, Tosh was very beautiful this episode, and her alien girlfriend was also quite hot, and I really enjoyed it. 1x08: They Keep Killing Suzie, aka I don't think anything I could come up with is better than the actual title. The scene in which they've accidentally locked themselves in their secret underground base and have to call the cops to let them out is possibly my favorite scene in this entire show. That was GOLD. I also wish the cop lady from this episode had come back. She was great, and her rapport with Jack was really neat. Part of what I want to say about this episode contains massive season two spoilers, so that's set off in a spoiler section at the end. This was a highly entertaining episode with a plot that was total nonsense that falls apart within 0.2 seconds of actually thinking about it. Good emotional stuff, yes! Plot? BONKERS. I mean, Suzie's plan was something like this: 1. Drive someone insane by feeding them Retcon for two years. 2. Kill yourself. 3. ???? 4. Profit! I am just going to headcanon that the team are actually wrong about Suzie planning all of this, and it's mostly an accidental set of circumstances that she took advantage of. I did love the twist of Suzie wanting a deathbed reunion with her dad not because of love, but because she wanted to watch him die because he's terrible. (However, this does completely undermine what was previously given as part of her motivation for getting addicted to the glove, which was trying to save her dad. See above re: plot nonsense.) But the team stuff was fun! Love everyone scrambling to save Gwen, and Owen holding her at the end -- I'm still seeing them through a lens of mostly-platonic more than romantic. The general vibe with the team pulling together vs. Suzie having basically no one in Torchwood to talk to is really interesting; it's hard to say how much of that is the team having gotten closer over the course of the season, and how much of it is just Suzie not really ever bonding with her co-workers the way they bonded with each other. I mean, I do get more of a co-workery vibe off them early on, as opposed to the chosen-family feeling later on, but the closeness is there under the surface; I'm just not really sure if they've realized it yet. But with Suzie, it's hard to say if the closeness ever really was there. They're all damaged in their various ways, but I feel like Suzie might be damaged in a way that simply precluded her ever really being able to let people in, as the others are learning to. Ianto's visible depression at this point in the show is mostly down to Gareth David-Lloyd's acting, but it's so well done -- his flat affect and thousand-yard stare, especially contrasted against his dry, sarcastic humor when he's not miserable (mostly in season two). The other Ianto-related thing I noticed is that the warmer, more bantery rapport between Ianto and Owen in season two is actually present in this episode to some extent, for perhaps the first time ever. In particular, Owen makes him smile at one point by teasing him (the only time Ianto smiles in the last few episodes, I think, up until he's with Jack at the very end), and offers him the first shot at naming the knife in spite of Ianto's artifact names being genuinely terrible - like, trying to include him a little bit, in a way I haven't seen Owen doing with him before. There's a general feeling throughout this episode that Owen has warmed up to him a bit and is actually reaching out a little. And Ianto and Jack are sleeping together now! I don't know when that happened and I wish we'd seen more of the beginnings of it. It's nice to see Ianto smile, though. Season two 1x08-related spoilers: 

Watching this episode after having seen Owen's resurrection glove arc in season two was FASCINATING, especially for the compare/contrast of the way the team reacted to resurrected!Suzie vs. resurrected!Owen; I mean, the fact that she died in the process of betraying them after becoming a serial killer is obviously a large factor here, and they were somewhat wary of Owen too, but there's just so much more ambivalence in how they deal with Suzie, vs. the way that Owen's death and resurrection actually brought the team closer together, and brought Owen closer to all of them.

But the most interesting contrast to me is how Owen and Suzie, as characters, both reacted to the whole idea of having to survive by killing people, with Jack trying (unsuccessfully) to argue Suzie out of allowing Gwen to die, whereas Owen's immediate reaction to finding out that his survival might be killing people (just random people too, not teammates) was to try to sacrifice himself, not just once but multiple times, starting with a fundamentally horrible euthanasia-type death and continuing on to destroy the resurrection glove himself even though it was likely to re-kill him. Why yes, I can turn any episode discussion into an Owen discussion, even an episode he wasn't especially prominent in.

Elements from the Broadchurch novelization that were of particular interest::

- Ellie is a bit uncomfortable returning to work because her “suit feels strange after three weeks in a bikini and sarong”. You go get it, Ellie. Anyone wanting to write confident-and-body-positive-knows-she’s-got-dem-curves Ellie, here’s your semi-canonical backing. mother of two, rockin’ a bikini. Excellent.

- Although the division of work/responsibility between her and Joe worked for them, Ellie Worries that ppl will “think he is emasculated”, or that he will begin to feel “emasculated”, so while “the other wives are on the phone begging their husbands to come home in time to put the kids to bed, she is virtually throwing him out of the house and into the pub”, really trying to encourage him to hang with the guys or whatever, whenever the opportunity presents itself.

- Hardy is already on the edge when we first see him, talking to the farmer whose tractor has had its gas siphoned. He’s carefully staying away from the edge of the cliff, scared it’s going to induce vertigo and heart palpitations.

- The sections that are a close POV on Hardy have way more detail about the Sandbrook case than was originally clear in S1 (I assume, because the book was published after the bulk of the writing/story construction stuff was finished for S2). For instance, When Hardy is first inspecting Danny’s room, he’s struggling, trying not to think about [Pippa]’s room (she’s not named here, but it’s clear that’s the child he’s referring to). in the midst of this turmoil, he notices the height measurements on danny’s doorframe, and is overcome by the realization that there will never be any more above them. And then there are these heart-wrenching sentences: “For some people, tears dam behind the eyeballs. But when Hardy wants to cry, he has to hold them in using the back of his throat. He sometimes feels it’s the only strong muscle in his body.” yeah, c’mon, just fuck me up.

- Maggie being into women is present from the beginning here! She has a partner, Lil, whom we see/meet several times! First time she is referenced is when Rev. Paul Coates invites Maggie and everyone to that first church service about Danny. She mentions that a predecessor of his made it clear she was unwelcome there, once. He assures her that’s not him, and that she is welcome, and Lil too. She says something like “as it should be, “ and ends the convo without indicating whether or not she will come. Excellent.

- At one point the inside of Ellie’s car is compared to the inside of a bin/trash can, with empty cans and food wrappers strewn about. This further reinforces my theory that Ellie and Alec need each other to balance out their eating habits to something actually healthy. He eats very well, as far as nutrition is concerned, but he just sort of stops eating when there is work to be done. She is going to eat, goddamnit, come hell or high water, but it is plenty likely to be anything from an entire loaf of bread to whatever the vending machine has. It’s a wonder neither of them has died of malnutrition. (she also makes mention that she’s lost weight, in a probably unhealthy way, by the end of the investigation, and has a sudden realization that she’s maybe kind of, turning into Hardy).

- End of Chapter 17, Ellie offers a hand to help Hardy in or out of a boat, he has a realization “unexpectedly painful” that he cannot remember the last time he held a woman’s hand.

- In general the poor bastard really is constantly on the edge of vertigo and panic attacks.

- Reminds me again, whatever did happen with Ellie’s sister??? did we ever see any kind of furtherance or resolution of her gambling issues in the later seasons?

- Oh Shit. “I didn’t take your money.” The money Joe gave Danny, that SOCCO found taped beneath his bed, that was Ellie’s holiday money, and she assumed her sister had stolen it. Shit. What a shitbag.

- One of Hardy’s favorite things about Tess was the ability to come home, throwing last minute ideas and theories at each other, being able to pass idle thoughts back and forth, turn them over, hear them in a new light, and see what they grow into. (incidentally, exactly what he’s developing with Ellie)

- The exchange between Alec and Ellie after SOCCO Brian hits on her is great here as well. She giggles, he asks her why, she figures she needs to share this with someone, and tells him. she thinks “his face froze in another one of his Does-Not-Compute expressions”. So he seems just as weird to her as to us, does a terrible job hiding the awkward nerd within. And she totally thinks it’s cute. Bet me. Goes on to think, after they talk about SOCCO having dirty hands, “ ‘Dirty Brian’, Hardy says, with a playful roll of the ‘R’ ”. They’re totally playing with each other and it’s adorable. “She thinks to herself that it’s the first moment of genuine humor they’ve had between them, so of course she immediately messes it up.” asking about Sandbrook.

- Oh Shit, Jack’s wife shows up at his funeral. hides her identity the entire time, and Spits in Karen-the-reporter’s face before she gets in a car and disappears again.

- Hardy has a panic attack after calling Daisy and giving up for the night. “I can’t do this, Hardy hears himself say, and the words are followed by an agonizing pain, a huge fist squeezing his heart to the bursting point. He staggers back until he hits a wall, and slides helplessly down it. Hardy assumes his childhood comfort position, knees pulled up to his chest, so close that he can rest his chin there. Experience tells him that he can hold this pose for hours and hours. He remains motionless amidst the debris of his investigation until his heart rate returns to its version of normal. By the time he gets up with a low wheeze and click of joints, it is dark outside.”

- Ellie calls Joe to say she’s still stuck at her desk and she’ll be late, on the night Susan Wright is arrested. He says it’s okay, but she can hear in his voice that it is not. (So, is that the last straw? she keeps staying late, it’s clear that this shit is going to drag on forever, and his family and life are NOT going to return to normal, no matter if he keeps getting away with his crime? And this is the window, his only window maybe, where she might be too busy to intercept if he confesses? This is the opportunity to confess to Hardy, and not her?) because very shortly thereafter (and leaving his kids alone and unwatched???) they receive the call from Danny’s mobile, and they catch him out at the cabin... and holy shit, even knowing it’s her (and he must know it’s her), he slams the cabin door open into her face, probably hard enough to beak her nose, and then minutes later shoves her to the ground so hard the reader spends a moment wondering if she’s broken her wrist.

- AND THE FUCKER TENDERLY PICKS GRAVEL OUT OF THE CUTS THAT NIGHT

- (if someone wanted to write an AU, one where he is also injured that night, and his failure to hide that injury tips her off the next day, or that night, and so she is the one to put together the pieces.... and arrest him? god that would be heartbreaking. But perhaps would enable a situ where she doesn’t beat the shit out of him in custody, thereby invalidating his confession, so that shit actually sticks...)

- When Hardy gives the interview to Maggie and Ollie, the book makes it clear that he expects his confession of being cheated on is going to cause them to regard him with pity and shame. He is embarrassed to have been cheated on. He calls himself a cuckold in his head. poor bastard. so confused when they respond with empathy and admiration for him, and disapproval and dismissal toward his wife.

- Happily, an answer to the argument Jack saw, between the Postal worker and Danny. Turns out, the punk had had his truck keyed, and knew Danny on his paper route was one of the only ppl who would have been out and about at the right time of night/morning to have done it. he confronted Danny, and that’s what Jack witnessed. He comes clean to the police towards the end, insists that that is as far as it ever went, and admits that he lied because he was afraid that having had that argument, having had sort-of-a-motive, that would make him a suspect.

- Fuck, I mean, we all know Joe is dangerous, but talking Danny back off the cliff and back into the house consciously with his paramedic voice, with the kind of experience and calm honed over years of professional work... goddamn, so many ways in which he had power over young Danny.

- The moment she believes Joe could have done it. She says it can’t have been him, because the boat was burned while she was away. He would have had to leave the kids alone while he did it, and he would never take that risk. Hardy confirms that he did, that he left them, and Ellie (immediately believes Hardy, btw) finally truly understands that the moral partner she’s been building a family with no longer exists, if he ever did in the first place.

- Hardy briefly considering telling Ellie about Tess, to empathize with her pain and betrayal, and immediately knowing the situations are too different to be useful. being disappointed in himself for having thought it. pulling on every little bit of experience and training he’s ever had to try to get through the conversation.

- Oh shit. the slug trails. the slug. that little bit of symbolism didn’t feel established in the tv series, she just squishes a slug the last time she enters the house. but in the novel, her merry war trying to find the slug is a constant recurring thing, seeing the trails on the carpet, but never able to find it, the thing only coming out when they’re asleep, Joe cleaning up the slug trails after they come back from vacation. Her staring at them in despair as she cries into the carpet one night, over Danny. and then, after Joe has been revealed, she comes home and there the bastard is, big fat slug that’s been lurking in her house all this time, sitting, glistening, in plain sight. and she squishes the hell out of it. And I was so caught up in the story that, even though I BEEN KNEW how it was gonna end, I never picked up on the fucking foreshadowing until that last moment. Am I just dense, or is it just good storytelling? XD

The Dragon Prince S2

OMG!!! I HAVE SO MANY FEELS ABOUT SEASON 2!

First, we need to talk about this animation! Now that they've fixed the frame rate it is SUBLIME!!! EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS AMAZING! I am in love with it. I'm only sad that if I ever decide to rewatch the show I will have to deal with the sadness that is the frame rate of season 1. But thank you for listening to your fan's critique of the animation a d fixing it.

I will admit straight up that I love Callum above all else. Fact. And I desperately wanted him to be half-elf only so he'd be able to do magic because, according to freaking everyone in that series, humans aren't born with magic and therefore can't do magic. BUT HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER!!! CALLUM JUST FIGURED IT OUT AND NOW HE'S A HUMAN WHO CAN DO PRIMAL MAGIC!!! He may even be the first human who can do primal magic!! THAT IS SO COOL! I wonder if wouldn't be able to do different kinds of magic if he figures out the Arcanum for them. Not gonna lie, I gasped when Rayka was holding him and the cube started reacting to sky magic, and outright clapped and cheered when he performed magic without the primal stone.

WHICH LEADS ME TO AARAVOS!!! WTF! One, the slug is so disturbing (albeit useful). BUT!!! HE'S THE AARAVOS WHO IS THE ARCHMAGE IN XADIA WHO CONTROLS ALL SIX PRIMAL ELEMENTS (as demonstrated through Viren at the end there). Also, what kind is elf is he? Star? Sky? What's his angle? Why is he imprisoned? Why did Thunder keep an eye on him? What's he hiding? AND WHAT DOES HIS KEY UNLOCK??? Also, if Callum ends up learning how to use all six primal magic, I wonder if he'll be the one to ultimately face Aaravos. Because I can't imagine it'll be easy to fight against someone who is an Archmage a d can wield all six primal magic...

AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE BAMF SUN ELVES PLEASE!!! So, Moon elves are assassins or illusionist, and sun elves are the army?? Because that lady sun elf was fucking kick ass!!

And Ezran continues to be the ultimate cinnamon roll. I can't even with that kid. I wonder if he has a telepathic connection with other animals. He doesn't look like he had one with Bait, who he's had since he was a little kid. So what makes his connection to Zym so special? We saw them connecting on the boat when they were sleeping and doing the exact same movements at the same time. So it was cool at the end how Ezran was able to see what was happening to Zym & Co. And then help Zym to block the sun. Callum needs to start learning new spells BTW. He only knows two lol! I also love that he took responsibility in the end and decided to go back to Katolis.

BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT AANYA!! BECAUSE THAT IS ONE AMAZING AND SPUNKY YOUNG QUEEN!! I love her! I love that she didn't just go with the flow, and that she is so smart that she was not swayed by Viren's scheme to seduce her with soft words through the story of her parents (TWO QUEENS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER AND THE IT KINGDOM AND SACRIFICED THEMSELVES FOR THE GOOD OF THEIR KINGDOM CAN I GET A WHAT WHAT!!!! AND ON SCREEN KISS!! YAAAAAS!) Aanya and Ezran are going to get along really well, I think.

But man, Viren continues down his path of being fucked up. He has yet to reach Rick bottom. Also, how is Gren still chained up down there?? Does he finally get found as suggested by the art at the end of the last episode? Viren will not be locked up for long, not with Aaravos literally in his ear. But man does he get fucked up by dark magic.

Which brings me to my favorite siblings. I don't even know with those two. I want to dislike them because Claudia uses dark magic, which is wrong, and Soren just keeps fun king up everything and tried to kill Ezran, BUT I CANT! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! They're both so young still. If I remember right, they're like 16? They still don't really know anything. And all Soren wants is his father's approval. And all Claudia wants is for her family to be safe. That ending, when Claudia is so desperate to save Soren and is just willing to do anything for him. And she's so distraught about it (there is no synonym for cinnamon). These two are the perfect example of shades of trey morality of the show. Also, I like that Claudia actually does care about Callum and possibly has a crush on him too. I mean, she does fuss about her hair before their date. But I don't think she likes him as much as he likes her.

BUT RAYLA LIKES HIM THAT MUCH!!! WE NEARLY HAD A CONFESSION WHEN CALLUM WAS DROWNING IN HIS DREAM AND ALMOST HAVING A PANIC ATTACK IN HIS SLEEP!!! I ship them. I ship Callum/Rayla so hard.

I can't wait for season 3. With Rayla and Callum in Xadia and in front of the Sun dragon Sol Regem, Viren having sent shadow assassins to the other human kingdoms to get his way, Ezran going back to Katolis to assume the throne, and Aavaros scheming evil things, there's a lot to resolve.

For me the problem is not William's character as such. He's an asshole and shows need these kind of characters. What I'll never support though is the fact that he pressured Noora into a relationship even though she was absolutely not into in from the beginning and this was framed as something "romantic". I'm sorry, but it was not. I don't know what Julie wanted us to take away from that clichee "romance": That girls need to be pressured to realise they maybe could like someone? ... (1/?)

That being a creeperand emotionally maniulative is romantic? That girls who do not give in arestupid? That it’s totally ok for guys to not take no for an answer? Thatblackmail is a legit way of making girls yours? Also William is portrayed assomeone who is always right, just misunderstood. He doesn’t need to own up tohis mistakes because excuses are made for him. This makes it seem like Noorawas wrong in realising he is an asshole. He was, and is (not only to Noora, butto Vilde and all the other girls), but the way their relationship is shownmakes it seem like the man always knows best and has the right to get the girlhe wants – no matter what she thinks. Julie made a choice in making William anasshole. She also made a choice to romanticise it. So for me Noorhelm and allit stands for is super problematic.

OKAY. Buckle up kids, this is gonna take awhile.

First off:

William never pressured her. Not onesingle time. But more on that later.

Vilde and William. Was. A. One. Sided.Relationship. Vilde materialised and narrated a whole scenario in her head thatwas not happening. They were attracted to each other, they slept together, endof story. The audience was never given any indication that William wanted anythingmore, he didn’t lead her on after the fact, I’m guessing that in William’smind, they both got what they wanted and that’s that; but then here’s this girlcrawling at his feet that he has no romantic interest in, and the onlyplausible way he sees to free himself and her, is to stomp out any residualfeelings. Which he does, brutally.

But before we get hyped up aboutthe following scene, I just want to mention something I’ve talked about before:if it was William following around Vilde, obsessing over her, finding any opportunityto be around her when it has been clearly shown that she ahs no interest in himromantically, there would be no misconceptions and calling Vilde manipulative, abitch, or any of the like. People would be crucifying William for stalking orwhatnot, and praising Vilde for her wit and crushing of a pathetic first year.Instead they choose to ignore that fact that William never made any promises toVilde, and didn’t owe her anything afterward, and vice versa.

But getting back on track, William’sfirst advance was after Noora belittled him in front of the group (rightfully so),and he was immediately brushed off, though the edit still chooses to show Nooralingering on William’s retreating figure, implying interest and obviously foreshadowing.After this, he doesn’t speak to Noora or show any other interest in her untilthe staircase scene (‘you’re so fucking beautiful’). And, anon, if you can findanyone, anti- or pro- who honestly, 100% believes that Noora was not positivelyaffected by William in this moment, I’ll be legitimately shocked. That scenewas flirting 101, and no one can say otherwise.

Cut to the xmas party scene, wherewe later find out that William has agreed to a date with Vilde in order toultimately be closer to Noora.  Yes, thiswas a shitty thing to do, but as soon as Noora realises what he was doing, sheasks him to stop and he does on the condition of one date. Not a relationship,not sex, just an hour with her, talking, to which she accepts. He picks her up,brings her a blanket and cocoa and remains polite, recognises she doesn’t necessarilywant to be there and so keeps his distance, tries to impress her, and offers todrive Noora home after cutting the increasingly positive date short.

The party at William’s house isthem getting to know each other, exploring their attraction, having fun,PLAYING w EACH OTHER, and William being relatively reserved (the stripping partdoes make me roll my eyes IF I’M BEING HONEST lmao). And it’s here that we seeNoora take the first real step forward into their relationship – lying andsaying that she has to stay over, and once this info is outed, William has afoot in the door, and he knows it. Anyways, fast forwarding through the cabinep and we get to the Syria party. A party that was designed to raise money solelyfor the Penetrator’s buss,  but afterinviting Noora and getting thoroughly confused by her reasoning for not wantingto go, decides to include the refugee cause to the funds raised, all so Noora MAYshow up.

Okay, this is where I start to getheated, because people always seem to forget about this motherfucking scene.Noora is being extremely difficult and stubborn and, to be honest, rude towardhim, and he asks her point blank if she likes him, and tells her that that willbe it if she doesn’t. He’ll stop and leave her be. He. Will. Stop. And. Leave. Her.Alone. If. She. So. Chooses. And she says what she says, and William leavesimmediately. Noora has to sprint and catch him, and SHE KISSES HIM. She initiateseverything, William was ready to stop and give up. It’s Noora who STARTS THERELATIONSHIP.

What part of all that is emotionallymanipulative? Oh, nothing? You don’t say.

Alright, now to the drama, andwhere I can see some people misconstruing everything. Nico enters andeverything basically goes to hell. William is trying to protect Noora from his brother,but Noora doesn’t understand why until after everything happens many episodeslater. So, we have William adamantly trying to keep Noora away from his brother,but in a textbook case of ‘Why Communication is Important in Relationships’, bothof them omit information that would turn out to be vital and would have stoppedpractically everything in eps 7-11 from happening, they take that break. And it’sin these eps, where they have little to no communication, Noora gets drugged/drunk,and wakes up with Nico, and basically has PTSD from it, that William reallysteps up, even though he doesn’t know what’s happening, why his girlfriend isspacing out and having panic attacks. He soothes her, her calms her down, helets her get the sleep she desperately needed, he writes her goddamn paper for her,he doesn’t invade her privacy and snoop on her computer, he stays with her forfifteen hours straight and meanwhile organises everything about the Norway Daything with Eva, Vilde, Sana, and Chris on Noora’s behalf.

And then, comes the fucking text.William, after being told they were on a break, which he accepted, after makingup, after being shut out again immediately, after Noora breaking down, is senta photo (or was it a text – I can’t remember), of Noora with his brother, thismonster he tried so damn hard to keep Noora way from. And Noora can’t give hima straight answer when he confronts her, because she really doesn’t know atthis point. And, he doesn’t lash out or become aBuSiVe, he walks away. Hejust, walks away. He doesn’t get aggressive, he doesn’t yell, he literally justwalks the fuck away.

Noora finds out Nico is a piece ofshit, gets more insight on William, realises she did fuck up, realises thatWilliam was only trying to protect her from Nico. While he’s still extremely angryat her, when she confronts him in the hallway, he again remains silent anddoesn’t lash out at her. She says what she needed to and he listens, and agreesto meet her for their talk.

The talk happens, they make up, andafter everything, William goes and turns himself in for the bottle smashing becauseof everything Noora has told him and taught him.

I’m sure I’m forgetting something Iwanted to say, but yeah, there’s that. Noora was pretty much in control theentire time they were actually together. She was controlling who they told,where they were seen, the break was her idea, and she was the one to seek outWilliam and make up with him. Noora was head over heels in love with him, andhe for her, and if there is any flaw in their relationship in s2, it’s fuckingcommunication with a capital C, not abuse, not manipulation, but fuckingcommunication. If they had just said everything they needed to say, at anypoint before episode 7, the entire second half of the season would not havehappened, but that’s none of my business.

Okay, so quickly over season 3 and4: Noora after knowing about Nico, William’s sister, his parent’s, and his fearof abandonment, ups and leaves him without telling him about it, without eventalking to him out it, and again, he remains silent – he doesn’t lash out, herdoesn’t hurt her in any way, he thinks that that is what she wanted, truly, andso he lets her go. When Sana sends that email, he drops EVERYTHING and comesback home to her. So emotionally manipulative, I know, wow.

Anyway, just some rounding off someof your points:

William never pressured her into sex. Afterrealising she was very serious about not wanting sex, he is the one stoppingthem from going further (revue room, clumsy scene, bench top kitchen scene, 2x12bed scene), and yeah he probably shouldn’t have said ‘I should probably ask ifyou’re ready, but I don’t care’, but if we are believing that Noora literally textedhim ‘I want to fuck you’, there doesn’t leave much room for misinterpretation.

When he was told no, he stayed away. The Justin Bieberscene: she says no, he leaves. She says she doesn’t like him: he leaves. She saysshe’s not ready for sex: he complies with that request and stops Noora whenevershe got a bit too heavy handed. She asks for a break: he agrees without a realfight, even though he knows it’s not what’s best for the both of them.

Blackmailing is wrong, he shouldn’t have donethat. But I don’t think it was with the exact intent of MAKING Noora HIS!!!!!!,for fucks sake.

The man always knows best: I honestly don’t knowwhere you’re going with this point. Whenever it’s shown that either of themthink they know best, it’s shown that they both are wrong, and/or shouldn’thave thought that way. See, lack of communication, Noora lying about whathappened for so long, William not telling her about the fight, the whole argumentabout the fight and the break, Noora lying and saying she has no feelings forhim in 1x05, etc.

William not owning up to his mistakes: Whatmistakes did he make exactly? The blackmail for a date: solved. Lying aboutNico: had valid reasons to. Being a dick: every other character on this show isan asshole, at one point or consistently, it seems to be a running characterflaw – none of them are just as upfront about it as William. Being abusive: heisn’t. Being emotionally manipulative: he isn’t.

So there, that’s my takeaway of William’s character andtheir relationship, and from now on, anytime I get an ask like the ridiculousone above, even after all this time, and after my opinions on this topic havebeen well an truly been put through the wringer, I am referring everyone tothis post. So one last time: no one is ever going to change my mindset, sendingin messages like these will only fuel me to write more about why William isactually one of the most compelling characters on the show, why his and Noora’srelationship is an incredible journey of self-discovery, and why William shouldnot be singled out for being A KID, just like the rest of the them, for beingunreserved about who he is, and for loving the fuck out of Noora Amalie Saetre.

watching THAT 70′S SHOW @ 25.

The first time I went to Point Place was summer 2003.

I was on a family camping trip of sorts with my friend Nick. Our families were pals and we thought it would be a stellar idea to spend humid Iowa July in some “cabins” (which were more Super 8 than log) and do some paddle boating, fishing, smore’s’in’, etc.

The trouble was we were suburb kids. Heat and bugs limited our activity to the sofa and stove Smore’s. Our moms took to the Cabernet and didn’t mind at all. After some frustration with the bloated and dusty TV ‘neath the spiral staircase, our media viewing ended up being some That 70′s Show DVD’s Nick had brought along. 

I didn’t get it at first. Why Nick liked it. We didn’t grow up in the era the show was concerned with. How could he even relate? We had velcro shoes and gushers. But, I wanted to impress him by also finding value in the funky colors and shaggy hair, so I dove in. I did feel a weird false nostalgia almost immediately, mostly because the weird orange-y chairs in the set kitchens and at The Hub closely resembled our cabin furniture and the seating offered by the shoddy grocery shop at the edge of the campground. This, interspersed with my mom’s occasional wine-hued comments about when an outfit was similar to something she’d once worn or when the coffee cups were what her grandma owned, made me urgently want to feel a kinship to this weird replicated era.

And so a few hours in I was pretty in love with all the characters. My embarrassing moments resembled Eric’s, my moron friends resembled Kelso, and all my crushes resembled Jackie and Donna. 

A few years later in middle school, as I began to crank into pubescent Hornville and become informed about sexuality and romance from movies/tv (yikes), I would spend late nights watching re-runs of the show with my younger brother. We had that early teens late night energy and hunger, and it felt weirdly invigorating to watch what high school might be like over microwave nachos. Having a consistent friend group who constantly face dumb sophomoric challenges like drinking ages and curfews and virginities in a pursuit of fighting boredom was exhilarating. 

I went through high school and had a lot of those first experiences (kisses, drinks, slight vandalism), with less cheese and folksiness but pretty similar small-town ennui. Occasionally the show would come up in mid-aughts conversations normally dominated by DEXTER, or Weeds (girls I would date were usually stronger-willed and muscled than me, so I settled into an Eric-ish self-deprecation mode that never felt good but at least felt defined), but I never watched it the way I did in that early teen fuzz, where the concept of sneaking out or drinking seemed so outlandish and attractively alien.

My summer after my first year of college (and the only summer I ever went back home for) was bleak. I had switched from journalism to creative writing, which my parents were not stoked on. I had experienced two relationships that were impactful but not meaningful. I had my first big surges of anxiety, panic attacks, calling friends and having nothing to say. I had a small part in a play and worked a part-time job doorknocking for a friends’ dad’s senate campaign. Having old people shout at me for supporting “the gays” in heat was far from reassuring life fodder. I rewatched all 200 episodes of the show that summer. It was true comfort at that point. True and natural nostalgia. It wasn’t “the 70′s”. It was just high school. It was friends. It was community. And the jokes felt cheesier than I’d remembered, but I excused them, the way you do when your mom ejects a jest you’ve heard a thousand times. The show didn’t ask me what I was going to do next, it just followed the quests of Donna to be taken seriously, of Eric to be respected by his dad, of Fez to be acknowledged as a person and also to “do it.”

Six years later and I find myself peppering in a few episodes amidst the onslaught of streaming content available. It’s odd now. It feels like summer break is done. I’ve grown so much in comedy and comedy has changed so much, on a pure structural level. Some quips that used to spark just flare out immediately, like the end of a sparkler placed in a Diet Dew can. A lot of themes and dialogue are pretty dated and gross, because it’s something made with a late 90′s concept of social structure trying to handle the 70′s style of equality, gender norms, etc. Hyde is not cool and anything remotely sexual from his mouth is dusting considering Danny Masterson’s real life monster behavior (go fuck yourself, Danny). It’s sad knowing Laurie (Lisa Robin Kelly) died from a drug overdose and the lifestyle she has on the show is so slut-shame-based, treats vices like weaknesses. The blacklight of time is on.

On a pure production level, it’s weird knowing more about sets and shooting and Hollywood gunk, which honestly does take a lot of the magic I used to see away.

But the frame and the shots and the haircuts and the love are still there. Things still work. I want to be in the circle. The world and the characters exist with such life. So many scenes are real laughter, the laughter of actors in their early 20′s having fun and being blown away that they’re getting an opportunity to create together. I don’t ever really drip into the later seasons (fuck Randy) except for that last episode when Topher returns. 

I watch that one a lot, actually. It makes me happy that past the prime of the narrative and show, they wanted to end it back on the steps with kids doing nothing and trying to understand the world right before the buttoned-up eighties. The world got uglier and prettier as the show left us, but the basic soul of the material is pure and honest and explorative. The way adolescence is. The way we can sometimes remember being. 

Below are my top five episodes. Hi, Wisconsin.

5. “Hunting” S 2, ep. 13

Eric and the guys go hunting with Red and Bob. This is some of the most stellar Red vs. Eric activity, but it comes to a real emotional truth that surpasses the show’s normal depth when Eric reveals he knows how to shoot animals and he just doesn’t want to. The way he uses an ability Red so aggrandizes to prove its arbitrary importance is such a satisfying kick in the khakis and a nice representation of one generation slightly jolting the other awake. Also, everyone accidentally eats crow. 

4. “Halloween” S 2, ep. 5

The gang breaks into their old elementary school and reads their permanent records. The relatable curiosity every kid has over what the fuck a permanent record means also turns into a beautiful bottle episode of “how did we all meet?” I always end up tracking the spider webs of my own friendships post-view.

3. “The Career Day” S1 ep. 18 

Seeing the spectrum of Point Place’s job market is pure fun. It’s such a good characterization episode (Kelso telling his brainy dad he’s just gonna write down that “he’s a farmer” always kills me) and it rocks that moment many of us go through where we look at what our parents do and think what the fuck am I gonna do? Certainly not that. 

2. “Parents Find Out” S2 ep. 19

The self-explanatory title was not only satisfying because of the parental reactions, but because there are a few episodes between when Eric and Donna lose the V and when it actually matters. You know when you do something you think your parents are gonna kill you for and then you realize they can’t really do anything? Every time I watch this I still feel like Red is going to shoot Eric. I am happy Pavlovian here. 

1. “Dine and Dash” S3 ep. 15

An amazing modernized “And Then They Were None” wherein we see each character slowly avoid the bill. Of course its dumb teenage rebellion, but there’s also a very human quality to each of the characters turning on each other. It’s carnival stress.

(below: My friend Adam and I at a gas station before prom in 2009, complete with 70′s locks).