📓:D

HI BELOVED!!! imma give you an angsty but heartwarming mlb fic idea that i'll never finish and hate a lot of but also love with my entire heart and refuse to delete <3

so, it's called "road to recovery" right now... hate the name, tbh. anyways, it's a miraculous chat fic except... okay so like, being akumatized is so traumatizing??? like, alix basically killed all her friends, ivan almost destroyed the city, nino basically attempted to murder all the adults in paris, rose took control of people's minds and manipulated them, kim almost got chat noir to kill ladybug and he was close to doing it, alya almost unmasked her hero and put her in danger, etc...

anyways, they're all traumatized. ivan is also canonically the first person to get akumatized. he's like. fourteen. please that has to have been so traumatic. so, nino is the second one in the class to get akumatized and he really struggles with it and texts ivan asking for help because he doesn't know how to cope. anyways, this causes them to become good friends, and they hang out a lot and talk a lot and rant a lot and just overall try to cope together. they thought it would just be them, but little did they know...

so, then alya gets akumatized and doesn't really take it well (understandably), so after awhile, nino texts ivan and is like "yo alya isn't okay... do we want to make a chat and add her?" so ivan makes a chat and adds alya. then alix gets akumatized, they add alix.

eventually, it's a chat for the classmates who've been akumatized and once it happens to someone, they get added. well, ivan or nino (since they started it) reach out and ask if they want to be added because they aren't going to just Add them without asking.

i'm like... really into the classmates as characters and i love their friendship because they are friends!!! so many people write them all as these big jerks because of freaking lila episodes that mischaracterized them all so people make them like. harass mari and i'm??? i hate it??? they deserve better??? and like nino is my favorite character, so getting to explore his character and interactions with others is SO FUN FOR ME!!! and kim is another favorite! and rose! and i've gotten to really explore sabrina and i have So Many headcanons about their families (and everyone can pry my headcanons about kim's family from my cold dead hands i Know Him and His Family)

anyways, it includes: learning that it's okay to ask for help, friendships being made / becoming stronger, alya correcting nino's typos, chloe redemption, the kids coping with ptsd, occasional fun jokes, nightmares, trying to be stronger for each other... etc :) oh and mari and adrien aren't in it so it's the classmates minus them not that i don't love them but a lot of the time, their characters are used to advance the main two's characters and also they've never been akumatized sooooo they do get cameos, tho, and i did plan on adding them after everyone in the class was in it (sometime around s2) because everyone was like "they've been through enough trauma due to akumas tbh also it feels mean to basically have a whole class chat without them lol"

anyways i really love the classmates as characters and wish they got more love and less hate and got more opportunities to be friends like ik they are and okay so this is Technically a wip, but it's something i don't think i'll ever finish, so it counts <3

Okay sorry if this is weird lol but in your "the bodyguards should have been friends" post you mentioned a fix-it fic and I am very intrigued- Is there anything about it you want to talk about?

Yeah!! I have a lot I want to write about (even though I haven’t finished the show, I’m already brain rotted)

The Theerapanyakun boys dynamic is one thing I plan to change/mess around with.

They would be genuinely unstoppable if they teamed up, but their dads (derogatory) are hellbent on keeping them isolated and in survival mode

They are all incredibly emotionally unavailable as well (they got HELLA trauma)

There’s five of them and I think each combination would have really different interactions/bonds

Khun, Kinn, and Kim are pit again Vegas and Macau their entire lives (major vs minor family feud, Korn and Gun being SHIT DADS)

They’re hostile because that’s what they were taught.

My plan/outline has them going through really big emotional break throughs (they get put in Situations and are forced to Confront their issues)

And as a result they band together

I also just want them to have good family relationships cause they deserve it

They bodyguards get to be Friends

I get that they had certain relationships and dynamics because it helped drive the plot

But holy hell imagine how uncomfortable that workplace setting was

Like big and Ken specifically hated Porsche. He hates them too, but it was an incredibly unhelpful thing

They all had their own duos (arm-pol, big-ken, Porsche-Pete), but as a group they could’ve had an great dynamic

Especially since they work for the same guys!! They get how crazy the work they do is, and they all know how these guys behave

They don’t even have to be besties (they aren’t for most of my rewrite) but for the sake of working smoothly they need to at least be casual and comfortable

I’m making Big work through his little crush on Kinn too

he and Porsche get to discuss what it’s like pursuing Kinn. it is something they should talk about, Kinn is a shared aspect of their life and having that grudge of “my crush chose him, not me.” Is just soooo petty and not healthy

Also Ken isn’t the traitor because I like him, he’s funky

Porsche and Chay are Good Siblings

I hate how they kept each other in the dark about huge things in their life

I understand (both as a younger sibling and as an older sibling) wanting to protect your family and not see them hurt. But it’s part of life!! Stuff hurts and it happens

They have a pretty special dynamic, with Porsche basically raising Chay

I wish we could’ve seen them being close siblings more in the series, I love the little montages we got of them together

But I think it’s missing that key part of them being unabashedly Honest and Real

Especially since Porsche choosing to become a bodyguard impacted a lot of Chays life. The one constant and stable figure of his life disappeared overnight and he had no way of contacting him

Porchay was alone during one of the most vital times of his adolescence. Porsche was isolated during a big change in his

In the rewrite, I want them to be more open about what they’re experiencing

They’re also just more ‘sibling like’, they go to annoy each other for fun, they work together against people because they’re a team.

One specific scenario I’ve been thinking about is Chay seeking out his brother to just be with him. (The scenario I’ve been envisioning is Chay walking into Kinn and Porsches room just to stare at him, dance Gangnam Style, turn off the lights and leave. I want Kinn to be absolutely baffled and Porsche to be Just So Done)

They’re siblings!!! It’s so fun to bother your siblings

Korn and Gun DIE

Im the second biggest Korn-Anti (Kim is first)

They’re Bad Parents and Shit People

They tear people apart just for their benefit and I’m Over It

I want these mfs DEAD AND BURIED

Kim deserves to stand at his dads grave, talk shit and walk away

I want their kids to heal!!! They deserve to be happy, even if 3/5 of them are Gigantic Meanies

And some silly little details for fun!!

Porchay is a Kpop stan, I’m a Kpop stan so I’m projecting (he makes Porsche watch music videos with him and they learned a dance together once)

Porsche (pre-mafia) was involved in a variety of activities (street racing, dance battles, catering, modeled once or twice)

Porsche can do street dancing, learned when he was like 11 and it became his go to dance style

Porsche and Chay have matching tasers (Kuromi and My Melody respectively)

They bond over sad music (Olivia Rodrigo, Lana Del Ray, Taylor Swift and Mitski)

Chay likes Sanrio

Chay gets his own ‘stage name’ (its Serpent, he wanted a cool sounding one like Phoenix)

Macau shows up more, no particular reason I just miss him

Jom and Tem show up more towards the beginning (they’re Porsches ride or dies)

Big also speaks English (while Ken is Aussie, he’s got a bit of a English accent)

Kinn really likes snoopy (he has a snoopy blanket from Khun that he hides)

Khun makes the bodyguards (main 6) dress up as the sailor scouts at some point. They all fight over who gets to be Sailor Moon (Ken won and actually ate it up)

A lot more name calling and cursing, I’m talking fun ones!! Porsche calls Ken and big lots of names when they’re rivals. (‘Mean girls’, ‘Dick riders’, at one point ‘Jack and Jill’)

Kim is into lots of alt-rock, pop-punk, and alt-indie American bands

his music as WIK is nothing like any of that. It’s just Jeff saturs discography (in my mind I’m mixing in other solo artists, mainly eric nam and RM) [i have a lot of brain rot regarding music]

Kinn is a LOSER (/pos, affectionate) he deserves it

The bodyguards get drunk together and make a tier list on which Theerapanyakun boy is the most likely to get canceled and why (ignoring mafia activities) [i might make this a post later lmao]

While they’re getting drunk Porsche falls and eats shit, big loses it and cries from laughing (that’s their little break through moment in their friendship)

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

Well, I’ve managed to put some time into Stream for Mac this week. I’d really messed it up trying to force the codebase into something I wanted, so I started over. Yeah, that sucks, but I think in the end it will have been the right choice.

Taylor — my movie going buddy and youngest daughter — and I saw Dune Part Two last night and we both really enjoyed it. I won’t give away any spoilers here but I wonder if it gave us some insight not given in the book. The problem is I can’t remember the book that well because it’s been 20-plus years since I read it. I enjoyed the ending but it most certainly leaves the door open for Dune: Messiah and Children of Dune. I hope they happen.

I’ve finished today’s post and I’m getting ready to publish. I’ve also come downstairs to my computer so I can work on Stream for Mac today. I’m not exactly sure what I’ll work on yet but I have Import and Export of OPML working as well as Refresh. In my little app that covers a huge swath of functionality because Stream is so darned simple. I’ll spend a whole lot of time on the UI to make it look as good as I’m capable of doing. I still have two important bits of UI to get in; Settings and Adding Feeds. Those will be brand new bits and I’ll get some exposure to more AppKit APIs while I’m at it, which is a big goal for me.

Something I’ve been considering is a triple-pane UI, which is the opposite of what Stream was written to be. I’m still thinking about that move while I work through the basics. The more I think about it the more I both like and hate the idea. In the meantime I have plenty of polish work to do on the app itself. Keyboard shortcuts and right mouse clicks will play an important role in the Mac version.

Anywho, I hope you enjoy the links.

Diana Dasrath • NBC News

Richard Lewis, revered comic and ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ star, dies at 76

RIP 🪦

The White House

Today, the White House Office of the National Cyber Director (ONCD) released a report calling on the technical community to proactively reduce the attack surface in cyberspace. ONCD makes the case that technology manufacturers can prevent entire classes of vulnerabilities from entering the digital ecosystem by adopting memory safe programming languages

I instantly think of Rust when I read memory safe programming languages, but Swift falls into that category as well.

The biggest problem, if you want to call it that, is our entire infrastructure lives on top of systems built in C and C++ years, and years, and years ago.

Who will be the first to rewrite a major OS in Rust or Swift? Microsoft has done some work in Windows to rewrite a tiny portion in Rust but what about an entire OS?

Heck, even some very modern efforts, like Google’s Fuscia, are in C++.

Will we see an effort to replace OS Kernels with Rust? Or perhaps the API layers on top of OSes because they provide a bigger attack surface? No matter, I’d be interested in watching something so daunting.

Roberto Baldwin • Ars Technica

The Electrify America flagship station is what charging should have been all along. It’s also what companies like the seven-automaker joint venture now called IONNA are promising. We should expect to see more of this sort of facility as EVs increase in market share; many new owners don’t want to compromise when it comes to keeping their vehicles on the road.

This gives me hope for a good electric vehicle future.

You know what would be even better? Better mass transportation systems powered by electricity.

Whizy Kim • Vox

Older Americans are working longer. Some want to; others have to.

Well, this will most certainly be me. I did a horrible job planning for retirement so the best I can hope for is to slow down a bit and do part time work (if I can!)

I figure I’ll be forced out of the tech space by an aging brain and the inability to keep up with the youngins coming into the workforce.

Maybe a part time gig at a place like Starbucks will work for me? Someday I suppose we’ll find out.

Joe Taraborrelli • Sony Interactive

We envision reducing our headcount by about 900 people, or about 8% of our current workforce

Ugh. More layoffs. This time it’s hitting the video games sector.

I hope everyone who lost their job was taken care of.

We had a layoff at WillowTree a couple weeks back that took out a whole bunch of VPs and Partners and another realignment of the company. It’s been a really weird year since the acquisition.

Neil Long • mobilegamer.biz

Inside Apple Arcade: axed games, declining payouts, disillusioned studios – and an uncertain future

I wonder if this will affect my friends at The Iconfactory? They have a really fun game called Frenzic: Overtime in Apple Arcade.

I hope not. ❤️

Nick Barclay • The Verge

Apple has halted its long-rumored “Project Titan” work on developing an electric car, according to Bloomberg. The company reportedly announced the news internally on Tuesday and said many people in the 2,000-person team behind the car will shift to generative AI efforts instead.

This always felt like a weird project to me. Why a car? Maybe the answer is: because. That’s a valid reason in my book.

Say, has anyone integrated CarPlay to the extent Apple demo’d at WWDC? You know, the one where the entire dashboard is a giant CarPlay screen?

Sameer Ajmani

In this article, I’ll talk about how we aligned Go with Google Cloud while preserving the core values that make Go great for everyone.

I’ve always seen Go as C for the internet. I’m not sure how many folks realize what an impact C had. 20 years ago almost everything was written in C, C++, or Objective-C. If you wanted speed and portability it was your only choice.

I spent 20+ years writing C/C++ code and I still love the language.

I wonder if Go has that kind of following? The web seems to be largely built on Java, Python, Ruby, and JavaScript, of course I could be 100% wrong about that. 😃

Samantha Cole • 404 Media

Tumblr and Wordpress are preparing to sell user data to Midjourney and OpenAI, according to a source with internal knowledge about the deals and internal documentation referring to the deals.

This doesn’t sound like something Matt Mullenweg would be into.

But, he’s been on sabbatical lately and made enemies with the Trans community. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Stacey Leasca • Food & Wine

Wendy’s Is Introducing Uber-Style ‘Surge Pricing’

How in the world do they think this is going to actually work?

It’s lunch time, the lobby of a Wendy’s is full. The menu updates, doubling prices.

The lobby empties out. 😁

Martin Fowler

Improvements in communications technology have led an increasing number of teams that work in a Remote-First style, a trend that was boosted by the forced isolation of Covid-19 pandemic. But a team that operates remotely still benefits from face-to-face gatherings, and should do them every few months.

I’m down with this idea. We tried having on sites for our remote group but it became cost prohibitive. We managed to have two before they were canceled as an activity.

As an aside, I’ve had COVID once. I got it at our first offsite. 😷

Hartley Charlton • MacRumors

Microsoft Begged Apple to Adopt Bing as Safari’s Default Search Engine

Apparently they didn’t beg hard enough. They must not have tried begging with a bag of cash much, much, larger than what Google paid.

Show me the money!💰

Stephen M. Curry • InfoWorld

The Java Ring is an extremely secure Java-powered electronic token with a continuously running, unalterable realtime clock and rugged packaging, suitable for many applications. The jewel of the Java Ring is the Java iButton – a one-million transistor, single-chip trusted microcomputer with a powerful Java virtual machine (JVM) housed in a rugged and secure stainless-steel case.

This is a pretty cool piece of hardware and I want one. I could see having a ring like this for unlocking doors and controlling various simple devices in some fashion.

If it doubled as a signet so I could press it into wax that would be even cooler. 😃

The Persona 3,4, and 5 Rewrite FAQ Masterpost

Everything under the cut! Including my plans, current fics, and spoilers for all three!

Persona 3 Rewrite, titled “Pull The Trigger” (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18834676/chapters/44696302) -Hamuko is the main character, and protagonist! She does all the major plot important things, cause it’s what she deserves. -Minato is not excluded though! He is still a part of S.E.E.S, and is a senior student. He takes the role of the Navigator. His Persona is Eurydice, to mirror Hamuko’s Orpheus! -Fuuka is no longer the team’s Navigator! I’ve reworked Lucia into a battle oriented Persona! She uses the nuclear skills from p5, and has a big fuck off sword. -Yukari/Hamuko/Aigis RIGHTS! -Minato/Akihiko RIGHTS! -More LGBT Rep! -Not as many social links, mainly cause i’m not a big fan of the P3 SL’s, keeping the party members and a few favorites. -Both Elizabeth and Theodore are included, with the added addition of Theodore staying out of the Attendant fight. They are represented by the Temperance social link. -Shinji still dies, sorry!  -Ken isn’t used in combat as much, cause he’s 9. Same with Koromaru.  -Operation Babehunt? Don’t know her! The gang meets Aigis when Hamuko spots her on the beach. -The Awnser’s time loop isn’t just hand waved??? It’s def more explicit with (SPOILERS), Metis’s whole deal of being Aigis’s Shadow? -Little stuff, like Pharos ending everything conversation with “Time Never Waits”, Hamuko using ultimate personas after finishing social links, Rio’s inclusion, Hidetoshi’s exclusion, Fuuka being trans, etc, etc Persona 4 Rewrite, titled “Part The Fog”! -First off, Kanji is mlm, and Naoto is a trans boy. Those are the stories that Atlus wrote, but refused to follow up on. Naoto’s arc is about accepting himself as trans, Kanji’s is about him recognizing himself as gay. -Kanji is now the Navigator! Featuring a redesigned Take-Mikauzachi! Rise takes his role as an active party member. -Soukanji rights!!! Yukichie rights!!! Naorise rights!!! -Yosuke, Yosuke is bi. His social link itself is about overcoming his internalized biphobia and homophobia. It’s not his shadow’s main focus, but it’s a part of it. -Rise’s shadow is no longer a pole-dancer! her shadow takes the form of a clown like Rise, putting on a LOVELY carnival (her dungeon) to get people to look at her for who she really is. She finally takes off her make-up in the boss fight, splitting into a bunch of different rise’s and begging her to tell her who “The Real Rise Is?”, kinda like P4TA. -Adachi is dead. Full stop. He does not come back for P4AU. -Speaking of spin-offs, Kanami Mashita! After the events of P4D, she gets a Persona of her own, Laetitae! -Biggggg social link changes. A disguised Kanami, Amnesiac Labrys, and Sho all apear as Social Links. Kanami being The Hanged Man, Labrys being Strength, and Sho as the Moon. Other SL’s changed accordingly. -Marie is still present, and is more integrated into the story. She is one half of Izanami, and willingly erased her memories after seperation. She herself carries Fog with her, and appears...off. She has a too-long shadow, her smile’s a little too wide, her eyes a little too yellow, rain seems to follow her.  -Teddie is not a perv character. He’s close to the plot so I couldn’t write him out??? But he’s not as pervy as he is in canon, just a flirt. Also Teddie’s Bi, so jot that down.  -I really liked the concept that Rise’s non “Risette” personality was harsh and aggressive? So she’s really rough around the edges when she first meets the IT, only warming up to them after her dungeon is completed. Think Severa from FE13. -Overall, a lot more actual truth finding, a lot less homophobia and transphobia. Persona 5 rewrite, titled “Invitation To Freedom”!  -this is the one im most excited for HOLY S H IT -okay so, -redesigns for everyone’s phantom thief attire. especially the girls. Ann’s design is more like, a mix between her persona and Shego from Kim Possible? If that makes sense? Less dominatrix, more cutesy evil queen. (Makoto is more knight like, but is still spiky like a biker, Futaba resembles a video game merchant mixed with a tech super villain, and Haru is full on Musketeer.) -MORGANA ISN’T CREEPILY INTO ANN. NO MORE ANN BEING CONSTANTLY SEXUALIZED. G O D -speaking of Ann, her entire awakening scene is reworked. No more writhing for my girl. She still kicks the sword and kills Cognitive Ann tho. -Pegoryu rights!! Shihoann rights!! Okujima rights!! Kasutaba rights!! -Akechi joins during Kaneshiro’s palace, along with Makoto! Makoto gets herself in too deep thanks to her being over-protective, and Ren folds, saying that they need someone with detective work to help them, and as much as he hates it, Akechi’s probably been onto them for awhile now anyway. -Akechi is still the traitor. -There are not one, not two, but three players in Yaldaboath’s game! Whose’s the third player? Kasumi Yoshizawa! -Kasumi actually has her own team of Phantom Thieves! They interrupt The PT’s antics the palace, messing with them in Mementos, being rascals. her team includes Hifumi Togo, Sho Minazuki (the weird uncle who followed her into the metaverse), and an OC! (She’s currently based oN Hatsune Miku because I do what I want.) [This was inspired by a tumblr post I saw once,] -When I say that Kasumi messes with the PT, I mean like. They have this elaborate plan to steal Madarame’s treasure, but whoops! Kasumi has already swiped the thing and is a making a break for the exit! -Along with the standard chapters, smaller ones will be added to give the reader Kasumi’s perspective! She is also a wild card. -Goro lives and has a palace, sorry atlus!! -That one scene where Ryuji gets beat up for scaring everyone? Not fucking happening babey! -All those extra cells in the Velvet Room? there are only three! This is how Kasumi and Ren figure out each other are Royal (Codename still pending) and Joker. Miscellaneous

-I am currently in the process of adding more Personas and Demons to a growing roster so I can give each Arcana an even amount! Most info on the actual Personas, their skills, and the associated Social Links, can be found here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1uHJv26RnGryvx_yhfzloPzIQUAB_cYOtwyzWGAxKdlQ/edit?usp=sharing EDIT: i completely forgot that most of the new personas im adding are from Bayonetta!

-also im indecisive so uhhh help me decide P4 protag and p5′s protag’s name!

https://www.strawpoll.me/18128738 (P4)

https://www.strawpoll.me/18128740 (P5)

The Love of a Cat, Chapter 7

Dear Maman and Papa,

It feels as though I left forever ago, but I have only been here a week. I miss you very much. I want to come home, but I know I cannot. It feels very odd to be known as Lady Noir. I do not feel like I deserve that title, nor do I feel like it fits. While most girls would be thrilled to marry a viscount, I would be more than happy to give that up to come home to you.

It is so strange. Nothing is the same. I do not have to wake early to assist you with chores. Instead, I have a lady’s maid to help me ready in the morning as well as teach me how to be a proper lady. Can you imagine your clumsy daughter who used to trip over the loose threads of her skirt becoming a proper lady? It is going about that well. My lady’s maid, Tikki, is very kind and has the patience of a saint. I’m not sure how she puts up with me sometimes when all I want to do is give up and go home. I will not lie, I have cried several times, but Tikki is always there to calm me and pat my head and reassure me, like you always do. You would like her very much.

The one thing that keeps me happy is sewing. When Tikki learned I loved sewing, she petitioned Lord Noir to allow me to sew my own wardrobe. She said it took some convincing, but he allowed me to sew one dress in order to critique so that he could decide if I got to sew any more. While it saddens me that the clothes I had sewn are no longer good enough for my new station, Tikki is always there with a smile and encouragement. She had the utmost confidence that Lord Noir would allow me to sew my entire wardrobe, and that I simply needed to prove my skills to him. To say I was nervous was an understatement.

When she brought me the most beautiful pink fabric, I was so excited that I spent most of the day as well as a good portion of the night creating and sewing the gown. I finished it in two days, and while it is the most beautiful thing I have ever created, I feel strange wearing it. It is too high class, and I am almost afraid that I will ruin it, but it is pink and covered with white lace and I love it. Tikki tells me I look like a true princess in it. That compliment scares me more than flatters me because it is the truth. I do look beautiful in it, but I feel like an imposter.

Just yesterday, Lord Noir told me that I was allowed to create the rest of my wardrobe seeing as I did such a fantastic job with my pink dress. Tikki promised to bring me the best fabric she could find. I wanted to go pick out the fabric myself, but Lord Noir didn’t want me to leave the house just yet. Tikki seconded the idea, saying that I should adapt to my home first before I take a tour of the town. I know their true reasoning, though. I heard Lord Noir’s Valet, Plagg, talk about the rumors circulating though the town. I know they want to keep me here at Hall Noir for my protection and safety. After hearing that, the little bit of courage that I had mustered to fight them on the subject disappeared. I just want to stay inside and hide away. It’s the second best option to coming home to you.

Despite what Tikki says, this place is not home to me. I cannot it any conscious call it home. I know one day I’ll have to face that fact, but for now, this it just a house. A large house that I still get lost in. It has three separate seating rooms, a dining hall, several bedrooms, and a library. My own room is large and far too white for my liking, but I have a private bathing room with a huge bathtub and even my own balcony. It gives a nice view of the gardens in the back of the house. Lord Noir told me that I can decorate my room however I wish, but I have not figured out what I want, and I am still slightly nervous to ask.

Lord Noir is a strange man, to say the least. I will put your mind at ease and assure you that Lord Noir has been nothing but a gentleman to me. However, he still wears the mask and these fabric cat ears pinned to his head. I do not know why, nor do I have the courage to ask as of yet. One of these days, I will, but not for a while.

Also, I know you may be wondering why I still refer to him as Lord Noir while he is my husband. Frankly, it does not feel right. He has tried to convince me to call him his given name, but I do not feel comfortable doing so. I think it bothers him that I call him by his title, but he tries not to show it. Instead, he has been spending the past week attempting to make me feel comfortable around him. He has mocked himself in order to get me to smile. He has tried to start conversations with me, however short and vague they may be. He has, and still is, giving his best. I will give credit where credit is due. However, he still feels like a stranger to me.

Furthermore, I wish for you to know that while he is my husband, he seems determined not to lay with me. It is a comfort. The first night here, when my first lady’s maid who was not Tikki sent me into his room, he sent me back, giving me his word. He told me that as of now, he wished to be friends. I want to try, and I have been, but this is all so overwhelming that I feel like I am shutting him out more than anything. He’s a kind and good man, but I am still nervous around him. Is it all right to be? I don’t know. By law, he is my husband. Thinking about this all just makes me confused and scared.

I miss you. I miss seeing you. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss your wisdom. I wish you were here with me to help me through this. I am so confused and conflicted. Unfortunately, the best I can say to you now is that I love you very much, and that I hope that I will see you again soon.

Love, your daughter, Marinette.

She reread the letter, wiping away the tears in her eyes before they could fall and mar the very pretty paper she had been given to write on. She realized belatedly that she forgot to tell them about Baron Lahiffe and Sir Kim, but she supposed that could wait until the next letter. She honestly didn’t want to rewrite it, not after the two hours she spent composing this one.

She folded it and sealed it with some red wax and her own seal. She removed the metal stamp, observing the loopy swirls left in the wax. L.N. Lady Noir. When Lord Noir had given it to her, he said it was his mother’s seal. He also told her she was allowed to commission a new one if she wished. Marinette had assured him that this one was fine, to which he responded to tell him if she ever changed her mind. She hated that he was spending so much on her. He always offered to change something, to get her something new, to replace things. Frankly, no matter how much she wished to, she was just thankful for what she did have. She would be content for now. She would prioritize the things she truly wished to be different, such as her room being painted. Then maybe different curtains. She would quilt her own bed cover; she had a new pattern she wished to try. She was still deciding if the seal was one of those things she truly wished to replace or not. She was leaning towards yes, but wanted to make certain before asking. She wouldn’t try to be a burden or demanding.

Wiping the remnant of tears off her face, she stood from her seat. She wanted to find Tikki or maybe Plagg and ask them to mail the letter right away. Quickly checking her appearance in her floor length mirror and practicing a smile that would hopefully hide the redness of her eyes, she headed out the door.

There were not many people here. Just Tikki, Plagg, and Ms. Mendeleiev. Lord Noir commented a couple times—never to her specifically, but that she overheard—that if he could find more good people, he would hire them, but no one wanted to work for Chat Noir. It made her slightly nervous to be married to the man that seemingly was cut off of society. Was she worse off for marrying this man?

She tried not to think about it too much.

After wandering the house once over yet finding no one, she tried again. Only to stop when she heard a voice in the library. She turned and walked back to the door she had just passed. Inside, Lord Noir lay on the couch, sleeping apparently. Not wanting to wake him, Marinette nearly took her leave when his whole body flinched. That’s when she noticed his eyes were not just shut but scrunched together. His hands clenched and unclenched, his breathing was rapid and short. “No,” he mumbled. “No. No.”

Marinette leaned forward, half-way frozen in the doorway as she realized he was having a nightmare.

“No,” he huffed, his entire body flinching and heaving. “Stop.”

Suddenly, arm shot forward, and he nearly fell off the couch.

Shocked, Marinette backtracked, hiding outside the door frame, away from view.

She listened for any sign that he had gone back to sleep. Instead, his breathing had changed. Hard and heavy. “Just a dream,” he mumbled. “Just another dream.”

Marinette’s soft heart hurt for him. Was this not his first bad nightmare? Was that why he said another dream?

She heard him shifting, likely to get up, and Marinette began panicking. She should leave. Not let on that she had seen him.  

She barely made it down the hallway when Marinette heard him call out for her. She turned around to see him standing just outside the library. She gave him her forced smile as she approached him. “Hello,” she said shyly. “Um… I’ve been looking for someone to…uh…send out this letter for me.” She raised her letter for him to see.

He gave her a partial smile. “Is it for your parents?”

Marinette felt her cheeks warm as she nodded.

He extended his gloved hand. As Marinette looked at them, she realized she forgot to put that in her letter, too. He always wore those leather gloves. “I’ll have that personally sent off for you.”

“Are you certain?”

He nodded, one of his cat ears coming loose and falling at a slight angle. “Nino is getting stir crazy. He needs something to do.” He looked over her head to something beyond her and raised his voice. “He won’t mind traveling north to personally deliver a letter to my wife’s parents.”

Marinette heard a sigh behind her. “Apparently, it would be my honor.”

With a smug grin, Lord Noir held out her letter for the baron to take.

Nino carefully took the letter and tucked it in his vest. “I’ll go pack for the trip,” he assured her, giving her a smile before turning back to his friend. “By the way, your cat ear’s crooked.

Marinette smiled at the deadpan look the grumpy cat shot his best friend.

Nino thought it was funny as well. “Don’t kill me yet, my friend. You still need me to deliver this,” he said, carefully patting the letter in his vest.

“You’re lucky about that, or else I would have.” It had to be the fifth time this week that Lord Noir disowned Nino as a friend, but Marinette could see the two were closer than brothers.

Nino then turned to shoot a wink at Marinette. “It seems you’re my good luck charm, milady.”

Marinette blushed at that. “My parents always told me I was, despite me having the luck of a black cat.”

Lord Noir grinned at that. “Then maybe we can balance out each other’s luck, hmm?”

Her cheeks burned, and maybe her heart started beating a bit faster in nervousness, but she had learned that he was a tease. She knew she could handle him. She could handle her papa with his terrible puns and jokes. This man had proved himself not to be much different. “We’ll have to see about that, milord. We’ll see.”

And so 2017 draws to a close. I for one can not be more relieved.

This year has been a tumultuous one indeed: I moved countries, got married, began a new day-job, bought my first car, and moved again (domestically this time); I said goodbye to my Grandmother, a second mother who raised me alongside my own; and lost two public figures (Chester Bennington and Kim Jonghyun), who have been a source of love, comfort and inspiration, to this terrible illness called depression, of which I also chronically suffer. It really has been all over the place–I have been all over the place. Personal rollercoaster aside, though, and my writing career(?) has been a pleasantly stable fixture. Let’s take a look.

  Chester Bennington: A musician who understood me…

Kim Jonghyun: And one who comforted me.

  THE YEAR THAT WAS

What I Read:

Admittedly, I fell short of my reading goals for this year. Twenty-five titles in 12 months for a snail who averages one book every three was perhaps a little lofty. I’d like to blame my lack of reading on all the reasons previously mentioned but a great deal of my free time (that which doesn’t go to writing) is lost to video games and tumblr. I am human after all.

Of the twenty-three titles I actively attempted, seventeen were completed; four were started then chucked into the read-again-at-a-later-date (maybe) pile; and two were straight-up DNF–John Gwynne’s tediously written mantasy epic Malice, and Lian Hearn’s bitterly disappointing The Tale of Shikanoko. I do hope to finish Interview with the Vampire in the future–I was listening to an audio version–but am not 100% committed to The Bane Chronicles, Prince of Thorns or Left Hand of Darkness. I have a feeling Ursula leGuin and I are not going to be the best of friends and, while there was nothing wrong with Prince of Thorns, I didn’t like any of the characters so I wasn’t overly compelled to find out what happens to them. As for The Bane Chronicles … what can I say? My love for Harry Shum Jr as Magnus Bane in the horridly trashy yet strangely addictive Shadowhunters TV show does not transcend into the written word. I don’t particularly care for Cassandra Clare‘s prose nor does the character shine as much as he does on screen. Disappointing.

Moving on to the books I did stick with to completion and I’m pleased to say it was a fairly decent year, averaging a respectable 3.5 stars, made of up some truly wonderful reads and some far less ones. I’m actually struggling to pick a favourite title this year because when the books were good they were good. To make things easier for myself by excluding books part of a series I’m yet to complete, I am left with three: Uprooted, the Golem and the Djinni and the Darkest Part of the Forest. All written by female authors, I might add–go girls, go! I can honestly say I adored each and every one of these books and the stories and their characters are still with me now at year’s end. But, gun to my head, and I’d have to say the Darkest Part of the Forest takes home the accolade due to the outrageous speed my slow-arse devoured it. Holly Black has been a great discovery for me in 2017 and, having received Coldest Girl in Coldtown for Christmas and eagerly awaiting her soon-to-be-released Cruel Prince, I feel this relationship is only going to heat up in the year to come.

I finished 2017 in the middle of three titles:

His Majesty’s Dragon (Temeraire) – Naomi Novik 62%

Puppet Master, Vol 4 – Miyuki Miyabe 46%

The Obelisk Gate – N K Jemisin 45%

Technically, I have also started Gathering of Shadows (Shades of Magic #2) and Kings Rising (Captive Prince #3) but haven’t touched those for months and will no doubt restart from the beginning once I conquer my current reads.

You can see My Year in Books over on my Goodreads page.

What I Wrote:

As of December 31st, the second draft of Garden of the Gods sits at 46 563 words, which is approximately half-way through the rewritten manuscript. Despite my initial plans to have had this draft with beta readers in November, I’m not entirely disappointed with my progress. The major plot and structural changes I had to make to Book One, now tentatively titled Torn Sky, are finally coming together and I’m really getting excited for beta readers to jump in and shoot off some external feedback. The prose is tighter across the board compared to the first draft, which I had been working on for three years prior to completing it November 16 2016. So things are moving slowly. But they are moving.

In addition to the progress made on Garden of the Gods I published a handful of book reviews and the following short stories:

[teaser 01] the morning of

[teaser 02] the collector’s lost things

[short story] the cottage on peppercorn tree hill

A number of other short stories and additional teasers are in the works and should be published here throughout the course of 2018.

  THE YEAR THAT WILL BE

I’m not one for making goals as I hate failing and my own expectations are often hard to meet. One of the big changes I hope to implement in 2018 is to make myself accountable for my own achievements. I’m going to set deadlines for my work and I’m going to reach them, not shrug them off because I only have myself to answer to. In my personal life, I hope to live by a simple More/Less structure:

move more/eat less

read more/watch less

write more/play less

smile more/worry less

Career-wise I have given myself far less ambiguous goals as I have mapped out the entire year and where I want to be with my writing. Because life happens, I didn’t want to be so rigid in setting specific dates and times for things to happen so have instead broken the year into quarters and assigned actions I wish to take place in them:

Q1

Finish Torn Sky

Build online presence (that means more content for this bad boy!)

Decide between traditional and indie publishing options

Q2

Send Torn Sky to beta readers (now seeking volunteers)

Begin work on Book Two: Blood of Demons

Continue rolling out blog content

Q3

Consolidate returned beta comments

Address feedback and complete final edits of Torn Sky

Begin querying/approaching graphic designers

Q4

Continue Book Two–aiming for 80% completion of first draft

Publish Torn Sky teasers on blog

All of this is building to my ultimate goal of being a published author–however that may occur–before November 2019, when I will turn dirty thirty. If everything flows smoothly along my desired trajectory, then books two and three will be released in 2020 and 2021 respectively.

In addition to all this writing and work on making myself known I have pledged to read 20 books in 2018, most of which I intend to be finishing series I started in 2017. This includes but not limited to Shades of Magic (VE Schwab), Mistborn (Brandon Sanderson), The Witcher (Andrzej Sapkowski), The Raven Cycle (Maggic Steifvater), Puppet Master (Miyuki Miyabe) and The Broken Earth (N.K Jeminsin). Stand alone titles on the TBR this year include They Both Die at the End (Adam Silvera), Cloud Atlas (David Mitchell) and The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood).

It’s going to be a busy year. But (currently) I am positive! I’m not going to have the same issues with books two and three of Garden of the Gods as I have had with Torn Sky. I don’t intend on rewriting entire manuscripts from scratch after completing the first draft, as I have done with the first installment. There were serious plot and character issues that came to light the more I worked on Torn Sky and so rather than start again again (again-again-again: this story has been with me since 2004) I pushed through just to get to the end. I am confident this time (I hope) I now have everything where I want it to be and have set up the through-line to carry the rest of the series.

Having taken the effort to put a timeline in place (albeit a rough one) I hope I can stay motivated enough to actually follow it through. With everything that happened in 2017, I’ve learned nothing if not life is short; that passion can drive you anywhere; and that just because my mental illness tells me I’m a untalented piece of rubbish, doesn’t mean the world will agree with it.

Come at me, twenty-eighteen.

  j.a.m

    So long, 2017! [blog] The year that was & the year that will be #amwriting #writer #fantasy And so 2017 draws to a close. I for one can not be more relieved. This year has been a tumultuous one indeed: I moved countries, got married, began a new day-job, bought my first car, and moved again (domestically this time); I said goodbye to my Grandmother, a second mother who raised me alongside my own; and lost two public figures (