WIP Whenever

Tagged by the lovely @boethiahspillowbook and @wildhexe! Thank you both friends! Tagging @elfinismsarts @thelavenderelf @katastronoot and anyone seeing this, consider yourself tagged.

I can't recall if I've shared this before but have a snip of an upcoming chapter, featuring the staff of the Bee and Barb and one troubled Teldryn.

With a sigh, he found his way to the door of the Bee and Barb and stepped inside.  The place was empty save for the Argonian couple who owned it and a young Imperial man in golden mage robes seated at the bar.  The mage, he noted, seemed to be here every time they had visited, regardless of the time of day.  Perhaps he lived at the tavern.  

“Don’t think I’ve seen you here this early before,” Keerava said as Teldryn found a stool at the bar.  The young mage hardly spared him a glance.  “Can I get you anything?  Breakfast?  Milk?”

“Cliff Racer, if you will.”

Keerava’s eyes widened a little.  “A bit strong for this time of day, don’t you think?”

Teldryn set a few Septims on the bartop whilst holding back a groan of irritation.  “Just give me the damn drink, please.”

“Alright, alright.  Talen, one Cliff Racer, make it quick!”

“A Cliff Racer?  It isn’t even midday!”  Talen-Jei spoke up from the other side of the bar, not bothering to turn around to look.

“Just make the damn drink.  Got a paying customer here!”

Talen-Jei heaved a sigh and began to grab the ingredients to make the cocktail.  After gathering the bottles under his arm and a clean flagon in his free hand, he turned around to prepare the drink, his gaze settling upon Teldryn.  He gave a smile and sat the bottles on the bar and began to pull the corks out.  “Never too early for a strong drink, am I right?”  

“It isn’t my first choice for breakfast, just need something to calm my nerves.”  

“I understand,” Talen said, then raised a curious brow.  “Here alone today, hmm?  Don’t you usually come here with Wren?”

Teldryn gave a shallow nod.  “Usually.”

Talen’s smile turned to a faint wince.  “I’m guessing she’s the reason you’re here, then.”

“Talen, don’t be nosy!”  Keerava scolded him from the other end of the bar.  

“It’s part of the job to talk to my customers, dear.”  Talen finished pouring the drink, then handed it over with a wary grin.  “So, what’s on your mind?  You’re among good company, friend, let it out.”

Teldryn grabbed it eagerly and took a long and deep drink.  Like liquid flame, it burned.  After a second sip, he set the flagon down and clasped his fingers together tightly.  

“Her.”  

“Thought so.  I see you two here a lot, did something happen?”

“Think she ran off,” Teldryn muttered.  “Haven’t seen her in three days.”

Talen frowned.  “I’m sorry, you two seem quite close.  Were you… together?”  He waved a clawed hand in front of him, as if to emphasize his intentions.  

“I’m her mercenary and her friend,” Teldryn said.  A sickening feeling rose in his gut as he recalled her words, and he forced out a gruff laugh.  It hurt, but he dared not show it.  “And nothing more.”

Blorbo from My Nightmares

i have this fascination with price. hes sort of this unsulliable steel, consistently to nearly always making the (as the games frame it) correct decisions, even when hes playing fast and loose with the law. his plans always work, hes never truly failed in the sense of real negative consequences for a choice (until 3 but 3 was badly written and i did not like it). hes always (in the game's framing) right. he never shows a moment of weakness. i love him ❤ i want to see him suffer i want him to make an objectively wrong choice. i want that choice to have consequences that shake his steady foundations and rock him to his core. i want him to fail. is that weird? i want him to lose control of his carefully maintained stony exterior. i want to see that side of him that is barely acknowledged to be genuinely explored. i know people justify it by saying hes a military captain in a ridiculously tough branch to get into, so of course hes like that, but in real life those guys are just as human as the rest of us, just as capable of mistakes and taking fat Ls and making poor decisions. I do love his character, he is my blorbo, i just want to put him in a jar and shake him real hard. is that weird?

Deadass, when I heard what happens in mw3 (still haven't gotten around to watching it, I'm fond of my brain cells and I feel like it'll kill some of them)--my first thought was that they should've killed Price.

Price is always barely restraining himself but he manages to keep himself in check for the most part. I imagine he's learned the hard way that if he lets his feelings dictate his actions then a lot of people get hurt.

Gaz and Soap, however, do not have the benefit of his experience. Ghost does, but he doesn't wield authority like Price's, and I have the feeling that he believes the Price keeps him in check (in his origin comics, he has frequent nightmares in which he assaults and murders people, because he went through months of classical conditioning in captivity).

So, let's say Mak shoots Price dead instead. Suddenly there's no one there to guide the surviving 141. Suddenly the wealth of experience he had to offer, the instincts for warfare that he honed over decades, is gone. Gaz loses his mentor. Ghost loses the man who holds his leash. Soap loses the one commanding officer he had any faith in.

Can you feel how that would raise the stakes exponentially? Price's influence, throughout the reboot, has kept everyone in line. He knows how to break the rules effectively while minimizing the consequences. He knows how to ignore distractions. He is ruthlessly efficient, without being brutal. The other three just do not have those skills. They are not capable of doing what Price does. They have neither the experience (in Gaz and Soap's case) nor the disposition (in Ghost's case).

Price dying would send shockwaves through the 141--through the entire cast--in ways that Soap's death just does not. Soap should have been the one in Shepherd's office with a silenced gun, because assassinating a FUCKING FOUR STAR AMERICAN GENERAL IN THE PENTAGON!!!!! Is not what an experienced captain in the SAS would do, no matter how he feels!!!!!! That is what a sergeant with more aptitude than sense and an overwhelming feeling of rage and loss would do!!!!!!

Aaaaand this is a rant nearly completely unrelated to what you were talking about lol. Sorry. I do want to see that old man suffer don't get me wrong. It's just that the suffering he's been set up for now, in canon, is SO MUCH BULLSHIT.

I'm already so sick of how the fallout of ofmd season 2 has snowballed into people on here going "fandom these days just can't handle Bad Things happening in media-- newsflash, characters have to get hurt and die, grow up!" all condescending like. First of all, in the context of Izzy, most people I've seen discuss his death agree that they would've accepted and enjoyed his death if it had just been handled appropriately, and also. "You just can't handle bad things happening to your fave!" Bruh. We were all partying it up when Izzy lost his fucking leg and was suffering physically and mentally. It can be FUN to see your blorbo suffer!

And that is just one example of a larger trend on this site-- people are really gonna come onto the "we love putting our blorbos in the blender and watching them struggle and suffer" site and say "kids these days can't handle Bad Things happening to their blorbos." Sorry, but that's just nonsense. Fandom loves their fix-its, but they also love shattering their faves. The problem has never been Bad Things happening in general, but HOW those things are framed within the narrative and how that narrative is told. The problem is when something is out of place in its genre, or when it goes against a promise the show has made, or when suffering is used flippantly and uncaringly, or when a character suffers and suffers and then just when they've finally caught a break, they're kicked down again, just for a cheap tug at your heartstrings.

Both within the context of ofmd AND in a wider fandom context, fandoms LOVE when our blorbos are hurt, as long as our blorbos are hurt RIGHT.

... And I think it sure is Something that a fandom can have a rampant issue with fans of a character being harassed and sent death threats and that's just "normal fandom being fandom" but god forbid people feel Emotions. About a Character and a Show. And dare to react by... just Offering Criticism! No, death threats are "fandom culture that comes with the territory," but if you vent post or criticize a writing decision in media, THAT'S being "hysterical" and "overly emotional" and "truly frightening behavior!" I just LOVE (big sarcasm) how back when people were getting doxxed and threatened for liking a guy, the fandom was all *cricket noises,* but NOW suddenly everyone is "terrified and exhausted by fandom's volatility" and "concerned about the fragile mental health of fans" when you simply say "damn that episode sucked and I sure am sad about it."

The OFMD fandom was toxic as fuck for a year and a half and continued to be toxic as fuck for all the airing of S2, so hardly surprising that the aftermath of S2 appears to be... toxic as fuck.

Least surprising thing in the world is that the people who hated Izzy and passively or actively supported driving his fans out of the fandom for "ruining it for everyone else" now think his fans should leave the fandom if they are so upset and stop leveraging "baseless criticism" at the show that is "ruining it for everyone else." They have normal not-at-all-parasocial relationships leading them to directly @ David Jenkins and thank him for a season that somehow managed to be both flawless and have all its flaws blamed on MAX, but those wretched Izzy stans have horrible-evil-parasocial relationships making them harass the crew by *footage not found*

If Mr. Jenkins decides to go scroll the #ofmd s2 tag on tumblr and stumbles across me - a random blog and icon - outlining how I think he fucked his show up, that's pretty clearly on him? This is tumblr. I have no relationship with this man or obligation to tailor every word I say as if he's bound to see it and going to take it personally???

I'm actually a big proponent of "Don't @ the cast and crew about pretty much anything" because the same fandom mentality that makes you think you can randomly ask him about your headcanon like you're chatting is what all these people are melting down about if someone directly goes "hey you killed my favorite character and that makes me mad!" - same fucking people, same fucking parasocial relationship. The standard of "only @ them for good things" is the flimsiest fucking line, as any ao3 writer who has received unsolicited "constructive criticism" or "advice" can tell you.

If we want to snidely get into "what this is really about" well it's the same fucking thing it was before:

People substituting subjective opinion as objective fact with zero self-awareness of doing so. "I liked this so it's good." "I didn't like this so it's bad." "I got bad vibes from that character so he was clearly written to be horrendous and unlikable." "I sympathized with this character so anyone suggesting he has flaws is demonizing him."

Or the deepest circle of fandom hell: "I think [insert identity] rep is so important and this piece of media fits into however I personally define 'good rep', therefore it is flawless and/or morally significant enough to be above criticism."

...which, yeah, leads to temper tantrum levels of fandom infighting, especially since people online express, fairly frequently, "I didn't like it because it was bad" and then present evidence for their point. And also a lot of fandom likes bad TV. Or even just mediocre TV that's entertaining.

I personally was not going to be happy about any person beyond one-offs, blatant villains, and background randoms dying because "they had to" (for their own arc or someone else's) because I fundamentally think if you believe you've written yourself into that corner in a workplace comedy that's built around a main romance arc... you're kinda stupid. Yes, even if it's pirate themed. Enough injuries have been walked off and lampshaded to confirm that part is aesthetic.

The fandom wiki for The Office lists 11 deceased characters. Three of them are fictional characters who die in an action-movie episode. Two are one-offs that get named dropped seasons later as having died offscreen. One of them is an offscreen cat, who appears to have had a more significant death plotwise and emotionally than any of the humans, and another is a woman who literally exists as a picture someone makes up a personality for and then discovers the real woman died. The most significant character on the list is a temp boss that got a four episode story arc about being a useless idiot who died in the hospital after a basketball dunking accident.

That is a show that ran for 9 seasons and over 200 episodes. It's pretty universally regarded as good, and the cringe asshole boss getting genuinely moving emotional beats is a big part of that. I think we can maybe pretty confidently say that reflecting the random realities of death is not essential to every story.

If OFMD wants to be evaluated as a hard-hitting drama or a queer story about the struggle of piracy against the Evil Empire, I will compare it to Black Sails instead of The Office. I just don't think David Jenkins is going to enjoy that comparison.

I'm not going to lower my standards because [insert rep reason the show must absolutely be a wild success here].

Me: omg I love the SoH ROs so much all I wanna do is daydream about them

Me, daydreaming about them: what if they almost died... What if they're bleeding out... What if the MC is bleeding out...

Unfortunately they're all blorbos now, which means I want them to suffer (affectionate)

Which brings the question, in a near death situation, which one of the ROs goes for a dramatic one liner and which one tries to actually say something meaningful?

Blade: he isn't one for drama so I feel like he just wouldn't really think, "i'm dying so this may be my last chance to say something," and would just be like "you... need to get out of here..." (always thinking of the other person), but if he did think he was dying, he'd try to say something meaningful!

Trouble: I don't think Trouble thinks he can be killed for real so he'd probably not even notice the severity of his own wounds, like "I'm fine, stop fussing over me and help [someone else wounded] or get after the enemy or etc.!!!" Not necessarily being nobly selfless like Blade, just sort of not aware how close he is to death and so isn't thinking about it/taking it seriously

Tallys: if she actually thinks she has a real shot of dying, she's staying calm and composed for the other person's sake and is going to fade away with quiet dignity, but she's definitely going to exchange some of the most heartfelt, gut-wrenching, meaningful words anyone's ever heard in their life on her hypothetical deathbed

Shery: I think she'd be sort of panicking and hysterical and trying to think of something meaningful to say, but it'd probably come off as menial, like "Make sure to look after Caine, and... please look after my plants..." Like frantically trying to go down a checklist and sort of being confused and panicky rather than having the wherewithal to actually say what she'd want to say in that kind of situation!

Riel: he'd be extremely calm and would be dishing out instructions on how it's going to go down and what's going to happen next. Basically getting his affairs in order in an efficient and tidy way as he's like literally bleeding out lol, by his composure alone you wouldn't think he was wounded! Basically the exact opposite of Shery, and it would only be in the final few moments of consciousness that he could stop being totally "logical" and he'd get quiet and be like, oh. this could actually be the end. In which case he'd try to sneak in something heartfelt and striking and poignant, but he'd probably have expended all his energy on the first part and would lose consciousness halfway through, so no one would know what he was going to say, and he "wouldn't remember" when he woke up lol

Chase: I think it really depends on the situation... he's been in so many near-death scenarios that he's gotten out of perfectly fine that it's a bit hum-drum for him now, so if it's a simple matter of "oh no i've been shot and i'm bleeding out" he'd probably go for the quip or the dramatic one-liner purely to put the people around him at ease or get them to crack a smile, but if it's like a "oh I'm already dead and there's no way anyone's going to save me except by literal intervention of the gods", maybe he'd say something more meaningful?? It really depends on who's with him and how lucid he is, though!

Red: he'd try to be bracing and good-hearted about it so as to not worry anyone or sabotage himself while he's down (he's of the mindset that if you embrace/accept death too preemptively, you're more likely to die, whereas if you act like it's going to be fine, there's a higher chance that, like, placebo effect will somehow help you pull through), so he'd be like, "Don't worry, haha, I've had worse..." *is bleeding out from a gut shot* "YOU HAVE??" "Well, no, but it hardly hurts..." I think if he genuinely thought it was too late for him, he'd say something meaningful, but it would take a lot for him to get to that point lol

Ayla: I feel like she'd just be pissed and not accepting the gravity of the situation, like, "Why are you all looking at me like that, I'm fine??? Blood replaces itself, you are being dramatic" So she probably wouldn't "waste time" on being sentimental when she can just WILL herself to get better, but if it got to the point where she thinks it's genuinely over, she'd abruptly get scared, emotional, tearful, and she'd probably choke out something vulnerable, like "I don't want to go like this..."

Briony: I think she'd be in shock and would behave similarly to Shery where she would just be saying whatever was racing through her mind, so it could possibly be meaningful and vulnerable, like "I always wanted to... [x]" or it could be somewhat nonsensical or brushing the whole thing off, like "It's just a scratch, I just need to rest, make sure that so-and-so is seen to because I saw that they were limping..." (thinking she's just going to pass out now)

Lavinet: I think she'd be very noble and dignified and graceful in near-death, like she'd arrange herself very beautifully and would be lying there in some infirmary bed with her hair spread out across the pillow as so-and-so clutches her hand and weeps and she murmurs to them to not to worry and tells them "her last words" in a delivery and meaningfulness straight from a dramatic novel

Halek: I think the first time he'd say something so flippant and stupid, like "Holy shit, getting shot is such a pain" -> 😵 (passes out) and if he had the luck of waking up again he'd be like "oh my god those could have been my last words" and he'd take it more seriously the next time and try to think of something more meaningful beforehand lol

My complicated feels towards beefleaf and he xuan, in particular

You know...beefleaf is that one ship...that ONE SHIP. The one which if you think about them more than 10 seconds, all your feelings become too intense to handle. I can't think of these characters objectively. I can't think of them rationally. I love this ship. I hate this ship. I feel everything about them. My mind is already melting while writing this.

The first time I read TGCF, the Black Water arc terrified me to the bones. The description with which Ming Yi's true identity was revealed, it was no less than a horror story for me. I had goosebumps. I felt the silence around me turn oppressive. When the arc concluded with SWD dead, and no further explanation of what HX did to SQX, it devastated me to no end. The thing is...I fucking love SQX. I love him so so so much, I can't explain it. I cared about this character as much as I cared about xie lian himself, and dare I say, EVEN MORE. When everything about SQX backstory was revealed, my love for this character was already great enough that even if it would have been unfair to not have him lose his godhood and powers, I'd have been ok with it. Or atleast...I'd have wanted him to survive. Instead, everything pointed towards their doom. I couldn't think of an ending that would not end in tragedy for SQX. The narrative and the nature of justice demanded that he be punished. But I still wanted them to be safe. In the end of that arc...there was no certain answers to SQX's whereabouts. And I...I started resenting HX. Just straight up started hating them. I wanted him to suffer so much even though, objectively, he isn't an evil character. In fact, he is the wronged protagonist of that arc. The "hero" of a revenge saga. I really, really should not hate him. Even if he was bad, I have never had issues liking or even loving evil characters. For example, shen jiu from SVSSS is one of my blorbos. I fucking LOVE that character, and he is an objectively bad person who abused children. So, why tf did I hate HX so much?? At that time, even I didn't understand. And tbh I didn't even want to understand. I was happy hating him. He is one of the most interesting tgcf characters, and I didn't want to understand his characterization. I just wanted to hate him. And then...I find out that, SQX is alive. HX spared him. HX left him in the city. SQX was alive. My baby was alive, and as well as one could be in his situation. Yes, he is physically crippled and psychologically scarred for life. But the light within him is still alive. He is no longer the wind master but his brightness is still just as infectious. She spreads smiles when she was a god. He still spreads smiles even when he is the beggar ol'feng. Reading his story somehow...healed me. No matter what state he is in, he is still SQX!! Still the same animated, bright person who spreads their warmth and happiness wherever they go. Unfortunately, I still disliked HX. It seemed like I couldn't "forgive" HX for what he did to SQX, even though, he didn't actually directly hurt him. At least not physically. HX kinda saved him when he was getting strangled by SWD. All the emotional and psychological torture SQX went through was kinda indirect, it happened because he was SWD's brother. And yes, SQX was not directly guilty of what happened with HX but he was still the one for whom SWD did all the heinous things to HX. Even in the text, clearly, despite everything, HX as Ming Yi, did give SQX opportunities to choose the right side but every time, he still chose to side with SWD. And....oh gods...there is so much happening. So much pain and unfairness and tragedy and rage. There was never going to be a happy ending. I could not see a happy ending. Yet, there he is, SQX The Beggar, still making friends, spreading his radiance even when covered in rags and dirt. And I still...hated HX. I still don't like him. If you ask me who I hate in TGCF, my mind would first and foremost conjure up the name HX even though I know that I really shouldn't hate him. But I still do...why?? Because. It's not that I actually hate HX. It's just that I love SQX as a character too much. And even though I know HX still cares for SQX, it's still not enough. Not enough.

TBH I think SQX has already forgiven HX (idk if forgive is the right word coz...SWD did deserve whatever happened to him). SQX has moved on and is living to the fullest in his mortal life. He would probably die a content man too. Surrounded by people (like his beggar friends, and xie lian) who love him and care for him. What about HX? I... don't really know what to think of him in this case. Sometimes I think he will silently mourn for SQX forever, existing passively without cause. Sometimes I feel like history will repeat and he will go mad like he did the first time, except, this time...the one who caused harm to his most beloved is himself. There is no third party to blame here. HX can only self-destruct in that case. I don't know which ending is worse. What I am trying to say is...I really, really shouldn't hate HX because in the end...HX is the one who will end in tragedy. Be it a passive tragedy or an active one.

HX deserves more sympathy than most other characters in the novel. I think about this character deeply. I think about his relationship with SQX. He still melts my mind. He has suffered so much. He will suffer forever until he ceases to exist. And I still resent him for what he did to SQX. It's what I find fascinating and devastating about beefleaf. My love for SQX, my understanding for HX's actions, and my unshakeable dislike towards HX, I feel like thinking about beefleaf has made me understand myself better in a way. Sounds corny af but that's how I feel.

Here I am...swirling in so many feels for these two fictional characters. I want SQX to be happy. I want SQX and HX to end up together. No, SQX deserves so much better. HX is suffering, and he will suffer until the end imo. Good. No, he deserves happiness too. But he hurt SQX so badly. But not intentionally and SQX is still alive and happy and HX spared SQX despite being the cause of his suffering. No, there is too much between them to work it all out. But...they love each other. Despite of all that...

The wind master no more, still lives freely among lowly ones. The black water calamity demon can only watch the one person he cares about from a distance. So much left unsaid and unheard and yet what can one really say more and what is left to be heard?

I think Bradley is officially my blorbo, my little baby, my sweetheart, my muse, my life, my love. Even if he’s said and done some things that hurt the people he loves it’s just because he’s known so much loss and grief in his life and he doesn’t know how to be helped or deal with people sticking around when things get tough. And his flying is a reflection of that because his dad burned in early and he doesn’t want to suffer the same fate, even though he’s literally one of the best pilots in the navy and just needs the push to fly with that kind of confidence. Not to mention the loss of his parents at a young age has him convinced that his family is cursed to never have lasting love and that he’ll wind up suffering the same fate as his mom or dad or die completely alone. He’s been through so much that I just wanna wrap him up in a big fluffy blanket and snuggle with him and tell him everything is going to be okay. I want to hold his hand and cuddle him and whisper sweet nothings into his ear and tell him I love him and will never leave him. I want to soothingly run my fingers through his hair and give him forehead kisses and little boops on the nose with my finger. And maybe tell him he’s pretty, and maybe make out with him, and maybe touch his you-know-what.

This is Jake btw

For your "secret of Primacy" Au! I'm wondering how exactly Megatron would visually and verbally react to fighting Optimus after learning the truth about him and to learning that Orion aka one of Megatron's oldest friend has been dead. and how the team handles it after Optimus is back to interacting with them? I hope this counts/works as a request? I'm not used to sending in requests.

This totally works a request, no worries. All I need is an idea of what you are asking for :) I have waited SO LONG for someone to express an interest in this particular AU of mine since its one of my favs. Can you tell I like hurting my blorbo? That said, here you go!!! Suffering and some degree of comfort!!!

Previous part here.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙

Megatron was made aware of Optimus's nature by accident. For several weeks all he knew through Soundwave was that for whatever reason, the Autobots were suddenly treating their Prime far differently than they usually did. They were protective, taking hits for him more often, even dragging him around and very rarely allowing him onto a battlefield with them. His first instinct was of course to assume that his greatest foe had been injured or something of the like. Optimus's medic was notorious for getting anyone and everyone to obey when health was involved.

But that did not seem right, not when Megatron observed the Prime from a distance through Laserbeak.

On the rare event that he was out and about, Optimus stuck to Ratchet like glue more often than not. The Prime walked with confidence and then shrank in on himself rather sporadically. It almost seemed like he couldn't determine if he felt powerful or not. There were also several occasions where he was reported simply... wandering. Ratchet was there with him, but he seemed more like a tired guardian than anything else as Optimus meandered around different locations with engraving tools of all things. It was downright baffling to watch the Prime, leader of the Autobots, wander through forests with his medic before plopping down to engrave. It was strange enough to not even have Megatron bother to try and make a plan around the event. It had to be a trap. There was no way his old foe was casually enjoying nature and drawing as if he were a sparkling fresh out of the Well. At least that was what Megatron assumed until he finally felt like getting some sort of answer.

He had not planned it, but when he arrived to oversee the extraction of energon from a new mine, the Prime and his team were quick to arrive on scene. Immediately Megatron became acutely aware of the fact that the Autobots formation was off. Usually Optimus took to lead, serving as their heavy hitter and primary shield. Now though he was held back, hidden as much as a frame of his size could be, behind a wall of his fellow soldiers. The Prime never allowed his soldiers to guard him in such a manner, and it seemed he was thoroughly uncomfortable with it. He still readied himself for battle, but every time he attempted to step forward and reclaim his normal position, the scout was quick to hold him back. A sparkling protecting his Sire was not unheard of, but treating Optimus Prime of all mecha like a rookie? It confused Megatron, but it also gave him something to work with, a sore spot to prod at.

With his Vehicons quickly forcing the Autobots to space out a degree, Megatron flew into action, charging at his foe with every intention to use this seeming weakness to his advantage. If the Prime was injured, then all the better. He could eliminate him or injure him further. And if it were Optimus's mental state causing the issue, then Megatron was well equipped to make his life infinitely worse. However when his blade met Optimus's, there was something different in the Prime's optics. A strange emotion that Megatron had never witnessed before. Whatever was going on with Optimus made him falter, and that eventually gave Megatron the chance to knock him to the ground, ready to deal the killing blow.

He had no intent to actually bring down the blade, not when Optimus's mask retracted and fearful youthful optics gazed up at him. But of course even before he could call a retreat, Ratchet was on him in a nanoklik. The medic shoved him as much as a mech of smaller stature could and proceeded to stand above Optimus, his welder out and flaring. His field flew wide, filled with parental protectiveness of all things as he all but demanded Optimus flee.

Ratchet: GET OUT OF HERE!

Optimus: Ratchet-

Ratchet: MOVE IT!

Optimus: I cannot just leave you here-!

Arcee, moving to grab him: Sir, come on!

Bulkhead: We'll cover you! Get back to base!

Optimus: I will NOT leave you here to fight alone!

Ratchet: Take Bumblebee with you! I will not see sparklings die on my watch!

The medic seemed to immediately regret his words even as Optimus got up and moved, the scout tailing behind him. They vanished into their groundbridge and Megatron took to the skies, too baffled to care much for trying to slaughter the remaining Autobots. By the time they left, Megatron finally had the words click.

'Sparklings'

Ratchet used the designated glyph indicating that there were more than one. Considering Optimus and Bumblebee were the ones to flee, only half of the equation made sense. To imply that Optimus was a sparkling- it was an impossibility. Megatron knew Optimus long before he was Prime. There was no way he was secretly younger than at least a million vorns. And yet, the more he saw and the more he heard, the more suspicious he became. Megatron could not help but have Laserbeak follow Optimus on his outings, getting close enough to listen and hear what was being said. Was it a risk? Yes. But was it worth it? Megatron liked to think so when he finally caught enough information to leave him reeling.

It started off innocent, with Ratchet and Optimus in a field looking up at the stars. It was almost disgusting if not for the awe filled look on Optimus's face that did not fit his chiseled structure. But as time passed, the discussion was so strange and reality rocking that Megatron could hardly believe it.

Optimus: My Sire was named after some of these stars?

Ratchet: Yes. From what I gathered, Alpha Trion was rather fond of constellations and found Orion trying to eat some of his star maps of the ones from this sector of the galaxy.

Optimus: And that gave him his designation?

Ratchet: In part. There were other factors, but he did gain part of his designation from that incident.

Optimus: And how did you gain yours?

Ratchet: I threw the tool I am named after at one of my fellows as a newspark. The name stuck.

Optimus: What do you think my Sire would have called me if... if he were here to see me?

Ratchet: ...

Ratchet: I do not know. I was never very well tuned into Orion's mind. However, you two share a fondness for knowledge. I think he might have given you a name derived from his own.

Optimus: That is... somewhat comforting.

The command deck was totally silent on the Nemesis as Laserbeak's audio transferred back. Megatron replayed the clip over and over again, not fully believing that what was said truly occurred. Laserbeak had no been spotted, that much was certain. That meant that there was no way the Prime was acting to lay out some elaborate trap. What was being said had to be genuine, or at least believed to be genuine by one or both of the mecha involved. It was too outlandish to be real, but then again, the facts told Megatron all he needed to know.

Megatron spent the next few weeks embroiled in never ending questioning, so much so that he largely forgot to leave the Nemesis as he tried to determine if it was some elaborate scheme or not. But in the end, he and Soundwave agreed. They needed truth. He required answers from the source.

As such, Megatron waited until Optimus went on one of his wanderings, specifically the odd ones where he meandered alone. They were rare, but soon enough, Megatron took to the skies with the intent to meet his foe and figure out exactly what was going on. He couldn't have arrived at a better time when he landed and found Optimus weeping in the grass on an open field, too wrapped up in whatever emotions he was dealing with to even notice Megatron's arrival. A part of him wanted to blast the Prime then and there, but the EM field flowing toward him told of loss, grief, and the longing of a sparkling. It was too strange to not inspect.

Megatron: Prime, what in the pits are you doing?

Optimus: Megatron-!

Megatron: Peace Optimus. I mean you no harm this cycle... I merely want answers.

Optimus, wary and ready to flee: I will give you nothing that could harm my Autobots.

Megatron: I only want to know who you are.

Optimus: Who I am?

Megatron: That's right. I heard your recent conversations with your medic. You referred to yourself as though you were two beings, calling Orion Pax your 'Sire'. Why?

Optimus: I...

Megatron: Well?

Optimus: ...Did you really think the Council would ever allow a pawn they cannot control to roam freely? Orion was pure, perfect to lead. He was too good. And so they made me.

Megatron: So you are Orion's sparkling?

Optimus: In a sense. The Matrix takes those offered and tears them apart to forge a Prime. I am the product of Orion's offering. His sparkling in all but name.

Megatron: Then all this time-

Optimus: You fought a Prime. My Autobots treat me like a sparkling now that they know my origin. It is strange and I am not fond of being seen as weak, not when I have led my mecha to war since my creation.

Megatron: ...

Optimus: Orion Pax is dead, and I am his replacement. I have led our kind to war without thinking too deeply on it because it was what was required of me. Is that the answer you sought?

Megatron: I did not expect you to tell me everything.

Optimus: I have not told you everything. Only that which is important. But... I felt you should know. My Sire was once someone dear to you after all.

Shaken, Megatron could only stare in shock at the mech who he now knew to be a stranger. He could sense no lies in the Prime's words, nor was there any reason to lie. Optimus spoke the truth, and that hurt more than Megatron thought it would. He suspected it, but now he knew. Orion Pax was dead, and he would never be returning. Removing the Matrix would do nothing. Killing 'Optimus Prime' would do nothing. Orion was gone, and with him, any real connection to the mech sitting in the grass beside Megatron.

His spark panged with sorrow, but amidst it, a desire bloomed. Optimus was all that remained of Orion, and with the reveal of his nature, he revealed a weakness. He wanted some sort of parental care, that much was clear. If Megatron could offer that, he would not only secure an important ally, but also keep Orion's legacy safe. It was merely a bonus that his morals were indulged by caring for a sparkling as well.

A grin spread on his face as a plan formed, and within a klik, he extended a servo with an offer.

"Come back to the Nemesis with me. No harm will come to you. And there, we can talk. I will tell you of Orion if you in turn tell me more of our origin,"

Some posts talking about Sirius and Remus:

Remus was a flawed character. He was soooo grateful to dumbledore, and never dared to bother anyone ever with his own problems, and deeply loved his friends even after they treated him like trash, poor and disabled, and that's why we love him!

Sirius was an asshole who never grew past his teens and caused the death of everyone, and tried to use his friend as amusement and a murder weapon, while also abusing his house elf

Yes these are comparable and fair in my mind

Yeah, my least favorite Sirius take is that he's reckless and irresponsible. It's brought up in canon by Molly and Hermione (Hermione even uses it to try to justify his death!), but the most heartbreaking one for me (and probably why this fanon exists, tbh) is where Harry thinks he's as reckless a godfather to Teddy as Sirius was to him. And we all KNOW Sirius wasn't reckless and irresponsible, but of course that's how Harry sees it, because he's grieving and hurt that Sirius left him.

Another Sirius take I hate is that he never matured beyond 21, and Remus is SO mature and wise compared to him. That is not supported at all by canon. Who wrote to Harry diligently throughout GOF and gave him advice? Who told him NOT to do reckless things like going into the Forest? Who lived in a cave and ate rats just to be near Harry? Who had the wisest advice and insight re: Karkaroff and Snape and Dumbledore and Fudge and Crouch?

Sirius had to grow up real fucking fast as a teenager living in an abusive household, and then again as a young adult fighting a war. Being stuck in wizard torture prison for 12 years does NOT mean that his maturity got stunted, omg. That's just a lie the Remus apologists like to perpetuate bc it makes their poor innocent long-suffering blorbo look better by comparison.

May I request angst headcanons for all six blorbos? Please I am sick and in desperate need for sadness to feel better lol (it’s ok if you can’t tho!)

YESSSSS I GET TO ANGST THEMMMMMM :)

New York, Louisiana, Texas, Gov, Massachusetts, and New Jersey? I apologize in advance. (I do not feel bad at all lmao)

New York:

He will 100% cry or at least struggle not to cry if someone makes fun of the fact he can’t walk right.

Hella insecure about the fact that it’s really difficult for him to be able to gain weight. It doesn’t help that he was bullied about it when he went to school.

NY actually did very well in school and was a bright smart student, but his classmates and teachers were absolute ASSHOLES to him.

Him and sleep are the type of enemies that if one was on fire and the other had a glass of water, the one with the water would drink it. So- NY is tired ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. But if he tries to sleep, he can’t. And if he does manage to fall asleep, he just wakes up an hour later whether it just be out of nowhere or he has a nightmare.

Louisiana:

When France killed Loui’s mother, Loui’s mom actually put a curse on France that would give him terrible and vivid nightmares, ones that were so vivid that the victim could feel the phantom pain even after they woke up. But ofc since Louisiana has a heart where he should have a brain, he felt bad and took the curse off of France and put it on himself. Which is one of the reasons that he can’t sleep now. And most of his nightmares are about France’s abuse and war so. Yeah. He feels it all.

So like- Loui is a very kind, very gentle, and very big-hearted person. And he wants nothing but the best for most people. Unfortunately, this has led to him being used and hurt and manipulated more times than anybody is comfortable with hearing. And it’s usually the people he loves most that end of hurting him.

He finds it hard to believe that everybody actually loves him and cares about him. He just- can’t believe it. Yeah, he’ll say he believes it, but he doesn’t. Not fully at least.

For my cryptid/animal stuff, I picture Loui to be some blend of either a wolf and gator, or a wolf and Pelican. But he has the wolf ears and tail. They’re usually out, but they’re just hidden under his hat and in his shirt. Why does he keep them hidden? Well- his ears and tails are VERY sensitive to pain. And France use to take advantage of that by stepping on his tail and yanking on his ears and yelling constantly cuz he knew that it hurt Louisiana. I’m gonna skin France alive.

Texas:

When he gets way too damn tired to even want to exist, he’ll just completely give up. He’ll just lay there and cry. He won’t even try to fight someone coming to front, he’ll just let it happen. Someone needs to sit this poor boy down and help him talk about his issues please I’m begging-(no let him suffer <3)

The only time he ever opens up is if he’s drunk or if Austin is fronting. And when he comes back to front, he’ll completely ignore everyone and isolate himself.

I’m very very nice to him and I’ve given him: asthma, an iron deficiency, and hemophilia (so he bleeds REALLY easily). He absolutely REFUSES to take his medications and stuff and use his inhaler when he needs it. And all he does is work outside and lift and do stuff all day. Which he gets really dizzy and winded and hurt from. So cue someone finding him completely dazed and out of it leaning against a wall just so he can keep standing and he’s just trying to control his breathing and all of that.

He absolutely loves giving and receiving hugs and physical affection, but if ANY touch restrains and/or restricts his movement and ability to escape, someone is getting kicked, punched, bitten, slapped, or all the above.

Gov:

Oh Gov. Poor, poor, not-so-innocent Gov….. he needs a nap. Desperately. And a hug. Please. He needs it. So, so bad.

He has PA’s alcohol addiction, but instead it’s caffeine cuz he’s seen what alcohol does to people and fears becoming like PA.

He has TERRIBLE dissociation episodes that usually end with him just passing tf out.

Gov felt as though the Civil War was mostly his fault and pinned the blame on himself for some reason. He felt as though he had done something wrong that made half of his country wanted to leave.

Massachusetts:

Blames himself for almost everything that happened to his siblings. Even though literally NONE of it was his fault.

His biggest fears are failure, and hurting those he loves. He can’t stand the thought of it AT ALL. He can’t.

Often fears that he’s not “masculine enough” since England always told him that ever since he transitioned.

He tries not to use his magic as much after the Salem Witch Trials happened. Cuz he got beat and burned at the stake at least once or twice and would rather not relive that pain.

New Jersey:

Okay- tbh, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, and he’s kinda insecure about that cuz he was never as smart and creative as his brothers.

Will literally hold in his tics until he’s alone, and usually by that time, he’s incredibly uncomfortable and maybe even in a bit of pain.

For the cryptid/animal stuff: one of his horns is cracked and a little shorter than the other because England broke one of them. Asshole.

His biggest fears are: the death of his loved ones and hurting his loved ones (oh look he has something in common with Ma-*gets choked*)

I get what you're saying but Dracula attacked Mina to hurt Jonathan, it's Jonathan he was after.

I know Jon is a fan favorite but please, I am begging at this point, care about the other characters. For pete's sake. Every post I make about Dracula these days results in somebody coming at me and going "WHAT ABOUT JONATHAN?!" and it's starting to get old. I want to talk about my AU, and my thoughts on literature and these characters are part of that but some of you guys make it a real chore because you can't put down your blorbo for five seconds. Also no, I don't think Dracula biting Mina was exclusively about Jonathan and I certainly don't write it that way myself. Dracula bit Mina because the group was plotting against him. They were coming after him for what happened with Lucy. He was also drawn to Mina individually, similar to how he targeted Lucy, because targeting women is what he does. It wasn't just about Jonathan, he had beef with ALL of them by that point.

Also I really dislike making Mina's suffering about Jonathan. Even if it could be argued that Jonathan was the reason Mina is still the one who got bitten. Y'all have got to stop making Mina's trauma about Jonathan and actually let it be hers. There's a trope called "women in refrigerators" that describes a phenomenon where female characters are brutalized or killed to create drama for the male characters and the way some people in this fandom engage with Mina feels like they're embracing that unironically. Even if Mina being attacked was ostensibly about Jonathan it shouldn't be and anyone who frames it as such should be criticized for doing so.

🐈‍⬛ 🌻 😇 👥️ 🎶 for the ask game <3

Thank you so much for the asks! <3 :D

🐈‍⬛ animal

My favourite animal is a cheetah! I'm just so impressed by their speed and how they run. If I had a mutant power, I'd want it to be super speed. So I want them to teach me there ways!

😇 blorbo

Right now, my The Wilds hyperfixation is so strong I can think of practically nothing else (oopsie). But yes! I love all the Wilds girls but Toni Shalifoe is my favourite <3. Honestly, she might have taken the crown of favourite character of all time at this point. Just gaaah. Such a softie underneath all that understandable anger. Cares so much for those she loves. I love her and all the layers of her character.

Before I watched the Wilds I got really into Legacies again (by finally watching s3 and s4). Absolutely obsessed with Lizzie Saltzman! Very relatable in some regards. Absolutely hilarious! Has so much pain and so many deep insecurities.

Alice Jones from Once Upon A Time, (my beloved) <3! A silly who has suffered too much!!

Chelsea Daniels from That's So Raven. She's so endearing to me. The silliest of sillies. Raven is a very close second, though.

Natalie Goodman from Next To Normal. Relatable in an ansty way.

Peter Simmonds from Bare: A Pop Opera. So relatable. A Cinnamon Roll <3.

Kate Dalton from We Are The Tigers. Sarcasm queen.

Vincent Lin From Adamandi. They may be a murderous blorbo. But they're my murderous blorbo.

Circe from Epic: The Musical. She's just so cool.

Draculaura from Monster High. Again, so cool and I love how much she loves her friends.

Chloe Sullivan from Smallville. Big influence on me growing up. Though I probably shouldn't have been watching Smallville at 9. She just cared so much about those she loved.

Simon Tudor from Jeopardy. His character development is everything <3.

Cloe From Bratz. The biggest drama queen ever and I love her for it.

Kurt Wagner from X-Men Evolution (and just x-men in general). He's such a silly guy.

Shalimar Fox from Mutant X. The most badass, protective queen to ever.

And that's all I can think of, but they're in no particular order. Except Toni. Toni gets the number 1 blorbo badge.

🌻 flower

I don't know much about flowers but I really like the look of Plumeria.

👥️ otp

So many! I shall limit myself to one per show.

Shoni!! (from The Wilds). I think they have made it to number 1 otp status!

Snowing from Once Upon A Time. But also shout out to Curious Archer!

Mizzie from Legacies! Still can't believe they got to be endgame!! I thought it was just gonna be hopes and dreams but the way I screamed my head off!! I love an unrequited love storyline but I love it even more when it then becomes requited. He thought the world of her and then she realised she felt the same about him too and it was beautiful and I cried (and screamed).

Natalie x Henry from Next To Normal. He's just so supportive of her and would do anything to make sure she's okay and that makes me want to cry into my cereal.

Peter x Jason from Bare: A Pop Opera. Everything hurts. But their chemistry was of the charts and they were so in love and I am in pain.

Cheer Wives from We Are The Tigers. They were sooooo bad for each other but needed each other? It was a mess but I was so very there for it.

Quincent from Adamandi. I am once again in so much pain. I can't get over how beautiful the lyrics they sang were when referencing each other.

Freffy from Skins. The way he cared for Effy D,:. He would haved moved mountains just to make her smile. My heart will forever be broken over what happened to Freddie. He deserved so much better.

Dracudeen. Just the whole of 'This is Not How Or Story Goes.' There was no hetrosexual explanation for that and Clawdeen nearly died to save her!

Chlark from Smallville. Next to Simon x Chrissie, they were one of my first otps. No one did friendship like them. But I always wanted it to be more. That whole unrequited thing that was never really given a chance to become requited.

Edited to add: Chlavis! I now one cannot have 2 otps that include the same character but I always go back and forth between which I like best. Chlavis' story was so intense and traumatic but at least it ended up being requited this time around! Extremely requited!

Simon x Chrissie. Tfw the two most terrible people you'd never wanted to be stranded in the wilderness with have the most beautiful, unrushed character development and learn to care for people other than themselves as they slowly fall in love, when there was merely the shallowest one-sided crush you ever did see there before. The way they became heroes <3. And the way Simon just didn't know how to be without Chrissie but persisted in trying to save her when chances were beyond slim. I miss them so much and need to rewatch <3.

Harlan x Cyrus. They had so much chemistry and genuinely had a connection and now we'll never know what happened to them. I wish we got to know them better. Darn you Amazon!

Cloe x Jade from Bratz. It was more of a case of all the unwritten fanfiction I had in my head for them as an 11 year old. But I only let it get as gay as Monster High 2 at the time, which is actually very incredibly gay, so I don't know who my brain was trying to fool.

Lance x Kitty from X-Men Evolution. They had a really interesting connection and were drawn to each other.

🎶 musical artist

I mostly listen to musical theatre songs but my favourite band has always been S Club 7. I'm not sure I have an overall favourite solo artist. Maybe James Morrison!

Thank you again for the asks! They were such a blast to answer!

TriMax Vol. 5, Part 1: Vash Time

MY FAVORITE VOLUME LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

This is going to be especially interesting to talk about because from what I’ve read this is the volume where I’ve seen the most variety in interpretations. I’ll go over what I think is happening and why. I’ll be splitting my volume 5 thoughts into two posts, because I have So Fucking Many. This first one is just focused on Vash, the second will cover everything else. Because Vash is my blorbo and I have many thoughts. I am normal about this man and this franchise.

LOST JULY

[ID: A crop of a page from TriMax Volume 5 chapter 3. Vash is unconscious, wearing a straight jacket of some kind and strapped down to a table. His right arm is extended and held in an unknown device, surrounded by syringes and wires. Conrad and Knives are looking down at him. End ID] I’ve seen some disagreement about whether or not this was just Knives taking some kind of measurement, or if it continued into full experimentation on an unconscious Vash. I don’t think it’s clear either way, though I’m inclined to think more was done to Vash than just measuring his gate. We never see Vash use his powers before July, so I’m left to believe Knives did something to him to open his gate or make it so Knives could manipulate it. It could also be that once Knives wanted to know how powerful Vash was first before forcing his powers. There is room for interpretation: Vash could not utilize his powers on his own, didn’t even know his body was capable of something like this before July. It’s likely Knives didn’t either.

It’s not clear to me if Knives wanted Vash to manifest and fire the Angel Arm, or if he only wanted to transform him enough to frighten Vash, remind him that he isn’t human. Across panels the transformation is inconsistent, sometimes the barrel has formed, a panel later we can see Vash’s hand again. It’s not clear to me if this is an error, or if Vash is actively fighting the transformation. I did read another post that suggested Vash fired the Angel Arm in a deliberate attempt to hurt Knives without thinking/knowing about the damage it would do to July. Which. Top tier suffering. Something something impulsive choice made during a highly stressful and emotional moment with devastating long-term consequences leading to hyper-vigilance and self-flagellation.

THE NATURE OF VASH’S POWERS

Outside of the Fifth Moon, this is the first time we get a good look at Vash’s powers. Sure he has faster reflexes, greater intelligence, and (.) than humans, but those are more passive. They’re just part of who he is and how he moves through the world.

The wings though? Oh, boy howdy. They first appear when Hoppered nearly kills him. We see here (and later) his powers rise up when his life in danger. This response appears to be autonomic, entirely outside of conscious control. In fact when we get the reveal of Turbo Trauma Chicken Mode, Vash’s eyes are blank. The lights are on but no one is home.

The next chapters he spends in this state, and it’s unclear how aware he is of his surroundings or what he’s doing. When he tries to manifest and fire the Angel Arm, Elendira stops him by impaling it (and Legato’s weird monster) with a nail. Then Vash’s iris becomes visible again, either because of the pain, or the realization that he’d almost used the Angel Arm again.

Then he grips his transformed arm with his left, and this happens:

THAT’S SOME GOOD FUCKING BODY HORROR

[ID: A page from TriMax volume 5 chapter 6. Vash is kneeling, drawn without any clothing details against a black background. His left arm, flash and blood and not his prosthetic, is gripping his right near his shoulder hard enough to make it bleed. His right arm is a mutated mass of crying eyes, screaming mouths, deformed arms and hands, and long fleshy tendrils. End ID]

Another one of my favorite pages because holy shit that’s gross and terrifying and exactly the kind of shit I’m here for.

I interpret this moment as taking place in Vash’s head/a mindspace shared with Knives. Vash looks naked, but he has his original left arm, no black hair (briefly), and his body is outlined like he’s wearing clothes. That plus the black background and the presence of Knives makes me think this is meant to be how Vash sees himself and his powers. This is what it feels like to be Vash, part of his body has become a grotesque horror beyond his control. It’s repulsive and horrifying.

Quick side note: we also see this effect briefly during the Lost July flashback:

[ID: A crop of a page from TriMax Volume 5 chapter 3. Two vertical panels. In the first we see an unknown surface pierced in two places by fingers with long, broken fingernails. The second panel shows the gaps widened, the surface tattered, revealing a dark mass of screaming mouths and crying eyes. End ID.]

For two panels we see similar masses tearing through something, a representation of his gate opening for the first time? Back then they’re also shown screaming and crying, even as the mass breaks through with long, broken fingernails. It seems to represent now just Vash’s power, but also his own terror and grief. In the present, in Vash’s mind, the mass of his arm is screaming and crying, mirroring Vash. When Knives speaks I get the impression this is a telepathic conversation happening in the present. It reads to me like Knives preying on Vash’s vulnerable state to try to win him to Knives’ cause. Vash confesses he doesn’t know if humanity can be “saved” or if his way of life is correct. (Love a character who expresses doubt about what appeared to be a firm belief!). What he does know is that the people of July, the ones he killed, were kind to him. Above all else that’s the impression he’s left with. They were kind to him, and he killed them.

He’s able to calm his powers, becomes conscious and mobile enough to try to protect Hoppered from Legato-controlled zombie Midvalley, until Elendira decisively ends the fight.

VASH AND THE DEAD

Here’s two moments I want to point out in the final chapter:

[ID: A crop of three panels from TriMax volume 5 chapter 6. In the first we see Vash reaching down with both hands towards Hopper’s limp hand. In the second we see Vash take Hoppered’s hand gently in both of his. In the final we see Vash’s face, with an unclear expression, looking down at his right hand holding Hoppered’s. End ID]

[ID: A crop of three panels from TriMax volume 5 chapter 6. In the first we see in the foreground two silhouettes of cross-shaped gravestones, one with a saxophone hanging on it. Behind them we see Vash bowing with his hands together. Wolfwood is behind him, holding up a small cross. In the second panel it’s a closeup of Wolfwood’s face, he’s wearing sunglasses and holding his cross. His speech bubbles say “Yer bowin’ with yer palms together? Wrong religion, pal. Look, those are crosses.” In the last panel we see Vash’s face, he’s looking to the side with a small smile on his face. His speech bubbles say “I can put more feeling into it this way. Is that so wrong?”. End ID]

We see Vash hold the hand of a dying/dead man, one who just wished him eternal suffering. Then we see that he’s buried both Hoppered and Midvalley, probably with Wolfwood’s help, and given them last rites. How often do we see a protagonist of an action series take the time to put his enemies’ dead to rest? Vash saw both Hoppered and Midvalley as people, even though he didn’t know them, even though they tried to kill him and hurt both innocent people and the ones Vash personally cares for. He took the time he could have spent helping the living to care for the dead.

It bothers me when people reduce Vash’s philosophy down to “no killing” exclusively, because this scene shows it’s about more than that! It’s about even seeing terrible people as human, ones who should be comforted as they die, who deserve burials and late rites. Yes not killing anyone is important, because death is final and robs a person of a future and a chance to change. It’s not the end of the conversation though.

I think this distinction is important, and is related to something I know I’ll want to talk about near the end of the manga.

CONCLUSION

I just. I have a lot of emotions about Vash the Stampede. Someone please get this man some space antidepressants and a hug.

5 Blorbos From BL That Will Make Me Protect Them At Any Cost

Ahhh, @elizabethsebestianhedgehog tagged me in this and I thought it was a super cute idea and I'm curious to see if I can limit it to ten.

Pharm from Until We Meet Again

This boy went through some seriously traumatic shit. His PTSD from his past life was so much worse for him than it was for Dean and watching him suffer nearly ripped my heart out. I cried for 17 episodes because of this boy and I will murder anyone who hurts him.

2. Uea from Bed Friend

So as a group, we're all gonna go just do away with Uea's mother, right? Because this boy has been through too much and most of it at her hands.

3. Babe from Pit Babe

He's being violated by two of the people he trusts most, someone just tried to kill him, and he's in love for the first time. Someone protect him. The defense squad lines up behind me.

4. Bai Zong Yi from Kiseki: Dear to Me

Bai Zong Yi fell in love, got rejected, finally got his man and then suffered a horrible beating by his lover's enemy. His lover nearly died and sadly suffered a brain injury causing amnesia (or so he thought) and he went to jail for his lover for a murder he didn't commit. He was attacked again in jail which left him with a permanent brain injury meaning he could no longer be a doctor. So when he got out he opened a bakery to make strawberry cakes and wait for his lover to remember him.

I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING. Also anyone else comes near him, they die.

5. Zouey from Playboyy

Zouey, my precious muffin. He is sweet and kind (so far the only one of his friends who's not been a dick to someone), he desperately misses Nant and he's got issues with sex. If something happens to him, I will kill everyone. EVERYONE.

These five immediately came to mind. I thought I'd have more, but at the moment, these are the ones I'd risk it all/do anything for in the name of protecting them.

Not gonna tag anyone, but if you want to do this, feel free. Tag me so I can see your list of blorbos and what you would do in their name, lol.

Wolffe Wagon Wednesday let's gooo - Wolffe and Dogma - not sure how they'd interact, maybe au where Dogma joined the pack instead?

Despite Everything It's Still You

Summary: They call him Dok. It's a diminutive for the etymology from which 'Dogma' was originally derived from. Despite his remaining reservations over his new posting, he's never been happier to hear that particular word cast his way. [Anon I think you got a little confused by the assignment, I was asking for people to pick one of my OC and a canon character so I could figure out interactions between them. But I will concede because I love Dogma as if he were my own blorbo, and because we could always use more Dogma content.]

---

In all honesty, Dogma doesn't expect to survive the looming shadows of Umbara. Correction, he doesn't expect to live in the aftermath of it. He had, after all, made sure to seal his own fate when he'd picked up that blaster and taken aim. Hells, he'd already been in binders. What was one more step towards the noose?

No, Dogma hadn't at all expected to live much longer, after Krell had been felled by his treacherous blood-soaked hands. The weight of his many regret and the crushing guilt making 8 cutting words echo fresh in his mind.

'I hope you can live with yourself Dogma.'

Words he'd ultimately had a response for in the end.

'I don't have to anymore.'

Except he did. Because, as extremely confusing as it may be to him (considering what he knew of the GAR and it's rather unforgiving policies), Dogma was very much still alive. Even though he didn't want to think he was supposed to...

His "transfer" to the 104th is a blur. Not because it was particularly quick or stealthy, but because he's more than a little sure he spent the entirety of it in a shell-shocked state. Dead to the world, staring at infinity, as his brain tried to process and compartmentalize the entirety of his world coming undone. The horrors he'd faced. The horrors he'd helped to unwittingly orchestrate.

One minute he's in the brig, the next he's standing in front of Commander Wolffe. In the older clone's right hand a datapad full of instructions that he would follow to a T, and the left one resting easily on Dogma's own shaking shoulder.

He'd been crying then. Disgracing himself further in front of his superior officer. The thought made him a little sick with shame to this very day. But maybe not as much as it used to...

The first days as a member of the 104th are also a blur. Not because he's back to disassociating, but because there's just a lot to take in. Many things he has to learn and acclimate to.

It goes like this:

He is CT-7023, otherwise referred to as Dokeî (pronounced like 'okie dokey smokey', according to a grinning Comet). He's a new transfer that came in with the last shipment of Shinies, to replace some unfortunate casualties the Wolfpack had recently suffered. He is the 104th's reserve medic in training, which means he will be assigned medbay work on-board of one of the fleet's venators rather than field work. He will never again see a battlefield or flinch in horror at the sound of a lightsaber, unless circumstances give the 104th no other choice but to throw him to the lion's den. He is everyone's little brother, the newest pup the join the pack, and he is loved. When they tell him all this, they mean it too.

They call him Dok. It's a diminutive for the etymology from which 'Dogma' was originally derived from. Despite his remaining reservations over his new posting, he's never been happier to hear that particular word cast his way...

It's not thrown at him the same way Dogma was. Like it tasted filthy in the mouths who spat it out, or as if it were a most profane curse. A slur of sorts. One he'd done his best to turn into something positive with the encouragement of his only batcher and their original squad. Something he had clearly failed at with his first battalion...

When they call him Dok or Dok'ika, it doesn't hurt the same way it did when the 501st addressed him. When he'd failed to understand something apparently basic, or made his presence undesirable due to the many quirks that made him apparently faulty. His too obtuse opinions that often ended with clashes of ideals. His need to share unwanted information that he'd simply found intriguing. His nitpicky tastes and precise manner in which he did things so that his brain could work right.

None of these bothered his new battalion in the way they did his old one. And it was still a shock to him that he could just be without being too little or too much.

When Bully and Jawbreaker (and oh, wasn't it a comfort to be reunited with them? To have someone that understood his odd behavior and what happened back there on that dark hellscape?) called him Dok, it made his heart flutter with delight. Like he was a cadet again and his ori'vode had gotten him some treats that they knew he'd be able to more easily stomach than the early meal gruel. The feeling of being back home, despite never having really had a home before.

And when commander Wolffe did it, he couldn't help but let himself ease into an actual smile even as he stood at parade rest. None of his 501st superior officers had ever looked at him before and really seen him in the way Wolffe did. They all quickly grew bored of his strict demeanor and sharp adherence to protocol. Sometimes rolled his eyes at him as if he couldn't see the disdain they had for his need for that familiar stability.

If anything, he seemed to understand.

The Wolfpack understood. They all did. And that's all he'd ever really wanted, really. And in being given that understanding, that equal footing, he's never felt so much like himself than he did now. Can finally look in the mirror and see who he was, currently is, and who he will soon be. For once the future really seems like a promise, rather than just a distant childish dream.

"Keep at it kid." his ori'vod smiles from ear to ear, both cybernetic and organic eye twinkling with pride. "We'll make a proper wolf of you yet."

And Dogma believes him.

Omg hiii I looove oversharing about my blorbos 😋

Anyway Simeon is my favorite guy ever and has been since the beginning I'm completely obsessed with him bc he's literally perfect tell my WHY on gods green earth he's always getting swept under the rug. Why does this man never get any attention and when he does why is he mischaracterized. He's got it all. He's tall and handsome in kind of an ethereal effeminate way, he's sweet and kind but not a pushover, he's one of the most tragic characters in the game, he's the perfect muse for a religious trauma arc, a corruption arc, a "the calm collected one who's always having a good time finally snaps and goes apeshit" arc, I mean come on. Come on. Every time I remember that his main sin is wrath despite him being SO chill and gentle on the outside I want to giggle a little bit. My beautiful princess with identity issues and slutty waist I'm so sorry everyone ignores you

Solomon though. I don't remember how I felt about him at first (other than lots of gender envy) but he wasn't a favorite until I came back to the fandom after being absent for ages. Like damn this man is everything. He's so complicated /pos that I cant even articulate why I love him so much but he's so well written (maybe one of the only ones who are written halfway decently) and SO tragic. The way he's so desperately in love with the mc and is forced to watch them go for literally anyone else but would still do anything for them and ask for nothing but a little bit of loyalty in return is scrumptious. Also the way immortality just kinda fucks you up after a while when you're only human. I've been very tempted to put him in a poly ship with my mc and Simeon bc he deserves it but for now he just has to watch from afar as the man he loves endlessly makes out with his best friend that he also kinda sorta has a little crush on bc making the gays suffer brings me copious amounts of joy. He's also the "always totally calm and collected no matter what but actually has really strong feelings that he works to keep in check" type like Simeon and I love that for him. One of the fics I'm reading has him once become so panicked over the MC's wellbeing that he completely loses his composure. Yelling, trembling, the whole nine yards and it was fucking glorious, I love seeing characters like him break.

Also I have to talk a little about Lucifer. He's not generally a favorite but I just think it's funny how I went from hating his guts bc I thought he was an asshole to to liking him a lot bc I have a weak spot for big brother characters. He loves his family so so so much and just has trouble showing it properly!! He's still an asshole and an uptight prick but I like that about him now. My mc had the same development with him as I did, he went from "I hate this motherfucker I wanna kill him also he kinda scares me" to "this is my big brother we are holding hands :)" in the span of like a year and a half and it's really funny. Lucifer thought he was finally getting a sensible housemate and friend but ended up getting another insufferable, headache indicung little brother figure instead. Also I kinda have a non canon ship between him and my MC's father bc the idea is SO funny but also a little cute bc they compliment each other real well. My mc would become homophobic so fast if he found out and thinking about it is incredibly entertaining

thank u for oversharing teehee <333

the side characters are sooo fun and interesting i wish so badly that theyd get to be ever so slightly less on the side :,D

the dynamic between your mc and simeon and solomon PAIN UGH i love it.. <333 my heart hurts for solo but the yearning.... MMM

and absolutely felt about lucifer, i wish i could hate him and leave it at that but he makes it so hard. i have such a complicated relationship with this man but i cant bring myself to genuinely hate him hahaha