I always see people who have never been antis, talking about/questioning how some antis even ARE antis when you look at their taste in media - ie the ever famous joke of "Hannigram is #problematique" "but it's a show where he eats people" or whatever.

I thought I'd weigh in as someone who could, hypothetically, be called an ex-anti (which, thankfully, nothing ever really came out of it - it was just very 2014 keyboardwarrior-esque behavior of me being a chronically online young adult who would share posts in a group chat making fun of certain shippers, or reblog posts about how 50shades is The Most Problematic Media Ever to exist -- basically I was an anti with anti-lines of thoughts, but i never, like, a ran a Shipping Discourse Blog or whatever)

For me, personally, it was a few different things. I can now see how it's incredibly hypocritical that teenaged me shipped Light/L, while still thinking that Dramione was Bad And Abusive. It ultimately boiled down to a) being pretentious, and b) just not understanding media or what proshippers REALLY believed, with a side of c) not realizing that nuance exists. like i was pretty late to join tumblr, I think I immigrated here during PEAK "yourfaveisproblematic" era which definitely did have an impact on my opinions and my tastes.

to elaborate, a.) being pretentious. i mean this one just kinda goes without saying. "I engage in media in a way more intellectual way than you do, don't you know that? You're a filthy and disgusting person who writes Snape/Hermione because you're an actually disgusting pedophile IRL who would probably date your own student that you're abusing if you could. Meanwhile, I'm a very smart, good, and pure person. When I read Uncle Vernon/Harry, I'm doing it in a G-d honoring whump way that clearly condemns abuse, incest, and rape. Unlike YOU who only writes harmful stuff as a way to get people off :/"

(as an aside, i think this line of thinking will ALWAYS be present in fandom and popculture in some way, sadly. ie the recent trend of people hating on booktok bc the books are 'trashy' and how these porn addicts should read real classic literature instead.)

as for b.), not understanding media - i cannot emphasize enough that i was GENUINELY stupid and disconnected enough to think that proshippers REALLY WERE pro-All Of The Degenerate Dead Doves That They Wrote.

why did i feel this way? why did i understand that Lolita clearly isnt pro-pedophilia, but for some reason i thought that someone shipping weecest was? well, first of all, i think that fanfiction is (generally) seen as Less Serious than classic literature, and fandom is a fun place, so i guess i somehow thought that every fanfic/fanartist who wrote Problematic Things, especially Problematic Things that they portrayed as Sexy, really DID enjoy the thought of that Actually Happening To Real People.

and i think THIS is the bulk of why antis ARE antis. i'm not calling them all stupid - i do think BEING an anti is stupid, but at the same time, there are people who are truly smart and good-intended people who just have some really off color opinions about, like, homestuck ships or whatever. Lawlight is okay because notebooks that kill people don't exist so it's IMPOSSIBLE for the Harmful Aspects of Light/L to be romanticized! but schoolyard prejudiced bullies DO exist and are a REAL problem so Drarry is BAD (*truly completely unaware of the fact that there's 'realistic' aspects of the Light/L dynamic and 'unrealistic' aspects of Drarry - such as, for example, Hogwarts arguably being even MORE of a fantasy setting than DN is.*) I know that media literacy is the hot buzzword of the year to throw around in 2024, but, like, i really did not have media literacy.

as for c.), not realizing nuance exists - ok "nuance" might not be the best word here, but i dont know how else to describe it. like, each time ive typed the word "problematic" out in this ask, i've done so in a very tongue in cheek/ironic/retroactive way, but, like, those posts about how Everything Is Problematic, Including Your Fave ARE true. and i didn't like the fact that my favorite media or favorite person might've Made A Mistake! i need to Talk About Its Issues Because I'm So Betrayed That My Dear Sweet Comfort Media Would Do This To Me. I Need To Prove I Clearly Condemn It.

like, i legit morally could not justify reblogging a twilight post without adding in the tags '#this is my guilty pleasure it sucks that the books were so racist though' or whatever. Most people were lucky enough to avoid that line of thinking, but there was an actual group of people who felt a genuine need to virtue signal all the time, partly bc, hey, they WERE passionate about talking abt #issues in media, but also bc of a subconscious fear of If You Reblog A Singular Piece Of Hetalia Fanart, You're Literally A Nazi And Will Get A Callout Post Written About You.

and during all of this i was at the tail end of my high school experience (yes i know im younger than most of your audience, ha). i was going through A Lot emotionally, going through a lot of life changes, and lived in a very . . . interesting household/place where i couldn't do ACTUAL good in the world that i was passionate about. so to make up for the fact that i was genuinely in no place to do legit activism, clearly i had to save the gay community by arguing about johnlock queerbaiting or whatever.

^ and honestly i do think that is the position of most antis. theyre isolated and cant seem to do Enough in the Real Scary World so they have to resort to talking about how bad of a person someone is for "shipping abuse", bc theyre not in a situation where they could, for example, ACTUALLY fight the good fight to end abuse or raise awareness for it.

There was way more to it and way more that I could say, if I wanted to, but this post is long enough as it is and probably doesn't make much sense.

I feel bad for antis, honestly, or at least the ones who are antis in the way I used to be.

--

Oh yes, passionate young fools who think they can at least fix the internet if not their lives make up most of the cannon fodder. Some of the ringleaders are just mini dictators and wannabe cult leaders, but most anti-leaning types are just traumatized or clueless, even a lot of the ones who do serious damage and don't just mock shit in private with their friends.

Not sure how knowledgeable you are on this but it's always baffled me how some queer people are against the term Achilliean because "Achilles was a pedophile" but like.... wasn't Sappho also a groomer? Weren't the people she wrote about in her poems her students, who were teenaged girls and possibly even younger?

I know it's theorized her poems were to her students, although idk how well that's accepted by current scholars (I think originally it was theorized that they were written to her students as a way of avoiding the homoeroticism, actually, but it's been a minute since I read about Sappho).

Regardless, it's a silly fucking argument. Like there's multiple different things I can say (Achilles very likely was never a real person, I think saying he was a pedophile is probably a reductive way of talking about pederatry within Greek culture, by this logic we should stop saying "Platonic" because Plato was a fucking douchebag, we need to learn to be okay with Greek mythology being Problematique or I'm gonna lose my mind, "Achillean" as a term for gay male love has been around for centuries) but above all else these criticisms are not made in good faith. They hate the term for another reason (in this case, for political lesbianism reasons and also generally hating on anything gay transmascs do literally ever) and then reverse engineer a valid-sounding reason to hate it.

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Fandom Problem #4374:

It's okay, you can dislike a trope. You don't need to make shit up about how problematique TM it is. (This is about someone who says the love at first sight trope is misogynistic. Because as everyone knows, a trope used mainly in romance novels overwhelmingly written by and for women is misogynistic.)

Zutara arguments be like

Dadko is canon therefore Momtara should be too(Zuko being the Team Dad of the Gaang was a sign of character development by healing his inner child and breaking the cycle of abuse while Mom Friend Katara is a compulsive trauma induced trait she's always talking about hating and wanting to be just a kid)

Aang is too immature for Katara so Zuko is better fit for her(See above)

Katara can only like brown guys(Jet and Haru)as a stepping stone to Zuko or it's #problematique and not real interracial rep

They used to hate eachother so it's destiny

Red x blue and sun x moon(Symbolism with zero in-universe romantic connecations and afaik not common irl ones either)

Zuko is a boy and Katara is a girl=Opposites attract because complimentary

"Ugh i wish i didn't try to get oppressed for saying Zuko is STRAIGHT,i hate you STUPID GAYS"

Mai is a girl with the same personality as Zuko and this means she's abusive because REAL girls don't bite back or have non-quirky emotions

"Aang sexually assaulted Katara by kissing her and her and Zuko have repressed sexual feelings for eachother-No i am not a pedophile for refusing to not associate children with sex,why are you such an abuse apologist omg!!!"

Katara was a teenage anarchist with a gnc bf who was previously her first ever and also best friend instead of Zuko's rebellious gf he taught to truly understand him and to not judge a person just by their actions and beliefs but rather how much they fit into beauty standards and how hard their childhood was so the entire Atla crew are self-inserters who hate women

Calling Korrasami forced pandering bs and Asami a badly written character who's inherently colorist and overhyped in the fandom

Completely ignoring Ty Luko both as the most supported non-canon Zuko ship in-text and as a fandom rarepair so they can say every Zutara anti just has internalized misogyny while also being revolted by Aang's femininity and multigender/transfem egg hcs for him and even Zuko ironically enough despite claiming to love them for being 'a female fantasy'

"I'm [insert non native american/indigenous type of poc here] and i had crush on Zuko SO WE WERE ALL ROBBED!WHY DOES EVERYBODY CALL ME A COLONIZER APOLOGIST,ALL I SAID WAS KAT IS A CUTER NAME THAN KATARA!"

Astarion fans really seem to want their cake and eat it too. He's a ~bad boy~ and they're in to that right up until he shows genuine malice and then he's a misunderstood trauma victim who isn't accountable for his actions. Of course they can't just like the character flaws and all because that might be problematique

God yeah, this is basically the cognitive dissonance of fandom male faves. People flock to the "morally grey" and "complex" ones, write essays about how deep and tragic they are, but the moment someone acknowledges their actual negative traits they go "nooo it's just his trauma response, have some empathy, and if you don't you're gross and hate trauma victims!!"

And I don't think you have to like his character flaws (I certainly don't), but they're like ... character flaws? Ya know, a thing a good character has? Sometimes a guy is just a piece of shit. Sometimes they just say really cruel things. Understanding why they do that is a sign of good writing, not that he's somehow justified or correct. I keep saying this!!

AUGH.

I guess maybe people identify so strongly with him and grow so attached to their love for him that they think an acknowledgement of his less savory traits is somehow an attack on them or their taste? I dunno man. I can still like him even when he's garbage. At the very least, I can find him interesting and compelling as a fictional character.

Admins should just scrub all the lore from this site at this point, the userbase very clearly isn't mature enough to handle anything that isn't bluey

aka their comfy uwu stories made for actual toddlers where the highest form of conflict is someone is sad that the other person didnt like their koolaid or was on the phone during a baseball game

Any of you know that show Moral Orel? There's a character that says something akin to, "Everything is offensive if you know how to look at it just right" and that sums up a lot of the users to a T. There isn't a single piece of media that isn't Problematique to some degree that's 100% free from REaL WorLd Parallels.

Or maybe you guys can follow your own advice and if you don't like the lore, don't read it. Ignore it if it's giving you IRL panic attacks or whatever you claim it does, you're obviously not mature enough to handle FRs already childish attempt at lore. You're all seriously so insufferable and obnoxious with how you use social "Activism" (spamming devs) as an excuse to be shitty to everyone you meet and always assume the worst of them.

Oh well. This is the exact community the devs have been cultivating with their choices and i hope they're enjoying it. They need to learn to ignore these users or they'll never have a moment of peace. Guess this is just the natural progression of things when you cater to histrionic middle aged women and socially stunted teens who grew up on twitter/tiktok. Everything is offensive unless it's as creatively bland as rice porridge.

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I just checked my tag for the first time in forever and I’m guffawing at how late last year someone went though the notes on a post I made about two Iron Age bog bodies found in the Netherlands and sent this message to EVERYONE WHO REBLOGGED IT didn’t message me, a trans person, like “I found your wording on a post about two bog bodies found holding to be problematique” quite literally copy pasted that shit dozens and dozens and dozens of times. THEY’RE BOG BODIES. FROM 2,200 YEARS AGO. WE CANNOT FATHOM WHAT THEIR CONCEPT OF GENDER WAS LIKE. insanity. truly. my original post is here. there is nothing transphobic or radically feminist about saying “these two sets of historical remains were determined to have XY chromosomes through DNA testing and because there are no grave goods indicating they were gender nonconforming, these remains are considered male” archeology is often about speculation, theory and context clues, assumptions like “these sets of remains were likely a married couple due to positioning” and “this person was likely someone wealthy or held in high esteem by their community due to the grave goods” that’s the entire point of archeology, they can’t tell us in their words.

I honestly do not think anon gave a shit. they probably just hate me. if you see someone doing this shit please tell me

had a similar feeling about that photoshoot. i can understand how it is attractive, and i am certainly not about to moralise what one finds appealing. still, upon first sight i did think 1. hmm, this seems to hinge upon stewart being a thin woman, and 2. i do not like that when a queer woman becomes popular enough she begins to be photographed in more misogynistic settings, i.e. the fuckboy, woman pictured only on her back as a body to have sex with, etc? these are neutral if weary observations that i am only sharing as you have mentioned it, but again: i do not want to do the tumblr finding-of-problematics to make some one guilty about enjoying a photoshoot.

Yeah, for me it's like...I don't want to make this deeper than it is. I'm fully aware that, as a feminine queer woman who's more into other feminine women, no part of this is For Me. And that's perfectly fine! It doesn't have to be! I am one of 7 billion people in the world; expecting everything to be What I Like would be selfish and absurd. God knows, in my own beloved Murder Incest MovieTM fandom, I get annoyed enough with people not knowing the difference between "this is not my thing" and "this is morally terrible and if you like it you're a monster who should be pelted with bricks." I am NOT, EVER saying that about the KStew gym photoshoot.

Rather say that, I suppose, parts of it don't sit right with me? Her body type doesn't bother me so much as I was acknowledging that only certain types of women get to have their masculinity seen as desirable in any context, but the shot where she's looming above a faceless, splay-legged feminine woman (while presented like a stereotypical gym bro But Female) did leave a bad taste in my mouth. If that would be cringed at in a photoshoot with a male actor, why is it suddenly super-hot when a female actor does it? Not in the context of individuals' personal fantasies in which they're a consenting participant- good luck policing that; I'm not here to -but in the public eye. There's not necessarily a right answer; it's more a conversation worth having, IMO.

My reaction still isn't moral outrage, any more than yours is. More a mixture of "oh wow this thing that a lot of other sapphists find sexy is WILDLY unattractive to me; I will vent about that on my private blog" and "some aspects of this seem mildly distasteful to me."

I am extremely not saying "this photoshoot is Problematique and the actress and anyone who like it should be Cancelled; all public images of sexuality must be 100% morally correct." Do not willfully misinterpret my meaning, readers.

out of character. Frembly remembly that while I may write Gin and Rangiku being soft / cute, that doesn't change the fact that Gin commits a few problematique relationship crimes aside from his canon betrayal... including, but not limited to:

Stalking -- it's not always outright following her around, but keeping constant tabs on Rangiku via locking onto her reiatsu at any given moment is still lowkey stalking behavior in my book.

Possessiveness -- this is mostly my own interpretation and it's pretty subdued at most times, but there have been a few points in my roleplay where I have it flare up nice and ugly; this is the Ichimaru Gin who says he devours his favorites whole, this passion of his can easily become possessive and obsessive lust and fully envelop Rangiku in a strangling grasp.

Honorably mentioning Obsession in its own bullet point because of how potent that can be when blanketed across his entire vow to retrieve her soul piece being based entirely on him deciding, as a child, that this was the hill to die on, to murder for. For a girl he just met, that's a lot.

Murder! Gin killed those Shinigami that assaulted Rangiku as a child, they're shown to be the ones Gin plucks a Shinigami robe from in the blizzard when he tells Rangiku he's going to 'fix things' for her. The following murders Gin dishes out for the Third Seat and many unnamed others aren't directly linked to Rangiku/for the sake of Rangiku alone, so I won't count them specifically here, but those three/four guys? Hell yeah. We can argue they had it comin' and I'll agree, but it's still Problematique that he killed them 'for' her.

Emotional Withholding -- again, not quite in the outright and proper way that is prevalent in toxic and abusive relationships (often used to convey anger/punishment via that withholding), but he's withdrawn from her during the Rescue Rukia arc in a way that is specifically distressing and confusing for Rangiku, who knows Gin isn't behaving like himself, and he's refusing to communicate anything to her during that time. A blanket apology before abandoning her on Sokyoku Hill doesn't cover it.

Abandonment. Because of the lasting effect it had on Rangiku, this is considerably awful and something that could have at the very least been eased via him explaining himself to some vague degree rather than not at all, leaving her to wonder where he was going, what he was up to, and why he didn't tell her shit. The argument could be made that he didn't want to unnecessarily lie to her, but he's already lying to her in other ways.

Deflection via Twisting, turning Rangiku's questions onto her instead of allowing her to properly drill into him when she finally confronts him on the rooftop, which then subsequently leads to guilt-tripping topped with a cherry of "you're in the way," that's overall an awful thing to say/do AND THEN POINTING SHINSO AT HER AND --

Threatening Bodily Harm. This one's getting put on here because at the end of the day, regardless of Gin's intent to skewer Momo and not Rangiku, Rangiku still put herself between them and it still happened where he almost hurt her instead. The second time being on the rooftop, where he pretends to kill her via a well-aimed Shinso with a simultaneous Hakufuku, but the act is so well guised that Rangiku, in that moment, thought Gin was going to kill her.

But joke's on you, Ginran makes me froth at the mouth and howl at the moon before barreling at you on all fours, so... if you can't get past these fictional flaws? Skill issue tbh.

can you elaborate more about kataang hatred ?

Aang was a baby incel and the arc where they got together was gross. Katara explicitly communicated her need to work out her feelings, and Aang ignored that and just like kissed her (said it then, I'll say it now: ew!). Also the two year age difference being 12-14 isn't like, inherently, problematique, but it definitely shaped the way they talked to each other that made Aang's crush feel immature and unobtainable for most of the series while Katara was flirting with slightly more mature non incels like Jet. Aang was often trying to show off and get her attention in an understandably immature way but not one that made me um want them to date (see the koi sailing, aunt wu episode etc.etc.)

Fundamentally it feels like it's a one-sided self serving contrived ship when we consider their moments of growth, how when Katara needed someone to lean on to confront her mother's murderer she couldn't trust that to be Aang, yet she is always there for him when anyone can be & was his weakness in being able to let go of his world connections.

It also felt like the creators were well aware that their preteen and teen girl fan base all preferred her love interests that were or were implied to be older than middle schoolers (see the Haru-Jet-Zuko-Blue Spirit short) and stated something about how it would be disappointing to little boys if Aang didn't get the girl which leaves a bad taste in the mouth. also they raised Tenzin #LikeThat.

Hope it's okay to ask here, I love your blog and how you give clear, concise answers to questions without assuming bad faith so hopefully it's ok to throw my own "warning tag" question in here, TIA for the answer! So, childhood friends-to-lovers is like one of my favourite romance tropes to write in fanfic. I've done a LOT of ships with that, but I've never actually written anything more uh...spicy, shall we say. Until after the ship were both adults. I was raised Extremely Fundie and wasn't very sex positive for a LONG time as a result but now that I'm older & out of that environment I've grown a lot. So because of religious upbringing I just avoided writing smut before both characters were 18 "to be safe". In a recent new fandom I'm in I have a character who I feel like very much WOULD have explored her sexuality before she turned 18. The partner in this context is her childhood friend so they grew up together and are probably at most like 3 years apart, if that. So my question is, would I tag that as Underage because, even tho they're close together in age (ie. both "minors" in that sense) they ARE Underage or is the Underage tag on AO3 solely for Adult/Minor ships? (not judging writers of Adult/Minor pairings either, I'll add. It's just not my scene and I don't want to give people the wrong impression in the tags, either way around, whenever I inevitably write & post their First Time fic, yk?) -🌸 (hope its okay to tag this so I can maybe find it later? I don't wanna ask this off anon in case I get blasted by That(tm) side of fandom at large who might see my username and then come into my DMs/inbox to scream "P*do!!" at me, but I DO wanna be able to see the answer when it comes up, esp if I am not on tumblr the day that it does haha)

--

Ah. You're still thinking about that tag in a more cultural sense, but that's not what it's for. If you dig through the FAQs and such, the explanation is in there somewhere, but to summarize, it refers to:

On page depictions of sexual activity including at least one character under 18.

(So if they just kiss or you just say she had sex but you don't show intercourse, oral, etc. on the actual page, it doesn't count.)

AO3's underage tag is actually to protect users who live in jurisdictions where <18 sexytimes are banned from art or banned unless there's ~artistic merit~ or whatever. Around the time AO3 was starting up was when Australia was having a big upheaval over such things, so it was on people's minds in the Anglosphere.

Whether the sex is problematique or age gap or whatever doesn't matter. The actual age of consent or laws around sex in the real world location these characters are in, if any, does not matter. Your 17-year-old UK characters fucking still need the warning or CNTW even though that's laughable in context. 18 tends to be the age most used in international law for... like... porn star ages and such, so 18 is what AO3 went with. Never mind that it's not necessarily the age of majority or that age of consent laws can depend on partner age, etc. etc.

Unlike noncon/graphic violence/character death, this warning isn't there primarily because readers find the topic squicky.

It's a legal ass-covering thing.

I don’t really want anyone who identifies as a woman interacting and engaging with my posts. It makes me uncomfortable and I feel like I have the right to set that boundary. I don’t want women to be attracted to me. I don’t really care that they’re also men, they’re also women and I really only date non-women, you can’t make people feel bad for having boundaries, that is going way too far

You cant control who feels attracted to you. You can set boundaries for the relationships you form and people shouldn't violate them, but you can't control the way someone feels in their own head

You can set that boundary and say you don't want anyone who identifies as a woman to interact with you. That's your right. But multigender people aren't gonna trust you & are gonna see you as exorsexist or at least have exorsexist ways of thinking that make you unsafe for us to be around

I really don't know why people keep coming onto the Talking About Being Multigender Blog to tell me how Problematique those weird boygirls are

I'm gonna be controversial yet brave. People online saying something to the effect of, "You need to acknowledge the flaws of the things you like!" started out as pushback against defensive fans who would leave angry responses to anyone offering any criticism of the media they liked. I get that; one of the only instances of anon hate I ever got on this blog was someone melting down in my inbox and telling me to stick my head into an oven because I wasn't in love with the modern Harley Quinn show lol

But because this website is deranged, it's turned into a push to perform like a self-flagellation ritual where people are like, "uwu I know this media is problematique and has bad parts uwu and a YouTuber made a video essay saying it's bad so that must be true uwu but it's okay, I'm allowed to like it because I'm acknowledging how flawed it is."

And that's where I'm like, nah. I'm not interested doing this weird dance to get a green light to like things lol. I can simply think these things are good and move on

I know this is a really stupid question, but why is the Jan stevens kink (I don’t know what it’s called sry) kinda upsetting for some people? Like, toxic or whatever. I totally respect it, it’s just not clicking in my head if that makes sense? I’m just not totally clear on what’s wrong with it. I haven’t thought about it much though, so maybe that’s on me. I just thought maybe you could enlighten me, ‘cause now I’m curious. Thx 💟

hi!! ofc, happy to explain it!

the way i wrote it, it's really not extreme -- and that's the level of that kink (i generally referred to it as alvinolagnia -- a belly/midriff partialism -- will include some info at the end of this post) that i was personally comfortable with writing. there is nothing wrong with that kink per se -- however! if we are talking specifically about feederism there is a lot of..... let's say... disturbing stuff associated with it. in certain spaces (online and irl) a lot of feeders are men who enjoy forcing their female partners to eat absurd amounts of food and gain an absurd amount of weight -- so much so that they need to rely on their partner to do things for them. it also involves those men calling those women pretty nasty slurs, and a popular one is to call your partner a pig. a lot of fatphobia combined with misogyny in that community, but also glorification of obesity (we are talking about people who gain so much weight they can barely walk by themselves anymore). it's..... a lot.

HOWEVER. you could argue that most kinks have their extreme sides. in the bdsm community, for example, you could have a light dom/sub dynamic in the bedroom, or you could be someone's full time slave, have your partner control every aspect of your life, including your finances etc. so basically, another person practically owns you. that's also real icky haha. but then again, we all like to read a nice smutty fic with light dom/sub dynamics, right? and i think there's no harm in that.

what rubs people the wrong way about this kink is that it can get real disturbing and extreme real fast -- and a lot of people who are into it ARE on the extreme side. however, there are definitely people who just enjoy some harmless belly kink stuff, but i feel like they are not as loud as the disturbing part of that crowd haha, so people don't tend to pay attention to them. for them, belly kink + feederism is immediately something very extreme.

i think a lot of the ick people feel for that particular kink is because of deep fatphobia that runs in our society. people would literally rather drink piss than feel bloated for one (1) hour haha. bc when you look at it, how is that ickier than like... feet? or piss? or even breeding, which is a very popular kink online lol (also with that one you could find heaps of Problematique(TM) stuff, such as forced pregnancy stuff etc.). or like plain old choking. how is choking less disturbing that like... being bloated and getting off on it lol. so that's for sure something to think about.

so basically, the overall take would be -- every kink can range from fun, mild, and harmless to very disturbing/borderline abuse -- some kinks can skew into the icky territory much faster than others though, so that is also something to keep in mind.

so, there -- those were yourlocaldisneyvillain's hot takes for today. enjoy kink!week :))) see you tomorrow :*

(that being said -- ppl are allowed to dislike or be grossed out by any kink for any reason. there doesn't have to be anything deeper to it) some info about alvinolagnia/ belly stuffing/feederism that i already included in the jan fic is under the cut!

Alvinolagnia is another term for a belly fetish. Alvinolagnia is a partialism in which an individual is sexually attracted to the midriff or belly. The belly is widely considered as an erogenous region, meaning it holds multiple nerve endings that make it sensitive to various sensations. Therefore, having a belly fetish usually coincides with belly-related sexual acts including but not limited to touching/rubbing the belly region, using sex toys and other objects to stimulate the belly region, rubbing one's belly against a partner's belly, or licking or sucking the navel.

A kink that closely relates to the belly fetish is belly stuffing — which is when people get a psychological thrill and sexual pleasure from the idea of eating a lot — doing it themselves, or witnessing someone else do it.

Belly stuffing can be related to feederism. Feederism is a fat fetish subculture in which individuals eroticise weight gain and feeding. Feeders are individuals who are sexually aroused by feeding their partners and encouraging them to gain weight. Feederism encompasses people being turned on by feeding, belly stuffing, weight gain, fat, and often, dominance and submission.

okay so like how do you set boundaries with an internet friend that you don't wanna be friends with anymore? this is no one here, this is someone i know via instagram and I kinda just realized is actually a dick to me? all the time? and i don't wanna talk to them anymore much less have them edit my book (which they offered to do and I stupidly already said yes)

I don't wanna block them without saying anything, i literally have trauma around being blocked for no reason BUT like is that worse than like? just ghosting them forever? cause that's what I've been kinda doing already

this person CLAIMS to like my book but they've also given me stupid super nit-picky and mean spirited criticisms on it that make no sense that are literally like suspension of disbelief things (also they tried to say that it was "unrealistic" for Cain to not be arrested for tax fraud, which like. buddy you're european and you have no fucking idea what CEO billionaires in the US are fucking capable of getting away with apparently lol)

These criticisms were basically unprompted btw. they were like oh can i make some comments and I said yeah sure thinking it'd be something small and then they proceeded to tell me that my entire story makes no sense and kinda mock it and make fun of it and make me feel dumb

so they made me really insecure about my writing and also literally none of my headmates like them and we get that we can't stop them from reading our book when it's published BUT we just don't want to talk to them about it or have them read it for free

i asked a friend about it and they think they're jealous of me and that's why they say they like my book but are also picking it apart and idk if that's true but I don't think they're like... PURPOSEFULLY being an asshole they just are. i literally dread every message I get from them. OH also they called one of my headmates an ableist slur which like okay fine, it's a common slur that people throw around but it was still hmmmm not great (we are not out as a system on instagram btw)

they send me videos that are completely irrelevant to my interests, they've been BUGGING me about when i'll send them the chapters of silence agenda I told them they could edit (which now will not be happening lol). also our very first conversation was them trying to tell me that studying titanic history doesn't matter WHEN I WAS LITERALLY GRIEVING AFTER THE SUBMERSIBLE DISASTER LAST SUMMER AND VENTING MY FRUSTRATIONS ABOUT IT. and i did snap at them that time and we worked it out and both apologized for making assumptions which was fine but still. like i almost blocked them the moment they sent me that message and now i really really really wish I had bc I feel like i'm in too deep

we also have several mutuals in common and i would worry that if I blocked them on everything, they'd ask one of our common mutuals about it (or a mutual would share my art or something) and they'd realize that I have them blocked, and then i'd have to like. explain myself. and i don't feel comfortable telling those mutuals about it bc i DO NOT want to be that person that's like 'hey jsyk you're following this person who is Problematique' bc i DESPISE when people do that

anyway yeah i just don't know how to handle it and any advice would be appreciated. idk how i've been putting up with this person's bullshit for so long like dear lord i kinda felt like i yanked the wool off my eyes today and realized how fucking awful they are to me

I kept trying to find a soulmate fic I liked enough to rec, and I just couldn't manage. BUT since Remus and Sirius are soulmates in every universe and my forever OTP, here's a wolfstar rec list featuring one canon-compliant fic, one canon-divergent fic, and a variety of AUs.

Map of the Problematique (D.M.L.E. Evidentiary File 142-3b.) by SullenSiren (lorax) (15k, E)

"He's going to make it a RULE." Before they went their separate ways, Moony, Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail shared a flat. The flat had rules. This is how it went.

Buy the Stars by wilteddaisy (taotu) (23k, E)

Sirius Black, respectable pureblood patriarch and heir to the Black family fortune, has a wife and three children at Hogwarts. Defence Against the Dark Arts professor Remus Lupin wrestles with the aging wolf inside of him. When Black offers him a hand, Remus reluctantly takes it.

Recto Verso by zambla (8k, M)

Love in the time of the 1984-5 coal miners' strike. Remus is a geologist working for an independent assessment of a disputed coal mine in his hometown in south Yorkshire during the strike. He meets a communist agitator.

under the blood moon by iamsiriuslyriddikulus @fvckyouimaprophet (40k, E)

A Wizarding War has been raging for several years with no end in sight. When Lily learns how to infuse Dark Magic into her music, Remus and Lily work together to take justice into their own hands.

White Sheets, in the Closet (or: the earth from a great distance is perfect and whole) by tahtahfornow (12k, M)

Remus says: You ever seen the inside of a loony bin. (South Georgia, 1961-1962. Hurried kisses in hostile climates.)

57th Street On Fire by Suchsmallhands (30k, M)

It's the 90's and springtime in New York. Remus is dealing cocaine, Sirius is looking to get high. He felt a twinge of paranoia. He thought, This is a junkie. One way or another. You don’t take walks with people you sell cocaine to. And he might be rich. Do not say yes. He’d never seen grey eyes quite like that before.

The Barking of Dogs by houseofhebrideanblacks (14k, E)

Sirius Black leaves the hospital with a leaflet for NarcAnon. Remus Lupin isn't an alcoholic. They meet at a methodist church in South London, Thursday, 9 pm.

A Dark and Silent Overture by eyra (10k, M)

He was smiling to himself, eyes still closed, and Sirius hadn't known at the time - but by Fifth Year would realise well enough - where this Remus had come from. He was always a little wild, somehow both impossibly distant and blindingly, achingly present, all at once, and in the beginning Sirius had ascribed it entirely to Remus's own innate nature or some sort of slight chemical neurodivergence that made him just a little bit more than the rest of them; a little bit magic, a little bit mad. Freer than the others. A tempest in an otherwise still ocean. The boys at boarding school, told in libraries and cloisters and too much alcohol and the way Remus thinks none of it matters, anyway.

No Bright Line by lady_grey (106k, E)

In which Sirius is a famous actor who has stopped believing in authenticity, Remus is a historian with a complex relationship to memory, and Lily is the brilliant filmmaker who brings them together. James and Harry are there too, although they mostly just want to enjoy the beach.

My other recs for @hprecfest here

(For the lovely folks at @hprecfest, no pressure to reblog this one because I know I'm cheating!)