The best part about playing a bard is that you can imagine them saying "Heh ... they used to call me that in college 😏" and it'll still make sense in-universe.

Love to make lists. Might make a list of all the mods I use. Because I'm cool and sexy.

Hey do people who say these are the only good male elf heads know what they sound like haha

El Zorro

The for you page suck ass, for me they show me things i have in the list of content i dont want to see, so it appears with "you say you didnt want to see this content so its hiden" like tumblr cmon!

Yeah I saw a post recently that was like "um if you see weird content on your for you page that's on you because umm that's just how the algorithm works sweaty so umm you're telling on yourself" which is so very Tiktok-brained cuz the algorithm on here sucks ass.

And like if that were true then I guess tumblr must take my blocking posts and people as valid "interaction" cuz they keep pushing the shit I explicitly told them I do not want to see. And it's not even like ?? Popular stuff?? I get posts with single-digit notes of stuff I defo did not ask for from tags I do not follow so what's the excuse here!!

If tumblr has an algorithm then it sucks farts outta my ass cuz I keep blocking AA fans and annoying BG3 posters on my personal and they keep popping up on my for you page like tumblr directly sees me shooting them out of the sky and throwing out more like "oh you like this? you like this you little bitch?"

No I don't tumblr. I do not want 50589484 fics of ascendant Astarion and his 19-year-old edgy child bride having the most boring straight-man-porn intercourse imaginable.

Mentally I am here

Kinda wanna make ... The Sims 4 townhouse builds ... based on the fears in TMA ...

i feel like astarion could maybe POSSIBLY be halfway decent with like, older kids but absolutely awful with babies. if you handed him an infant i think he'd hold them as far away from his body as possible like a bag of medical waste. you ask astarion to watch your baby for 5 minutes and when you get back the baby is trying to stick their finger in a socket and astarion is completely gone

Or sitting in a chair in the corner and keeping an eye on it from across the room. At best. And he will never change a diaper. If you leave your baby with Astarion I think that qualifies as neglect.

Not exactly a dadstarion truther either (mostly bc it took me a while to actually warm up to the idea and also hes NEVER having kids with my durge, only my tav (can you imagine this man parenting a Bhaalspawn? A dhampir Bhaalspawn?? Nonono.)) But I do find something a little compelling about the thought of this man who a) has had absolutely nothing of his own for as long as he can remember and b) sees himself as worthless and irreparably fucked up creating this tiny new person? Like, they're part of him, he made this precious little creature (with the person he already loves most)? This soft and innocent thing? (Which he would waffle awfully between wanting to keep innocent for as long as possible but also making sure they know about life's horrors so they can avoid them) Like sure the baby version is annoyingly loud and can't do anything and also gross and smells but he can teach the toddler to bite people. He is the absolute worst enabler, spoils the kid rotten. Teaches them to steal and pick locks and just lets them get away with murder. Parent #2 has to do all the actual parenting part cuz damn he's not doing the discipline thing at all.

Also the vain part of him likes looking at his kid and sort of seeing some of his face in them, since he can't use an actual mirror.

Well he'd be cured by the time he has the kid or soon after in my canon, so that last part wouldn't apply for me.

And yeah, when I say that I'm not a dadstarion truther I don't mean that I don't see it happening ever, but more that to me, that first step in itself is the one that I see as least likely.

Because I can accept that he would learn to love the kid, that he would care about it and spoil it. I can also accept (and would gladly explore) him having a complicated relationship with the kid, either early on in a postpartum depression sort of way, or further down the line in a "I can't find common ground with my teen/young adult" sort of way (or both lbr).

The problem, to me, is that I don't see Astarion going "let's have a kid!" I don't see him genuinely wanting one, and I don't see him finding any reason to lie about wanting one, and I don't see Hira believing any of those lies even if he does try. It's really the initial hurdle. The rest I'm happy to make as dysfunctional and weird as it would realistically be when a guy who shouldn't be a dad becomes a dad. One of the reasons I came up with Critter is because I find it compelling how much Astarion is not a dad guy, and how that would fuck up a person like Critter. That's juicy stuff. And also a way for me to work out my own daddy issues I guess lmao.

But getting that started? Actually inventing a reason for how Astarion would even agree to it? That's where I struggle. And that's why I'm torn. Cuz I do want to stay true to my own interpretation of a character, while also wanting to create a new character and put them both (and also Hira) in situations.

Like I'm happy for all the dadstarion peeps who have cool dhampir girlies running around on adventures and I'd love to join them, but I also think that if I were true to Astarion's characterization, that kid would have issues. Like maybe a lot of them.

Thinking abt baby Hira being betrayed by their lover and then killing him despite loving him more than anything

Hey! Don't feel bad for thinking concept art Cazador was hot. He was based on actual real-life model Tony Thornburg.

I think I know why they uuh ... changed the final version of Cazador now lmao.

tbh I'm not a dadstarion truther in the slightest but if I were to give Astarion a reason why he'd become a dad, I'd probs go with bc Leon was a dad, and for a long time he was held up as Cazador's favorite, the standard the other spawns were compared to, I can see Astarion becoming a dad purely fueled by spite towards the competition or as a means to prove it to himself that he's above it (but then again he might just be averse towards fatherhood for the same reason idk), and he might even be cocky enough to think he knows what fatherhood takes bc he's been around Leon's daughter for who knows how long

But uuh yeah I'm just spitballing, I don't see an ounce of paternal instinct in Astarion so yeag

Yeah I could maybe see him having a kid out of spite, like you and the previous anon said, hard maybe, but if we do accept that reason, I don't think Hira would? They'd be like "No have kids because you want them, not because you have something to prove, you absolute freak."

The only way I could ever see this working is if, like, Hira's adopted tiefs and orphans they help and check up on end up doing really well as adults? Like really successful and happy and well-adjusted? And it's been like ... over 50 years since Astarion became free. And about as much since he was cured. And he looks at those people and they're doing fine and he's also doing fine and him and Hira have done everything under the sun so now they're like bored looking for a new adventure. And he's like "tee-hee let's have kids I know you want them so maybe it would be fun? We'll probably be good at it so like no big deal right?" And they're like yeah sure I'm immortal but I do want kids so.

But at that point Astarion is like. A different guy. In more ways than one. Ya dig? And maybe that's the approach I need idk.

Might just give up on the idea of Critter being a dhampir I guess :(

Well well well if it isn't the consequences of my actions ...

No but fr I unironically want Dadstarion enjoyers to send me their propaganda cuz I still do not see how this would happen 🤔

EDIT: I voted yes on this account and no on my other main, to balance it out, cuz tumblr is a shit website that doesn't let you see results unless the poll's over or you vote.

"Astarion would throw you over any surface if you waggle your eyebrows at him" this, "Astarion would be super-kinky" that-- me personally, I'm an "Astarion would, after wildly vacillating between all the sex and none of the sex, land on missionary lovemaking 3x a week and be extremely happy about it" truther.

Ok so let me get this straight: you people VOTE to make Critter HAPPEN, and then when I ask how I'm supposed to go about it you ABANDON ME in my HOUR OF NEED?

I see how it is 😔

Well well well if it isn't the consequences of my actions ...

No but fr I unironically want Dadstarion enjoyers to send me their propaganda cuz I still do not see how this would happen 🤔

EDIT: I voted yes on this account and no on my other main, to balance it out, cuz tumblr is a shit website that doesn't let you see results unless the poll's over or you vote.

SO i'm not actually a dadstarion truther (i am however an uncle astarion truther. i think he'd teach wyll's daughter how to pick locks (and wyll would act like he's mad but would secretly be impressed by it (sorry i'm always on my dad!wyll shit))) but i could see it in like, a significant amount of time post canon after he's had like several more character arcs to be slightly less of a shitty person + if some of the other companions had children. either as "i want to bring something good into this world too to counteract all the bad" or "my kid would be better than yours"

I'm also an Uncle Astarion truther. Or like an unaware stepdad Astarion truther. Hira's 100% adopting any orphan, esp orphan tieflings, in an unofficial capacity (providing Mol a safe place to run her crime empire, sending Arabella to school etc etc) and I think he'd be down to care about those kids even if he doesn't care for them, in a semi-parental way, as long as you don't point out to him that he's almost the dad that stepped up. Because then he'll get the ick and stop doing whatever he's doing.

I actually imagine Wyll and Phoebus either adopting or getting a surrogate, and it's a Cool Well-Adjusted Tiefling Son they have. And him and Critter go on monster-hunting adventures. And kiss each other on the mouth.