#how much do you regret it??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

forevermore-quoth-the-kitten · 2 years

Text

MC Grooms the Boys! (Part 1)

MC finds themself watching as only a few of the boys actually regularly take care of their demon appendages and thats fine, but self matinence is hard sometimes so after reading all about it, you decide that they need help!

Lucifer

lucifer is shocked when you show up with a book on demon grooming, some supplies he recognized having come from his own bathroom, and the words 'let me groom you' spilling from your lips.

demon appendages are more sensitive as a generalization, so he's quick to shut you down as he knows few others know how much pressure to use to keep from hurting him. it would be find if his wings were featherless, but he's the only demon with feathers wings in the devildom, so it's different and-

-and that's why you're offering to help, you say? you've noticed how it takes him so long to groom and he's been busy lately, so he hasn't taken the time on the weekend to groom like he normally does.

Lucifer, as much as wants to tell you no, period, he simply cant resiste you (and the prospect of help is very appealing), so he moved to the coffee table instead of his desk to give you access to his wings.

the book is one he knows, so he refrains from telling more than you need and helping you know exactly how much pressure to use that doesn't hurt but still feels good.

once you get the hang of it yours running your hands through his feathers and straightening them before using his oils and brushed on them.

forget his work, Lucifer is relaxing under your touch and is simply laying on his table.

you hae to nudge him out of his half awake state to get him to sit up once youre done with his wings to scrub his horns.

when youre done you're not going anywhere for a while, he's too chill. so stay with him and enjoy this for a while, work can wait.

Mammon

Mammon, as a model, takes very good care of himself. but when you ask him to let your groom him since he seems to struggle with it, he goes bright red and stutters excuses.

but obviously inwardly he's absolutely preening that you want to do something so intimate with him, so he's pretty quick to agree and shows you where he keeps his grooming tools.

Mammon's about to show you how to do everything but you've already read al about it and have him sit in front of you with a movie on his tv or something as you start gently wet a soft brush and scrub at the top edge of his wings to remove any old little scales from it.

Mammon's a puddle of happy demon really fast as you clean and rub oil into his wings.

he has to move closer so you can reach his tail, but he's more then willing to.

when you're done you barely say anything before he's turned around and is pushing his horns into your hands, greedy for more of your touch.

hes gets pouty when youre done and yeah, you dont get much of a choice when it comes to cuddles afterwards.

Leviathan

you pop the questions and cue a dropped gaming controller and a bright red stuttering otaku who insists that you don't need to help a yuvky otaku like him-

you cut that off real quick, explaing that you did research about demon grooming habits and that recently when he's been in his demon form, you've seen how he tail rubs on things and twitches around likes its agitated, so you'd like to groom his tail.

its takes some coaxing but Levi admits he's shedding and it's really annoying since he doesn't have the patience to take care of it early on so he just deals with the feeling until shedding it over.

you're not having any of that and of course he can't say no to his Henry! within 15 minutes you've got the grooming supplies you bought around you with LEvi sitting in front of you, one of his favorite anime's on, as you pull is tail into your lap.

he's nervous and barely able to focus at first, but then whatever firm brush you've got in your hand is making circles on his tail and gently pulling his loose scales from his tail. his tail is tight close scales, likes a scales. its meant to hold heat and keep water out since he's a water type demon, so there's nothing to come out from under it, so all you have to do and get all the old scales out and off his tail.

Levi's making a noise akin to purring as he sighs in happy relief, watching his show but not fully registering it as your work down his tail before using a softer brush to soothe it with some nice smelling oil.

he stutters a bit when you also want to clean his horns, but the prospect of his head on your lap is too much to refuse.

that also feels really nice, especially since, due to how the branch out and stuff, its hard to see them to clean them properly, so it's great to have someone else able to see them doing it for him.

melted otaku takes some time to firm up after grooming, give it at least one anime episode before trying to move.

Satan

sorry, you want to what? Satan almost laughs, have you see his tail? its made up of a bunch of hard segments and plates, he doesn't have much to do in terms of caring for his extremeties.

the offer is nice and he'll love to spend time with you, but you're insistant and satan relenets if only to show you that there's nothing really to do-is the a hoof pick? why did you bring a hoof pick to groom him-

Satan falls silent as he goes cross eyed when you take the pick and swipe dirt and dead skin out from under a scale on his tail. fuck, what did you do? there's no way that was all you did, it felt amazing. his tail was never very sensitve, it's too built and armored with hard scales for that-

you show the stuff that collected under it to hima nd Satan's a bit shocked, but you wipe it off on a towel and do it again, Satan's quickly wrapping his tail around you and dragging you to his bed, laying down on his front on it, using a pillow to hide his blush, but you happily settle down and start grooming gunk out from under every piece.

satan's giving happy and relaxed little sighs the whole time, turning into a puddle of temperance, wondering how he'd never thought to even try to do something like that before.

after all of that is over he's sad when he thinks youre done, but you start scrubbing oil into his tail with a brush and now he turns a bit to talk to you, still very calm and happy about the quality time.

you're offering to also clean his horns now? go right ahead, he'll tell you about whatever new drama he's been watching recently while you do.

Asmodeus

he takes immense pride in his looks, and obviously takes very good care of himself in all his forms! but now you're saying its obviously hard to take care of his wings and are offering to help?!

oh he's never going to turn down such an intimate offer from you!

you two settle on his bed surrounded by his supplies that he's given you the pick of and he does want to chat with you while you groom him.

but oohhhh, he's forgotten how it feels to be groomed by someone else. it feels good, and not in the way you're suspicious of. the avatar of lust is a softly purring pile of affection as he lets you clean old scales off his wings and scrub both sides of them.

hes a bit mroe himself and tells you gossip when you start to scrub his horns, but hes speaking a bit slowly and expression wise, looks more like a sated Belphie.

Asmo doesn't mind the comparison, he feels like sleepy but not super tired Belphie, the relaxing feeling of being groomed is incredible.

when you're done he insists you stay so he can give you a massage so you know exactly how he feels, which oddly enough didn't actually seem like any sort of innuendo. and even if you don't want to accept the offer, he will insist you stay with him for some lazy cuddles (which he may or may not nod off during).

Beelzebub

huh you wanna what? Beel's confused, he does very little in terms of grooming, he really doesn't need to. woudl you rather come eat with him instead?

no, you tell him about what you're read and as it turns out, even with his wings there are ways to properly care for them. he really didn't know, but they're fine, so its not a big deal?

he'll still let you when you want to, you guys just have to set him up in front of a table on a backless chair so you can reach his wings without them touching the floor.

Beels eating as you start with a wet cloth and gently wipe down his wings. it kind of tickles a bit around where wing meets skin, but he kind of freezes a bit and stops eating as you wipe down his wing.

the sudden stillness and silence are off putting, he turns to you when you stop, though, to ask you to keep going. it feels really good.

it makes you smile and Beel kind of stays in a trance like state as you wipe down his wings before pouring a bit of oil on them. it makes them flitter a bit and splash some on you, which makes you laugh. beel smiles too, hearing you, but it just feels so good as you gently hold his wing in your palm to brace it a bit as you ever so gently rub the oil into the appendages.

and contrary to his wings, he knows he should take better care of his horns, so he lets you take care of those right away. and sure enough, once again, he's in that trance like serene state as your srub and clean his horns.

when you're done and step back, Beel blinks at you before turning around, grabbing a piece of whatever food was now behind him, and moving to feed it to you.

he's grateful and he really liked that you cared enough to do, not just read up about it, but do that for him, so baby is going to try and hand feed you in thanks. if you don't take it from him thats fine, he'll just offer to share his food instead and try to get you to eat as much as possible anyways.

Belphie

Belphie could not care less when it comes to grooming himself outside of the absolutely nessecary. he doesn't have scales or feathers, so he really doesnt need to do anything like that other than brush his tail occasionally, which tends to be at some ponit after he showers, when he brushes his hair.

you;re not having any of that and make him take a shower, telling him to thoroughly scrub his hair and tail clean and to condition well. (If you want you can join him in the shower, but just know his smug lazy ass will make you do the hard work for him.)

once hes out and dressed you sit down, him half draps over your lap, as you take his tail and start to properly detangle it before you get Belphie to help and sit up so you can do the same to his hair. once both are brushed out you blow dry them and it annoys him, the heat and sound waking him up, but its all or nothing and belphie's nothing if not a greedy bastard who wants you to himself. so he'll endure his new hatred for the stupid thing and let you blow his hair and tail nice and dry and fluffy.

yeah, it's off, he's not staying awake any longer. that's fine, it makes it easier to take your time brushing his tail and putting some oil in it to make it nice and healthy and shiny. and its Belphie, and its you, so nudging him awake enough to lean up on the headboard so you can get to his head is also relatively easy.

its only while your carefully trying to scrub the horns close to his head that Belphie wakes up, meaning you can be a little less gnetle and get it done since hes awake now. Belphie doesnt talk while you get it done, but once youre done, good luck getting away from him any time soon. its nap time and you're staying, no you don't get to argue with him about it.

Part 2

3K notes · View notes

thebroccolination · 1 month

Text

THE EX-MORNING SERIES CONCEPT

By now I think many people have heard that KristSingto’s upcoming series is an original script that was written for them. What we also have confirmed is that it was written about them.

[source]

KRIST: This series was written by P'Backaof and directed by P'Lit where they created this script from the start deliberately for the two of us and they got information for the characters etc. from KristSingto directly. In the series, the name for P'Sing is Tamtawan, and my name is Phatapi. And Tamtawan Tamtawan and Phatapi are KristSingto themselves.

INTERVIEWER: Does that mean you play yourself?

KRIST: [laughing] Yes, we act as ourselves, so it's not difficult at all.

Today, Aof elaborated on his part on Twitter:

[source: @backaof]

[translation: @_beinglistener]

And Jojo added:

[source: @jojotichakorn]

[translation: @_beinglistener]

So, two gay men are the leading creative minds behind KristSingto’s comeback series. Time to study up on your KristSingto history, kids. \:D/

Long live sanctioned RPF. 🎉

#krist perawat #singto prachaya #kristsingto #the ex morning #i’ve already seen the same tired ‘guess rent was due’ about krist and #i see on twitter when people link my thread about krist to people still insisting he’s homophobic #man’s rich #he works constantly #he even said it’s something he regrets now that his grandmother who raised him passed away #he worked so much he didn’t have as much time for his family—who he helps support #he is quite literally considered bl royalty #he has more queer people in his circle than straight #waa (gay) is his mentor #aof (gay) wrote this series and jojo (gay) thought up the concept so even professionally he's supported by queer people #you don’t have to like him #and you don’t have to admit to sending death threats to a stranger who doesn’t speak your language based on rumors you didn’t verify #just y’know #admit quietly to yourself alone in your head that you were wrong and you caused harm to a person who didn’t deserve it #plenty of actors use bl as a stepping stone to bigger jobs #he’s not one of them #he wanted to do bl for years but gmmtv told him he could only work with singto #so literally the only reason kit didn’t do bl until BMF was scheduling issues because singto wanted to study abroad #and singto couldn’t get a fixed date for it and then the pandemic messed with his plans even more #i’m glad to see more and more people are understanding who krist is recently #and even in the series they made pathapi’s controversy an impulsive act of anger #krist has said he used to struggle with being hotheaded #and one of his apologies for the igs was even something like ‘i acted without thinking of how it would look out of context’#he just wanted people to stop harassing him for his sexuality but the context isn’t in the igs #anyway my go-to when i’m too tired to talk about this is always this #if he had ever been homophobic thai people would be the ones leading the charge against him…but it’s interfans

75 notes · View notes

cryptiduni · 11 months

Text

“white mourning.”

#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’#jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice #judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice.#she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry #he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as #he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back.#he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb.#planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco #you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen #his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but #jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control #i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation.#but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse.#i relate to jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late #my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone.#kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon #disco elysium #de fanart #jean vicquemare #disco elysium fanart #jean heron vicquemare #jean posting #illustration #de #artists on tumblr #my art #I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!#i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings #my little maiu maiu

219 notes · View notes

t4tcecilos · 4 months

Text

soooo interesting to me that a lot of what marvin sings to/about whizzer in act 2 are questions (this isnt even all of them) i think it shows how much he changed since act 1

“when am i gonna get over this?” “what is he doing here?” “how could i know without him, my life would be boring as shit?” “would it be possible to see you or to kiss you or to give you a callll?” “do you knoww all i want is youuu?” “what more can i say?” “how can i express how confused am i by our happiness?” “what more can i do?” “can you tell i have been revised?” “do you know all i want is you?” “who’d believe that we two, would end up as lovers?” “im not scared-what good is a lover who’s scared?” “what would i do?” “who would i be if you had not been my friend?” “who would i be if i had not loved you?” “how would i know what love is?” “no simple answers but what would i do? if you had not been my friend?”

#i think it really shows how much he matured since act 1. he doesnt feel like he needs to control every relationship anymore #hes reflecting on his life so much more…. hes asking questions instead of just. yknow. Not. waiils #falsettos #falsettos 2016 #GRHRHRHGH they make me go wild #posts #i also think about whizzers question in what would i do….#do you regret? id do it again id like to believe that id do it again and again and again #marvin falsettos

104 notes · View notes

kingkatsuki · 1 month

Text

One of my absolute favorite “cliche” tropes is amnesia fics where reader has been dating character for years, but they forget and then they can only remember dating their ex. So it’s like they go back to the ex because it’s all they’ve ever known, and their current love has to cope with seeing the love of their life in the arms of another guy.

I could read that trope a million times over and never get bored or think it’s too repetitive.

#bonus points with him trying to help you remember but not wanting to like scare you or freak you out???#and even better for like Sanemi when there’s no phones or cameras to show text messages???#or photographs #and he REGRETS not writing you letters so badly then sigh #or like Bakugou not giving up but like caring about your welfare so much that he just kinda watches you with your ex?#cause he’s seen you in the hospital for weeks/months and knows how shit it’s been for you? how sad and lonely you’ve been #and he missed seeing you happy— even if this time it’s at the hands of another man #but he subtly leaves you gifts like your favourite flowers???#like maybe it sparks something inside you? because you tell everyone your favourite flowers are roses #but you find fresh tulips on your bedside table each morning after he visits? and it like grabs at something at the back of your mind???#or he brings you coffee and he’s somehow the only one that gets it right??? but it’s something you’d never order?#like you ask for oat milk but he brings it with coconut milk and it just tastes better? and you’re like I didn’t even know I liked this???#and your ex is just like ‘she likes oat milk’ like MATE NO WE DO NOT #I WILL EAT THIS UP WITH A SPOON AND WOLF IT DOWN YOU HAVE NO IDEA

45 notes · View notes

lauransoverthinking · 1 year

Text

Currently overthinking: how obsessed some of fandom is with the idea of punishment for the sake of punishment, instead of learning from mistakes, and how the Jedi are very clearly team learn and grow.

The most “punishment” thing I can think of that we see the Jedi do is assigning Ahsoka to archives duty, but that is clearly meant as ‘get you off the front lines and have you reflect on your actions’ time, not so much a true punishment.

Where we see the Jedi go hard on proclaiming their allegiance to team learn and grow is Dark Disciple (if you haven’t read and don’t want to be spoiled, turn back now because I am about to spoil the shit out of that book).

Vos falls.

Not just dabble a little in the dark side falls.

Falls and pledges himself to Dooku and kills Jedi and clones.

Jedi Knight Kav Bayons

Jedi Knight Akar-Deshu

They died because of Vos.

It can be argued it was unintentional (Vos shoved Deshu into Bayons causing Deshu to sting Bayons. Losing his stinger also would have killed Deshu, but Vos killed him first) but that doesn’t change the fact that Vos is responsible for the deaths of two Jedi, as well as the clones killed in his escape with Dooku (catch me being forever salty over the unnamed clones who die).

He goes by Admiral Enigma and terrorizes the GAR for months.

When the story resolves and Vos returns to the light, do we see him thrown in prison? Executed?

No. We don’t see either of those things.

We see the council intentionally obfuscate and hide these facts from the military (because the military does love punishment and executions).

We see Vos confined to the temple while he heals.

We see Master Yoda spend extra time with him to ensure he rehabilitates successfully.

We see a probationary period to determine if he has really came back to the light.

This is extra important because earlier in the story we saw him return to the Jedi and fool them (some of them, Master Windu was so suspicious of him because Master Windu is a smart smart person)!

And yet, they still believed that he could return to the light and should be given that opportunity.

And he does! He comes back. And he resumes his role in the war. And when everything falls apart he continues trying to help.

And he gets that opportunity because the Jedi do not believe in punishment as justice the way some do.

Repentance and growth. That is the Jedi.

And yet, every day, I see people trying to set the Jedi up as enforcers of prison terms and executioners, because they don’t think people got what they ‘deserved’ in canon.

But that is all a gross misrepresentation of the Jedi.

Ahsoka’s trial and possible execution was not the way the Jedi would have proceeded- it was the GAR and the Republic. Which is probably why the GAR ensured the Jedi couldn’t handle it themselves - there would have been no justice theatre and no blood.

It is not pro-Jedi to insist on punishment and retribution as justice. At its heart, punishment is revenge. And revenge is not the Jedi way.

#dark disciple spoilers #pro jedi #jedi council #the wrong jedi #quinlan vos #master yoda #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #ahsoka tano #I could go on forever about the parallels Vos offers #the way the Jedi handle him shows completely how the Jedi would have handled Ahsoka if they had the choice #the way Obi-wan defends him shows how much he regrets not defending Ahsoka #how him returning to the light must always be on Obi-wan’s mind as he hopes Anakin will do the same #his story is fascinating and adds such nuance and depth to the gffa #more Quinlan content please and thank you

1K notes · View notes

ace-and-the-rpg-horrors · 3 months

Text

the most relatable PJSK side character is Hibiki Miyake because if i was in the same class as Rui Kamishiro, i too would secretly admire his skills and badly want to talk to him but be too social disaster to and then need my two friends watching from a distance for emotional support when i finally scrape up the courage to invite him into our friend group

#do. do you reckon he regrets his hesitance SO much when he realises how lonely Rui's been #ace's random thoughts :)#project sekai #pjsk #hibiki miyake #rui kamishiro #prsk #proseka #pjsekai

61 notes · View notes

mommyclaws · 5 months

Note

Opinions on Leopardstar? I haven't read leopardstar's Honor yet, not sure what happens there, but I've heard it's somewhat disappointing.

I was always somewhat angry that she never really mentioned Tigerstar after the whole Tigerclan thing, and we never really got to see how she felt about the whole thing, just that the people she sent to die really didn't like her.

A Shadow in Riverclan also kinda did the same thing where she gave a little pep talk and suddenly everything was ok for Feathertail, after she had horrible ptsd from Leopardstar

I want to like her but she's such a nothing character imo to actually have an opinion on because I think she was done pretty dirty, as Riverclan and her weren't really the focus of the series for so long

I consider myself a Leopardstar fan. I’ve been wanting to talking about my feelings/view on her for a while so i’ll put all my thoughts here!

The direction they took with her in canon is dissatisfying but she has alot of groundwork that gives her interesting potential. Her father is a medic- formerly warrior- who changed his position because he is against violence. She turns into everything Mudfur wanted to escape from. Too proud, itching for a battle, apathetic to the suffering of the other clans. And even if it was a let down, I can appreciate the authors at least tried to do more with her character than let her off the hook as easily as Blackfoot.

I like her mostly in comparison to my dislike for Blackstar's character. He teamed with Brokenstar and Tigerstar, committed murders and didn’t protest to the abuse of his own clan. He does nothing to atone and doesn't even seem particularly remorseful but he's still rewarded by being made leader. Leopardstar was already in power when she made the decisions that cost cats their lives. Cats trusted her to protect them and her neglect threw them into savagery and death. Standing by to allow kits and her own deputy be slaughtered is GRUESOME. I read her as someone blinded by ambition, just another product of the code. She misjudged then got in over her head with Tigerclan and was willing to toss others aside to save her own tail. Maybe she truly is remorseful, but it doesn't change what she did. Nothing can.

Crookedstar's leadership was very relaxed and she considered him weak. He gave up land to Shadowclan, he could never keep Sunningrocks, he allowed Thunderclan to take refugee on multiple occasions, and all of the half clan cats he accepts are seemingly only because they're his kin. She had thoughts of making Riverclan powerful and feared once he was out of the picture, it's why she completely disregarded his dying wishes- She couldn't bring herself to respect him.

The politics of Riverclan change drastically with her nine lives. Closed borders and no tolerance for Thunderclan, not even Graystripe, who only wanted to be with his kits. Riverclan is strong. But it could be stronger, couldn't it? She and Tigerclaw served as deputies together, even if he was the enemy, she thought well of him. He is a fierce and respected Thunderclan warrior. Or so he was. While she initially thought it a red flag he was now serving Shadowclan, she couldn't disagree with him for leaving Thunderclan when she already had so much resentment for them and ruling Shadowclan, it was true. They had been weaken for many moons, it was Tigerstar who reunited them and made them powerful. So when he promises to make her clan just as powerful, together, she doesnt refuse.

She very consistently and vocally had a dislike for half-clan cats. She exiled Graystripe. She calls Featherpaw and Stormpaw liabilities. She banishes Stormfur and Brook. I think she has very genuine hateful beliefs but at the same time she’s horrified at what happened to Stonefur. That was a cat she was trusting to become the next leader of Riverclan. And he was killed for defending innocent lives. She knows she was wrong, she regrets it, she has nightmares about the bonehill. (<- This was confirmed by an author apparently!) but her attempts to “atone” are surface level and shallow at best. She wants to be forgiven without changing. She makes Mistyfoot deputy to show she’s better now, but what meaning does that position have after Stonefur was slaughtered? She apologizes to Feathertail and Stormfur, but they still feel like complete outcasts. They’re more friendly with their former clanmates in Thunderclan and Leopardstar later exiles Stormfur over a faked sign. I think her attempts were never to better herself or right her victims, but to relieve her own guilt. She’s always prioritized herself above others.

#Short answer? I like her as a complicated DISlikable character #people can do bad things they regret and still be a bad person #I think her leadership is interesting because despite how much she doesn’t deserve it- shes the leader. she gets to stay the leader.#and continues to make bad choices sprinkled with few and far between moments of apology #because she feels more sorry for herself and her guilt than the cats affected by it #warrior cats #txt #Leopardstar #infodump tag #thanks for the ask! you get. giant paragraph

68 notes · View notes

insertsomthinawesome · 4 months

Text

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

#isa screams #long post #gif #flashing #i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG #I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange?#its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though #I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly #but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do #its a tricky thing #but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay #if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG #thanks if you read this! I appreciate it!#I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express.#But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak #And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right?#And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get #part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions #am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am #I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life.#But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)

56 notes · View notes