Sometimes you just gotta write 1500+ words of a resignation letter you will never send because your employer has done something that is so beyond the pale that you have to let it out somewhere.

Do I buy the FOB shirt on etsy to make myself feel better..?

"So what do you do at work?"

I try to help people, I do things, I mess up, and then spend an hour or two talking myself down from quitting the moment things go wrong. Which is often because I suck at my job.

I don't quit because I need to feed myself and pay rent, but then end up being unable to do much at home because all my mental energy is spent doing the Personal Maintenance And Encouraging Self To Do The Hard Things.

I compare my job to an arranged marriage but that would be dishonest, since I fully chose to be here. This is more like a relationship which feels like a constant 1 step forward, 2 steps backwards. I am grateful the people around me are so patient. I am doing what I can but it is so very often not enough.

I wanted to be a writer, but then chose to work as a scientist in a very strict field. Internally, the failures are eating me up inside and I want to leave but I can't I don't know how to do anything else and I am desperate inside. If I leave, then I owe the company every penny they gave me to relocate. I would have to move back home and I know that that would be worse. At least here I could be independent and have some form of stability. I am saving money for a car and that has been slow-going as the pay is adequate but not great. I am saving up every dollar each month like wax and feathers for wings off of a tower and it never feels like it would be enough.

So every day, I go to work, I drink tea as I comb through emails and documents and then head off into the lab and find temporary calm through the movement of my hands in the middle of making something. If my mind is troubled I make stupid mistakes. When I make stupid mistakes my mind is troubled more and then I spiral. I breathe deeply. I spend money at the vending machine to eat the edge off my emotions. I scrawl half-formed poems on some index card or post-it note away from sight. I lament that my emotions ruined everything.

I begin to wonder if I simply am not made for this line of work. But what AM I made for then? Where would I go? Where could I go that would not crush me within?

It is always a relief to come home, but such a reckoning I am forced to make. Then I prepare lunch for tomorrow, get ready to go to bed, and then fall asleep. And then wake up to start the cycle again.

So yeah, that's what I do for work.

i’m burdened with the strife known as going to work today

I can’t believe it is Tuesday (derogatory)

hhghhhhhhhhhh i don’t wanna go to school

This week has been too fucking long already

Do you guys notice how when Shawn Fain, president of the United Auto Workers union, started planning a general strike, he did it by a) targeting his messaging towards unions with the ability to safely and effectively strike in large numbers, b) laid out a clear, actionable plan for those unions to follow (setting contracts to all expire at the same time, since many unions cannot strike while under contract), c) is using union contracts to set clear, actionable demands that can be met in order to gauge success and provide an end goal, and d) started organizing FOUR YEARS before the proposed strike date to give people the chance to plan accordingly, because it takes a really freaking long time to get tens of millions of people organized?

You notice how he didn't do it by slapping a message on Twitter saying 'hey nobody go to work on Monday, that'll really show 'em'?

good morning ❄️

maybe I should just fuck this assignment and reread the brief lives arc of the sandman just to feel something. what if I am the slacker on a group project for once.

I'm so tired today 😭

I keep saying it's been a long week and it's only Tuesday.

such a shame that edmure hasn't yet gotten to meet the only member of his family truly proud of his great victory of the stone mill. so proud she even believed he could destroy tywin on an open battlefield too! ofc if she knew robb/catelyn/brynden blackfish's opinion on all that, she'd no doubt be influenced by her mother's and big brother's thoughts of the uncle she hadn't met before, but it's not like either is in any position to tell her now. maybe that's the one silver lining of the rw, if/when edmure and arya there's nothing to stop her congratulating him on his defeat of tywin lannister.

Man TOWERS over her

HOW IN THE NAME OF FUCK IS IT ONLY TUESDAY????? I EXPECTED TO WAKE UP AND HAVE IT BE FRIDAY BY NOW IM GOING INSANE.