#how fucking sad does someone have to be to contemplate that.
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genuinely didn't think I'd make it to 18 let alone 22 so now I'm looking around like..... Now What
#diary#um. sad rant i guess dont read if you're not in the headspace to take in negativity#i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like crying all the time and I'm always tired no matter how much i sleep and i love my family bu#sometimes i wish i just lived alone and didn't talk to anyone. i hate talking about my problems i hate everything about it#i dont want to be here. but i dont know where to go or how to move forward. i want to live but i dont really have that option#i feel so stuck right now.#i would say more but it would get sad really fast so I'll write it down maybe. or listen to some sad music and cry it out#genuinely thought about running away to like. Switzerland earlier. like i was looking up flights and everything#how fucking sad does someone have to be to contemplate that.
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Steve ends up heartbroken, lonely and depressed after season 2. Nancy called him bullshit, even after he ditched all his old friends for her. Billy Hargrove took his spot at the top of the food chain. He can have it, Steve doesn't really want it anymore. But Steve does want to find some sort of connection. Someone to have in his life who isn't an 11 year old kid he barely knows. He tries to go on a date one night, take a nice-seeming girl to a party. He wants to find connection, to kill the loneliness that's been building for months, but just as he's feeling kind of good about things, his date ditches him.
So. He decides to drink his feelings. He gets majorly fucked up, and ends up laying on the ground in the backyard, contemplating how much life seems to hate him.
Only to literally get tripped over by Eddie Munson, who was at this party selling pot and is very confused as to why Steve Harrington is alone on the ground with a bottle of vodka clenched in one hand.
Eddie ends up chatting a little with Steve, nothing substantial, but enough to know that Steve is very very drunk, and also very very sad.
He asks if Steve wants to go back to the party, and Steve staunchly refuses. He doesn't want to be around a bunch of annoyingly happy people.
He asks if Steve needs a ride home, and Steve just kind of shrugs. His parents just left for another trip, so home is kind of depressing right now too. But he doesn't exactly have any other friends he can stay with so. Home it'll have to be.
Only Eddie can *tell* he doesn't really want to go home, though he has no idea why Steve wouldn't want to return to his veritable mansion after a shitty night. The reason doesn't matter much. He offers to let Steve crash at his place. Steve can take the couch, or hell he can stay in Eddie's room if he doesn't mind sharing, that way he wouldn't risk being woken up when Wayne comes home that morning.
And well, Steve agrees. Can't think of any reason not too. Munson has been nice so far, he's got a good easy-going energy that Steve likes. Why not stay the night.
By the time they get to Eddie's, Steve is *slightly* more sober. Not much, but he's slurring his words a little less, and he can walk with only a little help.
Eddie grabs them each a little plate of leftovers, because he has no idea if Steve's eaten at all. It's quiet while they eat, Eddie doesn't push Steve to talk, and Steve isn't sure what to say. Eventually Eddie sets the plates aside and give Steve an easy grin.
"So, do you want the couch, or are you crashing with me?"
Steve thinks about it for a while. He hasn't shared a bed with a guy-friend since he was a kid, and he's heard rumors about Eddie, whispers in the hall about the way he looks at other guys. But...Steve can't really bring himself to care. He's tired, and he really doesn't want to be alone.
"I don't mind sharing."
Eddie sets them both up in his room, letting Steve choose which side of the bed he wants, and they both settle in. There's a respectable distance between the two of them, and Eddie says a quick goodnight to Steve, figures they won't talk and just go right to bed.
Except Steve isn't sober, and he really isn't in a good headspace, so he can't stop himself from blurting things out into the quiet of the dark room.
"Are you really gay?"
Eddie stiffens next to him, he can feel it, he can hear the way that the other boys breath cuts off and he seems to stop breathing all-together.
"It's okay if you are, I'm not going to be an asshole about it, I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. I guess I was just curious."
It's quiet for another beat before Eddie seems to loosen just a little. He starts breathing again at least.
"Yeah I uh- I am. Gay. And if that's weird the couch is still open, I can-"
"It's not weird."
"Okay."
Steve let's himself mull over this confirmation, and then his mouth starts moving again, without his permission.
"Is it lonely? Cause I mean, it's got to be hard to date in Hawkins. People here are shitty. Unless you've got like, a secret boyfriend or something."
"No...no secret boyfriend. It does get a little lonely sometimes. I'm lucky though, I've got my uncle, and my friends are pretty great. That's enough most days."
"What do you do when it's not enough?"
"Hmmm?"
"When your uncle and friends aren't enough, what do you do? To try and...make it better?"
Eddie is quiet again for a long stretch before he shrugs.
"I try to focus on something else. I'll play my guitar or work on a new campaign, read a book. Something to take my mind off it."
"Oh."
Now Steve is the one who seems tense, his jaw is tight and he's got his arms wrapped around himself. His next words come out as a whisper, but Eddie manages to catch them.
"I don't know how to do any of that."
He sounds almost choked, and Eddie is caught off guard. He's never seen Steve Harrington as anything other than solid, as happy. He's the king, after all. He's supposed to be all smiles and great hair. Only...Eddie's noticed that he hasn't hung out with his old friends lately, that he's eaten alone at lunch too many times to be anything other than strange.
"Steve...are you lonely?"
Eddie expects a denial, for Steve to laugh it off and tell Eddie that he's perfectly fine and fulfilled. Or maybe he expects a shrug, a non-answer. What he doesn't expect is the gut-wrenching sob that seems to tear past the other boys lips.
He doesn't expect to turn and see Steve Harrington's face, a scant foot from his, shining with tears.
He panics a little at the sight.
"Fuck- I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be." Steve tries to wipe his eyes, to hide the tremble in his voice. "Not your fault there's something wrong with me."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like I'm broken man, like nobody can stand to be around me. Tommy and Carol hate me now, Nancy- hell even my own parents hate being at home with me for more than a week. It's like I'm repellent or something. Couldn't even get a date to stick around for a whole night."
And Eddie's pretty sure *he* might start crying now. He'd never have expected this much from Steve, all that sadness to come pouring out. It wouldn't have happened if Steve was completely sober. Without thinking, he reaches out.
Eddie puts a hand on Steve's shoulder and waits to see if the touch gets rejected, but Steve seems to lean into him, so he lets his hand linger.
"This probably won't help, but I don't think you're repellent. And that's coming from somebody who your whole group used to torture. I don't know much about you, but I kind of liked having you around tonight."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Steve gives him a tiny smile. His eyes are still wet with tears, and the smile doesn't come close to reaching them. He seems impossibly small here in Eddie's bed.
"I don't know man. I just wish-"
He cuts himself off, apparently deciding his words are too far, but Eddie urges him to keep talking.
"What do you wish Steve?"
"I just wish that... there was somebody out there I could have a future with. Somebody who actually loved me, you know?"
It might be the saddest thing Eddie's ever heard, and he blames that fact for what he does next.
He takes his hand off Steve's shoulders and instead hauls Steve closer to him, fitting the other boy against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. It's a move that might get him decked, but he doesn't think it will. And he'll be damned if he doesn't hug Steve right that second.
He doesn't get hit. Steve tenses for a second, but it's just that one instant before he's melting into the embrace.
Eddie feels more tears falling against his shirt, and he couldn't care less. He keeps Steve close, let's him cry into his chest, runs a hand through that famous mop of hair.
He isn't sure how long it takes for Steve to calm down, but eventually he does. His breathing evens out, and he shivers a little before speaking.
"Thanks man."
And Eddie takes another leap of faith.
"I could be that person, you know."
"What?"
"I mean. You know Im... not straight. It may not be exactly what you're wanting but. I think I could picture a future with you. If you want to, just for tonight...I could be that someone who loves you."
Steve looks at Eddie, like he's a puzzle that he needs to solve, before a other shiver seems to wrack his body.
"Just for tonight?"
It comes out as a whisper, but Eddie hears it all the same.
"Yeah. For tonight Steve."
"I think...I think I'd like that."
Eddie gives him the sweetest smile he can muster, and nods.
"Alright sweetheart."
Eddie isn't exactly sure what it means, to love Steve for the night. After all, Steve is straight. He figures it doesn't matter much though, it's only for a night.
He keeps a hold on Steve, let's him get comfortable tucked against Eddie, and he does what feels natural. He runs a hand up and down Steve's spine, traces shapes into the soft fabric of his shirt. He tangles their legs together, and in a moment of insane bravery he presses a kiss to the top of Steve's head.
He's met with a sigh, full of relief, and figures he's on the right track.
"Just close your eyes Stevie, I've got you."
"Can you tell me about it?"
"Hmmm?"
"The future. You said you could see one. Can you tell me?"
And he asks so carefully, he sounds almost afraid, Eddie can't say no to that.
"Do you want the fantasy future, or the realistic future?"
"The real one."
"Alright then. Well, if I'm not going to be a rich and famous rockstar...I'll probably graduate and get a job somewhere in town. A real job, maybe working on cars or something. I'm good with cars. You'd come over all the time, have dinners with me and with Wayne. You'd have to meet Wayne. And we'd have more nights like this, sleeping close."
Steve let's out a pleased sounding hum, and shifts his face so it's buried even closer in Eddie's neck. He can feel Steve's breath on him.
"We could save up money and get a little place together, somewhere outside Hawkins. I have to stay kind of close, for my uncle, but maybe Indy?"
Steve nods, mutters something about staying close 'just in case'. He sounds like he might fall asleep, so Eddie keeps going.
"We could get an apartment, nothing too fancy. We would get two rooms, so nobody gets suspicious, but we would share a bed most nights. I'd play with my band on weekends, just for fun, and you'd join some little local sports team. I'd make sure to schedule DND nights so that I never miss a single game, even though I don't understand a damn thing about sports. We would come home for holidays, but most of the time it would just be us. I'd take good care of you, make sure you never go more than a few hours without me telling you I love you. I'll show up wherever you're working just to give you a hug and a kiss, and make sure you don't forget it. And I'll annoy the hell out of, but you won't mind too much, because I'll make you happy too."
Eddie can think of more. He can think about so many things. How he could give Steve one of his rings, even if they couldn't legally get married, even if Steve would never want that. Just as another reminder that he's loved. They could take trips together and go out to parties where Steve will never have to worry about getting ditched. Eddie doesn't do things halfway, and he has a hell of an imagination. He could picture them growing old together, if he tried, if he let himself. But this is just for tonight, so he doesn't. Instead he runs a hand through Steve's hair again, and listens to his quiet breathing. He thinks he may have fallen asleep, but he's wrong.
"That sounds nice."
It comes out muffled, spoken into Eddie's neck, but he manages to make it out, and he let's the vibration of it sink into his skin.
*It's only for tonight.*
He has to remind himself, because Steve is just feeling lonely. He doesn't want that future with Eddie, he just wants to feel loved.
But even if it's just pretend, just to help Steve for a few hours, he's okay with that.
Steve may think he's broken, but Eddie thinks he would be easy to love for a long time. Loving him for one night is nothing. He doesn't even have to try.
Tomorrow Steve will wake up sober, and he'll thank Eddie for letting him stay over, and they won't talk about it. Eddie will drive Steve back to his car in silence, and they'll say their goodbyes. They may not talk ever again, they never had before.
But for tonight? Eddie Munson will love Steve Harrington, and Steve? He'll let himself be loved, let himself beleive it. And he'll love Eddie right back.
Just for one night.
And if Steve ever needs it again? Eddie will love him for another night. And Steve will give that love right back. He's got plenty to spare, after all. And there's far worse people he could share it with.
#steddie#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve harrington whump#steve is sad#eddie helps#pre-season 4#this takes place between seasons 2 and 3#I wrote this in a fit of insanity while I was supposed to be working#hope yall like it
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dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)
dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)
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synopsis: Logan writes a letter to help him manage his feelings, it does everything BUT manage feelings.
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pairing: logan sargeant x oscar piastri
w/c: 892
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a/n: this is day FOUR (lando's number) of loscar posts until we get a loscar podium!! some angst today!! might make this a series
very much inspired from https://archiveofourown.org/works/54754315
masterlist
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taglist:
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Logan crushes the sheet of paper and throws it into the pile of already crushed papers. He puts down the pen and cracks his fingers, again.
He’s been at this for hours and he hates it knowing he’s terrible at expressing himself and Oscar’s probably not going to even look at this.
Logan takes a deep breath once again and picks up his pen.
Dear Oscar,
I’m not very good at expressing my feelings but I’ll try my best.
I’ve missed you lately and I miss all our late night conversations, my nights feel empty without them. I miss our friendship and the very long conversations we had.
When you asked me how I was doing and I said “it’s been alright.” That was a blatant lie. I’ve been doing absolutely horrible. I haven’t seen a good day in months and every morning I ask myself why I’m doing this to myself, I ask if everything I left behind was worth it. Should I have given up?
I’m glad you’re doing well and winning trophies, I’ve never been happier for you. Remember when your rookie year was being compared to Hamilton’s? That was amazing.
Great, now he’s gone off track again, absolutely perfect. Logan’s pen left the paper again and he contemplated crushing this one up. He eventually decided against it and his pen tip touched the paper again.
He doesn’t know what he’s going to write anymore but he doesn’t care. He just wants to let his feelings out.
I hate how we don’t talk anymore. I hate how life has to pull its strings on us. I hate how we walk past each other as if we never knew each other. I’ve been trying my hardest, I really have.
I want to talk to you. I want to hear your voice again.
I’ve been making wishes on every shooting star I’ve seen and been throwing in a penny for every wishing well I’ve come across, just wishing you were my friend again, wishing that I could go back in time and relive those moments in PREMA.
I didn’t treasure those times enough.
Every single time I see any McLaren video, I stop and stare, imagining that it could’ve been you and I. Believe me, I love how you and Lando have developed one of the closest bonds ever and trust me, I think Alex is a perfect teammate.
But I just wish that we had another chance and I wouldn’t fuck it up this time. I really wish I did.
Every single time Lando calls you “Osc”, it makes me shiver just knowing that I could never be half the person Lando was. I do everything and risk it all just trying to be more like Lando or just someone who you would bother to look at
His mind flashes back to every single time he and Oscar have done anything together, watch movies, do stupid promotional videos, even sad times came back and made him wish he took those moments better.
He tears up slightly, but wipes his tears away before they spill onto the paper. Lando’s voice saying “Osc” rings in his head like an annoying bell which kills him slightly every time it repeats.
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
He slams his hand into the table, causing everything to jolt, even getting startled by his own actions. Logan isn’t even on Lando’s level, not even a quarter of the way there.
Lando’s better in every way, definitely much better teammate than Logan would’ve been.
His tears resurface but he doesn’t wipe them away this time, he lets them trickle down his cheek, cling on to his skin at his chin and finally drop down onto the paper, causing a stain.
More tears cause stains on the bottom part of the paper before Logan wipes them all away.
Please…
I miss you Oscar.
Regards
Love
Logan
He places the pen down and looks at the letter, which has tear stains, but Logan couldn’t care less. He puts the letter down and folds it neatly in half, slotting it into a brown envelope. He seals the envelope tight, wrinkling the paper from pressing too hardly.
He takes his pen up again and the tip floats above the paper.
He takes a few seconds before writing.
To: Oscar Piastri
His throat stings from crying. He didn’t even cry for that long but it hurts him. His own words repeat in his head like a knife twisting into his body.
He opens up Oscar’s chat on his phone, his last message being left on Seen.
3 weeks ago
Great race :)
He hasn’t even given Oscar a message for the Australian Grand Prix but Logan couldn’t care less.
His fingers hover over his keyboard.
Can we meet sometime soon?
He hesitates about sending it.
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
He turns off his phone and takes a deep breath.
He sits on his couch and leans back. The thoughts endlessly flying around in his head, like phantoms of his past haunting him again.
He closes his eyes and keeps them shut, imagining whatever makes him feel happy.
Oscar.
Oscar.
Oscar.
Osc.
The tears squeeze their way past his eyelids and slide down his cheek. It’s a devastating feeling.
He covers his head with a pillow and keeps his eyes tightly shut, crying himself to sleep.
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there will be a part 2 (hopefully)
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#f1#formula one#formula 1#f1 fandom#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#not beta read#loscar post#loscar#op81#ls2#williams racing#logan sargeant#landoscar#oscar piastri#williams f1#australia gp 2024#loscar angst#angst#f1 angst#there will be a part 2#lando norris#ln4#loscar fics#its platonic calm down
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Scorpio Placement Observations
(This picture doesn't belong to me in any way)
(I just typed whatever I've observed in people around me, so please take only what resonates)
(Also, these may apply to 8th house placements too. Tell me if it does)
SCORPIO MOON:
~Every time you're happy, you just can't help but think, "How long until it all crashes down?" It's like you invent your own problems, when there aren't any, and suffer in it until you think hard about what you're crying about and its bleh-bloh-bluh. Nothing.
~"Fuck, I don't even know whatever the hell I am crying about. It's just I want to cry. I feel so down". Then, you get sad about being sad all the damn time and ugh, it's the feedback loop from hell. (Subtle art of not giving a fuck- Mark Manson)
~Having this placement is like your own mind being your worst enemy. You, often, might find it hard to control the negative self talk inside your head. You might even picture, like the three people who shouldn't even matter saying harsh shit to you. Those are not real people, mate. That is your own mind.
~Even if everything in your life is going just fine, it'll keep reminding you how your past sadness felt like. It'll make you cry even if your life is perfect. (If you can call it that) It'll make you addicted to that dropping of your heart, chaos in your head, swirling tsunami of emotions inside you.
~I don't know why but this, of all planets, is the worst debilitated placement. Like your mind is what stays with you all the damn time. This doesn't make your mind weak, it just pushes it to overthink about even the tiniest of shits.
~I don't know if I am exaggerating at this point, but you might find it hard to shut your thoughts. The more you try to keep everything in your head silent, the more the voices scream.
"Are your okay? Are your fine?"
"NO I AM NOT, PLEASE STOP ASKING ME THAT" and still the voices in your head will keep repeating the above question.
~But, I've seen, most people who have this placement can read into what's going on in someone's head. They'll notice the tiniest of the smirks, the discreet glint in someone's eyes, the vibe of the whole damn room, that snarky tone of the nicest girl in class, everything. Even if you're a bad judge of people with this placement, you'll notice the red flags even before they show. The reason you fell for their facade is all because you ignored your gut and intuition. "Everything was pointing out how (someone) didn't have their best interest for me but god, I am such an idiot for not paying attention to it."
~To all Scorpio Moons out there, I am proud of you for making it everyday. This isn't an easy placement to have. Oh no wait, that's a rather humble way to put it. This is a challenging, hard, tough, formidable, rough, and what not placement to live with.
You're doing great, bud.🤍
~And people who do astrology, 70% of them are Scorpio Moons. I've seen this here on Tumblr, on Discord. It's crazy. Stereotype of Scorpionic Moon being heavily into occult sciences.
~Aaaand. You're all very secretive. You'll come out of the bathroom crying and nobody would know you cried. It's like only you know what you feel. You know the tsunami inside and everybody else is unaware of that fact.
SCORPIO MERCURY:
~I don't know why but this happens a lot with Mercury in Scorpio that they might be joking and everything and there are people laughing. Then suddenly, they say something, not even offensive, and someone takes such an offence over what they say, they'll spoil the Scorpio Mercury's whole vibe and mood.
~Like, they were just joking one second earlier and suddenly they're literally appalled and trying to contemplate how people can twist their words into something so ugly, which they didn't even meant or thought was possible to be thought of, AT ALL.
~After that, they'll just stop speaking much with anyone and shut up. I mean, they don't open up much. They don't. Even if they do, it's a faux persona. That's not the real them.
The real them is the one who tried opening up until shit happened (scenario above) and won't open up to you EVER AGAIN.
That plutonian death and rebirth.
Speaking your heart, getting hurt by people's reaction, ghosting everyone.
~Oh and this placement doesn't make you a loner. At all. Scorpio Mercury people have, generally, delivered me the juiciest gossip around, Or they don't know anybody's name except their one friend.
One, extremely social Leo Rising with Scorpio Mercury friend of mine knows every shit going around the school. Who fucked who, where, when and how long. He knows everything. He's the go-to person for supplying gossip (and vape?)
And then my extremely introverted Taurus Rising with Scorpio Mercury bestie, doesn't know anybody's name except me, her boyfriend, and our 2 other friends. I'll tell her how this girl screwed around her bestie's boyfriend and 10 minutes later, I'll show her, "Look, that's the bitch" and she'll be like "What bitch? Who are we talking about?"
...
I didn't go to school for a month and asked her for gossip and the only thing she came to know was what I already knew 2 months earlier and I DID TELL HER THEN, but she forgot. Pfft.
~Ah shit, I forgot. You are splendid writers. The way you write those raw emotions, fuck, I'm scarred already. It's like beautiful and heart breaking at the same time.
~And you all cuss a lot. It's fun though, ain't it?
~Also, you're just as secretive, aren't you? Your emotions are just for you and your writings to feel.
SCORPIO VENUS
~I mean. Step on me already, please. How are you so hot? Even if you are super possessive of your lover and possibly want to kill the guy they were laughing with 5 minutes ago, I love you, Scorpio Venus.
~I haven't met many Scorpio Venus people honestly. I wish I had. But so many celebrities have this in their sidereal charts and man, they're goddamm gorgeous. Katy Perry, Billie Eilish, Kendall Jenner, Sarah Hyland, Alexa Demie, Nina Dobrev, Rita Ora, and so many more. Look at them closely, they aren't just gorgeous or beautiful, they have an intense look on them. Masters of Siren eyes. Their faces have a kinda shadowy look, you know. Oh and this is in Sidereal, not tropical.
(Legit had to calculate everyone's chart one by one 'cause google got no shit)
~No hate to Tropical, you all. It's just I prefer Sidereal for certain reasons. More so now that I know that Leonardo Dicaprio is a Scorpio Venus in Tropical and no way is that happening. (He's got a fkn Libra Stellium of Sun, Venus, Mars, Mercury and maybe even Moon in Sidereal and I'm drooling)
~So, back to Scorpio Venus. I haven't really noticed Scorpio Venus having commitment issues generally? I mean if you have, that's absolutely fine. It's just what I've noticed in my conversations with a few Scorpio Venuses.
~They define passion. Maybe I'm stereotyping, but come on, Scorpio is ruled by Mars (Or Pluto) There's got to be some passion. Or a lot of passion rather. Mhmm. Don't give me those bedroom eyes, I'll submit to you, Master.
~Jokes aside. I gotta ask you this. Scorpio Venus, are you of the opinion that sex is not just for pleasure, but a divine linkage of two souls? A connection, a bond, a higher form of spiritual act in itself?
Sex might not be everything, but it is very important to you if things are to work for you and your partner?
~You're not into casual relationships, fuck and fly BS, least likely to have a threesome. I've seen this with Capricorn Venuses too. They don't like sharing their loved ones at all. (Sextiles, y'know)
Super Loyal Lovers- Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn. (Always)
~Oh and, wear more black. It's your color after all. Black, Purple, these shades bring out your eyes more, or your features are highlighted. And you can totally be seductive without meaning to. You don't even try, it just, its a part of you. (Envious totally)
~And please, you're definitely not extreme, or too much. Maybe for Sagittarius or Libra Venus, idk, you could be, or maybe not, since these signs take it slow and are open to experimenting more, you're absolutely perfect in the way you love. Just, take it easy sometimes too. Intensity all time isn't fun, don't you think?
~OH. Steer clear of obsessive people. Scorpio Venuses attract a crazy lot of lovers often, which are an handful ofc. And also, be conscious of jealous friends. Man, one of my friends has this and her bestie was so insecure and jealous, she went on to screw the Scorpio Venus's ex bf just to prove that she's just as pretty as her. Ugh. Petty.
~Also, please don't give so much of yourself to anyone that there's nothing left for you. You love too much and not everyone deserves it. Hook up culture ain't for you, just don't put your heart in a place where it's left to dust and forgotten.
~You're secretive too, right? Nobody would know you're in love and inside you could be doing backflips and somersaults, totally lovesick.
#astrology#sidereal astrology#astro notes#vedic astrology#astrology tumblr#sidereal zodiac#horoscope#birth chart#sidereal chart#vedicastrology#astrology notes#astro community#astro observations#astrology observations#scorpio#scorpio moon#scorpio mercury#scorpio venus#pluto#sidereal scorpio#scorpio stellium#scorpio horoscope#scorpio celebrities#debilitated moon#mars#8th house#8th house moon#8th house mercury#8th house venus#astro posts
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Bruh i think I gave Eren too much rizz, he's supposed to be bad with girls, BUT MIKASA JUST BRINGS IT OUT IN HIM!!
Mikasa is lingering in the Purdy’s chocolate line nervously, mulling over her purchases, to buy or not to buy.
She’s a ball of nerves as a group of university aged guys slinks into the store, eyeing up last minute Valentine's Day chocolate purchases just like herself.
The only difference is that their chocolate are probably for their girlfriends… not their moms.
She should feel more embarrassed than she does, but Mikasa only clutches the container of candy hearts a little closer to her chest, she has nothing to be embarrassed about.
She loves her mom!
And well, she nervously eyes up her other purchase, a rather expensive and rather large box of assorted chocolates that she’s bringing to a Pal-Entines party tonight.
She cringes internally at the name, stepping another spot ahead in line.
They’re not the best plans she could have, but at least she’s not sitting home by herself writing fan fiction like a loser.
Although the thought does sort of appeal to her because her nerves are going to devour her whole as she steps up to the counter, placing her spoils for the shopkeeper to ring up.
She’s been invited to the Pal-entines day party by someone who is definitely not a palentine, she’s still unsure if that’s a word.
She’d been invited by none other than her current situationship, Jean, a very tall, somewhat good-looking if not a little horse-faced guy she’d met in her political science course.
And now here she is, contemplating every life decision she’s ever made as the Purdy’s chocolate employee judges her silently over the cash register.
Mikasa taps her credit card against the debit machine sheepishly, taking her purchases before the employee can make some sort of snide comment about leaving things to the last minute.
She needs to get the hell out of the mall, she’s already seen several men in business suits walk by with oversized teddy bears or bouquets, and she can’t have the sadness of her romantic relationships shoved under her nose any more today.
So, Mikasa heads off, jetting out of the mall and towards a party she doesn’t really want to go to, but really, how bad could it be?
It’s definitely not great, to say the least.
So far, the event is mostly composed of Jean’s male roommates, Connie, Armin and the third one who is conspicuously absent.
There are exactly two girls at the palentines day party, and she is one of them, Connie’s childhood best friend Sasha is the other.
Mikasa awkwardly throws back another swallow of her cheap tasting solo cup beer because she fucking needs it if she’s going to get through this night.
Jean keeps reassuring her that more people will come, that he invited more girls, that it’s still early yet.
But he’s been saying that since she got here an hour ago, and the longer she waits the less true it feels.
There is a pizza, and Connie and Armin are nice, friendly, and she actually does like Sasha, she’s really cool, so it’s not the worst party she’s been too.
But it’s still not great, made even worse by the fact that this seems to be Jean’s introduction of her to his friendgroup as perhaps a bit more than a situationship and Mikasa isn’t sure how to feel about it.
His palm rests on her lower back as he makes some joke to Armin about their third roommate, something about him definitely not having a date on Valentine’s day.
Mikasa laughs where she should, cringes into her beer when Jean’s hand skims just a little too low over the curve of her ass to rest there.
She is saved from an awkward removal by the door opening to reveal a surprisingly large group of people.
“Sorry we’re late, Ymir got lost,” A tall man’s boy’s voice booms through the small apartment and Jean visibly slumps in relief.
The tall blonde man, Reiner she learns is followed by an equally tall dark-haired boy named Marco, a small blonde girl with pixie like features they call Historia and a lanky freckled girl who she assumes must be Ymir.
They settle into the apartment easily and Mikasa thinks that maybe Jean’s friend group isn’t so bad at all, that maybe she could see herself fitting in with these people, although maybe not as Jean’s girlfriend, she’s still not sure.
He’s cute and all, and the way he keeps smiling at her is endearing, but she’s just not sure if there’s a spark, not sure if it’s right.
“Where’s Eren?” Historia asks from beside Mikasa, where she’s been excitedly cooing over her outfit and how pretty her hair is, Mikasa finds she quite likes the blonde girl, she’s very sweet.
Mikasa looks around curiously, did she miss someone?
Jean squeezes her bicep affectionately as he notices her stare, before tugging her under his arm, “He’s out getting snacks, but I sent him to the grocery store a while ago he should be home by now.”
Ymir cackles, wiggling her eyebrows, “Maybe Yeager is getting some Valentine’s Day action after all.”
Jean scoffs, “No way, not Eren.”
The group around her laughs, an inside joke she’s not a part of, and Mikasa’s lips pucker into a pout, who is this boy, and why does his friend group think he’s so bad with women?
She gets her answer about ten minutes later. She’s awkwardly lingering in the kitchen near the door as she refills her solo cup with red Valentine's Day punch when the door opens beside her, and she yelps a little as the handle digs into her back.
A boy appears, and it is at that moment that Mikasa experiences true love.
“Shit I’m sorry,” A deep gravelly voice hums from behind her, and there’s a hand on her waist steadying her as he kicks the door shut.
Mikasa turns curiously, figuring this must be the infamous Eren, and it feels like time stops.
He’s handsome, too handsome to be in this crappy little apartment on Valentine's Day, if you ask her he should be in her bedroom, taking her clothes off…with his teeth.
At the very least, he should be out taking some other girl’s clothes off, he’s too good-looking to be here at a mostly singles party on Valentine’s Day. He’s well-muscled, broad shouldered and wearing little more than a black-t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats that Mikasa thanks god for.
This is the guy everyone has been making fun of all night, this is the boy that's not good with girls?
He bites his lip, his gaze dragging down her form and a thrill goes through her as he checks her out, beautiful green eyes roving over the curves of her waist, the swells of her breasts and finally she’s thankful she wore this low-cut t-shirt.
Like he can’t help himself, his hand dips over her waist, a fleeting touch, and before she can say more, he’s tugging her shirt up just enough to expose the taut skin of her stomach.
His touch is like a zap of electricity, thousands of volts shooting through her all at once, rough pads of his fingers skimming over her stomach, up her rib cage, stopping just shy of the line of her bra.
“Did I hurt you?” He questions curiously, his mouth quirking into a little smirk because he fucking knows what he’s doing to her, there’s no way he doesn’t know.
A little sigh escapes her as he drags his fingers back down her side and this time lingering over the waistband of her jeans, and fuck she hasn’t even spoken to him yet and already he owns her.
She struggles to respond, her mind focused wholly on that hand, his thumb now caught in her belt loop, the rest of his fingers rubbing affectionately over her hip, perusing for bruises that won’t appear just yet.
“I’m okay,” She finally struggles out, bringing her eyes up to his and shit he’s so pretty, too pretty, a strong nose, sharp jawline and those eyes, green eyes that could consume her whole soul and she’d let them.
“You sure?” He asks again, making zero move to remove his hand from its spot on her waist and Mikasa nods weakly in return.
“Good,” He hums, “Sorry I wasn’t expecting to find a pretty girl in my kitchen, and Jean’s an idiot I don’t know why he put the punch right there.”
Mikasa shrugs before taking a long pull of said punch, just to take the edge off she promises herself, there’s no way she’s going to make it through this without alcohol.
“I’m Eren,” He introduces himself, finally moving his hand away, but not without an affectionate squeeze to her hip and Mikasa inhales sharply, he has such big hands and he’s so warm.
“Mikasa,” She replies, almost in a daze, as she sticks her hand out for a shake.
Eren’s expression puckers up into a pout as he takes her hand in his own, and fuck does he have nice hands, warm and calloused and so much larger than her own, god the things he could do with those hands.
She represses a little shiver at the thought, because fuck yes his hands are really big and Eren is very tall, and judging by those grey sweats Eren is most definitely proportional.
“You're Jean’s girl,” Eren says, and it’s almost sad, mournful.
She’s quick to nip that in the bud right there, moving a little closer to him in their kitchen alcove, thanking her lucky stars they haven’t been seen yet.
“Sort of,” Mikasa tells him airily, and she’s very purposeful, moving her hand up to his forearm, silver eyes locked with emerald green, “We’re not exclusive.”
God, she hopes she hasn’t broken bro code just now, hasn’t acted like a complete and total whore, but fuck she wants this boy more than she’s wanted anything in her life, something about him is just electric.
Eren’s mouth pulls into a wicked smile that has her heart skipping several beats in her chest.
“Jean didn’t mention that.”
She shrugs innocently, he can do with that information what he will.
“A pretty girl like you, liable to get stolen from him, he should really do something about that.”
“He should,” Mikasa comments slyly, and they’re so close now, gravitating towards each other like magnets, his hands find her hips again easily, like they belong there, fitting perfectly over her sides, his fingertips just brushing the curve of her ass.
She takes another sip of her drink before shooting Eren a knowing smile, issuing her challenge, “Before someone else does the job.”
“I’ll make sure to let him know.”
“You should,” She tells him huskily, her voice teasing because she absolutely wants this boy to steal her away from her current situationship, Jean isn’t even a blip in her mind.
Eren’s eyes are on her mouth, caught on the pink of her tongue as she wets her lips, and before she knows it she’s leaning in, up just a little because he’s so much taller than her. Eren is leaning down too, and if she does kiss him in the front entryway of her sort of boyfriend’s apartment she wouldn’t care, it’ll be worth it.
But just as she leans up on her tip toes Eren pulls away, the rough hands on her waist pressing her down and planting her firmly to the floor.
“Where are you going?” She asks as he extricates himself from her, trying not to show her disappointment, pressing her lips together to stop her pout.
Eren smiles at her darkly before he gives her ass a swift smack that sends tingles of pleasure up her spine, the ‘slap’ reverberating in her ear, “Gonna let Jean know if he doesn’t get his shit together, it’s not his bed you’re gonna be in at the end of the night.”
Mikasa watches him go, lip bitten between her teeth and still holding her punch tight in her hand, “Shit.”
She is so, so fucked.
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We tend to contemplate Hob helping Dream over breakups and loving him right, but flip it.....
Hob loves hard and that doesn't work for many (no one just Dream, alway a YES from Dream) people. So Hob gets his heart smushed a bunch but he can always count on Dream.
And no one counts on Dream for comfort like, but, Hob --- Hob can sit with Dream in sad silence while Dream gives him his favorite drinks and cuddles; when Hob is running around having slutty feel better sex, he can go to Dream after (still smelling of other people and dripping lube) when the random sex doesn't actually make him feel better,,,,,not like being with Dream does.
No understands how Dream is so horrible with comforting others, but melts and is normal seeming with Hob.
Aww a sweethearted Dream who just wants to take care of his poor, himbo Hob! Like. Hob is so dumb. Such a precious little idiot. He doesn't ever quite seem to understand why he never makes much progress in his relationships, poor darling. He always laments that his boyfriends and girlfriends just don't seem to get him, or appreciate his romantic gestures. He'll look at Dream with his big brown eyes and ask for his advice, and Dream always tells him to follow his heart. It seems that generally Hob follows his cock more often than not. But... that is really because his heart already lies elsewhere.
Poor Hob. But he does so love it when Dream cuddles him and comforts him. He'll gently wipe Hob’s tears and tell him that he's the most wonderful person in the world. It gets to the point where Hob is eagerly anticipating his next breakup because he knows that he'll get lots of love and petting from Dream. Alas it doesn't occur to him that he could just... be Dream’s boyfriend.
He really needs someone to take him in hand, huh. To cup Hob’s sweet little face in his hands and tell him what a silly little creature he is. Maybe take him over the knee for a little spanking as a punishment for all that fucking around. I can't help but think that Dream would be the man for the job - if only because he's SO good at comforting Hob in his hour of need!
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Steve making the most pining, sad boy mixtape that he listens to on repeat. It's about his friend Eddie.
Eddie who is clueless about Steve's pining. Eddie who is the most tactile person he's ever met. So he's always slinging an arm around Steve or leaning on his shoulder during movie night. He'll run and jump on Steve's back for a piggyback ride or tackle him into the pool. It's slowly killing Steve because Eddie has no idea that Steve's in love with him.
In fact, for all the flirting Eddie does with Steve, the man has no idea he's even queer. 100 percent oblivious. Eddie has convinced himself that it's totally normal to flirt with everyone (he only flirts with Steve) and that it doesn't mean anything to cuddle your male friend on a regular basis (it means something) and poor Stevie is just suffering.
Maybe Eddie needs a ride one day because his van craps out, so he asks Steve to drive him to Indy and of course, the tape starts. after the first few songs Eddie's is having some thoughts. One, who the fuck is this tape about? Whoever it is, Steve clearly has BIG feelings for this girl. It makes Eddie feel like shit.
So he just keeps listening until he finally snaps and asks Steve who the chick is. Steve's confused, but Eddie presses further. He asks who the tape is about.
"What's her name? The girl you made this mix for?"
"There's no girl." Steve replies. His voice is tight like he's upset. Eddie would be so, so confused.
"Um, this is like some unrequited love pop music shit. Obviously you're in love with someone, so what's her name?" Eddie has to push.
Steve just tells Eddie to fuck off. They're both sorta pissed now. Eddie thought they were good enough friends that Steve would tell him. Steve can't have this conversation considering he's in love with his friend.
"Why won't you tell me her name...c'mon Stevie, I won't make fun of you. Is it Nancy again? Shitty considering she's dating Robbie. Tell me. Please. I'm dying to know who could have possibly inspired this mixtape." Eddie knows he's being an ass. He will get Steve to tell him.
Steve says nothing. Literally says nothing the rest of the way to Indy and back. It's not until they're pulling back into Hawkins that Eddie starts pestering again.
"Come on, dude. Who is this mystery girl you're so head over heels for? I mean literally, you put that song on there. Tears for Fears man, tell me, tell me, tell me-"
"It's not about a a girl. Shut the fuck up, man." Steve finally snaps. Eddie is just repeating over and over for Steve to tell him and it's annoying that he's so sure it's some girl.
"Then who?"
"I made the tape about you, asshole."
"What?"
"It's not some girl I'm in love with, it's you Eddie." Steve finally admits and he watches Eddie's face drop in horror. As Steve pulls up to Eddie's trailer, neither of them say a word. Steve is contemplating driving his car into a tree and Eddie is in shock. Because this cannot be happening, Eddie is straight and um, he definitely does not like Steve Harrington. Definitely isn't having a full fledged crisis right now.
"Man, I'm not... I'm not gay. I don't like you that way." Eddie finally tells him, refusing to meet Steve's eyes. Why does every word he just said feel like it's breaking Eddie apart too. He isn't sure he's being honest with Steve right now, but he cannot deal with this. He can't deal with the heartbreak all over Steve's face.
So Eddie gets out of the car and walks into his trailer. He doesn't look back or slow down. Steve is a second away from losing it. What was just pining is a rejection now. Worse than that, it feels like the whole world just fell down around Steve.
Despite how scared Steve was to tell Eddie, blatant rejection wasn't something he was worried about. Eddie flirted with him all the time. Always touching, always leaning into Steve's space. Calling him big boy or sweetheart. How could Steve have been so wrong? Eddie wasn't even into guys, let alone Steve. Eddie specifically said that he didn't like Steve that way. Eddie doesn't want him.
So, Steve listens to his sad mixtape and swears he'll move on even if that feels impossible.
Psst: read the follow up Moving On Pt. 1
#why do i love oblivious eddie so much#please write more if you'd like to anyone who reads this#i'd like to think that Steve 'moves on' and starts dating a nice guy only for Eddie to be like seriously jealous#but he refuses to deal with his big bi crisis and so he's just a dick#and steve and eddie get into a blowout screaming match because eddie rejected steve#why does eddie get to act like this once steve's finally kinda happy#and it can have a happy ending where eddie finally kisses steve in the rain and they live happily ever after#but lots of pining on both sides in the mean time#steddie#steddie angst#not edited so errors expected#Spotify
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Gen V and the V is for Vendetta Pt. 2
After the 15 minute walk back to the dorms from dusties the group parted ways. Marie accompanied Jordan to their room and just as they entered the room, door barely closed all the way Marie spun around in a fury.
“Jordan what the fuck was that?!” She asks.
“What the fuck was what Marie? Is it a crime to stand up and protect your girlfriend now? I’m so sorry for breaking the law. sad face mean it.” jordan says sarcastically.
Marie was annoyed by the earlier altercation but Jordan’s smart ass remarks were actually enraging her now.
“Jordan you don’t think about the consequences you can face. He is the deans son first off and second you know he pushes your buttons to get any kind of reaction in hopes to ruin your ranking and third you didn’t let me get a word in. I appreciate your need to protect me. It goes both ways but there are some battles you and I can fight ourselves.” Marie stated irritated.
Jordan stumbles “I-I know Marie I’m-“
“You’re what?!” Marie raised her voice from frustration.
“Jesus Christ Marie I’m sorry ok! You’re right but the way he was degrading you just sent me to another level. I couldn’t even think straight I was so fucking pissed.” Jordan confesses.
Marie sighs “I get it but he is my partner on a project. He’s someone I am going to have to work with. That should’ve been my moment to set him straight and lay down boundaries.”
“You’re right ok. I’m waving the white flag. I lost my temper and I need to do better.” Jordan says.
“Thank you that’s all I wanted.” Marie says reaching out to pull Jordan in for a hug.
Marie’s hands wrap around Jordan’s wider physical form and she rests her head under their chin.
Jordan pulled her in tighter and kissed the top of her head.
After a few beats of silence they ask “So does that mean we’re going to see him multiple days this week?”
Marie leans back and looks up to see Jordan’s head tilted to the side like they’re contemplating what days they have available to tag along.
“NO! You two literally just tried to kill each other. You need to be 100 feet apart at all times and I need you to trust me.” Marie says softly leaning in pressing her lips quickly to Jordan’s.
Jordan breaks the kiss professing “I do trust you. I have 100% faith in you but unfortunately it’s the entitled asshole I don’t trust.”
“Well do you want me to tell him the legendary story of how Rufus has to piss sitting down now?” Marie says grinning ear to ear.
“I’m going to be like hey! back off before that becomes you!” Marie says jokingly while lifting her hands in a defense position.
Jordan chuckles then pulls Marie in to whisper between kisses into her forehead and cheeks “you’re the most sweetest, prettiest, badass girl I’ve ever met. I don’t know how I got so lucky Moreau.”
~~~~
The next day Jordan woke up missing the presence of Marie next to them. They had rolled over and saw the sticky note Marie left on their pillow.
Hey sleepy head. Left early this morning for class. Miss you already! Meet for coffee at 11? Text me if that works 🖤 marie
Jordan couldn’t help but reread the note again with the dopiest smile. they then heard the pinging of their phone. Grabbing the vought phone they see it’s a message from cate.
Cate: Hey. Talk after our crime fighting class k. Don’t try to book it!
Greattttt they forgot about her wanting a talk with them about last nights shenanigans too.
Jordan rolled their eyes as they went through their closet focused on dressing their smaller frame. Ugh todays going to be a long one.
~~~~
Just as crime fighting let out cate had already caught Jordan before they could even leave the class.
“Ready for that talk?” cate asked surprisingly chipper.
“No” Jordan responded shortly.
“Well too damn bad. We can talk and walk.” Cate said.
As they take off into the narrow hallways Jordan sighs “whatever you’re going to say Moreau probably already beat you to it ok. I’m short tempered, It was her fight not mine, and be smarter about where I beat the dean’s son’s ass.”
“I almost agreed til the last part.” Cate grinned.
“Ok that wasn’t exactly what she said but how I would say it.” Jordan laughed.
“Jordan if I wasn’t there you could have got into serious trouble and honestly we potentially still could if his memory starts to come back or we missed erasing someone’s phone. You’re number 2. Telling you to be smarter is the nicest way of putting it. Don’t jeopardize your future because of jealousy or insecurity or whatever the hell it is. Ok?” Cate says with a serious tone.
“Yeah ok you’re right. It’s just I’ve never felt like this with anyone other than Marie. She gets everything about me and accepts me for me and well to be honest I can’t stand the thought of anyone disrespecting her or threatening what we have especially that little shit.” Jordan says releasing a deep sigh.
“Don’t tell Andre or Luke about this talk either.” Jordan sternly says. “I’m serious.”
“Ok ok no need to get worked up because Jordan Li s finally wearing their heart on their sleeve.” Cate teased. “I won’t tell a soul scouts honor.”
“You weren’t even a fucking Girl Scout.” Jordan says rolling their eyes with a grin as they walk off from cate to go meet Marie at jitterbean.
~~~~
As Jordan rounds the corner to get to jitterbean they immediately spot Marie in khaki cargo pants with a tan crop top and her locs in a half up half down style. Jordan could feel that stupid grin spreading on their face at the sight of her. The grin disappeared almost as fast as it had materialized when they realized who was next to her talking it up. Fucking Daxton. Jordan had to do a quick breathe in breathe out and remind themselves that Daxton doesn’t even remember the altercation they got in at Dustie’s. It still doesn’t help that they know he admitted he wants Marie but who wouldn’t she’s legit the hottest girl on campus, no scratch that in the world. Jordan releases a deep sigh remembering they promised Marie and Cate they would be on their best behavior with this world class jackass.
Jordan pastes the biggest fakest smile as they approach “Heyyyyy babe.” They say as they approach Marie and give her a kiss on the cheek. They side eye Daxton and leave it at that.
“Nice to see you too jordan.” Daxton says sarcastically.
“Heyyyy Daxton saw me in line and came over to ask about us scheduling times to meet. Glad I have a partner who doesn’t play about school work.” Marie says as fast as she can trying to cut the tension.
Before either one can reply Marie hurriedly says “But Daxton yes the library tonight at 6 works for me. I’ll see you then.”
Daxton’s eyebrows raise at the dismal. “Ok cool can’t wait for our study date.” He says smugly looking at Jordan before turning on his heels and heading off.
Jordan grits their teeth and involuntarily clenches their fist in annoyance.
“IT’S NOT A DATE GROW UP!” Marie exasperatedly shouts. “Jordan ignore him. He doesn’t remember the fight or anything he’s just being an ass.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? I don’t want him to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.” Jordan asks before pulling Marie in for a hug.
Marie returns the hug pulling Jordan’s more petite frame in tighter and giving a quick peck while trying to ignore the bystander’s who pulled out their phones to capture the moment.
“I’ll be ok weirdly he only acts like this when you’re around. I genuinely don’t believe he’s into me. I think it’s just to get under your skin and unfortunately he can tell it’s working.” Marie sighs.
“Marie I think you’re being a little naive on this one. The way he looked at you at the party was full of desire like the creepy guy at a gas station kind of desire. So fuck yeah it’s a little alarming.” Jordan says frowning.
“I don’t think I am and I can handle it. Ok?” Marie asks while nuzzling Jordan’s nose.
“Alright.” Jordan responded less enthusiastically.
MarieJordan your order is up!
Marie leads Jordan with intertwined hands to grab their orders.
“I’m glad I got to see you before my next class” Marie says leaning in for a kiss.
Jordan met halfway lips full of longing and want for this moment to never end.
Marie broke apart “ok I’ll probably see you tonight after my library session with Daxton.“
Jordan rolled their eyes “I’m serious babe if he steps one foot out of line let me know.”
Marie yells “I will! Promise!” As she turns to head to her next class.
~~~~~
It was 6:10pm. Marie had already found a table in the quiet section of the library and laid the notes for the project out. Daxton was 10 minutes late. Typical. Marie hears a sudden shuffling sound from behind. “Sorry I’m late” Daxton says as he pulls the chair out to sit in. He looked a bit more disheveled than normal. His normally slicked blonde hair more so resembled bed head and the bags were heavy under his eyes.
“Hey this might sound weird but is your memory kinda hazy from the party this past weekend?” Daxton asked hesitantly.
“I mean it was a party at dustie’s filled with alcohol and drugs. Whose memory isn’t hazy?” Marie says keeping her eyes on the papers sprawled out on the table.
Daxton hesitates “Yeah I guess —“
“Let’s focus. I don’t want to be here all night. We have 3 pages to fill with Who is an ethical hero and why.” Marie cuts him off trying to change the subject.
“Yeah ok sorry” Daxton mumbles.
~~~~
They were 2 hours in at the library and an hour away before the library would close.
“Daxton you have actually been tolerable and respectful. Why are you the complete opposite anytime Jordan’s around?” Marie asked inquiringly.
Daxton smirked then said with a shrug “I personally can’t stand their smugness and rude attitude. So I just give it back ten fold.”
“Yeah well Jordan has the right to be that smug they worked really hard to get to #2. The attitude is…well. They wouldn’t be Jordan without the attitude. Get over it and stop bringing me into you two’s bullshit rivalry.” Marie responds bluntly.
“I am sorry for that.” Daxton blushes in response.
Marie scoffs “that’s hard to believe.”
“No really. I-I mean you’re obviously attractive but I shouldn’t make you uncomfortable. You know the study date thing was a joke.” Daxton responds looking down.
“Well I didn’t find it funny. I’ll accept your apology if it never happens again. If it does happen again I’ll blow your balls off. Understand?” Marie asked staring Daxton down.
Daxton’s eyes widen and he stutters out “ye-yes damn Marie. I’m sorry.”
A familiar laugh rings out from the bookshelves nearby and all Marie could do was rub her head to try to help the headache this entire situation was giving her.
Daxton pushed back his chair to follow the laugh to find who Marie already knew it to be. Jordan Li whose face was bright red from trying to hold in their laugh with a book resting open against the highest shelf in their taller form.
“Really you’re this threatened by me?” Daxton said crossing their arms with a smirk. “I can’t blame you , I too would be threatened if my competition looked like…well me.”
“Fuck off dickhead.” Jordan spat.
Daxton cocked his head to the side with narrowed eyes “what did you just say?” He asked.
“You fucking heard me.” Jordan snapped.
“You-you’ve said that before.” Daxton mumbles in realization.
“Wha-“ Jordan starts before he is cut off from the mini fireballs Daxton sends flying at their face.
As Jordan’s arms go up in a defensive position they hear Marie’s voice ringing out “IN THE FUCKING LIBRARY??? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”
Notes: I was planning on this being only 2 chapters but it might wrap up in the 3rd chapter 💛
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oooh for blurb night (and if you've blurbed something like this already feel free to ignore!!) does lexi ever get subjected to any nastiness on social media or even in person? some of these fans take it a little too far, as we've all seen 😬
!!!!!!!!!! We have not talked about this yet. We talked about this with Emma. But we all know Lexi gets it and it’s bad. Nico does his best to protect her, but there is only so much he can do.
Lexi is unusually quiet tonight. At first, Nico didn’t think anything of it. She has been struggling since she quit her job, feeling like a “useless sack of potatoes” (her words) while flipping through various comedy shows trying to get a laugh. The truth is, she’s still grieving the loss of her special patient, and it’s going to take a long time until she moves through the process.
But this quiet tonight also comes with a distance that doesn’t sit well with Nico. He thinks of that as he wipes his hands off on the kitchen towel after finishing washing the knives from dinner. Then, he moves around the island to stand by her head in the living room.
“I’m gonna watch some film, unless you want to catch another episode of Gilmore Girls?” Nico asks, tugging her pony tail where it flops over the arm of the couch. She shakes her head no without looking at him. Nico sighs, coming around to squat in front of her. He examines her face, pursing his lips in sadness at how hollow her gaze looks. “Baby, I’m worried about you. What’s up?”
“Why are you with me?” Nico blinks back at her in surprise. He did not expect that question.
“What?”
“Why are you with me?”
“There are a million reasons. But if I had to sum it up in a sentence or two, it’s because you’re the best person I know and I can’t live without you.”
“You could do so much better.” She whispers as tears fill her eyes. Nico lowers his eyebrows in confusion. This is not like her.
“Lex, what is going on?” Nico scoots her over until her back presses into the large cushions fully. She begins to sob, hiding her face as Nico curls her into his chest.
“People are being so mean to me on social media. And I can take it, Neeks. I can take so much if it means that I get to have you forever, but they’re going to a whole new level that I just… don’t.. know how to deal with.” She begins to sob harder.
“Baby, I am going to fix this. Tell me what happened. I’ll take care of it.”
“How? Are you going to shut down the internet for me?”
“I fucking will if I have to, yeah.” This gets her to smile through her tears. Damn does he love her. He would go find every serve in the world and rip the cords out himself if it meant she wouldn’t cry like this because people were mean to her. Because of him. They attack her because he loves her. How unfair is that?
“Someone DMed me on Instagram asking if I knew how unworthy of you I was….” She sighs afterwards, tugging at the drawstring of his sweatshirt. “Like how do you get out of bed with so much ugly audacity?” She repeats.
“But you know that isn’t true.” He strokes her wet cheek, then tilts her chin back so she looks into his eyes again.
“Yeah… I mean, for the most part. But, sometimes…. I’m just not sure.”
“Oh Lex.” He breathes out a heavy breath, feeling his heart break. “Am I doing something wrong that makes you feel like that?”
“No! God, no, Nico you are… perfect. But, they get into my head… and I’ve been in such a bad place.”
“I wanna fix this for you. Wanna soothe every crack and hurt in your heart, baby.” He kisses her lips desperately as he says it.
“You can’t.” She eases the burden for him.
“What can I do?” Lexi contemplates, slowly blinking, really contemplating what she needs from her boyfriend right now.
“Maybe you could take over my social media accounts and change the passwords, so I can’t login right now? I shouldn’t be on anything. Not until I heal. I can’t seem to hold myself accountable to that commitment.”
“Done. What else?”
“Hold me. All night… until we are tired lumps, melded together with no ending.” Nico chuckles.
“Okay. Here or in bed?”
“Bed.” It’s a heavenly sigh that tells Nico he’s getting lucky tonight.
After Lexi falls asleep, Nico maneuvers his arms around her and pulls her phone up. He makes a list of all the people sending her awful messages and blocks them, then he logs into his account and blocks them on his as well, across all social medical platforms until all that is left is praise, love, and appreciation for his beautiful girl.
Nobody makes his girl feel like not enough. Nobody.
And if this continues, this Devil is going to unleash hell.
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I broke my own heart (a few fucking times)
buck/eddie & eddie/shannon | 1.3K | rated: explicit | fic preview
So as some of you may know @elvensorceress and I are working on a little something something. My darling shared the beautiful wrecking pegging scene between Eddie and Shannon so I'm here to offer some more angst with Eddie and Chris
s2 Eddie slept with Buck after first meeting him but then had to try again with Shannon. Since it was just sex between him and Buck, it shouldn’t be any kind of problem. Right? But Shannon isn’t stupid and knows Eddie won’t admit any Feelings. And she’s going to try and figure him out
Christopher is being suspiciously quiet.
He gave Eddie a half-hearted greeting when Eddie picked him up from school then spent the car ride home biting his lip and twiddling his fingers in his lap. Eddie had tried to ask him how his day was but he merely shrugged.
Eddie spends the entire ride flicking his eyes up to the rearview mirror every chance he gets. Christopher doesn’t look sad, at least, not entirely; there’s no bright sheen to his eyes or twist to his mouth that usually accompanies such an emotion. Rather, he looks more contemplative than anything, but the slump of his shoulders and silence clearly mean something is wrong.
Eddie hates how familiar he is with these expressions. Chris has endured too many trials and too much sadness in his young life and it never fails to make Eddie feel like a failure. The cold, sharp pressure of guilt presses down on his chest. Breathing past it takes every scrap of strength he has. Which honestly isn’t much.
He doesn’t think he’s really ever been strong in his life. Always acquiescing to other’s demands and following the rules, hoping and praying that being directed by someone else would somehow make this life easier, would make him capable of making the right decision, but no matter what he fails. He fails. He fails. He fails.
He ran away like a coward, abandoning Shannon and Christopher when they needed him the most. He came back from Afghanistan wrong and broken, no longer able to convince Shannon or his parents that there was any good left in him. He pushed Shannon away after draining away whatever connection they had left. He–fuck, he slept with someone else while still married. He buried himself in Buck’s fierce strength and warmth. They fought and fucked and broke each other. They soothed and loved and repaired each other. With each rough kiss turned soft and silky, with each bruising grip turned gentle and caressing, with each desperate thrust turned into rhythmic rocking, the two of them created something that sprouted in between Eddie’s ribs, growing and full of life and messy and tangled and beautiful and–good. A good Eddie has never known, not outside of Christopher.
And Eddie threw it all away. He held what they made in his hands, cradling it the way he used to cradle his son, gazing down at the broken and glittering parts with an awe and despair that have imprinted themselves on his bones. Then, with gritted teeth and a glowing heart turned heavy and hollow, he pried each of his fingers away and let it fall to the ground. It crashed between him and Buck, thousands of shards painted with thousands of memories, broken beyond repair.
He hasn’t felt warm since. He hasn’t felt whole or right or good. He tries, god does he try. He hides the wretched, wriggling monster inside his chest from Shannon and Chris in the hopes that one day it will die. Maybe then he can make this work, because he has to make this work.
Eddie has to make this work, doesn’t he?
“Dad!”
Eddie startles, the dulcet ring of his son’s voice tearing away him from the pit he has fallen into. A pit that has taken permanent residence inside him, growing wider and deeper and darker with each passing day. An image flashes behind his eyes quickly: the glow and warmth of candlelight, nothing compared to Buck’s smile; the smell of Bobby’s lasagne, rich and enough to make his mouth water; the sweet fragrance of bluebonnets placed in the center the table; the dying light of Buck’s hope and love, crushed by Eddie’s ugly, clumsy, stained hands.
He blinks the image away and swallows past the fractured pieces of his love that have lodged themselves in his throat. “Yeah, bud?”
Chris’ brow furrows and his eyes darken with worry. “We’re home. You’ve just been staring out the windshield for the past few minutes.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. He just can’t do anything right. He’s letting himself drown underneath the tide of his grief and Chris is noticing. What kind of parent makes their kid worry?
Eddie plasters a smile on his face and it feels like a jagged crack in porcelain. “Sorry. Just got lost in thought. Come on, let’s head inside.”
He manages to get them both inside the house and gets Christopher settled at the table with a snack and his homework without disappearing again. Something that is so much harder than it should be. But his house is saturated in Buck. The warm blue and pink tones of his laugh and his smile and his chiseled face and his fucking gorgeous heart are painted across the walls and tables, soaked in the cushions and sheets, splattered on Eddie’s fingers. He can’t wash any of it away. He doesn’t want to wash any of it away.
Chris remains quiet as he does his homework. Eddie putters around in the kitchen, trying not to hover, but wanting to be close in case Chris decides he wants to talk. He won’t force Chris to tell him anything. God knows he hated when his parents tried that. It always left him feeling unsteady and pressured and usually resulted in him never being able to put words to his thoughts. He won’t do that to his son.
Eventually, once Chris is finished with his work and Eddie has washed every single dish they own, he turns to Eddie with a quiet, “Dad?” and Eddie knows he’s ready to talk out what has been plaguing his mind.
Eddie sits down across from him and tries to radiate gentle patience. “What is it?”
“How do–What is–” Chris stops and frowns, looking down at his lap with a frustrated expression.
Eddie waits, giving Chris time to formulate what he wants to say, and tries not to panic. What has Chris this upset and tongue tied? What if it’s something he can’t do anything about? What if–
“How do I explain what Buck is to us?”
A record scratch echoes in Eddie’s ears. The wild, lilting rhythm of Buck Buck Buck pounds through him, forcing his heart and lungs to expand to the point of bursting.
“W-what do you mean?” Eddie croaks.
Chris huffs. “Well, I tell my friends at school about all the things we do with Buck and the things he does for us, and today Tony said it was weird that I spent so much time with him since he isn’t my dad. And I got angry.” Chris’ nose wrinkles as if displeased with himself for that. A rush of fondness pours through Eddie, so liquid sweet it makes him ache.
“So, I tried to explain Buck to him,” Chris continues, the speed of his words rising with his frustration. “But I just–I didn’t know how.”
Eddie supposes that in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t too terrible. He certainly was imagining a lot worse, but–but it’s Buck. What answer does he give Chris? Eddie can barely explain what Buck is and means to himself let alone a mouthy eight-year-old named Tony.
Buck is–he’s everything. He sidled up to Eddie and planted himself in between Eddie’s broken and quivering bones. He gives and gives and gives and expects nothing in return. He’s soft and gentle and kind and mouthy and bratty and funny and ridiculous and honest and smart and beautiful and–and so loved but he doesn’t know it.
And whose fucking fault is that?
Eddie doesn’t think he can say any of that to Chris. So he begins with, “Well, it’s understandable that maybe your friends are a little confused. Not everyone has a Buck.”
Chris’ mouth pinches tight and his blue eyes grow dark and sad–don’t think about who he looks like, don’t do it, don’t do it–and he declares, “Everyone should have a Buck.”
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If it’s not too late: phone sex operator vegas au?
hi hello ily it is NEVER too late to talk abt phone sex operator vegas au
so have u ever seen hit show castle (2009)–
akgkdl okay brace urself it's backstory time. so anyone who knows me knows that i am a big castle (2009) enthusiast (the ONLY show i refuse to watch with it's original english audio this is a german dub party ONLY) i have rewatched the entire series all 8 season MULTIPLE times. now i do this while giffing i put it on and then it plays in the corner of my screen while i do my thing.
and one day season 4 episode 12 came up. now if u are not well versed in castle (2009) lore in this episode a young woman is found murdered and her death is quickly connected to the mayor of new york who is a good friend of castle. now the mayor plotline isn't important what's important is that the victim used to have like a really good job and then gave it up and threw away all her electronic devices and moved into a shitty little apartment for seemingly no reason. while investigating the victim's job castle and beckett are led to: dial a goddess. a phone sex hotline call center.
most of this isn't important i just like castle
so as i was watching this i was like wait a fucking moment. vp brainrot → vp in photoshop → castle phone sex call center in the corner → vp phone sex operator au
so! now i get to the part where i actually tell u abt the au alvkdkfks
pete as the poorest most pitiful security guard in the entire world just trying to get thru his shift at this fundraising event getting his ear talked off by porsche who's currently lecturing him abt his sex life and masturbation habits. once the shift is finally over porsche gives pete a number to call and a few bucks and zooms off to a dick appointment with kinn. after a lot of contemplation and denial pete decides to call the number one evening and well who else could be speaking on the other end except vegas ofc? what follows is pleasant conversations, a lot of hr violations, inappropriate familiarity and possessiveness over customers, more feelings than anyone involved really expected and also. some hard earned phone sex
im very Very excited to write this it is All plotted out all i need to do is write it. i've already started on the hilarious first scene but i might have to rearrange some of it
here is a little snippet for u !!!
Pete wants to die.
This is not how he wanted to spend his shift.
They're doing security for some kind of charity event — Pete couldn't be bothered to remember what kind — and regrettably, there's not much to do except stand around, so Porsche has unfortunately taken the opportunity to give — entirely unsolicited — advice and commentary on Pete's sex life. In broad daylight. In front of the wealthiest people in Thailand. Loud enough so everyone can hear, since Porsche doesn't care much about trivial things like indoor voices.
Even though, Pete does not tell Porsche about his sex life.
But, of course, he won't let himself be stopped.
So, as Pete contemplates the benefits of strangling his coworker-turned-friend-soon-to-be-enemy, he chatters idly about his many hookups in clubs and bars alike.
"–like, you really need to get better at flirting, Pete, it's sad watching you. It's not even hard to pick someone up. But, like, bestie, you have no rizz."
"Porsche. What the fuck is that."
ask me about my wips !
#promotional material for this fic include a banger meme made by boots u'll have to wait to see that#also ofc boots enabled me with this one who's surprised#also ofc there's a reason why vegas is doing that job#anyway!#i hope u like it ?#bestie you have no rizz / what the fuck is that is boots and my favourite line of all time#thank u so much for the ask !!! 🥹🥹🥹#i love this fic so much like actually#the only thing holding me back from writing it immediately is my excellent self restraint ONLY#ask games#asks
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I want to talk about vnc chapter 12/episode 7
Why? Because I need to finally rant so just bare with me *inhales* WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS I DON’T THINK WE LOSE OUR MINDS ENOUGH
I almost want to go panel by panel bc I still can’t believe this chapter exists. When I’m seriously interpreting/analyzing something in a series I try to look from an objective POV. Basically I push aside my shipper heart to see what the author is trying to do canonically. But every time I go back to this specific chapter, the only thing I get out of it is that Noé is going to fall in love with Vanitas. And for the first time, I feel like this is a possibility that could actually happen and that’s crazy. So okay let me go slowly bc what?!!!
First of all, the chapter frames Noé, Vanitas, and Jeanne in certain perspectives quite oddly. The anime does too so that’s why some believe Noé likes Jeanne instead. Which kinda doesn’t make sense for a number of reasons. Now there can definitely be some vampiric connection between the two.
But in terms of romantic interest, it doesn’t add up. Hell we’re 40 + chapters ahead of this one and I can count on my fingers how many lines they’ve said to each other. So if Noé liked Jeanne, it definitely would’ve come back into play by now. After Vani and Jeanne run off, Noé goes after them immediately. And given we’ve seen how fast he is, it’s most likely he heard and also saw their encounter. Meaning Noé knows 1) the uncertainty of Jeanne being a curse-bearer or not 2) her deal with sucking only Vanitas’ blood.
Now mind you, this was 44 chapters ago and Noé still has not told anyone this. Going back to him being good at keeping secrets but that’s it’s own topic. Then he gets this sad look on his face. Now what he ends up telling Domi is the truth. And I want to be more clear on this. I do not think at this point in the story Noé loves Vanitas. It’s more so how this chapter ends is what leaves me stunned but we’ll get there. Plus the fact that Domi, till now, thinks Noé likes Jeanne IS VERY PROOF THAT’S NOT THE CASE.
So when you do the process of elimination, Vanitas is the only logical answer!!! And this freaking line. This is a strong statement for someone whose only upset about a missed opportunity to taste some blood.
His heart was in pain. WHAT THE FUCK
But that’s the thing. Noé doesn’t lie. But he omits A LOT. It also can be that he just doesn’t fully understand so his mind jumps to the obvious conclusion. But if he does think there’s more to it, Noé didn’t tell Domi. Now we get the real meat of it all. Oh my lord so Noé poses the question: Why don’t Vanitas dance with Jeanne? And Vanitas gives the excuse that he’ll accidentally step on her. We later find out he can dance just fine, so perhaps a part of him is already giving distance. Not willing to be close to Jeanne beyond teasing.
Now...MOCHIJUN DID NOT HAVE TO DRAW IT LIKE THIS. She could’ve had Noé smiling and pull Vanitas in to dance without any close-ups. She could’ve made it a silly moment but no, we are meant to take this scene seriously
I’ve noticed Noé has a number of scenes that there’s a small panel to the side where his eyes are covered. And I think a lot of the time it was a moment involving Vani. It gives off the impression that Noé is feeling something the author doesn’t want to make obvious.
And then we get the fucking line. Let’s say I’m reading this all wrong. The fact that mochijun has her two male protagonists dancing together as one asks ‘what is love?’ Is proof that she is at the very least, not unwilling to go there. LIKE DO WE KNOW HOW WILD THIS REALLY IS? I truly believe the fandom accepted this moment way too casually.
Noé asking almost contemplative what Vanitas sees in Jeanne. Remember he knows Vanitas wants Jeanne to suck only his blood. He is confused why Vanitas suddenly gravitates to Jeanne. Vanitas lists his reasons, one that includes that she’ll never love him back. Noé is rightfully confused by this but Vanitas states that she doesn’t have to love him back. If mochijun wants to go the romantic route for Noe’s ‘love’ IT WILL BE EXACTLY THIS. Because if she goes the romantic direction. First and foremost, I will have the highest respect for this woman bc I know she must’ve entered a battlefield for that to happen. But more so, if my interpretation of all this is right. Noé may never tell Vanitas. Think about it.
Noé believes Vanitas loves Jeanne. So out of kindness for Vani’s happiness, he wouldn’t say anything. That’s just the type of person Noé is. But also, the amount of effort, time, and vulnerability it took for Noé to get as close as he is with Vani. You think he’s going to risk jeopardizing ALL of that? And that’s the tragedy and beauty of it all. Vanitas doesn’t have to know that Noé loves him. No one has to know. But if again, this possibility is canon, we the audience know it’s going to be a inevitable regret down the line.
Finally the chapter concludes with future Noé narrating how this feeling will be a mystery for quite some time. I’d like to point out how Vanitas didn’t dance with Jeanne in fear of stepping on her toes but Noé does exactly that to him. Honestly my second favorite chapter. It felt like seeds were being planted for them to sprout into fruition later on. So many little details felt purposeful and it was the moment I really believed in vnc’s writing.
#the case study of vanitas#anime#vnc manga#les memoires de vanitas#noe archiviste#vanitas no carte#jun mochizuki#noé#vampires#Vanitas#Jeanne#vanijeanne#noé x vanitas#vanoe#chapter analysis#love#lgbtq#queer#Noé is gay idc#I’m still mind blown this exists#vnc#manga#dancing#Noé is in love#or going to be#angst
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somno poe <333
adding onto the fucking Poe in his sleep part y'know what would be weirdly funny. Him noticing how sore you are in the morning/the next day or two. and KNOWING you fucked someone, but he didn't visit you last night. so he gets jealous but also anxious because. what if he WON'T get a chance with you at all & he's losing you. He knows he cant do anything too drastic because he wants you to love him, trapping you in a book can wait until he knows for absolute certain who your partner is , if it wasn't just a one night thing
whoever you slept with must have done a damn good job, you seem pretty happy.
even better if you fuck him in his sleep multiple nights
he either makes more frequent visits to you at night or just kinda. tries?? to be more friendly w/ you, getting you gifts & staying close to you and making sure he has your attention when he can, without it being too suspicious.
But, we know Poe's smart. Ranpo beats him, yes, but he's Ranpo. We really need to see Poe go against other detective people. but anyway thats beside the point
point is, eventually he'd connect the dots between; 1) he can't find anyone else's items in your house other than people he knows don't fuck you, 2) he sleeps deeper the nights before he notices that you're visibly sore & he's more tired/groggy in the morning, 3) he swears you've been looking at him a bit differently. he can't tell if you're plotting something [when you should fuck him next] or if you're almost admiring(?) him, and 4) no one else has been acting differently around you. there's no giveaway for who the hell you could be fucking.
it'll probably take a while to actually consider it for long because he doesn't see why you'd actually want him, but eventually he realizes he was the one you fuck. instant flustered mess & instant horny.
I wonder if he'd start plotting down the days you do it so he can find a pattern, & the next night that you do it he just pretends to sleep; he's figured out what exactly you keep slipping the sleeping pills into, as well, so it's easy to avoid sleep by not taking the drugged drinks.. he wants to catch you in the act, just to be absolutely certain~
...this ended up a lot longer than i meant it to and i have no clue how
YEAH IT WOULD BE SO GOOD!! Poe feels terrible at first, like he's going to be sick, he even contemplates trapping you in one of his books. Whoever fucked you must have done such a good job, you look so happy... and you walk a little funny and wince when you sit down, he can't bare to look at you. He can't stop thinking about how you might have looked, sounded, how your perfect cunt would have stretched so wide and been filled so deep.... until you were dripping cum and your cervix was all bruised, and it wasn't even him who did it. He mopes around all hay, half hard because he keeps imagining you getting fucked but also miserable because because it wasn't him that fucked you. And every time it happens he does the same thing, wakes up groggy after sleeping a bit too much and finds you skipping around, smiling at him, walking funny as if you've just had your guts rearranged.
But no matter how much he investigates he can't figure out who the hell is fucking you! And yeah Ranpo is the better detective but not by that much, Poe should have figured this out by now! He's so sad and frustrated and still he's obsessed with getting his hands on you, jerking off every night while dreaming of you, sighing when he blows a fat load all over his hands and stomach, getting the sheets messy, wishing he was dumping all that cum deep inside you instead.
I don't know if he'd figure it out or not but eventually Ranpo would have to tell him, probably kick some sense into him too because Poe will be in denial. Ranpo already knows what you've been doing even if you haven't confided in him, and he can guess when you're planning to strike next. He tells Poe to not eat or drink anything after lunch, not even out of a sealed packet and especially not anything you make, and then pretend to sleep and wait. He knows his friend is in for a happy surprise.
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The house at the edge of the world Ch.8
Summary: Y/N is the owner of an Airbnb at the edge of the world, a place in which Wanda would either heal or become what everyone is afraid of.
Pairings: Wanda Maximoff/SW! x Female!Reader
Warnings: Minors DNI! +18, angst, drama, slow burn, friends to lovers, pregnancy, romance, fluff, mentions of depression and self harm, healing, jealousy, R owns an Airbnb that welcomes many known characters from Marvel, R has powers, Wanda needs healing, and so does R. Idiots in love. More warnings as the story progress.
Author's Note: You guys are really incredible and I'm so happy you like the story so far. This chapter is finally what I was looking for, so I hope you like it. The story from R is how she came to meet the Eternals and some sad facts of R relationships. I hope you like this chapter the same way I enoy writing it
English is not my mother tongue, grammar, spelling and funny mistakes can be made. Thanks!
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Epilogue
Chapter 8
The past
Night was already falling by the time you left the house.
The street was empty and silent, you turned left then right but Wanda was nowhere to be seen. Your fist clenched, you tried to understand what was happening but nothing in your thoughts indicate that something had gone wrong. Wanda had been crying in the bathroom, you knew that and then when she was back on the backstage, she was looking contemplative…afraid.
“Fuck.” You took a hand to your head thinking where she might had gone.
Why did everything have to be so damn complicated? What the hell did you do wrong?
It took you a couple of minutes before you decided to take the left street and go from there. Wanda didn’t know the place that well so she couldn’t be far away, right? With a look of determination crossing your face, you started making your way down the street looking around for any signs of the woman that had been in your mind far longer than you care to admit.
You thought the song would be appropriated for the moment she was living in, perhaps for what you were trying to offer to her. Being it friendship or something else, all you ever wanted was for Wanda to find peace and happiness; without a doubt you knew the harm behind grief and pain. You also knew the consequences of power, of wanting nothing else but power for the hell of it.
You never expected to feel so much in such a small amount of time for someone like Wanda. You never expected this would turn out the way it did, and here you were trying to chase after her to know what happened and why she decided to run.
The main street was filled with people enjoying the festivities, many of them were already making their way back to the shore and the harbour to enjoy the main event and the closing fireworks that promised to be quite the spectacle.
Your eyes swept around the multitude of people you barely recognize, your heart beating painfully hard against your chest until your eyes fell upon the familiar figure of Ajak. The woman straightened up only to find your eyes in the middle of the crowd, her brows came together in a gesture of concern noticing the anguish in your eyes.
“What happened?” She asked as soon as you got to her; you stood before Ajak with a lost stare shrugging.
“I’m not sure.” You put a hand on your head clenching your eyes close for a moment. “One minute I was singing there and the next…”
Ajak pressed her lips together looking around her, “I haven’t seen her.”
You dropped your shoulders in a sign of defeat, by now Wanda could be everywhere around the crowd and the town. She could even be making her way back to the house and you wouldn’t even know for sure. Ajak softened her features watching the myriad of emotions crossing your eyes, she ached to make everything easier for you and even Wanda, but it seemed as if this path was meant for you and her alone.
“There is a way for you to know where she is.” Ajak said tentatively shooting you a quick glance, you tensed glancing at the tattoos on your arms then back at her.
“There is a lot of people here.” Your voice drop, and it was cold with just a hint of fear there.
Ajak softened her features cupping your cheek in her hand, her smile was that of a comprehensive mother trying to teach their kid a valuable lesson.
“I know you have the control necessary to do this, you can go back to the house if you prefer to do so.” Ajak then redirected her eyes to the people walking around. “You have to decide really quick, the last event is about to start.”
You nodded curtly leaning in to wrap your arms around her.
“Thank you.”
Ajak watched as you took off running down the streets evading people left and right before going down the closest alleyway. Not for the very first time she wondered if you understood what was happening, if you were ready for what was to come. Ajak could only hope as you disappeared from view following a woman that had brought a new life into you.
______________________________________________________________
You ran fast until you saw the house out on the corner of the street, your car was still there and there wasn’t anyone around it. You entered the place enjoying the silence inside the hall, you looked around trying to get your heartbeat under control while you walked past the living room to the balcony facing the sea.
The house was empty, the streets below you were full of people and the lights coming from the ferries and the boats make a nice picture of festivities that many were just starting to enjoy again. You took a deep breath, the lines forming the patterns of your tattoos started burning lightly your eyelids fluttered closed while your lips parted slightly to whisper the words you knew by heart.
In a minute you saw everything clearly, those with special abilities amongst the people attending the event and those of Ajak and Sprite. It wasn’t that difficult to do so, you were looking for signatures of energy, something that was different as to how a normal human being would feel. Then your eyes open and the gold in them shone brightly as you changed the location spell into something specific.
The signature that was Wanda Maximoff was as unique as the woman herself.
It was red, which was not surprising, but there was also a glimpse of black you were familiar with. It was far away from the rest of the signatures, moving swiftly through a dirty road you knew well. You didn’t know how she found it, but it was obvious that her intention was to disappear; you went closer and then the red signature of Wanda stopped and turned around, you opened your eyes in surprise before breaking the link.
You knew where she was.
The road was empty and it was evident she had helped herself with her magic to move quickly and disappeared before you could catch up with her. Without wasting any more time, you turned around ready to chase after her when Sprite came from the hall.
"So, you're going after her?" The woman asked tilting her head, you nodded bouncing on your feet. Sprite smirked, putting your car keys from her pocket. "This way would be faster, you know?"
"When did you…?" You snorted, shaking your head. "Never mind, thank you."
"Y/N." You stopped a few meters ahead of her, tilting your head. Sprite bit her lower lip hesitating for a moment before speaking again. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
The question surprised you greatly, Sprite had been the one to pester you to do something about your growing attraction from the young woman. Then again, Sprite had always tried to be protective of you, she had always felt guilty for never coming forth and speak her mind against Eliza. They never liked each other that much.
"I am, Sprite." You turned to her waiting until Sprite turned back. "Do you like her?"
The young woman snorted, offering a half smile.
"I do, actually." Sprite shrugged playing with her foot. "She just needs to cut off the dark magic, and she would be perfect."
"Perfect, eh?" You smirked but Sprite returned your smirk with one of her own.
"Yeah, your children would be quite the catch."
She laughed pleased to see the burning blush on your cheeks at the comment. You sputtered before stepping back lifting a warning finger to her.
"You better keep that comment to yourself, or else…"
"We will see, you big goof. Now go after her, you're wasting time!"
"It's never a waste of time when it is you, Sprite."
Sprite rolled her eyes crossing her arms watching you run down the hall. Soon she was left alone in the house, a sigh left her lips before she decided to join Ajak. Tomorrow would be another day and then she would know if you were successful or not.
______________________________________________________________
The lyrics hit her more than she cared to admit.
She didn’t know what the first trigger was, your eyes on her the whole time. Or perhaps the passion with which you were singing every word, or was it the fact she and Scarlet Witch decided to pry inside your mind and what they found was overwhelming them.
She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve you.
Why did we leave? You should stay!
“Why? So, she discovers the world we have been creating behind her back to go back to the love of our life!” Wanda all but screamed into the empty street.
She was breathing hard; tears were no longer rolling down her cheeks but her face was still wet. Everything around her was dark, and the voices were back whispering sweet promises pushing her to just use her powers to stop the pain.
Why are we scared?
Wanda wrapped her arms around herself, she had seen into your mind how you hoped to reach her out before it was too late. How you wished to wash away the darkness and the pain while giving her a spark of hope, that everything was going to be okay. Wanda couldn’t stop thinking about her family, about her parents and Pietro, about Vision…Westview. The unborn child.
Everything in her life had been so messed up, everything she had touched had died in some way or another. She had been so damage, she had tried to use her powers to build a fantasy world for her own pleasure. For her own pain.
We’re monsters. Monsters never get a happy ending. That’s why we need to create our own.
“How can I be happy with…how can she…” Wanda trailed off grimacing while walking down road. “We can’t.”
You’re a fool.
The world around her was silent, only the wind brushing against the trees and leaves brought a sweet melody to her ears. The young woman shook her head turning back to the road so she could run away from everything and everyone. Her mission had been clear the moment she heard the song, she needed to get out of that place, she needed to leave this town and she most certainly needed to leave your house and your presence.
Why are we running this time around?
You’re afraid. I´m not. Let me out and I can make it pretty clear for the both of us.
“Shut up!” Wanda said through gritted teeth, she clenched her eyes close putting her arms around herself. “Whatever make you think this is what we need or what we wanted, you’re wrong. All we need is there where no one can come in and hurt us, where no one can ever take away from us what…what we built, what we loved and loved us back.”
“So, you’re going back to the Darkhold?”
Wanda turned away startled; a wisp of red magic came out of her fingertips ready to attack the sneaky newcomer behind her. She gasped trying to stop her attack when she realized it was you behind her, you furrowed your brows and your eyes gleamed gold before her magic hit you straight on your chest sending you back against the closest tree. Wanda opened her eyes wide; terror gripped her heart when she realized what she had done, who she had hurt.
“God, Y/N!” Once more she was showing how much of a threat she was, how dangerous she could be. Wanda knelt before you, you groaned in pain blinking slowly while trying to shake away the stars on your eyes. “I’m sorry! God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
You grabbed her hand in yours, wincing before breaking into a content smile.
“I’m okay, this was nothing. You just caught me off guard.” You tilted your head watching the myriad of emotions crossing those green eyes. Then, as soon as you saw them, they went away and Wanda was lowering her gaze tensing completely.
You groaned while trying to stand up, the young woman stayed there on her knees taking deep breaths trying to control herself. Once more, the silence around the both of you became deafening, you had gotten to the road as soon as you could, the car taking you as far as the entrance of the town since the place had been packed.
The wind around you was cold, and the sound of celebration was no longer available. Not even the lights were visible from this part of the road. You then faced the other woman that seemed to be dwelling in her misery at the moment.
“You never answer my question.” You said all of a sudden breaking the silence, Wanda furrowed her brows lifting her head to see you standing close to her a single hand stretched out for her.
“What?” She hesitated before taking your hand, the warm it provided made her shiver standing up until she was just mere centimetres away from you, your hand holding her in a comforting grip.
“Are you going back to the Darkhold?” You asked softly making sure there was not a single trace of accusation in your voice, only a tinge of confusion and sadness. “Why do you want to run away, Wanda?”
Wanda shook her head, “I’m not.”
“You are.” You replied dropping your shoulders, “you’re running away from this, and I have to wonder if it is because it is too much for you, or because you really crave a faux reality offered to you by a damn book. If you really…I mean If I’m the only one…”
Wanda clenched her jaw at your words, she let go of you stepping back trying to get a hold of her rampage emotions, the darkness that had always be her companion ignited inside her making her eyes shone a deep shade of red while her fingertips darkened slowly.
“What would you know of this? What would you know of what I need or what I want?” Wanda shook her head. “What would you know of what has been offered to me? What is even this? You and me…I’m not…”
“I know enough, Little Witch.” You replied tilting your head, you winced holding your head with your hand. Damn, you really hit hard there.
There was a flash of concern in those green eyes, Wanda stirred trying to go to you before she settled back to stand away from you. Why did it have to be so complicated?
You didn’t notice, did you? How does she know about the Darkhold? Her eyes…just before we hit her…Gold.
Wanda tensed under these revelations; she furrowed her brows turning to you while narrowing her eyes.
“How do you know about the Darkhold?” She asked with a tone between curiosity and warning. “Why were your eyes gold a moment ago?”
You opened your eyes in surprised, you thought she hadn’t noticed it but apparently you were wrong. The secrets you had kept so far were finally going to come out and you were not sure this was the place to reveal them. Wanda however didn’t seem willing to follow you or even move herself from where she was.
“How can I not know about the book you have been using since day one?” You replied shaking your head, “I knew you were hurt, and that bad things had happened to you, I just didn’t understand how bad until I started feeling the changes in you. In the house.”
Wanda furrowed her brows, tension building up on her chest when she made sense of what you were saying. If you knew about the Darkhold, then you knew what she was doing? Who were you?
Your lips broke into a crooked smile, “I promise you answers, and I guess this is the time for me to give them to you.”
The day had started so differently, it had been tensed but also a happy occurrence and you thought the end of the day would be a happy one. That, whatever it was happening between you and Wanda would progress but, it seemed as if it was not meant to be.
“Before you go let me…” You trailed off, looking away from Wanda. “Let me tell you my story, I mean that’s if you want to…”
Wanda was so tempted to say no, she was so tempted to just stepped back and leave. But her heart was aching painfully in her chest, and all she wanted to do was go over to you and feel you once more. You winced your knees buckling under your weight, Wanda was right there without thinking too much shooting you a concern stare you tried to ease with a smile.
“Damn, you really have a good punch on you, Principessa.” Wanda scowled at the nickname though her cheeks burn lightly at that.
“You startled me.”
“It wasn’t my intention, I just…” You shrugged standing up. “I couldn’t deal with the fact you wanted to go after I pour out my heart to you.”
The song, I told you she meant every word. Why is so difficult for you to believe it? Let me take care of this situation…let me talk to her.
Wanda shook her head, she glanced at you making sure you could stand before stepping back. You missed the contact but didn’t ask for more.
“I couldn’t stay.” Wanda mumbled, looking away from you.
Then, without a warning she continued her previous stroll her arms tightly wrapped around herself in a gesture you had come to identify as self-comforting. You put your hands in your pockets and decided to go after her; the night was dark, the only light coming from the moon and the stars. There was not a single sound, in this part of the road the town was no longer visible and thus sound was almost non-existent.
“You have a bad habit of answering questions with your own questions, you know that, right?” You asked behind her, Wanda pressed her lips together for a moment before tilting her head to look behind her.
“Why do you care so much?” There was defiance in her voice, she didn’t expect you to answer but to back away from your questioning even though she herself had many questions about the situation at hand.
“You can’t guess?”
Wanda faltered in her footsteps but didn’t say anything else, she just kept on walking trying her hardest to ignore you. This was really absurd, you hoped to catch up with her and get into a real conversation with Wanda, but it was quite evident this wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Or at least not at the rhythm things were going.
She is still following us.
“I know.”
We should talk to her instead of running away.
“I can’t.”
Why are you so afraid?
“Why aren’t you? I thought you above all was the one most interest in going back to him?”
Scarlet scoffed at the last part; she poked inside Wanda’s mind pressing harder until there were no more barriers in Wanda’s mind. It was only the both of them.
You forget that I am a projection of you, whatever I feel it is what you feel…so, tell me, when did you stop feeling for Vision what you are feeling for her? Better yet, why does it feel different?
“My feelings have not changed.” Wanda tried to deny what she was being told, she tried to turn it around but her alter ego would not have it.
You’re right, they have not changed. They have matured, a part of us will always love Vision for what he taught us. But…
“Please, don’t.”
Stop being a coward! Stop running away! What’s the worst that could happen?
By then Wanda was crying again and she hated her own weakness, she hated how much she felt and yet how incapable she was of expressing it. She found herself once more afraid of what could happen, that she was the harbinger of disaster for the people she cared for. The people she loved.
Warm engulfed her form a moment; she felt a light shirt on her covering her warms while also brining the comfort of human contact by the pair of arms that wrapped around her. Wanda hated just how weak she really was, how she craved the touch you were providing at the moment. She hated she couldn’t stop the tears and the fact the meaning behind them had changed.
She no longer cried for her past, or for what she lost.
She was crying for what she had in front of her, and for what she thought it couldn’t be.
“Come, I think a hot cup of chocolate would improve this night. We can use my room to watch the fireworks, they will start in a few minutes.”
“Why are you so good to me?” She whispered leaning into your embrace as the both of you made your way up the road, by now you can see the side road leading to your home.
“Can’t you guess?” You answered again without looking at her, out of the corner of her eyes Wanda could see the smirk adorning your lips.
She snorted shaking her head, “You have a bad habit of answering questions with your own questions, you know that, right?”
You chuckled lowering your gaze for a moment.
“Touché.”
Wanda stood in the hall for a moment, she enjoyed the darkness covering the place while her ears caught up with the sound of you working around in the kitchen. She wrapped your shirt tightly around her; her heart was beating out of control while waiting to see what would happen. Whatever plans she had formed, whatever decision she had taken of running away and just never looking back where merely put into a halt as she found herself in front of you.
You’re too easy.
“You want to come too, so shut up.”
“Are you going to stand there all night?” You held back a smile, on your hands there were two hot cups of chocolate.
Wanda shook her head approaching you, her trembling hand grabbed the offering mug without looking at you.
“Thank you.” She all but whisper, you hummed before turning around the place, the only light on was still the one from the kitchen. The night outside was cloudless and the sight of the moon and the stars was just breath-taking.
“We can watch the fireworks, if you want.” You mumbled lightly looking everywhere but at her.
Wanda couldn’t help the smile on her lips, “eager to take me to your room?”
You opened your eyes wide turning sharply towards Wanda, the woman was smiling amusedly at you and while there was tension growing in between the both of you she was trying to just return the conversation into something familiar.
“Eager to be there?” You retorted, but Wanda just shrugged shaking her head.
“I was supposed to be here alone, to leave without you coming all the way to follow me.” She finally said taking a long sip from her mug.
“I know.”
And if there was something you didn't want was to force Wanda into something she didn't want. You had seen her evolution since arriving at the house, you had seen a side of her you never thought existed. And you were falling in love with that side. With every single side of the woman standing before you
The realisation hit you straight in the chest, your heart ached at the thought of the younger woman entertaining the same feelings for you. How many promises had you broken in the last couple of months? All for Wanda. All for you.
"I won't force you to stay, Wanda." You whispered, tenderness tainting every word. "I know what you have suffered, what you have lost. I meant every word, Wanda. I wasn't sure how to make you understand and…"
You thought the festival would be a great opportunity. Wanda didn't say anything nor did she move her eyes glancing at a spot far away from you. You had already said too much, and even though the song Wanda had interpreted said a lot about the young woman's feelings it hadn't been as direct as the one that you had dedicated. Your heart was out there, it was time for Wanda to decide what she wanted. Sooner or later, she was bound to do it.
"I want you to stay, but I understand if you leave." With a last smile shot her way you stepped back from her. "It's your decision."
You turned around leaving her alone in the darkened living room. The voices that had always tormented her were whispering sweet promises again, flashes of her desires and her dreams went through her mind entrancing her into a need that only them could satiate.
Wanda knew everything was a trick, she had known so since the very first moment her hand closed around the book. But she also knew she was capable of creating reality, she just needed to learn how to do it. The young woman remembered the afternoon she had spent by your side hearing music and enjoying the absurdity that was a karaoke bar. The smiles, the subtle touches, the whispered words…
With some hesitation still growing in her heart, Wanda grabbed the mug tightly between her hands and made her way down the same hall you had disappeared into moments ago.
_____
You had always liked the sight from your bedroom. The world spread before you in a silent invitation to venture out there, at some point you had loved traveling around the world getting to know new people and experienced new adventures. You stopped doing it after Eliza, but it didn't that from time to time you didn't think about it.
The world you had forgotten for so long.
You felt more than you saw the young woman sitting beside you. She sat closed by, closer than was probably necessary and the warm coming from her was comforting, familiar.
With a deep breath you let go of the barriers and your eyes gleamed gold reflecting on the glass of the window.
Wanda frowned at the sight, she felt a tug in her mind, a glimpse of a memory that was not quite hers. Scarlet had seen those eyes before, your lips cracked a bitter smile before words she did not recognize filled your mind.
The tattoos on your arms gleamed for a moment until they were burning in your skin. Wanda turned sharply, her hand hovering above your forearm unsure if she could touch you or not until you grabbed her hand in yours. There was a spark of golden and red and soon Wanda got a glimpse of a memory.
A painful one.
A young child, naked tied to a chair crying for parents that never came. A woman, Dark-haired and old, cutting the ties. Blood and death and then… gold. Bright as the sun.
A teenager standing in the middle of a valley, dead bodies around her with those same gold eyes and a cold smirk on her lips.
Wanda recognized that valley, the same one you had taken a picture on. The one you had on the wall in the hall.
“You…” Wanda started but you closed off the link, your fingertips caressing tenderly the dark skin on Wanda’s hand.
“I was born a witch.” You all but whispered. “It was an age in which that was not very welcoming, my parents tried to… torture the powers out of me. The coven saved me, and I repaired them the favour until I almost lost my soul."
The world around her shifted strangely, she felt dizzy trying to process what you just told her. A witch. Magic was real, that much Wanda knew, but it wasn't until recently that she was made aware of groups, covens, that deal with the reality of these powers. When her eyes met with yours, Wanda knew you were not lying but then…
"If you're a witch then, you have known all this time." Wanda trailed off knowing that perhaps you had sensed it, you can feel it… your meeting with Scarlet was no mere chance.
"From day one." You shrugged facing the young woman with some understanding in your features. "You're powerful, but inexperienced. Or you thought that since there was nothing extraordinary in me you didn't need to hide. Either way, it was quite obvious something was at work in the house."
Wanda took her hand away from you, confused by this revelation with hurt written over her face. If you had known all this time, had you befriended her because of it? Did you approach her for fear of what she was doing? Did you… were you interested in her or her powers?
You sighed keeping your eyes on her, it was the moment of truth. You would tell Wanda what you hadn't said to anyone else before her.
"I know you have been hearing voices, Wanda. The promises of a future just the way you wanted it." You spoke softly, there was a heavy weight behind your words as if you had been carrying with this for far too long. "If that's what you want, if it is truly what you desire… I offer you my help."
Here Wanda lifted her face sharply, her eyes narrowing at you and your words. Were you serious? You offered a sad smile, looking away from her.
"But I know what those voices are, what they really meant. It will never be enough. They will always ask for more."
You trailed off in here, your eyes locking with those of Wanda. What could you say to her that wouldn’t push her away from you? What could possibly be said to her that wouldn’t scare her off?
“Is it really what you want? Do you really want to go? To live there… with him?" You inquired your voice just above a whisper.
No, I don’t know, we don’t know anymore…
And that was the truth.
Wanda didn’t know anymore; Vision and Westview were a safe bet. It was something she knew already; it was something she could control and had been working on for quite a while now. Letting herself love again to love someone new could be…it could destroy her all over again. Whenever she tried to get closer to someone they usually left or died or…God, what was she doing?
She never noticed the tears in her eyes until her vision became blurry and a sob left her lips. Why was she such a wimp, why couldn’t she just get a break and stop feeling for a moment?
You didn’t know what impulse you to do so, but soon your arms were wrapping around her and she was returning your embrace. Her sobs made her trembled, her arms tight around you while she tried to make sense of every single emotion and thought crossing her soul at that very moment. You held her comfortingly, brushing her hair with your right hand while your left one made soothing circles on her back.
“I don’t know…I just don’t know.” She finally mumbled, and while Wanda seemed to be suffering for not knowing, you were suffering for knowing too much.
“Hey, I know I sing horrible, but…you didn’t need to go.” You heard her snort of laughter mixed with her sobs; your lips curled slightly leaning back a little to look at her. You help her wipe the tears on her cheeks, cupping her cheeks in your hands.
Wanda gasped, closing her eyes, you leaned in, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"You don't need to know right now, Wanda." You were about to let go but the young woman tightened her grip on you indicating she didn't want you to stop holding her. You shift to fit her comfortably on your side before speaking again. “I think I owed you some explanations and I did promise you answers, didn’t I?”
“You did, yes.” Wanda waited for a moment, then with a push from her mind and an involuntary movement she grabbed your hand.
There is not time to think about this, just…do it.
Her alter ego was really the impatient type, Wanda lifted her face waiting for you to do or say something. You nodded curtly, squeezing the hand tenderly before settling your eyes on the window.
“Does Natasha know?” Wanda asked all of a sudden, you furrowed your brows nodding curtly.
“She does. One day, she was badly injured.” You lowered your gaze to the ocean, out of the corner of your eyes you could see the lights from the festivities, the forms were blurry and undefined but you could imagine the sound of music and cheers surrounding the valley.
“She was bleeding badly, and I had to stop the bleeding before I got help. So I had to use my abilities.” You purse your lips looking at the sky, “my magic is not for healing, if anything, it is meant to hurt. To destroy.”
The way you spoke of your abilities shocked Wanda, she opened her eyes glancing at you for a long time before you gave in and returned her stare.
“My magic…comes from the core of a living being.” You stretched your arm showing the white tattoos that soon start gleaming softly. “For simple spells I can use my life force, the way everyone does. The core of my magic allows it, but whenever I try to focus on something bigger, powerful…”
You trailed off lowering your arm while offering a bitter smile to Wanda.
“Let’s say that my magic draws that core from whatever being is nearby.” You sighed shrugging. “That day I saved her life, and she asked about it. She even tried to recruit me to the Avengers initiative, saying my help was necessary and would be appreciated. I declined, of course. I was not hero material. I have never been one.”
There was so much pain behind your words, it was not only the bitterness behind the meaning of your abilities but of something else. You clenched your fists close when those eyes of the woman sitting beside you pierced through your mind, you refused to let her see more than what she should and before you could say something she started talking.
“I destroyed a building filled with people.” Wanda sounded miserable under the weight of her memories; she lifted her hands to played with the whisps of magic in her fingertips. “Many called me monster. They are right, of course. I destroyed many lives, including Vision’s.”
“You’re not a monster, Wanda.” You felt like a hypocrite telling her this, for more than a few decades you felt like one, and it wasn’t until you met Ajak and the others that you found your way trying to correct your path.
In a way, your paths had not been that different.
When you turned to face Wanda the young woman had her eyes on you, she was tired of running yet she just was afraid to face whatever was happening in here. It was easier to go back to what she knew instead of trying for something totally different, something that could bring a new wave of pain, disappointment, and regret.
“I enslaved a whole town; I manipulated their minds and almost destroyed a full squad of agents that tried to take away from me the fantasy world I have created.” Wanda said wryly. “I think that counts as monstrous acts.”
“It counts as mistakes, Wanda, not a monstruous acts.” You sighed leaning in grabbing her hands in yours. “I know you weren’t aware of what you did, your magic is so…natural. It’s raw power wanting to go out but not knowing how, you grew up with this in you but no one to teach you how to use it.”
Wanda scowled at your words; they sounded familiar.
Agatha had said something similar to her, how she was supposed to be a witch that never had the right instruction. You brushed your fingertips against hers, speaking softly with a hint of memory in your tone.
“You have been using a very dangerous book, the Darkhold holds a cursed in itself that little by little corrupts its owner.”
You could sense the tension coming from Wanda, she tried to pull her hands away from you, but you stopped her tenderly grabbing her hands in yours. When you lifted your eyes, you found fear in those green eyes, then they changed into a deep red to finally combine both colours in them.
“How do you know?” She all but whispered.
“You heard the voices, right? It’s not only Scarlet in there, but also a group of voices that invite you over to try out the spells, to seek what you desire…the promises of giving you what you lost.” Your lips broke into a crooked smile. “I’ve heard everything in the past. It never ends well.”
Wanda should be surprised by what you had revealed, but Scarlet had already mentioned their encounter and she had suspected there was something strange about you. The voices where still there inside her mind, they were usually louder at nights or during her dreams, they were almost impossible to ignore when she was desperate or sad or the overwhelming feeling of emptiness and loneliness crawled inside her heart.
“Have you heard them? The voices?” Wanda asked looking at your hands and hers, “have you ever wanted something so much that you…gave in them? Have you ever wanted something so much you would do anything to get it?”
There was a hint of desperation in Wanda’s voice, of defeated in regards to her own emotions and her own experienced as of late. You stopped the movements of your hands freezing for a moment, the sound of muffled music filled the cliff and the waves hitting the shore brought soothing sound through your ears. You heard the voices once; it hadn’t been nice.
“I have. Twice in my life I have heard the voices, and twice I was saved from a certain death by my family. The one that adopted me. The ones you had already met.”
You sighed looking away knowing Wanda was looking at you. This part of you was something only Ajak, Sprite and the others knew by heart. They had been there when you were left for dead, they had saved you and you owed them more than anyone would ever know.
"My coven was in a silent war with non-magical beings and other covens." You started narrating, centring your attention on the stars. "I was taught to use my ability so, whenever things went bad I was the secret weapon."
"What did you do?" Wanda had not completely understood your powers. But the expression on your face told her it was bad.
"I stole the lives of some, to destroy others." Your voice quivered, letting go of Wanda's hand. "I used to hear their voices, hunting me, mocking me, blaming me… I thought my time had come after a fight that destroyed my coven. I was left for death and then… Ajak and the others came saving me when they didn't need to."
There was something strange in your story, though Wanda was not sure what it was. She waited enthralled by the story telling, by the images projected by your mind that she was completely sure you sent for her to see.
"Do you still hear them?"
You blinked a couple of times shaking your head, "no, it took some time but I forgive myself for what I have done and… I stopped hearing them."
Silence settled between the both of you, Wanda finished her chocolate while looking at the far away lights igniting the sea. Wanda let her eyes wander around until they settled in the same stars you were watching at the moment.
"You said there were two times in your life…"
You snorted, tilting your head to shoot Wanda an amused stare. Wanda lowered her gaze rather embarrassed; it was obvious she wasn't only curious but was eager to know more about you. There was a part of her that had always felt curious about you, about your past…
If there is someone in her life…if there is a chance.
“There was a woman, her name was Eliza.”
Wanda shifted on her spot; she wasn’t liking the tone you used to refer to this woman. Yet she couldn’t help but listened to the story.
“We met in Germany; at that time the country was not having the best of times.” You winced trying to explain the situation to Wanda without being specific about the age, or the decade that happened. “We kind of hit it off at the very beginning, she was beautiful, smart, funny…and I fell in love with her.”
Wanda clenched her jaw already hating the story, she tried to put her hands away, but you intertwined your hands with hers squeezing tenderly while showing her this story did not have a happy ending. Wanda struggled for a moment before giving in, she was taken aback when two tears rolled down your cheeks. It wasn’t sadness. It was regret.
“She was a witch too, and it was incredible. I didn’t need to hide myself from her so, we could work around our own magic, be ourselves.” Your lips broke into a bitter grimace. “The first time I heard those voices was subtle, it was like a sweet invitation to do something I thought I wanted. It was a planted dream, a planted desire. I didn’t notice anything at that point, I have given my heart to Eliza the way I had never done so before so I never doubt her.”
Wanda frowned looking away from you, she remembered of all the times she had used her ability to manipulate the minds of others. To create the illusion or bend their wills to her own. You sighed shrugging.
“Of course, as time goes by, the voices become louder insistent…darker.” Wanda could hear the anger filling your voice, but behind that anger there was an underlying sadness. She hated seeing you like this, and she wished she could do something about the memories.
“It became part of who I was, I was in love with her thus even if I heard thoughts that were not totally mine I will comply if only to see her happy. To see her smile.” You shifted on the spot having forgotten about many of these things, and then all of a sudden remembering them as if it had happened the day before.
You know who she is, don’t you? You know how familiar that sounded?
Wanda didn’t need to say anything to know how familiar that sounded, and she certainly knew who you were referring to.
“She is the one in the picture, isn’t she?” Wanda asked all of a sudden, you nodded curtly looking away from Wanda.
“That day…Egypt had been a personal dream of mine.” You broke into a smile, tenderness filling your eyes for a moment. “I had planned it several times, but there was always something happening that prevent me from doing it. Then, she gets to our flat back in London with two first class tickets to Egypt I was beyond happy. I was…”
Wanda could see the many emotions crossing your face, and without thinking she moved closer to you her free hand cupping your cheek making you looked back at her.
“I was an idiot. I should have seen it, the signs were there, I just ignored them.”
“What happened?” Wanda all but whispered her question, you leaned into her touch before continuing.
“I wanted to visit the museum, she was tired and encourage me to go.” You shrugged, “I said why not? I knew she thought those places to be boring, so I went out and took a couple of hours. When I was back she was in the room, with someone else. They were…fucking rather loudly.”
You leaned back finally cutting off the contact you had with Wanda to just focused on the world outside your window.
“I couldn’t even talk when something hit me and I knew no more.”
“Was there someone else in the room?” Wanda asked worriedly, if she hadn’t liked the beginning of the story she was liking this even less.
“No, actually it was a spell.” You replied pressing your lips together. “I woke up tied up, naked with Eliza near me and my body bleeding from cuts she had placed strategically around my body.”
“Y/N…” Wanda was looking horrified, and with each detail you knew she was going to be even more impressed.
“Long story short, the voices had been an enchantment she had worked with for some time,” You shrugged again, giving Wanda a tired glance. “I never noticed it, I was just…”
“…in love.” Wanda said and the words taste foul on her tongue.
Her tone of voice surprised her; she sounded bitter and her face was wearing an expression between a grimace and sadness that she wanted to deny but knew this was impossible. Wanda couldn’t help but wonder if you were still in love with Eliza, if you were…were you mourning that love still? It was kind of hypocritical from her part to even think these questions, she had come all the way from New York to heal a past lover. To try and go back to him, yet she couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps…did she stand a chance with you?
“Yeah, it was stupid.” You snorted continuing. “She was part of a coven that had been on a blood feud with mine, she heard about me and thus decided to do a transfer of powers.”
“What do you mean?”
You straightened up remembering that Wanda had never had the proper education on this.
“It’s when a witch or wizard, or even a sorcerer tries to transfer the powers of another magical being to them.” You tried to explain it in a simple way. “But this usually ends up with the initial donor’s dead. You cannot live without magic; it is part of you. So…she was meant to kill me.”
Wanda felt rage building up in her, her eyes gleaming a dangerous red just as the Scarlet Witch stirred inside of her. Why would anyone try to do something so vile? Why would anyone try to do something like that to you? If Wanda could…
But we can…Wanda, you need to decide, or I’ll will free myself from you and take what I want. Look at her…
And Wanda did, she looked at you and saw the suffering behind your eyes. The story brough to you memories you longed to forget, yet when you lifted your face to glance at her all Wanda could see was tenderness. She was still afraid to see beyond that.
“Egypt had a temple perfect for the ritual, she almost succeeded if it hadn’t been for Thena and Sersi and the others.” You explained, shrugging lifting your arms. “My tattoos they weren’t with me until recently. My core had been damage, and for me to recover I need a new source of power. At least until everything went back to normal. I was taken to Kamar Taj; in there I was helped by the Supreme Sorcerer.”
“You mean, Wong?” Wanda blinked confusedly; you shook your head.
“No, he wasn’t the Supreme at that time.” You tried to ignite the tattoos on your arms showing the different patterns. “This helps me a little, it allows me to control how I used my magic without…dying. I was given a gift not many have, and not many can take so...”
Wanda winced at your sheer honestly, she let her fingertips caressed the patterns until your hands followed hers.
“Your blackened fingertips, I saw them in her too.” You whispered. “Corruption.”
Wanda’s lips quivered; she was about to speak when you continued drawing patterns on her hands.
“Do you still love her?” She blurted out all of a sudden, you blinked away in confusion. “I mean, you don’t have to answer of course it’s just…”
“Do you still love Vision?” That was a low moved and you knew it, Wanda tensed slightly scowling at you before looking away.
“Vision was…my everything. He was my first friend, my first lover, my first…regret.” Wanda clenched her fist tight. “A part of me would always love him but…I…”
“Eliza was my first love too; she was my everything at some point…but she…” You trailed off looking at Wanda deep into her green eyes. “She wasn’t the love of my life. I’m starting to think that what I feel for her was puppy love and…that…what I’m experiencing right now it’s something totally different.”
Wasn’t he the love of our life?
“Was he?”
He was all we knew. And now that we’re getting to experience something different, something…
“I’m not sure what it is happening, yet.” Wanda mumbled, and you just smiled at her.
“Good, I thought I was the only confused one in here.” You straightened up turned around to see the lights of the reflectors in the distance. “Now you know my deep secret, Principessa, I’m a witch, I fell in love with the wrong person and now I’m just trying to…live.”
There was a moment of contemplative silence, Wanda seemed to be deep in thought pondering what to say. It was quite evident you had shared something not many knew about you. Something you had kept secret for far too long, Wanda couldn't help but feel she was missing something important, something vital about your story. She could hear the chuckles from Scarlet, her amusement washing over Wanda's mind though the young witch couldn’t understand why.
After a moment, Wanda decided to tell you everything as well.
"I got the idea of the Darkhold after confronting Agatha." She clocked her head remembering how she went right inside the other witch's home and stole not before breaking the protective spells Agatha had placed around her house.
"It spoke about a prophecy, about the Scarlet Witch." You stirred for a moment glancing at the reflection of Wanda and the familiar shadow lurking right behind her. "If I had such power, and I did it unconsciously then with some training and help I could build something resistant, something permanent and impenetrable."
Wanda remembered those first days back in New York, how she would get interrupted every five minutes. How desperate she was getting to finally have some alone time with the book and the Astral projection of herself. A part of her had been mad about the vacation proposal because she knew it was a way to get rid of her. She knew what she had done had created troubles the Avengers were not ready to deal with, yet they did and one of the conditions was, Wanda needed to go.
"When I got here I started really working on the book, and the spells. It was all consuming the words and the invitation, I felt the power rush through my veins and building what I wanted became second nature." Wanda glanced at her hands and those blackened fingertips, the corruption that ran through Agatha and was now trying to take over her. "I felt the corruption, but I was just… alone. So alone. I have nothing, I have no one. And I thought about this world, Vision…"
Here Wanda trailed off hesitating while trying to get the right words, to organise her thoughts. She had felt so lost at the very beginning, she really thought there was nothing for her in this reality, that she would always be alone. And then… everything changed.
"Then, along the way, something changed." Wanda dropped her head, her voice above a whisper. "I changed and… everything was different, my need for the Darkhold became sporadic, I didn't need to look for the book to feel good, to actually get a glimpse of what I want, what I need…"
Now we only need to be near N/Y for the voices to disappear, she is all we can think of…
God, Scarlet was so embarrassing sometimes, Wanda held back her mortification and the sheer honesty behind her alter ego’s part.
“Now, it’s not as often as before, you have been distracted.”
Your comment was meant to complement her explanation, but the way her cheeks burnt at your words made you wonder if perhaps there was something else you were missing.
“Yes, as of late something else…someone else has been in my mind.” Wanda whispered for you to hear. “I’ve been having second thoughts about everything, feeling guilty for forgetting about Vision and the mission while enjoying this newfound normality in me.”
“That’s foolish, you can’t feel guilty for wanting to continue with your life, Wanda. Grief is necessary but we cannot stay there forever.” You had learnt that the hard way, grief would only lead to depression and loneliness and a place so dark that could consume you completely.
Wanda shrugged looking away into the darkened sky above your head, the start twinkling merrily while forming patterns not many could name.
“I think it’s more complicated than that.” She continued; you furrowed your brows waiting for a deeper explanation. “I feel guilty, I promised Vision we’re going to be together forever but…things changed. And I’m not sure when they did, but they did and now I just…”
Wanda trailed off when an explosion resounded all through the Riviera and the sky ignited with flowers of colours decorating the sky. The fireworks had begun and they were breaking into the sky, you turned your head and they were reflecting in green eyes that were watching in awe the sky, Wanda’s lips curled in a tender smile and you found yourself spellbound to her.
“They’re beautiful.” She whispered, and you smiled watching her. Only her.
“Yes, they are.”
Wanda furrowed her brows lowering her gaze to find yours, the lights coming from the fireworks lit the land around you. Wanda could no look away and you found yourself in the same position.
“How did things change, Wanda?” You asked, the young woman tensed looking away from you. You leaned in putting two fingers under her chin, you turned her tenderly to you and asked again. “How did they change?”
“I…” Wanda hesitated, and she could hear the grunt of frustration coming from Scarlet.
“I can tell you how my life had changed, I never thought I would experience this again.” You chuckled nervously. “I never thought I would find someone that would occupy my mind 24/7 and that would…someone I want to make happy. To see her smile. Even if it is not with me. So, tell me how things change for you and…and if it is between my power, I will help you get the world you want to live in peace, happy with the one you love.”
Your breath caught in your throat when her lips finally made contact with yours. It was a timid brushing of lips, an electric jolt went right through your lips all through your body, your lips parting slightly until you were nibbling on Wanda’s lower lip, your hand on the nape of her neck and her hands on your cheeks. Your lips were warm against hers; it was an innocent touch filled with electric jolts that warm up your chest and made your smooth flipped in anticipation; Wanda sighed partying her lips while tilting her head to the side submitting herself to your guidance. It was a slow danced filled with real-life fireworks happening just outside the window.
You two kissed until the lack of air made you break apart panting, trying to catch your breath while keeping Wanda closed to you. When your eyes opened she was looking at you with such a tenderness and adoration, you were afraid to speak and reveal more than you probably should. So you leaned in and kissed her again.
_____________________________________________________________
Tag List: @trikruismybitch
#Wanda Maximoff x Female Reader#Wanda Maximoff x Reader#WandaxReader#WandaxFenaleReader#WandaMaximoffxF!Reader#imagine wanda maximoff#Reader#You
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DO NOT DELAY
Dealing with your own anger and fear and sadness--your suffering--will often not be fair.
You may have done nothing wrong. In fact, you may have done wonderful things. And yet still either due to the direct actions of others or the indirect workings of the Universe, fucking unfair painful shit will happen to you.
Your anger, fear, sadness, and other forms of suffering may be perfectly valid. But you must ask yourself: Do I want to be validated or do I want to be liberated?
There is a fake Buddha quote I love: "Holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone; you are the one who gets burned."
You can still take that person to task even after you drop the hot coal. The point being that you free yourself from the distorted perception that is caused by and causes suffering (the hot coal). Not only does this feel better on an inner level but it allows you to address whatever needs addressing with ingenious skill.
All of this comes to mind for me as a head & neck surgery resident. I have gotten 2 hours of sleep every other night while also working full days every day for the past week because of my call schedule. 95% of the time, the consults I get called in for overnight have been nonsense. And even though this demand on my time results in worsened physical health, mental/emotional wellbeing, and frustration, I treat my patients and colleagues with dignity and respect.
There are no awards for someone who worked from 530am to 7pm and then gets called back in at 8pm, 10pm, and 4am only to start their work day again at 530am.
No one is going to give me a pat on the back for meditating, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in contemplation in order to self-liberate my own anger, frustration, and suffering.
But again and again I must ask myself, do I want to be right or do I want to be peaceful, happy, and free?
I could go on and on about the last three years of my life in residency and how one thing after another has piled up to become incredibly unfair. Yet the one thing I keep reminding myself is do not delay.
Do not wait for later to free yourself, to practice meditation, to practice the spiritual teachings of contemplation, insight, kindness, passionate enthusiasm, lovingness. Do not wait for circumstances to be better. Or you may meet death before ever meeting "later."
Only you can give yourself this freedom. Now, today, is what we have been given with which to work.
No matter what you lose, do not lose your own heart.
LY
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Innocent characters and how they would treat someone traumatized
Charles... he has a lot of his own personal baggage. He's arguably the most traumatized in the story, and when he commits heinous acts, he just mutiliates his own soul further. So if he has to take care of someone deeply traumatized, he would not know what to do. He'd likely distance himself as much as possible, but if he really had to help, he would offer his medical knowledge. While he does find the situation relatable, he will NOT open up about his own abuse or how he hates his job. He will talk about unrelated topics he enjoys, like medicine, favourite foods or maybe happy childhood memories that aren't too emotional for him. Geniuenly wants to make you feel better but has no idea how. Also depends on his mood.
More utc
Marie's unhelpful emotionally. I don't know if she's a psychopath or something, but she does not feel remorse for any of her actions, so I'm going with this term to simplify (I might analyse her deeper one day). Marie will not be kind to you if you're traumatized. She herself is a victim, and an abusive mother. I read that as symbolic rather than "real", but she gives 0 fucks about her child's safety. She might give you some advice or maybe give you money for support. She's more likely to kill your abuser than anything else.
Who else, who else... Anne-Marthe does not help people out. She uses them. If being curt to you benefits her, she will be curt. If it's better to fake kindness and understanding, she will do so. She's very cold in her manipulation. So she will make you dependent on her. It's not in her interest to make you mentally healthier lmao.
Dad- uh, Jean-Baptiste is similar in a sense, but he's not as manipulative. He might try to manipulate you, but it's not as severe. He is a very distant figure, so he'd likely react like Charles - distance himself. But if he does help, he probably gives you advice in that stern fatherly tone. And he scares you, he's scary, but it doesn't matter because I hc that he has this calm, stoic aura about him even if he's insane. So he can have a grounding presence I guess, but he's reluctant to actually help. He will patch almost anyone up without question though. (I was joking with the daddy I don't have hots for this moth man I swear)
The most helpful on this list is probably André. Even though he's very anxious and doesn't know how to help, he would listen well and try to find a solution to any problem. He would open up about his own trauma too! He tries to help a lot, but he's ridiculously clumsy about it, and can make it look like it's him venting instead. But he's still the most eager to help and actually become friends.
Louis would definitely just vent. He can hold your hand once I guess, but he IS a king, he can't just make people feel better, he has duties and all. I guess he would give money and look with sad eyes, contemplating your tragedy for a week before another tragedy shows itself to him.
I could only see Antoinette being helpful in a modern au (even then she wouldn't care all that much, we see a modern au in canon and she's no different) because in canon she wouldn't really care for longer than a few minutes. She would treat it like rich people treat a photo of a starving child. She might throw money at you or just watch how poor and sad you are from a distance. I love her, she has no malitious intents, but she's too detached from reality.
Subyss is the one who traumatized you, period. He has no desire to help and he doesn't. Or no, wait, you could get drunk together and complain about stuff, or start a bar fight (I kinda want to hit him idk he's infuriating). But it's not healthy coping so I'm not counting that.
You know who came to my mind? Zero. They are shown to bring light and joy to people's lives, and I can see them being a good listener who would share their food with you. They're just very, very weird to talk to since they have weird communication habits and a skewed perception of reality. But they would definitely better anyone's mood.
Note: My first time posting something I imagined and wrote. Not a reblog, not a comment, my own hcs. So I was very anxious about it lmao.
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