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silentglassbreak · 3 months

Text

Fragmented

Noah Sebastian x OFC

Just having a lovely good time with this. We are getting there, I swear it. 😘 (I promise there’s method to my madness.) Also HEAVILY recommend listening to the chapter song title - especially toward the end of this chapter. Levitate by Sleep Token.

Warnings: No smut today. But I fucking cried writing this chapter, and I hope you do too (I'm so sadistic). Sadness. Graphic descriptions of vomiting and overall being sick. Fluffy, heartache chapter. OH and graphic depictions of violence and blood (in a dream setting, don't stress).

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86 @thisbicc @knivesforapro @diabolicdiatonics

Part 7 - Levitate

At what point do you start drawing lines in the sand? I asked myself that question over and over the past several weeks since the party. Who was fucking with who anymore? I'm certain neither of us really knew the answer.

Mileena was still seeing Justin, our mishap in the bathroom on the 4th being unspoken of again. It never happened. I kept trying to remind myself of that, each time I saw her, the only times our paths crossing being during pick-ups and drop-offs of Addison.

I had fully expected her to become scarce, but to my surprise, she was letting business go on as usual. Even being around more often. Part of me wanted to hope that meant she was slowly inching her way back to me, some undying need inside of her not being capable of keeping a distance. That thought was shut down, however, when Nick mentioned that he was asked to go on a double date with her, Laura, and the Ken doll (my favorite nickname for him).

That came about two weeks after the party, and I just shrugged it off, assuming that meant Mileena had truly forgotten about the bathroom, or was forcing herself to.

Still, she showed up, sometimes spending half an hour or more at the house when dropping off Addie, making small talk with me, once in a while even flirting. It was casual, comfortable, and for some reason, it didn't bother me to know that she was likely fucking that other guy. Something in my gut just told me to be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

So that is exactly what I did. I gave her room to exist, letting myself exist somewhere near her being good enough for me most days. In all honesty, the lack of pushing made some space for a very good friendship that we never gave the chance to grow before. Sure, the attraction was clear, but she started telling me things; things that I didn't get to hear before.

'Nick and Laura are gag-worthy. It's honestly kind of annoying.'

'I'm going to go back to work soon. I got a job offer, but the last two years off have been so heavenly.'

'I miss Washington. We need to take Addie up there to visit Dad.'

She kept throwing that word around. We. I never wanted to bring it up. Never wanted to spook her. Rather, I stood there and listened to her most times, smiling softly at her, loving the way the light filled her eyes when she was excited, or she came in close for a hug whenever she was sad. I took every second. I accepted it graciously, happy to exist.

Today, however, was not a good day. Today, I felt like a bin of hot, rancid, putrid garbage. We were stood in the green room of a venue in Buena Park, getting ready for a pop-up show, when I felt an overwhelming sense of nausea hit me. All day, I had felt off, but had brushed it off as the heat, stress from the show, and exhaustion hitting me all at once. I had slept most of the day, working to get myself out of the funk, trying like hell to prepare for the show, but I couldn't shake it.

Now, feeling my insides threatening to make their way out, my eyes darted around the room frantically, eyes falling on a nearby trash can. I bolted for it, collapsing onto my knees before emptying everything in my stomach into the bin, heaving painfully.

After successfully spitting out the last of the vomit, I sat back on my heels, trying to breathe deeply. My episode had caught Jolly's eye, and he ran over, face cringing at the sight.

"Dude, what the fuck?" I pointed at a stack of napkins on the table behind him, and he handed me a few. I wiped my mouth.

"I don't know, man. I was good, and then I just had to hurl." I was trying to determine if I was done puking, my stomach still rolling around.

"Eat something bad?" Nick had joined us now, hands in his pockets.

"Fuck, man, no idea. I guess." I shrugged, tossing the napkins in the can.

"Do we need to cancel? If so, we need to let Matt know now." Jolly's voice was concerned.

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm good. I just need a minute."

"You sure?" Nick raised a brow at me, and I stood up.

"Yeah. You guys got any gum?"

Four songs. I made it that far. I worked so hard, swallowing all of the saliva building in my mouth, keeping my face even. But as soon as we hit Glass Houses, and I had to start screaming, I had to run off stage, emptying my stomach once again into a trash can off of the side. I had thrown my mic hastily on the stage, making it clear that my abrupt exit wasn't planned.

Jolly, still vigorously playing the music, repeating the same riff, stepped off to the side and gave me a glance. I was kneeling, gagging dryly into the can. I saw him motion for everyone to stop. The music and lights cut sharp, and I leaned my head on the cool rim of the metal can, breathing heavily.

Folio stood over me. "Noah?" I looked up at him.

"I can't. I'm so fucking sorry."

He was shaking his head. "No, bro. You're fucking sick."

My body was covered in a slick, disgusting sweat, but I was still shivering profusely. "I'm freezing, dude."

Folio looked up. "Uh, hang on." He jogged off to the side of the stage, returning with my coat that I had discarded after the first track. "Here."

I stood up and pulled it on, not feeling much relief, my skin screaming as the fabric brushed over it. I took a moment to calm my body before walking back out to the stage, the crowd cheering as I did.

I picked up my discarded microphone and waved. "Well," I put a hand on my hip and huffed a laugh out. "I'm so sorry about that, guys."

The crowd cheered for me, but I was still fighting the feeling of another impending puking spell.

"So, I think I'm sick." I chuckled, and I saw the guys shaking their heads, smiling. Nick was already taking his bass off, and Jolly was walking over next to me. "I'm so sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to finish the show tonight, folks."

It was met with cries of sadness, and I frowned. "We're so sorry." Jolly's voice came through his own mic. "But we will schedule a make-up show. We've just got to keep this guy away from the gas station sushi."

Nick and Folio laughed with the crowd, but I just gagged, pressing it back down. Jolly slapped me hard on the back, which made me flinch.

"We're going to get this guy into bed, guys. But, before we go, we thank you all for being here!" Jolly hollered, and the crowd cheered.

"And can we give it up for Noah, guys?!" Nick hollered out, causing the venue to erupt. I just gave an embarrassed nod and began stalking off stage, feeling another wave oncoming.

Nick drove me home last night, walking me inside to make sure I got into bed properly. I only managed to get my pants, shoes, and shirt off before I folded into bed.

"Alright, bro, I've set a bowl on the nightstand, in case you don't make it, and I've got a water bottle next to you." But I was already half asleep when he left.

I was awoken to the doorbell going off, and I groaned, my back muscles screaming at me, and my stomach rolling inside me when I swung my legs off the bed. My head pounded hard at the sensation of sitting up. I felt truly horrific.

I stepped downstairs slowly, my body aching with each drop of my feet. I rubbed at my eyes against the sunlight, opening the front door.

Mileena stood in front of me, grocery bags in hand, and staring brightly at me, her faced etched with worry.

My eyes widened when I realized. "Oh, fuck! It's Sunday!"

She shook her head. "Oh no, I didn't bring Addie. I didn't want to risk giving her the plague."

I rolled my eyes as she walked past me into the house, closing the door behind her. "Then why are you here? Don't you not want to get it?"

She waved me off, heading for the kitchen. "I'll be fine."

She was back after a second, and I hadn't moved from where I stood by the door, focusing on staying upright as the room started to spin. Her eyes examined my face, a look of sympathy on hers.

"Oh Noah," She rubbed a hand on my shoulder. "you look like shit."

I smirked, my eyes nearly closed. "Thank you for noticing, I feel like it too."

I yawned, stopping it short when I felt as though I may gag again.

"How'd you know I was sick?"

"Nick called Laura last night. Told us about the show. I almost came over then, but Nick said you knocked out pretty quick."

I opened my eyes, then, giving her an inquisitive look. "So, you're here because...?"

She huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "To make sure you don't die?"

Leena was trying so hard to be convincing, but I still smiled playfully at her. "Oh sure. You're just here cause you couldn't stand the thought of not seeing me."

She rolled her eyes at me, smacking a hand gently on my chest, which made me whine, rubbing the spot. My skin was so sensitive.

I saw her face flinch, realizing I was tender. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry." Her fingers rubbed the spot she hit, but I wiggled away, the contact uncomfortable.

She then pressed her palm to my chest, scrunching her brows. "Jesus, Noah." Mileena grabbed my face and pulled me down, pressing her lips to my forehead - something she always did when checking for a temperature. "Fuck Noah! You're burning up!"

Scurrying into the kitchen, then back to me in a flash, she had the thermometer in her hand, brushing it across my forehead. Everything was happening in slow motion for me, the room still threatening to turn on it's side at any given moment.

"Fuck! 104.9 degrees!" I just nodded dryly, not fazed. "Noah, you may need to go to a doctor."

I groaned, walking over to the couch and sitting slowly. "I just want to sleep."

She followed me, pulling my legs up to stretch on the couch. Her hands grabbed the blanket I kept on the back of it, stretching it out over me. "Fine, but I'm staying with you a while. I don't like that fever."

I scoffed. "I'm not too fond of it, myself."

She grabbed the remote and turned the television on. "What do you want to watch?"

I moaned, absolutely suffering. "Don't care. Whatever you want."

She took up space on the other end of the sectional, tucking her feet underneath her and scanning to Hulu.

"Just nothing about food." I felt my face begin to turn green, and she noticed. She ran to the bathroom, grabbing the trash and placing it near my head on the floor. "Thanks, babe."

I watched her still, glancing at me, wanting to correct me. It was a reflex that I hadn't meant to say, but in my current state, I couldn't find the willpower to care.

She must've known, because she just turned up her lips, and softened her eyes. "Of course."

I let my eyes fall closed, my head calming while I heard the opening to Grey's Anatomy play.

I woke up to a lurch in my stomach, my eyes flying open, and my hand instinctively grabbing the trash, retching hard into it. Not much had come out, mostly bile, as I hadn't held down anything for about thirty-six hours. I opened my eyes, bleary with involuntary tears, and saw the end of the couch empty, but the TV still playing.

"Oh, Noah!" Her feet tapped the floor softly as she ran into the living room.

She circled the coffee table, and sat next to me on the couch, her hand rubbing small circles on my back. Setting the can down, I leaned back on the couch, fighting to get air in my lungs.

"What the fuck?" I grit through my teeth. Her hand was now on top of mine, her thumb massaging into the tattoos on my skin.

"I know. Must be a bad bug."

I leaned down, grabbing the edges of the bag in the can, preparing to get rid of it. Her hands came in, shooing mine away.

"I'll get this. Go brush your teeth."

I stood, running a hand through my sweat-soaked hair, and realized I was still in just my boxers. It hadn't even occurred to me, too sick to realize how gross I must look.

"Sorry you have to see me like this."

She snorted, tying the bag up. "Noah, you watched me give birth. I think we're okay."

I smiled at her tiredly. "You don't have to stay. What about Addie?"

She walked to the front door, slipping on my slides so she could walk outside to the can. "Uncle Jolly and Uncle Folio took her out for the day. Laura told me to stay as long as you need."

I was sick, exhausted, and half-dead, but I couldn't help what came tumbling out of me.

"And what if I never let you leave?"

Her hand hovered over the door knob, her neck twisting so she could look at me, a sad expression on her face. "Go brush your teeth. Your breath is rank."

I smiled. It wasn't a 'no' or a 'shut up', so it was progress.

"I think I'm going to shower, actually."

She just nodded before disappearing outside to dispose of the garbage.

I climbed the stairs carefully, lightheaded. I walked straight into the bathroom, turning the water to scalding, and stripped off my underwear. I glanced in the mirror, cringing at the sight. My eyes held dark, grey circles around them, my hair was visibly greasy, and my lips were pale and chapped.

Real sexy, Sebastian.

While I waited for the water to get hot enough to melt my skin, I brushed my teeth, working hard not to gag again. Once I spit the last of the toothpaste out, I stepped into the hot water and took a moment to adjust. I had a feeling my fever had broken, as my skin didn't hurt quite so badly.

I took time to scrub my body, letting my body calm as I felt the previous day rinse off of me. I quickly washed my hair, not even bothering with conditioning or anything extra. Then, I just stood there, letting the warm water wash over my back, my forehead leaning against the cool tile, zoning out while I breathed deeply.

"Hey." I heard her voice, which I didn't react to. "You alive in there?"

I flipped the handle, turning the water off. My hand grabbed the towel on the hook, pulling it in and wrapping it around my waist before opening the curtain. She stood in the doorway, and I heard her inhale a sharp gasp when her eyes caught me standing, my hair dripping down my face. I flipped it back and eyed her.

"I feel like death."

Her eyes were blown wide, and her lips parted slightly, not responding. Normally, I'd be taking full advantage of the moment. However, I was sure my stomach couldn't handle any sudden movents.

"I, uh," She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "I brought some Zofran. We need to get you to hold something down."

I stepped out of the shower, sighing. "If you think it'll help."

She held a hand out, a small white pill in the palm. I walked over, picking up the tablet and holding it on front of me.

"How do I know you're not drugging me?"

She pursed her lips, smirking. "You don't."

I shrugged nonchalantly, and dry swallowed it.

Standing inches from her, smiling mischievously. "How's my breath?"

Leena grinned earnestly, then. "Better." She lifted a hand to the back of my neck, pulling my forehead down to her lips again. She hummed in approval. "That's better too. Now c'mon," She tugged at my wrist, pulling me out of the bathroom. "let's get you dressed and into bed."

I took note of the sweats, underwear, and t-shirt laid out on the bed. I also noticed the blanket being fresh.

"I changed the sheets for you. They were still damp from you sweating all night. I set up the trash can next to the bed, water on the nightstand. You need to drink it." She was using her Mom voice now, which had me staring at her, amused. "When you're ready to try eating, I've got Saltines, cheese, and a few different soups."

Eyes boring into her, I couldn't help but grin. "I appreciate you, Mileena."

The look on her face told me she was not troubled by any of her efforts. "You know I don't mind." She scanned the room, and began turning around. "I'll let you get dressed."

"Are you leaving?"

She stared at me, her eyes sparkling. "Do you want me to?"

A tinge of red crept up my neck, suddenly shy. "I mean, no?" Breathing out a chuckle, I picked up the underwear, letting the towel drop. Her eyes only flashed down to me for a split second, her throat swallowing hard. "But I get if you need to get back to Addison."

She squeezed her eyes shut. "No," She had her lips held tight together. "I checked in with Laura. Addie's fine. She said I can stay however long."

I nodded. "I've got pants on now." My words were lighthearted, finding humor in the fact that she was trying to preserve my modesty, as if she hadn't seen it all before.

"I figured I'd start disinfecting the living room while you napped."

I sat down hard on the bed, slipping the shirt over my head and wincing, the sensitivity coming back.

"Or, you could watch TV with me."

She stared at me, as if I was insane. "Is that such a good idea?"

I leaned back, pulling myself under the comforter and sinking down into the mattress.

"I mean, if you don't want to catch this crap, I don't blame you."

Sitting next to me on the edge of the bed, she laid a hand on my stomach softly. "I told you I'm not worried about that."

I laughed. "Well, you don't have to worry about me trying to come onto you. I get nauseas just breathing. I couldn't imagine what having sex would do."

She let out a hard cackle, smiling with all of her teeth. It was a nice sight to see, even on the brink of death.

"Well," I could tell she was weighing her options. "I guess it's fine. Mind if I borrow some pants? Jeans aren't exactly comfortable."

I just gestured to the dresser. She knew where to find everything. She slipped a pair of joggers out of the drawer, stepping into the closet to change. After, she came over to the bed, her side, and sat on top of the blankets, pushing her pillow up against the headboard, and flipped the TV on.

"Still no requests?" I just shook my head. She started Supernatural, picking up where her and I had left off on the last season, sitting back and watching the screen intently.

After a few minutes, I rolled onto my side, facing her, in a desperate attempt to ease the hard ache in my diaphragm. My body felt sore from dry heaving and the virus that crept through my veins. Eventually, I grew frustrated with the uneasiness each position had me in, growling.

"Come on." She motioned for me to scoot closer, pulling her legs under the covers and half-laying on the pillow. I moved myself to lay my head on her stomach, arm draped over her middle. Her fingers began running through my hair, nails scraping gently over my scalp the way she knew would have me snoozing quickly.

I buried my nose into her shirt, breathing easily. "Hey Leena?"

"Hmm?" She was into the show, but I still couldn't help myself.

"How would Justin feel about us just cuddling?" I smiled, reminiscing of the first time we cuddled on her couch, two years ago.

She snorted, clearly remembering exactly what I was referring to.

"He'll live. You may not. Priorities."

"So I take priority, huh?" My voice was slightly muffled against her, but I was warm all over thinking about it.

"You're the father of my child, Noah. And my best friend. Of course you do."

My hand squeezed her side in a sad attempt for a hug. She gripped my hair a touch tighter at the root, earning her an appreciative moan from me. So fucking relaxing.

"You should get some sleep."

"Are you and him still...a thing?"

I felt her chest heave. "Is that really a good conversation for right now?"

I raised an eyebrow she couldn't see. "We're best friends, right? Just pretend I'm Laura or something."

She laughed at that. "No can do, babe. Laura's prettier than you."

I waved a finger in the air in front of us. "Nuh-uh."

Her body shook with laughter.

"Ah Noah, insufferable as always."

I could only hum at her, my arm falling back to her side.

"You can tell me, Leena. I won't get mad."

Her voice was careful. "Kind of."

"What does that mean?"

"It means exactly that, Noah. Kind of." She sighed. "I like him, but..." She trailed off.

"But what? He’s not as dreamy as you had originally expected?" I smirked at my words, which came out in my voice.

But her words were somber.

"He's not you."

My face fell, processing what she had said.

"Oh."

"Yeah." Her fingers pet my hair softly now, smoothing it down. "Get some sleep, babe. I'll be here."

Even with the firecrackers exploding inside of my chest, the overwhelming exhaustion was taking over, blurring my vision. Sleep overtook me quickly, my eyes closing while her hands soothed me into oblivion.

"I don't love you, Noah. I don't think I ever did."

"She's never going to be with you again."

I pulled at the metal shackles around my wrists and ankles, screaming at the top of my lungs behind the leather bound around my mouth. My skin burned from all over, unable to breathe in enough air to fight any harder.

"This is how you die, Noah. Alone. No happiness. No dignity. No family. You're pathetic." Leena was stood inches from my face, Justin just behind her, staring wickedly.

"She's mine now, bitch."

The veins in my neck strained as I tried to bite down on the bind in my mouth, my flesh bleeding as I pulled against the steel holding them to the table I laid on.

Justin picked up an instrument off of the tray, a long, razor-like blade that looked medieval.

"You deserve this, Noah. For being such a fucking failure." The laugh that pressed out of her was maniacal, bouncing off the hard walls of the dark room. "Addison will never have to see how fucking sad and horrid her father was."

Justin stepped over to me, using one hand to rip the tank top I wore. I pulled harder as he lowered the blade over my stomach.

He smiled at me. "I hope you didn't pay much for these tats, dude, cause they're about to come off."

My eyes bulged, my chest heaving as I shook my head hysterically.

The blade sunk deep into my skin, a sharp, piercing burning flashing over me as I watched the blood pouring out of me.

My screams were wet and desperate, tears flowing down the sides of my face into my hair. I stared at Mileena, begging her to stop this, but she just smiled at me, her yes dark.

"Oh Noah! You're doing great!" Her words were all venom, and I couldn't breathe now, a weight pressing on my chest. I looked up to see Justin pressing his palm down as he dug the blade in deeper, piercing my organs.

Blood pooled in my throat, and I tried spitting it, only for it to fall back down into my mouth, making me choke.

"Noah!" Mileena clapped, smiling wildly. "C'mon Noah!"

"Noah! Noah, wake up!" I felt my body shaking. "Babe! Wake up, honey!"

I startled, my eyes snapping open, and sat up abruptly. My eyes scanned for the trash can, grabbing it and lifting it into my lap, violently throwing up into the bag. I could feel the tears coming out of eyes, and I lifted my head, my body still shaking with sobs.

"Baby," Her hand was on the back of my neck, her voice calm in my ear. "it's okay. Let it out."

Heaving again, I ejected any stomach contents I had before taking a few deep, hard breaths.

"Done?" After a few seconds, I nodded. "Okay, let me take this."

She grabbed the can and stood off the bed, walking back into the bathroom. Returning with toilet paper in her hand, she tore some and handed it to me to wipe my face.

She crawled into my lap, pulling my face into her chest, as I cried hard.

Usually, I try to be masculine about it, crying quietly, privately. However, I was still so shaken by the nightmare, that I let myself wrap my arms around her, wetting her shirt with my hot tears.

She shushed me, rubbing calming circles on my back until I was able to breathe evenly again.

"Bad dream, huh?" I only nodded in response, unable to speak. "Yeah, fever dreams are the worst."

After several long moments, I shifted so she could scoot off of me, standing and heading into the bathroom, running my toothbrush over my tongue and teeth again, washing the taste of stomach acid out of my mouth.

I came back to the bed, pulling her back into me.

"I'm sorry."

We were laid together, tangled on top of the blankets, and she giggled.

"Don't apologize for having a bad dream. You can't control that."

"It was so bad."

She reached a hand up under my shirt, splaying her fingers out on my chest. "Sounded like it. You started screaming."

"Ugh, I'm sorry."

Rather than lecturing me again for apologizing, she just hummed.

"I've got you, babe."

I noticed Supernatural was still on. "How long was I out?"

"About two hours. I think I dozed off a little, too." She traced my skin with a fingertip. "You think you want to try munching some crackers? You're dry heaving so bad because you don't have anything to throw up."

I sighed hard. "I guess."

Another hour, and I was sitting up on the bed, breaking the crackers into four and taking at least fifteen minutes to eat each one. My stomach didn't like it, but needed it. I had earned a love/hate relationship with a sleeve of Saltines, and that's just fitting for my whole fucking life, isn't it?

Mileena was eating a sandwich she had ordered from her favorite spot, pulling pickle slices off of it and popping them in her mouth. We both watched the screen intently, making odd and end comments about the movie we watched.

"This isn't nearly as good as the first one." She spoke around her bite of food.

I shook my head. "Nah. The first Nun was actually a little creepy." I pointed at the TV. "This one is kind of boring, actually.

"Agreed." Leena popped another pickle in her mouth.

I smirked at her. "I still don't get that. Why not just eat them on the sandwich?"

She stuck her tongue out, a perfect round pickle slice sat in the center, and crossed her eyes at me. I stuck my fingers out to pinch her tongue, but she sucked it back in quickly, giggling at me.

Although my stomach still hurt, and wasn't pleased that I had filled it with six crackers and a half of a water bottle, I felt a slight energy surge, so I didn't want to try falling back asleep yet. Not after my last nap. I shuddered at the thought.

Her eyes fell on me, noticing my shiver. "You want to talk about the dream?"

I shook my head, looking down at the cracker I was breaking. "It's fading anyway."

Mileena raised an eyebrow at me. "Mkay, well you let me know if you change your mind." She turned her attention back to the movie.

"What time do you have to go?"

She stood off the bed, balling up the paper from her sandwich, and tossing it in the trash can. "I called Laura after you woke up, and she told me I was fine to stay over if needed. Addie has been really good today, and tomorrow her and Nick are taking the baby to the aquarium."

Expressionless, I tried not to let the hope swell too much in my chest.

Still, I croaked out. "Slumber party?"

She laughed, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door. "Oh sure! We can paint nails and have a pillow fight!" She hollered from behind the door.

"I'm into it!" I yelled back.

"Yeah, well I'm all yours, then."

I smiled triumphantly. If I had known this was how to keep her around, I would've been licking doorknobs ages ago.

She returned, perching back on the bed. Her eyes glanced over to me comfortably, a smooth smile on her face.

"Leena?" She looked back at me over her shoulder. "Seriously, have you told him you're here?"

Her face fell, her gaze dropping to the remote in her hand. "I haven't."

I huffed, leaning back. "Maybe you shouldn't."

Her eyes looked up at me from under her lashes. "Can I be honest with you, Noah?"

My face twisted into a frown. "I expect nothing less."

She turned completely, facing me, and her legs crossed underneath her.

"I'm not good at this." She gestured between us.

I raised a brow. "What do you mean?" I looked over to the nightstand and down at my crackers. "Being a doctor? Could've fooled me."

She rolled her eyes, smiling. "No, dork." She looked back down out her hands. "Being broken up."

My head leaned back against the headboard. "Ah."

"I just," She pressed her lips together. "I miss you. And that makes it so hard, because I know you miss me too. You tell me all the time."

I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. "I do."

"I want to be with you all the time. I think about it all day, every day."

I wouldn't dare interrupt, despite the increasing surge I had to kiss her, touch her, hold her. Anything.

"I damn near talk myself into coming home every day, Noah." Her eyes were getting wetter, and I just wanted to press my lips to her forehead. "But then I remember. Being alone."

My heart twitched.

"I don't know. Justin is...good." Ouch. Didn't need to know that. "He has a good job. He likes me, so much." She rolled her eyes. "He's good-looking, funny. He likes everyone. He respects the hell out of you." Shocking, truly. The feeling wasn't at all mutual.

"But," Her hands fell flat on the bed, a deep breath filling her. "I don't feel what I do when I'm with you."

My face was curious. "And that is?"

"Alive." She stood up then, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the bed. My eyes followed her every move.

"Noah, I spent a long fucking time just...breathing." She stopped, eyes boring into me. "But then I met you, and I felt like something inside me woke up. Like I had been on autopilot, but then, suddenly, I was driving again. At a hundred miles an hour."

I smirked.

"Even now, after all this time, I feel so drawn to you. Like a magnet, or gravity? Maybe that's the same thing, I have no fucking clue."

"It's not. Continue."

She narrowed her eyes at me, but continued pacing. "Either way. I can't find that feeling with him."

She sat on the bed then, right next to me.

"It's like that feeling of being on a roller coaster, when your blood is on fire, and your heart is racing? But then you get off of it? And everything goes back to normal? Do you know what I mean?"

"I do."

"The second I left your hotel room that night, it was like I stepped off the coaster. And for a while, I loved that. It was relieving, not knowing when it was going to drop. It was nice to know that I finally had control." A tear rolled down her cheek. "But then...I hated it. I felt like I was at a standstill."

I lifted my hand, wiping the tear from her cheek, using the other to rest on her shoulder.

"But every time I saw you," Her voice cracked, wet. "it was like I was awake again; alive."

She shook, a cry breaking through her. I pulled her, then, bringing her in close to me. I held one arm around her body, locking her in close to my chest. My other holding the back of her neck, squeezing gently to comfort her as she cried.

"I got you, Leena." I whispered in her ear. "I'm right here."

Her hands gripped my shirt tight, legs pulled up underneath her.

"Babe," I pulled her up so I could look into her eyes. "I know this is so hard. But it's truly whatever you want. Whenever."

I pulled her back down.

"I'm always here, just for you."

She laughed then, a sarcastic sound. "Noah, I can't ask you to sit around and wait for me to figure my shit out."

"You don't have to."

This made her cry harder, and I squeezed her tight.

"I love you Mileena. More than life itself."

Her voice was strained. "God, I love you so much, Noah." She cried between her words. "I miss you so much it hurts."

I felt my own tears brewing. "I know. I do too." I inhaled hard, trying to hold my own hurt back behind my hard exterior. "Every day. Every moment."

"Can we just pretend for today? Can we just act like nothing ever happened? And be us? Please, I'm so fucking tired. I just need one fucking day." Her hands were pulling at me, desperate to get closer.

I wrapped both arms around her in a tight grip.

"Of course we can, baby." I spoke into her hair. "Anything you want, my love."

#fanfic #noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic

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tea-stained · 3 months

Text

we NEED to talk about Cioccolata and Secco.

they are so fucked up. and so beautiful. their chemistry does things to me. the way they interact, think about each other, the way they perceive each other, it's so interesting. i love how disgusting they are. i love the way they are portrayed. i love everything about them.

Cioccolata is this absolutely sadistic, awful piece of shit human being, willing to do everything and anything to satisfy this morbid curiosity of his, never looking at anyone's feelings, probably never experiencing empathy for all of his life, checking just where the breaking point for people is, as if that was the only thing that matters in this wretched world. as a child he'd get pristine grades, constant praise. no faults, it would seem. none at all. i love how he pretty much has no real reason or explanation for his actions, other than a mere it's fun, it's interesting. it's so... cold. so horrifying. so raw, so real.

at the same time, this man is so unbelievably loving towards Secco; is it because he is the only one who understands this passion? because this is the only one who accepts him for who he is? the only one who has seen this side of him without dying or ignoring it? or is it because of that ass NONONO back on track. i am so in love with this contrast. he loves Secco dearly and deeply, no doubt in that. he cares about him, just as much as himself - yes, this selfish man! yes, this man who would murder innocent people in cold blood because of curiosity! yes, this man who would make the elderly kill themselves just for his sick, twisted idea of fun! he takes extra care - knowing it might cost him his life if he makes any sounds - just to send Secco a voice message, praising, reassuring, guiding him. and, honestly? the second voice message feels so heartfelt. "You need to let go". "Only you can do this". Cioccolata probably knows he's as good as dead at this point. these are not the actions or words of someone who is really, truly just using someone. he doesn't need to do any of this. and yet, he goes an extra mile, only to increase Secco's chances of survival.

and when Secco realises, he's... furious. he's mad. they were going to be invincible. undefeatable. this was supposed to prove them more powerful than the boss himself! how dare Cioccolata lose? this feels like an attempt at disconnecting himself from Cioccolata fully. if he says Cioccolata was weak, he is still strong. Secco is better, he didn't lose. it's so defensive.

but now, what really, really gets me about Secco's reaction is a specific line:

"That's why I felt safe following your orders."

safe.

this makes me feel so much. so, so, so much!! it makes me wonder about Secco. so much is unknown about him, but this implies lack of the general feeling of safety in his life before meeting Cioccolata. i can't help but wonder, just how he became his patient... and how they managed the get along.

Secco confessing this means so much. you don't just feel safe around anyone. i do genuinely believe he is mad at Cioccolata for losing, but this also reads like a breakdown, somehow. grief is weird. denial is weird. anger is weird. especially when they all melt together.

to Secco, by dying, Cioccolata is betraying every promise he's ever made.

but at the same time, Secco is emotional. Secco is the type of person to just get carried away by whatever he feels.

i'm in love with the way he's drawn, animalistic like that, his teeth, spit. how nothing is visible other than his eyes and mouth. it's such an interesting choice, much like him stuttering and admitting that Cioccolata tossing sugar cubes is also something he felt safe because of.

they did love each other.

and i feel like it's somewhat poetic, how they both end up in the "combustible trash" truck. at the end, they are both worthy of each other. same trash. that's why i love them.

i can't stop re-reading the chapters they appear in. i need to rewatch their episodes, too, they are straight up calling me.

#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #vento aureo #golden wind #jojo #jojo kimyou na bouken #cioccolata #cioccolata jjba #seccolata #jjba secco #secco jojo #secco #jjba cioccolata

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kimberlyannharts · 6 months

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actually I would love a rant about how JJ sucks as a character

Merry early Christmas to you then, Anon!

Like I think what makes everyone clutching their pearls over the sanctity of JJ’s character and place in the canon so ridiculous is he is barely a character in the first place. He is a plot device in SotD, a narrative goal for Tommy, as the story wasn’t about JJ developing into someone worthy of the Dragon Shield or even an SPD cadet - he's already done all of that. The story was about Tommy realizing he should retire and hand over his stuff already. And you have a son who’s pretty good at being a ranger, so……….he should take it! Great! That’s it. I genuinely don't know why they didn't do some kind of Goofy Movie-esque father/son journey together, especially if you really wanted to discuss this idea of him feeling like he's in his dad's shadow. His existence in the show amounts to namedrops and one voiceover line in the Ninja Steel special, and the only bits of characterization these amount to are he’s a kid who goes to karate camp. To me it comes off like people are attached more to JJ’s POTENTIAL as a character rather than HIMSELF as a character, in like a “well, maybe one day they’ll give him his own book/show/whatever” sort of way, which….it’s been five years since SotD. Hasbro is gearing up to do a reboot and even then, as we’ve talked about many times, they don’t want to put focus on cop characters. Unless some stuff is getting retconned, I am not holding my breath.

The reason I call Minh the superior legacy character by comparison is because there actually was time and space dedicated to showing how she stands out as a person and a character beyond her being Trini’s daughter; in fact, her being Trini’s daughter is the least interesting part about her (in no small part because Trini herself was handled very badly by that special.) What makes her interesting is her personality, her relationship with Zack, how she’s suddenly thrown into the deep end of the PR world by way of great tragedy, and her arc from a vengeful kid to a true hero (the special’s shaky writing of this arc notwithstanding. But at least I get what they were TRYING to do here.) JJ did not have anything CLOSE to that.

Something else about him that’s funny but also frustrating because it’s obviously not intended by the writers, but still happens WAY too often for my liking, is how his existence is honestly a detriment to a lot of women in this franchise kjkfdj he was the catalyst for the old SPD ranking drama, as him being green meant Syd and Z had to stay as pink and yellow (and no, them throwing in some random female OC no one remembers as blue does not make up for it.) And then….Kat……well…..I think this belongs in a discussion that covers more than just JJ, as in a way how they handled Trini in OaA is a very similar situation, but the fact of the matter is that since JJ’s inclusion in the canon Kat’s existence has boiled down to being his mother rather than a veteran ranger with her own life and work, no matter how many times the show and books TRY to be like “No look! See! She’s a super cool badass wife who keeps everyone in line! She’s off doing her own things, too, we swear!” my brother in Christ the same 30th anniversary story that tries to show off how cool and independent she is ALSO has a scene where she’s like “it’s okay honey, you take care of the Ranger missions while I stay home with JJ, it’s fine :)” They’ve made it very clear that JJ is Tommy’s son, Tommy’s legacy, while Kat is his stay-at-home caretaker, WHICH IS FINE FOR A WOMAN TO BE, but not in this narrative, where Kat’s time as a ranger is treated as irrelevant compared to Tommy’s. (A good example is how, in SotD, only Tommy was listed as JJ's emergency contact, with no mention of Kat. I'm almost certain there was an early draft of this book where Tommy did not have a wife.) How do we have two (2) comic stories where we have married TomKat but Kat doesn’t morph. And not as a plot point or character bit or something (I think it actually would be very interesting if Kat not having much attachment to her time as a Ranger was actually intentional) but just in a “we don’t feel like involving Kat in her husband’s adventures” situation. Hello???????? I know that kind of feels off-topic to why JJ sucks but trust me, it’s partly his fault. And it’s why I’m making such a big deal over the potential mother/daughter Ranger teamup for Kim and Olivia, because the alternate mother of Tommy's alternate kid has gotten such a raw deal.

And the SPD/Dragon Shield combo is ugly.

#transmission #anonymous

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my-vash-meryl-stuff · 1 year

Text

You know I made enough serious and angsty posts about Vashmeryl, and for whatever reason my mind remind of an scene in Servant x Service that I think would fit vashmeryl way too much.

(Sorry, I tried to search, but there weren't any videos to embed 🥲)

You can even decide if the scene fits better in any of the versions, or as a canon setting or an AU but basically it goes as it follows:

Vash and Meryl have been dancing around each other for a long time, everyone knows that they like each other, a few others know that they love each other, Vash will even throw around random jokes (*cough* wishful thinking *cough*) about him courting Meryl and calling their friendly outings dates, that never go anywhere because he's too insecure to actually pursue her, and Meryl just kinda lets it slide because she also likes to indulge in that wishful thinking, because she doesn't think Vash means anything serious with it either, because did I forget to mention they're so painfully oblivious to the other's feelings? And maybe more in a selective obliviousness flavor because of their personal hang-ups.

One day as Vash catches Milly having a talk with other coworkers of hers and Meryl and he goes to say hi, but ends up overhearing gossip from them, something that he often sets aside to fill Meryl on, since she's always so focused on work to enjoy them, and in between all the bustling and noise and him attempting to hear, he ends up hearing about Meryl upcoming wedding!! And honestly his expression would probably be worthy of this reaction:

To say that he ends up feeling depressed would be a severe understatement, he is absolutely deflated, dragging himself up everywhere and carrying a cloud over his head with everyone he talks to, breaking into tears if he so much as hears or sees anything romantic, and actually worrying people or downright scaring them because on top of it he goes around talking about nonsensical fatalistic stuff.

When he sees Meryl he debates for way too long on asking her because he's afraid of blowing it up, of crying or yelling, so he barely musters enough courage to ask super vague questions which she only answers with non-committal responses, but because of his state of mind, everything she says is warped into some sort of lovey-dovey filter of her talking sweet nothings about her future husband.

Which is just the type of distorted thinking you would expect someone like Vash to have, especially because most of these conversations tend to go along the lines of this:

Vash: ...So... when it's the big day?

Meryl *thinkin about some weekend plans*: Um, if everything is ready by then in 2 months...

Vash: you... look so happy...

Meryl: Of course! I've been postponing it for a long time and I'm done waiting!

Vash: ...I guess I did make you wait then...

Meryl *thinking about her schedule*: Well you were a little late I guess?

Vash: ...who is he?

Meryl *looking behind her*: Jim ... from accounting I think?

Vash *thinking*: She would marry a random dude instead of me?? 🥺😭

And as it turns out the whole misunderstanding ends up being something dumb, like maybe Meryl being a guest at a coworker's wedding or something of the like, and that he absolutely gets embarrassed when he figures out...

But it also makes him realize that he can't keep hesitanting about his feelings for Meryl.

#vashmeryl #trigun #trigun stampede #tristamp #trigun maximum #trigun manga #hurt/comfort

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ipreferfiction · 4 months

Note

Jiggy.

MY SPECIAL LITTLE GUY MY BLORBO LOVE OF MY LIFE. i am insane about him. he is the character of all time

My first impression: huh. i don't know what's going on here but he seems interesting and competent.

My impression now: i would kill and die for him. he is my favorite character in mdzs and one of my favorites EVER. he has so many layers!! a-yao....

Favorite thing about that character: he's COMPETENT. to an absolutely insane degree. learning what he did about cultivation from shitty useless manuals and forming a golden core as an older teenager/young adult takes an INSANE amount of talent, not to mention HENSHENG??? he is the only (named?) character to have a soft sword, he's adapted bits of fighting styles from multiple major sects, and he's skilled enough with Hensheng that at some point he has shattered multiple spiritual weapons with it. he was a spy under WEN FUCKING RUOHAN for months. he and wwx are entirely responsible for winning the sunshot campaign and he dealt the final blow. also what he did with the song of turmoil?? equally insane amount of talent.

Least favorite thing: the Bad TakesTM. he attracts them like FLIES

Favorite line/scene: Lan Xichen! In this life, I’ve lied countless times, killed countless times. Like you said, I killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son, my teacher, my friend—of all the evil in the world, what haven’t I done?!...But I’ve never even thought of harming you!

i am very normal about them.

honestly his entire Guanyin Temple showing is nuts in the best way and i am chewing on him. close seconds are him on the stairs of Jinlintai looking at Nie Mingjue and going, of course they and I are different! the utter RESIGNATION of it. the truth of it!! he will never be treated like the rest of the cultivation world, he knows it, and Mingjue can't see it like he does!

Favorite interaction that character has with another: every time he and xichen are on screen or on page together is just. so nuts. the box scene. guanyin temple (god!!!!!!!!!! augh). everything cql added in.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more: Qin Su!! she needs more time anyway but god their relationship is SO TRAGIC and i love looking at AUs where the whole marriage can be avoided and there aren't lasting scars left on both jgy and qs from. you know. accidentally marrying your half sibling because your shared father is a rapist. also, we get zero real looks at how their relationship is before everything goes south and it pains me.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character: this is so fucking hard oh my god. there are bits of He Xuan and Ling Wen that i see in him, i think? especially the. "i was born the same day as you and i am cleverer than you but my life was a tragedy and yours was perfect, so why was I not worthy of the same fate you were? why did I get nothing when you got everything?" and the "you know what? I am tired of cleaning up your messes. i am going to cause problems now." he also... i cannot explain this one but his vibes are very similar to Alexander of Tirragen from the Song of the Lioness quartet in my mind. i genuinely truly cannot comprehend WHY those two are associated in my brain, but they are.

A headcanon about that character: he was in love with Xichen and Xichen was in love with him. god bless the cql xiyao agenda.

A song that reminds of that character: lying beast by run river north - it reminds me very much of what he would think of himself esp. towards the end (and guanyin temple)

An unpopular opinion about that character: he and Mingjue's relationship could not have been fixed, or at least not without considerable effort on Mingjue's part, post-Sunshot and especially around the time of the stairs before JGY starts playing turmoil. JGY did not need to put more effort into it! he was already putting effort into it! Mingjue's worldview is fundamentally incompatible with JGY's existence, frankly. It never mattered how hard he tried to mend the relationship because Mingjue would always see him as a liar who was trying to manipulate him, and the sworn brotherhood was not a good idea, Xichen, good god.

Favorite picture: all of them but especially these. i support his wrongs (he has never done anything wrong ever in his life). he is the prettiest man alive and yet!! he suffers! but oh god his thousand yard stare after Mingjue kicks him down the stairs...

#answered asks #jin guangyao #mdzs

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stareyedmoonchildworks · 9 months

Text

Daminette Corpse Bride AU

Well AU-ish

Original Post

So we left off in the land of the living and learned that Marinette's groom is hoping She's not found so he doesn't have to get his hands dirty.

In comes in either Luka or Felix (whichever fits your preference) as they have known the Dupain-Cheng's for some time.

For drama purposes, they could have romantic feelings for Marinette or you go the platonic love route where they are there to see if her groom is worthy of their friend. (He's definitely not worthy.)

When they arrive, they hear the news bellower shouting out the most recent news while ringing the bell.

"EXTRA! EXTRA! The only daughter of the Dupain-chengs goes missing after disastrous rehearsal!"

That has them booking it to the bakery where both families are sitting together trying to figure out how to find Marinette.

However, they notice that it her groom seems to have no interest in finding her as he seems to be zoning everything out. That pisses them off.

After introductions are made, they ask the groom to walk with them, in the guise of finding and clues as to where Marinette could have gone.

They reach the church and go around back to see if there's anything there, and that when Luka/Felix pin her groom to the wall.

"What the hell is your problem?! Your bride is missing, and you don't seem the least bit worried! Don't you love her?! Marinette is an amazing girl, and anyone would be lucky to have her as their partner!"

"If I didn't know any better I would say you love my bride. If she's such an amazing girl as you say then why don't you marry her?" - The groom

This pisses off Luka/Felix more, resulting in the groom getting a black eye.

Now this seem entertaining to the groom, and now wants to marry Marinette out of spite. Just to rub it in their faces.

Perhaps marriage does has its benefits.

When they get back to bakery, they fawned over Marinette's groom. Which he resumed them the black eye was caused by his own clumsiness.

Luka/Felix really don't like him.

In the land of the dead:

Marinette is honestly kinda terrified, but at the same time living her best life

Ever since spending time with the Wayne family she's seen a change with herself.

She's more outgoing and relaxed around them. Especially with Damian.

She honestly thinks that perhaps if she met Damian when he was alive, she would choose to marry him instead.

Damian and Marinette spend a lot of time together. He discovers her interests, the things that make her laugh, her fears, and the fire that hides within her heart.

When he told of her of his family's demise. She didn't show sympathy but rather angled that someone would do such a thing to them. Especially after learning all the good they did for their community.

It almost looked like she was about to commit murder.

Just when he thought he couldn't fall for her anymore.

Meanwhile his family are spying from a reasonable distance. Some are even hiding in some of the coffins lying around the area.

They are so invested in this relationship. More than they should be.

"I never seen baby bird fall this hard for someone before" - Dick

"Tell me about it. He didn't even show half of the emotion he's showing her to his ex-fiance" - tim

"She could do better." - Jason

"Shut up, Jason" practically everyone in the batfam

"Fuck you!" - jason

Don't get Jason wrong her loves the "demon spawn," and loves Marinette, bit he's a realist.

He's read the vows, and come on, Damian's a dead dude.

"Till death do us part." Dpnes anyone else remember that line? No? Just him? OK then.

He really hates the fact that they are setting themselves for heartache.

One day, Marinette asks Damian why they haven't moved on yet.

He tells her it is because he knew his family was so excited to see him get married, and when it was about to happen, they all died. He wanted to make them proud, and show them that they didn't need to worry about him no more.

"Eell, if you want I could marry you." - Marinette

"I couldn't ask that of you Marinette," - Damian

"But I want to." - Marinette

Damian swears his long since dead heart skipped a beat .

They announce the wedding and Marinette says it will be upstairs.

Everyone is excited.

Cue the scean where everyone is getting ready for the wedding here.

In the land of the living

Everyone is freaking out the dead is brought back to life.

Then, realise they mean no harm. Live relatives get to spend some time with those who have long since passed.

Luka/Felix see Marinette in her wedding dress in the crowd of the dead and can't help but feel a sense of dread wash over them

Her original groom sees the Wayne family with Marinette and can't help but feel fear and anger.

At the church, the ceremony is being held when Luka/Felix come in when they said speek now or forever hold your peace woth her original groom in tow

* insert shocked wedding guests here*

A dual breaks out between luka/Felix between Damian.

Marinette's original groom hold her back to keep her from interfering. He's high-key hoping that Luka/Felix die

Some how they talk it out during the dual and Damian realizes that luka/Felix what the same thing as him; for Marinette to be happy.

He turns to Marinette, and getting a good look at her original groom, he says their name.

"Hello, Damian. It's funny seeing you and your family here when you should all be 6 feet under." - Marinette's original groom, he says, pulling out a knife and holding it up against Marinette's throat.

It is here we find out the Original Groom and his family worked for the Wayne's and where the ones to poison them.

Turns out the original groom was greedy, always wanting what he couldn't have. Thus, he manipulated his family to help him commit murder and steal the Wayne family fortune.

He fights with the Wayne's + Luka/Felix and is able to hold his own.

He tires and gives Marinette up,

congratulating her on having such great mates.

They all glare at him and watch as he drinks from the chalice that Damian told Marinette only he would drink from.

*insert dying noises here*

Everyone dead minus the the Wayne's and Alfred go to give Marinette's original groom a "warm welcome"

Spoiler: it was not welcoming at all.

Marinette hugs luka/felix as Damian watches.

Damian sees she's in good hands and can't help but feel at peace knowing that.

Turing to him, Marinette asks if he still wants to continue the wedding, but he says no.

Little my little he and his family start to turn into butterfly.

Damian then tells her that he no longer wishes to be married bow that he is happy and at peace. It is then revealed that that is why the rest of his family stayed behind.

All they wanted was to finally see him happy.

Marinette gave him a bone crushing hug which he reciprocated, and one by one the rest of his family joined in.

Marinette cries when they all disappeared, and all that was left between her arms was air.

Luka/Felix held her until she felt better.

After the event her original groom's family was held accountable as accomplices to murder.

The Dupain-Cheng bakery saw an influx of customers and were able to expand their business, with the help of Luka/Felix

Marinette happily stays single, and lives out her wildest dreams.

Maybe even adopts in the future

Alternative ending 1:

Marinette and luka/Felix spend more time together after the event

Slowly fall I'm love

Marinette is still able to live out her dreams with a supportive partner.

They get married

Alternative Ending 2:

Rather than moving on Damian and his family come back to live, able to once more walk amongst the living.

"If I had a nick for every time I died and was brought back to life, I'd have two Nicole. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice," Jason

"The first time doesn't count as it was faked," tim

"I'm alive! How many years has it been? Do you think Barbara and Wally are older than me now or..., " Dick, just happy to be alive and able to contact friends.

Duke and Cass are smiling, happy to be alive, and for Marinette and Damian, finally able to be together.

Damian is hugging Marinette happy he is able to hold her in his arms. Happy that he can be with her

Alfred and Bruce have to interupt them, so they can formally meet Marinette's family, and press charges against her original grooms family.

A year later Marinette is walking aboung the aisle with her father.

Luka/Felix is her best man

Damian feels like he's the luckiest man in the world.

Alternative Ending 3:

The boys don't make it on time to object.

Marinette decides she'd rather be with someone eho makes her happy.

He drinks from the Chalice even though Damian tried to talk her out if it.

" I'd rather be with you in death rather than later marry someone who I can not bring myself to feel the way I do when I am with you." - Marinette

"Are you sure this is what you want?" - Damian

Marinette smiles and drinks from the chalice.

When the boys arrive, those of the dead are long gone, and so is Marinette

She and the Wayne's live happily ever after in the afterlife.

The end.

Tags:

@zalladane @draco-kasai @heldtogetherbysafetypins @emilykeys

#maribat #dc x miraculous #mlb x batman xover #maridami #mlb x dc #corpse husband #corpse bride au #daminette #honestly i got kinda lazy and some bs pop out #sorry about that #anyways it's around 4 AM where I'm at and i need sleep #or coffew #haven't decided yet #also yes Marinette lovers her parents #and she wouldn't die without them being ok #but the last bit is if she chose to be a little selfish

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heronpoxed · 1 year

Note

I decided to re-watch SOA, idk why because I know how painful it will be lol. Anyways, I loved tara when I first watched the show and I love her now. I truly do not understand the hate she gets. I have my own theories on why she get's so much hate, but I'm wondering what your take on it is. I find it especially disgusting the hate she gets from many women in this fandom. They seem to hate tara yet give a free pass to all the horrible things most of the men on this show did, its wild lol

hii<33 i’m so happy you deemed me worthy enough to ask for my opinion on this topic lol

First off, don’t be hard on yourself for rewatching SOA. God knows I’ve rewatched it way too many times even though it always results in my anxiety and unease.

Anyway, I truly believe that i’m gonna get k!lled for this but still, buckle up we have much to discuss. Honestly, this is gonna be a long one.

SPOILERS for anyone who hasn’t seen the show till the end!

There are many reasons why people hate Tara and I’m sure you notice most - if not all - of them but at the end of the day it all comes down to misogyny, internalized misogyny and favoritism. As you said, they excuse every horrible thing that men do because it’s a men-centered show with very attractive male characters. Trust me, if Charlie was not conventionally attractive everyone would’ve hated Jax lol and it’d be absolutely laughable if anyone said otherwise.

It shouldn’t come as news to anyone how sexist and misogynistic most of the SOA fandom is. I’ve talked about this before and say it again that the fans of this show (especially women) are so quick to put blame on female character’s horrible behavior for the shit that male characters build the foundation for. For example, as much as I dislike both Ima and Colette it wasn’t exactly their fault that they were so present in the club life. It wasn’t as if both Jax and Opie hadn’t been more than willing to sleep with Ima. They both let her be a part of SAMCRO, which as a result affected their families. And then seeing both these men treat Ima like shit and even get physically violent with her was fucking awful to watch because they were the ones who had done the damage in the first place. Same goes for the Colette situation. Jax was the one who allowed her to sleep with him yet the fandom is calling her a wh*re. As if sex doesn’t happen among multiple people.

Disgusting and frustrating as hell!

People hate Tara for numerous reasons:

- they think she’s annoying

- they think she’s indecisive

- they hate that a wife tried to take the sons away from a father

- they think her methods were questionable

- ‘she had an out and she didn’t take it and now reprimands Jax for it’

- they think she never cared about Jax and didn’t love him as much.

- ‘she betrayed him’

- she knew what she was signing up for when she decided to date Jax

- she doesn’t own up to her mistakes.

- some of them actually hate her because they don’t see chemistry between Maggie and Charlie which blows my mind. You may think that a couple lacks chemistry but hating a female lead for it is a bit extreme, not to mention utterly misogynistic.

To me, Tara’s only crime was her hair in season 6 lol but on a more objective note:

Y’all see selfishness and betrayal while what I see is Tara prioritizing and choosing Jax over and over again because she’s holding onto the promises that Jax made to her (that he ultimately kept breaking), the idea of having a peaceful family and onto the bond that they had when they first fell in love (she says as much in 6x13). Anyone who says that Tara was selfish and never cared for or deserved Jax is completely out of line because if anything, Tara loved and valued Jax more that he ever did her (see: constant infidelity). The answer to why Tara didn’t leave until the last possible minute is simple: she loved him.

People also seem to ignore the fact that leaving Charming and giving their children a peaceful life was what both Tara and Jax wanted. The guy literally gave his baby up to some strangers FFS even after everything that he and SAMCRO went through to finally track Abel down (one of the saddest scenes on the show, mind you). Taking one look at Abel’s adoptive parents was enough for Jax to know that his life would only be harmful for the baby. I don’t see anyone reprimand Jax for that?!?! If it weren’t for Gemma’s non-stop gnawing and Opie’s death, he wouldn’t have lost sense of what he wanted since the fist episode(!!) - to give his kids a better life.

People accuse Tara of being ‘indecisive,’ saying that she willingly turned down an out when she had it etc. well let me ask you this: and Jax wasn’t?!?! It literally goes both ways. I could write a whole goddamn essay on this one. Tara couldn’t make up her mind on whether or not she should’ve stayed with Jax just like Jax couldn’t make up his own on if he wanted Tara gone or not. I’m sick of people ignoring that. Jax and Tara’s entire dynamic is this constant back and forth between their morals. People call Tara annoying and indecisive for this but call Jax ‘complex’ and ‘complicated’ and ‘conflicted’ while doing the exact same thing. Another case of sexism and misogyny.

When people say that Tara knew what she signed up for when she decided to be with Jax, they aren’t wrong. She did know. However, it was very clearly shown on SOA that despite being involved in a risky illegal business, this constant trouble and bloodshed was not normal for the club. The entire time Tara was gone, everything unfolded discreetly and with minimal trouble that never affected the families of the club members. Almost the entirety of seasons 1 and 2 Gemma kept assuring Tara that it wasn’t always this troublesome with them and Jax kept assuring her that he’d fix things. Tara just came back at a bad time when everything went to shit and kept going to deeper shit. What Tara signed up for was the promise that things would go back to normal because peace and discretion used to be SAMCRO’s normal.

To all those questioning Tara’s methods for taking Thomas and Abel away let me tell you this: while it was risky and morally gray, it was literally what Jax wished John Teller had done for him and his brother Thomas. If you rewatch 4x01 Jax says that John should’ve ran Gemma’s ass over, taken him and Thomas and gotten the hell out of Charming in response to Tara reminding him that Gemma wouldn’t have let them go. This, once again, comes back to Jax losing his sense of direction after Opie’s death. If Jax was okay with John ‘running’ Gemma over, then he’d also be okay with Tara doing the same thing.

So this is what Tara did, ‘ran Gemma’s ass over’ (in a sense) to get her kids away from that life - something that Jax wanted his own father to do for him and something that he himself actually would’ve done if it came down to it.

And don’t forget that it was the circumstances that forced Tara to consider being a rat. She never wanted to rat on her husband and the club. She says as much to Lee Toric in prison. And those saying that she wasn’t owning up to her mistakes clearly ignore or fail to see that Tara hated her plan the entire time and she was constantly at war with herself. She knew full well that her plan wasn’t that of a saint but she did what she thought she had to do. Her heart was in the right place from day 1 and if anything she was the one who got betrayed in the end because Unser, Wendy, Lowen - they all chickened out and left her to fend for herself in complete chaos.

People even prefer Gemma to Tara even though she’s literally evil incarnate willing to kill her husband to maintain the power that comes with the club. It’s all because Gemma is a w*t dream of every person that’s a victim of patriarchy. Most of the fandom believes that you only deserve rights as a woman if you’re badass like Gemma lmao.

We all know the entire point of the show I’m not gonna elaborate any further on that one. The scene between Jax and Patterson in 6x13 speaks for itself. Tara, as a character, served as a reminder of that point. People literally take Jax’s side over hers only because he is hot lol. Every single decision that Tara made in the entire show is literally backed up by logic and reasonable evidence within the TV show itself. Even Kurt Sutter was shook on the amount of hate that she got and has stated multiple times that Tara was always right.

However, it is also worth noting that most of us Gen Z are team Tara, which makes me think that the hate toward her comes from the more closed off mindset of the older generation (obviously this doesn’t include everyone).

So yeah, the answer to your question is misogyny.

Sorry for this enormous answer but I can literally defend Tara non-stop till the day I d!e. If there’s anything else you’d like to know you can ask me or message me any time It’d be my pleasure<3 and feel free to share ur theories. I’m very curious about them.

#i am not a tara apologist because tara has nothing to apologize FOR #she deserved better #she deserved the best version of her husband #sons of anarchy #soa #tara knowles teller #tara knowles #jax teller #samcro #jara #jax x tara #tara x jax #tara and jax #jax and tara #maggie siff #charlie hunnam

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ofmermaidstories · 10 months

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Hi, I've been meaning to tell you this for a while now but I kept getting shy lmao but I wanted to say how funny I found it that in chapter 4 of SJLT, it seems like Deku and Scribbs really hit it off, like multiple times 😂 it seems so in character for him and I can't figure out why? I love that he's characterized like a little pervert throughout the fandom, and not that them going at it multiple times is preverted, it just seems so in line with someone like Deku to be very enthusiastic now that this door to physical intimacy has opened 😂 and he's diving head first!

As opposed to Weeds and Kacchan! Their situations were different because Deku was at the gala and it was a normal Tuesday for Kacchan when he made his move, but I didn't get the impression Kacchan was waking Weeds up in the middle of the night for round 2 😂 I don't know! It somehow matches their character and how they approach physical intimacy maybe? I don't know if any of that was on purpose, but it felt right regardless. Kind of a silly thing to praise but I enjoyed it! Adds more to them and their relationships I think. Loved it! Have a nice day!

omg lmfao hi hi hi, hello. okay okay, i actually have some thoughts about this—like, why so many of us characterise Izuku as uh, more intense than we might do with others LOL, and i think it just boils down to his sincerity! like, it’s so earnest and disarming, right? he goes after the things he wants and believes in with like, very little regard to what he should do—so it’s so so easy to imagine him chasing the physical rush of being with someone in the same way. especially someone he’s been pining for! izuku seems so easily overwhelmed with how he feels, both good and bad—and being intimate with someone is overwhelming! especially if you’ve wanted it for a while. i think his being so ready to throw down and roll down is just another way for him to express that. 🥹

to be fair to Katsuki, he was at Weed’s late on a work night, after a work day, and also had to go back into work early the next morning LMAO. he stole what time he could and made the most of it and then got some goddamn sleep afterwards. 🥹 i do think they’d approach sex and intimacy differently, in very telling ways! like kacchan’s more relaxed, honestly—both in the fics and in canon, in some regards. whereas izuku and scribble’s first time is about being unleashed, kacchan’s and weeds was more… idk! surrendering, lmfao (title drop 🎤). everything is important, when it comes to like—showcasing someone. 🥺 how they brush their teeth (or not), how they come to a pause at a traffic light—how they meet someone else halfway, and come together. i’ve always read izuku as like, unconsciously needing to take as much as he can, once he’s sure it’s his to have. he had to fight for OFA, he had to break himself apart to be granted it—and now he wields it and has made it his own. as far as we know, he is the last holder of it—it’s his to have. compare that to kacchan—kacchan who was born with an incredible power, who got used to being given things—only to then get the shit kicked out of him, come his teenage years, and shown why being given something incredible wasn’t enough to guarantee greatness. i like to think that as an adult that would give kacchan a sureness, in all things—when he’s given something incredible now, he’s not going to take it for granted or some divine right. he’s not going to rush with it. he’s going to take his time and prove he’s worthy. those fundamental ways that they’ve both been challenged and reinvented would inform everything they do—even how they’d touch, or want to touch, someone they love. 🥺🌷

#ofmermaidstories-asks #i got a good cackle out of this when i read it anon lmfao so thank-you #happy sunday/monday for when you see this🎐🌾#something just like this — fic #surrender-fic verse

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cloudycleric · 1 year

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stranger things 3 hot take: jonathan was in the right during the rogue investigation plot line with nancy.

i’m not sure how unpopular of an opinion this is (or even if it’s an unpopular opinion at all) but i’ve held this view for a long time & wanted to share it.

for those who don’t remember, in s3 of stranger things there is a plot line in which nancy wants to pursue a rogue investigation against the hawkins post, write about it, & present the writing to the staff to get them to believe that she was worthy of being a real journalist.

she receives a call after hours from a hysterical woman saying a rat is eating her fertilizer & that possibly some disease is being spread around the rats in the town. nancy convinces jonathan to come along with her (after he repeatedly says it’s a bad idea) & take pictures as she goes to interview the woman.

honestly i think this was really entitled of nancy, but i can see why she did what she did. she was a victim of constant misogyny in the workplace & publicly shamed for the littlest mistakes in her performance. she was dead set on become a journalist & felt the need to prove herself, so when she was offered a lead she followed it, despite knowing that if the story lead to nothing she (& probably jonathan as well) would get fired.

my hot take isn’t that nancy was in the wrong for pursuing the case, it’s more about her involvement of jonathan. he needed the job as joyce is a single mother & works (probably minimum wage) job at a grocery store. though the staff at hawkins post liked jonathan, his antics would have probably got him fired. nancy deciding to involve jonathan was very apathetic to say the least.

nancy would be just fine without her job at the hawkins post, she lives in an upper working class house & doesn’t have to worry about income to pay bills or for food, etc etc. but jonathan took the job to not only be with nancy but also to support his family. nancy pressuring jonathan despite most likely knowing this fact just always seemed a little selfish to me. sexism is a bitch, but by putting jonathan’s job at stake (when she could have gone alone or tried to do the photography herself, which jonathan probably owned a couple of cameras or at least was using some owned by the hawkins post) was uncalled for, especially with jonathan’s home situation.

this is by no means a bash on nancy’s character or jonathan, i love them both in their own way, i just feel like people don’t talk about this enough lol

#stranger things #stranger things 3 #oliver hot take #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers

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svt-vivi · 2 years

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Vivi w/ HHU

synopsis: vivi's relationship w/ the members of the hip hop unit

S. Coups

#seungji (승지)

he was slightly skeptical when she joined the official line up really close to debut as she was the only girl

but everything worked out as she fit in perfectly with the boys

since vivi was growing up without a father, he really filled in that spot for her

he became someone she always relies on and trust wholeheartedly growing up but she drifted away as she knows all the hardship he has as a leader

but she knows he’s always there for her so if she’s in a pickle and needs someone to help, he’s the first one she will call always

he's just tad more protective of her compared to the boys

especially after all the hate she got when they debuted for being the only girl and when her mother past away

constantly making him overly anxious

he's always making sure she doesn’t cause trouble and keeps her away from danger

literally tons of complications of him doing small and big acts to ensure she doesn’t hurt herself

pats her head often

spoils her like hell (the girl can get away w/ anything)

Wonwoo

#viwon (비원)

their ship name means secret garden (i hope)

these two became close pretty fast

everyone else was intimidated by them so they usually just sat in silence at the back of the practice room together for the first few days

which only made them more intimidating to everyone else

eventually they had a conversation that neither of them remember and began to warmed up to each other

he always recommends new games to check out and play together

she is not the best but loves to play and learn all the tricks from him

when theres a horror movie she's dying to watch she drags him to watch with her

bc he's the only member that's willing to watch scary movies

and bc she needs someone to protect her

he goes to her when writing lyrics to get s woman's opinion

she sometimes tries on his glasses and she has to take a step back bc of how blurry her surroundings become

Mingyu

#minji (민지)

ship name means sharp intellect (i hope)

the visual combo

literally give everyone heart attack when they stand next to each other bc their beauty is through the roof

but also the height difference

a giant & a midget

hides behind him when she doesn't want to be seen

lots of people often confuse them as siblings for their tan skin tone

loves to bully him w/ the other members (only out of love ofc)

the two love to cook together so they are almost always taking over the dorm’s kitchen to cook for the group

they give each other different recipes they want to try

he's always cleaning up after her bc her room always looks like her closet exploded

her personal photographer

literally hunts him down bc she says no one else understands the importance of photos and can never get the right angles

Vernon

#2V, #jisol (지솔)

he helped her adjust so much as a trainee

her korean was terrible and she was at risk of being kicked out as a trainee but he taught her korean and made it so simple for her to understand so she was able to write better korean raps

honestly if it wasn’t for their fluency in english, these two would have been awkward for a long time

so now they usually write lyrics together and get each others opinion

they have a lot of deep weird conversations

just two chill buddies

but sometimes she like how you r this chill????

if the two are out together eating and she has left overs (which is all the time), he’ll eat it for her

she is friends sophia

he pretty sure she is closer to sophia than him

sharing earphones to listen to each other music during car rides bc she always curious about what music he's into lately

has so many meme worthy photos of him on her phone and she always has one of them as her phone screen

#svt-vivi #14th member of seventeen #seventeen female member #svt 14th member #seventeen 14th member #seventeen oc #seventeen female oc #seventeen female addition #seventeen au #seventeen imagines #kpop addition #kpop female addition #kpop female oc #kpop oc #kpop extra member

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bixbythemartian · 2 years

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Can you elaborate on New Line Cinema being cowards? Also would love to know more about Rick Berman in this context?

Sure! This is a bit of a long one, sorry in advance.

So the official reason that Guillermo del Toro left the Hobbit is that it was taking too long, and he had other contractual commitments that he had to leave for- that he hadn't expected it to take this long. (I think that's unlikely, it was well-known how much time had been spent on the LotR movies, and I doubt del Toro expected to spend that much less.)

The actual reason is that MGM/New Line Cinema simply would not greenlight Guillermo del Toro's version in the movie. They'd already spent two years on pre-production, and the studio wouldn't give them the go ahead to film.

This lack of greenlight was blamed on the shuffle of MGM going up for sale at the time, but it was later clarified that was not the reason. As far as I can tell, no official reason was given for not greenlighting the del Toro Hobbit movies.

Guillermo del Toro left because he had no idea when or even if he'd be able to start filming. He'd already put two years of work into it, and was staring down the barrel of watching that work all going down the drain. I don't blame him for leaving, it was the right decision for him to make.

It seems probable (though we'll probably never have a firm confirmation) that the studio was trying to pressure Jackson into directing the Hobbit movies, even though he was adamantly against doing it. Given that he did end up doing it, instead of the many worthy potential replacements for del Toro, I feel relatively confident that this is the case.

Jackson's on record as saying that he's unhappy with the results- because they spent two years of pre-production on movies that ended up not being made, they had to scrap a lot of work and money that had already been spent, and a lot of the movies were done by the seat of his pants rather than the careful planning and meticulous pre-production that had gone into the original LotR movies (and would have gone into the del Toro Hobbit movies). They're not the movies he would have made if he'd had the reins the whole time, and he didn't want to make those movies in the first place, which was why del Toro was in line to make them.

So when I accuse New Line Cinema of cowardly acts, it's because I believe that they starved del Toro out of the movies to force Peter Jackson to take the reigns, because they wanted the LotR name with the new Hobbit movies and were unwilling to take a chance on anybody but Peter Jackson directing the movies. It ended up ruining the Hobbit movies, and I honestly think it also smashed Jackson's directing career right in the kneecaps.

I don't blame Jackson personally for what happened to the Hobbit movies, though I know some do.

As far as Berman goes- I won't go so far as to say that Rick Berman ruined Star Trek. He arguably had a lot to do with keeping the franchise alive, especially with the first two seasons of TNG being kind of lackluster. What happened with the franchise is probably the fault of UPN, if there's one sole entity to blame, tbh.

However, a number of the cast members of TNG, Voyager, and DS:9 (usually at conventions- most of my knowledge on this has been gathered from watching con videos of star trek panels) have since said and/or implied that he was misogynistic and homophobic, and that impacted what kinds of stories the shows (and movies) were allowed to tell. Some have been more forthright than others about it, and Berman has his defenders, as well.

(It's entirely possible that some people from Enterprise have also spoken up about this, I just haven't seen it, as I was never much of a fan of that show.)

Points is, the shows would have probably been gayer and treated the female characters better without his direct influence, though we'll never know for certain (especially since there would likely be network squashing of such things, as well), hence it being one of my smaller white whales.

#long post #ts for long post

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takorossi · 1 year

Text

Pentagon as Pentagon Songs / Covers

(... that I associate them with, purely self-opinion)

Jinho

hmmm "Someday - Song By JINHO, HUI"?

i feel like Jinho really slayed the vocals on that one you know

if it's not "Someday" then it would probably be "Round 2 - Bonus Track" because #jinhoWWEcommentator era

"Spring Snow"!!!!!! SPRING SNOW.

spring snow.

i loved how excited he was at wanting to perform "Spring Snow" for Road to Kingdom

and also the feels

Hui

would it be basic if i said "Shine"??? not if it's the truth ...

"Shine"

because come on, we all know why it's "Shine", what are you talking about if it's not "Shine"???

maybe "Happiness" because i felt like Hui in that M/V was pretty memorable

but also his line in "Organic song" (E'dawn, Yuto, Woo Seok With Hui), both in the original when Dawn performed it by himself in Pentagon Maker and also the released track

"Basquiat"?? VOCAL KING.

Hongseok

honestly the first thing that comes to mind is "Very Good - PENTAGON Version" (originally by Block B) from RTK

the chocolate abs left an impression

and also the "it's okay as long as he doesn't dance inappropriately afterwards" - an RTK staff member

"Dr. Bebe"

the chocolate back left an impression

"Sparkling Night" because his Oppa-ness really popped off there, ESPECIALLY in this Special Live Clip, wow that video really took me to heaven and back you know, i ascended

Shinwon

if i'm going for associated images seared into my brain, i would pick "DO or NOT" because #jokershinwon era and also "Feelin' Like" even though i know he doesn't like it because POOL SHINWON??? shinwon with GLOVES??? ma lord almighty,,,

if i'm going for music music, it would be "Daisy" because he does my favourite line in that entire song ("haengbokhaeya dwae") in that whisper/breathy tone, sorry i'm just simping at this point

but by that logic, i would also associate him with "Naughty Boy" because of the chicken lyric ... it really stuck

if i don't put "One Shot" here, am i really a Shinwon fan?

so "One Shot" because he wrote it

Yeo One

"Pretty Pretty", definitely

high school Yeo One.

nerd Yeo One era.

mushroom Yeo One era.

Yeo One with GLASSES.

also "Eat" (originally by Zion.T) because :( Pentagon Maker :( Yan An :( comfort chocolate :( ("saranghae ... yO")

Yeo One's verse in "Round 1 - Bonus Track", specifically the part where he goes "nappeun saram ... Yanan, Yanan, Yanan"

Yanan

"Feelin' Like"

muscles.

absolute massive badonkerhonker muscles.

but also "Daisy" because i really like the way he dances in it, feels floaty and nice

also "Eat", for the same reasons as Yeo One

also "Round 1", specifically the part where he goes "(ya geuraedo bang gachi sseuneunde) HWAJANGSHI!!!"

Yuto

probably an unpopular opinion but "Shine" is one of them

his rap and the transition back to the group formation in their "Shine" stages left a sensation in my brain that i don't know how to explain

that one unique #notlikeothergirls "Yuto-da" in "Fantasystic"

those verses of Japanese rap in "Cerberus"? chef's kiss.

that low-toned Wooseok!mock-scream in "Round 2"

Kino

first of all, "Dr. Bebe", for less superficial reasons than Hongseok

like i really, and i mean REALLY love his entire persona in "Dr. Bebe"

from the stages to M/V, the facial expression and stature and makeup were EVERYTHING

in chinese, there's this thing we call 病态 (bìng tài), which directly translates to "state of being sickly" and it sounds kind of wack if you put it like that, but basically the way he embodied that psychological inner warfare in his dance and expressions was absolutely Oscar-worthy

"Daisy" because of his tattoo, and his florist dreams, and his dance, and that mafia dance variety thing they did

just. "Daisy". yeah.

Wooseok

i don't know if it's because of his unique rapping tone, but i associate him with a lot of Pentagon's songs

i mean he wrote and composed my absolute favourite Pentagon song, "BAD"

he also did "Nostalgia", which i like

his verse in "Sparkling Night"??? vocal Wooseok???

"Naughty Boy"??????????

okay that one because i hated his hair in it, i'm sorry Wooseok

but also i felt like he was so intrinsically linked with that song for some reason

it just screamed Wooseok to me

uhm

"The Magic Flute ("Der Hölle Rache" - Queen of the Night aria)"

oops

i'm sorry that was just for the crack i swear

#pentagon #ptg #pentagon headcanons #pentagon imagines #pentagon scenarios #crack #jinho #hui #hongseok #shinwon #yeo one #yanan #yuto #kino #wooseok

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valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn · 2 years

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Just got back from L&T. Thoughts under the cut. But first, a pic of my girl (sorry, I mean, Your Majesty 👑):

So I have a few negatives to talk about but let's start with the positives.

The scene with Thor and Zeus when he's trying to convince him to join him against Gorr reminded me so much of his talk with Odin in TDW. At some point I thought they were trying to draw some parallels... but honestly I don't know if it's just me seeing things when there's nothing. Either way, I liked it.

Thor's speech to the kids towards the end was touching.

Val handling King duties and enjoying it was lovely to see.

Jane explaining the Einstein-Rosen bridge while under chemo. She was never boring and that enthusiasm is contagious. "You just destroyed your book!" - "Yeah! But now you understand wormholes!". She's lovely and I'll miss her.

Heimdall! My beloved. Only for 10 seconds but hey, I'll take whatever they give me, I love that man. Shorter hair too!

And this is something between a positive and a negative: I like that Thor said to Quill something in the lines of (I'm paraphrasing here): "You have a team that cares for each other, I never had that". I actually liked it because from what we've seen in the movies he had 4 friends who seemed to follow him and look up to him but we never saw him having a deep conversation with them, to me they were more party/battle friends than anything and Thor always stroked me as a very lonely person despite being a prince. Not to mention the Avengers never truly showed any interest, let alone compassion, especially in EG. So that line is interesting to keep in the movie...... that is, if you do something with it. But they just had him say it then ignored it for the rest of the movie. It's such a lost opportunity. Imagine Thor shit-talking the Avengers and setting the record straight after EG... if only.

Now, the negatives.

I don't understand all this talk about worthiness. If Ragnarok was supposed to teach Thor and the audience anything is that being worthy is utterly meaningless! Lifting Mjolnir was always entirely subjective, reliant on a bunch of rules dictated by a deeply flawed character like Odin. Thor is supposed to know he doesn't need that hammer or the axe or anybody's approval. He's the golden child, if he doesn't learn that then his arc keeps going in circles, and round and round it goes. It makes no sense.

I can't believe 2 movies in since she was introduced and my girl Val does not get a name. I appreciate people calling her Val but surely she's got a name, right? And her horse? I'll say this though: I don't remember them giving him a name but I'm grateful, if they call him anything but Aragorn my URL is truly fucked 😜

Why bring Sif back? She's the LAST connection Thor has to his old life. I was so happy to see her again since I genuinely thought he was going to lose it or they were gonna have some chat or something, but nah, they share one scene that's eerily similar to Thor 1 and they're good to go.

Once again character development is done in a rushed one-minute sequence. I watch these movies because I care about these characters, if that means you add 25 minutes to the damn movie then do so. If that means you cut a few fights then do so.

Thor realizing he wants and needs love is nice but giving him a kid is not the way to go, that's giving him someone to care for when he should be caring ABOUT AND FOR HIMSELF.

What kind of relationships does he have with Val and the others? A bunch of scenes with the Guardians and all I saw were screams and nothing more when that team is more a family than anything else, they wouldn't go about it like the Avengers (battle together then each member goes their own way), the Guardians care.

I would have wanted to see how the Asgardians are adapting to Earth or a bit more from New Asgard. Jane gets a statue, that's cool, no statues for anybody else though?

Oh the """queer rep""".... we were told she would look for her Queen but of course that didn't happen, I wish I could say I'm surprised but I'm not. And she doesn't even get to say anything, it's Korg who says "girlfriend" and leaves it at that? You know what, it's far worse to have this, I'd rather not have anything. If this is as far as they're willing to go please STOP. Everyone is straight, that's easier to digest.

Also, it's so fucking annoying to see people erasing her identity and saying she's a lesbian. No she isn't, Valkyrie is bisexual. We have enough bi erasure as it is, don't contribute to it.

And speaking of my girl... where the fuck is her arc? She gets no story, her pegasus is only on screen a couple times, she seems to be enjoying being a King so why not show that and how she's growing from being a warrior raised to kill to becoming someone trustworthy who loves her people and learns the humans' rules so she can defend them? Also she's still not redeemed, she has never said anything about how she feels after being raised to kill and commit genocide, how she felt about Odin (when Gorr was telling her I was almost begging! for her to speak up). I will admit I jumped when she was stabbed though. I may have a weird definitely non-healthy attachment to her lol

The problem about introducing new and powerful cities and weapons while Feige keeps parroting all that bs about "connected universe" is that it makes previous movies absolutely useless. So Thor knew about Omnipotent City? Why not go there in IW instead of Nidavellir then? Once you open the portal to Eternity why not kill Gorr and ask for anything...

Gorr the God Butcher who's shown on-screen killing the crazy amount of......... one god in the entire movie. So much for butchering.

"Lady Thor", "the name is Mighty Thor or Dr Jane Foster", I knew she was going to say that. Way too forced. You want feminism, Marvel? Flesh out the female characters and stop giving them the suits and powers of their male counterparts.

And lastly, what Mjolnir means to Thor. What that hammer represents is his past, his family, the time when stability was ensured and he had everything he wished for, back in the day when he didn't know the lies and what was hiding underneath the golden palace and his father's machinations. His attachment to Mjolnir in reality what it hides is his subconscious desire to go back to that time, which is exactly why he should despise that hammer! Not through hate for Hela but disappointment and anger towards his father.

All I keep seeing in these movies is Thor not growing up or out of his golden child status and I HATE IT. And it seems the only way they know to make characters "grow" is by giving them a romance or a kid... these characters need self-love, how is it possible that these writers and directors don't understand that familial, romantic, etc love is not the same as self-love? That you can have a million people who love you and still not love yourself?

Overall this is clearly the worst Thor movie for me, worse than Ragnarok, and I give it a 4/10 and I'm being generous (3,5 of those are for Val 😂). I still love Thor though, there are.... flashes of his old self and while short they remind me why I've always been a big fan of his.

Thor honey, you deserve so much more than this.

#Thor #thor: love and thunder #thor love and thunder #thor love and thunder spoilers #spoilers #valkyrie #mcu critical

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latibvles · 1 year

Text

SAD, BEAUTIFUL, TRAGIC.

beautiful, tragic. // earn your stripes

sometimes, doubt can be a poison.

masterlist | gallery | taglist

WARNINGS: none

SUMMARY: The fruits of Daisy’s labor taste bittersweet in the grand scheme of things. Is she really worthy of so much recognition?

TAGLIST: @liebgotts-lovergirl , @softguarnere , @monalisastwin , @brassknucklespeirs

For a second, all she can do is stare.

There’s a ‘return to sender’ stamp on the front, in slightly faded red ink. It’s unopened. She takes a measured breath as her mind goes through every possibility.

He could’ve sent it back — and honestly, he might’ve. Or he’s been moved. She checks the address line, and she knows she’s written it correctly, so it’s not that, at the very least. Regardless, she isn’t even sure how to feel. Frustration, dread, anxiety, sadness all battle at the forefront of her thoughts, duking it out to take priority over each other. She can’t deal with this right now is the first conclusion she comes to, shoving the letter in her pocket. The second being that she has to talk to Ginny before she implodes.

Luckily, she won’t have to wait, because the other slip of paper she receives is an order to head to Regiment immediately upon retrieving the notice, and that’s enough to make her head pound. But she doesn’t show it on her face, just smiles and gives the runner — a scrawny slip of a Private who salutes stiffly before he rushes off, leaving her to her own devices. She takes a couple breaths, trying to reign herself in before she spills out onto the gravel.

As Daisy takes off in the direction of the building acting as an office for Regimental staff. Mourmelon itself was a hodgepodge of buildings jumbled together, a place carved out for proper tents and cots, and a spider web of streets with historical significance going back farther than Napoleon. She might’ve appreciated it more, if everything around her wasn’t in a constant state of motion even when they’d been pulled off the front line.

Regiment itself is a larger, multi-level building, but it's no Tortworth or Littlecote. She imagines that it was still an office before this, but probably not for military personnel. Still, she skims the names plastered on windows of varying office doors, until she finds the one labeled CAPT. VIRGINIA BRANT. Daisy opens the door without hesitation.

“You wanted to see me Gin—”

The person sitting behind the desk is certainly not Ginny.

His hair is a dark, inky black with streaks of gray. His face is freshly shaven, jacket hanging over the side of the chair, leaving him in the khaki button down and suspenders, tie tucked neatly into the fold. She’s pretty sure his broad shoulders and imposing stature add to how small she feels. Daisy freezes, then snaps into a proper salute for him as his gaze moves up towards her. Colonel Peake cracks something of a smile, something she did not expect, as he rises to feet.

“At ease, Lieutenant.”

She’s only ever met the Colonel twice, one of several who served with the 128th. Colonel Ringer was her Commanding Officer, and hadn’t been transferred over to the Combat Nursing Company. They weren’t especially close, either. The first time she saw Peake, she didn’t recognize him. It’d been in passing, at the party in Littlecote. He’d been one of the many, many faces of the hour. The second time was upon her transfer, among the seventy women establishing Company One. Even then — she never spoke to him.

Daisy lets her hand drop, keeps her gaze fixed on the opposing wall. Her palms are sweaty and she thinks she might very well pass out if she doesn’t learn why the Colonel’s in Ginny’s office, but Ginny isn’t.

“I’ve heard a lot of good things about you, Lieutenant. Captain Brant speaks of you highly,” There are people in the world who have voices that just command attention. Ginny has it, Dick has it, and Peake definitely has it. “With the Captain in Paris on leave I figured it only appropriate to come and see for myself.”

‘See what, exactly?’ is what she wants to say, but Daisy has more sense than that.

“Sir?” is what comes out instead, her even tone a sharp contrast to the erratic pounding in her ears. Ginny’s in Paris. The Colonel knows I exist. The Colonel wanted to see me. It rattles around in her skull. She thinks her palms might be sweaty. Peake only chuckles as he looks her over. She wonders if he can tell how nervous she is.

“You’ve acquired quite the reputation these past six months,” he continues, leaning his full weight on the desk, looking down at a sheet of paper. “Your service with the 42nd in Normandy. Brant praised your performance alongside several others during the taking of Carentan. And then there are several accounts of yourself, alongside McCarney and a… Lieutenant Kegley guiding the other women in training exercises before deployment to Holland. I’m told you had them observing combat maneuvers?” He arches a brow. For a moment, Daisy says nothing, until she realizes that it’s a legitimate question, and her cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“...yes, sir. With, uh, Brant’s assistance we were able to observe the field practice of the infantry staying at Chiseldon Camp.”

“And the map-reading exercises?”

“I was asked to lead them in some refresher courses, sir. I figured a hands-on approach would be best.” Peake nods slowly. His expression is unreadable as he continues to look at the paper on the desk. From this distance, she can’t see anything written on it, but it’s safe to assume this is where he’s getting his information from. And from Ginny’s reports. And probably Stars and Stripes. And a few snippets from a disgruntled Royal Army Captain. He looks back up at her, and begins to sit back down.

“Step forward, Lieutenant,” Daisy obeys, taking a few steps closer so she’s a bit closer to the desk. He looks at her and squints. Closer now, she can see that his eyes are a stormy gray color that adds to her nerves. “I want to ask you a question,” Daisy stares expectantly at him, holding her breath for a moment. “Why did you become an Army Nurse?”

Of all the questions — that certainly wasn’t the one she expected to be asked. Daisy blinks a couple times, allowing his question to sink in as she furrows her brows, trying to come up with some sort of satisfactory response.

She remembers being ten-years-old, and fumbling on a leap during her dress rehearsal for her ballet recital. The pain in her ankle brought her to the point of tears. They’d called an ambulance, she went to the hospital, and it turned out she had a very bad sprain. The doctor had been… clinical, formal — she was terrified and he did very little to diffuse her fright. But there was also a nurse in the room with kind eyes and a soothing voice. She’d been the one to reassure her, to calm her down, talk to her and make Daisy feel as though it wasn’t the end of the world after all. The doctor had been impersonal, blunt in his explanations to her parents. The nurse had been benevolent and warm.

Daisy remembers wanting to be like that, too.

“I always wanted to be a nurse, sir,” Daisy starts out. “Back when I was a kid I sprained my ankle pretty bad and it… wasn’t the doctor who really stuck with me. It was the nurse in the room. She was…” Daisy presses her lips into a line for a moment. “Kind. Comforting. She did her job but also went the extra mile of making sure I was okay. I was in my last year of nursing school during Pearl Harbor,” she takes another deep breath. “I want to help people. The people who need help are here, so I came here.” There’s a slight twitch of the corner of his lip, Peake nods along to her story, rubbing his mouth.

“I’ll be frank with you, Lieutenant,” Peake begins. “When I first heard of your actions in Holland, I initially wanted to transfer you back to the 128th and put the whole thing to bed. Having women on the front line is still an idea many haven’t been able to back. I wanted you out of my hair,” he rises again, but remains behind the desk. Daisy thinks she might throw up on the polished wood. “But then we received the nonfatal casualty count — including those who’d been saved in Eindhoven. And then, after Diana McCarney was wounded, I was told how you immediately accepted the responsibility of taking care of the squad working with Easy Company. And then later, once again, without hesitation, slipped seamlessly into your role as a temporary replacement with Dog Company.”

It’s then that he unfurls his fist. She looks down, and tries to retain her composure at the contents of his hand.

“First Company needs a proper Lieutenant to lead the third squadron. Someone who doesn’t hesitate when it counts. Who keeps her oath down to the letter. Ideally Captain Brant would be the one to give these to you but…” It’s then that he breaks into a genuine smile. Daisy can’t pry her eyes away from the silver First Lieutenant’s bars in his palm. He walks around the desk, approaching her. “May I?”

She’s at a loss for words — all she can do is nod. She lets him fasten the silver bars to her collar, all the while she prays her knees don’t give out as he does it. Then he steps back and extends a hand for her to shake. She takes it. His grip is firm and, quite frankly, jostles the whole of her arm.

“Thank you, sir.” Daisy musters, finally. He looks her up and down, gives her a nod, and then a salute that she returns.

“I’m expecting great things out of you, Lieutenant Clarke. Brant will give you a list of names for your squad upon her return from Paris.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re dismissed.”

“Yes, sir.” Daisy tries not to bolt out of the room altogether, but the moment she’s a fair enough distance away, her fingers ghost over the bars on her collar.

She knows she should be happy — ecstatic even. Ginny told her that this could work out in her favor and it did. How many women vyed for her achievements to be recognized in this way? To have the Colonel himself put the bars on her collar? Most women don’t even get promoted past 2nd Lieutenant. She should be celebrating — and yet all she feels is a wave of anxiety and very, very undeserving of any of this. She’d always seen it as her just doing her job. Apparently not. She steps out into the open air, pausing to take a deep breath.

“Hey! Daisy!” The greeting is familiar. Daisy turns and sees Liebgott with his usual smirk. Beside him is Talbert, whose smile is sweeter than his counterpart. However as he approaches, the smile and smirk both immediately drop. “Holy shit, you look like you’re gonna hurl.” Daisy laughs at that, dryly, shaking her head.

“I uh… just got promoted,” she manages. Liebgott’s eyes widen as he leans down to take a peek at her collar. He whistles lowly as he peers at the silver bar.

“No kiddin’, huh? Guess you really can boss me around now.” All Daisy can do is nod along in agreement, her head pounding, and muster something of a smile to try and mask the queasy feeling overtaking her entire being.

“Yeah, better not piss me off now or I’ll have you running obstacle courses just like Toccoa.” Liebgott snorts at that, reaching to throw his arm over her shoulder lazily.

“Can’t be any worse than Foxhole Norman, that’s for damn sure.” She looks between the two men with a questioning look. Talbert is more than happy to describe the new Easy Company CO in all of his pencil-pushing, military-ladder-climbing. Liebgott’s face contorts into a scowl, like he smells something foul. And as she listens, she feels her fingers dig a little tighter into the man’s waist, body winding up like a spring.

She’s surrounded by leaders at all times. Ginny, who leads with a confident smile and inspiring words. Winters, who she’s never heard a singular bad thing about ever — easily summarized as a “good man.” Speirs, who the men called Killer and the Dog, whose very presence instilled a sense of respect and fear. Rita and Catherine, Peake, and now Norman Dike. Someone who the men already despised after just three weeks in his position. Now Daisy’s among them in a way, but she doesn’t know where she fits in all of it, if she’s a Brant or a Winters or a Dike.

She ducks under Liebgott’s arm, and gives the two men a wry smile.

“Right… well I have to go do something — I think I saw Jane at the uh… kitchens, Tab. Rita might be there too.” It isn’t a complete lie. They might be there, for all she knows. Daisy can feel Joe’s stare burning a hole through her, so she keeps her gaze fixed on Talbert, who’s none the wiser. Mustering a smile, she gives him a brief nod. “I’ll catch you two later.”

She quickly moves in the opposing direction, wrapping her arms around herself as she scurries.

Nothing about this feels like a reason for celebration. She needs to get better at her poker face. There’s a lot of things that she needs to get better at, now that she’s really thinking about it. Surely someone else, Daisy tries to reason, anyone but me. Someone more commanding, with more experience maybe. She got along well with her fellow nurses, with the men in her care, with the medics they worked with, but could that be enough?

When was the last time she actually felt like she’d done enough? Like she’d been useful and deserved rest?

If Daisy couldn’t satisfy her own standard now, how was she supposed to measure up to being some type of leader? For all she knows, she’ll end up as another “Foxhole Norman.” Maybe something even worse than that. She thinks of Cunningham’s hungry smile, and Peake’s piercing eyes, of Gray’s hesitance and Ginny’s proud smile. It feels like there are hawks perched in the trees of someone’s backyard, and she’s the little dog in the grass, none the wiser.

With bile rising in her throat, forcing herself to swallow the burn, she immediately begins conjuring up ways to prevent the women from suffering such an embarrassing fate in her care.

#ronald speirs #ron speirs #band of brothers fic #band of brothers #hbo war x oc #hbo war fic #ronald speirs x oc #ronald speirs x ofc

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