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#his nonbinary swagger

trollcafe · 1 year

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I love Harlow he just Does Not Give A Fuck and he’s the best doctor his lil hospital’s got because of it

#chow.txt #he also has hopt catgirl gf #that may have soemthing to do with it #his depressed nonbinary swagger is irresistible

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9w6 · 1 year

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#post tag #his nonbinary swagger captivates me

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jrwi-transgender-swag · 8 months

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FISH N CHIPS DIVORCE SHOWDOWN !!!

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Chip

"gestures at him wildly look at him man " - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "Well he's a pirate and that's already very trans coded. He bases his personality and general vibe off people he looks up to which is giving gender envy. The only way Chip could ever be cis to me is if he was the token cishet but he's neither so like… Trans boyy (my words are failing me but you get it)" - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "literally the transest guy of all time (loser edition). tits out tuesday. man with tits monday. like. transgender moment real " - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "He was picked up by pirates at a young age pre-pueberty. He then spent most of his childhood in a gang. This kid was so malnourished everyone just assumed he was a guy and he went with it since his puberty was so fucked. My transmasc agender king" - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "fucking look at him. most transgender motherfucker to ever exist. we'll never know what his actual name was because he was named based on his first home, the black rose pirates ship. his tattoos go over his top surgery scars" - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "he’s just . he just kinda is yknow" - Submitted For Transmasc Swag

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Gillion Tidestrider

"4 of the 5 JRWI fans I actually know fall under the transgender umbrella and all of them are absolutely in love with Gillion so here’s got to have something going on there" - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "dude hes a fucking fish what else do you want from me. he has it all. the religious trauma. the swagger. the autism. he even has a cool fucking sword. his entire backstory is him being forced into a role against his will and only when he finds others does he get to fully embrace himself come the fuck ON" - Submitted For All Swag "he literally has gilded top surgery scars (saturn art that proves this even if it’s noncanon) that kind of trans swag cannot be ignored!! fucking!! golden scars!!! that shit kicks so much ass are you kidding!!! the koolest fish trans boy ever my goal in life truly" - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "same sorta thing as jay, he has this whole arc of changing from trying to live up to expectations to just being what he wants and thinks is good (very trans of him). also he's a fish guy and probably has no understanding of gender, at least in oversea terms. and he canonically referred to himself with it/its pronouns one time which. yes. i think his titles are like pronouns to him, like in the undersea you refer to yourself by describing yourself and your achievements (pretty sure that's actually a triton thing in actual dnd who knows). he is the chosen one and the chosen one was referred to with they/them pronouns for a reason (definitely because the chosen one is genderqueer and not just to be inclusive mhm you can trust me i have no biases, the goddesses told me themselves)" - Submitted For Nonbinary Swag "gives birthout of his pussy?" - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "he is like sooo xenogenderr. that fish is just transgender im so sorry. too swagful not to be." - Submitted For Secret Fourth Swag

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#HAPPY ROUND 4 EVERYONE !!!!!!!!!#i already know this is gonna cause some turmoil #me personally i wanna implode just writing this poll #i feel bad for those of you that vote fsdjkljkfhlsd #fuck love. love can never prevail #jrwi trans tournament #jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #chip jrwi #jrwi gillion tidestrider #jrwi gillion #gillion tidestrider #gillion jrwi

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hoshigaki · 5 months

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i wish orochimaru at least got some form of punishment in-universe so that when i praise his drip i dont have to prop the 'he also sucks i know!' sign to casual fans. i dont need a lecture on his predatory behavior while i appreciate his nonbinary villainous swagger. i was there on the forums of 2008, i know what orochimaru is and i also know that he is the ultimate cuntessa of konoha who exudes true queer chic queendom in a way that no other character ever has

#orochimaru #naruto fandom #mine

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whump-me · 5 months

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Conquest, Chapter 19: For Your Own Good

Chapter 19 of Conquest, a novel-length fantasy whump story about a timid royal clerk captured by the disgraced prince who needs their help to rule their newly conquered country. This series is best read in order. Masterpost here.

Contains: fantasy setting, nonbinary whumpee, male whumper, angry whumpee, royal whumper, reluctant whumper, whumper POV, emotional whump

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Kezul

Kezul’s father might not have approved of how Kezul had arranged for the food, but he didn’t turn it away. Most of the first food shipment that came to the palace, three days after his father’s arrival, went toward a feast in honor of Vorhullin the Unmaker, who still had not left. The palace seethed with Wolves, his own and his father’s. His father had brought an army three times the size of Kezul’s—overkill for a mere visit. More proof that a mere visit was never what this had been.

Just when Kezul had begun to get used to the heat here, now the palace halls were thick with body heat as well as the warmth of the sun pouring through the many windows. Just when the smell of the palace had started to become normal to him, now it stank of too many warriors in close quarters. They hurried to and fro, making their preparations, with the banquet hall at the center of their frenetic activity.

Kezul walked against the current, shoving past the Wolves hurrying in the opposite direction. Some of his own Wolves made space for him, and greeted him with hurried but deferent nods. Some others took the excuse to slam into him as if they didn’t see him—the Unmaker’s presence, and his plain contempt for his son, had made them bold.

His father’s Wolves, to a person, treated him as if he weren’t there. Just one more body in the crowd. They pushed past him with a muttered word of apology, as if he were anyone else. If asked, Kezul was sure they would pretend they hadn’t recognized him. That was one way to get around the conundrum of whether to risk angering the Unmaker by disrespecting someone who shared his blood, or whether to risk angering him by offering too much respect to the unfavored son.

If Kezul had watched this happen to anyone else, he might have found it funny. It had the tone of a farce that a traveling acting troupe might have put on in the Low City back home.

The smells from the banquet hall reached even here, three stories up. As hungry as Kezul was, the smell made him sick. He felt sick at the waste of food, and sick over Mir.

He unlocked the door to Mir’s room. He paused before entering, looking down at the unwieldy burden he clutched, wishing he could hide it until the right moment. But there was no tucking something like this into a pocket, and there would be no right moment. He opened the door.

The room was empty.

Kezul stood staring, as if his eyes were playing a trick on him, as if surely Mir would appear if he just stood watching long enough. The room remained empty. His heart sped up as if he were standing on the battlefield. As if an empty room were the worst threat he had ever faced.

As if he were standing in front of his father.

His father wouldn’t have done anything to Mir. He wanted to see Kezul break them. He wanted that demonstration of obedience—and not from Mir. Mir was an afterthought. It was Kezul he wanted broken, Kezul he wanted defeated—body and soul, heart and will—and Mir was simply his means to accomplish that. Kezul knew how his father thought. His father bore Mir no animosity; Kezul was the one he hated.

But something had happened to Mir, because the room was still empty.

Kezul didn’t know how long he stood there before a thought came to him. He hurried out of the room and raced down two flights of stairs and down the palace steps. When he saw the two Wolves stationed in front of the stable doors where none had been this morning, he slowed his pace to a calm swagger. He raised his head and wiped the sweat from his brow. He walked past the Wolves as if they weren’t there, waiting all the while for them to stop him. They didn’t. Like all his father’s Wolves, they were doing their best to avoid interacting with him at all.

Inside, they peered over the first stall door. Their breath left them in a rush when they saw Mir sitting miserably on a pile of straw. It was the same stall they had been before, and it didn’t look like anyone had swapped out the filthy straw since then. The smell was unbearable—to Mir as well as Kezul, judging by the way Mir held a hand in front of their nose. Their head was lowered, their braid untidy.

But they looked unharmed. That was something.

Kezul cleared his throat. Mir’s head jerked up, their eyes wide. Their face showed relief when they saw Kezul. But wariness quickly overtook that relief. And then, of course, they smoothed all the emotion from their features, leaving their face an unreadable mask.

What was Mir thinking? What were they feeling? Fear was a given, but what else? Were they sinking into despair? Resigned to their fate? Did they feel any amount of hope? Should they?

Then Kezul realized that what he was really wondering was whether Mir was angry at Kezul’s betrayal, and quickly cut off that line of thought.

Mir looked like they were about to cry. Kezul wished wouldn’t.

Kezul didn’t enter the stall. Not yet. “I wanted to thank you,” he said, “for everything you’ve done for me and Danelor. Your people wouldn’t be eating this winter if not for you. And if not for that food, the people of the remaining villages might have risen up in rebellion. You stopped that from happening.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have.” Mir’s voice was as blank as their face.

“They wouldn’t have won,” said Kezul. “Not against the Wolves. One way or another, you saved their lives. Thank you.”

“You said that,” said Mir. Then, after a pause, “you sound like you’re saying goodbye.”

Kezul didn’t answer. He didn’t like the way Mir’s words made him feel—like he had taken a wrong step and found himself tumbling off a steep cliff, into an abyss he hadn’t even seen, with no bottom in sight.

Like maybe Mir was right.

The silence stretched on for a long moment. “Are you the one who had me brought back here?” Mir asked. They didn’t look at Kezul. They kept their eyes fixed on the straw. Kezul missed the days when Mir hadn’t known better than to look him in the eye.

“No,” said Kezul, too emphatically. “I didn’t know you were here. I had to search for you.”

A long pause. Then, “Are you here to bring me back to my room?”

“I’m here to bring you to the feast being held in honor of my father.”

“A feast,” said Mir. “I thought you said you weren’t doing more of those. I thought you regretted the last one.”

Kezul hadn’t realized he had told Mir that. Had their conversations really ventured that far afield from the minutiae of rule? When had Kezul let slip anything as personal as his regrets, even over such a minor thing as that? He had no memory of it, but it somehow didn’t seem implausible either. It felt true.

“This isn’t my doing,” said Kezul. “It’s my father.”

“And your father always gets what he wants.” Mir’s voice was tight with tension. Their gaze darted up to meet Kezul’s. This time, Kezul was the one to look away. When he looked back at Mir, Mir’s eyes were fixed on the straw again.

“He’ll be angry if you bring me,” said Mir. “We’ll both be better off if you leave me here.” Mir’s arms tightened around their knees. “Things are bad enough for me as it is.” They paused. “For both of us. It’s going to be hard for us to work together while he’s here. The more attention you draw to me, the harder it will be.”

There was a warning in their words, yes, but there was also a question. The question was something like, Are we still working together?

Kezul didn’t answer the unspoken question. He only said, “<y father is the one who requested your presence.” He hadn’t said it to Kezul directly, of course. But Kezul knew his father. He knew what his father would expect.

Mir looked up sharply. Confusion turned to fear, then to a silent plea.

They understood, then. Kezul didn’t know whether that would make this easier or harder.

He opened the stall door and stepped inside. Now Mir could see what he was holding. Two sets of manacles, one for Mir’s wrists and one for their ankles, each with a heavy length of chain between them so long it would drag the ground.

Kezul heard Mir’s breath catch as they looked away. “So that how it is,” Mir said quietly.

“He’ll expect to see you there,” Kezul said. “He’ll expect to see me making good on my promise.”

“Of course.” Kezul hadn’t thought the meek prisoner was capable of giving their voice such a bitter twist. “And if you don’t do what he says, he might think badly of you. I certainly wouldn’t want to be the cause of that.”

Mir didn’t understand, and how could they? All they knew was Kezul, and the Wolves that had preceded him. He thought Kezul represented the worst cruelty Kyollen Naskor had to offer. “This isn’t as bad as things can get. Not by a long shot.”

“Not for you, certainly.”

“You don’t know what he’ll do if I don’t do as he asks.”

“If you don’t destroy me utterly, you mean?” Mir’s voice kept that same bitter tone. But a shudder rolled through them. “You’re right. I don’t know. Neither of us does. And it looks like we’re not going to find out. The one thing I do know is that at least this way, you don’t have to suffer.”

Kezul didn’t know why the words hit like a blow. His face stung as if the prisoner had slapped his cheek. Why should he care what a prisoner said to him, what a prisoner thought of him? His fists clenched around the chains, as if preparing to return the blow. Then he realized what he was doing, and belatedly loosened his grip. But not before Mir’s gaze went to his hands, and he knew Mir had seen.

“I do know,” Kezul said quietly. “I’ve seen what he’s capable of. If he doesn’t think I can handle you, he’ll do it himself. You do not want that.”

“Handle me,” Mir echoed with a twist of their lips. “Not so long ago, you were begging for my advice. Now you’re talking about me like I’m a difficult horse.” But another shiver rolled through them. Good. Maybe they were hearing the warning.

“He’s going to get what he wants from you regardless,” said Kezul. “It’s better for me to be the one to do it.” He closed his eyes and saw Mir holding his father’s knife, trembling. He imagined Mir broken, imagined them slicing the blade through their own finger, their face blank. No thought. The feeling of obedience. Only defeat. This time, he was the one to shudder. The weight of the knife was heavy at his side.

“Better for you,” said Mir.

“Better for both of us,” said Kezul. “Trust me.”

“I hope you don’t take offense,” Mir said, “if I say that at this moment, trusting you sounds like a terrible decision.”

The words rocked Kezul back like they were another blow, even though the sentiment was no surprise, even though being trusted by a prisoner had never been an ambition of his. At the same time, his eyebrows jerked up in surprise. “When we first met,” he said, “you never would have dared say something like that to me.”

Mir answered with a jagged shrug. “What do I have to lose?”

Another blow. Another clenching of his fists. He loosened his fingers around the chain, but didn’t let go. “I’m trying to help you.”

Mir let out a weary laugh, so low and brief that Kezul almost missed it. “If you wanted to help me,” they said, “you would have snuck me out of the palace.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Mir’s gaze found his and held it. “Why not?”

Kezul opened his mouth. He couldn’t answer. Not because Mir was right, but because Kezul didn’t know how to explain something that should have been a truth too elemental to put into words. To help Mir escape from the palace would be to defy the will of the Unmaker, and that was a thing that could not be done. If he defied his father’s will, the universe itself—cold and eternal—would rise up against him. His father’s will was the rhythm of his heartbeat, the breath in his lungs.

But of course Mir didn’t understand. Not even after seeing everyone else in the palace slaughtered because the Unmaker willed it. They would understand, though, by the time the Unmaker was finished with them. By the time Kezul was finished with them. Kezul’s stomach flipped. He didn’t know how he would eat.

“Stand up,” he ordered, his voice hard and distant. He had spent too much time on this already. The feast would start soon, and his father would expect them both there.

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Tagged: @suspicious-whumping-egg @halloiambored @whump-in-the-closet @whump-cravings @sunshiline-writes @annablogsposts @whither-wander-whump @seaweed-is-cool @bloodinkandashes @sonder35 @cakeinthevoid @looptheloup

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#whump #whump writing #whump story #whump novel #my writing #my writing: Conquest #fantasy whump #royal whump #nonbinary whumpee #reluctant whumper #emotional whump

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thehighpriestexx420 · 3 months

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My Twin Flame Experience

The intention of this post was to honestly just have a public space to write out my thoughts and feelings. I hope you get something from it. I'm highlighting the more common signs of twin flames for your reference.

The Beginning

We met through a social media app when I had just turned 23 and he was just turning 21. He added me and I thought he was stunningly attractive. There wasn't any conscious form of recognition at this point. I felt comfortable approaching him because we shared something a little more unique in common; we're both trans men. (Although I'm significantly more nonbinary/gender nonconforming)

When I asked him why he added me through the app I believe he just said I seemed cool. Later on he admitted he thought I was cute. I was upfront and told him I thought he was cute in my first message.

We got to know eachother a bit through messages. I had alot of fun talking to him; something that's not too common in this dating app age, but not necessarily a sign of being twin flames. He was hilarious and we had a good back and forth.

He tried to come off as more confident than he actually was until the end of our first hang out. Before he did come over, I told my roommate at the time that I didn't think he was a real friend and he probably just wanted the LSD. He seemed to avoid hanging out with me for a while.

Which was true but not because he was uninterested. It was because he was insecure. He didn't like the thought of people seeing him and rejecting him. At the end of our hang, he said if I didn't like him that it was ok. I gave him that impression because I didn't talk much while we were watching Breaking Bad. I have social anxiety just like he does.

However, I actually felt a pull towards him that I couldn't explain. I felt the need to be physically close to him. But he had a partner at the time and I knew it was inappropriate. I sensed his energy as "masculine". Like... not in a casual sense when you see they have that masc swagger or something. It was his spirit. I didn't have the idea he was my twin flame at the time. But it's interesting because looking back at it, it aligns with the belief I have that he's my "divine masculine".

When we talked before we watched the show, the conversation was casual and somewhat comfortable. I don't remember if I knew I had romantic feelings at that point but I know I did by the end of the hang because I thought to myself of course I like someone when they already had a partner.

Him and his partner were actually starting to begin exploring having a nonmonogamous relationship. He wanted to have a threesome for his birthday and we obliged despite not knowing eachother very well. It was pretty meh. His partner and I kissed and later on he said he was jealous and thought to himself that I was his but not the same for his partner.

At one point he said he was going to marry his partner. He must have noticed the look of alarm on my face because he said that it wasn't like that. It was a fun celebration, not serious or legal. I didn't like the thought of him having a closer relationship with someone than me.

I'm an empath but when you feel someone's energy/emotions from a distance without intending to it's usually because you have a strong connection. At some point I felt that he was experiencing a negative emotion, I believe it was the feeling of wanting to escape something and not wanting to be there. I messaged him this and he told me that was accurate. He was hanging out with his partner.

I experienced jealousy but I just wanted him to be happy. If his relationship with someone was unhealthy that's what really made me want him to not be with that person. He eventually got the courage to break up with them.

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I asked him to be my partner despite feeling like I wasn't ready for a relationship. He made me want to try. I had just been through a traumatic experience that gave me severe trust issues.

When he sat on my lap, it was so comfortable and familiar. Although "familiar" wasn't really in my vocabulary at that time, if that makes sense. It also stood out because I hadn't known him for that long at all. It was like he calmed my nerves and everything was ok. Like he was my person.

We had both thought that our relationship and the way we felt towards eachother was "too good to be true". It was unlike anything we had experienced and we couldnt foresee experiencing anything like this with anyone else even 5 years later and now till this day. I felt, for the first time, that someone loved me as much as I loved them and felt the same way -although with his own energy.

There was a moment where he said he missed me and I said I missed him too, although with a different meaning. I didn't mean for him to sense this through my voice. I didn't mean it all the way. It was an experience I was confused about and didn't know if it was even real.

But I didn't feel the same as when we first met. I didn't love him any less. It was just less exciting? Intense? I almost viewed him in a different way too. He asked me something like if I didn't like him anymore and I told him it wasn't like that. And it wasn't but I wasn't transparent about my experience because I didn't want him to think that. I felt guilty and confused.

I've been gaslight for almost my entire time knowing my mom and her long term bf. From birth until 22 with my mom. From 3 years old until 22 with my stepdad/her bf. The effects of gaslighting is horrid. It's second guessing your perception and not knowing what's real or not. I'd rather know what reality is no matter how bad. Especially with intrusive thoughts. It was a daily experience that I'd ruminate over if these thoughts were the truth. If I was bad, etc.

I told him this. I told him to please just tell me the truth no matter how bad it is; I'd rather know what's real and not. I told him I'd rather him ask to do nonplatonic stuff with others than cheat on me.

We decided to have a monogamous relationship because of jealousy, wanting to hold each other's attention the most, and because what we had wasn't comparable to anyone else.

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The Middle

I also experienced as time went on our relationship became more unhealthy. I loved him so much and would do anything to make our relationship work. He said he was so comfortable with me he let his anger show. A symptom of ADHD is irritability and this is what he has.

But it wasn't just anger; it was not understanding my POV and not being able to be reasoned with. It was assuming the worst and not trusting me at times. When I neutrally told people about an experience I had with him, they'd agree with my assessment.

I'd question if he was right (for example, if I shouldnt have laughed when he spilt buttermilk because it was rude and I should've known that. He felt that I was laughing *at* him and not the situation. I wasn't supposed to hurt people's feelings or upset them. But when I taked about it with others they agreed that I cant be expected to know when someone is going to react disproportionately to the situation. That it was his responsibility to manage his anger *issues*. It wasn't mine to tiptoe. When people told me this I was assured it was obvious like I knew inside. But, again, the effects of gaslighting played a part here.)

There was a moment I completely recognized him as someone I already knew from other lives and I cried and told him that I missed him.

We had several moments where we felt like one person. We had felt that there was literally one person in the room when he and I were the only ones. When we cuddled, we felt like we combined into one person. It was serene, comfortable, and right.

I ended up breaking up with him 3 times. First time was because he broke a boundary of mine when I told him he could flirt with someone. I had told him I just wanted transparency and to be told when he was doing it. Not like every detail obviously - just updates in the actions and connections he had with others. I said something about wanting to be told beforehand or being asked. The night I told him this he flirted with someone without telling me beforehand. He said he just *assumed* I knew he was going to do it. I told him I made my boundaries clear. He said it was an accident but I dont know if that's true still.

This wasn't the only thing. The main reason is because he was hanging out with them alot more than me (they were long distance), laughed more, and had fun with eachother more. I told him I noticed this and wanted to work on it with him. He denied it but admitted I was right years later. The main main reason is when I asked him how he felt about her and if he would be partners with her if she lived close. He was annoyed by the "hypothetical" question and refused to answer it. I felt that this was a red flag - communication and honesty is key. He ended up saying he would and all of these things told me he viewed our relationship differently than I did.

I want to be real. I want to be authentic and have myself and others do what makes them happy. I want to be healthy. Since we didn't view our relationship the same, the outside reality had to reflect that. I didn't feel comfortable labeling our relationship as something it wasn't. He really didn't like that and took it as rejection. We were both heartbroken.

I had to take my wedding ring off. It was the hardest thing I had to do at the point. It felt like I was being torn apart; that I was tearing myself away from me.

During our time together, he had made little changes here and there but not really where it counted. He was stubborn and just wasn't changing.

The second time I broke up with him he accused me of gaslighting him. He had been emotionally abusive (I assume without realizing it) to me for so long. I had been patient and tried to be composed for so long. At this moment I lost my temper.

I kept screaming "leave me alone!" I told him that he was gaslighting *me* and that every time our memories didn't align it just happened to conveniently be in favor of him. I couldn't take it anymore and told him it was over. He convinced me to do relationship counseling with him. We did and it worked well. Until it didn't.

He told me that he didn't care if people flirted with me, didn't want to be jealous, and wanted me to feel good about myself. He then casually revealed to me that him and his friends flirt with eachother. This was the reason I first broke up with him. He crossed my boundary again. We debated as to what "friend flirting" was and if it was flirting or just compliments. I'm sure that you can see through context clues that it was just flirting. He told me that he'd stop doing it.

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The End of Our Relationship

I discovered that he had been sexting and had a romantic long distance relationship with someone when I saw the messages between them on his computer (I wasn't snooping like I had in the past. He told me to turn his computer off if he fell asleep and left it on. The messages were open underneath his game.) He had this relationship with them for 2 months. Before that, he flirted/sexted with someone else that I saw. He told me that him & the person he had a relationship with also had phone sex once. After he told me he'd stop "friend flirting" he continued to. He had been cheating on me for at least a year. That was just what I knew.

He told me it was just because he was insecure and liked the attention and validation. He didn't really love the person he had a relationship with. He just liked the feeling of someone saying "I love you" and someone saying it back to him. That it wasn't because he didn't love me or that the relationship was boring or anything like that. I don't entirely believe him - I think there's more to it.

He said that he'd do anything to stay in a relationship with me. If this were true why didn't he just not cheat? Why did this change just because I caught him? He told me he'd be honest with me from then on. Of course, he wasn't. Instead, he lied about little things he didn't even have to.

I lost romantic attraction to him at one point. Being cheated on and disrespected in this way was a turn off. But I'd always love him and in some kind of romantic sense as well.

We still expressed our love for eachother through words and action 5 months after the breakup. Some time after that, he withdrew and spent more time on his computer. I knew what he was doing this time. It was like he was cheating again but I was just aware. He didn't tell me what was going on unlike the updates I gave him. He went on a date that he tried lying about but that I knew of. I tried to kill myself.

He ended up in a relationship with this person. I felt that it was just a rebound but I wasn't sure. When I accidentally saw them together in person, I knew it was true and that the vibes were his partner was just the second version of the partner he had when he first met me.

He seemed like a different person (new energy from sharing it with someone else and due to our recent experiences) and I didn't recognize him. We were supposed to say goodbye and hug on move out day. He lied to me even on that day and I changed my mind about it. Why would I want to do such a thing thing with someone who wasn't even there?

Even through being homeless, being abused by my parents, being mostly alienated from my peers, experiencing the difficulties of being trans, etc. this was still the worst experience I've been through.

He hit triggers of mine in extreme ways. It was worse than agony. Suicide came to mind but I realized it wouldn't change what happened. My suicide attempt was due to me not being able to handle my overwhelming emotions. It wouldn't change that he and our relationship was fictional. That he didn't really love me - only valued me for the stability, comfort, and familarity.

I didn't know up from down. I didn't know what was real and not. This affected my whole life - not just my perception of him and our relationship. I felt empty; like a blackhole. Nothing mattered. Nothing existed. If I thought I could trust him when I couldn't trust anyone else and he ended up doing something only my worst enemy would do then I couldn't trust anyone. Noone was innocent and deserved to be treated as such.

He started being even more emotionally abusive. After he felt guilty, he started blameshifting and looking for ways I could've cheated. Ways I treated him poorly. He told me that I didn't like talking about stuff that I did, just stuff that he did.

But I knew the timing of bringing these things up wasn't appropriate. That I wasn't anywhere near moving past this and healing. That the energy with which he talked about these things didn't feel right and like he wanted to make them right.

He was trying to escape what he did and the feelings that came with it. He was looking for someone else to focus his anger and pain on. Even when I already had more than enough on my plate, he managed to make it worse.

He ended up having me questioning if I was a narcissist like he accused me of and had convinced his friends that I was. He caused the first flashback I had and I haven't had another one since. (It's been over almost 2 years since this happened). He yelled and yelled and wouldn't allow me to escape from it.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

The Aftermath

When I was crossfaded and after I asked him to block me so I couldn't unblock him, I emailed him that I loved him and hoped he was doing well. After I sent this, I was listening to My Curse - Killswitch Engage and I sensed the line "Will you wait for me?" was from his spirit.

Not long after this, I looked at his response that said I needed to not talk to him forever and that he'd get a restraining order if I did. This was devastating. But I still knew that line was referring to this message. There was a part of him that didn't really mean it. As hurt as I was and as much as my ego believed he truly didn't care about me and that's why it was easy for him to move on.

Some time after this, I received the strongest download/insight I've had. I knew the Universe was speaking to me and letting me know something. Reminding me. What happened was supposed to. This is the moment he changes and we have a happy and healthy relationship together. He needed to lose me and be without me to finally learn.

I don't remember if this was during that exact moment but I've also realized that it wasn't out of similarity that we triggered eachother. It was that the Universe and consequently ourselves knew what our triggers were and knew to bring them out so we could work through them. It was less exact "mirroring" and more just bringing out our traumas.

My experience with mirroring isn't always "we both like the color blue" or whatever. We are both the universe reflected back to us in the closest most intimate and affected way. We push eachother to grow the most. We are the most important aspects of each other's existence. We are eachothers universe. We are the exact outside to our individuals inside.

One of the reasons I know he's my twin flame is because he affected me so much. He reduced me to my atoms and basic concepts of life so I could find who I really am and rebuild myself better. He did this through negative action, state of being, and emotion. But negativity isn't "bad". Everything is "good" in that it's all meant to happen for the sake of unconditional love, experience, learning, and growing. This is the fabric of the Universe.

To allow existence is to unconditionally love. The Universe does this with everything. That's what makes it unconditional. He loved me so much he allowed me to view him as bad. He allowed me to experience bad emotions, thoughts, beliefs, etc. Consequently, he actually allowed me to heal and grow. To experience more health and happiness. To experience more truth.

As agonizing as it was and as profoundly painful as it still is, it's something I'm very grateful for. This is beyond human ooey-gooey love. This whole experience with my twin flame is the most meaningful and has made up my very existence.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

I've received other signs and insights that he's my twin and that we're supposed to be together. One of the most undeniable ones was when I felt him masturbate thinking about me. I felt the bodily sensations. I felt my stomach tighten, things build, and got goosebumps when he orgasmed.

I felt his spirits reaction when I wrote to him. I still feel his energy and emotions towards me. They're more positive lately. Tarot is pretty unmistakable. The messages and imagery are consistent. They speak of my insights. I'll see people that look like eachothers twin.

There was a card that particularly resonates with me - its from the Starseed Oracle deck and is called The Messenger. It speaks of balancing the masculine and feminine within so that others do the same. The image is of a person holding out their hands - both of them holding an orb of bright light. Their head also has a bright light. This is how I feel ourselves to be - 2 sides of one person. 2 parts of one person. 2 body parts used by one body used to bring peace to themselves and the world.

I've been taking ketamine infusions for my mental health. Ketamine is a psychedelic. During some of these treatments, the Universe told me that we're literally twin flames - the concept that people talk about. That this being "unexpected" and a "plot twist" is a part of the experience.

It wasn't necessarily unexpected because I had believed he was my twin during our relationship but I wasn't sure because ya know, gaslighting. So I just settled it as not worrying about the label and knowing what I knew about it.

I spoke to his higher self and I asked if I should message him due to tarot readings saying I should. He gave the go-ahead but wasn't too enthusiastic. I came down to earth as a stream of blue butterflies. This was another reminder that I'm a messenger of hope.

I believe his higher self wasn't too enthusiastic because he didn't end up responding to me. He may have blocked my email or is just not ready.

I keep being reminded of faith, trust, and patience. My intuition and tarot reading skills have been significantly more skillfull and detailed. I'm more easily able to access my discernment and messages from the universe. This is part of the effect of our time together.

I know he thinks about me more than I thought. I'm trusting my inner knowing of that. I know what we had was real. I know some of the things experienced were just his ego and was designed by our soul plan. I know we'll reunite soon.

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arcplaysgames · 1 year

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someone asked me a while about about my ideal persona cast using the P3/P4/P5 casts and i didn't answer because this was back when we just got futaba so i didn't know

now I feel I have a bit more of a handle so

The Protagonist: femmeswap Joker. yes i still want to be able to play a girl so fucking bad and i'm mad the game will not let me. i feel like Joker and FeMC would be tight bc they are both fucking weirdos.

The Best Friend Guy: i am agonizing over yosuke vs junpei but I'm gonna say Junpei because I liked having a bro that much. I like Yosuke but only when he's devastatingly closeted and in love with P4MC. I would be friends with Junpei IRL.

The Uncool Girl: I really like Ann but Yukari was great, she was gay as hell, and she had a very interesting arc. I liked how she gave huge "girl friend who secretly dislikes you and is just being nice" vibes but evolved into an extremely sharp plot catalyst who asked smart questions and was super perceptive.

The Polite Girl With A Family Legacy: Makoto was never in the running here, but Yukiko vs Mitsuru is hard. Mitsuru has nonbinary swagger and a motorcycle, but Yukiko is actually really funny and charming...... I'm gonna say Yukiko by a hair.

The Weird Loveable Dude Who I Personally Wanna Date In Each Game: Yusuke vs Kanji vs Akihiko. god, don't make me pick between Akihiko the Autistic Boxer King and Kanji the literal best character in P4. I refuse to pick. Both win.

Yusuke loses because the game forgot he's a loveable weirdo about 20 hours ago and he's just another voice in cutscenes now and i'm sad about it.

The Navigator: oh my god Fuuka vs Futaba is so fucking hard. I wanted to date Fuuka so bad and she's still the most useful of the actual navigators, she's the only one who just gives you a full scan of the enemies when you ask. but Futaba is a fucking delight and her struggle with agoraphobia and social anxiety isn't played up, it's so on point, yeah I'm gonna go Futaba but Fuuka, I still love you!!!!!

Late-Comer Who Doesn't Get Enough Screentime: i don't want to blow any minds but i think i like Haru the most out of these, I'm really loving her Empress arc. Naoto was super interesting up until they joined the party, then the game got scared to do anything with her. nah.

The Guest Party Member: Shinjiro vs Akechi. SIGHS. it's gotta be Akechi unfortunately.

The Mascot Animal: Teddie, no question. Morgana is a close second but I cried about Teddie. hmmmm but morgana is a cat that lives in your school bag......... NO it's teddie! I can't not reward Sam Reigel for the fucking WORK he did!

The Special Edition Character: Marie. Kasumi has suffered soooooo much from feeling tacked onto the story in an extremely sloppy way. With Marie, that... kind of was perfect given who and what she was, it almost aided in the feeling of her as a superfluous vestigial limb of the game that you opt-into caring about. Also her becoming a weather forecaster was hilarious. Kasumi really really needs some fucking edge.

(also, random complaint, Maruki feels MUCH LESS TACKED ON than Kasumi, so i KNOW they could have done a better job integrating her. whatever.)

Velvet Room Attendant: Margaret. I'm sorry, I'm shallow and she's incredibly hot and that line asking the PC to entangle her in his thread of fate was hot. Also the moment she kisses the PC is great. Sorry Liz.

Bad Vibes Bad Guy: Ryoji vs Adachi vs Akechi. This is impossible because all three of them are atrocious in their own ways. Also, I haven't seen Akechi's dismount yet. HOWEVER..... as fun as Akechi shooting Joker was, and it was very fun, I don't think he comes close to P4MC vs Adachi in Yamano's room. The framing, the cinematography, the sudden shock of his Arcana changing, it was phenomenal. JYB absolutely killed that performance. Adachi.

Last Minute Baddie No One Cares About: Izanami vs Shido vs huh p3 doesn't have that huh. I'm gonna say Shido because no I don't care, but at least he's been mildly set up as the baddie where izanami, all you get is Edogawa giving you a four minute lecture on the creation myth of Japan and then you gotta remember that 40 hours later when the fucking gas station attendant turns out to be evil. It's dumb. At least Shido has backstory with Joker.

that was fun! it's interesting to see the reused tropes and pick which i like.

#persona liveblog

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wingedwickedthings · 2 years

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total facts known about gerard way

gerard way was born in either outer space or new jersey, no one is really sure which, but it is known that he will die somewhere in orion's belt. gerard way leaves behind a comet tail of black eyeliner and glitter in his wake wherever he goes. gerard way is nonbinary / gerard way would've been nonbinary if he was born two decades later and knew all of his options. gerard way has said he uses either he/him or they/them pronouns. everyone uses he/him pronouns for gerard way. gerard way and their careful androgyny acted as guidebook for all the mid-2000's genderqueer sad kids in black nail polish who were too passionate about warped tour. gerard way spent too long on the edges of supernovas to notice their own starlight. gerard way didn't play a show sober until the second album. they lived in their mother's belleview basement with amber preserved bats & replica swords & dozens of pill bottles. gerard way named their first daughter bandit. gerard way has probably stolen more than they gave, but who is keeping count anyway. they could swagger into an arena & become extraterrestrial for the night, something the queer kids in the crowd could almost touch, almost be, but not quite. gerard way continuously made out with guitarist frank iero on stage during the projekt revolution tour, the same tour where they met their wife. they later called it adrenaline, not attraction. gerard way has never publicly called themself queer. still, we dug ourselves out of them. still, we wrote them into our own story. don't you know how hard it is to find someone you might be able to trust? someone who looks like they could wear your name? call it a false god, call it idolatry, call it marginalia, call it desperation. call it what it is: an unidentifiable object flying above and us choosing to believe.

-- Lip Manegio, We've All Seen Helena

#mcr #gerard way #poetry #lip manegio #my chemical romance #we've all seen helena #god this poetry collection is so incredible #all of game over books are fantastic i highly recommend you folks check out this publisher #this poem always make my throat close #i'll post some more but pls buy this collection it's so so good

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cyberdragoninfinity · 2 months

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1, 2, and 12 for Shark?

REGINALD.

Why do you like or dislike this character?

I LOVE SHARK he might be my favorite ygo rival character...his character arc is just so solid (see below) and also the fact he's kind of not human makes me unwell <3 I love when ygo guys have identity crises and his is ONE OF THE BEST IMO. also hes got yugioh sibling swagger.... i love his bond with rio so much ;__; HES A TOUGH GUY MIDDLE SCHOOL BULLY AND YUMA SMASHES HIS HEART OPEN AND SHOWS HIM EMPATHY. AND IT MAKES ME SOB

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

You really can't get much better than "the rival archetype character in this yugioh is also an alien-demon and he DIDNT FUCKING KNOW FOR OVER HALF THE SERIES." like you cant really talk fully about Shark without talking about Nasch and I do just love both of those parts of him...his ongoing canon Species Crisis and struggle with his humanity and whether or not to lose it is one of my favorite yugioh rival story arcs. shark's arc in general is one of my absolute favorites...at the end of the day he loves Yuma, that's his best friend, and he couldnt run away from that. Yuma showed him the path of kindness and compassion and that in turn helped him connect to the other Barians as their leader and it makes me insane. It rocks.

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

Sea predator autism, of course. This is the he/they little freshly out nonbinary kid of all time. Has a fondness for Mediterranean food he can't quite place the origin of. Really good at racing levels in video games, and platformers too.

#I HAD THIS SAVED TO MY DRAFTS AND FORGOT TO FINISH AND POST IT?!?!? AHHHH SORRY #ygo posting #asks #anonymous #luv shark...need to draw him more..

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number1villainstan · 11 months

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I’m going to regret this. But. For the character meme thing, Pops. Because I’m on my daddy issues bullshit.

What I like about him: Hidden depths, canon has at least the basics for fleshing out a solid morally gray complex character.

What I dislike about him: In canon? Not fleshed out, treated as completely good. In my headcanon? The type of parent who thinks he's a good parent but, uh, if you look at Chisaki you can tell that he's really really not.

Least/Favourite moment: Man, I haven't watched those episodes in too long to answer that.

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more: Him parenting Chisaki, and his own childhood/growing-up, his relationship with his daughter, his relationship with his wife--his history in general, and not just with Chisaki.

An interesting AU for this character: One where the Hassaikai died a lot earlier, like when Chisaki was on the younger side of the teen years, and he has to adjust to regular civilian life while trying to parent a feral hyper-anxious teenager who still thinks that he took him in because he needed an heir.

A crossover: With AtLA; I think it would be fun to compare/contrast him with Iroh. I even have a Tumblr draft that compares the two characters, although if/when that'll ever get done is a complete mystery.

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship): His...wife? I think? Maybe? She'd be an OC but I don't really do romantic shipping with Pops.

Other ships?: No romantic ones, that's for sure.

BROTP: If we're sticking to the vibe of 'bro' in 'brotp,' then perhaps Irinaka? There's still an age difference but I think they at least knew each other when they were young. If we don't stick to the vibe of 'bro' then possibly Chisaki--Pops definitely wants to be a good parent, and Chisaki really really needs a solid foundation/secure base for his mental health.

NOTP: I think I'm just gonna skip over this one for now.

An assortment of headcanons!:

This one is going to be fun. I've mentioned a lot of the sadder ones in an earlier post, so let's do some funnier/more lighthearted ones. Like this: he's masc nonbinary and demibisexual and realizes absolutely none of that. He thinks he's totally normal. Nobody actually finds strangers sexually attractive, right? And every dude wants to kiss their best guy friend on the mouth. He tells Chisaki to date more, that he'll find the right girl and really connect, because that's literally what happened to him. (Chisaki's aro gay ass is shrieking in frustration.)

He was definitely the romantic type with his dates (and even more so with his wife). Very big into chivalry, but not in a pretentious or (very) misogynistic way--liked to hold the door open, push in the lady's chair, give her her favorite flowers. He never really understood the whole swagger other boys would put on to try and impress girls, because the girls were clearly not impressed--and besides, the end result isn't to impress, it's to court. He kept telling his guy friends as a teenager/young adult to just talk to the girl they like instead of strutting about, but no one ever listened to him.

I think that's it for lightheated Pops headcanons. This was fun to think about!

#bnha pops #pops #shie hassaikai pops #ask game #mha pops #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #bnha overhaul #mha overhaul #overhaul #shie hassaikai #shie hassaikai headcanons #intergalactic jellyfish

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an-inspired-eternity · 2 years

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xornoth for the 'send me a character' ask game

first impression: ....i’m gonna be honest i watched lizzie’s pov of empires originally before scott’s so i literally only knew of xornoth in passing because of tumblr which . left little to get an impression from. i just knew he was a demon 😭

current impression: SCOTT YOUR BROTHER IS GNC AS FUCK. i love this dude he’s such a menace and i support him in his nonbinary wrongs. they hated him for his transmasc swagger and maybe the exor induced killing but tbh its probably that first one

favorite moment: ...i’ve still not watched a lot of povs where xornoth actually appears admittedly, but i’m a big fan of xornoth going to pixandria to terrorize pix only to seethe and mald bc pix called the demon getup a costume with a voice changer. funnie

idea for a story: literally ANYTHING involving uncorrupted xornoth and scott before everything went to hell or in s1 scott’s afterlife he created, because i like the idea that xornoth also remembers everything like scott does. i really just want content with uncorrupted xornoth in general can you tell. i put him in my dsmp au even though the non dsmp characters arent as important 😭

unpopular opinion: ....okay i know people really like joey x xornoth and the ideas of what their relationship could be had it been formed from normal/not toxic circumstances but i am obsessed with the idea that joey is head over heels crushing on xornoth meanwhile xornoth is like. aroace or smth. unbothered. i think its funny and also im nonbinary and aroace and i want xornoth to be like me fr fr

favorite relationship: (shakes at a rate that would shatter glass) i think about brother dynamics in media a normal amount. i am so normal about them growing up together only for their destinies to be decided for them by their patron gods and the people around them, about how scott took himself out to protect his friends from xornoth but still just wanted his brother back to the point he’s in scott’s ideal world. i am so so normal.

favorite headcanon: i joke about the nonbinary/transmasc thing but also no parents are naming their two kids scott and xornoth atleast ONE person here has to be trans. it could even be both but i lean on xornoth for the transmasc nonbinary he/they energy. kingshit frankly

#answers #send me a character ask game #empires smp #empires smp s1 #empires smp xornoth #xornoth #i love him

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rachedurst · 11 months

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top 5 characters with transgender swag?

1. Naoto shirogane. To me. Someone tell this poor boy that "you can never cross the gender binary" is transphobic bs and his shadow was just spouting internalized transphobia 💔

2. Angela library of ruina is mtftm to me and if you're wondering wtf that means that's because I think Carmen tgirl swag so angela was modeled after her as a trans girl but then when disconnecting herself from being supposed to be like carmen went trans masc nonbinary swag . It's about the way she was trying to find herself while having a womans identity forced upon her that she denies that gives her that trans masc swagger (also her femininity was forced upon her by ayins design and when choosing her own appearance went way more androgynous + the different abno forms of angela present a wide array from fem to very masc and i just think thats v cool)

3. I dont have any reasoning for hod lobotomy corp being trans i just read a fic where she was a tgirl once and i was like yep im accepting that

4. roland is a bi trans man and im fully projecting on this one

5. Help me i have project moon brainrot uhhhhhhhhhh NOAH FROM ELSWORD THAT BOY IS SO TRANSGENDER moonguy swag rise up

#ask game #thank yuo for the ask.#now it wont look embarassing if noone semds me anything #moontalk

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jrwi-transgender-swag · 9 months

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Alastyr Cross

"bro u cant convince me he doesnt cook up his own T" - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "He just has that tboy swag. Mans goes by his "Adventuring Name". He did his and Strangle Macock's top surgeries fr." - Submitted For Transmasc Swag "Dude is a mad scientist with a poor relationship with his childhood and left to persue a life of perceived adventure. Alastyr literally chose their own name and has cycled through several in canon. Has been (accidentally) referred to with she/her pronouns by Bizly. Due to their lack of magic despite their family's skill in it they created magic of their own, like gender. Has performed diy top surgery for the prime defenders and made the convergence crew's hrt." - Submitted For Transmasc Swag

-------------------------

Gillion Tidestrider

(strap in for alot of propaganda lmao)

#WOOOOOOOO #jrwi trans tournament #jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi convergence #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi riptide #jrwi alastyr cross #alastyr cross #jrwi gillion #jrwi gillion tidestrider #gillion tidestrider

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hopefullyababe · 2 years

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i figured out why jimmy mcgill has such nonbinary swagger.

so a big part of jimmys arc essp throughout the first few seasons is shedding the fake exteriors hes built for himself as a lawyer.

hes worked hard to build an image exact to his peers and to the lawyers he looks up to (his brother, that tv laywer in e2s2, hamlin even) to the point of, on two different occasions, copying their suit exactly. he wears neutral colors and sensible shoes and he tries so hard to be subdued and professional. but even in s1e4: hero, when hes at the tailers copying hamlins suit his eyes are still drawn to the bright dress shirts and ties longingly.

as he learns to be more comfortable with himself and his identity as a lawyer he adopts more and more flamboyant suits. with it he lets himself be louder, more expressive, and more excitable. this also comes with his more criminal behavior which i think just furthers my point honestly. be gay do crime.

its easy then to look at this through a Gender lens.

you can imagine jimmy leaning into every aspect of typical masculinity that he possibly can trying to fit in. he literally takes notes about it. trying to be regular and normal and just like all his peers. he shrugs on the metaphorical Man Cloak every morning, trying to make it work and hoping that one day he wont have to because it will just come naturally. but it rings false every single time.

so he stops trying.

he embraces all his Out There-ness and hypo masculine traits. mostly because now hes ready to use his flamboyance as a weapon. he carves out a new identity that is so recognizable, and loud, and in your face that no one could possibly ignore him. and he gives himself a new name. Saul Goodman.

so yeah. the nonbinary swagger is palpable. thank you for coming to my ted talk

#better call saul #daphnes talking again #i just. i love him alot. i spin him in my head every time im supposed to be sleeping #him and kim just. i shake them up #I LOVE KIM TOO AND I HAVE A READ ON HER #its not a gender one but i DO have a read and its complimentary to an alternative jimmy read i have #im really excited about my other meta in the works because its so good. it might take awhile to finish and in that time someone else might #make it for me but hey! we can both have the same read thats fine ;P

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