this is fine.

i refuse to draw him in a normal length shirt. you cant make me

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

wild post totk: hi guys!

legend: what the FUCK are you wearing

wild, wearing the bdsm chain armor from the depths: i don’t know what you mean

me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb

gojo writers i now Formally understand the joy you all feel when writing about him

shoutout to twsb for having a motherly chara who survives despite donning the infamous "dead mom hairstyle"

...and for the actual angelic dead mom/deceased wife trope to instead go to Cedric's dilf dad cmsndmdbs <3

I TURNED THE HEEL!!!!!! that part was easy but the gusset gave me sooo much trouble. the silver lining is i finally learned how to safely undo knit stitches now lol. but i did it !! now i get the ease of simply knitting the foot in the round for a while

Corrie Guard: Fox & Patches

@megneato​​ did two more AMAZING commissions for me (the first was Ma Dong-Seok as Paz Vizsla, he’s beautiful, go look at him), which was to help get my headcanon down for what Fox looks like, and a design for my Corrie Medic OC, Patches! (I belatedly realized that is a common medic OC name. I am. Not sorry. ...or original.)

CC 1010: FOX

tired

like, so fucking tired

Constantly Vibrating Ball of Rage

hair gone white from stress and torture via Evil Sith Shenanigans

lightning scars around his neck, continue below armor on the right side of his torso

no tattoos so that he could pass as some of the other clones (this works up until the scarring and the trauma hair)

CT 9113: PATCHES

MASSIVE baby bro/vod’ika vibes, is from one of the more recent batches

very gentle and sweet and smiley

name comes from his patchwork scars, which were the result of being yeeted through a pane of glass (exact scenario as of yet undecided)

does actually have a kind bedside manner, but do not be fooled: he will also use the big sad eyes RUTHLESSLY

‘i’m not mad, just disappointed’ except instead of disappointed dad it’s your little brother who looks up to you and thinks the world of you and now you let him DOWN

that said, if he’s visibly angry, you should probably run.

entering @bumblebeeenby 's DTIYS AAAH i wanted to make a lloyd plushie for a while and this was the perfect excuse fr

and of course i drew something too cuz why wouldnt i this guy is just so silly

Please tell me about your lil fic idea :’) I’m in the mood for pain

i assume you're referencing This! it's nothing too angsty tbh. i was just thinkin' about how Barnaby likes to use Wally's head as a chew toy, so what if one day someone - like, say, Eddie - startled him while he was doin' just that

& what if Barnaby bit down a little too hard, and moved a little too fast, and fuckign oopsie! ripped his lil buddy's head right off! and tossed it right at Eddie

Ok this one is gonna be random as hell but have you guys ever SEEN this Fortnite guy?????

I never EVER imagined I’d draw a Fortnite original character but I’ve been smitten by his emo-ness💀🧌

I apologize for this one 🗿

my fav ship dynamic except it's just my OCs Mishka + his dad Gustav, because I was starved for content, so I made my own food. dadson + guilt + weird messed up trans guy content. 💘

I so badly wanted to keep it simple and do an actual "ship dynamics" simple sketch vague-ing about my characters, but um I guess I had it in me to do more today. how.

A lil john doodle/sketch 🌺

Flower gifted by arthur

making a collection

making another collection with a threatening aura

it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.

i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.

there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.

'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.

to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.

and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.

but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.