#hes a kind man at heart he rly is but i think being born at the peak of the class pyramid does smth to a person lmao
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how deep is your devotion? ; satoru gojo
synopsis; you’re his knight, and he’s your prince. if only it were that simple.
word count; 6.6k
contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, royalty au (..but no effort put into making it historically accurate in any way oops), knight!reader x prince!toru!!, childhood friends, mutual pining, fluffy overall, some hurt/comfort too, vague allusions to abuse (reader is punished by one of the castle maids as a child but it’s only really hinted at), knight!reader is horrendously devoted but prince!gojo is arguably worse, he would burn the world down if u asked nicely <3
a/n; big big BIG thank u to @softgirlgonehaywire for having the biggest brain in the world and infecting me w this concept <33 if u pay attention while reading u can tell the exact moment i started slowly spiraling into insanity
you are five years old when you meet the prince.
five years old, a mere child, and too young to be blinded by such brilliance. too young to be where you are; curled up in a dark alley, back against a grimy brick wall, covered in bruises. like a beaten dog — scrawny and afraid. waiting for a strike that never comes.
the boy in front of you is also five years old, but you don’t know that. something in him looks older, somehow, something in the way he carries himself. like he doesn’t have anything to be afraid of. like he’s never even felt fear. he parts his lips and speaks like he has the right to, like he’s comfortable in his own skin, a radiance so blinding you could mistake him for the sun. too much for you to bear.
”does it hurt?”
the words fall on deaf ears. but you flinch, your body reacts, a tremble down your tiny spine. you hear the sound but not the words. too mesmerized, too paralyzed, unable to look away from the blue of his eyes, painted with rich watercolour hues. seeping into the world around you like ink on paper, cobalt and aquamarine and something else, something you’ve never seen before —
a blue so jarring it makes you shiver.
the boy has an innocent face. almost girlish, plump cheeks and long lashes, clean clothes and smooth skin. a little too pretty to be out here, you think, in this part of town — too pure to be anywhere near someone like you. he’s above you, that much you can tell. a pretty, innocent face, untouched by dirt or ache; the face of royalty. an entirely different species.
there’s something keen in his eyes, a contrast to his childlike features. a sharp gaze, something that sees through you, something that won’t look away. something mildly frightening. enough to have you cowering in fear, hugging your knees closer to your chest.
but then he smiles. and it’s sincere. sweet, vibrant, all honey and milk and a world you cannot reach.
a smile so captivating you take his outstretched hand, and let him drag you away to god-knows-where.
(that's how it begins. the dynamic that’ll follow you into your adult lives; satoru takes the lead, and you follow. no matter where he’s going.)
satoru gojo, as you soon come to learn, is the prince of the nation you reside in. the only child of the royal family, born with talent and prestige, fame and fortune, set to become king. a different species, indeed.
but he brings you home with him, to a castle so grand you feel as if your very presence is an insult to the architects who designed it, and convinces his parents to let you stay. it’s surprising, but you don’t protest; following him like a puppy at his trail. and he’s stubborn, insistent, demanding that he get to keep said puppy.
the king and queen don’t care one way or another. they glance at you with apathy, and tell satoru to do what he wants — but convincing the scary and displeased castle maids takes some work.
satoru doesn’t waver, though. he holds your hand in his, and demands that you be treated with respect.
and he wins. he always wins.
that’s how you become the prince’s playmate. raised alongside him, allowed to stay close, eat from the same food. he won’t settle for anything less. defending your honour, always, before you even know what honour means. before you care.
time passes slowly. joyously. every day is a new adventure, as you attempt to get used to the miracle that is your new life — sweet and silky, apricot blossoms and fresh peaches, duvet pillows and a bubbly laughter you didn’t know you still had. he coaxes it out of you, with every secret midnight outing, every bout of mischief he drags you both into.
satoru has nice hands, uncalloused palms, fingers that grasp yours and don’t let go. he takes you outside, to see the stars, to catch fireflies in the dark of night on top of the hill that oversees the castle. to take a dip in the river just below it, gleaming a silver hue under the blue shade of the moon. you worry about getting in trouble, but he reassures you — the prince can do what he wants.
that might be true, but you are no prince. not even close. satoru may safeguard you, but all you’ll ever be in the eyes of the world is a stray he got to keep.
and one time, only one time, you do face the repercussions of your midnight outings. you, and you alone. a bad influence — seething words, buzzing in your ears. an angry castle maid, and a stinging pain in your cheek. blurry tears.
but that’s an incident no one in the castle dares to speak of.
(you’ll never forget that look in his eyes.)
satoru is an odd boy. he keeps you close, always, clinging to you like he needs you to breathe. you don’t understand why, but you’ve learned not to question him. the castle guards all know you as the prince’s best friend, and some part of you knows that’s all you’ll ever amount to. but you don’t mind.
because you love him. at five years old, six years old, seven and beyond, you love him. satoru gojo, the kindest boy in the stratosphere.
a boy who keeps finding you, no matter where you are, who tugs you along as naturally as the rise of the sun. who raids kitchen cabinets with you and always makes you laugh, little giggles and chuckles that have him beaming proudly. a boy who cleans your wounds with a serious expression, and tells you that he’ll protect you forever.
(you tell yourself the same. that you’ll protect him forever and ever, until you run out of air to breathe. a boy so sweet you’d die for him.)
a pledge is made. you make it before you know what a pledge is. pledging to protect him, to become his sword, because even as a child you understand that his life will be difficult. you see it in the dullness that sometimes comes over his eyes, the apathy of his so-called parents, the hours he spends locked up with nothing but a pile of dusty books to keep him company.
so you decide to become his knight. his, and his alone.
it’s challenging. but you push through; training with another aspiring knight, miles better than you, black hair tousled by the breeze as he knocks you off your feet for the thirtieth consecutive time. wincing as the girl who sometimes watches your sparring patches you up, soft hands cleaning your wounds so tenderly that you almost choke up.
and eventually, as the apricot blossoms of the castle orchard wilt and bloom over and over in a flurry of pure white, your dream comes true.
there’s something playful in satoru’s eyes, when he places his blade on the curve of your shoulder. something sweet and fond, and just a little bit ironic — as if you’re still seven years old, and playing house.
you want to tell him that it isn’t a joke. that you’re serious, about this, that you’d tear your stomach open to keep him safe. but you know he’d just laugh. so you let the words clog up your throat, honey-sweet devotion sticking to the walls of your esophagus. breathing in through your nose, as he speaks. as the words you’ve waited to hear flow from his glossy lips.
when all is said and done, satoru smiles. he calls you his little knight, and you can tell that he’s teasing you. indulging you, as if he’s in on some joke that you aren’t. but you’ll take what you can get.
you call him my prince, expecting him to laugh it off, but his smile begins to fall. and a pang of ache rushes through your soul, instantaneous, guilty, although you don’t understand why.
so you keep calling him satoru. even though it’s more than a little unprofessional, and you become painfully accustomed to receiving a few judgemental looks here and there. a knight and a prince shouldn’t be so very close, they think, and you don’t disagree. but there’s nothing they can do about it, anyhow.
the prince and his knight can do what they want.
not much changes. you’re his knight, but he treats you the same as before. he’s playful, a little goofy, and you indulge him. as always. attached at the hip, bickering and bantering, bouncing off each other effortlessly. and satoru never bothers to hide your history, the soft spot he has for you; it’s in every fleeting glance, soft tilt of his head, teasing call of ah, there’s my favorite knight.
(you’re no stranger to jealous looks. sometimes a pout on the lips of a pretty girl, a crease between the brows of one of your fellow knights. and sometimes a glare, from his fiancée — a woman he was engaged to before he was old enough to speak.
but you don’t mind. you’ve never cared what anyone but satoru thinks of you.)
satoru never loses his smile, that effortless air of confidence. the charm that makes people want to follow him, a charisma you know well. one you fell victim to at five years of age. he’s still just a prince, far from being a king, but he receives the same respect.
and that keen, sharp glimmer in his eyes never quite goes away; the hardened shell around his heart unbroken. you see it in fleeting glances, during meetings, ones he allows you to attend despite your status. when he speaks to a room of people with more power than you can imagine, his voice unwavering. back straight. elegant, serious, the presence of royalty — enough to receive respect without even trying.
but he still shoots you a smile, easygoing, when your eyes meet. one only you can see.
as for you, the step into knighthood is a clumsy one. but you take your duties seriously, and adjust properly. a deep devotion runs through your veins, from your beating heart down to the tips of your fingers, where a sword lies clutched. you keep it close, always, ready to serve. to obey. to protect.
all of it for one person.
all you do is for him. duels in his honour, beasts slain for his peace of mind, and he’s always there to welcome you back. wiping the blood from your cheek, tenderly, smearing his untainted skin with red; all while he looks at you softly, a coo or word of praise waltzing on the tip of his tongue.
that’s only for when you remain unscathed, though, when the blood on your cheek isn’t your own. when you get hurt, it’s different — something begins to brew inside his eyes, and you can’t tell what it is. but he insists on bandaging you himself, paying no mind to your meek protests.
sometimes, you’re more reckless than usual. your injuries worse. sometimes he looks upset, angry with you, and doesn’t speak. you don’t, either.
a strange look comes over his eyes, every now and then. when you get down on one knee, to kiss his hand, the metal of the ring on his finger — and if you look up, you’ll see it. simmering inside those blue depths, something just as fond as it is sad. troubled, you think.
(something tells you he’d kneel, too, if only you’d let him.)
the bond between you remains intact. even as you begin to shoulder more responsibilities, more duties, even though you don’t have as much freedom as you used to. even though you seem to get less time to spend with each other every single day. but you stay together, even so; just like when you were children, running around and causing trouble, more than you could get away with now.
despite everything, satoru has grown up into a fine man. and you couldn't be prouder.
“do you think i look good in black? be honest.”
you throw him a glance. curious, somewhat perplexed, eyeing him up and down.
satoru is wearing a white blouse, puffy sleeves and a low neckline, showing off the skin of his bare chest. no black colours to be seen. you think back to that banquet he attended last month, forced into an expensively tailored black coat. a corset around his waist. and then you hum.
“sure you do.”
”suguru said it makes me look like a try-hard,” he scoffs, crossing his arms. tilting his head in your direction. ”do you think he’s jealous?”
”definitely.”
a moment passes.
satoru narrow his eyes, and gives you a dubious look. clicking his tongue. ”… something tells me you aren’t taking this seriously.”
”i am,” you assure him, a lazy smile at your lips. meeting his gaze, that displeased little pout. still smoothing a brush down the mane of your horse, the smell of hay soothing your muddled senses. ”just tired. you look good in anything. you know that.”
he hums. silent, the sound of a spring breeze filling in the gaps.
it’s late. outside the stables, the world is engulfed by a dark sky, almost too murky to see anything. hazy stars glimmer in the distance, and a sense of fatigue gnaws at your bones. it’s been a long day, and yet you’re here — doing even more work. just a little more.
and satoru’s right there with you. even though he’s just sitting there, on the floor, not lifting a finger to help. not that he has to. insistent on spending some quality time with you, keeping you company. just talking and munching on the food he snuck in, bread and cheese and an expensive bottle of wine, that he leaves completely untouched. he tries to leave some of everything else for you, though. keyword being tries.
a sense of peace simmers in the air. palpable, almost enough to taste, as midnight air streams in from the opened doors, chilly and pleasant on your skin. ruffling the thin fabric of your clothing.
and it’s nice, you think, just to have satoru there — talking about this and that, complaining about all the annoying people he had to meet yesterday, yawning every now and then. nostalgic. like this, it almost feels like you're still kids. back when you spent every single hour of the day by each other’s side.
it’s been a long time since you got the chance to speak like this. satoru’s been busy, and so have you. more so than usual.
”are they running you ragged?” he suddenly asks, and you don’t realize you’ve spent the last minute staring into space. resuming your brushing, with steady hands, but turning your head to meet his gaze.
”need me to…” he makes a slicing motion with his hand, right over his throat. a glint of mischief in his eyes. ”handle it?”
and you scoff. amused, but answering him seriously; unsure if his question is all-together humorous, if it doesn’t carry a hint of something genuine too. ”of course not.”
there’s a weariness in the way you blink. the way you pet the animal in front of you, having finished getting the dirt and blood clots out of her mane. she lays down in her stall, and you smile. turning around to rest your back against the wooden border between you, a respite for your aching bones.
it gets just a little bit tiring, sometimes. fighting, patrolling, helping townsfolk. protecting the castle, making sure everything is in order. killing whatever needs to be killed. cleaning the stained silver of your sword.
but…
”it’s my duty,” you answer, seriously, and it comes out sounding like a vow. because it is.
you avoid his gaze, but you can feel it, as you pick up the wine bottle by your feet and pop the cork. soft moonlight flits in from the windows, illuminating the green glass. a chartreuse glow that reminds you of fireflies, shimmering in your grasp, and for some reason it soothes your heart.
satoru only hums, far from approving. popping a piece of cheese into his mouth.
after a brief pause, he continues. ”you don’t have to be so serious all the time, you know.” his voice comes out a little raspy. it’s got a certain tilt to it, one that means he wants you to take him seriously. ”not around me.”
you take a sip of the wine. expensive, blood red. it’s too sweet for your taste, heavy on your tongue.
”… i’m less serious with you than i am with others.”
satoru sits up a little straighter.
”yeah?” he grins, a kind of satisfaction blooming in his eyes. cerulean and sweet. almost smug, you think, like the cat that got the cream. ”that’s good. you really should loosen up, though.”
a glance. fleeting, just to see him — but he isn’t looking at you. he’s looking outside, through the opened window, at the sway of the apricot trees. white petals flitting in, landing by his feet. in his hair.
when his eyes meet yours, they’re smoothed over by that something you can never put your finger on. a blend between longing and fondness. crinkled at the edges.
”you’ve got a pretty smile,” he exhales. ”be a shame not to show it off.”
when you look at him, really look at him, you see it. that fatigue. it slips out when he talks to you, a sincere way of speaking that never quite allows him to hide his emotions. you hear the hint of a yawn, can practically feel the weight on his shoulders. the weight of an entire nation. a weight he was always bound to carry.
(you could never bring yourself to be even remotely alright with it.)
“have you been doing okay?” you ask, and satoru blinks. there’s a soft look in your eyes, as they trail over the contours of his face, his lashes catching the light of the stars. an innocent, pretty face. but he looks tired. frail. like he hasn’t been sleeping properly.
something rotten bubbles up inside your throat.
”they’re running you ragged, too,” you say, hand settling on your hip. where your sword usually is. unconsciously, on instinct — or maybe just to make him laugh. ”need me to step in?”
satoru chuckles. husky, mellow. dripping with soft amusement.
”settle down, little knight.”
a moment passes. silent. his eyes flutter shut, for a second, and a breath slips from his lips. almost a sigh. in the distance, you hear the quiet coo of an owl.
”of course,” he eventually answers, opening his eyes. and you think he looks a little resigned. but smiling. self-deprecating, you think, although he’d like you to assume otherwise. ”all of it is just preparation, anyhow.”
a flimsy smile, as he looks into your knowing eyes. ”it’s what i was born for, wasn’t it?”
you purse your lips.
“… i don’t think so.”
another chuckle. a little delighted, this time.
“yeah,” he cranes his neck, emitting a low groan. “me neither.” something sweet blossoms in his eyes, sweet like the crunch of the apple he bites into, juice dribbling down his chin. ”but it is what it is.”
a beat. you part your lips, trying to find the right words. ”tell me if there's anything i can do,” you settle on. the same words you always choose. ”anything at all.”
satoru smiles. “right.” his voice carries a teasing tilt; almost a purr. ”there’s nothing you wouldn't do for me, hm?”
“— there isn’t.” you smile. “nothing at all.”
he blinks. a little dazed, for a second, and you watch as his ears redden. slight, enough for you to notice, but gone before you can bring it up. a contemplation smooths over his features. and a pleasant breeze flits in, ruffling his hair, apricot petals kissing up his skin. he looks at the apple in his hands.
then he sighs. placing his palms on his knees, and rising to his feet. his arms twitch, muscular beneath the flimsy blouse, and you gulp. although you aren’t sure why.
“alright, then.” his eyes flicker in the dim light, sharp and decisive. he crosses over to you with long strides. “there is something you can do.”
when he’s close enough, satoru reaches out his hand; opening his palm. a silent beckoning. you look at him, not saying a word. his expression is unreadable.
then you intertwine your fingers with his. unquestioningly, even in the midst of your confusion.
(it reminds you of that day. when he pulled you up to your feet, held your hand in his and refused to let go. leading you to the promise of something better.)
no matter where he goes, you follow.
and satoru grins. it’s sweet, just like back then, a smile so vibrant you wish you could tuck it into your sleeve and keep it there forever. he curls his fingers around yours, gentle, fondness bubbling up inside his eyes. for a second, you think you see the sun.
“come with me.”
at first, you truly aren’t sure where he’s going to take you. hand in hand, you begin to walk, feeling the midnight breeze nip at your skin. beyond the castle walls, away from the hustle and bustle of the nearby town. satoru holds your hand and smiles, tousled tufts of white hair swaying with the wind, leading you to a place you know well. a place where the air tastes like freedom.
it’s the river you used to play by as children.
gleaming a solemn silver under the evanescent moon, framed by bushes of lilacs, blooming indigo and violet and pure white. butterflies flutter about, almost glittering, blue wings settling down on the leaves. the scent of nectar hangs heavy in the air. on top of the hill just above you, you think you can spot tiny little glowing dots; green and yellow, buzzing around. dancing merrily, now that there aren’t any troublemaker children left to trap them.
satoru lets go of your hand, to roll up his sleeves. the hems of his pants. then he’s taking a step forward, dangerously close to the edge of the river, and you can tell what he’s thinking.
“ah — wait —“ you stumble forward, to grab hold of his arm. a worried crease forms between your brows. “that's dangerous, satoru. you could slip and fall.”
he turns to face you, a teasing mirth in his eyes. smirking lightly. “oh? is that so?” he hums, a slight tilt of his head. then he’s stepping closer, so close you feel his warm breath on your skin, but you will yourself not to step back. “wanna know what i think?”
he leans forward, just a little further, warm air brushing against the shell of your ear. flushing beneath it. his voice comes out low, a sleepy lilt, dangerously raspy. hand ghosting over your waist.
”i think you’re too scared to get in.”
you blink.
”… really?” you deadpan, stepping back a tad. satoru looks pleased with himself. awfully amused.
“really,” he purrs. “you were always like that. could barely dip your toes in without shivering.” he reaches out to pinch your cheek, a coo on the tip of his tongue. ”scaredy-cat.”
you raise your brow. unimpressed.
satoru steps back. inching closer to the river, until a quiet splash tells you that he’s standing in the water. lapping up his bare legs, not enough to even reach his knees — it felt a lot scarier when you were smaller. he’s still holding your hand, very loosely, fingertips ghosting your own.
“c’mon,” he coaxes. soft, encouraging, a playful glimmer in his eyes. teeth catching the light of the moon. “or is it too much for my brave knight to handle?”
satoru laughs, when you furrow your brows, attempting to hide the flush of your cheeks. a warmth spreads through your chest at the term of endearment, and you bite your lip. melting a little.
his knight. his favourite knight.
“.. fine,” you tangle your fingers in his own. sighing deeply, taking a tentative step forward. “just be careful, okay? i don't want to deal with your whining if you hit your head.”
“ah, but you’d kiss it better, no? if i asked?” he flashes you a honeyed grin, eyes rich with amusement. you hope the darkness of the night is enough to hide the red of your ears.
a grumble buzzes in your throat, locked behind your pursed lips. something in your jaw goes tight.
the man in front of you softens. parting his glossy lips. he says your name; slowly, thoughtfully, as if savouring every syllable. dragging them out, speaking with a lilt that tells you he’s being sincere.
“— loosen up. it’s just you and me.”
so you do.
and it’s odd. how easy it is to get lost in him, the watercolour of his eyes, the brightness of his grin. how pliantly you let him whisk you away. before you know it, you’re playing in the water — because satoru splashed you, laughing at the shock on your face and the shiver of your spine, and you had no choice but to retaliate.
the sound of his laughter fills the air, sweet and bubbly. deep and giddy. strands of hair stick to his wet skin, droplets running down his neck, but his grin never falters. bright and toothy, boyish. he looks younger than you ever remember him being. like there’s no weight on his shoulders, none at all, only soaked fabric weighing him down. a flimsy, see-through blouse.
you think it’s ridiculous. two grown adults, splashing each other like children. but his melodic giggles are contagious, and before you know it, you’re laughing too — and satoru looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. through dewy eyelashes, with cerulean eyes that melt into the pale blue of the moon and the silver of the river. filled with wonder.
a particularly ruthless splash knocks him off balance, and he has the instinct to reach for your arm; stumbling, slipping, dragging you down with him. you land on his chest, cheek against his neck, his pulse against your skin. erratic, joyous. fluttering happily.
his chest is heaving. lifting you up and down, a little, rhythmic and comforting.
a sudden yelp slips past your lips, as you get snapped back into reality, into the realization that you basically just pushed your own prince into a river and used his unfairly soft chest as a cushion. a mumbled string of apologies escapes you, as you attempt to get up, scrambling to find footing.
but satoru wraps his arms around you. tucking you under his chin, keeping you flush against his chest. nice and still.
and then he sighs. a blissful little breath, fatigue seeping out of him. into the air.
“stay like this, for a bit,” he rasps. ”it’s okay.”
his heartbeat resounds in your ear. warm and rapid, like claps of thunder, coaxing you into closing your eyes. satoru has always felt so very safe. the water of the river is cold, seeping through the fabric of your clothing and sticking to your skin, but…
(he’s warm.)
silence. and then, a whisper; frail, slipping past his lips, gently slicing the silence in half. softer than you've ever heard him speak.
“i missed this.”
…
nuzzling into his neck, you breathe him in. he smells like sandalwood and dried roses, buzzing with warmth, heavy arms around your waist. solid. when did he get so big? you used to be taller.
then again — that was a long time ago, wasn’t it?
“… me too.”
“missed you,” he continues, his jaw on top of your head. it’s a sincere confession; childlike in its innocence. “missed hearing you laugh like that. feels like it’s been so long.”
you stay silent. unsure of what to say. satoru continues, and you let his husky voice carry you away, the tremor of his chest running through your entire body. soothing like a lullaby.
”we haven't had much time together, lately. i’ve been worried,” he admits, and something about it strikes you as rather sheepish. a little ashamed. ”it bothers me that i can't be there to watch over you. make sure you're treated with respect, you know.”
a sleepy chuckle. muffled into his shoulder, almost a scoff — slightly exasperated. little droplets cling to his skin, sticking to your lips.
”relax, your majesty,” you tease. ”i promise the other knights aren’t bullying me.”
satoru pouts. you can hear it, when he speaks. ”i’m serious,” he huffs, squeezing you lightly. ”and it’s not them i’m worried about. suguru’s there.”
another scoff threatens to escape your throat. you want to tell him the only knight that should be suspected of bullying you is suguru himself, but before you can even think to part your lips satoru’s beaten you to it.
”they all treat you so carelessly.” there’s something cold to his voice, an irritation tugging at his teeth. oddly seething. ”like you exist to serve them. like you’re disposable.”
a moment passes, heavy with a silence so thick you don’t dare break it. when he speaks again, it’s an order. a demand.
”i want you to tell me if they go too far.”
silence. again. you can do nothing but gnaw at the flesh of your bottom lip.
(he isn’t wrong. but that’s simply what it means to be a knight — half-human, half-weapon. an unattainable ideal, stuffed inside a suit of armor.
when a weapon breaks under the force of a slash, the only choice is to throw it away. that much you know.)
”it’s fine. i’m not that fragile,” you weakly protest, but it’s not enough. satoru huffs.
”you’re a human being,” he reminds you. strangely stern, for once. chastising. ”you deserve to be treated with respect. knight or not. fragile or not.”
a deep inhale. he breathes in, and the rise of his chest carries you with it. his voice buzzes with something, a slumbering kind of fury. one you haven’t heard in years.
“if anyone gives you trouble — if anyone hurts you… if anyone makes you feel unsafe,” he almost spits the words, like they’re venomous, sacrilegious. ”tell me. i’ll destroy them.”
silence. and then, a chuckle.
that’s all you can manage; that one meek little breath. resisting the urge to cower, at the love that clings to every word he speaks. angered affection. a promise, dangerously genuine, like a growing wildfire.
”i can take care of myself, satoru,” you remind him. hoping it’ll soothe him. ”you know that.”
but his grip around you only tightens. gentle, even still. as if you’re made of glass, a firefly cupped in his palms. he lets the silence linger, for a moment.
and then;
“i’d do it, you know.”
a questioning hum. “do what?” you ask, though some part of you already knows.
satoru’s reply is instantaneous. an arrow hitting its target, cold and concise, decisive. frighteningly honest. almost a growl, flattened, a hint of teeth behind his soft lips. ”destroy them. anyone.”
”i’d tear this nation apart if you asked me to.”
…
(ah. that look in his eyes — one you remember well. strung together with blurred memories, the sting of a palm on your cheek, a castle maid you never saw again.)
you search for the words. biting back a gulp, hesitant. “… i wouldn’t.”
“i know.” satoru yawns, breathing you in, voice shifting back into the softness you’re so used to. your shoulders relax. “but i would. if that’s what you wanted.”
and it’s a little scary, the depths of his devotion. but you’re almost certain you’d do the same for him. maybe you're both a little sick in the head, a little too eager to serve your hearts on a silver platter.
“it bothers me, you know.” satoru breaks you out of your thoughts. gentle, a soft lull of his tongue. ”when you get hurt. when you fight for me.”
“i know,” you murmur. you’ve seen it in his eyes, a worry he’s not as good at hiding as he thinks. ”i want to, though.”
“and i want you to be safe.” a chuckle bubbles up in his throat, just a little bit rueful. “you never listen, do you? so stubborn, i swear. always worrying me.”
you bite down on your lip. he sounds… a little sad.
“… sorry.”
a moment’s pause. then he shakes his head; cradling you close. “it’s fine. i’m here. always,” his palm runs down the small of your back. ”in case anything happens.”
he inhales. ”and when i become king —” a beat. he swallows thickly. ”you’ll never have to worry again. no one will be able to touch you.”
”satoru,” you crack a small smile. amused. raising a single eyebrow. ”i’m not worried. i can protect myself.”
”i know. but i’m saying you don’t have to.”
and then he’s pulling back. just a little bit, just enough to see you. cheek smushed against his chest, comfortable and soft, more unguarded than he’s seen you these past few months. it’s enough to get his heart racing.
enough to have him reaching out, fingertips ghosting over your hand, tangling your fingers together. bringing it to his glossy lips. a chaste kiss, brimming with unspoken murmurs of love.
”— i’ll protect you forever,” he vows. ”remember?”
there’s devotion in his eyes. heavy, a vow he’ll never quite be able to voice in full. something that makes the blue of his eyes glow even brighter, cerulean, aquamarine, a blue so jarring it makes your heart beat faster than it should.
you blink. starstruck, caught in a daze, lost within that sea of blue. distracted by his warm breath on your cold skin, the soft whisper voiced against your knuckle. something shy blossoms in your chest, enough to have you averting your gaze.
“... you really don’t care about the dynamic here, do you?” is all you can reply. a meek scoff, a weak attempt at hiding how flustered you are. “i’m the knight. i’m your protector.”
“oh, i know.” a smile sticks to his lips, playful, the back of his hand caressing your cheek. a coo on his tongue. “my little hero. what would i ever do without you?”
a roll of your eyes. satoru chuckles. in the distance, you hear crickets chirping, a breeze rustling the lilac bushes all around you. he’s still cradling your cheek, smoothing over your wet skin, brushing a drop of water away with his thumb. clinging to your bottom eyelash.
“i don't get it, though.”
you blink. when you meet his eyes, satoru looks a little perplexed. muttering under his breath, absently rubbing circles over your cheekbone. you resist the urge to close your eyes again, biting back a blissful sigh.
”a prince shouldn’t care for his knight…” he repeats, like he’s heard the string of words a million times before. ”the idea of that. i don’t understand it. never have.”
the smile that blossoms on his lips is soft, indescribably so, as if he’s looking at the most precious thing in his life. rich and warm, like wine in your veins, nectar on your tongue, a chest pressed against your own. dripping with fondness.
satoru tilts his head, as if in confusion — but he’s smiling. “what’s so strange about wanting to protect the one dearest to my heart?”
…
his hand slips from your skin, a warmth leaving your cheek. only to search for your hand, again, cradling it in his larger palm. placing it right over his chest, against the soaked material of his blouse. ”feel that?”
you do. a rhythmic rise and fall, a soft flutter from the depths of his ribcage. as if it’s itching to break out, out of the cage that binds it, the hardened shell around it. a heart too big for his body.
”it’s you,” satoru whispers. ”all for you.”
a moment passes.
silently, you lean forward; tucking yourself into his neck. into that comforting warmth, wet skin beginning to dry, the steady thrum of his heart right by your ear. you listen. not saying a word, afraid of what might leave the confines of your strangled throat. it feels as if your heart has begun to crawl upwards, sweet honey blocking your airways, and all you can do it feel it pulse.
all while satoru gazes at you, fondly. placing a big palm on the back of your head.
fireflies dance in the distance. butterflies flutter about. strings of lilacs bloom under the glow of the moon. and satoru’s heartbeat never changes, never falls out of tune, a sound you would recognize even if the sky were to shatter, if the world were to end. the sound that saved you, the boy who dragged you out of hell. into his light.
satoru gojo is everything. he’s the beat of your heart, the silver of your sword, the reason you believe in goodness. he’s your prince, your favorite person, and you’ll protect him until your very last breath. until the world runs out of oxygen.
a boy so sweet you’d die for him.
(a boy so sweet he wouldn’t want you to.)
a shiver runs down his spine — sudden, a shudder of his bones, and a quiet little sniffle. you feel it, hear it, and don’t attempt to bite back the fond smile that slips into the curve of your lips.
”c’mon,” you beckon, almost a coo, placing your palms on his chest to hoist yourself up. ”let’s go home.”
but satoru shakes his head. and then he traps you again, strong arms around your waist, pressing you against him. you could escape — you’re almost certain you’re stronger — but you don’t quite have the heart to. ”it’s fine,” he huffs. almost a whine. ”stay.”
”you’ll get sick.”
”i never get sick.”
a deep exhale. tumbling from your lips, just a little bit humorous. mostly exasperated. ”that can change,” you mumble, fingertips dancing along his exposed skin. absentmindedly.
a smile. one you can’t see, but you hear it clear as day. he sounds content, like he’s got everything he needs right in front of him. ”some things never change,” he informs you. pleased. ”just look at us.”
and he’s right. so you don’t say anything else.
but your heartbeat quickens, only for a beat or two, and you’re almost certain he feels it. if he does, he opts not to tease you for once, and you’re grateful. and so the silence lingers. as if time has begun to freeze, into an eternal dusk, a string of silent seconds. broken only by low melodic chirping from the faraway fields, his soft breaths in your ear.
until satoru suddenly chuckles.
“hey,” he hums, shifting a little, the river swaying around you. pulling back to meet your gaze, eyes crinkled and voice raspy. “wanna know a secret?”
you raise your head. a dubious look on your face, one that has him breathing out an amused puff of air, like you’re getting ready to hear a bad joke. “... what is it?”
before the words have fully left your throat, he’s resting his forehead against yours — breath fanning over your lips. a pleasant shiver trails down your spine, at the close proximity, goosebumps spreading across your chilled skin. only exacerbated by the whisper that follows, so quiet you almost don’t know if you heard him correctly. childlike in its sincerity. a sunlaced smile woven in between the vowels.
“i think i was born to meet you.”
(a sentiment so sweet you barely even feel the warmth of his lips meeting yours.)
#u both catch a cold the next day <33#anyway i am normal about the devotion of a loyal knight paired w the devotion of a man who’s only ever loved one single person in his life#shoutout to knight x royalty dynamics for inventing romance#i wanted to get a good balance on prince!gojo’s twisted side and soft side so i hope i did ok!! :’3#hes a kind man at heart he rly is but i think being born at the peak of the class pyramid does smth to a person lmao#i didn't touch on it in the fic but he would have turned out a lotttt more twisted if he hadnt met reader as a child …#what if i was ur knight..;;; and u were my prince….;;;;; and we changed the trajectory of each other’s lives 😳😳 👉👈#mickey if u see this!!! tysm for letting me write abt this concept i had so much fun!!! this fic is for u <33#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru fluff#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo x y/n#gojo x you#gojo fluff#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x gender neutral reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen
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hi Raytorosaurus, in the beginning of your post you said Ray has done interviews, podcasts, and blogged in recent years, can you please link me to those things? I would be extremely and eternally grateful <3
yes ofc!! this one by tom bryant (author of not the life it seems) is my favourite! and not just because ray talks about how much he loves being a stay at home dad doing chores while his wife gets her master's degree. it's just sweet, and goes a little more in depth into remember the laughter's concept than some of these other interviews.
this one isn't remember the laughter related, but tom bryant also did this interview with him the year before, after he released for the lost and brave dedicated to leelah alcorn (cw non-graphic discussion of suicide). it's really fucking sweet. ray talks a lot about his family and about fatherhood and about how he wants to raise his kids to be as kind and socially conscious as possible in pretty much all of the interviews i've linked here, but i really fucking love this thing he says in this one in particular:
"If ever my son was having a rough time I would just hope that he would trust me and allow me to be there for him. It’s common for parents and older people to look at youth in a negative way and to not respect the young as people. My wife always says that a lot of parents treat their kids like property – the whole, ‘this is my house, these are my rules and you must abide by my law’. You have to put yourself on the same level as your kid, you have to relate to them as a person. I hope that there’s more understanding about the differences between people in the future that my son grows up in.”
at the risk of sounding like a broken record, this one is also really fucking sweet. again he talks about the values he wants to impart on his kids, and how his son is featured in the lucky ones playing his child's percussion set :'''')
this one is a bit longer and just rly cute lol like just fun vibes
there's a couple of shorter ones here and here that are also worth a read. there's also this review that i like - it's not 100% positive but the writer does make a point of saying he's shocked the album didn't get much attention despite ray having been in mcr. yeah me too dude :(
this is a podcast he appeared on - he did at least one or two others but i think sadly they've been lost to time :(((((( but god this one is so sweet he's just sooooo. so <3. ray also says the band broke up a few weeks after his son was born in september 2012 which is interesting lol.
sadly a bunch of his blog stuff has been lost to time because the wayback machine has done a spotty job of archiving it but you can try to explore around the archived pages a bit. if you click around to different dates or subpages you can see some of his photography (tho sadly a lot of it hasn't been saved :((( ) and a few blog posts. you might even come across his shitty vent poetry lol <3333
and then i love this interview sooooo much too like this writer really gets it. ray talks about how he got obsessed with this free climber after watching a mountaineering documentary which inspired the great beyond, so the great beyond actually features a fucking chalk bag as a percussion instrument because he's insane and i love him. it also has the line "enthusiasm leaking from him like a punctured capri-sun" LOL. and then it wraps up with this statement that i really love:
Mixed, engineered and almost entirely performed by Toro, ‘Remember The Laughter’ is very much this man’s pride and joy. Every nuance of the record is explained with intricate detail and the subject matter held within comes straight from his heart. Whether you like it or not remains to be seen, as its influences are often drawn from well outside the My Chemical Romance sphere. Whether you listen to it or not, though, really comes down to this: do you want to hear some honest music?
because honestly that's the one common thread through all of mcr's discography and every single one of their solo projects. they are all 100% earnest. they all access that honesty in different ways and ray's definitely not a super accomplished lyricist so some of the lines on rtl verge on corny or schmaltzy sometimes but they never, ever sound fake or inauthentic. he wrote the album imagining he was speaking the lyrics to his son to instill a sense of hope in him about the world so he'd grow up with the belief that he was capable of making it a better place and he fucking means every word of it bro. he's ray toro :( i like him :((((
#reread a bunch of these while i was putting this together and now i'm down so fucking bad for him this happens every time#like why are you the most lovable man in the universe huh#anyway sorry this took me a while to get to life is crazy huh#answered#ray toro#rtl#interview#ref
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quick thoughts
- I know it might be a mistake later but i BELIEVE beatos tears the va is too good im afraid
- I like u lambdabern nice hidden teaparty Yup its quite a personality reveal on berns part though im sure theyll appear more in answer arcs which makes me happy... truly the cover girls of the series EVERYONES seen those two
- at one point with sakutaro i figured a magic being might be just personifications of objects (think beatrice portrait) but while that may be the case for the red eyed furnitures (stakes plushie ETC chiester sisters some kinda guns or whatever) thats definitely not what witches are
- i almost want to claim witches are born from humans but it seems unlikely case idk??? virgilia. We know how ange as a witch was born same with maria partly and even miss bernkastel!!! i still am willing to believe lambdas somehow born from miss satoko but i wouldnt yet be able to properly explain it out... So a witch is just a human who made some kind of contract with another witch or demon????? girl idk (sure everyone ik shouldve been acknowledged but like i dont know if thats like just a honor thing or a necessity to call someone a witch u know)
- i absolutely understand nothing about beato but thats the big mystery isnt it yup yup
- maria u break my heart forever
- i dont even want to guess battlers sin i have no clue. denying magic??????? girl he wouldve been 12 if i count the timeline right so
- top 3 scenes uhhhh
- HONORARY MENTIONS jessicas test, battlers test, sakutaros birth, ange ordering the stakes to kill her bullies, ange talking to the captain, ange hanging out w maria and the stakes, the first six, battler and beatrice in the rose garden
- anges confrontation on rokkenjima: so nice and even though theyre keeping a lot from me still (i can tell) i feel like i understand parts of magic somewhat now... higurashi flashback for me from the supernaturally dodged bullets and the trampling of the papers and all well what can i say. This ep rly made me like the seven stakes also thats nice esp mammon
- the jailbreak: i like how it was blended w jessica and georges tests but im pointing out the jailbreak crew specifically bcs it was fun Kyrie and krauss work surprisingly well theres a nice air of mutual respect and like kanon n shannon themselves pointed out they never survive past first twilight so seeing them fight together isnt that so awesome i like kanon n shannon.
- anges death after breaking the rule: i dotn know man i love u ange icon of sacrifice and determination and love and will and more ur forever famous to me i feel like shell appear but even if she didnt for a long time i wouldnt forget her thats for sure shes very very ughhhh aah oh ange
- shoutout to beatrice i will understand you someday
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random romantic yoshikage kira headcanons
who asked? no one. im shoving this down all y’alls throat anyway bc kira is my favorite [this isn’t gonna be written in a literary form at all, btw. these are just drabbles]
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Kira is a man of routine, this applies to every aspect of his life
so when you start dating, expect a goodbye kiss every single day before work
kira gives very nice kisses too !!
he’s not a fan of anything longer than a 3 or 4 second smooch, he starts getting a bit anxious
though they’re short, his kisses are soft and warm and leave your heart feeling a bit more supple that it previously had
especially bc after ward he gives u a smile and says stuff like “I’ll see you tonight. Goodbye, dearest.”
bro its so cheesy but HES RLY SMOOTH AND HES SUCH A GENTLEMAN WHEN IT COMES TO THE LITTLE THINGS SHUFHEW
kira 100% orders food on one check (his) and holds open doors for you and pulls out your chair when you go to restaurants
he insists on it, too, so don’t think ur gonna be able to convince him he doesn’t have too
while kira is a fan of the greats, like queen and bowie, he also enjoys smooth jazz as well. (pop off king we see u)
he also learned how to slow dance in high school so uh,, saps come get y’all juice 😳 😳
other than him being a romantic, he’s rly protective on the lowkey
he isnt like ridiculous ofc but he is not afraid to step in and make some guy regret being born with just a few words.
has kira ever killed anyone for you? not directly!!!
in fact, he’s more content with his darling than hands ever made him so after you guys started going out he kind of just.,,, lost interest in the others
his dad was rly confused btw but he actually shed tears when he saw the two of u holding hands,,,. (shut up i hate kiras dad tho he doesnt matter)
on that note, kira is not a fan of pda (or so he says 👀)
if u give him a small kiss on the cheek while out shopping on the weekend or while getting lunch together on break, he’ll get all flushed and look away
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thats all i got for these i just wanted to get these off my chest bc kira 🏃♀️
#kira yoshikage x reader#yoshikage kira#headcanons#jjba headcanons#x reader headcanons#jjba diu#jojos bizarre adventure#diamond is unbreakable#fluff hcs#jjba fluff headcanons
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omg please talk about saionji and utena and i want to know ur thoughts
ack anon i am. kissing u on the mouth rn thank u so much for asking !!! a fair warning before i write anything else: i have a stupid and inexplicable amount of affection for saionji kyouichi and this response will probably be kinda biased toward being understanding of him. don't get me wrong he is still very much a bad person throughout a lot of the series BUT he's also 17. anyway this got long bc i have many thoughts so its under the cut
my big thought about the two of them is that they're foils for each other! both to illustrate utena's good qualities and to point out what went wrong with saionji.
the main place we see similarities between them is their feelings toward both anthy and touga. saionji and utena are the only duelists to duel FOR anthy as a person rather than the power she wields. they're also the only two people that touga ever expresses unguarded affection toward, the only people with him in the church scene, the only people who reject him (other than nanami, whose rejection is more complex imo), and the two targets of his manipulation in season one. wakaba refers to them both as her prince and they both express at least the potential to be friends with her, they're both dragged into some kind of relation with akio through someone they're close with (saionji only for a few short scenes but the camera one does make me a little queasy), they're the only duelists to lose a duel and then rechallenge the winner. they're also the only characters to be "expelled" (not quite textually in utena's case, but the girls at the end of the last episode speculate that she was expelled for "getting in trouble with the chairman"). finally there are some vague thoughts i have about saionji's rose being a very pale green, which is a complimentary color to pink (while his hair is a deeper green, mirroring touga's red hair).
in terms of their personalities being similar it's mostly just the fact that they're both jocks and they both do the baffled face a lot which i think is fun from them both :) same 'interacting with nanami ever' expression. the two BIG things they have in common personality wise is their tendency to insist that their view of the world (especially!! their view of what is good for anthy) is correct, and obliviousness (especially to their privilege and the way it acts on other people, especially anthy). utena grows out of both those things, though, and they're two of her main points of character development throughout the series.
obviously, the differences between them are quite a bit more obvious. saionji is mostly used (especially at the beginning of the series) to contrast utena and to provoke her into protecting anthy. he's abusive, controlling, and cocky where she is... just cocky, and only sometimes. saionji is less aware of 'adult things' than utena (in some ways he's more childish than nanami- the scene that comes to mind is the one with the exchange diary, where utena worries that saionji is making sexual advances and saionji obviously has no idea what she's thinking. tbh i hold that saionji didn't really know what sex was before his car scene which is both funny and v upsetting to me). saionji is unwilling or unable to change the parts of himself that harm other people (or unaware of the effects of his actions) whereas utena, throughout the series, constantly does her best to be a better person and i love her so. so much. not-prince of my heart. also he has green hair and she has pink hair :) also he sucks so bad
anyway now that i've established their similarities and differences, here's the heart of my argument!! at their core, utena and saionji are very similar people (the church flashback rly illustrates this imo but maybe thats just bc children r all similar) but, because saionji grew up with power that utena didn't, he's. uh. who he is. (his eyes are purple, a color associated with akio's control. akio.. uh. patriarchy man.)
saionji's role in the show isn't just as the personification of rape culture, but as a statement on what the patriarchy DOES to teenage boys who don't notice their privilege. he is quite obviously less aware of his power than touga or akio are (they both use sex as a power tool, and both take advantage of the fact that they, as men, have power in most situations. saionji also takes advantage of this but it seems much less conscious on his part- again the scene with the exchange diary comes to mind. he is looming over utena-as-anthy but not in an attempt to scare her, but just bc he's found that when he is big and tall, people do what he want). this is shown especially in what we see of saionji when he's staying with wakaba! he's a much better person when he doesn't have this institutional power as close to his fingertips, even when he's unaware of this lacking. he goes back to being a douche the second he leaves, to, which is where his personal problems come into play.
saying that saionji is how he is just because he was born into privilege is way more forgiving of him than the narrative is or i would be, because the other bit that contrasts him with utena is his unwillingness to see or acknowledge his privilege. the fact that he's unaware of the bits and pieces of society that come together to give him that power over anthy doesn't absolve him, because he still takes advantage of the fact that he can do whatever he wants to her and he never tries to understand why. he sees that if he's engaged to anthy she will love him unconditionally (what he's looking for throughout the series) but he never tries to connect the dots between the power he has over her and the fact that she says she loves him. a scene that i think is rly interesting is the one in touga's last few episodes where touga and utena are talking and saionji comes and lies down in anthy's lap- it's such a small thing but i think it does a really interesting job summarizing his character! he actively seeks out affection/the love he wants from anthy and, because of the power he wields, she gives it to him. he's content with this, because he refuses to see the power dynamics that make her let him nap with his head in her lap. he allows himself to keep the safe blanket of his privilege, even when it hurts everyone else. utena sees that she has power as the rose bride's fiance and she (eventually) works against the powers that be to change that.
anywayyy that was a lot lol and im not sure it makes a ton of sense??? but those r what i've been thinking about! really it boils down to like. saionji would be a much better person if he took a feminist theory class with a completely open mind. and then he and utena could be friends :) the other thing it boils down to is that both utena and saionji's best and worst characteristics are being stupid as fuck BUT utena tries to learn and saionji refuses to. thanks again for sending this ask!! i hope my response made some sense haha
#leo.ask#i was thinking saionji for like half my shift today bc i was bored so u asked at the perfect time lol :)#rgu
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𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader
changbin x reader | part three of dad!skz
↬ genre; fluff & angst for a lil bit woo
↬ warnings; talk of perinatal depression, cursing, n labor
↬ notes; changbin babi 🥺 ALSO ITS CHANGBIN DAY WOOO ITS MY BABYS BDAYYYYY SO I HAD TO POST THIS |
u two had just freshly started an official, public relationship
ofc changbin was freaking out while he was chilling in the bathtub behind the curtain so u could pee on the test already
u two were looking at the line coming in, praying that there would be only o n e 😳
slowly the other line comes in, dark blue n clear alongside the other one
“holy fuck—“
“what do we do?” you asked, your voice wavering while setting the test back down
his hands cupped your face, giving u a soft kiss n hugging you
“we got this, we’re having a baby, baby!” he started to joke and yall burst out laughing while crying in the bathroom
the first few months were amazing
ur lil bump sprouted out n u two were so happy about it
changbin is just so attentive and excited about this pregnancy and his first born
u really couldn’t have been better with ur lil family that was starting to become realer with each day
u two r such bullies yall r like
“what happened? ur a softie now binnie!!”
n he’d say shit like, “well at least i don’t pee every hour on the clock!!”
he makes u cry one time n u use that against him everytime u want something bc he feels guilty >:)
cute lil things like asking the baby what they want to eat or talking to it before the bed
(changbin reads the baby goodnight moon one time and ur just so in love like wow 🥺)
he secretly talks to the baby when you sleep every night because hes waiting for when ur little bean will reply back with a kick or a hand
he is W H I P P E D for u n ur baby bump
nursery is already done at five months
he needs all of the boys to come over though to help him figure out the instructions 😳 these are co nfusi ngg
they notice how smiley n giggly he is when he talks about u two and looking at the finished crib hes just so proud
yall r so happy and content with ur baby that was an accident, but u guys are so happy this happened
but something changes within u
changbin notices your lack of interest in the pregnancy during ur sixth month
ur sleeping pattern was off n u would sleep for hours during the day and night
u were very irritable, not wanting changbin to cuddle with u or kiss u like he did everytime he came back from practice :(
u were always unhappy and always so moody, he just wanted u to be happy 🥺
he is so confused and worried ab u, some days ur not eating or some days u don’t even wake up in the mornings like u used to
sometimes— just sometimes he’d come back home to find u in the same spot, asleep
he’s so fucking scared when ur around seven months that he can’t hold it in anymore
“are—are you okay?” he questions u from the doorway, making u stop to look at him in the mirror
ur eyes were cold, setting down the towel u were drying ur hair with and leaving him by himself while heading into ur bedroom
“don’t you dare fucking walk away from me.”
ur s h oo k
he was really nice during the pregnancy everyday, super bubbly and kind so u were shocked to hear his upset tone
“i can and i will, i’ll just go sleep in another fuckin room.” u mumbled, changbin grabbing ur hands and turning u around to face him
u struggle for a bit while ur arguing with him and telling him to let go so u could go to sleep
“stop! i am your boyfriend, i am the only one who is going to care for you like this. i am the only one who is dying, seeing you like this. do you understand? we’ve been through seven months of this together, it was fine for awhile and now you’re fucking turning me away?”
hes shouting at this point, hes just so pissed after three months of not having answers and your attitudes and arguments, he cannot handle it
u start crying
hes quick to hold you, pulling u down to the bed so u don’t have to stand on ur tired feet anymore
“i don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 🥺🥺🥺
he insists u two will find out n u both will get thru this rough patch together
perinatal depression, they diagnosed u
changbin is so upset when he hears the doctors tell u
everything is making sense to him and he’s just so heartbroken he didn’t put two and two together earlier
he takes time off for the time being to make sure ur taking care of urself
hes watching u like a hawk but trying not to make it evident
the first time u ask him for a kiss, he gives u dozens
he hadn't been asked for kisses in so long he was so relieved 🥺
he’s constantly telling u how beautiful u r and talking to ur bump about how they have the best genes and their uncles
this man is a father already it seems
he is ur #1 face mask partner cause he buys the cute ones only because u deserve the cute ones that r ur favorite ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜
cooking together is something that happens, not often but every once in awhile he will let u do small things
cut up some lettuce? sure! pour in the soup broth? of course u can! taste test his food? always.
he wants to make sure ur comfortable with him touching u or kissing u or what hes saying
“i love you.” he’s mumbling, quickly placing a kiss against the fabric of one of his own shirts that was worn by u and fit u like a dress still
he then goes up to ur cheek n presses a kiss to it, ur hand cupping his jaw and letting him kiss ur lips >.<
also u guys let out a quiet talk of pregnancy to the public, letting jyp release a notice on changbin’s absence from live-streams and posts with the boys
u two received a lot of positive feedback which changbin let u read the positive ones n loved when u smiled at each one
u were overdue by a week which was the worst, ur back hurt and u had migraines
u also were put on bed-rest for the next week before u could be inducted
u guys waited out the week and u got scheduled for an induction
the labor was really slow which sucked because u just wanted to hold ur baby already :(
rly intimate moments like chan just holding u n rocking u like a baby
u guys are given this position to move the baby down, your knees on the ground so u could kneel against the bed and changbin would hold ur hips n rock them
he just feels so bad he can’t do anything to help u with the pain 🥺
yall kinda vibing with the hospital food (idk bout yall but some food from hospitals smack chile)
“i just want to go home.” :(
u bet ur ass he scoots into ur hospital bed, holding ur hands n u just cry into his shoulder
he feels like his heart is being torn to pieces when he listens to u cry out of pain
his free hands holds your jaw, making u look up at him
“we’re almost done baby, okay? i know it hurts, if i could i would take your pain in a heartbeat. you are incredibly strong and i’m so proud of you. you just need to hang in here for a few more hours, yeah? you think you can do that?”
u give him the weakest smile ever but its better than nothing
u reach 10cm!!!
now the part that wasn’t fun was the pushing :/
u were hurting, u were tired, and u had been promised almost seven times that all u need was one more push but no matter what, it seemed like the baby wasnt budging
“the cord is wrapped around the neck, we need you to stop pushing. okay?”
ur too tired and stopping the pushing sounded good so u did as they said but when they told u they needed to actually reach in and unwrap it ur blood ran cold
u both were worried about how much u could take
u screamed, god it hurt and it felt like hours of them twisting but it was a mere minute
the labor progressed n there it was
“a girl!”
u two are like faucets or waterfalls
shes literally the perfect mixture of u both 🥺
he washed her hair n helped wrap her up in a blanket, giving her over to u for the first time
u both were just in love with her, she was absolutely perfect
he’s obsessed with her, taking in that baby scent, the scent of the light baby shampoo and the bit of baby powder that lingered throughout her onesie
her hair wooooww its so soft n fluffy
her little baby pout and her puffy cheeks
i can see him calling her bunny for awhile as a childhood nickname
he’ll just be like
“oh that’s my bunny!!”
weird look from u but ur heart melts while he bounces her in his arms n gives her some kissies and running his fingers thru her hair
he’s also rly soft, i don’t see him singing but i see him definitely whispering to her about how she’s gonna grow up and have the best life because thats his little girl
“ur gonna have eight uncles, they are crazy but it’s okay. u definitely lucked out on fathers though, i’m pretty good at lullaby's. u did get great genes too, u have a handsome daddy and a gorgeous mommy. we worked really hard on making u, please don’t hurt ur cute little face. u also have a storm coming, there’s a thing called stays, they are gonna adore you, i promise.”
omgomgomgomg jejejejeje im blushing at the thought of this i just adore dad changbin
u guys may or may not be planning for another but it definitely would happen in a few years
©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.
#stray kids#stray kids scenarios#stray kids imagines#stray kids x reader#changbin#seo changbin#changbin x reader#skz x reader#pregnant!reader#stray kids fluff#stray kids angst#stray kids au#skz fluff#skz angst#skz au#dad!skz#dad!stray kids#bangchan#minho#lee know#hyunjin#jisung#han#han jisung#felix#felix yongbok lee#seungmin#i.n#jeongin x reader#jeongin
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ϟ. → robert sheehan : genderfluid : he/they/she : dealer of illicit objects and substances : the raven by the alan parsons project ϟ did you see mundungus fletcher ? you know , 31 year old halfblood who was formally in ravenclaw. some say dung can be quite furtive but are known to be unreliable. they are aligned with the order . maybe that’s why they remind me of naming stray cats, flicking a lighter over and over again, falling asleep on the subway. ϟ
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ciannán o’donnell is a flighty man, one of many relationships and flings and little loyalty, and so his affair with maeve fletcher does not last long. when she tells him she is pregnant, he moves on to a different woman, and maeve has her son alone, with her sister on her side. and thus, mundungus is born (and giving an arguably atrocious name).
he grows up with his mum – a halfblooded witch and by far his favourite person in the world – in limerick, attending muggle school there. he knew who his dad was, but wasn’t quite sure how to feel about — his father is a criminal, a prominent member of the irish mob.
he meets his dad for the first time at age seven, and was nothing but impressed. his dad showered him with gifts, his mum watching with a furious look on her face but biting her tongue. that moment was a switch for mundungus; he felt the need to impress his dad. he stole some sweets from a store on his way home from school a week later, fished some pennies out of the pockets of his classmates a few months later. when he phoned his dad to tell him, his laugh was warm and filled with life. his relationship with his dad got better as his behaviour got worse. the thrill of stealing, of doing stuff he wasn’t supposed to, lit him not only on fire because it was exciting, but also because he knew his dad would adore it.
but ciannan, a flighty man, pushes and pulls. and so mundungus was fed disappointment by his father, liking love off a shiny knife rather than a spoon ( silver or plastic, what the fuck does it matter ). details omitted, long story made short: his dad sucks and his mother tries, but mundungus is pulled towards that what smells of danger.
DRUGS MENT. at hogwarts, dung is sorted into ravenclaw. not at all the booksmart type, he falls more into the chaotic-creativity, random-bursts-of-wanting-to-learn-everything-about-something type of ravenclaw. there’s two worlds, then: the muggle world, where he slowly dips his water further in criminal waters, and the wizarding one, where he’s chaotic and messy but a student. when he grows older, these overlap: dung starts selling some of his dad’s weed at hogwarts, and soon gains a reputation of being able to get people less-than-legal shit.
not getting high off your own supply is not a sentiment he agrees with. not then, not later, not now. dung is fun, always in for a party and willing to supply the goods to throw it. if some rich purebloods lose a few galleons at said party, well, it sure isn’t him! END OF TW
he graduates with two newts, in herbology and potions, failing his dada and charms exams. he’s not an academic.
falling into the family business after graduation is easy. mundungus is attracted by the criminal underworld, both that of muggle ireland and that of the wizarding world. knockturn alley was a place frequented in teenage years, but now becomes more his place. he makes connections, exchanges strange potion recipes for other things. makes an odd wager on a bunch of stolen brass scales and turns a profit.
a career is not something that interests him; he is more interested in bending rules and making quick money. thievery, selling illegal shit, heists, fraud, fuck-all. mundungus is not limited by one descriptor, one kind of criminality. he just does what he wants and hopes to make a good penny.
but then he almost gets sent to azkaban over some, in his frank opinion, bullshit. it’s dumbledore who talks the wizengamot out of it, saddling dung up with some community service and persuading him towards the order. he’s twenty three. the war is still fresh. he has no interest in it, but he owes the old man. fine.
mundungus does vehemently oppose blood purity and any kind of discriminatory ideals, an anarchist in his very bones, but he is also cowardly. to side with self-proclaimed rebels is not in his blood and yet it’s where he ends up, bringing shady ties to the underworld to the table and a sheer ability to sneak around and fuck the law. and maybe, amidst the ranks of the order, dung finds something he’s not very familiar with: a large family. and dung? well, he’s the stoner, gay, super-fucking-chaotic cousin.
personality
if jesper fahey and kaz brekker had a child, it would be dung.
other character parallels: fezco ( euphoria ), boris ( the goldfinch ), doug judy ( b99 ), jason mendoza ( the good place ), chris miles ( skins ), nick miller ( new girl ), creed bratton ( the office ), scott lang ( marvel ), lillian ( unbreakable kimmy schmidt )
technically he’s homeless. he’s got a bedroom at his ma’s place, has a ton of squatter connects in the muggle scene and couch surfes aplenty, but dung doesn’t rent a place. why? landlords are evil. he could afford a place, just doesn’t see the point. life’s better with some adventure.
appears very neutral in public as it’s beneficial to his role in the order???
.... tortured artist. writes poetry and loves to draw and paint.
tattooed the fuck up. some are his own designs.
can usually be spotted wearing The Coat, a rly expensive, vintage long coat that he once stole of a pureblood. he’s enlarged the pockets with some handy spellwork and pretty much carries everything he owes in there, like his produce and his money and his second pair of shoes and his art supplies and probably some random trash.
loves animals. he loves stray cats especially <3 they are his kin.
an anarchist. a bit of a punk. a deep idealist with a cowardly heart so constantly betraying himself (and sometimes others?)
queer! enby! genderfluid! i used he/him pronouns throughout this intro but dung truly doesn’t give a damn what u use. loves to dress up in feminine clothes.
has a ton of aliases, lol, the most important one being marigold fincher.
cusses too fuckin much to be healthy :/
oh no he is a big sad insecure kid deep inside :/ dont tell anyone how embarrassing!!!! shhhh!! it’s a secret.
quick connection ideas
victim. wow please. if your character is rich. let me steal from u. pick ur pockets. break into ur house. get some of ur stuff and drop it on the black market.
customer. dung sells. whatever u need. drugs. weird magical things. ask and ye shall receive. his prices are whack but he does deliver <3
pal. party friends! order friends! random encounter friends! dung has a trashmouth and loves to talk pls let him chat u up and u will never be rid of him <3
couch. he couch surfs. a lot. if ur character trusts dung enough to let him into their home (which they shouldnt) then pls let him sleep over for a night. he will leave a strangely expensive necklace on ur kitchen table as a thank u. or wilted flowers. no in between.
skeptic. ur char is in the order and thinks dung is a liability and maybe they have a point. a point mundungus would rather not face :)
dmle bitches. dung hates anyone authoritative but esp the coppers at the ministry (hit wix & aurors) (yea he calls them coppers sorry he doesnt respect them enough to call them aurors <3). give me that doug judy/jake peralta dynamic. or just someone in the dmle who is like ... sigh this guy again???
fwb/one night stand/fling/etc. he’s a bit slutty <333 give him some ppl he’s hooked up with / will hook up with.
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So as promised, a follow up to this monstrosity of a post, now talking about my top ten favorite characters.
So as I’ve said before, I tend to not have one favorite character but rather a herd of them that I love for a variety of reasons. So the following list and gushing is in no particular order, as I can’t really rank them bc I like them all for different reasons.
1. Noelle
To this day, Noelle remains the ONLY character I have ever yelled at a TV screen for because I was so hyped for her. During the Sea Temple Arc I was literally yelling at the TV for her to kick ass and take names, I love her so much. 🥺
Does she have issues? Yes! But that’s okay—she’s had an amazing character arc so far, and watching her go from insecure and hiding behind arrogance to actually having confidence in herself and her abilities has been so amazing. More than anything she feels real to me, and is one of the few characters where I have had the visceral urge to squish her cheeks and tell her she’s doing great honey, keep kicking ass. We stan Noelle in my house 😤
2. Luck
I love this kid, for both his antics and the fact that I can relate to how he’s basically repressed his negative emotions for so long that he struggles to express anything but cheerfulness, even when murderously angry. He goes from equating his worth to being able to fight and win (see his fight with Lotus) to valuing his found family with the Bulls so damn much. His breakdown during the Reincarnation Arc wrenches at my heart every time!! I love this chaotic destruction child.
3. Langris
He’s a gremlin trashbaby. He’s an awful entitled asshole who always got whatever he wanted when he wanted it, and was that one Gifted Kid who always had everything come easy. And...he gets knocked off that pedestal and starts to grow as a person, however reluctantly. He’s one of those characters where if I were to ever meet him in person I’d either hate him immediately or want to troll him relentlessly, but I still love him as a character because he’s interesting.
In a lot of ways, I relate to Langris. Younger sibling with so much pressure to be the best, from both yourself and your parents, and your older sibling—who’s supposed to be better than you, someone for you to look up to—just...isn’t to your parents’s standards. And that makes the pressure worse, until you’ve been swallowed whole by the pressure and expectations and you don’t know who you are without that.
It’s three parts the asshole grew on me like a fungus and one part projection, but I love him anyway.
4. William
I have a soft spot for William that’s born from a) the fact I’m a huge sucker for the mysterious masked guy who’s Soft for his people, and b) he’s a coy troll and I deeply appreciate it.
I acknowledge—he has his flaws. He’s a coward and indecisive, but he’s learning to grow past that. That’s a huge part of what makes his character interesting and compelling to me, because he’s always been fiercely loyal—his problem was being torn between two conflicting loyalties and being unable and/or unwilling to decide between them.
5. Leopold
Fuzzy determined lion son, who is determined to surpass his brother? And wholesomely competitive? We stan!! I want to hug this kid 🥺
6. Dorothy
She’s fun, bright, and determined. There’s also a lot of implied depth when you look at her comments to Reve in the Reincarnation Arc—aside from Reve, she literally says “we finally have someone to share our dreams with!” And that breaks my heart a little because that’s such a lonely thing to say.
Overall she’s just great and I love her, and I really want to see more of her and her magic.
7. Asta
He’s a cinnamon roll, what more can I say? I love him, even if I didn’t rly like him at first. He’s a loud cinnamon roll and I will protect this boy with my life 💕
8. Finral
Anxious self-sabotaging boy!!! He reminds me a lot of a lot of people I know, and of facets of my own personality. And he works so hard to grow, his role and growth is amazing and I love him. I just wish his womanizing weren’t portrayed the way it is—and that the fandom could also note that he’s also not a damn sexual harasser. He tries really hard to get a date while being respectful—and it really doesn’t feel in character for him to sexually harass people, so I don’t know where people got this image of him being one. He’s a flirt, but for the most part it’s harmless and he respects boundaries. 👀
9. Patry
Okay so this is a bit of a fine distinction to make: I love and appreciate him as a character, I think he’s an excellent villain, and I appreciate that so far he hasn’t been exonerated from his crimes and mistakes, because he shouldn’t be. He needs to atone, and that takes time—and he may never earn forgiveness. That’s fine and in fact that’s the point!!!
He’s an excellent villain: he’s charismatic, intense, and he feels real. He’s understandable, even when he’s going to such zealous extremes. And as a character, I love him.
And here’s where the line is, because he’s the only one on this list that I have this sort of opposing opinion about. I adore him as a villain, as a character, and how he’s dealt with. It’s on point, amazing. As a person? He’s fucking despicable and if I ever met him in person I’d want to break his damn jaw. And it’s not the same as how I feel about Langris—Patry is a despicable person, and even if he grows and works to atone, he still did those things. He still decided to go through with those actions, and he shouldn’t be forgiven for it. He’s intense and complicated and real, and that’s what makes him interesting.
He’s on this list because I feel so strongly about him—he’s one of my favorite and my most hated characters in the show.
10. Marx
I’m not going to lie, I love this man purely based on that fact that I first saw him yelling at Julius and went “ah, the overworked secretary trope” and then he met Asta and I went “OH. Kind soft man who is also overworked secretary and cares deeply? Sign me the hell up!!!” What more do I need to say? He’s great 😊
#black clover#anon ask#noelle silva#luck voltia#langris vaude#asta black clover#william vangeance#black clover patri#dorothy unsworth#marx francois#leopold vermillion#finral roulacase#just me and a bunch of cinnamon rolls and trash children#I will fight for all of these characters#....except Patry#Patry deserves to be punched in the face a few times#it’s complicated okay???
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snickers feverishly at myself for bringing in a 5th... who do i think i am? unstoppable? invincible? suddenly ripples my titanium plated pecs. maybe so. u can find her pinterest here n her playlist here.
* margaret qualley, cis female + she/her | you know bradley milligan, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to looking for knives by dyan like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole snow angels trampled through by your father’s footprints, casually reading a newspaper that’s catching flame & stubbing a cigarette against the wing mirror of a parked cop car thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 11th, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her )
HISTORY:
bradley has this memory of meeting her grandmother for the first time n everything in the room was frozen still. even the air. she didn’t feel like she cld move n she got the impression this is how it’d always been in the milligan lineage. the only thing that was allowed to act of it’s own accord was her grandmother’s eyes as she tracked every slightest flinch of muscle. when her father left the room her grandmother reached out and took bradley’s hand n bradley looked at this like it was smthn she’d never seen before until her grandmother leaned close and all she could stare at was a nicotine stain on one of her front teeth. “he’s cold, isn’t he? he’s always been cold. i don’t think he’s mine.” bradley could tell from how tight she held her hand that he was. she could tell by the way she smiled as she said it, too. the way she felt obliged to smile back.
growing up in a huge white house in aquila drive w pruned hedges sounds idyllic n looks it too. swanky cars w tinted windows in the long driveway. always men filing in and out under the cloak of night wearing expensive suits n smiles worthy of a politician’s billboard. bradley’s mum alyssa thought so too n that’s hw she got into this whole mess tbh. tony milligan is very good at advertising. he cld package a jarred human heart as strawberry jam and convince u to spread it on ur toast if he wanted to. he could make u smile politely as u ate ur own.
alyssa ws this very pretty blonde kind of mysterious presence in a room. everyone wanted to kno her story or fk her but noone rly treated her like a person more just like a puzzle to solve. john green syndrome alert..... literally manic pixie dream girled bt on turbo charge. there were vague whispers she’d run away from home when she appeared in town out of nowhere bt nothing concrete. tony decided he wanted to crack the case n once he set his mind to something there was no changing it. they wound up embroiled in a whirlwind romance. head over heels. he came at romance hard and fast as a freight train. alyssa knew he was into shady things but not quite the full extent of it n honestly she didn’t care bc she wanted security n a family to call her own n tony promised that. they were married within a year.
tony came frm money bt he wanted to carve his own path n make his own legacy. destined fr greatness he’d tell her. we’re destined for greatness. it sounds nice doesn’t it! alyssa thought so too.
(drugs mention tw) slowly over the yrs he essentially forged his own crime organisation tht only grew. he opened a strip club down the seedier side of irving called ‘no angels’ n this became the front thru which his gang ran drugs in the back (predominantly coke n they pride themselves fr having a Superior Blend apparently) as well as laundering cash n this also was kind of their home base to hang
(abuse tw) their marriage increasingly lost it’s shine n alyssa came to realise she’d been sold a lie n she didn’t rly know this person or what he was capable of right around the time bradley was born. by then it was kind of like Wow i am rly in this n there is not an exit door huh. i won’t go into details bt things were not good at all. bradley witnessed n experienced a lot of things she shouldn’t have growing up. she didn’t understand why other kids drew home in all these different coloured crayons like they were bright places to be. she didn’t understand why everyone got so excited when the bell rang at the end of the day bc she just felt sick. she rationalised tht this was normal when she was younger bc sometimes kids talked abt the monsters under their beds giving them nightmares n she thought mayb they were talking abt their dads too. as she got older she realised tht actually her world wasn’t the same as anyone else’s n she also realised no-one wld ever be able to tell her why. she started becoming friends with the angry feeling in her chest tht she used to try and swallow around this time. often she’d wander the mall for a while to put off going home. smoke on random park benches. watch trains rattle thru town from the vantage point of a random rooftop.
(abuse, missing person implied, murder implied & grief tw) when bradley was 12 she woke up and all of her mum’s clothes were gone frm their drawers. no shoes anywhere. a framed photo of them at the beach holding bradley as a baby vanished from over the mantelpiece. when bradley asked her dad what was going on, tony essentially said “it was exhausting her. being here. being your mother. she didn’t want to do it any more, so now she’s gone” n then he hugged her. little details leaked into the mix over the yrs. at one point tony dismissed her as having flown overseas to a foreign country to drink in the sun like she’d always wanted even tho alyssa always told bradley she liked the snow best (once she even walked outside as it fell in a thin lace nightgown when tony was out n when bradley said “mom you’re gonna get cold” she only tugged her down and made her do snow angels until her lips looked blue). the most significant memory bradley can never shake from her head is her mother cupping a yellow tulip at the park n saying she hated them. when bradley asked why she only turned and smiled at her as she stroked the hair from her face n then said “because they look so happy”. after bradley’s mum vanished a long flower bed at the bottom of the garden was suddenly overrun with dozens of freshly planted yellow tulips. whenever bradley looked at them out of her window she got this sickly feeling in the pit of her stomach like she was visiting a cemetery. she suspected what had happened to her mum (especially as rumours circulated within tony’s organisation abt alyssa being unfaithful with someone tht used to work fr him) bt she cld never bring herself to truly accept it. thus she ws stuck in this strange purgatory state of not-quite-anger at her mum for “leaving” and not-quite-grief.
bradley rly started to transgress in school after her mum was gone. alyssa was always kind of a character when she’d pick bradley up (wasn’t doing well n acted kind of ‘eccentric’ i suppose u cld say) so tony managed to spin it all as a child acting out in the wake of an unfit mother uprooting n abandoning. bradley became........ interesting. JKHGFSSKJGHFSGHSKFGHFG. she’d snap n resort to violence very easily. very desensitised to it. students were kind of scared of her tbh. as this progressed into proper high school she got in w the more rowdy popular crowd solely bc she was so fking.... wild for lack of a better word. rly would just do anything fr the thrill. had no sense of ‘i shouldn’t do this bc it’s dangerous’. partied harder than anyone. bit back harder than anyone. no filter. hung w a lot of guys honestly bc they had less morals n either found her scariness cool or wanted to fk <3
(hospitalisation, depression & drugs tw) she’s had. a few stints in psychiatric institutions fr various reasons tbh. missed a small chunk of her senior yr fr this but it wasn’t widely known just kind of rumoured. she showcases a lot of similar symptoms to her mum who struggled w severe depression (which was difficult to cope w when ur husband was often pouring ur prescription down the drain fr kicks) n in order to compensate fr the lows she takes a lot of things to kick them into highs. drinks n snorts too much. bradley i love u bt i’m begging u to seek healthier coping mechanisms......
as the yrs went on (especially once alyssa had gone) tony rly started trying to integrate bradley into the business side of things...... she literally. is named bradley bc he was expecting a boy n he was like well let’s still call her bradley. n had in mind she’d still fulfil the role he wanted her to of being his little protege so to speak.... both sexist n ugly all in one fell swoop...... an example of this is he literally. bought her a mint green switchblade for her 14th birthday n named it tinkerbell bc it would “die without attention” aka using it. tht sounds like a healthy gift to give a child tony congratulations sis <3
in an ideal world bradley wld have gone to uni to study psychology bc she jst wants to know how the fk her dad is literally like that bt she probably stuck around n is now managing no angels along with billy n marco (billy’s in her dad’s gang n is, u guessed it, a cunt, n marco is his sort of right hand man so to speak) bc tony’s in the closest neighbouring city overseeing a second ‘no angels’ opening up there to expand into a franchise n widen their income margins. bradley wld also be sort of used as a honey trap type deal once she got older if they needed to lure ppl places n sometimes still is bt it depends. the guys in the club all know not to mess w bradley bc she’s tony’s daughter n literally kind of scary herself sometimes bt there’s also this certain allure tht comes with being the boss’ daughter n it kind of comes across in how they act or talk abt her. yes i will kill them all n no i won’t feel bad abt it <3
think that’s kind of all u need to kno history wise... blinks one eye out of sync w the other..... runs to personality
PERSONALITY:
a phrase i wld always use to describe bradley in old intros is “like a cup of black coffee with one grain of sugar that u don’t taste until the last sip”. also dark chocolate. lime. liquorice. she’s an acquired taste n i feel like u either love her or u hate her.
cannot express how unpredictably chaotic she is..... frequently throws a drink in a stranger’s face jst to start something bc she’s bored. loves to hurl cheese slices across the room so they slap onto someone’s face out of nowhere. likes smashing things. stubbing cigarettes out on faces in framed family photographs. will literally pick a lock n then smash the window besides it to defeat the whole purpose just bc she found how neat it was boring. does anything fr the adrenaline n thrill. gets into far too many fights n fights dirty. probably been thrown out of every bar in town at least three times. banned from a bunch too.
she’s witty bt she has a dark sense of humour..... can be quite mean.......... loves to roast ppl for no reason........ honestly has some nathan young frm misfits aspects in that sense like jst seems untouchable emotionally n like she doesn’t take anything seriously n is fking outrageous about it.....
has this quality abt her tht kind of scares herself sometimes. it’s like she recognises parts of her dad in her. she’s very perceptive (bc she’s had to be over the yrs trying to read every micro-expression of her dad’s to predict what’s next) n like emotionally intelligent in a way which is ironic bc her own emotions r just an absolute minefield.... bt. she can read people quite well. gets this eerily calm look abt her sometimes n it’s jst like god what’s. she thinking. what’s she’s gna do. i’m shaking. a cool n controlled kind of rage can often be scarier than the explosive type n bradley does that well. grits my teeth n tugs on my collar....
very strong on the surface. hates being vulnerable. has this ingrained idea that crying is childish or rly any kind of emotional display within herself. 50% not taking things seriously 50% angry. tht’s how she comes across....... internally? whole different story. bt ppl don’t see that.
very cavalier abt some things. will flash her tits n not even think abt it. jst very out there...... one of her closest friends is a homeless man named joe who wears neon purple fishnets on his head n loves to spit on ppl from over an underpass. finds eccentric ppl like this funny n surrounds herself w them. loves to be kept on her toes.
LOVES driving stolen cars down the wrong side of the highway. it’s a lot.
fiercely loyal to a fault to a select few bt if u wrong her personally this can switch pretty quick. quite a force to b reckoned w n will hold a grudge. bt like. if ur a Chosen One she’d bury a body for u no questions asked.
WANTED CONNECTIONS
deals to u: bradley isn’t like full time into dealing bt she does do it sometimes.... treats it kind of like a hobby bc the lesser ranked can do tht shit as far as she’s concerned bt.. sometimes also jst gets bored n is like. why not. might be chaotic. mayb they’ll try to rob me <3 we love the thrill <3 or like..... if ur friends w her she’ll deal to u n no she will not do a friends discount <3 or if she does there will definitely be some sort of stipulation attached <3
high skl crew: if ur muse is local n ws an absolutely demonic hell spawn in high skl tht went to 1974547254 parties n was outrageously chaotic n rude then. bradley probably was friends w them <3 her friendships tend to be surface level bt they’d definitely go out a bunch bt whether they actually knew a lot abt her life is debatable bt we could explore options fr this
people who work at no angels: no angels is her dad’s strip club in irving that she kind of helps to run now. it’s kind of a shifty environment. the place where ud have an outrageous bachelor party. u go for the first time w a fake id n u get served bt u also get ur wallet stolen n ur convinced someone spat in ur drink n u also kind of think there might b a hit on u now after u made eye contact too long w a broad shouldered man smoking in a back booth. scary environment. testament to her dad as a person. maybe ur muse is a dancer there or works the bar or security or whatever u name it....
ma’am are u ok?: ur muse found bradley passed out across two bus seats one time in smudged dark eyeliner a silver slip dress n the world’s chunkiest combat boots this town hs ever seen. sometimes she winds up in spots like this when she goes too hard n it’s absolutely dangerous n reckless bt that’s jst bradley <3 mayb they forged an unlikely friendship frm this strange meeting or maybe even? dare i say it? a romance? opposite worlds colliding? good influence? let’s go crazy. release ur inhibitions. feel the rain on ur skin.
hook-ups: bradley’s cavalier abt this stuff..... very unemotional typically..... mayb we cld do an unrequited thing that wld be angsty n fun altho i won’t lie i don’t kno if she’d be the one to catch the feelings.... she rarely sleeps over bt once when she woke up in someone’s bed she hiked over to straddle them carefully as possible so they wldn’t wake up n then pressed her knife to their neck as a fun little surprise where she said boo when they opened their eyes.... she’s a lot clearly.
watermelon slugger, hiiii: bradley has this habit where she gets a bunch of watermelons n then goes to a rooftop n throws them over the edge to watch them explode when they hit the pavement.... maybe ur muse almost got hit by one once n were like WTF???????? another quirky meet cute moment like the bus one <3 can’t stop w them <3 maybe she randomly invited ur muse to do it w her when they were like. a stranger of f the street. she was bored. decided to adopt them as a science experiment. we cn elaborate on this probably....
ouch charlie: similar territory bt she also sometimes shoots pedestrians w a bb gun from rooftops. mayb ur muse wld always get hit by one on a certain route they walked n finally one day they saw her head ducking down behind a ledge n then they see her in the street one day n are like HEY IT’S YOU............. WTF? n bradley’s like ya i’m christ risen again it’s a lot to take in i know...
rly jst anything... mutually destructive friends... exes.... in one rp a character tried to get close to bradley so he cld write an expose all book about her n her family which i found so fking funny so i’ll request that again.... people she’s fought.... ppl whose gf/bf she’s fk’d n it’s caused enemy status.... someone whose place she broke into and shaved their eyebrows off in the night only to draw them on again in crudely thin permanent sharpie lines.... roommates cld be fun n sexy i’d love that actually.... jst anything rly. go wild. kisses everyone tenderly on cheeks.
#irvingintro#abuse tw#missing person tw#implied murder tw#grief tw#hospitalisation tw#depression tw#drugs tw#death tw#i think tht's all of them....... cor blimey......
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hmmm i’m not sure which fanfic questions you’ve answered so far but I’m tryna get an hc so... 19?
19. What’s your favorite character headcanon?
fellas, let’s talk about sin “target practice” djarin
we know that din rn is a very subdued snarky old man, but i can rly imagine that he was kind of a bastard in his younger years??
ya know when you’re a dick as a teenager and you look back and cringe
to quote from comment from ao3, din! was ! a! chad!
being one of the very few mandalorians out in the galaxy, he immediately had a reputation just by existing
he gets cocky and arrogant and stupid; it’s easy to get what you want when people are afraid of you
joining ran’s crew didn’t help either like cmon, they are literally a chaotic mess of bad decision making
they drink! they fuck! experiment with drugs and do some shady shit!
BASTARDS! THEY’RE BASTARDS!
and din,,,,he’s violent, deadly, drunk on this weird power trip that’s only enabled by the people around him; it’s debatable whether they even care for his wellbeing
the sad thing is, din is at heart, a soft soul. but he holds so much anger and grief. for being separated from his family, for the empire, for losing the people that love him, for the loneliness that comes with being behind a mask for so long
he’s angry at the universe and retaliates by being violent and detaching himself from caring about others
at some point, a line is crossed and the guilt that he’d been suppressing becomes too much (alzoc iii???)
i really think it’s the covert that grounds him , makes him humble and selfless
i have .. a thought... about the moment din realizes the sanctity of life and love and community
foundlings are obviously very very special, but a baby? born into the tribe?? it’s celebration worthy
the mother notices his fascination with her baby, and asks:
“do you want to hold her?”
precious din is walked through by the adults around him how to hold a baby because he’s never??? held one before??? “support the head, adi’ka”, “tuck your arm beneath her neck” , “she’s drooling on your sleeve”
his first thought is “babies are so?? soft?? and tiny??”
but as it coos and wriggles in his arms, he’s amazed at it all
how life is so fragile. how the covert came around to support one person, one mother. how they uplift each other without expecting payment. these people–his people are selfless and give to ensure not just the survival but the happiness of one another.
he makes a point to save a chunk of his earnings for the foundlings of the tribe.
#answered#tiffdawg#i went a lil overboard but whatever i have a lot of feelings 4 din#ive never done a hc before but ?? this was kinda fun?? just rambling#headcanon
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Shin and Joe for that character ask maybe?
i’m gonna answer these in 2 separate posts bc i have work to do tonight so i can’t get to both of them rn and also i end up making these rly long
Shin
Why I Like Him-
I like him for a lot of reasons!! Primarily, though, he’s one of the most sympathetic characters in the game, and I’ve always loved that (at least by the end of 2-2) his motivations are distinctly outlined. He’s such a wild card for most of the game that when we find out what makes him tick (and when we learn that his actions are borne from weakness and fear), it makes so much sense!! He’s a weak person who has been abused his entire life and the compassion and kindness he used to harbor were always used against him. It makes sense, then, that after suffering so much abuse at others’ hands that when told he has no chance of survival he automatically isolates himself from everyone else. Ironically enough, that trust that he chose to forsake could’ve been what got him out alive.
Why I Don’t-
There aren’t a lot of things I dislike about Shin, but one of the things that’s frustrated me is the countless times his paranoia of Sara has gotten the best of him and ruined what could’ve been a fantastic alliance or even friendship. Like I said, his paranoia is understandable, but GODDAMNIT SHIN JUST TRUST HER FOR ONCE!! I’m still frustrated by the scene where he assumes that Sara is trying to trick Kanna with the smartphone, though I’m glad it worked out well in the end.
Favorite Scene-
Definitely gotta be a scene from the 2nd Main Game, either the one where he agrees to to work with us to expose Gashu’s transgression (as sad as it turns out to be, it was wonderful seeing him so hopeful and eager to work with us) or his argument with Kanna where you realize how much he really cares for her. Greenblings has my heart.
Favorite Line:
I probably won’t have any actual quotes, so this is from my (pretty shitty) memory, but the line that I really enjoyed was the one right after he successfully hacks the system and you offer to high five him and he agrees, then goes back to being all sullen like “why are you so chipper miss sara” ,,,I found that scene really funny and even a little endearing.
OTP:
Keishin :)) love how much potential they’d have for mutual growth!!
Brotp:
GREENBLINGS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I don’t think I need to explain why I love them so much.
Headcanon:
I’ve said this before, but he is definitely a 4chan user. He just gives me that vibe.
Unpopular Opinion:
Stop comparing him to Kokichi!!! I’m, like,,,vehemently insistent on this, but the amount of times I’ve seen the two of them being compared to each other is infuriating considering how different they are in character and motivation. Also, I really wish people would stop portraying him as the “uwu gay boy” archetype, particularly in their portrayal of him in mlm ships. It’s just… stop that.
A Wish-
I’m not sure if this counts, but I really want to be sure that his presence is felt in the Kanna route! Whether this be for good, with Kanna deriving encouragement from his memory, or bad, with it turning out that he was key to our escape or something of the sort. I’m really happy with how his character concluded in this path, but he’s so central to the story that I want him to retain his importance.
An Oh-God-Please-Don’t-Ever-Happen-
Hmm… alright, I don’t think this is likely to happen, but I don’t want Nankidai to give him a determinant death before the end or cut off his character arc in the Shin route. If he’s alive, I want him to go absolutely insane and I want his ending to be memorable.
5 Words to Describe Him-
Comically weak, paranoid little man
Nicknames-
I internally think of him as “beanie bitch,” “loser man,” or “That Twink” bc I love bullying him lmao
#he’s definitely grown on me since the game began#i love that petty loser <3#yttd#kimi ga shine#your turn to die#shin tsukimi#depressobean’s asks#depressobean answers#anon
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Alchemy Lullaby (11/?)
Of all the changes that came with living in the castle, becoming a father was not one he anticipated.
When Eugene encounters a small child suffering like he did, he gives them the opportunity to grow up the way he never did… helping them both heal.
(AU where Varian is 4 and gets adopted by Eugene)
Varian comes down with a cold; the ramifications of learning the truth.
Read the rest on AO3
Starting making this, had a breakdown, bon apetit.
No deadass that's what happened @space--butterflies and @finnoky gave me a rly good idea, I rewrote the whole chapter, had a mental breakdown, went to therapy, cranked this out. So. sorry for being late rip.
Uhhh it's 2 am I'm too tired to do my usual spiel remember to vote tomorrow if u can, comment, kudos, blood sacrifice, thank u i would die for u all
So apparently staying up all night with your negative thoughts in order to win your father’s love was a bad idea.
The rest of the day was silent and somber. Rapunzel and Eugene kept sharing looks that Varian couldn’t comprehend. Cassandra paled whenever she looked at him. But they never spoke a word of what had occurred, and it was driving Varian crazy. He didn’t get any of the victory glory, no, instead he got bitterness and despair. At least momma would have been proud of him; she’d always wanted him to control his powers.
Around bedtime he got cranky. It started with not wanting to eat dinner. Usually Eugene would let Varian throw a tantrum; he refused to bow to Varian’s wishes and let him have his way. But not then. Eugene was terrified of a tantrum, what the destruction could entail. So when Varian refused to eat, he didn’t question it, and simply carted Varian off to an early bedtime.
But when he and his girlfriend came to get Varian in the morning, exhausted from a night of conversing and debating and crying, they found Varian not much better off.
The boy’s face was coated in sweat, radiating an uncomfortable heat. He whimpered, not even complaining when Eugene lifted him up out of bed. Instead he buried his face into the crook of Eugene’s neck, hot tears dripping down onto it. While morning cuddles were usual, this crying was definitely not.
It was so concerning that they had booked it down to the infirmary half out of their minds with worry.
“You said he woke up like this?” The doctor asked, brushing a gloved hand across Varian’s temple.
“Yes, he won’t talk to me, is he ok? I mean, obviously not, but-”
Eugene’s panicking was cut off by an abrupt sneeze, then another. Varian moaned, shifting away from the doctor’s hand.
“Loud,” Varian mumbled. “Hurts.”
They all quieted. “Sounds like a bug, or the flu,” Rapunzel hummed.
The doctor nodded. “He just needs rest and fluids. Has he ever been sick before?”
“Not while with us, no.”
“Alright. Take his temperature every hour until the fever breaks, and if it gets above 103 bring him back.” With a ruffle to Varian’s hair, the doctor wandered off, likely to see another patient.
“I’ll take him back to his room,” Eugene muttered. “You’re probably busy today, right?”
“Not too busy for him!” The princess whispered back. She frowned, reaching a hand over and brushing it against Varian’s cheek. Poor thing. “He’s miserable, he’ll need some love and snuggles.”
“Did you not hear the doctor? He needs rest.”
“How can he rest when he’s in pain!?”
The conversation became more biting the more both of them spoke. Even without them running on minimal sleep, taking care of a sick child would not be ideal. And it seemed they had wildly different ideas on how to help.
It didn’t help they’d been up all night thinking about the… other problem.
“Look,” Rapunzel finally sighed. “We all need sleep. You can take the first shift, I’ll come get you in a few hours. Ok?” Her eyes, while misty from frustration, tried to shine with their usual kindness. Eugene felt like he’d been punched in the gut with a guilt fist, but also, he remembered why he loved this woman so much.
Eugene smiled sadly. “Alright, get some rest. Love you.” She gave him a peck on the cheek, and with that, she left.
For a moment he was lost in thought, but Eugene frowned as Varian began to squirm. Tears of pain still streaked down chubby cheeks, at least until Eugene began to bounce him in his arms. He kept one hand on Varian’s head and pulled it to his chest, the other kept supporting his son. Varian, despite being past infancy, still retained a love for being cradled and rocked. Likely because he never really got it before. It did the trick, and he was back to an uneasy calm in minutes.
He kept up the bouncing, letting Varian rest while they walked back to Varian’s room. He only stopped his soothing motions to deposit Varian back in bed, and then switched to stroking his son’s soft hair.
“Daddy don’t go,” Varian whispered. “‘M sorry.”
Eugene blinked. There it was again, calling him dad. So far Varian only did it when especially upset or tired, but it warmed his heart every time. The situation wasn’t great, but still the fuzzies remained.
“What are you sorry for, bud?” Eugene hummed. “Not your fault you got sick. It just happens.”
“For the rocks.” A hazy, clouded blue peeked open to stare into the man’s soul. Through the pain Eugene could see fear, despair, and anguish; and it wasn’t because of the illness.
“Those…” He sighed. True, they caused problems, and it was a miracle Rapunzel didn’t touch them and cause an explosion, but it could wait until Varian was healthy again. “It’s… ok. Why didn’t you tell me about it?”
Varian shrugged. “Cuz momma….” his voice trailed off. He didn’t even know where to begin. If he told Eugene everything, about the experiments and running and pain, would Eugene do the same?
No, no. Eugene and momma were not the same. Eugene loved him. Eugene cared for him! He would never.
Thankfully, Eugene picked up on it. “Get some rest, ok? We’ll deal with it when you’re feeling better.”
Varian unconsciously grabbed his stuffed toy, bringing the ear up to suck on. “No,” he mumbled through felt. “Not tired.”
His dad suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. “What are you then?”
“A frog.”
He let out a bark of laughter at that. “A frog, eh? Like Pascal? Well this little frog,” he poked Varian’s nose which earned a breathless giggle. “Needs some rest.”
“Story?” Big blue eyes gazed up at him, pleading.
Yea, he should’ve seen it coming. Now that he was thinking about it, Eugene prayed Varian had never gotten sick while on his own. Or with his mom. It’s unrealistic, of course Varian has been sick before, but what if his mom had done the same as him? What if she refused to comfort him, refused to snuggle and wipe his snot?
So despite every fibre of his being wanting to avoid getting infected, this was a losing battle. He grabbed the Flynn Rider book off its nightstand. They’d been blazing through each book; in the few months since Varian joined them they were now on book 6.
“You’re just one crazy event after another, aren’t you?” Eugene hummed. He got a wet cough as a reply. Gross.
He’s totally gonna get sick isn’t he?
-
Despite her words, Rapunzel couldn’t sleep.
Every time she shut her eyes, visions of obsidian danced behind her eyelids, willing her hair upright. She couldn’t get them out of her head, and it really was no surprise why. It’s not everyday that your boyfriend’s son reveals that he can control the rocks that gave you back your 70 feet of hair!
Back when it first grew back, she and Cassandra had scoured the library for any information they could, before finally getting some help from Xavier the blacksmith. He’s a good man, and he knew a lot about legends, but legends aren’t facts. Now, she wonders if the rocks were leading her to him, to Varian, and it was by sheer coincidence Eugene found him first. But she’d never say that out loud. Varian was destined to be Eugene’s son, even if he wasn’t born it. Maybe it was a sign that he was her son too.
Three delicate knocks ring on the King’s Office’s door. “Dad, can I come in?”
At his affirmation, she opened the door. Frederick, regal as ever, stood on one end of the table, with Quirin at another. Oh, she’d been meaning to speak to her dad in private, but it’s not a big deal! Right…?
Well, maybe it was. Despite her and Eugene and Cassandra all vowing to keep Varian’s ability a secret for now, lest magic-fearing Frederick find out, the point remained that she needed to speak to him about it. While Varian had taken up most of everyone’s time and energy, the rocks never vanished from her list of problems. No, they still lingered around Corona, causing problems left and right. And something told Rapunzel that Varian’s outburst from before didn’t help matters.
“I was wondering about… the black rocks?” She started, and both men froze. A silent conversation occurred, shared in frantic, locked eyes. Quirin fidgeted helplessly, unsure of what the king wanted him to say. His eyes glanced down at the map where black flags pinpointed the locations of each rock spotted. While most were clustered in Old Corona, to the east, there were a few dotting the island capital. Rapunzel’s heart sank the longer she stared.
Francis’ tailor shop.
The schoolhouse.
The tunnel system.
The alley where it all started.
Varian.
She struggled to keep from screaming.
“I’ve been aware of these rocks for… quite some time now.” Frederick rested both hands on the diorama that encompassed much of the office. “They posed a real problem, displacing people from their homes, damaging roads…”
“Oh no,” she breathed. How much of it was intentional? How much of it was an accident?
“But fortunately!” Frederick perked up, giving her an encouraging smile. “We’ve taken care of them! In fact, I’m sending Quirin to Old Corona tomorrow to make sure our efforts have succeeded.”
“You are?” Quirin asked, confused. He got an elbow in the stomach. “I-I mean, yes, your highness, I’ll be headed out first thing tomorrow.”
She furrowed her brow, uncertain. Old Corona… so that was where Varian lived before the alley, before them. “Great, then I hope you don’t mind if I join you? I haven’t been out that way in a while, I’m sure the people would appreciate a visit.”
Frederick scowled, but before he could protest, Quirin hastily agreed. “O-of course, your highness, I would be honored for you to… accompany me.” He raised his eyebrows in a concerned smile, desperately trying to convey a silent question. Did Rapunzel know what he had seen? Is she trying to protect the child? Please oh please don’t force him to hurt a child to appease her father.
But alas, she didn’t seem to get the message. “Great, now if you excuse me, Varian isn’t feeling very well and Eugene needs a break.” She marched out of the room. The moment the door closed both men sagged in relief.
“Sir,” Quirin managed. “You and I both know the rocks haven’t been dealt with-”
“Don’t let her see or learn a thing.”
The knight fell silent. “Yes sir,” he whispered, but for once, he didn’t mean it.
-
Varian fell asleep relatively quickly, and thankfully it seemed more or less steady. So much so that Eugene was able to swap with Rapunzel without issue.
“I spoke to my dad, I’m headed to Old Corona tomorrow,” she whispered. Her eyes were exhausted but full of fire.
“How come?”
“It’s where she lives.”
Instantly, Eugene’s face fell. Right. The source of the fighting last night.
Eugene had been adamant. He’d met Varian’s momma once before, and that was enough. She hated her kid, she abandoned her kid and didn’t complain once when Eugene whisked him away. But Rapunzel had insisted in truth above all else. If anyone knew what was going on, it’d be her. He knew deep down it was a losing argument, but the point remained that he promised to clock her next time she showed her face.
“I’ll stay with him then. Hopefully this is just a 24 hour bug, I can’t do another day of this.” She smiled. It wasn’t the caring for a child wearing him down, that much was clear.
“Go take a nap, I’ll hang with him,” she whispered. The words flowed over him like charmspeak, and next thing he knew, it was late afternoon and he was waking up in his own bed.
He went to fetch some supplies. Nothing too much, just some pain medicine, towels, and cold water to soak them in. He’d probably also have to run a bath at some point, which Varian would despise. Much like Ruddiger, the child was happiest when covered in dirt and mud and soot.
It’s no wonder Varian adores the creature so much, he thinks with a chuckle.
In fact, Eugene is so lost in his thoughts he doesn’t notice someone coming his way until he nearly spills the bowl onto the Captain.
“Oh, shoot! Sorry Cap,” He winces, praying the man doesn’t try to kill him. He’s yelled over less.
“Fitzherbert,” the man sighed. He looked peeved, but said nothing of it. “I was wondering why you didn’t turn up to training today.”
Shit! He totally forgot to tell anyone that Varian was sick! Ears reddening, Eugene stuttered. “I-uh-yea, about that…”
The Captain raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. His face was impassive, but his eyes said it all. He’d better have a good explanation, or his ass was toast.
“Varianissickpleasedon’tkillme.” he braced himself for the smack.
“I get it.” And with that, all the air flew out of Eugene’s lungs.
“Oh thank god, I was afraid you’d kill me.”
“Fair enough.”
Eugene shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. He and the Captain never really spoke about personal matters, it was strictly a business truce. But it appeared that was about to change. The older man put a hand on Eugene’s shoulder.
“Fitzherbert, I believe Cassandra told you about her own adoption story?”
“How you took her in, yea.”
“I was just like you, back then.” The man’s eyes are stern but kind. Eugene had seen it directed at others, but never him.
“I hovered, and I worried about every little thing. They become the center of your world so fast, and you want to savor every moment. The first night with Cassandra, I never left her side, I just… sat there, and marveled at how something so small could be so important to me so quickly.” He gave the new father a weary smile.
Eugene glanced down at the water, rapidly warming. Cogs turned in his brain as he thought of a proper response.
Captain sighed. “Look, you said he’s sick?” Eugene nodded. “Then I’ll let it slide. Hope he gets well soon, for both of your sakes.”
That caused Eugene’s head to snap up. “What? I’m fine.”
“You’re missing your sass, Fitzherbert. Your color, your spice. You live for that kid, I can tell.” He let the man go, and walked off with a wave. “Hope he gets well soon. Oh, and bring him to training some time, eh?”
Eugene raised his hand in farewell, dumbfounded. The Captain had never been that… nice to him. Ever.
He didn’t ruminate on it for too long. He heard a faint cry from the end of the hall, where his son was.
The door creaked open, revealing a sad sight. Varian tossed and turned in the bed, whimpering and hiccuping tiny sobs. His fists grasped light blue sheets, the same color as eyes which were currently closed. Rapunzel looked to him helplessly.
“Hey hey, bluebird,” Eugene cooed, sliding into the bed and pulling his darling boy into his arms. “Shh, you’re ok, you’re safe. Are you awake?”
Varian whimpered, and Eugene couldn’t tell if it was an affirmation or coincidence. The boy was a furnace, he could only imagine the pain and discomfort. Being sick was never fun, especially at that age.
A more violent cry escaped small lips as Varian squirmed.
“Varian?”
“Momma, it hurts…”
Eugene’s heart plummeted into his stomach. He felt like he was going to vomit, and he wasn’t the sick one. Rapunzel stifled a gasp. Haunting memories of another mother resurfaced.
“H...hey, Varian,” her voice shook to high heavens. “Varian, it’s time to wake up.”
“Don’t wanna… no more.”
Oh lord, no more what? What did this woman do to her son? Their son? Eugene buried his nose into Varian’s sweaty hair and Rapunzel wrapped her arms around them both, a familiar position for the family. His mind raced at light speed, trying not to let too many possibilities flood his mind. He was scaring himself, but he dreaded the real answer more.
Varian’s leg kicked out in his sleep, and a tear rolled down his cheek.
“Oh, bud,” Eugene sighed, biting his lip. Usually it was Rapunzel who took charge of lullabies, but…
“Look to the stars... my darling baby boy...” Almost like magic, Varian began to settle. His foot, which had been raised mid kick, landed softly on Rapunzel’s chest, the fuzzy socks pressing against his shirt.
The blonde smiled and joined in. “Life is strange and vast, filled with wonder and joy…” As the furrow on Varian’s brow smoothed, Neither of them could help the overwhelming love that filled their souls. All directed at the boy in their arms. Even if he was a handful, and possibly, apparently, dangerous.
Eugene laid Varian back down into bed, brushing unruly hair back. He repositioned so Rapunzel was resting against his chest as they sang in unison.
“Face each new sun with eyes clear and true
Unafraid of the unknown
Because I’ll face it all with you.”
Varian smiled in his sleep.
#varian#tts varian#tangled the series#tts#tangled#eugene fitzherbert#tangled eugene#tts eugene#team awesome
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🐓
Hi! I want to have comprehensive list of the BL manga/manhwa etc. that I’ve read because I want to spread the love for this genre 💜. This post is a list of works that I’ve read which is not in this page yet + my comments on each work. I hope some people will find something that they like here ^__^
🐣 All BL recs from me
manhwa 🐓
💜 Never Understand
Yuri, one of the school's most handsome guys,and Jaerim, one of the school's ugliest, collide!...or don't they? Can't understand what's going on between these two! It's Out of Control!
shounen-ai, completed, 87 chapters
THE STORY IS SOOOO GOOD. The art also improved by a lot upon reaching the later chapters. Jae-rim is dubbed as “ugly” (he’s a whole cutie tho) and I’m glad to see a non conventional character design for an MC! I highly recommend reading this!! 👌💯
Incorrigible
A sequel to “Never Understand” which is focused on Cho Ayeon’s story after being free from Soyeon’s control.
yaoi, completed, 8 chapters
This has few chapters so maybe that explains the fast pacing. Nonetheless, it was a nice read, I have a really soft spot for Jae-rim so seeing his r-18 experiences with Yuri really got me ahkdjashdkajshd ;W;
💜 Dirty Vibrations
Best friends Yeong and Nohae thought it was a joke when they downloaded the infamous “cursed” app. It’s said to command the user to perform…sexual acts and punishes those who disobey or delete it. It started with making them kiss. When they disobeyed its order…the punishment was anything but a joke.
yaoi, ongoing
This one is from Fujoking (author of Youjin)! In all honesty, I love this for its sex scenes. They are so well made, the art, the dialogue, the expressions, and just *chef’s kiss* 👌. When it comes to expressing sexual scenes in BL, my top authors would have to be Fujoking for manhwa and Zaria for manga.
💜 Paid
Executive director Heejae is nicknamed "Chaebol Prince" by the public. But his life is turned upside down when documents linking him to an embezzlement scheme are unexpectedly found by an accounting collegian Taekyung! So he pretends to have a crush on him, but.. Taekyung wants more than just flirting!
yaoi, ongoing
This is another one from Fujoking! This has a heavier plot as compared to Dirty Vibrations, so you get amazing smut AND an engaging story!
💜 On or Off
Yiyoung is building a startup with his college friends. They get a chance to present their proposal to SJ Corporation, one of the leading companies in the country. But in the meeting room he sees Kang Daehyung, the extremely handsome company big shot that's so very much his type, and Yiyoung's heart starts to race...! Can pretty-faced Yiyoung win both in love and his career?
yaoi, ongoing
Okay this! It’s really funny and the pacing is nice and the characters are nice and the art is nice and the perfect mix of romance comedy and slice of life i just HUHDADKAJDHJK it’s rly a feel good read and both MCs are SO ATTRACTIVE.
Penthouse XXX
Siyeon, a contract killer, has declared a boycott on men after being screwed over by his ex. That is, until he moves into a penthouse owned by Taekyung, a rich heir with killer looks.
yaoi, completed, 49 chapters
It has meme worthy illustrations xD. The graphics are nice but I found Taekyung (one of the MCs) to be a little toxic. Also, some parts of the story were not wrapped up/discussed enough imo. But overall, it was a pleasant read.
Home Sweet Home
The last thing Jungyeon expected was for his mom to ask if she could remarry. The new man was kind, considerate, a perfect match for his mother but there’s a catch: he has a younger son. Sunwoo is an introvert. He’s shy and has trouble opening up to others, until he meets Jungyeon and finds himself opening up for the first time. As their parents get closer to marrying, they become close, too close, and that’s when Sunwoo learns Jungyeon is already seeing another man.
yaoi, completed, 57 chapters
I honestly don’t know why this has quite a low rating on mangago because I found it to be a good read! It’s like sitting through a romance-drama movie. I liked the ending and the relationship between the main couple.
K’s Secret
Employee Kim Doyoon has been working for 5 years. He has one secret that he can't tell anyone else - the fact that he's a half-vampire born between a human and a vampire.
yaoi, ongoing
The art is so good in the recent chapters ugh. Also the sex scenes are well made. The plot is a little unclear though, and I feel like the relationship of the two MCs are kinda forced and unnatural hahaskdhakjdh. Still reading it tho since it’s ongoing.
💜 I have a Boyfriend
Kang Hyeon Ho, who belongs in the university soccer team goes into a breadth class and encounters the person he went to middle school together with and was his first love, Han Gyeol.
yaoi, completed, 44 chapters
THIS IS BASICALLY COLLEGE AU ROM COM ADDITIONAL TAG: FIRST LOVE AND IT’S AMAZING. Just a really well rounded story with the right amount of drama to bring out its slice of life 😭💘 Also, this is tagged as yaoi but the sex scenes were few and not that explicit.
💜 Voice of Love
After experiencing a traumatic incident involving a previous lover, Jiho is too afraid to tell his classmate Soohan that he likes him. Thankfully, Soohan can hear otherpeople's thoughts and asks him out first. But, as we all know, love isn't always that easy. Will Jiho and Soohan really get their happily ever after?
shounen-ai, completed, 37 chapters
Just a really cute story about mind reading and high school boys being in love. Ah, youth. This will make you feel good like ,,, awww young love :( <3
Base to Base
The elite Sung Moon High is fields one the country's top 5 high school baseball teams. Kim Soohyun was the ace pitcher of his middle school now started his first year at Moon high baseball team...since his beloved sunbae Choi Woojin(captain/catcher) is there....Kim Soohyun is an cutie puppy with stalker tendency exclusive for his beloved sunbae.
shounen-ai, completed, 28 chapters
Sports manga/anime always had a little (or lots) of gay, well this one made it officially gay! A cute rom-com bUT I feel like the ending was rushed. I would have loved it if there was more, but nonetheless, a good read! :)
manga 🐓
💜 I Seriously Can’t Believe You
"I don't think you've realized your true nature yet." That's what Kon tells Iida, the hottest guy at school, wondering how anyone could be so proper. As popular as he is, Iida doesn't seem interested in any of the girls who come after him. Kon and his buddies try to look into the matter by flipping a coin and having Kon approach him with his confession of love, just to see if he's really interested in guys. "I've... never looked at guys like that..." says Iida, falling for Kon's ruse. Kon takes him home, hoping to straighten out the misunderstanding, when Iida suddenly grabs him by the shoulder, and... A story about a mysterious hottie at school and a prince of a certain kind.
yaoi, completed, 5 chapters
THIS IS FUNNY AND CUTE AND HOT AND SHORT BUT REALLY GOOD JUST READ IT YOU WONT REGRET IT!
💜 Yoru to Asa no Uta
(Chapter 0) ; (Sequel)
Asaichi can't play any instruments, his voice is average, and he's only in the band for the girls and the sex. Plus, he's homophobic. For some reason, the new bassist is infatuated with him despite the treatment Asaichi gives him.
yaoi, completed, 1 + 8 + 8 = 16 chapters
It’s by Harada (author of ‘Yatamomo’ and ‘Color Recipe’) so expect dark themes. Trigger warning for rape. I suggest you skip the rape if you can’t handle it because this manga is so good. Its art and story (much like Harada’s other works) will really suck you in. This left a deep impression on me because the characters felt so alive. I respect Harada so much for that ability.
💜 Eigyou Nika!
Sakisaka, stationed in the second Sales Division, has an unrequited love for Toujou, his directing senpai. He had no intention of confessing his feelings. However, Toujou has been awfully touchy-feely lately… Is there a glimmer of hope? Please don’t let it be a misunderstanding! Which path will these vexing feelings flow down to?
yaoi, completed, 10 chapters
I had fun reading this because it’s so fluffy!! aaaAAAA I love friends to lovers and cuddling and the sweetness that comes from a relationship that is a more than friendship but less than lovers. A lighthearted read <3
💜 Mou Ichido, Nando Demo
On his way home from picking up a rings for himself and his lover, Fuji Takahiro is hit by a car. His resulting amnesia degrades his live-in lover Kotou Tarou to a mere flatmate, and a series of misunderstandings threatens to tear the couple apart. Tossed around by desperation and confusion, can Tarou and Takahiro rebuild their once blissful relationship?
yaoi, completed, 11 chapters
This is like watching a really good mature drama. The characters feel real and the situations presented in the manga were also something one can easily imagine themselves being put into. A short and good read.
💜Ookami-kun wa Kowakunai
The world is filled with animals that can evolve into beastmen. There is a young and earnest wolf who was always mistaken for a showy person because of his flashy looks. The easily mistaken wolf has fallen for an attractive looking rabbit named Usami, who is cautious of carnivores.
yaoi, completed, 6 chapters
I mEAN,,, LOOK AT THEM!!! This is wholesome and very fluffy huhuhuhu no more words needed. A short and cute read! <3
💜Ookami He No Yomeiri
Kaede is a rabbit person chosen to be the 'bride' of a distinguished wolf family. Although he does not wish to marry a wolf, his family pleads for him to go so that they can have enough supplies to last for the next two years. However, how will his new husband act towards a little bunny rabbit stuck in the wolf's den?
yaoi, completed, 8 chapters
The art is good and the story is cute :((( They’re so cute aaaa I’m a sucker for grumpy looking x ray of sunshine it’s just uGH the contrast never gets old.
💜 Encirclement Love
Ryou had a sleepover and saw his friends - Issei and Tadahiro - kissing while they thought he was asleep. He asks them about it and feels betrayed as a childhood friend when they pretend nothing happened. Determined to catch them red-handed, Ryou ends up inside a closet with Issei's little brother - Yuusei -, who has a unexpected reaction to the situation.
yaoi, completed, 6 chapters
It’s basically four high school boys being horny. All four of them are friends and I find their dynamics really funny. Also, they’re all hOT 🥵 I had lots of fun reading this!
Mother’s Spirit
University employee Ryouichirou is ordered by the Chairman to take in an exchange student. That exchange student, Qaltaqa, is a native from a developing country who can't understand Japanese!! Though he is a warrior of his tribe and a man of great beauty, seeing him afraid of the phone and the TV, and even the toilet, Ryouichirou gets fed up… But while being called "Ryouichirou" in such a clumsy manner, he has a change of heart!?
yaoi, completed, 13 chapters
This is funny and interesting! A short read to boost your mood and get your yaoi fix ;D
Dakaretai Otoko Ichii Ni Odosarete Imasu
Saijou Takato's 5 year reign as the "Most Huggable No. 1" has been snatched. Stealing his thunder is the newbie actor with a 3-year debut, Azumaya! Towards the stuffy hostile Takato, Azumaya's sincere sparkling smile starts to become effective. Even as Takato sets his alert level on MAX, Azumaya catches Takato in his shameful drunken state and uses it to blackmail him! In exchange for Azumaya's silence, Azumaya states, "Please let me hold you"'?! "Embrace me, who was the Most Huggable No.1? What the heck is he saying!"
yaoi, ongoing
I remember dropping this because MC was obviously raped, but upon watching the first episode of the anime adaptation, they made the sex consensual (thank God) and the story is not so bad after all. I suggest skipping the first chapter altogether and just start off at episode 1 in the anime, then you can pick it up in the manga to see the explicit scenes xD
That’s it for now! Will continue updating in this tumblr acc. as I continue on reading more BL ehe. Hmu on my twt if u wanna talk about BL and/or anime and manga in general hehe. Love lots~ 💜🐓
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howdy hey , pardnerrrs :> i’m rox ( she / her ) ‘n i’ll be playing yr residential sullen broodin’ boy , nico . i didn’t have the time to write out a whole new intro , given that i have back to back classes again today :-’( , so please forgive me for recycling his old intro akawodkgrsd ; . that being said , i did tweak around some tingz and i updated his wcs for him , so if yr down to clown around just hmu on my discord : 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔫𝔦𝔞#2854 ! okie okie , i’ll shut da eff up now ♡
BASICS.
༉‧₊˚✧ kim taehyung , cis man , he / him / his — did you see that nicholas “nico” yoon was trending last night ? the twenty three year old street artist has been getting a lot of press lately . i think it’s due to them being so + quixotic & + free-spirited , but i always thought they seemed - withdrawn & - sybaritic . their fans always say they remind them of soft smoke rings spun in a dreamy haze , silver-ringed fingers rapping against polished oak , and waning light refracting against broken glass though . i wonder if they’ve found out about REDACTED yet … i guess we’ll have to wait and see . [ rox , 22 , pst , she / her , none ]
PINTEREST & PLAYLIST .
01 and 02 .
PERSONALITY .
at first glance , nico reads as this aloof , arrogant type that doesn’t like to associate w the common public . always keeping the majority of people at a comfortable distance , nico moves almost exclusively within his own social network , and doesn’t like to deviate from what he knows best .
not so much pretentious as he is lazy , making an effort to socialize with complete strangers is simply something that nico would never do . hehe ... he’s kind of shy like that .... ♡ though he’d literally never admit it ♡
despite giving the impression that he’s some intimidating and chronically indifferent kind of guy , nico is genuinely a sweet boy — one who’s in a constant state of confusion as to why people seem to be so scared of him . it always comes as a shock when close friends of his admit that they thought he absolutely hated their guts when they first met him .
b/c tho he’s p smart , nico is very oblivious at times , and he’s 100% the kind of guy who’ll walk away from a conversation thinking he did a rly rly good job trying to make a friend ... when in reality he prob said four words in the span of thirty minutes smh .
overall , nico’s a private person , especially with what he’s thinking ... and it’s really hard to get a clear read on what’s on his mind . sharing his feelings has never been one of nico’s interests b/c he just genuinely doesn’t think whatever he has to say is rly worth mentioning . so he usually just shuts da fuck up n lets other ppl talk so he can mentally gain the strength to continue socializing .
push nico’s buttons enough tho ‘n you’ll catch this mf speaking in full sentences .
lastly , it should b noted that nico is a romantic through n through ... this mf probably d*ed in the victorian era ‘n got reincarnated b/c he’s got that ‘ lets share furtive glances across the room but never say a thing to each other ‘ thing on lock . mr. darcy headass
and while nico might play the role of long-suffering , ever pining lover to a T , he’s more in love w / the idea of love than he is w / any single person . and he literally cannot hold down a relationship w/o fucking it up for himself in some shape or form .
kind of sarcastic ... v much the teasing type ....
can b very impulsive at times , loves to go on solo adventures at night , prefers his own company tbh ...
overview : melancholic , reticent , noncommittal , humble , mild-mannered , romantic .
a mix of : josh from clueless and j.d. from heathers
more here .
MORE AESTHETICS.
the chill of silver jewelry against flushed skin , forgotten graffiti on porcelain sinks , flickering motel lights , kisses sticky with vodka , eyes ringed with lavender , sleepless nights surrendered to the dull buzz of television , obscure art house films , sun-kissed cheeks , the surprise of summer rain , chest aching with lost loves , scattered baby’s breath and rosemary , and a shared smile between perfect strangers .
CHARACTER DISSERTATION.
nico was born on a brisk wintry morning in the fashion district of los angeles ( january 21st , 1997 ) to a family of six .
as the second youngest child , and the only male son to boot , nico grew up with his only inheritance being a generational kind of hunger , one that demanded for more than what his struggling parents could offer
the arts stole nico at an early age ... ushering him into a world of creation and freedom beyond the four bleak walls he daily occupied . from spending lonely summers tucked away in some forgotten corner in the library to practicing on a borrowed violin from dawn to dusk , nico knew that even with nothing at his disposal , there was always something to be made w/ the tools he’d been given
despite not having the money for private tutors to hone their son’s growing artistic talents , his parents did whatever they could to support his dreams , whether that meant working double shifts back to back or scrounging for loose change underneath the sofa cushions to pay for whatever materials nico needed .
it was in this strange way that nico grew up p spoiled . somehow having nothing while also having absolutely everything at the same time .
very much a family man , the first big purchase nico made once he broke out in hollywood was a house in beverly hills for his parents . now that he’s finally at a place where he can take care of his family , nico makes sure that his parents and sisters want for nothing
while he showers everyone else with generous gifts and obscene amounts of money , nico doesn’t particularly feel comfortable doing the same for himself . he’s a simple man through n through . one who’s content to spend his time walking his dog late at night , listening to a podcast on his airpods , instead of going out to a club w/ other well-known socialites .
a true artist at heart , nico refuses to conform to the current trends of hollywood , instead insisting on wearing thrifted clothes to important galas — much to the frustration of his PR team and the chagrin of his stylists . but none of the choices nico makes seems to surprise anyone anymore . driving flashy cars and wearing designer clothes has never really been his style , after all . and it’s important to him that he remain authentically himself despite everything .
WANTED CONNECTS.
pr relationship ( open ) : someone that nico is contractually obligated to date ... i could totally see there being drama ‘n tension from having to pretend to actually like each other ... would b better if they rly did not like each other at all ...
fwb ( open ) : buddies who bump uglies sometimes ... they both agreed they’d never catch feelings for each other but we’ll see ...
frenemies ( open ) : someone that grinds nico’s gears but they’re a friend of his friend ... so they’re forced to keep it civil . i can see them exchanging hateful comments in the back of their friend’s car while simultaneously posting pics of each other on ig to keep up the rouse .
unrequited crush ( open ) : likely nico would not realize if yr muse had a crush on them ... but it’d be fun to play it out like a kdrama anyway heh heh
a close friend group ( open / any ) : i thought it’d b so cute if there was like a small group of friends , maybe 3-4 ppl , that do stupid shit like ditch going to celebrity after-parties to break into abandoned buildings , get real high , ask stupid ‘ would u rather ‘ questions , and do sum main character type shit ... yk what im puttin down ... ‘n nico is def the type to open up in the presence of extroverts so i think having a group of wild outsiders of diff bgs would b v inch resting ..
enemies / rivals ( open / any ) : tbh nico prob rubs ppl the wrong way since he has resting bitch face ‘n never wants to talk to anyone .. so im sure there r ppl who just do not like this mf ... and rest assured that the feeling is mutual ...
bad / good influence ( open / any ) : nico’s known to mount his high horse often ... mr morality over here ... so i just know he prob would butt heads w/ the residential troublemaker . tho nico’s artwork can be controversial and out of the box at times , his art style and his personality are at constant odds , and it’d b interesting to have that bad influence / good influence dynamic w/ someone .
family friend ( open ) : someone who grew up w/ nico in dtla ... couldve gone to the same public school as him ... or their families couldve gone to the same church ...
ok my intro post has become a fucking behemoth so im going to stop here ‘n just say i have so many more wcs in mind so if u wanna plot lets just talk hehe :>
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「herman tommeraas & cis male」⇾ mercer, ducky, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 21 years old. he is studying business, living in gorham and can be tenderhearted, nimble, compliant & taciturn. when i see him i am reminded of fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown . ⇽「james & 21 & est & they/them.」
hi :D this is the last of my OG characters ... the next two will b sexy n new bt they wont arrive fr a while bc i <3 need 2 hv a steady pace <3 anyways hes. rly sad so. good luck charlie <3 okay bye :D
TW CHILD ABUSE / DOMESTIC ABUSE / ABUSE, VIOLENCE, INJURY, TRAUMA, MENTAL ILLNESS, DRUGS / DRUG ABUSE / ADDICTION , GANGS.
aesthetic.
bruises; from beneath your eyes to the edge of your jaw, aligned against your stomach and the sides of your waist and the groves of your knuckles. bleeding noses and bleeding gums, spat out teeth, tattoos scarred from improper treatment, a facial scar; jagged and old, now, from above your eye to beneath your lip. worn hoodies and scuffed sneakers, sunglasses inside. the night sky, and it’s many stars, and how brightly they shone during the 2019 blackout, and wanting to be up there, with them. knowing constellations by heart. wishing to be the face on the moon. beer bottles and secret exchanges. dark alleys. fear, through the very core of your heart. fear, hidden behind a stoic stare.
basic info.
full name: donovan mercer
nickname(s): ducky but i’m 95% sure he hates the nickname it’s just. Stuck with him.
b.o.d. - march 15th, pisces :)
label(s): the allegiant, the despondent, the grifter, the malleable, the vacant, etc.
height: 5′11″
hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york
sexuality: bisexual bt make it closeted.
pinterest
stats
inspired by: lip gallagher (shameless), freddie mcclair (skins), frankenstein’s monster (frankenstein), fez (euphoria) … that’s it i don’t know any other characters KJNSGLDNVLSDJNFDS
biography.
born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)
his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.
you can correctly assume that they grew up in a heavily abusive environment, and can imagine the sort of things the two have gone through. ducky was, maybe, the least favorite of their father’s -
- for numerous reasons, and one being that ducky’d always been a sensitive kid. kinder than his brother, and far kinder than his father - kindness is weakness, and ducky was filled with it. too much so, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice. should’ve - but didn’t. and never did, either.
he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed.
he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.
but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be.
to the point where he stopped trying, simply. his grades fluctuated frequently, and it’s a surprise that he hadn’t dropped out of high school altogether.
anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.
the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.
all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.
it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip, the entire left side of his face a bloody mess afterwards. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly. corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.
he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.
still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.
graduated high school and had been on-and-off attending community college since then. he’d miss days at a time, flunk an entire semester’s worth of classes - gpa dropped further and further. wanted to try, but life got in the way. always got in the way.
hadn’t intended on transferring to radcliffe, but their father’d been missing for a few months then, leaving ducky to handle the drugs side of their business in hell’s kitchen - and mercy’d disappeared, too, leaving their branch in lovell completely open. in a split decision - an opportunity, and opening - something he couldn’t miss, or he’d maybe never get the opportunity again, ducky bullshitted a scholarship essay (plagiarism, tsk) and transferred to pick up where mercy’d left.
this wasn’t very well thought out, because that meant there were no mercers in new york - and lars amaretto? not a very understanding man. more of a brute than their father was, by far. to keep a story short - ducky is missing a tooth (molar, luckily, this time) and is … more rough’d up than he’d like to be, for sure. but mercy’s back, now, and he’s still at lovell, at radcliffe.
and that’s enough.
UPDATE: heehaw. mercy is gone & ducky’s still here. feeling a bit lost - dealt with a lot of shit this summer, new wounds and old wounds and just. a lot. started an underground fight club on campus for some extra cash, reasons unknown. being blackmailed by someone named rocky - someone who knows ducky is skimming cash. god. i don’t know ... danger danger danger danger. nightmare-ville. wrapped up in more walls than ever.
personality.
he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.
and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.
he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.
it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.
you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.
violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.
they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be harder - and his hits will be, too. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.
he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures, occasionally, or physics - or anything that isn’t business, because he hates his major, but he knows it’s the only chance he’s got to stay at radcliffe. and that’s to follow his brother, to follow his father. a business degree treats you well, teaches you skills you’ll need to know for this type of work.
commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs, only to leave it in the gorham community fridge with no name, something for somebody who may need it. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.
because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing, the result of years of abuse. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy. his room is messy, but still oddly barren. nothing on the walls except for a poster or two, sheets a standard navy blue and a row of empty liquor bottles on his windowsill.
a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing. sex is uncomfortable for him, he always feels gross afterwards. wrong, sometimes.
he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!
has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it. it’s his first semester at radcliffe.
pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.
in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.
uuuhhh. god. okay so ducky’s got an addiction to xanax. it’s numbing and it’s better than feeling, and he’d rather this than that and it’s. a Thing. we won’t go further into it. besides that - he does smoke weed, does try out some of their products to make sure it’s not … fucked, for their clients, but otherwise fucking hates drugs. social drinker, but still doesn’t like it a lot. hates beer but drinks it often.
overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.
purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.
wanted connections.
clients… first n foremost. he needs people to deal to. i don’t think he handles the Hard Shit like mercy does, but like coke and mdma? works for him.
f…riend..s?… like it’s so hard for ducky to be sincere with people but if you don’t mind like … an emotionally distant man who doesn’t even hit 6′ then maybe? he’s your guy? maybe you can break him down a little? chip away at his cold shoulder?
a close…r friend… maybe not like. the best of friends. but at least one normal friend whose world does not revolve around fucking drugs and violence would be nice for ducky. someone he can be a little soft with, as a treat.
hook-ups… not many, because ducky doesn’t really enjoy sex too much but y’know. that’s just how it is. he do be having needs, tho. KDSJGSHDKLFSE god.
fisticuffs!… someone he got into a fistfight with. multiple people he’s gotten into fights with. he’s probably lost them (on purpose) but - mayhaps, some of them, he did not?
gorham roommate… god… i don’t know what these two cld get up to but! maybe give him a sexuality panic but who knows.
unrequited feelings… there’s probably a few of these. whether people are drawn to his fucking ~mysterious~ demeanor (he just has fucking anxiety, man) or mayhaps. mayhaps he has the feelings.
flirtations… he’s never been in a relationship so i can’t really include exes, but he can flirt with people i’d like to think … when he’s drunk. :-)
ghostees… everybody he’s ever fucking ghosted because he’s stupid and is afraid of both friendship and relationships and romance and platonic? feelings of warmth? so sometimes he panics and ghosts people forever. :) spite!
new yorkians… who are familiar with his family or the business they have there
enemies… god. i’m sure he has a lot of these even without attempting to make them. just like, by association, you know? sometimes ducky hates people because mercy does. sometimes he hates people because mercy likes them. JKSDGDSJGFSNLKF
i won’t lie i’m very tired and am having a Troubled Time coming up with connections please. bare with me.
annoyances… i don’t know if ducky can get annoyed very easily but? thorns in his side? something lighthearted? alternately, something Not lighthearted and then ducky :/ goes rogue JKDNGDSNLFK
idk something soft… literally anything soft. please :) give me something soft and cute :) and peaceful and not stressful :)
something ANGSTY and AWFUL… literally. i don’t know. duality of man.
ok i have been awake fr too long i’m going to bed goodnight.
#ruhqintro#child abuse tw#domestic violence tw#abuse tw#violence tw#injury tw#drugs tw#trauma tw#addiction tw#drug abuse tw#gangs tw
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lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙🎨
「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」
he pinterest:
me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!
ta-da it’s aesthetics:
lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects
about tha Bitch:
born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot
jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born
they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do
spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out
they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face
despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family
they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran
(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor
(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all
bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill
he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........
he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot
ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music....
ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight.......
(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)
this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘
EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....
PLOTS!!!!!
plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................
mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed
someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company
jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie
perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever
currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything
HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all
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