I am now thinking about Essek as, essentially, Anna Ripley for the Ruby Vanguard, and it's genuinely horrific to imagine but it's not a real timeline so it's hilarious. It is so funny in concept. He's a glorified postdoc with no mandatory ethics trainings, no future, and nothing to lose. Also he just got handed the power of a thousand suns with absolutely no oversight and a mandate to "do your worst".

This has such extreme "horse loose in a hospital" energy. No one knows what Essek will do next, least of all Essek! He's never been in control of the power of a thousand suns before! He's as confused as you are!

(this is tagged for it as well, but putting it here: the below involves some non-graphic mention/discussion of suicide in relation to episode 3x78)

I think it's important to keep in mind, regarding the most recent episode, that while Ashton's behavior was extremely dangerous and reckless, it was not suicidal in intent. Ashton thought it would work. They thought that they would fix things, and they ignored all the smart people warning them against it because it would imply a lot of negative things about their parents. That doesn't mean it wasn't an action taken out of a certain lack of self-regard (Ashton's realization of this is what drives much of his conversations in the first half of the episode); but it's much more akin to an accidental overdose, or a drunk/reckless driving, or other dangerous choices. It feels very true to the idea of punk that Taliesin is going for, in which dying young is always very much a possibility, even perhaps an expectation; but not necessarily a goal. Ashton did not expect taking the shard to result in their death, and is incredibly shaken specifically because it did.

With that in mind I think the party's reactions seem very real and very understandable. The fact is, when someone does something very risky and nearly dies (or even is briefly clinically dead, using real-world terms) but ultimately survives it's extremely normal for one of the emotional responses to be anger that they put themselves in such danger. It is not, perhaps, rational, but most emotions aren't. It hurts a lot when someone one is close to does something that harmful to themselves. I don't judge the other members of Bells Hells for expressing those feelings. Frankly, them not expressing similar feelings in the past might very well be why Ashton made the decisions he did: the party lacking trust and walking on eggshells around each other is why he didn't confide in them, and why they fell apart so completely here.

I think it's relevant that Chetney tells Fearne, after stating he likes Ashton, that either she or Ashton can talk to him if they "want out", and he pretty heavily implies that this indicates not just leaving Bells Hells, but suicide, and that he has considered the latter in the past. It's clear that initially Chetney considers that a possible reason for Ashton's actions. He then gives Ashton the "You should leave" speech only after everyone present has been talking at dinner, after Ashton has indicated that he will help find Laudna. It only comes out after Ashton's emotional state is made more clear to him: it's pretty bad, but not actively at risk of self-harm (and indeed, desperately trying to avoid it and to change).

Finally, it's worth considering how important anger is to Ashton. Obviously I don't think having Imogen, FCG, and Chetney yell at them feels good. I also think it's going to feel better than apathy, and more honest than any other option. I don't think a forced gentleness would be better; in fact it might be worse, with them taking a break because clearly Ashton is having a hard time and needs to recover (shades of how Marisha mentioned Laudna feeling like a burden following her resurrection), rather than "we are clearly all in disarray and all have been not dealing with a lot of emotions, and this could have been any of us, and we should all regroup." I mentioned before that ultimately what's important is, angry as they are, Bells Hells undeniably stayed, and FCG and Imogen at least made it clear early on that they would, even if they were angry. Ashton was abandoned in the past by people who weren't even angry, is the thing. I don't think they cared enough to be.

Listening to the V7 director commentary for the first time and I almost dropped my jaw when I heard Luna call the racist drunkards the "faces of Mantle" like??

You want these two assholes to represent all of Mantle yet expect the audience to give a shit when it's threatened? Fuck em and fuck Mantle!

Found a new thing that bothers me about a hole in the world this time which is that they try and do this thing where Fred's insisting she can fight back against her infection and find a solution and she's determined not to be the "damsel in distress" (her words not mine). Which hypothetically I think is actually kind of an interesting character beat like the idea of a character who is so determined to fight and be a survivor and beat this thing bc they've always been able to pull themself through shit before but ends up succumbing to what essentially amounts to a terminal illness they have no way to fight is compelling and emotionally charged. But it just ends up ringing sooooo hollow bc Fred was pretty much always the damsel in distress anyway she never got to be active and solve problems and be a hero in her own right outside of occasional moments like the jasmine arc and other than that she mostly got reduced to a plot device for other people's character arcs.

Like I know I'm being a little hater about it all but I do think there is actually a version of this episode that works as a genuine and compelling tragedy but it would require the show to a) write Fred a lot better before this point and b) imo to develop fred and wesley's relationship outside of them being part of several annoying love triangles and wes being sad bc he thinks fred doesn't like him back. And idk. it's a shame that we couldn't get that

I was thinking about merthur and shadowpeach, and my brainrots gave me thoughts about shadowpeach in merthur's positions. My first thought was macaque as merlin cause of the devotion to their king, and extreme loyalty. but Emrys is the absolute most powerful person in the universe, kind of like wukong.

But if wukong was in merlin position, no way he wouldnt blow his secret in a week and/or overthow urther (and either place himself as king or macaque)

see, here’s the thing: shadowpeach and merthur are on 2 opposite sides of the devotion spectrum despite both leading to each pairing’s destruction and doom

merthur is devotion in silence and secrets and devotion in sacrifice. both of those idiots have a habit of doing selfless and self-sacrificial acts out of devotion and loyalty. but it was choked by prophecies and generations of harm

shadowpeach is devotion in self-destruction and shared secrets and silent paths made together. they fought together without any needing to hide. their care was open and understood by others. but it was ruined by the hubris of one who wished to conquer the stars just to ensure his loved were protected. the devotion soured into a resentment of their past joys because they didn’t know how to stop themselves from reaching more than they should have

I wrote about this on discord a bit back but I think a big part of the whole doctor-master complication is that it's the type of argument and the master is the kind of person where they'd rather die than do something that might make it seem like conceding they're wrong, regardless what they actually think, and that's why "where I stand is where I fall. Stand with me" that almost works on Missy: She has made her move here, she killed him- made so he's dead when the other shoe drops- and he knows and acknowledges that and can offer her a way of coming near him and being on the same side without it being her side losing, saving face that she can join him in this. And the speech very much highlights how to the doctor it's never been about winning, always about harm to people and help to people, but I don't think the master is as affected by that as by the 'if you want to hold my hand now I can make it so it doesn't make you seem the fool for your past actions'.

revisiting some sonic battle cutscenes trying to find a certain line and i forgot just how much of an active mental health crisis shadow is going through during this game

wait coming back just to add that i was thinking abt the generational element of the af.tons just being a fucked up family line and i'm. fine. i swear i'm f

*Sigh* I can't stop imagining what would have been if Ouma was a bit less paranoid and had a team of his own, with Amami and Iruma. Man they would have been unstoppable xD

Amami has such a great potential plus his personality would be great with dealing with Ouma's and Iruma's antics xD And Iruma and Ouma have their own weird self-entertaining relationship xD

This means either Akamatsu didn't 'kill' anyone, or did but someone else. Also this means Amami can help preventing Iruma into making some... bad decisions!

oh god okay i understand that maybe not everyone is as indecisive/comfortable with saying "it depends!" as me, but like, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, but i just can't take people who call izzy a villain seriously

FUCK IRA WHAT ABOUT VAX

im. killing and biting

I don’t often make these kind of analyzation posts often and I might be wrong but something about Dream considering changing only for the nukes to drop hit me. I don’t know if I’m doing this right but just the fact that his death along with everyone else to due to his action, due to everything that happened. He never had the chance to change because he already made that decision a long time ago and now in some horrible way that involves everyone else suffering he’s suffered the consequence of it. I know that the finale is very flawed but it’s honestly good in that kind of angle. The fact that Tommy will not agree with him and still thinking that he’s a piece of shit understood why he did this and figure out his entire motive that is not underneath layers of it’s fun or greater good. He was just scared child who is upset that the world is complicated and that everything that he knew was changing and rather than change in small ways alongside it or try to accept change. He tried to force change in big ways, mess with innocent people’s lives and justify saying that soon they will live forever and it will be a better place. And the moment that he heard Tommy finally analyzing and slowly deconstructing his motives. The moment that dream seem to have begin to understand and actively let out his emotions. It was all gone. He have multiple chances and multiple warning signs yet he didn’t change. And now it’s too late because the server got nuked. It’s a symphony of a tragedy yet one that happens because of his actions and fatal flaws.  Dream finally realize that he doesn’t have to do what are he did. And he paid the price for not realizing it before.

Really did not think I had super strong takes on Star Wars anymore but I do feel so strongly that the inquisitors makes the general world building Worse. Part of why the empire was so effective in (almost) completely wiping out the jedi in only 20 years wasnt just that they killed them all, it’s that they killed the idea that using the force was even strictly possible. In the OT the word “sith” is never even used- people barely understand the nature of the force, let alone enough to distinguish between a jedi and a sith. By the time of ANH, the idea of being a force user, any kind, should feel desperately lonely, a product of a bygone era. It makes Palpatine, as one of the only people still alive that understands the force, that much more powerful. The idea that he would go out of his way to train a bunch of people in the darkside really undermines that in my opinion.

ok but real important character development question: can they catch the spiders or are they getting someone else to remove them?