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sweetpascal · 3 months

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" never would have thought "

summary: having been friends for a few years, you never would have thought you'd lower your standards to fill that void in your life. no matter how many times könig has tried to prove your worth, you're too blinded.

warnings: !! ANGST !! (grab the tissues), könig tries his best, heartbreak, toxic situationships, rejection, no happy ending

wc: 2.2k

notes: i remembered about all of my horrible situationships and it somehow included könig in the thoughts ?? also, könig is NOT gonna act how you think he's gonna act. trust me. !! THIS WILL HURT !!

.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・

for the third time this week, you got blown off. it was confusing to say the least. you were doing everything right; not making too many jokes, being quiet when it's necessary, wearing clothes you wouldn't normally wear to keep him attracted. but it all is continuously one note. you keep giving, but have never received once. you knew how stupid you were being. you saw the red flags clear as day. the only thing that scared you if you ended whatever it was between you two is that you wouldn't find another person to fill in that lonely gap. you reread the texts back and forth, eyes swollen from the tears you've wept.

him: can't do it 2nite. reschedule ?

you: oh.. yep ! that's fine with me ! maybe tomorrow ?

him: idk y/n, i told you we'll see. i'll talk to you later 👍🏼

a fucking thumbs up emoji. you were better than a thumbs up emoji, but you didn't care. you threw your phone down and sobbed harder in your pillow. you two weren't even exclusive. it was mainly talking, the occasional hang out and hookup, and that's it. a hand rubbing your back made you cry harder.

"i'm so fucking stupid!" you wailed and pounded your fist into the mattress. you lift your head up to face your best friend who has been by your side through literally everything. könig. the quiet giant who chose you as his friend.

"don't say that, bohne," he tuts. "he's just.. immature and navigating his way through life by taking advantage of women like you."

"women like me? y-you mean gullible, stupid, lonely, sensitive, insecure women?" you sniffled and sat up in your bed. "god, it's just.. why can't i find the one person that makes me feel good about myself. like romantically and sexually and emotionally."

könig pulls his hand away and repositions himself against your headboard. it pained him that you thought of yourself as those horrid, negative words. he never saw that in you, ever. he sighs deeply through his nose and gives you a small shrug. "what i think.. and i'm saying this as your friend.. but what i think, bohne, is that you never learned how to enjoy life alone."

you squint at him. "what.. what do you mean?"

he shrugs again and plays with the ring on his middle finger. you have a matching one that you wear on your thumb. "you're so scared of being alone that you'll take whatever you can get and that's not a good mindset. you know. i know it."

what he says rings true, but it didn't feel good hearing them, especially from him. it was embarrassing having him see the texts and hear your cries. könig has met your situationship twice in a social gathering. the first time, he immediately told you of his dislike for the guy. the second time, he didn't bother to look, let alone speak to him. and if a guy friend says another guy isn't good for you, that's your cue to cut ties and believe your friend. but you didn't want to do that. there was something so invigorating about him that you couldn't pull away from.

it's been about a week since könig has witnessed your unnecessary heartache. and ever since then, you've been texting him updates between you and your situationship. you called könig one night and he hears your breathless giggles and slurring words. you had been so excited to tell him about your date. it was at a bar. you bought your own drinks. you bought your own food. and the guy invited his own friends. and for some reason, you didn't see a problem with that as long as you were within his proximity. it hurt your friend, very deeply. he knows in his heart that you didn't deserve this treatment, especially from someone you're not even dating. your priorities should've been on better things and not someone who only calls you for a quickie and a half assed hangout.

there was a knock on his front door. könig stopped doing pull-ups in his bedroom door and planted his feet onto the ground. he combed a hand through his sweaty, messy hair and fixed his backwards hat. when he opened the door, he was immediately taken aback and in awe of your appearance. you were wearing a pretty sundress - one of his favorite's actually. the color accentuated your skin tone and brought out the color of your eyes too. speaking of your eyes, they were puffy and rimmed red. when you let out a weak whimper, könig said nothing else and instead gently grabbed your wrist, pulled you inside, and gave you a bear hug as he shut the door with his foot and leaned against it.

you sobbed and wailed and gripped his shirt so tightly in your hands that he was sure you were going to cut through the fabric with your nails.

"he.. he has a girl-girlfriend now," you sobbed and shook your head, the hammering of your heart not stopping and the butterflies in the pit of your stomach never going away. "he p-posted her! on.. on his in-instagram!"

with shaking hands, you showed könig his account. and there he was, arm wrapped around a tanned blonde girl wearing a hockey jersey and jean booty shorts. the caption was simply a kissy face emoji. könig tuts and continues to hold you in his thick arms, his eyes clenching shut as you kept crying in his chest. his heart cracked every single time a whimper spilled from your lips. this needed to stop, now.

"y/n," he whispered when your crying turned into painful hiccuping and sniffles. "you.. you need to stop doing this to yourself. and doing this to me, bohne." since the situationship finally cut ties with you, he guessed now was the time to clear the air.

your brows furrowed as you stared up at him. "what do you mean? doing.. doing what to you?"

könig felt bitter. bitter at the fact that you never saw him as a person and only a form of comfort. he lets out a small scoff and drops his arms to his sides, staring down at you with heartbreak in his eyes.

"you know when we first met, the first thing that drew me to you was how strong a head you had on your shoulders. i always told myself that you could do anything. and even if you failed, you would still brush it off like it was nothing and keep going," he tells you with a grimace on his face, one that he specifically reserved for people who have done him wrong. seeing that look on his face had you feeling nervous. "and then.. verdammte hölle.. you get mixed up in these messes and i'm always the one to pick up the pieces."

you were stunned. there no words to describe what you were feeling right now. how dare he try to put the blame on you? how dare he try to make this about him?

"you are my friend, könig. my best friend. that's what best friends are supposed to do-"

he laughs. he actually laughs in your face. "supposed to do? supposed to do? i am not supposed to do anything. it is not an obligation of mine as your friend to only be seen as a person of comfort. that is not who i am, verdammt noch mal!"

one thing about könig is when he's pissed, he'll slip into german. and by the looks and sound of it, you can tell that this man in front of you has reached his breaking point. did you really cause this?

"you're.. you're the only friend i have, k! there's nobody else whose been there for me like you have!" you're starting to get pissed too. why is he so upset over something you chose to do? it shouldn't have effected him, right? why is it effecting him? what's going on?

"that's exactly it!" his voice raises an octave higher. "this is what i have told you from the beginning, ja? you couldn't stand being alone, so you felt the need to-to, what? hurt yourself even more by going out with these stücke scheiße to forget about just how lonely and sad you are?"

now that one stung. you blinked back tears and shook your head at him. "how dare you?" your voice was cold and quiet.

"how dare me?" könig lets out a humorless laugh and crosses his arms. you try to ignore the fact that the action of him doing so has increased the size of his biceps. "how dare you, y/n? you have used me for your own emotional comfort over and over without even realizing how much it has pained me. you have been so blinded from these-these sad excuses for men from really seeing what was in front of you."

your eyes widened and you swallowed down a gasp. without being told anymore details, you knew where this confession was going. you shook your head at him again and pressed your hands to your forehead. "oh, no, no, no," you whispered to yourself. "this was not supposed to happen."

könig looks away from you and instead stares at his feet. "no.. it wasn't," he replies quietly. he didn't know what else to say. here he was, heart out in the open, as vulnerable as they come. it's either a make or break type of situation. his heart grew heavy.

you really didn't want to do this right now, but there was no other choice. after all of these harsh words have been exchanged, you might as well bite the bullet. you took a step forward towards him, and then another, and soon you're standing just in his line of sight.

"könig," you whispered and laid a hand on his tense forearm. your bottom lip trembled and your eyes got all glossy with tears. "you are my best friend, but.."

"yeah.. there it is," he muttered to himself with a sad chuckle. "but you only see me as such, ja?"

there was a tense silence now between you two. könig moved away from you, letting your hand fall from his arm. you sniffled and swallowed down the pitiful whimper that threatened to leave your lips.

"you don't see it, do you?" he looks at you now, and you burn under his gaze. "with every cry, every heartbreak, every episode, i have been there. but where were you for me?"

that was the question that finally made you break. you covered your face with your hands and turned away from him. you couldn't even lie to yourself anymore. everything he had said was true. the ache in your chest only worsened at the thought of losing the one good person in your life. when you turned around again, könig was holding the front door open. you didn't even hear him do that.

"bear," you whispered brokenly, tears freely sliding down your cheeks as you stood before him again, desperate for a reaction or for him to tell you that he was just kidding. "remember me? it's your bohne?"

bear and bohne, or bean, as he loved to call you. those were your nicknames for each other due to your height and size differences. the names stuck for years and even then, you two would refer to each other as such.

könig shakes his head at you, opening the door wider when you tried touching his arm again. "no," he mutters. "you were never mine to begin with."

and that was the final crack in your heart before it shattered into a million pieces. who would have thought that your dumb decisions could cause one of the worst heartbreaks you could ever imagine? you whispered his name again, so broken and pitiful. but he didn't bother to look at you. he instead closes his eyes.

"it's time for you to go now," he tells you, his hand tightening around the knob behind the door that you couldn't see.

when you try to call his name again, he opens his eyes. and right there, you see the tears threatening to fall. the slight tremble in his lip and the way he furrowed his brows and clenched his jaw to prevent a single tear to roll down his cheek.

"bitte," he whispers.

that was a word you understood very well. in the early stages of your friendship, having learned that könig was of german heritage, you made it a point for him to teach you german words and phrases.

please, is what he said. he was begging you to leave. in all your years of knowing him, you have never heard that word come from that man's lips. he has never begged anyone to do anything, ever. so hearing him beg you to leave his apartment and essentially leave him alone for whoever knows how long tore you up. you stood in front of him in silence one last time and finally got the courage to exit. the second your feet touched the tiled ground of the hallway, the door slammed shut and locked behind you.

later that night, you saw that he had blocked your number when you tried sending him an apology text. who would have thought?

#OH MY GOD THIS HURT ME SO BAD TO WRITE #it takes a lot of maturing to realize who was right and who was wrong #baby könig did not deserve that 😭#könig x reader #könig angst #könig

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keepyourpantsongohan · 5 months

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Married, Colleagues, Divorced

This thought would enter his mind: Something about it is definitely different. (Gaara Hiden, Ch. 1) | Ten Days of Tenzo (@tendaysoftenzo) Day 5: Kakashi | AO3 |

━━━━━━━━━━��━━━━━

Yamato to Kakashi of the Two Normal Eyes: Kakashi. Can I ask you a question...?

Kakashi to Colleague I Think About Such a Normal Amount: Yes, Tenzō?

Yamato: Did you date Iruka?

Kakashi: Why do u ask?

Yamato: Something Naruto said about going on outings with the two of you. Apparently, you even paid.

Kakashi: We are amicably divorced

Yamato: Elaborate.

Kakashi: The outings are part of our custody arrangement. The ramen is alimony

Yamato: I understand all of these words but not in this order.

Kakashi: What’s not to understand. It’s important to model healthy separation for the kids

Yamato: So you two did date?

Kakashi: No. Next question

Kakashi to Standing Tenzōvation: Come sit here

Yamato to Hatake a Bow: I’ll come find you after. We’re going to get in trouble for texting during jōnin council deliberation again.

Kakashi: I tried talking to u with Anbu hand signals. U said those were too obvious

Yamato: They are too obvious; you should see the message Genma sent me after the last council. Why do I need to sit there anyway?

Kakashi: I want to eat with u today and if I’m not already occupied after we finish I will be caught in a meeting vortex

Yamato: Comes with the new job-title, Rokudaime-sama.

Kakashi: Not until next week, officially. And I didn’t enjoy any part of that sentence.

Yamato: Well, aren’t you emotionally forthright today? It’s refreshing.

Kakashi: Does that mean u will buy lunch?

Yamato: You’re the one who just got a promotion. Hokage’s treat?

Kakashi: I’ll spar u for it

Yamato: You’re on.

Kakashi to Magic Mountain: Soup on your windowsill

Yamato to Lord Sixth Flags: Thank you. You could come in, you know.

Kakashi: U need some rest. Plus I have been assigned a mission to have tea with Hyuga-san 2nite

Yamato: That’s a new one. Who assigned that?

Kakashi: Me. 😔 I’ve been told clan relations are my problem now

Yamato: I can hardly wrap my head around you being a politician.

Kakashi: I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around u nearly getting chakra exhaustion from a spar

Yamato: How many times have YOU gotten chakra exhaustion?

Kakashi: I haven’t kept a count

Yamato: I have. 16.

Kakashi: That’s not bad. 1.4% of missions. Point is that’s what I expect from me, not u

Yamato: Give me a break. I’ve only ever fought you when you had your sharingan. I didn’t account for how much stamina you’d have without it. My hospital check-up was quick and painless.

Kakashi: Easy for u to say, u weren’t awake for the berating when I hauled u in

Yamato: Tsunade-sama or Sakura?

Kakashi: Sakura, thankfully. She still feels bad about hitting me, unlike her shishō

Yamato: Are we in trouble?

Kakashi: Don’t think so. The killing intent stopped after u woke up

Kakashi: Sakura threatened to abandon her post and become a rogue ninja if we ever do it again, but I have a plan for that

Yamato: Do you anticipate Sakura leaving Konoha?

Kakashi: Not really. But after Sasuke I figured the other two should have contingencies, and I kept adding as u and Sai joined

Yamato: Are you saying you have a plan for a scenario where all five other members of our team abandon the village?

Kakashi: Don’t take this the wrong way but I have a 14-step-plan for that scenario

Yamato: Both impressive and concerning.

Kakashi: That’s what they tell me in ninja therapy

Yamato: You have a therapist?

Kakashi: Yeah. Don’t u?

Yamato: Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve never been more attracted to you.

Kakashi: Hm. What’s your average amount of attraction to me?

Yamato: I abstain from the question.

Kakashi: 🤔😈㊙️❓

Sakura to Team Thanks for Pardoning Sasuke, Sensei: reminder that our new team photo will be taken tomorrow. naruto buy a hairbrush. sensei and sasuke remember to show up on time

Naruto: i own a hairbrush!! it just doesn’t work on my hair y’know

Sakura: bring it and i’ll help. i’m not breaking another one of my combs

Sasuke: Why do I get lumped in with Kakashi? I’m on time.

Sakura: you missed the last three years of team meetings

Sasuke: Touché.

Sai: Do Yamato-taichō and I need to do anything?

Sakura: i think you’ll both be fine. don’t worry too much about what kind of smile you need. be natural

Sai: I will join you early so we can practice being natural.

Sakura: that’s not what i meant. but sure we can get breakfast

Naruto: me too!!!!

Sakura: NOT ichiraku.

Naruto disliked “NOT ichiraku.”

Sasuke liked “NOT ichiraku.”

Naruto: :(((((((((((( ok

Yamato: Kakashi and I will both have a meeting about the new housing developments first thing. I can make sure we get there.

Naruto: should u be spending so much time together?

Naruto: i don’t want yamato-taichō to catch ur chakra exaustion again kaka-sensei

Kakashi: For the last time, I did not GIVE Yamato chakra exhaustion. U can’t catch it

Sakura: debatable.

Sai: Sakura does offer medical credibility to Naruto’s theory.

Kakashi: Tenzō, tell them.

Yamato: I haven’t ruled it out.

Naruto: SEE. ur contagious sensei

Kakashi: I miss when u all found me intimidating

Sasuke: We never found you intimidating.

Sakura liked “We never found you intimidating.”

Naruto liked “We never found you intimidating.”

Yamato: Didn’t you make them homemade bento on their first day? Not your most menacing tactic.

Naruto: tbh iruka-sensei and jiraiya-sensei had a lot more rules than u

Naruto: ur gonna have to work on that as Hokage!

Sai: If you would like, I can pretend to find you intimidating. I’m a very good actor.

Kakashi: Thank u, Sai. 😔🤘

Anko to Jōnin Gone Wild: @Shiranui Genma, Married, Colleagues, Divorce: Gai, Raidō, Aoba

Genma: Easy. Marry Raidō, Colleagues Gai, Divorce Aoba

Aoba: I understand

Gai: You have ALWAYS been an EXCELLENT Colleague, my friend!!!

Raidō: 👌

Yamato: What kind of a game is this?

Anko: Kakashi invented it. Something about it being a therapy exercise

Kakashi: Actually, my therapist advised against it. But I’m glad we have a new game. Shizune was 2 good at online mahjong

Shizune: You would be too if you grew up with Tsunade-sama. Also your next meeting is 5 minutes. I’ll bring the briefing when I’m upstairs

Kurenai: You know, as Hokage, technically Kakashi is responsible for all active shinobi. He shouldn’t be allowed to date any of his colleagues

Anko: Hahahah, government-mandated celibacy

Kakashi: I’ve been Hokage for like 3 days and none of u respect authority anyways

Kurenai: Are you saying you DO want to date a jōnin?

Anko emphasized, “Are you saying you DO want to date a jōnin?”

Yamato emphasized, “Are you saying you DO want to date a jōnin?”

Kakashi: U think I don’t know a trap when I see one

Shizune: He has a picture of gljljLKHGLJ

Shizune: I would like everyone to know that Kakashi-sama grabbed my phone when I was writing that message.

Kakashi: Aiming for meeting brief. New depth perception with 2 eyes. Talk later bye

Yamato to Celibacy Senpai: Explain to me how the game works again. Since we’re colleagues, we can’t be married or divorced?

Kakashi to Comrade Featured in Several GROUP Photos: It’s more of a state of mind

Kakashi: Take for example, if I had u, Yugao and Ibiki. I’d Colleagues Yugao, Divorce Ibiki and Marry u.

Yamato: That implies you were married to Ibiki before me.

Kakashi: Would it affect ur interest in marrying me?

Yamato: No, but I’d wonder why we didn’t get married first. We get along more.

Kakashi: We prioritized our friendship over other potential kinds of bonds

Yamato: I think we've got a pretty good track record for adapting. Besides, spouses should be friends. Anyway, none of this answers the question of why you’d suddenly marry someone else.

Kakashi: We were separated by a tsunami. U lost ur memory and I couldn’t find u so Ibiki and I got together so the kids could have another role model

Yamato: How long was I gone before you moved on?

Kakashi: We co-parented but I didn’t move on. That’s why u and I get married

Yamato: What if I’m more of a long-term-romantic-roommates kind of guy?

Kakashi: I’d make that work

Yamato: In the game?

Kakashi: Sure. In the game

Naruto to Team Congratulations Chūbu Sai: i went 2 the yamanaka flower shop for plant food after we met up and u’ll never guess what i saw!! u know the bandana guy?

Yamato: Genma?

Kakashi: Ibiki?

Sakura: Ebisu-sensei?

Naruto: no. sasuke hair

Kakashi: Izumo

Yamato: Izumo.

Naruto: yeah him!! he was buying flowers for that other guy. big stick.

Sakura: 🤨

Kakashi: That’s Kotetsu. And?

Naruto: he was BUYING FLOWERS. for that GUY. for a DATE!!!!!

Sai: Ino tells me it is customary to bring your partner gifts like flowers to show your affection.

Naruto: I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS AN OPTION!!

Kakashi: Dating Kotetsu? It isn’t. He’s in a relationship. And he’s too old for u

Naruto: DATING A GUY!!

Yamato: Why didn’t you think it was an option, Naruto?

Naruto: i mean, everyone thinks that way about guys and girls and everyone

Naruto: but no one DOES IT, y’know

Sai questioned “i mean, everyone thinks that way about guys and girls and everyone.”

Sai: Is that true?

Sakura: i think this is the wrong chat to ask that question in

Yamato emphasized, “i think this is the wrong chat to ask that question in.”

Sai: Why?

Kakashi: I can give u a book that will explain it, Sai. Anyway Naruto, people can date anyone they want, within reason. As long as the people involved like each other

Naruto: anyone?

Kakashi: Yeah. Even more than one person at once. Right, Sasuke? 👨🏻‍🎤

Sasuke: What’s that emoji supposed to mean?

Kakashi: I just like to make sure ur phone is on.

Naruto: i gotta go for a walk

Yamato to It’s Kakamplicated: I’m going to tell him.

Kakashi to Konoha’s Next Top Anbu (Not a Sex Thing. Maybe A Sex Thing): Give him a few more days, he’ll figure it out

Yamato: …How long did it take you to figure it out?

Kakashi: I abstain from the question

Yamato: 🙄

Kakashi: Fine. 19.

Yamato: Age or years?

Kakashi: Definitely one of those two things. Next question

Iruka to Senseis R Us: What have you been telling Naruto?

Kakashi: U’ll have to be more specific

Iruka: Why did Naruto say he was going to hang out with my ex-husband?!

Kakashi: What makes u think I have anything to do with it

Iruka: I didn’t say I was talking to you. However, he was going to see your team and I don’t think Yamato-san is responsible for this!!

Yamato: I’m going to leave this one in Kakashi’s capable hands.

Iruka: Kakashi. What is wrong with you?

Yamato: Becoming a chunin at the age of 6, a strangely public black ops career, a possible attachment disorder and some very interesting tan lines.

Kakashi: That’s the kunai calling the shuriken sharp.

Kakashi: Also I’ll show u some interesting tan lines

Yamato loved “Also I’ll show u some interesting tan lines.”

Kakashi: Anyway. I didn’t say much, Naruto was just curious about our history

Iruka: We don’t have a history??

Kakashi: What about when I reupholstered your sofa?

Iruka: Was that... a romantic activity for you?

Kakashi: This is why we’d never work out, Iruka.

Iruka: Because you text like a member of the cypher corps?

Yamato: It’s not so bad. His birthday messages are very heartfelt.

Kakashi loved “It’s not so bad. His birthday messages are very heartfelt.”

Kakashi: Thank you, Tenzō.

Iruka: Who’s Tenzō?

Yamato liked “Who’s Tenzō?”

Kakashi loved “Who’s Tenzō?”

Iruka: This is going on your performance review as an ex-husband.

Kakashi: That’s fair

Yamato to Kakashinova: Have you seen my uniform belt?

Kakashi to Some Kind of Wooderful: I have not. U do keep taking it off every time we eat if that helps?

Yamato: I can’t get used to the placement. But I’ll need to find it or order another one before my next check-in. You know how they are about item counts.

Kakashi: U can use one of mine if u want

Yamato: Your black belt which has Rokudaime Hokage stitched on the inside? I’ll pass, thanks.

Kakashi: I don’t know why they keep putting that on everything. But u can’t see that part while ur wearing it anyway. It’s the same belt

Yamato: Yes, but the Anbu would know it was your belt. I get enough heat for how much time we spend together as it is.

Kakashi: Favouritism?

Yamato: More like wisecracks about holding a torch for you.

Kakashi: Haha why. Do you have a crush on me, Tenzō?

Yamato: You know the answer to this one. Next question.

Kakashi: What makes u think I know the answer?

Yamato: You’re the smartest person in this village. And we see each other every day.

Kakashi: We all have our Shodaime’s nipple

Yamato: Some of us more than most. Let’s try a different question. How many times have we kissed each other?

Kakashi: 7. 9 and a half if u count missions

Yamato: Where are you getting the half from?

Kakashi: CPR

Yamato: Ah. So, in those nine-and-a-half moments... You didn’t have any suppositions? Inferences? Lessons gleaned from experience?

Kakashi: Four and a half of them we’d need to discount for recall, and the last few are harder to report on due to observer bias

Yamato: The observer bias in you gauging my romantic feelings.

Kakashi: Yes

Yamato: Because you would like?

Kakashi: You

Yamato: Me to what?

Kakashi: Long-term romantic roommates, eventually

Yamato: Oh.

Kakashi: Yeah. Do you mind?

Yamato: No, I don’t mind. Maybe we can start with dinner and a walk first?

Yamato: And Kakashi? I long-term romantic roommates you too.

Kakashi: That’s a funny way to ask me on a date. 💘 See u in an hour?

Yamato: It’s on.

#kakashi hatake #yamato tenzo #kakayama #tendaysoftenzo #tenzashi #naruto series #mine #fanfiction #long post #team 7 #ayesha talks anime #as always. i'll ignore that some of u are late if u ignore that i am the latest ;)#one day i hope the couch reupholstering story will see the light of day #i will make no apologies for my sense of humour LMAO #except to iruka. i love u mineral water <3

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dragondart · 1 year

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Fuck it. How the boys would text except none of these are good and I’m making fun of all of them:

Sky: He doesn’t respond to anything in group chats unless he is directly asked to, instead he just reacts to everything with the heart emoji. That being said he’s the king of DMing you to talk about drama in the group chat well it’s happening. Responds to things with gifs.

Four: You’re either getting a single emote response or an essay, nothing in between. Also sends 100 texts every time he talks because he presses send whenever he’s done with a sentence. You have to mute him for your own sanity.

Time: Texts in complete “teenage internet lingo” from the 2000s. Think things like ROFL and LMK like he’s still using a flip phone and trying to save on letters. He’s also likes using one letter words and mixing numbers in (C U 2nite).

Wind: Texts just like Time but bump the timeline up to the 2010s. Just look up the Danny Gonzales video “The Tea”, that’s what he sounds like. He does ironically to make fun of Time but he’s not sure it’s working.

Warriors: Types like he’s writing a professional email all the time. It’s extremely off putting. Likes really old school memes and doesn’t get why Legend keeps telling him to stop sharing them.

Twilight: Types mostly normal but has early 2010s tumblr-isms peppered in. Stuff like pupper and smol bean. He also unironically uses the OwO emotes.

Wild: Like Wind his texting style was meant to be a joke but unlike Wind he can’t actually stop it anymore. He now unironically says poggers and cap. He also keeps saying nonsensical shit in hopes that it becomes some sort of inside joke or meme.

Legend: *read at 2:30am.* *Sends a meme to the group chat and says nothing else.* He also has a horrid habit of calling people to talk unprompted and he will hit you with the “I know you’re online answer me” text if you ignore him.

Hyrule: Types like a tiktoker. Also is a tiktoker. If he’s not doing that he’s playing Pictionary with the sheer amount of emojis he’s using. Keysmashes.

#I’m so fucking sorry #Linked universe #lu sky #lu four #lu time #wind lu #lu warriors #lu twilight #lu wild #lu legend #lu hyrule

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messenger-of-stupidity · 9 months

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However, Your Mother

Welcome back to another Shaw Mates Group Chat Post that totally hasn't been sitting completed in my drafts for over a month because I forgot to post it nope not at all that would be utterly ridiculous ahahaha

This is pretty short though because my brain has been filled with angst for the past several months and crack isn't really doing much for me atm.

CW: Angel is back on their crack shit but keeps getting rejected, Baabe is living for the gossip, Sweetheart is a bit more active, Sam just wants some normality but he should know better by now fr fr

Actual CW: Crack, Cursing, Shenanigans, GN Listeners, Any gendered terms are purely for the memes and should not be taken seriously in any kind of way.

<- Previous ---- Masterlist ---- Next ->

Sweetheart: My supervisor is literally dog turds

Angel: i dont know whether to be happy i wasnt first or upset that u didnt say cat litterbox droppings

Baabe: what happened invisi?

Sweetheart: Were circling back to that nickname later. Whats wrong is that theyre making me stay late

Angel: but but 2nites mate nioght

Sweetheart: I know it is thats why Im upset

Baabe: theres only one thing left to do. we cause a error in the computer system and hold their information hostage so that way invisi can sneak out. get it? sneak? cause theyre a stealth? im so funny.

Sam: I knew it was too much to hope that for once this was a normal and legal conversation, and yet I did so regardless. Good lord.

Angel: vamp daddy

Angel: welcome to another episode of davey is gonna kill me

Baabe: whatd you do?

Angel: hol up a sec i need to wait for invisi and vamp daddy to be here

Baabe: if this was discord we could @ them.

Angel: omg it would be so fun to have a mates disc call

Baabe: IT WOULD

Sam: This is the highest level of my tolerance. I don't think I could handle a group call with all of you. Especially without David to monitor.

Angel: davey do be a sexy supervisor vroom vroom

Sam: I'm never going to be able to look at David the same now. Thank you for that.

Angel: yw now where is my invisible hoe

Baabe: imma call them.

Angel: that just leaves vamp daddy and me (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Sam: Oh dear lord.

Angel: nope just me

Sweetheart: Whatd I miss

Baabe: angel fucked up again.

Sweetheart: Oh good

Angel: cool now that everyones here

Angel: how does one get dough off high ceilings and back into the kitchen

Sam: Do I even want to know how you managed that?

Baabe: by asking you have become complicit. congrats!

Sam: Shit.

Sweetheart: Before I tell you I wanna know how tf you managed to do that

Angel: so i was making pizza rite

Baabe: its gonna be a multi text situation. neat.

Angel: and the impulsive urge to yeet that motherfucker at the ceiling with the force of a thousands suns came upon this bitch

Sam: And that should be a lesson in control, kiddos.

Angel: but i couldnt do it in the kitchen because i wasnt in the kitchen

Sweetheart: Then where tf were you

Angel: in davey and me bedroom

Baabe: omg this keeps getting better. i cant wait to tell Ash.

Angel: we have hella high ceilings so i got on the bed and threw the dough at the ceiling

Angel: now its stuck and davey is gonna come home any minute

Sweetheart: I lied I have no idea how to get pizza dough off high ceilings I just wanted to hear the story hehehehe

Angel: ((유∀유|||))

Baabe: all mates are wonderful. all werewolves are awesome (except chrissy all my homies hate chrissy) but Ash is by far the best. <3

Angel: omg i literally luv my house husband

Sweetheart: Disagree what evidence do you have

Baabe: three words invisi.

Angel: i love you

Baabe: no

Angel: rejected by my waifu im never gonna financially recover alexa play the wheels on the bus

Baabe: breakfast. in. bed.

Sweetheart: Three words for you

Angel: i love you

Sweetheart: No

Angel: rejected twice in one day by my waifus alexa play arabian nights

Sweetheart: Crumbs. In. Bed.

Sam: Why was this what I had to come in to?

Angel: sam wont reject me will u vamp daddy

Sam: Without hesitation I absolutely will.

Angel: im literally gonna kms ༼ ༎ຶ �� ༎ຶ༽

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted shaw pack #redacted shaw pack mates #redacted pack mates group chat #redacted angel #redacted baabe #redacted sam #redacted sweetheart #redacted davey #redacted ash #shaw pack mates group chat

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noroalia · 2 years

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having a normal one 2nite

#debby commented that on my steam profile ages ago and ive said it out loud everytime ive looked at my profile since #dhmis spoilers #<- tag 4 swoosh. look away swoosh #dhmis

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shadow0-1 · 2 years

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having a normal one 2nite lads

#call of duty #modern warfare #OC: Jax #phillip graves #ship: high places #just a quick little 🤏 thing #im gonna clown so hard yall don't even know #im FERAL #i need to bite him #take a chunk off his arm #i must maul #jackie ramirez

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wlwill0w · 2 months

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Srry gals and a couple guys for breaking my "logging off for 2nite but I just had to share this song

It's another sex machine song. Idk how to classify them so I'll just do what Spotify does to anything that doesn't sound "normal" and say that it's indie. I'd even call it emo since the EP portrays more complex emotion other than whatever Taylor Swift sings abt.

Scratch that it's not indie at all because there's hardly any lofi inspo it's def emo since PTV is considered emo and the term emo can be a bit floppy since majority of 3rd wave was pop punk (if I'm wrong with the number lmk or just tell me to kill myself I'll kno what u mean.)

For any people who get a major hard on for obscurity (like I do) this band might be an amazing fit into your playlist. Pls don't gatekeep them unless the vibes abt someone are off. I only fw gatekeeping if it's to not have a whole genre ruined by basic bitches and/or racists.

I'm one of those 23 >_< and I found out about the band by randomly talking with my friend and said something about how sex machine is probably a band name (not even kidding. You could ask him but he doesn't use tumblr and all he uses the internet for is gay black and brown men and Xbox)

Also srry for the lil rant but this is like the one place where I can express myself to people who I can believe are real beings and not just filler my brain created.

Love sex machine tho, hope they continue to make music.

Goodnight (hopefully fr this time)

（╹◡╹）♡

#obscure bands #musicposting #music recs #:3 #emo #emo music #transgender #trans #transfem #queer #spotify #lesbian

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builtlikeastickofcelery · 1 year

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!!!! leos dissociating !!! what set him off?? what do they do when he comes out of it? has he done this before??? my boy :[

ARHGGHGAGGGAG COMIC ASK FIRST ONE I THINK

ok!! so the whole purpose of the comic (bc its gonna b recurring even if it’s kinda ugly + messy) is to try and convey a sort of “off” feeling pretty much (and work on drawing groupshots+backgrounds+inanimate objects hehe) AND to indulge myself with my post-movie hcs :D

so to summarize in short: its six days post-invasion and 2 days after leo wakes up, but something is wrong. physically, he is in stable enough condition to leave the med bay for a short while (it was occupied :]) but everything else is just off. for one thing, leo hasn’t spoken at all (at least verbally) since then and frequently zones out/dissociates, to the point that he’s rarely lucid enough to sign. so obviously there is some worry, all of which has been kept from mikey in an effort to keep him from freaking out. then BAM impromptu movie night+CRISIS !!!!!!!

anyway I don’t think leo has a long or frequent history of dissociation which makes it all the more concerning, but the fam tries to continue their normal routine in an effort to bring him back a little (cue bizarrely sad group drawings) despite other problems :] hope youre excited!! Im gonna try to post the next page 2nite and lmk if you have any ideas for a title! Also feel free to ask me about the comic (or just send silly little asks) anytime! They’re like a delicious treat for me :]

#ask #rottmnt #rottmnt comic

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ma-39 · 1 year

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It is actually almost funny how easily I can go from "haha preheating my oven for food having a good time!" to "i hope i get eaten by bears" because of one innocuous thing that makes me aware of my appearance. having a normal one 2nite ^___^

#body image

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palisadewasp · 10 months

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having a normal one 2nite

#poggay rambles

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dauntless-ravenclaw-athenachild · 1 year

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I'm coming: A reader x boyfriend sickfic

As you got ready for your date at the new French restaurant that night, all you could think about was that you hoped that this one would be at least somewhat normal. Last time, you went to the zoo with your boyfriend and all the snakes escaped. Turns out, your boyfriend is like, panic attack level afraid of snakes. The time before that, you went to an art gallery and the east wing went up in flames. And the time before THAT… well you get the idea. Then your phone chimed a happy tune. You picked it up and saw a text from your boyfriend:

Bf: Hey, you.

You: Hey!

Bf: I’m not feeling 2 hot, (🤢) so I'm going 2 have to cancel our date 2nite. 😭

You: Oh, no! That's 2 bad! Hope u feel better soon! Love u! ❤️🤕

Bf: Sry.

Well, so much for your date. But then an idea came to you. A way to still see your boyfriend right from his house. You slipped out of the shiny red outfit you were going to wear on your date, and pulled on some sweat pants and a cotton tee instead. Then you scrawled a quick note to your parents and grabbed your car keys.

*time skip*

You parked your car in front of a small brownstone on a quiet street and hopped out. Tucking your phone and car keys into your pockets, you reach out and rap quietly on the door. You hear shuffling and then your boyfriend's slightly raspier than usual voice calls through the door. “W-who’s dere?” “Just me, sweetheart.” You call back. “Go away! I’b fide!” “Considering you texted me to cancel our date, which you never do, and the way you sound right now, you’re not “fide”. You say, barely keeping a laugh out of your voice.

Some more shuffling, and he pulls the door open. You barely hide a gasp. He’s wrapped in a blanket, pale as a ghost except for his chapped nose and two fever red splotches on his cheeks. He’s trembling with the effort of holding himself up. He has a death grip on the door and still looks like he’s going to fall over. “H-h-hngxt! ngkt! hng'tch! hh'GXTshoo!” And with that impressively stifled sneezing fit, he does, in fact, fall over. Luckily, you're there to catch him.

“Does your head hurt?” He nods weakly. “Well, no wonder! Don’t stifle, it’ll only make it hurt more and I’m okay with your sneezes. Now, let's get you somewhere more comfortable than this hallway, shall we?” He nods and leans heavily on you, letting you guide him through a maze of used tissues towards the couch. This, and the fact that the room reeks slightly of vomit is an indicator that he’s been sick for a while before he told you.

But, before you can even get to the couch, he stiffens and suddenly dashes away from you much faster than you would have thought possible from someone who looked so much like death warmed over. Perplexed, you follow him towards the small bathroom that he and his mom share. Understanding dawns on you as you round the corner and hear the sickening splash of vomit hitting the water. You rush in and start rubbing small circles on his hunched back. You can't really do anything else except reassure him that it will all be over soon and that he’ll be alright.

When he’s done you notice for the first time the tears that are streaming down his face. “Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay, you’re okay. Shhh, shhh. You're okay.” You raise a hand and gently wipe the tears away, gently pulling him into your lap while also trying to gauge how high his temperature is. He leans into your touch and you realize just how high his fever actually is. “Shit.” you breathe.

You see him swallow and promptly wince. “Sore throat?” you ask. He nods again. “Okay, screw the couch. You’re going to bed, mister.” Helping him up, you notice that his legs are trembling. “Here, I'll carry you.” you whisper to him. He protests weakly, but you ignore it and, with difficulty, (he’s always been taller than you) scoop him up and slowly start making your way to his bedroom. Once there, you dig around in his drawers for some comfy clothes. He’s currently wearing jeans and a button up shirt that suggests that he wasn’t going to cancel your date even if it killed him. Then he most likely collapsed in his hallway.

You return to the bed and gently rouse your boyfriend, who has already fallen asleep in the short time it took you to find his pj’s. You sigh and remove his tight button up shirt, slipping him into a light cotton sleep shirt instead. “Do you think you can do the pants by yourself? If not, I'll do them as well.” You ask. He nods sleepily and gestures at you to hand them over. You hand him the plaid flannel and turn around. That is, until you hear a large crash behind you.

You whirl around and see your boyfriend, lying on the floor with his pajama pants around his ankles. “I might need some help after all.” he says sheepishly. “That’s fine, sweetheart. I’ll help you.” You move towards him and, in one swift motion, yank the pants up around his waist. Then, satisfied that he’s comfortable, you lift the covers and let him snuggle into the warm bed.

You stay with him for a while, until you’re certain he’s sound asleep. Once you’re sure, you head out to clean up the small home. In the middle of picking up the used tissues in the living room, his mom walks in loaded down with groceries. “Hi Susan!” you call. You've always liked your boyfriend’s mom. “Is he still vomiting?” she asks. Something seems…. off about the way she asks.

“No, he’s sleeping now.” you answer her. “Good, the noise was starting to annoy me. I told him to stop so many times, but he absolutely refused!” And there it was. Susan, your boyfriend’s own mother, couldn't care less that he was sick. That’s just cruel, you thought. Maybe you don’t know Susan as well as you thought. You decide to start ignoring her and resume picking up tissues.

“(Y/N)? Are you still here?” a hoarse voice called down from upstairs. “Coming!” you call back. Casting one more evil glance back at Susan, you jog up the steps. Once you get to the bedroom you kneel next to his bed. “What’s the matter sweetheart?” you ask. “I-I-iiiih… IiiEISHHoo! Eh… heh… HEHISHOO! Oh, by god. I’b sorry, (Y/N), I sdeezed all over you.” “That’s okay, I have a really good immune system. Now, tell me what’s wrong.” You reply.

“I was just making sure you were still here.” “Of course, I would never leave!” you reply slightly surprised that he asked. “And look, I made you some tea, with honey for your throat. I even found some medicine that goes into it and dissolves so that you can’t even taste it.” A small smile ghosts across his face and you lean forward to help him sit up. Once you’ve done so and have placed the tea mug in his hands, you grab the remote and put on his favorite movie: “Titanic”.

You close the door, grab the small trash can from under his desk and set it next to him before you settle in next to him on the bed. As he sips his tea, he slowly leans over until you're supporting him. Smiling, you put your arm around his shoulders. “Thandks for taking care of mbe. I love you.” he whispers so faintly you almost don’t hear him. But you did. And you whisper back “I love you too.”

#snz #sickfic #my stories

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