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messenger-of-stupidity · 9 months

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However, Your Mother

Welcome back to another Shaw Mates Group Chat Post that totally hasn't been sitting completed in my drafts for over a month because I forgot to post it nope not at all that would be utterly ridiculous ahahaha

This is pretty short though because my brain has been filled with angst for the past several months and crack isn't really doing much for me atm.

CW: Angel is back on their crack shit but keeps getting rejected, Baabe is living for the gossip, Sweetheart is a bit more active, Sam just wants some normality but he should know better by now fr fr

Actual CW: Crack, Cursing, Shenanigans, GN Listeners, Any gendered terms are purely for the memes and should not be taken seriously in any kind of way.

<- Previous ---- Masterlist ---- Next ->

Sweetheart: My supervisor is literally dog turds

Angel: i dont know whether to be happy i wasnt first or upset that u didnt say cat litterbox droppings

Baabe: what happened invisi?

Sweetheart: Were circling back to that nickname later. Whats wrong is that theyre making me stay late

Angel: but but 2nites mate nioght

Sweetheart: I know it is thats why Im upset

Baabe: theres only one thing left to do. we cause a error in the computer system and hold their information hostage so that way invisi can sneak out. get it? sneak? cause theyre a stealth? im so funny.

Sam: I knew it was too much to hope that for once this was a normal and legal conversation, and yet I did so regardless. Good lord.

Angel: vamp daddy

Angel: welcome to another episode of davey is gonna kill me

Baabe: whatd you do?

Angel: hol up a sec i need to wait for invisi and vamp daddy to be here

Baabe: if this was discord we could @ them.

Angel: omg it would be so fun to have a mates disc call

Baabe: IT WOULD

Sam: This is the highest level of my tolerance. I don't think I could handle a group call with all of you. Especially without David to monitor.

Angel: davey do be a sexy supervisor vroom vroom

Sam: I'm never going to be able to look at David the same now. Thank you for that.

Angel: yw now where is my invisible hoe

Baabe: imma call them.

Angel: that just leaves vamp daddy and me (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Sam: Oh dear lord.

Angel: nope just me

Sweetheart: Whatd I miss

Baabe: angel fucked up again.

Sweetheart: Oh good

Angel: cool now that everyones here

Angel: how does one get dough off high ceilings and back into the kitchen

Sam: Do I even want to know how you managed that?

Baabe: by asking you have become complicit. congrats!

Sam: Shit.

Sweetheart: Before I tell you I wanna know how tf you managed to do that

Angel: so i was making pizza rite

Baabe: its gonna be a multi text situation. neat.

Angel: and the impulsive urge to yeet that motherfucker at the ceiling with the force of a thousands suns came upon this bitch

Sam: And that should be a lesson in control, kiddos.

Angel: but i couldnt do it in the kitchen because i wasnt in the kitchen

Sweetheart: Then where tf were you

Angel: in davey and me bedroom

Baabe: omg this keeps getting better. i cant wait to tell Ash.

Angel: we have hella high ceilings so i got on the bed and threw the dough at the ceiling

Angel: now its stuck and davey is gonna come home any minute

Sweetheart: I lied I have no idea how to get pizza dough off high ceilings I just wanted to hear the story hehehehe

Angel: ((유∀유|||))

Baabe: all mates are wonderful. all werewolves are awesome (except chrissy all my homies hate chrissy) but Ash is by far the best. <3

Angel: omg i literally luv my house husband

Sweetheart: Disagree what evidence do you have

Baabe: three words invisi.

Angel: i love you

Baabe: no

Angel: rejected by my waifu im never gonna financially recover alexa play the wheels on the bus

Baabe: breakfast. in. bed.

Sweetheart: Three words for you

Angel: i love you

Sweetheart: No

Angel: rejected twice in one day by my waifus alexa play arabian nights

Sweetheart: Crumbs. In. Bed.

Sam: Why was this what I had to come in to?

Angel: sam wont reject me will u vamp daddy

Sam: Without hesitation I absolutely will.

Angel: im literally gonna kms ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted shaw pack #redacted shaw pack mates #redacted pack mates group chat #redacted angel #redacted baabe #redacted sam #redacted sweetheart #redacted davey #redacted ash #shaw pack mates group chat

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frog-0n-a-l0g · 7 months

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Angel is def the type of person to post shit like this randomly in the gc

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blutomindpretzel · 2 years

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The Shaw pack going out to a sports bar with their mates- and they just happen to have a mechanical bull.

Everyone gets drunk as fuck, Sweetheart and Sam are downing shots together while Angel and Babe do the same. Milo and Ash are fighting over the jukebox while David fights himself not to get a migraine just watching everyone. (He’s the designated driver ofc)

90’s rock plays loudly over the conversations in the bar, and that’s when Angel pretty much darts past the jukebox to check out the mechanical bull. You bet they’re hauling ass on that thing, demanding the mechanic not to take it easy on them. This only catches the rest of the packs attention when the huge crowd of the bar pretty much huddles around the small arena. David’s ears perk up at the loud cheering, and he notices Babe slam their drink down to join them.

That’s when David sees his mate atop this huge ass mechanical bull, back arched and hair a mess as they struggle to stay upright. He’s tall enough to see over the crowd, and he’d be a damn liar to say that he didn’t absolutely love the sight. But the fact that the rest of these strangers got to see them like this too- yea, David didn’t like that too much either.

Angel’s laughing like a maniac, occasionally yelping as they hit a difficult spot in the programming. Once they do fall however, they’re just laughing harder despite the nausea. David flinches, but Asher holds his shoulder as Angel jogs back to the rest of the group. “I didn’t die!” “Fucking hell-“

Babe is a little clumsier than Angel, so they refuse to get on the “robotic cow”. However, Sweetheart sneaks past the group to give it a try themselves- despite the alcohol soaked nerves that threaten to reach the surface. Milo was drinking and chatting with Angel and Ash when David’s mate stood on the step of their barstool to start cheering and laughing.

Milo choked on his drink by the time he reached their line of sight.

And yes Sam absolutely rode the bull and almost reached Angel’s top score. David- sober as fuck- never even got near the thing unless his mate was the one riding it. Asher tried to stand on it and sprained his wrist so they had to go home. Milo couldn’t even last three seconds on the bull- to which Sweetheart cackled from their seat and booed him. (Which he returned with a very loving middle finger)

#redacted asmr #redacted asmr asher #redacted sweetheart #redacted angel #redacted david #redacted milo #redacted babe #I love the pack sm dude #tw: alcohol useage and intense drinking #angel and sweetheart are good with their hips #babe is a lil clumsy and I love them don’t worrysweetie you’ll get another chance #Milo is looking respectively #meanwhile David is looking dis respectively #yea ash was the reason they had to leave early sorry bby #mechanical bulls are something ive always wanted to try they sound so fucking fun

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cheolsfriend · 1 year

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Dahlia Secrets!

—> A series of “secrets” (weird/crack headcannons) about people from all over Dahlia.

Note: These are just for shits and giggles so yeah, most are unrealistic 💀

—

Secret #1:

If you stand next to David Shaw himself, you’ll automatically have full bar wifi.

Secret #2:

Angel could power a car with their voice.

Secret #3:

Milo Greer has a slightly overly bright political smile.

Secret #4:

Sweetheart had a slight fear of dicks before. They got scared the first time they saw one in person.

Secret #5:

Damien likes slightly overpriced lemonade on a hot summer day.

Secret #6:

Darlin’ has fought a faulty vending machine and won(???).

Secret #7:

Lasko Moore has a coffee cup with “STUDENT’S TEARS” written on it.

Secret #8:

Aaron has one existential crisis per morning.

Secret #9:

19 years old Babe has used a Nestle Café Blend 43 jar to defend themself from an aggressive car thief.

Secret #10:

Gavin had swallowed a total of 10 UNO cards to win an UNO game.

Secret #11:

10 years old Ollie thought he was gonna die while being constipated on a public toilet.

Secret #12:

Babe used to sleep at 8:30 PM.

Secret #13:

Huxley is a little terrified of boredom.

Secret #14:

Caelum makes a serious and focused yet teary face whenever he stubs his toe.

Secret #15:

Sam has a rivalry with bumblebees.

Secret #16:

A small part of the reasons why Vincent is well-respected in the clan is because he’s got dirt on everyone.

Secret #17:

Lovely apologizes to inanimate objects.

Secret #18:

David contributes absolutely nothing in online group chats.

Secret: #19:

Smartass bites into ice cream.

Secret #20:

Angel says internet slangs in verbal conversations.

Secret #21:

Darlin’ has a gun up their ass at all times.

Secret #22:

Milo sometimes starts online fights for entertainment purposes.

Secret #23:

¾ of Freelancer’s gallery is memeable pics of the DAMN squad.

Secret #24:

Lasko’s storage is on life support.

Secret #25:

Damien’s contact name in Gavin’s phone is “Portable AC”.

Secret #26:

The ONE time Huxley accidentally smacks Angel as a joke, Angel slid 6ft across the floor.

Secret #27:

After David’s multiple meetings with Angel, David had a slight urge to officially and permanently ban Angel off the Shaw Pack territory.

Secret #28:

Lovely reminds Darlin’ of Angel.

Secret #29:

(Ollie) Baby’s credit card was in debt, TWICE.

Secret #30:

For some ungodly reason, Vincent has 20k pics in his phone.

Secret #31:

Sam’s pupils goes opposite directions of each other whenever he spaces out.

Secret #32:

Asher once found a king sized condom in Babe’s nightstand drawer before they started dating.

Secret #33:

Milo used the ‘macarena dance’ to seduce Sweetheart. (It worked)

Secret #34:

Aaron watches Gilmore Girls religiously.

Secret #35:

Gregory once slipped in the shower and tried to grab the water.

Secret #36:

Christian wins fake arguments with himself in the shower.

Secret #37:

Arden cheated once in Poker.

Secret #36:

Ollie dislikes Zoom.

Secret #37:

Smartass and Milo was a leash kid.

Secret #38:

Babe can twerk, jsyk.

Secret #39:

Freelancer saw the price tag of Xavier’s shirt behind his neck after their talk.

Secret #40:

8 years old David used his bedroom door to get rid of his wobbly tooth.

Secret #41:

Sweetheart once smelled a really nasty cologne on Angel and never said anything about it.

Secret #42:

Freelancer finds Gavin’s smirk expression absolutely attractive.

Secret #43:

Huxley took a whole year of figure skating class and graduated.

Secret #44:

Despite cat-lover tendency, Lasko was slightly scared of cats.

Secret #45:

Starlight once got locked inside Avior’s bathroom.

Secret #46:

Both Darlin’ and Angel has a separate photo album full of blackmail.

Angel collects blackmail from the mates, Darlin’ collects blackmail from the wolves.

Secret #47:

Darlin’ genuinely finds Quinn ugly.

Secret #48:

Avior has a separate mug full of fountain pens.

Secret #49:

Milo had braces.

Secret #50:

Out of all the Shaw Pack mates and werewolves, Babe was the first one to get their drivers license in their teen years.

Secret #51:

Damien once caught Huxley at an adult store in a mall.

Secret #52:

Ollie and Aaron are the same height, Aaron just wears shoes with higher soles.

Secret #53:

Gregory’s actual first impression of David was “mini Gabe”.

Secret #54:

Babe has worked at Home Depot.

Secret #55:

David had ONE sticker on his fossil-aged laptop. And it’s a Hello Kitty sticker.

Secret #56:

Sweetheart almost lost Milo’s phone, TWICE.

Secret #57:

Smartass is banned from a fast food restaurant.

Secret #58:

Despite being lost from David multiple times at the airport, Angel is really good with airport check-ins.

Secret #59:

Caelum has a good sense of hearing.

Secret #60:

Freelancer wears a ring on their ring finger for shits and giggles.

Secret #61:

David knows the scientific name for how a bug sleeps.

Secret #62:

Angel casually uses scientific terms in conversations.

Secret #63:

Law student Babe uses the things they learned in law school to win arguments.

Secret #64:

Lovely could take over the world but ‼️responsibilities‼️ :(

Secret #65:

Sam doesn’t like road trips with Vincent because he’s forced to sit on small middle seat on the three-seater at the back.

Secret #66:

Christian throws more shade than balls.

Secret #67:

A question Angel asked right before sex almost lead to them and David breaking up.

Secret #68:

Lasko minds his business but knows all the tea.

Secret #69:

Sam’s a vampire yes. But instead of garlic, it’s seafood.

Secret #70:

Milo sat on Aggro multiple times.

Secret #71:

Angel calls laundry detergent ‘laundry sauce’.

—

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konnorhasapen · 1 year

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WIP Wednesday :D

I almost forgot-

If anybody remembers that snippet I posted about—the one I did not remember writing at all—I kinda kept it going and built around it and now we have a brand new wip :)

——

Chaotic Even in Literary Preferences

The house was quiet and undisturbed as Sam came through their front door. Their front door. Every time he thought about those little changes he and Darlin' would make in their words as they spoke about their home, Sam could feel his heart flutter in his chest. Toeing off his boots, he took a look around as he always did now that Darlin' lived here. He never seemed to miss the minuscule trinkets littered about as minimalistic decor; soaked in everything from stray, lone sock that would remain on the floor when the Shifter would mumble something of their feet feeling trapped in prisons of fabric until they'd realize they were missing one from their laundry and search around for it, to the rubber duck that had apparently taken its respectful post inside the fridge.

Sam still wasn't certain of the story behind it, but thought from time to time about whether or not he should ask. Only to get very slightly distracted by deciding on a name. He'd been pondering on "Bill" for a while, a name that was both simple and strong, but also showed a little more of that playful side of himself that only so many people had the pleasure of seeing.

He had shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack to his left, catching a glimpse at the coffee table in the livingroom. A curious crease found its way between dark brows as his gaze meandered across the array of books scattered across the tabletop. From Moore's 'Bark' to Tolkien's 'The Fellowship of The Ring,' Jones's 'Howl's Moving Castle' to Christie's 'And Then There Were None.' There was quite the collection strewn about before him—including an extremely well-loved copy of 'The Last Wish,' the first book in Andrzej Sapkowski's book series 'The Witcher.' One of Darlin's favorites, Sam recalled, barely needing the visual proof given the insight he'd received from Asher. He smiled at the chaos, admiring for a little bit longer just how it wound up there, before he made his way to the kitchen to check the mail.

Just as always, he plucked an obnoxiously bright colored envelope from the small pile and didn't even need to strain his eyes to find the sender's name, already knowing full well that it was from Angel. Even though he was in the mates group chat, Angel had declared to "spare his old fingies" and send him memes and screenshots from the group chat he was in, by mail. He had to give them credit: it's been months since Angel had taken this task upon themself. It seemed this whole Shaw pack was filled with members whose names could easily be synonyms of the word 'dedication.'

Had he not been a vampire, Sam never would have heard the near-silent footsteps growing nearer from their bedroom. He'd fully expected to be met with the classic "Howdy, Cowboy," or a "How'd the meetin' at 'Wonder-Ranch' fare today?" What he didn't expect and, frankly, wasn't prepared for, was to watch his Darlin' wander out into the kitchen, grab a quick snack of pretzels, and pivot towards the livingroom to have a seat on their bloodstain-free couch—all with their nose and attention buried between the pages of a book. For a few minutes, Sam said nothing as he only watched them curl up in their corner with their small bowl of pretzels and those gorgeous eyes completely lost in each word.

He caught brief sight of the cover wondering if he'd recognize a familiar title or design. He didn't.

"What'cha got there?" Sam asked softly with a gentle smile tugging at his lips. He chuckled and apologized when he saw them start at his sudden words, like he hadn't been here since they migrated.

"'Ts a book," they replied, pressing a pretzel to their smirking lips as they waited for his estimated response:

"Obviously, you wise-ass," Sam smiled a little wider and rolled his red-flecked silver eyes, making his way to join them. "I mean what type of book?" They exhaled through their nose, peering mischievously over the top of their novel.

"A hardcover," already knowing the outcome they had instigated, Darlin' preemptively slid their bookmark between the pages and snapped it shut as they used it as a shield from the pillow their mate had grabbed and thrown at them. They laughed at his reaction—something that still felt a bit foreign to them, but they were starting to get used to feeling so happy they'd let it show. They readjusted the pillow to use it as a table nestled between their crisscrossed legs, pulling the book away from their face and idly brushing a callused thumb over the lightly textured cover.

"It's 'I Am The Messenger' by Markus Zusak," Darlin' finally shared. "I wanted to finish reading at least one of the books I forgot I owned before moving in." Sam leaned forward with a chuckle and began straightening up the mess of books, putting them into small stacks.

"It was nice of David to swing them by," he said. Darlin' had expected their hardass Alpha would come around to check up on them at some point, but with an old box full of books they'd had before everything in their life turned into a shitstorm that hit the fan in a single night? If they had a penny for every time they guessed David would deliver to them a piece of who they were when things were okay, they would have a penny.

"Yeah..," they trailed off, their mind still humming with memories of Gabe taking them to the book store when they had gotten suspended for defending themself. A bittersweet smile settled on their lips. That was a good day.

They could just barely still hear his voice saying "go wild, kiddo! You won't find out what genre you like best just standing around,"

Almost, they could see the image of his goofy grin. The one he gave when he saw a flicker of a sparkle dance through their young eyes. Sam hummed, grasping Darlin's attention once more:

"Never heard of it," they were thankful he spoke before their thoughts could sour. With a smirk, they replied:

"Prob'ly 'cause yer too busy readin' li'l diddies like'Heartland'," Darlin mocked, not missing that smile and the eye roll that wasn't far behind as he shook his head.

"Okay, I'll give it to you," Sam chuckled, "that was a good one." His mate made a motion of tipping their imaginary hat and quirked their brow.

"Much obliged,"

——

And that's all I've got so far! I hope whoever reads this enjoyed my mess<3 And if you'd like to be put in a tags list for writing and art wips—or just one or the other—let me know^^

I'm not certain if you'd like to be tagged, but I know you seemed to like the original little spat I posted a couple days ago and had said you looked forward to a continuation so uh- @sealriously-sealrious I apologize profusely if you wish to not be tagged ajebfkcbks-

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redacted fanfiction #redacted fanfic #just a bit of domestic bliss and banter #also all of those books i mentioned are actual books and you should give them a crack #i have yet to read lotr or the hobbit but i trust they're just as amazing as ive heard they are

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ejunkiet · 2 years

Note

Sam gets featured only after Darlin has spent enough time in the pack and has been in the group chat long enough to feel like they’re not invading the space. The first picture sent in of him gets an intense reaction because not only does he have adorable bedhead, but HIS BEARD STICKS UP IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION ON THE SIDE HE WAS SLEEPING ON AND ITS BOTH ADORABLE AND HILARIOUS

And none of the Shaw boys have a thick enough or long enough beard for theirs to do that - and the mates absolutely LOSE IT

BEARD BEDHEAD. YES. 🥺 BLESS THAT COWBOY <333

#🤠🤠🤠🤠#i am LIVING taelon ;___;#redacted asmr

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teasandcardigans · 2 years

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i'm appealing to the masses with the shaw pack + mates were in a group chat what are their usernames?

#redacted asmr #redacted tag #redacted #redacted davey #redacted milo #redacted asher

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messenger-of-stupidity · 8 months

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Lazy Taglist SignUp ~ Closed

Im making another Shaw mates group chat post.

Interact with this if you want to be tagged.

#messenger of taglists #redacted shaw pack #redacted shaw pack mates #shaw pack mates group chat #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted angel #redacted sweetheart #redacted baabe #redacted sam

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messenger-of-stupidity · 8 months

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Roll for Persuasion

I'm back with more Shaw Mates group chats. And it's still literally nothing but crack. Enjoy!

CW: GN Listener characters (any gendered terms are purely used for the meme and should not be taken seriously), Cursing, Crack, Kind of suggestive because Angel can't stop

<< Previous -- Redacted Masterlist -- Next >>

Summary: Angel needs to be jailed, Baabe is an accomplice, Sweetheart has a masterplan, and Sam is barely surviving in this.

Taglist: @wib-was-here @4letteraroace @moon0o

Angel: i learned smthn togay

Baabe: to gay or not to gay that is the question.

Sweetheart: Is this an actually valuable lesson or do I need to call the morgue to prepare for your body to come in

Angel: ...

Angel: n e wayz

Angel: i learned that daveys bag is in fact not waterproof

Sweetheart: Oh my god what did you do

Baabe: howd you find out?

Angel: i spilled water in it

Baabe: water in his valentino white bag?! WAGAOUWAH

Angel: mm doesnt hit the same

Baabe: no it really doesnt.

Sweetheart: Youre fucked

Angel: ah ha ha chad lip bite

Sam: Put it in the dryer?

Angel: ...

Angel: oh

Baabe: i just banged my ankle.

Angel: oh my god why did u do that

Baabe: IM GONNA CHOKE YOU! IT WASNT ON PURPOSE

Angel: ehrfiuerhfr i just dont know why youd want to fuck your ankle

Baabe: i banged it against a cabinet corner! i bruised it. it hurt. i did not fuck my ankle whats wrong with you?

Angel: must be the lack of oxygen

Sweetheart: I just went through the drivethru like twelve times and left each time because i didnt want to talk to people

Baabe: omg thats so asher coded of you.

Sam: I promise it will be okay. You'll even get food.

Angel: you were comin and goin

Angel: kum and go

Angel: ejaculate and evacuate

Baabe: i hope you know that jesus sleeps in your hair every night.

Sweetheart: Peanut butter is an ointment fight me

Baabe: i want proof.

Sweetheart: Its thick and can be used as a protective coating

Angel: you know what else is thick and can be used as a protective coating

Angel: daveys

Sam: That's enough internet for Angel.

Sam: Lirc?

Sweetheart: If I remember correctly

Sam: What's that?

Baabe: acronym for iirc.

Sam: What's iirc?

Angel: if i remember correctly

Sam: Remember what?

Sweetheart: I am fearing for my life

Sam: Why?

Sweetheart: Im home alone and theres a single slice of cheese on the counter

Sweetheart: Just lying there

Sam: Oh dear?

Sweetheart: I DIDNT PUT THAT THERE AND AGGRO SURE AS HELL DIDNT

Angel: were in your walls

Baabe: feed us the cheese

Baabe: we crave it

Angel: c h e e s e

Angel: what uni did yall go to

Baabe: stanford. worst years of my life

Sweetheart: DAMN

Sam: Same as Sweetheart.

Sam: What about you, Angel?

Angel: i went to ugh

Sam: I don't recognize that acronym.

Baabe: AHHAHAHHAHAHA

Angel: university of giving head

Sam: Goodbye.

Angel: CATSUP BLAST

Sweetheart: This is why we need to destroy capitalism

Baabe: CATSUP BLAST

Sam: What the hell is Catsup Blast?

Angel:

Baabe:

Sweetheart: Unrelated but Im seeing a lot of 6 x Gabriel stuff

Baabe: not surprised.

Sam: Is this that "old man yaoi" Angel keeps talking about?

Angel: KAHFDSGHHJ

Sweetheart: Sometimes self care is watch an hour and a half video about the JFK assassination

Baabe: you might benefit from some therapy.

Sweetheart: Homestuck is for true warriors. Those who have been heartbroken so many time they dont know how to feel or see anymore. Homestuck is for those who have experienced true pain yet still push through knowing no matter how much they face Homestuck is by their side supporting them. Homestuck is the reason for so many differences in the world and is the reason outcasts and popular kids have one thing in common. Homestuck is for those who dont feel emotions as theyve lost the ability to feel them years ago when that flame died out because of childhood issues and now the only thing they have left to bring them the tiniest bit of inspiration is Homestuck. Homestuck is for kids that have no where to turn to, teens who are on the brink of killing off their family, and for adults who have lost complete control of their lives. Homestuck is badass. Homestuck has caused many wars and won all of them, Homestuck has no barriers and does not abide to any man nor woman nor god, homestuck is above god itself. Homestuck doesnt even have a concept of god inside its intellectual brain because it knows its the reason for every good, bad, and neutral thing to happen to mankind and thats what matters. Homestuck could be legally clarified as a bible. Homestuck is for the fainthearted and isnt for the sensitive types or the crybabies. Its for true motherfuckers who know where they are in life and what the fuck theyre doing with themselves. Of course you think its cringe but maybe youre just projecting onto the homestuck because you have never felt such power or control over your own life and need to belittle those who have something greater than power. They have homestuck. Homestuck fans are the type to find your exact location and multiple different closed off social medias because you dont have the same opinion as them. I suggest next time you know your place and keep your mouth shut. Homestuck isnt cringe and isnt for weak nerds like you

Baabe: fuck you im not reading all that.

Angel: all i asked was if you wanted pesto on your pasta or marinara omg calm down

Sam: What is Homestuck?

Baabe: i havent cleaned my kitchen for a month blegh

Sweetheart: If it isnt gross I think youre fine but if it is then clean your damn kitchen

Angel: HOLY SHIT a month??

Baabe: yeah theres twelve of them.

Angel: *leans on expensive buffalo* heyyy

Angel: *bugatti

Baabe: nope youve sealed your fate.

Sweetheart: Im gonna cook your buffalo.

Angel: LEVAE HERBERT ALONE

Sam: I'm done.

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted verse #redacted shaw pack #redacted shaw pack mates #redacted shaw pack mates group chat #redacted sam #redacted angel #redacted sweetheart #redacted baabe #redacted baaabe

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messenger-of-stupidity · 1 year

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Soup is for nerds

WOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE DONE ONE OF THESE!!

Welcome back to the Shaw Pack Mates Super top secret and totally unknown by anyone outside of the group groupchat. (Name trademarked by Angel.)

Whether these are real conversations I’ve overheard/seen/partaken in or not is entirely unknown and shall stay that way.

CW: Crack, Angel needs to learn what boundaries are but not in a toxic way, Sam is asking for a god to save him he’s not picky on which god he’ll even rely on science it doesn’t even need to be religious, Sweetheart please for the love of the universe put the cat down, Baabe why are you just sitting there laughing?

Actual CW: Crack, mentions to others being sneaky link/hoes/sluts but in a friendly platonic way, GN listeners. Any reference to gendered terms is purely for the memes and not to be taken seriously.

<-- Previous _______ Next -->

Redacted Masterlist

Angel: im so disappointed in u all

Sam: Oh dear. What’s upset you now?

Angel: is that lip im hearing

Baabe: if my boss finds out im on my phone right now im so dead. so whats wrong bb?

Sweetheart: Tracking down a covert breaker. Cant talk rn.

Sam: Now I’m actually concerned. Is this genuine, or is Angel being Angel again?

Angel: not one of u said ‘congrats on ur nuptials’

Sam: I wasn’t aware anyone called marriage nuptials anymore, but also if I’m not mistaken you two have yet to have your wedding since you both are still planning it?

Baabe: CONGRATS ON YOUR NUPTIALS YOU SILLY GOOSE

Angel: this is why im marrying with baabe

Baabe: LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

Angel: ooooooo teeaaaaa

Sweetheart: That’s what he said.

Sam: I think one day I will gather the strength to leave this groupchat.

Angel: oh ill just add u back and then kidnap u to drag u to my basement so u cant ever try to leave me again

Sam: Angel what the fuck.

Angel: HE DIDNT USE A COMMA IM THE REAL WINNER HERE

Baabe: to defeat the huns~

Angel: im so upset rn its not even funny like i cant live laugh love under these conditions

Baabe: aweeee what’s wrong bby?

Sam: Is there something I could do to help? I will if I can.

Angel: hang on i gotta wait for sweetheart to respond so i can get all the attention necessary

Sweetheart: Sorry I was just filming a tiktok with Aggro. Whats up

Angel: perfect all my three hoes are here

Sam: I resent being called that, but I also recognize my powerlessness in getting you to change it, so continue.

Angel: do yall even have any clue how expensive it is to buy a mcdonalds bouncy house

Sweetheart: Why are you trying to buy a bouncy house

Baabe: ngl i’m kinda curious about that too

Angel: well i could just buy it because ur bitch is rich rich but i share a joint account with my mega alpha gigachad of a finance so i cant buy it without him noticing but i wanna keep it a surprise so theres just a bouncy house in our backyard when he comes home

Sam: Don’t you mean your ‘fiance’?

Angel: no i mean finance im just with davey for his money but my real loves is my three hoes in this gc

Sweetheart: Youre so romantic Angel

Baabe: ikr? like just marry me already

Angel: anyways this is my way of asking u to buy me a bouncy house who wants the privilege

Angel: DONT JUST LEAVE ME ON READ YOU SLUTS

Angel: SOS

Baabe: whats wrong sneaky link?

Sam: Once again, I am confused whether or not this is a serious thing or Angel is playing up the dramatics again.

Sweetheart: I can send you a picture of my son if that will help

Angel: yes pls i miss my baby boy Angel: and also were out of sugary cereal and davey is making me eat his yucky worm food

Sweetheart: WHY DID YOU WRITE SOS? THIS IS A 911 EMERGENCY!

Baabe: dw bb i got u. just ask him why hes giving you his dog food.

Angel: oooo good idea hell take it away then and tell me to just starve and give me the chance to naruto run to sams house for breaky

Sam: Now hold on just a minute. I don’t recommend doing that Angel, also I don’t need to eat food and Darlin isn’t here for me to have any reason to make breakfast. I think you’ll survive a morning without your cereal.

Angel: YALL HE THREW A PLASTIC SPOON AT ME HALP

Baabe: MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Sweetheart: rip

Angel: You’re next. - David

Baabe: oh fuck

Sweetheart: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Sam: rip

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted shaw pack #redacted mates group chat #redacted mates #redacted david #redacted angel #redacted baabe #redacted asher #redacted milo #redacted sweetheart #redacted sam #redacted darlin #redacted darling #redacted shaw pack mates

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messenger-of-stupidity · 11 months

Text

I’m gonna build an army.

ANYWAYS

WHO WANTS ANOTHER PACK MATES GROUP CHAT POST THING? IM BORED AS HELL BUT I WANNA MAKE CONTENT PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN

-no this isnt you signing up for me to tag you in all the pack mates group chat posts i make. if u want me to u gonna have to say-

#messy rambles #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted shaw pack #redacted mates group chat

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frog-0n-a-l0g · 7 months

Text

✨Mommy meridian go away😘✨

Making an intro so I can keep track of my shit💅

Hi my name is Elliot or I go by frog bc of my user

I use he/him and am very trans and very gay

Asks are open for p much anything

Open to requests for my redacted text posts

Open to Fic suggestions for me to write

Also I don’t do thoes long “tag some more ppl and get them to do it!” Posts cause I feel like that would take a long time to scroll and it’s clunky. Nothing against the ppl and I’m not ignoring you just saving the sight😘

—————

NO NO’S🤢❌❌

Homophobia

Transphobia

Racism

Proshippers

(Pretty much just don’t be weird or an asshole or I’ll cry)

✨FANDOMS✨

Redacted audio

Yuurivoice

Castle Audios

Good boy audios

Reverie audios

Eris serenity

Obsidian lantern

Penncil kid

Nomads tales and audios

Escaped audios

Samawry the bard

———————-

What I do🔥🔥🔥

I normally just post random headcannons or thoughts and I mainly post redacted audio stuff. My posts are mostly tame but can be a lil thirsty 💀

tags:

Mates gc w Sam: #✨the wild west🤠✨

Mates gc w darlin: #bad decisions HQ

Wolf trio gc: #shaw packs baddest💪🏻💅

Damn squad: #🍃🔥avatars💨💅

All text related hc: #frogs group chats

My cat aggro: #my cat aggro

Redacted oc: #frogs felix reed

School rants: #frogs school shit

Ngl I made this so I could tell if I was repeating content, and this was made way later than it probably should’ve been but OH WELL😘

If I should add anything let me know

#blog intro #intro post

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messenger-of-stupidity · 1 year

Note

Hii how are you? I was wondering if you could make a fic where the pack boys and the mates aknowledge the circumstances of Sam's turning, and they all become istantly protective over him and show him solidarity.

By the way I love your work :)

I'm okay! A bit sore and really tired lol. And that sounds so wholesome!! (Please pardon any mistakes, I'm on my phone rn lol) also thank you so much! That actually means a lot 😊

---

Darlin stared at David, chewing on the inside of their cheek. The alpha in question was staring at the ground as he thought. Normally Darlin wouldn't have let the silence go on as long as it had with someone they couldn't get a read on, but this was important. Plus David took longer to consider the facts than Darlin did, and it had taken them a few days to really grasp the meaning of it.

"So that's your reasoning why you want to make sure Alexis doesn't even come close to our territory?" David asked slowly. Carefully. Darlin nodded and forced their hands to relax in their lap. They didn't look away as David met their gaze. He sighed softly and ran a hand over his face, and it took more focus to relax their body. "I can try, but I'm not having another Quinn incident. But maybe I can talk to William. Does Sam know you told me?"

That had been an interesting conversation. Sam had said that if he was being adopted into the pack because Darlin and him were mates, David should probably know. Darlin had to mention that secrets were difficult to keep, but the conversation had kind of faded off as Darlin remembered their return to Dahlia not being as quiet as they hoped. But Sam had assured them that if David told someone it was for a good reason. It was Sam's story to share and consent to sharing, so for once the stubborn shifter didn't put up much of a fight.

They nodded before standing up, grabbing their coat as they did. "Yeah. He also said he trusts you to share it as necessary." They added before walking away. They probably shouldn't feel relief at being able to get away from the intimidating presence that was David Shaw and their alpha, but stepping outside into the cold air helped with that. They grabbed their phone to send an update to their mate.

---

David sat down on the couch, adjusting to lay his head in Angel's lap. They glanced down at him for a second before their eyes quickly returned to the screen in front of them. If David had to hear Kratos say 'boy' one more time, he was going to fucking lose it. Bad enough that Angel was copying the speaking mannerisms of Atreus because, and he quotes, 'You kinda speak like Kratos, Davey. All grumbly and only when necessary.'

"What's wrong Davey?" Angel asked, skipping past the story that Mimir was trying to share. They were speedrunnning the prequel to Ragnarok before actually playing it. Davey glanced toward the TV, letting the graphics distract him for a moment before answering.

"What do you know about how vampires become a vampire?" He asked. He got what he was expecting, something similar to the Hollywood bullshit. Which probably meant turning wasn't discussed in the "super secret" mates group chat. Considering the circumstances, he wasn't surprised. "Not quite. Can you pause the game for a second, Angel? This is important." David was far from a teacher, but he gave the lecture of how turning occurred from his own knowledge to his mate. Angel nodded by the end of it, fiddling with the controller in their hands.

"Okay. So what about it?" They asked. David didn't even hesitate. Sam was friends with Angel and trusted David to share it. And keeping secrets from his mate wasn't something he was strongly in the habit of. He didn't go too much into detail like Darlin had when telling him, since it was Sam's choice to share what he wanted, but he gave the basic rundown. Angel sat there for a moment before a scowl darkened their features. "I'm about to beat someone's ass. Who was the mega bitch that did that to my Sammy?"

Ignoring the possessive phrasing... "Alexis Solaire. Apparently the first known progeny of William." He answered as he sat up. Angel set down the controller as they turned to face the window. David watched with a raised eyebrow at the force choke they sent towards the glass pane.

"Squish her head like a grape at a three year olds birthday." His mate muttered.

---

David let his beta know as well, already running under the assumption that Asher would tell his mate. Asher had a more mature reaction than Angel, instead setting his jaw and nodding. He would need Asher's help with keeping Alexis away from their borders anyways.

"Hey David? Is there something the Department can do about it?" Asher asked as David sat at his desk. David looked up and shook his head.

"Maybe if Sam had been uninformed and unempowered. But he wasn't and this was over a decade ago. There's not really anything else DUMP can do, unfortunately." He said. It warmed his heart the way that his beta was trying to find some kind of solution. But that wasn't the way the world worked all of the time. Asher growled to himself and started to pace.

"There has to be something. That's really fucked up, and Sam is an awesome guy." David rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair with a soft grunt of agreement.

"Yeah. But DUMP is more focused on protecting the unempowered from us. Remember the information about that bridging incident at DAMN? DUMP didn't do much about that either." It was kind of different considering the limits in jurisdiction, but while the Department complained about covert breaches and keeping information close to the vest, good people were getting hurt. David didn't like it either, but that's just how it went sometimes.

"Does Milo and Stealth know? They both know more about the inner workings of the Department than you and me." Asher suggested. David shook his head.

"It's you and I, Ash. Not you and me. Anyways, the only ones that know are Tank, Angel, me, and you and your mate. That's it. I'm sure vamps within Sam's clan know too, but I'm not going to just assume, nor ask." David corrected. "But you can tell Milo and his mate if you want, just make sure they know that this doesn't get shared, okay? If they come up with an idea, we can bring it up with Sam and William." Asher was already on his phone before David was finished talking.

---

"I can't really find much of a trace of any report. Just some information about the Solaire clan gaining a member." Sweetheart said into the phone as they scrolled through information on the computer screen. They heard Milo sigh.

"I guess that makes some sense. It don't exactly seem like the kinda thing someone would wanna talk about a billion times during reporting." Milo said. Sweetheart stood up from their desk and grabbed their bag, heading out of their office.

"That's true. But I also might be restricted since my team doesn't really focus on vampiric incidents unless it becomes a bigger risk. There aren't any reports of Alexis doing the same thing to someone else, so it was likely labeled as a one time situation and pushed under the rug if it was reported in full." They could hear Milo huff and they clicked their tongue as they waved to the receptionist and exited the building. This certainly wouldn't endear their career to their mate any further, but it was the truth. And Sweetheart didn't have the authority to open a cold case like Sam's to their higher ups.

"Well I guess the best we can do is just show Sam that he ain't alone. As much as I wanna do more. Apparently William agreed to invoke Alexis to keep her away from our territory so that's somethin." Sweetheart nodded in agreement to Milo's words as they started up their car.

"I'll be home soon. I love you."

"Love ya too, Sweetheart."

---

"Are you sure that your alpha won't mind me being here, Darlin?" Sam asked, his hands in his pockets. Darlin shook their head. It was Sam's first casual pack meeting he was going to, but Darlin was sure that it would be fine. Did they accidentally forget to mention that Sam would be there to David? Yes. But it was fine, right?

Sam held open the door for them but before they could walk in, Angel popped out. Their face lit up when they saw Sam.

"You're here! Can I hug you?" They asked. Sam glanced at Darlin, surprised confusion in his eyes. Angel was more of the type to just pounce on their friends and bear hug them. It took Sam by surprise the first time and he had stiffened. Angel had either not noticed or pretended not to.

"Uh yeah. Sure I guess." He answered. Darlin could hear the small tinge of relief in his voice and watched quietly as Angel hugged Sam with a grin.

"Come on, I'm showing Davey how to put on cosplay makeup." Sam and Darlin entered after Angel and Darlin's gaze immediately went to David. He looked absolutely miserable as Angel returned to David.

The meeting continued how it usually did, but it didn't escape Sam's notice how the mates and their respective shifters treated him. It wasn't bad, and not a major change so everyone would notice. But he was asked more if they could touch him. It made the southern vampire glance over at his own shifter mate more than a few times, but Darlin always just responded with a small shrug.

The meeting winded down to an end earlier than usual as Sweetheart mentioned that 'Some of us have to be awake early for paperwork Mister Alpha sir!' It brought a chuckle out of everyone and Sam got up to leave, glancing at his watch. He still had a good chunk of time before the sky would start lightening in preparation for the sun to crest over the horizon. He missed watching them, but... Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Hey Sam? Can I talk to you about something?" A gentle voice said. He looked at the Stealth in front of him, Milo behind them. Darlin was talking to David about something, he wasn't going to pry, and he nodded his head. He followed the two out of the building, smiling gently at the curse that left Milo's mouth from the shock of the cold. Temperature didn't really have a strong effect on him anymore, but he could tell that there was a drastic difference between the warmth of the building and the cold night air from outside.

"Is this about how y'all are acting different?" Sam started. Stealth's hand moved in a side-to-side gesture as their lips twisted into an awkward smile.

"Kinda? I'm not exactly sure how to bring this up, so please pardon me if I fuck it up. But you're aware that Darlin told David some intel-" They were interrupted by Milo.

"Jesus Sweetheart, you don't gotta dance around." He said it lighthearted and earned an elbow from the investigator. "What we're tryna say is that David told Ash and me, therefore our mates by extension, y'know?" Sam nodded. He had assumed that, and he understood. "The only reason Sweetheart and myself were clued in was because Ash and David wanted to see if the Department could do anything about it." Milo added and Sam nodded again, slower this time.

"Unfortunately there's not much we can do, but I can help you file the magical equivalent of a restraining order against her if you want." Sweetheart added, their voice quiet. Sam thought about it for a moment.

"Why would you want to go through all that paperwork? I know it would be more than normal considering all the time that's passed." Sam said and he watched as the Stealth's gaze flickered towards the window. He followed the gaze and saw the remaining pack members inside, messing around.

"It's shitty what happened and I can't imagine how alone you must've felt. I just... we all just want to help you whatever way we can because you aren't alone anymore. We're here for you too, and any of us are at your disposal if you ever need something, Sam." The Stealth said as their gaze returned to Sam. He could feel a lump form in his throat and he swallowed around it, smiling instead.

"I appreciate that. I really do. But the extra work isn't necessary. If... if I ever change my mind, I'll make sure to send you a holler." Sam saw them nod before Darlin exited.

"They're loud and I'm tired, can we go now Sam?" They complained, eying Milo like the other shifter might try to stop Darlin from leaving. Milo laughed and held up his hands in mock surrender. Sam looked back towards the window, a laugh of his own bubbling up at the sight of Asher, his mate, and Angel pressing their faces against the glass as David rubbed his temples behind them.

Not alone anymore. He liked that.

"Yeah, we can go if you'd like Darlin."

---

I hope this lived up to expectations! I had a lot of fun writing it. Also I'm sorry it's kinda late lol

#redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted audio #redacted david #redacted angel #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redacted asher #redacted baabe #redacted babe #redacted fanfic #fanfic request #fluff #crack #angst

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