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hawkinsindiana · 3 years

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this changes things

ALMOST PARADISE: PART THREE - CHAPTER FOUR OF ELEVEN (!!)

pairing: steve harrington x henderson!reader

word count: 2.3k

a/n: we’re back to eleven chapters baby!!!! this one ended up being longer than i thought. i know i usually post on friday nights, but i couldn’t help but give you all a lil valentine’s day treat. pls enjoy!!!!

masterlist

Steve’s nervous.

It’s down to the wire; there's only a few short weeks left of his final high school semester. Four out of five college applications have been rejected. Each one received has fed the anxiety more and more.

Every day that passes without a lick of news from the remaining university has him reconsidering everything. His education. His career. His future.

The only thing Steve knows about his future is that he wants you in it, in whichever form that might be. You’re the constant. Without you, he’s afraid he’d eventually go back to being that person he was before. You make him want to be better. Trying to be worthy of you gives Steve purpose.

He imagined that getting a college education would help keep him on that path. It seems farther away with each rejection letter he receives.

Steve hasn’t told you that he hasn’t gotten into any so far. He’s afraid of disappointing you, especially after everything you’ve done for him.

The spring of ‘85 has been particularly unforgiving. It’s been storming all week - the air still hangs with that familiar smell of rain soaked concrete. You read that the Hawkins Post reported a record amount of rainfall; the local stream overflowed and flooded a few basements.

The mail is still damp when Steve retrieves it after practice. It sticks to his fingers as he shuffles through each envelope, drying his sneakers on the welcome mat.

And then his eyes linger on one addressed to him; Steve nearly drops his backpack when he sees who sent it.

Haphazardly, he tosses the rest of the mail onto the kitchen counter as he contemplates whether to even open the damn thing. Steve’s pretty sure he knows the answer. Is it an answer he wants?

Whatever the words inside this parcel read, it changes Steve’s life forever. His future is planned from the moment he breaks the seal - there would be no going back. Either he stays here in Hawkins, trapped by an education he neglected for far too long, or he gets to take a step to distance himself from this shitty town and prove his worth.

Steve isn’t a fan of the former option.

He wishes you were here to read it for him. He’d rather you tell him the news; hearing it come from your lips would make it easier.

By the time Steve decides to open it, a few minutes have passed. Why does this feel like the scariest thing he’s ever done?

Due to the water, some of the ink bled through the paper; pieces of the letter are illegible. But at the top, a familiar phrase answers his question: Unfortunately, we regret to inform you-

Steve curses, angrily throwing the envelope and its contents into the trash. He refuses to read anymore.

He has no one to blame but himself. Maybe that’s why he’s so angry. There were multiple opportunities for him to change course and put effort into his schoolwork. By the time he finally tried, it was too late.

Thunder booms in the distance once Steve parks his car beside your mother’s. He doesn’t remember deciding to come here; the only thing he can recall is grabbing the keys, without a destination in mind. His heart brought him to your warmth.

As Steve gets out of the car, he wonders if this was maybe a bad idea. It isn’t very often that he feels afraid to face you - he’s scared of your reaction, and the outcome that could follow.

He knew that he could love you, that he could fall just as hard as you did for him. But admitting it to himself, and then you - he doesn’t know if he has the strength to do it again. That phrase has left a sour taste in his mouth, one that Steve hopes he can wash away. Because you deserve to hear it too.

Maybe he’s closer to saying it than he thought, perhaps that’s why he’s so scared to tell you. Maybe-

“What the hell are you doin’ here?” Dustin’s voice startles Steve, who turns to see the boy walking his bike up the driveway. Steve fumbles his response, head spinning with thoughts about you, “I don’t, uh-”

Dustin interrupts him, not noticing the nerves Steve displays, “Hey, you should come in! It’s mac ‘n cheese night.”

Steve hangs his head in defeat, knowing that he’s going to follow your brother inside. He can’t say no to this kid.

Dustin hangs up his raincoat once the pair of them enter the house; the bell on Tews’ collar jingles as they run to greet the boys. The kitten weaves between Steve’s legs before he kneels down to give them a few pets.

“That you, Dusty?” Your mother calls from within; clattering silverware echoes from the kitchen. Steve chuckles at the nickname. Dustin punches him in the bicep.

He kicks off his shoes as he replies, “Hey Mom! Get out another bowl - look who I found loitering around.”

Steve scoffs, shoving Dustin as they walk forward through the threshold into the living room. Your mom moves to welcome them; her warm smile widens when she sees Steve by her son’s side, “Well look who it is! Steve, sweetheart, how are you?”

He’s baffled by her every time he shares a meal with your family. Her kind soul is infectious, and drastically different from the parents he was raised by. Steve tries not to think about the fact her beloved pet is secretly buried out back - he’s reminded of it whenever he sees her.

“I’m good, Mrs. Henderson. How are you?” Steve answers, returning her grin. She envelops him in a quick hug, “How many times am I going to have to tell you? Just call me Claudia, hon.”

Steve laughs along with her as he follows her to the kitchen, “I think you’ll need to remind me one more time.”

And then his eyes meet yours from across the room. They smile nearly as much as your lips at the sight of him; your heart flutters at this unexpected surprise.

When you catch onto the sadness in his expression, the corners of your mouth drop. It’s obvious to you that something’s wrong. Steve doesn’t usually stop by without an invitation; something must’ve happened.

Throughout dinner, you take mental notes on his deflated behavior. It’s subtle enough to fool your family, but you know him better. With each minute that passes, the more anxious you become to hear the cause. So when he volunteers to help you with the dishes, as he always does, you know it’s only a matter of time.

“How was practice?” You ask before drying off a cup. Steve takes it from your hand as he replies, “Uh, it was good. Although it’s annoying that we’re still practicing even though the season’s over.”

You hum in agreement as he places the glass on the shelf. Steve glances back at you briefly, “What about you? What’d you get up to?”

A beat passes - you’re looking for the words to describe your afternoon. Maybe not the words, but the courage. It’s only when he turns around, brow creased, do you answer him.

“I studied at Nancy’s,” You say. Steve’s eyes widen in surprise, “Oh yeah? How’d that go?”

You nod your head, focusing your gaze onto the floor, “It was nice, actually. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be.”

“Now when you say studying…” He trails off for a moment as he thinks, “You two didn’t… exchange notes about me or anything, did you?”

Steve’s growing smirk makes you laugh; you hit him playfully with the towel, “No! And I haven’t told her, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

A part of him can’t help but be relieved. There’s no limit to what you two could chat about.

“We just ended up talking about college most of the time,” You add, “She wanted to know some tips since she’ll be applying soon.”

Steve grabs a plate to dry; in order to try and quell his anxiety, he has to do something productive. But your mind recognizes it as a distraction - you’re no stranger to coping mechanisms.

“Have you figured out where you’re gonna go yet?” He questions, praying your answer isn’t far; lightning flashes outside the kitchen window, followed closely by the low rumble of thunder.

You sigh as you lean back against the counter, “I’m not sure. Nancy was helping me talk through my options earlier, but it’s such a big decision to make. I wanna make sure it’s the right fit.”

Steve nods slightly, forehead creasing as he wipes his hands on the towel. And by the way he clenches his jaw at your reply, you know that this is the source of contention.

You nudge his leg with your foot, “What about you? Get any responses back?”

The breath hitches in Steve’s throat; there’s no way this conversation doesn’t end with his reveal. The longer it takes for him to speak, the more concerned you grow.

“I, uh-“ A sigh passes his lips as he grips the counter, keeping his focus away from you. He doesn’t want to witness your reaction.

“I didn’t get in,” Steve mutters. He exhales, shaking his head in disbelief; until now, it almost didn’t seem real. It took admitting it to you for his brain to accept it.

You shift on your feet, unsure of what to say. Over the past few weeks, you and Steve had been discussing how your relationship would persist once you both had made your college commitments. This wasn’t an outcome either of you prepared for.

“Holy shit, Steve. I’m sorry…” You whisper. Steve pushes his face into his hands; his voice is muffled from behind his palms, “Yeah, yeah… holy shit.”

You don’t hesitate any more to comfort him. Steve straightens as you place your hands on his arms; he melts into your touch, unable to prevent you from turning his body to face yours.

“Hey, it’ll be fine,” You reassure him, “College isn’t the only option, you know. There are other things you could do.”

The expression on Steve’s face breaks your heart. You’d do anything to wipe it away and brighten his mood. But Steve just sighs again, appreciating your efforts to help him, but nothing seems to be working.

“How’d your parents react?” You ask. The only thing keeping Steve grounded to this moment is the firm grip you have on his shoulders; he thinks he’d float away without it.

He scoffs a bit; the sound breaks the deafening silence that formed as he thought of a response. His eyes are still focused downwards as he finally answers you, “They don’t know yet. I just got the last letter today. I couldn’t think of going anywhere else.”

When your fingers brush against his cheek, Steve instinctively moves his hands to rest on your waist, “I’m sorry, I just-”

Steve finally lifts his head. Your eyes are wide, pupils filled to the brim with nothing but your fondness for him. All of a sudden, he’s confused why he was so scared to tell you. He realizes that he never should’ve doubted you.

“I was scared this would change things. Or that you’d be disappointed in me or some shit.”

Your brow furrows as you laugh softly - baffled by his words, “What could ever make you think that I’d be disappointed in you?”

A flash of previous memories answers your own question. You decide not to pull on that thread anymore.

“This changes things,” You mutter. Your eyeline drops as you pause, choosing your words carefully before continuing, “But it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Finally, Steve feels a bit of relief. The sincerity in your voice calms the fear, and a deep exhale allows him to let it go. Your compassion and understanding permits him to begin thinking clearly again. He knew there was a reason he came here.

You’re right though. This does change how you both navigate the future. But with you here to support him, Steve figures he’ll be just fine.

“I mean…” The corner of your mouth curls up at the thought that pops into your head, “The only way my opinion of you changes is if you killed my brother or something like that.”

Steve chuckles slightly, “But Mike’s still fair game?”

“Oh yeah, go ahead,” You quip, “He’s had it comin’ for a while.”

Even though your voices are hushed, the joke still makes you crack a pair of brilliant smiles; it almost makes Steve forget about his future for a moment. Standing here in your arms, Steve can’t help but realize how safe he feels.

And then you sigh, reaching up to brush back a lock of his brunette hair - the sensation of your touch fills Steve with something new, something different. A direct contrast to the violent storm brewing outside, this is soft, warm, and golden. Like daylight.

Your eyes meet again. Honestly, he’s not sure he ever wants to look at anything else.

Your hand lands on his chest, “This doesn’t make me love you any less.”

Steve throws caution to the wind - he kisses you. And already, you can tell that this is one you’ll remember. His lips are soft against yours, but without sacrificing an ounce of passion. You almost forget that someone could walk in and expose your relationship; when Steve finally pulls away, it doesn’t matter anyways.

As if you weren’t left breathless enough from his kiss, the words he mutters afterwards could’ve done it themselves.

With one of his trademark smirks plastered across his face, Steve moves to hold your head between his palms, “Fuck, I love you.”

You kiss him again so quickly that you both didn’t have enough time to wipe the twinkling grins from your lips. Your noses are squished against each other, but neither of you cares enough. Your shared love dulls the pain.

Steve smiles into the kiss even further. This is what it’s supposed to feel like.

— taglist: @djjarin / @hannarudick / @crazycookiecrumbles / @hellisateenageheather / @alewifex / @l0ve-0f-my-life / @naomiiiiiiiiiii04 / @daddystevee / @thecaptainsgingersnap / @let-the-imaginationflow / @asianravenpuff / @im-a-stranger-thing / @mikariell95 / @pilunb / @harringtherin / @royalestrellas / @ultrunning / @buggs177 / @poutfull / @yoheyyosup / @duchessdaisybat / @janieavalos / @sassisaluxury / @beththebubbly / @i-bitch-you-bitch / @captainstilinskis / @juliebean247 / @im-nada / @whatabeautifulsurrender / @rexorangecouny / @pass-me-jeez-it / @ahoy-scoops-troop / @halefirewarrior / @jointhehunt67 / @peanutem / @ketchuplukehemmo / @m-a-r-i-n-t-p / @fangirl485 / @emmegirl827 / @lookalivesunshine-x / @elite4cekalyma / @marjoherbo / @just-my-fandom / @idumpyourgrass / @alafolieee / @mochminnie / @phantomalchemist / @dustyblueboo / @alonewolfsblog / @ggclarissa / @hufflepuffing-all-day-long / @bippityboppitybabe / @readinthegarden12 / @bakugouishusbando / @stxtch72 / @random-girl-army / @wisdaemon / @thatawkwardlittlefangirl

if you want be added to the taglist, just lemme know!

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x henderson!reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington imagine #st fic #st imagine #steve harrington x you #my writing #almost paradise

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notquitetwilight · 3 years

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THE CULLANOS: A TASTE OF BOSTON, PART TWO

The Cullanos continue taking care of business in Boston. Warning: this story contains graphic violence and sexual references (no smut, just truly cursed references). Previous instalment

Esme breathed shakily as she walked hand-in-hand with her husband past brownstone after brownstone. The street was deserted; it was just the two of them and the parked cars that lined their path. Her thoughts seemed to scream louder in the silence as she mentally willed that the daughter they left behind would be safe.

“S’like Brooklyn down here,” Carlisle said absentmindedly, keeping his voice low. When she didn’t answer, he looked at her, suddenly noticing her unease. “What’s the matta, baby?”

“I think…” she trailed off, unsure. She wasn’t used to being nervous. But she couldn’t shake the image of Rosalie’s wide eyes right before she had left her in the car. They were the same shade of blue as Carlisle’s, the type that seemed cold and piercing when narrowed, but inviting enough to swim in when widened. Though she’d never have admitted it, Esme knew she was afraid. And that made her afraid.

“I’m not sure we should’ve brought her.”

He frowned. “Rosie?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, our other child we were recently reunited with. Who else?”

“She wanted to come,” he said, raising a shoulder.

“So? If she said she wanted to do crack, would you let her?”

“Depends on whether or not she’d share,” he grinned.

“Carl, I’m serious,” she said, her voice cracking a little, which surprised both of them.

He squeezed her hand. “She’s a smart girl, Ezzie. She knows the drill.”

“Still, if somethin’ goes wrong—“

“It won’t.”

“If it does, I don’t…” she stopped in her tracks, feeling like she couldn’t take in air as quickly as her body needed her to. She closed her eyes as she tried to level her breathing. “If somethin’ were to happen to her, I don’t know what I’d do. I’d never forgive myself. Or you.”

She opened her eyes to find him looking a little wounded. “I thought this was what you wanted. Her here, with us.”

“It is,” she said, starting to walk again. “But all this is also why we gave her up in the first place, right?”

He groaned quietly. “Not this again.”

That infuriated her. She let go of his hand and made a great effort to keep the volume of her voice low in her response. “I’m sorry, is my fear for our daughter’s safety inconveniencin’ you?”

“I can’t keep doin’ this,” he said with a sigh. “Over and over, I keep tryin’ to make you happy, and over and over, I feel like I’m failin’. Because I don’t know what you want. Because you don’t know what you want.” He spoke so calmly, so matter-of-factly, without a hint of malice. She balked at him.

“What?” was all she managed.

“You want me, but you don’t want me. So I try move on. Twice. When ya do want me, I’m there in a heartbeat. You want our daughter, but you don’t want our daughter, so I give up my chance to be a dad to her. But then you do want her, but only from a distance, so we torture ourselves watchin’ other people raise her. Then you want her, fully want her, so I bring her back to us, and ever since I did you’ve been sayin’ maybe we shoulda left her as she was. I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I can’t make you happy no matta what. Maybe you were right, all those times ya said family life wasn’t for you. Ya seem a lot less happy since we became one.”

She gritted her teeth and glared up at him, ready to risk their cover in screaming at him. Yet her anger dissolved immediately upon seeing his face. He looked…sad. Truly, hopelessly sad, the type that usually only came with grief. Only she was allowed to see him this vulnerable, and only she had seen him wear this same expression just twice before: the day of his mother’s funeral, and the day they gave Rose up.

She had never considered how all of it might have looked to him, how what she said or did could be misinterpreted. She just assumed he knew where her head was at, because she always knew where his was at. But it suddenly occurred to her that she knew everything he thought because he spoke everything he thought to her. He knew her well, better than anyone else did, but he wasn’t a mind-reader. And while she believed herself to be a relatively good communicator, she knew she was nowhere near as good as him.

“There it is,” he muttered, interrupting her thoughts. He came to a halt and nodded to the dark grey brownstone a little ahead of them, the last on the street.

She frowned. “That’s...their house?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s attached to other buildin’s,” she said flatly.

“Guess that’s what silencers are for.”

He started for the Ivanov residence while rooting in one of his pockets, but she pulled at his arm. “Carl.”

He let her grip lead him to face her, but he looked at his feet, kicking the ground.

“Look at me,” she said softly. His head stayed down and his forehead remained creased.

“Baby?” she tried. He raised his head to meet her eyes then, and she couldn’t help but smile with relief. He was usually the one for terms of endearment, so the rare times she used them, she got his full attention.

“I’m not...less happy,” she started, unsure of how to explain herself.

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“I am sure! Give me a chance. I’m much more happy, one hundred per cent. But I’m also much more worried. And maybe that’s what looks bad. Maybe I’m not handlin’ it right, I dunno. But I’m not used to bein’ worried. I’m not used to bein’...scared. And I am, Carl. For the first time in my life, I’m fuckin’ terrified. Almost 24/7.”

The line between his eyebrows deepened. “I don’t get it,” he shook his head the slightest bit. “Why? You’ve never been the anxious type.”

“That’s what I’m tryin’ to say,” she gripped onto his forearms and gently shook them. “I’ve never been scared because I only had myself to worry about. And I didn’t care what happened to me, or what kinda shit I got myself into. The money and the good time was worth it. Everything was carefree and I didn’t wanna be tied down. But it got to the point where I wasn’t...happy anymore. I think that’s where the Charles thing came from. You got married for the first time and I hated it. And it was my own fault, because I said no to you, but it was only when I saw what you had without me that I realised I wanted that, too. So I married that asshole and then that went to shit. Had me kinda believin’ I wasn’t meant to have that family life. And then it was back to square one; you askin’ me to marry you, me sayin’ no, you gettin’ married to someone else and me hatin’ it again.

“But I just continued doin’ what I wanted, not carin’, until that day she walked in on us in the kitchen. I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone the way I hated her that day. It was like, all of a sudden I realised that even though you were mine, you were officially hers on paper. She was the wife, I was the goomar. And I fuckin’ hated it and I fuckin’ hated her and I wanted it to just be fuckin’ done with already. And then she was dead and you were askin’ me to marry you again and it felt so right to finally fuckin’ say yes. And I think I started to feel a little bit like the stakes were higher after we made it official, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it is now. Not as bad as it’s been since Rosie came. We worked so hard for her to trust us, for her to want to stay with us. And now the three of us are finally together as a proper family. It might not be a ‘Brady Bunch’ scenario, but it’s us. It’s like, the last piece of the puzzle finally clicked into place, and now I’m waitin’ for it to fall apart. So you’re right, I’ve never been the anxious type. But I never had anything to lose. Now I do — I have everything to lose. And I don’t know what I’d do if I lost it.”

He wiped away a tear she hadn’t noticed rolling down her cheek and pulled her into him. She gasped for breath after rambling for so long. “Why didn’t you say?” he mumbled against her hairline, then kissed the top of her forehead.

“I dunno. Maybe I thought you knew already. Or maybe I didn’t wanna sound stupid.” She sighed and fully leaned into him, her cheek against his chest. This way, she was facing the Ivanov house, and it registered with her that there was the tiniest sliver of light visible through a gap in one window’s heavy curtains.

“That doesn’t sound stupid at all,” he stroked the back of her head. “It’s a relief, actually. I thought maybe you were gettin’ bored of it all. Of us.”

“Never,” she said, tearing her eyes away from the house so she could lift her head to look at him. “You’re my person, forever.”

“And she’s our person, that we made,” he smiled. “Isn’t that fuckin’ crazy, when ya think about it?”

“But isn’t that— doesn’t that make you scared? I’ve seen how much you adore her. Why aren’t you worried, like me?”

“I just...trust in my gut. And my gut says none of us are dyin’ for a long, long time.”

“That’s it?” she asked without snark. She was genuinely fascinated by his complete lack of concern for their safety.

“Yeah. I have faith in us. We’re not dumb, we’re not new to this, we’re good both as individuals and as a team. And like you said, there’s more to lose now, so there’s more to fight for. Think of how unstoppable you were when you didn’t give a shit. Can you imagine anyone bein’ able to stop you now that you do?”

“Guess not,” she said, feeling a smile growing across her face. She was still worried, but she felt much better. There was a lot of sense in what he said. His words did their job in comforting her, as they often did.

“I love you,” she said, pulling at his neck to bring his face down to hers. “You always know the right thing to say.”

She kissed him then, slowly and expressively at first. But she quickly began to lose herself in it, and her fingers found themselves running through his hair. He let out a soft groan before pulling away and grinning at her.

“Later, baby. We have a job to do.” He glanced at his Rolex and his face dropped. “Shit. We’re a lil’ behind schedule. Alice’ll be waitin’.”

She nodded and pointed at the house as the two of them began walking again. “Someone’s up, too.”

He squinted at the window as they both rooted around in their pockets for their earpieces. They stopped a little short of the brownstone as they put them in.

“You ready?” he whispered, taking her hand again and bringing it to his lips to kiss it.

She nodded once more, and the two of them turned on their earpieces.

“About tiiiiiiiiiiiime,” Alice sang the second they were connected. “You’re late. By five minutes!”

“A queen is never late,” Esme said, her speaking volume lower than Carlisle’s whisper had been. “Everyone else is simply early.”

“Did Madame Mafia just quote ‘the Princess Diaries’ to me?” Alice asked with mock shock.

Carlisle tilted his head and raised his brows.

“Rose showed it to me last weekend,” Esme answered defensively. “We were...bondin’.”

He smirked and turned away from her, eyeing up the house in front of them. “Okay Alice, how’re we doin’?”

“Strangely, no guards — not on the property, anyway. That’s not like them at all. I partly wondered if they were hanging around the area and you ran into a few, because you were late, but I guess not since you’re alive and calm. As for the Ivanovs themselves, two are home: Katarina and Garrett. I have eyes everywhere except the bathrooms, so unless the rest of the family and an army of cronies are hiding in showers, this should be pretty easy.”

The words were like music to Esme’s ears. Her shoulders immediately relaxed, and she finally began to feel excited. She beamed at Carlisle, who gave her a knowing smile and mouthed “see?” in return.

“That’s what I like to hear, Al,” he said. “And you’ll be able to shut their camera system down once we’re out?”

“Of course. Once you’re out and alive, it’s gone.”

“Great. So, they’re still up?”

“Unfortunately,” Alice groaned.

“Don’t worry about us Al, that makes it more fun.”

“I wasn’t saying ‘unfortunately’ because I don’t think you can handle them. I was saying ‘unfortunately’ because over the past half hour, I’ve seen some shit. And that’s saying a lot, considering I work for you two.”

Esme and Carlisle exchanged a look, the pair of them frowning.

“What do you mean?” she asked her.

“I mean I want a raise,” Alice grumbled, causing Carlisle to break into another smile.

“Ahh...they’re in a bedroom?”

“That idea, yes. But wrong room. The living room’s where you’re heading for. Second floor. The ground floor is more like an empty hall, kinda like those malls that don’t really start ‘til you go up the escalator. There’s an elevator, but obviously that’ll make noise, so you should take the stairs.”

“That’a girl. Did you see if they’re armed?”

“As far as I can tell, no. There’s a shit tonne of guns and what appear to be Molotov cocktails in the bedrooms, so don’t give them a chance to go running. I can’t see any weapons in the living room. But I mean you guys know, the likelihood that they’ve got something concealed somewhere — either in the room or on them — is 50/50.”

“Yeah, true. Thanks. I guess that’s our cue.”

“Alrighty. Good luck! I’ll be right here in your ears the whole time.”

The pair of them readied their weapons and clinked the tip of their guns together in salute as they always did.

“Ladies first,” he smiled at her, and he let her lead the way.

Back in the car, Rosalie leaned into her headrest after checking her timer for the umpteenth time. She had set it the second the couple disappeared from view and found herself checking it every minute or so since. There was nothing else to do. She didn’t want to get distracted by her phone in case trouble was around. She couldn’t play music, because she neither wanted to attract attention nor miss anything she’d need to hear. All she could do was wait in the silence, and every second that ticked by felt like an hour.

She almost jumped out of her skin when her phone noisily vibrated on the dashboard. She grabbed it in a panic as though it was loud enough to wake the whole street, but once it was in her hand, she simply stared at it. Royce. Of course. She should’ve known her on-again off-again boyfriend would be the only person to ring her at this hour. She let it ring out, then shifted in her seat to make herself comfortable. The second she did, her phone began to vibrate again. With an eye roll, she brought it up to her ear.

She was immediately met with loud sounds that caused her to wince and pull the phone back slightly. A baseline thudded, so she knew he was out, but the sound was too distorted for her to tell if he was at a club or a party.

“Hello?” she asked, beginning to wonder whether the calls had been accidental. A muffled voice finally spoke, though it said nothing comprehensible.

“Royce, is that you? I can’t hear you,” she tried, keeping her voice low. She wasn’t going to up the volume she had maintained just because he called her from a loud place.

“ROSE!” Royce boomed from the other end of the phone, causing her to wince again. “Come...c’mere. M’over...s’funnn.”

The combination of the loud atmosphere, poor connection and slurred words made it difficult to understand.

“Royce, I don’t know what you’re saying. You know I’m not even in New York or Jersey right now, right? Remember I told you?”

“M’over...” he said again before saying something intelligible.

She was losing patience. “You’re drunk again, and I don’t know what you’re saying. I can’t talk right now, okay? I’ve gotta go.”

He started shouting incoherently. The only thing she made out before hanging up on him was the word ‘bitch’.

She inhaled deeply and checked the timer again. They’d been gone seventeen minutes and 48 seconds. Esme had said to leave after the forty minute mark. She shuddered at the idea of having to drive off without them, wondering whether or not she’d be able to do so if that’s what it came to. It was hard to imagine life beyond them now, though they’d only been connected for a little over a year. She stared out the windshield, biting the inside of her cheek, and felt her phone vibrate again.

Huffing, she thrust it up against her ear. “I said I can’t talk!” she hissed.

It was dead silent. There was none of the noise of the previous call. For a split second, she wondered if she had accidentally hung up.

“Rosalie?” asked a clear, deep voice after a beat.

She paused. “Yes?” she said in a small voice.

“Oh, it is you, thank god!” Relief flooded her as she recognised the voice as Emmett’s. “I was a lil’ confused for a second there. Thought maybe I dialled the wrong number.”

“Sorry Emmett. I— I thought you were somebody else.”

“No prahblem, no prahblem.”

“Is everything okay? If you’re calling me because you couldn’t reach the lovebirds, they’re not back yet.”

“No, no,” he said. “I just wanted to check in and say hi while the two ‘a them are gone. Y’know, just makin’ sure you’re holdin’ up okay on your first big job.”

“Thanks,” she said, a little bitterly.

He must’ve picked up on her tone, because there was another pause. “Uh, sorry to bother you.”

“I’m not pissed at you, I’m pissed at them for thinking I need to be checked up on. I told them I’d be fine.”

“Huh? Nobody asked me to. I just wanted to.”

“Oh,” she said awkwardly, but the corners of her mouth tugged up.

“Yeah. It’s just, I remember how scared I was on my first big job.”

“I’m not scared,” she insisted, back to frowning.

“No? Then you’re a braver soul than I am. I was scared shitless.”

“Really? Carlisle never said.”

“Because he doesn’t know,” Emmett laughed. She didn’t know a sound could be so warm. “I held it together pretty well. But when all was done, he dropped me off at the corner of my block, and I waited for his car to disappear before pukin’ my damn guts up all over the sidewalk.”

She was the one laughing then. She leaned her head against the window as a silence fell over them.

“Okay, maybe I am a little worried,” she said quietly. “Time seems to be dragging by. Esme told me to leave if they’re not back within forty minutes. I obviously don’t want to have to even think about doing that.”

“Of course, of course,” he said. “Honestly though, I’m sure she said it as a precaution, and they’ll be back to ya in no time. You haven’t seen your parents in action. Let’s just say I’m glad I work for them, because I’d hate to be against them.”

“Thanks,” she said again, more sincerely this time.

“And it’s okay to be scared. It’s completely normal. The people who are never scared— those are the mad bastahds you gotta watch out for. Because you gotta be batshit crazy to never know fear.”

“Carlisle’s never scared,” she smiled.

“Well, there ya go, see!” Rosalie could hear the smile in his voice, too. “Case in fuckin’ point!”

She found herself laughing again. It came so easily to her when she spoke to him.

“I better get goin’, letcha get back to it.”

“Okay,” she said. “And thanks, Emmett. I think that helped.”

“No prahblem,” he said again.

“Unless Esme and Carlisle did put you up to this, in which case, no it didn’t.”

“I swear’ta gahd, Rosie, neither of them even know. I had to get your number from Alice.”

Rosie. He had picked that up from Carlisle. It was strange how much she’d come to like a nickname she initially detested.

“‘Kay. Well, thanks again.”

“You have my number now, too,” he said, sounding suddenly serious. “I’ll be right here at the other end of the phone, anytime you need me, ahrite?”

“Does that include if in twenty-or-so minutes’ time I have to decide whether or not to leave my long-lost parents for dead?”

“You betcha.”

“Great!”

He laughed. “Take care, Rosie.”

“Bye, Emmett.”

She hung up the call and resisted the urge to check the timer just yet. A new-found calmness had come over her, and she wanted to bask in it a little while longer.

“Is she beating him to death?” Carlisle whispered up at his wife as she reached the top of the stairs to the Ivanov’s second floor. Alice had been right, they ran into no extra bodies on their way in. And though she was several states away, she had disarmed the entrance’s security with ease.

“No,” Alice answered with a sigh before Esme could. “I think that might actually have made for easier viewing.”

“Don’t be such a prude,” Carlisle quietly teased.

“I’ll have you know, this isn’t your average spank session,” Alice scolded.

“Well now I’m curious,” Esme said, straining to listen. “Is this somethin’ I’m gonna wanna take note of?”

“Ugh, knowing you, probably,” came the answer in her ear.

Esme looked back to smirk at Carlisle.

“Damn,” he muttered. “Shoulda brought a pen.”

“I’ll take mental notes,” she promised.

“And if that fails, you can use the notes my therapist will have taken after I’ve word-vomited all this to her while rocking back and forth,” Alice announced.

Carlisle took his place beside Esme at the top of the stairs and slipped an arm around her waist. The long hallway ahead of them was windowless, its red and gold-patterned wallpaper interrupted by the occasional closed door. Still, it was brightly lit by the two massive chandeliers that hung from its high ceiling. To their left was the unit for the elevator. Carlisle waved at the little CCTV camera above it, prompting a laugh from Alice. Behind them was another set of stairs that led to higher floors they wouldn’t see. The Persian carpet that stretched the length of the hall floor would come in handy to muffle their footsteps.

“Up ahead, the second door on the left is the kitchen,” Alice told them. “It’s got a pass-through and an open plan door to the living room, so be careful.”

“‘Kay,” was all Esme dared to respond as Carlisle let her go. She crept forward.

The pair of them silently edged along the wall, the voices from the living room growing louder as they got closer. Esme stopped at the kitchen door and brought her pistol up to her chest. The pair of them concentrated on the voices inside.

“Alright, swap,” Katarina said. “It’s my turn to rest.”

There were two thuds, and then her voice mingled with a man’s as both began chant-like muttering. Esme couldn’t make out what they were saying.

Carlisle tapped her on the shoulder. When she looked at him, he mouthed, “praying?” with a confused frown.

She paused to listen and confirm, then nodded. He was right, though it left her no less confused. The muttering stopped, and there was some shuffling of feet. The sounds of slapping and groaning resumed, but this time they could tell Katarina was the receiver.

She nudged him and put her gun-free hand on the door handle. With his nod of approval, she slowly pushed it down and opened the door at an acute angle.

“You’re all clear here,” Alice told her, but she gave a quick glance around it anyway to get her bearings. The kitchen was reasonably small for such a big house, and it looked as though it had been home to a frat party. Mess, clutter and countless empty bottles of Absolut Vodka littered every surface. The pass-through was a few feet ahead on her left.

Tip-toeing inside, she immediately grabbed her other gun so she had one in each hand. Both of them made their way to the side of the pass-through as Garrett was saying something about Christ. They hunkered down, then crawled under it, and shimmied out of their heavyweight coats as quietly as possible.

Esme was about to rise slightly up when Carlisle touched her arm. “Only shoot if you have to,” he mouthed slowly so she’d get every word.

The two of them rose and peeped through together. Esme had been right; Garrett was sat on a chair with Katarina bent over his legs as he repeatedly slapped her backside. Still, he mumbled about “the Lord” this and “Jesus” that. Esme looked at Carlisle quizzically.

“Feel the hand of God,” Garrett suddenly half-shouted in comparison to his previous volume. “Who has the most lovin’ hand of all, Kate?”

“God, through you,” Katarina answered him.

“What the fuck is this?” Carlisle breathed, just about audible. “It’s like watchin’ Barbie get an exorcism.”

Esme pressed her lips together to contain a laugh, mentally cursing him. With Katarina’s long blonde hair and baby pink Adidas tracksuit, he wasn’t far off the mark.

“It’s called CDD,” Alice informed. “Short for ‘Christian Domestic Discipline’. The whole religion thing stumped me too when I saw them praying, because like, they’re not even the same religion, right? She’s presumably Orthodox and he’s gotta be Catholic. Anyway, I googled ‘pray spanking’ and found that. Apparently it’s a movement that started as like, a ‘women are inferior in Christian marriages and should treat their husbands like God himself’ thing, but naturally, it got turned into a kink.”

The two of them exchanged a look again and sank back down to their hunkers. Carlisle gestured out their route around the corner of the wall they were now up against and through the open plan door. He pointed to her and made a finger gun, then pointed to himself and pulled out a rope from one of his coat pockets. She nodded once and rounded the corner with her guns raised right as Garrett’s head looked in that direction.

“Don’t move,” she warned, one pistol aimed at his head and the other aimed at Katarina’s.

They both froze, his hand mid-air. Esme stalked closer as Carlisle moved behind them.

“Off the chair,” he commanded. “And putcha hands behind your head.”

They did as they were told and knelt on the ground. Carlisle patted Garrett down and began tying him while Esme came to Katarina’s side. The blonde swallowed tightly. When Carlisle was finished with Garrett, he moved onto her.

“Don’t fuckin’ touch her,” Garrett said as he patted, making Esme smile. As if he’d be able to stop them with his hands and feet tied.

“Whadiya take me for?” Carlisle asked. “I don’t hurt women.”

“Mhmm,” Esme agreed, tracing the side of Katarina’s face with the tip of her pistol. “This one’s all mine.”

Garrett helplessly flopped in Esme’s direction from his place on the floor.

“Easy now,” Carlisle said, finishing up with Katarina and moving to crouch down beside him. “I said I wouldn’t hurt your girl, and you repay me by goin’ for mine?”

Garrett stared blankly ahead. Carlisle tilted his chin up with his gun to meet his eyes.

“It wouldn’t be the first time you double-crossed though, would it? There was our Kiev deal, then the small matter of you murderin’ your own pal. Lettin’ his kid grow up without a father. What kinda person does that, huh? Ya know, I might be a lotta things. But I know where my loyalties lie. And I’d never betray a friend. Even people like us have rules, and that’s one of ‘em.”

“You wanna talk about the loyalty of friends?” Katarina piped up, prompting Esme to hold her pistol against her head. “You might want to look closer to your own circle.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Esme asked, her eyes narrowed.

“You haven’t wondered where the others are?” Garrett smiled. “They’re actually in your neck of the woods. Meeting with some of your buddies. Ironic really, isn’t it? You come all the way here hoping to kill Tati, only for her to be in your area.”

Alice gave a “hmm” as Carlisle’s eyes flickered to meet Esme’s, then settled back on Garrett’s face. Neither of them could tell whether or not he was trying to throw them, but both understood not to let him.

“We didn’t come here to kill Tatiana,” Esme said cooly. “Any single one ‘a yous woulda done. Instead we got two. I call that a success.”

“Do you?” Katarina cooed. “I wouldn’t be that confident ‘til all of us are dead. Especially if I had a daughter who didn’t know how to shoot.”

Carlisle felt the colour drain from his face. Esme immediately yanked Katarina down by the hair until her cheek hit the floor, then placed a knee on her back.

“What the fuck does your family know about my daughter?” She growled into her ear. “Tell me everything you know and how you know it.”

“It’s hardly a secret,” Katarina said, the words muffled against yet another Persian rug. “You’ve been paradin’ her — what’s her name, Rose or something? — paradin’ her all around New York and Jersey. Don’t tell me you didn’t think people would notice?”

“I hear she’s real pretty,” Garrett added. “And you know us bunch, we like our blondes.”

With that, Carlisle began relentlessly punching him. Garrett’s groans sounded different to how they had sounded in the hallway. Here, he was getting to know much less loving hands.

Esme pulled at Katarina’s hair again. “Tell me who told you about my daughter.”

“No.”

She shifted so she could better aim for Katarina’s kneecap, then shot it. The blonde let out an agonising scream, which woke Carlisle from his blind rage just long enough to look up and spot a marble urn on the fireplace.

“Tell me who told you about my daughter.”

“Fuck you,” Katarina moaned, writhing in pain.

Carlisle got up and grabbed the urn, dumped whatever ashes were inside into the fire pit, and made his way back to Garrett.

Esme flipped Katarina over and shot her other kneecap. Another ear-piercing scream blocked out the sound of Carlisle beating Garrett with the urn.

“Tell me something. Anything about what or how you know.”

Katarina simply whimpered. Esme pressed her foot against her knee, but the scream that followed was feeble. She would soon pass out from either blood loss or pain.

“You’re not gonna tell me anything?”

Katarina barely shook her head. Esme sighed and shot her between the eyebrows.

Carlisle was sitting still and staring at Garrett when she made her way over to him. “Is he dead?”

He shrugged.

She picked up the urn from the floor and gave Garrett’s body several extra beats to be sure.

“Is now,” Alice said quietly. Neither of them laughed.

Carlisle rubbed at his temple while Esme sat back beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

“They know about Rosie,” was all he said.

She nodded.

“Guess there’s no goin’ back now. Even if she wanted to, there’s no way she can go back to the life she had.”

“No,” Esme agreed.

“I get it now,” he mumbled, more to himself than to her.

“Get what?”

“I think...I’m finally worried.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Alice awkwardly cleared her throat.

“Alice, what they said about our friends—” Carlisle started.

“I won’t say anything,” she said before he could finish. They both trusted that. If Alice was a betrayer, they’d already be dead.

“Thanks.”

He closed his eyes for a few seconds before standing up. Esme didn’t like seeing him so uneasy. He was her comforter, so if he needed comforting, things weren’t good. But he did need comforting, and as his person, it was her job to do so.

“Alice, could you mute us for a while?” Esme asked as she got to her feet. “And turn off the living room camera? We need a minute.”

Alice hesitated. “Alright. But watch the time, for Rose’s sake. And I’ll mute you, but don’t mute me in case I need to warn you about unexpected visitors elsewhere in the property.”

“Thanks,” Esme said.

“Okay, I can’t see or hear you now. So if you need my attention, go to another room.”

Esme tugged Carlisle’s arm. “Help me move the bodies out of this room. I want it to be just us.”

He looked at her with confusion, but did as she asked.

Rosalie stared at the numbers on her timer. Forty-eight minutes and fifty-three seconds, and still no sign of her parents. Her free hand drummed at the steering wheel the way her fingers had before they left.

“C’mon, c’mon,” she muttered at the windshield. She felt her eyes start to well up and blinked furiously.

“Fine. An hour,” she promised aloud to no one, in attempt to settle herself. “We’ll hang on ‘til it’s been an hour.”

She glanced back at the timer, but a noise made her look up again. There the pair of them were, running towards her, open coats flapping in the wind. She exhaled with relief and started the engine. The headlights lit them up as she drove forward, giving her a full view of them. Both were covered in blood splatters.

“Thank god,” she cried as each of them swung open a door and hopped in the back.

“Hey, Princess,” Carlisle greeted her as she sped off.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Esme chirped. “Thanks for waitin’. Sorry we’re late.”

Rosalie frowned. Her tone was...strange. In the rearview mirror, she found the two of them staring at each other dreamily. Then, she registered Carlisle’s messed hair, and realised it wasn’t a tough fight that had delayed them.

“You assholes!” she seethed. “Do you have any fucking idea what ran through my mind?! I thought you were dead! I thought I was gonna get myself killed waiting around for two people who’d never come, because they were dead!”

“Sorry,” they said in unison.

“That’s it? You scare me into believing you’re dead and all I get is a simple sorry?”

“You were scared for us?” Esme sounded pleased. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

“You’re right,” Carlisle added. “That was selfish. Worry isn’t a nice feelin’. And a simple sorry isn’t all you get for it. We’ll head down Fifth Ave once we’re home if you like.”

She did like the sound of that, but she didn’t want him to think she could be easily won round. “Fine,” she said with a sigh.

“Oh and Rose?” Esme asked.

“Yeah?”

“We’re teaching you to shoot.”

118 notes · View notes

everythingandeveryplace · 5 years

Text

Finding Family

"Family is not an important thing.

It's everything."

"I've never seen anything like it before in my life. They have this wall and it's all concrete, and then the crops and live stock! everything is so meticulously organized, their armory is stocked in ways you couldn't even imagine." Rick rambled, ducking beneath a low hanging branch as the rest of the group followed behind. They'd been on the road for over 11 hours when Rick had finally instructed them all to pull over through the walkie.

It was nearing close to another hour since they had all started walking through the poorly shaded woods, the Atlanta sun burning their skin and stray walkers hiding in the brush. Daryl had never seen this part of Atlanta before and he couldn't help but be impressed with how well this supposed "miracle community" was hidden.

"If I hear bout' this damn Georgetown one more time, I'm throwin' him all the way there." Merle grumbled from beside him, cutting down the far too tall grass with the chiseled saw he called a hand.

"Just keep ya mouth shut and keep ya eyes on the path." Daryl hissed at his brother, moving to walk a few feet ahead. Their relationship was beyond strained and some days it was worse than others, there was a deep seeded resentment amongst the two brothers, most days Daryl couldn't even look Merle in the eyes.

Everyone knew the reason why.

"Are we almost there?" Glenn panted, leaning into the hand Maggie was massaging his achey neck with.

"Almost." Rick promised.

"They gonna see us comin'? Ain't gonna attack or nothin'?" Daryl fell into step with Rick.

"No. They seem to be good people, they know I'm bringing my people to talk. I've only spoken to their leader Charlie and a few of the residents, it was Charlie's idea to bring you all for a visit. He wants to see the type of People Alexandria produces." Rick explained.

"So best behavior folks!" Abraham chuckled and slapped Eugene on the shoulder sending the mulleted man stumbling into Carol and Michonnes backs.

Carol whipped around and raised a brow at Eugene, Michonne laughed as the socially awkward man scrambled back to Abraham's side with wide, frightened eyes.

Almost half an hour later the sounds of muffled voices broke through the silence of the woods, Rick hadn't been lying , the concrete wall that blocked the community from the outside wall was incredible and large and so tall there it seemed to tower over even the tallest oak tree lining the woods.

"Holy shit." Jesus stopped abruptly, his jaw practically on the floor as he stared up at the dark grey, smooth concrete slab.

"That's unbelievable." Carol whispered

"Carl's going to be so mad he missed this." Michonne added

"Rosita too." Sasha stepped forward and pressed her hand against the wall tugging Tyreese alongside it.

Merle elbowed Daryl in the ribs and grinned

"Looks like that old burned down factory we used to store our huntin stuff in' with the cracked concrete and tall ass walls."

"Yeah. S'also where you started sellin' the meth and damn near got me killed by a tweaker." Daryl mumbled, dodging another elbow from Merle.

Wasn't that always how it was? Every good thing daryl had ever had was tainted by Merle's reckless and stupid behavior. It was that way then and it hadn't changed, it never would.

The heavy welded doors opened slowly in front of all of them and out stepped an older man who was so tall even Tyreese had to look up to catch his eyes.

"Hello Alexandria, I'm so happy you all could make it. The ride here was smooth I assume? No trouble?"

Rick stepped forward, extending his hand to the stranger and grinning.

"No trouble at all. Thank you again for giving us the opportunity to say our piece, and Thank-you for giving my people a chance. I know how difficult it is to trust someone you hardly know, especially in this world."

Rick would have been one hell of a politician if the world hadn't gone to shit, it was amazing to see the easy way he talked to anyone and everyone never giving away even a piece of himself.

"Well of course, of course. Come on in then, you never know what's lurking in these woods." The man Daryl assumed was Charlie ushered them all inside the walls of the community, signaling to a group of men on top of the walls to close the doors.

It wasn't real.

There was absolutely no way something as prospering and lively and god damn beautiful could exist in the world they lived in now. Behind the walls of Georgetown was row after row of blooming and blossoming crops, farm animals grazed behind fenced fields, families tended to the fields and satellite panels stood tall on poles surrounding the beautifully kept homes. There were children playing and mothers knitting on porches, men were lugging lumber though the sidewalks and someone to Daryl's left was patching up the roof of a tiny yellow cottage.

"I told you." Rick whispered in his ear "I've never seen anything like it."

Neither had Daryl, not in this life or his last.

It felt welcoming and clean and homey..

It felt safe.

Maggie was the first to speak

"This place is beautiful, it's like a different world. I can't believe how much food y'all have! And the protection from the barriers and fences.. it's truly amazing."

Charlie smiled proudly

"Yes, we've worked very hard to achieve all that we have. But Rick tells me you've all worked hard as well. I'd heard of the saviors from passing travelers, fortunately we never encountered any at Georgetown. We're far too hidden to be found, of course we do have a plan of action in place should the time come we're threatened." His tone held a hint of a warning and Daryl felt Merle shift uncomfortably beside him, he got all fidgety when the saviors were mentioned. Daryl just got nauseous.

"You said we'd be able to meet more of your people? Not that I'm in any place to rush you but clearly we can see how well this place is run and I think we're all curious as to who's behind it." Rick smiled brightly and nudged Michonne until she was smiling just as wide.. albeit a bit more awkwardly.

"Well to be fair every single person who lives within the walls of our community is responsible for the progress and safety of our home. But if you mean my counsel, let me introduce you." The taller man pulled a walkie from his utility belt

"Hey team, meet in the corridor. Emergency meeting."

A chorus of jumbled

"Okay... got it.. be there in a sec."

sounded through the device.

"I haven't told them I was bringing you in, they would all be too anxious. They're going to be the deciding factors on whether I agree to the trade so I feel it's important they look at this with fresh eyes. It's better they don't have time to think on it." Charlie winked.

"I was in the shower. Someone better be dead."

A petite woman with short hair and tattooed arms came sprinting down the steps of the large white building that Daryl and his group were standing in front of. She was beautiful but the way her eyes landed on Michonne and lingered for just a moment too long made it fairly obvious she would not be interested in Rick, Daryl, Merle or anyone of that particular gender.

"You were in the shower? I was in dreamland. I was out all night scoping for walkers, you said I could sleep in." A mammoth sized man with a scarred face and dark blue eyes followed the smaller woman, trailing after her and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Charlie chuckled and shook his head

"These are a few of the people I wanted you to meet. They've come looking to trade with us, I wanted them to come by and meet you before we get into any details." He explained.

The tattooed woman reached a hand out to Michonne and the huge blue eyed man instantly reached for a high five from Rick

"I'm Tucker and that's Ruby. I run construction and head most of the supply runs, Ruby runs the armory she knows everything there is to know about guns so if you guys think you can ever get one over on her you're sorely mistaken." Tucker's laugh filled the air before he clapped a hand onto Glenn's shoulder nearly drilling him to the ground with the force of his grip. Merle snorted and Daryl had to fight to keep the smile off of his face.

"Aidan is tied up in the kitchen right now, he's got to get lunch out before we hit the road for our next run. He said he'd come by after."

Charlie nodded in understanding before turning towards The front doors of the white building again

"Where's Lil, I thought I heard her say..."

"I'm here! Sorry I got stuck with stitches on an eight year old not fun at a.."

Daryl's head snapped forward at that voice, he knew that voice, could pick it out of a million people. He never thought he would hear it again.. he never thought....

"LiliAnna?!?" Maggie practically squealed, dropping her weapons and running towards the blonde currently staring slack jawed at the group standing in front of her.

"Maggie?" She choked, falling back onto the steps of the stairs as the short haired brunette tackled her to the ground, squeezing her tight and rambling in her ear.

"I can't believe it's you! It's been almost two years! Look at you! You look amazing! I've missed you so much!" She babbled, tears leaking from her eyes as she held tight to her former best friend.

"I've missed you too." LiliAnna whispered, cupping Maggie's face and dropping her forehead to hers. When Maggie finally stepped away Rick was there to take her place, wrapping his arms around LiliAnna and smiling

"I had no idea you lived here? I've been back and forth for the past few weeks and I haven't seen you once." He pulled away and gave her a once over for injuries, Daryl had seen him do it countless times and it made his heart ache to see the familiarity playing out right before his eyes.

"I run Medical here, I'm The head nurse and we had a bit of an accident on our last run. I've been tending to the injured all month trying to get them back on their feet.. not to mention how busy I am typically." LiliAnna smiled softly before squeezing ricks hand and turning to greet the rest of the group, lingering a little longer on carol and wiping the older woman's tears with the sleeve of her jacket, they had always had a special bond.

"I feel like I'm missing something here." Ruby scratched her head.

"Ditto." Tucker shrugged, smiling at all of the happy faces "doesn't matter much though, look how happy they are. Can't bottle that up."

LiliAnna hugged Abraham one last time before finally turning towards Daryl.

"Daryl Dixon." She smiled softly, her eyes slightly misty with tears.

"Lili." He breathed, the name coming out no louder than a whisper. She looked beautiful, if possible even more so than he had ever seen her. Her long blonde hair was left loose at her shoulders, sky blue eyes big and bright on her sun kissed face. She was still too skinny, she always forgot to eat and it drove Daryl crazy, she was always too busy looking out for everyone else she often forgot about herself. But still she was beautiful, perfect. Except for..

There was a jagged light pink scar that stretched from the temple of her right eye all the way down to the corner of her top lip and when she walked towards him she walked with a limp, it wasn't all that noticeable but Daryl could see it, he'd memorized it as she walked away two years ago.

"Didn't think I'd ever see ya face again." He swallowed.

"Didn't think you would either." She answered honestly, her eyes were just as warm and beautiful as he remembered and her skin looked just as soft, he reached a hand out to touch her cheek when suddenly the shadow of a figure covered his back.

Almost as if she had been burned Lili flinched away, eyes casting over Daryl's shoulder and narrowing dangerously before she stumbled backwards and away from him. Daryl whipped around to see Merle standing directly behind him, eyes wide and apologetic when He noticed Daryl's hand still raised.

"Sorry little brother.. I didn't think."

"Ya never think." Daryl growled, harshly turning away from the man who had single handedly destroyed his happiness more times than he could count.

"LiliAnna! We gotta show you something."

Someone was coming towards them from a few feet away. Daryl couldn't make out the face yet but the voice sounded strangely familiar.

"That's D." Charlie explained "he's part of our combat group.. teaches our residents how to defend themselves."

D...

Dwight.

Sure enough the mangled man came rushing forward, a child in his arms with wild blonde curls and bright blue eyes, a huge smile on the child's face.. the kid couldn't be older than a year and he looked nothing like Dwight.. actually he looked more like..

"Mama!"

Mama? Did that mean..

"Hi sweet boy! How was your nap? Did Uncle D keep you up again?" LiliAnna reached for the baby in Dwight's arms and cradled him to her chest pressing sloppy kisses all over his cheek while he giggled and squirmed.

"You have a baby?" Michonne let the severe sharpness of her features lessen for just a moment as she stared at the mother and her child.

"I do. His names Greyson and he just tuned one." She smiled proudly.

"Oh my god Hershel Jr. just found himself a new best friend." Maggie tugged in Glenn's sleeve in excitement and even the lanky Korean couldn't keep the smile off of his face. LiliAnnas eyes softened immediately and she grinned

"It was a boy?" She asked Maggie.

"It sure was.. just like your little angel." Maggie moved forward to squeeze the chubby little ones cheeks. Rick was talking to Charlie and the rest of the group was either admiring Greyson or asking Ruby and Tucker questions.

"You see it don't you?" Merle asked from his space beside Daryl.

"See what?" Daryl refused to take his eyes off of the baby in LiliAnnas arms.

"Those are mamas eyes." Merle chuckled making Daryl snap his head towards his older brother.

"What?"

Merle shook his head at his brothers obliviousness

"That boys a Dixon through and through."

Dwight's body stiffened at the sound of Merle's voice, he whipped around and drew his gun the instant his eyes caught sight of Merle.

"Woah!" Ruby shouted

Everyone turned towards the commotion and Charlie rushed towards Dwight

"D, what are you doing.. these people are our guests.. you can't just pull your.."

"Guests?!" Dwight scoffed "why the hell is he in our camp?! Why would you let him in here!"

LiliAnna handed Greyson off to Maggie and moved to stand beside Dwight, placing her hand in his arm she spoke quickly

"It's okay.. I'm okay. It's fine Dwight, put the gun down"

"Are they here to do business? They want to trade? Fat chance!" Dwight kept his gun trained on Merle but spoke directly to Charlie "you cannot let these people in here, you cannot do business with them. They took in that.. that monster." His hands were shaking around the trigger of his rifle and Daryl couldn't move, his feet frozen to the spot. Merle seemed to be in the same position because he hadn't even drawn his gun yet.

"What did he do? What's going on LiliAnna?" Tucker came to stand behind Dwight as back up and Ruby soon followed, her hands tight on her pistol.

"He.. it was the past.." She whispered, her eyes darting to her son behind her.

Suddenly images flooded Daryl's brain.

Dwight carrying a nearly lifeless Lili through the smoke and ash, her face so bruised and bloody it was almost unrecognizable.

The screaming. Her cries of pain and desperation as Hershel attempted to stitch her up and set her bones.

Her wide, terrified eyes when she looked up at him from the cot as Hershel relocated her shoulder

"Merle." She had croaked "it was Merle."

"I'll tell you what happened." Dwight growled, the click of his trigger sounding through the almost silent air "that bastard beat Lil to death and made me watch. She survived because she's stronger than all of us but he was trying to kill her... slowly.. he wanted her to feel it."

Daryls eyes met Lilis from across the field.

She looked him dead in the eye for just a moment before she raced over to Maggie, scooped up Greyson and rushed back up the stairs to the big building.

Charlie cleared his throat and placed a hand on Dwight's raised Gun.

"It looks like we may have more to discuss."

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon imagine #twd #the walking dead #the walking dead fanfiction #the walking dead edit #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon edit #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl x oc #daryl dixon x ofc #norman reedus #teresa palmer #daryl dixon one shot #twd fanfiction #twd imagines

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risewisemind · 7 years

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Seeking a smart & compassionate person to TALK ABOUT THE WORST THINGS IN SOCIETY so okay, I’m up for the job. Everything put in motion has been altered since you find out where you plateau & then go from there & this is it.

I plateaued meaning I can’t continue NOT TALKING about what happened as DIRECTLY as possible, many posts an attempt to MODEL how you dampen the trauma, but to me, this trauma has taken up too much of my life already & I don’t care to give it anymore of my time. The catalyst?! THE QUICK RESPONSE after years of delaying in order to argue “this is my attempt to be taken care of” but I’ve already been taken care of in the ways that matter.

I know myself. I hear my voice. I will not back down & from now on, everything goes out into the universe which is this crazy internet. The place that is most scary since you are connected to people who may want to harm you, use you & try to shame you for sick reasons that I now fully understand.

When the universe gives you a sign : 3 fortunes you listen : THIS IS THE RIGHT ANSWER & so go with it : I didn’t know how to tell this story since the truth HURT MY BODY & HEART but not my brain. It can’t have my brain.

A thought pops up & now the body is already in pain

it’s the adrenaline : you get it & it makes you feel powerful but to me, it just hurts my physical body so I have to do something differently

What is that different thing? Ummm, just talk about the thing I love the most. EDUCATION & how to make it better for the students I REPRESENTED because their treatment was NOT OKAY. WILL NEVER BE OKAY & NEVER WAS TO BEGIN WITH & since I went from above average in health to not being able to sit, stand, walk & breathe & learned how important CONCENTRATION & ATTENTION are in EDUCATION because we live in a sensory pre-frontal experience.

LIFE to me is DOING & what did they do? DECIDED WHO GETS IN & WHOSE LEFT IN THE RUBBISH BIN when others doesn’t get to decide for you...

What I’ve learned about human nature & it’s the darkest matter out there...

KIDS are ignorant & can’t survive on their own. It is up to the adults to model behavior that they expect & all the things you shouldn’t do, like lie, cheat & steal. Adults know kids with disabilities SHOULD NOT BE taught in the hall & the cafeteria & adults know when a child self-harms & is now attacking others there should be a voice that says, “No!” Why was it different that year? There was no reason for students not to have a classroom when the VERY ROOM I REQUESTED was converted into an amazing classroom.

You’re asking me what will I settle for & claim to want to negotiate but I doubt that since you know RAPE is a pretty heartbreaking thing to happen & you can blame the victim. Never even though of myself one of those since I always had amazing support. IT WAS DRILLED IN ME what A VICTIM IS & what I was witnessing was the end of acceptance : NEVER AGAIN. 90-days to do anything & time doesn’t tick by, it soars. Speed of light & it’s over & it’s Spring and nothing has been done & life has stopped for those stuck in these past assaults. What it means to be sexually assaulted : I don’t have a choice anymore but to tell you what it is like so we can have a discussion.

What is hurting us?? (2) lack of desire to do the right thing.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE MAKE REPEATED BAD DECISIONS & USE TACTICS like DEFLECTION & DISTRACTION TO AVOID TRUTH?

I’m sharing it

How is one environment like a mini-society & what can be learned from the lessons there?

They stop with the leader.

Or reader? Why kids have to be taught to read & to love literature & words...

the very first floe : created Darkest Night, 2016

hOW to share the worst? You have to lose your mind a little, then wait THE PROCESS is not HERE for you since THIS IS ENOUGH : daily news is killing me so why would I complicate when INTERNET CREATES pockets, like the ones I hide my hands in because they do “weird” things & I FELT THAT HURT from people who couldn’t understand...the way they talked about people behind their backs!!!! The way the door closed as soon as we entered that HOUSE because something was not right. ACTIVELY HIDING what is supposed to be that presssssure to be perfect & that’s supposed to now mean something else, just like that. Out-of-the blue. Do you think I’m blind? Do you think I’m a moron? Do you think I’m going to believe another word you say until you EXPLAIN what the fuck you are doing because it’s SUSPICIOUS. Hindsight is the truth & the shame goes back to you : THE FUTURE FOR ME IS BECAUSE OF THAT MOMENT /THAT CHOICE/ A SPECIAL VIOLATION?! NOW YOU FUCKING HEAR MY VOICE WHEN I SAID GET OUT of my MOTHER FUCKING HOUSE and isn’t this the same as a SYSTEM fucking up : safety & violence to my body, brain & heart is all that I care about. What’s wrong with this? & when I get through the rest of “it,” now that I’ve name IT : THEIR SHIT

Survivor, I hear you, I’m sitting next to you. You gotta get a little dirty to get clean, those who’ve struggled already know what I mean, a lifestyle that’s the opposite of a dream since I’d rather die than be hurt again. That feeling on my skin . That’s what was put back in me when YOU LIE & why you do everything right . What!? Are you above hindsight!?

This is not an instant sickness with a blurb to describe. It’s those who live without consequence --they’re the ones who have to hide--meanness was already identified & doing it differently, didn’t want to be treated a certain way about money--& now we get to living : that means snuffing out hypocrisy, hate, evil & ignorance. It’s the conversation had constantly about difference.

You must treat them like people, too!! (see how I got out of that zoo)

How you lead, pee-ew!! Everyone is infected & now everyone is just too SICK. Take this pill, called “give a shit & do what you said you will” & I’m the one who has to defend a past crime against me!? And the one who is not chill

LOLOLOLOLOL : never used to do that so that’s a fuck you to you-know-who, techie/non-tech the strength “for good” : gratitude was the answer to change one’s attitude & how many examples did you need? So going back to my life philosophy, you raped it : these selfish, uncaring & diabolical means to fulfill that need

Have fuuuuuuun with that : the point of everything & why those flaky relationships have no meaning so that’s how I know all the ways you tried to get away from your past--really had too lil faith in me--why these ptsd memories belong in this dimension, the ones that are triggering me.

Physical & Emotional “follow the process” : be devotional to your SELF, it’s not about mental health but WHO YOU ARE at the core : why you hate yourself or you’re always able to give a little more...the day-to-day is how “mental health” sways & I got to see how someone takes DIGNITY away

LET’S define THAT word : we NEED IT PLEASE

as someone from my past likes to say, you do it “I can’t tell IT anything, a grOWN...”

My answer : you’ve made it very clear what you mean except for all the conversations about how un-grown-up IT is : these are the talks NO WONDER MY BRAIN HURTS : so get it out in stops & spurts, util it’s all gone : then & only then will I write those songs

done with consciousness : TO COMPARE when I’ve had the right rest

FOCUS

the dreams in me can’t be believed unless we take abuse seriously. I’ve seen this idea of trickle down, it doesn’t work in these smaller worlds, it’s all about them them them, well IT IT IT, showed me a stack of cards that didn’t fit his story so had to make something up, using emotionally that was witnessed one time as the guide : as if others bad behaviors would ever justify...

PAST WRITING

This is my attempt to organize the noise that is ptsd (what sticks & why!?) Like many, I was getting anxious over current events, but unlike others I found it connected to two real-life settings that are triggering me now, this prolonged exposure therapy a useful tool in ptsd recovery after assaults. This a STEP in a PROCESS & a way TO HEAL

Find a way to express the truth | found that way : just doing what I DO

Be truly grateful for what has helped & in this case this modern tool that is mostly magical to me (who knows how it works?) : THE GOLDEN RULE

TY tech : in check, no longer a wreck & don’t have to hide amongst the folds of where I’m catching these triggers & putting them down.

TODAY I KNOW HOW TO ORGANIZE just one bit of all these pieces bubbling up . . .

WRITING TODAY 01/31/2018

DATING is important & does not trigger : able to choose to date or not : date all “first times” & “last times” | Date anything that you don’t question too much

dating this because I am clear NOW & see how unclear, but mostly able to organize, but leaving IT out since not ready yet [if ever]

You must be ORGANIZED so (a) know strengths (b) know weaknesses (c) learn new skills (d) take infinite risks (e) be courageous with little bits of fear (f) give in on the days that are simply too _____ . You don’t have to make sense since the goal is to get through the night

why is the date the trigger : it’s an ANNIVERSARY : we really don’t understand triggering events happen every year when we appreciate & celebrate happy occasions, right?

how can pretend now to know?

this is how you completely blame another person : put self first : dispersed over 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳 🕳

When you don’t make sense people think you’re crazy --recent experience with health care specialists have shown me how opinion, expertise & something that is very unique to me, not a thing I FEEL or think about to be honest since I STILL ASSUME people are trying their best & they’re not.

FLOE GOES HERE

ptsd is a physiological thing : I CAN EXPLAIN IT ALL

FLOE GOES HERE

How people are not empathetic & what harm that truly does to the BODY & then the MIND or the BODY & then the MIND. THE BODY is the INDICATOR & thank goodness it exists.

People are also kind of, well, they make their own conclusions & it’s harmful. Let’s get back to real discussions, please!!!

Out & about & stuck with a group of people who do not care a lick : I’m stuck & physically SHOWING (shaking, crying, body way OFF, but talking in a regular tone) & now being told I’m triggering when I am not by an expert. There is truth that after assaults some individuals do not heal & make happy lives, but why is that the automatic assumption? This is the problem : failure to regroup in a real way leading to lots of fakery that tends to skew the original message: get over it. TRYING !!!

Sexual Abuse & Power GO HERE : not the prettiest topic but the one that uncomfortably fits best since we do overlook the effects of crimes of an intimate nature. I’m going to share what it’s like to GO THROUGH to provide a way for others to say, “Hey, read this” and maybe it’ll be easier to discuss things that aren’t that bad compared to the actual act. The narrow minded opinion of those who equally admit to not listening & being confused do the most damage since it allows BEHAVIOR based on feelings that don’t have to be explained. That’s a bit like belief & to just believe without proof of why is a very dangerous place to linger in...it’s like being sucked into an atmosphere your body isn’t used to. I’ve been hit with a sledgehammer, my breath taken away.

The blog is to give VOICE to the feelings of ptsd triggers as they happen or shortly after in a “formal reflection.” I’m demanding more collective interests in SOLVING PTSD & SUICIDES because we are a nation that WANTS TO HELP & HAS THE ABILITY TO in great & small ways. I woke up from a FOG of ptsd in Nov 201_ & followed my gut & it was the right choice since it showed me HOW GROSS PEOPLE CAN BE. They stick together & protect for reasons that needlessly hurt others & if that is how they VIEW VIOLENCE I start to question their worst. If someone does MORE HARM than GOOD...isn’t that a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off in tremendously sad ways?

Find a better way because they showed me it all so thanks Fuckers. F

Do more to END VIOLENCE by identifying the FEW KIDS in each school who are being bullied & environments of indifference that leave them ISOLATED

DO more to INCREASE ACCESS to CARE, the ARTS, EDUCATION (liberal arts, vocational, big brained specialists) to give options of self-expression especially if they’re not being taught basic LITERACY & left in the back of the classrooms to learn nothing & be treated like a PET

Do everything you can to never lose hope : JUSTICE whenever possible

superheroes don’t actually exist so the justice system cannot fail

DO nothing & have nothing to complain about --- kind of obvious - - stop being those people that JUST don’t get it & never will. You are not your image, your income, your car or your “story” because you lie

Be who you are, but don’t try to pretend what you’re not ---like, really

IDENTIFY FAULTY THINKING : snuff out ignorance & indifference whenever it pops up and those who can’t do it, kick em out. They don’t get to wank off to bank accounts & treat people shoddily knowing they can & NO ONE will question.

EDUCATIONAL REVOLUTION for the kids who want to be TAUGHT HOW TO LIVE in a world where, yes, no one will accommodate you, but you also don’t have to have FEAR & a shit image of self because of someone else.

#ptsd #hypocrisy #mental health #self-awareness #recovery #writing #drumpf #support #goal #reflection in bold #happened 3x #self-education #fearlessness #love #ASCD

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