#harry styles ficmas
Text
All I Want For Christmas Is You
part i
pairing: harry styles x fan!singer!reader
summary: harry shows up at your show twice. you're more excited the first time.
warnings: some cursing, some angst, nothing else really!
“happy christmas to you as well,” you answered.
you expected it to be awkward, stiff, forced — anything, really. anything but so alarmingly easy to talk to the same man you obsessed over for years.
i mean, your head was screaming and your insides were turning but on the outside, it was easy.
and the last thing — the last, the very, very last — thing you expected him to do was tug you over to the legendary anne twist and gemma styles.
“y/n, this is m’mum, anne, and m’sister gemma,” he introduced.
you gave what you hoped wasn’t (but knew was) an awkward smile and waved, “hi.”
gemma just threw herself up from the seat and hugged you, “it’s so good to meet you!”
she said that as if you’d known harry for more than fifteen minutes.
or, he’d known you. you knew at the very least of him for 8 years now.
“you too!” you responded, because it felt like the proper reaction.
anne pulled you into a hug as well, albeit far more calm than gemma.
“you did lovely, dear. you have a very nice voice.”
“thank you,” you blushed, even more so when you felt a ring-clad hand rest on your lower back.
“i’m gonna steal her away now. just thought i’d introduce you all.”
you honestly can’t remember what on earth you were so worried about. harry was easy to talk to, and he actually seemed interested in what you were saying. he payed for every little fruity drink you ordered.
and he ordered you so many — you ordered them, he tried to cut you off numerous times but you always swatted him away — that you said probably the stupidest thing ever when your friends mentioned heading out soon.
“d’you wanna come with us? we’ll probably go to jen’s and get blackout drunk,” you laugh.
and you… oh. well, you were just so cute when you asked. wide eyes, dilated pupils from three too many fruity drinks, and a hopeful smile that bordered on just a little anxious, that.. well, really, how could he say no?
“you are already well on your way to blackout drunk,” he teased.
“hey!” you smacked his arm, causing him to laugh and put his hands up in surrender. “and.. i mean, i suppose i can hang around for a bit,” he shrugged. “no harm, right?”
oh, how wrong he was. there was harm in it. so much, in fact. the two of you spent the whole night cuddled up together on jen’s couch until he noticed you falling asleep on him.
he excused the both of you and drove you home, which was a task in and of itself because you were so tired and drunk you didn’t understand what he was asking when he asked what your address was.
and then, when the two of you arrived, he made a comment about how unsafe the area was and how he felt bad leaving you in the house alone. made you promise to lock your doors all the time, and made another comment you almost didn’t catch.
“jus’ gonna have t’find you a better place. this won’t do, pet.”
and you, really, were just expecting his presence in your life to be a one and done thing. but it wasn’t. you woke up the next morning to a text from an unknown number.
Unknown
Had to go home to Mum and Gem, or else I’d have stayed with you in case you got sick. There’s Advil and water on your nightstand. Text me when you’re up. Happy Christmas, again.
H xx
and if you weren’t borderline obsessed with him before, you were now.
the two of you saw each other at least once a week after that. you went to his birthday party and everything. then, on valentines day, he asked you on a date. the two of you went on dates for all of february until he finally asked you to be his girlfriend.
and you said yes. so, you were his girlfriend.
he stayed true to his comment. he bought you a place in the heart of london. a very luxurious, expensive flat. went to all of your gigs like the supportive, doting boyfriend he is.
or.. was.
you dated until june. when he all of a sudden texted you some utter bullshit about ‘not being able to do this anymore’ and cut all contact. blocked your number and on all social medias— although, he didn’t block the secret fan accounts you never told him about which is the only way you knew a crumb of what was going on in his life.
you chose to not go to tabloids for that. they never told the truth, anyway.
the one thing he didn’t stop, though, was paying your rent. you almost wanted to buy your own place and abandon this one to spite him. but how could you?
he left you with the damn dog, too.
oh, that’s right.
the two of you adopted a small beagle in march, right after you moved in. named it sunflower, because he called you sunflower.
(he also found it hilarious that whenever he’d call ‘sunflower’, both of you would appear).
you didn’t even have the heart to rip down all the photos of the two of you throughout the apartment.
they just sat there, collecting dust.
when christmas rolled around again, it was safe to say you were heartbroken at best, depressed at worst.
you moped all day, even when you and your friends opened presents in your apartment.
“so… y/n..” jen spoke as you all were eating dinner.
“hm?” you hummed back.
“did you see what harry did?”
everyone froze.
harry was a sore subject, even six months after the break up.
you cleared your throat, going back to cutting your steal, “uh.. no. no, i didn’t. what?”
“he dropped an album called fine line—“
“oh, good for him, i guess,” you shrug.
“uh.. he.. he dropped it on your.. birthd.. day..” she let out slowly.
you dropped your utensils. “he did what now?”
“.. i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said anything—“
“he left me— i woke up one morning, and he was just gone and all i get is some stupid fucking text about how he can’t do this anymore, and he pulls this shit? no. no, i’m— absolutely fucking not—“
“that’s.. not.. it,” she winced.
“what? what else could he have possibly done?”
“there’s a song on the album. uh.. called.. sunflower..”
you stood up from the table and stormed to your room, slamming the door.
when you woke up, it was the next day.
and you had a text.
cuntface (harry)
I got your voicemail… baby, I am so sorry. I should’ve asked about the song, and the album. Dropping it on your birthday was uncalled for. I’m sorry. I should’ve reached out. I shouldn’t have even left.
sent at 8:57pm
Baby, come on. Please answer. I’m sorry. Are you alright?
sent at 11:22pm
that motherfucker left you in the dust without a second though, and he had the nerve to act concerned about you? what the hell did you even say in the voicemail?
you tapped a few buttons on your phone until finding said voicemail. you hit play.
“you have a lot of nerve, you know that, harry? you fucking leave me with no other reason besides ‘i can’t do this anymore’.. like.. what kind of fucking excuse is that? and you left me with our fucking dog! our dog! that you named after what you called me! which, by-the-fucking way is a fucking song on this apparent new album of yours that you dropped on my birthday like i was the problem in our relationship! fuck you, harry. fuck you for everything. i-.. god, i can’t even say i hate you, because.. i don’t. i don’t fucking hate you, and i hate that i don’t hate you because i should. i should fucking hate you so much, but i don’t. i’m still in love with you and it’s so fucking pathetic. and that’s your fault. so fuck you, harry. fuck you. you’re not the only one who can write songs.”
you furrowed your brows at the last sentence you said in the voicemail. you didn’t write a song about him, did you?
and then you glanced at your nightstand, and your songbook was thrown open. a whole song written out on a page you are very sure was blank before.
you grab the book, examining the now tear-stained pages before reading the song title.
i should hate you.
well, that’s fitting.
on new years eve, you had a show at the same bar you met harry at. and at the very end of your set, you performed the song you wrote about him.
“so, uh.. i’ve played here before, actually. last christmas, and uh.. i met this.. this guy. huge crush on him, all that shit. we talked for a while, dated for a few months, got a dog together and then he.. just.. kinda left? and didn’t reach out for six months until i cussed him out in a voicemail, where i basically said i was still in love with him!” you laugh awkwardly.
the audience laughs, too.
“so, uh.. yeah. and then after that i was just, like.. i should hate him, so why don’t i? and.. that’s what this song is. this called i should hate you.”
you backed away from the mic slightly as you started strumming and the audience clapped.
“last night i spiraled alone in the kitchen. making pretend that the furniture listened. wasn’t the best of my mental conditions, but i tried thinking of you without any forgiveness.. because i was the one who would stay up and call you. and i’d drive to your house for the shit that you went through.”
driving to his house anytime the press did something to upset him. calling him when he was miles away and it was three in the morning, and you had a shift at the coffee shop at six.
“and i wasted my breath when i tried to console you, didn’t i?”
anytime she’d comfort him about the horrible things tabloids said, he’d reject it.
“‘cause we didn’t happen the way we were supposed to.”
in your head, you were happily together and nothing ever went wrong in june. he was in the audience tonight cheering you on, smiling at you when you made eye contact. that’s how it should.
“i know that i should hate you. i know that i should hate you. pulled the knife out my back, it was right where you left it.”
trying to console you after your voicemail, months too late.
“but you aimed kinda perfect, i’ll give you the credit.”
you opened up to him and it felt like he used that against you when he left like that. he knew exactly how to make it hurt to the point it was unbearable.
“i just drank something strong to try to forget, but it wasn’t right. no, you’re not even here, but you’re doing my head in. i know that i should hate you. i know that i should hate you. i know that i should hate you. ooh, ooh. i should hate you, i feel stupid like i almost crashed my car driving home to talk about you at my table in the dark.”
you did do that. you went to one of your spots in london (a little book store that was rarely busy) and afterwards, you sped home so fast you almost crashed. you just needed to talk about him, but nobody was home. because he left.
“all i ever think about is where the hell you even are.”
you always wondered where he was, how he was doing, if he hurt the way you did. if he felt it right in his chest the way you did.
“and i swear to god i’d kill you if i loved you less hard.”
you’d kill him if you didn’t love him. you’d hate him if you weren’t still in love with him.
“after all of this time, i still get disappointed.”
after the voicemail, you expected him to show up at your door and fix everything. he didn’t. of course, he didn’t. because, even if he still payed for the house, it wasn’t his home anymore. it was just yours.
“bet you’re doing alright, and you don’t even know it.”
from the bits and pieces you managed to see of his life, he was living it up. while you cried.
“how it’s all ‘cause of you that my standards are broken.”
before, you’d been like every other girl. saying your standards were high, because your standards were harry styles. it just so happened to be that he was the one to lower those standards.
“i would bend back to you if you left the door open..”
if he came back, you’d come running.
“i know that i should hate you. i know that i should hate you. i know that i should hate you. ooh, ooh. i know that i should hate you. i know that i should hate you. i know that i should hate you. ooh, ooh.”
with the last note, you bowed. and then left the stage as everyone cheered.
you planned on just leaving. but something in you wanted a drink before hopping in the uber. so you ran up to the bar.
“a shirley temple, please,” you asked.
the bartender nodded and you sat in silence (save for the usual noise of the bar) until—
“y/n.”
a familiar voice. too familiar. it made you freeze.
your name from his lips was a statement. not a question, this time.
you finally turned, your eyes meeting familiar green ones.
“.. harry.”
deja fucking vu.
“i am so—“
“here’s your shirley temple to go, ma’am.”
you have never been more grateful for a drink. you turned and thanked the bartender quietly, grabbing the drink before speeding off.
“wh— y/n!”
you kept walking until you were halfway down the street and he grabbed your arm, forcing you to turn around.
“don’t. don’t do this, don’t run away from me— from us—“
“you ran away from us first, harry! i was all in! i was ready for whatever, and you just up and left like it meant nothing— like i meant nothing! do you know how that felt? do you even have an idea of what the felt like?”
he didn’t say anything.
“i didn’t think so.”
“please, baby— sunflower, i jus’ wanna talk.”
“i have nothing to say to you, harry.”
a/n: … hahahaha!
#harry styles oneshot#harry styles fic#harry styles#harry styles x reader#harry styles ficmas#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#harry styles imagine#harry styles one shot#ficmas
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Hii! I don't know if i didn't check properly if you had written it, but when is their weddingggggggg, are the 1d members invited or is it an intimate gathering!?!?!?! i need to knowwwww!
Forevermore
A/N: SINCE 2010 ficmas day 5! sorry for the super late post again, im so bad at this lovies 😅 but she's finally here and probably one of my most favorite chapters in YNrry's story!!
SUMMARY: YN and Harry finally (and secretly) tie the knot in her hometown surrounded by their closest friends and family on their anniversary. Here is where they reminisce a couple of Christmases back when they officially became a couple along with some unexpected circumstances. (8.7k)
GENRE: 1dbandmember!yn
SINCE 2010 masterlist // ficmas 2022 masterlist
"YN!" The couple looks up towards the front door to see a very excited Penny on the porch. The two bark out a laugh as they see the woman with her hands in the air, her hips shimmying from side to side before making her way down the porch steps. YN meets her step mum halfway and they join each other in a tight warm embrace.
After YN and Harry wrapped up their last shows of the year for their world tours, it was time to pack their things and fly over to Doncaster for their small, secret wedding. They’ve done their best acting work yet in keeping their engagement away from the public eye for almost a year and it was finally time to fulfill their promise to become husband and wife on their anniversary.
After some careful planning, the couple ultimately decided to have their wedding at the Tomlinson’s family home right in the backyard with a few selected guests outside of their immediate family members.
"Hey mum," YN mumbles into the older woman's shoulder.
"Oh, it's so good to see you, my baby," Penny reaches out, gripping Harry's wrist to pull him into the group hug as well. YN’s stepmum has so many wonderful and cheerful qualities about her but the one thing that Harry loves the most about the love of his life's mum is that she never fails to make someone feel so welcomed.
"Ugh, you're here. You both are finally here. And you mister," Penny pulls back to shove a playful finger at Harry's chest. "I haven't seen enough of you in a hot minute."
“Been a bit busy with work and everything but never too busy for you, Pen,” He gives the older woman a charming smile. Penny squeals and pinches at Harry’s cheek.
“Yeh too sweet, can’t get enough of you!” Penny hooks her arm through with her daughter's and walks back towards the grand house, "Harry leave those bags there in the car. I'll have Louis and the boys come out and help you with that so if I see you carry them inside I'll smack yeh. Come on!"
As they walk up the rest of the gravel driveway, Harry can't help but think back and reminisce on the night he took YN to his mum's house for Christmas almost four years ago in 2019.
...
Harry opens YN’s car door as she carefully tries to take off her seatbelt while simultaneously trying to keep a homemade cookies bag from toppling over.
While YN spent Christmas Eve/Louis’s birthday with the rest of the Tomlinson clan, aka her family, she couldn’t possibly deny Anne invitation to spend Christmas day with the Styles. It was a new experience for her spending this holiday away from her family, but she was more than happy to comply with her best friend’s mom’s wishes.
After spending two months in Malibu earlier in the year, and after having having a much needed talk with Harry about their feelings for one another, they’re still trying to navigate how to go through with their acts of devotion towards one another. As much as it hurt the both of them to end their relationship once more, they decided to do the healthy thing for once and focus on themselves and their mental health first before pouring out everything they have toward someone else.
It turns out that their crisp trepidation was too heavy to simply shake off so quickly.
Their friendship, however, could never be tossed aside.
When she closes her door with her hip, she can hear Harry close the backseat door and he holds the Christmas gifts they brought for the Styles family. Anne’s house reminded YN so much about her stepmum’s home: a tiny little cottage-like home with a vast amount of greenery surrounding the area. It instantly brings a smile on her face and makes her feel at home being away from home.
“Hey um,” YN looks up at Harry as they walk up his mother’s driveway. “I just want to say that I really appreciate you being here. I know you spend this time with your family so I just wanted to say that it means a lot that you’re here with me. You really didn’t have to.”
“Well, remember I’m only here for Anne,” YN jokingly reminds her friend.
“M’being serious though.”
“So am I.”
“YN,” Harry stops them as the reach the front door. Due to Harry's hands being full, she takes the liberty to reach out and ring the doorbell. “Look, before we go inside, there's something I need to tell you...”
“I’m all ears.”
“I-”
“YN!” Anne's voice breaks through the space and she’s instantly lighting up from the older woman’s energy. Anne wastes no time pulling her in for a hug while Harry is left hanging in nervousness. “Merry Christmas, hun.”
“Merry Christmas, Anne. It’s been so long,” YN says over her shoulder. She’s missed her so much more than she realized as she almost gets emotional at her embrace.
“Too long. It’s a crime that Harry doesn’t bring you along when he comes home,” The two women look over at Harry but YN notices how he quickly puts a smile on his face. She slightly furrows her eyebrows at his actions but before she can fully question him, Gemma comes out from the hallway and walks towards the three of them.
“Hey you,” Gemma immediately wraps her arms over YN’s shoulders.
“Hey Gem. How’ve you been?” The two of them sway quickly back and forth for a second before pulling away.
“Great now that you’re here. Hopefully my brother hasn’t been giving you much trouble,” Gemma says while nodding her head to Harry. When she looks back at Harry again, she sees his mum helping him with the gifts they brought. He looks up at her again as well and smiles a closed lipped smile, they kind where his dimples don’t dig into his cheeks in the way she likes.
What’s up with him?
“Never. Oh—” YN quickly remembers the big ziploc bag in her hand. “Me mum made cookies earlier today and she wasn’t gonna let me come over here without bringing you all some.”
“Aw, you all are too sweet. I love that pretty Penny to death,” Anne gushes as she takes the bag from her extended hand and beckens YN and her son to come further into the house. “Make yourself at home, YN. I’ll introduce you to the rest of the family and later we have some games we’re going to play. So bring your A-game, the Styles are very competitive—not like you don’t already know. Especially these two,” Anne points to her two children.
“Well m’not one for losing either, Annie, so they better have their guards up,” YN smirks and the two women pretend to be baffled before they all break out into chuckles. “And I will, thank you.”
When Anne and Gemma both walk and disappear further into the home, YN turns to Harry and begins to take off her shoes. “You alright, babe? You look a little pale,” She puts the back of her hand to Harry's forehead just to make sure. Harry shakes his head and softly grasps her hand in his.
“Yes...well maybe? I dunno, really,” He lets out a nervous chuckle and it only makes her more concerned. “I just need to let you know that—”
“Uncle Harry!” A little boy YN recognizes to be one of Harry’s few nephews comes running up to the two of them and Harry is quick to put a bright smile back on.
“Hey, look at you! You’re so big now,” Harry wraps his arms around the back of the boy’s legs and lifts him up. “You’re a full-fledged adult now, aren’t yeh? Look at that mustache on your lip. See that, babe?”
“Oh yeah,” YN plays along with Harry’s teasing. “Might need a trim soon, for sure.”
The young boy laughs when Harry wiggles his fingers under the little boy’s armpits before setting him down. Soon after, the little boy is dragging his uncle further into the house and into the living room announcing how he needs to show him all of the new toys Santa brought him last night. When Harry gives her a shrug of his shoulder with yet another tight-lipped smile as he gets whisked away, she’s left wondering what he needs to tell her so badly.
...
When Harry trails behind his fiancée and her mum inside the Tomlinson house, the sound of chatting and commotion fills the spacious living room instantly.
“Aunt YN!” A little carbon copy of Louis comes running to up YN and he tightly wraps his arms around her torso.
“Freddie! Aw you’re too big now, lad. Almost didn’t recognize yeh. How are you, little man?”
Harry happily looks on at how the Tomlinsons come up to hug and greet YN before they get to him. YN can’t help but coo when Lottie carries in her new baby, she does her secret handshakes with each of set of twins and warmly greets the older Tomlinson grandparents. As Harry finishes greeting Lottie’s boyfriend, he fondly looks at how her and Louis give each other a kiss on the cheek before staying in their embrace for a minute longer than she did for the others.
“Why didn’t no one tell me one of my favorite girls is finally here?” Anne quickly wraps her arms around YN as soon as she pulls away from her childhood best friend's hug.
“Should I be offended that my mum hugged my fiancée first and not me?” Harry hurtfully yet playfully asks his old band mate.
“Deeply,” Louis jokes before pulling him in for a hug, patting him heavily on the back. “S’good to see you, man. Ready for the big day?”
“He’s been ready since he was practically sixteen,” Gemma interrupts with a sassy smile. “He’s gonna have to blow the dust off the paper he wrote his vows on from how long ago her wrote them—hey!” His sister laughs when he gives a playful (yet very real) shove to her head.
...
The night has been a blast so far. The Styles family were much like Penny and the Tomlinson’s in how family is at the core of their lives. After getting introduced to the few family members she didn’t know, they quickly accept her like they’ve known her all their lives.
Harry can see just how naturally good she is at everything. She wins over the grumpy grandparents who only seem to smile once a year and now has them doubled over in laughter. She’s a fierce competitor at all of their family games and doesn’t hold back from her brutal skills as she goes head to head with him over a play of some guessing game. When it’s time to set the table, she’s quickly removing herself from her close spot next to Harry to help Anne with anything she needs.
“Well, she certainly seems like a lovely girl,” Gemma says lowly once she’s slid on over next to her brother. “Very companion worthy.” When she sees him start to pinch worriedly at his bottom lip, she gives him a sympathetic smile, “Still haven’t told her yet, huh?”
“No, and neither will you.”
“You’re gonna have to tell her, H. You have to tell one of them or else it’s just gonna blow up in your face,” His older sister reasons. She’s right, and he knows that she’s right.
“I will,” Harry lowers his voice when he sees YN and his mum come out of the kitchen with plates of food in their hands as they go about setting up the dining room table behind him.
It startles him when he feels two hands on his shoulders and he feels a smile creep onto his face when he feels the side of YN’s face press up against his, “Dinner is officially served. Come on, your mum wants you to sit next to her, and I want to sit next to you.”
With a squeeze of his shoulders, Harry feels giddiness zip through him at her comment and ignores the knowing look his older sister gives him as he gets up from the couch.
...
As everyone gets settled in—mums hustling in the kitchen, little ones running every which way, and the older children talking among themselves in the living room—Louis and YN take a moment to sit outside together away from all the chaos. The backyard was essentially all set for tomorrow. As the two sit on one of the couches of the spacious backyard, in front of them sits two sections of seats, a walkway in the middle and an altar made of branches awaits at the end. The arch of the altar is filled with white flowers.
The couple was thankful that the England weather was relatively warm this year as there was barely any snow in sight.
As the two stare out at the set up, YN lets out a sigh, wrapping her arms around her legs and fidgets with the butterfly ring on her finger, “This is kind of surreal, yeh know? Like, after all this time we’re finally gonna do this,” YN huff out a giggle. “Remember when Harry gave this ring a couple of Christmases ago? Feels like ages away."
Louis offers his cigarette to her and she shakes her head to decline.
“That’s around the time he told me he had a crush on you.”
YN snaps her head towards her childhood best friend, “Whot! He told all those years ago?”
“S’not like it was a secret. He practically kissed the ground you walked on. It was pretty fookin’ obvious, love. You know...eh never mind.” Louis shakes his head with a smile and brings the white stick back to his lips, taking a long drag.
“Oi! Y’can’t say that and then not say what you were going to say,” YN pushes at his shoulder.
“I dunno why I even brought it up. Don’t know if I should even tell yeh,” YN raises her hand as a threat to hit his shoulder and he slightly cowards back with his hands raised. “Oi, alright, alright. It’s not even a big deal.”
“Y’making it seem that way though. Y’got me all nervous.”
“Well,” Louis tilts his head back as he blows the smoke out from his lungs. He scratches his eyebrow with his thumb with a sigh, “He’d kill me if he knew I was telling yeh this but...y’mum wasn’t the only one he asked for a blessing to marry you.”
She furrows her eyebrows and tilts her head as she looks to her childhood best friend, her brother.
“Are...are you sayin’ that Harry asked you as well?”
Louis just gives her a small smile and silently nods down to himself, bringing his cigarette to his lips once more.
In the next second, her eyes begin to water at Harry’s gesture. The fact that he went the extra mile to ask her childhood best friend—the man who she sees as an older brother—if he had approval to become her husband makes the love she has for her fiancé grow more and more. She turns her head to look behind her and through the sliding doors that see into the kitchen.
Penny has Harry’s hands working on needing out a tough ball of cookie dough. He listens intently to her instructions as she pours various cookie toppings into different bowls. His own mum rummages around the kitchen as well, helping learn how to make her soon-to-be mother-in-law’s infamous chocolate chip cookies.
It seems as though Harry must not be kneading the dough fast enough as her mum comes up behind him and aids his hands into the mix. YN can’t hear it from being outside but Harry’s face says it all as he begins to laugh at the playful action. His eyes crinkle and his dimples pop out as he lifts his shoulders in a fit of giggles.
YN huff out a small laugh through her nose at the sight and she can’t stop the rogue tears that escape as she falls more in love with the man inside.
“M’happy for you, love,” When she turns her gaze back to Louis, he nods toward the house. “Harry he...he really loves you, YN. He’s gonna be a good husband. And if he isn’t, I’ll kick his arse.”
YN can’t help but let out a watery laugh, wiping under her eyes before snuggling under his extended arm, “I believe you.”
They both enjoy the quietness of the outdoors a little longer until they turn their heads to the sound of one of the doors sliding open.
“Auntie YN,” Freddie excitingly steps onto the porch, his cheeks turning pink by the second.
“Freddie, where’s yeh coat?” Louis scolds.
“Sorry daddy but Grandma Penny said it's time for you to come inside or, or else you’re going to get sick,” The little boy with his father's eyes quickly explains before scurrying off inside.
“You coming inside, Lou?” YN asks, still stuck to his side. He gives her shoulder a squeeze and throws the bud of his cigarette into the grass.
“Let’s go. Yeh know, you’re gonna be having to scold yeh own kids pretty soon.”
“One step at a time, Lou.”
...
It was safe to say that it’s been a good while since YN has had a home-cooked meal and Anne never fails to provide such delicious food—especially now as everyone feasts on their full plates. Harry’s mum sits at the head of the table, her two children sit in the next seats beside her and YN is seated happily next to Harry. As they all eat and chat away, YN puts a hand over her mouth to prevent food flying out from laughter at one of his uncle’s stories.
Throughout the dinner, her and Harry have been acting like they usually would any other time they’re together. Like when they were all sitting on the couch listening to funny (and embarrassing) stories about each family member, YN sat contently under the comfort of Harry’s arm draped over her shoulder. Or after a round of another guessing game, Harry takes her in his arms and gives her a spin after their team’s victory; boasting loudly and planting a friendly kiss on her cheek.
Or like now as YN’s giggly body subconsciously leans over to Harry, he doesn’t think twice about putting a hand on her knee, leaning further into her as he lets out a laugh of how own.
“And when I looked down, it was in my hand the entire time!” His uncle explains the ending to his amusing story and the table goes into another fit of laughter and chuckles. His aunt brings a clothed napkin to wipe under her eyes and playful smacks her husband’s shoulder.
When YN looks to her best friend, they both shake their heads as giggles and chuckles push past their lips. She gives him the smile that always makes his knees weak and he’s never been more thankful to be sitting down at the sight.
Anne looks over fondly to her son and YN next to her and can’t help but wave a hand excitedinly in front of her, “YN, dear. I’m so happy you came over for today. But you’ll have to excuse Uncle David over there, he’s a bit of a jokester.”
“Not at all,” YN dimisses with a reassuring wave of her hand. “My uncle Teddy is the same way. It’s nice to see that humorous uncles run in good families.”
It’s nearly impossible to not be in awe of the woman sitting next to him. She’s just so naturally good at everything, and much like her stepmum, she can always make a person feel welcomed, special even, with just one look.
“I’m just so happy that my son has finally brought his girlfriend over for Christmas,” Anne beams from her seat at the head of the table and YN’s fork squeaks against the china plate. Harry nearly chokes on the glass of wine in his hand and Gemma looks up at her the two across from her with wide eyes. The wind gets knocked out of YN as she failed to notice that he was seeing someone on the side, that she failed to notice the possible woman in the room...but another realization presses down on her chest.
She can feel her best friend tense up next to her and it all makes sense now: Harry didn’t tell his mum that they weren’t together anymore. Harry’s mum was referring to YN.
YN thinks quickly and instead of politely correcting his mum or throwing out all of the questions racing in her mind, she smiles softly at Anne and says, “Thank you for having me.” When she turns her gaze to Harry, he sees him give her an appreciative smile, “M’really grateful to be here with all of you. I’m a very lucky person today.”
“I’m the lucky one,” Harry comments truthfully. He’s so grateful to not only have his best friend over for such a memorable day but for her not exposing him to his entire family on Christmas day. He removes the hand on her knee to bring her hand to mouth to place a kiss on her knuckles and the table looks onto them fondly.
Before Anne can get all teary-eyed over the sight, she puts on a loving smile and announces for everyone to continue to eat up before the food gets cold. As everyone dives back into their own conversations and the room is filled with chatter and silverware claking again, Harry leans over to whisper in YN’s ear.
“Thank you.” YN gives her friend a warm smile like he’s telling her something loving, partly because she feels for him and partly because his mum hasn’t taken her eyes off of them yet, “I can explain.”
“Later,” YN whisper back, interlocking her hand with his. “In the meantime, is yeh nose alright? Looks like wine sky-rocketed out from there from the news," She giggles behind her own glass and Harry falls more in love with her with every passing second.
...
As the night before their wedding day comes to fruition, everyone in the house was sent promptly to bed to be ready for tomorrow—especially the bride-to-be. Penny, Anne, Gemma, and Lottie all shooed Harry away from his fiancé and made sure YN was tucked into bed as soon as possible as she needs her beauty sleep before the most important day of her life.
While Harry was shoved into a room of his own, he couldn’t stop tossing and turning. As excited as he is for the next day to arrive, he can’t seem to fall asleep without his love snuggled up next to him.
As the rest of the house is already in deep sleep, Harry pads his bare feet out of the guest room and makes his way into the kitchen. He knuckles at his eyes and reaches for the handle of the refrigerator.
“Not gettin’ cold feet are yeh?”
Harry nearly jumps out of his skin, quickly turning around to spot his fiancée sitting on top of the dining table. She holds back a laugh around the cookie in her mouth and he notices that she has a steaming mug sitting on the table by her hips.
“Of course not. Been waiting forever for this day, think m’just too excited to sleep,” He makes his way over to her to stand inbetween her swinging legs. “What are you doing up?”
“Same here. Too jittery to wait until tomorrow,” YN keeps her gaze on the mug next to her as she dunks her stepmum’s homemade cookie in the hot chocolate as she bashfully says her next words. “Plus, I couldn’t really fall asleep without you with me so...”
It’s hard for the two of them not to be reminiscent of always meeting up back in the kitchen: from their two month trip in Jamaica, while making his second album in Malibu, when they officially became a couple in 2019—it all seems a little full circle.
"Will you be a good bride-to-be to your soon-to-be husband and let me have a bite?" He nods toward the chunky cookie in her hand with a grin, ultimately deciding that he can't tease her for her sleep comment because it's the same reasons he's up. He leans forwards when she offers him some but scoffs when she swerves it out of the way at the last second and into her mouth.
When she finishes her chewing, he hushes her laugh by pressing his lips to hers. He pulls her in closer by gripping her hips and she happily cards her fingers through his hair. When teases his fingers under the waistband of her sleep shorts, she pulls away with a giggle.
"Harry, baby we can't here," She whispers into the air as he begins to nibble down the side of her neck.
"Why not?" He mumbles onto her skin and the sound of his boyish whinnying makes her smile.
"Because, quite literally, our closest family members are all currently sleeping under this roof. Me mum can walk in on us. Or your mum. Or Louis-"
"They will walk in on us if you don't hush up," Harry points out and it makes his dimples dig into his cheeks when she giggles softly. "Don't you want me, baby?"
"I want you," YN mumbles shyly and it has him quickly bringing his mouth to hers again. She pulls him closer with a tug of his hair and he groans against her, a noise that has her shushing him just the same way he did to her.
They try to keep as quiet as they possibly can but it turns difficult when they can't stop giggling and hushing each other. Especially how she has to dig her face into his shoulder when he tugs their shorts just low enough until her can push inside her or being shushed when he has to stop to move the steaming mug of hot chocolate to the seat. He tells her to be quiet through a chuckle when she goes to lay her back against the hardwood table and she lets out a string of giggles when the table starts to creek from their movements. Her laughs turn into quiet moans and whimpers when he begins to pound into her and he brings his hand over her mouth as they both come undone.
After busting out the disinfecting bottle and vigorously wiping down the table, Harry escorts her back to her room.
“What?” YN questions when he sees Harry give her a lovesick smile, the same kind of smile that begins to tug one on her own lips.
“This is our last night with you being my fiancée.”
She hums out in agreement. It’s at this moment that she realizes that the scary feeling in her tummy for tomorrow isn’t necessarily out of fear, but excitement. All this time she thought she might be second-guessing herself, making herself think that she wasn’t good enough for Harry, that he deserves someone better. But this gooey twist in her stomach is from how giddy she feels, about how much he loves her. He wants her to be his wife, no one else.
She can’t help herself from stepping forward, placing a hand on Harry’s chest to lean up on the balls of her feet to gently press her lips to his.
“Good night, my fiancé,” She mumbles against his lips.
“Fuck, I can’t wait to make you my wife.”
“Until tomorrow, my love.”
He reluctantly pulls himself away from her with a deep sigh, “I’ll be waiting at the altar.”
“I’ll meet yeh there.”
“Good night, lovie.”
“Good night.”
YN giggles at how neither one of them makes an effort to move from their spots.
“You love me?”
She barks out a laugh but quickly puts a hand over her mouth to muffle the contagious sound. He puts a warm hand over the one over her mouth while the other puts a finger to his lips, a dimpled smile already breaking out.
“I can’t stand you,” She teases in a whisper. “But of course I love you. Agree to marry you, didn’t I?”
“Damn right you did,” He boasts, walking backwards down the hall. “Good night, baby.”
“Night,” YN bites her bottom lip to tame her smile and leans her head on the door frame. Before she can get her hand on the door, another giggle comes tumbling past her lips when he quickly makes his way over to her again to give her a loving kiss. He brings her left hand to his mouth to plant a kiss to the ring her gave her before forcing himself down the hall to the guest room.
...
Harry had his explanation ready. It was all planned out a rehearsed to a T, but now as he stands before YN’s awaiting eyes in his mum’s kitchen the next day, he loses all the words he knows.
Yesterday was packed with activities and fun and laughter that it was hard not to pull her away from all that and explain himself. He couldn’t be the cause of her loosing her bright smile as they play another guessing game with his family. He couldn’t be the one to interrupt her laughter while they assembled gingerbread houses.
And the one time he actually had the chance to pull her off to the side, his little nephew pointed out that they were under the misletoe. All of his worrying thoughts came to a stop when she looked up at him with a shrug of her shoulders as his family all had their eyes excitingly locked on them. How could he even think to hesitate when she was so willing and pliable in his hands as he cups her face and presses his lips to hers—their first kiss since they’ve split up a couple of months ago. It was a short and sweet kiss for the sake of his family standing before them but how he wished they were the only ones in the room.
And there certainly was no way he was going to wake her after she falls asleep with her head on his shoulder as the older cousins sit around the living room to watch Christmas movies. When everyone begins to file out of the living room wishin him good night, all he can really do is carefully manuver her so she’s between him and the back of the couch and drap a blanket over the two of them. His heart and the warm feeling inside his chest only grows when she blindly reaches out for him, pulling him close and tucking her head in the crook of his neck.
Now in the cold light of day, Harry has to face the music and explain why his mum thinks the two are still together after already being months apart.
“It’s...look I,” Harry takes in a deep breath. It was already hard enough to proper gather his thoughts at the sight of her alone so it was extremely difficult now under the circumstances. “I didn’t mean to lead her onto to anything, I promise. She was so happy when we were actually together and, and when we broke up, telling her wasn’t necessarily the first thing on my mind. I meant to tell her soon enough and it completely didn’t come to mind that she still thought that way when she invited you over for Christmas. I appreciate you playing along and I’m forever in you debt because of that but, I will tell her. I will tell her today and as much as it will hurt her, I can’t imagine how hard all this is hurting you.”
Harry lets out a deep sigh. He had everything planned and it all came to bite him back in the worst way.
"Hurting me?" YN questions and he's taken back when she gently takes a hold of his chin so his gaze meets hers. "You've been doing the complete opposite. Yeah, this is all a little weird given the situation and I might have been caught off guard but...I miss you. I've missed you for...I honestly don't think I ever stopped missing you. I've been meaning to tell you that I'm ready to be with you, officially, but there never seemed like a good time. And I completely understand if you're not ready to be with me yet or don't want to be with me at all-"
YN is silenced by Harry stepping forwards, cupping her cheeks and pressing his lips to hers.
When he pulls back, he's met with her beautiful eyes that are glazed over in confusion.
"Don't want to be with you at all?" Harry asks in disbelief. "Of course I want to be with you. There's never a day that goes by without me wanting to be with you, YN. I'm ready, I've been ready. No more bullshit or back-and-forth or confusion. I want you, plain and simple."
"I want you, too," YN beams before pulling him back into her.
The two have gone back and forth between being together and not being together over the past two years but this time it feels different, it feels right.
"Well, good morning to you too."
Anne's voice instantly has them pulling apart and taking a step away from each other, like a couple of teenagers caught in an obscene act. Harry's mum smiles warmly at the couple as she goes towards the stove, "Tea, anyone?"
Harry and YN tuck their lips in and one glance at one another has them beaming in embarrassment.
...
"Baby, you have to stop pacing." Penny softly comments from her spot on the dining table as watches her daughter walk back and forth. YN hasn't stopped twisting at the ring on her finger. She's not doing it in contemplation or regretting her decision for this day, it's just a nervous habit she's done ever since she can remember.
"Knock, knock. I’ve got a special delivery from—” Louis peaks his head in from the curtained sliding glass doors and stops in his tracks at the sight of his childhood best friend—his little sister—in front of him.
YN stands before him in her mermaid-style wedding dress. The sleeves are off the shoulder and the length of her dress stops right at the bottom of her feet. Her veils trails behind her and cascades down her back and onto the ground. Her make-up is done naturally and her hair is down and clipped out of her face.
Tears threaten to escape his eyes but he sniffles them back as best he can, “Wow, YN. Yeh look...amazing.”
“I don’t really feel amazing,” YN continues her pacing, holding her hands in front of her stomach as she continues to twist her ring and push down on her fingers with her thumbs. “I dunno why I can’t stop my mind from racing. I’m happy, so fookin' happy right now, but I just can’t stay still and, and I feel all nervous and what if I trip and fall while I’m walking down the isle. This all feels so—”
“Hey, hey. Take a breath alright,” Louis quickly steps over to her and places gentle hands on her bare shoulders. He non-verbally instructs her to take in deep breaths with him: in through his nose and out through his mouth. “S’normal for to feel like this, love. You’re happy and you love him and that’s all that matters. But if you don’t want to go through with this either, I’ll start the car up and we can go down and grab a burger, alright? No one can say anything about it.”
After a couple of breathes, YN opens her eyes and flicker them back and forth between his.
“I, I want to see him. Like, if he can just tell me that it’s all alright, that this is all fine or to just hug him or something...”
“Well, I may not be able to give yeh that, but he did tell me to give you this,” Louis grabs a piece of paper from his inner suit jacket, YN carefully unfolds the paper and nearly cries at the sight of her fiancé’s hand writing.
Everything will be alright, my love. I can practically hear you pacing from the outside the house and please stop twisting at your ring or craking your fingers. Your hands will be in mine soon enough. I’ll be waiting at the altar. I love you so much it hurts. Harry x.
YN huffs out a laugh through her nose at how well he knows her. Harry wasn’t even told what she was doing, surely in hopes to not make him nervous but he knows her like the back of his hand. YN doesn’t even realize how her breathing as calmed down or how less jittery she feels from her anxiety earlier. She doesn’t even realize how big of a smile she has on her face until Louis takes her chin in between his fingers.
“She’s acting like he hung up the moon and stars by the way she’s smiling like that,” Louis jests and YN doesn’t even try her hand at a witty comeback.
“Thank you, Louis. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for everything you’ve done for me,” She says sincerely. “From when I was a little girl till now, you’ve taken care of me and looked out for me like a big brother should. You mean the world to me and I love you very much.”
With a tight lipped smile, he pulls YN into his arms before she can see his eyes begin to tear up.
“There’s no need to thank meh. I’d gladly do it all over again if I had to.”
The three of them turn their attention to a knock on the sliding glass doors before Gemma steps in with an excited smile, "It’s time.”
...
YN can hear the infamous wedding music begin to play outside and she takes in a shaky breath. Penny puts a loving hand overher daughter's that are tightly gripping onto her bouquet and it instantly calms YN’s nerves.
“Ready, my baby?” She gives her daughter the warmest smile, the smile that’s engraved into YN’s memory ever since she was a little girl. Penny was the only woman her no-good of a father brought home that actually acknowledged baby YN. Penny gave up her free, hippie lifestyle for one of a mother’s and it was a decision, a promise, she continues to fulfill every passing day since. She has been the parent, the provider, and the support that YN needed and YN is forever grateful for the woman standing beside her.
Penny has been more than two parents combined and so after giving her mum a nod, the glass doors slide open and the two woman begin their walk down the isle.
As YN takes her steps down to the altar, she spots the familiar faces around the small number of seats.
She passes by Mitch and Sarah as she’s slightly bouncing their baby boy in her arms.
She passes by the Tomlinson girls—the family she grew up with and calls her own.
She passes some of Harry’s close family members and holds back a giggle when Uncle David gives her two thumbs up.
She passes by the empty seats that were reserved for her two other bandmates who “couldn't make the trip” (an obvious outcome that the couple forshadowed yet still sent out the invitations nonetheless) but she smiles warmly when she sees her favorite blond lad. Niall smiles brightly at her before looking down at his shoes in hopes for her not to see the way he starts to tear up.
She passes Anne and Gemma in the front row, both with loving looks lighting up their faces. Harry’s mum mouths that she looks so beautiful and puts a shaky hand over her heart.
She passes Louis as he watches her with his lips tucked to the side to help stop himself from blubbering like a baby. He has been so calm, cool and collected during all of this but actually seeing his baby sister walk down the isle in her white dress is hitting him like a ton of bricks.
And lastly, she sees Harry standing before her at the end of the altar dressed in a simple yet classic tux, red-nosed and teary-eyed at the sight of his bride. When he meets her gaze, he quickly knuckles away the tears before giving her her favorite dimpled smile. He takes in a deep breath, unable to hold back the sob that racks through his chest.
With glossy eyes, Penny plants a gentle kiss to her daughter’s cheek before reaching out to place YN’s hand in Harry’s. He gives the older woman a kiss on her cheek, as well as a reassuring nod of his head as a nonverbal way of saying that he has her. After stepping up to face one another, Penny takes her place on the other side of the front row and as the ceremony begins, she seats herself next to the empty chair reserved for Jay.
...
“YN,” The officiant turns his attention over to the bride. “You may now read your vows.”
After Gemma hands YN the small piece of paper, she looks up to see her groom give her an encouraging smile.
“Harry," YN takes a shaky breath in and her vision already gets blurry. "Shit. Oh! Fook, I'm sorry. Shit! Ahh wait!" She puts a hand over her mouth as the audience laughs at her antics. Harry’s shoulders shake up by his ears and the outer corners of his eyes crinkle as he laughs.
"I love you," he leans over to plant a kiss on her cheek.
He lets out another laugh when she gives him an uneasy look of disbelief.
"Harry,” She starts again. “I don’t think there are words good enough to describe how much how I love you. You’ve shown me so many things, taught me so much about not only in life, but of myself. Before you, I wasn’t a very touchy-feely person. Now, I cannot go a day without one of your hugs. Before you, I couldn’t stand to listen to stupid love songs. Now, I’m constantly writing them about you. Before you, my world was seen in sepia. Now I see colors I never knew existed. You’re truly me best friend, the love of me life, and my soulmate. You understand me more than anyone else, more than myself sometimes. I can’t believe the day has come when we finish with the constantly changing labels of our relationship and finally settle it with husband and wife. I’ll never get tired of saying how much I love you and I can’t wait to start my forever with you.”
As soon as she finishes reading off of her tiny piece of paper, Harry steps forwards, cups her cheeks and plants a kiss to her lips. A couple of the men in the audience wolf and whistle loudly while the women playfully jab at them to quiet down. YN can’t help but giggle against her love’s lips, gripping onto the hands on her cheek before having to pull away.
“Harry, you may read your vows now.”
After calming his boyish smile, he takes his own piece of paper out of the inner pocket of his blazer and with a deep breath in, he begins to read his scribbled words.
“YN, it feels like I’ve been waiting my entire life to marry you. I knew I wanted you in my life when I first saw you at a Battle of the Bands competition when we were merely fifteen years old but I knew I wanted us to be more when we were put in a band a year later. We’ve gone through so many ups and downs over the past 12 years, and while it may have been frustrating at times, you were and always will be worth the wait. You’re my best friend and I truly cannot express how excited and happy I am to start this new chapter in our lives together as not just bandmates, secret lovers, blurry lines or merely as my best friend, but as husband and wife. I have loved you since 2010, now and forevermore.”
...
“Do you, YN YLN, take Harry Styles to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?”
“I do,” YN beams as she slides the wedding band onto Harry’s finger.
“Do you, Harry Styles, take YN YLN to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?”
“I do,” Harry breathes out a smile, sliding the wedding band onto his love’s finger to finish off the last piece of their ceremony.
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Harry, you may now kiss your bride.”
Harry doesn’t waste another second before he cups her jaw and smushes his lips to hers. He wraps his other arm around her back and YN grips onto the front flaps of his tux, pulling him in incredibly close. He leans her back and he can feel her smile against his lips.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Styles!”
...
“I dunno, H,” YN says, fidgeting with the rings on her fingers. Now that the two can confidently state that they’re officially together now, she’s scared that their relationship will be seen in the public eye. She knows that when they first started their on-and-off relationship two years ago, they kept it very low-key around their friends, in the studio and only later started to show PDA, but only to their close friends. They’ve managed to dodge past the questions and comments about them being an item for years but this was different. They’re officially a couple now.
The idea of going to a new year’s eve party and the fear of someone taking a picture of them while really doing anything can start a massive misunderstanding in their fandoms. The fans just knew.
“Jonny says that the people he invited were cool, only a handful of close friends,” It’s nice to know that Harry was also on board with keeping their relationship in the shadows. They’re very private people and keeping their personal lives out of the lights is something that they would like to keep. Harry grabs her fidgeting hands and holds them to his chest. “I think we deserve to enjoy more of our holiday before it’s over, don’t y’think?”
His words begin to process in her head as he clutches their hands together. His head bends down to kiss her knuckles, his thumb rubbing over the butterfly ring he gave her a couple of Christmases ago, and it almost made her knees give out. His head bobs a little as he moves to kiss each one. He lifts his eyes slightly to meet hers and she sighs deeply knowing he won.
“As long as I can kiss you whenever I want during the party then maybe it won’t be so bad,” She says, trying to fight the smile that creeps on her face. She’s still very paranoid about the party, but seeing Harry’s face light up at the sound of her agreeing was all it took for her to relax.
Harry cups her face in his large hands and pressed his lips to hers. She instantly reacts by putting her hands on his waist and turning her head to the side to deepen the kiss.
This feels right, it feels safe. Now that she’s told him what’s on her mind about their relationship, it’s as if everything seems too good to be true. She feels as if their new relationship is now stronger than whatever they had in the past with them both clear about their intentions, mentally in a better place, and their love for one another already well established.
Harry gently pushes her back until her back is touching the counter. As she feels his tongue slip past her lips, she grips the material of his hoodie around his waist in a silent plea for more.
“Let the girl breathe, will yeh,” Gemma's voice breaks their kiss.
YN feels the blood rush up to her face and she covers her face in Harry's chest. She feels his arms wrap around her shoulders and his chest vibrates as he laughs. YN hopes it's directed toward his sister rather than her red face.
“Oi, you’re just pissed that your boyfriend doesn’t show you the same affection anymore,” Harry says to his older sister.
“Bogger off,” Gemma says with a laugh. “When you’re finished with your little snog fest can you please send her over to the living room. I’m currently losing charades to a seven year old and she’s my lucky charm.”
“I’ll be there,” YN’s voice comes out muffled from being pressed against Harry's chest. Gemma gives Harry a nod and once he gives her one back in reassurance, she spins on her heel and exits the kitchen. "Why does this always happen?" YN asks with a shake of her head, confused about how they continue to get interrupted by their family members and it only makes a laugh tumble past Harry's lips.
...
The married couple sits side-by-side at the end of the long table set up in the backyard. Their mums sit on either side of their children while the rest of the family and friends sit down the line. Fairy lights blanket over the yard and it provides the most beautiful light over the small party celebration.
As the table is filled with the sound of chatter as everyone finishes up the pre-made home cooked meal, Harry has his arm draped over the back of YN’s chair where he’ll constantly lean over to her to whisper something in her ear or where she’ll ask to see his left hand again and hold it against hers to see their matching rings.
Louis gives Gemma a nod across from his spot on the table before standing up from his seat, clearing his throat as he taps a knife against his glass of champagne. The chatter begins to die down and soon enough everyone joins in on tapping their glass.
"This should be interesting," Harry whispers to his bride's ear and smiles when she lets out a giggle.
"Ello everyone. For the people who don't know, m'Louis—" Everyone chuckles since the only people invited were family members and close friends. Penny gives a smack to his arm before he continues. "As the best man, I'd like to give a little toast dedicated to the bride and groom. I've known Harry for over a decade and YN since she was practically in diapers. YN, you're like me little sister than anything. As annoying and frustrating as you can be sometimes—" The table laughs and YN has to resist from flipping off her childhood best friend. "—I love you so very much. Harry, I've witnessed more than anyone here how stupidly in love you are with YN. The amount of times I’ve watched these two idiots deny and hide their love from one another during our time in One Direction was truly excruciating to watch. Niall here can back me up on that. It’s that true, Nialler?” Louis lifts his glass towards their blonde friend who quickly nods his head and making the rest of the guests laugh.
“It was painful,” Niall agrees, leaning over to look at the marriage couple. “It even hurt me sometimes, you know?”
YN playfully rolls her eyes with a smile sitting on her lips while her husband pinches at his lips to keep his embarrassed smile at bay.
“But in all seriousness, seeing first hand how these two and fought and clawed their way through all the shit—” Penny smacks his arm once again at his vulgar language. “Sorry, sorry. Through all the obstacles that have thrown their way, their love prevailed through it all. Harry, I know you'll take good care of my sister...even if she stubbornly claims she doesn't need taking care of.”
The couple’s friends and family all make noises in agreement which makes YN playfully scoff at how fast and willing they all agreed.
“I wish you lot the best and a very happy life together. To the bride and groom."
As everyone lifts their glass in the air, YN can’t help but give Louis a weary smile before blowing him a kiss and mouths that she loves him too.
"Alright, as the maid of honor, I also want to give a toast," Gemma is next to stand. "YN, I've always seen you as a sister and I'm so happy that it's officially offical. I feel that I shouldn’t really welcome you into the family because you’ve always been apart of the Styles family for as long as we’ve known you. Harry, my baby brother," Gemma tilts her head to the side, putting a hand over chest with her lips tucked inwards in hopes to tame her tears. "I'm so proud of all you've accomplished but I'm most happy that you've found your soulmate. You guys were truly made for one another and I could not imagine a more perfect couple."
Harry leans his head towards YN’s and the rest their temples against one another, closing their eyes for a second to live in the incredible bliss they both feel.
With a quick wipe to her watery cheeks, Gemma smiles and lifts up her glass, "You guys are going to continue to have a wonderful life together and yes, I’m calling dibs to be your baby’s godmother whenever the time comes.”
“Oi! Yeh can’t do that,” Louis defends. “That’s for them to pick. And it was gonna be me anyways.”
“I think it’s only fair we get to be the godparents since they’re the godparents of our little one,” Sarah pipes up from the side of the table.
“And what am I?” Niall raises his hands. “A roach?”
As the table begin to get rowdy, Harry waves his hands up while YN just holds her stomach as it begins to hurt from laughing so hard.
“Hey, woah!” He sliences the group. “We just got married, people. We’re not even pregnant. We’re not pregnant, right?” Harry asks his love and it only makes her laugh harder.
“No, no we’re not,” YN pressed the sides of her index fingers under her eyes from the giggly tears that managed to escape. “Oh my word, that was awesome. Gemma, please continue on with your toast before I bust at the seam.”
“As I was saying, we are all so happy for the two of you. You two will have a very happy together. To YN and Harry."
"To YN and Harry!"
"And without further ado, I'd like to invite you two to the dance floor to present your first dance as husband and wife."
And with that, Harry takes his wife’s hand in his as he leads her to the small designated dance area behind their table.
With a click on Gemma’s phone, A Sunday Kind Of Love by Etta James begins to play out of the speakers somewhere behind them and everyone begins to gather around the small area. Their guests pull out their phones to capture the special moment but Harry pays no mind to them as he gently tugs her into him.
YN pulls him incredibly close to her, wrapping her arms tightly around the tops of his shoulders. Harry fully pulls her into him so that there is no space left between them. He digs his face into the crook of her neck and his blunt fingers press into the skin on her shoulders as they gently sway.
All else seems to fade away and it’s just the two of them together as they dance. It all seems so unreal, swaying with Harry—her husband—on their wedding day. Harry’s words the night before were unbelievably true in that he’s been waiting forever to marry this woman.
Like he needs to make sure he isn’t dreaming, he pulls his face from her neck and sure enough, his breath is knocked out of his chest at the sight of her looking up at him like that, with her bright eyes and golden smile. He can’t help himself from leaning down to capture her lips with his, although a little difficult after a while as they can’t keep their smiles at bay any longer.
After all the rollercoaster they’ve been on for the past twelve years, it seemed like this day would never come to be. Yet, as Harry mentioned in his vows, she was well worth the wait as he holds YN—his wife—in his arms.
Thankfully he will never have to let her go as he gets to have her forevermore.
taglist:
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#harry x 1dbandmember!reader#1dbandmember!yn#since 2010 series#harry styles x reader#watermelonsugacry's ficmas 2022#harry styles x you#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fic#harry styles ficmas#harry styles imagine#harry styles writing#harry styles au#harry styles x y/n#harry styles icons#harry styles smut#harry styles angst#harry styles fan fic#harry styles and reader
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I'd do anything for smiles, i'd move heaven and earth.
Authors note: Hiiii! Uhh, so this turned-out way more angsty and emotional than I planned, which is probably what happened when I just go with the flow and write instead of trying to plan it all out beforehand. But I really enjoyed writing this piece, so let me know your thoughts! Love, Elle x.
Word count: ca 4k words
Warnings: Angst, fluff, talk about babies and pregnancy
Summary: Harry wants a family with Y/N, actually, he wants nothing else. Y/N isn’t so sure about the whole baby thing, until everything changes.
Y/N never wanted to be a mother. She was mother enough to her siblings growing up, and she knew; if there was ever a want to have a child, it would be an already existing child who needed a home.
Harry on the other hand always knew that it was his calling to be a father. He had this constant baby fever, always agreeing to babysit his friend’s children and tending to their little ones. No wonder he had an abundance of godsons and goddaughters at the ripe age of 26.
He also knew he wanted children with Y/N, almost the minute he caught her eyes at that birthdayparty, but 3 months into their relationship, they still hadn’t talked about if there was a possibility of children in the future.
Y/N had grown up being told that having children was the ultimate goal in life. She’d been told stories about how rewarding it was, how much love you got to give and receive, and how all the newborn sleepless nights was going to be worth it. She always smiled at the comments, knowing she’d never feel that way.
Her mother always told her that she had been the same when she was younger, but then when she had met Y/N and her siblings father, she just wanted to give him a baby. Almost like her biology and nature was playing a bigger part than her conscious. Her mother had told her that Y/N was going to know when she’d met the right man, that she would know that she loved him, because she would want to give him a child that was half her and half him, but Y/N doesn’t think she’s ever heard anything more ridiculous in her life.
Don’t get Y/N wrong, she loved children, and they loved her just as much, it was just that she couldn’t picture her life surrounded by another tiny human being. Taking care of them constantly, them always needing her in one way or another, hovering ang clinging on to her. Y/N was out of breath just listening to people talk about children.
3 months into Harry and Y/N’s relationship
Harry had agreed to babysit Scout; Sarah and Mitch’s baby. Just for a few hours while they got some things done that would be at least 10 times more difficult with a needy baby around. Scout isn’t a baby really, at 13 months old, but Harry would never admit that fact to anyone.
Harry was on the carpet of his own apartment, laying on his stomach, looking at Scout who was currently stacking cubes to make a tall tower. Harry had absolute hearts in his eyes for this baby. Looking at the small blonde boy, Harry released a sigh he had been holding when Scouts tower of blocks finally held up and was steady enough not to fall over. “Look at you, Scout! Your tower is so tall!” Harry exclaimed, impressed at his godson’s work, and expecting Scout to push the tower over, and starting his project once again. Instead, Scout looked up with his bright blue eyes and walked over to Harry, who was now sitting up. Scout threw himself right in Harry’s arms, giggling and babbling something to him with his teethy grin.
Harry felt like he could cry. Melt into a little puddle on the living room floor, just a wet spot in the carpet for Y/N to mop up when she got home. “You’re too good to me” Harry said once again when Scout regained his balance and started over with his blocks again.
Harry placed his large hand over the baby’s back, strong him gently to let him know that he was still behind him. Scout had blonde little locks ending just at the nape of his neck, and a stylish little outfit on, he looked almost like a little old man. Harry curiously continued watching Scout playing, reacting to his towers and stacking, now and then running his hand trough Scout’s blond locks. Yeah, he could get used to this.
Y/N’s footsteps were heavy, coming through up the stairs to Harry’s house, and in over the doorstep. Her shoulder was aching with her massive tote bag carrying around everything she could possibly need for a workday – she just wanted to cuddle up at home, with Harry.
She heard giggles from the lounge as she took of her shoes. Simultaneously smiling and being slightly annoyed at the unwelcome guest, she was just so tired.
She walked through the hall until she arrived at the lounge. Two messy looking boys looked up at her in surprise, seeming very invested In building some kind of tower with building blocks.
“Hi my darlings!” Y/N put a smile on. She really couldn’t stay annoyed with Scout in the room, he just had this incredible vibe to him, it was impossible not to get in a good mood around him. “What a lovely surprise to come home to.” Y/N continues, settling down next to Scout and Harry. Although, just by looking at Harry, Y/N knew he was in baby-mode. A constant smile on his pink lips, eyes barely leaving Scout for a second.
Scout was happy to see Y/N, leaving his blocks for a minute to get some cuddles in from one of his favourites. Harry also leaned in for a kiss, smile still on his lips, putting his arms around them both and nuzzling baby Scout’s forehead with his own. Yeah, he was going to get used to this.
Later that evening, full of homemade pasta and wine, Harry and Y/N cuddled up on their sofa, Scout having left with his parents hours ago. Harry had waved him off and was throwing kisses to him as Mitch walked out with Scout in his arms.
“What’s with you, today?” Y/N whispered softly to Harry, lips ghosting over his jaw, leaving wet kisses along the stubble. Harry’s cheeks instantly flushed, feeling a word vomit consisting of love, babies and the future coming up his throat. He thought about babies way too often, and of course, he was still young and had many years to plan his family, however, when he looked at Scout and Y/N cuddling earlier in the afternoon, he knew he had to let it spill out how much he wanted a baby at some point.
“I just…” Harry trailed off, looking at the ceiling to try and calm his beating heart, knowing that with Y/N’s soft kisses on his jaw, it was going to be impossible. He continued, “Seeing you and Scout cuddling and playing today was just…you’re it for me. And I can’t fucking wait until we have one of our own. A little mix of you and me, I can’t imagine a more perfect thing even If I tried.” Y/N felt her blood run cold at his comment. He had taken for granted that they were going to have children one day, and she was going to have to break his heart with what she was going to say next. She felt cruel, also aware of how many women on this earth who would kill to have Harry say that to them.
She had been quiet for far too long now, frozen up in Harry’s tight embrace. She realized that it was no use for her to say anything else but the truth.
“Harry, we haven’t even spoken about having children. I…I’m not sure I want that for our future.” She spoke gently, knowing that this may break his heart into microscopic pieces, his feelings for her turning to absolute dust and flying off to an unknown destination.
It was Harry’s turn to freeze up. He could feel tears burn in his eyes, jaw aching at those simple words. She didn’t want to have a baby. She didn’t want to have a baby with him. Harry truly couldn’t imagine a worse scenario for himself. He had found the love of his life, but she didn’t want children. Harry knew better at this point in his life than to just keep it to himself. Bottle up his needs and feelings and bury then deep, deep underground. But right know, in this situation, he didn’t know what to do besides breathing deep and calming his becoming tears. “Dove, I, what do you mean you don’t want it? Not right now or not ever? C-cause I didn’t mean right now, I just-“. He babbled out, eyes still focused on the ceiling, knowing that if he looked at her, he’d break into pieces.
He awaited her answer with a sweat forming on his brow, hands clammy as they tried to hold on to her as well as he could, but metaphorically, he could feel her slip away from him already. “Not right now. And probably not at all.”
The tears he had held onto fell.
1 year later
Harry really hadn’t expected to become so emotional about their conversation from a year ago, he blamed it on his emotions running high from when he babysat Scout earlier that day.
Harry didn’t let Y/N see his tears that night, everything was still new between them, and after that night, they had both agreed that they would talk about it another day.
But the thing is, the thought of Y/N never wanting a baby with Harry, absolutely killed him. It was like ever since that day, he had a grey little cloud above his head, having her words wash over him like the high tide at any point of the day.
Harry knew he couldn’t hate her if she didn’t want children. He knew that some people just didn’t want children, and he would have to accept it, even though the thought of not having his own family was aching in his bones.
He knew that if this continued on, he would have to choose between staying with her, the love of his life, but probably never having children, and leaving her, knowing that he could have a family of his own, but never with the only person that he wanted that with. At this point, all the thoughts were swirling in his head, causing a migraine. It always turned out this way, and none of the options he considered was making him happy. He loved her so much. So much that he could barely breathe when he looked at her. He hadn’t been in love before he met her, and he was in love the moment she met eyes with him. She was everything, but this couldn’t continue any longer.
Harry felt all his emotions from that day resurface when he entered his bedroom, Y/N laying cuddled up on his bed, freshly showered, with her nose in one of his books he had recommended to her. As he stepped inside, his breathing was shaky, and from that point on, he couldn’t hold it together for even a minute longer.
Y/N looked up at him, confused with the sudden rush of emotions in the room. She opened up the duvet for him, and he crashed into her body like a limp doll, grabbing on to her for his life, knowing that it may very well be the last time that he got to do so.
Y/N had been on her own journey in the past year. A year of self-discovery, of pain, pleasure, and allowing things to come as they are without trying to put to much thought into it.
After their conversation about family and children that night, just three months into their relationship, Y/N was still sour about the way she grew up, caring for her siblings, taking on way to much responsibility at such a young age. But she wasn’t angry anymore. She had realized that it didn’t do her any good to think about her past and let it swallow her whole. She wanted to focus on the future, her work, her relationship with Harry and their future together.
She was so in love with him, like the moon loved the stars, like the river liked the rocks they were flowing with. He was everything.
The memory of their conversation from a year ago hurt her heart. She knew it had broke him. But they were also just three months into their relationship, she was angry at her family and fresh into being alone and self-sufficient as an adult. She couldn’t think about having kids, she wasn’t in the headspace.
But as their relationship evolved and bloomed, she couldn’t help but to think about their future together, maybe as a family. The glimpses of him with his godchildren, the way he was acting around them made her body run hot.
How much she denied she wanted children, she couldn’t anymore. It would be a lie. The thought she almost didn’t dare to think, their own baby was creeping into her head more and more since that conversation. Since she had truly fell in love with him. And there was no longer any reason do hide it or deny it.
Harry’s body was shaking under the duvet, gripping onto Y/N’s body for some type of comfort. Y/N was confused, but gentle, letting him trap her with his tall body, and running soothing circles over this bare back and shoulders. “Shhh, darling, what’s on that beautiful mind of yours, huh?” She said gently against his unruly hair, sticking out everywhere.
And he told her. He told her everything on his mind and placed all of his card on the table. He had given up any hope of being truly happy, weather it was with or without her. It was her time to cry, her breathing harsh and guilty. She didn’t know he was still thinking about that, and so constantly as well. She had been thinking about casually talking about it with him, revisit the conversation and drop some hints about her current state of mind. She had no idea he felt like this, like the only options were to be with her and have no children, or to leave her to be with another that could never make him truly happy, but he would have a family with.
Y/N let him spill out every single one of his thoughts, gently carding through his hair, trying to calm him down, and unconsciously letting him know that is was all going to be alright.
When he finished, he felt like jelly, his body weak and dehydrated. “Alright my love.” She told him as she switched their positions in the bed, their bodies flush against each other, facing each other with only so much as a few centimetres between their wet faces.
“Let me tell you about this past year…” She started, as he listened to her voice telling him everything he had wanted to hear all those months ago. His breathing was slowly evening out, but tears still fell steady as she went on. He placed pecks on her puffy lips now and then, listening, awarding her with more kisses when he realised; it really wasn’t as bad as he had thought, she did want a family. As long as it was with him, and as long as it was never going to be as it was with her own family.
2 years later
She was going to tell him tonight, and she wanted to make It special.
Y/N’s now fiancé was at the studio, and while on facetime with her best friend, Maya, she told her about something she had been keeping a secret for the better part of the 2 hour call. Y/N was pregnant. And she did want to tell Harry first, of course, but her head was spinning with thoughts and she wanted to make the announcement at least a little special, so she needed advice. Maya was screaming bloody murder over the call. She was jumping up and down, tearing up and couldn’t seem to get the information into her head. Her best friend was going to have a baby.
Y/N had barely even been able to work through the information herself, but she also had tears streaming down her face.
Her and Harry had another babytalk when they had gotten engaged, just 4 months ago. It had been hours into the night, the moon shining bright onto their bed and lighting up the room. They wanted it. They wanted it now. Names had been thrown around, ideas for a nursery, and Harry was absolutely dying to get started making a baby.
Y/N had a Nexplanon implant for the entirety of their relationship, and a part of her wanted to call the doctor immediately to have it taken out.
She did have it taken out, just weeks after their conversation. Harry was away on business for three weeks, the perfect opportunity as the little incision would leave a few bruises and scars on her arm. She decided on not telling him that she got it removed, and if she was able to become pregnant quick enough, it would be an ultimate surprise. She knew where he stood anyways, it wasn’t like he didn’t want to put a baby in her as soon as he could, he wanted nothing else.
“I honestly don’t even know how to tell him. “I want to make it at least a little special.” Y/N sighed to Maya over facetime, head empty of any and every idea she had ever had. “I don’t think it has to be that special, it’s still an intimate moment, and Harry will surely love it either way. I think with him it’s just best If you catch him when he’s in that disgustingly loving mood you always have him in.” Maya said and rolled her eyes. Y/N smiled at her comment. She did get him in that mood often. He was almost always loving up on her when he had the opportunity. “Yeah,” Y/N said, lost in thought about how to tell him. “I think you’re right, maybe I’ll get him something cute though, I don’t know. I just feel like I could absolutely burst, I just want to tell him right when he gets home.” Y/N continued, gauging Mayas reaction over the phone. Maya offered her a big smile. “I think you should just tell him tonight.”
Harry had burst through the door a little past 6 that night. Voice strained after a whole day of writing and vocals on his new record. He looked visibly tired, but he lit up as soon as Y/N met him in the hallway of now their house. Without a single word falling from his lips he reached his arms out for her, like a child needy for a good cuddle. And of course, she welcomed his embrace with her heart in her throat, like always when he was around her.
“Hi, Dove.” He murmured into her neck, as he breathed in her scent, making a home for himself in the crook of her neck. “Hi” She shyly got out as he embraced her, placing a few gentle kisses on her lips. “I have a surprise for you.” Y/N said cryptically as she looked him in his eyes, wanting to play It off as serious. “You do, yeah? My lovely fiancé at home, giving me a surprise, huh? You know I’d rather have you on a silver plate than-“ he said in his tired tone, eyes gleaming and playful as he straight up admitted his horniness right as he stepped through the door.
“Jesus Christ, you have the mouth of a sailor, I swear.” Y/N chuckled and pushed herself away from his grip, but not without giving him another kiss. “I’m pretty sure you’ll want this surprise.” She continued as she walked away from him, sitting down on their sofa.
Y/N had cozied up the room before Harry got home, fluffed the pillows, lit some candles and got out something to drink for them as well as placing the wrapped up pregnancy test on the coffee table.
Harry eventually arrived into the lounge, raising his eyebrow at the wrapped up gift laying on the table. “S’that for me?” He said playfully. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She felt guilty not telling him about her implant but was sure that the guilt would be washed away with pure joy and excitement at any given moment. Harry sat down right next to her, looking at her face carefully and studying it for any kind of clue of what could be hiding inside the wrapper. “You know you don’t ever have to get me anything, Dove, but it is a nice surprise.” He said, reaching for the gift on the table.
She could barely get any more words out of her mouth, they got stuck in her throat: Her eyes glazed over, knowing what was coming, which had Harry immediately dropping the gift, tending to her instead. “Hey, hey I’m sorry, was it something I said? Are you okay my love?” He carefully said as he took her in his arms, holding her and kissing her head gently.
At this point it was getting ridiculous, so she just laughed it off. She knew he would understand her behaviour when he got to see what was inside of that gift.
“Just open your gift already.” She lightly chuckled and made eyes at the gift, still sitting on the floor from where he dropped it.
And for a moment, something flashed in his eyes. Like he could sense what was coming, he eyed her for a moment, holding the gift in his hands. Harry said nothing more, but just ripped up the paper and was met with not one, but three very positive pregnancy tests, all yelling the word PREGNANT at him. “You’re going to be a dad, H.” Y/N almost whispered, and the tears had started falling for real this time. It was like the best confirmation in herfself that she could ever feel. THIS was what she wanted, the relief flowing from her, making her finally breathe again. Harry studied the tests quietly, Y/N could see his hand shaking from where he sat next to her. “This is a prank, you can’t- are you serious my love?” He looked at her for answers, and she could just kiss him with how he looked right now, lips puffy from biting on them, eyes wide and watery. “I’m fully serious, I got the implant taken out when you were away.” Y/N laughed and stroked his cheek for a moment. She couldn’t believe this was real, that he was real, and that he was hers.
And then he cried, he couldn’t get the words out, fumbling and falling right into her arms, making her fall back on the sofa. “You’re pregnant, Dove, we’re having a baby, I-“. Y/N could feel his wet tears on the side of her neck as he took in the moment, trying to regulate his tears and his breathing, but to no avail. He placed a large palm on Y/N’s lower belly, not yet showing any signs that she was expecting. He laughed, cried, and consistently stroked over her stomach as he kissed her with all the passion he had in his body. No matter how tired he was, he would never be too tired for a moment like this, it was like his whole body was on fire, never to be put out.
“I can’t even believe-, I love you so much, I love you, I love you and our baby so much, you’re everything, absolutely everything.”
And in that moment, Harry and Y/N realised that even if their ways had parted all those years ago, without having this baby, without having each other, everything would be pointless. This is what they were meant to be doing, this is where they were meant to be - in this exact moment.
#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#harry styles x reader#dadrry#dad!harry#harry styles one shot#ficmas
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love, actually
summary - you’ve grown the most comfortable around Harry
pairing: husband!harry x reader
word count: +1.4k
The first time you'd met Harry you pretended to be someone you're not. Not in the sense that you faked a secret identity, but more the way you acted was nothing like your actual self.
He had taken you to a nice restaurant in the centre of New York.
Both of you were sat at the table, under dim lighting and a busy ambience. The whole place smelt of burning wicker candles and fresh food being cooked. Harry had been a true gentleman so far, kissing you on both cheeks upon arrival, helping you take off your coat and pulling out your chair for you. The way he acted made you question your own mannerisms.
Instead of slouching back on the chair to read the menu, you sat uptight and cramped your back instead. Instead of slightly man-spreading, you sat with your legs crossed. Instead of taking out your ugly glasses to read the menu, you squinted to read the words instead.
That was mistake one when a plate of seafood arrived in front of you.
"Y/N, do you want to try some of my burger?" Harry asked politely, but you didn't know whether he was just asking out of kindness and didn't really want to share his food, "I'd love to try some of your seafood. It looks.. Lovely."
"Y/N, do you want to try some of my burger?" Harry asked politely, but you didn't know whether he was just asking out of kindness and didn't really want to share his food, "I'd love to try some of your seafood. It looks.. Lovely."
You didn't really notice the pause between his words because you were too focused on how pretty he looked when he talked, but you said yes regardless and the two of you swapped plates to try each others food. What you didn't realise was that Harry had purposefully asked you whether you wanted to try some of his food because he could tell the moment your seafood arrived that it was your worst nightmare.
He'd never tell you that he actually hated seafood though.
After you'd repeatedly made sure he was okay with swapping foods, you scoffed down, as politely as possible, the rest of his burger. The fries and potato salad were added bonuses.
It was after you'd finished your meal that you regretted putting on such tight trousers. They were squishing your stomach and you wanted nothing more to open the buttons on your trousers to let your food baby breathe, but you were in a very posh restaurant trying to make a good impression on Harry - so button closed it was.
"I've had a good time tonight." Harry smiled at you from across the table, holding his glass of red wine in his hand.
"You have?" You said instantly, the words falling from your lips before you could stop them. "God.. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just.. You really had a good time, with me, tonight?" You made yourself flustered trying to recover.
"Hey, Y/N." He reached his hand across the table to intertwine with yours, his thumb very subtly caressing a soft swipe against your skin, leaving butterflies in their wake, "You have been the best part of my evening."
And he left it at that. You thought he'd have picked up on the silly things you'd commented on or actions. Instead, he only looked at you as brightly as the flame from the candles were burning.
Now ten years later, everything had changed.
“Babe!”
“Yeah?” You shouted from the lounge where you were putting on Michael Bublé’s Christmas album onto the surround sound.
“Shall I take the roasties out?”
“Um,” You looked down at the timer on your phone. “Five more minutes, then yeah.”
“Okay.”
You walked into the kitchen to see Harry in his Christmas apron, which covered his Christmas jumper and blue denim Gucci jeans. He had a clip in his hair to make sure his hair didn’t annoyingly fall into his eyes whilst he was cooking.
Standing a little away from him, you mentally snapped a photo of this moment. Him cooking away and the starting sounds of Michael Bublé echoing through the house.
He smiled when he caught sight of you. You had left him in charge whilst you went to change into a nicer dinner outfit. It was date night, but the Christmas version and so you had decided to make a Christmas dinner between the two of you and get dressed up just to eat it on the sofa with ‘Love Actually’ playing in the background.
“You look beautiful, love.” His charm still worked on you after all these years.
“I’m surprised I still fit into these trousers.” You ran your hands down your thighs, before giving Harry a twirl of your outfit. The trousers were the same ones you’d worn on your first ever date with him and the jumper was the perfect Christmas jumper ever purchased. It had a picture of Harry on the front that said ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Harry Styles’ too.
“That jumper is awful.” He laughed, coming over to you to hold you.
“What do you mean?” You laughed back, in fake hurt.
“At least you got what you wanted.” He winked and you rolled your eyes, snaking your arms around his neck whilst his went around your waist.
A warm sensation cam over your chest at the anticipation of him leaning down to kiss your warm lips. You hummed a soft laugh when you finally got to taste him on your own lips, scrunching one of your hands a little tighter around the scruff of his neck whilst his hand on your waist held a little stronger.
You could feel him smiling into the kiss, making you smile back and lose touch with this lips for a moment.
“Stop smiling and let me kiss you, y’pest.” He told you off.
Both of you regained momentum and were greedy for one another lips. Both of you wanted to taste each other as closely as possible, tilting your heads from side to side as you explored each others soft lips over and over again.
Then your silly potato alarm went off on your phone, breaking you away from the kiss and reaching to turn it off. Harry cussed the potatoes for ruining you moment together, flushed cheeks, before going back to the oven to get the potatoes out.
Plating your dinner, you had never piled so much food on a plate before. You couldn’t even tell what was at the bottom, but you didn’t care because you were hungry and you were so excited to get tucked into your first Christmas dinner of the year. Harry’s plate looked very similar to yours, only he had the veggie equivalent of the meat you were having.
“Y’want another Yorkshire?” Harry asked, holding it with his fingers.
“Obviously.” You said like he was silly to ask, receiving it on your plate with a happy grin.
“Anything for that smile on your face.” He said, before pouring gravy all over both of your plates.
Halfway through eating your dinner you let out an internal burb, no doubt due to the Shloer you were powering through drinking, excusing yourself before resting your half eaten dinner on the table in front of the sofa.
Both of you had cosied up on the sofa, a soft glow from the warm coloured fairy lights and array of candles filling the room, whilst ‘Love Actually’ was playing on the TV.
“Full?” Harry asked.
“Just need my food baby to breathe for a second.” You said, whilst undoing your trouser button and zip until your little food pouch was showing.
“Aww. What are we calling them?” He prodded your stomach, making you laugh from how cold his fingers were against your warm skin.
“The Accident.” You replied making Harry laugh.
After you’d finished dinner and made it halfway through the movie, you left your plates on the table and you’d collapsed into Harry’s lap. Your head laid on his legs comfortably, whilst he kept a hand ahold of your stomach like he was protecting all the contents of it. He too had to open his jeans button and you had poked fun at his snail trail that started at his belly button.
“Oh this bit breaks my heart every time.” You pouted, watching Emma Thompson act perfectly on screen.
“I would never do that to you.” Harry promised, pushing his hand off your forehead and back through over hair, leaning down to leave a quick but loving kiss to your lips - even if you did both taste of a roast dinner.
“I know. And neither would I.” You promised him too with a small smile.
“Think we love each other too much.”
“I agree.” You nodded. “We make a very good pair. We definitely make the best, most stomach-filling Christmas dinner. And we always have the best evenings together.”
“And you’ll always be my favourite part of it all.”
#harry styles#harry styles x reader#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x y/n#harry styles fanfic#ask finelinevogue#harry blurb#finelinevogue#harry styles concept#harry oneshot#finelinevogue ficmas 2022#finelinevogue ficmas#ficmas#husband!harry#harry styles blurbs#harry styles fic#fic rec harry styles#harry styles fluff
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Blanket stealer.
In which it’s a cold night and there’s only one duvet.
Day 6 of my 12 days of Xmas concept (half way!!!)
FLUFFF!!!
—————————
With fluffy socks and fuzzy pjs y/n was bundled under the thick duvet on her and her boyfriends shared bed, in London it was a staggering 5 degrees and no matter how high the heating was, she still couldn’t find the warmth.
Without a word H walked Into the room a smile creeped up on his face with the sight of his girl bundled up. He immediately spotted the occupied tv that was playing the Christmas classic “ love actually” which happens to be one of his favourite movies..
“Budge up beautiful” he says walking up the bed “m’finally warm and comfy and y’want me to move?, what kind of boyfriend are you?” She drags remaining in the same position. “S’only room for one drama queen in this house darling” he said lifting the duvet slightly revealed her sleep face “y’not a drama Queen ya just an arse babe” she said grabbing the duvet and pulling it back up to her face. With the eagerness of wanting attention from his girl he wasn’t giving up easily.
While pulling the duvet down from her body he comfortably allows himself to lay on top of the girl. “Babe!!!! Your fucking freezing get off” she squeals “m’not cold” he said placing his hands on her cheeks “babyyyyy stooppppp” she giggled “your hands are sooo coldddd” she groaned. Y’gonna move up then” he said with a satisfied smirk “Okay okayyy” she giggled pushing her boyfriends chest to allow her too move once both comfortably next to each other y/n holds a pout on her face. “M’cold again nowwww!!” She sulked. “C’mere then” he said open arms, no matter how pouty or sulky she was, there was no way she was going to ignore his offer. ————
1:34 am the clock read and y/n woke up once again freezing cold. It had seemed that her cuddly and sleepy boyfriend had completely stole the duvet that was shared between them for himself. “Fuck sake H” she mentally sighed. She didn’t want to go through the nuisance of waking him to take the duvet from him so she simply rose from the bed and went on a mission to find her own.
All she could find was a small quilt that lied in the spare room, she took that and went back to her shared room where her boyfriend was still tangled in there duvet. As the night went on y/n manage to fall back to sleep next to H, but it wasn’t long until he realised his arms were empty. With his eyes slowly open he spots his girl on the far edge of the bed with only a thin quilt. Guilt crashes his mind once he realises that she must of got up to get it instead of waking him up and asking for the duvet back. “Oh baby” he whispers, he slowly works himself towards the sleeping girl and slings an arm over her waist making sure she was close to him, he also made sure both the duvet were covering him and her ensuring they were both comfy and warm.
#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#my fic writing#harry styles au#12 days of Xmas concept#12 days of ficmas#🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼#harry styles blurb
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Twenty Four Days of Ficmas
Harry/Louis | Zayn/Liam | 12k | 24 Chapters
Twenty four days of One Direction Christmas ficlets!
Get ready for large amounts of Christmas tooth-rotting fluff. Evles! Meet-cutes! Large amounts of hot chocolate, light dustings of snow, and several boys that may or may not make Santa's nice list!
Six Weeks
Harry/Louis | 20k | 7 Chapters
When Harry takes the afternoon shift at the cafe, he meets a boy who drinks a lot of tea and never remembers his umbrella.
Here's to Many More
Harry/Louis | Zayn/Liam | 8k
Harry Styles is nothing special. He grew up in the foster system and now, at eighteen, he's out on his own. He's just sort of… existing.
That is until one day, when it's cold and raining and he takes a chance on a coffee shop instead of a forty minute bus ride during rush hour. There, he meets a boy who talks too much and draws friends to him like a magnet.
Merry Christmas, here's to many more.
Home for the Holly Days
Harry/Louis | 2k
Louis’s participating in the Secret Santa exchange between all the Hogwarts professors stuck at school over the winter holidays, and the Sorting Hat may fancy itself a bit of a matchmaker.
Frankincense-ational
Harry/Louis | Zayn/Liam | Niall/Shawn | 31k | 25 Chapters
Do Not Falter (There's a Star Ahead)
Harry/Louis | 2k
It's Christmas Eve, and every single one of Louis' family members are crowded inside his little flat. Really, what more could he ask for on his birthday?
The present he never knew he wanted - in the form of an omega from his past - might just make this his most memorable Christmas.
Forget the Silent Nights
Harry/Louis | Zayn/Liam | Niall/Shawn | 44k | 25 Chapters
For years afterward, everyone who lived at 404 E. Redwood referred to that Christmas as The Christmas we stole a baby.
Technically, that wasn’t the strict truth, as Evie had already been five years old by the time she came to stay in their crowded (but loving) home. And technically they didn’t steal her.
Either way, the last Christmas with the seven of them in that broken old house on Redwood all together was probably one of the most memorable holidays each of them had, what with the wedding and the the snowstorm and the raccoons in their attic…
And the baby they stole, of course.
Unto You
Harry/Louis | 3k
Louis is a lamplighter celebrating the saturnalia season in his own way.
Harry is heavily pregnant and new in the city.
The holiday of Christmas is yet to be created.
Give A Little Sing To The Singles
Harry/Louis | Zayn/Liam | 31k | 25 Chapters
Harry Styles is an adult now, with a real adult job (and benefits! Whatever those are!). He spends his days at the copier. Copying things.
That being said, no one told Harry that being an adult came with a confusingly chaotic boss, a copier machine that would be hell-bent on ruining his life, and a coworker so good looking that Harry might just have to quit. After all, Christmas is coming and if their office doesn’t win the decorating contest, Louis has threatened to break several laws and kneecaps in retaliation.
Happy Christmas, here’s to many more.
You Don't Have To Be Lonely This Christmas
Harry/Louis | Zayn/Liam | 35k | 25 Chapters
Louis knew that it would happen sooner or later. He was struggling, and his roommates weren’t. It only made sense for them to offer his place in the house to someone else.
But now, it’s the first of December, and he has less than a week to find somewhere cheap to stay. At least until after the holidays.
Enter: an old friend with an old house and a suspiciously empty bed.
Happy Christmas, here’s to many more.
All Your Mates Are Here
Harry/Louis | Zayn/Liam | Lewis/Niall | 36k | 25 Chapters
"The pack is… It's folding, Harry."
Like every werewolf does when they get to a new town, Harry joined one of the many local packs when he started university. Now, three years into his program, he's hit with the news that his pack is giving up, going their separate ways. In the wake of the holidays, the three single wolves from the Majestic pack are pointed in the direction of a new pack to join; one that's got struggles of its own.
A new pack, a new house, and two new roommates with personal space issues… Plus exams, of course.
Happy Christmas, here's to many more.
Oh Little Town of BATHlehem
Harry/Louis | 2k
Louis Tomlinson needs a small pink bathtub.
He needs it.
His fucking family had forgotten to include him in the email chain for Doris for Christmas, with her very carefully thought out Christmas list, until every easy item was gone. Only when he asked Lottie if anyone else had heard from Doris yet, only then did they realise their mistake and forward the email chain to him.
So, it’s either a small pink bathtub or an entire bouncy castle. And if he had the money for a bouncy castle that would be fine, but that fucker costs more than his monthly rent and he simply does not make that much working as an optometrist assistant.
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Hot Coco by the Fire ☕(mild SMUT) /blurb/ (12 days of blurbs)
Alternate Title: You Make-Out by the Fireplace
Day 1. > December 14, 2021
AN: not much but something. this title was requested by @harryssweatcreaturee .
This story contains: mild smut, fluff
{ boyfriend!harry - soft!harry }
word count: 552
12 Days of Christmas Blurbs Masterlist (all previous/coming up blurbs here)
While drinking some hot chocolate by the fireplace, you and Harry end up sharing some passionate kisses and sensual touches.
There's a soft orange glow from the fireplace that's illuminating the living room. You and Harry are sitting upright in front of the long sofa, cups of steaming hot chocolate in your hands. Its quiet for the most part. A comfortable silence. Just sounds of the embers flying up the chimney from the fire ahead and sounds of sipping as you drink your warm, sweet liquid.
After a few minutes pass of drinking the hot coco and watching the wood burn in the fireplace, Harry sets his mug down on the side table and carefully grabs yours from you, setting it beside his. "Wha... what are you doing Harry? I wasn't finished with mine." you mutter.
Harry turns to you and whispers a, "Shhh." He reaches out and cradles the side of your face in his large hand. His emerald eyes burning holes in yours. Then he leans forward and gently connects his lips to yours. You're taken back at first but soon relax when you feel Harry's left hand reach around and run up and down your back, also pulling you in closer.
Now the sounds of kissing travel through the room. Harry's warm, pink tongue pokes out and you know he's asking for entrance. So you part your lips slightly and he slowly dips his tongue inside, not wanting to shove it down your throat but to carefully caress your tongues together.
Eventually how your bodies are turned becomes painful for Harry's back. He pulls apart from your lips and softly speaks in a winded voice, "Sit on my lap, love. So we're more comfortable." You don't hesitate to maneuver your body so it's straddling his lap. Then once you're in that position, you begin making-out again. This time much closer.
Harry slides one hand up your shirt, caressing your naked breast, you having no bra on. You lean forward and have one hand on his shoulder and one hand combing through his brown curls. Your tongues softly stroke one another's and you can feel puffs of air coming from Harry's nose as he breaths heavy due to the lack of oxygen.
His mouth tastes of peppermint and chocolate from him having added some peppermint into his hot coco earlier. Harry's upper lip is scratching your skin from his little bit of facial hair. And the hand he has caressing your boobs, it starts to pinch at your nipples causing you to moan into his mouth.
Unconsciously, you start to grind your hips down onto Harry's. You can feel how hard he's already gotten in his joggers. Your clit rubs perfectly over his erect cock and this time Harry can't help but to moan into your warm mouth.
Minutes of making out and sensual touching, you break away from the kiss, strings of spit connected from your lips to his, and whisper, "Need you now. Wanna feel your cock inside me, please."
"Alright love, go strip off and lay on the rug." Harry instructs. You do exactly that and he follows behind you shortly after. Taking one last sip of his now room temperature hot coco and removing his clothes off, tossing them across the living room. Then crawls on top of your body and the sex begins. Right in front of the cozy fireplace on this cold, winters night.
(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITTING IS NOT EASY AND ITS FREE SO JUST DO IT)
tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @evanjh // @harryhoney-bee // @beachwood-cafe // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @elenagilbert01 // @bohogothic // @damnasstyles // @mrsstylesthings // @peaceandloverry // @softmullet // @harryssweatcreaturee // @meetmyblondemuffins // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @seaveystanleystyles // @spencharry // @michellekstyles // @pilgrim-harry // @stallrry
let me know if you'd like to be added on my tag list in my next post by telling me HERE (let me know if i forgot to add you)
______________
Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)
My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST
Harry Styles Series - One Shots & Blurbs Masterlist
Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)
#harry styles#harry styles blurb#boyfriend!harry#harry styles smut#soft!harry#softsmut#smut#harry styles fluff#harry styles ficmas#ficmas#harry styles short story#harry styles kissing#harry styles making out
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Boyfriend H “come snuggle me!!!”
--
Brit Award afterparties at the o2 Arena were...interesting.
Harry had a good night tonight, well, you both did.
To see Harry be recognised and awarded for his talent, hard work and dedication to his music was a dream to you, and you couldn't be prouder.
Award show after parties went on well into the next morning, and this one was no exception.
It was 8am when you and Harry stumbled out of the taxi and through your shared front door. Still drunk and in last nights clothes.
Although you had remained fairly sobber for most of the morning, since about 4am, Harry was still very, very drunk.
You thanked the driver, leaving a large tip on your uber app, for the driving having to deal with Harry's drunken conversations for 45 minutes at 8am.
You hooked your arm round Harry's waist and lead him upstairs. He was tripping over his own feet and the stairs with a giggle, his vision blurred and his head spinning.
"Come on you, let's go to bed" You chuckle tiredly.
"Shhhhh don't wake the cats Y/N!" Harry whisper shouts, leaving against the wall as you reached the top of the stairs.
"H...we don't have any cats" You bite your lip to silence the laugh.
"We don't have cats?...we should get some cats" He whines sadly.
"Okay, sweetie, we can discuss having cats tomorrow okay?" You smile softly, leading him to the bedroom and sitting on the bed.
You take his jacket off and help him to undo his shirt buttons.
"Are you taking advantage of me in my drunken state?!" Harry teases, attempting a fake gasp, but executing a hiccup instead. His words slurred and his body swaying with a smile.
"You're such a menace Styles" You shake your head with a gentle sigh.
"I'm Dennis the Menace!" He punches the air happily before tumbling back onto the bed.
You giggle quietly and pull off his trousers, leaving him in just his underwear as you strip your dress off and pull on one of Harry's baggy tees.
"Now come and snuggle me!" Harry pouts.
--
#lollypopsx#ask#ems#harry styles#harry styles imagine#harry styles x reader#harry styles blurb#harry styles x y/n#boyfriend!harry#harry styles fluff#harry styles fanfic#harry styles ficmas#lollypopsx dialogue game
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Ficmas 2020 Fic Recs
Hello babes! Here is a list of my favorite fics from this year for @stylishmuser 31 Days of Christmas! Hopefully it brings something new to you! I highly suggest checking out all of these authors masterlists as well... they’re incredible xx
s e r i e s
Collide by @oh-honey-styles - Incredible, magical, kismet. Harry and Franki wormed their ways into my heart and I loved every single moment of their story. This is one of those stories that you know will just stay with you, randomly popping into your head long after its over.
Trick of the Light by @andwhenshesays - Another to add to the list of stories that stay with you forever. I’ve never read anything like this... every single word pulls you in more until you’re completely lost in their universe. The yearn, it’s unbelievable and overwhelmingly beautiful.
Hold my Hand by @harrytheehottie - Godddd I love Sophia so much, maybe even more than Harry in this one. Their dynamic is so good, and you’re rooting for them so much just hoping they can get it together. We love the pain bitch!
Rumor Has It by @stylishmuser - These two... these two. Ishika and Harry are practically forced together but the relationship that forms... IM CRY. It’s amazing. This is probably once of the softest versions of Harry that I’ve read and I adore it. Absolutely beautiful!
Sail The Widest Stretch by @beautifulletdownfics - Oh my god. So good. The progression of Harry and Amelia’s relationship, the plot, the angst... CHEFS KISS.
Cloudbusting by @starsstruck - A bitch loves a coffee shop au! They are so timid with each other and smitten, so good!
Noir by @harrystylesgotmefuckedup - Duuuuude. This story is incredible, the writing is impeccable. It’s so real. I’m still obsessed with it and think of it often.
Unplanned by @idkthisisjustforfanfic - The angstttt, I love and hate the pain. Just rip my heart out already I don’t need it! I felt like I yearned with Harry throughout the story I wanted them to be together so badly lol. This is one of those stories where I’d discuss every chapter with my girls, like a little book club. Amazing!
o n e s h o t s
Stretch by @andwhenshesays - salkjdflfhadlskfsah DISGUSTING. So fucking good it’s DISGUSTING. So hot.
Hazy by @oh-honey-styles - BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM. That shirt literally jumpstarted a three way love triangle between me, Anne and Kate lol. INSANE. SO GOOD.
Open by @bfharry - this conceptttttttt. and i loved how it turned so soft at the end!
Blurred Lines: Met Gala Rewind by @permanentcross - literally everything in this universe is so good it makes me wanna fall off my roof.
Stand and Deliver by @all-things-fic - this is SICK. It’s too good. So hot.
Just Kidding... Unless? by @harrystylesgotmefuckedup - friends to lovers smutty goodness i’m in love.
Blue Dream by @starsstruck - another friends to lovers... are we sensing a theme here lol. getting high to lovers if you will??? are you kidding me? this is the first piece i read of charlotte’s and i’ve been hooked since!
Stir Me Up by @luminescencefics - this literally punched me in the face. the buildup dude - so freaking good!
Shut Up and Kiss Me by @real-work-of-art - first time writing smut WHERE? i loved it!
All Roads Lead To Rome by @soysauceharry - um there are no words? italy harry running around in teeny tiny shorts coming back to your villa looking like that. amina’s writing is over the top incredible!
happy reading!
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Voices Singing (Let’s Be Jolly)
Written for Ficmas Day 2
Pairing: Michael Clifford/Harry Styles
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Key Tags: Strangers to Lovers, Christmas Lights, Piano Player Michael
Word Count: 4,987
Read on AO3
Summary:
Harry loves Christmas and singing in his community choir. Michael hates Christmas but is playing the piano for their holiday concert, anyway.
“Liam,” Harry says sweetly, batting his eyelashes a bit for good measure, “do you have a pencil I could borrow?”
Liam sighs, like Harry’s existence is a hardship, which is probably semi-true given how often he forgets his pencil and has to bother Liam for one. He’s been part of this choir for a few years, and part of ones in high school long before then, yet he always forgets his pencil and half the time he forgets water, too. It’s amazing that he’s made it this far in life. At least, that’s what Liam said the last time he asked for a writing utensil.
“You know this is our last rehearsal with music, right?” Liam asks, even as he produces another pencil from his pocket and hands it over. “You should’ve written everything down by now. Next rehearsal is memorized, then dress, then the performance.”
“I still think it’s dumb that we’re expected to be memorized this year,” Niall chimes in. “We’ve never had to be memorized before!”
“It’s the new director,” Harry says. “He wants us to be more professional.”
“Well, he did save us from ruin this past season and lobbied for the parks and recs program to keep us in the budget, so I think the least we can do is memorize our music,” Liam says.
Harry hums. Liam has a point: Ashton really did save them this past season, swooping in like a white knight to prevent their funding from getting cut and to keep the arts alive in their town. Apparently he’s one of Calum’s friends (although Harry doubts friend is the most accurate word to use there) and loves a good cause, and although this is his first season directing he’s done it well so far. That doesn’t mean that Harry is enthusiastic about the extra work of memorizing his music, even if he typically practices enough to naturally do so, anyway.
Liam doesn't have a chance to reiterate his point and try to drive home just how bad Niall and Harry's work ethic is, because at that moment Ashton himself strides into the rehearsal space, folder tucked under his arm and already undoing his scarf.
"Good evening, everyone!" he calls as conversations die down around the room. "Hope you're all well. We'll be getting started shortly, but first I'd like to introduce you to our pianist for this concert. Obviously since we're not acapella like last concert I can't sit there playing the accompaniment. No one wants that, but Michael has graciously agreed to be here for our next few rehearsals and play for us at the concert. Michael?"
Ashton turns to the piano, finds it empty, and frowns.
"Uh, has anyone seen Michael? Calum, do you know where he is?"
Every set of eyes in the room swivels towards the tenor. Calum shrugs.
"He's here somewhere. I lost track of him after we got out of the car."
Ashton sighs. It's the same sigh he uses when the choir isn't getting a harmony that he's already played ten times, the kind that typically makes Harry dig his heels in and work harder.
It's comforting that someone else can make Ashton this exasperated, though. If Michael is making Ashton sigh like that without even being in the room, Harry feels a bit better about the choir's general inability to sight read harmonies.
"Okay," Ashton says, running a hand through his hair. "I'm going to start warmups. Cal, can you call him and tell him to get his ass over here before I fire him? Let him know I'm serious."
"He won't buy it," Calum says. "He knows that he's the best accompanist you could get, especially this short notice."
"Just get him here, please?"
Ashton makes it almost the entire way through their usual warmups before someone new enters. Harry assumes it's Michael based on the sheepish way he approaches the piano and the way Ashton pointedly doesn't look at him. He has a beanie stuffed over blonde hair, dark pants, and a black sweatshirt, and he looks as young as Harry and Ashton, if not younger. That doesn't mean that he can't be a great pianist, but there's not much time to learn the music, and Harry doesn't know what his practice schedule is going to be like if he's showing up to rehearsal late despite apparently being somewhere in the building. Still, Harry likes the look of him. He gives Ashton a wide smile that makes him deflate when he actually graces him with a look, and Harry swoons a bit. It's a cute smile.
"Everyone, this is Michael Clifford, our accompanist," Ashton says, standing and letting Michael take the piano bench instead. "He's going to be on time from now on."
"There were snacks," Michael protests weakly.
"Those are for the company holiday party using the auditorium, not for us."
"Oh,” he says, wrinkling his nose. “I thought they were a bit Christmas-y."
Ashton sighs again, then turns back to the choir.
"Let's start with "O Holy Night," shall we? From the beginning, I'll stop you when I need to. Music is okay today, but we're memorized for the next rehearsal, so try to look away."
Ashton consults with Michael about tempo while everyone gets their music. The piano player flips through the sheets once, nods at Ashton, and then Ashton counts them off.
Harry forgets to sing.
Michael is an amazing player. He's obviously sight reading, completely focused on the sheet music except for the very occasional glance at Ashton's conducting, but he doesn't miss a note. Harry has been around many accompanists, and they all get the job done, but not all of them could sight read a piece of music perfectly. In fact, none of them could, not with an accompaniment like this. Harry has looked at the intricate piano line many times in the past wondering what it would sound like, and Michael hits every grace note and chord, even when he has to roll them because his hands aren't large enough to reach all the notes at once.
The one thing missing is his expression. Technically Harry is pretty sure the playing is perfect, but there's no feeling in it, and Michael's face is almost bored the entire time. It’s common to focus more on technicalities than expression when sight reading, but Michael could easily put some feeling into his playing.
Ashton cuts everyone off halfway through the song to go over a harmony they still haven't quite locked in and remind everyone where they’re allowed to breathe. Harry finally pulls his eyes away from the pianist and focuses on the music instead, but he finds his eyes constantly drifting back to Michael over the course of the rehearsal.
He even manages to hit everything correctly in their arrangement of "The Christmas Song," which has more accidentals than usual. Harry is amazed. He’s astounded. He’s feeling a little warm.
There’s nothing as attractive as a musical man. One who plays piano is even better, because he obviously knows how to use his hands. Michael already was an attractive man when he first walked in, but then he smiled, and then he started playing. Harry falls in love pretty quickly, but this might be a record.
Michael leaves the room as soon as rehearsal ends, standing from the piano and walking straight out the door the moment Ashton dismisses everyone, meaning that Harry doesn’t have a chance to talk to him even though he gathers his belongings in record time. It’s disheartening, but he brushes his disappointment away. He has a few rehearsals left, and he’ll be sure to talk to him next time.
“Hey,” Louis says, nudging him out of his thoughts. “Ready to go?”
"Yeah," Harry says, already heading to the door. Louis takes a moment to get his feet to move and catch up.
"Really?" he asks. "You don't want to bother Liam and Niall more?"
"No, let's go home."
"Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah, fine. I just have some stuff to do."
Louis frowns.
"Like what?"
"I think... I'm going to make cookies. Everyone likes cookies, right? Michael said he was late because there were snacks."
"Michael? The accompanist?" Louis stops in his tracks. "Harry, do you have a crush? Are you trying to woo the accompanist with baked goods? You know that hasn't gone over very well in the past."
Now it's Harry's turn to frown.
"That's not my fault. I make good cookies. I used to work in a bakery."
"Yeah, sweeping the back and occasionally manning the till."
Harry's frown deepens. Louis sighs and wraps an arm around his shoulders, continuing their walk out to the car.
"Come on, cheer up. I know your cookies are great, but I don't want you to get your hopes up only to have your heart broken, especially when you don't even know if this guy is worth it."
"It's just cookies," Harry says. "I'll save you some if you help me."
Louis considers, but Harry knows he's got him. Harry is the only reason that they have consistent food in the apartment, because Harry is the one who likes cooking. And baking. And doing the laundry. And most of the cleaning (except taking out the garbage).
Honestly, what is Louis going to do when Harry woos Michael and leaves to be his househusband?
"Okay," Louis says. "But be sure he's worthy of your cookies before you give them to him."
"Louis, he played piano perfectly while sight-reading. He even got all the accidentals in "The Christmas Song." What more could I ask for?"
"Ugh, don't remind me about the fucking accidentals," Louis groans. "You're lucky you're on baritone. The tenors have a terrible harmony in that one."
Louis launches into a rant, one that Harry has memorized because he’s heard it so many times before. Harry tunes him out and does a mental checklist of their ingredients to ensure he has everything he needs for Michael's cookies.
-/-
Michael won't stop talking to Calum.
Harry was happy to see him walk in a few minutes before the start of rehearsal, but he hasn't left Calum's side since, keeping up a consistent line of chatter that Harry has no hope of interrupting. It's nice to see him energetic and passionate rather than sheepish or bored, but at this rate Harry's never going to get to talk to him because Calum is taking all of his attention.
Harry is pretty sure that Calum is dating Ashton. He's had conversations with half the choir about it, and he's certain he caught a glimpse of them kissing before the last concert, although it was dark and he looked away quickly to give them some privacy. Calum and Ashton certainly act like they're dating and trying to hide it, but what if Harry is wrong? What if Harry doesn't stand a chance with Michael because Michael is already seeing someone? Is Harry going to spend the next few weeks being jealous of Calum, of all people?
Ashton enters the room with much less fanfare than last time, setting down his folder and wandering over to Michael and Calum to speak to them. Calum greets him with a sweet smile and Ashton puts a hand on his shoulder as he talks, letting his fingers brush Calum's cheek on the way down and lingering there long after Michael has rolled his eyes and gone to the piano.
Yeah, Harry is pretty sure that Calum and Ashton are dating, even if Michael carpools with Calum and enjoys talking his ear off. Harry still has a chance, and if Michael does have someone else then Harry can’t be faulted for not knowing.
The rehearsal goes relatively smoothly, except Harry is even more distracted by Michael given that he doesn't appear to be actually looking at the music. He has it in front of him so Ashton can tell him measure numbers when they stop and restart, but he rarely looks at it, instead watching Ashton's tempos, closing his eyes and stretching out his neck while he plays, or letting his eyes wander around the room.
He catches eyes with Harry at one point and quirks an eyebrow. Harry quickly turns his attention back to Ashton and hopes he's not blushing too noticeably, but he still watches Michael more than the conductor.
He can’t believe he memorized the music after only one rehearsal. This guy is amazing.
Michael doesn't run out of the room the moment that rehearsal ends this time, which means that Harry can take a moment to gather his things (including a tupperware container full of cookies) and his wits before following him out.
"Hey!" he calls, jogging a bit to catch up with him. Michael glances over his shoulder, then eyes Harry when he falls into step beside him.
"Hey," he says warily. "Harry, right?"
"Yeah," Harry beams. He has no clue when Michael heard his name given the size of the choir, but he's very pleased that their very first introduction isn't going to be Harry hitting on him. "How's it going?"
"Fine," Michael says, glancing at Harry again. "What about you?"
"Good, good," Harry says. "I love having an accompanist for the choir. Ashton is fine when we're learning the notes, but he's not exactly a piano player, no offense to him. It's nice to hear the actual piano line."
Michael snorts.
"Ashton's a shit piano player. He's alright at guitar, though."
"Well, to thank you for saving us from his playing at the concert, I made you some cookies! I hope you're not allergic to anything, but they're mostly sugar cookies with buttercream frosting, with a few gingerbread ones thrown in."
He holds out the tupperware. Michael blinks at it before turning a disbelieving grin at Harry.
"You made me cookies?" he asks, lifting up the corner of the lid to look at them and take in the Christmas trees, stockings, reindeer, and snowflakes. "Oh. They're Christmas cookies."
"Is that a problem?" Harry asks. "I thought it was appropriate, since you're accompanying our holiday concert, but you don't have to take them if you don't want to."
"No, it's fine!" Michael says, pulling the tupperware fully out of Harry's grip. "These are my cookies now. No take backs. I just don't like Christmas very much, that's all."
"Why?" Harry asks, frowning. Then he gasps. "Wait, are you Jewish? Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed--"
"No, no, I'm not Jewish. I'm not much of anything, really. I just used to work retail, and this was always the worst time of year," Michael says with a sigh. He looks up, like he was going to roll his eyes but decided it was too much effort. "Everyone is rushing around trying to find gifts and being rude about it, and everyone is more stressed than usual, and you're supposed to buy gifts for people that they'll just end up returning the next week anyway, and you hear the same four songs over and over and over, and most of the time they're not even good songs. Believe me, if I could put a hit out on Mariah Carey, I would."
"But... what about the joy?" Harry frowns. "The Christmas cheer?"
"The older I've gotten, the more I've realized that with Christmas, the bad outweighs the good. When you can believe in Santa it's fine, but even when I was a kid I thought Santa was an asshole for giving some kids coal instead of presents. Also, he only ever gave me socks. What kid wants to get socks from Santa?"
"Why are you accompanying a holiday concert if you hate Christmas?" Harry asks. Michael shrugs.
"Ashton asked me to. Besides, I like playing, and at least you guys aren't doing "All I Want for Christmas Is You.""
Harry hums. They did that one last year, and it didn't go very well. As a choir, they're much more suited to classical pieces than pop songs.
"Do you do other concerts?" Harry asks. "You're really good. Like, really good. I've been watching and you hardly need to look at the music, but you hit every note."
"You've been watching?" Michael asks, raising his eyebrows.
"You're nice to look at," Harry flirts, just to test the waters. Michael smiles and side-eyes him.
"To answer your question, I don't play other concerts, usually," Michael says. "Maybe I would if all of them had such wonderful baritones, but I only ever do it when one of my friends asks. Piano has always come easy, so I wasn't willing to put in the work necessary to do it professionally, you know? I don't want to have to hustle. It's just something I do for fun."
Harry hums. Sometimes he thinks about whether he should've tried to go into music, but he also thinks he wouldn't enjoy it as much if it was his job. He likes the choir, he likes singing karaoke with his friends, and he likes teaching himself guitar badly from YouTube videos. Having to do it all the time with the pressure of earning money might change that.
Besides, if Michael was famous, he probably wouldn't have landed in Harry's little corner of the world, playing piano for a community choir instead of at a famous opera house or equally grand venue.
"I get that," Harry says. "I'm glad Ashton asked you to play for us."
Michael hums and considers Harry again. "Yeah," he says eventually. "Me too."
They've reached the front doors now, a small barrier from the cold outside. Harry sticks his hands in his pockets and casts around for something to say, but comes up empty. He has to step aside to let a few other choir members through, and when they pass Michael turns to him again.
"I'd love to tell you how the cookies taste," he says. "I'm sure they'll be amazing, but if you give me your number you can get my enthusiastic first reaction."
Smooth. Harry can respect it. It's definitely not the worst excuse someone has tried on him to get his number, and it saves Harry the trouble of having to figure out how to ask Michael for his. He hands over his phone easily, balancing the cookies for Michael while he types in his number then sends himself a quick text, and once he's confirmed that he now knows how to contact Harry he smiles again.
"I've got to get the car warm for Calum, otherwise he'll throw a fit once he and Ashton are done canoodling," Michael says. "Expect a text from me soon, though."
"Have a nice night," Harry says. "I'm looking forward to it."
-/-
Michael keeps his promise and texts Harry later that night about the cookies, including a lot of exclamation marks and happy emojis. Louis reads it over his shoulder when he sees him smiling so widely at it and says that at least Michael has a good appreciation for Harry's gifts, but Harry is too busy replying to mind.
It turns out that texting Michael is extremely easy. Conversation flows constantly between them, first about food, then about favorite movies, music, other hobbies, and work. Michael is funny and uses emojis liberally, almost as much as Harry himself does, and Harry loves checking his phone to see a new message or question waiting for him. Harry finds himself waiting on the edge of his seat for whatever Michael is about to say next, whether it's the answer to a question, a new random thought, or the flirty texts that have become a bit more pronounced each time one of them sends one.
For once in Harry's life, seduction-via-cookies seems to be working. In fact, it's working better than he could've dared to hope, because the only thing that keeps Michael from being perfect is that he hates Harry's favorite holiday. Even that isn't a huge deal, because Harry is confident that he can at least get Michael feeling neutral about it if they spend enough time together. Sure, Michael has been burned by the retail experience, but there's a lot of magic still to be found in the Christmas season. Harry thinks he’s at least shown him a little bit of that magic with the cookies, and he’s determined to show him more.
That’s how he finds himself in Michael’s car after their dress rehearsal, Calum left to catch a ride with Ashton, Louis heading home alone. Harry is on a quest to show Michael a little bit of the true Christmas spirit, and Michael has been kind enough to indulge him.
(Michael actually is the one who suggested that Harry take him out and try to convince him that Christmas doesn’t suck. Harry is going to have to start initiating something in this relationship, because so far Michael has a leg up on him.)
“So,” Michael asks, drumming his thumbs against the steering wheel. They’re still in the parking lot of the church that they’ll be performing in, letting everyone else leave first. Harry spent a long time inside the church looking at all the decorations. It’s beautiful, even if it’s not fully decked out for Christmas yet.
“Where to?” Michael asks. “Show me the meaning of Christmas, Harry!”
“Well, the true meaning of Christmas is in your heart,” Harry says. Michael shoots him an unimpressed look, so Harry puts an address into his phone and lets the map direct them, both of them making small talk in between the automated voice commanding them where to turn. When they finally arrive at the destination, Michael cautiously pulls into a parking spot and peers out the window.
“A light display?” Michael asks. “I’ve seen Christmas lights before.”
“But you haven’t seen them with me,” Harry says. “It’ll be different, trust me. Come on!”
He manages to coax Michael out of the car and pays their entrance fee. It’s a bit late in the night, meaning that the crowd has thinned slightly, but Michael still sticks close to him. Harry gets the hint and takes his hand, making him smile.
There are millions of lights strung up in various shapes and formations along the path, creating tunnels for them to walk through or scenes to watch. They linger for a long time at each display set to music, and Harry watches the multi-colored flashes dance across Michael’s face.
“They’re pretty, I guess,” Michael says eventually.
“I think they’re beautiful,” Harry replies. “I like that they chase away the dark. I hate how dark it gets in winter, but the lights feel like our way of fighting back, you know? Even when things seem bad, we can still find ways to make them better and more bearable.”
“That’s nice,” Michael hums. “I kind of like the dark.”
“Emo,” Harry teases, carrying a joke from their texting when Michael said he listens to My Chemical Romance. Michael sticks out his tongue, then returns to watching the lights. Harry can tell that he isn’t convinced yet, though, so he takes Michael a bit further to a hot cocoa hut where they can step inside and get a break from the cold. They’re serving eggnog, cider, and other festive drinks as well, but hot cocoa is the best, and Harry orders two cups for them. They find a table off to the side where they can sit and warm themselves a bit, the atmosphere calm and peaceful. The hut itself is a rustic design, with lots of exposed wood and pine boughs decorating the tables, and Harry loves it.
“I try to come here every year for the cocoa,” Harry says. “It’s so good. I like a lot of festive drinks, actually.”
“You know you can drink them year-round, right? You have that power,” Michael muses. Harry sighs, although he does it with a smile. He likes that Michael is still giving him a chance despite his stubbornness. Harry would hate to start a relationship with someone who refused to challenge him or to compromise.
“It tastes better when it’s cold out. I appreciate it more now.”
Michael takes a sip of his cocoa and hums in satisfaction. Harry counts it as a win, especially when Michael’s shoe presses against his under the table.
“To me, Christmas is about making the most out of a bad situation,” Harry says. “It’s cold. It’s dark all the time. Sidewalks are slippery and snow gets in your shoes. Winter doesn’t have many redeeming qualities, but Christmas opposes all of that. It says “I’m going to take horrible conditions and make something joyful out of it instead. I’m going to put up lights to fight the dark, show my friends and family I love them with gifts, and encourage everyone to sing and be jolly.” Even Christmas trees are about how life goes on despite hard times, and Santa gives kids something to look forward to and hope in when there’s not much else. That’s why it’s my favorite holiday.”
Michael nods slowly, sipping his drink. Harry watches him.
“I like how much you like it,” Michael says. “And I can admit that there’s maybe a few redeeming qualities.”
Harry breaks into a grin. Michael tries to hide his own grin in his cocoa, but Harry isn’t blind. He can see it as clear as the lights outside.
They spend a bit more time in the hut, then continue on the path through more light displays until they get back to the front. Harry pulls Michael aside before the last display, glancing up until they’re in position.
“How do you feel about mistletoe?” he asks. Michael’s eyes light up, which means that Harry is contractually obliged to draw this out. “It’s a Christmas thing, so I get if you don’t want to–”
“Shut up,” Michael laughs. “I want to. I’m willing to kiss on the first date.”
“Well, lucky for you, I’m a Christmas traditionalist and mistletoe happens to be part of this display,” Harry says, glancing up. Michael follows his gaze and spots the green plant hanging above them. When he looks back down, Harry leans in, hands landing on his waist. It’s cold and their lips are chapped, but Michael tastes like hot cocoa and kisses him back in kind.
Michael takes him on a detour to McDonalds before dropping him off at home, extending the night because neither of them particularly want to say goodbye. He sings along to the radio as he drives, the station tuned to modern pop rather than Christmas songs. He has a good voice. It has a really interesting quality to it, one that Harry could see allowing him to sell out venues with an electric guitar and explosive stage presence.
“You know, the only thing that could make your piano playing better is some passion,” Harry says. Michael glances at him, but doesn’t pause his passionate rendition of the latest Taylor Swift song. “You’re amazing, but everyone can tell when you’re bored. If you played with half the passion you’re singing with right now, you’d be incredible. You’d steal the show.”
“Maybe it’s a good thing I’m not, then,” Michael says at a break after the chorus. “It’s supposed to be about you guys. I’m just there for support.”
Harry hums.
“Besides, I’m not exactly thrilled with the song choices. Maybe if Ashton invites me back in the spring and you guys do some good pieces you’ll get the full brunt of my talent.”
Harry hums again. Michael pulls into the drive-through and looks at him.
“What?” he asks.
“Nothing,” Harry shrugs. “I just think you have the opportunity to put on an amazing show and make people really happy by listening to you. Even if you don’t like Christmas, there’s some merit in the music. The piano melodies are really pretty.”
“If you say so,” Michael says. “Maybe I’ll put a little passion in there, just for you.”
“Really?” Harry asks, heart jumping.
“Sure, why not,” Michael says, oblivious. “Do you want fries?”
-/-
The night of the concert brings a few nervous jitters and a lot of excited ones. Harry dresses in his best concert black with a green tie for an accent, and he meets the rest of the choir behind the sanctuary of the church with a wide smile and encouraging words for everyone. Michael joins them shortly, and to Harry’s delight he beelines right to him rather than chatting with Calum like he had the past two rehearsals.
“Hey. You clean up nice,” he says, giving Harry a once-over with a hand on his arm.
“Thanks, so do you.”
Michael put on a suit coat for the occasion. Harry has always been a sucker for men in formal clothing, even if Michael’s style leans more towards oversized streetwear.
“Are you excited?” Michael asks. “Ready to spread the Christmas spirit with your carols?”
He says it sarcastically, but Harry sees right through him. He’s happy to be here.
“Of course,” he replies. “Are you?”
Michael shrugs.
“Will you do it for me?”
Michael rolls his eyes.
“You can’t use that card too often or it’s going to lose its power,” he says.
“But does it have power now?” Harry asks cheekily.
“Maybe. Guess you’ll have to wait until the concert to see.”
Michael kisses Harry’s cheek, then leaves to go over logistics with Ashton. Harry continues his rounds, chatting with friends and giving comforting words to anyone experiencing stage fright, and before he knows it it’s time to line up for the concert.
Harry takes his place on the risers and lets his eyes sweep over the crowd. He picks out a few friends who are there to support him, then meets Michael’s eyes during Ashton’s pre-concert speech. Michael waggles his eyebrows and winks. Harry tries not to laugh.
When Ashton counts them off, Michael takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and plays with a smile on his face.
#mirry#5sos fanfiction#one direction fanfiction#ficmas 2021#my writing#i'm sorry it's so late lol i'm going to try to post earlier in the day for the others#but in my defense it is still before midnight for me!#also i did not anticipate this many words i had to write 3k today which is a lot for one day for me#that's on me for planning poorly lol but in my defense this year in general is going to need more words than last year#anyway! dear anon who requested this! i hope you enjoy it!#anyone else want a rarepair? have some mirry
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Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
part ii
pairing: harry styles x fem!reader
warnings: none really.. not edited.
summary: in which y/n's friends book her an amazing gig, but they don't mention anything about her favorite singer being in attendance.
request: nope!
your friends were more than aware of your obsession with harry styles. it’s not like it was a secret.
so, it only made sense that when you started to sing in bars and cafes — anywhere, really — that you’d always incorporate something of his into it. whether it be a love on tour crewneck, a song of his, a one direction song, or a song about him — you loved to cover style, because.. who didn’t want to strut on a stage to a song everyone knows?
however, you weren’t aware of what they were planning when they somehow booked you in a very prestigious bar.
the dress-code for this bar was strict. your usual get-up of jeans and a crewneck — or jeans and anything, really — was vetoed before you could even ask. so, you searched through the depths and trenches of your closet until you found a black, skin-tight cocktail dress that ended right at your mid-thigh.
“seriously, babe. you know sign of the times inside and out. you’re just psyching yourself out,” one of your friends, melanie, told you.
“i know, but.. still.”
“you doubt yourself too much.”
“so you tell me everyday. now shoo! i’ve gotta be onstage in five.”
you weren’t exactly sure how you got onstage. you’re pretty sure you blacked out.
as you nervously scanned the crowd, you spoke into the mic, “hi.. my name is y/n. uh.. i’ll be singing some songs tonight. i figured since it’s christmas eve, i could sing through a few.. christmas classics or whatever. so.. yeah!”
a few people in the audience laughed at your awkwardness.
you sang through last christmas first, which really boosted your confidence. the audience was very interactive, singing, dancing, and clapping along.
you sang a few other christmas classics. santa baby, let it snow, things like that.
and then.. it was time for the section you very much dreaded. your songs.
“so.. these next few songs are songs that i wrote. they’re.. like.. my babies. so.. please be nice to them,” you laughed.
you nodded to the band. a silent signal that they could start the music.
“when you first told me about her, you said she was thirty. and i just can’t help but think.. you knew it was dirty. and maybe you were just a little sad, but there’s no excuse to lie to me like that. but when you first told me about her, you said she was thirty,” you took a deep breath before belting the chorus, “but she’s only twenty-eight. i’m not even half her age. she probably just had her first high school reunion. you’re probably the first guy she’s ever moved in with. you think that i wanna hate. but you set me up this way. so for my health i’ll be blocking your number, ‘cause you couldn’t wait till i got a bit older.”
the crowd cheered, giving you more confidence as you walked around the stage.
“and sometimes i kinda feel like i wanna forgive. but it never crossed your mind that maybe i’m still a kid. and i’m so used to being the adult. even when you say it’s not your fault. but i’m kinda getting sick and tired of crying. so please stop lying, and lying, and lying. she’s only twenty-eight. i’m not even half her age. she probably just had her first high school reunion. you’re probably the first guy she’s ever moved in with. you think that i wanna hate. but you set me up this way. so for my health i’ll be blocking your number, ‘cause you couldn’t wait till i got a bit older. to tell me she was twenty-eight.”
as the drums and electric guitar got more intense, the lights flashed different colors.
“to tell me she was twenty-eight… what the fuck is twenty-eight? you said she’s mature, so that makes it okay. and you said she likes sports, so that makes it okay. and she’s actually pretty, so that makes it okay. but there’s nothing you can say that makes twenty-eight okay.. to me.”
the crowd cheered as you lowered the mic. a smile overtook your face as you laughed.
you walked back over to the mic stand, putting the mic in the slot as a slow, piano-ballad type song started. the lights switched to a soft white.
“they’re always charismatic. and they’ll turn up the charm. their words do something magic, saying no is really hard. they’re over-generous, you’ll never pay the bills. they’ll fall in love in seconds. die for you, or probably kill. ooh. and after six months, you’ll feel really stupid. ooh. i promise that it’s not your fault you fell for it,” you shook your head, keeping your eyes closed as you sang, “‘cause.. one little fight breaks into war. feels like you’re dying on the bathroom floor. you’ll make an excuse. you’ll say that it’s you. and the mirror’s telling you it’s true. won’t leave, can’t stay. how much are you gonna take? ‘cause you’ll always take the blame. it feels like shit, but that’s just how it is. when you love a narcissist. so if you’re feeling crazy.. i wouldn’t be surprised. the only thing they’re good at’s knowing how to gaslight. then make you feel like the most beautiful in the world. while they’re sleeping with another girl. ooh. and after six months, you’ll feel really stupid. ooh. i promise that it’s not your fault you fell for it, ‘cause.. one little fight breaks into war. feels like you’re dying on the bathroom floor. you’ll make an excuse. you’ll say that it’s you. and the mirror’s telling you it’s true. won’t leave, can’t stay. how much are you gonna take? ‘cause you’ll always take the blame. it feels like shit, but that’s just how it is. ‘cause i felt like shit. so i know how it is. when you love a narcissist.”
the crowd cheered as it went straight into another song.
“when you’d yell, i would stay quiet. you never noticed i was quiet. i was taught that speaking up was talking back. always first to say, ‘i’m sorry’, ‘cause i wanted you to like me. and i thought that’s what it took to make it last. it’s a lose, lose. that i don’t choose. but you don’t always choose the ones you love. i shouldn’t have to be the bigger person. how come i have to break to keep us working? it’s always up to me, even though it shouldn’t be. i’ll take the blame the way you want me to. ‘cause that’s what i do for you. i was half of this dynamic. i was stable, you were manic. without you or with you comes with a cost. i got used to the excuses and emotional abuses. we kept moving the lines we never crossed. it’s a lose, lose that i don’t choose. but you don’t always choose the ones you love. shouldn’t have to be the bigger person. how come i have to break to keep us working? it’s always up to me, even though it shouldn’t be. i’ll take the blame the way you want me to. ‘cause that’s what i do for you. i always think it’s over, but it never really is. but i can’t get the closure when you’re like this. can we switch? maybe this time you’ll be the bigger person. ‘cause i’m getting tired of carrying all your burden. it should be up to you, but you won’t admit the truth, oh-oh. shouldn’t have to be the bigger person. how come i have to break to keep us working? it’s always up to me, even though it shouldn’t be. i’ll take the blame the way you want me to. ‘cause that’s what i do for you.”
the crowd cheered again.
“thank you! we have.. four more songs tonight. this next one is would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.”
a crew member came and slipped an electric guitar around your neck. you quietly thanked them as you cleared your throat and the music started.
“if you would’ve blinked, then i would’ve looked away at the first glance. if you tasted poison, you could’ve spit me out at the first chance. if i was some paint, did it splatter on a promising grown man? and if i was a child, did it matter? if you got to wash your hands? oh-oh, oh. all i used to do was pray. would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. if you’d never looked my way, i would’ve stayed on my knees. and i damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil at nineteen. and the god honest truth is that the pain was heaven. and now that i’m grown, i’m scared of ghosts. memories feel like weapons. and now that i know, i wish you’d left me wondering. if you never touched me, i would’ve gone along with the righteous. if i never blushed, then they could’ve never whispered about this. and if you never saved me from boredom, i could’ve gone on as i was. but, lord, you made me feel important… and then you tried to erase us. oh-oh, oh. you’re a crisis of my faith. would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. if i’d only played it safe, i would’ve stayed on my knees. and i damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil at nineteen. and the god honest truth is that the pain was heaven. and now that i’m grown, i’m scared of ghosts. memories feel like weapons. and now that i know, i wish you’d left me wondering. god rest my soul, i miss who i used to be. the tomb won’t close, stained glass windows in my mind. i regret you all the time. i can’t let this go, i fight with you in my sleep. the wound won’t close, i keep on waiting for a sign. i regret you all the time…. if clarity’s in death, then why won’t this die? years of tearing down our banners, you and i. living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts. give me back my girlhood, it was mine first,” as you held the note, the crowd screamed.
“and i damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil. at nineteen. and the god honest truth is that the pain was heaven. and now that i’m grown, i’m scared of ghosts. memories feel like weapons. and now that i know, i wish you’d left me wondering. god rest my soul, i miss who i used to be. the tomb won’t close, stained glass windows in my mind. i regret you all the time. i can’t let this go, i fight with you in my sleep. the wound won’t close, i keep on waiting for a sign. i regret you all the time. oh, god rest my soul, i miss who i used to be. the tomb won’t close, stained glass windows in my mind. i regret you all the time. i can’t let this go, i fight with you in my sleep. the wound won’t close, i keep on waiting for a sign. i regret you all the time.”
with the final strum of your electric guitar, the crowd stood up to applaud. the crew member switched out the electric guitar for an acoustic one.
“this next one is called ceilings.”
a little bit more applause.
“.. ceilings. plaster. can’t you just make it move faster? lovely to be sitting here with you. you’re kinda cute, but it’s raining. harder. my shoes are now full of water. lovely to be rained on with you. it’s kinda cute but it’s.. so short. then you’re drivin’ me home. and i don’t wanna leave, but i have to go. you kiss me in your car. and it feels like the start of a movie i’ve seen before. before… bedsheets, no clothes. touch me like nobody else does. lovely to just lay here with you. you’re kinda cute and i would say all of this. but i don’t wanna ruin the moment. lovely to sit between comfort and chaos.. but it’s over. then you’re driving me home. and it kinda comes out as i get up to go. you kiss me in your car, and it feels like the start of a movie i’ve seen before.. but it’s not real. and you don’t exist. and i can’t recall the last time i was kissed. it hits me in the car. and it feels like the end of a movie i’ve seen before. before.”
you laughed as you saw melanie and your friends stand up in the back of the bar, dancing on stools.
“i can see my friends dancing.. so badly because they love the next song,” you laugh.
“once the flight had flown. with the wilt of the rose. i slept all alone. you still wouldn’t go. let’s fast forward to three hundred takeout coffees later. i see your profile and your smile on unsuspecting waiters. you dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor. you search in every maiden’s bed for something greater, baby. was it over when she laid down on your couch? was it over when he unbuttoned my blouse? ‘come here,’ i whispered in your ear in your dream as you passed out, baby. was it over then? and is it over now? when you lost control. red blood, white snow. blue dress on a boat. your new girl is my clone,” you smiled, knowing was part comes next. “and did you think i didn’t see you, there were flashing lights. at least i had the decency to keep my nights out sight. only rumors ‘bout my hips and thighs, and my whispered sighs. oh, lord. i think about jumping. off of very tall somethings. just to see you coming runnin’, runnin’. and say the one thing i’ve been wanting, but no. let’s. fast forward to three hundred awkward blind dates later. if she's got blue eyes, i will surmise that you'll probably date her. you dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor. you search in every model's bed for something greater, baby, was it over when she laid down on your couch? was it over when he unbuttoned my blouse? ‘come here,’ I whispered in your ear in your dream as you passed out, baby. was it over then? and is it over now? oh. oh. think i didn’t see you? there were flashing lights. at least i had the decency to keep my nights out sight. only rumors ‘bout my hips and thighs, and my whispered sighs. oh, lord. i think about jumping. off of very tall somethings. just to see you coming runnin’, runnin’. and say the one thing i’ve been wanting, but no. let’s fast forward to three hundred takeout coffees later. oh. i was hoping you’d be there. and say the one thing i’be been wanting… but no.”
another round of applause as you passed off the guitar.
“so.. this song is not my song. i am.. very nervous for this, but.. this is sign of the times.”
you closed your eyes tightly as the music started, “just stop your crying, it’s a sign of the times. welcome to the final show. hope you're wearing your best clothes. you can't bribe the door on your way to the sky. you look pretty good down here. but you ain't really good.. we never learn, we been here before. why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? the bullets? we never learn, we been here before. why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? the bullets? … just stop your crying it’s a sign of the times. we gotta get away from here. we gotta get away from here. just stop your crying, it’ll be alright. they told me that the end is near. we gotta get away from here. just stop your crying, have the time of your life. breaking through the atmosphere, and things are pretty good from here. remember everything will be alright. we can meet again somewhere. somewhere far away from here.. we never learn, we been here before. why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? the bullets? we never learn, we been here before. why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? the bullets? just stop your crying. it’s a sign of the times. we gotta get away from here. we gotta get away from here. stop your crying, baby, it'll be alright. they told me that the end is near we gotta get away from here. we never learn, we been here before. why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? the bullets?” you finally opened your eyes, trying to find melanie, but instead, you find the last person you expected to be here.
the man whose song you’re literally singing.
harry was slightly weary when an over-excited girl with light pink hair came up to him and asked him — begged him, really — to come to her best friends show. he wasn’t sure what convinced him. or what possessed him to bring his mother and gemma along with him.
but he had to say, he didn’t.. regret it.
you were pretty — extremely pretty. and you were a crazy good singer. he was pretty sure you were singing his song better than him.
you swallowed your nerves as you sang the chorus and bridge, keeping eye contact even though you felt like shitting your pants. “we never learn, we been here before. why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? the bullets? we don't talk enough. we should open up. before it's all too much. will we ever learn? we've been here before. it's just what we know. stop your crying, baby. it's a sign of the times. we gotta get away. we got to get away..” you finally looked away, closing your eyes. “we got to get away. we got to get away. we got to get away. we got to, we got to, away. we got to, we got to, away. we got to, we got to, away.”
you let out a shaking exhale as the song ended, backing up from the mic. you bowed and blew kisses to the audience before practically sprinting offstage.
to: mel x
WHAT THE FUCK MELANIE WHY THE FUCK DID INJUST MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HARRY STYLES WHILE SINGING SIGN OF THE TIMES IM GONNA KILL
MY
SELF.
from: mel xx
NOOO I INVITED HIM ITS FINE
to: mel xx
you
what.
from: mel xx
I SAW HIM A WEEK AFTER WE BOOKED YOU THE GIG AND MIGHT HAVE BEGGED HIM TO COME BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WANT TO MEET HIM AND WHAT BETTER WAY THAN THIS
to: mel xx
oh i dunno
ANY OTHER WAY?
from: mel xx
BABE IT IS FINE
HE BROUGHT HIS MUM AND GEMMA TOO
to: mel xx
WHAG
from: mel xx
HE SAID HE LOVED IT AND U WERE OHENOMENAL
NOW GET OUT HERE AND MEET HIM
after taking ten minutes to breath, you walked over to the bar, finding melanie pretty easily.
“i love you so much for playing is it over now!”
“i played it just for you and your psycho obsession with it,” you laughed as she yanked you into a hug.
you two pulled away, and you turned around when you felt a presence behind you.
your eyes widened when you were face to face with harry fucking styles.
“hey.. y/n, right?”
you blinked a few times… that couldn’t be real. this was most definitely a prank.
“.. are you alright?”
“yes! sorry, i’m.. yeah, i’m good. hi, yeah. i’m.. y/n.”
he smiled at you, “i’m harry. but.. you seem to already know that, since y’sang my song and all.”
“i.. yeah, i do know who you are,” you laugh awkwardly.
“well, i’m glad to know who you are as well.”
you had to bit your lip to keep from smiling like a psycho.
“oh, and uh.. happy christmas,” he smiled.
you furrowed your brows, grabbing your phone.
12:01, 25 december 2018
happy christmas, indeed.
a/n: edging 😛 LMAO this might get another part, it lowk just depends on how well it does!!
#harry#harry au#harry styles au#harry styles#harry styles x reader#harry styles x you#harry styles fic#ficmas 2023#harry styles ficmas#harry styles one shot#harry styles oneshot#hs#harry styles imagine#harry fic#harry imagine#harry oneshot#christmas#singer!reader#fan!reader#harry x reader
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There's a version of life that i want, and it's just like this.
Words: 4.6K
Warnings: embarrassingly sweet fluff that may be giving you a toothache.
A/N: hi loves! Now let me tell you, THIS was self-indulgent. But I’m blaming some of you who’s asking for Harry and Y/N’s first meeting, SO, here you go, it’s absolutely filled with cliches and fluff – which is exactly what I’m into. Please let me know what you thought of this and if you'd like to hear more from them! <3
Summary: Their first meeting. Eyes searching for the other in the sea of people, clumsy, clammy hands grabbing at each other in the night, just for some sort of connection. Y/N swore up and down that love isn’t something you just find, it’s something you create. Oh, how wrong she was.
Masterlist HERE
The first meeting
It was just like that love that you read about in the books. It was fast, simple, pure and most of all, requited.
Harry and Y/N were very aware that whenever they were asked the story about how they first met, the story was often received and answered to with a sigh and a roll of their eyes. They knew, it sounded like an absolute fairytale. Not that there hadn’t been bumps in the road; there had been many, but the first night they met were free of any bumps and awkward conversations. Because when love was found, they wanted to sing it to the deep blue sea, from the high rooftops, that they had found their person. And that feeling; that night, is something no person or situation will ever take away from them - no matter how many rolled their eyes.
May 7th, 2019
“Y/N get a goddamn grip or I’m leaving without you.” Maya had yelled to Y/N from the lounge. A unusually huge glass in her hand filled with whatever alcohol she could find in Y/Ns apartment. Maya was already bothered, huffing and puffing when she arrived at Y/Ns apartment, and to find Y/N not yet ready for their outing was just one more inconvenience.
Y/N and Maya had been friends since university, and now, well into their 20s their friendship only grew more and more solid. “You need to give me a moment, Maya,” Y/N shouted back, keeping her voice as still and calm as she could, wanting Maya to calm down. Although she knew better than to use her gentle tone with Maya when she was upset, she snickered, knowing that Maya may as well be completely out of her mind by now. “Jesus fucking Christ on a boat, Y/N, don’t start.” Maya said under her breath. Y/N could hear her in the lounge, heavy feet waltzing around with angry, toddler-like steps, on a mission to get her point across that they needed to get a move on.
Y/N was just doing the finishing touches, perfume, bracelet, and a deep breath in the mirror. “Alright, we’re good,” she said, looking at herself, almost examining herself, looking for a reason to not step out of the front door. Not that there was anything holding her back besides her bed, Netflix and maybe some baking of a mudcake, but all of that just sounded much more tempting than their friend’s birthday party.
They were a small gaggle of friends from university still seeing each other now and then. They weren’t as close as Y/N and Maya were, but it was enough to see them a few times a year and get invitations to their parties. It was their friend Eli’s birthday this time, coupled with Eli’s boyfriend, who’s birthday was just around the corner.
Eli was an absolute whirlwind of a woman, energetic, social and constantly engaging with others because of it. A big party like this was Eli’s dream. She and her boyfriend, Melwin, had rented out this private property on the outskirts of London. A party pad by the lake with a huge outside area, bedrooms for all, and most importantly, a full bar. As you could guess, Eli was loaded. Or, actually, her family was. And while this party had been a bucket list thing for Eli for a long time, and it was definitely still special, it was also common for Eli to throw big parties.
Y/N and Maya had of course promised Eli that they were coming and staying over, since they had to get there with a car.
Y/N took one final look in the mirror, and then grabbed her packed bag from her chair, stuffing it with a few final things, the perfume from earlier, her trusted Aquaphor, charger and ID.
“I’m guessing I’ll be getting us there.” Y/N said, as she stepped out of her room, eyebrow rose in question of what she was witnessing. Maya was gulping down the final drops of whatever alcohol she had found in Y/N’s cupboard. Maya dragged the back of her hand against her lips making a face at the taste of the harsh alcohol, already regretting her decision of having a pre drink. “You know, we’re going to have to last until the morning, why are you doing this to yourself?” Y/N continued, laughing at Mayas face and the absolute amateur behaviour she was showing off. Maya closed her eyes, speaking slow and out of breath the big gulps of liquid she had just taken down. “You’re damn right, get your pretty ass in the car before I bring out the real hard stuff.” Maya had such a straight face, Y/N couldn’t help but laugh, and reply, “You’re cute, and about as intimidating as a butterfly stuck in pink candy floss, but alright.”
Y/N took the keys from Maya’s hand as she put her shoes on, standing in the doorway, with the key in the lock, ready to leave the stillness of her apartment for the weekend.
If she only knew.
Driving in London is a nightmare come to life. However, with enough pep talk and hurrahs from Maya, they finally made it to the outskirts of the city and made their way to the villa by the lake. And the house was…well it was huge.
Y/N parked beside the big timber house, looking out over the lake and the open-air party-area filled with tables, little gazeboes, a bar and string lights. They could hear the music blasting while they drove through the wooded area to get them to the house, high treetops decorating the sky and creating a perfect watercolour painting on the reflection of the lake.
Loud voices were heard from the other side of the house as they rounded up their things from the car and stepped inside. They definitely weren’t the first ones to arrive, and still, it would seem that the house was filled to the brim with people of different ages, genders and looks.
“Should we just find ourselves a room and lock us up in there?” Y/N said quietly to Maya without letting her gaze wander from the different people in the house. Maya rolled her eyes, the drink she had gulped down at Y/N’s apartment working in her system. Maya turned to look Y/N straight in the eye, with a stoney face. “Absolutely not. I’m not having another one of those nights, you’re going to drink, dance, have fun, and find a potential boyfriend. We’re done sitting inside drinking wine and whining about never finding prince charming. Done.” Ouch. Maya was maybe a little too honest with her feelings sometimes, but Y/N also knew that the looks and the shaming she was receiving was fully real and probably needed to give her a little kick.
Y/N let out a dramatic, fake sigh, “Fineeeee, but only you get me a shot in the next 7 minutes.” Maya smirked. “Well, lady, if that isn’t my specialty, what do you fancy?”
They walked into the crowd of people, arms linked together, snickering and looking around the crowd for something, or someone interesting.
Y/N was just going to steer them towards the outside bar area, eyes zeroed in on the target, when someone crashed harshly into her shoulder. “HEEY!” Maya yelled immediately when she realized what had went down.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, I really didn’t think I had that much to drink, I’m so so sorry” A deeper, slow British accent sounded behind her. Y/N didn’t even bother to look at him, just put on a smile despite her now aching shoulder. “It’s alright, don’t worry about it, happens now and then. I actually enjoy hockey-tackling when I’m drunk so be on the lookout for when I’ve had a few shots later tonight.” Y/N said, finally meeting eyes with the force that crashed into her. A belly laughter erupted from a man, she realized. “I’ll be sure to be on the lookout, but I’ll make sure to stay out of the way just in case. What’s your name, hockey-fiend?” He said between chuckles, recovering from the laugh he let out. This was…an interesting conversation to say the least. Most people, when faced with Y/N’s witty commentary would back off immediately and just think she’s an incredibly strange person, but not him. “It’s Y/N.” She said plainly, a smirk on her glossy lips with her arm stretched out, hand for him to take. “Well, Y/N, I’m Harry. I’ll be on the lookout, let me know if you need me to be your punching bag.” He said, and he smiled. Y/N really wasn’t that bothered with men and their antics, but when Harry smiled, she true to god almost threw up. That smile was infections, it made her warm and cold at the same time, a shiver running down her back when he let go of her hand. And then he walked off, smile still sitting on his face.
Maya had been surprisingly quiet, her mouth agape when Y/N finally gained consciousness again and looked at her. “Do you realize who you just fucking tackled?” Maya whisper-screamed in Y/N’s face. Y/N knew he was familiar, she knew she had seen him somewhere, not quite being able to place him. Maybe he had been at another one of these parties. “Y/N, you just flirted with Harry fucking Styles, and guess what? You’re going to charm his goddamn pants off tonight, you’re going to hockey tackle him at least twice more and he’s going to like it.”
Well, Shit. A flush immediately settled over Y/N’s face. Did she just? There’s absolutely no way. She didn’t even mean to sound flirty, that had to be one of the most embarrassing experiences of her life. Y/N almost thinks it was good that he was famous, because he had to have so many interactions, that her embarrassing flirting and almost-tackle to the floor might just fade into the background.
“I can’t believe I fucking said that to Harry Styles, now I really have to have a shot. Or dig myself into a hole, that must be in like, the top 3 worst things I’ve ever done.” Y/N sighed, hands covering her face to hide her blushing skin. “How is he even here? Does Eli know him? Or Melwin? I’m going to lose my mind.” Y/N continued, sinking deeper into her hole of embarrassment, desperately needing to dig her way out of it. Luckily, Maya was there to drag her out of this, as usual. “Are you being for real? You understand that he flirted back, right? Hockey-fiend, my ass, let’s get drinking and I’ll snoop around for some more information about him. You’re getting laid with Harry Styles tonight, I’m fucking calling it.” Maya said, self-assured, and grabbed Y/Ns arm to head towards to bar. It was indeed time for a drink. Och seven.
It was slightly later in the evening. The sky wasn’t quite dark yet, but the string lights hanging above the outside area of the villa was giving the whole evening a much cozier feel, despite people being drunk off their asses. Y/N had was walking away from the crowd, knowing she needed a breather. Maybe a cigarette. She didn’t usually smoke, however at parties, she’d like to have one here and there. And it was a perfect excuse to get away for a moment. She could feel the alcohol in her system, but she wasn’t quite drunk, at least not yet.
As she looked around the crowd of people to find a way out, she caught his eyes again. Harry. It looked like he was standing in a circle with who she’s guessing was his friends, but the moment they made eye contact, none of them looked away. He smiled with those insanely sweet dimples, giving her a nod and then got dragged back into the conversation once more. Y/N smiled. Maybe she didn’t mess up as bad as she thought.
Y/N was sneaking away from the crowd for a moment and went down to the lake close by the house. And even though it was close enough that she could still hear the yelling, loud voices from the bar, and the music blasting lake, coming down to the still water gave her a sense of tranquillity. Still buzzing from the drinks she had ingested, she smiled to herself, like you do, and sat down in the grass by the lake.
She pulled out one of her cigarettes and lit it up. Deep strokes were inhaled and exhaled as the nicotine from the cigarette made her calm out to her fingertips.
“See, I didn’t take you as a smoker.” She heard a voice behind her. She knew it was him without even looking back, the deep, sultry voice and slight northern british accent.
“Well if you knew me, you’d know I’m not a smoker, guess you’ve got a lot to learn.” Y/N replied cheekily as he sat down beside her. Y/N hadn’t looked at him yet, he did make her nervous, for sure, her stomach churning and even though he was sat next to her, at least 20 centimetres away, it was like she could feel the heat from his body from where she was sitting. She finally decided to look up at him, eyes sparkling from the reflection of the lake and hair tousled in an annoyingly good-looking way, She drew her hand up, wordlessly offering him a drag from her cigarette. Maybe she was going to be brave today. “I’m no smoker either.” He said, and in the middle of the sentence reaching up and takin the cigarette she offered, smiling at her. “Hmm, I guess there’s a lot I don’t know about you, either.” She said, pulling her knees up and resting her arms overtop. She chuckled. “Want to play 20 questions?” She continued, laughing at her youthful wording. He laughed, handing her cigarette back, “Ask away, love.”
Y/N had no idea how long they had been sitting at the lake. It could’ve been a few minutes, or hours. They asked each other ridiculous questions, answers becoming even more strange and somehow deep and more meaningful by the minute. Sometimes a scilence fell over them, thinking about what to answer the other, but it was never that awkward feeling, he was just so easy. Patient, kind, and teasing, but in the most loving way a person could be. “What does it matter if I scrunch or fold the toilet paper?” Harry asked her, laughter erupting from him, shaking his whole body. Y/N was acting offended but smiling big as she shook her head. “I feel like it says a lot about a person! And from what I’m gathering you’re a scruncher.” She said, looking at him with an accusatory look. He raised his hand as if he’s surrendering. “Alright, alright.”
Harry felt free talking to her. She was so unbothered and funny, yet still had this bottomless depth of a personality.
Harry was the type of person to fall in love quickly, he knew this. It was also an issue, because in this situation, he already knew he was in deep shit looking at her curls falling from her head to her eyes scrunching up when she smiled. He was so fucked. Y/N on the other hand, was almost surprised that she managed to keep her cool talking to him. She could tell his eyes lingered on her face a little bit longer than necessary, and how his body language had opened up to her, almost matching hers. Y/N however, wasn’t one to fall in love quickly or without rhyme or reason. She knew that falling in love would take hard work, dedication from both people and most of all, attraction. So, the feeling of her chest feeling tight when Harry laughed at her stupid comments, or how her stomach churned when their eyes met was a foreign, and new feeling to her. Was this how it was supposed to feel like the whole time? Maybe she just hadn’t found her person.
Suddenly Y/N stood up. Eyeing the lake and then looking at Harry. He knew exactly what she meant. “You can’t be serious. It’s the beginning of may, it’s going to be freezing.” He looked at her, face challenging and unserious. “Oh I’m fully serious, watch me:” Y/N replied, tugging her top over her had and pulling down her trousers, leaving her in just her underwear as she ran towards the lake and clumsily jumped in. Harry instantly looked away from her body, keeping his eyes on her face as she ripped the clothes off her body, the gentleman he was.
She was so free. And Harry hadn’t felt like that in years. As she emerged from the water, her whole body till in the water, she said, “Are you coming, or?” Dragging out her R’s as to tease him slightly.
And it was almost like he couldn’t protest as to what his body did next. He stood up and started pulling off his shoes, along with his other clothes. “Shit. I can’t even believe this.” He said quietly to himself as he focused on not toppling over from the previous alcohol he had ingested.
Y/N swam out into the depths of the water as she saw him coming into the water after her. A constant smile on his pink lips, his cheeks aching from all the laughs she had given him, he swam up behind her, diving into the water and grabbing her ankle as she tried to fight him back.
They splashed at eachother, swam, and laughed without a care in the world. Without a care that this huge party was going on just 50 metres away from them; they were in their own little bubble.
They were out of breath by now, lips turning blue in the chilly May temperature. Harry was shivering from the cold, but honestly, he could barely feel the biting water that surrounding him when he looked at her. Her now et hair perfectly slicked against her head and eyes gleaming, but he could tell that she was shivering as well.
She swam up to him, deciding to be brave, embracing the fire in her chest and the confidence from the alcohol and his loving gazes. She wrapped her legs around his hips in the water, arms around his neck as she scratched his baby hairs at the nape of his neck. She could feel his whole body tighten up as he clasped his arms around her middle. They were face to face in the water, close, close. Breaths heaving and cold, blue lips smiling. She finally had his eyes looking at hers. “Is this alright?” Harry asked, almost shyly, a furrow in his brow as if it wasn’t her who came up to him and wrapped herself around his body. She nodded. “You haven’t looked at my body even once.” She said calmly, forehead leaning against his, eyes still set on his.
He chuckled. “I..I didn’t want to without it being okay with you.” The confident and self-assured Harry she had seen earlier almost completely gone as he grabbed her closer, bringing her so that her body was flush against his. “You’re sweet. But if I remember correctly I was the one who pulled all my clothes off in front of you and dragged you into the water. I want you to look at me.” She replied to him, giving the back of his neck a scratch with her nails. She could feel the hairs on his arms standing up from goosebumps, but she couldn’t tell if it was her doing or if it was the cold water. He broke their eye contact and looked down, his forehead nudging her nose. Harry let a puff of air escape his lungs, “I’m in so much trouble with you.” Y/N smiled at his comment, and he looked up at her again, foreheads touching once again. Harry’s hand came up to touch her cheek, and she leaned into his hand, placing a gentle kiss on his palm. If this was in any other dimension, Y/N was sure she could see hearts in his eyes as he looked at her lips touching his palm. Y/N writhed in his arms, cold lips like magnets, wanting to button together as if the universe had them made for each other. Neither Y/N or Harry knows how long this silent dreamstate they were in lasted, switching breaths and desperately wanting to get closer. “Can i kiss you?” Harry whispered, breaking the silence between them. And before Harry could even listen for an answer from her, their lips met in a mix of warmth, magic, and desperation. Harry let a moan slip out when their lips finally touched. This was the feeling he had been chasing ever since he almost knocked her to the ground earlier in the day. The tense desperation building between them ever since they sat down at the lake and ever since he had laid eyes on her. It was her, it was all her on his mind, Harry felt like he could go crazy, just by having her lips touching his. Their kiss continued, hands touching and grabbing at their sides, hair and cheeks. As they broke their kiss they didn’t dare to speak. It felt like all of their manners and etiquette had been drained from them, letting their nature take over in overwhelmingly good kisses. “I hate to do this, but I think my toes are about to fall off of my body.” Harry whispered to her, his confidence wittiness from the start, back in his voice. Y/N gave him a “Mhm.” As he started to move them to the shoreline, limbs still tangled and frozen to each other’s bodies.
Harry put Y/N down as they reached the grass, and man, now without her body clinging to his, he could really feel the cold. He grabbed his coat that was still laying on the grass, draping it over Y/N’s shoulders. The rest of their clothes and shoes as well as the now almost empty pack of cigarettes, he scooped up in his arms. “C’mon.” He smiled to her, giving her a short kiss to her lips, leading the way around the house and to the room he was staying in for the night. She looked at him with pure adoration and love-sickness at this point, and followed along.
It was almost 3am at this point, and the party out in the garden was still in full swing, Y/N thought to herself that if she knew her friends right, they party was just now starting, and they would keep going until at least 5am, waiting for the sun to start rising.
It was Y/N’s turn to feel shy as Harry had his arm in the small of her back, letting her into his room. He immediately dropped their clothes and belongings on the floor of the hallway and dragged her with him to the bathroom. They were both shaking from the cold as Harry’s icy fingers turned on the shower and pulled her in with him, both still in their underwear. “God, I can’t even feel the bottom half of my body. Remind me to never do that again, even if it is to impress a cute boy.” Y/N stuttered out as they waited for the water to turn hot. She didn’t look at him, her eyes focusing on the water, waiting for the steam to engulf her. However, if she had looked at him, she would see the same love-sick eyes and syrupy sweet smile spreading on his features. “No more impressing cute boys, I’ll get too jealous, if I’m honest.” He said as he pulled her in under the water, their bodies immediately relaxing under the heat of the water, skin turning bright red from the change in temperature.
Their lips found each other once again, in the warm water of Harry’s shower. Hands moving to touch wherever they could. “Will you stay here with me tonight?” Harry let out between kisses.
Y/N did a crash-analysis in her head the moment he asked her. Was he looking for just a one-time thing? He was famous after all, maybe this was just how he brought home the girl’s he’d like to sleep with. No, she could swear there was something in his eyes that wasn’t just lust and looking for someone to stick his dick into, this was something else. She decided to be brave, maybe even test him, if you will.
She nodded to his question, “Yes.”
As they got out of the shower, Harry offered her some warm clothes from his suitcase. She climbed into the fluffy cloud of a bed, freshly washed with crisp white linen that made her almost let out a moan from how good it felt. She put herself in the middle of the bed, and turned to the window, closing her eyes for a moment, smiling for herself as she tried to comprehend all that happened this evening.
Harry joined her in bed, also in a fresh pair of underwear and sweats, chest bare as still flushed red from their shower. “Can I lay next to you?” Harry let out as he lifted the duvet, always asking her for permission. He really was the most careful and caring person, she was realizing. And he she felt almost dumb to have even considered that the chemistry they had was to be excused as a simple hook-up at a party. She didn’t answer him, but he helped him raise the duvet further and reached her arms out for him as an invitation. He looked at her as he got in right next to her, as their limbs once again tangled together for further connection and closeness.
And they talked, they continued talking through the night, playing with fingers, listening and laughing at anecdotes, jokes and facts.
Harry could tell her eyes was starting to droop as her speech got quieter and more slurred, words getting caught in her lips on their way out. “Shhhh,” Harry hushed her in the middle of the sentence. “Sleep and we’ll talk more in the morning; I’m not letting you out of that cliffhanger that easily though.” He continued with fondness in his voice, kissing her cheek and forehead, Y/N relaxing in his arms. Y/N let out a happy sigh of contentment as she cuddled closer to Harry’s chest, face fully burrowed into his neck and breathing in his natural scent. She was already drifting off though, there was nothing stopping her now.
They both fell asleep that night in each other’s arms, engrossed in what would bloom to become the most beautiful, important relationship they had ever had. But at that point, bundled up in each other’s arms and peacefully resting through to the late morning - they just didn’t know yet.
#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fluff#ficmas#harry styles x reader#harry styles fic#dadrry#dad!harry#harry styles masterlist
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don’t break my heart this year
summary - you break up with Harry but you live to regret the decision
warnings: self-deprecation, breakup, anxiety, family death, depression, but also fluff and a happy ending, i am one with hurt-comfort fics :)
pairing: ex-boyfriend!harry x reader
word count: +7.2k
It hadn't even been a year since you'd broken up with Harry and yet it still haunted you.
There wasn't a day that went past where you thought about how your life could've been so different if you had of stayed. If you had talked everything through with Harry. If you had been that little bit stronger. If you had given Harry a chance to explain how he felt.
Your breakup with Harry wasn't like most. Neither of you had cheated. Neither of you had fallen out of love with one another. Neither of you had stolen off the other. You had simply moved back home, to take care of your widowed mother and had lost contact with him. Your mum lived up in the top hills of Scotland, meaning the signal was dire. If you wanted to call anyone, including Harry, you'd have to drive at least 50 miles before hitting service.
It wasn't fair to keep Harry waiting days on end, just to have a five minute phone conversation with you. It wasn't fair that Harry couldn't see you because you lived so far away. He deserved so much more than you could give him. He deserved someone he could come home to each day, after work, and shower him with endless love. So you did what you believed was the most mature thing, and broke up with him. You drove all the way down to London to explain it to him in person, feeling like he deserved that much from you. He didn't take it well and neither did you. You left before he could ever really tell you how he felt, not having the courage to stay.
Since that day, you hadn't spoken to him. You knew it would hurt too much if you did.
Your mum wasn't doing well. Two years ago your dad had passed, due to heart problems, and your mum had taken it very hard. She was not in a good place, mentally, and you knew she needed someone to look after her. Being an only child made times like these hard.
Life had been hard recently, and it didn't seem like it was getting any better.
All your time was being devoted to looking after your mum that you hardly had any time for anything else. You were trying your best to study at online university whilst holding down tough hours at the local restaurant. Your average day would be 9-5 at university, but dipping in and out to help aid your mum in anyway you could. Then from 6pm until, normally, 1am you would work in the local pub. It was quite the drive from your mums house, but the money was needed.
In recent weeks it had gotten tougher. The work load from university had started to ridiculously pile up, to the point where when you finished at the restaurant you'd have to stay up until 5am just to finish off some readings or essays.
Your mum was worsening too. She no longer liked going outside by herself, because she was worried the "big, bad, world" might snatch her up just like it had you dad. You promised her she was okay, but she'd lost a lost confidence in herself and the world she lived in. Having a conversation with her was harder too - almost like you were losing her mentally.
All you could think about was how Harry was doing. Was he okay? Was he dealing with the breakup well? Or did it not really bother him at all? He was constantly on your mind, invading your every thought and you wished to have a moment away from him sometimes. Only sometimes though, as he quite honestly was the only thing holding you together at the moment.
As much as it pained for you to admit it, you truly hoped he'd found someone else - someone better. You knew the possibility of ever seeing him again, let alone being with him again, was shattered the moment you walked away from London. You'd left your heart with heart with Harry that day and you would be dammed if you gave it to anyone else. It was his to keep - even if he was unaware of its presence.
Tonight was just like any other night. Until it wasn't.
The pub owner, Patrick, your boss, had put you on an even longer shift today. It was getting closer to Christmas and the locals tend to come to the pub more often, sometimes even bringing relatives and friends from around the country. So today you didn't finish until 2am, having started at 5:30pm. It was tiring after a full day at uni.
You'd finished serving Alan and his friends their third round of beer for the evening, before getting back to cleaning up. It was getting close to closing time and you were beyond ready to go home now. Your mum would hopefully be in bed, but if not that would add an extra hour on before you could go to sleep.
Alan and co. luckily ended their night after round three, thanking you for your impeccable service as they left noisily.
The other staff members, who worked alongside you, had left ten minutes ago or so, claiming they had to be up early in the morning and so had to head off. If only you had the courage to say the same. You'd love to get off a little earlier, but it just wasn't practical.
As you were stacking chairs the front door chimes went off, signalling that you had a new customer. It wouldn't be an employee or Patrick because they'd all use the back entrance.
"Oh, i'm sorry we're closing." You explained, not looking over your shoulder to see who'd entered. You were focused on wiping down tables to rid them of alcohol stains, and flipping the chairs over to balance them off the tables so you could wipe the floor.
You didn't hear the sound of the door opening and closing again. Instead, you heard his voice.
"All this way and you wont let me even have one drink?" He teased you, making you freeze in your motions.
You turned around cautiously, prepared for anything because it could just honestly be your mind playing tricks on you. Maybe you were losing the plot, not your mum. How wrong you were, though. So, so wrong.
There he was, all warm and loveable. Nothing had changed really. He had a little bit of stubble, clearly proud that he had finally grown some facial hair. His curly locks were piled underneath his infamous Green Bay Packers beanie, the one you'd bought him on your trip to New York. His cheeks were a little rosy from the cold winters eve, explaining why he was also layered in clothes.
"Hi Harry." You warmly smiled, feeling a small red burn creep onto your cheeks now. You were nervous stood in front of him again and you didn't know why. It was just Harry, after all .
"Hello." He replied the same way he always does upon meeting someone. You felt like you had to shake his hand or something to break the awkward barrier you'd built, but you didn't.
You were so caught up in the beauty of him that you completely forgot you were being rude.
"Oh, i'm sorry. Would you like that drink?" You offered, after clearing your throat and dusting down your clothes, even though the last thing you wanted to do was make another drink this evening.
"I was only messing, love." Oh how you'd missed him calling you that. The mere sound of it again sent butterflies straight to the depths of your stomach. He made you feel like life was on an eternal rollercoaster and it was one that you'd never want to disembark.
"Well, I-I can't serve any food past—"
"In not here for food either." He shook his head softly, maintaining the comfortable distance between you two. The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable.
"Oh. Um, then what service do you require? Are you lost, um, because we have a phone out back that—"
"I'm not lost. I'm exactly where I need to be." Harry cut you off again, a habit you'd always found annoying but now found endearing. It was like he knew your thought process better than you did. He knew what you were going to say before even you did.
"How did you even find this place?" You asked confused. You had trouble finding this place and you grew up here, so how Harry has found it was an incomplete puzzle.
"I have my ways." He smirked his signature cheeky smile, the one which you'd fallen in love with. The one you were still in love with. You laughed and shook your dead at his idiocy but also his gentle humour. You really needed it after the past few months you'd had. The past few months that you caused. The ones that broke the perfect man standing in front of you.
"Irene?" You questioned your mothers name, not being able to think of another way he'd know your location.
"Irene, yes." Harry laughed at how quick you were. "How is she?" Harry continued, wondering if she was any better from the last time you'd spoken to him about her.
"Not good." You nodded your head and tried your hardest to smile, although it felt very unconvincing sat on your face.
Harry nodded too and you knew it was his way of silently telling you that he was sorry and that he hoped everything would get better. You were having a hard time believing him though. "And you?" He asked, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets to warm them up. He didn't understand how you were only stood there in a tshirt and cardigan, on top. Your tights and skirt were nice and toasty warm, but you were chilly up top.
"Okay, yeah, um you?" You quickly brushed past his question, not wanting to delve deep in to your feelings with him right now. Harry could tell you weren't okay though, no matter how much you told him otherwise.
He noticed the tired eyes. He noticed the stressed brain. He noticed the ever-slimming figure. He noticed the messy hair. He noticed the irritated and scratched skin on the top of your wrists. He noticed the way your hands were slightly shaking and your teeth were barely chattering. He noticed it all even when you thought he didn't. You weren't okay. He knew that much and you knew it too.
"Been better." He truthfully admitted, making you feel worse than you did before. You couldn't do right for wrong and it was slowly exhausting you.
"Mhm." Was all you could reply with, not having anything else to say because he'd heard it all before when you'd gone to London. You stacked the last few chairs and a thick blanket of awkward silence filled the air. You didn't want it to be awkward, but then again you should've thought about that before breaking up with someone you could never stop loving.
"What are here for then, Harry?" You wondered, moving behind the bar to maintain a distance between you two. You decided you'd sweep the floor tomorrow, instead of tonight, just wanting to escape from this shithole now.
"For you." He firmly put it, not sugar coating anything but just providing the honest truth.
"Oh-uh," you cleared your throat again, not sure how to continue the conversation, "any particular reason?" You stupidly asked, as if you didn't know the reason he'd travelled hundreds of miles to see you.
"Well it wasn't to come and shout at you, you'll be happy to hear." He joked, but all you could do was breathe a huge sigh of relief. You don't know whether you could take the hate today, even if you did heavily deserve it.
"Yeah, that is good to hear!" You joked along with him, but knew that wasn't the tone of what he wanted to talk about either.
"Hey? How about we get out of this dark and saddening, beer smelling, pub and go somewhere a little more fresh?" Harry offered, telling that you were desperate to get out of here and literally go anywhere but here.
"You have somewhere in mind, Mr Spontaneous?" You teased him, knowing that he will be useless in finding a good spot out here. There were plenty of good hideout spots, you just have to know where to find the best ones. You'd proudly been to them all and you used them as a place to seek the calm amongst the eternal chaos.
"Actually, I do, Miss Know-It-All." He teased back, earning a stuck out tongue on your behalf to him. He was such a little prick sometimes. "Go get your stuff and let's go."
"Okay." You bit your lip in excited anticipation. This could be either the best night in your life's history, or the worst.
Running to the locker room gave you the opportunity to let out a breath that had been wildly built up inside you, without even realising. Harry was actually here, let alone in the pub but actually in Scotland. Harry had been in contact with you mum, just so he could travel across the country to talk. God knows about what - or maybe it'll be about who he's now with. You were just so incredibly happy that he was here. For so long you'd built up this idea that it would cause a war if you ever saw him again - that he'd get angry at you - but it was nothing like it. If anything, he was being overly gentle and cautious around you - like he was afraid that he'd say the wrong thing and you'd make a run for it again.
The crew room reeked of sweat and it didn't take long for you to start feeling sick because of it. You quickly grabbed your overcoat and your bag before heading back out to the main restaurant area. Harry was sat at the bar, aimlessly tossing a beer mat between his fingers. He didn't even notice your presence he was that caught up in his own thoughts.
"You ready?" You timidly asked, internally asking yourself the same question. The answer was an indefinite no.
"If you are." He nodded and warmly smiled at you, assuring you that this was okay and it was alright to feel nervous. Hell, he certainly was.
"Okay. Let's go." He let you guide him to the door, like the gentleman he is, stopping to let you turn all the lights and machinery power off. Once you were both out of the door and in to the bitter frost, you locked the door tight shut.
"It's fucking freezing up here." Harry complained, and you knew it wouldn't be the last time he made a remark like that today.
"Tell me something I don't know." You rolled your eyes at the weather, fed up of the depressing cold. Jamaica sounded lush round about now - with all the swaying palm trees, warm sandy beaches and cooling waves of the ocean. Here, it was just hills, snow, hills, rain, hills and hills.
Harry lead you to his truck. It was one you'd never seen before so most likely had hired for the duration of time he was going to be here for. You wondered where he was staying, since there were no five-star hotels out here - only Margaret and Tony's B&B. Harry would like it there though. It sat proud next to a quaint stream and you couldn't hear a car even if you tried - it was the perfect retreat for a critically acclaimed mega-rockstar.
He opened the door for you, lending you a hand to step up since it was a large step. The feeling of his skin touching yours was a sensation that you could write novels about. A feeling that you'd so dearly missed and craved more than ever now. It didn't take long for him to enter his side of the car and start the engine up. The first thing he did was turn up the heating, noticing how your hands had been ice-cold when they touched his and how you were silently shivering. He noticed.
"It'll heat up in no time, I promise. In the mean time, here you are." He handed you the coat he'd just been wearing and it was still lusciously warm inside. It smelt just like him. It smelt of home.
"Thank you." Not even turning down his kind gesture because you were that cold.
"Trust me, still?" Harry asked you, setting the car into the right gear before looking across to you. It was painful to hear him have to ask such a question. You pulled the coat tighter over you, using it as a blanket, trying to preserve as much heat over your body as possible.
"Always."
•••••
The drive was a very peaceful one.
No commentary was made between the two of you, only the soft, mellow, tunes of Sinatra danced around the confines of the car. You could sometimes hear the passing of a nearby car or steam train, but there were no voices. Comfortable silence is so overrated - at least you for you it was uncomfortable. It was because you were terrified of saying the wrong thing as to why you didn't say anything, but also you felt like you'd said everything the last time you saw him.
Your mind drifted to London, as you closed your eyes, on that rainy Thursday eve...
I didn't think i'd be this nervous for anything in my life, but here I was.
His house looked bigger than the last time i'd seen it. The ivy growing up the walls looked powerful, as if it could tear the whole wall off if it wanted to. The pink front door assured me that I was at the right house, but I silently wished that it was a different colour because then I wouldn't have to face what I knew was to come. It was all going to be my fault though. I would most likely leave with a broken heart and the guilty conscience that I broke his too.
But this had to happen. It wasn't fair to him anymore.
I got out of the taxi, thanking him for waiting just a few more minutes whilst I collected myself and went and did what I came to do. He was very sweet and let me ride for a discounted price, obviously sensing my abundance of nerves, saying he'd wait for me to take me back to the station after this. He didn't say anything else to me, but he didn't need to.
The walk to the door, underneath the porch out of the torrential rain, felt like miles and yet it was only a few steps. My mind rushed through every possible scenario this could end up as. I looked back at the taxi man and he was smiling with encouragement at me, as if he knew exactly what was happening here.
I knocked three times - each one with the same amount of power.
The anticipation was the worst part. I wanted to scream, but also cry already.
The door swung open after 27 seconds precisely, not that i'd been counting or anything. I was so ready to start my rehearsed piece with him, but I was so blinded by his beauty that all thoughts were forgotten. He couldn't have looked better. He was standing here in checkered pyjama bottoms and a navy-blue crewneck sweatshirt, with little brown loafer slippers for comfort, and he still managed to be the most handsome man on the planet. He was so perfect.
Unlike me, Harrys thoughts were clear and his mind was only focused on one thing. Me.
I'd never seen him move so fast in my life. He closed the distance between us instantly and sealed our lips together to knock down the final boundary. His hands cupped my cheeks so desperately I wobbled back slightly from the force. His lips had never tasted so good. So sweet. The sounds of the pattering rain were long forgotten and the overwhelming senses bursting off of Harry quickly infiltrated my system. The sweet taste. The freshly-showered smell. The angelic sight. The tingling touch. The blissful sound. My senses were overwhelmed by him and I couldn't help but cry into the kiss.
He didn't want to let go, that I was sure of. Each time I tried to move back and regain air he whimpered, pulling me back as soon as I had caught some oxygen. This was our longest, most passionate, most burning kiss. In fact it was our last, most passionate, most burning kiss - little did Harry know of that.
"Where've you been, baby?" Harry asked breathlessly, between a further two kisses to my now swollen, cherry, lips.
"A-away." I struggled get out my words due to Harrys continuous kisses.
"I was so worried. So, so worried." He shakes his head not wanting to think about it anymore. I pulled away from his grasp, stepping back to create a little distance between us. I couldn't say what I wanted to say if I was too close to him. "Where are you going love?" He chuckled out, but there was a heavy tone of vulnerability underneath his words.
"Harry y-you need to listen to me, okay?" I asked, but even he knew that he didn't have a choice. All he could was nod his head, too afraid to say anything. He had a disturbing feeling like this wasn't going to be a conversation about how much I loved and missed him - no matter how true that would be.
"I-I think you already know where this is going, so i'm not going to sugar coat anything." Harry was already shaking his head at me.
"Y/N/N.. Please, no.." Harry continued to shake his head, realising you two were on the same page now and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
"Harry, I - uh - shit. C'mon Y/N." I mumbled to yourself, trying to hold myself together. "I love you, Harry. I've never loved someone half as much as i've loved you, and I never will. You have my heart - all of it. I need you to know that first, because it's important to me that you understand that," I watched him nod his head, "Harry, baby, I can't be with you anymore. It's nothing you did I swear. You were and still will be the best boyfriend to ever exist, because you are the most amazing person to exist—"
"Then don't do this, angel. Please." Harry butt in, tears now flowing down his face and it made it painful for me to look at him.
"Harry stop. Okay? It's not fair on you anymore. I can't be the girlfriend you need. I can't be the one you depend on anymore because I can't be here. My mum she's.. Well it doesn't matter, but she needs me more than ever and I can't leave her. Not now,' I watch Harry sniffle and wipe his nose on his sleeve, "You deserve so much more than me. You deserve someone who will give you everything, not that you didn't have everything from me - it's just I couldn't give you all of me all the time—"
"I don't care." Harry kept repeating like a broken record. This is what i'd made him into. I stepped closer to him again, cupping his cheeks to help him focus on anything other than his dark thoughts.
"Hey. You'll be okay. You don't need me. I was just someone passing by in your life, alright?" I pressed my forehead hard against his, and he cupped my cheeks to mirror me. If I could touch him then he sure as hell was touching me. He would savour every last moment next to me, because it might just be his last.
"No, Y/N/N, you're not. You m-mean everything t-to me." Harry sobbed out.
"Okay, but now you have to let me go. For your own bright and wonderful future, Harry, you have to let me go." I instructed him.
"No, no, no." He repeated and all I could do to shut him up was give him a kiss. The final kiss. I poured as much emotion as I possibly could do into the kiss, relishing every last second I had with him. After today I would probably never see him again. I would go back and live in Scotland, where the media is non existent, and live my life without my favourite person by my side. I would go back to working in the dirty bar and slaving away to the demands of university, all the while Harry will find someone new - someone better - and start up his wonderful life with them.
He was going to do great things.
I was the one to detach my lips first this time, knowing that if I didn't stop there I would never. I gave him one final, full of love, peck before pulling away from his warm embrace.
"I'm going now." I whispered, not wanting to even hear myself say those dreaded words.
"No." Was all Harry could say back. We both had faces full of tears and hearts full of hurt, but for now I had to be strong for him.
"I love you." Were my last words, before running back to the taxi out of the storm.
The look on his face was one that I knew was going to haunt me for years. There was no escaping it. He was utterly and completely broken - and all because of me.
My impending thoughts got interrupted by a call of my name. It was a distant voice, one that I didn't understand where it was coming from. It was so loud and clear and it sounded just like Harry, only when I looked at him his lips weren't moving. I'd left him broken on his doorstop and he couldn't do anything to fix the situation at- Y/N/N!
Again the voice repeated my name. Maybe I was having a stroke?
I couldn't stop crying in the taxi. The man knew to take me to the station, no questions asked. I respected him for that. My mind spiralled down in to a pit of self destruction and loathing. Every possible cruel thing I could think of, I could relate to myself. I couldn't stop thinking about the fragile Harry i'd left on the doorstep and—
"Y/N/N!" Harrys voice was much clearer now and it was obvious that you hadn't been dreaming him calling your name. He was standing outside the passenger door and it was only then that you'd noticed that you were parked up somewhere. "You're okay, you're okay." He assured you.
"Wha- where are we?" You asked, slightly dazed from the god-awful memory that just replayed in your head. It was a nightmare that kept you up most nights - it was one of the reasons you hated sleeping. It baffled you how Harry even wanted to be near you right now after everything you'd put him through.
"Come on and i'll show you." Harry held out his hand to help you back out of the truck.
The clicking of your seatbelt signified to Harry that you were preparing to climb out of the car and follow him. It meant that you continued to trust him, and that was more than enough for Harry. You grabbed on to his hand and allowed him to hold on to you tightly, in case you fell.
"There you go. I've got you." Harry spoke quietly, like he was afraid someone nearby would hear him. There would be no one around for miles though. It looked like you were at some outlook, somewhere, but it hadn't hit you exactly where yet. You were slightly disorientated considering how dark it was and not being awake for the journey.
"Thank you." You whispered back, both of you knowing it carried a much deeper meaning than you thanking him for helping you out of a car.
He pulled out his coat that you'd had wrapped around you, knowing it was too cold for you to not be wearing a coat right now. He pulled it around you, helping you slide both your arms in, before leaning down to do the zip up for you. He did it up teasingly slow and it made you nervous for when he'd reach the top. Once he'd reached the top he was stood so close to you that you could hear his heartbeat. His breath was shaky, but not as shaky as yours. You wanted to blame it on the cold but you knew it wasn't because of that.
He looked between your sparkling eyes and your rosy lips, being so indecisive of what he would rather look at. Your lips, he could kiss them for days, but your eyes - your eyes were something else. He swore they were the most precious things in the world. You were convinced he was going to lean in and kiss you, but he proved otherwise.
"Here," he took off his beanie and helped suit it onto your head instead, making sure your hair was tucked out of your eyes as he did so, "you're like a little icicle." He chuckled, making you laugh along with him.
"Thanks, Harry." You smiled sweetly at him, blessed to have him act so kind towards you. His heart was so big, yet so fragile as if it were made of glass, and deserved to be treated with all the grace in the world, but you'd managed to tear it down to its last shards - leaving nothing but broken pieces for him to pick up. "Aren't you going to be cold?" You asked, concerned for his physical health.
He reached in to the glove compartment, before bringing out another hat - a TPWK one at that. You laughed as he placed it on his head, finding it amusing how he was repping his own merchandise.
"You think it's funny? Me, wearing me own merch?" He laughed along with you, finding the most stupid things hilarious. It was just like old times - better times.
"Well do you want your hat back?" You offered, reaching for the bobble on the top of it.
"No. I like it better on you." He winked and it made you roll your eyes.
He slammed the door shut and locked the car with his keys, before stuffing them in his pockets. He took in a big breathe, most likely taking in the crisp winter air. It was refreshing, but something that was becoming all too familiar now. You needed a change. Jamaica, maybe?
Harry reached in to the open trunk of the truck and pulled out a regular rucksack. He slipped it on to his back before he held out his hand for you. "Ready?" He asked, not going anywhere until you took a tight hold on his hand.
"Ready." You nodded, eagerly grabbing his hand - wanting to feel those tingles all over again.
•••••
The walk, to wherever the fuck you were going, was exceptionally pretty. Harry chose well.
The path was hidden deep within a forest and it creeped you out at how dark and mysterious the whole atmosphere was. You felt completely safe standing next to Harry and holding his hand. He was warm and it warmed you up too.
No words had been spoken yet, only soft hums of a tune that Harry must be working on - seeing as you'd never heard it before. It was beautiful whatever it was. The eery night was so peaceful that you felt as if you had no problems left in the world. As if you mum was mentally okay. Your dad was still here. You and Harry were still together. What a perfect world that would be, but unfortunately some people weren't supposed to lead a perfect life. You were one of the unfortunate ones.
As you reached an opening of trees you noticed the lights shining more and more. They were becoming brighter and brighter the closer you came. Then it all started coming back to you. That tree - the one you fell out of whilst playing hide and seek with your dad. That bush - the one that you'd fallen in and cut your knee on whilst on a run with your dad. That pile of logs - the ones that you'd built many a campfire with, with your dad. And finally, that outlook over the valley below - the one that you would turn up at whenever you were sad with your dad.
It made you stop dead in your tracks.
"Harry." You whispered, finding it overwhelming that he knew of this place and how special it was to you. He knew that your father had passed, but you never really explained how it made you feel. You tended to bottle up all your emotions and keep them to yourself, finding it unfair to lay all your shit on someone else who might be going through things worse than you. This was uncharted territory for you.
"It's okay." He reminded you, bringing you closer in to his side with his arm. You appreciated him a bloody lot.
"No it's not. It's not and it's all my fault." You couldn't walk any further, not knowing where this evening was going and what Harry wanted to talk to you about. The guilt was eating you alive. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, no. Don't be sorry. I don't want you to be sorry, Y/N/N, okay?" Harry made you look at him, showing him to observe the small trickle of tears rubbing down your cheeks. You wished he didn't see them, though, because you felt selfish. If anyone should be crying it was him.
"But I—"
"I know what you did, I was there. Front row and centre actually." He laughed, bopping your nose to earn a laugh out of you too.
"How c-can you stand being near m-me then?" You were confused. You mum had told you that Harry would never want to see you again - charming.
"Because I love you." Harry put it in a way that was so simple, yet one that made your heart melt and walls crumble. He was still yours even after all this time, really?
"You l-love me? Still?" You had to double check, completely lost at how he was still devoted to you after all this time. After all that you'd said and done. Of course you still loved him, that was a given, but him still loving you was a terrifyingly happy surprise. He always has had the biggest heart of gold, and he remains to live up to that title. You were so undeserving of him and his heart of gold.
"I never stopped, baby." He squished your face close to his, large hands concealing your face to keep you focused on him and only him.
"You can't mean that, Harry. Not after everything I put you through." You whispered, searching for any signs of doubt behind his eyes. There was nothing but love for all you could see though.
"Listen to me Y/N/N. The last few months have made me realise something. It's made me realise that you're too special to me to ever let you go. Even though you made my phone miss your calls and we hadn't spoke since you went away, all I could think about was you and how you were doing. You didn't look good when you came to my porch in London, and you still don't baby." Harry was being completely honest with you, needing you to understand the complex depths of both sides of this relationship.
"No, i'm okay." You tried to convince him, but lacked the evidence to justify the statement.
"When was the last time you slept for a good 8 hours?" Harry asked, keeping you close to him - afraid you may dash at any point.
"Um, well—" You tried to rack your brain for an answer, but the answer was so long ago it was long forgotten.
"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?" He asked again, this time his eyes gazing down at your body. Yes, you knew that you'd become skinner but you didn't realise it was that noticeable. Or maybe it was just because Harry always noticed the most smallest, most minute, details about you.
"It was, um—" You squeezed your eyes shut hoping something would come to mind but you knew it was pointless.
"When was the last time you gave yourself a breather? A sit down? A bit of time to yourself?" He pressed for an answer, but it was obvious by now that you didn't have an answer.
"I-I," you let out a defeated sigh, looking towards the ground in shame, "I don't know." You admitted to him, and to yourself. You know you should take care of yourself better, but it's been hard to sort it out when you're doing a million and one other jobs too.
You two stayed silent for a few moments, reflecting on the words that had been spoken this evening. Finding out that Harry was still in love with you, in the area that was filled with fond childhood memories with your dad, whilst coming to teens with your mental struggles was a lot to take in in just one night. You could only take so much and you'd be forever grateful that it was Harry by your side right now and no one else. Not even your dad could come close to the secure and warm feelings that Harry gave you.
"I'm not okay, Harry, am I?" You had to ask Harry for support in your question, not wanting to admit the truth to yourself alone.
"You're just a little broken, baby, but i'm here okay? It won't be like this forever, I promise." Harry swore it on his mums life. His hands left your cheeks and instead wrapped around your body protectively, making sure you felt the mental and physical stability of him being there for you.
"I'm so-sorry for everything, Harry." You apologised for not nearly the enough times that evening - well technically morning. If you waited long enough you could probably watch the sun rise from this side of the valley - it was something you dreamt about doing with your dad, but it was too late to fulfil that dream when the time came around.
"It's alright." Harry shushed you, allowing you to carry on with the sobs you needed to let out.
"Is it?" You questioned, still not fully convinced that it was.
"I'll be alright as long as you are alright, love." You could feel Harrys smile against the side of your head where he was resting it, making you slightly smile in return. "Just need you back."
"If you'll have me?" You offered, wanting him to be positively sure of himself.
"Always." He replied, using the same phrasing you'd done earlier this evening.
•••••
Sunrise.
You never thought it would be so beautiful and yet you were so magically lost for words. The way the sun caught its first few rays on the glistening, snowy, mountain tops was cinematic. The rays starting to warm up your icy skin was exhilarating, almost like it was feeding you life again. Oh how your dad would've loved this.
What was even more special than the sunrise was the boy that you got to spend watching it with. Wrapped under a layer of three blankets, your back against his front whilst sat perched against a thick oak tree, you got to witness a moment so singular and unique, with someone as equally unique, and you wouldn't swap it for a million pounds.
Harry had brought hot cocoa, with little pink and white marshmallows, in a thermo-flask to help keep you both warm. He'd clearly thought about this "date", you guess you could call it, with great passion. He had thought of everything. He'd brought bundles of blankets, the hot chocolate, an extra jumper for you - your favourite one of his in fact - and even a portable charger so your phone was ready to snap some shots of the waking sun.
You were positive his body was completely stiff now, most likely going to have crippling back pains for the rest of the week, but you knew he didn't care. All he cared about was you and that you were happy.
Throughout the morning, whilst you were waiting for the sun to arise, you spoke about everything and nothing. You'd learnt that Harry had been with someone a month after your broken up with him, but went in to a two week period of self loathing afterwards because she, quote, "just wasn't you". Apparently he'd almost said your name, to her, the morning after and that's when he knew it was never going to be anyone else but you. Of course your heart bled a little to hear him have moved on so quickly, but you also remember encouraging it so you couldn't really be angry.
You opened up about the grieving of your dad and the hardship that your mum had become. Although it was hard to hear, listening to Harry suggest maybe taking her to a group house for family rehabilitation, or something along those lines, it should be an option to consider. He never pressed you for an answer, but only letting you know he was here whatever you decided to do.
You apologised a lot more times and each time he shut you up with his lips. God had you missed those lips. You'd missed him more.
Harry admitted he'd developed a slight drinking problem and had had to stay at random hotel rooms, for the first couple of months, because he couldn't bare to walk around a house that was so full of you and your memories. The kitchen, where you'd prepared countless morning coffees for him. The study, where you'd read a few stories to him. The bedroom, where you'd spent many a night with him beneath the sheets loving each other until you physically could no more.
Both of you were extremely vulnerable and that's exactly how it needed to be.
To move forwards you vowed to be more open and honest with one another. Harry promised to stay with you for a while, up here, until he was comfortable that you'd be okay if he left you. You promised to never leave him again, which he was perfectly happy with. You also strictly told him that he wasn't to go near a bottle of alcohol unless you were with him, not baring the thought of having to send him into rehab for substance abuse.
The two of you had a long way to go to be perfect, but then again there was no such thing. You were just Y/N and Harry, and as long as you made each other happy, then that, in your eyes, was perfect.
#harry styles#harry styles x reader#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x y/n#harry styles fanfic#ask finelinevogue#harry blurb#finelinevogue#harry styles concept#harry oneshot#dont break my heart this year#harry styles blurbs#harry styles fic#christmas!harry#finelinevogue christmas fic#harry styles christmas#harry styles christmas fic#finelinevogue ficmas 2022#finelinevogue ficmas#harry styles exboyfriend#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff
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Skating with H head-canon.
Day 1 of my 12 days of Xmas concept ❣️
All fluff 🎄⛸️
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- the Christmas break was always magical and memorable with H, his open mind allowed him to be up for whatever you felt like doing that day, whether it be baking cookies at late hours or watching Christmas movies all day, as-long as you were next to him he didn’t mind.
- but when you told him Ice skating was top of the list his ideas may have changed.
- “me and you on ice?” He’d ask “baby we can barely walk in a straight line” “part of fun then isn’t curly” you’d laugh.
- of course he’d cave in and accept defeat (only for you), and would look at nearest rinks available 😙
- once at the ice rink you’d both lock hands and get on the ice hoping for the best. “H please don’t let go” “thought this was your idea lovie” he’d smirk
- obviously being the overprotective partner he was he wouldn’t want you too hold onto nothing “lovie let’s try near the wall so y’have somethin to hold”
- but of course he’d be the first to slip up. “Pretend no one saw that alrigh” he’d say slowly sliding back over to his lovie after nearly toppling right over 🤭
- once you finally got the hang of it H would watch in utter awe of his girl effortlessly doing laps around the Icy rink with a beaming smile and a little laugh each time. “Why’d ya get a picture of me for?” You’d mutter “in need of a new Lock Screen” 🫶🏼
- “c’mon let’s go round together” you’d suggest offering a hand, with an acceptance you both go round hand in hand managing not to fall or lose balance, H with the biggest smile on his face took lead and made an offer “care to dance m’lady?” He asks “on ice?” “On ice” he confirms with the faint sound of ‘a wonderful Christmastime’ playing it seemed perfect.
- with both his hands planted on your waist it felt only right to end the day here. “Todays been wonderful lovie, s”good suggestion ya made” “Glad you enjoyed it H” you said leaving a firm loving kiss on the boys lips 🫶🏼
#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#my fic writing#fine line harry styles#harry styles au#harry styles blurb#harry styles x y/n#bnha headcannons#headcannons#12 days of christmas#12 days of ficmas#harry styles fluff#fluff#boyfriend material#fic recs#tooth rotting fluff#one direction#soft#trope#boyfriendrry#my fic#1d#hshq#hs#merry chrismas 2022#1st of the month#1st of December
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hiiii! have some ficmas reader questions!!: what fic/s are you currently reading? what are your all time favourite fics? what is your favourite genre to read? do you prefer to read first, second or third person? if you could see any two fic authors collab, who would you want it to be? do you prefer to read wip’s or completed fics? do you enjoy ofc fics or y/n fics? or both? why/why not? do you have any pet peeves in fics? enjoy!!
1. what fic/s are you currently reading?
COLLIDE by @oh-honey-styles
You Feel Like Home by @luminescencefics
Fishing for a Dream by @theothermanfic
Without Fear by @sadaboutniall
You’re Just Someone I Want Around (with everyone else) by @adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy and @sunflowervolvimp3
Ferocity by @strawberriestyles (always)
All I’ve Ever Known by @sweetcreatureinthedark
and my girl @harrystylescherry‘s masterpiece In My Feelings obvi
probs some others idk i’m chaos i read a lot of things simultaneously (also this doesn’t include some ones on wattpad!)
2. what are your all time favourite fics?
hMmmMMmm i can’t think of anything off the top of my head that isn’t in the list above, but check out my fic rest list for them all! (in my bio)
(thinking upon further thought of works by @theasstour @moonchildstyles @all-things-fic @beautifulletdownfics!!!)
3. what is your favourite genre to read?
in fan fic? def like realistic angsty smutty fics. also YJSIWA made me a slut for vamp harry. just anything with harry being a bit of a dick but also <3
4. do you prefer to read first, second or third person?
probs second or third in fics! but i don’t really care!
5. if you could see any two fic authors collab, who would you want it to be?
hHMMMmmm maybe @theasstour and @oh-honey-styles ??? i feel like that would be so good
6. do you prefer to read wip’s or completed fics?
I honestly don’t have a preference but I LOVE a good one shot that is obnoxiously long. Gimmmme.
7. do you enjoy ofc fics or y/n fics? or both? why/why not?
no preference!!!! but i think y/n are def my favorite to write because they’re so challenging from a skill/craft perspective.
8. do you have any pet peeves in fics? enjoy!!
UNREALISTIC SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS. I NEED PEOPLE WHO MAKE BAD CHOICES. I NEED SEX THAT MAKES FUNNY SOUNDS AND YOU WHACK YOUR HEAD AGAINST THEIRS OR THE BED MAKES A LOT OF NOISE. REALISTIC!!!!!!
this was so fun thank u bb!!!!
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Baby It's Cold Outside /blurb/ (12 days of blurbs)
Alternate Title: Harry Convinces You to Stay the Night Due to the Harsh Winter Weather
Day 5. > December 18, 2021
AN: requested by @stylesmygucci. sorry, it was going to include smut but as i was writing it, i just couldn't find the right place to add it and it ended up being straight fluff.
This story contains: fluff
{ boyfriend!harry - soft!harry 2021 Harry era }
word count: 1138
12 Days of Christmas Blurbs Masterlist (all previous/coming up blurbs here)
You try to leave Harry's house after watching a movie together but Harry convinces you to stay the night for the first time ever because its cold outside.
You've yet to spend the night at Harry's house. You're unsure why exactly but you've always just felt more comfortable in your own bed, under your own roof, with everything surrounding you in familiarity.
Usually after a lazy date night, you'll give Harry a quick kiss goodbye and be on your merrily way home. But tonight, that all changes.
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Then end credits of Home Alone, your favorite Christmas movie, plays on the tv screen before you both. You sit up on the couch from where you were cuddling with Harry, letting out a big yawn. You were tired but you are most times when you leave his house.
"Love, do you really have to go?" Harry says in a sad tone, sitting up as well.
"Yes, Harry. Gotta go feed my cat." you retort as an excuse.
"But..... but, just think, my bed will be all warm and cozy. I'll cook you a lovely breakfast in the morning. Even made a little overnight kit for you, for if you ever decided to spend the night with me."
You feel terrible. Absolutely terrible because you can hear how bad Harry wants you to stay over. It's just, you always feel awkward sleeping near someone else. Like what if you snore or kick in your sleep.
You make it to Harry's front door with your purse over your shoulder and heavy winters coat on. Right when you open the door, a burst of cold wind blows in your face and brings a giant chill to your body. Then you look out onto the streets and see the snow falling down is piling up and it looks to be getting too dangerous to travel.
"Y/n, if you think I'm letting you leave in this type of weather, you're crazy. It's completely unsafe. The roads are iced over. The snow is coming down harder by the minute. Just please, my love, stay with me tonight. It's like you're scared to sleep over or something. Is it me? I can sleep on the couch. Anything to make you feel at home for the night." Harry rants, persistent on not letting you leave in these harsh weather conditions.
You think for a moment and realize he's right. It's probably unsafe to drive in this snowy weather and Harry is your boyfriend. The boyfriend you love dearly. The one you're already sexually active with. So what's the big deal about sleeping over? That's right, there isn't one.
Letting out a deep sigh, you turn around, shutting the door behind you, and begin to slip your purse and coat off. "Alright I'll stay. And no Harry, you're not the reason I've never stayed the night. It's just...... just that I'm afraid of what I might do in my sleep. Like what if I kick you or tug the blankets away. I might even snore. No one likes a snorer."
Harry takes a step forward and pulls you in for a warm hug. "Baby, I don't care about any of that. I just want you near me. You know how I am. I'm just a cuddly person and even more so when I sleep. Now come on, I'll show you where the overnight kit is I made for you is."
He backs away from the embrace with a happy smile on his face and takes one of your hands in his. Then passing his light up Christmas tree, Harry walks you up his staircase and towards his bedroom. Once in his bedroom, he lets go of your hand and pads into his master bathroom where he has your overnight kit stored.
Harry squats down and fumbles under his sinks cabinet until he finds the kit he made for you a while back, hoping you'd stay over sooner but now is a good start. Then he stands back up and lays it on his bathroom counter. "Here it is. You can go through it and see what all I've put in there for you. I'll be getting the bed ready. Let me know if you need anything." Harry says walking out his bathroom, into his bedroom, and leans down to peck a kiss to your lips.
"Um, thank you. Will do." you reply and go into his bathroom, shutting the door behind yourself. You reach for the overnight kit your boyfriend made for you, and you could cry with how thoughtful the gesture is.
You unzip the mesh bag and take a glance inside. There's a new toothbrush, new toothpaste, some makeup wipes, a box of tampon and pads for if you were to start your period. You just smile at how cute Harry is for buying all of this for you.
All you take out is the toothbrush and paste from the overnight kit because that's all you need at the moment. You brush your teeth and use the toilet before entering Harry's room again. He's laying in bed, scrolling on his phone. But when he see's you, he sets his phone to the side and coos, "I've set out a t-shirt of mine for you to wear and a pair of shorts. But you don't have to wear the shorts. Just didn't know if you were the pant-less type girl when sleeping or not."
"Oh, thank you. And I um, don't normally sleep in pants or shorts. Just my panties." you mutter back. You begin to un-change right in front of Harry, not really shy because he has seen you fully naked before, and then slip into the duvet with him once his t-shirt is on you. Then you question, "How do you like to cuddle when sleeping? You said you're a cuddly person."
Harry reaches to turn the lamp off, leaving a low glow in the room from the street lights outside, and turns on his side. "Spooning is nice. Like we've done of the couch." he comments.
"Okay." you coo back. You turn on your side and feel Harry's large body shift up behind yours. His chest presses to your clothed back and his groin area cradling your ass. You make sure to not press your bum on him too much or he'll get a hard-on.
Harry's one arm goes under your neck and his other arm slings over your side, laying flat on your tummy. The blankets are up to the tops of your shoulders. "Are you comfortable, love? Warm?"
"Mhm, very. Your bed is nice and cozy. And so are you."
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You surprisingly fell fast asleep in Harry's hold. The snow continued to belt down outside and when you wake up the next morning, you realize a blizzard occurred and it looks like you'll be staying with Harry for a few more days. That just means you'll have tons of sex, lots more cuddles, and a home cooked breakfast each morning.
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(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITTING IS NOT EASY AND ITS FREE SO JUST DO IT)
tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @evanjh // @harryhoney-bee // @beachwood-cafe // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @elenagilbert01 // @bohogothic // @damnasstyles // @mrsstylesthings // @peaceandloverry // @softmullet // @harryssweatcreaturee // @meetmyblondemuffins // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @seaveystanleystyles // @spencharry // @michellekstyles // @pilgrim-harry // @stallrry
let me know if you'd like to be added on my tag list in my next post by telling me HERE (let me know if i forgot to add you)
______________
Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)
My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST
Harry Styles Series - One Shots & Blurbs Masterlist
Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)
#harry styles#boyfriend!harry#soft!harry#harry styles fluff#fluff#harry styles blurb#blurbs#12 days of christmas blurbs#harry styles ficmas#ficmas#harry styles christmas#harry styles snowy weather#harry styles sleepover
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