saw a heeseung edit and now im brainrotting ab him so hard,,, just imagine a playboy au where he thinks you’re easy prey, making a bet with his friends that he’ll bed you in a week MAX. and where is he after that week…? on his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks as he orgasms in his pants just from your shoe pressing down his crotch. he begs you to touch him and you just deadpan “aren’t i already touching you?” and he sobs a little more.

my mom loves to lie and like she always swears she was NEVER homophobic or anything to me as a child “i even have a gay work friend” but a really funny memory resurfaced recently where i asked if i could use birthday money i had to buy a rainbow flag when i was like ??? 7?? because i LOVED rainbows. and she said no that means something Evil and god will hate you . so what did i do. but ask my grandmom for a rainbow sweater for christmas and proceed to only wear that sweater for three years when it got cold because i didnt like the idea that god hated colors and i wanted to challenge him

god i love my friends. shout out to people who love their friends. this is a post for friend lovers

when i say i wish people started using the reblog button more i don't mean it in a 'i want more notes' kind of way i mean it in a 'i want to read about your thoughts on this particular thing' and 'i want to have conversations in the tags' and 'i want this to feel like a community again and not like any of those boring social media platforms where artists are content creators and interactions never goes beyond a like'

I do not have the energy to make this look nicer but i felt i needed to get this out or it would consume me.

I have been feeling an immense amount of rage and grief lately and this only encapsulates some of my thoughts

i have neither a good imagination nor aphantasia, but a secret third thing

thought too hard about MRI machines today and had this come to me in a vision

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

yes all my favorite characters are desperate to be loved. no i don’t think that says anything about me

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

the thing is israel basically belongs to the united states. it is funded by our government. they test weapons for us. when the us defends israel it is not defending a sibling nation where there might be room for them to break away or disagree, it is defending its own military interests. i think this is important for understanding why the states are acting this way and to make it clear this is something US citizens are directly involved in, as much as any other cruel, imperialistic war we are told to support, only to be apologized for as wrong decades later. you can apologize for the deaths once you have already benefitted from the deaths. that is how these things go but it is always essential to fight that pattern because we already know how it ends if we were to let it play out. none of this is new, for all the claims of complexity, it is the same old playbook and we must recognize it for what it is and fight it as we would any other demand for crimes against humanity in the name of "peace". learn from the past, learn from each other, learn from those who have been fighting this struggle longer than we have been alive. mass opposition to US imperialism, to settler colonialism, to """justified""" genocide is the only way.

So I've been doing this thing for months where I just start grabbing one of my plushies to have as tummy support to prevent me from leaning too far forward towards my screen (the plush pushes me back as it's against the desk).

Maybe not good advice but for now it's better than me leaning all the way forward like a dog

“this is a compilation of all of my fics from different fandoms—”

Make them separate fics. I’m begging you. I can’t keep scrolling past that one fic with 115 fandoms and 75 chapters of one-sentence drabbles. I can’t.

You can’t pick Lilia for this. But who is your other favorite short character in Twst?

I like the angry little king boy 🌹

i was being so so so real when i said id make more katnep comics

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me