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totheblood · 11 months

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massive clinger n possessive ellie headcannons!!

havent done headcanons in a hot minute... if i'm rusty i apologize.. ai audios at the end!

clingy!ellie headcanons

clingy!ellie, who just wants to do everything with her girlfriend, so much so that she sometimes can't have fun if you're not around

ellie, who has resting bitch face until you show up, and then she's smiling from ear to ear when you appear, drawing you in for a hug

"c'mere, i missed you," she sighs into the side of your neck as she holds your body firmly against hers

"i was gone for five minutes, ellie," you remind her

"still too long," and she's nuzzling her face in the crook of your neck, pressing small pecks into the indentation of your skin causing you to groan

ellie, who literally walks with her hand stuffed in your back pocket

“why can’t we just hold hands?” you ask her one day

“this is easier,” she nonchalantly shrugs, “plus i like being close to you… and my hands get cold.”

when the two of you are over at dina’s, she’s pulling you into her lap, pouting as she says: “why are you sitting all the way over there? trying to get away from me?”

she just wants to feel you breathing sometimes… it calms her

so when you sleep together you have to sleep chest to chest, so she can feel the rise and fall of your chest, comforted by your breathing sounds

when she wakes up and you’re not there she groans, dragging her feet into the kitchen and wrapping her arms around your wait from behind

you hum as she presses a gentle kiss to your neck, pulling you closer to her with a sigh

“bed’s too cold without you…come back to bed”

“ellie,” you groan, because you have class in an hour and you want to get there early, but you know she’s gonna win

“just for thirty minutes,” she groans, and then she’s pleading, “pleeaaaseee…”

“ugh, fine,” you turn around to face her, giving her a stern look, “but only for thirty minutes”

“you’re too good to me,” she says right before kissing the tip of your nose

she’s always begging for more time with you, no matter how much time you’ve spent together

spent 3 hours together? what’s 3 more?

24 hours together? there can always be an extra hour you two spend together

and you let her, because even if you don’t admit it, you secretly like it

she always finds the things you have to say interesting, hanging onto the edge of her seat listening to you talk about the most mundane shit like it’s the coolest thing she’s ever heard

she told you once: “anything that comes out of your mouth is so interesting to me. you could make sleeping sound interesting, or maybe i’m just crazy and in love with you.”

“crazy in love with me?”

“no crazy and in love with you…”

when you have to spend time away from her back home she’s pacing her room, unsure of what to do with herself

it’s late at night and she wants to tell you goodnight and talk about how your day went, but she doesn’t want to be annoying

she decides fuck it, she’d rather hear your voice than go to bed angry

so she’s biting her fingernails as she calls you up, heartrate quickening every ring you don’t answer

but then you do and she’s taking a big sigh of relief

“i’m sorry for calling so late at night… i needed to hear your voice…”

she knows she’s borderline possessive… okay she’s pretty possessive… but she can’t help

she makes it a point to use “my girl” as frequently as she can

“me and my girl are going to see barbie on opening night.”

“my girl is so fucking funny, you have no idea”

or the “you’re so pretty, my pretty girl”

it also becomes a problem when she finds herself convincing herself that everyone who meets you, wants you

because how could someone know you and not love you?

so she comes off as stand-offish around your friends, dissecting every behavior they do towards you and trying to convince you they are in love with you

“ellie, she just offered me a ride home…”

“yeah, sure… it starts with a ride home, but before you know it she’s begging to eat you out”

“ellie, oh my go-”

“hey, i know what it’s like to have a crush on you. i know when other people are crushing on my girl.”

you have to admit it does help your ego

possessive ellie who can never leave your side at a party, grip tightening when she sees some jack ass staring at you

when her fingers dig into your side you turn to look at her, a worried look on your face when you notice her tense jaw and eyes trained on some guy

“you’re okay?” you tentatively ask, causing her green eyes to flick to you

“yea, dude’s got a staring problem…” she says casually, rolling her eyes

deciding you want to calm her down, you kiss her cheek..

“i love how you look out for me, els,” you smile, causing her cheeks to redden as her gaze softens

“i just- i can’t stand how they’re looking at you…”

“i know, baby,” you coo as you rub her shoulder, “but i’m yours and yours only, you know this.”

this causes her to physically relax. you can see how her whole body just gives into your touch

“you’re all mine,” she smiles, tight lip leaning into properly kiss you

#Anonymous #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x reader smut #ellie williams the last of us #ellie williams tlou2 #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fan fic #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams oneshot #modern!ellie williams #college!ellie williams #ellie williams one shot

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j23r23 · 16 days

Text

Getaway Heart

Tangerine x Reader

angst & fluff

Warnings: blood & vomit

Word count: 3946

You’ve been a getaway driver since you got your license at 18, maneuvering through the streets with audacity and precision that caught the eye of all the right, and wrong, people. For the past ten years, you worked alone in the shadows, carving out a reputation as the go-to driver for high-stake jobs.

On a rainy evening, the twins handler, a no-nonsense woman with a penchant for dark sunglasses and cryptic instructions, invited you to an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of Madrid. The place smelled of oil and rubber. There she introduced you to the two men known only by their code names: Tangerine and Lemon. They were looking for a reliable driver, and their handler thought you fit the bill. You knew the Fruits were renowned in the industry for being very good at what they do but were slightly unhinged.

Tangerine was the first to step forward. He was tall and lean, with a sharp jawline and piercing blue eyes that seemed to dissect you with a single glance. Dressed in an impeccably tailored suit that contrasted starkly with the grime of the warehouse, he exuded an air of sophistication and control. His voice was smooth, almost velvety, “So, you’re the driver everyone’s talking about,” he said, his tone carrying a mix of skepticism and curiosity.

Lemon, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. Shorter and more muscular, he had a rugged look about him, with bleached hair and an unpredictable glare. His attire was casual—jeans and a denim jacket—giving off a more approachable vibe. In his hand, he toyed with a small toy train, spinning it absentmindedly as he watched you.

The initial meeting didn’t go smoothly. Tangerine’s aloof demeanor and Lemon’s staring put you on edge. Tangerine scrutinized your every word and movement, as if searching for a weakness, while Lemon tested your patience with his relentless talk about trains.

“Look, love” Tangerine finally said, crossing his arms, “we don’t have time for screw-ups. We need someone who can handle the heat and think on their feet. Can you do that?”

You met his gaze, your jaw set in determination. “I’ve been doing this long enough to know that hesitation can get you killed. I can handle the heat. Question is, can you keep up? Oh, and the names Orange, love.”

There was a moment of silence before Lemon burst into laughter. “I like this one,” he said, clapping you on the shoulder. “Got some fire in her.”

Tangerine’s lips curled into a faint smile, the first sign of approval. “Alright Orange,” he said. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

The memory made you grin.

Right after meeting the twins you had your first job together and it was utter chaos—shit hit the fan, sirens blaring, guns a blazing and the scent of burnt rubber hanging heavy in the air. You were behind the wheel, the adrenaline coursing through your veins as you navigated the streets of Madrid with precision.

"Tangerine, we've got company!" Lemon's tone was annoyed.

Tangerine, cool and collected, leaned out of the window, firing off shots with deadly accuracy. "I can see that, Lemon! Im not blind!"

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, as the banter between the twins was getting on your nerves. "Would you two save the chatter for later? I'm trying to concentrate here!"

Lemon laughed. "Relax, Orange, we've got this under control."

You just sighed in annoyance and literally put your foot down, pushing the pedal to the metal.

Tangerine, sitting in the seat behind you, clung to the door handle, as hes being pushed back by the force of the speeding car. "Bloody hell, Orange? " he shouted, his voice a mix of panic and irritation.

Lemon, in the backseat, looked even worse. His face was pale, and he was gripping the headrest in front of him for dear life. "For the love of all that's holy, slow down!”

You smirked, your eyes darting between the road and the rearview mirror. "Relax, boys. Let me do my job and i let you do yours" you said, narrowly missing a pedestrian who decided now was the perfect time to jaywalk.

"Relax? Relax?!" Tangerine's voice went up an octave. "We’ve got the entire Mafia of Madrid after us, how in hell am i supposed to work when you’re driving like a maniac!"

You took a sharp turn, the tires screeching in protest. The car tilted dangerously, but you managed to keep it from flipping. Lemon made a sound that was somewhere between a whimper and a growl. "If we die, I’m haunting your ass!"

"Hold on to something!" you yelled, spotting a narrow alleyway ahead. Without hesitation, you swerved into it, the car barely fitting between the buildings. The side mirrors scraped against the brick walls, sending sparks flying.

Tangerine’s knuckles were white from gripping the door handle. "Jesus Christ, woman!"

You chuckled, adrenaline pumping through your veins. "I got hired for my driving skills, remember?"

Lemon let out a strangled laugh. "Skills? More like suicidal tendencies!"

As you burst out of the alley and back onto a busy street, a car tried to cut you off. With a quick flick of the wheel, you sideswiped it, sending it crashing into a parked truck. "One down, a few dozen to go," you quipped, glancing at your handiwork in the mirror.

"Just keep us in one piece!" Tangerine barked, looking both impressed and terrified.

You sped towards an upcoming construction site, an idea forming in your mind. "Hold tight," you warned, accelerating even more.

"Oh hell no!" Lemon groaned, clearly dreading your next move.

You aimed for a ramp leading up to a half-built overpass. As the car launched into the air, all three of you screamed—though in your case, it was more of a whoop of excitement. The car soared over the gap, landing with a bone-jarring thud on the other side. The cars that are chasing you weren’t so lucky; the first few smashed into the gap, creating a massive pileup.

Tangerine looked at you with wide eyes, his breath coming in short gasps. "You’re absolutely mad, you know that?"

Lemon, still clutching the headrest, nodded fervently. "Completely off your rocker."

You gave them a cheeky grin. "But i got rid of them, no?"

As the car sped away from the chaos behind, Tangerines eyes still held a hint of disbelief. "Yeah, and somehow we made it out alive."

Lemon slumped back in his seat, finally letting go of the headrest. "Next time, I’m driving."

You laughed, the thrill of the chase still coursing through you. "Sure."

After a few more sharp turns you finally pull into a secluded garage. You killed the engine, the sudden silence almost deafening after the chaos.

"You two okay back there?" you had asked, trying to suppress a smirk.

Lemon had groaned, his face pale as a sheet. "I think I'm gonna be sick," he had mumbled, clutching his stomach.

Tangerine had shot him a glare before leaning out of the window, retching onto the pavement. "You’re a bloody lunatic!” he had grumbled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

You turn in your seat looking at the boys smiling. Tangerine shook his head, laughing despite himself. “Remind me never to question your driving skills again.”

“Deal” you replied.

After that night, the three of you went through countless jobs together, facing danger with unwavering trust in one another. As time passed, your feelings toward Tangerine began to change. Working alongside him, it became increasingly difficult to ignore the way your heart fluttered whenever he flashed a rare smile or the way your pulse quickened at his touch.

The more jobs you pulled, the deeper your affection for him grew, and the harder it became to suppress your emotions.

And now, something feels off. As you sit in the driver's seat of your idling car, the engine's purr does little to calm your anxious nerves. The night is heavy with tension, the rearview mirror becoming your only solace. You glance back repeatedly, your mind racing through every possible outcome of tonight's job.

Tonight's mission was supposed to be a straightforward smash and grab. The target: a high-end jewelry store fronting as a money laundering operation for one of the city's major crime syndicates in London. Intelligence indicated minimal security—just a couple of guards, easily neutralized. Tangerine and Lemon were tasked with infiltrating, grabbing the goods, and getting out before anyone noticed. Simple, clean, efficient.

You were parked in the back alley of the building, engine running, ready for the signal. The minutes stretched on, each one feeling like an hour. Something gnawed at your gut, a premonition that things weren't going according to plan. You'd run through every escape route, every contingency, but no amount of planning could shake the unease that had settled over you.

The longer you waited, the more your thoughts drifted back to Tangerine. His smile, his confidence, the way he always seemed to know what to say to calm you down. You remember the first time he took a bullet for you. He had laughed it off, calling you a softie for worrying. That was Tangerine—fearless, almost reckless, but with a heart that beat fiercely for those he cared about.

You trusted them both with your life, but tonight, that trust felt more like a lifeline, taut and fraying with each passing second.

The rearview mirror offers no new insights, just the darkened street and the distant sounds of the city. You grip the steering wheel tighter. You can almost hear Tangerine’s voice, telling you to stay calm, to trust the plan. But the plan is starting to feel like a distant memory, overshadowed by a growing fear that this time, things won’t go as smoothly as they always have.

And then, like a thunderclap, the back door of the building bursts open.

Suddenly, Lemon charges through the back door of the building, supporting a hunched over Tangerine. It's clear that this simple job has gone terribly wrong. As they stagger closer, you see the blood—Tangerine is losing a lot of it. You reverse the car and drive towards them. Lemon yanks open the back door, practically shoving Tangerine inside before he climbs in himself.

"Go, go, go!" Lemon shouts, urgency in his voice.

You change immediately into first and slam the gas pedal to the floor, the tires screeching as the car lurches forward. The doors are barely closed, but you don’t have time to worry about that. In the rearview mirror, you see Lemon struggling to put pressure on one of Tangerines wounds, while the latter squirms in pain.

"What the fuck happened?" you demand, weaving through traffic with precision.

"Tangerine underestimated the Job, didn't wear his west and got shot," Lemon replies, his voice strained. Tangerine just groans, clearly in too much pain to speak.

"You didn't wear your fucking west?" you scoff, your hands gripping the wheel tightly. "You always chastise us when we're not wearing one, what the fuck were you thinking!"

"Yeah, well," Tangerine mutters in pain, "we all make mistakes."

You maneuver through the city's maze-like streets, dodging late-night traffic and running red lights. The city's neon lights cast eerie reflections inside the car, illuminating the tense scene. The smell of blood fills the air, and you can hear Tangerine's labored breathing from the back seat.

"You better not die on me, Tangerine," you say, your voice tight with a mixture of fear and anger. "I’m not dealing with your expensive funeral."

Tangerine tries to laugh, but it turns into a pained groan. "Always… so considerate," he manages to say between gasps.

"Save your strength, mate," Lemon says, pressing another wad of cloth against Tangerine's bleeding abdomen. "We need you to stay awake."

The car roars down a narrow alleyway, the tires barely gripping the slick pavement as you take a sharp turn. You can feel the tension in the air, thick and suffocating. Every second counts, and the safehouse feels a million miles away.

"I swear, if we make it out of this alive, you're going to owe me one pristine car cleaning," you assert firmly, your voice tinged with worry.

"Deal," Tangerine replies, his eyes closing. Lemon looks at you through the rearview mirror "Just get us there in one piece."

You weave through the final stretch of city streets, your knuckles white on the steering wheel. The safehouse looms ahead, a nondescript building that has become your haven in times of crisis. You screech to a halt after driving into the garage, the car barely stopping before you pull the handbrake.

"Help me get him inside," Lemon says, rushing out and opening the back door. Together, you and Lemon half-carry, half-drag Tangerine towards the entrance, his blood leaving a grim trail behind you.

"Hang on, Tan," you whisper, your voice breaking despite your best efforts to stay calm. "We're almost there."

Inside the safehouse, the familiar surroundings offer little comfort. You clear the kitchen table with a sweep of your arm, sending everything crashing to the floor.

"Lay him down here," you instruct. "I need to see how bad it is."

Tangerine's eyes flutter open, and he looks up at you with a weak smile. "You always did know how to make things dramatic, love" he jokes, his voice barely a whisper.

"Shut up," you say, your throat tight. "Just let me fix you up."

"You ruined my Burberry suit," Tangerine complains weakly, attempting a half-hearted smirk.

As you rip open his shirt, revealing the extent of his injuries, the reality of the situation hits you like a punch to the gut. Four bullet wounds, two in his left shoulder one in his right arm and the worst is stuck in the right side of his abdomen.

This isn't just another job gone wrong. This is a fight for survival. And in this moment, all you can think about is keeping Tangerine alive.

"I said, shut up," you snap, your voice tight with worry. Your hands move quickly, working to stop the bleeding. Tears blur your vision, but you force yourself to focus, ignoring the emotional storm brewing inside you.

Lemon stands by, trying to keep pressure on the wounds. He looks at you, concern etched on his face. "You alright?" he asks, noticing your tears.

You nod, the gravity of the situation weighing heavily on your shoulders. Each bullet you extract from Tangerine's flesh elicits an excruciating scream from him that reverberates through the room and it slices through you like a knife. But you steel yourself against the anguish, focusing solely on the task at hand. With each bullet removed, Tangerine's body relaxes a fraction, but his agony remains palpable.

Exhaustion settles over him like a heavy shroud, and he slumps back, his breaths coming in ragged gasps. You work quickly, stitching him up as best you can with trembling hands, the urgency of the situation lending you a sense of clarity.

Once Tangerine is bandaged and relatively stable, you turn your attention to the smaller cuts and abrasions littering his body. With gentle care, you clean away the blood, your movements deliberate and precise as you tend to his wounds.

When you finally finish, you look to Lemon, concern etched into your features. "You got any injuries?" you ask, your voice laced with worry.

He shakes his head, his gaze unwavering as he grabs a blanket and pillow, arranging them to make Tangerine's makeshift bed on the kitchen table a little more comfortable.

You look at your blood covered hands and your mind starts to race,

The reality of the situation sinking in. Despite your years of experience you can't shake the feeling of helplessness that washes over you. You've faced danger countless times before, but this time feels different.

As you turn to wash the blood away in the sink, Lemon appears at your side. His eyes hold a depth of understanding that cuts through the turmoil in your soul.

"Not exactly the night we planned, huh?" Lemon tries to joke, but his voice wavers.

"Yeah…" you reply, forcing a smile that doesn't quite reach your eyes.

"You love him, don't you?" Lemon's voice breaks the silence, gentle but insistent.

You pause, the question hanging in the air. Tears spill over, and you nod, holding in a sob. "Yes," you whisper, your voice cracking. "I do."

Wordlessly, he reaches out, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. His touch is grounding.

With a steadying breath, you push aside the tumult of emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

You look back at your shaking hands seeing the sink run red as you rinse the rest of Tans blood away, the water swirling slowly like the tension in your chest. The room feels both too small and too vast, the weight of everything pressing down on you.

Lemon's eyes soften with understanding. "Does he know?" he asks gently.

You shake your head, tears now flowing freely. "No," you manage to choke out.

Lemon gives you a sad smile and pats your back. "It's gonna be okay. He's tough. He'll pull through. He's Tangerine, after all."

You look over at Tangerine, his face pale and his breathing shallow. The sight of him like this, so vulnerable, breaks something inside you. You sink to your knees beside the table, clutching his hand in yours, your tears falling onto his bloodstained shirt.

"I should have told him, “ You whisper, your voice breaking. "I should have told him every day."

Lemon kneels beside you, his own eyes glistening with unshed tears. "He knows," he says softly. "Somehow, he knows. And he’s fighting.”

The room is silent except for the faint, labored breathing of Tangerine. You press your forehead to Tangerine's hand, your sobs shaking your entire body.

"Please, don't leave me," you whisper, your voice raw with pain. "I can't do this without you."

"He's going to make it," Lemon murmurs, more to himself than to you. "He has to."

You cling to those words, praying that they're true. Because the thought of a world without Tangerine is too much to bear.

Suddenly, you hear a faint sound. Turning around, you see Tangerine, though barely conscious, calling out for you, reaching out weakly.

When the morning sun shines through the kitchen window, you stir, the warm light nudging you awake. You jolt up, immediately checking on Tangerine and finding him still breathing, albeit slowly. His chest rises and falls steadily, and a wave of relief washes over you.

Your body aches from the uncomfortable sleeping position, but you ignore it, stretching briefly before moving around the kitchen to make some coffee, the familiar routine grounding you.

"Hey, " he murmurs, his eyes fluttering closed but a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

You rush to his side, your heart heavy yet light with relief. “don't go too far" he whispers, his hand finding yours.

"Lemon!" you call out, your voice trembling with a mix of emotions. "Lemon, get in here!"

Lemon appears in the doorway, eyes widening as he takes in the scene. "What's going on? Is he—?"

"He's awake," you say, unable to contain the sob that escapes your lips. "He's going to be okay."

Lemon's face softens with a mixture of relief and joy. He steps forward, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I told you he's tough," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "Tan doesn't go down that easily."

You nod, unable to speak, the relief washing over you in waves. You stay by Tangerines side, his hand still clasped in yours, feeling the weight of the nights fear and uncertainty lift just a little.

Lemon places a gentle hand on your back, his voice soft but firm. "You need to rest. Take a shower, change into some fresh clothes. I'll keep an eye on him."

You hesitate, glancing back at Tangerine "Are you sure?" you ask, your voice wavering with concern.

"I'm sure," Lemon reassures you, giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "You look like shit."

"Thanks, Lem." you shake your head at his compliment and make your way to the bathroom. The hot water cascading over you feels like a much-needed cleanse, washing away the grime and the fear of the night. You change into fresh clothes, feeling a bit more human, and take a moment to steady yourself before heading back to the kitchen.

When you return, you see Lemon leaning close to Tangerine, their voices low as Tangerine attempts to sit up, wincing with every movement. Lemon supports him, and you quickly move to their side, slipping an arm around Tangerine to help. Together, you guide him into one of the bedrooms, easing him onto the bed so he can rest more comfortably.

"Thanks," Tangerine murmurs, his face still pale but his eyes more focused.

"You need to rest," you say, brushing a damp strand of hair from his forehead. "We'll be right outside." As you and Lemon turn to leave, Tangerine's voice stops you.

"Wait." His hand reaches out, grabbing yours weakly. You look at Lemon, who gives you a knowing nod.

"I didn't mean to," he replies, a weak smile playing on his lips. "But I guess I did give that Burberry suit a run for its money."

"I'll give you two some privacy," he says softly. "Call if you need anything." You nod at Lemon before turning back to Tangerine.

"You scared the living daylight out of me last night," you admit, your voice trembling slightly as you sit on the edge of the bed, Tangerine's hand still clasped in yours.

You manage a small laugh, tears of relief filling your eyes. "I guess I owe you a new shirt," you say, your voice breaking with emotion as you remember ripping it off him to stop the bleeding.

"And i owe you a pristine car cleaning," he replies, squeezing your hand tightly, his smile widening.

Your laughter fades and you sit in silence for a moment, gathering your courage. You know that now is the time to speak your heart. “Tan I—” you begin, but Tangerine interrupts, his expression soft.

"Thank you." He looks down for a second, watching his hand play with yours. “Sorry, you were saying,” he looks back up into your eyes.

You blink in confusion, feeling your cheeks flush. "Oh, erm… you don’t have to thank me. It’s... it’s part of the job." you mumble.

Tangerine’s grip on your hand tightens, his eyes never leaving yours. "It’s more than just a job to you, isn’t it?"

You swallow hard, the truth pressing against your lips. "Yes," you whisper, barely able to hold back the tears. "It’s more. So much more."

He nods, a bittersweet smile on his face. "Lemon might have hinted at it before, but I’ve suspected for a while."

A mixture of relief and embaressement washes over you. "Lemon and his big mouth," you mutter, a weak laugh escaping your lips.

Tangerine chuckles, but winces in pain. You scold him lightly. "Don’t laugh, you idiot. You need to rest."

He grins despite the pain, bringing his hand to your cheek. "Will you stay?"

You lean into his hand, feeling his touch. "I'll stay." you whisper, tears falling freely now.

Tangerine’s eyes soften, and he reaches out to brush a tear from your cheek. "I’ve been feeling the same way you know. For a while actually."

Your heart races, and you struggle to find your voice. "What?" Tangerine’s eyes flick between your eyes and your lips before he closes the gap, kissing you softly. The kiss is tender, filled with all the unspoken emotions you’ve both been holding back.

Its a clusterfuck, but someone might like it...

#tangerine bullet train x reader #tangerine 🍊#tangerine fic #bullet train tangerine #bullet train #tangerine fanfiction #tangerine #tangerine bullet train #tangerine x reader #aaron taylor johnson fic #aaron taylor johnson #tangerine fanfic #tangerine and lemon

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meraki-yao · 17 days

Text

RWRB Script: Meraki Thoughts and Notes, ACT I

...Remember when I said if we don't get something new I'll reach the phase where I dissect the movie frame to frame?

Yeah so I did decide to annotate the bloody script I am that obsessed, will put this into either two parts or three parts, this is from the start to Paris

Highlight:

Red: Deleted Scenes

Yellow: Different from the movie

Blue: Fun/Interesting Movement Descriptions

Green: Extra Information of character/set

Right off the bat, we have a deleted scene

I need someone to enlighten me about these markings: what do the numbers and letters mean? I searched online and it said that numbers means a scene, but what counts as one scene? And what is the letter then?

Again, three more deleted scenes, what the fuck. And why is the first one labelled 1? Was the movie originally supposed to start there before they added the receiving line in re-shoots?

Henry was shaking a person's hand when Alex comes up to him in the movie

TRIES TO LICK IT???? ALEX THE FUCK

Also note how the frosting thing is before "tell me something" here but after that line in the movie: In the movie, Henry didn't not see any of the frosting shenanigans since he turned away to greet someone else. The script doesn't state what Henry's doing while Alex fucks up

Two more deleted scenes!!! One of which should be Aneesh's favourite scene to film where Alex asks her how much trouble does she think he's in

Canonical Zahra and Ellen age

Ellen staring at Alex was not in the final cut, we go from the credits directly to Ellen's line. Also the "killing him" is sort of a book reference: P28 Ellen: "all I want is to have the CIA fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term"

TWO MORE DELETED SCENES WHAT THE FUCK

ANOTHER ONE

Ah so that's why Taylor's post of him in "Kensington Gardens" captioned “IT'S ALL LUSHHH”

Huh, he's awed

Nick improvised Henry's "Both" line

Clench teeth not that visible in the actual scene but we get the message

"Juicy photo" what the fuck

"This won't be fun" about that Alex....

Two more, one of which is the Cornetto scene, what's the other one?

Obviously we did not get this line about the outlets in the movie, but also ??? Do American outlets not have lights? Is he talking about this thing? (the red part is a light)

Henry you're enjoying yourself aren't you

ANOTHER ONE

Well this is a mess

"Essentially Spooning" WHAT

I feel like "isn't entirely unsexy" is from the book but I can't remember???

"The most shit-eating of grins"

He didn't wave, he did the V hands. That was probably Taylor lol

Canonical Oscar Age! So both Oscar and Ellen are 55, let's say movie Alex is 25 then Jesus Christ he's right they were babies when they had Alex

ANOTHER ONE I'M SOBBING AT HOW MANY AT THIS POINT

Firstprince Book list!!!

So this is the opposite in the movie: Henry was the one to turn around and face up instead of Alex, Alex was staring at imaginary Henry the whole time until he went to press "hang up" on his phone, on his other side

what the fuck 😭

Canon Percy Age: 24!

He was in fact wearing a white blazer with black swirls (I really liked that outfit).

"Percy is just as impressive as his clothes" HELL YEAH

"coppery-mustard"

"knowing smirk" the fuck

POST WALLFLOWER LMFAO

"dancing his ass off" love your word choice Matthew

"subtly bops to the music" yup, somehow think that applied to Nick at parties too

Aww Alex finds it "ridiculously endearing"

"even sexier midnight kiss" lmfao

"crestfallen" awww nooo Henry bbg :(

"Everyone's hands are on him, wanting a piece of ACD"... huh.

WHAT IS IT NOW

"They look so right together"

"panic growing in his chest, genuine fear crossing his face" HENRY　😭

"utterly gobsmacked" again, interesting choice of words, but accurate

TWO MORE WHAT THE FUCK

Alex was not on the floor, he was stretching against the sofa, I feel like that's a Taylor thing, but also he needs to see the TV on the wall

AGAIN????? MATTHEW!!!!

"Young James Bond" YUP

"entranced by Henry"

THREE???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

"trying out the perfect suave and sophisticated pose to greet Henry" ends up just standing straight

Can you fucking imagine the table read and Matthew saying "and THEY GO AT IT BABY"

"raw and aggressive and hot -- like they're trying to eat each other"

Note that the movement description didn't mention lifting Henry on the table or Alex hitching his thigh up, so that was designed on set

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CLOSE-UP????

“Gently” are we sure about that

"the bluest balls on the planet" lmfao

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE DELETED HERE OH MY GOD

"utterly devasting" yup

Okay there's a lot of differences here: Henry doesn't close the door, Alex grabs Henry's waist not vice verse, Henry kissed down his neck and chest after this dialogue and they tumble over the sofa, but also how to you expect him to kiss Alex's chest while simultaneously unbuttoning his shirt when they're both verticle

"J Crew finest" straight from the book

"The power of his thighs", "his arse bouncing hard in the saddle"

"who has never been so jealous of a saddle" OH MY GOD PFFTTT

I guess 55 is the extended polo scene with Bea and Pez

"attack each other" "pawing"

"Alex can't decide where to put his hands because he wants to put them everywhere at once" Istg this is a book line but I can't find it at the moment, will update when I do

YANKS in all caps

"Their meals are gone" So the photos from Matthew's BTS post where they had their meals was before this scene? But there isn't a deleted scene before or after the Paris cafe scene in the script?

Henry is charmed, huh

"whistles in amazement"

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WINK?

Alex didn't laugh, we start the hotel scene with his back to the camera

"Henry wraps his arms around him" ... sorta? But in the movie it's Alex's shoulders

"on Henry's chest" okay yeah so this was for short Alex, TZP would have to contort himself to do that

In the movie we only see Henry undressing

(Dammit two more images but I reached the posting limit, hang on)

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soullessseraphim · 1 month

Text

Valdemar - Touch headcanons

-Valdemar isn't very touchy, but it is only because they don't see the point. Not that they don't like it, it just doesn't come to their mind : you'll ask them for a hug and they will respond something like "what for ?". I think it's mainly because they've lived for so long. When you keep living for centuries and the people around you wither away, you kind of learn how to detach yourself from them and avoid getting attached as to not suffer unnecessarily in the end. So imagine the shock when you're starting to get attached to them and they realize they're also kind of attached to you.

-once persuaded you need it however, they will give small affectionate touches here and there (a hand on small of the back, a kiss on the forehead, resting their head on your shoulder while they watch you do something, holding your hand) ; they have to remember what physical affection is like, because they gave it so little importance since they've turned into a demon. A little awkward at first but they get the hang of it eventually.

-What about intimacy? You will have to prove to be the most trustworthy and respectful person in the world for them to even show their hands. But once you do gain their trust, something like (the bath scene) will happen. But if you try initiating anything too drastic they're more likely to back off. They need their own pace and will allow you very progressively (and I mean very progressively) to initiate anything serious. However it'll never go further than a make-out session. Never.

-Don't expect them to be affectionate in public, no no. Valerius commented on how they'd gotten softer once and the poor man found himself strapped to a chair and forced to watch them dissect someone. If you try : will nudge you or tap your hand away. Not to be mean, they just don't want to.

-Overall, where they're most affectionate is in bed. They'll hold you while you sleep, as you'll hold them. But that's really it.

-However there is one exceptional instance where their behavior will shift completely : It is if you make a deal to live as long as they will. They'll- they'll break down. You've never seen them cry before but this sure is going to bring tears to their eyes. They won't break out sobbing but will hug you for two hours straight, occasionally sniffling. Because it means that now they can get attached. Now they don't have to worry about you being mortal anymore. Now they can allow themselves to love you. It'll take them some time to fully come to terms with the fact that they are having feelings again, since it's a very human thing, but with your support and patience, they'll manage to let themselves feel fully. They're still a little reserved, especially in public, though now that you're immortal too, they've considered making your relationship public.

Then they will be much more affectionate with you. Expect more hugs, more hand holding, more kisses, a bit more frequent make-out sessions, some dancing even.

-Congrats you two are alive forever now. You'll make a legendary duo in scientific history.

________!_Bonus Headcanons_!________ @lunumochi :D

-So I've already explored cat-like behavior with them ('so why is it that when I-', am I right?) and I headcanon they stand in rays of sunlight with their eyes half closed like our beloved furballs do. Or like reptiles. I don't know. I'm pretty sure they have vertical translucid eyelids underneath the normal ones. It's warm. It's nice. You can almost hear them purring (they don't, you're just imagining it). But they don't actively think about it you know, they just be walking and suddenly there's a warm ray of sunlight hitting them and they freeze in their tracks like 'huh. That's nice.' and then will stay close to the window half asleep for... A while.

-Speaking of sleep, I think they actually sleep. Just... They do it for three days straight every seven months.

#I have no idea how to write 'headcanon'#sorry I'm late I was waxing my eyebrows #while plotting some devious scheme #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana valdemar #quaestor valdemar #quaestor valdemar x reader #valdemar #the arcana courtiers #valdemar the arcana #valdemar x reader #the arcana game #the arcana visual novel #still need some feedback on all my heacannons and fanfic and all so please roast me :)

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visenyaism · 3 days

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I'm curious—how important do you think Dany is actually gonna be to the resolution of the JonCon/Aegon Blackfyre-Targaryen storyline?

Obviously, she's gonna be involved, as the last Verified Targaryen™, but considering *waves at five other storylines*, JonCon's wildfire/bells thing, & how much GRRM loves dissecting People As Symbols, I'm increasingly convinced that she's really not be involved past serving as a symbol and narratively letting them hang themselves a la Quentyn (rip)

I really struggle to think of how she’s going to get there in time to be as relevant as people think she is going to be in young griff’s plotline. I am not even fully convinced she will get to Westeros in the next book given that she has to spend a few chapters getting out of the great grass sea and then double back to mereen and resolve the situation there and then will probably have to do something about volantis. honestly, my money is on her arc ending in winds of winter with her like standing in the ashes of Volantis and finally finally committing to go to westeros.

I don’t think she needs to be there for that plot to resolve just given that he seems to be on a trajectory to die pretty quick? to me dany’s role in his story is as like as this looming spexter of legitimacy haunting aegon: if he is supposed to be the one true Targaryen King, how come she has dragons and he doesn’t? which doesn’t necessitate her physically being there to play that role. who’s to say. there is a lot to wrap up in that next book. which is why it won’t come out.

#but also the prophecy says that she should be worried about him so I’m not sure.#asoiaf

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study-with-aura · 25 days

Text

Wednesday, May 15, 2024

My brother is home! My brother is home! I am posting this now, so I have time to be with him tonight after ballet! He's going to take me and pick me up! I am so excited! We're currently watching the docuseries together while I'm posting this, but I am still getting what I need from it. It's mostly review for me since I'm giving my final presentation for World History on Friday!

Now I am going to go and hang out with Julien. And don't worry, after he came in (I thought it was Dad getting home!) and tackled me, I tackled him and squished him in the squishiest hug I could! Expect a much happier Aura now that my brother is back!

Tasks Completed:

Geometry - Finals review (focused on right triangles and trigonometry today)

Lit and Comp II - Reviewed Units 21-23 vocabulary + read the news + completed revision and final draft of non-fiction writing assignment (due tomorrow) + CLEP Test practice question + reviewed study guides

Spanish 2 - Reviewed La Ropa vocabulario + reviewed future tense

Bible I - Read Matthew 26

World History - Worked on final presentation

Biology with Lab - Dissected a frog (virtual, but it was still fascinating and gross at the same time) + reviewed notes

Foundations - Read more on wisdom + practiced speech + presented argumentative speech

Piano - Practiced for two hours in one hour split sessions

Khan Academy - Completed High School Geometry Unit 5: Quiz 1 and Quiz 3, Unit 5: Lesson 7 practice “Solve for an angle in a right triangle” and Unit 5: Lesson 9 practice "Right Triangle Trigonometry Word Problem" + completed High School Biology daily mastery challenge, Unit 3: Lesson 6 practice "Cellular Respiration" and Unit 1 test (90%) + completed World History Unit 1: Lesson 8 practice "Ancient Andes", Lesson 6 practice "Indus Valley Civilization" and re-took Unit 1 test (78%, it went down 3%?)

CLEP - None today

Streaming - Watched Empire Games Episode 5

Duolingo - Studied for approximately 30 minutes (Spanish, French, Chinese) + completed daily quests

Reading - Read pages 207-244 of The Weight of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf

Chores - None today

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (Proverbs 16)

Ballet

Variations

Journal/Mindfulness

#study blog #study inspiration #study motivation #studyblr #studyblr community #study community #study-with-aura

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feelingpure · 6 months

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“I'm sure you don't want to come, considering what a fucking self-righteous bore you've turned into!”

When I catch Hawkins Fuller:

Further live reactions under the cut, because wuifdbivfyisvdtusdyif I need to yell about whatever tf else is gonna take place.

THEY GOT MY BOY DOING BLOW Y'ALL 😭 (ok it's the late 70s so yes everyone is doing coke, and he didn't do it like a novice, but I'm still blaming them idc). And the finger sucking... we'll come back to that at some point lmao. What is going awn?

Ok, now he's been fed pills on the dance floor. 😂 Anyway the soundtrack is banging, so now i'm like (booging to forget):

Not this being-jealous-of-craig thing pls.

Tim is... not looking like he's having a good time anymore. 😭

And something's happening with the rest on the dancefloor. I'm feeling very anxious.

Marcus and Frankie having a domestic at his work place. “I have news for you. You are a big chocolate gay man.” and his student is watching in the background. 👀 Ok Marcus, time to confront some things (I hope)! And then he said THAT, and then he did THAT. Omg, the way Frankie yeeted him 😭 everyone is in pain.

Skippy is very 💅 here. And I can't decide if I fully hate Craig or... he's v annoying but also lol?

The boyfriends are fighting! Aaaaahhh, GET HIM TIM!

Ok suddenly something very different is happening... also that Tim/Hawk kiss, yes! (it was a lil slutty, but that's all I've been wanting). OH I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS WTF IS HAPPENING OMG WFQOVBSDVBSFJKB!

Nvm... it's not happening, even though Hawk tried to force their heads together like a kid playing with 2 dolls. Cause look at his face peaking from between theirs hahah. 😂 Anyway... WHEN DID CRAIG TAKE HIS SHORTS OFF LMAOOO?! They just weren't there all of a sudden??!!

WAIT I'M ACTUALLY SCREAMING. IT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING NOW (via some v questionable words from Hawk but).

👀👀👀 WAIT WHAT-- WHVBDLAD. So Hawk can get it up if Skippy is there. Alright. And Craig's dirty foot just hanging out right there as they kiss aaahhh lol. Ok, apparently I've hit the image limit haha, but there's a lot of limbs in places... and someone is calling me rn so I have to pause wtf. 😭😭😭

So I came back after I finished watching it and. Well well, that was a terrible time to pause ietbhfvebigadwn!!! Anyway, I'd keep blabbing on next to more caps if it'd let me.

But just... that whole episode was A LOT. The way things escalated, the way scenes turned upside down and then back again. The explosive husband arguments! The ending to that threesome was wild. The final 70s Tim/Hawk scene. OUCH.

Yes, Hawk's been hurt but. Hm, I have a lot of feelings, will probs have to be a separate post if I get the chance. There's too much to dissect. All in all; I am a Tim Laughlin warrior, and if you're yelling at him Hawk then I'm gonna have to yell at you.

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struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor · 6 months

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I see what you're saying about the term 'casual jikooker.' I think I used the term casual not to say anything about how much you believe or don't believe they're together, bc I assumed that you did, but more that I don't think I've seen you spending time dissecting things to prove or disprove the ship, so when a new piece of 'proof' (for lack of a better word) comes out I didn't think you would jump on it for the sake of it being 'proof.' I guess everyone suffers from confirmation bias to an extent, but basically I don't think you seem particularly pressed about it. I hope that makes sense, but thank you for answering my question!

I apologize if I was defensive. Like I said, some anons try to make me seem less of a Jikooker because they don't want to believe I believe in Jikook.

I used to read so many analyses, but that's when I was baby Army. Now I don't need them, or seek them out, and there isn't even enough content to analyse, but I keep seeing fan theories anyway and I won't say know to a good analyses. I like reading them. I read some tweets from Jikookers, and I see Jikook and BTS through shipper lenses, but I don't bother with proof anymore, yeah (I'm always going "Ah! See, I was right!" when something like Jikook enlisting together happens, but it's just a smaller part of me now, I guess).

I'm just so certain at this point, and also so used to the endless cycle of "Jikook broke up!" followed by "They were together that whole time?!" that it means nothing now. I can't count how many times fans were certain Jikook weren't close anymore only to be slapped in the face by Jikook being glued together behind the scenes - flirting, almost kissing, planning to literally spend the 18 months of forced separation together!! Like, maybe they weren't hanging out as much as you thought they would in chapter 2 because they knew they wouldn't be apart so they weren't as pressed to spend every moment together. Still, they remain the only two members who have gone on vacations together (for a documentary or not) - I think V and J-Hope spent some days together in Hawaii? With their families, but yeah. Stuff like this - them enlisting together - shows how little we know about what BTS do and who they hang out with, specially when it comes to Jikook. They are the most secretive when it comes to each other. They share very little of what they do together.

And here I am proving I'm a Jikooker.

Anyway, thank you for the ask and sorry if I was too defensive. You're sweet!

#ask #bts #jungkook #jimin #jikook #text #thanks for the ask!

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peachjagiya · 24 days

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https://www.tumblr.com/peachjagiya/750550434679308288/httpsyoutubejgmyiwk0tksi-qs6obwwumpmoq3w-ok?source=share

Awweee I just wanna mention 2 things about this video, if I may bring it up again.

When they asked "Who's the best singer?" Look at Tae. No hesitations, huge smile on his face, wholeheartedly pointing and saying JK's name. This is one thing I love, out of the thousands others things I do, about TaeKook: the unwavering support and desire to not compete but uplift each other. Helping each other out to be their best selves. Them sending the songs they are working on to eo first, JK sending 7 to Tae and surely many more, Tae trusting JK to give him advice and record his songs in JK's studio. They're not just besties who have fun together, or lovers who are supportive to eo, they respect eo as artists too and seek for eo's opinions on their works as well. That's so rare to find someone you genuinely enjoy hanging out with, you feel safe with, who gave space for your true self to just be and in effect, cracking that person's shell, who you trust to share your vulnerability with, who you also respect in the passion and career you both love. It's as if they are everything to eo. I'm not saying they don't need others, but their relationship isn't any of us who spent years analyzing/dissecting/theorizing can easily put a label on. They're more than just childhood friends, brothers, and heck even lovers. I feel it is a disservice to who they are to just label them as lovers, there are plenty of layers showing them demonstrating more than what lovers do. I've gone off tangent and rambled, but that's how I always feel when I pause and think about TaeKook's bond. It's so deep and moving and inspiring to me.

On to the 2nd thing about this video, Jungkook is so unhinged singing this out of all songs during an interview and took that opportunity to serenade Taehyung who visibly was affected when he started singing. Like I don't try to understand JK's mind, he has such a beautiful interpretation of the world and he usually shows it thru his art and singing, but I just giggled at the thought of him being chosen the best singer in this interview, given a chance to showcase his angelic voice and his mind possible going "Sing our song!" and there was no pause, no hesitations, just.... sang Nothing Like Us while stealing glances at Tae... I get why they needed supervision at times tbh, I am against it specially now they are adults but I understand some times they needed to watch out for these 2 😅

👆👆👆

I'm so amused by the last bit. You've got a point. Someone needs to control JK before literal animated lovebirds and hearts spring out of his chest and flutter over to Tae. 😂 He has zero chill.

💜

#my asks

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thesherrinfordfacility · 7 months

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i won't go so far as to say they annoy me, because everyone has their own opinions, but i just CANNOT agree with any takes saying that their entire relationship has been dysfunctional or built on solely on false premises or etc. anything else in that vein. i know we've been dissecting the issues a lot to explain the breakup, but i'm going to go out on a limb and say that as a whole there's way more love than problems and there's way more good than bad. and that doesn't erase the problems or the bad or make them any less in need of fixing, i'm just saying overall the love in their relationship and the good parts of it definitely win out. plus, PLEASE cut them a bit of slack for the constraints the Heaven&Hell rigmarole put on their relationship. and i don't mean in a trauma way, i mean in a physical threat, having to do everything secretly kinda way.

further asks and response under the cut:

hi anon!!!✨ okay won't lie, the first ask made my blood pressure rocket through the ceiling 😅 but you're good, thanks for coming back to clarify, i really appreciate it - bc tbh idk if i would have had the acuity to have answered this today otherwise!!!✨

i hear you - speaking more personally for a sec (i will actually address what you're saying in a mo!), i hope you don't mind, it is slightly exhausting when some read my ask responses or metas, and genuinely believe that im purposefully trying to find negativity in the story or the characters, especially crowley. im not at all; i truly just find the dozens of layers to them both (and the storyline - the ethics, philosophy, psychology!) really, really interesting, and i find it fun to examine. i don't take any joy in pointing out flaws or dysfunctions for the sake of it, but more that, for me, it makes the whole relationship so much more relatable, and compelling. here are two creatures that are literally as non-human as it can get, and they're making mistakes, or miscommunicating, or have 'issues' the same as a lot of us do? that's really comforting to me - to look at two characters that i treasure acutely, and be able to recognise the ways in which they're not perfect. their story, in that respect, suddenly doesn't feel inaccessible.

but braindump-that-you-didnt-ask-for over!!!✨

i agree that their relationship is ultimately rooted in love. i think that that love has taken in many incarnations over the course of their narrative, emerging from general attraction/fascination, to acquaintances, to uniquely-relatable-to-each-other-and-only-each-other colleagues, to friends, to best friends, to deeply-pining crushes, to being unrequited love interests, to being full-throttle in love with each other, to being each other's family and sanctuary... all of these at the same time, and some evolving and merging into others. i don't personally hold the belief that romantic love has been there since the beginning (but fully respect where people do see it that way!) but romantic love isn't the only love that aziraphale and crowley are built on.

there have been problems and misunderstandings amongst all of that, times where they possibly don't know each other as much as they like to think they do, where they've not been kind or gentle to each other, but that doesn't mean that none of it isn't all interwoven, in every fibre, with love (whatever form that takes). they may not be human, but they are navigating something uniquely human, and that isn't always going to be perfect.

add to that, just as you say, the literal threat that hangs over both of them where they're not allowed to acknowledge a single part of any of the above; to do so not only puts themselves at risk, but the other at risk moreso. that fear - that sword of damocles, as others way more poetically-minded than me have put it - is borne out of love, of concern, of respect, and friendship. it's not a question, again as you say (because i wholeheartedly agree with you!), of one loving the other more than the vice versa, and one always having to bend to the other until they break whilst the other doesn't get a look-in. the way i see it, sometimes you do have to bend to each other in relationships, friendships etc., but that's a mark of trust, respect, and love in and of itself; that you can feel that you can look to the other for support when you need it, feel comfortable in being vulnerable enough to do so, and be so deeply loved in return as to be the one to support when the other needs it themselves.

there are times in the narrative where one lets the other down, or hurts them, sure - but that doesn't mean that that's the nail in the coffin. it's not going to ruin them, or end them, or drive them apart irrevocably; it's causing/caused issues that they simply need to work to mend... and tbh, they're probably not even aware that some of those cracks are there! once again, i think it's fair to say that this happens in most relationships, and usually - usually - most problems such as the more human-like ones they're facing now (especially the ones borne out of wanting to protect one another!) are fixable with patience, communication, kindness, time, and continuous love!

i do think s3 is really going to upend this, though, and put it to that aforementioned breaking point; i think there is going to be stuff revealed which leaves each other completely bare for the other to see - no secrets, no smokescreen, no glamour - and prove to be the true test of that love. but let's face it (because it will happen); they will choose to love each other anyway. perhaps even because of what s3 will reveal. i don't think ive ever seen their love for each other as unconditional - like i said, i think such a 'condition'/test will be put to them both in s3 and turn their view of each other on its head - but their love for each other in, all its guise, is strong, deep, and profound enough that it will be what they choose every time✨

if you would like to come back off anon, that is entirely up to you and i'll leave that for you to decide - or message privately? - i don't mind!!! but again thank you for clarifying the tone, i find tone hard to read sometimes and i appreciate the follow-up asks!!!💕

#good omens #ask #i mean... general GO meta???#idk

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thegodthief · 3 months

Text

I sat on the edge of the cliff overlooking the wastes with my legs hanging uncomfortably off the edge. A dry wind blew up from the crevasse, removing any hint of scent, be it living or rot. I sat, because there was nothing else to do. I wasn't waiting for anything, as there was nothing to wait for. I wasn't biding my time, as there was nothing to anticipate. I just was there, because there I was.

"Hey."

I felt someone sit down next to me. It took me a moment to realize they were expecting a reply.

"Hey."

"So... Are you going to jump?"

I looked between my feet to the absence smothered by lack of clarity. "I dunno. Is that what I'm supposed to do here?"

"That's what some people do here. Some people get up and walk away instead."

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. I need your help."

I kept my gaze below me. I didn't realize I had started shaking my head until a tear was shaken loose to fall into the indifferent darkness. "I can't help you. I can't help myself."

Something nudged my shoulder so gently I almost didn't recognize that it had happened. "You can help me. I don't know if I can help you in return, but at least I won't hurt you."

"I promise nothing, but I will hear your request. If I know someone else that can help you, I'll tell you. But I doubt I can help you."

Something pressed softly against my back. Not enough to push me off the cliff, but enough that the weight on my heart pushed me to crying again.

"I need you to make a pot of ghee."

"Wut?"

"I need you to make a pot of ghee for me. No one else can make it the exact way you do. I don't have any, and it's been a while, and I miss it."

I don't know how long it took for me to dissect the phrasing of what they said and the implications of the pronouns they used, but I got there. I turned my head towards them, but saw nothing beside me.

"I made ghee for one person. And they watched me do it so they could learn how for themselves. You are not that person. Who are you?"

"Please, allow me to correct you. I am not a person, not a person like you are. But you have made me ghee from the moment you learned how and have kept a jar for me all the time. Until now. The jar is empty and clean and put away. I can't fill it myself. I need you to do it."

I looked around me but did not swing my legs away from the cliff. I saw I was sitting alone, with just enough light to see there were no bodies beside mine. The presence of the someone remained around me, however.

"I... can't."

"Why? You have the space and the butter. You have the pot and the stove. You have the cheesecloth and the sieve. You have the jar and the trivet. I have kept things clear for you as much as I can. I will continue keeping things clear for you as much as I can. What I can't do is actually make the ghee."

I realized that I did not hear their voice with my ears but with my skin. Their voice felt like cool sheets after a warm day, but also like a warm towel after a cool shower. Their voice felt like the steam from a fresh mug of tea and like the night air flowing in the window after a long day. Their voice felt like the atmosphere of my apartment, being whispered against my bare shoulders.

"You can jump anytime. I can't stop you if that is what you want to do. But, before you do, please make a pot of ghee? I miss it."

I did not notice my thoughts had been clouded until their soothing voice pulled my attention into a soft space of clarity.

"Well, I'm as good as dead. Anything lives is born to die. But, I guess it doesn't have to happen today if I can help it. Yes, I'll make a pot of ghee."

I turned my body to stand but felt myself suddenly grabbed and quickly pulled away from the cliff the moment that my legs were clear of the edge. When the force let go, I saw that I was now distant from the cliff edge by at least three times as I am tall. I mused a thought, but kept it unspoken. I fully stood, patted myself off, and walked into the waiting darkness that felt like how my room feels when I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I don't need light to see where I'm going.

I forgot the dream entirely upon waking.

~~~

Today, I made a pot of ghee. I listened to some podcasts while I attended the pot on the stove. The process fills the apartment with a warm nutty scent by the time the ghee is done. The jar had ran out several weeks ago, and after cleaning the jar, I had not bothered to make another pot.

It felt so useless to do so.

It feels useless to do a lot of things, lately.

But today, I had good weather, good mood, good timing, and a good opportunity to make it. There's a lot of things I need to be doing, but... why not make another pint of ghee? What's the worst that could happen? I get hungry and start cooking again?

After the mason jar was filled with the still simmering ghee and loosely capped, I took a step back and looked at the jar placed on the trivet. At this point, the jar of molten ghee always strikes me as the closest a person can get to capturing a jar of sunshine. The kitchen smelled good and held a promise of further culinary antics once the jar cooled down.

I could pull up a chair and watch how the jar gradually changes as the ghee cools down all day.

In the still air, I feel a brush against my bare shoulder.

Thank you. It feels so nice in here. I missed this.

I held myself as still as ice.

You forgot. That's okay. You don't need to remember.

"Who...?"

Something lingers against the back of my neck. Someone who like the ghee you make. Someone that will hold you for as long as you allow yourself to be held. Someone that will ask you to make another jar when this one runs out. You do intend to use it up, yes? I can't cook with it but when you do, it feels even better in here.

"I promise nothing."

You say that a lot.

"When did I say it before?"

I was reminded of the dream in its entirety.

"Ah. So I did. Well, the pot is made. We'll see what happens tomorrow. I don't have much to cook with today."

Then I will wait for tomorrow.

The presence, which was never there, left completely. I considered the dream and the observances I made in the dream. I considered the cooling jar and the apartment that was surrounding me. I considered that writing up this experience would be good tying practice and so here I have typed it up.

An hour later, the jar is still molten and quite warm to approach.

Sunshine dims on its timing.

#dream #If this needs further tags please let me know.

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meraki-yao · 2 months

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RWRB: The Awardist Podcast Interview Thoughts

Alright after listening to the podcast giddily while aggressively stomping on the cross-ramp machine to work out my extreme happiness and excitement to the point that I burnt through twice as many calories than usual and soaked through my shirt, I'm here with thoughts

Pippin @pippin-katz, who sent me a voice message at 3 am my time to tell me to brace myself and be prepared for what's happening and what I'm going to wake up it, did their own version of a summary+thoughts with timestamps here, go check that one out

So my list of thoughts is gonna be a little more all over the place

Immediately burst out laughing with the "mouthful" joke, even more so when the boys both caught it lmao

"I am not happy to see Taylor's face" and "I have a Post-it I'll stick it over your face now" that is peak bestie behaviour

Nick honey I love you but I... do not believe you don't look through online stuff lmao we literally caught you likely fan content and edits you posted two Henry edits and referenced another one

I love how unintentionally in sync they are??? For the first question they started talking at the same time, and for the second they both started nodding and stayed silent forgetting this was an audio interview

"mate, mate, mate, MATE" and the last one being said in sync oh my god this is so much fun

The whole comment on the signing wars: what Pippin said, we were literally calling Taylor "that little fucker" yesterday when he started taunting us with more BTS (EVERYONE KEEP VOTING PLEASE)

"What possessed you? What have you got against me?", the same energy as "Why do you dislike me?"

Taylor's explanation of signing on Nick's face and how it started made me laugh and scoff a little because I translated that fucking moment: the first time it happened, Taylor was in China, it was the firstprince PR photo not the GQ magazine, he was on a boat, and he was the one to ask for the photos to sign lmao

Again, need to see them sign stuff in the same time and space: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!! :D

"Take it Nick" Nick's little snicker in response

A little heavy and personal but I wish I could talk to them and tell them how much the book, the movie, the characters and the boys mean to me and how it kept me somewhat afloat last October when I was drowning every single day, and how this story made me want to change myself and break out of my status quo

I know I've been saying Taylor knows Casey's pronouns and he gets them wrong when he's nervous, and I stand by that, but God the sigh of relief I let out when he used they/them

"Right Nick?" is so oddly comforting?

Oh my fucking God the "Top to Bottom" joke was a low-hanging fruit but it made me laugh

Also even the order was right! "Top to Bottom", "Taylor and I" (jkjk lmao) 😜

I really fucking hope that the "that's what I'm known for now, doing intimacy work on screen" is an offhand joke and that people don't genuinely label Nick as that

"Why don't you speak for this, Taylor" again, unexplainably comforting

"Seeing my mate at all these awards shows" made me remember a Chinese phrase "頂峰相見·", literally "meeting again at the peak", meaning "I'll see you when we're both at our best"

Nick's burst of laughter at the "who's a better kisser" comment

Taylor I swear to God 🤣 he combined the "is nick a good kisser" and the "who has your heart joey or Nick" questions together and said "I don't know, I don't know how to answer that question, I have no idea" DUDE YOU LITERALLY ANSWERED THE GOOD KISSER QUESTION WITH "YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS A GOOD KISSER WE HAD TO PRACTICE A LOT PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT" WITH ZERO HESITATION (that answer, on that day, was first thing in the morning for me, and I lost my sanity for the next two hours)

I'm so fucking happy and Matthew comes from a theatre too, speaking as a theatre person and someone who has been dissecting this film since its release

I really think there's gotta be more improvised scenes? Or at the very least stuff like the morning after V&A that was a last-minute decision to add in and wasn't in the script, or maybe scenes where there wasn't specific lines written and they just reacted and spoke based on the scenario? Or even little moments, the shoulder kiss or something?

"Tay" OH MY HEART

Ok I can make an argument on both how Nick is like and not like Henry, but Taylor is so ACD that he basically fell out of the book? How does he not see that? (personally think Taylor's very similar to Alex with a bit of Marco?)

Oh my god the whole segment of the DNC/getting caught scene and Taylor's ass

"I will take this one" "yeah"

"I love working with her, we both love working with her" That's sweet- hang on Nick you just have this one scene with her

I have so many more questions about this scene: Was Nick actually in the closet for that one shot? How many takes did it take?

Taylor referencing a detail in Bottoms from like a 30-second scene in the movie!!! Yes!!! We love seeing friends being supportive of each other (suddenly want to hear Taylor's opinions on M&G lmfao)

"And I'm not even going to get into M&G"

The text question is kind of the only question that made me think "Why would you ask that?" because that was definitely more of a directing/editing thing

Nick really freaking loves the cake scene, he mentioned that as his favourite scene three times at this point, all times on audio, twice on video

Aw Taylor's story about Jack... 🥺

But somehow everyone knowing it lmao, and Taylor's fucking awful British accent

And at this point Nick starts swearing lmao

Awww Nick's compliment to Taylor

Tangent: what the fuck is a fuel museum?

Oh I just love hearing them finishing each other's sentences when one of them forgets the word

Lmao imagine just recovering from Covid and then needing to make out for two hours

"Next to a witchcraft shop" What the fuck lmao

Tangent again but I could write a sociology essay on what Taylor said about architecture and history

I swear to God, Nick's "go on Taylor" somehow being softer, you can fucking hear that that little shit is smirking

Taylor saying that he wants a second book from Casey and me immediately going "BOTH OF YOU QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOBS" (I have complicated feelings about the bonus chapter)

"What-if world" exactly!

Taylor pulling out the stats about the queer population: did he fucking calculate that on the spot or he just casually have that information in his head?

the little wrap-up by the hosts was so sweet but somehow talking about Taylor's ass again oh my god (his body hair being digitally edited, it was minx right?)

"it's so sweet and nice and we need more of this in our lives right now" YES WE DO, WE FUCKING DO

"he's gonna be second-guessing his booty" is not a sentence I thought I'd ever hear but here we are

Culture shock moment: the number to call the podcast/American phone numbers is 3-3-4 which caught me off guard for a second cuz here it's 4-4

And that's it for now! God, I need so much more of this, like, if this is what we get out of a half-an-hour podcast interview what would press and promo be like?

Now that we're back for awards I really freaking hope these new RWRB content will be coming back, maybe like once a week or something

WE'RE BACK WE'RE FUCKING BACK WE'RE FUCKING WINNING

EVERYONE GO VOTE GO VOTE GO VOTE

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #alex claremont diaz #nicholas galitzine #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry hanover stuart fox #firstprince #rwrb thoughts #AHHHHHHHHHHHH #rwrb ramble #my rwrb list #oh my god oh my god oh my god #ahhhhhh #rwrb bts #rwrb cast

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