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#grieving (🙃)
napping-sapphic · 24 days
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trying to desensitize myself to one of my favorite albums that i listened to a lot to help me through a Bad Life Event™️ which has resulted in me just chilling with it playing while also having random moments of NEED TO CRY that i have to resist lol
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james-p-sullivan · 9 months
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todays the day
it’s been 6 years since my partner passed away and it’s hard to believe it happened at all. i was so devastated for so long and the people in my life at that time really didn’t make it easy for me. the cruelest things were said to me by the people i keep closest to me and i struggle with letting go of the things that happened surrounding his death
he had so much life in him and ill be forever heartbroken that he couldn’t actualize his dreams, that he died so young.
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milkiedimitrescu · 1 year
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Get this post to at least 20 like's and I will make this a comic series. 🙂 I know it won't, but at least try to pls 🥺
This is a dumb AU but I come up with random things ok
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God I wish human housing worked like pet adoption
"Friendly with cats, but cannot be in a home with other humans"
And then they took it seriously
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theflyingfeeling · 2 years
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32 paired with 6 for the spring prompts with Olli/Joonas? 🥺👉👈💕
I could have picked the entire list ngl these prompts are all so cute?? ;-;
By now spring has turned into summer and so have the "spring" prompts, I hope you don't mind though! 😁 btw this is NOT the version I originally started writing for this prompt (became frustrated and anxious about the length of that one; maybe one day I'll finish it and you'll get to read it!), instead I'm giving you a glimpse of the AU for which I got inspiration from Dublin 🙊 (a bit of deets in the tags, but beware spoilers!). Maybe after posting this I can eventually push myself to write the whole AU 😅
Thank you so much everyone who sent in their spring prompt requests! Now on to the domestic prompts (finally!) 💕
You can find all the spring fluff in this tag on my blog 🌷
32. Farmer’s market AU: I keep buying your stuff and flirting with you
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06. Gardener and rich person AU (1986 words)
~
There was a vase filled with roses on the bedside table that Joonas could not remember seeing there when he had gone to bed the night before. They were the kind he loved the most, out of all the different varieties of roses in the garden: dark red, almost black, with thorns that would definitely grate your skin to bloody scrapes if you weren’t careful enough (and Joonas was, ever since he fell into the bush when he was six years old).
Joonas stretched his long limbs but couldn’t quite make himself get out of bed just yet, even though he knew his half-brother would soon storm in and yank the velvet curtains on his window open. Joonas’ only hope was that Joel would be too sleep-deprived to care about him after having been wandering about the cemetery half the night again. 
(It seemed Joel thought Joonas wouldn’t hear his quiet steps echoing in the hallway in the dead of night, and Joonas felt too sorry for the man to bring up the topic himself.)
Eventually Joonas grew bored of wasting the morning in bed and set his bare feet on the soft rug by his bed. He yawned and flexed his arms above his head once more before he stood up and walked over to the window.
Pulling the curtains aside he couldn’t see much for a while, the sunbeams blinding his vision momentarily. Once his eyes had adjusted to the sudden light, he let his eyes wander on the yard that opened before him. From the fourth floor he had quite the view that reached to the farthest corners of the estate, but soon enough his eyes fixed on a small figure by the rose bushes.
A slow smile formed on Joonas lips as he observed the gardener focused on his work, occasionally stopping to wipe sweat off his forehead. Joonas could imagine the gardener’s curls sticking onto his temples and a layer of sweat glistening on his skin, perhaps even on his chest that would peek out from the collar of the gardener’s shirt.
Joonas picked one of the roses to bring it close to his nose. The smell reminded him of a particularly tropical night two days ago, when the temperature inside his chambers had rosen close to the nearly 30 degrees it had been all afternoon, and not only because of the heatwave they were currently experiencing.
He grinned and set the flower on the table while he found a white linen shirt to wear. Then he took the rose with him as he strolled across the room, stopping to grab one of his favourite hats from the rack by the door and headed to the stairway.
~
Joonas made sure to make his arrival heard by the gardener so as not to startle him; it wouldn’t have been the first time the poor man would have dropped his pruning shears upon Joonas greeting him unannounced.
“Hi there,” Joonas said softly once the gardener had lifted his gaze from the roses in front of him.
“Good morning, my lord.”
“Olli,” Joonas frowned, “have I not told you to call me by my name? You know my father’s not here to scold you about it anymore.”
Since he’s been pushing up daisies for four weeks now.
“An old habit,” Olli pursed his lips. “Besides, the butler would not approve if I failed to address you accordingly.”
Joonas turned to look around himself exaggeratingly.
“Is dear old Santeri hiding somewhere in the bushes spying on us?”
“Shhhh, he might!” Olli giggled, with a melody more gay and clear than that of the robin’s song.
“Always knew he’s a little deviant,” Joonas said, just to make Olli laugh a little louder. Joonas bit his lip as Olli’s amusement revealed the gap between his front teeth, just another feature Joonas had always loved about this young man he had known since they were boys and Olli’s mother had been hired as the gardener to look after the perennials Joonas’ own mother had planted a long time ago. 
Eventually their laughter died and the garden fell quiet again, as quiet as it can on a summer afternoon with the birds tweeting above their heads and the wind rustling the leaves of the trees surrounding the estate.
“Well. I shall not distract you more than this,” Joonas sighed, a smile still lingering on his mouth. Then he took a few steps closer to Olli, took his own felt hat off his head and dropped it on top of Olli’s. “Don’t overwork yourself, love,” he winked.
He was already walking away when Olli’s voice called for him.
“Joonas?”
Joonas stopped and turned in the middle of the lawn, waiting for the gardener to go on.
“There’s, umm…a farmer’s market today. In town.”
“There is?” Joonas asked, as if he hadn’t noticed the advertisement falling out of Olli’s pocket the other night.
“And I will, of course, see to my work here in the garden first and foremost, but… I’ve been growing a little something of my own. In the servants’ yard.”
“Are we not paying you enough?” Joonas asked and immediately wanted to bite off his tongue; just last week he had discovered crumpled paperwork in his father’s drawer, a document of the staff’s wages being cut to barely above the minimum since the beginning of the new season. He doubted it was the only one of such measures in the past few years his old man had done in an effort to save the business his own father had once been so proud of.
“No, no, it’s not like that at all!” Olli hurried to correct him, a hint of panic in his eyes. “It’s just…nothing more but a stupid hobby. I’m sorry, my lord, forget about it.”
Olli’s eyes were directed to his shoes now, and Joonas already missed their dark shade. 
Slowly he walked back to Olli and stopped to almost touch the tips of his leather shoes to Olli’s beaten-up ones, covered with brown and green stains from soil and grass. He caressed the smooth skin of Olli’s jaw with his fingertips to make the gardener look him in the eyes.
“Of course you’ll go, Olli. And you’ll sell each and every little vine and herb you’ve grown.”
Joonas himself would make sure of that.
~
“You see that curly-headed man over there?” Joonas whispered to a little girl and pointed towards Olli, tending to his seedlings nervously in his selling booth. “I want you to go and buy anything you want from him with these.” Then he pressed a few coins to the girl's small palm.
“Can I buy the pretty daisies and give them to mommy?” the girl asked with her eyes wide and glistening.
“Why don’t you buy them all and take some to granny as well?” Joonas smiled and slid a few more coins to the girl before sending her off.
He retreated behind a stand selling fresh bread and pies to watch how the girl skipped to Olli’s flower stall and pointed at the basket of pink, yellow and red flowers. When Olli picked up a few of them, the girl shook her head and handed him the money Joonas had given her. The surprise on Olli’s face was evident from how his mouth hung upen and how his eyes blinked a few times before he took the basket, tied a big pink ribbon on it and reached over the table to give it to the girl. Olli’s joyous smile was a mirror of the girls’ as she curtsied to the gardener and pranced along, possibly already picturing her mother’s delighted face upon seeing the basket and its contents.
Joonas observed Olli in his dumbfounded state before sauntering to his stall. Up close, Olli’s eyes gleamed even more brightly than Joonas had been able to see from his hideout.
“So! How’s business?” he asked casually and put his hands in his pocket where more coins waited to be wasted on pretty little flowers and whatever the dark green weeds next to them were.
“I am astounded, my lord.” Joonas winced at the title, but then he remembered they were in public, and even if the people of the town wouldn’t recognise Olli as one of his employees, they sure would frown upon a seemingly mere commoner calling the fresh owner of the Paradise Hotel by his first name.
“That so?”
“Earlier I sold a bunch of roses to a young man who wanted to surprise his sweetheart, and just now little Julia came and wanted to buy a whole basket of gerberas. This is beyond my wildest dreams!” Olli sighed and massaged his cheeks, perhaps to try and hide his excited blush but only ending up making his face even redder.
“I’m pleased to hear that, old friend,” Joonas said and made a mental note to thank the tavern keeper's son later for helping Joonas with his plan. “But I’m not surprised. These beautiful blossoms deserve every bit of recognition they get.”
“These are but shrubs…” Olli mumbled, smiling bashfully at the flowers.
“I mean it, Olli. You should hear how the guests at the hotel keep wondering about the garden at dinner. Some of them I’ve had to bribe out of offering you a job at theirs.”
Olli chuckled and shook his head.
“You expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, every word!” Joonas argued, because it was; the famous rose garden was one of the main attractions of the whole estate, and on more than one occasion a guest had asked to meet the creator of such wonders. Quite selfishly Joonas had deprived them of the honour, however, as he hated those times when he spotted a vacationer having wandered to the garden and engaged Olli in a relaxed conversation. Joonas wasn’t a jealous type, per se, but he did intend to be the only one to make Olli’s bright laughter chime in the evening air, preferably inside his bedroom if he could help it. 
Olli shook his head again and opened his mouth to say something, but then Joonas saw his eyes move on to someone beside Joonas. 
“How much for the begonias?”
Joonas retreated to the side and let the new customer – this time not one of his own minions – to haggle over the prices of the orange flowers and fiddled with the few coins left in the bottom of his trouser pocket. A moment later they said goodbyes, the woman with an armful of begonias, Olli with a handful of cash and a satisfied smile on his face.
“See? People are practically ripping the flowers out of your hands!”
An attractive shade of pink spreading to his cheeks, Olli put the money carefully in a small purse he kept in the front pocket of his apron.
“Are you here just to mouth off or are you gonna buy something too?” Olli said with his voice low. He looked up at Joonas from under his brows and batted his long, dark eyelashes, making Joonas want to go back to the hotel and empty their already half-empty safe and give it all to Olli in exchange for the colourful plants spread on the table between them.
“Funny you should mention,” Joonas fished a few coins from his pocket. “What might I get with five shillings?”
Olli burst into laughter.
“Just five? Nothing but weeds, I’m afraid.” But before Joonas could put the money back from where he took it, Olli gestured him to lean in closer.
The gardener brought his lips close to Joonas’ ear so that Joonas could feel his breathing on his skin. Shivers of pleasure went down Joonas’ spine when Olli whispered in his ear:
“But perhaps we can come to an agreement of payment at, let’s say, ten o’clock tonight?”
Joonas licked his own lips in anticipation before answering.
“You’ve got yourself a deal, gardener.”
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jonstarks · 11 months
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the constant dreadful feeling like a child lost at the mall
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God my sister and her fucking wedding will be the end of me 🥲🥲🥲🙃🙃🙃🙃
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justghostthings · 2 years
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Anyone else just having a Rough (TM) day
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vivaciousoceans · 1 month
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Idk watching ppl my age have to barricade themselves in rooms to protect themselves from the police who are trying to infringe on their right to protest and assemble may radicalize me even further
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forbiddennhoney · 7 months
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i know it doesnt have to be "as bad" as it used to be for it to still be impacting me severely. i know others suffering doesnt make my pain any less real. and yet i am sitting here feeling severe guilt over smthn thats supposed to be "natural" bc it causes such excessive pain (even when i am medicated & take pain meds to help it) that i may have to completely rearrange my Saturday bc i am in no condition to do what i had planned and if the pain doesn't stop I'll have to cancel and ik its important to prioritize my health but also i wish i could just grit through the pain bc i feel so guilty cancelling 🙃
#personal#being intersex is fun (':#<< heavy sarcasm rn if u cant tell#and b4 anyone says 'oh everyones periods are lainful just do xyz' pls consider i have been experiencing this for 12 years now#and Do know medically that i am intersex and that my condition impacts the function of my body and puts me in a level of pain that is so big#that at its peak when on my period my body starts mimicking labor bc it thinks smthn is trying to leave#and if you have never experienced a labor pain level cramp pls look it up or get one of those electric box thingies that let u feel it#bc my cramps are a solid 8-9 on those every time this happens#the sad thing is i say its “not as bad as it used to be” too but the reality is it is Just as painful#i have just been living with this long enough and have just enough hormones in my body from getting an implant to make it less frequent#than 3 weeks in a month 🙃 but its not less painful at all!#(yes i used to have my period for 3 weeks at a time)#im also worried bc like. it seems like my period is coming more often than when i first started this version of hormone treatment#I've already blown through pills being effective and my junk is the wrong shape inside for an IUD to fit properly#(like i could but it would likely cause other pains and worse side effects)#so im already at my second to last resort (BC implant for continuous hormone release) and it works to a point but its getting less effective#the longer im using it and im so scared bc i think im already at a point where i have to get my stuff removed w/in the next 5 years#and i already knew i would and i want to really#but there's a large part of me that is still devastated by that and grieves this bc its a Requirement for me after a certain point to be in#less pain ): and like... idk i didnt want kids ever but also now as an adult ive experienced multiple miscarriages#(bc my condition makes my body hostile essentially)#and so its like..... extra grief.#idk im rambling in these tags
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sotruebritney · 1 year
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i should finish my masters applications but i feel paralysed by anxiety over the elections like can’t do anything productive these days it’s just angry tears and panic attacks
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raccoonfagdyke · 2 years
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nvrsaidiwasinurcloset · 2 months
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Can You Feel My Heart - GF!Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader
This was a request I got over a month ago, and the person that asked for it was very detailed in the things they wanted, and I didn't want to give away the entire fic before anyone read it lmao. If you're the one that requested it, I hope you like it! It's definitely a bigger one, 5.9k words🙃
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I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim
This contains SMUT - Minors DNI
Summary: You were supposed to die in Tara and Sam's apartment, but you never showed. When he tries to finish the job, he realizes that he can't hurt you, and you help him decided to save the rest of your friends.
Contains: Dryhumping? Oral - m & f receiving, p in v, fingering. Nothing too crazy, Ethan's an inexperienced virgin for the most part in this.
A/N: Deadass want to write something where reader makes Ethan cum in his pants💀
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Ethan knew he couldn’t do what his family asked when it came to hurting you, but after hours of Quinn telling Ethan that you’d never want him, and that you would never see him as anything more than a pathetic loser, he’d channeled enough rage towards you to hopefully do the job he was asked to do.
When he popped out of Quinn’s closet that night and killed her flavor of the week, the adrenaline was already pumping through his veins. When he went out to the main area of the apartment, he searched for you. He thought back to the text you sent him about being bummed that he had econ and couldn’t join you and the rest of the friend group, so he knew this was where you were supposed to be. He didn’t let you not being there throw everything off, it just meant Anika had to die before it was originally planned.
He met with his dad before he had to show up at the crime scene and play the roll of the grieving father to explain how everything actually played out.
“She wasn’t there?!” Wayne yelled, as Ethan nodded, his breathing still heavy from all the running to get away from the apartment before anyone had a chance to see him. “Fuck, I thought you had this all planned out!”
“I’m sorry,” Ethan said, “She was supposed to be there. I guess she changed her mind.”
“You’re going to finish the job though, right?” Wayne asked, knowing how much convincing it took to get Ethan to want to kill you in the first place.
“Yeah, I’ll take care of it. I know tomorrow’s supposed to be the end of all this, but I have her schedule memorized. I’ll just break into her apartment before she get’s home from class, kill her, and I’ll meet you at the theater,” he said, as Wayne nodded in approval.
“I knew you wouldn’t let me down.”
The next day, you went to class. You’d heard about another attack but had no idea it was Anika and Quinn. With you backing out of coming over to Tara and Sam’s last minute before the attacks happened, your friends couldn’t help but wonder if you could’ve been the one that caused her death. You were the last person they’d suspect, but they thought it was a little strange.
Finally, Tara called you when you were walking back home after your morning classes.
“Hey, sorry I didn’t come over last night. I was so tired,” you said, as soon as you answered the phone.
“It’s a good thing you didn’t,” Tara said. You immediately heard the sadness in her voice.
“Wait, what happened?” you asked, before you heard Mindy yelling at Tara for calling you in the background. “Tara, what’s going on?”
“The killer came to the apartment last night…Quinn and Anika are dead,” she said, as you were walking through your front door.
“Oh my god,” you said, bracing yourself against the doorway as you took in the news she just told you. “Is Mindy okay?” you asked as you started to get emotional. You weren’t the closest to Anika yet, but you were getting there. You loved her sweet yet sarcastic personality, and you’d recently started to get to know her better from the study sessions with her and Ethan.
“No, not really,” Tara sighed, “Were you really home last night? I hate to ask you because I don’t think you’d do anything like this…but you saying you weren’t coming over last minute was a little suspicious.”
You were taken aback by her accusations, and were about to respond, when you heard the beeping that someone else was calling you. You felt annoyed as you saw the unknown number, quickly declining it before you responded to Tara.
“Tara, I promise you I was at home. I was so tired after class yesterday,” you got out, before you started to get another unknown number call, “Fuck, someone keeps calling me. I’ll text you in a little bit. We’ll figure out who’s doing this.”
“Okay, be safe,” she said, before you ended the call and answered whoever kept calling you.
“Hello?” you asked, the irritation in your voice obvious as you heard a chuckle on the other end of the call.
“I thought you were just going to keep ignoring me.”
You immediately recognized the voice. You’d heard it several times before in the Stab movies, and started to think this was some kind of sick prank.
“Who is this?” you asked, walking towards your kitchen, “Because this isn’t funny.”
“Oh, you sweet, dumb thing,” the person responded, a hint of laughter still in their voice. “I think this is hilarious. You’re all alone in your apartment, no one to save you…”
You tensed up as you glanced around the areas of your apartment that you could see from the kitchen, before inching your way towards the drawer that contained the knives.
“Don’t even think about it,” the voice said, the realization that whoever this was could see you in that moment setting in.
“Who the fuck is this?” you asked, your voice a little shaky as your anxiety kicked in.
“Aww, are you scared?” the voice cooed, “Because you should be.”
That’s when you saw the masked figure darting towards you from your bedroom. You tried to make a run for the front door, but Ghostface was hot on your heels. The knife was shoved in your direction in attempts to slow you down, but the knife penetrated the wood of your door. The killer struggled for a few seconds as they tried to get the knife out, giving you the smallest amount of time to get away from them.
You ran to your living room, searching for anything you could use to help you defend yourself, when you noticed that Ghostface had joined you in the room, holding the knife up as they stared at you.
“Why are you doing this?” you cried. Seeing you like this had Ethan feeling so guilty, but Quinn’s words kept replaying in his head. He didn’t say anything as he charged towards you again. You tried to fight him off, but you were quickly overpowered by him.
He threw you to the ground before he straddled your body. You kept trying to fight, refusing to just give up, even though this person was a lot stronger than you. Both of Ghostface’s hands were wrapped around his knife as they held it over their head, your life literally flashing before your eyes as you waited for it all to be over.
Ethan hesitated, though. The fear in your eyes, your tear-soaked cheeks, and the sobs slipping past your lips were something he knew would haunt him if he went through with this.
“I’m so sorry,” you heard, recognizing the voice as the knife was lowered and clanked on the floor beside you. “I can’t do this to you.”
“Ethan?!” you choked out, gaining enough strength to shove him off you. You used your hands and feet to back yourself closer to the wall, pulling yourself up by the windowsill as he sat on the floor. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
“I don’t know,” he cried, pulling the mask over his head and throwing it in frustration. “I can’t do anything right.”
You eyed him as you stood against the wall, watching him cry. You were so shaken up and furious, but you couldn’t help but wonder how Ethan ended up in this position. He was this shy, sweet person that you enjoyed spending time with, and maybe it was your personal feelings towards him, but you felt bad for him.
You walked over to where the knife was, kicking it to the other side of the room under your tv stand. If he had a change of heart and decided he wanted to kill you, you knew him trying to fish that out would give you enough time to escape.
“What the fuck, Ethan?” you sighed, standing beside him as he still sat in his place on the floor. “Why?”
He just kept crying, so ashamed of himself that he got roped into his dad’s plan in the first place. He felt sick, and not just mentally. He was fighting his nausea as you finally crouched down beside him.
“Talk to me,” you said, as he finally looked up at you. He looked scared, his pupils huge as his chin quivered.
“My family is behind all this,” he said, jumping up off the floor as you hesitantly stood up. “Fuck, they’re gonna kill me.”
You started to get nervous all over again as he paced the floor. His hands were shaking, and you couldn’t tell if it was out of fear or anger, but you stepped as far away from him as you could.
“I don’t even understand why you were a part of this in the first place. You didn’t have anything to do with Richie dying,” he ranted, before pausing for a second, “Are you close to your parents?”
You just stared at him, unsure of what to say. This wasn’t the Ethan you knew, and his erratic behavior had a huge lump in your throat.
“I bet your parents love you. I bet they’d never treat you the way my dad treats me,” he said, after you didn’t answer him. “I bet they never make you feel like you’re worthless.”
“You’re not worthless,” you said softly, his head snapping in your direction. You hesitated before speaking again. “Your family is doing this because of Richie? How is he a part of this?”
Ethan stepped towards you, as you backed even further against the wall. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
You shook your head as you looked at him, “You just tried to kill me, Ethan…I’m terrified of you right now.”
“Fuck,” he said, tearing up again. “Richie was my brother. I know you heard the story about Sam stabbing him and slitting his throat,” Ethan paused, you nodded for him to continue, “My dad and sister wanted revenge. I didn’t want to do any of this.”
“Then why did you?” you questioned, as he wiped tears from his cheeks.
“Because my dad told me that it would finally make him proud of me for something…and he said he’d just kill me too if I didn’t help with all this.”
You started to relax against the wall a little as you processed everything. This wasn’t about him wanting to hurt you or anyone else, he just wanted to be loved by the one person that should’ve loved him regardless. He was broken, and even though the voice inside your head kept screaming that you were stupid for wanting to comfort him, your huge heart was breaking for him.
“Ethan,” you said, slowly stepping towards him, “Everything will be okay.”
“No it won’t!” he yelled, making you jump, “Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, noticing that he’d scared you again. He started to speak in a softer tone, “My dad is a fucking detective…even if I try to run away from all of this, he’d just find me.”
You stood there in silence for a few seconds as the realization hit you, “Detective Bailey?” you asked, as he nodded.
“Quinn is a part of this, too. She’s my sister.”
“Ethan…Quinn died last night. This isn’t making sense,” you said, as he scoffed.
“She’s not dead…I wish she was, though. I fucking hate her.”
You both stood in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds heard in the room was his heavy breathing and the occasional sob he’d let out…and the pounding in your chest but you were sure only you could hear that.
“I know you probably hate me right now, and I’m so sorry that I scared you like that. You didn’t deserve it,” he finally said, his eyes connecting with yours. “I’d rather my own life be over than take yours.”
“Your life isn’t over,” you said, as he started to awkwardly laugh.
“It is, though. I still helped with this. I’m going to spend the rest of my life in prison.”
“Not if you stop all this. You can still do the right thing,” you said, his eyes growing wide at your suggestion. “I’m the only person that knows…I won’t say anything.”
He looked at you in disbelief, unsure if you were serious or if you just had a really good poker face.
“I do have another question, though,” you said, walking closer towards him, until he was right in front of you. “Why didn’t you kill me?”
You wanted to pull him into a hug. You wanted him to feel like he was cared about. But you really needed to know why he changed his mind last minute before you did anything.
“I uhm…” he said, trailing off as he tried to find the right words to say, “I really like you, You’re just so sweet, and you’re always showing interest in the things I like, even if you don’t understand it. Quinn tried to make me hate you enough to do it, but I couldn’t.”
“So…Quinn tried to convince you to kill me?” you asked, a little confused. You’d spent plenty of time with her at Sam and Tara’s. You now knew that her kindness towards you was all an act, but you didn’t understand why she thought you needed to die.
“Yeah, she knew how I felt about you,” he said, glancing at the floor as his cheeks started to turn a rosy pink. “She said you’d never want to be with me. That doesn’t matter, though. That wasn’t a good enough reason for me to finish the job.”
“Is that all I am to you? A job?” you half-joked, as he started to smile, looking back up at you.
“Not at all.”
You both just stared at each other as he started to calm down. His eyes were red from all the crying, the guilt for even trying to hurt you painted on his face, but you still grabbed his hands and pulled him close to you.
“It’s going to be okay, Ethan. I’ll help you get through this,” you said, as your hands comfortingly ran over his back. He relaxed into your touch, but he was still a little shocked that you didn’t hate him at that moment.
“Are you okay?” he softly asked, “I know I slammed you on the floor pretty hard.”
“I’m still pissed at you, but I’m okay,” you said, as you started to pull away. He held onto you tighter, not wanting to let you go just yet. “Ethan,” you said sternly, “We need to talk about something else.”
“Sorry…you have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve had affection like this,” he mumbled against you, before pulling away. “I’m really fucked up, aren’t I?”
“I might be a little fucked up, too. I want to make you feel better after you tried to kill me,” you said, as he shook his head.
“You’re not fucked up, you’re perfect.”
You grabbed his gloved hand and led him over to the couch. He realized that he was still wearing the robe and pulled it off, tossing it on the floor before he sat down beside you. Your eyes connected with his as you slid the gloves off his hands and threw them on top of the robe.
“I know your family has their plans, but we need to save the rest of our friends,” you said, his heart pounding when you said the word ‘we’.
“No, you can’t help. I can’t let anything happen to you. I’ll take care of it,” he said, as your hands still held onto his. He looked down at them, before looking back up at you. “You mean a lot to me, even if you don’t feel the same way I do.”
You smirked at him as your thumbs rubbed against the top of his hands, “I never said I didn’t feel the same way you do.”
The tension was building up as you just looked at each other. He wasn’t the most experienced, and you knew that, so you decided to make the first move. You leaned in and gently kissed him before you pulled away. He had a sweet smile on his lips, his cheeks pink, but he wanted more.
He gained a little confidence, leaning forward to kiss you. It wasn’t a simple peck like yours was, as his lips needily moved against yours. Your head was spinning as he pushed you back on the couch, his body hovering over yours as you ran your tongue across his bottom lip. He gasped at the feeling, giving you the opportunity to slip your tongue in his mouth. He didn’t know what to do at first, but soon enough, his tongue was moving with yours.
After a few minutes, he pulled away so you could both catch your breath. He was panting on top of you, a small gasp slipping out of your mouth as he adjusted his hips to get more comfortable in his place between your legs.
You started to get a little lost in thought, wondering if you were crazy. You didn’t expect to be making out with Ethan after he held a knife over you and scared you more than you’d ever been, but it just felt right.
You grabbed his shirt and pulled him back down to kiss you. The grip you had on his shirt relaxed, your fingertips gently running down his chest. He started to tense up a little when your hands reached his stomach, a small groan slipping into your mouth at the feeling. He didn’t pull away from you, the kiss only getting more intense as he started to grind against you.
“Fuck,” you mumbled against him, before nudging him back. “My bed is a lot more comfortable…just saying.”
“Okay,” he said, trying to catch his breath.
After both of you stood up, you could see how hard he was in his jeans. He subtly tried to cover it with his free hand, his other hand laced with yours as you led him to your room.
It got a lot harder for him to hide it once you pushed him back on your bed. You glanced at it before you straddled him, his cheeks turning pink, yet again.
“You keep blushing,” you said, as you started to roll your hips. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” he spat out, so quickly that you started to giggle. “Please don’t stop.”
Your hips kept moving as he placed his hands on them, pulling you closer to him. You gasped at the friction it was giving your clit, your panties getting more soaked by the second. He was starting to groan, his mouth falling open as his eyes fluttered shut.
“Okay, we need to stop,” he said, his breathing heavy as his eyes snapped open. “You’re going to make me cum in my pants.”
“Would you rather cum in my mouth?” you asked, your eyes looking deep into his. He didn’t know what to say, because he was so embarrassed that just you grinding against him was enough to almost bring him over the edge. He knew the second you put him in your mouth, he’d cum on the spot. You could tell he was nervous, his hands feeling a little shaky as he held onto you. “It’s okay, baby. We can stop.”
“No, I want to…I just don’t want you to be disappointed,” he sighed, turning his eyes away from your gaze. “Whatever we do, I know I won’t last long.”
“Ethan, I know you’re a virgin. I don’t expect you to last long.” He started to get flustered, hating the fact that his inexperience was so obvious. “It’s okay. If you want me to make you feel good, I will.”
“Shit,” he mumbled, “Okay, we can do it.”
You smirked as you slid off him and started to unbutton his jeans. He lifted his hips as you slid them down a little, the wet spot on his boxers from his precum making your mouth water even more than it already was. He sharply inhaled the second you grabbed his cock out of his boxers, his hips jolting forward at the simple action.
“Relax, baby,” you said softly as you leaned down to take him in your mouth.
You were trying to tease him a little, just swirling your tongue against his tip, when his hips jerked forward again. His cock hit the back of your throat, making you gag around him.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he whined, his chest heaving at the feeling, “I didn’t mean to do that.”
You just kept gagging around him, intentionally making your mouth more wet for him before you started to bob your head. His hands tightly gripped your comforter as you sucked, the feeling better than he could’ve ever imagined. He was trying so hard to hold back, but you made it impossible for him. His groans turned to whimpers as you started to stroke what you couldn’t fit in your mouth. You knew he was close when he started to babble, only recognizing the words ‘Perfect’ and ‘So good’.
His hips started to rut forward again, his legs shaking as one of his hands went to your hair. He tightly gripped it as the feeling washed over him, his salty cum filling your mouth. After his hips stopped thrusting, you swallowed and slid him out of your mouth.
You sat there for a minute after you pulled away, watching him fully come back down from his high. He felt your gaze on him as he slowly opened his eyes and smiled at you.
“That was…fuck,” he sighed, pulling you closer to him. “Can we do that again sometime?”
“I hope so,” you said, as you started to think about what Ethan had to do. “When is everything else supposed to happen, like with the Ghostface stuff?”
You sat up a little to look at him as you waited for his answer. “Shit, if I’m going to stop it, I need to get to the theater,” he sighed, pulling his boxers and jeans back over his hips. “Can we finish this later?”
“Of course,” you said, fully sitting up on your bed. “I want to come with you.”
“No, I’m not losing the girl I’m in love with,” he said, jumping off the bed and landing on his feet. He paused when he realized what he said. “I guess you know how I really feel in case I don’t make it out of this alive.”
“I’m not staying here and worrying about you all night,” you said, sliding off your bed. “Do you know the theater well?”
“Yeah, but you’re not coming!” He was starting to get irritated, but he knew with your persistence that you were coming with him whether he liked it or not. “You could get killed, babe. I can’t keep you safe and take down dad and Quinn at the same time.”
“If they already think I’m dead, don’t you think that would be helpful?” you asked, “I’ll get our friends out before anything happens to them.”
“Fuck, okay. But we need to leave right now.”
You were hoping you could catch your friends before they made it inside the theater, but you peaked around the side of the building as soon as they were going in.
“There’s a back way, just let me scope it out for Quinn first,” he said, as the two of you walked around the old theater. He slid the robe back on and covered his face with the mask before he turned to look at you. “Wait here,” he said, before he opened the door and walked inside.
You were outside for a while before you heard screaming and Ethan’s voice booming on the other side of the door. You didn’t know what was going on, you even started to think that he’d decided to go through with the original plan, after all. You screamed once the masked figure walked out, the bloody knife in their hand.
“It’s okay, babe. It’s me,” he said, reaching for your hand. You hesitantly took his hand in yours as he led you inside, noticing a huge pool of blood on the floor.
“Is that…Quinn?” you asked, noticing the body hunched over in the corner.
“Yeah, we don’t have much time. Dad will be here soon,” he said, leading you down the hallway towards the museum-like display.
You bumped into Chad and Tara when you came around a corner. They both froze when they saw you, your hand still in Ethan’s.
“It was you?” Tara asked, as your eyes went wide, realizing how this all looked.
“No, but we need to get you guys the fuck out of here,” you said, motioning for Tara to come with you. They both stood in their spot as Chad glanced around, looking for something Tara could defend herself with as he tried to take down the masked person. “I’m fucking serious! We have to go!”
“Please just listen to her,” Ethan said, as Chad and Tara looked at each other. “I know how this looks, but you need to go with her. I’ll get Sam and Kirby out next.”
“Why should we trust you?” Chad asked, as Ethan lifted the mask off.
“I’m trying to do the right thing…and it’ll all be for nothing if you don’t go with her. Please, my dad’s on his way,” he sighed, as Chad hesitantly nodded.
“We can both take her if this is bullshit,” Chad whispered to Tara as she nodded. “You’re going to get Sam and Kirby?” he asked, as Ethan nodded. “Fuck, let’s go.”
You led them down the hall as Ethan made his way into the theater to search for the other two. Once you got closer to where Quinn was, you warned them.
“Try not to freak out, but there’s a body around the corner,” you said, noticing the blood spreading across the hall.
“What the fuck is going on?” Chad finally asked, “Whoa, who is that?”
You turned to face them, the confusion on their faces obvious when they noticed the red hair.
“That’s Quinn, she never died. Detective Bailey is in on this,” you said, before trying to think of the best way to explain Ethan without telling them his involvement. “Ethan is Quinn’s brother. He figured all this out today, and he wanted to stop it.”
“Oh,” was all Tara said, as you led them out the back door.
The three of you waited outside for a while. Tara was starting to freak out, the concern for her sister’s safety made her want to go back inside.
“Where the fuck are they?” Chad asked, as he heard Sam start to yell for Tara from the front entrance.
You ran around to the front of the building, panic setting in when you saw Sam and Kirby, but no Ethan.
“What happened?” you asked, peaking around them, hoping to see him walk out behind them.
“We didn’t believe Ethan at first…until he started to fight Detective Bailey,” Sam said, noticing the sadness in your eyes as your thoughts ran wild. “He’s okay, he’s in the ambulance over there.”
“Oh my god,” you said, running over to him. He smiled at you as you crawled into the back, your anxiety fading once you saw he was okay. “I forgot to tell you something earlier,” you said, sitting down beside him. You leaned in to kiss him, mumbling “I love you, too,” against his lips before you pulled away.
You were soon joined in the back by a paramedic, who was looking over a huge gash on Ethan’s arm that you didn’t see before, the blood unnoticeable with the black robe he was still wearing.
“Oh shit,” you said, looking at it. “How hurt are you?”
“This is it,” he said with a smile, before wincing at the numbing medication being injected into his arm. “That burns.”
You were shocked after he was all stitched up and one of the new detectives on the case said he was good to go, but that he’d just need to come down to the police station the next day. Ethan looked over to you, silently thanking you for keeping your word and not ratting him out. You knew he was wrong for doing what he did to Anika, but it was so easy for it to be pinned on his dead dad.
“Thank you, Ethan,” Sam said, as he hopped out of the back of the ambulance. “We’re going back to our apartment. You guys want to come?”
You and Ethan exchanged your glances as he took your hand in his.
“No, I think we’re going to…uh, hang out?” he said, like it was a question. It made you giggle as Chad curiously eyed him. He stopped Ethan before the two of you walked away, discreetly pulling a condom out of his wallet.
“Just in case you need it,” he said, as Ethan nodded and slid it into the front pocket of his jeans.
“Thanks, dude.”
Once you made it back to your apartment, you couldn’t figure out if you were with the same nervous Ethan from earlier in the day. He had you out of your clothes in minutes, your bare back against the plush comforter as he trailed kisses down your stomach. His hands were inching up your thighs as he pushed them apart.
He moved lower, groaning at the sight of your soaked pussy before he started to place gently kitten licks to your clit. You started to moan as his tongue moved faster, your hand tangling in his curls to encourage him, as if your moaning wasn’t already doing that enough. Once he moved his tongue a little lower and swirled it inside of you, your hips involuntarily jolted, much like his did earlier in the day. When your hips kept moving, he pinned them down with his free hand as he kept lapping at the wetness dripping out of you.
“Shit, Ethan,” you moaned, which only made him go faster.
His mouth worked you closer to the edge when he pulled away. You whined at the loss of contact, knowing how close you were getting to your orgasm. He wasn’t going to let it slip away, instead using his fingers and curving them inside you.
“Right there,” you whimpered once he brushed his fingers over the spongy spot inside of you.
His fingers firmly pressed as they moved, his tongue moving back up to lick fat stripes across your swollen clit. The orgasm you were so close to having was quickly approaching again, your hips still trying to buck against him as he struggled to hold them down. Your vision was getting hazier by the second, your whimpers getting louder as your legs started to shake.
“Fuck, I’m cumming,” you whined, as your pussy started contracting around his fingers.
He pulled his mouth away from your clit to have a better view of your face as his fingers slowed inside of you. You were a panting mess as you came back down, your eyes hooded as your hands reached for him.
“Don’t take this wrong because that was amazing, but that wasn’t what I expected,” you said, your breathing still labored as he snuggled up beside you. “I didn’t really have to tell you what to do at all.”
He started to laugh to himself as his hand reached over to run along your naked body, “I guess it just came to me. I knew moaning meant I was doing something right.”
“You did everything right, fuck,” you sighed, feeling his hand run over one of your breasts, gently pinching your nipple between his fingers. “No pressure, but if you want to have sex, we can.”
“Seriously?” he asked, sitting up a little to look at you.
“Yeah, I know you already have a condom,” you said, running your hand over the pocket of his jeans. “Chad should really be a little less obvious.”
“He just wanted me to be prepared,” he sighed, sliding the condom out of his pocket.
He crawled off the bed to take his jeans off. You started to giggle as he climbed back up, the tent in his boxers obvious as he sat on his knees and looked at you.
“Those have to come off, too,” you said, as he started to blush. His hesitance made you roll your eyes as you sat up and leaned over, shimmying his boxers down his hips. “You have nothing to be self-conscious about,” you said, as his cock stood at attention right in front of your face.
You grabbed the condom off the bed beside you and opened it. He intently watched you as you rolled it on his length, the feeling making his breath hitch in his throat.
“Please don’t hate me if this doesn’t last long,” he said, as he got settled between your legs.
“No pressure,” you assured him, as he started to push inside of you, stretching your walls.
He took it slow, at first. His hands teasingly roamed the areas of your body he could reach, the tickling feeling only building your anticipation up even more. Once he got through the initial fear of cumming too quickly, he started to move a little faster. His bottom lip was in between his teeth as he looked down at you, your tits jiggling with each thrust. He held on to one of them as his other hand went to your hip, holding you in place as his thrusts sped up.
He started to groan as he fucked into you, his cheeks red as his mouth hung open. You could tell he was trying to hold back, his mind somewhere else as he tried to distract himself. You moved one of your hands to your clit, rubbing quick circles as your other hand grabbed onto his arm.
“Baby,” you moaned out, as he started to focus on you again. “Go a little faster, I’m close.”
“Shit,” he groaned, snapping his hips into yours. You started to move your hips to meet his thrusts, the feeling of the tip of your cock repeatedly hitting your g-spot had you teetering on the edge.
You let out a loud moan as the euphoric feeling washed over you, your skin tingling as your pussy clenched him. His eyes started to flutter as his thrusts started to falter, a whimper slipping past his lips as he started to fill the tip of the condom. He stilled inside of you as you just kept tightening around him, his head hanging as he caught his breath.
“God, babe,” he said, sliding out of you. “I just want to stay inside you all the time.”
You giggled at him as he laid down beside you. “Is it that good?”
“You have no fucking idea.”
You were starting to get some post-nut clarity as you laid your head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. He’d killed three people in one day and tried to kill you. You were still so proud of him for saving the rest of the people you cared about, even if he had his little psychotic tendencies. You made a mental note to bring up therapy to him once the investigation was over, knowing he needed to work through the daddy issues he ultimately had after years of neglect. You knew that you were going to be by his side the whole way, not wanting him to feel like he didn’t matter ever again.
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baby-yongbok · 8 months
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Grief
Felix × Fem!Reader
Genre: Angst, kinda heavy, I'll say that it's heavy to be safe.
Word Count: 1,233
Summary: You had to find a way to numb the pain after losing your best friend, but hurting your boyfriend wasn't part of the plan.
Warnings: Mentions of drinking, Heavy Themes of Grief, Themes of toxic Coping skills, Yelling, Cursing.
A/N: it's grieving season for me so here's an attempt to let my feeling out ✨️enjoy✨️ this doesn't seem dark to me but I don't think like everyone else, please pay attention to the tags. + I'm uploading from my phone, so I'm sorry if anything looks stupid 🙃
✨️Masterlist✨️
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The doorknob twisted and turned vigorously as you fought with your keys. Your senses were off, but who's wouldn't be after taking as many shots as you have tonight.
Finally, you manage to find the right key and you're hoisted inside by your own body weight. You giggle at yourself as you stumble into the dark living room. The sound of your thick converse against the hardwood echoing off the walls. You shut the door a lot harder than you meant to, earning another giggle to fall from your lips.
"Are you going to keep doing this?" You jump at the sound of your boyfriend's smooth voice. Looking around with your blurry vision until your eyes landed on Felix sitting in the arm chair across from you. His voice is relatively calm, angry but calm.
"What?" You asked, plopping down on the couch and slipping your sneakers off. Before he can answer you're pulling yourself back up and stumbling your way over to the kitchen.
"You know what, going out and getting drunk. Drowning out your consciousness every night." Felix follows you, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he watches you closely. His eyes look sad but you're too inebriated to comment.
"It's fine. It's fun." You slur slightly as you try your best to extend yourself, standing on your toes to reach the top shelf of the cabinet. Felix watches you as you try to reach a bottle of red wine, a very expensive bottle that you both agreed to save for special occasions. Felix runs his hands over his face before he walks over to you. You smile at him thinking that he's going to help you. He leans forward, aggressively reaching up and slamming the cabinet shut, sobering you up a bit.
"What the fuck, Felix." You jump at the sound and push his shoulder. He glares down at you.
"I need you to stop this. This isn't the right way to deal with grief, me and the guys are here for you. We can find a good therapist, there are resources out there."
"Therapy doesn't fucking bring her back." You yell, eyes wide with anger. You've been working hard to get the feelings to go away. You've been going out nearly every night, drinking and trying to live your best life even though your partner in crime since Pre-school is gone. Felix nods, taking a deep breath to level his emotions.
"I understand that but this isn't healthy and -" A loud scoff leaves your lips, you shake your head as your anger rises.
"I don't need a fucking lecture. You have no idea what it's like to lose your best friend." Those were the words that made Felix snap, his vision went dark. Everything that he had been holding back for weeks poured out in an instant.
"The hell I do, I've been watching you, my best friend, practically kill herself with alcohol for an entire month. I can't do this shit anymore, Y/n. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to be there for you but you just aren't there anymore. You're not even willing to look in the damn mirror and see that you're falling apart. Do you think she'd be proud of this shit?"
Felix's deep voice bounced off of the walls and echoed through your head. He's never yelled at you before, this is the first time that he's used the deep tone of his voice towards you in an act of anger. Such an intense one at that. You stand there wide eyed and teary as Felix runs his hands through his hair, pacing a bit as more anger creeps up his throat. His loud deep voice ringing through your ears again.
"Nothing that I do seems to fucking matter, I've called therapists, I've tried to get you to go. I tried at home management. I tried giving you your space. Chan tells me not to hover, Hyunjin tells me to be open minded, Changbin tells me to guide you in the right direction but all that you want is the fucking alcohol. I've stayed up night after night worrying about you. I've cried during practices, I've cried on the phone with my sister, I've cried so fucking much because I'm losing you. You're standing right in front of me but I don't know who you are."
"Felix - " You take a step towards him, reaching for him but he takes a step back, shaking his head and cutting you off.
"No I can't, I don't want to hear it. I know that you're hurting, I understand that but I can't ignore my own pain anymore." Felix leans against the counter, hands in his hair as he slides down onto the floor.
"I quit, Y/n. I can't take it, I can't watch you kill yourself." His voice is softer now. He's sitting on the cool kitchen tile, knees to his heaving chest.
Tears fall from your eyes as you watch him. The weight of the moment is crashing down on you and you can't help but to crash with it. You can feel it all creeping up on you, the pain that you fought so violently to avoid is doubled. You were so focused on the person that you'd lost that you ended up pushing away the person that you still have. Dealing with grief is hard, it's earth shattering and painful but adding to the pain doesn't help. All of the drinks that you've had up until this point aren't worth the sight in front of you. It isn't worth hearing your boyfriend scream at the top of his lungs. It isn't worth seeing your boyfriend break right in front of you.
You double over, sobbing into your hands as you take it all in. You stop fighting the pain, falling to your knees. Mumbled apologies fall from your mouth as you try your best to explain but none of it makes sense. You want to give him an explanation, you want to be vulnerable for the first time in the last month since you lost your best friend. You want to hug her, Felix, yourself.
Felix would usually comfort you, but not tonight. Tonight he's decided to save himself. Tears decorate his freckled cheeks as he pulls himself from the floor, he looks over at you for a second too long muttering a small 'I'm sorry' before reluctantly leaving the kitchen and slowly climbing the stairs. You listen as he shuts one of the upstairs doors and the tears fall faster, sobbing harder into your hands.
Is it too late? Did you drive him away? You can't lose him too, you can't take that. You hug yourself tight, trying your best to feel some type of warmth, some type of comfort but it isn't enough. Your breath catches in your throat as everything plays over in your head. You feel heavy with pressure, you're a balloon that's slipped from a child's hands into the sky. You can feel yourself drifting away until you hit the atmosphere and suddenly, you pop.
Screams fill the quiet space around you. Your throat burns as you let it all out, every word you didn't get to say to your best friend, every tear that you refused to cry, all of it comes tumbling out in a raw display of pain. Grief in its purest form.
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percyjacksonscookies · 9 months
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hey everyone, if you wanna help a couple latino/indigenous two spirit bitches please listen to my tales of woe, I've been having a real shit of a summer
my ex boyfriend dumped me 3 days before my birthday and then took his name off of the lease with 10 months left on it
i am very very broke as ive been grieving this year and its been exhausting me trying to work through that
i had a job at lowes at the beginning of the year but i had to quit due to the demand they were putting on their skeleton crew, there weren't enough workers for the work load to be fair, I was basically doing the jobs of 2 to 3 people and i couldn't keep up with it while also grieving
i really really need help with raising the funds left by his rent
not only was he soooo lovely by leaving me and then ghosting me, he also was the one that insisted on finding a house with a lot of square footage, because he insisted that he could afford it 🙃
well i can't
I'm doing deliveries for ubereats right now but its not enough to live on, there's no guarantee of work or pay and i cant afford all the gas and car maintenance i need to do now
im looking for more work but its so hard because Im living with my immunocompromised sibling and having any sort of standards while job hunting right now already makes it nearly impossible to find what you need
so if anyone could donate or reblog this i would be so so so grateful
any funds would go towards the rent he left and hopefully I'll still be able to move out of Texas by the end of my lease, dont think I can move out as that would be so much more stressful, expensive, and would make moving out of state a lot harder as month to month leases are a lot more expensive and im trying to leave ASAP, while not having anything saved up right now due to the everything
I'll show proof to anyone that asks, just message me and ill give that to you asap
GOAL FOR FUNDS: 0/5,600
again I would be really grateful for anything you could do, a reblog or a donation, or even some kind words, thank u as well for reading all this
venmo: @bigbitchgotmoney
cashapp: $mossball
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warmmilk-n-honey · 1 year
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Ok part 2 of my dadbastian vampire au...
Seb is actually surprised that Ciel survived the transformation since he's tiny and Seb has never known of another child vampire. Sebastian also kind of lucks out finding out that his new charge was the son of a wealthy nobleman, now he gets to live in a giant manor! Before he was just kinda hopping around mostly living in like the woods, he's a very skilled shape shifter and was kind of feral before he started playing at being a fancy noble.
Seb is an extremely old vampire and is therefore pretty dang powerful.
Ciel adjusts to being a vampire poorly at first, he is just a baby after all and he's still grieving his family and dealing with his trauma. He does start to enjoy his un-life a bit though as he realizes he can take out his rage and trauma on adults, he can make adults suffer and he doesn't have to feel like a helpless child anymore, he likes feeling powerful. He develops quite the sadistic side which Sebastian can't help but feel pride for.
Ciel has a hard time sleeping in his coffin at first because of nightmares :( (Even though these vampires are physically dead when they sleep they still can dream.)
Sebastian has to teach him to be an earl and a vampire at the same time and he realizes he has his work cut out for him. He's definitely teaching his son all the wrong lessons just like in the manga.
Ciel is by no means powerful by vampire standards since he's so young, and needs Seb to help him with hunting most of the time-they eat the intruders trying to attack the manor.
Ciel starts to act like he doesn't care about his dead human family and this revenge thing is just a game to him, but deep down he misses them a lot. He also acts this way when Madam Red dies, not only because he's the dysfunctional sonboy we all know and love, but because he feels like he should be more detached from humanity and in many ways he is. Ciel also has a soft spot for the Midfords, though when he saw them for the first time after he turned it was rlly difficult for him to not eat them. He especially wants to protect Lizzy and keep her from knowing his true nature.
Ciel is also extremely gluttonous for blood and his hunger is difficult for Sebastian to satiate, his love for sweets transferred to a to a love for fresh blood :)! He grumbles about being hungry all the time and Seb has to warn him about feeding on conspicuous victims.
Queen Victoria actually knows about Sebastian and Ciel's nature but doesn't rlly care since having powerful undead creatures at her disposal doing her bidding is nice for her. (I mean she employed a 10 year old, what's stopping her from employing a vampire? Also because John Brown may or may not be a vampire...)
Being the queen's guard dog also provides more food for our vampires, they have an agreement with Victoria that they are allowed to eat the criminals they subdue instead of turning them into to the Yard.
While Ciel enjoys parts of undead existence, he did not think through becoming a vampire and really just wants to die for real. He hates being stuck in the body of a 10 year old and it's a great source of angst for him. He has also not properly dealt with his grief and trauma, and being a little sadist isn't actually good therapy for him, who would have thought!
He openly resents Sebastian for turning him, which Seb's dismissive response is always "well you chose this.🙄"
Their relationship is quite toxic like it is in the manga, the differences being that Seb doesn't have to be fake nice since he's not playing the butler role, and that he does deep down begin to care deeply for Ciel as his son.
On the one hand Seb regrets turning Ciel because he sees how much pain he goes through, but on the other hand he does like having this little thorn in his side around. He's still kinda abusive tho and their relationship is complicated, Ciel has slit Sebastian's throat on occasion, y'know how it is, kids🙃
Ciel also deep down feels attachment to Sebastian as a parent, but he would never admit it out right.
Ciel is lowkey planning to off himself after he gets his revenge but Sebastian hasn't rlly told him how to do it, they are weaker during the day and direct sunlight hurts, but it doesn't destroy these vampires (neither does fire). Ciel thinks Sebastian won't tell him because he's an asshole and won't tell him important vampire information, but the truth is simply that Seb doesn't want his son to kill himself, and doesn't want his son kill him! (Ciel would never actually kill Seb if he knew how, but these two suck at communicating their true feelings so...)
Also in this au all of the reapers are actually vampires-so vampire Grelle! (side note I've always seen the reapers as sort of vampiric especially when you consider certain vampire myths that say people who commit suicide become vampires!)
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