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bigassmoonchild · 9 months

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The Aftermath

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Word Count: 2k

The first part does give context, but isn’t required for this read.

Summary: You knew the difficulty the process of being a mated Omega in the military. You understood how much you would lose, but you never thought about the difficulty in your normal life. Never thought about the panic you would have, or how much it would effect you and Ghost's personal relationship.

Content Tags: Hospitals, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No use of Y/N, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha! Ghost

A/N: I was not expecting such a good response to Maple Syrup, and since y'all seemed to like it so much here's basically the next part. Let me know if you want anything specific, my asks should be open. <3 I'm adding a 'keep reading' link to make sure you can scroll on if you want.

Previous, Next | Headcannons, Masterlist

Everything felt wrong. Ghost wasn't injured, but he was being held overnight in the medbay. The Maple Syrup had run its course through him, but he could hear chatter echoing in the room. He could smell you, you weren't too far from him but he wasn't allowed to see you. Price had come in not too long after the doctors had checked him over and cleared him, arms crossed as he sat in the chair next to the bed Ghost was in.

"We'll need to talk, you know," was the only thing Price had said, leaning back and relaxing in the chair.

"Is the Doc okay?" Ghost asked, looking in the direction your scent was coming from. The sickly sweet smell of heat was becoming stale, but you were on lock and key just in case any Alpha soldiers tried to come in. Price looked in the same direction, giving a faint shrug.

"I'm going to be updated once she's steady enough for the doctors to leave her alone," Price said. "Gaz is on watch outside her room," Ghost nodded. Gaz was a Beta, so it would be fine for him to be that close. Ghost still didn't like it, he didn't know how his pack was, where everyone was, if everyone was safe.

It took a few hours, it was well past midnight before any movement came from the direction of your room. The curtains surrounding Ghosts bed was moved, the Doctor gesturing for Price to follow him. Ghost had tried to listen in, but it wasn't worth it. He was still in mild pain from the mission, the place where the tranq had stabbed him still throbbed every so often.

Price walked back in some time later, looking at Ghost with a sigh. That didn't make him feel good, panic started to flow through him, thoughts of you dying flashed in his mind for a few moments.

"She's gonna be fine," Price started. "They got her heat back under control, they're just waiting for it to finish cycling through her. Outside of that, she's fine," Price sat next to Ghost. "I can't ask you about what happened. I can only tell you what will happen," he looked away.

You woke up, head foggy and throbbing with a headache. You could see a form moving next to you, checking your vitals. You gave a soft groan, your neck throbbing alongside your core. Everything hurt, but you weren't able to tell if it was everything.

"You finally waking up?" The voice asked, and you could recognize it. "You've been out for a few days, you've even had Ghost trying to get in," she giggled a little. Amanda. That was her name, she was one of the nurses you'd been working with prior to the mission that went south.

At the mention of Ghost, you sat upright, vision spinning before righting itself.

"It was a really bad heat you were sent into, y'know. Took us a few hours to stabilize you, but you're doing good for yourself," she smiled, trying to lay you back down but you pushed her off of you.

"I need to talk to him," god even your throat hurt. She nodded slowly, sticking her head out of the door. You rubbed your head, headache now making you feel sick. It took a few moments, but you heard footsteps come in the room, a figure standing next to you. When you looked up, it was Price.

"There are some procedures we need to go through. I've already got some officers in, but we still need to talk about what happened," Price started, moving to sit in the chair near you. "Ghost has already spoken with them, so it'll be you, me and the officers. I think Laswell has flown in as well," you stared at Price.

With a few blinks, you looked down to think. Ghost had already spoken with the officers? You knew what the rules were like, and you knew that your career was now in his hands. It pissed you off, if you could really focus on feeling much outside of pain.

"The officers are trying to get him to make a decision on your career. I can't let you two talk about anything yet, the Adjutant Officers still need to figure things out before you'll be allowed near each other," Price looked away, your jaw tensing. You really had no rights anymore, did you?

It took another few days before you were released. The second you had clothes of your own to wear, you were gone off into your room.

Someone had been here. You could smell a stale scent, but you weren't able to place it. It was too distant to be able to decipher, but your room was exactly the same as it had been left before you were hospitalized. You didn't feel comfortable in your room, knowing someone had been here.

A knock on the door made you spin, nerves set tight. As you opened the door, a large figure came into view.

"Doc," Ghost started, before being yanked into your room and having the door slammed behind him. You turned on him, staring at him sharply. You pointed, opening your mouth before shutting it and groaning, running hands through your hair.

You kept trying to start talking before you stopped yourself, eventually kicking at the wall in irritation.

"What did you say to them?" You hissed, back still turned and facing the wall. You could hear him shift behind you, boots scuffing against the ground. You turned, storming up to him, chest to chest. "What the hell did you tell them? You gonna dismantle my career? Make me some fucking house-omega?" You were growling now, you could feel your muscles tensing.

When he didn't respond, you groaned, tossing your hands up in defeat and walking away from him. You turned, hand on your hip, waiting for a response.

"I don't want to take your career away," he whispered, finally. You barked a laugh, rubbing your wrist against your bitten gland. His hand reached out to grab you, but you moved away from him. "I don't want to make decisions for you," he added, voice growing more desperate.

You shook your head, pulling your hand away from your gland and shaking them out. Ghost reached out to you again, hand catching your shoulder before you shrugged him off.

"I don't know what to do," you whispered. "I'm terrified, because now I'm outed to so many people, and there's quite literally nothing I can do to save myself," you turned to look at Ghost.

He scoffed. "You think I'm going to ruin things for you? I've already told you, I don't want that kind of control over you," he looked away, crossing his arms. You could smell the distress on him.

"You have done shit to make me trust you!" Your voice raised before dropping, a hand running down your face. "I have zero control left, you know how many rights I have as a mated Omega?" He shook his head. "None," you glared at him.

Ghost glanced at you before looking away again. He shook his head, moving to leave before you blocked the door from him.

"You don't get to walk out when we're talking," you growled at him and he growled back.

"This isn't a conversation, this is you getting all pissy on me," he loomed over you, forcing you to take a step back. "I didn't want this to happen, I would have chosen any other way to save us, but we didn't get a choice, did we?" You looked away.

"Get out,"

He could smell the distress on you the second he spoke. Your scent left him spiraling, he was panicking. His Omega was distressed, and he was the cause. He wanted to fix it, correct the problem and make you happy again.

Ghost could do nothing when you repeated yourself.

"Get the hell out," you glared at him. Ghost opened his mouth to give you a retort, but you had turned away. He bit his tongue, turning to stare at the door.

"You know that's not what I meant," he whispered, opening the door and leaving.

Even after walking aimlessly for ten minutes, he could still smell your distress on your scent, the sour taste stuck on the back of his throat. This wasn't how he had intended to talk to you, he wanted to make a plan for when they asked him more questions regarding your career.

Ghost was pissed off, more so with himself than you, but he wanted to comfort you. Fix what he had said, take it back.

But he had a meeting to attend, and he needed to make sure he didn't say anything wrong.

You sat in the conference room, Price, Laswell and an Adjutant officer sitting across from you. This was the third time you'd gone over what had happened.

"So you say this 'Maple Syrup' is what caused Ghost to go into a feral rut?"

"Yes," you deadpanned, glaring through the Adjutant. "We've already been through all of this, there is literally nothing else that I haven't told you," the Adjutant hummed.

"We need to make sure everything is covered," he told you, looking at the paper he had been writing on for the past hour and a half.

You looked at Price, hoping he would help you in any way. He looked away, leaning further back into his seat.

"What about my career?" The room went silent, the Adjutant stopped reading, glancing over at Price who had finally looked at you. "I want to know what's happening," you whispered. The last few days had left you unsure of yourself. You wanted to confront Ghost, you wanted to apologize for snapping at him, you wanted to fix what you'd said.

None of them spoke, Laswell had opened her mouth to speak before closing it, taking a deep breath. Her fingers tapped on the table, looking at Price and the Adjutant.

She looked back at you. "You aren't allowed to make any decisions regarding that, you know," your head dropped back with a groan, wrist rubbing against your bitten gland roughly. You were terrified, you didn't know what the future was going to hold.

You had so little control and it was getting worse. You stood abruptly, going to walk out the door before Price spoke.

"Would you like to speak with Ghost?" You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. With people around, you wouldn't snap on him, but you also didn't want to see him since his last remarks. You really needed to know if you still worked here, or if he was going to force you to become a house-omega.

You nodded, turning around and sitting back down while staring Price down as he made a phone-call. A few moments later, Ghost walked in and sat beside you, but you still couldn't look at him. It was silent for a few minutes, everyone looking at each other, waiting for the first to speak.

"You still have a job here," Ghost spoke up. "I didn't let them remove you, but they won't allow you on missions anymore," he added the last part quietly. You nodded.

You could hear Price and Laswell ushering the Adjutant Officer out of the room, the door closing with a click behind them. Neither you nor Ghost talked for a few minutes, you could smell a certain level of stress on him.

"Thank you," you whispered, glancing quickly at him. He was staring at you, eyes watching your every twitch and shudder. "I'm... sorry, for the other day," you fiddled with your fingers. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

Ghost shook his head, hesitating before grabbing your hand, pulling it close to him and in turn tugging you towards him. You finally turned to look at him, and his eyes visibly softened.

He looked down, then back up to you. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did. Not in the way I did," he tugged you even closer to him, nuzzling into your gland. "I don't regret having you as my mate now, but if I could've changed what I did, you wouldn't be stuck with me making decisions for you now," you leaned in to him, pressing your face into his chest.

It relaxed you, his scent, and allowed you to think much clearer.

"I'm just so scared,"

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candyskiez · 2 months

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Thinking about ???%/Shigeo as a character today and losing my mind. Like he's so funny to joke about but also he's SUCH an interesting character (especially from a plural angle, ESPECIALLY when you're a system yourself) and he makes me want to explode. Imagine forming to protect a little kid and deciding you love him so so much and you'll always be there for him, and you love his little brother, and you love his best friend, even though the world doesn't love you very much. But you take it anyway because you have those three and your little family so you're happy. And you have powers and they're a part of you and the other kid and it's fine until it very suddenly Isn't, and nobody's explaining why, just that you need to Stop Having Them. And the kid just decides, okay, I'm sorry, I'll be normal. And you get no explanation. You just have to be suppressed that little bit more. You form because he can't handle being suppressed yet he suppresses you. And then one day it all blows up and you make a mistake trying to protect your little brother and suddenly everyone hates you. Everyone thinks every little thing you've ever done is proof you're a monster and you always would've turned out like this, and you have no idea what they're talking about. You made a mistake trying to save your brother. But because you look scary and act different, even though you've always been there suddenly you existing is dangerous. Because you made a mistake, you are now Irredeemable.

That would fuck ANY kid up. But like, think about it. Shigeo had no one except Tsumobi and Mob and Mob's family. And suddenly he has no one. Mob represses him so deeply. He makes one mistake and suddenly he's not allowed to talk to anyone, suddenly he's completely alone and isolated. He has to share a brain with someone who despises him. He has the trauma of the accident AND the trauma of suddenly losing everyone he loves on top of it. He literally had no one for years. No wonder he's so fucking cynical. All of the shit about "I don't trust anyone" in the manga? Yeah, of course he doesn't. The rug was pulled out from under him so fast. In his eyes everyone just hated him for no reason, because he existed, and everyone would hurt him for existing, so he could only trust himself. Yeah, no wonder he's so selfish, he has no one else there at ALL. It's just...holyyyy hell.

And the thing is if you actually look the little things point to him yearning for connection so desperately. He's still so aggressively protective of his family (even though he lost them a long time ago, they're Mob's now, they don't even know he's there. Don't get me started on that from a plural view. I won't shut up and will probably pour my heart out.), and just ...world domination arc. When he's so upset about losing his family. We know he doesn't trust Reigen. Yet he's running to Reigen for some sort of comfort because he's scared and doesn't want his family to die and wants someone to tell him everything's fine. And Reigen DOES and he believes him. He believes him and immediately passes out. The guy who doesn't trust anyone wants to be loved so so bad and wants to believe Reigen more than anything. He really clearly WANTS to be able to trust Reigen. But he can't. More on this later.

And also thinking about why the build up in confession arc broke him like that is just fucking sad, man. Everyone was telling them to change. Shigeo's been told to change and it meant "be normal". Mob isn't even the one who actually likes Tsumobi like that. Shigeo's being completely repressed and Mob wants to live without him completely. Everyone wants to live without him now that they've used his powers to get this nice perfect life (in his eyes, at least.) Everyone's just trying to forget he ever existed so they can be happy without him, when Shigeo never GOT to heal. He never got to move on. He never got to process any of the god awful shit that happened to him. Everyone's telling him, change. Be normal. Be normal so Tsumobi will like you. And Shigeo's so fucking stressed out of his mind because lying about who he is didn't even help Mob make friends, it didn't make him popular, it didn't make anyone like him, it just made them both miserable. He doesn't want to be stuck like this. Of course he's freaking out. We see in his encounter with the body improvement club that being told to go back to normal sets him off HARD. It's clearly a sensitive subject. "Normal" means "Don't exist" to Shigeo. Do you see why this fucked me up as a system yet. Oh my god.

And his breakdown is just...painfully understandable. Like, actually think about it for a second. Shigeo has never been shown forgiveness or compassion or any amount of understanding for his mistakes. He never was taught to mature or see any nuance. He fucked up, so he doesn't deserve any second chance. Nobody ever taught him compassion. He has such a completely black and white view of the world. If someone did something bad once, they are forever The Bad Thing. If someone was kind to him once, they are forever Good and Perfect. Teru was a threat once, so he is now Always A Threat. Reigen was a liar before so he is Always A Liar. Ritsu was sweet and kind as a kid so he is always His Innocent Little Brother. And Tsumobi accepted him as a kid, so now she's the only person who could ever possibly accept him. Teru sees Shigeo at his most terrifying, when he's actively hunting him down, and in the manga looks at him with fucking hearts in his eyes. Ritsu might not be all perfect, but he's trying so hard and understanding no, Shigeo isn't just a scary part of Mob. Shigeo isn't Evil. But because neither of their acceptance is perfect, and because they aren't from Tsumobi, he can't see it's even there. And also, another thing, his response to people acting outside of his perception of him is to get them away. It scares him. Teru isn't acting how he expected? Attack maim. Ritsu isn't afraid of him anymore? Teleport him away so he doesn't have to confront the change. Reigen acts different? Throw shit at him until he hates him.

It's just so...fuck man. Of course he's like that. He's immature and selfish because nobody taught him not to be. Nobody helped this kid when he needed it and this is the result. He thinks he's an irredeemable monster so he acts like one when he's told to just be himself. He doesn't see change as being realistic. He's been treated the same no matter what he does so he assumes this is how the world naturally is. He's just a bitter mentally ill kid who nobody gave any reason to believe that maybe the world is nice sometimes.

Another thing: I think he really really wants Reigen to care about him. Him going "I can't listen to him" is so intense with the context of the fact he immediately passes out to rest and let Mob take care of it once Reigen says his parents are safe. Reigen can convince him like nobody else can. He cares about him and wants to believe him and that's terrifying! He hates him and resents him and wants him to be proud of him and wants nothing to do with him and it's confusing and he just wants something that is (supposedly) guaranteed. He wants Reigen to care so badly and it feels impossible. Why would he ever care? He just wants to use him. The only way to bring Shigeo back from his breakdown was to show him that people can be kind without wanting something back in return. Reigen saying "you don't need me anymore" was the only real way to help him, to show him that he's not doing this for himself, but because he cares about his student(s). Because he cares about BOTH of them. He cares about every version he's seen and interacted with, not because of his powers but because they were them. He had to let go of them to truly help them here, so Shigeo wouldn't have any lingering fear. What helps Shigeo is the display of kindness with nothing to be gained and Mob finally realizing that Shigeo's just...flawed. They both realize that sometimes people are just flawed and fucked up and make bad decisions and just straight up hurt people. And they'll still love you. They'll still be worth saving. But you can't deny their flaws, for Mob, and you don't need to seek the perfect relationship to have someone there, for Shigeo. It just. Agh! God! I am always losing my mind over this story. Fuck. This SHOW .

#mp100 spoilers #mp100 #unknown percentage mp100 #shigeo kageyama #kageyama shigeo #also like. the thing of “hey man you dont need a romantic relationship to be happy” is everything to me“ too #“its fine to not have a romantic relationship. its not the end all be all” is gery appreciated #the whole system loves shigeo. this show genuinely helped us so mucj and.helped me understand myself #and thinking about the finale makes me cry #like i was tearing up so many times writing this post. help.#plural mob

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little-miss-dilf-lover · 7 months

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hii love, how are you doing? 🫶🏻

so, i just read your latest pietro hcs and it's SO GOOD😭 (like everything else that you write, i'm literally in love with your writing) and i had an idea

can i request an angry love confession from pietro after him and the reader go to a mission together and she puts herself at risk to save him?

like, they're friends with benefits, but are distant bc both of them had developed feelings for each other, but neither say anything bc they think the other only wants sex, like you said. the reader putting herself at risk during the mission to save pietro it's the last straw for him, he gets angry and freaked out by the idea of losing her. so, after the mission, they're arguing and it ends up leading to an angry love confession 😏😏

hii lovie!! im sorry this has taken so long, it took me ages to figure out how to get them out of the danger part, so I took a break from it and had no luck so left that part blank. but you’ll see what I mean😭 and im doing well, hope you are too. thank you :(( you’re so sweet!! thanks for requesting, hope you like it💌

MISTAKES AND CONFESSIONS

pietro maximoff x female reader

word count. 869

link to fwb hc’s

As of late, things with Pietro have been a little confusing - tricky, if you will - the complications of being friends with benefits making themselves more apparent after every meet-up.

Everything was going well, all going as planned, until the unforeseen moment when you actually fell in love with him. At the beginning of your elevated friendship, you both promised it would be strictly hook-ups, no strings attached, nothing else. And that's what you did - up until three weeks ago.

After a while, you found yourself declining his invitations to meet up, like you were starting to pull back from him. It grew more difficult to be around someone so unattainable, to have the constant reminder of his romantic disinterest, so instead, you withdrew yourself to make it less painful.

So now, when you cross paths at the compound, instead of a nervous hidden smile behind your hand, you avoid his gaze completely - turning your attention to the weather app on your phone.

It wasn't easy to ignore him, but it was getting there - that's what you told yourself, anyway.

All of your attempts to avoid Pietro got flipped on its head when the two of you got paired together for a mission - to retrieve intel from an enemy base. It was supposed to be a low-risk assignment: get in, collect the information and get out, but nothing is ever that simple.

As soon as you and Pietro stepped foot in the room of said intel, you noticed a red hue shine from under his foot. You immediately tugged at his arm, halting his movements when you realised what you had both walked into.

"Pietro! Wait, wait, wait," you call out, gripping at his upper arm. "Don't move. Keep still," you ramble, eagerly looking around the space.

"What is it?"

"The room— it's got these— I don't know, just keep still," you breathe out a reply, feeling flustered.

"It's okay," Pietro offers a brief moment of reassurance, keeping his eyes glued ahead - keeping still as instructed. "Are you okay? Are you on one, too?" he hesitantly asks.

"No, no, but you are and— I don't know what to do. Nat taught me what to do with these and— god, why isn't my brain working?" you mumble, frustratedly speaking your mind when you think about the possibility of something awful actually happening to Pietro - to both of you.

"Draga, it's fine. Really, it's okay," he whispers, slowly extending his hand behind, like he was awkwardly reaching for you.

"No, keep still— please. Just let me think,"

"You should go,"

"No, give me a minute,"

"Please, milovat. You need to go,"

"I said no. Just give me a second,"

You even your breathing, running an uneasy hand over your forehead as you assess your surroundings.

----- after ------ (im sorry about this, my brain broke)

You avoid each other's gaze, separately processing everything that happened - how you were both about to be blown to pieces, how you were willing to let yourself die to get Pietro out.

"That was so stupid," Pietro mutters, keeping his eyes fixed on a tree ahead.

"Excuse me?" you reply, neck whipping around to face him.

"That was so stupid," he repeats, emphasising each word.

"Are you kidding?" you snicker. "If you had minded where you were going we wouldn't have had to done all that."

"So you're saying it's my fault?" he retorts, face grimacing.

"Yes. I am," you retaliate. "It's your fault."

You both sigh, growing frustrated with the conversation. It was as if there was so much left unsaid, it all coming together like a whirlwind of mixed emotions - everything from your failed 'relationship' to no contact to just now. It was like you were both holding back on everything, too scared to bring up the subject that tarnished your original friendship.

"I told you to go, and you didn't. That's not on me. That's on you! Don't blame me for things we both messed up on."

"Me? That's rich,"

"Yes, you! Nothing is ever your fault, is it?" he sneers, the argument changing subject.

"You never listen! Always thinking about yourself,"

"Bullshit," he dryly chuckles, unamused smile on his face.

"I don't want to do this. It's boring and tiring," you cave, waving your hands in sign of defeat. "I give up. You win."

Pietro huffs, rubbing over his temples. "If you had just gone..." he murmurs, talking at the floor.

"I couldn't! I couldn't leave you,"

"Yes, you could. You should've gone. You could have died," Pietro's words soften as if it all hit him how real it was - how he could have lost you again, but for good. "You could've died."

"So could you," you turn to face him, meeting his saddened eyes.

His hands drop to his side as he steps towards you, walking to close the gap - the closest you had been in weeks. He keeps his gaze solely on you, looking over you like you're no longer a distant memory, like he was seeing you in a new light - the way he was supposed to see you.

He cups your cheeks, holding your face in his hands. "I could have lost you again."

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

pietro taglist: @astermath @thewinterv @earth-elemental18 @lunnnix @idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser @randomawesomeperson102 @queerponcho @selfryed @daenerys-supremacy @dontknownameauthor @mrsbarnesxxx @honestly-who-even-is-this @simplyreflected @apxtowiris

#request #this is so bad omg im so sorry!!#pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff x reader #pietro x reader #pietro imagine #pietro maximoff x you #pietro maximoff fluff #pietro marvel

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barebevil · 6 months

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I'll start with my pitch. This is a full soliloquy that i break out into whenever i talk to someone who shows just the barest modicum of interest in reading the book. I'm a great conversationalist don't worry about it. THE TRAITOR BARU CORMORANT IS A BOOK ABOUT BARU CORMORANT. When baru is a child her home is subject to foreign imperial expansion, by means of economics and education, she is discovered by an agent of this empire to be a math genius and is enrolled in an imperial school where she makes it her mission to prove herself an impress the powers that be in order to earn a favorable position and climb the hierarchy of power within the empire, for you see she means to behold the very machinations of the imperial machine. and she means to burn it all down from the inside. but in order to do so, to climb, to impress, she has to compromise everything about herself. she cant have personal values, personal relationships, morals, and no goals but this one: more power and more influence. She cannot be herself or she will doom herself and everything she's already sacrificed will have been for naught. (At this point is when I'll usually pivot and say the following--) I've cried over a book before, I've been moved to tears by books before, sometimes because something is sad, or it is joyous, whatever. i've cried over books before is the point, and i thought, as i was nearing the end of THE TRAITOR BARU CORMORANT that perhaps this would be such an instance. I thought, and no spoilies but, well, i was in the final stretch and thought that probably the end might make me cry. Reader it did not. Have you ever read something that was so viscerally upsetting that you skipping right past crying and went straight to nausea? because that's what happened to me. Not one tear, but a single sentence made me feel like i was genuinely going to throw up. Fuck this book is so fucking good. I really thought i might throw up thats how sad and upset i was. and it was PERFECT. What happened was exactly what needed to happen. Again, no spoilies but oh my god. Nauseous. AND THAT'S JUST THE FIRST BOOK. We then follow Baru as she achieves every single one of her goals, and goes more insane in the process. With every victory she destroys herself more, with every sacrifice she curries more favor. And she only becomes more insane and more horny. And now you may ask yourself, what does horny have to do with it? EVERYTHING. The higher she climbs, the more she injures and destroys and compromises herself, the more separation she creates between her mind and her body, the more removed she becomes from herself, the harder it becomes to unify the two, to satisfy any carnal need, harder to do as much as identify her own desires much less realize them. She loses herself, she wins, she loses more, she wins more.

The most common criticism i've seen online of the first book in the serious is that it's boring. First of all get better soon. second of all, YES Baru is an accountant she deals a lot in economic policy and money and numbers but oh my god its THRILLINGGGGG. I happen to find math quite romantic and poetic and I know that's not everyone's bag, but when in book 2 a whole page is dedicated to the description of one mathematical axiom as a metaphor for a situation Baru is trying to deal with, here i WAS almost moved to tears. It's such a good book.

Oh and did I mention? (I did not) The characters are all fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. It's wall to wall fucking hits, Seth Dickinson my close personal friend Seth Dickinson oh my god your mind your mind!!!!!!!!!!!

#and do not get me started on the cousins Tain #i have to make another post #i cant do that now i already need a break and a fucking cigarette from just writing this one #baru cormorant #the traitor baru cormorant #the masquerade #seth dickinson #ummmmmm long post

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maxislvt · 1 year

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i would like to discuss the washing r’s mouth out with soap idea because DAMN. plz wanda wash my mouth out with soap and then sit on my face so all i taste is you

warnings: toxic behavior, possessive behavior, mommy kink, pet play if you squint, Stockholm Syndrome

toxic Wanda headcanons because I'm on my period and I get to spoil myself!!

You have no idea what you're getting into when you first meet her. Wanda seems so nice and gentle when you first start talking, that you ignore the tiny red flags that may pop up when you two first become friends. For a moment, you're convinced that Wanda was entirely oblivious to your feelings at first. It's hard talking to her, so you opt to make her jealous instead.

It works a lot better than you intended and Wanda is pissed. Like, drag you to another room and spend an hour giving you hickies pissed. You stupidly take this as the sign of a new relationship, but Wanda refuses to make anything official for some weeks. She goes on "dates" with other people and won't show any affection towards you.

Eventually, she makes the demand that you two won't become official until you've "cleansed yourself". You agree without even thinking about it but immediately regret when she makes you kneel on the bathroom floor and open your mouth so she can brush your teeth with soap. Wanda makes you gargle it like seven times before she's done and then she spits in your mouth. She makes up for it by giving you a bath, but she gets you dirty again because she face fucks you to finalize the process.

After that, you two have a constant on again/off again relationship. Wanda constantly blames you for it though. In her mind, the rules she makes are completely reasonable and you're just being difficult when you refuse to follow them. It's always you who comes crying back to her because you'd rather die than live without her.

It's on, then off, then on again only a few more times. After putting up with her god awful behavior enough times, you end up leaving for goods. You don't even bother telling her you've moved out. One day she comes home and it's half empty. You're lucky you don't get to see her flip her lid. She nearly destroyed the whole apartment that day.

Not that it truly matters. Wanda spends weeks stalking you. What she finds genuinely makes her sick. You're independent. Living on your own and you seem happy. Wanda doesn't know what to do with herself. You need her and she's going to remind you whether you like it or not.

Her plan is simple. Wanda shows up once you come back from work and acts like nothing happened. She pushes right into your house and suddenly it's all "oh babe, you look so tired. why don't I make you dinner today? I'm sure you forgot to eat. you're too scared to force her out and she ignores you every time you tell her to leave. Denying her doesn't work either because she's crank everything up to 11. she'll be all over talking about how much she missed you and won't ever treat you like that again.

It doesn't matter if you're not convinced because she planned on fucking you dumb and convincing you to stay with her anyway. The second she gets between your legs it's all "see, your little pussy missed my cock so much! i bet it's extra said because you tried replacing mommy with some loser who can't even fuck you half as good as I can"

You're lucky if she lets you see your friends after that. If you ever leave the house she'll put a tracker in your bag somewhere.She totally plays hero with it if you ever lose your wallet or keys because she'll just magically know where everything is

God forbid she has even the slightest physical advantage over you because she lives off of intimidating you. It's even worse because you'll grow to love it. She can toss and turn you anyway she wants and you'd be completely hopeless against her

Gaslighting 24/7. "You're hanging out with your friends more than me, why don't you just stay home tonight? You know all your friends hate me. Just stay, please?"

Oh, you fully get downgraded from partner to pet. Wanda slowly takes away your right to care for yourself. Everything from cooking to showering has to be done by her or at least with her permission. You'll be completely naked around the house and it becomes a "privilege" to sleep in the same bed as her.

Wanda loves forcing you to get body modifications too. It's just a small tattoo that says "Property of Wanda Maximoff" on your wrist. Maybe she'll force you to get matching piercings sometimes too. Anything that shows that she literally fucking owns you

Obsessed with making you cum. Like the only way you can ever get through to her is by denying her sex. Wanda has this weird thing where she can't ever force herself on to you. If you say no or can't get wet enough, she'll do absolutely anything if it means getting you to relax and go into subspace. "Please baby. Show mommy she's doing a good job and cum for me. Please? I promise I'll play nice if you do, just cum for me again."

You make the mistake of using it to get some autonomy back, but it bites you in the ass mega hard. Clothes overstimulate you now, your food doesn't taste nearly as good as Wanda's does, and you miss being on your knees for her. Of course, she rubs it in whenever you go back on the freedoms you gave yourself, but she's happy you've learned your lesson.

#panther speaks #pvntherz #wanda maximoff #toxic!wanda #panthers headcanons #wanda headcanons #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #anon

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sourbinnie · 11 months

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☆ cerca de ti.mp3 ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> angst ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> ot8!skz x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> the song they wrote when you left them + some moments and how it went down. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> swearing ; smoking (weed) ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> nope

a/n: so i had this idea today and i wrote it all today because i wanted it out as soon as possible. i obviously get it if you don't like or think it's kinda odd? idk i really enjoyed this and the process of it so i hope yall like it too. it was kind of inspired by edits that i see on instagram where they make stray kids lipsync to latin songs, goddamn i love those. so yeah this is my take on how they would sing cerca de ti!

[ intro : chan & seungmin ] cerca de ti estaba bien y de tu vida me borré (close to you i was okay but of your life i got erased) y ella ante' no lo veía, pero sé que te fallé (but she didn't see it before but i know i failed you) y si ahora vuelves, te juro que no te vuelvo a perder (and if you come back, i swear that i won't lose you again) porque me di cuenta que muero si me alejo de tu piel (i realized that i die when i'm far away from your skin)

when they first started writing this song, only one thing would come to their minds and that was you. it wasn't your typical love song or even sad song but more of a mix of emotions that all the members were feeling condensed into one song. one they would call close to you, one that would express how much a certain person had changed them and their experiences with that individual.

chan at first didn't want to take a part in the song, he thought it was too soon, too much but the rest convinced him that it would be a good idea to let go with lyrics (it wasn't). when he wrote the first two verses of the introduction, he knew he was fucked and he was too deep now. when you decided to leave, he was the last one you saw and he got the final word, it didn't go well. he was too harsh and too egoistic to see what was happening in front of his eyes, the hate that blinded him was making him spill words that he didn't mean.

"(y/n) i don't think you're realizing what you're doing." he said almost as if you were betraying him and the boys as you packed your things. you thought this was the right choice all along and you weren't gonna get convinced, especially by someone who wasn't showing they cared or that they appreciate you in anyway (he did very much so in the end).

"what do you want me to do chan? to pretend everything's alright? god you guys really only think about yourselves." you said and it wasn't nice but it needed to be said. you've been left in the dust for way too long to care about other people's feelings, especially if it was the 8 boys you were referring to.

"rich coming from you, you act like we don't have a job. our lives don't revolve around you!" he exclaimed but it just made you roll your eyes. you weren't talking about that, you never even once mentioned their job because you knew how busy their schedules were but it just got to the point where they didn't show that they cared, that they loved you, that they wanted you. "if you leave, you aren't coming back."

"watch me." you said as you walked out the front door and out of their lives.

seungmin felt so lost without you, he got too used to your presence. he got used to your morning kisses, you preparing his lunch for work, how you would listen to him. the thing he missed the most was your body, not really in a sexual way, he just wanted to hold you. to feel your skin against his and plant a kiss on your cheek, he wanted to kiss your lips again and love you tenderly & softly.

he didn't think much of you leaving because he knew in the end you would come back to them. when you didn't for months, he lost hope and when the boys suggested writing, he was the first one grabbing a pen and a paper. he almost seemed desperate to get these feelings out of the way.

"you think they're gonna listen to it?" jeongin asked and the older didn't know how to respond. he wanted you to hear it, for you to process the words that everyone was singing. you were always so attentive towards their lyrics that it just made sense that if you heard it, you would want to contact them right?

"i hope so, this is our last shot i think." seungmin responded and jeongin nodded as he sat down next to him to write the lyrics. everyone needed to put in a bit of effort to make a team and for it to be put out.

[ chorus : chan, seungmin & jeongin ] y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca de ti, eh (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte dе amar (i guess it's a part of love) y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca dе ti, yeah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, yeah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love)

vocalracha did the chorus, it just seemed right. jeongin finding the right words to go with the flow and chan's voice starting it were exactly what everyone was looking for. it was their way of showing they were letting go but not willingly because if it was up to all of them they would want to continue what they had with (y/n).

jeongin took it really hard when you left. like seungmin, he had hope that you would come back, that it might be a mistake or a joke in bad taste but it wasn't like that. he didn't even get to say goodbye, to tell you to take care of yourself. he wanted you so bad in every way that your presence not being there for him when he needed you the most was destroying him.

"hyung i wish i could talk to them. i'm so lost and i don't even know what to do." jeongin expressed, in the verge of crying because he just wanted you but he was stuck in the dorms not even knowing where you were.

"we gotta give them time innie, i know it's hard but we'll find a way." chan said as let the younger cry and let his worries out. even if he didn't feel like things were gonna get better, his hyung always had his back.

right now he was feeling less broken, more confident but he just wanted you to hear this song. even if you didn't want to, these were the things that needed to be said and expressed by the members. he felt like he was left in the dark, he was trapped and had no way out but right now he was seeing the light. when they were filming the music video, everything shined so bright and it took his breath away. if only you could be right there, right now.

[ verse 1 : jisung & minho ] cerca de ti fue que sentí que ya no había más na' malo (yeah-eh) (close to you i felt like there was nothing that could be bad) cerca de ti fue que sentí que ya no había más na' de amor (close to you i felt like there was no more love) sé que me fui lastimado (ey), dejaste en mí todo raro (i know i left hurt, you left everything weird in me) yo no sé cuándo estaré sano (i don't know when i'm gonna heal) pacas y pacas, todas las gasté, stop, ¿toda esa mierda pa' qué? (bags and bags, i spent them all. stop, all of that shit for what?) ya no me sirve fumar de la maría si no e' con vo' en el hotel (now i can't smoke the maria if it's not with you in the hotel) oh-oh, no me sirve fumar si no e' con vo' en el hotel (oh-oh, i can't smoke if it's not with you in the hotel)

jisung like he said, was left with a mix of everything. the weirdness that affected him when he wasn't by your side but the way you made him believe that he could be loved again lived within him. you showed him a new side of himself, way more careful and way more calm, one that brought peace everywhere he went. he carried that when he wasn't with you because he would go crazy if he didn't.

"you're kinda different today, i like the vibe." you said as you sat down next to him and he smiled, nodding. he couldn't explain the relaxation that invaded his body whenever he found himself in the same room as you. he couldn't let go of the feeling and yet at the same time he didn't want to.

"just wanted to be with you and enjoy the moment." he mumbled burying himself in you but then coming up to give you a sweet kiss. you smiled and pulled him closer as you made out on the sofa in the 3racha + hyunjin) dorms.

he found himself smiling at the memories and not looking back because he was confident this would catch your attention. maybe a little too cocky for his liking but he knew you all too well to know that this isn't the end but the start of something different.

minho wasn't a big smoker, yet this verse was a reminder of how fucked up you two got at the hotels when he was on tour. when he brought you along, he wasted all of his money on you and on pleasing you, whatever the baby wanted they would get. maybe he acted more like a sugar daddy and didn't realize but he couldn't care less because he wanted to spoil you rotten.

"dude are you smoking?" jisung asked him and he could just nod, of course jisung was only interested because he wanted to hop on the same train. "this is fucking harder than i thought it would be, everything i write is shit."

"i wrote my verses but i still feel like it's missing their approval." minho said laughing, a bit high already. jisung just laughed because his giggles were contagious. they would spend the whole night like this, just going back and forth with new bars but in the end settling down for the ones they had at first. there was a reason those were the first things they thought of, it was because they came out of the broken heart they were experiencing.

staying silent wasn't unusual for them but since they met you, you would always invade with your voice and say whatever you were thinking. now the silence was uncomfortable and they just wanted to hear your voice again.

[ verse 2 : changbin & hyunjin ; both ] miro pa' atrás y parece to' un chiste (i look back and it seems like a joke) yo sé que no daba y por eso te fuiste (i knew i couldn't do it and that's why you left) no sé qué le pa', no sé qué le diste (i don't know what's going on, i don't know why you gave) pero estoy nuevo, como si no exististe (but i am new like you never existed) y sé que si yo puedo, podría cualquiera (and i know if i can, anyone can do it) porque mi corazón era una heladera (because my heart was a fridge) ahora tropical entre cocos y palmeras (now tropical between coconuts and palms) con un recuerdo dulce de cómo eras tú (with a sweet memory of how you were) ah, de cómo eras tú, oh-oh-woh (ah, of how you were, oh-oh-woh) miro pa' atrás y parece to' un chiste (i look back and it all seems like a joke) yo sé que no daba y por eso te fuiste (i knew i couldn't do it and that's why you left) no sé qué le pa', no sé que le diste (i don't know what's going, i don't know what you gave) pero estoy nuevo, como si no-como si-como si- (but now i'm new, like you've never-)

changbin thought it was genuinely a joke when chan told them you weren't coming back. this is why the first lyric went like this and then they immediately thought of realizing why you left him. it's like he knew he had to accept that you were not gonna come back, that the situation got worse and that they left you behind (without wanting to). you didn't leave because you wanted to but because you had to, you were done with them.

he was the first to try to pretend like you didn't exist, like it didn't mean a thing to him that you left. while most of them were broken and trying to pick up the pieces, changbin decided to live in his new reality where he didn't even meet you. that lasted way too little for his liking since he got reminded of you everywhere he went.

"i feel like being without you makes me feel so fucking weird." he said one time to you and you raised your eyebrow at this. he wasn't one to usually get sappy but you welcomed this moments any time they happened. "okay i know i sound like a major loser but i love you."

"i love you more and you're not a loser for expressing your feelings binnie." your voice was engraved on his mind but he still craved to call you when he felt low. he knew leaving voice messages was weird to get it out since you blocked all of them but a man had to let it out somehow.

hyunjin thought his lyrics were so stupid but somehow he knew that's the way to go. if he wanted to capture your attention somehow, he wanted it to be in a cheesy line and make it seem like he was doing fantastic. yet when he thinks of the sweet memory of you, he's brought back to you, your perfume/cologne, your smile and your hugs. it felt like home every time you held him in your arms.

"hyunjin i feel like i'm drifting away from you guys and i'm scared." he remembers you said to him this one day and he was a bit shocked. he didn't feel like that at all but there had to be a reason why you were feeling like this and not overreacting right? he knew he had to talk it out with the other guys.

"no baby, we're here for you okay? i doubt anything is gonna happen." he said and now that he thinks about it, he should've done something, he should've held you closer and reassured you even more that nothing was gonna separate you from them. he didn't, he now regrets it every day because he missed you like crazy and there was no turning back.

but he knew he still had a chance to mend things, to at least have a way to contact you if you needed anything. he didn't want your last messages to be so sad, to be blocked in your phone forever 'cause you could never be blocked on his. it was stupid but he wanted to be in your life, even if it was the bare minimum.

[ verse 3 : changbin & felix ] ¿cuántas vece' te fallé? (how many times did i fail you?) sin contar la última ve' (without counting last time) pensando volverte a ver (thinking of seeing you again) cuando llego, yo te llamo y no respondes, baby (when i arrive, i call you and you don't answer, baby) me tiene' quemándome en tu fuego (you got me burning in your fire) todo' tu' problema' lo' resuelvo (all of your problems i solve them) como un boomerang yo siempre vuelvo (like a boomerang i always come back) tengo gana' de explorar tu cuerpo (i want to explore your body) ya me lastimaste, igual no aprendo (you already hurt me, i never learn) (ya me lastimaste, igual no aprendo) (you already hurt me, i never learn) (igual no aprendo) (still i don't learn)

felix didn't think he did things wrong, he didn't feel like your falling out was justified. yeah they made a mistake, he made a mistake but all the missed calls that night would haunt him forever. he wanted to see you, to talk to you, to know how you feel and what went wrong. he still couldn't understand it even if chan tried to explain it 100 times, he wasn't convinced. he wanted another chance and he would live in delusion of you coming back if he had to.

the last time he saw you, you two fought. he remembers it very clearly but he wants to forget it every day, he felt like it wasn't that bad. was he in the wrong? 100% but it didn't justify you walking out on them.

"(y/n) come on, you can't be serious. even if you do feel like that, it's nothing that we can't fix!" he said when you came to visit him to talk about how you were feeling. god he was such a fucking idiot, he should've just taken you seriously and the more he thinks about it, the more he cringes at how he reacted.

when you sighed and shook your head as you left, he was so blinded by hysteria that he didn't even look at you. he remembers telling changbin this and he knew he would get mad at him but he didn't care, if a lesson needed to be taught that he behaved in a stupid manner, he deserved it. it never arrived though, changbin understood that he wasn't in the right but he also missed the red flags so he couldn't blame his friend for taking this approach.

"i just want her back bin. this song is all i fucking have and it already feels like it's done for." felix expressed and changbin just patted him on the back as he looked at the lyrics his member wrote.

"i think we can do it though, i think everything will be alright in the end." the older said as he continued the song with his verse and together they made it work. changbin hugged him and held him close as the other one just lost himself in his hyung.

if there was a feeling worse than losing you, it was missing you felix thought.

[ chorus : chan, seungmin & jeongin ] y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca de ti, ah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, ah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love) y si fuera por mí, no me correría de tu lado (and if it was up to me, i wouldn't be moved from your side) apretados, pero ya embarcaste (tightly but you already sailed away) di todo lo que tengo por vos, pero sé que yo fui un desastre [i gave everything for you, but i know i was a disaster)

he knew his members would eventually fight him because he was the last one that saw you. the confrontation was tough because even though everyone was fond of each other, the glue that tied them together was you when the situations got hard. chan knew he didn't handle the situation well, he knew everyone was disappointed in him and blamed himself for you leaving every day. he didn't want to feel like this but it was impossible when he was so cold and distant with his words and actions.

as a leader he should've known better, as a person he should've been better.

"hyung please don't blame yourself." seungmin said as he sat down next to him. he was the only one who didn't yell at him and yet he thought he deserved it but the youngest wouldn't do it. "it was long overdue that they were gonna leave us because of how they felt and all of the signs were there."

"yeah but i had my chance to stop it and didn't" chan expressed, rotten and bitter that he still had to put up a fight against himself. if he couldn't keep you, he wouldn't be able to keep anything, not like he cared since the only thing he wanted right now was to see you again.

"maybe you did but we can't keep on thinking that, we need to do something about it." seungmin said and chan nodded. he was right, he couldn't leave in the shadows forever, he couldn't keep on taking the bullet because it would only make it worse for him.

he really gave everything for you but it wasn't enough. even like he said, he was a disaster and there was no changing what went down or how it happened. there was only hoping that it would all heal and you would be able to continue what you once started. or maybe there would be a part where he would have to let go finally.

jeongin got lost in a train of thought when he had to say his verse. he got completely caught up in a moment that happened so long ago that all he could do was stare as he tried to say his lyrics but chan told him to start all over again.

"innie i know it's hard but i'm always here for you." you said and that should've been sweet but it wasn't because he responded the worst way possible.

"please go (y/n), i can't do this right now." he said and it made him physically recoil. like he could not understand why he was so distant, why he felt the need to talk to you like that and of course he remembers it now that he doesn't have a chance at all.

he was mad at himself not only because of that, because of everything they made you go through. maybe it was for the best that you went away because if you did stay, things would've gotten worse. but he wouldn't go without a fight as stupid and cliche as it was, he needed to fight for you and what your love was.

[ verse 4 : hyunjin, felix & minho ] sé que mucho arriesgaste, pero mirá al final (i know you risked a lot but look at the end) paso la noche viendo las fotos que tengo de los dos (i spent the nights looking at the photos i got from both of us) cara de póker cuando mi brother pregunta: "¿qué pasó?" (poker face when my brother asks the question "what happened?") yo solo estoy enfocado en ver cómo soltarte (i'm only focused on seeing how i let you go) bebé, no quiero perderte (baby, i don't wanna lose you) pero menos que me pierdas una oportunidad (but less that you make me lose the chance) eso significa no verte, fuck mi mala suerte (that means not seeing you, fuck my bad luck) tengo que aprender a soltar (i need to learn to let go)

minho remembers taking a picture of you, it was by the han river and you were making a peace sign. late at night when no one could see him and you didn't have to hide from the public. he wanted to keep you there forever, cherish you and make you feel loved.

"god i look so bad, delete it." you said and he just shook his head as he embraced you, giving you a tight hug. covering you with his coat as the wind blew near the water, it got suddenly colder. you accepted his tenderness and love as you laid your head on his shoulder.

"you look good all the time." he said, smiling and giving you a kiss on the forehead. you blushed as you looked up to meet his eyes and then suddenly closed them to meet him in a peaceful and lovely kiss that you would be sure to remember. well at least he still remembered and felt it from time to time.

"stop daydreaming." hyunjin said as he woke up minho from his daily session of reimagining things again and he sighed, annoyed by the others' presence but he knew they had to record their lines together. "It's all about letting go now like the lyrics say."

"yeah none of us are doing a good job at that." felix said as he walked in, his hair a mess and his voice raspier than usual. he knew he wasn't doing well but this was bottom of the barrel and he just didn't know how to take care of himself anymore.

"tired of saying we'll probably get a chance when i actually don't know." minho mumbled to himself but the other two catched it and nodded along. this was gonna be a tough act to put on but they needed to keep going till the end. a bad loser was one that wouldn't even show up, at least they were trying to win something out of this.

[ chorus : jisung, chan & seungmin ] y si fuera por mí (yoh, yoh), estaría cerca de ti, yeah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, yeah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love)

jisung was in the last chorus because that's what they decided on. he sighed as he had only one verse, the last one to make the chance count. even now he was feeling nervous for one line, he never felt this tense since he started being in stray kids and now he just wanted to shut himself off and close the door to his bedroom to not think about you. he was always invaded by memories anyways, so it's not like he could stop it but right now all the flashbacks like a movie were on his mind and he felt the tears build up.

seungmin found himself saying the last lyric of the song, thinking of the times when you would be staring at him before you two kissed. he didn't want to let go even if the song said otherwise but it would be the best option if things didn't go as planned.

"i love you minnie." you whispered to him after an award show one day. they had collected most of the trophies yet none of them felt as good as your love and having you by his side (as corny as it sounds).

"i love you too." he whispered back and kissed your cheek as you were leaving the place were it took place. fingers intertwined and smiles on both of your faces.

he remembered it with such love but deep pain as he pronounced his lyrics. i guess it's a part of love huh? he thought to himself as he saw the video going up, the song reaching an incredible amount of listens and going viral on every platform

maybe something good would come out of this.

+ 1

you knew it was about you and it was absolutely everywhere. you didn't have a friend who didn't send you the song and you didn't have a coworker who didn't talk about it. the new stray kids song is so sad that it will make you cry but it's still a vibe or whatever the headlines were saying. you were done with it but because your curiosity was over the roof, you knew you had to listen to it at least once.

and you did, you took in all the lyrics, all the verses and the chorus. you sighed when you finished it, is it really like this? do they really want you back? do they crave to be close to you like they say? you didn't know fully. maybe they just took in the situation and made the song for clout. but you knew them better than that and wouldn't do that if they weren't truly sorry, it was a whole mess to think about this.

you unblocked all of them, the hardest one to unblock being chan but you did it. speaking of the devil, he sent you a message as soon as you did unblock him and it was like destiny or magic or something insane because he couldn't believe he was no longer prohibited on your phone as he started spamming you.

then soon everyone started messaging you and it felt like the old times, bringing back a smile to your face. it looks like they really did miss you and wanted you back.

you opened seungmin's chat and wrote just two words.

one chance.

#sourbinnie #skz imagines #skz songfics #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #skz x you #skz angst #stray kids angst #skz scenarios #ot8 x reader #skz ot8 #skz drabbles #stray kids drabbles #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #skz x gn reader

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theonewithval · 3 months

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The day when tiva shippers won: an unneeded and unrequested reaction chronicle by theonewithval

February 28, 2024.

I'm about to have dinner, when I start seeing THINGS on my tl on twitter. Apparently the big bomb is about to drop. I've been on the edge of my seat for more than a week now, IS IT ACTUALLY HAPPENING TODAY?

TICK.

I can't. My heart is pounding. My mom keeps talking about a million other things and I just can't focus, I can't even understand what she's saying. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Everybody on twitter is having the same reaction, I'm not the only one whose anxiety is over the roof. It's something that is going to change my life, of that I'm certain. I need to get whatever they're planning to tell us NOW.

My mom calls me: dinner is ready. What if something happens while I'm eating and I miss it? I'm feeling so nervous, my legs are shaking and I feel weak, and I don't know whether it's because I'm hungry and need to eat, or because of the thought of the big news I might get today.

I finish eating, I pick up my phone, immediately checking twitter, again.

TICK.

WAIT WHAT IS THIS TICK TICK BOOM THING? I'M LOSING MY MIND. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY LONGER. I FEEL LIKE TONY DINOZZO WHEN HE GETS OUT THE CAR IN JUDGEMENT DAY AND YELLS. YES I'M ABOUT TO YELL.

My mind starts racing: what if something happens when I'm sleeping and I'm not here to see it? I WOULD MISS THE CHAOS. NOPE. NOT A CHANCE. I CAN'T SLEEP LIKE THIS. I hop into bed, switch my tv on. I need to get my mind off this or I think I'm gonna pass out. Seriously. Italia's got talent is on tv, I'm gonna watch that.

*checks her phone and twitter every two minutes*

What if they drop the bomb at 9est? My god, I can't live like this. THIS HAS TO HAPPEN NOW. I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THAT THOUGHT IN MY MIND. IT WOULD BE 3AM HERE, AND NOW IT'S 10PM.

I text @sweetsouldhavernas: I need support. At this point, it can either be any minute now or in a couple of hours. We kinda start losing hope, maybe we're going to have to wait more, BUT WE CAN'T ANYMORE.

*prays and cries in italian*

I switch my tv off, at this point I'm not even paying attention to it. People on twitter have completely gone crazy, posting old tiva pics, hoping for a miracle. I furiously refresh my tl every two seconds. Yes, literally. And then...

BOOM.

THE BOMB DROPS. THE MIRACLE HAPPENS. A tvline article on my tl, with a pic of Tony and Ziva stuck in the elevator, at the end of season 9. I THOUGHT THE EARTH MOVED. YES, EVERYTHING IS MOVING, SPINNING AROUND ME. MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST I CAN'T CONTROL IT. MY HANDS AND MY LEGS ARE SHAKING. THANK GOD I'M IN BED OR I WOULD FALL ON THE GROUND. TONY AND ZIVA. TOGETHER. IN A SPIN OFF. THE BIGGEST THING I EXPECTED WAS A CAMEO, BOTH OF THEM IN THE ORIGINAL SERIES. LIKE ARE WE SERIOUSLY GETTING THEM, FOR TEN EPISODES, BEING A COUPLE, BEING A FAMILY, RAISING THEIR DAUGHTER, LOVING EACH OTHER? INSANE, JUST INSANE.

*starts typing nonsense*

*completely loses control of her hands, uncontrollably shaking, not being able to type properly*

*rants in italian*

I feel like we won the world cup. We did it, my friends, we did it tiva nation. And it feels so freaking amazing. I keep watching us slowly finding out what the future holds for us, and we have never won like this. It's so incredible, I can't believe it. Time passes and I don't even realize it's 1am here, I won't be able to sleep, I've got a headache but I don't care, it's been so worth it.

Jokes aside, it's been a lot to process and I think I haven't 100% realized what happened, still feels like a fever dream, but what I can say is that this has literally been one of the most important moments in a fandom, one of the happiest. I've been in this fandom since 2012, twelve years and still counting. I want to hug 17 years old me and tell her it's gonna be okay, that we're gonna have them back, that she's still gonna scream and lose her mind because of them. This girl was 17 when she first saw them in under covers, her first episode ever and fell in love with them. This girl back in 2013 thought they were never going to see each other again, that she lost her most important ship ever. This girl, when family first aired, spent the whole morning after the episode aired, crying in bed for one of her favorite fictional characters ever, because not only she lost her, Ziva, but she lost her ship again, one more time, this time in such a terrible way. They had a child, yes, but they didn't have the chance to be together and I was furious. It was a sensitive subject, every time the reruns aired on my tv every year and I missed so much it hurt. But then, in 2019, we found out there was still hope after all. Ziva was still alive. She reunited with Tony in 2020, with their little girl, finally free to love and to be loved. And now we're here? About to witness them being a couple, a family, raising their daughter, bantering like an old married couple, flirting, working together, getting what everybody of us has always wished for, but thought it was too big of a thing?

If this is a dream, then don't wake me up. It's gonna be amazing, I know that, for sure.

#Just had to write this somewhere #I know this is nonsense I don't expect people to read this #I'm gonna come back here and read this every time I want to remember this ICONIC day #Always in our hearts #Don't mind my awful english #tiva #Tiva spin off!!!#WE WON #ziva david #tony dinozzo

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backagainpodcast · 6 months

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Hello! I absolutely love BABA, it is everything I need in a comfort media, especially during exam season. Do you have any advice for people looking into writing podcasts? Like audio editing programs or writing tips or anything else that's come up in your process? If you do, thanks so much! But regardless, I adore this podcast and I hope you're having a wonderful day!

hello! thank you so much for listening, and I really really hope your exams go well <<33

My writing advice is the kind that I feel like deserves to get me shook, but it's the truest I know --- write a lot, write every day or as often as you can manage it, write like it is the thing that you must do to keep you alive. Write like it's at the top of your to-do list, write knowing that as long as you write something that day, whatever else happens, it can be enough. Choose a word count and try to reach it every day. Choose a duration of time and make sure you set it aside. Just --- write. Note the things that are important to you and mean the most to you, and you'll never run out of ways to talk about them.

When I am drafting, I aim for 500 words a day (but please god find what works for you don't take this as anything other than an example.) Sometimes I kick and scream to that point and don't go any further. Oftentimes, after 500, the words are loose enough that I can keep going. Stack 'em up. The more you have, the less each one matters. The longer you get into the habit of hitting a word count, the easier it is to do!!

From the podcasting side of things, I have no idea what I'm doing, ever, which means that I am NOT the best person to get good advice from, but I CAN tell you how to duct-tape a podcast together. My tips---

Take the time to learn how to use Audacity (or whatever audio editing software you'd like -- audacity is just FREE, we LOVE) get yourself a mic that fits in your budget (my blue yeti has been going solid for years and years and has survived several moves!), and get talkin'.

Likewise, take your time editing. Get a sense of how much you can reasonably do between episodes, and don't overwork yourself. It's better to have a consistent schedule for releases than a sporadic one, even if that means episodes are farther apart :) BABA comes out twice a month and I could not consistently do any more without losing my mind. Maybe that's not the case for you, but figure it out!!

Uh --- I use Anchor, which is now "Spotify for Podcasters," because, again, it's free. Freemusicarchive.org is where BABA's theme music (Nightingales by Pierce Murphy) comes from, and just do some googling about what each attribution right means so you're respecting people's wishes.

I also cannot recommend enough writing the whole season before you start recording. Editing and recording and editing episodes is enough every two weeks -- I couldn't imagine also having to write the episode on top of that :')

(But again -- maybe you're different!! Maybe it's no problem for you! The biggest thing is figuring out how you can stretch and how you cannot and adapting.)

But I think the biggest thing is having a story that you want to tell and that excites you, if no one else. It's going to be a lot of talking to yourself in empty rooms and listening to yourself through headphones and the only way to get through is to love something about it :')

I finally must encourage you to take all of this with a grain of salt, as I'm just Some Guy with no real qualifications except that I snuck in the back door and no one kicked me out fast enough. But that is the glorious thing about audio drama!!! Anyone can make anything!!!

Good luck, good luck, and always reach back out if there's something more substantial I can help you with :)

Very best, always,

Abigail <3

#writing advice #(?)#i don't think i'm qualified for that #baba ask #abigail answers asks #back again back again podcast #baba podcast #back again back again #knightcore #audio drama

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crossdressingdeath · 2 months

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Withers: Thou remainest in thy chains. Separate from the light of the world. Removed from its temptations. Thou feared thou would be a slave to thy desires. Dost thou still fear that which lurks within thee? Hast thy cruel father taken all of thee that thou once was? Kyvir: End... me... please... Withers: There thou art. Amid the ravenings of thy cruel sire - thy soul, intact. The realm of men will forget thee, books left bare, to be filled with falsehood, myth, and superstition. The tapestry of fate, however, will not forget. Nor will I. Rest well, friend. Thou deservest as much. Till next we meet, remember: Thou gave all thou wert to save lives, to reclaim the world from a fate most dire.

Because if I came across a friend who was begging me to kill them my response would for sure be "Ah, I see you still have enough of your mind left to be in a state of constant suffering! Good to see! Right then, I'm off. Good luck with the inevitable descent into murderous madness!" Withers really is such a good friend and definitely doesn't just want to use Durge for some unclear purpose that feral Durge is no longer suited for. Also like. "Dost thou still fear that which lurks within thee" well Withers given Durge is currently in the process of irreparably losing their mind to the ceaseless need for slaughter I imagine everything left of their mind is pretty scared! Also I don't think this is going to be particularly restful for them.

But god, imagine how awful this would be for Durge. Locked in a cell knowing that if they get out they will kill people whether they want to or not, feeling their mind breaking under Bhaal's assault and knowing that the best they can hope for is for someone to kill them, or failing that for their mind to break to such an extent that they stop being aware of what's happening to them. The feral ending is so horrible for Durge, and one of many moments that make me wonder why the game insists that Chosen Durge is pure evil for the sake of being evil while also having all these scenes that show just what an awful idea defying Bhaal actually is, given Bhaal could presumably have done this at any point if he chose to.

#bg3 #durge #bg3 withers

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dannymillerfansite · 8 months

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Danny Miller, who plays Aaron, recently caught up with Digital Spy and other media to discuss his surprise comeback.

How has it been to return to Emmerdale?

"It's been amazing. It's almost like a new job for me, because I see it completely differently now. I've been back a couple of times, but this time I'm very appreciative of the job and very thankful for being back here.

"Obviously I've got a family now that needs feeding, and it's a fun way to do that! I'm living round the corner now because we've relocated over here, which shows that I really want to commit to Emmerdale. I want to show everyone how much I love it – and how much respect and thanks I've got for it."

Has this been a hard secret to keep?

"Yes, because when [former executive producer] Jane Hudson and [producer] Laura Shaw pitched the idea to come back, I was over the moon and so excited. But they said: 'There is something we want to do with it, which means that you're going to have to keep it quiet'.

"This was at the beginning of the year, so it's been months of not being able to tell people. We relocated and people were asking where I was moving to, but I wasn't able to tell people.

"Some of my closest friends and family don't even know what I've been up to, so it's been hard to do but the respect and appreciation for the show meant that I wanted to keep the secret.

"I wanted to be part of something that will hopefully be a shocking soap moment, so that made it easier because I knew that people would understand."

Are you expecting your phone to buzz with messages now that you're back?

"I don't know, it could go one way or the other. It could go: 'Oh God, he's back again!' Or it could be that they're happy he's back – I'm hoping it's the latter."

Did it feel like the right time to come back?

"Absolutely. I enjoyed the time away and I did I'm A Celeb, which was something I'd always wanted to do. I had the opportunity afterwards to go and do various other shows off the back of that.

"I left for time off with my family. You don't get that here at Emmerdale because it's very busy. I've done that and I feel like I've achieved a lot since I've been away.

"When the offer came back in, I was very thankful and appreciative. It made me think, 'This is for my family' and I feel very honoured to do that here."

Are you back for the foreseeable future?

"Well, it's soap, isn't it? In my eyes, they'll have to drag me out kicking and screaming. Whether that happens, I don't know. I'm certainly very happy here and we'll see what happens."

What can you tell us about Aaron's return story?

"Aaron has been away for a couple of years, apart from his brief return last year, trying to live a new life in Italy with his friend Adam and his partner Marco. Aaron has got himself into a lot of trouble since the death of Liv, which sent him off the rails.

"It was a quick exit when Aaron left last time, so he didn't have time to process everything. He's done his grieving off screen and it's not gone the way he imagined. Liv's death has made Aaron very angry at life and quite a few characters within the village.

"He's now been dragged back by Caleb and Cain, after taking something that wasn't his from some gangsters. He's also been lying about that. In previous years, Aaron was loyal, very honest and very family-orientated. Now it's time to see a completely different side to him."

Can you describe Aaron's state of mind?

"Aaron's state of mind is that he didn't want to come back. He was on a self-destructive path, which meant that he was happy to kill or be killed over there in Italy. It was Adam who made the call to warn Cain about this, explaining that Aaron is off the rails and has lost the plot entirely.

"Aaron's state of mind is that he's selfish, angry and depressed from everything that happened. He hasn't dealt with the grief very well, so he's angry with everybody and just constantly looking for a fight.

"It doesn't bother Aaron whether he wins or loses – just as long as he can have a fight and maybe feel a bit of pain at the hand of someone else."

How will Aaron cope with being back in the village for the first time since Liv's death?

"Most of the time he just wants the ground to swallow him up, really. It just brings back so many dark memories of what happened with Liv.

"Aaron blames Chas for that, because he believes Liv wouldn't have been out there in the storm if Chas hadn't been playing away with Al. He also had to hide the truth from Paddy and leave with that secret. It makes him even more angry at everybody."

How is Aaron's relationship with Chas?

"Toxic is probably the best way to describe it. Chas almost thinks that it's old ground and it's buried, while Aaron is at the opposite end of that. He blames Chas for the way he's feeling and the fact that he didn't get the chance to grieve Liv before he left the village.

"Granted, some of that was contractual! But a lot of it was because, story-wise, Aaron had to get away to avoid telling Paddy what was going on and he kept Chas' dirty little secret. That made him even more angry because Aaron is not that person, but Chas made him that person."

Do you want Aaron and Chas' relationship to be repaired?

"I do like playing this side of things. There are some times when I'm playing scenes and I think: 'Oh God, the audience are going to hate this and they're going to hate me!'

"But it makes it interesting for the character to change. Aaron has had that character change, which is interesting for me to play and hopefully the audience will see that it's a self-destruct and self-loathing path that he's on, as opposed to just doing it for no reason.

"It makes it fun for me to play, but Aaron is very nasty to a lot of characters. There's no remorse, which adds to that darker side to him. It is very interesting to play, but he's got so much hatred for so many people."

Does being friends with Lucy Pargeter, who plays Chas, make it harder to film those angry scenes?

"It's been amazing to play because we know that eventually – hopefully – there's going to be a reunion in that relationship. We were so used to playing nice scenes where Chas was supportive and Aaron was protective of her. He was always very respectful and if anyone even looked at Chas the wrong way, he'd snap and be the first to protect her.

'This is now the opposite. It's almost like Chas is a stranger to him and he can't stand everything that she's done.

"Aaron can't understand the fact that Chas is now very sorry and remorseful for what's happened – he thinks it's too little, too late. So soap is great at really exploring such an angry relationship, with hope that there'll be a light at the end of the tunnel, which I'm sure there will be at some point."

Can you tease what's ahead over the rest of this week?

"Aaron is adamant that he's been set up and hasn't taken this money. But there is a reveal there that Aaron is lying, which sets a tone for the character that he's changed. It makes for a really interesting story arc and eventually it's going to come out why he's done it.

"That money will be put to good use at some point. Whether it's through Aaron or not is a different story!

"It's a case of Aaron eventually getting back in the village. He's got a lot of repairing to do with various different characters and that should hopefully make for an interesting arc."

What was it like to film such dark scenes as your comeback?

"The scenes were dark but it was great. It all changed because I had a small issue with my knee, which made it easy to write it into the story that Aaron had been given a good hiding before he came over! Not a lot of acting was required with limping, because I was in agony throughout most of it.

"It was just great to work with Jeff Hordley [who plays Cain] again and to work with Will Ash [who plays Caleb].

"Obviously Lucy and Nat [J Robb, who plays Moira] came into the fold – and maybe another character or two turns up at some point, so it was nice for us to play scenes with each other again.

"It was really good to film and play a different form of Aaron, although in the heart of it you see moments which show that he's still in there somewhere and someone needs to just bring it out of him. When that will happen, we'll have to wait and see."

Would you like to see Aaron working with Cain and Caleb more?

"It'd be good to see that triangle of Caleb, Cain and Aaron. They're all very like-minded and the Dingle DNA is in there throughout. It makes for a very interesting story that they work as a trio, but whether that happens I don't know.

"We discussed it with Will and Jeff – how interesting it would be if they all bang heads together and come up with ways of making money. How Dingles do that is always very interesting."

What's it like working with Will Ash?

"I've known Will since I was about 18 or 19 playing football. We always used to say 'Will Ash, nicest guy in the business' because everybody loves him. It's interesting to work with him and act with him.

"There's a couple of scenes where Caleb gets in Aaron's face. It took me a couple of takes as I thought: 'This is so weird that this is now happening with Will'. He's a great addition to the show and the character is as well. I was made up that Will was going to be part of the team that I was re-joining."

Can you give us any final teasers on what's ahead?

"I was just reading new scripts and it stays on that darker arc. Laura and Jane were saying: 'We're keen to keep that because we don't have that kind of character – who's looking for a fight, who's winding people up, who's got these smart comebacks and lines'.

"For me, that's quite good to play because Aaron keeps making smart remarks. It's good to play that character, and then eventually in the future hopefully he'll return to some form of who he used to be."

#danny miller #aaron dingle #spoilers #emmerdale #digital spy #cain dingle #caleb miligan #chas dingle

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nightraiderwrites · 1 year

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Déja vu

Summary: Doc's just built the world eater, and Joe processes trauma.

Tw: hefty descriptions of moon big, like super heavy unreality, and uh I think that's it. Lemme know if you need anything added.

¤¤¤¤¤

Joe is mining obsidian.

Now, that would not normally be a notable thing, if he wasn't mining it directly underneath approximately fifty exploding tnt. But Doc called on the HHH for help, so help he did. Joe would never turn away a Hermit in need. Never.

But he does wonder, though. He wonders why Doc would create a machine of vast destruction, considering the experience they all had. The bright, bright lights, and the deep, burning heat.

Joe supposes it's his way of coping. Destruction in a way they could control. After all, when the world ended, no one had control for what happened.

And honestly, it's probably healthier than everything else people are doing to cope.

□□□

Sometimes, Joe dreams.

The wind pushes him backward, and he squints through his glasses. He readies another firework to launch, when he spots a flaming debris about to hit him. Joe tries rolls out of the way, but it clips his wing. The elytra shudder, and catch fire. It slowly spreads up, heating his lower back. He throws it off, letting the syrupy gravity drag him downward, like some fallen angel.

His heart gives a drumroll, to the grim realization he'll never see Cleo again, or host a HHH or do anything, really. He realizes he'll burn here, and no one will know. No one will ever find his corpse, because he stares at the giant moon looming over him, and he knows. It's going to fall, just like him, and nothing can stop it.

And as he falls, he thinks. He really didn't expect the world to end like this. There are flaming rocks right and left, and Joe hopes one of them hits him before he hits the ground; he hopes death is painless. It's so bright, Joe thinks.

Joe doesn't know why it's so scary to him. He's died before! He's the man who conquered death, for goodness sake. This is different though. It's one thing to look Death in the eye and say no, when Death is simply being mauled by a zombie, or flying too fast. It's another thing to say no when the world is falling apart, and you're falling with it.

Then he jolts awake.

Then he realizes he's in a simulation.

Then he realizes he's in his haunted house.

Then he's in the hospital wing.

Then he's in Cleo's bed, sobbing because he thought he'd never see her again and he loves her very much but in a platonic way and you know he didn't mean to leave her right oh gods Cleo I'm so sorry-

Then Cleo will hug him tight and he can feel his tears dripping on her skin, which really isn't good for rotten flesh, oh dear Cleo, I'm good now, you can let go-

Then she'll hug him tighter, cutting him off. She'll say that he's being stupid, he's clearly not ok, but they'll deal with it in the morning.

And if they fall asleep hugging each other, with Joe's glasses catching on Cleo's stitching, and her flowers growing around Joe, that's no one's business.

□□□

Joe would say he's doing well. He would say he's coping, and he certainly doesn't need help. Joe accepts the fact he may be losing his mind, but he's pretty sure other people on the server need help more than him, so he just pushes his needs away. He likes helping the others anyway.

It is a well known fact Joe Hills is a terrible liar.

¤¤¤¤¤

Woah! This has been a long time coming. Since *checks dates* 12th of May! Around then, Joe was doing a HHH for Doc, removing obsidian for him that the sweepers didn't catch. He had moment in where he stopped mining and just looked up at the world eater. Did it kick this off for me? Yes! Was it buried under a couple dozen other projects until I was cleaning my notes up? Also yes!

I think most of them, in world, haven't really processed the trauma. That kind of trauma is huge, and none have them have taken a chance to go to therapy or something. This piece was about that, and also an opportunity to write Joe. He's such a character, but also like just a guy™️. I am also just a guy™️ so I sort of wrote it how I would react. Which is just shove my trauma away and focus on other things? I guess?

Anyway as always, thanks for reading. Reblogs are always appreciated, as is feedback.

I'll see you next time, folks.

#nightraider writes #writing #writers on tumblr #hermitcraft #joe hills #zombiecleo #zombie cleo

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wowifinallywatched · 5 months

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Listen...this is not my official more coherent thoughts around the Jigsaw installment of the fucking incredible Saw franchise that i normally like to post first but if you've ever wondered what it's like to watch a movie with me and my internal monologue well LOOK NO FURTHER

Coherent thoughts will be coming soon, but for now enjoy a raw reaction to whatever the FUCK THIS WAS I JUST FINISHED WATCHING AND I AKSBFKABF I JUST NEED TO SHARE THIS FEELING WITH SOMEONE HOLY FUCK-

JIGSAW

Listen if you're gonna be bringing this iconic and amazing as fuck series back it better be Fucking at the same level

Ah yes your standard creepy detective who makes sexist jokes like they get paid for it and no one does anything about it because “it's just who they are” and it's one of the bad qualities you have to adopt in about this person uh yeah no FUCK THA-

Okay I'm sorry I'm fucking sorry 39:33??!?!?!?!?!? FUCKING GOLD BEAUTIFUL STUNNING THAT WAS EVERYTHING IVE WANTED LISTEN I KNOW TRUST THE PROCESS OF THESE MOVIES DONT JUDGE TOO SOON BUT FUCK ME THAT WAS GOOD AND I WAS STILL TEETERING Listen I miss John okay-

WHAT THE FUCK IS GONNA HAPPEN IS HE GONNA COME BACK FROM THE DEAD OR IS THIS REALLY SMART AJBRIAHE Fucking skin suit or secret child ass akdbia

Eleanor DYING WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT Like i can judge this would totally be me as well BEAUTIFUL??? OKAY BITCH NOW I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY

OH MY GOD SHOW ME WHO THE FUCK POISENED YOUR SIPPY CUP BAG MOTHERFUCKER I AM LOSING MY SHIT NOT KNOWING IF JOHN REALLY IS ALIVE OR NOT FUChis

“He was my nephew” Oh my god he was his nephew I'm sorry I had to-

BRKJZISHWJBEJAHSIWBWIHSIS MOTHERFUCKING SAW MY FUCKING GOD YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN WJDBQJ PUTTING HIM IN JOHNS CASKET HAHAHHA HOW THE FUCK DID THEY DO THAT QUIETLY OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE MOVIES SO MUCH THEY'RE ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD AND JUST AJDBSIHDJW OBSESSED I CANNOT OH MY GOD I LOVE IT ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SCENES IN MY BRAIN IT WAS EITHER GONNA BE TWO OPTIONS, JOHN WAS GONNA BE THERE OR HE WASN'T BUT JUST IN SAW STYLE, A SURPRISE THIRD OPTION HAS APPEARED HAHAHAH Its like when you watch these movies, you're thinking so hard about one part of it (where the fuck is John) that you become completely oblivious to other options (surprise Mr. Coma has appeared) ALSO I WORK IN THE FUNERAL INDUSTRY AND THERE IS STRICT LAW THAT YOU CANNOT OPEN UP A COFFIN INSIDE THE CEMETERY SO H A

I'm trying to bring logic into these movies when I just watched a man get turned into a human milkshake

But this also means that someone could have taken John's body and has been using his DNA But would the tests come back saying the DNA is dead or alive? Like someone purposely put his DNA under the guys nails to throw them off who's really playing these games I wonder if it's the OG Dr. saw bathroom who's running the show If John really is alive that would be fucking perfect This psycho mortuary girl better not have dug up John himself to fulfill her obsession I SWEAR- OH MY GOD SHE HAS THE OG SAW STOPPPP HAHAHAHAH Wait wait NO NO NO THIS IS A SET UP I SWEAR OH MY GOD THE DETECTIVE

everyone's like “oh copy cats copy cats” but it's actually the fucking detectives that study these cases of jigsaw everyone calm your tips MY TITS ARE NOT CALM WHERE IS THE DAUGHTER NO IM NOT FUCKING AROUND WHERE IS HIS DAUGHTER I SWEAR

Oh my god I hear remnants of the saw music as they drive off from the house 🥺 LITTLE PIGGY IS STILL IN PLAY LES GOOOO Everytime I see VAIDUWOFJKSHEIEHDIJWKDNWKJFKSBEKNWKDJEKDBOSBRKANJDHSID JOHN JOHN SOBDJSBDIAHDIHA I JUST CHOKED ON MY CEREAL OH MY FUCKING GOD JOHN MY JIGGY SAWWY MAN IM GONNA CRY HOLY FUCK IVE MISSED YOU NSKFBSJS HOW THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE IN A FUCKING MORTUARY WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK NO I DO NOT TRUST WHAT I SEE ARE YOU A TWIN BROTHER OR SOME SHIT I AM LOSING MY MIND WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID THEY REPLACE YOUR BODY BUT THE TEST SUBJECTS WOULD HAVE COME BACK IS THIS A HALLUCINATION HOLY SHIT I AM ABOUT TO BREAK THIS FUCKING TABLE HOLY FUCKING SHIT My boy you look like you've aged so much Oh my god that misdiagnosis hit way too close to home alright I am John number one protector BUT HOW THE FUCK IS HE ALIVE BECAUSE THE TUMOUR AND THE SKABKFJA John baby listen i love you so much and I love the game you've got going on and you give the best monologue but HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU ALIVE

Listen surely those jigsaw pieces are a set up because surely not even the most dumbass of cops would keep that in their fucking FREEZER HAHAHAH

I am absolutely fucked I trust none of you bitches except daddy mortuary

AWWWWWWWWW MEANING BEHIND THE PIG HEAD MENTIONED SO CASUALLY THAT IS SO CUTE JOHN

John is so fucking extra he has all these props and then uses a single shotgun

This is more trying to pick who Johns new apprentice is and i don't like any of them

GIRL WHY WOULD YOU WEAR BOOT HEELS TO THIS SCAVENGER HUNT

Listen John sliding the door to people's eternal doom just hits different okay

BACKWARDS OH MY FUCKING GOD JOHN YOU ARE SO SMART It’s literally been the EXACT SAME ALL THESE YEARS PLAY BY THE RULES HE NEVER SAID YOU HAD TO SHOOT EACH OTHER FOR YOUR FREEDOM THAT WAS NOT A RULE HE SET IN PLACE HAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS AND I WAS CLAIMING HE WAS USING A SIMPLE ASS SHOTGUN OF COURSE IT WASN'T JUST A SHOTGUN I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS

DADDY MORTUARY WAS THE DOCTOR THAT FUCKED UP HIS TEST RESULTS OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU ABSOLUTE LAZY DICKWAD OF A MAN YOU ARE DOOMED HAHAH

Wait what the fuck this is sus whats happening ABDKJSJEBWJDHIWVDJHS I THOUGHT HIS BODY WAS JUST ROLLING AT FIRST WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING NO NO WAY DADDY MORTUARY IS JOHNS NEW APPRENTICE DETECTIVE YOU AND ME ARE THE SAME WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM HIM NO YOU WERE THE ONE I TRUSTED NO FUCKING WAY THE ONLY ONE I TRUSTED TURNED OUT TO BE THE MAN BEHIND IT ALL HAHAHAHAH FUCK WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN FUYCJA FUCKABAFSIABKFJBKAF HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT IS HOLY FUCK LISTEN I STARTED TO DOUBT THIS ONE THEN I TOLD MYSELF DON’T DO THAT BECAUSE IT’S WHAT HAPPENS EVERY TIME I ALWAYS THINK THEY’RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE PREVIOUS ONE BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T REACHED THAT CLIMATIC PLOT TWIST THAT PULLS ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER AND THEN YOU REACH IT AND YOU THINK HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE FUCKING PAST AND PRESENT PLAY THAT THIS SERIES IS SO GOOD AT

OH MY GOD I GOT SO EXCITED THINKING MY BABY JIGGY SAWWY MAN WAS ALIVE BUT NOPE IT WAS JUST THE PAST GAMES SOBS AND IT’S SO FUNNY BECAUSE NOW IF YOU REWATCHED THIS MOVIE YOU’D SEE ALL THE SIGNS POINTING TO THE TRUTH You just have to follow the rules You just have to follow the signs pointed in the direction of the movie plot OH FUCK ME MOVIE GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH YOUR CLEVER WAYS Think about it if you really listened to this movie, it’s literally telling you exactly what’s going to take place Oh fuck me HAHAHAHAH I NEED TO REWATCH ALL THESE MOVIES NOW WITH THAT MINDSET THIS HAS MIND FUCKED ME I CAN’T BELIEVE IT THE FACT WE WERE WATCHING THE OG GAME WITH THE DADDY MORTUARY BUT SIKE IT WAS TEN YEARS AGO

Not gonna lie Daddy Mortuary was kind of hot Jesus I need to learn his real name I'm sure someone said it I was just blinded by his good looks-

I AM LOSING MY MARBLES I LITERALLY CONTINUE DO ANYTHING ELSE RIGHT NOW HAHAHA LIKE HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT MOMENT WHEN HE STARTED GETTING UP LOST IT GAVE ME FEELINGS BACK TO THE FIRST SAW MOVIE WHERE JOHN SLOWLY GOT UP AND REVEALED HIMSELF Oh my god Daddy Mortuary was the son John never got to have *GROSS SOBBING IN THE CORNER*

AND SLIDING THE DOOR SHUT JUST LIKE JOHN LIKE JIGGY SAWY FATHER LIKE JIGGY SAWY SON SO THIS GAME HAPPENED FUCKING YONKS AND WOULD HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED BEFORE AMANDA AND BEFORE WHATEVER THE FUCK DETECTIVE FACE WAS I ALREADY DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME I just can't I can't believe they still gave us John Kramer content while he's still fucking dead that was so fucking clever You can't have a saw movie without the original Jigsaw in it and they fucking keep it alive in a smart way, not forced, but smart WAIT DADDY MORTUARY WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID YOU DO WITH JOHNS BODY I GET IT THE GAMES HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO AND SUCH BUT WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH JOHNS BODY DID HE MOVE A WHOLE ASS CASKET AND REPLACE HIS CASKET WITH ANOTHER actually he works in a mortuary he would have the skills to do that HAHAHAHAH FUCKKKKKKK Listen this movie literally gave us John content, fucking ecstatic about it, then showed it was past John and that he's not really here right now

BUT THEY LEFT THE FUCKING DOOR WIDE OPEN FOR JOHN TO STILL BE ALIVE BY HIM NOT BEING IN THAT CASKET AND I KNOW ITS PROBABLY MORE A “They just put the body elsewhere/ replaced his casket” BUT LISTEN LET ME HAVE THIS SMALL OUNCE OF HOPE OKAY

ALSO DID I FUCKING CALL IT OR DID I FUCKING CALL IT ABOUT PUTTING JOHNS DNA UNDER HIS NAILS ON PURPOSE FUCKING CALLED THAT SHIT BITCH AND IM REALLY PROUD BECAUSE I CAN NEVER DO THAT WITH THESE MOVIES FUCK YES GO TEAM 1 FOR US 16 MILLION FOR THE MOVIE OKAY LET ME HAVE THIS ONE- Not me going on about how old John looks and it's literally exactly how he looks in all the other movies HAHAHAHAHAH

OH MY GOD IN THAT SCENE WITH JOHNS NEIGHBOUR AND LEG-O-LOSS I THOUGHT NEIGHBOUR WAS IN SHOCK (of course we find out because she was his neighbor) BECAUSE JOHN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD BUT IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE THEY WERE NEIGHBOURS NO ONE EVER BATTED AN EYE OR SAID BUT JIGSAW IS DEAD BUT JOHN KRAMER IS DEAD OH MY GODDDDD ANOTHER FUCKING SIGN TO JUST PAY ATTENTION TO THAT'S BEING SAID AND IT WAS REVEAL THE WHOLE MOVIE TO YOU

Just oh my God okay I need to lay this out Daddy Mortuary- Okay no let me find his real name Also poor fucking Eleanor she really was just a Saw fanatic and now she's wrapped up in something she doesn't even realise IF ONLY SHE KNEW BECAUSE SHE WOULD BE LOVING HER OWN STORY RIGHT NOW LOGAN HIS NAME IS LOGAN Alright so Logan fucked up John's test results by mislabelling (the poor other fucking dude that got those results) which i feel like was a bit of an add on instead of reveal WAIT BUT IF THIS GAME HAPPENED BEFORE THE OTHER GAMES IN THE OTHER MOVIES Oh my fuck then he would have no reason to mention it in any of his past monologues because he already faced the man that did it and seeked his ‘revenge’ OH MY GOD OKAY REDEEMED THAT WAS THE ONLY THING I HAD TO COMPLAIN ABOUT BUT HE'S BEEN REDEEMED CARRY ON So John sets up one of his classic games, with the machine that was “never used” or they never found the bodies for OH MY GOD LOGAN GAVE HER THE ANSWER. LITERALLY JUST TOLD HER. BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW. HE WAS APART OF THAT GAME. HE WOULD HAVE RECOGNISED THE MACHINE STRAIGHT AWAY. HE LITERALLY TOLD HER BUT OF COURSE YOU WOULD NEVER SUSPECT IT TO BE ANYTHING BUT AN ACCUSATION HAHAHAH SHITTTTT I keep trying to write this out calmly and then get really Hyped up forgive me- The game begins with everyone having their sins AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS SO WEIRD THE GAME STARTED WITH SOMEONE STILL UNCONSCIOUS, IT FELT VERY UNLIKE JOHN BECAUSE HE'S ALL ABOUT HAVING A FAIR CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF and when we finally got to see the result of that scene where John is racing out to save him because it was an unfair start and he wanted to personally give him a second chance IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING- I wonder how far apart these events were to the previous movie

ANYWAY

My brain isn’t working i literally can't stop thinking about John being a protective father to him John takes him under his wing seeing his pain, seeing his grief and to teach him its not about anger AND LOGAN TEACHING JOHN SOME THINGS TOO SOBS listen, John is the most forgiving person IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT I KNOW WE HAVE LIKE 8 MOVIES TO SAY OTHERWISE BUT LET ME EXPLAIN- HE GIVES THEM A CHANCE TO CONFESS AND THEN BE FREE HE'S ONLY PUNISHING THEM BECAUSE THEY WON'T CONFESS THEMSELVES NOT BECAUSE HE'S MAD Oh my god i really am protecting a serial killer BUT HEY IT'S FICTIONAL And it is fucking wild to me that no one ever found these bodies (JUST LIKE MY BOY ADAM SOBS) and so Logan planned and waited until the perfect moment to fuck with the world Except there's one thing different from John to the other people that have tried to take his place John gives them a fair game, just play by the rules Amanda, Detective Douche, Logan - They all seemed revenge. They gave them a game, but it wasn't always fair, it wasn't always a game that could be won. Oh wait but Detective banana peel ass didn't exactly confess to freeing Logans wife's murderer so he didn't play the game right OKAY THAT WOULD BE VALID THEN It's just crazy to me that a game happened in real time and we technically got to see exactly what it would have looked like but we never saw the actual game

AND OF COURSE LOGAN CHOSE A GUY THAT DOOMED HIS WIFE'S DEATH AS THE GUY TO GET NO CHANCE FOR REDEMPTION TO REPLICATE HIS OWN EXPERIENCE HAHAHAH LOVE THAT

This was so fucking clever and i never want to stop talking about these movies oh my god

BUT OH MY GOD THE DETECTIVES FUCKING HEAD GETTING SPLICED LIKE A FUCKING BANANA PEEL I CANT- THAT WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL HORRIFYING AND DISGUSTING BUT SO FLUID AND BEAUTIFUL I cannot wait to watch the new movie and see the graphics All things considered theyve really done these movies justice all through the years Like I'm so fucking happy with the ending of this movie And I fucking adore that we got to see John again But I'm not gonna lie my heart is a little broken he's not actually alive and well- I KNOW WE LITERALLY SAW HIM GET AUTOPSIED wait Was Logan the one to do his autopsy I remember he mentioned something about John being full autopsied but I don't remember if he meant he did it himself WAIT ITS ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME MORTUARY HAND TO DO THE SAW AUTOPSIES HASN'T IT OH MY FUCKING GOD SO HE KNEW THE PLAN ALL ALONG HE FUCKING KNEW OH MY GOD I AM EMOTIONAL-

Now I need to go back and watch the other movies again, for many reasons, but to see if it was Logan all along

I JUST READ MY NOTES WHILE WATCHING PREVIOUS SAW MOVIES AND I MADE A COMMENT ABOUT HOW SUS IT IS THAT THERE’S BEEN ONE CONSISTENT MORTUARY HAND LOOKING AFTER THE SAW VICTIMS HAHAHAH CALLED IT (possibly)

God I don’t drink but right now I feel like I need a drink

ONTO THE NEXT ONE WHERE YOU REALLY CAN’T PREDICT WHAT WE’LL EVER GET AKSBFKBF

#I didn't realise how comforting and how much I love John until I got him back only for him to be ripped away again #fuck these saw movies boggle me and I'm obsessed with it #jigsaw #jigsaw apprentices #saw memes #just saw thoughts #saw franchise #sawposting #saw films #just saw things #saw movies #billy the puppet #john kramer #logan nelson

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amberjazmyn · 7 months

Text

matthew gray gubler

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - already gone

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - character death, mentions of cancer, tears, loss of matthew's wife

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - for ages, matthew's wife, adrienna gubler had been extremely sick, going in and out of hospitals until she loses her physical battle after she had given up on her fight ages ago mentally.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i have recycled this so many times but this time it's about mgg! also, i take my trigger warnings seriously so only read if you can.

masterlist

- - -

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted.

matthew and his wife, adrienna, had planned to do so much together after only being married for just over a year, fourteen months. they planned on renovating their house in las vegas, trying for kids, and hopefully having those kids, to continue living together, travelling when matthew wasn't busy on criminal minds or doing interviews, making silly youtube videos together, the absolute lot. they had planned so much but now, these memories were just haunted and won't ever be experienced together.

adrienna was sick, very sick, she had been in the hospital for the last couple of months due to intense chemotherapy, meaning she would be missing some of the filming days of criminal minds. and, it was utterly devastating for the newly married couple. adrienna was barely able to leave her hospital bed without feeling weak, dizzy or nauseous and as though she'd throw her guts up if she lifted a single finger or toe. it broke matthew's heart right down to his core, especially when he couldn't be with her in the hospital to keep her safe and make sure she wasn't scared when he was out of las vegas entirely or just in los angeles during criminal minds season.

we were always meant to say goodbye, even with our fists held high.

adrienna and matthew both believed in the saying that, "everything happens for a reason." and, at first, of course, adrienna and matthew did not think that her cancer diagnosis was a blessing. they thought it was a mean, rude, cruel curse put upon them. however, throughout the process, slowly, adrienna started to go back to having a faith and she started praying to a god again. all of a sudden, the curse of her cancer went away and, it became a blessing in disguise. yes, sure, she never expected this was how she'd say goodbye to her husband but, she and matthew, no matter what was always meant to say goodbye to each other in some capacity. even with their fists held high in celebration of adrienna's strength, they were always meant to say goodbye to each other.

it never would have worked out right, we were never meant for do or die.

although getting told that adrienna's treatment was no longer working was heartbreaking and terrifying, it just meant that adrienna and matthew's "till death do us part" vow was coming a little bit earlier than the other criminal minds couples was and it was okay, it was just needing some time to come to terms with and get used to. despite the fact that matthew struggled in comprehending that he was only going to have been married to his wife for not even a full year, never have kids with her and never have the fun experience of renovating their home together, it made him realise so much more and it allowed him to look at the bigger picture of the situation.

"--i'm so sorry mr gubler but, after going through some last-minute tests with adrienna in regards to her chemotherapy treatment for her cancer, it has been found that her body is no longer responding as well as we would have liked to the chemo and, we'll be taking her off the treatment per her own request. because of adrienna's awareness of the failure of the chemo's response to cancer in her blood cells, she was more than happy to start the refusal of all types of treatment. she's also requested that you don't try to fight with her against this as she's very adamant that if she knows that one type of treatment isn't going to work, she doesn't want to bother with any other sort, even if it has a high percentage rate of responding well..."matthew could barely let oxygen through his lungs as his wife's oncologist, dr callahan brings the young man the worst news he had ever heard since the original diagnosis

"...do you know why exactly she's refusing all treatment revenues?" matthew felt his ears ringing as he asked that question, tears burning the back of his eyes as he was handed a tissue by dr callahan, the married man keeping it in his lap for a moment before his fingers absentmindedly played with it as it was then rolled into a ball

"it's, unfortunately, private information due to doctor confidentiality, cannot be told by me. if adrienna does wish to tell you, that is most certainly okay, however, it is not my place due to the rules and requirements. i am very sorry matthew, i know you and adrienna were hoping for some better news as it really did look as though she was responding beautifully. if you two need anything else, please feel free to ring either me or doctor keating up. adrienna is in the patient room and all of her tests have been completed if you two wish to leave, goodbye matthew," dr callahan was a lovely man, he was a little bit older than matthew's father, john and was a brilliantly intelligent oncologist and one of the best ones out of what felt like the hundreds that the married couple had gone to all around las vegas so they didn't have to travel to a complete different country when it first came to mind that adrienna had fallen ill

the moment dr callahan excused himself from his own office, allowing time for matthew to fully process and absorb the information the elder man had given him, matthew truly started to break down. he never thought of the day that he'd be told by his wife's oncologist that the chemotherapy wasn't working and that she'd no longer be receiving any other form, even if it was proved to have a good percentage of her survival because of her own refusal of wanting any more treatment. his eyes burned due to the tears that he had been fighting back the entire meeting with the doctor even though it wasn't the first time that matthew had dissolved into silent sobs or sometimes moderately loud ones during a meeting with the oncologist in regard to the progress in regards to his sick wife. just for one meeting, matthew didn't want to be clutching a tissue or the entire kleenex box in his lap as he cried to himself in the office but, once again, here he was, utterly inconsolable about the new news on his wife's health.

the tissue caught every single tear that fell from matthew's eyes as he rested his right arm, his right hand holding the tissue, against the shockingly comfortable chair that sat in the middle of the gubler's oncologist's office, the door that opened into the said office behind matthew. it took an entire hour for matthew to stop crying and, due to adrienna having to take just a couple of smaller tests last minute like she did every check-up, she wasn't too fussed that her husband seemed to be taking an extra-long time with dr callahan. however, it wasn't until she looked up from her comfortable seat in the room in which all her tests were taken that for the past hour, matthew had been crying, all alone, in dr callahan's office. despite the fact that he had wiped all the tears away and gone into the bathroom to wash them away with water, adrienna could still see the red and puffy silhouette that his tears left on his face as evidence. it twisted her heart in all the ways that hurt the most as she realised that at the majority of her check-ups, matthew would end up in tears and crying all alone when she was getting her blood leeched out, when her pulse, blood sugar and blood pressure were constantly taken when she could have been consoling her very much distraught husband.

i didn't want us to burn out, i didn't come here to hurt you now, i can't stop.

for what felt like weeks, adrienna had been trying to tell matthew to stay in los angeles with his criminal minds cast because she knew that soon, she wasn't going to be alive much longer. she didn't want to hurt him, that was never her intention, no way when she first met matthew and the rest of their criminal minds family. however, because of how much he loved her and wanted to be sure she was safe, he refused to leave her bedside during filming and stayed with her all day, every day whilst the rest of the cast covered for him.

"--matthew, sweetheart, i thought you said you were going back to los angeles?" adrienna whispered as she woke up, her voice groggy as she notices that matthew still hadn't left las vegas as he promised her he would

he didn't answer adrienna, as if he knew she was right and that he should have listened to his wife but, he didn't. adrienna, obviously curious, asked him why he lied to her, matthew feeling extremely guilty that he lied to his wife.

"matthew, come on bubs, why did you lie to me?" adrienna sat up as much as she could as he sighed heavily, he didn't answer because he had no answer to give her about why he lied

"i...i don't know, i just, i wanted you to rest and get some sleep so, i said that to you so you would go to sleep because i knew you weren't going to fall asleep until i told you that i'd book me a flight back to los angeles for work. i'm sorry..." matthew whispered as he plonked his head onto adrienna's leg as she pouted, her hand brushing through her husband's messy brown hair

"it's okay babe, but please love, go back to los angeles, i'm sure you can get your mum or even mine or even our sisters to come over and make sure that i'm okay if you are that paranoid. i promise you that i am okay, matthew, i'm just tired," adrienna convinced matthew as he rolled his eyes, hating that his wife always somehow convinced him to leave, grunting as he didn't want to leave his wife but, he trusted if anything were to go wrong, his parents, her parents or even their siblings or castmates would tell him

"fine! but, i do trust that my sister laura and your sister alania look after you and if anything were to happen, they contact me and everyone else immediately!" matthew spoke with a more assertive tone (which honestly turned his wife on) as adrienna smiled triumphantly, nodding her head

"okay, that's a deal babe. now leave, you need to go back to los angeles, i'll be fine!" adrienna smiled as matthew nodded his head, giving his wife one last hug and kiss before leaving after his flight was successfully rescheduled

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter, where we take this road, but someone's gotta go.

as she sat with her sister and sister-in-law, alania and laura, adrienna smiled. to her, it didn't matter that she was going to die, for she had gotten over that fear ages ago. so, she knew that she didn't want matthew to go through any of the emotional pain of watching the love of his life slowly succumb to her illness so, she refused to have matthew be anywhere near her hospital room during her chemo treatments or transfusions. she knew that someone had to go and, that person was her and, she was more than okay with that.

"ari, aren't you scared to die?" alania hesitated, the three girls all sitting down on the gubler's lounge room couch, grabbing a tight hold of her sister's clammy hand as she sighs, a small smile playing on her lips

for context as to why she was no longer in hospital, it had been a couple of weeks since adrienna had made matthew go back to los angeles so he could rejoin his castmates on the set of criminal minds whilst alania and laura took care of adrienna. however, recently, adrienna had been discharged back home due to the fact that she was now on hospice care because she was coming closer to the end of her life. meaning that the hospital agreed in bringing her home to las vegas on hospice care as well as having her pass peacefully in a familial setting rather than the hospital room being the last thing she sees.

"no, alania, not at all," adrienna smiled softly as she caressed her sister's hand, the two girls giving their sister a sad look back as they cuddled up closer together

"how come?" laura questions next as the sick girl shrugs her shoulders with a small smile, the shrugging of shoulders movement being one of the many limited things that didn't cause the dying girl pain

"i dunno laura, maybe because it was destined to happen. everything happens for a reason my love, and, this *adrienna referring to her situation of cancer* happened for a reason and, i'm blessed to have gone through it. even though i'm literally on the doorstep to my death, i couldn't have been any happier than how my life turned out i mean, i've lived my life, what more could i have lived for laura?" adrienna smiled as laura nodded her head, trying to hold her upset at bay over her sister-in-law

"we're all gonna miss you, ari," the front door opened, revealing matthew and laura's dad, john, adrienna's father-in-law as he walked over to the couch, the father and daughter-in-law sharing soft smiles with one another

"awe, john, i'm gonna miss you guys too but, i guess this is what was supposed to happen and, i couldn't have been any more grateful for the life i've lived," adrienna smiled, her voice soft and tender as music softly started to play from the radio that laura had turned on, the song playing immediately recognised as already gone by sleeping at last

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better, but i want you to move on, cause i'm already gone.

hearing the lead singer of sleeping at last sing that specific line was nothing but excruciatingly painful. no one wanted to even think about moving on from the loss of adrienna but, none more so than matthew. he didn't want to move on, he was wanting to continue making his life with adrienna, have kids with her, get the renovations of their house done together so it was a home, and continue going on fun trips with the criminal minds cast together. all he wanted in his life was just to be with adrienna, no one else otherwise he wouldn't have gone to such lengths to show adrienna how much he loves and appreciates her if he was just going to simply move on. however, matthew knew that that wasn't ever going to happen and was having to lose the one girl he wanted his forever with to then maybe one day down the line, "replace" her with someone else and have someone else's kids. and,��that hurt matthew more than any other pain in this world could hurt him.

looking at you makes it harder, but i know you'll find another, that doesn't always want to make you cry.

during the entire journey of adrienna's cancer, the amount of despair, tears and unknowingness that had been shed was way more intense than ever expected. especially by matthew since he didn't think that one day his wife felt ill it would turn out to be cancer. and normally, matthew was able to hold his tears back even though he has said he is an emotional person, however, it seemed as if seeing his wife in so much pain, no matter how well she had hidden it from him, it really seemed to knock down his wall of vulnerability. so, the number of times he would cry at the hospital, get emotional during a criminal minds scene, maybe even an interview because of how worried he was about his wife, to crying at home, to even crying on his own was such an intense amount, it seemed neverending. when adrienna came to light about this situation, she did not think it was fair at all that matthew was crying all of these tears and being so fearful. she believed that he should at least get a break because it seemed as if everything was converging and she hated it, she never wished to inflict such pain on her husband and extended family. adrienna firmly believed that matthew at least deserved a break from crying every single hospital consultation because that was all he could ever do when being told what was happening with regard to his wife.

it started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in, perfect couldn't keep this love alive.

it was true when it was found out that when adrienna and matthew had their first kiss at how perfect it was and how perfect their kisses, whether they were passionate, emotional, soft, slow, hard, quick etc. they were always perfect and they were always a meaningful thing for the married couple. meaning that, no matter how hard he tried, matthew couldn't ever convince adrienna that she was going to be fine and stay alive, despite the desperate makeout sessions he'd initiate as he'd cry and pour his heart and soul out to his wife in the hopes that all of those kisses were going to be mixed in with the exact nonexistent cure that could keep his wife alive for the rest of their living days. no words or actions spoken by matthew, however, could convince adrienna. she already knew and accepted that she was gone and that she had become peaceful with it because it no longer bothered her as much as it used to. meaning that, even if matthew hadn't, she had accepted it and that was all that mattered to her, even though it broke matthew immensely. she knew that his perfect kisses couldn't keep their love alive even though nothing else was wrong with it except for the fact that she was dying.

you know that i love you so, i love you enough to let you go.

adrienna smiled at her husband who had now arrived back home to las vegas alongside the rest of the criminal minds cast and their spouses, the song playing on the radio in the background

"matthew, i love you so much my darling. i know you'll find someone who won't leave you the way i have. okay, you have to promise me that you'll move on. i love you so much, my sweet boy. i'm giving you permission to let me go now that i've let you go," she spoke softly, the song seeming too quiet as it filtered into everyone's minds as background music, matthew nodding his head hesitating at his wife's request, a small tear tracking his cheek

"i love you too adrienna..." matthew sniffled softly, pressing his cheek against his wife's, making her smile, giving her husband a peck behind his ear as he sniffled a few times

everyone else watching on with broken hearts as they only wished they also had the same healing powers that nicky wished he could have to save the love of his life. heartbroken as they watched their castmate and best friend go through the grief of having to become a widower so quickly after marrying the love of his life. of whom everyone thought they'd outlast every single person in the room because of how much they loved each other.

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter, where we take this road, but someone's gotta go.

it seemed as if adrienna's hospice care was stopped after she had suddenly fallen extremely ill, way too ill for anyone's liking, due to an infection in her bloodstream that absolutely mortified everyone. adrienna's oncologist, dr callahan however was taking the best care of her alongside the rest of his brilliant cancer team at the hospital as he handed her the medication. however, when adrienna took said medication, it was always a moment of subconscious fear and uncertainty as to the side effects that came with her prescribed medication really loved interfering with her and there wasn't always a 100% certainty that if she took a nap due to the fatigue, another side effect of the medication, that she would wake up from the nap and wake up without any complications.

knocking lightly, dr callahan came into adrienna's hospital room to give the terminally ill girl her medication, "knock knock, here's your medication, mrs gubler-sorry, adrienna," it always made adrienna smile and giggle slightly whenever dr callahan would always try to be professional with her and call her by her last name and she then smiled as he corrected himself

"thank you so much dr callahan and, please, stop worrying about what to call me. if mrs gubler slips out, let it slip out, it's fine," adrienna smiled sweetly as she gave a look towards her medication that had been placed next to her large glass of water

"no worries and, thanks for the reminder and, also, after you've taken your meds, matthew could you and the group please come outside with me as i need to have a chat with you all? thanks so much, i'll just be outside waiting," dr callahan smiled, not wanting to let anyone worry as everyone, including adrienna, nods their heads

"course we can doctor, is everything okay?" matthew responded, a tight smile forming on his lips as dr callahan just gave a faint look of uncertainty which for some reason gave matthew the heebie-jeebies and a very unsettling feeling

"thanks, matthew," dr callahan smiled tightly as he then walked out of adrienna's hospital room to the hallway, finally able to catch his breath for this was the worst part of his job as an oncologist

then, not even a couple of seconds after dr callahan left her room, adrienna took her medication and then a large gulp of water to help glide the medication down easier, placing it back on her side table, her husband gulping worriedly. matthew's sister laura quickly moved from the seat next to adrienna's bed so matthew could sit there, instantly grabbing a hold of his wife's paled, weak frail hand, caressing it carefully for a few moments

matthew's pov

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better, but i want you to move on, so i'm already gone, so i'm already gone.

finally, after a few moments of stalling after dr callahan had left, adrienna had finally taken her medication and was starting to relax as the side effects started to come over her. this meant that it was now time for me, my sister laura, her sister alania and the rest of the criminal minds family to go outside of adrienna's hospital room for our chat with dr callahan. and, in all honesty, we were all a little scared since usually, dr callahan only asks to talk with me whenever he has news about adrienna so, it only made my head spin. i was just so scared that my nightmare was going to come true; having to move on from losing adrienna and becoming a widower.

"come on pretty boy, we have to speak with dr callahan. let ari sleep, i'm sure she's a little tired and she has to now relax from her meds," laura tried to get me to leave as i gave adrienna a small kiss before following after my sister, sister-in-law and criminal minds castmates whilst everyone else sat in the waiting room

"okay, fine. i love you so much, adrienna," i whispered softly to my wife, sighing as i gave her a small kiss on the head and i then followed after the small group to meet with dr callahan to chat with him

on our way over to dr callahan, it seemed as if he was becoming more and more nervous and was no longer finding it easy to hide it like he was usually a master at. and this when inadvertently made all of us nervous about what he suddenly needed to tell us.

"is everything okay, doctor?" laura, my sister laura, questions with a haste breath as the small group all look in between each other before back at dr callahan as he gulps

"that's the thing mrs dahl, we-we seriously think that adrienna isn't going to be well enough to last the rest of the day today. although she may look okay, the looks are truly deceiving and it seems as if all of her recent tests are plummeting. if you noticed, which you possibly did, possibly didn't, the medication i gave her was slightly different to her normal--"

"--code blue, i repeat code blue room 799a!!" hearing that suddenly ring over the intercom is truly something you could never get used to - dr callahan perks up straight away however, his flight instinct kicks in within seconds

that was when we realised the room number that was just called over the intercom, suddenly interrupting what dr callahan was explaining to us...

...room 799a... that's adrienna's room! no, no, no!

"i...i am so sorry guys but, i need to rush off but, stay in the waiting room and wait until i come back!" dr callahan then almost panics, ushering us into the waiting room where the rest of our "party" of visitors were waiting for us, thinking we had already been told the new information

"wha-what, dr callahan! aren't you gonna finish telling us about adrienna's medication?" i splutter out in a slight bought of disgust and fear, my dad pulling me back as i tried to get out of his grip which failed - not that i was disappointed or mad at my wife's oncologist, i just didn't know how else to physically respond in any other way

"i'm so sorry matthew but, i seriously can't stay back. i really, really need to handle this emergency code. it's a code blue, i cannot have this patient dying! just please go into the waiting room and i'll speak to you later, i promise!" dr callahan called out, fear and so many other emotions i couldn't distinguish swimming in his eyes as he ran up the stairs that less than five minutes ago, not even, we just walked down as we watched chaos unfurl

within a second of just blinking every single medical professional that you could think of that works in a hospital was either running up those stairs behind dr callahan towards adrienna's room or was aggressively pressing the lift button to take the lift up to her room.

"dr callahan, wait--" i tried to get him to explain to me more but, i was too late, he was way out of my sight now, no longer running up the stairs as i huff and step back, my dad's hand finding the small of my back

it seemed as if straight away, my dad knew what was about to happen and that i was starting to panic because of the unknowing fact as to what was happening to my wife at this current moment in time.

my breathing immediately started to get quicker, the panic quickly rising in my chest as dad tried to calm me down. he pulled me down the hallway, the last time i caught in my peripheral vision was my castmates going down the hallway a couple of doors down from where dad and i were.

"ssh, matthew, it's okay! everything's going to be fine, okay? maybe it was a mistake and adrienna was moved into another room." dad, bless his heart, was trying to think up ways to try and make me calm down yet, i knew what he was doing and, although i'd love to say it was working, it really wasn't helping much

"that...that isn't helping dad!" i sniffled into his shoulder as he huffed dejectedly, wondering what to do as i just muttered something to him

"play the song," i muttered softly into my dad's shoulder before he made some distance between us, his eyebrow shooting up in confusion

"what song?" he asked softly as i smiled instantly at the thought, already gone, although it was a sad, breakup song, it was like adrienna and i's song as it related to her cancer diagnosis and her eventual, oncoming death

"already gone, adrienna played it on the radio a couple of weeks ago, please," i mutter softly, dad nods his head without hesitation before grabbing out his phone and finding the song as it started to play

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories are haunted. we were always meant to say goodbye.

as the song played from my dad's phone, i was pulled right back into his embrace as it sort of became background music, closing my eyes and placing my head to his chest, his steady heartbeat being the calming cure. the music continued to play as many memories of my wife and me ran through my head as my dad just hugged me as though i was a little boy all over again.

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter where we take this road, but someone's gotta go.

it was then decided between dad and me that we would sit down as we both felt our legs were going to collapse from underneath us any second. we smiled at each other before dad allowed me to plop my head on his shoulder as the song continued to run its length. more memories that i had remembered over the years with adrienna came flooding into my brain as well as dad's as he smiled a smile that was a smile that adrienna, his daughter-in-law only saw.

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better.

i smiled softly at hearing the singer of the song sing that line because it was true. i couldn't have loved adrienna any better than i already had done and the same goes for everyone else that adored adrienna. there was no way in which we could have loved my wife even more or even better. i heard so many times during her stay in the hospital that they had never seen a cancer patient be so positive and loved during her time of cheo that that was one of the only things that stopped my tears alongside adrienna's comforting hugs, oh and the endless supply of kleenex tissue boxes and soppy movies that we watched when we lived in the hospital for the first few months.

but i want you to move, so i'm already gone, i'm already gone.

"dad..." i whispered as it had now been close to a couple of hours maybe since the code blue for adrienna's room had been called out and we still had no answers for what happened

dad then turned his head from my castmates as we had all since come back to the waiting room now that me and my castmates were less panicked and less emotional. dad gave me a small, soft smile that was comforting as he then responded.

"...yeah matthew, what's up son?" dad smiled, a small giggle leaving my mouth due to the "son" at the end of his response as we were all now equally worried about my wife and her condition

"do you think that adrienna's okay?" i questioned softly, a worried expression painted on my face as dad huffed, his shoulders falling in a sad position as he bit his lip nervously

"i truly don't know buddy. i wish i could say something else, we all do, but, i don't know and i am so sorry that i don't know," dad sighed with the saddest look i'd ever seen on his face as i just gulped and nodded my head slowly

turning my head away to the empty hallway, i noticed who i recognised to be one of dr callahan's junior oncologists who worked with my wife, dr keating, he looked absolutely devastated and in distress. i decided i'd walk over to him to make sure everything was okay. using the chair to help me stand up, i kicked the pins and needles out of my legs and cracked my back before walking over.

"guys, i'll be back, just wait there, i'm gonna have a chat with dr keating," i muttered as dad widened his eyes, also noticing dr keating as he looked over to laura and my castmates in concern but let me go

"okay, be careful matthew," dad responded as i turned back around and started to walk, nodding my head in response to dad's response

"i will," i whispered once i was out of hearing sight of the group as i softly tapped the junior oncologist on the shoulder as he looked up at me in a little bit of panic as i noticed his blue eyes were no longer blue, they looked as if he had just watched someone die

after tapping him on the shoulder, dr keating jumped at my touch but when his usually bright blue eyes looked into my blue eyes, i could tell something wasn't right. especially considering dr callahan was nowhere in sight. but even more so when dr keating grabbed me and pulled me into a hug, slightly scaring me before shortly after letting out a small cry as i felt my heart smash to the ground. the only patient that i knew that the other junior oncologists who were being mentored by dr callahan were working with was adrienna. i felt my lips and throat dry over, my biggest fear starting to settle in.

"is...is everything okay, doctor keating?" i whispered softly, fearing the worst as dr keating sniffled, trying to speak as he pulled out of the hug

"she's gone, matthew," he softly cried out as i felt my heart sink, the physical pain creating a burning, cracking sensation in my chest as i felt my eyes tear up

"adrienna's dead?" i whisper, trying to confirm what i already knew was confirmed as i saw his head nod as i tried to hold back an ugly sob that was building up in my throat

"uhh, yeah *sniffle* sorry... she-she was going in and out of consciousness before her body just gave up on itself. the medications dr callahan had given her earlier in the day were slightly different dosages and brands to her regular ones because finally, at the last minute, adrienna had agreed to try to see if it was the medications that were making her sicker so, dr callahan thought if he changed them that maybe she'd get better again. so, since the start of this week, dr callahan and the rest of us had been trialling this new medication with her in hopes that it would work but, it-it didn't *sniffle* i am so sorry matthew... we, we didn't think the medication would cause her to overdose..." dr keating was utterly devastated at losing adrienna which meant that dr callahan and the rest of the team were even more devastated as i clenched my jaw

i couldn't do anything else but close my eyes and cover my face with my hand as dr keating didn't know how to comfort me anymore as i blinked back the tears to no avail as they quickly started to stream down my cheeks.

"please...please don't apologise, dr keating, you guys and dr callahan didn't do anything wrong other than making my wife happier and comfortable whilst she was in the less comforting place you could ever be in," i cried out softly, sniffling a couple of times so my now runny nose wouldn't make a mess

i then turned around to see my dad, my castmates aj, shemar, paget, thomas, joe and adam, their partners and me and my wife's families all together in the waiting room. they all looked so anxious and hopeful, just wondering what was going on in regard to adrienna and why they were still just waiting with no answers.

"thanks, matthew, that-that really makes me feel better and would genuinely make the rest of the team feel better," dr keating whispers as we both wiped our tears as discreetly as we could

"it's my pleasure, doctor, because it's truth, doctor callahan's team made all the difference for my wife and made sure she was always taken care of, especially when i wasn't here," i spoke softly, managing a small smile of gratitude as i then looked over to my dad and the rest of the group as they tried to calm alania, adrienna's older sister which just destroyed me even more and made me feel a certain pain that i'd never wish for anyone to feel

how was i going to tell them?

it seemed as if dr keating could read my mind however, "do you want me to tell them, matthew?" dr keating then asks, suddenly realising whom i was looking at, making me look back over to him as i furrowed my eyebrows

"you sure, doctor? i-i can tell them if it's easier," i responded as my eyes grew bigger as doctor keating shook his head and ushered me with his head to follow me over to the waiting room where it was just the group for adrienna that was waiting in there

"no, matthew, i'll tell them, it is my job after all. i was adrienna's second oncologist, after doctor callahan, so, the least i could do is save you the trouble and a lot more tears if i say it over you," doctor keating smiled small, a travel-size pack of kleenex pulled out of the pocket of his scrubs, handing them over to me as i chuckle slightly as i take them from him, placing them in my jacket pocket knowing that it wouldn't take too long until they'll be of great use

"thanks, umm, thanks again, doctor keating," i responded back with a small smile, one of my hands resting in the jacket pocket that had the pack of tissues whilst the other one rested comfortably and we then walked over to the awaiting group as they stood up with hopeful looks

it goddamn almost killed me to see all of my best friends and my family look so hopeful in the news about my wife and, it was so hard not to break down. most especially when i caught eye contact with my sister-in-law, adrienna's sister, alania, her hopeful look killed me tenfold as i fought so hard at shaking my head no at her. i tried so hard but, the look, that alania showed me back gave me the impression that she already knew what doctor keating was going to say and i was pretty confident that, that also broke my heart even more.

"is adrienna okay, doctor? do you have any news on her? is...is my sister alive?" alania then questioned, my heart breaking at hearing her begging for her sister to be alive as doctor keating and i looked at each other before we took in some deep breaths

"alania, guys, there is no easier way of saying this to you all as i know how much you mean to adrienna and how much she means to you but as i've already told matthew; adrienna has passed away..." doctor keating spoke softly and with the same tone that he spoke to me in as a switch flipped in the group - their hopefulness now shattered as alania sobs and practically falls to the ground as i watched the way my sister followed her down to the ground and wrapped her arms around her and into a hug

"and, the reason why she passed away was because of the new medication trial we had been giving adrienna since the start of this week in the hopes that it was her old medication that was making her sick and not cancer itself. the medication that doctor callahan tried to explain to you guys but wasn't able to. in a short summary, it was a trial medication that was of a different dosage to her old and original medication in the hopes it would help but, it wasn't the medication making her sick at all like we thought it was. so, basically, it wasn't cancer that caused the death but an accidental overdose of the trial medication that had been administered to her over an hour ago," doctor keating explained, his hands resting inside his nurse scrubs as i felt my heart break a second time if that was even logically possible, alania crying hysterically into my sister's shoulder as everyone else just looked as if they had disassociated so they could momentarily ignore the grief they were feeling - not something i ever want to see again because it was not my favourite sight at all

"so, it...it didn't hurt her?" alania softly questions like a small child, managing to compose herself as i gulped, my hand reaching into my jacket pocket to grab a couple of tissues, one more me and one for alania

alania should not have even had to of asked that question about her younger sister, whether or not it hurt for her to die.

"no, it didn't hurt her at all, alania. it was the least painful death, she couldn't feel a single thing, it was as if she was falling asleep. you'll be able to visit her soon but, she just needs to be dealt with by our in-home coroner and then you'll be able to see her and say your goodbyes..." doctor keating speaks softly as he personally comforts each person, a hand on their shoulder and a handshake or hug, completely depending on what they chose as he spoke up again

"once again, everyone, on behalf of me and the rest of doctor callahan's team, we are so terribly sorry and our condolences go out to you guys and everyone else that was personally affected by adrienna. but most especially to matthew, her husband and the rest of her family. i have to, unfortunately, go now as i have more patients of doctor callahan's to deal with but, i will see you guys later, i promise," doctor keating smiled and brought me in for a hug after grabbing my hand and squeezing it, bringing me a surge of comfort as within seconds, he was back down the halls of the hospital, off to doctor callahan's other patients

this was when it all came tumbling down around me, finally smacking me in the face that i was about to say my final goodbye to my wife and she wasn't even going to be able to squeeze my hand or comfort me like she used to be able to do. bringing the tissue up to my face, i just cried and cried, my left arm wrapped around my waist whilst my right hand covered my face with the balled-up tissue. i absolutely hated crying in the hospital because it always happened but, now, it was the final time i was ever going to be in this hospital and i won't even be able to bring my wife out of there alive and that stung.

almost immediately, dad pulled me in for a hug, "oh, buddy, i am so sorry, matthew," he was strong in his hug but absolutely weak in his words as he tried to soothe me but refused to let me go

"she's gone, dad," i whimpered into his shoulder as my body wracked with sobs, making dad hug me even tighter as the group watched on

it had then been decided that we wanted to leave the hospital, making doctor keating and doctor callahan aware that we were going to come in early tomorrow morning to farewell adrienna for, there was no way we were all emotionally inept to do it tonight. which allowed us a day in between to process everything and really allow the grieving process to begin for us all. they had both agreed in letting us do our farewells tomorrow and, now, i sat on the couch, tears streaming down my face still, as i became fidgety with my wedding ring, making the decision to make an instagram post of a few photos of my wife and me. not just because i knew it would bring me some comfort but because i knew that the criminal minds fans and just general fans of my wife and i, would also wish to know about my wife and what happened to her.

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye

liked by alaniawalsh, shemarmoore, kirstenvangsness, thomasgibsonofficial, joemantenga and 985,21k others

gublergram whilst it absolutely breaks my heart to even write this caption and post it, it is with a heavy heart that i have to announce that my beautiful wife, adrienna gubler has sadly lost her battle with leukaemia and died in the late hours of tuesday the 5th of july at 8 pm in the nevada cancer centre of nevada general hospital in las vegas. adrienna was the absolute love and light of my life, she truly made me the happiest man i could have ever been. adrienna never ever failed to make me laugh and make me feel like i was the only person on the planet. i was always the centre of the universe and so was everyone else that my wife loved and adored. whilst it does hurt my heart to even think about it, the filming for the new season of criminal minds will be postponed for at least another month, so we al apologise for any inconvenience this has caused. adrienna has always said since the start of her cancer diagnosis that if she was ever to die due to cancer or because of her medication that she would rather the show be postponed by at least a month than for me and the cast and crew to work whilst grieving her loss. and that wish of hers has been granted and as i write this post, the cast and our crew are having to sort out all the public announcements in regard to our reasoning for the postponement of the filming.

adrienna may have only been my wife for a year and two months but they were the best fourteen months of my entire life. she truly didn't care if she was only my wife for a week or forever, as long as we were able to have our wedding with her breathing properly and well enough to the point where she didn't need any help from breathing tubes or having to be wheeled everywhere in a wheelchair, she was happy with the way we got married. and, our wedding day is a day i'll never be able to forget even if i tried. i had never seen adrienna look so happy and relaxed until the day of our wedding. she just looked like an absolute angel and just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes because i know that whilst she is no longer here, she is still my wife and, i'm always going to love her, even if i do end up dating, proposing to, marrying and then have their kids with, i'm always going to talk about the first girl that i ever loved because she showed me what it was like to love because she is the definition of love. whilst my heart does hurt right now and will probably hurt for a while, i know i'll eventually be able to wake up every day and smile. but for now, i'll cry and i'll be sad and that's also okay.

i love you forever and always, adrienna gubler. i'll never forget you because you were simply unforgettable and the true girl of my dreams, sleep tightly my angel.

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alaniawalsh adrienna absolutely loved you so much matthew and this was a beautiful tribute to her. i hope you never stop posting about her, even when you find the new love of your life, love you goob 🤍

gublergram alaniawalsh thank you, alania and i hope i don't stop posting or talking about her either, she truly was the one for me, even if i do find someone new. i love you too alania 🤍

shemarmoore love you pretty boy. anything you need, i got it, as do the entire criminal minds family. adrienna loved you so much and she'd do anything for you! my heart aches for you 🤍

gublergram shemarmoore i love you too shemar and thank you, my heart aches as well 🤍

kirstenvangsness reading this makes my heart ache for you matthew. adrienna will never be forgotten and never forget how much she absolutely loved you and doted over you every single day

gublergram kirstenvangsness writing this made my heart ache. and i know she won't be forgotten and i know i'll never ever forget how much she loved me because she made sure to remind me all the time

thomasgibsonofficial i'm heartbroken for you, matthew. we are all here to support you. we loved you both so much so anything you need, we'll take care of it because if anything, the only thing that's important right now is taking this month off from our filming schedule to grieve your wife so, fuck the show right now, don't even worry about it. i love you forever, matthew!

gublergram thomasgibsonofficial i am heartbroken as well thomas. and thank you so much, this means so much to hear and i love you too, thomas!

joemantenga she'll never be forgotten, matthew. adrienna was perfect and she was so loved by every single person that encountered her.

gublergram joemantenga i know she won't joe. and she was perfect and so very loved

username oh, matthew, i am so sorry my love! my heart breaks for you with this news, adrienna was an absolute angel. sending my love to the entire family 🤍

gublergram username thank you love, and my heart breaks having to even make this post and read all these comments even though they are so healing at the same time 🤍

pagetpagetgram adrienna will never be forgotten, matthew and i promise you that, as does everyone else that knew her and loved her every single day!

gublergram pagetpagetgram no, she won't be forgotten paget! i'll never let her be forgotten and i don't think you guys would allow me to forget her either!

liked by gublergram, pagetpagetgram, thomasgibsonofficial, ajcook, aishataylor and 82,34k others

alaniawalsh i can't even believe i'm writing this but i have to and it breaks my soul into pieces. as you all would have seen from my lovely brother-in-law's post, my sister adrienna gubler died from a medical overdose of chemo medication at the nevada cancer centre in the late hours of tuesday the 5th of july at 8 pm. and not at all in this post am i bashing my sister's oncologists or the hospital, it was not their fault at all as to why my younger sister overdosed and i will not tolerate any comments that may suggest that that is what happened because that is anything but what happened. my sister died because she willingly decided, like she put her own hand up, last minute to give a medical trial one last try and see if it was her old medication that was making her even more ill than she already was and was on a new medication this last week which unfortunately is the reason why she passed away, not because of medical negligence or anything of that sort.

my little sister, adrienna amelia rose walsh gubler was a beautiful girl. she was always a happy, fun, crazy little girl that always wanted to make other people smile and be happy like she was. she was fifteen when she met her future husband, matthew gray gubler and ever since that first meeting, had been inseparable so, that's why it's even more heartbreaking that they were only given the chance to be married for fourteen months, only a year and two months. my heart absolutely breaks for you, matthew, that you had to lose your beautiful, angelic wife so early in your guys' marriage. it's absolutely not fair and i only wish it didn't happen. but if you do choose, later down the line or whenever you feel it's right to do so, fall in love with somebody new, just know that it's absolutely fine! you deserve to be happy and fall in love again, and there are no rules on how quickly or slowly how you do that. you are still so young that i promise you, one day, you'll find another beautiful girl and you'll fall in love all over again like you did with my sister.

and i hope you know matthew, that you are still a part of the walsh family, even though your wife and our sister and daughter are no longer alive with us anymore. you will always be my brother and you will always be my parents' son and that will not change, not even when you fall in love again. i will adore you until the end of time matthew and i know my parents share the same sentiment and if there is ever a time you need us, we are always a phone call or a message away. we love you goober 🤍

all of these photos that you see in this post are all of the best moments of adrienna. and yes, even the photo of my sister in the hospital is the best moment of her and this is why. even though the photo may not look it, throughout all of her chemo treatments and transfusions and other things, adrienna never failed to have a smile on her face and have a little dance and that was even if she was very sick or tired, she always managed to be happy and still feel blessed that she was still alive and well enough to get those treatments and transfusions. but, i do have to say that whenever adrienna and matthew were together, that was when they were both the happiest and the most alive. when they were together, it was like royalty had entered the room, that's how it was like when adrienna and matthew were together. i love you so much adrienna amelia rose walsh gubler, they'll never be an adrienna gubler like you ever again. rest easy my sweet angel 🤍

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gublergram bawling my eyes out reading this alania. this was so sweet of you! this means the world to me and more! these photos really do show the best moments of adrienna. love you more alania 🤍

alaniawalsh gublergram i was bawling my eyes out writing it! and of course matthew, nothing will take you out of our family, especially not another girl. and i really do love those specific photos so that was why i chose them 🤍

pagetpagetgram oh, alania, this was a gorgeous post to your sister! just like you did her, she talked about you all the time 🤍

alaniawalsh pagetpagetgram thank you paget and i know, there were a few times that i overheard her talking about me and it warmed my heart every time 🤍

thomasgibsonofficial adrienna was always so beautiful and these photos truly show that beauty. love you so much alania 🤍

alaniawalsh thomasgibsonofficial she really was thomas, she was the definition of beauty and these photos really do show them. love you too thomas 🤍

ajcook your sister loved you so much alania. and your loving words to matthew are tearjerking and i know just how much it means to him reading that!

alaniawalsh ajcook i know she did, aj, she loved you guys as well! and thank you, i just want him to know and to never forget that he still has us as a family no matter what because he always will 🤍

aishataylor my heart breaks at reading this alania! your sister was gorgeous and she still looked beautiful when getting her chemotherapy and she truly loved you and matthew so much. sending all my love to you and your family 🤍

alaniawalsh aishataylor thank you for the words aisha and she did love us a lot, she had so much love in her 🤍

username i'm sobbing reading this and matthew's post. adrienna was truly one of a kind and was such a beautiful girl. and she truly does look beautiful when she's in hospital and that blows my mind. and it makes me so happy to hear that matthew's still a part of your family 🤍

alaniawalsh username i was the same reading matthew's as well love and writing my own didn't help me either and she was one of a kind. and matthew was always going to be a part of our family, even if it did come to the unfortunate possibility of adrienna's premature death and the possibility of him finding someone else because we've known matthew since he and adrienna were fifteen so there is no way we'd close our door on him after so many years 🤍

criminalminds we all love you so much alania. just like matthew is a part of your family, you are a part of our family. anything you need, we will give it to you 🤍

alaniawalsh criminalminds love you more criminal minds and thank you so much, that means a lot and i know you guys aren't just saying that too 🤍

- - -

phew, this was a lot! and yes, i did have alania, adrienna's sister, reply to the official criminal minds insta account, don't @ me, it's hilarious!

ok ily bye xx

wc; 10227

#criminal minds cast #matthew gray gubler x reader #angst #aj cook #shemar moore #paget brewster #joe mantenga #thomas gibson #kirsten vangsness

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alls-fair-in-pride-and-prejudice · 9 minutes

Text

Silver Stars - pt 7 of Weaving Constellations

Part 1 / Part 6

This is an ongoing story of Gale and my warlock Tav building off canon. If you'd like to be added to the tag list to get notified of new parts you can go here.

A/N: In the first ever story I wrote Lyra for (before she even had a name and was just 'The Astronomer'), she developed her own magical powers without the aid of a patron, but her relationship to her magic teacher was so much like a patron/warlock pact that when I used her as a base for a DnD character, I chose warlock. However, in BG3 I really wanted to use the sorlock build, and this worked well for the journey I wanted her character to go on, so I'm very happy to explore this in fanfic since it isn't a thing in game for anyone to notice that you get scales and sorcerer powers overnight.

Tag List: @vespaer77

When Lyra wakes, the first thing she takes note of is that everything itches. She starts scratching where the itching is worst: her cheeks and down her neck. At the first few scratches she freezes in panic. That's not what skin feels like.

Her stomach turns at the thought that she might be transforming. Her mind reels, wondering what she should do. Her immediate instinct is to run to Gale, as he seemed rather informed on the process before, and he's less likely to kill her outright like Lae'zel is, but what if the others have transformed as well? What if Lyra loses control around the others and hurts them?

She runs through the list of companions in her mind, trying to deduce which one is least likely to kill her in shock, but also which one Lyra is least likely to hurt should she lose control.

Karlach. She's a trusted friend and that girl can survive anything.

Lyra peeks out of her tent. The sky is just beginning to lighten. It seems Lyra has woken early. She creeps to Karlach's tent, finding the tiefling sprawled out on her bedroll. Lyra almost makes the mistake of nudging her awake, and instead whispers urgently to get her attention. “Karlach! Karlach, I need your help."

Karlach mumbles sleepily. "Sparkles? Wha’s wrong?” She rubs her bleary eyes, sitting up slightly to look at Lyra. Whatever she sees, it wakes her up quickly. “Woah, what happened to you??"

Lyra buries her face in her hands in shame. "Oh gods am I transforming? I need to get out of camp. Tell the others what happened, okay? And that I hope you all stay alive and-”

"Soldier, hang on!” Karlach interrupts. "You- have you seen yourself yet? Last I checked mindflayers don't have scales. Got a good look at several up close so I should know. These are more… like dragon scales really.”

Lyra's brow furrows, and she can feel the way the scales on her skin shift and crinkle with the expression. “But…but I'm not…”

"Sparkles, have you got dragon ancestry???”

"How in the nine hells would I know? My parents didn't mention anything, they were just… humans.”

They were bards though, naturals really at weaving magic into their works. Her mother said it was a family trait, that they have always had an inclination for the more intuitive forms of magic.

Still, why choose to show itself now? She's in danger and under stress surely, but if that were the case wouldn't it have emerged on the nautiloid?

Lyra thinks of the magic that Gale showed her, how it came from within her, and felt so at home.

Well, trials and experimentation, that's what any good scholar will do. She attempts to summon some form of magic that does not come from her patron. She can sort it out easily, that glittery fae glamor that has settled in her soul, and she tries to dig deeper. The first element that comes to mind is cold. The deep frosts that never melt and mists over snow capped mountains. This is not just deeper in her soul, this is ancient.

She directs it outwards to a nearby rock, and discovers with delight as it and the surrounding grass are immediately covered in a layer of frost.

“That wasn't my pact magic, Karlach…” Lyra murmurs with growing delight.

"Are you-”

"I think I'm a sorcerer.”

"Silver dragon, if the scales are anything to go by.”

"What am I going to tell the others?” Lyra asks, suddenly panicked.

“Uh, something like ‘good news everyone I've got even more magic than I thought!’ Pretty sure they'll all take that well.”

Wizards and sorcerers have a notorious rivalry. Lyra hopes this won't change her relationship with Gale.

And oh gods what will her patron say.

Lyra buries her face in her hands, taking a deep breath before putting on a smile. “Yeah, you're right. This is good news! I can't wait to tell everyone."

Lyra goes back to her tent, testing out the feel of these newly awakened powers in her, and rehearsing what she's going to say. She also conjures a few additional cantrips, based on what feels right inside her, just to be absolutely certain this is sorcery.

It definitely doesn't feel like her pact magic. This feels so distinctly her, and it wouldn't make sense anyway for her patron to bestow new powers on her when he hasn't been speaking to her.

Once she can hear the sounds of breakfast beginning in camp, she emerges from her tent. Gale is scrambling some eggs over the fire, his back turned towards her. The first to notice her is Astarion, his eyes that instinctually scan his surroundings landing on her, and he hides any surprise that shows on his face right away. Karlach looks up next, grinning ear to ear. The exhaust vents on her shoulders seem to be working overtime. “Good morning everyone… I uh… have an announcement of sorts.”

Wyll, Shadowheart, and Lae'zel all look up now, varying degrees of surprise and intrigue on their faces, but Gale keeps his eyes on his task, focused on fishing out a bit of eggshell that fell in the pan. "Good morning, Lyra, don't mind me I am all ears."

“Yes, please do elaborate on this most fascinating development," Astarion purrs, eyes flicking from Gale to Lyra. Of course he would enjoy the drama.

“Well, I uh, I have Gale to credit for this, in part, I suspect. You see, he gave me a lesson on channeling the weave last night. And…it just made so much sense. All the way down to my bones. And uh… well I woke up different, as you can see."

“You are blessed to have draconic blood in your veins, an honor that will serve you well in battle. A pity it was not a red dragon, I would have liked to see you sear the flesh of our enemies," Lae’zel remarks.

“This is quite the adjustment to come to terms with, I'm sure, are you sure you're alright to retrieve the druid today?" Wyll asks.

“Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm…better than fine really."

Gale looks up from the pan, first at everyone else sitting around the fire, “Wait, have I missed something? What is this about draconic blood-" he turns to look at Lyra and his eyes go wide. “Ah, that… that would explain it."

Lyra feels her face heat in shame at the way he looks at her. “Does…I haven't had a chance to see my reflection yet, actually. I've only gone off feel and what Karlach told me before everyone else woke up… does it…how do I look?”

“They're like diamonds," Gale breathes, “like the stars themselves have embedded in your skin." He clears his throat, ducking his head. “That is to say, it suits you. I am glad, most glad indeed, to have been a catalyst in unlocking a connection to the weave. A quite different one, than I experience, to be certain, but a connection nonetheless."

Lyra’s cheeks heat for an entirely different reason now, and she smiles bashfully. “I'm still working out these powers. I'll probably rely on what I know today, but they still might come in handy. I feel… stronger. More alive, more myself."

“I can confidently say we are all happy for you, and not just because unlocking new powers will help the rest of us survive this ordeal," Shadowheart jokes.

After they have rescued the druid, and received more questions than answers, then endured the grueling endeavor of fighting a horde of goblins - though with a few well-placed words to the spiders in the cages, and a cunning deal with the ogres, it is certainly easier than it could have been - Lyra is completely spent. The last thing she wants to do is have a party. She would much rather fall on her bedroll and sleep for a day or two, or at the very least curl up with a book by the river and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Yet, she cannot say no to the tieflings. They have suffered so much and deserve a night of happiness before they return to the dangers of the road. Wyll has stolen her planned brooding spot by the lake, he certainly needs it more than she does, she concludes, so she seeks out Shadowheart at the farthest reach of camp, far enough away from the noise of the party to perhaps enjoy a drink.

Then Shadowheart makes a remark about Gale making “eyes" at her, whatever that means. Surely he would not have such intentions, knowing what he knows. Yet still, Lyra, for once, does not feel complete annoyance at the prospect that he would be interested in her. She could never reciprocate, of course, but she admires him enough now that she finds it more flattering than disappointing, and the only downside is that it would interfere with their friendship.

She weaves her way through the party goers, stopping to offer some inspiration to Alfira and check in with Zevlor. Gale smiles warmly at her approach, then returns his gaze to the stars. "It's a beautiful night,” he reflects, "nothing like a brush with danger to make you appreciate the majesty of the celestial canvas.”

Lyra, forever a lover of the stars, sidles up to Gale to see what he sees. Perhaps to point out which constellation they look at. He clears his throat, shifting just slightly at her closeness. "This is a view I once would have enjoyed with my companion, though certainly unaccompanied by such revelry. She preferred it when we were alone, curled up by the fireplace, an esoteric time between us, ink glinting in the firelight."

Ah, of course, Lyra remembers Mystra, and steps to give him some distance. Perhaps Gale has sensed that his behavior has been interpreted as romantic, and this is his way of reminding Lyra his heart belongs to another. “Given what you've told me of her, I'm surprised Mystra would enjoy such simple mortal pleasures."

Gale's eyes widen. “Oh! No no, you misunderstand. I speak of Tara, my tressym, my assistant, and my constant companion through all the trials my hubris has wrought upon me.” He smiles, looking out at the party and the revelers. "She would be impressed by our efforts today, I think, in saving these people. Proud, even.”

He tells her more about Tara, and Lyra is happy to listen. She once spent some time in Waterdeep, and wonders absentmindedly if in another life she might have helped Gale with his condition sooner. They probably never would have met in less unusual circumstances, a proud archmage and a magic school dropout, but Lyra finds that helping him now feels insufficient. She wishes she could reach into Gale's past and ease the pain that occurred before they met, especially when he seems to remark with a guilty tone about how long he has spent dependent on other's help. "It feels good to help someone else, even if it is not true repayment to you or Tara.”

Gale looks down at his wine glass, swirling the contents. "Have you heard from your patron? Since that…debacle with the fey artifact.”

Lyra shakes her head, pulling her arms close to herself in something resembling a hug. "No, I haven't. It's… it's a good thing I have tapped into my draconic ancestry, since I may not be able to develop my warlock powers any further. If he leaves, I'll still have what he gave me, but the waiting is…"

“I know what you mean, that dragging emptiness as you're uncertain what any next day may bring. I truly regret the situation I have put you in, and I am infinitely grateful that you chose to help me. I only wish I could repay you, but I shall endeavor to do so in every way I can."

“Your magic lesson already provided me with a replacement to Midnight's power, so on that front I would consider us even." Lyra strokes at the small collection of scales that sit on the back of her hands. The situation may have also lost her Midnight's love, but she chooses not to mention that.

“Then please, feel free to avail yourself of my expertise and tutelage any time it strikes your fancy. Consider myself at your disposal as your personal tutor every night from here to Moonrise.”

“You may come to regret saying that,” Lyra teases, “I was notoriously insatiable for knowledge in school, to the annoyance of many teachers I’m sure wished to only go home at the end of a long day.”

“I can relate,” Gale says with a chuckle, “and I suppose that is a risk I am willing to take, for such a dear friend.”

Friends. It is a word that carries such warmth behind it, something Lyra hasn’t felt in a long time. She looks out at the celebration, realizing that she has friends. Actual friends. Not classmates, not a patron, not lovers… friends.

Despite all the turmoil it took to get here, and all that lies ahead, it’s a good feeling. It’s almost worth it.

Her tadpole wiggles in recognition and she looks over to Gale, meeting his gaze. They establish a subtle link and the feelings she receives from Gale are almost identical to hers, so close in fact that she almost mistakes them for her own feelings. She leans in closer to him, shoulders bumping against each other as she turns her gaze out to the party with a new view, looking out at the joyful celebration with two sets of eyes. “You’re right… It is a very nice night.”

#alls fair creations #oc lyra #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale x tav #gale x oc #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 tav

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