#gifsets that maybe only make sense in my head? who knows
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did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? time went on for everybody else, she won't know it.
#btvsedit#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#dawn summers#dawnsummersedit#gifs#gifsets that maybe only make sense in my head? who knows#anyway i made myself sad lol#image descriptions in the alt#* mine#this is literally her song but only if you recontextualize it entirely
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Gah see the one thing I can't do with the EDAs, and it drives me up the wall nuts, no matter how much I do agree that they are meant to be books and that's the point of them, that they only metatextually and even thematically work as books, and obscure forgotten books at that - the one thing is, I can't make vids. Gifsets either. God, you have no idea how much I wish I could vid this series.
So many things, so many astonishing visuals and cinematic parallels, so much I want to string together in a coherent form and I can't, I just can't. Like, the actual factual thing that caused me to fucking Mandela-effect myself into misremembering the series as a 90s tv show in the first place was imagining a fanvid about Fitz's fashion sense set to Macklemore's Thriftshop, of all fucking things, BUT. While yes, obviously that would be a work of unrivaled genius, it's not just that. Over the years it's become this endless want, this constantly seeing gifsets and screencaps and vids, vids, above all else, vids, of all the different moments there are.
There is (of-fucking-course) a blog (at least one, but maybe many more) dedicated exclusively to making gifsets of every time destiel touch each other in all contexts. Of fucking course there is. I scream with envy over this because like. That could be us, if only the EDAs had any footage at all, but it's a goddamn (brilliant, daft, exceedingly stupid) BOOK SERIES instead. Every time Eight/Fitz touch? Fitz is in fifty books and they are both extremely touchy; you could absolutely dedicate an entire fucking tumblr blog to making a gifset of each of those moments; you'd be making gifs for fucking years.
I want to bestow upon them the highest honor I could give: a fanvid about their insane nutso relationship set to Vienna Teng's Never Look Away. I want a Sam vid set to Marina's Oh No! I want an Eight vid to the Indigo Girls' Galileo. I can see all these so so clearly and I want to share them with the world. I want a gifset of thematic uses of the color red in Sam's early books episodes books. I want to hear Sail on Sailor and know how the fuck the diagetically composed Dr Who theme would actually sound on violin or acoustic guitar, with its unspeakably tender lyrics. I want someone's painstakingly color-corrected, digitally restored, hi-res slo-mo shot of Fitz in his princess fairy tale wedding dress flying around on a jetpack.
Like they are books and they're supposed to be books and it's significant to what the silly things are trying to say, and also quite frankly there is no way in hell any doctor who ever, even now, could pull off even half the shit they got away with via the infinite budget of the page, and they certainly could not have made say, YIT in the 90s and have it look anything but silly and cheap when it needed to look real, BUT. I wish I could see it. I wish I could make the vids I see playing in my head when I reread these silly, edgy, annoyingly smug, painfully earnest, wildly creative and visually stunning FUCKING books.
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@ ur tags on that excellent gifset: i got into this show for joe keery and i have every gator-related tag blacklisted because the tiktok thirst girlies are so tiring fhdvdgs. anyway if you have thoughts/theories on munch i cant stop thinking about him and wondering what the hell his deal is
hey! yeah, i really like joe and think he's doing a great job in the show, but i've also found the tags a bit overwhelming due to the influx of his fans, especially as a more longtime fargo enjoyer. i tentatively tagged gator at first on those sets and was met with just. way too many people only reblogging for him and ignoring munch, so i untagged to try and avoid some of that and added that comment as a disclaimer so ppl wouldn't think i was intentionally ignoring him/trying to be a hater lol
as for my thoughts on munch...
if you’re new to fargo, there’s always one weird supernatural element to every season (a character implied to be the devil himself in s1, ufos in s2, purgatory in s3, a family curse involving ghosts in s4), and munch is definitely that element this season. i feel like the show itself leaves it up to interpretation whether or not the audience chooses to believe munch is actually the same person/a reincarnation of the 16th century sin eater, but sam spruell takes it pretty literally and a lot of my thoughts about munch are mostly just based around what he’s said about the character. regardless of what you prefer to believe about his identity, munch is meant to represent the underclass and how they are forced to suffer because of/bear the weight of the sins of people in power, like roy
he’s presumably lived his entire life trapped in a cycle of poverty and crime, and a desire for some kind of reprieve from all of his suffering is what's led him to the old woman, irma, who sam’s described as someone who’s also experienced significant hardship and abuse throughout her life (really great insight from sam and noah hawley about that and munch in general in this article!). he said munch started staying there with the hope that the two could look after each other, but based on the next episode trailer and other big spoilers that have been shared online, that dream’s about to come crashing down big time. 😬 hopefully irma makes it out okay, but at least one minor (as of yet unintroduced) character’s dying at her house next ep and i think it’ll likely end with munch capturing gator and being the one who’s leading him around on that rope, as seen in the trailers. dot’s also heading to the tillman’s, so it’s possible their storylines will finally converge again soon
a mutual and i were just chatting about this the other day, but i would definitely love if he ends up teaming up with dot and potentially goes out with some sort of sense of peace or absolution by helping take down the tillmans. he seems really reverent whenever he refers to her as a tiger and, given the season’s theme of debt and munch’s code about honoring debt, i wouldn’t be surprised if he considers himself somewhat indebted to her for choosing to spare his life when she could have killed him at the gas station, especially with how much they lingered on her standing over him in that scene
alternatively, assuming he gets no peace/absolution, i’d also like if they at least kept the mystery around his character alive with a more ambiguous death? the show itself treats him as some sort of strange specter, implying he’s immortal with the flashback and having witt joke that the gas station cameras couldn’t have captured munch even if they had been working because he’s like a ghost. so, maybe something like him appearing to die, but upon returning to the scene later his body is missing without explanation, similar to the gas station scene, continuing to leave his true nature and his ending up to the audience’s interpretation (obvs would also love it if he vanished without being mortally wounded at all too)
that’s what I would LIKE, anyway, but you never know with fargo! my favorite character last season got sucked up into a tornado lol. there are no shots of munch in the trailers beyond the next ep, and it’s always possible he could die sooner than expected or in a much more villainous or anticlimactic way than i’m imagining! either way, he's already climbed his way to the very top of my list of fargo faves
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Hi, hello, hi. I have a question that was triggered by that beautiful prom gif set you just reblogged. And since I still, months later, have a post from you stuck in my head- The Brian Kinney one about his education and how he became The Brian Kinney- I can’t help but to ask you. The pause!!! What do you think would’ve happened between Britin and with Brian after prom had the bashing not happened? I mean Brian got in the car and was all smiley and looking in the mirror to watch Justin!! And the PAUSE! And now I am going through a million feelings because of the what ifs.
Hello dear sweet anon! Thank you for your patience while I gave this question some thought.
First off, let us acknowledge and thank @sophsun1 for this incredible gifset that captures THEE MOMENT
Everyone go reblog it and show it some love.
So I think the first question here is why did Brian show up at prom? I think he showed up to make Justin happy. Which is not something Brian is known for, right? But here is this kid who has "snuck in under the wire" (I know that's S2 but it's no less true here) and Brian wants to do something to make him happy. Just purely for his happiness. And it will make Brian happy - you pointed out he's all smiley - and isn't that the kicker? He found someone that making him happy makes Brian happy. Not Justin makes Brian happy (little nod to my beloved OFMD, RIP), but making Justin happy makes Brian happy. I think that's important.
I think what Brian is communicating here (and, importantly, Justin is understanding) is those three words that Justin spent later seasons wanting so badly.
So I think Justin would have felt more reassured in Brian's love than he did in S2. I think he always wanted to feel like his place was with Brian and of Brian's own volition. I know Brian says during their negotiation about "coming home to you" but I think that gets lost in Brian's tugging to keep some of his freedoms.
I think Brian would be less trigger shy about doing romantic gestures for Justin after prom. I think prom proved to Brian his worst fears - if you make yourself vulnerable and admit to loving someone, it will only hurt you (and what's the best way to hurt Brian? Hurting Justin).
I think Justin would have been more confident about his place in Brian's life both feeling like he was truly wanted there (not just there because he got bashed) and because he had this irrefutable proof of Brian's feelings. Yes, he's heard about the romantic dance and the kiss from Daphne but she wasn't by the Jeep and I don't know if she would have picked up on the significance of The Pause.
Let's talk about that, actually. When has Brian ever paused? When has he ever, in a sexual context, sought someone's eyes before kissing them? (Not to imply that Brian didn't get consent.) Never. He is not the type of guy to pause. He barrels forward. I don't think the pause is insecurity or even about consent, it's "we're on the same page here, right? okay? All those things you said that I felt, you were right. Here I am, baring myself before you you, more naked than being naked (bc lbr naked is not vulnerability to Brian... it wouldn't be to me if I looked like Gale either), showing you my soul. I am trusting you."
The reason this took so long to answer is that I'm completely torn about whether there would have been a break up. Or at least the Ethan break up. Maybe the break up would have looked more like a combination of S2 and S5 break ups. But the other thing? I don't think they would have reunited. I think the bashing is something that ties them together, in a sense. I think without it, with everything more on the surface, without the effects of PTSD on Justin's abilities and his need for Brian's care (and Brian's care bonding him to Justin), Justin would have thought "this is all there is, I've gotten everything I can from him and I need more." But I could be wrong, maybe there would have been zero drama. Justin would have gotten what he needed from Brian the night of prom and they would have lived happily ever after.
This is certainly a fic waiting to be written. I've read fics where the bashing doesn't happen or it's less severe but that's because other circumstances are different. What would happen if canon is canon but the one divergence is the bashing doesn't happen?
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You can take Wesley and Lilah and spin them off as leads of their own show post... I dunno, mid-S4, let's say (maybe Wesley and Lilah leave L.A. after the Beast attacks W&H, you can decide exactly when they leave).
Are there any other buffyverse characters, major or minor or just one-episode characters that would be significant characters on this spin-off as well? What would the general premise be?
Okay, I've decided I'm going to answer this instead of finishing my little gifset (which has literally been talking over my mind all day). I don't know if this was the initial intention of "you can take Wesley and Lilah and spin them off as leads of their own show..." but I really think I read it wrong as took it as a compliment? <3 I really need to came down, lol I swear that is all I ever do. They're the leads of my blog FOR SURE.
(I'm going to put it under the cut because I know it's going to be long and embarrassing)
It's actually funny you should propose this because ever since I was little some bit of my brain decided they did run away together?? I wasn't even really over the beast but they did end up together in my little childhood brain and have been together ever since. Just doing whatever they want and being in love. But honestly, as I have gotten back on the Weslah train I have thought a lot more deeply about this.
I think leaving after the beasts attack is obviously ideal but I also think it is possible after everything has happened. Even though they are dead and serving W&H, who is to to say they can't just fuck-off and leave anyway leading their best undead lives???? I also think they would travel a lot and just be normal about things? Like have a normal life; breakfast in the morning, going to the movies, late night drives on Wesley's motorcycle. I even would want them to be married, nothing big or anything - just at a courthouse and I think Linsey would send Lilah an anonymous note congratulating her (I swear to god I am only sappy and dumb for them, okay?)
It sounds silly and so plain but I just want them to have it all and that would be enough for me. I also think Virginia would be part of it too because I have this little idea in my head that she and Wesley had been in touch and writing letters back and forth. I would want everyone in the buffyverse to be part of it in some way, just to see how far the pair of them have come. And at some point Faith shows up at their door and crashes with them for a few years.
I also have it in my mind that Cordelia bargained with the Powers and everyone got a do-over (because I am a sucker for the early seasons where everyone was alive and together and happy). And at one point the group is trying to figure out where Wesley is and what happened to him, and they go to his house and see him and Lilah cooking breakfast and they see how happy they are together so they just leave him be (but at some point, they all do come together again even if things still are not the same (because I literally have an entire inner workings of Wesley and his trauma and my trauma and even if everything is good it will just not be the same, you know?) But Wesley still helps out from time to time with cases and everyone does get together for major holidays or whatever.
I may or may not be making any sense right now and I know this is becoming very long.
I feel like I should be really embarrassed for what I'm about to say (as I also proceed to tell you with nothing but a NORMAL amount of joy in my heart), but there are also two other scenes I play in my mind constantly and I definitely put myself in them.
The first scene is a court hearing against Wesley/Lilah, W&H, and the Powers; where Wes and Lie have to fight for themselves to be free of their contracts and to be able to be together (on the count of that dumb and pesky good/evil thing). I am literally the star witness in this scenario literally just so I can talk about how in love they are and I would have a huge binder compiled of various blog posts and novel texts, show moments as proof. And I would show my gifs, and go on a huge tangent about Wesley and how he saved Lilah (love saved her) from the beast and how he tried to free her from her contract and it should have worked. And then I would tell Eve that she looks like the person who should be getting everyone's coffee and that she's just jealous because Wesley's given Lilah more orgasms in one night then she's had in her entire life. In my mind and in the scenario I think this is so fucking funny.
Also, when I was a kid I didn't really have friends so I got super fixated on my favorite characters from tv shows and they were my friends. Of course I was so fixated on Wesley and Lilah so they were my friends and we were close, so in this last scenario I imagine us being apart for my years (and somehow not because my ban be from watching the show) and somehow W&H tries to trap Lilah into coming back and I'm going to be used as some virginal sacrifice (which is so silly and weird but it is honestly one of the few things I am good for). But things get worked out and Lilah saves the day (as my hero) because she is a strong and independent woman who doesn't need a job that treats her badly - she is literally stronger and smarter then everyone at W&H. And at one point in this scenario she fights the people of W&H off with a sword because she is a badass baddie and I will forever be in love with that picture of her holding the axe (it's a real crime she didn't get to use it).
I also wanted to add, though, I'm sure you have read it already: the tough get going (out of town) by thinlizzy2 is literally a perfect Wesley/Lilah run away fanfic. I read it a lot and I say it so many time but I get so emotional about the bit with the horses and towards the end where Wesley tells Lilah he loves her ("as his heart fills with pride in her for so many reasons") It is literally one of my TOP Wesley/Lilah fanfics, maybe third. Almost cannon ending because my top fic is til break of day and in continuity of things, that's my cannon ending for them (in terms of fanfic, I wasn't not going to link one and not the other).
#I am so sorry for how long this is#also I don't know if I should apologize for this. but I am sorry for going off and being weird#i have so many scenarios in my head and they literally all jumble together#asks#asks: kylia#about weslah
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Season 3 Episode 4 Thoughts
BI ASHLYN BI ASHLYN BI ASHLYN… (possibly lesbian?? We’ll see)
All of you who called Maddox being gay… you were so, so right
Oh honey, Carlos, your straight dar is so, so very broken. Not only were you wrong about Maddox, but like the stuff about her dating her brother 😭😭 that was painful to listen to
I am by no means, a p*rtwell, but I will give credit where credits is due: I actually really liked the LIAOD duet. Their voices sounded nice together and I enjoyed the beginning with the stripped down piano part. I don’t know that we’ve heard Gina do more of a single instrumental song yet, so hearing her raw voice was beautiful!
My poor baby Kourtney. That hurts my heart seeing her so anxious. Her mom actually gave some pretty sound advice. Removing the “shoulds”… feeling how you should feel? We’ve got removing cognitive distortions and validating emotions. Made my heart happy 🥲
Jet was so angsty and for what 😭😂
Gina was so so cute this episode. She was literally glowing?? Like you could just tell how happy she was and the scene when she helped Kourtney made my heart soft 🥲 I just love seeing her in her happy era compared to last season. It’s a fresh, much needed thing
Along those lines… Ricky is in his happy era?? Well… for the most part. He did walk out a couple times when he was jealous 😬 but like the last few episodes and stuff he just seemed so content with himself and life for the first time in forever? (Pun intended… maybe that’s his and Gina’s song because they have both been THROUGH IT lol). He got his Corbin hug 🥹 and he just seemed like he was just trying his best to make the most of his situation at camp… I think EJ started to get in his head a lot
But also the 80’s villain line from Corbin? 🤣😭😭 comedy GOLD. Who wouldn’t laugh at that?? Lmaooo
Ok again, not a p*rtwell, but I want to make something clear about this next point: I’m not saying this because I’m a rina. I genuinely ship EJ and Val. Or at least am starting too. Val called him out that he’s been having deep, girlfriend talks with her. It’s so easy for him to open up with her. When he is with Gina everything is stiff? Tense? Lack of chemistry? But with Val it seems so easy between them. Like they’ve known each other forever. And she’s in college which is just a bonus on top
It’s interesting we’re addressing Kourt’s anxiety so much but EJ’s feels really brushed over? Like he has no one giving him those pep talks. Instead his dad is putting undue pressure on him. Why is his dad so keen on pushing him? It makes me sad. I think it would be cool to see Kourt use the advice from her mom and give EJ similar advice. They both could use it
I’m not a huge fan of the song “fabulous”. It’s my least favorite from the movies but it was fun watching Carlos and Kourt sing it. Very Ryan and Sharpay of them which they’ve been giving a lot this season 😂
AND NOW: RINA
PINING RICKY PINING RICKY PINING RICKY
I am not sure I even counted this correctly but there were at LEAST 6 or 7 stolen glances, for sure 1 per scene between Ricky and Gina
I can’t even tell you how many times I rewound this episode to see every stolen glance. Someone make a gifset pleaseeeee
I also didn’t expect EJ to say out of pocket things right out the gate like that. Like I knew there would be some contention between the two (predicted it last episode thought rambles) but wowww he was VERY quick to jump on Ricky
And I don’t say that as EJ slander. I think he is under a LOT of stress and doesn’t know how to cope. With his relationship kind of falling under it makes sense he might be lashing. He’s not being nice, but it’s also understandable.
But also, I don’t ~love~ that he was mad at Ricky and Gina being gone because he had every opportunity to go and blew up at them last episode. He did take some accountability for this thought which was good
Also Ricky jumping at the chance to sing LIAOD and the show intentionally said, “NO THIS SONG IS FOR EJ AND GINA TO SING”. It’s literally leaving us no hints at this point that they are not the couple of this show. Like it is very intentional they’re showing EJ as hans in this situation and that he had to be the one to sing it with Gina. But also very cute mr bowen that you wanted to sing about love with her 🥹
Speaking of… isn’t there a rickyxgina duet coming this season possibly? Just saying. We might want to compare the two 😉
I have said it 1000x and I will say it 1000 more: STAGING IS EVERYTHING. They take and retake these scenes so they have to make sure ever prop, placement… everything is exactly where it should be. Notice who seems to be in the middle in multiple ways in the staging? Mr Bowen himself. The movie night was the biggest one screaming it. Like he could have sat anywhere and he sat right in the middle 😭😭😭
Also all of Ricky’s compliments to Gina and him defending her to Jet 😭😭 he is such a protective almost boyfriend I love it sm
AND OMG JET CALLING HIM OUT???? Yeah jet was me and every other rina in that scene 😂 but also, I feel like the “you don’t know the whole story” was set up for more 👀 so then what is the whole story Ricky? Anything to do with another flashback?? With chocolates? Hmmmmmmm???? 🧐🤨📸
(This also fits my Ricky is Hans and Jet is Sven for their “off stage” symbolic characters because Sven called out Kristoff in the movie with sus looks and stuff. He really understood Kristoff in a way no one else- but Anna- did. They’re just this cute friend duo that I love)
Also can I just point out Gina’s laugh in the wishlist part? That was the most GENUINE laugh I heard from any season from her. She just sounded so happy 🥲
RINA HELD HANDS…. AGAIN??? Their parallels do be unmatched to any other couple in the show
I have no idea what kind of drama EJ is going to stir up but I’m SURE it has to do with this triangle for the show. He said it took courage to make something big happen? It just feels like a very Hans thing to say. Oh P*W you are so bones I’m sorry 😭 because Gina said she can’t deal with liars and she was VERY clear. Soooo EJ’s washed
But ALSO SHE CANT DEAL WITH LIARS AND RICKY WALKS OUT??? What is he lying about?? Feelings???? Chocolates????? I mean it makes sense if he did because of Nini a little but I still feel like he would have no reason to lie unless there was more feelings behind why he delivered those to Gina. If he was doing it as a friendly gesture he might have even asked Nini to help? So yeahhhh boy you gonna get caught. But this lie feels… different somehow? Like maybe Gina might get upset but they weren’t dating and things were weird so it kind of makes sense why Ricky didn’t say anything. But he did make her feel stupid so she has every right to be mad? Idk the chocolates conversation could go a LOT of ways if (when) it happens
So yeah… I know that one tik toker who saw the episodes prior said that this episode would have rinas on a “rollercoaster” but I actually don’t feel shaken at ALL. In fact, rina endgame just feels even more solidified. Have I told you guys I love this season yet? Because I LOVE this season
#rina#ricky x gina#ricky bowen#gina porter#pining ricky#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series#late night rambles#season 3#season 3 spoilers#p*rtwell bones
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(yj death anon) thank you for giving me the tally! idk why but i didn’t realize there was two seasons even though i saw the numbers on gifsets lol. which death was the most painful for you? did any of them make you mad? and were any of them disappointing?
i think what hits so hard about a lot of yellowjackets deaths is you see them coming a mile off and you know it's gotta happen but (for me anyway) you love them so much you keep hoping they're gonna hold on a little longer, and when they finally go it's almost a relief to stop having to hope for them. and then you get to watch the surviving characters (emotionally and/or physically) cannibalize that character and the grief just stunts them more and more. so it tends to be emotionally devastating but really enjoyable.
natalie's death was literally just yesterday so i havent wrapped my head around that as much yet and it goes crazy bc shes absolutely always been one of my favorite characters, in both the teen and adult timelines i get so excited every time she's on the screen. so to watch her adult counterpart die and know we're not gonna see her again is definitely a blow and i wonder if i'm going to enjoy the adult timeline as much without her. a lot of ppl are big mad about her death but from a narrative standpoint, i saw it coming, and i wouldn't say it 100% had to happen but i get why they did it.
there are other deaths, like javi for example who we just lost last week, where you really dont want to see it happen and it doesn't feel good but it makes perfect sense within the story. javi's death recontextualized everything we've ever seen about adult natalie and made her make so much sense. in season 1 it was kind of similar with jackie and shauna, where we knew the whole time jackie was going to die but we didn't know how or when - and to see that it was shauna's fault made adult shauna suddenly make so much sense. with javi it's a lot harder for me personally to sit with bc he's really just a kid, i think he's like 14 maybe? so yeah just really really awful to see, i had to look away for some of the scenes dealing with his body.
i think the most painful death tho is shauna's baby, which, you're not even really attached to the baby itself while watching bc you don't get to have any time with it but that episode is so unbelievably painful for shauna, and sophie nelisse (the actress) was truly going for all the fucking awards. shauna at this point has lost and cannibalized her best friend, gone into labor while severely malnourished, hallucinated holding her baby and him being alive and healthy, only to wake up and find that he never lived at all. we see her have a (not fully addressed tbh) bit of a psychotic break where she believes that everyone ate her baby and it's truly so fucking brutal.
one thing tho is that despite the brutality these deaths do not feel gratuitous and i really appreciate that. they make sense within the story and affect the other characters in ways that i can understand.
#anon#answered#yellowjackets#yj spoilers#i didnt wanna make this post any longer but#there are funny deaths as well#like yesterday they also had elijah wood poison a cop and it was so great
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Swinging a bat at a hornet's nest #blessed
Buckle up because I have brakenight thoughts, that one ask wasn't enough, and I just wanna rant about them for a little while…if you like Audrey/Till/brakenight/not being annoyed about stuff I would suggest you don’t read the rest of this. (Ok but please read. I spent a long time making this look nice and reasonable and not like a raging chaos gremlin wrote it, so…) @train-pirate did this first and honestly their's is better but im still gonna say my thing now.
By the way, these are all MY OWN OPINIONS, and don’t count against anyone in the fandom! All my criticism is levied against the writers who made these characters this way. Frankly the writing of the fandom is often better than what the writers put out, so there’s that.
I have problems with this ship and they have only gotten more intense the more I think about it, and the more I see gifsets and the more I see the ways the show could have gone, I’m made more and more mad about by the goddamn day! I need to rant about it and then I won’t say anything more about it (at least not like this). But here are three valid/maybe not so valid reasons I don’t like this ship:
It represents how damn LAZY the writers have gotten.
Honestly nothing about this relationship makes sense and it is so egregiously rushed. in 3x01, Audrey and Till really don’t like each other. Audrey is firmly on Wilford’s side, she’s bitchy and backstabby and generally isn’t very nice to anyone around her. Till doesn’t like her in return; she’s constantly sniping and acting like Audrey is an annoyance (which she is!). And yet, contrast that to 3x10 when Till gives up her CHANCE TO NEW EDEN with all her friends and all her supporters for one girl who a few weeks ago she didn’t even like - and disliked enough to conk her over the head with a hammer, even! And this is the crux of it; the relationship is rushed and unbelievable and hastily cobbled together to give Audrey and Till character development which they couldn’t be bothered to take the long way around for.
Audrey needs a redemption and to become nice again - so instead of apologising to those she has hurt, trying to be better, she just gets slapped with a girlfriend so she can become a soft uwu lesbian. Yay, she's good again, because she spent a few days sadly playing guitar and doing therapy with Till! Yuck.
Till…not sure what they wanted for her but she is the epitome of wasted potential, holy shit. Again I think they just wanted to tie her down a little more, so they give her a relationship that a) she never really gave an indication of wanting and b) with someone she does not deserve to be saddled with. LIKE HELLO? Also she got turned into a soft uwu lesbian as well, like yeah she was a bit naive and innocent before but where the fuck has her character gone?
Fucking…I just…don’t like the soft uwu lesbian trope.
I don’t know why but that trope drives me up the damn wall, and I don’t even have a good reason why. It just icks me out, which is ironic considering that was pretty much all I wrote for a solid six months, if not a year. Idk like…it just seems antithetical to their characters. But that’s just me. Too many puppies and kittens and shit, lol. I don’t like happy stuff (jk)
Way too much! Way too fast!
WHY??? They’ve known each other for six months, sure, but why are they all getting cuddly and deep about their feelings so soon? Honestly they should have made Brakenight be a thing in the pirate train arc, that would have made more sense. Also it just feels like a waste of screentime - so we don’t get Asha but we get this? Sorry, dislike it!
I don't exactly want either of these characters to be alone. That's not a good feeling for any character! (as any Ruth-lover can attest) however I want the characters to be in considered, realistic relationships that seem more respectful to their arcs and journeys and not just shoved together because they happen to be the Only Gays in the Village Death Train. Honestly this is weird because I do actually care about these characters; I wouldn't be so mad if I didn't care about them this much, I just wanted so so much for them and it kills me that they've become the new casualties of lazy and unconsidered writing.
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scream that supernatural gif set like does it not make you want to bark at passing cars though like the first one’s season two the second one’s season THIRTEEN!!! and he’s REGRESSED!!! and they do this on SO many themes but the whole ‘not human is inherently evil’ thing is the one that makes my head want to do a 360 the most they’ll give you one episode that ends in a convo like that where they’re like ‘what if the incredibly black and white conceptions of good and evil we’ve been raised with and upon which the show largely operates… were nuanced?’ and then NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN or even worse have the exact same conversation in like four seasons time as if we’ve forgotten we had this conversation before and then immediately going straight back to ignoring all of the most THEMATICALLY INTERESTING STUFF WE COULD BE EXPLORING IN THIS SHOW like it’s a show about BROTHERS who hunt MONSTERS and one of them is the ANTICHRIST and you’re NOT GONNA INTERROGATE THE NATURE OF GOOD AND EVIL?!?! and like… i suppose in a way there’s probably something very realistic about the fact that every few years dean’s like ‘maybe… dad wasn’t perfect? maybe dad… wasn’t right always about everything?’ and then immediately shoves that revelation back into the Things We Don’t Think About cupboard and ignores it but that’s no fun to watch in a show!!! you Can’t Do fifteen seasons of two guys repeatedly ALMOST coming to the same understandings and then just not! for FIFTEEN YEARS! and especially frustrating because you can feel the hand of the writers so clearly through it like if it was intricate character design that’d be one thing but it’s not it’s the writers repeatedly waving at the opportunity to contend with interesting existential ideas as they sail by it makes me want to chew through my own teeth anyway ANYWAY what i really want is the first five seasons of supernatural but As Written And Directed By Angel if you got to like swoop back in time and be In Charge what would those seasons look like what would Angel’s supernatural be??? i’m still deeply deeply haunted by you saying the only way the gender dynamics could have gotten worse would be if they had an older sister and literally never have truer words been spoken and i know it like wouldn’t have been good it just would have been physically unbearable to watch but also i know if the winchesters had had an older sister i would not have given a single shit about any other character in the show i’d have gone full on ‘the writers don’t get her, i do though’ like it would have done things to my brain i would never have recovered from but it would have been my whole life
oh my god i think the thing that drives me so so crazy about that specific gifset is like. in a sense in season 2 dean is reckoning with his father having taken home something evil until he can figure out how to end it. like exactly what dean says in the last gif in the later seasons ep that's john over sam and dean's whole childhood! he can't leave sam to be in danger or to be a danger. he can't ignore it and settle down. he can't not love sam. he can't love sam. he can't let dean love sam, he can't let dean not love sam. like everything about dean is about sam but in a different way everything about john is about sam and then to intentionally or accidentally just cycle dean into that position and to have sam like hangdog next to him trying to defend jack but at least in that scene being essentially ineffectual vs deans anger in s2 at being unable to reply to john and not even knowing what he would say bcus what if sam IS evil bcus it's not even about sam being evil or not it's about dean being weak or not because john has made himself invulnerable by passing every responsibility and consequence to dean and the way that gets mirrored in sam and dean's relationship....i haven't seen s13 so i cant say how intentional it is but that's why that gifset specifically made me so fucking crazy. as for what i would do with spn i feel like my biggest complaint consistently is they pull in random new characters instead of using the potential of what they already have. like jess could be meg and it would be more impactful mary could overtake adam and it would be more impactful etc etc. and then also timing like the last half of season 2 is so pointless and stretched out and weird bcus i think they were trying to not like? give away too much of the finale? but the finale could easily have been five or six episodes if you structured it differently so yeah i think thematically a lot would stay the same bcus i really do love s1+2 so much...i think the biggest change i would do is deans deal. i think the one year deadline was so weird and like clearly just so they could have this season long story of will they wont they but the they is dean/eternal damnation. i think after spending a whole season establishing that sam is often the moral compass and advocate for compassion it would be SO interesting to drop the double bomb of sam came back wrong/sam doesn't have dean bcus then you really get to like delve into guilt and trauma and human nature yadda yadda and i think it would have been more interesting to actually see sam's time without dean not in flashbacks but also i get why they didn't do that bcus thats basically putting jensen ackles on the unemployment line if you leave hell as it is. if you DON'T if you commit to developing lilith as a character and hell as a location then i think the stakes of sam becoming more demonic really hit harder bcus it's not just oh this is wrong bcus Morality it's like really deeply horrifying to see not just bcus dean is saying it over and over but bcus you see this side by side storylines of dean living hell/sam bringing himself closer to hell trying to save dean. so yeah i think i would have dean get dragged to hell in ahblpt2. i also would nix the whole consenting vessel storyline bcus that came out of nowhere and literally just felt like an excuse to have 20 episodes of back and forth i think it would be fun to frame it more like possession is show on the exorcist on fox of this like relational experience that ebbs and wanes. also in general i really deeply am annoyed by how they just cherrypick names from religion and mythology but create characters that have nothing to do w the traditions associated w those names like i'm always going to be annoyed about lilith just being a Creepy Horror Movie Kid/Hot Blonde and g*briel. like just make original characters lmao
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Going to make a compilation of a few "about me"-style tag game chains in one post so I'm not reblogging really long posts!! Everything under the cut :)
@simplysebastian tagged me in:
If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog!
1. I used to be a swim instructor and lifeguard
2. I'm an only child
3. I was in band in school and played clarinet from grades 5 through 11
@justgleekout tagged me in
Favourite time of the year: Probably autumn!
Comfort food: Oh my god literally anything? Lol no I guess it's probably either pizza or ice cream? But also anything I enjoy can be a comfort food imo
Do you collect something: Polyhedral dice! I have... a lot lol
Favourite drink: Cream soda
Current favourite song: Hmmm this is a tricky one. I wouldn't say I have one all time favourite song, but lately I've been particularly enjoying Rollercoaster by Bleachers
Favourite colour(s): All of them, but if I absolutely had to choose one it would probably be purple (I know, you're all shocked)
Last song: Rollercoaster by Bleachers, only because I had to go into my music to pick a favourite song lol
Last series: UmmmI just finished watching the Netflix limited series Inventing Anna yesterday!
Last movie: Operation Varsity Blues, which is a documentary about the US college admissions scandal.
Sweet, savoury, sour: Probably savoury, but really I appreciate all of them.
Craving: I would very much like some butter chicken from my favourite Indian restaurant. That's pretty much always what I'm craving tbh
Currently working on: Answering all these questions!! Lol. For fandom stuff, I have a WIP that I'm slowly making progress on, and a few gifsets that I'm waiting to post and may made a few adjustments to first. Outside of fandom, I have a cosplay I need to start planning and working on.
@thnxforknowingme tagged me in:
Relationship status: Single
Favourite colour: As above, purple is you make me choose, but really I love all the colours
Favourite food: Hmmm maybe donairs? I wouldn't swear to it though
Song stuck in your head: None at the moment actually!
Last thing you googled: "mirrorball lyrics" lol
Time: 9:33pm
Dream trip: Ummm Hawaii maybe? I don't feel super strongly about travelling somewhere in particular though tbh, I'm not big on travelling so if I could just go somewhere that I can be comfy and relax and do a lot of swimming, I'd be happy. Scuba diving would be fun too.
Last book you read: God I don't even remember, I literally never read books I only read fanfic. Last long fic I finished was Make Me Happy by iaminarage and I really enjoyed it!
Last book you enjoyed reading: As above
Last book you hated reading: Like I said I don't read books, and I don't really want to say any fics that I didn't like sooo I guess I don't have an answer haha
Favourite thing to cook/bake: I don't like cooking or baking lol but I guess lately it's peanut butter cookies
Favourite craft to do in your free time: Sewing!
Most niche dislikes: Strawberries
Opinion on circuses, now and in history: It's not something I really think about. For a long time I thought of circuses as just like... travelling amusement parks, kind of? Apparently that's not the case though lol. Definitely more complicated things going on with actual circuses.
Do you have a sense of direction, and if not what is the worst way you’ve gotten lost: I do not but I've never really gotten lost super badly because of it thankfully. Shout out to google maps on my phone for telling me where to go <3
Thank you to everyone who tagged me! I'm not going to tag anyone else because there are a lot of things here, and I'm late so everyone has probably done them already lol
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Cutie Pie Live Blogging
I was really looking forward to this before it aired because of the concept and how high budget it seemed. I know a bit about what happened in the first few episodes before I muted the hashtags related to the show and from the general comments I’ve seen, it seems like it takes a while for situations to like... change or progress. An episode would come out and the discussion around it would be like the same as the previous 3 episodes lol (maybe with some excitement for nsfw scenes though). I hope me binging will make that not as noticeable and that I end up really liking this. I remember everybody loving the first few episodes though, so maybe watching them will bring my own hype and excitement again.
Episode 1 (May 25)
1-1
I like Nuea and Diao’s friendship
Not to be shallow but to be shallow, how often does Zee wear suits in this? Suits do less than nothing for me, I just remember seeing a few gifsets of him in casual clothes in this show and I hope that happens often.
Oh yeah, the rebuke of this ad. Sets the tone for how kinda melodramatic the show will be (’and then everybody clapped’ vibes) but I’ll let it slide because like it’s a criticism of media punching down queer people. do wish they explicitly mentioned dark skin isn’t undesirable.
I like Kuea, as Kirin being all cool and also when he’s being snarky in his head while being Nu-Kuea
Couldn’t escape the reducing women to villains/boy-crazy trope huh? All these men and the only interactions with women thus far have been the 2 servers who were speaking about Lian (so Kuea had to be sassy to them) and the business partner who’s also clearly moves on Lian. like goddamn let girls live
1-2
someone kick Lian, why is he needlessly cruel?
I don’t get why the show tried to make the Annabelle comment funny? It happens during a sad scene bro
1-3 and 1-4
a secret House?!
Kuea and Diao are cute, once again
many flashbacks. tbh I don’t get the grandpa’s reasoning for this engagement lol
when this episode was released, i was surprised to learn that lian learns about kuea/kirin so early on
oh yeah, that dream sequence lol I just finished Cherry Blossoms After Winter and it had a similar scene to that too
Episode 2 (May 25)
2-1
Dude even Kuea’s voice sounds different when he’s with his friends vs his parents/Lian. His voice sounds to nasally when he’s speaking to Lian but it sounds much more pleasant to me when he’s speaking with school friends/Diao
Naur, Diao coming in to take care of Kuea and also the flashback to him taking over cooking from Kuea ummm they’re very cute together. The day we get two cute, soft boys as the couple in a BL... we get plenty of masc4masc couples, how about fem4fem or just softer characters
broooo Kuea literally beginning Diao to marry him instead, why can’t they get together fr
2-2
I remember people being confused about what Yi/Diao’s deal was and I too am confused about that.
So true Kuea, what is up with Yi and Diao? Why do they act to tough and mysterious? It’s just not my type
Bro, what’s up with the “doing it” conversation, how can you be 20 something and be so scandalized about just talking about sex. It’s one thing to be like I haven’t had sex/I don’t want to have sex/I’ll wait until marriage/etc but what’s up with being so blushy blushy about it
Why does Lian as so dang detached to Kuea goddamn. Like even if he’s unsure about Kuea’s feelings or wants to be better for Kuea, he’s so impersonal with him
Kuea and Diao are freaking cute
I like Foei lol
Zee has very pretty eyes and eyelashes
2-3
I do like that New can sing, so Kuea’s singing is fine + the lyrics and song break make sense with the story.
Kuea’s really endearing
No like fr what’s up with Yi/Diao. What’s their relationship
2-4
Not Diao crying his eyes out suddenly and Yi being unsure what to do. Did Yi kinda get teary eyed too?
Perth’s character’s “You know my Thai isn’t that good”
lmfao Perth’s character and Kuea interacting, then panning to Lian watching them
Kuea seeing Lian everywhere T.T but also not recognizing actual Lian lmfao
Dang what does Perth’s character Jay have with Lian? Maybe Lian has contact with him because he knew Kuea would perform as Kiring at Jay’s club? I suppose he’s actually the one Lian called when he was like “save my usual spot” at the club
Bruh how is Lian able to just take a drunk, protesting Kuea out of the club with no resistance from the other patrons?
Me *handshake* Lian being very endeared by Kuea and his confusion
Also, I was waiting for Lian to show up in these casual clothes, he looks attractive in them + his smile
Ayo that last scene </3 Kuea T.T
For that last car scene I was just thinking wow this is really well done but if I was reading a well-written and well-crafted novel/fic with this scene, it would’ve changed me
From the r/boys_love thread for ep 2, seems like they thought it was a let down from episode 1 but I think I enjoyed them the same amount. I didn’t find it to be too draggy, I liked the Kuea/Diao scenes and also part 4 with all the Lian/Kuea.
Also they spoke about how Lian maybe has sat at that table and watched Kuea as Kirin previously and that’s sooooo cute actually.
Should I go through the people I follow’s cutie pie tags from when this episode was released to look through them? I kinda want to but I kinda wanna watch ep 3 too. hmm maybe I’ll just go through like 2-3 blogs.
Episode 3 (May 25)
3-1
At first I was like aww Lian wiping away Kuea’s tears but now this kissing scene has been going on for too long like why do we need a minute of them making out like that when it’s supposed to be heartbreaking lol
What’s interesting is that the whole plot is that Lian doesn’t know the real Kuea but also, we see that Kuea doesn’t know Lian all that well either. Keeps thinking the Lian he’s met is sooo different from his Hia Lian that it can’t be him at all, doesn’t know how Lian wants to kiss him and that he loves him, doesn’t know why Lian acts the way he does etc.
Glimpses of Kuea’s engagement ring is so <333
Will they not show us the aftermath of Yi/Diao’s scene? I think I read that apparently Diao was pretending to cry to get Yi off his back and idk how I feel about that, so I hope they show it soon
3-2
This is kinda funny and cute but also I’m like uhhh your relationship is on the verge of falling apart, is this the time for such fun
Wtf, I kinda find Mat or his character Yi cute in this scene
Getting to see the other best friends Yi and Lian spend time together is fun
Wait so the maid takes days off when she’s not supposed to but what does the mom not like about praying to the deities behind their house and what’s writing numbers on paper about? Maybe I’ll find some post that explains it
Okay, we get the confirmation that Lian’s doing all this to prove himself worthy of marrying Kuea but damn even his dad was like hey, talk to Kuea about your plans
3-3
Bro Jay’s caping for Lian so hard, why?
3-4
Kuea and Diao are freaking cute bro they’re so cute with Kuea’s sorry for making Yi lose and make up lunch date and the sandwiches Diao prepared for Kuea
Oh, I thought this Nuer kid had a different love interest but I guess he starts off liking Kuea
But why did Diao lie?! It’d be easy to say he’ll be grabbing food with Kuea
I don’t like how authoritative Lian is. Him tryna order Kuea is annoying
No but like I really don’t get what Lian’s plan is. I know he wants Kuea to live with him and I’d guess he wants Kuea to come clean about who he is but how are those correlated? In the preview for next episode, he tells Foei to make the house so nice that Kuea never wants to leave, which makes no sense like why would he want that? I don’t get it man.
Episode 4 (May 26)
4-1
The tone of this show really does throw me off like it’s serious but it’s silly
I really do have to turn my brain off to watch this because how are Kuea’s mom and fiance forcing him to live with his fiance even though he doesn’t want to agh
I think Lian and I both like it when Kuea has enough of Lian’s looming and just stands up and says what he wants lol. That one part where Kuea was actually the one moving forward while speaking and Lian was the one moving backwards
aw, does Kuea refer to himself and Qilin’s papa? a motorcycle dad
4-2
It’s funny how confident Lian and Yi each are about their standing in their own romantic relationships while being completely wrong
4-3
Killing me how people have been dying to know what Yi/Diao’s relationship is for the past 3 episodes while apparently Lian doesn’t even know despite being good friends with Yi lol
Kuea making the two stuffed animals have a conversation as him and Lian, cuteee
4-4
lol watching the car scene with Kuea silently crying while Lian ignores it just made I Knew You Were Trouble pop up in my mind “ No apologies / He'll never see you cry / Pretends he doesn't know / That he's the reason why / You're drowning”
girl what kinda blackbeard “don’t ever go to that room” vibes? He probably doesn’t have human bodies in there but rather something for Kuea because he knows Kuea’ll disobey? Maybe just something cute or like a Kirin memento to show that he knows it all actually?
Lian’s so annoying, what’s up with the “we’ll share a room” give Kuea choices or I’ll kick you
Like here’s the thinggggg it could be a good and fun game Lian’s playing if it didn’t hurt Kuea this bad. Tell him you love him and continue to play this game. You could even be like “hmm I think I kinda like you but maybe we should live together to see it blossom to love before we get properly engaged?” and we’d get the cohabitation but happier and it wouldn’t hurt so bad and we’d still have the conflicts of “I like Lian more than he likes me” and “I’m hiding secrets from Lian” and “Kuea’s not telling me everything”
Also it’s beyond me how Kuea thinks Lian doesn’t know everything despite everything literally being on Youtube and also Lian stating he knows everything.
Episode 5 (May 26)
5-1
Okayy they don’t have to actually share rooms
bold Kuea is always great, so he does still get shy or comply
loll Kuea also being tired of Lian putting his face so close and them just walking back and forth with mostly Lian looming
“A housewarming present ~From Hia” is actually really cute lol. A drumset that you know he’ll like behind a door you told him not to go to but you know he won’t listen.
The CCTV observing isn’t as cute though lol
5-2
The music that plays when Diao’s apologizing to Yi is the same was ep 5 part 4 in Bad Buddy after the fight, I’m pretty sure. That little episode was sooo much better than this, I wish they used a different song lol
Okay like Yi really doesn’t do anything to Diao or really even yell at him, so I’m confused why Diao doesn’t just tell him the truth about where he goes/what he does. If he doesn’t want to tell him at all, why doesn’t he communicate that?
5-3
Kuea thinking he’s tricking Lian but he’s actually the one being tricked ! cute
lmfao “Kuea, maybe telling the truth isn’t all that bad” - Diao
Oh, Kuea’s singing the Tilly Bird song Just Being Friendly, which is fair enough but I also associate this song with Bad Buddy lol I do like this performance though because listening to the other people in the club singing is also freaking fun. Makes it more dynamic
What exactly does Kuea do that’s “naughty” except lying?
5-4
Lian knowing Kuea doesn’t eat ginger and so giving him the bowl without it before Kuea even says anything... murder attempt against Feu, I really nearly died, love shown through food >>>>>, arrow straight to the heart etc
Anyway, Zee in casual clothes for the 2nd time
The cheek kiss + susunakrab + Foei combo is entertaining and cute
bro I hope the Nuer/Kuea scenes end soon lol The scenes with his other friends are fine
Episode 6 (May 26)
6-1
Is Foei’s actor in other shows? I might give them a try too, he’s entertaining
Buying the Keerati mansion? Why would Lian buy the mansion
Syn’s adorable lol so earnest
6-2
The friends pretending to be prim and proper computer engineers is killing me. Not all the humour of this show works with me (esp when I think it should be a more serious scene) but this one does
do I care about Yi/Diao...
6-3
The Ai’Hia! is great
It just makes me :< because Kuea feels trapped and like he can’t do what he wants while Lian’s giggling by himself, thinking this is just a fun game
6-4
Rip getting mistaken to be brothers while on an awkward ass date to begin with
Kuea talking more and more casually with Lian even by accident is sooo cute and Lian’s slighted face
Their little talk in the garden was sweet. They’re both trying but still, the secrets :<
Why can’t they kiss while Kuea’s not crying about his insecurities and about Lian not loving him
ngl I did skip a few times because the kissing lasts so long but I really liked how Kuea was atop the counter and Lian having to look up at him. Also Lian kissing his shoulders and jaw
In the BL Babes podcast, they mentioned in the book reason Lian wants to be partners with Gemini in ep 4 or smth is because Gemini isn’t booming except on days when Kirin performs. He wants to make sure it doesn’t close because of the lack of profits on other days so that Kuea will have Gemini to come back to whenever he wants. That is soooo cute bro >.< Much better than the kinda possessive vibes in the show because it doesn’t explain his reasoning at all
Episode 7 (May 26)
7-1
They show the whole make out scene again? I didn’t rewatch most of it but I do think the rings on their fingers is attractive
Oh yeah +1 Lian’s casual clothes counter: 3
7-2
Tbh we don’t know anything about Lian, it’s either his official self or stuff he’s doing to impress Kuea, so this dancing goofy thing is probably one of the only truly Lian bits we’ve seen, along with the cooking
I don’t really understand Yi and Diao but I stopped caring and wanting to tbh. Skipped most of their kiss scene too
At least Kuea and Diao don’t seem to be shying away from the kisses and seem to be fairly bold, which I like
7-3
Destabilized Nuer after the eye contact with Syn is interesting
Boun is sooo attractive.
7-4
Queer rights speech!
Girl, this Never Have I Ever at the club with the owner of the club while you’re late 20s? Funny writing choice to get Kuea to reveal things
Bruh whyyy would Lian say “Never Have I Kissed A Stranger” with the intention of making Kuea drink bc he thinks Lian that night was a stranger ?! alksdfj doesn’t that make them look bad because Kuea’s been engaged to Lian since forever ?!
What is this declaration in public in front of their friends and if Lian has always loved him, then why did he say he didn’t in the first episode?
Anyway, as always, I like Kuea taking the initiative and being bold after Lian pulls away but I’m still fastforwarding the long ass kiss, so rip the friends who have to just... sit there. They seemed to like it though, BounPrem’s characters are cute.
I think my method of having as little critical thought as possible while watching this is the best way because the character motivations is not the writer’s strongest suit lol. I think they had some quite cute moments this episode and that’ll tide me over.
Also, I haven’t watched anything with BounPrem except this and some tiktoks but Boun is seriously sooo gorgeous to me.
Episode 8 (May 26)
8-1
“I didn’t want to say [I love you] carelessly” but you said the opposite... said he didn’t love Kuea and that marriage doesn’t need love and they could live apart... I feel like they wanted the beginning to be SO DRAMATIC that it doesn’t align with the character or what he’s been saying since then
Here’s how I feel about this sex scene: I will not be watching all that but good for you. In between my fast forwarding, seems like the characters both really desired it and had fun and good for them. I am who I am so I liked seeing Kuea above Lian and kissing all over him. Also, as always, the glimpses of their rings is so good; like I’m not even into marriage like that but I guess it’s different when it’s gay
8-2
Lian puffing out his cheek for a kiss and the sniff kiss attack was cute
8-3
Nuer’s so sleek with the calling and then sniffing him
Foei’s first thought being like “oh I should punch him” “oh I should burn this” when Lian means much more mundane things by “sort out” is hilarious
I was kinda spoiled that in the novel Lian’s buying stuff because the Keerati family is going through tough times and he’s helping them out, so I’m not super suspicious of him even though he’s buying behaviour is suspicious
The Yi/Diao date would’ve been cuter if I cared about them at all. I’m more into the 3rd Nuer/Syn couple than them
8-4
What I don’t get is why does Kuea keep still worrying about whether Lian will like the real him when he knows that Lian was the one he kissed that night? So Lian knows he’s Kirin
Kuea and Diao are good as always, it’s just Yi/Diao is hard to care about
Kuea and Lian dinner meeting was so cute and domestic
Episode 9 (May 27)
9-1
Bro, Lian talking about how he wasn’t born rich and had to work as a kid etc is literally reminding me of immigrant parents’ stories to their children like why does it seem to fatherly i’m dead
9-2
Lian casual clothes counter +2: 5
Why did that scene speaking about queer rights need to be in the bathtub lol
woahh Kuea coming down with his Automotive Engineering shirt and earring on
Feoi!
9-3
Honestly Nuer and Syn are kinda cutee. Their scenes are kinda not NuerSyn scenes cuz Nuer still looks at Kuea sometimes but then Syn looks at Nuer and it is, in fact, a NuerSyn scene
9-4
I don’t care about Yi and Diao anymore bruh let their scenes end I want more of Kuea being Kirin and how the main couple will deal with that. I wanna see Lian’s reaction and stuff man
Like that’s the main conflict of the story right, Kuea’s hiding something and doesn’t know how Lian would react. Shouldn’t they tie that up properly soon
Oof, Kuea found all the documents where Lian’s taking over the Keerati family properties
Episode 10 (May 27)
10-1
Why did Yi buy Diao a dog while thinking he might be scared of them tf
Kuea’s gonna pay for food and delivery at the Pentagon? Why do they even do delivery, it’s a club. Maybe delivery works differently in Thailand
Yeah Kuea call your mom! Get her to tell you why all the deeds are in Lian’s name since she and your dad would’ve had to sign off on it! I don’t get why they didn’t explain it to Kuea from the start like lasdf
Dang, Kuea waiting for Lian to explain the documents on his own. It’s kinda like a reversal of how Lian was waiting for Kuea to tell him about Kirin/the house/racing/etc.
10-2
Girl, he saw you in your automotive engineering uniform lmfao
No but why are Syn and Nuer so cute to me. Everyone talks about being bored of the engineering guys falling for each other but I guess I’m not
Ooh, boundary setting between friends when Kuea tells his friend to stop joking about ~hot night with the fiancé~. Interesting to see
rip Kuea crying. I know in ep 11 Kuea rejects Lian’s public proposal and I guess that’s because this still hasn’t been cleared up by then?
10-3
No but for real though why did nobody tell Kuea anything?
Why am I :D watching the NuerSyn scene?
This Yi/Diao scene was cuter than the last few
10-4
The love confession from Yi was... okay, though we still don’t know what he was originally gonna tell Diao. I fully skipped the nsfw scene though. Not even fast forwarding here and there the way I did for Lian/Kuea but just full skip forward because why are you wasting time showing this right now, there are 2 episodes left agh
Okayyy Kuea’s finalllyyyyyy calling his mom. I hope his mom actually tells him everything
lol I just went and rewatched the NuerSyn scene from 10-3 because it was cute ! Sitting beside each other and the knee hold was cute ! I only care about them and Kuea/Diao friendship tbh (+ some Kuea/friends)
Episode 11 (May 27)
I’m like... dreading watching this lol I was kinda bored during ep 10 and I know there’s a rejection of a public proposal in this ep like what if I just skip this ep and go to ep 12 lol but I won’t
11-1
So the call cleared up nothing
These supposedly cute scenes between KueaLian like ep 10 “be my boyfriend” and the happy scene here are like... not happy because we know Kuea’s just pretending and like agh. Reminds me of Dark Blue Kiss PeteKao where I wasn’t having a fun time during cute moments because of all the secrets
Why doesn’t he ask Liannnnnnn or why didn’t he tell his mom what he saw? Get an actual explanation instead of being haunted by those documents and decide to pretend they don’t exist and everything’s fine. Not to mention I still haven’t gotten a satisfying enough conclusion to the Kirin/Kuea’s secret identity arc because they still haven’t addressed it. Kuea still thinks Lian believes he’s in Computer Engineering for fuck’s sake.
Nuchy’s hardly there but at least she got to kick Ton’s ass about “are you annoyed because you’re on your period?” bs
No like why is it that this show is supposed to be new and have unique dynamics but it’s fucking up with the writing so bad that the engineering students’ antics + the 3rd couple engineering students are my favourite parts. Syn’s “I don’t usually go to places like that but if you go, I'll go too” > KueaLian and YiDiao’s sexy times where they’re hiding things from each other or being annoying.
11-2
Foei kills me every time alksjf Drops the apple pen or whatever and is like “Khun Lian krab, could you get that?” alskdjf At least when he said it about the paper a few episodes ago the paper was actually on Lian’s side of the table.
Yes! I was hoping we’d get another Lian with Kuea’s friends scene
aaaakkkkk. How do I feel about that? First the accidental kiss lol cringe but Nuer made it better with the “That wasn’t a kiss, this is a kiss” and kissing Syn properly buttttt why is it with all their friends just staring bruh? This show freaking loves PDA with an enraptured audience but it’s so awkward. I like how when Nuer pulled back, Syn stumbled a little chasing his lips.
Diao’s curfew being 9pm kills me because even I’m allowed to stay out till 11/12
11-3
I truly don’t get it, so Kuea still thinks Lian doesn’t know he’s Kirin even though Lian admitted to being that person that night? Or is Kuea like maybe Lian didn’t know what he was saying yes to
Okay, so they do discuss the land deeds documents here.
“Why didn’t you ask me when you same them?” Yeah bro, Kuea should’ve just been like hey what’s this?
So Lian’s gonna propose publicly after this whole ordeal?
Alright, I’ll watch the last part and ep 12 tomorrow lol I can’t watch the rest rn
11-4
Girl I don’t wanna watch this lol A public proposal is cringe enough but one where mans is rejected ?! Nope.
Yeah I don’t get how we’re at last part for episode 11 and still Kuea doesn’t straight up tell everything to Lian and act like himself around him, rather much more polite and soft.
I’ve been watching most of this 4th part but especially since Lian started singing as watching 1 second, fast forwarding 5 secs, watching 1 sec, fast forward 5 secs
It’s such an awkward place to do propose brother. At Lian’s father’s very grand 60th birthday party where Kuea knows and is comfortable with like 2 people total. Also, the guests are like... business people too I’m assuming? Lian was just gassed up and introduced as the new CEO or whatever, taking his dad’s place in everything, and then gets publicly rejected? Gosh lol
“It’s better if we don’t” omg
Anyway, skip skip skip I can’t watch this. Saw some glimpses of tears and walking away. Like I’m not even invested enough in the relationship or characters for this to be like painful or sad for me, just anxious and embarrassing.
This comment under the part 4 video by Made In Busan kinda summed up all my thoughts: “This was hard to watch but expected. They lied to each other throughout the whole relationship. The only truth they ever told each other is that they love each other but everything else was an unnecessary lie. And like Kuea said in episode 9: "love is not just about the two of us, there are many factors involved". As a kid, Lian felt insecure about not being good enough because he was just an ice delivery boy and Kuea was from a wealthy family. As an adult, Kuea lied about his studies and his singing career because he felt that he was not fancy enough for serious, businessman Lian. Lian lies to Kuea about his family property and does stuff behind his back without telling him about any of it. At least the lies that Kuea told don't really affect Lian's life, whereas Lian keeping the Keerati property thing from him is a big deal that is tied to Kuea's inheritance and wealth. It's a mess and it's true that this is not how a relationship should be so it's expected that Kuea doesn't feel comfortable being engaged to him anymore. He just wants to be his equal and for them to be honest with each other. I totally understand him but I also wish I didn't have to see Lian cry in front of all his family and friends. I'm heartbroken for both of them. I hate public proposals LOL”
I wish the show just had better writing and character development lol. Like I don’t get how in ep 2 or something Kuea called off his engagement because he was upset and wanted to show everybody who he was and then in freaking episode 11 he feels guilty for keeping secrets and not showing the real him and so he rejects the proposal.
Anyway, I’m not even that annoyed or upset because I knew it was gonna happen and the writing has been bad the whole show and I’m not invested enough, my feelings are mostly bored and yikes!
Episode 12 (May 28)
People said episode 12 is a much better ending than expected considering where episode 11 left off, so that’s good at least
12-1
Doing all this in front of the guests, my gosh. This shit is the reason my mom is always like “pray we return with all our man-shomman (honour-respect)” before we go anywhere lmfao
12-2
Like, couldn’t the episode 11 dramatic falling out be a little less dramatic? Because it’s being wrapped up easily and quickly here compared to how big I’d think the actual ramifications would be
Anyway, this show could’ve been so much better if this conversation of them discussing Kuea’s alternate identity was discussed a few episodes into the show and we got to see them fall in love as their true selves.
The Yi/Diao conclusion didn’t flesh out anything at all lol but it’s fine sure
12-3
Bro Syn and Nuer are sooo like average and common, so why do I find them cute >.< like they’re any and every side BL couple, so I’m not like super invested or anything, it’s just I like them the most out of the 3 I guess? Or maybe tied with KueaLian
loll Feoi with Yi’s personal assistant?
I wonder how this show is affecting the viewers’ thoughts of gay marriage. There must be people out of the millions who are watching who don’t support legalization of gay marriage and I wonder if this’ll sway them?
12-4
We get to see Kuea be more forward and open with Lian but why must it be sooo late in the show man
Lian continually thwarting Kuea’s plans to propose ?! lol
Kuea kissing Diao’s cheek and him getting getting shy haha
I know Lian’s pulling a little joke but just the thought of this couple having a second public proposal go horribly wrong is like aging me by 10 years. Had to pause and do some other stuff lol
Foei’s greatt
Me skipping the long ass confessions and marriage stuff because I really cannot handle that many sappy words. This show’s really pushing for marriage legality rights though and I really am curious to see if it has any irl effects (not that I’ll really be able to tell) and whether other shows will take a stance like this too. Like this show managed to say “yeah, sadly we don’t have all the rights” without veering off into depressing queer territory, so maybe other BLs might? I’d be curious to see
It’s true, the last episode is quite good. Wish some of this happened earlier so that we could’ve actually seen Kuea and Lian be themselves around each other without secrets. Throughout the show, Kuea flip-flopped so much between being forward or rebellious against Lian or being obedient and ”good”.
So much of this show felt... filler and repetitive because the overarching plot wasn’t really moving. Wish it was 10 episodes, the Kuea/Kirin stuff was wrapped up in the first few episodes, we get to see them falling in love and we can have some small internal drama here too, maybe the land deeds drama, and finally 1 external drama in episode 9 that causes conflict but we still get to see that they love each other and will fight for each other, etc. Instead, the same thing was dragged on and on and on.
Didn’t like Yi/Diao because their relationship wasn’t explained well and didn’t have much draw. I don’t like love interests like Lian and Yi, so there’s that - the actors are both quite beautiful though but still not enough to make me like the characters. Like Diao and Kuea’s friendship, as well as Lian and Yi’s. I liked Kuea’s friendship with his classmates too and how they interacted with each other, both looking out for one another but also being forthright when they didn’t like another’s behaviour. I liked Foei.
I think people really liked the makeout and nsfw scenes because apparently they had great chemistry and ease but I skipped through pretty much all of them, so that wasn’t a draw for me. I have to like the characters and be invested in the relationship to really like the more physically intimate scenes (exception: Y-Destiny Puth and Kaeng) but I didn’t like either couple like that.
Astonishing that this show was supposed to give me some uniqueness, some new dynamics and characters and plot and setting, etc. Instead, I thought the engineering friend group was endearing and NuerSyn’s few scenes were the cutest even though it was sooo typical. Although, I did end up skipping through their kissing scene too.
I was impressed by New and his acting, so I hope he does well in his next series too.
My overall feelings about this series is: mild annoyance and mile boredom and mild enjoyment.
Rating: 5.5/10
Tiktoks
Saved this before I watched the show and while I still had hope that it’d be good lol it’s from ep 1 while Kuea was waiting for Lian to be finished and played the airdrums to Lian looking on with “I love everything you do~” in the bg
this random NuerSyn (TutorYim) parallels to UWMA WinTeam (BounPrem)
“Hia?” “Khap”
Lian imitating what Kuea looks like when he’s mad
random video of Tutor “being jealous” of Yim with NetJames but actually I saved it because Yim just kept getting mandled by everyone
NuerSyn kiss in the club
Nuer and Syn looking over the project together and then the knees thing
umm look away, TutorYim dowry price negotiation @ the fans
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DEBRIS AND MISERY
WELCOME BACK, AGENT ; PART 4 / ?
PAIRING: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader
WORD COUNT: 2.5k
SUMMARY: You're back at your desk job at the TVA, suffering the consequences of your mistakes that led to your crash on Sakaar. However, Mobius has a better job for you than doing just paperwork.
A/N: I feel like this one has more platonic mobius x reader than loki x reader lol but you know, this loki is meeting her for the first time again. please leave comments, criticism or love, whatever, I love to hear from you guys who are reading this. enjoy xo gif by @alligatorlokis from this gifset
WARNINGS: Swearing. Paperwork.
support my writing through ko-fi💖
MASTERPOST ; MASTERLIST
The sweet musky smell almost lulls you to sleep as you skim through the case file of a Loki variant, pictures and text of monochrome glaring under the unforgiving fluorescent office lighting. It’s a harsh reminder of your mishap; a simple overlook during a mission that sent you crashing onto the wasteland of Sakaar. According to the reports as you stood on the pedestal, pleading your innocence to the judge, you were there for an estimated 600 years. Maybe more.
The thought of spending six centuries stranded on a planet sends a wave of pain through your skull—it’s overwhelming information but unsurprising. You do feel like you’ve spent 600 years on that God-forsaken planet.
Now, your once fugitive days have been replaced with the return of being trapped behind a desk and having to recount every event that took place during your time there. Word for word. You despise the TVA’s love of paperwork—it’s a fucking nightmare.
The collar of your shirt feels itchy against the back of your neck, bringing your nails to graze it furiously.
You decide to ignore Miss Minutes' cheery voice despite your agitation, your name rolling off her southern accent. It hints at her chagrin towards your disregarding nature.
"Are you even listenin' to me?"
Her voice lacks all sense of her once constant sunny disposition. You spare the projection a glance, watching her rubber-hose-like arms curve to her where you assume her hips would be. She looks at you with an expectant raised brow. You don’t say anything, keeping eye contact as you snatch an empty event report template, spinning in your swivel chair and away from the glowing tangerine clock.
With pursed lips, you swipe the scatter of mess away, revealing an orange typewriter that sits idly within the expense of your stacks of case files and your collection of vintage Earth cassettes. You hear Miss Minutes' sigh as she strides to the other end of your desk, perching on top of a dusty stack of pending paperwork.
“C’mon, it’s just a test,” the animated clock says. You spare her another look as you feed the report template into the roller forcefully. Bing! The return bar dings unceremoniously as it nearly startles Miss Minutes off the stack.
“That is exactly why I’m refusing to listen to you,” you mutter with annoyance, fingers already flying across the keyboard, punching letters onto the event summary section. The loud clickety-clack of the keys makes it impossible to hear over it. “I don’t get why I need to take a test when I clearly know everything I need to know.”
“Well, you were gone for a very long time and we just wanna test your memory on policies and procedures here at the TVA—”
“Then, why didn’t they come and get me earlier? From the moment I stepped foot on Sakaar, I did everything I could to create a Nexus event or even just a spike and you only came when? When I met Loki.”
Your eyes are now on her startled figure, clicks and clacks coming to an abrupt end. You’re upset over your arrest, the whole hoo-ha at the courtroom, and everything before that. Your behavior is nearly childish but understandable to those who express empathy. You feel like you were being used, prioritizing the capture of the Loki variant that has been causing a ruckus to the timeline. But, it is your job to protect the TVA and the sacred timeline. Although you feel that the TVA should be protecting its employees as well.
“Look, I am not taking that test and that’s my final word. Everyone knows I am capable of handling myself. Plus, I do have tons of paperwork to refresh my memory on policies and procedures if that’s what you’re worried about.”
The cartoon clock nods but with hesitation. However, you do make a fair point. Thus, with a swish and a blip, Miss Minutes disappears into thin air, and you’re left to your own devices once more.
Finally some goddamn peace.
As if the universe doesn’t loathe you enough, someone calls your name, approaching from behind you. A groan escapes from your lips, scowling at the glaring keys of the typewriter.
“What?” you spat. In a swift motion, you swivel in your seat and turn to look over your shoulder.
It’s Mobius, approaching you with sudden caution. You let your shoulder sag with relief, happy to see a familiar friendly face.
“Glad to see you’re back and still feisty.” Mobius hesitantly taps your shoulder, flashing you a small consoling smile. Your expression, however, remains unchanged. “Well, you guys did find me after all.” He spots the glimmer of melancholy in your eyes; they avert back to face the typewriter, hands resting on the keys. Mobius shoves his hand into the pockets of his brown slacks, shifting to lean against the edge of your desk. He knows to tread lightly around you after what happened. You’ve changed with wrinkles of age and crinkles of exhaustion. Sakaar must have not been kind to you.
Yet, you’re here, at your desk; alive and well.
“Hey, what’s got you all wound up?”
It’s a stupid question, really but it’s a question to show he still cares. You have every right to be upset. However, you have every right to be thankful. You would have been pruned. Desk cleared and cassettes discarded—it would be as if you never existed. Renslayer would have never given you any mercy after the act you pulled. Disobeying orders and recklessly throwing yourself into danger with the risk of bringing the whole TVA down. You’re impulsive on missions, but it’s your unrelenting determination that drives you to be one of the greatest analysts Mobius has ever seen.
You’re also a friend. A great one. And he isn’t planning on losing one.
“Please prune me, Mobius.”
Your statement comes off as intentionally sarcastic rather than truly meaningful.
“What? I always thought you adored paperwork.” Mobius hears you groan, burying your face in your hands, elbows propped up on the desk. “My back is already hurting, and I have a migraine just thinking about typing out reports of my time on Sakaar. I think it’s quite clear I adore paperwork.” Your muffled voice tinges sarcasm heavily.
Laughter erupts in his chest. He's glad that your sense of humor never changed. Then, the moment quickly passes and he senses a sudden change in the air. You turn up to look at him.
“What was my Nexus event?”
It’s abrupt, almost arbitrary but leads him to even more confusion. Mobius finds himself frowning. “You don’t know?”
You blink. “That’s the one thing they never told me.”
He shifts in his seat on the edge of your desk, blinking up to the ceiling in thought. “Well, from what I heard...it was because Loki willingly helped you. And it wasn’t for his own advantage.”
It’s your turn to frown. “Wouldn’t that be Loki's fault?”
“Apparently not. It was all you.”
You laugh in response; it comes out like a puff of air. “Well, then. That’s a first. I guess I can finally add manipulation to my list of skills. Plus, pick-pocketing weird cosmic fruits.”
Mobius laughs and taps your shoulder again.
“C’mon, take a walk with me. I’ve got a new case that I need your help with.” You shoot him a quizzical look, eyes catching sight of a thick case file in hand—must be important. “I thought I was supposed to be on desk duty.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to sit behind the desk the whole time,” he shoots back a clever answer with a raised eyebrow, beckoning you to accept his offer. Your laugh comes off as more of a snort. It’s the first one in a while. You stand on your feet, stretching your limbs as you shrug on your coat that was hung over the back of your chair.
“Plus, you’re under my supervision,” he says before turning on his heel, heading for the exit. You watch him raise a hand, his back to you, gesturing for you to follow as he pushes through the wooden door. You hum with amusement, trailing behind him.
-
The winding hallways feel hollow, mundane walls lacking any color of brightness the TVA tries to bring to the space when in all fairness, orange isn’t much of a fun color now that everywhere you look, there’s a tinge of tangerine somewhere. The posters that adorn the walls are your least favorite parts of the headquarters’ decorative choice. You pass one that says 'Always Watching' in big bold letters, ominously glaring at you. The words are far from comforting, almost inhumane—a jarring reminder of where you are and where you stand in the hierarchy of this bureaucratic organization.
Mobius clears his throat from beside you, pulling you out from your thoughts. In a weirdly discreet manner, he hands you the case file with an outstretched hand. You take it, eyeing him and his odd behavior, there’s an unexpected shift in the air.
Then, you glance down, reading the scrawled words on the file that reads: Variant L1130, Loki Laufeyson.
Your strides come to an abrupt end, whipping your head up to see Mobius’ sheepish smile. Your eyes are wide, and you’re shaking your head in utmost objection.
“No, no, no. No. Absolutely no—”
“C’mon, it’s just—”
“No, Mobius. Nuh-uh. I swear, if I have to deal with another Loki, I will prune myself. I literally will.”
You're shoving the file to him, as he attempts to suck it up to you like the optimistic idiot he is although he very well knows once you’ve made up your mind, you cannot be swayed. You’re stubborn, rebellious—it’s what makes you dangerous. Yet, the TVA are pessimists. It’s Mobius who truly recognizes your accompanying positive characteristics that make dealing with your spontaneous character worthwhile.
Then, coincidently emerging from the door of the locker room is Loki himself, dressed in a dress shirt, tie, and slacks—clothes and color schemes accustomed to the TVA’s dress code. Mobius can practically see the wires in your brain short-circuiting as soon as you lay eyes on the God. Your eye twitches and from that, he knows you’re about to go mayhem. It’s the mayhem that’s going to break out on him like a hurricane devouring everything and anything in its way.
“You hired him?! You hired a Loki?!”
Your voice is loud, startling Mobius and Loki as passersby stare at the commotion you’re causing. You find yourself hunching in response, shoulders sagging as if it’s supposed to help with averting the attention away from you. Still, your expression doesn’t falter, and you’re staring at Mobius like he’s nuts.
Your voice comes off as a whisper, tone still harsher than before. “Mobius, are you insane?—”
“Just, let me explain,” he cuts you off with a raised palm to you. You purse your lips, sparing a glance to Loki who seems amused by the looks of the conversation that’s turning to more of an argument because you’re directly questioning your colleague’s sanity in public. Nevertheless, you decide to hear him out.
You watch Mobius sigh at the sight of your raised brow. “We have a variant. A Loki variant that’s been killing our Minutemen and I believe it’s the same one that threw you to Sakaar. So, to hunt down a Loki, what better way than to source the help of another?”
Silence. You’re giving him that deafening silent treatment once more. You’re thinking, he can see the mechanics in your brain running like a steam engine. He observes the way your eyes flicker between him, the file, and Loki who attempts to hide his confusion of you and the whole situation.
You’re not his superior, not even close, but he’s hopeful for your approval of his plan.
You cross your arms, shifting in your stance. “Which Loki is this?” You gesture to Loki with a tilt of your head. Mobius heaves a sigh, a hand to his hip and the other waving in the air.
“He’s, uh, he’s from 2012—”
And you’re back to causing mayhem.
“2012?! Mobius! That’s the worst one yet!”
“Now, hang on just a minute—” Loki interrupts, voice tinged with bewilderment and resentment but with two sharp looks directed his way, he instantly shuts his mouth.
You and Mobius are now back to your whispered debate.
“Look, as much as I hate to admit it, the TVA’s survival all depends on catching this variant and that means our survival. He has potential for change, so much of it...You just have to trust me on this.”
Mobius makes an excellent point but you can't help but feel the queasiness rising from your stomach. It feels like bile. You begin to feel the weight of the case file in your grasp becoming heavier and heavier. It’s the thought of risky business, and you’re almost upset as to why Mobius thinks it’s such a brilliant idea to pull you into this case after the stunt you pulled.
“Care to explain why I'm involved in this? You do know I’m being scrutinized for every move I make, right?”
Following your question, he glances at Loki who seems to be growing impatient, eyes wandering around the hallway. He leans forward and lowers his voice though his pitch raises, like when he's excited about a breakthrough.
“Because I know you’re capable of getting Loki to trust you. It happened once, there’s a high chance it’ll happen again and that’s good enough for me.” He watches you blink once. Then, twice. He continues, “And you’re being scrutinized by me. So, does it really matter?”
You’re silent again but in deep thought and not out of spite. Your troubled eyes find Loki’s. He’s already staring at you and for a moment, you see an unknown glimmer in his eye, expression nearly vulnerable but in an instant, he seals it away from you and averts his gaze, busying himself with straightening his pecan brown tie. It’s a small sign that he must have heard what Mobius said to you quietly. Nothing more.
Your gaze returns to your colleague and you pull yourself together, heaving a deep sigh. “Fine, but I still think you’re insane.”
Mobius beams down at you in an almost proud manner. “Welcome back, agent.” And with a turn of a heel, he waves for Loki to follow as the three of you head down the hallway. Loki quickly catches up beside you, much to your dismay. “So, what’s your story?” he leans into you with a curious smirk. You keep your face forward, shoulder back, and chin up as you reply with a monotonous tone. “None of your business, daddy long legs.”
In your peripheral vision, you note how the God retracts in response to your reply, brows now furrowed as he glances down to his legs in an almost sheepish and innocent way.
You struggle to fight down a growing smirk.
Mobius looks over his shoulder for a moment and catches sight of you and Loki’s expression after your exchange.
It looks like the two of you would get along just fine.
TAGLIST:
@lareinedususpense
@poubxlle
@mystoragehatesme
#loki#loki x reader#loki laufeyson#loki laufeyson x reader#loki imagine#loki laufeyson imagine#loki x you#loki laufeyson x you#loki series#mobius x reader#mobius#ravonna renslayer
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lessons in romance // nate mackinnon x reader
summary: nate mackinnon is really bad at keeping a steady girlfriend. so bad that’s become somewhat of a joke between him and the boys. but you come along and try to set him straight.
word count: 14k+
author’s note: it’s finally here. i’m honestly surprised at how fast i cranked this out... which is actually a LOT longer than most people write on here so mayb i shouldn’t brag lmao! this fic was inspired by THIS gifset. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE give me feedback/reblog!!!!!!
warnings: smut (i jumped out of my comfort zone people. i finally wrote some lmfao) & mentions of a past toxic ex
Weekends were better spent in bed or visiting family, not sitting in a crowded bar with men who reminded you slightly of your ex-boyfriend. You were probably overreacting a little bit because the guys truly meant well, but their overly boy-ish energy was startlingly similar to that of your ex. Maybe a few more drinks would help the cause and you could get passed the sex jokes.
Mel Landeskog was the reason you were there. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, much like her husband, and so you were sitting across the booth from some of the largest men you’d ever seen in your life. Gabe gave you the rundown of their names as they arrived though the only one you could remember was Cale. He was a perpetually blushing 21-year-old named after a vegetable; how could you forget him?
“Do you think Nate’s upset about this one?” Cale asked. The new topic of conversation was their friends’ disastrous date since he texted to tell them he was broken up with and was on his way to them. “They were sort of serious.”
“We’re about to find out,” Gabe announced, nodding towards the entrance of the bar. Nate was on his way to the booth, tired smile on his lips. As he got closer, he started shaking his head and the table erupted in chirps at his expense.
You recognized him from earlier at the Landeskog’s pregame. He was slipping out of the front door as you stepped in. His cologne was the type the good-looking guys always wear, and you weren’t disappointed when you looked up at him. He was handsome with the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled to his elbows and the top three buttons undone, and when he smiled, you all but swallowed your tongue.
He began to greet his teammates. The chain around his neck caught the light of the DJ booth and you found yourself gazing at it. You tore your eyes away from the gold at the sound of Mel’s voice introducing you.
“This is my girlfriend, YN, from my Saturday morning Cycle class,” she said. “And, YN, this is my husband’s boyfriend, Nate MacKinnon.”
He threw his head back in a laugh at Mel’s joke as he extended a hand to you. “Nice to meet you.”
You listened to the quips from his teammates, each one with their own opinion about Nate’s relationship or lack thereof. It seemed like this wasn’t the first time in recent months that he’d been broken up and it had become somewhat of a spectacle to the boys. Mel, who’d seen this song and dance one too many times, wrapped her fingers around your elbow and tugged you with her towards the bar.
“What was that about?”
“Nate can’t hold down a girlfriend,” she explained. “It’s been a joke since he first came here because they almost all have the same issue with him.”
“And what is that?”
“He’s not romantic enough.”
You glanced back over your shoulder and watched the boys laughing amongst each other. It looked like they were celebrating as they lifted their beers in a sad looking toast, and it hit you right where it hurt.
You really saw your ex-boyfriend in the group now and, though you tried not to make assumptions, you found it hard to set the first impression aside. The liquor in your system didn’t help. With each joke about his dating misadventures, you became less of a fan of him and by the end of the night you were bubbling over in annoyance.
Gabe and Mel offered Nate a ride home towards the end of the night and you managed to keep your expression neutral when he accepted. As they headed out to grab the car, you and Nate waited at the curb several feet away from each other.
“I’m sorry about your break up,” you offered after a moment of silence. The statement came out more like a question and Nate’s lips quirked up into a smirk at the inflection of your voice. “Sorry, I just can’t tell if you’re upset or not, so I don’t know if I should even offer my condolences.”
“I’m, uh, I’m not upset,” he began. “I saw it coming.”
“How so?”
“Let’s just say this isn’t the first time a girl’s broken up with me for not being romantic enough,” he said. Thoughts were filling your head faster than you could make sense of them. There was no reason for the situation to annoy you as much as it did. You didn’t know this guy and the odds that you ever saw him again were slim.
“So, if it’s not the first time, why hasn’t anything changed?”
“Excuse me?” he asked. There was a crease between his eyebrows. He hadn’t been expecting you to respond like that. You shouldn’t have. It wasn’t your business
“I mean, you act like a martyr when you probably would be successful in love if you just put in the romantic effort these girls are craving,” you said. Your anger had begun to boil over and words were spilling from your mouth faster than you could stop them. “Guys like you are the worst. You lead girls on and make them think they’re special. Next thing they know, they’ve been wasting time on you and your lack of effort.”
The comment made Nate take a step away from you. His eyebrows drew together in shock and confusion. As you spoke, he turned his body to you and crossed his arms over his chest. The moment you closed your mouth, he interjected. “You don’t even know me.”
“I don’t have to,” you argued, turning to him. You were in a stand-off with a man several inches taller than you, and to any passerby it probably looked a little bit funny, but you weren’t backing down. “I know guys like you. I’ve dated guys like you.”
Before Nate could continue arguing, the Landeskogs pulled up to the curb. Mel hollered out for you two and the topic of conversation was dropped.
---
You regretted everything you said to Nate the moment you woke up the morning after. It wasn’t like you to be so rude, especially not to someone you didn’t know. Your heart stopped every time Mel texted you in the days following. You thought that at any moment she’d confront you about what you said to him, but it never came. As the week carried on, you found yourself forgetting the harsh words spoken outside the bar and the worry stopped.
Until Thursday night.
The knock at your apartment door was unexpected. You met your roommate, Mara’s, narrowed eyes over the dirty dishes you were working on. By the look on both your faces, neither one of you had a guest on the way over. She turned on her heel to check the peephole and the next look she gave you was equally as confusing as the previous one. She still opened the door.
“Does YN live here?”
The voice sent shockwaves through your veins and you stopped your movements, plates held just above your head as you were about to slide them into the cabinet. Nate MacKinnon was at your apartment. Mara nodded at him slowly before stepping back to let him in.
“Hi,” he greeted. His hands were tucked into his sweatshirt pocket, legs clad in compression leggings and a pair of shorts. He looked like he’d just come from a workout and his hair was still wet from the shower he’d taken before coming over. “I hope you don’t mind. Gabe gave me your address.”
“No problem,” you told him through a shaky breath. “Come in. Come sit at the island.”
He removed his shoes and approached slowly, sending Mara one last smile as she crept off down the hall. You silently cursed her for leaving you with your shaking hands as you cleared the clutter from the countertop. You watched him as he settled into the stool across from you, mirroring the kind smile he was sharing with you.
“Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee? I have food, too, if you’re hungry.”
“Don’t worry about me,” he said. His voice was softer now than it had been before. “I wanted to talk to you about the other night. It won’t take long.”
“Oh?” you asked, trying to ignore the way your stomach dropped. You wanted to start apologizing right then. You didn’t have a reason to go and butt into his personal life like you had. You should’ve kept your mouth shut. Guys like him didn’t care about your opinions. “I’m sorry for what I said. When I get drunk, I have the tendency to shoot off at the mouth.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said. Your mouth snapped shut. “No one keeps me in check. All the guys think the fact that I can’t keep a girlfriend is a big joke because I’m so bad at dating. It shouldn’t be a joke. So, I’m sorry and thank you.”
You dropped your hands to the counter and leaned against it. The last thing you expected was for Nate to thank you, so you needed a moment to gather your thoughts. His eyes glistened as he watched you and then the corner of his lip quirked up because you started giggling.
“You should not be thanking me,” you said. With that simple statement, the tension in the air lifted. You turned your back on him, indicating that if the conversation must go on, you were going to be doing the dishes as well. “I was just being bitter the other night.”
“You had every right to be,” he said. “I was gloating.”
“You were kind of gloating,” you mumbled. You hadn’t meant for Nate to hear, and he knew that, but he laughed anyway. You turned to face him with an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing,” he said. He didn’t even know why you were apologizing at that point. It seemed like you’d apologize for taking up space and that made him feel a bit sad. He smiled politely at you anyway, to signal he wasn’t annoyed by the apologies, and it lit up his features in a way you hadn’t noticed the other night. “Anyway, I came here for a reason.”
“Okay.”
“I need you to teach me to be romantic.”
He delivered it tentatively, as though he was afraid of the way you might react. In the split second that followed, your mouth open and closed twice as every possible response came to your mind. He waited patiently.
Finally, “You don’t even know me. How can you be so sure that I’m the right person to teach you this stuff?”
“You’re a girl,” he explained, deadpan. “Girls know romance.” You snorted at how adorably dumb he was. Your hand flew up to cover your mouth in embarrassment and your cheeks burned as he grinned at you, amused by the sound of your laugh. “What do you say?”
---
Mondays were always your least favorite day of the week. Every weekend, your workload piled up and most Mondays you could hardly take a lunch break because you were so busy getting shit done. Whenever you came home from work on Mondays, you were wiped. Mara always made sure to have dinner ready for you when you got in, and the two of you often sat on the couch while eating those nights.
That Monday, you were sure that you’d be in bed before the Bachelor even started. But then Nate showed up unannounced. Mara was in the middle of washing the dishes this time, so you were the one to open the door. He greeted you with a goofy smile and a large electrical wire. Without a word, you stepped to the side and he was kicking off his shoes to enter the living room. Mara caught the roll of your eyes as you followed him.
He was standing beside the television when you entered the room. The wire he’d brought with him was connected to his cellphone while he found a port for the other end. You sat at the corner of sectional and waited, yawns escaping your mouth every minute or so. The day had been long enough already.
Suddenly, the television lit up with his cellphone background on full display. He held it up to show you, a grin present on his face.
“I need your help,” he began. He tapped one of the dating apps on his home screen and immediately you were regretting letting him in. You realized he wasn’t leaving any time soon as he unraveled the cord and plopped down beside you on the couch. Mara entered the room, eyes catching on the beautiful brunette woman on the screen, and then she gave Nate a curious look. “Come on, Mara. Join us.”
An amused smile came to her lips as she sat on the other end of the couch.
“I am not swiping for you,” you grunted, rubbing at your eyes. “I have no interest in judging girls off these apps.”
“Relax, YN,” he said. “I’m not asking you to play matchmaker. Just help me talk to this girl.”
“You need help talking to girls?” Mara asked as she gave him the once over. You laughed out loud while Nate blushed.
“I don’t need help,” he began. He turned his attention back to the television and pulled up the profile of a beautiful brunette woman. “I just don’t want to come on too strong, or douche-y. This girl is perfect and I wanna take her out.”
“Can you two make this quick?” Mara asked. “The Bachelor’s on tonight.”
“And my bed is calling my name.”
Nate peered at you over his shoulder. He smiled at your tired eyes, drooping as you leaned your head on your hand. He leaned back, stopping inches from your face and said, “I’ll make it quick.”
To your surprise, and Mara’s delight, he reached up and ran his hand over your hair before turning back to the television. He gave a rundown about the girl on the television, but his words went in one ear and out the other. Your glazed eyes watched as he typed out messages to her, and you laughed when Mara made fun of the way he was talking. (“Why the fuck are you talking like that? Are you her father?”) Finally, he turned on you.
“Are you gonna help or what, love doctor?”
“Give me the phone,” you said, extending your hand. He plopped it into your palm and watched you type out the message on the television screen. It took you less than a minute to type out a sweet message asking the girl out on a date before you were shoving the phone back into his hand. “You overthink too much.”
“That’s it?”
“Short and sweet,” you noted with a shrug. “I’d say yes.”
Nate’s eyes cut to you and you felt a chill run down your spine at the intensity behind them. Mara cleared her throat as you diverted your attention from him, shaking the feeling you got from his baby blues. She smiled sweetly at the two of you. “Can I detach your phone from our TV now? It’s almost time for Bach.”
You peeled yourself off the couch and headed to the bathroom to wash your face before changing into sweats and a t-shirt. You returned to the living room to find Nate with his feet up on the coffee table. Mara had tuned the television to ABC and the Bachelor recap was playing. He looked up as you entered and frowned.
“Stay out here a little bit longer,” he proposed, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “We’ll watch some of this and see if she says yes to the date.”
“Nate, I’m exhausted.”
“C’mon.”
You couldn’t say no, not when he was pouting like that. So, you rolled your eyes and walked around the couch to plop down in the spot you’d been before. Before long, your eyes were closing and you couldn’t keep them open any longer.
Nate didn’t realize you fell asleep, but he didn’t mind when you leaned against his arm as a pillow. He stiffened for a moment, unsure of what to do, but a soft snore escaped your lips and he found himself smiling down at your peaceful face. He didn’t move for the rest of the episode because he was too nervous to wake you. When the credits began to roll, he dropped a hand to your knee and shook you lightly.
Your eyes opened, bleary from sleep, and you found that you’d fallen asleep on him. You jerked away, realizing that it was probably too close for comfort, and smiled apologetically. He returned the smile before standing and gathering his things from the coffee table.
“Get some sleep,” he said on his way to the front door. You hummed in response, following him to the door to say a proper goodbye and lock up. He pulled you into a hug before going, shocking you once again by with how gentle he was despite hardly knowing you.
“Did she say yes?” you asked as he pulled away from the hug. “I almost forgot to ask.”
“Yeah, she did.”
---
Lesson #1: The First Date
In the chaos of the week that followed, you’d almost forgotten that you promised Nate your assistance before the date. You weren’t used to being accountable for someone else like you were now, so it wasn’t surprising.
“There is a man at reception asking for you.”
The office receptionist, Debby, was standing in the doorway with a giddy smile on her lips. You knew immediately from the look in her eye that the man at the front desk was going to be the talk of the office for a week.
You stood, following her out the door of your office and down the hall. As you rounded the corner to reception, you saw Nate leaning against the desk. He was sucking on a mint from the bowl in front of him and smiled wide when he saw you.
“What are you doing here?”
“I have my date tonight, remember?” he asked. One glance at your watch told you that you worked a little too late. You cursed under your breath, turning quickly to head back to the office and send one last email. Nate hesitated, but ultimately decided to follow you down the hallway. He eyed the pencil skirt you were wearing, eyes lingering a little too long on your ass. He shook his head from his trance, knowing damn well that he was just asking for trouble.
Nate lingered in the doorway of your office for a moment before his eyes landed on a picture frame across the room that caught his attention. It was a marble frame without a photo like it had been removed and never replaced. He picked the frame up and turned it over in his hands, then turned to you.
“You need a picture.”
“What?” you asked, eyes still trained on the screen. They flickered up to see what he was talking about and then got right back to work. “Used to be a picture of me and my ex. Nobody’s important enough to put in.”
Nate placed the frame down. He felt a pang of sadness for you in that moment, but distracted himself by moving onto the next shelf and playing with some of the desk games on it. He was in the middle of fiddling with your Rubiks cube when you stood from the computer.
“You’re wearing that?” you asked. Nate winced at the question, glancing down at the jeans and t-shirt he was wearing. When he looked back up, you were wearing a shit eating grin. “I’m fucking with you.”
“Jesus, YN.” He clutched his heart and released a deep breath. You rounded the desk and grabbed your jacket from the hook. As you swung it over your shoulders, Nate stepped up to help. You slipped your arms through the arm holes trying to suppress the flair up of butterflies in your stomach.
When you reached the sidewalk outside the building, you led him down the block to a florist. Their window displays were your favorite in the city and you often found yourself going out of the way to peak at them on shitty days. You daydreamed about the day someone bought you a bouquet from there specifically.
The bell above the door rang as you stepped in. The smell of fresh flowers hit your nose and you sniffed it in happily. You grinned back at Nate and he felt a tug at his heart at your excitement.
“Can I help you?”
You bounded over to the woman behind the counter, Nate following behind you a little awkwardly. You gave him an expectant look and then his brain finally caught up with the question. As he leaned forward to look at the flowers in the case in front of you, his hand pressed against the small of your back.
“What would you get?” he asked curiously. You took a sharp intake of breath at the lack of space between you and pulled away to look at the flowers.
“Sunflowers and baby’s breath are my favorites.”
Nate smiled at the woman behind the counter and repeated what you’d just said, adding, “It’s for a first date, so I don’t need it too big or anything.”
You laughed at his explanation, and then the blush that come to his cheeks when he realized how silly he sounded. Neither of you noticed the confused look on the florist’s face. She was about to comment on how cute the two of you were, and in hindsight she was glad she kept her mouth shut. He reached out and squeezed your arm as a warning to stop teasing him. You stepped away completely, still smiling stupidly as he turned to pay.
“I’d’ve put roses in there too,” you told him once you were back on the sidewalk. “But this is only a first date. It might’ve been a little intense.”
“Roses?” he asked. You hummed in response, plucking the flowers out of his hand as you continued in the direction of the restaurant he was meeting his date at. “Good to know, you know, for the future.”
The walk to the date spot was only about ten minutes long and most of it was spent talking about your plans for the weekend as opposed to his date. He was going to be away with the team and you had plans to visit family. You kept thinking to yourself that you needed to stop getting distracted by him and his good looks and his sweet disposition. He was dating someone, and that person was not and would not be you, but he kept surprising you with the way he weaseled himself into your life.
“We’ll have to hang out next week sometime, then,” he said, snatching the flowers back out of your hand playfully. You nodded, but you were taken by surprise. It didn’t make sense that he’d want to hang around you without getting something out of it, whether it was dating advice or something more. Clearly, Nate didn’t care and you were beginning to wonder if maybe you’d get a beautiful friendship out of this nonsense.
“Any last-minute advice?”
“Don’t say anything dumb,” you said to him, emboldened by the realization that you might actually be friends now. Nate laughed out loud. “You think I’m just being funny, but sometimes you say stupid shit.”
“Jeeze,” he muttered. “Way to fuck up my self-esteem right before a date.”
“Oh, please.” You rolled your eyes and came to a stop just before the crosswalk he’d be using. He slowed to a stop as well, the bouquet of flowers falling to his side as he looked down at you. You reached out to right them with an amused smile. “Careful with these.”
“Got it, boss.”
You stalled a moment more, gazing at the flowers. You almost felt jealous of the girl going to dinner with Nate because those flowers would look perfect in a vase on your dining room table. “God, I really hope she appreciates those.”
The tone of your voice took Nate by surprise. It sounded a little sad, and full of yearning, and he felt kind of bad that he’d be walking away with the flowers you’d been admiring the entire walk from the florist. Even so, you said your goodbyes and he watched you turn on your heel to head home. He felt stuck in place, eyes trained on your retreating frame while his feet were cemented to the sidewalk. Before he could second guess himself, and his motives, he called out your name.
“Wait, YN!” When you turned, he was halfway down the sidewalk to you and, once he was within arm’s length, he plucked a sunflower from the bouquet and extended it. “For you.” Your cheeks felt red hot as your fingers curled around the stem. You hoped he couldn’t notice a blush. If he did, he didn’t make it known and left with a simple, “I’ll talk to you later.”
A stupid smile sat on your lips the entire way home. You felt the thumping of your heart long after you’d entered your place and placed the flower in the dining table vase. No matter what you found yourself doing that night, Nate remained at the back of your mind. You swore to yourself that it was because you wondered how his date was going, nothing more. But, when your eyes kept finding their way to the sunflower on the dining room table, you worried that maybe the reason you couldn’t stop thinking about him was something more.
---
You grabbed dinner with Mel the next Tuesday. Because of your trip to visit family, the two of you agreed to take a week off and reschedule some sort of get together for Tuesday. Gabe was home so he’d be with Linnea, and you were just happy that it wasn’t Monday. She was in the middle of a story when your phone lit up beside you; Nate’s name was on full display.
When’s our next lesson?
You snatched the phone off the table and away from Mel’s prying eyes, hoping that it wouldn’t peak her curiosity. The movement itself was enough to stir her, though, and Mel was soon leaning forward to see what was going on. She reached out and pushed the phone down, craning her neck to read the text.
“Next lesson?” she asked, eyebrow quirking. “Who is this?”
“It’s Nate MacKinnon.”
You said it so quickly and so nonchalant that Mel actually continued picking at her brunch before she reacted. Her fork clattered to the plate. “Did you just say Nate MacKinnon?”
“This,” you began gesturing at her wild eyes and wicked smile, “is exactly why I didn’t tell you.”
“Why?” she asked, feigning innocence. “Because I’m totally going to take this and run with it?” You dropped your face in your hands. “You should go for it. He’s a little dumb, but mostly cute. You definitely have the patience to deal with him though.”
“Mel, it’s not like that at all,” you told her. “I’m helping him learn how to be more romantic.” Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline in shock. “I’m serious. You know just as well as I do that he’s bad dating. He asked for my help after we met. I have enough experience with douchebags to tell him what not to do.”
“You sure do,” Mel agreed. You laughed at her response and an easy smile spread across her face. “Maybe teaching him a thing or two about how to be romantic will remind you of what you deserve.”
You sighed, picking up the coffee in front of you to take a sip. Mel knew better than anyone, besides Mara, how shitty the guys in your life had been. She met your ex last year just before your break up and she hated him from the moment you introduced the two. He never deserved you and her heart broke the longer you spent wasting your time on him. When you finally ended it, she was your biggest supporter.
You left the message unanswered, not wanting to give her anymore ammo in what was sure to be her new mission. When she got up to head to the bathroom before the check came, you opened the message from him. The last conversation was from Saturday night and he was letting you know that the girl he’d gone out with was looking forward to their next date.
What do you need help with now?
Do you know how to cook?
---
Lesson #2: A Homemade Meal
“I can’t believe you don’t know how to cook,” you grunted as soon as Nate pulled his apartment door open on Friday night. The grin on his face was anything but apologetic and you pushed past him with two large grocery bags in hand. You brought them to the kitchen and began unpacking them onto the counter.
“I do know how to cook, by the way,” he said, stepping up beside you to help you remove everything from the bags. You eyed him skeptically. “Mostly just the basic meats and vegetables.”
“You can’t cook a date your pregame meal.”
Nate knew that. He wasn’t that stupid, but he did love saying stupid shit around you. You tended to roll your eyes at him, but your lips always gave away how you really felt about his stupidity. The right side always curled up into a smirk, like you were trying to fight the laughter bubbling in your chest. He loved it when you did that.
“Is this, like, a meal your ex used to make?” he asked after grabbing some spices from the cabinet. You were grateful that his back was turned because the easy smile on your lips disappeared at the reminder of him. You busied yourself with the pot of water on the stove and set it to boil.
“No, my ex never actually made dinner for me,” you answered in a poor attempt to keep your voice steady.
Nate stopped prepping the meat and turned to face you. Questions sat on the tip of his tongue, begging for him to ask, but you wouldn’t look at him. He felt a little bit angry at your confession, though he couldn’t quite place why. Admittedly, he had been that boyfriend before – the one that didn’t cook dinner. Now, he was mad at himself for ever being that guy.
When you didn’t turn to look at him, he dropped the subject. You worked in silence, you busy with the pasta and him with the chicken. As you waited for the food to be ready, you hiked yourself up onto the counter. Nate grabbed a bottle of red wine from the end of the counter and poured glasses for the both of you.
He stood across from you with a dish towel over his shoulder and his own glass of wine in his palm. He asked about work and you filled him in on all the hot office gossip. The smile on his face didn’t fall once as he listened to your stories, and he never tried to change the subject or take over the conversation for himself. After a while, you stopped.
“I’ve been talking forever.”
“Yeah, and I’ve been enjoying it,” he told you. You laughed. “I wish I could be a fly on the wall in your office.”
Feeling a bit bolder, you kicked your foot out and nudged his side. “Maybe I can take you to bring your pet to work day.”
Nate’s jaw dropped, a reaction you weren’t expecting, and you began laughing hysterically at his surprise. He placed his wine glass down beside him and took a step closer, wrapping a hand around your ankle to tug you closer to the edge of the counter. You yelped in surprise.
“Pet?” he asked. You wiggled your foot out of his grasp, giggles falling from your lips as he dropped his hand to his side. The oven started beeping, interrupting whatever moment you were having before it could continue. “Saved by the bell.”
“Looks good, Nate,” you praised as he pulled it out of the oven. “My mouth is watering.”
“Go sit down,” he ordered. “You have to evaluate my presentation and make sure I look good.”
Nate entered shortly after you sat down and placed the plates on either side of the table with a smile. He slipped back out and returned with the wine. There was mischievous glint in his eyes as he topped your glass off and added to his.
“How is it?” he asked, leaning back. A look of cockiness flashed over his features and you felt it in your stomach when you looked at the way his arms were crossed and his biceps filled out the sleeves of his t-shirt. You picked up your utensils and cut into the meal, picking up a bit of each piece before putting it in your mouth.
Nate leaned forward eagerly. He watched your eyes light up when the flavor hit your tongue and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. You nodded emphatically as you swallowed your first forkful. He cut into his own meal and the moment he took a bite, he moaned. The meal was so good that conversation was sparse and, by the end, it looked like your plates had been licked clean.
You didn’t stop Nate from filling your glasses again, though you figured you should have. The third glass always lowered your inhibitions.
“How pissed off would you be if I asked you about your ex?”
“Not pissed off,” you answered. You took a sip of the wine, then leaned your cheek in your palm as you spoke. “What do you want to know?”
Nate sat up at this, suddenly realizing that he hadn’t prepared himself with a question because he didn’t think you’d give him the go ahead. He let out a tuft of breath, took a sip from his glass, and thought. Finally, he asked, “Why’d you break up?”
“How long do you have?”
“As long as you need,” he answered. His voice was soft, comforting, and you felt yourself relax into the question.
“Honestly, I didn’t want to break up with him,” you began. “And, if I didn’t have friends like Mel and Mara, I might still be with him. Things have changed now, though. I realize what a crap human being he was but, if I stayed with him, I don’t think I would’ve realized how much better I deserved.”
“Did you fight a lot?”
“Do I seem like the fighting type?” you teased. He shook his head. “He did enough fighting for the both of us. He would yell at me for no reason sometimes, just because he felt like it.”
Nate was angry. His features were contorted in distaste as you told him about your ex. Even though you tried to make light of the situation with a few light-hearted jokes, Nate couldn’t find it within in him to react with laughter. You deserved so much better than what you’d been given.
“When I broke up with him, Mara was there. We packed my things and moved it all out. I was going to leave a note, but he came home from work early and caused a scene. He went out the night after and sent me all these videos and pictures of him out with his friends. They were flipping me off, girls were draped all over him, etcetera. I blocked him the next morning and I haven’t seen him since. That was over a year ago.”
“Fuck,” he muttered, dropping his head in his hands. He felt ashamed. “That’s why you yelled at me.”
“Yep,” you answered. “Emotions got the best of me.”
“I don’t blame you.”
Silence filled the room and you felt vulnerable. You didn’t share the story about your tumultuous relationship often, but with Nate it just slipped out. You grabbed your glass from the table and finished it off.
“I’m not staying for another,” you announced. Nate sat back, his face flashing with an offended expression. As you gathered the plates from the table, you tried to ignore the knots in your stomach that were becoming more and more prevalent when he was around. “Nothing good ever happens after the third glass. But, if I was your real date, I would definitely stay for a fourth and you would probably get to kiss me at the end of the night simply for how good that meal was.”
The words fell from your lips so easily that it shocked you and you hoped that the playful tone of your voice wouldn’t scare him off. You gathered yourself before turning back to look at him. He was still sitting at the table, chair pushed back with one arm over the back of it. The way he was looking at you was lethal, eyes drinking you in as you stood in his kitchen. You couldn’t tell if you were imagining the tension or it was real.
“Thank you for dinner,” you said finally. You grabbed your bag from the counter and pulled it over your shoulder as you headed for the door. Nate stood then to walk you out, pulling the door open as you slipped into your sneakers. “It was delicious.”
“Thank you for teaching me how to cook something actually good,” he said. “Poor girl would’ve been eating chicken and vegetables or pasta if you hadn’t come by.”
“Can’t let that happen, can we?” you asked. “Let me know how dinner goes.”
Nate leaned down, wrapping an arm around your waist to tug you into a warm embrace. You melted into his arms as yours came up and around his neck. For a moment, the two of you just stood there in each other’s arms. You wondered if he could feel the beat of your chest again him. It sped up as his hands flattened against your back, crossing over each other to engulf you completely.
“I’m not that kind of guy,” he said. He leaned his cheek on the top of your head and his chest rumbled beneath your own cheek as he spoke. “You know that, right?”
Your blinked away tears before he couldn’t notice then and nodded in response to his question.
When he pulled back, he leaned in to press a kiss to your cheek and his lips caught the corner of your mouth. An electric shock coursed through your bloodstream and you pulled back quick before offering one last smile and tossing a goodbye over your shoulder.
---
Nate called you the next Friday night with plans for Saturday.
“Mel and Gabe invited a bunch of the guys over and she told me I should see what you were doing tomorrow.” he said. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you much since last week. The guys would love to meet you.”
“Meet me?” you asked. “So, it’ll be more than just the ones I know?”
“A few more,” he answered with a laugh. “They’ll love you, okay? I’ll be at your place to get you at 5:30.”
It was the first time you were going to see him since you made dinner together last Friday. You exchanged a few texts throughout the week, but nothing of substance. You knew his dinner date went well, though you didn’t know to what extent. You found yourself wondering if she stayed for that additional glass of wine after dinner, or if she stayed for the night after.
He showed up to your apartment wearing a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows. You welcomed him in while you went back to your room to get your heels on. He gaped at the dress you were wearing as soon as you had your back to him. His eyes wandered over your curves as you bent to grab your heels from the floor in your bedroom. When your dress slid up your thighs, he had to force himself to look away.
You tried to get more details about his dinner date out of him on the way to Mel’s, but he kept quiet. She liked dinner, she stayed for an extra glass of wine, and then she went home at the end of the night. An invisible weight lifted from your shoulders upon hearing she didn’t stay the night and you settled back into his passenger seat.
Nate noticed the way you relaxed into the seat and tore his eyes from the road for just a moment to sneak a peek at you. You were watching the world go by from the window, unaware that he was even looking at you. When he turned his attention back to the road, all he could think about was his sweaty palms and accelerated heartrate. Why did he care so much about what you thought?
Everyone was already at the house when you pulled up. The two of you walked up the driveway, his hand against your lower back much like it had been in the florist. Mel opened the door, lunging to sweep you into her arms and whisk you to the kitchen, her husband and your, well, Nate left behind.
“Thanks for having me, Mel.”
She handed you a drink complete with a salted rim and said, “I’m glad Nate asked if you could come.”
“Nate asked?” you repeated. She affirmed with a nod and ushered you to join the others in the living room while she and Gabe finished dinner.
You swore half the team was there, which meant not one seat was open on their couch. As you passed Nate, he grabbed your hand and sat you on the arm of his chair. He pulled your legs over his lap and began introducing you to the boys you didn’t already know.
You caught Cale’s eyes and felt heat rise to your cheeks. Out of everyone in the room, he was the only one making note of the lack of space between you two. Though you weren’t technically sitting in his lap, it still felt a little inappropriate. Nate’s hand was like fire where it rested against your thigh and you had to remind yourself to stop peeking at the placement.
Nate lied about your invitation to dinner, and for what? He could’ve just invited you himself instead of disguising it as a joint decision between him and Mel. What was he so afraid of that he couldn’t man up and admit he wanted you there? Better yet, why didn’t he ask Gianna?
You somehow ended up seated away from Nate at the dinner table. Cale settled in on one side of you and EJ occupied the other. Across from you sat JT and Tyson, bickering as always. You don’t know how you ended up separated from Nate, but you welcomed it because you needed the breathing room.
The meal was delicious, but Nate couldn’t even enjoy it because you were so far away. He was going to get fucking whiplash because of the way he kept looking back to see who you were talking to or hear what you were laughing at. How did he even end up this far down from you?
On the other hand, he couldn’t stop the smile that kept creeping up to his lips when he saw you with his teammates. They loved you, probably almost as much as he did, and he was proud to have you by his side that night. But then came the harsh reality that you weren’t actually his to show off.
When the party relocated, he made sure to slide up next to you on the way to the couch. EJ’s laughter mocked him, but you didn’t catch on to his teammate’s playful ribbing. With Gabe and Mel’s eyes in the room, he didn’t pull you over his lap and opted to lower his arm over the back of the couch instead. There were just inches between your skin and his but, after having you on his lap earlier, it felt like miles.
Drinking games were played, stories were shared, and you all left the house with full bellies and large smiles. Nate was driving, so he eased up on the drinks after dinner. You, on the other hand, were feeling just as free as you did after three glasses of wine at his place last week, and feeling daring enough to ask him the question that’s been on your mind all night.
“Why did you tell me that Mel asked you to invite me?”
“What are you talking about?”
“When you invited me, you said that Mel told you to,” you explained in a slow voice as if you were breaking the situation down to a child. “But she said that you asked if you could invite me.”
“Why does it matter where the invite actually came from?” he asked. A slight panic was rising in his chest because he didn’t have an answer for you. This wasn’t supposed to come back around to you. “Everybody wanted you here anyway.”
“Why didn’t you ask Gianna?” you asked, stepping down to join him on the path to the driveway. He rolled his eyes at this, and you noted it because though you’d done it to him many times, he’d never done it to you. He began walking, so you followed. “Are you going to answer my question?”
“Because I didn’t want to introduce her to everyone yet,” he answered. “You just fit in with us.”
Nate saw your face fall and decided not to push the conversation any farther. He said something wrong, but he didn’t know what. As far as he thought, he was complimenting you. He was complimenting how easy going you were, how his friends got along with you so easily. You were already a part of the group. It was great.
You continued along to the car in silence, not bothering to argue with him over a dumb comment. He wanted friends, so you were giving him friends, but the touches and the invite to team dinner was something more than friends. You needed distance. And he needed to figure his shit out, fast.
---
Lesson #3: Meeting the Friends
Something changed. When Nate dropped you off that night, he left you with a half-assed hug and a quiet goodbye. You couldn’t catch a wink of sleep that night because something changed. But then, Nate texted you tomorrow and tried to carry on as normal. Things weren’t normal.
And you knew that for sure when Nate didn’t invite you to EJ’s house the next weekend. Mel invited you instead and since you could never say no to Mel, you went. The thought of texting Nate to let him know passed briefly through your head, but the sheer fact that he hadn’t even bothered to talk to you about it in the first place was enough to decide against it.
When you entered EJ’s living room, you knew exactly why he hadn’t asked. Gianna was sitting on his lap, fingers curling through his hair as they talked. Anger rose in you no matter how hard you tried to suppress it. Just last week he said he didn’t want to bring her around and now she was here? Now she was here and he couldn’t even talk to you?
There was an uproar as Nate’s teammates noticed you standing in the doorway and Nate’s eyes cut to you in surprise. You lifted your hand in a pathetic wave before Cale was wrapping his arm around your shoulders and leading you to the kitchen.
“Who’s the girl with Nate?”
“His new girlfriend,” you answered, hoping that you didn’t sound bitter. “I don’t even know if that’s the right title for her, but they’ve been on a few dates.”
Cale let out a soft hum, his tone indecipherable, just as Tyson entered the room.
“What’s the deal with Nate’s new girl?” he asked as soon as he saw it was just you and Cale in the room. When you didn’t answer, he nudged you for an answer.
“What do you mean?” you asked.
“Well, she’s no you.”
---
Nate couldn’t help but ask himself, “What the fuck are you doing?”
As you were pulled into his teammates arms, he watched and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to get up and hug you too or if he just wanted to disappear. When Gianna’s fingers gripped his bicep, he decided he wanted the latter.
That’s when you looked at him, of course, and the smile that was on yours lips faded just a bit. At least, that’s what he thought. You lifted your hand in a wave before Cale was looping his arm around your shoulders and directing you towards the kitchen.
“Who was that?” Gianna asked, fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck.
He looked up at her with a simple answer. “One of our friends.”
Gianna kissed him and for the first time since he met you, Nate thought about what it would be like to kiss you instead. He brought her to EJ’s in a pathetic attempt to right the way he was feeling about you, but it only made it worse.
---
“Nate was weird last night,” Mel murmured after Cycle the next morning. You were waiting for her to say something. Since all the guys made comments the night before, you knew Mel was next. “Did you guys fight?”
“Fight? Me and Nate?” you repeated, stalling for time. “We didn’t fight.”
“What did you think of his girlfriend?”
“I actually didn’t get to talk to her,” you answered. You shrugged, giving the illusion that you didn’t care all that much even though you were fuming. After all the help you’d given him, he couldn’t be bothered to introduce you to her? And that wasn’t all. He hardly spoke to you all night, only entertaining conversations with you when someone else was around. You ended up spending most of the night with EJ.
“My sitter just bailed for tomorrow.” She’d been tapping away at her phone for a few minutes, no doubt panicking to Gabe. You watched her a moment longer as you wondered what her plans were for the next day. Then, it occurred to you.
“There’s a game tomorrow, right?” you asked. She nodded, still typing out messages to whoever was on the other end of the phone. “I can watch Linnea tomorrow. Don’t worry about finding a sitter.”
“I couldn’t ask you to do that.” She waved you off absentmindedly and continued talking, “Besides, I thought Nate had a ticket for you or something. Didn’t he ask you to go?”
“Tomorrow?” you said incredulously. “No, absolutely not. Isn’t it like a WAG game? It would make no sense for me to be there.”
“Oh,” she murmured. “I just thought that he told Gabe,” she paused and noticed your set jaw. You were clearly not Nate’s biggest fan at the moment, so she decided to tread carefully. “You know what? Nevermind. I would love it if you could watch Linnea.”
---
As expected, Linnea was an angel the next day. You spent the time lounging in their living room with the game on TV while you played together. She took a bottle in the middle of the game and you brought her to her nursery once she’d been burped to rock her to sleep. But, you couldn’t quite peel yourself from the chair to put her in her crib. She was sleeping so peacefully and for the first time in a while you felt calm, so you stayed with her in your arms long after she’d fallen asleep.
You didn’t know what time it was when Gabe and Mel got home, but you heard their car doors close. You waited for them to happen upon you in the nursery, so you were surprised when it was Nate that knocked at the door.
“Hi,” he whispered, stepping into the room. He studied the decorations as he approached the rocking chair you were sitting in. When he stepped up beside you and admired Linnea, you tried not to look up at him. You knew it wouldn’t help the butterflies in your stomach, but you did it anyway. He was smiling down at the peanut in your arms. “Mel and Gabe are in the kitchen. They saw you on the baby monitor and told me to come get you.”
“Okay, I’ll put her down and meet you in there.”
“I can wait for you,” he said, stepping away. You stood, cradling Linnea to the crib and then craning to put her down in the center. Nate was watching you intently from the doorway with an unreadable expression on his face.
He stepped out into the hallway first, but he wasn’t walking towards the kitchen. He stood, waiting for you to stepped out into the hallway and look at him. You gave him a half-assed smile, still feeling a little hurt that things had been so weird between you two, and he asked, “Are we okay?”
“We’re fine,” you answered. He wasn’t convinced, but you reached up and shoved him lightly to get him to move down the hall. He didn’t budge, hand coming up to grasp yours against his chest. The beating of his heart sat right at your fingertips. “How was your game?”
“It was good,” he answered. “I wish you were there.”
“Well, then, you should’ve asked me to come,” you said, quite boldly. His lips parted, but whether it was to speak or not you wouldn’t know because you were continuing down the hallway without him.
You slipped into the kitchen to find Mel, leaving the men on the couch in the living room. The moment you stepped in, she was turning to greet you with a smile. You hissed, “Are you behind this?”
“I mentioned you were babysitting, his eyes lit up, and Gabe was the one to invite him over.”
“Team effort?”
She feigned an apologetic smile before ushering you out to rejoin the boys. Gabe got the fire going and Mel curled in his chest once he settled back on the couch. You sat on the other end, legs extended towards Nate in the corner. You felt his eyes whenever there was a suspended silence. You knew he was thinking about you, and selfishly you relished in the attention.
“YN, did you know that Nate’s parents were visiting next weekend?” Gabe asked during a lull in conversation. Nate glared at him, but the Swede happily ignored his buddy at the center of the couch. His eyes cut to you.
“I didn’t,” you answered. “But that’ll be fun. I know how much you missed them.”
All he could offer was a stupid ‘yeah’ before Mel swooped in to save the entire group from a very awkward moment.
Nate was going to kill Gabe. He was going to kill Gabe, but first he had to make a decision. He knew exactly what he had to do. It felt like you were a thousand miles away, not only physically but emotionally. Gabe should’ve kept his mouth shut. He was going to have you meet his parents, he just hadn’t gotten the chance to ask. Now, he looked like a dick. You couldn’t even look him in the eye.
“I was going to tell you about my parents,” he said, practically chasing you down the driveway after you ducked out while he was in the bathroom. To his surprise, you stopped walking and waited for him to catch up. “Seriously.”
“It’s getting hard to believe that, Nate,” you said. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head.”
Nate felt his heart sink. He began to rack his brain for a way to salvage the conversation, but it was too late by the time you reached your car. You stopped before opening the door to look up at him.
“You’re thinking too much.”
“I just—I know you’re upset with me,” he began. “I want to make it better. We haven’t really talked since EJ’s, and that’s on me.”
“Were you going to invite me today?” you asked. He gave you a curious look. “To the game. Mel mentioned something about it at Cycle. That you told Gabe you were thinking about giving your ticket to me.”
Nate ran his hand over his face. The Landeskogs had really gotten him into some trouble here, and he wasn’t sure it was accidental.
“You’re the one I wanted at the game,” he admitted. “I wanted to invite you, but I knew how bad it would look if I didn’t ask Gianna.”
“So, you invited her,” you concluded.
“No.”
You looked at him in shock, mouth agape, and asked, “You’d rather no one go than give the ticket to her?”
“Well, when you put it that way,” he grumbled. You threw your arms up in surrender, hoping the words would sink in. “I don’t know, YN.”
“Yes, you do,” you argued. He kept his mouth shut at that, knowing you had enough. You sighed heavily, allowing the conversation to roll off your back. “When are your parents going to be here?”
“Saturday morning.”
“What are you planning to do?”
“They’ll be at my game in the afternoon and then I was getting us a reservation for dinner,” he trailed off only momentarily. “I haven’t made it yet because I was going to invite you, but Gabe beat me to the punch in there.”
“What about Gianna?”
“YN, if I didn’t want her at my game, why would I want her to meet my parents?” he asked. He made it sound like you were asking the stupidest question in the world. But, he wasn’t answering the most important one. Was he breaking up with her? You wanted to ask, but part of you didn’t want the disappointment. He worried while you thought.
“I’m around on Saturday,” you answered. He smiled, and you forced one back. You hated the feeling between you two. The air between you had never been so stuffy and you wanted to clear it. “Anything else you wanna tell me before the Landeskogs do? Is Sid actually your long-distance girlfriend?”
Nate laughed loudly as he stepped away. He answered your question cryptically, “No, nothing to tell you right now. Not yet.”
---
Lesson #4: Meeting the Family
You planned to meet Nate at his apartment before dinner since his parents had gone to the hotel upon arrival. On the way, you picked up a box of pastries from your favorite bakery. You were taught to do little things for important people, and anyone who was important to Nate felt important to you. You tried not to think about the implications of having dinner with his parents, but it was hard to shake the nerves.
“What’s this?” he asked as soon as he opened the door. His finger slid over the logo on the top of the pastry box, eyes catching on the word bakery. When he looked up at you, his eyes were shining. “For me?”
“For your family,” you told him. “Don’t get any ideas.”
“I thought maybe you heard about my break up and you were trying to comfort me,” he said like it wasn’t breaking news. “I’ll put these in the kitchen.”
“You broke up?” you asked, following him to the kitchen. You stopped in the doorway as he put the pastries on the counter. He nodded simply as he cleared some clutter from the countertop. You could see his muscles moving beneath his navy polo. Guiltily, you couldn’t stop yourself from admiring the way the sleeves hugged his biceps or the wide expanse of his back and shoulders. “What happened, Nate?”
“We can talk about it later, alright?”
“Are you single or not?” you asked. Nate caught the frustration in your tone and he’d be lying if it didn’t make him want to kiss you right then. You needed to know what was going on with him, and that made him feel good about whatever was going on between you two.
Nate started to exit the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway beside you. You were crowded against his chest as he smiled down at you and answered, “Yeah, I’m single.”
You released a breath once he stepped out of the doorway. He slipped his shoes on while you stood nearly the front door. He caught the look on your face, a little scrunched up as you spaced out. You were thinking too much, worrying about what happened with him and Gianna. When he walked back over to the front door, he took you by the hips and said, “We can talk about it later, if you want. Right now, I just want to be with you and my family.”
---
“I’m nervous,” you admitted as Nate pulled up to valet outside the restaurant. He looked at you in shock. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not gonna make fun of you,” he promised. He reached over and dropped his hand to your thigh. You pouted at him, and his first instinct was to lean over the center console and kiss it off your lips. He knew better than to risk it all just before dinner, so he grabbed your hand and dropped a kiss to your palm instead. “You’ll be fine. No need to be nervous.”
A heavy sigh left your lips as he stepped out of the car. He rounded the front and opened the passenger door for you, grabbing your hand as you stepped out. After he handed his key to the valet, he laced his hands in yours and led you into the restaurant.
The MacKinnons were already at the table that had been reserved for them. There was uproar of cheers when they saw Nate walk in. You stole a peek at his face and the pure joy on it set your heart aflame. He dropped your hand as you approached the table to hug his parents and sister. They introduced themselves to you as well, sweeping you up in tight embraces like they had with Nate.
“It’s great to finally meet you,” they spoke as they hugged you.
Nate pulled your chair out from across his mother and then situated himself beside you. The menus were passed out and Nate whispered suggestions in your ear while his family members debated their own meals. She took the time to calm her nervous. Parents loved her, so there was no reason to freak out. Eventually the drinks were handed out, orders were taken, and the chaos at the table stopped.
“Now, how’d you two meet again?” his mom asked. You looked at each other, stupidly, both stammering in response until Nate got his shit together.
“We met through friends,” he answered simply. Then, his lips curled up and he said, “She yelled at me.” You dropped your face into your hands, embarrassed by the picture he was painting of you, but they took it in stride, laughing at your expression. “It wasn’t that bad.”
He continued, “As you guys know, I’ve been very unlucky in my personal life.” Sarah snorted at this. Their mother smacked her knee as a scolding. “I literally suck at being romantic and all the guys were joking around about it after I’d just been broken up with. YN called me out, so I asked her to teach me how to be romantic.”
“Well, what’d you learn?”
“How to cook a meal other than my pregame types, and I also have a new favorite florist,” he said. He reached into his back pocket for his wallet and flipped it open to slip out their business card. You didn’t realize he grabbed one. “There are some other things, like her wine rule.”
“Wine rule?”
“Nothing good ever happens after the third glass of wine,” you explained. They laughed at that, though they seemed bewildered by your reasoning.
Nate elaborated, “It just means that if your date stays for a fourth glass, you’ll probably get lucky.”
This earned him a smack on the arm from both his sister and yourself.
Nate’s family was just as kind as he was and it was clear how much they all adored each other. You fit in seamlessly, at least that’s how it felt, and when they asked the waitress to take a picture of them, Nate tugged you into his side to keep you in the frame.
“Take one without me,” you urged him. He just shook his head, gazing down at the picture on his phone. He passed it off to his parents and sister for approval. “Nate.”
“I want you in the picture,” he whispered to you. His hand came up to the back of your neck and he pulled you in to place a chaste kiss to your temple. He pulled away, like kissing you in public and on the forehead was normal now, and asked, “How was your food?”
When you got back to his place after dinner, you presented his mother with the pastries and earned a hug and kiss on the cheek as a thank you. They settled into the kitchen as he made drinks, chatting as a family about the people back home and his life in Denver. You slipped out to go to the bathroom, and give them some alone time.
“I like her,” you overheard his mother say as soon as you slipped out of the kitchen. You slowed your steps on your pursuit to the bathroom even though you knew it would be best to keep walking. You couldn’t help but be a little nosy.
“That’s good to hear,” Nate said. You smiled to yourself. “I like her, too.”
---
Nate’s family only stayed for another hour before you were bidding them farewell from his front door. They squeezed you and thanked you for the pastries, and then began inviting you to visit before Nate had to shut it down. Your heart felt full after spending the night with them, but sitting alone in Nate’s apartment in anticipation of what was to come was scaring the shit out of you.
Your hands were a little shaky and your palms were definitely sweaty. There was change coming, change that was already present, and you were both excited and terrified for it. Nate reentered the apartment not long after. When he saw you sitting on the couch, he released a breath he’d been holding.
“Are you going to stay for another glass?” he asked after locking the door behind him. “That one’s only your second.”
You eyed his smile, heart beat stuttering a bit beneath his gaze, and lifted the glass to your lips to finished what was left. You nodded and followed him into the kitchen. While he filled both your glass and his, you picked yourself up onto the counter like you’d done so many times before.
“I did a bad thing,” he murmured after handing your glass back to you. You raised a brow at him as he reached over to one of the cabinets and opened it to reveal two pastries in a Ziploc bag. “I stole two of them from my mom.”
“Nate!” you exclaimed. He chuckled at your exasperation. “I can bring you to that bakery whenever you want! Your parents don’t live here! It was a gift!”
“And they have the other eleven pastries,” he argued. “They’re not going to miss two.”
Reluctantly, but still with a smile, you took a pastry from his hand. You bit into it at the same time, eyes lighting up at the taste. At the sight of each other’s faces, you were doubled over in laughter before you had the chance to swallow what was in your mouth. You looked away from him to regain composure and only looked back when you were sure you wouldn’t choke.
“Those were fucking good.”
“Only the best for your mom.”
“Thank you,” he spoke. “For the pastries and for hanging out with my family today. I’m sure you had other things to do, but it meant a lot. They’ve been hearing a lot about you.”
“I had a lot of fun with them,” you said. His smile was soft, shy even, and he watched you carefully as you sipped from the glass in your hand. “It was nice to meet the people who made you who you are.”
“Wait until you meet Sid.”
You decided to move from the kitchen to the living room in favor of more comfortable seating. He reached his hand out behind his back, and you linked your fingers with his lazily so he could lead you to the couch. You slowed to a stop as he sat down, legs spread to pull you between them. Your hesitation caused a look of confusion to flash over his features.
“Can you tell me what’s going on inside your head now?” you asked, placing your glass down on the table beside the arm of the couch. He followed suit, then placed his hand delicately at your hip to urge you closer.
“Sure, I can,” he answered. He pulled you into his lap. You looped her arms around his shoulders as he flattened one hand against your back and curled the other around your thigh. “I don’t want to waste those romance rules on someone I don’t really like all that much.”
“You really didn’t like her?” you asked meekly. Of fucking course he didn’t like her, you were thinking. You were in his lap, not her, but you still couldn’t wrap your head around it. “Why?”
“The only reason I looked forward to going on dates with her was because I got to spend time with you before,” he confessed. You felt it all through your body. “I broke up with her the morning after we were at Gabe’s together. After you called me out on my bullshit, I knew I was being stupid.”
“Why me, though?”
“Because you deserve the world and I want to be the one to give it to you.”
It was only natural for you to lean in and capture his lips with yours. After all this time spent waiting and beating around the bush, you didn’t want to wait a second more. It was passionate, and new, and exciting. His hands held you close while your fingers curled into the back of his hair, but he wasn’t close enough.
You swung your leg over to straddle him, not caring that you were wearing a dress with just panties underneath. His hands flew to your hips as you grinded against him. You gasped against his lips at the friction as he held you tighter, teeth nipping at your bottom lip until you covered his mouth with yours again. He guided your hips to grind against him once more, but you braced your hands against his chest to push away.
“I’m not staying for a fourth glass,” you said breathlessly. He smiled up at you, eyes falling to your lips that were red and plump from kissing him. Kissing him! He leaned in, tongue swiping along his bottom lip, and pulled you down by the back of the neck.
He murmured through his kisses, “You didn’t even finish your third.”
At the challenge in his voice, you reached over for the glass on the side table and finished what was left. He held you close, laughing against the crook of your neck. You giggled along with him until you felt his lips against your skin again and a gasp fell from your lips.
“You gotta leave before I pour number four,” he warned, breath ghosting over your neck. He kissed your neck again, this time sucking lightly enough to earn a strangled moan. You pushed back against his chest and stood, flustered as you adjusted your dress and your hair. Nate couldn’t help but smile as he watched you cross the room for your purse. He grabbed a pillow and held it over his lap to hide his hard-on.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked as you put your heels on the end of the couch. He was admiring your flushed cheeks and your wild hair as you busied yourself. You fastened the strap on each heel before looking back at him. It took everything in you to not go back over there and unbutton the rest of his shirt.
“Nothing,” you answered as you stood. He followed suit, adjusting his dress pants just a bit so he was comfortable and making you giggle in the process. He stepped up beside you and pulled you against him again. He placed one, two, three kisses against your neck then your jaw then your lips.
“Let me make you dinner.”
---
Nate wasn’t going to be able to keep his hands to himself. He knew that the second you walked out of your room in that little black dress, but he was really trying to be on his best behavior. It was technically only your first date and he wanted to impress you. You just weren’t helping very much. As soon as you were in his car, you were grabbing his hand and lacing it with yours to drop them into your lap.
He was a little nervous that he wasn’t going to be able to pull this off. He was sure that he’d fuck up somewhere and you’d go running. And, truthfully, you could tell that he was overthinking every little thing he did. The tension in his shoulders as he moved about the kitchen to prepare everything for dinner was clear.
“What’s wrong with you?” you asked.
He gave you the most pathetic shrug and shake of the head as he tried to wave off your concern with a soft, “Nothing.”
“That’s a lie,” you called him out. “You look stressed.”
“I mean, I am a little stressed,” he admitted, diverting his eyes from yours as he headed over to the fridge. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
Before he knew it, you were standing between him and the refrigerator. You flattened your hands against his chest and slid them up until your hands were linked behind his neck. A slight tug on him was enough to get him to kiss you. He finally relaxed, arms dropping from the refrigerator door to grip your hips.
“You’re not going to fuck this up.”
“I don’t have a very good track record.”
“You do with me,” you said softly. He looked skeptical, not quite understanding what you meant, so you pressed against him as his arms enveloped you. “You gave me a sunflower the third time we were ever around each other. You’ve cooked me dinner already. Sure, it was under different circumstances, but it counts. Nate, you know exactly what you’re doing. Don’t overthink it.”
“Go sit,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You managed to calm his nerves better than anyone he’d ever known in a matter of seconds. “I’ll plate dinner and then I have to grab something for you, okay?”
Nate entered the dining room a minute later, placing both plates down across from each other before disappearing to grab wine glasses and another bottle of wine. Then, he was off down the hall to his bedroom. Your eyes followed him curiously, wondering what else he could possibly have up his sleeve. He’d already impressed you enough by cooking a meal you didn’t teach him.
“Oh, wow,” you breathed out when he appeared in the hallway with a bouquet of flowers. “Nate.”
“For you.”
You stood to take them from his hands and kiss him in thanks. When you pulled away, your fingers danced along the petals of the roses tucked between the sunflowers and baby’s breath Nate had grown to love too.
---
You filled your glass for a fourth time as inconspicuously as possible after your last bite of dinner, but Nate caught your eye over the bottle as you poured and you knew he knew what you were doing. He tried to stifle his smile unsuccessfully, picking up his own glass to cover it. One sip and his third glass was done.
“More?” you asked, extending the bottle in his direction.
“Four glasses?” he teased. “What do you take me for?”
“Okay, more for me then.”
Your voice was low, eyes dark as they settled on him, and suddenly he was lunging forward to grab the bottle and pour another glass for himself. Your giggles filled the room. He wanted them to echo off his walls forever.
“I want to take a picture with you,” he said. You gave him a curious look, though your stomach was doing cartwheels at the suggestion. “I keep thinking about your empty picture frame and I want you to have something to put in it.”
“We can take a selfie,” you suggested. He was quick to shake his head, pushing away from the table to take your hand and lead you to the patio. He pulled the phone from his back pocket and set it up against the couch. He removed the glass from your hand to place it out of view of the camera.
“Now, this is quite the set up,” you murmured as he moved furniture out of the way so there was ample space to take the photo. Denver’s city lights were sure to be the perfect backdrop and having Nate beside you wasn’t too bad either.
“Well, it has to be perfect if it’s going in your office.”
“How do you know I’ll even want to put it in the frame?” you asked. Nate pressed the timer and turned to walk back at you, smirk on his lips. You were teasing him, but you were playing innocent with those doe eyes. He curled around you, arms pulling your back against his chest to pose for the picture.
“After tonight, I’m sure you will,” he murmured in your ear. “Smile.”
The audacity of a man who tells you to smile after igniting your entire body in goosebumps.
The camera went off in a sequence, five pictures for the one timer. You smiled twice before he reached up to turn your face to his for a kiss. The sound of the shutter had you pulling away from his lips with a giggle. He smiled down at you for the next photo as laughter spilled from your lips, and then he was kissing you again.
When you finally pulled away from him, all giggly and handsy, Nate dragged you along with him to his phone. He curled around you as he flipped through the photos, each one cuter than the one before.
“Are you saying you wouldn’t put that in your office?” he asked. His breath tickled the back of your neck. You were just trying to tease him before, but with the lack of space between you and the way he was looking at you in these photos, you just couldn’t tease him anymore. His fingers trailed up your arms, goosebumps rising in their wake once again.
“How’s that fourth glass of wine treating you?” you asked. Nate tucked the phone in his back pocket as you turned to face him. His hands were on you once they were free, curling over the curve of your ass.
“I shouldn’t have let you talk me into it,” he murmured against your lips. “I’m trying to be good, but it’s impossible to keep my hands to myself.”
“What if I don’t want you to keep your hands to yourself?” you against, arching your body to press against him. You could feel him hard against your hip and knew you had him exactly where you wanted him. You pressed your lips to his and, as you pulled away, you took his bottom lip between your teeth and sucked on it.
A growl ripped through his chest as he lifted you into his arms. Your legs came to wrap around his waist as he carried you into the apartment and slammed the patio door shut behind him. He dropped you onto the bed, one hand coming to tug you towards the end by the ankle. His hands spread your legs so he could step between them and they slid up your thigh, pushing your dress up as they went.
“You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to do this,” he murmured in your ear as his hands reached your hip, dress bunching around his wrists and revealing your lace panties to him. “Stealing touches in a crowded room just doesn’t compare.”
You lifted your arms as he guided the dress over your body and tossed it to the floor. At the sight of your match set, Nate pushed you up the bed and crawled over you. He peppered kisses along your skin from your collarbone to your chest. He worked his way down your stomach until reaching the top of your underwear. In on swift movement, your thong was on the floor and he was spreading your legs.
“So pretty,” he murmured, fingers spreading your folds. You moaned out as he slipped his finger in. “You like my fingers in your pussy, baby?” You could only manage to nod because he’d already slipped a second finger in. He curled them while he pressed a kiss against your inner thigh. “How about my tongue?”
Nate licked a stripe up your center and you gasped, hands flying down to curl into his hair as he continued to eat you out. He sucked on your pussy, continuing to thrust his fingers into and curl. He dragged moans out of you, obscene words dripped from your lips, and the filthy sound of his tongue filled the room.
“You taste so good.”
You tried to grind against face for some more friction, but he held your hips down and continued. You whined, tugging his hair and arching your back as he brought you to orgasm.
“Nate, I’m gonna cu—” you moaned, toes curling at the feet of his lips around you. Suddenly, cool air shocked your core and your orgasm retreated. You sighed as your whole body sank into the bed at the absence of stimulation. Nate crawled up your buddy, licking a stripe up your neck before attaching his lips to yours.
“Sorry, baby,” he said. He nudged your knees apart and situated himself between them, hand falling to his dick as he lined it up with your entrance. “I just need you to cum on my cock.” You moaned as he pushed his head between your folds. “YN, as long as you’re mine, I’ll never make you feel like you don’t deserve all the most romantic things.”
You answered with a moan as he bottomed out inside you. He watched your face as you adjusted to his size and smiled as you whimpered, pulling your teeth between your lips. You felt so good around him and as he began to pull out and thrust in again, your nails dug into his biceps.
You knew he was trying to take his time, but you could hardly take it. As far as you were concerned, Nate would have all the time in the world to take it slow with you. Tonight was not that night.
“Fuck me harder.”
When you sounded like that beneath him, how could he say no? His previously slow and calculated thrusts became sloppy at your request. He relished in the sound of your moaning and the way you called his name like a prayer. You were unraveling beneath him and he wanted to get you there. He adjusted your leg over his shoulder so he could hit a new angle.
“Come on, baby,” he moaned against your lips. “I wanna see you cum for me.”
He reached down and placed his thumb against your clit, rubbing in circles as he pumped into you. You screamed out and your body arched as your orgasm ripped through you. Nate pumped into you a few moments more as he chased his high while listening to your whimpers. He spilled out into his condom as a string of curses left his lips, then collapsed onto of you to catch his breath.
Your fingers immediately found his hair as your breathing evened out together. His body was hot on yours and a sheen of sweat covered both of you. Nate’s fingers curled around your waist and into your skin, squeezing you like he needed to get closer but couldn’t. Finally, he pulled out of you and sat back on his knees.
“You’re so beautiful,” he sighed, hands rubbing up your stomach to cup your breasts. You shivered at his touch. “I never want to leave this bed.”
“Not even for shower sex?”
“Okay, maybe for shower sex,” he murmured. He picked you up, tossing you over his shoulder to carry you to the bathroom.
---
A few hours (and orgasms later), you were clothed in Nate’s sweats and t-shirt and waiting for him beneath the covers in bed. He was cleaning up the glasses you left on the patio and running the dishwasher, though he was quick to finish it up and return to you. You looked so cute propped up against the headboard that he couldn’t stop smiling as he got ready for bed. He pulled on a pair of sweats, but remained topless as he slid under the covers. Instead of pulling you down to rest on his chest, he dropped his head onto your stomach and pulled you tightly to him. Your fingers carded through his hair.
“Thank you for tonight, Nate,” you spoke. “This was the best first date I’ve ever been on.”
“I’m counting this as our fourth date,” he responded. You laughed at him, slapping his bicep lightly at his teasing. “Let’s be honest, I was trying to impress you this entire time anyway.”
“Consider me impressed.”
Nate pulled you down to eye level with him, heads on your respective pillows, and then turned to shut the lamp off beside him. When he turned back, he pulled you against his chest. With your ear to his chest, you listened to his heartbeat and his breathing as it evened out. His fingers scratched your back ever-so-slightly as if soothing you to sleep.
“Are you happy?” he asked. You looked up at him with a curious gaze. Could he not tell how happy you were?
“Of course, I am,” you answered. “Are you?”
“How could I not be?” he asked. “You’re so far out of my league.”
“No, I’m not,” you groaned. You covered your blushing face with your hands at his words, hoping that he couldn’t feel the beat of your heart. Nate was quick to tug them down, holding them against his own chest. He didn’t care if you felt how hard his heart was beating. In fact, he wanted you to know. He wanted you to know the effect you had on him.
“You feel my heart, right?” he asked. You nodded. “You did that. You do that to me every single time I’m around you.” Your eyes began to water and you tried to pull your hand away from his to wipe the water pooling in the corner. Nate grabbed both your hands with one of his and wiped it with his own thumb. “I’ll never let you go to bed thinking I don’t love you. I’m going to shower you with flowers from our favorite florist and buy you pastries from that little shop you like, and I’ll never make you feel like you need to stifle yourself and who you are on account of me.”
“Nate.”
“Just listen to me, alright?” he asked, voice soft. You nodded. “Your ex stuffed you down and he didn’t appreciate you. That’ll never happen with me, and if you feel like it is, you need to tell me, just like you did when we first met.”
You tried to stammer through some type of coherent response, but words failed, so you kissed him. His arms wrapped around your waist to pull you flush against him and your legs intertwined. He was intoxicating, you couldn’t get enough, but he felt just the same. He wondered how anyone had let you go before and simultaneously thanked them for the gift that was you.
That night, Nate vowed he’d never let you go to bed unhappy and he’d never let you feel any less than perfect. He waited forever for a partner like you, honest and kind, and he finally had it in his hands, in his bed. And you promised that you’d never love anyone as much as you loved him. You just knew it.
#nate mackinnon imagine#nate mackinnon fic#nate mackinnon#nhl imagine#hockey imagine#nathan mackinnon imagine#nathan mackinnon fic
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I love your filling in of the moonflower scene. Just the tenderness of it all 🥺
Do you think you might write a short piece about Dani finding the first grey in Jamie‘s hair in the future? Every time I see the gifsets of Jamie‘s (very sexy) grey strands I have to think about Dani‘s possible reaction
Jamie doesn’t tend to notice these things--little changes in her own appearance, little alterations made by the simple passage of time. Her attention, she scoffs when Dani laughs over her failing to pick up on a burr caught in her hair after a trip to the park, is better suited to other things. “World’s big,” she says, tilting her head to allow Dani to comb the remnants of whatever tree she’d walked beneath from her curls. “Why should I go wasting time starin’ at my own damn face?”
“Because it’s a good face,” Dani tells her. She doesn’t add that Jamie’s face, like everything about her, makes more sense than the rest of the world. That nothing about Jamie seems to come out of nowhere--every scrape and scar is accounted for with a story, every wrinkle turned out from the edge of her lips or around her eyes sparked by the familiarity of her frown, the inevitability of her smile. Everything about Jamie can be traced back to the honesty of time spent in the sun, or injuries incurred at work, or letting another year stroke its fingers across her skin.
She notices the first gray hair maybe five years in. They’re on a camping trip, small tent pitched just upshore of a gently lapping brook; Jamie, crouched beside the water to inspect a turtle, looks up with a grin, and Dani notes a flash of silver at the crown of her head.
She doesn’t point it out. It’s too easy to anticipate Jamie’s amused drawl: “Got a gorgeous beast right here, and you’re worried about my hair?” She tucks the knowledge safely away, entertained by the idea that Jamie is carrying a secret upon her own head and has no idea.
She says nothing, but her fingers seek out the unexpected silver the next time Jamie comes close enough. She trails her hand through rumpled hair, watching the familiar warmth of brown cascade across her skin, pleased to find several more bursts of light wound in among the dark.
“What?” Jamie asks, smile crooking the way it always does when she senses Dani is about to poke fun. “Bein’ a weirdo again.”
“Am not,” Dani replies, and kisses her.
It becomes a bit of a private game, an amusing turn of events: Jamie, the most naturally-observant human being in the world, has absolutely no idea she’s shot through with unexpected arcs of silver. No idea at all. At first, Dani thinks she’s intentionally ignoring the color leaching out of her hair; a flash of memory spirals back, Judy plucking what she called my little secret out by the strand and holding a finger to her lips as she reached for a box of red dye. Heavy maintenance is very much not Jamie’s speed, but maybe turning her cheek and feigning ignorance achieves the same goal.
A month goes by. A year. They’re turning up on their own time, these pops of colorless strands standing stark against dark waves, and Dani takes it upon herself to brush her fingers across each one she finds. She likes very much the depth they bring to Jamie’s hair, the way the sun catches a little differently when she turns her head. Likes the knowledge that each strand is a stamp of memory--proof of time spent.
Likes, most of all, that Jamie legitimately seems to have no idea. Jamie, who tugs a black elastic band off her wrist with her teeth, raking the messy tumble out of her eyes, perpetually annoyed with the curls that always seem to evade her hands. Jamie, who spends hours with a book in one hand and Dani’s hair sifting through her fingers, and still has absolutely no clue what’s happening on her own head.
“You’ve never cared, have you?” Dani asks one afternoon, watching Jamie sort through their spectacular collection of cassette tapes, little plastic cases clicking comfortably to break up the quiet. Jamie, cross-legged on the living room rug with Survivor’s Vital Signs in one hand and REO Speedwagon’s Hi Infidelity in the other, raises her eyebrows.
“Seemed silly to go alphabetical while they were multiplying like fuckin’ bunnies, but now we’ve slowed down a little--”
“About looks,” Dani corrects. She’s hanging half off the couch, the tips of her fingers brushing Jamie’s knee. Life has been getting less predictable lately, messier around the edges; she looks into mirrors with breath held tight in her lungs, uncertain of what will look back. Touching Jamie has become less about habit and more a matter of lifeline. “You’ve never cared about how you look. Maybe the only woman I’ve ever known to say that.”
“I care,” Jamie says, with very little defensiveness. It is astonishing sometimes, looking back at the woman she’d met in that manor kitchen, how little defense Jamie seems to have for her these days. Questions are met in good faith, answered in kind, like Jamie knows there’s nothing Dani could ask that would intentionally bear teeth. “Care when I need to.”
“Like when?”
“At the shop,” Jamie says, tossing aside a Paul Simon cassette with a wrinkle of her nose. She finds Pat Benatar instead, sets it in the pile between The Beatles and Blondie. “Always look professional, don’t I?”
“But you don’t like--think about it? What you’ll look like in twenty years? Or fifty?”
“Fifty, Christ.” Jamie rolls back her head, grinning. “Be a hell of a thing, stacking fifty more years on. What d’you think you’ll look like in fifty years, mm?”
Dani doesn’t answer. It’s too early to tell what the smudged face in the mirror might mean--too early to panic--but the idea of fifty years more with Jamie seems terrifyingly unlikely.
“Anyway.” Seeming to sense her unease, Jamie rocks up onto her knees, awkwardly shifting across the rug to lean against the couch. She braces a hand behind Dani’s head, her eyebrow arched. “You tryin’ to say I don’t pay enough attention to my looks? I don’t scrub up enough for you, is that it?”
Her fingers brush Dani’s ribs, digging in just hard enough to tickle. Dani squirms, laughter burbling out against Jamie’s neck.
She doesn’t bring it up again, preferring the secret of Jamie’s slowly graying hair held within her own heart. The threads are becoming more insistent as the years drift by, joining tiny lines etched into Jamie’s skin. Her hands, put through so much work, are comfortably worn at knuckle and fingertip. Her smile pulls the skin around her eyes a little tighter as they celebrate eight years--nine--ten.
She looks good with the extra age, Dani thinks. She wears it all so well, without pausing to prod at herself in the bathroom mirror; if she’s the least bit unnerved by the passage of time, she never lets it show. If Dani didn’t know better, she’d think Jamie never really looks at herself in the mirror at all.
Too busy looking at me, she thinks, and tries not to ache at the idea that Jamie has forgotten herself beneath the need to keep her attention on what she considers more important things. Like watching for one of Dani’s moods to spike up in public. Like waiting for Dani’s shoulders to hunch against ghosts only she can see.
Dani doesn’t look into mirrors herself much these days, either--though, every once in a while, a glimpse will sneak up. Just the barest flash of her own face in the passenger mirror of the car, or the idling bathwater. Sometimes--less and less often--the face waiting is even her own.
It is so her own, those days, that Dani finds herself embracing a new concern. Something odd, something she’s only started to really see in recent memory.
Jamie is starting to show her age, little by little. Not all at once, not in any way that is strange for a woman creeping into her forties--but the years are there, certainly, stamped gently into her skin. The years are threaded through her hair, these silver pops around which Dani’s hands seem to take on a mind of their own. There’s something wonderful, lively, even sexy about the way time is impacting Jamie--grounding her a little more every year, the natural wearing of all those hours hung like medals around her shoulders.
Dani, catching sight of herself in the bathtub, can’t help but notice: no one could say the same for her. Not that time is beating away at her, not that time is turning her to stone before she’s ready--but that time appears to be doing nothing at all. Her eyes bear no extra marks, though she has spent just as much time as Jamie laughing, frowning, holding her breath as the world spins beneath her. Her hands look just the same as they had in 1987.
Her hair is still stubbornly gold.
“Do you think it’s strange?” she whispers one night--not entirely sure if Jamie is even awake, not sure she can even bear the answer Jamie might give.
“What is?”
She swallows hard, fingers carding gently through Jamie’s hair. The gray seems to gleam in the glow of the streetlamp through their window.
“That I’m not...that I don’t look...”
Jamie pushes onto one elbow, peering at her in the dark. “You look like you,” she says, when Dani is unable to press on. “You look like Dani.”
She’s trying to answer the other question, Dani understands, the one being asked with greater frequency: am I here? am I me? what if I’m her, deep down, and have been all along? She shakes her head.
“That’s not...I’m not...”
Jamie waits, brow knit the way it always has when she’s listening. Even when her expression smooths out into sleep, that small divot will remain, etched into her skin like a tattoo memorializing all these late-night conversations. Dani reaches up, presses her thumb gently to it now, her breath hitching when Jamie turns to kiss her palm.
“It’s nothing,” she says. There’s no way to explain it without making Jamie worry more, worry again, lose yet more sleep watching for signs Dani is slipping away.
Jamie nods slowly, not quite believing, not quite daring to call out the lie. “All right,” she says, and the silver in her hair seems to burn, and Dani loves her enough to close her eyes and pretend everything is okay.
When morning comes, she wards off the thoughts. It’s easier, in daylight. Easier to turn her head, fix her eyes on Jamie, allow the familiarity of Jamie’s hands, smile, kiss sweep the fear back under the bed. The nights are long, the dark heavier than it has any right to be, but in sunlight, Jamie shines. The chain around her neck--the colors in her eyes--the silver shot through her hair. In sunshine, Jamie is the most alive any person can be.
And if she is, so must Dani be--because there is so much love in the way Jamie tips into her arms, so much affection in the sweep of her kiss, in the way she leads them around the kitchen in an impromptu waltz. Jamie, as always, burning away the shadows.
Jamie, who dips her backward, drinking in her laughter with the biggest grin in the world. Who cuts her eyes to the right. Who tightens her mouth in surprise.
“Hang on,” she says, her hands still braced at Dani’s back and hip. “What the fuck is this?”
Dani’s heart gives a giant leap, her hands clutching at Jamie’s shirt for balance. This is it, she thinks. She can see her now. She can see her, not me, and it’s over, it’s all over, it’s--
“Dani.” Jamie is frowning, easing her back to her feet. She crouches down, gazing into the window of the oven. One hand rises to her head, her brow furrowed.
She sees her, Dani thinks, backing toward the sink. She sees her, and--
“Jesus, how long has my hair looked like that?”
She blinks, shaking the panic away. “What?”
Jamie is looking at her, almost awestruck, her face clean and younger than usual with the last vestiges of sleep clinging to her eyes. “All that gray. Knew there were one or two, but--”
Dani is laughing. Leaning back against the counter, the mirth spilling out of her, she laughs. Jamie, straightening up with a low groan--her knees pop audibly, her head shaking--looks bewildered.
“Suppose you thought you’d just wait,” she says dryly, “and see if I ever noticed?”
Dani nods, cackling too hard to answer. It’s become so normal, counting the bright bursts amid Jaime’s natural hair color; she’s honestly forgotten Jamie ever didn’t have these silver sparks. Every inch of her, from the crow’s feet etched near her eyes to the tiny scars on her hands, is quite simply home.
Jamie is plainly trying to look grumpy now, her hand tangling her hair. With Dani giggling like this, unable to catch her breath, she isn’t doing a very good job.
“Been this way a while?”
“Years,” Dani giggles. “Since I proposed. Before.”
Jamie rolls her eyes, slouching the two steps it takes to reach the counter and Dani’s shaking frame. “You,” she says in a mock-irritated tone, “are supposed to help with these things.”
“With what?” Dani brushes the hair back from her eyes. “You’re beautiful. And more than that, you’re...stately.”
“Stately,” Jamie repeats with a snort. “Haven’t heard that one. That’s a Hannah word, if ever there was one.”
They sober, just a little, the appropriate affection offered to memory. Jamie’s head bows against her own, her nose brushing Dani’s lightly.
“I like it,” Dani says, her voice soft. “I like watching it happen. Like growing old...”
She trails off. She isn’t growing old, is the thing. Isn’t changing. Is as incontrovertible as a lake set into ancient grounds. She is not growing old at all.
Jamie’s fingers curl around her chin, tipping her head back. “Growing old together,” she says, firmly. Not denial, exactly--just certainty. Jamie, imposing her will on a world that tries so hard to have its own way with them both.
“Growing old together,” Dani repeats, and even if it isn’t true in the strictest sense--even if it doesn’t look like it should--she knows Jamie believes it. Knows Jamie will fight tooth and nail to make the universe bend around her love.
There are things, Jamie believes, that are natural. Organic. Exactly as they should be. There are things that can’t be changed by dreams, whims, magic spells.
They will grow old together. That is, Jamie believes, the way the world works. The way it has always been and will always be. Jamie’s hair grows silver. Jamie’s skin etches with lines. Jamie’s hands are solid in her own, though she sometimes bends her fingers with a grimace, rubs her wrists when the weather angles toward snow.
They will grow old together. For Jamie, there is simply no other consideration to be made.
“I like it,” Dani repeats, fingering the nearest strand of gray. “It’s distinguished.”
Jamie, shaking her head, is grinning as she leans in for a kiss.
#fanfiction#ficlet#the haunting of bly manor#the haunting of bly manor spoilers#dani x jamie#damie#I either post nothing for six days or multiple things at once#no middle ground we write erratically like kings#anyway: Jamie's silver hair is peak!Jamie I will hear no arguments
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His Dark Materials - Season 2 Episode 5 (rambles)
I only realized last week, there’s only 7 episodes this series because the eighth would have been the Asriel centric one. So only two left now after tonight! :(
Also I finished the book during the last week so I am so READY
Ahh gotta love that London traffic!
I don’t know why but the Golden Monkey wearing a seatbelt SENT ME
Mrs Coulter is watching the mother and baby :(
Boreal saying that our world is barbaric and our world is corrupt is so accurate tbh I’m not even mad
Will literally just threw the knife into the wall omfg watch it!
Red PAN-da is becoming a permanent fixture in this show apparently
Lyra’s hair was so pretty this episode? Her costume too obviously but her hair had me in awe
The theme music to this show gives me literal chills
Boreal is evil but his house is A-fucking-plus
Okay but how does Ruth Wilson always look so gorgeous and fluid in this show?!?
Her faking nearly dropping one of Boreal’s precious collection pieces and him panicking 😅
Mrs Coulter’s little “hmm” and smile... we love a Queen
“Why are we whispering?” “I don’t know” - LMFAO
“Will, you left the window open” - LMAO and also please don’t do that, that’s like one of the BIG rules about the knife!
“He’s getting good at this” “he is” - we love a supportive feral wild girl and her dæmon
Mrs Coulter looking bored as fuck as Boreal plays his music is such a damn mood
“You’d like it here too” - Umm NO STOP PLEASE SHE DOESNT WANT IT
“Carlo, can you make that stop?” - OMG 🤣
“You’re far too conspicuous like that” - but she’s not??? She just looks like a posh well dressed woman, maybe that’s not common in this world but she looks fine??
Boreal picking out clothes he’s obviously got just for her is... eww. Just ewww.
Her reaction to the jeans/clothes though XD
“Would you mind?” - YEAH BOREAL STOP CREEPING AND FUCK OFF PLEASE
“Maybe it’s time we issue a firm denial of the tear in the sky” BRO IT’S LITERALLY HUGE AND RIGHT THERE YOU CAN’T PRETEND IT AIN’T
Oh shit the Magisterium know about that witches going to the new world + the massacre
MacPhail literally imprisoned Father Graves and for WHAT?! I think the power’s getting to him (which I know it the point but still!)
MRS COULTER SHUT THE DOOR ON HER DÆMON I’M-
Okay so I know it’s been implied/said that Mrs Coulter can go far away from the monkey already, and that they maybe have been through some kind of process that’s made that a thing, but like DAMN.
“I’m sure you’ve encountered witches in your travels” - if I hadn’t already read the books, I would be asking if she IS a witch tbh like omg
This is probably one of the few times I’ll say this but... I feel so sorry for the monkey?? Just him watching her as she leaves from the window... like that’s so sad. I get why she couldn’t exactly walk around with a monkey but urgh
“I apologize if she was a nuisance” “She wasn’t a nuisance!” - Oof you tell her, Mary
“You must be so proud.” “... I am.” - OOF
Mary showing that she’s better fit to be a parent to Lyra than Lyra’s real mother tbh
Damn Marisa disappeared FAST
Mary really googled Mrs Coulter I’m-
“You must play the serpent” “hornbeam” “save the girl and the boy” - IT’S HAPPENING IM GOING TO CRY IM SO EXCITED
The computer turning completely off and the room going dark before going red OH MY GOD
“Oh shut it, Pan” - LMAO
OH NO OH NO ANGELICA FOUND TULLIO AND SHE IS PISSED D:
A+ acting from Bella Ramsay by the way
“We WILL get you” - OH SHIT
The fact that Will feels guilty over fighting and inadvertently getting Tullio attacked by spectres because he has the knife :’(
It’s so sweet to see Lyra and Pan comforting him though
“I’m not judging” - Mary’s sister says while totally judging her for reading the Holy Bible. She probably thinks she’s about to rejoin the convent!
I find the relationship between Marisa and the monkey so interesting?? I’m so intrigued by it
“Do they drink in this world?” “That, they do well.” - LMFAO ACCURATE THOUGH
“I found her arrogant, like many women in this world.” - umm, FUCK you, Boreal you misogynistic sexist piece of shit
So Mrs Coulter was denied a doctorate despite being the best in her class because she’s a woman, and they would only have published her papers if they were by a man. I’m starting to see why she got upset when she met Mary, who’s got her own office and a doctorate and is head of the department/project
“Who I could have been in this world” - oh shIT
The way she started talking about how she felt after the whole affair/baby ordeal, followed by “we’re not talking about Asriel, we’re talking about ME” - FUCK. I love Ruth Wilson’s portrayal, I love it
“You’ve spent your time trading trinkets” - lmfao you tell him ma’am
“Were you hoping to add me to your little collection?” “I was hoping this would be a life for you here” - oh god I hate it, fuck right off Carlo
“If you got me, you wouldn’t even begin to know what to do with me” - oh SHIT :O
Lyra turning up to distract them so Will could have the chance to cut a window and steal the Alethiometer had me on the edge of my seat
Let’s be real right now, the whole last 15 minutes? THE MOST TENSE AND INCREDIBLE PIECE OF TELEVISION ASDFGHJKL
Mrs Coulter’s face when she saw Lyra at the door :’(
Also she nearly saw Will and I was sitting there praying she wouldn’t find him, I was so worried even though I’ve literally just reread the book
So um THE FUCKING MONKEY BASTARD JUMPSCARED ME AND I AUDIBLY YELLED SO LOUDLY HOLY HECK
The way that Lyra saw her mum and immediately tried to run away though, she just keeps trying to yeet herself away from her parents and I honestly don’t blame her at all
Boreal was being truly extra in the way he dropped his snake dæmon out of his sleeve like that whilst advancing on Will
“Why would I trust you?” TRUTH
Coulter saying for Lyra to stay away from Will and getting super teary eyed makes me think she’s worried Lyra will suffer like she did? Like she’s worried that Lyra will suffer at the hands of men and be in the same situation she was I think? And that’s so sad but nuanced
“I am NOTHING like you.”
So Lyra did this little head move like Marisa did in 1x02, when she made the monkey attack Pan to subdue Lyra - AND THEN PAN ATTACKED THE MONKEY JUST LIKE THAT, LITERALLY EXACTLY THE SAME, AND MRS COULTER FALLING TO THE FLOOR AND CLUTCHING THE SOFA LIKE LYRA DID?? AND LYRA WATCHING WITH THIS COLD LOOK ON HER FACE?!
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE A COMPARISON GIFSET BECAUSE IM CRYING
I love Will getting mad at Boreal taunting him over his mum, and immediately starting to punch him
HE SMASHED THAT COLLECTION PIECE ON BOREAL’S HEAD FUCK YEAH WILL 👏🏻
That was a DAMN close escape, holy fuck, but she’s got the Alethiometer back!
“The man who hurt you, I wanted to kill him” - same Lyra
I was so emotional when she was talking about how Marisa used her dæmon to hurt her and Pan, and Will saying that he’s never worried about his mum hurting him... the comparison is so sad
“I hope I’m not like either of my parents” - I mean I don’t blame her tbh
SHE CONSIDERED MA COSTA AND LEE SCORESBY TO BE BETTER PARENT FIGURES TO BE LIKE I’M CRYING
So Mrs Coulter is definitely planning some shit, like she didn’t seem that concerned when Boreal was talking about the Spectres, and like obviously I know what happens but I’ve always been intrigued as to why the Spectres listen to her instead of just attacking her. Also is it something to do with her dæmon? Like if they ARE separated in some way, maybe the Spectres don’t feed on her because it’s Dust or something? (Idk if that makes any sense)
“Deceive the guardian... okay... okay...” honestly same XD
Mary pretending to be Mrs Coulter to get past the guard is such a brilliant idea, like she just ran with it immediately, we have to stan a Queen who keeps a calm head
SHE WENT THROUGH THE WINDOW AND INTO THE CITY AAAAHHHH
The angels said they’d protect her, right? So she doesn’t need to fear the Spectres I’m assuming (I need to assume or I’ll worry)
The promo for next week was literally half what we saw THIS week and half Lee/John Parry footage I’m assuming is next week... ?
The fact there’s only two episodes left makes me so sad :( I have no idea what I’ll do waiting for the final series - and I’m assuming it’ll be delayed maybe because of Covid. Plus I’m hoping we get the extra episode NEXT series, the one that was Asriel-centred and supposed to be in this one but wasn’t filmed because of Coronavirus, so fingers crossed! 🤞
#his dark materials#hdm#lyra belacqua#marisa coulter#will parry#pantalaimon#lord boreal#charles latrom#the golden monkey#golden monkey#philip pullman#the subtle knife#dafne keen#ruth wilson#amir wilson
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QoTS 5x02 Reaction Post
My brain has basically been Jeresa airhorns since the episode aired lmao but I’m going to try to add some Thoughts to my liveblog from last night. Here goes:
First of all thank you to @gild-and-fire for making this tag meme for me that is ALREADY coming in handy.
Iiiiiiiinteresting that the moment James’ name is cleared the Ice Queenpin of last week thawed quite a bit, right? Sure the trademark cool under pressure business dealings were there for Teresa (including a bit of ruthlessness) but in very calculated, ultimately successful way rather than terrifying.
James is back like what? 48 hours and already throwing up speed bumps for the descent of Teresa’s soul. It’s gonna be a tough job, but if anyone can do it....
How to say I love you without saying I love you: Some guys bring you flowers, some bring you a personal army.
This episode was a Jeresa Callback All U Can Eat Buffet
There were SO many from the greatest hits: Take Care of Yourself, You too / “Smart” / You Deserve That / I Want You to Stay etc. to even visual cues from past Jeresa scenes - the talk outside about going to NYC / 2x04, the lunge into the kiss from 3x09. And of course the cigarette scene that @medievalraven goes over in her great meta. It was an episode tailor made for parallel gifsets.
I’m kinda shocked they didn’t add a driving together scene for old times sake. Still holding out hope for a S5 Jeresa adventure episode too.
These two, as ever, are so so soft and so so stupid lmao. But even with the interruptions of their private scenes, they packed SO much in. And I loved how you could both tell they’d learned from their past miscommunications.
They were a little rusty at first - doing that thing they do approaching it from an angle instead of head on - T: “You didn’t have to come back.” J: “Yeah I did.” T: “Are you staying?” J: “Do you want me to stay?” But right out of the gate James is like this is what I feel, I need you to verbalize what you want from me. Which by end of the episode Teresa does.
But then he says “these Russians are animals” and you can practically SEE Teresa visualizing his death in her head so she’s like "you should go”.
LOL at James playing the emotional game of chicken with THE master of the game Teresa Mendoza. Him being like “Okay I’ll pack...this is me walking to the bed slowly...packing...to leave...this is me leaving....and I’m going to wander around the house...slowly... in case anyone needs anything...just in case...do a shot with Pote...get to know Chicho...oh hey, I’m already packed let’s go to NYC” lol.
“I’m a quick healer” If only, my friend.
The laugh!!! the smiles!! the heart eyes!! the “people who you love” meaningful eye contact!!
The KISS - THE LUNGE - THE WAY JAMES CUPS HER HEAD WITH HIS HAND AND THEY TILT THEIR FOREHEADS TOGETHER - THE WAY JAMES TOUCHES HIS LIP AFTER LIKE WE’RE IN GODDAMNED PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!
The smoking scene. Poor James was probably thinking of a victory celebration a la 3x09 like “will my stitches hold for that?? Lets find out” and then
Teresa comes out with a CLEAR “I want you to stay”!!!! growth.gif
Only to drop the (albeit heart eyes included) hammer of “You and me can’t happen.”
I love how James didn’t technically agree.
Can’t wait to see if Teresa caves physically or emotionally first....
Just gonna leave these lines here: “I thought we could be like normal people” / “Get lost for awhile, get these hands clean” / “[change] is the only way to survive in this life” / “we can’t happen...maybe in some other life but not this one.” Mmmhmmmmmm.
Non Jeresa stuff:
I really like Oscar the Dominican so far.
Teresa’s “We can double our business or go to war. These are my terms.” CLASSIC Teresa smarts with Queenpin power...I loved it.
The judge: “You’ll be the next Mexican I set on fire”. He can’t just die now, his death better top Cortez’s death by chainsaw b/c this had me ready to drive to NOLA and do it myself.
I loved the expression on James face when Oksana said “[Kostya] wasn’t sure you’d save my life.” LOL like saving other ppl’s lives is kinda what Teresa does, if only I could get Teresa to save her own.
Is the Oksana stuff legit?? It felt really convenient that the “sleeper cell” was dead before Teresa could talk to them. Were they really rogue or did Oksana just kill off everyone who knew otherwise? We’ll see. Kostya agreed to her new terms for now.
I loved that of all the many conflicts introduced in the first ep (James, NYC Russians/Dominican rivalry, waterfront $$, the kill team, etc) so many had some sort of resolution or solid movement FORWARD in this episode. That’s something I really missed from the earlier seasons: mini conflicts that had a 2-3 episode arc instead of *cough* dragging out all season (s4).
Speaking of which, Boaz’s sixth sense of when things are going too well for Teresa remains unparalleled lol. But I can’t wait to see what JT does next. He’s killing it. Maybe literally...
And now.....the baby news.
At first I was too happy to get an extended James and Pote conversation to care but is anyone else kinda irked that it was POTE who shared the Tony story? I get it story wise w/ his own Tony redemption opportunity on the horizon with KA’s pregnancy they wanted to get that “this world is not for a child they make you weak and vulnerable” ominous foreshadowing in there but oof. I wish it had been a Teresa/James convo first.
A baby can be a catalyst for a lot of things (as if Teresa isn’t already feeling the pressure to get legit fast) but what I’m wondering is this: If it comes down to protecting pregnant Kelly Anne or Teresa, in the heat of the moment, who will Pote choose? He violently reacted to the incarcerated teen boys and that was before he knew KA’s news.
I’m glad James stayed. Teresa needs someone who is focused on HER safety alone and as evidenced many times this episode, she definitely will need it.
CANNOT WAIT TO HAVE MARCEL BACK NEXT WEEK!
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