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junkbbykow · 1 year

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𝒴❁𝒰’𝑅𝐸 𝒯𝐻𝒜𝒯 𝐵𝐼𝒯𝒞𝐻 - 𝒫𝒜𝒞

I’m gonna help y’all remember who you are and get to the nitty gritty of YOUR baddie energy <3 My latest PAC is here!

Omg guys! Thank y’all for 50 followers. As a special treat and thanks I’m going to be offering one of my paid readings in PAC form! Remember this is general, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t!

Pick a Picture below! 1,2,3

Pile 1 - The Powerhouse

Remember Who You Are - What comes naturally

Well sheesh pile one. You take no sh*t and no prisoners. You say what you have to say and mean it. You’re incredibly fair and also generous. You help those who are deserving but keep your energy safe and locked away. I see you might also be a defender of some sorts. You keep anything that doesn’t serve you at bay and keep it pushing. Literally giving toxic energies a face of disgust. Y’all are not here for it. You’re a leader and philanthropist. You help others and share your resources with equity to those in need of your gifts but also yourself. You have great boundaries and keep sh*t in check. Nobody crosses you, your (chosen) family, and the abundance you create for yourself. You have wealth and high standards. You’re simply better than some people AND THAT IS OKAY. Don’t let it get to your head lol. One persons guides coming through heavy so maybe connect with your ancestors, guides, spirit and listen to your dreams

Divine Messages

Lmao don’t do too much for family. You live them deeply but don’t be afraid to say no, ask for reciprocation or just restate your boundaries. I feel like y’all can get down from being in this maternal/paternal energy but someone(s) are going to make this better and give back to you the way you give to them. Don’t overextended your abundance. The goal is to build generational wealth that exists beyond this lifetime. Maybe some of y’all have a younger brother or sibling. Keep them in your prayers and manifestations they may be dealing with some emotions they haven’t learned to express. Open yourself up to them and be a light in their life. A strong message here is to stop overburdening yourself. Yes, you are capable but EVERYONE has their limits and you need to start making that clear for those around you our spirit will do it on your behalf. Your skills are needed for much more than this present moment. Be wary of running yourself ragged trying to be everything to everybody. PROTECT your abundance and nurture it. Don’t just hand it out willy nilly. You deserve your abundance and spirit sends it your way for you. Treat yourself but more importantly INVEST IN YOURSELF!!!! Somethings (people, places, habits) need to be let go of with the quickness.

The beauty others see in you

People see you as a forever student. You are always learning new skills, adapting, and leveling up your life. I feel like if someone needs help researching or has an oddball question you’re the person for the job. People think the world is your oyster. Nothing can stop you and honestly who would dare with the energy you were presenting earlier. Before I saw you as fierce and cut to the chase, but people close to you see this youthful, creative, and joyous person who is eternally optimistic even when they have their moments. Whether their in your life, in the future, or speaking from the other side, your (chosen/soul) family LOVES YOU. They also see you as some sort of traveler. With a simple yet cute sense of style. Comfy but in the most fashionable way possible. You are also EXTREMELY beautiful. TW nudity/Sexual attraction On a more general sense I think a lot of people want to see you naked. In the most natural way possible. Whatever insecurities you have people don’t care they want to see you hair, bumps, acne, rolls and all.

How your destined person sees you

They see you as lost? Lmao not what I expected. You can be hard headed sometimes (me too) and they love this about you don’t get them wrong but that’s one of the big things they see in you. Your a crazy kid with wild ideas and you sure as hell are not gonna let anything stop you. You’re tough and but also very soft. You’re new to this (dating). Or maybe you’ve never actually experienced love and this person will be that to you. When they say lost you’re not codependent or struggling your just an extremely go with flow, take all the punches kinda person. They recognize y’all as meant to be. There is nobody else who matches them as perfectly as you. There’s just you. Nobody they could dream up would be as perfect and as exquisite as you. There words not mine 🥹

How to embody these attributes & utilize your gifts

Recognize that you are going through something. You have been left feeling helpless, alone, and defeated. That is okay. It happens. You don’t have to pick yourself up this very millisecond. I know you’re a determined individual who moves towards their goals at the speed of light but you need to reconnect woth your soul energy. Plain and simple. That means inmer child work, root chakra healing, physical therapy. Feed your soul the best way you know how. One step at a time. You got this. Get off social media. I also feel like you’re defensive right now. But there isn’t anything that needs defending. Nobody is taking your spot. There is only you. That’s it. So just rest, please. Everything will be here when you’re feeling better. Promise. Also stop fighting. Whatever that means to you. Chill out and let things pass. I’m picking up on a family scenario. Also stop telling people your grand plans. There energy is getting all mixed in with your projects. Also stop giving away every dime you have. Save. Buy yourself something nice okay. Not every part of you is meant to be given to others.

How to Honor Yourself Daily

Listen to your emotions. Release the hustle energy and breathe. Be playful, act goofy, make dumb choices. They’ll lead you somewhere unexpected. Ofc be safe but have FUN. Acknowledge how you’re feeling daily and show up for yourself by nurturing that aspect of you. Come to terms with your emotions and validate them. Also be creative, study, read, you enjoy acquiring knowledge, so do that. This is not the time for others. It’s the time for you and you only.

Tidbits: New York, College, Professor/educator, These boots are made for walking, children, laughing, music to my ears, water, mermaid, art, study, books, color, sun, 5, wand, fire, galaxy, 2, earth, wings, mother, familiar

I hope you enjoyed your reading! I appreciate all likes, reblogs, and feedback! Please visit my masterlist for more PACS, Ask Games, Paid Readings and more!

Pile 2 - The Nurtuer

Remember Who You Are - What Comes Naturally

Y’all are naturally kind in this pile. You let things come to you. You’re not a chaser and you have a very relaxed energy. I see you as someone who awaits every new day with adventure. You teach people patience and forgiveness. Your heart is so warm. And you make yourself a safe haven for those who need it but also yourself. Taurus energy???? You are very good at processing and understanding your emotions while remaining grounded in reality. You balance feelings and logic and respect how one does not exist without the other. You are wise beyond your years without even doing anything. It’s inate to who you are. You see a lot of beauty in the world and love nature. You seek adventure but not in a chaotic way. You truly appreciate life itself the mundane and the extraordinary. What you find beauty in is unique. Career isn’t really your focus or where you find happiness or fulfillment. You’re giving homemaker vibes. So if you’re struggling in career how can you comfort others and make their lives more comfortable. Your energy is calm. The fast life is not for you. It’s okay to dream small. I know everyone is saying make a name for yourself but maybe you just want to live in a cottage somewhere and grow fruits. That’s valid.

Divine Messages

I feel like y’all have your sh*t together lmao. You’re creating the life you want for yourself and disregarding the status quo. This might have been a new revelation. You’re leaving behind this need to be someone your not. I feel like your journey here is to nurture yourself and live a good and chill life. A new day is shining on you. I feel like some of you might not agree with this, but maybe question why you want your goals and what do you REALLY want. A tough lesson may be coming towards you. I feel this is more on a spiritual/mental level for a majority of the group. I don’t know if spirit is going to give me all the details. There might be a man in your life who is ending a cycle in your life and you will have to leave them behind. A death of some sorts is coming.

The Beauty Others see in You

Okay so people can see that you are fair, generous, and just. They also see you as a protector. A mother hen of sorts. Also you’re here to guide people. That’s a part of your life plan. People see that you can nurture things from start to finish. You complete your goals and are very orderly. People aspire to be as well put together as they see you being. Like I said, you’re a homemaker of some sorts and people love to be in your energy, room, home, ect. You make it a nice and comforting place to be and you accommodate guests very well. You’re sociable but independent and people recognize that. You’re the #1 host and gathering spot. You are very magical and people see you as a creator. Like you manifest, manipulate, and transmute like crazy!!!! You get what you want and reach your desires by any means. I know you might be tired of hearing this but you’re very strong. You keep your inner world in shape so that it can reflect out into your universe. You stay optimistic by balancing your understanding of your external and internal realities. I feel like this part was from spirit because it was so introspective.

How your Destined Person Sees You

You are illusive. You’re so mysterious. Everyday there is something new with you, another layer. (very sweet energy 🥹) They probably enjoy late nights with you. Being your partner is a CONSTANT adventure. Late night drives, traveling through the woods, you’re literally a witch/spiritual asf and that is new to them 😭. I feel like they see you like in a coven late at night dancing around a fire naked with your friends. And it wouldn’t be surprising to catch you like that. They might want to be apart of your witchy endeavors don’t be afraid to let them take part and share this part of yourself. With all that adventure they also see you as mature and respectable (you got layerrrsss). But in all of this they don’t think you understand how amazing, beautiful, and luxurious you are. You are so special and unique. You spend a lot of time worrying and anxious and they really just want to take care of all of it for you. They will do everything in their power to affirm you day to day. They want you to be the star that you truly are. Unstoppable.

How to embody these attributes & utilize your gifts

Focus on yourself. You’ve spent so much of your life catering to others and it’s time to invest in you and you alone. Some of the people you’ve been helping, leave them behind. They may seem hurt with your decision but tbh it doesn’t compare to the weight/burden they are in your life. You’re put together so these people don’t respect your emotions because your not trying to get attention for your pain or make everyone feel what you’re feeling. You carry yourself and your own responsibilities and these people just can’t accept that their problems are not your issue. Friends support one another, they do not do the work for each other. Be youthful again, leave seriousness behind. Life is a joke and that’s okay. And it’s okay to be alone for a little bit. Love you babes 💕 Taking this time alone leads you to a whole new world, I promise.

How to Honor Yourself Daily

Just getting out of bed is enough. To get water, eat, shower, turn on the tv, I don’t care. These people who have left your life or about to honestly left you in shambles. I think you were better off before them and now you’re trying to rekindle who you used to be with the knowledge and the maturity you now posses and that’s honorable. But rest first. There are so many day in a lifetime and it is okay to sit down and rest. Tomorrow is promised so please release all those burdens these people left behind. Also cry, throw tantrums, and reconcile with who you truly are. I think someone is coming in and offering you abundance. If not someone something. You be fulfilled and content just rest baby 🛌 Also stop giving people gifts rn. I’ve said this like three times in this pile but genuinely you have to stop 😅

Tidbits: death, hermit, nature, creek, wildflowers, pastels, harmony, gardening, trail, forest. star, night, giggles, silence, nobody else but us, freedom, fresh air, cozy, sleep, blankets, hot chocolate

I hope you enjoyed your reading! I appreciate all likes, reblogs, and feedback! Please visit my masterlist for more PACS, Ask Games, Paid Readings and more!

Pile 3 - The Trailblazer

Remember Who You Are - What Comes Naturally

You are constantly striving for internal growth. You also love to dress up and be creative. You may like to use ‘odd’ things as accessories or pick up flowers and put them in your hair. Your a benevolent leader who encourages others and yourself to come out of your shell. You walk in a room and turn heads. Not only are you beautiful but incredibly unique and you express that outwardly. People often ‘don’t know what to do with you’ you don’t fit into any molds (so stop trying) You make your own lanes and you innovate. Heavy influence from earth and air here. Please get out in nature. It’s your home. Also connect with water! You are often uncertain which comes with the territory of being so unique. You fit so many roles. You might have felt akin to all three piles for certain reasons. So much lies beneath the surface that even you have yet to find. Even when uncertain you trail ahead at full speed and don’t fear the consequences because you are righteous (with good reason) Your ancestors/spirit/guides entrust you with great responsibilities. Listen to them because your connection to them is so innate and pure. Like fresh water (I just saw a drop of water drip into still water maybe your actions this lifetime will have a great ripple effect for generations) This can be scary but don’t worry your protected and will find your way. No need to rush or overthink it. Literally just be you <3

Divine Messages

I think you’re going through a rebirth right now. Visit pile 2 if you felt called to it. I feel like you are only seeing the negative or refusing to be patient. Chill out for a second you need time. You just came out of something you need to redefine yourself and truly connect with your essence. Let your worries fall away. Your restless during your time of rest which is counterproductive. Let the ‘abundance’ of your last cycle be cleared so that the absolute monstrosity of wealth and opulence can come through. Leave social media alone. Especially if you’re watching other people be successful and so on. It’s not your time yet and that’s okay but your not in the headspace to be happy for other’s success right now so get off Tik Tok lmao 😅.

The Beauty Others See in You

Y’all reflect back to others what they wish to see in themselves. Parts that are missing or have been lost over time come up in you or your relationship to you. A true shapeshifter. Be wary of this because you don’t want to have a mask on in every relationship. Be you. You are everything all at once. You embody so many attributes, desires, goals. All of it is so much and can be overwhelming at time but it’s truly beautiful to see. Coming across someone as unique as you, Pile 3, is rare. Know that. Not everyone with a pretty face and interesting surface is worth your time. You stick to your roots and who you are regardless of what the crowd is saying. They aren’t you and subscribing to that lifestyle isn’t you either.

How Your Destined Person Sees You

This is a destined connection. Also it’s giving queer! They might see you as tomboyish or a very strong balance of femme and masculine. If you’re non-binary your partner loves this about you don’t worry. They also see you as a muse. Your body, personality, and the way you think inspires them. Your constantly transforming and that is a great place to draw inspiration. They either want to provide for you or truly see this connection that will bear fruit from its labor! Very sweet and genuine energy here. You redefine family for them. All the doubts they had about building one are swept away after meeting you. They see you as someone who can build a family and generational wealth together. Go you!

How to Embody these Attributes & Utilize Your Gifts

Be confident or find confidence within yourself on many levels. Be confident in your work, studies, appearance, and so on. Also, fall in love? I think this is from your destined partner embody your strength and radiate that energy so you can signal to them that your ready and here. Idk I feel like this pile knows who they are and already embodies their gifts good on y’all but also check the other piles if you felt drawn to them.

How to Honor Yourself Daily

Ignore illusions. People may try to rush you, make you feel insignificant but it’s not true. You have true power and you yield it with kindness. You are a star don’t let others highlight your misfortunes and mistakes. Let go if things not going according to plan and look for the next opportunity. Also stop taking people’s BS. Like it’s tired. Put your foot down and focus on your own growth and practices. Take back what is yours.

Surprises are on their way to you. That’s why your reading was so quick to the point

Tidbits: 8h, pluto, soul, transformation, apple, snake, 222, 333, cloud, 9, creation, crown, fire, tower, iPad

I hope you enjoyed your reading! I appreciate all likes, reblogs, and feedback! Please visit my masterlist for more PACS, Ask Games, Paid Readings and more!

Your other songs are Long Time - Intro, Playboy Carti & NVR MET, CMNT Glitch Gum Also Never Ending, Rihanna

Remember, you’re that b*txh!

xoxo,

Junkbby Kow

#Spotify #intuition #healing #spirit guidance #tarot pac #pick a number #pick a picture #pick a card #hollywood #Junkbby Kow #paid readings #tarot messages #tarot reader #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #tarot witch #eartha kitt

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ancientgoddessofegypt · 2 months

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ASTRO TALKS: Moons & Venus PT.1

Alright just wanted to have a cool discourse about certain astro placements, we're going to start this off with some moon and venus placements. could be cancer or libra, could be conjunctions to square. doesn't really matter, it all resonates with this post. Lets go!

Cancer moons - Are you the star of your family? Don't overlook this question. I know the leos may got it as the golden star of the fam, but you guys have an interesting spark that inspires people. You may feel overlooked at times but we do notice it, your drive, your flow, your energy. We see you, shadows just don't show themselves in the light, is all.

Libra suns - Do you speak to a lot of people or is your social battery just always on overdrive? People tend to think you're this super extroverted person but sometimes.. you're just not. You know how to put on a show for people, but often times you like to be alone or with someone you normally trust.

Venus in Virgo - Hows your love life? Tired of picking the wrong ones? Stop playing small. That's my only advice here.

Do you trickle down to the nitty gritty details of your lovers? So much so that it could either make you want them a little bit more or truly be disgusted of them? One wrong itch and its downhill from here.

Moon Conjunct Venus - Do people devote most of their energy to you? If not, are you exerting to much force in your life? You might have your energy on overdrive, its time for you to relax. Get some air, enjoy the blissful life you know is yours. Your devotees come when you show up for yourself and desire for your emotional needs to be met.

Moon in the 1st - Are you really sweet n innocent, or is that the role you play? I see u ;) Lol nah jk... But seriously, do you know how calming your aura is? How special it is to be around you? Its not up for grabs lovely plz dont forget it. You have any interested you truly want to follow, your sacral energy (moon/venus ruled) needs more time to express itself in order to be healed and thrive w/ emotional sanity. Very emotional beings and your super power is in your raw ability to express your youth through your presence and vulnerability.

Moon in the 10th - Do you feel in control of your power? How nice are you too others? Would you say its too much?

You're over exerting yourself to allow others to see who you truly are.. Most never do. They see how sweet you are but they don't see the real deal thats underneath. Thats for the 4th house peeps and who touches that arena. Your joy is in your emotional sector, do right by it.

Venus in the 10th - A dream come true. Express your youth and beauty in the way you see fit. YOU are the social standard, remember that!

Do people like you for you? Are others jealous of your ability to be heard, seen, be loved etc. without you having to do or be anything for it? Do you know how special you are? How crazily beautiful you are? My question for you guys.

#ASTRO TALKS #LETS GET ITTTT #ASTRO OBSERVATIONS

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lovelycureaestetic · 5 days

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My two cents are that Sebastian is subconsciously learning enough about humanity with a touch of empathy to ultimately keep Ciel from falling over the edge. Because I don't think that Ciel will, in the end, go completely off the rails. Because if Sebastian' story is about a demon getting to appreciate humanity but not about "redemption", Ciel's one is about a human tiptoeing around the brink of darkness but not about "corruption".

I believe there's a balance to it all.

Ciel's role is to show Sebastian the enormous spectrum of human emotions and the intricacy of relationships and Sebastian's role is to make sure he'll keep that humanity, with all the nitty gritty yes but also with all the beautiful things it entails. Because despite EVERYTHING we can see even in recent chapters that Ciel still cares. He cares for Lizzie, he cares for Soma, he cares for his servants, he cares for Sebastian! He's constantly tested and pushed to the limit by life and he is by no means a saint, as Yana herself said he too is scum and we know he has done horrible things, but those haven't consumed him fully and the main reason why he's still able to hang on the last threads of his humanity is, well, Sebastian! Had he miraculously survived the whole abduction and went back on his own he definitely would NOT have been able to hang on tight to the edge on his own. Because he was too young, too damaged and most importantly too alone. No one around him could have ever understood him, no one saw what he saw. There would've been no one more tainted than him to remind him of his own humanity by contrast. He wouldn't have had that certainty that Sebastian clearly gives him. And on the other side, had Ciel never summoned Sebastian, the demon would've kept on being just that: a demon. He would've never taken the time to stop and appreciate humanity to the extent he does now because the only reason why he bothered at all was Ciel.

So yeah, they're both key elements in each other's lives and I do believe that ultimately Sebastian will save Ciel. Not only because to keep Ciel so perfectly imperfect in his mix of ruthlessness and silent care is to keep his most desired meal as appetising as possible, but also because, conscious or not, he cares for his young master now.

And honestly the thought of Sebastian being both Ciel' salvation and end is simply sublime to me personally.

This has been my psa thank you for reading(⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

#nene blabs #sebaciel #kuroshitsuji #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive #idk if i made any sense i kinda got lost in my rambles like an old man muttering to himself lol

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gatheringbones · 10 months

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["I don't want the nitty-gritty of S/M for me to be some dark & hidden thing, & I want lesbians to understand that anything you want is alright as long as you don't coerce or abuse anyone to get it. S/M is very cathartic & healing for me. A lot of nonspecific anxiety is gone from my life, especially anxiety around sex. One benefit I'd not looked for came in my fantasies. All my life I'd tried not to have fantasies 'cause they were almost always about rape & mutilation & death. Sometimes I’d feel like I couldn't push them out of my mind, like I'd been permanently invaded. Well those fantasies are almost all gone. Instead I have a constant supply of wonderful sensual erotic fantasies about lesbians, myself, this earth, anything I want. That just happened by itself, & I love it. I find a strengthening & confidence in myself that I really like, & the emotional S/M I'd still participated in happens less & less. I find that pattern sometimes but can recognize it sooner & get out of abusive & potentially abusive situations easier. Being bottom comes so smoothly to me it's like diving into warm water. & at first that was the only role I'd let myself explore. We are trained young & deep to be passive, receptive, accepting, & so it was easier for me to reclaim the strength in that side of the power flow. Sometimes as bottom when it's being really good I feel myself open psychically so much I could take in the whole universe & I can feel spirit enter me like a lover. Being top came harder to me. Power & cruelty have so often gone hand in hand in my life & I feared that in myself, feared my own power & taking it so openly. But as I've pushed past this barrier I've found myself claiming power with more honesty & courage than ever before in my life. The fine high feeling of pushing a womon who will trust herself to my will past barriers in herself into orgasm after orgasm is indescribable. It's important to me that I can explore both sides of eroticism, the giving & the receiving. I am & have been both a sadist & a masochist, in all the meanings of those words, & I want to know & work with all of who I am. S/M can bring one very close to the edge. Sometimes when making love the horror & memory of past experiences floods me with no warning & I need to know that the one I'm with will be very loving to me 'till the storm passes. This is why I know that good tops are the most compassionate & sensitive beings on earth."]

Juicy Lucy, from If I Ask You To Tie Me Up, Would You Still Want Me?, from Coming To Power: Writings And Graphics On Lesbian S/M, 1987

#juicy lucy #lesbian literature #brainspace #terra preta #cw rape

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joels-shitty-puns · 7 months

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The Key To Your Heart - Track 6

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 4K

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

This one's a little longer than the last few, but it's one I was really excited to get to for a while. I hope you guys like it! We're starting to get into the nitty gritty! Once again please let me know what you think of it! Thank you all for your support :)

__________

After your emotional conversation with Pedro, you were worried he'd stop talking to you. At least, it seems that's how it usually works. Whenever you try to have a conversation about emotions with someone, it gets shut down. But surprisingly.. it didn't push Pedro away at all. The two of you talk nearly every day on the phone, and when you don't, it's made up for with plenty of text messages. You don't even have to be the first to communicate, either. It just feels natural. It doesn't need to be over-thought.

You keep telling yourself not to get your hopes up, but at the same time, you feel like maybe it's turning into something. Something more than friends. You couldn't help but wonder if Pedro felt the same way, or if maybe he's just a really nice guy.

Despite these feelings, you're still hesitant to tell him you love him. Although he put many of your fears to rest, you continued to be nervous. You were inexperienced. You were significantly younger than him. You led two very different lives. And even though he reassured you about your appearances, it doesn't mean you'd be his type once he actually saw you. Shoot, you don't even know if he's interested in pursuing a relationship.

Plus, now there's the risk of messing up a new friendship. Why ruin it?

How does anyone ever get into a relationship? Others make it look so easy, jumping from relationship to relationship like their heart isn't at stake.

Maybe someday you'd tell him. Maybe someday you'd share these other fears as well. But not yet. You weren't ready.

_____

About a week had gone by since you first talked on the phone, and it was around 1 PM when he called you.

"Hey Pedro!"

"Hey there, songbird," he replied cheerily.

"Songbird?" You giggled.

"If you hate it-"

"No, I love it. It's sweet," you blushed.

"Okay good. But the reason I'm calling is because I saw something on Instagram…"

"Oh yeah? What of?"

"About you. When were you going to tell me?"

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh what? What is he referring to?

You nervously laughed "I… what? Tell you what now?"

"Your album is coming out in a WEEK!??!" He practically yelled with excitement.

Seriously… this guy. Giving me a damn heart attack.

"OH" you replied sheepishly. "You scared me, thinking you heard… I dunno"

"Oh! I'm sorry. No. I haven't heard any information that you haven't told me yourself, nor would I believe it anyway. Other than.. this album!!!" Pedro announced like a gameshow host.

You laughed before replying "yes, yes, the album comes out next week! They just announced it I guess."

Pedro clapped and shouted. "CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm so happy and proud of you!!!!!!!!"

You weren't looking in a mirror, and he couldn't see you either, but you could bet money that your cheeks were a bright shade of pink. "Thank you, Pedro!" You giggled, your face beginning to hurt from the large smile he caused.

"How are you celebrating? Is the studio doing anything for you?"

"Well they mentioned an album release party, but being that nobody really knows me I don't know who I would even invite. Plus I'm not sure that a large thing like that is how I'd like to show myself to the world. A little too ceremonious for my liking." You grimaced.

"Well, I happen to think you deserve something ceremonious, even if you don't think you do. And I think we should celebrate."

"We - you - you do? You mean…?" You stuttered in disbelief.

"You and me," he said matter-of-factly.

"You.. and… What did you have in mind?"

Frankly you didn't know what to think.

"Well. I was thinking… Maybe we could listen to the album together? We could talk on the phone and listen, and it would be like our own little album release party. You wouldn't have to show yourself or meet people. It would just be like our normal conversations. Except I'd get to hear your new music and talk about it with you. If you want," he said, sounding slightly nervous.

Your heart swelled at the gesture and you agreed happily. The two of you made a plan to "meet" at 7PM and listen together the night of your album release. And he promised he wouldn't listen without you.

_____

It wasn't until after you were off the phone with him that you began to overthink the songs on your album. Not unlike your first single, these were also rather vulnerable at times. Sure, he knew a lot, and he'd listen to the album anyway. Probably. But still. To hear it… together? You were starting to feel like you were in over your head.

Nevertheless, the week continued on like normal. Work, talking to Pedro, hanging with Skipper. You agreed to a few more interviews in article or voice format after the release, and signed a few last minute things.

As the album date approached closer, Pedro texted you one day.

"Okay I'm going to ask you something and I want you to trust me okay. I'm not going to do anything that I know you would hate."

"Okay…" what does this man have up his sleeve?

"Can I have your address?"

Why does he want my address???? The panic settled in. But, you did like him; and he hadn't crossed any boundaries yet. In fact, he's been one of the most understanding of your qualms.

So. You sent him your address.

"Thank you ❤️" Pedro replied.

A heart !?! A red one!?

"You're welcome. Also… I was planning to tell you anyway, but if you're looking for my address I may as well tell you…" you told him your real name. Not your stage name. Not a nickname. But your name. First, Last. All of it.

"Thank you for trusting me. I promise I'll keep it safe," reassured Pedro.

"Thank you, P."

"Of course. You have a beautiful name, by the way."

Your heart did a somersault.

_____

The album release date was finally here and you aren't sure you slept a wink. You were a bundle of nerves and excitement. You loved him and always enjoyed chatting together. This was exciting. But also these songs are so personal. This is a big moment. This was a big plan. And why did he want your address anyway?

~~~~~

Meanwhile at Pedro's place, he was just as nervous. He had started out excited, but then he got into his head. His plans for the evening started feeling too romantic. He didn't want you to get the wrong idea. He liked you, but he didn't want to push it. Maybe he was showing too many feelings towards you. You love someone else, and him not respecting that is rude. All you want is a friend and he's just going to seem like another one of those creepy guys trying to get into your pants.

But it was too late now, the plans were in motion, and maybe you'd enjoy it. Who knows. Either way, he loved your friendship, and friends could do this kind of thing for each other… right??

~~~~~

Throughout the day, you paced your house before finally leaving with Skipper in tow. "We gotta get some air, buddy. I'm losing it over here," you said while clipping his leash.

Stepping out of the house, you two went for a long walk, circled back toward home, and plopped down on your lawn. The house still felt too small in preparation for this evening, whatever it was. Why does it feel different anyway? It's just another phone call..? Unless….

Truth be told, while Pedro had his secret plans, you also had some of your own. Whether you followed through with them or not was up to your nerves.

After some sunbathing with your pup, you both head inside. The sun was starting to set, and you realized it was getting closer to the meetup time you chose with Pedro.

_____

6 PM.

You stared at the TV, not really absorbing anything on the screen, but needing a distraction. This afternoon you opted for a show that Pedro was not in. For once, you needed to not see his handsome face. You needed something else. Half paying attention while picking at a hangnail, you jump out of your skin at the sight of your phone lighting up. Pedro texted.

"Picking out my outfit for tonight! Always important to look nice for celebration."

Shit… he's not coming over is he?! That's why he wanted my address?!

"Wait…" you pondered how to phrase your question without sounding like a panicked asshole, when all you wanted to say was "what the fuck do you MEAN!?!"

I'm not dressed. I'm in sweats and covered in dog hair. I don't have makeup on. Oh no.

"Wait… is that why you wanted my address?"

"Oh. Nooo, no no. No, sweet girl, don't worry. I'm not coming over unexpectedly and interrupting your hiding place. I just think it's still important to dress nice."

"Oh..Okay.."

It was around 6:15 when he texted a picture of himself wearing a white button up with a dark blue suit and matching tie. He wore dark-frame glasses and his hair was slightly tamed, but still showed his messy curls. He looked gorgeous.

But as you scanned his body you noticed that instead of dress shoes, he wore a pair of polka dot socks. He had a goofy grin and his one eyebrow was cocked. You grinned.

"All dressed up and nowhere to go," he said.

"You're a goof, P. But I appreciate the effort."

A pause.

"Also, you look really handsome" you nervously hit send before you had a chance to chicken out.

Bold. Probably shouldn't have said that. But hey, friends compliment each other.

"Why thank you. A big accomplishment like this requires all the stops."

He timed this message right to the minute. As you read his text, your doorbell rang.

You opened the door to find two boxes. One large, one small. A delivery boy was getting into his car.

"Delivery from your biggest fan.

-❤️, P"

He… he sent me some kind of care package?? And put a heart? And said he's my biggest fan?

You squealed and carried the boxes into the house. "What's this!?" You texted Pedro.

"Open them and see!"

You immediately open them. Inside the larger box was a variety of items. The first thing you noticed was a small vase holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. To the right of that was a bag, which you opened and found your favorite meal, from your favorite restaurant.

Wow, this is elaborate.

Below the food was another small bag holding your favorite dessert, and finally to the left, your favorite drink.

I can't believe he remembered all of my favorite things.. This is so thoughtful.

When you moved the flower vase, you noticed one more small item. Is that a… corsage?? You texted Pedro the question.

"Yep!" He sent, with a photo of a matching flower on his lapel.

Remembering you still had the small box, you opened the box flaps, wondering what could possibly be left for him to give you. On top of it was another note.

"For a handsome boy.

- ❤️, your mom's friend, Pedro"

Under the note was a jar of peanut butter, a squeaky anchor toy, and…? What's this?

You unwrap a small paper wrapping to find a dog-sized black bowtie. Shut up.

"SKIPPER!!! Look what Pedro gave you, buddy!"

He padded over to you and let you hook the dressy accessory around his neck. With the clip adjusted, he sat back, looking proud of his new fashion. You quickly snapped a picture and texted it to Pedro.

"I can't believe you did all this, Pedro. Not only did you send all this, but you remembered my favorite things? You remembered all the details from when I first met Skipper. My favorite food, dessert, drink, and flower? That's so sweet, this is all too much Pedro.. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me. I.. I don't even know what to say."

You're amazing and I love you. Is what I want to say.

"You're welcome." He texted back. "Like I said, you deserve a celebration. Plus…"

Pedro sent a photo of his table, set up with the same food and drink, with the caption "now it's like we're having a dinner party."

It was nearing the time to meet, but you still had to do one more thing. You had pondered it earlier in the day, but fully decided it when Pedro sent the photo of himself dressed up. It's now or never.

_____

6:45 PM.

Pedro sat waiting for a reply after he sent his dinner photo. It had only been a couple minutes, but his hands were sweaty and his leg was shaking under the table. Finally, his phone went off. You sent… a video?

He opened it and pressed play. There, he saw you rotating your wrist with the corsage on it. The first time he's ever seen your wrist, hand, or arm before. The first time he's even seen your skin tone.

Geez you act like you're in the Victorian ages, pull yourself together, he rolled his eyes at himself for being so overjoyed.

Next, the video panned to Skipper in his bowtie, looking handsome as ever. The camera zoomed in on him and he looked up into the view with his big brown eyes.

And then…

The camera panned to the side, and showed a mirror. A full length mirror, where you stood. He scanned your body from your perfectly done up hair and makeup, down your body to your dress. You wore your favorite dress, (in your favorite color, he noted) which showed off your body in the best ways. He looked down to the floor and noticed that you too were wearing fun socks instead of shoes. You wore a pair of striped socks and wrote in your caption "all dressed up and nowhere to go."

His heart picked up and he could feel himself breathing unevenly. He finally saw you. And you were gorgeous. He couldn't help the smile that enveloped his face.

Fuck. She's beautiful… I'm screwed.

She loves someone else. She loves someone else. She loves someone else. Forget your feelings.

Despite his struggle, he knew he wanted, and needed, to tell you how beautiful he thought you looked. This was a big step to show yourself, and he also knew how self-conscious you felt about your body.

"Wow, you're so beautiful."

You blushed, replying with a quick thank you with a heart, then sending a second message asking if he was ready to listen. The video wasn't the only trick you had planned up your sleeve tonight.

______

The clock turned to 7 PM and Pedro hit the dial for your number. You answered the phone and said a quick "hang on" to set up the shared listening party link for your album. Once sent, you took a deep breath and steadied your nerves. Then, you took the plunge.

"Okay I got the link! I'm so exci - what - wait, is this an accident?" Pedro's hand fumbled as he received your incoming video chat request, his heart picking up to a galloping pace.

"Nope! You can answer it. If you want.."

He quickly swiped the accept button and there you were. Clad in your favorite dress, sitting at a table with the meal he sent in front of you. He could see himself in the corner square, dressed in his suit, with nearly the identical table setup and food.

He couldn't help but notice on his own video screen that his cheeks were turning rosy and his mouth curled into a large smile. But he was too happy to be shy about his blush.

"So this is you," he said.

"This is me," you replied shyly, but still with a huge smile and blush plastered on your face, matching Pedro's.

"You look.." he sighed shakily "..wow.."

"You look pretty wow yourself there," you said with a shy giggle.

Both of you let out gentle laughs, feeling a warm glow as your stomachs felt matching butterflies of nerves, excitement, and… maybe something else.

"So should we listen, I guess?" You asked nervously.

He didn't answer. He was looking at the screen, eyes scanning the video.

Is he blushing? You wondered. But why would he be? He doesn't like me back… right?

He still hadn't answered you when you finally said "Pedro?? Did you hear me?"

He snapped out of it, somehow turning more crimson. "Oh! Sorry… yeah! Let's listen."

Your nerves were off the charts. Some of these songs were so vulnerable. The ones at the end of the album were the most telling of all.

But as the two of you ate your dinners while listening to your new album, you began to relax. The night was filled with him giving praise and you giving background information on the meanings and production of the songs.

"Are all the different instruments and harmonies played by you?"

"They are! The studio offered studio musicians but I had originally played them all when I wrote it and wanted to keep it a one woman show."

"You're incredible," Pedro said, shaking his head.

You blushed, for the billionth time today.

When it came to "Imaginary Love" Pedro grinned. "Hey I know this one! The one that started it all."

"Yep!" You agreed and he began lip syncing to the lyrics dramatically. Little did he know, those lyrics were actually about him. You giggled as he acted out a soulful rendition of the chorus.

"You know, this whole journey has been a real rollercoaster and there have been times I've wished I hadn't posted that song..."

Pedro looked at you with that puppy dog look of his and you continued "but then I remember… that if I never posted it, I would've never started talking to you, and it makes it all worth it."

Pedro placed his hand on his heart and pouted his lip. "I agree. I'm glad to have met you. If I didn't love this song already, that alone would be enough reason for me to consider it one of my favorites.

You grinned and looked down at the table, suddenly feeling shy. The two of you continued to listen, having long finished your dinner. Conversation flowed easily, and you couldn't help but feel like you were on a date. Not that you had much experience with that, but from what you'd seen in movies and shows, this felt very date-like. And you didn't want it to end.

But as the album went on, you approached the last two songs. The ones you were scared of most. The most vulnerable of the album.

The second to last began to play.

'It's hard to imagine craving something that I've never had.

Dumb to be so desperate for something I've gone without.

But when I'm alone and thinking to myself, I need it so bad.

I crave it like a drug, but one I know nothing about.

Your kiss on my lips, or any kiss at all.

It hasn't happened yet, no matter how hard I fall.

The years keep passing, but still no love.

The years go by, but still no kisses.

I keep wondering and praying up above,

I guess I'm unkissable, despite my wishes.'

Pedro furrowed his brow, looking at you, searching for something. He read the title of the song, "Unkissable," and looked up again, opening and closing his mouth to find the right words.

"Do-" he stopped himself and pondered his wording again. "Is- are all these songs true?"

You stared at the table, picking your nail against the wood. "Yes."

"You really believe that?"

"... I mean… I don't know… maybe… I guess…" you avoided his gaze, but could feel it.

"And you've never-"

"Kissed anyone before? No. I haven't."

"But you've wanted to?"

"Yes," you whispered, starting to feel tears prick at your eyes.

Pedro shifted his lips to the side in thought before finally saying "well… you're still young. It'll happen."

"I'm 26, Pedro. Most people have kissed by the time they've graduated high school. I just… missed the boat I guess. It's okay. I'm just being silly. I don't want it that bad. We can maybe listen to something else now."

"Hey, hey. Don't shut down on me," he asked pleadingly. "26 is still very young, and don't worry about whenever everyone else has done things. Everyone does things at their own pace. I'm sorry you haven't experienced it yet, especially when you want it so badly, but I know that when it does happen, it'll probably be better than any kiss you would've had with some 15 year old boy you would've had in high school."

You laughed, breaking your tears for a minute. "Thanks Pedro."

"Of course. And hey, don't think of yourself as unkissable. Any guy should be so lucky to be with you. Maybe the guy you wrote about in your song will be your first."

"Maybe… I hope so. Thank you."

While your heart bloomed at the kind words and prospect of maybe kissing Pedro in the future, Pedro's heart began to ache. Not only was he sad for you when you wanted love so desperately, but he also couldn't help but feel sad hearing you want to kiss another man. He wants to be that guy for you. He wasn't joking when he said any man would be lucky. But especially knowing now your true age, 22 years younger than him, he knew for sure your crush couldn't be him. You were way too young to be interested in a 48 year old man. He was silly for even entertaining the idea.

But at least he had a new friend. And as he thought longer, he thought about his best friend Sarah, and her relationship. They have a huge age gap, 32 years, but they're happy. And he's happy for her. It doesn't feel weird with them. Could he have that with you? Or is he in over his head?

The last song on the album began to play. This one was less vulnerable, but if he decided to look at the lyrics and notice patterns, he'd see it in the chorus.

'People have a lot to say

Everyone loves or hates me

Don't know what I did today

Right now you're all I can see

Only want to be with you.

Please, love me too.'

You're sure the obsessive listeners will figure out the acrostic, and if Pedro looks up the lyrics, he might too. But either way, it's out there. All you can do is hope for the best and eventually you're sure it'll come out anyway.

This wasn't one you were sure about putting on the album, but when the studio read through your personal songbook, they went insane over it. They figured it out quickly, and they promised they'd keep it to themselves. Luckily they have so far, but if money came calling, you think they'd sell your heart faster than you could say no.

The song, and album, came to a close and Pedro looked up at the screen once again, staring into your eyes. "Once again your music has blown me away."

Whether he put together the end or not, he wasn't letting on.

"Thank you Pedro. I really appreciate it. And thank you for tonight. It was truly special and I mean it when I say it's the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. You didn't have to go through all that trouble," you said thoughtfully.

"It was no trouble. You deserve congratulations for your album," Pedro replied with a smile.

Right.. it's just a congratulations. Nothing else. You sighed.

"Thank you. I'm really glad we did this. Talk again soon?" You asked.

"Absolutely. It was wonderful to meet you finally," Pedro said, finishing the sentence with your real name and smiling.

"It was great to meet you too, Pedro."

__________

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading.

Looking for more? Next chapter!

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibleywrites @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon @winchestergypsy90 @red-red-rogue @theendwhereibegin @lottieellz101 @oliversaurus @kyga01 @milly-louise @titabel @taz-97

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x you #a! wrote a fic #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal rpf #pedro pascal x afab!reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x musician!reader #pedro pascal x plus sized! reader #pedro pascal x y/n #rpf #key to your heart

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ahdriking · 2 months

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Mansuang Review:

Mansuang was amazing. I was particularly impressed by Apo's performance as Khem, which was emotional and complex and deeply moving. His story was riveting to me. I personally love characters with trauma in their backgrounds, who have been beaten down by the world into a certain way of thinking and behaving, and Apo captured that experience gracefully and expertly. There is palpable pain in his performance of the darkest moments. I will say that they could have expanded upon his character development a lot more. It would have been nice to have a bit more emotional nuance in his journey towards self-love and acceptance, but I definitely didn't feel unsatisfied by where his narrative ended up. The movie was already juggling so much they clearly just didn't have the time to dedicate to expanding upon the nitty gritty aspects of his healing.

I will say that I am honestly kinda surprised this didn't have any romance in it at all, because there is such a good foundation for it that it feels like they wasted? Like, Khem feeling that no one cares about him except for his body could have been the gateway to Chatra demonstrating care and affection for him outside of sex, proving that he's capable of being loved for who he is. That jumps out at me. That might have been an opportunity for them also to have expanded on Chatra's character, and given him more presence and personality. Khem is a protector, that's clear in the way he treats Wan, but he so often has to sacrifice himself in that role that it would have been devastatingly effective if Chatra had had an opportunity to take care of him in some way instead.

I loved the *bad touch* backstory, for whumping reasons, but it did leave me a little confused. Why did Khem have to have sex with those people? Was it because he's ambitious enough that he'll sell himself to advance his position? Was it because someone was forcing him to, like a boss or person in power? Was it because he felt he had no choice, or was protecting Wan from something? I just wish we could have gotten to know him better, because we get to see the impact of the trauma but we don't really get to understand it, and that leaves me wondering. It felt like, during the dance scene where Khem goes off script, that he did that as an attempt at seduction, because seduction is what he knows and what he expects. He's used to trading in on his beauty and sex appeal to get what he wants. That suggests so many characteristics to me that just... don't quite exist in the rest of the story. And there's no real conclusion to it other than Khem, at the end of the story, choosing to be a dancer because he's at peace with his place in society. Again, lots and lots of opportunities were built up that just didn't quite manage to hit a home run.

Mile did a fucking fantastic job with what he was given, but I was a little disappointed with his role in the story. I felt like the relationship between him and Khem was half-done and underdeveloped, but it had so much potential! He put in an absolutely solid performance, and knocked the emotional scenes out of the park, but I couldn't help but feel like he wasn't given the chance to really shine.

Tong killed it. Killed it fucking dead. That man has the screen presence of a King, which surprised the fuck out of me cos I thought he was a character actor based on his performance in KinnPorsche. But no, this guy has range. I was very impressed.

Bas did a great job playing a racist sad boy. RIP Wan.

In conclusion: a flawed movie, but still so enjoyable and so, so worth watching. I cannot fucking wait for Shine, I hope that it delivers in some of the areas Mansuang wasn't able to.

#mansuang #mansuang review #mansuang spoilers #apo nattawin #mile phakphum #man suang

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tightjeansjavi · 8 months

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blue jeans n’Texas dreams | part 15

“I love you, and that’s all I really know”

A/N: another chapter in the books! I don’t want to spoil too much of what happens, so I guess you’re just gonna have to read and find out ;)

~word count: 8.3k~

Pairing | Joel Miller x horseback riding instructor f!reader

Summary: Joel and Tommy have a serious conversation, you and Joel talk things out and discuss the future of your relationship.

Warnings: smut, protected piv, dom/sub vibes, Joel is a whimpering mess, verbal consent, teasing, edging, denial of orgasm, sub! Joel, oral (f receiving) sex in public (on a bathroom sink) angst, panic attacks, discussion of relationship trauma, emotions, forgiveness, accountability, fluff, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is clover because you’re Joel’s lucky charm, (+18) minors dni!

main masterlist series masterlist playlist

Tommy Miller had only seen his brother have a serious meltdown on one other occasion; the night Joel came home to find his wife had up and left him and Sarah. The younger Miller brother almost didn’t know how to initially react when he found Joel crouched down against the side of his truck with his face buried deep into his hands.

“Joel?..” Tommy hesitantly asked as he crouched down in front of his older brother. “Hey man, what’s goin’ on? Do you wanna sit out here and let the skeeters get us, or do you want to sit in your truck?”

Joel wordlessly pulled himself up to his feet, refusing to make eye contact with his brother out of shame. Once Tommy unlocked the door, Joel quickly climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door behind him.

Tommy took a moment for himself to mentally figure out exactly how he was going to approach this extremely tender situation. On the one hand, he understood why his brother was freaking out over the news he received from you. On the other, Tommy knew that he was going to have to knock some sense into Joel before he would have the chance to really spiral.

“Alright, before we get down into the nitty gritty stuff, you—didn’t just go and break up with her did you? Cus’ if ya did I’m gonna have no choice but to smack you upside the head.” Tommy asked as he pulled the driver's side door shut.

“I didn’t break up with her.” Joel murmured with his back facing the center console and his arms crossed over his chest in a protective stance.

“Well, ain’t that a relief.” Tommy responded with an exasperated sigh.

“At least..I don’t think I did. Oh god, did I? I just told her I needed some space to breathe and that we can talk when I’m ready. Does—does she think that we broke up? Fuck. I look like such an asshole right now! What the hell was I thinking?!”

“Woah woah woah. Easy there cowboy. Let’s not go and get ourselves all worked up, okay? Joel..can you look at me please? C’mon brother. I just wanna help you out here, but I can’t do that if your ugly mug is facin’ the other way.”

Joel grumbled out a response as he pushed himself as far into the corner of the seat that his broad frame would allow him to.

“Joel, c’mon. Ain’t gonna get much talkin’ done if you’re gonna be a little shit.” He gently placed his hand along his shoulder giving it a soft reassuring squeeze.

“I’m just terrified that this is all becoming too fuckin’ much for me to handle Tommy.” Joel responded with a deep sigh as he reluctantly faced his brother finally.

“..your relationship with Clover is becoming too much for you to handle? Brother, just this mornin’ you were goin’ on about how you want to marry her and that you want me to be the best man at your wedding.”

“Yeah and jus’ under 24 hours ago we confessed our feelings and had sex for the first time. Then this mornin’ we went at it like fuckin’ rabbits, and I brought up the marriage thing again. Then I find out that Sarah called Clover mom, and for fuck sakes Tommy, can’t I just feel for a minute?”

“Yeah, Ryder told me about how Sarah called Clover mom. So that’s what you’re really all freaked out about. Ain’t it?”

“Yeah.” Joel responded flatly.

“Alright well, how ‘bout you start off by tellin’ me what about this is freaking you out? I can make some educated guesses, but I’d rather you tell me.”

Joel responded with a huff as he sank back against the passenger seat, looking up at the weathered fabric ceiling. “Tommy, you and I both know that this is the first woman to get close to my daughter since—y’know. Not only that, but this changes the entire dynamic of our relationship.”

“How so?”

Joel looked over at his brother as if he had suddenly sprouted five heads. “How so? Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that I have to now think about the idea of co-parenting with someone after raising Sarah primarily on my own? How about the fact that I have to think about finances, and living with a romantic partner? How about—”

Tommy cut him off almost immediately. “Now hold on just a minute here. You’re makin’ it sound like this is some terrible thing that has happened. Co-parenting? Clover moving in? Shared finances? Brother, these are all good and exciting things to think about.”

“Tommy, what if this is just movin’ too fuckin’ fast for me to keep up with? I’m scared that these inevitable changes are going to ruin the relationship I have with her. What if down the line she ends up not wanting to be Sarah’s step-mom? What if we break up and things get ugly? Tommy, I can’t go through that shit all over again. I can’t come home to another fuckin’ empty house with no explanation. I can’t have my heart fuckin’ ripped out of my chest again, because—because I love so fuckin’ hard.” Joel spoke exasperatedly as he vigorously wiped the tears that were beginning to stream down his face. His voice cracked, and his throat felt raw as he finally broke down into heavy sobs that had his entire body trembling.

Tommy was immediately reaching for his brother over the center console. He did his best to wrap Joel up in the tightest hug possible from the angle he was at. His heart was snapping in half right down the middle as he did his best to try and bring him back down to earth.

“Joel, hey..hey, big brother..Joel, it’s okay. You listen to me alright? It’s okay. I know you love so fuckin’ hard, and you don’t want your heart to end up broken and I can’t blame you for that, I really can’t. But now I need’ya to listen to me real good now. That woman upstairs? She loves you. She loves you and your daughter unconditionally. She’s a dime a dozen, and I have never seen you light up so much around someone before. Your eyes fuckin’ twinkle man. They twinkle! Relationships are hard. They’re scary, and complicated and easy to get caught up in. Change is hard too, but you’re one of the strongest fuckin’ people I know. You’re my big brother, for fuck sakes. You’re the person I’ve looked up to since we were little shits.” Tommy was holding back his own tears from falling as he held onto his brother tightly.

“What I’m tryin’ to say is that you ain’t got nothin’ to worry about with that one. She loves you, and you love her. She’s the best damn thing to happen to ya other than when Sarah was born. I don’t believe in all that soulmate mumbo jumbo crap, but y’all? Y’all got somethin’ fuckin’ real. Like that shit out of those cheesy romance movies that Sarah loves to watch. Besides, if y’all did break up? Man, I think I’d stop believing in love entirely.”

Joel was holding onto his brother equally as tight. He wasn’t sure what he would do if he didn’t have the privilege of having a brother that was so supportive of him. Tommy just always knew exactly what to say when it came to situations like these. “Tommy..” Joel began to utter softly, “I don’t have a goddamn clue what I would do without ya.”

“Oh, you shut the hell up. I will not be sheddin’ any tears tonight! Don’t go and sayin’ sappy shit like that or else I will cry Joel.” Tommy playfully threatened him as he slowly pulled back from the hug.

Both Miller brothers sat in silence for a few minutes, sans the crickets chirping their nighttime tune, and the occasional soft hoot of an owl in one of the pine trees surrounding the property.

“Tommy?..” Joel softly asked as he broke through the silence. “D’ya think..I should go in there and talk this out with her tonight? I–don’t want her goin’ to bed thinkin’ that we’ve broken up, or for her to think that i’m upset with her cus’ i’m not..and I just think maybe I should–” He was cut off by Tommy literally holding his hand up in the air to signal him to stop talking.

“No. I don’t think you should go and talk to her tonight. Now, before you go and get your panties all in a twist, lemme explain my reasoning. I know this pretty much goes against your nature..but you gotta give her some space tonight. Y’all just dropped the love bomb on each other yesterday, and then proceeded to fuck like bunnies for half the mornin.’ Not only that, but she’s probably g’nna spend the night with Ryder and have some girl time. Y’know pillow fights and scissorin’ each other. Girly stuff.”

“Tommy, I don’t think they’re fuckin’ scissorin’ each other. D’ya ever think with that pea sized brain of yours?” Joel responded with a light snicker.

“Will ya let me finish? Sheesh. As I was sayin’, I think that tonight you go in there and spend some time with your kiddo. G’on n’hug her real tight. Read her and El a bedtime story and then tomorrow morning, you and Clover can talk. You’ve put yourself through enough emotional turmoil today, big brother. Tomorrow is a new day, and I don’t need you thinkin’ yourself into a hole, alright? This is your Clover we’re talkin’ about here. Not Sarah’s mom, not any of the other women you’ve been with. You ain’t gotta stress, alright?”

Joel nodded his head begrudgingly because deep down he knew his brother was right. Talking to you tonight was not going to make the situation better. Tomorrow was a new day, and he just had to trust his gut feeling that everything was going to be okay.

“You’re right.” Joel muttered under his breath.

“What was that? I, Tommy Miller, is right about somethin’ for a change?” He had the biggest grin on his face as Joel reached over and lightly punched him in his bicep.

“Yeah, y’heard me. Don’t go and let it get to that already massive head of yours.” Joel teasingly warned him.

“Pshh.” Tommy replied with a scoff, “I would never.”

“Mhm. I ain’t too sure about that.”

When Ryder found you in the upstairs bathroom, her heart sank at the sight of you pruning up in the tub. Your knees were pulled up to your chest with your cheek resting against your kneecap. The water was room temperature at this point, but you didn’t have the heart, nor care to move. Maybe you might have been acting a tad dramatic, but even if that were to be true, there was no denying the present pain you were feeling in your heart.

“Oh, babe..That bad, huh?” Ryder softly spoke as she went to sit down on the edge of the tub.

“I just..I thought he would be happy..” Your voice was barely above a whisper as a stray tear rolled down your cheek.

“Honey, I'm sure he is. Guys can just be..well, weird sometimes. I’m sure Tommy successfully knocked some sense into his head, and then you guys will be able to talk it through tomorrow, okay?”

You let out a deep sigh as you lifted your chin to the side so you could briefly make eye contact with your best friend. “Do you..think i’m overreacting about this right now? Everything was fine until I told him about Sarah calling me mom this afternoon and then it was like something suddenly flipped in him. I was already nervous to bring it up to him because I know that it is a big deal, but I didn’t think it would..freak him out that much.”

“Clove, you’re not overreacting about this at all. I think it’s completely valid that you’re upset over how he reacted to the news. I would have felt the same way if I was in your position. From what Tommy has told me, Joel hasn’t had it easy in the romance department, and you’re his..first real girlfriend since Sarah’s mom left. I’m sure he is excited to take this next step with you, but I can also understand why he was feeling a little overwhelmed.”

“Yeah, he hasn’t had it easy, and the last thing I wanted to do was stress him out over this. I think what’s hurting me the most is he was so focused on the logistic changes, and not the sentimental value? I don’t know if that makes sense, but he immediately brought up the fact that I would have to move in, and us co-parenting and finances..it just took away from the moment y’know?”

Ryder gently reaches for your hand that is now resting along the side of the smooth porcelain tub. She interlocks her fingers through yours and gives your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Clove, I completely understand where you’re coming from. If Tommy and I were in that situation, and he acted like that? I would be pretty hurt by it as well. Your feelings, and his feelings are valid. It’s all gonna work out baby. I promise. Now, let’s get you out of this tub and into some comfy pj’s and then you and I can snuggle all night? How’s that sound?”

You squeeze her hand back gently with a small smile tugging on the corner of your lips as you gaze up at your best friend lovingly. “You wanna snuggle all night with me? Just like old times?”

“Baby, of course I do. I can even ask Tommy if he can make us some tea?” She gently lets go of your hand and grabs a towel just as you're standing up from the tub. You’re shivering slightly from the slight chill in the air and being in lukewarm water for too long as she wraps the fluffy towel around your body.

“That sounds perfect.”

When Joel and Tommy return to the house Tommy could sense that his brother is torn about waiting to talk to you until tomorrow morning. The younger Miller shakes his head disapprovingly. Joel mutters under his breath as he saunters down the hall instead. He knows Tommy is right, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to be stubborn about it.

He stops just outside Ellie and Sarah’s door that is half open. He can hear Ellie telling yet another ghost story from her book. Their girlish giggles are infectious as a warm smile graces his face. He knocks softly before gently pushing the door open.

“Daaad.” Sarah giggles as she playfully tosses her pillow at him. “What are you doing here? El was just getting to the best part!”

He catches the pillow with a soft chuckle. “Well, I was thinking maybe I could read to you girls tonight?”

“What about Clover?” Sarah softly asks as a frown slowly spreads across her face.

“Oh, she’s spendin’ some time with Ryder tonight. They need their girly time together y’know?”

Sarah and Ellie both look unconvinced by his answer, but agree nonetheless.

Ellie tosses him her book from the top bunk and he catches it with ease.

“You kids gonna make this old man climb all the way up there?” He muses with a gentle grin.

Both girls look at each other before giggling. “It’s not that high up, and you aren’t that old!”

Joel lets out an annoyed huff as he shakes his head. “Little shits. You’re lucky I love ya both so much.” He murmurs as he slowly climbs up the bunk stairs. “Move over and make some room.” He curses under his death when his head accidentally bonks into the ceiling of the top bunk.

When he finally gets situated, Ellie and Sarah are already snuggling up on either side of his shoulders as he opens up to the chapter Ellie left off on and begins to softly read. At some point, both girls doze off, and so does he with the book open and resting flat against his chest.

You’re the first to emerge from your bedroom the following morning. It’s half past 5 a.m when you throw on one of Joel’s sweatshirts and grab your book and pen before heading downstairs. Your footsteps are quiet as you don’t want to accidentally wake anyone up. You make yourself a fresh pot of coffee and head down to the dock. The lake is still with a gentle cloak of fog dusting across the surface as you sink down along the edge of the dock. Your legs loosely dangle above the surface as you languidly swing your legs back and forth. You scribble something down in your book as you finish up on the page you left off on. Your mind is at peace as you allow yourself to leave the present world and transport yourself into a fictional one.

It was around 7:30 when Joel had somehow climbed out of the top bunk without disturbing Sarah and Ellie. He bonked his head yet again as he quietly descended down the bunk steps. He rubs the sleep from his eyes as he trudges down the hallway and into the kitchen. Tommy is up and leaning against the counter as he glanced out the kitchen window where he has a clear view of where you’ve been sitting for what he can infer has been a couple of hours.

Joel spots your sitting Silhouette at the end of the dock as he pours himself a cup of coffee. “Mornin’ Tommy. How long has..she been out there?”

“Mornin’ brother. Not sure. She was out there when I got up, so maybe for a couple hours?” Tommy responds with a shrug as he takes another sip of his coffee. “Y’gonna go out there and talk things out?”

Joel sighs as he sinks back against the otherside of the counter. “Yeah, I’m plannin’ on it. Kinda nervous if I’m bein’ honest. I don’t even know where to start..” he trails off with a deep frown painted on his lips.

“Good. You should be nervous. Being nervous means that you give a shit. If you walked up to her all confident n’shit, she wouldn’t appreciate it.”

Joel couldn’t help but chuckle at his brother's words. He was absolutely right. You would not appreciate him going in and acting like he didn’t fuck up last night. “Yeah, she wouldn’t appreciate that. I will say after you and I talked last night, I definitely feel a lot better than I did before.”

“I’m glad I was at least able to calm you down. I know it was really upsetting for you, but I’m relieved that you’ve come to your senses. You just gotta be raw and honest and talk it out. Let her know you’re sorry and that you want to work things out.” He reached over and gently gave Joel’s shoulder a squeeze. “Get on out there and make up with your girl, lover boy.”

Joel playfully pushed him away with a roll of his eyes. “Alright. Alright. I’m goin’ now.” He took another nervous sip of his coffee before he left the kitchen and slipped out past the porch door. His palms were sweaty as he slowly walked down the dock, and it felt like his heart was about to fall right out of his ass. He swallowed his pride as he slowly sank down along the dock next to you. He held the mug between his thighs as his feet dangled above the surface of the lake.

“What’re you readin?’” He softly asked you as he glanced over in your direction. He watched the way your eyes skimmed over the page you were currently reading. He was trying to detect any emotion on your face, but you were doing a pretty damn good job of hiding anything that you were presently feeling.

“Game of Thrones.” You curtly responded before gently closing the book between your fingers to hold the page down. “Book number three, A Storm of Swords.”

“I’ve only read the first one.” He admitted softly as he nervously adjusted his posture. He could already feel sweat beading up along the back of his neck and below his hairline.

Relax. Relax, Joel. You just need to let her know that you’re sorry.

“Do you believe in soulmates, Joel?” Your question was unexpected for both you, and him, but after reading about how deeply devoted Oberyn Martell was to his soulmate and lover, Ellaria Sand, you couldn’t help but ask if Joel believed in soulmates like you did.

“I think I do. Well, at least in some capacity I do. I think there’s definitely a person out there for everyone. I’ve uh—never researched the topic or anything like that.” He cleared his throat as he rested his one hand between your two bodies. “Why do you ask?”

“Oberyn Martell was devoted to his soulmate and lover, Ellaria Sand, who could produce him no legitimate heirs as she was born a bastard. Despite this, she blessed him with several daughters. Oberyn's demise is caused by his desire to avenge his sister Elia Martell who is brutally murdered by ser Gregor Clegane. Ellaria is desperate to change her lover's mind as she fears for his life, and he refuses to listen. Driven by his lust for revenge, he grows cocky during the duel and is murdered in front of Ellaria by The Mountain.”

Joel can feel his stomach churn with unease as he tries to piece together why you felt it was necessary to disclose this information to him. You could tell that he was deep in thought by the way his brows furrowed and his eyes shifted to the calm lake below. “Clove, what does this have to do with yours and I’s relationship?”

“I’m telling you their tragic story because it’s relevant to what we’re presently going through, Joel. If Oberyn would have listened to Ellaria’s concerns, he would still be alive. If they had come to a mutual agreement, he would have ultimately realized that his lust for revenge would be in vain. While this takes place in a fantasy realm, and we live in the real world, I just want us to..be able to communicate our feelings on a mutual ground. I want you to feel like you’re being heard, but I also want to feel the same for myself.”

Joel let out a soft breath as his shoulders relaxed and slumped forward. He nodded his head in agreement, letting you know that he was fully listening and understanding what you were explaining to him. “I understand. I want that as well..and I know that a relationship is not a one-way street. I don’t want our relationship to be like that. I want it to be a two-way street where we both are able to discuss and communicate our issues.”

You both fell silent for a moment before Joel grew enough courage to finally say what he needed to say. He turned his body so he was fully facing you. “Clover, I am deeply sorry for how I treated you last night. I let my emotions get the best of me and I know it hurt your feelings. I know that you were excited, and nervous to tell me that Sarah called you mom, and I’m sorry that..my reaction was different than what you were expecting. There are a lot of things I wish I had said differently last night, and I know you and I share our own forms of relationship baggage and trauma. I was focusing on the fact that everything in our relationship will inevitably change, and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t ready for these changes or able to handle them. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel like I wasn’t hearing you. That I wasn’t respecting the fact that you do have your shit together, and that you want to be more involved in my daughter's life. Truthfully? I was scared. I am scared. I’m scared because..I have gotten so used to raising my daughter on my own that I never thought of the prospect of settling down with a partner who I would co-parent with. I was so focused on the logistic changes that it clouded my underwhelming joy that Sarah loves you just as much as I do. That you have been more of a mother figure to her than her own mother has.” He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he waited for your response.

“Joel, I know that you’re scared. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared either. This is a huge step for me, as it is for you. You are the first man that I have ever thought about seriously settling down with. I know there are inevitable changes that are intimidating on the surface, but Joel, I want this life with you. I want all these changes. I want to move in with you. I want to get married and co-parent with you. Change is always going to be scary. It’s inevitably scary, but we can’t let our fears rule us. We can’t let them control our emotions and cause us to lash out at the ones we love most. Joel, we have all the time in the world. We can take these steps as slow, or as fast as we want. We can do everything at our own pace, our own comfort levels. If you’re not ready for me to move in just yet, that’s OK. I’m never going to shame you for your feelings, okay? Yeah, last night should have gone differently, but I need to apologize as well.” Your eyes locked on his as you slowly reached for his hand and interlocked your fingers through his and rested it along your lap gently.

“You’re..scared too? I didn’t know that you were. Well, that honestly makes me feel a lot better..but darlin,’ I want this life with you too. Even if it’s done in an unconventional way. It’s our relationship, and we can make it work however we want. I do need some time working through the idea of you moving in. Maybe to start we could do a couple sleepovers during the week? Just so Sarah can get used to you being in the house more. Maybe on the nights you sleep over, you can drive her to school and I can pick her up in the afternoon? Or vice versa? I know you usually have to be at the barn early, so we can plan a schedule out that works for the both of us. You’re right about change inevitably being scary. It’s scary as fuck honestly. I’ve struggled to not let my emotions rule me for years and I know that I have a lot I need to work on. I think our relationship has a strong foundation, and I wanna build up on that and make it stronger. Clover, you have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He reassured you.

“Of course I’m scared. Joel, I wouldn’t be human if I wasn’t a little scared of the next steps in our relationship. I totally understand that you need some time with the idea of me moving in. We don’t have to jump the gun on any of this, but I think your idea to do sleepovers would definitely be a good way to start transitioning. We can work all those details out after this trip. I do however need to apologize because I reacted to some of the things that you said last night in a triggering manner. Joel, I know you didn’t call me baby to..take advantage of the situation and try and manipulate me, but past partners have used pet names on me during arguments to gain the upperhand. I know that’s not what you were doing, but I still reacted in the way as if you were doing that. Not only that, but I also acted like you were insinuating that I didn’t want to take this next step with you. I was pretty much putting words into your mouth and that wasn’t okay for me to do at all. For that, I am sorry. I’m working through my own issues and triggers everyday, but that doesn’t give me the right to take it out on you.”

Joel gave your hand a reassuring squeeze as he gently swiped his thumb back and forth across the top of your hand in a soothing motion. “Clover, I completely understand why you reacted the way that you did. It was an inappropriate time for me to call you baby, and your reaction was valid. Honestly? I probably would have felt the same way if you called me baby or something when I was already getting caught up in my own emotions. I’m sorry that past partners used it in a malicious context. I would never ever do that to you, but now I understand why you were triggered.” He took a deep breath as he squeezed your hand once more. “We both made some mistakes last night, and we’re both holding ourselves accountable. I love you, and I am willing to do anything I can to make this work. Do you forgive me?”

“Joel, I know you would never do that to me. After you left the bathroom I thought about everything that was said, and how I chose to react. There’s so many things I would have done differently, but I also love you, and I am willing to do anything I can to make this work as well. Of course I forgive you. I know you were coming from an emotional state of mind and you held no malicious intent. We’re going to work through this together, okay? You and me.”

“You and me.” He confirmed as he scooted closer to you so your thighs were touching. His head tilted down as he rested his chin along the crook of your shoulder, nuzzling his face affectionately against your skin as his arm gently draped along your lower back so that you could lean up against him if you chose to. “Now, can you tell me more about this infamous Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sand?” He mused in curiosity as he pressed a feather light kiss to the base of your neck.

“Well, he is very handsome. Might even be handsomer than you are.” You teasingly responded as you gently leaned back against the weight of his arm.

“Is that so? Well, I highly doubt that.” He teased back.

“They call him the red viper, and he has the nicest cock in all of Westeros. Men and women of all shapes, sizes, and colors beg to spend a night in his chambers.”

“Now you’re just fibbin’ darlin.’ Nicest cock in all of Westeros? Lemme see where it says that.” He’s grinning against your skin as he reaches for the book. Before he can grasp it, you're gently grabbing his chin and kissing him sweetly.

You and Joel spend all morning out on the dock until it feels like your skin is baking under the rays and you are left with no choice but to retreat back inside away from the powerful rays.

More egg jokes are cracked as everyone enjoys a late brunch at the kitchen table, and Tommy and Ryder silently decide that you and Joel deserve some privacy in the house to ‘properly’ make up.

Joel is visibly apprehensive as you take his hand and lead him up the stairs. His heart is thrumming wildly in his chest as he glances behind him momentarily. You already reassured him that Tommy and Ryder were going to take the kids out on the lake for a couple of hours so you and Joel could work things out in total privacy. There was an edge of tipping into the unknown when you practically dragged him to the bedroom. You talked things out and were able to reach a mutual understanding of one another but now?…he wasn’t sure what was about to happen.

“You’re not in trouble, Joel.” You reassured him shamelessly.

“Kinda makin’ it seem like I am.” He murmured as you dropped his hand and made yourself comfortable along the edge of the mattress, smoothing the comforter down with your hands.

“Take your cock out and get on your knees Joel.” It wasn’t a request, it was a demand and you watched as your Texas tall glass of water blinked thrice. It was as if his brain was rewiring in a panic because you had never spoken to him in such a demanding tone. He secretly liked it.

“You want me to do what?” He asked in disbelief. Eyes in an innocent almost doe-like gaze.

“You heard me, Miller. Take your cock out and get on your knees. Now.” You raise your eyebrow in his direction challengingly.

His mouth has seemingly gone dry as he blubbers like a fish. He’s obedient however as he’s already reaching for his cotton shorts and pushing them down his thighs. His cheeks are flushed beet red as he can already feel his cock twitch in his briefs.

“Take it out, Joel.” You cross one leg over the other as you wait impatiently.

He lets out a visible puff of air as he grabs the hem of his boxer briefs and tugs them down his legs, kicking them off to the side. His cock springs free and you can’t help but smirk at how hard he already is.

“On your knees. C’mon and be a good boy for me baby.”

He sinks down to his knees like an obedient dog on a leash. His ears pathetically perk up to the sound of you using a pet name instead of his birth name.

“Good boy.” You praise him as you curl your fingers in a come hither motion in the air “Now, crawl to me.”

If he wasn’t so disgustingly in love with you, he probably would have scoffed at your demand and mutter out a ‘fuck no I ain’t doin’ that.’ He wanted to be a good boy for you, so he placed his palms down along the plush carpet and crawled to you.

You were already removing your sleep shorts and panties by the time he had reached you. You leaned over and grasped his chin between your fingers and tilted his head upwards so he was looking up at you. “I’m going to tell you how this is going to go, okay? You really hurt my feelings. I forgive you, and I love you, but I’m going to punish you in a way that is still enjoyable for both of us. If you wish to tap out, I will obviously respect that and won’t push you if you’re not comfortable.”

Joel’s pupils are blown out wide as he gazes up at you. “You ain’t gonna whip me..are ya? That’s uh—that’s where I draw the line.” He nervously asks as his cock shamelessly twitches between his thighs.

You can’t help but giggle as you shake your head, stroking your thumb across his cheekbone gently. “No baby. I’m not going to whip you. I’m going to play with myself and you get to watch. You can’t touch me, but you can touch yourself only in the way I tell you to do so. Most importantly? You can’t cum.”

Joel can’t help the pathetic whimper that slips past his lips as he leans into your soft touch as if he’s been deprived of affection and he’s desperate for it. “Fuck. That’s hot. I can’t touch you at all?”

“No. You can’t touch me at all, but you can get as close to my pussy as you’d like.”

His eyes roll back into his skull as his heavy cock twitches once more between his thighs. “Okay.” He murmurs in agreement.

You give his cheek a gentle loving tap as you lean down and steal a quick kiss. “Good boy.” You release his face gently before spreading your thighs open along the mattress. You reach behind you for one of the pillows and tuck it under your back so he has a better view of just how wet you are.

His mouth falls open when you lick your fingers before dragging them down between your thighs. He’s pathetically mesmerized by the way you shamelessly begin to play with yourself. He scoots himself as close to the edge of the mattress, locked in a trance as he rests his cheek along the comforter right between your thighs. His eyes are glazed over in utter, lustful, pathetic stupidity. They’re glued to the spot between your legs as drool begins to drip down the corner of his mouth and dribble down his chin. He’s yearning for a fucking taste and you’ve barely started to touch yourself. “ya know for such a big hearted lil lady you sure can be fuckin’ mean” he murmurs, whimpering at the sight of you glistening in arousal.

“I know, baby. You just have to be a good boy, and then I’ll reward you.”

He licks his lips as he slowly gazes up at you from between your thighs. He lets out a frustrated puff of air as he rubs his cock against the side of the mattress for some form of relief. “Can I touch myself, please baby?” He whimpers desperately.

“Yes, you can, baby. I want you to slowly wrap your hand around yourself first.” You request as you rub your clit in slow circles, lips parting open as your thighs fall open further.

Your Texas tall glass of water obeys as he slowly wraps his hand around the base of his cock. He’s so hard in his hand, it’s nearly painful.

“Good boy. Now, slowly twist your wrist. You can squeeze a little, but not too much.”

He pathetically whines as he slowly begins to pump and twist his wrist around his length. His face is so close to your pussy. So close that he can nearly taste you on his tongue.

“Don’t even think about it.” You tut as his tongue darts out for a quick taste. “Don’t be a bad boy.”

He breathes out a heavy puff of air through his flared nostrils and it fans your core deliciously as your fingers dip down and gather up your wetness. He lets out a shuddered breath when two of your digits slip inside your warmth. The squelching sound your pussy makes is nearly too much for him to handle as his freehand fists at the comforter, knuckles stark white as he continues to pathetically jerk himself off. His knees ache, his back aches, but he doesn’t care. He’s never been so fucking humiliated and turned on at the same time in his life.

“Please. Please let me taste you. Baby, please. I’m so sorry. I’ll never—never hurt your feelings again. Your pussy needs me darlin.’ She’s weepin’ for me. You’re killin’ me slowly ov’here. Please. I’m fuckin’ beggin’ you.”

He’s a blubbering mess as tears begin to roll down his cheeks. His words stumble out of his parted lips like word vomit. “Please. Please. Please. Clover, baby. This is fuckin’ torture.”

His pleas only seem to spur you forward before you’re ultimately giving in. You slip your fingers out slowly before tangling them in his scalp. He wastes no time to wrap his lips around your clit, sucking greedily as he murmurs ‘thank you baby.’ Over and over again with a mouthful of your pussy.

It’s late afternoon when Tommy, Ryder, and the girls come back from being on the lake for the majority of the day. The girls are visibly exhausted as they head to their room for a quick nap while the adults play a round of poker at the kitchen table. You and Joel are glowing from the inside out as you play footsie under the table like a couple of teenagers.

By 7pm everyone is piled up in Joel’s truck to head out for an excursion. He already told Tommy earlier in the week that it would be fun for everyone to go out for a sunset trail ride, so he found the nearest ranch to the lakehouse, and booked it without a second thought. It was a short 20 minute drive to the ranch and as soon as you passed by a field of horses grazing peacefully, you looked over at your boyfriend with a smile that lit up like a damn Christmas tree.

“How did I know that this little excursion that you have planned was going to involve horses? How did I know?” You asked with a grin. He replied with a little shrug of his shoulders and sheepish grin. “Jus’ figured we’d all enjoy a lil’ sunset trail ride before hittin’ the town for some good ole dancin.’”

Ellie and Sarah, who were smushed in the middle seats between Tommy and Ryder, both looked at each other before whispering in unison, “Yep. They’re soo twitterpated.”

Joel and Tommy looked like proper cowboys in their white tees and blue jeans that did absolute wonders for their thighs and ass. They both were sporting their cowboy hats as well. Man, you were gonna climb your Texas tall glass of water later like a damn tree. Once your horses were saddled up, you and Joel took the lead at the front as your horses calmly walked side by side along the marked trail. You held onto the reins with one hand while the other was outstretched towards Joel. He interlocked his pinky with yours as he looked over at you. “Did I ever tell ya that the sunset really brings out the color of your eyes? Man, are you jus’ stunnin.’” He’s grinning from ear to ear as you feel cheeks begin to get hot from his comment.

“Hmm..I believe you have. At least a dozen times at this point, baby. Have I ever told you just how fantastic your ass looks in a pair of blue jeans? You’re looking like an absolute snack this evening, honey.” You shoot him a playful wink.

He playfully fans his face with his freehand. His eyes squint under the soft glow of the fading sun as he chuckles. “Nah. I think this is the first time you’ve ever given’ me a compliment like that darlin.’ Does my ass really look that good? Snack worthy? Well, lil’ lady, that’s a mighty fine compliment. I am deeply flattered.”

“Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert worthy baby. I will be taking a little nibble on it later tonight.”

He blushes a deep shade of red as he looks away from you bashfully. It’s a good thing the kids are far back enough that they can’t detect yours and Joel’s disgusting flirting. “Jus’ a nibble?” He looks back over at you with the tips of his cheek still as red as a fire hydrant.”

“More like a bite than a nibble”

“Atta girl.”

The sunset is absolutely stunning. The sky is painted in a brilliant hue of pinks, purples, and oranges. The colors fade together like a watercolor painting. You and Joel are still holding pinkies when Ryder takes her camera out from her bag. She snaps a picture of the two of you looking over at one another lovingly.

The ride back to the ranch is equally peaceful and you make it back just before the sun has completely disappeared from the sky. Sarah and Ellie insist on giving their horses a well deserved carrot and brush down. The ranch owner ends up taking a group picture of the six of you and your horses.

You’ve never actually attended a proper ‘hoedown’ till now and boy, did you wish that you’d gone before. The barn where the dance was held was properly lit up with twinkling fairy lights along the wooden ceilings and panels, and a disco ball glittered brightly in the middle of the dance floor. Every attendee was dressed in some form of country attire to fit the theme. There was a bar area and food station, and the girls immediately filled up on kiddy-cocktails paired with burger and fries.

When the music started Joel wasted no time to pull you up from your seat so you could dance together. You’re both out of breath by the fifth song but man, you’re having so much fun you can’t even feel the ache in your feet or your heart pounding out of your chest. You're both filled with bright smiles and echoing laughter as a new country singer named ‘Blanco Brown’ takes the stage and performs his new song called ‘The Git Up.’ It's got all the classic country flare with a pop vibe mixed in. There’s even a choreographed dance to go along with it. Joel nearly eats shit on the last couple of spins but you’re right there to keep him steady as he twirls you around.

Even Ellie and Sarah are swinging each other around in a circle.

There’s not one frown in sight. Just smiles, laughter, and good music.

At some point you and Joel disappeared into the bathroom. He was smart enough to lock the door behind him so no one would interrupt. Your infectious giggles quickly turned into moans as he took you up against one of the bathroom sinks. Your own cowboy hat nearly falls off your head from how hard he is thrusting into you while you’re gripping onto either side of the sink for dear life. His freehand that isn’t presently grasping your hip, is gently placed over your mouth to block out your high pitched moans. “Gotta be quiet, baby. Or else we’re gonna get caught red handed. You didn’t think that I was actually gonna let you get away with your little game earlier, did ya?”

All you can do is shake your head as you cry out against his palm.

He’s a total gentleman after fucking you, so it comes as no surprise when he uses a wad of toliet paper to gently clean up the mess between your thighs before he fixes your dress for you. He kisses your lips sweetly as he wraps his arm around your shoulders and you reach up to interlock your fingers as you exit the restroom.

“Did you just—” Tommy raises a brow in yours and Joel’s direction as you approach the table he and Ryder are sitting at.

“Fuck in the women’s bathroom?” Joel finishes the question for him. “Absolutely not. That would be downright un-American, brother.” His subtle wink says otherwise.

It’s a little before eleven when you all arrive home. Everyone is doing their own thing as the energy from dancing all night begins to wind down. Joel finds Ellie out on the wrap around porch with one of Joel’s guitars resting across her lap. She’s messing with the strings when he sinks down alongside her on the outdoor couch. “Y’need some help, kiddo?” He can hear you and Sarah through the open window near the kitchen, mumbling about how stupidly difficult this puzzle is, and why won’t these pieces just fit? He can’t help the smile that washes over his face knowing that everything was going to be alright after all.

“Oh, hey Joel. Yeah..would you mind? I’m just not very good at this.” Ellie responds softly with a defeated sigh.

“El, that ain’t true. Y’jus’ need a bit of practice is all.” He murmurs softly.

The younger girl lets out a soft huff as she looks over at him. “Can you teach me then? I don’t even know where to start.”

“Course I can, kiddo. I’d love to teach you.” Joel wraps his arm around her in a gentle squeeze

Ellie’s eyes softly light up as she leans into his comforting touch, resting her head against his shoulder. Joel loves Ellie as if she were his own, and in some ways she is. He knew that her life at home wasn’t the best, but he didn’t know the full extent of her situation. What he did know is that he cared for her, and he’d be there for her no matter what. By the end of the night Ellie had learned a few chords and how to properly tune the strings on a guitar. Joel loved every second of being able to teach her.

After the girls were tucked in and Joel was finally back in bed with you, he found himself being the big spoon as he wrapped his body around yours.

“Whad’ya think about adoptin?’” He softly asks as he presses a gentle kiss to the back of your head.

“Is this hypothetical or something that you’re seriously thinking about?” You respond softly as gently grab his hands and bring them up to your lips, kissing his knuckles affectionately.

“Hypothetical..but it could be serious. It’s jus’ that Ellie’s folks are hardly ever around. She’s pratically fendin’ for herself, and it ain’t right. She’s just a kid.” He murmurs as he buries his face into your neck.

“Do you love her like she’s your own?”

“I do.” He softly confirms as he inhales your natural scent through his nose, followed by a soft exhale.

“Then I say..we should look into it.” You press another gentle kiss to his knuckles as you snuggle further back into his warm grip.

“Okay, you and me?”

“You and me baby.”

Banners made by the lovely @saradika

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godkillerbrigade · 3 months

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Friendship Encounters and Roleplaying in The Last Days of Friendship Valley

The Last Days of Friendship Valley features a card-based tactical Friendship Encounter system that puts you deep into the nitty-gritty of negoatiation and interpersonal interaction. It's the mechanical core of the game: your character build affects both the results of encounters and your choices outside of them.

To give an example of how it works: Let's say you're trying to mediate an argument between two other goats. Things are getting heated, and it's up to you to keep the peace. Depending on how you've built your character, you might...

Approach with caution, starting with small talk with one goat to build rapport and take their attention away from the argument, and tamping down their anger until they give up the argument. At that point, you can focus on the other goat, suggesting that they apologize; with luck, they'll do so, resolving the encounter.

Wade into the argument by starting a completely new fight. Once you're the center of attention, you can start to resolve that argument by apologizing for the mess you caused. Of course, if you're not careful, you might end up losing your head...

Get at the real issue as quickly as possible by poking at touchy subjects. Sure, there's an argument happening, but is anger really the problem? Or is there an underlying grief that needs to be resolved? Of course, this might up triggering a whole new problem: now one of the goats is crying and the other one feels awful.

Completely ignore the argument, shouting "NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING, HUH" at louder and louder volumes until everyone else gives up trying to have a conversation. This generally doesn't go well, but, like, maybe if you're loud enough it'll work?

All the while, you need to handle your own emotions; if you're not careful, you'll become the problem.

As you can see, there's a great deal of personal freedom in how you approach Friendship Encounters! All these examples are literal descriptions of various approaches to resolving an encounter. The resultant system allows for extremely deep roleplaying, not just in how you interact with other goats, but in how your character reacts to stressful situations.

Wishlist The Last Days of Friendship Valley today:

#The Last Days of Friendship Valley #Friendship Valley #goats #gamedev #deckbuilder #rpg

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liquorishblack · 1 year

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Inside the twisted mind of Hisoka Morow (part 2)

Relationship headcanon

Before you start reading, you should definitely check out part 1 , so you can understand my reasoning a little bit better.♡

Part 1 , Part 2

Synopsis: What a relationship with Hisoka Morow would look like, from sweet beginning to bitter end.

Genre: nsfw!, fluff, angst, headcanon, psychoanalysis, a little bit of everything

Reader: genderneutral

TW: nsfw!, mentions of: physical abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, violence, murder, blood, sex, size kink, bdsm, praise, humiliation, cheating, trauma, mental illness ... basically everything, it's Hisoka after all

Wordcount: 5.066

➽───────────────❥

Part 1 already checked? Yes? Then let's get started...

Theoretical babble aside, now we´re getting on to the practice… so, what would a relationship with Hisoka Morow look like from sweet beginning to bitter end? Here we go…

Get to know him:

As for his prey pattern one might think that the only two things important to him are 1) at least one hole and 2) pulse. But that´s far from the truth! Hisoka has strong narcissistic traits, so it will be important for him to be able to decorate himself with his newest conquest, just like with an expensive accessory. So he´s quite superficial when it comes to picking his next target.

If you manage to attract his attention, it will be quite easy to „get to know“ him in a sense of „he only shows you of his what he wants you to see“, but you wouldn´t even be able to notice since he´s an outstanding liar and manipulator. For you, it will seem as if you are talking to an open-minded gentleman. If you fall into his pattern, he will - after observing you for a while - approach you in polite and friendly manner and open the conversation... probably with a pick up line that makes you cringe, laugh and blush at the same time. Since Hisoka is a sweet talker, he´ll have no difficulties to convince you, to go out with him, but there are occasions when wine and dine seems like a big waste of time to him. He has better stuff to do after all. In this case he´ll straight up ask you to hop under the sheets with him, cause he doesn´t feel shame either. If your answer is "no", he will, without deterioration, fly on to the next little flower and since he's a good looking gent, sooner or later this strategy will lead to success. But if he is bored anyway and looking for entertainment, you´re in for a date with a gentleman par excellence. The path of doors being held open, food at his expense, and a bunch of compliments is the most straightforward right into your pants, after all.

After a nice evening out he'll get down to business relatively quickly back at home - if you two even get there before he gets to the nitty gritty. He doesn´t shy away from PDA after all, since he is in fact completely shameless (neither has he empathy for you, nor for himself) and since he´s quite exhibitionistic, it might even turn him on.

When it comes to sex, it would be better, if you don't care about your physical integrity too much… since he has self control, he won´t hurt you seriously, but like I´ve mentioned before, this man needs strong stimuli to get *all excited*. But if you´re down for his messed up shenanigans, such as bdsm and bloodplay, you´ll enter an extatic world of domination and devotion, pleasure and pain, denial and overstimulation, humiliation and praise. And since promiscuity is quite a common trait of people who fall under the ASPD spectrum, he has plenty of experience and knows exactly what he´s doing and how to please you. For him sex is - besides the fun it is by itself - also a tool for boosting his ego. He just loves to see the impact his cock and his little tricks have on you and he will watch your facial expressions while fucking your brains out with great enthusiasm and pleasure. Only when you´re a total mess, he will allow himself to release and give you some rest. If he really likes you, you can expect at least some kind of aftercare, to make sure you´ll sleep with him again, just in case he decides wanting to do so. It´s an opportunity nice to have after all. If you´re just a random hookup, a towel is all you get… if you ask for it very nicely. He likes to see you suffer and he´s big on teasing and humiliating after all.

Dating-Phase:

Honestly, when it comes to relationships of any kind, casually hooking up is as uncomplicated as an interaction with Hisoka can get - as long as you can keep up with his kinks to say the least. You two meet, he´ll fuck you senseless and afterwards you both go separate ways as nothing ever happened. That's probably how most of his „relationships“ will go. They serve their purpose and are uncomplicated … just according to his taste.

But what if the thought of your sweaty skin against his, the sound of your greedy moans and the sensation of your nails, digging into his flesh, while you´re silky wet insides clench around his cock won´t leave his mind no matter what, even long after you´ve left?

Chances are high, that such a twist of events would happen with a s/o who is quite unaffectionate. See, Hisoka seems to like a good chase as he makes advances towards Machi over and over again and this would even match up with the theory I mentioned in part 1, that Hisoka was in fact a neglected child. When it comes to love relationships, it can be quite instructive to look at the earliest relationships we all had: Namely, those to our primary caregivers. Hisoka simps for a woman who doesn´t give a shit about him, because that´s probably the kind of „love“ he experienced at an early age. So chances are, that he has infact mommy- or daddy-issues, probably both. As Alain de Botton once said: „We don´t fall in love first and foremost with those who care for us in ideal ways, we fall in love with those who care for us in familiar ways“ (Adaption Level Theory). Furthermore people who shy away from intimacy, because it means making oneself vulnerable, tend to chase after individuals, whose affection is unattainable (such as Hisoka does with Machi), since there is no danger from a relationship that will never come about. In these cases psychology talks about different attachment-styles and attachment-disorders. But back to topic: It's very unusual for Hisoka to have his bed-bunnies still haunting his mind after he have had his fun, so this keeps him guessing…

Probably out of curiosity and ambition to get what he wants, since he´s an opportunist and at this stage might not think about the consequences (like he could fall in love, common, this is ridiculous), he´ll reach out to you again and observe… observe what it is, that you do to him and how he reacts to it, how it makes him feel, just to wrap his head around what is happening. His search for an answer can already take on obsessive traits, because in such an unfamiliar situation Hisoka is confronted with the old familiar feeling of loss of control once again. His ambition will be to regain control, but this endeavor will automatically lead to a conflict of interests: he has a crush on you, he wants to spent time with you, hold you and be near you, just as anyone would, when you grew quite fond of someone. But at the same time his danger-radar screams at the top of it´s lungs „JUST THE FUCK LEAVE, MAN“!, which he actually will do! Over and over again.

In this early phase he will disappear on you often… ghost you for days, weeks, even months. And this, my friend, believe me, will get you hooked. Those push & pull or hot & cold tactics are even used by those dubious dating coaches and you know what? THEY WORK! The culprit in this case is in fact the dopaminergic system. Since we are human beings and therefore social creatures, attention makes us happy - especially if it´s given to us by a good-looking jester. But the moment Hisoka disappears on you, without any shitty excuse even, you´re lacking your daily dose of dopamine, which in fact can lead to withdrawal-like phenomena on a psychological level. Even if you were not so much into him from the beginning, now you´ll be craving your next hit like a junky in rehab. You´ll question yourself, why he got blank on you so sudden… did you do something wrong? Did he find someone better than you? Does he do this to you on purpose? Even a certain sense of ambition can be triggered by this whimsical behavior. With everything you do, you´ll try desperately, to get his attention back, just to get your ego at ease.

So, this bastard got you hooked, not even because this was his intention in first place (not that he would mind either), but because of his own insecurity, which he would never ever show to you, since it´s an admission of weakness and this would give you power over him. Power, he doesn´t want you to have, since he doesn´t trust anyone. You on the other hand will notice anything of that said insecurity. All you see is a fuckboy, who goes blanc on you and uses you like a toy. Your meetings are of fire and passion, while the dead end silence in between will evoke an excruciating sense of longing. Not so much for him, since he doesn´t have great access to his emotion, but you, my dear, are fucked at this point. And so it goes on for a while…

Feelings arise:

We value things, that make our everyday life easier and keep boredom at bay. If you manage to entertain Hisoka to a sufficient degree, he might decide to keep you. Spending time with you, feels always nice - no matter if you´re out on the streets, visiting an amusement park or just chilling on the couch. You have a great sense of dark humor that makes him laugh and he´s somewhat impressed by your high intellect. Sometimes he just sits their, watching you scrolling through your phone, admiring your beauty and wondering, what’s on your mind. Although he's good at reading people, you seem to be somewhat unconventional in your way of thinking - unpredictable even. You don't exactly make it easy for him to see right through you, but that´s what makes you so interesting to him. You are a challenge, which he doesn´t stumble upon often. And you give him sass! You´re not afraid of talking back and speak for yourself, traits he always appreciates. Your attitude somewhat humors him. Somehow Hisoka enjoys the danger radiating from your innocent face (again: Your behavior gives him a sense of insecurity, never knowing where he stands with you - a feeling he is familiar with from childhood days).

Also the genuine acts of affection and kindness you show towards him, will leave him wondering: He isn´t used to being taken care of. Most people avoid him, so every time you snug up to him for a hug or say something nice to him (and he can sense that you mean it) it leaves him somewhat pleasantly surprised.

You help him to fill the void inside of him, an ever-bleeding wound, that tears open again, as soon as you are not near him and he´s confronted with his inner emptiness again. This comforting feeling you give him, he no longer wants to miss and so it happens, that he develops some sense of care for you. He wants you to be happy, because when you´re in a good mood, you are most entertaining to him. He wants you to be safe, so many more shared nights are guaranteed.

You might have noticed a slightly egoistic tinge to these motifs… this is, because they are. This is what Hisokas „love“ will be like. Don´t get me wrong, he will do everything to make you happy and more. He will help you become the best version of yourself you can be and he´s the wind beneath your wings, there is no doubt about that. But Hisokas love will always be conditionally.

(If love is ever unconditional - mother love aside - is a topic for itself, I personally don´t think so and therefore wouldn´t mind, but anyway).

In this phase he might consider to disappear on you and this time it would be final, but that would mean losing you, even risking, that you would move on easily and he can´t have that. So he stays.

Hisoka would never ever be verbal about his feelings at an so early stage. He´ll show his affection for you with, of course, physical touch (believe me, you guys will always have physical contact in some way or another), gifts and quality time - acts of services not so much, but occasions might occur.

If he happens to really fall in love with you (not crushing on you like before, I mean truthful deep feelings), this is when things can potentially get dangerous. When stronger feelings arise, it means that Hisoka has lost control and as said before, he can´t have that. He will consider leaving you once again, but feelings are stronger than ratio at times, so again, he stays.

Now remember why Hisoka doesn´t like the feeling of losing control in the first place: because it makes him vulnerable. It puts him into a position, he isn´t used to. You have the power to hurt him now, not physically (let´s be honest here, he wouldn´t mind that anyway, it would even turn him on), but emotionally, which is were his real weakness lies. As he´s afraid that you could abuse your power and actually hurt him, he will do everything he can, to avoid that from happening. Since he´s quite overwhelmed by this unfamiliar experience, cause he isn´t used to having someone he cares about, expect whimsical and impulsive behavior - but to an extent that goes far beyond what you are already used to from him by now. Just multiply those hisokaesque-traits with 10. His antics will align with his emotional state and therefore become even more unpredictable and uncontrollable.

At times he might try to push you away, maybe by being nasty and saying such hurtful things, that make you consider leaving and never coming back. Without doing it on purpose, you´ll probably touch old wounds of him and make them bleed again. That´s just how relationships are… people who share a great deal of emotional intimacy, trigger and hurt each other from time to time, which in itself is not a big deal, if it weren´t for Hisoka we´re talking about.

Sometimes he might even hate you for making him fall in love with you. For making him feel weak and therefore turning his world upside down, which he absolutely hates at times. If he´s feeling unsure about the relationship or - even worse - about your feelings towards him (not because of you doing something wrong, it can be external circumstances as well), this will throw him off.

Giving him the cold shoulder, like you did in the dating phase, is only good as long he hasn´t invested much, but when feelings come up, that's a big no-no. Jealousy might be a problem as well and yet again, since it´s Hisoka we´re talking about, this might go hand in hand with stalking, obsessive and even possessive behavior, since he can´t find the ability to trust in himself.

It will be your task to show and teach him, how to trust and to convince him, that you can be trusted and for that I hope you have the patience of a saint. Even though from the outside Hisoka seems quite self-confident, remember that this might be a mask. This man has definitely an inflated ego, which is often based on feelings of inferiority. As he has narcissistic traits, he´s highly dependent on external confirmation. The chasing phase is over, so now he wants to be treated. You better look up to him and show him your love and respect as much as you can. Praise him, make sure that he knows that you´re feelings are genuine. Make him feel safe in your arms. Hold him, don´t push him away, even if he can be clingy and a bit much at times.

At that early stage he needs to be your No.1 priority. Don´t dare to ignore him or hurt his ego. Don´t lie to him. This man will notice immediately and get back at you tenfold and he does not shy away from acting up, just to get your attention back, that´s sure as hell. Nothing feels worse to him then not being seen and feeling neglected, since this triggers his childhood trauma. Also, if he gets a reaction out you, that must mean, that you do still care about him, doesn´t it? The bigger your reaction, the better. In this early stage of you´re relationship it is most likely you, who gives the biggest investment, since out of the fear of being hurt, he´s still holding back. But if you´re able to deal with his antics for a distant span of time, this might change. In this early stage he feels best, when you are around him (where he can see and control you, making sure that you don´t dare to act irresponsible with the heart of his in your hands) and therefore he´ll try to have you near him as much as possible.

On a more positive note, I don´t see Hisoka as a physically violent man, unless you ask him nicely about it. He will push boundaries, that´s fore sure, but never to such an extend, that´ll make you leave, since that´s quite the opposite of what he wants. He wants to convince you of what he already knows: namely, that he is the best you´ll ever have. Hisoka is a passionate and sensual man after all, so you´re in for treatment as it would be worthy of a queen/king. Flowers, exciting dates, romantic dinners (hell, he would even cook for you), lots of childish shenanigans like dancing through the sleeping streets and pillow fights after hot and sweaty hours under the sheets. As trust growths, you´ll see more of his soft side and you´ll be surprised how gentle Hisoka can be during intimate hours. He´ll praise you as well, since he wants you to feel good around him. Many many compliments, passionate kisses all over your body, especially on your neck (he´ll definitely mark you as his property), soft caresses and cuddles on end, just holding you close to him for hours. Just for you. Just to make you happy. Just to make you his. At this time he´s more than willing to let troupe duties and even fights in heavens arena slide, just for a lovely and cozy night in, cuddling, giggling and playing cards with you.

Established Relationship:

If he would ever officially propose in case of verbalizing, that you two are in fact in a relationship, is questionable, but his wall is getting cracks already and therefore you´ll get to know his real self more and more over time. He´s no longer the outgoing jokester who teases you all the time (ok, lets be honest here, he´ll stiIl tease you every now and then, he always will, because that´s how he is), but you´ll see a more introverted side of his, which comes along with a certain softness. More often he´s more quiet than loud and he´ll just listen to you for hours, while his bedroomed gaze rests on you attentively. You got his full attention as well as his heart. He cares about you, so he is interested in what you have to say.

But the longer you guys are in a relationship, the bigger of a challenge it will be, not to bore him. He´s volatile after all and it´s highly possible that he nostalgically remembers his times as a lone wolf sometimes.

If bored, he might start arguments out of the blue, just to make things more exciting… and fighting with Hisoka is very unpleasant to say the least. He is bratty, arrogant, petty and has a hard time apologizing. He will only do so, if he wants something from you. He´ll gaslight and manipulate the shit out of you, just for you to feel sorry in the end, doesn´t matter, if you did something wrong or not. In addition your guilt will get him lots of make up sex and sloppy heads afterwards, which is always nice to have. However, these are just squabbles we are talking about… a real argument will look extremely different.

Hisoka has the patience of a saint and nothing makes him fly off the handle so easily (which is quite unusual for people who suffer ASPD tbh). But one thing that will push him over the edge is you being reckless with your own physical well-being… or you flirting with Chrollo, which threatens his ego, cause this man might even be stronger and therefore more impressive to you than Hisoka himself (which he will obviously never ever admit, so he would find some other shitty reasons to justify his anger). When Hisoka snaps, bloodlust oozes from him and the possibility exists that he´ll put you into your place with harsh words spoken in a stern voice, maybe even screaming at you, which might scare you, since he´s quite intimidating in this emotional state. He does this, because by putting yourself in danger, you are endangering himself, too. He doesn´t want to lose you because of some unnecessary incident that could´ve been avoided easily after all, so he´s quite protective when it comes to you.

Also frustration might push him over the edge. He´s not used to not getting what he wants and has his difficulties with terms like „no“. Since he respects you, he won´t cross any major lines, but he´ll push your boundaries and manipulate you into giving him, what he wants. Let's call it psychological warfare. If you somehow manage to hurt his feelings, he´ll go cold on you, pout and even ignore you for hours, days or weeks, depending of how much he´s hurting. Not because he´s so resentful, but because he wants you to feel sorry for what you´ve done to him. When he´s ready to talk to you again, you´ll have to apologize in very very sweet tounges to get back into his good grace.

So, to keep boredom and unnecessary quarrels at bay, it is important that you both find ways to spice things up a little. Now that he has a certain sense of security when it comes to you, you should also lead a more self-determined life again, at least to a certain degree. Don´t be to needy. Don´t run after him. Give him his space and try to find the trust that he´ll come back to you... even though there will never be a guarantee that he does. But give him the chance to miss you, to be longing for your touch, as he´s on his missions and you are mining your own business.

Also you´ll need a high libido to keep up with his insatiable needs, not just during the honeymoon phase, also beyond. Otherwise you´re taking the risk, that he goes elsewhere to get what he needs. I don´t think that Hisoka is big in monogamy when your relationship has been going on for a while… at least when it comes to him. And that´s a problem: He might look after other (wo)men or even consider „cheating“ on you (unless you aren´t fine with an open relationship), but I think his ego might get in the way, when you express the desire to sleep with other (wo)men as well, which is quite unfair, but that´s how he ticks. Maybe consider visiting swingerclubs or participating in threesomes every now and then, as a compromise. It is important, however, that you only get your appetite elsewhere, but always always always eat at home! Don´t deflate this mans ego. This would be a thing you might regret later. If he catches you cheating, he´ll be furious and I don't know how you could, or if you ever could, make up for that. He will definitely kill the person you cheated on him with and I think this could be one of the rare occasions, where he might turn even violent against you. Just to make sure that you´ll never ever dare to do this again. If he decides to keep you despite the cheating, he will treat you like a good-for-nothing slave for the next few weeks, just to make you suffer and get back at you. As for building trust on his side, you can start from 0 again at this point, as you can imagine. Also I should mention, that if Hisoka ever cheats on you, that doesn´t mean that he does not love you. Sex and feelings are two completely different things to him. Therefore his anger in case of you cheating, isn´t based on severe heartbreak, it´s in fact his ego, that is hurting. As if he's not enough and all you need.

I´ve talked about Hisoka pushing boundaries before, but just to make clear what could come along with it: There might be occasions when he comes home after one of his fights, emotionally still heavily loaded and in the mood to celebrate his success, aka break someone. This energy needs to go somewhere and since you´re sleeping right over there so peacefully, you´re the perfect target. He will take what he craves and just destroy you in the most pleasant way possible.

So he comes home in the middle of the night, highly aroused, and will wake you up by indulging your crotch with fiery kisses, bloodlust dripping from his tongue, and greedy blood stained touches. He´ll bend you over and start thrusting into you merciless, without giving you the chance to come to your senses first. All you feel is his hard pulsating cock stretching your insides, his tight grip around your waist, sharp nails digging into your flesh and the cold blood of his enemies dripping onto your hot skin.

These are occasions when sex feels best to him. Every single thrust inside your clenching walls sends shocks right through his body, making him feel more and more extatic with every second. He is completely in charge, not just over you, but also over his opponent, who is most likely already dead by this time. His orgasms are intense in this state of mind and he´ll sure as hell not be satisfied by filling you up just once. After he has absolutely destroyed your downstairs, he´s finally satisfied and will just lay there, with you on his chest, admiring of how much a mess his cock made you become, and enjoy the soothing calmness that floods his body instead of bloodlust. He´ll listen to your soft and exhausted snores until he falls in a deep and dreamless sleep, just like you did, the moment he pulled out of you.

And that is what I mean when saying, he´ll push boundaries. The longer the two of you are together and the more secure you make him feel, the less he needs to fear that you´ll leave by the moment, he shows his real self to you. For the first time in his life he feels accepted as he is… loved even. You stayed. No matter how much of his deviant personality traits he had shown to you and despite the many times he pushed you away. And therefore he´ll be forever grateful.

Breakup:

Is „forever“ even a possibility with Hisoka? I´m not sure about that, to be honest. That would require that you both grow together, to support each other in the fight against the inner demons that I'm sure you both have, otherwise you wouldn't have played along with his games for so long. So always remember: „I´ll admit, I have my issues, but you are just as bad“. Even if the possibility exists, I find it hard to imagine that Hisoka would attend trauma-therapy and engage in inner child work. In addition to that, it would take him years, to put down his mask to such an extend, that he´ll open up about his past, if it ever happens. Also, even if he does, this could cause an initial deterioration of his condition, which could have disastrous consequences. For both of you. Therefore, some things might better stay untouched, otherwise they might break you.

Also, I don´t think that the chances of a consensual break up, without any drama or heartbreak, are very high. What ever the reasons might be, if Hisoka is the one being hurt, he might decide to kill you. Not because of hatred (unless you have treated him tremendously wrong), but because of safety reasons and therefore it´ll still hurt him like a bitch. It would be a scene as tragic as from a love drama. He would hold your lifeless bleeding body until it gets cold, kiss your soft lips as your last breath leaves your lungs and gently close those your/eyecolor eyes, he lost himself in so many times. He might even shed a solitary tear. Whatever happened between the two of you, you showed him, what love is, and therefore he´ll never forget you. But it just had to be. In the end, you two didn´t work and you just know too much, to keep wandering this planet. He has many enemies after all and with your connection, the trust in you, that you won´t use your power against him one day, is broken. Depending on the circumstances, he might decide to never love again.

༻✦༺

♠ „Farewell, my dear. Too bad, it didn´t work out. We just weren´t meant to be… and still, you´re the only one, I´ve ever loved and therefore I´ll never forget you.“, he says, plenting a last heartfelt kiss on your forehead, before he leaves. ♠

༻✦༺

The End.

TYSM for reading!🫶🏻 You made it till the end, so you deserve a flower.❀ If you enjoyed my writing, feel free to send me requests, I'm always grateful for some inspiration. - Yours truly, Ava 🤍

#hisoka morow #hisoka #hisoka angst #hisoka fluff #hisoka headcanon #hisoka x reader #hisoka smut #huner x hunter

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elminx · 1 month

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April is a “3” Universal Month [4 (April) + 8 (2024) = 12 = 1+2 = 3] in an “8” Universal Year. 3 months are about connection and building – three can be a party OR a crowd, depending on your perspective. With all eyes on Aries season and the Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Chiron, AND the North Node in Aries over the month, it’s more likely to be the latter. We’re focused on independence and our own journies during this time.

The Set Up

We begin the month with the Sun, Mercury, Chiron, and the North Node in Aries; Venus, Mars, Saturn, and Neptune in Pisces; Uranus in Taurus, and Pluto in Aquarius. That’s a huge cluster of planets all in sequential signs overstretching the last two and the first two signs of the horoscope. This shows that this is a fundamental shift and ending going on – likely in the world around us and our own lives. We’re also deep in between eclipses and entering retrograde season.

By month’s end, all of our personal planets except Mercury will have changed signs. The Sun will have moved on into Taurus, and Venus and Mars will have moved into Aries. Additionally, Mercury will have retrograded and stationed direct again.

The Nitty Gritty

All eyes are on the sign of Aries as it will be involved with most of the major astrological transits of the month. Ten of the fifteen total aspects in April are conjunctions and all but two will be found in the sign of Aries. That’s a lot. Expect the energy to be fast, dry, hot, and ornery all month long. Aries is a sign of endless ambition, or, at least, endless energy. Aries need focus (given by their ruling planet Mars) and an unobstructed pathway to be at their best. Neither of those two things will be in ample supply.

This is to say that this will be a rough Aries season. Everyone will want to be doing, going, and accomplishing but getting nowhere fast. There is a major culprit here as the energy of each astrological season is augmented by the planetary ruler of its sign (in Aries’s case, Mars). For most of the month, Mars will be mired in the watery depths of Pisces. While Aries is sign #1, Pisces is sign #12. Pisces has seen and done it all, or at least that’s what they like you to believe. Pisces doesn’t move fast, they abide like The Dude – they’d rather spend their time daydreaming and fantasizing than accomplishing much in the tangible world. Mars can’t find any solid footing in the sign of the fish and we all may end up feeling like we are treading water (or drowning) if we try to maintain too much control.

This is going to manifest as a shitstorm of epic-level temper tantrums.

Let’s be real here: Aries isn’t known for being the most mature sign. That’s not what they are here for. Astrology teaches us that all sign energies have a place and Aries’s is to be the trailblazer. As Sign #1, Aries is SUPPOSED TO step out into the world on their own. It is their cosmic design to run ahead and scout things out. Part of emotional maturity comes from the ability to stop and consider how your actions affect another – although it’s a powerful skill, it naturally inhibits some types of growth and innovation.

Aries tends to keep its blinders on for a reason. Nobody gets to the top of the mountain if we all slow down and keep pace with the person who can’t climb. The mature Aries knows that they are wearing blinders and when to take them off.

Most actual Aries types (Sun, Ascendant, Moon, or Mars in Aries, at least those that have lived long enough to have experienced a Saturn return) have learned this lesson. The problem comes when EVERYBODY ELSE has to stew in this thwarted Aries energy.

I’d say pack your patience, but I doubt there will be enough patience to go around.

April won’t begin with a bang but with a liminal whimper as Mercury stations retrograde at 27° Aries on the first. We’re already deep in this story – Mercury has been in Aries since 3/10 (in its pre-retrograde shadow since 3/18) and will remain there until mid-May. This is a very long stay for our fast-moving planet which normally takes 2-3 weeks to transit a sign. This shows us that there is work to be done around Mercury in Aries themes: notably owning our voices and speaking up for ourselves. You can read more about the Mercury retrograde here.

Important dates involving the retrograde: 4/1 Mercury retrogrades, 4/11 Sun conjunct retrograde Mercury, 4/15 retrograde Mercury conjunct Chiron, 4/19 retrograde Mercury conjuncts Venus, 4/25 Mercury stations direct It’s worth noting that from 4/15-4/17 and even a bit beyond that, we will be experiencing a major Aries stellium between retrograde Mercury, Venus, Chiron, and the North Node. These dates will be a big hit on your Mercury retrograde story, however that shows up for you.

Standard Mercury retrograde advice applies from 4/1-4/25 but most especially on the above dates: check your work twice, save often, think before you speak/send, and enjoy the strange winding path rather than worrying about your destination. Apply the above advice metaphorically and physically in equal measures. Mercury retrograde is a good time to focus on work you’ve already started: practice the words that start with re: review, revise, rethink, retrace…

As if to deepen the mood, Venus will conjunct Neptune on 4/3 in late Pisces. Que the mists and probably some waterworks, too. Even your emotions seem unreal. Neptune is considered to be the higher octave of Venusian energy – while Venus focuses on human love, Neptune can tap into universal love. Both are at home in the watery sign of Pisces (Venus’s exaltation and Neptune’s home sign). It could end up being a sweet day in amongst the muck. This transit will pass quickly.

On Thursday 4/4, Venus enters Aries and takes on her mantle as the Starlett. Venus is in her detriment in Aries which is a fancy way of saying that the natural (giving/receiving) energy of Venus is at odds with the aggressive cardinal fire energy of the Ram. Whereas Venus – especially in her rulership of Aries’s sun-sign opposite, Libra – is focused on connection and togetherness; Aries is focused on the self. If you want to get along with Venus this month (work in the arts, fashion, or need to get along with people at all), maybe throw here a little something-something on and around this date. Roses and red wine would do nicely.

Since we’re counting: Mercury isn’t at their best in retrograde, Mars isn’t at his best in the waters of Pisces, AND Venus is not at her best as she’s in detriment in Aries. We can presume that we will face some personal challenges with all our personal planets afflicted in some fashion.

Venus in Aries may make you want to make your mark or step out into the limelight. Spoiler alert: nobody is watching.

This leads to our total solar eclipse on Monday, 4/8 at 19° Aries. This is our major pain point of the month as it will be exactly conjunct to Chiron and closely conjunct to the North Node. This may be our major pain point for the entire year. Chiron is the Wounded Healer which shows that the pain can be healed but this comes with a major caveat: the way out of Chironian pain is THROUGH the pain. This isn’t the kind of situation that can be laughed away or repressed easily and there’s a huge danger here in trying to put a bow on a pile of shit and call it your new pet. Truth be told, with the North Node so closely involved, you may not be able to look away even if you want to.

This won’t apply to everyone, of course. And I don’t mean to be scare-tacticy here. If you don’t need deep soul healing, the above obviously doesn’t apply. But in this “post-pandemic” world, I’m not sure that I believe there is a person who doesn’t need some deep soul healing. This lunar event could really work for you, you just need to work for it.

As always, standard eclipse advice applies: eclipses occur on the nodes of fate – what happens in and around the dates of the eclipses should be weighed at least slightly more heavily than what happens during the rest of the year. If something suddenly enters or exits your life, pay attention and BELIEVE IT. This is our second to last eclipse cycle on the Aries-Libra axis and that puts a lot of strain on the dichotomy of selfness vs. togetherness. Stay aware of where you and your Others naturally fall on that scale. Retrograde Mercury is widely a part of this stellium (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Chiron, North Node) so try not to fight about it because there is no common ground to stand on right now.

If you’re traveling in the US to view the totality, stay safe out there and try not to travel on the interstate within 24 on either side of the event if you can. (and keep in mind retrograde Mercury rules travel so things may take longer than normal)

I wish I could say that we will get a reprieve but the consequences of whatever has just occurred are coming in hard on the back end with a rough Mars-Saturn conjunction at 14° Pisces on Wednesday 4/10. Saturn doesn’t mean to be nasty about it, but without lessons, you would never learn a thing. This will be a great cosmic pause. One of Saturn’s domains is time in the sense of limitation. As time passes, some choices become off-limits. Existence is fleeting.

Note whether that stokes fear or wonder (or both?) in your heart.

Situated in Pisces, the ruler of the 12th house, Saturn is working to reexamine some of our deepest-rooted trauma stories. The twelfth house rules the unconscious (where we store all of the things we don’t want to look at) and Pisces can sometimes be said to have accumulated all of the baggage of the signs that have come before it. This ties in with the pain point of Chiron in Aries which is getting triggered by all of our personal planets transiting over it.

The way to overcome some of Saturn’s inertia repeats the month’s themes: you’ve got to get into the shadowy bits of it and do that weeding. Saturn stops you so that you can dig into the ground and find the roots you have grown that are holding you back.

Cut them and grow new roots.

We won’t see another aspect for the rest of the week which is probably a good sign that we need to think about what we have done. (that doesn’t have to have a bad connotation)

There is a twisted-up knot that has something to do with the pain of aloneness that’s aching to come forth. A boil of some kind, even. On the week of 4/15, it comes to a head. The Sun has pulled away from Mercury, Chiron, and the Nodes but Venus has moved up to join them. In this way, that mid-Aries stellium stretches from 4/8 through to 4/19 as our personal planets apply stress and pressure to Chiron and the North Node. Or better said, Chiron and the North Node apply pressure to our personal planets.

Aloneness means a lot of different things to different people. An Aries type can think of nothing better, most Libras can think of nothing worse. That is the pressure we will be sitting under all month long. Aries and Libra are alike in many ways but, in this, they are divided. Errevocakly so. This will put a huge stressor on relationships between people with very different attachment needs and styles. I would expect some relationships to end permanently, especially those with one or more of the partners involved who have a personal planet Libra. Possibly Aries as well. I wouldn’t count out Cancer or Capricorn, either.

If it ends on the date of the eclipse, there’s no saving it. If it ends after that in the month, you may have a second or third chance. But what is happening right now has a reason. I think that is important to remember.

Spoken like a true Moon in Aries native: sometimes love ISN’T enough.

Sometimes you just need some space, yo.

it seems like everybody needs a healthy dose of empathy for their others but there is zero empathy to go around. Venus will be directly conjunct to the North Node AND Chiron this week – expect some theatrics. As I mentioned earlier, she’s in her Starlet form and let me tell you, she is not getting the attention she wants or deserves. Watch out. Venus certainly isn’t at her most vindictive in the sign of Aries, but she won’t think twice before slashing a few tires to get her point across.

The Sun enters Taurus on 4/19 which may be somewhat of a reprieve. It depends on how far you’ve pushed Venus though because she IS the natural ruler of Taurus, the Bull. Don’t wave any red flags for the rest of the month, okay?

Mars in Pisces sextiles Jupiter and Uranus in Taurus as well which is…interesting. Somebody could hit it big – Jupiter and Uranus form an exact conjunction on Sunday 4/21. If you need Chance to be on your side this month – on and around 4/19-4/21 are the days to choose. Watch out for overspending or overindulging during this time though, high reward tends to come with a lot of risks.

The Sun will be square to Pluto. Things are changing. If they are changing in your favor will depend on a lot of your perspective and your ability to duck and roll as the towers fall.

The rest of the month is a downward slope and as we shift out of eclipse season it may begin to feel quite pedestrian. It’s a much-needed break.

On Tuesday 4/23 we have a full moon at 04° Scorpio that may seem dark and dramatic, but it pales in comparison to the edgy eclipses. Just don’t actually tell Scorpios that I said they weren’t the best, okay? Stay aware of vindictive bitches, you know who I mean. Scorpio full moons can bring out the worst in people who are looking for somebody to blame. Mars, the ruler of our Scorpio moon is just barely still in Pisces, too. Expect it to be both heavy and wet. Maybe even a washout.

The rest of the month just rolls downhill as the energy finally begins to right itself. On 4/25, Mercury stations direct at 15° Aries. On 4/29, Mars enters his home sign of Aries. On 4/30, Venus enters her home sign of Taurus.

May will be a much easier month. We just need to get there.

The Details

4/1 – Mercury retrogrades 27° Aries 4/3 – Venus conjunct Neptune 28° Pisces 4/4 – Venus enters Aries 4/6 – Venus in Aries sextile Pluto in Aquarius 4/8 – Solar eclipse 19° Aries, Sun conjunct Chiron 19° Aries 4/10 – Mars conjunct Saturn 14° Saturn 4/11 – Sun conjunct retrograde Mercury 22° Aries 4/15 – retrograde Mercury conjunct Chiron in Aries 19° 4/17 – Venus conjunct North Node 15° Aries 4/19 – Sun enters Taurus, retrograde Mercury conjunct Venus 17° Aries, Mars in Pisces sextile Jupiter in Taurus, Mars in Pisces sextile Uranus in Taurus 4/21 – Sun in Taurus square Pluto in Aquarius, Venus conjunct Chiron 20° Aries, Jupiter conjunct Uranus in 21° Taurus 4/23 – Full moon 04° Scorpio 4/25 – Mercury stations direct 15° Aries 4/29 – Venus enters Taurus, Mars conjunct Neptune 28° Pisces 4/30 – Mars enters Aries

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#astrology #energy update #words #mine #April 2024

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