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ultimatefartwizard · 14 days

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EARTHSPARK MESSAGES AND SUBTEXT THATS NOT EVEN SUBTEXT

It's been a while since I have posted as I've been busy with finals, but I saw a post that absolutely made me spur a headache with just how utterly fatuous of a take I saw on Transformers Earthspark and the messages it sends.

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT USE THIS POST TO ATTACK OR HARASS ANYONE, THIS IS ONLINE DISCUSSION OF A WORK OF MEDIA.

THIS ALSO COVERS SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1 OF EARTHSPARK, IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SUCH A TOPIC PLEASE REDIRECT YOURSELF.

@monocle-teacup Won't repost your post as the way tumblr reposts works would have everything funnel onto your account, but I'll be pinging you and I did screenshot your post for viewer's context:

I have ALOT to talk about here, while also being completely in shock and disbelief how you end up BELEIVING THE SIDE THAT IS A GENOCIDAL LUNATIC WHO SEES THE TRANSFORMERS AS SUBHUMAN AND A DISEASE ON THE EARTH??? AND IS WILLING TO FULL ASS MURDER AND MUTILATE PEOPLE? From here any * you may see is likely a footnote mark to check details I put at the end for clarity. If I miss something, let me know and I will clarify.

Before I get into the meat of dissecting your clearly ill-informed and definitely not thoroughly thought out post, I need to get something out of the way because I believe you'll use this as a means of shielding yourself from incoming critique: It's okay to like and enjoy characters who are clearly bad people. There is a CLEAR difference between enjoying a fictional character and agreeing with whatever they might do or say. I enjoy many bad and morally reprehensible characters, including Mandroid/Doctor Meridian, but that doesn't mean I agree with them or don't find their actions and ideas deplorable. If you find yourself agreeing with someone who sees another group of people* as being subhuman or a danger to society you need to reconsider your ideologies and thought processes. Like ASAP.

Okay onto the actual deconstruction of your statements, why they are blatantly lacking a thorough reading of the messages in Earthspark, or even lead into uncomfortably ignorant territories both with Transformers and very real-life, human related things.

As a first point, you state that you hope this show re-examines the fact that hatred towards another group of people (even if they are fictional) automatically makes them a terrible person, and bring up the statement that the show makes GHOST's detainment of transformers look "cartoonishly evil" but does absolutely nothing to address Dr.Meridian's statements of transformers being dangerous.

Yes. Yes it ABSOLUTELY DOES address that throughout the entire show. In fact, the whole season is literally about deconstructing the notion that BOTH Dr.Meridian's and GHOST's ideals and methods are harmful if not downright discriminatory towards transformers as a whole.

GHOST's method of control is a guise under the US government by detaining any transformer they deem as "a threat", this can even mean autobots or non-aligned transformers who don't want to join their organization or are just doing their own thing. They will willingly classify them all as "Decepticons" to justify their inhumane treatment of them. This is paralleling how humans will stereotype and conflate other groups of people, as being all associated with one singular event or organization of people that is seen as bad or a danger to society* and use that stereotyped ideal to weaponize it against them and justify harming them in multiple ways; which is what Dr.Meridian ALSO DOES THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW. Dr.Meridian is a scientist that literally works with and is a huge provider of technology to GHOST, he literally works with them and experiments on the detained transformers. You can't say "oh GHOST bad Dr.Mer not so bad" when he's LITERALLY PART OF GHOST AND YOU CANNOT SEPARATE THEM. HE IS EXTREME AND OUTSPOKEN ABOUT HIS HATRED THROUGHOUT THE SHOW AND ACTIVELY IS SHOWN TO BE ENTIRLEY IN THE WRONG BOTH IDEOLOGICALLY AND ACTION WISE. You clearly have not watched with a critical eye if you think they never address his points or somehow he is right about something. He never is and it shows just how harmful his mentality is. You don't even need words spoken out loud to know he's ALREADY HEINOUSLY WRONG AND BIGOTED.

Why should the show, one that shows transformers having to battle against racist and xenophobic hatred towards them from humans, re-examine that relationship? People are being discriminatory to people they don't like, and to them it doesn't matter if they are decepticon or not; they're all the same and dangerous in their eyes. Yes, there was a war brought onto earth's soil from pure happenstance of where the Ark and members of the two named groups had landed, and yes it was bloody and many lives were lost like any war is. Should the war, as well as atrocious acts of violence by a few and the circumstance that which the birth and type of being transformers are deem all transformers as dangerous? OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT. That's literally stereotyping. That's what Dr.Meridian is doing. He's literally grouped them all into one conglomerate in his head and sees them all as pests to be exterminated.

The transformers are both immigrants and refugees of war that had lasted thousands of millions of years and a desperate attempt to find any source of energon because they would STARVE TO DEATH IF THEY DIDN'T AND RESOURCES WERE DANGEROUSLY SCARCE ON CYBERTRON. They are thousands of lightyears away from home in a place that doesn't have the cultures they are familiar with and structures built for them which accommodates their needs. And to add onto it, most were never originally outfitted with guns and shit. They had to ARM THEMSELVES TO PROTECT AGAINST ATTACKS. JUST BECAUSE YOU SEE A GUN POP OUT OF THEIR BODY DOESN'T MEAN THEY ARE BUILT LIKE THAT NOR DOES IT MEAN THEY ARE AUTOMATICALLY ALL DANGEROUS. The only ones who are theoretically "built for war/violence" are war-frames like seekers, but they didn't even CHOOSE THAT LIFE OR WANT IT! THEY ARE COLD CONSTRUCTED* AND LITERALLY ENSLAVED INTO BEING CANON FODDER FOR WHATEVER SKERMISH THEY ARE DEEMED NEEDED FOR. Starscream wasn't even a warrior before this, he was just some nerd ass scientist. Cold constructed bots and War-frames are already deemed subhuman by other transformers. The entire war that you see is a continual millions of years struggle which the origins are in a fight against their own horrible systematic oppressions to try and bring freedom and put an end to the horrible reign back on Cybertron. How does them being robot organisms displaced by ongoing war, a continual brutal and bloody struggle for freedom back at home, and dangerous resource scarcity make them any more dangerous than your average person? And the "they are robots/walking death machines" argument doesn't count because you're only seeing them from a nonhuman lense in that case. Take off those nuts and bolts covered glasses and think of how this would be if they were all humans instead. The visuals of only seeing them for their robotics are blocking your ability to view this group as simply a mirroring of humans in nonhuman bodies. Humans are just as dangerous and ostracizing as them. Literally humans slaughter other humans frequently; bring upon hatred and obscene actions onto one another with or without robotic attachments and aid of machines. Just because the transformers are robotic extraterrestrials who are "different biologically/mechanically" makes it no different from the dehumanization and other forms of racism and xenophobia. Transformers are literally just... humans in a robot shell. You can't argue against this at all because most if not all have human forms, ALL of them have human minds, and just happen to come from a planet they need to be insanely large sized on, as well as already pre-armed due to conflict that they have escaped from.

The whole story of Earthspark is LITERALLY about the experiences of the Terrans; first generation descendants of immigrant refugees navigating the struggles that come with being just that. They make whole episodes surrounding their feelings of alienation and their struggle to have a place in the world, their culture and history and who they are. They want to feel they belong and feel they have a place in this world and be seen just as human and belonging as their human family. Their government and the world around them alienates them and treats them sub-humanly despite them being just as human, flaws and all, as us. Since I'm praddling on about this topic, did you even ABSORB ANY OF THE EPISODES HOME PART 1 AND 2???? IT'S ABOUT THIS TOPIC AND TEACHES HOW THIS MENTALITY OF TREATING THE TRANSFORMERS AS SUBHUMAN ALIENS THAT NEED TO GO AWAY OR NEED TO BE CLASSIFIED AS DANGEROUS/A INVASIVE "SPECIES" THAT NEEDS TO BE REMOVED IS BAD. IT SHOWS THE RACISM AND XENOPHOBIA THAT ESPECIALLY COMES WITH BEING CHILDREN OF IMMIGRANTS AND THE ISOLATION THEY FACE.

Please, I heavily implore you to go back and watch them. You somehow miss the entire point of the show and ESPECIALLY this episode. Many episodes cover different points of their existence as first gen children and the reality that the transformers have to face in general while being refugees on a planet with others being hostile and degrading to them but this particular episode is the one that tackles the points I make in this post the most. It may not go super deep into it due to forced time constraints and other executive nonsense that makes it harder to go into more detail but it still covers the topic very well.

Humans getting nipped at the heels for being bigoted towards transformers isn't some "ouugh you can't think the decepticons did bad things" type of nonsense and I absolutely hate the "oh because you can't be bigoted towards a group of people it means you suddenly can't criticize the actions of someone who happens to be someone of that group" mentality you seem to be concocting out of thin air. It's them associating the entire race of transformers as all bad, unbelonging or worthy of being seen as dangerous and to be wary around them or like they need to not be on earth and "go back where they came from". You go between "decepticons" and "transformers" interchangeably and seem to do exactly as the show heeds against heavily; conglomerating the actions of a FEW to encompass the overall worthiness of a WHOLE POPULATION OF PEOPLE.

Doctor Meridian is wrong and genuinely evil and disturbing with how he treats them and him seeing them as dangerous and a pest needing to be eradicated nor should any of his views be agreed upon, no matter how much you may try to defend him. There's more I could add but for simplicity's sake but that's what I mainly will state. The rest of clarity can be discussed in the comments.

I'm not sure whether your lack of understanding of the show and its messaging you are discussing or your love for one of the major villains is clouding your judgement, but please read EVERYTHING here to its fullest extent. Nothing here is intended as an attack on your character (if you're somehow seeing it that way) but as a heavy critique of your views on this show and how you are analyzing things. I might sound like I'm yapping to yap or "it's not that deep", but it literally is. The show and it's writing make it a big point and I will refuse to accept any iteration of "you're making a mountain out of a molehill" type statements. If you have any questions or comments you're free to bring them up.

-With confusion and annoyance, Wizard.

-Footnotes- *By group of people, I refer to sapient (human minded) beings who are grouped by either race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, gender, sexuality, disability, etc. By this classification, Transformers are considered a group of people; even if they are "nonhuman" *If you are somehow seriously confused or appalled by me pointing out real world racism and xenophobia as parallels to what is being done by GHOST, Dr. Meridian, and your average run of the mill civilian, you need to reread absolutely everything. Racism and xenophobia are a huge talking point in the show and I refuse to retract this statement. *Cold Constructed means the transformer was made in a factory, more often than not to be a worker slave for whoever is demanding they be produced. Two characters off the top of my head who are cold constructed is Starscream and Megatron.

#transformers #transformers earthspark #ultimatefartwizard #maccadams #tf earthspark #discussion #terrans #transformers hashtag #transformers twitch #transformers nightshade #transformers thrash #transformers jawbreaker #transformers starscream #transformers megatron #genuinely how the hell did you end up at the conclusion you did #I had to discuss this the second I saw your post while scrolling #wizardyaps #ignore the tags #i will defend these robot aliens with my whole soul #I'm sorry I hate it when people miss the entire plot of a show #wizardrants #tired of the lack of critical thinking #transformers GHOST #dr meridian #mandroid #tf GHOST #Why are you defending a man's ideals that end up with him almost wiping out the population of transformers in like an evil genocide ray?#if they were human you'd definitely not be saying this.... I hope? Like I really hope you don't think this about irl people

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cator99 · 1 year

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I was so weird about lesbian sex for a long time because when I was 14 I hooked up with an older girl at bible camp and suddenly got my period during it and I was so embarassed but she didn't care so we kept going and then I suddenly got a severe nosebleed for no reason while I was on top of her kissing her and you can imagine how that went so there was my blood everywhere all over both of us and this sounds like I'm making shit up but it was insane and k i was panicking but she was like all about it so we just kept going and like it was too late, there was already blood on both of us! Like all over us. and I thought it was kind of powerful. so I let myself get blood all over the cabin. we were feverish. At first I just let my nosebleed drip on the floor and we both laughed like fuck this place yeah lets get blood everywhere. And we did. This is just what makes us girls. We had this cabin entirely to ourselves too for 3 whole nights!! They didn't check on us in there even once!!! Not even the counselors wanted to be near us- we had wanted to be alone and not participate in the religious activities so we told everyone we were sick, however the absolutely insane family who single-handedly ran the camp (the mom was rarely seen of course but the dad was this freaky cult-leader type preacher named Greg, and they had ummmm I think 15 kids or something, most of whom were adults, so they had no issue running this camp on an acreage they owned with very little outsider involvement) genuinely thought we were just posessed by demons, and in response they gave us our own cabin in order to ensure that we were kept away from the other kids there. Major oversight on their part and also sounds illegal but I could tell they were scared shitless of me (weird hair I cut and dyed myself, 3 lip piercings, septum ring, mid kandi kid phase so I had rainbow bracelets up past my elbows) and the girl (who had a jugalette tattoo and was the only black girl at the camp, I think ever)... I ended up getting banned from bible camp for other reasons... lesbian sex blood rituals aside....... (a kid saw me smoking something in a pipe and snitched, and they thought it was weed but it was so obviously just mint tea...) yeah after that I was like "was god punishing me for being a lesbian by making me bleed everywhere during sex oh god I'm going to hell forever and ever waaah" because even though I didn't believe in that shit in any real way at all I still had raging paranoia about being punished for being gay... regardless I came to the conclusion that if all that bloodshed was the price of homosexuality then I'd just have to learn to enjoy it. And I was so right for that . But yeah when I did have sex again after that I was like Ok hellooooo God where is the blood are u there God...???

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prettyflyforawhitelie · 3 months

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Hazbin Hotel x Sick!Reader

A/N: Hey guys! I wanted to do some more x reader headcanons just because they’re so fun! I love the idea of the characters caring for you when you’re sick, it’s just so cute. I hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Hazbin Hotel x Reader

Warnings: None (if you don't count tooth-rotting fluff)

Characters: Alastor, Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk, Sir Pentious, Lucifer

🦌📻Alastor📻🦌:

Essentially hides you away in his room: wants more than anything to take care of you, but refuses to expose this “softer” side of him to anyone else. If anybody knew that you were the Radio Demon’s only weakness, not only would that put him in danger, but you as well.

Will prepare any food that your heart desires - his mother brought him up to be an excellent cook! His recommended feel-good food is his mother’s jambalaya, but you absolutely love when he makes etouffee!

If anybody dares to try and disturb your well-needed sleep, he broadcast their screams to remind them just why the hotel has a radio tower…

Will suggest that you take advantage of the bayou-side of his room for the fresh air, but of course will not force you to do anything against your complete comfort.

The best thing that he knows to do is what his mother did to him whenever he was sick: Sit in bed with him and tell him Creole folk tales. They always enamored him, and just the fact that he was allowing you to see this personal side of him made you feel better.

At the end of the day, Alastor would take advantage of the beautiful setting that the dark bayou side of his room provided and conjure up a lovely scene of fireflies, all while softly playing his piano and singing his favorite songs to guide you to sleep (You are the only person he will let hear his singing). While Alastor may seem heartless from afar, you wouldn’t trade this demon for all of the money in the world.

🗝️😈Charlie😈🗝️:

Would definitely notice that you were sick before you did and insisted that you get plenty of bedrest. When you refused, insisting that you were ok, she would monitor you until you finally accepted that you were sick and let her take care of you. She would say, “I’m not saying I told you so, buuuuuut…”

Takes care of you to the point where some tasks of the hotel were neglected, but to be honest, it was a win-win for everyone in the hotel. She was happy that you were being taken care of, and everyone else was happy that they didn’t have to participate in trust exercises.

She would crack open her book of the story of Hell - it always calms her down during an extermination, so hopefully it could calm you down as you try to sleep.

If she absolutely had to leave the hotel to do/get something, she would most definitely buy a little keepsake and bring it back for you.

She would use her love for singing to lull you to sleep, singing sweet lullabies that her mother used to sing to her as a child.

You have to constantly remind her to take care of herself as well, as she will literally remain at your bedside, not caring to eat or sleep, until you get better. She often gets so caught up in caring for others that she forgets to care for herself! You tell her that it would genuinely make you feel better to see her taking care of herself as well.

🪽⚔️Vaggie⚔️🪽:

Gets more defensive over you than usual, which honestly scares everyone. Nobody wants to so much as speak to you wrong in fear of Vaggie literally attacking them. Having Vaggie around is the definition of scary dog privileges.

She’s honestly extremely dramatic when it comes to you getting sick, which may seem ridiculous, but think about it: she was thrown away by her “family” in heaven, and now you’re the only person that she truly has. You confide in her, you allow her to let her guard down. If she lost you, she doesn’t know how she could even exist. So whether you have a cold or something more serious, she will automatically jump to the worst conclusions and get worried as Hell.

As tough as she seems, Vaggie loves to cuddle. She will literally lay in bed with you all day, not caring if she gets sick as well. You’re the only person that she can be vulnerable with, and if you have to be in bed all day, you better bet she’ll be right there next to you.

Her love language is absolutely telling you about all the things that she would do to defend you. She will go into immense detail about the things that she would do for you, and you will always listen in awe. She has been through so much, and this is the only way that she knows how to express her true love for you.

The last thing she wants is for somebody to feel abandoned in their struggle like she did when she fell from Heaven, especially you. She will make sure that you know how much you are valued and loved, not just by her, but by everyone at the hotel.

When you’re finally ready to get out of bed and start participating in hotel duties again, she monitors you the whole time to make sure that you’re not over-exerting yourself.

🕷️💖Angel Dust💖🕷️:

Is very upset and on edge - Valentino forces him to work everyday, no matter the circumstances, and not being at the hotel to care for you or at least watch over you makes him feel horrible.

Basically forces you to sleep as much as you can, even better if it’s in his room so he can see that you’re okay immediately when he gets home.

Encourages you to cuddle with Fat Nuggets - he’s essentially a cute and cuddly heating pad. (He actually gives Fat Nuggets this adorable pep talk about how he needs to take good care of you while “dad” is at work)

He wholeheartedly believes in the power of comedy, so he essentially treats your bedrest as a stand-up comedy show for him to perform in order to make you laugh. He’ll tell stupid jokes, put together horrible dances, or even just hide in places and scare you in hopes that making you laugh will help you forget how bad you feel.

Loves talking to you after work. You’re essentially the only person that he takes off his hypersexual mask around, and he knows that he can be himself around you, that you would never judge him. So, sometimes he will get home to find you already asleep and get in bed with you, holding you tight, whispering all of the things that he wanted to tell you about today, hoping that at least some of his words wiggle their way into your dreams.

Loves sappy rom com movies and will 100% force you to watch them with him. He claims it’s because the “good vibes” of the romance will make you feel better, but to be honest, he just wants someone to watch his dumb movies with.

♦️🥃Husk🥃♥️:

Will blame himself for your sickness, claiming that he shouldn’t have let you drink so much over the past couple of days (He literally cannot comprehend the idea that people can be sick NOT from being hungover lol).

When you insist that it’s not his fault, he’ll ease up. He’ll use some of his bartending skills to make some sort of juice mocktail for you and will definitely sneak in some vitamin C to heal you faster.

Everyone - specifically Angel - will wonder why the fuck the bar hasn’t been stocked in days (It’s because Husk has been chilling in bed/taking care of you nonstop).

This is the only time that he will completely surrender to the idea of being one big stuffed animal to cuddle with. I mean, he’s warm, soft, and he purrs! What’s more therapeutic than that?

This is also a great time to get uninterrupted talking time with Husk. He’s a great listener, so you’ve always opened up to him, but it took him a while to open up to you too. He had told you that you were one of the only people that he trusted enough to confide in, but always seemed to air on the side of caution when sharing his personal struggles because it always seemed that someone would just pop up at the bar asking for a drink whenever it happened. This was one of the few times that the two of you could be completely open and vulnerable with each other without the risk of outside judgment.

Given the fact that he was such a gambler, Husk has a knack for all sorts of card games. If you get too bored, just give him a deck of cards and the possibilities for entertainment are endless. Want him to teach you how to play poker or rummy? Done. Want him to embarrass himself while he tries to relearn some card tricks that he used to flaunt? Done and done.

🐍⚙️Sir Pentious⚙️🐍:

The second you told him you were sick, he would waste no time in finding one of his many inventions that could help you in some way. He definitely has some complex medical screening device hidden somewhere that he could use… he just has to remember where he put it.

If you complain about being sore, he will insist that you snuggle up next to him. Because he’s a cold-blooded reptile, his body is one big ice pack! On the other end, if you feel yourself coming down with some feverish chills, he has you covered! His bedroom ceiling is essentially one huge heat lamp, so feel free to chill under there, too!

Has assigned himself as your personal nurse and will provide anything that your heart desires. If it for some reason cannot be found within the hotel, he will travel to any ring of Hell necessary to make sure that you are well taken care of. This man is DETERMINED.

You can tell that he’s taking this seriously because he actually neglects his “evil duties” for a couple of days. The airship isn’t even mentioned until you heal (unless, of course, you feel that taking a ride on the airship would make you feel better. Then, of course he will set it up for you!).

Despite literally voicing his complete and utter devotion to your every flight of fancy, this man is still as awkward as ever. He will still struggle to ask you if you want to cuddle, quite literally fluttering around the subject until you bring it up for him.

At the end of the day, though, Sir Pentious is probably the sweetest sinner you could’ve ended up with as your caretaker. He may be awkward, but boy, does he love you!

👹👼Lucifer👼👹:

While you are resting in bed, he will conjure up the most delightful images of anything you request (his favorite, though, is a group of ducklings waddling through a golden lake together 🫶)

Being the King of Hell, he has so many interesting stories to tell you if you’re willing to listen. He will gladly tell you stories as you lay in bed with him, slowly lulling you to sleep. (His daughter clearly got her love of storytelling from him).

He loves that you trust him enough to let him take care of you - he doesn’t often have people around, let alone people that he truly loves. Just your presence in his room truly fills him with so much joy.

He didn’t want to annoy you with his ramblings about his many rubber ducks so he was ecstatic when you asked him to give you a tour of all of them. This man was telling you each and every duck’s name, backstory, etc. and honestly, it was adorable. When he quickly glazed over one of the ducks anxiously, you asked why. He then shyly revealed that it was, in fact, a rubber duck that looked just like you.

His love language is definitely gift-giving. This rubber duck would lead to him showing the many, MANY gifts he has created for you in his free time. He always has a ton of downtime, so making gifts for people is his favorite hobby. These gifts include, but aren’t limited to: various duck items, binded storybooks, music boxes, paintings, etc. This man is TALENTED, to say the least. He just hopes that looking at these will distract you enough from being sick.

Also, his room is by far the comfiest to sleep in while you’re sick… the mood lighting that is naturally provided from his glowing light shows is simply unmatched.

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freds-one-piece-fics · 9 months

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Overnight work

Straw hat’s [redacted] (Yandere! Strawhats x reader)

Prologue

Tw: blood, wounds, splinters (pretty descriptive)

A little bonding time with... Zoro???? Lucky you!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

When you joined the straw hats, they expected some hard work on your end. Not because they wanted you to, oh no no no. The reason they came to this conclusion was because of the hard work you put in your old job and how seriously you took it.

They just didn't expect how invested you were in completing tasks...

On your first day living on the ship, you got up and waited on the rest of the crew, figuring that it'd be rude to snoop around on your own. Once the crew did leave their beds, they were surprised, even more so when you asked what duties you have been assigned.

The crew wasn't really sure where to start honestly. They really didn't think that far (Luffy made that decision to bring you on the ship without an actual plan), so they instead asked you to join in on a fun activity that day.

Initially, you were distracted from doing any real work, but you being you... you eventually found some labor.

Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper tried keeping your attention away from such boring tasks, but you couldn't even focus on the game at hand. Not when one of the newly replaced back sail had that nasty hole in it...

That simply wouldn't do.

So off you went, grabbing a spare sail clothe to replace the damaged one.

It took most of the afternoon just replacing it and inspecting any parts of the ship. The more mature members of the crew kept the others (mainly Luffy) from interrupting your work, but even they were bothered by your refusal to accept help.

Sanji even made dinner earlier so he could get you to break your unwavering attention on the sails, which worked fortunately!

That night, dinner was loud and chaotic.

It was a type of chaos that held no genuine malice, even as Sanji threatened to shove his foot up Zoro's hyper-clenched asshole.

You ate your food politely, even letting Luffy snag some food off your plate (much to Sanji's chagrin) while Sanji was distracted by Nami's beauty or Zoro's "I don't give a fuck" attitude.

Over all, the first day was uneventful, even for the Straw hat's standards…

BAM!

"...What the hell?" Zoro hissed in annoyance at first, only for that irritation to be replaced by caution as he heard another sound, this time more quiet then before...

Whoever was up there was trying (and failing) to be quiet.

The other men snored loudly as Zoro snuck out the room with his swords. His senses were on high alert as he poked his head outside, seeing nothing but the deck lacking any other living being.

His attention was directed to above him once he heard soft but heavy feet walking on the wood deck above.

Swords drawn, Zoro leapt onto the anchor deck, ready to tear into who ever dared to sneak onto the Going Merry. His rush of adrenaline only increased tenfold when he spotted a tall figure hidden by the shadows of the moonless night.

The figure turned with a large wood pole on their shoulder, nearly knocking Zoro off the deck. He ducked down just in time before launching himself towards the figure with his blades crossed in front of him. the figure quickly dropped the pole to the side of them and gripped the blades, keeping Zoro from slicing the figure.

He almost couldn't budge from the grip the person had on his swords, but he pulled, and pulled, and pulled, slowly cutting through the hand's delicate palms like thick butter before a pained growl was let out.

Shock, hurt, and confusion displayed itself on your face as you looked back in Zoro's golden brown eyes, who did a double take as well.

"(Y/n)!? What the hell!?" He yelled and backed away with his blades as soon as you released them.

"I'm... sorry?" You said in pure confusion.

"What-What are you doing out here this late!? And why are you swinging a giant pole around!?" He demanded while pointing his sword at you accusingly.

"I'm... finishing what I started yesterday." You said while pointing over to where the hind mast would be, which appeared to be missing.

Well... Not really.

Zoro would realize this when he finally stared at the now familiar looking mast laying on the deck beside them.

"...didn't you fix it though?" Was all he could ask in that moment.

"Only the sail. The repair shop missed the smaller mast apparently. The main one is in perfect condition, but this one wasn't." You said with a small huff.

Zoro slowly sheathed his swords, still giving you a strange look.

"Alright, but... at night?"

"It's better to get it done as soon as possible."

You walked over to grab the pole, only to jolt and pause before grabbing the pole more gently.

"Oi, leave it be." Zoro said while approaching you.

"I have to-"

"Your hands are cut open." Zoro muttered something about you being a dumbass before reaching down and grabbing your hands to look at them.

Your eyebrows were raised in surprise by his sudden touch and closeness, even more so by the fact that he gave a crap.

He clicked his tongue, feeling the blood on your calloused hands but unable to see well on this moonless night.

"...I can't see shit. C'mon." He turned away and walked towards the stairs.

You were hesitant to follow. Sure, you were bleeding and it hurt, but the job wasn't done. You CANNOT have the captain see his own mast laying on the anchor deck.

Unfortunately for you, the swordsman wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Get your ass down here, we need to clean your wounds."

"But Captain Luffy won't be pleased with the mast-"

"I'm his first mate. I have authority, so I say you leave the stupid piece of wood and bandage your hands. You'll get blood all over it anyway." Zoro said in an annoyed tone.

"...yes sir."

Zoro's face scrunched up at that as his face burned a little hot.

"Don't call me that. It's Zoro." He snapped at you half heartedly.

With all being said, Zoro led you to the lounge area, which sat at the back of the ship. While grabbing the railing to walk up the steps, you pulled back and grit your teeth when what felt like a splinter snagged itself into your open flesh.

You go to pull the piece of wood out, only for a voice to snap at you.

"C'mon. Don't mess with your cuts until we get in the lounge." He said, looking back despite not seeing too well in the dark.

You complied, this time not touching the railing as you walked upwards.

As soon as you both entered the lounge, Zoro turned to you and cussed under his breathe after catching sight of your visible hands.

"I cut you pretty damn bad. Stay here."

He left the room quickly, leaving you in an awkward silence as you studied your own hands.

Your rough, scarred hands had new wounds added to them. The cuts were smooth, something that could easily heal, but the depth of the cuts would be a problem you concluded. You eyed the splinter launched in the exposed meat and with care and patience, grabbed the tip of it with your other hand, slowly pulling the intruder out of the pulsing mess of blood and skin.

Despite the obvious pain of removing the splitter, there was this euphoric relief. The wound throbbed and burned, but it became a more comfortable and dull sensation.

The door opened, snatching your attention away from the cuts on your hands. Zoro walked in, glancing at your ands before dropping the kit he had in his hand.

"What the- did you pick at it???"

You stared sheepishly at the moss headed man, who snapped at you once more.

"Dumbass!!!"

Zoro stomped over and grabbed your hands, inspecting the damage before releasing your wrists again.

"We gotta wash it a little." He sighed while brute forcing the kit open. He dug into the kit in search of something before he looked at you with a confuzzled look.

"What the hell are you sitting there for? Wash your hands there, idiot!" He pointed to the sink in exasperation.

"Yes sir."

"Oi! Stop calling me that!"

Zoro wrapped your hands tight in gauze and medical tape, slapping your hands away when you tried to do it yourself.

"Both of your hands are injured. You're in no condition to wrap these yourself." He excused despite you stating that you had worse.

Once he was done, he looked over your hands, subconsciously rubbing a thumb over a long healed scar that was located on the back of your hand.

While you allowed him to inspect your hands, you couldn't help but notice how little focus he was giving the recent injuries given by yours truly.

He grumbled something that you couldn't make out, before he removed his own calloused hands and sat on the other chair he leaned his swords against.

"It's done. Tony can look at it tomorrow..."

You nodded, ready to stand up and leave to finish what you started before Zoro stopped you.

"That means go to bed."

"...I was?" You said as you made a funny face.

The man scoffed at you narrowed his eyes.

"You're a terrible liar. Less convincing than the long nose."

You didn't have time to answer before Zoro pointed to the door with his thumb.

"Go to sleep. We can worry about the hunk of wood in the morning... or afternoon. Seeing that you chose to stay up late." He snarked.

You opened your mouth, about to speak when he stopped you.

"And don't call me what you're about to call me."

"Call you what, sir?"

"...go to fucking bed." Zoro hissed.

'How troublesome' he would think as he watched the (h/c) head towards the room that Sat between Nami's and the boy's quarters.

He didn't think they would cause issues so soon...

And he didn't think he'd give a shit so fast...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for the rough start, fellas. I've lost my touch lmao.

I wanna do a slow burn type of deal where the yanderes slowly turn yandere, some slower/faster than others.

I'm not gonna make it painfully slow, don't worry, it'll maybe at least a few weeks or a month for the characters before they become yanderes.

No hate at all to other fics that do this, but I'd like to think the obsession isn't within the first second they meet. If that's the case, then they may as well randomly grow attached to everyone they meet lol (but that's just me. Just a lil nit pick.)

But anywho, I'll be making the aftermath of this fic.

Goodnight 🌙

#one piece x reader #yandere strawhats #tw yandere #yandere one piece #straw hats x reader #one piece reader insert

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descendants-brat · 4 months

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The Villain was Mal: The century long Did I mention debate.

To this day Audrey and Ben are being pitted against each other in the Did I mention scene when neither of them were at fault.

Ben was the direct victim, he was unable to control his actions and did something he wouldn't even had done had he not been drugged and NOBODY out of all the people who knew him for years found this out of character or stood up for him. They didn't pull him aside afterwards to ask what the hell he was doing or if he was okay, knowing he was pretty much completely unprotected from magic and the VK girly is walking around with a spell book.

Audrey was the indirect victim, she was publicly humiliated by her boyfriend and watched people she was friends with cheer him on and the girl he's doing this with is the daughter of your family's enemy. You were visibly destressed and the same thing with Ben, nobody cares, nobody asks. So you do the only thing you can do to try and save face and find another date. She's got her heartbroken, she'd probably feel more humiliated even trying to ask Ben about it and it doesn't help all of her friends are cheering them on. She at this point doesn't even know what was really going on.

Ben ends up in this borderline abusive relationship where he's afraid to say no to his girlfriend/fiance and everyone including his parents holds her opinion of more value than his as king. Whenever he's being abused by magic, which happens in all three movies nobody (D1-D2) Sticks up for him they either don't care or blame him for actions he had no control over.

Audrey is shunned from Auardon and is blamed by her family for failing to secure the king as if they didn't have a genuine relationship and she doesn't have feelings. She falls into a depression and has fallen behind in school and questions her self worth because all of the people who were her friends or looked at her in awe were now asking "What is she doing here?" for showing up to a birthday party that in any other circumstances she would've been invited. How was she not supposed to tie her self worth in dating Ben when people started treating her like a waste of space when she wasn't with him?

In conclusion, after years we need to realize that this situation was neither of their faults, they had been used and manipulated in a plan that was barely undone because nothing was every clarified between the two. The ending of their relationship was forced onto them and consequently the destruction of any friendship they could've had. I don't want to be like "blame it all on Mal" but if we're going back and forth between blaming Ben and Audrey, then yes we need to blame Mal. She created the direct situation for it to happen, benefited from it entirely, lied about what actually happened (saying she spelled Ben for love) and she herself never tried to make amends or actually explain the situation. Mal spelled him taking away his right of action and she clearly wasn't sorry about what happened to Audrey because she insults her right after the did I mention scene when at this point she doesn't know anything about her. She further in my opinions shows a lack of actual remorse when she continues to try and spell Ben later on and when she gives up on magic gaslights him into doing what she wants (she doesn't take no for an answer.) (That's a whole different conversation but okay Mal, Audrey is the shallow one and Evie is better even though everybody knew Evie was only interested in Chad because he was a prince.)

#ben descendants #king benjamin #king ben #ben deserves better #ben and audrey #audrey descendants #disney descendants #descendants #anti mal #anti mal bertha

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pacificwaternymph · 28 days

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Aaaaand everyone give it up for WASTED POTENTIAL

Season finale spoilers under the cut

Okay. I'll be honest. The finale was... not what I was hoping for.

I tried so hard to remain optimistic. I truly believed they could pull it all together and everything was going to have a satisfying conclusion. But I guess that's my fault. I set my expectations too high.

Is this about Tech? Primarily, yes. Yes it was. I am so disappointed. And you can make fun of me all you want but I genuinely believed, with all my heart, that CX-2 was Tech.

BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK ELSE WAS THERE SO MUCH EMPHASIS ON HIM

There was so much to suggest that CX-2 was somebody we knew. We spent so much time on him, suffered through so many completely unnecessary, in hindsight, close up shots and random pieces of episodes that focus on him, only for him to get javelined through the middle in the span of half a second.

It feels like the writers were just making fun of the viewers, at this point. Haha, can you believe they actually thought?

Yes, we did think! Did you?

Tech's death was so... unconvincing. They didn't even try. Not only was his life "cut short" in the midst of his character development, said death was caused by falling, without any other kind of injury, while we watch him disappear into the clouds. And then we see no body and only have his broken goggles as "evidence" of his death. What the hell else were we supposed to assume?

That's not even bringing up that Tech gets maybe three mentions all throughout the entire season. The show never touches on how the death of one of their squadmates, people they have known since birth, affects the batch. Not once do they ever say out loud that Tech is dead until the fucking finale.

This isn't just me reading too closely between the lines. This is genuinely bad writing. It's loading chekhov's gun and then refusing to shoot it.

Even if CX-2 wasn't Tech, or even somebody we knew, the way he is treated suggests that he was supposed to be important. He was supposed to be be relevant. And now, he's neither!

Furthermore, where fuck was everybody? Where was Rex with the reinforcements to storm the base? Where was Wolffe deciding he didn't want anything to do with the Empire anymore? Where was Cody? Where was Phee in all of this?

Where was Cid? So we're just... not going to get any kind of closure for that? She just betrays them and we never see her again? Even if they didn't redeem her, that feels like pretty damn bold move.

The Zillo beast does... barely anything. Really? It just breaks out and moves away from the biggest source of energy it will ever find after causing the slightest amount of property damage to two rooms, and storms off into the woods, and that's all we get? Seriously?

And then once we get to the time jump... Echo's gone. Again. Either still off with Rex, if he hasn't gone into hiding yet, or died off screen. Neither is a good nor satisfying ending for his character. But I guess shouldn't be surprised by that. When have the writers ever cared about Echo?

The biggest problem with the whole thing is that it didn't feel like a finale. It felt like a normal episode, just slightly longer. The Bad Batch returned to Pabu, because I guess there are no consequences from the Batch being discovered there before and the empire decided that they were just going to... leave it alone, and everything returns to the status quo. That's not what a finale does, Dave.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. There were parts that I enjoyed. I'm glad Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair got their happy endings. Seeing Omega all grown up really did something to my heart. But overall I am just so frustrated.

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platonically-loving-alastor · 1 month

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Aroace Alastor

Hoo boy here we go- This one might make some people mad at me, so I'll preface by saying I do not want to start a fight and as long as you respect my business, I'll respect yours. But let's get this over with-

First off, I genuinely don't understand how some people can see the Ace-In-The-Hole quote and still believe that Alastor is only intended to be asexual and not also aromantic. Yes, the term Rosie used for purpose of the pun was 'ace', but can we look at the context of that moment before jumping to conclusions?

Rosie, motioning to Charlie: "Oh, who's this you brought with you? Come now, Alastor, she's much too young for you! Oh, I'm just kidding. I know you're an ace in the hole!"

Her original statement implies nothing sexual, only that he's involved in a relationship with Charlie, and she follows it up with why she knows that couldn't be because he's an 'ace in the hole'. I don't think you have to read too far between the lines to see that.

I would also like to say that when Vivienne has spoken about his orientation before, I recall her saying that she didn't want to confirm him being aromantic so that she wouldn't 'ruin anyone's fun', which I just feel like is an odd thing to say if she wasn't already explicitly picturing him as aroace. If she thought he had romantic attraction, why wouldn't she just say that? What fun would that ruin? I also feel like keeping things like this ambiguous just to appease the shippers is a little weird, but I digress-

And to those of you who I know are saying "But aromantic people can be in relationships too!!" *deep inhale* yeah I know. I'm not gonna pretend you're not right about that, but there are also aroace people who have exactly 0 interest in romance or sex at all. This is the part of the post that really is based on how I interpret certain moments, but to me he is absolutely one of those people. I don't really know where people get any vibes of him being interested in that stuff. I have never once looked at him and thought "Yeah I could see him in a romantic relationship with *insert character here*". Even aside from attraction in general, since that's what we'd be talking about at this point anyway, he just seems like the kind of guy who'd rather work and live independently instead of relying on anyone, whether practically or emotionally (which is also probably part of the reason he never joined the Vees, but that's another topic entirely). Hell, I'm pretty sure he's in heavy denial about even developing any kind of care or friendship with the people at the hotel (ie. the episode 8 scene with him and Niffty).

The only ships I see him involved in with people he doesn't hate (so ignoring RadioApple, RadioHusk, and StaticRadio. But to be real, maybe the fact all his main ships are enemies to lovers coded says something about the whole situation, but that's just me-) are Charlastor - which I will not even try to discuss here, people aren't gonna like this post as it is - and RadioRose. Rosie and him would at least be fair, if it weren't for one thing (which is also personal opinion on my end), and I don't know exactly how to word it. I'm tempted to say she has wingwoman vibes? But she knows he's aro, so that's not the right word, but there's vibes of like, she probably did act as a wingwoman before she realized that about him or something.. There's also something about her joking around like "Oh this is the girl? You have a girlfriend and I'm only now meeting her?" is almost giving motherly behavior. Idk man they're just besties to me, I could see them in a QPR though (not that they'd probably label it that way, considering the word queerplatonic is likely just complete gibberish to Alastor lmao).

So to summarize: It feels incredibly likely, if not practically canon, that Alastor was written with aromanticism in mind, even if Vivienne refuses to explicitly state it. Subtext and not-that-subtle implications can say just as much about a character as word of God, especially when that God has explicitly told us why she won't confirm or deny this information. Do I think any of this will stop people from shipping him romantically with literally any other character? No ofc it won't, and that's okay, that's just what fandoms do. I do think there's something to say for the fact the one aroace (or even at the very least asexual) character gets constantly shipped with everyone else in the cast, but this post is long enough I think. The only point of posting this is that I wanted to get information out there in one post to say "Hey, let's look a little bit past the surface for a second before saying there's no proof of him being aromantic"

Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you at least took something away from this

#*prepares to be metaphorically burned at the stake*#i will also say i have a complicated relationship with staticradio #if its one sided thats fantastic but the moment alastor reciprocates feelings im out #will probably make a post on that too at some point #hazbin hotel #alastor #aroace alastor #rosie hazbin hotel #platonic radiorose

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stoned-eren · 6 months

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a/n: constantly dreaming of eren and the love he provides. <3 this is very self indulgent, but i hope you enjoy it anyways :>

tw: MDNI!!, mentions of death/implied death, suggestive for a teeny tiny bit, fluff, angst

word count: 3k

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

an angel.

you swore he had to be an angel.

well, technically, you didn’t know what he was. he could have very well been a carefully constructed set of situations falling into place, somehow created in your brain.

but he felt so real. so genuine, so deep, so alive.

there was no way to really put it in a way that made sense. all judgements cast aside, you were being overwhelmed, borderline plagued by dreams of someone you had never met before.

they were rather odd dreams as well. always taking place on an ocean shore with a dusty pink sky, the dawn poking through the shore’s horizon line. every time you visited this place, colors were more vibrant, circumstances were more peaceful. there was the gentle rise and fall of the beach’s waves, encapsulating your thoughts with every push and pull of the water, every ounce of wind that brushed through your fingertips.

the first time you arrived on that sandy shore, you simply plopped yourself down where you stood, just trying to enjoy the scenery around you. in your dream like state, you were surprisingly in control of your actions; you felt like you could go anywhere, do anything. yet, you chose to remain here, feeling the particles of sand press into the back of your legs as you took a seat on the grainy earth below. you felt like you belonged. there was no reason to leave.

and that’s when you met him. you were simply watching the waves, your eyes resting on the subtle rise and fall of the water, when a voice from behind snapped you out of your thoughts.

“nice view, isn’t it?”

turning around, your eyes met a man that, at the time, was unfamiliar to you. pools of turquoise irises stared back at you, almost boring into your soul. his brown hair was slackly tied up in a messy bun, loose strands of hair perfectly framing his face. the strange man stood at a rather large stature, towering above you as he approached you. as he gets closer, it feels like he’s almost glowing, practically radiating heat. he’s just so incredibly warm. so inviting.

even though you’ve never met him, you found yourself saying yes when he asked if he could take a seat next to you. the two of you sat in silence. comfortable silence.

which only lasted a moment.

“…did you know that sand crabs can only move backwards?” the strange man casually blurts out, as if he were talking to an old friend.

“huh?” you reply.

“sand crabs… they can only move backwards,” he restates. “they even dig backwards.”

“…i see,” you slightly hum, looking into the man’s pretty eyes. “that’s actually really interesting. i would want to be a sand crab.”

the strange man gives you an awkward smile. “me too. do you think that everything they do is backwards? like… do they talk to each other in reverse?”

you can’t help but laugh a little at his question. “if they’re talking in reverse and it’s normal to them, wouldn’t that just mean that they’re talking normally?”

“hm… good point,” the man says, now lost in thought about your question.

a few times a week, from that point on, you would dream of that beach. without fail, that man you saw would be there to greet you, every time. as time went on, you learned that his name was eren. how you learned that- hell, how he assigned himself that name was beyond you. but you accepted it. you accepted the dreams, sometimes greatly looking forward to them.

each and every dream was so profoundly different, so intensely special to you. at first, your dreams were casual- light talks with one another, simply getting to know one another’s temperament and personality.

in a short amount of time, you and eren came to the conclusion that you two were dreaming. someway- somehow, you both had ended up in this vast, empty beach; with nothing else to do but to enjoy each other’s company.

and it was very easy to enjoy eren’s company. after all, eren was just so kind, so sweet. though he was a little reserved, you could tell he had a big heart. with the way he spoke, he cared deeply for everything around him; for the people around him.

despite always being a little vague, he would occasionally fill you in with life events he was going through. they weren’t specific enough for you to fully understand what was going on, but you tried to support him, as best as you could. although you wanted to ask him what exactly was plaguing him, what specifically you could do to help- you felt yourself holding back, just a bit.

pretty quickly, you decided not to talk about the problems going on outside of the dreams, opting to vaguely discuss issues that bothered you both. you didn’t want to pry too much from him. he seemed to have a lot going on, and you didn’t want to ruin these pieces of momentary bliss for him.

another thing, you noted, was that time appeared to stand still in these dreams. you would be in eren’s presence for what seemed like hours- but when you would awake from your slumber, only a brief half hour would pass. spending what seemed like hours in each other’s presence just made it easier to familiarize yourself with him; to really learn about him, and fall in love with the man who stumbled into your head.

after about two months of these bi-weekly dreams, eren allowed himself to show a more vulnerable side. one that lamented, one that grieved. it was evident he had a strong personality, a bit of tainted roughness to him. there would be times where you would help him navigate himself through bursts of pure passion, fits of anger. but despite it all, he was always so gentle, so uniquely kind to you.

it felt like eren understood you. very deeply, very intricately. no matter what you told him, he would always respond with warmth and acceptance, comfort coaxing his voice as he helped you work through yourself. softness was always apparent in eren’s gaze, his viridian eyes never failing to completely envelop you as he talked or watched the waves.

to your delight, eren seemed to share the same feelings for you; your affections for one another simply falling into place. neither one of you questioned it, never doubting it for even a miniscule of a second.

being with him just felt so right. each moment between you two was deeply cherished, every encounter treated as if it would be the last.

despite the beach being rather empty, there was always something to do together. eren tended to spend a good while by the shore of the ocean, choosing to spend his time building unstructured sandcastles, or collecting intricately detailed seashells and pigmented rocks. if he wasn’t searching for seashells, he was digging for sand crabs, creating sandy little pockets of water for them to swim in. eren also found that splashing you in various ways was rather entertaining, usually dumping seaweed infested water on you when you least expected it. of course, you would get back at him by doing the exact same thing.

when the two of you weren’t goofing around, circumstances were much more intimate. the two of you would sway in the water, twirling and tumbling to the sea’s gentle grasp. you could feel the salty ocean water chill your skin as eren would guide your body with his, his grip on you always so gentle, so hesitant. as you two would dance, he’d litter your neck with soft kisses, your hands running through the locks of his chestnut brown hair. the two of you could spend hours dancing in tandem to eren’s peaceful hums.

other dreams were spent completely wrapped up in each other’s arms, the sounds of the waves overlapping the small whimpers and sighs that left each other’s throats. during moments like these, the full extent of eren’s passion and desire for you was evident. he would whisper sweet nothings, reminding you of how much of an angel you were, how absolutely perfect you were. breathless groans of “you’re mine,” would slip from his lips as he felt the heat of your skin against him, allowing himself to become completely devoted to you.

and even though you were just dreaming, you absolutely dedicated yourself to each and every peaceful moment with eren.

dreams were an escape from reality. an escape from the perils and pressures of the world, an escape you had so desperately needed. it felt like only you and eren existed in those dreams, nothing but the crisp water surrounding you two, the pink sky stretching past your line of sight, and the air filled with soft touches and gentle kisses.

the more you would have these dreams, the more they consumed you. you found yourself wanting to be on that sandy beach until the end of time.

but of course, you couldn’t sleep forever. you couldn’t dream forever.

there would be many instances where all you could do is lay awake in bed, your eyes shot open from the previous dream. all you could do was yearn. all you could do was long to be with eren again.

and it was slowly tearing you apart from the inside out.

longing for eren was a past time of yours. whenever things in the real world started to go awry, you instinctively found yourself daydreaming about eren, begging whatever deity you could to have him there with you. it was a helpless sensation; knowing that the one who could bring you so much comfort was so far away, so out of your grasp. the only time he would bring you that comfort again was if you happened to drift off to sleep and arrive on that beach.

and truthfully, as time progressed, those times were fading away with each passing month. visits from eren became less frequent. nonetheless, his words were always so kind, so comforting. they were simply becoming farther and fewer in between.

which brings you to now.

it had been at least two weeks since you had seen eren. as you drifted off into sleep, your line of sight slowly transitioning from nothingness into blurred colors and shapes, you arrived at that tranquil beach. you sat in your typical spot, expecting to see your dream man once again. and just like clockwork, he arrived after a few minutes, slowly taking a seat next to you.

although this time, eren seemed very tired. there was a glimmer of despair in his face, a mix of torment and confusion. his normally bright and vibrant eyes seemed faded by dullness, blankly scanning the environment around you two for something- anything. what that something was, you weren’t sure. undoubtedly, the air seemed different this time around. much more still, much more uncertain.

“…hey,” eren breathed, wrapping his arm around you and gazing off into the ocean.

“eren,” you smile at him, trying to push your feelings of uncertainty away. “i’ve missed you so much…”

he turns his attention away from the waves to give you a brief smile. the pain is evident on his face; it’s impossible to ignore.

“um… are you doing alright?” you say, tilting your head at him.

he turns back to gaze at the shore. “i think i need to be honest with you.”

silently, you stare at him, a million thoughts racing through your head.

“i have something i have to do. i need to do it… and i don’t think i’m going to come back from it,” eren admits.

“what? what makes you say that?” you question, unsure of what he’s talking about.

”i just…i think this might be the last time we see each other…” he trails off his sentence, finally getting the strength to turn back to you.

the look on your face is absolutely crushed. eren feels a hint of guilt, a hint of shame upon meeting your eyes.

“…why?” you blurt out, pain starting to become evident in your voice.

“i don’t think i can fully explain. but i just wanted you to know… so you don’t keep expecting me. you need to forget about me, and be happy…” eren slightly wallows, his voice slow and wavering.

“no… no, i don’t want that,” you plead with him. “please, just talk to me…i don’t want to lose you.”

“even if i tell you, there’s nothing that can be done,” he reaffirms.

you try your best to comfort him. “you don’t know that. it could-“

“i do know…” eren interjects.

“but how can you be so sure?” you object.

“…ah. don’t judge me… alright? i don’t know how to say this, but…” he thinks for a moment. “…i know my fate, i guess. i’ve seen it before.”

with sadness in your eyes, you listen to him as he tries his best to break down his situation, everything that he’s been keeping bottled up in him for so long.

“right now… where i live, there’s a war going on,” eren speaks slowly, carefully choosing his words. “all the nations outside of my island want my people dead. but i won’t stand by and let them slaughter us... so there’s no other option for me. i’ll kill them before they kill us.”

before you can think of what to say, he continues. “i’ve seen my future… and my time is running out. but i just have to keep going, until the end.”

slowly, you begin to piece everything together. all the circumstances he’s been put in. the horrific conditions of his world. the absolute state of torment he’s currently in.

“eren… i’m… i’m so sorry this is happening to you…” you say, melancholy dripping from your voice. “this sounds like a nightmare…”

“it’s my fate… i just… i don’t even know where i am anymore,” eren says, tilting his head up to the sky. “all the memories- all the glimpses of the future- they’re confusing me. i can’t tell if i’m in a memory or not, even right now… everything is blurring together.”

“it breaks me to hear you say that, eren…” you sadly breathe. “it seems like you have a huge burden to bear. you’re going through a lot…”

“maybe…” he says, glancing down at you. “…but i’m glad i got to spend some of my time with you… i know we were brought together, for a reason.”

you feel your heart waver. “then why don’t you stay with me… please. we can be here forever, and you don’t have to go back to that chaos.”

“you know that’s not possible,” eren gives you a weak, broken smile.

“i’m just really scared for you…” you feel your eyes watering. “if what you’re saying is true, then… does that mean…”

“hey- don’t worry about what it means,” eren has a hint of faked reassurance to his tone. “our time is already running out as it is. let’s just try our best to enjoy it. i don’t want this to be your last memory of us.”

“stop saying that- this won’t be the last time,” you insist, trying to reason with yourself. “it won’t.”

eren softly says your name. “you have to accept it.”

“no- i can’t be without you,” you whisper, your voice barely audible. “i need you. and i want you to need me too…”

“i do need you. but i’m sorry…” he sighs. “i can’t do anything, as much as i want to.”

the two of you sit in silence for a moment. agonizing silence.

“…so… does this mean… this is goodbye?” you say, trying your best to hold back the tears starting to flow down your face.

“…my angel. i promise you… that no matter what- i’ll see you again. whether that’s in this life or the next one,” eren softly says, planting a kiss on your forehead. “-this won’t be our last goodbye.”

no words leave your mouth, just an empty whimper.

with all of his strength, eren gives you a genuine, heartfelt smile. “i love you. i hope you always remember that.”

“i…i love you too eren…” you whine, your voice strained and broken. “more than anything.”

eren’s grip on you tightens. his vibrancy and warmth spread through your body, easing your despair, just barely.

as you wrapped your arms around him, embracing him as tightly as you could, you felt him begin to slip away. colors slowly transitioned from saturated to dull, your body starting to get heavy. desperately, you caged your arms around eren, trying to grasp onto whatever amount of his body that you could-

ah. you woke up.

there were tears in your eyes as you stirred yourself out of your dream. silently, you held yourself as you tried to gain composure, your body slightly shaking and the tears unable to stop flowing down your face. the only way you could calm yourself down was by rationalizing that the dream must have been a nightmare. surely, undoubtedly- eren would come back, right? he’d be there to greet you the next time you arrived on that distant shore, with a smile on his face and open arms for you.

but unfortunately, eren was right.

that was the last time you ever saw him.

you thought about him endlessly. when you would see him again, when he would sway underneath that vibrant pink sky with you again. longing became a subconscious thought, a parasitic need that made you practically restless.

but even in your dreams, eren wouldn’t grace you. even when you would have dreams about that sandy beach again, he didn’t show up. and based off what eren told you- he would never come back.

never to return, never to whisper sweet words of affection to you- never to confide in you again. his tenderness and love would soon become a distant memory, further convoluted by the fact that all of your memories for each other took place inside of your dreams.

and as you navigated through your life, your dreams a little more alone than before, you had to make peace with the idea that eren was gone.

but just like eren said- in this life or the next, he would see you again.

and you had to hold onto that, for now. even though dreaming became insignificant, even though things felt more meaningless to you, you had to hold on.

for eren.

#so far this is my favorite fic ive written :>#so i hope you like it!!!#writing.exe #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #eren jeager #eren #eren yeager #eren jager #eren x y/n #eren x you #eren x reader #eren x y/n fluff #eren x reader fluff #aot fluff

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morskisir · 6 months

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Answer to this ask I had to post seperately because I reached the character limit or something.

OHHHH Anon you are not ready. I think about this bastard so much and too deeply.

Before I get into it:

I love how you worded this question- gives a nice atmosphere.

Just to be clear this is all about RED Sniper. I apologise to any BLU Sniper enjoyers for I don't have thoughts about that guy.

I'm not the biggest fan of the comics for many reasons so don't mind me retconning a lot of that.

In the end these are all MY opinions and views of him- if you don't like them that's no problem. It's free real estate.

And FINALLY; my thoughts, under read more:

OKAY, let's start with what even got me to interpret him the way that I do; hell yeah baby, it's Meet the Sniper time.

I've seen MANY people often assume that Sniper is one of the most normal/chill people of the 2fort nine- but the impression I got is that he wants you to think he's normal so desperately despite everything else pointing to how fucking weird he actually is. Simply noticing the stuff he's saying makes it a lot more clear. The very beginning where he goes "Boom, headshot," making light of taking another person's life so swiftly. "Cause at the end of the day; as long as there's two people left on the planet- someone is gonna want someone dead," really positive light you see the world in, Sniper.

Of course you can take this as him being "realistic", and I do agree he's more of a realist than a pessimist or optimist, but "...have a plan to kill everyone you meet," is SO fucked up. Why is his first thought when meeting someone to know how to kill them? This to me is him not being able to properly connect to other people/understand them or actually SEE them as people. Not to mention his smile after delivering that shot in the timelapse of him sniping (AND after stabbing Spy). This cunt enjoys killing. He's not the type to slowly kill someone or torture them- but he is the type to feel satisfaction after planting a bullet in someone; give himself a pat on the back for it- or perhaps find humour in the kill.

The conclusion this brought me to is that he is an unreliable narrator in "Meet the Sniper". (Also the "..be polite," line. Yeah, sure, dude. Your voice lines are very polite.)

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS FUCKING TEETH? The way his teeth look and how much they're shown to the viewer by exaggerating his mouth movements feels like a "this guy is NOT normal" sign. No one in the game has teeth similar to him and his canines are HUGE. Like holy shit, he's an apex predator.

A comment @cheebuss (I know you wanna get tagged) saw once has been a running joke between us- it was basically "He indicates so he's normal," which is fucking hilarious, but I can genuinely refute that point. First of all we see him fucking speeding in the beginning of the video- to be fair we don't know what the speed limit on this road is, BUT:

Cunt drives around with a broken side mirror. That's really unsafe, obviously. A good chunk of that mirror has gone to shit and he does not care to replace it (which feeds into my headcanon of him being stingy/not wanting to spend money because he lived on a farm and they did everything themselves). Speaking of his van; it gave me the impression he likes having everything he needs near him- he doesn't need a grand, expensive space to feel comfortable. (I headcanon that he's actually scared/unnerved by vast, empty spaces/buildings) ALSO I think he's messy and prefers the claustrophobia of his van. I like to believe his childhood room was much the same (to the detriment of his mother)- that's his safe space damn it!!!

And here I can transition into talking about his parents!!! : D Of course, not much was shown to us of Mr. & Mrs. Mundy, but we can still glean some stuff from the video- and partially- the comics.

His father very obviously disapproves of his job, calling him "a crazed gunman", and showing his morals do not align with Sniper's. Sniper calls for his mum during the phone call shown at the very end of the video- looking annoyed and somewhat distressed. It's clear to me that they've had this argument many times and Mrs. Mundy is the mediator in them. I think she disapproves of the job as much as her husband does, but is sick of hearing them argue to that extent. Regardless of this conflict, Sniper loves and cares for his parents- they are his world. He doesn't care for anyone else, most of the shit he does is for their sake and continuing to provide support so they can live a stable life at their farm as they get older. It's one of the nicest things about Sniper.

Although, I do think he struggled to get them to understand him properly. He is a quiet man who doesn't express a lot of his emotions. That will complicate things, especially if he doesn't talk about it- and he doesn't!!! : D

Despite this, I think they were the people he was closest to. Sniper, to me, is a guy who's never had friends and has been lonely as well as isolated his entire life. "Too weird to live, much too rare to die." And this is a VERY long time we're talking about; DECADES. Decades of minimum to no human connection. (Just to note; he is almost 50 to me. The comic writers fucked the timeline up and made him a 20 something year old. The Sin. Do not speak of it to me. It makes him less interesting/compelling I'm not kidding.) He is anxious in social settings, barely speaks up, and prefers to simply back away when he doesn't know how to deal with something. (SUPER DUPER AUTISM + SOCIAL ANXIETY!!!) Does he try to interact with his co-workers? Veeeeery little. He yearns for connection he convinces himself he doesn't need. He trusts no one. He's a mystery to them.

But hey!!! Less distractions from his job!!! (Bad transition) This man is genuinely incredible at what he does- I keep replaying the part where he reloads his rifle. He was not kidding about being efficient (he also kills the entire BLU team in that video??). The lad's got incredible patience, aim, control, and overall understanding of what he's doing. There's something fucked up about him observing the people he's targetting like prey, but let's leave that for when I mention his previous job as a tracker (if I do). I imagine the only thing he excelled at in school (he did go there!! He can write!!!) is maths, as that is very much needed when you're a sniper.

BTW I think he barely passed school; he hated being there, had no interest in school work and his teachers kept pestering him about his social life. Leave him alone, he doesn't need that (he does).

Most of his focus went to his parents' farm where I think he mostly took care of the animals....or went out to hunt them; which is how he learned to shoot out of a rifle in the first place. (His dad taught him.) He's not exactly an animal guy but he's also not not an animal guy.

It's complicated.

ANYWAYS, I've talked enough about one single video. Let's mention his in game voice lines a bit!

There's a LOT of material there but here's the stuff I want to mention:

He talks to himself a lot. He isn't out there with the others- his job is to be perched up somewhere high and shoot from a distance so he doesn't get spotted. He makes so many jokes that only HE's going to find funny, except "You've got a forehead on ya like a coffee table," which is genuinely the funniest thing he's ever said. Boy voices his thoughts and tries to entertain himself when he's alone- I don't judge him for that. He has to sit there for hours in complete focus (he helps himself via a lot of coffee). I DO judge the things he says, however.

He's violent. (WHAT!?) There's plenty of examples but I would like to mention one adressed to his teammates. One of the "Jeers" commands is "Should've saved a bullet for some of you blokes!" which, hey, what the fuck? That's scary. He got so frustrated he threatened his own team with murder. (It's kinda funny) To me this shows he's bad at controlling his outbursts or that he never learned how to deal with them. (Autism moment!!!)

He literally growls.

There's this line addressed to Spy: "What goes around comes around, you snotty little nance." If you're not aware- "nance" is derogatory Australian slang for a prissy, effeminate gay man. I headcanon Sniper as a homosexual man so it tickles me that he's so insecure about this fact. It's sad, absolutely, but I find humour in this horrible man being a homophobic homosexual. Project your insecurities onto a guy who can read people extremely well, why don't you. He won't do anything about it, I promise :) (Lie)

I was doing my best to not mention SniperSpy but CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS LINES AIMED AT SPY AND HOW THEY'RE DIRECT RESPONSES TO THINGS SPY SAYS? (plus the highest number of revenge lines he has directed at someone is Spy)

-> = response to:

"Aww, did I get blood on your suit!?" -> "You got blood on my suit."

"I was never on your side either! Wanker!" -> "I never really was on your side."

"Ah, my God, you've been shot. Did you get a look at the handsome rogue who did it?" -> "I'll see you in hell, you handsome rogue."

BY THE WAY, THAT LAST LINE? SPY ONLY SAYS THAT TO HIS COUNTERPART. WHAT, WERE YOU LOOKING AT HIM? WERE YOU WATCHING HIM ALL DAY? WHY DO YOU REMEMBER SO MANY THINGS HE'S SAID? WHY ARE YOU SO FOCUSED ON HIM? ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH HIM? ARE YOU OBSESSED? WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH A LITTLE NANCY BOY? HM?

There is so much more I could mention. I think whatever thing he has going on with Spy is super important to him, but I will hold back for your sake as I can talk about this for hours. You have no clue how many parallels there are, etc.

Anyways, he's in Expiration Date! A little bit! He doesn't say anything. <3 I'm proud of him!!! <3

He literally just stands around ominously in the shadows (and finds RED Spy being made fun of very amusing).

"Hehe."

(I just noticed he took his watch off and put it on his vest. This is an autism moment because I, too, hate having something on me that I don't usually have so I need to balance it out by removing something else; if I have it on me. Either way it's sensory suffering.) (Him being super attached to his hat and glasses is also an autism moment. He is no one without them.)

And then he has that one part in The Bread Fight(tm) where he gets confused by Pauling and Scout pushing the bomb.

"Tails gets trolled" looking ass.

I like watching him fall over.

After he falls here, he takes his kukri out which was... attached? situated? It was behind the strap of his arrow carrier. I think that's cool. I also think he wouldn't be doing that during matches because Spy is very much capable of stealing it/putting it away without Sniper noticing, even if it was literally on his back.

Also, I am a firm believer in "Sniper can only do one thing extremely well and has little to no interest in creative stuff," so I disagree with the idea of him being able to play a saxophone. You could say he was made to do that in school, but this guy is a smoker. I do not believe he can do that. You cannot convince me.

I think that's enough! This doesn't even go past the hypothetical tip of the iceberg, but it's a lot of words. This is the very basic stuff you have to know about how I see this cunt.

Thank you for letting me share some of my insanity.

#ask #morskiwords #tf2 #sniper #sniperspy mention i gues #thank you so much for this ask i love talking about this fucked up thing i care about too much #i wanted to include the 'feelings?' line but id have to tackle too many things i hadnt even mentioned here #overall im really surprised at how little of my thoughts are in here. i guess you dont realise the extent you think about a character until #-you write it down #uh. yeah. im normal

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valyrfia · 11 months

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Could you give me a little analysis on Max? Him as person, a driver and since we are here for Lestappen-his relationship with Charles. I read couple of analyses about Charles and they either makes him an absolute devil behind the scenes(on their opinion) or little shy angel lol. But I doubt you can analyse anything about Charles. I just think he is probably a really good person and nothing more you can really tell about him. But people seems to think the same about Max. He either an spoiled arrogant prick, egoistic, narcissistic or “meow meow Max is little baby Netflix did him dirty he is the best person on the whole world” which is also not true at all

People are shades of grey, and Max is no different. Sure, Netflix demonises him and sure, he's blunt and can be an asshole both on and off the track, but both are extremes. Max is a product of his environment (*shakes fist* Jos Verstappen) and I think that's where a majority of his abrasiveness and rudeness comes from. It doesn't change the fact he is abrasive and rude, from fighting other drivers in parc ferme to the absolute disgust he has for journalists and Netflix (which is frankly ridiculous considering that the press is what makes the sport). Max is an asshole, fully.

But on the other hand, Max is incredibly loyal with a strong sense of justice and fairness and he genuinely loves racing and craves a challenge. While I'm sure Jos is very happy with Max's current dominance over F1, I think it's quite obvious that Max actually isn't. Max is bored as hell, and racing when you're 20 seconds in front of everyone else isn't fair, or fun. I suspect this is the main reason he's so insistent that Charles has to get a decent car. Max is a conceited asshole and fully doesn't believe that anyone else on the grid matches his level–apart from Charles Leclerc.

I actually have something to say on the Charles front as well–I think he's nice to his own detriment. A lot of people describe him as a pathological people pleaser and I definitely agree with that judgement of him. And while you may think 'oh that makes him a really good person!', if we carry the people pleasing logic through to its conclusion, it results in him sacrificing his own happiness, morals, relationships in order to please other people. I can't speak on his personal life obviously, but you can see him starting to crack under the pressure already in press.

That brings me to their dynamic. I think Max's abrasiveness is softened by Charles and Max pushes Charles out of his people pleaser default (I'm thinking all of the Austrias specifically). It's a reason I find Lestappen so compelling, I think at the end of the day they would and do push each other to be better people. I also think they make each other happy and they seem very intent at fighting for the other's happiness. Whether its Charles eagerly finding Max to let him maxsplain (something so personal to me–considering how Max has talked openly about how Jos used to ban post-race analysis) or Max getting all up in anyone's face the moment they criticise Charles. They've got each other's backs in a very compelling way.

#lestappen #anon #feel free to discuss pls i beg #characterisation tag

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mercedesssssss · 7 months

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insane scene. let's discuss.

first, him watching her walk up, like he Knows who she was probably just with, and the heartbreak but also just *in awe of her* anyways on his face is sooooooo 😵‍💫

the way when she walks up and he just doesn't say anything for a moment, it shows #tome that he's thinking abt It.

secondly, him saying "normally I'd take care of this but the guy looked sketchy" or whatever the hell.... BE SERIOUS what are you talking about "I'd take care of this" like ... can't take him srsly sometimes like okay honey that was an awful excuse but i love you dearly anyways

like he could've called abbott, cho, fischer, but he called lisbon not just bc he prob knew abt the date, not just bc she's his partner, but simply bc he wants to see Her.

At any time.

For any reason.

Ever.

thirdly, her being like "you called me out here for duck tape?" & him being like "you need to trust me" is just so important to me because even though it's glossed over in this scene, (they don't spend any time on it, it's not the main point of the scene) her trusting him has always been so important to him. It certainly would be now more than most any other time considering how Tense everything is.

and then her just not believing him and immediately jumping to the conclusion that he wanted to screw up her date, which honestly as a viewer isn't big of a stretch at all but surface level it kind of reminds me of the s5 "I'm not you're girlfriend" line, bc in terms of the situation it kind of comes out of left field, just like in that s5 scene, but on a *everything* level it's both subconsciously lisbons feelings for jane coming out AND her wanting Him to talk abt his feelings for Her, & it's so insanely good bc she's totally right to think it

and then he continues on to *try* to act like he didnt know! and its funny here especially because, yes, the show has shown he's a great liar, we know this, but sometimes he's not (here) and when it comes to This (the jisbon of it all) it was just getting harder and harder to keep lying and pretending and that's why here he kind of does a TERRIBLE JOB

and in another circumstance that conversation couldve ended up going in a totally different direction, except for the fact that he was being partially truthful in his reasoning for calling her, because while he did have all those other reasons behind calling Her specifically, he also did call her bc he genuinely thought/knew someone was in trouble.

so then #it gets put aside once he convinces her and they go inside.

like I said, insane scene.

in conclusion, jisbon tension angst pining yearning etcetcetc all very loved by me 🫶

#jisbon #jane #lisbon #patrick jane #teresa lisbon #the mentalist #jisbons relationship and build up is so complex and overanalyzing each scene genuinely brings me so much joy

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sharonisthebettercarter · 1 month

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billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

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