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carminecalico · 3 years

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Eren x Armin “Fuck Away The Pain” Chapter 8 “I Hope”

Armin finally confronts Jean in a unique way

this chapter uses I Hope by Gabby Barrett

*also quick note.

My story is also on Ao3 the link is below I would love it if y’all showed it some love on there too

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28809192?view_full_work=true

"Damn Armin, love the new look." Reiner said wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "You went from angel to delinquent real quick, and where were you hiding these biceps?" He took his free hand and grabbed the muscle bump on his arm. Armin chuckled leaning into Reiner, shaking his head. He was currently wearing a pair of ripped black skinny jeans tucked into his white Doc Martens, with a chain hanging on his right side. He had a black crop top with red roses on it. He even let Ymir and Eren talk him into a little eyeliner on his waterline.

"Reiner stop hitting on me." Armin said chuckling as he pulled his arm off him while they waited for Eren to finish getting ready. The band had all complimented his new look but Reiner took it a hair further. Mostly cause he knew it’d bother Eren, and he thought it was funny. Eren walked out of the bathroom in a black band shirt and ripped blue jeans with chains hanging off the sides.

“Oh come on Armin...” He threw his arms around his neck pulling him close, “I think I could show you a good time.” He leaned his head next to Armin’s leaning in to whisper in his ear. “You look like the kind that likes a big strong man you know?”

Eren growled lowly before yanking Reiner’s arm off Armin and pulling the blonde to his chest in one motion. “Fuck off Reiner.” He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist holding him protectively from Reiner. Eren and Reiner had a stare-off until the taller of the two laughed it off and grabbed his drumsticks.

“You’re so dramatic Er, he was just joking.” Armin leaned up pressing a few light kisses along Eren’s jaw while wrapping his arms around his neck. “I’m not going anywhere.” The brunette smiled down at him tracing small circles in his back. Armin leaned into him closing his eyes. “I’m getting kind of nervous Er...” Eren pressed a kiss to his head rubbing his back gently.

“Don’t be, I’m gonna be there with you the whole time. You sound great when we practice.” Eren assured him keeping him close as the rest of the band all chime in with affirmations. Reiner getting a death glare from Eren when he claimed he’d like to make Armin sing in bed. Which made Reiner chuckle lowly with a smirk on his face.

“Guys, we’re gonna be late if we don’t head out soon.” Bertholdt said helping Annie get up from his lap, before getting up himself. Ymir, Annie, and Bertholdt piled into the van with all the band equipment leaving Reiner, Eren, and Armin to drive in Armin’s car. Much to Eren’s dislike, he ended up in the backseat with Reiner riding shotgun. Armin giggled at his pouting boyfriend before starting the car and driving over to Mikasa’s bar, The Garrison.

~~~~

"Armin! What did you do?!" Connie exclaimed when Armin got to their table with Eren wrapping his arm around his shoulders from behind the blonde. He had to start setting up soon so he didn't bother sitting.

Jean’s eyes raked his ex's body taking in the new look before pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. The crop top was just high enough to show Armin‘s slightly toned stomach, which used to be covered in his hickies. Jean counted three on his stomach, two on his collar bone, and two more on his neck. The slightly smudged eyeliner made Armin‘s eyes look bluer and harder to look away from. The haircut and new style took him from cute to hot and it bothered Jean, 'why couldn't he have done this before?' it wasn't fair. The worst of it? He looked so much happier without him.

"It's called a makeover, Connie." Armin laughed as he sat down taking his drink from Eren. He took a small sip as the brunette pressed his lips to his head before making his way to the make-shift stage. Armin just ignored Jean and Marco's existence but no one was surprised by that, but it made Jean angry and Marco nervous. Everyone in the group knew about Armin‘s evil mastermind side and none ever wanted to be on the receiving end, it was scary. One time in high school some guys made fun of Sasha, no one remembers what they said. Armin not only managed to get some chemicals in their lunches that gave them rashes for five weeks, but he also got screenshots of their dating profiles on a gay site and posted them around the school. Normally Armin wouldn't out anyone no matter what, but these two were openly homophobic at school so it was fine, he thought.

The Warriors started their set and Armin watched Eren with soft eyes and a small smile on his lips. His eyes never left Eren, watching his eyes shimmer with excitement. Eren loves performing, anyone with half a brain could see it, his eyes almost glowed. The brunette looked over catching Armin’s gaze and winked at him before a giant smile took over his face. Once again Jean found himself glaring between the two in his own pity. He downed a total of four drinks during their first set so when Eren made his way over to grab Armin to step outside he was a little tipsy. “You must think you’re soooo cool huh? You even made Armin change his look, he looked perfectly fine before.”

“First off Jean,” Armin interjected before Eren had a chance. His voice was cold and harsh giving everyone at the table a small case of goosebumps. “I wanted to get a makeover this was my choice. Secondly, you have no right to try to talk down Eren because of your own insecurities and issues.”

“You are soo dick whipped huh Armin? Can’t see how he’s brainwashing you?” Eren started to charge over to Jean before Armin stepped in front of him placing his hand on his chest keeping him in place.

“Jean that’s enough...” Marco said quietly from his seat placing a hand on his arm. Armin sent a glare to Marco and Jean before ushering Eren outside to cool off. Ymir whistled from the bar to get Armin’s attention, tossing a pack of cigarettes to him when he made eye contact with her. He heard and small thudding indicating a lighter in the pack and waved his free hand to her silently thanking her before walking outside. Armin found Eren on the far end of the patio leaning on the railing his jaw clenched tight. He walked up behind the brunette and wrapped his arms around his waist burying his face in his shoulder blade.

Eren turned in his arms wrapping his arms around his shoulders holding him close. He pressed his lips against Armin’s head gently and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry princess...”

“Don’t be, I can’t believe I dated that.” Armin looked up at Eren smiling at him before showing him the pack of cigarettes from Ymir. “Ymir figured you needed one.”

Eren eagerly grabbed them and kept one arm around Armin’s shoulders while pulling out a cigarette for each of them, pocketing the pack. He leaned close as they put the cigarettes in their mouths and lit theirs together. “Ymir is a lifesaver. How are you feeling sunshine?”

Armin chuckled before taking a puff off his cigarette. “Nervous. Not too bad though cause I know you’ll be there on stage.” The blonde sighed gently feeling Eren’s nails gently scratch at his back exposed by his shirt. “Do you have a wireless mic? I think it’d be more shocking if I was at the table to start.”

Eren smirked as he gently grabbed Armin’s chin and tilted his face up until their eyes met. “I like the way you think princess.” The blonde smiled before leaning in pressing his lips to Eren’s smiling as he trails his free hand up to his chest. The brunette let out a low moan into the kiss pulling Armin closer to him by the waist before pushing his tongue past his lips to play with Armin’s gently. Armin gave a soft whine against Eren’s lips digging his nails into his chest. The brunette pulled away pressing his forehead to Armin’s panting slightly. “You always take my breath away, mio prezioso”

“Min dyrebare..” Armin smiled gently before placing his cigarette between his lips and taking a puff off it. Eren smiled at him before taking a puff off his own cigarette.

“I knew you two would still be out here.” Ymir called from the door and walked over with Historia right behind her. Eren rolled his eyes before tossing Ymir her pack back.

“Thanks for these Ymir, I think we both needed one.” The group all talked amongst themselves while everyone minus Historia finished their cigarettes before heading inside. Eren grabbed their wireless microphone and tucked it in his back pocket before walking over to the table and leaning on the spot next to Armin. The blonde casually grabbed the microphone and placed it in his lap quickly. It immediately blended into his jeans so you wouldn’t notice it was there. Eren leaned over and pressed an obnoxiously drawn-out kiss to Armin’s lips just to piss off Jean before winking at him then making his way to the stage. “Hi, we’re back everyone!” Eren made eye contact with Armin before tapping his mic. The blonde taking the hint tapped the top of his before seeing the subtle thumbs up from Bertholdt. His heart was racing and he couldn’t tell if it was more out of nerves or excitement. Eren hearing the all-clear turned to Reiner and gave him a nod. “This is ‘I hope’ by Gabby Barrett.”

The band kicked off playing the song and Armin slowly brought the microphone from his lap to in front of his lips. The table was too busy watching the band to notice until Armin started singing his eyes trained on Eren’s to try and calm his racing heart. "I, I hope he makes you smile, the way it made me smile." Everyone at the table turned to the blonde with jaws dropped. A smile crept onto Armin‘s face feeling his nerves settle at Eren’s assuring smile. "On the other end of a phone, in the middle of a highway driving alone. Oh baby I, I hope you hear a song, that makes you sing along and gets you thinking 'bout him. Then the last several miles turns into a blur, yeah." Armin turns his head to look right into Jean's eyes his gaze cold. "I hope you both feel the sparks by the end of the drive, I hope you know he's the one by the end of the night, I hope you never ever felt more free, tell your friends that you're so happy."

Armin got out of his seat sauntering over behind Jean before leaning his free arm on his ex's shoulder. "I hope he comes along and wrecks every one of your plans, I hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on his hand, I hope he's wilder than your wildest dreams. He's everything you're ever gonna need and then I hope he cheats, like you did on me." Eren joins in on vocals as backup and their voices mesh together perfectly, like a match made in heaven. Armin glares at Jean and Marco before walking over to the stage and wrapped his free arm around Eren's shoulders. "And then I hope he cheats, like you did on me." The brunette wrapped his arm around Armin’s waist pulling his microphone off the stand.

"Yeah babe, I hope he shows up in a 2 AM pic from his friend, hanging on to a guy, and you just ain't him. I hope you stay up all night all alone waiting by the phone and then he calls." Armin takes Eren’s outstretched hand and lets the brunette gently twirl him making him smile. They intertwined their fingers and Armin felt a surge of confidence go through him. "And baby I, I hope you work it out, forgive and just about forget, and take him on a first date again. And when you lean in for a kiss!" The blonde faced Jean and Marco with a cold smile. "I hope you both feel the sparks by the end of the drive, I hope you know he's the one by the end of the night, I hope you never ever felt more free. Tell your friends that you're so happy." Armin feels Eren wrap his arm around his waist and leans back into the brunette's chest. "I hope he comes along and wrecks every one of your plans, I hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on his hand, I hope he's wilder than your wildest dreams. He's everything you're ever gonna need and then I hope he cheats, like you did on me." Eren smiles softly at Armin before sending a glare at Jean. "And then I hope he cheats, like you did on me."

"I hope it goes, comes all the way around, I hope he makes you feel the same way about him that I feel about you right now." Armin takes a deep breath stepping away from Eren and walks over to Jean again. "I hope you both feel the sparks by the end of the drive, I hope you know he's the one by the end of the night, I hope you never ever felt more free. Tell your friends that you're so happy." Armin grabs the front of Jean's shirt pulling him down so they're face to face. "I hope he comes along and wrecks every one of your plans, I hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on his hand, I hope he's wilder than your wildest dreams, he's everything you're ever gonna need. And then I hope he cheats, like you did on me." Armin lets go of Jean causing him to almost fall. "And then I hope he cheats, like you did on me. Like you did on me." Suddenly, Eren was behind the blonde when the song ended and he wrapped an arm around Armin’s waist.

"Jean are you fucking kidding?!" Mikasa looked pissed, not that everyone else didn't look mad, it's just she was even more so. Plus she was just as scary as Armin when she was angry enough. "You were our first friend! How could you?!" Mikasa lunged over the table at Jean her eyes glowing with anger. Connie and Sasha grabbed her arms to stop her but she was slipping out of their grasp. Reiner jumped up from the drumset and rushed over easily picking Mikasa up by the waist before setting her on his shoulder.

"Girl, Imma need you to chill, he's not worth the charges. I'm gonna help her cool off you guys do your thing." He carried her outside and for from the door before he set her back on the ground.

Sasha and Connie sighed before turning back to Jean. "How could you do that to Armin?" Sasha's eyes teared up and Connie placed a hand gently on her back. "All he ever did was love you and that's the thanks he gets from you? He took care of you and you stabbed him in the back!" Sasha leaned into Connie‘s chest as he wrapped his arms around her, one around her waist and one around her shoulders.

Armin walked outside to check on Mikasa as Eren wrapped an arm around Sasha who immediately latched on to him instead. "Marco... What did he ever do to you?" Connie asked the freckled boy who was cowering behind Jean. Marco looked down at the ground. Eren held Sasha close to him running a hand through her hair.

Connie just shook his head before laughing. "I thought we were all each other's ride or dies. Armin didn't deserve that...."

"I KNOW OKAY!" Jean screamed and the bar went silent. Marco clung to Jean's back trying to avoid the stares. "I know, I hate how it went down, I just never knew how to tell him. I promised forever to him and I couldn't keep it."

"Not being able to keep a promise and betrayal are two different things horse face." Eren rolled his eyes before Connie helped him lead Sasha outside. They found Armin hugging Mikasa tightly, his head buried in her neck. She was gently running a hand through his hair. The three that just walked out circled them and pulled them into a group hug. Eren found a way to nuzzle his face in Armin‘s neck before pressing his lips to the blonde's skin gently.

"Eren, Reiner, I'm okay if you want to go finish your set. I just need a little more time before going inside." Armin looked up at Reiner, who was leaning on the wall. "Thank you for tonight." Eren pressed a kiss to Armin‘s head before walking inside with Reiner. The blonde pulled himself out of the huddle to lean back on the railing with everyone quickly following suit.

"So ore we keying his BMW or slashing his tires?" Connie asked after a few minutes of silence causing the group to laugh.

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #armin arlert #Eremin #eren x armin #aot anime #Eren Jaeger #eren yeager #justjoccesaotfic

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itzleon345 · 4 years

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Dianakko Week

@dianakko-week

Day 5: Hurt/Comfort

Yeah, You’ll Blow Us All Away

Read it in AO3 here!

Summary:

Bernadette is sure Diana is going to be a great witch

“...You will come of age with our young nation

We'll bleed and fight for you

We'll make it right for you

If we lay a strong enough foundation

We'll pass it on to you

We'll give the world to you

And you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday

Yeah, you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday”

“Can you sing it once more?”

A little girl with blue eyes asked to her mother

“Diana honey, it’s time for you to go to bed”

The woman answered

“But mother! I’m not sleepy”

The girl exclaimed with a cute pout on her face

“Let’s make a deal then, I’ll sing the song again if…”

The woman with equally beautiful blue eyes started saying to her daughter

“Yes?”

The little one said with anticipation

“If... this time you sing with me!”

The older one finally said

“Okey!”

Both of them were in the bedroom of the younger one, which was laying in her bed ready to sleep. The girl’s room was quite big for a 7 year old kid but, would you blame them? They were part of the Cavendish family, one of the wealthiest and ancient families in all Europe, also, they were a very well respected family in the magical world thanks to their history as powerful healers

These two women in specific were Bernadette Cavendish, the current head of the house, and Diana Cavendish, her predecessor and only daughter.

As every night Lady Bernadette went to her daughter’s room to tuck her in bed and to sing to her her favorite lullaby song, this moment of the day was a very valued moment for both of them, ‘cause even though they were mother and daughter, thanks to Bernadette’s responsibilities as the head of the house and Diana’s education to become a witch they weren’t together most of the time, and it was just in moments like this one that they could enjoy the company of each other.

It’s also worth to say that Lady Bernadette was sick, since she was young her body was fragile and weak, and when she gave birth to Diana her condition worsened, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to see her daughter grow, so she really treasured every moment she was by her daughter’s side because she knew one day she would have to go.

Diana wasn’t dumb, she may be young but that didn’t mean she was stupid, she also knew her mother was sick, she didn’t knew why or when was she going the get better but she understood why her mother was always working in her room, either ways she was happy they could share this moments together, she is quite sure they would have a lots more memories to made.

*one year later*

“Diana dearie, come here please”

It was a summer evening when Lady Bernadette requested the presence of her beloved daughter, even though the sun was shining majestically on the outside of the manor Bernadette’s bedroom was cold

“Yes, mother?”

Diana was slightly confused, she didn’t know the reason her mother wanted to see her at this hour, and even more strange she didn’t understand why when she was going to her mother’s room the doctor who was attending her mother looked at her with sadness in his eyes

“Come sit here, I would like to make you a request”

The older woman was sitting on her bed, her back was laying on the top of the bed and while Diana was coming closer she started to have a coughing attack

“Mother! Are you alright!”

The younger Cavendish ran to her mother’s side to check if she was okey

“Don’t worry Diana, I’m quite alright”

Bernadette said with a forced smile in her face, gesture that Diana notice but didn’t mentioned

“What is your request, mother?”

Diana was now sitting in a chair at the left side of her mother’s bed, she was holding one of her weak hands with caution

“First of all I want to tell you that I love you my little princess, I’m proud of you Diana, be sure to remember that”

The woman said to her daughter with a real smile this time

“What are you saying mother? I’m sure you’ll be here to tell me that in the future”

The heiress said with a notable confusion and innocence

“I’m sure I’ll be, don’t I?”

A small bittersweet chuckle escape from her lips

“Anyways, dearie, I’m a little sleepy, would you sing for me?”

Bernadette asked to her daughter

“Of course, can I lie next to you?”

She said as she got of the chair she was sitting on

“Sure thing sweetheart, come lie with me”

First of all Diana helped her mother to lie down properly and then she put herself at her mother’s side holding her hand

“Dear Theodosia, what to say to you?

You have my eyes

You have your mother's name”

The blue eyed girl started to sing with her cute voice

“When you came into the world

You cried and it broke my heart”

Out of nowhere she felt a couple of tears forming in her eyes

“I'm dedicating every day to you

Domestic life was never quite my style

When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart

And I thought I was so smart”

Her mother was looking at her with tired eyes and a shining smile

“You will come of age with our young nation

We'll bleed and fight for you

We'll make it right for you”

The older woman started humming at the rhythm of the song

“If we lay a strong enough foundation

We'll pass it on to you

We'll give the world to you

And you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday

Yeah, you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday”

Bernadette started crying as she squeezed Diana’s hand

“Are you okay mom?”

Diana stopped her chanting

“Yeah dearie, please continue”

The Cavendish head said

“My father wasn't around”

Diana continued

“My father wasn’t around”

Bernadette sang the second line

“I swear that I'll be around for you”

They sang in unison, at this moment Diana was smiling too

“I'll do whatever it takes”

Diana was happy she was with her mother, she was the only person that really cared about her because she was Diana, not Diana Cavendish

“I'll make a million mistakes”

Bernadette knew this was the last time she would sing besides her daughter

“I'll make the world safe and sound for you”

They sang together again

“Will come of age with our young nation

We'll bleed and fight for you,

We'll make it right for you”

The song was about to end and Diana wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen.

When Diana was about to sing the last verse Bernadette stopped her with a single glance as she started singing that last and beautiful verse

“If we lay a strong enough foundation

We'll pass it on to you

We'll give the world to you

And you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday”

As the song was ending Bernadette’s voice started fading

“Come closer dearie”

She said with a cough, Diana did as she was said, she came closer to her mother which all of her strength took Diana’s hand with both of hers

“Yeah, you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday”

The strength in Bernadette’s grip was vanishing

“Thank you Diana”

Was the last thing she said before closing her eyes

“Mother?”

Diana’s heart was beating in fear

“Mother are you alright?”

She tried to move Bernadette’s body with no avail

“Mommy?”

Tears started streaming out of her young eyes, she touch her mother’s hand once again but it was cold

“Who I’ll blow you away if you are not here?”

She asked to the air.

That beautiful summer evening was the day Bernadette Cavendish left this world.

*nine year later (present day)*

It has been nine years since you passed away, a lot of things happened in those years, I got into Luna Nova (as I’ve told you before), I saved the academy a couple of times from bankruptcy, I met a lot of people, I even met my idol! Shiny Chariot was my astrology teacher, can you believe it?!

I also met Atsuko Kagari, an hyperactive girl obsessed with Chariot, the first day we met she literally claim she would be the best witch of all times, she said she would make people smile with her magic, at first I thought she was extremely naive and dumb in some sort of way, she couldn’t fly a broom and she thought she could be the greatest witch, what a joke!

But you know, as the time passed I realized she wasn’t bad at all, yeah she was too optimistic and an extremist but either ways she accomplished what I could never do, she even went to our house to get me back, she didn’t let me give up my studies and friends!

Also, apparently, she was the “chosen one”, that means she was the wielder of the Claiomh Solais, when I first discovered that fact I was little jealous of her, I couldn’t understand why she, a girl from a non witch family, could be the one to restore magic, but at the end I figured it out, her power was so raw and at the same time so beautiful, she can make any sad person smile, her mere presence is like having a star by your side, and when I finally understand that, I knew that it was real “A believing heart is your magic” when I finally get to understand her I knew those words were more than a catchphrase, because even at my worst moments her heart believed in me, she believed that I could be better, that I could face everything, and in those moments when I saw her eyes full of passion and her smile shining for me I felt the magic running through my veins.

Anyways, I will like to tell you more about her but I need to go, I’m sure you would have loved her if you could have met her.

-With love, Diana Cavendish

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“Let 's go Diana! We are going to be late!”

A girl with beautiful red eyes exclaimed to me while knocking my door with insistence

“I’m going Akko, let me take my hat”

I don’t know if I could blow everyone away by myself, but I know that this quirky girl sure blew my heart…

“Come on! The girls are waiting for us!”

Yeah, she doesn’t know yet but I’m sure she’ll be the next one to sing by my side...

————————

And here is the fifth day of the @dianakko-week ! For me this one was the most difficult one to write so I’ll be grateful of you gays (guys) give me your opinions.

Anyways, see y’all tomorrow!

This is the song used in this chapter: Here!

#lwa #little witch academia #atsuko kagari #diana cavendish #diakko #akko kagari #dianakko #dianakko week #hurt/comfort

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sodjehdhdhh · 5 years

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YouTuber!Steve where he’s a YouTube make up artist and he kinda like makes bomb looks while ranting about his life. One of the running jokes on his platform is that he’s gonna be single forever because he literally made a video ranting about how his perfect man has to be: “buff enough bench press me , rich enough to spoil me because I baby, kinky af to choke me without asking cause again I baby, has that bad boy aesthetic because daddy issues, facial hair cause why not, blue eyes because my brain is a weak-dumb-gay bitch and that’s it. How have I not run into a man like this?” Everyone tells him his standards are too high and laugh at him but he Iike “fuck y’all I’m gonna get that man.”

Then like for two weeks he doesn’t post and out of nowhere he drops a Video titled: “i told you shits I’ll get what i want and i did.” and it’s like trending or whatever. But basically in the video he says, “ Since I was a fetus, I was told ‘Steve you’ll never get a man! Your standards are to high. You want to much.’ And I almost believed that till...” he gets up and runs out of the room and mumbling is heard outside the camera before Steve comes back dragging Billy in to the shot, “...him. Please Billy let’s show everyone how perfect you are.”

“Whatever princess.”

“See, ‘Princess’. He gets it. Now Billy lift me.”

Billy does it without a word and Steve is losing his shit, “I’m not on the ground guys! Are you guys seeing this cause I’m losing my shit!”

“And check it,” Then Steve pulls out a ring with a rock that looks fucking huge, “this is only one part of a matching set. I mean a choker and earring guys, I can’t wear three at the same time because they’re that heavy!”

“Last but not least,” Steve ducks under the camera and brings out a leather jacket. Billy’s jacket to be precise. “do you know how expensive leather is? Do you know how dedicated you have to be to an aesthetic to spend hundreds on a jacket? Pinch me.”

“I’m so confused what happening.” Billy admits.

“I’m proving them wrong Billy. Roll with it,” Steve pouts before pressing a kiss to Billy’s cheek, “now the moral of this story is that you can do anything if you work hard and stay in school. Byyyyeee!!”

And that’s how Harringrove became such a huge part of the YouTube experience.

#billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #billy x steve #stranger things #harringrove au #harringrove headcanon

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wizardhecker · 4 years

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ollie’s book rec list

hey y’all i got libby this last year and its expanded my reading a bunch. I talked about what books I liked on twitter earlier but I wanted to move that over here. These books aren’t in order of preference, just when I read them. I’ll probably be updating this list throughout the year as well.

Stuff I loved:

Gideon the Ninth- Tamsyn Muir: Probably my favorite book from this year, I’m eagerly awaiting for the sequel. WAs everything I wanted in a book, witty and clever. Lesbian necromancer and buff swordgirl end up taking part in a contest that entangles them in murder and mysteries. Its sci-fi but not hard sci-fi and sticks mostly to one planet. I’m witholding judgement on the ending until I read the second book because I have some conflicting feelings about it. Tags: F/F romance, bones, so many bones, Sci-fi, mystery

Ancillary Justice - Ann Leckie: Told from the perspective of a ship AI that was once many different ancillaries. The story jumps back and forth between the present where she inhabits one body and the past to how that came to occur. It was super unique and engaging. I’ve seen this on a few lists for LGBT content which maybe there is in later books but that tag comes from the the ship AI being confused by gender since her language just uses “she/her” pronouns for everything. Therefor, yes technically any romances that occur are queer because every single character is referred to via she/her. I love language stuff like that though. Theres so many details that I was deeply fascinated by. Tags: sci fi, space politics, clones, unique perspective.

The Raven Tower - Ann Leckie: Similar to her other book above, she plays with storytelling and narrator perspective. This is from the perspective a god who is a giant rock and switches between past and present. It was a bit slow at first, as it is a rock telling the story, but its well worth it and the ending was so fulfilling. I REALLY enjoyed the world building, everything felt neatly crafted as piece by piece the machine comes together and turns slowly. The protagonist human is also explicitely trans. Tags: politics, fantasy, god wars, trans protagonist.

Swordspoint - Ellen Kushner: An older book, but focuses around the politics of a city where swordsmen fromt he lower city are hired to fight for the aristocrats in the higher city. Follows the best swordsman and his [insufferable] scholar boyfriend, but switches perspectives a lot. Its fun, I might reread it. Tags: heavy politics, aristocrat bullshit, M/M romance, swordfighting!

Kings of the Wild - Nicholas Eames: This book read Very much like someone’s first classic D&D campaign, for better or for worse. I Loved it because the heart, passion, and sincerety put into it was so palpable and it feels like a campaign where everyone comes in with goofy joke characters and then midway through they get Really into it and suddenly everyone’s crying because that joke backstory they made has implications. Its about a bunch of retired legendary old men adventurers who get called back for one more job - to rescue the leader’s daughter. Tags: Sad old men, good fathers, fantasy, gay wizard, tabletop inspired.

Bloody Rose - Nicholas Eames: The sequel to the previous book (though it could be read alone). It really goes into more depth and analyzes some of the previous worldbuilding more, pulling apart some of the problems in the world that were swept away previously. I liked it slightly less but its still very good. It follows a bard joining up with an adventuring band to fight a...dragon? Maybe. Tags: F/F romance, are monsters people, necromancy, dragons, fantasy.

The Golem and the Jinni - Helene Wecker: A newly made golem woman and a Djinn who was trapped for thousands of years both in up in New York City in 1900, and their paths eventually intertwine. Really amazing perspective of Jewish and Arab immigrant communities and cultures in NYC. Switches point of view through many characters in the communities who come in and out of their lives. Tags: Supernatural beings, urban fantasy, historical.

The Monster of Elendhaven - Jennifer Giesbrecht: Very short book I read in one sitting about terrible evil men doing terrible evil things. One of them is unkillable, the other one is sorcerer and theyre tied together through a dark fate to destroy the world. I was deeply into the mythology and the way everything wove together. You know I’m a sucker for weird god stuff and I was provided for. Uhh trigger warning for a lot of stuff here, graphic violence, sexual assault, etc. Tags: Evil stuff, magic, dark mythology and folklore, capitalism, revenge plots.

The Black God’s Drums - P. Djeli Clark: Another short one read in one sitting, set in an alternate post-civil war setting New Orleans where a girl has a Goddess of storms living inside her. Tags: alternate history, bi protagonist, gods and goddesses.

The Claidi Journals - Tanith Lee: So this was a reread of a kind of obscure series I read when I was a kid and I immensely enjoyed. Caveat that it is a young-adult series but it was such a fascinating and vibrant blend of fantasy magic and sci-fi, there’s little blend between the magic and technology of the realm. It’s about terrible families doing terrible things and the women who got accidentally caught up in it. It also has one of the most interesting women characters I’ve ever read who doesn’t even appear much in the books but whose legacy impacts every character. Tags: Science fantasy, aristocrat bullshit, bad moms, hetero but chill.

Mixed Feelings:

Uprooted - Naomi Novik: Reclusive wizard who holds an evil forest at bay takes on an apprentice girl who gets entangled in further politics of the nation. I got Really into the worldbuilding, plot, and writing of this book and it hooked me pulling me along. However I have a major frustration with it that really prevents me from putting it in the “loved” category. If I could edit out about 20 lines I’d have found it perfect. I know other folks who disagree with me though so I’ll still recomend it. Tags: wizards, nature magic, politics, grumpy tower wizard, unfortunately heterosexual.

Of Fire and Stars - Audrey Coulthurst: Lesbian princesses and arranged marriages uh oh. Ones a ranger jock the others a sorcerer. Its fine and cute, I wasn’t really happy with the antagonist reveal at the end though. Tags: Aristocrat bullshit, politics, F/F romance, arranged marriage angst, forbidden magic.

Wayward Son - Rainbow Rowell: I really enjoyed the first book of this series and found it a delightfully self-indulgent transparent Harry Potter derivation. That sort of falls apart in the second book where having to build off something that worked as a one-off just doesn’t extend to a more filled out story and left me feeling unsatisfied. But, once again, the world building is delightful and I’m charmed by the magic system and a British person’s opinion of America. Tags: M/M romance, magic, America!, roadtrip, vampires

The Last Sun - K.D. Edwards: Modern fantasy tarot inspired world building. The main character is the last remnant of the “Sun” house that was ripped apart in a terrible way. He has PTSD and is hired to find a missing man, along the way uncovering a deeper conspiracy involving his house and past. It was fine, its a good book. I just wasn’t into it that much. Also massive trigger warnings for sexual assault, torture, etc. Tags: M/M romance, mystery, gritty, magic.

Vicious - V.E. Schwab: I enjoyed it and it was a short quick read, but for some reason I’ve never been able to get into V.E. Schwab much. Not sure why. Man with power over pain is released from prison and seeks vengeance on his former friend who put him there - who is now a superhero, and adopts a young girl necromancer in the process. Tags: villains, everyone is evil, superpowers, modern, necromancy, unwilling father figure

The City Stained Red - Sam Sykes: I really just started skimming while reading this one tbh. Trash man swordfighter and his disfunctional adventuring party trying to collect their payment in a terrible city. It felt like someone’s D&D campaign but in the worst way where everyone is an edgelord dark backstory. I honestly didn’t like a single character. But, that’s fine it just wasn’t for me. I see this get put on lists for having a bi-character. Which I guess technically but I wasn’t a huge fan of how that became relevant. Tags: tabletop inspired but insecure about it, gritty, terrible city, terrible people, bi protagonist

#i also read a bunch of stuff i hated and almost put on here to warn folks away #just get a goodreads account olivia #books #lgbt books #ill talk about any of these in further depth #gideon the ninth #claidi journals #if youve read the claidi journals please talk to me about them

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takaraphoenix · 4 years

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Disney for the ask game

Thanks for playing! I’m gonna go ahead and assume animated movies only. xD”

Top 5 favourite characters: Aurora, Fa Mulan, Flynn Rider, Hades, Hiro Hamada

Other characters you like: Marie (Aristocats), Bagheera, Tod (The Fox and th Hound), Tinkerbell, Judy Hopps

Least favourite characters:E L S A

Otps: Maleficent/Aurora, Shere Khan/Bagheera, Moana Waialiki/Merida, Fa Mulan/Aurora, Copper/Tod (The Fox and the Hound), Eugene Fitzherbert/Rapunzel, Tarzan/Jane, Tiana/Charlotte LaBouff

Notps: Jack Frost/Elsa, Nick Wilde/Judy Hopps, honestly probably a lot of others too but nothing I can think of right now or may not even be aware of - though generally, I am very on board with canon Disney ships, surprisingly enough

Favourite friendships: Tiana and Charlotte are great, I love Bagheera and Baloo, Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps too!

Favourite family: Clearly the found family of Lilo & Stitch - Nani, Lilo, Stitch, David, Jumba and Pleakley!

Favourite episodes: mmmh doesn’t really apply here

Favourite season/book/movie: damn, you can’t just ask my favorite. When it comes to Disney movies, it’s more of a tie than a clear Top Five that can be sorted, because all are equally good to me, in different aspects. Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Lilo & Stitch and Hercules

Favourite quotes:sooo not a quotes kinda gal

Best musical moment: ...why would you do this to me? *distressed sounds* Okay, so, this doesn’t ask best musical number but best musical moment. Now, do bear in mind that I’m German and watch these movies in German. So do not ask me what the English names of things are. But Hercules when Hercules had that moment of wanting to prove himself, like that song was the antheme of my childhood, I still feel that song vibrating in my heart. There are a whole lot of strong, good musical moments in the long history of Disney movies, but this one is just so very dear to me and speaks to me hard...

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: I MEAN SHIT CLEARLY WHEN ALL OF CHINA KNELT BEFORE MULAN LIKE, THAT IS THE BEST

When it really disappointed you:when they said “fuck creativity, gimme that nostalgia money” and dialed back on original movies in favor of lame shallow live-action remakes of animated classics YOU CAN STILL WATCH. You can LITERALLY just put that Cinderella in and watch it, no need for that horrendous remake (I swear, these fucking hyper-realistic mice with those gigantic cartoon eyes are terrifying and were a not good decision)

Saddest moment: Mufasa’s death, hands down

Most well done character death:...Mufasa’s death, hands down xD”

Favourite guest star: yeah no this is asking too much of me and let’s be real this is gonna be useless to y’all non-Germans even if I know the answer xD

Favourite cast member: seriously I am not good with voice actors and remembering names of those; actors, when I actually get to see faces, sure, but voice-actors...

Character you wish was still alive: SO MANY MOTHERS. Seriously, they killed off so many moms to have Single Dads take care of their daughters... -_-

One thing you hope really happens: I wished they would go back to making fairy tale adaptations. But... I mean ACTUAL adaptations. Not that shit they pulled with Frozen where they took the Snow Queen out of The Snow Queen and literally only kept that one around and changed EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of the story. And it’s not even the first offender; Tangled had barely anything to do with Rapunzel at all. Princess and the Frog was at least up-front about it with the book and the comparison. But let’s... let’s go back to when Disney actually adapted fairy tales and gave half a shit about said fairy tales? Because otherwise, you could just make ORIGINAL MOVIES! :D”““

Most shocking twist: uuuuuuuuuh I got nothing

When did you start watching/reading?: I mean... when I was a tiny kiddo? xD

Best animal/creature: Bagheera! *^*

Favourite location: Atlantica?

Trope you wish they would stop using: killed off mom :D”

One thing this show/book/film does better than others:I does great story-telling usually and it’s beautiful animation most of the time?

Funniest moments: there are a lot; I don’t really have a favorite

Couple you would like to see: I... I am past the point of wanting to see a gay Disney couple, tbh. They showed how little they care about the community and how cringey and offensive their version of ““representation”“ is so... I got nothing

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: again; would be useless to you and I don’t really know anyway xD”

Favourite outfit: AURORA’S DRESS *^*

Favourite item: uuuhm Triton’s trident?

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: lol too many things, yes xD” I have a large variety of Disney figures! ^-^

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: I would be a Flounder-like fearful sidekick xD

Most boring plotline: recent sequels - Incredibles 2 and Finding Dory - because old sequels sure were cringey and weird but shit happened. These new sequels are literally just the exact same shit reheated... =_=

Most laughably bad moment:Pocahontas II going “you know what this needs? This needs a sequel where she goes to England to fall in love with a whole different male character and forcibly try to be an English Lady!”... It was so cringey that the thought someone thought this was a good idea is downright funny??

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: Let’s translate that to prequel/sequel, okay? Then I’d go with Rescuers Down Under - I love that movie. The only case of “sequel is actually better than OG movie”

Most layered character: This may actually be asking too much, tbh. There are just too many characters to judge that...

Most one dimensional character: Probably a whole lot, considering how many characters there ARE...

Scariest moment: the whole entire fucking Nightmare Before Christmas. Damn that thing haunted me for months and I watched it for the first time when I was sixteen (...it’s mainly because stopmotion is my absolute Kryptonite...)

Grossest moment: Fart jokes

Best looking male: Eugene Fitzherbert? xD

Best looking female: Maleficent! *^*

Who you’re crushing on (if any): I mean. Maleficent. But please do note ANIMATED NOT THAT SHITTY CRAP REMAKE. Not because Angelina Joulie isn’t absolutely gorgeous but THEY DIDN’T EVEN GIVE HER GREEN SKIN

Favourite cast moment: Don’t know any of that ^^°

Favourite transportation: The flying carpet?

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): The opening of The Lion King is so incredibly stunning *^*

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you:oh Frozen left me with a lot of those. But definitely not enough to put myself through that sequel and also that shit shoulda been explained in the first movie so there is that :D”

Best promo: ahahaha *weeping* when they claimed that Maleficent was going to take my favorite villainess and give her the Wicked treatment. You... You REALLY had me fooled there and got my cinema going money to see that pathetic excuse of a “woman was abused by man and turns evil” crap like holy shit this has nothing to do with Wicked get that away from me, Mal had SO MUCH potential and you did nothing with it ;-;

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: I mean, as a little kid. Probably around The Lion King?

IN DEPTH FANDOM QUESTIONS

#Disney #In-Depth Fandom Ask Game #send me asks #elements1999

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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hetaces · 5 years

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@whatsnew-lgbtq‘s 31 days of pride day 9!! i know I haven’t been doing ‘em all but that’s okay.

day 9: books

so books are my area of expertise honestly so I picked a few favorites to talk about a lil bit here (I’ll put it under a cut).

And feel free to ask me about more books because I’m Like That.

These are all ownvoices in at least one way. Ownvoices rep will be italicized in the list.

Highly Illogical Behavior by John Corey Whaley When you hear what this book is about, it sounds really bad. Like “Girl decides to ‘fix’ agoraphobic gay boy and her boyfriend gets ~close~ with him” is essentially what the synopsis says. It sets it up for every bad trope. And then uses none of them. It’s so good, has great portrayal of good accommodations, healthy friendship, and a bunch of Star Trek references. Representation: Sol is gay and agoraphobic

Heart of Iron by Ashley Poston Don’t look up the synopsis yourself, go right to goodreads (i’d link but you know how tumblr is with links), some of the synopses that come up automatically start with a “it’s like [story] in space” and it’s a spoiler. I’ll put the first part of it here bc it’s hard to get the words. Seventeen-year-old Ana is a scoundrel by nurture and an outlaw by nature. Found as a child drifting through space with a sentient android called D09, Ana was saved by a fearsome space captain and the grizzled crew she now calls family. But D09—one of the last remaining illegal Metals—has been glitching, and Ana will stop at nothing to find a way to fix him. Representation: Ana is written as acespec (not Super clear but it was the intent) Captain Siege is a lesbian. Telle is a lesbian. Robb is gay. Jax is gay.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee So, there’s a lot of hype around Gentleman’s Guide and I was sort of expecting to be let down, but it more than lived up to it. Henry "Monty" Montague is going on his Tour of the continent (travel around Europe and have fun one last time, is the idea). Chaotic disaster bisexual Monty causes trouble, of course. So then on the way to dropping his sister off at finishing school before returning home early, they get attacked. Because Monty is a dumbass (it’s actually his fault). Cue rich kids travelling with no money & trying to avoid a growing number of people. Mackenzi Lee has hit the nail on the head with growth. Not only does she get that sometimes, growth does happen because of one moment of learning, she also writes it well, which is a really difficult thing to write. There’s a lot of heavy stuff in it, but none of it was thrown in for no reason, it’s actually important to the books and to the characters. Representation: Monty is bi, has PTSD, and (at the end of the first book, so spoilers) deaf on one side Percy is mixed, mlm, and (you find out part way through so if you’re picky about it it could be spoilers), epileptic. Felicity is aroace. Many other characters who aren’t white and a wlw character in the second book.

I Wish You All The Best by Mason Deaver After Ben comes out to their parents, things don’t exactly go well. They get kicked out, and have to go live with their sister who they haven’t seen in 10 years. They start over at a new school, only out to their sister, her husband, and their therapist (because hey, look how well coming out went last time). This book is so damn cute. And a book with a nonbinary main character! Representation: Ben is nonbinary Nathan is bisexual and black

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire Think Narnia, but with more worlds and less religion and you've got the concept of the doorways. Children have always been disappearing - going through a door that's appeared to them. But magic worlds rarely have use for used up miracle children. So they're sent back. But they don't come back the same. The children at Elanor West's Home for Wayward Children have all tumbled once. And they all want to get back. But with Nancy's arrival, things start going wrong. Representation: Nancy is asexual Jack is pan and has OCD Kade is a trans guy Sumi is bi (Seanan McGuire is a queer cis woman)

You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman Ariel Stone is a perfect student: he’s a community volunteer, first chair violin, and is on track to be valedictorian. And then he fails a calc test. When he finds he can’t fix it himself, he reluctantly gets a tutor. And he may not like calc, but he might like Amir. I started recommending this book to people when I was 5 pages into it. Ariel is so explicitly Jewish that Laura Silverman put her grandmother’s matzo ball soup recipe in the back because it’s not fair to rave about it so much and not provide a recipe. He’s explicitly bisexual by page 8. Amir and Sook’s eyes are both described as “warm” and I honestly think it’s the first time I’ve seen characters of color’s eyes described as anything but “dark”. Representation: Ariel is bisexual and Jewish Amir is a gay Pakistani Muslim Sook is a chubby Korean lesbian

The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried by Shaun David Hutchinson Shaun is back with more “so... the world might be ending?” and I absolutely love it. Dino’s ex-best-friend July died suddenly 4 days ago, and his family runs the funeral home. Dino is touching up July’s makeup (he knows how she wore it and everyone was doing it wrong), and she wakes up. But she’s not exactly... alive. She’s just not-dead. And then... other people just stop dying. So they have to figure out what’s happening. How July came back - or at least how to re-kill her when nobody can die. So not only is it a super interesting book, it’s also like... Shaun goes in on topics like “gay people making gay jokes and straight people making gay jokes are different” and “a cis guy might (might) not mind if you call him a girl, but do not call a trans guy a girl” Also I recommend anything by Shaun David Hutchinson. Representation: Dino is gay Rafi is trans, mlm, and mixed (white/Pakistani) Multiple LGBTQ+ minor characters

On The Edge of Gone by Corinne Duyvis It’s an end-of-the-world type book (via comet strike). Due to strange circumstances, Denise and her mother end up not at their government assigned shelter, but on a generation ship. And Denise has just a few days to find her sister and prove that her skills are worth 3 spots on a ship with limited resources. Representation: Denise is mixed (Surinamese/white) and autistic Iris is mixed (Surinamese/white) and a bi trans woman. Els is wlw. Leyla is wlw. Samira and Nordin are Muslim Some minor characters.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman I’m just gonna give y’all the actual synopsis this time

You probably think that Aled Last and I are going to fall in love or something. Since he is a boy and I am a girl. I just wanted to say—we don’t. Frances Janvier spends most of her time studying. When she’s not studying, she’s up in her room making fan art for her favorite podcast, Universe City. Everyone knows Aled Last as that quiet boy who gets straight As. But no one knows he’s the creator of Universe City, who goes by the name Radio Silence. When Frances gets a message from Radio Silence asking if she’ll collaborate with him, everything changes. Frances and Aled spend an entire summer working together and becoming best friends. They get each other when no one else does. But when Aled’s identity as Radio Silence is revealed, Frances fears that the future of Universe City—and their friendship—is at risk. Aled helped her find her voice. Without him, will she have the courage to show the world who she really is? Or will she be met with radio silence?

This book is so good but fair warning, it gets really heavy.

Representation: Aled is demisexual (Alice is queer/aroace) Frances is bi and mixed (white/Ethiopian) Daniel is gay and Korean Carys is a lesbian Raine is pan, Indian, and Hindu

Otherbound by Corinne Duyvis Otherbound is set in two worlds - Nolan’s (ours) and Amara’s (the Dunelands, where magic is real). Amara is on the run with the former princess, Cilla, whose family was overthrown by the ministers. Cilla has been cursed and is being hunted, and Amara’s particular type of healing magic is, basically, convenient for redirecting Cilla’s curse. Since they were children, Nolan has been experiencing Amara’s world through her every time he closes his eyes. He sees through her eyes, feels what she feels, smells what she smells. But he’s just a silent observer. She doesn’t even know he’s there. Until now. Representation: Nolan is Mexica and disabled Amara is not white, mute (due to mutilation), and bi Cilla is not white, fat, and a lesbian The majority of other characters are also not white.

#books #whatsnewpride #i am both very sorry for the length of this post #and absolutely not sorry at all

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henrik-von-schneeplestein · 5 years

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Hewwo. You mentioned liking certain albums and songs for the jse egos and ships, what about for the Sander's sides? 👀 Are there any songs you like for certain ships you like? ❣️

HFJDHGJG YEPPP! Not quite as many, just bc I’m new to the fandom but I definitely have thoughts!

Before y’all who are annoyed with me ranting about Taylor jump ship:

-”Pioneer” by The Band Perry is SUCH a good Roman song omg just the softest song about the creative spirit & bravery

-”Lovefool” by the Cardigans is... Deceit’s karaoke song. I have no rationale or defense for this statement whatsoever it just came up on shuffle the other day and I for some reason could picture him singing it perfectly and now I can’t let it go. Roman’s karaoke song is probably like “Any Man of Mine” by Shania Twain. Idk what the other sides’ go-to karaoke songs are but PLEASE lmk what y’all think bc I wanna know

Anyway Taylor time. People w/ bad taste in music you’re free to go now. Have a nice night and please don’t unfollow me

Roman is both the side I think would most be a fan on Taylor and also who has the most Taylor songs that remind me of him.

“White Horse” is definitely a Roman song. Like just change the gender (from ‘princess’ to ‘prince’) and it fits perfectly - a “dreamer” who has the beautiful, romantic fantasies they believe in challenged and emerges stronger but still believing in all those wonderful things... catch me crying

“Starlight” is the other song that has strong Roman vibes to me again bc of the ‘dream impossible dreams’ thing & another ref to a prince (and a ‘duchess’ ((duke)) but it def feels more roman than remus to me). Could definitely be a prinxiety song given the second verse: He said, “look at you, worrying too much about things you can’t change. You’ll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way.” He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me, “don’t you see the starlight? Don’t you dream impossible things?”

Honestly the whole Red album has Roman vibes to me which makes sense assuming his color is red for the same reason she chose that title: bc it symbolizes passion. It really specifically reminds me of him in the ‘Moving On’ videos - him having a hard time letting go of a relationship but ultimately realizing it must be done strongly reminded me of “Red” (the song), “I Almost Do,” and “All Too Well”

LOVES “Wonderland” bc it’s gay uhhh Disney references no but he’d be all over that ‘too in love to think straight’ pun.... and the sheer DRAMA of writing your ex’s fucking TUMBLR URL into a song

“Love Story” and “Today Was a Fairytale” need I say more

Virgil is definitely AT LEAST a Speak Now stan - some of you are too young to remember it and some of you are still too salty to acknowledge it but from like 2008-2011 especially there was the Emo Swiftie phenomenon where a bunch of us very edgy emo kids who liked Panic! & MCR were also Taylor fans. Like she wasn’t considered emo at all but she had the same lyricism & theatricality, and the rampant slutshaming didn’t really start until 2012 so it wasn’t nearly as uncool to like her. So yeah Virgil’s been a secret passenger on the Taylor train for a while

He’s SUPER unwilling to admit it at first but as soon as Roman figures it out they bond & talk about their fav songs

emo boy is most definitely a “Haunted” stan

All I WANT is Virgil in the famous purple Speak Now tour dress and if I had a shred of artistic talent him in that dress under the glowing tree would be the first thing I drew

“Out of the Woods” is a Virgil song - Taylor literally said that the main feeling she was trying to capture is anxiety (x). I would also like to see Virgil in the OOTW music video. Give my baby some WOLVES.

“The Archer” is very literally about anxiety & imposter syndrome I don’t think I need to defend that being a Virgil song

“Afterglow” and “Delicate” belong on any ship playlist involving Virgil

Someone sing “Innocent” to this boy immediately

My favorite Virgil song actually isn’t “The Archer” even though that’s the most obvious - I think “Daylight” is the best one. He’s wounded the good & he’s trusted the wicked y’all!!! But it’s brighter now!!!! I love him!!!!!

With Deceit I see the obvious comparison to “Look What You Made Me Do” and it works pretty well but I think the best Deceit song is def “I Did Something Bad” - ‘for every lie I tell them they tell me three’ ‘this is how the world works; you gotta leave before you get left.’ Also my position just in general is that IDSB is the Distinguished Gay Villain Song & LWYMMD is the Disaster Gay Villain Song.

That said, the only reason Deceit’s never done the traditional Rise Into Frame is to keep me specifically from making a joke about Karyn rising out of the stage during LWYMMD (x) - it’s true my cousin’s best friend’s uncle was an extra in the Sanders Sides he played Roman’s sword

Deceit’s real name is Karyn I cracked it y’all

Also it makes me really excited that the LWYMMD tour outfit is kinda similar to Deceit’s. Something about having the initials TS just makes you go ‘snake time’ and put on a black cape/shirt/jacket thing with yellow/gold accents I guess

“End Game” is a Remus/Deceit song - ‘you like the bad ones, too’ = they’re both dark sides, “you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks so here’s the truth from my red lips” = Deceit

“New Romantics” is just like ‘let’s lie our way through society’ so

Remus really reminds me of the swift fandom itself and idk what else to say about that bc if you’ve never been in that fandom I don’t know how to explain it to you and if you’ve been in that fandom for even 5 minutes you don’t need me to explain it to you

ME! is such a Remus song!! ‘I know that I’m a handful, baby, UH! I know I never think before I jump’ & ‘I would never bore you baby;’ also ‘like a rainbow with all of the colors’ reminds me of Remus saying ‘if you want the spectrum A-Z then you’ll need a little help from ME!” AND the song tends to get stuck in your head (or it does for me anyway) - kind of Remus’s M.O.

We already know he likes “Shake It Off” lol

Those of y’all who are horny for Remus and I know you’re out there.... “False God” is the song for you

could also be Remus/Deceit - Remus does use Deceit as the serpent in the Garden of Eden after all

Patton is just all the soft love songs lbr. “Stay Stay Stay,” “Paper Rings,” “Our Song,”etc. Also “Never Grow Up” and “Fifteen” and bc he’s nostalgic but also a father w/ good advice.

OK before I do Logan songs I just gotta tell you I was listening to “Tim McGraw” recently and my mind went “he said the way my blue eyes shined put those Georgia stars to shame that night; I said ‘FALSEHOOD’” but anyway

“New Year’s Day” - the references to books/pages fits and also the sort of comforting vibe that Logan can have; it’s a more realistic view of love about how there’s no way to know for sure what’s going to happen but knowing that you’re in it even for the worst

“I Think He Knows” belongs on the playlist for any ship involving Logan

He’d love “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” but when she’s like ‘where are the wise men?’ he’d be like ‘I’m right here beech’

And with that, I think I need to be done for now lol. Thank you so much for asking & letting me dump all this here. I love you!!!!

#asks #anon #long post

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prompts-andshit · 5 years

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Voltron + Klance HCs

Keith accidentally said y’all once, now everyone says it

- Pidge said y’all’d’ve in a sentence and Lance wheezed so hard he had to be sent to a pod

Lance and Keith practice using their swords in brawls

- The first time Lance won, Keith was in shock and didn’t recover for a day

Annual sleepovers. Couches are filled with blankets and pillows and everyone is screaming

- Pidge falls asleep on Hunk’s shoulder and they all die because it’s adorable

- Lance finally convinces Keith to join. Only Hunk agrees to wear a face mask.

When Keith growls in frustration, Hunk, Lance and Pidge all sing in unison: “THIS HIT THAT ICE COLD MICHELLE PFEIFFER THAT WHITE GOLD”

Lance was sitting down, cleaning his sword when Keith just. Sat behind him and rested his head on his shoulder.

-Shiro saw them in the distance and smiled fondly while Pidge yelled with a Scottish accent: “DISGUSTANG!”

When they finish a mission Pidge just whispers: “can I get huhyuh”

- Lance, speeding past in his lion: “HUUUUUUUUUHYEEEEEUUUHHH”

Lance and Hunk make milkshakes for everyone after a hard battle, Allura is a happy princess

Allura brings the fucking heat in arm wrestling matches (I wrote this pre-s8, valid)

- Shiro shivers in fear. His metal arm hasn’t recovered from its loss.

Keith discovered that Lance does push ups and sit ups shirtless and just bangs his head against the wall everytime he thinks about it.

- Pidge and Shiro are the only ones who know and once pissed themselves laughing when Keith got up from the dinner table and almost gave himself a concussion

Hunk started tickling Keith and made him laugh harder then any of them have ever seen. Lance actually started crying and no one has been the same since

Keith’s room is freezing at times. He opens the door one night to see Lance’s jacket on the floor.

- He accidentally wore it to breakfast, and Allura just smacked her hand over Coran’s mouth when he was about to point it out

Hunk kicks ass in battle and everyone just cheers him on so hard

- Pidge is sitting on Keith’s shoulders, Lance and Shiro hold up Hunk as they all scream: “FEAR THE YELLOW PALADIN”

- My beautiful boy starts blushing and feels so content

It becomes routine for Lance to train when he’s upset because he doesn’t want to complain to anyone

- Hunk, Pidge, Allura, Shiro and Coran all take notice and try to cheer them up in their own ways

- Keith is just so damn clueless, he walked in on Lance frustratingly trying to shoot in a simulation. So he just trains with him. Giving him advice and joking around made Lance feel so much better

While helping out a planet in need, everyone watches as Allura talks to town folk when they hear some alien make a gross comment about her. Shiro holds back Lance, who’s sword was at the ready

- Lance backs off, but Shiro just fires up his arm and goes IN

- Allura stepped in before getting the last punch. She didn’t even know what was going on she just wanted to join in

(note: I wrote this before season 7 so this valid now) Lance starts a game of Pictionary. Bad mistake.

- Lance, after losing: “what band was that???”

Keith: “BRING ME THE MOTHERFUCKING HORIZON, LANCE.”

Everyone is in on the “casually calling Lotor a ridiculous version of his name” joke

- Shiro: “Someone call Prince Lottie.”

Pidge: “Where’s Lothot?”

Lance: “Allura and Prince Lotion are

on a mission.”

Hunk: “Loturd still has Shiro’s bayard.”

Keith: “Fuck off Lotwhore.”

Lance, feeding food goo to the mice while simultaneously sending memes to pidge on his phone: “I don’t know Hunk. Maybe my relationship with my father is holding me back from falling in love-“

Pidge mentioned hide and seek once and Coran convinces everyone to play a round.

- Keith and Pidge run into each other in the vents. Both give a discreet nod and shuffle past each other.

- Allura found everyone, holding Shiro above her head after she pulled him out the black lion cockpit

- Lance was the last one left. Having tons of younger siblings came in handy as he wasn’t found for the next two hours

- He was hiding in blue’s mouth

You bet your fucking ass they recreate vines and memes

-Lance, one arm around Keith: COUNTRY BOY, I LOOOVE YOUUUU

-Lance and Pidge collecting coins in the fountain at the space mall: I don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets

-Pidge when Hunk is single modulating: that is not correct. because according to the encyclopedia of-

-Keith, Pidge, Hunk and Lance to Shiro: you are my daaad (you’re my dad!)

-Lance and Keith are straight up making out, Shiro: What’s better than this? Guys being dudes.

-Pidge and Hunk looking at the security cameras and seeing Keith and Lance at the pool: TWO BROS, CHILLING IN THE HOT TUB, 0 FEET APART ‘CAUSE THEY ARE GAY

-Keith while voltron is going back to the castle: GIVE ME MY HELMET BACK PIDGE WE ARE GOING TO SEE UNCLE CORAN

-Lance to Lotor after finding out he’s a traitor: Don’t make me say it. I don’t care that you broke your shoulder.

-Pidge after the group leaves Lotor for dead: Lance this is so sad play Despacito

Lance, a bilingual and guitar player: *pulls guitar out of nowhere*

- Keith: Who ate my leftovers?

Hunk: *mouth full of food* Who ate my best friend’s ass?

#klance #heith #voltron #voltron legendary defender #klance headcanons #klance hcs #voltron hc #voltron headcanons

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docholligay · 6 years

Text

The Grand Complication

Hey everyone! This is the Sequel to We Know The Devil, commissioned on Patreon! It’s 7,600 words, and I hope y’all enjoy it--I HAVE BEEN STARING AT IT A LONG TIME.

Dying was like getting on a ship, unsteady and awkward, unfamiliar and strange. She drifted further and further from the dock in dips and waves, and the faces she knew so well grew more faded and harder to define, the sounds of their voices blending into the white noise of whatever came after, brighter and brighter white surrounding her, the wobble giving way to a gentle soothing, rock, until the pain itself left her, an unwanted rope tying her to shore.

She gave one last look at the distant, dim line that made up her life, let the last gust fill the sails of whatever came after, pointed her eyes to that steadfast star, and died.

_______

“I could promise her again and again, hour after hour, that I would never do such a thing again.” She looked out the window, where a pair of birds fluttered together, mockingly in love, “But it would be a lie, I am very nearly sure of it. Even if I did not wish it to be.”

Rei fiddled uncomfortably with her cup of tea, the loose splinters of the leaves whirling like smoke in the bottom of her mug, and she begged the fire and the tea leaves and every method of divination she knew to give her an answer to her own feelings. She hated Michiru. She loved Michiru. Michiru could have killed Usagi. Michiru was a victim of her own loves, just as Usagi. Michiru didn’t care about her duty. Michiru had nearly died saving the commander she loathed. She wanted Haruka to continue to spurn Michiru. She wanted Michiru to know the light of Haruka’s love.

Michiru seemed smaller, somehow--she was never, in truth, large, but her bearing had filled a space as such that one barely noticed the delicacy of her features, the brevity of her height--as if when Haruka had withdrawn from her, she had shrunk into herself, a vast universe imploding. As she sat up weakly in her bed, she looked every inch the small and sorrowful society princess she must always have been.

Michiru leaving Haruka had made them friends, years ago, when they were young and Michiru had tried to spit in the eye of fate the only way she knew how. But they were no longer young, and anger, not love, had separated Haruka and Michiru, and their friendship, if it could be called that anymore, felt as fragile as it had in that cautious beginning.

Michiru looked at the ring on her finger. “She hasn’t been by to see me.”

She doesn’t know what to say. I don’t know what to say.

Michiru gave a half-smile. “It was easier, when I was simply the villain of the tale, was it not?”

“She just doesn’t know what to say.” Rei admitted to the easier half of the thought.

Michiru shook her head. “She will never forgive me. She is a woman of some principle.” She took a sip of her tea. “You will never forgive me.”

Rei wrinkled her nose, insulted. She wasn’t even certain what Michiru had said was wrong, but she didn’t appreciate being told her own mind.

“Usagi forgives you.” She said, scowling at Michiru, as if that settled the question entirely.

“Ever my consolation,” Michiru laughed bitterly, looking back to Rei, “I still dream of her, you know. Small things, sometimes. Still with the gift, if we may call it that. MInako’s disapproval could not take that from me even if she’d wished it.”

Rei tried to tell her that she saw things too, though her gift was so much tighter in, so much closer than Michiru’s. Mina had once joked that Rei was nearsighted and Michiru was farsighted, and neither of them were that useful.

She saw Haruka thinking about buying flowers and coming to the house, she saw Haruka thinking about moving to the other end of the country, she saw Haruka putting her ring back on, she saw Haruka setting up a dating profile. She was a soup of emotion whose ingredients changed daily, and every night since Michiru had saved Mina in the woods Rei had tasted it on her tongue, Haruka’s soul crying out to know her own heart.

She opened her mouth to say something, but Michiru interrupted her.

“Yes, she is rather a melange of emotion and action lately, isn’t she?” She picked at her silk robe. “I see it too. I see her with some other girl, pinker in the cheek and quicker with a smile than I have ever been. I see her lying cold on the rocks of a battlefield. I see her broken and healed, with our children, laughing. We’re happy in odd circumstances. That, I am not ashamed to note, is my favorite.” She turned away from Rei. “It is the rarest, of course.”

“She just doesn’t know what to say.” Is all Rei replied.

______

“There are monsters in the deep,” her nanny said, though she did not mean it to be threatening, the smile on her face betrayed. She was only teasing in the way she often teased Michiru gently, knelt by her side at the edge of the yacht.

She wrinkled her nose at her nanny as she giggled, holding her doll a little tighter and coming in for a hug, her arms wrapped tightly, the candy-warm scent of her filling every space in her mind.

There was a tear from the ocean, spray rising up as a darkness slipped into the sun, the sheer size of it blocking the sun and casting Michiru into shadow. Its tentacles, formless and coiling as smoke, wrapped around her nanny and threw her into its gaping maw as Michiru screamed and cried, it’s only response to take her doll and cast it into the sea.

She ran, screaming, around the yacht, but there was no one, and nothing, only her, and as she tripped she skinned her knee on the ground, just peeling away that first terrible layer of skin. Just enough to cause the most pain.

Her eyes widened as the creature’s tentacles surrounded her, whirling into a tornado around her, and then a tendril landed on her shoulder, fire deep from the sea branding into her, and felt the skin blister under its hot unending burn.

The salt was from the sea, and the sea was her, and she felt the salt of her own spray trickle past her lips, and a cheerful smiling crescent moon rise in angered red on her back.

______

“You look like shit,” Mina scoffed, ignoring that she could barely sit up half the time, “Maybe try sleeping more than three hours.”

Haruka shrugged. “How am I supposed to sleep when I’m taking care of you?”

Mina scoffed. “Don’t blame me for the bags under your stupid gay eyes. You fell asleep next to me yesterday afternoon.”

“So? A nap is--”

“While lunch was on the stove.”

Haruka sighed and sat down on the side of the bed in a defeated flop and shrugged again. “Sorry.”

Haruka was one of the simplest and most complicated creatures Mina had ever known, a woman of contradictions. It was easy to tell how she felt, but hard to respond to it. She craved love and comfort and rejected it the instant it was given, pulling herself back in her too-small shell. Mina had, over the years, gained some manner of trust with her, but still felt as if she were moving slowly toward a deer about to bolt, emotionally creeping inch by inch.

And so, she could not simply say what she meant, that she hadn’t woken Haruka up because she cared if the ramen burned for hours. That she’d wanted to let her rest and sleep, and let it burn. That she’d woken Haruka up because she was crying, and that she’d pretended not to notice when Haruka turned away quickly.

“I’m not mad, Haruka, I’m…” she carefully selected the word, her voice soft and cautious in a way it rarely was, “worried, about you. You’ve had a tough year.”

“Yeah.” She looked at her hand, the scarred line of bright white where her ring used to be faded now, nearly blended into the skin, but let the word stand as her only reply.

Haruka flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, as Mina patted her temple with the edge of her toe.

“I had a dream last night,” Haruka said to the white open possibility of the ceiling, “I mean I know my dreams don’t mean anything, I’m not Mi--Rei. I’m not like Rei.”

“What was it?” MIna said cautiously.

It was true that Haruka was no Seer, but it was also true that Michiru was a traitor who had saved Mina’s life, and it was also true the Usagi was a Queen who could not rule, so Haruka having a glimpse of what the world might be would no longer surprise her.

“I dreamed I died,” she continued to stare up at the ceiling, her eyes hazily following the long crack in the old plaster, “but it didn’t help.”

“Why the fuck would you dying ever help anything?” Mina snapped like a turtle, annoyed and surprisingly hurt at Haruka’s surprise that her death would not be largely beneficial. The jerk of it made a wild sting run through her body that mellowed into an ache, like the whip of a lash, and she laid back on the pillow.

Haruka sighed. “Like…” she struggled to articulate, struggled to decide if she wanted to articulate at all, and closed her eyes, sighing and turning her head away from Mina, “everyone was still the same.”

Mina sat for a moment with her thoughts, trying to figure out how to tell Haruka what she knew. Michiru. You mean Michiru. You mean that you being dead didn’t make her any more loyal to the crown. She was conscripted, and she’ll never really be a believer.

“I don’t think you dying is the answer.” She offered. “I think people are just people.”

“Then what’s the answer?” Haruka asked, as if her death had been the only sure thing that she could count on to repair the world.

“Maybe there is none. Sometimes there’s not.” Mina shook her head. “People are just the way they are,” her voice grated with a touch of anger, like a match against the side of the box, “you can’t change a bad person.”

“Yeah.” Haruka nodded, her head bobbing like a boat on the sea, “Yeah.”

____

There was fire everywhere, different colors twisting and burning, the scents and smokes surrounding her. All of it was ash and smoke, consumed.

Mina fell to her knees, trying to find the entrance, feeling along the too-hot floor desperately, hoping for any escape from the heat that oppressed her and entered her lungs, burning her from the inside.

There had to be a way. Had to be.

Glass shattered against the rising temperatures, and a photograph came fluttering down, catching fire as it did so, the edges of the photograph blackened and beginning to eat toward the people in the picture, who waited with smiles on their faces to be destroyed.

An old wedding picture. With all of them there. Usagi’s tears still dripping down her face, even as the ceremony was over. Mina’s bright turquoise bow, changed for the occasion. Rei still clutching the bouquet she had certainly not meant to catch.

She heard a crunch and looked up, hoping the door had given way, but saw only a leg in front of her, stepping forward and crushing the photograph into ash.

She looked up and saw her own smiling face, a lit match held in her hand.

____

It was a place far away from everyone, and for that reason, Rei never told anyone about it. It was a secret part of her heart and her story and most of all, in this moment, her mind. It whirled and twisted, smoke in a glass globe writing words and erasing them immediately, a language impossible to translate.

She had always looked for clarity up here, where the world seemed more readable, further at a distance. Sometimes her powers were too close, like pressing your nose into a book, only the world in front of you visible, and whether the view from the cliff aided her in seeing a more full picture or not, it certainly made her feel better, and that, at least, was something.

You could see the senshi from here, Rei thought, as the wind came up behind her, whirling her hair into long ribbons around her face. It was an odd thought, even as it sprung from her own mind, and yet she could not help but continue to see it. The dark blue and black of the oncoming night, the red and orange and purple and pink of the sun setting below the horizon, the green of the grass edging around the cliff, tiny light blue flowers clinging around it.

The teal of the ocean below, together with the rest, an entire other world resting beneath its skin.

She sat back from the edge, on a bench conveniently placed, roses climbing up through the wrought iron of it, looking as the sun set into the sea.

“Life is a game of chess.” Rei said it boldly, sure of her own poetry and force.

Michiru laughed her playful laugh, the one Rei only heard from time to time, the one that felt warm and real. “What lovely utter nonsense.”

Rei scowled. “It’s like a battle, and you have to think and plan.”

Michiru cocked her eyebrow. “Chess has rules, Rei, and the squares are laid for all to see. Should tragedy befall a knight, it is quite easily known how it happened,” she closed her eyes a moment as she sipped her wine across the table from Rei, “Life is not so explicable or so kind. The queen may despair when she is not carved of bone, and the other end of the table cares not for turns. ”

Rei sat back against the chair, trying to come up with a response.

“No one ever accused a pawn of treason, for it is never given the choice to retreat.”

Rei watched as a rose petal drifted out toward the sea. She shouldn’t have lied.

She should have told Michiru she didn’t know how to play chess.

______

She’s back at the cliff again, but it’s night, and the only colors she can see are black and navy and deep purple and all those colors that make up one night. The wind is high tonight, and it howls and keens past her ears, bringing her hair around her neck, tight as a noose.

There’s someone at the cliff, but she can only see them in shadow, a barely-visible line around them from the dim sliver of the moon, its sharp edge digging into the figure at the throat.

She tries to call out, but her words are swallowed by the dark, and the darkness fills her as she opens her mouth, and all the colors that still existed in this world fade into blackness, the only thing visible that thin shadow.

The wind lies down, and they jump.

The eyes of the stars turn to her, and stare, stare, stare.

______

Rei shut the door behind her, the echo of it closing too loud in the space, a contained explosion against the blank walls of the room.

“We have to fix this.” She put her hands on her hips, annoyed, staring at Minako, who opened one eye to look at her before closing it again.

“How’d you get past my defense squad?” She muttered.

“Mina, this is serious, and--”

“So you decided you forgive Michiru for trying to kill Usagi?” She lay with her eyes closed, unimpressed.

Rei seethed. No, was the answer, and yet she could not escape the image from the cliff, could not stop thinking about the way her hair felt at her neck. Could not stop thinking about chess.

“She wasn’t trying to kill Usagi.” She was surprised to find that she believed it. That she was not angry at what Michiru had meant to do, but for the fact that Michiru was simply, as she herself would admit, incapable of not saving Haruka.

She was surprised again to discover that somehow made her angrier, though at who she could not say.

“Okay,” Mina winced as she sat up, “So you decided for forgive her for not doing her fucking job?”

Rei scowled at Mina. “It’s not about the job!”

Rei did not always mean to tell the truth, though she very often did. She felt it in her soul that she and Mina were angry about the same very different thing. Michiru had put Usagi in danger. Usagi was her friend. Usagi was Mina’s princess. Michiru had nearly caused Rei a world of pain. Michiru had failed to do what she was ordered.

Mina looked at her, in that way that saw everything, that way that was too much like Michiru “So--”

“You’re not supposed to be in here!” Haruka burst through the door, hanging onto the doorframe, shirt rumpled and hair licked into mountains and waves by sleep. “She’s supposed to rest.”

“You’re doing great, bud.” Mina rolled her eyes.

Rei turned on her heel, not even paying attention to what Haruka had said, and stepped into her space, pointing at Haruka’s nose.

“You need to go see Michiru.” She hissed and popped like a fire, a log about split with the heat.

“No!” It burst out of Haruka like a toddler’s stomp.

“Yes!” Rei leaned further into her, and Haruka took a step back, quite against her own will. “You’re going to go talk to Michiru, and--”

“Why should she?” Mina interjected, as they both turned to look at her. “What the fuck does she owe Michiru?’

Mina saw herself, the match in her hand.

“I forgive her.” Rei looked at Haruka with a perfectly squared jaw, as if she dared Haruka to oppose her. “I forgive Michiru. And so does Usagi.”

“Oh, bullshit.” Mina called across the room, even as she saw herself drop the match against the too flammable floor, even as she saw the smile creep across her face, “You don’t forgive jack, Rei, you know it and I know it.”

Mina was surprised that so much later and after owing Michiru so much, she could still find the sharp edge of her own anger. Maybe it was that Michiru had put Usagi in danger, but maybe it was also that Michiru had saved Mina. That Mina owed her something, now.

Rei looked over at her.

“It’s not her fault.”

Rei said it, though she was not sure if she meant it, and Mina knew it was true, though she was not sure what it changed.

Rei dropped from Mina’s gaze. There was nothing but fire there, and Rei had no water to give her, and so she turned to Haruka, who needed the heat of it, who needed to melt the ice inside her and let it give way to the water that let things grow again.

“You have to go see her,” She pointed in Haruka’s face, “You have to try. You have to make this better.”

“I--”

“Usagi wants it, and you’re supposed to help her.”

It felt wrong, using Usagi like this. But it was no lie--Usagi’’s most ardent wish was for Michiru to be forgiven, for the Senshi to come together again, stronger than before, for the family that bickered and rolled their eyes but stuck together to be whole again. It was not using, she reasoned, and it was not a lie, because if Usagi could give a command, this is the command she would give.

Haruka was backed against the wall in the most literal sense, not even quite understanding why someone so much smaller than her intimidated her so much.

But it echoed in her head, and it echoed in her heart, and she heard Rei’s voice in a constant refrain, like the beat of a heart, like the ticking of a watch.

You’re supposed to help her.

______

The watch is broken. The watch is broken, and she should know how to fix it.

It’s a watch but so much bigger than she is, she moved with it when the gears tick tick ticked into place, though how she knows that she doesn’t know. The watch is still and silent now, and she knows that’s wrong, that it should be moving.

There’s a panic that rises in her as she examines every unmoving gear. What will happen if they can’t keep time? It seems so wrong to think of, the watch keeps time, and they need the watch, and why can’t she fix it? Why can’t she do what she’s supposed to?

Her tiny wrenches wrest against the gold and silver of the gears, but still they sit unmoving, and this watch is so complicated, the watch that sits on the wrist of the world, that watch that she stands on, on the wrist of the world, the one she’s meant to fix and can’t.

Her frustration melts to terror now, knowing that the watch needs to move, feeling the eyes she can’t see on her, wanting her to fix it. She’s responsible, she’s the one who should be able to fix it, and she can hear the doubtful muttering lapping at the edges of the watch as she crawls desperately around it.

She tucks her body in next to one of the quiet gears, and looks over.

There’s a part missing.

______

“They are lovely.” Michiru looked over at the bouquet of roses and jasmine, set to the side of her bed in a cut crystal vase, and smiled. “Thank you.”

Haruka stood awkwardly at the end of the bed that had been theirs, and was now simply Michiru’s, and yet she kept to her side of it, and the comforter was still the soft lilac one Haruka had liked, and by the other side of the bed there was still a tube of chapstick and a cartoon mug.

Haruka shrugged. “Rei made me come see you.”

“Ah.” Michiru’s face dropped.

“No--” Haruka hated talking, sometimes. It was easy when all she had to do was be bold, be brave, but the smaller and more delicate emotions, and the words that came with them, often eluded and frustrated her. “I--I picked out the flowers. I wanted to. It’s just--”

“I remember you holding my hand, you know,” She looked at Haruka, an aching hope in her eyes, “and there must be something within you even still, that, that cares for me?”

She did not mean it to come out a question, but her heart would not let it simply be fact, whatever her mind said.

“I…” Haruka looked at her and there was such sadness, such longing in her eyes that Michiru felt every rough thing within herself might break. “Michiru, it’s really--”

Michiru shrugged, disappointed. “Let us dispense with the pleasantries, Haruka. You are angry with me. You clearly still care for me. Both of these things can be true, and clearly are, and I cannot tell you how to reconcile the two.”

The delicate emotions dropped away like petals from a dying flower. “Why did you have to do that, Michiru?!” Her voice broke with the raw pain of it, the question she had asked herself over and over again, the one she had wanted to scream at Michiru as she knelt on the ground in front of Mina that day. “I--I can’t--”

Michiru shook her head, her eyes hazy with the misty truth of her own nature. “I am weak. I cannot watch you die.”

Haruka bit her lip and swallowed, her jaw hard and sharp as a cliff face. “I can’t be with you.”

MIchiru took in a breath, and nodded, letting it out slowly. “That is your right, and I respect it. Understand it, even. However,” She paused, her own face resolutely pointed toward Haruka’s, demanding she make eye contact, “it does little to move me on my course of action. I said precisely what I intended. I cannot watch you die, and that will be true even if you spend the whole of your life hating me.”

Harka turned away, wincing in pain, the agony of being unable even now to make things right, to do the right thing, to fix Michiru and make her loyal. She pulled back on her bangs, and whirled around, trying to keep her voice steady.

“If I die, can you protect Usagi?” She wanted to add please, she wanted to add that she would be happy to die, she wanted to add anything that would make Michiru good.

Michiru sat at the bed for a moment, her expression unnaturally puzzled by the question, her eyes drifting as if referencing an encyclopedia.

She looked down into her lap. “I fear I would move from a soft sort of acquaintance to hatred.” Haruka gave a sound that was somewhere between a scoff and a whimper, biting her lip. Michiru continued, annoyed, “Haruka, to be a Senshi is my cross to bear, and I am yours, and I suppose that is the heart of the matter.”

“Michiru!” She stomped her foot, angry and hurt and desperate and lost. “I--you’re--I don’t want it!”

“Well,” she snapped, “I am not entirely certain it is a cross if one enjoys it, Haruka. I most assuredly did not ask to be conscripted into someone else’s holy war.”

Haruka shook her head. “Don’t you want to do something good? We’re doing the right thing. We’re helping. We’re useful.”

“I suppose that would be presuming that we believe the Moon Kingdom did not deserve to be lost in the first, and that it deserves another chance.” She said matter of factly, crossing her arms.

“Do you not think--”

“I think it is very easy to be the hero of the story when you are the one doing the telling. I think entire planets do not rebel simply for a weekend activity. I think,” She paused for a moment, the pain a distraction from her irritation, and she continued softly, looking at Haruka, “I think not everyone longs so badly to have a reason to be.”

“What the--” Haruka snorted and tossed her head back dramatically.

“Haruka, are you happy?”

It was so plainly said that for a moment, Haruka was not entirely certain it had been Michiru at all, but a call from the back of her own mind.

“I--”

“Has this endless pursuit of heroism granted you any peace?”

Haruka said nothing.

“So I thought.”

Haruka, sometimes, tried to identify exactly what it was she was feeling. She’d read somewhere that it could help, when you were dumb like she was, when everything just became anger, when she just exploded to make whatever it was stop.

She didn’t know how people did it. There was never just one thing. She was sad, she was in love, she was hurt, she was confused, but these emotions all whispered, and her anger, it sang and screamed and yelled and--

“Fucking stop it, Michiru!”

And it popped.

“You’re always playing fucking mind games with me!” The tears receded as the rage within her smiled, showing a touch of fang.

Michiru shook her head “I--”

“No! Don’t talk to me! Don’t--don’t tell me how I feel!” She thundered the side of her fist into the dresser. “I’m tired of it! I don’t want this! I don’t want you to--”

“Haru--”

“I’M SAD!” She hated it as soon as it leapt out of her mouth, as soon as it escaped in the air, not to be recaptured, and she felt the anger within her frown deeply.

Michiru looked at her softly. “I know. I--”

Haruka turned, escaping from the room as the feeling had escaped from her heart, out the front door and down the street, past the subway, back toward Mina’s apartment, just running, running, running.

Usagi looked far above her head, at the loose ribbons that dangled from the walls, drooping onto the floor sadly. She stood in her dress--no, not her dress, Serenity’s--alone in the large room, empty and quiet and too still and sad.

“Hello?” she called out softly, hoping anyone could hear her. The room was made out for a party, cakes and wine and flowers all over the tables, and those sad, sad ribbons dangling. It was a party for one. Everything just for Usagi.

Music played softly, echoing off the walls and filling the space with even more melancholy, reminding Usagi that there should be people here, there should be a party, there should be a reason to celebrate, but there was no one. Just all the food and decoration and music she could ever want, but no one to share it with.

The crown felt heavy on her head.

“Hello?” She called out again, her voice wobbling this time with the tears of her loneliness, the cakes and appetizer bites sitting untouched. Unwanted.

Her words simply echoed off the walls.

Usagi furrowed her brow, angry that she was alone, angry it had come to this.

She tore Serenity’s dress off her body, scattering the scraps of insubstantial moonlight that wove it to the ground, and stood in her underwear, bright pink with little butterflies in foiled glitter.

No one was coming because the party wasn’t ready. She had to fix it.

She stood on a chair, and began to tie the ribbons together, the room beginning to light as the decorations rounded the room.

“So then I yelled at her, but now…” Haruka sighed and held her head in her hands. “I don’t know.”

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do, Bud. Your life is yours,” Mina shrugged and looked over at Usagi, who sat looking at Haruka, eyes wobbly and brimming with tears at the idea that Haruka and Michiru, the couple she had put the most faith in, could still be apart, could yell, could be angry, “Thanks for the cookies, Usagi, it was nice of you to--”

Usagi grabbed her arm. “Haruka! Don’t you miss her?”

Usagi had a certain artless way of disarming Haruka, sometimes, the way she believed in not only Haruka’s goodness, which Haruka herself rarely believed in, but also in Haruka’s happiness. The way she considered what might bring Haruka joy, whether that compromised Usagi’s safety or not.

“She did save me.” Mina added, a note of guilt and anger in her voice, “She nearly died doing it.”

“She was really brave!” Usagi nodded, “She’s a great soldier, really, and--”

Haruka gave a mirthless chuckle and shook her head. “I,” she sighed and shrugged, “ I can’t, Usagi.”

“Haruka,” Usagi looked at her sadly, “If I ask you to do it as your princess, will you? Instead of your friend? No,” She shook her head and scowled, trying to steel her voice, “If I command you as your princess.” Her face softened again. “Will you then?”

Haruka winced at Usagi calling her something so near, at the thought of Usagi commanding her to give in to the complicated love she felt, even when it put her in danger of Michiru’s twisted loyalties.

Haruka looked over at Mina, hoping that she had the resolve, that she could help Haruka hold to her anger.

“Mina?”

But Mina took the match in her hand, and closed her palm around the flame. Let it burn her. Let her save the rest.

She sighed. “Haruka, I--” the truth came up with the sour taste of vomit in her mouth, “We’ve all fucked up. She really fucked up,” There it was, ready to come out, the acid of honesty, “but I--”

“We all make mistakes!” Usagi rushed to complete her sentence, wanting the healing to come, wanting the happy ending.

“But I’m punishing her because I don’t like her.” She whispered.

“What?” Haruka looked at her. She had said it too softly for Haruka to hear, and Haruka turned her head, cocking her better ear toward Mina..

Mina sighed at having to repeat the hateful truth of her own perverse joy in finally having a reason.

“But I’m punishing her because I don’t like her.” Mina did not look at Haruka when she said it. “She was wrong, and it WAS dereliction of duty and--” she shook her head, “and I never should have put her in that position.”

Usagi looked at Mina with true sadness, and touched her on the thigh. “Michiru is a nice person, Mina, and I bet she would be your friend if you tried.”

Mina snorted. “No. But, I’m not either.”

“I think you’re nice, Mina! And you’re funny, and--”

Mina raised her hand. “It’s okay, Usagi, I’m not hating on myself here.” Her eyes flicked to Haruka. “Michiru and I are just a little alike, sometimes.”

Haruka stood up. “I don’t know.” She walked to the window and gave a stretch and a deep sigh.

Usagi looked over at her. “Haruka? I just want you to be happy.”

Haruka rested her head against the window. She wanted to do the right thing, she wanted to be a hero. If only she had died that day. If she could have sacrificed for Usagi. But she didn’t and so she gave the next best thing she knew to her life. Her love.

“Haruka?” Usagi interrupted her thoughts. “I want you to tell Michiru how you feel.”

“But I don’t know.”

Haruka did not dream that night, no answer coming to her in the dark.

____

“I forgive you.” She wanted to offer it with the same sense of anger she had Haruka, but found she could not, that she could only offer softness, the flame that burned in her heart contained by the iron of Usagi’s capacity to forgive, making it just warm.

Michiru looked at her as if expecting the scorpion to sting her, never imagining that the offer might be genuine. “What, pray, brought you to this moment?”

Rei sat across from her at the small bistro set. ‘I’ve been with you since the forest.”

“That is very true, but in no way, since the forest, have you found any cause to forgive me,” Michiru sipped at her tea, “You are here because Usagi wishes someone to be, and you still have some small affection for me left in the cobwebs.”

“That’s not true” Rei scowled.

But it isn’t a lie either, the flame whispered.

Rei had seen Michiru dance at society parties, when she had shown up because her father was Senator Hino, because the food was free, because Usagi wanted to go and needed Rei’s invite. No matter the partner, it seemed, her feet moved with a quick grace around the floor, edging around her partner’s as if she were perfectly threading a needle.

“Yes, of course, we all know you do things only of your own volition and never as an expression of Usagi’s influence.”

She knew how to move around someone else at any moment, and she was doing it to Rei, now.

Rei was tired of it.

She slapped her hand against the table. “I forgive you because if I don’t, things are only going to get worse. Michiru.” She looked at her with a fierce stare, and noticed the surprise in the arch of Michiru’s eyebrow. “I’ve had dreams.”

“Did you See it?” It came from her mouth like smoke from a snuffed candle.

“I think so.” Only with Michiru could she offer this uncertainty, only Michiru would know that grand complication of where your thoughts ended and Seeing began.

“And--” Rei stopped herself.

“Yes?” Michiru looked at her, and Rei noticed just a tiny bit of sadness and fear in her eyes.

This feeling had come over her slowly, incense filling the room, small at first, but eventually crowding it with the heaviness of amber and resin, choking her, until she had to throw open the door, to let out the perfume of her own truth.

“And I’m tired of being mad at you. I’m tired of punishing you.” It sounded foreign to Rei, and Michiru seemed just as surprised. “I don’t like it.”

Michiru gave a cautious smile. “Next you will tell me Usagi has rather lost her interest in sweets.”

Rei chuckled. “Too much of a good thing.” She looked off for a moment. “When there’s a fire, they tell you to go back to where it already burned. Fire can’t burn the same thing twice. It needs the fuel,” She considered carefully, the fire something she understood so much more than chess, “I think I’ve burned enough. I don’t think I have more to burn.”

“That’s quite poetic,”Michiru looked at her with a mix of pride and sadness “I will spend the next years of my life attempting to prove myself to a group of people who will never trust me. Who are right not to, for rest assured, Rei, I am just as terrible as they say on this subject.”

“Yeah well, Usagi cries in every battle so I guess we all have our faults.” She said it dryly, but as her mind waved over the Senshi, she realized it was true. They all had a flaw that could lose the day. The arrow had simply hit Michiru’s heel, instead of another’s.

“That is rather generous.”

Rei reached across, without thinking, and took her hand.

“Michiru,” She looked directly into the sea of Michiru’s eyes, waving and moving and impossible to catch, to know, “let people forgive you.”

Michiru said nothing, the air quite gone from her body in the moment. Rei, of all people, asking Michiru to be forgiven. Reality was strange and her dreams were strange and now the two seemed mixed.

“Michiru?” Rei nodded at her, and the softness left, and all became a command again in Rei’s eyes, “I’m going to tell Haruka to come over and you should be ready because you’re going to solve this. Usagi and me will get everyone to fall in line.” Rei crossed her arms. “And that’s just the way it is.”

Michiru looked out at the sunset.

“We’ll see what the stars bring tonight, I suppose.”

____

She followed the star through the night and the underworld, whatever those things were now. Definition had no meaning, things were whatever they twisted and molded themselves into. The sea was the rocks was the path was the shadow, and whatever it was, she swayed upon it, following that star, following that tiny point of light.

Her body was disconnected from everything, and though she was alone, she felt no loneliness, only the assurance of the baby in the womb, that we may not not know where we are going, but we know we are going somewhere.

There were sketches like pictographs in the sky. Or constellations. Wouldn’t that be more right? But the sky was a ceiling was a cave, and so pictograph became the correct word, and Haruka looked up at them, at her body lying on the ground, and then the stars that were paints that were a borealis shifted and painted again, and there would be Usagi, crying. And there would be Mina, looking off into the distance.

And there would be Michiru, throwing down her transformation ring. Grinding it into the dirt.

She followed the star, she followed the dot, she followed the light, and it grew larger and larger as she wore through the night, until it was the sun, rising on the horizon, and she felt the cool flow of air in her lungs, the shattering thud of her own heart beating, and the sun held her close in pinks and yellows as it whispered to her.

“Your life has value beyond its ability to be lost.”

It was Michiru’s voice that was Mina’s that was her grandmother’s that was Usagi’s.

_____

Haruka awoke with a start, sat on the edge of the bed, and wept.

“Ruka?” Mina spoke quietly from the other side of the bed.

Haruka sniffled, trying to cover that she’d been crying, trying to cover that the gentleness in Mina’s voice was almost too much to bear, trying to hide everything she felt about Michiru and the pictographs in the sky and the watch and Usagi and her own soft center.

Mina stirred and sat up, looking over to the wall.

“Bud?”

“Yeah?”

“You should go.” She nodded to herself. “To Michiru. This is the right thing.”

“Yeah.” She ruffled her hair. “Will you be okay?”

“I think we all will.”

Between sleep and waking, Mina looked at the smoke, at the dark burnt wood of the building, and picked up a hammer.

___

“This has to be a dream.” Haruka sat down next to Michiru, not daring to look at her, not daring to breathe, because if she breathed in she might inhale Michiru’s perfume, might be taken by her again, might know again what it was like to be so near her, and be unable to resist.

But she wasn’t supposed to resist, was she? Usagi, her princess, wanted them together. She wanted Michiru to be brought into the fold again, for their senshi family to made whole. That was what her princess asked for.

“Dreams are sweeter and stranger, I believe, than this moment.” Michiru gave no indication of whether Usagi had sent her or not, but her face was so terribly resigned, so doubtful that this was going to end any different than every conversation they had tried since that day.

“I’m sorry I yelled.” She pressed her thumb into the meat of her other hand, rubbing it, “I was upset.”

“It was not my intention to play games with you,” Michiru sat with her arms crossed, “In fact, I felt as if I were being rather plain, however it might have felt to you. That you hate my honesty most of all does not mean I was being manipulative.” She looked over to Haruka. “And I can be manipulative, Haruka, deceptive, too, terribly so. But I was not, with you, on that day. I told you the truth, as much as I know it.”

“I love you. I can’t stop.” It spilled out of her mouth like a toddler carrying milk, immediate and messy.

You idiot, the rage and hate within her whispered, you are so stupid, to give a woman like her that kind of ammo. She’ll turn you into a traitor, too, she’ll never be like you--

“I will never be like you,” Michiru touched her hand gently, “I love you more than life, than anyone’s life.”

Michiru was beautiful, Michiru was a marble statue in the garden of the world, Michiru was strong and resolute as the flowers around her bent and broke in the storm, but not Michiru, no, stone did not move, it did not change.

But in dreams, anything can happen, and so Michiru began to cry.

“And for that,” she sniffled, “I am sorry.”

Those small feelings, the ones that whispered, drew together, and they fell upon her anger, and they drowned it in the pit of her stomach, and they bloomed in the softness of its death and decay.

She rested her forehead on Michiru’s shoulder, and there it was, the perfume she was afraid of, and Haruka joined her in her tears.

“I don't know what to do.” She sounded like a child, even to her own ears.

“Oh Haruka,” Michiru drew her arms around her and kissed the top of her head, ”I’m afraid I have no answers. I--I am rather at a loss, myself.”

“I just,” she sniffled, “I want to--”

“You want to be good, to be noble,” She rocked Haruka, “and with me, all at the same time. That’s difficult, isn’t it?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” She sat up and took Michiru’s hands. “Mina wants you to come back.”

Michiru laughed. “She most certainly does not.”

“No, I think she does.” Haruka nodded. “She sent me.”

Michiru looked surprised, but allowed herself a smile.

Haruka returned it. “Let’s start again.”

Michiru shook her head. “No. It would be foolish to take nothing from this.” she touched Haruka’s cheek lovingly. “Let us continue on.”

They kissed under the rolling clouds, writing new futures into the sky.

___

When the Senshi laughed together, it was like a chorus--tones all blending together in perfect concert, into one sustained note streaming across the grass of the park, a rare and spiritual music.

The sun was warm but soft, painting golden rays across their skin, the leaves from the trees dappling them in happy dots. The smell of Mako’s well-packed bentos perfumed the air around their blankets, Mina popping an Onigiri in her mouth as she waggled her eyebrows at Rei, the end of some jokey come on that was not a joke at all dripping off her lips like the last drops of soy sauce. Rei scowled in that familiar way that almost felt a smile. Ami picked at the cold chicken, looking out over the park, her brow wrinkled in thought more exploratory than worrisome. Hotaru drew dark flecks of ink across the sketchpad, not minding that Michiru had taught her how, as Pluto pointed out everything there was to love of each line. Haruka half dozed happily in Michiru’s lap, Michiru gently stroking her hair as she rested quietly.

Haruka blinked her eyes open and reached over to the last slice of strawberry cake.

Usagi jumped up in front of everyone, bun in her hand, and pointed at Haruka playfully. ‘In the name of the Moon, I demand you leave that for your princess!”

Michiru looked at her slyly. “Careful, Usagi. You’ve no idea what I might do in her interests.”

The Senshi laughed in that joyful Hallelujah chorus with the smoothness of a healed scar, and Usagi smiled so brightly the sun itself seemed to dim.

#a holligay joint

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