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lxve-and-lxght · 4 days

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funny honey

pairing: thomas shelby/ reader

warnings: afab! reader, jazz, booze, murder, all that fun stuff. eventual smut perhaps?? slow burn?? mean! tommy.

a/n: hyperfixating on chicago and peaky blinders at the same time. also this is not proofread so i'm sorry for any mistakes.

pt. 1

the long night that followed your arrest at the garrison, could ONLY be described as tedious. inspector campbell was nothing but a ruffian with a badge. no better than tommy, but unlike tommy, inspector campbell really did have no fucking manners. you were a heathen whore in his eyes despite the fact you were a married, working, woman. wasn't that enough? of course it wasn't.

you'd spent the night being interrogated by campbell.

"i've already told you, i don't know," you said to the inspector and sergeant moss, a man who'd been on the peaky blinders payroll for quite some time now if you were remembering his face correctly. "i must've blacked out, i don't remember a thing."

"so you don't remember taking a bloody gun into the garrison tonight?" sergeant moss asked, an eyebrow quirked at you.

"i have no idea what you're talking about..." you were stonewalling them. what did it matter if your sister and bastard husband were dead? it's not like they had money or power, just a poor couple of suckers who'd gotten the kinder end of the deal in your opinion, truthfully you would have much rather been dead than stuck here listening to these fucks debate your innocence and whether or not you were as good in a bed as you were on stage.

after enough time had passed and campbell could say he at least tried to pull a confession out of you it was the wee hours of the morning and you were taken back to a cold, grey holding cell till the bus could take you to a women's jail, apparently only god knew how long that was going to take. so you lied on the hard, uneven, concrete and waited.

did you really have to shoot them? yes. when you found them together in the hotel bed that the money you earned paid for, you saw white. your sister was a dummy for thinking charlie was smart enough to avoid getting caught and charlie was just the same for assuming that of her.

all that time busting your ass, working as many shows as you could, travelling all throughout europe with them. how many times had they done it? how many times had he kissed you after he'd had your own fucking sister in his mouth? stupid son of bitch, you thought. how you ended up with such scum you'd never know.

"l/n! time to go." you sat up from the ground and saw sergeant moss standing with john shelby through the bars. your brow furrowed. moss opened the cell door and gestured you up.

"ya'd better move if you wanna make it to the garrison before tommy leaves." john said. you stood up and walked to him, he had a coat to cover up your show dress. "christ, you're freezing." your dress was covered in whatever dirty muck had been on the floor and your stockings were torn from the brawl that transpired at your arrest. " go on." john nodded.

you walked a couple feet away, peaking over your shoulder to watch moss and john share a sly handshake. john withdrew first and approached you, putting his arm over your shoulder. the two of you didn't speak till you were out of the jailhouse and settled into the motorcar.

"be honest, john, i'm fucked aren't i?" you said quietly, eyes darting to his.

"agh hell, don't ask me, y/n. i'm just the driver." he chuckled, blowing smoke out the window. "but we both know tommy prefers you to that bastard inspector. you make us money."

"great," you sighed, arms crossed in disdain. "now i owe the shelby's a debt."

"that you do, love." john laughed.

when the car finally stopped in front of the garrison john didn't waste anytime pushing you out to the curb.

"he's still in there." john called out as he pulled the car away. you bit down on your tongue in frustration and then stepped inside the pub. it was still so early, it must've only been harry and tommy in there.

you didn't even have to ask after him, the second you were passed the threshold, the private room's door opened and thomas stood waiting for you. he didn't say anything. just nodded his head, telling you to step inside.

"mr. shelby--"

"stop." tommy spoke finally, putting a hand up to silence you. "what'ddya say to him?"

"... nothing." you said, "i blacked out, i don't know what happened." thomas choked on his cigarette when he chuckled.

"and that's what you've told him? that you don't remember?" you nodded. a little blown away that he was laughing in your face about the situation.

"mr. shelby, i can't go back to him," you said firmly, talking about campbell, "he'll string me up or he'll make me a whore. i refuse to do either, so cut him up or cut me."

"ya want me to cut you?" he asked, taking a seat at the table.

"it's not about what i want, it's about what i don't want, and i don't want that pathetic excuse for an officer to have any say in my future."

"well sweetheart, you've managed to create a cluster fuck of problems for me in a matter of a night, i've already lost one of my showgirls because you seem to have a fuckin' temper and now i have to find someone to pin her and your husband's murders on."

"why?" you scoffed. "what good would that do you? or me for that matter? they already think i did it."

"that's cause you did do it." thomas said snidely, taking a sip of whiskey. "and i can't afford to have harry looking for new acts while i'm trying to conquer london. he needs to mind the pub and you need to mind the crowds of men that come here to gawk 'atcha."

you bit down on your tongue again.

"do we have an understanding?" he asked. you sat with it for second, thomas was offering to get you off the hook for damn near free, it was too good to be true.

"i'm not working for free." you countered.

"course you're not, you're working to dig yourself and me out of the hole you've put us in."

"three shows a week." you said. yeah beggars couldn't be choosers, but that didn't mean you had to starve and sleep on the streets especially because if there was one person who could get you the fuck out of this mess, it was thomas shelby. his eyes narrowed at your half-assed attempt to negotiate, like he was at least pretending to think it over.

"five shows a week, you get three hundred and i keep your bonny ass out of the jailhouse." he said finally. you sighed and sat down to shake his hand. tommy put his cigarette out and shook your hand. "you better get ready." he said. you nodded going to leave till he spoke again. "and i'd take a bath, love, you've got a show tonight and not even the soldiers will want to touch you smelling like that."

you scoffed. what a fucker.

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wutheringmights · 4 months

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I have to provide some context for this one.

Once a year, some friends and I get together to put on a big powerpoint night. We go hard for these. I usually do a big presentation where I analyze a piece of media. I put a lot of effort into doing the research for these. I once did one on eugenics rhetoric/ideology in My Hero Academia, for context.

This year, I want to do a presentation that tackles the antisemitism and fascist ideology in Attack On Titan. Naturally, this required research. A couple of weeks ago, I was reading an article on Polygon when I read that Attack On Titan has a YA novel spin-off. Not a light novel translated into English. A YA romance novel written by an American author published in English for American audiences.

Huh, I thought. You guys can probably tell by some of my reading choices that I deeply enjoy putting myself through some god-awful books (primarily YA). And one that's a tie-in to an anime I love being a hater for? Sign me up.

I bought myself a used copy and read it the moment it came in the mail.

That's all the context you need. Now that I've covered my ass, let's talk about what I actually think about Garrison Girl by Rachel Aaron.

It's not the worst thing I've ever read. The prose is overall decent, and I can appreciate that the main character has a pretty clear character arc. The best contribution Aaron made to the Attack On Titan series as a whole is a section towards the beginning where she takes about 2-3 pages to just describe how grotesquely horrifying the Titans are. I always thought the Titans were more funny-looking than anything, so this was a much needed improvement.

Everything else... ugh. Where do I start?

First off, the romance with male lead Jax drove me nuts. On paper, it's probably okay. Aaron put in a lot of effort to make sure they started off hating each other before slowly falling in love. Unfortunately, I really don't like Jax as a character. He annoys the hell out of me, and there was one too many times where he forced the main character, Rosalie, to apologize for something she did not need to apologize for.

The plot is largely episodic, theoretically tied together by Rosalie's character arc. By itself, it just feels like a slightly boring set-up for a larger series. It's fine. Some of the antagonistic characters were too cartoonishly evil for my taste, but it at least works. Having a plot that works is a surprisingly tall order, so I will give Aaron credit for that.

But in context of being a story that ties into Attack On Titan...

Attack On Titan is very good at being self-important. It is a very stupid story with some glaring writing flaws that can hide its issues under the veneer of depth and complexity. As long as you do not think about Attack On Titan too hard, it is a fine watch. Then it started including things that you HAVE to think about like eugenics and persecution, and it becomes glaringly obvious that the author has no real idea how any of this stuff works and only cares about the aesthetics of war.

None of that is in Aaron's book. On one hand, THANK GOD. On the other, this doesn't feel like it fits in with anything in the anime. Where are the gruesome, meaningless deaths? Where are the characters waxing poetry over their moral choices? Where are characters doing batshit things that can only be described as "cool as balls"? Aaron tries to squeeze some of this towards the end, but that still means reading 200 pages of lighthearted military exploits.

This just feels ill-conceived.

I have never read anything else by Aaron, but from a quick perusing of her Good Reads account, I don't think I would have picked her to write this. In her Reddit AMA, she says she took the project because she's a big fan of the show. Good for her, but I don't think she did a good job at making something that fits with the show.

But any Attack On Titan tie-in shouldn't be written for teens. An older target demographic would have opened the doors for a lot more of the anime's signature flairs.

I just think the very existence of this book is fascinating. Every time I check out the YA section at B&N, I always see more novels that are part of bigger non-book franchises: Disney princesses, Avatar the Last Airbender, Marvel comics. Whoever decided in ~2016 that American publishing should try to go anime was ahead of their time.

Yet, it seems like this book didn't do well enough to generate a trend. I haven't seen any other anime novels. But anime is more popular and more mainstream than it has ever been. Surely, another attempt will come.

Yet, Attack On Titan is a last of its kind. While anime is hugely popular, none of the big series now are the same ubiquity that early Attack On Titan did. Do you remember 2013 when the show first came out? Everyone was watching it, even non-anime fans. Many of the articles I read credit it as jumpstarting Crunchyroll. They also say that it's the perhaps the last property that every weeb could be expected to have working knowledge of, much like everyone's latent knowledge of Shonen Jump's old Big Three. There is so much variety and options at this point that weebs aren't watching all the same shows anymore. It's the last titan of an old age of anime fandom.

I don't know if anyone will ever attempt a novel tie-in again. Should it happen, then this is a strange, ill-conceived product ahead of its time. Should it not, then this is the most unique and strange attempt to profit off of a mainstream anime.

I hope Alex Aster writes a novel for Naruto. That's the good ending.

#i swear i am reading the broken earth triology #i just go super sidetracked by this weird ass book #that i surprisingly had a lot of thoughts on #me rambling #me reading #garrison girl #garrison girl by rachel aaron #rachel aaron #attack on titan

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fennecfiree · 2 months

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UHM south park silly doodles based off those fucking blue emojis

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sojutrait · 1 year

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everyone decied to pretend to like each other for the day for the sake of abby's bday 🥳🥳🥳 ellie lowkey stole her sisters thunder by asking maeve to prom there but its okay abby was chill with it. also yes, it looks like phoebe is pregnant but thats not my problem

#ts4 #s #*soju save #she looks just like miles kdjfkfdjk #when she rolled the jealous trait i literally cackled #like dfkjkfg these garrison girls are destined for wretched romantic relationships #except ellie maybe she will come out unscathed #*eileen gen

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broflovski-brah · 2 months

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wattpad authors in a nutshell:

youtube

#south park #skipper speaks #mr garrison #im funny please laugh #wattpad #fanfic #fanfic slander #wattpad slander #wattpad is a joke of a website istg #alternate title: style fanfics in a nutshell #(kyle’s the girl ofc because he always has to be #i already know people are gonna be offended #oh well #womp womp #Youtube

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mvshortcut · 8 months

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wait wait okay I thought of an enriching career for Dr. Garrison after her divorce. she can be a mad scientist for birthday parties

#like cmonnn she'd love messing around with liquid nitrogen and turning things into slime. let her go crazy #it's not that she likes children per say but the positive feedback is. nice?#even if she snaps like a feral racoon the first 20 times people clap because she doesn't know how to handle it #the laser beam probably wasn't *technically* approved or OSHA safe or whatever those silly laws say #but hey she didn't sign anything and the birthday girl loved it so #dr. garrison #yes this was inspired by my tag rambling on sophie's lovely circus post #the mysterious benedict society #tmbs

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peach-artblog · 2 months

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Thumbelina : A magical story 92-93

#doodle #anime #cute #magical girl #thumbelina #thumbelina a magical story #おやゆび姫物語 #Maya Garrison #the story of the thumb princess #elegant gothic lolita #90s aesthetic #90s anime

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kusatta · 4 months

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" you really want an honest answer to that ? " / @kyujosha + adam, ♡.

#the girls are fighting /j #q.#kyujosha #✧ › ◜ keith. ◞ ic.#✧ › ◜ keith. ◞ timeline / garrison | post - kerberos.

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the-unspeakable-tsar · 2 months

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Points of Interest in Twilight of The Superheroes

I made Kamala Kahn both poly and king of the Inhumans.

Logan and Laura are dead and were killed by Dust while mind-controlled by Mysterio.

Reed and Sue exploded.

I made Screentime into an Inhuman and i had him get tortured by a device created by Moon Girl

There's a gang of punishers somewhere in the Midwest made up of a clone of Frank's dead wife, Joe Garrison, and Sosumi Brown.

#marvel #fanfiction #twilight of the superheroes #Kamala Kahn #logan howlett #laura kinney #reed richards #sue storm #Screentime #lunella lafayette #Maria Castle #Joe Garrison #Sosumi Brown #moon girl and devil dinosaur #Punisher #inhumans

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slutforfiction · 2 years

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NO BC LONG WAY DOWN DAISY AND RYKES STORY CHAPTER ENDING ON CHAP 69 AND THE EPILOGUE IS PERFECT AS RYKE WOULD SAY “FCKING PERFECT” TEARING OUT MY SOUL PERFECT-

#rose calloway #calloway girls #ryke meadows #daisy calloway #long way down #gillow #garrison abbey #willow hale #bad reputation #lily and lo #lily calloway #loren hale #addicted series #calloway sisters series #conner cobalt

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wutheringmights · 4 months

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2023 Reading Wrap Up

I tried starting this post about 20 times already, and no introduction is really hitting. I am quite a bit hungover, and in dire need of a rest. But alas, I want to talk about all the books I read last year.

So I had the goal of reading as much as I physically could last year. Why? After finishing my degree, I was having trouble reading for the sake of reading. I wanted to be someone who read a lot, but my self-motivated reading habit was in the dumps. My sibling and I ended up making a bet to see who could read more in 2023, and I was determined to win.

I did win, but that's besides the point. My importantly, I am now back in the habit of reading again.

I really enjoyed starting my reading tag and making little write-ups summarizing my thoughts. I really appreciate everyone being so patient with my book-posting, especially as I gradually went from writing a sentence or two to rambling bullet point lists to well-thought out reviews. If you ever interacted with one of those posts-- thank you so much! I hope to continue in this upcoming year.

So to wrap up my year of reading, I figured I would rank all of the books I read. If I read an entire series, I'll count it as one entry on the list. Also, the ranking is going to be determined less by quality and more by personal enjoyment.

All that being said, let's go~

Ranking My 2023 Reads

#17) Breaking Time by Sasha Alsberg - This was my first read of the year, and my worst. This book is near unreadable in terms of prose, and features one of the most infuriating lines I have ever read in my entire life:

Add the most unoriginal plot I have ever seen, and this makes for one bad read. I knew it was going to be bad going on, but the levels of incompetency on display here was mind-boggling.

#16) Daughter of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan - Is this the worst book I read this year? No. But it definitely pissed me off more than the others. I didn't need this book to be good; I just wanted it to be fun, but it couldn't commit to a plot line long enough to do so. I will give this book credit for having one of the unintentionally funniest villains I have ever read. That man failed upwards and it was GREAT. No notes.

#15) Ariadne by Jennifer Saint - I don't think this book is terrible, but its flaws are the most glaring to me. Structurally, it's a mess. The prose tries to use imagery to cover up how much telling it's truly doing. Both hampered an overall decent plot.

#14) Red, White, & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston - This book wasn't really for me. It was an entertaining read, but the references to pop-culture were more cringey than humorous. I also could not stand how the book was ashamed to be escapist literature and tried to uplift itself with shallow critiques of American politics.

#13) Lightlark by Alex Aster - That I am putting this book so high on the list is a crime and an insult against every book ranked below it. If I was ranking off of quality alone, it would be the second worst book I read this year. Unfortunately, I started an inside joke with my friends about how I'm Lightlark's #1 Fan, which ended up increasingly my enjoyment of this very stupid book exponentially. #TeamOro

#12) Garrison Girl by Rachel Aarons - This book really isn't anything special, but its place in publishing and anime history tickles my brain. It's not bad but it's not all that good either.

#11) The End of Everything: (Astrophysically Speaking) by Katie Mack - Someone with a more thorough baseline on science would probably find this book more enjoyable than me. As is, I didn't understand half of it.

#10) The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid - A fast, enjoyable read. I think it reveals its hand a bit too quickly, but the plot overall is really fascinating. Lacking on prose, but it didn't need a lot of it. This is a book begging to be made into a movie (which will probably be better than the book itself).

#9) A Thousand Ships by Natalie Haynes - What this book lacks in originality and plot, it makes up for with comprehensiveness. As much as I enjoyed reading all of its varied perspectives, I am still peeved by how Penelope's perspective was wasted and how Haynes had no interest in writing from Helen's perspective.

#8) The Broken Earth Trilogy by N.K. Jemisin - A prime example of a book series that is objectively excellent, but was simply not for me. My interests didn't align with what the narrative thought was important. However, the characters are fantastic and what there is of the central conflict between mother and daughter is earth shattering.

#7) The Poppy War Trilogy by R.F. Kuang - An incredible fantasy series with some excellent characters and ideas. While I do think that the series is a little simplistic, it makes up for it by being endlessly entertaining. Except for the last book, which leaned too heavily into its grimdark flares.

#6) Beowulf by Unknown (Translated by Seamus Heaney) - A reread featuring a fantastic introduction from Heaney that connects the text to his Irish roots. The translation itself, while good, prioritized brevity a bit too much for my taste.

#5) Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson - A long overdue reread that reaffirmed why I found this book life changing when I first read it in junior high. Lyrical, brutal, and surprisingly funny, this book paints an honest picture of depression and trauma in adolescence.

#4) In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado - A lyrical, dreamy exploration of an abusive relationship. I love how this memoir pushes the limits of its own medium as it also tries to establish a canon for abusive queer relationships. Machado's imagery is insane, and I devour it every time.

#3) The Catcher In the Rye by J.D. Salinger - My last and most surprising read of the year. I did not expect to love this novel as much as I do. I will never forgive the world for insisting that Holden Caulfield is an archetypal male manipulator when he's a traumatized kid (albeit a bratty one) who desperately wants to be feel happy.

#2) Children of Ash and Elm: A History of the Vikings by Neil Price - An incredible, comprehensive look on the history, culture, and legacy of the vikings. Price parses through popular fiction to bring humanity back to a historical group of people every subculture wants to claim as their own, for better and for worse. This book broke a damn in my head that was preventing me from doing world building for a piece of original fiction I want to write.

#1) The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas - I have been haunted by this book since I was a little kid, promising myself that I would one day gather the courage to read this behemoth of a story. As long as it is, every word was worth it. It was both parts entertaining and stimulating, and I ended by the book knowing why so many people call this the best book ever written.

--

And that was my year! Please feel free to share what you read this year. Let me know if there's anything I should try to read in 2024. You can also fight me about any of my opinions lol

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nobodysdaydreams · 1 year

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We need to talk about the fact that the brain sweeper is Dr. Garrison’s invention and she probably was the one who brain-swept Milligan.

In which case, I wonder if she remembers anything about Milligan’s past 👀 I wonder if she was actually the one that brain-swept him (she probably did it was her invention or maybe Curtain went behind her back and didn’t do it right which is why Milligan still had a vague memory), but I also wonder if at some point she allowed him to escape or felt super guilty. Everyone talks about Reynie’s speech, but honestly, I hope Kate plays that card when Garrison’s trying to brain-sweep them.

Kate: Well it figures you’d try this since you were willing to brain sweep my dad. At least this time we probably won’t be separated for as long as 9 years because he still remembers we found each other. Even if we forget everyone we care about, they’ll remember us. And I doubt you’d be able to force my dad into this machine and successfully destroy his memories since you already failed twice. So go ahead. Do your worst.

Garrison (who was relieved when Milligan and Kate showed up together to stop Curtain because it “meant” the brain sweeping hadn’t destroyed Milligan’s memories of Kate or separated them at all and is now suddenly eaten alive by guilt because, oh actually, the trace memories weren’t enough to keep them together and she (or at the very least her inventions) separated a child from her father, who used to be her coworker and a possible friend): Milligan… …I… that wasn’t supposed to happen… … … Kate? I… I’m… *breaks down in tears*

#I want Garrison to fill Milligan in as much as she can #OR ALTERNATIVELY Garrison is confused and thinks Milligan never worked for them and realizes she’s been swept too #Milligan would probably forgive her and I hope he does for the sole purpose of Curtain having TWO ex-employees working for his brother #when Curtain finds out he’s gonna feel so betrayed even though dude: YOU brain swept them/stole their stuff #Garrison needs forgiveness and therapy and love. She’s great but between “optimal doll” and “female child” the girl needs people skills #All of Curtain’s side kicks and ex side kicks deserve a little found family. As a treat #dr. garrison #dr garrison #milligan wetherall #milligan #kate wetherall #Wetherall #tmbs #tmbs disney #tmbs 2 #mbs s2 #mbs season 2 #mbs disney #mbs #the mysterious benedict society #mysterious benedict society

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fennecfiree · 1 month

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I'm like, super normal about him

#mr garrison is my baby girl #mr garrison sp #i love mr garrison #mr garrison south park #mr garrison #mr garrison shrine #south park #southpark #south park fandom #sp #south park shrine #shrine #sp shrine #herbert garrison sp #herbert garrison #janet Garrison #mr garrison body pillow

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val-made-a-mistake · 1 year

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...i really have not written a SINGLE scene in TGR where reader is the one giving oral sex??? it’s always john going down on her??? what????

#good for you girl but like #the garrison rat

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muirneach · 10 months

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garrison creek et al is the craziest part of toronto lore. like we have a gajillion rivers that we just buried under the roads it’s insane

#girl this place is going to implode its going burst and flood one of these days #i mention garrison because it gets the most advertisment re the signs in the sidewalks #but we have like tens of rivers and creeks like. every few blocks

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gellavonhamster · 1 year

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Has anyone done anything with “The Starks are the Bridgertons of Westeros” concept? A noble family with a huge number of kids and all. I feel like there’s some comedic potential here

#like. in jon's novel his regiment is sent to a garrison in the north where the neighbouring villages are terrorized by robbers #he crosses paths with them and finds out their leader is a gorgeous red-headed girl and he falls in looove #his sister sansa makes her debut into society and soon is proposed by a rich young nobleman #however already after they're engaged she starts discovering how awful he truly is #at the same time she finds herself drawn to his intimidating scarred bodyguard... or maybe to her new friend miss tyrell?#and so on and so forth #it's regency au and nobody dies #talk talk talk #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf

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