AZULA & ZUKO FIC RECS

unscarred by MousselineSerieuse

 She has never been so far above him as she is now.

Where to Reach by ambivalentangst

Crown Prince Zuko discovers his bending when he is five and his sister is three, and she’s the first person he tells, juggling a flame while she admires its beauty. When he shows the rest of his family, his mother’s chopsticks clatter to the table, and when Zuko looks to his father, his eyes are wide with shock.

His grandfather speaks first, the head of the table, and approval runs thick through his tone: “Well, look at that. A true prodigy, wouldn’t you agree, Ozai?”

“Indeed,” he hums.

//

(Princess Azula won’t summon her first flame—a guttering, timid thing—until she’s seven.)

//

Or, in a world where Zuko is the prodigy and Azula is the one banished, destiny shifts accordingly.

I And Love And You by asfearlessasamango

The weekend starts with musings on the word cottagecore in a mostly empty parking lot, and ends with Azula smiling with still-damp hair on Zuko’s couch, surrounded by princesses.

There is a lot of crying and taking the T in between. Udon noodles and phone calls and fairy lights. Long, long talks and dreams of one day, being as fearless as a mango.

and we light ourselves on fire to keep warm by JaggedCliffs

It starts small. How something sweet twists into cruelty. How she learns to turn her weaknesses, scarce as they are to begin with, into Zuko's. Until they become her strengths. Until there are no weaknesses, no flaws, left in her.

Symmetry by zested

"Hair is everything." - Fleabag

ashes to ashes by ambivalentangst

“I took Ba Sing Se, not Uncle, and certainly not you; I got us this far. You’re stealing what’s rightfully mine. If anyone should get to see this, it’s me, and you should be grateful I’m here because you couldn’t end the war on your own!”

The words are tremulous with emotion, rushing and almost painful for how they scrape past her teeth, and still, even she knows they sound petulant—a child’s concern. But she is loud, and more than that, she’s right. All Azula has ever wanted is the respect of standing at her father’s side and—pitifully—the love inherent to the honor. She can’t lose it when she’s this close.

But then Azula’s father steps towards her, and his fist is wreathed in fire, the temperature of his flame so hot it’s blue—her blue—where it’s closest to his skin.

Azula hardly has time to process what’s going to happen before his palm meets her cheek in a slap.

//

The day before Sozin’s Comet returns, Azula finds that Zuko is not his only child her father is willing to strike, and Azula’s destiny changes.

Lovable by LadyCharity

Zuko knew that he could not save Azula. He could only try to forgive her. Fittingly enough, those two were one in the same.

On Top of the World by mindbending

“Lord Agni,” Azula says, swallowing a laugh. It’s hilarious that she’s down on her knees, praying like she can rely on any force but herself. “I have power, but I’d like some more if you’d be so obliging. Power to get the things I want. Power so grand, it’ll shock everyone on earth- even me, if you can manage that.” She snorts before adding on her last ridiculous, meaningless request. “Power to match the Avatar’s or outdo him, if you’d like!”

Or: after the Boiling Rock debacle, Azula gets what she didn't quite wish for and wakes up as an airbender.

The Confession

Summary: Jake found her. Now what's he going to do?

Words: 1510

Warnings: Physical assault, confession of feelings, lying

A/N: I can't believe this is the end. I'm technically drafting this post before the series even starts for you guys so I have no idea how much you're going to even like it. But I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Aside from Sounds of Someday, I think this is my favorite.

Tag list is done. Please follow @coleslibrary and turn on notifications for story updates.

Jake paced on the sidewalk, trying to figure out what to do. He’d finally gotten his mom to give up Y/N’s location. It was a fight that took a three hour lecture about hypocrisy and waiting too long, but she relented, threatening to disown him if he hurt her adoptive daughter again. He’d planned a speech before he got on the plane, rehearsed it for the several hour flight, but now that he was here, he had no idea what to say. On his third lap around the block, he finally got the courage to walk up to the door and knock, deciding to just wing it.

The door swung open to reveal a bleach blonde man a couple inches shorter than Jake, one he’d met only a time or two. “Billy,” he grumbled.

“Bagman,” Billy spat, leaning his forearm on the door frame. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to Y/N,” Jake told him, raising his chin and daring him to deny the request, “and it’s Hangman.”

“She ain’t here,” Billy informed him, “and I doubt she’d want to talk to you anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, Bagman, that she didn’t want you to know where she was for the last month. She told me that you’d fucked her over for the last time and that she was done with you.”

“Fucked her over?” Jake scoffed. “Are you sure you don’t have the two of us confused? I’m not the one who bailed on her four months ago after trying like hell to dull her spark for a year.”

“I didn’t bail on her,” Billy denied, “she broke up with me.”

“You were leaving her and you know it. Now just tell me where she is before I beat it out of you.”

“I don’t know why you’re even making a fuss over an easy whore,” Billy sneered. “You could get anyone you want, or so I hear. Though I have to say, it’s some damn good pussy for an easy whore.”

Jake didn’t even realize he was moving. He saw red as soon as the words exited Billy’s mouth, his arm cocking back and pushing his fist into Billy’s jaw with enough force to knock the man backwards several steps.

Tires squealing on asphalt was the only thing that stopped Jake from swinging again.

She was rushing out of the house to handle an issue on base when Billy finally showed up to talk. Instead of telling him to come back, she told him to sit in the kitchen and wait for her. She didn't plan on being gone for almost an hour. She groaned in frustration when she finally climbed back into her car.

She was halfway back when her phone alerted her to camera activity on her porch. She checked it at a stoplight and swore when she saw that Jake was standing at the door talking to Billy. Unmuting the video, she listened to their argument as she drove, speeding and taking corners much faster than she should have. She pulled into the driveway and saw Jake swing, hitting Billy in the jaw.

“Shit,” she swore again, rushing out of her car and into the middle of the two men. “What is going on?”

“He just showed up here and punched me!” Billy accused, rubbing his jaw and shooting daggers at Jake.

“I came over here to talk to you and this guy,” Jake explained, pointing at Billy in the doorway, “wanted to start shit and called you an easy whore. So yes, I punched him.”

“I never said that!” Billy shouted, stepping towards Jake. “He’s the one who called you a whore.”

“You son of a bitch!” Jake yelled, lunging for Billy.

She grabbed Jake’s arm and he stopped in his tracks, taking a step behind her. She turned to face him with tears in her eyes. “What’s going on?”

“What’s going on is that guy,” Jake spat, “is a total jerk and you deserve someone better. Someone who respects you and would treat you like a queen.”

“And who would that be, Jake? I don’t exactly have a whole lot of options.”

“He’s just running his mouth so that he can sleep with you,” Billy goaded from behind her, “that’s all he’s ever wanted from you. Why he thinks you’re easy, I’ll never know.”

“You lying bastard!” Jake shouted as he pushed her away, pulling his fist back to hit Billy again, stopping when something got between them.

Valkyrie stood between them and pushed Jake back, reaching in her pocket and unlocking her phone. She navigated to the recording of the argument and pressed play, Billy’s voice clear as day repeating the words he was denying. She stared him down, daring him to tell her that the recording was wrong.

“Please stop lying, Billy,” she growled as she locked her phone.

“What? Baby, you can’t believe this guy. He’s dicked you around for how long now?” Billy rebutted, taking a step towards her.

Jake stepped up behind her, staring daggers at the man trying to bargain his way back into Y/N’s arms.

“Get out, Billy. You can’t own up to your actions, even when they’re on video. We’re done. Over. Go find yourself another easy whore,” she repeated, her words sharp and final. 

“Fine,” Billy spat as his eyes became fiery, “but don’t come crawling back to me when this piece of shit breaks your heart.” 

Before Jake could make a move, she had pulled her fist back and released it right into Billy’s nose. 

“Get. Out. Of. My. House,” she sneered as she looked down on him.

Billy turned and stomped away, firing up his car and peeling out of her driveway. She turned to Jake with slumped shoulders and watery eyes, looking up at his face in exhaustion.

“How did you find me?” she asked.

“Now, don’t be mad,” he prefaced, “but Mom told Phoenix when she called looking for information.”

“Why are you here, then, Hangman?” she sighed.

“You didn’t say goodbye when you left,” he said.

“Really? You’re here because I didn’t say goodbye?” she scoffed. “I told you that Simpson needed me -”

“No, he didn’t,” Jake interrupted. “Simpson didn’t call you back. You called him to get you out.”

“I don’t want -”

“You need to tell me why you left,” he whispered, “please. I have to know why you ran away.”

She sighed again, squeezing her eyes shut. “You have to know? Okay, fine. I heard you talking to Suze. Telling her that we weren’t together and that she didn’t need to be jealous. I couldn’t take it. I thought…” she trailed off, biting her lip and tapping her foot as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought that something had shifted the day before, that we had something. I know we said no feelings but I was right. I fell in love with you and you don’t feel the same way. So I left. You could have your time with Suze and I could get away and not have to see it.”

“Is that all you heard?” he questioned quietly, searching her face for answers.

“What else did I need to hear? You said plenty,” she snapped, her gaze finally meeting his again, fire burning behind the tears.

“I did say plenty, but you didn’t hear all of it,” he replied as he stepped towards her, hooking his finger under her chin to keep her focus. “I told Suze that it would never happen with her. That it was a mistake that I was ever with her and that you were the one I wanted by my side. 

“You see, it happened so slowly that I didn’t realize it. When Suze approached me, I looked for you, I tried to find you so that I could get away from her without my family asking me why I was pissed. When I finally found you, you were leaving. In that moment, when you were running away, I knew I was a goner. You jumped into that cab and you took my heart with you. I’ve barely been able to breathe since you’ve been gone.

“I know I said that I wasn’t trying to marry you, but that’s changed, Y/N. I’m hopelessly in love with you and I don’t want to spend another day without you by my side.” 

Tears started falling down her cheeks, the fire in her eyes had died out only to be replaced with hope and longing. “Don’t mess around with me,” she said, her voice wavering with emotion.

“I would never dream of it,” he assured her, his thumbs brushing the tears from her face. “You’re it for me, Y/N. And if you say no, if you tell me to get out and never come back, I will. But I really hope you don’t. I hope you give me the chance to be the man you have always deserved.”

“Jake,” she mumbled as she gazed up at him.

“Hmm?”

“Kiss me.”

Everything: @thelastpyle @deangirl93 @evergreencowboy @katelyn--renee @fictional-affairs @paintlavillered @buckys-zomdoll @polireader @b3autyfuldisast3r @welcometothefandommultiverse @mlovesstories @supraveng @xoxabs88xox

Top Gun: @princessmisery666 @evansrogerskitten @bradshaw-fanclub @saiyanprincessswanie @luckyladycreator2 @princessphilly @ahockeywrites @clints-lucky-arrow @wildbornsiren @shanimallina87 @fuckyeahhangman @blue-aconite @hope-love-equality2 @peachiicherries @marvelousmermaid @therebeccaw @green-socks @imjess-themess @jostystyles @mayhem24-7forever @callsignaries @a-reader-and-a-writer @ahopelessromanticwritersworld

GHOSTING.

pairing: kang taehyun x f!reader ft. choi yeonjun

genre: angst, fluff | college!taehyun

word count: 2.2k

content warnings: cursing, mentions of illness, and smoking, yeonjun hinting that he have a crush on the reader

summary: when your best friend, kang taehyun has stopped talking to you for no damn reason, you found yourself being distracted in an unusual way.

author’s note: to the anon that requested this, i accidentally posted the ask when i was drafting this so i delete it i’m so sorry T__T. 

you: hey, taehyun! do you want to study together later? i'm free!! :D

you: taehyun?

you: hey. why are you ignoring my texts?

you: what the hell is wrong with you?

you: you literally walked passed by me and did not even glance in my direction

you: i waited for you for 2 hours and you didn't even acknowledge my existence?

taehyun 🐸: I did not tell you to wait for me. It's your choice.

taehyun 🐸: And also stop bothering me. I have a lot of things going on with my life right now.

you: fine then, i'll stop bothering you from now.

seen 12:03pm

"Fucking shit." you almost threw your phone across the room. Skimming the last exchange of heated text messages between you and your best friend was not a good idea.

You and Taehyun have been friends since high school. A lot of people see him as someone stoic but deep inside, you’re the only one that knows how warm he is for a person. However, a few months ago since year 3 in college started, things changed between the two of you.

You couldn’t really figure out what changed. Maybe he found a new circle of friends? People that have the same interest as him? Or perhaps, a girlfriend?

You spent days wondering where the hell Kang Taehyun goes? Not the Kang Taehyun right now, the old, stoic but warm Kang Taehyun you knew.

You wanted to confront him about the gap separating the two of you but just could not find the right timing because of the hectic schedule and hard-to-balance life in college.

And now, the thing that scared you the most came. It was Taehyun suddenly forgetting about you. Everything that you guys shared together was gone, just like that.

You have to admit but that hurt the shit out of you. It’s like breaking up with him except that it’s all platonic.

Days passed since the last time you saw each other and you have to admit that you are strangely missing his presence. Everything that you do, everything that you see, it all reminds you of him.

“You’re spacing out too much.” Yeonjun pointed out as he snapped a finger in front of your frozen face.

“Well, I am.” chuckling, you went back into highlighting your notes from your last class.

You tried your best to distract yourself by putting double effort into studying. You weren’t the hard-studious type of person but you suddenly became one for the sake of clearing out your mind.

“So, tell me what’s bothering you.” Yeonjun closed his book and stared directly into your frowning face.

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N, I am not an idiot. We’ve been classmates and almost partners in all the subjects since the first year so I know you. I know you very well.” he cleared his throat. “And I know you’re not fine so tell me, what’s bothering you?”

Pursing your lips together, you swallowed a lump. You guess that there’s no escaping from him.

“Well…It’s Taehyun.” you finally cracked your bubble for him.

“Taehyun? Your boyfriend?” your eyebrows creased with Yeonjun’s comment.

“Boyfriend? No! He’s not my boyfriend.” your voice turned into a defensive one as you tried your best to resist the beats of your heart against your chest. It was beating hell fast.

“Your crush then?”

“No! Absolutely not!”

“Then why the fuck are you so distracted?”

That is enough to shut you up. You tried to come up with an answer but your mouth couldn’t move to utter a single word. Your defense fell down and you’ve lost, just like that.

“Y/N,” Yeonjun’s eyes went to meet yours. “You will not act like this. Look at you, you tried to mask yourself too much but you’re constantly looking at your phone. And don’t try to tell me that you are not checking Taehyun’s socials because I see it. I see it across the classroom. You’re too obvious, Y/N. You like Taehyun.”

The words that came out of Yeonjun’s mouth speak nothing but the truth. The truth that you’ve been trying to hide from everyone, especially from Taehyun himself. And the worse is that Yeonjun found it out himself because you failed to hide it.

“Is it that obvious?” you grimaced at your question which Yeonjun answered with a nod.

“If I were you, You should be telling him about how you feel. Don’t be like me.” Grabbing the cup of nearly-empty americano, he took one big gulp from it.

“Don’t be like you? What do you mean?” you frowned at him.

“Well, I like this one particular person but I know that I wouldn’t stand a chance on her. I just confirmed my theory a few days ago.” he smiled sadly. Your mouth parted at his sudden confession. All this time, Yeonjun was going through heartbreak but how come he’s so good at hiding it?

“I’m…I’m so sorry, Junnie.” apologizing for making him suddenly confess because of your dumbness, he waved you off and returned to his usual cheerful self.

“It’s alright. At least she’s going to be with a great person soon that’s why I hope you follow my advice in taking your time to let your heart out on him. Who knows? Maybe he feels the same that’s why he’s acting strange too.” Yeonjun winked with a goofy smile that somehow made you feel relieved. 

“You know that Yeonjun? I hate you.” rolling your eyes, you let out a small smile as your sinking heart saw a glimpse of light because of Yeonjun’s encouragement.

“Oh shit, I remember that I have an appointment with my dentist today.” Gasping, Yeonjun grabbed his jacket that was hanging on the chair’s rest. “I nearly missed it shit. I’m so sorry Y/N.”

“Oh no, it’s okay. Take care Yeonjunnie! And thank you, really.” You gave him a genuine smile that made the corner of his mouth twitch in happiness.

“See you, Y/N.”

“See you too, Junnie!”

Stepping out of the cafe, Yeonjun placed his jacket around his shoulders and turned his back to see you again. When he caught a glimpse of your smiling face, he couldn’t help but feel butterflies all over his body.

“Dentist appointment? You’re so stupid,” he muttered under his breath before turning away to grab a smoke. He never knew that you’re the one who’s gonna make him realize how hard it is to tell someone how they feel, especially in a romantic way.

All he wishes for you is good luck and he’ll support you no matter what.

You didn’t realize how late it is not until you found yourself running back to your apartment a few blocks away from the University with the rain pouring hard.

You waited for transportation but sadly, all of them are full and you were aching to get home so you took all your might and ran as fast as you can.

As soon as you got home, massive migraine hit your head so you dumped all your soaking things on the floor, changed into your usual sweat pants and t-shirts, and tucked yourself under the blanket. Within five minutes, you are drifting away into dreamland.

**

“...What time…is it…” shaking, you tried locating your phone, and thankfully, you found it under your sheets.

Your lock screen lit at 2:47 in the morning. You can feel your head pounding from your sleep as well as your nose is congested and clogged. Feeling cold even though you know you’re under a thick comforter, you tried your best to get up so you can turn your air conditioner into fan mode.

Before you can even step out of the bed, your foot tripped over the sheet and you fell to the ground, earning a loud thud.

“Shit…” your voice was horribly coarse.

Pulling all your last piece of strength, you pressed the number one on your speed dial and it started ringing a familiar number. With just two rings, the other person on the line answered.

“Y/N? It’s two in the morning-”

“T-Taehyun…” you swallowed a lump as you speak his name. “I…can’t move. I think I am convulsing, I feel so cold…all over. I-I don’t know what’s happening…” you couldn’t speak the next words as you felt your nose blocking the pathways that made you gasp for air.

There were a few rummages noises in the background, followed by keys jiggling and the door unlocking.

“Stay on the line, Y/N. I’m going over there.” Taehyun’s was full of worry.

Taehyun hated it. He hates it so much that he has to ignore you because of his messed-up feelings towards you. He acted like it was nothing but, in reality, the feeling of not talking to you for days killed him deep inside. It feels like a part of him was taken away from him.

And now the first thing he’ll hear from you after not hearing your voice for a few days was you sounding so groggy and having a convulsion.

He was worried. He felt like he’s gonna be sick as he hears you breathing deeply and hard on the line. He even couldn’t speak because he was too occupied with running as fast as he can towards your apartment. Good thing that his apartment was only a few streets away from yours and he has a spare key.

“Stay on the line, Y/N. I’m near. I’m coming over.”

“O…kay.”

Finally reaching your doorstep, he felt like it was the longest run he ever had. He inserted the key and unlocked your door in no time and that’s where he found you, lying on the ground weakly and sweating with the phone in your right ear.

“Fuck, Y/N. Are you alright? What happened? I’m calling an ambulance!” before he can dial the emergency hotline, you grabbed his hand that made him turn to you.

As soon as your eyes met, Taehyun felt every emotion he tried to surpass since the day he said those hurtful texts to you. God, he missed you so fucking much.

“I’m…fine. I think it’s fever. Please just help me get up and turn the AC into fan mode.” you pleaded. Taehyun was hesitant at first but he knows that you know your body well and trusted your judgment. Kneeling, he helped you by wrapping his arms around your shoulders, supporting you.

He carefully laid you down back in your bed and hurriedly went to your AC to change the temperature setting.

After that, he went towards your cabinet and took out the emergency box that contains a variety of medicine and emergency stuff you will possibly need in times like this. Taking out a paracetamol pill, Taehyun punched it out of the packet and handed it to you before proceeding to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

You immediately drank the medicine and finished the glass of water.

“Rest,” he said, grabbing your study chair and placing it down beside your bed. “I’ll stay with you. Just rest, Y/N.”

Flopping down, he settled himself comfortably.

“I missed you.” You don’t know if it was just the fever kicking in again and it made you feel drowsy that made you say those words.

“I missed you too, Y/N. So much.” Taehyun replied and wrapped both of his hands on your right, warm hand. 

“I freaking hate you, Kang Taehyun. Don’t ghost me like that. Don’t run away from me.” you bit your lips as you feel your heart sinking again with the flashbacks of the pain you’ve gone through these past few days.

“I won’t run away from you anymore, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I had to figure my feelings out too. It’s my fault that I took it out the harsh way on you. I was just so… frustrated with myself because I am starting to fall for my best friend.” Taehyun admitted with a deep exhale.

“You know what? I like you too, Taehyun. I really do.”

Taehyun’s eyes lit up in happiness. He felt like every negativity circulating around his body has been removed because of the assurance he got from your answer. He’s so happy and it is the fulfilling type of happiness because you are the reason why he is feeling like that.

“Rest now, Y/N. We’re going to talk about this later when you wake up.” he smiled and gently caressed the top of your hand.

As much as he wanted to hug you tightly right now, his priority is your safety.

“Okay, Terry. I’ll sleep now. Don’t leave me, okay?” you pouted at him.

“I won’t leave you, Y/N. I’ll stay by your side.” he smiled once again and started rubbing your palms.

You don’t know but his presence is so calming and his touches are so comforting. In no time, your eyelids started closing and the last thing that you saw was Taehyung mouthing I love you to you.

Taehyun never expected that he’ll fall for you. It was the thing that scared him the most because he does not want to lose his best friend and his friendship with you. But, he couldn’t help himself because he found both friendship and love in you and that is enough to make him say those three words to you.

Now, he’s determined to make it up for ghosting you and ask you out officially once you’re well recovered.

Leaning towards you, he placed a soft kiss on your heating forehead that made him chuckle.

© 0x1-ovesick. do not repost on any platform.

The Penguin and The Dove Ch. 1

Side note: Okay I wanted to try writing. This is gonna be multiple chapters idk how many. And sorry about my grammer I know it's not the best. And I'm sorry if this sucks, this was just in my notes drafts. I might do smut eventually, idk cause I've never wrote that stuff before but I might try in later chapters.

(Also in the edited picture the shadow type girl is supposed to represent you or the reader in a way.)

Tw: other than swearing, none this is just mostly introduction.

(Female Reader)

You walked around Gotham. Buildings were damaged from the flood years ago, but luckily they got at least the water out of the streets. Not a lot of people were out on the streets though, a lot of them left. Didn't want to deal with all this bullshit anymore, can you blame them?

The only reason you were still here is because you have nowhere to go. Most of your family dies years ago and the ones still alive didn't want anything to do with you.

Looking at the building signs, hard to tell with all the lights out on every sign, you found what you'd been looking for. The Iceberg Lounge. You saw ads online for a waitress job, not the best but food needed to be on the table and the pay was good. You knocked on the door and waited a couple seconds before two guys opened it. They were twins, hell even the scars from Batman matched both of them.

"Hi, I'm here to see," you glanced down at your phone, "uh the Penguin? I'm here for the waitress job I saw online."

The twins looked at one another silently, nodding their heads.

"Come in. We'll lead you to him." The left one said as he opened the door more for you to walk in.

You smiled shyly and walked in. Surprisingly the party was still going. Lights flashed with girls dancing, along with the alcoholics and the dropheads all around. Nothing you weren't use to tho. The twins stepped in front of you, gesturing for you to follow.

You ascended a couple sets of stairs and ended up in front of a beads hanging in front of an entrance way.

"He's right in there doing work." One of the twins said and then went back downstairs.

You pushed the beads to the side, walking through. There were windows to your left, showcasing all the girls getting ready. Totally not strange at all that he could see all this too. Eventually you saw him sitting on a plush couch counting money. He had a dark purple suit with a black tie on. He also had various rings, including a obnoxious red one.

"Hey sweetheart, what can I do for ya?" He didn't look up yet.

"Hi, I don't mean to bother or anything, but I was here for the waitress job I saw online. I'm gonna guess you're the Penguin? Would you like me to call you another name? I feel kinda like an ass calling you that." You didn't know why he was called Penguin, I mean yeah he was on the thicker side, but still.

The Penguin looked up and finally took you in. You were wearing a gorgeous vibrant purple dress to fit in with the club people. It was too short on you, but damn did he love it. I mean it's his favorite color. He slowly stood up, struggling with his leg brace that you don't see till now. He hobbled over to you, looking at you closer.

"You can call me Oz beautiful. Penguin is just what other people call me. Now tell me, what's your name?"

"Um, (y/n) sir or I mean, O-Oz." You were trying not to blush, you weren't use to nicknames like that. It was cute.

He shook your hand, "Nice to meet you (y/n.) So you want to do the waitress job right?"

"Yes, I just would prefer not to dance like you know, that. If you know what I mean. Just the waitress gig."

"Of course, I wouldn't make you do anything you're uncomfortable with. For the waitress job it's just giving drinks and reporting back to me for drops and stuff. That cool?"

"That is perfectly fine, thank you! What day do you want me to start? I can start anytime of the week." You were grateful he was so understanding, not a lot of people were in the past

"What about tomorrow at around 3:00 p.m. or somewhere around there?" He said as he walked over to his mini bar on the side of the room. He started pouring some whiskey in a glass.

"3:00 p.m. is good with me, thank you again for the job! I've been having such a hard time with finding a job with all the damage that happened to Gotham."

"Of course, you want a drink?" He gestered to the bar.

"Nah, I'm good. If I start I'll never leave. Gotta get sleep. Hope you don't mind." God how you wanted to, I mean other people may have seen him as ugly with him being littered with scars and bring thicker. You though couldn't help but get butterflies in your stomach. Maybe it was the charm he had, I mean the nicknames made you blush. He was caring to, making sure you were comfortable.

No, no. You cannot fall for your boss that you haven't even started working for yet. He probably acted this way to all the girls right? He didn't like you like that, right?

"Well um, goodnight Oz. I'll see you tomorrow!" You said as you started walking out the entrance of the room.

"See ya tomorrow!" He said, waving.

You started walking down the stairs with a big dumb smile on your face. Look you can't date him, but that doesn't mean you can't think he's cute. You also got a job finally. It's a win-win, you couldn't wait for tomorrow.

Still you | chapter II

Chapter II: The comeback

Synopsis: Y/n decides to help the Avengers despite their betrayal two years prior and her life makes a big shift once again.

Pairing: Y/n x Bucky Barnes and some Y/n x Sam Wilson

Word count: 5,997

warnings: cussing, some fluff

note: I know I took so long but I had writer's block. then, I got covid and I felt too awful to write. But I'm okay now so this is what I could come up with. Not my greatest stuff. the tag list is open :)

Side note: I would really appreciate hearing from you and your thoughts!

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We managed to lower two floors without raising suspicion or making too much noise. At least, James and I were pretty silent, whispering if needed. But of course, Stark always had to open his damn mouth. He had been talking all the way —pretty loudly too— and he just did it again.

“Where’s the grandpa with the bad luck of having you as a tenant?” The man didn’t know the meaning of whispering. Or maybe he did. He just wanted to make my life more complex than it was. I looked frantically behind me, praying he had not seen me sneaking out. At the sight of no one, a breath of relief exploded out of me. But it didn’t last long, irritation quickly dampening my already poor mood.

“Shut the hell up!” I hissed. My patience with the insufferable man wearing thin.

“Oh, relax. If he sees us, we’ll knock him out and blame you.” He mocked, a chuckle erupting throughout the hall and following the stairlike a draft of wind. My blood started to boil inside my veins and I felt the heat spread from head to toes. I was afraid to be reaching my tipping point already because this was nothing. Two years out of practice left me hypersensitive to his shit. I wondered how long I would be able to stand the insufferable mortal and regret hit me like a ton of bricks.

“He is a good man, Stark. We will not knock him out.” I whispered as I pressed myself against the wall. Twisting my head around the corner at the end of the hall, I sneaked a glance at the stairs and the visible space from the top. “Watch your step here. His room is right underneath the stairs. We don’t want to wake him up.

I walked forward, pressing my foot in the first step, praying the creak of the old wood would keep quiet today as it did some nights. At least that’s what I hoped but it wasn’t what happened. A groan broke the silence in the room and I knew that if he was awake, he definitely heard it. I waited a couple of seconds, alert to any noise. When nothing came, I advanced four more steps. I focused on the one shadow dancing in the wall and relief swept through me. He wasn’t awake.

I turned, thinking the guys were still up. However, I let out a gasp when Bucky’s face came into view, mere inches away from mine. Thanks to the startle, the foot I had dangerously close to the edge slipped.

My heart stopped as I thought about the fall and the inevitable bone-crushing pain that would come after it. The stairs were pretty high and even though they were wood, it was quite sharp. Splinters roamed everywhere. I waited for the pain and the strenuous sound. It was phenomenal, the first time I saw the team in two years and I would meet them in a body bag with a broken neck.

However, it never came.

When I opened my eyes, blue electric eyes stared back at me. Our faces were inches away from each other. A hand wrapped around my waist, pulling me flush against him to hold me from falling. I was hyper-aware of our breaths clashing against each other, making the most sinful of sounds. Our lips were separated by a small space, too close for my brain to catch up quickly. I noticed how his lips roamed my face, stopping at my lips slightly parted by the surprise. His eyes held a fervent fire and my breath quickened once I felt the inevitable rush of warmth roaring my body.

Coughing slightly, I took a step backward, stepping out of his grasp. I forgot all about the landlord as I scolded myself. The man looked at me and there I was getting flushed like a raging hormonal teenager. I looked at everything but Bucky’s face, why I knew still had his eyes on me except now his jaw was firmly set. I wanted to ask him what was going on inside his head but a hovering shadow at the top of the stairs captured my attention.

“What are you still doing up there?'' The man looked utterly confused standing at the top of the stairs surrounded by darkness. I wondered if it had to do with what he just witnessed.

“You care about that grandpa, don’t you?” His expression was one of disbelief. His body wasn’t moving as if in shock or trying to process the information he thought was correct. And it was, but he didn’t have to know.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, unaffected.

“Of course you do. You care about the landlord.”

I whirled around as fast as I could with the incident earlier present in my head as a gruff voice filled the room. A short, stubby old man stood at the foot of the stair dressed in a white t-shirt and some basketball shorts. The ends of his hair stood up as if held by a string and maneuvered by a child. His narrowed black eyes stared back at us. His lips pressed in a thin line.

“Of course, she does, kid. Why shouldn't she?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. I followed the movement of the milk dancing in the glass on his right hand. I felt proud of the English I had taught him and how-- as much as I didn't want this to happen-- useful it would be. I looked back at Stark to find him gaping like a fish. Little croaks came from his throat but no coherent words came from him. It was the first time I had seen Stark speechless. “I’m an incredible landlord if I say so myself.”

He was.

I cursed inwardly. There were things I didn't want everyone to know. To a certain extent, I wasn’t ready for the team, for Stark, to find out that I wasn’t the monster he expected me to be. I wasn’t ready for him to look at me differently. Andrei had the power to change our whole dynamic.

It wasn’t that Andrei and I shared anything about life. Or at least I didn’t. Andrei liked to talk, to share his life with me, and try to make me talk. He said I was too reserved. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

It had been a warm evening. I could see the sun filtering through the windows. Shining onto the top of the show top and illuminating the cottage-like bakery. The dough in my hands stuck to my skin, lumps of a uniformed cream mass suffocating the fingers. The powdered white dust sat beside me and I felt irritated. I hadn’t thought about pouring it on the mixture before I touched it. ‘I was out of my element here’ I thought as I reached for the flour.

Andrei’s baker had abruptly called five minutes before work notifying him he couldn’t work his shift. His grandmother had fallen down the stairs and fractured her hip, hence his lack of concern for Andrei. He was the only living relative she had so it fell upon him to look after her. One missed shift would turn into dozens. The bakery was small and hidden in a remote part of Romania. The clientèle was not much besides those living in the small town from years ago, or even since they were born.

Everyone in town knew each other. When I arrived I had my doubts about staying in this place because of that same reason. I would be the talk for weeks and I couldn’t risk so many people questioning my presence. Except, I was lucky.

One evening, I sat in a small and dark corner of a bar near the outskirts of the town where it was most probable to see an outsider. Two men sat a couple of feet away from me, talking fairly loudly. Out of boredom and desire to know the people I might have been seeing every day, I heard and studied their moments. Taking notes about their behaviors and storing them far into the file I had on humanity. Their voices were cheery as they ate pastries that I was sure to not be from the small bar.

“This is so good! I can’t believe I haven't tasted a pastry this good since I left,” he moaned loudly in reaction to the puff on his hand. The crumbly dessert spilling powdered sugar all over his dark gray pants. “Andrei hasn’t lost his touch.”

“Who is this Andrei you talk so highly of?” The older male asked the seemingly young partner. The man wore an expensive suit, not one that could be found here and from what I gathered from their conversation, he had not grown up here. But his friend did. What he said next grabbed my attention the most.

“His bakery is pretty hidden in the town. Someone that didn’t know the road would not find him. He used to be a criminal, on the run and all that. But since he got out of prison he became a baker. the man sure has a gift. I don’t even know why he went to jail, because the man is a sweetheart. I think he was just dealt a bad hand.” The man kept munching on his pastry as he talked. The vowels all merging to create a soundless blob. I swore he said more but that was all I could understand and by the face of his friend, he understood less.

“It’s such a small town. Why was it never known?”

“I don’t know. Rumor has it that he was born here but left, something to do with his family. He came back years later, on the run from some people. People we assumed to be the police. Of course, the police followed his trail and eventually found him here. Two years later. He hid pretty well if, you asked me. He treats people with respect but he never talks about himself. He has always been reserved when it comes to his life, only telling small details that lead to nothing. You know, not enough to form a life picture…”

Before he finished talking, I was out of my seat, walking towards the pair. I plastered an innocent look on my face, one I had studied and perfected many times since coming to earth. I relaxed my posture, knowing I had been tense and tucked since I entered this town. I still can’t believe I was social before. Nobody would believe that if I told them now.

“Hey, those pastries look marvelous!” I said in a cheery voice when I reached the pair. Both of their heads whipped towards my direction, curiosity written in their faces. I could hear the questions in their head about me and where I came from and what I looked for in town. Typical gossiping mortals. I wanted to cut the tie between our heads, feeling bad about corrupting the men’s thoughts. But I couldn’t, not until I had what I wanted. “Do you know where could I find them?”

“Sure thing. What’s your name, sweet thing?” Sweet thing, that’s funny. If he had been into the American news he would not say that.

“Calypso. Do you know where the place is? Can you explain it to me?” I said, trying to hide the hurry in my voice. His thoughts were front seat in my mind, not wanting to miss a thing.

“So eager.” He chuckled. Instead of the route, I was expecting, he thought about my naked form and countless sexual images began replaying. I resisted the urge to impale his backside, taking a deep breath and counting to ten. I played his game. I battered my eyelashes and looked at him from hooded eyes. I bit my lip gently and walked closer. Sneaking a glance at his friend, I noticed he was no longer looking at us. He seemed uncomfortable and had turned to his coffee and pastries. I wish I had a coffee to turn to.

“Maybe you could take me there. If you remember the way, of course.” He smirked and grabbed the jacket slung over the wooden chair he sat on. His friend looked at us, startled as if he wasn’t expecting my response. However, the joy of his friend would be short-lived. Images of the way to the small bakery filled my head and I smirked. Before he could take my hand to guide me to his car I asked for the restroom.

As soon as I came in, my eyes searched for some window I could use to leave unnoticed. And I found it in the corner of the bathroom beside one of the huge black and white mirrors. I locked the door and hurried to open the window, sliding through the door. The darkness of the night didn’t face me but my alert was high. Everybody could hide in the dark. My heart rocked against my chest as I saw the same guy from early waiting beside his car. I hurried along the alleyway, pulling my hood up and hiding my hair, disappearing into the dark.

“Calypso, boy for you.” I was brought from my memories by the rough voice of Andrei. Whoever didn’t spend much time with him would think he was mad all the time thanks to his voice and forever furrowed white bushy eyebrows. I matched the furrowing of his eyebrows when he mentioned a boy. I had been careful enough to not get attached or get anyone attached to myself so the mention of another human being besides Andrei spooked me.

Suddenly, the thought of agents looking for me or the usual threats I had filled me with panic. I heard the thunderous beat of my heart. The tremble of my hands disrupted the beautiful form of the pastry in my hands. quickly cleaning and taking away the apron full of white dust, I walked to the front of the door.

A dark-haired man in his early twenties stood next to the door with a blue box in his hands. A white shimmering ribbon adorned the delicate box, wrapping silkily around it to form a well-done bow. The chiseled bone structure of his profile caught my breath as he looked to the small, underpopulated plaza in the corner of the rondure. The curvature of his roman nose and the thin shape of his lips sticking in his profile.

I saw him regularly at the small bakery. His usual was a Papanaşia with a black strong coffee. He left three dollars on the tip jar three times a week and I noticed if he was overly happy, he would leave a fiver regardless of the day or how many days he had tipped. I had seen him mad twice in the store. Seemingly, he was one of those guys that harbored every trouble inside in a chaotic turmoil. I knew because I had invaded his mind one of those times. Curiosity had gotten the best of me, knowing he was always the type of guy that carried the sun on his shoulder. Every time he caught my attention, I tried to remind myself that he could’ve been an agent sent by Hydra to kill me or worse, kidnap me.

“Hello. What can I help you with?” I said, confidence laced in my voice. The confidence I did not expect to have. His head whipped towards me. A smile broke on his face at the sight of me. I saw the fidgeting of the box in his hands and the sudden bobbing of his knee. He didn’t appear to be harboring any secrets, or at least not deadly ones.

“Hey. I know this will probably look very weird to you but I’ve been watch- I mean not watching but I just- I,” His stammering caused a giggle to leave my lips involuntarily. My hand immediately flew to my lips, hiding the smile corrupting my face. He lowered his face but not before giving me one of those smiles that could light up a world. God, I felt sappy. He looked at me once again. “I don’t know how to do this. I definitely didn’t think it through.” He chuckled. One of his hands came up to brush his face while shaking it, side to side. I could tell he was nervous, maybe more that I initially had been.

Seeing him stammer was the cutest thing I had seen since the little green and purple flowers that grew back home and surrounded our palace. So, I decided to help him a bit. “You could start with your name,” I said, trying to not smile too much. Agent, agent, agent…

“God, you probably should’ve done that first. Nice one.” He said, more to himself than for me to hear it. “I’m Razvan. It's lovely to finally meet you.” I shook his hand. It was rough yet soft with elongated fingers caressing my own small and thin one.

“Calypso.”

“What I meant to say, you know, before I shot myself in the foot was that you caught my eye since I first saw you. Now, I swear I'm not stalking you because it could be easy to think after the horrible introduction I just did. But, yeah, I would like to get to know you, if that’s okay with you.”

I did think about it. I swear I did. I thought about how he could be linked to Hydra and if you searched on the deepest paranoid corner, the Avengers. I thought he could’ve been just a random murderer whose floor I had shaken. My voice of reason said no. and with the saddest feeling settling my stomach, I told him what I thought. Or tried to.

“I’m sorry, I-I can’t. You seem like the loveliest person b-but I…” For some reason, I couldn’t just say no. “Can I think about this?” That was the only thing that came out of my mouth while I tried to get the words ‘go away and ‘don’t speak to me’ out of my mouth. His smile faded a bit, but even then he tried to keep his positivity and bright personality on. I could feel the waves of disappointment once I started speaking but hope soon came flooding back.

“Sure. I'm a complete stranger coming here every day just to see you. I can see how that’s alarming. take your time.” He shook his head as if realizing what he had just said. He chuckled and I tried to give him a small smile. Before I could turn away and leave, I felt him touch my elbow. I jumped back.

His brows furrowed quickly. “Forgive me. This is for you. And please accept it.” I thought about refusing but this would only prolong this meeting, pushing me to accept a company I wasn't ready for. I took the small box, my hand already trying to open the shimmering blue box. “No, please. Open it later, more calmly and everything and you can tell me whenever you’re ready if you like it.” I gave him a smile, which he returned brightly before diving back inside the back of the store.

Once inside, I undid the delicate ribbon, watching it dissolve like seafoam by the lovely blue water. The glistening gold chain with a tiny, colorful Koi fish rested in the center of the box. My heart swelled and I felt a way I hadn’t felt since Bucky. He remembered what I had told him that first, and the only time we had talked before today.

The voice of Andrei brought me out of my stupor with a jump. A hand traveled to grasp my heart while the other held the box tightly.

“Razvan is nice guy.” His voice was gruff and deep like it had been since I had met him. He walked behind me and grabbed a pack of flour to dump beside me. I looked towards the other and realized I was running out of it.

“Do you know him?”

“Yes. Comes every day for two years. Great boy.”

When I didn’t say anything, he stopped cutting open the pack of flour and turned to look at me. “You too reserved. Not want to end like Andrei alone. Give guy chance.” That was all he said before he left. A tall wrinkly woman with short red hair calling out for him.

The last thing I thought that day after he left drove me to the same road he had set me on. I didn’t want to end alone or die alone for that matter. But what was I to do if everyone thought I was a selfish monster who just wanted to kill and bring chaos? The only person who didn’t feel that particular way was the same man I was leaving without saying goodbye.

Stark seemed to have gathered his words together because he suddenly began spewing some shit on Andrei. shit, he didn’t like it.

“The girl is no selfish girl. Only a fool like yourself would think so. Only a blind man would propose such a thing.” His brows were furrowed but Otherwise, he was calmly standing at the bottom of the stairs sipping his milk. He seemed like he would continue but I made sure to stop him

“Andrei, no.”

“I see. She holds you hostage and controls you, doesn’t she?” Stark countered, a smirk settling in his features. I pinched my nose, sighing loudly.

“You have to leave with this buffoon?” I walked down to his side, muttering an annoyed yes. “I’m sadder for you than him.” A chuckle escaped him as he hugged my shoulders with one arm. I tried to push him away but found no will to do so. I would miss Andrei. He felt like the father I never had. Worry settled in my stomach knowing I had been here and I would no longer be if anything happened to him. I hugged him back, despite my better judgment and the four pairs of eyes staring back at me.

“Don’t forget about me, violet. Nor dear Razvan.’ He told me after letting me go. I nodded before calling back to my two companions. Stark came down, slowly walked to the front door. Bucky at his heels. They both turned. Bucky’s face had some sort of emotion I couldn't decipher. I thought I could, but I doubt he would feel happy about finding someone genuine to spend my days with.

Stark, on the other hand, looked at Andrei as if he had grown an extra head.

“I’m confused. Aren’t you supposed to be dying at her touch or something? Are you sure she didn’t threaten you to act this way?” The funny thing was, he sounded genuinely confused. The skepticism in his voice hurt my feelings but the mere fact it was stark made me forget quickly. He was an insensitive prick with a personal vendetta.

“Take this fool away before I turn him into a human pastry,” Andrei commented. I walked towards them, chuckling. “Ai grijă, violet aprins.” Take care, fiery violet. The elder said before we shut the door behind us. my heart swelled at his words. I knew I would long for those quiet evenings where it would rain and we would sit down in the living room with a book, quietly enjoying our presence. We laughed and made new and invented pastries in the kitchen for days, always looking for new and innovative flavors. I would miss the man that had treated me like his daughter.

“Take care, Pop.” I whispered to myself. Not thinking a long-haired blue-eyed soldier would hear.

And just like that, we disappeared quietly into the night and I said goodbye to one of the most important people in my life.

James let me know they came in the Quinjet, that enormous thing I had refused to sit on two years ago. the walk was not far from where we were and we found it in a while.

The Quinjet was hidden behind one of the buildings next to the bakery. the gigantic thing sleeping while we arrived to climb up. clint stood outside, his arms crossed. that man always looked like he was in a power pose.

“Romania? What is it with chased people and Romania?” Confusion and genuine interest were written all over his face.

Barton had always been a friend before I knew the truth. Nat told me she had told him in a drunken stupor. he tried to talk to her about telling me but she didn’t listen. I didn’t hold it against him because I knew he wasn’t actively participating but he didn’t do anything either.

I shrugged. “It’s a good hiding place. too many criminals organizations for you to matter. nobody cares who the hell you are as long as you keep quiet.”

“Good shadow place.” Bucky added as he tried to help me get in the Quinjet. I ignored his hand, focusing on Clint’s face.

“Exactly.” My response was clipped. if he was fishing for a normal conversation he was in for a treat.

After a while, we took off. My legs became restless as I sat in front of Stark and Bucky while Clint piloted the flying thing. boredom pushed me to get up from my seat and walk towards the front of the Quinjet. that, and Straks glare along with the awkwardness of Bucky’s movements.

Clint’s focused face came into view as I sat beside him. silence engulfed the both of us before he broke the silence with some words I didn’t expect.

“We missed you.” it was a quiet remark but full of shocking force. I just sat there, wide-eyed looking towards the already clearing sky. I looked towards him and forced myself to respond. a scoff came out of me, causing Clint to look rapidly towards me.

“You have no reason to believe me, but it’s the truth. Nat was pretty shaken up when you left. we looked for you everywhere and decided you didn’t want to be found. that you needed some time. it took you longer than we thought.”

“You didn’t find me because you didn’t look. You don’t have to lie to me, Barton.” I said, masking the hurt I felt with anger. why keep lying to me? I knew they didn’t care sop they didn’t need to act as they did.

“What? we did loo-” He never finished his sentence since Stark’s voice boomed around the small space. he came to let us know where would land soon as if we didn’t know already. Clint was the pilot, it was impossible for us to not know. suspicion arose in my chest but I soon forgot it when I saw the massive compound below us.

✹✹✹ I would be lying if I said my stomach wasn’t fluttering and my hands trembled slightly. I subtly rubbed my hands in my jeans, hoping to get some moisture away. But, there was something else bothering me. It had been there for a little while. The emptiness in my chest divided in two, as though… I don’t even know. The doors slid with a swift sound and my heart rate hit new floors.

I tried to avoid showing any emotion I felt. Seeing them surrounding the long table, all in their daily clothing made it hard to remember. I couldn’t show the happiness of seeing them all right after two years. Nor could I show the excitement deep in my bones seeing Wanda’s face. I couldn’t forget the damage (situation) those high-held beings made to my heart.

I looked at them with a mask of indifference firmly placed.

Wanda was the first to step forwards, as I knew she would. I didn’t expect her to but a part of me screamed how she had been the only real friend through the year I spent in this cage. I resisted the urge to hug her, touch her, and receive the reassurance I so deeply wanted.

“I thought- we thought you were dead.” The revelation shocked me. It felt as though they couldn’t believe I was alive. But I was. The question was… why did they think so?

“Nop. Still kicking.” I replied.

“Unfortunately.” I heard Stark mutter under his breath. I rolled my eyes and resisted the urge to kick him. I could make him feel a true kick in his brain. And his ass, too.

“Y/n!” A high-pitched voice came from the corner next to me. The smiley face of Pepper Potts came rushing towards me, engulfing me in a hug. My nerve endings shot and I prayed my instinctive responses wouldn’t go through. Fortunately for me, they didn’t. Before I could even think to hold her back—which I wouldn’t have done anyway— she stepped back. Smile intact and a gleam in her eyes capable of illuminating the whole room.

“Jesus. You’ve changed so much!” Her hands settled on my shoulder, holding softly and slightly shaking my shocked frame. “I missed you.” Her vice took a sweet edge and her head lolled to the side. Her eyes scrutinized me with the look of a mother who had just seen her child after a hard year abroad. I resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably out of her grasp. I wasn’t used to this.

“Honey, leave the feral alien alone.” Tony’s voice reached my ears. “We have important matters to discuss.”

“God, Tony. Give us a break. We haven’t seen the kid in two years.” Natasha’s ______ filled the room as I saw her taking steps towards me. I noticed there were no relaxed steps but tense and wary. Her eyes held a sort of apology mixed with caution.

I just stared. Deep inside I didn’t know how to react to someone I hadn’t seen in a long time, someone who betrayed me gets closer. Her body language told me she was sorry but still cautious of my reaction but I didn’t know if I should forgive her. Her right hand stretched towards my frame. I shifted uncomfortably in place, moving slightly away from her.

I saw her eyes roam my body, noticing the discomfort. She came to a halt three feet away from me. Her lips were pursed as she let her head drop for a second. She recovered quickly, extending her same hand towards me, this time to shake my hand.

“It’s good to have you back, Y/n.”

I took her hand in mine, shaking firmly. I nodded my head towards her. My lips pursed. The movement of Wanda’s body caught my eye. She stepped closer to me, her hands nervously trembling beside her big, red jumper.

“Can I hug you?” Hearing those words coming out of her froze the ongoing flow of blood through my veins. I was shocked, to say the least. I bet I looked like a gaping fish as an incomprehensible string of detached words escaped my lips. Everyone else seemed as surprised as I was. For completely different reasons I would bet. As Stark had said, they thought I was a free being.

She waited patiently, probably aware of the shock and ongoing battle I had inside me. She was the only one aware of my thoughts about showing anything besides contempt. And she knew why. But I sent it all to hell and for once, I did what I wanted to do. I nodded.

Her smile was worth enough as she moved quickly towards me, as though worried I would change my opinion. Her thin arms wrapped around my neck, my lack of height apparent as my 5’1 ass reached her shoulders. I resisted the urge to cry as I wrapped my arms around her back, relishing in a familiar face that didn’t hate my only existence.

“I missed you.” It was a whisper, only for me to hear. A small smile escaped my lips as hope blossomed in my chest. Hope that maybe I wasn’t a lost cause. Hope that maybe someday I could have a family.

“I did too, Red.” I murmured back. Careful to not raise my voice as I didn’t want anyone to know anything. I felt oddly vulnerable to be hugging someone let alone hugging someone in front of seven people. I noticed Vision staring and I gave him a subtle nod, a small smile creeping upon my lips. He nodded back with that usual blank expression not in compass with the feelings he harbored. After some time, I let her go before Stark had another remark to make.

I noticed Steve leaning against a far-away table, maybe ten feet away from where I was. His head lowered, eyes on the ground. His arms surrounded his build, hugging himself with a heavy frown on his face. He didn’t want to look towards me and I thought I knew why. He was ashamed of what he did. He was guilty anyway you looked at it. He was guided by Bucky to do everything. He followed the man despite knowing it was wrong. Not because your friend tells you to throw yourself out the window means you’ll do it. He knew full well what was wrong and right. He knew Barnes' proposal was as low as a man could get.

If he didn’t apologize and acknowledge what he did, he was dead to me. I mean, he had tried to apologize that day, but I was devastated and no words came through my anger.

There were a few handshakes and subtle nods here and there before I noticed a presence missing. I looked around for the usual big man with an overinflated sense of heroism but didn’t find him. He was big enough for anyone to spot him. I felt a pang in my chest and a tingle at the back of my head and I knew something was wrong. The air shifted and my hands started trembling slightly.

“Where’s my brother?” I asked, my voice slightly shaky. I tried to compose myself, knowing he had to be alright or I would’ve felt something.

“We don’t know. We couldn’t get a hold of him.” Natasha replied. I noticed the subtle worry etched in her face lines.

Suddenly, I understood that emptiness inside me. That swirling emotion unlatched to an earthy body. One of the connectors inside of me, besides bucky’s, was empty. It didn’t have any energy to connect to.

No.

No.

No.

I didn’t realize I began hyperventilating while the word repeated itself over and over in my head. My chest rose and fell quickly while the air got caught in my throat. My hand shot out to grasp anything in reach I could hold myself up with.

“Y/n?! What’s wrong?” Wanda was the first to step forward and grab my elbow. Her soft touch didn't completely register in my sensory sense. The only thing in my mind was the heavy colorless fog swirling around in my insides.

The worst part was, I didn’t know which of my brothers it belonged to. I thought about them and how long it had been since I had seen them. Since I had been with them.

“Can you all excuse me?” I pulled myself together and without waiting for a response, I hurried across the room. I thought about the me that they just saw but somewhere deep down, I didn’t care.

I hurried, passing Steve's body. This time, he looked intently at me. I didn’t expect him to stand up and grab my shoulders. By this point, my vision was blurry and I tried hard to reconnect with the missing life essence.

“Y/n, I-”

“Can we do this later, Rogers?” I spat, cutting him off before getting my elbow out of his grasp. I left, shuddering and feeling a wave of anger rising in my chest.

What a good way to make a comeback.

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Chubbs

Warnings: Jamie Benn, male insecurities manifesting as possessiveness, self-body shaming, it'll probably be a bit smutty....

A companion piece to Insecure.

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There was something amiss with your husband. You didn't know exactly what that was, but you only had a few more weeks until training camp so you hoped it would be a brief thing. That had been a vain hope after two weeks if him sulking through the house. Always grabbing a kid and finding an excuse to be elsewhere. If you had to identify it you could guess maybe he felt a little neglected this summer.

First you'd had family around, celebrating birthdays and what not, then you'd had to deal with a fussy teething baby and a jealous toddler, now Tyler had moved in temporarily because he was having his floors replaced. Something about a burst water heater. It was a far cry from a few years ago when you and Jamie would've gone traveling, and hanging out with friends. He was finally dealing with the family-man lifestyle and you could only figure he wasn't loving where it left him sometimes.

To be honest you didn't always love it either. You missed just picking up and going to watch him play in the middle of a long road trip, but pouting about not getting quality time was a bit much. It was just where you were with two little kids, and responsibilities to friends and family. Not to mention it had killed your sex life the last few weeks.

You decided naptime would be the perfect time to talk to Jamie, so after putting the boys down for their nap, and making sure Tyler had gone home to check in on the progress, you slipped into a bikini and went to meet Jamie poolside. You knew that's where he would be, since that's where you'd left him after Wyatt's swim lesson. He'd stayed outside reading when you'd taken the boys upstairs for nap time. It was a routine when he was home that he handled sleep schedules, but he'd let you sleep in this morning managing breakfast solo so you took the nap shift.

"Hey mister, can I join you?" You joked sitting next to him on a lounger.

"Huh, yeah of course," he mumbled not really looking up from his phone.

You began applying sun tan lotion, hoping the movement would get him to look at you, but when it didn't you nudged him with the bottle, "Babe, help me with my back?"

He looked almost wary as he took the bottle, and helped put lotion on your back. You let out a soft moan at the feel of the cool lotion, mixed with his rough hands. You felt him falter, before he quickly finished and went back to his phone.

You rolled your eyes at that, "What are you doing, Jame?"

"Just reading some stuff the trainers sent over," he said. "Wanna get ready for training camp."

About that time Tyler showed up, pulling his shirt off and plopped down on the other side of Jamie, "Mom, Dad I'm home!"

You laughed, but didn't miss the slight eye roll from your husband. You filed that information away, as Tyler started going into a dialogue about how his repairs were going. Somewhere in that Jamie just stood up and walked inside.

"Sorry Tyler, he's usually a much better host," you apologized watching your husband's retreating back.

"Eh, I get it I'm probably overstaying my welcome. I can get a hotel, so long as your good with watching the dogs. I don't think they'll be allowed," he mused.

"Nonsense, I'm going to go talk to him. You're not going anywhere, we said you could stay until your house was livable and we meant it," you scolded. "Just...maybe, if you hear the baby could you grab him?" You waited for his nod before leaving the baby monitor with him and going in search of Jamie.

You found him in your bedroom, laying back on the bed with his arm over his eyes. You took him in for a moment before shutting the door quietly behind you. When Jamie didn't move you decided to just dive right in.

You moved next to him and sat on the edge of the bed, "What's going on Jamie?" You asked softly.

"Nothing, just.... Nevermind it's nothing," he sighed out.

"You just walked away from your best friend mid-conversation, I don't think that's nothing," you pressed gently.

"If his feelings matter so damn much why don't you go out there with him. You're not usually his type, but he's been known to make exceptions," Jamie spit out bitterly.

"Okay, what the fuck Jamie!"

The silence that followed had you going to your dresser, pulling on a pair of shorts and a tank top, "You wanna sit here and sulk, fine! But don't accuse me of that, we both know that's not the kind of girl I am." Before you could reach the door he was on you, pulling your small frame into his body.

"No, then what kind of girl are you?" He mumbled into your neck before move up to kiss you roughly. You denied him entrance for a moment, but a rough nip caused you to gasp allowing him in.

"I asked you a question baby," he growled out as he let you up for air. Pushing you back onto the bed with softer hands than his tone should've allowed.

"I....I'm," you're response was cut off by Jamie pushing your shirt off to reveal your stomach, finally back to it's pre-baby flatness, peppering you with tender kissed mixed with sharp nips along your skin. You whimpered as he used the time to push the shorts off your body as well, pushing your bikini bottoms to the side and running a finger up your slit.

"Come on sweetheart, you can do it," he mocked lightly.

"Jamie, please," you cried out. The absence of his body over yours for weeks mixed with his teasing touches leaving you overwhelmed.

"Tell me what kind of girl you are, and I'll get you what you want," he compromised.

"I'm your girl," you spit out, as he plunged a finger in your core.

"You are, you're my girl baby, don't forget that," he praised. "Now you're going to cum for me, just like this and then I'm going to fuck you right here."

He kept thrusting his fingers into you, adding in a thumb rubbing against you clit, "Eyes on me." He commanded as you fell apart against his fingers.

You barely had time to gather yourself before he had his cock inside of you. You groaned at the feeling of him sliding home, as he leaned into you neck releasing a small groan of his own. After a couple of testing thrusts into you he resurfaced.

"That's my girl," he grunted out. "Feel how well you fit around my cock? This pussy was made for me."

You moaned out at his words, only able to lift your hips to meet his thrusts. "Say it," he commanded with a sharp thrust.

"M...my pussy was made for you," you whimpered out.

"Whose girl are you?" His voice was demanding and rough.

"Your's!" You were rewarded with a rough thrust of his hips, encouraging you.

"I'm all yours Jamie," you whispered in his ear. "No one else gets to touch me like this. No one else gets to fuck me."

His hips never stopped after that as he shoved you over the edge, crying out as you came around him. He pounded you through your orgasm and buried his rough, bearded face into your neck. His nips and sucking would mean a dark hickey, but you couldn't care in that moment. His fingers found your nub again as he worked you up to bring you over the edge one more time before he painted your walls with thick ropes of cum.

You stayed like that for a little while. Just stroking his hair as he kissed and nipped at your skin, "You ready to talk about it?" You asked.

Jamie sighed readjusting so you were next to him, his arm around your waist, "You know how I didn't really start working out until I got drafted? I made it to the stars and a few of this guy's would chirp me about being a little chubby. Whatever it was just guy stuff, I started working out and I got a nickname. I never really felt insecure about it, until Tyler started walking around my damn house shirtless. All I could think about was that every girl seems to prefer that and I don't compare. Isn't that just pathetic? I'm jealous like a thirteen year old girl," he confessed.

"I don't prefer that," you replied. "I prefer the guy who is home to help with the kids, and always down for mexican food," You moved to straddle him. "I like that you don't spend hours a day at the gym, so you can come home and read to the boys. I like that you give the best warm hugs, and you always know when I need to cuddle. I love you Jamie Benn, not some hyper-sexualized professional athlete."

He kissed you at that, and grinned, "Didn't you make me fuck you in full gear once?"

"Shhhh," you pressed your fingers to his lips. "We're not going to talk about that."

"Fine then we're going swimming, it's hot as hell," he laughed pulling you downstairs, insecurities forgotten. You grinned at him as you just enjoyed his energy.

It was good to have your husband back.

Take Me Away (Helmut Zemo x F!SE Asian!Plus Size! Reader) [PART 2]

Word Count: 1507

Description: The unassuming prison librarian catches Zemo’s attention. When he escapes, she could take him back to prison. But does she?

Author's Note: The written draft for this looks like a kid's drawing of a tornado. I hope it's all worth it though! I haven't curated a tag list when the reviews were rolling in for part 1, so if I missed you, please let me know. To anyone else who's only stumbling upon this now and wants to follow the story, tell me too!

Warnings: cursing, experimentation, injury resulting in bruising

Tags:

@whoabrekker, @kindledimagines, @s-ara-bel, @viviace, @sorcerersofnyc

(Y/N) put on a black, cup-sleeved blouse and the only black pencil skirt she owned.

Being five feet meant every skirt of that style stopped right around her ankles.

It was a damn miracle she found one that not only circled her knees, but didn't outline her wide waist.

She did her makeup—primer, foundation, black liner, dark red lips—and swept some powder over her round face.

In the mirror, she inspected her oval, glass-like pendant surrounded by a silver backing.

Sky blue.

She did have a good cry the previous night. This time, however, relief didn't present itself.

Unsurprised, (Y/N) parted her hair to the right and shifted her focus on styling it: half up with the adjoining sections braided.

After securing them with a hair tie, she held her bang down over her hairline with her left hand and crossed two bobby pins over the strands with her right.

Stepping into her black flats, she smiled a little. She had something to look forward to, at least.

-

It's been months since their first meeting. She wondered if her knew. Time was nonexistent where he was, she imagined.

The morning was spent looking up in anticipation whenever someone walked into the library, only to be met with another prisoner, who she would greet curtly.

She hoped her disappointment didn't show. It would have made for some awkward check-outs.

As much as she tried not to think about it, he gave her a sense of comfort like no one has before. Or maybe he was the only constant in her day-to-day, other than her work schedule.

She couldn't bear the thought of being nothing to him. Hell, she most likely was. Why wouldn't she? Because he talked about books and his day with her? He could easily say how much he liked the meatloaf to the lunch lady.

"Hello, (Y/N)."

That accent. Sokovian, she learned only recently.

Her head spun, eyes darted towards the left entrance.

"Zemo!" her mouth drew back in a smile wider than she had all day. "How are you?"

He closed his eyes, pursed his lips and shrugged one shoulder. "Good."

With his hands crossed behind his back, he browsed the display of Banned Books set up across the desk.

"I'd forgotten it was Wednesday," he smiled softly. "It's easy to lose track of time here."

She didn't know why, but she felt compelled to ask him. Perhaps the need for validation, like confirmation that she had, in fact, locked all her doors before leaving for the day.

"Zemo?" (Y/N) spoke.

His head turned, thin lips flat and forehead bunched up.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

Just as the last syllable escaped her, she wanted to pull the string of words back. Again, who was to say he didn't act the same to anyone else? Why did she care so much anyway?

But he didn't laugh nor leer with arrogance.

He sauntered over to the desk, eyes on the floor. Probably mulling over a response.

When he met her gaze, his curl fell back into place. "You're very kind. I find that the longer I've been here, the more I lose my humanity."

Silence befell the air between them.

His hands were folded over the counter and he pointed his thumbs towards her. "You give me back that humanity."

(Y/N) didn't know what she expected, but it certainly wasn't that.

"I know a little bit of what that's like," her bottom lip quivered.

For a second, she thought she could hear the beeping of a monitor she was hooked to five years ago.

Tormented screams echoed from another room down the hall and the pendant on her neck burned her tan skin. Instinctively, her hand jolted in an attempt to stop the stinging sensation, but the restraints prevented her from doing so.

Meanwhile, the man in a lab coat who stood over her shook his head and chuckled at the screen at the foot of her bed before he scribbled on a clipboard.

Tears lined her eyes. She'd given up putting up a brave face long ago. After all, the pendant would just give her away.

"(Y/N)?"

Zemo's voice brought her back.

She blinked and felt something warm on her hand: it was his.

He shyly pulled it back when she spotted it.

"I was... I was trying to shake you," he stammered. "Is everything okay?"

(Y/N)'s mouth morphed into a small, curved line. "Yeah, I'm... I'm fine. I just spaced out."

He frowned and paused.

"I'm sorry," he pinched his palm and back of his hand. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, no," (Y/N) insisted. "Just some bad memories came up."

"Do they happen often?" Zemo wondered aloud.

She held her pendant between her thumb and index finger. "I try not to let it. I keep it to myself. I know it's not a good thing, but I have no one to talk to."

He doesn't want to hear this, she scolded herself mentally. Shut up.

"Well, I'm here," Zemo said. "I... don't have anyone either."

"Thank you," she looked away in shame.

He rolled his lips in, inhaled then exhaled, rolling his lips back out. "Someone as caring as yourself deserves the same treatment she gives."

Schmidt, the guard at the door called to Zemo. "Hey. Five minutes."

(Y/N)'s eyes widened and she leaned back. "Oh, I've taken up your time!"

The inmate gently reassured her. "I want to renew my book. The rest of the time, I wanted with you."

Her cheeks flushed, (Y/N) pulled a form from a manila folder nestled in a filing cabinet.

After filling it out, he returned it to her.

"I'll see you on Friday," he waved, worry still on his face.

Following a shy goodbye from (Y/N), she pulled up the spreadsheet on the library computer to update the log.

-

The walls of the empty corridor amplified the clomp, clomp, clomp of her flats as she made her way to lunch.

(Y/N) swung her black, leather wristlet by the strap in time with her steps.

Amidst the sounds she was making, she heard some others.

There was a thud and running footsteps the closer she got to whatever fell.

She discovered it wasn't what fell, but rather who.

"Hey! Are you o—" (Y/N) called to the person but gasped when she saw the head of straight, brown hair. "Zemo!"

She fast-walked to him and knelt down by his head, which was turned to the side.

"Zemo?" she shook his shoulder.

When he didn't respond, she took his cheeks in her hands so his nose pointed to the ceiling.

Her jaw dropped at the sight of a black eye.

"Fuck!" she hissed and moved so her knees brushed over his locks.

Though she wasn't strong physically, she was able to prop his shoulders up and lay his head on her lap.

She put her wallet down and exhaled an 'okay...', her upper back tensed and relaxed. With the fingertips of her left hand resting on the edge of Zemo's bruised eye, she reached for her walkie talkie clipped to the waistband of her skirt and radioed the incident in.

The center of her pendant emitted a white glow. When the light got brighter, his uninjured eye squinted. (Y/N) was too focused on answering security's questions and reading off the number on Zemo's shirt sleeve to notice.

"Ah..." she groaned and winced. "Okay, thanks."

Once she lowered the device and returned it to her skirt, she checked the status of her care.

"Shit…" she massaged the socket of her left eye with the knuckle of her right index finger.

"(Y/N)?" came a familiar rasp from her lap.

Through her pendant's rays, she saw the sliver of a brown eye staring back at her.

"Shh," Zemo's savior held a finger to her lips. "Help is on the way."

When she could make out the forms of two guards at the end of the hall, she took her hand off his eye, subsequently killing the light from the glass dome hanging from the velvet band on her neck.

"We'll take it from here," one of the men in uniform nodded at the librarian and helped Zemo up.

When he was back on his feet, he stood perfectly, much to the guards' amazement.

Had it not been for the red splotch lining his socket, they wouldn't have guessed he was just knocked out.

Upon closer inspection, the second guard saw the bruised eye open.

Zemo's brows came together in confusion. He touched the affected area and felt no pain.

After a second of stunned silence, the two men talked him into going to the infirmary to get checked out.

He may feel fine, they urged, but he still looked in bad shape.

"Come on," the first guard held the prisoner by the arm and walked towards the same doors he arrived in with his partner.

Zemo glanced over his shoulder, where (Y/N) went the opposite direction, her fingers massaging her brow bone.

Christmas Shopping

Chapter 3 - Addicted to you.  

A/N: It felt so weird writing/editing this chapter in the middle of summer, but that’s how their timeline worked out! I can’t remember the last time I released a H&L chapter or wrote one to be fair, I think after this I have 2 more in drafts. Better get back to it! I hope you like it 😘  

Tagging those who asked to be tagged but if you want to be added let me know!

Read previous chapters HERE!

Warnings: Fluff & NSFW

Songs: Kelly Rowland - Commander, Rihanna - Only girl, Magic - Rude & Wyclef Jean - Perfect gentleman.

Word Count: 2673

Pairings: Laila x Harry

Enjoy! 😘  

A couple days later.

"So what are you going to get Harry for Christmas?" Nikki asks her as they had taken a break from shopping to have some lunch. "I have no idea what to get him!" she sighs. "I'm sure he'll be happy with you in some sexy lingerie," Nikki winks at her Laila lets out a loud laugh making people turn to look at her. "Or you can get him a Santa costume?" she laughs.

"What are you getting Stu?" Laila changes the subject. "He wants a new aftershave, I can't remember what he normally wears. What does Harry wear?" Laila has a think "Erm...a few different ones really Paco Rabanne One Million, Davidoff cool water, Boss Bottle that one what's his face is in the advert....the guy that plays Thor. Is one he smelt recently and liked but he didn't get it because they sold out and only had the sample bottle."

"You can get him that! I might have a sniff to see if it's something Stu would wear too!"

After lunch, they are walking through the shopping centre, Nikki ended up getting Stu some aftershave. Laila was still unsure what to get Harry, so Nikki drags her into Ann Summers. "What about these??" Nikki holds up some fluffy handcuff, Laila snorts. "We already have some, but without the fluff!" Nikki puts down the cuffs "What about cock ring? Closest Harry will get to sticking a ring on it!"

"We have that too," Laila blushes. "Crotch less knickers?" Laila nods signalling she has those. "Weighted love ball?" she asks and Laila again nods. "Feather tickler?" nod, "Blind fold? Riding crop?" Laila again nods, "Jeez, it would be easier to ask what you haven't got!" the pair laugh, "What? It has been eight years remember!" Laila winks at her.

"What about anal beads or ball gag?" Laila pulls a disgusted face "Finally! What about nipple clamps?" Laila laughs, "Only if they're being used on him!" she laughs. "God! Just think 6 months ago you were a born again virgin...now look at you! Getting more action than all of us put together!" Nikki giggles "Just over 7 months actually!" Laila corrects her.

Laila's phone Pings.

"Nikki! Look what Harry has done to Mabel!" she hands her the phone. "Awwww! Laila how adorable do she look!" the pair coo over the photo. "Has she met her new dog walker yet?" Nikki asks as she hands back the phone "She's met her, she's actually taking her out today." she smiles.

They ended up leaving the shop with some Christmas theme lingerie.

Later.

Laila arrives home all the lights are out "Harry?" Laila calls out. "I'm in the living room!" he calls back, she hangs up her coat and makes her way across the hall. When she opens the living room door the room is lit with tea and fairy lights, there are blankets and cushions on the floor in front of the coffee table. On the coffee table there is a chocolate fondue with fruit and marshmallows next to it "Aww Bear! What's all this?" she wanders over to him on the floor. "Where's Mabel?" she looks round the room as she sits next to him.

"She's gone to bed, Nessa took her for a 2 mile walk today!" he cups her face pulling her in for a soft kiss. "Aww, are they getting on OK?" he smiles, "Yeah, I've booked her in for Monday to Friday this week coming about lunchtime, so you'll met her this week."

"Right, enough about this dog walker. Are you going to let me feed you?" she winks, he leans forward grabbing a strawberry and hands it to her. She dips it into the chocolate and guilds it towards his lips, he's just about to take a bite when she redirects it to her mouth and takes a bite. He laughs and reaches over and pulls her lips to his. His tongue swirls with hers tasting the chocolate covered strawberry, he pulls away "That was amazing!" he grins at her.

She grabs another strawberry covers it in chocolate and traces it against his pulse line. Her tongue follows the same path, he groans and his breathing hitches as she pulls away she places the strawberry against his lips, he takes a bite. His lips brush over her finger tips making her every nerve ending stand on end. He knows the affect he has on her "How was that?" 

"Tasty!" he grins and winks at her "Your turn." he picks up a marshmallow covers it in chocolate holds it out for her to bite into it. "Hmmm..!" she smiles at him "Did you get all your shopping done?"

"I need to order a couple of bits online, but after that..I'm done."

"Christmas day, what are we doing?" he asks.

She sighs, "I don't know how we are going to split between them all!" she leans against him and his arm comes around her. "I have an idea....as it's our first Christmas together, what if we did Christmas day just me, you and Mabel? In bed in our PJ's? I'll cook us Christmas dinner. Then Boxing day we do a buffet for both families?" she sits up to look at him "So, a lazy Christmas day? In bed?"

"Yeah...PJ's, snuggles in bed and a Harry Taylor roast. What more could a girl ask for?!" he winks waiting for her answer. "I love it!" his face lights up "Really?!" he questions her. "Yeah, Christmas day in bed with my hunky boyfriend, but I have one alteration....no pajamas!" He raises a brow to her, "Noted!" he jokes. "Instead Christmas jumpers!!!" this wasn't the answer he was expecting.

She giggles "Your face! But I want matching Christmas pajamas!" He chuckles "OK, but no photos my brothers will rip into me!" she sighs "Oh! Come on, one photo? Just to make me happy?" she pouts. "Fine, if it makes you happy." she claps getting her own way, "I think you owe it to Mabel after today!"

He chuckles "She looked cute!" "She did! Oh are you working Saturday?" she asks. "I don't think so?" he questions. "Every Christmas we do a friends Christmas party, kinda like a blow out before the family stuff. Nikki has planned it for Friday night and she has found somewhere that is having a 90's to 2020's night"

"Sounds good, who's going?" he asks. "Remy, Alec, Nikki, Stu, Alene, Daniel and now us!" she smiles. "I'm guessing we get completely smashed then?" she laughs.

Friday evening.

They arrive at the club Nikki found, Laila and Harry are the last to arrive.

Laila notices Stu and Nikki at the bar, she sneaks up behind her Stu spy's her, but Laila puts her index finger to her lips signalling him not to say anything. As she reaches Nikki, she wraps her arms around waist, making Nikki whip round with a face like thunder until she realises it was her friend "Laila, I was just about to...whatever. Glad you guys are here." she shouts over the music.

"Sorry, Mabel's walker got back late. Where are the others?" Laila calls back, Nikki points over to a table where the rest of the group are sat. Harry leans in, "Shall we get a drink first?" Laila nods "What you guys having?" Stu asks. "I know Laila's drink, Harry what ya having?" Nikki asks.

After they make their way over to the others "Hey!!" Laila call out as she takes a seat next to Alec, who hugs her and Harry. They are sat for a few minutes when Kelly Rowland - Commander begins to play Nikki jumps up, grabbing Laila's hand dragging her to the dance floor.

Nikki starts to sing along.

"From here on out

I'll be your commander (I'll be your commander)

No fear no doubt

I'll provide the answer

Right now I command you to dance"

She points to Laila, who starts to sing along with her. The pair are dancing on the edge of the dance floor in view of the table, laughing, their bodies swaying to the music the pair attract a couple of strangers, who slowly move closer to them waiting to make their move to become their unwanted dance partners.

Completely oblivious to the unwanted strangers, the song switches to Rihanna - Only Girl they continue to dance. Suddenly both girls feel someone behind them as they turn they saw Stu and Harry, Laila looks up at him confused "I thought you don't dance?" she laughs. He wraps his hands round her, swaying her as he leans in, "I don't, but those blokes behind me were inches away from trying to dance with you two."

She looks behind him "Oh, you didn't want me dancing with a stranger?" she laughs, he shook his head and they continued dancing away.

The next song was Magic - Rude as it starts up Laila starts singing it to Harry when she gets to the chorus he joins in.....

"Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?

Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know

You say I'll never get your blessing till the day I die

'Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is no!'

Why you gotta be so Rude?

Don't you know I'm human too?

Why you gotta be so Rude?

I'm gonna marry her anyway

Marry that girl, marry her anyway

Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say

Marry that girl, and we'll be a family

Why you gotta be so Rude?"

Both grinning and smiling, he cups her face pulling her in for a kiss.

A little later back at the table "Laila, Boxing day....is it OK to bring Melissa?" Alene asks, Laila looks over to Rem. "Is Rem OK with that?" she looks to Alene who nods "If it's OK with Rem it's OK with me." when she looks up Rem mouths "Thank you." to her.

Daniel comes over from the bar with a tray of drinks "Sex on the beach anyone?" he passes them around the group. "Damn Daniel at least buy a girl a drink first!" Alene teases him "Sorry Len, but you aren't my type!" he winks at her, the group laugh.

A little later Perfect Gentleman - Wyclef Jean starts playing a tipsy Harry pulls Laila away from the bar and onto the dance floor. He spins her before pulling her close to him swaying them together. "Hey, you are a liar!! You can dance!" Laila giggles as she wraps her arms around his neck.

"My moo....ves only get bet...ter after I've add....a few." his words are slurred, his hips move with hers. He spins her round again, her body collides with his "I think you need to get drunk at every party or night out if it improves your dance moves!" he smirks before claiming her lips. As they sway with their lips locked, Laila can feel him begin to stiffen against her hips "Hmmm....someone seems to be enjoy themselves a little to much!" She winks.

He looks round checking no one is near, his lips brush against her ear "Can we head home? I got some other kinda moves I want to show you!" she giggles and bites her lip, "Let's go!" they say their goodbyes and head for the tube.

10 Minutes later.

Their underground train arrives empty, he sits and pulls her onto his lap. He captures her lips, the kiss becomes heated, Harry pulls off his coat and places it on her lap. His hand creeps under his coat snaking into her jeans "Bear, not here!" she whispers, he smirks against her lips continuing his trail. He lets out a soft growl. He reaches her hidden jewel, her head rolls back as his lip pepper down her neck.

She bites back a moan as he works between her slick slits.

Through the speaker they hear the next station is their stop, they both groan with disappointment. "Come on, we can continue this at home!" she gets up as the train pulls into their station.

2 Weeks later.

It's the day before Christmas Eve, Laila has just finished her last day until the new year, she wanders into the kitchen, "Oh, Harry! You're home early!" she was sure he mentioned he was training Stu tonight.

He's leaning against the kitchen counter with a whiskey in his hand, he looks over to her "I canceled Stu's PT session....Laila, there's something I need to tell you..."

He looks as if what he's about to tell her is tearing him up inside, her minds goes into overdrive....Was history repeating itself?

"Bear?" she looks at him concerned, he takes a deep breath "When I came back today to take Mabel for a walk at lunch....I bumped into Nessa." she laughs, "What is she annoyed we didn't get her to take Mabel out today?" he silently chuckles, but it quickly fades. "She was walking another client's dog, she asked if she could join Mabel as I was taking her over to the fields. We were just sat on a bench talking...she asked me about work and us. Then this afternoon she turned up at my work for a PT session, I didn't even know she booked. I was giving her a tour of the gym and she tried to kiss me..."

Laila's cheeks burn, but soon drain cold "What?!" was all she could conjure up from her lips. "Laila, I promise you as soon as she leaned in I stepped back. I was just as confused as you are, I asked her to leave after that." she can see he's just as shocked as she is "Laila? Please say something!" he softly pleads with her.

She sighs, making her way over to him cupping his face "Looks like we need to find a new dog walker." she laughs, he rolls his eyes at her. "Hey, It's not the first and probably won't be the last time a client tries to make a move on you....I remember a client making some more steamier moves on you about 7 months ago," she grins at him. He laughs, "Those were wanted moves!" he reminds her. "More than wanted...just look at what happened that night...but I'm glad you told me about Nessa." she pushes up on her tiptoes to kiss his nose.

"I've never given another woman a tour of the changing rooms since." he laughs before continuing "That is how and why we work because we are honest with one another!" he kisses her nose. "OK, can I be really honest..Bear?" he nods, "You stink!! Did you not shower before coming home?" Laila baits him. "Oh, I do? Do I?" he raises a brow to her.

With that he throws her over his shoulder "Harry?! Put me down!" she screams between her laughter. "Sorry, my love that's a no!"  his hand strikes her arse cheek as he begins to climb the stairs with her over his shoulder. "Harry!!"

Later.

Cuddled up on the sofa watching a film "Bear?" he hums in response. "Can I be the one to sack Nessa?" she giggle, he starts searching her hair, "Harry, what are you doing?" she asks. "Looking for your devil horns," he chuckles, "But if it makes you happy...Yes, you can sack her.... to be fair, it means I don't have to deal with her," he starts to stroke her hair back down "Now how to do it? Mwahahaha!!" she fakes an evil laugh, "You really are the devil!" he smiles at her "Oh, you've seen nothing yet, Bear!" she winks.

@aussieez​ @secretaryunpaid​ @lem-20​ @irisofpurple​ @khoicesbyk​ @txemrn​ @wombatsxkookaburras​ @beautifuluknownvoid​

He pulls her onto his lap, so she's straddling him, he cups her face "Why don't you show me?" his lips crash to hers.

Chapter 4

Things We Need More ~ Gavin Reed (DBH)

Requested By: --

A/N: how long have I not touched dbh again? far too long apparently.

fun fact? this chapter is around seven months in my damn drafts.

and this is also my first uploaded one shot for this asshole? asdfghjjkl

anyways, here's something nice because a certain darling of mine needs something for their exams

Also, he may be an asshole but he's our asshole

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More: warm hugs

The brunet detective let out a grunt as he flopped himself on the couch, grabbing some of the couch's cushions and groaned on it to muffle the sound while his lover merely looked at him with amused [Eye color] eyes. Arms crossed as he rosed a brow at the brunet male who just laid there.

"Okay, what happened now?" The [Hair color] haired man had asked as he uncrossed his arms and walked towards his brunet lover who let out another groan.

"Robbers... attack... child... t-that's what happened..." Gavin had said as he took the cushion away from his face and placed it on his stomach and stared blankly at the ceiling as [Hair color] haired man had sat beside the brunet's legs.

"And?" Gavin grumbled out some curses as he maneuvered himself to face his lover, rolling his eyes as he did. The brunet had stayed quiet for a bit as his mind went back to what had happened hours ago. Gavin just blankly stare at his lover who's amusement slowly diminish. After awhile of not getting an answer, [Name]'s lips formed into a frown as he looked at Gavin with worried [Eye color] eyes.

"Gavin?" [Name] softly called the brunet who slowly began to shake. Sitting up as his hands instantly found themselves on his face as he began to explain.

"There was so much fucking blood..." The brunet detective had quietly muttered to himself as he then continued. "S-so much fucking b-blood..." Gavin had muttered. [Name] furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at his lover confused and worried. He couldn't understand Gavin's quiet mumblings and he was curious on why his brunet lover started to act this way.

"What? Gavin I can't hear you." The [Hair color] haired had said as Gavin began to quietly mutter again which the male, once again, did not hear. "Gavin, please I need you to speak up a bit louder."

Again, the brunet merely let out quiet mumblings to himself which frankly, slowly made the [Hair color] haired man was a bit annoyed. What was Gavin so glum about? Did Hank piss him off again?

Sighing, [Name] tried again. "Gavin, can't you speak lo--"

"THERE WAS SO MUCH FUCKING BLOOD OKAY?!?"

The brunet had snapped as he glared at his [Hair color] haired lover who seemed to be surprised from his outburst. Despite the guilt he felt on it, Gavin couldn't stop himself but let out all the pent up emotions of the day take over his thinking. "There was a fucking robbery and they left nothing but a fucking corpse of a fourteen year old boy with a bullet wound in his fucking head and a four year old girl who's skull was fucking cracked open!" Gavin had yelled as he felt the tears fell down his eyes.

"A fucking four year old [Name]! T-they fucking killed her without mercy unlike her older brother!" The brunet had shouted as his mind went back to the scene. The brunet almost vomit on seeing the young girl's corpse, face barely recognizable by her parents.

"She fucking died feeling the fucking pain of her head being bashed repeatedly on the fucking floor unlike her brother who was immediately fucking shot in the head! She fucking died suffering [Name]!" Gavin cried out to his lover. The corpses of the two too young children to die was so painful for the brunet detective. Especially the little girl's where she suffered greatly before death embraced her.

"S-she died p... painfully [Name]..." Gavin had quietly muttered as he sobbed. "S-she was too young... they were t-too young..."

[Name] could only hug his broken lover as Gavin clung onto him. Crying on his chest as the brunet had clutched his shirt. The anguished sobs of his lover made the [Hair color] haired male mutter things to comfort him.

"T... they d-didn't deserved t-this..." Gavin muyyered through his sobs as he felt his lover rubbed his back to soothe him. [Name] brought his lover closer to him as he muttered onto Gavin's neck, "I know love... I'm so sorry for you to witness this..."

"I-I couldn't e-even f... find t-the people who did this to t-them..." [Name] hugged Gavin tigher as he felt his lover shake in his arms. "Shhh, you will love. You'll find these fuckers and have them jailed..." Embracing the brunet tighter in his arms as he consoled Gavin.

More: good sleep

For the past few nights, the brunet haired male couldn't sleep. He felt a bit miserable each night he slept alone in their large bedroom without the comforting embrace and the warm body of his [Hair color] haired lover beside him. For three days or so, the [Hair color] haired man was too busy doing work and would often come home late, more so in around twelve or past two in the morning. It also doesn't help that the brunet male as that haunting scene of the case he had weeks ago was still fresh in his mind.

The brunet male let out a tired sigh as he looked at the empty space beside him where his suppose to be lover lay. Gently patting the empty space with his hand as he wished the other male was right beside him now. Gavin wanted his lover's arms wrapped around him as he get pulled closer in a warn embrace. The feeling of his [Hair color] haired lover just there, embracing him and always affectionately mutter sweet things to his ear that sometimes he felt embarrassed about. He missed [Name] dearly. But he couldn't do much but just imagine the male was there beside him.

After awhile of just mindlessly looking at the empty spot of the [Hair color] haired male, Gavin finally felt himself succumbed to the tiredness he had felt as he slept soundly. Not really noticing the door to their bedroom slowly opened for the very male he was waiting to come in.

[Name], the [Hair color] haired male had some small bags underneathe his eyes from the late shifts he was working through and despite how tired he felt, he softly smiled when he saw his brunet lover sleeping soundlessly on their shared bed.

Slowly, the man had unbuttoned his white dress shirt and putting it on an office chair they had in the room, he then proceed to take his black dress pants off and mindlessly kicked it on the floor. Going through his closet to find a grey sweatpants and a black wifebeater to wear, he then proceed to go over to sleep beside his lover.

[Name] wasn't surprised when as he laid down beside Gavin, the said man had immediately shifted and pressed himself on the [Hair color] haired man's side. The [Hair color] haired man couldn't help but smile softly as he watched his sleeping lover cuddle on him as he slowly wrapped his arms on the brunet, pressing a soft kiss on the male's head as he then closed his eyes. It didn't take long for sleep to take his conscience.

The two slept well that night as Gavin was in his lover's arms. Not a nightmare of that horrid case to be found.

More: adventures

Day offs were the best. That is where he and his [Name] could agree on, other than coffee is the best early in the morning. Gavin would spend his day off just laze around his and his lover's shared home, watch a horror movie and midlessly pet their furry baby, Donut. The fat orange tabby cat who they adopted when Gavin and [Name] moved in with each other and had decided to just sit on the house's back porch to enjoy the calm day a few years back.

Gavin was laying his head on [Name]'s lap. The [Hair color] haired man stroking and playing his brown locks. A donut in Gavin's hand as he ranted about a suspect on a case he had few days ago. Talking animatedly as [Name] looks down at him with ove in his eyes and a smile on his lips. Listening to Gavin talk and comment at times.

The two were having a peaceful time with each other when a meow was heard and before the brunet knew it, an orange blur passed by him and saw that it had took the donut in his hand. Gavin let out a cry as he immediately sat up, almost hitting his head with [Name]'s if the other man had not been startled and reeled back because of Gavin's cry and actions.

Gavin, having to sat back up and frantically tried to look at the culprit who took his donut. A bit enrage because it was his favorite one and was planning to hit whatever thing that took it-- only to see a few feet away from him and his lover was seating at, close to the fence was a tabby cat, consuming his donut.

After that, [Name] had caught the furry rascal and immediately fell inlove. The [Hair color] haired man silently pleading Gavin on taking care of the cat but the brunet didn't agreed. His reason was that the cat took his donut. His favorite and last donut.

The brunet male was ready to come inside and hopefully find another snack to eat but when he looked at [Name] who was holding the fat cat... he gaved up. He was stubborn and very against it.

Until the two-- [Name] and the cat-- pouted and gave him a pleading look. Both looks made the brunet cave in and that was when they officially had their first "baby".

A fat, lazy, furry, annoying baby who craves attention. Especially from the [Hair color] haired man. The detective swear that the cat gives him the smuggest look a cat can do when [Name] pets him and switch his attention from Gavin to Donut. Cooing and smothering the orange tabby cat with all the love and affection while Gavin silently fumed in rage as the cat-- a fucking cat had the audacity to look so smug when it looked at him while his own lover was cooing and showing affection to it.

That was where Gavin realize how much he loved yet also hated cats.

"I will call you Donut-- no [Name]. I will name this little shit rug right here. No. You forced me to adopt with this little asshole and I have the power to name him. Now, where was I? Right. I will call you Donut, because HOLY SHIT, I DO NOT FEEL LIKE SEEING YOUR DUMB SMUG LOOK ON YOUR FACE YOU FUCKING LITTLE ASSHOLE-- OH MY GOD! [NAME] LET'S THROW THIS ASSHOLE IN THE POOL!"

More: interesting conversation

It was a hot day and the two lovers stayed inside for it. Just lazying around. Gavin, again, had a day off and he just spended it with him and [Name] in the livingroom.

Gavin had taken on lounging himself on the coach and was playing away with Donut that was laying on his chest. Not really minding the tabby cat as he played with the cat's orange fur. This was one of the few occasions the cat actually lets him be affectionate to Gavin since the tabby cat mostly preferred [Name]'s attention.

Gavin's head laid on [Name]'s lap as the latter was reading on an old book. Paper books were rather rare nowadays and [Name] always loved them than the tablets. He felt like a child when he reads. Remembering back in his childhood where his parents would buy him books to read.

"Would it considered be incest if you fuck your own clone?" Gavin had abruptly said. Tone laced with boredom as he had continued to mindlessly run his fingers on Donut's fur. The cat purring, happy with the affection he was getting.

Gavin's comment made the [Hair color] haired almost choke on his spit as he had paused his reading and looked at the male.

Gavin giving him a unwavered determination on his face when he had looked at the male in the eye.

"What...?" [Name] asked, confused and rather perplexed with what his brunet lover had just said. Destroying the silence and making him ponder if Gavin finally lost his mind.

"Why... explain," the [Hair color] haired had sighed as he had placed a bookmark on the page he was reading and closed his book. Putting it down on the coffee table beside the couch as he returned to look at Gavin.

"Like... well... doesn't your clone carry your dna or some science bullshit? So, isn't that how incest works?" Gavin explained. Making some hand gestures that amuses [Name].

"Just... it is incest to fuck your clone!" Gavin had continued as he made made a face that seemed to be mix with anger and realization. "Wait... it is also kinda gay too, like, right?"

[Name] bit back a laugh threatening to leave his lips as he shake his head with Gavin rambling on about more about clones and if you would have sex with one.

"Gavin... you are gay," [Name] mused as the brunet detective send him an unamused glare when he had chuckled.

"Well, yeah I am shitlock. I am dating your dumb ass," retorded Gavin as the [Hair color] haired laughed. "What I mean is..." Gavin trailed off as he madly gestured something invisible that only seemed to see. It was amusing to [Name].

"Clones."

Leaning down toward's Gavin face, [Name] placed a soft kiss on the brunet's lips.

"Honestly, your adorable," mused [Name] as he parted and went back to his comfortable position on the couch as Gavin sputtered out incoherent words.

More: laughter

Gavin rolled his eyes as he saw [Name] play with Donut. The [Hair color] haired man and the orange tabby cat were on the floor. Donut was laying on his back, his tummy exposed to the [Hair color] haired man that [Name]'s [Skin color] hand would tickle the cat's tummy then raise it fast enough for the cat not to grabbed. [Name] laughing and enjoying his time with the feline as the cat was also enjoying aswell. Purring and meowing with content. This made Gavin a bit irritated.

"You pay more attention to that damn cat more than me," Gavin had grumbled out of a blue as he strutted towards the two as he then plopped down beside [Name] who didn't seemed to mind him.

"Oi," Gavin pouted when the [Hair color] haired man did not turn to greet him nor give a single glance to his person.

"[Name]," the brunet whine as the said man merely hummed as he played with the tabby cat. "[Name], talk to me," Gavin whine as he dragged the 'e' in the last word for higher annoyance.

"Yes, dear?" Hummed [Name] as he picked up Donut and raised it towards his eye level. The tabby cat looking at him in the eye and sticking his pink tongue. The cat's actions made [Name] chuckle as he nuzzled his nose towards the tabby cat's ones.

"Such a cute kitty you are," [Name] praised as Gavin let out a loud groan. "[Name] pay attention to me you dick," Gavin whined.

The said man did not do as what Gavin had whine which made the brunet huff in annoyance. After awhile of the [Hair color] haired cooing at the tabby cat. Gavin finally split.

"Give me the cat," the brunet had stated. [Name] seemed to pay attention now to what he says at the [Hair color] haired man turned his head away from Donut who meowed and looked at Gavin.

"What now?" Asked [Name].

"I said give me the damn cat," Gavin had commanded as he saw [Name] rolled his eyes but nevertheless, gaved the cat to the angry brunet. Placing the tabby cat gently on the brunet's hands as Gavin immediately raised it towards his eye level like [Name] did awhile ago and glared with the cat's eyes.

"You," Gavin started as Donut looked at him in eye with its own version of an annoyed glare. Clearly the cat was not hapoy to be taken away from his quality bonding tine with his [Hair color] haired owner.

"Fuck off you damn pussy-- he's fucking gay," Gavin had said.

Donut was an intelligent cat. Well, cats are more intelligent creatures that humans give them credit for. But Donut was really an intelligent one. He seemed to know what his brunet owner was saying and in return for Gavin's angry words. Donut hissed in Gavin's face and wiggled out from the brunet's hold.

Due to Donut's abruptly hissing and wiggling his body, he successfully got out of Gavin's hold which made the brunet yelp from the hissing. The tabby cat had landed in all fours as he then dashed back to [Name]. Leaping at the [Hair color] haired man's lap as the orange tabby cat then made himself comfortable there.

[Name] laughed at what he had just witnessed as he mindlessly patted the cat on his lap while he watched Gavin swear at everything.

"Mother fucking cat! Suck ass bitch like what the fuck that mother fucker--" and the curses go on and on and on that made the [Hair color] haired man laughed out more. Honestly, why was Gavin always like this? He doesn't know but he loves it.

Gavin let out a few more string of curses as he angrily glared at ther feline until he directed his glare at the laughing [Hair color] haired man. "Stop laughing dumbass," grumbled Gavin as [Name] rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"Sorry but Donut really do not like you," [Name] had said as he took a quick look at the purring cat on his lap. Gavin seemed to catch his words which caused the brunet to roll his eyes.

"You think?" Gavin sarcastically had said. The [Hair color] haired man merely sent him a grin.

It took a second for Gavin to realized [Name]'s words again.

"Did you just... you..." Gavin had said as he look at the other man who sent him a beaming smile.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" Gavin groaned at the joke his lover had said as he slapped his hand on his forehead. Despite it though, there was a smile on the brunet's lips.

"God, you are such a fucking dumbass," Gavin had said to the man as the other merely shrugged.

"You love this dumbass though," the [Hair color] haired commented as Gavin rolled his eyes but laughed.

"Dang right I do!" Beamed Gavin as the [Hair color] haired man shakes his head but softly smiled. Leaning towards the brunet and placed a soft kiss on Gavin's forehead.

"You are such a dork," [Name] softly said as Gavin sputtered out incoherent sentences with his surprise affection. Gavin's reaction made the [Hair color] haired man laugh again.

More: happy dances

Gavin groaned as he stiffly sat up straight. The brunet trying to fix the collar of his suit as he sent [Name] a glare when the man chuckled at his discomfort.

"Having a great time gents?" A voice piped up from behind them. Gavin didn't have to look to know it was one of his older sisters. Specifically, the one who wore a white wedding gown with a cheeky smile on her lips.

"I would if this would be fucking over," grumbled Gavin as [Name] elbowed him but sent the older female a charming smile.

"Oh course we do, Delilah," he said as Gavin rolled his eyes sister.

"When will this be over again?" Gavin asked as he saw his sister sent him a small glare but then pouted. His comment had made the [Hair color] haired man sitting beside him elbow him again. Making him grunt in pain.

"Fine, fine," grumbled Gavin. "I am having a blast with the part Del! Such a marvelous party it is, oh yes it very is!" The brunet sarcastically and dramatically had said as Delilah sent him another pout and turned to the [Hair color] haired man.

"Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to date his ass, [Name]," Delilah had said as the [Hair color] haired man shrugged.

"I'm sorry for myself too," [Name] commented which earned him an angry "hey!" from the brunet and a chuckle from the woman dressed in white.

"Anyways, off to mingle with the other guests now!" Delilah said with a clap of her hands. She send the two men smiles again and even ruffled Gavin's hair which gotten her some curses from the brunet. "Have fun you two!" She said as she walked away. Finding herself talking to another pair of people.

"Honestly," huffed Gavin as he crossed his arms on his chest. "She is still that annoying shithead of a sister," he had said.

[Name] only chuckled as he shakes his head. "You're still happy she's married though, right?"

"Not really," Gavin answered honestly which earned him a raised brow from the [Hair color] haired man. Not that he could see anyways. "I mean... that asshole better treat her right or I swear to God, he'll be framed for murder or some shit," sweared Gavin underneath his breath and the man beside him still caught it.

The [Hair color] haired merely shake his head and a fond smile on his lips as he looked at Gavin quietly grumbling uncomfortably in his seat. The two did wore some formal suits for it was Delilah's wedding. Gavin being a sibling is definitely invited while [Name] was his plus one and date. The two, of course, being lovers and all.

It was quiet-- save from the occasional grumblings from the brunet-- as two merely minded their business. Already finished eating the food that was catered by the wedding caterers and all.

After awhile, the large speakers in the area began to boom some songs. A song appropriate for a slowl dance in fact and it made Gavi perked up for a bit as he looked around. Watching how Delilah and her now-husband dancing in the middle and then some few guests aswell.

[Name] seemed to noticed his gaze on the dancers as he softly smiled. Standing up from his seat, the [Hair color] haired walked around his seat as he then offered his hand to Gavin who had looked at him with a raised brow.

"Care for a dance?" [Name] said with a charming smile that made Gavin roll his eyes but nevertheless, took the offer with his own grin.

"Let's show these motherfuckers how dancing is!" Gavin had said as he heard [Name] chuckle and helped him stand up from his seat. With hands holding, the [Hair color] haired man lead them both to the dance floor. With that, the two faced each other and placed their hands in the right order. Gavin placing one of his hand on [Name]'s shoulder while the other man placed a hand on his hips. The other hand holding each other as they looked one another in the eye. And they danced.

"You know, I thought you'd refused for a dance," [Name] confessed as Gavin sent him a small glare.

"I won't back down from this," muttered Gavin. Hearing his comment made [Name] smile.

"Well, that's good to hear... because I want to dance this song to with you," the [Hair color] had said with a smile as the bruney rolled his eyes yet a grin on his lips.

"Stop being sappy you dick," commented the brunet with a smile as [Name] laughed.

"I will if you change your last name to mine," came the retort as Gavin took a second to process what the other had said while [Name] smiled.

"Wait... did... did you just... what?" Gavin sputtered out as [Name] twirled him.

"Let's just enjoy this dance, alright?" The [Hair color] haired man innocently had said as he gave Gavin a smile. Gavin seemed to think for a second but nodded. A grin on his lips.

"You better come and proposed when I'm in the middle of my damn sappy congratulations to Delilah's marriage or so help me, I wont say yes," Gavin joked as the [Hair color] haired laughed at it.

"And get the attention off the newly wed? How evil," the [Hair color] haired man teased as Gavin rolled his eyes but smiled.

"Fuck them, I am an attention hoe and it's my revenge for making the two of us come here," Gavin replied as he felt [Name]'s hand squeezed their intertwined ones. "We could have fucked by this time god damn it."

"Let's see, shall we dear?" [Name] said as he spun Gavin around again. Then bringing the brunet close as the song slowly ended.

"Also, my answer is fuck yes," [Name] smiled at Gavin's words.

"That's great to hear."

I used to be a writer!!!

No, really.  And I found this in my drafts this morning from like three years ago and have no idea why I never hit post, so here.

Have some Teen Wolf and X-men xover fic.  Various other parts in this perpetually unfinished ‘verse here.  Enjoy Allison Argent being a badass on this lovely Sunday morning with me.

Every student at Xavier's takes close-quarters combat with Logan.  It's basic self defense.  For a lot of them, more than anything it's about control--if you know how to use your body in certain ways, you also figure out how not to, and for mutants going out into the world, knowing how not to be violent is an enormously necessary skill.

Allison gets through her first couple of days at Xavier's okay, because she's used to new schools and trying to make friends, and she's even used to trying to avoid telling her new classmates exactly who her parents are and why she's there.  Her third day is a Friday, and Lydia grabs her right after lunch.

"We've got Logan at 2:30," Lydia says.  "He's not scary.  He's Wolverine, but he's not going to hurt you.  Are you going to be okay?"

Allison thinks that most of the new students who show up here afraid of the famous/infamous Wolverine don't have quite as much reason to be as her, so she nods.

...

So right, Logan's strategy with new kids, whether they're eleven or seventeen, is pretty much the same.  He has most of the whole sophomore class in the Danger Room (Jackson's got a different class because it's just not useful to train people whose joints and muscles move that differently in the same way as everyone else, but most of the other sophomores are the same level of basically-decent), and he pairs them up and sets them to basic, no-powers sparring, before he turns to eye Allison up and down.

"So you're the new girl," Logan says, and doesn't say her name.  None of the teachers have said Allison's last name in front of any of the other kids yet.  Small kindnesses.

Allison takes a deep breath and nods.  "Yes sir."

"Alright, new girl," Logan says.  "Hit me."

Allison figures, sure--she'll fake a little bit of incompetence in front of the others, and nobody has to know.  The last thing she needs right now is more training to be dangerous.  So she swings deliberately wide with a soft punch that lands on Logan's wide-open chest, easy, and he raises his eyebrows.

"Do it again," Logan challenges, so fine.  Allison swings again.

He blocks, slow and not forceful at all, easy to get around, and Allison lets him sweep her fist to the side, but then Logan says, "Come on.  Actually hit me," and, well, it's easy.  So Allison tries again, counters the block, slow and not forceful to match, and then his block for the follow-up punch is just a little bit harder.

--here is the thing that a lot of people don't realize: Logan is actually a pretty decent, extremely patient teacher, under the right circumstances.  He doesn't have a lot of tolerance for student shenanigans, but right, he's something like a hundred and twenty years old.  He's got time.  And there's this thing that really really good martial artists and martial arts teachers can do, have to be able to do, where they spar at a level just barely a notch above whatever skill level their student's at.  Logan's good at that one.

So Allison isn't trying very hard, but slowly, gradually, each time she lands a hit or sidesteps well, Logan steps it up just a tiny bit more.  His blocks slowly turn into strikes turn into combos, and they're moving, around the mat they've set up on, him advancing and Allison dodging and everything getting just a tiny bit quicker, now, just a little harder, that punch would've left a bruise if Allison had let it connect but Logan knew damn well she wouldn't and Allison's reflexes are too well-trained to let her down now.

Allison's good.  Logan figured she would be before they even stepped in here.  And she's going to show him what she's made of whether she likes it or not.  He already knows a lot more about her than just her fighting skills, just watching how she responds every time he ramps it up a notch--and he promised Charles a full report.

Little by little, until the whole match is quickfire, block-strike-strike, sidestep pivot elbow dodge, and Allison does not know how she ended up in this situation but she realizes, at some point, she's fighting Wolverine.  She's fighting Wolverine, and he's stronger than anyone, and nothing she does to him can cause any real damage, and he's fast, and he's better at this than she is.  She's fighting Wolverine and she hadn't meant to be fighting at all, but now she is, starting to sweat and breathing hard and move, move, move, Allison is fighting Wolverine and just the fact that she's actually fighting means that she lost control of this match before it even began.

Here is something to consider: Allison has had a lot of training spars in her life, and most of them against people who are very, very well-trained and probably better than her.

Here is something else to consider: Allison woke up barefoot in her pyjamas on the cold concrete floor of a warehouse and thought it was probably training.  Just for training and deadly, terrifyingly serious have never been mutually exclusive in Allison's life.

Allison cannot win this fight.  She can't.  She's getting up to the edge of how quick and how clever she can be, and every single time she thinks she's getting things back under control, Logan sidesteps or throws in another blow she didn't expect and no, she's not, Allison has no control over this fight at all.  And Logan has every single reason in the world to hate Allison.  Every one.

There are rules for fights you know you can't win.  Rule number one is don't get sloppy, just because you're scared that is no reason to let everything go, that is the number one reason in the world to make sure you don't start leaving openings and making it all the easier for them.

Rule number two is, get the hell out.  If you can't win a fight, you get out, you get out however you have to, Allison once bit Aunt Kate's arm and yanked her hair and then ran to lock herself in the bathroom and Allison got an extra slice of pie for that, later that night, but in a real fight you don't get pie you just get to live.  Logan's taller than her and barely has any hair but Allison needs to get out of this.  He keeps fighting just that little bit harder and so far she's kept up but what happens when she can't--

He grabs her by the shoulder, his hand big and heavy and strong, and Allison goes for his kidneys, all the force she has, stabs and meets resistance and keeps going until her hand hits Logan's shirt.  She touches something wet, sticky, warm.  Logan grunts.  The hand on her shoulder instantly lets go.

Allison...Allison wasn't armed, she...oh god--

"Do not," Logan grunts out, and suddenly there's a hand wrapping around Allison's on the hilt of her newly-conjured knife, an instant before she'd have dropped it and backed away, "let go of that thing."

Oh god.  Oh god, Allison stabbed a teacher.  She stabbed Wolverine.  And if she'd let go, if it had flared up like all her other knives--

"Ohmygod," Allison says.  She doesn't pull back because she can't, because he's got her still holding the knife there in his iron grip.  "We have to get help."

"Nope," Logan says.  He pulls her hand away slowly, drawing the blade out of his side, and pulls it up between them so they can both look at it.  There's no blood at all on the shimmering blade.  "Now what kind of knife is this?"

"It's a Chinese ring dagger," Allison says.  "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry--"

"Your daddy teach you to fight with one of these?" he asks.  "A real one, I mean?"

"Sometimes," Allison admits.  She was getting good, before...

"What's this one do?" Logan asks.  "Heat, light?"

"I don't know," says Allison.

"You made it," Logan says, and she did, so Allison focuses, tries to remember.

The only thing she can think of, the moment she made the dagger, is movement.  "Kinetic energy," she says.

"Well then, it's a pretty good thing you didn't let go," Logan says.  "Wouldn't love spending the next week trying to heal after you exploded my kidneys."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

"Enough," Logan says.  "If I let go, you going to freak out and drop it?"

"No," Allison promises.  "I won't."

"Good," Logan says, and he does let go.  There's blood soaking through his shirt, spreading all across his left side, and his back is hunched, but he's still on his feet.  If Allison had done that with anyone else--sparring with her dad--

Anyone else.  Oh god.  Allison looks back over her shoulder.  Every single member of the sophomore class besides Jackson is staring at them, oh god, Lydia is never going to let Allison within twenty feet of her again.  And Scott...

"Hey!" Logan barks.  "Did I say quit practicing?"

Her classmates all duck away, almost instantly, like they all know better than to risk Logan's wrath, but they all saw that.  They all saw, and they're all still darting glances back over their shoulders even as Allison turns back to look at her teacher.

"Your dad teach you the rest of that?" Logan asks.  "Your mom?  That aunt?"

There's just enough sneer in his tone.  Just enough.  Allison stabbed him, she did, but that's her family.  They taught her control.  They taught her to straighten her spine and her shoulders, and lift her chin, and not cry.

Everybody in the room can hear everything she says.  Okay.  Fine.  Okay.

"Yes," Allison says, as clearly and unashamed as she can.  "Mostly my dad."

"Probably started you out before you could even walk, am I right?"

"Yes," Allison says.

"When'd he start teaching you for real?" Logan asks.

"A year and a half ago," Allison says, and Logan nods.

"Figures," he says.  "Not even Argent's teaching his kid how to go for the vitals with a Chinese ring dagger at ten.  That your favorite weapon?"

"No," Allison admits.  "I like the recurve bow."

"A bow," Logan says.  "Right.  We don't use a whole lot of bows in close-quarters combat class."

"I know," says Allison.  Why should it matter?  He's not going to train her, not after that.

"How long's that thing going to stick around?" Logan asks, nodding at the dagger.

"I don't know," Allison admits.

"Alright," Logan says, and then he raises his voice, to include all the other students who've been listening anyway.  "Okay, listen up!" he shouts.  "Here's what's going to happen.  Argent here's going to get rid of that dagger, then she's excused from the rest of sparring today.  You, hit the showers, get that blood off, then get to the armory through those doors.  I want you to find a bow you like, then I want you over by that wall putting arrows into targets for the rest of class.  Everybody else in here who couldn't land a knife on me if I had my hands tied up and a blindfold on has plenty of other work to do, and you're going to get back to it as soon as she throws that knife and we all duck and cover."

"It's not balanced for throwing," Allison says quietly.

"Just don't blow us up," Logan says, and for all she stabbed him a few minutes ago this is the first time he's really sounded tired or annoyed, so Allison hauls back and throws the dagger as far away as she can.

The shockwave isn't as bad as she feared.  It hits her like a blast of wind hard enough to knock her back on her feet but it doesn't appear to dent the floor at all.

"Okay!" Logan says.  He's not even looking at her.  He pulls his bloodsoaked shirt off over his head and uses it to swipe at the blood smearing his side.  Unbroken skin.  He tosses the balled-up shirt towards the side of the room as he stalks towards the other students.  "Now let's see what you've got."

Allison doesn't run for the locker room, and she's not shaking, and she's not going to cry.  She just walks as quickly as complete composure says she can.

"She's my roommate, I'm not going to--"  That's Lydia's voice behind her, and Allison doesn't dare turn around.

"Martin, get back to work," Logan says.  "I want to see your grapple escapes again.  McCall, on the mat."

...

There are two very different scenes that matter after that, after Allison spends an hour and a half with a borrowed bow and a quiver full of arrows, back to the rest of the class and trying to shut every sound but the twanging of the bowstring out of her ears.

The first is the Friday afternoon all-staff meeting, 5:00 PM, Charles at the head of the table and Logan coming in last in a clean shirt, a few flecks of blood still on his pants.

"So that's the new Argent girl," Emma says.

"Are you okay?" asks Jean.

"Come on, it was a scratch," Logan says.  "Girl was scared and dangerous."

" 'Dangerous' is the operative word," Summers cuts in.  "We can't afford to have a control issue with someone with the kind of background, and the kind of sheer power, as this one."

"Logan, how would you characterize Allison's control?" Charles asks, and Logan snorts.

"Control's the last problem that girl's got," he scoffs.

"She did stab you by accident in the middle of a training match," Emma points out.

"Mmm-hmm.  Damn good aim, too," Logan says.  "Not everybody can find the kidneys without even looking."

"Is he even going to be serious about this?" Summers demands, and Logan rolls his eyes.

"Come on, you think I don't know good training when I see it?" Logan asks.  "Every single time she tried to punch me, she never overextended, her footwork never got sloppy.  Her blocks were like something out of a textbook.  You should see her with a bow.  Girl's got plenty of control.  She just doesn't know how to use her powers yet."

"Has anybody else seen an issue with Allison so far?" Charles asks.  The other teachers glance around the wide wooden table at each other.

"She was very polite," Ororo says.

"She's behind in chemistry, but I think she may be ahead of our basic curriculum in biology," says Hank.  "She came to me after class on her own and asked about makeup work."

"And she wasn't terrified of the fur?" Emma asks.  "Well, I suppose that is something, out of that family."

"She called me ma'am," says Kitty, who's not even six full years Allison's senior and only in her second year of teaching ever.  

"Look," says Logan.  "What I'm saying is, she doesn't mess around with her weapons.  Teach her to use her powers like a weapon, and she'll stop using 'em by accident."

"I'm sorry, you want to make her more dangerous?" Summers asks.  "The girl who was raised by people who'd like to see this entire school burned to the ground and everybody in it in jail."

"Not anymore, they don't," Jean points out.  "But I don't know how I feel about putting her through more training.  She's a person, not a weapon."

"You can be both," Logan says.

"She's already capable of hurting or killing someone," Ororo cuts in, before it can go any farther.  "On purpose.  Logan just proved that.  Nothing we do will take that training away.  The best thing we can do as teachers is to make sure it never happens by accident."

"She's nowhere near the first dangerous student to pass through our doors," Charles agrees.  "If we want to teach her not to use her powers offensively, it's our job to give her a reason."

...

The other thing that happen is that Allison shoots arrows into a target, one by one, with perfect form, until Logan dismisses the class.  She lingers in the armory putting them away until all the sounds and scuffles of gym shoes on linoleum have vanished.  It's a fascinating place, even more packed than her parents' weapons collection, full of things Allison's never tried to use and a few things she doesn't even know the names of.  Throwing stars.  If she could make her constructs into shapes like throwing stars, maybe they'd be more aerodynamic and less impossible to try to throw safely away--

It's going to be hard enough to convince everybody around here that she's not secretly an assassin and a mole.  Allison sets the last practice arrow down, turns on her heel, and walks briskly out of there, letting the door click shut behind her.  It's a computerized lock, she's pretty sure, which means Logan opened it for her.  Why would he do that, and let her in there alone, after he saw what she could do with a knife that isn't even real?

She goes back to her dorm room.  Maybe the Professor will let her move to a single, since it was Lydia's room first.  The teachers all like Lydia.  If she asks, maybe the professors will let her have her room back.  In the mean time, Allison's got nowhere else to go.

There are three people already in her dorm room by the time Allison gets there.  Lydia's sitting on the edge of her bed, Scott is leaning against the wall, and Stiles is pacing.  Allison stops in the doorway.

"It's okay," she says quickly, before they can start.  "Just let me get a few things, I'll find somewhere else to--"

"Allison!" Scott starts towards her, two quick steps, and then stops when she shrinks back.  "Are you okay?"

"What?"  That's...not the right question.

"I'm sorry," Lydia says.  "Logan is awful.  I didn't know he'd do that to you."

"I stabbed him," Allison says.  Why is she having to remind them?

"And it's always incredibly traumatic the first time you make Logan bleed," says Lydia.  "I can't believe he sent you to shoot arrows."

"It was really cool though," Stiles cuts in.  "You so did not tell us you could do that."

"It's okay," Scott says, looking directly at her, doing the thing she's already realized he can do where he ignores everybody else in the room and talks right to her.  "Losing control of your powers can be really terrifying, but it's okay.  Logan is fine.  Nobody's mad.  Not even he's mad.  I promise."

"So you seriously learned to do all that, that's not just some sweet martial arts expert secondary mutation, right?" Stiles asked.  "You said your dad taught you."

Allison closes her eyes, they don't understand, she has to tell them and make them get it.  She has to be the one.  She steps forward into the room, away from the hallway, although with all the superpowers around this place who knows what kind of super-hearing might carry.  "My dad is Christopher Argent," she says, blinks her eyes open to see if recognition is dawning for any of them at all.  "Gerard is my grandfather."

Scott doesn't seem to be quite clicking, like he knows the name but doesn't quite remember how.  Stiles just looks grim.

"From NEMETON," Lydia clarifies.  "And Argent Security Consultants."

"Right," Allison says.  That's her family.  That's her.

"Shit," says Stiles with feeling.  "Well that's just completely awful."

"Allison, I'm so sorry," Scott says.  "Are you okay?"

"What?" Allison says again.  She feels like the conversation they're supposed to be having and the conversation Stiles, Scott, and Lydia keep having are somewhere not at all in the same place, and she doesn't know how to get it back on track.

"No wonder Professor X took Summers and Dr. Grey to get you," Stiles muses.

"When you found out you were a mutant," Scott says.  "Did they try to do anything?  Did you get out without them finding out?"

"What?  No, they called," Allison says.  "My parents sent me here."

"Well at least they've got some basic human decency in there somewhere," says Lydia.

"Seriously?" Stiles asks.  "So when it's his own granddaughter, that freaking hypocrite Gerard--"

"Gerard doesn't know," Allison interrupts quickly.  She doesn't know what he'll say or do to her parents, when he finds out.

"It's okay," says Scott.  "It's none of our business.  You don't have to tell us anything."

"But..." Allison looks between them, one to the next, and has no idea how this all went so far off the rails.  They don't hate her.  They're not here to kick her out of her room.  But they don't get it, they can't possibly.

"Oh look, it's dinner time," Lydia says.  "The perfect excuse to be done with this conversation that Allison obviously wants no part in."  She stands up, smooths down her skirt, and offers Allison her arm.  Somehow, in the time Allison spent lingering in the armory, Lydia had time for a post-workout shower, but she skipped the blow dryer; her hair's still wet.  Allison's only known Lydia for three days, but she can't imagine Lydia as the kind of girl to go to dinner with her hair still wet.  She can't have skipped her regular routine for Allison.

Allison takes her arm automatically, though, because that's what you do, even now.  Even as an Argent.

"Friday is movie night," Scott says.  "We get a lot of new releases because a lot of the kids here can't really go to the theater yet."

"Oh," Allison says.

"It's usually also fish and chips night in the dining hall," says Lydia.  "At least it's not fish sticks."

"The food hasn't been so bad," Allison tries, and lets Lydia guide her out into the hallway.  If they're just going to keep acting like everything is normal...

"Just wait until it's your rotation on KP duty," Stiles groans.  "You'll never want to eat a french fry again."

"You eat your weight in french fries," Scott points out.

"Well, somebody has to validate all that work that got done to make them," Stiles counters, and that's just it?  Back to friendly banter?

"Hey!" someone calls from the other end of the hallway.  "Allison!"  She stops walking, turns her head.  Danny, with Jackson just behind him.  Jackson hadn't even been there, but obviously he knows everything now too.

"Yes?" she asks.  Lydia squeezes her arm, just a little.

"Nice job getting one over on Logan," Danny says.  "Maybe someday somebody will actually beat him."

"Excuse me, Danny, she totally did beat him," Stiles butts in like he's defending her.  It almost startles a laugh out of Allison.  How is this happening?  "The exploding knife stuck in his gut absolutely means Allison won."

"It was supposed to be no powers, though," Allison points out.  "He could have cut me in half, if we were using powers."

"So you'll beat him honestly next time," Lydia says.  "Or after he's had a year to train you.  If you even want to bother, I'm pretty sure you qualify to test out of close-quarters combat already."

"Yeah but hey, not before you show us how you did that pivot thing where you got behind him and hit the back of his knees," says Stiles.  "That was awesome."

Scott doesn't say anything over Stiles' chatter--Allison's beginning to learn that's a pattern--but he catches her eyes and smiles.  Allison's strained, incredulous smile relaxes into something almost genuine.

They're all acting like it's friendship already.  Like Allison is theirs, not her family's.  Allison doesn't even know how to keep a friend for longer than six months, but if she thinks about that, how she's lost her always-constant family completely and all she has left is the possibility of friends...Allison doesn't need to cry again today.  She did enough of that in the shower after the sparring match, before she dried off and grabbed a bow and made it stop.

She's never had a friend before who was good for more than homework sessions and talking about hair.  Allison needs something.  If Lydia and Scott and Stiles are setting themselves up as her allies already, then she needs to keep them.  She needs to do whatever it takes.

Dive

In my feels. Trying to be productive and direct them in a positive way.

The other night I feel like I broke because the latest disappointment (that I created for myself), came to the surface. I took a hot shower, cried and told myself to let it all go. Hardest I have cried in a long time because I replayed a lot of scenarios about this endless loop I seem to be stuck in: I give up on this notion called ‘love’, discard it and begin to focus elsewhere.. then along comes another unsuspecting fool that says all the right things to get me twitterpated and caught up in the fantasies my brain creates. I get sucked in and think, ok, maybe this will go somewhere.. just to BAM! Slam my face into a wall of unending disappointment. Wash, rinse, repeat. It feels as though this scene has been on replay about eleventeen times over these last few years, and all I can say is: How. Fucking. Stupid (Who is the REAL fool? Ya, that’s me).

I went to bed after my therapeutic shower and slept ok, but kept waking up. I finally decided to get up and be productive, and had Ed Sheeran’s “Dive” stuck in my head. Hadn’t heard it in a while so I’m not sure where it came from, but it stayed with me the entire morning. 

My entries on this thing almost always relate to music and how the lyrics relate to my life. I’ve saved some drafts with songs I’ve wanted to write about later. When I realized I wasn’t going back to sleep, I decided to write; I checked my drafts and whoa.. “Dive” was already on there.. I don’t even remember saving it. 

(Despite there being a few too many typos for my taste in this post above, I feel it, Rising Woman!)

September 2019 is the most notable time I can remember starting the self-destructive cycle. My boss left at work and I decided I needed to do something to change my life up. I put all my energy into planning my amazing sabbatical in Italy. Everything was set up; all the wheels were in motion for me to see Europe, do me selfishly, and not worry about shit! In my mind I put together plans of sightseeing, concerts, volunteering, gymming, wandering, and getting lost in the country I fell in love with a year prior.

In October on a night out with friends, I met an EMT at a bar. He worked his bullshit game, and did it well because he was intriguing. He made me feel good over a two hour convo that honestly felt like a first date, and convinced me to give him the digits (which I don’t freely give to strangers). Too bad the man never called. Womp, womp.

After a taste of those vibes I craved that “feeling” again. I tried a dating app again for a couple months. In a comical turn of events, said dating app matched me with this same EMT! This presented me with the opportunity to call his ass out, and incidentally feel validated as to why it actually was better he never called. Talked to a few other guys on the app, but really can only report on a couple stupid funny anecdotes of just how sad it is that guys don’t know how to talk to women anymore. At least this time I wasn’t taking it seriously and only did it for shits and giggles. Decided okay, just keep focusing on plans for Italy, stacking that paper, and looking forward to the new year (*point and laugh at the idiot who had no idea what 2020 had in store!*). 

In January a boy (with a girlfriend) who I’d had innocent flirtation vibes with for a while tells me he’s now single. I had already placed him in the “not gonna happen” folder, and his confession obviously began a different wave of chemistry and banter for months. We had a conversation about the reality of where I am/what I’m ready for, and where he’s at/what he’s not ready for. Oh, and in the midst of all this, Covid hits and I have to make the heartbreaking decision to cancel Italy and deal with the feels of defeat that followed. And let’s also add all the sadness of being stuck with only me, myself and my thoughts in quarantine.

One last convo in April with “previously not gonna happen” sealed the deal of this endless string of flirtation not going anywhere and back in that folder he went. I then decided to give my number to this other guy who had shown interest a while back (but I hadn’t paid him any mind cuz I was stuck on folder guy). New dude didn’t really engage, so I disregarded him again, and worked on rearranging my place, organizing, decorating, spring cleaning and purging. Fast forward to now, it’s June and new dude comes back to work, asks to hang out, we have a great first “date” lasting three hours, and now here I am less than two weeks later wondering what happened. New dude: MIA / Me: WTF?

I truly do not understand why this cycle continues. Each time I feel like I get closer to something real, just to be lead into feeling like a fucking moron. I can’t stand it anymore, and it honestly makes me want to go back to being guarded and jaded, but I know that’s not the right way to find anyone. So I open up and allow some level of vulnerability, even though I’m scared af cuz of how hard I fell five years ago with the man I thought I was going to marry.

This is gonna hurt, but I blame myself first

'Cause I ignored the truth

Drunk off that love, my head up

There's no forgetting you

You've awoken me, but you're choking me

I was so obsessed

It was a matter of time

But you are the fire, I'm gasoline

Gave you all of me, and now honestly, I got nothing left

'Cause I loved you dangerously

More than the air that I breathe

Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going

Didn't care if the explosion ruined me

Baby, I loved you dangerously

I learned a lot from that short but impactful relationship. It was the love of my life and I went into it with complete abandon. I loved him dangerously. Things felt “right” and escalated quickly, which lead to our demise because we did not explore all the things before going full force into a relationship. We mutually thought this was “it” and talked about the future we would have. It completely broke me to end things, and upon rebuilding the pieces of me, I promised myself I would never rush into things like that again. 

I know that I do it to myself, but I guess I don’t know how else to do it. If I’m closed off and guarded, I’m not welcoming anything in; if I’m open and vulnerable, I start to dream in fantasyland with expectations just to be let down and end up inevitably disappointed. I clearly don’t know how to find the balance that works and it has become maddening beyond words. 

I need to find that balance, and it would be a lot easier to find in non-Covid times where I could have something else to focus my precious energy on, rather than wanting to find “my person”.

Maybe I came on too strong

Maybe I waited too long

Maybe I played my cards wrong

Oh, just a little bit wrong

Baby I apologize for it

I could fall or I could fly here in your aeroplane

And I could live, I could die

Hanging on the words you say

And I've been known to give my all

And jumping in harder than ten thousand rocks on the lake

So don't call me baby unless you mean it

Don't tell me you need me if you don't believe it

So let me know the truth

Before I dive right into you

And I've been known to give my all

And lie awake, everyday don't know how much I can take

I could fall, or I could fly here in your aeroplane

And I could live, I could die

Hanging on the words you say

And I've been known to give my all

Sitting back, looking at every mess that I made

This new dude made me really feel this. I tend to fall, and fall hard because I am so ready to give my heart to someone. But I need to put on the brakes and slow my damn roll. 

I can’t keep getting my hopes up. That is ultimately my problem. I tell myself to not have expectations and I do well to begin with, then have an amazing connection and am fed (what is obviously) bullshit and fall for it like a moron. I have grown thicker skin this time around, so at least there’s that.. but hopefully this has been my last lesson. 

I have found a new diversion for my focus and just put in my first offer for a new home! This will be my new passion project and will take up my thoughts and energies for a while, so as freaked tfo as I am, I am equally excited for this new venture. If it’s meant to be, it will be, and if it’s not, my new little home is out there somewhere not ready for me yet. 

06/19/2020 - 11:51 PM

[Sf] let's go

PROLOGUE I don't know how it happened. Only that it was a slow process. First the weak, the young and old, the Ill and poor. They were the first to show signs. They slept more and more which wasn't that noticeable because they sleep all the time anyway. However we noticed the problem when they stopped waking up. Then the average people and even the well off started sleeping. This went on for the next six months. No one could figure out how to wake them up or to stop people from falling asleep. At the end of the first year all the people who were still awake moved everyone else to a central city. The sleepers were put in pods that kept them alive providing them with nutrients and other basic needs. The pods monitored them and recorded data in hopes of finding some answers. Every one else was also give a pod in preparation for the worst. Luckily the city runs itself so all we had to do was research and by the end the computers were doing that too. By the end of the second year I was the only one awake. Which I question every day. Why me? Of the millions in the pods why am I awake? CHAPTER 1 : AWAKE I started recording this as a precaution, in the case that I do become a sleeper or if someone wakes up I can fill them in on what happened. This camera is powered by solar panels with a backup plasma battery so I never really need to worry about it dying. ..... Dying that's something that you forget about when you have an entire world that just fell asleep. For two years now I haven't thought about death. Sleeping seemed so much more likely. The fear of going to sleep and not waking up. The ever present possibility of a necessity becoming a prison. That seems more real. Every day I do the same thing. I wake up it gets a little later daily, two years ago I woke up at nine am, a year later it was ten today eleven. After awake up I check the pods, I know the alarm will sound if anything happens. High pitched if a system failed. Low pitched if someone wakes, but I check away. Then I eat, the auto farm produces enough to feed everyone but I carbon freeze the rest for reserves. After breakfast I play pokemon go. It's dumb but it passes the time I carry two phones and play against myself, valor verses mystic, I take the gyms and hit the pokestops one day and the next I switch to the other phone. I helps me feel like it's the good old days. Not to mention it helps me stay active. I come back for lunch around two and after lunch I conduct my research. I'm not a scientist but you pick up a few things when there are ten people awake in the world and the other nine are fading fast so I learned everything I could and now I do the research while they sleep. Five o'clock is quitting time I eat dinner and shower then bed by seven. Then repeat over and over. When I'm lying in my bunk trying to sleep but being too afraid to let it happen, I often think of the days before. They seem like a dream now so surreal that it couldn't be the truth. That life had to be nothing more that a dream. CHAPTER 2 : DREAM I was a handyman before. Nothing special, not a man of science or a politician. Just someone to call when you needed a carpenter or a plumber. My dad always said that's something that will always be needed. They may have computers for everything else but they can't duplicate the human touch. The craftsmanship. So I followed his words. I served in the army first though. The draft for the war with Russia had just kicked off when I turned eighteen and sure enough three months later I was at Fort Benning, Georgia for basic training and infantry school. I served two tours in Siberia as forward forces against the attack on Alaska. When the sleep started taking people I thought it was the Russians attempting some kind of biological attack. But when most of Russia fell asleep I knew I must be wrong. I'd give anything to be back on that battlefield now. At least then I had allies around me and a clear objective. Now the gun shots are silent, the battle cries are only echoes in my head and the died are only sleeping. So it's my job to them wake up. I've had to become a scientist and put down my hammer spending hours researching book after book to find an answer that's never been found. Now instead of fighting with a rifle my fight is one of the mind. CHAPTER 3 : MIND I've been completely alone for about two months now. I have a routine which makes me feel safe. However I can feel my mind slipping. Talking to sleepers, talking to myself, Talking to walls. Desperate for something to talk back. To help me focus I've begun to play my recording back each night. Not to mention pokemon go actually really helps. I pretend that the other phone is someone else and I'll look at some of the other phones, if they have it I use them too. As a "guest appearance". CHAPTER 4 : APPEARANCE There is a lure! A pokemon lure! I didn't place it but it's there. I opened the app and there it was twenty five minutes left on a pokestop maybe 7 miles away. Someone else is here. Not me and not a sleeper but another person who is awake! They know I'm here and that I play pokemon go. So they've probably been watching me for some time now. Do I go to it and see what they want? Do I start building defenses and prepare for them to attack? If I get captured or killed there will be no one to protect the sleepers but this lure could be an olive branch and I have been extremely lonely. That settles it I'll go. I am taking a rifle and sidearm though, just in case. *The man moves out of view as he turns the camera around and straps it to his helmet* let's go see if it's friend or foe. CHAPTER 5: FRIEND OR FOE *The man rides his bike check the phone every few minutes to make sure he's heading the right way, once he gets close he drops his bike. He pulls up his rifle and starts moving forward, slowly moving his head back and forth between buildings scanning for danger* OKAY I'M HERE! What do you want? *A second voice answers from the shadows *"I'll answer with another question. What do you want?" I want to know who you are and why you've been watching me. "Is that all you want? How boring." Answer me and show yourself. " I am the reason your friends are asleep and I have been watching to understand why you are not yet asleep. I wanted to place the 'lure' to see how you would react. I will answer nothing else at this time. Goodbye" wait! I have more questions. *silence* Damn, what the hell just happened. *biking back as fast as he can the man arrives to the pods and does his checks* no harm has come to the pods so why draw me out? Was that really the voice of who ever was responsible for all the sleepers. If so how. A virus? A poison? What could it be? And who are they? Most importantly what happens next? CHAPTER 6: NEXT For the last five days I've rode back to the pokestop where the voice was but nothing else has happened. I'm more paranoid than ever now. I've built fortifications all around the area, trip wires that trigger alarms, and pit falls. However if they really have been watching they'll know exactly where to step. Other than to check the stop I don't leave camp. No more casual pokemon go. Who ever that was they definitely have pushed me closer to insanity. CHAPTER 7: INSANITY Its been a month since the event. A week since I checked the site. I have been hearing voices from the pods. The sleepers I think they are trying to tell me something. .... maybe if I close my eyes I can focus on the words. Yes I hear them. They know the secrets. They say they'll tell me. *the man sits quietly for a few minutes eyes closed face still. He then falls forward dropping the camera. As he lays there asleep foot steps are hear from behind the camera.* "finally the last one falls"

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