#forcing myself to stop for the day bc my head hurts and ive been playing for like 7 hours straight. whoops.
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A Favor: Part Twelve
Nessian Modern AU
Masterlist
a/n: this took so long bc ive been reading chain of iron and in general agonizing over things i cant control instead of being productive 🥴 that being said, absolutely none of the events in this chapter were planned in my outline, but here we are with something new!
***
December brings more snow and bone chilling weather, to the point where Cassian has to drag Nesta out of bed, either physically or by phone call, to get her to therapy appointments on time.
She’s in the waiting room one freezing morning when, in her utter boredom, she musters up the nerve to turn to the girl sitting next to her. “What are you in here for?”
The girl blinks her large blue eyes, taking notice of Nesta for the first time. Nesta uses the opportunity to take in her freckle-painted face, a little wan but beautiful. Reddish brown hair hangs around her face and shoulders, creating a thick curtain from the rest of the world, and Nesta’s curiosity piques like she’s just found a shiny new toy.
It probably isn’t right to compare people to toys, but then the girl says, “This isn’t prison, you know.” Her voice is deep, almost sultry— completely at odds from her huddled-in posture and sickened expression. “I didn’t commit a crime to have to be here.”
Is she insulted by Nesta’s question, or is she poking a joke? Nesta decides to play it safe by murmuring, “Sorry, never mind.”
She starts to turn away when the girl says, “We’re trying a new type of trauma therapy today. I had to get here half an hour early because I couldn’t swallow my nerves.”
Nesta might lack many social skills, but she isn’t stupid enough to ask what kind of trauma the girl is being treated for. Instead, she nods casually as if she understands the struggle. “I’ve been coming here for weeks now and I’ve barely discussed shit. That’s mostly on me, but you know…” She actually doesn’t know where she’s going with her train of thought. “It sounds brave to do whatever you're doing,” she states finally. “I don’t think I’ll be able to open up that much about myself, ever.”
The girl gives Nesta a weird look that she immediately recognizes. Nesta uses it every time she doesn’t know how to respond to someone who takes her by surprise.
The door to Lana’s office clicks open, and the woman herself pokes her head out with a plain smile. “Ready, Nesta?”
Nesta bites down on her frown. She has a feeling today won’t be as easy as her past sessions.
She’s about to leave without another glance at the girl beside her when that low voice speaks up. “I’m Gwyn.”
Nesta looks back at her as she gets up from her chair, and says the first reply that comes to mind: “Good to know.”
***
Nesta is contemplative hours after she gets back from her therapy session, bundled up in her bed with a coloring book. The repetitive motion of filling in the mandala drawing lets her mind wander, picking up and dropping different thoughts like she’s inspecting stones.
She keeps her wrist light as she colors in with red. She finally said Tomas’s name in therapy today, though the action left a slimy feeling in Nesta’s stomach that lingers even now. She also spoke about her sisters, which somehow ended up leading to a discussion of her uterus.
“How have you been dealing with the endometriosis news?”
Nesta shrugged. “I’m getting treated, and my last period was more bearable than usual—”
“I mean mentally, how are you doing? With how your condition could affect your future?”
Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Affect me how?”
“Have you never considered the impact it could have on your ability to bear children?”
“Not everything in life is about bearing children, you know.”
“We’re humans. It’s definitely something to consider.”
“Not for me. I’ve never wanted kids.” A mistruth at best. “I don’t care what endo does or doesn’t do to me on those grounds.”
In a way, Nesta told herself, the health risks were actually for the best. If she ever did, by some stupid loss of sanity, try to have children, then her body would act as a safety net from her decisions.
Lana only said, “You’ll never know how much you care or don’t care until you talk out your feelings.”
“Then I guess we’ll never know.”
Nesta lets the memory of that conversation drop like a stone on a shore. That’s not something she has to face for a good long while. No, right now she has to face her past.
Her sisters, and her ex, and even her father—
I wonder if I came off too strong with Gwyn today.
Her hand stops drawing, and she switches out her red marker for an orange one. This thought she doesn’t mind inspecting for a little longer: she and Gwyn ended up leaving their sessions at the same time, which meant they were forced into stilted conversation on the way down to the parking lot.
Not forced, Nesta self-corrects. She willingly initiated a conversation, and it didn’t go terribly. She wonders if making friends in therapy waiting rooms is a real thing.
Her phone vibrates beside her, breaking her hours-long mental bubble. Blinking dazedly, she answers the phone call.
“How are you?” is the first thing Cassian says to her. He makes sure to ask her that at least twice a day, like a gauging of her temperature. It makes Nesta wonder what she’s ever done in her life to call for such… attention to her well-being.
“I’m good,” she answers honestly. “My head’s a little loud right now, but I don’t mind it.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No, I’d rather hear you talk.” She slumps back against her pillows, coloring book forgotten. “What’s up?”
“Ah...” Cassian sounds hesitant for the first time since their relationship started. “It’s just that I haven’t gotten my Christmas decorations up yet, and I was going to ask if you wanted to help.”
Nesta takes a moment to absorb his words. “It’s December fifth,” she says.
“Yeah?”
“You just seem like somebody who does their decorations the day after Thanksgiving.”
“Well, this year is a little different, with you moving out and being busy with school…” He pauses. “I was waiting to do it with you.”
When she doesn’t reply, Cassian adds, “I don’t even know if you care about Christmas. I know you and your family sort of ignored holidays. It’s fine if you don’t want to—”
“I’ll be over right now,” Nesta blurts.
Half an hour later, Cassian swings open his door with a smug grin on his face; a vast difference from the stammering hesitance he displayed over the phone earlier. Nesta’s own lips want to pull up into a smile just at the sight of him, but she holds back and narrows her eyes instead. “What’s got you so worked up?” she questions as she steps into the warmth of the cabin and out of the freezing cold.
“The way you ran over here as soon as I asked.” He looks her up and down, still amused. “You didn’t even bother to change, did you?”
It’s true: she’s in the same sweatpants and long sleeved tee she wore around home, and her socked feet are shoved into slippers.
“Get that smirk off your face.” Nesta flicks his nose before tossing her coat off. “If this is a competition about who’s got a bigger puppy-crush for whom, you already won when you delayed putting up your Christmas decorations for me.”
“Fair enough,” he grins. The words send an unexpected pang through Nesta, because it’s partly true, isn’t it? He cares more openly for her than she does for him.
She looks away in guilt, not knowing how to fix the imbalance. Her eyes land on the living room coffee table, where their half-finished jigsaw puzzle sits. It’s been stored under the couch for the past few weeks, forgotten by Nesta and Cassian alike as they moved on with their lives, but now it’s sitting out again.
“Have you been working on the puzzle without me?” She raises an inquisitive brow, about to feel— hurt.
“Never,” Cassian promises, saving her from that irrational hurt. “I just brought it out because I figured we should get to finishing it one day.”
She pads over to the table, picking up a puzzle piece and turning it over in her hand. “I don’t know if you remember, but we had a terrible time working on this,” she scoffs lightly.
“Oh, I remember,” he says, coming up behind her and stealing the piece from her grasp. “I think it’s safe to say those evenings were the worst fights we’ll ever have together.”
Nesta leans back against Cassian’s chest and hums. “It made us a stronger couple, don’t you think?” She turns her head up and back to meet Cassian’s eyes, finding that he’s already looking down at her.
Hypnotized, she leans into his warmth. She only manages to land the smallest kiss against his lips when his hand squeezes her ass cheek. “You’re here for a job, remember?” He taps her butt before pulling away, gesturing to the Christmas tree in the corner of the living area with his chin. It stands bare. “You do tinsel, I’ll do lights.”
Tinsel is harder to work with than Nesta remembers. She only manages to get half the tree done before plopping onto the Persian rug, exhausted and covered in silvery material. She doesn’t mind laying there while Cassian continues working; it’s her revenge for when he napped on her bed while she moved in.
“You know the stair railings still need to be wreathed, Archeron.”
Nesta declines to respond, tilting her head on the carpet for a better view of her boyfriend’s ass instead. “All this decorating,” she starts. “Is it just for you?”
Cassian turns to her, surprised. “Well…”
She pushes up onto her elbows, catching her mistake. “Are we doing Christmas together? Or are your friends coming over?” She hasn’t bothered to celebrate Christmas in years now, and she doesn’t care much what Cassian’s plans are either way.
“I was hoping for both?” He sounds hesitant. “Christmas Eve is all the way over in Velaris, but I was thinking we could go together, open some presents, and come back and spend Christmas here.”
Nesta purses her lips. She doesn’t actually hate that plan. Both Feyre and Elain have been pestering her with the annual texts asking her to visit for Christmas, and for once, she feels like responding to them. The invitation is more of a formality than an actual request at this point; she doubts her sisters want her there after years of rejections, but… what’s the harm?
“Is that a yes?” Cassian asks at her unreadable face.
“Yes,” she states unflinchingly. She refuses to overthink the possible consequences of this choice and chooses to focus on the broad grin overtaking Cassian’s face. “Really?” he says.
“But there has to be rules.” Nesta sits up fully now. “No one can know we’re together, no matter how much you trust or love them.”
“We already agreed to that, baby.”
Yes, but Nesta knows the secret weighs on him heavier than he shows— even if he agrees with her that it's for the best. “It’ll be different when we’re together in the same room as everyone else,” she says. Cassian wears his beating heart on his sleeve, and she doesn’t think he’s ever had to hide it before.
“You’ll also be different,” she adds. “It’s a huge change of pace.”
Cassian drops the remaining strand of lights and smiles confusedly down at her. “What do you mean, I’ll be different?” He sits across from her, before the blazing fire.
“You know how you get around your friends.” Nesta shrugs without a thought. “Like your personality readjusts to mirror the people around you. I used to find it a mix of sad and adorable, like a neglected puppy desperate for love, but now I— okay, I still feel the same way.” She waves a hand in a dismissive gesture.
By the look on Cassian’s face, he does not find her words so easily dismissed.
Coldness curdles in the pit of Nesta’s stomach, the realization that she’s said something wrong. She can’t fix it until she knows where she fucked up, though.
“Is that what you think of me?” Cassian finally says lowly. His usually expressive mouth is drawn tight and narrow.
“Um… What would you rather I think of you?”
His eyes widen in disbelief. “Seriously, Nesta?”
Nesta’s back stiffens, refusing to cower. “I only described what I’ve observed in the past.”
“And what you observed was a desperate puppy?” His voice is cold in a way she’s never heard before.
Okay, she’s starting to see how that might be offensive. She forges onward, “Tell me what you think about yourself in the presence of your family, then.” It’s a private victory that she says family instead of clown circus. But she’s not trying to turn this into a fight.
Cassian is silent, but his stare continues to rage at her.
“Tell me,” Nesta repeats.
His hands curl into fists on the rug. “I think I’m empathetic, easy to talk to, and easier to be around. Is it a problem if I’m likable?” Unlike you are the unsaid words.
Nesta inspects the space between them like it’s a chessboard. “And what part of yourself are you giving up to be so likable, Cassian?” she says quietly.
“Nothing.”
Nesta disagrees, if only because she’s been watching him out of the corner of her eye for years. “I think you base your personality off of those you love, and you lose a little bit of your true self every time you put others’ needs before your own.”
She shuts her mouth, not having expected such honesty to come out of it. Cassian is taken aback, too, she can tell.
“And I guess it’s natural that you’d see all of that as a bad thing, considering your history of being closed off and self-serving to a fault,” he fires back with the flatness Nesta utilizes so often.
One for one. Fair enough. “We’re both right then,” Nesta says. “You work for your best friend because you have no ambition beyond serving your family, and I have no such family because I can’t bring myself to care about those things. Are we even now?”
Cassian furrows his brows, those defensive walls melting away as he realizes she’s completely serious. “What? No, Nes—” He shakes his head. “Okay, so maybe you’re right about me. Maybe I agree with you a little bit, but… If we see flaws in each other, then we should be working to overcome them instead of weaponizing them.”
Now Nesta’s the one shaking her head, quickly lifting a hand to stop him. “Relax there, sweetheart. I have no expectations from you or myself to go on some self-improvement journey now that we’re together. Talking about my feelings with a professional every week is hard enough.” Yes, agreeing to go to Feyre’s Christmas party is improvement. Slow, barely there improvement, but enough to wear her out for the rest of the month. For Nesta to fully let people into her life, to treat them as lovingly as she treats Cassian— that’s a long way away. She can’t envision it, doesn’t even know if she wants it.
Cassian must understand some of what she’s thinking, because he nods and backs off. He gets back up and returns to stringing lights, tossing a handful of tinsel at Nesta as if to say Get back to work.
She stands and obeys, thinking their not-argument is officially over when Cassian says, “You’re wrong about one thing.”
She looks up from where she threads tinsel through fir leaves. He doesn’t take his eyes off his work as he says, “You do have a family. And deep, deep down, you care about them as much as I care about mine.”
***
Nesta catches Emerie’s eye as the dark-haired beauty walks into the pub. Raising a hand and waving, she gestures Emerie over to the booth she’s sitting in.
“Look what I found,” Nesta says with a hint of pride, pointing to the redhead sitting beside her. “A third girl for girl’s night!”
“I was kidnapped,” Gwyn speaks up. “Jumped on the way to my car.” She’s out of her usual hoodie and in a tight-fitting blouse, looking stunning even while seeming out of place in the dim bar.
“She came here consensually,” Nesta retorts. “Emerie, this is Gwyn. We met at therapy.”
Gwyn offers Emerie an awkward smile.
Emerie slides into the booth across from them with raised brows. She looks between Nesta and the new girl and back again. “You invited her here? All by yourself?” she asks.
Nesta nods firmly.
Emerie breaks into a wide grin and reaches over the table to grab Nesta’s hand. “I’m so proud of you!” If Emerie were anyone else, she’d be squealing in excitement, but Emerie does not squeal.
Nesta waves off her friend’s praise, though a part of her wants to beam at it, too.
Gwyn glances between the two of them with slight amusement. “I mean, it’s not that impressive,” she says. “She came on a bit too strong, probably a five out of ten on the asking-someone-out scale.”
“‘A bit too strong’ is all you’re gonna get with Nesta,” Emerie says, lifting her hand to order drinks. “She’s all-or-nothing, and most people would pray she doesn’t give them her nothing.”
Nesta doesn’t know if that’s a compliment, but she supposes there are worse things that could be said about her.
“So, Gwyn, what do you do?” Emerie leans forward. “All our friends are law students and it’s starting to get boring.”
Gwyn goes off about her librarian job as Nesta orders their drinks, and Emerie rests her chin in her hand and listens eagerly. Christmas music plays softly in the background and snow flurries gently outside. Nesta thinks she can’t be doing that bad in life, if she’s managed to carve out this little slice of happiness for herself.
***
a/n: i promise shit actually happens next chapter! we're getting christmas with nessian and the ic in the same room for the first time
taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson
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Misunderstandings
Pairing - Akaashi Keiji x F!Reader
Word Count - 1.5k - Part I
Warnings - slight unwanted physical contact
Synopsis - The reader sees a couple strange men at her work.
Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV
a/n: I have worked really hard on this fic for about 6 days now. I had the idea while watching Finding Nemo (along with some akaashi fics) and this story is very close to me. thanks to @/dorkyama , @/spicyness , @/thicchaikyuuboys , Arnold, and Victor for helping me with questions/concerns/editing. I’m not gonna apologize for all the fish facts in this series bc high key im a slut for aquatic life
“Did you guys know that otters hold each other's hands when sleeping in the water to avoid drifting away from each other?” You said into the mic, watching the few otters swim around playfully. A couple little girls' mouths flew open and they sighed wistfully. You chuckled with how sweet they were. “Otterly adorable, if I do say so myself.” Usually, when you said some sort of pun, you got a groan from others. But you started giggling when you heard ugly laughter in the back from a guy who looked like an owl.
“That was not funny.” A little boy said seriously, crossing his arms. You looked at him and smiled sweetly.
“I thought it was hilarious.” A man said, standing behind the boy. His hair was spiked up and it looked like he had forgotten to re-dye his hair for a long time. The boy carefully turned around and his eyes grew wide.
“Whoa! You’re.. You’re…!” The kid stuttered. You raised an eyebrow and looked at the guy, trying to remember if you had seen him somewhere before. The man that was standing behind him piqued your interest. He was attractive, his messy black hair framed his stoic face nicely.
“Hey kid.” The guy who looked like an owl grinned. He stuck his hand out and shook the kids hand vigorously. The boy looked excitedly at his palm, before running off to his parents.
“Are you a celebrity or something?” You asked the man. You didn’t mean for it to come across rude, but you would have thought you shattered his world from how he looked at you. “Oh, I didn’t reali-”
“He’s fine.” The dark haired guy said. “Bokuto plays on a professional volleyball team.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t watch.” You said. Just then a little kid came up and tugged on your shirt.
“Hi, um, what are the otters named?” She said, her voice reminding you of songbirds. You bent down so you could look her in the eyes and smiled.
“Hey sweetie. That one is Jasper, and the other is Kegin.” You pointed out the two cuddling and the girl's eyes lit up. “The other three are Daya, Sunshine, and Moon.”
“Akaashi! Touch pool!” The volleyball player yelled, grabbing the other guy's hand and dragging him over to the stingrays.
You stood up after the girl ran off and you glanced over at the two guys. The one named Akaashi was standing there barely leaning over the edge while Bokuto had his whole arm in. You thought it was adorable when Akaashi made a face as he grabbed Bokuto's sleeve to pull it out of the water. You quickly looked away when his blue green eyes met your gaze. Turning back towards the otters, you gave several more facts into the microphone, hoping the guy didn’t notice you staring. Once the time came, you switched headsets with your replacement and hurried to your other station. As soon as you arrived, you gave several quick facts out and took a nice, deep breath, pondering if you would see that cute guy and his chaotic friend again. The way the fish moved in the water was so calming that you watched the sharks for longer than you probably should have.
“That one has a gnarly bite outta it!” A blonde haired teenager said to his date, knocking you out of your trance. “Look!” He pointed to one of the reef sharks that had a large circular scar on it’s side. You smiled and scanned the crowd, but your heart stopped when you saw Tozen walk in. He grinned and sauntered up to place a hand on your shoulder. You cringed slightly and mentally kicked yourself from forgetting you were going to have to present with him.
“Hey.” His smile made your toes curl. “I’m glad we get to be partnered up.” He let his hand fall away, but not without brushing down your entire arm. It wasn’t drawn out, but it still sent chills up your spine and you looked at the ground.
“Yeah.” You mumbled.
“What’s up guys?” He said excitedly into his mic. “I’m Tozen and this lovely woman is Y/N. We’re going to be giving you a small presentation about sharks so if you have any questions, remember them for the end of it!” You took a deep breath and forced yourself to focus on everything except him.
“Please sit on the benches and if there’s room then scoot closer.” You smiled and looked at the people. The two guys from earlier walked in and your heart lifted as Bokuto waved happily. You threw your hand up in a small response before they snagged seats in the front row.
“By raising your hand, how many of you like sharks?” You asked. Bokuto's hand shot up followed by Akaashi and several others. One little boy turned to his mother and not so quietly whispered how much he loved them. “Me too! So what we have in here are some reef sharks, a couple sandbar sharks, and a few guitar fish!”
“Don’t forget the sea turtle and the other aquatics.” Tozen laughed. Honestly, you preferred when he presented because it didn’t give him as much of a chance to do things that made you uncomfortable. You let out a shaky breath you didn’t realize you were holding and got wrapped up in the presentation. Your favorite thing was that every time you gave a fact or some form of fish trivia, Bokuto looked like a kid given free reign in a sweets store. You kept letting your eyes drift to Akaashi, and everytime you met his gaze you felt the butterflies in your stomach become more alive. You opened the floor up for questions and several peoples hands were raised, including Bokutos. You chose a kind looking boy with a red baseball cap on.
“Hi sweetie, what’s your name?”
“I’m Nen.”
“Hi Nen! What’s your question?”
“Why is that one shark hurt?” He asked, worry laced in his voice. Bokutos hand dropped and he leaned forward intently.
“She actually healed up nicely so she doesn’t hurt anymore!” You said, making Nen give a small smile. “Sometimes sharks bite others to establish dominance or-”
“That specific one is a female and sometimes the mating process of sharks can be a bit rough.” Tozen said, looking at you. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from giving a reaction that would probably be best described as gagging. His comment caught you so off guard that you felt like you had been thrown into a hot pan. Akaashi’s eyebrows furrowed when you looked at him.
“Usually, they get playing around and sometimes just bite each other. That’s what happened to our sweet Miyako here.” You took a couple steps farther away from Tozen and continued answering questions until no one else raised their hands.
“Alright, thank you guys for coming! Go ahead and check out our other shows for the day! We’ve got a seahorse feeding, penguin talk, and others!” He grinned and waved to everyone. “Not to mention if you buy our stingray package, you get a small plushie and some food to feed them right out of your hand!” A few people said thanks as they left to find out about the stingrays and others went to marvel at the sharks.
“We have to do that, Akaashi.” Bokuto said. “I want to feed the stingrays. I bonded with them.” You snickered under your breath and suddenly the two men were standing next to you. “Hey, you’re really smart!” He said happily. You laughed and switched the mic off, sliding it into your back pocket.
“Thanks for being so excited. Honestly, it made my day that you were ecstatic.”
“You know a lot about sharks.” Akaashi said simply.
“I’m currently studying to be a marine biologist. Plus, they’re my favorite animal. It’s the whole reason I decided to work here.” You smiled sweetly but your heart sank as you felt Tozens arm snake around your shoulders.
“We’re glad to have her. She’s quite brilliant.” He smiled down at you. You stood there, rooted to the spot and clenched your fist. “I’m Tozen.” He moved his arm off of your shoulders and stuck his hand out. Bokuto shook it quickly but when it was Akaashis turn he folded his arms. “Okay. Well, I’ve got to go to another presentation so it was nice to meet you guys.” He gave you one last look before leaving the room. Your entire body relaxed and you blinked several times.
“You’re not giving any other presentations today, right?” Akaashi asked, watching where Tozen had disappeared. You raised an eyebrow at him and shook your head.
“No, this was the last one.”
“Ah man.” Bokuto complained. “You’re really fun to listen to.” You were touched by the small compliment. Grinning, you pulled out your phone to look at your schedule.
“Well, you guys are welcome to come back again. I have more presentations over the next couple of days.”
“We also could just hang out outside of your work.” Akaashi suggested, making Bokuto's face light up.
“Yeah!”
#akaashi x reader#akaashi x female reader#akaashi keiji#akaashi#haikyuu#hq#haikyuu!!#haikyu#haikyuu fic#bokuto#haikyuu writers#fanfic#fic#akaashi scenario#Akaashi Keiji x reader
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[NOTE IN THE BEGINNING BC I DONT WANT TO FORGET UDHFBSNF- heyyyy it’s meeeeee eheh and iVE ACTUALLY BEEN DRAFTIJG SOME DIFFERENT OUTFITS FOR FUMIKO bc i wasn’t a super huge fan of the one i gave her,, so maaaaaybe that can be what shuichi’s gift from tsumugi is👀 i will try and sketch something quickly after this— but you can do whatever you want with shuichi and tsumugi i don’t mind!! it only reminded me and i wanted to see >:D idk man i haven’t made ocs in *forever*] ok back to the actual thing-
fumiko finished up her ice cream, making sure her mouth was clean before putting her mask back over her face. god, she was so tired of this mask. according to monokuma, they were all going to die after tomorrow, weren’t they? did she really want to die with it on? sighing, she got up and brought her bowl to the kitchen, spotting shuichi and the tall, blue-haired cosplayer tsumugi whispering to each other. kirumi took the bowl out of her hands, and she lingered for a moment, just staring at the two. was he trying to get back at her...? wait wait wait— what was she saying? she’d be a hypocrite if she felt upset over him being so close with another girl, so she pushed the feeling down, exiting the kitchen and leaving the dining hall.
she went outside, shaking her head as if that would send her frustrated thoughts flying.
“oooowwwwwwww, you hit my face with your hair, you big meanie!” fumiko jumped, startled by the sudden appearance of a voice. she looked over to see kokichi with his arms crossed and a pout on his face. she giggled, he was pretty funny! well, to her, at least. she fell (agAIN) into the grass when he pushed her a little too hard yelling, “you’re it!” she smiled, getting up from the ground and immediately chasing after the boy. they played for a while, and during that time the girl had tripped and fallen plenty. by the end, her hands and knees were all scraped up and a little bruised, but she didn’t even notice. “hmm, seems like you’ve passed my first test, fumiko.” the mask-wearing girl tilted her head in confusion. “i’ve been considering making you a part of my top-secret organization... but there’s a few more things i have to see first.” he grabbed her by the wrist and took her to the picnic tables, sitting across from her.
kokichi then pulled a knife out of god knows where, which didn’t concern fumiko when it probably should’ve. he spun the knife around with his fingers before stabbing it in the table. he then proceeded to take it out, put it back in, take it out, stab again— you get the idea. he was playing the knife game. he looked up at her (totally not to see if she was impressed) and immediately stabbed his finger on accident. it hurt like a bitch, but he couldn’t let anyone know that kokichi ouma felt pain; especially not fumiko.
the girl rushed over to the other side of the table, sitting next to him. what do i do, what do i do?! she thought to herself. she couldn’t seem to remember what shuichi did when she had cuts, so she panicked. in a split second, she lifted her mask and brought his finger underneath it, putting it in her mouth. that should stop the bleeding, right?
so, fumiko sat there, sucking on a strangers finger like an idiot. she was trying her best, leave her alone. kokichi didn’t even know how to react, not expecting this in the slightest. he had truly been caught off guard by her action. maybe that was fumiko’s real talent; her ability to embarrass anyone that crossed her path.
-teapot anon (do i still sign?????? i will bc it feels wrong not to)(aLSO idk what’s with kokichi idk if he’s interested in her or some shit i just wanted conflict bc they were getting too happy and i couldn’t allow that)(also NO i was going to punch you from a place of love, not boredom </33)
After explaining his plan to Tsumigi, he watched her expression carefully to make sure he couldn't detect any confusion and uncertainty. "... Do you think you can do it?" Tsumigi nodded cheerfully, "Of course! You gave me a lot of freedom, so I think I can whip something up!" Tsumigi cheered, before dropping her shoulders as she smiled sheepishly.
"Ehh... 'Whip' may be an understatement, actually. It'll probably take a day or two to finish this up, and not only that, but I need you to get Fumiko's measurements."
Shuichi's head perked up, eyes brightening as he remembered something. "Oh, I-I still have her dress! Would that help?" She looked at him weirdly; a guy like him, had Fumiko's dress? She never really took him for a stalker or a perv, but she'd be lying if she said she hadn't been second-guessing herself.
Thank god Tenko hadn't been there to eavesdrop on their conversation; Shuichi would've been a dead man.
"... You... have her dress?" He flushed a deep red, shaking his head frantically in denial, "N- no, we- I swear we didn't-" She looked at him with an expression of nothing but disbelief, to which he groaned softly at, "... Why do I try... I'll just go get it and drop it off at your dorm." He sighed, leaving the kitchen shortly, his brows furrowed as he noticed Fumiko had left.
He felt slightly bummed that he didn't get to see her go, or even follow her, but before he could fret about it any longer, he shook his head and made his way to his dorm in search of the dress Fumiko had left in his laundry basket. Plus, she needed space from him.
-
Kokichi stilled, face going blank as he let her suck on his finger.
Slowly, but very violently, had an angry red blush rise up to his face, starting from his toes to the top of his head, his whole body felt incredibly and alarmingly warm. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck— What the fuck is happening—’
"Y- you— Uh- N- nishishi...?" His laugh sounded forced and more like a question if anything. It was official; Fumiko had broken Kokichi. "My finger, you're-" Should he pull away?? Did... did he even want to pull away?
Suddenly he wasn’t so sure of himself anymore. What was he supposed to say when a girl started sucking on his finger? Kokichi couldn’t find it in himself to be nonchalant about it and laugh it off.
But he had to try.
“Miko-chan~ I think my finger stopped bleeding now, so you can let go of it now, Nishishi!” Forcing on his best, slightly woozy grin, he managed to force out a genuine-sounding laugh.
Taking his still-bleeding finger back, his face remained red and he couldn’t seem to look at Fumiko in the lens anymore, as he had been too focused staring at the finger that had previously been in Fumiko’s mouth.
He wondered if he was supposed to be flattered by the fact Fumiko had shown some care for his well-being; sure, the care had been her saliva but it was the thought that counted, right?
Even so, he didn’t seem to speak more of it— well, more like, refusing to speak more of the event. Distracting himself of his own embarrassment, he decided to toy with hers, “Ehh? Were you worried for lil’ ol’ me? You were, weren’t you? I could see the panic on your face from earlier, don’t lie~” Wearing a mocking smirk, he pretended as if he hadn’t just flushed like a Japanese school girl seconds ago— though there still had been light pink dusting his cheeks; the one remainder of it all. The betrayal.
“You were in more pain than me, and I was the one who actually stabbed myself.”
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After Months of saying i would i’m finally posting about my Kiribaku playlist! I’ve linked it before but I’ve never really gone into what the songs mean to me and how I see them in relation to the boys, and I think the explanations puts things into perspective, so I typed it all out!
This is my main krbk playlist - I also have playlists for Bakugou and Kirishima separately - and this focuses mostly on happier songs (and a few that are so ingrained into how I see them that I had to put them in anyway). I also have an angst-themed krbk playlist and post-breakup playlists for each of them! Really I just. love music and love seeing characters I like in it so this is fun for me
Spotify Link
song descriptions under the cut!
i typed up all of this after 1 a.m. last night so not only is it very long it’s also somewhat incoherent but these songs mean a lot to me so if you’re down to read it then thank you!!
note: a few of these songs aren’t available on spotify at the moment but they’re so crucial to the Vibe that i’ve still included them here!
i. I Always Knew - The Vaccines
“So let’s go to bed, before we say something real -
Let’s go to bed, before we say how we feel”
-this is my Ultimate krbk song, man. the first time i heard it i was walking to class and i just had to stop on the sidewalk and take a Big deep breath. everything abt the lyrics fits them so well - i’ve talked about this before but the verses and prechoruses really capture that “being young and stupid and tiptoeing around your emotions” feeling, then the chorus hits and it just SOARS, and really, has there ever been a sentiment that fits them more than “it’s always been you”
ii. Fly Me to the Moon/Lucky - Rick Hale
“Fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore -
Tell me I’m the lucky one you worship and adore”
-I have an extreme soft spot for these boys and love songs. and this has been a part of my fic writing playlists for so long that it always makes me think of them. I don’t even have a lot to say by way of lyrics, this is a full atmosphere pick
iii. If My Heart Was A House - Owl City
“Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth -
If my heart was a compass, you’d be north”
-boy if this song doesn’t make me think of bkg every time!! it’s the transition from the prechorus into the chorus that gets me - it starts so quiet, like there’s so much love inside of you that you’re still trying to keep down, and then the “bombs away” is the moment when you decide to stop running and just embrace it, and the chorus comes in so loud and strong and so thoroughly in love. call me a sap (spoilers: i do that myself multiple times here) but it really does remind me of what it must be like when bkg just...decides to let himself have this. and then i feel dumb bc this is about anime boys who are like not in love in canon at all but inside the intricate Kiribaku Canon i have built in my head oh yeah this is how bkg falls in love
iv. Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando
“One floor below me, you don’t even know me - I love you”
-this is just the prime soundtrack for a college AU where kirishima’s dorm is right above bkg’s and he’s in Love with him. And Also, something about the bold retro vibe makes me think of kirishima, but that almost certainly a me thing! still a big bop though
v. Intergalactic Disco - Interlunium
“So, with stars in our eyes, let’s fly through the glowing galaxies”
-again, a big sappy atmosphere pick! i really do love the imagery in this one and the storyline of playing things off as just having a good time until it turns out the other person is as deeply in love as you are. it really is just That Song! please stan interlunium
vi. Animal - Neon Trees
“Here we go again, I kinda wanna be more than friends”
-the ENERGY in this song!! the loud, highkey, driving beat! the vibes of being young and stupid and stumbling through having feelings for someone equally as inexperienced with love as you are! and yet the fact that we KNOW both of them would run full-force with it once they realize they both want it! the lyrics to this one do get a bit spicy but it’s really the high school crush energy in this one that gets me
vii. If You Wanna - The Vaccines
“I don't want to do things independently, but I can't make you stay -
That's what all the friends I do not like as much as you say...but if you wanna come back it's alright”
-the ENERGY in this SONG!!!! the electric guitar and the chorus so long you think he’ll run out of breath! bkg getting so fed up with being so close to kirishima’s face and not being able to kiss it that he takes the dive and goes for it and then goes to run away until kirishima yells WAIT- IF YOU WANNA COME BACK IT’S ALRIGHT!!!
viii. No One Like You - Best Coast
“Been around this crazy world, but I still wanna be your girl -
Cause there’s no one like you.”
-I feel like...if krbk had a cheesy high school romcom, and everything led up to a big dance at the end, and at the very end the camera panned out as they finally caved into each other and went onto the floor to do that slow dance, this would be the song. This is their slow dance
-seriously like 70% of the lyrics to this song are “there’s no one like you” which is really, once again, just the Pinnacle of krbk
ix. Idfc - Blackbear
“'Cause I have hella feelings for you -
I act like I don't fucking care, 'cause I'm so fucking scared”
-the bkg energy in this song...the self doubt and the pining but the deep-seated belief that you don’t deserve this, even though you’re so close, even though he keeps telling you he loves you- but how could he, he has to be lying, and why would you even care, you don’t care about people like this- you never have, until now...oh this song is just DRIPPING in it
x. My Best Friend’s Hot - The Dollyrots
“Won’t you apologize to me, to me, to me? For being such a tease, a tease, a tease”
-it’s a song about being pissed at your oblivious hot best friend who you have a huge crush on! they might as well have credited the lyrics to bakugou katsuki
xi. Stay by My Side - Twice
“I can’t hold it back anymore -
I can’t even believe how much I love you”
-it’s Cheesy Romance! it’s cheesy romance that’s all this is!!! this one is pure michigan cheese!!!!!
xii. Love Line - Twice
“With you by my side, I wanna take a shot, take a walk on the love line”
-again this is a very me pick! this one’s been sitting around on my writing playlists for a long time and i’ve come to really associate it w these Boys. the member who wrote the lyrics has said it was about her first crush and it’s generally about just. being So enamored with someone you can’t stop thinking about them. and i’m a big sap so you know where that goes
xiii. Maybe (Luck of the Draw) - The Vaccines
“There’s nobody else like you, there’s nobody else like you -
And if there’s nobody else like you, then maybe I want to spend my life with you”
-this one always sounds to me like krbk growing up, spending late nights both awake in the dimly-lit kitchen of their second apartment, watching the hours tick by on the microwave clock as they just talk and argue and make each other laugh and slowly realizing that this is by no means perfect but there’s no one else they’d rather keep getting old with...i feel like this is another end credits song for them, you know?
xiv. I’m Totally Obsessed with Him - Matt Fishel
“He’s in my heart, he’s in my lungs - he’s in everything that I touch”
-matt fishel deserves SO much more than he gets i mean LISTEN to this huge campy gay anthem about being just extremely an unapologetically in love with your big gay boyfriend!!!! i feel bad making pride anthems like this about anime boys but i’m also gay and i’m here to say that the absolute SCALE of this - the explosion of electricity and infatuation and campy guitar in the chorus - this one has BIG kirishima energy. words can’t do it justice just please please listen to this one
xv. Slayers - Matt Fishel (again lol)
“We’re in this together, you and I -
Hand in hand, side by side, unbreakable”
-It’s a song about being in love with someone who you see as your total partner, you rely on each other and protect each other and you’re with each other through everything, and it’s written through the lens of a fantasy story - this one always, always makes me think of the two of them in the fantasy AU, sworn partners for life, able to rise above any challenges in their path, flying into the sunset together after a long day of adventures, so happy that it seems to make the world spin
-this really may be the most krbk song i’ve ever heard so please listen to it,
-i played it for my krbk friend once and when he said unbreakable they started screaming
xvi. Hooked On a Feeling - Blue Swede
“I’m high on believing you’re in love with me -
I said, I’m hooked on a FEELING!!!!!”
-picture this: class A crammed into a karaoke room for a party, kirishima standing up in front of the scream and screaming “THIS ONE’S FOR YOU BKG” and belting out the entire thing, slightly off pitch but FULL of spirit, every time ‘girl’ comes up in the lyrics he sings ‘bakugou’ really really fast (‘I CAN’T STOP THIS FEELING, deep inSIIIde of me, bakugouyoujust don’t reallize!!! what you do to me!!!!”) and everyone is whooping and hollering along except bkg who gets so red that nobody can tell if it’s angry embarrassment or in love god just so in love embarrassment
-it’s hooked on a feeling it has such loud kirishima energy do i have to explain myself here
xvii. Everyday I Love You - ViVi (Loona)
“If only you liked me - if only you loved me
Like a fool, I think only of you”
-note 1: stan loona
-note 2: this song is just such a sweet picture of pining!! imagining the stolen glances and ‘hopeless’ crush feeling when (in some AU where they both have. less emotional hangups the first time they meet) they first meet,, i can’t explain it for this one even it just makes me so soft
xviii. Crush - Weki Meki
“This feeling- like I’m losing, it’s hurting my pride
But I can’t help it, I’m so curious that I’m going crazy”
-i’m sure you can tell by now that i. Really like kpop but the first time i read the lyrics to this one i lost it! there are really too many lyrics than i can fit here that remind me of how bkg sees kirishima when he first realizes it’s really a crush that’s making him act like this - i really recommend that you take a look at the translation for this one!! it really has it all - being mad at your crush for how they make your heart pound, feeling like it’s hurting your pride, “it’s not like me to be circling around you like this, i’m gonna make a move”, the line about how “i’ll be better to you than anyone else” - seriously, i cannot exaggerate the bkg energy in these lyrics
xix. Kimi Janakya Dame Mitai - Masayoshi Ohishi
“I want to get to know you more and more - but that kind of line doesn’t really fit me”
-aaaand here’s a song that radiates EXTREME Kirishima Energy!! everything from the vibrant guitar to the big belted chorus to the lyrics about being, like, confused but absolutely buzzing and just wanting to be with them - it’s loud and bright and awkward but THRILLED about every part of it!!
-it, of course, helps that the title essentially means “it’s gotta be you”
xx. I Do Adore - Mindy Gledhill
“Everything you do - it sends me higher than the moon”
-like….is there a more classic song to associate with your favorite stupid pining high schoolers ship
-don’t get me wrong i KNOW this one is cliche and i KNOW there’s other ships this fits better but i’m soft don’t @ me
xxi. Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You - Frankie Valli
-legally this song is only Half in the playlist bc spotify likes taking it down and putting it back up at random but after writing fly me i can’t NOT think abt krbk when i hear it. i have no further justification
-also imagine kirishima being loud and embarrassing and singing this song to bkg all the time
xxii. Television/So Far So Good - Rex Orange County
“I don't know, no, I don't know what you like,
But if you're looking for something new, I know somebody that you could choose:
What about me?”
-what about MEEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEe
-i think it’s that driving guitar rhythm that makes this one for me. it just sounds so...ready to take on this weird new feeling of knowing how perfectly things could go with someone if you both just took the jump. it sounds very kirishima.
-the content does start changing as it keeps going but those first few minutes and the RAP VERSE really have such bubbly dumb teenage ‘it’s our first time feeling like this and it might be a little too serious for us but why don’t we take the leap i’m sure it’ll be worth it’ vibes. it really feels like the first “what about me???” in the chorus should be accompanied by kirishima sprinting up to bkg and lifting him up and kissing him because he’s so caught up in this feeling
xxiii. Sweet Talk - Saint Motel
“When you laugh, I forget that it’s about me
But it’s alright - cause being your punchline still is something”
-we all know this is a krbk song, everyone knows it’s a krbk song, my non-bnha friend who I annoy constantly w krbk stuff knows this is a krbk song, honestly do I even have to explain why? it contains the line “you could yell ‘piss off, won’t you stay away’ - it’d still be sweet talk to my ears” and we All know how whipped kirishima already is
xxiv. Into The Storm - Banners
“Through night and dark, through fantasies that fall apart,
Know you're always in my heart, anywhere you go”
-Unconditional love! Working through the hard times together! and knowing these two, there have been & will be no shortage of hard times to work through. it’s that loyalty and devotion that makes this one.
xxv. Talk Too Much - COIN
“Stay cool, it’s just a kiss - so, why you gotta be so talkative?”
-when it comes down to it bkg and kirishima are two idiot 16 year olds who have never been in love before so you know they’re gonna stumble a lot when they first get together. i don’t know how to explain it but i think this really captures that
-also i feel like this is a pretty staple krbk song! i see it on so many playlists
xxvi. If I Tremble - Front Porch Step
“And if I tremble at the sight of you, it’s not because I’m cold -
It’s because I’m staring at the girl I want to love me when I’m old”
-that idea of the kind of love you want to last forever, knowing the person you want to grow old with...I honestly don’t like this one for them that much anymore but it Did make me cry the first time I thought about it so it gets to stay. tbh when I’m soft enough it still gets me
xxvii. Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel
“You’re the only one worth seeing, the only place worth being -
The only bed worth sleeping is the one right next to you”
-Saint Motel is just krbk culture at this point, this is another staple krbk song. I mean, the core theme is “I know I’m an asshole but I love you more than anyone” - come ON
xxviii. Wonderful Things - Ryan Corn
“So you say you wanna grab hold - well to hold, you’ve gotta let go
Of the only way you may have ever known”
-is this song about god? maybe. is it about krbk? Oh absolutely
-the themes of not knowing what you’d do without the other person in your life, and looking back on the person you were able to become because of them, and that lyric up there always makes me think of Kamino - it’s just all around got the themes and I’m very soft about that
xxix. Bad Enough For You - All Time Low
“You love to hate me when I'm chasing you,
And I hate to say this, but I'm stuck on loving you”
-Okay this is totally 12-year-old me talking here but hear me out: Bakugou being convinced Kirishima could never like him more than this weird half-flirting thing they’ve come to and also being scared that he’d never be good enough for him, but him as he is now is letting them HAVE this half-flirting thing, so...he keeps it up, even though he wishes he could be the one to treat him how he deserves to be treated, but there’s no way he could be Kirishima’s boyfriend anyway so what’s the point in caring (but kirishima loved him the WHOLE TIME!!! they sort things out before long lol)
-also they’re both 16 and emo so.
xxx. Instead of My Room - Charlie Burg
“Can't we just put on Ramones? And we'll drive
And I'll kiss you, in my car, instead of my room”
-if kirishima wrote songs with kaminari and sero during high school, i think they’d sound like this
-the lyrics to this one are just so Fun! it’s goofy and jokey and just having a good time! i can’t make the lyrics line up as much as i’d like them to but it really just sounds like them to me
xxxi. I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
“I don’t wanna close my eyes -
I don’t wanna fall asleep, cause I’d miss you, babe”
-i have exactly 2 krbk moods and one is “they are stupid. 16 and loud and just so dumb” and the other is “this is Love love, they’re gonna live off this forever”
-kirishima looking over at bkg fast asleep the night after their wedding and feeling so wholly in love that he cries
xxxii. Stutter - Marianas Trench
“So here I am - you can take or leave me,
But I won't ever be anywhere but here”
-If krbk starred in a mid-2000s battle of the bands romcom with a car chase scene this is the song that would play in the trailer (I KNOW that’s crazy specific but that’s the image I always get when I hear this)
xxxiii. Must Have Done Something Right - Reliant K
“If anyone could make me a better person, you could -
All I gotta say is I must have done something good”
-i feel like i’m 13 when i hear this song but it’s really really Them
-really i think the thing that keeps me so invested in krbk is that they’re so involved with each other’s character arcs - they’re constantly making each other better people, each of them is like a missing piece for the other, and they’re both so wrapped up in their own shortcomings that they barely even realize how big of an impact they’re having on the other. but really they would never be the same if they hadn’t met. and that’s the entirety of this song’s content
xxxiv. Deer in the Headlights - Owl City
“Tell me again, was it love at first sight
When I walked by and you caught my eye?”
-there is literally nothing in the lyrics that makes me think of them. this one is 100% for the vibe. and also kinda the lyrics in the chorus. like, being taken aback by how suddenly everything is happening but in a very excited and enthusiastic way. things don’t go Smoothly when they confess, persay, but oh man is it memorable (and loud and sweaty and hoarse-throated but never, ever sad)
xxxv. On and On (About You) - Bowling For Soup
“Now you can scream about the little things, slap me twice across the face,
Man it would be great if I could buy you flowers every day”
-this is really middle school me speaking here BUT:
-krbk don’t exactly work out in high school and end with some big fight but with time they both realize they were wrong and when they finally meet again at a class reunion they both wanna get back together but they’re still arguing and shooting quick remarks at each other but the whole time they’re thinking “man, if i could, i’d buy you flowers every day”
xxxvi. Mamma Mia - ABBA
-it’s mamma mia. it’s just mamma mia
-it’s also kirishima’s inner monologue every time he thinks he’s finally kicked his crush on bkg and then he sees him for 0.1 seconds and falls right back in
xxxvii. I Dare You - The Regrettes
“I can't seem to sleep, and I feel my pulse beating
I wanna keep all my control, but you're the one that brings the sun”
-maybe it just reminds me of the music video song in quote love unquote but the second i heard this song i was like oh yeah that’s kiribaku
-the idea of trying to catch yourself as you feel yourself falling but also choosing to make the jump in the first place! the idea that you’re taking a big chance but things are so much better together that you’re not scared! you’re even pushing yourself forward! it’s truly for them
xxxviii. I Want to Hold Your Hand - the version from Yesterday
-like, fuck the beatles but it’s a song about hand holding. come on
xxxix. Love At First Sight - The Brobecks
“Turn the lights off, I’m in love”
-that lyric has happened in canon. that lyric is the context of why bkg went to bed at 8:32 pm that one time
-it’s such a sweet mix of being scared about falling in love but also...feeling like the world just got a little brighter, and kinda letting yourself sink into it in reluctant acceptance because it just feels so good? kinda hitting the same notes as If My Heart Was A House. idk the first time i heard this i thought abt the girl i have a crush on so i was like “nope. nope. refocus this to krbk”
xxxx. Holliday - The Weekend Run Club
“I'd never been so soaked before
I was drenched in your arms, dancing in your downpour”
-this was on my discover weekly last week and I put it on here without thinking about it and now I”m really listening to it for the first time and. wow. Wow.
-you know the scenario i’ve been bringing up this whole time of taking a leap into something awkward and electric that makes you happier than you could imagine? that’s the energy i’m getting from this
-just imagining krbk being out on their first date and it starts pouring so they duck inside and they’re like “well...should we just go back?” and then realize it’s so much more like them to run out into the downpour and get soaked and kirishima’s losing his mind laughing and bkg’s like “what are you so happy about idiot” and kirishima’s just like “i don’t know. i just really like this. i just really like you” and then they’re both kinda floating on air
#i know it's long but!!!! i Finished typing it#thoughts#kiribaku#also not to pat my own back but i personally think this playlist. like. slaps#i listen to it a lot and it has a lot of music i like on it! definitely not everyone's tastes but a very strong look into mine#anyway i love them and i've been putting this playlist together so long it just keeps growing and growing#this is in no way its final form it's gonna keep getting longer!!#playlists
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control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.3
did you know that tumblr no longer has those lil.. lines that i liked to separate my notes from my fic with? i didnt. until now. unbelievable.
SO NOW I HAVE TO SUPPLY MY OWN and hopefully this is fine
anyway. ive been... dead for a while. summer destroyed all motivation to do Anything, but ive been forcing myself to write on and off and this part feels... shorter than it should be, but
anyway! i am alive! i have plans! i have things to write! some of them are never going to be on this blog bc theyre original works, but im always open to talk abt them skdfhdsfh
warnings: uhhhhhhh vague manipulation, and i think thats it? just general. squip. yea.
The last time you had seen Michael Mell as a friend had been the beginning of sophomore year. He and Jeremy sat on either side of you in his basement, clutching controllers and halfheartedly playing video games. Soda went untouched and unopened, snacks left alone, and too many times had Jeremy lost on games he knew like the back of his hand. The air had been stiff and uncomfortable, and the feeling had seeped into your nerves and bones to make your stomach turn at the thought of staying longer. Jeremy wasn’t quite there, and Michael was trying too hard to be extra present to make up for it. He became doting on the two of you - quick to refill a snack bowl that had barely been touched with Jeremy following him out of the basement. That was when you found your phone and called your parents, asking if they could come pick you up - bullshitting some excuse about how you felt sick. When Michael came down, he saw you packing up your things with a half-assed apology and a shitty acting job before you tore up the stairs and nearly rammed into Jeremy in the process. Your chest had tightened as you pushed past him with a quick apology and went to wait on the front steps outside for your mom to come get you.
That had been the beginning of the end. After that day, Jeremy had slowly stopped talking to you almost completely. Michael had tried to patch things up, to keep things going, and then he just stopped abruptly. To make things worse, you had broken down at school a few weeks after everything went silent, because you’d been alone. You wiped at your face roughly with the sleeve of your hoodie, and left the bathroom. Barely seconds after you had turned the corner to head to class, you ran straight into him - headphones on and head down - only for his gaze to find yours the moment you stumbled back. He opened his mouth to speak, and you stumbled through a rough, shitty apology before you pushed past him and onward to your class. And then you avoided him purposefully, not wanting to address that little moment of weakness you had.
And now you were sitting in front of him, eyes red and tears streaming down your cheeks as you struggled to find your voice. Your back pressed into cold metal, the lockers clanging behind you as you pulled away and tried to say something, anything to explain yourself. But Michael just stared at you, uncertain about what to say to you. Your legs were like stone, almost as if something was keeping you from darting away, from finding a safer place to land and cry and get over the tears forced from your body.
“[y/n]?” Michael finally said, still staring at you. The lights overhead gleamed off his glasses and headphones as he pulled them down and around his neck, music loud enough for you to hear. He gave you a quick once-over, his attention now fully on you. “You okay?”
You went to nod only for another sob to overtake you instead. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” you admitted after a moment, voice shaking and broken. And it was sort-of true.
“Are you sure?” He said, “hey, I, uh, I know I sorta stopped talking to you and that was kinda shitty but... I’m still here if you need someone to talk to, alright?” After a moment, he tacked on another thought, “do you need a ride home?”
Immediately, you didn’t want to say yes. It didn’t feel right to. But you’re already nodding before you can debate anything further. “Yeah,” you said slowly at first, reaching up and wiping at your eyes. Realization hit you quick. Your bag. “Shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I, uh, kinda left my bag in the auditorium.” You hesitated to step away - you didn’t really want to go back and make an excuse to leave, to let anyone see you with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “Michael... can you-”
“On it,” he gave you a small, two-finger salute, “I’ll be back in a sec!”
As Michael took off down the hallway, you felt a pit develop in your stomach while he disappeared around the corner. Nothing felt right. You looked around for a moment, acutely aware of how silent everything had gone. When your SQUIP materialized in front of you, you avoided its gaze as you wrapped your arms tighter around yourself for a moment. The world felt a little colder, a little dimmer, and everything was off. The sound of Michael’s approaching footsteps minutes later played the steady beat for your incoming guilt-induced breakdown, and yet the boy smiled at you - as if nothing was wrong. Maybe that was because it looked like nothing was wrong. The strap of your bag was tossed over his shoulder, bouncing against his own backpack, and yet he looked at you like you were still friends.
“Thanks,” you finally said as you reached for your bag.
Michael stepped back, “I’ve got it,” he said with a smile, “don’t worry.”
You let your arm fall back to your side, only to then shove your hands into your pockets. “Thanks,” you said, avoiding eye contact for a moment.
The walk to Michael’s car was mostly quiet, with concerned glances thrown your way every now and then - that, when you caught then, were met with insecure smiles at the situation he’d been pulled into. Which.... frankly, threw you off a bit. Michael had always been the one who was better with all this feelings shit - you and Jeremy had the unhealthy habit of bottling everything up. And now Michael walked in step with you, still warm as ever - and still wearing that damn red hoodie you swore he showered in, but it still made you smile because of course Michael still took good care of it. When you hesitated for half a step upon seeing his P.T. Cruiser, he looked back at you before you shot him an uneasy smile and continued towards the passenger side. One of his moms must have given it to him - whether for his birthday or as a gift for passing his driver’s test, you weren’t sure. But the seats were still well-worn, a Pac-Man sticker stuck on the head-rest of the driver’s seat that Michael had stuck there when bored out of his mind. It was worn with age, like you’d expect it to be, but you suppressed a small smile at the fact it was still there.
If the walk to Michael’s car had been quiet (with the occasional snippit of Michael saying something about how he still feels bad about what happened between the three of you, or about how he’s kinda sorry about the walk to the back of the parking lot) then the ride to your house was dead silent. Music flooded through the car speakers, Michael’s phone resting in your lap due to him pushing it in your direction and telling you to play whatever you want, and his attention was fully on the road - the sound of his phone’s GPS spitting out directions every so often to guide him. You watched out the window, a small sense of dread resting in your stomach the entire way, and for some reason... you felt sick.
When the car started to roll to a stop, Michael reached up and turned the music down. “Hey, uh, you still have my number, right?”
You blinked at him for a moment, before pulling out your phone. “I, uh, think so?” You opened your contacts, flipping through them, “I don’t think I deleted it or anything-”
“Good,” he smiled at you, “if you ever wanna hang out, I’m, uh, pretty free since Jeremy’s busy with this whole.. play... thing.” He paused for a moment, only to follow it up quickly with “I mean if you aren’t doing anything, since - I dunno, you aren’t apart of the cast so-”
“Okay,” you cut him off, “yeah, sure - I’m only painting the set for it, so... I’ll probably try to do that during lunch.”
“I, uh,” he began, nodding towards your jacket, “I like your pin. Have you ever played the old shit?” When you shook your head, he was filled with excitement. “Dude. You have to come over then. I’ve got the classic Zelda stuff if you wanna play.”
Running a hand through your hair, you just sort-of nodded in response as you opened the car door, swinging your bag over your shoulder. “Thanks for the ride, Michael.”
You closed the car door, taking a few steps back as he pulled off and drove away, before you turned and head up to your house - pausing to notice your parent’s cars were missing. Right. Letting your bag fall down to your elbow, you began to fish through it to find your keys tucked away in the bottom of your bag, and you nearly sent the contents of your bag spilling when you went to pull it back to your shoulder. But with lightning reflexes that weren’t your own, you managed to snap into action and pull it shut before anything could spill - and when you looked up, your SQUIP was standing before you.
Huh. “... Thank you?” You zipped your bag back up, letting yourself into your house.
“You should stick to hanging out with Michael,” your SQUIP said, watching you head into your bedroom
Dropping your backpack onto your bed, you shrugged at the idea as you began to search for your homework. “I mean, sure, he’s still a cool guy-”
“Michael is close to Jeremy,” it said, as if the fact wasn’t obvious, “therefore, if you get closer to Michael, you’ll get closer to Jeremy.”
You stopped. “Isn’t that using Michael?”
“You were friends with him before. It’s rekindling your friendship that just so happens to mean you’ll rekindle something with Jeremy.” It said, “you aren’t manipulating him.”
You shook your head, setting one binder down and searching for another. “I don’t really like this,” you said, “I don’t want do hurt Michael or anything-”
“Why would you be hurting him by being friends with him?”
Thinking it over, you finally nod a little. “... I guess you’re right,” you looked down at the textbook in your hands. “It just feels wrong-”
“Don’t feel, [y/n],” it stepped beside you, turning your head to meet it’s steely gaze. “Just listen. I’m here to help you.”
Reluctantly, you nod. “... Right.”
So you did. The next day, Rich fell into step beside you - inviting you to stop acting like a loner and to sit with him and Jake and the rest of his friends. You debated taking him up on the offer for a moment, only to spot Michael sitting alone in a corner of the cafeteria. You declined immediately, not looking back as you crossed the room to join Michael. That became your routine - sliding into a seat near Michael, talking about video games and whatnot, and occasionally letting the topic slip to Jeremy as Michael had the habit of occasionally venting about the boy.
“I mean,” he started one day, pointing a fork in your direction, “you remember how he is. He’s just... so in love with her,” he shook his head, “and, I mean, yeah, it’s Christine, but he could, y’know... not abandon me every day.”
You nodded, “I’m sure he’s just blinded by his crush, Michael.”
He nodded, stabbing into his burrito bowl, “I know...” He trailed off, looking away for a moment, “I just... he’s excited about this and - and that’s great! He’s actually sort-of talking to Christine!” He smiled back at you, “every time he talks about her, he gets that stupid look on his face. He practically has heart eyes, [y/n].” He paused for half a beat, “but... y’know, I can’t blame him. He keeps talking about how she’s been helping him with his lines, and that she’s so passionate about theatre...”
You couldn’t help but smile a little at that. From your limited interactions with Christine, she seemed to be a complete sweetheart. No wonder Jeremy liked her.
“In time, he’ll like you more.” It nudged it’s way in between your thoughts, “as long as you do what I tell you to. I’ve got a plan-”
Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you busied yourself with your lunch. “Sure, buddy.”
The stern silence that responded to your tone spoke volumes. But like a knife through butter, Michael’s voice washed away the slight tension you’d begun to feel: “hey, do you still draw?”
You perked up at the question, turning your full attention back to Michael, answering with a far-too chipper “yes!” You immediately forced yourself to calm down, “yeah, I, uh, I still do. My art’s changed a lot, though,” you kind-of smiled, “I have a, uh, pretty decent following online now. I’m just glad I get to do what I love.”
Snagging his phone from his pocket, Michael went silent for a moment as he opened up his tumblr app. “There’s this artist that Jeremy and I discovered - they seem really fucking cool, dude, and they seem like someone you’d like-”
And then you were met with your own artwork, tagged with your online alias, and you had to resist the urge to immediately spill that he’d found you online after you remade your account. You could feel your SQUIP’s fingers gripping your shoulder, and you bit your tongue as you nodded, giving some half-hearted answer about how they seem cool, sure, before wondering why it had stopped you from saying anything.
You didn’t address it until later. Halfway through your homework, you looked up and pushed yourself away from your desk. “Hey.” You spoke aloud.
Within seconds, your SQUIP proceeded to materialize in front of you. “You’re speaking aloud-”
“I know,” you said with a hand wave, “my parents are still out. What was up with that earlier?”
“You shouldn’t go around saying things-”
“But it’s Michael,” you refuted, “I trust him. Besides - wouldn’t telling him that get me closer to Jeremy?”
It’s cold gaze made you shrink under pressure. “I have a plan. [y/n]. If you want to get Jeremy, you have to obey.”
“What about what I want?” You forced yourself to stand your ground, staring at the figure before you, “what if I want to do things differently?”
“You bought me for a reason.” It crossed its arms, watching you, “this is what you want, though. That’s why I’m here: to help you get what you want. And what you want is Jeremy. I’m going to help you get Jeremy, but I can’t do that if you don’t trust me, [y/n].”
Pressing your lips together, you mustered up a weak nod. Right. “Sorry,” you finally said, “I just - I’m scared it’s not going to work.”
“It will.”
When Michael invited you over the next day, you were more than happy to take him up on the offer. He began to reason it as well, Jeremy’s at play practice, before he ended up dropping the facade and admitting he still kind-of missed you and that it’d been a while since he’d kicked your ass at video games (and, fuck, the glimmer in his eyes when he said that was enough to make you agree, and you realized in that moment just how much you actually missed Michael). So he drove you to his house, letting you take complete control of the music, and then he left you in the basement to find any games you’d be interested in while he grabbed some snacks from the kitchen.
While the two of you played, you talked idly when the situation would allow it. About anything. About everything. About trips Michael had taken with his moms, about his and Jeremy’s brand new Halloween tradition of watching horror movies - usually the shittier ones - and gorging on candy, about how your parents always seemed so busy (and almost immediately Michael offered up his house for whenever you didn’t want to be alone, and you melted a little at the offer). The entire time, the room felt too quiet, even among the conversation and the music of each game. At first, you thought it was because Jeremy was missing. Things didn’t feel right without him. But it hit you, right as you were laughing at something Michael said.
“Hey!” Michael brightened up at his idea, “you should join us.” When you looked over, slightly confused, he continued, “the, uh, Halloween thing? You should join our marathon.”
You faltered for a moment, looking down at your controller. Your voice isn’t your own as you speak, saying some sort of confirmation that felt too distant for it to be you. The guilt built within you, as you pushed yourself to hide the feeling while turning your attention back to the game, back to beating Michael this round. But the thought lingered.
You were using Michael Mell.
#mj's writing corner#be more chill#bmc#be more chill x reader#bmc x reader#be more chill reader insert#bmc reader insert#jeremy heere#jeremy heere x reader#jeremy heere imagine
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Okay well i love you and i would want to talk things out but that never gets things anywhere so i dont know what to do anymore, i have my own wants that ive just been sitting on bc i had to help you get better first but even when it gets better i bring anything up and you freak out at it and never even stay on topic about it and it gets thrown in the shitter but yet when i dont do what you want it becomes both of our problems, you broke me and thats all that happened, you were so hard headed on shit that you made me finally quit bc i cant get through to you, you never listen to me, maybe some little bs in the moment but i needed you to have actual and deep conversations with me but it never happened, i needed you to hear my words and tell me how it made no sense or something, some kind of wholesome opinion rather then a no or something with no actual response for it at all, you never listened to me if i had shit going on where i needed some time for myself to sit there and think or for when i was getting fucked over by my mom and i couldnt make it over, you were never understanding of the little shit in my life and literally gave me a bitch attitude till i was forced to break what i though was right to just please you and i cant just keep doing that if whenever i have a want or need it goes completely unnoticed, and go ahead and say that im playing the victim card or some other shit but honestly babe, ive been upfront so many times about things but ive yet to see any kind of difference where you actually respected one of my requests or where you cared enough to compromise for something that i said that you werent a fan of. Maybe its on me for not sitting there and drilling you till i get what i want bc maybe thats just how you work but even when i try you just swear at me or try to push that what you want is what needs to be done but sometimes i needed my thing to be more important, i couldnt get a job job bc i had to make sure i still saw you every single day of the week and over 5 hrs a day and thats hard to do when no one wants to hire you bc no experience yet i cant work certain hrs to maintain my relationship when my relationship should have been more understanding to my life bc its about both of us, both of our needs and wants, and sometimes i had to legit push my needs out of the way for some of your wants and i did that because i cared about you but when that wasnt happening for me it just made it feel like i was just giving and never getting, it made anything i got feel small and meaningless bc nothing big that i ever wanted or needed was getting done, it made it feel like i was putting in more bc i was giving up the things i needed or really wanted as sacrifice so much just to please you and then when you didnt even do that for me, even with a lesser version of things it just tore at me, i was thinking why am i doing this if im not getting it in return at all, i could understand not every time or maybe even i woulda let it slide with not often but honestly it turned into maybe once in a blue moon kind of shit and i just cant keep giving at that rate and be happy about it and im the giving kind of person, im the person that rolls with the punches for the sake of others but i cant just be a punching bag, i have needs as a human being and i feel like if you really loved me then you would try to listen to me, i feel like i love you a lot and i feel like we have such a good time together and things are fun but i cant just sit down anymore, my lifes changing and ive pushed so much off just waiting and waiting and nothing has changed for me, im getting restricted by wants that you are trying to tell me are needs but if they were needs then id be fucked rn, id have such a lack of needs that id be dead, i let your issues and wants and whatever dominate my days bc i cared so much and i wanted to make sure you were able to thrive but that ended up eating me alive and i literally stopped caring about myself, i legit only made time for you and my body was just a shell, i lost dedication to simple hygiene bc thats how tired i was in life bc i was doing so much caring that there wasnt enough for me, i was always drained and tired and just lazy bc i just gave all day. I just cant keep doing it, i need to start taking care of myself so that i can actually exist, im getting kicked out soon and i need a job and i got arrested in the mean time added to all the bs from whatever life has and your dads bs too, i just cant handle it all and i need you to work with me but this time i just am doing what i need to hoping you will either learn or come along rather then just fight for your way, i need to get it done and there is no more pushing it off so i had to stand up for once and just do rather then try and reason with you bc it has yet to prove that it gets me anywhere, i want your love and support but if i cant ask for something and you try and help me with it rather then ignore it completely or shoot it down then i cant do anything so its pointless to date when i honestly dont get a say in the shit i need let alone the shit i want, i just need support myself and i just cant support us both, its like you stopped trying to care for yourself bc i was doing it for you and that just was literally taking all my energy, i cant support all of 2 people, even more when the half that im in isnt the one doing the talking or walking, half the time i feel like im just carrying out orders like a puppet bc im not getting any say and its just inhumane, its like worse then getting treated like a pet its like im a machine or something, and if i was then im broken, im missing key parts i need to keep running that i feel i can simply get but im just not bc you just dont care enough to listen to what i need, i tell you too yet im not seeing anything so it just hurts, when i tell you how i feel yet you just push it off as nothing or bs it honestly kills me, i cant do it anymore, i just cant, its like my words are just going to an inanimate object, i feel like im all alone bc its like i have no control but its supposed to be about both of us, i just cant date if its gunna be like that, idc if it was god himself its just to much for me to handle when thats all i feel, i know you will disagree and say everything you will but i really dont care what you have to say about anything im telling you bc its how ive seen things for months and months and ive told you it all before throughout the time yet its been taken as nothing or nonimportant or just denied or twisted into it being my being to sensitive over nothing…..and thats it, ive been pushed to far, i want you but i cant have you bc i just cant stay supporting you with all the things you ask and all the nothing i get when i talk so unless there was a change than there is nothing left for me at all, nothing but suffering silently and to myself wonder why there is no change.
I-came-here-to-mind
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(don’t reblog this post if you’re not one of my friends talking to me)
okay, you know, i changed my mind? i’m cleaning house today, airing out laundry, so why not do the same emotionally?
it’s been weighing on me too long and making me feel like a bad person but i’ve been so terrified of burning bridges that i never want to admit when i have a different opinion social-justice/spiritual-wise than my friends on here.
bc a lot of people seem to have the attitude that having a different political opinion than someone means you literally can’t interact with them again or continue being friends.
which i understand, it’s an online safe space and you want to surround yourself with like-minded people so you can enjoy your time away from the real-life people whose opinions you’re stuck around. tumblr is kind of the only place you CAN talk to ppl about lgbt, race, gender, etc issues and avoid other types of ppl.
but it just seems so, in a way, divisive and un-productive to alienate people who you enjoy talking to and being friends with, who share all of your political, social justice beliefs except ONE or TWO....just because their ideology doesn’t match perfectly with yours.
especially when they’ve been respecting your opinions the entire friendship and there’s no reason you wouldn’t be able to continue talking just without discussing those topics you’ve never discussed in the first place because they’ve been silent about them...
so maybe i’m afraid of all my friends finally learning my two differing opinions and immediately going “wow youre a bigot we cant be friends” and maybe thats presumptive and wrong but i can’t help my instinctual worries, you know? am i putting up too much self-defense here??
i hope i dont sound attack-y which i’m worried i might because whenever i get ranty....but whatever, this is all just MY opinion and if you read it i hope you can understand where im coming from and then, take from it what you will.
.hhmm. enough stalling...
ive never been “anti” otherkin--as i understand it’s a spiritual belief for some and a coping mechanism for others, and there’s no reason for me to bash that or find any fault with people who just feel a connection to a certain animal or whatever. that’s been happening for all of human existence, there are religions which believe in reincarnation, and i’m agnostic anyways.
i wasn’t raised religious, tho my mom was raised catholic--she wanted my sister and i to come to god on our own terms in our own time instead of being brainwashed by a church since babyhood. so far it just made us very secular. but i’ve had jewish, christian, muslim friends, and never disrespect anyone’s spiritual beliefs. i do preach separation of church and state and hold the political views that come with that, but i believe in freedom to express religion as long as it doesn’t infringe on another human’s rights.
but when it goes past otherkin...people identifying as animals, plants, and galaxies, that doesn’t harm anything--but when it comes to fictionkin and factkin it makes me very uncomfortable.
it feels extremely like theft of intellectual property and theft of identity. factkin, i have never actually seen a person identifying as, just people having “discourse” over, so i dont know if its even real but if it is...i dont even know if i have to argue against it, it’s literally pretending to be another person who is alive?? and is themselves. it’s way beyond wrong to pretend to actually be a famous person, and it is NOT a healthy coping mechanism. it could actually really scare or harm that person they’re pretending to be.
fictionkin is something i have seen a LOT and have friends who id that way, so that’s i guess the big topic here. no problem with otherkin, no one i know is factkin, but fictionkin....
i understand where it would come in as a coping mechanism, i really do. i can relate. i have characters that i’m very attached to, that i relate to very much, that i look up to and want to emulate. some of them i even feel unreasonably possessive over, like “well that’s my favorite character, they can’t be your favorite character if they’re already mine” which probably comes in to play with fictionkin feeling like they ARE the character so nobody else can be the character.
but the thing is, i can’t help but to feel like it’s intellectual property being stolen. it’s one thing to roleplay, to say “hey i know i dont own this character but i’m gonna pretend to be them and explore different scenarios.” the same for cosplaying or writing fanfiction and making fan art. using characters somebody else created to INSPIRE your own art is all fun and games as long as you dont claim to own any of the copyrighted materials.
claiming to BE the fictional character is totally claiming to own it. not legally obviously, i don’t think any fictionkin think they legally have rights to their kin, but definitely a huge mark of ownership to say “This is Me.”
they didn’t create that character. they didn’t spend hours, days, months, pouring their heart soul sweat blood and tears into bringing that character to life. the writer/artist did. when you write, you put literally all of yourself into your characters. every bit of it comes from your thoughts, your unique worldview, the things you’ve seen and learned all mixed together and spat out in a new form. it all comes from the mind of the character’s creator. in a way, their characters are each, them, or have their blood running through their metaphorical veins.
i am PASSIONATE about writing.
claiming to BE that character, that a writer put so much of themselves into, is almost like claiming to be that writer too. at least like carving out a piece of their mind and saying “this is mine, it came from my life in another universe. it doesn’t belong to you. it’s not a unique pattern of emotions and ideas and creativity that you spent years developing. it’s just me from another universe, what a coincidence, right?”
it’s so offensive to steal another person’s hard work like that. and tumblr--tumblr--is supposed to be this place where people care about art theft and crediting the owners matters? and that makes me very, very uncomfortable as an aspiring writer who has my own original characters developing in my head.
important side note: i dont think you can say that fictionkin doesnt actually hurt anyone the way factkin obviously would. i have seen personal accounts from people on tumblr that said people were tagging their ocs/self portraits as kin, or telling them that they were kin with their ocs and they were writing the story wrong in some way, and they were very distressed by it.
so. i have never said anything because i dont want to hurt anyones feelings and i dont want to lose friends, but i also have to be honest and say what i believe if i want to respect myself as a person. so that’s what i believe.
and i don’t think it’s a necessary course of action to cut off ties with someone because they dont believe in fictionkin. its like stopping being friends with someone because they have a different religion than you. i’ve had christian, jewish and muslim friends and as i said, i’m non-religious.
i understand that maybe identifying as a character is more tied with your personal identity than your religious identity, so it’s natural you would feel like people should accept that that character is part of your personality--but please understand that i can accept that there are aspects of all those characters in you and that you relate to them, without expecting me to believe that infinite universes AND reincarnation across those universes exist, which is more than any of my religious friends have asked of me. (ie no one has tried to convert me to their personal spiritual beliefs)
so that said, idk if anyone read all of this, but if you want to stop being my friend over it i wont try to make you change your mind. if youre uncomfortable talking to me after this, its fine and i wont push it. i gave my reasoning for why im willing to stay friends and put our different beliefs aside so know that youre always welcome in my life if you want to be, but i wont force you if you dont.
the next one is worse. stay tuned.
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im going to bed
#all ive been doing the past few days is sleeping and staring at my computer all day#havent really eaten i guess#i cant even force myself to play video games#i get upset and start crying whenever i try#i just#i cant enjoy myself when im so deeply afraid of losing the best thing to ever happen to me#i cant bring myself to do anything at all#except sleep and exist#i feel so fucking miserable#i just want to be with him and make him happy but all ive done is make him hurt bc of the distance between us#i dont deserve him#i dont deserve anyone#i cant stop crying#i honestly just#i cant deal with this#my heart hurts#my head hurts#my entire body hurts#everything just hurts
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Episode 7 “a clusterf*ck of paranoia”- Daisy
WEFUC K WE SDFEDSX JUST VTOTED OUT KAREN FUCK AND I'M TRYNA RALLY OUR SPIRTS SBACK UP AND THEN ISAAC STARTS REMOVIN PEOPLE'S GRASSY ASSES FUCK FUKFCJD FUFK FUCK WE FEDS THIS HAS GOT TO BE A FUCKING MERBE A MERGE AT 14 HOLY GOLLY GOSH GOOD MOLLY MOSH WHAT THE FUCKDJX FUCK FUCK FKPDSOF I NEEDED MORE TIME FRIFODKF FCK
(a little bit later)
I'VE BEEN DYING TO MEET JOHNNY AND I FINALLY DID AND HE'S FUCKING EVERYTHING I'VE EVER FUCKING WANTED IN LIFE HE CALLS ME HOMIE AND I SWEAR TO GOD HE'S NOT LIKE EVERY OTHER FRAT BOY YOU'VE MET HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD WITH HIM BUT I ALSO WANT TO KILL HIM AND STRANGLE HIM BUT I FUCKING LOVE EVERY SECOND OF THE EXPERIENCE I LOVE HOW MUCH I HATE HIM
https://youtu.be/JNaS_mOM3yY
first off rest in peace karen i thought you were supposed to be good since you play so much but.. i suppose the mighty power of the chicken wing is not a force in tumblr survivor.
anywho, so we switched like everyone expected but for some reason everyone thought it was a fun idea to freak out and be like "omg is it merge???" "WHATS GOING ON" "I DONT UNDERSTAND" ctfu yall literally knew damn well what was happening. its final 14 like it aint rocket science. as for my tribe, ive said it before and i will say it again - I HATE PURPLE!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! it is just not flattering against my skin tone and that is literally my number one concern at the moment. that might insult those who play this game like its life or death but to me... this is a very big aspect of my luck in the game. every time (literally not even joking) i get some ugly ass color, im fucked thats just the way it is and the weird blue that luca insists is cyan - get a crayon set pls - was working just fine for me! i was slayyyyinngggg without doing anything meaningful which is all that matters to me since its really fun watching people go crazy while i just sit here eating my nuggets in the break room.
current thoughts of my tribemates and fellow one worlders:
johnny - king of making final 2's and being in a frat. a dumbass who spilled his entire game once we swapped and got ratted out the second he did. stupid stupid stupid! i need him as a number tho so i cant be hasty with my opinions tho so like a 6/10
dana - has a paper to write. thats all i got right now 4/10
l.a. - A LITERAL FUCKING GODDESSSSSSS! all of the rookies should be bowing at her feet for trying so hard to make them safe cause if i was her... they would get a stern talking to and no help at all (plus she can clearly count which is more than i can do). 100000000/10
luca - literally victor next (i dont actually think he is victor but this dude is seriously wack like i just do not understand why he had the need to call me a grandma when im not even that old? like where is the residential hag when i need her zzzz. also he said he likes skype emojis and then used the cactus emoji which victor also uses so clearly something fucked up is happening!!!!!!!!) 1-ish/10
mitchell - fake hoe next (tho i do love the flattery so i guess they are right in saying it gets you everywhere cause ya got a ticket right on the bottom - word of the wise btwwww, next time you play pls stop taking advice from ya eggs cause they clearly do not help just ask karen in prejury hehe) 1-ish/10
ryan - king of all things survivor. how has he not won a ts season.... 10/10
allie - is from florida so either an icon like me or is like cole tbd. as luca said, can "air hump" really well??? not really useful info but thats all i got so next???
aro - im the 1. next.
daisy - i hate the smell of flowers :| next
jacob - legend was tagged in some nice pictures on facebook recently so he can stay.
matt - lmao next
willow - our friend willow teas? what comes after 6.gif. next.
i really do not like talking to people and sadly i must. tho i just finished this one kdrama and it was like 50 episodes and the dad died literally in the last half hour of the entire show.... im crying i really am HE WAS A GOOD FUCKING PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the world is so cruel and so harsh to the loving but so kind to the evil where did we go wrong :'(
PPPPPPPS :
[4/18/17, 11:29:35 PM] nancy.sweitzer: shut up trump supporter
[4/18/17, 11:29:42 PM] nancy.sweitzer: i have receipts of you supporting trump BB
i need some food to watch this with so lets have reward hm?
I'm both so happy and scared about this swap.
BLESS ULAWA BEING GONE. THAT WAS THE WORST TRIBE. IT DOESN'T DESERVE TO EXIST.
But yeah, a few people came to me and were like you carried that tribe and are amazing, and as nice as that is, YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR IT ON SURVIVOR. Cause now I have a huge target on my back for being a "challenge icon". I do not trust Daisy or Aro at all either so I'm worried they will gun for me, but they are both on the other tribe so that's a plus... Maybe, this one world thing doesn't help me there.
Now I have to catch up with Jacob, and the rest of the alliance and see where we all stand. I'm trying to set something up with Johnny as well cause we sort of clicked at the start and I need people.
im too sick to carry on. i cant even see the light im too far gone
Hi MTV welcome to my own private corner of Hell. Seriously I guess my burning desire for some action really warranted this swap that put me in a terrible ass position. I love the One World beach because I can wave to literally every single person I was working with as they wear their Makira buffs with pride and I am stuck with all Rookies and Zak! The only people I know are Zak and Jacob, and Zak threw Daisy's name out and Jacob says he trusts Daisy so I can't even wrangle all my loose allies to form a little alliance. I'm just going to use my social game to earn favor with people like Willow and Allie so that I can maybe survive juuuuuust long enough to make it to the merge and reconnect with my homies. I'm sort of praying for a miracle, but I'm also going to do whatever I can to survive, and if that means throwing Jacob or Zak under the bus then so be it. I am scrambling like eggs in the morning. Hopefully I can convince people to target Aro for his wishy washy nature and because I have planted the seed that he has an idol, and honestly maybe he does, so I smell a blindside coming up, but if they're not willing to budge then I could be a dead boy walken.
Dana mom doesnt approve of the act of sending nudes but like I don't spread em like seeds in a pumpkin patch (like this swap is doing w my alliance tbqh) or anything not everyone gets to see the goods
(a little bit later)
All right binches here's the tea!
Daisy has an idol, and is trying to get people to think aro has the idol bc he made up a lie about a fake idol that he doesn't have, which saved his ass a few rounds back, and Jacob and Allie are saying Aro is sketchy. NOW thats not what I like hearing because Aro is my husband and all, so automatically my Worry Senses are tingling as they usually are it would seem. What I'm tryna do is scrape together a me/willow/aro/Matt majority (since allie apparently doesn't trust aro so I can't trust her) but I suck at approaching people so it sucks that dana and Mitchell aren't on my tribe to help me :( but get for being the least experienced vet in tumblr left in this game I think I'm in a moderately decent position
Well Day 2 of NuNuTemoana is quite interesting, I'm starting to create scenarios that will hopefully put me in a good situation. A) NuNuMakira will throw the challenge and vote out Luca or LA and B) I create an alliance with Willow and Allie and we become the swing votes between Jacob/Daisy and Zak/Aro and if Daisy or Aro have idols they're shooting their bullets at each other and I've got a bulletproof vest. Fingers crossed.
I'm gonna model the rest of my game after Cirie bc boy does she have me fucked up seven ways to Sunday right-about-now o'clock Also I'm not gonna be home again after tomorrow until May except for one day in between so this whole new tribe/quickly approaching merge thing is gonna get really sad for me when I randomly just disappear forever :)
The past few days have been a whirlwind. From uncovering that dirty business with Matt to this One World swap, I find myself in a tribe in which I'm not sure if I can stay safe. It hurts that I can't compete in this next immunity too.
I trust Johnny/LA, but as far as the rest? Question marks all over. I like Mitchell a lot, still haven't talked with Dana much, I have no clue about Ryan/Lexi but Johnny says Lexi is tight with him. So I'm really not sure what happens if we lose an immunity here, and winning challenges might be my only shot to stay in the game.
So what happens next? No clue.
MMMMHMHMHMHMHMHM YES!!! Willow finally spilled the tea which confirmed our suspicions on Karen :))) now alls I need is Lexi to get the fuck out and I can be satisfied by outlasting all the snakes
So I've officially worked my way into an alliance with Allie and Willow, hopefully they're not playing me and we can actually work towards getting out Daisy or Aro. Now Mitchell wants me to get Daisy out so we can rope in Aro and Zak at the merge but I also have somewhat of a relationship with Jacob from nuTemoana and he seems to have a relationship with Daisy so I am hopefully safely in the middle of this tribe and will be deciding this vote, but there's also a large chance I'm gonna get squashed smack dab in the middle. I mean ideally we win immunity and the other tribe can get out LA or Luca which would be great. I need these rookie numbers thinned like the mints so that I have options if I'm in the merge. I have my Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. Alliance which is Ryan, Mitchell, and Dana, I have nuTemoana which is Johnny, Jacob, Lex, and Ryan, and I have a possible alliance with Allie, Willow, and Mitchell. Preferably I wanna work with Mitchell because I trust him the most so far. But of course none of these numbers I'm running in my head matter if I can't make it until the merge which is crazy to me.
i wasnt successful in covering up my misery. i dont even know why i said i could do it since the only thing on that entire menu (all of the drink choices included) i actually do enjoy is the oreos so who knows what i was thinking. im going to get voted out i really am
tag yourself. im luca saying he cant compete cause they use blue solo cups instead of red solo cups in his country. isaac is la's roommate not letting her use her waterbottle. andrew is ryan only having glass in his house. pippa is matt actually doing this. stefan is willow beating the crap out of me. IM GOING HOME
Well I couldn't get it done today and that's a little disheartening, I definitely feel like I could be in danger and when you have the chance to save yourself and don't do it it sucks. I guess now my focus is on playing this game for like the first time this season honestly, a lot of things are at stake in this tribal, there's idols there's alliances there's tribe swaps, there's beef in this game, and I feel like hopefully I can shift the attention towards Daisy vs. Aro, but there's also a lurking nuMakira alliance that might form and getting an Ulawa out wouldn't do anything in the long run but I need to play to make it so that I'm safe until tomorrow or else there won't even be a long run. I wanted to be in a position where I could run a marathon but instead I'm like running a relay race tribal to tribal. If I get rid of Daisy Jacob may lose trust in me and join a Makira alliance, but also maybe I'll just join the Makira alliance myself? I mean I told myself I would do what it takes to win, my obligations are to myself at this point, not Temoana not Makira, not Vets, but MESELF. Well who knows at this point what's gonna happen, hopefully my plan works.
MATT STFU CALLING ME OUT IN THE MAIN CHAT YOU MOTHERFUCKER! Literally your ass would not be in this game right now if I didn't win the challenge where we counted in our confessional. The plan was in play, you were going to be gone, we had the numbers, and now you're on a tribe where it's minority veterans, so hopefully Allie and Willow aren't idiots, and they just take out Matt because he's kind of an arrogant prick, but I'm sure that something sketchy is going to happen, and they're going to take out a rookie, probably Aro or Daisy since apparently they're being sketchy motherfuckers.
Grrrrrrrr Matt needs to stfu. I still have quotes of him talking about LA, so I might use that to my advantage, but we'll see how this goes for now. I'm not ready for merge and these unpredictable motherfuckers in Allie and Willow.... I have no idea where either of their heads are at.
As for my tribe right now, I'm 99% sure that Lex, Ryan and I are in the driver's seat on this tribe, with Luca, LA, Mitchell and Dana all wanting to work with us. I wouldn't mind losing to get rid of Dana, because I really really really want her out, simply because I haven't spoken to her as much, and I'd prefer to have good relationships with everyone once we get to merge, and I don't want anyone to think about taking me out of this game because I don't have a good enough relationship with them, so we'll see for now.
Ryan hinted this morning that he'd prefer Mitchell to go home over Dana, but I want Dana to go home, and I wanna keep my brolationship with Mitchell for as long as I can. This is just fuel for fire I can use against Ryan if I have to, to get Mitchell to trust me, since according to Ryan, Mitchell is obsessed with me..
I also won the challenge for my tribe single handedly because I'm the king of this game, and no one is on my level strategically, socially or physically if we're being honest. I just need to NOT be known as that big threat once I get to merge. Time to just pit people against each other and throw shit and sound dumb like I always do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck this is so nerve wracking. I hate that I'm at tribal again. And I've recently been really anxious about the fact that L.A. knows I have an idol, and just now I found out that a lot of people know that I have it. Which means L.A. has been telling people. Which also means that I'm kind of screwed. I want to get out Aro because I know how tricky he is and how terrible he is in challenges, but he has the idol and if he plays it I could very well be going home. Plus I'm realizing that I don't really have any solidified alliances with a lot of these people so I could easily be targeted, especially since they think I have an idol. Honestly part of me just wants to play it tonight and get rid of it and get it off my back. Or give it to someone. But if I give it to someone, then other people will still think I have it and I'll still be a target. I could try to split the votes, but that seems kind of aggressive and I don't want to make myself a target if I'm not one already. Ugh, fuck. I wish I had someone to talk this over with.
(a little bit later)
Whew I know I just submitted but I have so many thoughts right now. Aro seems to think things are gonna go along tribe lines and it's gonna be me and him as swing votes. Willow brought up Aro's name to me. I'm nervous that Willow maybe brought up his name to make me feel more secure about it, and maybe I'm the target. Maybe Aro is right and things are gonna go along past tribe lines but I don't really want to work with him. Maybe I could try to split the votes between me and Aro and I'll play my idol and get rid of it. That would be dumb though, right? I hate that we have so little time and that like, no one is online right now. It's so hard to plan. Jacob told me he cast his vote for Aro because he only had a couple minutes before he had to leave and he wouldn't be gone. So theres gonna be at least one vote for him. Unless everyone is lying to me. Fuck I'm so paranoid right now, but I don't know how to figure out if its just paranoia or if there's actually something there. Also I'm trying to seem invested in planning out the vote with Aro so that he doesn't think I'm targeting him, but he could also quote me to others and make them think I'm targeting them.
So now it seems like I have Willow, Matt, Jacob, and Allie all voting for Aro with me. Aro wants to target a vet and apparently he's close with Zakriah which means we may want to divert Zakriah too so that he doesn't leak to Aro and have him play an idol. But now I'm worried by suggesting that we divert Zakriah I'm playing too aggressively. Ugh. Aro said he's gonna talk to the rookies and see who they would rather vote for, I told them I'm trying to divert him so that they're not confused or surprised that he says I wanna vote for a vet when I already targeted him. This is a lot to deal with, and we don't have a lot of time.
Tbh this confessional is a clusterfuck of paranoia.
Okay so I'm out with friends and don't have time to write a real confessional but I don't wanna get a strike. So if I get home in time I'll write a real confessional yeah
I think for the first time in Survivor history one of my plans is actually working, it seems that Daisy is totally sold that Aro is going and voting me and it's awesome if she ends up getting blindsided as intended. Jacob is getting two votes because he sucks and I want him to know he should be worried, he threw my name out, and he's untrustworthy, even after like I pretended like i was interested in his crush that he talks about at least once a day, it's almost more satisfying knowing that I can flip and get him out if I really wanted to. In fact I have my choice to vote Daisy, Aro, or Jacob, and if I'm not getting played that wold mean I've spun this terrible swap into a great spot for myself, and I love it. See what happens when I get a chance to really play?
I am so screeeeewed. So basically everyone except Daisy and Jacob wants to vote for Daisy but I am about 90% sure this is bs and I am getting set up for a big blindside. Well, it wont really be a blindside now but rip me
Okay so I only really have 13 mins to type out a fuck ton of information. This vote is crazy, so much has happened and we only had a few hours to strategize for this tribal. Anyway originally me and Allie were thinking about voting Daisy bc she told LA she has an idol, but then LA sent screenshots of Aro's idol. So I was panicking for a moment bc I thought it was real, but I talked to people, and he was probably really desperate, so i think were sticking to voting out Aro. I'm just typing out the short version of what actually happened, bc I don't have a lot of time, but basically me and Allie are the swing votes and I hope everything goes as planned.
As we near tribal Im starting to get the teeniest glimmer of hope. Willow, Allie and Matt seems to be pretty interested in working with me. If it goes according to plan its going to be 3 votes Daisy, 2 votes Jacob and 2 votes me. However Im still about 80% sure that Im going to get blindsided tonight so fingers crossed
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