sometimes i like to log back into this account and check this blog every once in a while. to people who come back and read (or are reading for the first time): hi! i hope you enjoy your stay. while i’m not writing here anymore, i do hope the writing that once helped me cope with things also helps you find joy in your own life. if things are rough, i promise they’ll get better someday. stay strong.

i did want to log in and say that i officially graduated from my school a few months ago. i’m still in the hell of finding a job (the shitty part of living where i do) and i’ve either been ghosted or rejected for the ones i have applied for... but i’m trying my best either way.

all of this to say: take care. i hope you all find joy in something. stay safe <3

i feel the need to say that although i don’t write anymore, anyone who follows/finds this blog is definitely allowed to ask questions if they want. i’m always happy to answer anything if people read and have questions whether it be stuff from this blog or the stuff i wrote on @pacman-tattoo

i might go back through my drafts some day and post any unfinished stuff if anyone’s interested. despite not writing for this sort of thing anymore, this blog did bring a lot of joy when i did actively write for it and it brought me some of my closest friends despite all the bad parts and shitty people i knew. writing my final fic was cathartic for me, especially in the way it was a sequel to the first thing i ever wrote and posted.

i’m still happily writing today and i’ll always keep writing because i love it. hopefully one day i’ll manage to get something published, but thats a later thought since i still need to actually finish a book first. i’ve thought about deleting this blog, but in all honesty i like having it up. it’s a reminder of how far i’ve come.

anyway, this post is also to serve as proper thanks to anyone and everyone who helped me grow. whether it was sending in requests or reblogging my fics or giving me feedback, i wouldn’t have improved as much as i did over time and likely wouldn’t have kept posting public work. so thank you for supporting me both while i was active and now. i see the likes and reblogs and follows and i’m grateful that my work is still enjoyed by people.

on the off chance anything i ever wrote has gotten stolen (i’ve unfortunately seen it happen in other fandoms), just shoot me an ask and let me know. despite not being active, i do still care about what i wrote here. it might be moot to try and get things taken down, but i’d still appreciate being made aware. i’m not active anywhere else (i considered an ao3 pseud for this, but dropped the idea), so anyone you see claiming to be me on stuff like tiktok or twitter or instagram are all definitely not me. i’m definitely not a big deal, but i’ve seen people with small followings get ripped off before.

anyway, thanks again for the love and support. my asks are always open if you want to ask about something i wrote or if you want to hear about what i’m up to in life or if you’d like to tell me whats going on in your life. i can’t promise i’ll remember every single person i’ve met without a name, but still feel free to let me know how things are.

i don’t update this blog often anymore but like. for anyone wondering how i’m doing:

one of my besties and i did face masks tonight despite being in two different states. its just a cozy lil thing but it warms my heart.

just know if you like. emotionally hurt me, you can prove ur sorry by giving me like 50 dollars (minimum)

Like tbh it’s good that you cancelled, even if it was years ago! I’m glad everything like. Worked out (also I can’t read I didn’t see the last part of your text post and now I see yes in fact you were correct to cancel even more so)!!

thank u nonny i am like.

i dont think the person was a bad guy at all--he's very sweet! just... not my type. i only thought of him as a friend and nothing more and it felt weird for someone to hear abt my trauma and then proceed to ask me out not even a week later all while knowing about my crush on someone else.

I feel like it definitely can be honestly. Like my gut feeling is that it probably is, just because of the timeline. Let’s say one of your friends described this situation to you: what would be your response? Personally I would reject the date and see how they react, but possibly remain friends. It seems like you really trust this person, so idk my initial reaction would be to keep my distance for a while until I was sure. I think another thing to consider might be how long you’ve known them? But even then idk it feels very Fast and that makes me worry a lil about what their intentions are bc you deserve to be happy, comfortable, and feel good about who you’re seeing, even if you’re just taking a break from dating. (Take my advice w a massive grain of salt bc I haven’t been on a date or asked out in 4 and a half years sooooo) TLDR: go with your gut instinct, if it feels like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t! I’m rooting for you!!

OH this happened like. years ago.

i just sorta recently came to the realization that it was meant as a date, looked back and found dms between me and my friends where i at the time realized there was romantic context most likely (but wanted it to just be a friend thing)

and like. apparently i had mentioned i had just opened up about some trauma to that person days before, and i had been open with them that i liked someone else on campus

my bad for not specifying!

i don't remember what happened after i cancelled (because i felt sick with nerves and didn't want it to be anything more than just a friend thing, i didn't like this person as anything more than a friend, they weren't my type really), but honestly he probably avoided me for a bit :/

fellas is it kind of a red flag if someone asks you out after learning abt ur trauma (like not even a full week later they text you) and while knowing you like someone else.

i really like the fact that connor got his own little song. it’s nice.

this movie was bad (especially since it like... cut out pretty much any alternative perspective and most of the blame evan got for his actions, and also got rid of anything that humanized larry), but i at least like the fact connor got a song to himself

bad movie, but it had some good points.

definitely feels way too long though

im sorry julianne moore, ur not rachel bay jones and some of the moments that made me sad (and the one that made me cry) mean Nothing right now

are they gonna arrest the internet?

also tbh amy adams could start swinging and id be like YEAAAH GET HIS ASS

anyway time for the sad boy song :)

evan gaslighting his mom over where he’s been, smh

whos the actor again

danny pino??? apparently???

im sorry danny pino and also everyone for seeing this post

larry murphy is a dilf im so sorry y’all.

larry murphy is a dilf im so sorry y’all.

the students rly went from mocking evan to being like damn... this kid can sing... put his ass on youtube.

i miss the cut songs

i mean i like alana getting a song, that’s nice, but i miss the other songs

despite the fact the movie’s audio mixing is kinda... eh, i think requiem has been my favorite so far? sincerely me was fun tho dont get me wrong

i just rly like that one shot of uhh zoe and cynthia and larry all walking in their respective places with people looking on in pity? it’s a nice shot and i think it captures the feelings they’re all having regarding the way people treat you after you lose someone

anyway another point i’ll give the movie is the fact that like... in costume alone, a lot of the characters look like they’re their age.

this doesnt include ben platt’s unfortunate hair, but it’s a nice detail that i do like a lot

amy adams is really carrying this entire movie tbh

but also the murphys are genuinely my favorites so far tbh