1/100 days of productivity & doing better | 07.22.2022

photo is mine

today's goals: take adhd meds, make breakfast, journal, organize laundry, start laundry, finish laundry, plan what to cook, study german for an hour, make an advisor appointment, move my body, look into credit cards, be outside, finish looking into the local library's resources online, look into job opportunities, look into internships, read, cook, call dad in the evening, brush teeth, wash face, and plan tomorrow's day

things I have accomplished today:

made oatmeal for breakfast & right now (4:00pm) I'm drinking tea and eating sunflower kernels. afternoon, i ate some jellybeans bc i felt like i had low blood sugar. didn’t have the focus to cook or plan cooking but thankfully a friend brought us some extra food the other day so i microwaved some eggs, grits, and ate it with some of the diced cheese, fruit, and a biscuit (all brought from the friend) + blackberry jam w/tea for dinner!

called my dad in the afternoon

tried tidying up my laptop organization (gave up)

journaled for about thirty minutes about the upcoming semester, potential routines for me to start practicing, the poem I'm Tired by Langston Hughes and the reasons I love it so much, and a personal commentary on how I love accessible poetry and creating prose.

i have organized my unclean laundry into it's different categories to start with laundry (dark colored or thick material clothes, very thick material clothes, whites/creams, towels/rags, blankets, socks, idk pile, and light material/color) and began two loads ! the thick material clothes and very thick material clothes r all washed and i’m finishing the v thick material load in the dryer now. ill have to put the rest away tomorrow bc i’m too tired n sleepy

looked at stuff for my major

began drawing a red crossbill and practiced anatomy

buddy read some of Aristotle’s & Dante’s secrets to the universe one of my roommates !!! that was pleasant

brushed teeth for 45 seconds before sleep, soso proud of myself

what am i doing right now as i type this? (4:38pm) sitting outside on my townhouse porch smoking with my lovely roommate, M. It is a nice day out, the sky is blue, it's decently warm, and there's some Columbus clouds at the edges of the sky. i just saw a pretty bird, which i'm currently trying to identify. (it was a red crossbill!)/ (11:38pm) sitting upstairs on the floor in our lil living room, patiently waiting for the clothes to finish drying. i really like the sound of crickets at night. i like the warm summer. i was/am drawing, trying to practice anatomy because i rlly suck at anything other than realistic faces. the house and the townhouse neighborhood is quiet right now. everything is quiet (except for the crickets and the drying machine, i like the cricket noise, not the drying machine). i have to move everything downstairs to my roooooooom and i dread it but at least then i can change and fall asleep. i’m happy how today went / 12:22 night, i’m in sleep clothes, laundry basket downstairs, fresh teeth, sleepy, will try to close some tabs for future me, then sleep

gratitude timeee: i am SO relieved that I still have my financial support, even if it has been minimized. at least, it'll actually force me to focus to find a job that will help build my resume levels. thankful for the blue sky I saw today and the pleasant temperature, and thankful to have friends who are so kind to me. very thankful for A, the one who brought the food, because cooking can be hard for me and i struggle remembering to eat as it is!! clean clothes finally!! yayayay

last updated: 12:21 at night

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

"I want to eat you" is their love language and you can't change my mind

not to be controversial bc I know this is like…not in line with shifting opinions on fanfic comment culture but if there’s a glaring typo in my work I will NOT be offended by pointing it out. if ao3 fucks up the formatting…I will also not be offended by having this pointed out…

‘looking forward to the next update’ and ‘I hope you update soon!’ are different vibes than a demand, and should be read in good faith because a reader is finding their way to tell you how much they love it. I will not be mad at this.

‘I don’t usually like this ship but this fic made me feel something’ is also incredibly high praise. I’m not going to get mad at this.

even ‘I love this fic but I’m curious about why you made [x] choice’ is just another way a reader is engaging in and putting thought into your work.

I just feel like a lot of authors take any comment that’s not perfectly articulated glowing praise in the exact manner they’re hoping to receive it in bad faith.

fic engagement has been dropping across the board over the last several years, and yes it’s frustrating but it isn’t as though I can’t see how it happens. comment anxiety can be a real thing. the last thing anyone wants to do is offend an author they love, and that means sometimes people default to silence.

idk where I’m going with this I guess aside from saying unless a comment is outright attacking me I’m never going to get mad at it, and I think a lot of authors should feel the same way. ESPECIALLY TYPOS PLZ GOD POINT OUT MY TYPOS.

People don't like to admit it bcs cringe or w/e but Homestuck really did revolutionize the webcomic as a storytelling medium and I am endlessly frustrated that before webcomic artists could really stretch our legs fucking webtoonz swooped in, set a new, more restrictive standard, and then monetized and monopolized the ever living fuck out of the concept of The Webcomic until it drove away anyone who couldn't be a professional quality manga artist for free, and now the only webcomics that actually feel like spiritual successors to Homestuck are so obscure they're basically cult classics that you have to beg people to read.

Like it's just so wild to be in high school and see Homestuck be like "we're using like fifteen different artistic mediums to tell this story bcs we can" and be really fucking inspired by that, only to grow up and see basically every webcomic ever have to conform to One Single Standard or fucking perish.

I'm afraid that I have the worldbuilder's disease and it is terminal.

There’s that post that’s like ‘everyone should get into a tiny niche fandom at least once’ fully agree, that was really fun -- but I would like to add that everyone should get into a fandom where their opinions run counter to major fanon because it really teaches you about sticking to your guns and trusting your interpretation of the text without having to rely on peer validation

because WHAT are people talking about sometimes

fascinated/horrified by this set of tweets…

You’re placed in a room with an animal. The door is closed and you cannot leave. The animal is completely calm and has no intent of harming you. You are in no danger unless you provoke the animal in some way.

What is it about laying on the floor when you're overwhelmed that makes everything feel so much better?

get darrelled idiot

I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them

People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human

“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”

“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”

“Yeah!!”

“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”

“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“

“How illogical”

“That’s what I’m saying!!!”

say what you will about dungeon meshi but if i put my full squeamish pussy into gathering each & every bone of my digested girlfriend, painstakingly arranging them, and then using my blood to illegally reconstruct a whole new body for her. only for some preteen monarchist with alexandria's genesis to fucking UNDO all of it in favor of fusing her with the giant lizard that killed her instead. brother you would see me on the news

i like senshi pantyshots as much as the next guy but this whole "danmeshi fandom is progressive and feminist bc senshi is sexualised while marcille and falin are not" is getting annoying terf-y and gross there's plenty of smutty farcelle fanworks, there's plenty of eroticism in canon. the lack of gratuitous feteshisation is good yes, but "wlw ships are good bc they're sexless and pure" is a tired and bigoted take