#fascinating to me anyway. im a huge nerd
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steps onto my soapbox
i am going to be so meticulous in my sideblogs. just so you all know. and my guide for flfverse when i get that off the ground (it’s in the works! yay!). why?
let’s talk about fandom history and archives and the internet and art, friends
when i was first getting into the baby beginnings of writing free falling/flfverse, which is my first attempt at a bdsm au, i was already familiar with the trope from honestly too many years of fanfic given my age. but i went to the fanlore page and….it barely resembled the trope i’d been reading, and hadn’t seen major updates since it was created in 2011.
at first, i thought some of the info was just straight-up wrong, so naturally i went on a deep dive to figure it all out. i’m still picking at threads on that, the hyperfixation ran out so it’s slower going now, but the fanlore page has been updated with some more of the info i found since i started the project, if you’re curious.
but it is/was an absolute goddamn nightmare to look through. the trope is generally agreed to have begun in 2006, when one fic (Stargate Atlantis fic, General and Doctor Sheppard by Xanthe) created it and then people started copying that fic etc etc. but ofc this was still in a time of purges on ffn and livejournal, ao3 was in the works but wouldn’t be online for real for a couple more years, and fandom was also spread across other individual websites run by creators. which makes it really hard to track things.
i’m currently working on closing the gap between the early 2010s (when the trope started appearing on ao3) and 2006-7 (when it was initially gaining popularity) and let me tell you, very few people bother to note where they got ideas from, or if they made things up themselves. i can see the shapes of certain trends but can’t pin them down yet. it’s fascinating and frustrating because i don’t know, ever, if i’m just not looking in the right place or if some info is just lost forever to purges and the like.
but it’s not like it matters, right? i mean, who actually cares about mapping the origins and spread of a kinky fanfic trope. no great loss of culture if it all vanished tomorrow, right. it’s not like, in the grand scheme of things, my projects mean a lot to the world.
maybe, hear me out, all art is important and valuable. maybe i find this interesting and that’s enough reason to look into it. maybe the trope is just an excuse to write a lot of smut; maybe, sometimes, it’s something else. i could go on about that angle but i won’t, not in this post. i’m not an 18+ blog. but sometimes, yall, the sex is a metaphor. or something.
i work on fanlore in my spare time for a reason. i’m looking to volunteer at ao3 as soon as i can for a reason. fandom history is really more fucking important to me than it has any right to be and i wish i could articulate why but i can’t do any better than this:
if i don’t care, who will?
a big chunk of the world already dismisses fandom, or at least fan labor, as fast as it can. i’ve dedicated countless hours of my life to this and i would drop my life plans in a heartbeat and dedicate everything to it if i could make a living but it’s fan stuff so i can’t.
what i can do is make my little guides and my blogs and keep separate archives for myself and document everything as meticulously as possible so 17 years from now when some small internet sleuth comes looking for answers to a question no one else thought to ask yet they will at least have that much.
maybe that’s dramatic. i don’t know. i tend that way. i don’t mind much.
(side note: talking about my little quest for knowledge isn’t really me asking for help with it. for one, i’m very protective of it; it’s my job to do, i got here first. for two, no offense, hypothetical internet person, but i can almost guarantee i know more than you. every time i’ve cast a line out so far on the off chance i get useful info i only get things i already know or things that are straight-up wrong. if you want to try to contribute anyway, knock yourself out.)
#wren wrambles#fanfiction#fandom history#ish#fandom meta#making this reminded me that the fanlore page is still bad#as soon as i have a more solid timeline i would love to make a section of it on spread and influence#bc theres some really fascinating stuff in there its just all several years apart#fascinating to me anyway. im a huge nerd#i just. i have so many feelings about preservation and history#and fandom in general
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gingers are black in the jonas la universe
#i havent talked about it on here but ive been rewatching jonas#because it FASCINATES me now. i didnt like it even as a kid.#no one ever talks about it in the jonas brothers' legacy but as ive done my research on its history#im realizing that they may have in fact succeeded in the way they did in the late 2000s bc they DIDNT have a sitcom#until one was shoehorned near the end of their disney run. and it was terrible. so little effort at even just a concept.#i may just make the argument that it was doing the show that burnt them out so shortly after they hit huge off-channel success#bc by 2009 they really didnt need a sitcom to promote them. and focusing so much of their time on it probably sunk them.#but regardless. it's SUCH a bad show. so much worse than any other disney sitcom of the time by FAR.#ive been ranting to kaily about it for a long time and she wants me to write an essay about it when im done#but really there's almost TOO MUCH for me to talk about. i couldnt do it wo becoming quinton reviews.#but anyway yes. adam hicks' character in jonas la. that terrible guy. he's black. so is his date in s2e4.#text post#this show has no significant representation of black people OR redheads. not that i usually feel... offended by redhaired representation#as a redhead myself we're... i mean. we don't deal w racism but i definitely liked having characters that looked like me#felicity was my favorite american girl doll and all that#redheads are often delegated to either the nerd roles or the bullies as well.#how tropes interact w characters' appearances is an interesting thing to analyze even when we're not talking about race/ethnicity#and adam hicks is definitely giving Uncool Guy as the part it's just. he's supposed to be. like. wannabe black.#when the girl he supposedly went on a date w turned out to be another wannabe black redheaded girl... i felt Offended#it does kind of make me uncomfortable when redheads are represented as like. innately more interested in ppl of our same hair color#bc we're not??? i have no special affinity for redheaded men. bc my hair isn't a personality or identity. it's hair.#it's also weird to me when redheads are portrayed as coming from families of Entirely redheads. that's not common.#ppl have told me before though that i need to marry a ginger man and use my ginger womb to make his ginger babies#(not often but it has happened) and im like. ok stop reading jk rowling. lol#but i have to hand it to the jonas writers: it's pretty amazing how you managed to be soooo racist while only using white people#i guess it's also supposed to be an ironic This Nerd Thinks He's Black (bc nerdy gingers and black ppl can have nothing in common)#trying to juxtapose different types of ppl based solely on appearance-related stereotypes. a mess.
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Redrew that one Joel image from .. a long time ago.
Including a whole extensive story i did while working on this mid wip. Warning- it’s long as BALLS and i don’t recommend reading it on a phone /hj
I mean he’s distracted - by theory you can just grab what you need and dip.
He HAS been missing some socks
Mostly pairs
But thats just a ‘rumor’ so to sayyy. I mean , SURE he’s dealing with demons everyday so im sure a few missing socks wouldnt be a huge deal- Not if he sees you at least. he’s probably getting off the phone , he can’t leave all that stuff laying around ya know 😏
Although him catching you is .. a little unlikey imagine if he did. Joel to me is the type to scream like a girl sorry - and that would probably give you enough time to run back under his dresser [twirls hair]
BUTTTTTT there’s also the chance of him just grabbing you. And he might be a little .. rough with it~ not trying to kill you but you get a little winded. Perhaps the fear and shock in your eyes is mutual - but you don’t know that because you’re trying to comprehend the fact you’ve been caught. Imagine his surprise when he finds out you’re a human - or a least a sentient creature thats not a mouse or a rat. You think he’d feel guilty for scaring you half to death. I don’t think Joel would be mad about the whole ‘I’ve been living in your walls for a while ‘ thing - he would be weirded out though YES. But maybe he warms up to it. Like think about it like a sort of symbiotic (is that the term?) relationship - you help me and i help you sorta deal. I’d beleive he sorta.. forgets to put you down and sorta fidgets with you. The fact you’re so small and YET alive and lived for this long is fascinating to him. Sure he has an interest in the dead -i mean he has an ouija board and all - but the living also interests him.
Semi related but i feel like he’d be a biology nerd - and knowing that small things are more fragile he’d probably take that into account when handling you - assuming Joel would anyways. Maybe he gently pressed a finger into your ribs feeling your heartbeat, and that sets a glimmer in his eyes. Your own heart is almost the same size as his finger nail - holy cow. But it frightens him. Shoot, one wrong move and you’d be a little splatter on the ground. And right now he doesn’t want anyone else around him suffering anymore;
To call back to another headcanon i made - I said he likes to imagine himself as a borrower - or at least a small tiny guy. So seeing you would be like a childhood dream come true. He chews his lip trying not to ask incredibly personal and difficult questions.
‘have you ever been caught before?’
‘Have you fallen from a high place before’
‘How did you learn about borrowing, did someone teach you or was it sort of like an instinct’
Those sorts of questions. I don’t think they’d be easy ones to answer given your skill level (if you can measure it anyways). If Joel thought about it for two seconds he’d probably ask about what you took from him. Not in a rude way but more so what you did with them , what did you use those socks for? You know while this is all going on he’s poking and prodding at you - probably not in an invasive way (you can always tell him to stop) but right now you’re in awe. You’ve heard so many stories about humans being big and scary and wanting to harm your species but .. for someone whose just been caught by one - you seem to be alright. Even if you’re going though a very extensive look over or whatever.
Joel is probably internally freaking out at this whole thing. I mean he’d always wanted to BE a small person, but seeing one right in front of you is a different story. His look of wonder turns into a silly grin as he scooped you up, . You know noted how oddly soft his hands were, given all the equipment you saw him use you’d think they’d be a little textured, but nope, they were quite plushy. Ahem anyways. He scoops you up and plops you right onto his desk. It seemed to be neat, a laptop and some recording supplies , quite minimal. Joel at down right infront of you, given his look it still seems like he’s in awe over the whole thing, you can tell he’s holding back from bouncing or pacing around but he’s gotta keep his composure. You’d try doing the same but, him leaning forward and getting a full few of his face made you squeak.
“Sorry , I’m just.. I’ve never seen someone like you before - ya know?’ He said. His voice was deep, so deep in fact it vibrated in your bones and brain.
Hot Dog.
You nodded but really you’re trying to shake off the warmth that spread from your face and down your back, causing goosebumps.
[It’s now 11:09 i need to go to BED]
#ghosttrickanon#ak mystifying oracle#Joel Hayes#mystifying oracle#giant/tiny#g/t art#sfw g/t#g/t community#g/t related#g/t#Ibispaint#lasso tool#illustration
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Hi!! I’d like a matchup, if you’re doing them still. My name is mar, my pronouns are she/they/he, and I’m a lesbian but since that terribly limits my options let’s just ignore that. Im a libra sun, Capricorn moon, Scorpio rising (and Scorpio Venus lol), ESTJ 3w4.
My main love language is quality time. I tend to like people who I can also be friends with (I’ve had the episode of falling in love w my best friend lol it’s a universal sapphic experience). People who I can spend fun times with, who share my interests and stuff, because then I feel like I’ll be able to share myself with them. I dont show it outward often but I’m a huge nerd lmaooo
I’m currently double majoring in musical theatre and intl relations. Theatre is a lifelong passion and what I’m looking to make my career, I’ve been in a few productions and they’ve been the greatest experiences of my life. Intl relations is a niche little academic interest (also my parents wanted me to also get a “conventional” major) that combines all my niche little study interests: history, political philosophy and theory, and learning about the different cultures of the world.
I’m also a huge nerd for astrology and personality typology (mbti enneagram etc) I’ve been learning astrology on my own for two years now and it’s fascinating to me. I’ve gotten pretty good at reading birth charts (even have some mysme astrology headcanons) and absolutely LOVE learning anything I can about the subject. It is, to me, a way of understanding not just how people work but also the mechanisms of life itself.
I also like writing, reading, and playing games in my free time. Rn I’m into reading stuff like essays and poetry collections and stuff. And my favorite game to play (the only one I play consistently really lmao) is genshin. I like it’s aesthetics and the lore has me absolutely sucked in. I also sing a lot, and dance. As for activities I like to do: anything social. Going to cafes and bars, going to plays, (unironically) shopping.
I’d say I’m pretty aloof in relationships. I’m really bad at expressing my feelings for the other person, I tend to be a bit insecure on that regard. I like to keep my distance, both physically and emotionally lmao. I’ll talk about whatever with you but it’s hard for me to be actually vulnerable. I struggle with burying my feelings with work and other activities, or disconnecting from the emotional side of the issue by looking at the practical.
My friends all describe me as very funny and I guess I am. I like seeing the humor in things and often point it out, and I don’t take things too seriously at times. I’m also pretty hard to read, but I’d say that’s bc I don’t tend to trust people enough to be truly open with them. I would obviously love for that to happen, though.
It takes a lot for me to fall in love, but when I do, I’m always hooked for a long, long time. I’m like… offhandedly possessive, wanting to spend all day with the person. I also want to know everything about them, like discover them kinda. Tbh I’m not very experienced with love in general (but curiously I write about it a lot).
Anyway that’s all I think is relevant about me idk if it’s a lot or not hehe I’m curious to see the matchup. Love ur stuff!!
I match with you...
Jumin!
It may come as a surprise, or it may not. It's just something about your energy that says that the two of you would mesh well together in your romantic typing. It's because the two of you understand each other better than anybody else ever would. When you are easily misunderstood by other people, it's hard to find that one person who just knows what you're talking about. In this case, when the two of you make eye contact, it's easy to see that you are kindred spirits that have been lost from each other for some time.
You both trust but only when it is necessary. You know when to set boundaries and when to be wary of the people around you. You know how to control yourself in the moment even if the emotions inside of you are going all over the place. You're just the kind of person that needs somebody who can be strong so that you have a moment to be weak. In Vice versa, it would also be important. He never lets himself have a moment with his guard down so would you, it's nice to know that he can do it without fear.
With that said, it's not that hard to imagine that he would have a vetted interest in astrology because it's not all that far off from the dark magic that he normally likes to read about. There's a lot of overlap in these interests so it's something he knows. He may not be as well-versed as you but you can trust that he can easily keep up in a conversation and makes you feel like you have somebody who listens. It's rare to have somebody listen to you when you're talking about something that you're passionate about because people may not understand how much it means to you when you talk about it. He knows what that feels like.
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CHARACTER ASK THING!!!
Olberic, Cyrus, Ori and Agnea!!!!!
PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH!!!
Olberic:
Favourite Thing: in love with this man's theme. we love brass instruments in this household
Least Favourite Thing: not a huge fan of monarchies but the guy's allowed to serve whoever he wants to serve
Favourite Line: i'm not super deep into his story so i'm gonna have to go with "I wreak havoc upon thee!" from when he uses Brand's Thunder
brOTP: brOTP isn't the right word for it but i love his dynamic with Phillip. certified little guy and his insanely powerful knight mentor
OTP: Erhardt i guess? i think there's some worthwhile stuff there but i'm not sure if i'd prefer it romantically
nOTP: Cyrus, on the grounds that i am a firm believer in aroace/romance averse Cyrus
Random Headcanon: he has tried thrice to ride a horse. thrice he has failed.
Unpopular Opinion: gonna have to hold off on this one because i don't really know enough about him to formulate something of that variety
Song: military marches in general, which bears with it three distinct possible options: good, good, and deeply unfortunate (in order. anyone with any knowledge of the last one will be able to tell you why it's so unfortunate).
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Favourite Picture: i think his depiction in the Break, Boost, and Beyond album art is beyond fun because just:
all of the modernized outfits are fun but Olberic gets an octopus jacket, sick shades, AND a bass. cool levels are off the damn charts
Cyrus:
Favourite Thing: gonna sound like a damn nerd but the themes he represents. Professor Cyrus Albright is a representation of the progression of humanity as it marches ever forward (his story culminates in refuting Lucia's ivory-tower offer), and i've been carrying his final monologue with me ever since i first heard it
Least Favourite Thing: the "too pretty for his own good" bit is kinda lame. its not bad and it can be funny, but its very middling
Favourite Line: "I teach my students with the expectation that one day, they will surpass me.", because again, i LOVE the themes of Cyrus's story and that line summarizes them perfectly
brOTP: odette. just a couple of odd birds that can't stand each other but are also besties.
OTP:
nOTP: everyone. next question.
Random Headcanon: i think that he has a background both in theatre and in orchestra, and took them both as minors when he got his degree in history
Unpopular Opinion: his lack of an arc is not only not detrimental to his character, but i'm GLAD that they didn't give him one. giving him an arc was unnecessary for his story and would have detracted from what made it great (the themes. them's some tasty themes)
Song: again just waltzes in general, but also Queen from Deltarune and William Shamspeare ~ Back-Alley Bard from The Great Ace Attorney
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Favourite Picture: this piece of fanart by @/meansary
Ori:
Favourite Thing: I FUCKING LOVE ORI. CAN'T SAY A DAMN THING ABOUT HER FROM AN ANALYTICAL ANGLE BUT OOOUUUGH. anyways i love the fact that she lives!!!! she's just scarcely able to turn her eyes away from the void!!! she realises that she wants to live before its too late!!!
Least Favourite Thing: no official art and we are thus limited to her sprite for design cues. alas.
Favourite Line: "So taking a step back, what Partitio did is impossible. Unimaginable. Inconceivable.", from her journal. its just. oh my god. its the moment you can see the the Moonshade Order is starting to lose its grip on her. she's in denial about it, but its these sentences that began the process of her saving her life. "I wish i had a lifetime to report on your shenanigans" and the moment Partitio convinces her to flee from Roque in his chapter 4 are both also very tasty and good
brOTP: Partitio is the cop-out answer to this one, but im also fascinated by what her dynamic with Ochette might be cuz like. symbolic representation of all the themes of hope that has seen humanity do terrible things but keeps on truckin' + person that is only beginning to accept that maybe life isn't such a curse after all is a very cool combination
OTP: Partitio by proxy. dont ship it, dont intend to ship it (partitio has some aro energy to me but hey thats just me), but i do not deny that it is certainly a thing
nOTP: no standouts in this category.
Random Headcanon: Ori hasn't had good food in years as a result of the whole "if i'm gonna die anyways, there's no point in enjoying this" mentality that was clearly trapping her in the Moonshade Order, and the first time she had a good bowl of soup was positively life-changing for her. she started trying to cook for herself shortly thereafter
Unpopular Opinion: not unpopular by any stretch of the imagination but it does run counter to one (1) person i've seen, but i think she deserves to, and can, make a full recovery. no shade on the person who wrote that super cool fic in which she was tormented by hallucinations of her brother and said in the fic description that they didnt think she'd recover, but that ain't for me
Song: she's so No Children by The Mountain Goats coded. there's always one guy
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Favourite Picture: this delightful number by @/nicandragon, specifically the one in the bottom right corner
it's a very... vivid and evocative depiction of the final moments before she nearly dies, and there's a kind of beauty in that.
Agnea:
Favourite Thing: the Song of Hope! it was a fun detail to make the choices you made throughout the journey show up in her chapter five, and it's like. such a fun thing to incorporate into her story. i love it when characters create art (also the track itself is a banger)
Least Favourite Thing: the pitch of her voice has lost me a little as time has gone by, nothing major but it's not as charming as it used to be (this is NOT a statement about the accent thing. that bit is fun)
Favourite Line: "Dreams aren't good for nothing" was just a fun line, but "The stars... they're all gone" was delivered EXTREMELY well, so i'm giving it to the latter
brOTP: she and Throné have a very fun dynamic. not much to say on it, it's just fun
OTP: hikari? i guess? dude there's ships that i sorta accept into my headcanon of the story but dont touch and there's ships that my mind obsesses over for decades, and this is neither of those. it's a choice i selected from a drop-down menu.
nOTP: also no stand-outs
Random Headcanon: she does take Throné to her village for the next raspberry festival, as mentioned in their Agnea 5 travel banter
Unpopular Opinion: is a great vehicle to get across the themes of the story, but doesn't do it with nearly as much finesse as Cyrus, but still doesn't have a clear arc, and her character suffers a bit as a result
Song: on vibes and vibes alone, Voice Like A Bell by Gregory and the Hawk
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Favourite Picture: strangely enough, it's actually this modern au design for her by @/hanpaopaoo, simply because it does such a good job of maintaining her key design features, silhouette, and colour scheme while also being undeniably modernized
#apparently i like modernized outfits cuz two of my favourite pictures are of them#huh#and the void screameth back#not-pie
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@luhvxiiao ‘s Ask: hi!! may i please request for a male preference haikyuu and jjk matchup please? thank you so much!! oh and pls keep my photos private~ tyty
she/her
name: melody
zodiac sign: gemini
facts abt me:
- I’m an ambivert? when my social battery is up I’m rlly talkative and can hold conversations with many people but once it runs out (which is rlly quickly) I become the complete opposite won’t talk to anyone (aside from my close friends) and will just quietly mind my own businesses in a corner
- I prefer staying at home and spending me time (ie. gaming, reading, watching anime) rather than going out. i often go MIA on my friends and they get rlly mad at me
- im only like initiating affection to others and won’t like it when others are affectionate towards me when I’m not in the “mood” for it
- it is very easy to rile me up? cuz I used to play a lot of sports so competitiveness is kinda in my nature. but I love rivalry w other people so it’s fine (just not academic rivalry)
- im kinda a science nerd I often tell my parents random bio, chem or physics facts when I notice them irl (ie. oh there’s a rainbow meaning white light is being refracted)
- it’s hard to get me to open up to others as I don’t like burdening people with my problems and I have some distrust in others cuz of backstabbing-bestfriend-trauma 🤡
- once I become interested in something I become SUPER invested into it but my interest only last for a short period of time as I’ll become disinterested very soon and pull a 180 (applicable to most of my hobbies and interest aside from science)
- i HATE small talk like I’d rather not talk to someone than be forced to make small talk
- oh and I’m hella petite,,like 5’1
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Hi Hi my love of course!! Btw you are so beautiful!! Literally like stunning no joke it took me a second to recoop, like my jaw was on the floor mamas. GORGEOUS 😩 anywho bestie 💅🏽
For Haikyuu I ship you with: Tsukishima Kei!!
Was it hard to get this man to talk to you? Absolutely but you and Yamaguchi are close friends and when Tsukishima actually asked your name Yamaguchi started placing bets on who would cave first
Yams is both your wing man so when Tsukishima asked Yams if you would even be interested in someone like him, Yams was calling you 2 minutes later in Tsukishima’s bathroom
You were set together as partners for a lab and you corrected him and man was shooketh, like you really know your shit huh?
You two are in constant competition with each other, he was trying to practice but wanted to include you, so you two had set up multiple games to help him practice blocking
As coldhearted as Tsukishima might seem to others, he genuinely cares for you but only shows affection when he knows it won’t make you uncomfy
Tsukishima isn’t a huge talker, so when you hang out in a group and your social battery goes down, he typically takes your hand and will lead you to the back of the cafe to play phone games with each other
Tsukishima has never genuinely liked someone as much as you so he’s constantly asking for advice and when Yamaguchi told him you prefer insides, Tsuki asked his mom to help him set up a cute movie date(as much as he hates asking for help he’d do it for you)
If your not in the mood for affection he simply just hooks your pinkies together while he plays games of does homework
I can see him play wrestling with you, burt he always makes sure to never truly hurt you but you typically win because you take his glasses
He likes you in his glasses anyways ;)
Just like you, Tsuki has severe trust issues but over time he opens up bit by bit and goes “you know I love you right? Or else I wouldn't be telling you this-”
HIS MOM LOVES SHOWING YOU PICTURES OF HIM WHILE YOUR OVER STUDYING EHEHEH
You seriously don’t understand this mans fascination with dinosaurs but man on man he just adores when you actually listen to him talk about them
However, as much as Tsukishima typically hate people mouthing off, he could listen to you for ages and you always know he’s listening because he’ll ask you questions
It’s actually quite adorable to see him light up like this over your interests
CONSTANTLY pokes fun of your height, he’ll hold things above your head and sass you about like “Now come on, that’s not the way we ask for things. How about a kiss, huh?”
He likes to FaceTime during the night while he’s starting to drift off so you have a crap ton of cute sleepy Tsukishima pics that he doesn’t know about
He really does love you so much and has such a weak spot for his lil shawty
For JJK I ship you with: Fushiguro Megumi!!
Mugumi literally takes so much pride that your gf, like mans doesn’t even like himself, how could you possibly stand him??
Megumi really likes listening to you talk, Gojo is kinda jealous because you two have such lively conversations unlike him and his lady friends
Once you reach your social height he typically backs off and just will hold you close if your up for it or he’ll take you out on a walk with him around the grounds
Yuji thinks you’re the best and often asks if you want to hang out and paint each others nails (he likes it when you put fun nail art stickers on them and takes great pride in them)
Megumi likes to see you get along with his friends, he doesn’t know why but it fills him with joy
Mans has serious daddy and mommy issues so he confides in you a lot and over time he’ll slowly open up about it (he may or may not cry so please hug him )
You two make everything a competitive game and every so often he’ll lose on purpose just to see you all giddy and happy
When you’re at you limit for affection he really likes to play with your fingers when you don’t want to cuddle
He thinks its cute when you want to play and take care of his divine dogs
He won’t tell you this but he has ranted to Yuji about how much he likes your name and Yuji just sits there like “Man you’ve got it bad, all that just over her name?” and Megumi’s just like “Oh but there’s more”
You often help Megumi with homework since you’re obviously the brains of this relationship
Megumi, like Tsukki, loves to poke fun at your height but if you genuinely can’t reach something he’ll either give you a boost or wrap his one arm around your waist and grab the item for you “Looks like I got you beat for height” and he’d have the most shit eating grin on his face
Let him have that moment please this boy could really use right about now 😪
#tsukishima x reader#tsukishima kei#tsukishima fluff#tsukishima headcanons#tsukishima hcs#megumi hcs#jjk megumi#jjk matchups#haikyuu matchups#megumi headcanons#megumi x reader#fushiguro megumi
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What do you mean you're not telling is more?? You can't say that and then not tell us more 😭 what does that mean? What signatures did you analyse and how the hell does one analyse signatures? Anyway, good for ji, he should be confident because he's perfect
- horny! jisung is valid
im a nerd when it comes to like stuff that can analyze a person or a situation i.e tarot cards, astrology, numerology AND MY FAVORITE; graphology.
IM NOT GONNA LIKE point too much stuff out cause its probably gonna annoy the shit out of some and i dont wan by inbox exploding with angry people soooo,,, BUT the ones that kinda,,, raise concerns with me is chans, seungmins and hyunjins. AND JEONGINS IS V V FASCINATING IM TRYING TO PUZZLE TOGETHER WHAT IT CAN MEAN but lemme show you
this is chans signature and also i wanna talk about the text written at the bottom on the second picture SINCE ITS SO FASCINATING AAAA I LOVE STUFF LIKE THIS YALL ok the signature in itself in these two examples are written straight which is great, in some ive seen inclining and reclining slants which shows that he changes mood in a healthy manner. the two first letters are big which speaks for him wanting to show a very strong side and confident side when met with new people or just media in general, he wants people to see him as confident and he wants to be respected but you see how the text suddenly gets illegible after the two first letters and they shrink in size? its a facade. deep down he's insecure, he carries them deep down and he hides them very well also HUUUGE insecurity loop in the letter "h". the line is what concerns me the most, the line that goes over his signature. you see how its going forward and then backwards and then forwards again? he's stuck in the past. he often thinks back on his childhood or previous experiences, overthinking them and he just finds comfort being in the past. OH AND the text at the bottom says "i'll eat well, very delicious" and you see how theres space between the words and its a normal distance, maybe leaning towards a bigger one but still considered "normal" which means that he has a healthy distance to people WHICH GREAT but when he writes "stray kids" theres no space. he cares so much about the rest of the group and he wants to keep them close, this small detail shows how much he cares AND I JUST FOUND IT VERY COOL OK MOVING ON
this is hyunjins signature! its illegible pretty much or maybe i cant read like i see an "h" but yeah his signature is big which indicates that he's not afraid to take place in whatever setting it might be but the illegible signature or legit any siganture that you cant see WHATEVER THE FUCK ITS SUPPOSE TO SAY shows that he's secretive and likes the game of having people guessing about who he is and what he's gonna do next. like looking at his siganture i just see a huge "h" which also shows me that he's scared to show his full potential. if you have a signature that only states your first name can mean that maybe you arent so close to your family but in this case he just diminishes himself to one single letter which is once again an insecurity trait and i would more say that this is like an insecurity to show potential yk? he's comfortable with who he is rn and such but maybe a bit hesitant to try something new in fear of criticism. he's a very friendly person tho v v friendly but maybe a bit secretive~ once again the line is very concerning since this one, in comparison to chans is going downwards signaling pessimism that can maybe keep him back sometimes but AH PROTECC HIM <33
this is seungmins signature and OH ALSO disclaimer here!! im sure that this isnt their like "official" signatures, this their autographs aka when they live up to their career and maybe not their signature when it comes to official documents yk since we tend to change them depending on the situation but yeah- this one is legible to some degree,,, the very high i-dot is ahshash mf has confidence. like ive said earlier the line over the signature throws me off but from what i have seen sometimes the line goes above his signature which is like a V V HIGH CONFIDENCE like almost a bit too much so im not as concerned for seungmin as i am for chan and hyunjin since their lines always happen and its always over the entire signature yk?
THIS SIGNATURE IS SO INTERESTING TO ME since i havent seen anyone that has this type of signature. he always draws the fox which signals playfulness but the rest is just a line which,,, like its not even "J" or anything, it looks like a flipped "s" which is a huge sign that he craves anonymity? sure he is an idol and its a job that doesnt allow that ALMOST LIKE DAMN but if we were to remove the fox and just look at the line we wouldnt know that it was written by jeongin? which like hyunjin, v secretive almost wants to be unknown? he doesnt want his idol life to mix with this personal life at all cause i doubt that this is his "official" signature. very straightforward, "im here cause im here bitches" type of attitude judging by the size and the lack of tilt
ok i said i wasnt gonna give out too much and i did but SHUUUUSH DONT-
and i dont wan people attacking me rn like if yall dont believe in graphology thats fine, move right along but i like it and WELL IF YOU DONT THEN DONT AIGHT OK <333
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I think you mentioned listening to podcasts? Do you have any favorites to reccommend? I've run out of content :(
that i do !
im not entirely sure what kind of podcast you'd be interested in but i'll throw out a few of the goodies in my huge library of stuff , i'll miss out a few of the HUGE podcasts that have been all over tumblr though
a LOT of it is true crime or human interest stuff , or history because im nerd ,, and a few of these dont have nearly enough attention so [shrug] i'll try to keep this short i guess lol this isnt EVERYTHING ive got in my library or listened series' by any measure
i AM gonna pop a shout to both Stuff You Missed in History Class and Stuff You Should Know from iHeartRadio because their HUGE archives have kept me from losing my mind many times over , and they cover a wide range of both important and wacky topics
BomBARDed (ongoing)
this is the only fiction podcast i have happening right now really but its DAMN GOOD ONE ....
it's an actual-play D&D 5E podcast in the DMs own musically-inspired world, focussed on a group of multiclass bards going to music school !! and all players (+DM) are members of the Texas band Lindby !! and they actually use and play music in the show with one original song an episode !! Kyle's worldbuilding and storycraft are truly incredible, and (Nick) Goodrich, (also Nick) Spurrier, and Ali's characters are in depth and interesting as well as an absolute powerhouse :')
i actually made a piece for its first fanzine, Bardic Dreaming, which published earlier this year and is free to view now, all the players and the community are super wholesome its just very good overall 💙
History & Humans;
Fall of Civilisations (ongoing)
legit one of my favourite podcast finds, im so glad my youtube autoplayed one of these ... it took me like 2 hours to realise it was 1) not the same as what was playing before and 2) had been on for 2 hours and wasnt near finished lmao. anyway, this is a series by historical fiction writer Paul Cooper, and is honest to all thats good one of the best documentary series ive encountered in years - and ive consumed a LOT of documentaries. it covered the downfall of various civilisations through history, and the episodes run from an hour to FOUR hours depending on the topic. its so chill to listen to and just get done, but over the pandemic all of the episodes have been given full movie-quality video versions too on youtube if youre more of a visual person.
Casting Lots: A Survival Cannibalism Podcast (on series break)
yeah that says that lol ... its a SUPER niche topic but its very interesting and treated very well despite being kind of comical at times, the hosts are just naturally funny lol ... it delves around from the history of cannibalism in whole regions to specific incidents as recently as the 1970s, and of course the first episode is about the Donner Party, and it covers things ive never heard of despite being kind of important ??
anyway Alix and Carmella are good eggs
Sawbones (ongoing)
i probably dont need to mention much here other than say that Justin and Sydnee saved me from being SO BORED sooo often, the history of medicine is wacky as hell and its what most of my history GCSE was on so [shrugs]
Cautionary Tales (on series break)
this was a wild-card find lol ... it's by Tim Harford "the undercover economist" who writes for the Financial Times, and its topics kind of weave modern topics and science with how to learn from historical errors ... its a bit weird but well worth a go, also each series has a few celebrity guest voice actors which is pretty awesome
Ephemeral (ongoing)
this is a very strange but thought provoking series about sounds and other things just barely saved. topics include the last castrato, the hello girls, hand-stamped records, the spread of kīkā kila music, and acoustic fossils of wild places.
Neat! The Boozecast (ongoing)
history and bartending whats not to like lol ... hosted by Teylor Smirl and now their dad Tommy, they're just digging around in how important booze is to human culture
True Crime (white collar and weirdness);
Swindled (ongoing)
this is an amazing show full stop. A Concerned Citizen details some of the most impactful and unruly things to happen in white collar and corporate crime. very factually accurate but given the sheer bullshit of the topics the deadpan snarking is [chefs kiss] absolutely warranted ..
American Scandal (on series break)
this one is a series within a series type, and spends a few episodes at a time poking holes in some of America's biggest scandals, from a dramatised but fact-based point of view. such as what the hell was going on with Enron, how big tobacco was forced to own up to covering its own ass, how Iran-Contra happened, etc. it also now has a sister show called British Scandal, which does the same thing for British cases but with a slightly different format.
Missing in Alaska (finished)
this was a fascinating series, a deep dive into what happened to two US government officials who disappeared on a small chartered flight in Alaska in 1972. it goes some really strange places, but it actually turned up a lot of previously unknown information through the audience. John Walczak's new series in a new feed is Missing on 9/11 which looks into what happened to Dr Sneha Philip.
Pretend (ongoing)
Host Javier Leiva holds interviews with anyone living a lie, or who have been touched by them. con artists, snake oil salesmen, former cult members, catfishing victims, anyone and everyone.
Power: The Maxwells (finished)
hosted by journalist Tara Palmeri, the story of media tycoon Robert Maxwell from nothing to empire to mysterious death and the scandals uncovered after he was gone.
Lets Talk About Sects (ongoing)
Sarah Steele covering cults from around the world, in particular those in Australia - where she is from. She often has former members on the show to share their stories, and share knowledge of how they left. each story has the relevant content warnings at the start of each episode.
Brainwashed (finished)
investigation of the CIA's covert mind control experiments, centred on the experiments performed at a hospital in Montreal, and its cultural impact.
Dr Death (2 series finished)
two series investigating huge cases of fraud and medical malpractice, and how they were brought to a stop. series 1 covers Dr Duntsch and his horribly butchered neurosurgery, series 2 covers Dr Fata and his fraudulent cancer clinic
The Immaculate Deception (finished)
untangling the weird and disturbing fertility fraud of Dr Jan Karbaat, who fathered children himself through his fertility clinic, and the impact of his deception. later episodes also touch on other similar cases.
True Crime (Violent/General);
The Casual Criminalist (ongoing)
Simon Whistler of-the-many-youtube-channels cold reads a script about the case of the day, with some of his daft commentary thrown in.
Southern Fried True Crime (ongoing)
Crimes from the American South hosted by Erica Kelley, she puts all the facts out there but refreshingly for true crime she doesnt hesitate to tell you if she thinks someone is human garbage lol
They Walk Among Us (ongoing)
probably one of the most popular UK crime podcasts, very measured and well put together, not weird or annoying about it either.
All Crime No Cattle (ongoing, feed slowed down for now)
specifically about crimes from Texas, hosted by Erin and Shay, they're very sensitive hosts and a lot of the cases they cover shed light on why the Texas criminal system is how it is or show an impact at a national level
Canadian True Crime (ongoing)
Canadian crime from an Aussie who's lived there for a decade, Kristi is again a sensitive and measured host covering some important topics
True Crime (Violent/Deep Dive);
Hitman (finished)
journalist Jasmyn Morris digs around in the sticky tangle around a book published by fringe publisher Paladin Press, and its apparent use as a blueprint in the killing of a mother, her friend and her 8 year old boy for financial gain.
Camp Hell: Anneewakee (ongoing)
this series is exploring how a wilderness camp "correctional facility" was endorsed by the Georgia care and juvenile reform system, despite widespread abuses and shady practices the whole time. warning for csa and child cruelty throughout.
True Crime Bullshit (on series break)
this one is a huge huge rabbithole but a very interesting one where the host Josh Hallmark has spent years digging into the life and potential crimes of Israel Keyes. Keyes is often mentioned as a serial killer with no pattern, but in picking it apart thats not quite true, and has sparked some re-evaluations of missing persons cases and stumbling upon information the FBI has redacted organically.
there's also a series in the middle looking into the crimes of Kelly Cochran
Forgotten: Women of Juárez (finished)
this series looks into the huge numbers of missing women of Ciudad Juárez, the strange circumstances surrounding them, and the potential cover-ups and corruptions on both sides of the border, trying to give a voice to all of the forgotten women and girls and their families without answers. the series itself is finished, but a spanish language edition is being released every week now.
aaaaaand i'll call it there before i list everything lol, i hope you find something to plug your boredom hole with !!
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AL question: is george gonna get any more powerful? i found it a bit odd that so many people could block out his telepathy despite him being a level IV psychic, and ig with dream i understand bc of ~dnf~ reasons. but so many other characters can too??? it could also just be because he's had like zero training but idk. also i just think it'd be pretty badass if george was like mega-powerful, but that'd kinda ruin the whole plot lmao. OOH ALSO [cue rant] i had always wondered: why are psychics so feared in this world???? can't most only just levitate shit and maybe slightly be able to read people's minds???? but then you mentioned something about george flying and i got confused, so i did a ton of research (bc im a nerd), specifically about telekinesis/telepathy, and i found out that THEY ARE SO FUCKING COOL????? HELLO?????? i found this like whole wiki page about telekinesis (i totally recommend you check it out it's awesome) and let me tell you, i was FLABBERGASTED. LIKE HOLY SHIT???? GEORGE COULD POTENTIALLY WARP REALITY OR BECOME FUCKING IMMORTAL IF HE WANTED TO, IS THAT NOT THE COOLEST?????? now ofc, i have no idea how powerful you're gonna make george, and this not me trying to convince you to change your story. obviously you're the author here, i'm merely just an excited reader. BUT HOLY SHIT TELEKINESIS IS NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH (and neither is george for that matter). anyways yea, i hope you enjoyed my massive rant. i usually only get this excited abt stuff when i'm blown away by its quality, so keep up that amazing work! <3
I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED ANON
The answer is a resounding: YES! It's not so much that he's going to get more powerful but that he's going to gain more control of his abilities. The whole thing about superpowers is often that even if someone might have a lot of power, it doesn't necessarily mean they can channel it. The more power you have, the harder it is to use in a stable manner. Think of it in terms of skill. More skill means you apply it to more things and in different ways—ballet at a beginners level isn't an intensive as professional ballet, etc. Type I Psychics only levitate things, and that's basically it for more Psychics. And if you think about it, you're right. They're not as dangerous as they're made out to be, but ultimately, discrimination doesn't necessarily revolve around logic. Throughout history, humans have outcasted groups of people for reasons that make no sense all solely to have a power dynamic that makes them most powerful. Essentially, it boils down to human psychology, but before I go off, I'll just let the story speak for itself because there will be a lot more of that in Elysium :] I'm a huge psychology nerd aha!
And in terms of the superhero wikia (and the many variants) which I know what you're talking about since it is where I go to for all my superpower info needs, I've been using it since I started this universe back when I was like 15 lmaooo! I LOVE IT!!! I can't say that all the powers are the same because a lot of times it boils down to adaptation. The EM universe doesn't portray as crazy as some of the powers in the wiki, but it's a great source to use when looking for inspiration on how to come up with what kind of powers you want to incorporate into the world, etc. It makes me so happy to you took the time to look into it! I am a HUGE superhero nerd! X-men, Teen Titans, MCU, Arrowverse, DCU shows—I've had hyperfixations everywhere so I just kind of bundled up all my knowledge into a Thanos-level glove to use when I can for the EM universe because it's my baby. Though if I were to compare it, I'd fall most closely related to the X-men because they dealt with a lot of discrimination-based things that to young me was FASCINATING. It's why this universe basically revolves around it since human nature has always been the most fascinating thing to me. Man, I love psychology. Anyway, sorry for the rant, you got me very excited.
Super pumped to share the first chapter of Elysium on December 24th!!! Thank you for the ask and for making me smile and giggle so hard so early in the morning haha! <3
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an update and primer:
so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.
learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.
brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.
also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.
neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.
other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).
Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.
one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"
which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.
I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:
I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words
from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).
I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.
now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"
I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".
when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.
which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.
I'm not joining or jumping to anything.
either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.
just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.
it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?
I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".
so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.
my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.
I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".
I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.
I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).
bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.
this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.
I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.
I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.
attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.
im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but
I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".
both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.
I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.
I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.
but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.
I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.
I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.
I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.
I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.
I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.
I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.
I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.
I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.
but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.
but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.
few cross that.
that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.
and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.
and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.
in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.
I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.
I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.
but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.
I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.
I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.
I am experimental.
and the women who are judging me, are not any better.
look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.
I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.
I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.
I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.
I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.
if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.
I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.
I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.
I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.
I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.
I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.
I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.
I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.
I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.
I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.
I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.
I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.
I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.
it's a journey.
I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.
I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.
only to be misconceived.
I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.
that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.
I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.
I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.
I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.
I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.
I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.
thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.
my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.
enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".
I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.
I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.
take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.
I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.
I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.
#I've seen the MRI#magnetic resonance imaging#brainstem#scarred#brain damage#adhd#attention deficit disorder; mental health research; children#ADHD brain#living with adhd#adhd woman#women with adhd#mental illness#neurodevelopment disorder#neurological disorder#brain disorder#about me#trauma#cptsd#complex ptsd#adjustment disorder#love language#complex trauma#dissociative identity disorder#trauma and adhd#trauma warrior#writing#tldr#mental health awareness#dbt therapy#therapy
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Congrats on your level up! How are your stats? Learn any cool moves?
HP: +3 → 70
ATTACK: +1 →35
DEFENSE: +1 →35
SP. ATK: +1 →50
SP. DEF: +3 →56
SPEED: +1 →35
NEW SKILL: Panic-Induced Focus. - Allows player to harness their anxiety to force a one-on-one with a single enemy out of many, and tackle it separately without distraction. Activate on your turn as a bonus action. Effects begin once the next initiative roll takes place, or immediately following the action if combat has already begun. Once the effects end, a short rest must be taken immediately. This skill can be used once per long rest.
Choose a creature. For the duration (up to ten mintues, until target runs out of hit points, or combat ends), you are locked in a solo battle against the chosen target. No interference or assistance can come from creatures other than the you or the chosen target; both you and the target can only attack each other. You take ½ damage you would normally take (racial bonuses and equipment effects included), and are immune to all status effects. However, all attack rolls and ability checks you make against the target have disadvantage (saving throws are unaffected).
#hi my name is carlie and im A HUGE NERD that spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME on this#i based the skill on my tendency go on 'Interview Autopilot' and just kinda BS my way through that stuff LMAO#think of how the amars' from jellyfish princess petrify themselves when in the presence of The Stylish only WEAPONIZED#like a deer in the headlights that uses its own gaze to trap the driver#the 'skill' didn't originally have mechanics beyond a description but i wanted to try making it... actually serviceable???#as well as make sense in context of having party members/multiple enemies#carlie level 23#i wanted to use D&D 5e stats but i didnt wanna bother translating age to level so instead i used pkmn stats#bc human ages translate better#it's frillish with a mild nature btw#please ignore implications of IVs and such because i have NO IDEA how that shit works#i looked up a ton about IVs and DVs and EVs and i only vaguely grasp what it means#i just picked max DVs and evenly distributed EVs (31 and 85 respectively) for each stat#im so fucking glad i dont play that game competitively holy shit thats way too many stats to keep track of#fascinating stuff maybe i'll EV/IV train a pokemon for kicks sometime#but for now i'll pick the cute ones lol. anyway as for frillish#it's ghost water type so ofc i picked that to represent Me#it's competing pretty hard for my 1 fav pokemon but feebas still exists so i'll call it a tie#Anonymous#talk to fiish#dnd#pkmn
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Hi! I saw that you are doing matchups! I've never done one before and decided to give it a try, so I'm sorry if I do anything incorrectly!
I would like a matchup for Death Note and/or BNHA. male matchups, please. Im 166cm (5’5), she/her pronouns
i wouldn’t say I'm the most talkative person. I’m rather introverted when it comes to talking to people, but I have a raging competitive side that comes out a lot that kind of pushes away the introversion?? If that makes sense? I’ve got a sense of humor (I call it the three d’s dirty/dark/dry). I've been told that I'm funny, so something must be working. I'm also pretty sarcastic which is both a blessing and a curse. I don’t have a very large friend group, but I get along with a lot of people. I have a bit of a hard time with emotions/feelings, so I've gotten pretty good at writing poetry as a way to emote.
You had mentioned hogwarts house, so— i'm a slytherin.
In relation to hobbies, I’m quite the book nerd. I have a large collection of books and I love talking about literature. I’ve always been fascinated by true crime as well. There have been many nights where I've pulled all-nighters watching crime documentaries and reading random wikipedia pages. I tend to get a bit carried away with research when I something find something i like (right now it's deep space and I have 7+ pages of notes on black holes). My biggest hobby is music. I've been involved with band, orchestra, and other ensembles and competitions. I’m classically trained on the flute/piccolo and piano, and i have taught myself guitar, bass, and ukulele. I’ve placed in top ensembles for years now and being involved in well-known ensembles among the band world has definitely been my greatest pride. I'm also a chess player because I'm a huge analyst (yeah, i was that kid who joined chess club in elementary).
Whenever it rains I stand on my back deck and watch the lightning/sky or the trees. I’ve always found a peaceful loneliness to rain, so standing in it is quite therapeutic and it’s where i think best. My mom has found me on the deck at 5am because I woke up (or was already awake because my sleep schedule is trash) and went outside.
I tend to gravitate toward more neutral/muted tones of clothing my style is a bit of everything, but i tend to just wear sweats and hoodies
Anyway, I hope I did this correctly and have a nice day/night! Thank you! :)
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I hope you like your matchups lovely! Also, if you ever need someone to talk to about books, just DM me! I love talking books!
Death Note Matchup: I pair you with… L Lawliet!
L isn’t the most talkative person himself, so it isn’t unusual to find the both of you sitting in silence doing your respective hobbies: you reading and him working on whatever case he happens to be working on. Although your sense of humor keeps things light and amuses him, he has a bit of a dark and dry sense of humor himself.
Also, he would definitely be a Slytherin! So that means…
SLYTHERIN POWER COUPLE!
He loves to read and absorb any new information that he can so book dates are a commonality between the two of you. He’s more into true crime books (and solves them before the climax of the story every time) so if you have any good recommendations then I’d say give them to him! He appreciates your love for music, he’s more into classical himself and loves to listen to you play. He also loves to play chess with you!
It’s common to find him standing in the rain when it’s raining outside, it’s calming for him and helps him clear his head. So for dates, you could honestly go out and stand or dance in the rain! He’s a bit awkward when dancing but I’m sure he’d try just for you!
My Hero Academia Matchup: I pair you with… Shinsou Hitoshi!
Another boy who isn’t the most talkative. He’s a rather introverted Ravenclaw (yes I think he’s a Ravenclaw, sue me). He likes your competitive side though! The two of you have mini competitions all the time over little and silly things. He likes your sense of humor, he has a bit of a dry and sarcastic sense of humor himself and loves your sarcasm.
He loves your musicality! He loves to listen to you play and I HC him as knowing the piano so the two of you can do duets! He also likes to read a bit (not as much as you I’m sure) so reading dates are a big thing between the two of you!
He will also 100% lend you his hoodies. He loves to see you wear his clothing and he’s most likely bigger than you which means his hoodies drown you which he also loves!
#fairytailwzard matchups#fairytailwzard matchup#death note#death note l#l lawliet#bnha#mha#bnha shinsou#mha shinsou#shinsou hitoshi#hitoshi shinsou#my hero academia#boku no hero academia
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intro !!!
back on my bs... ( or hopefully off of it?! ) i present: mister saem. if you’d like to plot, just leave a like and i will hit you up !!! anyways, enjoy this intro while i work on his pages! <3
━♡ guess the 24 YEAR OLD AUGUST baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because HWANG SAEM is just as CHARMING as the month of AUGUST. wait, why do they remind me of IM CHANGKYUN? beyond that, they seemed PASSIONATE & QUICK-WITTED upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of HOTHEADED & STUBBORN. i hope they get acquainted here in APARTMENT #8 / FLOOR 4 ; they seem to have a lot going on with HIS job as COLLEGE TUTOR.
basic info.
name: hwang saem.
nickname: saem (it’s alraedy short?!) / english name: sam.
pronouns: he / him.
age: 24.
date of birth: 08.08.
zodiac sign: leo .
occupation: robotics student / tutor.
hobbies: gaming, surfing the interwebz, hanging around the library.
background.
saem was born as an only child in seoul in the month of august - up until he was 16 everything seemed to go flawlessly in his life, even being one of the best in his class; really nothing much to complain about - besides being considered a nerd, but that wasn’t too bad for him.
while his parents got divorced, saem grew up to be quite modest and feels like he had a good enough childhood. he doesn’t see his father a whole lot, which only makes his relation with his mother better.
knowing that he had to try his best to get a scholarship for university, he studied dilligently during the last few years of high school - often sacrificing his social life or hobbies: securing his future was more important.
he chose to study robotics as it was something that had fascinated him since he was a little boy - who wouldn’t want to study something like that?! he sees the opportunity of being able to research and create in this field as a blessing.
just like the month of august represents the nostalgic feeling of summer coming to an end, saem is always awaiting something new to come, maybe something or someone to turn his life around to make it more exciting as it is right now !
now he mostly just spends his time in class, studying or giving extra tutoring to other students to help them through their seminars with ease.
he has always been more on the quiet side, a better listener than talker - mostly due to his upbringing; parents often busy, separated and mostly just minding their own business. at some point the focus shifted from family affairs to just making money and surviving, his mother easily overworking herself since his father had ditched.
before he got to tutoring, saem was doing small mundane jobs like being a barista at the local college coffee shop, at a crafts store or being a clerk in the supermarket down the street - nothing that would buffer his curriculum too much, so he was rather glad to have gotten offered this job at university.
in his free time he loves to play online games and being on voice with his online friends!
yeah, so, basically ! he is just a normal man thrown into this chaotic world, trying to make the best of things even though everything feels so mundane sometimes !
characteristics.
even though saem has been on the quiet side of life, he does tend to leave a good impression on others: he knows how to present himself and he is always polite, sometimes maybe even a bit annoying trying to show off his ‘wisdom’.
he loves receiving compliments and never misses a chance to try and get one out of others - he just enjoys the attention.
saem’s ‘aura’ is usually warm and comfortable, like sitting by a crackling fire - most people enjoy spending time with him as he usually knows how to make others feel at ease.
he is very passionate about what he does and isn’t afraid of showing off his strengths, or to dominate tasks thrown at him.
saem cares a lot for other people and has a huge heart, he would give his shirt off his back to others if they really needed it; he also extremely generous with his time and affection, always trying to do his best for others.
due to his confidence in himself, he also tends to be a great cheerleader for those around him, easily encouraging others to improve themselves or get something done.
on a negative side; saem is easy to get taken advantage of since he is so big-hearted.
apart from that, his strong-will can also be easily mistaken for stubborness; he always wants to achieve his goals and go all the way - often only focusing on one task until it is done, often also just taken the independent way even if it would be better with teamwork.
criticism is a no-no and makes him pout super easy.
wanted connections.
gamer friends: he often plays games at night and sometimes even streams / uploads his content onto youtube; not like anyone watches those, but maybe ... ? anyway, you could be best friends online and not even know you live in the same apartment building!
the fixer: saem is a professional at breaking stuff – or maybe the building is just cursed, however it seems like every week it is something else; a lightbulb going out, the oven not working, the microwave acting up. your muse is good at fixing those kind of things, but it is slowly getting ridiculous...
party animals: saem really isn’t the type of dude to go out and party, but your muse somehow can always convince this lightweight to have one drink too much and enjoy the night.
the smell of coffee: someone keeps brewing this delicious-smelling bean juice... but where will the smell lead saem to? and will they give him a good old cup of coffee for free?
the robot: while saem isn’t quite there yet, he does have a few little friends at home; nothing spectacular since, after all, bigger machines are more important. however, he does enjoy making small, useless robots - that usually do not work. so when one escapes his apartment and makes its way down the hallway to know on your muses door, he is rendered speechless - does it have a mind of its own?
childhood best friends: someone he grew up with, who he could always lean his head on their shoulder without questions asked! and now living together in the same place?! sounds like a dream come true.
penpals: someone he exchanges little notes with - maybe they use it as some sort of diary system?
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Hey, I hope you are doing better . I think I read in one of the asks that you had answered, that you are in the linguistics field? That's actually so cool, as a person who loves languages and is fascinated by the origin of different languages and their association to cultures, I would love to know if you have any pointers on learning a new language, and possibly a reading on which language I should pick up next to learn, which would end up playing an important part in my life? I have one in mind, but I would like to hear what the cards have to say. You can ignore this if you're not in the mood. Thank you. Sending positive energy your way. May you receive what you manifest.-IPR🌒🍂
IM ALWAYS DOWNNNN TO talk about languages and cultures and news and stuff lol. I actually have a langblr here on tumblrs called @learningcherryblossoms based off of sakura haruno because I want to be as strong literally and mentally as she is lol and she’s also wicked smart and looked down upon constantly, .... just like me LOL anyway
My biggest pointers for learning a language are kind of simple
1. Make sure you want to stick with it for the long haul
2. Make sure you know the reason why you want to study it -can literally be anything -
and 3. make sure you take breaks lol
I’m glad the langblr and studyblr community have really come around to the whole idea of taking breaks and things -even if none of us follow our own advice xD -- because burnout is real and it’s strong and I had it for years until 2017 xD I have a whole post on that somewhere on my blog.
anyway xD Languages and just the study of Language is just so cool and so rad lol
OPE I just saw the tarot questions but I’m too excited so no time for waiting xD
Honestly, I say learn whatever you truly want to learn xD right my love for languages started when I was... nine and I said to myself, one day I am going to France. Hasn’t happened yet BUT it started my journey on learning French and through that process and honestly some amazing teachers, one of whom was my art instructor and friend who I lost a couple of weeks ago, I’ve truly developed a love for that language, culture and... Europe as a whole. Like through that development I found out about cool places in Europe, I found a love in Japan and Eastern Europe. I’m studying six languages lololol. I’m fully convinced that, had I not pursued French with such a passion as I did, I’d probably.... idk be no where lol.
And that’s kind of saying something because the biggest thing after that to me is animal science and environmental activism lol I was literally in college pursuing a biology degree and I am a huge environmental science nerd xD
Anyway anyway anyway xD
I drew the Empress, 10 of pentacles, knight of cups with the nine of cups in reverse as the overall energy. and I’ll also talk about what was behind it which was the Lovers.
Okay, so this tells me that the universe wants you to know that.... you should be pursuing the language you have in mind ;) kind of an odd belief but I believe things are brought to us for a reason. Right, I have an older sister who firmly believes I once lived in France in a past life. that’s why I decided at such a young age to learn French before I even knew what France or Europe even was xD so I believe that concept applies to you as well. whatever you are thinking about learning, you should pursue it.
I’m seeing that the language you are thinking about is going to bring you a lot of happiness, a lot of abundance, and a lot of... self love and confidence. and honestly, a weird thing about learning a second... third... language lol is that we display ourselves differently. Like my Japanese voice is soooo much softer than my aggressive and loud French and my spunky english lol. it’s so interesting how different parts of ourselves develop as we learn about the cultures around the languages.
and that’s what’s going to be happening to you. You’re going to open up and immerse yourself in this new world. I think you already have some knowledge on the culture honestly. I think that’s how you might have been drawn into the language. 10 of pentacles is also a tale of work. ;) learning a language isn’t always a fun ride.... we have our days -and some of us years *me, I’m talking about me lol* but the most important thing is though, is that you go back to it.
And I guess that’s why the nine of cups is your overall energy here in reverse. there’s a dissatisfaction but I’m telling you that’s not going to last lol. seeing the improvements of language learning and how you develop with it takes a lot of time. I’ve been practicing French for five years now and it’s now like coming to me as I sit in my French class, tutoring people that I know more than I think I do. and I think you’re going to be the same way lolol.
Don’t be dissatisfied with your lack of progress or what you think your progress is. you know a lot more than you think you do ;)
which is why ultimately, you’ll become the Lovers card. You’ll be making the choice daily -or nah, despite popular belief you don’t need to study daily xD consuming media is studying so listen to music, watch the show, read the article lol - to keep loving the language. you’ll feel more complete knowing it, and it might inspire you to take a trip somewhere ;))))
but honestly, regardless if this reading was good or bad, I would’ve said to go for it anyway lol. but das just me. you can learn a lot from languages, even if you only ever stay in an A2 or beginners level of the language.
I hope this helps =D
if you want more resources or things check out my studyblr and feel free to reach out to me =D I LOVE THIS STUFF xD
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thots on what constitutes a Guy Game, or if that's too controversial, thots on the best first person games.
ok wait im doing this in reverse order because EASILY the best first person game is mirror’s edge. u can’t compete with perfection?? i didn’t really like first person games until i played it because i was so used to a third person camera but now i have no issue with them and i actually think that there are a lot of perks to not having to think so hard about camera position the way you do in third person games. i had a really hard time with the camera in the last guardian and that just really made me appreciate mirror’s edge a lot because i NEVER had a hard time with it. it was so fucking intuitive
RE: GUY GAMES
this is a little long sorry i am going to go into video game history, which i wish i could give a college lecture on, but i can’t, because no one cares. nobody is obligated to read this entire thing u can skip the next 3 paragraphs
anyway i think there is a very specific demographic that guy games are reaching out to that are like, firstly, men (duh), secondly, we are American!, we didn’t grow up playing nintendo games and watching anime and so we think all that weeb stuff is for nerds. in the 90s and early 00s video games werent for just Anybody they were for kids and for nerdy people (usually guy people, girls got sooo excluded it’s like v sad). like back in the 90s and early 00s games were released in america months or even years after they were in japan (and if you were in europe or australia, FORGET IT) and the translations were often kind of shoddy and slapped together, so you wound up missing stuff sometimes or getting something hilarious like “all your base are belong to us” (kudos to one of the internet’s very first memes...you memers out there better respect...video games MADE YOU...). anyway the point being japanese made games are not always appealing/accessible to the average american (who sees and anime and goes...why do they look like that thats weird)
so that’s where a console like xbox comes from, it’s american-made, it’s the first of its kind, its gonna compete with nintendo (ostensibly for families/kids) and playstation (ostensibly for more grownup games) and americanize/westernize what is essentially a japanese medium at that point to make it accessible to americans/western men (because video games won’t be For Girls until like, very generously, the mid 2000s, and even now it’s a crapshoot), because it’s a huge untapped audience who aren’t experiencing or enjoying this medium, and if people wanna keep making games, games gotta keep making money, you know how it is w/ capitalism
as a side note i think it’s worth noting that before xbox came into the picture, sega was making its own consoles (genesis etc) that were VERY well-received by american audiences...sonic the hedgehog got like a FUCKTON of american-exclusive media such as shows and even a live action movie that came out as recently as THIS YEAR. but they didn’t have as much casual appeal and also had other difficulties, and so once they went under console-wise the market kind of opened up for something New. something with the american-friendly appeal of sonic, and something with the casual appeal of nintendo games, something with the more grownup appeal of playstation. so boom, you have xbox, you have halo, call of duty, etc. suddenly after almost two decades of japan exclusively cornering the home console market, americans can make games! wild!
(skip to here) and so i think that’s what a guy game is: a game made by american men specifically to appeal TO american men, or, at the very least, to not be a threat or turn-off to that demographic. guy games are exemplify american masculinity, and get their roots from what that meant in the early 00s (bearing in mind that as a rule Classic american masculinity is usually sexist/racist/homophobic lol). they have either male protags or female protags that are there to be eye candy. they’re often violent and lighter on the story content (or with a story specifically geared towards men, like halo, which was a huge rousing success) and feature limited women/romance plot lines. they’ve typically got that instant-reward action hack-em-up/shooting gameplay and not very many puzzles, because they’re by design meant to be easy to get into so as not to scare away the new audience they were trying to court
happily that definition has expanded somewhat and we now have the phenomenon of the little girls from previous guy games (emily kaldwin from dishonored, ellie from tlou) becoming the protags of sequels in their own right. and it’s not like guy games are all bad because i, A Woman, have enjoyed many guy games myself. shooting is satisfying gameplay and sometimes im just not in the Mood for big heavy romance arcs like u find in rpgs. technically mirror’s edge borders on being a guy game but it’s got a TON of well-rounded women in it including a female protag who isn’t just there for sex appeal. games including guy games have more characters of color now (not to point to mirror’s edge twice but LIIIKE it’s one of the best games ever made, so). “””guy games””” made in the 2010s are just more inclusive generally bc american devs figured out women like games and they spend money too, and so gradually the classic “guy game” genre is sort of merging into the more broad thing of just “american games” which is probably a good thing but has also been fascinating to watch in real time. ok lecture over ty everyone for attending
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Modern!Tropang Nerds Headcannons, Part I
this ended up longer than it should be... also, yes i know it’s weird ‘cuz it’s in English but trust me, i realized that mistake too late and i apologize
anyway, it’s under the cut because i got little carried away
BASILIO:
His eyes are black, but theyre anything but boring: his gaze can pull even the toughest of people in, either fascinating them or scaring them; and Isagani's probably written a verse or two about them after he sees how gorgeous they are (Basilio probs thought it was weird, but he still found it flattering nonetheless). Actually very expressive, you just have to know how to look. Has permanent eyebags (from late-night study sessions) and long eyelashes framing them (he gets it from his momma). They may be deep, dark, and mysterious, but the way his eyes light up when he laughs, getting all crinkly and stuff is just… beautiful.
HE WEARS GLASSES. FIGHT ME ON THIS.
His nose isn't too flat, just enough to hold up his glasses so it doesn't slide
His bottom lip and top lip share the same thickness, and are plump enough to make one wonder how kissing them would feel like. Also, he'd probably have the habit of biting off the skin when it gets chapped (dammit basilio get some lip balm)
His usual, stoic face looks otherwise to other people; he gets really surprised when they tell him he scares them. He often gets told he looks like he's going to slice open the next person who bumps into him. He's confused, most of the time, because "im literally not mad, guys?? What??" He also gets told he looks hot. He doesn't know how to react to that
If he looked hot wearing his normal face, he's pretty fucking cute when he's joking around, smiling and laughing. He looks all boyish, easygoing, and mischievous, a far cry from what people see when they first meet him
He's never going to admit this, but he doesn't have to because it shows: he loves dressing up real good. He won't spend too much on clothes, but it's just enough so that he looks like he stepped out of a magazine or something
He looks especially good in hoodies, probably because he rarely ever wears them
His blood is 75% coffee
Loves horror and gore movies only because he gets to point out its scientific flaws, they're practically a weird mix of reviewing and comedy to him
He probably keeps an old picture of him, Crispin, & Sisa for motivation, he looks at it whenever he feels taxed by the shit he's going through
He isn't religious or superstitious, though being raised in the province means he knows a considerable amount of folk tales and urban legends
Science Nerd
He's actually lowkey talkative and loves scientific discourse, get him started on it and he won't be able to stop. Probably loves biology and chemistry
Surprises people by his encyclopedic knowledge of obscure and morbid topics such as the best weapons to kill someone quickly, the most venomous substances know to man, etc. Isagani digs this. He's like a fountain of knowledge for when he needs something scientifically accurate for his writings
Has the patience of a saint
Hates fights and arguments; only a handful of things ever piss him off and it's when a) people use his past against him (the only people who can do this are Simoun and Isagani, and there is no way in hell Isagani's going to do that to him) and b) when people hurt/talk shit about the people he loves and cares for
Has ridiculous big brother instincts; which means he's very protective over his friends and close peers (even more so when they're younger than him)
Probably good at reading people; can detect whether they like him or not
He's that one student who starts assignments and projects weeks early
Never procrastinates
The type to obsess over something (a particularly difficult concept, a lengthy and complicated lesson, etc) until he knows it like the back of his hand
Nervous ticks: it's hard to tell when he's nervous since he's cool as a cucumber, but you'll know it when he fusses over stuff and people a lot more than he usually does
Has ridiculously steady hands that probably never tremble
Probably plays Amateur Surgeon for shits and giggles. He probably also gets four stars on every level, too
Great at handling money; really thrifty and frugal
Lowkey makabayan
Tends to show his affection through the little things; like getting them the food they like, sticky notes with sweet nothings on them, Jollibee burgers with the said sticky notes, stuff like that
He would make sure anyone he genuinely cares about never feels alone or lonely
He takes a little while to get past the initial awkwardness at the beginning of a relationship (any type of relationship, tbh), but when he does he's lowkey clingy as shit. He's going to fuss over them to no end until the other reminds him he has to take care of himself too
Probably gets detached as a defense mechanism when he feels as if people are about to walk out of his life
Highkey independent
He deserves all that is good and pure in this world
ISAGANI
Tall as fuck and bulky as shit, just enough muscle to make my panties drop
Probably has no abs. he's pretty soft and hard at the same time
And because he's bigger than most people, his hugs are The Best™
His eyes are probably a dark brown, framed by perpetual eyebags and rich lashes. Highly expressive, you can always tell what he's feeling just by looking at his eyes. It practically lights up whenever he laughs, smiles, talks about something he loves, that kinda stuff
HE WEARS GLASSES because of all the reading and writing he's doing
His lower lip is thicker than his upper lip, making him look like he's perpetually pouting. He always, always smiles with his teeth showing, and it's pretty much enough to charm the shit out of anyone
HALA TANGINa ANG POGI NIYA
He has chubby cheeks (because I'm assuming he DOES have a little chub), but that only softens his otherwise harsh features
Really nice and likable to everyone he meets, but will literally verbally whoop people's asses when the need arises
Has a low tolerance for bullshit, you know he's pissed when he's dead set on roasting the other person until they're nothing but a pile of ash
He's pretty impulsive, sometimes acting without thinking of the bigger picture (or thinking, in general)
His hands almost always have pencil lead and/or ink stains
Probably owns a fountain pen. That dweeb
Owns a journal where he writes down his writings, but the said writings still end up on loose pieces of paper, café tissues, hell, even his own hand
He keeps his school notes poem-free, but they're anything but immaculate--his handwriting is probably messy and scrawl-y, especially when he's writing down things in a rush
He's only sociable when he needs to be. Otherwise, he's really quiet, preferring to observe people rather than talk to them
He indulges himself in coffee shops (he hates Starbucks, though); he's that one person you see actually reading and writing and/or studying there for hours and hours on end
He can and he will lose days of sleep over his assigned readings
He won't stop until he's finished everything and/or until someone tells him to stop and take a nap or something
He would most likely be a debate team member
He recognizes the oppression of minorities and will actively fight the said oppression; dreams of equality for everyone
Nothing annoys him more than people who claim to be against oppression but end up creating some form of oppression themselves (kinda like those feminists who are, in reality, just misandrists; those kinda things)
Legitimately wants to make his country a better place, and every time he feels exhausted in all aspects he just thinks of the future of his country, the one he's actively working for, and he finds the will to fight and continue
He will literally die for this country when he needs to
Highkey loves the sea and always, always feels at home there
He's a huge beach person
He is definitely the jealous type. However, he never manifests his jealousy in the form of violence, he just cries and/or sulks somewhere
Will willingly lower his pride and apologize even if it's the other person's fault; he almost always wins his arguments but when it comes to his special someone, he would gladly lose bless his soul
Definitely a blusher and would get nervous as fuck over meeting/talking to the person that he liked
He's the type to stumble over his words and sentences whenever he talks about something that he likes; it's a joy to talk to him about the things he enjoys because he's practically vibrating with happiness. It's adorable and contagious
He would be the type to take his bf/gf out on a beach date. If it were in the day he'd organize a little picnic, if it were during the night he'd probably just show them the stars and hold their hand and tell them random little stories he's never told anyone before. He'd make them laugh and it'd be the most disgustingly sweet thing ever
(help I just died writing that)
He's also the type to just… stare at his special someone when they're sleeping, reading, or doing something mundane because he thinks they’re just so damn beautiful and he's lucky to have them
He's also the type to tell them they're beautiful when they least expect it
He can be blinded by his own optimism, and when he's disappointed, it just crushes him
When he stands for or against something, there's no shaking it. His principles are as tough as stone
He's brave, never failing to do what he thinks is right. He's pretty reckless, though
part ii
#el nolibusterismo#basilio#isagani#yes holy shit i just about keeled over when i was writing Isagani's#i love that bitch so much it hurts#also basilio strikes me as someone who looks outwardly serious but it's really the exact opposite#and yeah it's open for discourse i need fic material#this was for a fic im planning to write so that's definitely something to wait for#mongol no. 2#slightly serious#slightly not
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