#everyone needs to calm the actual fuck down
Note
I dont know if you write for the Omegaverse..
Because how about a Bully (Alpha) x Nerd Male Reader (Omega) like the two of them dont get the Second Gender until now.. So basically the Bully realise that the Reader is his Fated Mate and dosent want anybody near him, only HIS.. But is really dificult for the Reader to not only Trust him but is also really scared of him..
So Reader first heat is a mess (Like the Bully is constally pound him with meaty d*ck) and the Bully is constally tell him sweet and suductive things to try to calm him down, even tho the Reader is crying because he still scared..
Finally ending with the Reader even more sacred knowing that the Alpha has mated him and posibly '´mark´´ him?
Well, I never have before, but I'll try! Apologies in advance for any mistakes
Yandere Bully Alpha x Nerd Omega Reader
M yan x M reader
TW - Possessiveness, jealousy, implied bullying, NSFW, dubcon
Somehow, since your bully realized you were his fated mate, life only got more difficult. At least you could have friends before! Now he occupied all your attention. If someone made eye contact with you for too long, he considered them a threat.
Honestly, you almost preferred how he acted in the past. Back when he would mock every little thing you did and make your life as hard as he could on purpose. Back when he made you do his homework and beat you up if you refused.
Now, he had you tutor him. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't make you sit on his lap, or if he actually paid attention. He just sat there watching you work and listening to you teach him. He would hurt his face in your neck and breath in your scent, letting his voice fill your ears.
No wonder he always got so jealous when you used to have friends. It was your fault he felt that way, or so he thought. But once he realized you were meant to be his, he realized it was everyone else's fault! They shouldn't be near what's his.
He completely monopolized your time. Whenever you weren't at home, he was making you hang out with him. He'd try to spoil you with things to make up for how he treated you in the past, but that didn't fix it.
He hurt you. He made your life miserable, and he knew he was doing it the whole time. The damage he caused couldn't be fixed by some nice words or gifts.
He just didn't get it. No matter how hard he tried, you always recoiled from his touch. You always got tense when he held you. You never seemed to believe him when he showered you with praises. You didn't like his gifts. What was he doing wrong?
Maybe you liked it better when he was bullying you? So he tried it. He tried being mean to you again. But that only seemed to make it worse! He didn't get it. Why wouldn't you love him?! You were supposed to! He was your fated mate, so you had to love him!
He could only think of one more way to earn your love.
You didn't show up to school one day, which worried him. So of course, like a good mate, he skipped school after the first hour and promptly made his way to your house. He knew where you hid the so are key, so he just let himself in.
And there was a glorious sight awaiting him once he reached your room. There you were, face buried in your pillow, ass up as you stroked your aching cock. Your scent was absolutely overwhelming, and the sight immediately made him hard. You were already in the perfect position for him.
He quietly walked around you, adjusting his pants to let his meaty cock spring free. He'd help you...prove you needed him. Like a good mate.
"You need help there, my mate?" He carefully got behind you, using one hand to spread your ass and the other to line himself up with your needy hole.
You gasped at his raspy voice against your ear. There he was. The last man you wanted to see right now. He'd surely take advantage of your pathetic state.
But at the same time, just one look at his massive cock distracted you, your mind clouded by thought of being fucked.
He didn't let you answer before slowly pushing into you. He had to take it slow, filling you up inch by inch. He didn't want to hurt you. Not yet.
"Shhhh, that's it, you're doing so good." He cooed in your ear as you whined.
Once he thought you were ready, he slowly thrust into you...but it wasn't long before he lost control. How could he not? You felt so good all warm and tight around his thick cock. He was entirely unable to resist the incredible feeling.
He was relentless, stretching you to fit his huge cock without much care for your comfort. Even when tears began to stream down your face, he didn't slow down. He just kissed them away as he continued his harsh thrusts.
You were just crying because you weren't used to feeling this good. Right? That had to be it.
"It'll be okay, you're taking me so well." He hushed you, his breath hot against your skin as he trailed kisses across your jaw.
Your choked moans only enticed him further. He could already feel himself needing to cum. He's never felt such amazing pleasure before. No wonder you were his.
His kisses trailed lower and lower, down your neck, turning harsher. Turning to sucking and gentle nibbling, until he was biting you. He had to mark you of course, and in the most obvious places he could too. You were his. Everyone had to know.
He made sure you were the first to cum, which wasn't hard. Your heat had made you more sensitive. He was enjoying every bit of that. And you deserved to be the one feeling all the pleasure right now.
As you own cum covered your stomach, chest, and the sheets beneath you he couldn't help but praise you more. "What a good boy...I knew you enjoyed this as much as I did. Don't worry, you have your whole heat cycle to get used to me."
He wasn't going to let you feel needy for even a second. He was going to fuck you hard day and night, filling you with his cum, until your heat was over. He was just such a good mate like that.
Again, apologies for any mistakes!
#blarsh writes#yandere x reader#yandere#x reader#anon ask#male yandere#yandere x you#male x reader#yandere x darling#male yandere x reader#x male reader#male reader#male x male#male yandere x you#male yandere x male reader#male y/n
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you're worth fighting for
summary: sequel to old habits or... in which there's an angry love confession between exes
pairings: emily prentiss x f!bau!reader
warnings/content: heated arguments; language; discussion about a breakup; weapons; mentions of an altercation with an unsub that involves a gun; Angst!; suggestive content (no smut); grammar errors? I proofread this at 2am
a/n: the part 2 some of you asked for. this WILL have a part 3 so don't kill me. be patient.
navi
masterpost
cm masterlist
[part 1] [part 3]
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“why would you do that?” you bursted inside her office. everyone had left already, it was late, the jet ride itself was tiring because you had to stare at emily in front of you since it was the only seat left. you just wanted to lay down in your bed and rot honestly. but you couldn't do that without letting your anger out first.
emily had pushed you out of the way as the unsub aimed at you. he fired at her. it hit her arm, grazed it, actually, but still. she took a bullet for you and you were about to fucking steal that gun from him and shot him in the head for that. you were so mad, but your rage was directed at the wrong person and you would think about that tonight as you laid in bed, not now. because now, she needed to hear it.
“why would you get in front of me—”
emily barely looked up from the pile of files in her desk. “because there was a gun being pointed at you?”
“yeah, well, I had it handled!” you jabbed through gritted teeth.
she nodded, turning around to put something inside her bag. she had the audacity of getting her stuff ready to go home while you were furiously trying to talk to her. “sure. yeah. your idea was to take off your bulletproof vest like a damn martyr and go for a conversation? that guy was reckless and unpredictable, do you think that would've worked?”
you rubbed a hand against your face. “oh, I'm sorry I didn't listen to an order of my unit chief and now your ego is bruised, emily.”
that seemed to have an affected on her because it was the first time she reacted other than being completely blank since you walked inside her office.
her dark brown eyes narrowed at you, “my ego— that's not about me. you could've seriously gotten hurt. you could have gotten shot!” she scolded you as you raised a brow in response.
“well, I didn't because you pushed me out of the way with your fucking hero complex, so thank you.”
emily sighed in the way you knew she was tired of that conversation and she would do anything to appease you to get out of the situation. “what's gotten into you?”
you bit your inner cheek so hard that the metallic taste of blood reached your tongue. “nothing, emily.” you said with a resigned tone. already tired of being in the same room as her. “have a good night.”
the sound of her heels echoed through the room as you were about to leave.
“that wasn't about my ego.” you halted, hand wavering at the doorknob. “it had nothing to do with me, but if you had gotten hurt under my watch I would've never—”
“so it is about you in a way.”
emily brushed her hair back with both hands as she did when she was frustrated. “what do you want me to do? not care about you?”
you swallowed the urge to scream in her face, instead, you leveled your voice into a calm tone.
“i wish you cared before. I wish you cared when I was at your door begging you for a reasonable explanation for being dumped. that's what I fucking wanted, emily. I wanted you to choose me. but you picked paris and you picked london and you picked fucking interpol—”
and none of that was fair. she didn't choose paris. she didn't choose to be pulled into doyle's maddening scheme. but you weren't being exactly reasonable right now. you weren't mad at her but at the things that contributed to take her away from you. the things that took away the woman you loved.
her eyes widened slightly, lips parting in astonishment. she probably wasn't expecting to be cornered like that.
“god i just wished that for once you'd choose me.”
“i do.” she said, voice faltering. “I did.”
you shook your head “no, you didn't. you left every time. that's choosing me?”
“i thought I was protecting you.” she said, taking a step further into your space. you watched warily as she did it. a month ago she wouldn't as much as look you in the eye, but something changed these last few weeks.
something in her snapped. after the short conversation both of you had in that cold night, she couldn't get what you said out of her mind. emily made a lot of mistakes in her life, she would revisit them constantly as some form of punishment and the worst of those was letting you go. that was the worst thing she could have done, because it took a part of her away. she didn't felt whole anymore. it completely shattered her. but that was her choice, she had to deal with it. she had to work with you and watch as you laughed with your coworkers but only spared her a close lipped smile now.
it was easier this way, wasn't it?
no. it fucking wasn't. and emily was so tired of being selfless. she was done trying to play the hero, she just wanted to get the girl, was that too hard to ask?
“i made the terrible mistake of pushing you away and I regret that every single day since then.” she paused as you studied her closely, trying to decide whether or not she was being truthful. “i'd take a thousand bullets for you and there are no versions of any universe in which I'd let you get hurt because I can't bear the thought of losing you. so this?” she mentioned at her bandaged upper arm. “this is nothing.”
this was the moment where you'd rather emily just nod her head and let you walk out. she was good at doing that, she wasn't good at fighting, she was the type of person to avoid arguments.
you weren't ready for her to fight back.
“if you want to blame me for saving you, fine. do that. but I won't stop because I love you and I won't stand to see you in danger and do nothing about it.”
“you what?” you blinked up at her, feeling your heart beat hard against your ribcage.
emily itched to touch you, but she contained herself. “i love you.” she said instead, gaze falling to your lips and then moving up to lock her eyes into yours again.
now was the time she was supposed to profile your micro expressions and conclude your emotions. that didn't happen. emily couldn't focus on anything besides your closed distance and your perfume and you.
you exhaled slowly, taking a step back but was promptly cornered by the door. “you can't say that.”
“why not?”
“you're not supposed to say that.” emily frowned as you stepped aside and started pacing around the room.
“and why not?”
“because, emily!” you hollered with a certain desperation in your tone and she couldn't be more confused on what you were talking about. “you—you're not supposed to admit that out loud. you can't—” your eyes ran around her office in search for something that you seemed to find in her desk. “you can't have a picture of us in your desk. or call me sweetheart when you think I'm hurt in the field and you certainly can't say you love me six months after breaking up with me!”
“but I do!” emily exclaimed to match your raised tone of voice. “i never stopped. and I'm done trying to hide it.”
“why are you doing this now?” you questioned with batted breath.
“it's not too late for us,” emily raised her hand to gently touch yours. her touch burned you and you wanted to just bury yourself in her arms for good. that was how you felt safe. “i want to fix what I messed up, please tell me it's not too late for that.”
you stared into her eyes, drowning in the brown that took you to burned leaves in autumn season. eye contact. that was a form for you two to communicate through roundtable meetings, in the field and literally any outings between the team. it was affectionate. loving. intimate.
you were never a fan of eye contact before emily. it felt uncomfortable with other people, almost violating. but with emily it was... comforting. her way of telling you she was there and that she understood you.
she truly did. she still does. and that's scary because that meant you wouldn't be able to move on or if you even wanted to.
you had convinced yourself that emily was the love of your life and that she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. she was it to you. but she crashed that reality by giving you a poor excuse before leaving for london and slammed the door in your face as you went back demanding a truthful explanation.
you don't know if you wanted to go back there and have your heart crushed by her again.
“i have a date tomorrow.”
maybe it was better to play it safe this time.
“what?” her face fell. “with who?”
“it doesn't matter.” you squeezed her hand and let it fall to her side as you withdrew yours, taking a deep breath. “i'm going home. you should too. get some rest.” your eyes lingered on her arm. “and take care of that arm.”
“is this you telling me we don't have a chance?” emily tilted her head, her chest clenching with the painful reality. missing the warmth of your hand on hers.
you held onto the doorknob until your knuckles turned white.
“i don't know, emily.”
“then don't go.” emily croaked out, pleading. “give me a chance. give us a chance. I promise you I will try to fix everything and I won't let you down again.”
your lips tugged downwards. “i don't want you to fix everything, emily. I want you to start communicating and trusting me.” you paused, sadness and longing pulling at your heartstrings. “look, we can start being friends again. that's all I can offer you right now.”
she nodded, the spark in her eyes hiding behind the hurt. but there was determination in her gaze, you didn't know the reason behind it.
“that's—that's great. okay. I-hm, I hope you have fun tomorrow?” you raised a brow at her, doubtful, and she huffed out a chuckle. “this is me trying.”
you smiled, opening the door and shaking your head. “okay, prentiss.” you turned to her before leaving, a teasing glint as some sort of peace offering. “in that case, I'm sorry I snapped earlier. I was out of line. I... I'm thankful for what you did.” for saving me.
emily brushed you off and went back to fixing her desk. organising files, placing pens and pencils vertically. she was nervous.
“you would've done the same.”
“yes, I would.” you answered without a second thought. you would take a bullet for her and she would be mad about it but she would forgive you eventually, because though both of you might be hardheaded and argue like two dragons fuming when things don't go your way, you're not strong enough to be mad at each other for a long period of time.
“the craziest thing about me?” emily repeated your question during your game of twenty questions. it started as simple questions like her favourite season and your favourite color but then it came the wine and a few shots of a good whisky she had kept in her apartment and all innocent inquiries became drunk stupid questions. like the one you just asked her.
“yes, em.” you winced at the strong taste of whisky down your throat as you took another shot. maybe that should be the last one... “the craziest thing 'bout you. what am I gettin' myself into. what should I be prepared for, ya know... these kind of stuff.” you clarified as if you didn't know her for a long time already.
you knew her as friends, coworkers. but now she was your girlfriend.
“you,” she pointed at you with a lazy smile and you felt like kissing her whole flushed face from how adorable she was being. “you should definitely be” hiccup. “prepared for the emotional baggage I carry and... and the— oh!” her eyes lit up as she recalled something. you fondly stared as she crawled towards you and placed her hands in your naked thighs, a giddy smile stretching over her lips.
you couldn't help it, you kissed her this time.
“craziest thing about me is that—” she hummed in satisfaction as you kissed down her neck. “i, mhm... I don't give up easily. yeah, I'm... oh, you're gonna be the death of me.”
you chuckled into her neck, rubbing her cheek lovingly. “okay, finish your sentence. you're...”
“i'm very,” her eyes met yours and she smiled biting her lip. “very hardheaded. so if, one day, you get tired of me—”
you snorted, “never happening.”
“... you should probably know that, if we have the slightest chance, I'll fight for you.” your eyes softened at that. she was definitely drunk and you wondered if she would even remember that in the morning. she cupped your face, gaze lingering at your mouth as if she was trying to figure something out and your lips had all the answers. when she looked up, there was a spark of determination and a bit of joy too. “you're worth fighting for.”
you giggled like a schoolgirl, feeling dizzy due to the amount of alcohol you've had the whole night. yeah, you should definitely stop. or the next words will be you admitting you're falling in love for her.
“okay, em.” you drawled out as she lifted your chin, tugging your lip between her teeth softly. your eyes dropping shut. “then do it. fight for me.”
see, the thing about emily prentiss was that she was stubborn. when she got something in her head, she would work for it until she got it. if she saw that she had even a small chance in her favour, she would pursue it.
and if something was worth fighting for, or in that case, someone, there was really no other option. she would move heaven and earth to get you back. because you were worth it.
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taglist: @ravensbug ; @lez-talk1 ; @chiefemilyprentiss ; @snoopyaah
#emily prentiss x reader#emily prentiss one shot#lesbian emily prentiss#emily prentiss fanfic#emily prentiss x female reader#criminal minds fanfiction
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Everyone's always like "oh Wukong getting the circlet back is gonna bring some good Shadowpeach drama" but like... How would Mk feel??? I can just imagine Wukong freaking the fuck out and Mk of all people is the only one who can calm him down, the WHOLE gang (including Macaque) just remind of the journey. ESPECIALLY TANG.
like bro... how hard is it to have some sunburst duo angst guys.... all I want to see is Mk realizing how emotionally fucked up Wukong is and him being the only person he's emotionally vulnerable with, I really wanna see how Mk and swk interacting like this because Mk feels like swk is all holy and shit, but I am in desperate need of swk being forced to show how actually broken he is, and who else can he trust BUT Mk?
mk Is one of the few ppl who actually care abt him, and in return, all of the love Wukong feels is directed towards him, which naturally has caused Mk to idolize him- even if he knows swk was never the best person. swk throughout s1-s3 has never truly been vulnerable w/ him, and in s4 Mk only scratches through the surface of the emotional trauma his mentor has. And so I feel like having Wukong freak the fuck out about the circlet is the first step in Wukong actually healing. I feel like he'll only confide in Mk how much he's scared or whatever because Mk is the only person who doesn't remind him of his past (the journey, specifically), and so the circlet has little to no association with him.
and I know some ppl would make the argument that "oh Macaque has known him emotionally or whatever" but I don't necessarily believe that means Macaque would comfort him in the same way Mk would. in the s5 trailer, it's MK putting his arm on Wukong when Li Jing put the circlet onto him, not MACAQUE. this proves that Mk cares abt him heavily (physically AND emotionally), but I don't disagree that Macaque cares, I just think that Mk is more prone to caring about him explicitally than Mac. it's obvious that he's way too early in his character arc to care for Wukong like Mk does.
and I think that that care would lead into Mk being more open w/ Wukong, and maybe after all that, Wukong would confide in him more.
i feel like at this point Mk will have to take on the task of being Wukong's emotional support system, he'll have to grapple with all the shit Wukong has been through, and I fully believe he'll wonder how tf Wukong was able to live with all that. especially now, when he's being forced to remember his past (in a more physical sense, that is, s4 was more emotional than anything)
SO when Li Jing puts the circlet back onto him, maybe Wukong will instinctually lean into the emotional comfort Mk provides him? and since he's probably the only person who's been willing to actually listen to him, maybe he'll open up to him more, now that he practically has no choice.
or he'll have a panic attack while Mk holds him in his arms and desperately tries to calm him down while the rest of the gang watches without realizing that they're making things worse, but hey, what do i know
i am a firm believer in Wukong having severe PTSD from the journey if you couldn't tell already
#lego monkie kid#lmk sun wukong#lmk season 5#lmk mk#excuse me while i write a fic abt this#sunburst duo
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this fandom is a joke. let’s just ignore the actual genuine reasons we came here in the first place & just scream and point the finger at each other. yeah… such a forward step in humanity.
#everyone needs to calm the actual fuck down#season 2 is upon us and you want to act WORSE than teenagers#amazing#genocides and wars are going on but fuck that your beef with strangers on the internet#is far more significant#cry me a river#and go fuck yourselves
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11x09 // 11x10
↳ Dennis + looking out for the gang
#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#dennis reynolds#charlie kelly#mac mcdonald#frank reynolds#dee reynolds#deandra reynolds#the gang#charden#macdennis#im fucking eating him. he takes on the role of leader and tries his best to keep everyone calm and working together#in moments like these his ability to push down his own fear to become outwardly rational is actually useful#take care of the others. make sure everyone's okay.#make sure mac doesn't fall over. get charlie to calm down using the method he's found to work. keep frank from getting shot.#and it actually....... kind of works.#or it would have if they DID have a way out of here without help lol#dennis steps up when he's needed (and i think he takes pride in that despite his occasionally voiced complaints)#he's just. preoccupied most of the time. he prioritizes himself above everyone else until it's a life or death situation.#and then it's apparent that he cares very deeply for the gang#this is why when he says he tore up mac's letters from his dad to protect mac (and himself) i genuinely believe he had good intentions#selfish ones. sure. but it was for mac's sake too. even if he did something that (in mac's eyes) was shitty (and illegal) in the process#that little internal compass he's got is smashed to shit but it's still there. it works sometimes#iasip gifs#iasip edits#ada speaks#ada's gifs
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Hey do you think Jamil has trouble seeing people his age as peers?
Like, growing up having to be a caretaker to a guy literally a few months older than him, always expected to act like the adult in the situation, expected to work with adults and adopt their perspectives and pick up their slack. Do you think he just, forgets sometimes?
I mean we've seen him go into caretaker mode with other sophomores, and the only people I've seen him take seriously are juniors like Vil who also act much older than they should have to (his reactions to Leona look more like a trauma response and I don't wanna get into it here). People like Malleus and Cater still somewhat get the caretaker treatment. Like I just highly doubt that he subconsciously realizes he's actually part of his age group
Aaand that inevitably brings up Azul, who also acts like he thinks he's older than he is. Whether you're looking at it from a shipping angle or not, he reacts to Azul like an actual peer. With older students, he seems more in his element but there's still a status hierarchy which he compulsively reacts to. With Azul he doesn't acknowledge any status worth respecting or see him as someone who needs to be looked after. He just bickers like an equal, in a way that implies he actually does see Azul as a real peer, like subconsciously he's categorized this guy into the same group as himself, who was previously alone on that level (he gets like this more with the twins too, over time, but it seems to start with Azul).
And my favorite part about this is, while that response stems from them both acting more like adults in general, they elicit a pettiness from each other which drags them both down to actually acting their own age, and I just love that. Their characters are perfect foils for each other and it seems to make them both less isolated in a way.
#idk how to fully explain this thought in the azul department#but other than that its... yeah. forced maturity is so fucking isolating#I'm not surprised the only people he seems to hang around with are the fish even though he claims to hate them#since they seem to be in a similar boat with that#jamil viper#on a more shippy note:#I feel like Jamil NEEDED someone who he didn't feel the need to respect. in order to avoid falling into programmed behaviors#he's able to be a person around Azul in a way that nobody else can give him#specifically because Azul CAN keep up. but doesn't command his respect in any way that his employers would force him to acknowledge#and stubbornly refuses to leave despite Jamil being an asshole in his desperate attempts to feel some sense of freedom and control#which results in him wearing himself out enough to calm down and socialize while actually being treated with respect and equality anyway.#And it seems like Azul needed to find someone that he couldn't just attain or control from behind his own walls#he's desperate for the attention of someone who refuses to let him play the role he's developed to distance himself from others#so he has to treat himself more like a real person in order to get what he wants#which is a guy who challenges him enough to prove that it's not just him and the twins vs the ignorant masses#he's spent so long building himself a fortress of wealth and arrogance to protect him from the rest of the world#and now he's faced with the fact that he can't stay in there and still get what he wants no matter how many well practiced tricks he uses#and suddenly they're both just teenagers bickering in school with a peer like everyone else for the first time in their lives#this got off topic
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im going back to bed for a while but. a little thing for yall if you dont mind
think about each other a little bit. be kind to your fellow humans. i know these are times rn where this fandom especially gets really fucking divided, but seriously; we are all just the same in the end, screaming and crying at half naked people on our tv screens
just think before you speak. be considered. like. there are enough assholes in the world already dont be another one just cause someone is taking this harder than you for whatever reason. and anyone taking it rough, try not to lash out, people talking most likely isnt a personal attack on you. just saying
#i know emotions are high and its easier to say 'be kind' than to actually be kind but. you get what you give tbh#i just need everyone to calm down to the best of their ability okay#i dont wanna wake up and see half my dash burning. just once. please#night is an absolute mess on main#and in before anyone tells the kip stan to shut up. sorry i wont i have issues and im fucking tired ✌️
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.
#let me vent here real quick#bachelorette/bachelor parties are one of the most stupid concepts we ever created#it's disgusting and humiliating to me#if I'd have a person who loves me enough that they decide that they want to spend the rest of their life with me it's like an ultimate win#i mean what more do you want to achieve in life? isn't that like a main goal?#I don't even mean marriage that's useless but just that safe warm loving feeling#and then you gather all your friends and you're going to look at it as game over?????#so anyway I should attempt a stupid bachelorette party this weekend and it's useless and incredibly expensive#and it's full of activities that are totally outside of my comfort zone like drinking and dancing and being half naked in a spa#and you have to wear some dumb accessories so that you also humiliate yourself in front of everyone#and first I thought will be able to handle it but yesterday I panicked and asked if I can be excused from all those activities#and people don't understand that my concept of fun is different from theirs#and i don't mean this in any negative way towards those people#it's just different for me and I'd love you to understand that#but... it's also not nice from me to ditch them last minute and let down my friend that's getting married#but yesterday I just had this moment when I thought fuck no I'm going to think about myself for once and it's just not right#because then you make people upset...#the actual wedding is another thing I dread...it will be an actual nightmare and there's no way I will ever escape it#so yeah I'm just full of emotions and I don't know what's the right thing to do and how to keep others happy and myself calm#at least last night I dreamt about Jake Bugg hugging me and if that's not the sign I'm going spend the rest of my life with that man...#i also decided to survive both of those events sober just to make it more challenging for myself#alcohol has way too many calories and i just want stay in control of my brain#i will see if the only three friends i have will resent me after this#i needed to sort my thoughts here even though I know ot doesn't look like so#i hope that you all are having a wonderful day and doing fantastic ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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well I can already tell this is gonna be a bad night
today has just been fucking weird and hard. I'm in a bad mood. everything feels bad. (probably not helped by me not taking the new antidepressant last night so I wouldn't sleep all day)
the plan was for my friend to come over this weekend to help me pack. she did that last time and it helped a lot. (my husband could help, obviously, but he's in charge of other things that also need to get done. plus he's very bad at putting things into boxes.)
but the rail strike is still going on so it's likely that she won't be able to get here (or get back in time). so now that's suddenly a lot more stressful and the one thing that I thought would make it go okay is gone.
and I also have to like. at least reread my thesis a few times or whatever to study for the oral exam on Friday. which will make me want to die. because it is bad. so. that will be bad. and the thought of being asked questions about that piece of garbage for 30 fucking minutes is so horrifying that I genuinely do not know if I will be able to get through it without taking my Lorazepam beforehand (which I know is a horrible idea, and my psychiatrist told me twice that it's a bad idea, and I know it would just make me unbelievably stupid. but holy shit that is the scariest thing I can imagine.)
and of course instead of doing anything useful I'm now just sitting here feeling like shit (like last night, only worse)
#it'd just be so fucking nice if I could just.. have a break#it's just been nonstop awful shit since my dad's cancer diagnosis in 🤔 2015. I'm sorry but that's too long. I can't do it anymore. I just#need some damn time to fucking calm down#like yeah any outsider would probably look at my life and think 'well you haven't actually DONE anything in like 6 years'#yeah that's true#but I've also been sick and/or in pain pretty much since 2018. and some of that was fixed last year when I had my gallbladder removed but i#is still not good. first of all that did not work out so well for me. but also everything else is still not right and no one cares and I#just don't have the energy to fight to get a diagnosis#I'm just so tired#I really thought I'd just. go to uni. get my degree in 3 years like expected. get a job. move out. have a normal life FINALLY for the first#time ever#and NONE of that fucking happened#EVERYTHING WENT WRONG. again and again and again#and I am just. so. tired. I can't. I can't do it.#it feels so fucking pathetic to be like 'my life is soooo hard everyone feel bad for me' when there is just. objectively not that much wron#but it just. never. stops.#I've never had a fucking moment to just. sit down. and think. and make decisions about my life. everything just. happens to me#I just. feel so lost and stuck and doomed and it won't fucking get better! it won't! my life got better ONE TIME and it has been pure hell#since then#like. no. it won't get better. this will keep happening over and over and over#I'll never have a choice. not really. I fucked up my life permanently when I dropped out of school at 18 and tbh I wish I would've just bee#brave enough to do what I really wanted then (killing myself)#because fuck. this is not worth it#literally everyone I love is either really fucking far away or just. fictional.#I have no close relationships with anyone irl#everyone I know irl is mean and kind of an asshole. and I'm too useless to meet new people.#I just. I don't want to survive anymore I want to live but I can't have that so. what's the goddamn point#its gonna be fine. because I'm a fucking coward so I'll never do it anyway. but I fucking wish I could
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In a hateful mood rn??? idk why though stares at the people who LIVE IN MY HOSUE
#UAHG#idk ive just been so mad at everyone today minus my qpp#its not helping that my sister kept like “erm actually”ing me#wait i gotta explain this#like I was putting clean dishes away earlier and my sister went “why are you slamming the dishes on the counter ” (i was already pissed)#and i explained to her its fine and etc and my MOM went in and said like “dont do that (slamming cups down slightly forcefully) ”#back to me and my sisters topic#I kept telling her (my sister) its fine and i wouldnt break them or whatever but she JUST. KEPT. TALKING.#SHUTUPSHUTUPOHMHYGOD#I dont give a SHIT about what you think ill do#i sound fucking delusional#like im just overexaggerating this shit#idk but MAIN POINT is that im just in a really hateful like mood#the only person who HAS been able to calm me down somehow is my qpp thats just from like talking to it#i just need to calm down i feel like the next eprson in my house that im going to talk to ill just snap#i hope i dont do that ill probably end up losing my phone for a LONGER amount of time#uhhgg#closet rambles again on tumblr#i feel like im not making sense
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new órfhlaith sneefsnorf rule im not allowed to scroll through the tags of ccs i like on the mcytblrconfessions blog. its hell world in there
#people need to be normal about ranboo and his community. actually a lot of the community sjould be more normal too#everyone just calm the fuck down and think before you speak. please
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met a neopagan in the wild today and it was a psychically disturbing experience im feeling psychically disturbed is all I can say. my psyche is disturbed
#I'm so scared in csse they saw my blog or something like i don't think they have tumblr they were very tiktokpilled6#I want to complain abt specifics but im like what if this identifies me or something#I hate being a hater honestly I don't like harbouring ill will to ppl#but it was actually like upsetting and fucked up and i had to txt like 3 ppl#being like hey am I being a hater or was this fucked up#and everyone was like yeah thats the worst thing ive ever heard#I mean tldr they were racist and super antisemitic and like#called me + another lesbian 'sexist' for not liking men#and like. it was a 'joke' but like#i kind of want to talk abt it n i kind of just want to pray on their downfall n try to forget it#nyaaaaa#there's like details to it that makes it worse than it already sounds but#I cant explain without like 1. oversharing abt my life and 2. talking abt other ppls personal business n#although this is anonymous I don't wanna do that#ugh i feel like i need to complain about this for like 4 hours before ill calm down
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i am not going to cry i am not going to cry this is the stupidest thing to cry over i am not
#anyway everytgings going to shit!!!!! and the minute i say ok im going to bed it all gets worse!!!!!!! i am so fucking tired!!#i need my brain 2 be normal#better yet j need to leave i need to like. actually stop fronting for real for like a while. that'll fix me#but i CANT im fuckinf STUCK and i cant LEAVE and i DONT KNOW HOW#EVERYONE ELSE CAN LEAVE WHENEVRR THEY WANT BUT ME. IM STUCK#AND ALL I NEED RN IS TO LEAVE ALL I NEED IS A FUCKING BREAK AND I AM NOT GETTING ONE BC IM FUCKING STUCK#I AM SO TIRED IVE TRIED EVERYTHING TO LEAVE AND IT DOESNT WORK#I WANT TO LWAVE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO CALM DOWN#I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SEE THE PEOPLE I LOVE BE HAPPY WITHOUT FEELING AWFUL ABOUT MYSWLF IS THAT TOO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK IM SO TIEED#I WANT TO LEAVE I WANT A BREAK!!!!!! BUT I AM NOT GOING TO GET THAT BC I NEVER DO#UGH. WHATEVER. WHY DID I EVER STOP ISOLATING MYSELF I SHLULDVE STAYED THAT WAY#UGH
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#WHY must I have an instant and full body reaction (plus its downstream effects) the second someone messages me or requests a 1-1 meeting#and then have ADDITIONAL REACTIONS before and/or during and/or after the communication or meeting!!!#my god!!!! calm the fuck down oh my god!!!!!#you have your tea you have your dog you have a screen between you and potential danger you are hydrated you are medicated you are fed#CAN YOU PLEASE CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY#THAT SOMEONE IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT TO BE VIOLENTLY ANGRY WITH YOU#AT ANY MINUTE OF ANY DAY#MY GOD THE DRAMA#you are creating an entire soap opera in your head in two seconds HAVE YOU CONSIDERED. JUST NOT DOING THAT#HAVE YOU TRIED. BEING COOL ABOUT THINGS. LIKE. ONCE#you do not need to feel sick all the time every work thing#IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO BE FILLED WITH THIS MUCH DREAD#you cannot hold it#either stop MAKING IT or STOP MAKING IT#jesus h christ on a cracker dude#FUCK#i love your attitude you're always so enthusiastic YES I AM TRYING TO KEEP EVERYONE FROM BEING MAD AT ME HELENA IT'S A REFLEX#I ACTUALLY AM FILLED WITH NOTHING BUT FEAR AND DREAD.#[sir patric stewart voice but with tears in my eyes] ACTING!#shh katie
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YES! I was right!!! Even Cole thought Grandin was too dangerous, but I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS RIGHT!!! SUCK IT BITCHES!!! HAH! : D I knew more about spirits for once than SOLAS OR COLE! Take that!!! Ahahahahahahah!! He’s doing great killing Hakkonites, and saved a child. The Avaar think he’s special and cool. He’s entirely himself! He did it! He and the spirit, even though it was giving off the energy of something corrupted and leaning towards the far end of the demon-spirit slider, is doing, if anything, BETTER! It is maintaining equilibrium, sanity, personality, and ethics!! Ha ha! Me, slamming my Doctorate of Fade Spirit down on the table and shoving now every other character and player aside:
#dragon age inquisition#I really do know a lot and am so proud of myself though. I worked hard for my spirit PHD. I’d like to thank my husbands for the case study &#my friends for their input and sometimes help.#DAI#r’s DAI run#the potential implication a demon even might be able to recover and re-inhabit it’s original form??? THATS SO IMPORTANT.#personally don’t think that’s exactly what happened but if something close to the edge can I am willing to bet it’s possible for a demon to#return as well. this needs further study. second PhD time#everyone in the party: Uhm. he’s very violent right now and wants to kill#Tryggr: *holds up hand* now hang on. yes. but he didn’t attack us on sight or even think of it. he wants to kill the /enemy/ bc they just#killed his best friend. I’d feel the same#everyone: he’s clearly a possessed mage though you can see that right? he’s an abomination waiting to happen#Tryggr: now hold on. he said the spirit wanted to help and the same goal and offered to save him and assist and he willingly agreed. he#hasn’t been taken over. this is consensual. he can’t even not get it out. he doesn’t /want/ it out. it isn’t the one refusing.#everyone: but he’s dangerous. he’s volatile.#Tryggr: sure but so is anyone upset enough. he doesn’t desrve to die for that. he deserves the chance to prove he can calm down.#everyone: but his voice is changing and stuff when he talks and he isn’t the same#Tryggr: no that’s ok actually I’ve spent a lot of time with Hawke; Anders does that too. it just means the spirit is also talking. not a bad#sign just a reflection of status.#everyone: what. the fuck did-#Tryggr: so as I see it. we have an emotional mage who an emotional spirit is helping. he calmed immediately when he saw us. he knows who he#is. he retains memory sanity person and reason. he wants to help and is thinking critically (if not arriving at the results we might). if we#attack? an emotional spirit might become an abomination to protect itself and him. if we don’t and give him a chance? there’s a great#likelihood he’ll be able to calm down and both of them can level out and improve. Ok bro have fun. just be careful#Grandin and the idk Rage or Vengeance spirit in there- : D#everyone else: what. what just happened#Grandin in a few days - building a reputation and living his if not best still quite good life: : )#eveyone: what is…happening???#Tryggr: knowing smile @ camera like he’s on the Office#im never letting any of them live this down
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I AM LOSING MY MIND WITH STRESS I HATE BEING AN ADULT WHO HAS A JOB THAT MEANS I NEED TO SOCIALISE I CAN'T DO THIS I SHOULD HAVE SAID NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok i'm normal now
#i really really really like my job and i like the people i'm working with i am just so incredibly horribly stressed at the fact that#i am going to be socialising with them in an environment that is not work it is literally going to be so okay#in fact i think it could be really fun because i do truly like everyone i'm working with and we've had some fun conversations#and i do actually enjoy talking to people but i'm just ridiculously scared about tonight and i can't get over it#i need to chill out and i need to make some lunch and just calm the fuck down because i KNOW it will be fine#the worst thing that can happen is that people think i'm weird or awkward or boring and like . that's not a bad situation i have#had people think i am all of those things before and at the end of the day it does not really matter#the worst thing that can happen is that i get laughed at a little bit or i feel a bit weird answering questions or whatever#like these are all things that have happened before and none of these things have really mattered in the end#i am good at my job and they are understaffed so my job is not at risk and if i don't make any friends then i'm in exactly the same#position as where i started it's not that deep there's very few things i could do to make it an actual disaster#and if i could chill the fuck out i could actually have a really nice time i think and probably have people like me a lot more#i'm just terrified for some reason like i feel SICK i love having a brain that works . it's literally all going to be okay i am just scared
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