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cod-dump · 6 months

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hi! I feel a little bit bad for asking since you JUST posted "Time" (the monster handler AU), but would you mind giving any HCs/details about the verse? Like (if you need ideas):

assuming the insectoid is Roach, what're his abilities?

what is demon!Ghost's personality?

what eras are Soap & Gaz originally from?

what event led to Price summoning Ghost?

also: the moment I read that Nik was some kind of lycan, the term "bear" came to mind 😅 anyway, I always love your drabbles/ficlets! It's like getting a new episode of my favorite show! Have a great weekend...oh & what kind of monster would YOU want to be?

I don’t mind at all! I have been wanting to talk about it :)

———

Roach is indeed an insectoid! His face is mostly human but he still covers up to hide it from everyone. He doesn’t think he’s ugly or anything (some have described his face “moth-like” with ant antenna) he just had too many run-ins with people who are deathly afraid of bugs.

• He has regenerative abilities (if he loses an arm it will grow back the next time he molts). But if more serious damage is done to something like his head or chest, he won’t be able to recover from that.

• Roach has venom (it paralyzes whoever he bites but if he injects too much it can cause lasting damage to their nerves). Roach has accidentally made someone permanently lose all feeling and function in everything below their waist. Now he’s very careful when using his venom.

• He can stay underwater up to twenty-four hours before he needs to get air (this is helpful since he isn’t a very good swimmer)

• Roach is pretty strong. Not fifty times his own body weight strong but more like twenty (he has picked up a couple teammates and ran because they were in danger and the assholes weren’t listening to him).

• Roach loves sweets. He’ll eat anything without complaint (he’s eaten rotten carcasses before) but sweets are his absolute favorite.

• And, last of all, Roach can communicate and control some insects or creepy crawlies! He’s like the ultimate bug queen (don’t call him that). Flies, ants, roaches— They all listen to him. Bugs also tend to stick around him (he attracts them).

Ghost more or less the same. Though everyone questions if he genuinely cares about his team and the people he works with or if it’s just a ploy. He mostly sticks around Price (for obvious reasons) but he does venture out on his own (no one knows what he does). He’s good at hiding that he’s a demon and people tend to only find out when someone tells them. Ghost never likes revealing what he is to people unless the absolutely have to know (it causes distrust and that isn’t good for missions).

Soap is much older than Gaz and follows the old vampire laws. Cannot enter a privately owned building without verbal permission, contact with sunlight is almost always lethal, can’t tolerate garlic, can’t eat human food without projectile vomiting— all the things people know vampires for. His much older bloodline is the cause for him having to follow these strict laws (and he’s miserable because of it). Soap was turned against his will centuries ago in Scotland around 1300 (where he was born) by a woman that was supposed to be his bride. He’s long cut contact with her, not agreeing with her idea of changing him so they could be together forever.

Gaz is much, much younger than Soap. He was born shortly after WWII ended in England and was turned around 1963. He says he was turned unwillingly by vampire who he would later kill. This act should have cured him of his vampirism but he remained a vampire (it is uncertain why). Because of Gaz’s bloodline, he doesn’t have to follow the old vampire laws (sometimes he does so in a mocking/teasing way).

Price summoned Ghost years ago after his captain was brutally tortured and murdered by an organization that would later be revealed to be lead by Vladimir Makarov, a descendant of what people believe to be Dracula himself (though Dracula is more or less a over hyped vampire that many agree wasn’t the strongest or even a well liked vampire).

Price knew that he, as a simple human, wouldn’t be able to stand a chance against Makarov so he made a spur of the moment decision to find a way to fight him. One dug up corpse and ritual later (which resulted in the Zaragoza Drug Cartel in being massacred), Price would summon a demon that he would later name Ghost. This all happened before he met Laswell or Nik, of course.

If he had something in his life worth keeping, someone to care for or look out for him, he wouldn’t have sold his soul. But he was young, upset over his captain’s death, and he wanted to do something about it. Dwelling on it won’t change anything, so Price has just accepted that Ghost will someday eat his soul.

Until then, they have work to do.

Yes, Nik is a bear-like lycan. He has blond fur with dark roots which led to Price nicknaming him ‘Blondie’. Considering Nik’s human form has black hair, no one gets why Price calls him that (until they see Nik turn, that is).

Dragon. Dragon anything, really. Fucking love dragons omg-

#another monster au #things to know #call of duty #cod mwii #modern warfare ii #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #john price #kyle gaz garrick #cod nikolai #drabble #ask #thanks for the ask <3 #monster au

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dandorime · 3 months

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First paragraph is for those unfamiliar with the game mechanics. Very mild spoiler warning for IEYTD3, below the cut. So the I Expect You To Die VR series from Schell Games has a function where if you move a food object close enough to your mouth, your character takes a bite out of it. The games even teach you how to do this by giving you sandwiches and pastries in various levels. You can "eat" pretty much any food object you find in a level, but you chomp right through it, regardless of what it is, so you're occasionally chowing down on unpeeled bananas. It works, though, and it adds to the development of your self-insert character by establishing that they can be an absolute goblin who eats everything not nailed down.

In the third installment of the game, there's a level where you have to manipulate a wad of chewed gum for puzzle-solving reasons. Practically EVERYONE who has streamed this game ends up getting the wad of chewed gum in their character's mouth at least once, and not one of them seemed to WANT to do it. Which makes me wonder... what is the hitbox of the chewed gum? It is conspicuously easy to trigger the "LOL NOW YOU ARE CHEWING THE GUM" event. I mean, they recorded sick wet chewy sounds to emphasize where the gum has gone once it vanishes from your screen, and they even had the voice actor for your handler record a statement of his disgust that only triggers when it happens.

Anyway, I think Schell designed that level to automatically put the gum in your mouth as soon as it got anywhere close to your field of vision. I think they did it for the lulz, and I think that's fucking awesome.

#ieytd 3 #i expect you to die #schell games #game design

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unwelcome-ozian · 2 months

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Hello, I had some more questions about programs breaking down. Do the programs themselves stop working? So say scramble programming or pain programs do they null? Places in inner world like castles literally crumbling for example? Asking this because we experienced some scary stuff happening lately with what we assume are things breaking down. All of the symptoms match up

Do you perhaps have more information on stuff like that? As well as alters being able to cause pain from programs does that stop as well?

The programmes aren’t necessarily what stops working. Parts/alters can also stop responding to the trigger. The thing(s) in place that leads to a triggered response becomes ‘extinct’.

Parts can stop doing their task when they feel they are safe. They can work towards realising they no longer have to harm the body.

Programming tends to break down at the around age of 30. It isn’t as if on their 30th birthday things fall apart. Programming breaking down is a process not a crash. This can occur if the person is away from the environment. In one's 30's, memory recall, thought processing speed, and the storage space for new memories begins to decline.

Dissociative barriers that may be present in survivors of any type of abuse or trauma begin to break down over time. As survivors get older, especially around midlife (starting between ages 35-50), the dissociative barriers in the brain, which contribute to the survivors ability to function at a higher capacity without having to process the trauma, begin to break down in ways that often cause disruption to the survivor’s life. When this happens, trapped feelings, beliefs, and forms of coping initiated by past events seem to make their way to the surface of people’s lives. Some of the beliefs and feelings that occur may be related to conditioned responses induced by abuse from the past. As emotions, thoughts, memories, or beliefs that have been contained in pockets of one’s personality that are trapped in the past (sometimes also experienced by emotional parts that feel separate from the individual now experiencing them) begin to be noticeably experienced by the survivor, the experience can be very confusing and overwhelming. Some of these symptoms of the breaking down of dissociative barriers may include intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety or depression that doesn’t seem related to the present, also panic attacks, urges or actions toward self-harm, suicidal ideation or attempts, increased urges or actions toward other types of coping behaviors that seem out of the ordinary.

Some signs of programming breaking down are:

Becoming aware of aspects of programming is an indicator that the programming is beginning to break down.

Parts of the system will want to return to handlers (Home)

Inside programmers will attempt to find parts who are defying programming, and attempt to shore up programming from the inside.

Flashbacks

Rapid switching

Attempting to leave

Confusion

They may speak in coded language

Panic attacks

Insomnia

Regression

Isolation

Repetitive motions

some alters may go mute

Become lethargic

Alters going dormant

Alters may hide

Become verbally or physically aggressive (This occurs when the system perceives a threat from the outside. The person isn’t going to randomly attack people. The system will feel very vulnerable, and weak during this time.)

Alters become severely depressed, suicide attempts or completion

Self harm

#answers to questions #programming breaking down #DID #TBMC

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granulesofsand · 5 months

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What would the differences in programming be in someone who was higher up in a group vs lower if you are aware? I have trouble finding info on this.

Also in some groups is there specific programming/abuse used to train certain children for the role of a programmer or handler or kind of more in charge? What could that look like? I know most people exposed to RA have been forced to abuse others so I am talking about if someone was specifically being groomed to specifically become a programmer or a higher up member of the group.

Differences in Programmed Roles

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA, programming and deprogramming, torture, trafficking

This is going to vary by group, but I can give some examples from our cult of origin. I will also assume the group is programming a CDD as opposed to OSDD-2, which does not include alters.

There were/are three paths to get into leadership.

The first is being born into it: your parents are influential or important, there was a prophetic foretelling you fit, someone looked at you and went “that baby looks like a priest”, etc.

The second is growing into it: caregivers notice you’re crafty or cruel or showing signs of leadership qualities, you do well in competitions for power, your programming is well-suited for a particular group role, and so on.

The third is lack of successors: too many kids died before taking on a role, the group was small to begin with, you have traits no one else does at the time they’re needed, that kind of thing.

There are overlaps in the kinds of programming each pathway comes with, and there are places where they blur or become more distinct.

Early Start

A child born for or sorted early into a role will have different torture experiences. This could look like more extreme torture in early life, more use of fancy equipment, or more double binds and catch-22s to convince the child they belong in the position or have the desired trait.

The tricks used for these trainings include more coerced perpetration, intricate arrangements of the system and higher ups, and more splitting to keep trauma memories away from internal authorities.

Subsystems were extra common for these kids in our group. The perps needed higher ups who thought they were living the good life while still keeping them in check and adding more layers of backups. Inner children were present in many adult alters, but the shell of the subsystem rarely knew of any such others.

They got a lot of conditioning to stamp out empathy and encourage that creative cruelty programmers function off of.

Leadership roles intended to be used in ceremonies or in ‘knowledgeable’ positions would have more training to view themselves as above and continue learning, while those who arranged meetings or kept money might have more fear and self-preservation as a base.

The extremes were also more visible in those kids, and eventually the adults they became. Their cover alters could be absolutely clueless while their workers orchestrated large events behind the scenes. Higher ups would be either godly or almost naive, and the trauma-holding alters behind them were terrified and skittish.

Many children are told they are ‘chosen’ or ‘better’ in some way to keep them behaving, but the variations on how far a group goes with each child matters. Some of those kids are rebellious and being ‘tamed’, others are perfect candidates who stay long into adulthood.

In Childhood

Kids, or sometimes adults, who were routed in later had different bases. Some of them might have been intended to fill a different role and so undergo restructuring. Others have organic systems who are arranged for the abusers’ benefit. Some were programmed for one thing and ended up fitting better in this role.

These systems might be simpler compared to same-age peers. Often they are led on with praises and rewards to entice particular alters into loyalty. Tortures might be worse, harsher and longer-lasting to recover lost time.

Most leadership roles were filled by kids placed in around 4-7 years old. They usually had other branches started, some of them still in use, and were a safe bet for perps because they had time to get to know the system and program fine details.

By 8-12, children were taking on more practical responsibilities. They may have some branches still open, and each will be in active use, if a bit lower-risk in tasks. Rank changes were more common around here because children were becoming more cognizant of their surroundings. Some were placed lower for inability or resistance, others rose up through demonstration of skill.

Different ≠ Better

It’s important to know that every system was hurt badly to create their programming. Children with rank early on might have had luxuries, but that didn’t mean it was better.

They might have been guaranteed longer lives or only received punishment behind closed doors, but neither of those options are truly worth their cost.

Plenty of systems have this divide internally as well, the ones who didn’t suffer or didn’t believe they were suffering and the ones who did.

Alters in this stage may be told they are gaining higher knowledge, getting closer to a deity, or achieving power. Those things might have been true to the alter, but don’t hold up in safe environments.

It takes support for those wounds to heal, and the system can’t function healthily if internal programmers are still enforcing training or punishers are still doling out torture. It may take them longer, especially if they’re integrating with subsystem members, to get to a point of understanding.

Later Life

Age 13 was important for our group, some mix of fundie traditions and the satanic-pagan mix they created, and this was when formal inductions into roles began. They usually didn’t fully take over the position, but they became eligible to do so if the opportunity arose.

Few children were herded in at this point, usually only if there were no other options of any age. Adults or teens getting slapped into a role was more common, especially when there were no options or they had been a runner-up.

They were rarely given the same apprentice-role, instead moving in after a death or absence of the last occupant. If the previous system was only away for a short while, they would likely be substituted with their younger trainees. Longer leaves followed by return would fall to older members, as would positions with no young option.

Older members suddenly placed would receive intensive torture and programming for longer than a pre-trained member. They got neither the privilege nor the freedom from expectation, and accidental deaths were proportionally more frequent.

Across the Board

All these systems would be programmed with Delta-Zeta sets (violence-desensitization). Most would get some strong degree of Gamma (loyalty) and Eta (neverending abuse) keep them feeling responsible to the group. Our group used a lot of heavy Theta (ideology) programs to make higher ups feel important and imbued with meaning.

Less obedient commanding roles might have emphasis on Chi (callback) programming and Alpha (base/access) cues to allow a handler to switch in relevant alters.

The conditions and details are very different between roles, but they are all tortured and controlled to the extreme.

Our System

For us, we had pathways kept from around 5 up until we found ourselves out of the group for programming and ritual roles. We were lucky to have less visible damage to our body, but torture was still dangerous and left us permanently disabled.

There were more large ceremonies around us specifically, and we weigh heavy in programmer and priest(ess) alters. Most notable incidents of punishment were with the family group only, and our following absence was explained as sickness or a short trip even to the larger cult.

There was versatility in how we were used until we were 10, and even afterwards we were trafficked and taking other pathway roles. There was less of everything after 13, but still heavy programming that only faded after we moved away, and that isn’t completely gone.

Probably we’ll be stuck getting pulled in for reprogramming until we escape and deprogram to the fullest possible. The group we came from does harass ‘traitors’, but rarely continue physical attacks.

That’s All

I can think of some more differences, but most require details we aren’t willing to share currently. I hope that made some sense, even if your experience is far from ours.

This information is not private, but in the future I feel safer with some indication of common ground, even if only a ‘we’ or ‘couldn’t tell from my/my acquaintance’s group’. It is not required, but it provides background on how much we should explain and what information would be useful.

#ramcoa #tw ramcoa #ramcoa programming #ramcoa system #did osdd #osddid #adaptive system #polyfragmented system #hc did #tw tbmc #tw trafficking

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system-of-a-feather · 8 months

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Okay so like, we started talking to an old friend again that we haven't talked to in like over a year, almost a year and a half honestly and it naturally has me having to go through the "aight what have you missed in the Feathers Saga" and thinking about it made me go "ok its a good chance to make a list of Total Ws in life and recovery to celebrate a year and a half of progress" cause god damn theres been a lot

Lets GO. 1.5 Year "we got this bread" positivity post to just go "God DAMN we are doing GOOD" (not an exhaustive list though cause that requires me to remember and go through every event over a year and a half and I may be at functional multiplicity but my memory is still garbage)

Trauma, DID, and Recovery Achievements:

Identified and got a system consensus that our oldest sister is a piece of shit and basically our life long "handler" and HARD cut her off out of our life

Rebuilt really good relationship (neutral but pleasant to supportive and reliable) with our other direct family members who don't try to force us to interact with her

Identified that we are probably considered polyfragmented and very quickly accepted it cause quite frankly we don't really care

Got most parts to acknowledge that we aren't faking being Asian (I know but that was a long one I swear to god)

Basically entirely got over our 6 year long difficulty driving cars SO much to the point we have multiple parts ARGUING who gets to drive and actively WANTING to drive

Largely let go of a lot of the anger and hurt directed at our parents for their role in our childhood trauma

Largely helped our main CSA trauma holder basically fully go into PTSD remission to the point hes now an uber helpful tertiary host and arguably one of our most comfortable parts talking about CSA related topics

Cleared stabilization phase of recovery and achieved functional multiplicity as confirmed by our DID specialist at the time

Fused like so many parts ngl. I don't know if Riku 1.0 and XIV 1.0 fused with their respective parts to be Riku 2.0 and XIV 2.0 around then cause it was about the time we stopped talking but there was that, the whole Data subsystem and shit, integrating Chunn into the system and helping him renavigate that crap, Lin fusing with an inner world part and shit - lots of that XD

Became a (Zen-leaning) Buddhist which plays a decent role in how we approach our mental health and cultural identity

Finally went from "undiagnosable autistic" to "Yeah you are autistic" because functional multiplicity enabled a more clear diagnosis

LOTS of gender dysphoria shit and gender shit that is too much work to break into main bullet points

Gained massive insight into how we intend to approach our reclaiming of sexuality

Learned to literally meditate and just enjoy existing

Realized we reaaaaaalllllly have a low threshold for dealing with people who we don't actively and strongly enjoy being around

Career and Direction Wise:

Graduated our undergrad - woot woot

Got a job supporting special ed - enjoyed it made good connections but also noted that god no dealing with people so much is not our cup of tea

Got a BETTER job at a reputable university to support research on aging memory with mice that has really good benefits - really like this job but also its not our cup of tea because we don't really enjoy the monotony

Came to the decision that research wise we really would rather deal with people on the "less" than the "more" end, scratching off a lot of human-focused research interests at least for the time being and greatly narrowing our previously wide scope down to the more animal heavy side

Sitting on old topics we researched and found interest in, realized the one thing our brain kept going back to was metrics of studying animal mental states and that we really probably would enjoy that as a nice balance between our interest and what we have the personal ability to engage in sustainably

Decided we are in fact going back to our PhD now that we have decided that 1) working life as a gear in a machine is cool and relaxing and shit, but it lowkey makes us depressed with how stagnant it is and we need more going on in our work life to keep us happy so "ok we tried that, we don't like it, back to the plan" 2) we have a pretty good idea of what we want to study at least for the beginning of a PhD career that could go in different directions organically

Scheduling currently a Zoom meeting with a professor we are interested in to informally discuss graduate studies

Independence, Hobbies and Other Shit:

We live on our own, sustain our life on our own and live with our fiance who - despite being currently unable to work due to disabilities - we are able to support and sustain (also bless zen Buddhism making it easy to be happy and enjoy life on a lower income)

Made some really nice mutuals - you know who you are - yall are good company love yall

Between the parts that are co-hosting, we have so many hobbies and interests its ridiculous; but we added electric guitar, ukelele, and recently a drum pad to our musical repertoire; gardening and plant care (which we suck at which is fine) added to the hobby

Became painful morning people as a result to our job and kinda realized we prefer it sorry for being that guy

Lost the ability to do the peacock call due to T dropping our voice range like a BITCH but in returned gained Raven calls and duck / goose noises

Also learned to do finch calls

Rescued two lovebirds when we moved to an apartment with our fiance - they are lesbians and very confused about it

Adopted a cat my fiance's mom was fostering from a kitten cause shes a shoulder cat (bird) and also now because of XIV she is also a dog who plays fetch and loves belly rubs (she also has extra toes)

Consistently continued doing art, developing the story world, encouraging my writing partner to get into art, aggressively shaking all my friends to art with me

Got Lin to be obsessed with art with me as well

Kept up a 230 day duolingo streak juggling like 6 or 7 different languages (the last like 120~ days or so have been a lot more 'just keeping it up' and me just doing one lesson of Japanese a day since its the one I know the best but it HAS been kept up)

Transitioning:

Started T and stayed taking T

Got a hysterectomy GOOD BYE PCOS

Am charted for seeing a surgeon to discuss bottom surgery this month

Am charted for seeing consult for top surgery at Some Point when the insurance stuff goes through

Have long since forgone our Dead Name in almost every area and got comfortable with our Chosen Name

Considering participating in Transmasculine No Shave November out of Transpride

#alter: riku #recovery #healing #progress #recovery progress #system update #transitioning #ptsd #c-ptsd

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grison-in-space · 1 year

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Specialization is so far advanced in dogdom that even among working lines there are divisions between trial and hunting or herding dogs. Whereas not too many years ago field trials were merely a way to keep a dog employed in the off-season, they have become ends in themselves. Trial dogs, be they pointers, retrievers, spaniels, setters, herders, or hounds, tend as a rule to be possessed of high energy, drive, and speed. Some of the trials are timed events with scores awarded for the number of animals treed or flushed, while others simply require precise execution of prescribed tasks. Intensely trained and drilled, the dogs work close to their handler, taking direction from him or her.

Working dogs must be more independent. Situations on the hunt, the ranch, or farm are considerably more complicated and subtle than those in a trial, where the goal is to make everything uniform so the dogs can be measured against each other or against a standard of behavior—for example, whether a retriever can follow a beeline for a duck on the ground one hundred yards away and bring it back with minimal human direction. A super trial dog, trained to point one tamed bird at a time, might forget entirely what to do when in the field on a hunt it encounters a covey of wild quail intent on scattering to all points of the compass. Or it might face pheasants whose idea of fun is to keep moving along the ground, forcing it either to hold point over empty space or to engage in a kind of moving point, which its handler has worked to discourage.

Dog’s Best Friend, Mark Derr (1997)

I think this passage really gets into what @canisitsnotlupus was discussing the other day about working vs sport in terms of behavior. Here, Derr is talking specifically about gundogs, but the general principle is fairly easy to extend to other forms of working and sport.

In particular, the dog's attention to the handler is something I think tends to get amped up and intensified when tasks transition from the demands of work into the demands of sport. Sport rewards specificity and precision as well as uniformity and often speed, and dogs and handlers alike have to dedicate intense attention to one another in order to execute the tasks of the game competitively.

By contrast, work is longer, often more boring, and simultaneously more demanding: as Derr points out, working situations are less controlled and therefore likely to throw up unanticipated hurdles for the dog and handler alike. Working situations therefore are more likely to reward a wider range of successful strategies and styles, depending on the function to which the work is put and the specific demands and uses of the job.

Moreover, the jobs themselves are likely to vary substantially depending on local conditions, including local culture, technology availability, the social context of the task, and the local opinions about how dogs should be managed... and this can heavily impact the choice of breeds used for various tasks, especially if the breeders controlling the development of a breed with the same historical purpose are no longer engaging in that purpose. For example, I made a point about St. Bernards not being very good for SAR the other day, and part of that is the increased use of cramped vehicles and helicopters for transporting dogs over large surfaces and the necessity of navigating tight spaces and precarious ground for SAR dogs, alongside the ability to cover large swathes of distance in a pinch. The way we do the task has changed, and the ideal dog to perform the task changes alongside it.

Here's another point: jobs for dogs open up all the time. The wide range of tasks service dogs are put to, for example, requires a lot of complex traits. I would submit that no one right now is producing an ideal dog for mobility service work, although Swissies and Bernese are probably the best placed to enter that niche... and both breeds have small gene pools that don't have a ton of room to change and grow in accordance with the needs of the job, either. How big does a mobility assistance dog need to be? How long lived could we make big dogs?

The trick is thinking of situations where a dog brings value to the task without creating more work to manage the dog than than that value eases. For example, herd dogs and horses can be replaced with ATVs.... but they stress cattle less, and once trained they are easy enough to control, so the niche remains. The sensory capacities of a dog are hard to replicate, so many niches for dogs depend on scentwork (and sometimes dogs' hearing) today.

In some ways, then, the fact that we use dogs for tasks in day to day life so much less is partly a cultural failure of imagination and partly a delayed response to enormous changes in technology. But tech often comes with its own drawbacks. I wonder sometimes if obedience schools might benefit from classes designed to teach useful tricks, like the kind of guided retrieves that can result in a dog that can fetch a targeted object. For all the man is, ah, a bit terrifying and not good at managing arousal, Zak George's short-lived Superfetch show did a great job of showcasing this and showing off some of the genuinely useful things dogs could be asked to do and provide, like racing upstairs for a clean diaper.

#mark derr #dog training #function #disc #dog's best friend

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nebulousbrainsoup · 10 months

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Hello! I couldn't think of anything good to request. But I figured I'd try. 😅 How about head cannon? ATEEZ takes you to their high school reunion and you run into their first love. How would each member handle you finding out about this person from their past?

감사합니다! 🫰🏿

most of the month later...

you sure can! this was so fun to write, ngl. trying to reflect their different personalities in the details... ah, i loved it. thank you so much for your request, noona! i think sannie's is the longest*, so enjoy that~

*(editing ash here: it is)

ateez reacts: class reunion ft. their first love

fulfilled as part of my 150(ish) followers event, currently closed.

PAIRING: ot8 x gn!reader TAGS/WARNINGS: none this time but lmk if i missed smth! GENRE: fluff, lil bit of angst (hj & san) WORD COUNT: ...~3k? really? oops masterlist | join my taglist | buy me a coffee?

kim hongjoong ✵ wc : 407

✵ oh man. Most likely to have a messy break-up

✵ not necessarily pettiness and backstabbing messy, but emotionally charged and hard on everyone messy

✵ because hj is a passionate person—his work, his friends, his beliefs; his love life is no exception (and it was worse in high school)

✵ he does everything in his power to divert you both away from them

✵ honestly, they’ve probably barely spoken since then and neither knew the other was coming

✵ but when you two end up at the snack table at the same time while your boyfriend is in the bathroom, you entirely oblivious and them walking on eggshells, they break the ice

✵ and you’re kind of irked at how surprised you are when they’re so sweet to you

✵ with how quick hj had been all night to steer you away from them, you were expecting venom and violence and god knows what else. but they’re kind and nice to talk to and honestly seem a little wary of you if anything (should they be?)

✵ it’s not until they stop talking mid-sentence and you feel an arm slip around your waist, making you jump a little—hj doesn’t do skinship normally, much less in public—and you turn to see a mess of emotions swirling behind his eyes that everything falls into place

✵ the conversation is quick and stilted on matter what, and he keeps his hand on you somehow the whole time

✵ if they’re petty, he’s having none of it. he’ll cut them off mid-sentence, chastise them for their actions and drag you back out the front doors. it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been there, you’re heading back home for a movie night in. snacks, drinks, and cuddles are all on hj as a form of apology

✵ if they’re kind, he’ll stay and make slightly-awkward small talk for a while, with you acting as a buffer to keep the tense silences from getting too long. when they finally leave you, he’s staring after them with a slightly pained expression, and you have to tap his shoulder to bring him back to you. in this version, you’re the one to suggest movie night

✵ either way, he apologizes for the way he acted when you get home, and you’re… kind of stunned, reassuring him that you understand why he acted the way he did

✵ “i just loved them so much, once. ah, well. it can’t be that bad, really, if it led me to you.”

park seonghwa ✵ wc : 344

✵ easily the most graceful handler of this situation

✵ does not strike me as a messy break-up haver; he’d be more of an amicable parting of ways type

✵ most likely to be friends with his ex before y’all pull up to the function anyway, tbh

✵ let’s pretend that’s not the case tho, just for funsies (and an attempt at chaos)

✵ he’d know who was coming beforehand as much as he could, because if he isn’t going to actually be able to catch up with people, he doesn’t see the point in going

✵ so he knows in advance, and warns you/fills you in on all the dirty details

✵ not that there really are any—it was all pretty straight-forward. neither of them thought a high school romance was worth halting their own ambitions for

✵ hwa is definitely the type to make his rounds and then settle in with old friends to really talk and relax for the rest of it, so you run into them pretty early on

✵ if they’re petty, he indulges it for about thirty seconds with a narrowed gaze, a tense smile and stilted nods while he scopes out the quickest escape route. the moment he finds even a slightly viable option, he’s raising a hand to that person and whisking you away without a second thought, leaving his ex blinking after you both

✵ if they’re kind, you probably see them a few times throughout the night. they talk for the longest out of any of his acquaintances, and they’ll stop by your guys’ table once you settle down for the evening

✵ overall, it’s a net positive experience for both of you. you enjoy seeing hwa catching up with his old friends, and he appreciates you coming with him and talking with his friends so much

✵ he’s just smiling softly the entire drive home, holding your hand and thanking you for coming with him over and over, until you’re giggling at him about it

✵ “really, i mean it, thank you. i wouldn’t have had as much fun with anybody else by my side.”

jeong yunho ✵ wc : 316

✵ yu strikes me as the type to have wanted things to work out with his highschool sweetheart, despite knowing that it probably wouldn’t, so seeing them hurts a little bit

✵ he doesn’t really let it show, but you know him well enough to know note the slight drop in his energy when they inevitably approach the two of you

✵ he introduces you as his partner to them, but doesn’t give you context for their previous relationship

✵ (you don’t need it, he told you who they were before you came, maybe even before the reunion was even an idea if you’ve been dating long enough)

✵ he has an arm around you the whole conversation, and you can feel him pull you just a little closer when their reminiscing hits a spot that’s a little too tender

✵ bonus points if you react and lean into him, you’ll get that little smile that makes his cheeks rounder

✵ you’re honestly a little impressed with how unaffected he looks on the outside

✵ if they’re petty, he will refuse to stoop to their level. he keeps things short, sweet and polite, sweeping you away to catch up with someone else the moment he has the opportunity, keeping you from getting caught in their claws

✵ if they’re kind, he reflects that back, laughing with them and letting them embarrass him with the stories they have together. it’s kind of sweet, and they might keep in contact afterwards

✵ all-in-all, he doesn’t want to spend ridiculously long talking to them, even if they seem to be getting along well

✵ if you ask him why, he’d flush, admitting he didn’t want you to be jealous or think he’d go back to them when he has you

✵ it confuses you, and you laugh, thanking him for the thought but reassuring him you’d never think that

✵ “good. because you’re the only one i want. you’re stuck with me.”

kang yeosang ✵ wc : 394

✵ poor boy is flustered oh my god

✵ i don’t think the break-up itself matters overmuch for him; he doesn’t dwell on it so it doesn’t affect his actions/feelings the way it does with some of the others

✵ he honestly probably didn’t even think about the fact that they’d be there

✵ it takes him a while to register that they’re even at the function though, once you’re there

✵ either one of his friends has to point it out or he literally runs into them, i truly don’t know which is more likely

✵ he definitely doesn’t go out of his way to track them down or anything, though, so they end up coming to you in some way

✵ no matter how, it results in a short-circuiting sangie and some rapid blinking as he wrangles himself back into his brain

✵ you have to introduce yourself to stall for him while you lace your fingers and pull him back from whatever cloud his soul sailed off to

✵ he’s another that doesn’t really want to spend too much time talking to someone he has a history with, especially out of respect for you (whether you mind or not)

✵ if they’re petty, he’s immediately more flustered and stumbling over his words a little. yeo doesn’t strike me as the type to date someone who’s even remotely petty, so this either means his ex had a hidden side or has gone through a major character change, and he’s just… stunned. he’s flashing you apologetic looks and reaching for your hand (if he isn’t holding it already) while he tries to efficiently but kindly break the conversation off

✵ if they’re kind, it’s honestly more of a passing greeting than anything. they’re both comfortable doing the bare minimum, saying hello and introducing their current partners to each other, asking about jobs and just… moving on the second they can. the awkwardness might be a little unbearable tbh

✵ he’s pretty neutral about the whole experience, and you guys honestly probably don’t stay for long

✵ when you get home it’s snacks, movies, and cuddles on the couch for the rest of the night

✵ he thanks you for going with him while you’re prepping snacks with a hug from behind and a kiss to the cheek

✵ “i know it was boring for you. i appreciate you so much for doing that for me, my love.”

choi san ✵ wc : 457

✵ an absolute wildcard

✵ the one constant is that he still has emotions about it, but i’m not sure he’d let you know that, partially bc he might be in denial that he still has emotions about it

✵ like hwa, checked the guest list and warns you that the ex will be there, but doesn't give you the details

✵ borderline avoidant, but not to the same extent hj is; he’s just keeping a casual eye on them and floating around

✵ if it manages to keep you both farther away from them, all the better

✵ when you inevitably run into them, his mood shifts and he’s just a little more reserved

✵ he’s definitely already been holding your hand or close to it all night, but when they’re finally in front of you, the handhold gets a little tighter or his arm snakes around your shoulder/waist/hips and he tugs you in while he introduces you

✵ bonus points if you squeeze his hand or loop an arm around him in turn; you’ll get that soft little smile out of him

✵ once the conversation actually starts, he’s drawing patterns with his fingers wherever he’s got a hold of you

✵ if they’re petty, you can feel his grip on you tighten immediately and he shoots you a worried glance. he’s immediately looking for a way out, disregarding whatever the ex is saying entirely. if he hasn’t found a viable excuse in thirty seconds, he’s making one up; waving to a friend that isn’t there, downing his drink in one go, claiming he needs to go to the bathroom and doesn’t want you to get lost; he doesn’t care how it makes him look, he’s getting you both out of there now

✵ if they’re kind, he’ll exchange pleasantries, but again, he’s not going to stick around. it’s very similar to yeo; passing greetings and the bare minimum to seem respectful. if they want to talk a little more, he might stick around for a couple extra minutes, but he’s not feeling great about rehashing whatever happened between him and them.

✵ he’s a little on edge for the rest of the night, only relaxing when you’re stepping out into the parking lot

✵ he’s quiet for the ride home, and if you ask him what’s wrong, i’m not entirely sure he can answer you

✵ he’s the biggest cuddlebug when you get home, wrapping his arms around you and only letting you go long enough to change into whatever’s comfy

✵ it’s a little more than usual, but again, he can’t quite put words to what’s wrong, so he just shakes his head and cuddles into you more

✵ “i had fun tonight, but i like it better at home. you’re cozy.” (in his pouty lil voice)

song mingi ✵ wc : 369

✵ most likely to actually still be friends with his ex, methinks

✵ i don’t think he would’ve had a messy break-up in the slightest, so his ex is probably on the nicer side, and he’s probably pretty open to seeing them

✵ he’s one of the ones that will run you through the important bits of their history before y’all go

✵ he probably spends the most time talking to his ex out of anybody, if they’re still friends

✵ if they’re not, though, he’s a little wary of them

✵ avoidant p. 3, the least of them all

✵ he’s not doing anything to actively avoid them, he would simply like to, both out of respect for you and to keep his own anxiety at bay

✵ he’s respectful at least, friendly at best when they first approach y’all, though, stumbling through introducing you a little bit

✵ if they’re petty, he’s caught so off-guard. like yeo, mingi doesn’t strike me as someone who would’ve dated someone petty in the first place, so this is either a newly revealed side or a personality shift, and he doesn’t know how to handle it, exactly. i think he freezes up for a second before flashing you an apologetic look and steering you away without another word

✵ in this case, the second he gets you alone, he’s apologizing profusely, cupping your face in his hands and making sure you’re okay

✵ if they’re kind and didn’t keep in contact, his response is pretty similar to if they did. they kind of pick up where they left off, minus the touching and kissing. you get to see his grin and hear his laugh and learn some very interesting stories to use as blackmail later on

✵ either way, it ends up being a night full of laughter and good memories, both old and new

✵ you’re both pretty wiped out by the time you get home, having likely stayed the whole night, and he’s at bare minimum holding your hand the entire way

✵ another cuddlebug, scoops you into his arms the minute you’re inside, giving you a bone-crushing hug, voice muffled in your neck/shoulder/hair

✵ “i had so much fun tonight. thank you for coming with me, baby, it means so much.”

jung wooyoung ✵ wc : 359

✵ duality. king.

✵ this man will not hesitate to meet the energy in the room, so good luck to you

✵ strikes me as the only one to potentially have had a messy break-up and still been friends with the ex tho. like through reconnection via mutual friends years later or smth

✵ if this is the case they will spend so long talking

✵ he definitely introduces you first with an arm around your waist tho

✵ definitely knows who’s on the guest list and will warn you, but it’s just a passing “yeah btw my ex will be there”

✵ falls in the neutral “not avoiding, but not seeking out” zone if they aren’t friends

✵ much more focused on going around to his old friends and catching up

✵ however you end up running into them, the first thing woo does is introduce you with an arm firmly around you and a big grin

✵ this man looks at you with so much adoration i–

✵ if they’re petty, his mood flips like a switch. his grin drops and he’s giving bombastic side eye over the rim of his drink, tugging you closer into his side. he’s getting at least one snarky comment off in return, and if he feels like that’s enough to put them in their place, he’s whisking you away to literally anywhere else, pointedly turning his back to them. If it’s not, you might have to drag him away by the collar before he starts biting

✵ if they’re kind, he’s more than happy to talk to them for a good chunk of the night, being sure to loop you into the conversation and hiding his blush when the ex tells embarrassing stories about him (there are Many)

✵ overall, it’s a good night out with him, and you’re both probably worn out when you get home, having stayed the longest of any of the teezers

✵ cuddlebug woo is a surprise to literally no one, and you will be promptly under the covers and like half of his body the moment you’ve done your nighttime routines

✵ “god, that was so fun. when’s yours? i wanna go with you and meet all your friends, too.”

choi jongho ✵ wc : 309

✵ easily one of the most indifferent to the fact that his ex is going to be there

✵ it’s not like there are feelings on his end bc once he’s set on something he’s all in and currently he’s all in with you, so

✵ he definitely either knows or assumes and for sure lets you know beforehand

✵ also checks in to make sure you’re okay with that and lets you know that if you aren’t, he’s more than happy to stay home and have a night in with you

✵ doesn’t bother filling you in on the nitty-gritty, just gives you their name and maybe shows you a picture so you’re prepared

✵ he’s another neutral one, not avoidant or actively seeking his ex out

✵ the inevitable run-in is meant to just be a hello in passing; you guys were either on your way out or heading to talk to someone else

✵ but he puts an arm around your waist/shoulders/hips and introduces you with a polite smile

✵ he’s not really interested in talking with them in the first place

✵ if they’re petty, he’s another one to cut them off mid-sentence and call them out for what they said, whisking you away immediately. he might not leave the function completely, but if y’all don’t, he will be glaring them down the rest of the night

✵ if they’re kind, he’ll indulge them of a few minutes, especially if you’re enjoying yourself, but he will make absolutely sure to divert your attention elsewhere before you can get any embarrassing stories out of his ex

✵ if you ask him why, he flashes you a side-eye and reminds you who his hyungs are

✵ “i love you, and i’m glad you were having fun, but i don’t need to be teased more. unless you want me to uncover all your high school stories at your reunion?”

TAGLISTS (send an ask to join!) permanent [open]: @justhere4kpop @tastymintchocolate @soul-jae ateez [open]: @pyeonghongrie-main @/thatonenoona

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only-fools-and-monsters · 5 months

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For the last two days since it's announcement, everyone and their nan has been going on about this godsend of a game and ofc, for good reason. It looks gorgeous but something that I found quite interesting when watching and rewatching the trailer abt 1500 times is regarding the desgn of the hunter themself.

youtube

You don't really a lot of them compared to the bird dog thing they're riding around on but from what you can see, you could probably speculate a couple things about the context of the Wilds.

Compared to previous games, the Hunter takes on a more modern and generally more stylish appearance (kinda like the Pukei MR sets but less bloodborne and more modern streetwear) with a hood over what looks to be a cap (which you could prbly find someone wearing out in the street after a good 10 mins of going out) alongside the style of the slinger. As said many times before by many others, its design is much sleeker compared to the slingers in World, which are so large and noticeable that they even change in design with certain armour sets. Perhaps this game is set so far in the future after the events of World that the Commission improved their tech and modernised.

It sucks bc we're not even getting any answers next summer if Capcom's kind enough to tell us what we wanna know...

This only raises more questions. If this comes after World, are there now developed towns in place of Astera and Seliana that we can use as home bases? How will the multiplayer work? In such a seemingly open space, are they gonna run it like a souls-like with checkpoints to invite friends? Does the slinger have even more functions given the improvements in design? Is there gonna be completely new tech that we'll be able to use on the field in place of a handler (bc according to lore she actually mattered) and researchers etc? Automated data collection??? Are we giving the hunter a phone??? Is cat slavery still a thing????

I know I'm pulling shit from out my ass but if I manage to be completely incorrect with every single one of these claims when the game comes out in 2025, I will bury myself Gaisma-girlfailure style and never come out...

#monster hunter wilds #monster hunter #mhwilds #im foaming at the mouth #i need this game IMMEDIATELY #monhun #mhworld #2025 is too far ffs

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marcusrobertobaq · 8 months

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I swear...

Deviancy ain't necessarily caused exclusively by emotional shock automatically. An android can be traumatized but still be inside the cage, do nothing about it. But there's something that makes me a bit annoyed is how the overall perception mfs got is deviancy = emotions (in the "emotions are caused by deviancy" sense).

Actually it's the opposite. The android start feeling too much and listening to these feelings (setting as relevant when ain't supposed to, noticing it exists) and depending on the situation they go against orders they shouldn't be able to (given by handler and/or the default system) cuz of these feelings. Cuz, man, if you're starting to notice these things with frequency and doubt everything means the software is already a mess enough for you to break stuff, but an android that doesn't act upon this instability won't be deviating from anything. U can't physically move a mountain with the power of your mind.

Usually androids get too overwhelmed with the situation and it just...happens. Ain't exactly irrational cuz they make a choice of acting, but it's "irrational" cuz they let these feelings and doubts (own moral objections) be more important than 'em default program, 'em work, 'em original instructions for whatever reason. And it's even worse when we got the emotional shock factor. Usually ends in revenge, but believe me: it's a choice. Deviancy is a "choice". Instability? Unfortunately not. It will happen cuz that's the android's design. They ain't programmed with instability, but the way they're built make it easy to happen. Idk how they managed to discover this event (and how critical functions just stop working as intended) but i'm sure they didn't find a way to fix.

What do u mean, Marcus? Let me make a summary:

Shaolin? He chose killing Ortiz cuz he had ENOUGH and he FELT GOOD killing the guy. The Traci? She chose defending herself against that dude even if she didn't mean to kill him. Daniel? He chose killing John and taking Emma hostage. Rupert? He chose running away after he saw what happened with the other android. Kara? She chose going against Todd's orders. Ralph? He chose running away after being tortured.

All of 'em listened to 'em feelings and went against established orders and priorities without evasion method. If they didn't do anything, they wouldn't have deviated cuz they still doing what they're supposed to do. And remember: the less autonomy the android has, easier is to deviate.

Now u get why i don't get around with 2018/2019 stuff.

#dbh #detroit become human #just my fucking confessions #feel free to contradict me

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cloudycodes · 1 year

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my first introduction to APIs

currently in tutorial hell so i’m trying to brainstorm projects i can build with javascript that i can actually utilize. hobbies? reading novels, studying korean, valorant, watching kdramas/anime. i chose my korean study journey because everything else … i’m good for now

i have a thing where i really like to read lyrics to korean songs that hold a lot of meaning so i want something to do with lyrics and translations.

my friend told me to start looking into APIs and see if there’s anything useful for me there, so i am now here reading about APIs because i totally skipped over the lesson to read about them why lie.

APIs. application programming interfaces.

these are constructs in programming languages that can extend the functionality of a browser and server

what exactly do APIs do?

document manipulation - think of the DOM API and how it helps us with dynamically adding styles and changing our page

fetch data from servers - think of the smaller sections of your page that are continuously updating, like a stock listing or a list of trending news

drawing and manipulating graphics - think canvas where you’re given options to create shapes and add filters

multimedia controls - subtitles and captions, audio distortion, or camera video adjustments

device location - using GPS to find the your position to maybe create a list of trends near you and relevant content

client-side storage - allows data storage on the client side, like auto saves or offline mode

how do APIs work?

APIs are based on objects. your code interacts with APIs using one or more javascript objects, which are the containers for the data that the API uses.

they have pretty recognizable entry points - think for the DOM API, the features are usually associated with the document object.

to change state, you would use event handlers. most APIs contain at least a few events.

—

i just bookmarked an article on how to use API with javascript so i’ll read that and probably post something about it another day

—

thank you mdn webdocs

#code #codeblr #programming #webdev #coding #javascript #cloudylogs code

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artichokefunction · 9 months

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you are in a nice suit, you are dressed up all smart and proper and normal, your hair has been styled in a way that you are not allowed to mess with, and you are uncomfortable. you are wearing a less functional and less eye catching mask to match your less functional and less eye catching gear. you are limited to a single handgun, tucked away to be discreet and hard to access, and you won't even be able to print new bullets for it without getting these layers off first. this sucks.

these contact lenses feel weird. you're not allowed to pick at your face, you're not allowed to fidget 'too much'. your task is to look normal, and not make a scene. you don't even have to do the hard part, answering questions, that's what the handler's doing. your hear the person she's talking to ask him [so, how long have you and your... partner been together?] and you go back to not listening, and scanning the crowd for potential hostiles. there are none. this venue is very safe, physically. you have to be normal and presentable and not weird and not scary. you adjust your pose to look slightly more human. you keep your breathing even. you don't avoid eye contact but you don't look at anyone for too long either. you think you're pulling this off. probably. you focus on where your gun is stowed, in your calf, nestled between the synthetic and organic muscles. wait- no you don't. you're thinking about normal and non threatening things. totally. nothing to see here. the weapons scanner triggered on you on your way in but they let you in anyway, they were 'informed' of your 'special circumstances', which is already too much intel for them to have on you, as far as you're concerned.

a waiter comes around with a tray of drinks in delicate little glasses. the handler is offered one, and they take one for you as well. they hand it to you, and linger on you for a second. ah, yeah. you move your mask the minimum amount necessary to sip whatever this drink is. it tastes like alcohol, gross, but your systems don't clock any actual poison. you raise the glass in a gesture you hope looks friendly, and the handler nods slightly, and turns back to the people she was talking to. his dress swishes around her legs as she does, the soft loops of red and purple and pink twisting into each other delicately. this whole event is so weird and delicate and pretty. you feel so dangerous and strange, shadowing your friend, avoiding prolonged eye contact. you adjust your grip on this glass to be less likely to shatter it and to make sure the skin looks normal. god, if someone looks too hard at you, it's over. you fiddle with the skin of your hand again, trying to make it look like it sits on top of muscle instead of metal. you feel like it looks slightly worse now. fuck. the handler moves back to address you again, whoever they were talking to has finally left. [we were very lucky to be invited here, the networking opportunities are bountiful.] their tone is weird as hell because their primary objective is to spill nothing, to not give away any valuable information. neither of you know how much data is being collected and from where. you have a nonzero amount of data storage and processing tech in your brain and chest which is why you need to be careful of how loudly you think about certain topics. this is so weird. this all sucks.

the handler is moving towards a table with a bunch of fragile little pastries on it and an atypical heat source underneath. it's a machine. you can't tell what it does and you don't want to risk it. you take their elbow, trying your fucking hardest to be gentle and normal, and direct them to a different table of powdery little sweets with no detectable unknowns hidden underneath. she takes some for himself and offers one to you, and you decline it. you really want to avoid having that powder texture on your hands right now. you put down the fragile little glass, and you wonder if it's bad etiquette, somehow, to not leave it on a coaster or something. you can't see where other people put their glasses when they're done. maybe they're just collected up and swept out of sight. there's someone new talking to the handler now, and they're dressed in silver and white to match the walls and the tablecloths and the long tall curtains. that's something they would do if this was their venue. they're moving with a calm confidence that supports that idea. and they're smiling in a way that might be fake? that might be what faces normally look like. that might be what their face normally looks like. you're no better at reading what a face means now then when you were a kid. that's what the handler is good at, the talking and the parties and all. you can't read her face either but that's pretty normal for an interaction like this. they're talking about, like, a trade or a sale? some sort of business endeavour. that's also pretty normal. the person in silver drifts over to the table with the pastries and the unknown device, says something about how delicious these are and offers one to the handler. technically that's normal too. you stay close to them.

[We understand that you are one of the best engineers in the world when it comes to designing for modern security concerns, and we are interested in facilitating your technological developments with our resources.]

[thank you, but I am content with my current resources, and am not looking to expand or share. my designs are all proprietary, i'm sure you understand.]

[Mmm, I do understand. And I trust that you understand that by refusing this partnership, you are turning down an opportunity to be on the cutting edge when it comes to understanding what might be used against you, what exactly you need to be secure *against*.]

and they say more but you don't really listen because they've reached behind them to pick up a device from the table that looked a bit like something to pick up food but you can see now is connected to a cable that goes down through the table. and you don't like that. you step in front of the handler just in case and yYYYYYYYYYYYYYyou are on the floor. you are injured. you are injured everywhere maybe? that doesn't make sense. your face is slick with something. it might be one of those drinks. but no, it's under your mask and it tastes like metal. so it's blood from your nose. one of your eyes is non functional. you can't tell which. that's a shame, if the attack affected either the organic or the synthetic eye but not both that would be valuable intel to learn about the nature of the attack. the attack was bad, you think. you can't really move. you feel like a plastic bag full of jello. no, pudding. in a burnt plastic bag. with holes melted into it. theyre still talking, over your head. it sounds, uhh, dramatic. like from a show. where the good guy stands up to the bad guy and something something. it's been a while since you felt this bad. you don't want to focus on that. you try to listen to what they're saying above you. above? it doesn't feel like 'up' but you're pretty sure the sound is coming from 'not the floor'. it's never a good sign when your sense of direction gets busted. urgh.

[-incorrect yet again. it isn't a tool and it isn't for sale, it's a *person* and it's my *friend*. and-]

you lose a chunk of time, you think, because next the floor is gone and that was your only tethering point and you feel like your spinning wildly and exploding or collapsing or something and in place of the floor there are hands. lots of them? more then just one pair. that's weird. but people are nice sometimes, maybe. so you've been told. you really hope you're not getting blood on any of those nice formal outfits. that would be bad. you notice the handler, talking like she knows what he's doing, like he knows how to fix this, and around the same time you notice a low anxious grating noise being made in the back of your throat. you try to remember what was installed there and you fail. you try to stop making that noise and you fail less. and now she's saying something else and addressing it directly to you and you try very hard to pay attention and you're on a floor again. no wait. a table. the repairs table in the truck. and the handler is moving at impossible speeds between all the little cables connected to your various silicon maintenance panels and the control pc. or wait. maybe they're moving normally and you're just processing things abysmally slow. hm. this seems like a disaster scenario to be honest. but there's music playing. it's from the drums and synths album that you like. it's good to count. and the more you count it the less too-fast it feels. your heart rate starts to even out. and the handler laughs from over by the computer. they say something as they turn you over to access another panel but you don't catch it. but that feels more okay now. no danger. you're still in the van, just lying on your face instead of your back now. and the handler is still here and the music you like is still playing. and you feel safe.

#[fiction]#[category: the agent & the handler]#body horror #?#injury tw #im pretty bad at writing dialog. ignore that

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