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peyocchi · 4 years

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Tips/Advice for University (or any!) Students !!

So, as I have mentioned before, I recently graduated from university and looking back at the time I had throughout, I thought about a lot of different things I wish I had known earlier or had done differently. So! As to not waste it away, I thought it would be helpful to share them for those who are currently in university/college or future students!

Beginning your first semester:

♡ People have told me to apply to around 10 schools to be safe, but in reality, we all know some schools require application fees and it can get costly and nobody got money for that. SO, I recommend only around 4-6 depending on your budget at the time.

♡ When writing your application essay, make sure you specifically follow their guidelines for what to write! If they do not have an outline, some good points to mention are your goals and aspirations for why you want an education, what you plan to do with it in the future, any previous volunteer experience you’ve done, academic awards in high school, etc. are all great content to add!

♡ When accepted, DO NOT be afraid to start off as undecided if you don’t know what you want to study yet! I felt pressure to choose a major right off the bat and ended up changing my major 3 times.

♡ I recommend getting your general education courses out of the way your first 2 or so years in uni/college because generally the friends that last are the ones that will be in your major courses since you’ll be seeing them in your other major classes as well. It makes sense to get your GE classes out of the way so that the rest of your time, you only need to enjoy the classes you are interested in and can make friends with people you know you will see often throughout the week and the next few semesters.

♡ Take time to explore the area with close friends or family so that you know generally where everything is! (The market, the mall, hospital, etc. if you’re new to the area!) Also, check in with your school to see if they offer free bus rides or other transportation if you are lacking a car!

During school:

♡ If you had staggering social anxiety or general shyness like I did, you do NOT have to force yourself to interact with people. A lot of people around me tried to tell me that once I put myself out there I would feel better and it actually made me retreat more into my shell and made me feel awful for not being able to do it when they made it sound so easy. You are free to do it when YOU’RE ready!

♡ What I have found is that socializing becomes a lot more fun when you find yourself looking forward to it. It seems like common sense, but we have this unsaid pressure in society to be outgoing and “happy go lucky” with everyone. But this is just unrealistic. Take things at your own pace, it’s okay if you feel more comfortable eating lunch alone to relax!

♡ Buy some cute stationery that will motivate you to be organized and be on top of your tasks. Every year, I buy a big planner that has a month page and a week page so I can map out big events throughout the month and write in daily small things under each day. I also double use my planner as a diary so I’ll tape memorabilia or write short entries about my day so everything is in one place! No need to switch out multiple notebooks. Add cute stickers or color in it as well, if you wish!

♡ School supplies do NOT need to be expensive to be cute or useful. I get most of my stuff online where they have cheap deals for huge packs of things.

♡ Amazon is a HUGE help because if you are a student, you automatically get Amazon Prime! Take advantage of it, plus other student deals you can find online!!

♡ If you think you’re up for a little socializing, join a club. It’s one of the fastest ways to make friends since you’re all interested in at least one common thing. Dorming on campus is also a fast way to make friends if you can handle sharing personal space with others. Staying on campus for longer hours allows you to socialize more compared to driving right back home after class.

Studying:

♡ HUGE POINTER: My professors always swore by the fact that they think studying in groups is the only way to study but for me, I found that to be the opposite. I had way better grades studying alone than I did in a group because I was too distracted by others to focus on the actual content. So experiment with your own study methods! Whether it be in a group, alone, 1 on 1, with music or without, whatever works!!

♡ Do NOT cram the night before for an exam, quiz, midterm, final, whatever. This is not high school and I can guarantee you it usually does not work. However, if you’re like me and cannot remember things for longer than a few days, start skimming through your notes 2 weeks before the exam and then the actual week of, start studying the content in blocks. The day right before the exam is when you can review it altogether.

♡ Depending on your professor, you might also want to pay attention to the captions under images in your textbook. I have had teachers who asked questions about captions under graphs and didn’t know how to answer (embarassing).

♡ Unless you know you’ll read it again even after the class is over, NEVER buy the textbook. It’s way too pricey so I never even bought a cheap used copy, I always rented e-books or paperbacks on Amazon. That way, after the semester is over, you just give it back and you don’t need to worry about selling it or anything.

♡ MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR PROFESSORS. Later on, whether you choose to pursue graduate school or a job, their recommendation letters about you will surely come in handy. And not just for that, but they can be great mentors to you about the field you’re studying, or just life in general. I’ve met professors that have given me so much wisdom and still keep in touch with them after I graduated! (Also, it’s really awkward asking them for recommendation letters last minute when they don’t even know you.)

♡ This is sort of a part two: if you get close with your professors and excel in their classes, you can also ask to be their teacher’s assistant, class grader, lab assistant, etc. for extra side money or an on-campus job. Extra cash never hurt and you don’t even need to commute!

♡ Scheduling: Know when your brain needs a rest. When scheduling your courses for the semester, do not sign up for 8AM classes if you know you’re not going to get up on time. For me personally, I knew I would want the evenings off to myself to work or spend time with friends/family, so I scheduled all my classes for the morning so my latest class ended at 1PM. Understand how your body would handle school the best!

♡ While you’re at it, I would plan out your whole 4 year plan from the beginning (unless you’re undecided, then just plan out your first 2 years until you decide) so you can plan for any unforeseen changes or possible accidents in the future.

♡ If you fail a class or receive a bad grade, it is NOT the end of the world! What matters is that you tried your best and at the end of the day, your letter grade is not equal to your self worth. It is okay to retake a class if you felt it was too difficult the first time. You’ll have more experience for the second time around!

♡ If you experience any kind of mental illness and are struggling, please don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, and look into possible therapy services your school provides! The one in my university was free for students and no payment was required.

♡ To maximize your academic success, let your counselor know of any illnesses you are struggling through so they can help you get set up for any classroom accommodations you may need. (I asked to always sit in the back of the class because my social anxiety was really bad at the time and couldn’t handle sitting in the front or even the middle.)

♡ Make good use of the library! There are actually so many interesting books pertaining to most or any of your academic disciplines, and it will definitely come in handy when writing your essays/papers!

Writing essays:

♡ Alright, this is one that I have purposely made a section for because I LOATHE writing essays, they are the bane of my existence.

♡ I usually start by just picking a topic. If the topic is already picked for you, take a sheet of paper and make a general outline. It usually consists of:

- Introduction: A brief summary of the issue or topic you’re addressing, why it’s important to address it and a general overview of what you’ll be discussing in detail.

- Your argument or point of the paper: Include what past research or other people have said about it before and why you agree or disagree. Why do you agree/disagree?

- Point 1

- Point 2

- Point 3

- Include a popular opposing argument to your stand and explain why it is a reasonable point but you still think it is wrong/Or include an interesting related real life case to your topic

- How this argument furthers your side of the debate and what people who support this argument should do in the future about it/Or why it is important to know about the topic you’re presenting

- Conclusion

This is honestly all I can think of for tonight as I write this, but if you guys want to ask me about anything else I can answer or I think of anything else, I’ll edit and add to this post! I hope it’s somewhat useful for you guys! Good luck!

#university #college #studying #student #advice #tips #help #guide #please send any suggestions in my ask box!!

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lokilickedme · 4 years

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True Story Time

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I gave Ronald Reagan the finger in front of 228 people?

In 1984 when I was in 10th grade, Reagan sent a team of “Presidential Aides” around to the schools in my state on the premise of observing small-town procedure and getting a feel for how the southern educational system was working out. It wasn’t. I had just moved from a suburban junior high of 8000 kids in a big city to a country school with 212 students total. Kindergarten through 12th grade all in one building. We had 11 classrooms, 9 teachers, and no funding. We ate lunch outside and the bus driver doubled as the History teacher (and sometimes Science and Math...occasionally Home Ec). The English teacher was the janitor. There was no PE teacher, we just went outside and ran around the block (sometimes we came back, sometimes we didn’t) and in the hot months the Shop teacher brought his tools and took the doors off the building in lieu of air conditioning. We went through five Principals in a two-year span of time and male students regularly just didn’t show up for two weeks during each semester because it was time to harvest something. Female students regularly quit showing up halfway into 11th grade because they either got married or were too pregnant to fit into the desks anymore. We were pretty much the school system that time forgot in a town that was more of a punchline than an actual place.

And here Ronald Reagan was, sending his representatives into our midst to “see how we’re doing”.

We weren’t doing so hot. But if there’s one thing people in small country towns have going for them, it’s a fierce and intense pride in their own self sufficiency, and nobody - nobody - was happy about that rich bastard sticking his nose in our business. And I, being from somewhere else and knowing what a real actual honest to god school system should be like, was pretty disgusted that this place couldn’t even get enough money to fix the roof that the last tornado had nearly taken off. Odds were good the building was going to fall in on us before I could graduate.

So during lunch on the day of The Event I sneaked back into the school while everyone was outside eating. The teachers were conferring with the Principal about the Big Presidential Visitation, and while they argued about which students they should hurriedly send home before the Very Important People got there, I ran through the school and wrote in 3 foot letters on every chalkboard in every classroom:

WE DON’T WANT THE PRESIDENT’S AIDS

I thought it was pretty clever, given Reagan’s shameful handling of the ongoing AIDS crisis. Also I was a kid and it was the era when “you’ve got AIDS!!” was a commonly flung insult among idiot teenagers. And the Reagan Administration’s other policies certainly hadn’t “trickled down” to our little town or school system, so twisting his disgusting neglect of one group while putting on a show of caring about another into a slyly juvenile joke seemed appropriate. He was sending a highly publicized suited battallion into our economically/socially/progressively depressed town to “check on our progress” without any intention of doing anything about whatever report they might bring back. We were a diversionary tactic to make him look good and it was obvious...well, it was obvious to me anyway. I felt like it was a slap in the face since our area of the country had been pretty much completely left out and forgotten. The children were the future, right? Unfortunately the grownups in power didn’t seem to care much about that when there wasn’t a lot of money to be made or fame to be raked from it. So we didn’t want them coming in with their clipboards and asking us questions and mucking up our day of state-sanctioned goofing around just to fuck off back to Washington and forget about us. We had meth to be made during science class, we didn’t have time for this.

So the big black car arrived while everyone was filing back into the building and the President’s Aides entered the school just as the Principal was noticing the written vandalism in the science lab. I saw him come running out and he spotted me at the other end of the single long hallway. He knew it was me - he’d had trouble with me before, but that’s a story for another day - and as he was raising his hand to point at me with that STOP RIGHT THERE look on his face that school principals are known for, an outburst started in the math room.

It was followed by random outbursts from other classrooms as they filled with returning students. And since the teachers were always a good five to ten minutes late to every class after lunch because there were cigs to be smoked and why the hell not, the chalkboard diatribes were still intact as the President’s representatives entered the rooms.

I didn’t even bother denying anything. I had chalk handprints on my jeans.

It was a glorious day.

None of the students understood the double meaning of my graffiti, they just assumed I was making a crude joke about the President having AIDS because hurr durr, funny AIDS joke. The English teacher chastised me for incorrectly spelling “Aides” (she obviously didn’t get it either). The art teacher gave me an A for originality and artistic style (she wasn’t from there). I was told that at least two of the five Aides laughed. The Principal, who wasn’t from there either, shot me a sternly halfhearted threatening look the next morning but never issued any consequences. He was outta there two weeks later anyway, replaced by yet another in a long line of people from somewhere else who thought they could turn our school around.

I forgot to mention that a camera crew arrived with the Aides and videotaped the whole thing. I don’t know if any clips ever aired anywhere, or if it ended up in someone’s report, or if it was just taped over later and forgotten. Maybe it was stored in Reagan’s Presidential Library. I’d like to think it was shown to him at some point, though. And if he did see it, I sure as hell hope he got my finely crafted middle finger embedded in six chalked words on eleven blackboards in a tiny ramshackle school in a town he likely had no clue ever existed.

Or maybe he just didn’t get it, and assumed it was just another AIDS joke.

#true stories from a small town #Reagan era bullshittery #look I had to do something to keep from losing my mind in that tiny town #there sure as hell wasn't anything else to do

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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nobody knows where we might end up, chapter fifteen (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr: plastiquetiaras) | word count: 4476

AN: Thank you so, so much for all the continued sweet response to this fic. It makes me so, so happy and makes me wish I could write it forever. Writ is a great beta <3

(then)

It’s around seven p.m., so Vanessa has approximately four hours before her brain shuts down for the night, and she can probably finish at least a little bit more of her pathology paper, and study for the midterm for the same class, and practice for the anatomy bellringer next week, before-

“Another email! This one about orientation week. Can you believe that med school’s going to have an o-week, too? As if we didn’t already do that in undergrad, right?”

Ugh.

Vanessa’s happy for Brooke, she truly is. There’s no one who deserves success the way that she does.

But if Vanessa has to hear another damn detail about the upcoming year, she’s going to lose it.

Vanessa still has to study. She’s taking a couple of courses right now during the summer semester before her fourth year along with volunteering, balancing those with more time in the lab so that her name will be featured on her supervisor’s paper once it gets published. Her summer is packed because she’s still trying, damn it, she has to go through the application process for med school all over again once the fall gets here and she has to be better, more experienced, more worthy.

Unlike the last application cycle, where she didn’t get in anywhere. Didn’t even get off any waitlists.

So, here Vanessa is. Working herself to the bone because she has to. One would think that three and a half years of pushing herself would make it easier to do with time, but she’s still had it. She wants to just camp out and watch some movies for a night without thinking about all the shit that she needs to get done.

It’s what’s made seeing Brooke, blissfully happy and free of responsibilities, so difficult to watch the last two months.

Brooke gets to enjoy a relaxing summer because she’s going to start the MD program at U of T come September, and so she gets a clean slate. She doesn’t need to do anything to prepare, because she’s already in. No need to get any extra courses done, no more volunteering if she doesn’t want to. No finishing her fourth year of undergrad. Not when she gets to enter med school after completing her junior year.

Vanessa doesn’t want to see it as unfair, but it kind of is. Just a little bit. Especially when Brooke gets to sit on the couch and cuddle with the cats while Vanessa’s at the kitchen table and reviewing from her textbook. Or when Brooke gets to come back late from nights out with Detox and Alaska because she doesn’t need to study or work hard until September, so of course she can go out and have fun. Because who cares that Vanessa has to get up early the next morning for class, when Brooke stumbles into bed so late? Why should it even matter?

Okay, so maybe Vanessa’s a little pissed. Sure, the anger and unfairness of it all is a bit misplaced, but she’s allowed to have her feelings, dang it.

Brooke’s switched to raving about the neuroanatomy course that the U of T med school students get to take (in first year, can you believe it, they go so in depth!’), and Vanessa really just doesn’t fucking care. She’s tired, real tired, and she can’t find the words to finish this analysis paragraph in her paper because Brooke is still going on about how great her program is going to be.

“Can you just. Shut up for a bit? Five minutes. That’s all I fucking need. Five minutes.” It comes out snappier than Vanessa intends but she doesn’t even care, because if she doesn’t make good progress on this paper tonight she’s going to run out of time to finish it, along with the rest of the things that she needs to get done before the deadlines hit her square in the face.

“Sorry. Geez.” Brooke’s voice is a huff but Vanessa can still hear the hurt in it, she always does. Can always tell. It makes Vanessa want to roll her eyes because even if she does feel a little bad for snapping it’s not fair, having to listen to everything.

“While I want my schedule was as empty as yours, I need to get this shit done tonight ‘cause I won’t have time tomorrow. Wish I had time to talk all about how great the program is going to be for you like we usually do every fucking night, but I can’t. Not tonight.” Not any night, but this is the first time Vanessa’s actually said something. Maybe not the smartest thing to do, but she’s fucking tired of it.

“Fine. I’ll go check my email somewhere else.” Brooke’s already rolling off of the couch, Henry in her arms and of course she’s making Vanessa feel like the bad guy right now.

Vanessa rubs at her temples, the glare of her computer screen a harsh glow that only makes her headache that much worse. “I get you wanna spend time together and shit before you get busy in September, which is real nice, but some of us have actual work to do.” Vanessa wishes she could have Brooke’s free time, she really does. But she can’t always get what she wants, now can she?

“I’m-” Brooke lets out a frustrated sigh as she stands in the doorway of their room. “I feel like I can’t even be happy or excited around you anymore for anything, like I’m already trying to keep from talking about it too much but sometimes I just want to share things, you know?”

“Great. Love it for you, I really do. Supporting you all the way.” So Vanessa sounds a bit dry while she says it. She doesn’t care. “You’ll have a great time.”

“Thanks for the sincerity.” Brooke crosses her arms and it only makes Vanessa want to roll her eyes more.

“It’s just a bit hard to be happy for you when I’m still stuck in undergrad, still working my ass off right now, unlike you.” Vanessa snaps because she’s had it, she really has, she doesn’t care. “Go celebrate with Becky or Tiffany or whomever fucking else got into med school with you. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to listen to you talk while you braid each others’ hair and plan where you’ll sit in class together.”

Vanessa sees the hurt flash in Brooke’s eyes before she slams the front door, leaving to go who knows where, but who cares? Especially when Vanessa’s damn paper isn’t writing itself the way that it should. She has too much to do to even give a shit anymore.

Vanessa can’t sleep, because all she can think about is the fact that she has to be up in five hours to be at the hospital for volunteering, and she still needs to study more before her pathology midterm, which she’ll have to fit in at lunch time, and god, she wishes she could shut her brain off sometimes.

The door opens and closes quietly and Vanessa feels trepidation roll over her. Brooke’s back. Not that she cares.

Not really.

They’ll be fine. She just needs sleep and a bit of rest and she can listen to Brooke’s excited rambling about med school. It’s fine.

Except no matter how much she tries to convince herself, Vanessa’s still kind of annoyed by it.

Brooke climbs in beside her and turns over, facing the opposite wall. Their bed’s not even that big, just a double, but it feels like there’s an ocean between them, one too big to cross because the waters that they’d have to swim through would drown them in the waves first.

Vanessa’s glad for it, really. She doesn’t want to talk things out right now. Or cuddle. Not in this state.

She just needs some fucking sleep.

Of course Brooke manages to doze off first, her breaths evening out and becoming deeper and deeper while Vanessa has to listen. Seems like being rested and having free time is also useful for falling asleep quickly, too.

Lucky.

Vanessa will just have to drink an extra coffee or two tomorrow morning if she wants to get through the day.

(now)

“Nothing at all?”

“Nothing in his past medical history. No coronary artery disease, no hypertension, no type two diabetes, nothing! All that this guy’s file said is that he was allergic to cats. That’s it!” Vanessa nearly knocks her glass of wine over in her enthusiasm.

Brooke’s eyes are wide as she listens to Vanessa’s recap. “And then?”

“Needed a quadruple bypass. His arteries were more blocked than the 401 during rush hour.”

Brooke lets out a whistle. “How did all of that build up without being noticed?”

“I have no sweet clue.” Vanessa nearly dances in her seat, recalling the way her and her team had nearly lost their shit in the operating room upon seeing the guy’s arteries. “But it was wild. Like, he was a marathon runner and shit. Lord knows how he didn’t straight collapse while tap tapping those feet on the pavement.”

“Wow.” Brooke takes a bite of her pasta, wiggling her fork around after. “So he just had all of that the whole time?”

“Yeah! Do y’know how long it took us to clean those arteries? Forever! Though those grafts were a damn work of art.” Vanessa thinks back to the neatness of that surgery, and has to resist giving herself a pat on the back. It had been an extraordinarily good job, even for her.

Brooke snorts. “You’re the only person who would ever describe arterial grafts as a work of art.”

“Hey, it’s fun. ” Vanessa pouts, and if the soft look that Brooke is giving her makes her heart feel a certain type of way, she’s not going to think about it.

“It’s cute.” Brooke’s look at her as she smiles is unwavering, and it nearly makes Vanessa want to blush, hide her face.

No ones looked at her like that since, well-

Brooke herself.

“You’re cute.” The words slip out before Vanessa has a chance to stop them, and she doesn’t even care because then Brooke’s the one flushing, and proving Vanessa’s words completely correct.

“It is nice, though. Being able to talk about this shit with someone else who gets it.” Vanessa’s missed this. She doesn’t want to admit it, but being able to talk to Brooke, to talk about the things that she’s seen that excite her, feels so right. Like home.

Brooke still shows enthusiasm for everything she’s saying despite not being in cardiology, just like she used to when they were younger. Her cheek rests on her hand as she listens in the same way too, and for a second they could almost be back in that apartment so many years ago.

“Yeah. It is.” Brooke murmurs, before her eyes take on a mischievous sparkle that Vanessa knows is solely reserved for teasing her. “Wanna hear about this gross brain abscess I got to remove yester-”

“Nasty. We’re eating dinner, no talk of brain abscesses while we eat-”

“It was almost rotting away-”

“I will call the police-”

Brooke’s peal of laughter cuts off her protest, and Vanessa can’t help but giggle along with her.

Being able to lapse back into conversation like this, the way they used to be able to talk for hours and hours feels surreal. Like it shouldn’t be allowed, like they’re breaking some sort of law of the universe by being able to get along, actually enjoy each other’s company once more.

But then again, the past couple weeks have put them through the wringer. At least, on Vanessa’s side.

And by the dark circles underneath Brooke’s eyes (the ones that are slowly, slowly beginning to fade), she doesn’t seem to be far off, either.

Maybe they deserve this. Not being caught in the winds of a storm, for once, but instead getting to float in calmer waters. Ones that will let them tread and stay afloat and actually catch their breaths, not drowning in unspoken words and feelings.

They finish their shared dessert too soon, and Vanessa can’t resist reaching a finger out to swipe at the chocolate at the corner of Brooke’s mouth from the lava cake. She can’t help but notice the way Brooke’s eyes darken when she licks her finger, either.

Vanessa doesn’t know why she grabs Brooke’s hand as they leave the restaurant. Maybe it’s force of habit from way back when, maybe it’s the way Brooke’s like a magnet, making Vanessa want to just get closer and closer and never let go.

But Brooke squeezes her hand back, tugs her along to the car, and the slight thread of worry, of being rejected that had been running through her heart begins to vanish.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Vanessa whispers it to Brooke, standing on her tippy toes as they wait at a crosswalk.

“What?” Brooke tilts her head in curiosity, reluctantly pulling her gaze away as they begin to cross.

“I’m still kinda hungry.” Vanessa’s sentence is punctuated by a growl of her stomach, and she gives Brooke a sheepish grin when her eyebrows raise in surprise.

“How do you eat so much yet remain only a hundred pounds max, soaking wet?”

“Hey.” Vanessa shoves Brooke’s side, huffing when it makes Brooke crack up. “I am tall . And intimidating.”

“Intimidating? I can see that. Tall? Nope.”

Vanessa pouts. “I’m still growing. I gotta eat.”

“What are you, a teenage boy?” Vanessa’s about to protest, talk about how she’s finally going to have her growth spurt, damn it, when Brooke points to a sign across the street reading Lino’s Pizza.

“Open 24 hours, apparently. Want some?”

“Damn. The waterfront is pretty at night.” Vanessa looks across the water, then up at the stars that are shining through despite the glow of the city. The hood of Brooke’s car is a perfect vantage point for watching the soft waves of the lake, the gentle breeze making Vanessa button up her jacket to the very top.

Brooke reaches in between them, grabbing another slice of the pizza they’ve bought, and Vanessa can’t resist doing the same. They’ve already demolished half of it, and while the cardiac surgeon part of Vanessa’s brain is tutting at her about the way it’ll clog up her arteries, the rest of her can’t seem to care.

“I used to come here when I was stressed as an intern and resident, after shifts. Got away from the hospitals to just sit in quiet and watch the water.” Brooke’s voice is soft, and Vanessa catches the slight look over towards her. “Kind of helped to calm my brain down, y’know?”

“I feel that.” Vanessa can almost picture a twenty something Brooke, still in her scrubs and counting her breaths with the way the water brushed up against the rocks on the shoreline. “You still come here from time to time, huh?”

“Yeah.” Brooke nods, eyes scanning the horizon. “Still helps, here and there.”

“Real nice of you to bring me here.” Vanessa looks up at Brooke, still in her fancy dress and jacket draped over her shoulders, almost comically contrasting from the slice of pizza in her hand.

Brooke’s cheeks turn slightly pink. “Can’t think of any place better to devour some pizza like this.”

Vanessa’s brain is still stuck on a younger Brooke - not as young as when they were in undergrad, but a fresher doctor, a less experienced one. “What was it like?”

Brooke’s brow furrows. “What was what like?”

“Internship. Residency. All of that.” Despite the fact that they haven’t been in each other’s lives for years and years, it still feels strange to think that there’s so much of Brooke that Vanessa doesn’t know. So many of her memories, her experiences.

So much that she wants to know.

“Well, I did them both right here. In the city.” Brooke points behind them, back towards the amalgamation of hospitals that take up an entire block in the downtown core. “It was like most internships and residencies - incredibly traumatic.”

Vanessa lets out a snort. If that didn’t sum up the complete truth of the early years of being a doctor.

“A lot of sleepless nights, doubting myself. All of that. But made it through. How was yours?” Brooke asks the last bit with her eyes pulling back to look out towards the water.

“LA was-” Vanessa pauses on her words, remembering the fact that her and Brooke haven’t actually talked about it.

Vanessa moving away, across the continent. Leaving Brooke behind.

But do they really need to talk about it now?

Vanessa doesn’t want to, not really.

So, she’s not going to. She’s gonna keep it light, because they don’t need to go anywhere near that topic. “The LA hospitals I did it at were chill. ‘Cept for the resident that supervised me as an intern. She was like a damn military sergeant. Kept us all in a line and everything.”

Brooke looks back towards her at that, curiosity covering the trepidation that had been previously written on her face. “Like, a literal line?”

“A literal line, we followed her like ducklings!” Vanessa thinks back to being an intern in scrubs that were too big for her, ones that she had to roll up at the cuffs so that she wouldn’t trip in them. When the hospital felt vast and endless, not quite her domain just yet.

“Though we got to do a lot of cardiac shit. I got to stay on that unit more than others, I liked that.”

“How’d you manage that?”

Vanessa grins. “Needled the attending surgeon until he was so annoyed by my unending questions that he had to take me on to get me to stop. Annoyance is a great strategy.”

Even Brooke can’t resist a grin back at Vanessa’s statement. “Why can I picture that so clearly?”

Vanessa flips her hair over her shoulder. “Because I go after what I want, that’s why.”

“You sure got it.” Brooke’s smile is still on her face, but the mirth doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Back when they were in university, Vanessa used to be able to tell exactly what Brooke was thinking. What the little changes in her face meant, what exactly she was holding back from saying. She used to be so proud of it back then, knowing her girlfriend so well. Now, though, Vanessa feels like she’s behind a glass wall, like she’s going to have to work hard all over again to break through it and tune into Brooke the way she should be.

“Mostly. Mostly got it. The job part, sure.” Vanessa closes the pizza box that they’ve polished off between the two of them, leans back against the windshield of Brooke’s car.

“Yeah. We got the jobs.” Brooke’s voice is soft. They’ve both reached what undergrad them had been striving for, trying to work so hard towards. They’re at the top of their games in their respective fields, having both gotten what they had wanted.

But they both had to leave things behind in the process to get there. Sacrifices left at the altar of their hopes and dreams and aspirations. Sacrifices such as each other.

Brooke lifts up the empty pizza box, sliding herself off of the hood of the car before holding a hand out for Vanessa. She grabs it and yelps when Brooke pulls her off of the car right after, landing on her feet with an oof.

Vanessa holds back a yawn, the long day catching up with her; and of course Brooke notices. “C’mon. Let me take you home. You’re dead on your feet.”

“M’not tired.” Vanessa’s not. She’s having fun with Brooke for the first time in so long and she doesn’t want it to end, because then what if they won’t have any time like this ever again?

“Yeah, you are. It’s like, almost 1 a.m.” Brooke checks her watch. Vanessa’s about to put up a half hearted protest to Brooke’s words before she continues. “We can do this again, you know.”

Vanessa perks up. “Yeah?”

The smile is reaching Brooke’s eyes now, making them sparkle and it’s a sight that Vanessa’s missed, one that she never wants to let go of ever again. “If you want to.”

“I want to.” The words come out more forceful than Vanessa intends them to, but it’s true, she wants this. Wants more. More time with Brooke, more time outside of consultation meetings and seeing each other in the hallways and sex in offices. She wants to know Brooke again, make her laugh more until she gets those cute little crinkles by her eyes when she giggles.

“Good. Me too.” Brooke reaches her hand out, linking their pinkies together and if Vanessa didn’t know any better, the smile on Brooke’s face right now would look almost shy. Flushed. As if they’re two teenagers with their first crushes all over again. As if they don’t have volumes and volumes of baggage and history that are already propping them up.

Vanessa can’t help herself from casting glances over at Brooke as she drives, watching the way she’s blinking away sleep as her hand grips the steering wheel. Her mind is made up when Brooke pulls up to her apartment building. “You’re dead on your feet now too, B. It’s nearly two.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll head home now, don’t worry.” Brooke yawns, rolling out her neck as she shifts her car into ‘park’.

“In this state? We work in five hours, you can’t drive like this.” Vanessa’s not going to let Brooke back on the road when she’s practically snoozing already. Especially not on the ever so busy downtown Toronto streets, where it would probably take her another twenty minutes or more to get home, anyway.

“I’ve been called in to the hospital for emergencies at three in the morning before. And so have you, I bet. I’ll be fine.” Vanessa would believe Brooke right now, she would, if she didn’t remember the way she’s driven in for those kinds of late night calls herself, nearly falling asleep at the wheel.

“Still. Don’t want my ass to get sued if you crashed your fancy Lexus into a pole or something while driving home and they blamed it on me. You’re sleeping here.”

Brooke raises an eyebrow at her, but doesn’t argue. A win.

It’s certainly not how Vanessa’s imagined bringing a girl home, much less Brooke. Though pulling out some spare pyjamas, a baggy shirt and shorts because she knows that Brooke is much taller than her gives Vanessa a strange sense of déjà vu, as if the action is the most familiar thing to her in the world. As if Brooke sleeps over at her place all the time, as if her bed has actually held Brooke rather than just the thoughts of her that invade Vanessa’s mind when she’s had too much to drink or feels too lonely.

“Take my bed. Imma camp out on the couch.” Vanessa’s brain is too tired to think about the ramifications of them sharing a bed, of what it could mean. A topic saved for a later time, when she really wants to delve deep and put herself through it.

“I’m not gonna take your bed away from you, especially because we work so soon. Go sleep. I’ll take the couch.” Of course tonight happens to be the night that Brooke feels like arguing with her over a damn bed.

“Just take the bed-”

Brooke wiggles her car keys, the jingle interrupting Vanessa. “I’m taking the couch or I’m driving right now.”

“So pushy. Fine.” Vanessa mumbles the words because she’s tired and doesn’t care that much, really, when it’s so late. If Brooke wants the couch that bad, she can take it.

Sleep doesn’t come to Vanessa as fast as she wants it to, though, once she’s washed her face and changed into her pyjamas and climbed into bed. Not when Brooke’s on the other side of Vanessa’s bedroom door, camped out on her couch under her spare blanket and in her pyjamas, as if this is perfectly normal for the two of them to do. As if Vanessa isn’t about to lose her mind thinking about it.

Vanessa turns over to lie on her side for what feels like the millionth time that night, no position seemingly comfy enough to let her brain drift off and rest as the numbers on her clock creep closer and closer to the morning.

She’s still awake when she hears the soft pad of footsteps outside her room, and her door creaking open tentatively, letting the tiniest crack of light in and casting shadows along the walls. There’s no way Vanessa can sleep now, not even when the light dims as the door closes once more because Brooke is right there, standing by her door. Vanessa can feel it, even if she’s turned away and facing the wall and her eyes are squeezed shut tight because she’s still pretending to be sleeping.

Vanessa can feel her heart pound as Brooke shifts her weight as she stands, making the floor squeak underneath her feet. She seems to be debating what to do and Vanessa just wants to tell her to hurry up already, to put her out of her misery. But then Brooke seems to make a decision as takes a step closer and she’s climbing in, pulling the covers over herself too and she’s in Vanessa’s bed and right beside her and how can Vanessa still pretend to be asleep now?

Brooke tentatively reaches out and all pretenses are gone because Vanessa snuggles closer, burying herself against her. The feeling nearly bowls her over, as if she isn’t already lying down in bed because being in Brooke’s arms like this is something that she hasn’t felt in years. The way Vanessa’s heart twists when Brooke lets out a soft little sigh and kisses her head makes her realize that she’s missed being like this more than anything in the world. Missed feeling like she’s complete, all protected and safe and as if the problems that could trouble her suddenly don’t matter anymore. Not when she has Brooke with her like this, limbs tangled and all warm and holding onto her tight and it’s okay, really, because Brooke’s holding her the same way too. As if she doesn’t want to lose her, to let her go. To break the delicate spell between them.

The soft pictures of her dreams come to her quick after that, as her breaths even out and begin to sync with Brooke’s, because everything is okay when they’re like this. Vanessa is convinced of that fact.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #hospital au #nobody knows where we might end up #holtzmanns

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antistudyblr · 5 years

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Hi! I know this differs from person to person, but how many credit hours do you recommend completing per semester?

Hi anon! You basically answered your own question there; the number of credit hours really depends on the person and on a school’s specific requirements. But there are a few things I take into account while planning my semesterly schedule that I think can be helpful.***

In general, make sure you know the number of credits you should average a semester in order to graduate on time.

Figure this out by subtracting any AP/IB/dual enrollment or transfer credit from the total number of credit hours needed to graduate. Then divide by the total number of semesters you’re planning on being in school. (For most rising freshman, this is 8.)

This will give you a sort of floor that you need to meet each semester. This will probably be higher than the number of credit hours needed to be a full-time student but double-check with your school’s advising or registrar’s office.

Start easy. Yeah, your school might have a cap of 18 or 19 credits (equalling out to five or six classes), but college is a HUGE adjustment. I took 4 classes each semester (ranging from 14 to 16 credits) in my first four semesters. This was hugely helpful in adjusting to college academics. This doesn’t work for every person or every major, but if you can give yourself a relatively light freshman fall, I highly recommend you do.

Give yourself some wiggle room. You might need to drop a class. It sucks but sometimes you just don’t mesh with your professor, you have to take on extra hours at work, or you realize this isn’t the subject for you. Giving yourself a little wiggle room ensures that you can drop a class that might hurt your GPA without losing your status as a full-time student.

If you have other commitments, you might have to take fewer credits. I worked 15 hours/week this past year and was heavily involved in a time-intensive campus organization. This cut into the time I otherwise could have spent studying and taking extra classes, so I dropped from 18 credits to 14 in the fall semester. That’s fine! You’re still just as dedicated a student as that kid who’s taking 6 classes; you just need to balance academics with everything else on your plate.

The type of class/number of classes you’re taking might mean more than number of credits. Taking more credits normally means you’re taking more classes but that’s not always the case. For example,16 credits/semester can be 4 seminars or a seminar and 4 lectures. I usually think in number of classes as opposed to total credit hours because I find it less stressful to take fewer (typically higher-credit) classes, especially once finals season hits. That’s not the case for everyone and it’s something you have to evaluate for yourself. (Additionally, taking only writing-intensive courses or only lab courses can make for a different kind of stress so that’s also something to take into account.)

Credit hours are just suggestions/estimates. They’re meant to be estimations of time spent both in and out of class but there might be a 3 credit lecture course that requires a lot more of your time than your 4 credit Spanish class for a number of reasons: you’re not confident in the material, your professor assigns a ton reading or homework problems regularly, there are regular quizzes and tests you have to study for, you need more time to get through your reading and so on. Remember the add-drop period is your friend and balance your schedule to something manageable.

Hopefully you found this somewhat helpful and please let me know if you have any other questions (on this or any other subject)

***Different colleges and universities in the US calculate credit hours differently. The definition I’m using is from New York State, where each point of academic credit requires “a minimum of three hours work each week in a 14-week semester, typically divided into one hour of classroom instruction (with an hour of classroom instruction defined as at least 50 minutes) and two hours of independent work (which may include readings, problem sets, papers, individual or group projects, and so forth).” In normal speak, this means a twice-weekly gym class is 1 credit, a twice-weekly lecture is 3 points, a once-weekly 2-hour seminar or a lecture with a recitation section is 4 points)

#isabel says things #isabel gives advice #college life #college advice #class schedule #studyblr #college studyblr #college tips #credit hours #long post #scheduling #ask answered #anonymous

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cancerbiophd · 5 years

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FAQ regarding undergrad research

I thought I’d put this together because I remember when I was an undergrad looking for research opportunities I literally had no idea what to do or expect! So I hope this will help :)

Disclaimer: Some of these answers may only apply to undergraduate research opportunities in the life sciences in US universities that conduct research.

How can I find a list of potential principal investigators (PIs)?

You can search the department or research facility’s website for a list of research topics and PIs. Oftentimes there will be a description of the research and/or PI, or even a link to their own lab webpage.

Do the PIs have to be professors I’ve had classes with before?

Nope! There are lots of PIs who don’t teach undergraduate courses, but they still have their own labs. Unless specifically stated by the PI, being a student in one of their courses is not an automatic requirement.

How do I get started contacting them?

Send an email. I have a template you can use here. If you don’t hear back within a week, feel free to send a follow-up email (by forwarding your original email so the info is still there). PIs are busy people, so it might take them a while!

What year in college can I start looking for research opportunities?

As early as freshman year. Honestly, coming in with lab experience is not important for undergrad researchers; labs would rather have someone that can stick around for a long time. Training a freshman vs training a senior sometimes takes the same time (as lab techniques can be highly specialized that most college lab courses don’t cover), but a freshman is going to generate more data than a senior. In fact, many labs won’t take seniors for that reason, so start early!

But I’m a senior! What do I do?

Never fear, continue to contact labs! I would recommend focusing on PIs who know you and your work ethic (so a professor whose class you took and did well in), as they’re more likely to make an exception. I didn’t start looking for undergrad research until my senior year too, but a professor I took many classes with and did great in knew me well enough to let me join the lab, even though it was literally for just 1 semester. So it’s not impossible!

What factors into a PI accepting/not accepting an undergraduate researcher?

A lot: funding, space, # of projects, availability of mentors, to name a few. Therefore, if a PI can not accept you this semester, don’t feel too down! There are many factors that come into play, and so much is out of your control.

I got an interview with a potential PI! Any tips on what to expect/how to prepare?

Congrats! Check out this post for helpful pointers!

I got the position!! Any tips on how to make the most out of my undergrad research experience?

Double congrats! And sure thing: Check out this post.

Can I get paid or earn course credit for my time in the lab?

Sure! It depends on the PI, but some PIs may pay undergrads over the summer, or hire them as part-time techs. There are also undergrad fellowships/scholarships that can apply to lab research, as well as work study opportunities. You can also earn course credit for your time (just check with your advisor). Usually it’s 2 hours per credit, up to 3 or 4 credits per semester. These are things you can discuss with your PI during your interview.

How many hours/week am I expected to be in lab?

As many as you can give. Ideally, a continuous chunk of time is more useful; you’ll get more done by being in the lab for 2 hours straight than 30 min here and 30 min there. I personally like undergrads to be here at least 2 hours at a time for a minimum of 4 hours/week. If you want your own project, aim for 10 hours/week. But of course this is all dependent on your lab, the type of research you’re doing, and your own schedule.

Will I be given an independent project right off the bat?

You will most likely be taken under the wing of someone in the lab (like a grad student, lab tech, postdoc, even another undergrad) to first help with their project and to learn research techniques. So don’t worry, you’ll be guided every step of the way! A lab will never just “throw you to the wolves” as that’s not beneficial for anyone. Then after you have a good amount of training under your belt, you and your mentor will see what kinds of independent projects you can take on (and many factors go into that, including how many hours/week you can be in the lab, etc).

What do I do if after a few weeks, I decide I really don’t want to work in a particular lab anymore?

Please don’t hurt yourself by staying in a situation you don’t feel comfortable in (either mentally, emotionally, or physically). Meet with the PI privately and explain that you don’t feel like the lab is a good fit for you, and you would like to leave (maybe give a week’s notice so you can wrap some stuff up). You won’t hurt any feelings or burn any bridges if the exit is done politely. You have every right to do what’s best for you!

Will I have opportunities to be an author on a paper or give poster presentations at meetings?

Absolutely. It depends on your lab and project, but undergrads definitely have opportunities to be listed as a contributing author if their work is in the paper, and there are lots of poster sessions for students (your university may host a few themselves!). Chat with your mentor about these opportunities if this is something you’re interested in.

How much research experience (including undergrad research) do employers/internships/graduate schools look for in a competitive candidate?

At least 1 year.

Are undergraduate research opportunities only limited to my university?

Nope! You can find opportunities (both paid and volunteer) at other research institutions in your area. Some may be specialized programs for undergrads that involve a competitive application process (and perhaps a great stipend too!)

I still have some questions regarding undergrad research. Is it ok if I contact you?

Absolutely!!! My inbox and private messaging are always open!

#sciblr #biology #lab advice #college advice #studyblr

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faces-in-unexpected-places · 5 years

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Life Upd8: Moved, Grad School, New Job, Bye-Bye LDR, Do You Have the Time?, Very Happy

Hello!!!!!!!

I’ve MOVED!

So... I moved a few states over, from Ohio to Virginia! Crazy! I am finally mostly unpacked. I start my masters program in forensic science in basically 10 days! It’s been so great, I love the new city. I’m on an urban campus now, instead of a suburban one, which is a cool change! Oh, also, did I mention that

I’m not longer in a long distance relationship!

Abbey and I are now...

MEDIUM DISTANCE.

Lmao, basically, I am about an hour drive away from her, now, which is a wonderful step up from the 7-8 hours away that we were before. We’ve already seen each other a few different times since I moved in on Aug 1st. And I’m going to see her again tomorrow! So excited!

And for those who are wondering, because, in my experience, there are always a few...

Yes, part of my decision to move was based in being closer to my girlfriend (we’ve been together for over 3 years). But my decision to move was also based in a school and city that seemed like a good change of pace and fit for me and my future. It was also based in a great looking program for a discipline of applied biology that has a projected job growth rate of 17% (which is about double the average). And I would get to work in a lab, doing what I already know that I love, but with less ambiguity about where I will find a job, and with the knowledge that I am helping people with my work!

Essentially, I am very happy with my decision. I know that for some reason, there is stigma on LDRs and moving to be together because maybe it’s “a mistake” (but there are just as many stigmas on LDRs for NOT moving to be together because then you’re never in a “real relationship” so basically you never really win, haha). Point is, I am very happy and excited with how things played out, and I don’t think that there is anything wrong with choosing to move and begin a life path that will allow you to be with your partner, as long as you want what comes with the rest of the life path, too. Like, don’t ONLY move for your partner, and not like anything else about your life. But don't be afraid to make choices because you want to be with the person you want to be with! If your choices are well-rounded, then you should absolutely consider the person you love. After all, they love you too!

ANYWAY.

My place is mostly unpacked and looks SO CUTE. Much better than my last apartment, which was, and I say this in the kindest way possible, kind of a dump, haha. No offences, I mean, I got what I paid for. And lemme tell you, that rent was CHEAP. But I definitely appreciate the upgrade in my new place, AND with my new roommate. She is very quiet, seems cool, and HAS A CAT. That is a very important detail. I am hellbent on making this animal love me.

Oh, also, I got a job!!!

Yesterday. Literally.

I spent MONTHS trying to get a job, and nothing came of it. I even flew to Va, short notice, so I could interview for a job that the forensic faculty nudged me towards. And I got an email saying I didn't get the job within a few days. DAYS, YOU GUYS. It did NOT take them that long to decide they didn't want me, lemme tell ya, haha. And that was a bit rough. But I kept at it and, as of yesterday/kind-of-today...

I’m a teacher!

Sort of.

I am a laboratory teaching assistant (TA) who basically teaches a 1 credit class for the biology department. So, I study forensics, but in my job, I get to stay in touch with my roots in biology. So I’ll basically be teaching freshmen non-biology majors about biology. It’s like that class that you need to take for a science credit so you can graduate lmao. But either way, I am really excited about it! I just got my schedule today! I teach two classes back-to-back every Thursday.

The city has been so much fun. I’ve barely scratched the surface of all the things to do here. There’s all kinds of amazing stand-alone shops, lots of museums, and a sharp-looking campus. I’m already excited for all of the potential date ideas with Abbey. Which, oh yeah, by the way, we can actually experience AUTUMN together! With our school schedules in our LDR, we were never been able to visit during the semesters. But now, since we can see each other almost every week, we can spend Fall together! Celebrate Halloween! CARVE PUMPKINS, MAKE THANKSGIVING DIN-DIN, HAVE PICNICS, HAVE PHYSICAL HUMAN CONTACT ON A REGULAR BASIS, AHHHHH.

Basically... my life has shifted DRAMATICALLY. the only things that are the same in my life right now are some of my furniture/possessions and my car. New house, new roommate, new school, new city, new job, big change to my relationship, it’s just all so nuts. But it is a really good change.

ONE DOWN SIDE to all of this is that with me being so busy for the foreseeable future... I probably won't get to work on Do You Have the Time? for quite some time. Of course I will always try! But grad school AND a new job will probably make it pretty difficult. But I won’t forget about it! I never have, and I never will. This story will be completed. It is one of my most important personal/solo goals, currently. I have always wanted to make some kind of awesome multi-media work of art from start to finish, and this will be it. I may do another one after, haha. But this is my first, and I’ve put too much thought and time and DRAWING into it to not complete it. But, like it always has been during my previous semesters, it may be put on hold for a bit.

It really is too bad, in a way, haha. I feel like I was PRODUCTIVE this summer with it. This summer was difficult in some ways because I was worried about having no job, and paying for all this shit, and not having any guidance. Honestly, there were parts of this summer that weren’t so pretty, and difficult for me. But I did my best to cope with it by playing video games (for the first time in probably 7 years!) and by writing! I have to say, looking at my episode list on my blog, I am proud with how far I’ve come with this story! With the giant gaps between episodes 1-4, I wasn’t always sure I’d follow through with it, and actually finish it, or even write a GOOD story. But I think I can. I think I can finish it, and it might take a while or editing and everything, but I think I can make it GREAT, too. It’s a wonderful feeling to watch something you’ve had in your head for years actually start to come to life and take shape. I want to chase that feeling!

Anyway!

Long-story-short, I’ve gone through a LOT of huge changes and have been very busy. Probably will continue to be busy (if I haven't responded to messages I’m sorry! This is why, heh), but you know, life is life. I’ll get into a groove of things. Maybe I’ll have more time for certain things, maybe I’ll have to wait! But that’s how things are right now. And I can’t wait to see what happens next.

I hope that everyone has been doing well, too. Or at least taking care of yourselves. Times can be hard enough these days. Taking care of yourselves can at least make things feel a little more okay. We all deserve that much. Thanks for reading my crazy-long life update, heh.

I love you all of you guys.

Remember... if I can manage to pull this off, then you can do anything.

Love Like Rockets,

Isaac <3

#long post #isaac speaks!#update #life update #angels and airwaves

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purpleninjanerd · 6 years

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Wow, has this week been crazy; I have three whole days to recap!

February 7, 2018 // 23/100 days of productivity

Today was pretty basic, but I didn’t get a lot of sleep so I messed up a bit :( like I got several obvious questions wrong on a chemistry quiz. At least chemistry is one of my easiest subjects. I did meet a girl in class who teaches ballet and jazz; she was pretty cool. I have found that sometimes humans can be really interesting to talk to, if I ever give them the time of day. I should get to know my own species at some point; that might be good for me. But are they my own species? Am I human, or am I an emotionless Vulcan? Will I ever know? Well, can’t hurt to learn about human beings either way, right :3?

February 8, 2018 // 24/100 days of productivity

There’s a silver lining to every day, right? At least, that’s what I learned today.

A funny thing happened before lab: I was studying outside the classroom when a guy with a suit, fedora, and suitcase walked up. I didn’t think anything of his demeanor at first because lots of people dress a bit vintage-y, I mean, I do, at least. But then the dude literally asked, “Pardon me, but you wouldn’t happen to have the time? My watch is a bit slow.” Pardon me?? And then he pulls out a freaking pocket watch to wind it! I could barely respond, like wow, this guy’s oldies game is strong. I gave him the time, he thanked me, and left. I never saw him before, so I don’t think I’ll see him again, but I tip my hat to you, random old-fashioned dude.

My physics lab was grueling. Oh man, I hope I didn’t seem crabby to my lab partner; poor thing, she had to deal with me for four agonizing hours. I definitely felt crabby.

After lab, however, my day, er, night, got a bit brighter. I attended the semi-annual women in STEM lecture at school; the speaker was a particle physicist, and she was super cool. The other girl STEM majors and I then got to have dinner with her at the home of one of our professors, who is an amazing cook, by the way. I learned so much about opportunities for girls in STEM fields, from conferences to REUs. So in the end, today was pretty good.

February 9, 2018 // 25/100 days of productivity

Oh boy, sometimes that silver lining is kinda hard to find.

Over this past week, I don’t think I’ve been getting enough sleep, because I’ve been getting more exhausted with each passing day. It’s not because I don’t eat enough, in fact I probably stress-eat too much, but I digress =_=. I drank two coffees in one day (the first coffee of the semester was yesterday). Sigh...I feel terrible. My dad asked me to book a flight home, and I put if off for a day, and the flight prices doubled. I made my dad pay double for my flight home. I feel like crud. Today has just been pretty rough. When I think about how much sleep I lost this week, and my early day tomorrow, and the paper I have to write and the three exams I have to study for this weekend...I’m scared that I won’t be able to do it all.

#studyblr #days of productivity #anxiety

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ilyseok · 7 years

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The Assistant

Fandom: GOT7 Pairings: Choi Youngjae x Reader Genres: Fluff, college AU Rating: PG Words: 3.3k

Summary: Are you going to the cute TA’s office hours because you’re failing zoology, or are you failing zoology because you’re too distracted from going to see the cute TA?

AO3 Link

A/N: Happy birthday, sunshine <3 I loved writing this - the iguana that my college kept in our department makes an appearance in the fic. As does the professor Y/N hates so much... lol I had a lot of fun reliving old college memories after this. This is my submission for CYJ fic fest 2017 :) Enjoy!

Photo cr. bona5010 - Please do not take without credit.

"All available graduate assistants: please report to the second floor immediately."

The intercom dinged as the department chair hung up the phone, ending his announcement. You turned to your friend, Sooyoung, with a smirk and quirked an eyebrow.

"Chubbs escaped again, eh?" she said. You folded over in laughter as seven different research and teaching assistants bolted out of their offices and laboratories, each one quickly making their way to the stairwell at the end of the hallway.

"I thought the zoology club was going to build a bigger cage for him," you said. "One with a working lock."

You fought the urge to sneak upstairs to watch the drama unfold as Chubbs the Iguana had escaped from his cage for the fourth time this week.

"You going to watch?" Sooyoung asked, knowing how much you loved to observe the chaos among the department staff as the nineteen-pound lizard marched through the hallway like he owned the place, new students ducking out of his way while the juniors and seniors watched intently.

"No, I've got to go to the third floor," you sulked.

"Office hours? Again?" she said.

You nodded and pointed your feet in the opposite direction to head toward the stairs. "I'll see you after theatre lecture, Sooyoung," you said as you walked away. Sooyoung nodded and waved, then turned around to take the opposite stairwell to spectate the show on the second floor.

The third floor of Spellman Hall is perhaps the most relaxing place to be, for a life science building. Some of the laboratory doors were open, and you could hear music resonating through the empty halls. You could distinguish the reggae above the rest as it echoed from the lab belonging to Dr. Jacques. You walked quickly, wanting to get away from any reminders of your nightmare of a professor.

At the opposite end of the hallway, you navigated around several twists and turns to make your way to the graduate assistant offices, and then stopped in front of the door labeled "Choi Youngjae."

"Y/N, are you sure you're going to your TA's office hours because you're failing zoology, or are you failing zoology because you keep going to your cute TA's office hours? Which is it? The chicken or the egg?" You remember Sooyoung badgering you one afternoon before class, to which you promptly replied with "the egg" because if there's one thing you've learned in that godforsaken zoology course, it's that the egg came before the chicken.

Softly, you rapped on the door underneath his nameplate.

"Come in!" he said. Without even seeing his face first, you knew he had that big ol' grin plastered on his face by the tone of his voice.

You pushed open the door and poked your head through. "Hey, it's me. Got a minute?" you asked, breathless from the mere sound his voice and his smile.

"Y/N! My favorite student," he laughed. "What's up?"

"I have some questions about our last exam," you said sheepishly. "I don't understand what I've done wrong."

You pulled out your exam - marked with a big fat "F" - and laid it on his desk to examine. He pushed his thick-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose and read for several minutes, flipping through the pages and making notes on some sticky notes. Your eyes scanned the wooden bookshelf behind him as you anxiously waited, making a note of the many pictures of a small, white Maltese dog and the stacks of textbooks he'd collected over his years as both an undergraduate and graduate student.

When he finished, he rolled his office chair to the other side of the desk, next to you with his left arm touching yours. "This problem right here - this is where you went wrong," he said. "This is a nine-part question, so you need to have the first answer correct to figure out the rest." His breath smelled like freshly baked sugar cookies - intoxicatingly sweet and tempting to just lean over and-

Your fantasies were dreadfully interrupted when a picture of Dr. Jacques' face flashed through your mind, with his green and yellow John Deer hat and the permanent scowl embedded in his features. You could even hear his gruff voice as you distinctly remembered his words from the first day of class. "It's 'Jakes,' not 'Zhock,' if you'll kindly learn to pronounce my name right. I'm not a famous French explorer."

Youngjae peered closely into your petrified face and waved a hand in front of your eyes. "Y/N? Hello?"

"Right! Yes. Sorry," you said and perked up in your seat, relieved the war flashbacks had ended but also embarrassed that you likely appeared to be completely uninterested in his explanations.

He frowned and pushed his glasses back up again, then took a red pen to your exam. "It'll be easier for you to take the next exam if you can keep the order of your classification hierarchies straight."

"Yes, I've been having a lot of trouble remembering how that goes," you admitted.

He was silent as he wrote the letters K, P, C, O, F, G, and S in a straight, vertical line on the side of the page. You watched him curiously out of the corner of your eyes as you took a sip out of the bottle of cola from your backpack as he filled in words next to each letter:

"King Phillip Cries Out For Great Sex"

The carbonation of the soft drink burned the back of your nasal passage as you choked and nearly sprayed soda through your nose. With great restraint, you were able to manage your coughing and took a few more sips to clear your throat. Thankfully, Youngjae was too busy writing the real meanings next to each word off to the side to notice.

"It's easier to remember the order when you use a mnemonic," he said, then finally looked up at you to make sure you understood. A smile instantly spread across his features, and he doubled over, clutching his stomach in a fit of laughter.

"Your face," he breathed between giggles, "it's so red."

You cursed your luck and desperately wished you wore an oversized sweatshirt to the office that day, to bury your nose into the soft fabric - anything to get the attention away from your face. "It's not my fault you give your students perverted mnemonics," you murmured.

He chuckled. "That is the one I use because most people seem to remember it the easiest," he said and leaned back in his chair. "Hey, at least there's no way you can forget that now, is there?"

A fair point.

"Yeah, thanks," you said with your chin tucked down and pulled your exam back from him. He rolled back to the other side of the desk as you shoved the packet of papers back in your bag and hauled the heavy pack over your shoulders. For a minute he clicked through the screen of his MacBook Pro, so you said your goodbyes and set out to get lunch before your last class, but by the time you rounded the corner, Youngjae called after you.

"Y/N!" He hurried out of his small office to catch up with you, a yellow flyer in hand.

“Yes?”

“The zoology club is planning a trip to the zoo for an end-of-the-semester celebration. We’re trying to get the university to pay for it as a school-funded activity, but we need at least one more person to justify asking for the reimbursement,” he said, holding out the flyer to you. “Would you like to go?”

Without skipping a beat or even a second thought, you enthusiastically nodded and took the sheet of paper from him. “Yes!”

He exhaled as if he’d been holding his breath, then rested his palms on his knees. “Thank goodness. They’ll be so happy to go,” he said. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“No, thank you,” you said. You checked your watch and panicked as you realized you were almost late for your next class. “Bye, Youngjae!” you scurried away, faintly waving to him.

He stared blankly at you as you ran away and managed to raise a hand to wave back weakly. “Bye!”

Lions, tigers, and bears - oh my.

The two youngest members of the zoology club led the group as you walked the length of the park as a group, occasionally stopping to take pictures of every exhibit and to upload videos of cute baby animals to Instagram. Yugyeom dragged Bambam by the wrist, then suddenly stopped when he noticed the giant vivarium in the center of the park. He pointed toward the lit sign that read “Monkey House,” and suddenly exclaimed, “We have to go!”

Poor Bambam had no warning before his friend broke into a run with his hand still tightly gripping his wrist, dragging him along for a brisk jog up the steep hill leading to the vivarium. Meanwhile, Jaebum, Mark, Jackson, and Jinyoung strolled along casually behind them. You laughed at the energetic kid and his enthusiasm, wishing that you could borrow some of that energy for yourself.

The hot sun bore down on you, making you regret your choice in long-sleeved shirts as you roasted like a chicken in the oven on Christmas day. Youngjae walked on beside you without saying much, but he seemed to be completely unaffected by the giant heat lamp in the sky.

This is what happens when the sun is outshined by star brighter than itself.

“Are you okay? You look like you could use a break,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

You didn’t want to complain before, but since he was offering, you admitted to it.

“Actually, I’m feeling kind of sick,” you said, rubbing your forehead. Youngjae pulled you to the side by your upper arm, and you stumbled, feeling an onset of nausea and the world spin around you. He sat you on a nearby bench in the shade and bent down to your eye level.

“Do you need some food? Anything to drink?” he frowned.

“Too warm,” you said, not sure if you were referring to the sun or his hand resting on yours.

“I’ll get you something to drink. Just wait here,” he said, jumping up from the ground and running off to the nearest vending machine. He returned a few moments later a can of lemonade and cracked it open.

“I’ve heard this brand was pretty good, so I thought you might like it,” he said, holding the can out to you. You welcomed the sour aftertaste of the drink and puckered your lips after the first sip.

He sat next to you on the bench and hunched over, folding his hands in his lap. "We can sit here as long as you like. Don't worry about the others - they can handle themselves."

You tipped your head back to chug more of the sweet drink, muttering a small "mhm" with a mouthful before you swallowed. "Is there anything you want to see today? You've been following around the other members until now."

He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. "Actually, I've always wanted to visit the aquarium, but I've never had the chance," he said.

"Well, why don't we visit it today? I don't mind walking around a building with air conditioning," you said after finishing your drink and tossing the can in the recycling bin next to you. You stood and stretched your arms and legs. "Thanks for that, by the way."

A grin spread across his face, clearly excited to visit the aquarium. "No problem."

The cold rush of air at the entrance of the aquarium building was a welcome reprieve from the humidity of the late spring day. Aside from the white and gray paint on the walls, the entire building glowed with a faint blue tint from the light emanating from the tanks.

Youngjae wandered through the maze of hallways and dead ends with his hand on the small of your back, watching the moving marine life with fascination and wonder. His favorite displays were the brilliantly colored saltwater tanks with their colorful foliage and bright, exotic fish. Your personal favorite was the manatee tunnel. Aquamarine hues of light surrounded you as you walked through the tunnel surrounded by glass and water on all sides, and you watched intently, straining your neck to follow the movement of the majestic sea cows. A small calf swam up to the tunnel window, nudging the glass. You could faintly hear a squeak from the other side of the glass display.

You tapped Youngjae's shoulder and pointed to the calf. "Look, Youngjae!"

"Aww, hey little guy! Where's your mother?" he spoke sweetly to the marine mammal. Just then a larger cow swam up to the window and cried out to the baby. "Ah, there she is."

The tunnel ran the length of the entire south wing of the building, so by the time you arrived on the other side, you saw the setting sun through the small windows of the exit doors. "We should go," you said.

"Yeah," he said calmly, looking back at the tunnel and some of the displays you saw earlier. "Thanks for coming."

When you opened the doors again, you were struck by the warm air, making you remember how nice you'd had it inside the aquarium. You scanned the area in front of you from the top of the stairs before you started your descent, hoping to find some of the other members as the park would close soon. Before you knew it, they were calling out to you from afar.

"Y/N!" Yugyeom called out as he sprinted over to you. "We finally found you! Where did Youngjae go?" He rested his palms on his knees, panting when he finally caught up to you.

You hadn't realized he'd slipped away so quickly until Yugyeom pointed it out. You shrugged. "Not sure. He was just here a minute ago."

"Hopefully he comes back soon. JB is getting cranky, and he's still our driver," Bambam said, casually walking up behind the youngest member. "We need to go home."

Attention, Seoul Grand Park Zoo will be closing in 15 minutes. Please note locker rentals and the park gift shops will be closing at this time, a voice announced over the park intercom system.

You whined, disappointed that the shops were closing so soon as you wanted a souvenir for yourself. "That's a shame. I wanted to check out the gift shop," you said with a sigh. "There's always next time, I guess. Let's go find Youngjae."

"I'm right here," a familiar honeyed yet deep voice spoke from behind you. You jumped when a soft object poked and tickled your back, and you looked over your shoulder at Youngjae who held out a small stuffed otter in his outstretched hand.

You couldn't contain the squeal that escaped your lips. "Oh my god - it's so cute!"

"You said otters were your favorite, right?" he said. Your face flushed - you couldn't believe he remembered something so small that you had only off-handedly mentioned once in his office.

You nodded and hesitantly took the plushie from his hands. "Yes, thank you. You didn't have to-"

"I wanted to," he said, flashing the most charming smile your way. The two of you were caught up in your world until Jaebum, who'd snuck up behind the younger members, cleared his throat loudly.

"Let's get this show on the road, kids," he said.

Youngjae looked at you fondly and placed his hand on the middle of your back to usher you forward. "Ready?"

"Mhm."

The members of the zoology club crashed for the majority of the car ride back. Their content, sleeping faces brought warmth to your heart and made you giggle as both Yugyeom and Bambam leaned on each other as they slept, mouths hanging wide open. Yugyeom stirred and wiped a trail of drool from his face before going back to sleep, resting his head against the window this time. You envied them. As tired as you were, there was no way you could sleep when you sat in the back of the university van with your entire right side up against Youngjae’s left. The two of you talked in depth about the biology department, his assistantship, and your upcoming final exam in two weeks’ time.

“Sorry I can’t be of much help. Dr. Jacques won’t even tell me what he’s putting in the final,” he said, the corners of his mouth turning downward. “If it were up to me, I’d give you a good score, but I don’t have a say in the matter. I can only grade your lab reports.”

You groaned. “Thanks for trying anyway.”

He patted your thigh and placed his hand on your knee, making you painfully aware of the warmth of his hand. You wished you could see his face in the darkness.

“Soon it will all be over. I can’t wait, to be honest.”

“You must be pretty happy to get rid of us undergraduates, right?” you laughed nervously and gave him a tender smile.

“No, no, it’s not that,” he waved off. “As much as I am looking forward to my break, I enjoy the time I spend with my students.” The sincerity of his smile pierced your heart like a ray of sunshine peeking through a clearing in the trees on a bright, sunny day. You fought the urge to squeal over the brightness reflected in his smile.

“What is it, then?” you asked.

A small hiccup of surprise escaped your lips, and your heart fluttered when Youngjae leaned in and cupped your ear with his hand, his breath tickling your ear and the back of your neck. His next few words left you speechless but in a good way.

He pulled away and searched your face for a reaction - preferably a positive one, but he supposed no reaction could also be considered a positive response. When he realized your struggle to form a coherent response, he reached into the front pocket of his backpack and pulled out a party-size Snicker’s bar and a sharpie. After writing a quick note, he carefully and subtly tucked it into the palm of your hand.

Your moment was interrupted when the street lights leading up to your driveway blinded you, and Jaebum spoke up from the front of the van.

“Do you want me to drive you to your front door, Y/N?” he said.

“No, you can just drop me off here. You won’t be able to get through the gate without my key card,” you said and gathered up your purse and your souvenir otter from Youngjae. Jaebum pulled up as far as he could and put the car in park to let you out.

“Thanks for the day out,” you said.

Youngjae squeezed your shoulder. “See you in class, Y/N.” He waved, and you ducked your head down once more to wave back before slamming the car door shut. You hesitated for a moment, not wanting to leave the boys because that meant the day was over and you’d be alone again. Your hesitation disappeared when Jaebum finally drove away.

Absent-mindedly fiddling with the wrapper of the candy bar in your hand, you took a shortcut across the lawn and through the garden back to your building. Your stomach growled, and suddenly you were thankful for the candy. It had been several hours since you last ate, after all. Just as you were about to tear into the wrapper, you noticed the note on the underside of the flap and held it close to your face to make out the words in the dark.

Call me after finals week. (XXX)-XXX-XXXX - Youngjae :)

Never have you looked forward to finals week, until now.

Youngjae leaned over to cup your ear, and his warm breath tickled your neck. His lips accidentally brushed your ear, earning another muffled squeak from you, and you sensed the smirk on his face, even in the dark. Your heart raced in your chest as he spoke.

“It’s because I can’t date my students.”

#kpoptrashtag #kreativewritersnet #cyjficfest2017 #noonanet #choi youngjae #cyj fic fest #got7 #got7 fanfic

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thatlittlethingcalledhope · 7 years

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So I’m going to college in Canada in the Fall. I tell most people that it’s for my Master’s in Counseling Psychology, but really I’m going to get my Bachelor’s of Science in either Bio or Forensic Sciences (I got accepted into both programs and am giving myself until the end of next week to decide which one to do). It seems like a silly lie, but it’s easier than answering the “why’s” that everyone would then ask (cuz there is not really a short answer to that). I also don’t really feel like dealing with everyone’s “Oh, well you should at least try to find a job in the psych field first before you decide you don’t like it,” or the “You spent all those years and money on getting that degree, that’s kind of a waste don’t you think?” (which, compared to everyone else, I am really not much in debt, but yeah, it did take time obv.). I mean, they are very legit points when people don’t know the more personal aspects of my life.

When I first started college, I was a Bio and Secondary Ed. major because I wanted to become a high school bio teacher. However, I started to realize how messed up and in desperate need of fixing up our education system is in this country and quickly realized that, while under different circumstances it would be a great job for me, that field would not work out for me. That’s part of the reason why I only stayed at the first university I went to for 1 semester; what’s the point of spending all that money when I no longer knew what I wanted to do with my life? I mean, I liked Bio, but I had no clue what else I could do job wise with that degree (you’d think they’d discuss that sort of thing more in high school or something tbh). The other part was because I had never dealt with all my mental health stuff from high school. I was naive and thought that going away to college would magically fix all that, or at least make it a lot better (obv. I was wrong, although being out of my house did do some good). So I transferred to the community college that was in my town and tried to come up with something to major in.

Now that decision had its good and bad points. I really did enjoy the college and most of the classes and teachers I had were great, I got to work and save up money for a car, discovered the glory of weed (okay that sounds bad, but I probly would’ve been a lot more persistent with trying to kill myself and cutting if I hadn’t started smoking weed when I did), and because my family doesn’t make much at all, financial aid covered most everything (thank god for the pell grant), and I finally came to terms with my sexual orientation. The downside was that I was still living in my toxic home environment (which led to me trying to off myself again, good times), and so I was spending all this time trying to fix myself and then when shit kept going downhill with the parents, fix that, instead of figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I ended up picking psychology because 1. it is an interesting subject 2. my 3 close friends were also going into that field or a closely related field (aka social work) and 3. I think I was still stuck in that whole “I feel obligated to be perfect and fix everything” mindset. Now I don’t entirely regret going into the Psych. field, it is a legit interesting and very useful field, but no one ever told me until later on that you really can’t do all that much that is directly related to that field without your master’s. And I’m that type of person who only wanted to do one specific thing job with Psych., whereas with science, there’s a lot of different things I could do and would want to do.

So after I finished up my 2 year degree (I say finished up because the school had sent me a form to fill out to graduate, but my parents never told me I had gotten mail from the school, so I ended up finding it weeks later and by then the deadline had passed, so I didn’t end up getting my legit 2 year degree for another year) I transferred to a different state university to finish up my Psychology degree. I almost double majored in Environmental Science but between hating that school (which is a whole other rant) and going home every other weekend to work and take care of the shitstorm at home (and to check in on my younger brother because I did feel guilty that he was there having to put up with that shit), I ended up dropping it. Before I knew it I was graduating; the first person in my family to do so. But I wasn’t excited because my father tried to kill himself on the last day of classes before finals. I wasn’t proud because I had lied about my internship for my 400 level Psych. class. I didn’t feel accomplished because I didn’t have any jobs lined up for after I graduated. I didn’t feel smart because it was just a Bachelor’s degree, everyone has one of those now.

So I graduated and was determined to gtfo of the house I lived in. I wanted out of CT, but still somewhere in New England because I do enjoy the weather and the more liberal people here. I applied for jobs and looked at possible apartments near the jobs until mid-September or so, but I had no luck so I started applying to jobs closer to where I was stuck living. I figured I could pay off some of my college debt while gaining some experience in my field before going to get my master’s so that I could become a high school guidance counselor (I always did enjoy trying to plan my life out). However, once again I had no luck, even applying for second part time jobs. Luckily, I had gotten my passport at the end of that summer because I had a bad feeling about the angry cheeto who was still somehow a legit possible candidate for presidency (yes, he’s part of the reason I want to go to college in Canada, but not the whole reason). I listened to friends start to hate their jobs or not be able to find a decent paying job in this field and I realized, I did not want to deal with that shit, I only ever wanted that once specific job in the psych. field. At least with bio I would not mind most of the jobs I would have to end up doing (I always did like the idea of working in a lab or out in the field or preferably a bit of both). I figured, why be miserable in a field that I probably shouldn’t have gone into in the first place, get stuck working a job I don’t enjoy or only tolerate, to pay off college debt and hopefully be able to support myself and eventually go back for my master’s and then hopefully end up liking the guidance counselor job. Why stay at home in an environment that I have known for years to be unhealthy for me to live in? I’ve learned that I deserve better, but that I also have to put some effort into making a change so that I can actually go about living my life the way I want to. I shouldn’t feel obligated to take care of my family, whom can’t even be bothered to at least make some sort of effort to help themselves. I am done putting my life on hold or simply going about my life doing things just because that’s what others tell me I’m supposed to be or should be doing. Do I have to go to Canada to do that, no, but I WANT to. I am not so naive that I think going there will solve all my problems. I’m not that type of person anymore. I do know it’s a risk, but I’m young, now is the time to take a risk. And who knows, maybe it won’t work out, but at least I can say I tried. And I think that as long as I buckle down and put some effort into this, I will end up changing my life for the better.

#personal #excuse me while i rant #trying to figure out my life

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mollyjoycupcake · 6 years

Text

9/3/2018

Things have been quite a ride since I last wrote here.

I did manage to survive the spring semester, if that is what you are wondering. I had to drop calc and physics, and take a medical withdrawal for linear algebra, but I ended up passing intro to engineering, engineering success, computer science, and latin sol immersion. Although I did make it through the semester, I am afraid it was to my detriment. Forcing myself to go through that simply wasn’t worth the sacrifice of my mental health. I’m fairly certain that I walked away with some trauma, both from specific events but also as a general effect of the constant, drawn out stress. I never quite got used to the noise at the apartment (I found out why, which is what I’ll talk about later), and I never quite made any friends, with the exception of Taksha. Although I was somewhat proud to finish my classes, I was much too drained to really appreciate that I had made it. And, of course, any positive emotion I would have felt was taken away by the unexpected news that VR wouldn’t cover rent during the summer (which I wasn’t aware of, nor was prepared for). So, because I couldn’t come up with $1,000 in rent in two weeks, I went back to Santa Fe to stay with Shawn.

Although our relationship had almost completely fallen apart over the spring semester, returning to Santa Fe was an attractive (and probably my only) option at the time. My parents had moved out of their house to a campsite in June, rendering themselves technically homeless. I was at a negative balance both emotionally and financially, so I figured a familiar and low-key place would do me good. To this day, I’m not certain if it was really the best choice, because these past few months have been incredibly difficult. But, I guess it makes no sense to dwell on it. Just need to find a solution and move on.

In June, after we took a trip to Florida and Disney World, I started modeling by being a part of Santa Fe Fashion Week’s runway show. I simply sent the director a DM and he put me in the show. It was a great experience and I learned a lot. After that, in late June through July, I then began working in background for television shows in New Mexico. I was featured background as a “cheerleader” and “high school student” for the new netflix show Chambers, background for Midnight Texas, and background for Messiah. I also had a small acting role in Midnight Texas as a ghost witch. I think I may get IMDB credit for it. In late July/early August I began a 4 week job as a stand in for the main actress in a movie for Netflix called Walk Ride Rodeo. I also appeared in the background in several scenes as a nurse, a patient, and rodeo-goer. The hours were long and hard and I struggled to get through it. It was 5 days a week, for about 14 hours a day. I made decent money, but the exhaustion and the lack of free time made it hard to be worth it. Once that movie was over, I moved on to some more modeling with the RD3 Elite fashion show, and then I attended two casting calls. On one casting call, I was hired on the spot to do photos for the covers of romance novels. I am still waiting to hear back on the other one, so cross your fingers. If I get it, I will be part of a traveling fashion show out of LA (and it’s paid). Although all these experiences would be exciting for anyone, I have a hard time even feeling anything due to my mental state. It’s frustrating because I would like to appreciate it, but I can’t seem to right now.

Aside from those activities, my summer has been relatively uneventful. I have struggled to get through every day. It has been hard to process all the traumas from the spring semester. Things with Shawn have been rocky, which is both a cause and effect of my perpetuated mood issues. I finally decided to seek help during the last week of August, when I couldn’t stop crying all week. I think the long hours on the movie finally broke me down. I decided to go to the ER to be evaluated. They had me stay overnight and I spoke to a few counselors and psychiatrists. We agreed that a likely cause for my symptoms was the Nexplanon implant, so we made a plan to get it removed at the women’s clinic the following week. The doctor also got me in to see a reputable psychiatrist the next week, who formally diagnosed me with PTSD (as opposed to the typical depression/anxiety diagnosis I was given previously). I started two new medications that are supposed to address PTSD specifically, so I am hopeful that it will be effective. I also did get my Nexplanon removed, but because I was so anxious and the implant was very deep, I had to be given Xanax and Oxycodone to get through the procedure. I think seeing that finally seeing that bloody thing in the tweezers in the doctor’s hand was one of the most relieving moments of my life! It is still too soon to tell if the removal of the nexplanon plus the addition of the drugs has helped me very much (its been less than a week), but statistical information has me hopeful.

The biggest thing on my plate right now (aside from healing from PTSD) is now deciding whether or not to return to ASU or become a resident of New Mexico. Both situations have ample pros and cons. At ASU I would be closer to my family, and I would have the climate that I want. I also have a nagging suspicion that if my symptoms get under control, a lot of personal growth could occur there (at least, in the way I want it to). Also, there is something to be said about the youthful and vibrant culture that surrounds Tempe. However, staying in New Mexico could be good as well. There are several schools to choose from that are all reputable and more affordable than ASU. It is also less populated and therefore more peaceful out here. I would also remain close to Shawn, which is good if we decide to remain together. New Mexico also has a lot of modeling and film industry, as well as two national labs, so if I want, I do have a successful double life as a STEM person as well as an entertainment person. Additionally, the medicare in New Mexico has much better coverage and includes dental and vision (which AZ medicare lacks), so if I get medicare here, I can get my broken tooth fixed, which could save me a few thousand dollars. As you can see, both options seem fairly attractive. There are many cons to each option, however. For ASU, they are kind of obvious: if I can’t get my symptoms under control, I will end up overwhelmed just like the spring semester. It is also very busy and chaotic, which may simply may not be the best for me, regardless of mental health. I would also be far away from Shawn, which would really strain the relationship, as well as my emotional state, and could end up forcing us to split. I would also need to know exactly which major to pursue in order to secure VR funding, and there is no guarantee that the funding will be enough to guarantee a comfortable existence, due to the rising costs and the lowering funds available from VR. As far as New Mexico goes, by staying here I would be far away from my family. Although my family does stress me out sometimes, I do like to be close to them so that we can be there for each other (especially now, as things are stressful for all of us). I am also not entirely sure if I like UNM or Albuquerque yet. There is also the fact that if I get residency here (in order to get medicaid and such) I would lose my AZ residency and VR funding, which would make it very difficult to return to ASU if I change my mind. I am not quite sure if I am comfortable with cutting the AZ ties just yet. Another fear I have about staying in NM is, what if Shawn and I end up splitting anyway? It would be extremely difficult to live in the same town if we were no longer together. Just the thought of potentially seeing him with someone else tears me apart.

In general, this is a very huge decision. I would be lying if I said I felt equipped to handle such a major life decision. I have a difficult enough time deciding what drink to order at Starbucks (even though I always get the same thing), so deciding where I want to live and study for the next two years is extremely overwhelming. I am very distressed by it. Part of me just wants to be a kid again so I don’t have to be burdened by all these thoughts. I am far too aware, and worried of, all the implications that come with each possible route. All of this, combined with the fact that I don’t have much money, makes things seem impossible. I can’t even pay rent right now, so how could I possibly decide where to settle in for school? Do I even want to go to school any more? Do I even have a choice? Maybe I should run away and travel the world. But without money? Maybe I should just drop out and work and make lots of money. But how? And with what mental health? I guess the only place I can start is by listing my basic needs, which would need to be fulfilled regardless of location, and then selecting location based on what would be best suited for my needs.

As far as I know my needs include: healthcare coverage, adequate mental health/psychiatric support, friends, access to high calibur dance training, proximity to family, proximity to shawn, access to further STEM exploration and employment, a low stress living environment, quiet home, either living alone or with good roommates, a degree program that is fun and not too stressful, opportunities in modeling and entertainment, a structured schedule that allows for creative expression and self care. I would type more, but my brain fog is starting to set in (along with a headache).

Hopefully I will be able to reach a decision soon. Perhaps I am struggling because I am attempting to intuit a decision instead of making hard, conscious choices for myself. I’ve always preferred going with my gut, because I am terrified of making a conscious decision that ends up going wrong. I would rather blame god than blame myself.

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antistudyblr · 6 years

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anon asked:

hey there! so from "things i learned during my first year of college" that u posted,it said that you took a double major and i wanna know is it difficult to manage time for study? do u have maybe some advice for those who want to take double major? bc im planning to take a double major next year😊

As someone debating a double major in English and Latinx studies (or a major and a minor: we’ll see), I personally haven’t had too much difficulty in managing my time for studying! Generally, life isn’t too different from someone only majoring in one subject. You just have a make a schedule and do your best to follow it.

Of course, the difficulty of making that schedule highly depends on what majors you’re planning on taking. A double major in English and History tends to be easier than a double major in Statistics and Creative Writing, as there’s more overlap between the fields and you’ll be more likely to be able to double-count classes and, as such, take fewer. But people every day make double majors that have nothing to do with each other work!

If you’re planning on pursuing a double major, remember that you have to consider scheduling on two metrics: study time during the semester during your individual classes and making sure you finish all requirements in order to graduate in 8 semesters (or whatever length you plan to be in school).

semesterly (these apply to basically everyone, regardless of number of majors)

Develop good habits: No matter how many majors you have, make sure you develop and maintain good study habits. You may be taking more classes than some others (maybe not, really it depends) so it becomes more important to get sleep, study for tests and write papers ahead of time, and all that.

Know your limits and stick to them: Set your time to study, your time to do extracurriculars, your time to hang out with friends without stressing and so on and do your best to respect them. Stuff happens, but you need to take care of yourself.

Don’t overload on one type of class: In my experience, having 3 or 4 writing-intensive classes or labs or math classes all at once can be incredibly stressful because there’s no way to switch gears. Trying to diversify what you’re taking in a given semester by throwing in one of your mandated history classes in with all the science can do wonders.

Don’t overload, period: Especially if double majoring, you might have a heavy semester or two in there while working to get everything done. But if you’re petitioning the credit limit every semester or constantly stressed and not sleeping (no matter how many majors you’re taking tbh), make sure that what you are doing is working for you mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally. You don’t have to double major to be successful and an extra line on your resume isn’t worth working yourself to burnout.

The add/drop period is your friend: Use this to balance your schedule into something you can manage. Get the syllabi and a feel for a class and professor, and decide if that’s going to be manageable combined with everything else you’re doing. If you do drop a class, go back to your master schedule (discussed below) and adjust accordingly.

macro-scheduling (aka making your 4-year plan)

Know the policies: This is everything from how many credits you need to graduate to how many classes you can take a semester. I would suggest reading the websites for both your departments, as well as the registrar’s office, and maybe the advising office in order to answer these questions (at least)

Can I double major at my university? (If you’re asking, I assume this is a yes, but it’s always a good idea to check) Are there any university-wide rules or limits to double-majoring?

What are the general education requirements that I need to complete aside from my majors?

What is the credit limit/semester? How do I petition to raise the credit limit if I need to? How many credits do I need to graduate?

What are the policies on double-counting classes for the university? For my major departments?

What classes do I need to take to complete these majors? Do I have to take them in a certain sequence? (It’s also a good idea to see if these departments offer minors and what those requirements are, just in case.)

Can I place out of any classes in my major? Gen-eds?

Make a plan and write it down: Jotting down a rough idea of when you plan to take classes is a good idea for anyone going to college but if you’re planning on doing anything like a double major, it’s basically necessary. Lay out your gen eds, your major requirements, classes you want to take for fun and make yourself a schedule that lays out what you should be taking every semester to get out on time. I find using a spreadsheet easiest, because you can easily color-code, calculate how many credits you have toward graduation, and make edits (you will need to make edits). This is mine via Google Sheets:

Be supported by your adviser: You should go in with an understanding of the policies discussed above, because a lot of the time, your adviser won’t be familiar with the specifics. However, they should be willing to help you figure out how to make your schedule work if you’re having trouble or help find answers to remaining questions: giving you people to contact, websites to visit, etc. If they keep trying to talk you out of double majoring or not helping you figure out the best way to go about it, try to switch advisers as soon as possible. You’ll need solid institutional support.

Try to double-count where possible: You don’t want to do more work than necessary. Cut down wherever possible in number of classes you have to take you don’t have to take a summer class or an extra semester.

Be flexible: You might get a great internship or job offer one fall that leaves you unable to take as many classes as you like, or you might have a rough semester that requires you to retake a class. As your schedule changes, you might find it makes more sense to do a major and a minor or take classes over the summer. Be prepared for things to change and take it as it comes.

if you have any further questions, comments, concerns, coup d’etats let me know

#studyblr #college #double major #isabel says things #isabel gives advice #scheduling #class schedule #my adviser literally would try to talk me out of double majoring every time we met #you don't want that #flexibility is key #i was supposed to take 18 credits this semester but that's probably not happening so i'm probably making lots of changes lol

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