As I get older I realize more and more how incredibly helpful it was for me to get exposed to queer erotica when I was young. Had some friends who were furries and through them I got to see various kinds of queer erotica, which sexualizes and loves the human body in such profoundly different ways than cishet porn and erotica does.
It was helpful because it helped chip away at the idea of normativity, the idea that there is one central ideal towards which all things must strive.
Not in a "queer porn made me enlightened!!!" kind of sense, but in the sense that once the time came that I was ready to start confronting my internalized self-hate and body shame and insecurities, I had some ammo to work with. I wasn't going up against it alone - I could point to this art - gay male art, lesbian art, furry art, art from the transgender perspective, all of it - and know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I still had to do some work to accept it, and internalize it, but I could know because I had evidence that, yes, there are people who desire bodies like mine, and who love those bodies earnestly and viscerally.
And regardless of whether I am attracted to those people in turn, whether I want to date them or sleep with them, it means that that insidious little voice which is drilled into the back of our heads telling us that our bodies do not meet the standard of quality that qualifies us for love is, quite simply, wrong. Beauty ideals are not a universal value, and they arise from no necessary truth or rational principle, they are a series of deliberate choices made by cultures, influenced by the culture's values.
And when that culture is struggling with a history of white supremacy, with a history of systemic sexism and homophobia, when that culture is dictated in large part by the whims and interests of billion dollar corporations intent on selling Products & Services™, the choice of beauty ideal is neither neutral or healthy, and you can unmake that choice for yourself, and find something better.
Anyway, I guess my point is that porn is good for you actually, especially the gay stuff. Replace all the Marvel movies you watch with filthy Ao3 fiction and furry smut.
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“Of my virtue, I am justly proud.”
Let the ringing bells resound, bringing this wish to life.
The chance encounter once longed for… let’s make it a reality.
Finally, the threads of Fate are intertwining.
At Last, we meet. Shall we Dance?
"... So, it is you they have sent to retain me."
"Erm, yes...“
"I see."
"I hope that’s not an issue for you, Rollo-senpai.”
“… It is acceptable to alternatives I was thinking of.”
“A-Ahahahah…”
"Hmm."
He pressed a handkerchief to his face, concealing his frown but not his judgmental eyes, harsh as stone. Raven shivered—yet she knew to keep her own gaze trained on him in spite of the many complex feelings twisting in her gut. Fear, hope, confusion, kinship.
Rollo Flamme looked out of place on Night Raven College grounds. His austere face made him appear more mature than the average student, more scornful elder than a young man. With his big hat and flowing robes, it was as though he had stepped out of another era and into present day, not through a magical mirror from one place to another.
Hidden away in the mirror chamber, two characters out of place.
He coughed stiffly.
This is so awkward... Should I say something? I-I should definitely say something in a reunion scene like this, right?!
Before Raven could, Rollo did.
"... Well?" The single word was pointed like a jagged shard of glass. "Shall we be on our way? We’re on a tight schedule, are we not?”
“A-Actually, no! The headmaster wishes for your stay to be as relaxing as possible, so we’re free to proceed at a leisurely pace.” Raven attempted to sound cheery. “Rather than focus on our facilities, he thinks it would be more beneficial to spend time among the student body. Classes, meals, extracurriculars, daily living—things like that. This way, you can get a better sense of how… inviting our community is.”
There was a longer than anticipated pause. The air in the mirror chamber chilled, freezing her feathers over.
“Inviting is not the descriptor I would have used.”
“The headmaster’s choice of phrasing, not mine,” Raven explained. “I am only serving as the messenger.”
“Yes, of course."
His was a face that didn't smile. Even his eyes seemed dead and disinterested, none of the light from the crystalline walls or the lit sconces reflecting off his pupils. They were like black holes, devouring all hope.
“I-It’s nice to see you again,” Raven tried again, careful with her choice of words. “You’ve been responding to some of my letters, but it feels much different to see you in the flesh once more. You look… better… than you did in our last meeting.”
He scoffed--a little emotion, but nothing positive. It was soft, audible to her, but perhaps not to the students milling about outside. “Is that a joke?"
"Not at all. I'm glad to see you in good spirits. You seemed a little peeved in your replies, so I was worried that you would retain that sentiment."
It didn't have the intended effect of soothing him. His frown only deepened.
“Do you have a preference for what you would like to see first, or…?”
"You must be enjoy playing this mind game," Rollo finally spat out. "Well? If you're going to jeer and taunt, then get on with it. No need to maintain the theatrics."
"What?" The accusation sent her reeling. Raven scrambled to collect herself. "No, I'm not... I simply... Wh-What are you implying?!"
"Come now. You understand the true nature of things, just as I do. We were both witnesses to it.” Frost lined his every breath. “Why bother with the charade? If you mean to mock me, then cut right to it. You deplorable lot have won. Relish in it. Rub it in.”
“These are my true feelings, Rollo-senpai." She shook her head sadly. “You’ve gone and done something terrible, but I don’t want to rub any more salt in your wound.”
“So you claim. Yet here you stand, speaking down to me as though I were as fragile as a glass slipper. That is equally as insulting, if not more so.”
“Why is that?”
Raven’s question hovered between them. It was a specter, haunting the present while clinging to the past.
"It's absurdly self-righteous."
Wow, look who's talking.
She held her tongue, knowing uttering it out loud wouldn't help the situation. Instead, Raven said, “I don't know what you believe, but as a storyteller, I believe that everyone has a story to tell, and a capacity to do good. They just have to be given the chance to act and the right encouragement. I don’t think there’s anything 'insulting' about that.”
"Hmph, this naive nonsense again. I'd have thought you'd know better by now." Clasping his hands together, the diamond-cut stone upon his ring glinted sinisterly. A contained hatred flickered in Rollo's eyes. "... Mere kindness will not put my motivations to rest."
"Maybe not, but I never intended for it to. A city isn't built in a day, and neither is one's character. It takes a journey and a supporting cast to get to that point. In that sense, you're not much different than me or any other student at NRC. You'll fit right in."
"Don't liken me to you and your ilk," Rollo snapped. "You're without virtue. Sparks that--if left untamed--can grow into an inferno, tearing down any and all life in its path. You drown yourself in debauchery and bring about nothing but pain and misery to this world."
“Is magic like fire to you? But there are gentle fires too. Fire that does not harm and destroy, but warms and guides. It’s energy and life. The same can be true of magic.”
His neutral mask slipped. For a second, Raven caught pure venom and rage on him--a glimpse into his true self. Rollo comfortably settled into a glare, his eyes alight with smoke and cinders and a smirk at his mouth.
"I can see that spending your time among the depraved has only further poisoned your thoughts. The dangerous ideology Draconia spews has seeped in deep."
"I'm not parroting Malleus-senpai's words. They're strictly my own."
"Then you're more brainwashed than you realize. Poor thing. I almost pity you myself."
Rollo took a step toward her, the motion vaguely threatening. She hadn't taken note of their height discrepancy until now--how he towered over her like an imposing bell tower over a town.
He lowered his face to meet the bird's, scorn searing into her. Shadows ringed them in an eerie, ritualistic dance.
"I once thought you capable of seeing my point of view. I could not have been more wrong. Your ashen soul is wholly unable to be salvaged.
"You play the part of savior when you're the one in need of rescuing yourself," Rollo hissed, voice low. "However, you'll find that I'm not so merciful of a man. To shepherd a black sheep to safety is to invite trouble to the entire flock. You've made your allegiances clear--and for that, I will not hesitate to strike you down when the next opportunity presents itself."
A warning.
Raven quivered at his promise of retribution, the unrelenting fervor burning in his hateful heart. Her legs threatened to give way, holding only by the fear stiffening the feeling in her limbs. If Rollo was a wildfire, then she was an animal entangled in its blazing heat.
She searched within herself for a fitting response. A rebuttal, a challenge. Something a hero might sassily retort to inspire confidence and another day.
A single wish resounded in her mind. It rang clearly in the darkness, cutting with clarity and dispelling doubt.
One man's advice, loud and true.
“Young Crowley, you must not waver. Let your conviction be known. For your words to be heard, and for them to resonate with those who need it most... That is what you desire most of all, is it not?”
What I desire the most is...
A happily ever after for everyone.
Raven swallowed her pride and terror, seizing all her courage. She tugged on Rollo's arm, forcing him to lurch forward, falling in step with her.
“Wh-What are you…?! Release me at once, you vile villain!!"
He wobbled, his handkerchief fluttering to the floor. Seriousness shifted into shock as they plunged into a hallway jam-packed with students in striped ties and armbands.
Harsh light pooled on them. Curious heads turned. Staring, judging. Silencing the guilty—silencing Rollo.
"Sorry, no can do!" Raven called back. She forced a snaggle-toothed smile as she hauled him after her. "Let's be off now!! There's so much for you to see and do here at our Night Raven College."
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