#develop a routine even
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if you have only One Thing in your life right now (fandom, perhaps, or mental illness recovery, or a person), i have been there and I am here to tell you: find another thing.
i know it's hard! many things cost money! but you gotta. it will improve your life immeasurably.
you can start very small. perhaps begin to draw even though you think you are bad at it. perhaps make playlists or pinterest boards or powerpoint slides based on your mood. get really into tiny things, or dogs, or yarn.
this will spiral out in wonderful ways! you can build self-efficacy, make new friends, and take a break once in a while from your One Thing. that Thing will benefit from you taking breaks, and so will you.
if you have the time, money, and space, i cannot say enough good things about getting a pet if you're in this situation. got my dog post-divorce and he really helped me out when all i had was misery and regret and my family (no shade to my family but it wasn't working as a One Thing for any of us).
#self-efficacy#fandom#mental illness recovery#mental illness#loneliness#hobbies#i'm not saying touch grass here#i'm saying make some meaning#develop a routine even#i promise this helps
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strange new worlds is not doing enough strange or new for me
#strange new worlds#snw critical#the nostalgia bait show is failing to both provide nostalgia or give me a new reason to watch#the writing is so solid overall and it’s so pretty and the cast is giving so much effort and yet it just feels stuck#and impeded by canon#and the episodic format both helps and hinders this#I get that it’s supposed to TOS-esque in that way but there’s a reason why I routinely forget half that show#as opposed to TNG or DS9#also in this specific ep DSC did so much heavy lifting to give us a plausible new Spock and SNW Spock is…..#not right even just in comparison to his original appearance let alone TOS Spock#where’s his bitchiness and his love of science and his barely logically supported batshit ideas where did he go#it’s like for every five minutes Spock being himself#we get an episode of purposefully OOC Spock and it’s throwing me off#and that would be fine but other than him and Pike no one is getting substantial development#how was season 1 better with this im so very confused
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i got curious about mary's role post-resurrection so i looked at a list of all her appearances in season 12 only to discover that she's only in about half of the episodes. which is surprising because like, where the fuck is she going? where is her character arc going to take her such that she's separated from her children for entire episodes, 33 years in the future with everyone else she's ever known or loved dead?
i'm just eternally fascinated that supernatural is a show about sam and dean, and literally no other character including their own mother is allowed to impede on that. every other character has to be removed at some point from the brotherly unit so as not to infringe on their domination of the narrative. every other character is expendable, unnecessary for the show to function continuously. every other character can go off on their own for several episodes at a time and live a life separate from them. there's no limit to this and no one is allowed to get close enough to sam and dean to negate this reality.
#liveblogging: supernatural#i wouldn't say they commit to this very well because the presence of the recurring cast expands their world and does a disservice to the#themes of isolation and the idea that they only have each other established by early seasons#but the bunker also does a disservice to the premise of it being a road show so like there are plenty of criticisms to make about how#spn has changed over the years#anyway i have critiqued spn on its inability to commit to either a small isolated cast OR a large recurring cast#which is where a lot of the issues i have with many characters stem from#since they're not well developed for the roles the show is trying to force them into#and potential is routinely wasted#anyway. that's just tangential. at the end of the day the show does always bring it back to sam and dean. one unit.#and no one not even other main characters are allowed into that inner circle#made real and evident by their mere presence or absence across episodes#it's just an interesting thing#.txt#spn posting
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U know when u reach that point of mentally unwell that it's like, u realize it's stupid and dumb and your (mal)adaptive coping mechanisms and inbuilt trauma responses aren't helpful and aren't logical and you're complete aware of this and yet can't eradicate it and it's so frustrating and in some way you're more upset about not being able to force ur brain into being normal and stop being Like That, than you are upset about whatever thing happened in the first place
#the duality of fran#anyway yes yes i know im tired and stressed and its winter#and all these things mean all my bad brain stuff harder to cope with#and all my yucky bad maladaptive mechanisms come back#and its stupid and dumb and i cant fix it overnight. or really ever. and YET#im just. gonna throw myself into reading and video games i guess. keep myself distracted#i could have healthier routines but its really fuckin hard to be consistent with anything#when im living with my parents and not much is actually within my control#when it comes to routine and living arrangement and such. its uh....#real difficult to assert autonomy and control and break hurtful patterns of behaviour when living in the space#& w the ppl who caused those problems in the first place yknow#how can i stop hiding and ppl pleasing and acting like a hollow shell of a fake person#when all of that was developed specifically to protect myself emotionally from these ppl#did it work??? NO. sometimes it feels like it didnt even preserve a tiny core of me#whatever the me that existed before. or was supposed to exist. just. is gone. never was#ik ik dont think of unlived lives theyre not real theres no alternate version of urself#but maybe...there is....and that fran is so much better
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hmm
#this is the first time since i graduated high school (which i did 8 years ago)#that i'm at a good place in life – as in... doing well in school#got a stable job that i worked for really hard for YEARS#i'm making new friends and developing a new healthier routine despite being incredibly tired#while also being here and indulging in a hobby/you guys#and i booked a summer vacay to a place i've ALWAYS wanted to see!!#for the first time in a long time i've so many good things going on in life and am not feeling like i'm wasting my time.. and it's nice#now just onto finding true internal happiness.. or well not even that – just wanna be content#and then maybe seek actual happiness... but what i wanna say is#it'll be okay.. it'll be okay#if for me then for you as well#things won't hurt forever#personal
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adds a 4th step to skincare routine after adding the 3rd only like 3 years ago
#so far looking good#my skin hates almost everything so if after two uses its not screaming crying throwing up#then its at least not harmful#exciting developments at 30 years old#also barely even able to say the words skin care routine without rolling my eyes its been#so warped into capitalist self care bullshit#its not even fancy its just#sulfur soap - cleanser - moisturizer#and i added a serum step now
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The Web (1947)
"Isn't there some way we can get together on this?"
"Oh, sure. You confess and I'll arrest you."
#the web#1947#film noir#american cinema#michael gordon#william bowers#bertram millhauser#harry kurnitz#ella raines#edmond o'brien#vincent price#william bendix#maria palmer#john abbott#fritz leiber#howland chamberlain#tito vuolo#wilton graff#robin raymond#hans j. salter#visually this isn't the most impressive example of the genre‚ but in scripting and dialogue this is a beautifully constructed top tier noir#it feels like every line is a sharp retort‚ a witty aside or a loaded innuendo; Eddie O'Brien‚ grinning like a cheshire cat and doing his#best to channel Bogart‚ alternates between rattling off insults and flattery‚ routinely humbled by the wonderful Ella Raines and of course#a young Vincent Price‚ exuding pure smarm as a cool and callous killer who isn't once rattled by O'Brien's strongarm tactics#the plot isn't especially original and offers few surprises but it's honestly so beautifully drawn‚ executed with such precision and such#superb charm that it's kind of impossible not to have a great time. even side characters are fully developed and given their own#full personality and life beyond the central focus (particularly rewarding is Bendix as a deadpan asshole cop whose dogged refusal to trust#anyone at all threatens to see O'Brien swing for a crime he didn't (quite) commit). top notch cast and an excellent script#all ending in a suitably shadowy denouement; there are better noir films‚ sure‚ but this still feels sort of indispensable to the canon
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always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds
#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN#personal#im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so#im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so.#the energy’s doing Great#and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing#genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed????????#i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then#im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms#usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way#but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with#so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare?#still more sick than i’ve been in……..years?#im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week#this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer#hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!!#and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like—#starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis#im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune#i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months#idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)
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"It was a father and son walk, or at least, of two people who wished to be like that"
OH MY GOD???? YOU CANNOT??? DO THAT TO ME??? HELLO??? AUTHOR-NIM???? WHAT IS GOING ON??
#the amount of hints in this episode holy shit#also i will fight anyone who says arcos and marbella didn't care about og lloyd these people even knew their son's wash up routine wdym#i am going to be inconsolable if something happens to them before lloyd calls them mom and dad i swear to god#tged#the greatest estate developer#the greatest estate developer spoilers#ALSO THEY HELD HANDS THATS SO SWEET OH MY GOD 😭😭😭😭#lloyd frontera#arcos frontera#i talk a lot <3
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I just saw scott pilgrim fanart and anytime anything makes me remember Scott Pilgrim my brain goes into overdrive about how bad the movie was for the story, actually.
Great movie it deserved to be successful but hooooooooly shit they just removed like, every actual part of Scott figuring out his problems and confronting them and trying to be a better person. Scott Pilgrim is one of those top-tier "shitty dudes idolize him for entirely wrong reasons" but unlike Tyler Durden or Tony Montana or whatever it's not that the deconstruction fundamentally fails to target the object of deconstruction, it's literally just what the movie shows.
#Scott Pilgrim#He had an alcoholic phase in college and routinely rewrites his memories to make the women he fucked over the aggressors#You can kinda forgive it cause the 6th book was still being written but they cut Gideon's ex girlfriends that made the parallel like#really fucking obvious#I cannot even begin to imagine what O'Malley thought the message he was sending when he originally wanted Scott to end up back with Knives#But honestly *not* ending up with Ramona would've been a starker conclusion to his character arc#Not that it's bad as is and if Ramona leaves you run the risk of putting her in the position of a tool for a man's character arc anyway but#you know what I'm saying right? The whole 'power of love' 'power of understanding' thing?#and the movie replaces the understanding sword with a self-respect sword centering Scott EVEN MORE#Not making Ramona the crux of his development because that's not her job like#She deserves happiness to and after deconstructing the manic pixie dream girl thing she can actually have that#I dunno I'm torn on it#my bullshit#seriously though wtf was the message of the initial Knives ending supposed to be
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Face wash samajh aata hai, moisturizer bhi samajh ata hai, toner bhi chlo thik hai, chlo ek baar ke liye serum bhi samajh lete hain magar kya ye naye naye acids aur alag hi serums market m leke aa rhe hain?Itne nakhre toh dieting krne valo ke ni hote jitne ye 8 step, 10 step, 12 step, fkn 16 step skin care routine valo ke hote hain. Skin care ho rhi hai ya fir new skin development jiska itna lamba process hai?
#no offence to those having such long routines#but I'm just fed up with the skin care market#their marketing copies develop this weird fear of being your true self#pimples & sun tan & acne & tiny bumps & dead skin cells & fkn skin texture???#is nothing normal?#are we supposed to walk with that perfect even toned bright (tubelight vali bright) skin everyday?#if there's a medical issue then things are different and are acceptable#but i find no purpose of these products and their marketing agendas other than instilling a fear of being natural#shut up sahiba#desiblr#opinion#thoughts
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After over 3 weeks of unsuccessfully checking several department stores that promised to have one, i Finally managed to find a body shop around here AND it had the banana conditioner i wanted so so badly. Life is good sometimes
#like i cannot tell you how Frustrating this was#i have no idea where they hide them but the 5 malls and department stores i checked before definitely hid them too well#i even went to lush instead which i never tried before and the shampoo and conditioner definitely don't smell as good#but they did their job well enough#but damn I'm so happy rn because I've had given up on ever finding one#(and yes. I'm drunk again because they only sold those makgeolli bottles in sets of two at that supermarket#so i had to drink the other one too obviously#I'm doing great )#i really need to find something to do with my life here though#i should develop a routine or something#start the day with yoga or pilates or something like that and then work on my papers#and then do xyz ...#rn i just waste my days#also the weather has been more bearable temperature wise lately#so i should start running soon#rn it's raining a lot though so i hope that'll stop soon#I'll check out some routes tomorrow though#i need to get more exercise#my room is too small to do anything strenuous so I have to get out of my comfort zone and work out/run outside#sorry I'm rambling#gotta shut up now. i have like 2 weeks left to write my 1st term paper so i need to find a topic tomorrow and message my lecturer#he'll judge me for messaging him so late but idc. I've never written anything in more than a week so this is fine#after that I'll write my other paper and then I'll be free until January#sorry got carried away#void screams
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me peeking over you guys shoulders again to see what you got bc i didnt study for the test: so has anyone given yaz any hobbies in their fics? and if so, what?
#theoretically she could do Anything in the tardis#i mean they have downtime right?#they have evenings#i mean#i think#cant be All Saving The World All The Time#and in the first year maybe you just wander the tardis exploring#but at some point you develop a routine#right?#she lives here#idk
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what if i told you all i enjoy pinkswald platonically…
#i sort of understand why danny died because of how clara’s character develops from series 8 to 9 but…#i don’t think it was needed.#i wanted them to be friends in the end ☹️#it just felt like they kept showing how danny and clara were different. they wanted different things from life.#danny wanted to settle down into a comfortable life. clara wanted the adventure.#y’know?#like at the end of into the forest of the night…#clara decides to watch the forest burn away with the doctor.#danny decides that he’s seen enough wonders.#they’re just on two different paths in life.#but they still love each other. they’re just not compatible.#maybe this is just nonsensical drabble because i’m clara oswald aroace truther but#clara puts certain societal expectations on herself. routine job. normal boyfriend.#these are things she believes she’s meant to seek out in life.#that’s WHY she’s a control freak. she wants everything to be the way it’s ‘supposed’ to be.#i think it’s very telling that in every scene where clara is making some sort of comittment to danny#she’ll be dead so she won’t really need to follow through with that ‘normal’ way of life.#she thinks the earth will die. humanity will cease to exist in the forest of the night.#even in dark water and last christmas she won’t REALLY be making a commitment because she’ll be dead.#in last christmas the dream with danny is a dream within a dream of having another adventure with the doctor.#and in the last dream where she’s an old woman she goes onto to say how she travelled all over the world she learn to fly a plane…#things i don’t think she could really do with danny and that’s not because he’s a controlling boyfriend or that he’s bad for her -#they’re just very different people.#also clara having no other relationships in that dream of the future is further proof that she’s aroace#you wouldn’t get it.#(aroace thing is just a headcanon)#i liked danny. i wish we got more of him 🤷🏻♀️#belle’s ramblings™️#clara oswald meta#clara oswald
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went to bed later than i wanted. woke up way earlier than i expected (i didn't have a clock in my room tho so i just got up i didn't realize it was 7:30...)
also i had an unpleasant dream and when i tried to put my contacts in this morning they Burned Like Hell. i have no idea why that's never happened before?? i just put on my glasses instead but like. waste of a pair of contacts...what the hell
#i wanna talk about me#idk. my hands feel okay and i did wash them this morning before my usual morning routine#but maybe there's like still burn cream on them and it really hurt my eyes?#even though i don't really see how that would get on the contacts themselves or stay on my eyes much...#idk. it's not like a big deal to have to discard two (2) contacts i have more. but it is really annoying to throw away two unused ones#also my dream involved being in tech week for my stupid show again (ugh)#getting sick and developing an awful ugly rash#and multiple of my long passed previous cats being back Somehow. walker and murray i miss you so much :(#anyway. gd. it's already a weird day. i might try to go back to sleep a little on the comfy chair downstairs#i feel strange. idk. and i'm still tired.
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I love when it's like 11AM and I'm like "sorry if I'm a lil out of it, I just woke up" and the other person is like "ooh lucky, sleeping in" and like
Fam I went to bed at 7-something-AM. I barely got a decent nap. I work evenings/nights and irregular shifts.
This sounds like I'm being super bitchy XD it really does amuse me that people just automatically assume how much sleep you got based on when you woke up like they think everyone gets magically knocked out at 9PM or something.
Even when I worked days I didn't sleep for shit.
#rambles#insomnia life is real#im trying to get onto one shift tho#working both is rough#i cant really develop a routine of any kind#omfg it kept autocorrecting ro routingle#wtf is that even supposed to mean lmfao
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