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white-collar-lawmen-and-conmen · 2 years

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The Transfer

Summary: Sometimes it takes an outside eye to spot when something's going wrong inside a team.

Word Count: 4,801

Requested by @twistedtooth

White Collar wasn’t your idea of the dream, but everyone had to start somewhere. You were just glad that you’d made it to a real office where something exciting happened once in a while! You weren’t sure exactly where you were heading next, but from the moment you transferred into the WCCD, you knew it was a place where you could happily bide your time and learn from senior agents. There was a sort of camaraderie on the twenty-first floor that had been absent in your previous position, and you were welcomed into it by new agents and twenty-year vets alike.

Within a couple of weeks, you were on a first-name basis with almost everyone on the floor, from Peter Burke himself down to the probationary agent who usually worked in the archives. And of course you met Neal. He was just as charming as everyone had made him sound. You admit it; you were charmed, too.

It was hard, at first, to forget who you were talking to. You’d gone through Quantico in the last five years, and then you’d asked around about the division once it was set in stone that you’d be working there. Neal Caffrey’s reputation preceded him; in all honesty – and you would never admit it to his face – you were a bit starstruck the first time you saw him striding in beside Peter, coffee in one hand, anklet on one leg, hat jauntily perched on his head. This was James Bonds himself, in your new office, sitting barely fifteen feet away from you and even using the same coffee pot. It felt a little bit like a fresh-blooded actress being cast alongside Meryl Streep.

But, truthfully, the stars blinked from your eyes pretty quickly. Working in the same space, even if you didn’t work on the same cases together, took apart whatever larger-than-life image you’d built of him in your head. Talking to him – shyly at first, getting more comfortable as the days went by – humanized him, until, yeah, it was still pretty cool that you were sharing water cooler gossip with Neal freakin’ Caffrey, but he was also the guy who infamously got the double-finger-point from Hughes every other week and was sent to fetch coffee from outside the building whenever he pissed someone off by complaining too much about the instant mix in the kitchenette.

As weeks went by in your new division, you actually started striking up something with Neal. You weren’t quite ready to call it sparks – for a few reasons, you weren’t willing to go there just yet, even in your mind – but you did think it could be friendship. You started taking coffee breaks together when you were both able to step away from work. Sometimes, Neal even finished with what Peter had given him and wandered over to your desk to pull up a chair and help you look at your cold cases of the week, seeing if a fresh pair of eyes couldn’t make a difference. They usually couldn’t, but that one time they had? Oh, boy. You hadn’t felt a rush like that since the one and only time you’d taken the free fall at the amusement park.

After months in the division, there was truthfully only one thing you still complained about to yourself and your non-bureau friends. It wasn’t the cheap coffee; you were more than welcome to use your breaks to go get better stuff from a café. Nor was it the sometimes long hours; you’d known those were coming, and you had the security of salaried pay to make the few instances worth the exchange. Even the boring cases, you had, in a sense, signed up for. No, what still really bothered you, months in, was the way one specific coworker was treated by everyone with authority.

Neal brushed it off and never let it get him down. He was like a smiley, cheerful duck in that it all rolled off his back, barring the few comments where he made a mocking face of hurt or sarcastically clapped back. Most of the time, he just let it go as if everything were warranted; and it wasn’t. Because, the thing was, he’d been sentenced to four years in prison. Between actual prison time, and his time on parole, he’d served well over four years. Sure, he’d gotten that additional four for breaking out, but time and hindsight had proven that the girl he’d broken out for had, indeed, been in danger. She’d wound up murdered by the people who’d pushed her to go off the grid. Personally, you were pretty sure Neal had more than made up his debt to society, especially since the man whose company he’d stolen from gave him the moral all-clear after the kidnapping debacle.

It wasn’t your call to make, and you weren’t going to delude yourself into thinking it was, but all that left you with a bad taste in your mouth when Neal was treated poorly by figures of authority in the bureau simply because of his record; the record that he had paid for dearly with whole years of his life. No, he didn’t serve out that second sentence in full yet, but he was working for the bureau in a capacity that often put him in mortal danger; didn’t that at least earn him the respect of the people he worked beside? If they were comfortable enough entrusting him with civilian and agent lives alike, you thought they should be plenty comfortable going more than a single day without a jibe meant to put him back in his place.

“Trust you? I don’t think so,” Jones would say in all seriousness with an amused chuckle when Neal encouraged him to take a leap of faith.

Diana wouldn’t even look up from her desk before issuing mild-mannered threats about Neal attempting to manipulate her – before even letting him say hello or approach why he was at her desk to begin with.

Even Peter would make the jabs on occasion. One time Neal had been admiring a car and they used its lo-jack to identify a suspect. Neal made a comment appreciating that it came with a GPS, and Peter made a cheerful quip of, “Just like you!” That seemed innocent enough on its face, but it became a lot less innocent when he would make very casual references to having looked at Neal’s tracking data, or reminding the artist that Peter could chuck him back in jail when he thought Neal was being annoying.

All the little things like that added up to you, and you started cataloguing them with your head down and a frown replacing your neutral, preoccupied expression. You told yourself you worked with good people, and they wouldn’t constantly put a man down like that – especially a man who was on their side, ostensibly their friend. Maybe it sounded bad to you, but was all in good fun – like the way you insulted your best friend if she dared to touch your French fries. You started glancing at Neal afterwards to see if he seemed upset. He never seemed to let it get to him, but you did notice that if he’d been acting playful or particularly friendly before, that seemed to put an end to it. So there went that theory of it being appropriate in context.

As a junior agent, barely out of your probationary timeframe, it was absolutely none of your business how Diana or Clinton interacted with Neal – much less how Peter did. And, since Neal didn’t make a fuss about it, you didn’t either. Maybe that was cowardly of you, but you didn’t want to stand out at work for any of the wrong reasons. Instead, you just tried to be a good friend to him at work, showing him the respect of not automatically assuming he was constantly out to manipulate, trick, lie to, or otherwise scam you. Likewise, you never tried to guard your phone, jewelry, or other personal effects from him. You hoped that if he noticed that behavior from some of the less confident agents, he would also notice and appreciate the opposite from you.

Silent support seemed to be working pretty well, because you picked up on how often Neal would come to you to socialize or help out with cold cases when he didn’t have something else to work on or anywhere to be. And in addition to having the clever blue-eyed boy keep you company, it brought an unexpected upside of drawing positive attention from the older agents, who, after several months of no incidents between you and Neal, appeared to believe that you were capable of handling yourself. Between your composure and Neal’s favorable attention, Peter’s team started to loop you in on cases when they needed more manpower. Being included, in whatever capacity, in the larger-profile cases was a huge professional boon.

That was how, on a Thursday evening, you found yourself in the van with Neal and Peter. It was far from your first surveillance operation, but it was your first time on one of this caliber. Fortunately, there was very little pressure; it being late evening, the suspect was more likely than not to head to bed soon and then be unconscious for most of your shift. Still, the van needed people in it, so you traded places with Clinton for a staggered watch and joined the infamous crime-solving duo with fresh coffee and a deck of cards.

Both men started grinning, albeit for different reasons. Peter reached for the coffee you offered him with an almost reverent tone of gratitude, while Neal started to grin widely and rolled up his sleeves. “Finally, a way to pass the time.”

“Nertz is off the table,” you said regrettably. “But anything where we can check the cameras every few seconds is fair game.”

You handed him the deck since he was so excited. Neal popped it open and started shuffling the cards with the ease of a practiced magician. He caught your eye and grinned as you watched him bridge the deck against his thigh without dropping any.

“Y/N doesn’t know how to play the usual card games,” Neal said sideways to Peter, shuffling without even looking. Now that was unfair. You sipped at your coffee, made a face, and put it to the side to cool off. The equipment on the table was taking up most of the space, so you’d have to make smart use of the flat tops, too, but it was going to be wholly doable. “I promised I’d teach her some.”

“Got an extra deck, if you wanna play,” you offered. Truthfully, you didn’t know how many decks most games needed, so you’d just grabbed two to be safe.

“We’re gonna start with poker,” Neal said brightly.

You chuckled quietly, already quite certain that in any game of bluffing, you would lose to Neal. Still, you’d never had a reason to bluff to him before, so maybe you stood a slim chance that he wouldn’t know your tics right away.

Peter made an almost incredulous face at you, and then looked at Neal, then back to you. “You’re teaching Neal to teach you poker? You know what he does for a living, right?”

“Peter,” Neal objected gamely, giving him a scolding, but not very serious, frown. It was a token objection, if that.

“Works for the FBI,” you said at the same time, giving Peter a pointed look. It was the quickest and bravest you’d dared to be about one of those snide little remarks. But the fact was, Neal didn’t make his living hustling people at cards. He earned his stipend by working for the bureau, just like you and Peter both also did. The only difference was that the two of you were actually paid a living wage, whereas it was somehow fair for the bureau to not only demand Neal’s compliance with life-threatening demands, but also to pay him less than poverty wages.

“Before that,” Peter said, smiling a little like you’d made a funny joke. He elbowed Neal, but Neal didn’t play along with him. Instead he straightened the edges of the cards and deliberately didn’t look at Peter.

“He’s my teammate,” you said, frowning at Peter fully. “I trust him. I’ll continue to do so unless he gives me a reason not to.”

The senior agent looked almost shocked that something he’d meant as a joke had been responded to so seriously. Did he really not hear how mean-spirited it had sounded? At least he now seemed to see that it wasn’t taken as one, and that you weren’t the only one upset. He looked at Neal again, but then looked away, frowning to himself. You could see gears turning in his head. While he reflected, you changed the subject back to friendlier waters, encouraging Neal not to mentally retreat.

“What’re we playing for?” You asked him, opening up the small bag you’d brought with you. “I brought chocolate. Or, we could go for coffee-fetching.”

The stakeout passed uneventfully. After a few minutes, you’d drawn Neal back out into the playful mood he’d been in before, and once a respectable amount of time had passed since you’d very politely told off your boss, Peter asked to be dealt in. As predicted, both of them wiped the floor with you, but you’d had a good time and the foresight to bring spare chocolate.

Another few weeks passed uneventfully. You were pleased to note that, at least in front of you, Peter made fewer snarky comments about Neal. Something about that night – whether it was being called on it, or actually seeing that Neal wouldn’t look at him after – showed the older agent that his jokes weren’t actually funny. Not that you spent that much time in his presence, granted. That case was closed a couple days after you helped to surveil, and you hadn’t been recruited for anything by their team since. You still said your friendly hellos and made conversation with Neal almost every day.

There came one interesting day when organized crime popped in. It wasn’t unusual for agents from other divisions to wander through for some reason or another, but when a whole trio of them came in doing the strut together, you tended to take notice. They went straight to Hughes’ office, and when the white-haired ASAC came out, he did the double-fingered point at Neal before turning straight back into his office. Neal looked like he had no idea what was going on, but was just happy to be invited, and went on up to Hughes’ office on the mezzanine with a bit of pep in his step.

The pep was gone when he came to see what you were up to later on in the day. “Special assignment?” You asked him curiously before he had the chance to say something to you. When you looked to his face, his expression was glum. “Oh. Not in a good way.”

“I’m getting loaned out,” he complained, filling one of Peter’s mugs with coffee. By the amount of cream he put in it, you strongly suspected it wasn’t for Peter. “Ruiz doesn’t even appreciate my expertise.”

“Not all agents can be as cool as I am,” you said sympathetically. “I’m sorry. It’s not for long, I hope?”

“This case they’re on could be a few days,” Neal predicted. Then he confirmed your suspicion about the coffee by taking a big sip from the rim, settling his hip against the counter to make himself more comfortable as he spoke to you. The artist scrunched up his nose adorably; you weren’t sure whether it was about the coffee or about the division’s visitors. “He said I’m a tool in his belt.”

You snorted. “From what I’ve heard, Ruiz is the tool.” He was a passable agent, but not well liked by any stretch of the imagination.

“Not Ruiz,” Neal corrected you, still just as displeased. “Hughes. He can loan me out because I’m a tool. And not even a good enough one to want to keep on, apparently.”

This was the first time you’d ever heard Neal voice his issues with being spoken down to in that way. You wondered if it was because you’d demonstrated that you were in his corner about it already, but brushed it off; this wasn’t about you. That said, there really wasn’t anything you could do when Hughes had already made a decision. He outranked you by miles.

“Well, if you were on my team, I’d be fighting to keep you put,” you said, trying to bolster his mood without stroking his ego – or sounding too much like a heartfelt cheerleader. “I’m sorry Hughes still talks to you like that.” Really, you’d think someone as experienced as your division chief would know better than to paint people with such broad strokes. Especially when those strokes were demoralizing, and, dare you say, dehumanizing.

“If I put together my own crew, you’ll be on it,” Neal promised in solidarity.

Your lips twitched up, but you tried not to actually smile. This was the kind of good-natured joking Peter thought he was doing. “Team.”

“Crew, team. Same thing,” Neal said innocently.

Neal was with organized crime for three days and part of a fourth before you got him back. When he did return, he arrived to a little bit of well-intentioned fanfare from you, Peter, and (albeit more sarcastically) Diana. He caught you all up to speed on his week with a quick sum-up that amounted to “murder bad, guns ick, Ruiz boo” before immediately pouncing on Peter’s newest case.

To be clear, it wasn’t like you were waiting on the edge of your seat to be brought into another of the big cases. You knew exactly where you sat in the pecking order, and you knew that if you were patient, and continued to show your merit, you would eventually earn some better files. That said, you were not going to turn down an opportunity, so when Neal indirectly asked if you’d like to join the team on a counter-smuggling operation, you excitedly let him lead you to the floor’s biggest conference room.

The way that the team talked about everything going into their sting made you almost buzz. It was all so normal to them – they did it, or something like it, so often that the novelty had worn off. But for you, there was a thrill to what you were doing and what you were aiming to accomplish. Your role was small, but crucial; you were inwardly delighted that they trusted you with it, even if only because their small team was too small for the operation they needed to pull off.

After the whole team disbanded, Peter led you and Neal down into the evidence warehouse to select and familiarize yourself with the props you’d be using: precious gems. The idea was to flash valuable stones enough that your display would be targeted when your back was turned. Little did your thieves know, but you were replacing the real ones shown for appraisal with cheap facsimiles in the case. Clinton and Peter would be making sure to keep the heat on your bad guys, so they wouldn’t have time to stop and appraise the fakes in the dark before leaving – and taking a tiny GPS tag with them. The act of stealing the fakes would, itself, be a crime, and hopefully lead back to the pure emeralds stolen from a gallery.

With a careful, gloved hand, you picked up a vaguely oval-shaped stone from a small blue felt tray where the bureau’s confiscated mid-range gems lay. “This is gorgeous,” you admired, turning it slightly and seeing how the colors seemed to shift from a ocean blue in the center to a faded pink on the edges.

Neal looked at what you were appreciating for only a couple of seconds before he identified it. “Alexandrite,” he said. “We’re looking for something a bit more valuable.”

The other stones were pretty, too, but you loved the alexandrite. “Value is subjective,” you sighed softly before putting it back down.

Neal ran a gloved fingertip gently over some of the stones on the tray, making them move and seeing how they changed under the light. Peter sighed while he waited for the two of you to make your picks, but you ignored him – neither of you knew what you were doing, so you were going to defer to the man who actually had professional expertise on the subject of gemstones. After a moment, Neal seemed to zero in on a couple before choosing a relatively small one to hold up. At first, you’d thought it was a diamond like some other pieces, but when he held it away from the blue felt, you could see it had a soft purple tint to it.

“Amethyst?” You asked skeptically.

Neal smiled at you, amused by the guess but not being rude that you were wrong. “Taaffeite. First found in Ireland, valued at up to thirty-five grand per carat.” You eyed it skeptically. The artist quietly chuckled. “You think the alexandrite is prettier, don’t you?”

“I do,” you confirmed.

Neal gently put the taaffeite to the side and picked up the alexandrite you’d put down. You perked up. “Alright. This isn’t a rare coloring, it’s got a flaw running the side. But something like this, it could still go for fifteen, maybe twenty.” He put it with the taaffeite, which made you smile excitedly. You were allowed to be excited about holding pretty gems. This was probably the only time you’d ever be able to so much as look at them for free, much less model them on your body.

Since he’d been sweet enough to bend his criteria just a little to let you wear your favorite one, you shut up and smiled at all of the others he selected, too. In the end, you had realized there were well over a million dollars there on that tray, hence Peter’s presence and the antsiness of the agent against the wall who’d brought them out. Neal chose a little over a hundred thousand dollars’ worth of gemstones to attract smugglers of this particular tier.

“You’ve been holding out on me, Peter,” Neal said with obvious glee as he stripped off his gloves, all the gems safely stored in soft velvet bags.

“I’d hoped I’d never have to tell you this stash exists,” Peter moaned. “Next thing we know, we’re robbed blind and you’re halfway to India.”

Neal looked up and shot Peter a glare. It was almost alarmingly quickly that Neal’s aggravated expression turned much lighter and almost exasperated, but you hadn’t missed that split-second before he covered it up. The artist didn’t appreciate the accusations. At all. And hell, you couldn’t blame him – Peter didn’t sound like he was joking, because he wasn’t laughing with Neal, he was just shoving his nose back in the fact that he had a record and his own coworkers didn’t trust him.

Catching that look on your friend’s face, finally, after months of looking for it, made something held tight inside of you snap. Your friend was hurting. Neal hated that the people he had no choice but to be around treated him like he was going to do exactly what Peter said: rob them blind and run to the other side of the planet. You’d known him long enough to know that the artist valued his own integrity. His moral code was a little different from yours, but he had no interest in backstabbing the people he had worked with for years. And in those same years, he had proven the same, despite every opportunity to make them look bad – only for the accusations never to stop. For the trust never to be earned. For the respect to be revoked the moment they felt irritated or embarrassed.

“Why do you always have to hold his conviction over his head?” You blurted out hotly, fisting your hands at your sides. “Exactly what does he have to do to prove he’s not looking to screw you over at any chance? Because I’ve only been here a few months and I’m sick of it – and none of the snide little comments are even directed at me!”

“Y/N,” Neal said, voice as soft as his expression as he looked towards you and warned you down.

“No,” you said to him, firmly. “It’s okay.” And then, so he didn’t feel like you were making some grand gesture, you made it clear that, although you cared about Neal and were upset on his behalf, this wasn’t some show of loyalty or concern. “We’re supposed to have principles. Treat people as innocent until proven otherwise. The one thing Neal was actually convicted of is someone the one thing I haven’t heard anyone accuse him of! Is that really the dynamic we want the bureau to share with our consultants? Jeez, Peter – if the bureau’s supposed to operate as a bunch of overpowered bullies, I’ll surrender my badge and gun right here!”

The words were out of your mouth before you thought them through, but, you realized, you fully meant them. You loved the work you were doing. You couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But you’d seen your friend be nearly shot or stabbed or even speared with an arrow that one time, and Neal didn’t have a say in any of it. Not only was he not treated with the basic respect and autonomy of a civilian, but he was constantly harangued and picked at over water that should’ve gone under the bridge ages ago. If you were him, you would’ve lost your mind long before now, and this had presumably been going on long before you transferred into the division.

“Y/N,” Neal said, again, with quiet dismay.

Peter looked absolutely startled that you were arguing with him, especially over what he’d thought was a one-off complaint. As you went on, particularly nailing him on the argument of moral behavior, he almost went pale, eyes looking to Neal with concern. You knew that Peter truly cared about his CI. Maybe getting snapped at in turn was what it would take for him to see that he wasn’t acting like a friend or a mentor at all.

“I –“ Peter stopped, paused to think intently to himself, and shook his head slightly. He cleared his throat. “You’re right. That is how I’ve been behaving, and it isn’t the way this is meant to be.” He turned to Neal, seemed to fumble for a minute like he wasn’t sure what to say, and then tightened his jaw, figuring it out. “Neal. I’m sorry if how I’ve behaved has hurt you. There’s a difference between keeping you in check and putting you down.”

On your part, you were surprised, albeit very pleasantly so, that Peter was owning up to it like a man instead of retaliating against a junior agent. Neal looked stunned that anything had come of this comment at all, and answered as if dazed. “I never said…”

“You shouldn’t have had to,” Peter said emphatically. “Y/N is right. I’ve been beating a dead horse. I don’t think I’m the only one. That needs to stop… you’re part of this team, too.”

The rest of the day was indescribably awkward. Peter authorized the agents in evidence to keep the gems that you would use for your op separate from the rest so that you could easily retrieve them when they were needed. Then he called Diana and Clinton into his office for a couple minutes, leaving yourself and Neal in the bullpen. It was only for a couple of minutes, but by the subdued way that both Diana and Clinton made their way to Neal one after the other, you could surmise Peter pointed out exactly what you had. It wasn’t the whole division, but it was a start. A good one, too – it was heartening to know your coworkers were the kind of people who would apologize for poor behavior.

Neal came to you before the end of the day. He had this look on his face that you’d seen in a mirror when you couldn’t quite believe what had happened. “You didn’t have to do any of that,” he said quietly, leaning over your desk to you and putting a hand lightly on your knee.

You gave him a small smile. It had been weighing on you for a while, so it was a relief to have it off of your chest – and all the better, it looked like it actually made a difference and improved the workplace for him. “I’m glad I did, though.”

~~~

A/N: Whew, glad to have this request out! I don't know why, but I kept getting stuck in places. Anyway... drop a comment if you want to join the Lawmen and Conmen Discord, and keep an eye out for more stuff soon!

#oneshot #the transfer #requested #lawmen and conmen #white collar #white collar x reader #peter burke #neal caffrey #neal caffrey x reader #x reader #reader insert #fbi reader #friendship #definitely could be read as more

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hephaestuscrew · 6 months

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The role of Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual in the characterisation, symbolism, and themes of Wolf 359

TL;DR: The DSSPPM is used as a tool to help establish and develop Minkowski and Eiffel as characters: Minkowski as a strict Commander who clings to the certainty provided by a rigid source of authority like the DSSPPM, and Eiffel as the anti-authority slacker who strongly objects to the idea that he ought to read the manual. The way their contrasting attitudes towards the DSSPPM manifest through the show reflect their character development and changing dynamic. The DSSPPM can be directly used against the protagonists by those with power over them, and the reveal of its authorship gives a particularly sinister edge to its regular presence in the show. But it can be also be repurposed and seen through an individual interpersonal lens.

Note: There’s plenty that you could say about the DSSPPM through the lens of what it says about Goddard Futuristics as an organisation, or about Pryce and Cutter as people. Or you could talk about Lambert quoting the DSSPPM an absurd number of times in Change of Mind, and Lovelace’s reactions to this. But in this essay, I’ll be analysing on mentions of the DSSPPM with a focus on Minkowski, Eiffel, and their dynamic.

“One of those mandatory mission training things”: the DSSPPM as a tool to establish characterisation

The first mention of Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual (the DSSPPM) in Wolf 359 is also the very first interaction we hear Eiffel and Minkowski have. In fact, the first time we hear Minkowski's voice at all is her telling Eiffel off for not having read the manual:

[Ep1 Succulent Rat-Killing Tar] MINKOWSKI Eiffel, did you read your copy of Pryce and Carter? EIFFEL My copy of what? MINKOWSKI Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual. EIFFEL Was that one of those mandatory mission training things? MINKOWSKI Yes. EIFFEL In that case, yes, I definitely did. MINKOWSKI Did you now? Because I happened to find your copy of the D.S.S.P.P.M. floating in the observation deck. EIFFEL Oh? MINKOWSKI Still in its plastic wrapping.

This is an effective way to establish their conflicting personalities right out of the gate. Minkowski's determination to "do things by the book - this book in fact" contrasts clearly with Eiffel's professed ignorance about and clear disregard for "this... Jimmy Carter thing”. Purely through their attitudes to this one book, they slot easily into clear archetypes which inevitably clash. Everything about Eiffel in that opening episode sets him up as a slacker who doesn't care about authority, but the image of his mandatory mission training manual floating in the observation deck "still in its plastic wrapping" provides a particularly striking illustration.

By contrast, we immediately encounter Minkowski as a strict leader who cares deeply about making sure everything is done according to protocol; the intense importance she places on the DSSPPM is one of the very first things we know about her. Her insistence on the importance of the survival manual might seem somewhat understandable at first, if perhaps unhelpfully aggressive, but it starts to feel less sensible as soon as we start to hear some of the tips from this manual:

Deep Space Survival Tip Number Five: Remain positive at all times. Maintain a cheerful attitude even in the face of adversity. Remember: when you are smiling the whole world smiles with you, but when you're crying you're in violation of fleet-wide morale codes and should report to your superior officer for disciplinary action.

The strange, controlling, vaguely sinister tone of some of the tips we hear in the first episode is largely played for laughs, emphasised by the exaggeratedly upbeat manner in which Hera reads them. But even these first few tips give us some initial suggestions that the powers behind this mission might not care all that much about the wellbeing of their crew members.

It says something about Minkowski that she places such faith and importance in a book which says things like "Failing to remain calm, could result in your grisly, gruesome death" and "when you're crying you're in violation of fleet-wide morale codes and should report to your superior officer for disciplinary action." (Foreshadowing the Hephaestus Station as the home of immense emotional repression and compartmentalising...) Having those kind of pressures and demands placed on her (and those around her) by people above her in the military hierarchy doesn’t unsettle Minkowski.

Eiffel groans and sighs as he listens to the tips, but Minkowski seems to see this manual as an essential source of wisdom. The main role the manual plays in this episode is to establish Minkowski and Eiffel as contrasting characters with very different approaches to authority and therefore a potential to clash.

When Minkowski demands that Eiffel reads the DSSPPM, he decides to get Hera to read it to him, asking her to keep this as “a 'just the two of us, totally secret, never tell Commander Minkowski' thing”. Eiffel seems convinced that Minkowski won't be happy with him listening to Hera read the DSSPPM rather than reading it himself. This suggests that (at least in Eiffel's interpretation) Minkowski’s orders are not just about her wanting him to know the contents of the manual, since this could theoretically be accomplished just as well by him listening to it. But she wants him to do things in what she’s deemed to be the correct way, to put in the right amount of effort, and not to take what she might see as a shortcut. It’s not just about the contents of the manual; it’s about the commitment to protocol that reading it represents.

“When in doubt: whip it out”: Hilbert’s use of the DSSPPM

In Season 1, the DSSPPM isn't purely associated with Minkowski. Hilbert actually quotes it more than she does in the first few episodes. In Ep2 Little Revolución, Hilbert's response to Eiffel's toothpaste protest is inspired by "Pryce and Carter six fourteen: “When in doubt, whip it out - ‘it’ being hydrochloric acid.”" This tip is absurd in a more direct obvious way than those we heard in Ep1. While this absurdity is partly for humour, it also casts further doubt on the usefulness of this supposedly authoritative survival manual, and therefore on the wisdom of trusting Command.

In Ep4 Cataracts and Hurricanoes, Hilbert starts to quote Tip #4 at Eiffel, who protests "I'm not gonna have one of the last things I hear be some crap from the survival manual". These moments again place Eiffel in clear opposition to the DSSPPM, but also suggest that Hilbert's attitude towards the DSSPPM - and therefore towards Command - is closer to Minkowski's than to Eiffel's.

When Hilbert turns on the Hephaestus crew in his Christmas mutiny, his allegiance to Command is revealed as dangerous. And here the DSSPPM comes up again. As Minkowski dissolves the door between her and Hilbert, she triumphantly echoes his own words back to him: "Pryce and Carter six fourteen: “When in doubt, whip it out - ‘it’ being hydrochloric acid.” Never. Fails." This provides a callback to a previous, more comedic conflict on the Hephaestus, and reminds the listener of a time when Minkowski and Hilbert were working together against Eiffel, in contrast to the current situation of Minkowski and Eiffel versus Hilbert. But it also shows that Minkowski, like Hilbert, is capable of using some of the more absurd DSSPPM tips to defeat an adversary. And it shows Minkowski leaning on those tips in a real moment of crisis.

Once Hilbert has betrayed the crew in order to follow orders from Command, we might look back on his quoting of the DSSPPM as casting the manual in a more sinister light, and again calling into question the wisdom of Minkowski placing such trust in it.

“It's not that I don't believe it, I'm just disgusted by it”: the DSSPPM as an indicator of a changing dynamic

The next mention of the DSSPPM is in Ep17 Bach to the Future:

MINKOWSKI Eiffel's been spot-testing me, Hera. He doesn't believe that I've memorized all of the survival tips in Pryce and Carter. EIFFEL It's not that I don't believe it, I'm just disgusted by it. I keep hoping to discover it's not true. MINKOWSKI Well, believe as little as you want, doesn't change the fact that I do know them. And so should you!

I think this provides an interesting illustration of the way in which Minkowski and Eiffel’s dynamic has developed since Ep1. They still have deeply contrasting attitudes to the DSSPPM, but this contrast is now a source of entertainment between them, rather than merely of conflict.

Given that Hera wasn’t aware of Eiffel testing Minkowski on the tips, we can guess that it’s a game they came up with while Hera was offline. In the midst of all the exhaustion and uncertainty and fear they were dealing with after Hilbert’s mutiny, this was a way they found to pass the time. It must have been Eiffel who suggested it; Minkowski cites his disbelief as the reason for the spot-testing. And yet she plays along, responding each time, even though this activity has no real productive value.

Minkowski is keen to demonstrate that she does know the tips and she emphasises that Eiffel ought to know them too, but their interactions about the DSSPPM in this episode have none of the genuine irritation and frustration that they displayed in Ep1. It feels almost playful and teasing. Eiffel still thinks Minkowski is "completely insane" for learning all the tips and is "disgusted" by her commitment to memorising them, but these comments feel much closer to joking about a friend's weird traits than to insulting a hated coworker's personality. It feels like something has shifted since Eiffel responded to Minkowski’s passion for the DSSPPM by saying “I'm so glad that your shrivelled husk of a dictator's heart is as warm as a decompression chamber”.

Another thing to note here is that Minkowski's respect for the DSSPPM has clearly survived Hilbert's Christmas mutiny and Minkowski's resulting distrust of Command. From Hilbert's behaviour at Christmas, it's clear that the crew's survival is not at the top of Command's priority list. But Minkowski still trusts the book that Command told her to read. She still thinks Eiffel should read it too. The main figures of authority above her are dangerous and untrustworthy, but she still clings to the source of guidance they provided her with.

It's also worth noting that Minkowski has not just learnt the advice in each of the 1001 tips, but she has memorised (nearly) all of them by number. If it was just about the information that the manual provides to inform responses to potentially life-or-death situations, then knowing the numbers wouldn't be necessary. Nor would it be particularly useful to know them all exactly word-for-word. Minkowski's reliance on the DSSPPM is again suggested to be about more than the potential practical use of its content. It's about showing that she is committed and disciplined and up to the task of leading. She does have some awareness of the strangeness of many of the tips, but this doesn't diminish the value of her adherence to the manual for her:

EIFFEL You're insane. MINKOWSKI I'm disciplined. Although I will admit they do get more... esoteric as you go higher up the list.

There's only one tip Minkowski doesn't seem to remember, and that's revealing too:

EIFFEL 555? Minkowski DRAWS BREATH - and STOPS SHORT. [...] MINKOWSKI Hold on a second, I know this. (beat) Dammit. EIFFEL Hey, look at that! Looks like there may be hope for you yet. MINKOWSKI Quiet, Eiffel. Hera, what's D.S.S.P.P.M. 555? HERA "Good communication habits are key to continued subsistence. Be in touch with other crew members about shipboard activities. Interfacing about possible problems or dangers is the best way to anticipate and prevent them." This hangs in the air for a second. Then – EIFFEL So you forget the one tip in the entire manual that's actually helpful? MINKOWSKI Shut up.

Communication is a key theme of this show, so it’s interesting that this is the one tip Minkowski can’t remember, perhaps indicating an aspect of leadership and teamwork that she doesn’t always prioritise or find easy.

Eiffel saying “Looks like there may be hope for you yet” seems like just a throwaway teasing line, but it’s got a profound edge to it. A lot of Minkowski’s arc is about learning how to provide her own direction and support her crew outside of the systems of authority and hierarchy that she’s grown so attached to. So perhaps Eiffel is right to see a kind of hope in her failure to remember every single DSSPPM tip – she has the potential to break free of her reliance on external authority.

“Which one was 897, what was the exact phrasing of that Deep Space Survival Tip?”: the DSSPPM in interactions with Cutter

The Wolf 359 liveshow, Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol, is literally named after the manual. This suggests, before we’ve even heard/watched the episode, that the DSSPPM will be a key symbol here. Which is interesting because I'd say the liveshow has two main plot points: (a) Eiffel's failure to read the DSSPPM or follow orders in general, the resulting disruption to the mission, and his crewmates' frustration with this; and (b) the looming threat of Cutter, the necessity of keeping information from Command, and the risk of fatal mission termination.

Even without the knowledge that Cutter is one of the co-authors of the DSSPPM (which neither the Hephaestus crew nor a first-time listener knows at this point), there's a kind of irony in the contrast between these two plotlines. On the one hand, Minkowski repeatedly berates Eiffel for not having read Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual, which was made mandatory by Command. On the other hand, she is aware that Command in general - and Cutter specifically - represents the biggest threat to the safety and survival of her crew.

Cutter uses the DSSPPM against each of the Hephaestus crew in their one-on-one conversations with him. For Minkowski, he uses it as a way of emphasising the expectations and responsibility placed on her:

MINKOWSKI There are always gaps between expectation and reality, but-- CUTTER But it's our job as leaders to close that gap, isn't it? Pryce and Carter...? MINKOWSKI 414, yes. Yes, sir, I know.

Cutter knows that Minkowski will know those tips and he knows abiding by them is important to her. She's quick to demonstrate her knowledge of the DSSPPM and agree with the tip. There's something deeply sinister to me about Cutter's use of the word 'our' here. His phrasing includes them both as leaders who should be ensuring that things are exactly as expected. It’s almost a kind of flattery at her authority, but it comes with impossibly high expectations. This way of emphasising the importance and responsibilities of her role as Commander is a targeted strategy by Cutter at manipulating Minkowski, designed to appeal to her values.

In Hera's one-on-one, Cutter uses a DSSPPM tip to interpret her behaviour and claim that he can read her motives:

CUTTER This thing you're doing. Asking questions while you get your bearings. HERA Sir, I'm just curious about-- CUTTER Pryce and Carter 588: Shows of courtesy and polite queries are an efficient way to gain time necessary to strategize.

Unlike with Minkowski (or Eiffel), Cutter doesn't prompt Hera to demonstrate her knowledge of the manual. That wouldn't work as a power play against Hera, who would be able to recall the manual (or, rather, retrieve the file, however that distinction works within her memory) but who doesn't care about the DSSPPM like Minkowski does. Instead, Cutter implies that Hera’s behaviour can be predicted - or at the very least seen through - by the DSSPPM, which seems like a cruel attempt by Cutter at belittling her.

For Eiffel, Cutter uses the manual as a weapon in a different way again. He asks Eiffel, "which one was 897, what was the exact phrasing of that Deep Space Survival Tip?", something which Eiffel clearly doesn't know, but Cutter of course does. This puts Eiffel on the back foot, trying to defend and justify himself, allowing Cutter to emphasise his position of power yet again.

The DSSPPM plays a double role in the liveshow. On the one hand, as Minkowski reminds Eiffel, proper knowledge of the manual "would've saved [the crew] from these problems with the nav computer" – some of the tips can potentially save the crew a great deal of hassle, stress, and risk. On the other hand, the same manual is used by Cutter to manipulate, unsettle, and intimidate the crew. There are these two sides to the information given to the crew by Command - two sides to the manual which Minkowski still values.

In another duality for the DSSPM, the manual is sometimes used as a symbol of the relationship between the crew members and Command, and sometimes used to indicate the dynamics between the individual crew members, usually Minkowski and Eiffel. Before Cutter’s appearance in the liveshow, Minkowski and Eiffel’s discussions of the DSSPPM reflect interpersonal disagreements between two people with fundamentally different attitudes:

MINKOWSKI Oh come on, why do you think I keep trying to get you to go over these things? Do you think I enjoy going through them? EIFFEL Yes. MINKOWSKI Well, alright, I do. But this knowledge could save your life.

Minkowski enjoys rules, regulations, and certainty, for their own sake as much as for any practical usefulness. Eiffel very much does not. This is a simple clash of individuals, in which the link between the DSSPPM and Command is implicit. Minkowski doesn't seem to question the idea that the information in the DSSPPM is potentially life-saving, even though she knows Command don't care about their lives. But Cutter’s repeated references to the DSSPPM remind us who made that book a mandatory part of mission training – it certainly wasn’t Minkowski, even if she’s often the one attempting to enforce this rule.

At the end of the liveshow, in a desperate attempt to prevent mission termination, Eiffel promises Cutter that he will read the DSSPPM (the liveshow transcript notes that him saying this is "like pulling teeth"), an instance of the manual being used in negotiations between the Hephaestus crew and Command. All Minkowski’s orders weren’t enough to get Eiffel to read that book, but a genuine life-or-death threat might just about be enough. Perhaps it's ironic that Eiffel reads the survival manual out of a desire for survival, not because he thinks the contents of the book will help him survive, but because he’s grasping anything he can offer to buy the crew’s survival from those who created that same book.

In the final scene of the liveshow, Minkowski catches Eiffel reading the DSSPPM, and he fumbles to hide that he's been reading it, a humorous reversal of all the times that he's lied to her that he has read it. Perhaps admitting that he's reading it would be like letting Minkowski win. Minkowski seems to find both surprise and amusement in seeing Eiffel finally reading the manual, but she doesn't push him to admit it. There's some slightly smug but still friendly teasing in the way Minkowski says "were you now?" when Eiffel says that he was just reading something useful. In that final scene, the manual is viewed again through the lens of Minkowski and Eiffel’s dynamic – Command’s relation to the DSSPPM becomes secondary.

“The first thing I'd make damn sure was hard wired into anything that might end up in a situation like this one”: the DSSPPM as a tool of survival

In Ep30 Mayday, when Eiffel is stranded alone on Lovelace’s shuttle, he hallucinates Minkowski to bring him out of his helpless panic and force him into action. And this hallucination also brings with it one of Minkowski’s interests:

MINKOWSKI Eiffel... I worked on this shuttle. Reprogramming that console. EIFFEL So? How does that help – MINKOWSKI Think about it. BEAT. And then he gets it. EIFFEL Oh goddammit. MINKOWSKI What's the first thing that I would do when programming a flight computer? The first thing I'd make damn sure was hard wired into anything that might end up in a situation like this one? EIFFEL Pyrce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual.

Again, a conversation about the DSSPPM gives us an indication of the development of Minkowski and Eiffel’s relationship. Not only does Eiffel imagine Minkowski as a figure of (fairly aggressive) support when he’s stranded and alone, he thinks about what advice she’d give him and he follows it. Rather than dismissing the manual entirely, he looks for tips that are relevant to his situation. He’s not pleased about his hallucinated-Minkowski trying to get him to read the DSSPPM, but that was what his mind gave him in an almost hopeless situation. Some part of him now empathises with Minkowski’s priorities in a way that he definitely wasn’t doing in Ep1. He thinks that the DSSPPM might be on the shuttle because he knows the manual is important to Minkowski. It’s by imagining Minkowski that he gets himself to read the manual in order to see if it can help him survive – he certainly doesn’t think about what Cutter or anyone else from Command would tell him to do.

In the end, the tips Eiffel picks out aren’t all that helpful or informative: “Confront reality head-on”; “In an emergency, take stock of the tools at your disposal. Then take stock again. Restock. Repurpose. Reuse. Recycle."; and “"In times of trouble, an idle mind is your worst enemy”. But Eiffel does use these tips to structure his initial thinking about how to survive on Lovelace’s shuttle. In an almost entirely hopeless situation, Eiffel finds some value in the DSSPPM. But since the tips he picks out are mostly platitudes, the actual wisdom that allows him to survive all comes from his own mind; the tips, like his hallucinations, are just a tool he uses to externalise his process of figuring out what to do.

“Wasn't there something about this in the survival manual?”: Minkowski potentially moving away from the DSSPPM

Given the significance of the DSSPPM in Season 1 and 2 to Minkowski in particular, it feels notable when the manual isn’t referenced. Unless I've missed something (and please let me know if I have), Minkowski – the real one, not Eiffel’s hallucination - doesn't bring up the manual of her own accord at all in Seasons 3 or 4. This might make us wonder if she’s moved away from her trust in and reliance on that book provided by Command.

Perhaps the arrival of the SI-5, which highlights to Minkowski that the chain of command is not a good indicator of trustworthy authority, was the final straw. Or perhaps the apparent loss of Eiffel - and any subsequent questioning of her leadership approach, or realisations about the valuable perspective Eiffel provided - were what finally broke down her faith in that book.

Alternatively, perhaps Minkowski still trusts the DSSPPM as much as ever, but trying to get Eiffel or any of the other crew members to listen to it is a losing battle that she no longer sees as a priority. Either way, Minkowski’s apparent reluctance to bring up the DSSPPM feels like a shift in her approach.

The associations between Minkowski and the DSSPPM are still there in Season 3, but they are raised by other characters, not by Minkowski herself. The manual is used to emphasise Eiffel’s difficulties when he’s put in charge of trying to get Maxwell and Hera to fill out a survey in Ep32 Controlled Demolition. Trying to force other people to be productive pushes Eiffel into some very uncharacteristic behaviour:

EIFFEL Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you? It's like you've never even read Pryce and Carter! Tip #490 very clearly states that – He trails off. After a BEAT – HERA Officer Eiffel? MAXWELL You, uh, all right there? EIFFEL (the horror) What have I become? [...] Eiffel, now wrapped up in a blanket, is next to Lovelace. He is still very clearly shaken. EIFFEL ... and... it was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. I was slowly transforming into Commander Minkowski. [...] It was a nightmare! A terrifying, bureaucratic nightmare!

This is a funny role reversal, but it shows us the strength of Eiffel’s association between Minkowski and the DSSPPM, as well his extreme aversion to finding himself in a strict bureaucratic leadership position. It also suggests that becoming extremely frustrated when trying to get other people to do what you want might make anyone resort to relying on an external source of authority, such as the manual. I don’t know whether this experience helps Eiffel empathise with Minkowski, but perhaps it might give us some insight into how her need for authority and control in the leadership role she occupied might have reinforced her deference to the DSSPPM.

In Ep34, we get a suggestion of another character having a strong association between the DSSPPM and Minkowski. After the discovery of Funzo, Hera asks Minkowski what the manual says about it:

HERA Umm... I don't know if this is a good idea. Lieutenant, wasn't there something about this in the survival manual? MINKOWSKI Pryce and Carter 792: Of all the dangers that you will face in the void of space, nothing compares to the existential terror that is Funzo.

It’s interesting to me that Hera asks Minkowski here. We know from Ep1 that “Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual is among the files [Hera has] access to”. Two possible reasons occur to me for why Hera might ask Minkowski about the DSSPPM tip here. One possibility is that Hera thinks that retrieving the manual from her databanks and finding the correct tip would take her more time than it would take for Minkowski to just remember the tip. Which suggests interesting things about the nature of Hera’s memory, but also implies that - at least in Hera's view -Minkowski’s knowledge of the DSSPPM is more reliable than that of a supercomputer.

The other possibility is that Hera could have recalled the relevant DSSPPM tip incredibly quickly but she doesn’t want to, maybe because she resents having that manual in her head in the first place, or maybe because she wants to show respect for Minkowski’s knowledge as a Commander. Either way, we can see that Hera – like Eiffel – strongly associates Minkowski with the DSSPPM.

And Minkowski, even if she wasn’t the one to bring up the manual here, recalls the relevant tip immediately. Perhaps she is moving away from her trust in that manual, but everything that she learned as part of her old deference to the authority of Command is still there in her head. She might want to forget it by the end of the mission, but that’s not easily achieved. The way Minkowski’s friends/crewmates associate the manual with her emphasises the difficulty she’ll face if she tries to move away from it.

“One thousand and one pains in my ass”: The authorship of the DSSPPM

In Ep55 A Place for Everything, Eiffel effectively expresses his long-held dislike of the DSSPPM when he comes face-to-face with both of its authors:

EIFFEL What? What the hell are - wait a minute - Pryce? As in one thousand and one pains in my ass, Pryce? (sudden realization) Which... makes you...? MR. CUTTER (holding out his hand) W.S. Carter, pleased to meet you.

It’s significant that the two ‘big bads’ of the whole series are the authors of the manual which Minkowski and Eiffel were bickering about all the way back in Ep1. It’s not the only way in which the message of this show positions itself firmly against just accepting externally imposed authority and hierarchy without question or evidence, but it does reinforce this ethos.

By being the authors of the manual, Cutter and Pryce have had a sinister hidden presence throughout the show. Long before we know who Pryce is and even before we hear Cutter’s name, their manual is there, occupying a prominent place in Minkowski’s motivations and priorities, and in her arguments with Eiffel. It’s not at all comparable to what Pryce put in Hera’s mind, but it is another way in which these antagonists have wormed their way into the heads of our protagonists.

Minkowski will have to come to terms with the fact that the 1001 tips she spent hours memorising and reciting were written by two people who would have killed her, her crew, and even the whole human race without hesitation if it served their purposes. We never get to hear Minkowski’s reaction to learning the identities of Pryce and Carter, but I think processing the role of their manual in her life will be a long and difficult road that’ll tie into a lot of other emotional processing she needs to do. Her assertion to Cutter that, without him, she is “Renée Minkowski... and that is more than enough to kick your ass!” feels like part of that journey. She doesn’t mention the DSSPPM at all in Season 4. She’s growing beyond it.

"Doug Eiffel's Deep Space Survival Guide": The DSSPPM as a weapon against those who wrote it

Last but not least, I couldn’t write about Eiffel and the DSSPPM without mentioning this scene from Ep58 Quiet, Please:

EIFFEL As someone once told me: "Pryce and Carter 754: In an emergency, take stock of the tools at your disposal, then take stock again. Repurpose, reuse, recycle." And right now? You know what I got? I got this lighter from when Cutter was using me as his personal cabana boy. [...] and I've got myself this big, fat copy of the Deep Space Survival Manual, and you know what I'm gonna do with it? [...] Eiffel STRIKES THE LIGHTER. And LIGHTS THE BOOK ON FIRE, revealing Pryce just a few feet away from him! EIFFEL I am going to repurpose it... and reuse it... and recycle it into a GIANT FIREBALL OF DEATH! And he swings the flaming book forward, HITTING PRYCE ON THE SIDE OF THE HEAD. [...] EIFFEL That's right! Doug Eiffel's Deep Space Survival Guide, B-

No one other than Doug Eiffel could pull off the chaotic energy of this moment. It doesn’t get much more anti-authority than lighting the mandatory mission manual on fire and using it as a weapon against one of its malevolent authors. It might not be the wisest move safety-wise, and it certainly doesn’t improve the situation when the node gets jettisoned into space. But there is still a powerful symbolism in taking a symbol of the hierarchical forces that have tried to constrain you for years and setting it alight to fight back against those forces. Eiffel takes his own approach to survival and puts his own name into the title, an assertion of his agency and rejection of Command's authority.

The DSSPPM tip that he uses here is one of those he considers when stranded on Lovelace’s shuttle. It’s understandable that after that experience it might have stuck in his memory.

I can’t help feeling that the line “as someone once told me” has a double meaning here. The immediate implication is to interpret “someone” as being Pryce and Cutter – it’s their manual after all – which makes this line a fairly effective ‘fuck you’ gesture, emphasising how Eiffel is using Pryce’s manual against her in both an abstract and a physical sense.

But I think “someone” could also mean Minkowski. Eiffel uses a singular rather than plural term, there’s already an association established between Minkowski and the DSSPPM, and, in Mayday, it’s his hallucination of Minkowski that gets him to read this tip. She's probably also recited this tip to him at other points as well. Under this interpretation, this line is as much a gesture of solidarity with Minkowski as it is a taunt to Pryce. I like the idea that these two interpretations can run alongside each other, reflecting the duality of the use of the DSSPPM that I talked about in relation to the liveshow.

Conclusion

The DSSPPM is a symbol of external rules imposed on people by those with power over them. These rules can be strange, arbitrary, and even sinister, but for those with a desire for certainty and control, like Minkowski, they can be tempting. And they can have their uses, as well as the potential to be repurposed. Attitudes towards these rules provide an effective shorthand as part of Minkowski and Eiffel’s characterisation. And the clash between these attitudes, and how that clash manifests, can tell us something about how the dynamic between those characters develops and changes.

#Wolf 359 #w359 #Renee Minkowski #Doug Eiffel #Renée Minkowski #I guess I lied when I said I was halfway through at 1000 words #I hope that those who liked my preview post were up for a long read #This is over 5000 words and I still haven't said everything!#You could write a PhD thesis on this #Honestly I feel like this is full of typos and mistakes cos I was kinda tired as I proofread it but I just want to get it posted today #Otherwise I could spend even more time on it and make it even longer... (and also I want it to be out in the world)#But please do lmk if you spot a typo/mistake. I won't be offended #I'd also be interested to hear people's thoughts on any of this #Unimportant point but I'm shaking my head at Minkowski if she wouldn't let Eiffel listen to the DSSPPM instead of reading it #Audiobooks are a valid method of reading. Don't deny a man with ADHD his own approach to absorbing info!#Then again. it might have been an unfounded assumption of Eiffel's that Minkowski wouldn't have accepted him listening to it #I think in school he definitely got in trouble for boasting that he's actually read the book this time when he just watched the film #the empty man posteth

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