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heesdreamer · 1 year

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SILENCED (2)

MASTERLIST

GENRE ➩ enhypen zombie apocalypse au!

SUMMARY ➩ navigating life 1 year post end of the world was already difficult as you avoided rotting corpses with hefty appetites and groups with various bad intentions. things get harder when you run into a group of survivors, 7 boys who make it impossible to run away.

WC ➩ 5k

WARNINGS ➩ everything the zombie apocalypse could bring lol, gore, mentions of death and injuries and lots of talk abt starvation and hunger this time around

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ this is a really short update but it was starting to bug me the longer it sat in my notes so i hope short is better than nothing. not proofread as always

Even small trips weren’t easy in the apocalypse. Runs to grocery stores could be the last thing you ever do and getting a few hours away could take weeks as you navigated rocky terrains and avoided uncrossable areas.

Transportation was something you’d taken for granted back then before the world had fallen apart.

You can remember tapping your foot impatiently against the subway station floor, arms crossed as you huffed and checked your watch for the umpteenth time. Maybe you were running late for school or you had just gotten off of work and wanted to get home fast so you could eat something.

Thinking about this now you felt utterly ridiculous, spoiled and sheltered from how good you truly had things.

But it wasn’t you alone who had these trivial problems and you considered that too as you walked with the group of boys, trailing behind a few feet but never left unattended considering they kept looking back to make sure you hadn’t disappeared into the woods at some point.

You wondered if you’d ever been somewhere at the same time as them. Seoul was big but it wasn’t spacious enough that this was totally an impossible thing to have happened. Maybe they’d been on the same train as you at some point, leaving school together and crowding around each other as they pulled playing cards.

It wasn’t a complete far fetched idea that you could have passed Jungwon on a crowded street when you went to get lunch or narrowly missed Heeseung as he rushed to an appointment he was late too.

You didn’t like to think about them like this, as people who all had lives and families before this all happened. You didn’t even like to think of yourself this way, chest tightening with the reminder of how much you’ve lost as this world changed.

It’d been days now since the camp had gotten overrun and you’d practically spent the last 72 hours straight doing nothing but walking. The straightest route to your destination hadn’t been safe enough to travel through, adding even more time onto the walk.

Most of it had been quiet, only hearing the boys speak in hushed whispers to each other every so often. It was hard to hold a conversation when you were all exhausted and hungry, running on autopilot and the fear filled adrenaline that built up every time the sun started to set.

Heeseung had been the quietest of everybody and he barely looked at the rest of you, his gaze sharp and focused as he continually scanned the surrounding areas. You thought back to your talk, the responsibility he held on his shoulders and you felt troubled for him now that such a major setback had occurred, now that their only home was gone.

He was closest to you as you lagged behind the group, keeping his eye on the boys ahead of him as the trudged along.

You were picking up your pace to catch up to him before you even confirmed within yourself it was a good idea, slowing back to a casual pace once you were side by side and reaching your hand out to gently tug on the sleeve of his long shirt. His eyes were shooting down to the point of contact and then back up at you with a frown.

“Hey.” You breathed out, trying to calm him down before you made your request. His eyes softened just slightly at the sound of your voice and he raised an eyebrow. “If we find somewhere safe to stop and rest for a few hours I can go try to get us something to eat.”

He watched you as you spoke and you knew he didn’t like your suggestion judging by the way his face hardened again, his jaw tensing as he scoffed and looked away from you. You figured he thought this was you finally putting your plan into action, leading them into the wilderness just to ditch them.

“I’m serious.” You had kept your hand on his sleeve still as you spoke and only now moved it, wrapping it fully around his arm so he could understand your earnest words. “They can’t go on like this much longer.”

He looked back over at you as you said that and you felt guilty at the sad expression on his face, knowing he had been thinking the same thing.

It must’ve been impossible for him to deal with the past few days, watching his family and the boys he was meant to lead barely make it through the day. The younger boys were stumbling as they walked, holding each others shoulders occasionally in an attempt to keep steady under their own crippling weight.

“Where’s safe?” He was genuinely asking but his voice broke around the word, already hoarse from not using it or having anything to drink. He sounded disbelieving that it was a possibility and he staggered slightly, knocking into your side.

Sunghoon had been lurking a few feet ahead and hearing this conversation he slowed a bit, letting you and Heeseung catch up as he leaned towards the two of you. “There’s a neighborhood or something up the ways a bit.” His tone was low so the other boys couldn’t pick it up.

You gave him a questioning look and he glared at you, eyes shooting down to your hand on Heeseung’s arm and your close proximity. “I saw it on the map.”

Heeseung nodded at his explanation and pat his back a few times in thanks, walking away from the two of you to alert the others you’d be stopping soon for a bit.

You had expected Sunghoon to follow him or at least drift back to his previous position, furthering himself away from you. It surprised you a bit when he continued to stand next to you but the look on his face didn’t, a suspicious glare as he watched you with no sign of care at your uncomfortable shifting.

“Something on your mind Sunghoon?” You were mumbling in irritation. You didn’t expect to become best friends but you hadn’t done anything to warrant him treating you like a criminal.

“Why are you still here?” He was saying it quickly like it had been on the tip of his tongue and you looked at him from the corner of your eye. “What are you planning?”

“I’m not planning anything.” You scoffed and took an offended step away from him, stopping in your slow pace. “And in case you forgot, I wasn’t given a choice in being here.”

He was stopping too and turning to look at you, sparing a glance behind him at the other boys who had continued walking. They weren’t going fast enough to leave you behind and the road was a straight shot surrounded by trees and no connected off paths so you wouldn’t lose them by stopping.

When he was facing you again he looked more angry and if you didn’t know any better you’d consider him a threat right now, a danger to you. However you’d seen the way he interacted with the group, with the dead even, and he wasn’t any issue. He was more gentle than he appeared regardless if he disliked you and was frustrated.

“Don’t bullshit me. You could’ve left if you wanted to, don’t be stupid.” He was shaking his head and you gave him a confused look so he explained further. “You didn’t even try to get away from them, no tears no questions. I can tell you’re smart and good at this world so I know you can tell the difference between a good person and a bad one.”

“Then what’s your problem with me?” You spat at him and cut him off, not wanting him to say more.

You could tell he was the most observant of the group but you didn’t like what he was implying. Your stomach turned at the thought of him seeing how much you didn’t necessarily want to be alone again, despite knowing it was the best option in the long run.

If you were alone you wouldn’t need to worry about things like this. You wouldn’t have to think about feeding them before you fed yourself because there would be no ache in your heart at the thought of them going hungry.

“My problem?” He was sneering but his voice was desperate like he wanted you to understand his point. “My problem is how excited Riki is to have a friend to talk to. My problem is that Sunoo basically thinks he owes you his life for getting you into this situation in the first place and my problem is that you aren’t going to stay.”

You both fell silent after that and he looked away from you, visibly upset and frustrated at the idea of you disappearing before you got to the place you’d showed them.

He flinched when he looked at you and saw your lips opening and closing, parting as you tried to think of something you could tell him that wouldn’t give him false hope but you also didn’t want to lie to him. Despite his wincing he waited patiently to hear what you had to say.

“Tell Heeseung I’ll catch up with you guys.” You muttered back and he watched in bewilderment as you turned and disappeared into the woods.

——

It took you an hour to stop replaying the conversation in your mind and you were glad considering you hadn’t managed to catch anything since leaving the boys on the road.

Part of you was laughing at the fact that, here you were. In the woods with full freedom and capability to disappear and never come back and yet you were sat crouching behind a log as you attempted to get them all something to eat. You quieted the voice with the reminder you could leave whenever you wanted and you would, you just didn’t want to leave them hungry and lost.

That’s all this was, you kept telling yourself over and over as you continued to track whatever animal was leaving small footprints in the dry dirt.

This was simply you being a decent person, not letting the apocalypse shred you of your morals and humanity. It wasn’t because you were starting to grow used to the boys, starting to care about them and their safety as individuals and a whole.

You’d finally caught sight of the animal as you slowed to a stop, a hefty raccoon shifting over some sticks and rocks just off in the distance. It hadn’t noticed you yet and you were glad for this considering you only had a knife to work with.

Before you could make any attempt at approaching in, steadily planning out the right angle to pounce forward, it was falling on its side and hitting the floor with a cry and a thud.

Your eyes widened in surprise, rushing forward to see what had happened to it. It’s face was bloody and you quickly realized it had been shot in the head by something, more accurately someone. You knew who it was before you turned around to check.

“You’re a good shot.” You sighed as you spoke and glanced over your shoulder to see Jungwon stepping out from behind the tree.

He was definitely the most skilled when it came to weapons, especially in accuracy and you’d quickly noted a few days ago that he was the only boy to have a silencer on his gun of choice. You knew it was him considering the fact there’d been little noise as he killed the animal.

“Took archery in highschool.” He shrugged like it was a casual skill to have as he approached you and the raccoon. “Guess I don’t have to tell you about that though do I?”

For a second you weren’t sure what he was referring to before you realized he was alluding to the fact you also shot with a bow typically, looking up at him with widened eyes which caused him to give you a half smile as he shrugged again.

“Can tell by the way you carry yourself I guess. Plus you’re a hunter, can’t imagine your weapon of choice is a knife.” He was explaining and he crouched down next to you, examining the animal for any bites or signs of disease.

“If you see any bow shops around here feel free to let me know.” You were mumbling back and he chuckled a small laugh. “They send you out here to follow me?”

He was shaking his head and you were slightly surprised at this considering you assumed he had been tasked with making sure you didn’t run away, potentially bringing you back if you made any attempt to. You were reminded of what Sunghoon had said about being able to leave whenever you wanted.

“I was looking for food just incase.” He didn’t finish his sentence but it was obvious what he was implying. Incase you didn’t return and they still needed to eat something.

Jungwon offered you a hand so he could pull you up off the ground where you were still crouching, you eyed him hesitantly but took it with an appreciative nod and stood slowly after you grabbed the animal by it’s tail in your free hand.

You followed behind him in silence as you made your way back to the road, back to where the boys had set up camp for the night. You tried not to think about what this meant and how you coming back willingly was going to come across to them. They were going to find out what you’d been trying to deny since running into them and your stomach was turning.

By the time you got there, the sun had nearly finished setting and it was almost too dark to see in front of you.

The fire the boys were sat around made you nervous considering how exposed you were and how near the woods lingered, the light and crackle of the flames potentially drawing the undead out of the woods and giving you all a replay of what had happened earlier this week. Four sets of eyes turned towards you when you and Jungwon popped out from the woods.

Heeseung was standing up and coming over to the two of you, patting Jungwon affectionately when he spotted the animal you’d handed to him at some point during your walk back.

“You okay?” Then he was turning to you and your face flushed as he grabbed you, his hands holding onto both your arms directly underneath your shoulders as he scanned your face for any sign of distress.

You were nodding awkwardly but your hands were instinctively coming up to cup around his elbows, leaving you both holding each other at an awkward distance. The other boys must have thought you were crazy as you touched their friend and leader but a large part of you felt connected to him after the auto shop, him having saved your life so directly.

When you both made your way over to the fire, Heeseung was clearing his throat and catching the attention of the older boys and Jungwon, who began to shake Riki and Sunoo awake at the signal for directions.

“We’re going to clear the house on the corner.” Heeseung was speaking in a low voice and you took the opportunity to observe where you were sitting.

The neighborhood, if you could call it that, was only a few run down houses neatly tucked away outside the main road. You imagined it had homed one or two families of rednecks in its prime, roofs titled and covered in roots and leaves. The boys had set up the fire in the middle of the three buildings, seemingly waiting for you all to be here before they entered.

“Shouldn’t we clear them all? Eliminate any potential surprises?” You were shocking yourself and the others as you voiced your suggestion casually.

Heeseung was looking at you with a bewildered look for a few seconds before glancing back towards the houses and nodding in agreement, realizing your idea was better than his.

It wasn’t the most grueling task and you’d cleared areas must bigger than this with much more active dead, yet you still had a sick feeling in your stomach as Heeseung leaned his shoulder against the first door and prepared to ram into. It only took one corpse to end everything and you tried not to think about this as he was pulling back and slamming forward against the decaying wood.

He was stumbling forward into the house and again, you could smell them before you saw or heard them. There was three inside and it looked to be a family, one significantly smaller than the other as it attempted to get closer to Heeseung and take a bit out of him. Jake was moving forward in a rush and taking out the biggest one, axe swinging over his shoulder and landing directly between its eyes with a loud crack.

The second was on its knees before you even processed it and you knew it must’ve been Jungwon from the doorway judging by the way it simply crumbled onto the floor without any fight or noise.

Riki was inside the house and tasked on the third walker, the smallest one that was clearly just barely older than him if at all. She had a large blood stain on the front of his pajama sweater and you tried not to wonder what had happened here that left them all like this, what measures were mistakenly taken to try and prevent them from turning. You didn’t like to think about the walkers being people similarly to the way you didn’t like to think about survivors in the old world, easier to make the separation and get it over with.

You could immediately tell Riki was struggling with doing this judging by the way he was frozen in the middle of the room, watching the corpse approach him.

He was facing away from you so you couldn’t see his expression but you didn’t need to anyways, knowing from his stiff back and hands fidgeting around his crowbar that he was hesitating and hesitating was one of the deadliest things you could possibly do. He had told you before that he didn’t kill as much as the other boys, being kept away from it all the best they could manage up until more recently when they started to take him out to practice in small intervals.

You were moving before you thought about it, circling in front of him and taking out the small corpse as cleanly as you could. You cupped your back of her head as she dropped, motionless now, and you tried to help lower her body onto the floor so the impact wasn’t as upsetting.

“I could’ve done it.” Riki’s voice was sounding behind you and you turned your head to look at him, standing back to your full height and giving him a confused glance once you noticed how agitated his expression was.

Before you could ask him what was wrong, if you’d done something or if maybe he was just upset you’d stepped in on his kill, he was turning on his heel and leaving the small house. You were fearful for a second watching him leave and then you remembered Sunoo, Sunghoon and Jay were just a few feet away at the other house over.

You almost followed him out the door in confusion, wanting to understand what exactly had made him look at you like that just to storm off but you were stopped by Heeseung stepping in front of you, bringing a hand up to your chest to stop your advances completely as he looked down at you with an apologetic glance.

“What happened?” You whispered to him, eyes wide slightly with confusion. The look the youngest boy had given you was deadly and the energy in the house had shifted drastically now. “What did I do wrong?”

“He’s just sensitive about that stuff.” Heeseung mumbled back, keeping his voice low in case the boy was still able to hear just off in the distance. The other boys in the house with you weren’t saying anything and eventually filed out once they realized your conversation was taking a private turn.

“Because I took his kill?” Your voice was cracking with disbelief, not able to understand what he was attempting to get across to you. Riki didn’t seem like the type to have an ego so large it would be damaged by you stepping in for an assisted kill. “It was about to grab him.”

Heeseung was sighing softly like you were poking a bear, glancing over his shoulder out the open door for a second before taking another step closer to you. You didn’t lose your confused expression, eyebrows furrowing further when he was bringing a hand up to gently touch your cheek before pushing a few loose strands of hair behind your ear.

He was clearly trying to soothe you and help you calm down but if anything it upset you further, solidifying it in your mind that you had done something wrong.

“You’ll have to talk to him about it. It’s not my place.” He was eventually continuing on when he realized what he was doing wasn’t working in taking your mind off of it.

You nodded softly and made a mental note to bring it up after things calmed down and you were certain things were safe for the night, vaguely hearing a sharp whistle outside that you’d learned to understand meant things were clear for now. The other boys must’ve cleared the other two houses while you were talking to Heeseung and now you were able to eat and get some rest finally before talking to Riki.

——

The food wasn’t a lot but it was enough to help everybody feel a bit better, passing each other small portions around the fire before retiring into one of the houses to rest.

You all decided to sleep together on the living room floor to minimize the risk that being spread out would being, somebody always staying awake in different shifts to keep watch outside on the porch. You laid in silence while you waited for your turn, knowing you wouldn’t be able to sleep in such a foreign place.

When it was the youngest turn to take watch, you sat and tracked his shadow as he left the dark room and slipped out the front door, mumbling a small greeting to Sunghoon who was finally coming in and joining the rest of the boys who were already asleep. You got up as slowly as you could and gently stepped over the bodies on the floor so you didn’t wake them up from their much needed rest, following Riki outside.

He whipped his head over when the door creaked up and sighed when he saw it was only you slowly closing it behind you. You glanced at him awkwardly and tried to decide wether to stand weirdly or to take the seat next to him on the small outside porch couch and risk upsetting him further.

“Just sit down.” He was mumbling once he noticed your dilemma and you hesitantly took the offer, sitting as far away from him as you could.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the night and the woods while you ignored each other. You weren’t sure if you should speak first but he clearly knew why you followed him out here in the first place so you bit the bullet and started to talk before his shift ended.

“I have a brother around your age.” He picked his head up when you started to speak but you avoided looking at him for now. “You actually remind me of him sometimes, just the way you joke around. You’re a bit braver than him though but I’m sure he would’ve grown out of that eventually, you know? I didn’t mind it though… it came easy to me to take care of him.”

Riki wasn’t saying anything just yet but you could hear his breathing increase and you didn’t feel him looking at you anymore and he slowly understood what point you were trying to get across by opening up to him about this. You wanted him to understand why you did what you had for him and why it was second nature for you to step in like that once you thought he was in danger.

“I never though he was childish or a coward for needing my help sometimes, that’s what big sisters are for.” You took a pause so you could breathe, playing with your hands nervously. “It took him a long time to want to ever ask for it though… just too long I guess.”

You didn’t need to finish or directly say out loud what had happened to your brother, he picked it up as soon as you started talking about him.

He was scooting closer to you on the bench and you felt him grab your hand that was in your lap, stopping you from picking at your skin anxiously. You turned your head to look at him with a sad smile, biting your lip to try and stop from crying when you noticed how equally teary his expression was.

“You could’ve killed that walker.” You stated firmly and he nodded along with you, now fully understanding why you had. “Maybe I just didn’t want you to have to.”

Riki was still nodding and you felt slightly guilty now as you watched tears run down his face, avoiding looking at you again out of embarrassment. You wanted to tell him that it was okay if he wanted to cry, it was okay to still feel things in this world that weren’t fear and hunger but you weren’t sure that was even true so you didn’t dare voice it.

You stayed with him for the rest of his shift and when he eventually started to yawn and lose focus on your surroundings, you reassured him it was okay to go to bed and that you weren’t tired.

He hesitantly was leaving you out there and you although you were glad things were patched up between the two of you for the most part, you also felt a wave of relief over having a moment alone. It wasn’t lost on you that you were being trusted as part of the watch shift cycles, despite the fact you could easily disappear in the night and leave them with no warning if something stumbled upon the sleeping boys.

It was getting harder to deny what you were feeling more and more every passing hour the eight of you survived together.

It had bothered you when Riki was upset with you, deeply bothered you to the point of your skin crawling in nerves that you had done something wrong. You were distraught watching them all face hunger earlier this week and you felt deep sadness when they lost their camp and their home.

You especially didn’t want to consider what it meant that you liked listening to their stories around the fire. You thought Sunghoon was funny even when he didn’t seem like he realized he was telling a joke and it made your heart warm when Sunoo and Jungwon covered the sleeping older boys with blankets.

Heeseung was the worst of all, the most confusing part to all of this. You’d been most fearful of him at the beginning but the more you thought about him and his resolve, his brave heart taking leadership and treating the boys like they were more important than his own safety and survival, the more you liked being in his company.

He made you feel seen and human whenever he turned to ask for your opinion on something and he was surprisingly gentle whenever he spoke to you in hushed whispers or helped you over bits of debris in your pathway.

You liked these boys and you liked their hearts and love for each other that this world was slowly running out of.

Yet you couldn’t stop hearing the screams of your family and others you’d encountered, people you knew for months all the way to people you’d simply passed by on one of your runs. People didn’t last long in this world and it was a miracle that all seven of these boys were still together, still without major injury or setbacks.

Maybe that was the secret trick to it all, maybe their care and love for each other above all else was helping them survive and manage without facing the reality of your loved ones being tore away from you and ripped apart limb by limb.

It still made your stomach hurt to think about any of it though, it was never apart of your plan to care about somebody again after everything you’d lost and you were only feeling more and more certain in your decision to leave as fast as you could.

No matter what it takes.

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frieschan · 1 year

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QUERENCIA, chapter 2

(n.) where one feels home ; the place where you are your most authentic self

pairing - hybrid! ot7 x bunny hybrid! male! reader

genre - 18+, college au, hybrid au, fluff, eventual angst, eventual smut, humour

summary - you, a rabbit hybrid away from home to study, run into a group of surprisingly friendly and calm (also very attractive) predators who are a pack and live together suddenly run into your life like a bulldozer. the dull days of your life may turn into days of joy and laughter, or will the days turn into gloom and a sad everafter?

warnings (this chapter) - another one with mentions of some dark themes..

word count - 2.4k

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Comfort. All you felt was comfort at this moment, you felt arms wrapped around you in a loving and caring way, a calming yet indistinguishable scent flowing to your nose.

You welcomed it, all this felt so right. You could see the kiss of the sun on your skin with a light beeze of the wind hitting you, you wished this could stay forever.

It felt as if you were complete at this moment. You felt so full and loved, so happy and like you were in heaven. This was how life is supposed to be, no worries, no doubt, just love and warmth all throughout.

Suddenly you felt a light brush of lips on your cheek and as you were about to turn around-

Everything had vanished.

You were now left empty, confused, even bamboozled as you open your eyes to the light colored walls of your room.

It was a dream? Damn it, of course it was a dream, you're a single prune with not a mate in sight. Since when did you get THIS touch starved? It's only been around.. 2-3 years since your last relationship?

You had never thought about it much before, you had your mind on other things like family, studies, ice-skating, ballet, and a couple of other things.

Never having an ounce of time to even just oogle and admire other guys on campus had finally taken a toll on you and you were starting to realize it. Maybe Jimin and Jungkook might just be your starvation.

The two are handsome hybrids that are torally your type, surely a small admiration wouldn't hurt anyone? As long as you have your boundaries set, it shouldn't go wrong.

You finally decided to check your alarm clock, it was 8:24 on a Sunday. Having a day-off to just relax and catch up on some shows shouldn’t be too bad, you already studied your butt off the night before yesterday just to be ahead for a few more lessons to remove some of the load. Yeah, you kinda do deserve this 'all about you day'.

Grabbing your phone from the nightstand, you turn it on to be greeted with a few messages from two new people. Opening up the first one, you are greeted with:

Kookie💭at 9:23pm: hey bun-hyung, just got home

Kookie💭at 9:24pm: already asleep? Ballet took a lot out of you lol, sleep well sweets

Kookie💭at 7:34 am: gm, just woke up for my jog, you down for some lunch in the new bistro at around 12? Jimin is gonna come and maybe another one of our guys.

You smiled at the way he remembered about texting you when they got home, the nicknames and invitation was what got a lot of your attention though. Finally deciding to reply to him:

Y/N🐰 at 8:29 am: good mornin' ♡ just woke up, yes I'd love to go out for lunch! Sounds like it'd be a date tbh hahah

Kookie💭 at 8:29 am: hmm? Would you like it to be only us?

Y/N🐰 at 8:29 am: so playful, wolfyboy!!!

Kookie💭 at 8:30 am: very cute sweets, but the lads are really lookin' forward to seein you

Y/N🐰 at 8:30 am: who might this other fellow be? 👀👀

Kookie💭 at 8:30 am: it's a surprise bun, dress smart casual or semi-formal by the way.

A guy that knows you might struggle with knowing what to wear and then telling you the theme on what to wear.. now that's just attractive. He'd sweep anyone off their feet.

In honesty, you were quite surprised at how comfortable Jungkook had gotten with you, not that you minded but you took him as someone who would only do the bare minimum to be polite and friendly to strangers.

You decided to check on what the feline boy could have texted you:

Jimin🐈‍⬛ at 9:26 pm: Kook and I got home safe! Hope the rest of your night is good.

Jimin🐈‍⬛ at 8:34 am: I heard I'll be seeing a bunny later in the afternoon? 😏

You laughed under your breath as you read the message, seems like news spreads fast in their house.

Y/N🐰 at 8:34 am: Indeed, a cute bunny boy will be spotted at the bistro!

Surely flirting here and there wouldn't be too bad? You really couldn't help it, the two were two of the most socially magnetic people you've met and you were honestly hoping a strong friendship would come out of this. Well, not like your heart slightly yearned for a little more than than the title as friends but you are getting a bit ahead of yourself. The love-starved part of your brain taking in the slightest bit.

Now that you had plans to go out in the afternoon, you decided getting out of bed right now would be the best option based on what time it already is. Already thinking about what could be a really good breakfast before you do your whole morning routine since everybody has to take care of themselves always.

11 pm was finally rolling around the corner so you decided it was time to shower, get changed, and get ready, the holy trio before going out.

Since Jungkook had mentioned that you could dress semi-formal or smart casual, you had opted for an outfit that perfectly suited the activity in mind. The outfit consist of an oversized gray sweater on top a white dress shirt, color out of course. You wore dar brown slacks with a black belt and your set of black men’s heeled dress shoes, you were dressing to impress with this outfit. Boosting your self confidence isn't gonna hurt anyone.

After putting everything on and very very very light makeup, mostly just to hide your eyebags, you were finally ready to go out to the bistro. The bistro in question not exactly suitable for a walk, since the distance between the bistro itself and your home was quite far, you decided to go through the metro and commute like a good citizen (and non-driving student)

After a few staircases underground and into the underground metro station, you were in the train on the same route to your bistro. The ride was going to be a bit long, being around 20-30 minutes so you decided to take a look at your surroundings as you leaned on a pole in the train.

Looking around, you found a few hybrids and non-hybrids conversing, them seemingly being in one big group but that wasn't what caught your attention, what caught your attention was a lone gray wolf hybrid sitting on one of the seats.

Noone had taken the seats next to him as if they were scared but what the wolf was currently doing was far from intimidating, same goes for the aura he was emitting. Looking at him, you judged him to be close to 6 feet, with nice and smooth looking black hair that reached his nape. He had rosy lips with sharp eyes as if they were of a dragons but all his attention was on the book in his hands. He was dressed in a comfortable yet smart casual attire, with the color scheme being browns and grays.

You could've looked at him for ages, he looked very peaceful yet gorgeous at the same time. Something in you felt like it wanted to gravitate towards him, want to talk to him maybe. So you did, being an impulsive person you are.

You took the seat next to him and took a small peek to what he could be reading. When you felt his eyes on you, you looked up from the book and to his face. His beauty upclose was completely unmatched comapred to your view earlier.

He greeted you with a soft and polite smile, not really minding the fact that you sat next to him but more so confused on the reason why.

"Ah, you just seemed like a very warm person to talk to, I hope I'm not disturbing you too much, I'm Y/N, a bunny hybrid" You start the conversation, sticking your hand towards him even while sitting down.

The wolf maneuvered his book to be stable enough to be held on one hand before taking your hand and shaking it.

"I'm Namjoon, a Gray wolf, and no you're not, I find your presence quite nice actually." He said while closing his book and setting it on his lap, setting all his attention on you.

"Where are you headed to, if you don't mind me asking?" You asked with a curious glint in your eyes, honestly you were confused where your social confidence came from but it was honestly welcomed.

"I'm just heading to the library to check out some books, potentially borrowing a few to take home if I spot a few interesting ones." Namjoon answered with a grin.

"That's really neat, what’s the title and plot of the book you were reading?"

"Oh, it was a philosophy novel by Osamu Dazai called 'No Longer Human', the main plot is about a guy caught in a crossfire between a breakup of Japanese aristocrats and western influence, it really shows you another outlook and perspective on what life is and what could be. It really depicts depression and anxiety really wel- Aishh, I'm rambling a bit, please forgive me." He said embarrassed, his eyes now looking at the floor with a hand scratching the back of his neck while a rose tint is on his cheeks.

You honestly found Namjoon adorable, though he is a predator, his personality and hobby seem far from it, if you didn't see his ears and tail, you would've honestly mistaken him for a full-human. Hybrids did seem to have a part of their animal somewhere in their personality, maybe this was just one of many sides from Namjoon. You couldn't wait to find out more from him.

"I'd love to check it out sometime, if you don't mind, how about we exchange numbers?" You suggested with a hopeful smile, a bit flustered with your request but you were going to shoot your shot nontheseless.

"Oh sure, here you go"

And that's how you ended up talking to Namjoon until you got to your stop, sadly bidding him farewell before getting off the train and making your way to the Bistro.

Now at the bistro, you waited outside the building to check your phone for messages from either of the two predators.

Jungkook 🐺 at 11:50 am: we're at a table at the corner sweets

Jungkook 🐺 at 11:51 am: i've got a black coat on and Jimin-shi has a turtleneck

Jungkook 🐺 at 11:51 am: if you can't find us, don't be scared to call me

After taking in the information, you finally walk into the restaurant and look around at the numerous tables of humans and hybrids alike, waiters and waitresses walked around with trays or taking orders. After a few minutes of scanning, you luckily found the predator duo with unfamiliar hybrid. Jimin was sat with his back towards the wall, in front of him were Jungkook and the other hybrid that were both faced away from you.

You walked towards the table, Jimin had seen you and you caught the way his eyes lit up with a grin breaking out on his lips. His bread cheeks showing and his eyes barely visible.

The other two hybrids saw his reaction and were quick to look beside them, seeing you standing next to the table with a soft smile.

While the hybrids were just taking in your presence, you took this as your chance to examine the apppearance of their friend.

He had dirty blonde hair with black roots, looking fluffy and messy, but it fit him very well. He also had cat-like eyes, probably a bi-product from his hybrid, part snow leopard. His lips were just as blushy red and soft-looking as the two other predators. His outfit seemed to reflect his laid-back and calm attitude, sporting a plain white shirt underneath a black bomber jacket, jeans and some plain sneakers.

The other two had noticed your oogling and looked at eachother with a questioning look.

"Come here bunny, Take a seat next to me before we introduce you to our friend." Jimin patting the empty seat next to him which you happily took.

"So, this is Yoongi, a snow leopard that lives with us." Jungkook introduced you to him, Yoongi being sat in front of you. "Then this cute bunny is Y/N, Jimin's fellow ballet classmate."

"It's nice to meet you Y/N. I hope we get along well, yeah?" Yoongi put his hand across the table for you to shake, him sporting a smirk.

His voice wasn't exactly what you'd expect from his soft and sugar-sweet like appearance. His voice was deep, a slight noticeable accent in the way he pronounced his words. It was pleasant to the ears, it could potentially put you to slee if it weren't for the current environment.

You finally took his hand, and shook it. Your foot lightly thumping on the ground in excitement. "Back at you, Yoongi."

Yoongi admired the way his name rolled off your tongue, your voice like a melody from one of his songs, your voice was soft and kind, he could tell you were a very sweet and kind hybrid.

Jimin wrapped his tail around your waist, you snapped your neck to him in exasperation, shocked at the action. "What would you like to order, cutie?" He asked with a smirk.

He didn't miss the way your foot thumping had quicked, same as your heartbeat. He could also see a rose red bloom on your cheeks. You quickly averted your gaze, hands fumbling on the menu that was on the table to look at the options, also to hide your embarrassed face from the panther.

"The veggie pasta would be good! With a lemonade! Thankyou!!!"

Jimin laughed at your adorable reaction, the other two were amused at you, with each word you say they could feel themselves falling more and more in love. As if there was a magnetic pull..

prev // masterlist // next

TAGLIST - @blehhhidk, @instantnarwhal, @singukieee, @weepyalex (just comment or dm to be added in masterlist !!, crossed out are people I couldn't tag)

notes - busted out this chapter in like 2 days.. I wrote this from my phone while chapter 1 was written on my computer, which do you guys prefer since I already have a chapter 1 rewrite brewing in my phone? I'd love to know which is better! this chapter was gonna be so much longer but I didn't want to delay it for another day so here ya go! would you also like shorter or longer chaps?

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ditch-lily · 6 months

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so I wanna do a little trip/photo dump of my latest jeffy adventure. I may delete this who knows but for now, adventures below!

I tbh wasn't at my best during this trip, I had a bit of a not fun ocd episode while traveling and I do feel like I spent most of the trip trying to get back to my baseline okayness - so to my lovely friends and travel partners thanks for being awesome and treating me with kindness!! I really, really appreciated it 💖💖

okay now time for obnoxious trip slideshow haha

chiang rai was beautiful. we went to an insanely gorgeous garden cafe on the first day

on the second, we went to the white and blue temples

btw I love doing street photography so 2 of my favs from chiang rai:

and now...jeffy day

tbh by the time Jeff was onstage I'd been standing around since 2pm (he got on stage...at 10pm 😭) the things We Do for Barricade. I was soooo sweaty and frazzled by then

it was a very cool set up tho! it was a little music festival, lots of food/etc, and they lit up hot air balloons over our heads

we saw a few performers and slot machine!! who were right before jeff. finally got to see them live and ohmygod did they pop off!! at one point they were in front of us just tearing up the stage for ages, they threw guitar picks at us haha (I did not catch one lol)

and then jeff.....look we all know how that went down

but here's a screenshot of when he Looked at me the first time and i fucking realized if I can see them.....they can see me. no??? jfc i think i like super reacted, flailed backwards a bit I think. i prefer to not beobserved okay?? but anyway and that's why he came for my throat later i believe. demon

then look after jeff it was just jumpscare after jumpscare, bumping into his band member at midnight in our hotel lobby (all the musicians and sound crew were having a big drinking party on the steps of the hotel. jeff wasn't there tho) and then the next morning bumping into rasika checking out etc etc

okay some of my fits on the trip! day 1, then jeffy day and the next travel day, which ended up being the Day we followed Jeff and his team around at the airport, unintentionally

each of these in front of the cupboard nowhere near as good as jeffs lol

some of the treasures i got at the show! these are mainly bread's amazing creations. @patpran thank you so much i adore my jeffy cat stickers ;.;

also (made by another fan) the jeffy pop socket i'm screaming,,,,,should i put it on my phone..

okay now bkk!! i got a few street shots cause i love doing that

then witnessed jeff on the bts and found some cat pants

and went plus size shopping at platinum mall. i knew about the names before hand but oh my god im laughing

and then!!! bang sue junction, which is mile and apo's fav hang out spot for vintage shopping. sadly we didn't bump into them. but it was such an awesome place to explore

we also wrote a lil letter each and wrapped up some presents to send to jeff. i would like to say it takes 2+ ppl to puzzle out a thailand post box and how to put it together (and there was only 2 of us at that point lol ;.;)

okay i was gonna add more but that's heaps, i think. despite my brain being frazzled 24/7 on this trip it was a good one. thank you so much to @patpran who showed me all the cool places and was a very lovely travel partner!!! you were awesome!!!

i'm honestly so grateful i got to go, and have these experiences ahhhhh, i'm gonna treasure it (sorry post trip emo-ness) anyway i gotta get back to work now but, if you've read this far, you're a star haha <3

#oh my god sorry this got long #personal #might delete later #but ahhh what a trip #i'm so emo now after writing this up!!!#and feel so lucky that i've gotten to go

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lavaflowe · 9 months

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JTTW READING CLUB CATCH UP

Pt. 2

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

Chpt 4 Thoughts:

•the fighting immediately at the gate should have tipped everyone off this wasn’t going to go well💀 doomed from the start

•the hand holding with Gold star of Venus and Wukong I am not okay, I’m exploding it’s so cute

•Holy shit the poem about Heaven is LONG

•Wukong handles being called a bogus immortal very well?? I thought he would be angrier about that… I guess he knows its true tho🤷‍♀️

•Wukong is fantastic at his job- the best horse girl around (for the 2 weeks he was there lol)

•tantrum™️ kicks over his desk and smashes everything with his ruyi bang, causes property damage and LEAVES

•interesting that I’ve seen a lot of adaptations have him release the horses and do a mini havoc in Heaven

•love that it’s just 2 random demons who suggest 齐天大圣 to Wukong, not anyone important or anything JAKDJSJ

•HE QUITS AND THE JADE EMPEROR CALLS FOR HIM BE CAPTURED BECAUSE HES A MONSTER??? HUH???(I thought Gold Star stepped in but I GUESS I WAS WRONG)(capitalism smh /j)

•NEZHA APPEARANCE WHOOOO

•Spreading Flower axe sounds so cool, prime design material

•”eyes glowered strangely like burning stars; past his shoulders two ears, forked and hard; his voice resounded like bells and chimes”<- poem about Wukong, so lovely

•Theme I’m noticing: Wukong treated like an animal until proven otherwise (makes sense but also not)

•asks Nezha whose little brother is he, and Nezha immediately spits back like 3 insults JAKFJSJSJ, he is not here to mess around🔫

•3 HEADED 6 ARM FIGHT: WUKONG v. NEZHA

•the old bait and switch then smashing Nezha’s shoulder (flash back to all the paintings of Nezha running off while holding his broken arm💀)

•Love that Wukong called himself the little brother of the fraternal 7

•Gold Star Of Venus more like Master Negotiator/Mediator

•….is Gold star lying??? WUH

•”Peace and Quiet” and “Serene Spirit”- it’s like they don’t know that’s gonna bore the shit out of Wukong💀 like watching a train wreck in slow motion- HES NEEDS ACTION AND SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH

Chpt 5&6 under cut:

Chpt 5 Thoughts:

•uses all his free time to make more friends

•Gold Star realizes that he may get bored so they give him an extremely tedious task that will also probably bore him JAKDJAJAJD

•HELP HE JUST STARTS EATING ALL THE PEACHES WHAT- he behaved for probably like 2 weeks (again) and then decided he couldn’t wait any longer to try the OLDEST AND RAREST FRUIT IN THE GARDEN!!! AND HE PICKS MULTIPLE, NOT JUST ONE

•I’m yelling he does this multiple times

•okay but him playing around and eating making him tired and taking a nap on the branches when he’s 2 inches tall?? Adorable, no longer mad he ate all the peaches, he’s just a little guy

•ah so he only ate the really good ones. Ofcourse.

•Gently breaking the news that he’s probably not invited to the banquet 😬

•immediately freezes the peach maidens- WHY??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???

•Identity theft smh

•he is feeling….mischievous

•RESIST UR IMPULSES OH MY GOD

•he is so wasted he accidentally wandered into Laozi’s lab

Wukong: I’ve never met Laozi….now is for SURE the perfect time to make friends, when I’m so drunk I can’t walk straight

•He keeps putting things in his mouth, very monkey™️ of him

•IMMEDIATELY sobered up and knew he was in deep shit

•he lived in heaven for over a century 👀👀, Wukong says half a year- so maybe like 175 days?

•he goes back to get wine for his monkeys 🥺🥺

•next day/year Everyone one complains about the Havoc LMAO, they just kept coming, I know the Jade Emperor is distraught HAJDJAJ

•Wukong was going to straight up ignore the heavenly army they sent if they hadn’t busted down his door😂

•all his demon Allies were captured while he did a 1 v 6 with Nezha and the 5 Devarajas

•Wukong starting to get lost in the sauce, doesn’t care his ally’s were captured as long as his monkeys are okay

Chpt 6 Thoughts:

•Guan Yin Rolling up their sleeves to fix this mess

•”nothing but an invitation to disappointment” THE DRAMATICS

•I wonder if the Greek constellations were actually listed or if that was a translation choice??

•interesting that he outlasted Moksa instead of outwitting him- I feel like there’s a deeper meaning to that

•Guan Yin: I have a solution…..call in your Nephew

Jade Emperor: GENIUS

•Erlang is PUMPED to fight Wukong

•something something Erlang Shen is HAWT

•Erlang Shen: I’m here to kick your ass and arrest you

Wukong: your MOM

Erlang already swinging:

•Warform fight pt 2: Electric Boogaloo

•”they darted as stars to fill the sky”

•Erlangs eye being called the Phoenix Eye sounds SO COOL

•spotted bustard has no standards-I stand by the whore joke

•Erlang having fun with their fight LMAOOOOO

•HELP WHY DID HE WASTE TIME ENTERING A TEMPLE??? WUKONG PLS💀💀 UR ARMY IS GONE AND YOURE CORNERED NOW IS NOT THE TIME

•Wukong defeated with an assist from Laozi and Xiaotian

•stabbed for his crimes

•it’s execution time

•really loved that the poems were used to describe all of the fights

#IM ALMOST CAUGHT UP #SOB #jttw book club #sun wukong #erlang shen #nezha #li nezha #jttw #journey to the west #my art #lava chatter #my thots™️

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sky-kenobye · 2 months

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15 questions for 15 friends

Thanks @fangeek-girl for the tag! <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope!

2. When was the last time you cried?

Hmm 🤔 I'm not sure tbh, maybe last week? Two weeks ago? Less than a month most likely. Just felt bad about myself and had a good cry.

3. Do you have kids?

No kids, nor do I want any.

4. What sports do you play/ have you played?

Dance (contemporary and a bit of modern jazz) when I was a kid but I didn't learn much even though i started when i was 3 or 4 i think, and did maybe 8(?) years of it.

Circus for 9 years.

Taekwondo for 2 years (I think you're supposed to be a yellow belt after only two years but my teacher gave me the blue belt so 🤷 guess I'm a blue belt).

Self defense for 1 year.

And ski and snowboard since I grew up in the alps though I barely took any classes, mostly just with my parents.

(☝️ This is making me look super sporty even though I'm really not lol)

(+ all the sports I had to do in PE class in school. I really liked rock climbing, orienteering and step aerobics)

5. Do you use sarcasm?

All the time!

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Either clothes or hair I think? I'm not very observant or a good judge of character so it has to be something obvious.

7. What's your eye colour?

Blue 🧿🧿

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings! I don't really like scary movies, though I love suspens and action that get you on the edge of your seat.

9. Any talents?

I have pretty fast reflex? Not sure that's a talent but I'm good at games where you have to catch something or put cards down faster than the other players. Actually I'm good at board games in general (unless I'm playing against my brother, he's way better that me).

10. Where were you born?

In the french alps 🇨🇵🏔

11. What are your hobbies?

Reading (I wish it was more books (it used to be) but honestly most of the time it's mostly fics), playing video games, sewing, knitting, crocheting, random arts and crafts that I'll drop a week later, watching movies and going to the cinema, astronomy (mostly just stargazing so far but one day I'll buy a telescope), playing board games, travelling (does it count as a hobby?), daydreaming about star wars characters...

12. Do you have any pets?

Sort of? I've always had cats at my mom's house but since I moved out it's mostly my mom's cat? But it's also mine and my sister's. Idk it's our cat.

(My mom also has a dog but that's her dog, not mine)

13. How tall are you?

169 cm (which is 5'6" or 5'7" i think)

14. Favourite subject in school?

Maths and Latin

(I was also very good at physics but I didn't love it for some reason, even though that was the most interesting)

15. Dream job?

Prop guy or costume maker in movies (not the designers, the people who actually make the stuff). Or somehow living off of making cosplay and stuff like that (through YouTube and Instagram I guess).

(I'm not actually trying to do any of that though, I don't think I have the skills to do it)

I'm tagging @grapenehifics @piecesofeden11 @willameena @wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart @renlyslittlerose @cottonraincoat @to-proudly-go @kingdomvel @desmothene @hausofroxann @amadwinter @ineffable-snowman @tideswept @sendpseuds @yourfavoritefridge

(No pressure of course, as always)

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jasntodds · 1 year

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Caving In [7]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 16,820 (I know)

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of almost being murdered, blood, violence, fluff, the chapter is “if it’s too much to carry” because of the song by the same name by Jansen, The wldlfe, Jason is soft for 1 person and it’s the reader, Dick blames Jason for everything, mentions of being held captive, mentions of abuse (nothing in detail), this ends up being the softest thing I’ve ever written so

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: This is my favorite chapter!!!!! I’ve been looking forward to this since I wrote it so I hope you guys like it lol I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 The first few chapters take place between season 2 episode 1 and season 2 episode 2. You can add yourself the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Over the next month, Gar and you continue to get closer. After the night you spent in Gar’s room, you both felt a bit closer. It was the best night's sleep you had gotten since your mom died. You didn’t even have a nightmare. You just slept the whole night perfectly comfortable against Gar. And Gar woke up with a lopsided grin that makes your stomach swirl. Since then though, you sleeping in his room has only happened one other time because you both fell asleep watching a movie. Neither of you really want to make it a routine too soon. You’re just friends and going through the motions of everything together.

But you’ve gotten to know each other through just hanging out. Gar has shown you almost all his favorite video games and you’ve made a good dent in movies Gar dreams as classics that you haven’t seen. You talked more about your hobbies, Gar finding out you prefer to rollerblade places rather a bike or walking and you found out Gar prefers a skateboard. It made you smile because it does fit him.

You talked more about your past lives, focusing more on happy moments like when you attended your first concert with your best friend. You beamed so wide, voice booming from the walls as you told Gar about the whole night. A storm hitting and the entire city losing power besides that arena, you getting to stand third row, the energy of place you explained as the closest to home you could get without being home. And Gar talked about his dad teaching him to ride a skateboard, how he fell several times and had his trucks so tight he couldn’t turn for over a month. He smiled and laughed the whole time, retelling the story of his mom being stressed cleaning his cut-up knees and hands. You spent hours just talking one night until Jason banged on your wall telling you to shut up. It only made you both laugh.

You and Jason have also been getting closer. You started training and the first week was pretty boring in comparison to what Jason had you do. But after a week and a half, Dick deemed you healed enough to train with the others. You still didn’t think it was enough. Two training sessions a day against two people who have already been training for 2 months and Jason who’s been training for over a year. You need to catch up so, you and Jason do an extra session late at night. Sometimes Gar even joins you and those are your favorites because it’s just the three of you. The three of you together have gotten close. Jason even tags along for some movie nights with just you and Gar, along with the movie nights with Rachel. Rachel doesn’t join you for the training though, she really does not like Jason.

Jason is still more closed off than Gar is but you tell him stuff and that gets him to talk a bit to you. Your conversations are either more banter-filled or a bit heavy. You both can talk about your trauma with each other in forms of a joke until one of you cracks and asks something a bit more serious. It’s one of the things you both kind of appreciate, the other knowing when the conversation should turn into something more productive without you having to get all dark and deep. And that’s something nice with having someone who’s gone through something similar with parental figures, it’s easier to talk about. But, you do talk about your interests.

You find out Jason hasn’t seen too many movies, mostly horror and comedies because that’s what he watched with his uncle. Jason is permanently invited to your and Gar's movie nights. And you find out he did the graffiti on his wall. Jason offers to add some to your wall as a joke but you jumps at it. And you tell him you tried before but could never grasp the whole spray paint thing.

Now, it’s your turn to pick a movie for group movie night and you pick Zombieland, a movie you declare as a classic and a must-watch. Jason and Rachel haven’t seen it but of course, Gar has and he backs your opinion of the movie. A classic horror comedy, a must.

“That’s the one with Emma Stone, right?” Jason asks as he plops down on the couch beside you, Gar following right behind him with two bowls of popcorn for the group to share.

“And Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg.” Gar states, taking his seat on the other side of you, sitting between you and Rachel.

“Who the hell is that?”

“The Social Network?” You question Jason and he just shakes his head. “You have really only seen like horror, huh?”

“It’s what my uncle watched.” Jason scoffs in defense.

“The Social Network is iconic.” Rachel states, stealing popcorn from one of the bowls.

“We’ll have to watch it. He plays Mark Zuckerberg.” You explain as you turn the TV on, ready to get the movie going but you’re sucked into a news report.

The other three continue the conversation about the Social Network and why Jason needs to see it. But, you’re so wrapped up in the news report, their voices are completely drowned out. Your breathing hitches and you instinctively hit the closed captains, making sure you’re hearing correctly and actually understand what they’re saying.

“What the fuck.” You mutter, seeing Jerry’s picture on the screen.

Your words grab the other three’s attention, all of them watching the news report. Jerry’s picture makes him look like not such a horrible guy. He’s got a big, warm, toothy smile. He looks like you’re average jo and it sends your blood into a rapid boil. They’re calling him an upstanding civilian. You shake your head letting out a dry, cold laugh. Jerry had supposedly saved a boy from a train, yanking him to safety and now the news says he’s such a great citizen. A real great guy who saved a kid, completely unaware of the horrors that took place in his very basement. Then they have the audacity to talk about how he tries to help kids all the time. It’s his true passion. He works with troubled youth at one of the youth centers in the city and wants kids to live up to their true potential. He explains, right to the camera with a big grin like he’s not a complete monster, that some kids need help to reach that. Not a punishment or to be looked down upon, just encouragement, to know they’re good enough and worth the effort. You nearly take your drink from the table and chuck it at the TV.

“What. The. Ever-living-FUCK.” You say, this time your voice is louder and filled with rage and shock. “What the fuck.” You’re almost shaking as you watch.

“Maybe we should shut this off.” Gar suggests, gently taking the remote from your hand before you start melting it.

“He’s such fucking liar and they’re all just eating it up!” You wave your hand at the TV in disbelief.

"The media loves a fake hero." Jason scoffs, sitting back in his seat with the shake of his head. It turns his stomach. Of all things for you to catch on the news, it's your captor being celebrated.

"I get permanently fucking traumatized and he gets a fucking medal." Tears sting the back of your eyes as anger courses through your veins. It feels like Jerry is spitting on the grave he dug for you.

"That's not right." Gar states, unsure of what to even say right now.

How is anyone supposed to comfort someone who's watching their abuser and kidnapper get recognition for being a good person? After they left them for dead, no less? Gar is pretty sure there are no words or actions that could possibly make you feel better or offer you any type of comfort. The most he can do right now is agree with you.

"Just turn on the fucking movie." You scoff, shaking your head as you match Jason's position.

Gar does as he's told and loads the movie, air in the room stiff. Gar wonders why Dick hasn't done anything. Maybe he thinks the four of you aren't ready to have a mission or maybe he thinks you’re too close to it, which you are, but surely something should have been done about him. It's more than it's you and they all know you and like you, it's that he almost killed you. Gar doesn't really understand how Dick didn't at least put on the Robin suit one last time and take care of him himself.

Jason glances to you and he wants to help. The guy should be dead for what he did and they still don't know if you were the only one he's done it to. He moved from Gotham, who's to say the reason he moved was because GCPD was actually catching onto something for once? You might not be the only one or the last one and this guy is just out there, claiming a sense of glory for making sure a kid didn't get killed by a train. That doesn't erase what he did or make some type of clean slate. He's a monster and someone should do something about the fucker.

But, none of them bring it up, they let you sit with it while the movie plays, almost hoping maybe it'll distract you. It is your choice and you raved about how it's one of your favorites. And it does help a little bit because Gar talks about how much he likes the typography animations of the film and Jason finds Columbus hilarious and can't believe he's survived the apocalypse so far. Rachel's favorite is, of course, Wichita. The three of them talking through the movie do lighten your mood enough to laugh when Tallahassee is so determined to get a fucking twinkie.

As the rest of the movie plays on, you shelve your anger about Jerry. You aren't going to let him ruin a movie night watching one of your favorite movies with people you actually like. So, you shelve it and figure you can deal with the anger later when you’re alone. You put on a happy face and joke with everyone else about the movie.

After the movie, you don't stay to talk like you normally do, a routine more that you, Gar, and Jason have developed since Rachel is normally pretty tired after the movie. Instead, you head to your room and lock yourself inside. The movie ended and the floodgates of fury opened. You can hear the broadcast echoing n the back of your head, seeing Jerry's face every time you blink. You can't let him live like that, thinking he got away with it. He can't just get away with what he did to you. With the public seeing him in such a good eye, he might get another foster kid. He'll say you ran away and foster kids do have a habit of doing that and then they'll probably give him another one. Another kid to torture and probably kill. You can't let that happen. So, you’re going to hatch a plan. But before you can get the plan worked out, a knock on your door pull your attention. You pause for just a second before choosing to ignore the knock.

"Y/n? It's Gar." Gar says through the door, worry laced in his words.

"Go away, please." You say, feeling bad for telling him to go away but not being in the mood to talk about anything. You don't want anyone to talk you out of this and Gar has the ability to do that.

"Please, let me in." Gar says through the door, his voice is a quiet plea and you ignore him again. He just wants to make sure you’re okay and you know that but you'll be fine after tonight. "Y/n?" There's genuine concern in his voice this time and you can't leave him out there any longer.

You come to the door, opening it slowly. "I just want to be alone, Gar."

"Please talk to me." Gar keeps his stance outside the door. "I'm worried about you."

Worried.

You let out a breath, hanging your head before letting him in. You shut the door behind him while Gar looks around your room. It's really coming along now. Framed movie posters line every wall and two pairs of shoes sit on the foot of your bed. A few vinyls are sitting on a desk next to a black turn table.

"That newscast is messed up." Gar turns to face you, brows wrinkling together.

"Yeah, little do they know, right?" You scoff, feeling the anger bubble in your stomach.

"Seriously, are you okay?" Gar asks. "It's okay if you're not."

"I'm just...upset." You admit. "Just sucked, ya know? But I really don't want to talk about it."

Gar's brows are knitted together, the concern is almost radiating off of him. "Maybe you should. I'm worried about you." He says with honesty.

Your jaw clenches as you shake your head. "I'm not gonna do anything or go off the deep end, okay? I'm fine." You lie right through your teeth and you can feel the guilt coating your stomach like thick charcoal.

Gar huffs, getting frustrated because he knows you better than that now. You’re not okay because you always let him in your room. Always. "I don't believe you."

"Well, that sounds like a you problem." You quip so quickly, you didn't even think about talking to Gar and now you feel even worse about it. "Gar--"

"No, no it's fine." Gar scoffs. "My problem for caring, right?" He shrugs, a look of defeat-covered sadness fills his face.

"I didn't..." You pause. This is one of the reasons you didn't want him in here. You know how you get when you’re this kind of upset and that's mean. "I didn't mean it....like that. I just..." You let out a sigh of defeat. "Thank you for caring about me and trying to protect me but this isn't your problem and I am not gonna put that on you."

"You can." Gar says as if it's the easiest thing in the world.

"I know." You nod, taking a step towards him. "I don't want to, though." Your eyes scan over his face. You’re so scared of scarring him and ruining him. There's only so much one person can take and Gar has already been through so much and seen too much. It's not your job to bring him down the spiral with you. "I'm sorry, Gar."

Gar is really good at reading people. He's spent so much time alone or in silence around other people that reading them has become a second nature thing for him. He can just do it without even thinking about it and he's normally right. The way you’re talking to him, the way you’re dodging his eyes, the way you were faking a smile during a movie that's supposed to be your favorite, there is something serious going through your head. Gar has to think it's more than just flashbacks because you would tell him about it. You walk the tower together, every single night to make sure Jerry isn't around so you can sleep. You’ve popped into his room twice now due to a nightmare. Something is going on and he's scared for you.

"I just want you to tell me what's going on." Gar almost pleads with her.

"I just want to be alone." Your voice is defeated, almost begging him to understand. "Can we just talk tomorrow about it, please? I'll come to you, I will. But for tonight, I just want to be alone about it."

Gar nods and he gives up. He won't force you to talk even though he's worried. But, his biggest fear is you going after Jerry and you promised you wouldn't do that. So, he takes your word for it and accepts it.

"Promise?" Gar asks.

"I promise." You give him a soft and small cornered smile. "Thank you for being here for me. You're really sweet, Gar." You nod at him, your eyes filled of heartache.

"No problem." Gar gives you a tight-lipped smile.

You close the distance between you and wrap your arms tightly around his neck. He always smells like strawberries, the smell of home to you. Gar wraps his arms around you tightly, almost begging you not to let go. If you’re hugging him, it means you aren't going off the deep end and you aren't going to spiral alone. He's right there and he will always be here. And you feel warm and comfortable, holding him close to you. He's always so warm, he just radiates heat and you adore it. You swear you could never feel cold or alone again as long as Gar is near. But, right now, your bones are aching to be frozen. Your heart is pleading with you to let the cold shatter you into a million shards. Every part of you wants to be freezing because freezing is sometimes so much easier than being warm.

Freezing is being alone and tired. Freezing is the feeling right before the rage sets in. Freezing is the acceptance of the rage that will come and the actions to follow. Everyone talks about how anger is red and hot. But, for you, it's always been subzero temperatures because it's lonely being so angry. At least when you’re warm, it means you have someone in your corner, cheering you on, not letting the ice freeze over you when you’re drowning, trapping yourself in a lake. Being hot is allowing yourself to vent and get it all out but freezing keeps you in place. Pondering and pacing about every horrible thing you’ve been dealt, the anger is the only thing keeping your heart pumping and something about the cold is addictive like a menthol cigarette so you let him go.

"Thank you."

Gar nods. "Just, come to my room if you change your mind." Gar's hands linger on your back and you nod.

Gar breaks away and leaves you to yourself, a sense of guilt filling his stomach. It doesn't feel right but he doesn't know what else to do. He can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped even if that's the hardest pill to swallow. Gar is always the helper but you don't want his help. And he wonders if you’re too far gone to be helped right now. You’ve been through a lot and he wonders what is too much for one person. At some point, does someone just lose it and become something worse in the end? He doesn't want you to end up like that. But, he goes to his room and shuts the door, keeping it unlocked in case you change your mind, begging the universe to let you change your mind.

But you don't.

You decide you can wait until everyone goes to bed and then head to the comms lab. There you can look up Jerry, just like Jason and Gar did with you. You can probably get his address since this is Batman's house. Surely, the computers have access to a bunch of shit they shouldn't. From there, you can get a cab or an uber or walk if you have to, all the way to Jerry's and kick his ass.

In all honesty, you aren't completely sure if you’re ready but you have enough confidence and rage to shrug it off. If he knows you’re alive and kicking, that's almost enough. He has to know he did not win against you and it is not over. You want revenge and justice and you want him to never do that to anyone else again. And in your head, this plan will work. If he comes after you, he’ll have to fight the others Titans, too and he’ll lose.

You choose to ignore how Dick will react when he finds out. Dick has the codes for the whole building that monitors who comes and goes at any time. Surely, he'll know someone left and when he checks the camera, he'll see you. If he figures it out, so be it. You’re perfectly willing to take the chance, especially because you know Robin wasn't always a defensive fighter. You’ve seen your share of older Robin videos when Robin still would have been Dick and he would fight unprovoked sometimes. You’re sure he had a reason but the other guys didn't start the fight. To you, going to Jerry to pick a fight, is justified. So, you wait it out in your room.

It's been about three hours when you decide the coast is probably clear and safe for you to head out. You open your door and check the hallway, only seeing faint light from the city. You take that as a good enough sign everyone is in bed and you head to the comms lab. From there, you input the code which you find to be a bit funny that all of you have access to it. Getting Jerry's address was a lot easier than you expected it to be. It was in your files from the foster care system, even his Gotham address was in there which, apparently, he still owns the home.

Once you have the address in your phone, you head back to your room. You figured you'd get the address first and then get changed into something all black. This way, if you happened to wake someone up while getting the address, you could buy a little more time just to make sure no one was onto you. And it seemed to work. You changed without any issue and are on your way out, walking into the common area and almost to the elevator when a voice scares you.

"What're you doing?" He gives a scruffy laugh.

You wince, freezing and slowly turning around. "What are you doing?" You echo, crossing your arms.

Jason is seated at the snack bar, arms over his chest and a devilish grin tugging at his lips. "Asked you first." Jason quips.

"I'm not doing anything. Your turn."

Jason gets up from his seat at the barstools. He knew you'd be up to something. No one gets that mad about something and just lets it go during a two-hour movie. He actually thought you'd go to the training room and end up hurting yourself somehow so he waited and listened for you to come out of your room. He went straight for the kitchen only to see you not there and you weren't in the training room. So, he waited, curious as to what you were up to.

"Right." Jason nods, walking up to you. "Ya look like you're up to something." Jason looks you up and down, noticing the all-black attire, something you don't normally wear.

"You look like you're up to something." You raise, stumbling on your words. You have nothing. No ammunition in your arsenal for him. Jason isn't stupid or gullible.

"You're fucking bad at this, ya know that?"

"Bad at what?" You plays dumb.

"You're going to find him, aren't you?" His eyes narrow just slightly as his brows twitch up and you think he might actually be intrigued.

You pause and are you that obvious? Of course, you do look suspicious creeping around the tour at two in the morning when everyone else is asleep. You’re not in pajamas, you look like you’re going to rob someone. It's not a good look and you almost feels dumb for thinking you'd get away with it. But, why is Jason up then?

"You gonna stop me?" You challenge him.

Jason lets out a breath. "Nope." He shakes his head and you raise a brow at him. "Dick's gonna kill you if he finds out though."

"So, don't tell him." You snip.

"Let me come with you." Jason's eyes look you up and down. He doesn't want you to go alone. If it goes south, well, he'd rather not think about that.

"No." You chortle back. "This is my thing."

"Yeah? And if he has powers? You think of that?" Jason questions.

"I have powers. I can take him." You shake your head, your voice defensive but almost whiney.

"Come on." Jason sighs. "Just to make sure you don't get yourself killed or some shit."

You narrow your eyes. "Didn't realize you cared so much about my well-being." Sarcasm drips off your words and you almost think Jason has some other angle he’s trying to work here.

"You always gotta be such a bitch?" The last word has a touch of sarcasm to it.

"You always gotta be such an asshole?" You echo him in the same tone.

Jason gains the smallest of grins as he licks his lips. "I won't tell Dick."

You shake your head and it is a good idea to bring him. As much as you want to think you can take Jerry on your own, he has a point. For all you know, he does have powers and if his powers are better than yours or stronger, you'll need help. You haven't had the training and despite Jason not having powers, he's very good without them and can hold his own. Bringing him would at least probably make sure you don't get herself killed or recaptured.

"Fine." You sigh. "Okay."

"I'm gonna go get my suit." Jason’s voice fills with excitement as he spins on his heels, heading towards his room.

"Of course you are." You nod and take a seat at one of the chairs while you wait for Jason.

Jason doesn't take long, he was much quicker than you thought he would be. But when he comes out, you get to actually see him in the Robin suit for the first time in person. A part of you thinks he looks a little ridiculous, it's something about the cape. You never understood the cape. Hasn't Batman ever seen the Incredibles? But, there's another part that finds it pretty endearing. He holds himself higher in the suit, and it's not just the boots adding around three inches to his height. Jason is even daunting a genuine smile.

"What?" Jason asks, catching the look you’re giving him.

You move from your place at the counter and walk over to him. You get a better look at the detail and you’ve never seen a suit up close. It's kind of cool actually. You reach out and touch the cape, it doesn't feel like a standard, run-the-of-mill fancy fabric. It’s interesting and it’s a lot thicker than you thought but it doesn’t feel heavy.

"Made with zylon fibers." Jason gives this arrogant grin as you drop the cape.

"Mm." You hum. "Which is what?" You eye him carefully.

"Synthetic material." Jason explains and wiggles his brows. "Six times stronger than kevlar." He is beaming and it sends a rush of bubbles to your stomach.

"So, you're bulletproof?" You ask, matching the smirking expression on Jason's face.

"Pretty much, flame retardant, too." Jason's head is held high and there's this look in his eyes as if expecting you to be amazed and impressed.

You have to drop the teasing grin, turning more into amazement because of course you’re amazed by it. "That's..."

"Sick, right?"

"Yeah, actually. That's fucking awesome." You gush. You never understood the cape but now you do. It protects him and suddenly, you actually really like it. On him.

Jason laughs softly to himself, looking to ground and back to you. "Ready to kick some ass?"

"Hell yeah." You nod your head, quickly walking to the elevator.

"Here." Jason hands you a helmet as you both get into the elevator.

"Oh, you really have a bike?" You ask as you take the black full-face helmet from him.

"Why is that shocking?" Jason chortles.

You shrug. "Dunno, guess it makes sense. You're not like a bad driver, right?" You tease him.

"Fuck you." Jason scoffs. "Can you even drive?"

"Shut up." You huff. "No, I was held captive, remember?" Your eyes widen at him.

"I can teach you." Jason holds his head high, keeping his stare forward.

"Sounds illegal, Jason."

"Because what we're doing is legal."

"What if you just drive me around?" You give him a toothy smile.

"I'm not your chauffeur but nice try." Jason laughs and he knows if you asked, he'd drive you across the country.

"Awww." You pout your bottom lip at him but Jason just rolls his eyes.

"Real cute." Sarcasm drips from his words.

"I know." You give him a cheeky smile.

The rest of the elevator ride is quiet and you follow Jason to the parking garage. His bike is parked off in a corner with a cover. Jason rips the cover off with ease. The bike is a matte black Kawasaki sports bike. Of course, it's a sports bike, Jason wouldn't have a cruiser. Somehow, it's all very fitting and the very idea of Jason driving something like a Prius makes you almost laugh to yourself. The bike is better.

"Come on." Jason nods his head towards the bike as he swings a leg over, kicking up the kickstand.

You follow his lead, Jason tilting the bike slightly so you can actually get on. Once you’re situated, Jason looks over his shoulder at you and he has this boom in his chest. He doesn't let people on his bike but you’re different. You’re on a mission and he's not gonna let you get yourself killed. And he's in his Robin suit while you’re dressed in something of a suit yourself since it's not your usual wardrobe. Jason doesn't think he needs help kicking ass but the idea of having you with him? That's something he could definitely get used to. Maybe you'll make a good team.

"Ever been on a bike before?" Jason asks.

"Nope." You pop the 'p'.

"Alright, just hold on." Jason smirks at you and you deadpan.

"Ya know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say this is your way of hitting on me." Your mouth twitches up into a teasing grin.

"Good thing you know better." Jason quips, the smirk not budging. "Put on the helmet." Jason says as he slides his on, buckling it under his chin. You follow his lead, the helmet a little big on you but you’re not going to complain. A helmet is a helmet. "Hold on." Jason nods once at you before sliding the face shield down and turning back around. You put your own shield down and hold onto his waist, the cape bunched between the two of you.

Jason takes off and your grip tightens around him. You’ve never even known anyone who owns a motorcycle, let alone had the chance to be on one and it's a bit scary at first, especially with you not knowing how Jason is as a driver. But, after a few minutes, you get used to it and find it a bit fun. It's a little cold with the winds against you but the city zips by you and there's a thrill and a sense of freedom that comes with it. You get why he likes it.

You gave Jason the address in the elevator so his phone could give him the directions. The GPS instructs him through the com system in the helmets. Jerry's house is just outside of the city. Not too far from where Dick had found you and you get why you were dumped there. You looked like just another homeless kid and if you were dead, it's likely the police would have thought that's all you were. Another homeless kid, another runaway, another addict. Maybe they would have cared a little bit here but you grew up in Gotham where it was normal so you don't think it would have been a big deal. But, finding a body in suburbia? That's almost always some type of big thing. The city makes sense.

You reach Jerry's house in about twenty minutes but Jason parks in the alley. The alley behind the house is secluded, no cameras and some bushes that shield you and the bike. You get off the bike first and then Jason. While Jason pushes it towards a tree to hide it a bit more, you stand outside the fence leading into Jerry's yard.

It's a pale wooden picket fence with a gate. It's basic but not too basic like the Cleavers, not to raise suspicion probably. But it makes your blood pressure spike. You can't believe you’re back here and you could turn around, call it quits. This could end badly. It definitely could and your plan wasn't well thought out. What are you supposed to do? Walk inside and just go off? What if one of the neighbors hears? What happens if this gets you and Jason arrested? Does Dick have any pull here to get you both out of it? If he does, would he help you or just Jason? Maybe this was a bad idea.

"You alright?" Jason asks as he stands next to you.

You look to him, worry written across your face. "Yeah, uh, j-j-just can't believe I'm here."

Even in the dim light of the alley, Jason can see there's something wrong. "If you wanna go back, we can."

You’re seriously considering it but you’re so mad. The broadcast plays back in your head, them calling Jerry a fucking hero. He's a hero? You’re standing next to fucking Robin. You were welcomed into being a fucking Titan and Jerry, Jerry the abusive piece of shit is a hero. That sends your blood into a boil again and eases every what-if situation from your brain.

"No, I'm good." You nod up at Jason before walking up to the gate.

You unlock the gate, allowing Jason in first while you close the gate behind you. And then there’s the house. It's such a basic, small, family suburban home. It's a light red brick, white trim. One floor with a decent patio and patio furniture. It is so simple and so basic, no one would ever know what happens in that house and that irks you. It's not a creepy run-down place where everyone has some type of urban legend about him kidnapping kids. His house, his perfectly cut yard, him, it all seems so fucking normal and he might as well be a Cleaver.

"Gonna break down the door or some shit?" Jason asks just above a whisper.

You roll your eyes at him. "He's such an upstanding citizen, surely he has a key, right?" You ask, looking up to Jason.

"Lead the way then." Jason gestures a hand out in front of him.

You walk over to the door and you do find it a bit convenient that the fence Jerry chose is so high. Someone would need a step stool to actually see over the fence and he has a fair amount of trees as well. You push the idea of why he'd want so much privacy away as you go up to the door.

"If I were a fucking psycho, where would I hide a key?" You ask, mostly to yourself as you look around. "Flowerpot is too obvious and so is the rock and the mat." You mutter and Jason watches you, questioning if you'll actually find a key. "I don't want people to think I'm a psycho so I would have a key, in case I get locked out or something." You continue. "Somewhere people can get but not too...." You crouch beside the glass outdoor table and look under it. "Idiot." You scoff as you find a key duct taped under the table. You rip it from the table and pop back up. "Got it."

"Nice." Jason congratulates you. "How'd you know?"

"Spent a lot of time here, you figure out where people would hide shit when you literally have nothing else to do but watch them." You explain as you walk to the door, gently placing the key in the keyhole.

"Fair enough." Jason shrugs. "Hey, you're not gonna kill him, right?" Jason asks as you get the door unlocked. He doesn't want you to get killed but he doesn't want you to get that kind of blood on your hands. None of you are supposed to be killing people, even if they might deserve it and Jason's worried Dick might kick you out if you do. Jason has a bad feeling about it.

"Of course, not." You shake your head. "I hate him and want him dead but I won't give him that satisfaction either." You assure him.

You take a deep breath, hand on the handle of the door. You shake your head and open it quietly. You take a few steps inside, Jason right behind you. You can hear a TV coming from the front of the house and a faint light coming from in front of you. You walk quietly through the kitchen, the TV getting louder as you approach the open room with the light.

Jerry is sat in a Laz-E-Boy recliner watching some game show. He looks so comfortable and content. That's enough for you to lose all of your inhibitions. You walk from behind the wall and come right into plain view, something Jason did not expect you to do. He thought maybe you'd sneak up on him but this is bold and that's when he starts to worry that you'll actually lose it. So, he walks up behind you.

You have a harsh stare on Jerry as he jumps slightly in his seat, the appearance of two people in the house catching him off guard. You know it's because he's too comfortable with where he is. No one expects anything, why would he be the one on guard? Meanwhile, you’ve been living in a constant state of paranoia.

"Y/n?" Jerry says your name and it sounds like nails on a chalkboard coming from him. But all you do is stare at him, fighting off the warming of your hands. He can't know he won.

He stands up from his recliner and makes the short walk over to you, expecting you to back away in fear but you don't. You hold yourself tall, not breaking eye contact with the stare that could kill. Jason takes a step forward as if it were an instinct, almost waiting for Jerry to do something, ready for Jason to not let him lay a hand on you. Jerry ignores him and instead, gains a sinister smile as he looks down to you.

"You're back." His voice is almost cocky like he knew that if you were alive somewhere, you'd show back up and you can't quite figure out why he would ever think that. You'd rather be on the streets. It's not like you weren't on the streets before. "I thought you were dead." He scoffs like it's some sort of taunt, a warning maybe.

Maybe he would kill you now if given the chance. Maybe that was his intention. You can't fucking tell what the point of it is. What you do know, is that you’re fucking done looking at his smug face.

"Surprise, bitch!" You yell before grabbing his head and bringing it down, kneeing him in the face in one quick motion.

Jason takes a step back, allowing you to just go at it. Jerry stumbles and you don't take a second to let him breathe. You’re quick to start landing punches and kicks, using all of your strength. You grab the collar of his shirt and drag him to the ground before punching his face as hard as you can. Punch after punch lands and you can't figure out who you are or what you’re doing now. Everything has turned red. Flashes of what he did to you cross your eyes with every blink. Everything comes back in a tidal wave, pulling you under so far you can't focus on anything besides making sure he never gets up to do that to you again. But at some point, it starts to look concerning from where Jason is standing.

You’re going to kill him if he doesn't stop you. Jerry had no chance which, if Jason wants to be honest, is a bit surprising. You haven't been training long and you’re not great at it. You have a lot of fight though, he'll give you that but he never thought you'd hold your own, not yet anyway. Jason always felt you had a long way to go and so did Dick. But, apparently, the rage and adrenaline flooding you is enough to fill the gaps of your fighting technique and it's scaring him a little. He won't let you kill him.

Jason moves behind you, bending over and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you off of him. You fight Jason as hard as you can but Jason is still much stronger than you are. You punch and kick the air, tears wetting your cheeks, something you hadn't even noticed.

"Let me go!" You wiggle around but Jason just wraps his arms tighter, falling to the floor with you.

"You're gonna fucking kill him." Jason says in your ear. "Stop." Jason holds you against his chest. He will not let you kill him as much Jason wants to see him dead. You don't deserve to live with his blood on your hands. He won't let you.

"I don't fucking care!" Your voice nearly cracks as you fight him. Everything is red and blurry. You hate him and you aren't done yet. He tortured you for a year. You want a few more punches in. You don't care that he's not moving.

"Fucking stop!" Jason yells at you. "You're not fucking killing him, alright? And I'm not letting you go until you stop." His voice comes back down and his grip is still tight.

"He doesn't deserve to live!" The yell that comes from you is more of a sob. "He was gonna kill me!"

"I know." Jason's voice is understanding but stern. "You can't kill him. That's what he wants you to do. You wanna be like him?"

You pause for a second, trying to regain your breath. Your heart thunders in your chest while your stomach burns. You don't want to be like him but you hate him so much. Jerry stole so much from you and he's so content with himself. It's not fucking fair and how are you supposed to live knowing that? But, with Jason holding you still, you get a look at Jerry for the first time without tears clouding your vision. He's covered in blood. There's blood coming from his nose and his mouth, red marks smothering his face. He's unconscious and you know Jason is right. You can't kill him.

"Okay." You suck in a shaky breath, a hiccup following. "Okay."

"I will drag you outta here kicking and screaming if you go again, alright?" Jason asks before loosening his grip.

"Okay." You nod, swallowing the hard lump in your throat. You can't kill him but you do need to check something. "Stay." You mutter to him, your legs weak as you get up, nearly tripping over Jason.

"Where the fuck are you--"

"I'll be back." You start your walk down a hallway off the living room, almost zombie-like.

Jason sits on the floor, staring at Jerry. He really hates this fucker, too. But he knows you're gonna have to get out of here soon. He doesn't think you were too loud and he checks the windows, not seeing any of the neighbors' lights turned on. But, you can't spend too much time just in case. So, he ties Jerry up with some rope he brought and gags him, just to make sure he doesn't come to and escape while Jason grabs you.

Jason walks down the hall and spots you standing outside of a door with several locks going up to the doorframe. You’re just standing there, not moving or saying anything. It doesn't take a mastermind to figure out that's the door to the basement. That's the only reason there would be so many locks. The guy was prepared for you, or anyone, to try and break out. Jason knows why you never could now. All those locks, what looks to be a thick door. You never would have had the strength and it breaks his heart.

"We gotta get outta here, Y/n." Jason says from behind you, there's an urgency to his voice.

"Door is locked." You mutter, almost as if you’re in a haze.

"Yeah." Jason agrees and he's watching you carefully, not sure what you’re going to do next.

"It wouldn't be locked if he didn't have a replacement." You shake your head, the fury you felt just seconds ago fades knowing what you'll find in that basement.

Jason's heart sinks into his stomach. He never thought you'd find someone else and he hopes you’re wrong. But, just in case you’re not, he doesn't fight you when you reach for the locks with bloody and shaky hands. You unlock six lock and open the door with hesitance. A single lightbulb illuminates the landing at the bottom of the stairs. You remember sitting there for hours before Jerry finally chained you up.

You'd run up the stairs at full speed, running into the door. It never worked and it usually led to you falling down at least a few stairs. It's nightmare fuel. But, you take a deep breath and forces yourself to walk down the stairs. Jason looks over his shoulder, making sure Jerry isn't behind you and he follows you carefully.

You’re steady with your steps as you reach the bottom. The basement is the exact same how you remember it. Dingy and grey, bad lighting, and nothing for any source of entertainment. There's no sign of food or water. All there is Jerry's experiment table with a medicine cabinet. He keeps sedatives in there from what you remember. Your bones ache as you look around until you spot the dentist-style chair you spent so much time in. But it's not empty.

"Oh, fuck." Jason sighs behind you, seeing a boy chained to the chair.

"You should call Dick." You say, your voice flat.

"He's gonna be pissed. Are you sure?" Jason looks to you and he knows it's the right thing to do but he won't call if you’re not sure.

"Yeah, he'll know what to do." You nod your head as you make your way to the boy.

Jason pauses for a second and watches you. It's great that you came and found this kid but he wonders how bad it's gonna mess you up. It'd mess anyone up, returning to the place of horrors to find someone else in their place. But, Jason doesn't sit on it, he runs up the stairs to call Dick and check on Jerry.

You approach the boy who can't be more than ten. You’re a little relieved looking at him. His cheeks are still pudgy and he doesn't seem to have any bruises or swelling. But the boy is scared, jerking away from you to the best of his ability.

"Hey, I-I-I'm Y/n." You whisper to him. "I'm not gonna hurt you." You take one of the chains in your hands, using the other to melt the chain away from where it had him connected to the ground. Once the boy is freed, he's almost too scared to move. "Did he hurt you?" You ask.

"N-no." The boy's voice is small.

"Okay." You offer him a small but warm smile. "We're gonna get you out of here, okay?" The boy shakes his head. "My friend is upstairs and he's calling another one to help. Do you have parents?" You ask. The boy nods. "Do you know where they are?"

"M-my mom's...." The boy struggles for words, voice shaking. "In the hospital."

"Foster care until she's better?" You ask and the boy nods. "Okay, um...I used to live here, too." You tell him. "It's pretty scary but then my friends saved me. He's not gonna hurt you, okay?"

"Where is he?" The boy asks.

"Upstairs." You answer plainly and you catch the boy glancing to your hands. You finally realize they're covered in blood, seeing a few deep cuts on your knuckles. "It's just mine, I'm okay." You partially lie to him. "Are you from here?" The boy nods again. "I'm from Gotham. Heard of it?"

"Batman is from there." The boy says.

"Yeah," You give him a smile. "Pretty cool, right? Batman and Robin fighting bad guys." You see a faint smile pull at his lips. "Robin is upstairs, that's who my friend is."

"Your friend is Robin?"

"Mhm." You hum. "Pretty cool, right?" You ask him and he nods again, this time with a little more energy. "Don't tell anyone, but he's kind of twerp." You try to lighten the mood and the boy laughs faintly. "His cape is bulletproof though so I guess that makes up for it."

"It's bulletproof?" The boy's voice picks up just slightly.

"I know right, he just told me though and it's fireproof."

"That's cool."

"Right? It's pretty fancy."

"Why don't you have a suit?"

"I'm not really a hero yet but maybe I can talk to his guy about it one day." You scrunch your nose.

After a few more minutes of conversation with the boy, you mostly trying to keep him distracted, Dick shows up. He is pissed, so beyond pissed in fact, he almost doesn't look mad. He can't believe you and Jason really snuck out of the tower on your own and went to hunt down Jerry. Behind his back. You both have actually lost your minds. Dick doesn't know what he's supposed to do with the two of you. You can't do this, this is not what the Titans do. This was just reckless. Sure, you’re new and still filled with unresolved trauma, but Jason? He expects so much more from him.

Jason directs Dick into the basement after Dick sees Jerry. Dick just held the bridge of his nose while Jason explained what happened. He really cannot believe this but he just tells Jason to make sure Jerry doesn't go anywhere while he goes to get you. Dick walks down into the basement and he gets a sense of what you went through. This was the only thing you saw for an entire year. The only person you saw was Jerry and it sheds some light on how you ended up here right now. Not fully because Jason didn't get much chance to explain what lead you on a mission tonight of all nights.

But, Dick shelves it for the time being as he sees you with a boy. This fucker had another kid trapped. It's unbelievable and Dick should have done something about him himself. It always should have been your fight but had Dick known there was another kid, he would have done it. This shouldn't have had to fall onto your shoulders.

"That's my other friend, who's friends with Robin." You tell the boy as Dick approaches.

"I'm gonna take over, is that alright?" Dick asks the boy and smiles kindly at him.

"He's the one that found me and saved me. You can trust him." You give the boy a reassuring smile. And the boy gives you a nod.

Dick pulls you aside. "Are you okay?" Dick asks, seeing the blood on your hands.

You nod. "Yeah, I think it's mostly Jerry's." You whisper to him, not making eye contact.

"Okay, good." Dick nods with a hand on his hip. "Home. Now." Dick says through gritted teeth. "I will deal with the both of you when I get back." Dick shoos you upstairs and you wave at the boy before darting up the stairs.

You find Jason in the living room with Jerry still. You find it a little hard to look at Jason and Jerry. Jerry is a little too bloody and you’re thankful Jason pulled you off of him. You shouldn't kill him and you don't actually want to. Had Jason not been there, you’re afraid you wouldn't have been able to stop. You hope you would have but you’re not sure. But, Jason also witnessed all of that and that's the embarrassing part of it.

"Let's go." You ignore Jerry, walking past Jason and heading to the back door.

Jason is right on your heels, following you outside. He hates that he had to call Dick for this but Jason doesn't know how to handle another victim. You sure as shit shouldn't have to. Dick could at least, probably, clean up the mess. He was a detective and he is, legally, Bruce Wayne's son. Jason is sure Dick won't have issues with this but if it were just Jason and you, that might be an issue. He knows he had to but he still hates it.

"Hey." Jason calls after you as you open the gate but you ignore him. "Y/n." Jason continues as you reach the bike.

"Yeah." You say, turning to face him.

"You alright? That was nuts." Jason's words have almost a touch of hesitance.

"Peachy."

"Don't bullshit me." Jason scoffs.

You don’t ignore him. You never ignore him and you have a distant look in your eyes. He knows you’re not okay and you shouldn’t be after that.

You shake your head. "I don't fucking know, alright?" You grab the helmet from the ground. "Dick's pissed and he'll probably kick me out, ya know? But...Jerry is just..." You scrunch your nose as if fighting off something between fury and agony. "A monster."

Jason nods, walking up to you. "Yeah, he's a piece of dog shit. Doesn't deserve shit from anyone." Jason agrees with you. "Do you feel better?"

You shake your head weakly this time. "No." You finally make eye contact with him. "Not really."

"You should." Jason states. "He deserved it."

"I dunno." You scoff, your eyes feeling heavy as the adrenaline starts to crash. "I'm just..." You pause, looking away from him. "I'm so...pissed, I guess? But then I'm sad and upset and then I get mad again." You rolls your shoulders. "Like all I wanna do is lose my fucking mind over it but then I can't because I have to have some sort of control. Like I can't just take it out, it's bottling up over and over. And this didn't help the way I thought it would because it still fucking happened to me." You choke down a cry. "It's fucking heavy and it still fucking happened and....it didn't fucking help."

Jason looks to the ground, feeling sad for you. He's never been through anything like this. You have similar trauma from Gotham but this, this is uncharted. He can't imagine what you’ve gone through. Just the glimpse tonight tells him it was, without a doubt, torture. But he wants to help because he cares about you. Jason cares more about you than he has about anyone else. You deserve better.

He gestures a hand, making a fist at you to signal for you to give him the helmet. You hand it over. "Take it out on me." Jason offers, switching the helmet from his right hand to his left. "And put it on me." His words are filled of ease as if it were the easiest thing he's ever said.

"What?" You furrow your brows at him, your eyes scanning over his face.

"Take it out on me. You're fucking pissed about it? Spar with me, I'll go easy on you so you can get all that shit out. You're fucking sad about it? Rant to me until you feel better." Jason looks to the ground and then back to you. "I'll carry your shit for you, alright?"

"W-why?"

Jason doesn't tell people how he feels, not usually. It makes him uncomfortable. It puts too much pressure on him. It makes him too exposed to the elements of being broken. He cares about you and he knows you’re not that dense. He doesn't have to tell you.

Jason shrugs. "Just trying to help."

You wipe your face with your shoulder, feeling a sad smile come to your face. "That's awfully nice of you, Jay."

Jason finds the nickname endearing coming from you. "I can be nice."

"Sometimes." You joke softly. "Um...thanks for...coming with." Your smile falls as your brows furrow. "And for not letting me kill him."

Jason's smile is warm. "Anytime." The warmth in Jason's chest is nice, comforting even and something he hasn't felt, ever. "Let me see your hand." Jason sticks out his hand as he closes the small distance between you but you just quirk a brow at him. "Your hands are covered in blood, let me see how bad it is, damn."

You laugh softly, putting your right hand in his. "Starting to hurt a little." You mutter as you pull out your phone, shining the flashlight on your hand.

"You brought your phone?" Jason laughs. "Dick could have tracked that." Jason shakes his head, examining your hand. "Shit's gonna hurt in the morning."

"Yeah, pretty sure I got his teeth in a few punches."

"No fucking shit." Jason chortles, seeing the cuts across your hand. "You gotta clean this when we get back."

"Yeah, that'll be fun." You scoff. "Ready to get out of here?" You ask.

Jason drops your hand, giving you the helmet back. "Don't get blood on my suit." He smirks at you, waking just past you to grab his own helmet.

"I'll try my best." You mock, waiting for him to mount the bike. "Bulletproof, fireproof, but what? Blood stains are where the line is drawn?"

"No, I just don't that dickweed's blood on my suit." Jason chortles.

"Mhm." You follow his lead, getting on the bike as he leans it. "Sure, that's it."

"Shut up and put the damn helmet on." Jason shakes his head, putting his own helmet on. You laugh, putting the helmet on and sliding the face shield down before leaning forward and wrapping your arms around his waist. "Ready?" He asks, barely looking over his shoulder and he feels you nod against his back before turning around and sliding his face shield down and taking off.

Back at the tower, you and Jason go your separate ways for a few minutes. You go into the bathroom to start cleaning up your hands and Jason goes off to his room to change out of his suit. While you get the supplies, you’re faced with some confusing feelings.

Jason is a lot of fun to flirt with and he's really cute. You actually like his arrogance and snarkiness. He's tough and smart, much smarter than people wanna give him credit for but you also know he's dangerous. He's rough around the edges and a bit of a wild child. Jason is just as fucked up as you are and you find a sense of comfort in that. He chooses to be angry and have a bit more violence to himself. He can be kind of soft if the moment fits, but he likes to fight. And for you, it's comforting because that's the only thing you want to do lately. Fight and be angry. It's nice to know you’re not alone in that. And he makes you feel safe and understood without even trying. But, you do also find a sense of comfort in Gar.

Gar never would have let you go tonight. He would have been able to talk you out of it. Jason didn't even really try. Gar, despite his trauma, chooses to be kind and gentle. It's a foreign concept to you. To choose the opposite of what you’re dealt. But there is something refreshing in it. There's something refreshing in his optimism even if his optimism seems a little forced like maybe that's his way of dealing with his trauma. You worry Gar pushes it all away so far it'll snap back like a rubberband one day. But Gar does it anyway and he's also very cute and smart and funny. You like the same movies and same tv shows. There are common interests. For you, you like them both for different reasons. So, maybe your best bet is to keep those feelings to yourself. You don't want to ruin anything between the three of you.

You start the water and stick your hands underneath, stinging and burning consuming your hands. You hiss as you try to wash the cuts.

"Need help?" Jason asks from the doorway, watching you struggle to keep your hands under the water.

"Fucking please. This shit hurts and I need two hands." You groan which makes Jason laugh as he walks in.

"Lemme see." Jason holds out his hands for yours.

He looks over the cuts on your hands, now with less blood and better lighting. Bloody and bruised knuckles aren't new to him. He swears there was a point where they were always bruised. He saw purple skin across his hands more than he saw his normal skin tone. Since, being Robin though, the gloves take most of the blows. He doesn't miss it, the ache of bruises and scratching from healing scabs. But, he at least knows how to deal with it.

Jason grabs the antiseptic wipes from the counter that you had already taken out and takes your left hand in his. He doesn't warn you, he just goes right for it and starts cleaning the cuts gently. You hiss, swearing under your breath as the stinging consumes the cut.

"Sorry." Jason offers an apologetic glance as he continues. "They aren't that bad, the cuts." Jason explains.

"Hurt like a bitch though."

"Because you beat the shit out of someone." Jason chuckles. "It happens."

"Mhm." You hum, watching him carefully.

Gentle is not a word you would use to describe Jason Todd. In fact, in the month and a half you’ve been here, you don't think you’ve ever seen him actually be gentle about anything. But, he is now and maybe that's why you’re so infatuated with him sometimes. He's not as two-dimensional as he comes across. There's a lot about him that's just some façade, maybe to push people away so he doesn't get hurt. After what he's been through, you sympathize with that. But, you wish he'd drop the act a little. It's fun, sure, but you want to know more about him and find out what really goes on inside that head of his.

"Tell me something about you." You say, keeping your eyes on your hands as Jason switches to the clean the other one.

"Like what?" He asks, his voice flat.

You shrug. "Dunno, something though. Like, something not a lot of people know about you."

Jason pauses, keeping your hand in his as he looks to you, expecting you to have some type of teasing expression but you don't. Your eyes hold curiosity and a sense of calmness. This isn't normally how you communicate. It's just banter and flirting but you seem genuine now. It makes him shift.

"Why?"

"Because." You shrug again as you look at him. "Curious, I guess. I won't tell anyone." Your eyes widen, this time a bit teasing. "I'll tell you something."

"No." Jason shakes his head, not having the game.

Letting people close? Not his strong suit. To him, there's no reason to tell you. What you're doing is fun. He's having a great time and he doesn't wanna ruin it by getting a little too real with you. The trauma is almost easier to talk about it because you’ve been through it. But talking about the things that make Jason, Jason, the stuff underneath the trauma, that's the hard shit. That's the shit no one can just know. The trauma is public information. It's not that easy to just talk about.

"What're you so afraid of?" You ask, the lack of teasing in your voice is almost making Jason uncomfortable.

"I'm not afraid of anything." Jason snarks, lying to himself.

"Hmm." You hum. "We're all afraid of something, Jay." There's that nickname again. "Just, I dunno, tell me something real about you."

You make it so tempting. It's the way you smile at him where he knows you’re being serious but the very corner of the right side of your mouth twitches into a grin, just slightly. It's a kind of taunt thing you do with him when you’re trying not to and it makes his stomach flip like he's on a rollercoaster. Something in the way your hand lays gently in his and the way you let him in during vulnerable moments, makes him want to tell you.

Jason sighs, going back to cleaning your hand. "If you tell anyone, I'll kick your ass." Jason warns and you smile, crossing your heart with your free hand. "You know the story. Mom's a smack addict, dad's a dumbass who got himself killed, uncle same shit." Jason explains and you nod even though he can't see you. "Foster care, the streets, juvie."

"Lifting cars?" You ask.

"Amongst other shit, yeah." Jason nods, tossing the antiseptic wipe into the trash and grabbing a roll of gauze from beside you. "I found this school when I was on the streets and slept in the rafters of the auditorium." Jason talks and he gains this gentle smile, one of fondness. He shrugs a shoulder. "I'd watch the theater kids at night when they'd have a show." Jason pauses. "Got pretty into it."

Your heart warms with him talking. The thought of Jason Todd being a theater nerd? Amazing, funny, endearing. Explains why he's so dramatic. It's not what you expected in the best way. That's the kind of real shit you want to know about him. No one would have ever guessed that's his thing and you think it's adorable.

"Huh." You hum as Jason finishes wrapping your left hand. "Didn't peg you for a theater kid."

"Yeah, used to think they were the losers." Jason chuckles, taking your other hand in his. "Now, I wear a mask and a cape."

"That's kind of cute, actually."

"Shut up." Jason groans, thinking you’re messing with him.

"No, I'm serious. Honest, it's cute. Jason Todd, a soft spot for theater. I dunno, I think it's cute."

Jason's eyes narrow as he looks up to you, not sure if he should believe you. But you have soft eyes as you look at him. And your smile is so wide he finds it hard not to believe you. Maybe you were a theater kid and that's your big secret.

"What about you?" Jason asks. "I told you mine. You tell me yours."

"Okay, but you can't laugh." You don't fight him. It's only fair. Jason mimics you crossing your heart, a teasing smile on his face as he licks his lips. You roll your eyes. "I love romance movies."

Jason huffs, trying not to chuckle. "Sorry, sorry." Jason snickers. "You don't seem the type. Your extensive knowledge of horror movies and shit."

You shrug one of your shoulders letting out a sigh. "I love horror movies, man." You laugh. "But, I like romance movies. Ya know, where the guy gets the girl and he holds a boom box over his head. Or throws a fist in the air. I guess, The Breakfast Club isn't romance but I count it. Easy A though with all of the tropes, 13 Going On 30 during the photoshoot scene, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days with Somebody Like You playing in the background." You list some of your favorites. "I also like sad ones, though. I cry every time."

"Yeah?" Jason puts your wrapped hand down, raising his brows at you and instead of stepping away, he keeps the close distance to you. "Why?"

"Dunno." You shrug once more. "I just do. Like I cry every time I watch A Walk To Remember. 'I'm sorry she didn't get her miracle. She did, it was you." You quote the movie. "I ball my eyes out, every single time. Um, the Notebook, of course. Me Before You, I expect him to live every time and every time he dies. The Time Traveler's Wife, PS I Love You when she gets the last letter." You let out a sharp breath. "Shit, I always expect a different ending, but it's all the same and I cry."

Turns out, you're both full of surprises. Jason never would have thought you liked romance films. It's more than your taste for horror, a lot of people like a lot of different genres of movies. It's also because of your attitude. Rom-coms don't seem your thing, you always seemed more of an action or dystopian person to Jason. But, you have a soft side.

"Full of surprises, huh?" Jason chuckles softly.

"Guess so.” There’s a shy smile pulling at your lips and you feel warmer right now with him, than you have in a long time. “What else?" You ask.

"I read." Jason says, finding it easier to talk now. "I'll read pretty much anything. Always liked it but got a bit more into it on the streets. Libraries are free."

"Didn't peg you for a reader, either." Your smile is sweet.

"You a reader?"

You shake your head. "Nah, the act of reading kind of makes me tired." Your eyes widen with annoyance at yourself. "I wish I was, though. My mom used to read me as a kid and that was fine but I try to read and my brain decides I should sleep.” You laugh softly at yourself. You look down, tilting your head to the right. "Alright," You breathe out, looking back to him. "Got any more questions?" You give him a teasing grin, quickly raising your brows at him.

Jason hums and he could ask a million questions. He's liking getting to know you like this but Gar is also his friend. You seem kind of into him, a little at least. As much as he'd like to know what other hobbies keep you entertained or what your favorite memory is, favorite movie, any hidden talents you had, he's thinking maybe he should ask about Gar before this goes anywhere else. Getting to know you more without knowing what your intentions are, freaks him out a little. Why get close if you'll leave? So, he matches the grin and decides to play the game.

"Yeah, actually." Jason lets out a sharp breath, leaning forward. He places a hand on either side of your thighs, resting his hands on the cool countertop, his face just inches from yours. You eye him carefully, your heart banging against your ribs. "What's up with you and Gar?"

You let out a huff, a taunting smirk on your face. "Hmmm." You hum, trying to figure out his angle here. "Why?" You ask, tilting your head to the right.

Jason mimics your action, shrugging slightly. "Can't be curious?"

"You can." You state, trying to ignore the beating of your heart and swirling in your stomach.

"Well?" Jason asks.

You put your hands over his and get just an inch closer to him, playing his game. "Jealous?" You narrow your eyes at him slightly and Jason's heart bounces into his stomach.

The answer is yes. If there's something going on, yes, he's jealous. But, he's not so jealous that it would get in the way of his friendship with Gar or whatever is going on between him and you. That's petty and dumb, Jason has bigger issues than jealousy over a girl. But, there is a tinge of jealousy in his stomach at the thought of you with Gar instead of him. However, he doesn't want to give you that satisfaction. He can tell by the way you asked and the cornered grin you’re giving him, you expect him to say yes. And he won't.

Jason's voice is low, brows raised. "You fucking wish."

You laugh softly, feeling your cheeks burn. Maybe you do want him to be jealous but that sounds like a lot of drama that would be tired and boring. But, you also don't have a witty comeback as much as you want to. No one's ever been able to leave you lost for words but Jason does. He's so quick and smart that it leaves you tongue-tied. He's playing this round-and-round game so long, he's basically an expert. It's fun, though.

Your eyes narrow at him, searching for something to tease him with but you’ve got nothing. You’ve never noticed before but his eyes are really pretty. They're green, not dark green or hazel. They're a muted shade of something like a sea green with a yellow in the center. For a second, you think you could get lost in them like wandering through a forest with no destination or map, just the sun guiding the way. And he has a few dark freckles scattered haphazardly about his face that you want to connect like constellations. He's cute, that was your first impression. Cute. But, taking a second to really look at him, he's kind of beautiful in a tragic kind of way.

"And if I did?" You ask, your brows raising, licking your lips and Jason gives this forced chuckle. The game is being played and neither of you are backing down, so he closes the distance just a bit more, your noses almost touching as Jason eyes your lips.

"Do you?" Jason asks.

His voice has this taunting sense to it, like he's teasing you, about to make fun of you. But there's this hint of curiosity with it and maybe even a want in the tone. Maybe he wants you to wish he were jealous. Maybe that'd make the whole thing easier. You make the move for him.

You rest your forehead against his, Jason's heart about to beat out of his chest and he's never felt this with someone before. He feels dizzy around you, his stomach this bubbly mess. He's excited to see you every single morning. There's this rush that almost, just almost, feels like putting on the Robin suit but different. He gets to be so unapologetically himself with you and that's not something he has ever felt before.

Your nose brushes his and every part of you is ready to dive into him. You feel electrified with him. Nothing about the trauma even matters with him because he's been through it. His mom, his dad, he fucking gets it and you don't have to hide or protect him from it. Jason is this unmovable force that makes your bones ache at the core. You’re trapped in a rain storm but when Jason is around, he's the tunnel you get to drive under. The tunnel that quiets everything around you even when it's still pouring. He makes you feel alive again.

"Maybe." Your voice is a whisper, you’re not ready to commit to closing this. It can't be on you.

The game isn’t so much a game anymore, not right now because you’re too close for that now. You’re trapped with bated breath between you, waiting for the other to finally commit to it. You want him to commit to it so badly you can hardly even breathe. There’s just something about Jason to you that you can’t explain. And, Jason, he wants you.

His lips brush yours and there's hesitance it in. If he kisses you, the game ends. Something will come of this. It might be good and it might be bad. But something will have to come of it. You'll have some sort of discussion about it and he wants you so bad but he wants you to want him, too. So, his lips brush yours and he’s just about to ready to say fuck it and close the distance. And maybe you’ll kiss him back.

"What the fuck?" An exasperated voice pulls yours and Jason's attention towards the door where Dick is standing with his hands on his hips looking absolutely exhausted and pissed and fed the fuck up.

You jerk away, pulling your hands into your lap while Jason quickly moves away from you, his cheeks turning a cherry red. Both of your lips are burning, as if you'd just committed to something that never even happened. It feels like you were hiding some dirty little secret when Dick walked in. You weren't doing anything different than what you normally do but it still felt different. A bit more vulnerable, a bit more hesitant. It felt different and Dick interrupted it. Neither of you even know if the other would go through with it. You hope the other would though.

"Seriously? You nearly kill someone and then you..." Dick gestures at the two of you, trying to figure out what he walked in on. This is not where he saw this going. "Are doing whatever you're doing in here."

"W-we weren't doing anything." You glance between Dick and Jason. It's not a lie even if it feels like one.

Dick shakes his head. No one prepared him to handle this. No one prepared him to handle people who apparently try to kill someone and then have a deep moment later. What is he supposed to do with that? First training behind his back and now this. The two common denominators in this have been you and Jason. In his eyes, Jason must be the bad influence because you’re traumatized and Jason is probably encouraging the bad behavior. He can't let you two just do whatever you want when you want. Someone's going to get killed and he's thinking the two of you together would be the cause.

"This," Dick waves an open hand between the two of you. "Whatever that is, no." Dick says and Jason and you look at him with confusion. Jason shifts his weight to his right foot, putting a hand on his hip while you shake your head as if to be processing what's going on. "You two, no."

"Picking my friends now, huh?" Jason scoffs, annoyance raging from his bones.

"Looked a bit more than that, didn't it?" Dick fires back.

"Well, this is awkward." You huff, more to yourself. "We're friends, Dick." You groan. "I know, hard for you to grasp giving your history, but guys and girls can be friends." Dick's mouth moves as he's trying to figure out what you mean. "Oh, Rachel told me that you hooked up with two of your friends and it seems you still have a thing for both of them. But, one left and the other is dating some other guy who was also your friend and a Titan." You explain, keeping your voice nonchalant and Jason nearly bursts into a fit of laughter watching Dick's face turn red.

"Okay, no, that's not--" Dick shakes his head cutting himself off. "This isn't about me."

"It could be. We could work through your parental problems and really get to the root of the problem because you might have commitment issues. That's what it sounds like." You explain while nodding your head, Jason snickering to the side not able to control himself. Dick's gonna kill you.

"We're not talking about me." Dick groans, growing more annoyed. He has got to do a better job at keeping his private life, private. "Stop deflecting."

"She's very good at it." Jason adds in.

"I think that's all our strong suits, to be fair. Notice that he turned it back to me. Deflecting." You say to Jason.

"No, we're not doing this. I'm not playing your game." Dick sighs. He wants nothing more than to go to bed. He didn't think he signed up to actually parent the new Titans. He almost feels bad for what he put Bruce through. "You're both in deep shit." Dick's voice goes stern again and you accept you can't get out of this one as much as you tried. "I expect more from you." Dick turns his anger onto Jason.

Jason's jaw nearly drops as his eyes widen. How the hell is Dick blaming him? "What?" Jason nearly yells, the word coming out as a scoff.

"You didn't do anything to stop her, did you? You could have come to get me but you didn't." Dick points full blame on Jason and you’re sitting there almost certain this is a weirdly vivid dream. He can't be serious. "You're the oldest, you know better."

"Are you fucking serious?" Jason huffs. "I made sure she didn't kill the fuckface." Jason tries to defend himself.

"You should have come to get me." Dick insists.

"Right," You start, your voice slow as you keep glancing between the two of them. "You're blaming Jason?" You almost laugh at how stupid that it is.

"Let me guess, you take full responsibility because it was your idea and you manipulated him, right?" Dick throws your previous discussion back in your face. "You wanna be Robin again?" Dick turns his attention back to Jason. "Stop fucking up."

You watch the look on Jason's face. His face drops, for just a split second before turning into pure rage. You understand that Dick should be mad at you both, absolutely. You did something stupid and dangerous. But, throwing Robin at Jason's face doesn't sit right with you. You don't know the story but it's pretty obvious being Robin is something that means a lot to Jason. You don't throw something like that in someone's face, not like that.

Jason walks up to Dick, standing toe-to-toe with him. "You don't fucking decide if I'm Robin or not. I'm the new Robin." Jason says pointing to himself, not looking all that intimidating having to physically look up to Dick. "You're just a washed-up version of a hero."

"Stand down." Dick keeps his voice level with Jason, not giving in to him.

"Jason tried to stop me." You speak up from your spot on the counter, not wanting to see where this fight is about to go. Jason will not stand down and you don't think Dick will either. If you didn't know any better, you would think they were actually brothers.

Jason turns quickly to look back at you. He's surprised. He did not try to stop you. He basically encouraged you to go. He drove you there and didn't step in until it started to look bad enough. Jason knows the odds of Dick kicking him from the Titans are low because of Bruce but you? You’re still new and if you cause more trouble than you’re worth, Jason thinks he might. Deep down, he knows Dick wouldn't but somewhere in his head, he's afraid Dick would and you take the blame anyway.

"He was getting a snack from the kitchen when I was trying to sneak out." You lie. "He-he, uh, he figured out what I was gonna do. He tried to stop me, convince me to go back to bed or he'd come get you. I promised him I wouldn't do anything."

You said you'd never rat Jason or Gar out which makes Dick find it hard to believe that happened. He does also know Jason and Jason isn't one to step away from a fight. Jason talking you out of it seems incredibly unlikely but Dick can't prove it at this point in time.

"Why'd he drive you then?" Dick challenges trying to find a hole in your story.

"I told him I'd be gone before he could get you. I was going regardless. So, instead of me getting into a strange car at two in the morning, he said he'd drive me as long as I didn't do anything. He only wore the Robin suit as a safety measure." You lie through your teeth.

You haven't always been a good liar but it was something you needed to be better at. You have tells like everyone else, the way you kick your foot out every few seconds, the lack of hand movements. But, Dick doesn't know you well enough to know your tells so you lie with the first thing that comes to your mind and by the look at Dick's face as he looks back to Jason, you’re thinking he believes you.

Dick sighs. "Just," Dick starts, his attention on Jason as Jason looks back to him. "Come get me, okay? I have to be able to trust you."

"Right." Jason scoffs.

"Go to bed, I'm gonna talk to Y/n."

Jason looks over his shoulder and you give him a soft smile with a nod. Jason sighs, not wanting to leave you alone with Dick but it's probably for the best before he punches the guy. "Good luck." Jason scoffs, pushing past Dick and leaving the bathroom.

Dick walks further inside, leaning his hip against the counter while you’re looking at your hands in your lap. Your head is hung as if you’re waiting for the 'I can't trust you, you have to leave' speech you know is coming. You wonder why you do that. Taking the risk of homelessness when you know it's a possibility. It's not like you do it on purpose but you get mad and frustrated, nothing else really matters at that point. The only thing that does is not being mad anymore. It clouds everything else in your brain. A booming kickdrum drowning out every better decision you’ve ever had.

"Is that actually what happened?" Dick asks, his arms crossed.

"Yep." You answer, not looking to him.

"What were you thinking?" His voice is disappointed this time, completely different than the anger he had towards Jason and it doesn't sit right with you but that's not the argument you want to have right now.

"Guess I wasn't." You mutter. "Kicking me out?" You peek an eye at him, your words hesitant.

Dick shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "No." He shakes his head. "Wanna tell me what the hell happened though?"

You shrug. "He was on the news." You say, your voice small and quiet. "They were congratulating him for being an upstanding citizen, an everyday hero, because he saved a fucking kid from getting hit by a train."

Dick nods once, understanding how you ended up at his house. "So, you decided to go after him?"

"I mean...yeah." You looks up to him. "It's just not fair, ya know? I'm..." You pause, trying to find the right words as the fire dies out from your blood. "I'm scarred, physically and mentally from him. He did all that shit to me. I'm a freak now because of him. He ripped me from my home. I talk shit about Gotham but it's my fucking home and he ripped me from it." You shake your head as you look back to your hands, picking at the bandages Jason applied. "He gets to be called a hero and I get stuck with more trauma."

Dick's anger for the night fades as he listens to you, for the first time, really listening to you. You’re not snarky or fighting with him. This seems like the most honest you’ve been with him since he found you. He sees a part of himself in you. Angry and bitter and resentful of the life you're dealt. You were both just kids when your lives got ripped out from under you. No kid deserves that. It makes him sad, that's the one thing everyone in this tower has in common. Childhoods ruined by adults who are too selfish and cruel to think about their well-being. Or even care about their well-being.

"He thought I was dead." You scoff, feeling the burning of the back of your eyes start. "He actually said that tonight. He dumped me for dead. Just...like that. Like I was trash. I'm not..." You pause, your chin wrinkling slightly. "I'm not even upset that he didn't give a fuck, ya know? Because fuck him but...I am upset that a human can do that to another human. He tried to kill me." Your voice breaks.

Up until tonight, a part of you thought it really was an accident. Jerry just thought he went too far, he didn't mean to do it. But, tonight, the look on his face, he wanted you dead. You were too much maybe. Too big of a hassle because you put up a fight even with words. You'll never know his why and maybe that's for the best but the thing is that he did try to kill you. That's something that you have to sort through and live with. Beating someone to death is a personal thing, there's a burning hatred there and while you can't rationalize it, it's like you’re trying to anyway.

You’re putting blame on yourself even when it doesn't make sense because you’re the victim. From the time you were put into Jerry's care until the day he dumped you in that alley, you were the victim. But, you can't stop your mind from blaming yourself. What about you is so un-fucking-bearable that someone would hate you so much they'd try to kill you? He's evil, he doesn't need a reason and it's not your fault, but that doesn't stop the thoughts. And you thought you'd be okay joking with Jason, maybe that would quiet everything for the night but now you’re talking to Dick and you can't joke with him like that. And now it's haunting the marrow in your bones, aching and dragging.

"I'm not mad, okay?" Dick assures you. "Disappointed but I understand. That's a horrible thing you went through. I get that, I do." Dick starts. "But, you can't go off on your own like that. I know you had Jason but anything could have happened. You were in his house. You almost killed him." Dick keeps his voice steady and lacking of anger. "It sucks. I went to get revenge for my parents being killed and I regret it every day." Dick opens up a little making you look at him with a raised brow.

"Why?"

"I didn't kill him but because I went after him, he was killed by someone else." Dick explains. "He killed my parents but it wasn't my job to kill him or get him killed as mad as I was or as unfair as it is. That's just not our job."

"I didn't wanna kill him." You suck in a breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out. "Just beat him up, rub it in a bit that I was alive and kicking. Show him he didn't win."

"I think you accomplished that." Dick raises his brows quickly.

"Yeah," You sigh. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for losing it and dragging Jason into it."

Dick shakes his head. "Just don't let it happen again." Dick pauses. "You don't have to take the fall for him."

You roll your eyes. "I'm not."

Dick nods, not fully buying it. "Okay, well, extra chores for a month then."

"That it?" You ask.

"Yeah, don't do this again." Dick pushes himself off the counter.

"Aye-aye, captain." You solute him haphazardly.

Dick sighs with the response. "Just get to bed." Dick says before leaving the bathroom.

You let out a breath, taking a second to be. There's a lot to unpack tonight. You look at your hands and a part of you wants to grieve for the person you’ve become. Three years ago, you'd never hit anyone. You'd have someone threaten to hit you and you knew you'd never do anything about it. Fighting never seemed like the best solution. It always seemed so pointless but now you’re here with bloody knuckles, fueled by anger. You get it now but you don't know if you like the feeling.

But, you’re so sad and angry, like weights tied around your ankles. You’re gnawing and clawing at them but they never budge. They just get stronger the more you struggle. Every day you live and Jerry gets to exist in happy contentment, it's another pound added. Every day you live and the Joker gets to keep on jokering, it adds weight to your shoulders. The anger and sadness cloud your every move. Grief is agonizing and numbing and all-consuming. And when you think you have something to make it better, it's temporary. Training, movies with Gar, video games, music, teasing Jason, beating up Jerry. It's all temporary relief. The second you’re alone with your thoughts, it creeps back in, a tsunami receding the tides again.

And you wonder if you'll ever hit the acceptance stage of grief or if you'll just be trapped here alone for the rest of your life. So, you clean up the bathroom and look for a distraction because the guilt and grief feel too much.

Your fist knocks on the dark door softly and you wait a few seconds. This is a bad idea and you know it. But you don't want to be alone and you don't want to think about anything. Thinking is becoming a chore and you feel haunted. Tied down and struggling. Beating up Jerry did nothing but make you feel worse which then, somehow, makes you feel even worse. It should have helped, it should have because he got what he deserved but it just makes you feel like the bad guy in all of it. You saved someone tonight but all you see is Jerry covered in his own blood, thinking that's what you must have looked like. And a part of you thinks maybe you aren't any better than he is because you did to him what he did to you. It is different and you know that but it’s late and you can’t be alone with those thoughts.

"Hey." Jason greats you, surprised to you.

He thought for sure you would listen to Dick and stay away from him. He's not entirely sure if he was serious about it but it wouldn't shock him. Jason is bad news, dragging everyone he cares about down with him.

"Can I come in?" You ask as if you’re on a mission.

"Sure." Jason opens the door further for you and you walk in. Jason closes the door behind you, leaning against it, waiting for you to say something.

Something's off. No smirk, grin, or smile. No teasing comment. No remark about the half-empty bottles of Gatorade and Red Bull scattered about his room. You were, relatively fine and normal when he left besides being pissed at Dick. For a second, fear strikes him and he wonders if Dick gave up on you already. Jason knows that can't be it, Dick sucks sometimes but he's not that fucking horrible. But, that's also the only thing coming to mind.

You turn to face him, your expression almost flat and Jason watches you as you walk up to him. You stand just a few inches from him without saying anything. Normally, Jason would find this as a challenge, play the game again and see what happens in the safety of his room. But, not now. Not with the flat expression and distant look in your eyes. Not like this.

And you think about it. Think about kissing him and using him as a distraction, that was the plan coming here instead of waking up Gar. Gar would have too many questions and he'd have this way of getting you to spill your guts to him. You’re too tired for that. It's too much thinking, too much emotion. But you’ve got your eyes locked on Jason's and you want to kiss him because it'll be such a good distraction and it'll make you feel something incredible. It'll make you feel wanted and important, you won't feel so damaged anymore even if it's just a few minutes.

But that's not fair to him either.

You shake your head. "Sorry." You take a step back, swallowing thickly.

"It's okay." Jason says, still watching you carefully, concern starting to creep onto his face. "What's up?"

"I don't wanna think about it anymore." You answer candidly.

Jason nods and he has an idea. If it were anyone else, he’d go for it because kissing someone and letting it go wherever it decides to go, is a fun little distraction. But, this is you. And he swears if something is meant to happen, it won’t be because either of you want to be distracted. So, he walks over to a dresser near the window and looks inside. You watch him, questioning what he could possibly be doing. You aren't sure what you expected him to do but say something would be high up on that list. Instead, he's just looking into a drawer so you make the walk toward him.

"What're you doing?" You ask from behind him.

"Pick one." He says, gesturing a hand inside the drawer. You walk up beside him and see several books. You raise a brow at him. "Just do it." Jason sighs.

You shrug and go along with it. You look over the spines, studying them and it's kind of interesting, seeing what books he likes. There's dystopian young adult, horror, adventure, a few classics. It's like a little window into his world and there’s something sweet and soft about it. But, you spot one that you’ve actually seen the movie for so you pick that one.

Jason laughs as you pick the book with the pale yellow spine. "You've seen the movie?"

"Yeah, of course." You answer with a laugh. "Of course, I've seen it. Is the book good?"

"You tell me." Jason takes the book from you and walks past you, going towards his bed.

You spin on your heels, the confusion and curiosity engraving itself across your face. "What?"

"When shit gets too fucking loud, I read." Jason explains, sitting on his bed while you walk over to the end of the bed slowly. Things get loud for him and escaping into a book helps. It quiets the noise. "Or I train but you don't seem like you want to do that right now."

"That would be a correct assumption." You state. "But, I just said I don't read." Your eyes are narrowed still waiting for Jason to explain what's going on.

Jason stretches his legs out before opening the book and flipping to chapter one. He clears his throat. "When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton." Jason reads the first line and your face softens and your heart stops in your chest, realizing what he's doing.

Not to be dramatic, but a part of you almost cries while he reads. This is probably one of the nicest and most thoughtful things someone has ever done. Reading is draining to you but his way to deal with shit. This is his world that he's inviting you into in order to distract you. Jason Todd is not nearly as calloused as he comes across and it's so warming and jarring that you are, yet again, at a loss for words. And you adore him so fucking much, you swear he makes all of your broken parts seem not so broken.

"You gonna just stand there or you gonna sit?" Jason asks as he finishes the first paragraph. He feels exposed again but for you, it's worth it. It'll always be worth it for you.

"Okay." You smile at him, crawling onto his bed and sitting beside him.

He gives you this look of contentment, of ease. His eyes are soft, not sad or pained like they normally are. He looks comfortable, here with you and a book in his hand. You want to cry so bad because something about him seems so perfect. He's perfect but in the way that something by Monet is or the way a glass vase is. He's perfect with every cracked, messy, and damaged parts of him because they make him...him.

You think maybe perfect isn't the right word for him because he has flaws, you both have flaws. To be perfect is to be flawless and Jason Todd is anything but flawless but to you, with gentle and adoring eyes, he seems perfect. Maybe to be perfect, as a person, is not to be flawless but to be flawed and still be unapologetically yourself. Maybe that's what is it. To be perfect, as a person, maybe it's because of the things you do and who you are rather than what's happened to you. Maybe being a perfect human is just being able to show softness even when all you have ever known is a life of tragedy and heartache. And to you, Jason Todd is perfectly flawed just like you.

You scoot closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder. The action surprises Jason a little but he falls comfortable with you against him. Jason thinks you’re everything he could have ever asked for. He doesn't care about the violence or the rage that courses through your bones. He doesn't care that you have some issue with Batman over the Joker. It doesn't matter to him because you see him for who he is. He is not Jason Todd, the arrogant asshole. To you, he's just Jason Todd. Jay. And Jason thinks that's what makes you perfect. That you understand him and you care for him even when he's drowning in a war against himself. Jason Todd thinks you’re perfect and he doesn't think anyone is perfect.

Jason looks to you and smirks because he can't help himself. "Unless you wanted to do something else." His brows wiggle as he teases you.

"Shut the fuck and read the fucking book, Jay." You roll your eyes, sinking into him and looking over to read along with him.

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series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @thatfangirl42 // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies

#gar logan #jason todd #gar logan x reader #garfield logan x reader #jason todd x reader #gar logan fanfic #gar logan fanfiction #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #caving in

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seiya-starsniper · 2 months

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WIP Wednesday Redux

It's still Wednesday in my time zone and I have been feeling some HARDCORE burnout post big bang (and really, before that lol) so here's hoping this accountability version of WIP Wednesday will restart my motivation!

Kudos to @kedreeva for the rad idea and @aisalynn for introducing me to it 💖💖

Rules:

Post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to play!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event or gift fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

I chose to make my own post, but feel free to add to my reblog chain, reblog to the original post here, or make your own post on your own blog if the game interests you! No tags for this one, consider yourself part of the game if you see this post! 😄

Here are my 5 WIPs

I love your smile - Dreamling

omegaverse forced marriage (dreamling)

Hobrinthian - Hob gets the Corinthian's skull

set the night on fire chapter 3 (dreamling)

Take Me Over (Break Me, Shake Me 2) (dreamling)

Snippet from the WIP "I love your smile - Dreamling" underneath the cut:

“Come. We are missing the goslings. We must catch them before they swim away,” Dream says, before he grabs Hob by the hand, forcing him to put the camera down and let it rest around his neck. They walk over to where the geese and their recently hatched chicks are idling, and Dream approaches them slowly, keeping a respectful distance as he reaches into his pouch of seeds. Hob stays back further than Dream; geese seem to hate him for some reason, but Dream has yet to meet a bird that doesn’t instantly take to him. It’s one of the things that Hob had noticed about him.

They’d met a little over two years ago in this very park, and Hob had been enraptured by Dream feeding the pigeons. He’d only meant to snap one or two photos of the strange goth man, but then one of the pigeons had flown up onto Dream’s shoulder and rubbed its head against the man’s cheek.

Dream’s smile had been small, but absolutely radiant that day. Hob fell in love at first sight.

Dream, decidedly, had not.

#seiya writes #seiya's wip previews #seiya writes dreamling #dreamling #sandman fanfic #wip wednesday

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alovesreading · 1 year

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Constant Repeat | Part 2

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 15.5k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: Hello!! I'm still pinching myself over the fact that I'm posting this story now lol, it doesn't quite feel real you're all getting to read it now. I remember so clearly how giddy I was writing this chapter back in April 2022 and reading it back again makes me so nostalgic for some reason. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy! x

Masterlist

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One thing she wasn’t expecting to hear from Aaron today was that they would be filming another music video. But it wasn’t the fact that it was a music video, it was whose music video they were filming.

Arctic Monkeys were back. And Focus Creeps were producing their new music video. Again.

After filming ‘Brick by Brick’, she had started listening to them religiously, and that was a fact she would keep quiet now that she knew she was going to see the band again. Their latest single, ‘Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair’, was so good—she listened to it at least twice on any drive she made.

Another list was handed over by Aaron, this time with days of anticipation and not as long as the first one. She’d just need to make some calls to a couple of models to see who could make it to the shoot and just make sure the costume design department was ready to work with the model once they managed to get her.

Their job shouldn’t be too hard as all the girls that were written down as an option had similar measurements, if anything they’d just have to do a little cinching at the waist or shorten the sleeves of the black bodysuit she’d have to wear.

After multiple calls, they finally had a model. Scarlett would be their hellcat and she’d be coming in for fittings later in the day. With that news and everything else checked out, she made her way over to Aaron’s office.

“We have our girl: Scarlett Kapella. She’ll be coming by at eleven for her fittings and the makeup rehearsal, everything else I’ve checked out twice and if anything comes up I’ll just let you or Ben know.” The director received the now crossed out and annotated list with a nod and a smile.

“Great, after the fittings and all that, please have the costume design department bring me the pictures to show the clients.” Aaron tapped his hands on the table and then put the list to the side.

With a smile she said, “Of course, I'll call Margaret to let her know.”

“Thanks Ella.” Aaron said and continued to do whatever he was doing on his computer.

With a nod she left the office, making her way to her desk and gave Margaret, the costume designer department manager, a quick call about Aaron’s wishes after the fittings.

As Ella went through her emails, she found herself pondering how this time would be, surely she didn’t really know what the plan for the video was other than the model being filmed at the venue they were playing at and catching some of the gig on camera, but she kept wondering what it would be like to hang around them for a second time.

Thinking back to when they were filming their music video always brought a smile to her face because it had been just one of those experiences that get stuck in your mind. And that memory was just as stuck in her mind as they way she had felt talking to them, even if it had been brief, they were so friendly that they’d made her feel incredibly at ease from the very second they spoke to her.

Not to mention the way she had felt under Alex’s gaze and attention. It was weird really, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it and she felt the slightest bit pathetic when she got nervous thinking about seeing Alex again.

Realizing she had been typing an email reply that made absolutely no sense, she forced herself to focus on work and leave the questions for another day, specifically for the day the band was supposed to be in town. You can focus for three more days, right?

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Three torturous days had passed, through which Ella had to force herself to focus on work every minute of the day, only really allowing herself to think about the future encounter during her lunch break.

She had once been staring too long at the wall while eating her favorite chicken salad, thinking and thinking, that she didn’t hear the constant questioning of her coworkers.

“Earth to Ella?” Tyler’s hands were waving in front of her eyes.

It took her six blinks to come back from reality, she swallowed the bite of chicken she had in her mouth and cleared her throat, “What? Sorry, I was just… erm…” another six consecutive blinks, “I was just thinking about the upcoming music video we have to film.” She dug her fork back into her plate to get another bite.

“Oh yeah, well that’s going to be fun, we get to see a concert for free.” Diana, the head of their makeup team, said.

Ella let a hum in agreement, holding back from talking with her mouth full.

“It’s going to be a long day though.” Tyler replied, and rubbed his face with his hands, “I need a nap just from thinking about it.”

She chuckled, “Same.” and sighed thinking about the endless ways that day could unfold.

But now all that was in her head was how tired she was. It had been an early call to work to start shooting as soon as possible and, of course, she had had to wake up at five in the morning to be in the office ready to leave by six.

Once again, they would capture them around LA so Ben had suggested going on a hike next to the beach, that way they could get them in different scenery and they could capture their surroundings to fulfill the California aesthetic they were looking for.

So there they were, being hit by the early morning wind. This time she had brought a jacket, not that it made much difference though, she had her hold tight on her clipboard, having to press it hard to her chest to avoid the papers on it flying everywhere. She was grateful for her decision to put her hair up in a ponytail before leaving the van.

They had parked right beside the blue vintage convertible the band had arrived in. All of them were smoking and chatting. Matt and Jamie were facing them, Nick and Alex with their backs to the van. When Aaron and Ben approached them to say hello, they started tossing the buds to the floor, putting them out quickly before shaking hands with the two Americans.

Ella took Alex’s smile and Matt’s nod as a queue to get closer and wave at them, “Hi guys, good morning.” She smiled and covered her face from the rising sun hitting her face.

They all returned her greeting and she felt warm inside from how nice they were to her, even if she was well aware it was bare minimum.

Ben then decided to get things started out, “Okay guys, long day ahead. Are you ready?”

Four yeah’s were heard and with that Aaron turned to get the whole crew ready. Today they were using four video cameras and she felt bad for the cameramen, their arms would be giving out by the end of the day.

The stylist made her way towards the band, only Jamie asking for a hair touch up after the wind had messed it up on the drive and he couldn’t get it just right with his fingers.

Ella made her way to the crew where a short speech from Aaron was being heard, and right when it finished they all scrambled to get their things ready. She made sure to ask everyone if they needed anything else, and when she got full confirmation that they didn’t, she made her way back to Ben.

“I think having you guys walk around, catching some of the scenery and eventually you posing in front of the landscape would be good.” He waved his hands around pointing to the areas he was thinking of having them, to make sure the lads were following his vision, “We would get most of the footage for the video later at the venue so just enjoy the walk and we’ll capture it all.” A smile came to his face as a silent ‘is that alright and understood?’

The four British men agreed, and with that Aaron came over with the cameramen ready to film. Them all taking different positions: three taking different angles on the band and the other one recording the beach and the rest of the place they were at.

“You guys ready? Cameras ready? … Action!”

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“You’re as bad in the barely cold as I remember.” Alex said, approaching Ella with a playful smile minutes into the break everyone had just decided to take.

An hour had gone by of them recording the band walking around the coast, making their way to the beach and then coming back up to the hiking trail. Up there the wind was strong and, even though the sun had already come up and she was wearing a jean jacket, she was still shivering slightly.

She chuckled and turned to him, hugging herself a little bit tighter, “So easy for you to say, Mr. England.”

He fully laughed this time, her smile getting bigger after the sound left his lips, “Fair enough, Ms. California.”

At that she looked at him, a slight smirk on her face and shook her head, “Ms. Tennessee actually.”

Pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket, Alex nodded, “Doesn’t it snow there though?” He genuinely asked, putting a cigarette between his lips and offered the pack up to her.

He was surprised when Ella took one out, of course he was going to offer one but he didn’t take her for a smoker. “It does, but after living in LA for almost two years, you get used to it being always sunny, warm and rainless.” As soon as she finished her sentence, she quickly put it between her lips, craving the warmth the nicotine would bring her.

Alex lit up both of their cigarettes, enjoying the way she looked when she slightly bent down towards the flame and looked up into his eyes, a faint hollow of her cheeks to take a long drag. Fucking hell, he cursed in his mind.

He took a drag himself while staring at her now very exposed throat from the way she was looking up to the sky and blowing the smoke upwards. She was so effortlessly stunning, completely enthralling.

Aware of the answer he was supposed to give to her statement, he cleared his throat and continued the conversation, “Two years huh? What was that change like?”

“Quite harsh I’d say but nothing ventured, nothing gained right?” Ella held her cigarette between her fingers, smiling at him, knowing damn well she was starting the thing she always does, that only leads up to oversharing to people she just met. Maybe this time she wouldn’t be met with an awkward smile and an apology from a girl wanting to leave the club’s bathroom.

“Right,” Alex matched her smile, “You look like you really like your job though, so I’d say the risk was worth it.”

“It really was,” She started sharing with a smile on her face, “Thinking back to all those first months I was homesick and wanted to go back home to my family…” She filled her lungs with smoke once more before continuing, “I just wish I could tell my past self, everything would get better eventually.”

He nodded, understanding perfectly the feeling of wanting to be back home more than anything else even while doing something to fulfill your dreams, “Homesickness is hard.” He agreed, “After the novelty of touring wore off, it was quite hard for me to leave.” A cloud of smoke made its way past his lips, “Time and having my mates with me helped the feeling pass.”

A low hum came from her, both of their smokes halfway done. She was lost in her head for a few seconds and then she lightly chuckled.

Alex let out a chuckle as well, face showing how intrigued he was in her thoughts, “What?” He tilted his head, smiling at her with a soft questioning frown.

Ella shook her head, “Nothing.” She replied but the little laugh that slipped out betrayed her and she felt the need to explain her amusement then, “It’s just I could picture you all cuddling and crying to each other in a tour bus, quite endearing I’d say.”

With his lips pressed and a slight raise of his eyebrows, he answered that with a vague “I will neither confirm nor deny that scenario.” and with that she exploded in laughter. The sound was so contagious he joined her, chuckling loudly himself.

“Oh God.” Ella said, taking a deep breath to recover from the laughter. She took a last drag of her cigarette, putting it out on the ground, “Thanks for that one, I really needed it.” She tilted her head looking at him with a sincere smile.

Alex turned to look at her and reciprocated the grin, “The laugh or the smoke?” He mimicked her and got rid of the cig too.

“Both.” She replied, her smile stuck on her face.

“You’re welcome.” He noted how he really liked the way her smile reached her eyes.

From afar they heard Jamie calling out the singer's name and instinctively they both turned to where the call came from, only Ella looked back ahead right after, blushing from being caught around Alex. It wasn’t a bad thing per se but she’d rather not be caught by several people talking to him when she was there to do her job and she knew that it would be seen as the opposite of her being professional.

“Excuse me.” Alex said quietly, starting to walk past her.

“It’s alright.” Ella assured shyly, barely audible since her words lost volume when he touched her arm when leaving. Not only just a touch, he had given her arm a little squeeze, as if promising he’d be back.

And she was selfishly hoping he would live up to his silent word because she was starting to really enjoy his company.

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Time hadn’t been on their side, neither the crew or the band.

When they resumed the filming, she was beside the directors watching the musicians pose and move around but after fifty more minutes they decided they had gotten enough footage at the place and to move onto the venue. There the model and costume design crew would be arriving in approximately an hour and a half, giving them enough time to pack, make the drive and settle down at the new place.

So without having a chance to speak again during the hike, Ella followed the crew and got back inside the van.

Ben went over to the left side of the van, and asked for them to open the window. Tyler was informed he had to film the guys drive back, taking advantage of how cool the vintage car would look in the video driving down the west coast highway.

She was beside Tyler the whole drive, watching how the takes were looking like—pretty fucking cool, she’d say if she was asked. With fifteen more minutes of footage, Tyler was given the confirmation that he could stop.

The rest of the drive was quiet and calm, she was glad she could find relaxation in the middle of an already long day.

After a forty five minute drive, they had parked in the first sublevel parking lot. Everyone carried something back up to the room they had been instructed they could use, which turned out to be a ten minute walk in a maze of hallways. She’d make sure not to leave without someone else beside her or else she knew she would get lost.

It took the whole crew about five minutes to settle around the room, and they still had time to rest before the model and other members of the crew arrived so they occupied the sofas and chairs that were there.

She decided to go to the bathroom and freshen up, taking some girls from the crew with her. When they came back, she recognized Alex and Matt talking outside a door all the way down the hall.

“Hey, Ella!” Alex greeted her, waving her over with his left hand, right hand holding a beer.

Blushing slightly, Ella looked at her coworkers telling them she was going over to him and they nodded as if to say it was fine by them.

For fucks sake, was all that went through her head. She was really afraid of people getting the idea that she’d broken the first and most important rule in a production company just from the way he’d called her over. But at the same time she couldn’t help but think maybe it was fine, maybe she was just overthinking it.

Putting some hair behind her ear she made her way to them, “Hey, how is it going?” She asked quite shyly from seeing the room the musicians had been in, full of people she’d never seen before.

“Do you want a beer?” This time Matt asked, holding up his half-empty bottle to show it to her, as if that would help her make her decision.

She thought about it for a hot second, then decided she could use one to relax for a bit, “Sure, thanks.”

Going into the room to get her a bottle, the drummer left Ella by the door standing opposite to Alex.

“Are you guys tired of us following you around with cameras yet?” Playfulness coated Ella’s features as she slightly leaned against the doorframe.

With the bottle stopping midway to his lips, Alex replied in the same playful manner, “I think we have another hour in ourselves before we reach that point.”

She chuckled at that, her eyes wondering over the amount of people inside the room, everyone chatting, sharing drinks and laughing with each other. She thought of how fun it would be to be part of this industry and go on tour, be surrounded by friends and have your job not really feel like one. After all, these people, who she could only think were part of the tour production crew, were drinking a few hours before the show. How she wished she could have a beer while checking emails, or maybe some mimosas.

After Alex swallowed the drink he had taken, he continued, “No but actually, we liked working with Aaron and Ben, that’s why we’re doing the rest of this record’s music videos with you lot.”

She couldn’t help her eyes going wide at that, Aaron and Ben never mentioning it to her, this news made her feel a lot and she couldn’t really point out what everything that she felt meant. So of course a curious “Oh really?” was what came from her.

Alex nodded, “Yeah, or did you really want us out of your hair?”

Ella laughed, shaking her head, “Of course not, shooting music videos is my favorite part of the job. It’s a plus that you’re all so lovely to work with.” He didn’t miss the way her cheeks slightly blushed, smirking at her words.

“Well I hope we are your favorites.” The singer used the bottle in his hands to point at her, giving her a quick wink.

She felt her cheeks burning up from that so she turned her gaze to the inside of the room for him not to see, “I’ll consider it when Matt comes back with that beer he promised me” She pushed herself off the doorframe, her back vaguely aching from resting there.

And as if summoned, the drummer made his way back to the two of them. “Sorry Nick distracted me for a second there.” He apologized and handed Ella a beer bottle.

“Thank you.” She felt the condensation dripping through her fingers as she clutched it.

Alex noticed her bottle still had the cap on and was about to offer to open it for her, when she used the ring on her middle finger to take it off in one swift movement. She put the cap in her back pocket to throw it away later and took a swig of the drink, cold going down her throat.

“Nice trick.” Matt complimented, fairly impressed as well.

Ella looked confused for a second until she realized what he meant, “Oh yeah, people love it when I do that.” She lightly laughed, “Not that impressive really, it’s easier than it looks.” She cleared her throat lightly and started conversation with Matt, “So Alex just told me you’re recording more videos with us…” Another swig of her beer was the cue for them to continue with the conversation.

“Ah that’d be true, yes. It would be the next date we are back here during this tour. August, I reckon.” He turned to Alex to make sure his timeline was correct, to which his best mate nodded.

Ella nodded, a smile forming on her face, “Oh that’s great, California is stunning in August. Are you going to keep the American vibes going for the rest of the videos?”

Helders turned to Alex again, realizing that what Ella had said was true, “We have been doing that, haven’t we?”

Alex nodded, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down after he took the last gulp of his beer, “I guess we’re embracing the fact that this one has an american west coast feeling to it, us recording it here must have played a part on it.”

She hummed against her bottle, hiding the fact that she was really looking forward to that new album, “Does it have a name yet?” curiosity got the best of her and she just couldn’t hold back from keeping that question inside.

“Suck it and See'', replied Matt, an amused expression on his face when he saw Ella frowning immediately after the words reached her ears.

She took a few seconds to find a meaning for it in her head, but never would she say out loud what the first thing that came to her mind was. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Her frown only loosened up a bit.

Matt chuckled at her reaction, “It’s kind of like ‘bite the bullet’, although… not really, it’s more like ‘take the risk’”.

Alex and Ella exchanged looks then, the ghost of their conversation back at the hiking trail passing through both their minds. So she smiled and he smiled back at her. She couldn’t believe how comfortable she could feel with a person she’d barely met but it made her feel warm inside and she really quite liked it.

With a tight lip smile she nodded, “Huh, I really like that. It’s a great name.” Her eyes went from Matt to Alex’s figure for a quick second.

“Thanks Ella.” Matt smiled at her, not missing her fleeting glance to the singer standing beside him. “So, what about you? How long have you been working with Ben and Aaron?”

She hesitated for a second before starting to talk, “A little bit over a year now, but I’ve been a PA for two years, I just worked in another company before.” Ella felt so weird talking about her normal slightly boring job to the critically acclaimed musicians, but they were looking at her waiting for her to continue so she cleared her throat and felt her cheeks start to burn.

“Guys I’m not that interesting, I check emails most of the time at work and oversee people filming commercials, I’d rather hear about your tour stories.” Alex chuckled at that, shaking his head, “C’mon, I know there’s some good stories.” She insisted, trying to get the conversation’s topic back to them.

Matt took advantage of the moment to embarrass his friend, “Well there’s always the time when this dickhead decided to have a smoke backstage right under a smoke detector, in a room we were not allowed to smoke. We almost got kicked out of the venue for it.”

Alex shook his head at the story, not even trying to defend himself because he knew he should’ve listened to the sign that said no smoking right at the entrance of the room.

Ella snorted, her hand flying to cover her mouth, “Oh my god Alex,” She said between chuckles, “Didn’t you see it?”

“Not really,” replied the singer with a slight grin on his face.

Matt was quick to counter attack his statement, “But he did see the massive no smoking sign outside the room”, his eyebrows raised.

Her eyes filled with humor looked at Alex and she shook her head, biting her lip to not laugh again but a smile creeping through, “You’re just full of bright ideas aren’t you?” Her rhetorical question was heavily sarcastic.

Alex shrugged then and smirked, “People would say so yeah”.

With the bottle resting on his lips, Matt chuckled, “Dickhead” and took a sip of his drink.

With his mind set on getting payback, Alex started, “Well, Ella I think you’d love to hear about the first time we went to a club in America and Matt went over to flirt with this bird who turned around and thought he worked there so she gave him her empty glass and asked him for another vodka cranberry.”

Ella burst out laughing, head thrown back as she did. Alex liked learning that this meant she was genuinely laughing, she seemed to always show what she felt very clearly through her body language.

“Oh no Matt,” her voice filled with humored sympathy and her hand over her heart.

The drummer shook his head, “That’s what I get for trying to dress nice I suppose.”

A big smirk tugged at the corner of her lips and she just needed to ask, “What were you wearing?”

Matt mumbled his answer, “Black trousers, a white button up and a black tie”, downing the rest of the beer he had left to avoid her glance.

Alex couldn’t help but laugh out loud remembering the moment once again and Ella did the same just imagining the situation in her head. Matt tried to keep his composure but ended up laughing with them.

“Oh nooooo,” She elongated her words trying to get some air back to her lungs, “Wait… what did you do afterwards?”

“I just nodded and turned around.” Another round of laughter came from Alex and Ella, “What was I supposed to do?!”

Alex turned to her and kept adding to the story, “He came back, put her glass down on our table and started taking his tie off.” the words struggling out of his mouth between giggles.

When Ella kept laughing Matt threw his arms up, trying to keep his argument strong, “Once again, what was I supposed to do?!”

The singer let his head hang as he continued laughing and then he took a deep breath, “I dunno mate but I’ll never let you forget that one.” He grinned with satisfaction at his best mate who looked only the slightest bit amused.

She was fanning her face, red now after so much laughter, “I’m sorry Matt but that’s so sad, it’s hilarious.”

Matt turned to look at her and gave her a fake smile, “I’m glad my misfortunes amuse you.”

The shaggy haired man turned to her then, “So, what do you have for us Ella?”

With confusion so clear on her face she looked at both guys who looked at her expectantly, “What do you mean?” Was she meant to bring them something? Did she forget about something in the list? Oh no, I should’ve had a little debrief with Ben or Aaron before leaving our room, she thought, starting to slightly panic.

Panic that was cut off by Alex saying, “It’s your turn to tell us a story.” like it was obvious.

She was relieved but only for a mere second before she started to stress again, “Oh no, you don’t really wanna know” She stated, hoping they would just suddenly change their minds and agree that indeed they didn’t want to know.

But to her dismay, they both nodded with big grins as if already holding back the laughter her story was going to bring.

An embarrassing enough story came to her mind, and she dreaded telling it but she knew they’d eat this one up so she wouldn’t have to tell her most embarrassing one.

“Ugh fine.” Ella sighed, “When I first started in Focus Creeps, I would always try to volunteer to help in anything I could, from helping the makeup department practice on me during my lunch break, get everyone lunch when they were all to busy to think about eating, and even drive a vintage car to a place thirty minutes from the office.” One of her hands was around her empty bottle, tapping her fingers on the glass and the other was waving around the air as she talked.

Well here goes nothing. “A vintage car…which of course was manual,” She paused for a few seconds, Matt and Alex already looking amused expecting just what she was going to continue to say, “And I don’t know how to drive stick.” Another sigh left her lips.

Matt saw her hesitating, “Okay, go on.” He chuckled when she rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

“Okay, I’m just going to say that I didn't know what car it was. Ben just asked if someone could drive the rental to the studio we were filming at and I said I could.” She explained herself and her two person audience snickered at that. “Anyway, when we got outside and I saw the transmission, it was too late to back down. I just remember thinking, how hard can this be right?”

“Oh Ellie.” Alex managed between small giggles that were coming prematurely to the punchline since he could imagine how the story would end and she just shook her head remembering the embarrassment. Yet, her stomach fluttered at hearing her nickname come from him.

“Ben was going to be on calls, that’s why he asked for someone to drive in the first place, but that’s also the only reason why he didn’t notice me struggling to turn on the car and start driving into the road. When we hit our first red light, two minutes into the drive, I had started feeling confident.” Her hands following her story, then went to rub her forehead cringing at the next part, “But when the light changed, the car wouldn’t move and I didn’t know what to do. I kept stepping on the clutch and then the brake and I just tried everything and it wouldn’t move.” Her eyes were closed now and her cheeks red.

Alex and Matt were fully cackling now, just picturing her panic and it all being in front of one of her bosses.

She looked back at them, flustered but continued, “The car turned off at one point and people kept honking at me so Ben said ‘can I call you in a bit?’ to whoever he was talking to and then turned to me super confused and said ‘why don’t you go?’” A light chuckle came from her at the end of her sentence. “I gave up then, and I just told him ‘so… I don’t know how to drive stick’ but since the honking from everyone was so loud he didn’t hear me at first so I had to say it louder. We ended up having to switch sides and he basically talked me through what I was supposed to do.”

Matt shook his head with a pitiful look on his face, “Well, that was nice of him.”

“Yeah well, we didn’t talk about it for the next few days until one day he sent me an email with just a link to a YouTube video on how to drive a manual car.” Ella’s face was red now and the musicians were still laughing.

Alex couldn’t help but ask, “Alright but the million dollar question is, can you drive manual now?”

Covering her face, Ella shook her head, “As much as I did then.” Her voice was barely audible with her hands hiding her face.

And with that laughter filled the hallway, she uncovered her face and joined them, glad the story time was over and dealt with. She could see Alex’s eyes creasing in the corners, his teeth showing in a perfect smile. He’s so pretty, she thought.

Ella did a curtsy jokingly, “I hope that story satisfied you both.”

The men nodded, Matt smirking at her, “Oh very much, yes.”

“I hate you two.” She tried to sound serious but she just snorted immediately after seeing their faces that didn’t buy her statement one bit. She cleared her throat and tried to dismiss the fact that she had let that sound out again in front of them, “Well let’s forget about that… uhm, big show tonight?”

“We shall never forget that actually,“ Alex said first and foremost, ending in her rolling her eyes playfully, “And maybe? It should be a couple thousand I think.”

Her eyes went wide, “A couple thousand? And that’s ‘maybe’ a big show?” Ella made air signs to emphasize the maybe. “How big are you guys that a couple thousand isn’t a lot to you?”

Matt took over then and completely blew her mind, “Well, we’ve done Glastonbury four years ago, and that was about a hundred thousand people.”

In complete shock she had to ask, “Wait, you’re joking right?” And when they shook their heads she gasped, “A hundred thousand people?! That’s insane! How do you even manage to keep cool and play for that many people?”

Alex’s face lit up with pride and nostalgia, “It was insane, and we were definitely shitting ourselves but that was our biggest moment so we just took it as it went.”

She was so impressed and blown away, she had definitely underrated how big they were but they seemed so cool about it at the same time.

Just when Ella was about to ask a bit more about their experience her phone pinged on her back pocket and when she took it out, she saw a text from Diana.

Diana: Model’s here and getting ready, can you tell Aaron for me please?

Putting the phone back in its place, she looked at her new… friends? acquaintances? and sighed, “Thank you so much for that guys but duty calls. Sorry.”

“S’Alright” Alex gave her a tight lip smile and then timidly suggested, “You can always come back and hang out here when you’re done.” He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding Matt’s not at all subtle glance.

Ella blushed slightly, “Oh- uhm, sure, yes.” was all she managed to say back. She didn’t expect him or well, them, to want to spend even more time with her after this.

She was about to turn around when she looked down at the bottle on her hand, “Where is the tra-”

“I’ll get it for you, don’t worry.” Alex interrupted her, taking it from her hand.

“Oh thanks,” Ella cleared her throat and hoped to god her cheeks weren’t as bright as she was thinking they were from just feeling them burning up. She needed to get a grip and stop blushing like a schoolgirl around the man. “See you later.”

With that she turned and made her way to the door on the other side of the hallway. Her black pants were tight on her and Alex was quite hypnotized by the sight.

Matt followed the trail of his eyes and smirked, “Alexa would get on with her quite nicely, don’t you think?”

Alex turned quickly at the mention of his girlfriend and then rolled his eyes at his friend’s antics, “Piss off, Helders.”

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It had been an hour since Ella left the musicians. She had gotten the message to her bosses and the whole crew had started getting everything ready for filming. Alongside Ben and Aaron she had gone to where Scarlett, the model, was getting ready and after fifteen minutes of the directors explaining what it was she had to do, they had gone back out to see which hallways and routes they were going to take for filming.

Clipboard on her hand, Ella kept writing stuff down that was going to be relayed to the editing team and minor things they should ask the band later to see if they needed reshoots or if the ideas were fine with them. After all, they still had tomorrow to film with them so there was time in case more footage was needed.

After almost twenty minutes they had finally started rolling. Scarlett strutting down the venue's backstage maze in her high heels and tight bodysuit. She’s an actual goddess, was all that went through Ella’s head since the model had come out of the dressing room.

The woman was so effortlessly seductive, flirting with the camera with just her eyes. She wished she had that confidence or even just that talent—because it surely had to be considered a talent to act like her.

The most flirty Ella could ever get was after a few shots of tequila and at least some thirty minutes on the dancefloor, a little liquid courage and the confidence that dancing brought her were her fuel to get with anyone on nights out. But of course most of the time it was hard: the guys mostly turned out to be assholes and the girls were so pretty, they intimidated her.

Needless to say she was feeling jealous, but in a good way, of how Scarlett made it seem so easy to be sexy and teasing—even more so considering how she was doing that to a camera, with a bunch of people behind as an audience. Wow.

She was entranced, the top of her pen resting between her slightly parted lips. Her eyes followed the model’s every move, so intently, that she didn’t notice a door opening a few feet behind the girl.

And out of it walked no one other than Alex Turner.

Scarlett, professional as ever, only turned for a second to see who had interrupted the shot and then went back to keeping her act going. Ella, trying to be professional, held back from doing more than tilting her chin up acknowledging his presence. Alex, definitely not professional, grinned at her and didn’t let his plan of spending more time with the PA be ruined by the fact that she was busy and wouldn’t take him up to going for a smoke with him outside.

So, seeing how the model turned to the camera and started playing with her hair, he mimicked the actions hoping it would make Ella laugh. Scarlett started to slide down the wall, playing with her hair; actions Alex mirrored and made everyone chuckle, even the model when she saw what he was doing in just the same enticing way. He was looking at Ella though, how she was covering her mouth but her grin was so obviously plastered on her face.

And as the hellcat kept going, he did too, with his eyes stuck on Ella and a big smirk playing on his lips. Even though that show only lasted for a minute, Ella couldn’t wash away the feeling of his burning gaze on her.

Ben had cut the scene, laughing at Alex’s actions. “Come here man, let me show you some shots we’ve got.” he waved the singer over, and obeying he walked up to the directors.

Walking past Ella he brushed his hand on her elbow and said a hey quite faintly. Warmth. That’s what she felt when he did those little things and she hated how she couldn’t fight it, very aware of how lame she was looking to herself and to anyone who noticed the way she blushed whenever he did or said something to her. Get a grip Ella, c’mon you can be professional.

For ten minutes Ben and Aaron had Alex slightly hunched over the camera’s monitor, pointing out the different angles and footage they had managed to take so far. They all laughed watching what he had just pulled a few minutes ago, Ella’s grin growing as she watched the footage from a few meters behind them.

“Does that look good?” Aaron asked him when the last clip came to a stop.

Nodding, Alex gave him the green light, “Yeah, it looks great mate.” He itched his chin and decided to share an idea he had come up with, “I was thinking maybe she could come side stage while we’re on, just having her dance along to some songs.”

Ben liked the idea, immediately agreeing with it, “Oh that would work very well in the video.”

Aaron then decided to joke around with him, “Have you considered being a director if the rockstar gig doesn't pay off?”

He laughed softly, stealing a quick glance at Ella who was grinning at him already. “Well I hadn't until now.”

After a wave of laughter from the crew, the directors ordered everyone to take a break. The filming would resume when the band was going on stage, meaning they had around forty to fifty minutes until then.

Before everyone could leave though, Alex made an invitation, “Ben, everyone is welcome to join us in our room. We have drinks and our tour crew is there as well so you can meet everyone and chat.”

Ben clapped the singer's shoulder, “Thanks dude, we’ll take you up on it. We can even record a little bit there, just you all hanging out backstage if that’s alright with the band and your crew.”

He gave the director a nod, “Of course, yeah. See you all there.” He turned around and left, not missing a chance to give Ella one final look, her eyes were on him and they shared a silent promise of seeing each other in a bit.

Of course it all was an excuse to chat with her again whilst they still had time. The band had already gone through soundcheck and the crew had set lighting and the stage up, so everything was ready for the show to start at its time and go smoothly.

He surely was getting tired of having to get filmed but he would bite his tongue for a little longer if it meant he could spend more time with the pretty girl. And yes, he had a girlfriend, but there was nothing wrong with being aware of another girl being pretty right? It’s not like he was going to kiss her or take her back to his hotel room, he was just going to share drinks and conversation with her. Friendly talk, just that.

Ten minutes later, they were being joined by the Focus Creeps crew. Introductions were thrown everywhere, especially from Ella who on her way to get a drink was making sure she had said hello to everyone.

Alex found that endearing but he couldn’t help growing impatient. He had been subtly looking around the room for her a handful of times now. Matt on the other side of the room noticed, and elbowed Jamie who was right beside him. The guitarist frowned at his friend, confused about the sudden aggression. The frown loosening when he saw him nod in Alex’s way, both of them watched him very obviously search for her and chuckled.

“He has been doing that all day, hasn’t he?” Jamie asked Matt.

Nodding, the drummer confirmed, “Yep. I’ve been giving him reminders of Alexa’s existence though, just so he doesn’t forget.” Both laughed into their red cups that were filled with beer.

After what felt much more than the five minutes she had taken, Alex saw her making her way to him. She beamed at him and he smirked at her, raising his cup to her.

She stopped right beside him, they were standing right in one of the corners of the room. “Well hello.”

“Hey Ella,” He greeted and took a sip of his bourbon, “What are you having?”

She showed him her cup, “Saw some red wine on the table and couldn’t resist.” Her faint smile breaking as she took a sip.

“You know… earlier you surprised me, I didn’t take you for a smoker.” He said, his eyebrows raised.

She frowned in curiosity, “Really?” He shrugged, nodding and she continued teasingly, “Well you’d be surprised with the things you could find out.”

He smirked at her flirting, “Like what? Got any secret talents?”

“Secret talent? You’ve got too much faith in me, I literally just told you I don’t even know how to drive stick.” Ella couldn’t help but cackle out loud.

It wasn’t only remembering the story that made him laugh, but how contagious her laughter was. His eyes were crinkled at the edges from his big grin, and she took a mental picture of it.

They continued to laugh, feeding off each other’s giggles and it was loud enough to catch the attention of a few people, including the rest of the band. Jamie pulled Matt with him and waved at Nick to join them on their quest to interrupt Alex’s interaction.

“Hey Ellie.” Matt greeted her as he threw his arm around her shoulders and hugged her to his side.

Ella blushed under the touch, not because of it making her feel something, but because she had been caught in a corner giggling and drinking with Alex. Of course the aforementioned didn’t know that was the reason behind her cheeks burning, so he was silently fuming at his friend's closeness with the girl, thinking she was blushing from their proximity. “Hi Matt.” She slightly leaned towards his side as a way to reciprocate his hug.

Alex needed a way to break the contact since it seemed Helders wasn’t thinking of getting his arm off of her, so he turned to his other two band mates.

“Ellie, this is Jamie and Nick.” He was relieved to see how she took a step forward to shake hands with the two of them, leaving Matt’s arm to fall back by his side.

She gave a shy smile and corrected the singer, “Ella, nice to meet you guys again.”

They reciprocated her grin and greeting, and she went back to standing in the middle of Alex and Matt. Their group now forming a small circle in the corner.

She was afraid of things becoming awkward now with everyone there but what Nick said next made her face drop. “Ella, you know, I can teach you how to drive manual. It isn't that hard.”

His offer was genuine, it was obvious from his facial expression but she turned to Alex and Matt with a look of betrayal, “I'm never telling you two anything ever again.” She took a swig of her drink as if that would make her embarrassment disappear.

All of them laughed, Matt being fast with his excuse. “Oh c'mon, it was too funny not to share.”

Alex immediately added, “We are kind people Ellie. Did you expect us to be selfish and keep that to ourselves?” She just rolled her eyes at their arguments, not annoyed but very embarrassed.

“I hate that I don’t even have anything to embarrass you back with, because they definitely already know the stories you told me.”

“Which ones?” Nick asked curious to know if they had told her something actually embarrassing.

She sighed, ��The american girl who thought Matt worked at the club,” They all chuckle at the memory, Matt mumbling a quiet ‘for fucks sake’ at the mention of it, “and Alex smoking right under a smoke detector in a room he wasn’t allowed to smoke.”

“Oh yeah, the twat almost got us kicked out of the venue.” Jamie pointed at Alex accusingly.

He quickly talked back, “Jamie, do you wanna get thrown under the bus as well?” to which the guitarist shook his head frowning at him, thinking what on earth he could have on him. “Then shut up before I tell her about the ice cream shop bathroom.”

Jamie blushed then. “Don't you dare, Turner.” His threat seemed very serious which only made Ella more eager to find out.

She pouted at Alex, “No, I wanna hear it now.” She elongated the last word like it would get her some pity and they’d tell her but Jamie shook his head once more looking at Alex like he was going to knee him in the balls if he dared open his mouth. “It's only fair since you heard my nightmare of a story, without my permission may I add.” She pointed out.

Alex turned to Jamie and raised his eyebrows in support of her argument. Jamie let out a heavy sigh of defeat, “Fair enough, go ahead.”

Filled with satisfaction for winning the debate, Alex started talking, “So you see, we had just landed in London after a small tour around the States, and from the airport on the way home we went to an ice cream shop and sat down there to eat. Jamie here got some coconut ice cream, wasn’t it, Cook?” He teasingly asked his friend.

Jamie had an unamused face, he just rolled his eyes and replied, “Yes, it was.”

“Well after finishing… his ice cream,” The lads, except for Jamie, laughed at the way the singer had worded that and Ella was so confused. Alex just continued after a chuckle left his lips, “He went to the bathroom to wash his hands, he says, but he hadn’t noticed how he had spilled ice cream on himself, in a very particular area that didn’t make it look like just an accidental ice cream spill.”

The silence that Alex left by the end of it was long enough for her to connect the dots and cover her mouth with her right hand, hiding her hanging jaw behind it. “Jamie, no.” She said feeling the humiliation of the anecdote building up.

The singer resumed his narration, “Mind you, the ice cream was white so the stain was pretty much very realistic. He had also taken a while in the bathroom for some reason and when he came out he was sporting the biggest smile.”

“Oh my god, that’s mortifying.” Ella was shaking her head in disbelief.

Jamie took over then, “Well it got worse when someone recognized us and we took pictures with them. This dickhead here,” He pointed towards Matt, “Said ‘Did you have a special phone call with your girlfriend or summat? Couldn’t you wait until you got home?’ pointing to my crotch in front of the lad. The poor kid looked at me wide eyed, said thank you and left quickly. I was dead confused and then I saw it.”

“You took that long to realize?” She questioned the man.

“Yeah well, my mates are actually the worst so they didn't tell me.” He shrugged, face still very serious. Ella hoped he wasn’t mad.

Matt clapped his shoulder, “We’re the best of mates Jamie, what d’you mean?”

She saw how Jamie wasn’t the slightest bit amused so she turned the conversation into another direction. “Okay Nick, looks like it’s your turn.”

Poor Nick shook his head earnestly, “Oh no, Ella.”

“Please? You’re the only one left.” She insisted with the best puppy eyes she could make.

“Fine, but just because you didn't have a say in these two sharing yours.” He agreed and she stood straighter in excitement.

The bassist took some time to browse through his memories, “It probably has to be me losing my wallets all the time, so I gave up and never got a proper wallet again. And so conveniently in one interview, they asked us all to show what we had in our wallets and the only thing I had in my pockets was a mini harmonica.”

She was expecting something as bad as Jamie’s, “But that's not even embarrassing, that’s just cute and funny.”

Matt quickly cut in the exchange to play with her, “Ellie, are you flirting with O’Malley?”

She looked at the drummer and frowned, “No Matt, shut up, I’m just saying that’s cute and funny because it is!”

He kept going, nudging her hip with his. “Oh no, that sounds to me like you're definitely chatting him up.”

Ella couldn’t help the blush that reached her cheeks, making her roll her eyes and look at the ground for a few seconds.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

“You’re annoying” she sighed, shaking her head.

“Yeah he is, but you get used to it.” Nick said to comfort her, his eyes friendly on her. He decided to bring the attention back to him so she wouldn’t feel overwhelmed by Matt’s teasing. “Wait– no. Actually, it’s probably that time I broke a huge ice sculpture at a posh event we went to.”

She gasped, “You’re joking…”

“I wish I was. It was so loud, it was impossible to just walk out and act like nothing had happened.”

She giggled then, “The cleaning people must've wanted to kill you.”

Nick’s eyes were big, remembering how distraught he was at the time. “Oh I'm sure they were. Everyone was giving me nasty looks for the rest of the night.”

Ella tried not to laugh, feeling bad for Nick who seemed to be the nicest guy she’d ever met. “I’m sorry but that’s so embarrassing.” She broke in a fit of giggles then, unable to hold it any longer.

They all started laughing with her, Nick smiling brightly at her. “It really was.” He added, feeling glad she enjoyed the brief story.

After that, it was clear she had grown more comfortable around the musicians, the conversation flowed with ease and laughter could be heard from their group every so often. They would take turns to bring everyone refills, Matt bringing the whole bottle of red wine to her at one point, telling her she should just take it seeing how fast she was going through her cups.

She refilled her cup three times in the span of fifteen minutes, the drummer teasing her about it some more. He took the cup from her hand after she finished with her third serving and started a game of building a pyramid of red cups with every cup she’d finish. Of course, everyone joined and started lining up their cups as well making it a game that now involved everyone in the room.

Tyler had started recording a few minutes ago, catching the fast growth of the stack of plastic on the table. One that ended up being punched and destroyed by its same creator.

It was a lovely time, she was enjoying herself in their presence. But, as time does when you’re having a good time, soon the crew started to scramble out of the room, and five minutes later the band was being called over to head to the stage.

She was suddenly feeling the generous amount of red she had drunk, so a slightly slurred “Break a leg guys!” was what she said before they parted ways.

“Thanks Ellie!” They all said to her. Alex left last, giving her wrist a little squeeze and a soft smile before following his best mates’ path.

She took advantage of the minutes she had while everyone from her crew went to get their stuff, to start drinking water and sobering up. A trip to the bathroom also helped her get her act together.

Twenty minutes later, they had started filming once more. Now the model was making her way from backstage to the side of the stage where the Monkeys were performing. In the background Ella could hear the quick start of ‘Pretty Visitors’, and as they went up the stairs, they felt the vibrations of the bass on their chests.

Scarlett was swiftly moving her hips, twirling on her place and looking back at the camera with those eyes of hers. They took various shots of it, and as that was done she recognized in an instant the starting chords of ‘Teddy Picker’.

She subtly scooted closer to the stage, a few feet away from the production. She looked over the band, seeing how Alex had his guitar clutched in his hands, the way his hips moved as his lips grazed the microphone with every word he sang.

The lyrics of the song came out of her naturally, she kept her voice low, to not get the attention of her bosses—not that they could hear her easily because of the crowd being so loud but she wanted to be careful still.

The filming took quite some time, Ben saying something about wanting to have the model dancing to different rhythms so that later the editing team would choose the clips that better matched the song the video was about.

When the encore came, the band came over and said a quick hello to everyone before going downstairs into the backstage area. She assumed they were gonna take this time to use the restrooms. A few minutes later, she confirmed her theory was correct and as they came back to the side of the stage, Alex approached the directors.

“We’re going to do the song now. Sorry about the late notice, we just decided it.” His voice sounded apologetic.

Aaron was quick to settle him, “It’s alright, it actually will be even better for the music video. I’m gonna send a camera to film the crowd and another one to film you from below, if that’s alright with you?”

“Sure mate, that sounds good.” Alex replied quickly before nodding and leaving to go back on stage with the rest of the guys.

Just like that, they were back on. Screams were drowning the venue, and they only got louder when Alex told them they were going to perform a new one from the album.

With one camera on them, another one on the crowd and the other two back with the directors, they went back to filming Scarlett swaying her hips to the music once more. Ella tried her best to keep some focus on her job but she was entranced by the performance and the way the band caught their audience with such ease.

The song came to an end, the people hollering was all that could be heard for a good twenty seconds. Aaron and Ben decided to wrap up the section of the video, meaning Scarlett was good to go, so Ella went over to her to thank her and send her back with Diana and the rest of the costume and makeup department.

When she was done with that, Ben sent her over to the cameramen that were in front of the stage still recording. “Make sure they record until the concert is done, stay with them. It shouldn’t be that long until then.” She just nodded, quickly following the instructions but her speed was mostly motivated by the fact that she could at least see the last of the show.

As she got to the front of the right side of the crowd, she could hear Alex singing the first verse of ‘The View From the Afternoon’. She looked up at him, smiling and singing back the lines to him. He found her and grinned, his gaze going back to his fingers on his guitar and back to her in a matter of seconds. He almost pointed at her, but realized how that would look and he didn’t want any bullshit being talked about him in the press.

He was enjoying the fact that she knew the song and so confidently was singing along with the crowd. Alex became more surprised when she also knew ‘Fluorescent Adolescent’, their last song, but he certainly would forever keep the image of her swaying hips to the song in his mind.

Once the show finished, she went over to the two cameramen and walked back into the backstage zone with them on her side. They spent the short trip back to their room talking about how crazy that was, how many people were there and how good the band was.

In the room, the crew gathered everything and some people started going over to their van with their equipment in hand. The directors and Ella went over to the band’s room to say goodbye.

“Guys, it was a pleasure seeing you today.” Ben said, shaking hands and clapping shoulders with the British men.

“We’ll see you tomorrow. Final day!” Continued Aaron, with far more energy than one would have after such a long day of work.

The bandmates said goodbye to both and then it was Ella’s turn to bid farewell. “Thank you so much for today guys. We had the best time.” She said as she went hugging each member.

They hugged her back, reciprocating her words. When she reached Alex, who was the last to embrace her, he said, “I’ll walk back with you.”

She let go and nodded, “Okay.”

He followed her as she made her way to retrieve her things and some equipment that was left, helping her with a case filled with camera chargers.

They were silent as they made their way through the hallway maze, only when they came out to the parking lot did Ella speak up, her voice glazed with nervousness. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow Ellie.” Alex gave her one last hug and she got the case from his hands.

He watched her as she walked over to the van and before she got in, she gave him a little wave and a shy smile to which he responded with a toothy grin.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Just like last time, the crew made the drive to the studio. Traffic had come down by the time they left the office so the trip was smooth and pretty calm.

The van’s atmosphere contrasted the nerves she was feeling, making her skin feel goosebumps when thinking of the day ahead.

She was glad the guys had taken her into the group so easily, making her comfortable and building enough trust to joke around with each other. What made her uneasy though was someone’s comment the night before: just before leaving the office, someone from costume design had teased her about how close she seemed with the band, and even though she knew they hadn’t meant it in a bad way, her stomach was in a knot and she couldn’t do much but shrug and brush it off.

“We were just chatting, they’re very nice.” Was what she said before saying goodbye to everyone and quickly making her way to her car.

That night she had taken longer doing her skin care routine, getting distracted by her thoughts and staring into her reflection for far longer than she realized.

Ella came back to reality when they parked outside the building, seeing the four guys sharing conversation while Jamie and Alex smoked.

Today the crew was smaller, only two cameras were going to be used and it was just four more people coming along the directors and Ella. The small group came out in little time, the band ending their chat in order to greet them.

“Ben, Aaron.” Alex said acknowledging the directors coming towards him, shaking their hands once they reached him. “Good morning everyone.” He waved at the rest of the crew behind the men.

A chorus of ‘good morning’ and ‘hello’ was heard then. Ella showed a shy grin which ended up in a full smile when the rest of the band looked at her and smiled at her presence.

“So, today’s a walk around Hollywood type of shoot right?” Ben asked Aaron for confirmation, Ella checking her clipboard and nodding at the same time as the director. “Well then, I think we could walk around these blocks, just catching you in the streets walking and we’ll see where the day takes us.”

The band nodded, somewhat tired of being recorded doing the most random things but what could they do. It was what came with the job. Their dream job.

And so they started making their way around the streets of Hollywood, California.

The sun hit them heavenly. Alex was wearing the leather jacket she had seen he had perched on the night before, with his usual sunglasses he had worn since they first met. Matt was also wearing sunglasses, while Jamie and Nick were facing the sunshine without any eyewear.

Their outfits were so simple but they wore them in such a way that just made them all look incredibly handsome. Anyone that laid eyes on them would be stuck in a trance for minutes just watching them do something as simple as cross the street.

Just like Ella was, completely and utterly enraptured by their presence. She tripped on a crack in the pavement and that was what brought her back to reality. She went red and only hoped no one had noticed.

Fifteen minutes they had been walking down Hollywood Boulevard, when Matt pointed excitedly at a building just a couple feet away from them. Arcade read the sign, in massive white letters. “Let’s go there, I’m sure we can film inside.”

Jamie sighed, just wanting to be done with the music video and rest. “Do we have to?”

Matt insisted, “C’mon mate, it’ll be fun.” Ella found it funny how much he sounded like a child trying to convince his parents to take him somewhere.

Ben then aided the drummer’s argument, “We can get the rest of the footage there while you all play, and we can have lunch as well.”

His suggestion had Nick and Alex shrugging, Matt nodded frantically and Jamie just closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Sure, let’s go.” Finally replied the guitarist, making Matt walk a bit faster, now leading the whole group into the establishment.

They found a table beside the bar where they settled down, placing a bunch of equipment on top of the table. The guys were quick to order beer bottles for each other, convincing the production team to order some drinks as well to cool down.

Their beverages arrived not that long after, the band only taking a couple sips before deciding to stand up and go over to the game machines.

Matt patted Ben on the shoulder, “Mate we’re gonna go off to play, that alright?”

“Yes, of course, don’t worry about us.” Ben assured them but giving it a second thought, he continued, “Actually,” he turned to his left side, reaching over a camcorder placed on top of the table and then directed his words towards Ella who was sitting in front of him, “Why don’t you go with them and record them playing? You know your way around working with cameras so it shouldn’t be a problem. Plus you seem to get on with them quite well.” He placed the device on her hands which she had hesitantly put forward.

Fuck! Ella yelled in her mind. To her this could only mean one thing: Ben had noticed how close she had gotten to the musicians and if he had then Aaron had noticed as well. Her freak out lasted a few seconds before she saw things in a new light since she realized her boss hadn’t made a big deal out of it or signaled it becoming an issue that got her in trouble at work. He had noticed, she guessed, but he hadn’t said a thing and maybe that meant it was alright. And if that was alright with the heads of the production company, then it should be alright with her.

Her internal debate felt like it went on for minutes but it had only been the longest five seconds she’d ever experienced. “Oh– sure, yes.” She stood up, taking the camera in one hand and her beer bottle on the other.

Matt nodded at her and started walking towards the guys who were waiting for him a few feet away from the table.

“Ellie! Are you joining us?” Asked Nick, glad to see her hanging out with them again. He found her a nice girl and very fun company.

She lifted the camera up, “It’s my job to torment you all now.” A smirk on her face to tease them, she could clearly see how bad they wanted the filming process to be over.

“Good that you’re getting this all on tape ‘cause yous are getting smoked today.” Matt cheekily said, claiming victory early.

She raised one of her eyebrows, “You think too highly of yourself, Helders.”

The drummer was quick to deny her statement, “No, I’m just aware of my skills.”

“I’d say your ego is going to be your worst enemy today, actually.” She taunted him.

He huffed trying to prove his point, and walked to the first machine that caught his attention, “Okay then, we shall start with this one.” He made his way to the boxing machine.

Nick grabbed Matt’s bottle from his hand so he could punch the bag, and said, “Ten quid Ella beats Helders on this one.”

“Thanks for the faith Nick.” Ella winked at him jokingly and Alex caught her expression, and whilst he found her even more attractive when she did it, he was the littlest bit disappointed it hadn’t been directed to him.

As if he was in the middle of a boxing match, Matt was on guard and moving his feet imitating a boxer’s moves. The camcorder in her hands was rolling, capturing the moment. “Ready?!” his question flying in the air a second before throwing a right hook to the tiny bag.

The red numbers automatically went up all the way until they hit 857. Matt turned around with a massive grin on his face, “Your turn now, Ellie.” He made a gesture for her to approach the game.

She turned to Alex and handed him her bottle, “Hold this for me please,” handing Jamie the camera right after. She made her way to the machine, and jumped a little on her spot letting her arms loose for a little to relax before getting on guard.

“Let’s go Ellie!” loudly cheered Nick, Jamie to his left had the camera in hand focused on her.

With that encouragement she threw a punch to the bag, the numbers climbing fast and reaching the 840s. They were all looking intently as they kept going up making it to 850, going up one more before it stopped.

Matt hollered loudly and anyone could think he had won the lottery not an arcade game against a friend—but hey, that’s men with their pride when it comes to games. He proceeded to take his beer from Nick's hand and down what he had left in celebration.

She clapped her hands, “Well done, Helders.”

“Glad to see you aren’t a sore loser, Ella.” he replied, throwing his arm around her shoulders.

She gave into his action, appreciating the friendly contact and leaning into him as they walked. “I would love to say the same about you but I have the feeling that would be a lie.” she teased, elbowing him on the ribs softly.

Alex walked up to Ella and gave her her drink back, hoping she would take it and leave Matt’s side. His best friend was getting more comfortable around the girl than he’d like to see, and for once Matt had the advantage of actually being single to do anything he’d like.

Fucking hell.

To his relief, Ella grabbed her glass back after giving him a small thank you and then walked to Jamie to retrieve the recording device.

Nick started walking ahead for a few seconds before he stopped and turned to the PA. “How about we race with our favorite driver?” He joked and everyone laughed, even her.

She faked hurt, a hand over her heart, “And here you were becoming my favorite.” She sniffled to seem more dramatic but chuckled right after.

Jamie and Matt went first against each other, leaving their glasses on top of the machines. Curses and insults were thrown all throughout the course of the race, making the laughter of the group loud and continuous. Ella hoped the footage wasn’t too shaky and it could be used in the video.

Just as the last lap was coming to its end, Jamie threw Matt off the road and won the race. The drummer went back on the road to finish the course, and once that was done, he shoved his friend, “You cheating bastard!” Jamie just kept laughing, getting off the seat.

Matt rolled his eyes, completely annoyed, and then said, “Right. Al, Ella, your turn now.”

Alex took a seat on the machine to the right, “Thank God this one isn’t manual right Ellie?” He teased, turning to see her with a smirk on his face.

The three other guys laughed hard at the comment and she looked at him fake offended, “Ha-ha, so funny Alex.” Ella rolled her eyes and turned back to the screen, a couple clicks later their race started.

Silence overcame the group as they watched how Ella had left Alex behind and got a good advantage, which he never at one point managed to overcome.

Nick chuckled into his bottle, “Fucking hell, Alex you do know winning means being first not fifth, right?”

“Shut up.” The singer muttered before going back into silence to focus on the game.

Not even a minute later she had won first place by far, turning to Alex with an amused face, taking a sip of her drink and then faking a yawn to tease him. He turned to her when she made the noise, crossing the finish line at the same time.

“Damn, finally. You were taking your sweet time.” She got up and left him there, sat and humbled.

The guys were doing the worst job at trying to stop their laughter from leaving their chests, it only took Alex taking a glance from Ella to the game’s screen and back for them all to explode.

She waved at them, walking away, “Let’s go before he starts crying.” The lads quickly joined her as she continued walking into the arcade.

Alex caught up with them, coming to walk beside her. “If you had raced Matt, he would’ve definitely cried.”

The mentioned turned around quickly to refute the statement his friend had made, “If she had raced me, she would’ve lost.”

“Sure, whatever you say mate.” Alex replied and then turned to Ella. They looked into each other's eyes and shared a good quiet laugh.

The group kept walking further into the place, stumbling into the basketball hoops. Matt, of course, stopped there and turned to challenge Ella once more.

“How about this one Ellie? You against me.” The brit proposed very confidently.

She only shrugged downplaying her excitement, “Sure, why not?” She gave Alex the camera this time and placed her almost empty bottle on the table behind them.

Matt stood in front of the machine on the right, “Ready to lose Ella?”

She cackled, cracking her knuckles, “You’d be surprised.”

Nick felt like something was going to happen so he said, “Again, ten quid Ella beats Matt.” and Alex accepted the bet, recording his hand shake with the bassist. Ella glared at him and shook her head.

Matt scoffed at his friends, “Mate you’re gonna lose all your money if you keep placing shit bets.”

Ignoring Matt’s comment, she turned around and said, “I won't let you down Nick, I promise.”

With that promise, they started the game. Ella wasn’t missing any hoops and when Matt realized he just yelled, “What the actual fuck?!”

Ella laughed and kept going, the time running out and when it briefly buzzed as they only had twenty seconds left, she felt the drummer leave his place to start blocking her shots. “Matthew! Move!” She said loudly in between laughs, trying to make more points but she could only manage three more as the man in front of her wouldn’t let her.

The buzzer loudly went off and the points on the board showed how poorly Matt had performed.

He turned shocked to look at her, “Did you even miss one?!”

She threw her hair over her shoulder, smiling proudly. “Of course not, I was the best shot at my middle and high school team, that would’ve been an insult to my younger self.”

The loser crossed his arms, “That's cheating then, you’re basically a professional.”

A loud cackle left her and shaking her head, Ella walked over to his side. “Oh c’mon Helders, you aren’t pulling excuses now, are you?” She nudged him with her hip and he smiled down at her playfully.

He shrugged, pressing his lips together to try and not smile at her teasing, “I'm just saying it's an unfair advantage.”

“Sure, sure.” She rolled her eyes before they both started laughing, Nick and Jamie joining.

Alex was still holding the camera in his hand, but looking at the floor, silently fuming at how close Matt and Ella looked. Growing jealous over how much she smiled from their banter or how she seemed to make contact with him out of her own will.

He of course knew he had no right to be jealous, he was in a relationship and they were barely even friends, but he couldn’t not feel unsettled by it. There was no denying he found her attractive, and if he was single maybe he would’ve tried to chat her up but he wasn’t, so he had to bite his tongue and deal with it. Well, put it away, more like.

Ella went towards Alex and got the camcorder from him, “Thanks Al.” She said and gave him a tight lip smile.

He was confused as to why she seemed easily flirty with Matt or Nick but not with him. And maybe she didn’t even notice that she was doing it but he thought maybe that meant she didn’t even see him that way. Yet all she did around him was go shy and blush and that was enough to confuse him.

What he didn’t know—because how could he know if he had just met her once before—, was that she could never flirt when she wanted to with whom she wanted to. Yes, she could seem flirty with Nick and Matt but she actually wanted to flirt with Alex, because she found him very attractive and there was something about him that just drew her in, but she couldn’t do it for the life of her. She just blushed and was a mess with words, she didn’t know what she should say to impress him or keep him in conversation, enough for him to be the slightest interested in her.

They didn’t know better. She was hoping with time, she could learn to read him and he was wishing for the same thing, not wanting to really let the pretty girl be a thing of the past anytime soon.

As they made their way back to the table they passed a Street Fighter machine and they all took turns going against each other. Alex and Matt went three times to settle a tie—which Alex ended up winning and Matt whining about.

When Jamie dared Ella to play, she accepted but had absolutely no clue what to do. The game started and she just kept pressing buttons randomly, moving the joystick everywhere. The group was a mess of laughter and she was obviously losing in the most pathetic way but she was enjoying herself so she didn’t mind making herself look like an idiot.

Jamie was laughing harder than she had ever heard him do, “You’re wank at this!”

“I know.” Ella managed between chuckles, her eyes watering and her stomach hurting from the laughter.

Once she lost, and they all caught their breaths again, they made their way back to where the crew was sitting.

The group settled around in the empty seats, Ella giving the camera back to the directors, who thanked her. Menus were now on the table, so they got tempted into ordering some lunch at the place.

Twenty minutes of chatter later, with their hot plates now in front of them, they all shared the appetizers.

In the middle of the conversation, Nick turned to the directors and Ella who was sitting beside them. “You should all come around the show later tonight.”

Ben swallowed his food and gave him a sad smile, “We would love to but we have a call to do and things to arrange for next week's projects.” He explained pointing to himself and Aaron.

Jamie turned to her then, “What about you Ella?” and Alex telepathically thanked his friend, because he had been wanting to ask her about it for almost an hour.

Covering her mouth with her hand as she swallowed, she nodded. “I’m free tonight so sure I’ll be there.”

“Great, it starts at 8 but come over earlier so you can hang out before we go on.” The guitarist told her with a soft smile.

She nodded, excitement bubbling up in her belly, and she tried not to let it shine through her face as the conversation around the table continued.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

She tried, she really tried getting there in time but traffic had ruined her plans. Despite leaving her house at six, she had only gotten to the venue a little over twenty minutes before the show was set to start.

Finding a parking spot had been a nightmare, and getting into the venue had given her a slight headache. That’s why she made her way through the now familiar venue, with a lit cigarette between her fingers—checking of course if there were any signs that prohibited it before going in.

When she reached the hallway their room was at, she could hear the chatter bouncing on the walls.

She took a long drag of her cigarette and reached the door, letting the smoke out of her lungs through the side of her mouth before saying, “Hi everyone.” Her tone was weaker than usual because she was there all alone, and not for work. She was there as a friend, or that’s what she’d like to consider herself to them now.

“Ella!” shouted Nick, throwing his hands up in the air.

She stepped into the room, waving at the people around, hugging the band members one by one—Jamie leaving for a quick few seconds to get her a cup of wine.

The guitarist gave her the red plastic cup, now half filled with liquid, “We don’t have red today but I hope you like rosé.”

She nodded, “I do, thanks Jamie.”

Alex tested his theories then, pulling Matt’s trick. “I almost thought you weren’t coming.” His leather clad arm came around her shoulders and pulled her into his side.

Ella took a gulp of her drink, hiding her burning cheeks and wide eyes behind the cup. “Oh yeah, uhm, sorry.” She cleared her throat before explaining, “I got stuck in traffic and getting a parking space was a nightmare, there’s still so many people outside.”

Nick looked at Alex, frowning slightly as if to demand an explanation for his behavior. The singer noticed his mate’s glare but decided to clearly ignore him, his arm still around Ella and not planning to move anytime soon.

But it seemed like tonight it wouldn’t be his friends reminding him of his girlfriend that cut his time short with Ella, a few beats of time later, people started scurrying out of the room and to the stairs that led to the stage.

“Let’s go lads, you’re on in ten.” yelled someone from outside the room, their steps echoing as they left.

Alex sighed and took his arm off her, “You can watch us from the side stage if you don’t want to get in the crowd.” His suggestion came accompanied by a soft smile.

She nodded, still dazed by his long contact with her. “Yeah, I’ll be there in a few.”

They started to leave the room, drinks in hand. “Enjoy the show!” said Nick before making his way through the doorway and out of her sight.

Ella downed the rest of her wine, being cheeky and pouring herself another glass before going to the bathroom to calm down. Her burnt out cigarette being tossed into the trash.

Her reflection stared back at her flushed. The kind of flushed that she couldn’t get from just a single serving of alcohol. Ugh, Ella snap out of it! She said to herself, annoyed at how easy it was for him to get a reaction out of her. Her face only grew redder thinking about how the other guys must’ve definitely also noticed it.

Opening the tab, she let the cold water wet her hands and then patted them on her cheeks, hoping it would bring down the color on her face. She shook her hands in the air when she noticed there weren't any paper towels in the dispenser. With a deep breath and a final look at herself in the mirror, she grabbed her cup and left.

The side of the stage was a place she knew she’d love to spend her time permanently on, even though she was afraid of tripping with the amount of wires and tape that were on the floor and the speakers bursting her eardrums. She loved it.

She was dancing and singing to every song, going harder to ‘Teddy Picker’, which Alex and Jamie noticed. Jamie stepped backwards and danced with her while playing the chords swiftly.

And as the gig went by, Alex kept stealing glances over to the side at her and how she knew every line to every song. Was she a fan before we met? He was impressed by how good she had been at keeping her cool when they met her then, if that was the case. He would look for answers after they were done.

When they reached the encore and the lads got off stage, Ella went over to them, “You guys are amazing! Holy shit!”

Matt chuckled, “Thanks.” he said out of breath before chugging down a new beer bottle.

“I’m gonna go down to the side when you guys get back on. I wanna see this madness up close.” She was excited, the crowd was amazing and she wanted to be a part of it.

Alex nodded, “Just be careful with the stairs over there.”

She smiled at him and turned to make her way to the side of the crowd, in front of the barrier. Everyone was chanting for them to come back and give them another song, herself joining to the demands.

The four of them came back on stage waving, and the screams were deafening. How can they even scream that loud? Her throat was hurting just from hearing them.

“Alright Los Angeles, we’ve got three more for you. Are you ready?” Alex asked into the microphone, brushing his hair back with his right hand, the left one holding the neck of his guitar.

The crowd didn’t miss the opportunity to rip their vocal chords once more and they started playing ‘The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala’.

There was no doubt every scream that filled the room was excused, Alex’s presence was immaculate with the stage light hitting him just right. And when he looked at her and sang ‘Makes me wanna blow the candles out, just to see if you glow in the dark’, she swore she melted. He had winked at her right after, a big smile breaking on her face and she joined the chorus singing ‘Shalala’s.

Ella’s trance was broken by an arm behind her tapping her shoulder, she looked behind her and saw someone waving a big piece of paper folded to her, signaling for her to throw it on stage. She grabbed it and did her best to throw it at Alex who was currently singing. Lucky for her and the owner of the sign, he noticed and crouched down to get it.

He unfolded it and laughed into the mic, turning it around and holding it over his head for the crowd to see, while he kept singing the verses.

Helders = God

She burst out laughing, the crowd screaming at the words on the paper. He put it down after a few seconds and, when the song was over, turned to show it to his bandmates. Matt loved the praise, so he laughed into his mic and said “Cheers”.

The setlist was the same, as she realized the last two songs were just like the ones she had managed to see the night before. She enjoyed them, nevertheless, absorbing the energy from the room and dreading the fact that the concert was approaching its end.

Alex said goodbye to the crowd when ‘Fluorescent Adolescent’ was done, thanking them for coming tonight. Matt threw his sticks to the crowd, for which Ella definitely saw people fighting over. Nick and Jamie waving goodbye after setting their instruments in their stands.

She made her way back into the backstage area with a giant grin and still feeling the bass vibrating on her chest. “If that was that crazy, I can’t even begin to imagine how Glastonbury was.”

They were all sweaty—Matt having gone straight to their greenroom to take a shower—standing in the middle of the hallway waiting for her to catch up to go to their room.

“Glastonbury was mad, but tonight was pretty good.” Jamie said before lighting up a cigarette.

Alex took his chance then to interrogate her, “So Ellie, I couldn’t help but notice how you knew all the lyrics to the songs…”

Ella rolled her eyes at him, blushing slightly but this time because she had been caught. “Well, after filming ‘Brick by Brick’ I started listening to your music. You aren’t that bad, I guess.” She smirked and shrugged, downplaying it.

He shook his head, puffing his chest out to say, “We are very far from bad, actually.”

She nodded and then sarcastically added, “And from humble too.”

Nick and Jamie laughed at the witty remark, Alex sticking to shaking his head and looking down to hide his grin.

“Smart-arse.” The singer said after picking his head up.

When they got back into the room, she went over to the trash to throw away her cup. Looking at the time on her phone and she found herself sad knowing she had to leave soon, she turned to them with a pout on her face, “Pains me to say this, but I gotta get going.”

“Awh, Ellie.” Nick pouted as well and went over to hug her.

She hugged him back, “Sorry guys, but I hope to see you soon.” She patted Nicks back twice before turning over to Jamie who had his arms out waiting for her embrace. “Thank you for having me tonight.”

“It’s no problem, we really appreciate you coming.” Jamie replied while rubbing circles on her back.

She started to walk over to Alex who was still standing near the door to hug him goodbye but he was quick to say, “I’ll walk you to your car.”

She waved her hand dismissing his idea, he didn’t have to go out of his way to do that, “No, don’t worry–”

But he insisted, “Yes, c’mon. I’ll go with you.” to which she gave him a playful roll of her eyes and a smile.

“Alright then.” She turned to wave back at the boys again, “Say bye to Matt for me?”

Both of them nodded and waved back at her, watching her and Alex disappear through the door.

Alex and Ella were walking in silence for a few seconds, their shoes thumping against the floor but she broke it very soon after she found herself thinking back to the gig and the songs she was growing obsessed with, “I’m actually really excited for Suck it and See.” She put some hair behind her ear, looking at him.

“Do you wanna get a copy and some merch?” He asked suddenly, she got confused at the offer.

Frowning all she could mutter was, “Huh?”

He just laughed at her reaction, “I can get you on the PR list so you can get it delivered when it comes out.”

Ella’s eyes lit up, an excited grin breaking on her face, “Oh my God, would you really?”

“Of course, it’s really no big deal. We’re mates now, gotta get the mates perks right?” Alex said, pulling his cigarette pack from his pocket.

“Oh I would love that, thank you.” she nodded as she accepted. Mates, that’s what we were, mates, and she was fine with it.

He lit up the stick between his lips and blew some smoke out, “It’s no problem, really.”

She kind of wished the walk could’ve been longer, but they reached her car faster than she expected. It was time to say goodbye and she didn’t really know how to act. She wasn’t going to see him until the next music video which still had no proper date, just an approximation of it being in August—two months from then.

“Well,” Ella started, fumbling with the keys in her hands, “Until the next music video I guess?”

Alex nodded, taking the cigarette out of his lips to talk, “Until the next music video.”

She unlocked her car, opening the door slightly and turned before getting inside to give him a brief hug, “See you soon then, Al.”

Her scent engulfed him as soon as she opened her car and even more when she wrapped her arms around him. He reciprocated the embrace and the contact was making him get stuck on his thoughts, taking a good five seconds before replying, “See you soon Ellie.”

She smiled as she let go of him, getting inside her car and closing the door. She ignited the engine of her car and started backing up, waving at him before changing gears and stepping on the gas, leaving him behind, with half a cigarette left to smoke and somehow her perfume overpowering the burning tobacco.

He was sure he would think of her for far longer than acceptable, and he would be counting down the days until the next music video was set to be done.

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A/N: What did you think about this one then? I hope you liked seeing their dynamics grow, they are all so much fun to write! From now on chapters are coming every other week, so part 3 will be posted on the 24th! This is just so we can have plenty of Constant Repeat to last us a while and I can finish the series without rushing it, hope you understand x Thank you so much for reading again, I truly appreciate it. See you soon!!!!!

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @red---moon @kennedy-brooke @faveficz @indierockgirrl @ladydraculasthings @moonvr @unwantedlovergirl @eaglestar31