I was always afraid to become the old lady that takes a handful of pills to survive. But chronic pain and disabilities don't give you that choice. So instead I've decided to embrace the fact that not only do I take magical pills that help me focus, but so do other ADHD baddies 💅

I love going and sitting by the ocean. It's soothing and regulating to my nervous system. I always get visited by the local ravens, coming to see if I have a snack to share. ❤️ Follow @cptsdwarrior_pokingholes Follow my Blog and Subscribe to my YouTube channel at the link in my bio @cptsdwarrior_pokingholes Sharing my healing journey so that you feel seen, heard, held and supported. You're not alone! ❤️ Don't forget to heart, comment, share and save this post for later. ✌❤ #nature #cptsd #childhoodtrauma #complextrauma #complexptsd #developmentaltrauma #relationaltrauma #cptsdwarrior #thebodykeepsthescore #somatichealing #innerchildhealing #nervoussystemregulation #healingjourney #cyclebreaker #mentalhealthadvocate #traumainformed #selfcare #selfcompassion #selflove #selfpreservation https://www.instagram.com/p/CmLawEKLcvm/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

I Never Wish to Be Called Resilient Again

Why do we feel guilt when it comes to change? We become so wrapped in what we are letting go of that we sometimes forget what we are running toward. How do you release guilt? How do you move forward from what you've always known? Let's discuss this.

Daily writing promptWhat was the best compliment you’ve received?View all responses “I just have to say, I’m so proud of you for being so strong and living all on your own, leaving just because you were unhappy. It takes a lot of strength to walk away without some big thing happening.”You ever hear someone say something to you, and you just know that they and the other person listening to the…

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You deserve everything your heart desires.

No more revolutions….. ☀️ #roadtospirit #poem #averagepoetry #poetry #spirituality #spiritual #meh #breakthecycle #cyclebreaker #chooseyou https://www.instagram.com/p/CgzokO6NFLn/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

*hands you this* it’s crismum, merry crisis y’all

Colored version

@ependadrawsguildwars2

@commanderchronicles

- Hey, psst, wanna ask my Henry's questions? They're all ears.

- Look at them! Them 💕

———

- If you have any questions (hint hint) or requests, check out my inbox!

discliamer since i havent really done that for these kinds of posts and i feel like this one is worded in a more demanding way than i usually do: any post of mine regarding what the ccs "should" do is less me actually wanting them to do what i say and more me speculating on the kinds of actions that they could take, not cause i think im smart or tactical or anything but because this is my idea of what fun is

im watching the tower vod rn and i think the only real way to deal with minute and jumper at this point in the server is to. not

like it probs wont be satisfying to the PlayersTM considering the kind of ppl they are (proactive, confrontational, plays along with the spirit of the server, self-focused morals) but considering the kind of ppl minute and jumper are (reactive, avoidant, prioritizes survival even if it means not great content, normative morals) i think its the only real way to engage with them when it comes to this kind of recursive conflict

like everytime they confront one another it keeps circling back to this moral debate regarding the ethics of killing ppl on fucking Lifesteal of all things and i highly doubt its ever gonna stop (at least for this season) considering none of the new members have really been traumatized the lifesteal way, i dont mean regular smp trauma like war and betrayal and all that jazz cause theyve already got that, i mean Lifesteal trauma: the realization that everything is a cycle, that good and evil doesnt matter, that feeling of hope shattering over and over again, that realization that in the grand scheme of things your ideals dont matter and the only thing you can truly hope for in the server are teammates and allies that wont backstab you, and that even then thats a tall order

so back to Not dealing with jumpertech, i dont mean forgetting what they did, i mean actively avoiding them, acting irrationally scared of them even when theyre being civil, fully putting them in the role of big scary villains, basically still putting what they did at the very forefront but acting like its an insurmountable trauma, planting doubt in their status as heroes, continually being the aggressors just cements in their minds that yes they are the heroes and that yes they are doing the good things

like whether the PlayersTM like it or not this is an unstoppable force vs immovable object kind of situation except the unstoppable force has more to lose by virtue of having a goal that can easily be tided by the immovable object

and i do think they can pull it off, they can lose a fight and lose so much that it breaks their spirit, like jumpertech have both been in kings, they both know how determined at least zam and mapicc are, surely it would be really offputting to see someone youre so used to seeing never giving up to do just that

some more cyclebreaker zoo stuff that spawned from discussion on what would happen if sam met bendy!

au belongs to @angelofthepage :]

Growing up in an abusive home environment made me question everything about myself. I even question my own thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, I struggle with knowing what is the right thing to say or post. Is this okay? Is somebody going to be offended? Is somebody not going to like me anymore? Am I going to be left alone? My brain is constantly trying to keep me safe. Hypervigilance is so exhausting, but it was how I survived in my dysfunctional family. Now, when I notice I'm being Hypervigilant I acknowledge what I'm feeling, locate where I feel it in my body, and I thank my brain and body for keeping me safe. Then, I try to ground myself in the present moment by feeling the ground or the chair beneath me. I look around the room, orient to my surroundings, and remind myself that I'm not that little girl anymore. I remind myself that I'm a grown woman with children of my own and many accomplishments that I am proud of. I remind myself that I am allowed to talk about what happened to me. That I am a grown up. That I am safe. Post ❤️ if you relate. Follow @cptsdwarrior_pokingholes Follow my Blog and Subscribe to my YouTube channel at the link in my bio @cptsdwarrior_pokingholes Sharing my healing journey so that you feel seen, heard, held and supported. You're not alone! ❤️ Don't forget to heart, comment, share and save this post for later. ✌❤ #cptsd #hypervigilance #copingmechanism #copingskills #affirmations #orient #childhoodtrauma #complextrauma #complexptsd #developmentaltrauma #relationaltrauma #cptsdwarrior #thebodykeepsthescore #somatichealing #innerchildhealing #nervoussystemregulation #healingjourney #cyclebreaker #mentalhealthadvocate #traumainformed #selfcare #selfcompassion #selflove #selfpreservation https://www.instagram.com/p/CmHNSOmppTA/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Confronting The Way It's Always Been

I once had someone who told me that you grow more scared of the world and of risk as you get older, I had someone else tell me that my entire worth hinged on my value and utility to others. Both were incorrect.

Daily writing promptWrite a letter to your 100-year-old self.View all responses                 It is never a comforting thing to learn that the “thing that just happens sometimes and always has” is not, in fact, normal or healthy. That way things have always been is not the best or most productive way for you to live. It can be difficult, facing down what you’ve always feared. I am not okay. I…

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“This user’s father once told them, that just because we’re born of darkness... doesn’t mean we belong to it.” “This user is what they call a Cyclebreaker. Once upon a time, they knew how to start The Cycle over.” “This user said, can they get an amen?”

the knowledge that ted has helped guide richmond to be a healthier and more supportive place and now we're seeing nate returning to the fold after being forgiven by beard the way ted had forgiven and offered a second chance to beard himself and jamie has a support system and rebecca has been growing more self-assured and open and keeley has been able to achieve so much and roy has become a great coach and an even better man and and and and-

and. all the foreshadowing about ted going back to america. learning that not only was ted trying to give michelle space, but that he's been afraid of hurting his son the way his dad hurt him - acknowledging that and being open about his pain with his mother. do i think that ted is going back to kansas? yeah. but i'm scared that his time in richmond will have changed him so much that he won't be able to step out of his life there so easily anymore. he's always been a coach, yeah? he's there, and so supportive, but at the end of the day he's on the sideline. but not only has ted been helping encourage openness, forgiveness, and growth around him, we're seeing it within himself. and it hurts to think of him leaving that behind, even if it is to be there for his son. but maybe he's ready for it. i don't really know. but seeing how much love he's brought into richmond and then seeing that love returned back to him makes the idea of leaving heartwrenching

Hi!!!!

Do you have any hcs for how Alicole would try and solve and argument with the kids? Like, their dynamic (especially Aegon with Alicole cause he’s the oldest) is just so interesting and I’ve always wondered how an argument/disagreement would play out with them

ooh, tasty concept.

with arguments amongst the children, they try and get them to take a step back. they'll each take a kid (or two if it involves all of them) and give them a hug or something of the like, easing the tensions, before helping them come to some sort of compromise or agreement.

when it comes to non petty arguments that every child has, the source of issues amongst the kids is the following;

with Aegon they have to settle his need to compensate for feeling as though he is lacking. he tends to pick on his siblings when he's feeling down on himself. so it's a lot of affirming words and hugs while also chiding his cruel behavior. he's definitely hard on himself about being cruel as well, he doesn't like being mean it just sorta comes out of him when he's not in good spirits about himself. he shoves his siblings away over little things when he's upset which only makes him feel worse in the long run. the whole situation makes it hard to parent, as it's not right how he treats his siblings at times, but it's also awful how he feels and how it presents itself. there's typically long talks after the fact. Aegon's usually in his dad's arms, more often than not, while he mom comforts him.

with Aemond it's cooling his temper and frustration, deep breaths and grounding. they remind him that he can't let every jab get a rise out of him, that he always had them to turn to when he needs help, that he's not alone to handle his anger. they try and learn more and more each time, what triggers his anger, what helps him calm down, what to avoid, etc. sometimes he needs to just be held other times he needs a moment alone to breathe. they also try and help him learn how to self regulate and also make his siblings aware that he's getting upset prior to him lashing out (they also talk to them about it).

with Helaena, arguments tend to be because she thinks so differently from her brothers. not only is she a girl in a house of boys, but also because she's autistic (I was the autistic 'sister' in a house of boys for most of my life, it definitely brewed some unique arguments, and I'm gonna project god damn it), their ways of thinking and doing are so different sometimes that she just loses it. so with her, they let her talk, they let her ramble and decompress until she can ground herself, then they have to try and explain the boys point of views, how they see may not be the right way, nor is hers, neither are, but they have to learn to agree. then it's hugs and kisses and talking it out, before they go back to hashing it out with the boys.

Daeron's the most agreeable with the siblings, very adhd coded in my mind (so I'm going to project my brother onto him cause they're very copy pasted in my mind) so when he gets into an argument it's because he's going too fast, too passionate, and/or too much. so again, like most of their children, it's grounding first talking later. like Helaena, they have to explain that the way he is isn't bad or wrong, but that's sometimes we need to slow down, take a breath, cool off, and than continue.

with arguments they take their kids separately, normally separated into different rooms and they visit them together. depending on the exact situation they may just offer hugs and softness, or they'll play a slight game of good cop/bad cop, though they're careful with it. the goal is to solve the problem, not slap a bandaid on it. they tend to each kids needs before handling the actual issue at hand and then being them together to find a solution.

they can both be soft and stern in their own ways. Cole is typically softer on them, as he gets to their levels, takes them close while talking, but he has a stern voice and makes it clear he's willing to put a foot down if need be. while Alicent tends to be a bit more formal and stereotypically authoritative, sitting at the table with them, even if she holds their hands in hers and pulls their chairs close so she can stroke their cheeks.

normally the kids can make right up, or at least come to peaceful terms, but if it doesn't, cause kids can hold grudges like no one's business, Alicent and Cole are forced to remain wholly neutral which is much harder than one would think. most of their fights that lead to grudges are very childish so it's really just waiting for them to crack and realize it was a stupid argument. this is made easier when they don't get involved, so they just laugh amongst themselves where the kids can't see them, and try and keep face in front of them (they can smell weakness and betrayal. send help. a 4 kids household isn't easy). they definitely have moments where they wave the white flag cause one of the kids accused them of siding. the "get along" shirt is also an active and well worn member of the family (Aegon and Aemond share it often)

this video is very much Aegon and Daeron. they feud often. they're either acting like Aegon is a second dad to him, or they are actually going to war and have been sworn enemies for generations, fighting a battle to honor their forefathers (Alicent and Criston are so tired). speaking of Aegon being a second dad, he definitely oversees a lot of arguments between Daeron and his friends... does he understand little kid drama? no. is it entertaining as all hell? you fucking bet, he wants to hear all about what little James did at daycare.

when the kids are arguing with them, which with the way they run the house is pretty rare, but not impossible, they first take a step back for themselves. they will never show anger or cruelty towards their kids, so they make sure they're ok before they even think about talking to their kids.

talking will always be their goal, they never want to use threats or punishments to get what they want from their kids, and they have different ways about it. because their kids know how their household works, that things work on their time, and that just being open and honest, they really just need a day or two to themselves, if the reason for arguing isn't time sensitive, and then they can just take it out.

Aegon is sulky, he just closes himself in his room or flees to a friend's house (which they let happen so long as he leaves a note, leaves his location on his phone, and checks in every few hours) if its really bad. he'll drag himself back to the kitchen table in 48 hours tops, wanting nothing more than for his mom and dad to love him again (they never stopped).

Aemond is just frustrated past reason, so he'll go out and fence with his dummy or just something physical, then he's more willing to listen to reason.

Helaena normally had a boundary or nerve pushed, which was normally accidental, either cause she was already frustrated with something or something changed and it just put both parties in bad positions. space is all she needs.

Daeron is a bit of all the above. he's sensitive, though hard to cross, its often more about other things, something his parent did just broke the camels back, so a long run brings everything back to reason.

Alicent and Criston care so much about their kids, every argument they have with their kids, typically one-sided as they refuse to truly yell, breaks their heart whether or not they did anything or not. they never plan to punish their kids for arguing, they were kids once and they know that its good that they feel safe enough to stand up and fight for what they believe to be true, that they feel safe to shout and disagree with them. they would rather that over anything else, cause they know their kids trust them.

while they aren't permissive with their kids, their are rules and hard limits, they don't count arguing as something to be punished, and their kids don't tend to strand into punishable territories. so resolving a fight is a long talk at the kitchen table, no man's land so to speak, where all parties air their grievances. the problem is discussed, apologies are said on all sides, and sometimes it doesn't always end in a hug, but it does end in feelings being soothed and bridges mended. no one walks away with hard feelings.

they're not perfect, but they make it work, and because they've put so much time and effort into making their home safe and sane, the whole family in therapy, making active efforts to be nothing like their first "home" true arguments are far and few between, and when they happen they're equipped to handle it. Alicent and Cole are such good parents, their kids love and trust them, theirs so much space to talk and negotiate and handle issues early on that there typically isn't any reason to fight. I think that's what makes them such a good family, cause its so hard for me to picture them actually fighting outside of petty things.