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aspenforest732 · 5 months

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Mortem ad Wrens Chapter 14: To Break the Chains

Summary:

tw: calorie tracking, ed behaviors, food insecurity, intrusive thoughts, body flashback Internship starts

Notes:

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a nutritionist and am just trying to not throw complete nonsense in here. Please don’t take any of the nutrition plan stuff as advice, especially since I’m trying to adjust things to loosely make sense with Akira’s quirk. 'text' JSL text thoughts

“Amajiki!” Fat Gum called out, grinning widely as he made his way to the pair. “Good to see you again, and you must be Akira Mori. Let’s get you settled and then we can grab lunch!”

Akira grinned, bowing at the introduction. ‘I look forward to working with you, Fat Gum. Thank you for the opportunity.’

“No need to be so formal with us, Mori. You have quite the quirk, and I have some preliminary ideas to help with your drawback. Our patrol will start at six, so we’ll be showing you the ropes of paperwork.”

As Fat Gum talked about Esuha City and his community programs, Akira felt eyes on them. Without missing a beat, they started looking around more at the shops and sights Fat Gum described while flashing a quick ‘watching us’ to Amajiki. As the trio were stopped by a sweet bun shop owner for samples, Akira casually positioned themselves to look back on the street and spotted Mouse, one of Fat Gum’s sidekicks, in the crowd. They took an offered sweet bun, biting in before signing ‘clear.’

Fat Gum chuckled, “You’ve got good instincts, kid.” He signaled Mouse to move on, who to Akira’s pleasure looked surprised. “You want to be an underground hero, right?”

Akira nodded, ‘It’ll give the cover and flexibility I need to operate. I did briefly consider Twilight, but I need to avoid the media.’

“I’ll keep that in mind as we work on a nutrition plan for your quirk. We’ll be logging what you eat so we have a baseline to work with.”

‘I have been keeping track of that in a notebook since I started at UA,’ Akira signed and fished it out of their pack at Fat Gum’s excitement. ‘The first page has a breakdown of my current nutrition plan, and the rest is a daily log of calories, quirk use, and weight at the beginning and end of each day.’ Knowing how valuable his input could be, Akira had already adjusted the plan to what they actually ate for lunch and dinner instead of what the school knew.

Fat Gum spent the rest of their walk flipping through the notebook, grin falling slightly over some of the pages. “This is great, kid, but I take it you like jelly pouches?” he asked, grin a little more forced.

Akira ducked their head, ears flushing. ‘Eraser insisted on keeping my backup stash stocked with them. I was using pocky sticks before.’

Amajiki peeked up in surprise before tucking back into himself. Fat Gum laughed, “I’ve heard stories about that man and his jelly pouches. I’m glad you caught his eye; I see he also let you put him down as an emergency contact. Any relation?”

Akira shook their head as they slipped into the agency with the pair, ‘I didn’t make a good first impression, and by the end of the first day, Eraser just started helping me outside schoolwork for some reason. He offered to be my second contact since it was required for the internship.’

Akira’s head was on a swivel as Fat Gum gave them a tour of the agency. They met a few of his sidekicks, confirming their observations of brutes and changers comprising most of the hero’s agency. Akira also recognized a few former vigilantes who now lived at the agency full-time while working towards their license. Some were kids but others were in their late teens or early twenties.

After setting their duffle in their room, Akira sat on the bed, letting themself soak in the comforts while they could. I could get used to this, Akira thought bittersweetly. Come on, just let yourself enjoy while you can. You can have three years of this if you don’t ruin it.

Akira pulled their hair into a messy bun and made a couple adjustments to their braces, testing the give since the support company’s execution of Hatsume’s designs had only arrived the previous day. Akira put on their hero costume and restocked their snack pouches, including a protein drink in case patrol was particularly busy. Finally, they clipped their retractable forearm crutches into their utility belt. The aids would put less stress on their shoulders and enable them to lessen the pressure on both legs instead of just their worse one.

Before heading out, Akira texted the Mad Banquet chat that they made it to the agency. Other than Tokoyami, the others had long since arrived, train rides much shorter than their own. Tucking their phone away, Akira made their way to the cafeteria, drawing a few odd looks from the brightly colored heroes at their monochrome palette, yellow contacts providing the only splash of color.

They started heading to the self-serve feast laid out over a few counters and dispensers when Fat Gum waved them over to a table. “Based on your notes, we need to double your current base intake.” Akira startled, eyebrows shooting up. “Your quirk’s drawback isn’t as separate as your paperwork implied. My quirk has the physical limit of the fat stored in my body; my muscles alone won’t absorb hits. Your quirk doesn’t recognize the difference between fat and muscle, which is what causes the atrophy. Your idea of having a buffer is more accurate than you think. Your quirk should never have the choice between muscle and fat because which it chooses is variable.”

‘I can’t develop muscle? I need the strength and flexibility,’ Akira signed desperately.

“You can still work on muscle development,” Fat Gum clarified gently. “But we’re not talking about being a couple kilos over the average. To reliably use your quirk without the risk of starvation, you should be 45-50% body fat. It’ll take time, but your current eating structure of two main meals with snacks throughout the day is a good framework to start with.”

Fat Gum ran through the changes they’d be making and pushed over a written-out plan. Akira tried to focus, but they were reeling with how they’d maintain the plan once they were paying for it. The recipes Fat Gum gave them all required a kitchen to varying degrees, but their security deposit fund would be gone in the first week of this plan. Akira followed the hero to the feast, nodding as he pointed out everything he put on the nutrition plan and encouraged them to try what they could while here so they knew the options. Before starting to eat, Akira quickly jot down their meal and the sweet bun they had earlier, trying to ignore the twist in their gut at the amount of food.

“Are you alright?” Akira turned at Amajiki’s soft, concerned voice. Their eyes flitted to Fat Gum, who was talking with one of his ex-vigilantes off to the side.

‘Just trying to figure out how to make this work,’ Akira distractedly signed. They offered a small smile to the introverted teen, ‘I was hoping he’d be able to take a look at the plan, just wasn’t expecting… this.’

Nodding after a moment, Amajiki looked back to his own plate with a more normal amount of food but far more variety. After a few minutes of trying to do the math in their head, Akira flipped to the back of their nutrition notebook and started running numbers on their new budget range for each week while eating with their off hand. With the internship’s stipend, they would still be a few thousand yen short of a low-income security deposit by the end of next week even if they didn’t implement Fat Gum’s changes that week and ran deliveries for an extra two hours each night. Besides, with finals rapidly approaching, only getting two hours of sleep would spell disaster for their grades.

As Fat Gum walked back over, Akira closed and secured the notebook in its holster. The hero tried to start up conversation with Amajiki, but he seemed as anxious as Akira, mumbling and stuttering as the man energetically guided the conversation.

U̸̳̥͇̺̙͒͋͌͗̎͐͌n̴̩̯̜͔̮͍̗̲̤͓̏̃̇͜͝ͅw̷̢̭͎̦͎̼̤̯̫͍̘̔̽͊́̌̇̊͜ơ̸̢̛̲̞̯̰̭̻͚̮͈̾͋͗̏́̽͘͝r̴̢̡̘̱̙̼̗̮͙͓̬̫̀́t̶̛̛͈͕͕͇̝̫́̐̿̏̊͂̑̔̒͘̚͝͝h̵̢̧̜̠̟͕̼̣̀͐̿̅̊̅̾̀̇́̋ỹ̶͕̥̙̇̎͐̉̊̍͂̍ (Unworthy)

Damnit, not here. Akira subtly dropped their left hand into their lap to focus on the texture of their tassels and on eating as Fat Gum and Amajiki’s conversation faded into the background.

Y̶̛͉͑͊͋͐̒̿͝͝o̶̢̧͕͕̖̟̲̣̭͕̙̠͕̗͛u̶̼̱̙̣̗̜̙̅͛͌͒ ̸̢͍̰͉̖͔̤̤̣͚̾͑̔̈̆͑̀́̇͝͠͠r̵̨̧̡̟̹͙̙͔͓͉͉̬͕̋͠u̷͔̜͖̗̇͌͂͑̄̂i̸͇̮̯͙̞̣̇̍̋̐̐̇͐͆͂̎̓̚n̷̯̱̪̫̬̼̳̪̜͕̯̳̱̖̑ ̴̧̠̩̬̲̙̭̗̤̭̟̻̉̅̆͆͒̍̉̈́̊̓̓̎̕e̵̛̤͉̳̯̘̮͎̲͚̮̓̓̈́̂̌͐́͆̃̅̕͘͜v̵̯̱͉̱̩̻̤̟̰̈́̉̓͊̑̾͒̿̊͛͋̉͜͝ḛ̴̛̖͉̮̘̠͉̣̈̄̓̃̽͒r̴̙̱̥̙̗̈́͗́̽̋̓̋̿͐̄̒͝ÿ̷͇͈͍̥̟̥́̅͘t̷̡̢̗̣͕͖̲̖̙͕͉́̉͆̅͂̎̌̽̋͒̆̒ͅh̴̢̧͎̻͓͈̬̜̩̼͋͘͜į̷͓̻̩̖̺͙̯͙̍͝n̵̨̻̫̺͎̥͎̭̥͔̗̰̓͛́̈͂̇͠g̸̝̩̰͎̣͛̎͋̀̅ͅ ̵̡̖̟̤͖͇̝͕̯͇̭̈́͐̒̇y̷͈̲͙̣̭̺͐͒́ō̷̬̈̈͒̓̊̂͑̄̓̈̄ư̴̧̛̦͉͍͎̬̖̯̰͇̗̰͎̦̓̈̿͐͋̓̂̈́̈́̔͠͝ ̴̼̝̩̦͉̱̹̝̯̘͔̌̐̒̚͝͠t̸̡̧͕̳̺͎̑͊͌̄̔̎͗̆ǫ̵̡̝̰̙̙͕̘̦͂͋u̷̲̲̙̲̽c̷̙̙̞͎͕̖̽͌͒̀̿́̇͛̕͜h̸̼̞͕͇̱̦̅͗͐ (You ruin everything you touch)

Akira shivered, remembering the burns that often accompanied those words.

Y̴̤̎̃̿̇̋́̈́̂̑̎̿͘̕͝o̶̢͖̿̄͌̅̈͌̾̐͌̓̐̃̃͝͝ṵ̴̫̝̞̥̥͇͝’̴̡̧̙̰̲͈̘̙͈̳̳̬̮͈͇̒̐͌͋̑͝͠l̵̡̰̩̞͓̩̝͎͎̜͈̟̝̜̝͂̂͒̅͗̔͝l̴͈̬̃͌͊̄̊́̎͘̕̕ ̴͈̙̣̬͔̭̜̥͙̇̋̉̚͜͜͜ŗ̷̘͔̝̩͙̬̥̳̈́̑̄̓̅́̂̒̒̒͝ͅù̸̡̡̧̧̺̝̼͈̣̩̩̰̟̯́͒̄̕͜i̴̢̡̢̬͓͉̱͚̫̮̝̖̗͉͛̈̿̚ń̸̖̭̝̳͔̗̺̹̼̭̳̐̀͒̃̍̈́̈́̚͠ ̶̭̺̎̐͌̌͛̀̚͠t̸̡̧̘̜̝̬͚̘̻͚̬͉̻̂̾͆͝h̵̗̍̈́î̶̹͗̇̈́̏͋̏̚͘ṣ̷̰͉̖̥̲̻́̂̑̾́̎̈͜͝,̸̛̦͖͎̫̯͎͓͇̝̫̜̹͛͑͒̈̀́͗͌̚̕ ̴̢̤͍͉͇͎̮̥̝͇̠̘̇̇̈̈́͋͗̀͒̀̅̔͘t̶̘͙͚̪̭̮̑̅̔̈̉́͊̚̚͠ǫ̵͚̹͌͋̀o̷̧̹̜͕͙͎̮̮̤̘̦̾̀͜ͅ (You’ll ruin this, too)

“…quirk analysis and encoded it.” Akira looked up as they forced themself to swallow the last of their heaping plate.

“We’ll have time before patrol to start going over it and look at improving the encryption since you already have a good system for food tracking and the initial nutrition plan adjustments are done.”

Akira nodded, ‘I use the same system for practicing analysis of others, so improving it is a good idea. It only took Sun Eater fifteen minutes to decode it on the train.’

Fat Gum grinned and ruffled Amajiki’s hair despite the boy’s disgruntled look. Akira smiled as they noticed him slightly lean into the touch despite himself. “I knew you’d get it once you got out of your head!” Fat Gum praised and asked more about the process as Amajiki shrunk into his seat.

‘I think that was a compliment,’ Akira signed, briefly catching Amajiki’s downturned gaze before continuing, ‘I start with a Caesar cipher then use a Polybius square.’

“Wonderful! A two-part cipher like that would slow down would-be readers. Are you using a static or variable key? Well, the easiest way to add another layer of difficulty would be to make the Polybius key variable. It could be based on a book you like, a website or newspaper, or even a radio show. If you haven’t done so already, you’d need to start dating the pages. I’d recommend using a written material to save time looking for your daily key.”

The trio made their way to Fat Gum’s office, and Akira felt themself relax marginally at the massive window opposite the door. “When it’s just me, I do paperwork in the main area, but I thought you might enjoy the quiet more, like Tamaki.” Akira startled at the use of his first name. “While we’re patrolling, call me Fat Gum and Tamaki Suneater. When we’re off duty, I ask everyone to call me Toyomitsu or Taishiro if they’re comfortable, and my call sign is Sunny D.”

Akira nodded, ‘My call sign is Reaper if we need to communicate nonverbally off duty.’

Fat Gum pulled out a stack of forms, a few liability wavers at the top of empty reports. “Once you sign these, we can start going over what reports will look like. Tamaki and I usually don’t have to worry about property damage, but it’s good to know what that looks like in case it does occur. Even if the villain was the one causing damage, it’s important to file the report so there’s a record of what happened.”

Akira paid rapt attention as Fat Gum went over the various types of reports they might need, appreciating the extra time he took explaining ones that applied more to underground work. They were left with two hours before patrol, which they took to decide on a forum that followed Wren fights with the day of the month determining which post – sorted by recent – to pull the first five letters from. They also changed the plain text to classical Latin to add a layer of not quite encryption but difficulty… and maybe a clue for Asami to realize they were alive.

As they wrote the plain text to the side to restart encryption, Fat Gum – right, Taishiro and Amajiki read through the notes. Once Akira was primed with their keywords and square – a temporary aid to get used to the new method – Taishiro asked, “From what we’ve read so far and your talk on the train, you recently had an awakening or mutation, right?”

Akira hesitated, ‘Maybe? As you can tell from the beginning, I didn’t have enough buffer to experiment much when my quirk first manifested, so it’s possible the movement aspect of my clones didn’t have enough energy available to be noticeable.’

“The journal only dates back two years. Did you not keep track when it first manifested?” Fat Gum asked gently, curiosity shining in his eyes.

‘My quirk forcibly manifested when I was 13. With Stranger such an unknown variable in quirks, it’s possible that component was my biological quirk with an activation that would be difficult for me to encounter. The trigger fit secondary Master just as well and I have family history of it, so I originally used that classification.’

As they started re-encrypting their notebook, Akira noticed the room was completely silent and, out of the corner of their eye, they saw a paper drift back to the desk. Akira glanced up in confusion and flinched into themself at the rage in Taishiro’s eyes and horror in Amajiki’s.

“Who?” Taishiro ground out. Akira briefly glanced up, confused. “Who tortured you?”

‘Oh,’ Akira signed. ‘My family. Abuse seems to be 2 for 5 with the other kids of heroes I’ve met. Although, I don’t know if Blank counts since he was abused up until he got placed with heroes. 50/50 if he doesn’t.’

Amajiki looked sick and Taishiro’s expression softened, although his voice remained hard. “I’m going to need the name of your family and the other kid’s family, then. Preventing abuse, especially Forced Quirk Manifestation, is one of the main reasons I foster a sense of community. The kids feel safe enough to expose the underbelly groups that do it.”

Still confused, Akira flinched at the quiet fury in his voice. ‘That’s just more proof that it’s common. The other kid is Shoto Todoroki; I can guarantee his father is abusive, but I lack proof without the children’s testimonies, and their quirks point to the only potential forced manifestation being Natsuo given his weak Brute quirk. With time, Shoto could be given justice or break free, but the Commission is involved in the cover-up as usual. My family is too large and connected to reach.’

“That’s why you need to avoid the media… Just because it’s common doesn’t make it right,” Amajiki murmured.

‘I know, it’s just confusing when people are surprised by it.’

“Since they haven’t found you yet, I take it your last name isn’t Mori. So what is their name?” Taishiro pressed.

‘Like I said, it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing you can do to them, and if you refuse to work with them, that will just put more potential focus on me. I have a plan, but it’s going to take years.’ Akira huffed as they thought if I even survive that long.

“Will you at least tell me if any members of my agency are part of your family?”

Akira chuckled humorlessly, ‘Being a limelight is a requirement in the family, so none of them would dream of working under a Twilight hero.’

Something clicked in Taishiro’s eyes, and Akira straightened warily from their writing position. ‘Don’t-’

“The Wrens.”

Shit.

Notes:

Akira’s notes are in English so I could use ciphers I’m familiar with (cryptography was one of my hyperfixations) I was trying to find a call sign for Fat Gum that wouldn’t be weird when I got to Sunshine Dad, which turned into Sunny D. The D does still stand for Dad, but people are usually more comfortable shortening it to the brand name at least when they’re first taken in. Also sorry I didn't upload this yesterday; wasn't feeling well and didn't write anything for Libertias aut Mortis either 😅

Akira: panicking Amajiki: what is wrong with this child Fat Gum: I’ve got another kid! Akira: casually mentions trauma Amajiki.exe has stopped working Fat Gum: who do I need to kill

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koraki-pharmakis · 3 years

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Back from my unintentional hiatus and livid

I want my religious terms off the LGBTA+ wiki (I'll explain why), and from this point on I do not want anything I coin added to it. I deeply regret coining terms through the wiki and will be recoining Iphisian and Teiresian to remove them from the wiki.

The Dionysian Gender System, including Maedic, Thyrsoan, and Satyrian can remain on the wiki if they are not altered past this point, except for a note visible on the pages. The contents of the note will be at the bottom of this post.

So, for those confused, hi. I'm Crow. I assume you already follow me, but if you don't know, I'm a Hellenic Polytheist and this is my religious blog. I have coined five-six religiogenders through this blog and the LGBTA+ wiki (where I am Localcorvid), all relating to my personal experience of Hellenic Polytheism and worship. All were coined at times I identified with them, though now I only really define myself as Iphisian and Maedic out of the set.

I am not a MOGAI blog. I want to make that clear. The coining of those genders through this blog were because of their specific ties to my religion. That is the main reason I'm so, so angry.

So, let me quickly copy my definition of Iphisian: "Ihpisian is a gender for Hellenic Polytheists who are AFAB transgender. The gender is also oriented towards, but not exclusive to, worship of Aphrodite, Hera, and Isis (Egyptian)." *Note: I have personally modified the definition as the coiner, but in fairness, this is what I originally coined it as. It has evolved into a term for AFAB transgender, transmasculine, and transgender lesbian Hellenists.

What I'm fucking pissed about is the flag they added. Which I'm not showing. Because it's attributed to an agnostic non-polytheist cisgender girl.

And Teiresian? A term that I coined as "a gender for Hellenic Polytheists who are bigender, AMAB transgender, and/or genderfluid ... oriented towards worship of Apollon, Hermes, or Hera"?

They added a flag made by an agnostic catholic. At least he was intramasculine (trans), but still.

These terms are religious. I don't know how to stress that enough. They are religious terms, religious genders. They are tied to my theoi, who I love with my entire heart. They are devoted to my patrons. These are my gods.

And I don't know how to explain that I don't want cis agnostics making flags for my transmasculine lesbian Hellenist terms! I don't know how to explain I don't want agnostic ex-catholics making a flag for a term related to devotion to Hera!

My religion is open, but that doesn't mean this isn't violently disrespectful. The terms were explicitly not open. Those flags weren't for outsiders to make, period.

So I want those terms down, right now. And if I ever coin another religiogender or sexuality, do not put it on the damn wiki. I give consent for @ezgender to put my terms on the Ezgender wiki, and as of right now that is the only one they're allowed to go on.

@official-lgbta-wiki, take my terms down, except for the Dionysian Gender System. My note is as follows:

On October 24, 2021, the coiner koraki-pharmakis posted a statement to faer Tumblr blog stating that fae no longer wanted faer terms on the LGBTA+ wiki due to members disrespecting closed religious terms and the wiki's lack of adequate moderation and respect for coiners. Fae allowed that the Dionysian Gender System, including Maedic, Thyrsoan, and Satyrian, remain on the site with the requirement that this message be attached and that no flags or symbols created by individuals who were not Hellenist Dionysos worshippers be added to the page.

If you don't post the note, I expect my gender system to also be removed.

Blatantly disrespecting marginalized religions is never a good look, and your moderation should not be so terrible that this is allowed to happen to me and dozens of other coiners.

#lgbta wiki #lgbtawiki #ezgender #hellenic pagan #hellenic paganism #hellenic polytheism #hellenismos #hellenistic polytheist #dionysus deity #dionysos devotee #dionysos #dionysian gender #dionysian gender system #maedic #thyrsoan #satyrian #iphisian #teiresian #long post

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rain-anonymous · 2 years

Note

Wait I want to make a gloop AU what are some things I need to know lol

Gloop AUs are typically just ideas that some of the Gloop children have for a story thing

They usually follow the family or have the family as really important figures in something like a video game or concept. So me being the father, all the children, and sometimes other family members (cousins, aunts/uncles)

You don't even need to go that specific if you don't want to. Usually, if I've had a hand in an AU, I try to make it so the Gloop children can make and develop their own characters and be able to write or draw about them

I'm trying to thing of some examples but right now I can only think of these (if you think of more you can let me know)

Caretaker's Woods (horror; everyone is some sort of eldritch being or monster and live in the middle of the forest. The caretaker takes care of them in a mansion in the center of the forest and protects faer kids from the unfortunate ones who stumble into the forest)

Daycare AU (this was like. The first one written lmao. It's this really creepy daycare that holds a lot of kids and everyone within seemed slightly off, even the main daycare worker. I'd say it was the predecessor of Caretaker's Woods)

SCP Gloop AU (I loved this one and I wish we did more of it. It's really what it sounds like lmao. I loved writing this one, too-- all of the Gloops are in this one containment facility and there's a person who quickly rose up into a leadership position because fae could interact with pretty much all of the Gloops and be safe about it)

Pirate AU (this one is made by me and doesn't really follow my rule of letting the Gloops come up with their own stories, but kind of does at the same time?? It was very self indulgent lmao. I think I wrote the most for this one)

Cuphead AU (mostly run by Clue lmao. They created it and I liked seeing their drawings but didn't have many ideas for it myself. We were thinking it might have been an extension to the original game, and I was the person filling in the role of the Devil in the sense that I'd be asking for my children to be collected and returned home. Because everyone in this family is an asshole (/j), everyone fights Cuphead and Mugman when they try to collect them. No idea why but it happens dnwkdnks)

But you can really create whatever you want, however you want! As long as it's not nsfw because that would be weird and very disturbing jdkwndwjjd

If you want to reference certain people, you can look to my pinned to see all my children (some of the URLs don't work because I don't know when or how they were changed) and other family members

#gloop #llama answers

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nostalgic-pancakes · 3 years

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one day (i know that you will be there)

Summary: Here, have some fluffy transbur :D

Pairings: gen everyone, with a specific focus on crimeboys

Read on AO3

Word count: 2070

Warnings: None? I guess? Tell me if there are any, but I don’t see them

Other notes: Part of @noorahqar‘s BANGER discord server Pride Event!

Please DO NOT send this to the CC’s or even imply that this exists because No, Thank you

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Sometimes, it feels like it's okay. Nothing's wrong at all and in fact, Wilbur is happy.

Other times it feels like he's stuck in his own skin, a place he can't get out of.

Wilbur doesn't really know what's going on with his gender. He's always been cis, it's all he knows we it's his comfort zone. Even while his life was being wholly upended by YouTube, and Twitch and life in general, Wilbur's gender was always a constant- the one thing he never worried about or spent too much time on. It was his gender, and it was just kind of...there.

Sometimes when gender is part of the conversation, people display confusion when Wilbur talks about his gender like something separate from him that was tied on and is just there now, like a bit of hair that can never stay in place, but isn't necessarily a bother, either. But isn't gender like that for everyone?

Well, according to the one and only Tommyinnit, no.

"Well… for me, my gender is pretty malleable. It's more of a fucking... fucking abstract concept than a feeling? I'm a little detached from mine, but not as much as that, Wilbs."

"Then what is your gender like?" Wilbur asks. It's late on a Friday night, and Wilbur had ended up visiting Tommy's flat out of mostly impulse, living just under a kilometre away from his sibling these days. They're in the living room, splayed out on the floor talking about anything and everything in the dark, too quiet to wake Tubbo and Ranboo.

Wilbur’s not agender- he has a gender that he keeps around, even if it stays reasonably sectioned away from the rest of him.

Tommy hums, an older tune that Wilbur can't place as he fiddles around with some wool scraps ("Cabbages!" Tommy insists indignantly) leftover from the cardigan they had just finished when Wilbur walked in. It's a burgundy colour that's probably going to be matched with one of Tommy's longer cream skirts to University Monday morning.

"My gender is a… a kind of vibe? I guess? To me it feels like skirts doing that cool swoosh thing in the wind around you while you walk or eating Tubbo's chicken soup and that feeling I always got after a Dream SMP stream. It's weird, but that's my gender I guess." And that is weird. It's weird as fuck, but Tommy's gender sounds really fucking cool so Wilbur tries anyways. Tries to imagine what his gender, the amorphous entity that it is, feels like to him.

It's hard, at first, but then Wilbur starts humming. He's always done better with auditory concepts than visual or tactile ones, strumming tunes together that tie in with his latest hyperfixation.

So Wilbur hums. He starts with 'White Wine in a Wetherspoons' and then 'Cause for Concern' with a little bit of 'Your new Boyfriend' thrown in for posterity as it all starts to come together. Tommy starts tapping his finger on the plywood floor, creating a small beat.

His gender feels nice, actually, and not just the neutral burden that the universe has him carry around. It begins to feel like the warmth in Wilbur's chest when someone says "Hey, don't stop. Tell me more, this is interesting" to even the most niche fixations that Wilbur has ever had, like the different types of bricks or the historical fashion one he had at the same time as Tommy and they made dozens of Pinterest boards together (1830’s hairstyles his beloved). It feels like Phil calling him 'Son' in that chamomile accent, like everything will be fine. It feels like the tipsy laughs he and Niki share when getting drunk together and it sounds like the quick, comforting 'bzzt bzzt bzzt' of Tommy's sewing machine running on the other side of the flat while Wilbur makes them breakfast because they and his flatmates are fundamentally incapable of looking after themselves.

It's really a pretty nice gender, actually. So when Wilbur closes its metaphorical pouch and clips it back onto his metaphorical backpack, he feels lighter, warmer inside than before. Is this how Tommy feels sometimes?

The tapping stops and Wilbur realises that Tommy's fallen asleep, surrounded by scraps of cabbage on a fairly cold plywood floor. This will not do. Thankfully, Wilbur has gained enough arm strength to reasonably carry the nineteen-year-old to his bedroom, carefully avoiding sewing pins that Tommy will clean up frantically in the morning. Tubbo and Ranboo are asleep as before, in the same place, huddled together on the lowest bunk covered in blankets, with just enough room for another person.

Tommy fits in perfectly, head on Ranboo's shoulder and the rest of him swathed in blankets to protect from the cold. It's started to show fairly heavily outside so going home is not possible. Therefore, Wilbur stays.

The guest room still has some of his shit from the last time he stayed over, around a week ago. Piling a thick-ish duvet on top of himself, Wilbur sleeps, more at peace than he's ever been.

Monday morning, Wilbur tries out pronouns. He was spending the weekend in a bit of a haze of filming and social interaction and talking to Elodie, his editor, in order to have most of this week free.

He's back at home with pronoun dressing rooms loaded on Firefox, a Geoguessur stream finished and a free day with spoons to spare. It is time.

First- she/her.

This is Wilbur, the site reads, She's 27 years old with a penchant for making songs. She also really likes hanging out with her sibling, Tommy and her best friends on the Dream SMP. She still ships DNF.

Oh. Oh wow. She/Her works pretty well actually. Wilbur likes that for herself.

Next- they/them. This is not as nice, but it's also not bad, necessarily.

Fae/Faer- this one is pleasant enough.

Everything else is okay, Wilbur supposes. She figures that just knowing that he/him isn't the only answer is good enough for herself.

The first person she tells is Tommy, on a phone call during one of his frees.

“Okay, so he, she and fae, right?” they ask, rolling the pronouns around like the colorful hard candies sold in packets of two hundred each, muttering small sentences, barely audible to the phone mic amongst the dozens of student voices around him, pitter-pattering like sleet on cars heard from a cozy living room.

“Yeah. pronouns change by the day. Please don’t interchange them.” Wilbur confirms, short and soft.

“Oh that’s really fucking cool. What are they today? Does anyone else know? Do you have names you want to be called instead?” Tommy asks, orange-sweet in his kind concern and slowed down questions as to not deflate the souffle in Wilbur’s brain.

“Uh, she/her, and no, not yet on the knowing and the name thing. I’m going to tell Phil and Niki, then Dream, probably. Wish me luck.” Wilbur answers, the ‘wish me luck’ thrown in more as a formality than anything, but she’s still nervous, thoughts spinning in popcorn-crunch circles, pop pop pop about how it could go wrong and even if Tommy and Ranboo were accepted, perhaps that courtesy won’t be extended to her. Tommy, the absolute fucking legend as always seems to have figured that much out.

“Wil. Wilbur. Wilby. Big Dubs- It’s going to be fucking fine, you’re popcorn-popping again and while that’s one of your idiosyncrasies and I fucking love those, you are also freaking the fuck out. Everything will be fine, alright?”

“Idiosyncrasies? Where did you learn that? Is ‘The Tommyinnit’ learning new big words?” Wilbur teases, to mask her affection just a little bit, even as it seeps out of her voice like honey in a sopapilla, warm and sticky and sweet.

“Don’t fucking patronize me.” Tommy retorts, instinctive as it’s been for the past few years now, no bite behind their words. “I’ve got South Asian Lit now- call us in the evening?” he asks, because Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo are a single unit in the evening. Do not attempt separation till after midnight. Wilbur laughs, a small thing only audible to her sibling over the phone.

“Course. You can tell them yourself, if you want.”

“Okay. Now I need to walk like, three buildings or some shit, so I’m hanging the fuck up. See you later?” Tommy’s voice is softer towards the end, cotton candy and Wilbur melts, just a little bit.

“Okay, bye Tommy.”

“Bye Wil. Good luck.” Tommy hangs up a few seconds later, the last thing on the line that Wilbur can hear being Ranboo’s steadily louder voice as end catches up to Tommy, and Wilbur keeps the phone to her ear for a few seconds more, before putting it on charge and loading up Discord, to find Phil and Dream on VC 3 together, Tubbo and Purpled occupying the beloved VC 2.

Wilbur joins the call, taking in a deep breath and letting it out, and taking a sip of lukewarm tea. Earl Grey, probably taken from the tea box Phil gifted her on Christmas and prepares herself.

“Ay, H’lo, son.”

“Hey, Wilbur!” Dream’s voice, chirpy and crisp as a freshly-picked apple registers first, just before Phil’s comforting chamomile and Wilbur is at ease very quickly, because it’s Dream and Phil. It is literally impossible for things to go wrong.

“Hi! I just came on here to tell you something.” Wilbur starts. After hearing noises of agreement, like popping candy, Wilbur starts.

“Um, so on Friday, Tommy and I did some soul-searching. Well, I did most of the searching. And uh, I figured out that I’m technically genderfluid, but my gender is a series of abstracts and I use he, she and fae pronouns.” It’s quiet for a second, before Phil responds.

“Hey, that’s pogchamp, mate. What pronouns are you using right now? Are they interchangeable?” Dream makes a noise in agreement, in questioning.

“Thanks, and uh, she/her, and no. not interchangeable. I use certain pronouns until I don’t.”

“Oh, that’s cool! Should I update your pronoun role in the Discord to ‘ask for pronouns’?” Dream finally says, and in typical Dream fashion, it’s by getting straight to business. It’s ridiculously endearing, even five years on, knowing everyone’s little quirks and idiosyncrasies (thanks Tommy for reminding her that the word exists) that it’s still possible to be endeared by them, and that they’re all still endeared to her.

“Yes please, Dream. Thank you. I’ll make a small announcement on the server myself, but thanks.”

“No problem, Wilbur! We’re glad you’re happy.”

“What the green-bitch said, mate.” Phil responds, and Dream turns on his camera for that only, just to show that he isn’t actually wearing green- he’s wearing a blue T-shirt, blonde hair mussed about enough to show that he did not comb it when he woke up. His face still has some sleep leftovers, but he’s awake enough to pay attention, and he’s smiling at Wilbur, mouse clicking very fast to change her discord role, and it shows up a few seconds later with a purple dot. ‘ask for my pronouns’. Wilbur is smiling like an idiot, and she turns on her camera, Phil following suit as she starts laughing a little wetly and all of this sinks in.

Wilbur is gender-fluid. She loves herself, her family and the little pouch still strapped to her backpack. Phil is whispering things into the mic soothingly and Dream is grinning at her, and it just feels so good. The bad feeling in Wilbur’s skin just isn’t here today, and it feels like it won’t be around for a while yet.

With slightly blurry eyes trying to see through her glasses, Wilbur makes an announcement with the @everyone turned on.

Bitchbur (she/her today): @everyone I’m here to announce that I’m genderfluid! You can either ask me my pronouns or I’ll just change my nick. The name’s still Wilbur. That’s about it.

Replies start coming in, nothing but messages of support and thumbs-up emoticons, and Wilber closes her eyes, leaning back in her chair, laughing a bit more. She’s so happy that she managed to accept herself, and find acceptance in everyone else on this server. She probably won’t come out to the internet for a while, or even to some of her real-life friends but that’s okay.

She’s got everything she needs right here.

#dream smp #mcyt #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #writers on tumblr #vee's writing #2021 #do not repost

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aro-neir-o · 4 years

Text

Carnival of Aros: New January 2020 Roundup

You all no-doubt saw my frantic posting and reblogging of the submissions on Friday (apologies; I thought I had spread those out, but no, I did not queue things correctly).

Thank you to everyone who submitted something and also to everyone who interacted with the submissions. I very much enjoyed hosting this carnival and everyone had something interesting to say. I myself did not have the spoons to write my own piece but a lot of my thoughts and feelings were echoed in others’ pieces.

I am following the format the December Carnival of Aros host used for the roundup. There is a Short List which is an amalgamation of links to all the submissions and a Long List with commentary about what each submission covered in terms of themes or topic. The Long List is under the Read More link.

SHORT LIST

Isaac, Part One and Part Two

Briar

Annie

Maximus

Ace of Arrows

Izel

Laura

Le herbe

Sennkestra

Scoop

LONG LIST

The first post Isaac wrote covers how learning the difference between asexuality and aromanticism opened up many doors for thinking about orientation, especially how a-spec orientations interact with non-a-spec orientation. Additionally, coining the term “squish” helped explain a lot of the non-normative platonic feelings aromanticism brought with it, and so new conceptualizations were able to be shared with the whole community. The second post talks about how discovering aromanticism interacted with discovering gender for Isaac. Orientation models that work with aromanticism can be applied to gender as well, so that one’s relationship to their sex can be considered separately from one’s relationship to gender.

“I didn’t identify as aromantic immediately, and as asexual even later, but splitting what was socially tangled opened new doors to me. [...] Sharing the terminology of “squish” with other people aware of aromanticism has allowed me to express clearly my feelings and even to establish a queerplatonic relationship, though I didn’t know of the terminology yet. [...] I could realize my gender identity because I split biological sex and psychosocial gender even for identity, where they are usually grouped together.”

In their post, Briar talks about how re-closeting themself has made them approach aspects of their identity differently. They mention how the prioritization of the identities they have in their life seems to be different from most aro bloggers, and how this makes them feel distanced from the community. How many issues framed as aro-specific issues are also being taken up by alloromantic people was also something they touch upon. They also share how a poem written by their friend resonated with aro experiences, giving an in-depth analysis of each stanza.

“I’m not trying to get some sort of reassurance that I can include myself in the aro community with this. It’s more that I’ve realized that not every group or community is made up of 200% committed Ride Or Die people, even if said group is considered young and relatively smaller than more established groups. [...] When I was first trying to figure out if I was somewhere under the aro umbrella at all, I came up with a term that I felt encompassed my specific experience. It kinda, sorta has overlap with a few other terms that I’ve seen a few times (definitely not often), but I’ve honestly never felt like sharing that term would actually accomplish anything in the aro community.”

Annie submitted a beautiful piece of art that expresses feelings of happiness upon discovering the aromantic identity. How the vocabulary and conceptualizations of the aro community helped Annie craft a new self can be seen in the colourful and prideful painting. Giving back to the community and sharing these feelings of happiness and gratitude really comes through in the piece.

“I have always been kinda creative, and I really wanted do something for the aro community and for myself. I discovered I was aro a year ago, and it made me so happy to have this new label that was almost made for me.”

Maximus wrote faer post on how discovering aromanticism can help one understand romance better. Fae talks about faer experiences with compulsory romance and heteronormativity growing up, and how understanding aromanticism helped with stepping back and becoming less judgemental towards others who experience romantic attraction. Furthermore, how romance can look very different for different people opened up a whole new understanding of love for Maximus.

“Being able to situate myself in the aro identity has given me a new, and frankly better, way to address the emotions and trends of my peers. Honestly, spending years of my life assuming people were being dramatic on purpose as a way of gaining or asserting social status was not the healthiest. It hasn't been until recently that I've been able to move away from the mindset that romance is a horrible thing. It is simply a strong emotion that I don't experience. The assumption that I did experience it was always, and continues to be, the worst part.”

The post Ace of Arrows made centers on positivity and acceptance of diversity. Channeling a mutually understood frustration into positive action is one such theme covered in the post. Ace of Arrows also discusses how aromanticism as an individual preference of orientation is deeply linked to narratives normalized in Western culture - narratives that are, historically speaking, new. The post ends with some book recommendations that align with Ace of Arrows’ own journey learning about alternative relationship models.

“I often think about how “romance” and the idea of “marrying for love” are actually very recent concepts that started gaining traction in the West some time around the middle of the 20th century, and yet we act as if this is how all humans everywhere have always conducted their relationships. [...] So it follows that there have also always been people who have conducted their individual relationships in a manner that is more closely aligned to the relationships of aromantic people today than the normalised romantic narrative of society.”

Izel submitted a poem, titled “To all the aros.” The poem opens with a call to other aros who share Izel’s experiences of frustrations and rejection, and it reads as a uniting anthem against these negative feelings. Acceptance of one’s own identity and of the diversity of aromantic experiences shine through as major takeaways from this piece.

“I thought that I needed a fairytail love story in my life in order to be happy. … … But I don’t need that.Aros don’t need that, don’t we? We don’t feel romantic attraction, and that’s ok.And some of us feel some romantic attraction, and that’s ok, too. Sometimes, romance isn’t for everyone.”

In her post, Laura discusses how new doesn’t always equate with excitement and optimism. Things that are new can just as often cause us fear and nervousness. Laura discusses how Tumblr has contributed to aro activism and growth, in both positive and negative ways. Finally, Laura calls for the aro community to continue reinventing itself and continue “becoming new,” to shed the fears that come with change, and to commit to real inclusion.

“I want to see the aro community grow. I want to see it create new resources, explore issues that have never been explored before, and build a foundation for a vibrant, inclusive community that will continue well into the future. [...] I’ve been doing my best to push the aro community in new directions for the better part of two years now. However, every time I or anyone else tries something new, there are people who are afraid.”

Herbe de provence wrote a post on how discovering aromanticism, at first, triggered feelings of denial, but then set off a chain reaction of self-reflection that ended up explaining of lot of childhood feelings. Learning about aromanticism gave Le herbe new confidence to be accepting. How accepting and curious LGBTQ+ friends increased Le herbe’s pride in the aromantic identity is also an important theme touched on in the post.

“In truth, when I learned that I was aromantic I earned so much more than just a word to describe my experience for I learned to accept a part of myself I never knew I was reppresing. [...] Many, many months after first reading the word « aromantic » this is still new for me and I sometime have to remind myself that *it is alright to be myself*. That *it is alright to love like I want*, Like I *do*.”

Sennkestra wrote a post combining the themes of “new” and “allyship.” Being a good ally means being consistently accepting, patient, and an active listener, but it can also mean learning and growing with new ways of being a better ally every so often. Sennkestra shares anecdotes as examples of above-and-beyond allyship and also encourages others to share their own, so that allies to aros everywhere can add new and diverse actions to their repertoire. The little things can count a lot.

“Even though many of these actions are objectively somewhat small things, they show that these people have remembered my identities, taken the time to learn a bit about it, and have had the presence of mind to actively take the chance to support us when they saw an opening. And cumulatively, they all add up to a lot of support that’s made it much easier to live the lifestyle I want to live without anxiety, and given me the backing I need to continue to do active work even with audiences who might not be so supportive.”

In her post, Scoop talks about how discovering the aro community brought her new understandings and connections with people that she was missing, but it also made connecting with non-aros that much harder. Scoop also describes her struggles choosing between non-SAM and alloaro labels - both of which resonate with her but are considered completely separate microcommunities. Finally, while Scoop expresses about her excitement with involving herself in new types of activism, she also expresses her fear about being outed in these situations. What’s new isn’t always without great risk.

“One of my friends will say, every now and then, 'romance isn’t all bad' to me and I find myself taken aback every time. I know it isn’t all bad? Does she think I do? Is it bc I criticise the system? But in reality I want people to find the romance they desire. I just simply think that they deserve it in a way that is much kinder and more considerate than they often receive it. And give it. I've gotten really good at speaking aro and sometimes I'm going to need to translate that language. [...] ”

#aro #aromantic #arospec #carnival of aros #new #january 2020 #roundup #actuallyaromantic

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