so the new rowan ellis video was hm. pretty shallow and incohesive is that a new thing or were they always like that and I just didn't notice? been a some time and a few paradigm shifts for me since I watched any of her videos so I gen don't know

I have many thoughts on the weird phenomena in the DC fandom and the Batfam fandom specifically where probably the majority of people just straight up. haven’t interacted with the source material. and almost all of those thoughts can be summarized as ‘lmao that’s weird and mildly concerning’.

and because I’m annoying I will list them all here right now <3

1. To preface this post, I mean, obviously, comics are inaccessible as all hell, both in the disability kind of way and the ‘you need to understand the concept of hypertime to fully comprehend the DC timeline’ kind of way. Because of this, even if you don’t have a disability that prevents you from reading comics, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to look at the amount of comics you need to read to have even a base understanding of a character and go ‘no thanks <3′ and just enjoy fanart and fanfic in a vacuum. Ultimately, this is fandom, this is supposed to be fun, it doesn’t really matter.

2. That said, it’s VERY weird to me that the majority of this fandom just straight up hasn’t interacted with the source material, and moreover, that it’s considered rude to tell people that they should do so. It’s especially weird considering the amount of fanon-only fans I’ve seen who straight up have a superiority complex over canon. The idea that it’s gatekeeping to tell fans of something to actually interact with canon is just. so weird, and a fundamental misunderstanding of what ‘gatekeeping’ actually entails. 

3. But honestly I’m less interested in discussing the ways in which canon and fanon fans should interact with each other (personally, I think it would be helpful to create separate tags of some kind, but that’d require quite a big overhaul of the current fandom state) than in figuring out how this actually happened in the first place. On the one hand, it’s obvious; long-running superhero comics the way DC writes them have made themselves so thoroughly inaccessible that most people are simply too daunted to even try. Most media has a cohesive beginning and end (or at least, a planned end somewhere). Comics just... don’t.

But I do think it says something that, even among people who are clearly interested in the characters (since they have, you know, entire blogs about them), the effort to get into comics just seems to be too much to even bother. This really doesn’t bode well for the future of DC Comics. Obviously, I am no expert on anything at all ever, but I’d personally be surprised if DC survives beyond the few decades, at least in its current form/without a big overhaul.

4. But on the other hand, I don’t think the confusing state of DC Comics is the only thing to blame here. Fandom has a well-known problem with reducing any character down to archetypes to more easily ship and write fic/make content with. This problem is particularly prominent in fanfic, which, if you read enough of it, you’ll eventually start seeing not just the same tropes and trends, but essentially the same fics over and over again. And not just within the same fandom; everywhere, or every large fandom, at least. 

Fanon Batfam is entirely built on a bunch of those tropes; insecure/depressed sadboy Tim, team mom with optional hidden trauma/emotional problems Dick, bad boy with a heart of gold + sadboy combo Jason, abused sadboy Damian/angry easily-villified-for-fic-reasons monster Damian, good dad Bruce for found family fic and bad dad Bruce for angst fic, etc. This all culminates in a found family dynamic that’s generic and malleable to whatever fic the writer wants to write.

(This isn’t getting into the ship fic, which I avoid like the plague because the vast majority of it is incest, but I’d bet real actual money that the tropes in those fics fall under what is often preferred by the Migratory Slash Fandom.)

By having a decent excuse not to get into canon (the inaccessibility of comics) and a, by now, well-established fanon fandom, many fans feel free to use the batfam fandom as essentially an excuse to write whatever fic with reduced archetypes and tropes they personally feel the itch to write, without having to bother with even consuming a canon. This is compounded by the fact that canon itself is often contradictory and frankly bad, meaning that whatever interpretation of a character you want/need to go for your fic is at least theoretically backed up by canon (for example, you can just as easily cast Bruce as an abusive shithole dad who his kids need to get away from as a loving father figure who cares deeply for his children), which you can always use as a defense if people question your characterization.

5. This focus on fandom trends and tropes over actual creativity or care for the characters is also visible in the way bigotry manifests in this fandom; namely, in literally the exact way you’d expect. The female characters and characters of colour are shuffled to the side, non-existent, vilified, and/or reduced to harmful stereotypes. 

Barbara is probably the one I saw the most often in fanfic, but usually just as ‘Dick’s girlfriend’, and even then, she was often vilified for Dick angst (especially in fics about examining Dick’s trauma from his canon sexual assault; Kori also often gets the short end of the stick in those). After that, probably Stephanie, who fanon fans don’t really seem to know what to do with, so she’s basically just there as comic relief waffle girl, most of the time, though sometimes she can be used to either further Tim angst or further vilify Tim, whatever the fic calls for. Cass has gotten included more in batfam fics as of late, likely in response to critiques of fandom racism for leaving her out, but again, it’s clear people don’t actually know what to do with her. She’s often reduced to a racist stereotype of a quite, stoic therapist for whatever guy du jour needs it. That, or she’s in Hong Kong and just not there. Duke especially gets left in the dust in fandom, usually just being non-existent, but when he’s there, he’s almost always nothing more than the straight man for the actual fun characters to play off of. Talia probably has it the worst, though, and almost universally gets vilified by fanon stans in order to write sadboy Damian.

All of this is extremely predictable behaviour and falls entirely in line with general fandom misogyny and racism; ignoring or vilifying women and characters of colour, or using them as very minor characters at best. The only two characters of colour who aren’t regularly left out of fic are Dick and Damian, who are both also conveniently the two characters most often drawn and written in a whitewashed manner. In addition, there’s a real trend of demonizing Damian in fanon fics where he isn’t written as an abused sadboy, which I’d argue is in no small part due to fandom racism, considering Damian’s behaviour is in no way as bad as Jason’s, who doesn’t get anywhere close to the same demonization and gets woobiefied instead. I also find it convenient that Damian is probably the batboy who receives the most vilification in fic, when he’s the most obviously non-white of the batboys they’re willing to acknowledge.

Fandom often cries for more diversity in canon, only to ignore the diversity already there and focus on the same generic white guys. The batfam fandom is a brilliant example of this.

Which is not to say that fandom racism and misogyny isn’t present in the canon parts of the fandom (and canon itself); it absolutely 100% is. But I’ve found that canon fans are also more likely to like and care about at least one of the characters I’ve listed as ignored/vilified, and are willing to create and consume content for them, whereas fanon fans... aren’t, really. I’ve never seen a fan of fanon Cass the way I’ve seen fans of fanon Dick, for example. Obviously, this could just be by coincidence, or I’ve just surrounded myself with people like that, but it’s been a trend I noticed. Racism and misogyny is present in every part of this fandom and should be addressed as such, but I feel like it manifests the most blatantly in the fanon parts of this fandom. 

(I’d also recommend the articles Migratory Slash Fandom’s Focus and Beige Blank Slates, which expand more on the type of fandom racism I think is especially prominent in the batfam fandom, as well as literally every article in the What Fandom Racism Looks Like series.)

6. All this leads me to conclude that the majority of fanon fans don’t actually like the characters all that much; they’re convenient excuses for them to participate in fandom. Which I also think is, in no small part, a reason why so many of them react so negatively to being told to pick up a comic; they came to this fandom specifically to consume it as a fandom, because they wanted the fandom experience without having to consume a canon. 

This is not a phenomena unique to the batfam fandom (again, see the Migratory Slash Fandom), but it does fascinate me. While fandom is often said to be an experience focusing on transformative art, I think it’s also safe to say that, especially as fandom has become more mainstream, an increasing amount of people are looking to it less as a way to engage with their favourite pieces of media, and more as a type of media in and of itself. I think the reasons for this are similar to the reasons mass media entertainment like the MCU are so popular; you gain a lot of enjoyment out of it with very little risk involved. 

By consuming the same fics of the same characters (or the same archetypes) over and over again, you are rarely at risk of being challenged or even disappointed. It’s often very clear right from the start whether or not a fic will appeal to you, and if it isn’t, it’s easy to just look for another one. It requires less emotional investment than most other types of media, even ‘popcorn media’ like the MCU - or, yes, DC Comics. It’s safe, it’s enjoyable, it’s comforting, like McDonalds, but just like McDonalds, it’s ultimately bland and unsubstantial. 

7, TL;DR. Ultimately, I don’t think it’s like, wrong to enjoy the fanon version of the batfam without wanting to engage with canon, and I certainly don’t think it’s okay to harrass people over it. But I do think it’s in large part based on a desire to interact with fandom rather than other pieces of media because people are scared of being let down by those pieces of media (or worse, just uninterested in actually thinking), which is mildly concerning. 

Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

Dear Chocolate Box 2021 Author

Hi! Thank you for writing for me! I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3. I have anon messaging off, but mods can contact me with any questions.

Elsinore | Fullmetal Alchemist | The Locked Tomb | Motherland: Fort Salem | Simoun

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink! Trust, affectionate or loving use of titles, gestures of loyalty, replacing one’s situational or ethical judgment with someone else’s, risking oneself (physically or otherwise) for someone else, not doing so on their orders. Can be commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes; focus on unrequested canon or non-canon ships; unrequested trans versions of characters.

Smut Likes: clothing, uniforms, sexual tension, breasts, manual sex, cunnilingus, grinding, informal d/s elements, intensity.

Requesting fic; open to art treats!

—

Fandom: Elsinore

Relationship(s): Hamlet & Ophelia; Hamlet & Horatio & Ophelia; Bernardo & Hamlet & Laertes & Ophelia

I found the friendships in this game, and the different ways that characters can reconcile or try to find a way forward together, to be really sweet and moving, and I'd love to read something that focused on those relationships of trust and support. I like how important Ophelia and Horatio's counsel and friendship is in timelines where Hamlet becomes king; I like Hamlet regretting how he behaved towards Ophelia and striving to live through his depression and find out what it is that he wants, not what everyone else wants of him; I like seeing childhood friends Bernardo and Laertes and Ophelia and Hamlet, whose growing-up has stretched them so far apart, taking time to catch up and enjoy each other's company a little.

So, futurefic in one of the timelines where everything doesn't go to shit? A timeline that we don't see? (There is something narratively interesting to me in Permanence/Passion in that the entire plot of Hamlet ends up as a distant backstory to someone's full life; I don't know how compatible that idea is with these requests, but if you want to write any of these groups fucking off to Italy or Constantinople or London and living until the Elsinore pressure-cooker is a distant memory, I'd be just as happy with that as with fic about them building some kind of future together still in Denmark, trying to make it better for its people and to hold on to who they are as individuals, and friends, beyond their roles.) If you want to write Hamlet/Ophelia, Hamlet/Horatio, or for that matter Horatio/Bernardo as shippy, I'm fine with that, but I don't want a focus on the romantic aspects of their relationship.

Fandom-Specific DNW: death of requested characters within the timeline being explored, or focus on death of requested characters. These characters die in this game a lot and I don't need you to pretend entirely that it's not a time loop game, but I would like them to be happy. If you write the Bernardo & Hamlet & Laertes & Ophelia request, I'm fine with either or both names/pronouns for Bernardo|Katherine, but I don't want to read a story focused on their gender or coming-out. Please don't include Peter Quince as a character (you do not need to retcon, you know, the existence of the time loop).

—

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Relationship(s): Maria Ross/Olivier Mira Armstrong

I'll admit: I am a shallow, shallow person who loves the heartwarming and id-satisfying Briggs loyalty-kink complex (The watch! Buccaneer handing Olivier a clean pair of gloves after she kills Raven! Constant and deeply sincere saluting! Olivier’s explanation of why she wants Miles around and her lack of patience for anyone’s shit) but would like an f/f manifestation of it for actual shipping. Post-canon or AU where Maria is assigned to Briggs, or works for Olivier in Central? Does Maria foil a plot against Olivier, or Olivier save Maria's life in battle? Does Olivier order Maria into a firefight? Hit me.

Fandom-Specific DNW: Olivier/men, even mentioned.

—

Fandom: The Locked Tomb

Relationship(s): Abigail Pent & Dulcinea Septimus; Gideon the First & Matthias Nonius

Dulcie and Nonius were two of my favorite additions to the cast in Harrow the Ninth (and Dulcie in "Doctor Sex" via letter). I loved everything we learned about Dulcie - her wit, her quick thinking in a pinch when confronted by Cytherea and her secret to Harrow. I found her "The only thing preventing me from being exactly who I wanted..." speech both genuinely moving and very funny, and I love her thirst for revenge. What else might she and Abigail Pent, "independent research? it isn't even my birthday!" daredevil spirit-talker par excellence who has just conjured up a ghost out of an epic poem, get up to after Harrow's bubble collapses? Or what were they up to when they weren't on screen in Harrow's dream, putting together this whole, well, play?

Nonius's arrival, entire scene, and departure to fight the Beast made me very, very happy on levels I have trouble explaining. It was so heartwarming?! Because it was impossible, and because poetry won, and because they went off to do the best they could...I don't know, exactly. I'd love to read either more about his mysterious past with Gideon the First, or about their second encounter as allies (throw in Marta, Ortus and Pro if you like as well!)

Fandom-Specific Exception: to my unrequested ships DNW, Dulcie/Cam & Dulcie/Pal. I love their three strand thing.

—

Fandom: Motherland: Fort Salem

Relationship(s): Abigail Bellweather/Raelle Collar

I fell hard for this show and Abigail/Raelle is the ship I’m most excited about - they get off to a bad start for all kinds of personal history reasons and have problems with each other, but when it gets down to the wire Abigail would do anything for Raelle and is very gung-ho about having Raelle’s unconventional but extremely powerful magic under her leadership, regardless of Raelle being a loose cannon. She told her she loved her!! <3 And by the end, Raelle also clearly knows what Abigail's going through (like when she talks her down in "Citydrop"), respects her leadership, and cares deeply about her and wants to protect her in return. I love that loyalty dynamic, and their competence as fighters/witches.

Physical combat, strength in general, magical strength, ability to work magic together, knowledge of the magical canon vs. out-of-the-box techniques...what parts of their skills and their bond could be challenged in the weird dimension that the end of season 1 leaves them in? Or when they get back home and new challenges await? (In my head, the decision not to send them to War College is not revoked; the unit becomes some kind of special-forces secret strike team rather than cannon fodder.) Maybe something where Raelle goes/has gone into a fight as a berserker-type for Abigail and then comes back to her, or where Abigail protects/has protected her soldier (her girl!! I love her protectiveness of Raelle towards the other cadets, imagine it in a battle!)? Or an arranged marriage AU where it's usual for witch soldiers to marry to combine their magic power or something...

I would also be up for smut for them, especially something d/s-y where the loyalty-kinky dynamic of Raelle being Abigail's weapon, at her command, is echoed in sex!

Fandom-Specific DNW: sex solely for magical purposes without an emotional connection (sex for magical purposes is fine), focus on Raylla (I don't need you to retcon it, but please don't dwell either on Raelle still having feelings for Scylla or on her getting over Scylla for Abigail), Scylla bashing, Abigail/Adil (I would prefer to imagine, if he is mentioned in the fic, that they’re just friends).

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Fandom: Simoun

Relationship(s): Aer/Neviril; Aer/Neviril & Neviril/Paraietta; Aer/Neviril/Paraietta; Aer & Floef & Neviril & Paraietta & Rodoreamon & Vyuraf

Aer, and Aer/Neviril, really grew on me on my recent rewatch. I appreciated her more as the determined bit-of-a-loose-cannon, who grows into a respected role in the choir, than the manic pixie this time, and noted Neviril's comments about how she was drawn to Aer's determination. (I've written a lot more about what I love and am interested in about Neviril and the show in general, her journey of figuring out what it means to her exactly to lead an air force, here.) I'd love to know what happens to them post-canon - what is the "new world" and their travel in it like? It's an escape for them, sure, but what are they escaping to, not just from? Are there problems there, too?

I'd also be up for a poly situation where Neviril is involved with both Aer and Paraietta, her long-loyal second-in-command whom she's blessed and forgiven, as a V where they're friends or as a triangle where Aer and Paraietta are also involved (I don't quite know what that leg of the triangle would look like but I do like how they work together in battle even when they're shown as having personal issues.)

If Neviril and Aer make it back to the main world when war is brewing again, as at the end of the series, but their old cohort can't fly anymore, what do they see their role as being? Does Neviril see herself as a leader for peace, for war, for something else? How do they interact with their former squadmates, whether as part of a more plotty piece or not?

I could be interested in explicit fic for this canon, as an option - the series is, on some level, about the contrast between the reality and physicality of their bodies and the general perception of what they do (which even in its non-spiritual military capacity is removed from a connection to their bodies via the Simoun aircraft), about becoming an adult, and of course about gender.

Fandom-Specific DNW: I'm not really interested in Kaim and Alty and would prefer for them not to appear or for their backstory to come up. I would also not like to see pre-timeskip Dominuura/Limone.

Venus in Scorpio

This is my personal breakdown of Venus in Scorpio based on myself and other Venus in Scorpios I’ve known over the years. A lot of this could also apply to people who are very Scorpionic in general, or those with Venus/Pluto aspects. Warning: In true Scorpionic fashion I don’t sugarcoat anything so do try and take it with a grain of salt.

ATTRACTED TO

POWER: Someone with influence, someone who pulls the strings, could have formidable social standing, typically confident and/or gives off an intoxicating vibe, could even have an air of danger or something destructive about them.

MYSTERY: Someone hard to pin down, someone who’s private, elusive, keeps you guessing. Someone to play detective with. Doesn’t open up easily. Takes effort and patience to really get to know them.

DEPTH: Someone who has a quiet intensity that lurks beneath their surface. Is the psychologist, the loner, the criminal, the tortured artist, someone with a dark past and a lot of baggage.

SUBTLETY: It’s all in the eyes. Lingering looks, suggestive wordplay, touches that may or may not mean something more. Won’t always tell you they’re interested so much as hint at it.

PASSION: Someone who doesn’t shy away from emotionally charged situations. Someone who loves and hates with their entire being. Someone in touch with their desires, someone who cleverly goes after what they want. Someone who likes sex, uses it to express themselves or considers sex a large part of their identity.

FORBIDDEN FRUIT: Someone who’s emotionally unavailable or unstable, someone who’s already in a relationship. Subconsciously or consciously drawn to relationships that are turbulent or inappropriate in some way.

Venus in Scorpios themselves will possess some or even all of the above traits.

PITFALLS/TRAPS THEY FALL INTO

CHEATING: A need for intensity can result in a wandering eye. Once a relationship settles into a kind of monotony they can start to crave the emotional high that they experienced during the “honeymoon” phase. It’s important for Venus in Scorpios to remember what fascinated them about their partner in the first place before betraying that person’s trust and potentially losing them. On the other hand (despite how it may feel) not every relationship is meant to last forever. If you’re honest with yourself you know when a relationship is over for you. Try to end it properly before looking elsewhere.

ABUSIVE SITUATIONS: Associating love with pain is a Venus in Scorpio hallmark. Even in a happy, healthy relationship there will always be an underlying ache, a twinge in the chest whenever they think of their partner. This is simply how they experience love. That in itself isn’t problematic. The issue arises when a Venus in Scorpio lacks the self awareness to discern “good pain” from “bad pain.” They can easily latch onto a partner who doesn’t have their best interest in mind, or chase after someone who only wants to string them along. Generally “good pain” soothes a Venus in Scorpio and has a positive effect. It’s that “wow, I love you so much it hurts” feeling you get all while knowing your love is being reciprocated in a healthy way. “Bad pain” can have a similar flavor at first but inevitably leaves you feeling hopeless and sends you spiraling into a depression. Not to say you’re always the victim, you’re not. Sometimes you’re the perpetrator. You’re capable of being manipulative, possessive, playing power games and projecting your issues onto other people. It’s important to stay aware of these tendencies, as they could easily get out of control under the right circumstances. Be honest with yourself about it. Turn that perception inward and ask yourself why you feel the need to do certain things. Don’t allow your fears to consume you and taint your relationships, but more importantly don’t allow yourself to become someone you can’t respect.

OBSESSION: Every Venus in Scorpio will experience obsession with another person at some point in their lives, usually when they’re young. They want to talk to that person, know everything about them, fantasize about them, go over everything they’ve ever said with a fine-tooth comb looking for double meanings and hidden clues. They’ll probably stalk their social media and quietly (or openly) resent anyone in their lives who’s a little too close to them. Scorpio is polarizing in ways that make it easy for things to go too far too quickly. When you like someone you really like them. Being passionate in love isn’t a bad thing, but when your life starts to revolve entirely around another person and their actions, it might be time to pull back and look at the situation objectively. A mature Venus in Scorpio will take no for an answer and move on (after privately sulking and writing poetry about it of course), but someone less evolved might hold on longer than is necessary or appropriate. The creepy stalker stereotype is connected to Scorpio for a reason, so it’s crucial to recognize that unrequited love is a scenario you may find yourself in again and again because it’s pretty much the perfect drug to fuel your lust for suffering. If the Scorpio passion is handled poorly it can become a viscous cycle that ultimately leaves you feeling empty and frustrated until you can break out of it.

PARANOIA: Venus in Scorpios always seem to possess this knowing that every relationship has an expiration date. This is mainly because Scorpio/Pluto itself never allows things to thrive that no longer serve a purpose, and so a lot of relationships are cut short or end on less than favorable terms. The “death” of so many close relationships can result in a feeling of impending doom whenever they enter a new one. There’s a huge fear of abandonment and loss, but also a fear of betrayal that either comes from having their trust violated in traumatic ways or simply being able to see other people’s intentions a little too clearly. To combat this Venus in Scorpios are usually very private with their feelings, figuring the less people know the less chance there is for someone else to use it against them. This is of course a double-edged sword, as the preoccupation with protecting themselves can make them overly suspicious of loved ones. On the other hand they could place so much trust in a loved one that the thought of them ever leaving causes them to panic. They can get so wrapped up in these feelings to the point of actual paranoia, which of course can drive people away, making their fears of abandonment a self-fulfilling prophecy. And it’s true, some things will end. You don’t always know how and you don’t know when it will happen, which is scary, but this is a fact of life no one can avoid. You don’t need to potentially speed up the process by accusing or smothering others and risk ruining something good. The sooner you can learn to enjoy what a relationship has to offer without always trying to control the outcome, the better off you’ll be.

THE POSITIVES/THINGS TO APPRECIATE

LOYALTY: Saying Venus in Scorpios are fiercely loyal might seem strange after calling out their penchant for infidelity, but 1) Not all Venus in Scorpios cheat, and 2) Even if they do mess up in that regard, they’ll usually still have your back when it matters most. They take relationships of all kind very seriously. If you mean something to them, they're in it for the long haul and aren’t about to let anything get in the way of that. They can also be really protective, making them hostile towards your enemies. They’ll probably remember every slight they’ve ever made against you better than you can. Definitely not the flaky types to associate with those you have good reason not to like. If someone’s wronged you then they no longer exist.

DISCRETION: They will take your secrets to the grave. They know what is and isn’t acceptable to say in front of other people. (Unless of course you betray them or they’re air dominant, but that’s another story...) Can also be useful to have around when you need to get information out of someone without giving too much away.

PERCEPTIVE: If they know you well enough they’ll probably know what you’re thinking and feeling in any given situation without you having to say a word. They make excellent therapists and can probably give you some truly amazing insights about yourself and the people around you.

GOOD SEX: This one’s a bit of a cliché and probably applies more to Mars in Scorpio, but it is true that most Venus in Scorpios are generally... knowledgeable in this area. Sex is best when there’s a deep connection going on as that’s when they’ll really want to give it their all, but either way they’re bound to pleasantly surprise you.

ACCEPTING: These people will love you, warts and all. Their philosophy is everyone has flaws and those flaws are what make a person uniquely them. Someone with baggage is someone worth knowing, since baggage usually comes with a deeper understanding of the world learned the hard way, and that’s something they can always appreciate as well as relate to. 

EMPATHETIC: They may not always know how to express it, but these people really do care and are way more sensitive than they let on. They may not be as easily prone to tears as some (at least not in front of you), but tell them about a time you were deeply hurt and they’ll feel it like a stab to the chest. They understand trauma on a profound level and the struggle that comes with healing from it. This type of person can actually become a powerful healer to those closest to them, which makes them some of the most valuable companions you could ever hope to have.

TRANSFORMATIVE: Venus in Scorpio love isn’t for everyone. They can be melodramatic in ways that give Venus in Leo a run for their money, but that’s because these people have a tremendous amount of passion lurking within themselves just biding its time waiting for them to find “the one” so it can fully express itself. This is definitely overwhelming for some, but for others it’s downright intoxicating, and most likely karmic. Venus in Scorpios are slowly learning the ins and outs of their very own nature and transforming themselves through their relationships with others. Chances are if you’ve fallen for one you’ll be undergoing some type of change as well. For better or worse, this experience is meant to teach you both something about yourselves, and at the end of the day, whether you’re romantically drawn to a Venus in Scorpio or not, a close encounter with one will nearly always have a lasting impact.

Fan Writing and the Fix It Principle

I really resonate with this comic about creativity and people's happiness a lot. It's important to make people happy with art; that's one of art's oldest and most important functions. Happy endings and comedies in general can ultimately help people heal, and that's what I want too, although I've never actually set out to make my audience happy or sad with my work. My rather frequently humorous work is only funny because it makes *me* laugh. I've written many comedies, and it's mostly because I love wit and can't make myself be sour and dour 24/7. To me, that's just a waste of my good mood, my intelligence, not to mention my time. But neither do I generally care to make my favorite characters happy, except for a very few exceptions. Even then (in the case of my one exception, ie Harry Potter), I would never alter what I consider to be a natural or believable progression of someone's life, or 'fix' things that aren't broken, even if they're painful sometimes.

Happy endings and humor aren't things that exist apart from painful realities. My favorite thing about humor is how it helps us heal and find joy in life, and this is meaningful because life often sucks. If life didn't suck and people weren't frequently assholes, humor wouldn't mean much or matter that much, either. Happy endings in fiction are powerful because they give us hope and make suffering feel worthwhile, not because it's commonplace in reality or conversely simply a part of some genre. There's an interdependence between angst and humor, gritty realism and fairy-tale idealism. These things draw their power from the other end of the scale.

Anyway, I suppose this all sounds super abstract and rather inoffensive, except I'm writing in response to some Johnlock shippers wanting to 'fix' Sherlock Series 4 by making Sherlock happy with someone other than John. And it's not like I aim to actually stop people from writing or reading what they like, obviously, but the underlying approach to fiction, relationships, and the characters of Sherlock and John (even aside from the obvious disagreement we have over the quality of Series 4) is something that makes it difficult for me to participate in fandom. That is, like I described, this is the opposite of what I value and I care about with fanfic in general and about these characters in particular.

I'm always someone who very emphatically doesn't multi-ship, of course. I may dip my toe in (particularly in writing fics myself) as an experiment or a challenge, but I've never actually read non-OTP fanfic in my life, and I've read a whole metric ton of fanfic through the years. So I know I'm an outlier even among shippers. I can at least *understand* multi-shipping, though, even if not in Sherlock or The Raven Cycle. Sometimes a character does have delicious, fascinating chemistry and potential with more than one person in a given canon. I'd never argue against it unless a particular ship or character was being misunderstood or misrepresented in this process (one obvious example is of a gay character shipped with someone of the opposite sex).

The idea of simply making Sherlock happy with someone (anyone!) other than John is something else, though. It's misrepresenting and misunderstanding both John and Sherlock, and his needs and personality on a fundamental level, but it's also something I disagree with philosophically. It's taking sex and/or romance to be a 'reward' for the handsome male hero, which is particularly unfortunate to apply to Sherlock Holmes, of all characters. Of course, that's always been a broad social trend across all types of media. More specifically, that's also a really common thing in and out of fandom (see all the Irene Adler romances in most modern adaptations), but that doesn't mean I'm any more open to the impulse than I was the first time I saw it.

I guess my point is, neither people nor fictional characters are paper dolls, and their happiness and fulfillment are themselves complex and individual phenomena. Humor is individual too, in that people have different senses of humor: what makes one person laugh wouldn't work on another. Similarly, what makes one person (say, John) happy wouldn't necessarily work for Sherlock. And of course, being married to Mary didn't make John happy anyway; he was fundamentally wrong about what he wanted because he was in denial about himself and wanted to perform a persona, but couldn't quite inhabit it the way Sherlock inhabited his own. Their mutual happiness is a long, drawn out process that's been ongoing since ASiP (and finally culminated in their conversation in TLD), and it's actually silly to think some random person or a convenient former romantic interest from Sherlock's past could waltz in and finish what John started: making Sherlock personally fulfilled and fully human.

Not to belabor the obvious, but people aren't replaceable, and fictional characters even moreso. There's usually an underlying reason some characters have the canon interactions or reactions that they do. This reason is what you have to understand to change those reactions or relationships believably. And I'm assuming believability is desirable if the goal is to 'fix' something about canon in the first place.

For me, it always comes down to believability, even aside from my extreme mono-shipper nature, which I've never denied. It can be hard to untangle the threads of my defensiveness about my OTP (being the only Light and the Way, etc) and my more rational disagreement with the characterization shortcuts fans can take to force certain non-canon pairings to happen at all, let alone to make it so the character's focus and happiness are transferred to this new person. This actually happens whether or not I myself ship the non-canon pairing or want it to happen; I'm always concerned that all romances and happy endings are truly justified and believable, even though I think sometimes most shippers give up and believe the only way is the OOC highway. This is probably why canonical female love interests are so often discounted, dismissed, and written as harpies (or just lesbians) in slash fic. Same thing happens to central canon male friendships (like John and Sherlock, naturally) in het fanon romances, too. People think that to make a favorite character happy *their* way, the only way forward is through, so to speak.

I guess my underlying belief is that you can only take the characters so far in order to fix things for them, and no further, at least if you want them to be themselves (outside a total AU, I mean). Given the canon set of circumstances and events, the options for resolution narrow as time goes on. Some options will fall away with time. Some things may happen, but would wreak severe havoc (for Sherlock to have John die would leave him free, but he wouldn't be happy, for example). It's an underlying fact of the narrative that John and Sherlock need each other to be happy, and it doesn't require me to be a Johnlock shipper to say so. Any fic or meta or artwork that contradicts this basic fact ceases to be a genuinely canon-compliant fanwork and loses any chance of really making Sherlock happy, because (of course) that's no longer Sherlock. Fundamentally, a fan writer can't reject the narrative and simultaneously fix its issues, because in order to make significant changes, deep understanding is necessary.

Like I said, I do think that the *drive* towards characters being happy and fulfilled, and the desire to inject humor and love into bleak or depressing stories is natural and good. This is what stories are for. Further, the urge to fix broken stories and make them our own is deeply natural, meaningful and healing as well. I just strongly think that stories being meaningful also requires being deeply honest, to the characters and their canon as well as to the process of how feelings in general operate. There's going to be inevitable, inherent and even necessary darkness in any honest narrative of that nature, like there was in Series 4. But that doesn't mean there's no path to the light, at that point. To the contrary: it's in the darkness that the light truly shines brightest, as that comic showed so beautifully in the first place.

Guest Post: The Love Actually

Dear Readers,

I am Adrian Clarke and I will be one of the guest bloggers for this eloquently meticulous and prestigious blog. Since this is the first publishing I said to myself why not write about the topic always on our minds, whether we go to bed finding ourselves dreaming about it or we end up in a daze subconsciously grappling with the idea of having it.

Nope, I am not talking about Money or even Sex. However I am edging at something the movies and novels highlight as being way more magical.

Yes!!! The answer is Love, and Love in its entirety. In a world where Love is not being broadcast on mainstream media the way it should be, people would question if genuine love truly exist. It is amazing how one of the smallest words in the English Language can create such a buzz. The renaissance man of Love, William Shakespeare had dedicated his entire career on the topic; leaving us with such a plethora of definitions on what love actually is, and ever since my bubbly days in high school I have been completely and emphatically bowled over by the idea of being in love.

I can safely say I have had my fair share of experiences with the many different types of love out there, so I will give you an exposition on all the love varieties along with what I believe are the problems faced with each type. Also I will share with you what I think is the most ideal love and how we should go about in an attempt to identify and cherish it.

My first type I call “Conflict of Interest”, I know the name has you wondering what kind of love this is. However, this is the type we tend to find in school with the jocks also it is very common with celebrities. This is when two people of interest and the common ground of fame get together because it is going have that trending effect; the major problem with this type of love is that it is not really substantial and majority of the times end in misery. This is because authentic, sincere love does not care about the opinions of others; it is all about the two involved. Do not become a victim of falling in love with idea of falling in love with a person.

My second type I call “Unequivocal Denial”, this is when we find a person dwelling in denunciation and is the only person in the relationship. It is like one has quaffed their own love potions and have become an optical illusion of the love the other loves to hate. Beware of this kind as it leads to dramatic depression. The problem with this type of love varies though. We can have a case where a partner can be severely hurt from past encounters and is yet to recuperate, or one has been reading all the wrong signs, fell deeply as an infatuated victim only to realize that nothing one does is ever good enough, for example you scatter roses and your partner only felt the thorns.

My third and final type I call “Swallowed in the Sea”, this is the most common due to globalization and the advances of technology which makes the world seem so much smaller. It is when people are finding their soul mates and are falling deeply in love over crazy distances. Of course it is much easier and exciting because of the countless amounts of ways to bridge the gap we know as distance, with the immergences of email and instant messaging. The major problem with being swallowed in the sea thought, is that you are going to be locked away from what is really around you and what is tangible while in an effort to find solace one starts to blame the world for being unfair. It gets even more heart wrenching when you really want just the comfort of your partner’s company and video chatting cannot seem to suppress the urge of wanting to be close be to them. Ultimately this all leads to chronic depression, leaving you in such a melancholic state it is a difficult task to function in our 3 dimensional reality.

                The ideal love is very spontaneous, while we are there looking out for a warning sign it just happens, we find ourselves crashing into someone. Many of us have had that crashing effect but have walked away because of some pain encountered, but who says love is not supposed to hurt real badly and imitates the feeling of your heart being wrenched out off your rib cage. I say Love is the most painful yet the most amazing thing around and that is the tremendous irony, as love craves on all of our expressions; beauty, joy and even tears.  Love cannot be lost in the yesteryears nor does it end. Love lives the moment love is now, so I say when the wrong words seem to rhyme and you collide into that someone without that sign saying “slow down love ahead” take hold of the prospect with both hands, stay calm because inner peace is mandatory, ensure there is comprehension between you both and understand the calling of the magic of love, however do not be drawn into fiction just keep it real, stay strong and never fall but rather stand tall in love. ONE LOVE!!!!!

About the blogger: 

Adrian Clarke is a spiritual seeker. Severe trauma as a child set him on a path of healing himself. That zeal led him to learn as much as he could about personal transformation. Dubbed as the young Marcus Garvey, he earned his B.A. degrees in Philosophy & Economics at the Providence University College and Theological Seminary in Manitoba, Canada.

Adrian is also a Travel Blogger, Social Media Manager and Cannabis Consultant.

Artist Asks Meme (Long Post Alert)

I took the questions from this post, and decided to just answer all of them without waiting for prompts, because... why not?

Also, apologies for the long post. I could have put all this under a cut, but I want it to show in its entirety on my blog page. I will tag from now on all posts like this under “long post”, if that is something you would like to blacklist from your dashboard.

1. When did you get into art? As soon as I could hold a pencil. Sure, I may have held it like Beast initially held his spoon in Disney’s The Beauty and the Beast feature film, lacking the finer motor skills due to me being barely out of diapers. That didn’t stop me from drawing thousand legged potatoes and trying to pass them as horses. However, I suppose art became to hold a deeper meaning to me during my last years of elementary school, and all the way through junior high. I had finally become deeply depressed due to bullying and being ostracized by my fellow children. My family was having a difficult time as a whole, and I decided to bottle everything in, thinking I’d only cause more worry otherwise. I would eventually come to harbor suicidal intentions. During that time drawing became an outlet for me to both express and process my emotions, so it naturally became an important necessity in my daily life. It may very well be that was something that ultimately gave me just about enough strength to keep moving forward. Unfortunately, l would later lose my passion to do art. I didn’t really see eye to eye with my high school art teacher, and that really ate at my love for doing art, seeing as it had always been something very closely linked to myself and my enjoyment rather than that of other people. I got tired going about my art as I was expected to. It would take years for that passion to rear its head again. So here I am now, learning everything all over again! 2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for? I started out on Elfwood in my teens, then also signed up for deviantART. I eventually deleted both of these galleries, once I stopped making more art and checking the activity on these sites started to feel like a chore rather than something fun. Now I have a gallery on deviantART once again, which I update pretty much whenever I have the intention to put something up on Tumblr as well. But I definitely consider my dA account more of a means to keep in touch with a couple of cool people and their artistic endeavors. This Tumblr gallery I consider more my “real gallery”... for no particular reason really. 3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand. FEAST THINE EYES.

This is not the oldest one I have on hand, though. That one has already been posted separately on my blog. 4. What defines your artistic style? That is ridiculously hard to answer to be honest. I experiment so much it becomes difficult even for myself to pinpoint what exactly it is that defines my style. There are certainly some recurring elements, like how my humans tend to have elongated, exaggerated bodies (which is something you can already see in that older drawing above). I suppose that’s one thing that defines my style - a type of exaggeration of proportions and lines. I don’t really give a shit about the dos and don’ts regarding how to make art. Legs for example bend in ways they shouldn’t, and it’s a purely artistic choice from my part. I think it adds a layer of expression to my work, without which the piece would be a lot more boring to look at. I suppose the fuckton of experimentation I do is also something of a defining feature in my art, but it’s more of a personal element than something others can recognize my art by. 5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past? Welp, I think I pretty much brushed on this already above there on question four. Yes, I do, and yes, I have. 6. What levels of artistic education have you had? I have no formal education whatsoever. Though, I did take one course at my local adult education centre. It assembled only about once a month for half a year. It was an alright course, but the teacher’s tips felt very blatantly influenced by her own personal tastes in art. I felt like I was being pushed to express myself in ways that didn’t really feel like me at all, so in the end I never showed up for the last gathering. 7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site. This practice picture drawn with ink didn’t make the cut mostly because I used the exact same perspective and general composition as for my Cheap Art Supply Challenge piece. But also because I am not that fond of it.

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done? A lot of times I just like the newest piece I’ve made the most, but there are certain works that hold additional value to me even when time passes. It’s been four years since I made it, but I’m still fond of this painting. It was the first time in years that I took up watercolours again, so the piece holds certain personal value to me. For that reason, I could even go as far as calling it my favourite. 9. What is your least favourite piece that you have done? I’m not sure I can decide. Not because I’d have so many not-faves, mind you! I can look back to the pieces I’ve made and think the ideas weren’t as cool as I thought back then, or that the techniques are horrible in comparison to what I’m capable of now. But I still do not really dislike them, because they remind me of how far I’ve come, where my foundations are, and which elements I decided to stick with. They remind me of the steps I’ve taken, and so I can’t really dislike them. 10. What do you like most about your art? Hmm, I think my favourite element in my art is just how unpolished a lot of it is. Like I have no qualms about leaving details vague. For example, a lot of times I draw less details on hands if the body shape is my primary interest in a piece I’m working on. Detailed works are very cool to look at, but there is also nothing wrong with leaving things to the viewer’s imagination, or leaving certain parts simple in order to encourage the viewer’s gaze to move where you want it to. 11. What do you like least about your art? I can’t really say. Despite all my artistic shortcomings, I am rather fond of it overall... Maybe just my lack of readiness to draw more diverse body types? Which is more of an occasional “Should I be doing that?” type of thought, rather than something I perspire over every time I draw and see I have once again created something of the lean and mean variety. 12. Have you ever considered taking commissions? Yes, and I have done some commission work in the past. Currently I have no particular drive to take new ones, however, as I’m more interested in experimenting different things as I see fit. 13. Are you looking to pursue a career in art? Not really. There was a time when I entertained that thought, but realistically speaking, I don’t think I’d work too well under the constant pressure of having to be as productive as possible at all times. I would quickly lose what art means to me, and with that, the joy it gives me. It’d just become another thing I must do to make ends meet. That, I do not want. 14. What do you like drawing the most? Human faces and animals are the most relaxing thing for me to draw, and looking at my sketchbooks, drawing them seems to be bordering on obsession. Other things I enjoy drawing, though less often, are unnecessarily long legs, skeletal figures, and armour.

15. What do you like drawing the least? Backgrounds. I have yet to figure out how to get them to look like they are actually part of the picture and not just their separate thing that is there. Environments overall are rather tricky for me, though I have made some brave attempts. Buildings are hard. Drawing lush vegetation is hard. Having very little patience a lot of times doesn’t encourage learning either. 16. Do you draw more fanart or original art? If fanart, what fandom do you draw the most of? Original art, which you might not guess looking at my blog here, since I started it just when I was about to go on a fanart loop for quite a few months. Wanting to draw fanart comes to me in certain intervals. Overall, however, I find it way more fun to draw whatever comes out of my head and hand, rather than following an already existing example. 17. What would you absolutely refuse to draw? Smut. It’s just not something I feel compelled to create. 18. What is your purpose for drawing? It makes me happier. I was going to go on a tangent about how it calms me and how meditative drawing is, how it gives me that feeling of having accomplished something, etc. - but what all that really boils down to is that simple statement. Drawing makes me happier. 19. What medium/program do you use the most in your art? Ink and watercolour are what I use the most by far. There’s something lovely about watching them spread and mix uncontrollably on a wet surface. Every now and then I get into the mood of trying other types of traditional media, though, like acrylic paint and oil pastels. Right now I’d really like to try my hand at encaustic painting... but getting the necessary equipment is an investment of over a hundred euros. That’s far too much for me in my current situation.

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.) I am sorry, but I will flat out refuse to answer this one. Ranking one’s art encourages comparison to people you admire. I am really hard pressed to see how this could be anything but toxic. 21. Do you believe there is such thing as “bad art?” Maybe. Art that never evolves anywhere, in any way, but remains absolutely stagnant? Be it on a personal level, or on a more encompassing level that challenges already existing traditions of art. On a personal level it doesn’t need to be very visible evolving either. In my mind, it’s enough if it’s something as small as “I have come to use this one colour I never before felt I could use with success.” If the question comes down to something as mundane as “Do you enjoy the art you see or do you not” being the defining element that discerns good art from the bad... Then my answer would be no, there is no such thing as bad art. I could never claim there is with good conscience, based only on my subjective likes and dislikes. 22. List at least one of your “artspirations.” Oh, I have so so many! And not all of them related to visual arts, even. But there is no point in making such a long list, so here are but a few of them: Gustave Doré and his many illustrations. I am particularly fond of the ones he made for Don Quixote and Orlando Furioso. Yoshitaka Amano. I find myself rather drawn to the elegance displayed in many of his paintings and drawings. Albrecht Dürer and his highly detailed woodcuts. Ayami Kojima and her masterful use of traditional means. She is self-taught too, which in and of itself is inspiring. Lian Quan Zhen and the beautifully lush colours in all his watercolour works. Paul Koudounaris and his absolutely gorgeous photographs of the lovingly decorated catacomb saints. (Picture below from his publication Heavenly Bodies, Thames Hudson Ltd, 2013.)

23. What do you think you could stand to improve on? Everything. I’m not really the type to stop and think I shouldn’t strive to improve more on a certain area just because I happen to like whatever I’m already doing. There are always elements I can refine, new methods of expression to test, and just plain something I could do better or at least differently enough to keep things interesting for myself. 24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.? Oh no, why end on such an embarrassing note! Cruel, cruel person, that came up with these questions. The short answer is yes. The long answer is, well, I would copy other people’s artwork, making only about just enough changes to replace the characters they drew with my own ones. Just thinking about it now makes me cringe! In case you were left wondering: None of those pictures were ever published anywhere, and have long since been burned with fire. And that’s an accurate description of what happened to them. All of them.

--- Turns out some versions of this meme also include: 25. Draw a picture! So here’s a quick pooch. Thanks for reading!

[UR] ‘Vaguepost’

It was one of THOSE posts on social media. The ones where it’s obvious the person is upset but you have no idea why. The clues are scarce and the details are vague or nonexistent. Traditionally, the term ‘vaguepost’ has been applied. The poster wants to vent about something that has made them very sad but for whatever reason, they do not feel comfortable spelling out the circumstances. Maybe they are going through a breakup and are trying to be deliberately obtuse, to avoid outing the person who caused their pain. Either that, or revealing the facts would cause more issues.

Either way, the vast majority of the people reading those vague posts have no idea what’s the matter. In most cases, the posters do not even want advice or real solutions. They just want to vent and gain some general sympathy. I guess I was too clueless for that. It just seems like pointless drama for its own sake; most of the time. I assumed those who knew the vague-poster better than I, would also know the secret details. I usually let those go, or just offer a polite ‘thumbs up’ but this particular one seemed to have more to it than an appeal for pity. There really seemed to be legitimate pain in her words. It moved me.

Like many online ‘friends’, I didn’t know the woman who posted it very well. I had chatted with her years earlier in a discussion group and liked the substance of her thoughts. It was enough to reach out and send her a ‘friend request’ back then but honestly, I only knew the scant details she offered about herself in passing. I’m not even sure if I would recognize her if I passed her on the street and yet, I was moved by her short online statement.

I must have read and re-read the post a dozen times. Then I went to her page to read the preceding posts (to see if I could glean the meaning of the most recent one). Nothing. Honestly, I had no clue about why she was so sad. There were no obvious precursors to heartbreak or personal tragedy in the earlier messages. It was a mystery that I kept coming back to. I like to fix things. I enjoy finding solutions to problems. It gives me an ego boost to set things right again but in this case, I had no tools to work with.

I debated keeping my mouth shut. That would have been the prudent thing to do. Then I waited for others to make comments which might shed more light on the true source of her problems. There were only a handful of well meaning, general sympathy comments offered by her friends. They were just as clueless as I was. They were also fishing for details in order to offer up real help but none was forthcoming. It seems that my friend was going to be tight-lipped about the source of her deep woes.

At that point, I could have left well enough alone and waited for my friend to recover from her mystery source of depression. That’s what I had done a hundred other times when similar situations presented themselves. Instead I sent her an instant message. It wasn’t read. Probably others had also sent PM’s to no avail. Part of me wanted to cease contacting her with that. I’d made an effort to reach out to her. I didn’t even know her if the truth was told but I’d still made an effort to show that I cared. I started putting my efforts into other things.

I assumed her real life friends were taking care of things. They actually knew her. They were surely aware of any deep relationship problems or personal issues she had. I reassured myself that there were far better people in her life, to be there for her than me. Minutes passed. I’d almost forgotten about it. The rest of the world had already moved on but I couldn’t shake the nagging worry I had. It was something I didn’t even want to articulate. There was no specific reference to harming herself or anything like that in the message. It was just an underlying tone of true despair that gnawed at me. It was what was not said. My sense of unease intensified.

I checked my earlier IM where I’d reached out to her. It still hadn’t been read. I don’t mind telling you, it wasn’t easy for me to let it go AND it wasn’t easy to keep contacting her. I’ve always been about ‘minding my own business’. This was way outside of that. I went on her profile info and looked for a phone number. Most people leave that field blank. They don’t want it to fall into the hands of spammers or crooks. Amazingly, there was a number in the field. I jotted it down quickly but dialing it was a different story. I wrestled with the potential risks. I struggled especially with the awkwardness of speaking to anyone for the first time. I’d already made a couple sincere efforts to help. Most people would accept that as ‘enough’ and not cross any more social boundaries. I was one of those people too; until I pressed ‘call’.

It rang and rang, and rang. Nothing. I let it keep going. Voicemail never picked up. I was tempted to hang up but figured if she wasn’t there, then it wasn’t annoying anyone. I switched over to the IM app. My message had finally been seen. I assumed the call had drawn her attention to it. It was still ringing. I typed ‘That’s me calling you.’ Finally she answered. Her voice was distant and hazy.

“Hellllloooo?” Although I had never heard her voice, I could tell she was very drowsy, or deeply disoriented. She sounded drunk or drugged.

“Hey Emily. It’s umm Jake. I just wanted to check on you. Are you alright?”

“Uhhh hi ‘Jake’. Jaaake whoooo?”

She was obviously confused by my unceremonious introduction. I explained that we were ‘friends’ from an old, defunct discussion group. From her responses, I could tell she was really out of it and incapable of rationalizing anything. There were huge pauses and gaps in her responses. I asked her what was wrong and she began to cry and sob. From what I could gather, it was relationship problems. ‘Marco’ has cheated on her with someone and then left her when she called him out on it. At least that’s what I gathered from her slurred speech and incoherent narrative. I asked if she had been drinking but I already knew the answer to that. What I really wanted to know was if she had taken anything else besides that. I was worried she had taken some sleeping pills or painkillers. Eventually she explained that she had downed a whole bottle of pills. I couldn’t make out what she said they were, but with alcohol, it was probably a deadly cocktail.

She kept saying she just wanted to ‘go back to sleep and sunbathe in the beautiful light.’ Unfortunately I knew what that meant but I did my best to keep her engaged with me and talking. Then she would get quiet and nod off again. I would have to yell or make odd noises to get her attention back. This went on for several minutes while I tried to figure out what to do. I had to keep her talking while I tried to find the 911 call center for her town. I’m not much of a multitasker but I managed to explain what was going on in an email to them. I listed her full name and phone number. Only time would tell if they would get my message in time and take it seriously.

I figured if she threw up, it might minimize the effect of the pills dissolving into her system. I started describing anything I could to gross her out and make her stomach feel queasy. If I went for too disgusting though, she’d just hang up. I had to find the right balance. I guess she was already nauseous. My little ‘pep talk’ did the trick. I heard her vomit and then there was a knock at her door. My hastily typed email had been received by the emergency medical center in her hometown.

They immediately went to action and started performing life-saving measures on her, right there in her bedroom. One of the EMT’s picked up her phone and asked if I was the one who’d reported it. I explained that I was alarmed by the tone of her social media post and decided she needed some help.

“She definitely did.”; He agreed. “There’s an empty bottle of sleeping pills in the bathroom but we have her now. It could have easily killed her with all the alcohol she also consumed. You’re a good friend, Jake. We’ll get her to the hospital and stabilize her. Bye.”

I didn’t hear anything for a couple days. I admit that I did an internet search in her hometown to see if there were any updates. In the end I decided ‘no news was good news’. I kept reminding myself that she and I were not really close; and despite my sincere effort to help in her time of need, I might never hear from her again. A good deed was its own reward. On the third day, I received a call from a number I didn’t immediately recognize. I just assumed it was a sales call but I answered anyway. Turns out, it was Emily.

“Hello Jake. It’s... Emily Brown. This is so embarrassing. I want to thank you for calling and checking on me Tuesday. Words can’t describe how much I appreciate what you did. I don’t remember much of what we talked about but if you hadn’t stepped forward and made that extraordinary effort, I wouldn’t be here now. I was deeply depressed. My boyfriend had dumped me after cheating with another woman and I couldn’t ‘see any light at the end of the tunnel’. While my own friends.., you know what I mean... while ‘they’ either rolled their eyes at my post or just offered some empty sympathy, you actually found my number and called me. I’m deeply touched. You even emailed paramedics while we talked! I don’t know how you did that but I’m eternally grateful. My doctor has me on medicine and it’s already helping me feel better. Thank you so much for reaching out and keeping me talking until they arrived. You literally saved my life.”

I attempted to downplay my role in her dramatic recovery but it did feel good inside to know my emotional instincts had been correct. She really needed a friend and I had been there for her. The ‘vague-post’ was a passive cry for help that too many others dismissed as exaggerated or insincere. I guess I’ll always examine the meaning behind the words, as well as their unspoken implications. Sometimes it’s not what is said, but what isn’t spoken that is most important.

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Facebook Remains Prime Destination for Patients Despite Privacy and Data Scandals 

Even though Facebook has faced a few data privacy scandals over the past couple of years, it still remains the top destination for patients and patient influencers to discuss their health and medication. According to WEGO Health’s first Quarterly Landscape Survey for 2019 titled, “Patient Influencer Perspectives on Social Media,” more than 98% of patient influencers continue to use Facebook, 90% use it at least once daily, and less than 3% have reduced their use of Facebook or stopped using the platform altogether.

“We were curious to learn how patient influencers are changing the way they work and interact with social and with patient online communities for social challenges, particularly given some of the controversy surrounding Facebook and Instagram with their data sharing practices,” explains David Goldsmith, WEGO Health’s Chief Strategy Officer. “It was interesting to see that in the end patients are still deeply wedded to using Facebook because that’s where the patient communities are. That is where a critical mass of users are, and patients want platforms where they can connect with the largest audience possible.”

Social Media Usage by Channel – WEGO Health 2019

That is potentially one of the reasons why the 412 patient influencers across dozens of chronic, complex, and rare health conditions in the U.S. who were surveyed would gravitate to other large social platforms if for some reason Facebook was no longer an option. The top choice among respondents to replace Facebook was Instagram (34%) followed by Twitter (26%) and websites that host patient discussion groups or forums such as Health Union or MyHealthTeams (23%).

Patient Data and Social Media

Patients, for the most part, also continue to trust social media sites with their data. Of the social media sites asked about, Twitter and Instagram were the most trusted followed by Facebook. The least trusted were YouTube and Snapchat (which were also two of the least used by patients, with over 50% never having used Snapchat before for anything). Furthermore, 55% of patient influencers did not change any of their privacy settings following the data scandals, and only 37% made some kind of change to their privacy settings. And about 60% continue to share health information publicly, with about 40% sharing messages privately—though 49% say whether they share publicly or privately depends on the type of content.

“By and large I think patient influencers are very savvy about information that gets shared on Facebook and tend to be very mindful of what they are sharing, which tends to be centered around support and how they navigate various aspects of their care,” Goldsmith explains. “So day to day you don’t have a lot of patient influencers who are talking about very personal aspects of their own health, but if they choose to then they may opt to use private groups or direct messaging in order to share the kind of information that they really only want to be seen by a limited number of eyes.”

Patients’ Experiences with Brands

One type of information that patients are very willing to share is their experience with a medication. Nearly 7 in 10 respondents have shared both positive and negative experiences, while 13% were exclusively positive, compared to 5% that were exclusively negative. But despite their willingness to discuss medications, very few patients are engaging with pharma.

While 92% of respondents follow an advocacy organization on social and 48% follow a healthcare professional, only 20% to 30% follow a pharma company, with more following a brand if they are on that specific therapy. Additionally, while 66% of influencers subscribe to one or more channels on YouTube, less than 10% subscribe to a channel sponsored by a pharma brand.

“There’s absolutely an opportunity for brands to be working with those patients to both understand how they have benefited from those therapies and then to determine whether those individuals can be brand advocates,” Goldsmith says. “We know from our own experience that there are many patients out there who are grateful to pharma for the medications they’re taking, and those are often voices that are not visible or as visible as they need to be in patient communities. There is a need to bridge that gap so that pharma is collaborating with these patient leaders to help them get the word out to patient communities about how they have benefitted from these medications and why they should learn more about their options.”

Most Trusted Health-Related Content

Pharma also needs to do a better job with the resources that they are offering patients. Only 3% of respondents turn to pharma websites for health-related content and just over 20% even trust the content they find on there—making it the least trusted of the resources asked about. Instead, patients once again turn to patient groups on social media as their go-to resource (even though it ranks fourth in terms of the most trusted resources) followed by health-focused sites like Mayo Clinic and WebMD (which are their most trusted resources) and patient advocacy organization websites (third most trusted) and healthcare providers (second most trusted).

Most Trusted Sources for Health-Related Topics – WEGO Health 2019

Goldsmith says it is not trivial that pharma is low on that list of trusted resources when you consider that the top 10 conditions that the patients surveyed had were:

Chronic Pain

Autoimmune Diseases

Mental Health

Anxiety

Fibromyalgia

Cancer

Multiple Sclerosis

Rare Disease

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Depression

“These are not just chronic, but in many cases complex conditions, so people may be taking multiple medications,” Goldsmith explains. “In some cases, big molecule drugs are very expensive and have imposed challenges around medication management. And yet, despite that, patients are spending precious little time on pharma websites. So there is a big opportunity for pharma to better understand from patient leaders what would make their sites more valuable, because there’s just a very big disconnect there.”

In terms of what pharma could be doing differently, Goldsmith suggests providing support and guidance to patients and not being focused on selling them on a drug. In fact, he says some of the feedback WEGO Health has received consistently over the years is that people aren’t drawn to pharma websites because it feels to them like an extension of a TV ad. Instead, sites should do a better job of providing educational resources like doctor discussion guides, more in-depth information or links to resources that patients may find helpful, and information on copay assistance or managing the cost of treatment.

Influence of Online Communities

One way or another, it is important for pharma to find ways to better engage with patients when you consider 95% of those surveyed said they use social media to advocate on a specific health condition or topic. Furthermore, 94% of patient influencers say that online communities play at least a “somewhat important” role in their health decisions, with nearly half (48%) saying that online communities play a “very important” or “extremely important” role.

“One of the things that’s clear from this report is that given the connections that influencers have in patient communities and the fact that they are a trusted voice in those communities, pharma’s best bet is to work with those influencers as opposed to trying to go it alone,” Goldsmith suggests. “We see from the data that they just don’t have the followers and the connections with those communities that the influencers themselves do.”

Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

We All Get Sick Sometimes: How to Keep Going When You Feel Miserable

“Life is too short to be miserable.” – Rita Mae Brown

While it would be wonderful if you never got sick, that’s not life. In fact, you can count on having some bouts of illness no matter how healthy you currently are or have been. There are countless opportunities to encounter germs, carried by people who are infected — even if they don’t look sick — or clinging to surfaces you touch. Allergies afflict millions every day, while family contact and heredity account for many more instances of sickness and illness. When you do fall ill, it may be of short duration or a long and drawn-out episode. Either way, you might feel miserable. Here’s some advice on how to keep going when that happens, drawn from personal experience and a keen sense of research on what works and what doesn’t.

Keep your perspective.

It might seem like this illness or condition will last forever, yet it’s likely more of a barrier in your thoughts than will pan out. A cold or the flu will run its course over a week or two, unless there are complications. A broken leg will eventually heal, given appropriate medical treatment. A chronic disease or condition can be managed with time and discipline. Doing the best that you can to be good to yourself while what’s bothering you now rages on will help speed recovery.

In the meantime, take the long view. Envision yourself getting stronger each day and regaining your health and vitality. By seeing a mental image of a healthier you, you’re priming yourself to get on the road to improvement. Research proves that imagining being able to perform a task, even when physically unable to do so, may benefit recovery. Remember that the next time illness lays you low.

Leave the big decisions for later.

When you’re sick is no time to make major changes in your life. For one thing, you’re not thinking clearly. For another, making an impulse decision now could jeopardize long-term goals, alienate those you care about most or whose friendship or counsel you value highly. When you are anxious, sad, worried or angry about not being able to continue with your schedule, you might make an impromptu choice to quit school, break up with a loved one, close off contact with friends, cope by making rash purchasing decisions.

Keep in mind that smart choices are often the ones given appropriate time to consider carefully. Jot down points you find pertinent now, with the aim of revisiting them when you feel better. At present, make healing your highest priority. All other decisions, unless urgent, can wait for later.

Adopt an optimistic outlook.

Have you ever found that thinking in negative terms subsequently affected how you performed when doing the task? That’s called self-fulfilling prophecy by some or engaging in negative self-talk by others. Whatever phrase you ascribe to it, avoid doing it. In fact, researchers have found that imagining a more positive future colors memory of such action when it becomes part of the past. You remember more positive things about the action than negative ones. This can help when you’re stuck in pain at present, nursing an illness and doing the best self-care you can to speed healing. It’s much preferred than wallowing in negativity, which only exacerbates your current misery.

Focus on today.

If you can remember what bothered you so intensely six months ago, it’s likely a distant memory. In similar fashion, what seems so monumental now will likely fade quickly. This includes physical and emotional pain, perhaps caused by chronic illness or the sudden onset of a virus or bacterial infection. Painful emotions, another type of deeply-felt pain, can also be resolved over time with appropriate professional help and the support of loved ones and family members. One technique that may prove helpful is to center your thoughts on today. Just get through the next 24 hours. Things will be better tomorrow. Whether you’re dealing with substance abuse, going through detox, suffering cravings and urges, getting used to pain medication post-surgery, dealing with depression, anxiety, or a broken heart from a recent break-up, tomorrow is another day. In the meantime, you’re healing. That’s what’s most important.

Lighten your load by only doing what’s essential.

Since you’re not physically or emotionally capable of doing everything on your schedule when you’re miserable, the smart move is to remove some items from your to-do list. In fact, ditch nonessential ones completely for now, as they’ll only drain what precious energy you can marshal today. There’ll be time to circle back to them once you’re feeling better. Ask for help tackling tasks and handling responsibilities from loved ones, family members, friends and co-workers. Be sure you reciprocate the favor when they request similar assistance from you. Of the items left that must be attended to, prioritize them and do the best you can with the highest priority one. A single mom who must make dinner for her children will make this a priority, even if that dinner consists of microwaved casseroles or canned soup heated on the stove. Be sure to let the kids know that regular dinners will resume once you feel better – and keep your promise.

When possible, communicate with a friend.

There’s nothing lonelier than suffering in misery by yourself. Pain seems magnified, like you can’t escape it. Thoughts of dire consequences and fears about illness progressively getting worse also tend to rush in during times of solitude. If you’re not contagious and feel that the physical presence of a friend, loved one, family member, neighbor or co-worker will be welcome, invite that person for a visit. If an in-home visit isn’t possible, connect via phone call or social media, even email. Exchanging conversation will at least take your mind off your ills for a brief period. Often, this is enough to change the trajectory of your convalescence, going from stalemate to an upward swing.

Be sure to hydrate.

Many medications have an unpleasant side-effect of dehydration. Even if you don’t require prescription medications when you’re feeling miserable, over-the-counter medications can also cause dehydration. Perhaps you’re not taking any medication. Do you still need to rehydrate when you’re feeling miserable? The answer is that you do. By the time you think you’re thirsty, you’re already dehydrated. This is detrimental to every organ in your body, including your brain. When you’re consumed with thoughts about how bad you feel, you’re probably not taking adequate care of yourself, and that includes drinking sufficient fluids. Water is the best choice to hydrate, so aim for 6-8 8-oz. glasses of water daily.

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16

Devin Timpone: Short story idea (A synopsis)

Backstory:

Nuclear warfare has devastated most of the western world in a matter of only a few months. This left almost unlivable conditions for humanity in the following years. After the initial attacks wiped out almost two thirds of America’s population, those left faced the consequences of radiation. Some lost eye sight, others the ability to walk, but most inherited a cancer-type disease which damaged the skin and left them in poor immunity for the rest of their lives. At this point, America faced the biggest depression of its existence. Civilization ceased to exist, religion was non existent, and people fought brutally over the lasting remains of food and water. Maybe believed it was the end. According to our narrator, this time was formally known as “The Dark.” Years later, a religious group with new, exotic ideas gained popularity amongst anyone who was left. They offered hope, and a reevaluation of the values and morals people should hold. They preached the idea that the world fell because of a disconnect between humans and the earth. They believed humanity became too concerned with materialistic goods, ego, and technology, which in turn, destroyed the planet.

As this group gained power, people accepted them as a form of government and rule. They helped restore agriculture and vegetation. They truly did improve living conditions, and for a desperate world, they were a beacon of hope. They preached an ideal of nature over nurture really emphasizing that humans are born with the potential to do right, but only if they live undistracted by material goods and pleasure over the course of their lifetime. This began a new era known as “The Light”, or “The New World.”

There became a push for procreation, in order to restore the population size. Children born in this new world are known The Cardinal Generation. These children are special because they are the only ones to not have any radiation effects. They are healthy, strong, and in good health, and so the rest of society really depends on them to restore life to the way it used to be. Our narrator, twenty-two year old Finn, was a child of The Cardinal Generation. The New world is the only world he knows.

For the cardinal generation, fate is predetermined. At birth, babies are assigned to a “house” which is consistant with a sort of trade. Examples: healers, fighters, nurturers, etc.  What house they are assigned to is dependent on uncontrollable, celestial circumstances such as the position of the moon when they are born. Their religion preaches that this is predetermined and chose by the universe.  They can fall into one of ten houses, each consistent with a particular element— which determines what job they will have in the future. An example: our narrator was deemed ignisis, or, “of the fire” which makes him a good fighter. He has known since he was a little kid that he would fight in battle. The new civilization is known as Luminor. Pleasures of today such as phones, magazines, pop culture, media, are banished, and considered black market goods. Our main character explains most people collect banished items from the black market. He had a wooden drum to play with as a child. It was his prize possession.

Most people live in rural areas, because big cities have turned into polluted, drug infested slums. People who do not follow the laws are often sent to cities to live the rest of their days. Cities are one of the only places you can find large amounts of goods from the old world. Most people who live in cities have severe, fatal forms of radiation poisoning and serve no use to the rest of society.

Plot:

The story opens up in Finn’s first person perspective, waking up in a hospital bed after having a strange, vivid, reoccurring dream. He is suffering a gruesome leg injury from a homemade bomb and has been unable to walk for weeks. It’s only now that he is gaining movement in it again.

He explains how there is tension between government rule and those who oppose it, those people being nicknamed “shuks.” Over the last few months, Luminor has seen a handful of ambushes from these rebels, and now Finn must recover quickly so he can be sent to fight back. He watches the nurses say a prayer for his sake.

We meet Finn’s best friend and the secondary character of the novel. He is known to almost everyone as “Spud.” Born Nathanial Isaac Dudley, Spud is one of five boys, each of which have died in battle. Finn feels great responsibility to keep Spud alive, for the sake of his single, grieving, mother. Spud is goofy, brash, and child-like. He isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but has great courage and the ability to give his all to whatever cause he’s fighting for.

` Spud informs Finn that’s missed quite alot in the hospital. Since he was admitted, conditions in Luminor have turned violent again. Tensions between government rule and protestors have peaked. There has been a handful of ambushes from The Shuks in the last few days, an now they believe the Shuks are planning on ambushing Luminor again tonight. And since the hospital is in enemy territory, it’s vital that they move now and catch up with the other troops.

Spud supports Finn’s weight as they leave the hospital and move forward. Finn’s still losing alot of blood and goes in and out of consciousness. It’s through these moments of unconsciousness that we learn more about Finn from his memories. He remembers “Transition” day, when he was sent away from his families at eighteen to begin his civic assignment as a solider. He remembers saying goodbye to his parents and how proud they were of him.

He also thinks Audra, his fiancè. In this society, each of the ten houses has another house that it goes with. The house you’re matched with is opposite you, and they’re stuck together to promote an idea of balance. You can only be married to someone who has the house sign of your designated match. Audra is a quiet, peaceful, girl. She’s assigned to the house Terrasis (nature and growth). At this point, we are unsure of the nature of Finn and Audra’s relationship, but he hints that they do not have much in common. Regardless, he cares about her deeply and sees a long future with her. After walking around for some time, Spud and Finn have reached the gates of the city. The plan is to meet up with the rest of the troops who have stationed in an abandoned building. Instead, they are lost wandering down dangerous city states. Finn comments on the unfamiliar smells and accumulation of garbage and debris that lines the streets. He has never seen a city up close before. Before they realize, they are stopped by two Shuks of english decent. They smell like cigarettes and look intoxicated. Unable to fight back with Finn in such poor shape, Spud and Finn submit to being held at gunpoint by the men. They are taken to an underground site of rebel Shuks where they are placed in a holding cell, mocked and ridiculed. Finn slips back into unconsciousness, where he dreams he is a drummer on stage in an alternate life, being cheered on by a crowd. When he wakes up, Spud is fighting off a drunken Shuk in an attempt to get away. In this chaos, a homemade bomb is dropped into the room they are being held. Spud jumps on the bomb to take the heat of the explosion. He is killed, and Finn’s life is spared. With his hearing impaired, Finn desperately looks around for a way out. Desperate and traumatized by his friend’s death, he limps through the underground tunnels until he comes across a familiar face. The girl he encounters is one from a vague, but present memory of his childhood. She is a childhood friend of his, one who was assigned to the house of intellect, but instead left Luminor to join the rebellion. Finn remembers her name: Runa. They instantly recognize each other. Runa decides to help Finn, since she knows he will most likely die from his injuries in the near future. She helps him disguise himself as a Shuk and shows him around the underground tunnels of the city. Finn is amazed by the music, chaos, and parties of the city. It’s unlike anything he’s ever experienced. As much as it terrifies him, he is drawn to it. It’s like a secret that’s been kept from him this whole time. Finn stays there for weeks and has an existential crisis— feeling guilty for leaving the rest of his troops to fight while he stays with the people he was raised to believe is the enemy. We see changes in his character as he embraces the philosophies of these people and begins to believe house system is impractical and a device to control the general public. He’s not sure what he believes at this point— and wonders who would be if he wasn’t assigned to be a soldier. A part of him wonders if he could be a musician, because of how much he loves the sound of drums. The story comes to an end when the city is ambushed by Luminor. The last thing we know is Finn being faced with a choice to fight with the Shuks or the war boys. We don’t explicitly know the outcome of his choice, because his perspective once again goes into the unconscious state. He has a dream of an alternate reality where he lives without houses or rules, laws, or a fundamentalist upbringing. He begins to believe that the house he was assigned doesn’t define him, but the person he has become and the experiences he has gone through does instead. In the final scene, weeks later, the number of rebels have almost tripled. They begin to walk into the streets of Luminor, protesting, chanting, in a mob of music, song, and banished clothing and jewelry. Though they know they could easily be shot and killed, they continue to walk, fearlessly, motivated by their cause. Finn is the back of the line, face painted, in real clothing, playing the drums to the beat of the music.