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daisynik7 · 1 year

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Give You Blue

Chapter 5: Dreams

Pairing: Eren x f!reader, Reiner x f!reader (past relationship)

Rating: Explicit (for mature content)

cw: switching POVs (reader is in 2nd person, Eren is in 3rd), implications of a panic attack and anxiety, language, angst, mature content, sexually explicit content

Word Count: ~3.9k

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Summary: Your friendship with Eren is taken to the next level. You have a sweet dream that turns into a nightmare. Eren tells his parents that he is considering changing his major. Author’s Note: What do we think of this chapter? I know it’s a bit of a slow burn, so I appreciate you sticking with this! Likes, comments, and/or reblogs are always appreciated. If you want to be tagged in the next chapter(s), please let me know! Divider created by @/mikeykuns.

You press firmly on the strings of the guitar, stretching your pinky as far as you can to reach whatever note Eren instructed you to. With a gentle strum, you play the chord. Well, sort of. It definitely doesn’t sound the way it did when he showed you. You drop your head, sighing. “Okay, it’s official. I suck at guitar.”

Eren sits crossed legged in front of you. “You don’t. Try again,” he encourages, a small smile on his face.

“I can’t get my hands to bend the right way!” You hold your palm out in front of him, twisting your fingers in all types of misshapen claw formations. “Admit it. I suck.”

“You don’t suck.”

“It’s okay, I’ve accepted it! And as my mentor, you should too. Say it.”

“I will not,” he refuses, folding his arms over his chest, smirking.

“C’mon, Eren! Look,” You play the broken chord again, louder this time, trying to prove a point. “See?! Say it!”

He chuckles, responding quietly, “Okay, maybe you do suck at this. Just a little bit,” pinching a small space of air between his thumb and index finger.

You set the guitar back on its stand, laughing. “Ha! I knew it. This tells me that I should leave this to the professionals.” You grin at him, hugging your knees to your chest as you sit across from him on the carpeted floor.

Ever since the game-night Eren hosted a few weeks ago, the two of you have grown closer. More often now, you find yourself in his room, chatting about life, listening to each other vent, watching a movie, or indulging in his wonderful guitar skills. He even attempted to teach you the stringed instrument; the key word being attempted. Being with him makes you almost forget the misery that you suffered at the beginning of this semester. Almost.

Reiner remains relentless in his efforts to contact you. While you’ve managed to avoid any personal confrontations ever since the last one outside your dorm, he hasn’t stopped reaching out through text. A few times throughout the week, he’ll call you, leaving a short message that’s along the lines of, “Hey, it’s me again. Call me when you’re ready to talk.” You never pick up, nor respond, and still, he tries.

You wish you were unfazed by it, but parts of you cling to the past. Deep down, it pains you to ignore him. Sometimes, you see him as Reiner, your best friend, the kid you grew up with. Protecting you on the playground, confiding in you during his lowest moments, picking you up during yours. And as much as you want to preserve those memories of him like a delicate treasure, one bad breakup is enough to shatter it. To make you realize that maybe the two of you should have stayed friends all along, and nothing more.

Surprisingly, you’ve been able to talk about this easily with Eren. Annie has always been your main confidant throughout, but her less than gentle approach sometimes leaves you defeated, as if you’re wrong for having these conflicted feelings for your ex. As much as you’d like to be completely, one hundred percent over him, it isn’t that simple. And with Eren, he understands that. Having no stakes in it, or knowing who Reiner is, he listens to your inner turmoil without judgment. He makes you feel normal.

He's been opening up to you, too, sharing his on-going struggles with his pre-med major and the impossible expectations of his father. He maintains that pleasant smile on his face, despite being crushed by whatever weight that’s been forced on him from an early age. A victim of suffering he’s been subjected to inherit, without any say. It’s his father’s burden that was passed on to him, to continue whatever legacy he thinks will help the world. Dr. Jaeger is always looking out for the greater good of society, never about his own family.

It’s been nice confiding in each other, not having to hold back for the sake of each other’s feelings. When you were with Reiner, you always had to be extra cautious around him, wanting to avoid saying anything that might hurt him. In Eren’s case, he’s never been able to be honest with his father. While he has his mother, he can’t always be completely honest with her, not wanting to cause any rift amongst his parents.

Eren is actually considering changing his major. He’s been in contact with Erwin Smith, getting an idea of what the process would look like. The senior has been more than helpful, alleviating any concerns he might have about the transition, even setting up a time to meet with his father, who works as a teacher at a nearby elementary school. Still, he’s apprehensive to make the final step, as expected. It’s a big decision, one that changes the course of his future. It might cause drama between him and his family. No matter what he ends up deciding, you’ve made it clear that you’ll support him through and through.

You check your phone for the time. “It’s getting late. I should probably head back to my room now before Annie gets worried.”

He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, wouldn’t want her getting an ideas about us.”

“Oh, believe me, she already has. She’s convinced we’re dating,” you say, standing up.

He follows, stepping towards the door, fingers at the handle. “How scandalous! I can picture the headlines now: Anxiety-ridden RA whisks beautiful resident off her feet to run away into the sunset together.”

You beam at him. “Now that’s a story I’d love to read.”

He smiles back. “Me too.”

Recently, there’s been a shift in energy between you two. There’s no denying it: you are attracted to him, both to his magnetic personality and his charming looks. But there’s this everlasting guilt in the pit of your stomach, preventing you from pursuing anything romantic with him. Simply imagining it brings you shame, like it’s inappropriate to think about. Obviously, you and Reiner are over, maybe for good. And you’re almost certain he’s been with other women since, at least, that’s what your self-conscious mind theorizes. So what’s stopping you? Is it fear? Fear of working hard at another relationship, only for it to crumble before your feet, like it did with your ex? You can’t take any more heartache. It’s easier to avoid it all together.

As you’ve said before, the easier road isn’t always better. And the optimistic, love-sick fool in you believes there’s a chance at a happy ending, this time with Eren instead of Reiner. It’s new, foreign territory, a journey filled with the unknown. Is it worth the risk?

For now, you keep these thoughts buried in the back of your mind. You value your friendship with Eren, enough to not ruin it. Besides, you’re unsure how he feels about you. Maybe you’re better off as friends and nothing more, just as it should have been with Reiner. And while this hurts to realize, it’s better for everyone in the long run. There’s no room for heartbreak if you don’t give your heart to anyone. It’s that simple, right?

He holds open the door for you, leaning against the frame. “Sweet dreams.”

“You always say that,” you giggle.

“Well, that’s because I mean it. I really hope you have some seriously sweet dreams tonight.”

You step out into the hall slowly. “Thanks, Mr. RA. I wish the same for you, too. Goodnight.” With a final wave, you head into your room, cheeks pleasantly warm with a bright smile on your face.

~~~

“You’re beautiful.”

Eren lays beside you in bed, cupping your face in his hand, thumb brushing delicately along your cheekbone. He leans closer, lips brushing yours into a gentle kiss. A rush of heat radiates to every inch of your skin, electricity buzzing through your veins. “I want you to feel good,” he whispers, mouth grazing your ear, fingers sliding down your throat and to your chest, resting his palm over your heart. You hold your breath as he touches you, nervous to be vulnerable with him.

Sensing this trepidation, he pulls away to look at you, tipping your chin towards him to meet his gaze. With a comforting smile, he says, “It’s okay. You’re safe with me.”

And you believe him. At his words, you’re at ease, letting his hands caress your body, stripping you naked. He scatters kisses on your neck, trailing down your stomach, slowly making his way between your thighs. Peering up at you, he asks, “Can I taste you?”

You nod, eager to feel his tongue on you.

He latches his lip on your arousal, licking and slurping at your clit. Your fingers are bunched in his hair, feeling his head thrash side-to-side against your pussy.

“Fuck, Eren. Feels so good,” you moan, indulging in the pleasure.

At the mention of his name, he suddenly stops. When he raises his head to look at you, it’s Reiner. He crawls up to face you, nose-to-nose, sneering. “How could you do this to me, Coco? Cheating on me with your fucking RA? You fucking bitch.”

You stare at him, wide-eyed and in shock, limbs rigid at your sides, unable to move. You’re trapped beneath him, the air growing thin, making it difficult to breath. As you suffocate, he grabs your face in a rough grasp, seething the words, “Cheater, cheater, cheater” over and over again…

You wake up with sweat beading on your forehead, blanket twisted around your limbs. Guilt weighs heavily on your chest as you take deep breaths to calm down. It was a dream, thankfully. Reiner’s never called you a bitch before. It was the worst version of him your mind could think of in the form of a nightmare.

Sitting up in bed, wiping the perspiration from your face, you recall Eren’s uncanny farewell to you hours earlier. It definitely started as a sweet dream; the idea of you and Eren being intimate with each other has you flustered. All the times you’ve been alone with him in his room, elbows grazing, hands brushing, the shared looks that last seconds longer than they need to. It’s a leap of faith, to cross that line. And fear is what holds you back. Fear of failure, of falling in love to only stumble out of it again. Fear and guilt. It’s silly to feel guilty about it, especially since you’re the one who got your heart broken. But nightmare Reiner calling you a bitch and a cheater haunts you.

You lay back down in bed, fitting your head comfortably in your pillow. It takes a while longer for you to fall asleep; eventually, you do. And deep down, you’re disappointed when you don’t have another dream about Eren.

~~~

Eren sits in an alcove on his favorite beach, watching the sunset on the horizon. He managed to catch this beautiful sight before he has to meet his parents for dinner. It’s their semi-annual visit; his father managed to squeeze him in on his very busy schedule. Lucky him.

He takes this time to lose himself, pretend that it’s just him and the sea, basking in the day’s last moments of sunshine. It’s too pretty to indulge in all alone. Suddenly, he has the urge to share this with someone else. Without thinking, he scrolls through his contacts, finding the one person he wants to talk to. The resident from Room 104. His friend.

It takes two rings until she answers. “Hey, are you okay?”

He smiles to himself, amused at her immediate concern. He realizes now that he’s never actually called her before. They’ve texted plenty, exchanged funny tweets, greeted each other good mornings and goodnights. But to hear her in his ear, as if she’s sitting beside him, feels right. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just called to say hi.”

There’s a beat before she responds with a simple, “Hi.” He can practically hear the rounded cheeks on her face. His chest swells, happy he decided to dial her number. “Where are you right now?” she asks.

“I’m watching the sunset on the beach,” he replies, wiggling his toes into the sand.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s beautiful here. It puts my mind at ease.” He wants to add that her soothing voice has the same effect; he decides to keep that to himself.

She hums. “Sounds like paradise. Where is this, exactly?”

“It’s my super-secret spot. No one knows about it, not even Armin or Mikasa. You have to be really special to know about it.”

She laughs. “I guess I’ll have to charm it out of you, then.”

Too late. He unsure exactly when it started, but lately, Eren has been seeing her in a different light. From the first time they met, even though snot and tears as she cried over her ex because of a cupcake, he was drawn to her. In a weird way, he felt a connection; she’s going through her own struggles like he is. Everyone around him is having a fabulous time, nailing their classes, partying like there’s no tomorrow. And he never resented his friends for enjoying their college experience. He felt left out. Different.

And maybe it’s true: misery really does love company. However, being with her is far from miserable. Although they confess to one another their strife in life, it’s cathartic, like a cumbersome burden gradually easing away. When they’re not complaining about annoying exes or overbearing parents, they’re sharing new memories together, learning more about each other, solidifying that bond. That connection.

He likes her, enjoys being around her. Sacrifices precious study time to teach her guitar, though she really does suck at it. He forgets about the unending quizzes and tests he has to constantly prepare for because he’d rather sit on his carpeted floor, snacking on Pocky Sticks or eating Chinese takeout with a movie playing on his laptop. He’d choose her over textbooks any day because being with her is like an escape. A breath of fresh air when he’s otherwise suffocating from the pressure.

Before he realizes, he’s saying, “I’ll show you this one day. You’ll love it.”

“Does that mean I’m special?” she teases. He pictures her on the other line, smiling with the phone pressed to her ear, lying in bed. All cozy in the sheets, probably in some dainty pajamas. The hem of her shirt riding up, exposing that cute belly. Maybe she isn’t wearing a bra, nipples peaked through the fabric…

He’s officially lost it. Face hot with shame, he rattles his head, as if doing so will eliminate the naughty thoughts occupying his mind. Swallowing hard, he answers, “You are special. Very, very special…” It comes out awkwardly. His cheeks are sweltering with both guilt and embarrassment now. What’s going on with him?

Luckily, she seems to think he’s still normal, replying, “You’re special too, Mr. RA. Thank you for being such a good friend to me.”

Friend. He has to remind himself that they’re just that, and nothing more. If only she knew the effect he has on him. Would she give him a chance?

His phone vibrates in his hand, and he knows it’s his mom texting him that they’re on the way. It’s his cue to head back into town. He reluctantly says goodbye, nothing else incriminating coming out of his mouth. With one last glance at the ocean, he turns around towards his car, dreading what’s to come.

~~~

Less than an hour later, Eren and his parents are sitting around a table at an Italian restaurant downtown. The waiter serves their drinks, iced water for Eren, two glasses of red wine for his parents. His mom is holding over most of the conversation, catching Eren up on all of the family news. He doesn’t care, but he likes listening to her talk. It’s relaxing for him, allows him to not think about anything else. That is, until his father starts speaking.

“Eren, Zeke’s been telling me you haven’t been performing well in Organic Chemistry. Is that true?”

What a fucking snitch. It doesn’t surprise him; Zeke’s always knocking Eren down a peg so he can look taller in the eyes of their father. And while he says he means well, he actually doesn’t. However, this is a good opportunity to segue into what he actually wants to discuss. “Yeah, dad. That’s true. Ochem is really kicking my ass right now.”

Dr. Jaeger takes a swig of his wine. “Do you need a tutor? I’ll give you money to hire one.”

Eren tips his water into his mouth, gulping slowly. He’s getting nervous, second guessing himself if he should really say what’s been on his mind for the past couple weeks. Before he chickens out, he decides to go for it. “Actually, I’m considering changing my major.”

The silence is loud, even with the other patrons clinking their dishes and chatting away. His mother stares at him, eyes wide and mouth parted open. His father swirls the alcohol in his hand, staring at the liquid whirling around the glass. It lasts for at least a full minute, or at least, that’s what it seems like to Eren. He’s tempted to add, “Just kidding!” to make this painfully uncomfortable quiet disappear.

Finally, his father speaks. “If this is your idea of a joke, it’s not very funny, Eren.”

“I’m not kidding.”

He leans forward, inspecting his son’s face carefully. “What would you change it to?”

Eren taps his foot nervously beneath the table, responding, “Education. I want to be a teacher.”

His father barks a cruel laugh, startling your mother and the neighboring table, who stares, intrigued. “Teacher? You want to be a teacher? Eren, this is ludicrous. I’m not going to waste my money on your tuition for you to become a teacher.”

“What’s wrong with being a teacher?!” Eren snaps.

“I’m paying for you to become a doctor. Teachers don’t make any money.”

Eren mumbles, “Not everything in life is about money.”

“That’s a very naïve mindset. How will you support a family without a decent income?”

“There are plenty of teachers who can afford to raise a family, so I don’t see how that’s relevant.” And besides, making more money doesn’t automatically mean you’re a better parent. Prime example is Dr. Jaeger himself, but Eren knows better than to throw that back to him.

His dad shakes his head, massaging his temples as if he’s got a bad headache. “You need to hire a tutor, Eren. The courses are difficult, but getting a tutor will help.”

“It’s not just that, dad. I’m not happy. I don’t want to be a doctor.”

His mom chimes in. “Honey, are you sure you’ve given this enough thought? This is a big decision.”

He nods. “I have. It’s been on my mind for a while now. And I know in my heart this is what I want.”

She gives him a small grin, glancing at her husband, who’s reeling in his seat. “Grisha, it’s going to be okay.”

“Carla, this is his future. He’s ruining his life.”

Eren scoffs. “Dad, is it really that bad?”

He glares at him. “You were supposed to take over my practice.”

“You have Zeke.”

He continues to rattle his head, freaking out. “If you change your major, I will not pay for the rest of your tuition.”

It’s a threat. Eren’s prepared for the worst. “I’ll get a job, take out loans. If you don’t want to support me, fine. But that’s not going to change my mind.”

It’s silent again for what seems like forever. Suddenly, Dr. Jaeger stands up, tossing his napkin from his lap onto the table. “I can’t listen to this anymore. Carla, we’re leaving.”

“Grisha.”

He stares at Eren dead in the eyes. “You were supposed to be special. I had very high hopes for you, Eren. Now, you’re just a disappointment.”

It’s words. That’s all it is. Eren has to remind himself that. Sticks and stones, right? But the disdain on his father’s face, the contempt dripping in his frown, all of that combined with what comes out of his mouth so easily, without a hitch in his breath. It breaks his heart. He is not prepared to hear this. While it doesn’t completely surprise him, it still hurts. He fights the tears, gulping down the sorrow building in his throat. Drinking the remaining water in his empty cup as his father storms off, his mother chasing after him, pleading with him to come back. Eren waits a couple of minutes, hoping they return, that his dad apologizes and takes back what he said. It doesn’t happen. His phone vibrates and reveals a text from his mom.

Mom: I’m sorry honey

Mom: We’re driving back home now

Mom: I will talk to your father and I will call you later

In the worst timing possible, the food they ordered minutes before disaster is served. Eren asks the waiter to package everything up, no longer hungry. After he pays the check, he drives back to campus, grip tight on the wheel, listening to whatever music is on his playlist at full volume. Trying to drown his father’s words replaying over and over in his head. You were supposed to be special. I had very high hopes for you. You’re just a disappointment.

He parks the car in his usual spot, sulking in the driver’s seat for a little while longer until he exits, carrying the heavy bag of pasta towards his room. It’s a Friday night, and of course, the dorms are empty because everyone is out partying, not being a disappointment to their parents. He approaches his door, leaning forward to press his forehead against, feeling like he’s at the bottom of the barrel, trying to claw his way out somehow. He can’t call his mom because she’s probably too busy dealing with the aftermath. So, he dials the only other person he knows will listen. The only other person he can rely on.

She picks up his call quickly, after one ring. “Eren?”

He thinks he can hear her faintly down the hall from inside her bedroom. His feet shuffle towards Room 104, dragging the to-go bag of food along with him. “Hi,” he greets, sullen.

“Are you okay? Where are you?” She sounds concerned, and in this fucked up state he’s in, it’s what he needs. Someone who cares.

“No, I’m not,” he sniffles, tears rolling down his cheeks. “It was a mistake. I should have never said anything.”

“Where are you?” she repeats, more frantic this time. From outside, he can hear her bed squeak as she hops off it. The swish of a jacket. The jingle of keys. Seconds later, she opens the door, finding him already standing there, begging for comfort.

And it’s not weird when she hugs him, wrapped around his torso, her face nestled into his chest. She fits into him like a puzzle piece, a missing one he never knew he needed. This is the closest they’ve been, probably the most they’ve ever touched. Yet something about this is familiar. Maybe it’s the warmth radiating from her affectionate embrace. Or the way he instinctually bows his head to nuzzle his nose at the top of her head. This is what he’s yearned for, dreamed of. Someone who looks at him like he’s worth something, even when other’s see a failure. Someone who holds him tightly with every fiber of her being to make sure he knows he’s loved. It’s in the way she presses her ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. How her hand massages small circles onto his back, chanting, “It’s okay, Eren. It’s going to be okay.”

And with her in his arms, he actually believes it.

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benevolentslut · 23 days

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a thing i see people talk about a lot when it comes to annie + her character redemption is that one guy she spun around from his odm wire, wondering why she would do that, using it to justify hating her. and i've thought about it and i think the best way of summing it up is - she's already conflicted about doing all this horrible shit, and it's already, in her mind, over the line - and i don't think she knows where to distinguish a Second line, especially once emotions get involved. it's the same as when she kicked the crap out of her father and reiner. her emotions pushed her over the line and she lost track of where she should draw it after that point.

in the case of that guy, i think it's not emotion that pushes her to do it, but rather the persona. She believes she's supposed to be the enemy of Paradis, so she plays the part. She's already over the line by killing them at all, and so I think it was a subconscious extension of that - once you're over the line, where do you stop? When you're supposed to play the part at any cost, not going that far could subconsciously feel the same as failing the part.

with all that said - reading comprehension, it's still obviously Wrong of her, that is still a Personal Flaw, she is human 😭 just that i disagree with the idea that it was sadism or enjoyment or anything along those lines, and it's definitely not a reason to Hate her character.

#tho i do agree with her on the kicking her father bit like he was beating the shit out of her since she was old enough to learn techniques #that one's fully justified #also with reiner they Had just watched their friend die in front of them. might not've been Right to beat him but #fuck knows it's understandable to be emotional. they were kids #also when i say it's not a reason to Hate her i don't mean you have to like her obv #y'know what i mean #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #annie leonhart #aot spoilers #snk spoilers

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nixie-writes-aot · 10 months

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Reactions to S/O with Abusive Family

Warnings: mentioned abuse, abuse of power/status, hurt/comfort, fluff

Characters: Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, Zeke Yeager

Author's Note: This was written purely because I wanted some hurt/comfort fjndkdmd. There are two other parts because theres like 9 characters I wrote this for

Reiner Braun

Oh boy

Family is something that means a lot to Reiner. Especially s4 Reiner. He would do anything to protect his own so someone hurting their family member?

He can't fathom it

Reiner just wants to hold you close, shield you from everything that would dare even try to hurt you

Reiner is a broken man in many aspects but you make him feel whole, you make everything okay do seeing you hurt is not something that Reiner ever wants

When you come to him? Hurt and even scared? He wants to know why, he wants you to know he's there and always will be

Reiner is stunned when you tell him the stories, the way you feel around your family, how you felt the end to always always apologize or people please just to avoid conflict

Reiner decided then and there that he hated your family, that there was no excusing how they had been adults around you and instead of nurturing you, destroyed any semblance of a child that had existed within you

He pulls you close, enveloping you in a hug and let you sob and cry into his chest

Reiner had decided he would do anything just to help you move on from them

Although Reiner could barely hide his relief and a touch of disappointment when you said you hadn't seen them in years

Reiner was half tempted to mention his desire to make them suffer using his rank as Vice Chief but opts to keep that from you. For the moment, at least. Time and place and all

Bertholdt Hoover

When you tell him, Bertholdt is quiet at first. He's the kind to process things a touch slowly

But he is horrified

Bertholdt became a Warrior for his sick father, not unlike Pieck, so when you tell him that you admire that but could never do the same for your family? That some fathers never earn the love of their children?? Bertholdt is stunned

Not because of the "but family is family" bullshit no no. Bertholdt is stunned at how you're opening up and with him of all people and the fact that anyone would dare hurt you

Bertholdt mutters about wanting to hurt them for hurting you

This is a man who was pushed into killing hundreds just because he was convinced that Eldians were devils and those who were on the island were the worst of the worst

You can't tell me when faced with the story of how your abusers are still alive, he would be kind

Well. To you, he is kind

To them? He wants to feed them to the titans

Bertholdt slowly but surely pulls you close, buring his face in your chest and whispering positive affirmations that you are worth loving, deserved so much better, and are one of the best people he had ever met

Zeke Jeager

When you tell Zeke about it, he remembers his own parents

How only his grandparents earned his love and how his father especially received his ire

In Zeke's mind, Tom Ksaver is still his real father. Even if he had to eat him in the long run

Zeke is an odd man and he doesn't really emote much but he takes a hit off his cigarette, puts it out and turns to you. Zeke offers you a sympathetic nod, an apology, and pulls you close

Zeke, unlike Reiner, would absolutely use his position as the Warchief against the people who hurt you most

Zeke would lull you to sleep, letting you sleep in his bed and feel all the perks he gets as a Warchief that can actually speak during meetings with Marleyans

His sweet nothings persistent until you've drifted away and then he steps out, probably finds Yelena while he leans beside him with a cigarette

"Find two people for me. Full name and everything, then frame them. Make them suffer. They've hurt someone I care about greatly."

Yelena doesn't even have to ask who that person is, she knows its you so she does so without question nor fail

When you hear the news, you climb into his lap and sigh, kissing him sweetly and thanking him for the small amount of justice you get to see served

Zeke would do just about anything for you, he's sure of that much

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moonspirit · 1 year

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Armin is basically your guide to leaving the forest. He is what Humanity needs to retain its Humanity.

Armin is hated on so much after S4 for being "useless" and "not living up to Erwin" but people forget, Erwin was so good because he had YEARS of experience. When Erwin died, he was what, 40-ish? At 15-19, Erwin was much the same as any ordinary cadet, you can see in the flashbacks in S3 Part2, a very young Erwin crying with a wounded/dead soldier and trying to fend off a Titan.

Armin is the embodiment of what the survey corps stands for - "Understanding". He is a pacifist and optimist but not naive, he knows that he has to kill when push comes to shove. He doesn't like violence but agrees that it is necessary sometimes. There is nothing wrong with that. He's a very relatable character. Don't forget that Erwin recognised his potential. He literally looked shocked when Armin theorised Reiner to be hiding inside the walls in RTS arc. Armin is the first character in the whole show to internalize his enemies thoughts and actions and try to understand it from their pov. He always tries to talk first and when that doesn't work, he pulls the trigger. You can tell me "his talking doesn't work!" but that doesn't mean you don't try. He's convinced and manipulated people plenty of times. If your only option is always to kill first before anything else, then you're not in your right mind.

A character is not weak simply for wanting peace. Armin doesn't run from his conflicts, he always faces them head on whether he likes it or not. His yearning to choose the method with the least bloodshed is actually admirable - it's easier to just pull the trigger in a world like SnK where people hate you, no? Why go through all the effort of trying to make people understand? He's a very strong character because he stands by his convictions.

It's unfair to burden him with Erwin's legacy at this age. He's also selfless to a fault. While Erwin did care for his soldiers, he never hesitated to use them as bait. Armin lacks that trait - being ruthless. Instead he has shown time and time again that he'd rather sacrifice himself so others can go unharmed. Despite the lack of experience, he still came up with some of the best plans, strategies and deductions in the show, some of them conjured up within seconds, and all that when he was even younger than he is now. Reiner was sweating and shitting his pants when Armin figured out the Female Titan's intentions in under 30 sec. At 15, Armin secured the collosal Titan for the scouts with just 1 casualty - himself. Just a few examples. He lacks Erwin's experience and deals with a severe lack of confidence, but for his age, possesses a lethal brain and outstanding intellect.

One of his most forgotten contributions is during the Scouts vs Kenny's squad. It was his analysis of the anti-personnel ODM gear, and following strategy, that allowed the scouts to exploit the weaknesses of their opponents' weapons. They wouldn't have won those fights with such success otherwise. He's extremely perceptive. Notice that when he fucked with Bert's mind back in S2, it was bec apart from Reiner (who knew from long ago), only he had noticed Bertie boi had a thing for Annie. He pays attention to his surroundings. He picks up on every little detail. He knows where to hit where it hurts. His 'Annie' strategy with Bert in S3P2 fails because he didn't realize Bert was a different person, someone who had stopped Annie from being his weakness. That was a crucial lesson Armin had to learn, but he learned it. He's very good with his words. People don't want him to open his mouth and change their minds (eg, Connie with Falco, Daz & Samuel). He's a genius strategist and war tactician in the making, give him a few years and see what he becomes.

One of my most favourite moments is during the table scene with Eren before getting beaten up, the only psychological attack Eren fired at Armin ("You're only visiting Annie cuz of Bert"), did not sting Armin at all, it only shocked him that Eren would try to bullshit him into that false logic when clearly Armin knew better. So Eren chose to beat him up, but Armin still had the final word. "You're the slave Eren" absolutely got under Eren's skin.

He isn't dumbed down post S4, it's just that the stakes are infinitely higher.

There's a lot of blame on him for "not doing anything in those 4 years despite having a genius brain" etc etc. Armin wasn't commander. They were dealing with a hostile world which they were desperately trying to understand for the first time in a 100-year history of being isolated inside the walls. It is one thing to understand people inside the walls and fuck them up (like Erwin did multiple times) but another entirely to deal with several countries in a world you discovered overnight. Politics and diplomacy is hard af. I doubt Armin would have been able come up with some 20/20 vision plan at that point to end the whole conflict anyway. Pixis didnt. Hange also didn't. Nobody did! The island had other intelligent people too!

Regarding Erwin, the whole point of his death was to show that he was put to rest from his suffering. It is the end of Erwin's story.

I dare say that if Armin had become Erwin 2.0, the haters would have said "Oh, he's just a copy of Erwin, he's not his own person!" So, conclusion: he's not supposed to be Erwin. He's his own person with his own methods and he's 19, leave him alone and please compare people with comparable experience.

Dude also went through a ton of issues as a young kid and has a severe inferiority complex, guilt at being revived instead of Erwin and the constant pressure of living in Erwin's shadow. Add to that his best friend of 19 years disappears, forces him to nuke a port and kill people against his desires, then pushes him away, doesn't explain shit, snaps and goes on a mass murder spree - you have a guy under extreme duress and he's still thinking of the big picture on Paradis, that genocide is wrong even though it's his best friend doing it. He has already subconsciously realised that they cannot stop Eren without joining hands with the same enemies they tried to kill a while ago. So despite having a mental breakdown, he still goes to get Falco back, because as a person, he values humanity and understanding above everything and can't watch another one of his comrades lose his shit and feed a lil kid to a Titan.

I also believe that Armin knew Falco was a decent kid, considering what he was taught in Marley, and choosing to save him was symbolic in that Armin wants to save the one kid who sees through the fucked up hate. In this moment he was the closest he'd ever been to Erwin (since Erwin's death) with that calculated risk, but also very true to being *himself* , very Armin, because he jumped to his death, aka, selfless. Rescuing Falco was a v good call, not only because the kid is a shifter and therefore necessary to form the alliance, but also cuz if you are a manga reader, well, you know why. He slapped sense into Connie, rescued Falco, showed a young Gabi what compassion meant and won her trust , and laid down the foundation for the Alliance before even knowing Hange and Levi were alive. He always sees the bigger picture.

And don't even start with the whole AruAni hate, they had a thing going on right from S1 during training years. If anything, Bert's memories of Marley only reinforced his already existing feelings for Annie and he "understood" her. He didn't forgive her. He "understood" her. See what I'm getting at? AruAni only further supports the fact that children of war are just children in the end, and love can permeate even that imaginary barrier of being on "opposite sides". It's a beautiful ship and I'm fucking glad it's canon. Something to smile about in this depressing show T_T

Kenny's ideology of "everyone being a slave to something" applies to nearly everyone on the show. But not Armin. From his birth, he has only been motivated by one thing - curiosity to see, curiosity to understand, curiosity to experience. There is nothing that ties him down so much that he can't die and give up. He is arguably the most "free" character in the whole of SnK.

Eren sets out to achieve freedom at the cost of freedom itself. But for Armin, freedom is simply the beauty of simple, little things. They are the two sides of the same coin.

I'm not being aggressive in any way, my comment is only to throw some light on Armin's character. I respect everybody's opinions at the end of the day and I'm not engaging in any wars.

#aruani #armin arlert #armin #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #armin character analysis

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magicxc · 2 months

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Movie Genres

Pairings: Survey Coprs - their fave movie genres

Word Count: 835

Warnings: netflix and chill? hulu subscription? binge watching disney?

A/N: I LOVE a good movie okay!! Put me in front of a juicy plot and I'm SAT. Here are the genres that I think the boys would enjoy most!! Tell me yours 🍿🎥🎬

Eren - Action/Thriller

Eren def strikes me as the type to enjoy loud movies that’s fast paced and chocked full of fighting scenes. Even though he has a special appreciation for the martial arts he can still get down with some good ole hand to hand combat. Anything that elicits excitement and anticipation does it for him.

Levi - Western Film

Walk with me here. I’ve seen Kenny reference and even dress cowboyish. I think he’d be all for the genre and considering his influence on Levi, it’s safe to say our short king would too. While the culture may be different from his own, it adds to his amusement all the more. Featuring cowboys, gunslingers, and bounty hunters it’d feel like a dramatisation of his old life underground; and while he no longer affiliates himself with that lifestyle, he does find the genre interesting.

Erwin - Historical Drama

Fight me. Erwin strikes me as boring lowkey lmfao. I genuinely believe he’s only watching things that stimulate his mind or shows that he can take away from. He doesn’t mind the messiness too much as long as the movie in question is thought provoking or at the very least holds some truth to it. And honestly, the Commander might be onto something here cause historical drama pieces fucking slap. Movies/series like The Crown, Apollo 13, Hotel Rwanda, etc is what he’s tuning into if he wants to watch tv.

Throwing in National Geographic or shows like The Most Extreme for when he wants some background noise.

Connie - Animation/Musical

Connie is such a vibe and while he is comedic relief he’s also super sweet. It's said that he’s basically a runner up to Armin on the emotional scale in regard to how deeply he feels. Our boy started out super naive and trusting and although it shaped him into someone a little more serious; he’s still that sweetie pie at heart. And so I believe animation is his thing and can bring a deep sense of nostalgia from time to time; allowing him a chance to cater to the child within. And the plots genuinely be plotting. That early 2000’s Disney and Pixar was un-fuck-witable. Musicals are just as fun for Connie btw, anything with a happy ending he’s down for.

Jean - Drama

Jean is literally so messy he can't help it. The call is coming from inside the house with this one. Even though Jean is a realist, he can also be an asshole with little regard to how what he says may affect Eren people. That doesn’t mean our boi is heartless, noooo, there has been lots of maturation over the seasons. But he LOVES a good conflict chile. Movies/series like RHOA, anything Tyler Perry, Moonlight, etc is his go to.

Onyankopon - Crime/Mystery

Similarly to Erwin, Onyankopon prefers films that are stimulating. He doesn’t mind indulging in the occasional reality show, but that's usually if he just so happens to be walking past his girl and a good scene comes on. Other than that, Ony is all for the suspense. He loves trying to stay one step ahead of the character but finds it's equally as fun to pick up some cool trivia along the way as movies like these tend to touch on a wide range of topics.

Reiner - Comedy

After almost losing his mind and his life, Reiner is cool on the movies that bring about intense emotions. He wants to laugh and not regularly either, but full on knee slapping laugh when he decides to indulge in a film. You know the kind where you have to beg your friend to stfu so you can catch your breath? The kind of laugh that feels like you just did a ab workout? That's what he wants. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t watch other genres, but they’re certainly not his first choice.

Armin - RomCom

It's self explanatory with this one. Our munchkin still views the world and its people with big doe eyes of hope, even against all odds. He is a little more realistic in his hopes but he’s still hopeful nonetheless. And he’s much the same when it comes to movies. He wants to see the film where the guy gets the girl, against all odds, and they kiss in the rain; and he’ll love it even better if you slide a joke or two in the mix.

Floch - Slasher

I genuinely feel like if Floch had a Tumblr, he’d be like one of the slasher girlies with their ghost face fics, only he’s posting ghost face thirst traps hahaha. He gets a thrill from the gore, the screams, the plot, and the kills. I think Floch is just all for the scare, even if he's on the receiving end of it. Anything to get his adrenaline pumping while keeping him on the edge of his seat will do. Thankfully though he’s able to separate fiction from reality and we can only hope he doesn’t get any cute ideas.

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novaae · 7 months

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What hurts me the most is that one day nobody will remember Zeke or Eren's face, even the people who loved them the most, solely because time keeps on going and it doesn't stop.

It would be less sad (like other characters), but the fact remains that everyone who loved them is always conflicted about their emotions.

Maybe Mikasa or Armin never forget how Eren looks, but one day when they're in their fifties, with new friends and a new life, it will hit them in the heart that they can't picture Eren at the same age at them. Would he have thinning hair? A mustache? Short hair? Long hair? Glasses?

The most controversial figure in AoT's history, and nobody remembers quite how he looked. Someday, people look back in horror at his age. Nineteen.

The person who brought the world to it's knees and it's an overgrown teenager.

And as for Reiner, Pieck, Annie and Falbi, I don't think any of them would look back at Zeke's memories very fondly (apart from maybe Pieck). He died knowing that nobody would miss him but I don't think that it would ever be recorded in history that he played such a large part in the ending of the Rumbling.

All they'll remember him for is trying to kill his own race and destroying almost the world in that process.

I didn't think the finale would hit me this hard since I've seen AoT as a finished work already, but jesus fucking christ.

#rei rambles #snk #aot #zeke yeager #eren jeager #p.#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #zeke jeager #eren jaeger

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angelsdevils · 4 days

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Dark Impulse vs. Light Impulse

Tag List: @reiners-milkbiddies

If you want to be added to the tag list Click HERE because my previous taglists vanished

M.List | Prologue | Chapter 1 |

You were walking down the street, just getting off of work. It has been exactly one week since you had that weird vision. You couldn’t figure out what the visions meant, and you didn’t have any more visions afterwards. It was dark and the street you had turned on had no street lamps. You were used to it, but it didn’t stop the eerie feeling that you got when walking alone. When you passed an alleyway, someone grabbed you. You let a surprise scream out, but your mouth was covered.

You struggled against your assailant but they were much stronger than you.

“Such a pretty young thing, aren’t you? I am gonna make you my woman,” his voice was deep. You felt disgusted by what he said, and struggled harder as he tried to kiss you. You didn’t notice another person until the guy holding you to the wall fell to the ground. You looked up to see your hero, and he looked really pissed off, yet oddly familiar. The look in his eyes scared you, as he targeted his anger towards the guy.

On a normal day, Shinichiro couldn’t fight to save his life, but today was an especially bad day for him. He continued to punch the guy in the face. You realized the familiar guy was going to end up killing your assailant if he wasn’t stopped. To stop the guy, you wrapped your arms around him in a back hug. Shinichiro was about to shake you off, but he heard your sob, and he snapped out of it. He never made girls cry, and no matter how dark his heart was turning, he was still a gentleman.

You slowly let him go when he turned around and you flinched as he raised his hand to wipe your tears.

That was when he realized that he scared you really badly. He frowned because he completely snapped, as he glanced back at the guy who harmed you.

“Hey, are you okay? Are you hurt?” He asked gently, as he got off of the guy, and helped you up. You shook your head allowing him to help you up. You quickly wiped your eyes, avoiding looking down at him.

“I-I am okay~ I was so scared. Thank you so much~” You whispered. He led you to his bike and gave you his helmet.

“Let me take you somewhere safe, it’s not safe out here by yourself. My name is Sano Shinichiro… What is your name?”

“(L/N) (Y/N), I don’t want to be more of a bother to you,” you whispered. Shinichiro’s eyes glanced over your body, and he realized you had some cuts and bruises on your neck, arms, and legs. Meaning that you did end up getting hurt.

“Let me at least take you back to my shop and bandage you up. So your cuts don’t get infected.” He insisted. You blinked several times before thinking about it. You knew it was dangerous, and he could easily hurt you. But he also saved you, you were conflicted about what to do.

“I won’t hurt you if that’s what you are scared of. I promise, I just want to help.”

You took a deep breath and nodded your head. He gave a soft smile before handing you his helmet.

“Here, wear this, safety first.”

You cautiously took the helmet and put it on your head. He got on his bike before helping you.

“Make sure to hold on tight, don’t want you to fall off…” He said before revving the engine. You squealed slightly before wrapping your arms around his waist. He started to drive back to his shop in silence. You attempted to bury your face into his back, but the helmet was in the way. Shinichiro felt a small smile grace his lips as he felt your arms tighten.

Once the two of you arrived, he parked his bike before helping you off. You removed the helmet and he set it down before helping you fix your hair. This was the first time he had a good look at you and he felt a blush cover your cheeks.

“Oh wow you are beautiful,” he mumbled and your face heated up. He realized what he said and quickly waved his hands in front of him, “I am not trying to be weird, I promise.”

“It’s okay, thank you. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever told me.”

He blinked several times and even though he was going to say something else, he decided to save himself the embarrassment.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he led you into his bike shop and sat you on a stool. He went to get the first aid kit before coming back to clean your wounds. You both were quiet, and you occasionally flinched. He would apologize before the both of you went back to being quiet.

You hadn’t known him for a long time, but you could tell something was bothering him. When he finished you gently took his hand and he looked at you confused.

“I feel like you need to hear this, but everything will be okay.”

He looked at you confused but gave you a small smile nodding.

“And, thanks again for fixing my wounds and saving me. I owe you~”

“It’s no problem really…”

“Let me take you out to dinner.”

“No way, I couldn’t let you do that…”

“Okay, fine let me cook you dinner.”

“… alright…”

© [@angelsdevils] all rights reserved. none of my posts or stories should be modified, reposted, etc. I do not own the character or the fanart, but I own the plots of these stories. All fanart goes to their appropriate owners.

#tokyo revengers #tr #fluff #tokyo rev #sano shinichiro #fanfiction #dark impulse vs. light impulse

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daisynik7 · 11 months

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Can I request fem!reader heading with her comrades to Marley after receiving Eren’s letters and when she got there, her and Reiner finally met after 3 years. When Porco was facing against reader and was about to attack her and when reader was about to attack back, Reiner stopped him immediately to protect her and when he saw reader, he was surprised to see her and to see how beautiful she is still.

Thanks!!! :))))

cw: angst, heavy content (mentions of death, war, killing, etc.), mostly canon-compliant (I hope haha)

Author’s Note: Sorry this took FOREVER to get out, I took a break for working on requests, so thank you for your patience! I had a lot of fun with this one, it’s such an interesting prompt, so thanks so much for requesting this! I hope you like it! I left it open-ended, so the rest is up to your imagination. 😉

You and Reiner met in the Cadet Corps, part of the same graduating class. He helped you adjust to your ODM gear when you were having difficulty finding balance. Offered to spend extra time after dismissal just to catch up to the rest of your peers. His confident demeanor and encouraging attitude immediately drew you to him. When he was ranked second in your division, your admiration for him only grew stronger. And from there, it was inevitable: you feel in love with him.

It took you a while to realize it; you were hesitant to admit it because you weren’t sure he held the same feelings for you. In fact, you were certain he didn’t. He made it obvious how attracted he was to the adorable Christa Lenz, constantly fawning about her angelic expression and shiny, blonde hair. But at the end of the day, it was you he confided in about his inner turmoil, not her. He trusted you.

He couldn’t explain to you exactly why he was struggling. All you knew is that he was conflicted, battling different sides of himself to a point where he wasn’t sure what he truly wanted to do. He found solace in your soothing words, assuring him that everything will be okay, even when you weren’t sure yourself. But how bad could it be? All of you were born to this same world, forced to bear the burden of Titans destroying homes, ruining lives. What kind of strife was Reiner experiencing that differed from yours?

It was the year 850 when the truth was revealed. It was also the last time you saw Reiner in his human form, the one you grew to love with every fiber of your being.

You were gathered with the other Scouts, who seemed to be suspicious of Reiner and Bertolt all day. In a literal flash and a bang, electricity striking inches away, you were swept, hanging onto to one another for dear life. Suddenly, the Colossal and Armored Titans appeared, in the exact spot where Bertolt and Reiner were standing.

It couldn’t be. There’s no way.

It took you days, maybe even weeks, to come to terms with it. The person you trusted the most was your sworn enemy this whole time. Lying to you day after day, pretending to be your friend. Just like that, he was traitor.

Still, years later, as you prepare for this fateful mission to retrieve Eren Jaeger from Marley, you haven’t forgotten about Reiner Braun. It’s only recently he’s resurfaced in your memories. Maybe because there’s a chance you’ll reunite with him on this visit to his homeland. A home that has you and all your other friends pegged as devils, sworn to eliminate your island. How can you feel anything but hatred for the man that tricked you into thinking he was the same as you? You fight with yourself to suppress the precious memories you share together. Late night talks, laying side-by-side in bed. His arm brushing yours, you cherishing the warm feeling like an ember on a cold night. Being with him made you feel safe. What would it make you feel now?

The attack on Marley happens on a chilly night. It’s nothing short of chaotic, many of your comrades shot down by the advanced weapons of their army. It’s only a miracle that you manage to survive with just a few scrapes. That is, until you’re faced with the Jaw Titan.

All nineteen years of your life flashes before your eyes like a movie playing in fast forward. You were always prepared to die in the mouth of a Titan. You were surrounded by it growing up, then sworn to fight against it when you joined the Scouts. You’re willing to sacrifice yourself if it means it’s for the greater good of humanity. Your ODM gear is out of gas, and you’ve exhausted every weapon in your arsenal. In the quick seconds before you’re chomped by the terrifying giant, you make peace with your fate. And for some reason, it’s Reiner’s voice that echoes in your mind, amidst the sound of destruction.

When you open your eyes, waiting for death, you realize the voice is not a figment of your imagination. Worst of all, the image you see before you is very much real. The Armored Titan is kneeling before you, shielding you from the Jaw, who trashes at his back. Eventually, he retreats, growing tired of it, leaving you with Reiner in this form. You hear the distinct sounds of air compressing; he’s removing himself from the nape, eyes stained with the undeniable red streaks. The first thing he yells out is your name, and it’s like a stab in the chest. It’s the same way he’s said it all those years ago. And in this moment, with pandemonium surrounding you, it’s as if you’re in a bubble with him, guarded from the madness of this useless war. You and him, together at last.

He stares at you with tired eyes, face covered in stubble that ages him. He’s grown quite a bit, but you can tell from the gaunt demeanor that’s he’s lost weight. Have the expectations of war affected him this much? He repeats your name again, then says, “You’re here,” grasping your hand between his. You try to recoil from him, but you don’t, relishing the way he holds you. It’s what you always wanted, but not like this. Still, it lights a fire in you that you can’t ignore.

Before you know it, he’s leading you somewhere, maneuvering through the rubble expertly, until you’re hidden away in some bunker, far enough that the chaos is subdued in the background. It’s only now that you’re truly alone with him that you come to your senses. You flinch, shoving him away, guarding yourself. “Get away from me!”

“You have every right to be mad,” he says, backing off.

“Mad? Mad?! You’ve been trying to kill us this whole time! You’re a traitor.”

He points to the walls, yelling, “I protected you out there! Porco was going to kill you and I begged him not to!”

“Why? You should have just let me die. That’s the whole point, right? We’re devils, we don’t deserve to live.” You voice trembles with anger, body quivering with adrenaline.

“I couldn’t stand there and watch you die.”

“You’re suddenly feeling remorseful? After already taking so many lives? Do you want me to thank you?”

He steps towards you, intensity in his expression. “You think I like being this way? I was raised to be a warrior. This is the only thing I know how to do.”

You shove past him, heading to the doorway. “I can’t believe I even let you drag me all the way out there! I’d rather die in the battlefield than talk to you!”

He grabs your wrist, keeping you in place. “You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t tell me what I don’t mean. We’re enemies, Reiner.” You don’t pull away from him. His fingers are warm around you.

“You think it’s that easy? After everything we’ve been though?”

“It’s fact.”

“I hate myself for betraying you, but I had no other choice. Just like you had no other choice but to come here and destroy my home.”

“So, what? Are you asking for a peace treaty? Sorry, but we both know that you nor I have enough power to establish that.”

He leans closer, squeezing your hand between his. “I’m asking you to forgive me. For lying to you, for hurting you. For betraying you.”

You glare at him, determined to keep up this act. Deep down, you’re desperate for more of his touch. Because in this fleeting moment, with gunfire and explosions blasting in the distance, his it’s all you need to feel safe. “What makes you think that I’ll forgive you?”

“I don’t expect it, but it’s worth a shot. Especially with the end of the world coming.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Paradis is trying to stop the war. All we want is peace on our island.”

“There will never be peace in this messed up world. That’s the truth. And since this is probably the last you’ll see of me, I’m going to continue being honest. You’re beautiful. More beautiful than I ever imagined you’d be after all these years.”

It catches you off guard, enough to relax the tension in your brows to stare at him, dumfounded.

He continues. “I think about you constantly. I always wonder what could have been. Maybe if I made my own decisions back then, our lives would be different.”

“Who’s to say I would have accepted?”

“Come on. I knew you were in love with me. It was obvious.”

Heat rushes into your cheeks, embarrassed like the teenaged girl you were all those years ago. “You knew?”

“Of course I did.” He smirks at you, instantly returning the boyish youth to his face.

Your resolve is cracking under his charm; you gravitate towards him. Cupping his cheek, running your fingers through his scraggly beard. “What happened to you, Reiner? How did it turn out this way?”

He surrounds your hand with his, leaning into your touch. “Stay with me a while, and I can tell you all about it.”

#reiner x reader #reiner braun #reiner x y/n #reiner x you #reiner x f!reader #reiner x fem reader #aot fanfic #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun fanfic #attack on titan fanfic #reiner request #requests #snk reiner #reiner imagine

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fromriches-tosin · 16 days

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hiiiii i rmbr u saying jean and eren dont really interacted in s4 to focus his interactions elsewhere. it got me thinking, all of his exhaustive interactions in s4 are with people outside of 104th squad levi. and i think its cool that he is the link of that circle with the outsiders. (he did interacted with mikasa, armin, connie, levi but it doesnt add much to him development wise) whereas his interactions with onyankopon, niccolo, magath, yelena, gabi, floch, hanji, reiner somehow shows us his conflict, rejection, acceptance, growth. u already shared your meta on his and reiner's relationship in s4. so im curious on your opinion on his relationship with hanji, floch and gabi since those are the next notable relationships he has in the later part of the story.

Hi!

Hange is someone Jean admires. Some time ago I read a post about the MOBILIZATION of Jean at the end of S3. The pun was so genius, it made me squeal. Jean takes Moblit’s place (to some extent); he probably wants to make up for the fact that he manipulated Hange in order to save Reiner’s life in Shiganshina. He surely feels bad because Hange lost their entire squad. He surely feels grateful that Hange didn’t accuse him of treason. But, on the other hand, Hange must see Jean’s potential. They must trust him. It’s not his first time working closely with a commander, after all.

During the timeskip, Hange must have been the one to promote Jean to a commanding officer. I also think their strong reaction to Jean’s doubts as to whether they should try to stop Eren is caused by the fact that Hange knows Jean really well. They know what kind of person he is and they are greatly disappointed with his behavior. I love how fast they’re able to get Jean back on track. And I love their little conversation from the AOT After Party event; Hange consoles Jean at the campfire and tells him about the importance of change. I know Jean’s heartbreak after Hange’s death speaks more than a thousand words, but they really were family.

If Hange is an angel on Jean’s shoulder, Floch is a little devil.

Jean sees some part of himself in Floch. They both presented themselves as self-absorbed cowards at first, they both went through traumatic events that changed their lives, they both looked death in the eyes, but they ended up choosing different paths. I have an impression Jean recognizes how similar they are, almost in a “what if” kind of way. What if Jean had joined the MPs? What if he didn’t listen to Hange? Jean’s distraught by Floch’s death because Floch dies thinking he’s doing the right thing: protecting his homeland, avenging the fallen ones, dooming their enemies. Thinking he’s a good guy. If Jean could save him, he most certainly would, just like he saved Reiner.

As for Floch, I think he’s a little obsessed with Jean. Jean is the only (original) Scout he’s close to, he’s the only one he wants to talk to and he’s almost desperate for them to remain on the same side. It’s a “if I can get Jean, I can get them all” kind of approach.

Jean’s relationship with Gabi is… sweet. It doesn’t start this way, obviously, because she kills Sasha and Jean instantly tries to kill her. It’s only when his bullet ricochets and almost hits him that he realizes what he almost did – killed a child in cold blood. An assassin, but nevertheless a child. It’s a vicious circle. Killing Gabi won’t bring Sasha back. It won’t stop the war. Jean knows he’s directing his anger at the wrong person. A child soldier. So, he mellows out.

Gabi, on the other hand, grows to respect him with time. I think she’s already a little impressed with his calm behavior on the airship, but only truly starts to value him when they meet the night of the campfire. Jean is adorably gentle with Gabi, all things considered. The fact he apologizes for kicking her by accident, the fact he’s looking out for her when Reiner is not around… Gabi is surely grateful to him for knocking some sense into Reiner, too. She knows Jean is a good influence on her cousin.

#thanks for the ask ✨#veecanons

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levmada · 3 months

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WAIT

it’s so so so so sweet when eren actually conquers the odm gear training, reiner, bert, and armin all automatically assume eren is being arrogant or filled with pride.

but eren is thinking (happily) of how mikasa won’t have to worry about him anymore.

and mikasa corrects armin

i love how mikasa is the only one who understands eren… it’s the same as levi and erwin except for their conflict. their “miscommunication” concerning freedom vs devotion, and what is love, which is the main theme of aot.

from eren’s perspective what he has done is give mikasa freedom, but from her perspective, he’s just given her the EXACT thing she’s wanted up to now, which is actually security - the comfort of knowing he’s capable of surviving.

#i honestly think eren was so deep in denial about his feelings for mikasa that he forgor he had feelings for her #around the time he became obsessed with titans #imo #eremika #aot #eren x mikasa

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annalyticall · 9 months

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Thoughts on Attack on Titan

Me being 10 years late to things, I was recently convinced to watch Attack on Titan and I ended up binge-watching the entire anime (and reading the final manga chapters) these last two weeks. I had purposefully been dragging my feet about watching this show since I had heard so much controversy surrounding it; that it was sexist, pro-fascist, pro-nazi, pro-imperialist, pro-propaganda, and heavily anti-Semitic. All pretty good reasons to stay away from something, I think.

But then I saw a video about how the criticisms leveraged against it were not quite so black-and-white, and how the show was more complex than those labels gave it credit for. Admittedly, that piqued my interest. I want to come to my own conclusions about the media I consume, so I decided to watch it with an open mind and a discerning eye.

And boy did I discern... a lot.

I am recording my very very lengthy opinions about Attack on Titan and its manga ending under the cut, mostly so that if anyone asks how I feel about certain things portrayed in the show, I can reference them to this post. Here's a quick table of contents:

The Themes

The Good

The Bad

The Problems

The Characters

Conclusion (and why Jean is the best character you can't change my mind)

Anime and Manga spoilers ahead.

The Themes

Attack on Titan tackles a lot of different themes throughout the course of the story. Possibly too many. Right now, I'm listing the big ones I noticed here because I will be referencing back to them later. Also note I am stating these themes as they are presented in the text, not as my own personal beliefs.

The human desire to create meaning in life and death. Does dying for a cause give life meaning? If the cause is hopeless, would dying for that cause be in vain? Is it enough to know that the living will continue your legacy after death? Does honoring the dead give their life meaning? Is the gift of life itself meaningless if not used to ensure humanity's ongoing survival? Is it enough to simply exist? Characters that most embody this theme: Zeke, Eren, Armin, Jean, Levi, Hange, Erwin, Historia, Ymir (of the Cadets), Marlow.

Everyone is shackled to a dream. Does the desire to fulfill a dream make you a slave to it? Will devoting your life to a dream of freedom make you paradoxically a slave to the very ideal? Will the hope of achieving a dream drive people to do terrible things they never would have otherwise? Is true freedom in the ability to let go of a long-held dream? Characters that most embody this theme: Erwin, Eren, Levi, Kenny, Armin, Jean.

The corrupting power of love and loyalty. Similar to an enslaving dream, will blind devotion to someone (in a romantic, platonic, subordinate, or familial relationship) drive that person to do terrible things just to be with them or make them happy? How far can that love go? Is blind devotion even love? Is it wise to love if it creates fatal weakness? Characters that most embody this theme: Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Zeke, Annie, Reiner, Falco, Historia, Ymir (of the Cadets), Ymir (The Founder).

The cycle of violence is endless. As long as more than one person is alive on Earth, there will always be conflict. Is it worth fighting to break the cycle when the cycle is inevitable? Is it necessary to perpetuate the cycle in order to survive in a world that forces violence? Is humanity worthy of saving if saving it demands the loss of one's own humanity? Characters that most embody this theme: Erwin, Eren, Armin, Reiner, Jean, Floch, Hange, Levi.

The pursuit of truth and wonder are the driving forces behind humanity's ability to work together. Propaganda and the obstruction of truth might work to pacify the populace short-term but will always be defeated once people put in the effort to truly understand others and the world they live in. The promise of discovery and truth are invaluable sources of hope and ingenuity. Characters that most embody this theme: Hange, Armin, Erwin.

People are people. Everyone is capable of great evil or great kindness, regardless of what nation, class, or race they were born into. Everyone has strengths and everyone has weaknesses. Everyone is influenced by their own hopes and dreams. The recognition of these innate similarities is crucial for forgiveness and acceptance across boundaries. Characters that most embody this theme: Reiner, Jean, Eren, Armin, Sasha, Gabi, Falco.

There is no accurate measure of good and evil. Being a "good person" is subjective, based more on personal goals and cultural ideals than on a base standard for "good." When faced with a difficult decision, perhaps it is best to choose whatever option will cause the least regret, a measure that is unique to everyone depending on an individual's values and on unknown outcomes. Live a life you can be proud of. Characters that most embody this theme: Armin, Annie, Levi, Jean, Eren, Reiner, Gabi, Ymir (of the Cadets), Historia

As you might have noticed, I chose to summarize many of these themes in a list of questions, and for good reason: oftentimes, the theme is raising a question but is almost never interested in giving it a straightforward answer. Instead, AOT will often raise a question, and over the course of the story, you get to come to your own conclusions depending on how the characters act. For example, I listed Jean as a character that embodies "meaning in life and death." Does Jean give Marco's death meaning by honoring his memory and values each time he's faced with a moral dilemma? That's up for the audience (and Jean) to decide.

Compared to other shonen that tackles similar themes and questions, this freedom of interpretation was novel for me, and for the most part, I loved it. Fullmetal Alchemist is the only other shonen I can think of that I've seen that touches on similar subject matter, but the tone of FMA is not nearly as dark, bleak, or ambiguous. While I also love FMA, the world of AOT is much more harrowing to navigate, and I found it exhilarating to have my preconceptions of its world challenged at every turn. Such a thematic approach felt grounded since real life is also not so easy to navigate. Unfortunately, this also has a glaring downside, which I will discuss in my "The Problems" section.

The Good

The first 3 seasons and almost everything that entails. To be quite honest I have very little to criticize about this show before the basement reveal. The pacing is almost perfect and I was always on the edge of my seat wanting to know more. The mysteries are intriguing and, upon slowly getting more and more answers, the narrative either only raised more tantalizing questions or completely recontextualized previous scenes, constantly giving the show new breath. The action is exciting, the stakes are heart-poundingly high, the losses are devastating, and the gore is graphic and stomach-churning but I think it necessary to absorb the horrifying and hopeless nature of the setting, which serves to heighten the few victories the characters actually do get to experience. There also isn't much of The Problems yet in these seasons.

The music. The soundtrack is undoubtedly one of the best aspects of this show and is quality throughout.

Animation. While I prefer the fluid and expressive animation of the first three seasons compared to MAPPA's comparatively stiffer animation of the final season, MAPPA still gave plenty of jaw-dropping sequences for the most impactful moments.

A tragic, queer, CANON romance. The fact that Ymir is canonically lesbian is amazing to me if only because I haven't watched a shonen yet where one of the main cast is actually lesbian, let alone has a significant portion of screen time devoted to establishing her unambiguous feelings for another woman who also reciprocates her feelings. AND THEN their romance ends tragically in-universe not because it's gay but because of narrative circumstances that were simply beyond their control or understanding. "My only regret is not marrying you." How romantic is that?

Female character design. Specifically all the big noses. As a big-nose-haver it makes me happy to see women have big noses and still being seen as pretty. That, paired with the fact that women are hardly ever sexualized and are often portrayed just as strong if not stronger than the men was nice to see after being exposed to so many infantilizing and sexualizing shonen tropes. That said, there could have been more diversity in body shape and skin tone.

The setting (of Paradis). I am going to stress here that I strictly like the world-building of Paradis, which is the main setting of the first three seasons. Marley and the rest of the world after Season 3? I'll get into that later.

Erwin vs. Armin. I consider Levi's decision to save Armin over Erwin to be the true thematic climax of this story, and I thought it was exceptionally well done. I've seen endless arguments about whether or not saving Armin was the right choice, so I'll throw in my two cents: if you think Levi should have saved Erwin, you are Missing The Point. In this moment, Levi, a character who fights for the greater good but is not quite as pragmatic as Erwin and who has a deep hope for humanity's future but is not quite as idealistic as Armin must make an emotional choice here, not a tactical one. Maybe saving Erwin might have been better for the Scouts, but the truth is Erwin was selfish, and Levi had already come to terms with this when he told his old commander to "give up on your dream and charge to your death." Armin, on the other hand, had a pure and selfless dream about the world outside the walls, and that is what Levi decided to value for humanity's future. That is the symbolic meaning of that decision, not whether or not Erwin would have been a tactically better commander.

It is enough to simply exist. Manga spoilers for the final chapters ahead. I said this was a question raised by one of the main themes of the story, "Is it enough to simply exist?", and I was pleasantly surprised that the ending gave it an answer through the conversation Armin has with Zeke. After so much deliberation about genocide, sterilization, war, the inherent and unbreakable cycle of violence, and so many other depressing themes surrounding the depraved nature of humanity, having the main takeaway for the series be "we were put on this Earth simply to enjoy it and to enjoy each other" was a cathartic release. I know I'm probably going to cry when that bit is animated.

The Bad

The frustrating thing that is Eren Yeager. I suppose this is biased but I really do not gel with Eren. Even in his Season 1-3 era I did not like him and his one-track angry boy mind, only ever finding him tolerable during the Uprising arc when he got a healthy dose of humility which he immediately ruined with his pitiful self-flagellation in the midst of a dire titan battle but I digress. This characterization does make a whole lot more sense though when he enters Season 4, when all of his personality traits are only slightly twisted in order to make him the villain, ala Walter White. Didn't make him any less frustrating.

The frustrating thing that is Mikasa Ackerman. She started out great. Then Eren turned into a titan for the first time and things quickly went downhill. After that, it seems like her character was retroactively changed from being the stoic and protective older sister to being the blindingly devoted and fussy love interest. I might have been okay with it if she had ANY other defining character traits, or hell, even any relationships outside of Eren and Armin. Manga spoilers, but she doesn't even have a strong relationship with Jean, who she apparently marries in the epilogue. Between Eren and Mikasa being two of the three main characters, I unfortunately felt very little towards them which was a not-so-small problem in my enjoyment of the series.

The humor is... fine. I get it, a show as dark as Attack on Titan probably shouldn't try to be funny, nor would I expect it to be. Still, the few attempts at humor it did have fell flat for me, especially when a lot of it leaned on Sasha's potato and meat gags (and a really uncomfortable torture gag after the Uprising Arc? Hey, what was that about? That was kinda fucked up, right?) Now that I think about it, the hardest I ever laughed while watching this show was when Reiner nonchalantly tells Eren that he and Bertolt are the Armor and Colossal Titans simply because I wasn't expecting the biggest bombshell reveal of the story thus far to be so casually dropped like that.

The Titan mechanics got so fucking convoluted. Don't get me wrong I love a good mystery and I don't necessarily mind the supernatural time-warping twists that the Titan storyline took up to a point. It's just that the story kept adding so many conditions to Titan powers and lore that it was getting hard to keep track of it all. Okay, so the Colossal Titan will create an unavoidable nuke during transformation even though it clearly didn't do that at the raid on Trost, sure. Okay, so Reiner can survive a fatal injury to his person as long as he manages to transfer his consciousness to the Titan body first, sure. Okay, so Eren can't awaken the Founding Titan's ability unless he's in contact with someone of royal blood, sure. Okay, so the Founding Titan's abilities can alter the biology of all Eldians, and also control all Titans, and also deactivate all Titan hardening, and also impose the will of the king onto all its future royal successors, but it's somehow NOT the Titan with the power to see the future? Sure? Okay, so Falco inherited the Jaw Titan, but because he was originally turned with Zeke's spinal fluid, he ALSO inherited aspects of the Beast Titan even though Zeke is still the Beast Titan and it's never been established that the spinal fluid used for the original Titan transformation affected the inheritance of Titan shifter abilities? Why not, at this point.

Uprising Arc and its overly simplistic military coup. I didn't dislike the arc as a whole, but it was a very lengthy detour from the main objectives the series was already on track for and added to the repetition of Eren getting kidnapped. Additionally, I thought the coup to overthrow the old government was too... easy? It was really only made up of two setups: one to expose the corruption of some random military police guy to the press and turn public opinion in favor of the Scouts, and one to expose the government's selfishness to the military commanders enough to convince them to depose their current leaders and pardon the Scouts. Then the Scouts essentially say "Hey Historia here just killed a Titan and has royal blood (trust us) so she's going to be the queen now. Please ignore the fact she is also a Scout and therefore could easily be a puppet queen for the military branch that was until very recently public enemy number one" and everyone just kinda accepts this. I don't know, it didn't do much to sell me on realism in a world that had done so up until that point.

Wow, the stakes are getting pretty high, I wonder if... WAIT, 80%?! That was kind of my reaction to the whole manga finale. I don't mind high stakes, but when we're talking about the horrific genocide of 80% of humanity at the hands of our main character, uh, that scale is a little hard to grasp. This also feeds into The Problems, which I'll get into later, but all in all, I think after a certain point the story just got too big for me to stay believably invested in what was actually happening.

Endgame plot thread irrelevance (especially for the female characters). Why did Historia get a whole story arc just to be sidelined and pregnant for the whole rest of the story? What happened to Yelena? What happened to Mikasa's relationship with the Azumabito clan? What's the deal with Ymir? So many things were rushed at the end that it was disappointing to see so much setup for very little payoff. Unfortunately, the female characters seemed to get the brunt of this.

The Problems

Okay, so this section is basically why I made this post to begin with. I want to address all of the criticisms I've seen for Attack on Titan and give my honest opinion on them because, yes, I do think it's more complex than I've seen people give it credit for, but neither is it free of harmful interpretations either.

On the topic of being Pro-Imperialist, Pro-Nazi, Pro-Facsist, and Pro-Propaganda: Attack on Titan is positioned against all these things. Just because a media depicts something doesn't mean it's condoning or endorsing it. Imperialism, fascism, and propaganda are all present in the story but are very often forces that the main characters must fight against. It might not go as far as to say "military bad" but it definitely says "war bad, genocide bad, euthanasia bad, blind devotion to one's country bad" and a whole host of other issues that it does not depict in a favorable light. Now, the viewpoints of the mangaka might be in question, and I can't say much about the way he supposedly views Imperialist Japan. I'm just saying, in the context of the show, I don't see an unquestioning approval of imperialism being portrayed here.

On the topic of Sexism: eh, maybe. It feels weird to be so nonchalant about that but to be honest, it's not prevalent enough to stand out compared to other shonen. Female characters might not always see fully fleshed-out arcs, but neither are they handled in a way I would deem sexist other than the very strange exception of Mikasa's one-sided obsession with Eren somehow mirroring the "love" a child bride sex slave had for her abuser 2000 years ago. That said, strong characters like Annie, Ymir (of the Cadets), and Gabi manage to have fairly compelling motivations and growth while also being love interests. There's really no fan service to speak of, and some of them even get to be gay. So, you know, I'll take it.

On the topic of Anti-Semitism (Disclaimer: I am not Jewish): yeahhhhhhh... so, up until the end of Season 3, I was confused about this claim. I mean, there were Titans, mindless man-eating monsters that could resemble the blood libel spread about Jewish people, but I thought it was a bit of a stretch. Besides, while the walled city is evidently based on 19th-century Germany, there isn't really a divide between the people who live there and the people who can turn into Titans; given the right conditions, any human character in the show could potentially turn into a Titan, so I didn't see the problem. If anything, I thought it was just a modified take on the zombie apocalypse genre.

Then the basement reveal happened, where it's revealed the walled city we had been following the last 3 seasons wasn't actually the last bastion of humanity as both the audience and the cast once believed; it is actually an island where distinct people called Eldians fled to escape the persecution they faced for their unique ability to turn into Titans. Turns out the rest of the world is populated by many diverse cultures who all hate the Eldians for their ancient Titan-enabled crimes against humanity. The Eldians who aren't trapped on the island of Paradis live in the gated ghettos of the Nazi-Germany-coded nation of Marley and are forced to wear star-embroidered armbands to denote their subhuman status.

Okay. Yikes, I thought. But I still gave it a chance, because as I mentioned before, just because something is depicted in media doesn't mean it's being supported or condoned. I was hoping that, at some point, the claim that Eldians committed atrocities with the Titans or the claim that only Eldians can turn into Titans would be proven wrong. Neither of these hopes came to fruition. It's revealed that Eldians did a lot of good with their Titan powers, true, but they also waged endless warfare in the name of a King that enslaved them. So, while they weren't really to blame, they certainly did commit the crimes that earned the world's ire.

This is a problem. If the imagery of the armbands and the WW2 ghettos were never involved, perhaps I could give the story the benefit of the doubt and see the Eldians as a fictional race created for the purpose of illustrating the cycle of violence and the need to relate to each other as humans first. But the problem is, they are very explicitly compared to Jewish people, thus insinuating, whether intentionally or not, that Jewish people do have these monstrous qualities and did commit crimes that earned them the oppression they continue to face when in reality, they did nothing to deserve it.

As an additional "yikes," there's also the questionable existence of the Tyber family, the only Eldian family in Marley allowed to have wealth and political influence. It's revealed that the Tybers have essentially been pulling Marley's strings the whole time, which... wow, really doesn't do much for anti-Semitic conspiracy theories that Jewish people are actually in control of everything, huh. Thankfully, the Tyber storyline is short-lived, but then there's the Yeagerists, a fascist Eldian party that wants to counter-genocide the entire world before it can genocide Eldians. Triple yikes. Let's throw in Zeke's plan for forced sterilization against his own people for a solid quadruple yikes.

However, there are also important distinctions to make between Eldians and Jewish people that are in the story's favor. While the Eldian people of Marley are mistreated and considered subhuman, Marley still puts in the effort to brainwash them into thinking they are the "good" Eldians in order to earn their unconditional loyalty and turn them into frontline soldiers in their war to conquer other nations and the island of Paradis, something that doesn't really mirror Nazi Germany and gives us a reason to sympathize with the Eldians who were once the "bad guys" of Season 1-3. There's also the fact that 95% of the show's main cast IS Eldian, and up until the basement reveal we've only known them as human. Everything until that point has essentially served to make us identify with Eldians more than anyone else. While the rest of the world may dehumanize them, we the audience react negatively to any mention of them being less than human because we've only ever seen them fight to survive in a world where they thought they were humanity's last hope. We want to see them make it out of this alive.

And here's where my internal conflict with the show lies; it would be so much better if it cut out the WW2 imagery. Sure, there would still be plenty of subtext that could lead people to compare Eldians to Jewish people, but it wouldn't be so distractingly obvious and spur additional real-world comparisons where there aren't any. The sudden jump to 20th-century Germany is also somewhat jarring and I wouldn't have minded if Marley was based more on just another nation of the same era rather than a 100-year jump forward of the same setting (though it does make in-universe sense, what with Paradis being 100 years behind technologically but I digress). Basically, I think a LOT of the story's problems with probably-unintentional-but-still-present anti-semitism could have been avoided if the war and race allegories weren't given the same tact and grace as a David Cage game.

But now that brings me to what I think is Attack on Titan's fatal flaw: thematic ambiguity. "But Anna," you may say, "you said the freedom of interpretation is what you loved about its themes." You're right, I did say that. I still do. But ambiguity is a double-edged sword: it gives the audience freedom to derive unique meaning from the text and connect with it in deep, personal ways, but on the other hand, if a theme is too ambiguous, the author runs the risk of either telling a meaningless story or telling a story that conveys an unintended meaning. I think an author must have SOME intention with a theme if it is to be included, and must provide some sort of guide (usually with a character or two) to point the audience in the right direction. I'll give an example of what I mean for both instances in Attack on Titan.

For an example of a well-executed ambiguous theme, I'll turn to the question "Is humanity worthy of saving if saving it demands the loss of one's own humanity?" that I listed under the "cycle of violence" umbrella. Specifically, this question is raised after the Battle of Stonhess, where Erwin allows a Titan battle to rage in the middle of a populated area for the slim chance he could capture Annie alive and extract information from her. This decision cost hundreds of innocent lives, and worse of all, Annie was of little use to him. Erwin stands behind his decision for the greater good and Armin rationalizes the battle as a net gain, but Jean presents Armin with a counterargument: "If it's that easy to let the fight turn us all into monsters, maybe we don't deserve to win." Still, we aren't given an outright answer to who's right and who's wrong here. Instead, the guide we are given is in the way ideologically-opposed characters like Erwin and Jean are treated by the story: Jean maintains his humanity, minimizes civilian casualties whenever possible, and in the end, is left with few regrets. Erwin, on the other hand, feels the weight of all the lives he callously sacrificed in the name of a "greater good," which we learn was perhaps more selfish than he let on. Upon resigning himself to death, he laments all the innocents who died at his command. It is through these characters that we learn who, ultimately, was in the right, and what that theme is trying to tell us (also coincidentally applying to the theme "live a life you can be proud of.")

For an example of a poorly-executed ambiguous theme, I'll turn to the question "Is it necessary to perpetuate the cycle of violence in order to survive in a world that forces violence?" that I also listed under the "cycle of violence" umbrella. This question is perhaps no more apparent than when the main characters are faced with the terrific power of the Rumbling, basically a Titan-powered WMD Eren uses to preemptively wipe out humanity before it can inevitably attack Paradis. While many characters deliberate the ethics of this, there are two characters who have starkly different viewpoints: we have Floch, a Yeagerist who is in full-hearted support of the attack and is uninterested in saving human lives if they are not Paradis Eldians, and we have Hange, who despite being a Paradis Eldian beats an impassioned fist against a table and delivers the rather on-the-nose line "Genocide is wrong!"

So who's right? Well, anyone with any sort of media literary sense will say "Hange, obviously." Because Hange is portrayed as a good person (usually) and Floch is portrayed as a villain (usually). The problem is both these characters fight valiantly in the name of their cause and incidentally die in the same scene while imparting their wishes to the heroes for how they want the world to be. Anyone watching who harbors even a fraction of Floch's nationalism might see that and say, "Floch was in the right. He righteously died for his country and he almost won against an impossible enemy." There's also the problem that Hange does not give an alternative answer to the Rumbling and even admits they don't have one, they just know the Rumbling is wrong, which doesn't do anything to add to the theme in question. Unfortunately, the Rumbling is presented as the only reliable line of self-defense for Paradis, as it's already established that diplomacy has almost no chance of working and that the only other plan is, of all things, sterilizing the Eldian people to appease the world that wants them dead with as little bloodshed as possible. What would have been the only other recourse, the order of a partial Rumbling to wipe out the world's military bases, is immediately taken off the table when it's revealed Eren never had any intention of doing that. Therefore, the story doesn't give us any answer to this question at all, since the characters never get to find an alternate solution for themselves and are forced to simply stop the Rumbling before it can kill too many people despite the risk of dying in the process or play along with Eren's predetermined plan. For a story so bent on saying "genocide is wrong" it does a weirdly good job of presenting it as a survival tactic.

Now, I wouldn't normally have that much of a problem if a story fumbled a theme or two. Not everything has to land perfectly. That said, Attack on Titan NEEDED to deliver these themes clearer than it did, because of one major reason: it was dealing with questions involving fascism, genocide, war, and eugenics. You should not casually raise these issues as a backdrop to a theme that can't be delivered on, because then you run the risk of attracting people who very much are pro-fascist, pro-genocide, pro-war, and pro-eugenics and will blatantly misinterpret everything in the text in order to warp it and fit their worldview (a risk I think FMA managed to avoid by being very blunt with where it stood on those same issues). On the flip side, you'll also repel people who otherwise might have loved the story because at some point they heard someone say "Oh yeah Attack on Titan is awesome, the Yeagerists are cool and I agree with the main character's plan for genocide," and rightfully be put off from that. Then they'll turn around and tell the next person, "Hey, don't watch that, I heard it's pro-fascist and pro-genocide," and that person will go "Oh thanks I didn't know that, I'll stay away from it," and that person will be me for the last ten years.

The Characters

Eren and Mikasa: I'm lumping these two together because I already talked about them at length, but I will say, for being the two main characters on which the finale hinged, I think they were both too simplistic to fully deliver on any of the complex themes they represented. Hell, when listing all the themes each character embodied, I only listed Mikasa under one of them, which is not great for a deuteragonist. Not only that, but Mikasa didn't even really deliver on her one theme: she broke the Titan curse by "letting go of her enslaving love for Eren," but did she really? She kissed and then absconded with his decapitated head to give him a proper burial, then returned each year to his grave with Jean and her family (who remained faceless) to leave a flower behind for him. I get it, he was important to her as a childhood friend and that alone means she should try to remember him despite the monster he turned into, but the framing of this suggests she never really let go of him and was shackled to his memory even as she tried to move on.

Armin: The thing about Armin is that while I ultimately think he's the heart of the story and the main driving force for good (as evidenced by the fact he's the only character I listed under ALL the themes I mentioned earlier), he also reads more like a symbol than a character. That's fine, a character doesn't need to go through an arc to be good, but for me, personally, a character in this kind of setting needs some form of growth for me to form an attachment to them. I'm not just talking about how Armin steadily grows okay with murder because that still doesn't do much to change his rosy outlook on life. The most excited I ever got about Armin's development was when he manipulated Bertholdt into thinking Annie was being tortured because holy shit that's kinda dark for Armin and I thought maybe his strategic mindset was going to start getting the better of his morals, but then that's never really touched on again. It's because I was never quite sure what the rhyme or reason was behind his actions that I found myself disconnected from him as a character, despite being inspired by him as a symbol.

Jean: My favorite character and a sorely underrated one at that. Won't say anything more about him here because I'm dedicating it to the Conclusion.

Levi: Second favorite character. Back when Attack on Titan's popularity was at its peak, I would see Levi on my dash all the time and I would roll my eyes thinking he was just another brooding anime bad boy the girls were fawning over. But I get it now. Yeah, he can brood, and yeah, he can be a bad boy as an ex-criminal who is no stranger to violence, but most of all he's compassionate. He cares deeply about the lives of his comrades and almost never values the "greater good" when decisions are left up to him. Granted, I think he becomes a little one-note after the Erwin vs Armin choice when he resolves that his only motivation from now on will be killing Zeke, but you know, after everything Zeke put him through, I think he earned it.

Hange: Third favorite character. They injected much-needed energy and sincerity into the story right from the start, and they only became more complex as the story went on and circumstances forced more and more responsibility onto them. I'm also glad that, while they are a good and moral character, they also don't mull over hard decisions that a veteran soldier probably wouldn't mull over. If worse comes to worst, they know they may have to resort to torture or violence to protect their comrades and the pursuit of truth. Still, they almost never push this any further than necessary, unlike Erwin before them.

Reiner: Fourth favorite character. I had basically no opinion on Reiner until Season 2 when he pushed Connie out of the way of a Titan's mouth and I thought "he's kinda cool." And then so so so much happens after that. I almost never knew how to feel about him. Is he the bad guy? He's killed so many people, he has to be. But then, why do I still like him? Why do I feel so bad for him? Season 4 only added to those mixed feelings, showing him to be suicidal and suffering from PTSD after all the violence he inflicted when he was just a child soldier. I think most of the themes about "people are people" is best illustrated in Reiner, and how he is able to overcome the pain of life through his dedication to the next generation and to the former friends he had hurt in the past.

Ymir (of the Cadets): Fifth favorite character. Like Reiner, I didn't really have any opinion on her until Season 2. While her contribution to the story is brief, it did a whole lot. Her backstory is technically our first introduction to a world outside the walls which also introduced a whole new mystery. Also, her love for Historia was probably the most genuine example of romantic love I can point to in the entire story, and the most emotionally touching one at that. She's also the one who introduces the theme "live a life you can be proud of" verbatim, which proves to be important for everyone.

Sasha and Connie: Truth is, I don't really have any favorites after Ymir, and how I feel about everyone else is some variation on neutral (except Floch). As for Sasha and Connie, I'm throwing them in the same bucket of "likable-enough comic-relief characters that have some semblance of a character arc but not nearly enough to justify their screentime." People might hate me for this, but I actually think Sasha contributed more to the narrative when she was dead than she did when she was alive. That doesn't mean I wasn't sad when she died, though.

Erwin: People might hate me for this too, but I think Erwin is overrated. I think many dudebro fans see him as the peak representation of heroic masculinity, as an unflinching and at times ruthless commander who takes charge and shows no weakness. That is not true. It's revealed Erwin does have a weakness, a selfish drive to redeem his father's suspicions about the outside world, a drive that makes him fear his own premature death, in the end. True, that drive has paved the way for the Scouts to clear impossible hurdles but also has it led to many senseless and brutal deaths that the story does not intend to justify. Erwin is flawed, incredibly so, and I wish more people could see that.

Historia: I had no opinion of her in Seasons 1-2, even during the love story she had with Ymir. It wasn't until the Uprising arc that she grew on me, as she started to mature beyond her "Disney princess" persona that had previously seemed so out of place in a story like this. That said, after she got pregnant in Season 4, I was disappointed to see that there wasn't much of a point to her character anymore despite being the literal queen.

Annie: I wanted to like Annie. I wanted so badly to like Annie. That's really only for aesthetic reasons because when the show was at its peak I saw her on my dash and fell in love with her as a fellow short blonde girl with a big nose and a name that starts with Ann. After getting to know her character... well, I don't dislike her. I think she served her role in the story well enough. She's just fairly simple once you learn her motivation, and she's hard to get attached to if you don't like emotionally-constipated characters.

Bertholdt: Oh, Berry. Unfortunately, every feeling I could have had for him I already felt 5x more for Reiner, so Berry became rather redundant. Also, his constant stare unnerved me. I did feel bad when he died though. RIP Berry.

Marlow: He didn't have a huge part in the story, but I think he was significant if only for one moment: the second before his death when he thinks of Hitch. Here we are given an everyman who wanted to rise to his calling and dedicate himself to the greater good, who was so driven by ideals and politics that he bravely gave his life for the cause he believed was right, but just before he meets his end, it's revealed to him that what he really wanted was a life with the girl he only just realized he loved. I think that one moment tragically encapsulated the main message of the story; we are here simply to enjoy life and enjoy each other.

Gabi: Again, people might hate me for this, but I liked Gabi. I think she did a good job of being a mirror of what Eren could have been had he been born in Marley, and/or if he had learned to sympathize enough with the enemy to have given up on his revenge plan. She went through a lot of horrors to get the growth she did, and I don't really understand the vitriol some fans have for her, even considering the fact she killed Sasha since killing Sasha and then learning that doing that was a bad thing through the kindness of Sasha's family was kind of the point. Also, as if Eren wouldn't have done the same thing in her shoes. She's a brainwashed child soldier, come on.

Falco: It was a breath of fresh air to have, like, one genuinely nice good kid for once. He's a necessary addition to Gabi's arc I think, since he's the one that keeps her grounded and helps her realize that the Paradis Eldians are not evil. His Jaw/Beast Titan powers are OP though.

Zeke: Hated him throughout all of Season 3 besides only knowing him as the Beast Titan. Season 4 rolled around and I did start to sympathize with him given his upbringing and the way his brother Eren used him after thinking he finally had a family he could be close with. I still didn't feel all that bad when bad things happened to him though, given the things he's willing to do to impose a sterilization "solution" to his own people.

Pieck: Getting into "they're fine but don't add much to the story" territory here. She's smart and has a sleepy-girl charm about her, I guess. She also has that one cool moment where she points to Eren as the enemy, but as far as her relationship with the main characters goes, she basically has none, which makes it hard for me to get invested in her.

Onyankopon, Yelena, Magath, and Kiyomi: Lumping all these characters together as the notable non-Eldians with their own agendas. I had no strong opinion on any of them. Onyankopon was cool, but I thought Magath changed his stance on Paradis too easily in the end, and Yelena and Kiyomi barely contributed anything that couldn't have been done by some other character. Their true purpose was really just to establish that there were different cultures outside of Paradis.

Floch: Saved the best for last. And by best, I mean worst. He's the anti-Jean, if you will; the everyman who, when faced with dire circumstances, turns to brutality and strength rather than humanity and compassion. It's fitting, I think, that he's the one who not only advocates saving Erwin, Jean's ideological opposite ("We need a devil!") but he's also the one who tempts Jean into a character regression since he's a representation of what Jean could have become if he stayed what he was like early Season 1. Other than that, he's a cupcake-head fascist whose dumb face I got tired of looking at even before he become a fascist. I just fucking hate Floch, man.

Every other character I either don't have anything much to say about, like Grisha, Shaddis, Pixis, Rod Reiss, and Hitch, or they died too early for me to say much about, like Porco, Petra, and Marco (although I did love Marco and I was incredibly sad when he died).

Conclusion (and why Jean is the best character you can't change my mind)

So, to take my thesis-length thoughts and distill them into one coherent sentence, my overall feeling on Attack on Titan is this: it's a well-paced, well-constructed story that is consistently engaging and thought-provoking about real-world issues, but is ultimately held back by its final act where the scale and allegory become too big and clunky for the story to properly handle. Many things that were so well set up in the previous three seasons sadly unravel at the finish line. That said, that doesn't mean there is no meaningful or worthwhile conclusion to be had in Attack on Titan; I think it still had a stronger finish than, say, HBO's Game of Thrones. I connected with it in a deep way that I haven't connected to any other piece of media lately besides maybe when I played Dragon Age last year, another story that raised thought-provoking themes about real-world issues but with admittedly clunky allegory. Most notably, though, I think my enjoyment of Attack on Titan was highly dependent on one character in particular, a character who acted as a reliable anchor point to come back to whenever the bigger ideas got away from the story.

Here's where Jean comes in. While Eren, Mikasa, and Armin are essentially mouthpieces and figureheads for the much-too-big themes they represent and are somewhat washed out as characters because of it, Jean delivers on all his themes perfectly while maintaining his believability as a character. In this world, he is basically just some guy; despite being talented, he's not as driven as Eren, he's not as strong as Mikasa, and he's not as idealistic as Armin. Jean himself recognizes all these things, but he also recognizes how their strengths also come with weaknesses that he can make up for. He sees Eren as cool but also suicidally reckless, he sees Mikasa as capable but also overly-dependent, he sees Armin as brilliant but also in need of a backbone. He then steps up to fill those deficiencies; to answer Eren's recklessness, he does everything he can to preserve his own life so that he can continue to serve others; to answer Mikasa's dependency on Eren, he makes his own decisions and creates strategies to get everyone out of trouble, not just Eren; to answer Armin's cowardice, he steps up and relays Armin's genius plans but with a stronger sense of leadership and authority.

But he wasn't always like this, and that's the most important part; Jean started as a selfish, cowardly, and entitled asshole. Floch says this outright. The only thing early Season 1 Jean cared about was securing his place in the top 10 and choosing a position among the Miltary Police where he could live the rest of his life in peace and luxury, the rest of the cadets be damned. I think this is a pitfall a lot of people in the real world can fall into: in a highly competitive and individualistic society, people have little incentive not to step on others in order to achieve a better life for themselves, and this is the very pitfall Jean nearly falls into. It's a relatable flaw, as little as people might want to admit it.

Yet, among all of Jean's negative pre-Trost qualities, he has two that can be seen as positive: his keen perception and his blunt honesty. Marco tells him as much. After the first battle in Trost, Jean, despite his reluctance to take up responsibility, sees opportunities to get his fellow cadets to safety and uses his insight into their strengths and weaknesses to guide as many of them as he can since he's the only one at the time who can take up leadership. Afterward, Marco tells him he makes a good leader not because he's strong, but because he knows what it means to be weak. He is able to lead because he doesn't delude himself with false hopes or illusions of grandeur; he knows exactly what is at stake and what hurdles everyone needs to overcome in order to have a chance at both winning and surviving. Jean is humbled and inspired by this, realizing that he would better serve in a field where he could potentially save lives instead of wasting his talents in the Military Police where he would have nothing to apply himself for.

But his real call to action is Marco's death. After losing his one true friend, Jean resolves to give up his dream of the Military Police and dedicate himself to the Scouts, where he can live up to the potential Marco always saw in him. If we are to take the theme of "true freedom is the ability to give up a long-held dream" to heart, then Jean is actually one of the first characters to achieve true freedom in this story. That doesn't mean it was easy. Freedom comes with the burden of responsibility, and his decision to join the Scouts isn't framed as triumphant or inspiring but instead as terrifying and traumatic. But that's another aspect of real life I think is captured by Jean's character: the decision to become a better person is not always easy, and it often requires a continual and conscious effort to push comfort zones, overcome bad habits, and step into the terrifying unknown, but you still have to do it.

While Jean does change for the better because of this decision (a change even his fellow cadets take notice of), his battle to grow as a person is never over. When faced with life-or-death situations as a Scout, he overcomes his cowardice to leap into action and save others whenever he knows he can. When faced with the selfishness of the Military Police, he is reassured by the knowledge that his decision not to join them saved him from that ignorant mindset. When faced with the consequences of "the greater good," he questions what it means for humanity if serving a grand purpose means they should turn a blind eye to the innocent. When faced with the prospect of having to kill other humans, he grapples with the morality of murder and what it means if he can't pull the trigger to save his friends. When faced with the crowning of Historia, he voices his concern against authority that they're forcing her into another role after she had just fought to reclaim her own identity from her father. When faced with the temptation to regress, ignore genocide, and settle for the easy life he always wanted in his youth, he resists the urge to fall back onto his dream and continues fighting even when it's the hardest thing he could ever do. When faced with the revelation that Reiner killed his friend Marco, he briefly gives into his resentment and anger but later works past it and admits there are more similarities between them than there are differences. When faced with no other choice but to stop the Rumbling, he's the first to bring Mikasa to the painful but necessary realization that they must kill their friend Eren in order to save countless innocent lives, as much as he doesn't want to do that.

Over and over again, Jean is presented with a moral dilemma, and over and over again, Jean chooses to come out of it as a better person despite it all. Because he achieved the freedom to choose who he wants to be so early in the story, the rest of his arc is a revelation that such freedom comes with constant and painful doubt. Yet, Jean never shies away from exploring the moral ambiguity of his world and the actions it makes him take. Because he is perceptive and honest, he's quick to question everything that is presented to him and never takes any one person's perspective as the only undeniable truth. Questioning life at every turn isn't easy either; it takes effort and courage and vigilance, and even when that way of life wears away at Jean, he does it anyway. If he doesn't, he'll end up just like the pitiful and ignorant Military Police he could have easily become. To me, that arc is so much more relatable than any other arc presented in this story. This is the very real struggle of a regular guy navigating a complicated world of war, eugenics, nationalism, and genocide, and is just trying to make it out as a decent person in the middle of it all. Really, isn't that all any of us are?

I think it's also telling that Floch tempts Jean to join the Yeagerists not with the argument that Eren and his plan for genocide is right, because deep down I think he knows Jean would have never agreed with that. Instead, he tempts him with the promise of comfort and a life free of resistance. I think that's the most revealing truth of all: Jean, the representation of humanity and its struggle with its own morality would never have gone along with genocide just for the sake of it. I think most people are too decent to think genocide is in any way justified when it's framed that way. Instead, Jean is only tempted by how the decision to join the Yeagerists and turn a blind eye would affect him and his own life, reframing the problem as a self-preserving one and retroactively justifying the Rumbling not as what is right but as what is futile for any one person to try to stop. That, I think, reflects the true struggle of humanity, the struggle to sacrifice your own self-interest whenever it conflicts with the need to help others.

While other characters like Mikasa, Eren, and Armin are more or less the same character at the end of the story as they are in the beginning, Jean is in a perpetual state of change, which means he also acts as a terrific mirror and foil for so many characters throughout the story depending on what stage of character development he's in. He starts as a foil to Eren, someone who harbors just as much hot-headed ego as Jean, but unlike Jean has all the conviction to back it up. As Jean grows, he continues to foil Eren by proving conviction can not only be gained but can be reigned in and redirected to be used as a force to do good instead of a force for destructive revenge. He then mirrors Armin, a character who is just as thoughtful and questioning as Jean but isn't as weighed down by selfish desires, but neither does that give much weight to Armin's moral dilemmas when he chooses to do the less moral thing than Jean does in his shoes. Jean and Armin eventually learn to work together, combining their respective strengths and weaknesses to become effective leaders in tandem. Interestingly, I learned that Armin and Jean were originally written to be the same character but were separated to reflect two different sides of humanity, perhaps to illustrate humanity's desire to reach outside the walls through Armin and humanity's struggle to resist the comfort of the walls through Jean. While I think that it was a good decision to separate them in the end, I also think that it robbed Armin of Jean's character development and robbed Jean of Armin's plot relevance. Then, of course, there's Jean's mirror for Floch, but I already touched on that in Floch's character summary so I won't retread it here.

But perhaps my favorite foil of Jean's is Reiner. More than Eren or Armin, Jean is inherently connected to Reiner through the death of Marco. While Reiner is positioned in Season 4 to also be a mirror for Eren, I think Reiner's similar loss of his friend Marcel (a friend who, unlike what Marco did for Jean, did the opposite of inspire Reiner by admitting that Reiner was never actually good enough for the role he got and only earned it by Marcel's intervention to protect his brother) positions Reiner as a more apt foil to Jean instead. Reiner is sent on a trajectory where he only clings harder to his dreams of becoming a hero for Marley, winning the affection of his mother and father, and proving himself worthy of his role, never willing to let those dreams go in the face of Marcel's death unlike Jean had done after losing Marco. Because he clings to this dream so dearly, he kills many innocent people to achieve it, again displaying the polar opposite mindset of Jean who fights instead to save innocent lives. But Reiner isn't without a heart, and eventually, the weight of his sins burdens him. How does he deal with it? Not by questioning or confronting reality like Jean does, but by compartmentalizing himself and rationalizing his actions through the use of multiple personas, essentially denying responsibility for his sins and avoiding the painful self-reflection he must undergo to accept accountability for what he's done.

Reiner is only able to truly self-reflect when he returns to Marley, where the reconciliation of who he is catches up with him and drives him to become suicidal, but neither is he deluded by the dream he once clung to anymore. Now that he's accepted responsibility, he joins up with Jean's group, admits he killed Marco, and accepts the brutal punishment Jean has for him. It's only after this moment that Jean makes the realization that they're the same because they are now. They've both undergone a change and while it took them in many different directions, in the end, they've come to the same point; despite their respective sins or lack thereof, they're both fighting to become better people than who they once were. And in the finale, it is Jean who reassures Reiner that he is and will always be a Scout because he's fighting to save humanity, just like they had sworn to do as youths. Jean never forgot what it was they were fighting for, and because of that, I think Jean earns his place as the true moral compass of the series.

Wow, this really got away from me; Do you love the color of the Attack on Titan thoughts post? Anyways, if you managed to read all of this, I'm flattered you stuck around to entertain all my ramblings on a series that is basically over after a decade-long run that I was too late to jump on. With all my thoughts out of the way, I'm going to go reblog some Jean posts now, because he's the best character and no, you can't change my mind.

#oh this is so long i am so so sorry #it's as my sister called it: do you love the color of the attack on titan thoughts post #just beware when clicking on the read more #anna watches attack on titan

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spaceisout · 1 year

Text

A desire that was not meant to be.

Pairing: Reiner Braun x F!Reader, Slight Jean Kirstein x F! Reader

Plot: You had put off your meeting due to the conflict with Marley but due to circumstances everything ends up erupting all at once.

Warning(s): cursing, yelling, slight violence

A/n: there might be a few mistakes since it's not fully proofread.

It was a quiet night to say the least, there were no titans in sight. The only sound you could hear were beetles and some animals roaming around at night.

A campfire inside the forest would have seem like a good choice to gather with some friends.

Friends.

Nowadays the people you had known for years were disappearing little by little. You did not know who to trust now. Anyone could have ill intentions that might get you tracked and dragged back to Paradis by the jaegerists.

Your lives were on the line and in return you'd get nothing.

The current group that was at each other's throats years ago were now sitting together sharing a meal.

It was a sight you'd never thought you would see again.

Well see Reiner again.

After parting that day during the invasion all you thought was about seeing the love your life. Waiting to kiss him again one day, but of course it turned out differently.

Now having him front of you brought mixed feelings and no reassurance that your love was as strong as it used to be.

Reiner kept glancing your way from time to time.

There were some instances that you'd both look at each other and let your gaze rest until one of you looked away.

His stare did awaken some of those feelings you'd used to get whenever he was around. But with a current situation it was difficult to tell if it was wrong to still feel something for him.

"Reiner Braun," Yelena said bringing your catching your attention. "You're the one who reached Shiganshina's inner gate. Do you know how many Eldians we're devoured by pure titans because of that?"

Reiner looked away feeling the guilt rushing back to him as he recalled the events.

You could tell how regretful he was. The look on his face said it all.

Yelena looked at Annie, "Annie Leonheart. I heard you killed a few more than survey core members on your time. And that's before we get into all innocents you trampled on and to fight your way out of Stohes."

"But let's not forget the brave liberators of Paradis." She added, "There's Armin the level headed one, who seems far too kind to cause that blood bath he did at Marley. How high do you think you can stack those corpses. And don't forget the civilians there were plenty."

Armin looked down at his lap closing his eyes.

"Not to sell the rest of you too short." She continued, making you feel annoyed by her voice already. "Everyone gave a heroic performance in Liberio. Jean most of all, Little Falco here threw himself in front of you to protect the cart but you didn't let that stop you from firing your thunder spear did you?"

You could feel the air change as her words continued on. Pouring venom into the open and getting everyone riled up to cause a scene. You knew her game play very well. She did not care about saving people. Elena never cared about anyone but herself in this whole situation. She easily bent down to Eren to stay in power even if that meant killing her own friend in return.

"You'd thought you all made it out clean until Gabi gunned down Sasha. What a sweetheart that girl was, even I couldn't help but feel sad for her." She said, "And to you she was family, you went through training together, went through hell together. Losing her must have been more painful than I can imagine.*

You rolled your eyes at her fake sympathy.

"This stew is pretty good Hange." Jean spoke smiling slightly at her, "Got enough for seconds?"

"Oh we've got more than enough so don't be shy." Hange grabbed his bowl and began to pour more stew.

Jean leaned back holding the bottle of liquor in one hand while keeping the other flat on the ground.

"I wanna thank you for this Yelena." He said, "You're baiting us out to air our grudges so we can get it out of our systems and get our heads on straight. Right? You'd have someone to vent to yourself if you hadn't blown out all you friends brains out to keep your fantasy alive."

He took another sip before continuing, "Now all you have a head full of cutting remarks and death wish. So this is actually pretty selfless of you."

"What can you expect?" You spoke leaning back against the large tree trunk. "She's all about getting what she wants but when her life is in danger that's all she actually cares about."

You looked at her as she avoided eye contact, "Isn't that right? You're all talk about everyone else's mistakes but you keep yourself shut on your own. I really hope that if you make it this far someone doesn't come along and take you out for not wanting to deal with your crap anymore."

"Now now we need to all be on the same page, (name)." Hange said, "Let's all take a break yeah?"

A sigh escaped from your lips, "How can I when people like her exist? She's a selfish prick."

Yelena lips started to curve up into a smile but stopped herself.

"Right... almost forgot." She said, "I didn't mention another name, he was already dead by the time we met. But I remember you said you were good friends. What was it, Mar―co."

Both your and Jean's eyes widened hearing his name.

Everyone's eyes were now on Yelena as well.

"As I recall you told me Annie had something to do with his death didn't you? Did you ever ask her for details?" Jean gasped in surprise. "I bet she'll tell you."

You held your breath waiting to hear an answer, an explanation as to why your close friend had to face death that day.

"I stole his odm gear and left him where titans could get to him." Annie admitted avoiding eye contact, "Marco got eaten because of me―"

Was surprised you was how quickly Reiner spoke.

"Annie was only following orders that I was giving her."

Hate started to fall deep in the pit of your stomach. Jean noticed your change in behavior, he placed his hand on top of yours giving it a gentle squeeze.

Of course it did not go unnoticed by Reiner, seeing how close you two were.

"During the fight in Trost, Marco over heard me and Bertholdt discussing something secret. If we let him go he could have exposed us and we decided we had to silence him." He continued but his explanation only angered you more. "I figured nobody would think twice about a scout getting eaten by a Titan. So I tackled him under a roof and I pinned him down and ordered Annie to strip him off his ODM gear. Then we just left him there... Marco was stranded on that rooftop without a way and a Titan got to him."

Silence rested upon the group, no one could grasp what Reiner had admitted. It was devasting seeing how someone could be so selfish about leaving another human being stranded to die.

"So... did Marco say anything before he was killed?" Jean asked.

"He asked why I wasn't willing to talk to him." Reiner answered.

"I think that question applies to everyone, why we haven't been willing to talk. We all just started fighting and assumed it had to be to the death."

"But we can still change that," Hange added. "We were all ready to kill each other. And now here we are talking it's something right? To think we would all be sitting around a campfire, sharing a meal with people we once called enemies."

"I stood and watched as a Titan devoured Marco and then a switch flipped and I couldn't figure out why it was happening."

Hange gasped.

"I just snapped flew into a rage, hell-bent on avenging Marco. I cut down the titan myself―"

"We get it Reiner." Jean interrupted him, "You're saying the guilt of carrying out the mission screwed with your head."

"Don't forgive me... I'm truly worthless."

"I said we get it." He spoke louder as his voice trembled with rage.

"I'm sorry."

It was enough to make you and Jean explode. Tears started to fall down your cheeks as you tried to understand why he was covering for her. Why he decided to go along with those orders.

Jean leaped from his place and threw a punch at him, throwing Reiner back and blood to come out of mouth. In a moment Jean was on top of him without a thought, it was all starting to become too much for you.

As they were killing each other you tried to suppress the sobs that wanted to escape. Armin walked over to you, rubbing your back and trying to calm you down.

"Try to breathe, okay?" Armin softly spoke, "Let's try and get your breathing back to normal."

You weakly nodded but it was impossible seeing how Jean was trying to kill the person who you thought was the love of your life.

Armin then left your side as he and Connie tried to get Jean off of Reiner

You stood up along with Hange and Mikasa to see what was going on.

Gabi then stepped in, but she was hurt in the process by Jean's strong hit. Falco kneeled down beside her worried about her health.

"I'm sorry... we came here," She spoke in pain. "To kill everyone in Paradis... we wanted to stage a massacre not prisoners. We thought the world might forgive us the sins of the Eldian Empire. If we wiped you out, they'd recognize us as good Eldians you see and save them from the Eldian devil's. And now my mom and dad and everyone back in Liberio."

"I'm sorry..." Gabbie got her knees trying to beg for forgiveness. "I understand I have no right to ask anything of you but we can't save our families without your help. So please... please don't let out homes get trampled. I'm beging you."

Falco held Gabbie up, looking everyone. "Help us please, we have to stop the rumbling together."

"We're begging you." She said.

We're begging you." He said.

"Let go." Jean said.

Both Connie and Armin let him go and he walked away.

"Jean." You said jogging behind him.

He stopped, turning to look at you, "I'm sorry― right now I need some space."

"I understand." You mumbled.

Jean gave you a small smile and headed into the woods.

Reiner slowly sat up, his eyes landing on you. They were filled with regret and sorrow.

You looked at him, feeling sorry for him for the way that Jean attacked him but not for what he had done.

Slowly you walked up to Reiner, Mikasa stood beside you as Armin and Connie stood aside.

"I used to think we'd see each other again," you said. "I wished for days upon days to see you... to maybe rekindle what we had."

"(name) I'm so sorry―"

"Don't apologize." You said, "I know for hell that you weren't the one who ordered to kill Marco. Were you?"

"I did I swear I didn't mean―"

"Stop lying!" You exclaimed as tears formed in your eyes. "You're covering for Annie, Reiner. She is the one who decided to kill Marco off not you."

Annie stood up, "I shouldn't have done what I did (name). I know I can't take back what I did―"

"No you can't." You clenched your jaw, "You're the reason Marco is dead! My friend died because of your selfish pathetic reasons. Do you realize how it felt to tell his parents how he died?!"

She looked down as her vision started get blurry.

"You don't get to feel sorry for the way you treated him." Sniffling you continued, "Marco was an innocent person who wanted to get to the ranks and serve the king just like you did. He was the kindest person who did not turn away anyone who needed help. He even helped you for crying out loud and this― this is how you repaid him?!"

"(name) we know what we both did was wrong but you shouldn't take it all out on her―"

"You both disgust me."

Reiner and Annie both stayed quiet.

"To think that I fell in love with you..." you voice cracked, "I―I wanted to spend the rest of my life next to you after this cruel world was over. But I was s fool."

"No that's not true!" Reiner stood up looking at you with broken eyes. "It was never your fault and I meant everything I told you... everything I felt about you was real (name). You have to believe me."

"How can I, huh?" You took a step forward, looking at him eye to eye. "I can only remember the person you were with me... and every time I look at you it's someone else I'm seeing."

"I'm the same person as I was back then." He desperately spoke, "I―I haven't changed! I still love you with all my heart (name)."

"I can't believe you..."

"(name) please," he begged holding both your upper arms in his hands. "I love you (name), I can't loose you... I―I don't want to loose you."

"Let me go, Reiner..." You quietly said as you cried.

"Please don't walk away from us―"

"Reiner."

"(Name) please..." He rested his forehead against yours trying to remember your warmth, your touch that he had craved to feel all these years.

"R―Reiner... please let me go." You let the tears fall, seeing them land on his arms.

"I love you so much..."

"Reiner let her go." Armin spoke.

"I'm not going to let the person I love walk away from me."

"Reiner... you already messed up." Connie said, "Let her go and let this end while she's giving you the chance to do so."

"Reiner, please listen... I don't want you to get hurt." Gabbie pleaded as she pulled on his shirt.

Tears were already rolling down his cheeks as he pulled himself away from you.

You were already missing his warmth. But you knew you couldn't forgive him, not for the way he acted.

"(name) don't blame him for my actions... he doesn't deserve the hate I do." Annie looked at you. "Reiner cares about you―"

"Then you should have thought about that before you did what you did." You said full of hatred, "If it was for me I wouldn't dare help you rescue your father for the crap that you pulled. You killed innocent people, for no reason! I don't even begin to understand why you should be alive instead of my family."

"I know..."

"But I'm not heartless," you explained wiping away your tears. "I wished that I was but unfortunately I'm not. There's innocent people on both sides that shouldn't suffer because of us. They deserve to live no matter what."

"I knew you'd end up doing the right thing." Yelena spoke, "It's what you do."

"Shut up, Yelena." You glared at her, "If it weren't for needing you, I would have left your ass behind to rot in hell. You don't deserve to be here. You're the least person to suggest anything with the ill intentions you have."

"All I did was help like Jean had said." She in innocently said.

"Oh please deep down you enjoy seeing this going down. You don't care about who gets in a fight, all you want is to tear people apart. That's your game, it's what you enjoy because you have nothing else in your pathetic life."

Looking at them one by one you saw what they all all had in common.

"Once we're done with this... I don't want to ever see your faces again." You said looking specifically at Yelena, Annie and Reiner.

You walked away from the group feeling like the air was being sucked out of you. It was getting heavier by the minute as you walked further into the forest.

Once you managed to get far enough away from them you let it all out. Sob after sob escaped from the heaviness of your chest, every emotion that was pent up was coming out.

All you could feel was a giant hole within you.

You had already lost your friends in the past, you'd thought that Reiner would be the one constant person in your life. But you were wrong and it hurt you so much seeing him for what he truly was.

Slowly you slid down against a tree with tightly closed eyes as the feeling of emptiness surrounded you. You wanted to run back into his arms, to have you hold you. Console you, in hopes of that pain going away.

But all you could do was hold yourself and try to get through the pain alone.

A pair of arms wrapped themselves around you, smelling the all too familiar scent.

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone to deal with him." Jean said pulling you into his chest.

"I―It's alright... you needed time." You mumbled into his chest.

"What a hell of a life we live huh?" He asked. "I wonder if Marco is waiting to scold us for the way we are."

"I miss him."

"I miss him too but we can't let him down... as much as we're in pain right now Marco wouldn't want us to do this to ourselves."

"I'm sure he would understand," you smiled weakly.

He chuckled lightly, "Knowing him he would drag us out of bed no matter how bad it would be."

"Yeah..."

"You deserve better... Reiner was privileged to have known you." He rubbed your back gently. "You're a badass who will get back on her feet I just know you will."

Your grip on him tighten.

Reiner was out of your life.

He chose what he wanted and now you had to do the same.

That's all you could do.

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