#colonel pretzel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wartakes · 10 months

Text

Make War Criminals Afraid Again (OLD ESSAY)

This essay was originally posted on January 6th, 2020 (IT WAS POSTED BEFORE T H E E V E N T S OF THAT DAY; NEXT ESSAY IS ABOUT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED).

I got super mad at some dipshit former Marine officer who said Trump should pardon noted war criminal Robert Bales. That's about it really. (Full essay below the cut).

CW: I know I tend to sprinkle swearing and colorful language in these regardless, but I really go off on this one language wise. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

This wasn’t what I wanted to start off this year writing about.

Believe it or not, I had some more tongue and cheek stuff I wanted to show you for the inaugural essay of 2021 that at least might have been more entertaining – if still informative (still have it in the works, but its going to have to wait for a while now).

Unfortunately, it has once again been proven we cannot have nice things, and something in particular has gotten under my skin and that of many other leftists who are or have been involved with defense, the military, or other parts of national security – as well as anyone else who isn’t a leftist or a natsec person but still possesses anything resembling a soul and a conscience.

That something in particular was what some might charitably call an “opinion piece” – though I’d rather call it self-indulgent, racist, right wing masturbation material – that was published by Military.com on January 4, 2021 (“yesterday”, as of the time I’m writing this, fueled by anger and a hasty dinner of fried spam and rice because that was all I had in the pantry I could make quickly to get right to writing).

The op-ed in question was written by written by retired Marine Corps Reserve Lieutenant Colonel David “Bull” Gurfein – I want you to know my eyes rolled so hard from his claimed moniker that my retinas very nearly disconnected – and calls for convicted war-criminal, U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Robert Bales, to be pardoned by President Donald Trump. Bales was convicted in 2013 of the murder of 16 Afghan civilians while he was deployed to Afghanistan in 2012. It is worth noting that, not only was he convicted of the murders by a jury of his military peers, he also plead guilty to that crime and confessed to those murders. Additionally, his case also went through the military appeals process, going all the way to the Supreme Court – which declined to review it.

Despite this, Lieutenant Colonel Bullshit – I think that nickname is more appropriate than the version he would prefer I use – lays out a disjointed series of falsehoods masquerading as “patriotism” in an impressive feat of mental gymnastics that would turn any sane person’s brain into a pretzel, arguing that Bales should be pardoned and released along with a number of other convicted “warriors” that remain behind bars. He does so on the behalf of “United American Patriots”, an organization that specifically advocates for U.S. troops convicted of war crimes – that is, the few that actually have been convicted in twenty years of forever war with numerous wrongs committed along the way.

Bullshit is making UAP’s final push for pardons after likely seeing that the writing is on the wall for Trump despite all of his attempts stealing an election that saw him lose by several million votes – to Joe fucking Biden no less. I can see why. War criminals have had no greater advocate in a President than Trump, who in his one term has pardoned convicted murderers Army First Lieunteant Clint Lorance and Army Major Matthew Golsteyn, as well as reversing the demotion of Navy SEAL Master Chief Edward Gallagher – the demotion being the only punishment Gallagher received for a murder that even other Navy SEALs were disturbed by. There have been a number of other war criminals lining up aside from these three notables, all hoping to get the Trump treatment to wash them of their sins.

So, knowing that, I can’t say I’m surprised that Bullshit is pushing for Bales to get the same hero treatment that Lorance, Golsteyn, and Gallagher have all received. But fact that he has the gall to advocate for it, so forcefully and openly, for someone convicted of a crime that is so egregious and horrific, is what makes this attempt so sickening – as well as the fact it would get published in anything other than, say, the Daily Stormer. It drives home everything that is so thoroughly fucked up about civil-military relations and the military in general in this country today.

Why This Really Matters

I’m not going to go through Bullshit’s article and refute his sad excuse for an argument point by point. Frankly, it doesn’t deserve it, and if you have any shred of decency left, you’ll know that he’s wrong without needing someone at me to tear his argument apart to show you how.

What really has me incensed about this is the fact I have to write this at all – let along the prosecutor who convicted Bales, who offered his own reasoning why Bales should remain behind bars and any pardon would be a miscarriage of justice. The fact we have to even consider that Trump might pardon Bales before he leaves office – if he’s not too preoccupied with any last-minute coup ideas. The fact that a military officer – retired, reserve, active duty, or otherwise – would think that this is a good and decent position to take, write an entire-ass op-ed about. The fact that anything resembling a reputable source of news – something Military.com just barely counted as before today for me – would think it was moral and ethical to give a piece of shit like this a platform to argue for something so abhorrent. That’s what has me steaming mad.

All that being ranted, there is one specific point from Bullshit’s piece that I want to latch onto that has me especially livid and I think really gets to the core of “something is very, very wrong with this country and its military” point I’m trying to make out of all of this. To cap off his cavalcade of fuckery, Bullshit concludes on this note:

To maintain good order and discipline within our armed forces, the president must send a clear and resounding message to its commanders, prosecutors and investigators that our nation will not tolerate our warriors’ rights being violated. Supported by the Constitution, the president must confidently take action to rectify the injustices faced by the eight warriors listed above by dismissing with prejudice the charges, disapproving the findings and sentences, providing full and unconditional pardons, and/or commuting the sentences for those still imprisoned.

Full disclosure: I have never served in the military. For the longest time, I was just an interested enthusiast when it came to the military, war, and national security. I have never been in combat, nor any situation that I could reasonably compare to it. That being said, eventually I moved up to being a student of these topics, and finally became a civilian practitioner of them. Over time I have built up a knowledge base on these issues through my own study, experience, and interactions with current and former military personnel from all branches of the armed forces and from multiple countries – some of whom are now close friends.

So, it is with all that in mind, in response to Bullshit’s conclusion, I scream into the internet at the top of my lungs the following:

THAT’S NOT HOW THAT FUCKING WORKS. THAT IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF HOW THAT FUCKING WORKS AND YOU DAMN WELL SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU PATHETIC FUCKER.

To be an officer and to say with a straight face that we need to pardon war criminals in order to maintain “good order and discipline” makes me angry on a level I did not think was possible, even after the experiences of 2020 that radicalized me to the point I started writing these essays. You don ‘t maintain discipline by implicitly telling your troops that they can murder non-combatants and get off the hook for it scot free because “‘Murica.” That is exactly the type of attitude that – along with other factors – only encourages a lack of discipline and a lack of respect for rules and regulations among the troops where it has been allowed to take root. You can draw a gigantic red line right between a lack of command discipline and a lack of discipline among subordinate troops (as if you need the bright red line there to make the connection). All you accomplish with an attitude like that is an endless feedback loop of declining standards of acceptable behavior. That’s what turns a professional military into nothing more than an armed rabble. If you asked just about any military officer or NCO that I worked with or was friends with they would say the same thing in some shape or form.

While shocking, it still makes sense that Bullshit would say this, given the type of people he advocates for – aside from the usual right-wing motivations of racism, imperialism, or the favorite right-wing celebrity past time of grifting for donation money – among others. After all, officers are meant to be responsible for the troops under their command and the actions that they take – including any war crimes. Bullshit seems like the type of officer who would want to avoid having to deal with that reality, so its much easier to simply say that the crime never happened, or that we don’t have all the facts, or that it wasn’t a crime and the murderer was wrongly convicted and that the victims were in fact “bad guys” and the murderer is really a hero, etc. etc. Anything in the book to avoid having to reap what you sow, evidentially. That’s what this all feels like: grasping any possible way to avoid repercussions for your actions because you’ve been led to believe you are physically incapable of doing any wrong.

It Shouldn’t Be Like This

If you’ve read any other of these essays I’ve written so far, you know that I think war is a reality we have to accept, and that the military is a necessary institution – even under an ideal, democratic socialist government. However, even with that in mind, we can’t have a properly functioning, professional military under any form of government if the message is sent that you can commit heinous acts with no repercussions. Bullshit, as an officer, should know that. Any of the officers and NCOs that his sad excuse for an organization has advocated for should know that. The President of the United States of America – the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces – should absolutely know that. If we are pardoning people like Bales – or even treating it as an acceptable point of view – we cannot have a military that isn’t sick to its core. It will only contribute to the numerous other maladies that poison the culture of the military and keep it from fulfilling its ideal purpose of protecting the people rather serving the interests of the few.

Its not just the military that the attitude that Bullshit and others like him takes towards war criminals poisons, but the relationship between the people and the military and the political atmosphere of the country as a whole. It sends all sorts of messages, none of which should be acceptable. It sends the message that troops are beyond reproach and capable of doing no wrong. It sends the message that the life of one American is more important than the lives of 18 people from a country that you can’t find on a map – but they’re brown, speak a different language and pray to a different God so that makes it ok because they’re clearly subhuman. If that isn’t enough, it sends the message that the lives of certain Americans matter more than others – as long as you believe the right things, say the right things, look the right way, and so on. It sends the message that violence like that Bales committed is fine as long as the right people are in charge or you have the right people on your side – which feels apt to say, just as a whole coterie of right-wing supporters are due to march on our nation’s capital to defy election results. This are just some of what pardoning Bales would signal – all of it terrible.

I don’t know how to wrap this up properly, so I’m just going to end it by stating the obvious:

This isn’t how things should work.

We can’t let it be the way things work.

Things not only should be different, they have to be different.

We have to make things different, or there really is no hope at fixing this country and making the world a better place.

Don’t let this be the way things are.

9 notes · View notes

pandagirl45 · 4 months

Note

I want to see something about Steve meeting Rhodey's family, please🥺

Ooh. That will be something I'd write eventually.

I like having rhodey mom and sister still alive. Not a big family, some members aren't there.

Steve tapped at the suitcase, even as rhodes drove out of the state to the place his boyfriend grew up. As the tall buildings began to dwindle and change, the intensity of steve energy began to shake.

He wonder if he can back out. Maybe have taken Tony offer to come with them. The silence was killing steve as he wondered how to explain... well, 'Hi I'm steve rogers, I have done a lot of questionable things. Also, your son is amazing.'

He looked at hos phone, a text from buck about meeting them there later. Visiting Maria grave. Isn't that a doozy. Steve wonder if he has to meet rhodes father. How would his father and mother take to rhodes dating him? Would they be painfully polite? Would they disapprove? What if they disown rhodey? Steve could jump out the car and sprint it to a train station. Hide away and wait till the desire to meet the family died off.

He met Tony! That was enough fami-

"Blondie, breath."

Wheeeeze.

Steve looked over, at a corner store, rhode smiled. Even with the colonel body looking calm, he can see the nervous energy in those chocolate eyes, "Jim," Steve rubbed at his face, "what if they hate me?"

"Then they hate you," rhodey leaned back showing a bag of pretzels, "it won't change this though, as much as that would suck not to see eye with them."

Oh. Steve wonders if this is karma for the shit he pulled during-

"Hey," Rhodes hand was on his cheek, rubbing his half-assed attempt at shaving before leaving, "It'll be fine. I'm an adult. You are. We both made mistakes. My mom, like most moms are protective. I'd be sweating bullets meeting your mom. The war machine, steven," Steve chuffed with laughter as rhodey grinned. Even if his mom would call him Steven, Steve wasn't sure if rhodes mom would like him.

Even with their small talk, Steve barely felt calm. Even when James open the door for him (huh, that was new), Steve didn't want to move. There was about two cars in the drive way besides rhodey. Even as rhodey knocked and opened the door. The sounds of music and laughter. Steve prayed that Tony comes so he can hide away.

"Boyfriend? Where?" It was teasing.

"Jeannie."

Rhodes looked around, back to steve who stood stalked still. Before he can move, he heard his mom strong but kind voice, "Jim, baby, why is that boy standing out there? Deer in the headlights."

Rhodey fondly kept his eye roll away, kissed his mom cheek, "he is nervous." Even as he said that, the pilot went over, grabbed the captain hand and took slow steps. Rubbing his thumb into the back of the hand.

The tall blonde swallowed as he approached closer. Bad guys, corrupt people, hell an angry cat, he can deal with but this, he wanted to melt away. Seeing Mrs rhodes, Tony fondly called her mama rhodes, rhodey little sister, dressed semi formal. It was a lot.

He held out his hand knowing his palm was shaking and wet, "hiimsteebrogersnicetomeetyou!"

Mrs rhodes blinked once, looked to rhodey then back to him. Rhodey rubbed at his back as she spoke, "I see why my son said you are a tall one." It was a tease, a faint pull of a smile, "come on, the chill."

Meeting his mom was a whirlwind. His sister was a lawyer, debating ethics with rhodey who was trying to get a raise out of her. There was a cousin or two, but he knows they were wary, a slow mumble of a 'white boy and being a danger'. Rhodey face must of said something, he went a spiel about wanting to upturn the entire government.

That is how he learned his father, Terrance, passed on. How he wouldn't even be proud what the hell was going on. There was a side to rhodey he was seeing in the flesh. Professional mask off. It became even more apparent as Tony bounced in, tackled the man, causing a rough house match to happen.

Bucky mingling with, rhodey aunt Steve believes. Even small. There was a lot.

Feeling a tap at his shoulder, steve looked over seeing Mrs rhodes in the kitchen. Food simmering. Going over, he swallowed. Impending shovel talk?

Impending talk about he isn't good for her son?

What?

"Now," she began eyes distant before they are here again, "my son, he is a stubborn man. Loyal. He can be insecure. When he told me he has a boyfriend, he was quick to jump to the conclusion I'd disapprove. He is intelligent but he is also crazy like his father. Crazy with love. Family. Duty. I'm sure you will or do know this."

He does. Funny. Quick to protect. A slow rage that can build behind the calm. Calculating. Handsome. Strong. Not bottle Strong.

Mrs rhodes sighed with a smile holding a spoon, dipping into some broth, passing it on to him. Steve held it in surprise, before taking a sip, "Take care of him for me? We need all the help we can get."

Blushing, Steve nodded, "its good, the broth and yes ma'am." He held the spoon. Mrs rhodes gave a smile, shooing him off to enjoy the game being set up. "Anthony."

"I'm coming mama rhodes!"

Steve felt his face hot, the warm hand in his neck, "you good blondie?"

"I'm good," he looked at his cards, even as Jeannie chuckled about blondie, a finger showing to her from rhodes, "the broth is good."

Something about her letting him try food being a sign of good faith. Steve wasn't going to jinx it, he was going swim in it.

[I can keep going on. Meeting the family is so great. Rhodey family revealing all the secrets to steve later]

#thank you for the ask!#ask me anything #warshield #drabble #steve rogers #james rhodes #steve rogers x james rhodes #they are R and R #pfft thats cute

5 notes · View notes

polardestiny · 10 months

Text

stumbling in hours later to talk abt frankie's dogs, gonna go in order of team position for basic dog sled team configuration, there are two lead dogs, two swing dogs, anywhere from 8-14 team dogs (which can consist of other positions for backup), and two wheel dogs

honorable mention as far as pets go: lunchbox the virginia opossum that fell in through the kitchen window while frankie was making lunch and just.. moved in

lead dogs - these are the ones at the front who lead for lack of better phrasing! smart, confident, focused - vagabond : alaskan husky / had trust issues at the start, scarred from a run-in with a black bear. incredibly loyal, but will only listen to frankie. one of the first dogs frankie got after the previous team was retired. - colonel : alaskan husky / also one of the original team. on his way to retirement, oldest dog on the team currently. - flash : alaskan husky / fastest dog on the team ! brilliant dog and quick to follow commands, though it does make it harder for the team to keep up from time to time. - bold ruler : alaskan husky / newest lead dog to the team. purchased as a new prospect from another sled dog kennel in the state. doing well so far ! - jigsaw : wolf-dog hybrid / a bit insane. only respects frankie, and that took time to build the trust. will manage to get off his lead in the yard and shows back up covered in blood with no discernable injuries. has scared off most workers frankie has tried to hire part-time. - squid : alaskan husky / leads like a team captain, but the pickiest of the team. if he doesn't have his harness and his boots, and ride in his spot in the team truck, he gets anxious as hell and can't perform.

swing dogs - these dogs help with steering and stay on trail on corners, basically following the leads - lamborghini : seppala siberian sleddog / one of the only "purebreds" on the team. very snooty, and often simply gets referred to as "lambo". the dog has an ego. - pitstop : utonagan / twin a. only gets run with u-haul, as they haven't really got much experience with the rest of the team. - u-haul : utonagan / twin b. these dogs were picked up sort of last minute by frankie from someone getting rid of them in a walmart parking lot. littermate syndrome for real. - mohawk : wolf-dog hybrid / named for the distinct ridge of hair like a "mohawk" he has going down his head/back. very playful, and gets into trouble often. littermates with punk. - pretzel : alaskan husky / the only female swing dog! she's the only one currently on the team that actually works well with the boys, a lot of the other team dogs that they've tried as swings just.. don't work out. - mako : siberian husky / the only true siberian husky that frankie owns. the classic husky, very handsome, and insanely smart. screams during de-shed time. - tiger : alaskan husky / the most weirdly cat-like dog you'll ever find. he's a red brindle.. something. likely akita inu mix. always has one eye on the team, no matter what's going on.

wheel dogs - these are the dogs that initially pull the sled when the journey begins, the biggest and strongest - melonhead : alaskan malamute / absolutely huge, even compared to the other wheel dogs. sort of almost has a bull terrier wedge head, hence the name. - rusty : alaskan husky / one of the smaller wheel dogs, and the second oldest on the team. tends to act like the Team Dad. - matador : alaskan husky / newest wheel dog recruit. got his name from fucking around with hulk, mostly, like a matador with a bull. - hulk : alaskan husky / can either be the most gentle or rage out. tends to get overstimulated, and is in the process of retiring to pet life. - atlas : alaskan husky / one of the other older dogs. got his name from the shock of white fur he has on his head, like from when everyone took turns holding up the world in the pjo series. - titan : wolf-dog hybrid / the tallest wheel dog, compared to melonhead's bulk. incredibly gangly, though.

team dogs - these dogs provide the bulk of the power for the team, all equally strong/fast to bring balance - castaway : alaskan husky / also a scarred dog, though due to human cruelty. took a while to integrate to the team because of this, but he trusts frankie implicitly. - cracker : alaskan husky / one of the younger dogs on the team. still acts like an over-excited puppy all the time. - kookaburra : alaskan husky / very vocal, named for her habit of chattering/yipping while running or even tied to the line. - sprite : alaskan husky / smallest dog on the team. acts a bit like navi from legend of zelda, hence the name. - sky : alaskan husky / bouncy and happy all the time, a very positive light. - grover : alaskan husky / just.. the saddest dog on the team. like eeyore in dog form. will absolutely love to lay his head on your lap all day, though. - punk : wolf-dog hybrid / littermates with mohawk. took more time to work with than mohawk, and is also only really obedient for frankie. - zack : alaskan husky / named after zack from final fantasy, coz he has a scar similar to zack's on one side of his face. very charming personality for a dog. - toby : alaskan husky / another younger member of the team. might end up being a swing dog, once he settles a bit more.

house dogs - these are the pets! they don't race, though i'm sure they'd love to try! - fatty : alaskan husky / never really took to racing, and would prefer to get every table scrap possible instead. if he had a real name, frankie's forgotten it by now. - dawn : stabyhoun mix / very shy with strangers, and slow to trust. likes to hide behind frankie when meeting new people. - petunia : chinook mix / kind of snobby with strangers, like they aren't good enough for her. likes to go and check on the team often when frankie's doing their morning rounds. - august : chow-chow mix / big loverboy, and will lay completely on top of you, while sighing a huge sigh as if he has worries in the world - toad : akita inu-kai ken mix / has a bit of a smooshed in face like a toad. also has a loud, deep bark that catches most people off guard. - jack daniels : german shepherd / the most stone butch dog you may ever meet in your life. she gets called handsome on just about every walk frankie takes her on in the cities. - nurse : dalmatian (long haired) / a loving and recent addition to the family. frankie jokes she needs to learn how to be a rescue dog like the st. bernards. - omen : borzoi / the newest non-racing dog. will commonly be referred to as The Horse.

#long post /#art actually exists of Each and Every One of these dogs LMAO #000. ━━ ◤ you can't win me ; i can't be beat! ; out. ◢#104. ━━ ◤ lord of alaska ; headcanon. ◢

2 notes · View notes

daddycest-hub · 10 months

Note

1st-What did you think of the Y/N X Colonel Kinky Convo? ;) 2nd-Let's see... When Y/N, his Daddy Dean, & Uncle Sam, are Investigating the Death of a crushed taxidermist, reported as a “human pretzel” & later that of a shelter receptionist, they come into possession of a German Shepard, named: The Colonel. At first thinking it was the Monster, only to discover it's just a Dog who was in the wrong place at the wrong time... twice, his Daddy realizes he's still a Witness, & his Uncle has an Idea...

Go on....

0 notes

simonxriley · 2 years

Note

food + drink for hattie! 💜

Thank you! 💜

🍼 BABY BOTTLE: How do they feel about babies and children? Would they ever have any?

She loved babies and children growing up and wanted to be a mom at some point in her life. However, joining the SGC made keeping a relationship hard. What she does for a living is classified, she can’t say anything without repercussion. She kind of let that dream of having her own family fade away, until her and Colonel Reynolds became a couple. Not they have a daughter together.

🍫 CHOCOLATE BAR: Do they have a sweet tooth? What kind of candy do they prefer?

Yes she does, a big one. She loves chocolate and anything dipped in chocolate like pretzels or cashews. She also loves gummy bears/worms, they remind her of her childhood.

🍸 COCKTAIL GLASS: Do they drink alcohol? What kind do they prefer?

On a slim occasion. She might have a beer some nights or a martini if out with friends. But her symbiote doesn’t like the taste of alcohol so she quit drinking, which was fine with her.

🍴 FORK AND KNIFE: Do they have good manners? Were they taught to be that way, or are they just polite?

I would say so, yes. Obviously her parents taught her how to be polite and caring and all that. She’s also military and they’re trained in certain ways, to be respectful/listen to superiors, etc etc.

☕ HOT BEVERAGE: Do they prefer coffee, tea, hot chocolate, or something else for their “hot beverage”?

Coffee. She could live off that stuff and kinda does in a way. Work and personal life is exhausting and b/c of that coffee has become her best friend. When winter comes around she does love some hot chocolate with whipped cream and some marshmallows.

🍄 MUSHROOM: Would they ever experiment with psychedelics? How would it affect them?

No, she would get into major (no pun attended) trouble if that was found in her system. And even if she did take any her symbiote would get it out of her system before it took affect.

🥞 PANCAKES: What’s their comfort food?

Chocolate covered pretzels. She can eat a bag of them within the hour.

🥧 PIE: Do they like cooking or baking? Are they good at it? What are their go-to creations?

Both! She’s a lot better at baking then cooking, she’s still learning the whole cooking part of life and probably always will. Her go-to creations are definitely chocolate chip cookies b/c they’re easy to make and they’re yummy. You can’t go wrong with cookies.

🍕 PIZZA: When they’re having a “lazy day”, what do they like to do?

Spending time with her daughter. She might take her to a park, swimming or to the zoo. Anything that makes them do something together and have fun while doing it.

🍿 POPCORN: What’s their go-to food or candy at a movie theatre?

Popcorn with butter and she’ll have some sort of candy, like gummy bears or something close to it.

#chuckhansen #oc hattie cooper

2 notes · View notes

love-takes-work · 4 years

Text

Over 150 Steven Universe Recipes

Here is my absurd gallery of recipe photos. Every recipe here has been eaten, prominently featured, or (in a few cases) mentioned on Steven Universe or Steven Universe Future.

Recipes I did not make would include a) stuff eaten that wasn’t really food (usually); b) stuff that was drawn as background art or incidentally; c) food that shows up again and again if I’ve already made it once; d) stuff that only appeared in comics or games; e) sentient food (usually), unless it was eaten (this is more of a problem in Steven Universe than most people recognize).

Enjoy. Numbers correspond to descriptions after the jump. Find a recipe in the show that I haven’t done and I’ll buy you lunch.

1. Hot Dogs and Hamburgers - "Beach Party" 2. Amethyst's Birthday - "So Many Birthdays" 3. Beans - "Are You My Dad?" 4. Mask Island Fish - "Island Adventure" 5. Perfectly Timed Afternoon Sandwich - "Onion Friend" 6. Bagel Sandwiches - "Cheeseburger Backpack" 7. Three-Way Sub - "Say Uncle" 8. Slurpable Fish - "Steven and the Stevens" 9. Battle Rations - "Change Your Mind" 10. Hoagie - "Super Watermelon Island"

11. Brunch - "Steven Reacts" 12. That 'Za - "Guidance" 13. Breakfast Only Breakfast - "Maximum Capacity" 14. Bindle Lunches - "On the Run" 15. Bodyguard Sandwich - "Shirt Club" 16. Bigger Together Breakfast - "Together Breakfast" 17. Bixbite's Pizza - "Guidance" 18. Caprese Salad - "Shirt Club" 19. Blowtorch Grilled Cheese - "Space Race" 20. Bluebird's Cake - "Bluebird"

21. Cloud - "Steven the Sword Fighter" 22. Cheeseball Cake - "Fusion Cuisine" 23. Mushed-Up Carrots - "Greg the Babysitter" 24. Secret Meal - "House Guest" 25. Bowl of Cereal - "Arcade Mania" 26. Chaaaaps - "Monster Buddies," "Onion Friend," and more 27. Spicy Chili - "In Dreams" 28. Tasty Cereal (and cereal dust) - "Greg the Babysitter" 29. Carrot Bean Meal - "Rose Buds" 30. Clams, Peanut Butter, and a Side of Fresh-Cut Grass - "Bluebird" 31. Cherries - "Mr. Greg"

32. Garnet's Cookies - "Warp Tour" 33. Connie's Smoothie - "Sworn to the Sword" 34. Cookie Cat Ice Cream - "Growing Pains" 35. Colonel Kernel's Classic Creamed Corn - "Rose's Room" 36. Hot Cocoa - "Growing Pains" 37. Homemade Cookie Cats - "The Future" 38. Cookie Cake - "Steven's Birthday" 39. Corndogs - "Too Short to Ride" 40. Hunted Fish - "Fragments" 41. Cookie Cats - "Gem Glow" 42. Battle Refreshments - "Sworn to the Sword"

43. Dirt - "Prickly Pair" 44. Microwaveable Breakfast Friends - "Political Power" 45. Egg Salad - "Steven vs. Amethyst" 46. Crystal Lizards - "Lion 2: The Movie" 47. Donut Box - "Sadie Killer" 48. Dog Nut - "Lion 3: Straight to Video" 49. Durian Juice - "An Indirect Kiss" and many others 50. Melted Ice Cream - "Political Power" 51. Crystal Drinks - "Rose Buds" 52. Dad Breakfast - "House Guest"

53. Fantastic Fries - "Restaurant Wars" 54. Everything Pizza - "What's Your Problem" 55. Fire Salt & Fries - "Joking Victim" 56. Fish Stew Pizza - "Steven's Lion" and MANY others 57. Fresh-Squeezed Lemonade - "Rising Tides, Crashing Skies" 58. French Toast Breakfast - "The New Lars" 59. Fire Salt Donuts - "Joking Victim" 60. Orange Juice - "Alone at Sea" 61. Food for Stranded Humans - "Lars' Head" 62. Fressssh Donuts - "Steven Floats" and many others

63. Breadsticks - "Fusion Cuisine" 64. Gem Harvest - "Gem Harvest" 65. Fruit Cereal - "In Dreams" 66. Guacola - "Drop Beat Dad" 67. Shrimp Appetizer - "Fusion Cuisine" 68. Giant Bird Egg - "Cheeseburger Backpack" 69. Graduation Cake - "Little Graduation" 70. Frybo Fries - "Frybo" 71. Funnel Cake - "Onion Trade" 72. Fry Bits - "Laser Light Cannon" and MANY others

73. Alien Carcass - "Jungle Moon" 74. Cliff Picnic - "An Indirect Kiss" 75. Jungle Moon Fruit - "Jungle Moon" 76. Hot Dog - "We Are the Crystal Gems" opening theme 77. Happy Breakfast - "Keystone Motel" 78. Korean Lunch - "Steven's Dream" 79. Jam and Biscuits - "Sworn to the Sword" 80. Fish Kebabs - "Island Adventure" 81. Lars' Lunch - "Coach Steven" 82. Ice Cream à la Pie - "Mr. Universe"

83. Mayo Sandwich - "Future Vision" 84. Macaroni Cheese - "Warp Tour" 85. Confectionary Puff Rocks - "Kindergarten Kid" 86. Hotteok & Fruit Milk - "Steven's Dream" 87. Snack Sushi - "Cooking With Lion" 88. Lion Lickers - "Nightmare Hospital" and others 89. Hot Dog & Marshmallow Kebab - "It Could've Been Great" 90. Largest Bowl of Ice Cream in Beach County - "Joking Victim" 91. Marshmallows - "Winter Forecast" 92. Macaroni and Nothing - "Warp Tour"

93. Mashed Potato Steven Sculpture - "Onion Friend" 94. Mooncakes - "Little Graduation" 95. Party Sub - "Your Mother and Mine" 96. Pie - "So Many Birthdays" 97. Onion Rings - "Garnet's Universe" 98. Our Own Snacks - "Lion 2: The Movie" 99. Me-Time Meal - "Kiki's Pizza Delivery Service" 100. Nut Dog - "Lion 3: Straight to Video" 101. Noodles and Butter - "Onion Friend" 102. Oyster Crackers - "Joking Victim" and others

103. Popcorn - "Bubble Buddies" and many others 104. Cupcakes for Pearl - "So Many Birthdays" 105. Cool Kids Potluck - "The Good Lars" 106. The Pink Lars - "Letters to Lars" 107. Pink Diamond Shards - "A Single Pale Rose" 108. Pizza Bagel - "Restaurant Wars" 109. Pizza Steven Universe - "Say Uncle" 110. Burrito and Chip Burrito Pizza - "Bismuth" 111. Pile of Food - "Reformed" 112. Pepe's Burgers Meal - "Mr. Greg," "Mr. Universe"

113. Watery Macaroni - "Storm in the Room" 114. Mozzarella Sticks - "Restaurant Wars" 115. Eggs for Eyes - "Snow Day" 116. Pumpkin-Shaped Pumpkin Bread - "The Good Lars" 117. French Fry Pizza with a French-Fry Crust, with Fries on the Side - "Restaurant Wars" 118. Pine Needle Tea - "Gem Hunt" 119. Protein Shake - "Snow Day" 120. Deep-Fried Pizza with Pizza Bits - "Restaurant Wars" 121. Rebel Turkey Leg - "Open Book" 122. Protes - "Gem Hunt"

123. Soup When It Rains - "When It Rains" 124. Mama Sadie Lunch - "Lion 3: Striaght to Video" 125. Shield Veggies - "Gem Hunt" 126. Snow Cones (and snow cone juice) - "Guidance" 127. Formula - "Three Gems and a Baby" 128. Jam Sandwich - "Three Gems and a Baby" 129. Nicey Spicey Spicy Pretzels - "Lion 3: Straight to Video" 130. Sandwich Not for Cats - "Cat Fingers" 131. Secret Team Bits - "Secret Team" 132. Salad That's Mostly Cheese - "The Big Show"

133. "That Was a Cake???" - "Steven Floats" 134. The Finest Steak and Brie - "Mr. Greg" 135. Together Breakfast - "Together Breakfast" 136. Square Pizza - "Keystone Motel" 137. Sugar Shock Shut Down - "Last One Out of Beach City" (also included cans of Apple Sidra) 138. Strawberry - "Serious Steven" and "Buddy's Book" 139. Together Breakfast Wedding Cake - "Reunited" 140. Tea and Cookies with UG - "Say Uncle" 141. Suitcase Sam's Lunch - "Onion Trade" 142. Tea Sandwiches - "We Are the Crystal Gems" extended opening

143. Zucchini With Linguine - "Steven and the Stevens" 144. Rotten Tuna Burrito - "So Many Birthdays" 145. Baby Melon - "Watermelon Steven" 146. Mi Torta - "Monster Buddies" 147. Zoo Fruit - "The Zoo" 148. Waffle Egg Sandwiches - "Winter Forecast" 149. Tots and Tot Bits - "Letters to Lars" 150. Together Forever Cake & Picnic - "Together Forever" 151. Ube Roll - "The Good Lars" 152. Tea and Teabag - "Onion Friend," "Three Gems and a Baby" 153. Tomato Soup Juice Box - "Bluebird" 154. Wedding Cake - "Gem Harvest"

#steven universe #food #long post #steven universe food #steven universe recipes #myblog

116 notes · View notes

flam-kish · 1 year

Photo

Fuga: Melodies of Steel Art Book

#fuga #colonel pretzel #pretzel fuga #flam kish #doktor blutwurst #von stollen #von baum #yes i had to put flam with her dad #shvein hax

6 notes · View notes

incorrect-quotes-of-steel · 2 months

Text

Pretzel: there are no ‘I’s in team.

Blutwurst: nah, but there are six Is in ‘fuck it, I don’t care how big the room is, I cast fireball!’

Hax: oh my god…

#fuga melodies of steel #doktor blutwurst #shvein hax #colonel pretzel

4 notes · View notes

number1villainstan · 4 months

Text

Read on Dreamwidth

Summary:

Colonel Salzen Pretzel hadn't expected to wake up. Or: the afterlife really does exist, even if it's not what anyone expects, and Pretzel still has his daughter to worry about.

Warnings: Choose Not To Use, Rating: Teen and Up, Category: Gen

Relationships: Colonel Pretzel & Lt Col Flam Kish

Characters: Colonel Pretzel, Mentioned Flam Kish, Mentioned Shvein Hax, Mentioned Von Baum, Mentioned Von Stollen

Additional Tags: Canonical Character Death, Afterlife, introspective, Father-Daughter Relationship, Character Study, ish, Good Father Colonel Pretzel

Colonel Salzen Pretzel hadn’t expected to wake up.

He’d known immediately he was dying, as the shrapnel riddled his body and the fire ravaged his flesh. In his final moments he had held no anger towards the children in that tank. It was, perhaps, their right to attack him so, as he had attacked their town, even as the doubts he would never fully express—even in his private journal—were creeping up from the back of his mind, and so he could not be angry. He remembers his death clearly: a quiet understanding ache, an awe at the sheer power of the children’s tank, the tiniest sliver of misplaced fatherly pride, and then intense, agonizing pain that wiped out all other thought until it too winked out in the blackness of death.

(Not the best death possible, to be sure, but also not the worst—he remembers Mother’s months-long battle with cancer too well to claim that.)

He didn’t expect to wake up, but he counts it a pleasant surprise. Or an unpleasant one, if Hax’s wild stories of a fiery pit under the earth made to punish sinners are true, but even Shvein Hax, despite his obsession with old folklore and fairy-tales, had had little regard for the idea of a moral existence beyond life and death. And besides, the first impression Salzen gathers of his place isn’t fire, or red, or heat, but a softer color somewhere between light gray and off-white, like a cloudy day sky. He’s lying on his back, is the next thing he notices as his senses return to him. And then the pain hits again, and he hisses through his teeth as his skin feels like it’s lighting on fire again, trying desperately to hold back an undignified whimper or scream as it builds.

“Salzen Pretzel,” a musical, androgynous voice says over him, cutting through the noise of the pain. “Do not worry. The pain will fade soon.”

Slowly Salzen pries his eyes open again (when had he closed them?) to see a figure peering down at him. His vision is so blurred by tears that he can’t distinguish any details aside from a dark gray round-ish shape against the lighter gray of the sky. He thinks he opens his mouth to speak but all that comes out is a low groan and he immediately shuts it again.

“Hush now,” that same voice says. “Breathe deep and count the seconds to distract yourself.”

It’s all he can do to follow the instructions. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. After some undefinable amount of time—could have been seconds, could have been years—the pain ebbs away to a manageable level, to only patches of his skin rather than his entire body. His eyes pry open yet again to the face of that figure, and as his vision clears he realizes that it wasn’t that he couldn’t make out any details, but that the figure’s face doesn’t have any details to make out. It’s just a smooth, dark gray plane in the approximate shape of a face, no snout or mouth or eyes to be found.

“Ah,” he says. “Hello.”

“Hello,” it repeats at him.

The pain is almost entirely gone now, and he attempts to sit up. The faceless person(?) steps back to allow him room, but he doesn’t need it—the pain has left him too weak to sit up on his own. Another moment or two, he tells himself.

Instead he turns his head, with some effort, towards the faceless figure again. “If you don’t mind me asking, who are you?”

The figure’s head tilts, perhaps in amusement. “A better question would be what am I. I am what you might call an angel—I have no individual identity. My purpose is to meet and guide new souls. This place can be confusing to those who expected something else.”

“…this place?” Ignoring the question of “no individual identity” for a second.

“The place after death, of course,” the angel hums. “Where souls go after they have been severed from their bodies.”

That…does make sense, Salzen supposes. Where else would he have gone after that explosion? But he hadn’t expected death to be so painful. “What happens here?” he asks next.

“Several things may happen. It depends on the soul. There is no punishment or reward here, aside from the punishment or reward that souls put on themselves, or onto other souls. Some souls choose to wander and explore this place. Some choose to go back and be reborn. Others go out to meet other souls. Others lay down to sleep, sometimes for centuries. You may do as you wish.”

S alzen attempts to sit up again, and this time manages it—the pain is gone and his strength is returning. “ Other souls?” Even as he asks the question, he can see the outlines of the soldiers he commanded forming into bodies on the ground, still dressed in their uniforms just like Salzen himself. Something occurs to him. “Do people…” He struggles to word his question. “Does the place where someone dies correspond with the place where they, ah, enter this place after death?”

“It does. So does time.”

... time. Time was still passing in the living world, wasn’t it? Those children in that tank would continue to do…whatever it was they were trying to do—free their parents, wasn’t it? The Berman army would continue to spread through the last vestiges of Gasco territory. Hax would continue chasing his legendary Lost God. Stollen and Baum would continue to play their war games and waste lives. And Flam— impulsive, stubborn, brilliant Flam—would hear the news of his death and immediately resolve herself to vengeance, would lay an ingenious trap for the tank and its children, would bring to bear every single scrap of weaponry she could command or convince against it, and she would die anyways, because that tank was like something out of Hax’s old stories and Salzen doubted it could be defeated through any mundane means.

“My daughter,” he says aloud, to himself. “She’s going to get herself killed—I have to stop her—”

“You cannot stop her,” the angel interrupts. “You are Here, and dead. She is There, and alive. And should you go back There and be reborn you would lose your memories.”

Its words are gentle, but Salzen still feels the sting of failure. His daughter is about to throw herself into her own death and he’s unable to e ven attempt to stop her, because he’s gone now from that world, and soon she will be too…

…soon she’ll be here, in the place after death. Where Salzen is.

“If I cannot stop her,” he eventually declares, “then I will wait for her.”

“You may do as you wish,” the angel repeats.

#colonel pretzel #flam kish #fuga: melodies of steel #writing #my writing #monthly short pieces

2 notes · View notes

fluffykitty1999-blog · 3 years

Text

Dog of the Military- Chapter 31

Chapter 31- Shopping

"Can we go to the High Market?" Ed asked hopefully as he bounced into the passenger seat of Roy's car.

"Brother. That place is crawling with sketchy people." Al admonished from where he was settling into the entire backseat of the car.

"We aren't going anywhere until you two put on your seatbelts." Roy admonished, shooting a glance over at both boys witheringly.

There was clanking from the backseat as Alphonse hurried to comply.

Ed blew out a breath and rolled his eyes.

"I don't see why I gotta wear a seat belt. My automail can't be broken. And Al's a suit of armor- nothing can hurt him!"

"No, but Alphonse could hurt us. If there was a crash and Al were to get thrown forward, we could be hurt. And you might have automail, Ed, but you're not invincible."

Ed crossed his arms. "It's stupid. Don't tell me what to do."

"Oh, so you think I'm being bossy, huh?" Roy asked.

"Ed, just put it on." Al piped up from the backseat. There was a click. Al was too large to fit the middle seat seat belt, so he had taken 2 seat belts from either side of the backseat and fastened them both over himself in an x-like fashion.

"I'm tired of old people trying to tell us what to do, Al!" Ed protested.

"It's for your own good, you know." Roy supplied patiently. "Seatbelts reduce the risk of death by 45% and cut the risk of serious injury to 50%(1). They also hold you in place so you don't get ejected in a crash. 3 of 4 people who get ejected from a vehicle don't survive(1). You wouldn't want to do that to Al, would you?"

Ed was silent.

"Remember that car crash was saw in Bresh, brother?" Al added. "We couldn't do anything to help. Everyone was gone. All we could do was cover up the mess with blankets so that the teenager's families wouldn't see them. Maybe if they'd been wearing seat belts it'd have been different."

Ed clicked his seatbelt into place. "Fine, whatever. Let's get going we have shopping to do."

Roy turned the key in the ignition and started out.

"So- does anyone want anything specific from the store?" Roy asked.

"Waffles." Ed said happily. "And soft pretzels."

"Scented candles." Al added.

"You're gonna polish yourself with that flowery smelling wax again aren't you?" Ed spoke up.

"It's the closest thing I can get to deodorant, brother." Al sounded slightly hurt.

"I know. Get some of those cucumber melon candles-I like the smell of those." Ed said quietly.

"Okay." Al brightened significantly.

"I wanna go to the High Market too." Ed piped up, looking over at Roy.

"For what?" Roy was wary. The high market sold useful things, but it was also a backdoor apothecary that sold unregulated pharmaceuticals and other odd, possibly illegal substances in the alley under the guise of traditional medicine.

"They got those cookies that have your future written inside them!" Ed looked childish with excitement.

"You need a cookie to tell you that?" Roy scoffed. "I could tell you for free. 'you will be short and miserable'."

Al sniggered from the backseat and Ed frowned. "Normally I would yell at you for that, but I wanna go to the High Market. So can we go?"

"Yes. IF you two stay close to me and we don't take long."

"Score!" Ed pumped his fist in the air, looking excited.

"What do you want to get shopping, Colonel?" Al asked.

Mustang shrugged. "Trash bags, milk, butter, eggs, bread, jam."

"Boring stuff." Ed added.

Roy pulled into the shopping center. "You say that, but I don't see you complaining when we eat dinner."

"Can we get Mac n' cheese?"

"Yes, we can get a few boxes."

"Can we get frozen burritos and ramen?"

Roy wrinkled his nose. Ever since Ed moved in with them, he'd realized the kid seemed to live off microwaved food.

"Yes, a couple. But you need to eat a vegetable every once in awhile." he got out of the car, and Ed did the same.

"Well excuse me for being too busy to go harvest nature's bounty." Ed scoffed.

"Guys!" Al called from the back, muffled by the car doors.

"What's up, Al?" Roy turned around to see Al still strapped into the back seat, his large hands struggling with the seatbelts.

"Can you unbuckle me? I'm stuck!?"

LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK

"Okay, this actually isn't so bad." Roy had his list nearly halfway completed. Ed insisted on standing on the bottom rack of the cart and holding onto the back to ride it, but Al was pushing, so Roy couldn't complain. And Al was tall enough to reach everything on the top shelf.

"Ed- name something that isn't microwaved that you'll eat."

"Peanut butter sandwhich."

"Done." Roy grabbed a jar of peanut butter off the shelf and tossed it into the cart.

"Fruits and vegetables you like?"

"Fruitsnacks!" Ed looked excited, pointing at a large box. "Those are the best, Mom used to get those for me!"

"Yeah I remember those." Al sounded excited as well.

It melted Roy's resolve. Just a little. He picked up the box. It said it was amde with real fruit juice. That was close enough to a fruit, wasn't it? If Trisha Elric had bought them for the boys, they couldn't be horrible.

"Okay. Fine. But REAL fruits, now."

"I don't have time for real fruits. I'm constantly running around to headquarters or the library." Ed complained.

Roy couldn’t argue with the kid. He was pretty busy. But still, that wasn't an excuse to live out of vending machines.

"Alright, so how about a grab and go snack. You like applesauce?"

"Yeah."

Roy snagged a box of applesauce pouches and threw it into the cart, then kept going. He just had to make sure Ed didn't realize they gave those applesauce pouches to toddlers commonly. Because he doubted Ed would care enough to grab a spoon or a more traditional applesauce cup.

"What about yogurt?" Roy asked.

Ed narrowed his eyes. "Milk." he groused from where he was holding onto the cart.

"Cheese sticks?" Roy held up the package enticingly.

"Okay." Ed acquiesced. "It doesn't taste like milk."

They were just about done shopping- the only thing left was to get coffee.

Roy started off towards the aisle but stopped when he realized Al wasn't following pushing the cart.

The boy was looking at a duster in the cleaning aisle. "Throw it in the cart, Al. I'll dust your armor off tonight if you want." he said. Al couldn't really eat, but it wasn't fair to exclude the boy from shopping.

"Thank you!"

"It's nothing. Let's get going. I want to hit the yellow market before it gets too late.".

LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK

It got dark early in the fall. So even though it was only a little after 5, dusk was setting in on the city as he and the boys parked alongside the street in the nicer part of town and walked towards the yellow market.

Ed had an excited bounce in his step at the prospect of fortune cookies, and Al was hoping to find stray cats.

The warm glow of streetlights faded as they entered the rougher neighborhood of town- a block or so was dark, before the hanging string lights and colorful candle lanterns lit up the street.

The barren streets of central melted into a new landscape of men shouting about wares in a Xingese tongue. Men with cone-shaped hates and women in flowing garb, as well as children and stray dogs ran though the streets, adding to the commotion and the smells and sights of the market.

People were selling vibrant flowers, roast seafood on sticks, and a variety of meat and pastries.

One market stall had a variety of little animals made of colored paper, and Alphonse stopped to look.

The children stopped running and playing with their sticks and hoops when they saw Edward and stared, whispering among themselves.

Roy wondered if they recognized him as the Fullmetal Alchemist or not. Normally children were enthralled by Alphonse and his armor, not Edward...

A cold wind blew, rustling the paper lanterns and scattering the children. They took off down various alleyways and down the street.

It unnerved Roy, for some reason.

Ed had found the shop he was looking for- an old woman selling the cookies he wanted.

She shakily bagged them up for him and they chatted as he got out his money to pay her.

Alphonse squatted to set a stray cat near the mouth of an alley.

The quiet suddenly struck Roy as odd. The market callers had stopped shouting about their wares and people had stopped chattering. Mothers took their children and went to other stalls further away from them.

A woman ran into Roy and fell, scattering her things on the ground.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed, her angular Xingese eyes drawing him in.

"No, not a problem at all." Roy bent to help her pick up her scattered items, though he couldn't stop the hairs of unease form standing up on the back of his neck.

As they both picked up the fallen items from the ground, the woman leaned closer to him, eyes wide. "You must leave now. They will come for the boy. Men offer lot of money for him. Children go get men- they take boy."

Roy froze for a moment, before he nodded, handing her one of the items he'd been picked up and straightening.

"Edward! Al!"

Ed had paid for his cookies- the old woman at the shop had somehow given him a large stick of candy as well and was patting him on the head.

"What?" Ed asked, looking annoyed at the interruption.

"We're going. Now." his voice left no room for argument, and Ed fell into step beside him and Al as they headed back the way they came.

"But we just got here." Ed complained.

"You got your cookies. Now let's go."

He couldn't shake the feeling they were being watched, though they got home that night without incident.

Yes- I know that in cannon the year is like 1920. I just like to imagine Roy taking his boys to walmart. I don’t know why, but it’s a balm for my soul.

Obligatory ko-fi link here; https://ko-fi.com/fluffykitty12 .

#fma #fma fanfiction #Fullmetal Alchemist #fullmetal alchimist brotherhood #Roy Mustang #edward elric #Parental Roy #parentalroy #whumph #whump #hurt/comfort #hurt #comfort #dogofthemilitary #injury

8 notes · View notes

velvetmel0n · 4 years

Note

u know i love me some grown man dick but rn im thinking of MEAN grown man dick... whether its with the colonel or SANTI?!? just imagining them having a rough day and then theyre home and the only thing on their mind is to blow ur back out. just imagining u, with ur legs up on their shoulders and them just FUCKING DRILLING INTO U.. AND WITH THEIR CHAIN NECKLACE HANGING ABOVE U.. im gonna vomit this is so hot 🥵🥴 send ask.

We’re starting the morning off with a bang, folks.

Carrillo surges, coming at you like a siege and overwhelming you in the best way. With Carrillo there’s nowhere for you to go, no reprieve to carve out for yourself because once he’s got you in bed he’s hunching over you, folding you into a pretzel to get as close as possible. Bracing his forearms on either side of your head so the force of his hips snapping into your own doesn’t push you up the mattress and away from him. He needs you as close as possible, needs to see the way your face twists with pleasure and how you try to drag him even closer. Afterwards your thighs are trembling and he’s smoothing your hair down, sweeping his hands over you while your legs slip from his shoulders. You’ll feel him the next day and you drop kisses over his face, cuddling him into your chest.

Santiago will make you whine and beg for him, systematically taking you apart with his mouth and hands for what feels like ages before he slides home, one arm wrapped around your thigh to make sure it stays in place, knee hooked over his shoulder and keeping you split open for him. He’ll lean over you, mouth roving over your chest and your neck, never straying far because he needs to hear all the sounds you’re making to keep himself grounded. Like with Carrillo you’ll gather him close afterwards, murmuring assurances that you’re more than okay and nuzzling his cheek as you both come down.

@pascalplease

#santiago garcia headcanons #carrillo headcanons #anon #answered

44 notes · View notes

presumenothing · 4 years

Text

FICTOBER 2020 – PROMPTS #01 TO #05 – WTNV/FMA AU – GEN, NO WARNINGS

📻 PREVIOUSLY ON: episode one – pilot

“NO, COME BACK, said the spider to the fly, but we all know how the rest of that story goes.

“Welcome to Resembool.”

“TODAY, THERE IS THIS: a story about someone.

“This information is less helpful than you might think. All stories are about someone, in the singular or plural or uncountable. It’s what makes them stories, instead of disparate collections of facts and events loosely coiled about some narrative anchor.”

“HERE, THEN, are the particular someones this story concerns itself with – a man who is not large, and a man who is not small.

“Of course, this is only one way of describing them, and not even the one most people might use. Truth is not often equivalent to relevance, but for the purposes of this story it is close enough anyway.

“The man who is not large sits at a desk with a phone. The scene is not much different to anyone else sitting at a desk with a phone, and indeed not much different from his usual behaviour at all, except that he is frowning.

“This is, in turn, because his calls are not getting through.”

“AT THIS MOMENT, the man who is not small arrives. There is very little in common in the way of physical appearance between these two men, save for the possibility that if you ignore everything else about the situation, you might quite understandably think that both of their faces are made for smiling.

“Neither one is smiling now. The man who is not small crouches a little when entering the room, as some people who are not small are wont to do. No luck, sir? he asks.

“No luck, the man who is not large agrees, but not in a way that is frustrated.

“Or rather – it is true that he is frustrated, but that is not the most relevant thing. He taps his fingers, looks to the ceiling, and thinks.”

“WE CUT BRIEFLY AWAY from this story to the community classifieds.

“Item: Curtis Butchers is looking to hire an additional staff. The job requires comfort around cleavers and other large knives, but not butchery experience since you will find yourself learning rapidly on the job, and anyway that’s the easy part. What’s the hard part? Wouldn’t you like to know. To apply, head down to the store and challenge one person to arm wrestling. Who you choose will be the first part of your interview. Good luck!

“Item: Ice-cream truck found in the parking lot of Dark Owl Records, vacant but in good condition. If this is yours, contact Rebecca Catalina, owner of Dark Owl Records. If this is not yours, but you are interested, maybe contact her anyway. She has some interesting ideas about a joint venture of sorts.”

“AND FINALLY – item: Base to Phoenix, town square, ten o’clock. That’s… literally all this last sheet of paper says. No clue what that’s about, but doubtless the recipient must have understood the message anyway.

“This has been the community classifieds.”

“AND NOW, WE RETURN TO the story at hand.

“…so I figured it was worth a try, the man who is not large is saying to the man who is not small. I have a theory that– never mind, we’ll know if it’s true or not based on how this pans out.

“The man who is not small does not say anything aloud in response to this statement. The contemplative silence is uncharacteristic of him, or at least how people usually perceive him, but then again everything they are doing now is uncharacteristic of how people usually perceive them.”

“PERCEPTION, AS IT HAPPENS, can often be neither relevant nor true.

“He’s going to kill me if this actually goes through, the man who is not large remarks, in a manner all too cavalier for such a comment. Ringing him up just to talk his ear off.

“That didn’t stop you before, the man who is not small observes.

“The man who is not large laughs. It really hasn’t, yeah. But who wouldn’t be happy to hear my dulcet tones? Or, more importantly… the news of my beloved wife and lovely daughter!”

“THE MAN WHO IS NOT SMALL studies the stack of photographs that have been thrust in his face. She really is growing up well, he says, and this impression at least is true if not particularly relevant.

“Although it is very relevant to the man who is not large, judging by the breadth of his grin. You’re a good man, Major. Ever consider having kids yourself?”

“LET’S PAUSE HERE AND TAKE A LOOK at traffic.

“There is a woman. We will call her Emma, and I won’t tell you if that is her real name – or more accurately I can’t, for reasons that will soon become clear.

“Emma came to this town just over two years ago, bringing only her daughter with her. Old Woman Pinako, smoking a pipe on her porch near the car lot, would see her arrival and think privately that it seemed more like a fleeing.

“Then she would extinguish her pipe and come forward to offer assistance anyway. They would not form any kind of instant trust, because Old Woman Pinako had been right in her guess, but both are practical women, in the way that you tended to get when you are adjacent to someone who practices alchemy.”

“BUT THAT WAS THE PAST. This is now.

“Now, Emma listens to the radio, hears about the newcomers to town, and worries. Her daughter is older, now, and I will tell you nothing about her either, besides that she has brown braids and blue eyes and a smile like the sun. Sometimes, she plays happily with the dog that welcomes her at Rockbell Automail, like Den reminds her of a family pet she was too young to remember.

“Sometimes, out the corner of Emma’s eye, her daughter bears a different form, like she is not sure what shape she should have when no one is looking. Sometimes it reminds her of the shadowed shapes she saw in the basement lab, the ones her husband only smiled about when she asked, scared and desperate and furious: you did this? Is this also what you’re planning to do to me, to N–

“And so Emma wonders if she got them away from her husband quickly enough, and worries if the newcomers are looking to bring her back. If they suspect what her husband, the alchemist, had been trying to do.”

“THE GENERAL ANSWER TO ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS is that she did what she had to, and will continue to do so. The specific answers are yes, probably no, and no.

“The real answer is that none of these answers will be enough to reassure her, but at least they might help.

“This has been traffic. And now, the weather.”

“SO THAT’S THE WEATHER FORECAST FOR this coming week, but perhaps there was something you were more keen to hear about. A phone call, perhaps.

“Alas, listeners, I’m afraid I don’t much news for you on that front. You see, there are municipal regulations requiring enclosed booths around payphones to prevent undue weather damage to the equipment. As such, when the phone in the town square rang at ten, and a man stopped to answer it, there was a door he could pull closed behind him.

“However, the regulations say nothing about making the booth proof against eavesdropping, only rain, and so some parts of his words still drifted out anyway, stolen snatches of half a conversation: why did we let you choose the codenames? and yes, Eagle is fine, just itching to shoot something and I’ll report in as soon as I have something to–

“THIS LAST PART is said with forehead pressed against glass, eyes scanning the darkened streets outside, and presumably this is related to the way he stops suddenly, mid-sentence. A hurried murmur, too low to even guess at, and then he is hanging up and stepping out, pushing the door open.

“Who’s there? the man asks, measured in the way of someone who expects to be answered, and the words do not hang suspended in the night for long before a figure steps out of the shadows, hood drawn down around his shoulders.”

“THE MAN’S STANCE changes completely: he stiffens, and his tone is no longer measured when he says Marcoh? What are you doing here?

“It’s Mauro, the Sheriff replies, pulling his customary hood back up, and I could ask you the same thing, Lieutenant Colonel.

“It’s Colonel, actually, the man corrects, but not in a way that is actually meant to be a correction. I told everyone when we first arrived, it’s just for surveillance.

“The Sheriff says nothing, but the silence is loud enough anyway: that answer was unacceptable, try again.

“They’re planning something, and this town is standing in their way. Either it submits, or– you know what they’ll do. I can’t let that happen again, he finishes with an urgency that makes the words sound true, and relevant, and completely opaque to anyone else.”

“BUT THAT IS ONLY TO BE EXPECTED. This has been a story about someone, after all, none of which are us, and just because something is true and relevant to you does not guarantee that you will understand it at all.

“Stay tuned next for the crackling jingle of a blue truck parked by a records store, and the worried weight of a mother tucking her daughter in while wondering what will come tomorrow.

“Good night, Resembool. Good night.”

📻 TODAY’S PROVERB:

There are many things in this world worth an arm and a leg. If it’s not your own, at least.

(AO3)

happy inaugural fma day to me, and yes i’m celebrating it by putting out 100% self-indulgent content that is only borderline recognisable as fma because i can!! this also serves as a somewhat nonstandard fill to the first five fictober prompts, one for each section of the episode. i had to contort pretzels around myself putting some of them in, but it was a fun challenge anyway

this episode’s weather (which is arbitrarily decided by which 80s song is currently stuck in my head) was “eye in the sky” by the alan parsons project

characters introduced this episode, for those keeping score at home: maes as the man who is not large (who codenamed roy and riza as phoenix and eagle respectively for this op), alex as the man who is not small, curtis butchers as big rico’s, rebecca catalina as michelle nguyen, ex-mrs tucker pseudonym emma and nina as alive and well because to hell with shou tucker, and last but not least – marcoh as the sheriff of night vale, just because

#fictober20 #welcome to resembool #fma day #fma #fmab #wtnv #fanfiction #mine #the story about you episodes have always been fascinating to me #so here's a variation on that #me frantically texting anthrop: HEY I FIGURED OUT THE PLOT #that was a lie. there is no plot #only chaos

18 notes · View notes