All I Want For Christmas Is You Chapter 5 ~Rollover Rollo~
Previously in Revelations and Snogs
"You want to see me again?" she teased, smiling.
"I dinnae even want to leave ye tonight."
She dropped her head down to hide the heat creeping up her face. "I'll see what's Annalise is up to and we'll take it from there. I'll either call you or send a message."
He placed a finger under her chin and tipped her face up. "Ye're not mad I kissed ye? I havenae forgotten yer rules about first dates."
Claire picked up the gift bags, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. And then she smiled. "I'm starting to believe the rules don't apply to you. Good night, Jamie." And with that, she turned around and walked towards the cottage without looking back, knowing full well Jamie was still stood there waiting for her until she'd safely made it to the house.
Once inside, she allowed herself to slide down to the floor and relived the memory of their first kiss. And she sat there for a very long time.
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Yawning, he stretched himself until his joints popped. When he glanced at his bedside clock, he realised it was only seven a.m. As per usual, Jamie hardly slept a wink, but this time around, he didn't feel depleted nor on edge. If anything, he felt refreshed and energised. There was nowhere to rush to as his and his brother's business was closed for the holidays; nevertheless, he decided to get up and feed his dog, Rollo and get a few moments alone before the day started.
Most nights, he'd wake up to his own cries, his body drenched in perspiration and he'd find himself on the floor on his knees, breathing heavily as the feeling of panic took over. Raw terror and uncontrollable fear would course through his body, blurring his surroundings and any coherent thoughts. His only primary focus would be to fight for air, attempting to slow his breathing as his heart furiously pounded out of rhythm, making it seem like it was about to explode in his chest. He didn't have any idea how long the attacks took, only that it happened most nights and in loud, overly-crowded places.
Last night had been different though. Instead of visions of horrors that plagued his dreams, he'd tossed and turned in his bed thinking of Claire. Images of her and their night together preoccupied his mind causing all sorts of emotions to poke his heart. Unknowingly, she'd gently nudged his past out of him which was a rare occurrence, as he seldom talked about it to anyone other than his older brother. It had been so easy to confide, and it came as natural as breathing. In such a short time, she'd kindled something inside him he hadn't known breathed, and made him feel alive again. When she'd heard his story, there were none of the affected looks of horror or sympathy he'd expected, nor did she give him any special treatment. She'd shared her thoughts with a silent understanding and compassion and moved on as if she knew they were treading over a delicate subject.
Shoving his duvet aside, Jamie padded to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, relishing the warm stinging spray on his skin. Minutes later, after towelling off, he put on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a hoodie. He hummed under his breath as he walked into the kitchen, knowing there was a lot to look forward to. Mainly spending time with Claire again. Feeling optimistic, he was grateful for the blessed respite from his night time terrors and counted himself lucky.
After all, he was the lucky one, wasn't he?
He was alive, and he'd dodged the bullets.
Simon MacKimmie hadn't.
And he'd broken his promise.
He went over the scenario again, wondering if he'd just been a little quicker, shaving a few precious minutes, would Simon still be alive today?
As for his friend's wife, had he given up too soon on Laoghaire? He hadn't stayed around to find out and hear the rest of the story after the lass admitted to cheating. Maybe he should have talked to her and listened to her side of the account, instead of speculating why she did what she did. If he'd done that, would it have absolved him of his guilt?
He knew it was futile to keep rehashing the past events in his head. He'd already decided the best way forward was to embrace the natural process of grief and guilt even though his therapist wanted him to use every textbook solution that was out there and take the prescribed pills to dull the pain. He wasn't a fan of medication that you popped into the mouth and believed in a more organic healing approach which was why he came home to stay, surrounded by familiar faces in an environment he loved. Even if he would recover, he knew he couldn't go back to his old life as a part of him had died with Simon.
The sound of scrambling paws on the wooden floor brought him out of his reflections. His furry housemate and companion, Rollo, appeared around the corner and headed straight for him.
"Hiya mate, sae sorry was late last night." He patted the husky's head to smooth the white-grey fur, and in return, he got a gentle lick and prod with a wet snout to his hand. "I met a lass down at the pub and hardly noticed the time. Her name is Claire. I think ye'll like her."
Rollo's grey eyes flashed with understanding. "We'll go for a run later as soon as I know what she's up to. But first, coffee for me while ye go and do yer business."
Rollo cocked his head and nodded.
He opened the backdoor kitchen to let the dog out as a blast of chilly wind caused him to shiver, but Rollo only twitched his nose, barked twice, and ran off.
He laughed out loud at Rollo's outright joy of freedom, racing over to the grass to a favourite tree, and doing laps around the gnarled trunk and then disappearing behind the shed. A deep sense of peace settled over him as he closed the door behind him and turned on his coffee machine. His cottage might be small, and his yard less than half an acre, but he'd managed to create a home on his own terms.
Rollo had been Willie's idea after he was diagnosed with PTSD. His brother believed, human and animal bonding could help alleviate the aftermath of his trauma and aide with his healing. Willie was right. When Rollo had walked out of the rescue centre and into his arms, it had been love at first sight, and they'd been constant companions ever since. Rollo would soothe him when he had one of his episodes, the low whimper and touch of fur and wetness pressed against the side of his head calming him down in the dead of night. Laoghaire hadn't like the idea of the dog near her, but keeping Rollo was something he remained adamant about.
Jamie headed towards the pantry, grabbed a sack of dog food and filled the doggy bowl with biscuits, ready for when Rollo returned from his morning business. As he brought his coffee over to the table, he checked his phone. There were a few messages from his shinty teammates asking about Claire, probably prodded by their wives or girlfriends, eager to hear some juicy news to gossip about.
He remembered catching some side-eyed looks as he and Claire had browsed through the stalls at the Christmas market last night and it was only a matter of time before everyone knew and started asking questions. When the phone rang, he quickly grabbed it. It was his brother-in-law, Ian. Ah, fuck! It meant Jenny must have heard.
Knowing there was no avoiding it, Jamie answered his phone. "Hey, aren't ye up way too early on holiday? How's the weather in the south of France?"
Ian chuckled. "Never mind that. I'm calling to give ye a heads up."
"On what?" he asked casually, pretending not to know what Ian was on about as he sipped his coffee.
"Mary called Jenny last night, and they were on speaker, so heard the whole thing. Mary gave Jenny a rundown about the lassie ye were out with yesterday."
He ran a hand down his face. "Nosey git! Why does everyone have to know about my business or take an interest?"
"Aye, I said so too myself. Anyway, thought I'd let ye know. I told Jenny already no' to interfere with yer affairs, but ye ken what yer sister is like. She's worried about ye ..." Ian paused before letting out a sigh. "So go easy on her if she asks too many questions."
Jamie pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll be gentle, but I'm still telling her how it is. I'm a thirty-year-old man for God's sake, and I dinnae need her telling me how to run my life."
"Aye, I know. So, what's up with the lass?"
Jamie groaned. "Nought! I just met her last night. Went out for a few drinks and then I dropped her at Mrs Fitz's."
"Good. Like what ye said, it's naebody's business."
"Aye, remind yer wife that, please."
Ian laughed. "Telling her that would be like talking to a brick wall. Okay, got to go. I think Jenny just woke up. Talk soon ..."
The call ended.
Jamie let out a long breath. Jenny's friend must have mentioned about Claire being from London. His sister remembered only too well what had happened to him last time he was in a city.
He'd been in Glasgow to visit a mate and was nearly in an accident after he had one of his episodes while crossing a junction. He'd fallen on to his knees, putting traffic into a standstill, while passersby thought he was just another city junkie, going off his nuts. He'd hoped his fits were behind him, but it seemed they lurked in the background like the monsters under the bed that had kept him up at night waiting for the right time to pounce. If it hadn't been for the kind middle-aged English man, called Harry, stopping to his aid, he wondered what would have happened. Harry had taken him to the hospital, called his family, took his number and then disappeared.
Once in a while, he would get a call from Harry to check up on his well-being, but every time they talked, Jamie forgot to ask for the man's number, as it didn't show on his phone. It would have been good to know where the Englishman lived so he could send a Christmas card or a souvenir from Scotland. His parents had insisted on inviting Harry to Lallybroch, and every time he relayed the message, the man politely refused.
Jamie let out a resigned breath through his nose and refilled his cup with coffee. Jenny was right about one thing she'd kept on about to him. He wouldn't be able to survive in the city for more than a few hours. But where did that leave his chances of forging a relationship with Claire, the only woman to ever affect him the way she did? He was unsuitable for the outside world, and everyone in Broch Mordha knew it.
He knew Claire was aware of their attraction by the way she often blushed at his teasing and subtly responded to his kiss last night but would that be enough to convince her to stay? Could she envision herself staying for an unforeseeable future to find out what it was between them? What would that mean for her career? Her dreams? It was early days yet, and they'd only just met. She was here until the Three Kings, and that's if she managed to persuade Annalise to stay and anything could happen between now and then.
He browsed the internet in his laptop, scanning through headline news and answering a few emails. After a while, he wondered where his dog was. Normally, he would be scratching at the door by now, wanting his breakfast. Maybe he got distracted by a critter and went off running across the field. He thought he'd give his dog a few more minutes and then he would go out and look. He had another cup of coffee and answered a few text messages all the while checking the time. He was just tying his running shoes when his phone chirped. He glanced at the screen and smiled.
Claire: Good morning! If I woke you up, I'm terribly sorry. But I did say I would send you a message. So here I am texting you.
He quickly toed off his shoes, grabbed his coffee and went to the living room. Cup in his hand, he settled himself down on the sofa with a grin.
Jamie: I'm up. May I call you?
Claire: Of course.
He placed his coffee on the table, hit the phone icon and pressed the phone to his ear. "G'morning Sassenach. Did ye sleep well?" he asked when Claire picked up.
She groaned. "Not really. I might have over-indulged with the alcohol last night. I slept fitfully."
"Were ye thinking about the kiss?" He leaned back on the sofa, put his arm behind his head and smiled.
She didn't respond, but he heard something rustling. There must have been an eye-roll in the ensuing pause.
"Was it that bad, huh?"
"No! I ...was ... I'm sorry, I was trying to unwrap something. Anyway, Annalise hasn't shown up yet."
He knew she was trying to avoid the question and decided not to push. "Oh! Have ye tried calling her?"
"She called already, and she told me she's fine. She stayed in Lallybroch with Willie. She said no taxis were running late at night, and they hadn't noticed the time and your brother couldn't drive because he's had a bit to drink. From what I gathered, Lallybroch is your family home, right?"
That canny bastard! Willie knew taxis didn't come to Lallybroch after ten p.m. and with his parents staying for the night at his aunt Jocasta's house and his sister and brother-in-law away on holiday in the south of France, Willie and Annalise had the manor house to themselves. "Aye, it is our family home," he finally answered. "It's where I grew up. Was Annalise annoyed?"
"Annoyed?" She sounded surprised. "Why should she be annoyed?"
"Weel, she was stuck in the middle of nowhere with my brother, and they've just met. I figured the situation might have unnerved her. "
"No, she wasn't annoyed. If anything, she sounded chipper and was quite chatty. She's normally a morning grump." And then she laughed. "I think having your driving licences sent to Geillis put her mind at ease and felt safe enough to go with your brother. As I did with you too." She said the last sentence almost shyly and quietly.
"I'm glad." Jamie let out a sigh of relief but not before he moved the phone away. He knew he would have been at a disadvantage if Annalise had been miffed about being stranded in Lallybroch. Not that his family's home was far, but it was slightly isolated from the village, and it was two and a half miles away. Without proper street lighting between Lallybroch and Broch Mordha and the temperatures freezing, it would have been an uncomfortable walk back. Fingers-crossed, he hoped Willie and Annalise were getting along fine because it would mean Claire's friend would agree to stay here for their holidays. "So what are yer plans today?"
"Hmmm ...let me see ..."
Her tone was playful, and he could envision a pretty blush creeping from her neck and fanning out to her face. "I hope I'm included in those plans."
"Don't fret. You are." He heard a smile in her voice. "I'm just waiting for Annalise to finally show her face, so I have a clear idea of how the day is supposed to pan out."
He grinned. "Good. Did Annalise tell you what they've been up to?"
"Oh, yes." Jamie heard shuffling in the background again and wondered if she was still in bed and what she was wearing. "She told me they had a quiet evening playing a board game and drinking red wine. Sounds like we had a more exciting evening."
"A board game?"
"Yes. It's funny, really when I think about it. Annalise is more likely to hang out in a crowded place until late. I can't believe she missed the karaoke that was posted in the pub. She loves to sing, and she really has a good voice and ..."
Grabbing his cup, he took a sip of coffee and cleared his throat. "What kind of board game?"
"Umm ...let me think. Annalise said it belongs to your sister and her husband and it sounded something like Monopoly. She said they played for hours."
He almost choked on his coffee. Ah, fuck ...Willie!
"You alright?"
"A-aye." He was glad Claire couldn't see the heat spreading across his face. "C-coffee went in the wrong passage," he managed to say.
She let out an adorable giggle, and he heard more shuffling and rustling sound on her end. "Anyway, she kind of explained it roughly and said it has cards and dice. So that's probably why I thought of Monopoly. Hey, maybe we could play it with them. What do you think?"
Ah, bloody hell! "It's Monogamy ..." he wheezed, putting his cup down on the table and thumping his chest.
Ah, Jesus Christ! Monogamy board game was a two-player game played by couples with raunchy questions and challenges. He'd found it one night in the hallway cupboard when his family had friends over and was looking for Trivial Pursuit for a night of indoor entertainment. It was hidden behind the stack of other games covered in cloth and labelled "Jenny's and Ian's - Do Not Touch." He hadn't realised Willie knew about it. The thought of him and Claire playing it made him hot. He wondered what Claire would think if she knew what it really was.
"Hang on a minute!" He took a few breaths and gulped down the rest of his drink. When he was sure his voice sounded normal again, he grabbed his phone and spoke. "Have ye had breakfast?" he asked, not bothering to answer Claire's question. "I can make us something in a jiffy. I haven't had anything to eat yet."
"Oh, thanks, but I'm having one right now with this handsome chap ..."
He jolted forward and straightened up. "I beg yer pardon?" Is she teasing me, or is she having breakfast with another bloke while talking to me?
"Oh, um, I'm with a company, actually and I'm waiting for Mrs Fitz to see what we could do about this situation. You see, I got up early, and I read in one of Mrs Fitz's pamphlet, Baker's Dozen was open at seven. So I went for a walk and bought some croissants. On the way back, I met this gorgeous looking fella with the most beautiful grey eyes, and he looked hungry and was following me, so I invited him to have breakfast ..."
"Sassenach!"
"Wot?"
Are ye bloody kidding me? "Ye cannae just invite someone ye dinnae ken to breakfast just because he looked hungry ..."
"Don't be daft ...he's a charming, cuddly, adorable looking boy."
"Sassenach ..." His voice sounded whiny to his ears. Ah, fuck! He wondered who she was having breakfast with, and his mind was already racing, trying to think who could possibly have followed Claire. When he couldn't think of anyone, he shot to his feet and started to shove them back into his running shoes. "I'm coming over right now."
"No, you're not."
"Why not?"
"I'm in my bathrobe."
His heart started to beat faster. Is this woman who I happen to really like deliriously mad? "Wh-what? Ye went to the baker's in yer bathrobe?"
"No, silly! It's too cold to be wandering about in a bathrobe. When I got back, I made myself comfortable and dressed down. I have a bath running and will take one soon. But meanwhile, I'm having a bit of breakfast. The water pressure here is not too great, and it's taking ages for the tub to fill up. Don't worry, my guest is very well behaved."
"Behaved?"
"Yeah, he occasionally likes to lick my hand but other than that, he's actually quite mild-mannered."
"Who's with ye, Sassenach?" he asked in a low voice, as he got up from the sofa and made his way to the kitchen. He looked out the window, and when he couldn't see Rollo, he began to grow suspicious.
"Hang on a minute, there's a tag attached to his collar. Umm ...let's see, what do we have here? His name is Rollo."
"That's my dog!"
She let out a throaty laugh. "Oh, that's fine then! I'll keep him with me until I'm done with my bath. And then I'll bring him over to you."
"Why didn't ye tell me it's a dog ye're with?"
"Did I not? I'm sorry I was distracted feeding him croissant with butter. I hope that's alright with you."
"I thought you were having breakfast with another man in yer bathrobe!" His voice held a slightly accusatory tone.
"Well, you thought wrong. So, you're alright with Rollo having croissant with butter? He seems to love it."
He counted backwards, starting from ten, and when he was done, he almost laughed out loud. Knowing Claire didn't mind having his dog around her, made him like her even more. "Aye, that's alright, Sassenach. A wee treat once in a while, never did him harm. Speaking of treats, I could use one too actually."
"What did you have in mind?"
"I'm coming over to tell ye." And then he hung up before she could respond and made a dash out of the door.
Dear Readers,
I hope you've enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it. I made a massive effort to finish it tonight as I really want certain parts of the story to coincide with Christmas. It was a huge challenge, but I got there in the end. The rest of this story is is outlined and ready to be written, and I'm quite excited about it. All I need is to make it come alive in my storytelling. I'm so chuffed about some certain elements (sorry not going to divulge) that I have come up with, I had a proper good girly squeal earlier. Now that I have said it, I hope I haven't set the expectation too high. Just needed to overshare my excitement. haha!
Anyway, thanks muchly for your feedback, kudos and love for the previous chapter. Sending you back best wishes and hope you're all well and healthy. Take care for now. x
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Sweater Weather
Pascal Dumais = Dumo
Finn O’Hara = Harzy
Logan Tremblay = Tremzy, Lo
Leo Knut = Knutty, Nut
Thomas Walker = Talker
Kasey Winter = The Blizzard
James Potter = Pots, Potty
chapter xi
The wind as the team got off the plane in Winnipeg hit Remus like a wall of ice. He pulled his coat tighter around himself and bent his head against the sting of snow.
“This is why it isn’t fun!” he heard Kasey shout from somewhere behind him and couldn’t help but laugh as he stepped onto the bus. He nodded at the driver and slung his bag from his shoulder, shoving it in one of the overhead racks before sliding into a seat near the front. Remus shivered, tugging off his coat and stuffing it between himself and the window as a barrier from the cold leaking through the glass. He gathered his sweater over his hands and tucked one knee against his chest, watching the team load the bus. There was a lot of yawning and shuffling. Remus accepted a tired head pat from Pascal, and returned a little salute from Finn, before Sirius appeared up the bus steps.
He was rubbing one eye, beanie low around his ears and looking sleek in his dark gray, wool coat. Remus tilted his cheek on his knee and watched Sirius’ eyes find his. He blinked for a minute and then stopped walking abruptly, causing Logan to bump into his back forehead first.
“Quoi?” Logan grumbled.
Sirius jolted a step forward again. “Sorry.”
He sent Remus a smile before sliding into the seat beside James a few rows back.
Coach was the last one on. He shook hands with the driver, then clapped for attention.
“Alright, boys. Sleep while you can, okay? We’ll get to the hotel late, it’s a bit of a drive, and I’m making morning skate mandatory tomorrow.”
There were some groans and Arthur smiled wryly before sitting back down with some of the assistant coaches.
When they arrived at the hotel it was almost two in the morning and, knowing he had to get up at five, Remus took his new room key and booked it to the elevator. He rode up with Kris and Evgeni, and, once he had safely waved goodnight to them and closed the door, he stripped out of all his clothes and took his toothbrush to the bathroom. He was dead tired, but also half hoping that Sirius would show up at his door. Sure enough, he was turning his lights off and tugging a t-shirt and sweatpants on when there was a very quiet knock at his door. He smiled as he looked through the peephole. There was Sirius, looking large and looming in the fish-eyed glass, hands in his pockets and looking down the hallway both ways.
Remus opened the door, and they were quiet until it was safely shut behind them.
“Again,” Remus said. “Not careful.”
“Guess I’m bad at that,” Sirius said, and leaned in for a sweet kiss. “I won’t stay long,” he said as he walked into Remus’ room. “I just sort of…”
Remus laughed as Sirius flopped on the bed on his back. He smiled and beckoned Remus closer with his socked foot.
“Just want to hang out,” he said, and turned on his side once Remus laid down on the bed, too. “Ça va?”
Remus shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, tired.” He laughed, “Cold.”
“I can warm you up,” Sirius said, yawning and pulling Remus into his chest at the same time. He was wearing a thick Lions sweatshirt and Remus buried his nose into Sirius’ chest, tucking his arms between them.
“Are you sleeping here?”
“Probably shouldn’t.”
“Yeah.”
Sirius snorted. “We sound so convincing.”
Remus laughed. “We do.” He untucked his chin and tilted his head back to look up at Sirius. “Hey.”
Sirius hummed questioningly and looked down at Remus, leaning in to kiss him on the corner of his mouth.
“I know it’s been a few days, but…how are you with the Regulus thing?”
“You mean have I heard anything?”
“No,” Remus said firmly, pressing a palm over Sirius’ chest. “I mean how are you.”
Sirius sighed, pressing his lips to Remus’ forehead for a moment, thinking. he rolled on his back and Remus propped himself on one elbow, hand resting on Sirius’ chest. Sirius put his over Remus’, tangling their fingers together.
“My mother calls me,” he said slowly. “She’s mad I don’t defend Regulus to the media, what they’re saying about him. Bad sportsmanship, jealous…I mean, you’ve read everything.”
Remus had. He’d read everything.
“That’s fucked up,” Remus said. “Really.”
“Yeah,” Sirius said quietly, eyes staring up at the ceiling, fingers idly tracing over the back of Remus’ hand. “I texted him.”
Regulus, Remus figured.
“He didn’t respond,” Sirius finished. “I’m not surprised.”
“I’m sorry.”
Sirius shook his head, looking at Remus then and smiling—if not a little sadly. “At least I’m free for Christmas. My mother couldn’t talk me down for that. We have Dumo’s party. Is your family coming?”
Remus nodded. “Yeah. They’ll actually be at the last game before we break.”
Sirius’ smile lit up. “Yes? Rangers? Julian, too?”
Remus laughed, heart warming. “You love Julian.”
“Yeah,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “He’s a good little brother.”
Remus pressed his hand to Sirius’ cheek. “Aw, Pads.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Sirius said. “It’s nice, to have someone like that. I mean, not that he’s mine to have.”
“I’m pretty sure he would love to be yours.”
Sirius smiled, head tilting against the quilt. He ran his knuckles up Remus’ side lightly. “Just him?”
Remus laughed. “No. You know that.” Remus kissed his cheek. “But seriously, what are you going to do for Christmas?”
“Dumo’s,” Sirius snorted, drumming patterns on Remus’ back absentmindedly. “He didn’t even say hello to me after we got back from break, he just told me to be prepared to wear matching pajamas Christmas morning and walked away.”
Remus smiled. “That sounds like Pascal.”
“Yes, it does.”
Remus fiddled with the ties of Sirius’ sweatshirt as they sat, just enjoying each other after a long day. Sirius was scrolling through instagram on his phone, periodically showing something to Remus. Remus tucked his head against Sirius’ neck, enjoying Sirius fingers beneath his shirt, lightly running patterns along his back.
“This is funny, look,” Sirius said sleepily. It was a video of two boys playing hockey with a water balloon, and the loser got it slap-shot in his face.
Remus laughed. “Looks like something Logan and Finn would come up with.”
“Wow, yeah, it does,” Sirius watched the video loop through one more time and laughed before clicking his phone off and throwing it onto the bed, pulling Remus fully on top of him.
“Can’t move,”Sirius said.
“Your feet are dangling off the bed.”
“I can move, but only to the pillows.”
Remus snuggled closer. “As long as you don’t mind my alarm waking you up in…” Remus opened on eye to glance blearily at the clock. He laughed sadly. “Two hours. You have a game tomorrow, I can’t believe I let you stay up this late.”
“Worth it,” Sirius mumbled sleepily. “I’ll play extra hard for you tomorrow, you’ll see.”
Remus hummed, lifting his head and pressing a palm to Sirius’ jaw to kiss him. He sucked on Sirius’ lower lip, kissing him slowly. Sirius moved his hands to Remus’ ass and thighs.
“Re,” Sirius said against his lips. “Do you sometimes feel like—like we’ve known each other for a long time?”
Remus smiled, settling himself more fully on top of Sirius. “Yeah. I do.”
Sirius pushed his hands through Remus’ hair. “Miss you when we aren’t together. Maybe that’s weird after only, what is it, a few months, but…”
Remus shook his head. “It isn’t weird,” he said softly.
Sirius’ hands smoothed down his back. His eyes were sort of wide, searching. He pressed his palm flat there, smiling a little. “You’re heart’s beating.” Sirius took a breath, like he was steadying himself. “Fast.”
“You’ve been making that happen for a while.” Remus said.
He hesitated, looking at Sirius, then, “You know, I never really had good friends…I mean, I did, but…”
Sirius picked his head up a little. “But?”
Remus cleared his throat. “Just…you know, a lot of my friends were in hockey, and when I had to quit…you know. Different schedules.”
“I can’t believe your coach said that,” Sirius sighed. “You can play, look at you.” Sirius ran his hands over Remus’ arms, his back. “Not too small.”
Remus laughed a little bitterly, swallowing hard and anxious to change the subject. “I might have decided I had a point to prove. Anyway, I’m happy with where I am.”
Sirius patted Remus’ butt lightly. “Me, too.”
Remus smiled. “My point is, kissing you, being with you… It’s incredible, Sirius, of course, but…I’m really just—I also like…”
“This,” Sirius said, gathering Remus closer and kissing his cheek.
Remus grinned and leaned down to kiss him again. “Yeah. I like this, too. A lot. It does feel like I’ve known you for a long time. And I like that.”
Sirius’ face looked completely calm, so perfectly relaxed and happy that it made Remus’ chest ache. “Me, too.”
Remus twirled a piece of Sirius’ hair around his finger. “We should really go to bed.”
Sirius bit his lip for a moment, then nodded. “Okay. Set your alarm.”
Remus’ made a pleased noise and pushed himself up to pull back the covers. Sirius tugged his sweatshirt over his head, and then did the same for Remus. Remus laughed as Sirius hustled him beneath the covers before spooning up behind him, skin to skin.
“Hey,” Sirius said.
“Hm?”
Sirius pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. “Come to family skate. Bring your family. Parents, Jules.” Another kiss. “And skate with me. Okay?”
Remus tucked Sirius’ hands between his own and his chest, holding them by his heart. “Goodnight,” he sing-songed.
Sirius huffed out a little laugh, but tucked his face against Remus’ neck and let himself drift off to sleep.
~
It was period two against the Jets and Remus was back in the room with Logan, tenderly prodding at a banged up knee.
“I am going to kill them.”
Remus raised his eyebrow. “The whole team?” Remus pressed his thumbs into the muscle beneath Logan’s knee cap. “How does that feel?”
“Yes,” Logan grumbled, running a hand through his sweaty hair and glancing up at the television playing the game. “And it hurts a little.”
“Scale?”
“Five.”
“Really.”
Logan hesitated. “Six.” He sighed. “Seven, but can’t we freeze it or something?”
Remus rolled his eyes. “Tremzy, this isn’t the play-offs. You sit out this game, see how you feel for the rest of the road trip. Simple as that.”
“Well, what do you think?”
Remus went over to the fridge for an icepack. “I think it’s just jammed. It won’t be a big deal if you rest it.”
Remus nearly jumped out of his skin when Logan let out a sudden whoop.
“Jesus Christ,” Remus said, turning. “What the fuck, Tremz?”
Logan slapped the padded examination table a few times before pointing at the television. “Cap’s in a fight, Cap’s fighting Beaulieu, holy shit.”
Remus jumped to stand next to Logan so he could see the TV. Sure enough, there was a close up of Sirius’ face. Remus could see his gloves on the ice behind him as he circled Beaulieu. Lee Jordan was talking a mile a minute on air.
“As we know, we really don’t see Black fight all too much, so this is a bit of a treat.”
“That isn’t to say we don’t see him talk a ref’s head off,” Dean Thomas laughed. “Oh, here we go. Beaulieu slammed O’Hara into the boards pretty hard and Black took it upon himself to retaliate.”
“What the fuck,” Logan said under his breath. “How did I miss that, what, Finn…”
“We see O’Hara being helped off the ice now, but oh, Black throws a mean punch!”
Sirius had the Jet by the front of his jersey, holding him in place as he delivered a right hook to his jaw.
“Beaulieu takes off Black’s helmet,” Dean said, “But Black’s got him in a head lock. Oof, I wouldn’t want to be Nathan Beaulieu right now. Black wrestles Beaulieu down on the ice…and…and the refs are there, alright. Exciting stuff, folks.”
“Indeed, Dean,” Lee Jordon laughed. “Certainly got the crowd into it. The Lions players are having a rough night for injuries, though. First Tremblay, now O’Hara. Let’s hope they’re alright.”
Remus watched as Sirius got pulled off of Beaulieu by the referee. He was sweaty and breathing hard, his dark hair falling over his forehead in wet strands. There was blood on his lower lip, and Remus knew it would swell up soon. Remus didn’t realize he had been holding his breath until his lungs burned in protest and he let it all out.
A penalty was called on both teams for fighting and both players skated slowly to their penalty boxes, still spitting words at each other through the glass.
Remus watched, lip pulled between his teeth, as Sirius was handed his gloves and helmet back. He said something that looked nasty to Beaulieu, then laughed with a little sneer to his lip at whatever was replied. Remus took a breath, watching the line of Sirius’ throat as he squirted some water into his mouth, then prodded at his bloody lip.
Only Logan’s voice snapped him out of it.
“Harz, what the hell?”
Finn appeared in the doorway, helmet off and red hair darker from sweat.
“I’m good, I’m good,” Finn said when Logan jumped up.
“Hey,” Remus said, eyes still on the screen as they replayed the fight. He slapped at Logan’s chest with the ice pack. “Sit, Logan.”
Remus ran a hand over his face as they went back to the game, Pascal lining up for the face-off. “Finn, you sit, too.” Remus went to wash his hands. “I didn’t see the hit, tell me.”
Finn sighed as he pushed himself onto the examination table. “It might be my shoulder.”
Logan spluttered. “That’s not fine!”
“Are you fine?” Finn asked him.
“Yeah,” Logan said. “Loops said it’s just a jam.”
Remus walked over to Finn, trying to think of anything except Sirius flicking his hair out of his eyes and wiping blood off of his chin and focus on his job.
“Alright, shoulder?” Remus helped Finn remove his jersey and chest and shoulder pads. “Does it hurt right now? Twinge, ache?”
“Can you move it?” Logan said, leaning over from his own bench.
Remus glanced at him, smiling a little. “You want my job, Tremz?”
Remus wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw Logan flush a little. He rolled his eyes and looked back up to the television. When Remus looked back to Finn, he had a funny look on his face, fiddling with the ties on his jersey.
“What he said,” Remus asked.
Finn raised his arm above his head to demonstrate, but winced a little. “I think he just knocked it around, too. I think I can go back out.”
Remus put one hand on Finn’s jaw, keeping his head steady while he pressed gently on his neck. “Anything hurt?”
“No,” Finn said. “All good there. He didn’t really get my head.”
“If you get another concussion, I swear to god,” Logan grumbled, eyes still on the TV.
Remus was extending Finn’s arm out, pushing on the joint when Logan yelled again. James had scored. They all looked to see Sirius, now out of the box, crush him in a hug, knocking their helmets together. A few minutes later, the buzzer went, signaling the ending of the second period.
“Alright,” Remus said. “Harz, you can go back for the third. Tremz, you stay put for this game. Then I think you’ll be good to go.”
“Fuck, Re,” Logan groaned. “Come on.”
Remus held his hands up with a laugh. “You’ll thank me later.”
“Sucks to suck,” Finn said as they stood, swatting Logan’s ass with his glove.
Logan shoved him, carefully avoiding his shoulder, and they walked back together to the slowly filling locker room. Remus spotted Sirius immediately. He was laughing with James in his stall. Finn and Logan made their way over to slap hands about the fight. Remus bit his lip then followed them.
“Need anything, Black?” Remus said.
Sirius looked up, eyes bright with adrenaline. He had stripped off his jersey and was just in his shoulder and chest pads.
Remus pointed to his lip. “All good, or did he get you?”
Sirius rose, even taller with his skates still on. “I’d accept an ice pack.”
“Yeah,” James patted Sirius’ hip. “So he doesn’t look like Kylie Jenner tomorrow.”
Remus laughed. “Nice.”
Sirius trailed him back to the PT room. Remus let the door swing shut and retrieved a cold compress and the first aid kit.
“Hi,” Sirius said, he swung himself up onto the examination table and his hand curved around Remus’ hip, pulling him between his thighs. “Like my fight?”
Remus narrowed his eyes playfully as he carefully dabbed an alcohol pad over Sirius’ lip. His jaw was already tinting a little blue, the lip fat.
Sirius laughed, then winced. “Don’t make me smile.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Remus protested.
Sirius leaned in a little, a question and an invitation. “You don’t have to.”
He smelled like cool ice and the heat of the game. Remus tilted his chin forward, their lips just brushing.
“Hey, Remus,” the door was suddenly opening.
Remus did his best to keep his face completely neutral as Sirius pulled back some, hand slipping back into his own lap. Remus was thankful to every god there was for the alcohol pad in his hand, a perfectly good reason or him to be standing between Sirius’ thighs.
“Yes?” Remus said, turning to see Thomas standing there.
“Hey, you got any icy-hot in here?” Thomas smiled at Sirius, holding his fist out. “Sick out there, Cap.”
Sirius bumped it. “Good hit on Wheeler, let’s take them, eh?”
“You know it,” Walker hit his fist against his palm, then looked at Remus. “Loops?”
“Uh,” Remus blinked, still reeling from the fact that Walker almost walked in on them—
“Icy-hot,” Thomas repeated.
“Yes,” Remus snapped his fingers. “Yes, no, that’s fine. Here. Over here.” Remus picked a few out of one of his bags. “Anything I should know about?”
“Nah, just sore. Thanks, bud. See you out there, Cap.”
Sirius gave a little nod, tearing the alcohol pad packet up into little strips.
After the door closed, Remus and Sirius sat there and stared at each other for a few minutes. Sirius had a funny look on his face. Remus passed a hand through his hair.
“Right,” he sighed. “Okay, well…that’s how easy it would be. There we go.”
Sirius nodded slowly. “Yeah.” He was still tearing the packet up. “Yeah.”
Remus walked over and put his hands over Sirius’, stilling them.
Sirius let out a breath, still refusing to look up.
“We…” Remus began, then sighed, pressing a quick, hard kiss to Sirius’ forehead. “We knew this was going to be…”
“Hard,” Sirius said, voice sounding rough. “I know.”
Remus raised his hand again, passing the alcohol over the cut before wrapping a pair towel around the cold pack. He went to raise it to Sirius’ mouth, but Sirius took it out of his hand. Remus tried not to let anything show on his face.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been being careful,” Sirius said quietly. “For either of us.”
“Maybe it wouldn’t be as big of a deal as you think,” Remus ventured timidly.
Sirius looked at him then. His eyes were hard and sad. “You know that isn’t true.”
Remus opened his mouth but Sirius pushed on.
“I know what it’s like to get criticism for something that shouldn’t be criticized. My parents do it, and if they do it, then certainly strangers will. If I give an inch, if I let anyone in, they’ll take me apart.”
Remus stared at him.
Sirius clenched his teeth together, as if he hadn’t meant to say that much, and looked down again. “I won’t let them.”
Remus could barely breathe. He reached out hesitantly for Sirius’ cheek. “Sirius—”
But Sirius pushed himself down from the table, turning away and shoulders tight. “I, um.”
“It’s okay,” Remus said faintly. “We should talk later. You have the game. Good luck—”
But Sirius was already pushing out the door and back to the locker room.
Remus pressed his hands to the table, nails digging into the rubber cushion. He felt shaky and light headed. There were times when he forgot how much pain Sirius had been through. When he forgot just how good Sirius was at hiding it.
They lost against the Jets. Then again Edmonton. They pulled through at Calgary but just barely and Coach was furious, asking what happened. Sirius was off and Remus could see the other boys noticing. Sirius was normal to him in the locker room, if not a little reserved—but he was like that to everyone right now. Sirius still texted him good morning and goodnight. He had called him the night of their…Remus didn’t know if he would call it a fight, but he’d called to say he was sorry for storming out. Remus had barely even let him apologize. Sirius still texted little hearts and hockey emojis, sometimes random pictures of himself stretching, but Remus could tell he was spooked from doing anything while on the road again.
Remus knew he was right to be. But he missed Sirius’ warmth. He missed his laugh. He hated seeing Sirius’ frustration on the ice and the bench. The locker room had been quiet after Sirius had smashed his stick on the ice in the second period against Calgary. Hot-head, Sirius Black, the news kept repeating, always wondering, always asking if Sirius would crack under the pressure. Youngest Captain. Best player. Back from an injury. Snakes Rivalry.
And the list went on. There was so much they didn’t know. Abusive family. Not allowed to love who he wanted to. The weight of the world.
Remus threw his things down on his bed in Vancouver, rubbing his hands over his face. It was a little after six and all he wanted was to order dinner and go to sleep. Well. He wanted to see Sirius. But he would wait until they were home. He would wait, then kiss Sirius senseless, and let him know that Remus was still here for him. As best he could.
Remus was half way through his lasagna and an episode of Criminal Minds when there was a quiet knock at his door. Remus’ heart slammed into overdrive and he all but spilled his plate all over the white bedsheets in his haste to get up.
Sirius was waiting on the other side of the door, looking small and unsure.
Remus stepped aside wordlessly, knowing he wouldn’t want to talk in the hallway.
Remus leaned against the closed door. He waited for Sirius to speak, but he only stood there, opening and closing his mouth a few times. Remus pushed forward, pressing his hands gently to Sirius’ chest. “Hi, baby.”
All the tension seemed to melt from Sirius’ body.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Re, I’m sorry. This is exactly what I didn’t want you to feel like, I’m so sorry—”
“Shh,” Remus hushed. “Sirius, I already told you that you don’t have anything to be sorry about.” Sirius made a protesting noise but Remus stopped him with a short kiss. “Of course you’re worried about it. Walker almost saw us, it was…it was sudden.”
“I get it if you want out,” Sirius whispered.
Remus started back. “I—want out?”
Sirius’ face looked pained.
“Sirius, did you forget what I said to you the other night?” Remus wasn’t mad, exactly, but he was a little hurt. He grabbed Sirius’ face, thumbs rubbing across his cheeks. “Sirius. Come on. I…”
Sirius’ hands wrapped around Remus’ wrists. His eyes were a little red and he closed them, like he was holding everything back.
“Sirius—let go. Let go with me. I’m here for you, I—I really—you’re my…”
Sirius’ fingers tighten around Remus’ wrists. “I said that, but I didn’t mean I wanted you to go.”
“I’m not going. I don’t want you to go.”
“I’m not,” Sirius said quickly, voice no louder than a whisper.
Remus shook his head. “Then what are we even talking about? I want you. I told you that I knew we would be behind closed doors. I told you that the very first day.”
Sirius nodded. “I—yeah.”
“So,” Remus smoothed his hands down Sirius’ neck to his shoulders. He shook his head. “I went in thinking we weren’t going to get to see each other too much on road trips. What we’ve done so far…maybe we got away with it as a little…as a way to ease us into it all.”
“Hiding, you mean,” Sirius said.
“Yes,” Remus nodded. “Do I wish we didn’t have to hide, of course, but do I understand why you don’t want this plastered all over every tabloid and blog? Of course. But you don’t have to hide with me. Tell me what I can do. Please.”
“I don’t know,” Sirius said quietly. “I don’t know, I just wish…” Sirius groaned, taking Remus’ face between his hands. “I want to—talk about you. Tell people how much I like you. I want to take you out. I want to kiss you on the bench, I want to take you to family skate and I want to hold your hand.”
Remus stared up at him, heart pounding. “Me too. I want that.”
“And I hate, I can’t stand myself because I’m scared of what people, people I don’t even know, might think. Because part of me thinks that if I tell the world that I want you, a boy, then they won’t give a shit how good my hockey is, something that means so much to me.”
Remus shook his head, trying to calm him. “I know, Pads, I understand—”
“But you mean so much, and hockey’s just a fucking—a fucking ball and stick—”
“No, it isn’t,” Remus said firmly. “It’s not. It’s—hockey’s love, too. For your team, for the way you feel when you score, for the Cup, for the fans, for the rivalry. The competition. Sirius, you’re allowed to love more than one thing at a time. I mean,” Remus flushed, realizing what he’d said. “Not that you…you love me, but—”
Sirius kissed him, slow and deep, as if trying to press Remus into himself.
When he pulled away, he pressed their foreheads together. “Maybe I’m just not brave.”
“Bullshit,” Remus said quietly. “You’re the bravest person I know.”
Sirius kissed one of Remus’ cheeks, then the other. Remus’ heart flipped.
“I’m sorry I ran out,” Sirius said. “And I’m sorry I didn’t come see you. We’re—we’re allowed to be friends, too, non?”
Remus smiled, wrapping his arms around Sirius’ neck. “How jealous would you be if I told you that I played video games with Kasey and Thomas the other night?”
Sirius made a pained noise and pressed his face into Remus’ neck while Remus laughed.
“So jealous,” Sirius whispered, kissing Remus’ jaw in a quick series of pecks. “So very jealous.”
“You’ll have to come next time.”
“Have to play the whole time, to keep my hands off of you.”
Remus laughed again, holding Sirius tighter. “We’ll work it out, okay? We will.”
Sirius nodded against Remus’ shoulder, then pulled back for a softer kiss. “We will.”
~
Pascal’s Christmas party was set to be held the day after the last game before break, tonight at 7:00, and the day before family skate. Remus’ family were flying in for the last game, and Pascal had waved him off when Remus said he might only be able to stay a little while at the party because his family was here for the holidays.
“Remus,” Pascal wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “So many families are coming. Logan’s, baby rookie Leo’s. Bring yours, they are welcome!”
And so that’s how Remus ended up shuffling on his feet in the airport, looking for the familiar faces of his parents and Julian as they got off the plane—looking forward to Julian’s face when he told him that they were all going over to Pascal Dumais’ house—where the entire team would be waiting.
His phone buzzed in his pocket and Remus pulled it out. It was a picture of Logan laying sideways on what looked like a pull-out couch, giving the camera the finger.
Dumo made him give me his bed :P
Remus grinned, typing back. The things we do for our Captain.
He had just received a string of hearts when Remus heard his name being shrieked.
“Remus!”
Remus looked up to see Julian bounding towards him, backpack bouncing on his back. He was only just ready in time for Julian to launch himself at him in a bear hug.
“Jeez, Jules, did you grow six feet since Thanksgiving?” Remus squeezed his little brother hard, making him laugh, before setting him down and putting a hand on top of his head. “I swear you did.”
“I don’t know,” Julian said. “Did I?”
“Remus, baby!”
Remus looked up to see his parents approaching with their suitcases, his dad handling Julian’s.
“Hi, mom,” Remus smiled, letting her wrap him up in a tight hug. “Hope you guys aren’t too tired for the game tonight.”
“No, no, no,” Julian patted the Lions hat he was already wearing. “I’m not, I promise I’m not!”
Remus’ dad laughed. “I shouldn’t think so, you snoozed the whole flight.”
Remus walked with them to the rental car buildings and sat in the back with Julian for the ride back to his apartment, listening to every story about his hockey team that Julian could think of.
They got back into the heart of Gryffindor with about an hour to spare before Remus had to leave for the stadium, and about four hours before his family did.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you, Re?” his dad offered.
“No, dad, it’s okay,” Remus cleared his throat. “Um. Sirius is actually picking me up.”
“Sirius,” his dad repeated in surprise.
“What?” Julian said, his mouth hanging open.
“Sirius…” his dad said slowly. “Sirius Black.”
“Yep,” Remus said.
“The Captain of the Gryffindor Lions…gives you rides to games.”
Remus tried to laugh casually. “We’re friends.”
“Please,” Julian whispered, then he was up on his feet and hanging onto Remus’ arm. “Please let me come.”
“Jules, I’m working.”
“Please.”
Remus laughed, “Hey, listen, how about you come back to the locker room after the game again instead. Alright?”
“Are you sure that’s okay, sweetheart?”
Remus nodded at his mother. “Of course. Sirius would…Sirius would love it.”
Remus felt a sudden flash of what it would be like to talk to his parents about Sirius. About Sirius and him. It felt good. Really good.
Remus couldn’t say no to letting Julian come out to the parking lot with him, their mom in toe, when Sirius texted that he was here. Sirius had a beanie on, fingers drumming on the steering wheel to whatever song was playing, but when he saw them come out, he broke into a smile and rolled the window down as Julian bounded ahead towards the car, all shyness from their last meeting gone.
“Hi Sirius,” Julian said. fingers curling over the edge of the window. “Hi.”
“Hey, how’s it going, bud?” Sirius offered his gloved hand for a fist bump. “Coming to the game, eh? Excited for Christmas?”
“You’re going to take the Rangers down, I know it!” Julian grinned. “And yeah, I am!”
“Well, I’ll see you at the Christmas party, too, right?”
Julian turned wide eyes at Remus. “Party?”
Remus laughed, rolling his eyes. “Way to blow the surprise, Black.”
Sirius’ smile dropped. “Shit. Or, uh—fuck—no. Mon dieu, I’m so sorry,” he looked guiltily at Remus’ mother. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Lupin.”
Hope laughed, waving him off with a little blush on her cheeks. “No, don’t worry. We’re a hockey family, he’s heard all those words before.” Then, she fixed Julian with a stern look. “And he knows not to use them.”
Julian nodded quickly.
“Okay, okay,” Remus said, waving to his mom and ruffling Julian’s hair. “See you guys after. Call me if you need anything, okay?”
Sirius waved as he pulled out, and the second they were out on the road, Remus cracked up.
Sirius sent him wide, sad eyes. “I’m sorry, Re, fuck.”
“Both of your faces, oh my god,” Remus reached over and squeezed Sirius’ thigh. “Also, I think I broke my father when I told him you were picking me up.”
Sirius smiled, glancing over from the road. “Hey, I’m glad you’re coming to the party.”
“I’m excited. They’re excited, too. How is it at Pascal’s? You moved in early.”
“Celeste insisted. She said the holidays start when they play holiday music at the rink, so,” Sirius shrugged. “Here I am.”
They pulled into the Hogwarts parking lot, Sirius stopping at the gate to sign some jerseys for fans waiting there. A few recognized Remus from the bench and said hello. Remus waved, slightly awkwardly, back.
“Your famous, Loops,” Sirius laughed as he pulled into a spot and shoved the car into park.
“Fuck off,” Remus shoved his shoulder and Sirius snorted. Remus pressed his hand over Sirius’, inching his fingers under the cuff of his suit to stroke over the soft, inside of his wrist. “Good luck, alright? No fighting when I’m not allowed to kiss it better.”
Sirius’ smile was radiant and he leaned down, below the cusp of the back seats, and kissed Remus’ palm gently. He looked up at him, eyes soft. “Mon loup.”
Remus’ heart stuttered. “What?” he asked faintly.
Sirius smiled squeezing Remus’ hand. “Mon loup. My wolf. It’s perfect, non? Like Loops, but…my own.”
Remus took a long, slow breath. “God, you are making it so hard not to kiss you right now.”
Sirius glanced out the back window. The player’s garage looked empty. “Then do it.”
Remus glanced, too, making sure there really was no one in sight, and then curled a hand behind Sirius’ head and pulled him in, kissing him hard.
“Mon loup,” Sirius said, lightly biting Remus’ lower lip. “Mon choupinet.”
“What’s that,” Remus whispered, kissing Sirius again, licking into his mouth.
Sirius pressed a hand to Remus’ knee, smoothing it up his inner thigh. “Don’t know translation,” Remus cut him off with another kiss, straining over the center consul. “My darling,” Sirius gasped. “Maybe that works…”
Remus felt as if he hadn’t kissed Sirius in years. He felt hot with it, a burning simmering low in his stomach.
Sirius’ hand smoothed back to his knee, a safer distance, really, and he pulled back with a shaky laugh. “Okay. We should go if you don’t want me to take you in the backseat.”
Remus groaned and thunked his head back against the seat. “Yeah. Yeah, alright. Here we go.”
Sirius laughed and squeezed his thigh before getting out of the car.
Remus took another breath. “Here we go.” He followed.
‘Gryffindor,” Frank Longbottom’s voice boomed in Hogwarts stadium, drawing out the words. “For the last time in 2020…Your Gryffindor Lions!”
The crowd went wild as the Lions skated out onto the ice one by one. The Rangers came out more quietly, keeping to their side of the rink. Remus liked the Rangers. They didn’t play dirty, and they were one of the best teams in the league this year, so beating them would mean something. Sirius was out in the center already, tracing the Lions logo with a puck. Remus could see phones pressed up to the glass, like always, filming him. Logan was over by the glass, talking and miming to a boy who had a sign that said Hey Tremzy, I’ll trade you candy for your stick! The boy war a too-big Tremblay jersey that fell to his knees, and a Lions hat on backwards. Logan shuffled back and forth on his skates for a minute, pretending to think about it, before tapping the glass, signaling he’d rather have the Reece’s than the sour strips. It took a few tries, but the boy finally got the packet over the glass, Logan smiling as he refused to let his dad help. Logan then lofted his stick over the glass easily. He gave a thumbs up, and bent for a quick selfie before skating away.
James made an awwing noise. “There’s no doubt the cameras caught that kid’s smile.”
Coach gave him a hard pat on the shoulder pad. “That’ll be your kid at the glass soon, eh, Pots?”
“I can’t talk about it, I’ll cry,” James laughed, then looked down with a smile, like he really was choked up.
Remus jostled his helmet and James looked back at him with a grin. “Lils says hi, by the way. She’s here tonight. Guess we don’t have a secret now.”
“Make sure she comes back to the Room,” Remus said happily. “Hey, are your parents here, too?”
“Not for the game, but they’re coming for the holidays. My father is incapable of passing up a chance to see Pascal Dumais,” James said as he jumped over the boards to skate a few laps and do the wrap around shoot on Kasey, who was in goal tonight. Finn was leaning on the boards, helmet off and talking closely with Leo who was sitting ready on the bench, just in case. Logan skated by and smacked Finn hard on the ass with his stick, making Finn shout and drawing him away to chase after him. Leo raised an eyebrow.
“And that’s going to be all over the internet,” James sighed with a laugh. “Alright, blue Gatorade, Loops, remember.”
“How could I forget,” Remus said wryly.
Remus’ eyes found Sirius again. He was laughing with one of the referees, nose scrunched up. Remus smiled softly at the sight.
“What’s with the face?” Leo asked.
Remus glanced at him. “Just…I don’t know,” he cleared his throat. “Things have been rough with Cap, lately. He feels better now, eh?”
Leo nodded slowly, glancing at Sirius, then back at Remus. Yeah. No, yeah, you’re right.”
“How are you, Nut. I haven’t seen much of you, which I guess is a good thing.”
“I’m—you know.” He gestured around him, fiddling with his blocker. “This is insane. I didn’t—I didn’t know it would be like this. No one tells you.” Leo grinned, his accent dipping and dragging lightly.
Remus smiled, biting back the heavy feeling in his chest. “You’re definitely living the dream.”
“Bonne chance mes amies,” Sirius said as he stopped hard in front of the boards for the national anthem, throwing one leg over than the other in front of Remus. “Let’s take these blue boys down town, eh?”
“What a pep-talk,” James said, and Sirius shoved him. The lights went down for the anthem and Remus bowed his head along with the boys, smiling a little as he thought of Julian in the stands.
“Are you ready?” Frank said, and the lights came up. Remus raised his head and, for a split second, he caught Sirius’ eye. Sirius smiled.
“Okay?” he said, because he couldn’t say more. But Remus knew what he meant.
Remus nodded. “Go get ‘em.”
Sirius skated out for the first face-off against Mika Zibanejad. They nodded at the ref, then bent over, sticks ready. Remus watched Sirius’ eyes go completely focus, a steely gray. The puck dropped.
Sirius won the face off, much to the pleasure of the crowd, and stole it backwards into his own zone, floating for a minute, before snapping it to Finn. Finn darted around Strome before passing it back to Sergei when DeAngelo was on top of him.
“Hey, hey!” Remus could hear Sirius shout, calling for the puck as he wrapped around the edge of the rink, out skating Panarin to get into their zone. He tapped his stick hard on the ice twice to get Sergei’s attention, then checked Kreider with a shove of his arm, pinning him against the boards at the exact moment Sergei shot the puck back towards him. Sirius caught it beautifully, taking off towards Georgiev in the crease. He deked around Strome, and the goal horn lit up.
Logan stood, hollering. “Thirty seconds in, baby,” he pounded the boards with his glove. “Fuck yeah, number twelve!”
Remus’ head snapped towards him, towards Logan calling Sirius, baby. Well. Not in so many words, he guessed. There was still a strange flame up in his heart, hearing that word from someone else.
Sirius raised his gloves and stick for the goal, letting James and Finn slam into him in celebration.
Sirius skated by the bench for fist bumps before swinging over the boards. Remus reached forward and pressed a hand to his shoulder, letting his thumb brush the back of his neck. “Nice one, Captain,” He said over the crowd, and felt Sirius tense, then relax. Sirius turned and flashed him the brightest of grins.
The Lions’ next score was a power play goal, with two minutes left in the first period. Remus could practically hear Frank and Marlene talking up Sirius being put on the power play with two of the cubs, Logan and Finn. It was Logan’s slap shot, fed by Sirius around Brendan Lemieux, only just getting it passed him before Lemieux slammed Sirius into the boards. Remus only just had time to wince before Logan’s shot went bar down over Georgiev’s glove-hand. Finn got there first, slamming into Logan at full force, knocking their helmets together, his glove on the back of Logan’s neck. The Lions were up two to one by the time they were walking back down the tunnel for the first intermission.
“Black,” Coach said, motioning him over with two fingers. “You up for an interview with Skeets?”
Rita Skeeter was standing there, looking all too pleased and excited.
“Um,” Sirius dumped his gloves into the drying bin with a sigh. “Yeah. Yeah, alright.”
Remus suppressed a smile as he watched Sirius take his helmet off. He bit his lip when he pushed his hair back from his face and went to stand warily opposite of Rita.
“So, Sirius,” she said with delight. “Your baby brother has been quite vocal recently! Any further response?”
Remus’ smile dropped from his face. He knew Sirius had been dealing with this. He just hoped that it would have stopped by now, become old news.
He watched Sirius take a breath. “Did you mean,” Sirius said with a small, tight smile. “‘Sirius, how do you feel about tonight’s power play?’”
Rita’s grin faltered. “Oh. Um, well—”
“Because, Rita,” Sirius propped his hands on the top of his stick. “I felt great about it. I thought the boys were strong and communicating out there. I like our chances in this game.”
Sirius walked off, and out of the lights.
James and some of the team, who were watching, snorted, hitting each other in silent amazement. James gave a loud woop before following Sirius back towards the locker room. Rita, to her credit, had taken it well and handed it back to Dean and Lee smoothly.
Remus wanted to kiss Sirius so bad that it made his head hurt.
The locker room was rowdy with their goals and Sirius’ interview, talking themselves up and ready for a win. Remus had texted his dad about their seats and received a short video of Julian going insane after Sirius’ goal. He copied it and sent it to Sirius for him to look at later.
Leo was standing over Logan who was looking up at him from where he was leaning against his stall. He had a small smile on his face as he wrapped some tape around a jammed finger. Leo said something that made him laugh and kick at Leo’s shin with his foot.
“Yo, Loops,” Finn said, slapping a hand on his shoulder. “We’re outta tape, got any white for me?”
“Oh, yeah, give me two seconds.”
“Thanks, man.”
“For sure,” Remus smiled. He took one last look at Sirius, stripped down to his pads and sweaty with a towel around his neck. It was a sight he wasn’t keen on missing, but he wasn’t being paid to stare.
He held the door open for Coach, reading to get the boys back on the ice for second period, on his way back with Finn’s tape, and then made his way back to the rink where the crowds were settling back into their seats. He looked up at the big screen to see that they were playing some pre-recorded video that the media team had done with the boys. They had various facts up on the screen and some of the boys had to guess who it was about. Right then, the fact was, who has a vintage hockey equipment collection? They showed James first, glasses on and squinting at the camera.
“I don’t…” James’ voice and laugh echoed through the stadium. “Who the hell would…Is it Vans, is it Sergei?” James looked behind the camera for the answer, but then they cut to Finn and Leo, being interviewed together. Leo was chewing on his lip and Finn was look up, thinking.
“That sounds like a Sergei move,” Finn mumbled.
“Or Sunny,” Leo said. “Is it Henrik Sunqvist?”
“Oh, good one, Nut, is it Sunshine?”
The camera cut to Logan, who was smirking. “I think I have an unfair advantage to this question.”
That rose a response out of the crowd. It was a dead give-away.
“Huh,” Remus said to Coach. “I didn’t know that about Dumo.”
“It’s an incredible collection,” Coach responded excitedly. “Fascinating to see, really. I know he’d give you a tour if you asked. Maybe at Christmas.”
They showed a few more players; Evgeni jokingly saying Jackson, Timmy actually guessing Pascal, before they showed Pascal with a wide grin on his face.
“Yes, that’s me. One person guesses me?” Pascal laughed, making a tisking sound. “Well, Logan doesn’t count.”
There were a few more shots of the boys who hadn’t guessed Pascal kicking themselves, and then the screen was back to pumping up the crowd with countdowns and replays of the first period.
The boys skated back out for the second where the Rangers pulled up 3-2, a lead that they were able to keep until ten minutes into the third. Sirius was on the bench and Pascal’s line was out. Remus could hear Pascal call to Logan for the puck. The pass connected, and then Logan was flying back up the ice. Pascal’s pass was intercepted by Panarin who darted around both Sergei and Thomas Walker’s defense line. Remus could tell that he was lining up for a one timer when Kasey shot out of the goal in an insane poke-check, jabbing the puck right out from under his nose.
“Oh!” Sirius shouted, rising from the bench and hitting James. “Nice one, Kase!”
Finn nudged Leo. “You should start poke-checking, Nut.”
Leo smiled wryly. “Oh, I can poke-check.”
Finn got a dreamy sort of expression on his face for a moment, but then Sirius was turning towards Remus, hitting his glove against Remus’ stomach a few times. “iPad, iPad, iPad, please.”
Remus snorted, getting a little kick in his chest from the secret-feeling look Sirius shot him in thanks as he took the iPad and scrolled through the shifts. Logan heaved himself over the boards, sweaty and panting, and sat down on the bench beside Finn who tapped their helmets together.
“Good shift, Lo.”
Sirius leaned back and hit Logan softly in the back of the helmet. “Yeah, bud, good speed.” Then, he leaned over to James. “Pots, alright, see when Strome went here, we should have you following him up…”
Remus watched the third line, centered by Evgeni, tear out into the ice. Evgeni and Jackson were two of their strongest players together. They could read each other almost as well as Sirius and James could, and Remus watched as they hustled the puck back into the Rangers’ zone. It happened fast. Jackson shot to Evgeni, Evgeni to Evan, then back to Jackson. Jackson slapped it to where Evgeni was waiting by the net, and Evgeni tipped it in. 3-3.
“Nice, Kuny,” Sirius said as the line skated by the bench for glove taps. “Atta boy, Nado.”
Pascal got a wrap-around goal at two minutes, and the game was over—neat and encouraging.
“You know, you always wanna go into the new year with a W, and I think that’s exactly what was motivating us tonight,” Sirius said to the reporters gathered around his stall after the game. He was yet un-showered, sweaty towel wrapped around his neck and his lucky, sweat-stained hat on backwards to keep his hair from dripping into his face. “Yeah, I’m just proud of the boys and I think this is a really, you know, a really good way to take some time off, well deserved.”
“Any special plans for the holidays, Sirius?”
Sirius minutely raised an eyebrow at the thinly veiled question. Then, his eyes darted towards Remus. He looked at him for just a second, but Remus felt it to his very core. Sirius smiled. It was small, and rare to the press. Remus heard about twenty cameras go off at once.
“Yeah,” Sirius said. “Any time I get to spent with my friends and family is special.”
“And the team’s annual Christmas party, that’s at Dumo’s house, yeah?”
Sirius looked at the reporter. “What, you’re planning on crashing?”
Sirius smiled again at the laughs it raised from the crowd. Remus saw Finn and Logan shoot a surprised look at each other. The Captain was in a good mood.
“Yeah, for sure,” Sirius said, waving away the laughs. “Looking forward to it.”
“Alright,” Marlene stepped in, motioning the press towards the door. “That’s all folks, thanks a lot.”
Remus watched for a second, and then suddenly there was a hand covering his eyes and a voice in his ear.
“Guess who,” it said.
Remus grinned. “Lils.” He turned, eyes instantly widening. “Holy shit, Lily, look at you.”
“You like?” Lily laughed, turning to the side and running her hand over her baby bump. “Isn’t he cute? Already looks good in a jersey.” Lily tapped the A for assistant captain on her POTTER jersey she was wearing.
“You look incredible,” Remus pulled her in for a tight hug, then pulled back to stare down at the bump. “I mean, I know I’ve seen you over FaceTime and everything but this is something else.”
“Lily Evans,” Pascal walked up to stand beside Remus. He was sweaty still and careful about leaning in to press a kiss to both of Lily’s cheeks. “Mon cher.”
“Pascal,” Lily beamed. “You better get Celeste to tell me all of her tips and tricks.”
Pascal laughed. “The trick is love and kindness. I know you are already overflowing in that. Also, the occasional candy bribe.”
Remus laughed. “I think that still works on some of these guys.”
“Facts,” Finn said, walking by to the showers, naked. “Sup, Lils.”
“Nice ass, O’Hara,” Lily said.
“Hey, you can’t say that,” James appeared, wrapping an arm around Lily. “Hi, babe.”
“Good game, lover,” Lily said, leaning up for a quick kiss.
“Our boy’s a good luck charm.”
“If he can’t come to every single game, I’d be careful what you say,” Sirius called from his stall, un-taping his socks. He balled up the tape and chucked it in their direction. “Hey, Loops, où est ta famille?”
“Oh,” Remus smiled slowly. “I just have to go get them.”
They were down the hall waiting excitedly, guest passes hung around their necks.
“Hey guys,” Remus said. “Ready?”
“Fantastic game, bud,” Lyall said. “What a zinger at the end there, eh?”
“We’ve been really pulling through lately, yeah,” Remus grin. His chest always warmed when his parents insisted on congratulating him on a game. As if he’d played.
“Oh, why don’t you just take Julian in, sweetheart,” his mother said.
Remus raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”
“Yes, of course. He really loves the locker room and we’ll see everyone at the party, won’t we, dear?”
Remus’ father nodded. “Jules might explode if you don’t go soon, so…”
Remus laughed. “Well, alright. C’mon, you little monster.”
“I’m not,” Julian laughed, and Remus wrestled him into a head lock before opening the locker room door for him.
“Whoa-ho,” James said from where he was standing by the door with Lily. “The Captain’s back.” He held his fist out for a bump. “Hey, man.”
“Hi, Pots,” Julian said, a little quietly, but he was smiling. Then, his eyes shifted somewhere behind him and he hit Remus’ side a few times. “Re, Re, Re.”
“What?��� Remus followed his gaze to see that Logan and Leo seemed to be having some sort of mock boxing match with nothing but their towels and gloves on.
“Yep,” Remus said. “If you’re gonna ask me what they’re doing, I have no idea.”
Julian seemed entranced though, and Remus laughed and shuffled him out of the way of some of the other players heading towards the showers.
Pascal, throwing his dirty jersey in the laundry bin in the center of the room, stopped when he saw Remus. “What is this? Remus, you didn’t tell me you had a twin.”
“Dumo,” Remus heard Julian whisper.
Pascal laughed and bent down in front of Julian. “Bonsoir. What’s your name?”
“Julian.”
“Julien? Est-ce que tu parles français, Julien?”
Julian shook his head vigorously. “No, sorry.”
“Oh, it’s okay, it’s okay. I bet you play hockey though, non?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m a center.”
“Ah, like me. Like our Captain,” Pascal poked the C on Julian’s jersey. “Are you in need of more jerseys, Julien? I hear this player, number twelve, is old news.”
Julian looked at once excited by the mention of jerseys and vastly offended at the insult to Sirius.
“Well, I don’t know about that.”
Julian’s head whipped around to where Sirius was standing.
“What’s up, Jules,” Sirius said.
Remus had to carefully control his face at Sirius calling Julian his nickname. He pressed a hand to the top of Julian’s head, glad for the excuse to beam at Sirius.
“Hi, Pads,” Julian said, sounding a little like his father’s prediction might have been right, that Julian might just combust from happiness.
Finn, walking behind Sirius from the showers, did a double take and froze, staring at Julian with just as much awe as Julian was staring at him.
“Remus,” Finn said slowly. “Do you have…a child?”
“What?” Remus laughed. “No, Harz, this is my brother.”
“This is Julian,” Sirius said. “Jules, this is Harzy.”
“I know,” Julian had his jersey sleeves gathered in his hands.
“Wow, I am so glad I’m wearing a towel,” Finn said, almost to himself, before very seriously holding out a fist for Julian to bump. “Mr. Lupin.”
Julian laughed and met his fist. Finn pretended to wince and shake his hand out, smiling with a wink as he walked away.
“Alright, Jules, we should let everyone get dressed, eh?”
“Hey, hey, hey, hang on a second,” Sirius went to his locker and pulled out the sweatshirt he usually cooled down in, throwing it on. “Gotta have my good luck charm for my cool down, eh?”
And that’s how Remus ended up watching from the gym doorway as Sirius talked to his baby brother, asking him any and every questioned as he stretched, and Julian imitating any move he made.
James appeared at Remus’ shoulder while Sirius and Julian were both seated on the ground touching their toes.
“He totally has a girlfriend,” James whispered.
Remus looked at him. “What makes you say that?”
“No offense to your brother, but a sudden interest in kids? When did that happen? Trust me, he’s got baby fever. I’d know. When I found out Lily was pregnant, suddenly I had to say hello to every baby I saw. Like every baby.”
Remus laughed. “Uh, yeah, maybe.”
“I just…” James sighed. “I don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me, I mean…I’m so happy that he’s happy. And I can tell you know? Only he always denies it and that just…I don’t know.”
Remus looked down at his hands. He didn’t know what to say, couldn’t conjure the words.
“Hopefully he brings her to Dumo’s, eh?”
“Yeah,” Remus choked out. “Yeah, for sure.”
~
Remus showed up at Pascal’s house with his family a little late. His mother had been slow getting ready, at little nervous, and then his father had misplaced the car keys. Julian had been a puddle of longing in the living room until they had turned out onto the road, finally.
Remus closed his car door, heart pounding, and he didn’t really know why.
“All good?”
His dad held up the bottle of wine they’d brought with a grin. “All good.”
They walked up the path and Remus knocked on the door.
“Remus,” Celeste greeted them with Katie on her hip. She looked elegant in her green, long-sleeved dress. “Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, bonsoir, please come in!”
“Hi, Celeste,” Remus said, accepting a kiss on both cheeks.
“Yo, Loops!”
Remus jumped a little. “Uh, hi, Tremz.”
Tremz waved vigorously at him from the sliver of the living room he could see, and Leo sent him an apologetic look. Celeste laughed.
“We are all…well into the night, you might say,” she leaned in. “A little tipsy, non?”
“Except for me,” Lily walked up and wrapped her arms around Remus. “I’m living through James.” She smiled. “Hi, Hope, hi Lyall, good to see you again. Hey, Julian!”
Julian was quickly commandeered by the other children, a charge led by the Dumais’ kids. Apparently there was a pick-up game going on in the basement somewhere.
“I want one of him,” Lily sighed happily, before following his parents, who were whisked away by Celeste to the kitchen for drinks, and Remus found himself suddenly alone in the entry way, hanging up their coats.
“Hi.”
Remus looked up as he closed the closet door. Sirius was standing there, leaning against the doorway with his ankles crossed. He was wearing a forest green sweater, nothing like anything Remus had never seen him wear before, and dark jeans with white adidas on. His hair was fluffy, no doubt having been wet from the snow earlier, and with no hat to hold it down it curled around his ears and over his forehead sweetly. He looked soft in the yellow lights, and warm. Remus hadn’t kissed him, hadn’t so much as touched him, in the days since his parents arrived. It was only a two days but…the sight of him sent a small shiver through him.
“Hi,” Remus said faintly. He walked the few steps between them and stood close to Sirius, out of sight of the inner rooms.
“Good break so far?”
“Yeah. It’s nice to have Jules around again. You?”
Sirius nodded. “Dumo’s kids are sweet. Logan, not so sweet.”
Remus laughed and so did Sirius.
“Lots of video games,” Sirius finished. “A good break, but…”
Remus heard the I miss you without him having to say it. It was a text he received every morning and every night.
“Did I miss Jules?”
“Oh, you’ll see him. He’ll come looking for you soon enough once he wonders why he’s playing with a bunch of kids when Sirius Black and Logan Tremblay are upstairs.”
“Also at family skate, oui?” Sirius asked.
Remus nodded, and then took a breath, glancing into the living room for a moment. “I have something for you.”
Sirius’ eyebrow went up. “Oui?”
“Mhm. A Christmas gift.”
“Is this something I get while we are alone?” Sirius asked, voice low.
Remus snorted. “Well, this one comes in a box. But you can have that, too, I assure you.”
Sirius grinned. “I have something for you, too.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s in a box, too, but I’d be more than happy to follow it up with something else,” Sirius reached out, fingers pinching the hem of Remus’ gray sweater softly. “Will you find me upstairs later? An hour, maybe? Give people time to drink a bit more.”
Remus glanced around the room. “Pads, we almost got caught. Remember how you felt then. Are you sure?”
Sirius gave his head a small shake. “It’s just a present. Besides, I need you.”
Remus let out a breath. This felt like both the best and the worst place to be meeting alone. Everyone here was their friend, their family, but that worked against them just as much as it worked for them. Remus thought of his unsuspecting parents in the other room. He thought of his own bed, which felt too large now that he had become used to Sirius in it.
“I’ll kiss you in an hour,” he said.
“You better.”
Remus wandered into the kitchen for a drink while Sirius went back into the living room. He wasn’t just here for Sirius, even if that was what it felt like. He liked seeing the rest of the boys outside of work.
Leo and Logan where there, Leo trying to dissuade Logan from another glass of wine, and Logan trying to persuade Leo into one more.
“Letting loose, eh, Tremz?” Remus laughed as he poured himself some.
“It is Christmas,” Logan said. “C’est Noel!”
“What?” A girl turned around from where she had been talking to Thomas—who looked like he was sweating.
“Not you,” Logan said, pressing his palm to the girl’s face, who punched him in the arm in return. “Ow.”
Remus raised an eyebrow and Logan waved him off.
“My sister.”
“Oh, I didn’t—”
“Yeah, yeah, there’s two others around here somewh—” Logan cut off sharply. His face froze for a moment, then went sort of blank.
For a second, Remus worried it was something to do with the alcohol, but then he realized that Logan was staring at something behind him. Remus turned around, and was a little bewildered when all he saw was Finn, having just arrived. He was smiling and holding hands with a girl.
“Hey guys,” he said.
“Hey Harzy,” Remus said, then glanced at the girl.
“Oh, this, um. This is June.”
June waved, revealing a bright smile. Her curly hair was piled on top of her head and the white sweater she was wearing set off her tanned skin nicely.
Remus held out his hand. “Remus.”
“Nice to meet you,” she said. Remus watched her glance at Logan and Leo. “What’s up, Leo.”
“Hey, June,” Leo smiled, but it looked a little tight. “Good to see you again.”
“What,” Logan said faintly. Then he flushed, like he hadn’t meant to say it.
“Lo,” Finn said, sounding—a little nervous actually. “Um. Yeah, this is June. I hoped you guys would meet earlier but, you haven’t been around to me and Nut’s place in a while, so.”
Logan stared for long enough that Remus had just begun to feel awkward, and then said a faint. “Hi.”
“Man, Lo,” Leo laughed and it sounded loud in the small space. “Had a bit too much wine, alright, let’s all go into the living room.” He smiled brightly at June. “You can meet the rest of the boys. Let’s go y’all.”
“Excuse me,” Logan said. He set his glass down hard and disappeared through the door leading into the basement, to his room.
They hovered there for a moment, unsure of what had just happened.
“I’ll go make sure he’s,” Leo began vaguely. “He’s had a lot to drink,” he finished looking more at Finn.
“Yeah,” Finn said, face looking pale and conflicted. He turned back to June when Leo followed Logan down to his room. “C’mon J, I want you to meet Lily. Also hopefully Cap is around here somewhere.”
“He’s in the living room,” Remus offered, still glancing at the basement door.
They turned, and Remus only just heard June say something along the lines of, “Was that him?”
~
Remus went to find Sirius—maybe a little early. The walk up the staircase felt like deja vu, like when he had gone looking for a bathroom at Sirius’ house on Halloween. Only, this time, he was looking for what he had found that time. And Sirius would be looking for him.
He found the guest bedroom where he and Sirius had first kissed. Where he had first felt Sirius in his arms. He brushed his hands over the quilted bedspread before going to the window. The snow was illuminated in the street lamps. The mulled wine and cider wafted up from the kitchen, along with laughter. It felt like Christmas.
“Looks like we’re both early,” Sirius’ voice came from behind him.
Remus smiled and turned around. Sirius was in the doorway, turning the lock on the door behind his back.
“Why were you upstairs?” Remus asked. “On Halloween. When you found me in your room.”
“I saw you go upstairs,” Sirius said simply, and then he walked forward. He pressed into Remus’ space, hands moving to his hips. “I would have done anything to be alone with you back then. Including follow up upstairs in my own house, where I knew where the downstairs bathrooms were.”
Remus laughed, winding his arms around Sirius’ neck. “Oh, yeah? Only back then?”
Sirius shook his head, bending to let their lips only just brush together. “Any time. All the time.”
“Do you know its been almost three months?” Remus whispered, leaning into to press a soft, barely there kiss to Sirius’ mouth. “Three months since you told me that you wanted me. Two months since we kissed.”
“I’m offended that you think I could forget these things,” Sirius’ hands were warm as he pressed them under Remus’ sweater and shirt, against his back. Sirius let out an unsteady breath. “I could never forget, Remus.”
Remus’ chest felt too small, he pulled Sirius tighter to him. “Baby.”
Sirius’ smile was soft and cut off by his kiss, his fingers firm against Remus’ jaw.
“I could kiss you forever,” Sirius whispered.
“Do it,” Remus replied, and his voice sounded high to himself, turned on and—
Maybe in love.
Remus gasped as Sirius pressed a kiss to his neck.
“Do it,” Remus breathed. His hands wound through Sirius’ hair, and he kissed him.
Remus forgot the night. Sirius’ mouth was hot and it tasted like the cinnamon in the cider. He pressed his hands against Remus’ lower back and held him close.
“I know we can’t do much right now,” Sirius said. “But I want to kiss you. I want—I want to know you’re with me even when I alone.”
Remus could barely breathe. He reached up, knuckles trailing across Sirius’ cheek. “I am with you.”
Sirius smiled down at him. “Mon Loup.”
“C’mere,” Remus pulled Sirius down, bringing their mouths back together.
Sirius leaned into it, sucking on Remus’ lip for a moment before breaking to trail wet kisses down the side of Remus’ neck. “How much time do you think we have before people start wondering where we are?”
“Not enough,” Remus panted. “Five minutes. Where the hell did this sweater come from?”
“Like it?” Sirius nipped at his bottom lip. “I bought it for you.”
“Sirius Black,” Remus laughed as Sirius cut him off with a kiss, and it turned into a soft moan. “Went shopping for me?”
“Do anything for you.”
Remus pressed his fingers against Sirius’ toned stomach, warm from the cashmere wool. “New Year’s,” Remus said. “I want to kiss you on New Year’s.”
Sirius smiled into their next kiss. “At midnight.”
“At midnight,” Remus whispered.
“I think I can pull that off,” Sirius pressed a few dragging, slow kisses against Remus’ lips. “Close your eyes, mon loup.”
Remus smiled, head tilting back against the wall as he closed his eyes. Remus felt Sirius’ hands take one of his own from beneath his sweater. All was still for a moment, and then there were lips on the inside of his wrist.
Remus sucked in a breath, and then something cool was being wrapped around his wrist.
Remus opened his eyes to see a simple watch. It was nothing like anything Sirius would have purchased for himself. Nothing flashy, not even all that shiny. A muted silver, with a simple face and leather band. It ticked gently.
“Pads…”
“Look,” Sirius said quietly. He unfastened it and flipped it around. Remus reached out and ran his fingers over the words engraved there, the words that would always be pressed against his skin.
Mon vœu.
“My wish,” Sirius translated, although Remus had known. His voice had caught the moment he had read them. Sirius looked at Remus with open, silver eyes. “Remus…for now, the words are only for you. But,” Sirius fastened the watch around Remus’ wrist once more, and tapped the face of it. “It’s only a matter of time. I want…us.”
Sirius bit his lip for a moment, eyebrows drawing together before he pressed a palm to Remus’ neck, thumb stroking along his jaw. “Re. Please wait for me. I wasn’t asking before, I never wanted you to feel like you were tied down to anything. I’m asking now.”
Remus felt the press of tears behind his eyes. Instead of responding, he reached into his own back pocket, grasping something.
“Close your eyes,” Remus rasped out.
Sirius did so, dark eyelashes fanning out across his cheeks. Remus reached up and smoothed the stressed furrow on his forehead with his thumb, then leaned up to press a kiss there.
Remus withdrew the necklace and let the cool chain fall around Sirius’ neck. Sirius opened his eyes, eyes darting down to the pendant.
“Twelve,” he said.
“To anyone else, yes,” Remus brushed his fingers over the fairly small numbers one and two resting beside each other. “But one is silver, and one is gold. I,” Remus let out a slightly watery laugh. “I don’t know if it’s that easy to understand, but—”
“Half,” Sirius whispered. “Half is gold. Half is silver. Half of twelve is—” Sirius blinked and his eyes shone. “Six.”
Remus nodded silently, and then Sirius was kissing him again, hard and desperate.
“You never had to ask,” Remus said against his lips. “I was always going to wait.”
Sirius’ laugh was giddy and soft and he pulled Remus in around the waist and hugged him.
They knew they would be missed and that the food would be put out soon, and so Sirius brushed his fingers through Remus’ hair, and Remus smoothed Sirius’ clothes.
“Handsome,” Remus said, and took a breath. “Okay, ready.”
Sirius just looked at him, face open and radiant. He raised his new necklace to his lips and kissed it. Then, he tucked it into his shirt and opened the door, letting the sounds of the party back in.
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So Wrong, So Fast
Written by: @hutchhitched
Prompt 79: Peeta has been planning this marriage proposal for months. It goes horribly wrong. Tell me all about it and what happens next? [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]
Ratings/Warnings: T
A/N: I’m continuing to post the nine @everlarkficexchange prompts I took and then sat on throughout the early months of the pandemic. This is the fourth of the nine. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy. Huge thanks to @javistg for understanding the delays. Hope this helps ease your stress during hurricane season, @katnissdoesnotfollowback. This story can be read in the universe of An Everlarking Christmas as a prequel.
____________
“Finn, have you seen my tie?” Peeta Mellark yelled down the hall of their apartment. “I’ve got two minutes before I need to head out.”
“Nope. Haven’t seen it.”
He turned and burst out laughing. His roommate stood in the doorway in ragged sweatpants and a threadbare t-shirt. Wrapped around his neck was Peeta’s favorite tie.
“Are you trying to ruin this night for me?”
“I would never do such a thing,” Finnick crowed and loosened the tie. With an exaggerated wink, he tossed it to Peeta and plopped down on the bed. “So, what’s the plan? Wine and dine Everdeen and then bring her back here for a little roll in the hay? Should I change your sheets for you? Make myself scarce?”
“I don’t know how Annie puts up with you,” Peeta muttered and tugged the knot in his tie. It wasn’t quite sitting right, and it was driving him a little nuts. It had taken a lot for Katniss to agree to a formal dinner for their anniversary. She was much more comfortable out of the spotlight or working behind the scenes. Peeta’s insistence that she be showered with affection made her squirm anxiously any time he brought it up, but he’d wanted to do something special to show his girlfriend how much he really loved her, and a fancy dinner date seemed like a tried and true method for demonstrating affection.
“I don’t think that’ll be necessary, Finn. I’ll probably stay at her place tonight. I mean, I am planning to pop the question.”
Finnick yelped and sprang from the bed to engulf his roommate in a bear hug. Lifting Peeta off the floor, he spun them around and finally set Peeta down again when they were both completely dizzy.
“How could you keep this from me?” Finnick barked in a mock offended tone. “You know how much I love romance, and I’m running out of fresh material. What have you got planned? Music? A special menu? The ring in the dessert? No, scratch that. In the champagne? Got her favorite flowers? Rose petals at her place and lit candles? Tell me everything.”
“You’re worse than Delly,” Peeta snorted, referring to his childhood best friend who enjoyed being a woman more than almost any other female. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to jinx it. There’s only so much a guy can handle before he breaks down in a puddle of nervous goo.”
“Can I see the ring?” Finnick asked, still practically vibrating with excitement. “I need ideas for the one I’m gonna buy—because we both know it’s going to be sooner rather than later.”
“You’re a mess. You know that?”
“I am a lovable, sex god who’s given up my reign for the fair Annie Cresta.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“An idiot in love who supports you in your inferior attempts to romance women.”
Offended, Peeta glared at his friend. “I am very romantic. Katniss just doesn’t really like it.”
“Oh, really?” Finnick hooted and crossed his arms. “You still haven’t told me what your plan is.”
“You’ll just have to wait until tomorrow because I need to go.” Turning to his friend, Peeta exhaled and held out his arms. “How do I look?”
“You look good, man. You got the ring?”
“Shit! The ring.” He scrambled to his nightstand and opened the top drawer. Rifling through the contents, his fingers settled on a velvet box, and he grabbed it and stuck it in his pocket. “Gotta go. Wish me luck!”
“Good luck!”
Finnick’s well-wishes rang in his ear as he rushed out the door. Jumping into his car, he slammed the door, turned the key in the ignition, and…nothing.
“No, no, no, no, no! Not tonight.”
Turning the key again, Peeta groaned when the battery didn’t turn over and smacked his palms on the steering wheel. Frantic, he leapt from the car and ran into the house.
“Finn! My car won’t start. Can I—?”
“Keys are on the counter. I’ll have Annie pick me up. You’ll need to get gas.”
“Thanks, man!”
He was halfway to his girlfriend’s house when he glanced down and saw the gas gauge was almost on empty. Swearing, he crossed his fingers he could make it to Katniss’ place and then to the restaurant before he had to stop. Irritated that he’d hit almost every red light between his house and hers, he jammed the car into park and rushed to her door.
“You look gorgeous,” he breathed when she opened the door, and he grinned at her shy smile. He leaned forward to kiss her. Closing his eyes, he inhaled her scent and nudged her lips open with his. She tasted amazing, her lips soft and coated with lip gloss. When she moaned into his mouth, he pulled away and took a shuddering breath. “You ready to go?”
She nodded and took his hand. “I’m not used to heels,” she laughed when she wobbled a little against him. “Or dresses. Or makeup. Or not wearing a braid. Why do I let you talk me into these things?”
“Into dinner?” he teased as he helped her into the car and shut the door. He hurried around the car, jumped in, and turned to her. “Sorry. My car wouldn’t start.”
“Into a fancy dinner,” she answered. “What’s wrong with your car?”
He shrugged and grimaced. “Probably a battery. I’ll figure it out tomorrow. How was your day?”
Peeta listened as he drove. He was still jumpy, but having her by his side calmed him a little bit. She wore a slinky peachy, salmon colored dress that dipped low on her chest and hinted at a tiny dip of cleavage. Her gorgeous legs stretched from the hem that rested just above her knees to strappy, gold heels that elongated her legs and made them look twice as long. Her dark hair, which she usually tucked back in a braid, hung loosely in waves around her shoulders and halfway down her back. God, he loved her.
He pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot and helped her out of the car and to the door. Still unused to the heels, she leaned against him, and he reached over to kiss her forehead just as they got to the maître d. He gave his name and frowned when the man looked over his reservation list with a bored look.
“I’m sorry, sir. I don’t seem to see your name.”
“That’s impossible. I made the reservation two weeks ago. Mellark, table for 2. Can you check again, please?”
“Certainly, sir. Let me just check tomorrow, too. Just in case. Sometimes we make mistakes. Ah, yes, here it is. I’m afraid we have you down for tomorrow evening instead.”
“But—”
“Not to worry, sir. I’m sure it was a miscommunication,” the man assured in an infuriatingly disinterested voice, but Peeta flushed with discomfort. He had a niggling feeling that maybe it was his mistake and not the restaurant’s, but he was grateful they seemed willing to accommodate them—even if the guy looked like he’d rather do anything than speak to them. Possibly it would all still work. Perhaps the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach would be soothed by good food and attentive service. Maybe he’d ask the woman of his dreams to marry him and she’d say yes. Otherwise, he might die of humiliation.
“Uh, I—”
Katniss watched with a bemused expression. When Peeta seemed incapable of stringing together more than two words, she suggested calmly, “Perhaps we could wait at the bar while the table’s prepared?”
“Yes, miss. If you’ll just step this way, we’ll serve you there. Might I suggest a red?”
Peeta followed and sagged gratefully onto a stool. The bartender asked for their orders, and Katniss surprised them both when she asked for a gin martini. Taking his cue from her, he ordered a bourbon. The smoky, caramel flavor washed over his tongue and eased his jangling nerves. Grateful for her calm, he entwined his fingers with hers and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand.
“Sorry for the confusion,” he said in a low voice. She took a sip of her drink and looked at him over the rim through her eyelashes. A bead of liquid lingered on her lower lip, and he gave her a soft kiss to lick away the stray drop.
She hummed against his mouth. “I think I can forgive you,” she murmured and kissed him again.
By the time they got their table, his stomach rumbled, and Katniss had the look in her eye she always got indicating she’d crossed into hangry. However, the waitress, a slight young woman named Rue, took care of them graciously and attentively. She suggested flash fried spinach for an appetizer and left them to themselves.
Dinner was spectacular. The food was delicious and they chatted and laughed as they enjoyed each other’s company. Wrapped in each other, they shared bites and tangled their spoons over the last bit of sorbet and ganache. Everything was perfect until the bill came and he reached into his back pocket. Peeta’s face drained of color. Stricken, he looked at Katniss. He couldn’t believe what he’d have to do.
“What’s wrong?”
Devastated, he answered, “I can’t believe I did this.”
“Did what?”
“Katniss, I forgot my wallet.”
“You forgot…”
“Yeah, my wallet,” he repeated, his cheeks flaming with humiliation.
She laughed and leaned across the table to grab his hand. “It’s no big deal. I can get it.”
“That’s not the point, Kat. I asked you to dinner. I made a huge deal of it, and now I can’t even pay. I’m so sorry.”
“You know, I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive you for this gaffe,” she teased. “I might as well just break up with you right now. I mean, how could I ever trust you again? Be honest, hon. You’re really just looking for a sugar mama, aren’t you?”
He knew she was teasing, knew it meant nothing and was intended to make him feel better, but he was sick to his stomach. After all this time, all the planning he’d put into proposing to the love of his life, and he couldn’t even manage to remember his wallet. If nothing else, it seemed like a terrible omen. How could he handle a marriage if he forgot such basics? He tried to tell himself he’d never done this before, that it was the only time he’d ever been quite so careless, but his insecurities got the better of him.
He was quiet as Katniss paid the check and they walked to the car. Maybe there was still time to salvage the evening. He had the ring in his pocket. The proposal would make his mistakes all better. He’d planned for weeks. Arranged for every variable. It was going to be perfect. He just had to get them to where they’d first met.
Music played softly as they drove with the windows partially lowered. A gentle breeze whipped through the car, and her hair created a cloud around her face. She sang softly, and his heart clenched at the joy on her face. He always wanted her to sing more, since it brought her such pleasure, but it was highly personal to her. He didn’t get to hear it nearly enough.
They were less than a mile from their destination when the car started to chug, and his stomach dropped. “No, no, no!” he growled. “Please, no.”
“What’s wrong?”
“God, please keep going,” he begged, but Finnick’s car shivered and shook and ground to a halt. If it’d been a person, he would have said it coughed itself to death. “Shit.”
“Peeta?”
“We’re out of gas.” Slamming the palm of his hand against the steering wheel, he released a long groan and thumped his head against the headrest. Grumbling, he closed his eyes and took in a huge gulp of air. “What a fucking night.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think it’s so bad.”
He glanced over at her and gave her a sad smile. “You’re so amazing.”
“I’ve heard that before,” she grinned. “My boyfriend tells me that all the time.”
“Does he?”
“He really does.”
“Lucky bastard.”
“He really is.”
The way the moonlight fell across her face was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He wanted to paint her in that moment, so he could freeze time and live in it forever. More than anything, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman.
“How married are you to the idea of those shoes?” he asked suddenly.
“I despise these things, Peeta. You know that.” A smile played across her lips, and he stretched across the seat to kiss her.
“Take them off.”
“Why?”
“Just do it. I have a plan.”
Full of renewed energy, he bounced out of the car and ran around to open her door. Offering her his hand, he pulled her upright and threaded his fingers through hers. Without a word, he kissed her forehead and led her down the street.
“Are we going to the meadow?” she asked as they rounded the corner. “Sweetheart…”
He grinned and guided her to a tree at the edge of the open area before hauling her in for a passionate kiss. She melted against him, and he cradled her to his chest.
“I love you so much, Katniss,” he murmured against her lips. “I can’t remember what my life was like without you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Do you?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
Grinning, he dropped to his knee and looked up at her. Her eyes widened when he sank down, and he reached into his pocket to pull the ring box free.
“Every day since I’ve met you has been better than any best day I had before we met. I don’t want to have another one without you. Katniss Everdeen.” He paused and opened the ring box. Holding it out to her, he asked, “Will you please make me the happiest man in the world and spend the rest of your life with me?”
Katniss nodded vigorously. “Of course, I will, Peeta. Yes, I’ll marry you.”
Relief flooded through him. He hadn’t even been aware how nervous he was until she agreed to his proposal, but he suddenly felt like his limbs were limp noodles. He couldn’t comprehend the buzzing in his veins, but he was sure his blood was florescent with endorphins. That wasn’t a thing, but still. Thrilled, he reached into the box to get the ring and—
“You have got to be kidding me!”
The ring box was empty. The ring he’d picked out for her wasn’t there. Instead, the slit where it should have been grinned at him manically, and he wondered briefly who he’d pissed off in a past life to make this night go so spectacularly terrible. After all the planning and soul searching and angst, the perfect proposal had disintegrated into such a total pile of—
“What’s wrong?”
Katniss stood over him, trembling and half-grinning/half-weeping. The longer he remained on his knee, the more concerned she became. He looked down at the empty box that mocked him and huffed in annoyance. He realized as the moisture from the ground soaked into his pants at the knee that he’d grabbed the box he’d kept from a prank gone wrong with Finnick on Valentine’s Day. In his rush, he hadn’t even bothered to make sure he got the one with the ring in it.
“I’m an idiot. That’s what’s wrong,” he groaned.
“Are you— Do you not want to…” she asked in a tortured whisper.
He popped to his feet and wrapped her in his arms. “Oh, no, sweetheart! Of course, I want to marry you. I’m so happy you said yes. I just, uh— I forgot the ring.”
“You forgot the ring?”
Frustrated, he nodded and hung his head. “I really, really did.”
Silence hung for a few seconds, but then he felt panic bubbling inside him until— Laughter poured from him in lusty bursts that shocked him and caused her to chuckle. Before he knew it, he was doubled over, heaving for breath, and laughing so hard, he almost fell over. Katniss joined him after a few seconds, his mirth contagious as he struggled to gain his composure. Soon, they clung to each other as they guffawed, unable to stop.
“Who proposes and forgets the ring?” she howled, her eyes sparking with humor.
“I do!”
“Runs out of gas. Forgets his wallet.”
“Me!”
“Why is this so funny?” she giggled. “Bless your heart. You tried so hard.”
He forced himself to get it together and pulled her close. Brushing her hair back, he tilted his head and kissed her. “I really did.”
She hummed against his mouth and opened it as his tongue swept inside. The kiss grew heated quickly, and he slanted her mouth so he could devour her. When she whimpered, he tangled her hair in one hand and let the other drift lower to cup her hip and then pull her leg up and over his.
“Katniss,” he hissed as she rocked her hips against his.
“How mad do you think Finnick would be if you abandoned his car?”
“Furious. Why?” he asked between heated, open-mouthed caresses.
“I really don’t want to wait for help when we could get a ride to your place.”
“I thought we were staying at yours tonight.”
“We could,” she breathed against his cheek before catching his earlobe in her teeth and biting it gently. “Or we could go to yours, put that ring on my finger, and consummate our engagement.”
He grinned and nuzzled her neck. “That sounds pretty amazing,” he breathed as he nibbled along her jawline.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmmm. Maybe we can salvage this night after all.”
“You mean me agreeing to marry you wasn’t enough for our date to be a good one?” she teased as she pulled away and started walking back to the car. “Shoes. Purse. Would like to take them with me.”
He tugged his phone from his pocket and arranged for a car. Grinning, he called after her, “It all went so wrong, so fast, but I think we’re on our way to making it even more memorable.”
“I love you, Mellark,” she yelled over her shoulder.
“I love you more, Everdeen! Gonna marry the hell out of you.”
She backed away from him, and he followed. The last thing he wanted was to let her slip away from him into the darkness.
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